#i dont talk to people unless they talk to me first
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hot girls fall asleep scrolling on tumblr
#h-o-t? thats a weird way to spell mentally ill#ive been feeling extra sad tbh#i miss my friends that dont go to the same school as me#and i can feel myself doing what i did a few years ago where i shut everyone out#i dont talk to people unless they talk to me first#i was to socialize but im too tired and i feel like everyones judging me#but today in a big gc of my friends three of them randomly said really nice things about me and it literally made mee cry#im fine but so sad also#urgh i just cant. started thinking about an old friend im done for#i havent spoken directly to her in too long and the thought makes me want to bawl my eyes out#we talked aaaallll the time all day every day#and then she just moved on#its heartbreaking for me tbh#i loved her#i still do#god. GOD!#anyways#im done using tumblr as my diary now thanks#i started writing in my journal again its nice but also sad to reread old stuff#when i get sad i think about her
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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Hellooo i saw that you were asking for asks (that sounds funny) and I wanna know some of your hcs on Kevin and Allison being besties/ kevjean relationship
This is my chance to finally share some Allison/Kevin hcs so I'm gonna seize this opportunity with both hands and give you this total MESS of a brain dump
- Allison is the only fox that doesn't make fun of Kevin's eating habits. Kevin KNOWS his relationship with food is fucked up because of the nest and Allison knows it too, so she refuses to make bets or make fun of the way that he eats. Kevin only realised because she once tried to quietly tell Nicky to knock it off when he was pushing Kevin to have dessert or making fun of what he'd decided to have instead.
- Kevin also knows not to talk about the numbers or macros in front of her, too. They have a weird unspoken mutual respect RE: food and they both appreciate each others efforts on that front without ever actually mentioning it. they also have a gesture for each other that's code for "i want a snack do you have anything" and they'll throw each other protein bars if they're out/on a long bus journey etc.
- they are the BEST drinking buddies. Whenever the team starts drinking/partying/clubbing more together post-TKM, they are literally CHILDREN when they're drunk together. Kevin gets tired of the monsters being boring when they go out and there's only so much dancing he can do with just Nicky and Aaron alone. So Allison pulls him up to the bar one night to do a tequila shot, and they literally have the most unexpectedly fun night ever. Kevin loosens up a whole lot without the threat of Riko etc post tkm, and when I tell you he is such a fun drunk. now he doesn't really drink THAT much during the season but off-season? oh he's a party animal. I could write thousands of words about him and Allison getting drunk together and becoming literal best friends as soon as they have a drop of alcohol in their systems but here's some things I think they've done drunk
stole a shopping cart and sat in it as they pushed each other down the road in it (and fallen out of it and laughed so fucking hard) ((but were bruised up as fuck the next day because of it)
he's sat her on his shoulders - while dan sits on matt's - as the two girls try to push the other one off
he's really easily convinced to do things by her. another shot? sure. and another shot IMMEDIATELY after that? alrighty! karaoke? well, okay. jockeyback? stealing traffic cones? pulling pranks and fucking with the other foxes? acting like actual teenagers? okidokie!
she's probably the only person in the world who has successfully convinced kevin day to sing
he holds back her hair if she has to puke
she convinced him to let her do his makeup once. full glam. like a serious look, fully beat, full coverage look. there's a picture out there somewhere of it that she saves for blackmail.
fucked. make out sometimes. strip poker. they dance together :)
he never lets her walk alone anywhere when she's drunk. if she can't find one of the girls to accompany her to the bathroom at a party she'll take him.
she's taught him full dance routines
she was joking that there's no way the raven warmups could be that different to theirs, and bet him that she'd be able to do them without breaking a sweat (he won)
they've both ugly drunk cried in front of each other (but they never talk about that sober)
she's pretty light so he's bench pressed her before
- They know each others drink orders/favourite shots
- if Allison is out, say she's with her friends and not with the foxes, and she has to wait alone for a taxi or walk somewhere alone, she'll call him and he'll stay on the phone with her until she's safe
- They make fun of each other and bully each other like there's no tomorrow (affectionate). the whole "Allison hates Kevin" thing WAS true for a while, but once they get closer, she just pretends to hate him. he's like an annoying brother to her
- Allison is really easily frightened, and Kevin thinks it's funny to scare her. she's never safe walking around a corner or into a room if Kevin is there and in a good mood.
- they're not BEST FRIENDS. like they're not in each others pocket all the time and laughing and joking ALL THE TIME but she can read him like a book. she knows when he's having an off day, or thinking about something too much.
- She also knows when he's being serious and when not to joke around. She knows when he doesn't want cheering up or to joke about something and knows when to back off. The same with him - he knows when she's having a mood that requires being cheered up, or a mood that requires him to leave her the fuck alone.
- He's a big reason why she puts a whole lot more of herself into Exy post tkm. She's always been invested, but once they talk more, and they consider each other friends, she listens to him talking about Exy and it really clicks for her. his dedication. and also how fucking talented he really is. She doesn't do the night training with him but they'll occasionally go to the gym together or start practice a half an hour early to run some basic raven drills.
- They're iconic when they get together to do press after games. they bounce off each other like nothing else. they're just so funny. and he's also like andy murray in that he will ALWAYS defend her, dan, and renee's talent if interviewers start to focus more on him instead of the girls. he'll step in if an interviewer says something shitty or misogynistic. she LOVES directing objectifying and misogynistic questions his way.
- She calls him a bitch and makes fun of him for being a nepo baby. He calls her an asshole and makes fun of her for being a rich kid.
- Have gone to banquets as each others date.
that's just a few random thoughts off the top of my head but yes. Allison and Kevin. Literally the only Two Pretty Best Friends ever to exist.
#i know this might feel ooc for kevin but just think about it#first of all taking these as individual moments rather than a constant thing#they're not cuddling as besties and painting each others nails and talking about boys#or doing all of these things ALL THE TIME#like#maybe it's just me#but if Kevin loosened up a bit and let himself enjoy things a bit more#post-TKM#i really could see them being friends alright#hes gaining a lot of courage and the foxes are pretty united#so theyre going out more together#and he CAN drink to have fun#and Allison IS fun#and they have fun TOGETHER#okay! i have read some stuff recently about allison being hit or miss for some people#but i love her (even if it is an extension of her that ive made up in my head)#and i've pretty much based their entire hypothetical friendship off that part in tkm when they're in the cabins#and someone says she could sleep with kevin#and she makes a loud retching sound as if that's the grossest thing ever#(and unless you want to unleash the unhinged kevallison in me dont get me started on them hooking up fr)#allison reynolds#kevin day#aftg#mine
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I've been seeing a bunch of people adding disclaimers to their billford posts clarifying that they have critical thinking skills about abuse and abusive relationships, and I 100% understand that impulse. When I first made this blog I added disclaimers like that onto nearly everything. But, if it makes the folks adding those disclaimers feel any better: after I stopped writing essays trying to prevent people from taking my billford posts in bad faith, absolutely no one got mad at me in my inbox or on any of my posts, and I've been posting about billford for years now. In my experience the majority of people who are uncomfy with this ship nowadays will simply block and move on. Some folks will disagree no matter how many disclaimers you add, and that's ok
#godsrambles#another thing i realized once i started engaging with this ship is that literally everyone who was still posting in the tag-#-DOES have an extremely nuanced understanding of their relationship and has plenty of critical thinking skills#i feel shitty for ever needing to have a realization about that in the first place tbh!#but i get that when youre surrounded by people saying 'ugh how can people not realize how awful it was in canon' you can get worried about-#-people assuming the same of you unless you loudly announce 'i have critical thinking skills i prommy:(' on every post#just wanted to say. hey. listen. its ok. its ok to join in wholeheartedly#the hypothetical no reading comprehension billford shippers youre worried about? practically nonexistent#youre also kinda shitting on the very people who would love to talk about their dynamic with you when you try to distance yourself from them#which i very much dont mean in a 'how dare you' kind of way#i just mean it in a 'ive been there and believe me youll be so much less stressed if you let yourself post for the audience-#-who will already assume good faith on your posts instead of posting for the audience who will most likely just block you anyway
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link click yingdu ep 1 is truly the gift that keeps on giving the more you think about it the more layers you unlock. at first i thought the 'video call with phone in shirt pocket' trick is a pretty effective way of replicating their dives with like.. normal human technology without their powers and then i realised that's probably because lu guang specifically thought 'this is a situation that would call for a dive except cheng xiaoshi doesn't know about the whole time travel powers thing yet, what would be a good and reasonable approximation of that that i can spring on him rn'. also, we know this is not the first time he's experiencing this day because he was checking the clock before he proposed the whole video call phone camera thing, implying that he had the 'script' for this day just like he did with the anime convention, but even then he could only warn cheng xiaoshi about the guy behind him with the bat right before he was about to get hit - probably because cheng xiaoshi kept 'doing unnecessary actions' and messing up the timeline/lu guang's 'script' and forcing him to improvise. once again, lu guang's trying to protect cheng xiaoshi while also hiding information from him and cheng xiaoshi's failing to follow lu guang's instructions and putting himself in danger because of his own kindness and impulsivity - their entire dynamic moving forwards, captured in their first (arguably more like.. the 0th) 'job' together.
#link click#shiguang dailiren#link click yingdu#link click spoilers#yingdu spoilers#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#you know this show's good cuz the first bloody ep got me writing a gooddamn paragraph about it (something i generally dislike doing#unless i got a demon i really desperately need to let out. idk im not really a metas guy)#(writing these always make me feel like the literature troll)#one other kinda funny thought that i had was like#when vivian was talking to cheng xiaoshi about scammers exploiting people's emotional weak spots like#'people's compassion for the weak' is explicitly about cxs and 'the grief of losing family' could also very easily be about him#which leaves uh. 'people's need for (romantic) love' (i forgot the exact phrasing idk i wasnt looking at the english subs)#like i was thinking abt this and then she brought up 'the person calling your name on the other end of your phone' and cxs immediately goin#'dont you dare hurt my FRIEND' is just. im sorry its such a funny transition. like sure my guy#i also like that the scammers knew cxs's name bc of lg's yelling through the phone i thought that was a nice touch#once again the idea that cxs's safety is the one thing that makes lg drop all his rationality and start making Poor Decisions#(and also confirms that he did Not have the script for cxs getting knocked out lmao poor guy)#guy honestly trying his damn best to maintain the timeline vs guy who's just really talented at creating butterfly effects#asto speaks
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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me when i wanna talk about marvel but half the people on tumblr are like “its army propaganda”:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/73b33eddd642dbcc02ba30d3644c8650/fa07310c3ade24ac-51/s540x810/56da6c4a9d0c1eb7a0520c423323d56374c401a6.jpg)
#like oh nooooo#I DONT CARE#i fell off the marvel bandwagon for a bit but like no its actually fun movies#the whole stupid world doesn’t revolve around america#i ain’t gonna watch iron man and think wow i should join the army#ALL THE ARMY PEOPLE DIE IN THE FIRST 20 MINUTES#oh yeah let me watch captain america the first avenger and join the armh#NO NO NO#the army is a bunch of mean bullies in taht ‘cept for peggy and steve#hmmmmm maybe ill watch captain marvel and join the arm#army#HMMMM WRONG#SHES IN THE AIR FORCE#ok ok ill watch the falcon and the winter soldier and join the army#THE MAIN BAD GUY IS IN THE STUPID ARMY AND HE REGRETS KILLING PEOPLE#also the army or government is making bucky do mandated therapy with an idiot#hmmmmm i guess ill watch guardians of thr galaxy#NOPE SPACE BIKERS BECOME FRIENDS WITH SPACE COPS#that might actually be the second one#i can’t keep them straight#but ye#i dunno what army propaganda you guys are staring at#me talks#if ya don’t like this please just scroll#unless we are moots and then ill hear u out#maybe a little#vent
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thinking abt the veilguard companions and sighing heavily
#they have no personality outside of the things they need help with. they are not their own people#they are tools for a force narrative about...fear and regret i guess? but like. ok...who are these people though#you dont actually get to KNOW them unless you bother to walk around the lighthouse and peep into their notes and journals#insane. i cant ask you questions about your life before joining my cause? about your family or upbringing?#i have to eavesdrop on ambient conversation to be able to learn about you? give me a freaking break#i constantly flip flop between a show-dont-tell and TELL ME MORE because this game cant make up its own freaking mind#it overexplains itself CONSTANTLY during the main quest and then when it comes to the NPCs it hardly explains anything#unless you actively seek it out. or you dont blight minrathous.#''but you had to seek out companions in the past games!!!'' yeah. because you could actually TALK TO THEM.#you cant TALK to anyone in this game.#someone in the anti veilguard community put it best: theyre just dolls you pick up and play with on occasion. they have no real agency#literally. they have NO control over their own narratives. YOU are the deciding factor on everything they do.#''but this is true for every NPC in every dragon age!!'' can you not use your brain critically for even a moment.#the NPCs in previous games actually felt like people. when they asked for your help it was because you EARNED the right to participate#through talking to them and asking questions and building rapport and giving them gifts.#these characters trauma dump on you the moment you meet them. there is no building of anything. its all just vomited onto you immediately#bellara talking about cyrian in her first companion quest for example...like girl .#stupid worthless dialogue wheels that dont ever change the outcome of a conversation. the illusion of choice. all of it. im so angry.
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There's legal silence where you keep sensitive information to yourself. And there's silence where you don't even say "please be patient we'll update you in time, we're actually talking to the union/the admins/the intern team". For us viewers, we don't need to know more than to have the assurance that things are being taking care of. We don't need to be repeated the exact same info I différent words over and over again.
There's silence with your team where you want to be careful with your wording. And there's silence with your team where you keep them completely in the dark about their future, not even saying what they just need to hear: "sorry about how things turned out, we have no certainty in either taking you back or not, right now our priority is financial stability, we cannot tell you our différent options so far, but we'll update you when and if we can afford to take you back".
There's silence where you ask for discretion because you will not be able to keep that many people in the team and don't want leaks about what branches are kept and which one will close, then announcing to a whole group of admins that they'll be let out of the project starting this or this day. And there's silence where you warn a lot of twitter update admins that they won't be in the project starting immediately through discord and closing said discours before everyone had even a chance to read it.
There's silence where you're afraid of leaks and there's silence where you don't treat people working for you with respect.
#qsmp admins#qsmp neg#quackity studios#quackity neg#im sorry but at this pount donr even bother making an annoucement#if all you wanna do is repeat yourslef#look we KNOW youre working on finances and cant make promises about the eggs#but we've been asking about the merch money and being transparant about that wont hurt legally#unless you plan about telling us one thing to please us and doing another once we bought them#we KNOW some people might use every thing to harm the project#we ask if you or your team are actually talking to the people concerned#we KNOW you dont want leaks#we ask to be sure you treat the people who dedicated so much to your dream project as allies and not as enemies#i trusted q at first#but if he just wants to repeat homself and not acknowledge anything then i cant trust him no more#qsmp you have been a winderful adventure but it stops here for me
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love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time
#abc shut it#im tired of fighting it and trying to participate in life when it feels like i dont exist#love being lonely and then being told its due to my bad mental health so i pretend it doesnt affect me and i try and be myself#and no one likes me and i dont exist unless i remind people im a person so its kinda like#at a point where its not just suicidal ideation#its just a situation of /when/ and not if haha#ive been alive for 26 years and 20 of those have been exhausting as hell im ready to be done#exhausting and lonely and isolating im sick of it#i try and i try and my life doesnt get better or anymore worth living#and when i vent abt it i get told i need to try harder and im not trying at all and i need to stop being so depressed#its hard to not be depressed when the universe gives everyone around me a better experiences than me#i feel like im screaming that im here please pay attention#and nothing#i talk and my voice gets ignored or i get talked over#i post online to try and start conversations or make friends and i just get ignored#like do i exist at all to anyone else but myself#im trying to reach out and make friends but none of the ppl i wanna make friends with seem interested in having a conversation with me#i add all these people to discord and message them all the time#but nothing gets passed me sending them messages no one ever fucking messages me first#it feels like no one thinks about me and i dont matter#literally no one gives a fuck what i have to say#or anytime i talked im corrected on SOMETHING i say or i get a belittled in response#i cant do this shit anymore i cant#no one gives a shit about what i have to say and its really coming across that no one likes me#bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all#why am i in the wrong feeling like im alone and have no friends when im the only one reaching out ever if i wanna have a conversation#and when i do feel like im allowed to talk i just talk and talk and talk and know the people dont give a shit abt what i have to say#i jsut feel like im here to be talked at and do things for other people and nothing more#that whenever i have an emotion its wrong and i need to bottle it up#and i dont eve get a chance to learn how to manage my emotions bc it feels like im going to get scolded or belittled for feeling things
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first female loz director and the gerudo seem to be written fine enough? wow... there ain't no way I thought we were in the worst timeline after totk
Yeah got through the main quest with the gerudo, it wasn't painful! It wasn't even bad! Still got them outfits but for the most part it was like oh cool!
I would say a lot of that oh cool is from the fact they didn't do a lot to even fuck it up to begin with, I'm gonna be real with yall this game is NOT worth $60USD
Edit: lemme say one thing, you know when people were being like damn totk story wasn't dark or mature at all why was this compared to Majora's mask again? And then all the zeldatwt people came out and said zelda is just a kid series domt expect good writing uH
This one feels like a kid's game. That ain't to say it's terrible I would say, hell I'm not far in it if I get something crazy that's like OH FUCK I'll reblog this post and say something but uh.....game for babies I'm gonna be shocked if anyone struggles with any puzzles cuz you CAN CHEESE THEM EASY ITS 🫢🤭
EDIT EDIT: I SWEAR IM NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE A DOWNER..... @ezlo-x HAS BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN PLAYING....THEY KNOW I HAVENT BEEN A PARTY POOPER.....
#its......seems quick#the sidequests are very boring tbh#like this game should of been 45-50 max not 60#its cute i like it so far but oh my god the optimization and game design could of been way better#and after botw/totk like....how do i put this#its like nintendo heard hey we need a LITTLE bit of rail roading and then#😬#basically...example#for a main quest i have to go to 2 places to get people#i went to the 2nd place first and it......didnt update the side quest even though she should of gone to the meeting place#thTs apart of the quest but no i had to go to the 1st guy no matter what#and its like.....hey botw not totk would do that#most GAMES in general now wouldnt do something like that#also yall gonna hate the fact there is no organization or favorites tool for the echoes#game is fun so far but uH#i got through the first dungeon FAST FAST like this is not a return to form#minish cap dungeons i dont think were that fast and theyre simple#also anyone that says this dorsnt have mechanics from the wilds games yes it does#tri has an ability thats JUST ultra hand#oh and its not good in this game#yall gonna fucking hate it#unless somehow a pirated version doesnt allow you to rotate the fucking item or move it in a way that goes behind me#without me locking off and then back on again after repostioning myself#im worried its a feature and not an anti piracy measure#me and GC are gonna finish this up this week but dang i havent even done the whole first part of the main quest#if i had this on the switch i could see how fast i could play through the game WHILE talking to people and having fun and exploring#also oh my god the zora side quest very cute but when eveeyone knows how the game goes ill make one complaint in the tags one day#funny thing its not story....ITS GAMEPLAY#yhe story in the game is fine and i say that cuz its....very simple#HELL A LOT OF NPCS DONT GOT NAMES THAT ARE VISIBLE
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sometimes ill make a drawing for my friends only so i have an excuse to talk to them bc i suck so bad at initiating conversation even with people i enjoy that i feel the need to bring an offering to start dialogue
#its because.. IDK I JUST SUCK AT IT.#thats why i always tell people i like hearing about their lives#because if im friends with someone i do and i actually quite enjoy when my friends just tell me what they ate or what they got at the store#im too shy to do the back unless other people do it to me first.... because i like that kind of stuff but i know a lot of other people arent#interested in talking about those things#big reason why i dont really need to be in same fandom as someone to be friends because i just like talking about daily life
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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people on twitter be normal about acht's gender (impossible)
#first i saw someone saying ''its possible its a she/they situation judging from appearance'' which. jesus fucking christ#and now i saw someone saying they felt that them wearing a dress was. out of character??????#which. is insane to me. you are aware that we barely knew anything about them as a person until now right#what the fuck are you talking about. how can them wearing a dress be out of character WE DIDNT KNOW THEIR CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!#you can feel like they'd look better in pants but saying that a dress is out of character for someone we know nothing about ???#kind of just feels like. you think nonbinary people can't wear dresses#also personality does not equal gender presentation???? no one's personality dictates whether or not they would wear a dress#unless part of their personality is ''i hate dresses and would never wear one'' or that they always dress more neutrally/masculine#which. neither of those is true for acht. as far as we know. we have seen them a total of one time (album cover) where you can only#see up from the waist. and again WE BARELY KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AS A PERSON BEFORE SIDE ORDER#idk it doesnt really matter its just bizarre to me. them wearing a dress isnt ooc you either just dont think nb people can wear dresses#or you have a made-up fanon version of acht in your head that is now going against what they've been revealed to be like in canon#i dont know. its just weird. they're just vibing man#serena.txt#splatoon
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#damn . if i like. ever did something wrong i wonder why they dont just talk to me about it#like idk i thought when they like. vagued about *someone* i had to convince myself that it wasnt me#like i literally went through our messages to make sure i didnt say anything wrong#but apparently it was me after all? i just wish they wouldve. idk. talked to me about it#it feels so hypocritical? why are you allowed to say what you think and im not#unless i actually did what you claimed but i cant remember this happening nor can i find messages where it happens#and even then instead of vaguing about me when you know im not doing well you can just approach me#or is there a whole different reason? do you avoid me because of something else? am i just not on your level after all?#if it was any other person i wouldnt have cared so much but they were one of the first friends i made there#we worked out so well in the beginning and now you realised im not who you thought i was and instantly replaced me#why does this shit ALWAYS happen to me? is there something wrong with me or is it everyone around me?#this is why i dont approach people. this is why im so intimidated by others. it doesnt work. ill always end up being less.#everyone always ends up being better and more and i am the replacable one. idk. just sucks
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