#i dont think i can ever forgive this and the worst part is i cant forget it lol

[simpfordemetri]

Hi honey <3 Can you make a reaction from the guard when his partner makes friends very easily with other clans and was affectionate? Like being close friends with Benjamin or Kate and Tanya when in some situation they visit the Vulturis and reader jumps on them to hug them.

VOLTURI GUARDS X AFFECTIONATE MATE

A bit short but lets be honest,vampires are possesive creatures so the headcanons of this are almost the same cause none of them are okay with this.💗

✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧ ✧; :🎀: ;✧

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

ALEC

I dont really know how to make this long

Just no,you are his and he doesnt share,affection is ONLY for him

You want to make friends with them and talk friendly?Thats fine,he will let you be FOR A WHILE ,cause your time is also his

But dont you ever think about hug them,kiss them on the cheek or worst,jump in their arms

He will throw a big tantrum because in his eyes thats something he wouldnt do to you,so why are you doing it to him?He sees it as an attack to his feelings

JANE

Same,the twins are not too different and we all know it.so what were you thinking?

However,she wont throw a tantrum ,she will literally use her power on whoever you are hugging

And you best wish not to be hugging someone like Kate because that girl will throw hands

Expect silent treatment and cold looks,no begging from your part will make her forgive you anytime soon ,as her brother,in her eyes this is betrayal and there is no other way to think about it

DEMETRI

Is the most accepting one,as long as he has more quality time and affection than them is fine.

However he will get suspicious if he sees you giving a big amount of affection cause lets be real

Thats not okay?

If its a welcome hug ,etc… is fine

But constant hugs or cuddles to your friends?He will stop you but he is gentle while doing so

FELIX

He has to be there all the time,you want to spend time with them?Fine but he is there because why not?

Affection to your friends…If its a very long hug you will hear him growling and his expression stern while looking at you

He will scold you if you push his limits

Cause at the end of the day all of them are vampires and do not forget their possessiveness okay

HEIDI

While she doesnt tends to be a jealous person,she is insecure

She thinks no one else but her deserves your touch

She will be more discretely about it

A hand on your waist at all times so you cant scape her grip

That way you are not able to let go and hug anyone,are you?

[spatio-rift]

9/10 and 24/25 :3

Yesss thank you Smiles so sweetly. 💙

9. worst part of canon: we all know about this... taka(+orochimaru)s characterization thrown away in the war for jokes or to act as plot devices... i fear i may never forgive kishimoto. the atmosphere wasnt so tense that we needed karin to be crazy about sasuke again + that overt about wanting sasuke to bite her (?!). why is suigetsu acting like he wasnt captured and experimented on by orochimaru but worked for him like karin. why is juugo acting like sasuke is kimimaro when he clearly made the difference before. orochimarus weirdass change of heart because we needed the hokages to show up. or even suigetsu randomly stumbling upon a convenient scroll detailing how to undo shiki fuujin and his first thought (before he meets sasuke again) is to pocket it because it would be useful for sasuke?? like why was it in suigetsus hideout of all places. why does suigetsu even know what it means. im sorry i just dont think orochimaru discussed the matter of his arms & the first 4 hokages souls over the vivisection table and i dont believe sasuke ever brought it up during hebitaka because WHY WOULD HEEE. etc etc etc like am i making sense? they really are just there to move the plot along and play out a joke once in a while. nothing about what happened when taka separated matters at all in the war theyre barely even characters

10. worst part of fanon: 100% the tendency to make everyone friends i think its so boring!!! like in what world are taka invited to karuis wedding? in what world is karin a guest star on the real housewives of konoha (=joining them for brunch). what exactly do temari and karin have in common other than both having the Kishimoto Woman Personality Type #1.

its so much more fun to have characters who just cant stand each other. naruto dislikes taka for literally no reason and its hilarious we should keep it that way. no way im ever believing karui genuinely befriends sakura i think they should HATE having to see each other all the time because their girls are besties. it will always feel more natural &balanced to me + im more inclined to believe 2 characters whove never talked to each other could be great friends if youve also considered who they DONT mesh with at all.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: im trying to remember the sort of discourse ive seen on twitter… but i think i will be boring and say like anything about sakura honestly and especially her relationship with sasuke. the only thing i can think about rn is her fake confession to naruto i dont know what about it gets people going THAT much but they are naastyyy about it.

discourse about Saradas REAL Mom i also steer clear of as much as i can. disgusting. nasty. rancid. i hate that its still a thing people argue about in 2024

you could literally say anything about a naruto woman and it will bring up disgusting discourse honestly

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing: i cant remember anything specific and i know i will feel silly right after posting because like 5 different things will immediately come back to me. here are a few

-> that sasukes ending sucks but everything could be fixed if he got to travel the world with taka. because he #DeservesIt. no the fuck he doesnttttt he should go on his own since he wants them to leave him alone so much.

-> i guess more generally all the complaints about narutos ending SPECIFICALLY about everyone getting married and having kids. i really dont careeee the kids are cute the pairings were set in stone from the beginning everyone is happy. im happy. who give a shit.

also its not exactly a complaint but every other comment on any kind of naruto side content (like sasuke retsuden manga etc) being like "this is awesome not like that trash boruto" SHUT UP!!!! i understand not liking the story of boruto and i understand feeling disappointed by it as a sequel to naruto but you dont have to bring it up all the time!! just move on!!! ignore it!!! you will be much happier!!!

[artfilmfan]

I don't think i've ever despised US politics more (i've always been critical of the foreign policy under basically any US president during my lifetime - even under Obama it was disastrous, but this has gone now beyond all acceptable limits), BOTH parties. The DNC is the display of everything that is wrong with the US political system (basically two right wing parties that follow AIPAC guidelines, one of them pretending to be left while it hasnt been for ages, a few issues alone and waving lgbt and minority flags doesnt make you progressive if you allow genocide to happen to people that look different than you or follow a different religion) and just how incredibly one sided they are about the whole thing. Hosting exclusively hostages from one side while forgetting there are many more Palestinians hostages in prisons (or torture camps as even the more decent Israeli journalists call them) without any evidence, children included. Palestinians don't even exist for them, their suffering doesnt exist and they are not allowed on that DNC stage to even say how THEY feel about it all, or their POV. They are still giving a blank check to Netanyahu (who is a wanted war criminal by international law and with all the ICJ rulings) to do whatever he wants including sending more military aid while Palestinian children and other civilians are literally being blown apart, after destroying basically everything in Gaza and killing more than 10 percent of the entire Palestinian population (those numbers could be even much higher after all is examined). Anything that happens on US election day is totally on them. Anything that happens out of disgust of enabling all this is totally on them.

At this point i dont think i have anything else to say on this matter, my words wont change anything, even far more important people cant do anything about it as it seems, i'm done talking about it. We will however never forget or forgive this and we will act on it as much as we can. Boycotts (the financial consequences of them are already working worldwide and its only the beginning), disrupting events of any kind that feature the enablers, letting anyone involved in this know how an entire generation of people feels about it all will be the least we can do. The young and future voters (that they are alienating more and more, that's why they fear tiktok so much) will one day be the decisive factor and they too will not forget what they did when it mattered. Sooner or later there will be a boomerang effect. And then maybe there will be some kind of justice, although far too late for the present generation of Palestinians going thru the worst anyone could ever imagine. Almost one year of all this and the powers that be still pretend its nothing. The world really failed you Palestine and i'm truly sorry and embarassed i'm part of this world that let it happen and go on for this long. The protests and the epic scale of them is the only good thing that happened because of it. I hope they continue on many levels until there is true justice for Palestinians.

[toxooz]

The canvases aren’t even safe 😭 they used the Boroque era as reference for their search engines. Like I’m losing my shit constantly over ai art so bad. Like this is totally gonna be a rant so forgive me but it’s driving up the WALLS. Ai art being readily available is killing the incentive for people to be creative. I cannot tell you how many times I think I’ve found a really cool fellow artist on tiktok and then see #midjourney. I take psychic damage every time that happens to me. And I’m starting to see it infiltrating business too where they generate ai images instead of hire photographers. I also saw someone selling tshirts with ai art on it at my local farmers market. MOTHERFUCKER THE FARMERS MARKET??? HAVE YOU NO SHAME????

NAW PREACH IT cause its become a nagging issue for me for a while that i simply try to not think about and dwell on but dear FUCKING god is it everywhere and it's painfully obvious too! just about every ad takes me 3 seconds to find damning evidence that its ai and im 99% ready to just delete facebook bc #1 i dont give a fuck abt anyone on there anymore and #2 Literally every other post is the most deplorable ai shit ive ever seen that everyone is carelessly oblivious to i mean total abominations that don't make any sense as an image but ppl share bc its the most bottom of the barrel ''relatable'' shit and that's just the sad reality of it is most people don't even give a shit what they're looking at as long as it looks pretty to their eyes for 3 seconds they don't give a damn

and that's just on basic everyday world shit like u said there's so many mfs i think are decent artists where i legitimately cant tell its ai until i read their fuckshit bio or somethin, like that midjourney i didnt even know it was an ai program i would've just thought it was the name of a video game or some shit! like I feel like I'm kinda turning my back on the whole art community involuntarily bc i just dont trust any image i see most of the time and its fukkin sad i ESPECIALLY feel for the real artists prior to this shitshow who have art styles that now look so much like ai that they basically hijacked to feed the machine like I couldn't imagine spending thousands of dollars on an art college and hours of practice just for your art style to be The Blueprint for empty soulless photos cranked out at inhuman rates by any stupid fucking lazy ass clown like Fuck Man it all sucks so much and the worst part is I just feel like it's one of those things where it will not stop until Something caves and i honestly dont know which one it will be but i just know its only going to get worse idk i try to remember that i can pick up a paintbrush or even whatever the hell i want and make something beautiful while 98% of these ai sacks of shit are just limited to stealing other peoples art on the internet and they couldn't even paint a damn flower if their lives depended on it and if i was stuck on a deserted island I'd probably still find ways to make art with whatever tools and resources i have cause that's an artist baybay but as far as The Internet and its grasp it has on the world and trying to make it as a digital artist and trying to make money from your homemade artwork is very grim man and dont even get me started on art and artists in just about every job field rn my heart goes out to them

[kalocart]

IEYTD characters and Y/N that has anxiety

Platonic, romantic, take it as you will.

The Handler

He has had his fair share of scares in his field days. But also has had to handle agents panicking in life or death situations.

Would make you some tea and let you talk about it.

If theres no particular reason as to why your in such state, then he reassures you that it's okay.

Of you need silence, he'll give you that, need something to put your mind off of it? He can do that also.

If you ever get a panic attack he would hug you if near by or would calm you down via ear piece if he's far.

Whatever you need he will try his best to help, for thats his job as a handler.

"Whatever you need, im here for you"

Hivemind

Probably the first time he's had to help you with it.

Man is a bit crazed so forgive him for not seeing the signs earlier.

Assuming that you dont mind bees or even might like them considering weather you work or date him. He would get a couple of his bees to swarm you but not harm you in hopes to calm you down with the sound of buzzing.

Would probably bring honey flavored things to you to sheer you up.

Need a distraction, he will talk about the beuty of the bees.

If you get a Panic attack he would be extremely worried. Like get his bees away from you (for the safety of both) and will panic a bit calling out for you. Maybe think your sick or poisoned.

Once he realizes he might call doctor zor for help since he's the closest to a medical profecional.

In the end hes hugging you on the floor affirming you.

"Everything is fine, everything's going to be fine, me and my bees are here for you"

Comander Solaris

She would notice you being a bit more fidgety then normal as you two talk about the latest ship.

She would ask if you wanna talk about it and if not she would ask how she could help.

She would probably give you her desert food ration.

If you get a panic attack, worst in space, she will try to ground you.

If its during a space walk to fix the ship, she will help you and calm you down, maybe give you confidence.

"Y/n. Y/n! Listen. I know you can go through with this, you are part of the team we will be here by your side when you need us"

John Juniper

He can spot it from a mile away.

Its not from personal experience, more of him seeing it on other actors.

He might boast about how he's never experienced it and the show must go on.

But he would still help a fellow member of the cast crew.

Idk he gives me the hunch that if its one of those times where you get anxiety with no reason he would think its stupid but maybe keep it to himself because he doesn't want to make it worst.

He would help you with breathing exercises and telling you he believes in you, weather you just draw up the curtains or one of the actors.

God forbade that you get a panic attack during a live show, worst if your an actor.

He would be frustrated, you signed up for this! The show must go on!

But still, he would grab you by the shoulders and pep you up.

"Listen, you were picked for this roll, and you cant back out now. I trust the producers choice of you being the best for the role. Not better than me but still. I need you to take a deep breath in, and out... okay? Now go out there!"

The fabricator

Depending on how close you are to her.

If its just in the area of work colleagues she wouldn't care. As long as you do your work correctly then its okay.

But if your friends with her its a diferent situation.

Probably take you to a spa for manipeties.

And if you have a panic attack shes preped for any last minute mishap.

She has make up to hide any puffy eyes, hair products for hair, sewing kit on hand.

She would fix you up once you've calmed down. No friend of hers will go out looking like they came out of a tornado.

"Listen, your y/n, and im the fabricator, we are beutiful as we are deadly. The others should think twice of what they say or do to us. Unless they want their watches to self destruct"

Dr. Zor

Genuenly they would not give two shits about your anxiety. Depending on how useful you are they might even prescribe you drugs so you can shut the fuck. (If your on medication then its okay, but mind you, your getting these from a listened psychiatrist who is catering your needs and doses. Dr.zor isnt one and they are an evil dentist so I see them prescribing people random opiets to see what works to shut them up)

But if you get them to actually care for you then its a diferent story

They would have a weighed blanket.

If the anxiety is from fear of dentists they would happily do your treatments personally.

Some tea, relaxing piano, and if you want to they would gladly listen to you or by request would talk about his plans. Maybe ask you for help on simple tasks.

If you ever get a Panic Attack they would go to you and try their best to calm them down. Wrapping you with the weight blanket and tell you to take deep breaths.

"Do not worry, for as long as your with me, nothing will hurt you"

Extra

Agent Phoenix (wasnt gonna add them since technically their us like a y/n but why not)

They do not fear death but understands that others don't have such luxury.

They would try to make you laugh with telekinesis and doing dumb shit.

Although sometimes will make it worst with all the bold stuff they do.

They barely talk, almost not at all but you still know their intentions.

They may spill a bunch of tea using their telekinesis to pour you a cup.

Genuenly the only thing they would be worried of is them being the reason for you getting more anxious or worst giving you a panic attack.

They would calm you down by giving you random stuff that they think you would like, either a sandwish, some tea, one of their golden scorpions. Usually you would get a mess on you but they give them to you by hand in fear of accidentally making a mess.

Like always they calm you in silence.

Idk how to seperate my coment thing so here you go in chat. I hope I didn't messed up in a way, I didn't see any IEYTD head canons so I wanted to put my two scents.

I didnt include characters from the third game since I haven't finished playing it, still looking for the figurine in the 4th level.

I'll try to include them next time, but for now I hope you guys enjoyed this

[gg-selvish]

what would you say is really going through sap’s head in the last scene since its george’s pov? i feel like you can pretty much tell based on like what he says and the body language but im interested if there’s anything more

see this is one of the cool things about when we're older. i feel like i could write a whole separate fic just writing the alternate POV for each scene because theyre both perceiving and processing everything that happens incredibly differently and george even has the thought in the last scene that he thought they were fine but sapnap is on a completely different page. hes a sealed box.

thats basically what it is. 16yo sapnap promised himself he'd never let george hurt him again and with comfy, the uk trip, he let george hurt and worsen him a lot. he was in love with him and even though he pretended to hate george i dont think he did a very good job of hiding the love. it was still there it was painful. he calls it that: pain

so then cut to what, 6 years later? george is a different person, approaching him docile and nervously and kind for the second time now. this time he's not immediately done something wrong but the resentment has built so high sapnap doesn't trust him as far as he can throw him even though the love he's been trying to repress is right at the top of his throat when george is around. he can yell and push him away as much as he wants but he chokes on it. george is unaware of his feelings for most of it but sapnap is drowning

and then george offers himself on a silver platter but in a way where sapnap is still the one reaching and he cant do that. he promised himself. so he says he wont, expecting george to give up but george doesnt. george uses the same words he used to ask him out to proves that moment meant something and then they kiss and george is so gentle and kind for his first time and the worst part is he cant even really enjoy it unless hes lost in it because he still doesnt trust george and starts to doubt that its just a sexual tension thing and not really love because when has george ever seemed to love him?

he drops a bit when they finish up, realizing that theyre back to reality and george is gonna be george again and sure he said nice things at first but is that real? sapnap doesnt trust him.

but george picks up on it and gives him a hug and a promise. then he cleans him up with uncharacteristic care and is more affirming and sapnap is shaky like a newborn fawn but george is putting in effort and that means something to him. maybe its not trust yet, but theyre getting there.

its kinda like rules (booooo) this not-yet-forgiveness but acceptance and hope for change. ive enjoyed writing things like that. it feels more realistic than tying everything neatly up with a bow

[subzeromoron]

i love mika kagehira so much you cant even begin to comprehend how perfect he is i literally love him so much i would pay as much as i need to even catch a glimpse of him in real life hes literally the most perfect man his voice is amazing he also looks very cute hes very charismatic and funny i dont understand how anyone could hate him but mika haters exist sadly so i would do anything in my power and beyond to destroy them. mika kagehira has done nothing wrong he doesn’t deserve anything bad that he experienced however what i do know is that he deserves me. i love him so very so much i would forgive him for doing the worst thing ever i would take a bullet for this man i would die for him i would do anything to make him happy and keep his smile. mika kagehira is a perfect ten out of ten he doesn’t deserve anyone else (except maybe me and shu) but mika is practically a god at this rate because nothing on earth will replace him and his power. he is so undeniably amazing you dont understand at all he looks so beautiful every detail about him is beautiful from the little ahoges standing on his hair to his classy shoes he is perfect not only in his looks but in his personality voice and whatnot. starting from his hair his hair looks so fluffy it’s the perfect kind of green to keep your eyes cool also his hair is such a nice add to his features it fits him so well. moving on to his eyes, he has heterochromia meaning one eye has a beautiful shade of yellow and one with the most intricate color of blue. his interpretation of his eyes is that his amber eye represents happiness and the latter represents sadness. the reason to this is because he believes he is nothing but a tool and doll meant to be manipulated by someone (shu). this is not true. he is a human being, capable of amazing things (including perhaps marrying me). mika kagehira’s eyes are a huge part of his story, and i can see why. he is insecure about them, however i don’t see a reason to think so. his eyes perfectly compliment his hair. moving on to his facial features, his face is created with such complexity it completes the whole look. not much is to say about that, but without it he wouldn’t look the same. (i’d still love him though). mika’s sense of style is very very very amazing and great, his clothing choices are very very very cute. he chooses the best colors to go with his features, with guidance from his friends shu and arashi. an example of it is his casual summer outfit, created with enough harmony between the colors gray, white, black and even a little accent of orange. this man looks good in anything, and when i say anything i mean anything. whatever he wears, he will always catch my heart. on another note, his voice is PERFECT. it matches him so well, and happyelements found the best voice actor. his kansai accent is very cute, and he sounds especially heavenly when he speaks and sings. his solos and even his unit/shuffle/other songs are given a unique taste whenever he joins in. his personality fits his character so much too — he is literally the embodiment of being adorable, humble, selfless, responsible, athletic, brave, funny, charming, and so much more. he is so so so adorable and helpful, anyone who receives his help and attention should know how lucky they are. he’s so dedicated too — exvalk proves that. he would do anything for his friends and family, and he cares for even the smallest things. to quote shu, “kagehira does not throw anything away. even if it falls from his hands over and over, even if those very hands of his are torn off, he’ll pick it up and love it, that’s the kind of human he is.” he would pick up plushies he finds in the dumpsters and garbages and mends it so it has a new life again. HE CARES THE SAME WAY FOR HIS FRIENDS. he is so loyal if he was a dog he would’ve been mans very best friend. he is practically amazing over all, i very very much love him for that. to say i love him is an understatement, but nothing can describe it.

am i (il)legally allowed to marry mika now

Yeah

I have a feeling that you have more written honestly

[acaciapines]

What does the post ending of 'The Holiday-Dreemur Kids' look like? How does it compare to what's featured in 'So I'm Waiting For The Teeth' and 'Dear Dess, Love Asriel'? You're are genuinely my favorite deltarune author and 'i know i'm not well (but i'm alright)' is by far my favorite deltarune fic (and in my list of all time fav fanfics) and I would LOVE to know what if any future you've envisioned for the cast?

ok well first off THIS IS SO SWEET THANK U SM......i dunno it always makes me so happy 2 know people return to my fics and me being your?? favorite?? deltarune author???? wild.

n all honestly i didnt really envision any sort of future once i finished up the series, i essentially see both homegrown hearts (for the kids) and dess, after (for dess n azzy) as the futures for the cast as i wrote them in i know i'm not well! this means theres a Whole Lot Of Life unaccounted for yes lol but that leaves it open for you to decide! they made it through the hardest part now they get to live their lives.

tho i will say some cute things ive always sort of pictured would be ralsei going to high school w the rest of the fun gang...she gets out of the dark world pretty early so she's got like, two or three years of high school experiences. i imagine kris susie and noelle really run with the bit of ralsei being a foreign exchange student (from their school's closet) just to see how far they can push it. i doubt they're super secretive about the dark worlds after this tho lol once ralsei gets out its like. why keep the worlds separate?

all the kids are way more mentally healthy here lol since they wouldve worked out the worst of their stuff earlier! im not sure what they'd do as adults...kris and noelle sharing a dorm room is still the funniest thing EVER to me. i also really like the idea of ralsei studying religion...as someone who doesnt study religion idk exactly what that would look like, but i think she'd find it really interesting and really relate to the idea of finding meaning in a world, though im not sure i see her as being like. actively religious herself after the dark worlds. i just feel like studying it is a way for her to forgive her past self, in a way? for how she clung to the prophecy. dunno. might do something with this idea one day. probably not, but we'll see.

on the dess and asriel side of things, asriel would meet chara! in this universe xe was dess's friend first but xe and azzy would hit it off too. asriel and dess playfully fight over xir and chara thinks it is very stupid (xe can have two friends!) but also won't complain about the pair of them doing all the chores xe doesnt want to do lol. i feel like prooooobably one big difference would be chara and azzy not having a qpr? that's an idea i like which is why i explored it in dear dess, love asriel, and i like xir having one with dess which will be seen in the dess raises kris au, but for this particular universe i think both dess and azzy being there means theyre all just close friends! chara doesnt let dess babysit though. dess is fine with this. she is not a huge fan of being responsible for children lol.

dess and kris continue to repair their relationship. for missing so many of kris's birthdays theres a good ten year span where dess goes super all-out. probably plans a surprise party that kris 100% knows about but thinks is really sweet so they dont say anything until the very end.

but thats just a few ideas i came up with! none of these would ever be written in any way bc i cant see myself writing more for the holiday-dreemurr kids universe...those stories are over and while i hope to write more deltarune stuff in the future (i have a LOT of ideas for the dess raises kris au), these particular fics are all in the 'it's free real estate' territory. their futures are whatever you could picture!

[goremet-chef]

maybe ill tell my mom im hungry? im so. my entire LIFE i have always always hated asking for things like so much so that i stopped asking for things on my BIRTHDAY because im like. terrified of being seen as selfish? idk its funny cuz parents will like. god forbid i get a treat when im a kid, then all the grown ups in my life look down and call me spoiled as if they didnt give me the treat, and they still think children arent capable of complex thought so they didnt anticipate that id internalize it for the rest of my life but here we are 😁😁

so i just. god i hate asking for things it makes me feel so shitty but i think shes gonna go somewhere anyways? and EVENTUALLY hes going to run out of things to cook so maybe if i ask she'll bring home some food (vent/rant)

that is one thing that always bothers me tho ive got? idk my mom is. shes my mom i guess, currently she treats me very nicely but when her bf was gone for a few years all that anger was directed at me so yknow. i guess shes over it? or she tries to make up for it, but if im not given an apology, i wont forgive or forget even. it was mutual, lots of arguing on the basis of politics at time, but sometimes it was just fucking nothing, to the point where she'd even admit that i didnt deserve that treatment its just. SIGHHHHH im over it at this point im just trying to get out atp yknow? but like

my sibling asks for LOTS of things. and they get all of them. money for computer parts? sure. money for literally any thing? sure. new game? sure

im not bitter about it, as long as my mom can afford it i dont care. but like....... whenever I ask for things, its usually a no

because of my BPD, i take rejection really hard, its the worst pain in the world so i kinda just stopped asking for anything at all to avoid the feeling. then they always are like "ohh what do you want for yr birthday we cant just get you nothing" but i actually DID ask for something on my birthday. i asked for a copy of pokemon black for the ds. it was the only thing ive directly asked for in years, and i didnt get it which is super embarrassing. like whats the point of bothering me about what i want if you dont listen to me when i do? they always get me what they THINK i want and its this really outdated version of me that doesnt even exist anymore, its makes me dissociate knowing thats what they see me as when im just not that anymore. even when i tell them its null

IDK its jsut a whole thing, idk how to feel about it anymore. its to the point where like. my friends take me out sometimes but i mean. they know im broke, they know i have no job, they know i have no income. but im terrified the entire time that theyre gonna like. ask me to pay or something, and i always do my best to just do nothing when we go out cuz i really like. even when they offer to get me things it makes me feel so fucking shitty man i feel like im just leeching off of them even when they offered. even when they tell me they like getting me things it just. it feels so bad. and GOD its embarrassing, when we're walking around stores and all im doing is just following them around because i have like FIVE DOLLARS in my pocket at most. things like that make me want to never leave my house again, it just sucks.

im jealous of them if im honest, because they have jobs and i dont. but i dont think? i genuinely am unsure id ever be able to get a job. im not well adjusted like them, im constantly dissociating, constantly tired, my sibling yesterday, i made a comment about my mom leaving without telling me at all and he was like "well she said she was leaving on the weekend didnt she?" like yes, she did, but i genuinely have no idea what day it is at any given point. all i know is the number, i dont know the day of the week ever.

like im so. fucked, im fucked! totally, even if i managed to get me shit together, relearn the days of the week, set a good sleep schedule, im fucked anyways because i dont know how to be a person at all. an interview sounds fucking terrifying, ESPECIALLY if i dont know the questions theyre going to ask. i do really REALLY poorly with actual human conversation, like its painful. and pretty much everyone around me thinks im kinda creepy or weird in some way, so theyd DEFINITELY be able to tell. i have no resume, i dont even know what that IS. like im so fucked!! i wasnt able to pass highschool, i cant partake in a conversation if i dont somehow have both sides planned perfectly.

little unsure about my odds, gotta be honest

but at the same time like? i keep hearing people say "if you cant work then get disability insurance" am i disabled? everyone around me tells me im just not trying hard enough. they laugh at me when i say i just cant. even if it covers mental illness, i? i dont know. im constantly in denial of things because my family specifically my mom like. a long time ago she told me i just couldnt be autistic, because im "too smart"

?????? it showed me immediately that she has absolutely no fucking idea what shes talking about ever, i bet she couldnt list more than 2 symptoms of autism like genuinely. im not even smart also????? maybe id be a genius, if i could retain information after 5 minutes 💀💀 its complete bullshit man, im just. im at a loss

and then they have the audacity to mock me for not knowing how to be a person in the world, when THEY shouldve taught me. it was THEIR job to help guide me through it, and they didnt. they laugh and roll their eyes and scoff when i tell them oh i dont know how to use a stove, i dont know what food stamps are i dont know how to dress for a job interview ETC

they expect ill know, that i wouldve jsut picked it up over time but surprise! i didnt. i need instruction i need CLEAR instruction and no one will give it to me. its so frustrating man, they suck ass and they just make me feel WORSE about myself. like good fucking god, give me a break

idk im just. exhausted. im tired of just cramming my problems down because the people around me are incapable of seeing me as anything other than a child, and children dont have problems, right? i have no right to complain if my backs constantly hurting, if im too tired to feed myself properly, if i cant leave my house for 2 seconds without feeling the deepest dread. like be so serious bro

i cant wait to fucking move out, but.. how? my friends said its okay if i cant always make enough money from art to pay rent, but no. i dont believe them at all. theyre just being nice to me and i dont even deserve that, i fucking refuse i cant just. im always dead weight, its so frustrating. it frustrates the people around me, too. i feel like such a fucking burden man, its so tiring. if its not things i just dont know how to do, its fear. oh i cant help clean the garage because its crawling with spiders, i cant take out the trash because the trash bins are crawling with spiders. i cant walk down the stairs because i saw a spider on the ground. they fucking hate me man

i know what they see me as, but i have no idea how to convince them that its not me. they think im rude because i dont know how to properly communicate, i say things and its rude to them and i feel bad because i didnt intend to come off that way. everyone thinks im selfish, they think im overdramatic. exaggerating. if they could live in my head for one day, they wouldnt think that anymore

its so exhausting because you dont even get any sort of sympathy from them! just like. awkward pity, and it makes me wish i was never born. never oh im sorry yr feeling that way, do you wanna talk about it? never

they see me as such an obvious burden but they? i dont know! i genuinely cant understand, they think i just have no complex emotions? they think i cant hear it, cant see it? they think i dont feel like a burden when they tell me i am. its so stupid

i cant stand being around anyone, and it just pushes me FURTHER into dissociation. ive got an interesting thing with that. see, typically when yr dissociate with a dissociative disorder like OSDD or DID, that hazy period in time opens up for another alter to front, you dissociate away and get tucked inside yr head. except i get maladaptive daydreams. so im fully dissociated in another world basically but im still physically present. its like i just always take up space thats never meant for me, in every conceivable way. i hate it.

i know, when i finish typing this, ill feel a lot better. which is just embarrassing, bpd fucking sucks. having no emotional permanence is EMBARRASSING when im over here crying on my knees about my problems and then the second i get it out i feel completely fine. it just makes me invalidate my very real emotions even further and its so.

im just. whatever.

just spit it out and stop looking that way

[mrfoox]

I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad

[sasukeless]

while i do think part of late stage naruto writing was just to wrap things up, sasuke completely forgiving itachi really just shows that he will always be the little brother. i mean not just logically lol like the personality, the little brother that looks up to his big brother and looks up to him and looks to him for guidance, regardless of how right or wrong it is. like yes sasuke was gonna attack konoha when its the opposite of what itachi wanted, but in the end its still influenced by his feelings for itachi (non rom. obviously). itachi can do whatever he wants or thinks he has to do and sasuke will forgive him. meanwhile you have itachi who also will always see sasuke as the little brother, emphasis on little, controlling him and what he does, up to the very end, never seeing sasuke as a grown person that can make his own decisions or even considering why sasuke does what he does, always clouded by his unquestioning loyalty to konoha. i think ironically people calling him a genius really fucked with his intelligence since he always thinks hes in the right (planning on brainwashing his own baby brother??).

i think it would be super interesting to see a what-if scenario where itachi survives post-war and continues this. probably not to the same degree but you cannot tell me he would just suddenly go 'ok sasuke i trust you know whats right for you:)' there is just no fucking way. and sasuke having the time and space to actually think about how his big brother is not right, not just pushing it aside to blow konoha up in grief and anger. like actually getting to work these things out and. idk where im going with this. feel free to reply publicly

u really read my mind like to me itachi the worst case of Older Sister u will ever see but sasuke also is the worst case of little sister when u actually stop to think it through because he reallyyyy would forgive itachi for all and i cant say that doesnt makes sense. im a middle child but for the longest time i was the little sister and i know whats being on the spot of forgiving the worst things from my sister does even when i KNOW i wouldnt forgive that from anyone else (not to trauma dump here but i was literally outed by my own sister to my parents horribly and even if its one of my worst memories like Ever. i really forgave her the second she did it). like of course in sasuke and itachi’s case is soooo far worse and their power dynamic is so much more messed up but it makes complete sense to me i cant lie about that. and also i find their relationship one of the most compelling things in the manga along with sns because of that. its horrible but god if its not gut-wrenching. sasuke will ALWAYS deserve better in my eyes but his love for itachi is so so big and unfortunately for him itachi also loves him the same his problem is that his way of loving sasuke is soooo bad, that in the end even if its sad to see sasuke losing his brother a second time itachi dying is the Best outcome for both cus had he kept living his way to love sasuke would just have continued to mess with sasuke’s life. Like youre so rightt had itachi survived post war he wouldve NOT been suddenly become the best brother thats just not how he ever was w sasuke, even if he didnt saw it he wouldve kept trying to make sasuke follow the life path he puts for him, but also like u said i think w itachi alive and sasuke himself growing up he wouldve also on his own began to put his foot down too to itachi Worst Older Sister syndrome. because the thing about grief is that when u lose someone you love you dont want to think of the bad memories so it makes sense after itachi’s death sasuke refuses to think badly of him even if he has all the reasons, and keeps him STILL on that pedestal of older brother and its insane but like i said. i get it

[wasflypaw]

Every time I try to have a look into the c!Dream enthusiast side of the fandom, mainly on Twitter... whether its bc I accidentally stumbled across a post, whether its bc I saw it in a tag, whether its bc I saw a screenshot, whether its bc it literally had "c!Dream antis read this" in it, whatever, its ALWAYS something that makes me feel mildly nauseous. And it's getting harder to avoid - I've blocked all the blogs but more are popping up

In an effort to stop the fandom "dehumanising" c!Dream by... seeing him as the abuser and villain he is, they dehumanise every other character and in a really personal, offensive way as well

c!Tommy - he and c!Dream are "bad for eachother", c!Tommy was "annoying him", c!Tommy "brings out the worst in c!Dream", talking about his existence as if he's Just been a burden to c!Dream, talking about The Exile Arc as if it was some sort of "necessary evil", a means to an end, as if c!Tommy needed changing for the SMP to have a happy ending. Never, ever using language that makes c!Dream sound like 100% the abuser and 100% the victim, sneakily dancing around the topic or using words that place part of the blame on c!Tommy himself. Feeling more sympathy that c!Dream was stuck with the kid that annoyed him soooooo much over the fact that c!Tommy was literally stuck with his abuser. Making out as if his POV is unreliable and you cant use it as your sole judgement on c!Dream as if he's not the only guy c!Dream shows his TRUE colours to

Wilbur - Despite people begging not to, Horrifically misusing words with very heavy meanings like "xenophobia" and "colonization" to describe c!Wilbur making a country on untouched land and hating Americans as a British dude when the Americans did not suffer or lose anything not bring allowed in L'Manberg. Completely removing his trauma (yknow... The Final Control Room.) and mental illness to make him out to be the Big Baddie. Use literally any other words!!!! Idc if you think he's in the wrong or that he took c!Dream's land or whatever!! Just use other words!!!

c!Sam and The Prison - Do I have to explain why referring to c!Sam as a Corrupt Cop and Comparing the Prison to an Irl Prison can be bad or offensive. Do I Really Have To. I once saw a post saying if you dont support irl Prisons you cant support c!Dream being in the prison

c!Sapnap, c!George, c!Puffy, etc - "Cutting off your toxic friend is bad, actually!" c!Dream has repeatedly hurt c!Sapnap by getting his pets killed, destroying his house, helping destroy his Eiffel Tower, c!Dream was Trusted With Mars and he unnecessarily gave it to Tommy. Etc. The final straw was him witnessing what c!Dream was doing to c!Tommy and c!Tubbo, two other people he cared about as he's allowed other friends. And him helping lock c!Dream away for their safety is seen as "abandoning his spiralling friend" and "something c!Dream shouldnt forgive him for". Its like,, if your friend repeatedly hurts you and everyone you care about, leaving them for your mental health is Not a bad thing

And the thing that spurred on me making this post:

Ghostbur - Basically c!Wilbur with repressed memories. This is a whole ass being with thoughts and feelings, right, yet he has issues with memory. Like... a disability perhaps. I've seen some of the grossest things about him. In an effort to downplay Doomsday its "Ghostbur wouldve forgotten anyway". When talking about his literal death its "an opportunity c!Dream could benefit from" or "c!Dream was desperate, he had to!" as if they're talking about some sort of tool to discard, as if Ghostbur is lesser... Its Disability Pride Month rn, btw, and I Just saw this shit be said

Fictional Characters Or Not, The Rhetoric You Use Can Hurt People.

I'm sick of being guilt tripped, seeing them say "they hate us because we like c!Dream" it's like?? No,,, I hate the Uncomfortable Stuff You Manage To Say About Every Character!!!!

I dont hate You Personally because I Do Not Know You Personally. I Do Not Think you believe this stuff irl. I would not break up a friendship if a friend thought any of this stuff. But that doesnt make it any less uncomfortable seeing it casually just.. Out There. Like I'm c!Dream critical but I've shut down people saying shit like "c!Dream probably enjoys being hurt in prison he's probably not human lol" because that's bad!!! Do Not Say Stuff Like That!!!

I actively dissuade people from saying stuff like "c!Dream deserves it" or whatever. But I'm still accused of invalidating his trauma because I.... said I wanted less tonal dissonance in the prison and it didnt feel like I was watching someone whose been tortured for months on end when watching Dream act out his character... when I repeatedly make sure to say stuff like "he has been through the worst pain on the SMP", I use the word "torture" every time, I refuse to downplay it, and I Never defend c!Sam or c!Quackity on what theyve done. Theyve done that shit, there's no downplaying or shifting the blame. I even shut down anons telling me c!Dream has been faking his trauma in the prison for attention because that too is uncomfortable!! I Try My Damn Hardest Man!!!!

The shit I've had in my askbox bc I dared not be sympathetic to c!Dream while his abuse victim hasnt had a healing arc yet is...

1. Because of an ask I got saying Dream is portraying trauma he hasnt experienced and it's okay to be critical of his acting (Months worth of torture and solitary confinement in a prison cell) I got vagued by someone telling others I was invalidating Dream's actual experiences with abuse irl?? That I said he was faking going through that?? How fucking Dare you accuse me of that AND weaponize your CCs real life trauma that you have no right to talk about Like That in apologist discourse??? Do you hear yourself??? I still want an apology for this btw.

2. I got told "its kinda weird" that I dont sympathise with c!Dream in prison, then this person actively twisted my words about the acting to make it seem like I'm saying c!Dream hasn't been traumatized or saying he should Act More Traumatized as in.. the character. It's like. Damn I dont accuse yall of invalidating trauma when you say Tommy's acting is kinda weird tf

3. The anon calling me "deranged" and "a BAD person" because of the above. More offensive language to add to the growing pile! Bc your fictional abuser matters more than what you say to a real life person :')

There's A Reason people are uncomfortable with c!Dream apologists. It's not due to a double standard, it's not due to just watching Tommy's POV or whatever,

Its because as someone whose been through similar shit to c!Tommy, someone whose had to cut off someone close to me because they hurt me, someone who has grown up with debilitating mental disorders, etc. I see the shit you say and I stay away. I see the anons you send me and I stay away.

This morning I saw a post directed towards c!Dream critical people, saying you should read it to possibly change your mind. And so I did, and two paragraphs down I saw shit like "c!Dream was stuck with the bane of his existence, the guy he hated so much, cant you see why he killed him" and it's like Damn I'm never giving yall a chance again!!! And these posts will never have a warning for victim blaming bc they dont think they're doing it.

This is becoming an even worse problem and I BEG of the fandom, not even Just c!Dream apologists, to watch their language and how they talk about these characters. Because for a series that's so dark and relatable, people dont treat it like it is...

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post

walking into his room like hiiiiiiiii sirius pov switch cant have noel having too much thoughts THAT IS NOT CAT SCRATCHING DOOR SOUNDS BUT ITS SO CUT EOH MY GJFDFHDROIQH3EROIQ3HE31OI CAT BRINGS EVEYRBDOIY OTGETEHR!! I LOVE CAT even if it might mean smth bad because black cats are known to be bad luck (even though thats complete and utter bullshit) but its also part of the monsters EVEYRBODY HAVINBG THE HEART REACITON TO THE KITTY ME TOO ME TOO noel claire and sirius interactions lets hecking GO yoiud think sirius would be heartless but nah if the cat must be fed the cat must be fed

OIH NMY GOD THEYA RE EFVRYTHING TMOME WHY DOES THE CAT LOOK SO CUTE. THEY ALL LOOK SO CUTE. THE WAY NOELS LOOKING AT CLAIRE. THE WAY SIRIUS IS JUST BEIGN PRETTY BOY. THE WAY CLAIRE IS BEING CLAIRE. IM SO FUCKIGNS AD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS CG ITS INSTANTLY ON EOF MY FAVS thank frick is sirius disliked cats i dont think id ever be able to forgive him rest in peave books........................ dogs are worse when it comes to organizing maybe sirius should just get a fish or a pet rock like a nerd (affectionate) SIRUSY CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO DRAW THAT SO TRUE CLAIRE ther sibligns ever... leaving claire alone with the cat gives me a bad feelin g but alr alr

ITS BEEN DROPPED,, the flashback though. agh. it makes me wonder if he’ll become more protective over claire sirius really is the best person to know about this but his mental state is so fragile if its tampered with the wrong way

dead on the floor. this game is just feeding me so much info and man i am LIVING for it it took so many loops to get to this point but man its happenign1! real!! but im just scared that ashe ansd wilardo might do something before then or overhear.d ahghjhhg. the murder is always sudden LOOK I LOVE SIRIUS AND I KNOW THAT ON IMPULSE THERE IS THE SLIGHTEST HCANCE HE’D KILL FOR DOROTHY BUT HE ALREADY THINKS SHES ALIVE AND SHE WOULDNT BE PROUD OF HIM but also i think like noel said he isnt the type of person to do that at all just. i fjhjkhhgh they make me so emotional WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. NOEL. WHY IS HE LIKE THAT WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM I STILL DONT GET IT IT COULD JUST BE STRESS BUT WHAT IF IT IS SOMETHING WORSE “just like lady dorothy” ouch. i really wonder whatr hes going to do now,, claire hows it feel reminding so many people of the dead

rouge looking genuinely slightly worried >>  guess she just got reminded of ashes wish ashe we can all agree is pthe most desperate one here the death rates literally prove it. idk  agh. so much could be wrong if noel chooses someone that betrays him?? i dont know i dont know HTE THING WITH THIS GAME IS THAT THEY ALL HAVE SNESIBLE WISHES BUT. GHHGHGJGHH

bbbbbbb babygirl there are so many things wrong with you. please stop IM GETTING SO UPSET OVER NOEL I REALLY FEEL LIKE ITS GOING TO GET WORS EAND WORSE AND THE FACT HRE WAS JUST THINKING ABT NICHOLAS BEFORE IT UGHKJHGKH BUT HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS IF HE WANTS TO GET ANYTHING DONE I DONT KNOW his body is destroying itslef even after this will it have a permanent effect  wait if the demon affected him that much of a time ago then why didnt it happen earlier./... why at the worst times side lime time my beloved according to the intro she gets a lot more screentime i think? or maybe all the demons do so hell yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MUSIC GOES SO HARD ANFD FOR WHAT lim e what thwe ruck okay listen!! i love her!! i think shes a really cool chafractwer and has a nice deisng + personality but when it comes to this i want to dropkick her to the absolute sun  wilardo being weak to emotions even after all these years. gn.

girl . shut up at this point youre just reaching in for your own desires you just want someone else to suffer or be like you ughyejkghgrheghghgh. shes not wrong. but thats because ashe cared so much that he cant move on. hes stuck in denial because he doesnt want to accept it him becoming a demon would be the complete opposite of what his family would want. but then again it feels like hes thrown that away with all of the things hes done but UGHYGH ITS COMPLICATED just jfc driving him insane with his own dreams idk man ashe desevres so much better please let him get proper therapy and help hes been so isolated lime stop self projecting and talkjing to yourself stop catching other people up in your misery i am so done killing them all noel would never do that even if he did he’d just feel so much unbearable guilt he’d feel no different than his father  idk idk i love this game :’D

[calebwittebane]

my Nightmare System is extremely efficient sometimes because last night i was being highly insane in an "i miss my abuser" manner and then had a long extensive tedious nightmare about him and how even after he "got better" i didnt enjoy a single second spent around him no matter how hard i tried (because i still genuinely cared about him), and about how much hes hurt me and how he still haunts me while alive, and how either that spectral presence or his actual literal presence and participation (because he always had to butt in and take control of everything in my life) would always end up damaging every relationship and every good thing in my life. he was so mad and confused when i started to refuse to give him any opportunity to personally ruin those things, but hes still here, just not in person. how he haunts me is what makes me largely unable to articulate my feelings (ive been learning though, as you can see), what makes me afraid of others, what makes me shut down and sleep through the time i wanted to be spending with my loved ones, what makes me constantly chase after myself. others warming up to him and becoming a link between him and myself is one of my huge fears.

i dont miss him, i cant think of a single moment i truly was happy around him; the idea i have in my head of being happy around him is a vague and false narrative i used to trick myself into believing to make my previous life seem less cruel and more bearable because at the time there was no escape. it has no reflection in reality and never did. i was never happy around him, not even for a moment. its because of him that i used to believe happiness as an emotion didnt exist.

the aftermath of the worst period of abuse (my entire childhood lol) is much clearer than when it was happening. i can articulate how i felt watching him "get better" and "try so hard" (i believe him, but...) as he still treated me like nothing, like i wasnt a person and just a punching bag and a scapegoat and a meek obedient toy and a vehicle to participate in things and get a thrill out of something. he was never even curious about anything i had to say. and of course i was supposed to ignore everything he used to do before that. of course i was supposed to forgive him, its not like i was innocent, i was such a horrible child after all - so clumsy and inept and rude and such an insufferable smartass - and besides its not even like he ever did anything Really bad, bah. sometimes he would allude to it in this vein and its like he was daring me to name something specific. comfortable in knowing that i wouldnt, and even if i did he could convince me i misremembered. he felt entitled to every single part of me and my life. he took credit for every one of my achievements. and all of the above i was supposed to feel happy about. happy and grateful, because it was all still such an improvement. i dont miss him. i dont miss anything about him. i dont miss the time i spent with him. i miss the world i escaped into at the time

[han-atz]

Its already to late… to understand, recognize, think and to sort this awful feeling, idk why the time that you felt broken you cant think about about anything, something weird with my body composition. It felt like all i can hear is my heart beat. It felt like it get stabbed, its bursting but somehow still beating. My mind also, it felt like blurry and yet my attention is got snipe to the picture of her.

I don’t fully understand this feeling, what i get is, this is the feeling of regret. This feeling is hunting me everywhere i go, i try to ignore it with keeping my self busy, busy with study, work, hobby it just didn’t work. I don’t even smoke but i try my best to suck it, to get that relax sensation but what i get is coughing. There is something weird with smoking that amazes me, each time it burned somehow it let my mind contemplating everything I’ve done my mistake, to see it slowly got burned until there’s nothing.

I try to make a contact, and explain what’s on my mind and try to express this feeling on my chest why it hurts so bad. She respond it, she already can cope with all my mistake, and forgive me. I don’t know how she did it, she’s the most amazing dan mature woman I’ve ever encounter in my life. That have this overpower of patience, that totally unmatched to normal human beings. Tho she said she already forgives me, me my self still can’t figure this out, how to forgives my self. She told me to be happy, she wishes me the best in life, i… i dont know how, can i… ever be happy again?. She said the time to be friends is over, and we’re a stranger again. That line is hurting me, but I completely understand, its the consequences i have to accept.

The thing is, its not even the worst part. For me the worst part is when I didn’t completely realize her last text. She write “i wish we had met under different circumstances”, i cant really comprehend that line the time that my immaturity took control my actions and my selfishness took control my mind. It felt so deep, and thoughtful. And again its already late to realize it. Im the most pitty, selfish, bastard, hopeless human being. I wish i that day i make the right move, and trying to keep you in my arms no matter what happened. I love you, wonderful hippie girl.

[rjshepofftheshits]

More luxu rambelings???

I just can't bring myself to let luxu go from canon BC I just love him sm. I know people want him to just be bad, no redemption arc but my middle name is redemption au so obviously I'm doing one for kingdom hearts

lol i say i love him then proceed to torture him for several paragraphs

I'm in the " people deserve to be able to redeem themselves " and " you are under no obligation to forgive someone for their actions" can and should coexist camp. ive applied this in this au to xemnas, ansem and even Young xehanort ( ill rambel about him later but tldr he doesnt go back to the past at the end of kh3 like hes meant to, a replica of him does purely because i wanted to keep him in the future but ill elaborate on the story reason for it later.)

Post kh4 luxu definitely falls closer to the " no forgiveness" end of that scale. AU Xemnas worked hard and eventually endeared himself to people, even kairi who he kinda got killed. ok maybe hes not totally forgiven, maybe he never will be but he's at least accepted by the majority. Ansem has his own little neich and a casual but friendly relationship with riku, provided he doesnt talk to much. YMX is acting like a kid, finally having the normal youth that was ripped away from him by MOM . Luxu on the other hand just sort of....gives up. He's not su#idal or anything he just sort of stops caring. the norts try to bring him round, show him if they can do it he can too but... He's broken beyond measure, he doesn't have the strength of will to try any more and loses a sense of self/ego. If someone tells him to do something, he does it, if they tell him to go , he leaves without protest. im not even sure hed defend himself if attacked, he probably just stand there and take it or maybe try to run? after going through this nightmare existance for the last 250+ years , for him to be the only forteller left ,for all the misery he caused only for it to mean nothing in the end is soul crushing. needless to say his sense of self-worth is lower than dirt. Luxu really seems to believe he deserves this dogs abuse for what hes done.

I cant imagine how lonely he was before kh4 but now after its all over and hes burned every bridge hes ever walked, hes completly desolate and renounced by everyone. worst part is, its kinda his own fault.

i think he tries to go back to radiant garden, if for no other reason than getting yelled at by people you know is preferable to being compltly abandoned and outcast. he feels a little comfort from being in the castle but the radient garden gang are none to happy to see him. Ienzo is pleasant if short, surprised to see him . the others however are not, ranging from dismissive, rude and cold attitudes from even and Aeleus right up to outright hostile and violent from Dilan. Dilan is normally pretty calm all things considered but when he sees Luxu standing before Lord Ansem, asking for forgiveness and to stay with them for a little its fucking on sight . Aeleus escorts him out before Dilan can REALLY hurt him but not before reminding him he isnt welcome there anymore. He accuses him of just apologising to assuage his guilt and not because he's actually sorry for all the shit he put them through, which isn't untrue but he really is sorry if you would just hear him out for 5 seconds . Understandably Aeleus shuts the door in his face. He might want to apologise but they dont want to or arent ready to hear it and he knows trying to force that on them would do more damage than good .Luxu still hangs around castle town for a few days licking his wounds in both a literal and figurative sense before deciding that the others are right to be angry and gives up on them.

(just imagine that simpsons clip with bart and lisa "you can actually pinpoint the second his heart rips in half")

whats even worse about all this is that i imagine post kh4, luxu has no keyblade. think about it, all the other fortellers have their own keyblades but luxu gets the master of masters old one. its already covered in scratches by the time he gets it so it cant be made from his heart like all other keyblades, it has to be MoM's. and since MoM is gone now in this au, that means his keyblade is gone too. so lets sumarize. luxu has : no friends, no home, no keyblade and no purpose. i imagine he's feeling pretty low

but because im horrible im going to make it worse.

You remember the subplot of maleficent looking for the book of proficies? well after all this she still hasnt found it but she does now know Xigbar is luxu and who luxu really is. So, understandably she decides to ask him a few friendly questions on the subject by which i mean string him up and slash him with vines until he tells her what she wants to hear.

Listen ive been talking consistantly about how broken and at a loss luxu is but if theres one thing to bring back his defiant streak its this bs from maleficent. homeboy has been holding his tongue for nearly 3 centuries, hes not going to break for a dramatic witch and her pet furry.

Frustrated with her lack of success maleficent takes him back to radient garden and threatens to chuck him off a cliff into an abyss or maybe the water treatment turbines. Luxu is still defiant, even weak and bleeding from her interrogation. He doesn't want to die particularly, he's never read the book of profocies but she doesn't know that. if it means fucking with maleficent then he's happy to go and nip her dumb plans in the bud.

now in my little headcanon its my oc shep whos looking out for him. she has a similar backstory, being burdened with a great task, much older than her physical appearance would suggest so she feels a little kinship with luxu, despite how he's hurt her but for the sake of keeping this somewhat canon compliant so other people can enjoy it lets say dilan takes her place.

Sorry to the luxu stans out there I'm just whumping this man for his life.

Just when it seems like she's about have Pete fling him over the edge something bonks Pete in the head and clatters to the floor. Luxu might be weak from injury or bloodloss but he's not stupid, he might have to crawl but he's getting away from these assholes, kicking Pete in the shins for good measure. Absolutely no prizes for guessing who it is that's come to rescue him.

The radiant garden gang cannot stand maleficent. Ok they gave up their hearts but SHE was the one to drag radiant garden into the darkness, squatting in their home like a frog for 10 years. Dilan is still mad as hell but he's also not just about to sit there and let that arrogant witch have her way. They can't beat her, not even with the 5 of them but thankfully she's not looking for a fight. She and Pete retreat for now, promising to come back for luxu and some answers. Even Even takes that shit personally and is ready to throw hands with her if she ever comes back. Luxu is just sort of sat in stunned silence even as he's ushered into the castle to have his wounds treated.

Things are a little bit tense but they can't exactly leave luxu to die from infection or exposure. Until someone makes a joke Like " damn even didn't know you had it in you" followed by some bravado from a usually fairly risk adversed Even, and a little alughter all round. Even Dilan has a small smile and for maybe just a moment everything feels normal again for luxu like maybe there's a little hope after all.

on that topic i think i will call this the golden au after Kintsugi, the art of repairing broken things with gold. It's not the same as before but the breaks are part of its beauty

There's a quote I'm fond of that is "

You don't need another Human Being to make your life complete, but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters In your soul, but cracks to put their love into, Is the most calming thing In this World." And damn if luxu doesnt appreciate having a little love poured into his cuts...even if it is followed by stinging antiseptic and some admonishing words.