#i dont think ive been this stressed in a long time. i barely slept yesterday

[mxwhore]

they just called me (20 mins before my appoiment, while i was on my way to the clinic) to let me know my dentist is out of sick leave and we dont know when she'll return, soooorry.

[transitioningpirate]

today - 03/11 - dates exactly one month since i've started t!!!!! i'm so happy and honestly so pleased with everything. i had a bit of a bad month (got sick, had a bit of a falling out with someone and then i got sick again) but seeing the effects it's had on me already makes me honestly so happy. and thinking about what's to come makes me so much happier!! it's been a while since i realized i actually was feeling excited for the long term future. it's amazing.

here's some of the changes i noticed:

same as the last list - hunger and thirst have increased a lot. the doctor says it's because of my metabolism, it's much faster now. this is good but also bad because i keep forgetting to drink water. this is something that i've always struggled with. before this week, i've already ended up in a hospital because of dehydration like three times. anyways, i used to live in an island, very used to humidity, and this year, for college, i moved to a town that's, like, over an hour away from the nearest beach. it's very very dry. and like i said before, in november we were hit by a terrible heat wave, and it all piled up: fast metabolism, heat wave, dry place, me forgetting to drink water frequently, and you guessed it: i ended up at the hospital yesterday :(. had to take some pain meds and some saline, but im totally fine now, and ill make sure it doesn't happen again!

so much more energy. i know i said this already, but it's crazy, seriously, i have so much more energy just in general, for everything. it's amazing. ive been sleeping better, eating better, working harder, studying more, it's crazy. my mood has increased a lot, too, actually, especially after my second t shot.

irritability, but i think this has more to do with my personal life. a bit of tmi here: i was seeing someone until not long ago but some not-very-nice stuff happened, and i asked for a break (with no intention of returning, mind you, despite what he so confidently claimed) and immediately after realized i very likely had an sdt for the first time in my whole life. for the record, this is the only person ive slept with this whole year, basically. so. yeah, i was stressed, you can say that. spent a bit of money on meds, and im already feeling much much better, but it definitely took me down for a couple days, emotionally and physically, and i honestly think my irritability came from that, but maybe t had a hand on it too? who knows

two friends of mine claimed im growing a moustache, but i dont think so yet. i already had a very thin very small moustache before, and maybe it's getting a bit thicker? i haven't noticed it personally except in one (01) picture i took with a weird lightning. im not sure... but i like to think so! maybe it's just starting to get thicker and it'll actually grow eventually!

acne. i bought a soap for my face specifically, and i use it everyday, sometimes twice a day, so it's not as bad as it could be, but it's definitely present. mostly in my forehead and my chin. it's easily taken care of, though, and doesn't hurt and barely shows, so it's whatever

my voice has definitely gotten deeper! not significantly so, but it definitely has, it's noticeable, and i love it so much. i love listening my own voice. i love listening to myself talk. i love it, love it love it love it so much. i record so much more audios on wpp now, i like hearing them back, i like hearing myself!!!!! it's the best. ive never felt this way about my voice before. im so happyyyy <3<3

it's so hooooot god i feel hot almost all of the time, everywhere it's warm and i sweat sooooo much. doubled my deodorant use and i have no regrets. it's not a bad thing, but it is mildly inconvenient sometimes, ngl. living in this hot as all hell town definitely doesn't help. ive wore more light and freeing clothes and it actually helps a lot, though. plus, my baby cousin's birthday this month will be a pool party, so im hella excited for that!!!!!!

if i can think of anything else, ill add onto this. thank you so much :3

[thefinalwitness]

i slept all day and im still severely hurty but i think. we're getting there. o|–< im including a readmore to catch up new ppl who are curious bc ive found being open about my chronic pain has helped inform others to their own so!!!! i like sharing

i've had a gradually worsening chronic illness since 2019-2020—it's hard to say for sure when it started, but my physically demanding job at a retail store slowly went from perfectly doable to 'i cant even survive a four hour shift without multiple episodes of hiding in the bathroom just to let some of the pain subside'.

i ultimately had to quit that job in early 2021, and at the time had a writing job that i thought, surely this will be okay! i was wrong. it was so hard to work as consistently as was needed of me. i spent so much time just writing and then sleeping so i might recover fast enough to do more writing. i was ALWAYS late on deadlines no matter how hard i tried.

eventually that job closed down in general, so naturally i lost it, but i know in my heart i would have had to quit within 6 months otherwise. that was late 2021. i've been unemployed since, with no disability because despite ongoing, regular visits with doctors, we dont know WHATS wrong with me, therefore i do not have a diagnosis, therefore i cannot qualify for disability in my area. yippee!

so that's the backstory! i started pain meds last fall and theyve helped A LOT. i can have fun sometimes! i went to pride this year for the first time since 2019!! there's definitely still something wrong, and lately i do believe it's still worsening (at a slower rate than before i was getting treatment at all), but i've gotten through a lot of the guilt for being 'an unemployed, unproductive human being' and have learned how to be kinder and patient with myself. it's not my fault i'm sick. it's not my fault 'my best' doesn't look like other people's. my family loves me not for what i can do for them, but because they just love me.

it's hard to feel your ability to Do Things slip away. how i cant go to amusement parks anymore bc the trip would wipe my ass out for weeks. how i cant even go to a barbecue next door some days bc everything just hurts too much. the simultaneous RESILIENCE you build, the tolerance for your own pain that makes you second-guess if it's even real. it took me so long to realize what i was feeling was NOT normal, that most people don't have to RATION their activities, their chores, their BASIC HUMAN MAINTENANCE to make sure you don't screw yourself over for tomorrow by being in too much pain to move.

today was bad. i had a really stressful day yesterday, and woke up in so much pain it was literally all i could do to sleep. couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't sit up, could BARELY speak. it was like my body was screaming at me, "we should be in a COMA right now, we should be UNCONSCIOUS, this is not something humans were designed to consciously endure." and that's WITH 6+ months medical pain management. it genuinely scares me imagining what this would've felt like today if i WASN'T on my meds.

i'm still very in the woods, but i'm trying to make the most of my situation! i'm open to questions if you want to learn more about this, as one of the biggest things that made me realize i needed help was OTHER PEOPLE being open about their chronic condition. it's not pretty, by any means, i've left out the grossest realities here, but i think it's important to share, in case i can do for someone what those people did for me.

thanks for reading!!!! i appreciate being heard on this too. it's scary, i still worry people will think i'm lazy or a crybaby, so it means a lot when people take the time to try and understand.

<3

[weiqiankun-blog]

beauty you hold.

female reader x mark lee 

pretty frickin soft 

my first piece of writing so i do hope you enjoy reading it 

3k ish

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'll admit, working at a coffee shop had it's quirks but there were just sometimes when all you wanted to do was go home and just sleep cause after all you were an exhausted college student and lets just say times were...tough sometimes. You've been working at your local coffee shop for awhile now and youve made friends with the other workers keeping in mind that theyre all quite older than you but atleast you have one close friend who works with you, this of course being one of your bestfriend's yuta. When you first met yuta, you kinda thought he was a pushover and a bit too bossy (or atleats thats what you said to him when you were explaining why you didnt approach him when you guys first met but actually it was only cause you were too scared). But ANYWAY, you were first to start working at the coffee shop, its name being 'Euphoria Cafe' and once you saw the help wanted sign through the window you were probably the first to apply cause you loved that place. Need a place to study? Euphoria, Need a place to relax? Euphoria, Need a place to sometimes see a few cute boys from time to time?... Euphoria (hotel?trivago (sorry i just had to)) so yeah. you got the job obviously and it was difficult at first to get used to how to use all the machines and everything but eventually you got the hang of it. And this is when your (not yet) best friend yuta comes waltzing in as the newly hired worker and you were kinda nervous cause yeah sure you're good with making friends but that doesn’t change that fact that you're terrified of embarrassing yourself especially in front of someone you found intimating.

So your first day together was awkward to say the least, there were many glances on both ends and all you guys said to each other were hi's, sorry's, here ya go's, and bye's when you guys left eventually. The next day it was like something snapped inside of you and you were having a really good day and you were just happy for ledgit no reason but when you're in moods like this, you kind of forget how to act around people or not forget but it's just a lot more free? So when you come into work you see yuta just getting in as well, and out of nowhere you just shouted, " hey yuta!!! how's your day been, excited for work?!" and the shock on his face was priceless and he just turned around and said, "oh, hey y/n, its been good and yeah i guess you could say i am", and to be honest you were kinda surprised he knew your name cause you guys literally never talked before yesterday and today was the first actual conversation you guys were having so naturally you asked, " oh woah, you know my name?", " well yeah, you know my name so...", "good point good point". And that was the start of a beautiful friendship, you guys grew really close and pretty fast and what surprised you the most was how jokingly flirtatious he got and it was definitely a joke cause at this point in your friendship you guys have seen TOO MUCH (dont be weird not like that) of each other to catch any feelings. You guys came to work together almost every day with him basically clinging onto you cause he needs affection and you obviously giving him it cause um who could resist. So yeah life was nice other than the crazy amount of work you had to do for college but OTHER THAN THAT just great :(.

Well anyway (yes this is a mark fluff just waittt) after  few months of working there another employee joined and you recognized him almost instantly, he was in almost all of your classes but you guys barely talked, actually you guys only talked when you were forced to (partnered up and stuff). He wasnt in your shift but you always saw him leaving when you and yuta coming in. Eventually, mid-term break came along and yeah you were excited as hell but yuta was leaving to back to his hometown in japan so you would be pretty lonely. But then... you come into work one day not really being aware of your surroundings because you were too absorbed in your music but then when you walk in you see mark behind the counter not looking ready to leave at all so you said, "oh hi mark" (get the reference?) clear confusion coming out with your words and mark acknowledged it so he replied, " hey y/n, oh i asked if i could change my shift time because this works better for me so youll be seeing me for a while haha", " oh okay then i look forward to working with you", you say while nodding your head slightly. so mark right, you always liked him, not like crush sense but you thought he was cool you guess, and theres no denying that he was pretty cute but you never even had the idea of liking him until one day. So you come into work and suprisingly mark's not there he was usually early but you just thought oh he probably had something to do and didnt really care (#sorrynotsorry) but then in comes an extremely disheveled looking mark with messy hair and ripped jeans and a hoodie on and you were concerned to say the least. Thankfully no customers were in the shop yet and mark just runs to the counter panting and you genuinely think someone's been chasing him but he later explains he woke up like 2 minutes before he came to the coffee shop cause his phone ran out of battery hence alarm=nonexistent basically. That day you had a lot of customers and since you guys had to stay the entire day by the end of the day you were exhausted. When it was about an hour to closing mark just went on his break and it was just you in the shop because he just went for a walk which he regularly does for his break, something you noticed. but there werent many customers so you were okay but when you turned around to the register you saw a pink post-it saying: stay back today for a bit?. you already know mark wanted to just relax after work today and you guys had stayed back after work sometimes and you enjoyed it so you smiled and continued with the order for the customer. eventually he came back and you smiled and nodded and he smiled back and that just made you smile harder. so the day was finally over and you went to sit infront of the counter and took off your apron while mark was busy making something that you figured was his but when he was done you realized he had two drinks in his hand one being your favourite, a hot chocolate and one a berry smoothie. He placed the hot chocolate infront of you and you were like huh? and he said, “you drink this practically whenever you have the chance anyone would know it's your favourite". your heart kinda fluttered but you were like gurl dont be dumb staph but that didnt really stop much. you guys moved to the sofa after grabbing a few snacks (this was the main perk of getting the end shift cause you could stay back). You guys were facing each other and the windows were all still open blowing chilling air in and although you loved it you were cold and being the dumb one you are you forgot to bring a jacket so you shivered but you were fine after you closed the windows or so you thought for like two seconds and then you were like yeah no i be cold. "so care to explain why you came in looking like a wreck today" "so are you implying that i look good every other day" " well im not denying it.." you were always quite flirty with everyone unintentionally (sometimes intentionally) but mark kinda got used to it " i just slept really late yesterday and today wasnt the best" "i can tell but hey whats up?" "eh just stuff" "oh also ive been meaning to ask how long are you going to be working this shift?" "oh you want me to stay i see" "please, if anything the opposite" "mhmmm sure" he says with a smug look on his face, "well until your boyfriend comes back" you spat out your drink," my boyfriend?!" confusion was plastered on marks face and he said" yeah the guy you were working with before i came, yuta i think his name was?" you genuinely couldnt stop laughing until you eventually explained that he was just a bestfriend and you noticed a look of relief on his face? but pushed it aside. suddenly mark just got up and went to the back where you heard rummaging. after a few minutes mark came back with a t-shirt on and his hoodie in his hand. He threw over to you "stop shivering and wear this" he says he sat next to you this time causing you heart to basically jump out of your chest he wasnt that close or anything just him being kind. you mumbled a thanks. after a few moments of silence mark asked " so do you have a boyfriend?" "no you?" "nah. hey wanna lock up and just walk" you were actually glad he asked cause you were kinda tired of being in the cafe for this long and you thankfully nodded ---- you guys walked to a nearby park just talking about literally anything that came to your mind at this point you guys were pretty close and both of you guys knew things about each other that a lot of people dont, irrelevant and meaningful, like he knows that you only like the ends of those soda gummies cause apparently then have the most taste, but he argues that it all tastes the same, that doesnt stop him from eating the other end when you dont want it though, and you know that whenever hes stressed the only thing he wants to do is talk to someone he trusts and you were the same that way. as you were walking you werent really focusing on anything cause your heart was kinda all over the place cause youve officially developed a big fat crush on this idiot and you knew he didnt feel the same but then you being so absent minded caused you to trip and almost instantly mark grabbed your hand to stop you from falling over and you just started laughing while mark asked you if you were okay. you guys continued to walk in silence with the howling wind filling the air, although you guys were nothing you couldnt ask for more in this moment. you were reaching for your phone when you realized mark was still holding your hand you just stopped walking and froze staring at your hands clasped together (they werent intertwined but just holding ya get?) and obviously every force has an equal and opposite Reaction (its SciEnTifiC oKaY) so since you stopped walking and you were connected to mark he kinda was pulled back and this is when you noticed how red his face was and that surprised you but at the same time youre sure you were too (but like im brown so you wouldnt even be able to tell ay ay) "you only noticed i was holding your hand this entire time now?" "uh.. well.. ummm-" "sorry do you want me t-" he said as he started letting go "no no its fine i was just surprised thats all" and you guys continue walking except now your fingers are intertwined and your heart beating double time. you truly liked mark for his personality, for the way he made you laugh, the way he made you feel, the way he treated you, you really liked him. you guys found a a green patch that was pretty empty and decided to sit. mark was pretty sleepy so he asked if he could put his head on your lap and you said sure. it was pretty late at night but you werent scared if anything you felt safe and happy. mark did that to you and as you looked down at his face you truly realized how beautiful he was. his skin was so smooth and the fluorescent lights along the park were reflecting on his round glasses that shaped his face perfectly. you then hesitated before taking his glasses off cause you noticed he takes them off whenever hes tired so you just wanted him to feel comfortable. he opened his eyes at that and looked straight into your eyes, his eyes truly glimmered in the light as if they were shining stars of their own but what you didnt know is that those same eyes have been staring at you all night admiring your beauty and presence. you give him a slight smile and he does the same before shutting his eyes once again. you kinda wished he didnt because you wanted to stare into his eyes for more but atleast he was getting rest. this is when you decided to play some music. it was calm and relaxing and always helped when you were feeling stressed and you could tell mark was for whatever reason cause he refuses to tell you and since music was such a huge part of your life you hoped it would help him too. you started singing along lowly and not to brag or anything but your voice wasnt half bad, after all you were a music major and one of the instruments you play was your throat so you sounded pretty nice and mark seemed to agree with this cause he then reached for your phone and paused the music to say, " i like your voice better" and you being way too scared to sing infront of him refused but eventually he convinced you by saying he would sing as well which he did and you guys sounded nice.

after staying for a bit longer you decided it was time to go home so you told mark to get up and he obliged. he held his hand out for you and even after helping you up he continued to hold it. he insisted on dropping you off to your dorm which hes visited before to watch a movie or two but thats all. on your way back you asked him, "mark are you sure you dont want to talk about whats stressing you out?" "no its okay really, thanks for caring" he replied "anytime and if you change your mind just call me okay?" he nodded you guys reached your house by now and mark with such sincerity in his voice said" thanks for today, really" "we do this almost every week what are you talking about" " i know but just thank you for being you" he says while staring admirably at your face "look mark, well first you know im always here even if we arent working the same shift anymore im glad we became as close as we are now cause i truly cant imagine my life without you and yeah i know its really cheesy but its true but most importantly you need to stop beating yourself up whenever you mess up. youre human and we tend to make mistakes sometimes and thats fine because i know you mark and i know at the end of the day you’re going to be an amazing dancer and youll be great at whatever you want to do so i dont know whats bothering you but whatever it is i know you can overcome it so just keep your head up high and be strong but dont be afraid to talk to people about it. and mark, im just saying all this cause i care abo-" interrupting what you were saying mark comes closer and kisses you. His lips were warm contradicting the the cold weather and one of his hands was around your waist ever so gently pulling you closer to him while the other was on your neck gently caressing it. his lips were so gentle yet so passionate as if you could feel all of his emotions, your eyes were closed and your hands were around his neck and then your fingers ran through his hair. you dont even know how long the kiss went on but you had to pull away cause you were out of breath. Your foreheads were against each other and noses almost touching his eyes were closed and he mumbled under his breath " thank you, thank you so much. thank you for being the person you are and for making me feel the way i feel. every time i see you im so mesmerized by the amount of beauty you can hold. everything you do makes my heart beat faster and im just so glad that youre in my life and im really sorry if you dont feel the same ill act like this never happened if you want me to but i really like you and i have for a long while and i just want to compliment you everytime i see you and hold your hand and kiss you to show you how much i appreciate you and god y/n you make me feel things i dont think ive ever felt befo-" "mark..." you say moving your head to look a him, he hesitantly opens his eyes expecting a rejection "i like you too" you say before giving him a deep but quick kiss and after that he lift you up and hugs you and start cheering almost about how happy he is. And that was the start of your relationship with mark lee <3

3:00 AM 1/24/2019 (this is when I wrote this can you frickin believe wow welp.. that was it)

[thejourneyblog]

Day 1 in a mental inpatient hospital:

11/25/17

I didn't see this coming. I mean I did a few times but I was usually able

to get back on my feet. But I don't even know what happened, that day,

yesterday. I had cracked. Over something small. I gave up. I realized I

didn't want to do it anymore. Live. Watch funny youtube videos, laugh

with friends, follow my dreams, run adult errands, write poetry. I'm

amazed I'm writing this at all right now. And this was such a deep

bottomless feeling out of no where that I had a panic attack.

I could not stop. I started spinning out. I couldn't stop crying all day or hyperventilating.

I was out to pick up a desk that I never picked up because they were all out.

So I went back to my drive way and tried to figure out how I could come back

to my senses. Maybe I should eat, play a game, walk my dog, rest, go to my

bffs house.. but I was repulsed by every idea. I didn't want to go back to living.

I tried to think about something that could make me happy. But I didn't want anything...

anymore and that is when I couldn't return. I was so scared. I didn't know what

was happpening. Nothing calmed me down. I didnt know what I was supposed to

do. do I run away? What would be the easiest way to die. But I didnt have the energy

to even do those. Then I rememberes, theres a hotline.

I wasn't able to talk much since I was trying to stop hyperventilating. But the responder was smart. She asked questions slowly and paced. We talked for an hour and I told her that I wanted to

donate all of my organs somewhere and that I was done. She helped me get to an ER

to get help. At that point I looked like I had been to 10 funerals and was scaring

everyone. My eyes still hadnt stopped crying. They assigned a nurse to stay at my side

at all times. Probably because I kept saying “IDK” when they asked if I was a danger

to myself. I was in the ER for 4 hours sleeping and crying as they put stickers on

my boobs and took blood and urine samples. I finally decided to answer my sisters

calls and she told me she loved me and that I was perfect. And I was so upset with

the universe at that moment. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kept trying to make normal decisions, see if there was still some way out of this.

Back to old me. Sane me. But I couldnt. I was done.

Finally they told me about a wonderful place where we do group/art/single therapy sessions and I was admitted.They wheeled me to a room with security gaurds to collect my belongings and scan

me for metal. A nice lady asked me about my thanksgiving while she took me to the

mental health floor. I sat in the hallway while I waited for a nurse to bring me to my

room, with bare feet which didn't bother me. “Shame on INOVA” A nurse yelled giving

me socks and dinner. In the dining room I met some of the other patients right away. Watching tv and having their dinner. Fish with rice and sweet potato and cranberry juice. The fish

was great. I traded my brownie for a raspberry foam thing the other girl wanted. I

didn't care. I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't have a need to. After eating, I was showed to

my room. I didn't see a tv. That was disappointing. I wanted my phone back. But not really.

I thought I'd just sleep and cry some more. But then a girl appeared.

Sibila

“Hi!”

I jumped “hi”

“Are you new here! Let me show you around”

I agreed surprisingly.

“She showed me all the rooms, the game room, the lounge, kitchen, dining, snack room (locked)

Art room (also locked), pay phones, tv room and her room.

She gave me jolly ranchers and seemed super happy. So I did not under stand

why she was here. After that I went back to my room.

But she popped back up.

“My mom brought gyros! Lets eat!”

She dragged me to the kitchen and got me some coffee.

The coffee was perfect. Just what I needed. Which I proceeded to chug black for the next few days,

though it did not increase my energy what so ever.

Her mom was really sweet. Reminded me of my mom:

“sleep helps with depression”

yet I sleep like a baby

I tried to go back to my room but sibila was one step ahead of me

“Art class is starting!”

Art Class

Sibila picked a table in the corner for Victoria and I. A college looking girl with

the same circle as the rest of us, but sweet. But this place was no ordinary art class.

This place looked like a fukin AC Moore. There were lots of templates and wood crafts we could decorate. I didn't feel like doing much so I chose stained glass. I was the quickest

one in the group. The only one to finish a project. It would just give me anxiety to leave

something unfinished. After that we went to the end of the hall and sang pop songs for the rest of

the night. I joined along. Her spirit was so infectious. I tried not to be so low. But when we were alone

eating graham crackers I couldn't help it

“I dont want to live anymore. I cant”

She gave me a pat and scrambled. That was the end of that.

I slept with the lights on that night.

I remember

(hours before admission)

As I was trying to calm down about my problems

Inner voice: your sister will be okay, you just have to

Me: shut up ( monotone)

just stop

I dont want you to fix this

I dont want anything anymore

Im done

Voice: thats not true

Me: maybe I just need to run away for a bit. Take a long vacation

V: nothing will be here when you get back

Me: shhhh

I told you

I dont care

Im sure this has been an interesting study in human defeat

that is all

Break fast

was awful. Watery scrambled eggs. Super moist muffin. Potatoes were decent. Atleast I got to talk to vikki. Shes actually a lot more normal than I thought. Just some mild postpartum psychosis. But it seems like a lot of people come here to get back on track.. I don't know what I want... but I still don't want to go back. To anything. So thats not good..

The Characters

There are surprisingly not many people here. So far everyone has been super inviting and made me feel welcomed. There are the nurses who sit at a desk blocking the elevators. The whiteboard with each hall wing class schedule like school.

People I've met so far:

-Frail lady with a blanket shawl

-The angry boy always yelling at his mom on the phone with an ice pack on his head

- the pregnant lady who loves everyone

-The cute guys who thinks hes a celebrity

-the cute guy who doesn't talk

Sibila of course and our trio Vikki <3

and my room mate who sleeps all day, Doris.

I don't blame her

How are you?

A different nurse or doctor asks every 2 hours

I don't mean to be rude but I'm not going to answer that

I will gladly talk to a therapist about it. I could actually

really use that right about now.

But currently the outcome is uncertain

FOR SOME REASONFSJAODNASODSDMKA

Coping mechanism sheet

Take a time out in room – I slept with the lights on

imagine myself at the beach- no

talk with a peer- call Roslyn

write in journal

write a list of my strengths

write a letter

call a family member

have some tea or coffee

exercise

stretch

stress balls

draw

soft music- not helpfuldnjsadsnadjasdomk

play a game- boring/no energy

tv room – too bright/uncomfortable chairs

meditate-makes me angry

talk with your therapist-where?

Read- ummmmm

count to 10-NO

positive thoughts-try again

walk-what else is there to do

write a schedule for week after discharged- already have a schedule?

Comb hair/freshen up- sibila made me shower

My room mate

Doris has become a bit more talkative. She has the sweetest voice.

She invited me to bingo but I was still knocked out by the meds. She seems

worried about me. After I told the nurse I didn't want to live she asked to switch rooms.

Probably a coincidence.

The head poppers

: Nurses or doctors who pop their head from behind your curtain for a split second

to see where you are like a weirdo

every                     fucking                  hour

Bathrooms

are a fucking joke. Island printed yoga mats with Velcro make up for the doors.

Meaning you can smell and hear everything. One time I walked in on a full toilet.

I thought it was rude until I flushed and realized I probably woke up my room mate.

Oh well

The Bands

Wrist bands, we all wear. Get scanned about 15 times a day. For what? There aren't that many of us. They do it every time we go to a class, have a meal, need meds, get our vitals checked. I just ripped

mine off today because it is so uncomfortable and now all they do is ask for my name.

The more you know

How are you: Update

Today I yelled: “BAAAAAAADDDD jesus...”

but atleast he finally asked something different

“Do you have anything to live for”

“Yes, but I don't care”

I should probably stop acting like this. I think its triggering doris

Sibila made me a belated birthday card. It was super random, but also the sweetest

most important thing right now.

Lights

Ive been sleeping with them on every night so far. She likes them off but hasnt

said anything about it. Im just surprised the nurses allow it. I dont know why I do it.

I just sleep better. But maybe for tonight, just for doris, Ill turn them off.

Strengths

Believing in things I can not do

Visits

Mom brought me some fresh clothes and friends brought me candy

I managed to change into a fresh top and leggings and started to feel a bit better.

Might attend group tonight.

Update: group was boring and unhelpful

Doris

Apparently hates me

Fights

Atleast when you fight with someone here, they forget, and you can be friends again

The Suitcase

Today in art class I chose a wooden project. A suitcase. I decorated it like the night sky since stars calm me. Inside I placed a folded piece of fabric and some bead charms that would represent everything I would leave behind if I go:

Sunflowers- My family and friends

Stars and moon- nature

Korean symbols- knowledge

Buddhist hand- my wonders for the universe

teddy bear- my future possibilities

gold bracelet- material loves

Spiral- myself

blue diamond- hope

totem- values

colorful ball- passions

I still could not feel anything about it but I hope this is the old me trying to tell me something

Sibila

Has an eating disorder. She gave me a paper of her schedule and every hour said diet underneath

I notice that she doesn't really eat. Unless her mom brings her something.

Quotes

When you are a child, you have hopes and dreams of everything you want your future to be.

When you get older, you have plans for what you think will make you happy: A home, a job, love. But we all know that the future is unpredictable. We are not supposed to know what is going to happen anyways. Because if we did, that would be boring, or scarier, if possible. But you see, I had a moment, where I could see where my future was heading, and it was horrifying, and I just.. gave up.

Something positive

I decided to read the quotes in the dining hall.

“maybe the biggest opportunity is where you are standing right now”

A letter

Dear world,

I dont know if there is anything you could have done to prevent this outcome.  You didnt do anything that great or that horrible to me. None that I can think of at this moment

that I care to blame anything on. You just did, you just are. And we just live. And we just die.

But to my understandning,

ive enjoyed the beauties

and the perfect uglies

and im good

so lets wrap this up. Some might think I should be stronger

but nope. Its my choice.

Everyone here

says the same things

“when can I leave”

“gimme my stuff back”

Nurse james

is really fucking cute

I think he likes me because

he took my vitals even though mine was already taken today

did not object

Update: Never mind. All the nurses do this.

Doris

Likes old british rock music

Look up “the smiths”

Limbo

This morning I woke up and did not know anything. I did not know who I was or where I was

I had not a single thought. I felt like a newborn baby. I had forgotten that I was alive, ever alive,

or that there was even a life to live.

This did not break my heart as much as it should have.

And you want to know what happened next?

I got out of bed and used the bathroom when a nurse walked in and saw my face

and seemed annoyed at my unwelcoming presence

“Are you ever happy! Smile! You are beautiful and will be out of here in no time!”

My room mate applauded and agreed.

Hello

My name is priscilla and I am suicidal. I still can not imagine myself outside of this place. Even though I do not want to be here for long. Every time I try to tell myself that I owe my mom and sis, that I need to work harder, itll be okay, try to find love, I have to stop. Those things usually motivate me. But everyting short circuits me right now, and I do not know why.

I said good bye

On the last day, I decided to go to group

There was a young teacher asking ice breaker questions and only a few people this time. The old man who hears voices, Doris, Indian girl with translator, Taiwanese man with translator and me. I talked about my dad. That out of anything, the only thing that hurt or really mattered, was him not being there. I was the only one who cried that session. I left on good terms though. I wanted to talk and I finally got to. I thanked her genuinely. I left a note for nurse james. I said goodbye to cute billy, the one who talks to celebrities. Sibila, vikki and I got discharged together and we are now friends. The last days have felt like months and I can still taste the watery eggs, which I only tried once. But at least the worst is over.  

[bedbeug-blog]

14/11

im in a relapse atm. its been about 4-5 months since ive really felt this bad. when uni finished for the semester i got so excited about holidays and seeing my friends i planned activities for each day during the first 2 weeks.

on the first thursday, i decided i felt good enough to go for a run. i pushed myself way too hard, got lost, ended up having to stumble my way back because i didnt turn around until i had gone too far. i wasnt thinking on my way back, i was just on the edge of exhaustion and pain.

the next day i complained that i felt tired and sore and got the usual - thats normal after running for the first time in a while, of course ur muscles will be sore, just dont push urself so hard next time. i recognised the pain i was feeling though.

this was almost two weeks ago. its tuesday today and i spent all of yesterday in bed watching frasier. i wanted to drink a smoothie but i couldnt imagine standing up for that long so i order one on uber eats (goodbye 15$). jonathan got home and i sat with him on the couch until i felt so sick and nauseous and dizzy that i went back to bed to lie down. 

i ate and felt better. took some pain killers and felt better. smoked some weed and felt better. yet all night i could barely respond to jonathan and i could feel myself getting worked up at the way he was talking to me. i thought to myself “i cant believe he expects me to reply”, “i dont know wat hes saying”, “i hope he knows im listening but i cant respond” and “i wish i could just have silence around me right now”. its my fault since i need to learn to be more vocal about wat i need, but i want to want to listen and engage with him so badly still.

last night i was super stressed when i went to be at 11pm (too late). i was kicking my legs, moaning angrily with frustration wondering when my body will relax and the pain that ive had for the past two weeks subside. i think i finally slept at midnite after i held onto jonathan, reminded myself of the comfort i feel with him, and focused on my breathing rather than the pain and the exhaustion.

i woke up at 5 and was awake for 30 mins. i then woke up at abt 7.30 as jonathan got ready for work. i stayed awake even though i knew i needed more sleep since 7hrs is not nearly enough for me.

today ive been in pain still. ill list my symptoms below at the end of the post. i wanted to start this tumblr as a way to document how im feeling since typing is easier than physically writing. i feel better today since ive did more research into ME and reminded myself ive come out of ruts before and i can do it again. i want to be more aware of my body and i want to document what helps and what doesnt.

it is 12.27pm right now. today i have: gotten up, rest, got dressed, rest, walked to the shops, rest, made a smoothie, watch two episodes of frasier in bed, and currently halfway through watching the doco abt ME called unrest. its rly sad but i guess it helped me to do this.

symptoms:

brain fog, headache, poor cognitive functions (cant organise my day, struggle to communicate), joint pain, muscular pain, sensitivity to stimuli, pain behind eyes, sore throat

[sanfranciscoyoginigypsy]

august 23 2017 age 19

and i yelled out isn't it so beautiful!! and we talked and he asked for my number. i love myself i love my energy i love my life. and on the path to totality i brought up to jacob how theres a small line where its most visible for a longer duration and we headed that way instead, it was perfect. the whole thing was perfect, barely any traffic and we were in the middle of nowhere. so there was a parking. we parked in a power plant parking lot and slept in the car. when i woke up, jacob played the beatles for me, it was nice to hear a day in the life, and magical musketry tour as soon as i woke up.. so amazing. and for the solar ecplise i meditated and did yoga. i felt the earths strong energy.. it was very intense.. with the alignment of the sun and the moon had a great affect on earth, earth;’s energy i felt was bursting- and i was there to feel it all in, to welcome it to my body, and show my gratitude. i screamedwhen the solar ecplise was complete. it looked so unreal! so scary!!! i was surprised! didn't know what a solar eclipse looked like! didnt know what to expect! i didnt look tip pictures the day before! paulo and briksha got me in the mood for loving the earth and myself and yoga by sending group texts about spiritual practices to experience during the solar ecplise. when it was going away, i listened to a recording and aligned my chakras, which was very intense. and i did my favorite yoga move, which is just my crown chakra touching the ground in downward facing dog, and i felt like the earth was feeding me wisdom, and its golden light energy. i sid this for a long time. iw as very grateful for the experience. i learned a lot that day. i was presented with a lesson on being confidence in myself and accepting myself. when aligning my chakras, i felt some heavy emotion on working on my yellow chakra (solar plexus) and crown. actually it was just empashis, something to work on. this week is solar plex chakra, self confidence.. and during eclipse it was crown chakra. where earths golden light was inviting and accepting me and feeding me light. and this week is solar plexus! bc I've lacked in confidence in most things I've been doing, feeling unworthy of challenges and experiences, like today!!!!!!! TODAY!!! so yesteryda i was very stressed about today, i didnt want to miss psychology bc i needed to get the add code to get into the class, but the modeling gig was at 10, and the class at 9:10, and i was stressed all day especially ll night about modeling, i almost didnt go today!! Ive just felt a lack in confidence. thinking about my acne, and how prettier the other girls would be. and yesterday i naired my whole face. i also was trying to sleep early but that didnt work.. i was just very stressed about everything man! but yesertda was so good too, good balance. i got free burritos, free book loans, and applied for a (2) $100 clipper card at the school!! and food stamps!! resources and opportunities are everywhere!! but yesterday i planned this whole day for me and almost woke up and didnt do it.. i woke up at 5 am bc i wanted to shower then do yoga after, bc yoga is so powerful when I'm pure and cleansed and healed from the water, water is so healing. i am grat4eful for the disagreements in my head. for the clash, for committing, and believing in myself and in the universe. i took a shower when i was so close to skipping out on it and yoga, but i FUCKING DID IT. I COMMITED> ad theshwoer was so good! and i was conflicted with shaving bx well you know me and shaving but i said FUCK IT and shaved! the email said to wear high wasied things and the only high waisted i had was shorts. oh and hannah sent me this modeling thing a few weeks ago! but yoga was so gooooooood paulo is a miracle worker i love him. i didnt want to get up, neither of us did, i told him he was the best and he said no you're the best,t. paulo is so great. such a great teacher. then i got ready right after fire and was running late! ibroguht so much shit bc i didnt know what to bring i just brought a lot of vintage tees. i was running late for psychology too but i went still and when i got there it was PERFECT. i emailed the teacher i couldn't stay the whole class and was hoping it wouldn't be a problem and she never replied so i was def taking a chance but when i got there she was doing role call!!! and i was on th waitlist! then after i went up to her and tried to explain myself but she mentioned how she already read my email and to stay as long as i cana or come back, but after  i sat down she called names to give add codes too and i was one of them!! and she said huh you dont have to email me after all!! so perfect!! i was there for like 5 minutes! sp perfect. i left and went to the women locker room and changed and put on make up, i wa slacking some confidence bc of the emphasis i put towards my acne, but i got an uber and went! i was late for that too, but i did it and went! i had coffee and the uber driver braked really hard and i spilled it on my jeans.. i laughed at first and thought about la la land and how she had an interview in the clothes she was wearing when someone spilled coffee on her.. so cute.. and resonating. but i was getting a little frustrated bc i literally have to wear those to a shoot. when i got to the shoot i felt so much better! everyone was so nice and the girls looked normal! i felt like i fit in. I'm not sure how i look in the photos, but i felt a lil awkward bc i didnt know how to pose! but it was so fun!! all the girls were cute and nice!!! and it was so up my alley! so 70s! everything was vintage 60s and 70s and i had a lot of fun! i ended up befriending a girl  i had to do patty cake with and we are going to skate in the near future! she showed up in her long board! it was so fun and we got to go on the website and choose a piece of clothing we wanted ! bc we didnt get paid! but when i told elena that she said i was such a beautiful model that i need to get paid more for that.. so sweet of her.. and when i saw her in the room she said its so nice to be in my presence.. my energy.. and called me beautiful and kept taking pics of me.. so nice of her!! then yesterday i asked ashlan if beloved was hiring and yesterday he called me and said they were going to hire me within this week! i literally had to do nothing and i got a fucking job! the owner called me and everything !! and we had an interview where i wore my new dress from CAMP that i modeled for and it was amazing. i cant wait to work at beloved. i told her i and eifently feel some growth from it, and how my yoga path is focused on diet right now. and she mentioned how she's super into yoga and stayed at a few ashrams and really emphasized diet and being a yogi. love love theexperiecne !! and now I'm here.. contemplating on getting a degree in something fuN.. bc iu only get one life.. might as well study something fun.. like music.. bc i can always teach with a teaching certificate and get a bachelors in anything.. I've been thinking about music business.,. id love to be around music always!! god life is so good and full of opportunity.. i am so happy.. and tonight i get to share all this! but not the whole thing.take chances, take a risk.. do it all. believe in yourself. you are worthy. you are beautiful.. and now I'm going to fire ceremony in my fucking ashram. how sick is my fucking life dawg. how fucking sick. and I'm going to help jesse paint tomorrow in exchange for an africna drum lesson. boom boom my life kicks so much ass!! damn damn damn!!! DAMN MAMA DAMNNANANANNANA.  and going my online english mandatory meeting class made me realize how a challenge is always a best reward,,, I'm not excited bc its online and i won't get an experience from it.. so I'm going to take sippers class,.. or atleast try .. bc everything i was tressed about is working out.. all the classes i was waitlisted on I'm getting into.. and if i take a risk, theres always a learning epcerice to it. i should take it into account with beloved.. just do it.. just take the risk. it was prenseted to me by the universe.. why not.. literally handed to me.. i didnt have to do anything.. and I'm already doubting it and myself,, thinking i cant handle it.. but shut up !! take a risk!! do it!! if i dont like it its not permanent!! ideas for carriers./ majors: music business, therapy (sound therapy- music being healing for me, yoga instructor, model LIFE is limitless!! i can major in anything then get a teaching certificate after a bachelors and teach!! but I'm going to calle lemtnaryhschools tomorrow to see if i can meet iwht teachers and hear what they have to say about their career and system.. and to see if i can get some work down with children to understand the job more(: LFIE IS GREAT AH

[zypher0108-blog]

May 4, 2017 1:36PM Blink nyong an🍒 What are you doing? ㅁㅁㅁㅁㅁㅁ How is the weather today?? Yum... yumㅁㅁㅁㅁㅁ Did I used a lot of yum.....?ㅋㅋ I have to stop writing it haha imiss you blink ☺️☺️🌹💋 hello blinkiessss 🤗🌹 how is everyone todayy? haha I know i havent been around as much as i used to.. 😢 which is why i've come by to say hi today 👋 🙃 hi everyone.. tehehe missing u all like crazyy 💋💋 love u so much mwahhhhhhh #baes 😉 💙x1000000 F: Rosie..ㅠㅠIt’s been a while!!! I had a glass of sikhye on this hot day👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 (Sikhye is a type of a sweet rice drink) R: Sikhye💙 F: Ive been watching movies ㅋㅋㅋ R: What movie 🙀💙 F: Chaeyoung R: kyaaaaaa☺️❣️ F: Nyongan Nyongan R: Nyongan!! F: Im here😄😄😄 R: 👋👋🙃💙🌹 F: I love you Rosé R: aww me too💕💕 F: Beautiful weather R: Really?? Relief Relief💙💙☺️ F: Nyongan 💙💙 R: ❣️❣️ Nyongan F: Keungko (ID of this fan) is still out of bed…💙 R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋSame with me🤣🤣Yeom Yeom Yeom ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ F: Missing u like crazy too!!! 💙💙💙 ninja chaeng R: hahaha ninjaaaaa 🤣🤣💙 F: What is this… Chaeyoung is pretty R: 🙈🙈💙 F: Love you rose hope you had a good night sleep :) R: aww u too bae 💙 F: 사딘 (Sadin) is still beautiful 👍👍👍 R: 🙈🙈💙Thank youuu ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: Lisa said you got her a bicycle 😉 R: ✌️✌️🤗💕💙 F: What's up Rosie R: nothin muchhh, u? 💙 F: Unni what are you doing? R: Replying💕💕💙 F: Chaeng long time no see…But no that long~~ R: HeHe Its been a long time~~~~ 🤗🤗💙 F: Will u still care in the morning????? R: i will!!!! tehehehe💙 F: I thought you gone forever 😭😭😭😭 R: 😢😢i'm backk 💙 F: Its too hot today R: Really?? 😱😱😱💕 F: x1000000000 for u 💋 R: awww 💋💋💋💙 F: Today weather is very hot ㅠㅠIt’s summer already🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Chaeyoung, do you like Summer?? R: Heollang!!! Already?!😱😱 ㅎㅎ I like summer~ But… Im a little scared… Will it get a lot hotter?? F: Hey there chipmunk! 😁💙 R: 🙀 chipmunk?!😲😲hahahahahaa 💕💕💕 F: You are my bias wrecker because of your voice😊 R: aww thank uu💋 F: I love you more 💙×1000001 R: I am more!!! 💙💙💙🙈 F: can't get "Wake up alone" off my head bcs of you lol R: hahah yeahh that's a good songg ☺️☺️💙 F: Where are you now ? R: somewhere in ur hearts 💙gahhahahaha F: Hey Chaeng, I think SPring is already gone ㅠㅠ It’s Too bad.. R: Hingggg Really too bad 😫😫 F: Its high, too dangerous!!😆 R: 😭😭😭높은곳 좋은뎀ㅁㅁ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: Chaeyoung you look so pretty ㅜㅜ R: 😭😭💙💙💙💙 F: Chaeyoung did you eat lunch?? R: Not yet~~~ I have to eat now ㅎㅎㅎ F: On the roof? It must be scary😭 Be careful!! R: I wasn’t afraid~~Was it great?? Hehehe High places are good🙈🙈💙 ㅎㅎ Ill be careful💕💕💋💋💋 F: Yes we've missed you soo much!! Thanks for dropping by!! Love you baeee!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 R: aww baee thank u guys even more for always leaving such lovely comments 💙💋 F: your updates make me forget the stress my schoop caused 💙💙 R: awww that's nice to hear 💙 F: I just finished my report! ㅋㅋ R: 잡굿잡굿!!!💙💙💙💙💙 F: This photo by Was Lalisa the photographer? R: I dont think she was needed… ㅎㅎㅎㅎ This was manager unni? Maybe… Chu? I don’t remember ㅎㅎㅎㅎ F: i barely slept cuz I have final exams... I'm so tired.... R: awww hwaitinggg!! 💙 F: I feel so happy to meet Chaeng at the walking competition🐯🐯 Can you give me a letter through Chu?😶😶 R: Alright!! ㅎㅎㅎ 💙💙 F: Is Chaeng busy these days? I don’t get replies very oftenㅠㅠ R: 😭😭 Sorryyy~~ Ill come often💙 F: I miss you like crazy too my bae 😢💙💙💙 i love you too 😚😚 Are you going to ride a bike with lisa today?? 💙😍😚 Hehehehe. R: haha maybe!! 😆😆💕💕 F: Did you eat lunch ?? Im hungry ㅠ R: Not yet!! ㅎㅎ Eat something fast!! 💙💙 F: Im hungry Rosè….. What to eat for lunch… R: Eat rice!! 💙💙💙 F: can you please say hi to me ㅋㅋㅋ 🤣 R: hiii💙 F: Have you seen a movie recently ~~?? R: Recently… I saw Mulan again! I saw it alot ㅎㅎ It’s still good when I watch it again! 💙 F: Chipmunk or Deer ? R: deer! gahahaha💙💙🙈 F: Is Chaeng busy these days? I don’t get replies muchㅠㅠ R: 😭😭😭😭😭Sorry ㅠㅠㅠ F: Chaeng! The pictures are really pretty ㅋㅋ And thanks forsaying bye to me yesterday ㅋㅋ I Wanted to do it first, Its too late🙈💙💙💙 R: Thank youuuu ㅎㅎㅎNo💕💕 F: HUGS AND KISSES LOVE YOU SO MUCH CHAENGIE ❤️❤️💙💙💙 R: aww back to u 💙💙💙💙 F: How do ou feel about being a custom ambassador? R: Kyaaaaaaaaaa🤣🤣💙 F: #blueheartsforosie💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 R: yayyy💙💙 F: I love you beautiful, I hope your day has been well. I miss you sosososo much! 💙💙💙 R: awww u too hunny💙💙 F: Really miss you… But But R: 저두영 Bui Bui ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ What is Bui Buiㅋㅋㅋ Jjang 💙 F: Beautiful scenery❣❣❣❣ R:Yeom Yeom Yeom!! ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ💙💋 F: Chaeng-a~ㅎㅎㅎ Chaeng is out of her mind~ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Whats the song? R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Ill send you a letter~~~~ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ No.. 저 집이에용.. 🙈🙈💙 F: Will you change your hair colour when you comeback?? R: What do you want? ☺️ F: Nyongan👋👋👋 Welcome✋✋ R: Yeom!!🙈💙 F: Chaeng!! What are you doing? R: Haem! ㅎㅎㅎ Replying F: Did you eat lunch??? R: No~~ Not yet🤣🤣💙 F: Chaeng, why are you getting more prettier? R: Kyaa 🙈🙈 Noo🙈💙💙 F: Did you really buy a bicycle for Lisa?ㅎㅎ R: I bought it!! Hehehe 😆😆💙💙💙 F: TELL LISA THAT I LOVE HER 🗣🗣🗣 R: i will☺️💙 F: Unni is commenting too much..Can you see this? R: It’s hard ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 🤣💙 F: Can I get a reply today?? ㅠㅠ 💙💙😭 R: Recieved!!! 🙈💙💙💙 F: bae please accept my virtual hug for you🤗🤗🤗!!!hehehe..love yah to the moon and back!!!stay healthy.xoxo R: hahahaa yayyy free hugss hahaha love u moree 💙 F: I don't like peach blossom or orange blossom, I like Rosé .. R: awwwww hahahahahah💙💙 F: Get me a bicycleㅋㅋ 💕💕 R: 😯Is that so? Hihihihi ☺️💙💙💙 F: What do you feel like when you get older? R: 블링크는 내짝 히히히힣ㅎㅎ 🌹 F: Unni is replying alot todayㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ If I don’t get a reply, I’m going ㅠㅠㅠ💙💙 R: Dont I love you💙 F: Rosé what is your favorite number???? R: 5!💙 F: Chaeng hasn’t seen any of my comments lately .. 빼빼로를 걸겠어 R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ It’s too hard 😭😭 ㅋㅋ I want to see everything ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 빼빼로... Unni replied.. F: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WITH US BAEE 😭😭💙💙💙💙 R: awww thank u moree💙 F: rosie, i have exams next week! please wish me luck? love u 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 R: good luckkkkkk💙 F: Baby Chaeng.. See you later… 👋👋 R: 이따뵈염💙 F: Hey Chaeng, im going to Mlourne this weekend and its raining ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠPark Chaeyoung Of MelbourneㅠㅠㅠResponsibility~~~Day~~~~~~! R: Lol! The weather in Melbourne usually goes back and forth~~~ 😭😭😭 F: Chaeng ㅋㅋㅋ Do you want to travel back to the past?? ㅋㅋㅋ 20분전댓글에 답글달아주고잇던데 R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋA past journey ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: 오늘 리사도 와주고 챙이도 와주고 짱조타🌼 R: 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼나듀 F: Chaeng Chaeng💕 Love R:❣️🌼 F: Rosè… I miss youㅠㅠ R: 나듕😭🌼💙 F: Chaeng-a 담에 리챙 자전거방송 해줘염!!!!!!!! I’m Curious !!!! R: Oh!!Good Idea!!💙 F: 챙시3뷴전!! 챙시 같이챙겨요😊💙 R: 오메나... I missed you again… 😭😭🤣💙 F: Why are you getting so pretty these days?💙💙 R: 🙈🙈🙈🙈 F: do u prefer night or day? 💙💙💙 R: that's a really hard question... i would say night but... i really doo like the sunlight too.... hahahahhaa 💙 F: 챙아 너 왤케 착해?😊 완전 천사얌🤗 R: 오메나 아니에염 블링크가 더 천사😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇💙 키ㅣ킼ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: Do read comments on your phone? !!! R: 🙈🙈🙈💙 F: do u miss your hometown ? R: a little😢💙 F: can you tell rose that I really2 love her and want to get reply 😚 R: okay i'll let her know!! 😆💙💙 F: 언니~ missed you more 💙its 1am I should be sleeping ㅋㅋㅋ but you're here so....😊💙 R: hahaha awww go to sleep!! 🤣💙 F: 왘ㅋ 8 Minutes agoㅋㅋ 챙임머신인가ㅋㅋ💙💙💙 R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: Change-a!! I really Missed youㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ R: You more😢😢😢💙 I ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: Visiting Chaeng in the pastㅋㄱㅋ챙이 최소 닥터후...닥터챙😂😂😂 R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ F: babe...cant you see me??😭😭😭 R: i see u!!!!💙 F: Chaeyoung, I love you💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 R: I do too💙💙💙🌼🌼🌼 F: Change will do an all nighter ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ It would have to be true to see it all (comments) .. F: Unni if you look at this, I will have a better life now.. euang (crying) .. My comment keeps on missing unni’s eyes.. Did you see my letter? It’s a green clover envelope.. I wrote a lot about unni, I wrote it well.. I wanted to let you know that you have a fan like me.. R: I saw the letter!! ㅎㅎㅎ 💙🌼 F: Unni is hard working ㅠㅠ Reply, Replyyy ㅜㅜ R: Im sorry that I can’t finish it (reading the comments)😭 F: if you don't think you look like Chipmunk then what are you Rosie? btw i kid tueng you na ka R: hmm...... hahahahhaa i dunno🤣💙 F: when will i ever get a reply from you rosie? iloveyousomuch from the bottom of my heart 💙💙💙💙 but should i give up? :(( R: hahaha babo! haha i remember thatt hahaha 💙💙 dont give up hahaha i love u moreeeee F: You've been working hard bae. You replied to blinks a lot. Can you reply to me too? I love you 😘🙉🙉🙉🙉 R: 💙💙🙈🌼🙈love u F: My baby peach 🍑 Is it cute? R: jjang!! F: Chaeng, Do you like chocolates??? 💖😁 R:I like… Jelly!! ㅎㅎㅎㅎ F: Chaeng, are you still going to yoga these days ?? Are you being lazy???ㅋㅋㅋ R: Im working hard!! No laziness!! Hehehe💙💙😇 F: Chaeng is chatting R: Nyongan F: Is it too late now to say sorry? 💙 R: nope not too late ahahhaa F: Notice me rosé unnie💙 R:💙 F: Chaeng-aㅜㅜ R: yess?? 😢💙 F: What kind of jelly do you like?☺☺ R: Jelly… So difficult.. I think I like all of it.. No one can just like one hehehe F: Rose, can u told to 챙, i love 챙 so much 💙💙💙💙 R: haha will do!!🤣💙 F: The view would be nice if you went at night👍😍😍ㅋㅋㅋ R: Yeah~~ I want to go at night😭 F: rosie what is your favorite breed of dogs? 💙💙 R: i think just like dogs in general haha all dogs F: Chaeng is an angel for replying ㅠㅠㅠ Did you leave your wings in Australia???ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ💙💙💙💙❣❣❣❣❣❣ R: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ🙈💙 F: It’s really chaengㅠㅠㅠㅠ I love youㅠㅠㅠㅠ💙💙 R: 💙💙💙 F: Just a simple greeting… Nyongan 🤗🤗 R: Nyongan✌️✌️ R: Im going!! Now!! hehehe I’ll come back soon💙💙💙💙💙Have a good day!!!! 😇 R: i'll be back guys!! have a lovely dayy💙💙💙💙💙💙 ============================================== Mini convo of jisoo and rosè in rosès post ㅎㅎㅎㅎ Im not sure apt this translation ↓↓↓ JISOO: you look hungry in that photo ROSÈ: kyakyakyakyakㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ROSÈ: You look really hungry JISOO: I am hungry too ㅠ ROSÈ: ☹️☹️☹️☹️