#i dont want to be good enough i want to actually finish the goal i set for myself

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

WHJAT???

[loooong rant abt arcane s2 finale on the tags sorry i have many toughs]

[babsaros]

have reached the bargaining point of my tolerance break, where my self-restraint is waning and i just want someone to give me permission to get high again already

[theriverbeyond]

really sad to see nanowrimo™ fumble the bag so hard on this -- if their end point was supposed to be "we are neutral on AI, agree to disagree" then they could have literally said nothing instead of grossly insulting their entire target base like... I can't imagine how anyone thought that statement would go over well? IIRC their statement LAST year was that using generative AI would render the challenge meaningless, which is a true fact regardless of your personal thoughts on AI. the entire concept of the challenge month is that putting your words onto a page is good, even and especially when they are bad. you aren't writing a finished book, you're writing an intentionally shitty draft. making bad art is good for you. but more than that, nanowrimo was always a challenge within yourself. you could always copy-paste the bee movie into your doc and say you won. you could always lie and say you wrote more words than you actually wrote, whether that was because you were really SO close to the goal that it's probably okay to add enough to get you over the top, or maybe you weren't writing at all but wanted to impress your friends. it's like, whatever, because it's not about creating a product it's about doing the process even when that means doing it poorly. even their arguments about accessibility dont make sense because you were always able to make a lower wordcount goal to work twoards if the 50k goal specifically was not attainable, so you could still participate in the social fun of a writing challenge. I did that last year and it was still great fun and I didn't end up with a horrible repetitive stress injury. I mean I guess my expectations for nanowrimo™ as an organization were already rock bottom after last year but it's just. sad to see :/

[romainlettusdinnerparty]

hi i just finished heartstopper and am having 5 million thoughts and am determined to get them all off of my chest 🫡

1. genuinely hilarious to me how all the promo for this season was about it being “raunchy” and “horny” while this is like some of the least horny sex ive ever seen on tv (not necessarily bad and also pretty expected,, just the juxtaposition of how the actors spoke about vs the reality of the show makes me giggle a little like why are these 20 something’s so adorably amused by this lmao)

2. im obsessed with tao. i think will gao might be the best actor on this show. this is a cringy little show and if youre gonna watch it you have to acknowledge that and embrace it and sometime you Will Cringe but!! will gao somehow is so authentic with tao’s cringyness its never actually cringe worthy?? i have absolutely no way to put this into words i simply Adore him. he kinda feels reminiscent of donald glover as troy barns in this way somehow idk if that makes sense

3. i am also obsessed with imogen. riah noorwood’s physicality is actually fucking brilliant to me. like this girl was raised in the theatre it is so obvious and i love her for it so so much. her face is so expressive and BODY just like is twice as expressive?? like wtf are you drinking girl?? im in love with her and her giant giant eyes.

4. where heartstopper kinda loses me sometimes is the language? and not just cuz they say weird little british things cuz their weird and british but more in the way of how they verbalize their experiences with queerness. like it is always very clear, very straight to the point, very labeled. i feel like this most often comes up with isac and asexuality, darcy and being non-binary, and elle talking about dysphoria. it just feels unrealistic in a way that takes me out of it. like we are taking a moment to pause, turn to the audience, define this experience in exact terms, and then come back to the actual emotion of it. and i dont really know how i feel about it tbh? like in someways it is important and necessary and a part of good representation is the audience being aware of what you are representing. but i often do feel like this need for very specific, completely defined, clearly stated representation takes away from the humanity of it? gonna bring this back to stranger things for a moment: take will and jonathan in the pizza freezer. this is essentially a coming out scene but it is beautifully subtle and true to the character’s and the way they would react and express themselves in this moment. i do not think the scene would have been made better if will had to explicitly state he was gay for jonathan to understand him. and maybe thats really the crux of this: i feel like the goal of using this specific terminology is all in favor of the Audience Understanding not the character who they are speaking to. i think a lot of queer people, even intermingling identities like sexuality and gender, will kinda be able to just pick up on things? without having to spell them out? and at least in my experience, most people find the spelling out to be the worst part - wishing someone would get it without having to volunteer the actual language. so when a character immediately starts using the agreed upon label, not coaxed out of them, not reluctantly, not as a Thing, just as a “this is how i view this and want to say it” feels kinda unauthentic - at least to my experience. and weirdly enough, in my experience, those labels are super helpful! i love a box! huge fan! but in casual conversation? not so much. in conclusion, i would much rather have elle talk about what her dysphoria being triggered felt like, have tao understand what that means for her and her identity of being trans and her relationship with that identity, rather than just knowing that tao and elle both know what gender dysphoria is.

5. back to imogen: they did a great job with her. that scene with nick and saying she might have never liked a boy? perfection. they did not have to say the word comphet for me to get it. ive been there. we Get it. the labels and ,,, i almost wanna say therapy speak? almost feel like its to hold the hand of the straight audience. those who might Not intrinsically Get It. and thats ok, just as a queer viewer it takes me out of it sometimes :/

6. nick’s friendships with lesbians are my favorite thing in the whole entire world!!! him and TARA??? omfg i love love LOVE tara!! and ofc him and imogen,,, theyre just so precious to me!!!! my absolute favorite arc in general for nick is him finding his community - his queer community. like we see he is so lacking in good friends in season one, (absolute favorite moment of that season, and has been since i first saw it, is after nick comes out to tara and darcy and them and him and charlie are all texting about getting tao and elle together and darcy says something along the lines of “we’re all such meddling gays i love it” and we get a focus shot on nick’s face and he just looks so fucking happy to be apart of it!! a part of the “meddling gays”. like just so readily and without exception accepted into this community in a way that is not just made of tragedy, its a bit goofy!! its a bit silly even!!) people who he has things in common with and actually likes and who like Him not just for being cool and on the rugby team with them, to now him having this absolutely lovely community of friends who love and care about him is so precious to me. and him having the best time at the school he visits because of the community he can see there!! like ill die. this is my favorite part of this show forever.

7. goddd i had so many thoughts about eating disorders while watching this and im in such a different place in my life than when i first read this plot line in the comics but im a little like… idk i was just thinking about how i think almost every single girl or afab person ik has experienced some type of eating disorder or disordered eating or like - i just know no women with a good relationship to food i dont think. and im sitting here going - was this not taken seriously, IS this not taken seriously, Because it has to do with body image? because its not specifically linked to control or symptoms of OCD (not saying that girls/ afab people dont have disordered eating because of those things too but i think you would be hard pressed to find someone where its not at least a little linked to body image and female beauty standards) and instead just viewed as the typical “girlhood” experience? like this is just what growing up as a woman looks like. not a critique of the show, i just wonder if charlie was a girl, and had anorexia because he wanted to be skinny, would this ever be an actual plot point? or would this just be a truth of the female experience? Unextraordinary.

8. still think its so funny how unsexy the sex was. like ill never get over the way nick called charlie hot at the end there it just like?? encouraging?? he was not turned on. idk it was on brand but goooofy to me!!!

the end.

[intertexts]

HELLOOOOOOO i hope u have fun w ur siblings :] but also holy shit i cant wait for u to finish 39 and get to 40 heheheheheheh. ANYWAY. welcome to wibby torment nexus hours here we go!!!!!!!!!

actually going to start with the whisperer/mal/trickster thing because holy shit dude ive had IN DEPTH thoughts about this. i cant even type it all out here bc thats for a wholeeee second ask but basically. fuckin. yeah. fundamental basics: in nhw world trickster killed clarence. not going to give you the reasoning for this yet. im on the fence about how particularly intentional wibbys death was BECAUSE of that but.... yeah thats for sure a fucking soup ingredient dude.

out of all the options you said... hmmmmmm okay. i like all of them for different reasons. i dont think he would specifically kill wibby JUST to spite mal, theres definitely more to it than that, but i think its a funny little bonus for him. mals hatred is proabably MOSTLY one sided. but trickster thinks its funny to make him look like an idiot sooo. haha i killed the kid who reminds me of the other guy i killed in front of you get fucked loser! I ALSOOOO. HMMMM. I DO REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF WILLIAM GETTING STRUNG ALONG but i dont think trickster is manipulative Like That. hes impatient, he doesnt like playing the long game he likes instant gratification. getting ashe was a HUGE exception to that. so while i do love a good "morally grey hero works with the villain to get something he wants" thing. i think its EXTREMELY in character for william to do that but maybe not so much trickster. i do think if we want a moment like this though...................... what if. ohhh evil cooking in my mind rn. what if trickster makes it. OH FUCK. OKAY. HERE WE GO. LITERALLY JUST POPPING INTO MY MIND AS I TYPE OKAY OKAY FUCK . PSYCHIC DAMAGE

what if. what if. this happens at the beginning of the battle. they find muse sitting in the clearing by himself. they all show up ready to fight, theyre surrounding him (they have scouts out looking for trickster, too, since taking down the puppetmaster is how they free the puppets. ill get to this in a second). um. well. his hair is down, not in any fancy braid or anything. and william cant sense the breaker state. (dakota can, but hes not fast enough). trickster is making it seem like ashe is free by suppressing the breaker state as much as he can wihtout actually turning it off. he has ashe turn toward his friends, talks to them like its actually him, saying htings like "guys please he let me go help me get these off of me" (referring to. the strings) . and . in a panicked state of. relief and desperation to get ashe back, because he cant sense the breaker state, he believes the ruse, wibby is the first person to rush forward. it would maybe be more in character for dakota to rush in, but he hesitates, because with the effects of his power he CAN tell that ashe is still in breaker state. he and/or virion reach out to grab william before he can get too close but hes too fast and hes already in his own breaker form so even if they could grab him their hands would just slip through. he gets close enough and far enough away from the other heroes that trickster has ashe snap fully back into muse mode and rips wibby in half. so his real goal there was just to trick (ha!) at least one of the heroes into getting close enough to do that (lmao funny prank, get gamzeed idiot) but the fact that it was william specifically who did it makes the whole thing EVEN FUNNIER. his trap fooled the logical one, the smart one, the one who is usually stopping the OTHERS from doing stupid things like this !! AND this also just so happens to be mallard ghoul conway's little pet project who looks suspiciously like the hero trickster killed when he took over his first city!!!!!!!!!!! the whole thing is just so delicious for him. which . oh god the wards are out of commission because of wibby death but its also maybe kind of a good thing that this happened because trickster is so busy laughing at his own successful prank that it makes it just a tiny bit easier to find where hes holed up.

is this anything. hi. holy shit wibby torment nexus. i feel like there was something else i wanted to say but i got so lost in the sauce of the Scenarios

AUUUUHGH THIS IS EVERYTHING. YEAH. YEAH HOLY SHIT. sorry i took so long 2 get to this but like. Augh. holy shit. ok. this hits so perfectly i love it a lot. yeah. this goes hard. what if. also. honestly. he just could straight up turn off muse's shaker stuff/breaker state for a minute....... maybe he lets ashe think he's free maybe he's still controlling him or maybe it's genuine & he's really free for half a minute..... then also they doesn't have any reason to suspect him & if dakota Does ashe's telekinesis just. trips him up or prevents him from getting 2 will in time (bc half of dakota's thing is just Being Really Fucking Fast right).... will goes into his breaker state for Extra Security (remember how i said he hates actually fighting w/ it & stuff? he just Doesn't Know that it doesn't work right in ashe's area of effect.) & as soon as he gets close the ruse drops & everything bubbles and shifts around him & it's too late. do u think the trickster still does it with ashe's hands? also i couldn't stop thinking abt the image of wibby's breaker state just. dropping as soon as muse rips him apart. the clean blue-white glow fizzles and disappears & everything's just. blood and meat spraying. that moment of horror. (& maybe also dakota & virion literally just. can't get close safely for a while, they don't Know wibby is still Alive Like that, they just saw him get ripped apart, it's only when they recover from the shock/get desperate enough to enter the muse dreamscape that they realize his lungs are like. still going & stuff....) anyway. did we ever talk about how we fix this? how does he fucking get put back together????

[eurydicees]

Tbh I desperately need to reread haikyuu but i think if I will do that I will start crying again especially w/ karasuno characters + nationals again (no one is going to die no one is going to be brought back ++ we don’t need memories ++ kageyama backstory ++ Brazil arc) and I think if that happens the adrenaline I will get from finishing the manga will make me sign up for a marathon and I don’t want to do that

anyway! Enough abt haikyuu! What are your favorite bllk characters/moments (if you want to answer ofc) hope you have a great day!!

as someone currently rereading haikyuu, can confirm that the adrenaline rush of it all is REAL. and also so is the crying. i got to the end of the kamomedai match and nearly started sobbing in public at work. its the everything. we dont need the memories. mediocre me do you have time to look down. no one is going to die, no one is going to be brought back to life. it was the most fun i've ever had. the idle fleeting thought that he was a star. this too is volleyball. our spring is over. i wanted to go further with this team. what will you be tomorrow. sobbing as i type fr fr fr.

anyways enough of the crying!!! re: blue lock, favorite characters oh god. ok this list has changed DRAMATICALLY since i first started reading. but favorites are def bachira (it's the loneliness and the monster and the growth and the kindness) and kunigami (bring him back i miss him he's literally so fucking tragic and for what).

honorable mention to rin, who i have recently begun to feel fucking deranged about. i 100% blame this on the most recent chapter. i also think niko is neat and deserves more screen time/development. that scene from the very beginning with him crying and isagi saying this feels good lives RENT FREE in my head.

the entire u20 match is crazy and is def my favorite arc in the manga so far. im so excited for an entire season of that game. its gonna be so insane. the "LUCK" panel actually made me scream out loud. i felt crazy reading that shit.

other favorite moment is bachira's awakening where he throws away the monster and goes for goal himself....gODDDDD. bachira <3333333 also contender for one of the best moments in the manga is in fact isagi "how does it feel to be the clown of my story". OH and also isagi and barou i will devour your darkness and turn it into light. ALSO ALSO kaiser's mental breakdown. 10/10 character arcs right there.

sorry this took a literal year and ten days exactly to answer btw. i appreciate the ask i swear!!!! hope ur doing well anon <333

[kvothbloodless]

As someone who’s followed you for a long time, and a fellow writer….do you genuinely support chatGPT? Even if it has been proven to scrape people’s writings without their consent? And the fact that its a soulless husk of what actual writing is?

So Ive done my best to avoid AI discourse, but I am bad at it. So to put it clearly.

I dont Support chatgpt specifically. Its a program made by a corporation because they can make a profit from it, and curtail its capabilities in line with their goals. I use it sometimes because its fun ans convenient, but I dont pay for it or anything. I think pretty much all legitimate concerns about AI are really just concerns about corporate ethics, at which point the AI specifically becomes irrelevant

I also dont really think the situation in general is one where "support" is the right word to use; its like asking if I support cameras.

I want to be clear im not trying to be vague though; i think in general AI is pretty cool, and that 99% of the arguments against it are factually incorrect, based on inconsistent or bad moral frameworks, or both. Im not going to get into all the reasons AIs are cool, since I dont feel up to doing a Big AI Post, but I do want to gesture vahuely in the direction of how much more accessible this makes artistic creation and experimentation, and all the insanely fun things people can use AI for. However, i do want to address the common arguments against it, especially since it feels like a lot of people are just misinformed and falling into the very easy tumblr trap.

1. Scraping fics without consent: if you post something on a public site for the public to read, and someone downloads it to read it, its not stealing. Tumblr is generally pretty firmly against strict copywrite laws, so its a bit weird that so many people are Very concerned about AIs "stealing" their work in a way thats even less direct than fanfiction. Like, "your writing is so in character" and "wow youre really good at imitating the authors writing style" are common compliments on fics.

To be clear, there are absolutely ways of interacting with free public content thats bad (like reposting). But AIs arent frankensteining stuff together, or copy pasting anything; they literally could not do that. The training/model files are so insanely tiny compared to the amount of training data that it would be impossible for them to be storing that sort of thing. An AI learning from your writing isnt really any different than a human reading your writing, going "oh I like that" subconsciously, and using that to inform their future writing.

Whats that quote about "to get better at writing, read more"? If you believe that statememt is accurate, then Im a bit confused how youd be upset about an AI "reading" your writing and learning from it?

All of the Actual ways this could be used badly (copying someones art style and then selling art cheaper, etc.) arent actually unique to AI (a person can also do that!), and also usually arent really a thing thats happening enough to be a problem (most people who want art from an artist enough to commission them, are going to want it to actually be done By that artist). Using AI to make an original work, or even to finish a fanfic someone else wrote, is no more theft than if you did it by yourself.

2. "Soulless Husk": im sorry im genuinely trying my best here to be gentle and respectful, but this talking point genuinely makes my blood boil a bit, so im not trying to get personal or insult anyone specifically. Claiming that art made by humans is automatically deeper, that art is all about Meaning and Struggle, comes off as extremely pretentious and just doesnt engage with the reality of art. Im having trouble articulating a good argument here, but like. Art doesnt have to be deep, it doesnt have to have a Message, and the necessity of struggling in order to learn about and create art is an unequivocable bad thing.

Many many people make art (visual, written, etc.) becuase they want to see or read something cool or because they think others will find it fun. Many many people who would like to create art do not do so because it requires talent/practice that they are not willing to put the time and effort into developing, and this is not a moral issue. As Ive said before, laziness is a virtue and self-indulgance is a goal we should aspire to. Using a tool to make the incredibly fun act of creating easier and more accessible is awesome.

Also, who gets to define what "actual art" is? Genuinely seems a bit arrogant and presumptuous to declare that something is or is not "actual art" based on your own preferences.

The posts that Really annoy me are the ones that are like "cant understand the people RPing or playing a TTRPG with AI becuz its soulless. I only ever RP with other people because the fun part is being social or collaberatively building story" or whatever. Cool. I rp and play tabletops because i like to have fun and I enjoy those activities. Im gonna be honest, i find it a bit offensive and kinda.. dumb, to act like its somehow morally superior to only enjoy oneself in a way that Builds Community or Has A Meaning. People do meaningless things because they enjoy doing them and so long as no one is being hurt, thats fine.

3. Replacing workers: This is the only argument that has Any weight, but its still a bad argument. Its absolutrly true that AI is gonna put people out of work. The fact that more people will be out of work and struggling is a bad thing. This is also what happens when literally any new technology is developed, dating all the way back to the industrial revolution (at the Very latest). Automation is almost always a massive net benefit to humanity (im aware this topic could be its own series of posts but You Know What I Mean, please dont start industrialization discourse here), and the fact that it puts people out of work isnt actually an argument against it. Lots of radio operators lost their job when telephones were invented, but that doesnt mean people should have never used the telephone and obstinately stuck with radios. When phone technology advanced, a lot of phone operators lost their jobs, but that doesnt mean people were Morally Wrong to use the new developments that made phones far more convenient.

As in all things, el problema es capitalismo; AI isnt preventing anyone from doing art, its just reducing how many people can get paid to do their art. The correct solution to automation putting people out of work is not to stop the wheel of tech development, but to change society so that one doesnt have to slave away in order to survive.

This also raises the adjacent point, which is that halting tech development like this is impossible. Once the cat is out of the bag, its not going back in. AI tech is going to develop and become more widespread and theres literally nothing you can do to stop that. If you want to be upset about that, its your perogative ig, but im gonna be excitedly waiting for the dam to break and we get an open source LLM that I can use without worrying about data privacy or corporate filters, so I can have fun and RP however much I want and finally be able to write the stuff I want to write but cant do on my own because I have adhd and chronic fatigue, and Id kinda prefer if people stopped trying to rain on my parade because they think im not having fun or creating art in the "right way".

EDIT: I did want to add one more thing! A US court ruled that you cant copywrite something created completely by an AI, and i think thats an awesome move and I hope it gets expanded a bit and spreads elsewhere. This isnt a position based on whether something produced in this way counts as "real art" or is morally bad or whatever, I just think that reducing corporate and IP grasp on anything is good, and that AI specifically is going to be most enjoyable when its free and open source.

[sleepybatfriend]

vent of varying levels of positiveness under cut

i desperately want to figure out what i'm doing with my life. a lot of my plans/goals im kinda reconsidering or are simply not enough to get anywhere with on their own. things i know/feel: - i dont like where i live physically - i would love to be in an area closer to friends but i also don't know if that will actually be a good thing in the long run - i think i would like to do more schooling, get my masters in library and information science. idk if i want to be a public library librarian or something else because i have options technically but yeah - i feel really lonely in a way that is definitely partly romantic yearning in nature which i think is a common feeling but one im struggling with nonetheless - while i have enough to survive, living is harder rn. part time hours don't quite let me save the way i want to, at least not with my current issues in managing money. - ive been more volatile in emotions lately. things set me off easier and it is harder and harder to not be emotional. - i do love my friends but it is really hard to socialize sometimes. between personal insecurity and aforementioned volatility alongside inconsistency and uncertainty in people's feelings, i just dont know where i stand with a lot of people unfortunately - everywhere i look, the world kinda sucks in a way that makes it a lot harder to push through. when the finish line of a "comfortable life" feels like it rests on unstable ground overlooking a hellscape, its hard to find the motivation to finish the race. overall i do have some hope that ill find stability and meaning and purpose, and i know that these things take work too, but i do hope that ill be able to one day be better and get to a point im happy with, or at least comfortable. but right now im tired and feel very isolated and ive had more close calls in terms of REALLY bad spirals than i care to admit. anyway chances are no one read this but if you do, like it so i know. it would be nice to know who was curious enough. thanks.

[freebooter4ever]

Hi I wonder

If/when you finish Geno’s sculpture will you be able to program it to move? Like animation?

I’m not familiar with 3d modeling

this is a very good question, actually! cause the easy answer is yes, absolutely. the more complicated answer is that the topology i've modeled is optimized for sculpture rather than animation, so to turn it into an animated character and get clean movement i would have to make some modifications around the sections that deform the most (shoulders, elbows, knees, etc). brief lunchtime course in topology under the cut :)

the topology or 'wireframe' of a character represents the polygons. and each polygon is defined by vertices which are the actual coordinates stored in the computer that tells it to render these objects!

on the left is the sculpt that im working on, and on the right is the 'smoothed' version where the computer calculates a curved spline between points instead of a flat polygon (with certain specific case like where i've told it to 'crease' edges which will keep the sharp polygon line).

My goal in this sculpt (like the skate and the helmet and the gear) was to keep polycount as low as possible to give myself the cleanest lines in a way similar to how i process drawings. This means i have large shapes with as few polygons as i can get away with, so there's certain areas that have very very few polygons entirely. The biggest example of this is the back and the shoulder/arm connection:

if i were topologizing this for animation the 'wireframe' lines would be concentrated where deformation happens. So when I raise the arm the shoulder would have enough geo to stay defined and smooth instead of stretching. right now if i bent his elbow it would cause this problem. luckily, im only planning to bend his elbow for a few poses in a final sculpt - so when i finish with the pose i will go back in and add whatever extra geo is necessary.

anyway the purpose of my sculpting with as little polygons as i can is to keep the silhouette as well as keeping it as clean as possible so that it'll look good in toon shaders. (you can see the 'active points' is under 4k' in the corner there)

the best example i have of this is the face which is absolutely not done so dont judge me but its finally at a point where it doesnt look too terrifying:

on the right is the quick sculpt i did just to get a feel for his face in 3D - this was done with clay sculpting and you can see even though i used the hard surface brush its made up of millions of little vertices so doesn't have that 'clean' look. the goal is to make the gray spaces between as flat as possible to make that toon 2D look in 3D. :)

my face topology is based off which lines i want to 'show' as my 'drawing' lines and wouldn't necessarily result in good animation. geno's lips are driving me crazy - i have so many photos and still they aren't good enough. there's that bow shape on his bottom lip that i'm trying to recreate in geo and its slow going. i take a break from whatever apps or shit im working on, tinker with his lip shape for a half hour, and then go back to working lol.

here's an example of a hard surface object which doesn't deform (because if a helmet squishes thats....thats probably a very bad sign for the player) and so can be as high res as i want it to be to get the level of detail i want:

why am i doing all this? i dunno im crazy. sometime in october a character artist from a big name studio told me my portfolio needed to reflect their 'style' more if i wanted to be hired there and my reaction was well fuck this im figuring out what my OWN style looks like in 3D. probably not the smartest career move. (ive spent 10 years in this industry and i have been a chameleon the entire time blending into everyone else's style. if im spending my own money on this i want it to be mine)

but, going back to the original question, my vision back in october was a beauty sculpt of geno in some action shot - on the ice with the puck or celly. and the sculpt would be crisp and clean and lit with sharp angular lights like how i draw (getting his cheekbone right is a must and makes me cry). and on a turntable. so thats the goal, no animation necessary, and its looking like i might get there in the next month. :)

the, uh, torso sculpt is cause i want to do an extra pose of him looking sexy in his locker stall with his armor gear and shit (pants ON though, you can see i have not sculpted past the waist :P). thats just for me lmao.

[stargirlsuicide]

how i plan of keeping myself pulled together all year ^_^

(these arent tips!! these aren just things i think will work for me to keep me on track and help me achieve the goals ive set for myself)

i just wanna start talking abt mindset before anything else cause i feel thats the most important thing for me. ive had a couple fights with my mom this year abt me changing schools cause i picked a rlly hard school and she was worried i wont put in the effort and just let my grades fall. so to keep myself doing all my school work and also not being completly miserable i decided to set some ''rules'' for myself:

☆ doing all my work as early as i can. i always found myself like wasting time and doing my work in the late evening and i would sometimes finish at like 10pm and had no time to watch a movie or do anything else productive

☆ writing. both in the sense of taking notes and my own personal writing. i feel like writing stuff down always helps me a lot. both at memorizing things or just to get my thoughts down. so i put 'a new journal' on my shopping list ^_^

☆ taking the bus to school everyday. this might seem kinda stupid but its actually something that i think wil help me a lot. i could go by car but since i have friends that go to the same school as me going with them would just be more fun than with my dad. the biggest downside of this is having to wake up at 5am to get ready but i feel like that might help with my schedule since nobody else in my house is up by that time and i have all the time to get ready.

°:. *₊ ° . ★ . ° ₊ * .:° °:. *₊ ° . ★ . ° ₊ * .:°

this part is all just abt looks, habits and social life and lumping them in all together just cause its really not a lot for each one.

☆ buying good makeup products that are also affordable. i do my makeup everyday its part of my routine and like a lot of products that r considered high quality and long lasting are very expensive and i just cant spend 40 euros on a foundation. so i have made myself a list of products that i need to restock on and that arent more expensive than like 20 euros.

makeup part of the shopping list:

☆ looking after my skin more. getting a good moisturizer, spf, never going to sleep with makeup still on and drinking enough water should be enough for me since my skin doesnt really break out

☆ being more mindful of what clothes i RLLY wanna wear. im very picky with my clothes usually but a lot of the clothes ive been getting recently arent exactly like 'perfect pieces' and they dont rlly go with a lot of my wardrobe. so just being more midful of what i buy and how much i spend on it

☆ checking what i eat. my method for this might be kinda weird ig but it works for me. i have a lot of go-to foods. i have a favourite thing that i get for everywhere like grocery store, vending machines, fast food, restaurants and it hit me recently that the stuff i eat is very calorie dense. and not that theres anything wrong with that but i dont wanna be eating very unhealthy without even noticing it. so i wrote the recommeded daily calorie intake for my height and weight and the ammount of calories in the foods i usually eat. i dont track my calories and most my actual meals are homecooked and i cant know the calories of them. im not like prohibitinv myself from having high calorie foods i just dont want to be eating them all the time carelessly.

☆ occasionally buying stuff just for fun. allowing myself to get new jewelry or purses or just like stupid stuff like pens and keychains just for like enrichment ig. its not rlly that deep but it just makes me happy for awhile

☆ saving money. this one is more of a like 'would be cool if i manged to do this' cause i am not good at saving money at all but i wanna save up enough for a student exchange program. so i need around 4000 euros saved up just for that and on top of it a couple hundred for my personal expenses

☆ spending more time with my friends. ideally i would go out at least once a week but idk if that would work given how busy i could get. i wanna show people i value them more and spend more time with them and buy them gifts and all ^_^

☆ being more open and sociable. ive had rlly hard times fitting-in in the past cause i didnt rlly talk to people in fear of bothering them. i realized that not talking to people just reads as being weird for others so i wanna talk to people more and try to be more nonchalant and less nervous in conversation. i also just wanna like be nice without letting people walk all over me.

and thats pretty much it i think!!

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Hi, I hope you are doing well 😊

Wanted to hear your opinion on AFO's goal.

Can it be achieving a "different ending"?

His quirk was probably seen as villainous so he associated himself with villain in childhood. When Yoichi brought the comics about the bright hero and dark villain, AFO stopped to read because he "knew how it would end". He knew that a villain will be defeated by a hero. That's the ending Yoichi wanted.

So his goal is to show Yoichi another ending. But because he, too, sees the world as black and white, his only idea was to make the opposite ending: when a villain defeats a hero.

So both Yoichi and AFO are still trying to make their comics a reality.

There is only one way to stop them, and this isn't All Might who is literally that hero from comics, the thing AFO hates the most.

The only way is to bring the ending they both would be satisfied with. The one where neither hero nor villain will reject each other.

A different ending.

So the brothers could finally enjoy comics together.

Hey, anon, i am very bussssyyyy these days but thanks, i hope you are fine too ^^.

Wow, thats very interesting theory. I think Afo as child was a lot like Bakugou, just a kid with greater power who get away with the things he did so he continued to take things far. Only difference they admired different type of idols, one of them admired Allmight, other one admired Demon King. Though, i think Afo is too dark character to get such a positive ending (all that human experiment and child abuse isnt a joke, too bad we didnt explore enough) but everyone are once innocent child so i think things dont start as bad as everyone thought. I agree. Though, Yoichi also wants to save Shigaraki because he relates to him as victim, despite the factt hat Shigaraki is villain so he doesnt necessarely see villains as people to be defeated but they need to understand the world Allmight made wasnt good as they thought so yeah, they need to get out of that story tale type of mindset. Ironically, Afo seems to be aware of it to some point but he doesnt seem to care about it that much so he might see redemption for villains as heroes winning? But what if his brother finally tells the story his brother never intented to finish, that he learn the ending of demon king and he realizes that ending isnt bad as he thought or he might realize that maybe maybe happy ending for the demon king isnt killing everyone but actually redemption?

It also might be good metaphor for ending of story too so well, we will see.

[maguneedsalife]

T'zekhwalker - Final Zenos Fight

i spent so much time here it needed its own post. i'd be lying if i said this one scene wasn't a main reason i pushed t'zekh through the main story (the other was i wanted him to get to 90/get the rdm artifact gear so he could wear his canon glam but you know)

so, some background for folks who are new here: t'zekh was the main wol for stormblood. he was the one zenos became obsessed with, and he has spent most of endwalker trying to get zenos to leave him alone. he knows zenos desperately wants t'zekh to kill him--to come at him with fire and rage and bloodlust--but t'zekh refuses to kill anyone no matter how much they deserve it.

i had been waiting so long for t'zekh to be able to do this dialog choice and the answer i had envisioned for him actually changed from the time i did this with aoife. originally i'd thought he'd go with option 2, but by the time i got here, 3 was more his style.

which ended up being a good thing, because zenos's response to that answer was fucking perfect for t'zekh

small aside--it drove me bonkers back when spoiler embargo first lifted and ppl (mostly on twitter) were INSISTING that answer 1 was the only possible canon answer and if you picked any of the others you were clearly playing the game wrong. even despite yoshi p confirming that there was no "correct" answer and the team had tried to write it so that players could respond to zenos the way they felt best reflected their own character's experience. people were STILL out there like "sorry but if you didnt pick option 1 you're just wrong"

so to see the text validate my choice and my hcs so perfectly has me feeling vindicated in this chilis. it is okay for people to have a different experience of the game than you!!! (i'll get off my soapbox now)

option 3 was perfect for t'zekh because he is finally fed up enough with zenos that he's finally willing to cast aside his moral opposition to killing in order to make sure zenos can't hurt anyone else in his name.

and zenos caught on to that and responded in kind.

anyway then i took a fucktillion pictures in the instance (most of which i'll put on my wol blog)

it was so hard to get them in the same frame lmao

and then i did the solo fight! not too bad on red mage, surprisingly enough - was very thankful to have vercure though lmao

this punch is still just as satisfying the second time

On my way to the last credits sequence i learned that you will actually fuck up the music timing if you skip or speed up the credits. it was playing revenge twofold when it was supposed to be playing flow together. that was very jarring. i don't know why they haven't set it to just start playing flow together for that sequence. dont skip the credits folks

and that's a wrap! i uhhh might have abandoned him before finishing out the quest so i could go farm memoria misera with aoife but im very happy to have (technically) beaten Endwalker with him before the year ended, which was one of my goals.

I think I started main story with him in January, so it's taken me about a year to get through... mostly what set me back was i had to make time/build emotional strength to make progress through parts I knew would be difficult emotionally. But I committed to not to skipping any cutscenes and just pressing on through a second read, and I'm glad to have embarked on this journey.

as soon as i finished endwalker the first time i knew it was going to be equally aoife and t'zekh's story. they both ended up having stakes in the plot in different ways, and getting to play through and see things from t'zekh's perspective was so much fun.

i still keep thinking abt the version of the ending in my head, wherein t'zekh is lying at the edge of the universe and all he can think is "i want to live, dammit!!"

and he hears a voice calling out to him.

"there you are!" aoife shouts, "I was looking all over for you!"

T'zekh has spent so much of the story kind of in aoife's shadow, grappling with what it means to be a "hero" in his own way. he spent a lot of stormblood resenting her absence.

but by the end of endwalker… i think they end up really close friends

---

Next, it'll be Banri's turn.... skipping as many cutscenes as possible so i can get him through before Dawntrail!

[aviangrian]

ahhh i just wanted to say i love starboy SOOO much!!!! i did not/still dont know anything about f1 but the way you write it is so easy to follow along with and read!!! i love how you write the characters, especially scar/grian/joel/lizzie, you write them so so sooo flawlessly... i love how it seems like were there with scar in the moment of everything going on and how you describe everything from his perspective. i also LOVE how you write scar and grian especially because they both seem just so *real* and *raw* and i usually never see that from fics. the way you write is just so in detail that it really allows the reader to imagine everything thats happening and i LOVEEE that!!! i also love how you write grian and mumbos friendship, like they obviously care about each other so muchhh and i love how the readers able to see that even through scars perspective!!!!! esp the scene after grian fell asleep watching topgun and mumbo helping him lay down into a more comfortable position,,, and how they hugged when grian finally got p1 😭😭❤️ NOT TO MENTION THE LATEST CHAPTERRRR AND SCAR AND GRIANS FIRST KISS????? THAT WHOLE CHAPTER WAS GOLDDDD i loved that chapter so much,,, so much happened between grian and scar???? that scene of them in the club??? scar (and us) finally getting some insight to what happened in grians past from grian himself??? grian being comfortable enough with scar to actually open up to him??? AND THEM CONFESSINGGG??? ☹️☹️☹️❤️❤️❤️ might be my fav chapter if im being honest

i also just wanted to ask a few questions while i was here though;

first, do you have a set upload schedule? or is it like a whenever you have time to work on it thing?

second, do you think youll be posting more content abt this au after starboy is finished? like a grians pov or something? ive become so interested in this au because i can tell so much work has been put into it and id love to see more it!!

lastly, is this going to be an eventual mumscarian fic??? i think its obvious Somethings going on/has happened between grian and mumbo but i just dont know What... like that one scene with them all at the dinner??? or the car scene with grian standing up through the sunroof???

i cant wait to read more chapters!!! but im also scared As Hell because SO much has happened already and its only been 6 chapters. we still have 5 more longgg chapters left and im so scared but also excited for how things are going to go... i hope youre having a good day, i cant wait to see what you have in store for this story!!! 🫶🫶 sawrry that this was a lot of rambling though,,, 😭😭❤️

anon i’m crying?? 😭 thank you so much.

the goal of the fic is real and raw! it’s an unusual setting (maybe not for me considering this is my second racing centric fic) but everything that happens is a product of the environment! the wins from his own team left scar feeling bitter at times, but watching grian win had him so proud he knew he’d get in trouble w his own team if he showed it lol. it’s all about where they are and it makes me sooo happy (like you would not believe) when people who aren’t f1/sports fan still enjoy the fic!

last ch was a lot and contained a lot of really vital stuff that i couldn’t wait to see the reactions of. grian finally opening up is so important to me and scar letting it happen in its own time is a huge part of why grian begins letting him in, which is evidently not something he’s used to at all. mans has been through it in this universe

as for the questions: i don’t have an upload schedule but i try to churn out the chs when i have time. it fits that valentine’s was right before midterms season for me so i got to get something out before i get swamped by all that 🥲 i don’t like to let a full month go by without posting but we’ll see how my semester keeps going lol

and i’ve been thinking of content once i’ve finished starboy. i’ve had ideas of grian’s pov hitting all the major plot points or even a jimmy spin-off one shot but nothing is planned for now. definitely floating around in my mind

mumscarian is not the endgame but the mystery behind grian and mumbo will be revealed! grian is mysterious and mumbo being mumbo goes along w it, but it does come full circle eventually!

i didn’t even realize there’s already only 5 chs left! that’s crazy, considering how much of the story i have left!

thank you again anon, this is all very much appreciated. i love your rambling because it allowed me to ramble too haha

[sukacheri]

🤡🛒🎶⛔️🎨👀 for the writers meme!!

thanks for the ask!!! lets go through these ^^

🤡 “What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?”

In the tsukasa bday fic i did last year there’s a part where izumi tears up (because he’s a good senpai) and tsukasa sees it and “Sena-senpai is crying..? Why is he- no, I don’t really care.”

🛒 “What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.”

I think my fics usually have an unintentional bittersweet feel. I never jump into something with the goal of it, but those are the sorts of scenarios I like exploring more? This is definitely a side effect of writing Hinata!! Too often I write something and I find it’s fluffy and happy and I’ll show my friends and they “hey here’s a dictionary. look up ‘happy’. this is NOT that.” 

🎶 “Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?”

I don’t, but I used to! A few years ago I was able to have streams on in the bg or listen to music and write completely fine. And then I could only listen to something if it was “background music” (video game osts, lofi, classical music- particularly waltzes???). And now, I can’t listen to anything

But shameless plug for r-906. I love all his music very much (listen to soide. listen to soide. listen to soide)

⛔️ “Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?”

I have a lot of ideas i never get around to writing, but as far as something ive actually started and then scrapped… i dont think i have anything? If i start something then i finish it, im really stubborn. 

Something i really want to do is an AI The Somnium Files au. It’s not quite scrapped but it has a bit to go until i have a finalized plot for it

🎨 “How do you feel about fan art of your stories?”

I LOVE it!!! Im always so gagged whenever it happens, like what do you mean a) anyone read this and b) loved it enough to make something???? It’s just shocking and it makes me so happy when i see it

👀 “Tell me about an up and coming wip please!”

I am WORKING on hinakasa secret relationship fic i really am. It’s cooking. Actually it’s still like, not being cooked. But i am cutting up so many ingredients. Aka i am doing an actual thoughtful plan of the remaining chapters before i start writing. It’s going well! Im coming up with good ideas and making sure everything ties together for a satisfying conclusion.

As for whats to come with it ? to give a small spoiler? The chess scene in chapter 2 is foreshadowing.

Also read christmas live!!!!!! Very important!!!!!!! <3 (and toyland to an extent, but christmas live is the biggie for this one)

[paperweight-jellyfish]

going to tryand do a weekly journal type thing for 2024. i forget a lot of stuff so this is my new years resolution ok here we go

1/7/24

been cleaning out my bedroom at my parents house over break. lots of old stuff there i’d forgotten about. found a bunch of old sketchbooks (which i sorted by year and put away) and it really put in perspective how long i’ve been drawing. i’ve got sketchbooks from before i had a tumblr in that pile (making them impossible to get an exact year on) kinda want to go back and redraw some realllly old stuff of mine. maybe something of eggs since i’ve been working on her story lately.

also in the Cleaning i have found a crochet project i completely forgot about. i made like 60% of a sweater two years ago (i hand dyed the wool and everything). luckily i still had the pattern downloaded so i just yesterday finished the arms. now all i gotta do is block it and add the ribbing and i’m done. its a nice wool, one that is actually cozy rather than being itchy so i’m excited.

done some mending also. fixed some rips in my dad’s pants with some sashiko. not my cleanest work but it holds it together and fixes the problem. he was really excited about it :)

got in the case for a keyboard i’m building. my first custom keyboard!! the switches are pre-lubed so i’m debating if i want to get some and re-do it or if i’m satisfied as is.

i’ve started recording cassettes!!! its super easy to do right from my laptop and i’ve been having lots of fun making the j cards. very happy that i bought that recorder its so cool. so far i’ve done some The Unicorns stuff and i plan on doing Burnout Beautiful next. probably the demos on the a side and the one live performance recording on youtube on the b side (maybe after that i should do mook?)

in that vein, i’ve also been editing lyrics on genius. i needed lyrics to put on the little insert i made but some lyrics are wrong and now i’ve made it a mission to transcribe. made it to 300 IQ this week. transcribing is fun if hard.

started a stardew valley co-op farm with gort. we played for like 5 hours straight yesterday and got almost all the way through spring. sal is making our farm so cute and its so nice to hang out and just work together. need to make this a regular thing. overall not a super eventful week but a nice one. very chill.

some goals for next weekish

block the sweater

try on all the clothes in my bedroom and decide what can stay and what can be donated

start the drawing my boyfriends commissioning me for

set up my capture card so i can stream ghost trick to gort

pick out an eggs drawing from my old sketchbooks to redraw

record burnout beautiful to cassette

start crossposting things from twitter. i refuse to abandon this blog even if my brain is awful at remembering to post

songofthe week

pics below cut because this is long enough as it is

>eggs (from one of said sketchbooks)

> sweater (pre-finishing off the arms)

> mending on my dads jeans (ft. the INCREDIBLE scissors he got me for christmas. holy shit these things feels so good to cut with)

> bespoke the unicorns cassette (it says volume 1 because i put multiple albums on there so i dont waste tape)

> stardew valley fun (i’m the one in the straw hat)

> the keyboardddddd (i'm typing on it right now and WOW i love this thing already)

[nordsea-horizons]

Hello! I love your island's vibe! Would you have any advice for a person who struggles to follow through with any project they start on their island?

Thanks and keep up the good work!

Hii! thank you so much!! thats a really good question actually, i hope i can answer in a helpful way🌥️ its very individual ofc how we all play but i personally spend a lot of time planning ahead! most of the time im very sure about what im working on before i even start tbh! collecting items first and having a clear area to work on makes me feel most creative🪴

something i used to do “wrong” for myself in the past was to have too many things going on at the same time, which made me not finish any of them, so now i try to make small goals and stick to them before moving on🍃

something else is to figure out how you like to play when working on projects. sometimes i dont want to have a project i cant finish in one sitting and other times i dont mind long-term goals, so yea for me its about my mood as well and how im currently looking to play the game!

But either way! dont be too hard on yourself if a project just doesnt work as you expected! it still happens to me as well, i just only post the stuff that i keep on my island ofc😅 sometimes you just have to move things around enough times before it works out as well! best of luck on your island, feel free to let me know if you meant something more specific!🍀