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blondecarfucker · 6 years ago

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Bed of Roses (Last Chapter - 21)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: THE LAST CHAPTER. I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE. i feel like before i start my thank yous i could give you some weird trivia on the story. i wrote the entire outline for the fic at a weekend shift at work, where i always have free time. i had some smaller ideas - them meeting at a bar and not seeing again, the whole kensingon-taxi-class thing from the beginning - but there was a sudden burst of inspiration and in like twenty minutes the outline was done, and very little has changed, i mostly just added some more details. also, i imagine the reader as alicia silverstone in the 90s?? idk. i just do. also, the reader thing with new york comes from the fact that i lived there for a while and i miss it so much, so thats why theres so much detail about places and stuff - its my form of revisiting my favourite spots there. also, will (REMEMBER WHEN) was written with sebastian stan in mind, and liv tyler (in her lord of the rings days) was poppy. i did too much research for this fic on queen history, and everytime i had to change something (especially in the first act) so the dates made more sense, it KILLED ME.

anyway, now the thank yous: SHIT THIS FIC IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER ON MY LIFE. its my first time writing such a long story without abandoning it, and my first time writing fiction in english, so i learned so much!! i was doing some research the other day, and the great gatsby is like 47k words long, and the first harry potter is around 70k words long - bed of roses is around 60k words long. this is crazy.

it's also my first story to get this many readers interacting with me, and i'm so grateful for you all!! i thought about thanking you all by name, but i dont want anyone to feel left out so i just want every and each one of you reading these words to know: if you read my story, thank you. thank you for giving me your time of the day, thank you for connecting with what i wrote, thank you for telling me in any way possible that you've enjoyed it. thank you. a writer must write, but theres not a lot of joy in talking to an empty room. you filled my small room with warmth and love and there's not enough words to express my gratitude for you all. thank you.

about my writing: i plan on FINALLY DOING THE MANY REQUESTS I HAVE IGNORED OVER THIS FINAL ACT OF BED OF ROSES - requests are still open, too! i'm also outlining a smaller roger x reader fic where she's one of the videographers on the news of the world documentary, so keep an eye out for that! i'm gonna open a permanent taglist for the requests (and eventual new fic), so if you want to be added, hit me up in the ask box/comments/inbox!

anyway i'll finally wrap up this chapter's note cause you have the final chapter to read. enjoy my loves

Words: nearly 4k

Warnings: none??? part of their dialogue is inspired by some of my favourite movies and books like her and the wife and almost famous and before sunrise and the fault in our stars and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and maybe more I DONT KNOW ITS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL RIDE OK I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHERE DID I PULL THIS FROM EXACTLY. some errors too cause i didnt revise it completely my bad im crying ok

ACT 3 - DAWN

"It's the moment night time seems weaker and everything seems easier to figure out"

Chapter 21

Roger lit a cigarette in the train cabin, and tried to open the top window, the one you can usually pull open.

"Rog, it's not gonna open, you know", you told him as you watched him fiddling with the glass.

"I guess you're right. Hope you won't be bothered by the smoke", he said, taking a puff.

"I won't if you share it with me", you answered, and with a half smile on his lips, Roger lifted the cigarette to your lips, and you breathed in the smoke while looking at him through your lashes.

"Don't look at me like that. Especially if the cigarette smoke is going to leave the cabin sultry and hot", he told you, and you laughed.

"Yeah, and we won't do anything about it", you said, trying to make yourself more comfortable in your seat.

"And why is that?", he asked, batting his lashes innocently at you, you you lightly elbowed his ribs.

"We need to do something else, something we've been ignoring the whole trip", you said, and he raised his brow. "We need to talk about us", you told him, and he breathed out, smoke coming out of his nose.

"I guess you're right again", he said, then slid a bit down on his seat.

You didn't think much about talking about your future with Roger while in Paris, so now has to be the time, on a train that will take you to London and to a whole month of Roger being away, promoting News Of The World.

While in Paris, you never talked to Roger about the future, and talks of the past where subtle - you talked about how you felt with the development Doctor Who took over the years, but didn't think much about the fact that you were separate during years of the show.

You enjoyed the city, but most of all, you enjoyed each other's presence, not only going to museums, churches and castles around you, following them up with fancy dinners and walks along the Seine, but you also spent time inside the room, in your pajamas, ordering take out from restaurants you found on the phone book, having a hard time trying to speak french as Roger tickled the sole of your feet and kept trying to distract you.

You would always remember the peace you felt as you ate cheap chinese food on Roger's shirt on the balcony at night, the Eiffel Tower shining over your meal and Roger's electric blue eyes as he hummed early David Bowie's songs under his breath, or how at home you felt sitting on the couch, Roger on the floor with his head on your lap, his soft strands on your fingers as you tried to braid them while watching re-runs of I Dream of Jenie, Roger focused, trying to understand the french dubbing until he noticed what you were doing.

"Babe, are you trying to braid my hair? Think I'd look better if I'd look more girly?", he said, moving his head back so he can look at you.

"Yeah. Always thought so, but I'll have to keep imagining, since your hair is too short to braid", you pouted, and he laughed.

"Don't you like my new hair, then?", he asked, pouting back, and you moved your head to his level so you could press a quick kiss to his lips.

"I love it, Rog. Especially cause since it's shorter, it looks even messier after I pull it", you said, and he smirked. "My favourite look of yours is when you're all dishevelled after sex", you winked, teasing him.

"That's my favourite, too", he said, turning completely around and pulling you in for a kiss, his hand on the back of your neck.

But now, while in the smoke filled train cabin, you needed to make a few things clear.

"I've been avoiding this for a reason", he said, looking out the window, and you raised your brow, waiting for him to explain. "I have this weird, innate fear of you telling me it's all good but you don't want to see me again, or something", he said, and you gave him a half smile.

"I don't want to do this, Rog. And I won't do it", you told him, and he sighed in relief.

"Even though loving you is a bit complicated, I'll admit. Especially if you're me", you shrugged, and he turned to you, confused.

"Let me explain. I loved your idea for a bed of roses, a few days ago, cause it can exemplify our relationship so well. The roses feel so good against the skin, the smell is so intoxicating, it looks so beautiful - maybe too beautiful, ethereal, even. But then there's always a few thorns here and there, and they hurt so much when they lodge themselves on my skin, but I'm so intoxicated by the whole experience that I don't mind - I convince myself that it's nothing, and even that it's already part of me already, cause the thorns fit so perfectly on me, on my little stabs made by myself, by my own insecurities", you say, and he stares at you.

"What I'm trying to say is that every minute that I'm with you always distract me from the issues that come with being with you - the fact that there's a few expectations that come with being your serious girlfriend, be them always travelling with you while we're young, or eventually staying home once we have kids, knowing that you'll eventually cheat on me with a younger version of myself, while I'm too tired of taking care of the babies to even think about my sexual needs", you said, and you watched him frown.

"I'm not sure where you're going with this-", he started saying, but you cut him off.

"Let me finish, I promise it will get better", you said, fixing your posture as you start again. "But the thing is, I love you. I always have, ever since I started talking to you, you always trying to outflirt me, always seeing me as your equal. You desire me, but you also listen and see me as another human being, you never back down or ignore me if I challenge one of your beliefs, and you never treat me as a trophy-wife-to-be", you say, and you can feel your eyes fill with tears, but you're smiling. That's what you always loved about Roger. He smiled back at you.

"And because I love you, I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you. I'd rather be in a bed of roses than in an empty bed - or worse, a blank bed, someone being there just so it's less cold at night. I want to be with you, Rog", you say, and he pulls you in for a hug, and you hold him back for a few moments before pulling away and looking at him in the eye.

"But also because I love you and I want to be with you, Rog, I don't want us to try to fit into this type of relationship I just mentioned. I don't want you to make me the other woman, either, when you eventually find someone so you can settle down, if it's not me" you said, rubbing your nose. "I guess I want to settle down with you, eventually, as we planned before, but this whole thing - living together and cheating if we're away for too long - it kills me, and I think it kills you, too. I respect you too much to want to cheat on you again, cause if I ever do and you never find out, I'll lose respect for you, and the same thing will happen if you cheat on me and I don't find out. And these are ugly truths, but this isn't our first time together; we know each other, we need to think about this", you told him, and he nodded.

"And I need to make it clear that I'll never be a simple rockstar housewife - I'll never be able to quit my job and look out for the kids while you travel the world and I make them lunch. I'll never be able to sit down on a dinner table on some award show with you and when someone asks me what I'll do, I'll smile as I say I'm a king-maker. I'm not", you said, firmly.

"And I'll never be satisfied with dumb spa and shopping trips as you do the actual work when we travel. If I have to live this life, I'll resent you, and I don't want that. I like being domestic with you, but this type of forced domesticity will poison us again - we're both too wild, too career-focused, for this. We've always been similar", you said, and he gave you a smile as you sighed. "I guess that's all I have to say", you shrugged, and he laughed. "Not much, right?", he said, running his fingers on his hair, pulling the strands back.

"Guess it's my turn now", he said, and you nodded, encouraging him. "When I saw you again, at the pub, there was so much that I wanted to say. I mostly wanted to apologize - it got lost as I got infatuated with you again, and tried to get you in bed - you know, usual stuff", he winked, and you laughed.

"But yeah, I kept looking at you while you updated me on your life, your skin glooming under the stars and the moonlight, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. Cause no matter what - even if you had decided on never seeing me again after all this - I'll always love you, because we grew up together. And you helped make me who I am", he said, moving strands of your hair behind your ear.

"I just want you to know that there will always be a piece of you in me, always. Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world, however this" he said, pointing his finger to the two of us "works out, in whatever form it might take", he said, sighing "I'll always send you love. Before being anything else to me - and I hope to God you're always something more - you'll always be my friend, to the end", he told you, and the tears were already streaming down your cheeks. His cheeks soon mirrored yours.

"And now, after you so eloquently told me all your fears about our future, I need you to know something else, too", he said, as you wiped the tears under your eyes. "I always loved you for being the way you are. You always challenge me, you always make me work harder, try harder, to be better. And it's not even something you force me to do; I just follow your lead. The way you look was what first got into me, I won't lie, but the way you are is what made me stay. It's what will always make me stay", he said, a genuine smile on his lips. He made you feel warm, like the sun.

"You're the smartest person I know, you're funny, you enjoy sex, you're unapologetic, you're proud of who you are, even proud of your insecurities. And you have such a huge importance in my life: you made me who I am. Whatever way you want to make us work, I trust you. I just want to be with you, in whatever form it takes", he said, smiling, and then getting up and opening his bag.

"I forgot to give you something", he said, pulling a string out of the front pocket. You recognized the red glimmer. It was the heart necklace. "It's still yours to keep. Even though it's not in its original glory, it will always be yours. The necklace and my heart", he said, and you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Always so cheesy, Taylor", you said, joking as you moved your hair to the side so he could put the necklace on.

"You always loved it", he winked, and you laughed. "I do", you said, smiling.

"So, what does it all mean? Where are we?", you asked, and he shrugged. "Wherever you want us to be. I just hope that you keep me around", he told you sincerely.

"I will. So, we're not going back to our old ways, right? We're not back at sharing a flat and stuff", you said, and he nodded. "Sure".

"And you're going to spend a month away, all around the world. I don't want you to feel pressured not to cheat", you said, and he nodded again.

"Yeah, and you're back in London, starting a new job. I don't want you to be worried, too", he said.

"So, maybe no exclusivity, this time? At least not now. This is still debatable, in the future", you said, and he agreed.

"Makes sense. But I'll have a hard time desiring anyone but you", Roger said in a low voice, and you laughed to break any mood that might have settled. You needed to get things clear before making out in the train cabin.

"Me too, Rog. But I don't want to create any expectations of loyalty because we know each other too well, and I don't want a stupid fight to break this thing we're building together", you said.

"It's a good idea. So, no titles, too? I can't call you my girlfriend?", he said, and you laughed.

"You can, if you want to", you told him, and he pulled you closer to him.

"Good, cause I want to call you that on the News of the World launch party, that I'm hoping you'll go as my date", he said, pressing a kiss on top of your head, breathing in your fruity smell.

"Of course I'll go. I need to see the boys again", you told him, and he laughed.

"So you're not going for me, then?", he pouted, and you laughed again.

"No, I'm just going so I can meet Deacy's kid", you told him, and it was his turn to laugh.

Once you got to London, Roger offered to go to the airport alone - he had to get on his flight, and he was late. He knew you had to go home and get ready for work tomorrow, but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

He looked relieved when you got on a cab with him to Heathrow.

"Big day tomorrow, huh", he said, rubbing your arm.

"Yeah, I still can't believe I'm finally going to work at the British Museum. It's so surreal, it feels like a dream. Like I'm living someone else's life", you said, looking out at the window, the early sunday morning reminding you of fresh starts - you were in the middle of one.

"Well, it's your life, and it's your job, cause you deserve it, babe. I never met someone who worked so hard to get where they want", Roger said, smiling, proud.

"I did. You and the boys", you said, and he huffed. "Guess you're right. Me and that pack of idiots, we turned out okay", he joked.

Once you got to the airport, you followed him to his gate.

You were feeling nervous - you had him for a week, and now it's time to say goodbye again.

You're both aware that the rest of the band is already waiting impatiently in the jet, but you can't help it - you hug him, dropping your luggage on the floor, and he does the same, the hug soon turning into a kiss as you rub your hands on each other's body, as if you're trying to remember how every inch of the other feels like, as if you're both about to disappear.

But the airport worker clears her throat, and you break the kiss, looking at each other longingly.

"Don't say goodbye", you beg Roger, putting your hand on his lips as he opens his mouth.

"See you soon", he says between your fingers. You smile at him, grateful he found a way with words so you're not repeating the same old goodbyes.

"See you soon, Roger", you say, hugging him again for a few seconds, just trying to capture every detail - his smell, the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours.

And once he has to go into the jet, you go to the glass wall, and you can swear you see some familiar faces from the windows of the jet.

But before you can focus, soon Roger's well known face takes over the window you're watching, and he puts a hand on the glass.

You can't help but think about the last time you did that with him, him being on your place as you were inside the plane, moving to another country, your heart weighing down on you, filled with doubts.

But now your heart warmed you up, filled with joy and love, and you could feel Roger's crystal heart on top of your chest. He was right. There would be always a piece of him on you, too.

Epilogue: News of the World Launch Party

"Y/N! You're back!" Brian's voice welcomed you to the ballroom.

You squeezed Roger's hand - it was the first time you saw the band in years, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about it.

"Darling, you're really back! We thought Roger was getting high too often and hallucinated a week in Paris with you. But I guess you did come back to him", Freddie said, hugging you by the side as he held a glass of champagne on his other hand.

"I'm back with him only so I can see you all again, of course", you said, winking at Roger as he pretended to be offended.

But then you heard Deacy and Veronica scream your name in unison, and you turned to see them.

"So you're really back!!" Deacy said, but your eyes were on the baby boy on his lap.

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.", you said, trying to get his attention. Roger looked at you, adoringly, as you moved your eyes to Veronica.

"Ronnie!! You're so big!" you said, trying to hug her through her belly. "It's coming out in a few months! It's a boy, Michael. Someone our young Rob can play with", she said, and Roger frowned.

"I could swear it was a girl", he said, and John smiled. "Maybe next time", he said.

"Hey, Bob. Do you want to play with me? C'mon", you said, and he motioned to go to your arms. You picked him up as he started playing with your hair.

"You'd be a good mom, Y/N", Veronica said, and you got tense. "God, Ronnie, don't even joke about this", you said, and Roger chuckled. "It's a sensitive topic at the moment", he explained.

"The moment will take quite some time, you know", you told him, the youngest Deacon pulling your earring before playing with the crystal heart on your neck.

You talked to the boys and Veronica for a while, updating each other, but no one brought up how you and Roger got back together. It just felt natural - no need to question.

You stayed with Roger for the whole night - behind the cameras as he did press, by his side during dinner - where he was back at his old ways, teasing you lightly with his hand under the table. You felt good in his arms, getting back into his life.

He was interested in getting back into your life, too. He came back to London last night, and went straight to dinner with you. You were trying different food, and now was time to try Indian food.

As he ate his Chicken Tikka Masala, dipping the naan in the sauce, you invited him for a party your bosses would be throwing next month to celebrate a new exhibit.

He gave you a bright smile. "I'd love to be your date, my love", he said.

And after the Deacons went home - Robert was asleep on his father's lap - the party got louder, the dance floor more full. You could swear you saw an angular face that could only belong to Bowie pick someone to dance - was this Princess Leia? - but before you could process the whole situation, Roger pulled you to dance.

"Thought you didn't dance, Mr Taylor", you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tried to slow dance to All The Young Dudes, by Mott The Hoople.

"I don't dance very well, indeed. But it's just an excuse to be so close to you in public, and God, I'm dying to call you Ms Taylor", he said, and you chuckled.

"Take it slower, Rog", you told him, and he leaned in to rest his head on the curve of your neck. "And why do you want to be close to me in public? Is it still one of your weird fetishes?", you joked, and you felt him laugh against your skin.

"No, it's just that you've been killing me with this dress of yours, and you've been killing a lot of the guys here, too. Could swear I saw Bowie checking you out", he told you, and you gasped.

"Taylor, don't even joke about this. I'd have a heart attack", you said, and he laughed. "You'd leave me here for Bowie, is that it?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Of course not. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he might acknowledge my existence", you said, and it was his turn to laugh. "The only eyes I really like to feel on me when I look away are yours, Rog", you said, and he gave you a quick kiss.

"Okay, had enough of trying to dance. Let's get some fresh air", he told you, and you followed him to the balcony.

As the cold, fresh air brushed against your exposed skin, you heard the first notes to Tiny Dancer, by Elton John. You walked to the balcony, leaning in and taking in the view of London at night.

Roger soon took you into his arms, hugging you from behind, and you felt safe, his body heart making you warm in the cold evening as he jokingly whispered "Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man" into your ear, and you scoffed. "Slower, Taylor", you told him, and he laughed.

"However you want it, babe", he said, now paying attention to the view, focusing on the feeling on you in his arms again. Finally.

But oh how it feels so real

Lying here with no one near

Only you and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

"I could die right now, Y/N. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this type of happiness before. I'm just exactly where I want to be", Roger said in his husky voice, and you nodded lightly in agreement.

Because in Roger's arms, you feel home. You feel what you hoped to feel for years - what got you to move to London in the first place. You feel like you belong.

---

1988 Special

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years ago

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@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#7:05am who up!! im nocturnal. im a vampire. a cool vampire. jk not sexy enough #unsexy vampire rights!!!#unsexy nocturnal me getting reckless and saying into the mic: Hey. I Love Y’all. Yeehaw

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hontou-baka · 6 years ago

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a post.

been awhile, hasnt it, tumblr.

i have a fair amount of followers, half of which are probably old spam and porn accounts, so i doubt anyone will read this and i doubt anyone cares. venting, self indulgence, i guess.

im not sure if im back. i hope not. not to sound condescending, but im trying to spend my time doing meaningful and purposeful stuff. tumblr is just another social media app that sucks up my time when procrastinating. but i might try to get back into art, and tumblr is maybe the best place to put that, so.... idfk.

i came back once, fleetingly, when white diamond was revealed- knowing tumblr was my best place for content and info and craving it. same goes for right now. i just finished the homestuck epilogues and needed to see others thoughts, some content, i need it for my own catharsis.

ill give my hot take on the epilogues. im sure you could already tell what my opinion is from the posts ive shared. to my relief, this seems to what the majority of others are feeling, too (based on my scrolling through the homestuck epilogue tag for a few hours). they were fucking awful. felt like an edgelord's "pain is the epitome of human emotion" fanfic. it solidified my feeling that hussie no longer cares about homestuck. no, it confirmed to me that he violently LOATHES homestuck, and perhaps even (or especially) its fanbase.

i always thought homestuck would be the most important thing to me. it was, ever since i started reading it 6 or so years ago. there will never be anything that even comes close to what homestuck was for me. it was the only thing that kept me alive through some of the hardest parts of my childhood. i made some great friends at the time because of it (not that any of them stuck around). i was planning on doing homestuck cosplays for the rest of my cosplay existence, to prove that homestuck was still my #1. i wanted to get homestuck tattoos once i was free of debt!

but the ending of homestuck left me bitter. imo, the fandoms bullshit and the hiveswap fuckery left no love in hussies heart for his creation. he wanted it over, and just ended it. but nobody was satisfied with that of course, including me. so i was ecstatic to hear there would be an epilogue. but as weeks, months, years went by with nothing... i began to accept that wed probably never get epilogues. id just love homestuck for what it was, be salty about the ending, and that was that.

then, they came.

reading the epilogue tags, i thought they were a joke, just as many others did. it sounded like every sensitive subject that could ever be tagged was in there, including shit that just seemed ludicrous. but i persisted, like a fool, desperate for the sburb-logo hole on my heart to be filled.

the prologue already gave me so many red flags. my husband had hope, liked where it was going. a huge time skip, ten years we just have to accept went by. all of the characters had drifted apart so bad it was jarring. johns depression and mistakes and regret was daunting. everything felt so off.

and it only got worse. i started with candy. i was confused that thered even be the option all written out for john to stay. at first, i thought i was going to get some good ship shit. rosemary was the only good thing about candy. johnroxy started, took the fuck off, then just... it all fell apart. not a singe character consistently behaved in a way that felt like a natural progression of the characters we followed for so many years. what was the point of jane becoming trumphilter? to angstily show the duality of man? what was the point of all of the weird ass sex? it just feels like such a forced thing, like "oh, everyones grown up now! gotta fuck, and dont you dare even THINK any of it is going to be vanilla fluff and not.... anything but that...."

im not usually one to get upset over content that most find triggering, unless its real or shown in a very real way. but, for example, i honestly felt sick when dirk killed himself. i could go on about candy but it just felt like there was so much bait for a semblance of happiness, just to make it all as bad as possible.

meat was worse. hastily attempting to tie up plot points (like lord english) while also making dirk akuma homura...

also, apparently the author of family never ends had a hand in this? ive never been one for fan fiction, but for some reason i read that one, and it fucked me up. bad. i had the worst bout of depression and even suicidal thoughts for the first time in a while because of that fic. so, it feels like hussie wanted to recruit some ruthless-ass people to make something to intentionally hurt the people who demanded so much of him for a work he clearly hates now.

i... i think i dont like homestuck anymore, EXCLUSIVELY because of this. it feels like im throwing away one of the biggest parts of myself. it hurts so much, i feel so, SO betrayed. i would rather hussie have just announced he no longer had passion for homestuck, give us a shitty .txt file of a true ending (or the gist of one), and have left it there. but i guess that wouldnt have made him money now that viz bought the franchise.

i think, i will not come back to tumblr. it hurts. i had plenty of reasons for leaving, including everyone dipping out of homestuck. and i have other interests now that just dont align with the tumblr ive made and the followers i have (not like, core shit like lgbt+ rights or anything, im just really into health/fitness and particularly nutrition and i doubt my followers signed up for that plot twist). without homestuck, its even more just a painful past that haunts me here.

thanks for everything, if anyone ever even reads this. it was fun while it lasted.

-Hanna, aka hungoverterezipyrope

#i dont even remember my personal tag anymore...#the sickest thing about all of this is i will might always keep up with homestuck.#if i come back- it will be a completely new account #with no fandoms. just health and fitness and nutrition and shit like that i guess.

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inawickedlittletown · 6 years ago

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Walking The Wire (105/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Four

“Ned told me you knew,” Peter said. He was still in his Spider-Man suit sans mask. He’d taken Michelle up to the roof of the tower which had felt like the right place to go because he knew bringing her inside to the penthouse would bring up more questions. It was kind of cold up there, but Michelle didn’t seem to mind.

“I was going to use that knowledge eventually,” Michelle admitted. “Not sure what for but I guess i was waiting for the right situation. So, you’re Spider-Man.”

Peter nodded and Michelle just stared at him for a while which made Peter feel weird. As if she was trying to figure it all out.

“You know, you could say that Spider-Man is your fursona,” she deadpanned.

Peter shook his head at once. “Nope. Nope. That is not what this is at all. You can shake that thought right now.”

Michelle just smirked at him. “I’m joking. Kind of.”

He gave her a look and she smiled at him. “But seriously, how did that happen?”

Michelle was so calm and just pragmatic in how she asked him anything that Peter didn’t feel the stress that he’d felt when Ned found out. Then again, Michelle had also had time to think on it before.

“Spider bit me,” Peter said.

“Okay and the whole web thing -- is that coming out of you?” Michelle said. “I’ve been wondering.”

Peter shook his head, “No, no. That would be ridiculous.”

“You’re a teenage superhero we’re past ridiculous.”

Peter nodded his head and looked down at his suit. “Yeah, I guess. Ned freaked out when he found out.”

“I bet,” Michelle said and then she reached out to touch the suit. “Whatever it’s made from — seems really durable I guess? I’m guessing Tony Stark made it for you?”

“Yeah.”

“I...this is kind of crazy,” Michelle said. “I mean, The Avengers themselves always felt a bit fantastical but you’re -- you’re Peter and I’ve known you forever and you’re sort of one of them. Anyway, I really just wanted to thank you. All of my books and my phone are in this bag and my mom would have been really mad if I got it stolen.”

“I’m glad I was there,” Peter said.

The sun was going down which cast the sky in a nice orange-yellow, but it also meant that it was getting a bit colder out. Peter wouldn’t really feel it with the suit, but Michelle would.

“So, Tony Stark knows and Ned knows. Does your aunt know? Does anyone else? Did you tell Liz?”

“The rest of the Avengers know too,” Peter said. “May knows and I don’t think she’ll ever be happy about it. I didn’t tell Liz. Turned out her dad was the bad guy in the end so that was probably a good call. That’s it, really.”

Michelle nodded and then, “I’m glad it’s you. I mean, anyone else our age wouldn’t be a hero. Could you imagine if it was Flash? He would be lording it over everyone. He’d be even more insufferable.”

“Oh, god,” Peter said because he could just imagine it. “You’re right. And Ned would just use it to get popular or something. He hated that it was a secret when he first found out. It was hard to keep him from giving me away.”

Michelle laughed at that. “The two of you are such dorks.”

“You’re friends with us,” Peter pointed out.

She smiled. “Guess I am. But, okay, if the web doesn’t come out of you, what is it? I’ve seen you swing on it which means it’s strong and it’s sticky too? Did Stark make it?”

“I made it,” Peter said and he was happy to see how impressed she was because he could tell that Michelle had expected it to have come from Tony. “Took me awhile to get it right and Tony -- he helped to improve it a bit. I built the original web shooters too but the ones on the suit were made by Tony.”

Michelle gave him a long look. “You call him Tony,” she said. “I guess you’re close, then? I sort of figured considering the ferry thing and the night of the dance.”

“He’s my mentor,” Peter said and he was glad that it didn’t come out like too much of a lie. Peter just -- he didn’t want her to know about Tony being his dad quite yet. It was enough that Ned knew.

“The internship,” Michelle said.

“I’m glad you know,” Peter said. “Ned gets a little too excited. He doesn’t realize what this is all about sometimes and maybe it might be good for him to have someone else to discuss it with.”

“Or you,” Michelle said. “I mean, who else do you have to talk to other than Ned and a bunch of superheroes if your aunt isn’t actually supportive of your activities?”

“I have Karen,” Peter said.

“Who is Karen?”

“My AI. Well, she’s in the suit and in my phone.”

Michelle hummed in response, but she shook head. “Right, so another of Tony Stark’s creations.”

She shivered as a gust of wind hit them and Peter motioned for her to go inside, lightly touching her arm to lead her in and Michelle turned back to look at him and smiled at him.

Wakanda was the same as the last time that Tony had seen it. T’Challa was unavailable to greet them since he was in some kind of meeting, so Shuri did instead and she immediately began to ask Tony questions about his work on Steve’s shield.

“He can show you himself. We brought it with us,” Tony told her and then with a grin shot at Steve: “He can also show you the ring.”

At that, Shuri made an excited noise and she swung her attention towards Steve. She demanded to see it and Tony laughed at the surprise on Steve’s face except that he also seemed quite pleased about it.

“In fact,” Tony added, “why don’t you and Steve look at the shield while I go find Barnes.”

Steve knew better than to ask to go with him since Tony had made it clear that he wanted to do this on his own. It was important. Tony had never been one to go forth and face his demons -- not when he could find a reason to avoid them -- but this one was one that he needed to. For one thing, the man was his future husband’s best friend and for another he was an innocent man that had been tortured and used and Tony needed to forgive him. But for that, they had to talk. Tony needed to see him with his own eyes and finally meet James Buchanan Barnes.

“Okay,” Steve said.

Shuri grabbed him someone to lead him to Barnes and then dragged Steve away probably towards her lab. Tony had known he could count on Shuri.

Barnes was apparently staying in a hut a small walk away from the palace and he seemed to be happily assimilating to life in Wakanda. When Tony and his guide came upon him he was actually in the middle of playing with some boys and girls.

“Thanks,” Tony said to his guide. “I’ll head over on my own.”

Tony didn’t move forward at once and instead just watched for a while. It was kind of surprising that Barnes hadn’t realized he was being watched for one and for another -- well, he seemed different from the man that Tony had seen in that bunker in Siberia. He was more like the man that Steve had described to him from back in the 40s. Barnes was smiling and laughing and he seemed to be at peace. Barnes was still down to one arm and Tony felt a modicum of guilt because he’d been the one to blow the other one off and because he had also never offered to get him a replacement. Granted, despite his prosthetic division, Steve had never asked. Maybe he thought that Tony wouldn’t want to give Barnes an arm. Or maybe Shuri was already making him one.

After a moment, Tony moved closer and he coughed in order to give Barnes some warning, but as he had moved closer, Tony had noticed that Barnes tensed up some and he’d realized someone was approaching. Barnes looked up and the kids paused in the middle of their game and then after a nod from Barnes just left with quick goodbyes. One little girl hugged Barnes before she scampered off.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” Barnes said and he sounded careful. “I saw the jet come in but I didn’t think it was--”

“Yeah,” Tony said, “I’m kind of the last person you probably expected to come looking for you.”

“Well not the last but yeah,” Barnes said. He tilted his head and Tony could tell that he was trying to get a read on the situation. After a moment he said, “Congratulations, by the way. I heard you put a ring on it.”

Tony laughed. “So you listen to Beyonce.”

“Sometimes. I think between me and Steve I was always going to be the one more suited to the future. I bet he still doesn’t really listen to anything current.”

Now that Tony thought about it, despite how much Steve read and watched and had caught up on about the world, music was one of those things that he never really spoke about. Tony knew he’d checked out famous and important parts of music history but modern music didn’t give him much interest.

“I guess he doesn’t,” Tony said.

It was surprising, how it actually wasn’t all that hard to talk to Barnes. Maybe it was the easy topics and that they were talking about Steve and not all the hard stuff that Tony had actually gone to the trouble of flying to Wakanda for.

“That’ll make it easier to pick a song to dance to at the wedding,” Barnes said.

Tony laughed, a little surprised at the comment. “I hadn’t even considered that we’d have to dance,” he said.

“He doesn’t know how,” Barnes said. “It was one of those stubborn Steve things. He wanted the right dance partner and no one was ever interested. Not until Peggy and with the war they never really got anywhere.”

“Sounds like him,” Tony said and then, “I came to clear the air. In light of the engagement and mostly everything else. Steve filled you in, right? Ross and everything he’s doing. I want -- I’ve tried my best to move past it all and I have. I really have. You didn’t have a choice and everything that happened to you was terrible. And still, I won’t ever forget that video and what The Winter Soldier did even if it wasn’t really you.”

Bucky looked taken aback at Tony’s words. “I -- I feel guilty all the same. Not as much as I used to but it’s there and I can’t change anything that I did when I was the Winter Soldier but I want to. I wish I could.”

“Steve doesn’t get that.The guilt, I mean” Tony said. “I do. They called me The Merchant of Death for a long time but I didn’t care because my focus was on the engineering and on the construction of newer and faster and it wasn’t just the double dealing because that was one thing that was done without my knowing -- I still made weapons and created bombs and missiles and so much else with the knowledge that all of it would be used to kill people. I allowed my creations to kill people and it shouldn’t have mattered that we were at war. Of course, it was all made worse when I found out everything I built was being used on both sides. So, I get it, Barnes, I really do. You know, I’ve just been making up for it since I stopped weapon manufacturing in a way and it was a long time before I truly felt like I could move past it. I think the start for you is to get better and live your life and make your own choices now that you can and you’re not in danger of becoming The Winter Soldier anymore.”

Tony hadn’t realized how alike they were. He hadn’t thought about it much because it had been easier to not consider those parts of Barnes and realize that they had both been held and tortured and that they had both done horrible things. Barnes had had it worse. Tortured and brainwashed for decades. Kept frozen when he wasn’t needed. It was horrible.

“I want to clear your name,” Tony said. “Ross has been trying to make it impossible for you to ever come back. He wants to hold you accountable for everything Hydra ever made you do. Probably his attempts at getting you and study the serum.”

“Yeah. I’ve seen the news,” Barnes said.

“Well, I’m going to clear your name, Barnes,” Tony said and then because he had to he reached out his hand and Barnes didn’t hesitate to take it. “We’re good, okay? I -- I didn’t react well in Siberia which we can both blame on Steve’s attempts at protecting me. Backfired on all of us.”

Barnes took back his hand and he grinned. “Nobody said Steve was smart.”

Tony shook his head. “He’s not smart when it comes to protecting those he loves. And you’re the last piece of his family left. I do get it -- I’ve been alone for most of my life and I don’t think that I could ever get in the way of your friendship. You’re going to be his best man and I’ll need to find a way to get you to New York for the wedding. Steve also told me that you really supported me and Steve. So, it’s only right that the two of us be on good terms.”

Barnes grinned and Tony knew that he would still need to get to know the man to really get over everything -- so that every time he looked at him he could purge “killed mom” from his brain and associate him with something else, but it was already becoming easier because this man was nothing like The Winter Soldier and Tony truly did believe he was good and Tony intended to help him.

Chapter One Hundred Six

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

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lasiiurus-archived · 8 years ago

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thank you !

^^ dis gif isn't mine. but that's totally my face.

Here it is! This is my big dumb 'thank-you' post that I've been meaning to write. So if you weren't aware, I've actually closed this blog (aside from some random posts about Logan and a Batman Podcast - you should listen to it) due to some major, major problems with the DC fandom that I find toxic and quite frankly disgusting. But das stuff that sadly I can't change so I'm doing what's best for me and getting my ass outta here before my love for Batman is forever ruined by blind and immature fanboys.

i started writing bryce around about 2015. My first blog was called surgitisms but I changed it because someone made some burnbook callout about me copying someones url (I had no idea that blog existed rofl - surgit is latin for 'rise'). I then moved to rageinyourbones (shoutouts to joseph gordon levitt) where i spent most of my time, developing this character that wasn't even my idea - it was just a passing remark from a lovely actress by the name of Natalie Dormer. now as you're aware (and as i continually apologize for) i fucked up on that blog, and i've done my best to reach out and make amends with the people i offended (and they were super gracious and accepted my apology). but that negative bollocks aside, i grew up so much on that blog. i learned some amazing things about myself, i learned some bad things about myself, and most importantly i created a character that i personally believe is different to bruce wayne. i ended up headcannoning late at night, thinking about how she would act differently to bruce, about how she would interact with certain characters etc etc etc.

but what really made all the difference was the people i met.

you guys are fucking amazing. i mean lets be real - the tumblr rp community can be fucked sometimes. we've all seen it, but what i love is that we tend to (80% of the time) treat each other as real human beings and see that what we're really here for is just the love of these dumb fictional characters. they give us a break from the savagery of life and its endless woes. i am so, so so grateful and so so so blessed to have known the people i have on here. people whom i met on rageinyourbones and followed me across to here, and people whom i met here. holy bollocks im rambling - im just gonna tag some specific people who really really made my life on here so enjoyable. the rest i'll just lump into one big post because i'm lazy like that.

@fracturedportrait - harmony. i remember meeting you the first time. i remember it so clearly. you were so chill, so spunky (god i feel old using that word), and you had such a passion for your oc. i remember the first plot we had, the inspiration we shared... who knew that it was the beginning of my greatest friendship and my #1 OTP for bryce. you were the first person whom i ever actually spoke to off tumblr (remember when i called you?? and you heard my dumb aussie accent??). i remember legitimately getting teary over memes, i remember smiling so much during our threads, i remember (and still do) laugh about us talking about how our sin is like a lovely vintage of wine. your writing consistently, unimaginably, pushes and has pushed me to better mine. with every post you made, you helped improve my writing. you are such a blessing to me and i am not going to just let this stay as some dumb tumblr friendship. we'll face time, and i'll be sure to credit you when i'm on the red carpet with natalie dormer being like 'so what made you want to write this film about a female batman?'. i'll just be like 'yo there was this really cool chick who wrote a vampire and she told me to just write this film'.

@halysborn - SWAN. ho man. do you remember when i wrote that giant meta about how dick literally changed not just bryce's life, but bruce's? i firmly believe that dick is the most important character in bruce's life. and i mean i'm talking on the same level as alfred - even more. he's the TRUE son. the son whom saved him. like i just cry about how bruce says that line - 'sometimes i think i've never done any good in my life. then i look at dick and realize i'm wrong' or whatever that actual phrase is. i PHYSICALLY VOM WHEN PEOPLE SHIP THEM. but yo that's other stuff. what's important is that you have supported me selflessly and without strings. you've supported me here, you've supported me over on deshibcsara, you've just been a consistent rock, an unyielding foundation of encouragement. i still, and will NEVER delete that voice recording where you talk about me and my love for batman. it gives me such hope and reminds me that, yeah i fuck up, but i've at least affected someone else's life and how they see batman. my only regret is that i was so goddamn slow with replying to our stuff. and that was literally because i felt like you deserved nothing but my absolute best. you are incredible, and from one aussie to another, i love you brocookie!

@femmekill - could u pls stop spamming my facebook wall with memes?? SIKE I LIED. I FUCKING LOVE IT. my mum literally asked me the other night 'who is -insert your real name-?' and i was like 'oh thats my wife' and she was like '???' and i just said 'dont even BOTHER trying to understand'. you have been nothing but optimistic about me. you consistently, relentlessly see the good in me. i dont think there's ever been a time where like i've felt wronged by you? or at the very least felt like i was a burden to you? you never fail to spread positivity. even when you were feeling like shit and i tried to cheer you up, it's like you turned it on me and were like 'nah gus you're not cheering me up IM CHEERING YOU UP - thats how it works'. im so fucking whipped by you, because you're just such a blessing to my life. the day we shared FB's was like the day i realized 'WELP IM IN THIS MARRIAGE FOR LIFE NOW'. when it comes to your writing - i'm just breathless. the tumblr rp fandom does not deserve you. keep doing your thing man - don't ever let douchebag anons change that.

@marblebelow - I SINCERELY HOPE YOU STILL HAVE THE RECORDING OF ME SINGING 'THE CONFRONTATION'. especially with the 'DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN'. that shit is lit. yo but mikel really. the days of us writing together - writing fisk/bryce and then writing jim/bryce... i value it so much. you've taught me to pursue every little nuance in bryce's character. and i mean that - you ask me tiny little questions, and holy crap i end up going into a massive internal investigation. and worst of all (or best??) you jsut lavish me with genuine, kind words. i regret that we didnt get to write much more (both of us having major stress/overwhelmed issues), but dude, like, never stop being you - you have such overwhelming, unimaginable depths of creativity. even if you don't realize it, or feel like you don't, believe me - you do. it sounds like -- errr.... arrogant? but ive spent the last six years studying writing/fiction/film and just immersing myself in it so i feel like i have SOME credibility - you really really do have a gift.

@ivyworn - 'yes hello i'd like to report a murder? the victim is ME' aka this is what happens whenever we talk. so we never actually got to do much writing, but honestly? i literally feel like we did writing in the SPIRIT with all of our tumblr IMs and just the amount of shit talking we did. PUMA. LEST WE FORGET. PUMA. no but real talk, i was supposed to send you a birthday gift aka im still gonna get my ass onto paypal and do that SO DONT YOU LEAVE YOUR BLOG. AND YOU CANNOT SAY NO. i've never met anyone whom has such an in-depth love and understanding for ivy. i remember chatting about Cast Shadows with you and the level of complexitity between Batman and Ivy. i mentioned this but Batman/Ivy is literally my OTP for Bruce. i just think it is such an interesting avenue that no writer (post Cast Shadows) has explored. whenever we spoke, i had such a smile on my face, i cannot even begin to desribe it. i really really hope life goes well for you and treats you with the care and respect you DESERVE.

@psyclownsis @scarestress tags both blogs bc i have no idea where you are these days. so i already recorded that voice meme thing talking about you piri - but i literally just want to further express my admiration and gratitude for you. you've stuck by me, you've pulled me aside and been like 'oi gus you're being a douche stop it', and you've just supported me and taken such an interest in this dumb character i write that literally just blows me away. the fact that we barely write but i still feel so close to you and so valued by you is just a testament to the power of tumblr rp friendships. we don't NEED to write together to be friends and to respect and admire each other. AND LORD KNOWS i admire you. i admire your dedication, i admire your 'idgaf' attitude. and honestly i just admire your unrelenting loyalty to people.

because i've literally written an essay - the rest of these tags are people that i admire and love, even if we haven't had much chance to interact.

#long post for ts #im gonna turn anon on just for these last few days #just in case you wanted to share something and you were like 'nah dont wanna do it publicly'#but yo if you send douchey stuff im just gonna brush you off because i aint got time for dat #anyways I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS

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science-b0y · 8 years ago

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All the evens! >:D

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

i am quite shy actually lol

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i’d like to think so!

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

well usually people who i fine cute, personality wise too. but if were talking about like, interests and stuff, id say i go for the nerdy one lol

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

um…well 2 people cause im currently texting both lol

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

um the 2 people i text often lol

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

shit man…i dont even know. probably some nicole dollaganger lol

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

id like to….

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

yes actually…

20. Do you like your neighbors?

eh….

22. Where would you like to travel?

oh a lot of place! id like to travel the world on day :)

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

crying to sad songs lol

26. What do you do when you wake up?

cry. then pee, then brush my teeth and lay back in bed lol

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

probably my one friend, aaqib. i literally talk to him about my poops, but i have someone very close to i talk about emotional problems so id say a tie

30. Do you ever want to get married?

id like to!

(but i doubt anyone wants to lol)

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

um…the guy that plays Aragorn and natalie dormer 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to do horseback riding and rugby, but no longer….rip

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

YES OMG.

me right now

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

cute and will love me regardless of my mental illnesses.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i really dont know…death seems like a good options

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?im probably having a mental breakdown or its not me

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space!

46. What are you paranoid about?

people hating me for my mental illnesses and loosing the few close people to me

48. Have you ever been drunk?

the better question, is when am i not?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

gray and black

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

my weight or my DID (rather everything but)

54. Favourite store?

torrid?

56. Favourite colour?

black or green

58. Last thing you ate?

nutella…

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

pie eating, ive gotten first place! (that explains why im so fat tho)

62. Been arrested? For what?

lets just say someone made up a fake charge against me and i might still want them dead :))))))

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

FUCK. well i mean, i probably sucked ass because i (still dont) know how to kiss, but my heart was racing and ultimately i enjoyed it…. and rip because the person might read this so :)))))

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i have 4 irl friends and 3 tumblr ones so….i think im just happy to have all of them lol

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

i dont even have a twitter

70. Names of your bestfriends?

uh…idk what if they want me to tag them, but y’all know who you are (people who dont have a tumblr, ben and aaqib)

72. What colour are your towels?

purple~

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i have one…

75. Favourite animal?

hmm…i love too many animals to name one! (but ill go with wolves lol)

76. What colour is your underwear?

um….im…not wearing…any…right….now……

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP. ALL Y’aLL HATERS CAN FIGHT ME.

80. What colour pants?

………..i feel personally attacked but none right now, i have a big shirt and a sweater

82. Favourite movie?

hmmmm probably princess mononoke

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

sorry i don’t really like either….

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

that starfish lol

88. Last person you talked to today?

ummmmmm…idk cause i just said brb so we still chatting??

90. Name a person you love?

i love our lord and savior Raphael

92. In a fight with someone?

nah, but ill kick some ass if i need to

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

around 3-4

96. Favourite actress?

Rupaul

98. Do you tan a lot?

HAHAHAHAHA. i burn. so bad :))))

100. How are you feeling?

im sick (and suicidal)

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

everything up until 4 seconds ago

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes, actually. i do. but whatever, theyre never coming back.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i mean …i dont think so?

108. What should you be doing?

dying

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

when havent i? lol

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

um…probably aaqib lol i dont cry infront of many people often lol

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes but not very far

116. Are you listening to music right now?

shell yea dude

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yessss

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

nope!

122. Is cheating ever okay?

never. BUT i do support open relationships/poly so as long as everyone in the relationship is ok with it, you do you

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

possibly…

126. Are you currently bored?

yes.

128. Would you change your name?

maybe…maybe to like, Drathadrious, ruler of the void.

130. Do you like subway?

ive actually never eaten there :0

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?….you know who are.

134. Can you count to one million?

if i really wanted to…

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

138. Curly or Straight hair?

does wavy count?

140. Summer or Winter?

winter!

142. Favourite month?

november, my bday monthi

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

shit i love chocolate, i dont pick faves

146. Was today a good day?

well i didnt die yet so.…maybe?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

in the wise words of Rick Sanchez, “get riggity riggity wreacked, son!”

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first linei just have a box of cheese itz….

3 notes · View notes

catravandece · 4 years ago

Text

🐇 Check-in tag 🐇

Doing this because @joshua-beeking put it out to the universe and I am ~a whore for being known~

1. Why did you choose your url?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rmBqIFeHN8 i was living in montreal at the time so this was extra funny

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

@pommelfrog is my mxtx sideblog which i started bc i just absolutely couldn’t get over that fucking hilarious dream @deretbeshelar posted abt and had to claim the url

it’s ironic tho bc i actually don’t care so much for frogs? they feel like squishy fragile little water balloons so i always hesitate when handling them but then they leap with the force of a coursing river and scare me :(

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

i started my first blog is 2011 and boy howdy im kinda glad i accidentally deleted it in 2018 bc i went through some Phases i’d very much like to be stricken from all records. im sad abt my merlin tag tho

4. Do you have a queue tag?

lmao i dont have enough followers to care about posting schedules o(*￣▽￣*)o

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

internet addiction probably (to be fair i dont have the money to socialize outside)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

im a slut for making myself on picrew and its pride so i switched to one with a rainbow :3

7. Why did you choose your header?

because the absolute last thing i was expecting from the 1000 Stars finale was for Chief Phupha Viriyanon to be just as clingy and shameless as Tian but it happened and i never recovered

the header photo i always have a hard time choosing bc i want everything to match so i have my sweet noodle ningning bc black matches everything uwu

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

good lord i have like zero real followers but the one time i actually factually shitposted in the modao tag it took off. everyone else apparently also thinks dad!zixuan would have been the most powerful character of mdzs so mxtx had to fridge him

honestly i was just trying to express my desire for a non-time travel related fix it fic 〒▽〒

9. How many mutuals do you have?

10. How many followers do you have?

11. How many people do you follow?

108? idk how many are dead accounts

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

my life is a shitpost and i am the meme

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

pretty often

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

i made the mistake of trying to engage with an aphobe over yuri on ice once and she made me cry.

i then gave my best friend a heart attack bc i called them and didnt explain right away what happened i just said “i did something dumb”. sorry manda /_ \

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Guilt-tripping and forcing anyone to do anything is the best way to turn people off a post. I don't approve the method. (Joshua said it best)

16. Do you like tag games?

yes i like tag games. would love to be tagged in them

17. Do you like ask games?

^^^^^^^^^^^^

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i know for a fact @wifihunters is yall should go check out bestie’s stuff owo its fucking beautiful owo

and HEY FUN STORY. so i was rly into barduil back in 2013-14 and read a bunch of fics by @piyo-13 (hi iza yes u r getting dragged into this <3) then 3 years later and 500 miles away from home guess who i find out is the fiancee of my friend from grad school????? it was the funniest fucking thing i swear to god!!! we decided “i trust u enough to give u my fandom presence” and i was like “hey that username sounds familiar” and SURE ENOUGH asjhsdjkd

the world is a very small place lmao

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah im way too small for ppl to interact with much and i need that for feelings. i did get a friend crush on someone once before but we weren’t mutuals just both in the same microfandom.

20. Tags?

anyone who ive already tagged above lmao. if u see this and get the urge to be Known pls do it and tag me!!!! i would love to read about u!!!

#it speaks #tag memes #nothing to say in the tags for once just vibin uwu

5 notes · View notes

6gpymfzi-blog · 5 years ago

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lilixbetty-blog · 6 years ago

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Chapter 4 part 2 (pg9-11)

He shifts uncomfortably and puts his hand out to me. ‘It was a pleasure to meet you.’

‘Do you think there will be sparks?’ he asks quietly.

My eyes widen. I know there will be sparks because I’ve felt them already. His mocking injects some bravery into me and my petite hand lifts to meet his. And there they are again. Sparks. Not electricity firing off all over the cafe, causing us both to gasp or jump back in shock, but there’s something there, and instead of firing outward, it’s shooting inward, ricocheting all over my body, making my heart beat faster and my lips part. I don’t want to let go, but he flexes his palm, prompting me to release him.

Then he turns and strides out, without another word or look to suggest that he felt something too. Did he? What was that? Who is he? My palms rise to my cheeks and I rub furiously, trying to scrub some sensibility into me. I’m way too intrigued by him, and no amount of sightseeing or quilting with my grandmother is going to distract me from where my thoughts are wandering to, not after that brief but enlightening conversation. I’m getting into unknown territory – dangerous territory. After my years of avoiding all men, even the decent ones, I’m finding myself encouraging one who looks like he should definitely be left alone.

There’s a pull, though – a very powerful pull.

I’ve been away with the fairies all week. Every time the cafe door swings open, I look for him. But he’s never there. A dozen men over the last four days have asked me my name, my number, or they’ve told me what stunning eyes I have. And each one I’ve wished could be Jughead.

I’ve been busy churning out perfect coffee after perfect coffee, and I even waitressed at another posh function for Pop on Tuesday, hoping he’d be there. He wasn’t.

I’ve always tried to keep my life simple, but now I’m craving a complication – a tall, dark-haired, mysterious complication.

It’s Saturday, and Kevin has humoured me, tagging along for a walk through the Royal Parks. He knows there is something on my mind. He kicks a pile of leaves as we traipse down the middle of Green Park, towards Buckingham Palace. He wants to ask, and I know he won’t hold out for much longer. He’s made all of the conversation, while I’ve returned one-word answers. I’m not going to get away with it for much longer. I’m clearly absent in mind, and I could probably muster up the energy to feign my normal self, but I don’t think I want to. I think I want Kevin to press me so I can share Jughead with him.

‘I’ve met someone.’ The words fall from my mouth, breaking the comfortable silence between us. He looks shocked, which is okay because I’m quite shocked, too.

‘Who?’ he asks, pulling me to a stop.

‘I don’t know.’ I shrug, lowering my bum to the grass and picking at some of the blades. ‘He turned up at the cafe a few times and also at a gala ball where I waitressed.’

Kevin joins me, his handsome face morphing into a big grin. ‘Betty Cooper has been affected by a man?’

‘Yes, Betty Cooper has most definitely been affected by a man.’ It feels like such a relief to share my burden. ‘I can’t stop thinking about him,’ I admit.

‘Ah!’ Kevin throws his arms in the air. ‘Is he hot?’

‘Stupidly.’ I smile. ‘He has the most amazing eyes. As blue as the sky.’

‘I want to know everything,’ Kevin declares.

‘There’s nothing more to tell.’

‘Well, what did he say?’

‘He asked if I was involved with anyone.’ I try to sound casual, but I know what’s coming.

His eyes widen as he leans forward. ‘And you said?’

‘No.’

‘It’s happened!’ he sings. ‘Thank the fucking Lord, it’s finally happened!’

‘Kevin!’ I scold him, but I can’t help laughing too. He’s right; it has happened, and it’s happened hard.

‘Oh, Betty.’ He sits up straight, looking all serious. ‘You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this. I need to see him.’

I scoff, pushing my hair over my shoulder. ‘Well, that’s unlikely. He appears quickly and disappears faster.’

‘How old?’ The excitement on Kevin’s face is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I’ve made his day – probably his month, or even his year. He’s tried relentlessly to drag me out to bars, even willing to make them straight bars if it means I’ll tag along. Kevin has been in my life for eight years, just eight, although it could be forever. The ‘it’ boy at school, all of the girls swooned over him and he dated them all, but he had a little secret – a secret that saw him ostracised once it was discovered. The cool kid was gay. Or eighty per cent gay, as Kevin has always claimed. Finding him behind the bike sheds, beaten to a pulp by some of the college kids, was the beginning of our friendship.

‘I’m guessing late-twenties, but he seems older. You know, very mature. He always wears very expensive-looking suits.’

‘Perfect.’ He rubs his hands together. ‘Name?’

‘J.J,’ I say quietly.

‘“J.J”?’ Kevin’s face screws up into a disapproving frown. ‘Who is he? James Bond’s boss?’

A burst of laughter flies from my mouth, and I giggle to myself while my friend looks on, waiting for confirmation that my muse has a proper name. ‘He signed with J.J’

‘Signed?’ His confusion deepens, as does his scowl. I’m not sure if I should divulge this part.

‘He didn’t like my coffee and chose to let me know by writing it on a napkin. He signed it J.J, but I’ve since found out that his name is Jughead.’

‘Oooohhh, sexy but unique! But the cheek!’ He’s shocked, displaying a similar reaction to what I did, but then his face straightens and he narrows his eyes on me. ‘And how did that make you feel?’

‘Inadequate.’ I say the word without thought, and I don’t stop there. ‘Stupid, angry, irritated.’

Kevin’s smiling now. ‘He drew a reaction?’ he asks. ‘You got a little mad?’

‘Yes!’ I breathe, completely exasperated. ‘I was really pissed off.’

‘Oh my God! I already love him.’ He stands and puts his hand out to pull me up. ‘I bet he’s completely taken by you, like most men on God’s green earth.’

Accepting his offer, I let him pull me to my feet. ‘They’re not.’ I sigh, reflecting on the brief words that we exchanged; on one line in particular: I’m quite fascinated by you, as well.

Does fascinated equal attracted?

‘Trust me, they are.’

I’m suddenly eager to spit it all out and see what Kevin makes of it. ‘I was a millimetre away from his lips.’

Kevin inhales sharply. ‘What do you mean?’ His back straightens, and he narrows his eyes on me. ‘Did you bottle it?’

‘No, I was the one pushing it.’ I’m not even ashamed. ‘He said he couldn’t and left me in the ladies’ feeling like a desperate idiot.’

‘Were you mad?’

‘Furious.’

‘Yes!’ His hands slap together, and I’m yanked into his embrace. ‘This is good. Tell me more.’

I spill the whole thing – the dropped champagne, Jughead’s ‘business associate’, the way he approached me afterwards just to warn me off.

When I’m done, Kevin hums thoughtfully. It’s not the reaction I was expecting or that I wanted. ‘He’s a player. Not the right man for you, Betty. Forget about him.’

#chapter 4

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love-transparentstudentarca-blog · 7 years ago

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why has the affordable care act helped health insurance

"why has the affordable care act helped health insurance

why has the affordable care act helped health insurance

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