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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years ago

Text

Black

Prompts: After POF, Roman takes over the abandoned color black. He becomes the hated side that Virgil used to be. By most, anyway. Janus and Virgil are concered. Patton chooses to ignore it. Romans room is really cold? and boy is he touch starved - anon

(Sanders sides Prompt) Any one of the sides is touch starved. fluff. (You dont have to do this just thought I might ask) - anon

Hello there!! I just wanna say that I love your work and I think you’re such a talented writer. Idk if this is a weird ask but would you consider writing Roman angst with the song “it’s OK I wouldn’t remember me either” by crywank as like inspiration? Thank you so much <3 -anon

buckel up babes this one's a doozy

Read on Ao3

Warnings: implied/reference self-harm by way of self-negligence, pretty intense self-hatred and neglect that could verge on suicidal, but NO ONE DIES, everyone's fine at the end, we don't break shit and not fix it in my house

Pairings: it is platonic found family hours

Word Count: 5697

Do you know what no one ever tells you about the color black?

It’s seamless.

There are no cracks, no tears, no imperfections, because everything’s so dark you can’t tell what’s a trick of the light and what isn’t. Everything blends together. At first, second, even third glance, it’s perfect. Pristine, even. It hides absolutely everything. It’s intimidating, honestly, that level of deception. The way it can make anything look like it’s meant to be there, as if to live the colorless and lightless life is all it was ever destined for.

Darkness has always found a way of feeling like home, even to the ones who are afraid of it.

You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Roman hadn’t wanted to go to the wedding. He didn’t want to go, but it’s what Patton wanted. It’s what Thomas would’ve wanted. If Roman hadn’t been so loud. But it hurt, it did, when they said that they shouldn’t go to the callback because there was such a slim likelihood of Thomas winning. Because Roman couldn’t win. But Roman wasn’t supposed to be the villain and do something bad so he sent Thomas to the wedding.

Bruises were supposed to be yellow, or green, or purple, not black.

But if he had yellow, green, or purple bruises, he would’ve blamed a yellow, green, or purple Side. And that was bad.

So he hid them, because as he learned, no one was looking for them anyway. Patton cared when he didn’t show up to the video and then he was there and oh, having someone there, even if they only cared a little, was like rainfall in a desert, it was wonderful, Roman would’ve sung if he thought it wouldn’t make everything worse. But Roman was good, so he never complained, and he did his job to the best of his ability.

But what if his job was bad?

But there are two Creativities, a Roman and a Remus. And no one else liked Remus, because Remus was bad and Roman was good. But Remus isn’t bad, he’s just the opposite of Roman. And Roman didn’t want to be Remus because Remus was bad. But Remus isn’t bad.

Creativity isn’t bad.

Bruises aren’t supposed to be black but they can’t be red.

Roman isn’t supposed to be the villain but what else do you call someone who laughs at vulnerability, who scorns people’s earnest attempts to help, who single-handedly ruins someone’s life?

Roman isn’t supposed to be the villain, but bruises aren’t supposed to cover every inch of his skin unless he deserves it.

His skin burns. It crawls and aches and screams and darkens into bruises. His throat aches from the wordless screams and the horrible things he’s said to everyone. He’s been so selfish, he’s tried to make everything go his way, tried to make it about him, not about Thomas, because everything they do is supposed to help Thomas, help Thomas, that’s what they’re supposed to do, they’re supposed to help Thomas, not themselves, why is he doing this, why is he doing this?

Because he’s the villain.

Roman cries.

What else is he supposed to do?

He cries until the tears grow thick, sluggish, oozing out of his eyes until he can’t see anything but them, until his breath grows thick and his chest heavy. He cries until he has to struggle to open his eyes because of how swollen they are, how globulous the tears have become on the ends of his lashes. He cries until his head splits and his chest wails from the pain he isn’t supposed to have but deserves, deserves every little bit. He cries until his body is consumed by the bruises.

His costume is a straightjacket. He needs it off. The white hurts now, it burns his arms and cuffs his wrists. He doesn’t deserve it so he rips it off. Every seam that he ruins is another bruise. The rips are so loud they burrow into some soft part of his brain and live there. The white is still imperfect because it’s on him.

Only when his costume lies in tatters around him, his sash torn off and thrown away, far away, does the white look pure.

He cries himself to sleep with a smile on his face.

Far, far away, a black hoodie is tugged back into the Conscious Mindscape.

When Roman wakes, his head is full of static.

His lungs inflate and collapse on autopilot, driven by the merciless pump of some distant machine, turning the crank to draw air in and out, in and out.

His hands are numb, fingertips rubbed raw and inflamed from tearing relentlessly at fabric. He turns them slowly and it’s like watching himself in a video game.

His face is cold. He paws at his cheeks and feels sticky residue, etched into his skin. His eyes stick slightly when he blinks and he doesn’t know if that’s just his face or if there’s something else.

He is swathed in black fabric, an old threadbare hoodie that has gone years unloved, untouched, unseen. It’s selfishness that makes him tug it closer, feel a faint bubble of pressure on his screaming body.

He should get up, he should go make sure he hasn’t hurt anyone else with his tantrum again, he should apologize.

But…what would be the point?

Like Patton asked, does there come a point when someone keeps apologizing so much that you just have to admit they’re bad?

Roman isn’t good. Has he ever been?

Something interrupts the pleasant numbness and it shoots from his chest to the soft points at the base of his wrists, making his hands tingle. He decides he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want it. He wants everything to stop.

He’s selfish, they all know that, he’s just going to end up hurting them anyway, so why bother trying to fix it?

Apathy, his tired brain supplies when he lies there, unmoving, on the ground, for hours and hours and hours, unwilling and uncaring to fix things.

But that can’t be right. Roman is here because he cared too much, he did too much, he was too much. How can he now be the epitome of not caring at all?

If only he never cared, if only he wasn’t so attached, if only.

If only he had been Apathy, maybe he wouldn’t have been so hurt.

His pride got him here. His pride, his wants, his his his. He wanted everything and burned down the things that would’ve helped him get there because he couldn’t do it right. He is the villain and villains always have too much pride.

Pride. Apathy.

Prapathy.

Apride.

I’m not Creativity anymore, he thinks to himself as he lies there, still on the floor as his chest aches and his eyes sting and the sticky residue drips down his cheeks onto the bruises. He stares and stares and stares at the wall and a faint part of his mind that exists outside of the static realizes he never did get around to fixing that crack in the baseboard.

Pride, apathy. It doesn’t matter. There’s a much easier word that he can use to describe both of them.

Wrong.

—————————————————————

“I don’t know, Thomas,” Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t think that’s a valid solution either.”

“But it makes sense,” Virgil protests, shoving his hands into his pockets, “all we have to do is not talk to anybody else—“

“But that will hurt their feelings!”

“But we won’t hurt ourselves.”

Janus and Patton look at each other for a moment before Patton sighs and scratches the back of his head.

“I—I don’t know, this…this feels weird.”

“None of us are happy about this, Padre,” Virgil mutters, “but it’s the best solution we’ve got.”

“Real high bar we’re setting there, isn’t it?”

“Listen, Snake Face, if you’ve got a better idea—“

“Virgil, enough.” Logan shakes his head. “We need to keep thinking.”

“We’ve been at this for an hour, Logan,” Thomas says cautiously, “I don’t know what else you think we’re gonna get to.”

“We’ve already passed the optimal point for productivity, yes.”

“Oh, well, we can’t just give up now!” Patton puts his hands on his hips. “I’m sure if we just keep at it for a little longer—“

“You said that half an hour ago, Patton.”

“And I’ll say it again!”

“Because that’s going to make everything go much easier.”

Thomas sighs as the Sides fall back into bickering. Normally, this wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary—pretty much all they do is argue back and forth—but Logan’s right. They’ve made almost no progress. He finds himself staring at the TV.

Why is he staring at the TV?

He frowns, tilting his head. It’s literally just his TV. Why is he so fixated on it right now? It’s not like it’s gone anywhere, it’s sitting right where it always is. He stares at it most of the day, why is it so weird that he’s looking at it now?

Wait—

“Guys,” he interrupts, still staring at the thing he’s not supposed to be able to see like this, “where’s Roman?”

The room pauses. Then Logan sighs.

“Oh, of course, that’s why we’ve been having such a hard time coming up with solutions, we don’t have Roman.”

At Virgil’s side-eye, he glances around to see similar looks of disbelief on the other’s faces.

“What?”

“Did you…did you just admit we need Roman?”

“He is Creativity, it makes sense that if we are struggling to be creative, he isn’t here.”

“Okay, that makes more sense.” Virgil shakes his head. “Thought you were admitting he was important or something.”

“Please, his head is big enough as it is.”

Janus hides a snort.

“Why didn’t he show up earlier,” Thomas asks, “he’s normally one of the first of you to get here.”

Virgil shrugs. “I dunno, I haven’t seen that much of him lately.”

“Is he…okay?”

“Who the hell knows, he’s Roman.”

“My guess is he’s been in his room,” Logan says, glancing at Roman’s usual spot, “I haven’t seen him either.”

Thomas doesn’t miss the way Janus and Patton glance at each other. “If you two have information now might be the time to share it.”

“Roman…hasn’t come out of his room,” Patton says after a beat, “not since…”

“Wait, he hasn’t come out since the wedding?”

Janus shakes his head. “I’ve barely seen him open his door.”

“That doesn’t…normally happen, does it?”

“No,” Patton says, “and, uh, he doesn’t normally ignore us either.”

“Ignore you?”

“We’ve tried knocking. It doesn’t work.”

“Perhaps Thomas can summon him,” Logan offers, “you have more power than any of us do, he’d have to answer you.”

“Well, here goes nothing. Creativity!”

Someone pops up in front of the TV.

Someone in a white costume with green embellishments and a mustache.

“Remus?”

Remus glares at them, his Morningstar at his side, his costume white, pristine, and light.

“What the fuck have you done with my brother?”

—————————————————————

It’s been weeks.

The fans have accepted Remus as Creativity. They think that the videos are better than ever. They think this was Thomas’s plan from the beginning.

There is one end card where the Sides are watching a movie and some of them spot a dark figure in the corner. Who could this be? Is this the mysterious orange Side everyone has been waiting for? Is this the Side that’s been hurting Thomas so much?

Zoom and enhance. It’s Virgil’s old hoodie. They’re sitting where Remus used to sit. They’re not staring at the screen, they’re looking at the others. What could this mean?

Someone spots the faint outline of a tiny crown perched atop the figure’s head.

And then, well, then it all makes sense.

There was always one Side that messed up everything, that made everything more complicated. There was always one Side that, if you thought about it, you could trace everything back to. There was always one Side that was told he was making the bad choice and yet, never seemed to learn.

They start to put together timelines, evidence, essay-length meta posts on how of course, this is the plan, why didn’t they see it before? Those that had disliked him from the start crow about how they were right, how everyone doubted them but look who’s laughing now. They point out how he’s become a Dark Side, maybe he was always a Dark Side, and how incredible would that storytelling be? To warn against the pressures of society’s expectations, the idea of good versus bad, or authentic versus forced. How of course, they’re wearing Virgil’s old hoodie because they’re the hated Side now. How they’re not looking at the screen because that’s not what they want, they want to be a part of the famILY.

Vitriolic rants. Accusations. Vent fics. The unsympathetic tag is overflowing.

Because who else could the villain be?

—————————————————————

Roman lives in the cold now.

His fireplace isn’t lit anymore. The door to the Imagination doesn’t work anymore. The blankets on his bed aren’t thick enough anymore. He drifts through a haze where only the emergency systems in his brain are online, where only the awareness needed to sleep, breathe, and move the little bits he needs to move are present.

He doesn’t know that there’s nothing behind the red door anymore, that when Janus and Virgil come to knock on it, worried, or when Remus storms through the Imagination and tries to knock it down by force, there’s nothing for them to find.

He doesn’t know that a new door, a black door, leads from his room to the hallway, far away from any of the other rooms. He doesn’t know that it’s so dark back here that no one would be able to tell there was a door if they didn’t put their nose right up against it.

He doesn’t know and he doesn’t care.

A new kind of ache settles in his bones now. Pain is an old friend, but he’s yet to give suffering a proper handshake.

He misses when he could go and ask someone for help.

He misses when Patton would turn to him without any judgment in his eyes, without any ‘well, you know, kiddo—‘, without any ‘let’s start off with—‘, just the soft words of I’m here, I’ll help you. He misses being able to walk up to Patton’s door and knock on it and know that he would be safe on the other side.

Patton would open the door and soften, his mouth curling up into a small smile as he says hey, kiddo, come in. He would sit Roman down on the bed and press a glass of water into his hands. He would rub his back as he drank, taking the empty glass gently and cupping Roman’s face in his hands. He would ask what’s wrong, sweetheart, what can I do? And Roman would say he just wants a hug, he just wants to not be alone for a bit. And Patton would smile and coo about how Roman was always welcome here, sweetheart, I’m right here, I’ll take care of you. And Roman could fall asleep with his head on Patton’s chest and believe that everything was okay.

He misses when he could walk up to Logan and ask for help and he wouldn’t be scoffed at or turned away, he wouldn’t be looked at suspiciously and asked what he really wanted. He misses when Logan could come to him too and just spend time together.

Logan would knock on his door and ask if you have a moment, would you like to walk with me? And Roman would smile and say, of course, he always has time for Logan, and they could go somewhere in the Imagination and just talk. And Logan would say that’s an interesting idea, I wonder if—and they would walk and talk for hours. And Roman could bustle up to Logan’s door and say I’ve just thought of something, and Logan would open his door and be happy to talk with Roman and it would be okay.

Roman curls up tighter and feels nothing.

He wishes he could have something to miss for Virgil. He wishes they could have bonded over their love of Disney, their want to talk about the things they’re interested in, or even the need to just have someone else in the room with them for a bit. He wishes their relationship wasn’t just spitting barbs at each other, each hoping to hit the bullseye first and knock the other one out of the race. He wishes he could’ve done better.

He wishes he could have something to miss for Janus. He wishes they could’ve done this right, that they could’ve bonded over the want to keep Thomas safe but also have him be himself. He wishes that he hadn’t laughed, hadn’t scorned, hadn’t fallen back on his pride to keep himself safe at the expense of Thomas. He wishes that maybe, just maybe, if he had been a better puppet, then he wouldn’t have been dropped so suddenly.

But as it stands now, more than anything he wishes he could hear them when they say the things they say about him because then he could figure out which bruises were theirs and take comfort in knowing that they still touch him in some way.

The bruises are a constant now. From the online hate to the casual remarks from the others to the way that Patton hasn’t even tried to come find him anymore—he can hear that, you know—he can’t turn over without landing on a new smattering of bruises. The hoodie helps to cushion the blow a little bit.

He misses Remus.

Remus was…

…Remus was everything.

Roman misses his other half. Roman misses his brother. Roman misses his Creativity.

When they were small they would curl around each other as if they could fuse if they focused hard enough. They would wrap their arms around each other so tightly that it would be a pleasant ache when they woke, never minding because they were tighter. Remus was always so warm and Roman hoarded every single bit he could get.

Roman was cruel to push his brother away and now he understands how it feels.

He misses Thomas.

He misses when he was allowed to go and see Thomas. When he could talk to Thomas. When his presence was celebrated or at the very least, tolerated. He misses it. He misses helping.

But he’s helping now, by staying away.

He’s cold.

He’s so cold.

—————————————————————

do you remember what it felt like

to be touched?

press of fingertips against shoulders

bump of a forehead against yours

palms meeting and parting a mere second later

in days gone by

do you remember

warm?

humans thrive off physical contact,

we’re not built to hold each other

at arms’ length.

infants will die

if they aren’t held enough.

and I am so

cold

—————————————————————

Something is wrong and even Patton can’t ignore it anymore.

The Sides shuffle uneasily in front of the red door until Remus raises his hand to knock against it.

“Roman?”

Silence.

“Roman, please, please, just—just say something.”

Silence.

“Where the fuck are you, Roman?”

“Don’t yell,” Logan mumbles, “you’ll make him think we’re angry at him.”

Remus takes a deep breath.

“We’re not angry, Ro-bro, we’re just—just please make some noise.”

Silence.

“…we’re coming in, Roman.”

But they can’t. Because as Remus turns the knob on the door, it falls forward. The entire door comes off just to reveal—

A blank wall. With no sign that there was ever a room behind it.

Thomas can hear the scream.

—————————————————————

Roman hears the scream and can’t move. But he can close his eyes and reach out and see what’s going on. After all, he hasn’t done anything, so something must be wrong if someone else is screaming.

He feels something in his chest twist and snap.

“Re?”

Across the Mindscape, Remus’s head jerks up.

“Ro,” he breathes, getting to his feet and rushing off down the hall as the others hurry after him, “Ro!”

“Remus, what’s going on?”

“Why isn’t Roman’s room there anymore?”

“Where are you going?”

They barrel into the hallway and smack into a black door. Logan’s eyes widen as he realizes what’s happened.

“Roman’s become a Dark Side,” he says, fingers scrabbling where the door meets the wall, “he’s—he’s really hurt, we have to help—“

“Move, L, I’m gonna break the door down.”

“You’re not gonna do it without me.”

“Roman!”

Roman turns his head to look at the door. Are they…here? The hoodie rasps against his undead skin and he winces. There are still bruises.

“Roman!”

The door shudders its frame. He could open it. He could. He just has to reach out and—

“Ro!”

Remus.

The door unlatches and his brother pours into the room, letting out a wail when he spots Roman in the bed.

Janus hisses as soon as he crosses the threshold, this room is freezing. It feels as if no one’s moved for years inside, as if the heat has been sucked out entirely. His gaze flies to Remus, who’s over on the bed, his hands scrabbling at something in black material.

Roman.

“Oh, little prince,” he whispers, horrified, “no, no, no—“

“We have to get him out,” Logan orders, startling Remus into action as he scoops Roman into his arms, “we have to get him warm. His core temperature is too low.”

“Shower? Bath?”

“No, if we shock his system we could make it worse. Janus, I need your heating pads, Patton, something warm to drink.”

Janus and Patton vanish.

“Virgil, weighted blankets, Remus—“

“I’m here.” As Virgil ducks away as well, Remus helps Logan cradle the limp and freezing form of his brother in their arms as they begin to rush out of that horrible, horrible room. “You thinking bathroom?”

“Get him to Janus’s, that’ll be the safest place.”

“Got it.”

Sure enough, Janus has no objection and sweeps them inside, setting down the heating pads as Patton bustles in with two thermos flasks and a mug. Virgil pops back with thick blankets as they lay the cold form on the ground. Roman’s eyes blink sluggishly as he stares up at Remus.

“...Re?”

“Yeah, Roro, it’s me, I’m right here, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here faster.”

“What’s…wha’s going on?”

“You’re too cold, Roman,” Logan says gently, “we need to get you warmed up.”

“Oh…”

“It will be easier if we take a few of the layers off,” he explains, still careful to keep his voice low and even as the others scurry around, “is that alright?”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to unzip the hoodie.” Logan works slowly, patiently, stopping when any flicker crosses Roman’s face. “That’s it, you’re doing very well, I’m almost done.”

By the time he’s coaxed the hoodie off of Roman’s shoulders, there’s a little bit of color back in his cheeks.

“Very good, Roman, you did well. Virgil’s brought a few warm blankets and Janus has heating pads for you, do you think you can sit up?”

“Don’t know.”

“That’s alright, you’re doing alright.” Logan glances up at Janus.

“Little prince,” Janus murmurs, sitting by Roman’s head, “if you can sit up, I can sit behind you and help warm you up, does that sound alright?”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, sweetie, we’re going to sit you up now.”

Logan and Janus sit Roman up slowly, only to pause when the long sleeves of his shirt fall down.

“Roman,” Logan asks, trying frantically to keep his voice calm, “are you hurt?”

“Mhm.”

He bites back the fearful response and patiently asks where, how bad, can he see?

“Everywhere.” Roman lifts his arms weakly. “’S all bruises.”

“…can we see?”

“Okay.”

Logan’s hands begin to tremble as he works the shirt over Roman’s head. He wasn’t kidding when he said everywhere.

There’s barely an inch of skin that doesn’t look bruised black and blue. Patton stifles a cry as he drops to his knees next to them, looking at Roman like he’s never seen it this bad before.

Oh, Roman, how did they not know? How could he just ignore him like that?

“Get him covered,” comes Virgil’s voice, “he’s still too cold.”

Janus grabs one of the blankets and wraps it carefully around Roman’s form. It should help distribute whatever pressure they apply so it won’t aggravate his injuries too severely. He takes one heating pad and scoots forward, bracketing Roman’s legs with his own and wrapping one pair of arms around him to press the pad to his chest.

“Can you feel that, sweetie,” he asks softly, “is that too warm?”

“No.”

“Good, good, little prince, you’re being very brave.” He turns away to reach for another and so misses the little shudder that goes through Roman. “Do you think you can handle another if I press it to the back of your neck?”

“Mm.”

“Let’s try, little prince, and if it’s too much, I’ll stop.”

“Okay.”

“Here we go, sweetie—“ Janus presses it carefully to the base of Roman’s skull, just at the edge of the blanket— “there, does that feel okay?”

“Mm.”

“Good, sweetie, you’re doing so well, so good for us, that’s it, you relax now.”

Roman starts to tremble.

“That’s alright,” Logan soothes, “you’re warming up, it means you’re going to shiver a little more, you’re alright, Roman, you’re safe. You’re doing well.”

It certainly doesn’t seem that way once Roman’s breath starts to come in gasps. Virgil nudges Patton out of the way and sits, gently calling Roman’s name until his gaze snaps to Virgil’s.

“Hey, Princey,” Virgil says slowly, “you gotta stay with me now, okay? We’re right here, no one’s angry, nothing’s going to hurt you. Just focus on me.”

He ignores the startled noises when Roman starts to cry thick, black tears.

“Eyes on me, Princey, that’s it, stay here. We’re just gonna sit here and breathe for a moment, okay?” Roman nods and Virgil starts to take big, exaggerated breaths. “Good. That’s it, Princey, you focus on me and you breathe. It’s okay. You’re doing great. Just stay here.”

When the viscous black liquid slows, Virgil reaches out and begins to tuck Roman’s hair back. A moment longer and he pauses, noting how the scratch on Roman’s face is covered in the thick black tears.

“Princey, can I clean your face off for you? You’re doing really well at breathing, I’m proud of you. Can I help you with the rest of it?”

“O-okay.”

There’s a bottle of micellar water and a pack of cotton circles pressed into his hands. He moves in slow, careful strokes, changing out the circles as often as he needs to. A pile of them grows beside him as he works, doing his best to get all the black off of Roman’s face. Roman just cries.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Patton murmurs when Roman’s cry gives way to a wail, “it’s okay, you cry all you need to, we’re not going anywhere, it’ll be alright.”

“We have you, sweetie,” Janus says against Roman’s neck, “we’re here.”

Remus lets out a broken noise.

“Oh, Roman, you didn’t…”

Logan’s head whips sharply around to scold Remus only for his mouth to fall open in shock.

Remus’s costume is bleeding too. The same black that drips down Roman’s face is slowly coloring Remus’s costume again, back to what it normally looks like. Remus’s mouth is agape, staring horrified at Roman.

“Oh, Ro—“

“What’s going on?”

“Check the bruises on his neck,” Remus orders as Janus pulls back the blanket, “are they still there?”

“They’re here, but they’re…lighter, how is that—?”

“Roman is the Ego,” Patton mumbles, “he gets bruised when—when—“

“Oh, shit,” Virgil curses, before quickly hushing Roman’s discontented mumble, “and with all the hate that’s been gunning for him—“

“Oh, sweetheart—“

Roman lets out another sob and the tears run clear.

“The Ego is kept healthy by positive attention,” Logan says softly, scooting closer and rubbing Roman’s shoulder through the blanket, “you’ve been starving, haven’t you?”

“He’s not cold because he’s hypothermic,” Remus blusters, “he’s touch starved.”

“It’s still not safe to introduce him to direct contact all at once,” Logan warns when Patton and Remus look like they want to rip the blanket off, “we have to take it slow.”

“So what do we do?”

Janus just leans down and presses a kiss to Roman’s temple. “You’re so brave, sweetie, you’ve been so strong.”

They watch as Roman’s tears begin to wash away the black.

“We love you, sweetheart, you’re so important to us.”

“Stay with us, Princey, we need you.”

“You’re doing very well, Roman, we’re very proud of you.”

Roman cries, ducking his head into Virgil’s waiting hands as Remus’s costume colors itself black again.

After a long while, when Remus looks like he normally does, Roman shakes his head and looks up at them.

“Where am I,” and he sounds like Roman again, “what’s happened?”

“You were starving, sweetheart,” Patton mumbles, “and we didn’t notice until it was too late.”

“O-oh,” Roman blinks, “is that…is that why I’m so cold?”

“You’re touch starved too,” Virgil adds, “and we, uh, L said it wasn’t a good idea to try and shock you out of it.”

“Try and drink something,” Logan says quickly as Patton reaches for the mug, “you’ve been crying for a while and you’re dehydrated.”

“Is that…hot chocolate?”

“Your favorite, kiddo.”

Remus sits down at Roman’s side as he drinks, staring at him like he’s not seen him in ages. Which, well, none of them have, really.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Roman repeats, looking sheepishly at all of them, “I, uh, well, the last video I messed up a lot. I, uh, I shouldn’t have laughed at your name, Jan—where are you?”

“Right here,” Janus mumbles, giving him a gentle squeeze, “and you’re forgiven.”

“Oh. Uh, that was easy…are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Yes, it wasn’t great of you to do, but I’m not exactly blameless either and…”

He squeezes him again.

“…you’ve been hurting enough.”

“Logan, you too, I—I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Roman, but I agree. It’s alright.”

“Why are you all forgiving me so fast?”

“Because,” Remus mumbles, cupping Roman’s head and resting their foreheads together, “this happened.”

They all watch as Roman shudders as Remus shows him what happened.

“Oh—oh—I—oh no—“

“It’s over now, sweetie,” Janus reassures, “we’ve got you. You’re okay, you’re safe.”

“C-can I have a hug?”

“Of course, honey, come here—“

“Let’s get the blanket out of the way, L, is he—“

“It should be safe now, yes.”

“Remus, I—oof!”

“I gotcha, Ro-Bro.”

“It’s still—I’m still—“

“Patton, grab that end of the blanket.”

“This one?”

“That’s it, yes.”

The Sides end up swaddled in the blanket, their heads poking out, as each of them pulls a little bit of Roman into their arms to warm up. Janus and Remus wrap around his upper body, mindful of the few bruises that haven’t been healed yet. His legs are in Patton’s lap, as Logan and Virgil each hold on to his hands. The poor thing is still shivering, still shaking, still a little overwhelmed.

But Janus coos into his ear as his head lolls back, Remus holding him tightly. Logan’s thumb strokes over his palm as Virgil lets him squeeze as tight as he needs to. Patton makes sure he’s off the cold tile and he’s warm.

They’re going to have to work out what to do about the fans, about the videos, but right now they need to worry about Roman.

Speaking of Roman—

“I—I need to apologize to Thomas.”

A cry goes up as he says so, Patton reaching up to pat his knee. “You don’t have to do that right now, sweetheart, rest, it’s okay—“

“I won’t—he won’t be able to rest until he knows what’s happened.”

As if he can hear them, they feel the familiar tug of one of them being summoned. A quick glance around shows that if one of them is going, all of them are, so they appear on the floor of the living room, swaddled in the blanket.

Thomas’s mouth drops open and he rushes to their side.

“I was gonna ask if you found Roman, but I—Roman, buddy, are you okay?”

“I…I don’t know,” Roman mumbles, “but I’m sorry.”

“For what, buddy?”

As Roman begins to apologize, for being away, for hurting Thomas, for being selfish, Thomas just shakes his head.

“No, buddy, that’s not all on you. You—yeah, okay, some things happened, but it’s not entirely your fault. You don’t need to think of it like that.”

“Well said,” Logan mutters, “now help us get Roman to rest.”

“So what Disney movie are we watching and how many pillows do we need?”

A lot, as it turns out, is the answer. And they have to bite back laughs at the way Thomas makes a noise when he’s swept into the blanket too. But Thomas is warm and Roman is still cold and the movie plays on the screen.

“Hey, Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my hero.”

General Taglist:@frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @aularei @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer @i-am-overly-complicated @annytheseal @alias290 @tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees

if you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#sanders sides #dragonbabbles #fic #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #sympathetic remus #remus sanders

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squeiky · 4 years ago

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!!!List of papyrus things!!!

(Update 3! mini update.)

For anyone who needs more info on the guy! Since you usually dont see alot of info about him!

A list of stuff thats just papyrus's tid bits i've collected overtime!

(Disclaimer: some things can be taken off of memory, though I did search most of the stuff up, so you dont have to worry too much. But if your feeling unsure, search it up! And correct me while your at it.)

his room doesn't play/have music.

(If you have reunited playing at enter his room, it'll disappear forever. Untill you go back and let it play again. Even without reunited, a song that plays no matter what room your in, doesn't play any music.)

Never takes off his battle body.

(According to sans, he only takes it off if he has no other choice too. Otherwise he'll just put clothes ontop of it, or just repaints it if needed. He does how ever, change his pants but never takes off the top.)

the minute "royal gaurd " is out of the picture, he's got nothing.

(It was the one thing he worked up for. When the royal gaurd disbands He says he "working hard on doing absolutely nothing". Then again this can be interpreted as papyrus does say he is working on something, despite not being a royal gaurd yet.)

He lies. (And can manipulate)

(Though he is really bad at lying, he seems to manipulate just fine, though its usually not out of malice. He gets undyne to befreind you by mentioning "challenge", which is a weakness of hers, since she never can turn down a challenge. And has lied about floweys name to her to. Has lied to sans or atleast mislead him about the things he knows about. Pretended he didn't know what a lab was during a call in hotland, but if you call him when sans isn't there, papyrus mentions the lab as if it was common knowledge instead of saying "Labrador-y?" As if he had no idea.)

Changes up his attacks

( if you get captured a few times, you see variation in his attacks. If you do it right, you can get him too skip half of his entire attack.)

Calls his own puzzles "Awful"

(This happens after battling papyrus, he says "WHO KNEW THAT ALL I NEEDED TO MAKE PALS... WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE AWFUL PUZZLES AND THEN FIGHT THEM??" This could be interpreted in many ways.)

Spikes, fire, traps, fencless bridges: are all safe for children, according to papyrus.

("EACH AREA HAS TO HAVE A PRECARIOUS BRIDGE" -bridge likely to collapse, dangerous. "ITS MANDATED BY THE GOVERNMENT. OF COURSE KING FLUFFYBOY WANTS TO UNMANDATE IT SAFER." "WHY?! WONT HE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!)

Has "talked" with asgore before.

(Sadly, asgore and papyrus has crossed paths. Asgore advises him not to but dangerous puzzles around town, for the children. Papyrus wants to put dangerous puzzles around town, for the children. This results in them bickering over saftey laws, with papyrus usually winning.)

Tried to start a flowey fan club

(On multiple occasions calls flowey "his best freind" and shows genuine love for the little guy. He even gave flowey a little red scarf to match his, during the 5th anniversary winter alarm clock.)

Has photo-graphic memory for phone calls.

-call in the room where undyne chased you. He seems nervous, or atleast stressed out during this call. I'll leave any and all interpretation to you.)

(Ps: papyrus has bad memory, but good photographic memory?)

His disliking for grease

(Says this during a call with undyne in grillby's place. Undyne says she loves grease, and he quickly dismisses his opinion in favor of hers. Of course, papyrus HAS visited grillbys before, as the dogamy and doggeressa mention him with sans. )

Calls alphys "great"

(During the first tile puzzle, he praises alphys by calling her "THE GREAT DR. ALPHYS" )

Knows about undynes crush on alphus

(He teases undyne a few times on this, leading to the "hot voice" and "audible wink" papyrus lines. He's not oblivious to the things around him, unless he chooses to be.)

Put limes in his eyes!

(Conversation in hotland! The guy thought limes where cucumbers and stuck them in his eyes. When. He thought it wasn't working he put more limes. It burned like hell but he says it was all to have "mettaton's bishoning eyes")

Knows about mtt's eyes

(Nobody seems to know that mettaton has eyes?! Undyne confirms this fact. Papyrus is the only one who outright mentions it.)

He got mettaton to do the tile puzzle thing

(FOR SOME UNEXPLAINED REASON- mettaton was the tile puzzle robot alphys built. The puzzle robot papyrus had during his own tile puzzle. Infact, during mettaton's tile puzzle in hotland, he says that you'd is this a few hundred rooms ago. If you call papyrus, he starts rambling on all the instructions again. Hehe.)

he likes dinosaur oatmeal

(According to the undertale tumblr, flowey response to "whats papyrus's favorite food?" Is DINOSAUR OATMEAL!! YAY!)

really enjoys mtt's show and mtt in general.

(and mtt even helped him with a tile puzzle)

enjoys cars

Owns a car bed

(Want to drive one)

really freaking artistic!

(Paints a whole bridge, makes a snowpapyrus, made his own costume/battle body, built a okay replica of a sentry station)

The red book on the table in the skelebro's house is infact his!

(For specifics, the quantum mechanics book with infinite books inside of it. It isn't specified who reads it, but both brothers should be capable as jokes and puns are not out of papyrus wardrobe.)

has his own shed and tools.

(Also known as "the punishment shed, doghouse, cpature zone, guest room, a garage" or undyne's pun which was "the coolshed". Ah, to be enriched by shed puns... Wonderful.)

tried to learn the "horoscope"

(Got "stumped" according to sans)

thinks junior jumble is harder than crossword

wants a 6 pairs of hot pants and 6 pairs of legs to wear those pants

has a dream of owning a shop where he just sells flames

(Call near in waterfall, near the turtle man shop.)

He's very influential

(If he's the only one killed in a neutral run, even without undyne, a revolution will still occur. Look into it yourself if need be.)

Called himself a genius

(During the instance, where he talks to you after turning the light on in sans's room.)

Can't really tell when someones mad

(He couldn't tell when undyne was mad at him during a call. He asks us too.)

Doesn't watch anime.

(He thinks its like cartoons for babies. Jokes around with undyne for awhile before taking it all back once he knew she watched anime.-during one of the calls.)

Brutal kind of guy

(He says this himself, i don't exactly know WHY he thinks this of himself, but he does.)

Bookworm

Owns a bookshelf

(He has a book Its where his vast dictionary comes from.

Knows about the time and space manipulation tactics sans uses.

(HE KNOWS- HE MENTIONS IT WHEN HE TURNS ON THE LIGHT IN SANS'S ROOM!!)

believes you can be a better person, if you just try.

(And he's right. Even if you kill him he still believes this, beacuse well.. Its true. Undyne wont forgive you and try to kill you, sans won't fight you, bht he's still right either way)

Knows about river person

(He asks about how river person is doing. No body seems to know about river person, and its unsure if undyne knows about their prescence.)

The days in his date scene (Monday, Tuesday, weekday, Thursday,e.c.t ) changes depending on your computer. Even though the date in undertale is always Monday.

(River person has a scheduled thing that matches up to your computer date as well, but this is about papyrus, not river person.)

Weird abilities

(Flying and super speedy twirling, flying backwards. He doesn't even hide it.)

He's pretty freaking tough!

(According to undyne, the person who defeated asgore.)

His "absolutely normal attack" is a giant cluster of bones.

(In theory, his attack could be the size of the entire area, including the giant bone at the end.)

Papyrus can lower the giant bone at the end of his "absolutely normal attack"

Has Collection of bones (or was planning to make one.)

(The room behind the sink was made for.. His attacks/bones. Before toby(dog)came in and made a shrine instead.)

Is annoying dog's favorite target.

Has a cannon, spears, fire thingy, and a dog at his disposal.

(Displayed during the bridge scene)

One persistent dude.

Likes to say "NYEHEHE!"

Has alot of MTT items.

Owns makeup!

(Mtt brand of course!)

Never dated anyone before.

(He says it himself.)

owns a dating manual

Not much of a sleeper.

(To the point where he just calls sleeping "naps" which aren't that long. He outright says he's always working, so he doesn't sleep.)

Dislikes hotland

dislikes hotland x2

Dislikes hotlands puzzles

Dislikes hotlands ethics.

Doesnt know much about hotland

(Says he knows it like the back of his hand!)

Says he never taken off his gloves, so he has no idea how his hands look like.

(He wears gloves or mittens on top of his gloves. And refuses to take it off, like his "battle body")

Calls hotland's steam puzzles garbage.

Dislikes hotlands conveyors

Thinks L1 and R2 stand for left and right

( Of course, it takes him awhile. He starts making puns, and tries to compare the words to pasta, and THEN comes to the conclusion that its left and right. Its Trail and error.-)

Knows about death.

(Said he wanted to meet death one time during a waterfall call.)

He pauses when speaking as a lost soul.

("I MUST CAPTURE A HUMAN! THEN EVERYONE WILL. ...." This is unusual as he is the only one that pauses. This can be interpreted, but it is rather interesting nonetheless)

Alright this is a bit more interpretive. Things may not be 100% facts down here.

Disclaimer: i will be putting "Interpretive" in red coloring for things that have may my interpretation or opinions in! Please do be mindful in your search, and take it with a grain of salt. It doesn't make it comepelty wrong, it has facts! Just muddled with oppinions.

Ready?

self-worth problems.

( can be called interpretive: He always feels very unimportant, as if he doesn't actually matter. During a call in waterfall, with the puddle hallway, papyrus talks about not letting it "get to you" or something along the lines of that. Since undyne speaks from her experience with the puddles, then i'd assume papyrus would too.)

(I think its just a sign of self doubt or insecurity. Someone once said its dysphoria, which is a cool headcannon for paps or something. What ever it is, he has some demons that he doesn't want to let out.)

Forgetable.

( according to the genocide description)

( Interpretive: Other than that, he's not even noticable. Though, there are a few people that appreciate him, most dont really acknowledge him. Unless you kill him of course!)

Sad/depressed?

( interpreitive as well:Before the human showed up, sans explains how his brother was feeling quite down lately. We see a.. Happier side of papyrus through out our journey.. He vents out to us, the player/human, about things he dislikes, or troubles he faces. Hes like a froggit. Life is hard for a froggit.)

Smiles through things.

("This is where I tried to capture you! What a bad memory." -quote he says as he smiles through it all. He does have a sad emote, but so far i have only seen it during a call in hotland, where the CORE was shown. As your adventure is coming close.. To an end.)

Uses his playful "OUCH!" emote when you straight up kill him. Instead of his hurting/in pain emote when flowey catches him off guard before absorbing everyonesones souls.

(The reason is unkown, but that emote is normally associated with more of "light taps." Examples are, toriel's fireballs at asgore and flowey. Unless... Cutting off his head was considered a "light tap" then, but flowey wrapping him in painful vines is considered more painful than getting his head chopped off and still having enough consciousness to joke about it.)

He knows his cooking sucks and that nobody likes it.

(He's not naive. He knows. He even says it. "Nobody has like my cooking before!" - QUOTE. This isn't some hidden fact. He's trying his best, "mabye next year, he might even make something edible." -sans quote.)

That was all the stuff i gathered for now.

Feel free to tell me anything i haven't added! :)

yeah, hes a pretty cool dude, ain't he?

(Edit: i've added some new things to the bunch, and fixed/deleted ome opinions or unrelated junk. Please, continue helping me add!)

#papyrus #papyrus quote #undertale #undertale facts 101 #sans and papyrus

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subbing-for-clones · 4 years ago

Text

The New Apprentice Part 4

Maul x sith!reader

Word Count: 3k

WARNINGS: Fear, graphic depictions of death and fire, slight gore. Mentions of slavery again, being tortured. Thoughts of suicide. But I promise it's also fluffy.

PREVIOUS NEXT MASTERLIST

Without a sun to draw you from your slumber this ‘morning’ you were not the first one to wake. When you opened your eyes there was a dim light from a data pad a few inches from your face. Headlining something about a new attack against the Duchess of Mandalore by a terrorist group. Your head was too fuzzy to make the words out so you simply closed them again. Bringing you back into the world were two realizations. One, your head was gently rising and falling. Two, you felt warm fingers drawing light, rhythmic circles on your lower back. If you weren't slightly hung over you would have sworn that you heard a gentle purr beneath your ear.

You caressed your cheek on whatever you were laying on. "Are you awake dear?" That low velvety voice you recognized asked you. Opening your eyes again, fighting through the daze you took in the details around you. Your arm was wrapped around Maul’s waist while your leg lay over the top of his thighs supporting the back of the data-pad. His lovely red and tattooed fingers brushed against your thigh as he held the device in place and slowly scrolled through the article. You tilted your head up to your master quickly realizing how close your faces were. He smirked down at your heavily lidded eyes. "How's your head?"

"Not as bad as I would've guessed if I'm being honest."

"Good." He stated turning his attention back to the news article. "I would've made some caf but as you can see you've kept me pinned to this spot all morning." Redirecting your eyes to the story he was reading you stated simply, "eh I'm not sorry. If you wanted your caf that bad you would have just moved me or woken me up for that matter." You felt the rumble in his chest as he chuckled.

"You're not wrong."

A few more minutes passed in a comfortable silence; you hadn't moved. Maul made a mental note of your comfortability as well as his own. You didn't know this but you were the first living thing to touch him so gently and for so long. Every time your skin came into contact with his made him feel like it was a first and every time you parted, he feared it would be the last. You yourself hadn't been touched kindly in quite a long time either and relished in the contact. Grateful for now that it wasn't talked about. It just happened.

"Do you think this Mandalorian Duchess will be assassinated?" You asked.

"Not if the Death Watch wish to seize power. The people of the planet wouldn't support them. She has the love of her citizens for now and that I believe is what's keeping her in her station." You hummed in agreement at his statement.

Maul sighed and put the data-pad on the table next to the bed and ran his fingers through your hair absent-mindedly. You looked up at him. He ran his thumb across your cheek and gazed into the eclipse of your eyes. His own pupils dilated just slightly before he blinked and looked away.

"Come, as comfortable as this is, we should both get some food in our systems." Your stomach rumbled just as he said this causing him to smirk. "It seems as though my timing, as usual, is perfect."

Reluctantly you rolled over and stretched, causing the tunic you wore to rise dangerously high. Maul noticed this. The two of you made your way to the common area. He made the caf and you fried up some large mystery eggs you found in the cooler after verifying with him that they were in fact food.

"So master, what's on the schedule today?" You asked before stuffing your mouth greedily with the hot breakfast.

"You're going to practice your patience. Meditation. I was lax with you yesterday but were going to be traveling quite a bit and we can't play sabacc constantly."

"Anything I should focus on?"

"Well albeit odd, you made quite the connection with that rancor. See if you can't reach out and keep tabs on him. Or something else of your choosing. Try to reach out as far as you possibly can. I'm interested in your limits." You nodded your head and drank your caf.

You spent some time stretching before sitting down back-to-back with your master on the floor. You closed your eyes and allowed the heavy blanket of the force to swallow you up until you no longer felt the metal floor beneath you.

Images of the forest on Dathomir became clear. The swaying of the surroundings as if you were looking through Angel's eyes. You were glad he was okay. Then something else tried to take over. You let it happen. The old man who taught you sabacc appeared. "There's no need to hide little one. I won't sell you off or hurt you. You look hungry. Here.... where are your parents?"

The vision changed and you were standing in the center of your village. The jedi that came to test you spoke without feeling, without caring, "no we can't take her. She’s far too emotional, chaotic even. If we teach her to use the force she will only be consumed by hatred, evil and darkness." Tears fell from your small eyes, only three or four years old. "I'm not evil..." Then everything was burning, your friends were screaming and you ran. You ran to your home which was overwhelmed by the inferno. Your mother was crawling out of the front door on her belly completely engulfed in the flames. Her skin half burned away and eyes melting. She tried to say something to you but the only sound she could muster was a throaty gurgle of blood before her life rattled away.

You turned to run, your mother's gurgling screaming in your ears. You kept sprinting until you were older, chasing a small prey animal in the wilds of an unknown planet you had traveled to while stowed away on a transport. Catching it in your hands, you were so hungry you tore into the crying creature, blood dripping down your chin.

More fire blazed around you. Mountains of scrap. Again, you were eating live vermin but your legs didn't feel like yours. You couldn't feel them at all. Eight spindly legs of scrap clumsily carried you down a hole. You screamed a name that felt foreign on your tongue until your throat burned.

Your arms were chained to a ceiling, dangling you so your toes just brushed the dirt floor. You won't submit. He whipped you until you were drenched in your own blood, convulsing from the electricity but you didn't scream. You didn't cry. You felt your savior's presence like the shadow on a wall. You knew he'd come for you... eventually. All you had to do was hold on. To wait for him.

There he knelt in front of you. While you were bound in the market place. The Zygerrian removed your blindfold, your eyes cold as he looked into them but your mind screaming "PLEASE. PLEASE TAKE ME. GET ME OUT OF HERE. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO BE ANYMORE! IT’D NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!”

Your eyes shot open. Utterly blown in fear, in rage, in torment. Once again, your master knelt in front of you but it was different this time. His eyes were soft, worried. He wanted to touch you; his hand outstretched but he didn't know if you wanted to be touched. Instinct made you shrink away and bare your teeth, eyes darting rapidly around the ship. Quickly accounting every detail to ensure this wasn't a vision. Once you were almost convinced you crawled back to your master and with a shaky hand you reached and touched his face. You felt him, he was real. Only then did you settle, pushing the beast back down inside you.

Maul's nails dug into his thighs as he went over in his mind everything he had seen. He looked to you again, you wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Please know I didn't try to go inside your mind Y/N.." he used your name and spoke softly.

"A door appeared in front of me, I didn't know what lay beyond so I opened it and I saw... everything, felt what you felt." He paused "I know you saw one of my memories, before Savage found me."

Only then did you look at him, apologetically. "I'm sorry master I don't know what happened."

"Were you going to kill yourself if I didn't take you from that slaving scum?" Genuine concern shown in his eyes and shame flickered across yours. You sighed a single "yes." He nodded in understanding. He inched a little closer to you. "Do you still think about doing that?"

"Master... it's been 20 years since I lost my family, my village.. and 15 years since that man taught me to play the cards... it had been 15 years since someone cared that I ate or didn't outright try to harm me or kill me. Until you and Savage came along. No, I don't want that anymore." He lunged towards to and pulled you tightly into a fierce embrace. One hand gripping your back and the other woven in your hair.

"Please know my life is better with you in it little one." You inhaled deeply with your face nestled in his neck. Taking in his scent like you'd never smell him again, your arms firm around him as well.

Without thinking you glanced at the chronometer within your view. "Thirteen hours?!" You exclaimed. "It felt like ten minutes." Maul pulled away from you. "Nothing kills time like sleep or meditation."

"Well now I feel like I need the former." You pinched the bridge of your nose and rubbed one of your temples.

"That’s fine but.... I'm not going to dance around it tonight. You're coming with me again."

"Oh you'll find no argument here." You tried to smile but it twitched.

You opted to shower before going to sleep. Clean body clean mind, or so you tried to convince yourself. Maul was waiting for you in his bed, chest bare to you and his back leaning up against the wall. The reflection of the data-pad shining across the lenses of his reading glasses. It would have been a sinful sight if your mind hadn’t been otherwise occupied. He looked up at you, sheepishly standing at the foot of his bed. Setting the device down on his bedside table along with his glasses he leaned forward and stretched his hand out to you. Slowly you crawled up and over to him. He pulled you onto his chest and wrapped you up tightly with the soft fabric. Thrumming of his twin hearts easing the anxiety in your belly.

"We will reach our destination tomorrow."

"I've never been to Corellia before. What’s it like.”

“The inhabitants of Corellia have always been known for an insatiable wanderlust which led to a booming ship building economy. It exports talented pilots and ships while importing just about everything. As far as core worlds go, they don’t ask questions other than ‘what are you buying’.”

You replied with a hum and closed your eyes, allowing his hearts beats to lull you to sleep.

Thinking for just a moment before stifling his worry, Maul brushed his lips lightly to the temple you had rubbed earlier. Feeling a deeper kinship with you after what he had seen and realizing you had a past that wasn’t unlike him own in many ways. He wondered if you found these tender moments with him as intoxicating as he found them? Nothing you had faced in your life stopped you from having fun, finding amusement, allowing yourself to be soft when the opportunity arose. You were stronger than he was in that regard and he admired you for that. He only wanted you to feel kindness from him. He wondered what further depths he would've sunk to if Savage hadn't revived him. He wouldn't have ever known moments like these, where you clung to him in your sleep. He decided he would thank his brother again later.

Corellia was like nothing you had ever seen before. Tall towers reached for the atmosphere itself but without the insufferable heat and dryness of Zygerria. Beings of every species chattered happily in the streets. The city of Coronet 'the Jewel of Corellia' as many of the lit signs read, was nestled against an expanse of water. Your master had given you a heavy purse of credits and sent you on your way to shop and enjoy the city. Saying only that'd he'd find you when he was done refueling and stocking up on the more boring items needed for your travels. One of the locals pointed you in the direction of Treasure Ship Row. A bazaar that you could supposedly find anything anyone could ever look for; at least, according to the Twi’lek who pointed you in its direction.

You had never held even a fraction of the money Maul had given you, you felt like a Queen passing through the many shops and held your head high. You had all but forgotten you didn't even have shoes until you found a little shop with lovely dresses in the window.

The shop girl was kind and inviting despite your disheveled appearance. Sure that she had taken note of the large purse that hung from your hip. She aided in your search until you had a nice stack of both appealing and practical clothing.

You allowed yourself to be pampered at a nearby day spa the clerk had recommended to you so that you didn’t get your new clothes and shoes dirty so quickly. Utterly famished after your day you found a relatively clean little bar deeper inside the Blue Sector.

Taking a seat at the counter it didn't take long before a deep voiced Kel Dor took your order. Flashing a grateful smile, you dug into your fried Nuna Legs and sipped from a glass of red wine. A handsome Chiss, you assumed was a mechanic by his dress, took the seat next to you at the counter and gave you a wanting side eye.

"No." You stated curtly not looking up from your glass.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask." He smiled and ordered a malt liquor while the Kel Dor poured you a second.

"The nature of your question doesn't matter. The answer is no." You hadn't turned to him until he chuckled. You raised your brow.

"I was going to ask what a lovely flower like you was doing here. That's not a yes or no question." Sighing you turned to him realizing that you weren't going to get rid of him so easily. You eyed him slowly, he really was handsome despite the streak of grease across his cheek. He flashed you a charming smile you were sure he had rehearsed.

"I can see you've enjoyed the market."

"I have. And although I must say I appreciate the red of your eyes, this lovely flower prefers her companions to have thorns rather than grease stains." You turned back towards your drink sensing your master before you saw him.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" The Chiss asked genuinely confused. You smirked into your drink when you heard Maul clear his throat. The stranger looked back vaguely frustrated and widened his eyes as your master removed his hood revealing his crown of ivory horns.

"Oh, don't be frightened on my account. You're doing wonderfully."

The Chiss quickly left the seat and your master called out to him with a complete lack of tone or emotion. "No, don't go. I'd hate to take your seat."

Both you and the Kel Dorrian bar keep chuckled at his candor as Maul took the newly freed seat swinging back the drink the stranger had left. He smirked at you, noting your black cotton romper, keeping the style of a plunging neckline but now your arms bare and your legs covered. He also noticed your newly painted red nails and ruby studs in your ears.

"Wealth looks good on you."

"Wealth looks good on anyone who knows how to spend it." you quirked the corner of your mouth up and tossed the purse back to your master keeping a small handful.

"Is the ship ready?"

"Ah yes, your destiny awaits little one."

You gestured to the man behind the bar and settled your tab, giving him a generous tip. He flustered at the gesture, only answering him with beaming smile. Maul stood and offered you his elbow which you gladly accepted and the two of you sauntered out of the bar, not before blowing a kiss towards the irritated Chiss.

Maul liked the idea of men trying to woo you only to be met with rejection much more than he thought he would. He liked having the eyes of men who wanted you on him as he led you out of the establishment. He had appreciated your looks before, albeit a wild kind of beauty. He had never imagined you to clean up so well though, adorning his colors of black and red. He allowed his mind to drift to the thought of ruling with you by his side, with your chin held high and the power emanating from your soul, you looked incredibly regal with this newfound confidence. Was this your standard demeanor when you weren’t in the role of a student with her master?

You boarded your ship and sat next to your master in the co-pilot’s chair your eyes lit with excitement. "To Malachor?"

"Yes my dear, to Malachor."

#maul x y/n #maul fluff #star wars maul #darth maul #maul x reader #sith warrior #sith reader #sith apprentice #maul x sith apprentice #swtcw au #star wars #starwars au

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dehydratedpercy · 3 years ago

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Prompt: " Please.....dont make me hurt you"

For dark Frank maybe👀 but you Can also choose someone else

A Way To Hurt (2.5k)

Read on Ao3 | Based on this post

Summary: Hazel still has Frank's firewood, though they're enemies now. Even though she knows she could kill him, she can't bring herself to betray his trust-- that is, until he shows up one night intent on getting his lifeline back, no matter the cost.

TW: Home invasion, dark themes

Hazel had just finished getting ready for bed when she heard the noise. It came from the other room, so she picked up her spatha, hoping beyond hope that it was just the old house settling.

Sometimes, it was just the old house settling. She kept her spatha by her side at all times though, because she knew one day, it wouldn’t just be the house. And she refused to be unarmed when that day finally came.

Now, she had her sword, which gave her comfort even if she wasn’t wearing armor. Her sweats were oversized, her mouth still tasting like toothpaste. Her eyes had been drooping, almost falling asleep standing up.

She wasn’t falling asleep now.

She stepped into the bedroom, pausing in the doorway. For a moment, there was nothing. Then Frank materialized, landing with barely a step. It was almost as if he'd taken off Annabeth's invisibility cap, but Hazel knew the truth; that he'd simply been in the form of a bug, and had shifted back to his human form. It was a trick he’d started learning when he was still at camp, but clearly he’d perfected it since then.

Hazel let her spatha hang by her side, not raising it quite yet. Frank wouldn’t have shown himself if he was just going to attack her, which meant he must’ve wanted to talk.

This’ll be good, she thought, crossing her arms.

“Hazel,” Frank said, sounding on edge. He looked worse than the last time she saw him, like he hadn’t been sleeping. Despite that, his posture was straight, like he hadn’t been able to forget his Roman training, his hands in his pockets casually, like he hadn’t just broken in. “You look-- good. You look good.”

It came out as a stumbled complement, but it hit Hazel like an insult. They’d broken up directly before he’d left camp, but before that they’d been dating for nearly three years. He’d never gotten less awkward. At one point, it had been endearing-- but too much had changed for it to feel like anything but an insult now. Especially since she knew why he was here.

“That attack on Camp Half-Blood. That was you, wasn’t it?”

Frank shrugged non-committally. “I wasn’t there, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You just helped organize it.”

“Sounds like something I’d do, doesn’t it?” He said, neither agreeing or disagreeing. “Hazel--”

“And the attack on the questers? The bear--”

He huffed. “Might have just been a freak accident. Wild animals attack sometimes, Hazel.”

“Stop saying my name,” she snapped. “It’s not yours to say anymore. And that warship that was destroyed? The defenses that were destroyed? The supplies that were booby-trapped?”

Frank took a step forward, eyes darkening. He didn’t like being pushed, but Hazel didn’t care. He deserved to feel the impact of the crimes he committed-- crimes against demigods, crimes against his family. Hazel wasn’t going to let him get away so easily.

They’d initially broken up when Frank started getting too radical, claiming that they were doing something wrong by taking in and training new demigods. He said they’d be better off left alone, where they wouldn’t be able to get too powerful, and thus wouldn’t attract as many monsters. Some would die, sure-- but he thought back to his mortal days with a fondness he didn’t hold for either camp. He thought it would’ve been better not to know.

He was wrong. But that didn’t stop him. He left camp, found beings willing to support his cause, and started a gradual campaign to dissolve both camps-- make them so unsafe demigods started fleeing, trying their luck in the mortal world.

Hazel and her friends had volunteered to be the ones to take him in-- or, if that didn’t work, bring him down. This house had been their mission headquarters. It was supposed to be secure. Then again, nothing seemed to be secure these days: there was nowhere Frank had been unable to go. He could turn into a bug and fly under doors, turn into a bear and attack innocents, turn into an elephant and take down buildings. His shifting was instantaneous, making him impossible to fight: he changed form before you could land a swing.

“You act like I’m a bad guy,” Frank said, voice low and dangerous. “Like I’m not doing all of this to help people. The generation after us will thank me when they are able to live among mortals again--”

“The ones who don’t die, maybe!” Hazel said, voice raising. “And fuck the next generation, what about the ones who are alive now? The demigods who have already started exploring their powers, who can’t stay in the mortal world without detection. What about them?”

“They’re a lost cause,” Frank said, sounding deeply saddened by this. “And I am too. I know my scent is as powerful as yours or Jason’s; this fucking curse has seen to that.”

“A blessing,” Hazel corrected, feeling the familiarity of their old argument like a frequently dislocated joint. “Shapeshifting is a blessing, a gift more demigods would die for--”

“I’m barely even human anymore!” Frank yelled. Hazel stepped back in horror as he shifted rapidly, going from human to bear to hawk to wolf to human again. It happened so quickly it just looked like a flicker, and then he was human again, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath. “Hazel, I wouldn’t wish this curse on anyone. And even if I was just a normal demigod, going to camp was the biggest mistake of my life. If I had never done that, my scent would have never gotten this strong. My family mansion would still be around, my grandmother would still be--” he swallowed with difficulty. “My grandmother would still be alive. Camp Jupiter took everything from me. And I can’t get it back, but maybe-- I could make it better for future demigods. That’s all I can hope for.”

“At the expense of demigods now,” Hazel whispered. “Frank, without the camps… so many people will die. Demigods need a safe place to train.”

Frank’s expression closed off, and Hazel knew he was done arguing with her. Early on, he’d hoped to get her to see his side, but he’d quickly seen that that would never happen.

“Fine,” he said, voice like a knife. “Then just give me what I came here for, and I’ll be on my way.”

Hazel felt her face heat up. Her hand twitched, wanting to move to touch the side of her thigh where his piece of firewood sat. All this time, and he’d never gotten it back. At first, Hazel thought it was a hopeful sign, since it meant he must still trust it in her care, but as his actions grew more and more violent, she knew it was only a matter of time.

She had used to keep it in a jacket pocket, but she wasn’t so naive anymore. Currently, the wood was duct-taped to the side of her thigh, so it never left her side. No one knew; her friends didn’t even know she had it. She’d considered telling them, but she just couldn’t betray Frank’s trust like that. She’d considered burning it-- especially after hearing about the deaths-- but in the end, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. How could she betray someone who had trusted her with everything? How could she hurt anyone like that?

Hazel had known, in her heart, that one day he’d show up, looking for the piece of timber. She had hoped it wouldn’t happen, but she’d known. She wasn’t as naive as people liked to think.

“I’m not giving you anything,” she said, raising her spatha. “For all you know, I don’t even have it anymore. I may have put it in a safe across the country, and you’ll never find it.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Come on Hazel. Don’t make me ask again.”

“I told you not to say my name.”

“Hazel,” Frank snapped. “You’re acting like a child. I’m trying to make the world a better place, and it’s bad enough you of all people are trying to stop me. But that timber doesn’t belong to you. Give it here.”

“Do you remember who my father is?” Hazel challenged, baring her teeth. “I could kill you with the snap of my fingers. I’d be more afraid, if I were you.”

"You have my firewood, you could've killed me long ago," Frank argued. "You haven't. You're not going to try now."

Hazel felt her eyes blaze with determination. "You don't know that."

He started moving forward, and Hazel was reminded briefly how much bigger than her he was. "I do. Because I know you, and I know you'd never do anything to hurt a friend."

"Unlike some people," Hazel snarled.

Frank ignored the jab, still moving forward. “Hazel, I’m begging you, just hand it over. I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you.”

He got too close, and Hazel slashed with her sword. In an instant, he was gone, and then he was behind her, grabbing her around the waist. She screamed as he grabbed her hoodie pocket, feeling for the timber. She tried to elbow him in the face but he was gone again, and then she tripped over something and was on the ground. She swiped at him again but he was relentless, disappearing and reappearing again, attacking her like a wolf tearing at scaps. She couldn’t strike her, no matter how hard she tried.

Suddenly, she felt his hand on her thigh, and in a panic she kicked him away. He responded slower this time, barely turning into a bird in time to stop himself from slamming full force into the opposite wall. He dropped back to human form, panting, but his gaze was vicious. He’d found what he was looking for.

“You used to be a gentleman,” Hazel said bitterly as she stumbled to her feet, backing up. He had never so blatantly ignored her consent like that before, touching her like she was a means to an end instead of a person.

“I’m not going to be a gentleman when you have my lifeline tucked against your skin,” Frank said cruelly.

Hazel saw his muscles tense and just had enough time to say “No--” when he lunged, turning into a hawk. She slashed with her sword, but then he was a coyote, hitting her with so much force she fell again. There was a ripping noise, but she didn’t have time to react because then he was on top of her in human form again. They wrestled for a moment, but Hazel had never excelled in hand-to-hand combat, and he was twice her size with the upper hand. He threw her spatha to the side, then pinned her beneath him.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, then there was a hand over her mouth. She lurched, screaming into it as he ripped the duct-taped timber off her leg, taking some of her hair with it.

As a wolf, he must’ve bitten off a hunk of her sweatpants, and now he had the timber back in his hand.

He looked at it in awe, as if he wasn’t didn’t even see her as a threat anymore.

She gritted her teeth and summoned her sword. It flew so fast it knocked Frank in the back of the head, and then she was able to throw him off her body, slashing at the same time. He turned into a hawk but wasn’t quick enough, and she sliced off part of his wing. He fell, rolling away in human form, and when he came to a stop Hazel saw the huge gash down his arm. He reached up to touch it, and it was then that Hazel realized he didn’t have the wood.

She spotted it, laying in the center of the floor, at the same time as he did. They both lunged, Frank’s image flickering through half a dozen transformations before he grabbed onto the timber with his thick human hand. Hazel almost took off his fingers as she swung. Instead of knocking the wood out of his hand, however, she cut it clear in half.

That was good enough for her. She dove, grabbing the wood and rolling.

She landed in a kneeling position, half of the piece of timber in her hands. Frank held the other, teeth gritted. He looked like he planned to launch another attack, but before he could Hazel did what she should’ve done a long time ago: warping the imperial gold of her sword, turning it to its liquid state in mid-air, and using it to coat her piece of wood. She raised it, triumphant, the metal-covered wood levitating an inch above her hand. It glowed inhumanly-- after all, she had her own curses to deal with. Frank wouldn’t dare touch it now.

The house shook. It took Hazel a moment to realize that was her magic, causing the very foundations of the house to tremor. There were shouts from the lower floor, the sound of pounding footsteps.

“Try me again,” she threatened, still levitating her trophy grotesquely. “I will end you.”

Frank looked pissed, but he also must’ve seen how serious she was. He swallowed, stuffing his piece of firewood back in his pocket. “Until we meet again-- Levesque.”

Then he turned into a bat, still able to fly despite his injured wing. The door opened and he swooped out, escaping into the rest of the house and eventually, into the night.

Jason and Percy lurched in, both looking panicked. They didn’t seem to have noticed the bat. When Jason saw Hazel, his eyes widened, and he backed up into Percy, nearly knocking him over. “Hazel-- your eyes--”

Hazel realized her eyes must’ve started glowing gold, like they sometimes did when she was filled with rage. With effort, she willed them to stop, calling on the house to still.

“What happened?” Percy asked as Hazel walked to the window. She watched as a bat darted out the front door, which was still open-- Jason and Percy must’ve just gotten back. She continued watching the bat until it was too far away to see, then sighed. She willed the metal to uncover the piece of tinder, revealing it as a piece of wood again, and holding it up for them to see.

She’d never told anyone Frank’s secret, thinking her loyalty to her promise came before anything else. She didn’t think that anymore, though, and she was done doing Frank favors.

(The wood still had Frank’s blood on it, and it made Hazel’s stomach twist uncomfortably.)

“I have something to tell you guys,” Hazel said, doing an impressive job of keeping her voice from shaking. “A secret I’ve been holding for Frank for-- too long. It may not be enough to destroy him, but at the very least, I know a way where we can hurt him very, very badly.”

Send me an ask | Read "Preserve or Raze" | Check out my AO3

#ask #answer #Dark!Frank #Dark!Percy #dark fic #frank zhang #fic #fanfic #2-5k

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herotome · 4 years ago

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Omg the demo of this game is great, I cant wait to fortnight dance in to making the next stupid decision 😂. Dont get me wrong, I love a game that doesnt take anything TOO seriously but what I love more is a game that isnt afraid to judge the player for how they play. I don't wanna put in any spoilers but let's just say, I knew what I did was dumb, and the game judged me HARD for it😘.Amazing! Following on all platforms just so I can hear more, just wanted to to say great game, it's just *chief's kiss*

Oh no what did you do?? Which choice could it have been, I have no idea... Anon you've even left me in suspense 😂😂😂

... Did you try to let a handsome stranger into your house? That's the main one I can think of where the protagonist's inner voice is like "NO...!"

I think I know the feeling though! I'm fortnight dancing right beside you; I love when games have opportunities for me to do just the naughtiest little things, and then they show me the consequence of my actions and I'm left like

And I'm either hastily reloading or I'm just morbidly curious enough to stick it out and see what else might happen.

I'm glad you enjoyed though, thank you for the follows! ❤️

And now for a 180 degree dev note tangent for anyone who hasn't played the game (particularly anyone who gets decision-making anxiety):

I want to clarify that while we've been talking a lot about funhouse chaos clown choices, Herotome has (and will continue to have) quite a bit of range and leeway. Among these choices, there's some variety to how they're weighed.

There's the "I kiss this stranger on the mouth and she blushes" choices (dubious but largely inconsequential), and then there's the "I tell a man that his father will never be proud of him" choices (reverse social link and burning that bridge to a crisp).

You should be able to get away with 2-3 "bad" choices quite safely, even if certain characters have negative reactions.

The game won't jump at the chance to punish you. Although I enjoy playing games that kill you for like, a one-time choice of walking through the wrong door or for sassing the wrong demon, Herotome isn't one of them.

In the next installments there willllll beee some bad endings if you insist on choosing like 5+ of the bad choices.... basically you'd need to insist on a pattern of self-sabotage.

I also want to say that I'd never personally judge or shame y'alls choices, even if the characters get uppity sometimes. I'd have to judge myself for writing the choices in the first place, and that would be silly (◕v◕✿)

#herotome ask

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candyredterezii · 3 years ago

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I do think the funny part of hs2 is that half the ethos behind it is like. hussie voice look you got the homestuck you got and then it was over and you can make whatever you want out of it but you shouldn’t ask me the author for more bc I want to be done with it. and then people asked for more for like two years and he was like fine here. and like yeah people can choose to not like it but here’s the thing: if you don’t like it you’re proving him correct about how we shouldn’t have asked him for more. like “oh it’s a dumb point” yeah sure whatever but it’s also a true point. like what are you gonna do, prove him wrong by *checks notes* liking the epilogues?

i mean to be fair if i recall correctly they said they'd make an epilogue before homestuck even ended. they said they'd do that. like this is before the end even happened and people wanted more

so like i dont understand it at all and it just seems kinda like a stupid and pretentious move by them which is in character

they obvi didnt really give a shit about homestuck anymore after like idk how many years between the end and the epilogues and decided to just burn the bridge and say 'fuck you' to their fans which is kinda like. well okay

but whatever i dont even care anymore i just think its funny objectively how fucked over jane and dirk fans were LMAO

#candyredask #anonymous #homestuck /

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passionate-hedgehog · 4 years ago

Text

Impasse pt 2

Impasse is a 3-part series revolving around Reader entering society in Regency-Era London. Completely inspired by me binging the entirety of Bridgerton in less than 24 hours, Impasse will end with either Duke Damien Haas x Reader, or Courtney Miller x Reader.

Pt 2.

Pairings: Eventual Damien Haas x Reader, Eventual Courtney Miller x Reader

Warnings: None

Word: 2187

A/N: I know that my masterlist links arent working. If you try to use it, and things dont go where you want them to take you...well...I warned you. I’m turning this into a 4 part fic. There’s no way I can comfortably fit what I want into 3 separate sections. Part 3 will be out when this hits 15 notes! Thank you to everyone that liked and interacted with the first part. And thank you to the fans of my toher works. I love all of you omg. Enjoy ♥

Chapter Summary: The social Season has officially begun. Deals are being made amongst friends and old flames are fanning. Will there be any sparks igniting as well?

“What do you suspect he wants to talk about?” After the morning activities with Lord Haas in the drawing-room, Y/n and her handmaid found themselves busy with average daily activities.

Caroline’s expression was nonplussed as she stared at the back of Y/n’s head. The women were preparing Y/n for bed. The latter was in her chair as the housemaid brushed through her hair.

“Why must you give me that look every time I open my mouth?”

“Why must such ridiculous things come out of your mouth every time you open it?”

They discovered Shayne in his favorite study, books littering the desk he occupied. Y/n would always ask him when he planned on attending university but the young man tended to reply with something akin to “that’s not for me”. The young woman didn’t understand. She knew how smart her twin was, how clever he could be given the situation. Mayhaps one day he’d see the things he could accomplish.

“To what do I owe this visit?” The fair-haired man asked as his sister sat at the opposite side of his desk. A rather thick tome set open before him while his right hand held a fountain pen to sheets of parchment.

Y/n perched her arms along the length of the armrests and sat comfortably. “I thought I might see what you’re up to. But I find that you’re doing nothing different than normal. When are you going to talk to Father about university?”

Shayne restraint from rolling his eyes visible as he went back to his books, and scratching at the parchment. “When are you going to talk to me about Courtney?”

“What? That has nothing to do with...Shayne. My favorite twin, you could be doing so many more things if you were off to study. Collegiately.”

This caused the young man to sigh. “Y/n-,”

“I’m being serious here, Shayne. You’re in here, every day, reading and writing. It’s almost a different book a week. Sometimes, your nose is in a book about far-off adventures in distant lands and sometimes it’s about the history and tragedies of the lands around us. Look that book right there.” She motioned to the collection of parchment before Shayne. “I gather that one is not Shakespeare. What is it? The history of France?”

Shayne lowered his head back to the pages before putting his pen back on the parchment, not meeting his sister’s eyes. “Spain, as a matter of fact.”

Y/n held a blank countenance.

“I’m trying my hand at the Spanish language. Does that quell your curiosity?”

Y/n smirked. “You’re just proving my point.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” The young man laid his fountain pen on the parchment and clasped his hands together before leaning forward. “I’ll talk to Father about university if you read and respond to Courtney’s letter..”

The young woman grumbled and stood up from her chair. “Suddenly, I have a desire for some poetry. Caroline, I’ll be in the library. I’ll call for you if I need you.”

The handmaid nodded from where she stood by the fireplace, her hands clasped in front of her as Y/n walked to the door. “Of course.”

Y/n turned one last glance to her twin before exiting the room and found Caroline in the chair Y/n’s ownself just left. The handmaid was smiling at Shayne as he talked. The rosy tint to Caroline’s cheeks as the man laughed sparked Y/n’s curiosity yet still managed to make her smile. It was cute if she had to be honest. The handmaid had the tendency, lately, to be quieter than usual. While yes, Caroline was well-mannered and modest, it was different when Shayne was around. Had it just been the two women, Caroline could be witty. Y/n enjoyed that in the handmaid. It was refreshing and reminded her of a long-lost friend.

“For Heaven’s sake, Courtney. You’re not even here but you’re still here.” The young woman fiddled with a woven bracelet made from brightly colored twine.

“Y/n?” A voice called from next to her as her hand was on the doorknob to the library.

“Oh, Lord Haas! I did not realize you were here.” Y/n peered behind her companion and to her own left and right, in case she missed any other person.

“It’s just me. And please, call me Damien. We’ve known each other since we were young, back when we had all of our friends amongst us.” The duke gave a gentle pleading look.

“I was a tad cheeky back then. I wasn’t going to call you by any title.”

Damien cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “You’re still a tad cheeky to this day. Am I wrong?”

Y/n’s matched his smirk before opening the door to the library and making her way inside. A witty remark was caught in her throat when her eyes caught someone standing next to the nearest shelving of books.

“Court-Courtney?” Her hand slipped off of the knob of the door. “What are you doing here?”

The light-haired woman bit her lip. “I wanted to visit. You never responded to any of my letters. I thought...I thought maybe something had happened.”

“You...I can’t...Excuse me.” The young woman turned around in haste and scurried away. She found herself in the empty kitchen trying to breathe through what just happened.

Good going. You’re such a coward.

“I’m such a coward.”

“No, you’re not.” Damien had followed her into the cooking area. He led her to a chair and guided her to sit. “Some refreshment might make it better?”

Y/n watched her old friend as he went about collecting items. She noticed how at ease he seemed going through her icebox and cupboards. How expertly he sliced up fruit. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in his livery, as well, but there was enough going on inside of her head. Damien approached the table with a modest platter and placed it in the center of the table before he sat himself in a chair across from her.

“I figure that some soft cheese might do some good as well as figs and berries. I hope they comfort you the way they do me.” He had gestured towards the food.

Y/n gave a thankful nod before reaching for a bite. “Thank you, Damien. This means very much to me.”

The man grabbed fig and brie, biting into them. “If you need to talk, I’m all ears. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. But I’m here.”

Y/n fidgeted with a slice of fig fruit. She mentally weighed her options before speaking again. “I haven’t seen Courtney in over a year. We got into an argument...about the things she wanted to do and where she wanted to be in life. I regret it. I regret it every day. I let our relationship ...decay...because I didn’t approve of what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to work with horses, right? And entertain? That’s where she’s been this whole time?” Damien bit into some brie.

“I was treating her like she was someone like me. Someone that already had their life plans laid out for them. She was able to choose what she wanted in life.”

The young man studied Y/n’s face. “Y/n, were you...jealous that she had such an opportunity to live a dream that you tried burning bridges with her? She was your best friend. That had to be a hard decision to make.”

“It’s about more than that. I’m happy she was able to live how she wanted to...thrilled that she got to work with her passions. But..I wasn’t there with her. She wasn’t with me. It didn’t matter what she was doing...I just wanted it to be with..with me.

“I had this asinine vision that society would be in a different place by now. That two close friends could...be closer. And that I wouldn’t have to feel like I was left alone for the rest of my life. I see so many friendships for what they could be. The feelings that I’ve had over someone that will never be attainable I see in others. All of the time. Especially while I promenade! And it makes me sad for those yearning and it reminds me of what I can never have.”

There was a moment of silence before Y/n’s eyes widened in the realization of what she had just let out. “Oh my. I-You didn’t hear any of what I just said. Promise me!”

Damien laid a soft hand on Y/n’s arm. “I promise. I had no idea that you had harbored such...persuasions. Not that it’s anything you need to feel sorry about. You can’t help it. Your reactions, for sure, but...not for what you feel.”

“You, Lord Haas, will make someone a fine husband someday. Maybe even sometime soon? It is our season, finally, after all.” Y/n tried to hide her watery eyes behind a coy smirk. “Someone is bound to catch your eye.”

Damien breathed out before responding. “Someone already has, if I’m being honest. But maybe I’m far-reaching more than I originally thought.”

His words seemed to spark a sense of excitement through Y/n. She sat up straight and gripped the edges of the table.

“Who is she? Will you point her out to me while we promenade? No. I have an even better idea; can you introduce her to me at one of the balls?” Y/n was nearly on the edge of her seat. “Damien! This is exciting!”

“It’s not quite that intriguing, I promise you. Especially since nothing can come of it.” The man picked at the fruit on the platter. “But I digress. It seems that you’ve got your own sorting out to do. What are you going to do about callers if Courtney plans on joining in on the festivities this season? She may not come from one of the families but she has enough friends.”

“Then I hope she enjoys herself. For all I know, everything I felt could have been my very own thoughts and not hers. If she’s here to find a match, then let her. If she’s here to have fun, then by all means...I hope she has it. I just hope I can keep my heart to myself this time. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Y/n,” The man licked his lips before continuing. “Might I suggest trying to find out what exactly it is that your heart wants before you do anything else with it?”

The young woman topped her fig slice with some brie. “I’m going to pretend that you did not just offer such advice. Who would even think about courting a woman trying to figure out whether or not she wants her story to end with another woman? You slay me, Lord Haas.”

“I’m being entirely serious. Y/n, you could…” Damien seemed to pause before paying very close attention to fiddling with a berry. “We could stop your callers from coming around and maybe I could use a distraction. We could work together.”

“What? Like...you and I? Together together?”

The german-born duke hesitated before taking one of Y/n’s hands into both of his. “We could go to promenade as a match. And then to the balls, And the parties. No one would be the wiser. You could use this time to figure out what it is you truly want. And then who.”

The young woman looked down at their hands, hers fitting inside his the way she suspects other women her age dream of, yet, she wasn’t sure what it did to her. What he offered could very much help her, but what if Courtney got the wrong idea? What if everyone got the wrong idea?

“But what if it went right?”

“Hmm?” Damien asked in confusion.

“Nevermind.” Y/n shook the thoughts from her head. “Damien, I think...you may be on to something. You’re right. I...I don’t know how to be a...a wife to anyone. Let alone a man. And I won’t know until I figure myself out a little bit more. And then if this girl is running through your mind and you firmly believe that you can never court her…”

“Trust in me with this. I always thought she was someone I could never hope to marry, far too good for me in so many ways. But...maybe this will help me to see who else is out there. Maybe I’ll find my perfect match. And if we come out as a couple, it’ll provide good reason for the other men to leave you alone.”

“Too bad they just don’t leave me alone as is.”

“I believe Olivia said the same thing after she met Sam.”

“Heavens, that was a riot.” Y/n lifted her pinky to solidify the agreement with her friend. “Lord Damien Haas, I believe we might have ourselves a deal.”

#damien haas x reader #courtney miller x reader #shayne topp #ian hecox #olivia sui #noah grossman #keith leak jr #smosh fan fiction #smosh fanfic #smosh #bridgerton x smosh #bridgerton au

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gunnerpalace · 5 years ago

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I belonged to another heated (but no longer debatable imho) ship were I've known a lot to be IH. And ofc I feel bad they have to bear witness to people so salty about the ending and hated Ino. I hate Ino too with burning passion, and that kinda made me feel guilty. But the psychology major in me was baffled as to how they conclude immediately w/ no analysis she was hated not only because of ships but because either she was written terribly, or she was written to be terrible. Or probably both.

Why cant Ichigo and Rukia be married to someone we could *infer* (because duh it’s not canon they will argue) they are in love with? Someone they have shown to share bond with? “Oh well, its becoming commonplace that the hero doesnt end up w/ main heroine, it’s revolutionary!” Bullshit. Sadly that is logic fallacy you dumbasses. Where’s the progress? Kubo tried, barely even. And again, it’s not even about the ships, its the entire work that has become an anomaly–Bleach as became Bleauuughch.

Again, I feel bad they have to bear the weight of evert criticism, the insult, and the salt of basically a majority of bleach fandom. But I hope they can tell that majority (like 99.99999999998%) of the criticisms are valid and not just hate. If they couldnt bear to actual do analysis of why people hated it, then dont bother plead or guilt trip or go to ppl inboxes why should we just move on. Well, majority already did that’s why all was left were ppl who couldnt be bothered with actual quality.

Here’s the ugly truth about people: they can’t read.

Or they don’t want to.

We have this holdover idea from the Enlightenment that if you can gather enough evidence in fine and exacting enough detail, that you can not only discern some kind of truth, but convince other people of it through the preponderance of evidence. And we have structured our society around that idea, from politics to law to science to academia in general.

The trouble is that that idea is bullshit outside of academia.

That is not at all how regular people approach the world.

And the more we rely upon an idea that people are rational, the more we will be lost at and disappointed by the actuality that people are irrational and emotional.

Consider climate change. The scientific community has had roughly 97% consensus that climate change is being anthropomorphically driven (that is to say, somewhere between overwhelmingly and entirely caused by human activity) since at least the very early 2000s, if not back much earlier. Indeed, we know that the oil companies were aware of it at least as early as 1981! And here we are in 2020, with some 31% of the population either unsure of or disbelieving in it.

Whenever the matter is debated politically, scientists will trot out their facts and drop them on the table and point. The facts are self-evident, they feel. And then the conservative politicians will shrug and say, “I don’t believe you.”

And the scientists have no idea what to do about that. Because to their minds, facts are indisputable. You cannot argue with them.

But you can, as the conservatives illustrate. You just choose not to believe in them.

We are witnessing something very similar with COVID-19 at the moment, with large swathes of the (American) population simply not believing it to be a threat, in spite of all available evidence to the contrary.

We see the same thing with political leadership debating the question of whether to prioritize health or economics, and our media treating this as if it is a legitimate policy debate, when we already know the answer to that question from the Spanish Flu of 1918: towns and cities that were locked down and quarantined suffered fewer casualties and had much faster economic rebounds.

People generally do not read.

People generally do not process.

People generally do not analyze.

People generally do not learn.

And if they can’t do those things for very large-scale existential threats that can threaten anything from tens to hundreds of millions of people worldwide, to the entire ecosphere of the planet, why would one expect them do so for a piece of fiction?

If people cannot handle cold, hard statistical facts, or simple arithmetic, then they certainly cannot handle something as “subjective” as facial expressions or dialogue. I have written recently about how the attitude toward non-fandom things (e.g., politics) increasingly resembles that of fandom, of approaching everything as though it is merely an aesthetic exercise.

That is really what we are dealing with here: ignorance. And not merely ordinary ignorance, not even willful ignorance, but an ignorance so deliberate and cultivated that its goal is nothing less than the total erasure of the facts. (The problem here, in this particular example, are of course the people who say unequivocally, “Ichigo always loved Orihime,” in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Someone who says, “It is clear to me this wasn’t a thing, but I like IH aesthetically,” is a non-issue.)

(Demanding or trying to force this former perspective does, as you suggest in the third ask, indicate a certain insecurity and a tacit admission that the perspective being advanced is illegitimate or poorly substantiated. However, for the people so enthralled to openly admit that is a psychological admission of defeat so severe that most would literally rather die than own up to being wrong to such an extent, and to suffer the attendant internal loss of face. So they seek continual external validation of it to shore it up.)

There is, in essence, no point in communicating with this kind of fan whatsoever. They are functionally like how Kyle Resse describes the Terminator in The Terminator:

Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!

There is a lot of tepid discussion out there in political circles that the degree of polarization in society today is unprecedented and that a way to bridge that gap could be through shared interests and values. But in my opinion, fandom proves exactly the opposite is true: the reasons people like things that are nominally “shared interests,” and their view of those things and why they are good, are completely and utterly irreconcilable. There is, essentially, virtually zero overlap in a Venn diagram of the perspectives. Shared interests divide as much as they will ever unite.

In that regard, Bleach should be treated as both a warning and a grim assessment of our world as a whole. It is not really an aberration.

It is the future.

This community (among others) has simply been living in it a few years in advance of other people. Everyone else has gotten their first big taste of it with Trump. (The Republicans have been constructing an alternate reality since 1964, but comparatively few people were aware of how deep the rabbit hole went.)

In my estimation, it is not worth engaging with people over a shared interest with sincerity, let alone in good faith, unless you have done some degree of vetting of their perspective. Most likely observing them or their works for a time. Without that, you simply open yourself up to these people who show a total lack of discernment or rationality.

And that is a large part of why social media is such an absolute garbage fire, because as platforms they are built around precisely the opposite notion. (And largely in defiance of the idea that people might want to curate their experiences or might not want to have “healthy debate,” which is almost never healthy and seldom ever debate). Some would argue this leads to echo chambers and hug boxes, but it’s not like the alternative that these companies have produced (for profit, of course, rather than for of any ideological mission) is any better.

To boil it all down, what we are really forced to rely on (quite sadly) is a free market approach: no matter how much that side rages and waves their “canon” status around, they simply do not produce much content. They will starve long before our side does, regardless of any other factors. (Their “canon” status did not help them any in the past four years.) And the people who are agnostic (e.g., the “I’m Still Bleach” crowd that is for some reason vaguely invested in the series as a whole) will lose interest and move on to the next shiny thing.

The only thing that is necessary in the face of all this is really patience. In the meantime, the best thing is simply to ignore the existence of such parties utterly.

#Asks

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life-of-ice · 5 years ago

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Apparently I'm an even bigger sucker for AJR then even I thought I was. Ya boi wrote down my interpretation of the stories of as many AJR songs as I could get a hold of.

(Not gonna lie, some of these made me cry.)

AJR Analysis : Living Room

Overture- Is good songs smushed together

Infinity- This is kind of one of the only love songs they will ever write. In this he is kind of asking if it was all in his head and that she was kind of perfect to him and all his troubles fell away when she was there and it's just a really sweet song.

I’m Ready- This is when they are really confident and happy, and excited for their first album to come out. They also want to make other people happy

My Calling- He is finding his calling, which is represented by ‘ I'm sailing the clouds”, and he's pretty confident it is his calling as said by teh “It might be my calling”.I think the “A heartbreak and hundred red balloons, now i'm off the floor” means he found his calling when he broke up with his significant other, and finding his purpose made him happy, or euphoric. He kinda thinks that he's going to put himself into this completely, and there's no going back, so he’ll let you know when he succeeds.

Thirsty- This is a silly party song about drunk people being really intense and excited.

Pitchfork Kids- This is literally one of the most intense song in the album and it is so hard to analyze in the beginning. He’s saying if he should spend time running for his life and that the “Pitchfork kids” are coming for him, orlike peer pressure and popular kids and people and if he gets away he’ll still be singing his.

Livin’ on Love- This is about a guy who has a crush on someone, and that someone makes the first move. He explains he likes to take it slow, and he doesn't want this relationship to end, and looks like it'll be smooth sailing from there.

Big White Bed- He's thinking about his future with someone he lives. He would imagine living with his significant other for the rest of his life.

The World is A Marble Heart- He feels betrayed that his ex left him because of promises his ex made him when they first started dating. He's just kinda bitter.

The Green and the Town-The Giants they refer to are adults. They know they're growing up, and they hope they can keep their youthful tendencies. He wants to be able to come back home someday, and relive his younger days.

Big Idea- They are really confident after a big success. And while they might be a small fry in the world of music, they are taking what they can get. They feel like you can do anything you put your mind to. But for now they are going to celebrate.

Growing Old on Bleecker Street- He's kind of saying it's kind of pointless to dream alone and that he is going to take his and wait for someone for him to make him happy. And that time may wash away his memories but him and the person in the song and him will still cry together. This song is really hard to put into words but i think the music and the lyrics are really beautiful. The music really complements the words too. It's a beautiful ending to a beautiful album.

AJR Analysis : The Click - Deluxe( https://youtu.be/PZz1Gxdb_tA )

Overture- Unfortunately, this is just a very well put together mashup of the other songs.

The Good Part- He's not sure he's made it yet and he doesn't know what or where it is but still really wants to be there but he doesn't want to go through all of the hard parts in the middle and, this is just stealing the name but, just wants to skip to the good part.

Weak- He wants to be stronger and resist those who want to get him in trouble, despite how he knows that trouble he gets himself into is fun for him. He keeps refusing, his past keeps interfering as though he had an addiction in the past.” One hit” almost certainly refers to that.

Sober Up- He doesn't want to be left behind by the few people he wants to trust but they keep losing touch and his new friends are kinda bad (reference to drama) and i think this kind of touches on the three of their relationship as brothers that dont hate each other.

Drama- He is outgrowing his friends, and notices that they aren't exactly the best influence on him. His so called friends have overblown problems that really aren't necessary, and they are pretty as shown in the “Recently, he said that she said some shret that you wouldn't believe.”

Turning Out- He realizes he has really high expectations for a relationship, needs to reevaluate how he would like a relationship. He also needs to work on his maturity. He realizes he needs to know how to make a friendship before he does anything else.

No Grass Today- He refers to smoking when he talks about “grass”. It seems like he used to smoke, but stopped after he started performing. He doesn'to anymore, but is cool if you smoke because he understands that it has a kind of euphoria. He replaced his addiction with music, because it feels the same to him. As it is, his whole attitude is you do you, I'll do me.

Three Thirty- He wants to get his work out to the public, but no one has yet to accept his work. He knows he needs more attention, and he wonders whether if he would get the success he wants by becoming more mainstream, like Ed Sheeran. He also wonders whether he can get success before he gives up.

Call My Dad- Something bad happened to him when he went to a party and hung out with a girl. He wants to be comforted and go home,which is why he wants to call his dad, as his dad represents home and safety to him.

I'm Not Famous- He's not famous and he embraces it. He embraces it because his problems are kinda embarrassing, and he doesn't really want to show everyone and lose all privacy in his life.

Netflix Trip- It goes through his life and some of his most influential moments in his life that this show had gotten him through. Also the show is the office, with Dwight, Michael, and Jim and head of sales. I also fit with times of when the seasons originally came out. It also talks about the show being over and he’s going through netflix looking for a new show to help him get through the times that are harder for him to get through himself.

Bud like You- Two really good friends being like why are people taking everything so seriously. And also like why is everything so expensive

Come Hang Out- He is always leaving himself out on gatherings with friends and people because he wants to keep working on his musical career. In the bridge he says “should i go for more clicks this year, or should i follow the click in my ear.” I think that's one of the more powerful lines in this song, because he's saying that he is comparing his popularity on the internet to the “click” or clique that keeps asking him to drop it for once and hang out.

Burn the House down- He used to be innocent and foolish wondering about how he looked and walked and now he isn't as innocent and now he wonders if he should keep his songs innocent even though he isn’t and everyone is now deceiving and stoof and he wonders if he should expose them with strangers on Twitter of bite his tongue. Lets just say he chooses to expose the crap outta them.

Role Models- He's saying that people are famous for all of the wrong reasons. I think this song really connects to their later song in neotheater, beats, because i think he is kind of worrying about losing all the best parts of himself and become what some of the more famous people are.

Normal- The background music sounds like a playground, which I think represents his childhood. He doesn't feel normal as people think it's weird he's spending time by himself. He wants to give up and stop trying since people think he's so weird. “My friends have all new friends” means that he doesn't want to be left behind, and he made something to make him popular, and that makes him sad.

Pretender- I honestly love the acoustic version. This song is, i think, sort of about the sang like if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you. He is basically saying that he has problems and insecurities but he hides them to be like everyone and he thinks hes right about the fact that he has to be exactly like everyone else. Also it makes an amazing mash up with next up forever.

Ajr Analysis: Neotheather (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmvfyCBJfPPRukUpv-xRE6EWuHZeAosLJ)

Next Up Forever- The perspective is very nervous, and people are encouraging him to get better and better. He is both hopeful for his success, and scared of it.

Birthday Party- This is the perspective of an innocent person. He describes all of the world's problems, like “ I bet my ignorance is always Bliss, except ignoring pigment in our skin, I bet my countries nice to immigrants”. He is throwing shade at our problems with racism and ignoring the other problems we have, like global warming and discrimination of the minority.

100 Bad Days- This is from the perspective of someone who is trying to ignore his problems, and brush it off for tomorrow as his way of coping. Like for example, when his girlfriend breaks up with him.

Don't Throw Out my Legos- The perspective is from a person graduating from perhaps high school, and is moving out. He doesn't want to leave his childhood behind him completely.

Break My Face- He's like Eff you, I'm fine, you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself, because you're kinda a jerk. If you only care about my looks, you have a lot more than me to fix.

Turning Out Pt.ii- He was a sad lonely person, and clung to the first person who would accept him. He realizes that that's what he did, and doesn't to want to burden her with himself anymore. He also realizes his decision might hurt her, and knows he needs to mature.

The Entertainment's here- He wants to distract himself from his reality so he doesn't have to think about his existence, like when he says “But I don't want to to think about my purpose on Earth” He is feeling numb as he has done the same thing over and over again. We think the school bell sound in the chorus is supposed to represent that as the school system is so rigid and uniform, but also rather boring.

Karma- A person is with a psychologist and is asking why he is so depressed as shown by his words of Doc or Doctor. The perspective feels like he has done everything he would to get better, but nothing is working, so it's a vicious cycle of being depressed, then getting depressed because he is depressed

Beats- The past line influences this a lot, but I think it's kind of like is he willing to throw away his dignity and creativity for the popular and expensive things that more popular writers and musicians say and make people think is popular. I think

Wow, I'm not Crazy- It's sort of touching on the fact of being the same in society but also being different. I think it sounds like he's convincing himself he's not crazy it's sort of just a social construct.

Dear Winter- I feel like this is a really nice and wholesome song compared to the rest of the songs. I feel like he is saying he is already proud and happy with Winter even though he hasn't even met their mother yet. I think it's a song where they is saying what he may not be able to say to them when they're older and won't listen to him. And he still has a lot to learn about being a good person and everything but he will still be proud and want to hang out with them. He wants to try really hard to be a good parent. #cool parent😋

Finale(Can't wait to see what you do next)- The perspective is like “ you have really high expectations, and I don't feel like I or anyone else can live up to them. So i'm going to do whatever I want because I don't feel like I have to deal with your expectations anymore. It's also like, I tried really dang hard, and there haven't been any results, as from the “You went hard, and you did fine."

No Album name yet

BANG!!- This songs begins with reminiscing about being a little kid who is allowed to fool around and be silly. He than has to "grow up" and is trying to pretend to adult, by doing adulty things like buying quinoa or other things ings like that."I'm way too young to lie here forever I'm way too old to try, so whatever Come hang, let's go out with a bang "those lines are talking about being at that weird age where you're definitely not feeling comfortable as an adult, or you're just really lost, you don't have to be at a certain age. He just goes fuck it, I'm learning to adult along the way, I'm sorta not succeeding, but that's ok.

#ajr #ajr music #ajr neotheater #ajr the click #the click #music #pop music #alternative rock #stories

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wolfinshipclothing · 5 years ago

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Its ironic that Spinel its “supposed to be a friend”, because... like... she was never the best of friends to begin with...

I mean, look at the flashback of her with Pink.Even though Spinel does tries her best to entertain Pink, its clear she comes off as a bit too much. Maybe annoying even. She would get in the middle of talks between the Diamonds and be, generally, very nosy and inappropriate. And when Pink tries to leave, its obvious that Spinel has her mind set in GOING WITH HER. Considering that Pink wanted to prove to the Diamonds that she could be responsable enough to handle a colony, having Spinel around would have not helped.

And when Spinel reforms after being poofed, what happens?

She gets attached to Steven. She gets in the middle of conversations, try to draw attention back to herself, and is generally speaking being a bit too much. Even when she sees Steven is sad and tries to cheer him up, she does in a so not productive way...

Mind you, this is not a call out or anything. Its important to understand that Spinel its not a person. She is a gem. She was made with a purpose and i dont think that purpose was to entertain or be a court jester.

Reboot!Pearl says it clearly:

“Your new best friend, Spinel”

Spinel was made to be someone’s best friend. Pink’s at first. Then Steven. And as such, she is supposed to spent all of her efforts and energy only into that special someone. This makes me believe that her falling apart from Pink was inevitable. BUT what Pink did was still wrong.

Friends fall apart. One wants something new with life and the other don’t. Pink just handled things in the worst way possible, by making Spinel believe she was coming back for her. In her defense, Pink probably didn’t believed Spinel would wait for so long.

But she did. 6000 years waiting.

This is also the reason why i am not sure about Spinel’s “friendship” with the Diamonds.

Make no mistake, i know this is a Movie, and they needed a villain they could dispose of easily. A problem that could be solve by the end. And plotwise it works too, because obviously Spinel is in a very delicate mental state, and she obviously would choose to go back to a situacion that has some familiarity to her.

But i think that, for Spinel to actually grow and develop a real friendship, she needs to let go of her pre-made programming. Only then she can actually develop a healthy relationship with someone. And going back with the Diamonds, that are still struggling with Pink’s departure and their own programming, and with whom she has some shared history... idk, i wonder how much can Spinel really connect to them.

I am not saying she should have stayed with Steven, because unfortunaly she was right. She has burned that bridge with him, at least for now.

Its uncertain what would happen to her. I just hope the Diamonds are nice to her, and for Spinel to open herself to other gems (some of the many that live in the palace), and create a friendship between equals, instead of a forced friendship with an authority figure.

#spinel #steven universe the movie #pink diamond #su #steven universe

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toxikbubblegum · 5 years ago

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May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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citrus-feline · 2 years ago

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vent below cut

it is so hard for me to not get involved with some of this shit and tell people what they dont want to hear because they refuse to understand shit

its not my place to do that, unfortunately. and this is why i am not the person who is close with them.

i dont care if im bitchy at this point. get the fuck out of here with your worthless drama. you are BOTH in the wrong and if it were my choice i wouldnt be friends with EITHER of you. i think you are both fundamentally flawed people that need to find somewhere else to have their egos stroked. i KNOW you are both in tough situations, and that sucks, but it doesn't excuse you being fucking awful to each other constantly and dragging everyone else into it.

i know burning bridges is hard but honestly that just sounds like the best option after like a year of this shit. that might make mutual friends more distant, i realize, and you know what? that's fine. i love my friends, the ones i choose, that is. i stick around them because i think they have good heads on their shoulders and won't overreact to everything then use everything under the sun as their justification.

bitch, i'm mentally ill too!!! i have health problems too!!! there's endless other people in the same situation that would react differently because of one core thing: they are not manipulative people at their core like you. its tempting to forgive manipulation if someone doesnt realize they are doing it, but i don't care any more. if you manipulate me, intentional or not, im going to fucking distance myself. i think that is more than fair.

sick of these people.

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writecome-blog · 5 years ago

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I Don’t Want You To Be A Flat Squirrel

…if there’s one thing that drives me up the wall it’s someone that can’t make a decision.

My daughter is a prime example of that.

‘Lauren, do you want to come out with us to the restaurant?’

‘I dunno.’

‘It’s a simple yes or no. Do you want to come out with us?’

‘I dunno.’

I don’t know if she secretly does it piss me off, but it works. Because to me, there’s nothing worse in life than someone who can’t decide what they want.

What if I make the wrong decision? What if I do that and then I don’t like it? What if that’s going to be better for me than this?

And then they end up like that flat squirrel in the middle of the road, going nowhere.

The word decision means to cut off from. To burn that other bridge. To make the thing you’re going to do your soul focus. To know that you can’t have everything because you’ve chosen one path.

While you might think that making a decision is limiting, it can actually be liberating. Because it cuts away all the things that don’t back up your decision.

You know you can’t watch brain numbing TV because you’ve got a book to write.

You know you don’t need a course on YouTube because you’re not ever going to need it.

And you know who you should follow and copy.

Backup plans are just as bad.

If you’re working toward something and you’ve got the comforting knowledge of a plan B, you’re never going to go all in and do what you can with plan A?

Because once you’ve got that get out clause, you’ll jump at it when things get tough.

So whatever you’re indecisive about today, pick an option and do it. You can’t be, do, or have everything in this lifetime.

But if you pick the best option for you, stick with it and make it work. You’ll get a lot more done than wondering if you should choose door A, B or C.

If you need some help with your decisions, click here

PS – I think the time spent writing this blog post was a better use of my time, than watching the Sunday morning funnies right now. – Although maybe you’d disagree

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nursexpeditions · 5 years ago

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i’m bracing for the worst and hoping for the best, trying to make sense of the madness in my head

I felt so much that I started to feel nothing. One of the hardest battles we fight is between what we know and what we feel. It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply. I withdraw from people and places from time to time. I need space from a world that is filled with millions of mouths that talk too much but never have anything good to say.

These thoughts, they’re sharp enough to tear through my bare skin, through my muscle, then slowly eat away at my bones, and before you know it, they’re cutting away at my heartstrings. My heart beats, so loud and so fast that you’d think I was running for the gold medal at an Olympics event. Anxiety so fierce not even a Xanax or a bottle of liquor would be able to calm the storm I’m fighting. All i see is the slow erosion of self, as insidious as cancer, and like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience, a room in hell with only my name on the door.

I hear “what's wrong” or “you’re overthinking.” A blank screen appears in my head and I think to myself who have I become? What has made me into this monster? I look in the mirror and only do I realize that it’s been me this whole time. How inconvenient when you’re the firestorm burning everything in your path.

“But he that dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.”

In these instances, I wanted to tell you how impossible it feels in these situations. It’s like trying to hold water in the palm of your hands, like trying to prevent an ice cube from melting in the summer, like attempting to run through the water. It’s not possible, yet here I try so hard.

Someone with anxiety is inclined to assume everyone is going to leave. So much so that sometimes they might be the ones to ruin a relationship. I ruined many things that could’ve been amazing just because I was sad.

The truth is, I battle something I can’t control and there is a sense of insecurity within myself when it comes to relationships. It’s hard sometimes. I create stupid fights of scenarios that I created in my head. I’m going to jump from point A to point B without even knowing all the details, and sometimes you’re not even going to understand how I got there. The best thing you can do for me is understanding how I went off on that tangent. Even if there’s no solution, the act of listening helps. I know in your eyes, it might seem irrational; but to me, it’s something that actually keeps me up at night, and I probably won’t sleep through the night because of it. It’s definitely not that I don’t trust you, but because I’m more scared than anything.

It’s every worst-case scenario automatically playing out in my head and trust me, I already hate myself for it. By now you’ve probably noticed how fast i answer you, and for example, it helps when you say i can’t talk right now and this is why i’ll text you later. Silence kills anyone with anxiety and creates a hostile environment for problems that aren’t even there. It ends in apologies that aren’t even needed and adds layers of stress to my life that I wish i could control.

I’ve realized my anxiety manifests in two ways, i’ll either be quiet and awkward, or you’ll be carrying me out as I choose my poison to ease my worries. Whether its a night out gone wrong, or an essay of a text saying or doing the wrong thing, I’m very observant and pick up on the slightest shift in behavior.

I would rather have meltdowns biting off more than I can chew because I have a hard time admitting I can’t handle something. I will always say yes and I will never turn anyone away which is my biggest weakness. I say help when you can but know when you can’t because I’m inclined to not ask for help since I’m used to dealing with things on my own.

..But that’s exactly where i’m flawed. The deepest pain i ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable. Just because I bury something doesn’t mean that it stops existing. I was willing to suffer as long as you had what you wanted in life to make you happy. Where do you draw the line in sacrificing too much of yourself to make a relationship work?

For a while, I kept telling myself I was dealing with it the way that i am currently and doing this for the success of our relationship and that was enough for me at the time, but if i’m being honest, the more I think about it and the more time i spend with you, the more i want to move on with my life with you and if you feel the same, i need to feel or see that you’re taking the steps to as well.

I get that the situation itself is complicated, but lets face it, that will never change. It’s like we’re waiting for it to miraculously uncomplicate itself one day, but in reality, it never will. I realize now i’ve been waiting for a day that will never come. Because at the end of each day, what are we REALLY waiting for? What will taking more time do for anyone? You and her will forever have history. You and her will always be close friends. You are a part of her life just as you are a part of mine and that’s something i’ve accepted just as she’s accepted that I am your significant other now (so you say). IThe most important question here is, what will waiting or taking up more time do for anyone? More time to be prepare ourselves? More time to be “ready” to face the inevitable? If anything, we are only prolonging the inevitable.

But hey, you did have a point, there is a certain justified amount of “time” we should take before going to the next step, but that justified length of time for that window, in my opinion, has certainly passed.

I continually feel like the bad guy whenever i tell you that i’m uncomfortable with your interactions with her. It first started just as hanging out with her, but then it got more complicated to having to switch off being butters caretaker, traveling from city to city, at times having to be okay with your stay over for your own health and well being, and honestly the hard truth is that i’m just expected to deal with it. I know you ask and try to do things that will help alleviate all my anxiety but when will enough be enough? now family interactions? i didn’t even think it could get worse, and i must sound like the most fucking horrible selfish devil human being on this fucking planet because who in their right mind is even uncomfortable in a situation like this? I mean that takes one special fucked up person???

If we put all the cards on the table, its clear that I don’t think anyone will ever truly be prepared or ready for this, but it’s a bridge that needs to be crossed for the health of this relationship and i hope that you agree with me. I need to know i’ll be set up for success moving forward in this relationship because it’s absolutely nearly impossible to be supportive of you, trying to be supportive of her, let alone someone that has always been a threat to me. Its just not a good feeling for me. If she’s not a threat to me, then please help me see that. I want to be able to communicate with the people that are closest to you without feeling like i’m in the shadows. I don’t know how i’m supposed to go on knowing there’s this microportion of you that i want to know that i know nothing about because we aren’t ready to face the music. I need some sort of assurance that there will be steps taken to facilitate this change i think is essential to our relationship.

My thoughts have driven me so far that I’ve had completely absurd thoughts where there’s an instance where I can’t go out with your chino friends with you because she’s there but then when she’s not its absolutely okay to come. I used to make excuses that would validate me not going because i dont know them, but i’ve met and hung and talked to all of them and i’d say we all get along. But what do you do when those “overthinking” thoughts actually turn into reality? I don’t think i’ve told you but I’ve been in situation that I presumed worst-case scenario in my head that has permanently scarred me and has worsened my anxiety episodes since. In a perfect world, I imagine a future with both my friends and your friends in one room regardless of their relationship to you or i and i think thats why it’s so important to me to move forward and finally get some peace of mind.

I know my feelings are valid and it has been reinforced many times. We have plenty conversation about its importance and therefore I know that my feelings matter and are important. I’m continually uncomfortable in this situation and something has to change. Im not proud of any of this because i know that it’s so fucking ugly to feel and be this way and it’s unattractive more than anything and i feel so fucking ashamed of myself having to even stoop this low. I feel an itching desire to tear off my own skin on my body to get myself out of the outfit i hate most on myself, on my own person. I itch to be better for you and constantly feel like i’m failing myself, failing you, failing us for not being able to get over my fucking self and tormenting thoughts.

As i dig deeper into my core, i find that it’s most terrifying for me because I’ve never met someone capable of calming my storm. Those overwhelming anxious grey heavy clouds weighing over my shoulders or those lonely strikes of anxiety and depression. But you hold my hand and I swear my breaths come easier; maybe you make me feel safe, or maybe your smile pushes the hurricane out into the ocean.

If there’s something I’m good at in this life, its love. If there’s something I will stand for and be proud of in this body of mine, it’s my ability to show you how much i adore and appreciate you. It took a while to build trust, but now that we’re in this place, my hope is that my capacity to love you will fill you in ways you didn’t know were empty or even missing something. My one hope is that you can see past my imperfections and fight to help waver through them with me. I endure because i love. I survive because I endure. I win because I love.

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