#i dont wanna risk getting long covid. or risk any of it at all

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the good news: Saturday Stream 4pm PST Is Back On

[blueempty]

Ya know I may not always have insightful stuff to say but I have posted on here every day so far

Today was pretty chill, played Barony, took a nap and then played FF14. We had a lot of unsuccessful Barony runs but we finally got out of the mines with me as an insectoid hunter, and my friend as a succubus monk I think. Its going pretty well but the real test will be if we can get past the Baron cuz idk man. Some jobs just dont do well in there and I'm nervous about my bows fire speed. The hunter's boomerang seems like garbage also

The ADHD has been at debilitating levels for quite some time now and I still dont feel up to looking for new work, but I'm gonna try to go to the store tomorrow cuz I know I'm being a pain in the ass to live with. Everything is just really tough man. Sometimes it's enough to be an alive cowboy. If consumption were ethical under capitalism I think I would be much less of a pain in the ass to live with. But I constantly have to be that asshole who's like we shouldn't eat there or buy that because it supports bad people, or like, we shouldn't go do this thing because its not worth risking covid. And I feel annoying being like that even though I dont think I'm wrong. Like in an infinite money situation theres a lot of safe and ethical things to do in the world but its tough being poor and ethical. Its almost like you have to be unethical in order to become wealthy, or something. Idk

But yeah, even though it feels silly to treat fast food boycotts as activism, it's the least any of us can do ya know? So I'll keep being that guy, since I dont feel like I'm geared for real activism at this time. I should probably look into that whole getting my brain checked thing

All that aside, I'm sure I sound negative again but like I'm chillin for the most part. I watched the first bit of a Mario Wonder speedrun and uh, I would like to adjust my run to the glitchless category should I pursue that cuz I sont wanna do that out of bounds shit lol. It's really cool though

No night sky so heres my new haworthia baby

Live Long and Prosper

[submalevolentgrace]

respectfully - and this is not necessarily in response to just you two but to notes i always get on posts like this despite the fact i also regular share actual news articles on everything - but respectfully:

you shouldn't be relying on social media weirdos to learn this. if you wanna know you can read the actual fucking news.

like most days i spend less than a whole minute just scanning headlines, of just a few sites, and that's how i build up a long term picture of what's going on and what to brace for

sure i can link you to a few recent articles about the major players, the overt aggression, or telling moves that reveal how the government thinks it'll affect the region

but search sucks and i dont bookmark everything, so no, i cant link you to 3+ years of headlines about the escalating trade war, the resulting policy moves that make it clear they expect it to tip over into oldschool ships and jets war, the four big countries in the region economically bribing every small pacific nation to take a side, the defense pacts that will draw us all in, the promise of preemptive strikes, the end of strategic ambiguity, the increases in mandatory military service, every defense minister from he big four plus the usa plainly telling us to prepare for war, each side trying to bait the other into being the fist to fire a shot, all the economists weighing in about how devestating the affects will be, how everything from the power grid to the basic food supply will be disrupted from the moment the trigger is pulled, the nervous tension any time multicultural issues get covered even in a peaceful social context....

all things i can't link to a singular source for, but have gleaned and understood from mostly just reading headlines, and sometimes skimming the major paragraphs because properly reading is hard on my brain

and i know the retort is always "i don't have enough spoon to care about everything" or "it's too depressing and i had to stop reading the news for my mental health" and yeah, sure, whatever. sometimes that's true, sometimes it's the atomised individualism in the guise of self care making people selfish to the needs of their community.

you can draw your own line on what you feel you need to do

but if you willfully choose to bury you head in the sand, you not only leave your arse vulnerable to getting a brutal kicking, but you also kinda forfiet the right to complain about getting stabbed in the knees and then shouting "why didn't anybody tell me there was someone with a knife running around??" while the rest of us are exhausted to the core from trying to scream warning to you through the sand

and yeah this goes for climate collapse and covid and complete economic and logistics disaster too, not just war!

now, if you're an american you can sleep easy knowing it'll be our countries fighting your proxy war for you, like always

but in the asia pacific, including australia (that will probably be mostly shielded from the worst affects unlike our neighbours but nonetheless be affected, much more so for the nonwhite population), we're gonna be forced out of our comfy soft way of life and have to struggle through, together; we need to be bracing to protect the poor and the disabled when the government shifts into a wartime budget, we need to already be talking about how the country your grandparents fled from doesn't make you the enemy, we need to be stockpiling food and water to share with the that can't afford to....

and we've got fuck all chance of pulling that off well when seemingly nobody even knows what's at risk

i am not really coping with how the culture of like, "i don't read the news because its depressing" has lead to widespread ignorance about the incredibly tangible threats that we kinda desperately need to be working together as a community to survive

not just covid, not just the floods and fires, but like

how many australians are actually aware that we're in the active preperations stage of a basically inevitable war breaking out, on our doorstep as they say

in our harbours

i hope like fuck it doesn't happen because damn youse are not at all emotionally or materially ready for that huh

[supercantaloupe]

okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

[apollodrome]

1- the logical thinking indicates that the most probably option is usually the correct option, for example, if a man has lung cancer the most likely option is that is lung cancer is related to his tabaquism, the same aplly on this case, if a person with morbid obesity has some kind of circulation problem then the most likely option is that is related to the weight of that person, now about your question, if you wanna know how morbid obesity relates to health problems then my answer is

2 - read a goddanm biology book (or just google it), the answer is right there, you dont need to ask a random person on the internet about that, and guess what, you cannot put links into asks so im unable to give you the link to any kind of article explaining that, if you wanna know the corelation then just search morbid obesity on wikipedia.

---

This ask is about this post where a woman's health issues are blamed by doctors on her weight, so she loses the weight, and when doctors see that her health issues have not gotten better, but have gotten worse, they order tests that they should have ordered months ago.

I think you misunderstand the point of the post. Let's take the obesity out of this. A woman goes to the doctor for severe cramps, sleepiness during the day, memory and balance problems. Doctors refuse to treat her. That's all there is to this issue - a woman has gone to a medical professional with a set of symptoms, and the medical professional did not test her for the conditions that have the above symptoms.

You give me an example in your ask of smokers having an increased risk of lung cancer, so let's apply this analogy here. A smoker goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, I have difficulty breathing, a painful cough that doesn't go away for months, I lost 50 pounds in less than a month, pain in my hands, fingers and chest." These are very common symptoms of lung cancer. So, what you're advocating for, is that the doctor should refuse to order any tests for the patient, tell them to stop smoking, and send them on their way. We know that some health risks are associated with obesity, in the same way that lung cancer is associated with smoking, so should we not be testing those people for those diseases more often?

People whose father has died of heart disease are at more risk of heart disease, so we test those people for heart disease when they mention they have symptoms. People whose family has ADHD are more at risk of having ADHD, so we test those people for ADHD when they mention they have symptoms. Why is obesity any different? If a disease has already developed, losing weight will do nothing except for decrease that initial risk, but it's past that already if they HAVE THE DISEASE. They have to be treated for the disease. Thin people can get heart attacks, and non smokers can get lung cancer or develop asthma, so why do those people go to the doctor with those symptoms and get tested, and obese people don't?

In some of your replies on that post, you have used this Wikipedia page as your source. On the same page, it says,

"While a majority of obese individuals at any given time are attempting to lose weight and often successful, research shows that maintaining that weight loss over the long term proves to be rare." (Wikipedia includes a reference for this, I've linked it here).

I am using the same research you are using to argue my point. If an obese individual walks into a doctor's office with symptoms of a heart condition, and is told to lose weight, they are basically sentenced to death. As we can see above, long term weight loss may lead to more health risks, and is actually very rare in most people (less than 1 in 100 obese people manage to lose the weight and stay at the new weight), and so if a doctor tells an obese person not to come back until she has lost all of the weight, she may actually die before she comes back to the doctor.

Obesity is an issue, and does increase the risks of some conditions. However, according to the same Wikipedia article you and I have both been using,

"obesity has individual, socioeconomic, and environmental causes, including diet, physical activity, automation, urbanization, genetic susceptibility, medications, mental disorders, economic policies, endocrine disorders, and exposure to endocrine-disrupting chemicals."

I don't want to assume you're enough of a heartless monster to say "obese people brought this on themselves and therefore deserve to suffer and die due to medical malpractice" as a response to my above point, but JUST IN CASE YOU WERE, that's a whole lot of people you're condemning. You're condemning children who grow up in poverty and whose parents can only afford McDonald's (cheaper than vegetables in the USA), you're condemning my uncle, who had a deadly thyroid issue that wasn't treated in time (he grew up in Soviet Russia) and messed up his metabolism so bad he currently exercises for 3 hours a day but is still extremely overweight. You're condemning people with pcos, people with hyperthyroidism, people with eating disorders and depression. All of those people, in your opinion, do not deserve medical treatment.

With what we now know, let's summarise.

Fact 1: people who are obese have a higher risk of developing certain disorders, in the same way that someone with a family history of heart problems may develop heart problems, however, no disease is directly CAUSED by obesity and obesity alone. If that were the case, thin people wouldn't get those diseases at all, but I know many thin people with narcolepsy, cancers, and heart issues.

Fact 2: obesity can be caused by many factors, not just eating a lot of junk food. I've already mentioned hyperthyroidism, eating disorders, pcos, and poverty as some of those factors, but there are more. A lot of those factors are not the fault of the obese individual. We also know that once someone is already obese, keeping off weight that they lose is extremely difficult and takes a long time.

Fact 3: when a smoker goes to the doctor with symptoms of lung cancer, they are told to stop smoking, but they are also SCREENED FOR LUNG CANCER and TREATED IF THERE IS LUNG CANCER PRESENT.

Fact 4: according to the woman in the original post, she went to the doctor with symptoms of narcolepsy and other issues, was told to lose weight, BUT WAS NOT TESTED FOR THE DISEASES SHE IS AT RISK FOR, OR TREATED.

Do you see my point now? Yes, obesity is linked to diseases, but that should mean that people who are obese are screened and treated MORE OFTEN, not less or god forbid not treated at all. Preventing obesity by exercising and eating well is something we should definitely do ON A GLOBAL SCALE (better mental health help for people with depression/eating disorders, cheaper vegetables for people in poverty, more education, less fast food places), to decrease our risk of the diseases that obesity is associated with increasing the risk for (type two diabetes, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, certain cancers), but if someone is already obese, weight loss is no longer a cure, and actual treatment needs to be administered. Weight loss was never a cure, it is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE, and not even a good one according to the evidence I've provided above. Healthy eating and exercise are good preventative measures, but they do not always contribute to weight loss. So why do doctors prescribe weight loss in the form of pills and calorie restriction, rather than eating HEALTHY and exercising? ALSO, if weight loss was a cure, non-obese cancer patients, non-obese people with narcolepsy, and non-obese people with eating disorders would also be told to lose weight rather than given treatment. So why is weight loss the ONLY treatment doctors give obese people? Obesity is much more complicated than a person just eating a lot of junk and getting fat, that's not how it works.

You know how we "eliminate the most probable option"? WE TEST THE PATIENT FOR IT, AND IF THE TEST COMES BACK NEGATIVE WE ELIMINATE THE OPTION. Why was the woman in the post not tested, and why do you advocate for this? Why do you think a group of people deserves medical attention less than others?

Here's another analogy. Wearing a mask and staying six feet away from others is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE for covid. When a person already has covid, they are not told to wear a mask and stay six feet away from others. They are put in a hospital and treated. What you are advocating for is akin to sending a person with covid symptoms away with a mask, and not treating them at all.

To summarise: correlation is not causation, all people deserve medical help (people who are turned away from doctors a LOT are women, people of colour, and fat people. Medical discrimination needs to be eradicated in all of those cases) and you are in no position to decide who deserves to be treated and who doesn't.

I'm not overweight myself. I just care about people receiving the medical treatment they need and deserve, regardless of what they look like or what other conditions they already may have. I recommend really looking at yourself and examining the biases you have against fat folks, and figuring out how to become better as a person. You seem to enjoy giving unsolicited medical advice, so here's some from me: stop being a dick.

[janeyseymour]

me shitting on my shithead ex

TWs: abuse, domestic violence, manipulation, panic attacks, probably others... so if this doesn't sound like something you wanna read, feel free to skip.

it’s literally just me bitching about my shithead ex. Mum is not “Mum” here. I’m a cold, bitter person in this. I let my rage out, and truly channel a bitch here. 

Alright listen up mama has a lot of ✨trauma✨

Sooooo…. My life is one big trauma and I love that for me lmao

My family life was shit for a while, and I was a whole shitshow in myself until… well I’m still a shitshow honestly, but uh, we can dive into that another time if you want lmao I have enough baggage to share with this story right here. My family situation is a whole other story lmaoooooooooo 

Well, senior year I meet this boy. And he was real sweet (this is shithead ex).

We dated for 2 1/2 years. 2 1/2 very long years. I wore rose tinted glasses for the first year and a half. Like I said, he was sweet.

Well, for the first 9 months that we dated, he didn’t have a job. He ended up getting a job at a local deli… only to lose said job 2 months later. For the next however long we dated, mans went through 5 other jobs… dick’s sporting goods, a waitress at a local restaurant, real estate agent, caretaker of dogs, and finally working with his father who said if he wasn’t his son he would have fired him too. 

Mans also “went to college” for a semester, failed, and told me that he didn’t know why he wasn’t getting his grades… man didn’t attend classes, didn’t pay for said classes and failed… that’s why.

I was able to overlook this for a while. 1 1/2 years actually.

Well, rose tinted glasses came off on my 19th birthday. My friends wanted to hang out, and he literally stopped me from going. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends because “I don’t like your friends” okay well I didn’t fucking ask… “You’re gonna fuck them” … no I’m not??? They’re like my brothers, and I was in love with him… not them??

All we did was fight from then on… things like “you’re not allowed to wear that… other boys will look at you…” “why would you wear that out? you look like a whore” “why do you insist on eating healthy can’t we just get a burger and be done” “you shouldn’t drink all of that coffee it's bad for you” “why cant you ever stay awake?” “you’re letting yourself go.” “are you fucking kidding me”

Manipulation was strong. I tried to leave so many times but couldn’t. It was the “I can’t live without you babe” and “No one would ever love someone as broken as you”

I was abused for the last year of that relationship because I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough and I would never be capable of being loved again. Because well, he loved me, right? If I left… I don’t really know. (LMAO I really am Jane in this way… and he truly was my HenRat)

And then it got physical. I was going to school full-time, working crazy amounts of hours at my job, and really only had time to see him late at night after work. We would settle in on his couch, and I would either do homework or we would watch television. He didn’t like when I did homework. Oftentimes when we would watch tv, I would fall asleep. I was EXHAUSTED. 18 credits worth of school and babysitting and working at a gym almost full time is a hard feat, let me tell you. He didn’t like that. He would shake me awake. Now, I don’t bruise. I just have a skin complexion where I dont bruise. I would fucking bruise… and he knew it. I would tell him it hurt me. He would do the usual “oh baby I’m so sorry it won’t happen again” only for it to happen again. This led to panic attacks... terrible anxiety. 

And then it was the “come on babe we never do anything anymore” to which I would reply with “can we please just not? I’m tired and I just want to relax”… and he wouldn’t take it for an answer. Rough nights for me… physically, mentally, emotionally.

It took me a year to get out of that relationship. Now, for being as young as I am… that’s a long time. Covid hit, we were all quarantined, and I stopped seeing him (even though I was working in public) because “my dad is high risk”. Best two weeks of my life, not having to see him. I didn’t FaceTime him, I barely even talked to him other than “morning” and “goodnight” texts. I drove to his house one day after work and literally said “we can’t keep doing this. We’re both miserable, and I can’t do this anymore. We have to break up.” And I drove away and never looked back. And I don’t regret it one bit. I do regret not getting out of that relationship sooner.

That being said, it has left me royally fucked. I see every red flag, every hint of any red flag, and I refuse to put myself in that situation again.

I’m genuinely content with the progress I’ve made on myself, and I refuse to let anyone ruin the progress I’ve made.

So, thank you shithead ex for more trauma to add onto my already extensive list of traumatic things that have happened to me. You truly deserve to get wrecked, and I am so much better off without you. I’m better than I ever thought I could be. truly, get fucked. 

Despite all of the absolute SHIT I’ve been put through in this very short time I’ve been alive, I still do my best to come out of it stronger, better, and with as much love in my heart as I can (although I guess it’s pretty ironic i say this considering this is just one big rant about how I fucking hate someone)

[diaryofanangryasianguy]

i wanna go attend a protest... but im worried about covid-19... i dont wanna help prolong the epidemic... but this stuff is really important to use my voice for. any advice?

If you really want to attend a protest, just gear up like crazy. Idk if you’ve ever gone out and done a food run for your household, but think of it like that multiplied by a hundred or thousand times.

Obviously wear a mask and goggles for your mouth, nose, and eyes. You also need gloves obviously. If possible, bring extras for all of this in the case some shit happens. If you have any recent cuts even if they’re scabbed, cover them up with bandaids or something. Remove any piercings and try to cover up the holes. Remember that you need to cover up ANY and ALL external openings into your body if possible. You need to cover your entire body tbh.

Wear long sleeved clothing that cover your limbs because in the case that something happens, you don’t wanna fall down and get open cuts and risk exposure. Also if possible, wear old generic throwaway clothing, shoes, backpack, or whatever. If this isn’t possible, immediately put everything into a washer and wash it when you get home. Put your shoes in a bag and leave it out. If this isn’t possible either, put everything into a bag and leave it in the garage or backyard for a few days.

When you come home, anything you touch—door handles, light switches, tables, counters, or any other surfaces that other people in your household might touch, clorox all that shit immediately. If you brought your phone, take your phone out of the case and clorox BOTH. Also clorox your keys, belt, or any other personal items you brought out with you. Also, wash the shit out of your hands with soap immediately and shower the heck out of your whole body immediately.

If you go out to a protest, you should never go alone so your friends or family members need to do all this too especially if y’all live in the same household. You basically need to be an extreme health freak to minimize exposure especially since you’ll be out with hundreds, if not thousands of people. Also, you need to check on the status of your city because in some areas, they got city-wide curfews and the National Guard is out. I’ve even seen tanks and shit.

I ain’t no coronavirus expert but I am a hypochondriac (a health freak) so this is just the normal shit I do when I go on a regular food run lmao. I wouldn’t tell you to do something that I myself wouldn’t do so if you need to go to the extreme for one day, it’s all worth it to be safe. Health is everything when you’re alive so take care of it.

If you don’t attend the protests, it is understandable (as I said, I am a paranoid health freak so I can’t be going to them either). They got guidelines in the trending tags on tumblr so I’m sure you’ll find a lot of info on how to help there too. Anyways, be a health freak if you go out and please be safe too lol

Angry Asian Guy

[crystalizednight]

Sorry to add another Covid 19 post to the already huge pile but I cant sleep, its 2 am, and I got things on the mind I wanna say, but everyone I talk to is asleep I think.

I see people all the time saying that this is dangerous. It is, yeah. Stay inside, dont go out, all that jazz. I dont see anyone saying how terrifying this is though. I'm speaking as a retail worker. One, who was forced by her scared mother, scared because she knew I was in danger of getting this virus, to lie to work and say I was sick, just so I could stay home. Because there would be no other way, no way would work let me go. I'm getting off track though.

I'm returning to work Wednesday, and I'm fucking scared, more scared then I've ever been. It's been keeping me up at night every day, it haunts my thoughts during the day, but I dont want to say anything because god, im sick of hearing about it myself, im sure everyone else is. But im fucking scared, because of how in danger I am, and how everyone of my coworkers is, my family, their family. If I get this virus, I'm screwed. I cant go to the hospital bc one, my hospital is in next city (for insurance reason), and two. Because its fucking filled, they cant take any more patients. If I get it, I put my sister and mother at high risk. Mom, who isnt exactly immune compromised but who sure as fuck isnt in good standing with it. My sister, who works with a child of not even 2 years.

What's being done about this? What's being done about essential employee safety? Nothing, to my knowledge. My employer doesnt give us gloves, no facemasks. People here dont adhere to the stay at home rule, not to the social distancing. Fuck, I've seen non essential stores fucking open like hobby lobby and game stop, fucking game stop.

I'm scared about possibilities. What if this virus becomes so big it wipes us out? I would never get to see my girlfriend in person, I would have to watch my family and friends die, the thought of myself dying from it as well.

I'm sorry to rant for so long, but I've a lot on my chest. I'm terrified to the point of crying at 2am, literally shaking as I prepare myself to go into danger again with no way to protect my health.

[berryunho]

PLS THE PPT UGIGIGI I wish I had x-Ray vision to see under the blacked out text 😩💔

BUT ITS STILL ICONIC BAHAHAHA and I can’t wait to see what comes with the supplies crew! 🫣

Throw back to when mc wondered how Mingi’s hair was still orange CFRCTGVBYJ but she didn’t say it looked patchy so either Mingi ended up listening to Yunho and ended up doing a good job or Yunho decided to take matters into his own hands and do it for Mingi himself 💀

ALSO OUCH I WAS THINKING OF MAKING BINDER INSERTS TOO BUT NOW IM SECOND GUESSING CAUSE I DONT WANNA RISK LOSING MY NAIL 😭😭 I hope that it didn’t bruise too much afterwards or that your nail doesn’t fall off 💔 and so sorry that you got Covid omg I hope that your symptoms aren’t too bad and I wish you a speedy recovery!

- Stay safe and get lots of rest! Love, 🍓 anon

hehehe the ppt was so fun to make when i first had the idea LKFDJSKFLJ i have always been a writer but literally JUST for my bestie like her personal ff author (except more so when we were like 13-15 [bestie and i have been kpop stans since 2014...] and little armys LMAOOO) (they are all Very Cringe & self indulgent but. they're part of me and i still have all of them saved in my google docs and.... there are actually like 2 or 3 good ones in there and im proud of little me for writing them FKLJSD:KFLJ) AND SO anyways getting her approval of the fic was very important to me and she even read the first like ... 10 chapters before i uploaded them anywhere and encouraged me to post on ao3 bc i was SO scared to share my writing publicly and DSFSKJFLKDJS yeah that's the reason i made the ppt

PLSSSSS be careful if you use any type of sharp instrument and always be aware of where your fingers are if you do use one bc ... yeah that didn't feel good LMAO it actually wasn't as bad as i thought it was thankfully so it's quite alright by now :] my nail is just shaped very strangely now LOL

but thank you sm dear 🍓 anon :'] covid has been ... very weird and not at all how i expected it to be tbh like ... everyday i wake up with completely different symptoms and i hardly have a cough at all and its just very ... interesting ... but um im a 'high-risk' covid case bc im 'severely' immunocompromised bc i have. many diseases. so honestly the fact that i avoided it for this long is kind of amazing! but thanks to said high-risk category i qualified for a paxlovid prescription so i should be able to avoid the hospital 😎😎 and ALSO thanks to my immunocompromised state. the CDC recommends that i isolate for TWENTY days (compared to the FIVE recommended for a 'healthy' person) as i will most likely be contagious and symptomatic until then so! im not working (or leaving my house) for the rest of the summer! and hopefully ill be able to get some creative juices flowing ... 😎

but hehe thank you again !! i am sleeping a lot and drinking a lot of water !!! stay safe yourself and beware of sharp cutting tools!!!

[sastrugie]

there’s no need to say sorry, I understand. it happens, I hope it gets better!! sorry for not being consistent :/ it’s just been hell lately. for the new year, I just would like to try to be more kind :))

yeah when it comes to distressing I tend to go for long long walks, read, or sculpt. that really takes my mind off things and just be in the moment :))) I never really got to travel much but maybe that might change in the future, just waiting for the shitshow to be over with but don’t know when that will be *sigh*

I’ll have to look into those films since I haven’t seen them! Thank you!! are there any traditions you do or have?? also totally off but do you got pets?

have a sweet day

-s.s❄️

dont apologize for not being consistent pls i mean im the same lmao. it got worse actually but its still ok i guess :D so dont worry too much pls <3 thats a good resolution! being kind is always wonderful

sculpting? whoa thats so cool, how do you do it? do you use clay? yeah same.. i really wanna go to the US for an internship but idk how to organise with all this covid stress and now germany is a high risk region and UGH

we dont really have traditions esxcept the german christmas tree and we celebrate on 24th not 25th ;) but we we´re not a religious family so ...

YES I HAVE 2 DOGS! i love them more than anything and in my other flat we have two guest cats hahah which i love too <3 do you have any pets?

peace n love bby ✨🌸🌷💮💜

[tylerwritez]

3:38 p.m. Wednesday June 30 2021

Song reccomendation:

Hey guys. We went to the mall again because it's too hot to go outside. I l1fted a bit but I did buy a blue and purple tie dyed tank top for summer and a Slayer shirt from the hot topic.

We had funsies, me and my friend were chatting and stuff. Not much to say.

I'm feeling sucky now cos we got lunch at the italianos store and I wanted to get Dulce De Leche because what's the point of going to the italianos if ur leaving with NO dulce de leche....?? Its so yummy. My mom said yes but my 11 YEAR OLD SISTER LIKE FLIPPED OVER THE CAN AND READ OFF THE GRAMS OF SUGAR AND CALORIES!!!!! liKE WHAT??? ITS NONE OF UR BUSINESS JESUS!!!!!! thanks for triggering my uh disordered eating...  cos after that I wanted to cry and I just put the can back and remembered how fat I am and I ALMSOT HAD A BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE LIKE IT WAS THE WORST FEELING...

Now I'm worried about my CaLoRieS and jesus it's the worst feeling... thanks sister who is eleven and REALLY MEAN?? she literally calls me short fat and ugly all the time... I think my mom and sister make me the most insecure. My mom is always ragging on what I eat how much I eat what time I eat it's the WORST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE???? like I'm trying. You think I don't ALREADY feel bad??? Like okay way to shame your HEALTHY BMI (bmi 22) child for... eating a sandwich for lunch? I can't even. Like YEAH IM A BIT CHUBBY BUT IT HURTS MY FEELINGS FOR Y'ALL TO POINT IT OUT COS IVE BEEN INSECURE MY WHOLE LIFE AND I JUST CAN'T EVEN. I CAN'T.

.... but we had fun at the mall. So yeah.

I think I ended up l1fting like, a choker, some masks (for covid), fake nails (for my sister), and some hair bands (since my hair is crazy in the morning and always gets in my eyes)

Also some mentos XD but I won't be eating those since I feel like shitttt thanks family ily ♡ /s no I don't

Also that stuff I was talking about being upset over the divorce? Last night? I'm better now so dw.

.... I'm ravenously hungry right nowwww  but. We are going to ignore that. Because hungry is good. Itz good to be hungry it means you're on the right track and if you stay hungry long enough you DO lose weight. You just gotta stay hungry. ALSO, ALSO IM TRYING TO AVOID BLOATING because if I bloat then I get insecure with no top on,,, and it's hot out, so what I wanna do is keep my tummy flat ALL DAY so I can wear like just my sports bra or smthn... i hate saying that I'm wearing a bra but like thAt's what it is if I called it anything else I'd confuse you.

If you're on this blog for the first time,,, I'm MALE, so like don't just assume I'm a girl.

I feel like I dont pass enough but also I dont really mind? Like people keep calling me a girl but I dont see it? I personally dont think I look feminine??

.... I guess when I'm naked... JAY.

and when I dont bind, and my voice, but that's about it.

Also uhm. I'm kinda a kleptomaniac. I'm gonna check the diagnostic criteria for that because... I sorta l1ft every time I go out. Even if I dont NEED anything. It's not a problem, since I'm not getting caught, but it's still a CRIME and I should try and slow it down a bit.

At least I'm not HAULING as much as I used to.... I would FILL my mfing backpack, bro. I would go nuts. So I gotta try n be more careful so I don't get caught. I take too many risks... sex!!!!, theivery!!!!, and light drugs.

But isnt that what being 15 is about? Idk. I'll post pics of what I l1fted to my l1fting blog after I remove the metadata/exit data (location data) so I don't get doxxed...

Also I dont know if I told yall this but I might get contact lenses :) I think glasses make me look ugly so i dont wanna wear em. Also i hate having em on my face all the time it's just plain annoying.

4:18 p.m. update: okay so we're going home.

My mom is being kinda annoying shes like mocking me... Whateverrrrrrrrr idc. Jay is at his friends house rn, Eden is busy and Erin proabably won't come if Eden doesn't come so I guess I'm resigned to biking alone tonight.... probabaly after I pack all my shit of course.

11:20 a.m. update:

I didn't end up going biking... we took the bottles to the bottle depot, I got 20 bucks, and so did my sister even though she didnt even come :P

I got home and just went online. I was scouring Encyclopedia Metallum for any good active local metal bands that I could potentially see live in a concert in my city! 

I ate okay today, kinda ate more than I intended to before I slept because I was so hungry :| willpower 0 (zero)

Anyways I ate to maintain today :/ which is okay I guess.

I'm a bit upset since my dad was crying about the divorce and like I tried to comfort him and said it's okay to cry and stuff but... MAN THATS PAINFUL.... and like... shouldnt it be the other way around? I hate this. I hate everyone feeling bad. And I hate having to be so grown up.

Oh well... I was always the hound of hell, not the lamb of god.

4:15 a.m. update

Everyone wants to hang out with me XD so I gotta ask about that

Roadtrip soon.

Idk, not much to say.

I'm uh, listening to MUSIC right now. I love music and I wanna play bass again. I also feel very insecure and want to cut my junk off so that's fun.

:P

Goodnight ig

[lyzande]

ebarg thoughts - my swan song

just some shitty thoughts that I need to vent

I honestly don’t know how to start this, or what even to write. Where should I begin? How should I spin this tale? What will the ending be?

I’ve been struggling with formulating coherent thoughts over the last few weeks and months, and honestly, I can’t be fucked to start pulling myself together. Putting aside my academic obligations, thinking itself - in a logical, calm, and sensible manner - has become a huge burden. Even with the academic strain, I have struggled to perform and study up to the standards that I should be performing at. 

This year has been ridiculously tough on all of us. At the beginning of 2020, no one could have ever predicted the shitty predicament that we would be in, from the very first month of the year.

I have to say, it’s fucking shitty that I’m in this state of mind once again. I’ve worked so hard to pull myself together back in 2018, and honestly, I managed pretty well in holding myself together all throughout the year of 2019.

I suppose I should reflect on my mental state from the beginning. Honestly, I’ve been struggling with this bullshit internally for nearly seven years, by my most gracious estimate. Although, I hesitate in claiming anything since I have not been diagnosed or even talked to any mental health professional. But, you know, at the risk of misdiagnosis, I have done research, bounced ideas off of different sound boards, ie. the people who I value in my life, and their opinions thereabout.

Having established my fragile state of mind, things could only get worse by the end of 2017. In my third year of college, I was elected to be an officer of our mother org, which I had no experience in at all. It’s not a surprise that there were a lot of struggles that faced me, a lazy procrastinator with whimsical ideas about life who was suddenly handed the responsibilities of a secretary. I did my best, or so I’d like to think, but it wasn’t enough to meet the standards which I should have worked at. I failed. I’m not going to sugarcoat shit. I failed horribly. I tried to learn as best I can from my failures, and I’d like to think that I may have improved from that. 

At the same time, by the end of the semester, I had failed one of my subjects due to my own irresponsibility. I really don’t want to get into it but I accepted everything that happened. It was one of the only times that I broke down in school. I remember, 2017 was the year that two of my dearest friends saved me. To this day, I still love them unconditionally because at my worst, they were there, and at my best, they were the reason.

Anyway, fast forward to mid-2018, the end of our third year in college. By that time, I had lost my love for our org and had started spending more time with another. Although I did not neglect my duties, I had only given the bare minimum. I struggled with a few but our efforts were not enough to salvage the dumpster fire that was our responsibility. Again, I learned and I promised to never make the same mistakes again.

Enter our fourth year of college. It was the year where we had to finish our thesis, finish our internship and pass our other academic requirements in order to graduate. On top of that, I was appointed as the managing editor of our college paper. I was elected into the minor position of PIO within out college subcouncil. I was elected to be the President of our University’s student volunteerism organization. I don’t know if I’ve stressed this enough but I was not a responsible student. I resented my course. I chose neither Accountancy nor Accounting Management, and out of spite, I neglected my academics.

I struggled with juggling my other responsibilities on top of trying to have a social life. So it was a month into our fourth year that I tried to kill myself. I have already been actively selfharming for a few months by then, and it all peaked when I has one shitty night, and I drank a betsin cocktail of my own making. But I was stupid and I didnt have nearly enough to even give me a stomach ache. I probably should have gone for an overdose or something.

But to my shame, I didn’t die. I dont think anyone even knew what I attempted. I was lucky. A few weeks later, we had a team building activity, which I attended with some of my closest friends. They saved my shitty self again that day. For the first fucking time, i saw what I’ve been blind to for such a long time. I had people that actually fucking cared about me. I could not lose them. I’ve pulled my shit together. A friend made me promise to stop selfharming, and honestly, I was pretty good at keeping that promise.

Fast forward to mid-2019, I guess. My family had already decided I was going to be enrolled into law school. I’ve been struggling with the idea, I was willing but I wasn’t quite sure. Nevertheless, I pursued it. It was an amazing first sem, honestly. I met a lot of great people. I made a new family. We all went through the same struggles and joys. It was a whole new unique experience. By this point, I was in a pretty good mental state. I was stable. I made a promise to myself that I’d actually be making an effort, academically-speaking.

Of course, it wasn’t easy. On top of the already harsh standards demanded by law school, there were external stressors. Everyone has struggles in law school. Everyone had their own problems. These were mine: family expectations, distorted self-worth and self-view, struggling social life, and I was missing my first family - my closest friends.

Fast forward again to 2020, and holy shit. What a fucking year. It isn’t even over yet. Taal volcano exploded. Tried to help around in the ways I can. Still studying diligently. Then covid happened. Quarantine and lockdown enforced. That was a whole other struggle. Everyone had to adjust to learning on their own and thru online means. Still, it wasn’t too bad. We missed each other’s company but we managed somehow.

Having been in a stable headspace for the past n months, I decided to get back into the dating and social scene. Being the haliparot that I am, I made landi like it was going out of fashion. It was fun. Met a few people, got watered, figuratively speakin, y’all know what I’m saying? But then fucking shitty people making shitty decisions. Engineers are ghosters, y’all can’t change my mind. Engineer, if you ever read this for some reason, fuck you. (but if you want, I’m still head over heels for you, you shitty fucking fuck)

ANYWAY. Around July or August, my mom got sick. She struggled with her health. Those few weeks that she was out of commission was tough. She’s the only person working in our household, so we all depended on her income. I wanted to drop out and work, because I needed to help my parents. But I kept studying because sayang naman daw if I wasted my time. Im a full time student, being supported by my family. They wanted me to focus on studying. So I did.

Then about a month or so ago, my dad got sick. He can’t get up without getting dizzy. At first it was just blood pressure issues, which became blood sugar issued but now, apparently, it’s some fucking brain issues. My cousins have been covering the medical expenses and honestly, we’re struggling so fucking hard to live right now. I really want to drop out of school and work, just so we can have stable income but with this shitty situation we’re in? holy shit

the past few weeks have been a struggle. academic burn out. social burn out. i’ve been contemplating selfharm again. i want to die. my body is giving up on me. everything is hurting. i cant talk to any of my friends because im scare. i know i can rely on them but im so fucking scared. im becoming naother huge disappointment. im falling into a pit of my own making. i dont know what to do. i cant focus on my studies. im performing subpar. i need to support my family. my social life is dead. my heart is broken. im doing my best but my best right now? it’s worth shit.

im trying to pull myself together but i dont know where im at right now

im trying to reach out but i know how much people are also struggling and i dont wanna take away their time and effort

trying to look for work but im abrely qualified

constant headaches and body aches

my heart is still crying for him

my soul is condemned to eternal suffering

our society is falling apart

our economy is fucked

history is repeating itself

politics is bonkers

people are dying

i dont know what the shit is oging on

i want to die

i want to live

i want to survive

i miss my friends

i miss my fmaily

im tired

im so fucking tired

i dont know what to do

i just want to die

[pokefanbri]

Covid has us all in a craze & worried for our future. But let me enlighten & ease some minds to whoever needs it or have lost their will or way. I speak better through writing & sometimes I need to read my own stuff to remind myself too 😅 And its how I express myself.

Firstly, To all the seniors out there, or just older than me in general & have been through alot already. I appreciate you for going through everything u have on this earth. Your experiences,knowledge, & strength etc, you're truly an inspiration. U are at greater risk with covid symptoms cause granted the systems tolerance isn't what it used to be, please be safe. But God will protect us regardless of any outcome.

✌Speaking to my gen..Life is too short, we take the time we have on this earth for granted, time is precious. Experience it to the fullest & don't lose sight of its importance. Find something that gives you purpose.

For me it would be my friends & family that have stuck by my side, pets that I don't wanna let down & I'm strong for them, my strength comes from God & the people in my life. As long as I know yall care about me, thats all I need for the push to keep going lol.

1 day i hope to have my own children & with an understanding partner who loves all of me & vise versa, that alone would give me the perfect purpose to do right by them & strive for even more.

After a while things from the past may seem silly or dumb but everything u go through & the people you've met, it all has a reason & it makes u learn & grow to who u are today.

Every1 is fighting a battle u know nothing about, so give the benefit of the doubt. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help either if u really need it.

God guides u to places u never thought of going or brings people together from opposite sides of the world, even with free will in play, he did so cuz he knew u could handle it & wants u to learn for the sake of your own growth. I was taught that he doesn't give u more than u can't handle.

The thought of me having grey hair, possibly alone without a family of my own in the decades to come, possibly even passing at a young age whether due to covid or other unforseen circumstances ugh...chills me to my very core.

But these trying times we need to wear a mask etc to protect yourselves & others & we can hopefully get through this.

If possible live every day as if its your last & always tell ur friends & family u care about, that u love them cause 1 day u may not get that chance.

Those negative thoughts I mentioned, I shouldn't think like that. Self doubt, fear, worry got me into alot of messes 😅 probably why I hate being alone..in the back of my mind I'm still the scared neglected little girl that just wants to be loved.

But I'm still stronger for those experiences & I wouldn't be who I am today if none of it happened.

Nobody's perfect, we all have our shortcomings & we're only human, God made us this way.

If you're not a person of some kind of faith i respect u too, im not one to push religion onto others & view all people as equals. u may not know where ull end up but it dont hurt to be good the best of ur ability lol, the things im saying in this post applies to everyone it reaches regardless what anyone's belief system is, being a great person to yourself & others is common sense really & what we should be doing rather than spread hate, its not worth it...humans are survivors thats what we're known for & we should be working together.

If you're a person of my same faith or any branch of Christianity, then you'd know that we were taught to learn to be perfect like Jesus. By that I mean do unto others as you'd do unto yourself, love thy neighbor as thy self. Be humble, Just live the best u can up til ur last breath. It'll all reflect on what kind of person u were using the love for him & the love he has for u..the day u meet him, so be good to your fellow man/woman. Because kindness, understanding, generosity, love, respect, are some of the best gifts & qualities he gave us, use it well ❤