#i dont think that means anything though. i haven't read the play idk

[camzverse]

that's a line from julius ceasar by shakespeare btw

[woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh]

(ALMOST) EVERYTHING I NOTICED FROM BAC BMC

NOTE: spot check me!

It was the Two Rivers script, but I still haven't read the whole Two Rivers script so if I mention something I noticed that’s actually just… in the script… lmk!

Also: if you also saw the BAC production (or if you are the BAC people???) and I missed something, let me know!!! Literally anything at all I will put it here I’d love to approach comprehensiveness!!

ALSO: Spoilers! If you plan on going to Jake’s Halloween Party maybe wait? Or don’t!!

CHARACTERS

Madeline

Putting Madeline here because the first thing I noticed in the whole show is she’s ACTUALLY A FRANCOPHILE and it’s so funny ldksjfjsfksdlf. She wears a beret, and people put on a stereotypical French accent whenever they quote her djslkfjsfkfds And during the play backstage someone (I think Chloe?) runs up to her, smacks her beret off and yells “You’re not French!”

Jeremy

OH oh oh oh oh. Bac Jeremy my beloved…. I swear like 30% of Christine’s autism was generously donated to Jeremy for this production jlkdsfjdls

He has this habit where he’ll put his hands in his cardigan pockets and push his them around in front of him or on his body to feel the tension of the jacket stretching. Patrick said this quirk was based on a neurodivergent kid he knows. I don’t have photo evidence and IDK how to describe it perfectly but i did draw it here (x). It wasn't exactly like that though OTL

He does it whenever he’s nervous (so almost CONSTANTLY) up until BMC P.1 when the SQUIP tells him to take his hands out of his pockets. During that song you can see him trying to put his hands back safe in his pockets but afterwards he never does it again, even after The Play. He also doesn’t do it when he’s with Michael, even at the beginning, so I take it to mean it goes away when he’s comfortable. 

I think he flinches and cowers a lot (compared to other Jeremys, that is). Whenever Rich surprises him, Jeremy jumps and protectively throws his arms over his face. I think he reacts similarly to other people a few times - I don’t remember when exactly though… There’s also several times where he’ll stand totally petrified out of fear, like when Rich is writing “boyf” or when Chloe’s coming onto him. By all of this I basically mean it’s really obvious he’s been physically abused (presumably by Rich).

Just in general, his freakouts are very physical, he’ll kinda do these stiff arm movements or cover his face in his elbow etc. Off the top of my head this happens during Upgrade and also at the end of The Play when Christine’s singing to him.

All this to say he has a very very visible physicality to his awkwardness and I love it. I don’t just mean that on a character acting level, I also mean like if you’re sitting behind him in class your attention will actively be caught by his awkwardness. 

He also has a deeper register which he uses mostly in a joke context? He used it in normal conversation a few times too, I think more towards the end.

I noticed him standing just a little pigeon-toed near the beginning. I don’t know if this carried through the whole thing though.

Clothes: his cardigan is blackish with a blue outline, and he wears it over a green shirt with a question mark (I perceived it as a Gravity Falls shirt but might be wrong). The eminem shirt is black and I dont remember what he wears it with…. At the party he has a cyborg shirt and a visor, and after the party he has a white shirt with a flannel and khakis (or maybe light corduroys). In VIMH he has another fandom shirt on but I don’t remember what it was sorry it was 11pm ljfsdlkfjdslkfs

Its so obvious I’m a Jeremy stan this entry is the largest one sorry 🧍

Mr. Heere

He seemed less depressed and more just out of touch in this one? During Two Player Game, he seems decently chipper, if annoyed, though of course he’s still unable to dress himself and unwilling to put genuine effort in with his son. 

When he says “Good talk” he gives Jeremy a friendly shoulder punch. Right before Pants Song, as usual, he says “I could ground you!” Jeremy says “I don’t think you could,” and gives his dad the same shoulder punch while saying “Good talk.” AAAAAAH.

Michael

He seemed less frenetic and anxious than the Troy!Michael I’m used to (sorry that’s my only reference for Michael lol). 

He was generally loud and exuberant. A very excitable but down-to-earth Michael. 

MITB was amazing. I was nervous because it’s obviously (obviously) the best song so there’s a lot of pressure but no it was done perfectly. Sad as fuck. Perhaps moreso because this Michael was especially normal until now. (Also because pre-MITB Jeremy was extra mean in this production)

For some reason, I found it easier to picture this Michael being a childhood & school friend? Maybe just because this production seriously pulled my psyche straight back to highschool in a way the others haven’t been able to lol. 

I maybe got the sense that he’s really trying to act like he doesn’t care as much about Jeremy as he does. 

BTW I’m obsessed with the fact that his idea of a creeper costume is a mask and a shirt that just says creeps on it. I know that’s kinda textual at this point but taken together with the mask its lkesdjfsdjflksdf

Christine

Amazing ballet (?) choreography going on during her intro. I think that might be standard Christine choreo but still! Stunning.

I could actually picture her as an averagely popular girl in this one? Not sure why. Maybe more nervous in her relationships but more confident in other contexts, but I could be pulling that out of my ass. 

I could also be thinking this because she has cool hair (space buns!) and likes Taylor Swift in this one. 

Some of her songs had these really melancholy notes where I didn’t expect them - particularly in GTIKBI Reprise (/pos! I was like oh shit!!! every time)

Rich

He has painted nails! They’re black. 

He had fruity energy the whole time but it got progressively more intense. No I can’t elaborate actually I don’t know why I perceived it like this but I did sldjkfsf

After he comes out it gets more explicit; he starts wearing a pink headband in VIMH (he also gains glasses I think? Unless they’re still Michael’s) and during bows he flashed a paper fan that had the gay flag inside. 

IMO, it was implied that the house fire was a suicide attempt. I say this for purely textual reasons -  because he doesn’t mention trying getting the SQUIP out of his head, and because Jeremy’s SQUIP later implies it was a suicide attempt. But his behavior around the fire - looking dazed while rhythmically flicking a lighter - could also indicate squipzophrenia. (Maybe it’s the same amount of implied as usual - To be fair, I’ve never really understood why Rich set a fire in the first place…)

Brooke

Very wholesome and I love her. IDK Broadway Brooke is very campy, and BAC Brooke is more like a normal sweet girl but maybe that’s just me 

Compared to Broadway, way more respectful of Jeremy’s space. She doesn’t really try to physically seduce him in upgrade instead they just have a cute lil conversation. Also when she tells Jeremy she got cheated on, she doesn’t initiate contact by petting his hair (like in Broadway) - instead the roles are reversed and they hold hands comfortingly, and Jeremy is the one to escalate that by rubbing her hand in a slightly forward way. 

Her French was awful!!! sdjkfldjsfkdsf It was the whole time but Tres Magnifique = "Trays Mag-nuh-Fike" is the one that really killed me

Chloe

Not to be backhanded… but she was really good at being a bitch??? Especially the scene where she’s giving Christine advice

Maybe closetedly wlw based on the delivery of “I like gay people” and the events of The Play??

The Chloe Jenna friendship intrigues me so much… what’s going on there…

Jenna 

Sadder than Broadway Jenna… 

When Chloe mentions her in play rehearsal she jumps up from across the room and says “I’m here!!” to no reaction.

Later in Smartphone Hour -  J: “....because you are my closest friend-” C: “No I’m not” J: “Yeah I know….” Jenna sounds kinda genuinely bummed lol. Either she wasn’t expecting that or she’s *very* aware of it and it’s making her sad. My impression was more the latter.

During VIMH she’s wearing a sweater that’s colored like the lesbian flag??? (EDIT: the actor, Diana, said this was intentional and her Jenna is a lesbian!)

Idk idk actor so good she made me care so much more about Jenna dsfljdf

Jake

Maybe a touch more upfront about the fact that he feels a lot of pressure in his life

He was dumb <3

Mrs. Reyes

She’s a woman in this one!

She has a hippie thing going on i think?? Like a boho mom (affectionate)

Pronounces Reyes with a (several second long) rolled R at the beginning

Doesn’t do the stiff announcer-like angle that the broadway guy does. Her comedy is more crazy cat ladyish

The hot pocket breaks were preceded by an actual alarm sound I think???? bonkers fkljd

Ensemble

BIG ENSEMBLE WAS SO FUN…. They had so many funny bits going on in the background it was soooo good and another reason I wish I could watch it over and over because I couldn’t be paying attention to everything at once OTL

Scene by scene

Organized by song, but scene notes are in there too!

More Than Survive

"Madeline was all like-" *bad french accent* "ohohoho, I'll only sleep with you if you beat me at ze pool~"

“Oh my god he is like totally getting off on that” ← right before this Jeremy starts pointing at them awkwardly from a distance, I think in an attempt to get to his locker?? 

“I like gay people” - the way Chloe says this is kinda like “idk what the big deal is because *i* think gay people are soooo neat” which got a lot of audience laugh. I think she was talking to Jenna but I don’t remember 

“I don’t wanna be a baller” (or whenever the class scene is) - Jeremy’s sitting in the back of class and everyone turns to throw paper balls at him. I was like oh my god he’s being genuinely bullied so hard in this one…. Then again maybe that’s just how he feels?

There’s this awesome chair choreo at the end where everyone’s laying down chairs in front of Jeremy for him to walk on and taking them away from the back to put back in the front as he makes his way downstage.

Scene: Michael's "You don't have to do this!" kind of came across as a shout of protest. (But of course still tempered with, "of course i'll make fun of you forever if you don't)

Play Rehearsal

"This is where you meet for the swim team" --- Instead of looking confused, Jeremy immediately acts like ok byeee - he might be eager to back out of the conversation and/or immediately accepts her answer as literal and wants to leave asap out of embarrassment.

“I also have a touch of ADD” - she trails off and stands there kind of in a daze for a moment, before remembering that she’s in the middle of a song. 

“And can I mention that was really one of my best roles, DID YOU SEE THAT?!" She shouts this very proudly. And after her 'do you find that?' bit she doesn’t give Jeremy time to even try to respond, so it’s a little less rude lol. 

Jeremy was very anxious, and somewhat in a bad way? As in the exchange was a bit off-putting to him.

Scene: “thank god the popular kids are here” - there are SO MANY kids entering. I’m not sure what to make of it! Popular as in everyone’s popular compared to Jeremy and Christine? Or is this a whole clique? Or is Reyes just talking about the popular kids and the other guys also just show up? 

Mrs. Reyes: ~"Our funds will be diverted. To the frisbee golf team. What even is frisbee golf?" Across the room, Jake holds up a frisbee and silently points at it, trying to get Reyes' attention. She doesn't notice.

After scene: Jake’s “pressure to be the best at everything” is said very genuinely, not for laughs at his arrogance which is how I usually read it

Squip Song

Rich actor KILLED it just gotta put that out there

“So it’s like….” Jeremy takes an extended moment to walk to the edge of the stall and look behind to make sure nobody’s there - “...drugs?”

In the end of the song, Rich rubs his dirty hands all over Jeremy's arm.

The Squip Enters

Scene: Payless: “Wolverine” was great djklsfjdsf I’ve never thought about him before. (It was also the actor’s birthday!) When they enter he’s playing the knife-finger game. He threatens Jeremy with the knife at some point (either “400 dollars” or “all sales are final!” I think?). I can’t really describe the character acting but he was very entertainingly unhinged. He's called “Scary Stockboy” in the script & playbill and I thought that was a misnomer until the scene happened lmao. No that was accurate. 

Scene: when they enter the food court there’s like a photo of a mall food court on the back wall but not from the perspective of the scene at all it was like a background that abstractly tells you where you are?? As someone who loves kitsch I enjoyed this, it happens with a few other scenes too 

There’s a couple making out obnoxiously at the mall that someone (I think it was Michael?) had to step over to get to the table. I think they had some great thematically relevant background acting in this scene but I cannot remember it exactly I am so sorry OTL

Michael is buying Ecto-Cooler! It tastes like ghosts.

Jeremy “mourns in his chili fries” by laying his head down on the table. Jake and Christine sit at the table together without noticing him. Then Jeremy pops up and they have the usual exchange (“I didn’t see you!” “Yeah, you’re kind of hard to notice”). I thought that was a really neat staging!! And it makes more sense why he even tries to talk to her in this scene lol

Mild discomfort - The first half Jeremy just stands next to the table and kinda screams in pain. Then the second half he falls to the ground and is thrashing, again mostly just in pain. (Pretty sure that’s how every production goes but I think the intensity of the spasming is pretty variable so I’m describing it here)

When the SQUIP first appears, he offers to appear as Kermit the Frog, Barack Obama, and Gilbert Gottfried, and does a little impression for each one:

The imitations the Squip does are as follows: Kermit the Frog “hi ho Kermit the frog here, we’re gonna fix your life Yayyyyy”, Obama “My fellow Squip, if sync up we can change this loser” and Gilbert Gottfried “So Grandma and the dog are on the table…” - Courtesy of director Chris Guell because I couldn't remember them OTL (thank you!!!)

Also in the middle of this Jeremy says "That's a terrible Obama impression..."

Be more Chill p.1

Brooke and Chloe are shopping on the upstage side of the clothes rack; when Jeremy picks out the girls shirt, Brooke appears through the gap in the clothes and surprises him.

After the song, one of the ensemble steals the clothes rack and the mall cop chases him off stage in a very cartoonishly stiff sprint.

Do you wanna ride?

After the first rejection, Brooke goes to Chloe, who points out the satchel she has belted around her waist. As she starts to sing again she slowly unbuckles it and holds it behind her back. 

Jeremy is very into it by the end and the girls have him dancing along with the music. I think you can see that in one of the promo videos too :P

Be More Chill p.2

Scene: When Jeremy’s going to bed after the mall, instead of sleepily singing, he uses a silly deep voice to say something like “yeah be more chill i’m gonna be more chill i’m gonna be so chill that ice is relatively warm”

After Rich talks to Jeremy (“hey, tallass, where’s my money?” and then they sync up) he spots a girl across the stage and yells “Hey, where’s my money?” then chases her down the hall. 

Guy that I’d Kinda be Into

Scene: during the rehearsal - JR: "Bring me patient zero!" Then Chloe, sitting on the ground, looks through her script for like 45 seconds until finding her line: "Cough!"

At “I’ve been activating your pheromones” - Jeremy starts and looks at his armpits, then as the song continues he slowly pulls his arms up to rest behind his head, it was very comedic djflkdsf. He also uses one hand to waft from his armpit before returning to that position. Guy...

I think this is also the scene he uses a script to hide his boner??

They were so cute at the end!!! Just sitting next to each other in rehearsal and kinda leaning in towards each other. Very real very high school. 

Upgrade

Scene: While Jeremy and SQUIP argue about Eminem, Brooke is (silently) describing the accident. She mimes hitting a hockey puck, then being impaled in the guts repeatedly.

Instead of literal bleachers (at least visually), Brooke and Jeremy go sit on the top of the stairs that lead off of the stage and into the audience. They kinda playfully walk around the railings and stuff, and at the point in the Broadway version where they start aggressively making out, instead they just sit next to each other and talk and it’s very cute :) 

Jeremy’s freaking the fuck out in the middle and it’s so obviously sensory overload auauuauuauaugh. He was like contorting to cover his head in his arms. Guy…

Halloween

Brooke’s costume is a sexy dalmatian! She has an eyespot and a black and white skirt + other spotty white clothes. Jeremy’s cyborg costume only extends to the shirt & a visor. I think it matched with the squip’s visor?

THE PROJECTOR…. On the background was the funniest background it could possibly be it was like a graphic of a cartoon skeleton holding a wooden sign that said “Jake’s Halloween Party”. IDK if that’s a poster he got printed or if it’s an extremely camp way of abstractly giving us the setting or what but I WAS LOSING IT SLKDJFKDSJFSD 

I WISH I had a picture of it, but in lieu of that I recreated it for you and I swear it was like 95% exactly like this. just projected on the wall behind the stage.

Do you wanna hang?

Right before this scene, there’s a huge group choreo where people dance with partners, and in the last move one partner spins the other one down, who lands on the floor looking up at them. Jeremy ends up on the floor and Chloe walks up and stands over him while inviting him to come with her. 

TW - This scene is always sexual assault, but the tone felt especially dark this time – maybe it was just seeing it live, though. 

Jeremy’s standing frozen still as the song starts and kind of visibly recoiling as Chloe walks around him. She walks behind him and shoves her hands into his coat pockets, which makes him flinch. Extra upsetting because like I said before I think his coat pockets are kind of a place of safety for him :(((

Pretty sure the SQUIP's Japanese was different from the Broadway. Wasn't sure quite what he said, but it I think it *didnt* include these from the Broadway one: お腹が空いた (I'm hungry) and お疲れ様 ('pleasure doing business with you,' i think?)

Michael in the Bathroom

Scene: Jeremy seems very shaken after DYWH and sits on the bathtub sadly; when Michael reveals himself Jeremy flips out.

Michael talks about “his clever disguise” and makes monster growls (meant as creeper hisses?) - I think with the tone that he’s trying to get Jeremy to respond to the joke, or point out the reference or something. When that fails, he starts getting serious. 

“Get out of my way, loser” is delivered very confidently. 

After Michael says he’s on his period, Jenna opens the door a crack to hand him a tampon dsjfkldsjflkdsjf. He throws it in the bathtub later at “I’m a creeper in a bathroom….”

Also of course, he’s in a creeper mask lol

Song: WONDERFULLY done. Honestly don’t have much to say it was just great. I get desensitized to that song after hearing it so much, but seeing it live definitely brought a spark to it.

“And I look in the mirror and the present is clearer…” section is like the *key* part of this song to me and Connor Introna did it really well. His voice started breaking at mirror, and of course he did the little sob and everything it was just chefs kiss

Guy that I’d Kinda be Into Reprise

When Jeremy asks why Rich didn’t give him a warning and Rich starts saying “warning” over and over, he says it at a steady rhythm until he gets off stage. Then Jeremy tries to rouse a drunken partier to say “So that was weird…” and Rich’s “Warning” randomly interrupts Jeremy like 3 times to comedic effect before he can get the words out

"Popular people are messed up" - less in response to Rich & more in response to the guy Rich is talking to passing out drunk (iirc)

This is just a 2R things but it hit me so just pointing out she just says “I’m not Juliet” in this one (rather than we’re not romeo and juliet) and auuauguughghg poor Christine :(

Weird noises: it’s kinda like a dinosaur impression in this one? They both go like RAAHH and make claw hands in the air. Then Jeremy stands up and pretends to be driving a car (I think???? lol) and Christine copies him

Christine starts standing up while Jeremy’s still asking her out. As soon as he finishes the question she immediately rejects him. That is to say, she saw where this was going and already knew her answer.

After the scene, Rich walks back across the room, flicking a lighter on and off in a daze. 

ALSO: Ensemble were very entertaining in the whole party! During this scene there were 3 of them playing spin the bottle downstage left and it had like a whole arc to it sdnjkfdfdsf Also guys passed out on the floor and on the couch 

Smartphone Hour

Starts w/ Jenna sitting on the edge of the stage, dangling her legs over the pit. 

Brooke is sadly eating Rich’s loaf of bread. (After she forgives Chloe she passes it to some other actor offstage which I probably wasn’t supposed to see but it was funny lol. communal machete bread)

THE PROJECTOR….. Everyone was holding phones and in the background was footage from their front-facing cameras (prerecorded, but it synced pretty well with the live actors). Then you could see the GUI of them typing some of the lyrics (“rich fled to bombay!!”) into imessage and twitter

AND THEN you see footage of the house burning down on an insta reel…. An unremarkable suburban house where you can see flames consuming the roof. This same footage plays on a few people’s reels, then there’s also footage of firemen coming and putting the fire out and its SO REALISTIC i was losing it 

Around “Changed my profile pic to you” it shows a bunch of (presumably) instagram photos of Rich like in his house and at school or wherever and i wont lie it made me feel for him a lot more. They were like actual full staged photos :( like thats a real guy in there… 

Pitiful children

Scene: When Jenna asks if the SQUIP is a drug, she does the same extended thing of checking to see that nobody’s watching that Jeremy did in The Squip Song

The Pants Song

Scene: see my notes on Mr. Heere aaaaaauguh

Michael’s sitting on his front steps while smoking weed from a tiny green bong. You can tell it’s his front steps because there’s a mailbox next to him labeled MELL BOX in big letters dslkfjdskfjs

Michael’s wearing pants - I think that’s just textually accurate but reporting it anyway

When Mr. Heere comes over (“do you love him?”), he puts one leg on the top step and Michael is eye-level with his crotch. Michael has trouble tearing his eyes away. This happens a few times. In my opinion, it made him come off as a lot more high than he usually does lol

If I remember correctly, they get very intense and like shoulder-grabby at one point. Could’ve been a different scene though I dont remember OTL OTL

The Play

Michael comes out of the audience!!! It was cool it was meta lol

PINKBERRY CANON SDLKFJDKLFJKFJLSF. Brooke and Chloe have the Two Rivers dialogue (He didn’t sleep with you? He didn’t sleep with me!) then after Sisters forever! they do these actions to the rhythm of three staccato beats: “Jinx!” *high five(?)* *KISS ON THE LIPS* and instantly pull away. They're extremely normal about it and are just standing there afterwards without moving or acknowledging it. 

Despite being in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, Jeremy is dumbstruck and stares at them for a few beats before moving on to the next line. It was amazing. No notes. 

Jeremy is horrified when Christine starts singing to him. She walks robotically over to him and speaks kind of like she’s reading off a script (hehehe). Jeremy is backing up against a wall and freaking out almost like he’s trying to get away from her. No implication at all that he’s tempted. 

When everyone starts screaming in pain, Michael is screaming in triumph. (Or at least he looked very triumphant, I don’t remember if he screamed lol)

Voices in My Head

Rich is in a wheelchair. Also he doesn't have a lisp.

Rich is wearing Michael’s glasses. When he starts asking about Michael, Michael shows up and takes his glasses back. I think Rich steals them back at some point too? 

Michael acts a lil flirty with Rich - approximately "I'm sure you'll find something very special," then in a tiny high voice: “but not with meeeee…!” and he pushes Rich’s wheelchair so he rolls offstage jdsfkldsfkfd

At “Tell her that she excites you sexually” Rich does a little wheelie to (presumably) represent a pelvic thrust (all of these Rich moments were excellent I loved this Rich sm)

Christine’s squip was Taylor Swift this time!

At “I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but…” He trails off and there’s a pause before “Just say what’s on your mind, Jeremy.” I know they get together obviously, but it felt like it could go either way! Maybe because it was live.

(And then they cccccome on lets go and do bows, in character i think, and it was amazing the end)

I was gonna write a TLDR here but honestly all of it was amazing and if you want the highlights it’s pretty much just the stuff I bolded!

Also end note the actors were all soooo nice and they let me ramble to them about jeremy for several minutes Q____Q it was amazing im so happy about this still I wish I got their signatures sjdlfkjdsfkdsf

I hope everyone gets to watch the show at some point but otherwise I hope this can be useful to someone!!

[weak4skz]

Hope is For Suckers

Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

Word Count: 1.3k (sorry it's short I'm just trying to get this chapter out)

CHAPTER WARNINGS: eating disorder, negative self talk/thoughts, body dysorphia, a lot of feelings, panic attack

NOT PROOF READ!!!

THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE REPRESTATION OF THE PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THE FIC

A/N: Sorry for the really late update. I've been really busy and haven't been really motivated to write. I might but HIFS on hiatus until July but idk yet. Thank you for all the support though, I really appreciate it

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

this is my current taglist. if your name is in read it means I can't tag you. also please comment if you would like to be added

--------------------------------------------------------------

When we pull into Chan’s designated parking spot I’m so nervous I could puke. 

“Hey,” Chan says, gently putting a hand on my knee to stop its bouncing. “They’ll all love you just as much as I do. But if you still want to go home I’ll drive you ‘kay?”

“No, I want to meet them.” I force out of my mouth. He just nods and we both get out of the car and begin to walk towards the door. When he opens it, the first thing I notice is the smell of freshly baked brownies. Then, I hear yelling and laughing coming from the living room.

“YOU landed on MY property. PAY ME THE DANG FINE.” 

Then I fear another voice scream

“YOU’RE IN JAIL! I’M NOT GIVING MONEY TO A CRIMINAL.”

“THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PLAY!!!” the first screams.

All of this over a game of monopoly? 

“Boys” I mutter with a playful roll of my eyes. “I know right” Chan responds with a small smile.

Chan leads me to the living room. “Hey guys” he greets the six men casually.

“Hey Chan hyung.” one with mid length dark hair and glasses responds. “Who’s that?” he asks, pointing to me.

“This is Y/n. She’s a good friend of mine and older than half of you so show some manners and introduce yourselves.”

“I’m Jeongin” glasses says.

“Seungmin”

“I’m Felix”

“I’m sexy king Hyunjin”

“Man shut up.” the shortest says with a small laugh, “I’m Changbin”

“I’m Minho”

Then they go around again and tell me their ages. But I thought Chan told me they’re were eight members in his group? As I finish my thought, someone bursts in through the door.

“‘Sorry I’m late guys. Oh hi… what’s your name? I’m…”

“Han?”

There is a pause, a moment of silence, and for a second I regret saying anything.

“Uh yea, I’m Han Jisung. How did you know my name?”

“Chan talks about you gusy all the time. I just assumed it was you because you were the only one missing. I’m Y/n''

oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh there is no way HAN JISUNG the man who is (partially) responsible for my villain backstory is the eighth member of Chan’s band

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick” I say, trying to excuse myself from the source of my impending panic attack. I speed walk to Chan’s bathroom and lock the door behind me. Once I get the feeling that I’m safe, I slide my back down the door and sit on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my head between them. Then I try to regulate my breathing before I start hyperventilating.

Breath in, one two three, breath out. Breath in, one two three, breath out

I repeat it over anad over again until my breathing is as regulated as it is going to get. Then, I get up and fix my mascara and blot away the bits that escaped with my tears.

I walk out of the bathroom and find Chan alone in the kitchen. “Hey Chan, I’m feeling kind of sick so I think I’m going to head home.” 

“Are you okay? You were fine when we were at lunch.” he looked concerned. Great, now I feel bad for lying

“I just got really bad cramps out of nowhere. And you know I get crabby wehen I don’t feel very well.” I try to end the conversation quickly so he doesn’t catch me lying. “Oh, I didn’t know you were on your period. I would have just brought lunch to your place. Let me go get my keys so I can get you home, kay?” 

My period? Ohhhh, he thinks I’m on my period. Thank God he thought I was on my dperiod because I hadn’t thought that far into my lie. While celebrating that little victory, Han walks into the kitchen. 

“Oh hey. I saw you were looking sick and I wanted to come check up on you” he said while grabbing a soda from the fridge. “Yea I just have really bad cramps.” I lied again.

“That sucks,” he started, taking a sip of his fanta. “Hey, I was just wondering if you went to Fairview High School. You kinda look like this girl I used to hang out with.”

“Uh yeah, I went there. I thought I knew you from somewhere but I couldn’t tell.” I responded. ‘A girl I used to hang out with’ huh. Was I really the only one that was thinking about our relationship for the past seven years. Not gonna lie, that kind of hurt. Because up to a couple moments ago I thought very highly of Han, I still considered him a friend. Because he had been my only friend for so long, I sort of held hope that he would be my friend forever. But I was too naive, I should have known he would forget me. I mean, I’m not that memorable; but I thought I would at least be more than a girl he ‘used to hang out with.’

Not a moment later, Chan comes back into the kitchen with my shoes. “Oh, hey Han. The kids are waiting for you so they can start a new game of uno.”

“Ok. Nice catching up with you Y/N.” I mustered the nicest smile I could at the moment and responded with a bitter ‘you too’ before moving to hop off the counter to put on my shoes. 

Chan holds me down by my knees and kneels down to lace up my converse himself. “What were you guys talking about?” he asked after tying the first shoe. “We used to go to the same highschool.”

“Cool, were you guys friends?” Chan asks, now finished with tying both shoes. “I thought so” I mumble, mostly to myself. 

[muff1nqwq]

sorry i havent been around in a while, things have gotten crazy, im sure you get it. my first day of being a sophmore (10th grader) starts tomorrow and while im not extremely nervous it is also 11:50 at night and i have to wake up at 6:15, ignore the specific time as it is never specific, its an estimate at best.

i have this thing called band camp that has been going on for the last couple of days. basically i play my trumpet (her name is Margaret) for 4 hours in preparation for football season (im in the band, we have to play at football games) idk where you are ofc, so to clarify, this is american football. the concussion sport.

i picked up tarot reading and it's super silly, i would recommend. its funny to think that the cards are supposed to have their own personality. id say that i dont see it, but they told me to shut up once, sassy ass cards...

i havent been hurting myself as much because of how busy i am + how cold it is. a thing about me is that i cannot ever cvt when its cold. maximum discomfort. 0/10 stars. not funky fresh.

my ex and i started talking less often and im kinda glad it happened, which might be mean to say, considering were friends still, but theres so much to do, to worry about that i can barely keep up with things.

anyways, i think thats most of it. btw if you ever dont know how to respond to one of my rambles, id love it if you might just add your own story? about anything!!!! i like hearing from you!

— rin

hiya Rin :DDD I missed u!!

GL in school!! I'm gonna b a Freshman this year and I'm excited-nervous abt it... At least its gonna b the same ppl ( even though the principal warned us abt a rush of new students, but its better than going 2 a brand new school ) I gotta fix my sleep schedule so bad, I stay up till 3am and wake up at noon :'3

:0000 IM IN BAND TOO :DD I play clarinet :3 ( btw I love how u called football the "concussion sport" XDDDD )

Tarot reading sounds so cool :000 i rlly like astrology and numerology ( I'm an Aquarius :3 )

4 me it's still hot af here, even though snow melted like 3 weeks b4 summer break :> but yesterday I went 2 go walk my doggo and right as we were turning back, it started raining, and my dumbass didn't bring a jacket and I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and shorts, so I was running ( in flip-flops ) 4 ten mins in the rain tryna get back 2 my house lolol X'3

That sounded like a line from a book I read a few yrs ago XD ( but I hope ur still finding time 4 urself :) )

A few nights ago I was rlly, RLLY hyped up 4 highschool... Same school, few new kids, new teachers, maybe a new rep... Then I thought abt what my rep would b like. I mean tbh I don't mind if I'm known as a weirdo furry theatre kid, but last yr my ex-bestie spread nasty rumours bout me, manipulate me and my friend group, and overall make everyone avoid me. At least my friends knew what she's all abt and stuck w me 4 the whole yr, but like... What if the rumours spread 2 the new kids and bad stuff happen?? So then I stayed up thinking bout that and at 2am I multiswiped 10 times and I named the cvt Jeffo :3 ( I haven't cvt in weeks cuz I didn't have many Band-Aids left )

Have a good day Rin :DDD

-Muffin

[psychelis-new]

hi is it possible to tell if there is a spirit attached to an item? I have bought to beautiful porcelean dolls off ebay, one supposedly haunted and the other was just a normal doll that I liked. I have a few other vintage items like a sewing machine and also a chair that my step grandpa had passed away on but again havent experienced anything remotely unusual :/

I had been reading about this and watching videos of youtubers who have "haunted" items, I dont know if I 100% believe it as I havent experienced anything paranormal bar a few times in my younger years but thats about it. Im quite interested in the topic of life after death even if it seems morbid lol. hope ur doing well and thanks in advance if u can reply!

Hello!

Hmm okay. Let's start from the beginning: do you believe in spirituality? In the existance of a spirit world around you at this moment, guiding you and protecting you and all, or not? Cause it all starts from there imo. What I mean is: there's no really need to think about life after death, if there are already spirits/souls around you at this time in the 5d (which doesn't mean they cannot interact with you in the 3d)... or I am just seeing this differently from you? And I don't mean this in a way "I am wrong you are right" or viceversa, it's just about what you believe inside of you. We have no scientific proofs about this so it all is up to what each one of us believes. And maybe about our personal experiences too, and what reasons we give to those experiences (coincidences, fate, spirits...).

It also depends on your definition of paranormal. What is paranormal to you? Again, I think it depends on each of us and what we believe, that's why I am asking you. For me, a paranormal experience can just be thinking about a song I haven't been listening in ages and then having Spotify suddenly playing it for me; or flickering lights/my computer glitching around me when I channel something or my pendulum moving to give me answers; or smelling something specific... I could give you loads of examples. But maybe for you all this is not paranormal, this is just coincidences or electricity stuff or whatever else, and you only define paranormal an object moving with no one around. Or seeing a ghost, idk.

Now: the fact that you haven't experienced anything paranormal (according on your definition of paranormal -let's suppose is the second-) or only having had a couple of experiences in your life for you means that paranormal is not real or that can it be real anyway? Do you need to experience something (and also something specific like Idk that doll moving her eyes, or seeing your granpa on that chair, eg.) to affirm it can be possible or you can believe it anyway? Do you need to have constant displays or not? And of which kind they need to be (if you need them)?

After having analyzed all this, and decided if according to you there's a chance for spirits to exist at this time and act around you in any way (and what you can define paranormal), then you can go on and ask yourself if you can possibly believe that a spirit may be attached to an item (or if there's a chance for this to happen). I wouldn't trust that much youtubers on this (at least not all), cause you know when it comes to those entertainment platforms, people can make up things just to gain from views. And trust me if I say that many of those people can do anything in order to get as many views as possible and gain from others (and there are tricks too, in case they need to make a point). For what I believe and what I am getting, there's a chance for a spirit or someone's souls to be attached to an item. It doesn't have to be an old item though, it can also be recent. It depends both on the value it had for that soul during their 3d life, and also on if something (or someone) connected them to the item in any way. I personally don't like porcelain dolls, they make me very uncomfortable for the way they look, but it doesn't mean that all of them are haunted or possessed. And as for a way of saying with certainty if an item is possessed or not, it's probably best not to know, even more if it's not your grandpa's chair we're talking about but a random object you decided to buy online. You never know the nature of the spirit attached to them and why it got attached, if it got attached ofc (given that you believe in spirituality and what it is all about, ofc). So yeah, it depends on what you believe and what you want to believe too: nobody can say that you're stupid for believing in life after death or in the fact that a spirit is living in your doll. And just know that if anything is supposed to show up to you, it will anyway. It's just better to not force it.

Take care, have a good day/night!

[suddenrundown]

@leverage-ot3 tagged me in this ask game! (thaaaaanks :D)

Star Sign(s): *meme voice* you guys got more than one star sign? i just know im a pisces lol

Favorite Holidays: I think probably thanksgiving

Last Meal: i had a frozen pizza a little bit ago. 'twas pretty good.

Current Favorite Musician: good ol' carly rae jepsen. what a queen.

Last Music Listened To: looking at spotify it was crj lol (specifically cut to the feeling) but i was listening to my 2023 wrapped playlist which is not made up of all carly rae jepsen, if you can believe lol. but she is there quite a bit!

Last Movie Watched: I watched Rye Lane with my roommate! I didn't get to finish it cuz i needed to go to bed since I had to get up early for work the next morning, but I'm gonna go back to it! it's very good :D

Last TV Show Watched: Fully sitting down and watching something? Our flag means death, I think?? I feel like I must have watched something since that ended but I can't think of anything. I did skip around a few scenes from specific leverage episodes for writing reasons, but that probably doesn't count lol

Last Book/Fic Finished: Officially the last actual book i read was the lies of lock lamora. Haven't read anything since because I quit the book club i was in (did you know you can just leave things? if it sucks hit da bricks) but that was a good book. last fic was how do we turn on the light which is a aziraphale/crowley fic by moonyinpisces on ao3. its super good (if you like go you should read it!!)

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: Ancillary Justice (also for that book club).

Currently Reading: I'm not currently reading any books but I am reading that aforementioned go fic!

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Lol i googled if there was such a thing as a window opener and what that looked like. I wouldn't call that research but I don't have a better answer!

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I think the time I got @faorism invested in my heartsong au and then they made a whole fic for it. faor is truly a treasure in the leverage fandom. also the response i got when writing as whole as we could be was overwhelmingly lovely <3

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: uh. well. i kinda wish we could get the fandom we had for leverage back?? i understand why the people that left it did and totally support it, but i miss the community and the different corners of it. i think people obv still post about and create things for leverage but not to the extent that we had before. such is life though!

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: i think i could probably give the same answer for this as the last question, honestly. in some ways its nice to be small though :) OH maybe the toby daye series?? idk if there is much of a fandom for it and i just dont know about it lol that is quite possible.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: good lord. come back and haunt me. im fucking trying out here dude! im trying so hard lol

ok i shall tag some people but if you see this and dont see yourself tagged and think "i wanna play too!" well consider yourself tagged, whether we are mutuals or not. and if you are tagged directly, no pressure at all <3

@cloysterbell @shinybulbasaur @faorism @miss-interpretations @applejuiz @majesticartax @romansmartini @wizardrights @imusthavebecomesomething

[tadpolesonalgae]

i didn't mean you should start building their relationship already btw. i mean more we could see az show some care for her platonically (i dont know how to spell that, english is hard) like he does with the other ic member (which he did start showing a bit) and see them have normal chats here and there. i agree that she has a lot of work to do before getting into a relationship and that if azriel started liking her out of nowhere it wouldn't work. they should get the awkwardness worked out and then stay friends for a while i feel like

also you said something about unnecessary parts but i haven't read anything that i thought didnt matter to the story, i think it's really more because we only read the chapters when they come out so we can't keep reading to get to the fun part like in a book (which when i sent in that ask i started really thinking about how that conversation with the ic could go and i get why you're scared like the poor girl is going to go through it but it's necessary for better things!). if this was a book i would have definitely finished it in one sitting, it's a really good story i hope you don't doubt that. some chapters could have been grouped together maybe but that would still be the same amount of writing we would just be in chapter 8 instead of 10 idk

also are we getting more mer azzy soon?? he's very cute, i kind of imagine him like those cats that hiss when you get close but still want a pet - 🧶

‘i mean more we could see az show some care for her platonically (i dont know how to spell that, english is hard)’

So a big part of the story that I feel is extremely important, is finding a way to show Azriel still cares about reader despite how sour their relationship is currently? I won’t say what happens because obviously I don’t want to potentially ruin the experience for anyone, but it’s something I’ve had in mind since the second chapter, so I’ve had a lot of time to have it playing around which has definitely contributed to making me scared to write it 🫠

(And correct spelling! +10 points!)

‘they should get the awkwardness worked out and then stay friends for a while i feel like’

I’m so relieved you said the part about being friends for a little 🫠

Again, when it gets to that stage (eventually) I’ll try not to drag that out excessively 🤦

‘(which when i sent in that ask i started really thinking about how that conversation with the ic could go and i get why you're scared like the poor girl is going to go through it but it's necessary for better things!).’

Thank you for the comfort 😭

I really think I might make that one just a consecutive chapter? Like without any splits between scenes that has sometimes ended up happening in other parts? I don’t want to speak too much about how I feel about that scene since I really don’t want to give anything away, but yeah, I think the issue will be figuring out what sort of reactions different characters would have, who would act impulsively and who would remember to keep as calm as possible in that scene’s circumstances?

‘if this was a book i would have definitely finished it in one sitting, it's a really good story i hope you don't doubt that.’

I’m by no means a physical-comfort person, but I could definitely hug you right now, thank you 🫂

‘also are we getting more mer azzy soon?? he's very cute, i kind of imagine him like those cats that hiss when you get close but still want a pet - 🧶’

He’s being worked on in the background, and that’s a perfect description of him—sweet but a bit prickly 🧡💛

Reader is going to be a little dumb soon though, but luckily Azzie’s going to be there so it’s all going to be okay :)

[a-lo-is]

{ ooc info + abt

BASICS

🦋 indie rp blog with the muse alois from kuroshitsuji

🦋 currently mobile locked so my blog doesnt have a fancy theme or anything , sorry . this also means that i wont be able to cut responses with xkit or anything . this ALSO also means i have to put all my info here instead of making lil bio pages lol , sorry for the long read ówò;;

🦋 im not very experienced with tumblr rp if im being honest . i used to be a part of a directory ( it wasnt kuroshit related / alois wasnt my muse ) but that closed a while ago and now im trying to make it on my own as an indie rp blog lol . if i do anything thats considered poor etiquette for indie rp blogs on tumblr , please forgive me + let me know

🦋 mun's info : 25 , latine , bi , nonbinary ( any pronouns r fine ) , neurodivergent , mentholly iww ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ . i have memory issues but i don't intentionally ghost

🦋 muse's info : alois is canonically 14 but could be aged up to fit things like a college au or something . i love AUs and am more than willing to deviate from canon

RULES

♟️ i would prefer to only rp with partners that are 21+ , and i absolutely will not rp with anyone who isnt at least 18 years old

♟️ each thread is its own universe unless otherwise specified / discussed , this blog does not operate under an overarching / blanket canon

♟️ no godmodding ( i.e dont make my character do something in ur response , not without consulting me first )

♟️ i am primarily looking to interact with canon characters ( even if we haven't interacted in canon ) , but i am willing to rp with OCs ( or even characters from other media / crossover stuff ) , if they approach me . i cant guarantee the threads will last very long / i will respond to every one , though . also , this being said . . . ⬇️⬇️⬇️

♟️ do not force relationships without consulting me , even platonic ones ( ex : dont pop in like " hey alois its me ur best friend for five years i love how we go bowling on fridays , last weeks party at ur house was great cant wait for next week's " when i dont even know ur character or have had a chance to decide if alois would vibe w them or not )

♟️ alois is , canonically , a right brat . that isnt to say he cant be sweet or friendly , but he is not guaranteed to get along or play nice with all muses . please do not expect him to act out of character so that he never has any conflict with your muse

♟️ alois is 14 . he might flirt or make a dirty joke or whatever, if it would be in character for him to do so at the moment . i get it , i was also hypersexual at a young age due to trauma . this does not mean i will rp smut scenes with him at any age younger than 18 . and even then im not saying i will necessarily rp that lol , if anything comes up in an aged up AU i think i would rather just fade to black

♟️ i dont use those little reaction images / face claims in my responses . its fine if you do , but please don't expect that of me

♟️ i do not agree to rp with anyone who is a zionist , LGBT-phobe , abelist , racist , cop lover / bootlicker , or any other sort of bigot

CHARACTER INTERACTIONS

🎀 i am open to the idea of doing other ships / dynamics , but these are the character interactions i am seeking primarily . could be romantic or platonic :

cielois ( alois +/× ciel )

alolizzie ( alois +/× elizabeth )

🎀 i am willing to explore the relationship between alois and calude , or even alois and sebastian or the other demons . but to be clear , their relationship will not be shippy ( ?? idk how else to put it ) . if any romance is involved , they could have sweet moments or nice internal monologues about eachother , but it wouldn't be healthy or all the way happy , and would be something alois would struggle with rather than being anything ~shippy~ / endgame . it could also be something completely one sided . i would be exploring their relationship , not rooting for them to get together . i like to rp things with angst and drama and dark themes just as much as i like to rp lighthearted silly stuff

🎀 ⬆️ in scenarios / universes where claude or any of the other servants is not who i am playing against , i typically play alois's household as NPCs , as needed . in this case claude and alois typically have something or other going on , which is pretty heavily implied in canon but i thought i would make that clear here . it doesnt have to come up , i suppose it wouldn't unless we get into something angsty , but it is there in the background , so you're aware

🎀 suggestions for AUs : college / roommates , summer camp , convenience store , celebrities / influencers ( which they kind of already are lol ) , tutoring , fake relationship , group therapy , house party , coworkers , etc etc etc

[elio-monroe]

im so incredibly depressed. this post is bad and contains a lot of content warnings that i can't even get myself to type out. i have a hard time seeing any of the stuff ive gone through as real or actually mattering. through most of my life if i tried to use the proper words or phrases i was told i was lying and those things dont count.

so im sorry i cant make content warnings for the read more. just take this as a big general one i guess. im not writing this for an audience im writing this for me.

this is also like a novel. so maybe don't read it because you could be doing anything better with your life. i am not exaggerating. this is so long.

i always feel like a huge bother. like im making peoples lives miserable by being around them if i am not doing everything they want to do. lately i haven't been able to make many decisions by myself, i freeze up and i just cant do it. i have to wait to be told and its frustrating, i hate it. i feel so stupid but i also feel so deeply that anything i think to do will be wrong, that ill be stepping on someone's toes.

i know my friends think i should stop making myself smaller and smaller, they encourage me to take up space. which is nice, i think, but i feel nothing but disgust for everything ive ever chosen to do.

i wish i actually didn't know why im like this. but like... i grew up every summer going to east side michigan, my grandma's house. where my cousins were, my mom's side of the family. my cousin's demanded i spend my time equally amongst them. every night i would swap what house i slept over at, if they got into a fight and didn't want to spend days playing with each other id have to make sure i evenly split my time between them and acted like i was equally on both of their sides.

if they got mad at me, even if one got mad at me, they both would ahhh you know theyd do stuff that wasnt great. a... small and lesser example would be the time they chased me and get me into a corner to terrorize me with a mechanical toy hopper (bugs life). i was very scared of that character when i was young because he was the bad guy and i was like 5 or 6. theyd do a lot of stuff like that, that would elevate as we got older. sometimes even doing more... physical stuff. i tried to tell on them when i was younger, get any adult to help me but none would really believe me. i had a reputation for being a cry baby so to them i was making stuff up. my mom would be too drunk to care at the time (she is better mother now), and my dad wasn't present in my early life (navy).

eventually i stopped being a snitch, it only ever made things worse. i guess that was a good lesson to learn early on... maybe... idk. anyways, anything theyd do to me id just keep it bottled up. i still do. and its extended past my cousins.

in late elementary my friend, who was a few years older then me and in middle school and knew a lot more about sexual education ah, well i dont think she ever meant anything bad by it im still like friends with her though we don't talk really. but i think she is a good person who just, i mean i didn't know what was happening other then being confused because i hadnt had any sexual education.... haha aaah ive just been so stupid and behind my entire life...

when we had sleep overs at her place she would usually have me sleep on a single pillow because i was pretty small when i was younger and she thought it was cute and i wanted to please her so bad. i didnt have a cell phone but she did (these were flip phone times) and she use to take a lot of photos of me... kinda non-consensually, not like sexual ones or anything so i just let it happen because there wasnt any real harm other then my mild discomfort.

eventually she moved away. and then i moved away. we kept in contact though. like i said im still her friend.

middle school was catholic and rough. i was the poorest kid going to a private school. i had hit puberty right before entering 7th grade (my first year of middle school) and my boobs had already grown to be nearly double d. catholic school uniforms are not very friendly to more curvy body types. most of the girls called me fat, i really only had one friend (and one kinda weird stalker-like girl) who had much bigger breasts then me and was a little chubby. i tried my best to not be offended at the fat comments because my friend would get them a lot more and i thought that was fucked up. i never liked when fat people where the punchline to jokes, i didn't know the word fatphobia but i was against all the shit they went through.

anyways i joined the co-ed soccer team and all girl basketball team. i had three years of soccer (on an all girls soccer team, aka real soccer) and i was a fucking killer mid-fielder. my thighs were giant and powerful, i could run for and sprint for hours without slowing down. i was a jock and i didn't even know it. i outclassed pretty much everyone on that team and i was benched pretty often because of this. the coach hated me, like literally told me how i shouldn't be as good at soccer as i am because i was making the boys feel bad. he told me it wasnt my place as a girl to do that. he'd make me run lap after lap after everyone else was allowed to stop i had to keep going.

a bit of a back up here. but i am physically disabled... i don't usually like to say that because its... minor i guess and there are so many people who have it worse. so please don't think ill of me if you are reading this, i know it doesn't count but im just getting it out there i guess. anyways my ankles (and do some extent my wrist as well) are very weak. my ankles actually hurt every single day because i am a very active person and must be on my feet a lot for my job too. but basically my ankles never really fully developed despite how much i worked out as a kid. i droll my ankles probably like 3 times a day when i was younger, im a bit more careful now, only about like once or twice a week and i rebound from it very quickly.

anways after my first year of soccer we had a new coach (this was on the all girls team) bc our first couch had to retire due to... being... not a very great person lets say. the new coach noticed i walked and ran a bit funny and one day asked me if i would allow him or my parents to wrap my ankles in bandages. i agreed and let my dad do it since he was a (navy) doctor. and lo and behold i could play soccer so much better. the pain was pretty much gone and i could fully concentrate on playing the game. and i was so fucking good.

back to middle school (in an entirely different state too) the co-ed soccer coach found out about my bandages, because one of my teammates saw me wrapping them in the bathroom and told him, and he made me stop. i got worse but i still kept trying, i wanted to spite him so bad. i wanted to spite all of them. i especially wanted to spite the girl that disclosed this information.

i hated her so much. she commented on my body so often. she bullied me every single day of middle school (thankfully i only went to middle school for two years). she was fat but called me fat, i never retaliated because it was pretty fucking clear she was insecure. sure the comments hurt because they were mean, but god i much preferred her fat comments to what she would end up sticking with after she saw me naked.

we were both on the soccer team (and basketball team), this was a very small school and i was in the largest class, at 18 people. usually we would have a good amount of time for everyone to change in the bathroom stalls individually, but it was going to rain in the late afternoon and because ppl in ct can't handle the rain like ppl in wa our game had been moved up so we all needed to get changed fast. whatever, i did not care, and i began to take off my uniform. it became very apparent to every girl on that team right then that i was not fat. so much so that bully girl had to give her thoughts on my body which was "wow, deadname! you really aren't fat." she said more but i refuse to quote her directly as it was horribly degrading and very rude to sex workers. but the gist was i had a body type perfect for men. i was 13 and appalled by this comment.

i know that probably seems like a pretty mediocre thing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things. but at 13 i had some... unfortunate sexual time on the school bus with another kid. over the fact that i couldn't be ace because of.... being a tease i suppose. before 13 my cousins often commented about how id dress like a slut from time to time. and i guess they had a point, i have a pretty more sense of what my body looks like and what it is doing at any moment in time. through out my life and still to this day i accidentally show more "private" areas of skin. my ass is fat and short skirts look better on me then long ones (and i honestly do not care that much if strangers get a glimpse, its not hurting anyone and you can just fucking look away). as a kid i often had plenty of "outfit malfunctions" that'd show off my boobs, they really don't make little girl clothing that fits around double ds. and once again i was small as kid, i could not fit adult shirts or bras or underwear (despite how fat my ass is i still wear teen/little girl underwear if im not wearing boxer breifs bc most woman's underwear will sag on me unless i go to an asian run store. mass produced clothing is fucking awful and a scam).

one time, with my first soccer team, the first coach had invited us all over for a halloween party. my mom didn't allow me to dress goth (she was and might still be scared i'll turn out to be a serial killer) but on halloween she allowed me to wear anything i wanted. and i wanted to be a skull fairy because i liked skulls and i loved being able to wear mostly black whenever i could. the top was strapless, the breast size a good amount too small for my honkers but that didn't stop me. mini skirt and thigh highs. i added a black feather boa because i loved boa's but being surrounded by other children meant i could hardly live my true camp-self day to day, but on halloween i could wear the biggest sparkly black boa i wanted. i also had some cool black fairy wings.

at the party she had us play some games, typical things like dunking for apples (i didn't participate in that one because im very bad at not breathing in water when its on my face), and pin the tail on the donkey, like super regular kid games. but there was one game where we were split into three teams, where one person on the team was tied up and chained to a chair while the other teammates took turns trying to find the right key to release the various padlocks along the captives body out of a large bowl of keys. first team to get their captive free wins. as you might imagine this game went on for a long time because there was a lot of fucking keys and if the key didn't work you had to return it to the bowl bc it might work for the other teams and all the keys looked extremely similar to each other. i was voted to be the captive (i wasn't really liked on my soccer team but i was fairly good at it for my first year and the coach saw promise in me and the team wasn't about friendship, it was about winning (we won 90% of our games that year)), which i was fine with because i didn't like the idea of running back and forth and getting frustrated. and in all honesty i was a little freak and for reasons unknown to me at the time, i really liked the idea of being tied up so i let it happen.

and oh boy how i had greatly misjudged how disliked i was! i was the first of the captives to get tied up, and i honestly don't know if there was a sorta mistake on the amount of supplies that were needed but after me, the two other captives were tied a lot less strictly to their chairs. they only had their wrists, ankles, and waists tied and padlocked to the chair, where as i also had my thighs and chest and tied up (no padlock on those two areas though). it quickly explained to me those were for like setting the scene or something. i accepted it but i was starting to panic a little because my chest was tied pretty tight and if i moved even a little bit my top would start to slip down. i tried to stay as still as possible and not bring any attention to my gradual double nip slip. but ya know, its hard to not wiggle a little when you've got various girls hands brushing against you as they try key after key.

the horror of it really came after one of the other teams won, the other team finishing seconds behind them, and my team had yet to find a single successful key. my boobs were fully out at this point and my skirt had rode up so my kim possible themed underwear was on full display. i was pretty embarrassed about the kim possible thing, and i suppose i was right to because my teammates absolutely thought it was lesbian behavior to have shego's smug face beaming from crotch. and to make everything worse, there was no skeleton key to this game. i was stuck there until the actual fucking keys were found. the teasing was pretty relentless, even after the mom came back into the room to see how things were going she didn't help. i asked her to help, i was on the verge of crying because i was very humiliated and wanted to go home (plus i was battling the very alien feeling of arousal), but she figured it would toughen me up to... sit through everything. eventually i was freed and i cried in the bathroom and asked to have my mom pick me up. she did, she asked me how the party was and i said it was fun but i was tired. (as a side note i'd be totally down to recreate this in a far more consensual way hahaha. being tied up and played with by some actual friends sounds so lovely)

so yeah, the comment about my body being great for men, for sex, was a bit to raw for me. i didn't say anything back though. i didn't know how to respond because all the other girls agreed. i got into the next stall as soon as possible and never changed in front of girls again.

i also never wore that skull fairy custom again unless it was with a long sleeved black turtle neck.

i became so much more conscious to cover my body up. but that never worked. i'd continue to be touched and groped until i eventually chopped those puppies off in my third year of college.

but even throwing my boobs away, even after starting t, cutting my hair short, wearing the most conservative outfits, people still touch me. i've grown fine with being touched by friends, i know they mean no harm. or... i guess i hope they don't mean any harm. i think overall people are good and have good intentions and sometimes just do things on accident and we don't have to over analyze everything.

i dont like strangers touching me. but... i'm very very awful. im no good at anything and i just, i just let it happen. every time. i let it happen. i guess i try to softly push their hands away, but i get so scared if i try any harder things will go worse. i dont speak up or say no. at most i maybe shake my head. god i wish i wasn't so fucking stupid.

but then maybe im not. the overwhelming majority of people i try to tell about these things don't believe me. or don't think its really bad that it happened. when i was in college i tried to use the woman's resource center for... ah well for like rape related stuff. but they told me i wasn't welcomed in the center and that whatever happened to me was not rape and does not warrant support. i know its wrong to use resources and support for something you've never actually for real gone through, but i was... and i guess still am desperate for something. i don't know what that is. i don't know how to define what i've gone through. i just have been told its not rape, its not really sexual assault, and its so minor that i can't even call it sexual harassment. but... i've seen people with similar stories to mine get those resources and be welcomed, embraced.

i hate to say this... but sometimes i wonder if its because i wore a tie and dress pants everywhere in college. i've never dyed my hair, and i don't really... idk i guess i don't look queer enough or feminine enough. maybe i scared people because i looked like the people who did bad things to them. i hadn't started t yet when i was rejected from the center, i hadn't even had my boobs removed. but no matter where i went there was this overall feeling that i was 100% a man and men don't go through those things very often. and it made it worse that i was a trans man, if i talked about those things i was invalidating my own gender and it made others uncomfortable. i had friends that hated to think of me before i was chosenname, that would tell me i was misgendering myself if i talked about specific things i went through. so i stopped.

i understood then that anyone who claimed themselves to be a safe person to talk to about things, to come to when you needed help, where not for me. i did not count.

i didn't mention my time in high school. i had one good year, 9th grade, at a tech school in ct. i moved to mi a year later. but i was loved, i was popular, i was just me. i still cry thinking about how much better my life could have been if i could have stayed at that school and not moved away. yeah i was being used because i was the smartest kid in the school and i was actively improving the test grades so much that i became a literal bargaining chip at a big conference for the district panel on fund allocation amongst the public schools. i was very happy with this by the way, and i had actively and enthusiastically given consent for the board members to use my grades as a means to afford more for the school, we all pretended that i wasn't moving come the next year. a few teachers joked about kidnapping me so i could keep attending the school (another thing i told them to do but this time they didn't :c). anyways, worked out well, the whole school got funded, more kids with higher test scores started attentending after me, and now the schools been completely remolded (it was originally designed as a cold war bunker turned tech school hahaha. we had a boiler room still that would constantly blow up and we'd just get random days off of school. it ruled).

then i moved to mi. everything went downhill. i become the obsession of one kid in my grade who i unfortunately had a locker right next to. again i wore a lot of short skirts, but at this point i was wearing leggings underneath as opposed to thigh highs, and i wore my blouses all the way buttoned up with a scarf acting as a diy tie. it was a killer look, id still wear it. but this guy decided i was his anime waifu. he'd try to get me alone. he'd push me up against walls to tell me how beautiful i am and how he would do anything for me. it was pretty bad because i didn't know how to make boundaries. i was scared of him getting violent with me (though he never showed any tendancies to do so... i was... well we've established im stupid). so for three years id occasionally just have to deal with some guy with a huge asian festish trying desperately to date me. i avoided my locker as much as i could.

then there was the pathetic guy. he was a year ahead of me and not interested in my at first. i was on the quiz bowl team with him and he had a bit of a reputation of going after woman who continually turned him down, and he often tried to go for the more.... aaa mentally ill girlies. he went after my friend who was a senior (also not a girl anymore) and i hated him forever after being told about it. i tried to be rude to him, though i don't know if he ever understood that or maybe i wasn't good at being rude (though i'm pretty damn good at it i think!). but after my friend graduated he suddenly started to push himself on me. at quizbowl matches, id sometimes get a little overwhelmed by all the buzzer sounds so id occasionally sit at the back of the room to get a bit of distance from the noise (which everyone was pretty cool with!), and well he'd follow me right on back. he didn't want me to be lonely he told me. i never felt lonely, but i did begin to worry that maybe i looked lonely or maybe he was lonely. but i also didn't like him, but also i was at a sporting event and he was my teammate so i can't be rude to him. so id let him sit near me. then he'd get nearer and nearer and nearer until he had his arms wrapped around me. he'd whisper in my ear and dig his fingers into my thighs, sometimes he'd pull them apart. but i never tried too hard to stop him. i don't know why.

eventually a girl in his grade and on my team noticed this, and she started sitting by me too. he stopped. i never told her thank you, but i thought it, i tried to convey it with my eyes. she didn't care much for me but she always kept her gaze on me when he was around. sometimes.... i find it hard to believe she was the first person to ever help me out of something like that.

occasionally at school the guy would get me alone and he'd be rather violent. he'd make me feel bad that i never told her to stop staring. didn't i like him? didn't i trust him? he was so alone and i was too and he was just trying to make me feel better. he threatened to sue me when i told his younger brother i didn't much care for his big brother as he pushed himself on my friend years ago. i did laugh in his face because that was such an empty threat, even someone as gullible and stupid as me could put that together.

god id never want to relive middle or high school, or even elementary school... or college... wild because i was really good at school and i've never been good at anything ever again.

now these days... ah my adult years have been a bit better. i get groped a little less now that i don't have boobs. but i don't wear as much conservative clothing as i use to. i've started wearing feminine outfits again, which are nice. i try not to let the... weird things people say to me get me down. i try not to believe i deserve those words.

i tried to get use to taking the bus again. i live an hours walk away from my job but i live on a direct bus line to it. though over a year ago... when i was trying out the buses again by myself a man came up to me. i was sitting down at the bus stop and he stood right in front me of, very close, as close as he could be. he was very clearly homeless and most definitely mentally ill so i didn't want to be mean about personal space right away. so he started talking and i slowly pushed myself to the end of the bench se we had more distance while talking. but that did not work as he just followed. his questions got weirder. he had commented about how he thinks boys look nice in skirts and stockings and my stupid fucking ass was like "oh well thats great! he seems really supportive! i guess i don't have anything to worry about!" then his hands came down on my thighs. i placed my hands on top of his hand gave them a slight push downwards, i was trying to say "please don't" but that wasn't clear enough. he instead started rubbing my legs up and down.

at this point i was like "ah fuck! again! again with something happening at a bus!" but i could not summon up enough of a fight in myself and i just kept answering his questions like a dumbass.

then he asked "where are your parents", that was an odd question. "not here, at home probably." "are you heading to school?" "no... no." i was so lost at this question. it seemed so fucking bizarre to me "what school do you go to? what school around here? where are you going?" "i graduated!" "from where? when?" "grand valley! a few years ago!" then i watched his eyes grow cold. he stopped smiling. and he turned and left me. no further questions. the bus arrived and i got on. i just stared out the window and cried silently as i slowly realized what had just happened. i was suppose to then take the bus back, but i couldn't. i called my boyfriend and cried to him and asked if he could pick me up instead and he did. he promised me he would if i ended up getting to uncomfortable.

i try so hard to get use to the bus. i think public transportation is great. but i keep getting scared. my looks get me in trouble more then they give me any benefit. he isn't the first guy to think im a kid and try stuff with me. even in college well meaning people told me their attraction to me felt incredibly illegal. i still don't really know how to process that. personally i think i'm rather ugly and unapealing. but i've had plenty of people tell me they are attracted to me but feel bad about it. and i don't know what that means.

i know i can't have an onlyfans. no matter how much i prove my age it just gets reported for being csem, same with instagram. i had to stop posting pictures of my fully clothed body on insta because even those were getting reported! i can't show my face for my works socmed bc it'll get taken down. even when there was just the back of my head people thought i was a child (and were freaked out by the content of the reel due to my perceived age).

i feel like im just trapped forever in this weird... bubble. nothing ive been through is considered to be enough. but all of it slows me down. all of it scares me. all of it continues to ruin my life. i get anxious. i get so scared. i have to be told what to do. i need people to not see me as human because when people care about me at a deeper level, when they don't just see me as some fun toy to play with and throw out in a year, i get scared.

god this has gone on for so long. i did not mean it. but i gotta get in the shower. i have to go to work. im scared and anxious and depressed but i gotta go to work. i wish i could just do art. but i've just started self harming again instead. im so stupid. but i guess writing all this out was better then cutting myself.

now if you somehow read through all this. do not call the cops for a wellness check. i will try my hardest to do suicide by cop.

also never call the cops for a wellness check on anyone ever you fucking moron. do you know what they do? do you? do you fucking know? would you believe me if i told you even a single fucking thing they've done to me? or are you just going to ignore that and call because "youre so scared for me" and you think because im white ill be safe. shut up and unfollow me. never talk to me again. block me. you are a fucking idiot and only view the world in black and white. i do not need that in my life. educate yourself on the history of cops and disabled folks, trans folks, and gay men. seriously. fucking go and learn and be a better person.

[hellfiremunsonn]

you look so pretty i didn't even notice the size difference for a second. Like, mine aren't that noticeable, but I guess cause my nips don't line up on a horizontal line it has to be mentioned?

Yeah, I was pretty sure these men weren't shit but also...like it felt good to be flirted with? To be seen as desirable? I have never really been in a "relationship" always the let's not label it or the "oh im talking to a guy who showed interest in me and- oh he's married well im blocking you now" (which the married thing has happened more than once, making me feel bad. Like, if they were in an open marriage or poly or whatever, I wouldn't care. But its like im like "isnt that...your wife?" And they get upset i find out like obviously you don't want her to know).

I know my friend didn't mean anything by her comment, so I'm not really mad at her. I think its moreso the guy who said it was a handful (I am a b, maybe c cup depending on the bra (usually its the band) but I think that because I have broad shoulders and a big rib cage, I am big boned i guess cause I am tall, they expect more??)

It just really fucked me up cause I was sitting here and I thought okay he was a piece of shit, and so I started scrolling through Tumblr and reading fanfiction because why not escape reality for a second, and it ended up being smut and I was like ah....my body doesnt...do that normally. And then it made me spiral thinking about every fic I've read (for example, Steve or Eddie) and how its all similar, and then I was like shit maybe I am weird? Like I get i shouldn't let fictional stuff bother me, cause it is fictional, but then I am like hm the men irl suck so why wouldn't it translate (I am not making it make sense like the characters would be fine I think but its like the fics all have similar anatomy i dont have making it seem as though it is normal, and the guys irl suck so they probably also expect that idk im gonna stop this sentence now).

I think the thing that truly bothers me is the fact that, if I am getting close enough to you to feel comfortable topless, because typically I am not, then that means I'm vulnerable and you really just basically stab me. You basically get me in a vulnerable state and go straight for the jugular

Ohgod, yeah I used to never take my top off or my bra off cause I was like nOPE YOU CAN'T SEE MY BOOBS!!!!!

Now I don't care as much because I've thankfully had more positive reactions?

And with fan fic, I try to write sex for reader how I enjoy sex? Which too be fair isn't much because I haven't had a lot of GOOD sex. I've had good moments in sex but never the whole thing. So I don't include a lot of nipple play or stimulation, because I personally don't get much pleasure from it, but I know my partners have so I let them do their thing, thus briefly adding it into fics just cause a mouth on a tit is a common occurrence for the most part.

I also always make sure to get reader to cum from clit stimulation because most vagina havers cannot cum from penetration alone. And I also add it hurting at first, because for me OFTEN times it's really uncomfortable at first, and sometimes it has felt like I'm losing my virginity all over again.

ANOTHER THING. This helps me when reading fics, but (Y/N) isn't me but she is me... Like she's a version of myself I have created to fit these fics, but it's not me me, she's her own character but she is MINE. if that makes sense? Like I have no interest in anal or anal play, but like (Y/N) ??? she'll do anything, and I love her for that.

ALSO, My titties literally get stuck in my armpits when I lay down and I have to pull them out before I get comfy. They be doing what they want I swear.

MEN ARE SHIT

But also voicing your insecurities, and just laying them out on the table sometimes helps! It's something I started to do unconsciously, but I would basically point out these things before someone else could do it, and do it maliciously. Like if I did my eyelashes wonky, I'd point it out right away, or maybe if my ass looked extra flat, or my hair was greasy. Because all our lumps and bumps and ridges, and dips, hairy, smooth, discoloured bits are all part of us, and make us each our own person.

idk where I was really going with this again, I kinda just started typing. But I hope you at least find the tiniest bit of comfort from talking it out with me.

[mc-tummy-blur]

Ask Game to Get to Know You

I was tagged by @deathishauntedbyhumans a fat bit ago, so imma do it now, lol

What book are you currently reading?

I guess technically I'm reading The Qur'an for an English class that looks at Biblical texts as literature. Pretty interesting so far.

What's your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

Uhh, gotta be Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, but I feel like once I see John Wick Chapter 4, it could replace that. I've been dying to see it.

What do you usually wear?

Uh, idk I gues like comfortable clothes that I can lounge around in??? Clothes that maybe say Gender tm idk

How tall are you?

5'4. 5'4 and a half of a good day.

What's your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Aquarius. I mean, it's on Valentine's Day, so.

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

In public, I go by my birth name, and in private, I go by my chosen name. Honestly, I guess either one isn't so bad to be called, but I think one day I would like to be called by my chosen name in public.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Nope, and I'm very thankful I never did. I don't care what benefits the military or being a cop has. I'm not doing either, lmao

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

I'm not, and I dont think I have one? It's more like it would be nice to be in a relationship in general, but I'm also not thinking too hard about it rn.

What's something you're good at vs. something you are bad at?

Good at drawing, bad at math.

Dogs or cats?

Both cause I got both.

What's something you would like to create stuff for?

I'd really like to do my own video essays one day on things that I like/things that are important to me. And, also I would like to film a project one day. Also, highkey, my brother, sister, and I joke that we should be writers in like any company we grew up with (Lucasfilms, TellTale Games). Hire us, you cowards, lmao. If not, we'd just start a podcast talking about how something should be written, lmao

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

Haven't written much this year, but I think my favorite art piece that I haven't shared on here was a drawing I did last night of Ruby Rose from RWBY, then seeing an old pic I did of her in 2017. Maybe I'll post the two at some point cause I like to show the growth I had.

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

The Persona games. Currently playing three and four. I'll find out a way to check out the first two games.

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

Can't think of anything at the moment

What's a hidden talent of yours?

The talent is so hidden that I haven't even figured it out yet lmao. Though maybe it's writing angst, I found out that I'm pretty good at that.

Are you religious?

I think at the end of the day, yeah, I am. But it's not extreme.

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

Not sure how I should answer this question since I'm interpreting it in multiple ways. Uh, I guess maybe like a chest binder? Or some like hot wings idk

I'll tag @sampoststuff @sharkmobster @indigomuunz @youraveragedeltafan, but honestly, anyone can do this

[worstdisastermaster]

The books and the shows aren't the same thing and?? That's okay?? It doesn't have to be??

Some of the artists haven't even seen the show yet, and maybe won't 🤷‍♀️ I know I've seen like. The 1st episode and that's it lol. And I really enjoyed it and I think it's really fun

But people tend to separate book fandoms from in screen fandoms, to an extent, at least, bc there ARE differences, and THATS OKAY

They are very connected but they are not the same and I don't understand why people find that so hard to accept?? Like. Genuinely I'm so confused lol

Like if someone was being disrespectful, or trying to whitewash Leah or something horrid then like. Defend her!!! (Do try to be polite tho bc people can and often do change, and they know what they have been taught until they learn more- like for example, a few years ago I had no idea ab anything lgtbq and I peob would have gotten myself canceled bc I had. No idea. Ab any of it. And despite having best intentions in heart i totally would have offended someone, and that would have crushed me, because *i didnt know*. I never would have hurt anyone on purpose, i just didnt realize what COULD hurt others on that specific topic, much less why. But now I identify with it and am learning new things ab jt every day and etc. And that's a super touchy topic for a lot of people and for good reason too! Just try to be kind first, then if they are jerks u can be a jerk back lol. Just give peopke a chnace to get better- and then PLEASE dont hold the past against them ubless they very clearly havent changed mk please please please let people grow and change and get better dont crush them before they can) anti Leah trash is. That. Trash

But why would you attack book Annabeth, just for existing? She was my childhood, and I identified a lot with her as I grew up. And guess what! I also identified with Hazel, and I do so even more now! No matter what race she will be casted as, I'm still going to imagine BOOK Hazel the way I always did. Doesn't mean I won't adore her actress, or appreciate art of the girl playing her role! But would you call me racist for drawing her as African American if her actress, was, say, Asian American? Or drawing Leo as Latino instead of Somoan? Because to me, u less I am being a jerk about it, all I'm doing is drawing the book instead of the show. Idk I'm too sleep deprived to put my thoughts into coherent words lol

I love the posts, where it's like, book Annabeth and show Annabeth holding hands. Those posts are my favorite, both because they are freaking adorable, but also. Because it's equal

They are different aspects of the same person

And

Thats

Okay

You know???

I quite literally grew up reading pjo. I read it at least once every year since I learned HOW to read, *partially on pjo*, until late middle school. I was raised on book Annabeth.

Show Annabeth is new and exciting and adorable and I'm so happy for it and I am very excited for all the people being introduced to it!!!!!!!! However, when I'm writing book pjo, I'm not swaping it out for show scenes, bc they are, in fact, different. Which, again, NOT A BAD THING. And you know what? When people from the show fandom write their scenes, they aren't going to be thinking ab the book scenes, and THATS OKAY TOO!!! And I could care less how my readers saw my characters when the read the story. I write them the way I imagine them, but it's their job as the reader to say 'no, actually :P' and swap out the appearance for one they liked better.

I did that plenty often as a kid, and i donf regeret it.

Which, ironically enough, was why my book Percy was blond until ab 6th grads XD I mixed up Luke and Percy's hair description ONCE and just. Never questioned it, though all the rereads, or looking at the covers of the books 💀 you can imagine my shock when I joined the fandom and found out Percy had black hair, instead of sandy hair like, you know, S A N D, like poseidon!!! And now show Percy is blond XD

That just proves people can imagine things how they want and jts okay- especially bc maybe, in an au, they're rifht!!! (Au being show Percy to me)

Anyways I lost my train of thought and it's almost 12 here lolll I hope I didn't say anything ill be embarrassed by come tomorrow~

Good night world :3

Hi guys, wanted to discuss something going on for a while now. What the hell is wrong with pjotwt? Like...whats wrong with this people? Do you see what they say? What they are even trying to do?

First of all, let me start by speaking about the cast. They are all wonderful children, Leah especially! She is doing an amazing job as Annabeth. But book Annabeth still exists yk? She is and she is literally white. It is not racist. But denying about a character being white in the books, even spreading hate like this...is racist. There are people out there related with Annabeth for years. People love her, every version, maybe book more maybe even the movie. How can you disrespect her like this? And most importantly, how can they attack an artist like this, with an art being so beautiful. What they are trying to do is not protecting Leah, it is spreading hate. It is awful. Making this fandom toxic, so so much.

Them trying to erase book Annabeth because she is white, trying to cover her by painting on her, shaming artists, calling people that loves her racist...What do we do about this in pjo fandom? This fandom used to be so beautiful, but now. This people are not part of the fandom in my eyes, because real fans, would respect every version of the characters, love them with their anything, even flaws. They would protect this characters because they love them, so much. And not to mention this characters are the ones Rick wrote 20 years ago, they were with us for so long.

What do tumblr think about this I wonder? Since pjo fandom is pretty active here :3

[ghxstic]

Dw i got you. Go ship your moots 💜

AHH AYAYAYA ITS FINALLY MY TURNNN <333

okay so, i tried to add everyone ! ! i even went through my following, but if i left anyone out its bc i forgot if we were actually moots or if it was just me that followed you, if that makes sense ! anyway, let's move on <33

@getou2001 is shipped with . .

. . . YAE MIKO : MIKO ? ? cmon, ik you love her i can't just leave her out. you love visiting her shrine :(( she makes sure her schedule it cleared just for you :(( n she always leaves you shaky n such a mess, she loves seeing her little bunny all messy for her ♡

@emomanswhore is shipped with . .

. . . ALUCARD : cmon your acc is LITERALLY themes after the vampire king, it would be a crime if i didn't add him >:(( anyway ! he's enamored by you baby ! ! his pretty little bride, the only woman he loves and adores ♡

@touyyes is shipped with . .

. . . TOJI : i was gonna say leon, but since i have v v little knowledge abt him i settled for toji, ANYWAY we know you love him babes, we also know you wanna suck on his tits and that's okay ! ! he let's you 🤭

@luvbladez is shipped with . .

. . . JASON TODD & DILUC : again, i know nothing abt jason todd, but he is p hot so like ;)) but ! ! i do know abt sir diluc ! ! hes so sweet, he makes breakfast in bed for you and loves holding your hand as a quiet way to show he loves you as well as a small reassurance for him that you're with him, safe and by his side ♡

@muzans is shipped with . .

. . . MUZAN : i mean its pretty obvious 🤭 BUT STILL, hes so rude and condescending to everyone around him BUT you, you're the only person that gets to see a more sweeter side of him <33 he can be a bit mean though, but you just have to have some thick skin ! !

@munsonsins is shipped with . .

. . . EDDIE MUNSON : AHH i just think you two would be so cute, he'd play his guitar for you :(( ramble abt his lil nerdy interests and you'd be so glad to listen and even shared your own interests ! ! you're one of the first people that saw past the whole " freak " thing and he will forever cherish you being in his life :(( absolutely adores you bae ♡

@getoswhore is shipped with . .

. . . GETOU : i was gonna say gojo just for shits n giggles but i bullied myself out of it 🗯 either way, idk how you did it but you have that man in a CHOKEHOLD, idc he worships the ground you walk on <33 you're like his treasure and he won't be afraid to show you off to let people know the absolute PACKAGE he bagged. i mean, you're meant to flourish, not to be hidden away, right ?

@divilyn is shipped with . .

. . . DOTTORE : you love a mad scientist ? you probably love the thrill don't you ? if he ever had to do an experiment you'd probs volunteer 🤭 but fr you two would probably be an evil power couple, oh he has to burn down a tree in sumeru ? no worries you're right there at his side holding a pair of matches <33 he loves his evil ( sleepy ) wife ♡

@akazxii is shipped with . .

. . . XIAO & MIKEY : UGHH xiao will protect you no MATTER the cost, he will never rest well if he doesn't know that you're safe, and if you're in a situation where you're not safe and sound he will go to the ends of the earth to make sure to get back to him safely and unharmed :((( as for mikey ? im gonna be fr i haven't really caught up w tr but in a more domestic situation, he just likes having you around, yk ? he enjoys your company more than anything and you always seem to keep him grounded ♡

@obitohno is shipped with . .

. . . GOJO : listen, i was gonna say obito but i dont read or watch naruto so i wouldn't know what you write abt LOL i was ALSO gonna say getou but idk ? ! anyway, you're like a mediator, we all know gojo as very eccentric and hyper and you just seem more collected and calm, you just keep him at level, in a good way ofc ! you probs love clinging his arm while by his side :(( n he ofc let's you, you're so warm n you look so cute how can he resist you ? ♡

@snake-titan is shipped with . .

. . . NANAMI : AHH YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE ? ! you probably wake up and make him coffee in the morning and he wakes up as you pour him a cup. he comes up behind you wrapping one arm over your waist and placing a kiss on your temple :((( he just adores you.. n he gets you flowers every week after work n they always have a small note where he says he loves you.. :((( ♡

@angelover is shipped with . .

. . . ZHONGLI : osmanthus wine.... zhongli is very old school, okay ? does he get you flowers every week ? yes, does he take you out to date every friday evening ? yes. he talks to you so sweetly, everytime he says he loves you he says it in such a poetic way, he's so raw about his adoration to you it's amazing. everyone that knows him knows about you too, he talks about you to everyone, if he sees something that reminds him of you while out with someone else hes like " my lover would love this :) "

@httphaitani is shipped with . .

. . . ILLUMI : idk HOW you did it, how you got this man to fall for you, but you did it. you should be given an award for it ;))) IDK WHY. but i can see you styling his hair, so he can de-stress, yk ? you just sit behind him, gently brushing his long silky hair, rambling about your day and he just listens ? ? his muscles relax and he just loves having you there :((( he's not big on pda, but he will hold your hand if it makes you happy as well as placing small gentle kisses on your cheek to make you happy, he does everything to make you smile :(( ♡

@sailewhoremoon is shipped with . .

. . . SANZU : I HAD TO SETTLE OLAY. ik you're sasuke's gf but idk shit abt naruto so if this is a reach and completely wrong just.. ignore this 🚶🏻‍♀️ ANYWAYYY hes such a hot mess, but hes so clingyyy. he loves having you sitting on his lap, his arms wrapped around you and keeping you close, he probably kisses your neck too while hes at it ♡

@venioa is shipped with . .

. . . CHOSO : hes so.. big.. <33 scary dog privilege all the way ! ! but in between you n him, hes more like a lost puppy <33 he loves holding you close to his chest, feeling your body warmth just keeps him at ease :(( ackkk you two are the cutest i can't :(( ♡

@kentoberry is shipped with . .

. . . AYATO : you two are the power couple of inuzuma, its literally canon, im hoyoverse. he walks around the city with his hands intertwined with yours, not afraid to show you off. everyone that sees you wish they had a relationship like yours <33 he's just the type to cherish his pretty little wife, always putting you first, hes the type to be like " excuse me, do you have (fav food) ? it's my wife's favorite. " and he says it all with a (shit-eating) smile ♡

[bokettochild]

🦊thats good, sleep is nice <3 and to be honest im not so well, but sorta okay i guess. been tired and having bad thoughts all day and random pain and cramps as well but its fine, not that important or worth talking about/gen i havent really done anything :/ dont feel very productive,,thinking about drawing/reading something or playing my switch instead of doing nothing. idk what though.

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling great, but I get what you mean with needing to do something but lacking the motivation

I hope things get better soon and you can be gifted new spoons!

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Hey, I'm starting to question if I might be demisexual and I was wondering if you had any resources for that?

I feel like it should be obvious, I remember when I first started learning more about queer stuff I spent a lot of time in aspec spaces and I really liked it there, (... Same with trans stuff... A year later, ta-da I'm trans-) but I didn't think about it too much bc I was just trying to learn about all the queer things at the time

I've thought about it before but just kinda brushed it off like "nah I for sure feel attraction" and when it came to other labels that don't necessarily mean no attraction at all I again brushed it off as like, "well I would know"

(...... I also passively thought about being trans and brushed it off as "nah/I would know)

And thinking about it........

I have one specific memory of someone trying to ask me if I found BTS attractive and I was very uncomfortable ;-;

And they kept trying to like, ask me to play some form or "smash or pass" ig and that made me just as uncomfortable in the same way

And like, I do find people attractive?

But unless it's like, a fictional character or a content creator or something that I can get some sort of feel for who they are as a person I feel a bit uncomfortable about admitting I find them attractive? Or maybe it's just harder to tell if I do or not? Like I'll answer yes but the yes looks like it was written with my non-dominant hand with my eyes closed

And I definitely don't think about them in a sexual way, any time I've tried it's also uncomfortable, and the only time I haven't felt uncomfortable thinking about someone like that was like.... People that I knew... Who I knew also liked me that way....

.... See that sounds really obvious but I swear it's more complicated lmao

Or maybe I'm just really dense idk

If you read all of this I appreciate you

Also I think you're really cool <3

Hey anon!!

Hmm, it does sound as though you might be demisexual! With the feeling at home in aspec spaces, only feeling sexual attraction to those you know, etc 

Hmm the feeling uncomfy admitting attraction could be two things tbh—one it could be internalised shame at feeling attraction, ie you feel bad/shameful for being attracted to someone, or two it could be you’re aspec and you’re not actually attracted to them.

Tbh try thinking *why* does it make you uncomfy? Is it because you’re not attracted to them? Or you feel bad for being attracted?

And remember anon there are different types of attraction-aesthetic, romantic and sexual! So you can feel one without feeling the other etc

Also there’s no harm in trying out the label for a bit and seeing how it feels!! Say “I’m demisexual” in yr head and just go about your day and keep the label in the back of your mind and see how it feels!! If you like it, keep it, if you don’t, ditch it!

I dont happen to have any resources, sorry! Followers, do you have anything that might help anon out?

Ajsjakd ty <33

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your questioning journey!! Lmk if you have anymore questions, and have a great day/night :D

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

plane pillow

where peter planned to play video games with ned through the whole flight but fate decided to take another turn....

*A/N: this isnt related to far from home nor the ending of endgame, just pretend infinity and all the movies after didnt exist since i imagine pete 16 in here. i dont know why 16 i just like that age on him lmao, enjoy reading!*

pairing: peter x reader

status: strangerz (well sort of since they haven't talked to eachother but they're in the same school)

NOT PROOF READ BTW SO SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES

peter's POV

"the flight will be amazing! i heard they'd installed the new game we were talking about" i gushed to ned, excited for the whole flight to be filled with video games.

"im excited" ned stated practically jumping from excitement and i shook my head laughing

"OK CLASS!" Mr Harrington clapped his hands getting our attention "we're boarding the plane in a few minutes so pack your stuff and lets goooo" he pointed at our gate dramatically.

we walked to the gate, scanned our ticket and sat on our assigned seats, ned and i sat on the three seater, he took the window seat by winning a 3 round match of rock, paper, scissors *sighs angrily* and i obvious got the middle, kinda scared of who'll sit beside me though.

we had to wait for a few minutes, since we boarded the flight early. ned and i obviously started playing video games, too entranced by the small glowing screen infront of me i haven't realized a girl.

she hadn't really acknowledged me either because she looked tired, i cursed at the screen for losing the game too quickly and my dumb ass still didnt realize a GIRL, MY AGE, looking PRETTY FUCKING ADORABLE was sitting next to me. oh dear god.

after a couple more games and me being the most idiotic teenager known today for not looking at my right to see her  the flight attendant alerted us that the plane will take off so we the screen will freeze any moment. ned and i decided to sleep, it was very early in the morning and we need to rest if we plan on gaming most of the flight.

i closed my eyes and shifted a bit in my seat, and slept. the plain was moving at the time trying to find the best place to take off. i guess i was really tired that i havent felt someone sleeping on my shoulder.

i was peacefully sleeping still agitated from the uncomfortable seat but i heard a loud noise that frightened the life out of me and due to my spidey senses i sensed a hand on my right, so what did i do? i fucking held the hand. hard, may i add, from the fright.

i opened my eyes quickly and jumped a bit, turning around to see who's the stranger that i held hands with, startled as well. i sighed in relief knowing our plane was safe and it was just about to take off. but then i took a good look on the perso- her, took a good look on her, on her? OH MY GOD ITS A GIRL calm down peter and please dont scare her off. i couldnt stop looking at her and to my luck she was looking at me as well, but none of us spoke

i couldnt help but notice the small part of her y/h/c hair that was shown from her hood looked so shiny and smooth, her eyes were the most perfect shade of y/e/c. the extremely large hoodie looked so comfortable on her which made me think of her wearing one of mine, how big and long it'll look on her body sent butterflies to my stomach. she looked small, and precious so fragile yet she held her body confidently.

the voice of the flight attendant echoed through the speakers which made us both stop our trance of one another. even though the lady's voice wasnt scary it still frightened us. i mean no hate towards miss attendant she called me a cutie and gave me extra blankets

but coz we got startled again we held hands....again looking for the sources of the noise. we visibly relaxed once we realized what it was, looked at eachother and laughed, her laugh was angelic and soft, hands down the best sound ive ever head. she looked rather embarrassed from the encounter but i bet you a thousand dollars i look worse, i could practically feel the blood rush through my cheeks once she realized how long ive stared at her

"i- uhm i-im so sorry for sleeping on your shoulder, and- and holding your hand and stuff" she apologized, it only made me even more baffled by her. how could a voice match with a face so perfectly.

"no no its fine uhh i dont mind *nervous laugh* and for the hand thing i was the one who grabbed yours so i-i should be the one apologizing...im sorry" i rubbed the back of my neck. this is why i dont talk to girls, ever. well mj is an exception since shes like the closest thing i have to a friend other than my best friend obviously.

"i-im y/n, by the way" she lifted her hand properly introducing herself

"peter, peter parker" i shook her hand, it was nice feeling the warmth of her hand again. we probably held hands (for the third time today by the way) longer the we should have but who am i to say i was bothered. i definitely wasnt.

"nice to meet you peter" she smiled shaking our hands one last time then sitting it on her lap. scratch what i said about her gorgeous laugh, hearing her say my name was the best thing ive heard in my 16 year of existence. (her laugh is obviously the second best)

before i could ask anything else, the plane decided to finally take off. i adjusted myself to the seat, not turning to my right side anymore and closed my eyes trying to think of smiling puppies. ive been on a plane before, in fact a private one last year but that was it. this is my second time flying away from new york and i was a bit nervous.

y/n somehow noticed my sudden tense form, who am i kidding i looked like i was about to die coz of my nerves. and held my hand. and i immediately opened my eyes again, the feeling of her skin coming in contact with mine brought chills down my spine, good ones obviously

"you looked rather tense, is this ok?" she leaned into my ear so i could hear her. i looked at her confused on why she would want to help me but nodded as a reply. a smile crept on my face and i couldnt seem to take it off.  the take off went smoothly thank god. and ive occasionally squeezed her hand, usually when the plane made very loud sounds. but i made it! woohoo

i didnt know if i should stop holding her hand or not, even though i didnt want to. will she think im a creep? and if i did, will she think im rude? but i guess it didnt seem to bother her if she went back to sleeping. so i figured i should do the same

i shifted in my seat a couple of times trying to get the perfect comfy spot....nothing. this seat will be the death of m-

"you can sleep on my shoulder if you want" she whispered. "i figured since you let me sleep on yours which im very sorry about, you could sleep on mine" she smiled

"thanks, but i dont wanna bother you or make you uncomfortable"

"oh nonsense! my body is screaming right now cheering for me, well partially scolding at me for saying something risky like that to a good looking guy, its ok" she laughed, her eyes widened in shock from what she confessed. i smiled at her and rested my head on her shoulder

"you think im good looking?" i whispered playing with our fingers, i dont know when i got the sudden confidence but hearing someone like her think a loser like me is cute did something to me.

"shut up" she playfully shoved me and i laughed.

"are you from midtown?" i asked her

"no im from queens" she joked

"oh you're definitely from midtown" i chuckled, next thing i know i was having a normal conversation with me laying my head on a girl i just met like we knew eachother for years, it was nice to talk to a girl i potentially thought was cute instead of talking gibberish

she was very understanding and looked like interested into what i was saying, i was gonna skip my geeky side when she asked about what i like but to my surprise, she mentioned it when i asked her the same, she said she loves comics and likes watching sci fi movies. i asked her if she watched star wars and she said she didnt...yet.

"wanna uhm watch it together?" i played with her fingers absentmindedly nervous if she'd reject me.

"yeah sure" her eyes lit up like she was waiting for me to ask her that. we watched the movie in bliss, thankfully she liked it! and immediately said to put the second one. and surprise surprise, we finished it.

when the credits rolled in, i saw her yawning, shifting in her seat again, i decided to be bold so i lifted her head off my shoulder pulled the arm rest away from us, took a pillow and patted my lap. immediately after doing it i regretted it, she barely knows me, what the fuck peter.

"you sure?" she asked smiling a bit, she looked like she felt something giddy inside which made me feel at peace again and i nodded.

"good night" she whispered snuggling her head on my lap, i hesitantly put my arm over

"good night, y/n" and we fell asleep like how ned slept the whooole time i was talking to her, wow we have a lot to catch up on

bonus:

peters pov

i didnt know the whole plane (our class) practically gushed over my interaction with y/n, i know its been a while since i liked a girl but betty and the rest (including Mr Harrington) practically begged mj to take photos of us since she was the closest, not that she wouldnt have done it without them asking her....

*A/N: idk what this bonus was lmao but i had to add the school feeling happy for our boy pete*

have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover