#i dont see myself moving on from the game any time soon

[earl-grey-love]

I hope that Barbs remains my primary f/o for years like my last one did. I can see it lasting a very long time.

[ichigosoju]

🍪🥛

[genmaichafan]

FREN! IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE TALKED!

WHAT IF: Some rando has been trying to flirt with the reader. He seems to be ignoring how uncomfortable the reader is. This makes Donna incredibly jealous, as she doesn’t take kindly to creeps trying to steal away her girlfriend. As such, she TERRIFIES the creep and sweeps her gf home (lots of kisses and fluff ensue).

TY SM

Hello hello friend i have written it sorry i dont think its my best work and i kinda ignored the second half of the prompt because i uhh got lost in the sauce of an idea.

Anyways enjoy.

Donna x f!reader. modern au. sfw.

You had been at the coffee bar for a while now, Donna had just gone out to grab something quickly at the time being.

You loved this coffee shop.

the barista was friendly and always knew your favourite order. The seat you always wanted in the corner was often empty. And most of all it was quiet.

Something both Donna and you appreciated.

But today of all days there was a promotion going on for old brew that seemed to draw in people like crazy.

it was packed.

and worst of all there was this guy here. That seemed to be eying you up and down with a smirk, something in his eyes said he thought you were easy prey.

”donna please come back so we can leave” you whispered under your breath.

”talking to you self pretty lady?”

oh god he actually approached you.

”yeah i like talking to myself and the voices!” You tried to make him think you were mentally unwell so he would leave you alone.

”whoa. Spicy. I like that.”

you internally face palmed. This frat boy was not going to leave you any times soon.

“Yes I actually am waiting for my partner-“

”oh yeah? You guys open or something?”

you hadn’t noticed but donna had been back from whatever errand she had been doing and had heard the very last thing the creepy man said. She was seething beyond repair.

”no we aren’t open.”

”oh you're her partner?”

he eyed her up and down like he did you earlier.

Donna’s response to this was to start speaking tongues of obscure italian. literally cursing the man. Donna was not a witch but she was trying to cast imaginary spells.

to further sell her game she took out her large and intimidating garden pruning sheers and cut off a lock of his hair really quickly. Not before clutching and blowing the lock into his face further selling the gambit.

The gullible man's face was turning more and more pale and when the final move was cast his hands were shaking.

”w-witchcraft!!” He did not think twice about running away.

donna quickly walked up to you. Dropping the facade. Quickly taking up your hands into hers.

”are you okay mi amore?!”

”yes, thanks to you.” You smile was half amusement still remembering the display, and half adoration.

”im glad.” she brought her lips to your quickly, hoping to wipe the remainder of the man’s presence on your mind away.

”what were you going to get?”

”thats a secret. For now.”

”no fair you know i dont like secrets.”

”i know i know but im hoping youll be happy to see it.”

_____

“Are you sure we should go to our secret spot? It’s going to be super dark this time of night.”

”I promise it won't be that bad mi amore.”

Had it been anyone else you would have not believed them. You were heading to a secret alcove in the nearby park that Donna and your friends liked to hang out at but it didn't have much of a way of being illuminated in the dark, but you knew better.

”ok i trust you.”

Donna's response to this was to take your hand and begin racing towards the park pulling you along with her.

you two laughed along the whole way as if playing like children.

_____

When you arrived you didn't want to say it but youre were kinda right.

it was almost pitch black in the hide away and you couldn’t really see anything. Luckily; you could make out certain shapes enough to not fall or trip on anything. Not to mention you suddenly had no idea where Donna was.

”Donna?”

”right here mi amore” she was right behind you.

“What are we doing here today my love?”

”oh you'll see.”

Just like that the lights that had never been here before turned on. The alcove was beautifully decorated to yours and donnas personal tastes almost as if there was going to be a celebration of shorts set up with fairy lights set up with an extra table with Champaign.

before you could even ask what was going on, Donna got down on one knee.

your breath hitched.

”[y/n], will you marry me?”

Somehow you had managed to bring yourself to affirm that you would in-fact love to marry Donna through the shock.

“Yes! I would love to marry you!”

You two quickly brought each other's lips halfway to meet in the middle in union. savoring the moment between you two and the deep connection you shared. Donna smiled so widely when you finally parted that she had to cover her face a bit. A bad habit that she had not managed to nip that you found extremely cute.

”I love you donna.”

”and I love you more than you could ever know.”

[kit-williams]

Skyfall

tw: stalking, obsession, male yandere

She slipped her mask back on as she entered the bustling hive for the first time in her life. She sucked in her breath as she immediately started to text her "benefactor" though he acted like a close friend to her at this point as she knew him for so long.

Vixen: I'm going to die here. Zookeeper: No you're not. Zookeeper: Not while I'm watching over you Vixen.

She didn't know why she needed to be here of all places. So far her clients hadn't needed her to leave her planet but her keeper needed her to move. Things were moving in the background that she couldn't see but her friend had always had her back. He was there from day one since she dove into the underbelly of reality. She could see the unseen hand that pulled on normal people's lives and she originally wanted to be a hero... until the Inquisition found out about her.

It was when she was assigned Keeper. Or rather keeper unveiled that he was working for said Inquisitor that she had accidentally found. So he vouched for her.

Vixen: So is this when you're going to confess your love for me keeper? <3 Zookeeper: Har har darling you're cute but not that cute. Vixen: OOF right between my ribs. Zookeeper: You use the lock I sent you on all your bags and pockets? Vixen: *Attached is a picture of her bags and pockets* Zookeeper: Good girl. Vixen: <3 Of course. And how can you not find me cute? Zookeeper: I gave you that mask for a reason Vixen: I'm crying for real, right now. Vixen: So heartless

She smiled under her mask as she continued through the sea of people holding her bag tightly as she heads to the inn that keeper had paid for in advance. She knew she wasn't the only animal here... afterall he was called zookeeper for a reason.

Zookeeper: Awww you know I was teasing right? Vixen: So when are you going to tell me you're some dirty old Magos just flirting with me? Zookeeper: Would you care if I was? Vixen: Are you hot? Zookeeper: What if I was just rich? Vixen: Hmmmm will the sex be good? Zookeeper: I could get you any toy you want my little vixen. Vixen: I'll think about it.

She rolled her eyes heading inside to the inn and checking in as she went to the dingy room. Vixen took off her mask for a moment to run her fingers through her hair as she felt uncomfortable about working for the Inquisition but she was doing good... protecting the Imperium from the Great Enemy whoever that was.

Vixen: I might go get a drink. Zookeeper: no you wont Vixen: Okay Lord Buzzkillington Zookeeper: >_> Zookeeper: Really? Vixen: Okay better response. Why can't I get a singular drink? Zookeeper: I have to come visit tonight to leave off a packet of information. So I need you to take that sleeping pill Vixen: Oh I should wear something nice <3 Zookeeper: How about nothing at all? Vixen: I want a date first if you get to see my tits. Zookeeper: fine wear those cute night shorts... the green ones Vixen:... should I be concerned that you know what clothes I brought with me? Zookeeper: It's my job to know dear Vixen: yes and you want me to drug myself Zookeeper: Oh please if I wanted you I could list all the times I could have taken you Vixen: please dont Zookeeper: then behave Zookeeper: play your Abhuman crossing game

She pulled out the game pad as Vixen played her games like Abhuman Crossing and others until keeper told her to take the pill and go to bed. She wished him a good night after changing into her night clothes and took that pill. Sleep didn't take long to hit her.

Vixen was fully out like a light when her keeper came to visit... she didn't feel the way his fingers moved up her left calf and danced up the back of her leg reaching the swell of her ass. The appreciative hum as he kissed her shoulder and the shell of her ear. "Hello Vixen." He says softly feeling her hair against his face he shivers, "Soon my dear... soon." He says before leaving what he came to give her not before taking a trophy from her bag.

------

Zookeeper: Just get the avian burger Vixen: Why? Zookeeper: Its yummy Vixen: Have you eaten here? Zookeeper: yes. Secret love of mine

She paid the thrones as she sat down lifting her mask up eating the burger and just looking over the innocuous message that keeper had left her last night. She was meeting up with another animal under the keepers care but all that 'Collie' was doing was leading her to where she needed to collect something.

Vixen: Why me... Zookeeper: What do you mean dear? Vixen: Why me? What made me stand out? Zookeeper: Your skill Vixen: hey keeper Zookeeper: yes Vixen? Vixen: Would you tell me your name?

There was a quiet between the two of them as she waited. Vixen found out a hive wasn't so glamorous and perhaps her parents were right... to be thankful when her great great great grandparents had earned enough to leave the hive they lived on. It was dirty it was dangerous... she watched a man get mugged before some ganger just seemed to come out of nowhere and do some weird justice.

Collie was dressed up in a weird outfit and strange colors as Vixen followed them down into the lower hive. She was thankful of the complex mask that she wore as it made it bearable to breathe. Collie fully embraced their motif. As Vixen watched all the fur on them sway they wore a thick collar of it that draped over their shoulders and down their chest made of dirty white fur and golden browns. Vixen couldn't tell what gender they were but it didn't matter.

"In there. I'll be here to take you back up when you're done." Their androgenous voice spoke as Vixen nodded and went inside the small building.

It was nearly claustrophobic with the amount of papers lying around and the large cabinets but she remembers keeper's instructions and continued to the back room. The first thing vixen noticed on a side table was a sizeable tabletop miniature fully painted of a hydra.

Vixen: Keeper I'm here Vixen: Keeper?

She waited a few moments getting closer to the hydra but the drawer of the table it was on was open slightly and she saw a picture. Of her? She pulled it open and the door locked but she didn't care as it was full of dozens and dozens of pictures of her ever since she stepped foot on the hive.

Vixen: KEEPER! WHAT IS GOING ON

Her mask 'rang' and normally she wouldn't answer it as no one was to know what the communication 'number' was but she wasn't given the luxury to not answer as it answered for her.

"Hello, my little Vixen." A deep and distorted voice spoke to her.

"Who the fuck is this?!" She swallowed trying to keep her calm.

"Language sweetheart. Now your little Keeper didn't tell me you were something... divine. Do you like the hydra? You can take it since this room is most likely going up in flames after you leave."

"Are we not going to talk about the pictures?" She asked softly.

"No. I had to find out who is going to be knowing about this. Just a few pictures." The voice says sounding far too pleased, "I kept the best ones though... I doubt I would ever get tired of taking pictures of you. What do you say Vixen? After this you just let me watch you let me take my pictures..."

"Ugh you creep."

"Awww Vixen... fine. The information you want is on the table," He says as she looks around for a camera before going over to the table and looking at all the files. Vixen swallows as she sees several with the label of the Inquisition on them, "These are all the things you wanted to know Vixen. Aren't I nice? Think of me as the voice that keeper couldn't use."

Vixen looks up at the ceiling, "Are you keeper?" She says but the pause is uncomfortably long.

"No." He finally says but the pause told Vixen what was left unsaid. Either this is a persona he has put on... or this is the painful reality of who keeper is. "Look at the files some of what you need to decode what I am giving you is in them."

She opened the files and desperately looked through half censored items just feeling sweat gather on her brow. Vixen recognized some of what was in these files as things she had done. She found what she needed highlighted in teal as she continued on and on forgetting that Collie was outside. She was diving deeper and deeper into the Inquisitions dirty laundry... well the laundry of the Inquisitor she had brushed up with.

The final folder she opened up and Vixen screamed running to the other side of the room. "NO NO NO I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT LET ME OUT! OH BY THE THRONE LET ME OUT!" She screamed and desperately tried to open the door.

"Keep reading Vixen." Her on call voyeur demanded, "You have to realize what has been going on!"

"I WANT TO BE IGNORANT!"

"And let the Imperium crumble under the weight of THAT?! Vixen listen to yourself!" He snarled into her ear as she turned around with trembling legs and forced herself back over to the table.

He was right in a weird way... she didn't stop when she saw the banner of the Inquisition flash on her screen because she was trying to be a hero. She looked down at pict of two people meeting... faced blurred but that damned 8 pointed star haunted her nightmares. They were flirting with Chaos... Vixen read and read and read about secret deals... about the amount of lives that were happily traded over to them to give the Imperium what? No it wasn't even benefiting the Imperium... it was only benefiting the Inquisitor. She pulled out that last damned page.

"Vixen... my sweet little Vixen don't cry." He cooed to her as her shoulders shook and she held the pages close to her chest just feeling disgusted because of what she did... people died probably horrifying deaths. "Take the hydra with you... I made it for you."

She sniffles loudly ignoring the drawer full of pictures of her and looking at the blue, teal, and green hydra. "It's lovely." She said as she put it and the papers in her backpack.

"Yes my dear. Now I'm going to tell you something before I set this all ablaze. If he tells you his name... don't trust what it is."

"What's your name then?" She asks.

"You'll find out soon enough. I will see you soon enough Vixen. Please take care." He says with such fondness before the stops the connection and when she leaves the room the door locks back up and Vixen rushes back to Collie.

Zookeeper: Vixen? Vixen: Hey Zookeeper: Are you alright.

Vixen wondered if this was just a ploy but she still wanted to live in ignorance.

Vixen: Yeah. Will you tell me your name? Zookeeper: It's Alpharius Vixen: Alphy! Alpharius: And you wonder why I didn't want to tell you my name Alpharius: Alright head back to your room. There's a machine there hooked up and ready to go once you're done with the cypher just type it into the location and the rest will be taken care of Vixen: Okie dokie Alphy Alpharius:*Sighs* Has me telling you my name cheered you up? Vixen: Immensly Vixen: *Immensely Alpharius: Good enough for me

She did as she was told wishing Collie good luck as they only replied with a wave before heading back down to the lower hive. Vixen wouldn't hear about the explosion that happened from a room in an abandoned building catching fire she was far too busy just trying to figure out this cypher. Vixen stayed locked in that inn room for days letting keeper or Alpharius order her food.

Five days of trying to break this cypher.

Vixen: I've finally got it. Alpharius: Do not type it here. Just type it in the terminal I gave you and then wait for my instructions. A lot is going to happen in a short amount of time and I am making sure you stay alive.

Vixen knew he was serious given he texted a lot in short sentences but when he was verbose? She was trained to listen.

She looked down at the cogitator waiting for her input and she typed the code... Omegon

[darylsgal]

hello to whoever sees this! (if that's anyone.)

im very new to tumblr, well to the posting part atleast. ive been wanting to write just 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 for a while now, i love writing, and ive wrote fics before, only for the depths of my notes app to see, but recently ive been on a major writers block, so im asking you, yes, you, to help me out! i'd really appreciate if i could get some daryl prompts, requests, whatever you'd call them. im eager to get back into writing, and i'd also love to fulfil some wishes! so my requests are very much open, and i'll turn the question box thing on as soon as i figure out how to! ☻︎

im comfortable with writing most things, just nothing that's like,,,,too weird i guess? honestly just ask, and i'll give a polite yes or no, no pressure, no judgement, i want this page to feel safe and secure. i am, very much comfortable with smut, don't hold back!! angst, i LOVE a good old gut wrenching, tear jerker, again, dont hold back. fluff. i adore fluff, for the third time, dont hold back!!

i'd also like to introduce myself, as well as i can without giving too much away, i'd like to stay mysterious! for now atleast. so with that being said..

��� you can call me rue.🌞

• im 19!

• some of my fave shows of all time! the walking dead (all i ever talk about, i don't shut up!), the hunger games, euphoria, stranger things, the last of us, twilight.

• my main interests, other than the shows.

dead by daylight, tumblr🤷🏻‍♀️, my electric guitar, braiding my hair, writing, zombie media, music, im an unironic cai user i'll be so real (especially with the new voice update, like, hello???) the colour black, aaaaand i can't think of anything else.

• describing myself, i guess, just to give an idea on who's behind this page!

i am a cis white woman, pronouns she/her, long dark brown hair with the underneath dyed deep red from around the top of my ears down. im just around 5,11. i have big green eyes. i have a few piercing, those being my right nostril, my belly button, 3 lobes on both ears, a helix on my right ear, and hopefully more to come! i move my eyebrows alot, i wear too much highlighter, and apparently im not very good at being mysterious and am also a major oversharer.

• this is already way longer than it was intended to be, please expect this from me in the future.

with that behind said, im going to cut this off here before i waffle any more, i completely, i repeat completely, understand if you did not make it to the end of this post, no offence taken.

goodbye my lovelies!💖

[rocambolestim]

Intro post!

Welcome to my blog! i moved from @boba-foxy !

Mass rb-ing & liking my stimboards/gifs is encouraged bc im a sorta unpopular stimblog!

This account is @boba-foxy 's new account for making stimboards & stim gifs! i had to stop on there since i was tired of id-ing posts all the time

I SUPPORT ALL GOOD FAITH IDENTITIES!! ^^

This stimblog is run by a minor & does NOT consent to any NSFW/18+ content, D/D/L/G, A/B/D/L or k/!/n/k interactions (pls get out of my blog & DNI), so please keep that in mind! ^^

Please note im either fast or slow at doing requests, bc im rlly busy w/ stuff (mostly school)

SFW Age regressors,therians/otherkins, fictosexuals, yumejoshis/yumedanshis/etc + any fictosexual identity (including animatesexual, but if only used in a non joke/mocking way) & mspec gays/lesbians are welcome to interact! :D

if u wanna talk to me, u can use the ask feature or msg me (but use simple english pls bc some words or the wording is too difficult for me to understand) and be nice and dont be mean towards me (also my 1st language isnt english btw so pls keep that in mind)

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY DISCOURSE (anon or not) OR ANON HATE IN ANY OF MY BLOGS INBOXES, IT MAKES ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE & I DONT WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN ANY KIND OF DISCOURSE. THANK YOU FOR READING!

If you don't know how to source your stimboards, please read on why its important to source gifs!

PLS READ!!! (IMPORTANT! (im not the op, but i rb'ed it and it has been hapenning to me but still))

What is italo disco? (when this blog was still an italo/euro disco stim sideblog for myself before moving to said blog & removing that it was mainly italo/euro disco stimboards and making it a regular stimblog with no main theme, and mainly abandoning my old acc which was formerly a stimblog and now posting mostly non stim stuff on said old blog)

this is what the rocambole part of my username is supposed to be from lmaooo

My pronouns.page!

Rentry icon/graphic edit requests are open too!! (Please note that im a beginner at making rentry stuff so it wont come out as great as you think)

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST ANY OF MY GIFS I MADE ON TIKTOK,PINTEREST,ETC. THANK YOU!

Here is my dni! (and request rules) (hosted on main)

View my archive!! ^^

My rentry!

My sideblog for archiving deleted stim gifs!

My other stimblog (which was originally an account dedicated to my genderbent version of daroach called daroachette, and then later a stim-rbing blog & now a original stim gifs by me blog)

(yet) another stimblog of mine which i run

I'm fictosexual & my F/Os are: Daroach from Kirby, Ankha from Animal Crossing, Crypto from Keitai Denjuu Telefang, Zhen from Kung Fu Panda 4, Albert from The Jungle Bunch 2: World Tour & Miché from Regretevator! (i also selfship w them btw)

For my queued posts, i use the tag "i see queue" ^^

Stuff i won't do on stimboards/Blacklist:

Non-cartoony Gore

Most IRL people (unless its a musician or a youtuber)

movie/tv show characters portrayed by IRL actors

ANYONE from Cheburashka (bc for my own safety & comfort since the show makes me uncomfy due to its character designs looking creepy to me & i LITERALLY cant stand looking at them (as an autistic person from the balkans who had to watch this show in kindergarten lmao, it was pretty creepy imo ngl))

DSMP, ofc

Dandy's World (bc the creator did horrible stuff to minors)

Harry Potter (bc the creator was a terf)

Media sources im familiar with for stimboard/gif making

Pokémon

Roblox games (especially Regretevator/any of the Pet Simulator games)

Kirby

Sanrio

Yo-Kai Watch

Italo disco/euro disco music in general

Lostwave music/artists

This will be updated soon

bai!

[mangoyakult]

tw reality vent dump? i went deep on this lowkey

lets talk about the effect (my) phone addictions have on perceiving reality. you become so used to the online world and are engrossed in it that you cant fathom the reality of the real world. once a blue moon you get the opposite of dissociation where you come to the realisation that real life has an end and it will keep moving on without you, without your favourite shows, ESPECIALLY the bit about how it will move on even after your shows, loved ones, etc end.

its hard to talk about it when im NOT currently in this state of mind so if i remember i'll come back and reblog and talk about it more when i am in that state of mind, but like it just hits you like a cement truck that (and i know it sounds cliche) we are just on a floating ball in space.

everything you know will come to an end and you wont know about it because i believe you experience "life after death" in the same way you experience life before you were born. in the same way that blind people dont see black, they see nothing, its not there. if you close one eye, you dont see anything out of it, thats what i believe death will be like, and its the one thing keeping me from going insane when i get these thoughts but also it makes me spiral even more.

i think about how i'll miss loved ones but then i remember i won't miss it because i won't experience anything. times like this i wish i believed in a religion, i wish i believed in the afterlife, and a part of me does, a part of me believes in ghosts and reincarnation.

wild take that might offend several people but the same way that over hundreds and thousands of years humans fled to religion to distract their minds from these thoughts, i flee to my phone and silly blorpos to distract my mind from these thoughts. except im wayy less productive than them lol they full on built massive cathedrals and monuments and statues dedicated to these ethereal beings and i just go haha funny orangutang with the play dough ur so silly.

i don't stay up all night because i have an addiction to games and my phone, i stay up all night til i pass out because if im not entirely tired ready to pass out, my mind will be racing with all these horrible thoughts i cant remove from my brain and i will wake up with puffy eyelids.

idk these are my thoughts this is what happens when you take away tiktok doom scrolling from me

and i know a lot of you will tell me to get hobbies and friends and hang out and have fun but when i get these "episodes" i genuinely feel like thats the ONLY thing i can do. if i'm not watching my blorbos or hanging with friends, or crocheting or gaming or drawing, life is meaningless and why am i waking up 6 mornings with no plan waiting for the end of the week where i can finally see someone and hang and be happy

i think i'm in a state of burnout, i only have one spoon per week and i'm already using it to go to work because yeah i work like twice a week i'm not home all day, i have uni i go to occasionally, but its so tiring and though i am as far away as possible to suicide (remember my little fear of death above?) i just want like a break month where i can do nothing and chill without any pressures

i think about moving out and growing up and possibly having kids and a partner and i feel as though i'm not prepared for that. mentally i'm 13 and i just want to go to high school, play with friends, yap about gravity falls and other hot shows of that era

i physically can't envision myself as an adult yet i am one, i physically can't wrap my mind around simple concepts most adults understand, like taxes and bills and a lot of things. trust me i've tried! and now i'm on my fourth year of tax evasion because i just don't know how they work!

i gotta stop talking bc lowkey i'm getting myself into this damn mindset and i have work soon and customers are damn near horrible and i have to fake a smile for them

[exmeowstic]

hii bastion !! can i pls ask to learn more abt ur ship with graha ? :o is ur insert the wol, or some other role in ffxiv, what were ur first impressions of each other and how/when did they shift into smth more? (u dont have to answer all of these, im just shooting questions out !) id love to learn more!! (@dmclr)

HIHII I HOPE YOUVE BEEN WELL <33 ive been dead from work but i finally managed to type out words from my brain. readmore bc its more than i expected and im embawassed a bit 👉👈 (also obligatory warning for spoilers thru endwalker)

SO. MY WOL AND GRAHA. truthfully,, there is still a lot of thinking to be done in terms of my s/i bastion and how things play out for him/how he fits into the story/how he acts and thinks and feels about things! esp as i approach the end of endwalker, it seems like dawntrail mighttt give me a bit more breathing room to actually think abt stuff

i do have him as the wol, i just feel like theres a lot i kinda missed out on/would like to review bc i Tunnel Vision Focused on msq to the exclusion of almost all else lol (and it doesnt help that my progression thru msq had been Very on and off until now bc i would put the game down for months due to social anxiety. frankly anytjing before like. mid stormblood is a biiiit of a blur)

though its extremely funny because i think during the crystal tower questline first meeting graha he did not make. a Particularly Big Impression on me. i was just like "oh cool another friend!" and then moved on once that was wrapped up and he kind of stayed in that default area of "nice new friend" that 99% of people fall into for bastion for a while..

AND THEN SHADOWBRINGERS HAPPENED. (admittedly i did go in pre-spoiled on the exarchs identity long before i even properly got into the game period, but just Knowing the thing and playing through it all myself are two Completely Different Feelings imo and everything about the reveal and the expansion just wrecked me it was so goodddd!!!) this is where i became crazy in the head about graha and started truly thinking abt him and bastions relationship specifically...

mm like i said i am still very much thinking about/putting pieces in place regarding bastions feelings and relationships with various characters and things, but as of endwalker things are in a weird spot with him and graha :3 specifially in the way of like... bastion is having a hard enough time just trying to come to terms with the fact that he has any sort of feelings for graha (or anyone, really) in the first place.

with the amount of things that happen to/around/because of him, he kind of blames anything happening to anyone around him on the fact That he is around, and is. overly worried with the idea that the people he cares about may get hurt because they get caught up in the mess that is His Entire Life. as much as he wants to spend more time with graha and just go on adventures with him and Not Worry, it all sits very heavily in the back of his mind.

that being said, while theyre definitely still dancing around the finer points of their feelings through endwalker, bastion and graha are undeniably close. there is no way bastion could see that an old friend waited and hoped and worked for an entire century for the sake of him and his future and Not try to match that dedication. bastion wouldnt say hes in love if you asked him, but he would say hes determined to do everything in his power to fulfill his promise to graha, to stay by his side through adventure after adventure and see the world as soon as theyre able.

on grahas side it probably seems like hes had. a Lot more time to think about things, but in truth i think hes still very much putting together the pieces. between all but abandoning who he was for a hundred years to take on the role of exarch, and then getting his soul and everything merged into his old body in the source and having to process all that, especially when he was so sure he was gonna sacrifice himself during shb and wasnt really planning on surviving up until now its. it makes me ill to think abt everything hes been through. so for sure he is also still working through his feelings. even if theyre both in a weird uncertain position about it as of right now, they both know for certain that they would like to stay by each others side.. we will have to see where dawntrail takes them ^_^

tldr lotta stuff is happening right now for the both of them so my wol and graha are not 100% a thing yet. though i can certainly think about them kising catboy yaoi style <3

bonus Image Of Them if you read this far i thank you for your time <333

[darkthingshappen]

The Merry Whump of May, Day 4

@themerrywhumpofmay

“Two birds, one bullet.”

Chess Pieces

Stubborn

Tower 

I'd like to thank my always whumperful crew: @oddsconvert @whumpcereal @quietly-by-myself and @sparrowsage who did an amazing beta job with this little ficlet.

HEAVY warnings for this short little fic: noncon touch, noncon gag, traiing gag, implied forced oral, implied future noncon, BBU Training. BBU, collar

The Trainee knelt with his feet locked in place and his wrists chained behind him and secured to the floor.  Kneeling was the first lesson they learned.  This particular trainee was already bought and paid for.  The client had made specific requests.  Needless to say, the boy would be a romantic.  A face that pretty, a mouth that delicate, this was only ever going to go one way.  

The trainee only wore two items, a high stiff collar to keep him angled correctly, and a thick silicon training gag stuffed in his mouth and locked around his head.  

The Handler cupped the boy’s cheek and ran his thumb over the end of the training gag.  

“Two birds, one bullet, or whatever.  I don’t have to hear your defiant screams telling me you didn’t sign up for this.  You will sign, whether you want to or not.  And secondly…” The Handler pushed at the end of the gag, shoving it just that much further into the trainee’s mouth.  “You get to work on taming that gag reflex of yours.”

The Handler smiled a bit as he saw the boy’s gag reflex kick in.  

“Still have a ways to go, don’t we trainee?   Perhaps you shouldn’t have been such a stubborn little brat when we first introduced this aspect of your training.  I know we’ve gone at a pretty fast pace, but the client wants you trained on an accelerated time table.”  The Handler moved his fingers up to the electrical burns at the boy’s temples.  “Shame we don’t use the old drugs, but the electrical stimulation to the frontal cortex seems to be just as effective at erasing you.  You still have several more sessions, but I’m seeing progress.”

The Handler turned the boy’s head this way and that, enjoying the way that different positions, with the extreme angle of his neck in the collar, forced his gag reflex to engage.  

“You pretty boys are all alike.  Chess pieces, pawns, for the rich and famous.”  He looked into the trainee’s watery blue eyes.  “Better you than me.  That’s why you’re there and I’m here.  I saw how the world works and decided to get on the winning side of it.  You didn’t even know there was a game being played, let alone that there were sides to pick from.”

The Handler let the boy’s chin go but the trainee barely moved in his high collar.  The man idly checked his watch.  

“I’ll be back later this evening.  If I can move your head around and you don’t gag, perhaps you’ll earn some nutrition.  If not, then maybe tomorrow.  I need to see a bit more effort on your part, understand?”

A single tear trickled down the trainee’s cheek as he nodded the fraction of an inch the collar would let him move.  

“Good, you’ll also be getting your barcode and number designation tomorrow.  So I suggest you really work on suppressing that reflex so you can sleep better.  Because this…” The Handler tapped the end of the gag, “Isn’t coming out any time soon.  The Client wants you delivered with it.”

Tags: Tagging List: @i-can-even-burn-salad @peachy-panic @deluxewhump @arwenadreamer @whumpcereal @melancholy-in-the-morning @dont-touch-my-soup @whumpsday @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @oddsconvert @melennui @susiequaz12 @morning-star-whump @crystalquartzwhump @whump-and-other-things @mylifeisonthebookshelf @reflected-pain@hold-him-down@quietshae@sparrowsage@quietly-by-myself@castielamigos-whump-side-blog@darlingwhump@hold-him-down@quietshae@no-terms-and-conditions-apply @there-will-always-be-blood (I hope I’m not forgetting anyone - please let me know if I am and I’ll fix it. I’m still getting used to this) 

[kirchefuchs]

(I had to scroll down far and wide for this photo lmfao ☠️)

HELLO CERESS

if you were to rate how your current TSP brainrot is going, how would you go about yours (mine is still 1000000/10 because this game has me on chokehold at all times istg /silly)

MORE IMPORTANTLY THO, how has thou been a-doing :]

life has been quite the jerk to you, huh? I'll beat its ass– I mean what who said that damn hahbshsgsyshs /pos

BUT ON A REAL NOTE, eat water and drink food cuz TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT 💯

— 🅰️non (heh, missed me?) || 07/02/2023

Yes I missed you a lot 🥺

As for my TSP brainrot......

It's being drowned out by my Wolfwood Trigun brainrot quite a bit right now, but that's not to say I don't still have TSP brainrot.

I'm still very receptacle to drawing TSP art since I did so just yesterday. Though with both brainrots I'm finding it difficult to use my brain at all, so there is that.

I still absolutely adore TSP and want to draw and make more content ofc. You don't have to worry about that.

As for my general life..... eh. I'll separate things into good, bad, and neutral feelings about the things.

Good: I got to have a sleepover with @dime-smothied (it was her first one ever, which was super crazy, lol). Also I bought I trigun print along with some stickers and a hoodie from my favorite artist ABDIllustraits (I would tag him bit I don't wanna bother him. He is on here though, and I adore his YouTube videos. The way he does them is just ♡♡♡♡♡)!!!! And earlier I got some TSP keychains and and acrylic standee in the mail, so I'm super happy about those!!! I love them a lot and I'm so excited to get the stuff from ABD!

Neutral: I've been temporarily back at work this week since they were severely understaffed due to people vacationing and such, so I'm making money again. So that's nice. I have a pretty set plan for moving out of my parent house, I just need to buy my own car, make doubly sure I have plenty of money saved up so I have time to find a job after I move, and then just get everything packed and double check my housing situation. So pretty soon I'll be able to move out and I'm excited about it, just gotta get all that stuff done.

Bad: Um. My pet snake Theo died two days ago........ I don't know what else I can say right now about it. I hurts and it's frustrating to say the very least. I loved him a lot and I miss him. So, I'm dealing with those emotions right now. I'm doing my best to cope, but we'll see as time passes how I do. Distractions are appreciated.

So yeah. That's pretty much everything I think. Honestly, I'm so happy to be getting asks from you again, you really help brighten my day 🅰️non, so thank you ♡ Right now I think I just need things to draw and fun drawings or rambles to look at. I'm always sad when I can't bring myself to draw or make anything so any ideas or suggestions mean the world to me.

And dont you worry about my health, I've been eating and drinking plenty of water I think. My friends are usually pretty good about making sure I keep up on that. I appreciate the concern though ♡♡♡

[mihai-florescu]

good evening

is the hypmic anime any good ? because i think i want to get into hypmic since it seems funny and i am weak for idols/music anime /games but i'm not sure if i want to start a completly new franchise that i might fixate on since finals are coming my way soon (′д｀ )

Ok, so... the rhyme anima is camp. I dont think its intention ever was to be a faithful adaptation because it literally strays from the main story by adding new anime original characters (and theyre All deeply unserious). I went in blind and it took me 3 or so episodes to start liking it, but i also didnt know anyone else who even knew what hypmic was or what else there is in the franchise (it was my first 2d music project actually, i really was clueless about Everything in this realm...)

I do think youre gonna have a good time with the anime, s2 airing rn is like cocomelon to me. I dont think its a big time investment from the get-go. And if you end up liking the characters and wanting to know more then i can help you find manga translations etc (i read them while they were still on tumblr, but i recently learned they were taken down and moved to discord. Which im not a fan of so i havent reread them in like +2 years. I would consider myself more of a casual fan since i dont keep up with news for hypmic, so warning that i may not know to help you after a certain point. But i am glad i read the manga that explains how the division leaders were connected in the past. You know me, prequel fan 4EVER)

WHY DO I ALWAYS WRITE SO MUCH. GOD. I would prioritize finals and then try out the anime to see how you vibe with the hypmic universe and characters, especially since you will be able to watch both seasons fully if you wait a few more weeks ^_^ oh and there's also music, you can give that a listen first if you want! Stella and Black Journey my beloveds (among others). Um. I hope any of this was helpful im sorry for being rambly

[punkscowardschampions]

Cali & Ronali

Ali: [Private at Carly, clearly not the second we leave this Halloween party but still early enough that you will have these messages whenever you wake up tomorrow]

Ali: 🌄⏰🐦🪱🐓🌄

Ali: ☕️👸 how was the rest of the party, vvitch?

Carly: no need to ? how it went for u 🧜🏼‍♀️🔮

Carly: mustve proper lured the lad to his death for me to get a text out of you

Ali: Ugh, as if it wasn’t shaming enough how 🌃 n 🌇 the mood is with me, I’m always the cliche of turning into the WORST friend 💔

Carly: nah you’re the best

Carly: & hey now no talk of shame or cliches before youre 💔 @ me for what I turned into

Ali: You’re the one turning them all into 🐸🐸🐸s

Ali: no shame in your game 🧙‍♀️🔮

Carly: if I had myself some real 🔮💜🧿💙

Carly: but fuck us talking about my 😢😭 always

Carly: you’re 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻

Ali: there’s always room for every 🌈☀️⛅️☁️❄️💨💧☔️

Ali: but if I have to come back and knock some teeth out, I will be doing double for them ruining both our weekends 

Ali: [send a picture of whatever stop you’ve hit so far]

Carly: sure but theres not for every ➡️⬅️⬆️⬇️↗️↘️↙️↖️

Carly: dont you dare fetch yourself back here til hes work on or we’ll be the ones having a fall out baby

Ali: Promise?

Ali: because 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻

Carly: 🐸🐸🐸’ll still be where i left em when youre after doing your own spells 

Carly: & I’ll be grand

Ali: Mosey was on one, I know that much

Ali: was basically hiding from him when Johnny found me

Carly: yea he wanted me to find you myself 1st but I said no like

Ali: well, he was only after that because he got embarrassed in the chat 🙄

Ali: not at all transparent and very flattering, boy

Carly: i offered him 🧟‍♀️💚 but he was off the poor girl soon as she showed herself, weren’t gonna drop it had to be u

Ali: He’d think it a power move

Ali: at least you made sure she still had a time worth coming out for

Carly: aw she’s so cute & ill not see her again now hes acting the gobshite 🥺👋

Ali: him not reckoning he can chat me up himself is hilarious though, as well as true but never thought I’d see the day with that ego

Carly: have to do everything myself but ah i reckon its a decent habit to get into w how things was left

Ali: You can invite 🧟‍♀️ over, you know where she worked

Ali: shop shouldn’t be packed up and gone quite yet

Carly: idk i dont have his ego

Ali: you were getting on great though

Carly: wes meant to be talking about how youre getting on w yer man there

Ali: Oh, right 😋

Ali: it’s weird, we’ve barely talked about it even

Carly: course no, he’d only be after saying something about it if u hurt him never shut the boy up then but when its he done wrong to you theres another story & closed 📙🧡

Carly: did he at least trouble himself to say some of what I taught you?

Ali: Loads

Ali: We’ll have to have more lessons but I got some of it 

Ali: I don’t think any of it was an apology, no, like but he said some things that are as good as, to me anyway 

Carly: 😁💛🌞💛

Carly: I was 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠 on everything I could

Ali: Your magick worked, baby

Ali: He’s never been that real with me 

Carly: yours 🧜🏼‍♀️🧚‍♀️👼👸🏼👩🏼‍🎤🧙🏼‍♀️

Carly: unlike mine it never fails

Ali: the 🐸 just like being slimy 🐸s, it’s 1000000% them

Ali: Do you reckon I’m to believe him, if he says he hasn’t slept with anyone since then?

Carly: I’d

Carly: hes not been 1 to whore himself round like moses even back in the day before you was bringing yourself round

Ali: I did believe him when he said it, s’only talking about it now I realised I might’ve not but fuck it, I do

Carly: be his way to go about 🥺💔😢💔😭 from that there night w the full knowing of what hed lost himself hes no dope for all he is

Ali: He thought I’d got with Caleb and/or Drew, that was obvious, however trashed I was that night, and how mortifying the reread was

Carly: yea you was hammered enough to want to let him 💭 it til that went wrong

Carly: I shouldve had your phone off you I’m sorry

Ali: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I should’ve thought of a less pathetic plan to get his attention in the first place

Ali: It’s all over now and he’s so 🙃

Ali: We understand how to do this better

Carly: off timing can send the best to the bad but it’s on your side now

Carly: fate decided he had to lose u for proper for a bit to decide he for proper wanted you too 💫💞

Ali: So what are we to decide for you and Moses, is it a yes or is it a no

Ali: or a maybe

Carly: theres no me & moses

Carly: forces intervened to show me what he for proper 💭 of me & its not 💫💞 ill never unknow it even though he don't know I do

Ali: What do you know 🐇

Carly: I cant be telling you cos you’ll 💪🥊🤕

Carly: he can keep his 🦷🦷 to keep you 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻 idc youre away thats what matters

Ali: I know you can handle yourself as well as him

Ali: I promise I won’t 💪🥊🤕 until I’m naturally in the same place as him

Carly: it hurt so much idc how im still here to be 😶💙

Ali: no 🥺

Carly: how am I to look @ myself? 

Ali: You’re perfect, in every way I can think of

Ali: he’s been on some absolute gobshite nonsense if he’s made you think any different

Carly: hes a point what he said in the group on ros bday about how thick I am, must be

Ali: his only point was being a cunt, often is

Carly: & ive always said hes not that bad, there then I am stupid for not knowing already he reckons im [whatever he said when he rated her horrifically]

Ali: who did he say that shit to?

Ali: For it to get back to you

Carly: all the lads

Carly: I thought he liked me for what he liked me for at least but turns out ive - craic & nothing to offer nobody like

Ali: He’s a freak who’s rating every sexual experience he has against his own made-up ranking and scale

Ali: it’s meant to be personal, and different, not comparable, he’s just wrong from the start

Ali: as well as a total, total cunt who doesn’t care if the girls he sleeps with hears this shit

Carly: yea well im not meant to have the knowing, forget i said a word, k?

Ali: but you do, if he tells every lad who he can, he’s aware that’s a possibility

Carly: its only a 😢☔️😭 day for me don’t let it ☁️ yours

Ali: don’t let him ☁️ you

Carly: ive got 🍭🍬 left still i’ll be grand when the sugar rush hits same as last night

Ali: You’d never done it before, how many times has he? He’s the only one with anything to be worrying about

Carly: idk idc

Carly: our tally stops on [idk what the number of times you’ve slept with this boy is, I dread to think] 

Ali: 🍭🍬 are gonna treat you better than that moron

Carly: 🥳✨🎇🎊⚡️🎆🎉

Carly: have your own fun baby dont bother yourself w me

Ali: I’m always gonna, it’s not optional

Carly: nor is keeping that boy waiting ⌚️⏱⏲⏰⌛️⏳

Carly: not for me when he hates me enough

Ali: I won’t tell him any of this, you said you weren’t to know

Ali: Moses deserves revenge but if that’s not what you want then 😶 I swear

Carly: johno wouldnt smack him for calling me worse I know that

Carly: not his fave you are 🍀🐇🌠

Ali: I don’t need his opinion on this, it’s clear and there’s right and there’s wrong

Ali: imagine the fuss if you compared him and Ro, except you’d literally never do that because you’re a nice person

Carly: theres no comparison how you said

Carly: it was only different how they are

Ali: That’s how it should be, even I know that and my tally is just the one right now

Carly: but what a 1

Carly: theres no comparison but you chose better

Ali: He’s as mean to you

Ali: it does make me a bad friend

Carly: long as hes not to you again

Ali: he was worried about me when we went away, that’s more than I can say for my parents so

Carly: & hes making you happy which is all I want for u ever

Ali: I’ll try and have all the self-respect if he’s not again and walk away 😤

Carly: johnos learnt you’re not gonna have to walk yourself nowhere no more

Ali: God I love this bike 🥴

Carly: you know he loves u when he lets you on the front to have a  drive of it instead of only the back 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠

Ali: …

Carly: my god

Carly: youre not coming back, I’m to never see you again

Ali: Sounds like you’re doubting my riding ability 

Carly: I’m saying watch he don’t drive you past no 💒💍

Ali: Now you know he’d never ��

Carly: hed have no girl driving him, johno I know

Carly: to be sure cant doubt your other riding ability at all 🍆🔮💜

Ali: only for a 🤏

Ali: Was going to say now he’s seen my own bike but just sounds like some weird euphemism 😹

Carly: 😅

Carly: i love when people reckon theyre up to something gas calling me a bike but it just sounds cute 🚲💐

Ali: The insults just don’t hit like they used to, I swear, if it was at least 😅 I’d have to pretend to be slightly offended for ‘em

Carly: I’ll give it a lash thinking of some decent when u leave me here cos youre away 💒💍

Ali: Behave yourself, not even old enough to get myself the pill

Carly: do you need it? Ill send [her mum] off soon as youre back like

Ali: I think it’ll be too late but we can try

Ali: I’m not, I’d be able to tell 🔮

Carly: I’ll busy myself w magic of my own to try & keep u safe how hes not, must be I love u more 

Ali: No doubt about it 💙💜

Carly: ill miss you 🥺❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🥺

Ali: He’s got work like you said, can only keep him that long 

Ali: will we not go to school and have a day to ourselves

Carly: [her mum] swears herself by gin & a hot bath so thats a date there or we can take ourselves off up the mountain & roll you down?

Ali: gravitys sure to save me 😵‍💫

Carly: i’d save you baby

Ali: 🥺

Carly: will we go get new clothes for bonfire night? youve some english in u we can celebrate it

Ali: 🔥🦋👠🍄🦔💃🥁🧨🪓🍁👢🍎🧚🍂🦊🪐🔥

Ali: we gotta

Carly: @ your house or are you to tell ro cos he’ll listen to you?

Ali: See the mood anyone @ mine is in by then… 

Carly: ah fuck you’ll be in disgrace for your 💒💍 true enough

Ali: Might be that my ma will think it’s a killer idea if it gets Ro interested, girl Ro, btw

Carly: I can’t w em having the same name, I’ll have to call her something else, it’s been said when me & he celebrated his bday together I’d be 😳🍨

Ali: 🤣

Ali: We can invite boy Ro, and Bart, they’d both come

Carly: might be he’ll be after seeing or bringing his girl idk

Ali: I saw the 😘 but Idk who she is, do I?

Carly: I think her name’s [something it either is or isn’t but unlike Moses we genuinely think it is and aren’t just trying to be funny or shady] but thats all I know of her

Ali: The more the merrier, anyway, the guestlist is lacking these days

Carly: long as I can party w my 👶 fave

Ali: 💛🎇😈🎆💛

Ali: He’s guaranteed to be there, he can’t make an excuse yet

Carly: what we dressing him up as?

Ali: Gonna need a Guy for the bonfire

Carly: aw 👶🧨💥

Ali: He’ll love the threat of violence, for sure

Ali: That’s settled

Carly: you said u 👀 the 💋💓🥰💘 whatd u 💭 to 🤠🤎? 

Ali: Hmm, he’s very considerate, I’d say

Ali: would be better in a private setting, undoubtedly, without all the 💬

Carly: yea

Ali: What are you 💭 of 🤠🤎?

Carly: i told him he was to keep seeing this girl cos he was telling me to keep myself from moses but maybe I was not to

Carly: things still dont feel the same between me & ro for my getting myself involved idk

Ali: You were only pointing out it wasn’t his place, that’s what I would 💭 if I were him

Ali: They never do anything they don’t want to do, yeah

Carly: it was him told me about the ratings

Ali: Oh

Ali: did it feel like he was telling you like a friend or that he was trying to be a dick with it like Moses?

Carly: he was being nice to me before & he didnt wanna say but I’d not shut up about it

Ali: It would make sense for him caring about you going with Moses, him knowing and not liking that he rates you all

Carly: ive never known him as 😤😠 @ me, yea 😡🤬

Ali: I think he likes you

Carly: what?

Carly: no

Ali: Hmm, I’m keeping my 👀 peeled

Carly: why do u think hed like me?

Ali: If he was just a friend looking out for you, he wouldn’t need to be all 😤😠😡🤬

Ali: Ro wouldn’t be, would he?

Carly: ro never is

Ali: Right

Carly: he said im to behave more like a sister though

Carly: he cant like me if hes saying that

Ali: Okay, odd choice of words

Ali: but you know he’s not meant to like you, he’s Johnny’s brother, like

Carly: k true

Ali: It would add up, I’m not saying 100% but he would’ve joined in harder after the whole birthday thing, I think, if he didn’t like you

Carly: he troubled himself when I was crying

Carly: oh 

Ali: yeah

Ali: Do you like him?

Carly: idk hes always slagging me, 1st to, ive never ever 💭

Carly: god i told him to keep on w that girl he’ll think im a massive bitch if he likes me & im there like hey cute couple yous

Ali: Nah, you don’t have to like him back, little awkward, sure but you’re not obligated

Carly: ive just remembered ive gone on about girls hes fucked too 😳🍨 wow

Ali: 😶

Carly: im chucking myself in the bonfire like 

Ali: you’ll do no such thing, the costume’ll be off

Carly: hes been trying to help me this entire time 🥺 & what did I do? I hate myself 🤢🤮

Ali: He’s been far from perfect, if it was obvious, you wouldn’t have said any of those things

Ali: and you’ll be more embarrassed than him at this point

Carly: 🍭🍬 would kick in this minute

Ali: breathe, baby

Carly: 😵‍💫

Ali: There’s not a thing for you to worry about, if he does like you, it’s a mostly nice thing and you can handle it, if he doesn’t, then there’s nothing for you to think on now

Carly: & you’ll keep an eye how you said?

Carly: I don’t wanna make it no worse for the poor lad than I’ve already either way

Ali: Of course

Ali: you aren’t going to, you were just clueless, which is obviously how he wanted it, in fairness

Carly: i feel bad for being when I’m meant to know these boys better than most & it turns out I dont

Ali: I think that’s growing up

Ali: none of us know each other as well as we’d think

Carly: promise we know each other though

Ali: ‘course

Ali: We’re not claiming to know each other since 👶👶s though

Ali: sometimes I think they’re the people you know the least

Carly: yea, I reckon youre 🎯 w that 1

Ali: Sorry, downer

Ali: you wouldn’t know I was 😍🥰😘

Carly: i was who started it sorry

Ali: don’t be sorry, I’ll have to prepare for the comedown of leaving him 

Carly: ill bring the 🌈🌞 when youre 😢☔️😭 swear

Ali: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Carly: whatever ive to take

Ali: Makes a case for showing at school just to get the plug but nah

Ali: we don’t need them, got our own fun of rolling me down hills and into baths to contend with

Carly: I love you

Carly: it’ll be fun 🤞❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤞

Ali: Always, angel

Carly: but go have loads w out me 1st 😍🥰😘

Ali: I can’t stop

Ali: I will find you when I’m back 

Carly: til he finds u on his lunch break sure

Ali: 🙏🙏🙏

Ali: think I’ll go insane if he tries to leave me waiting

Carly: hed b insane to

Ali: I know I can’t message him, he’ll be fuming

Carly: youll have no need trust me im not clueless on that

Ali: It isn’t going to be two months, not again

Carly: itll not be 2 days ⌚️⏱⏲⏰⌛️⏳

Carly: youll be counting it in hours

Ali: I just love him

Carly: I know baby & we both do he loves u too

Ali: He likes me a lot

Carly: k if thats what you wanna act like I said

Ali: That’s just what he says

Carly: well he would

Ali: I don’t see it as a copout, he says it like he means it

Carly: its no copout course he means it same as what he cant say & s’only to show in what he does

Ali: I’m glad he’s only 16, that we have time

Carly: youve donkey’s for it to be unreal

Ali: 🤎🤎🚀🍯🐺🔑🎠🥾⚡️🎲🍭☄️🤎

Ali: I need to invite him back over mine, erase that memory with it

Carly: soon as

Carly: have him do all he did cept this time hes to stay

Ali: 🤔 and make sure I pick up his clothes from the stairs this time, note to self

Carly: yea 😅

Ali: Poor, poor Thomas

Carly: whats he to dress up as? I’ll ask him while youre too busy to talk to me no more

Ali: replaced, shocking behaviour 😚

Carly: yours 

Carly: im here behaving as a wifey waiting on u back

Ali: We all knew I behaved shockingly

Ali: 😎🤘

Carly: y your my forever & ever fave 🐅🧡 dont change 🐆🖤

Ali: and you’re why I’ll come back, even though I could let him drive and drive until we’re 🌊

Carly: 🥺 will I 😢😭 til youre back for the want of u?

Ali: you mustn’t, you’ve got so many outfits to plan

Carly: & lads to keep myself from

Ali: I’ll plot my revenge he’ll not even know is from us

Carly: no youre busy

Ali: when there’s room in my head for it

Ali: have to drive sometimes if we’re to reach [however far yous are going]

Carly: u heard me theres donkey’s before u need room in your head for nothing else quit your driving too far ahead of yourself

Ali: 🥺💛💛 okay

Carly: or ill have the outfit back on & put you under a spell like

Ali: I’m so under it

Carly: grand, thats more as it should be

Carly: 🤎🤎🚀🍯🐺🔑🎠🥾⚡️🎲🍭☄️🤎

Ali: 💀 RIP me

Carly: youre living too 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻 to die & sure the bikes too fast as well 💨🌠🚀☄️

Ali: There’s too much left to see and feel

Carly: so on ye go 💜🧚❤️🐞🍃💚🐝💛👼🏼💙🦋🧡

Ronan: [@ Ali at some point when she vanishes from this party and has been gone long enough for him to notice that isn’t like at a stalker level of where is she?]

Ronan: Hey

Ronan: you reckoning on hiding yourself all night?

Ali: [When you really did]

Ali: 👻 antics are seasonally appropriate but still proper bad craic

Ronan: Mosey and his bad craic’s not so scary

Ronan: and he gave it up to take Carls off before long, you know

Ali: Ah, don’t you be putting it about that I’m scared of that boy

Ronan: What was it happened? Too many sweets?

Ronan: she said you’re not feeling yourself when I saw her the now but not you

Ali: This time of year does make me think about my sister and brother

Ali: ended up needing some peace and quiet, like

Ronan: Yeah ‘course

Ronan: I should’ve reckoned on that, but we know where each other is if you need something else, you’ve only to say and I’ll bring it ‘round there, no bother

Ali: You’re a good mate, too good of one to subject to a deep and meaningful about all my bullshit but I’ll keep that in mind

Ali: how was the rest then, what did I miss?

Ronan: [tell her the kind of stories you always get from teen parties, nothing too drama I’m sure because you’re trying to cheer her, more like silly antics from friends and peeps she’d also know]

Ali: 😅

Ali: I saw your 🎆

Ronan: Ah well, I had myself crossed you would, knowing how much you like ‘em

Ali: A fellow pyro after my own heart

Ronan: Party’s to go with a bang, eh? Or how much of one would it be, like?

Ali: Do yous have any left? Speaking of

Ronan: Some, but I can get more if needs

Ali: Might be having my own little shindig next weekend, providing my parents aren’t on at me over this or that

Ronan: At yours? I’ve never had an invite there before when the rest are in

Ali: You don’t have to, but they’re not total dickheads, I swear

Ronan: Are your parents going to be about?

Ali: It’s bonfire night, you know, food, sparklers, that kind of family-friendly content

Ronan: So they’re about and you’re after me meeting them?

Ali: Oh my God, don’t make it sound like that 🙄😳

Ali: Carls and Bart are invited too, obviously

Ronan: Right then, we’ll all of us come

Ali: 😁

Ali: and bring fireworks, lots of

Ronan: Many as we can all of us carry, swear

Ali: My little brother will be made up 🤩

Ronan: Mine act up for ‘em too, I don’t know how it is there’s any left or they’ve fingers

Ali: Do not let him help, whatever he tries to say, no sense yet that one

Ronan: Come on, he’ll not have sense ‘til he learns it, and I’ll not let him get himself blown to bits

Ali: He’s 3, boyo

Ali: take it up with my ma, if you’re so inclined 😉

Ronan: Be a grand impression to make on her that would, I’ll behave decent, don’t you worry

Ali: I’m not, they’re pretty chill and you’re a good boy really

Ronan: I’ll really try

Ali: aw shucks

Ali: Don’t try too hard, they’ll be after replacing me with you

Ronan: You couldn’t be replaced by nobody

Ali: FINE, I’ll make [something swag she has clearly made before that is somehow seasonably appropriate, you get my vibe lol]

Ronan: Fireworks for [this thing]’s a fair enough trade

Ali: Fireworks and compliments, you’re out of pocket

Ronan: Only called you irreplaceable, barely even counts as 

Ali: True… thought you said you were trying

Ronan: At the weekend

Ronan: you can’t expect it morning after

Ali: You’re only at your full potential on a 🌕 I know

Ronan: Yeah, might be

Ali: You remembered to declaw and defur yourself yet?

Ronan: [a selfie there is no need of except his blatant crush]

Ali: 👋🐺 

Ali: Your costume was sick 

Ronan: Shop was cool, shame Mosey boy got that girl out of it for nothing but weren’t a wasted trip for me, can’t say that

Ronan: you looked best out of everyone though and you never went down

Ali: Sure she’ll survive without his attentions, be better for it no doubt

Ali: I’d been planning ages

Ronan: Could tell, it proper showed

Ali: Cheers 🧜‍♀️🌊💚

Ali: Bit gutted I accidentally matched Mosey, no meet-cute like Bartley and that lass

Ronan: Was bad luck for you

Ronan: thought I’d had a touch of my own turning Carls onto girls herself ‘til she set me and herself straight going with him again

Ali: You dope 😅 she were only cheering her for bothering to come out, like you said

Ronan: I don’t know, seemed more to me

Ali: Really?

Ali: I mean, if she ended up going with Moses, easy way to get his attention 🤷‍♀️

Ronan: True, it’ll be that

Ali: Did you think 🧟‍♀️ was cute?

Ronan: Mosey and Carls both being all over her she must’ve had something going on, but I never noticed what

Ali: Me either

Ronan: Be green for days her, who’s after troubling themselves scrubbing her back? A job and a half I’m not signing up for

Ali: Be alright if she was still working in that shop, not fuck knows where now

Ronan: I was told [somewhere it’s hilariously inappropriate for her to still be green, for the lols, soz girl]

Ali: 😱😱😱 Makes me wanna rock up and see, that does

Ronan: I’ll take you now

Ali: Ah, can’t

Ronan: Why? She might’ve got it all off tomorrow

Ali: Not at home atm

Ronan: She’ll probably be working ‘til [a time] when are you? I’ll come for you and we can go over

Ali: On an adventure 🌄

Ali: Photographic evidence if you go, please

Ronan: I’ll be on my way to go get a selfie with her

Ali: Can see what you reckon in the cold light of day

Ronan: Can’t be falling out with Carls over it, took ages for us to be friends again

Ali: I’m so glad you’re sorted though

Ronan: And me

Ali: You handled it good

Ronan: You reckon? Cheers

Ali: Trust, I’d feel insanely awkward in the middle if you hadn’t

Ronan: Trust, I don’t want it to be like that, for none of us

Ali: None of us do, that’s why we get on so well

Ronan: Yeah

Ali: We’re alright, aren’t we?

Ronan: What do you mean? ‘Course we are

Ali: Just checking, wouldn’t want my party dip to have you holding a grudge

Ronan: I should’ve checked on you better myself, seen you was alright

Ali: Nah, not at all

Ronan: I’ll be able to keep a closer eye on you at the next

Ali: Well, that’s true

Ali: can’t get quite as hectic but we’ll try

Ronan: It’ll be good

Ali: Match your behaviour, yeah

Ronan: You’re not promising to be?

Ali: Where’s my incentive to do that?

Ronan: I can’t say I know what that word is, not going school no more

Ali: 😏 I’m not promising, is the long and short of it

Ronan: You want me to make you, is why, is it?

Ali: 😆 Shut up, you

Ronan: Yeah, you’re after me giving you something to behave, I’ve worked it out

Ali: You’re such a wind-up, you sound like your brother

Ronan: Me? You with your big words and wanting of presents

Ali: Touche 😬

Ronan: We don’t neither of us need to follow his way for nothing

Ali: I’m certainly not planning to, don’t you worry

Ronan: I’m not, you go your own, have since I’ve known you

Ali: And I’d only ever compare you to Moses to take the piss, not to be an absolute bitch, promise

Ronan: He goes his own too, less of a compliment in it there

Ali: Was going to say you’re too fair for your own good

Ronan: But he’s still my brother, end of the day

Ali: Yeah, can’t pick ‘em, I get it

Ronan: And he might grow up out of it, others have

Ali: There’s always time for that

Ronan: Time for Carly to walk away from him

Ali: She’s done with him

Ronan: She’s said?

Ali: Yeah, I’ve spoken to her

Ali: Unsurprising he managed to fuck it up again, obviously

Ronan: How do you know she means it when there’s been a before?

Ali: I can’t see the future that well but she’s even more upset with him right now so

Ronan: Least he’ll not be there at your party, can’t tempt her back

Ali: Couldn’t imagine he’d be after no invite

Ronan: I could, how he were looking for you last night

Ali: That’s probably mostly because Johnny called him a cunt, looking for ways to win back some rep, or whatever nonsense

Ronan: And he’ll still be trying, didn’t manage to win nothing sleeping with Carls, not to John Boy

Ali: Either way, he’s not invited to have no [whatever we said we’re making]

Ronan: He don’t have no clue where you live to crash it

Ali: Thank God

Ronan: I’d not tell him, nor would she

Ali: Do you know if Bartley likes Carly?

Ronan: Likes? I’ve to check I saw what I reckon you wrote

Ali: I know, but don’t you think he dislikes her a little TOO hard? Think about it

Ronan: Johno don’t like her that hard, they’re brothers, there’s sense he’d follow feeling the same, we’re all of us meant to

Ali: I suppose so

Ronan: That why he’s invited? 

Ali: No, he’s just pretty chill too

Ronan: I don’t reckon he likes that girl Mosey brought over to him

Ali: No, duh, that was just him looking for more ways to piss Johnny off

Ali: sure she’s nice and all but

Ronan: But he don’t bother himself with most girls, now I’m thinking how you said to

Ali: He probably likes someone then, even if it ain’t Carls 💭

Ronan: I can’t remember when he has before last night, ages then

Ali: Don’t tell him, will you, I’m just wondering out loud

Ronan: And me, you’ve started me off

Ali: Don’t 🤯 boy

Ronan: Who else’d he like?

Ronan: [just suggesting some girls it could be lol]

Ali: Do you boys not talk?

Ronan: He don’t talk about that ‘cept to join in with how the others are, might be there’s good reason if he’s after her

Ali: Do you join in?

Ronan: When I have to, there’s no getting out of it some of the time

Ali: Yeah, boys will be boys

Ronan: It’s harmless, more or less

Ali: It’s what you do, anyway

Ronan: Don’t girls?

Ali: Sure, some do

Ronan: Nothing’s been said about you

Ali: I’m not worried about myself, you’re alright

Ali: what’s there to be said, anyway?

Ronan: Carls isn’t worried about herself neither

Ali: Must be all good then

Ronan: Look, I don’t know why you’re off with me for this

Ali: I’m not just change the subject, it’s not your fault

Ronan: What aren’t you telling me?

Ali: I said I wouldn’t 🤐

Ronan: Ali

Ali: Don’t first name me, Mr Serious

Ali: it’s okay, it’s handled

Ronan: Quit your leaving me out of what’s to be handled

Ali: I told you she’s upset with Moses, connect those dots, think of the many reasons that could be

Ali: that’s all you need to know, and why she’s done with him

Ronan: Fuck, who told her?

Ronan: he can’t have done

Ali: Surprisingly not, hardly outside of his remit but nah

Ali: I don’t know, I wasn’t there when she found out

Ronan: She never said where she heard it?

Ali: She doesn’t want a fuss, it’s embarrassing enough

Ronan: Yeah, why she weren’t to know

Ali: If you chat shit, you can’t assume it isn’t going to be heard by other people

Ronan: Jesus, how’s she?

Ali: Crappy, you could try and cheer her up without making it dead obvious you know

Ali: as I can’t get home to be there quick enough

Ronan: I’ll get myself over to see her

Ali: Good man

Ronan: I’ll try, like

Ronan: to be less of a messer

Ali: You’re not the only one

Ronan: Don’t mean it’s cool for me to be one of

Ali: No, not really but it’s your life and your shit to figure out

Ronan: It’s not easy living here

Ali: There’s plenty of expectation

Ronan: Nor having him for a brother, but you know we’re not the same

Ali: Of course, it’s his rating system, not yours

Ronan: I treat her as decent as I can

Ali: I know that too, so does she

Ronan: Are we alright? 

Ali: Yes, we’re all good, Ro

Ronan: I’ll be going to cheer up Carly then

Ali: I appreciate it, I’ll be back Monday, she’s got that planned and booked in

Ronan: I’m gonna be about ‘til work sends me off

Ali: Maybe I’ll see you then, if we happen to catch each other

Ronan: Maybe

Ali: Are we alright?

Ronan: I asked you, how am I to have the answer? I don’t

Ali: I haven’t been judgy about your locker room talk, what you have to do to fit in

Ronan: No, but you’re still mad about it

Ali: I can’t change my worldview to think it’s alright, doesn’t mean we need to fight

Ronan: I can’t fight with all of the lads about theirs, not all the time

Ali: I understand that

Ronan: You don’t, you’ve no clue how it is

Ali: I didn’t say I’ve been through it, I know that you do, the toll it can take

Ronan: There’s just constant grief and aggro for not calling her a whore or wanting her to leave

Ali: You’ve a part to play

Ronan: It was meant to get better for doing what Moses said to on my birthday, but it’s not

Ali: like you said, no one is going to be satisfied until she’s gone

Ronan: Her ma won’t, she’s stuck ‘round this long

Ali: God knows why

Ronan: What am I to do?

Ali: Why would I have the answer? If only, like

Ronan: You’re smart, smarter than me

Ali: I’m not, and it’s about your life and what you have to do for yourself, I couldn’t begin to tell you

Ronan: I’ll go to Carly, it’s all there is to do at the minute

Ali: It’s a start, isn’t it

Ronan: See you Monday, maybe

Ali: I’m sorry you’re stressed out now too, I wish I could help

Ronan: You’ve a point, it’s not your problem

Ali: I didn’t mean it how that sounds, I care, I just don’t know what you can or should do

Ronan: Yeah, I know

Ali: Okay, I’ll let you go then

Ronan: Later, like

[waywardsalt]

ok since tears of the kingdom is coming out like. insanely soon i figured i’ll just dump how i’ve been feeling abt it here. i wont tag for them and i dont intend to share any but because i have been actively seeking out spoilers i will vaguely reference them here so… idk really long musings on this game and my feelings abt it

(im just writing this out mostly for myself since i really kind of just. want to really figure out how i feel about this)

i… am not excited for totk?

i’ve figured out a bit ago that my severely waning interest in botw and general anxiety and discontent surrounding totk is just that… these games arent for me. i dont enjoy open world games with half a million things for you to do like it’s basically a sandbox. i struggle to really enjoy singleplayer minecraft. the space stage in spore gives me genuine anxiety, both when i played it as a kid and again when i reached it as an adult.

botw and totk are not games for me, and that’s cool. i’ve figured that out.

so why am i getting so damn anxious about this new game?

i am getting totk- not entirely of my own volition, i live with someone who is very genuinely excited for it, so it’s pre-ordered digitally on our switch. i am going to play it and complete it at least once.

the gameplay and world of botw never really got to me, and even what snippets of gameplay i see for totk dont really entice me. it just makes me anxious to think about the sheer amount of new stuff i’ll be dropped in the middle of and how i really dont care about this version of link or zelda or anyone else in botw’s hyrule

and some of the story spoiler stuff and general direction this game is going in has me just worried that the zelda series is moving away from what it used to be into an entirely new direction, that being a direction that it seems like i wont enjoy as much as everyone else seems to

so then i guess my main worry outside of totk is that i just end up struggling to really feel connected to the rest of the community about this? being a contrarian is fun until everyone is enjoying something you for some reason can’t get yourself to

i dont have a lot of hope in the story of totk to harken back to… ANYTHING of worth that past games have built up and made to be so important and interesting. hype is a dangerous thing for a not-yet-released game, and while i think the insane amount of speculation and theories and hype around totk will cause a lot of people to be disappointed with the final story, i dunno if i really wouldve liked it even if the story actually piqued my interest

maybe totk’s gameplay will really hook me. maybe i’ll enjoy the massive open world and gmod-ass gimmicks. but what ive seen of the story makes me less interested and the snippets of gameplay i see just make me remember how bored i now am with botw

at the end of the day this is just a video game with tags on this site i can blacklist and videos i can ignore and lore i can brush aside because at this point loz canon is a suggestion more than anything

i just cant shake the discomfort of once again being an outlier as everyone i see loses their mind about this new game while i just feel overwhelmed by it. i have played botw for a long time and have long since worn it out. i played age of calamity to completion and have not touched it or cared for it beyond the music since. i am not excited about totk and i feel like i am in the wrong due to my opinion

[ladyimaginarium]

NAME: Angel / אנג'ל / Aanzhenii / ᐋᓐᔐᓃ.

PRONOUNS: any pronouns ; preferably he/him, she/her, they/them, it/its ( unless if you're white or I& will destroy you ), fae/faer, wiiya/wiiyawow & indigenous & plural pronouns & neopronouns.

AGE: 22 / XXII ( Biological & Chronological Age ) ; 4-8 ( Little Age ) ; 19 ( Traumastuck Chronosian Age ) ; True Age varies from infancy to infinity.

BIRTHDAY: july 13th.

ETHNICITY: indigenous "canadian" / mixed white, native ( mi'kmaq, wolastoqiyik, abenaki, metis & huron-wendat ) & ashkenazi jewish. ( however due to staying inside so much & my& white seeming appearance, i’ve been assumed / mistaken as white or a vampire - person. lmao )

TIME ZONE: EST.

STAR SIGN: cancer sun ; sagittarius moon ; libra rising ; leo venus.

MBTI: INFP.

MORAL ALIGNMENT: a bit of a neutral good & true neutral ( dont test me& bitch )

HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenpuff. not that it matters bc fuck jkr.

[ EXPERIENCE ]

HOW LONG (MONTHS/YEARS?): 14 yrs. ( considering last year & this one, usually on discord, will soon be 15 years by the end of the year & into 2023 )

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: used to rp back in forums. also used to rp in-game on impressive title servers like royal skies & last moon & feralheart then moved into tumblr & here i& am, usually on discord these days.

BEST EXPERIENCE:  meeting peeps i& would always gush & pterodactyl screeching about various fandoms we’re both into ; also making friends that’ll last a lifetime <3

[ WRITING PREFERENCES ]

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT?: fluff & angst. smut? i& can definitely do but that comes w/ chemistry & not to mention im& arospec & acespec so its like. not smth i& do all the time at all.

PLOTS OR MEMES: BOTH!!!!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: it depends on my writing mood, i& don’t mind both tho.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: mostly night in my& case. sometimes morning. depends on writing mood again or if im& not easily distracted.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): it depends on the muses but understand that my& muses are my& introjects now & are part of our& system & for the most part quite frankly always have been before my& syscovery; they were either just pretending to be muses or they developed a mind of their own. they're& all living, breathing individuals who all have their own goals, dreams, passions, ambitions, hobbies & fears & are dynamic individuals capable of reasoning & thought process, they tend to experience ideas & qualities of myself& from time to time, intentionally or not because when you share a brain that's what tends to happen, so basically don't be surprised if you see repeating behaviors in many of them or they stray from their personalities somewhat. all of them are dynamic, not stagnant, and they will not always remain the same, just like you & me&.

tagged by: nobody lmfao

tagging: @dethqveen @phantasmagcrical & whoever else wants to :V

[pastramimommy]

9/13/2024

Alrighty you can see how well im doing with my habits since im writing this halfway through the month lmao so here we are in september, balls deep into a doctoral program and I got the VA job but dont start till october. I have been absolutely BLESSED that I have a whole month of doing school without a job because I would be absolutely fucked adjusting to both at the same time. I basically started school already behind, trying to catch up and not really sure the best way to approach my classes. I was studying all day without any other real commitments and it freaked me tf out that I will soon be expected to do this while working 40 hours a week. but alas, I am officially back on top of things and need to find a system that works for me while I am in school.

I spent 2 weeks in LA so that threw me off my habit game a bit, but thats just an excuse bc I've still been doing a shitty job while at home. I will give myself some grace about attending church in person, and be satisfied with watching online since I am not committed to a community here yet. My morning routine I worked so hard to build is looking pretty pitiful right now LOL I am now trying to work myself back up to waking up at 5-5:30am but am struggling and need to get my ass in bed before 10. Meal prepping breakfast helped me get things moving faster, but I need to let myself take a moment for Bible app and set the days intentions before i jump into studying. I have been working out like mf beast and am in the greatest shape of my life, achieving new flexibility/strength goals, but i am getting so stagnant with pole, i need lessons again!!

Living at home has been truly interesting lol seeing my sisters as potential roommates has revealed a lot. and the constant proximity is testing maya and I's relationship but for the better, imo. there is a lot of unaddressed issues there so no better time than now to let it all out. I am not having a bad time living at home by any means, its just hard to get into a routine when a lot of my day is dependent on others' schedules. I am very excited for the future house, but i am a lot less excited for the move.

Now for the tea!! Dating is crazy bro. I've had some incredible dates and met some incredible people. Most of the people I would be remotely interested in live at least 30 minutes away so that has been tough. I've made some solid connections with people but I am fr trying to learn from my mistakes with Chris and not go 0 to 100 with anyone. And it's funny I really gotta hold back sometimes. The biggest struggle is still wanting to be out there and meeting new people when someone is set on me. And it really makes me feel like shit because that is the roles were reversed when I was with Chris. But I can confidently tell myself at the end of the day, I am not doing anything wrong because I am being transparent about where I stand. I am proud of myself for my intentionality with going about things ethically. I am here to meet all the people but not break any hearts!! It really freaks me out that I have to try to balance dating and school and work. Like I can't put it off because otherwise I start looking at 30 years old? nah. i crunched the numbers, I need to put in work asap because i won't be able to hang out with anyone frequently enough to start officially dating anyone at a regular pace. so here I will be, bulldozing through this new phase trying to do all the mf things at once. The main goal is being gentle with myself and holding onto my habits, routines and coping mechanisms i worked so hard to build.

[nel-world]

you are overqualified why do u want to go?

his mom would have conversations abour rice? does ur mom cook rice ?

what does she use ? it is brown?

there is small /little rice

u are from bombai .. you know ..

onions are looking so big

potatos so big..

i took public transport .we just stand the bus driver would stop and open the door. can you open the door?can u open the gate? u have ring the bell

hello , my name is azghi

i like basebell

im practising my introduction

i leave my home in india

i fly fly fly and land in america

im very excited

my entire village has turned up

i have passport

u know im first person to fly

i have a letter

dear azghni , its wonderful place

im going to help u

u can live with us and see america

he owned a restaurant

400 east 6 th st

the world , galaxy

hey ma , dont cry

when i go america , i will write every day

i will from top from empire state , bottom from grand canyon, hollywood

i will write from cleveland

i will be rich and i will invite u

what is this

a stone

u are giving a stone

story of riverstone

i dont r

im keeping it

i threw it away

i keep it

it is in my pocket

i have to go

u made it

this is new york is a crazy place

this is my job

im manager here

im the owner

im the waiter

its such a good job

u know mr hakim were waiting at airport

they two children

samir is 10 year

he is playing with gameboy

how am i doing

sakina is older

dont u worry , soon u will catch on

i have no idea

if u smile , nod u head , people love u

mr hakim is my best friend .. let me tell u something profound

any one can be rich

i just smile

u are absoultely

one day u are millionaire

america can u give u nothing

my dream is classical indian dancer

show me i used to dance

i used to dance

she closed her eyes

her arms and hips

i think u should

then she told me she is going to teach me dance

i try

i put my wrists and turn my hand

im very good this

i can be dancer myself

i can do much than cook food

u bught present for me

hello bob , business is good , dinner for 5

very proud of him

i understand

time is money

what is this dress

u think are too smart

u can marry black guy,white guy

why did i can to restaurant

so that i can proud of u

why did i came here , it is for u

they teach u about

i know

its all fun and games

and then what

everything will be gone

dont speak to me in english

look what u have become

dancing is iportant but im not

help ur mother in kitchen

sakina is getting married

its a party , there are lot of people

there is a dj playing songs

how could u leave ur stuff, u need to clean up

i give the gameboy.. give me postcard

u know what what

my sister sent picture of ninja turtles

we were supposed to go

but my grandmother died

u know what happened happened

u know what

i had a fight

im doing that

no way

u know what happeend

then i called upstairs

to see pics

do u remmeber

u can hold my gameboy for 5 mins

i kicked him

its my five minutes

im not even sorry

he stole my gameboy

im not coming here

why do u hit me

everyone is stupid

we were supposed not to

im sorry

button up his pants. Thank you Angel, I mean Kar—…I mean

Angel.

///

AZGI:ABDUL! I need two puri’s on table five! I need two lassi’s on

table six, and this lamb curry is COLD COLD, COLD! Food, Abdul,

is supposed to be HOT, HOT! Not COLD! How come you don’t

seem to understand that????? (Azgi runs to speak to one of his

tables. To first table.) I am very sorry. In all the time that I have

worked in this restaurant, food is NEVER cold, NEVER! He is heating it up right now. I will bring it out in two minutes and you just

keep enjoying your…water. (He moves to the second table.)

Hello, how are you? My name is Azgi, I will be your waiter. How

can I help you? Oh yeah, it is kind of spicy, but we have a scale.

You see, you can order how spicy you would like one, two, three,

four, five. You decide, he’ll make it.—What?—You want number

five? (Azgi is a little concerned.) Sir don’t take number five, take

number two—No, no, number two is better for you, it’s very

good, you’ll like it very much.—Please sir, don’t take number five.

Sir I am trying to save your life OK. (Getting angry.) look, look in

my eyes OK, number two is better for you. OK you think about it

I will come back OK. (He runs upstage again.) ABDUL!—Where is

my lamb curry ????

(The lamb curry seems to have appeared on the line.)

AZGI:A-ha! (He runs over to the first table with the imaginary

lamb curry. It is very hot and burns his hands.) There you go. OK?

piping hot—What happened? Why you look so sad? Not

lamb?—CHICKEN.—Oh my God!—No, no, please sit down.

95

Where you going? please don’t leave, sit down, I am very sorry,

this is a terrible mistake, I will bring out chicken in just two minutes, please don’t leave, whatever you do don’t leave. (He runs

over to second table.) OK, OK, look I tell you what, number three,

number three is plenty hot, plenty hot. You don’t need number

five. LISTEN MAN!! I AM FROM INDIA!!! and even in India

nobody asks for number five! It’s not a real thing that you can

eat, it’s just for show. I am not screaming, you are screaming!

Look, look, now your wife is crying! I didn’t make her cry, you

made her cry! OK, OK. Fine, Fine, you want five, fifteen, one hundred five!! I give you OK!

ABDUL!—- Listen on dup forty-one, I put number five, but

you don’t make it number five, you make it number two, OK?

And this lamb curry is supposed to be chicken curry—Because I

am telling you, that’s why. Because I am the boss right now OK,

Listen you give me any trouble no, I will have Mr. Hakim fire

you!!!—Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Come on, Come on Abdul (He puts

up his fists.) I will take you right now! I will kick your butt so hard

that you will be making lamb curry for the tigers in India! Oh,

yeah? Come on, Big Guy, come on, Big Guy, come on, Big Guy,

come on—

(Suddenly Azgi is faced with Abdul who grabs him by the collar.)

AZGI:—BIG GUY! I am joking, man. I am just kidding around, why

you take me so seriously?—please don’t kill me. (Turning.) Every

night I have the same dream. I am a giant tandoori chicken wearing an Armani suit. I am sitting behind the wheel of a speeding

Cadillac. I have no eyes to see, no mouth to speak and I don’t

know where I am going. Mr. Hakim, he come up to me, he say,

“Azgi, Azgi, Azgi, you have to calm down, man, he say to me, he

say “Success, Azgi, is like a mountain. From far away it is inspiring, but when you get close, you realize that it is simply made of

earth and dirt and rocks, piled one on top of the other until it

touches the sky.” Mr. Hakim, he is a smart man, but I wonder to

myself when God was building the mountain and piling the rock,

one on top of the other, was he working or playing? (He begins

96

to ponder this thought, and then suddenly he smiles and goes

over to the first table.) Hello, my name is Azgi…I am working…and playing. (He goes over to the second table.) Hello my

name is Azgi, I am working and playing…how are you ? (He goes

over and looks in the direction of Abdul, and blows him a big

kiss.) ABDUL…I love you man!!!!

(Phone rings, Azgi turns and looks at the audience.)

AZGI:Phone! (He picks up the phone.) Hello, Sakina’s Restaurant

Azgi speaking, how may I—Oh Oh Mr. Hakim? No No He is right

here, I will get him—

97

Sakina’s Restaur

//

We decided to watch a called no way home because we kept seeing its ads on youtube. We knew the trailer so well that we could say it word for word. Mark's favorite line was when the lead actor talks about his girlfriend in the movie. Mark would repeat it all the time,

So, we went to the movie theater, hoping to see that scene . But to our disappointment, the lead actor didn't say that line at all. In fact, the whole scene we were waiting for wasn't even in the movie! We left feeling upset

As we left,. We realized we could just go watch another movie without paying again. We felt a little bad, but we had spent a lot on snacks, so we didn't feel too guilty. Plus, we felt like we deserved to watch another movie since no way home let us down.

We ended up watching a movie instead. It was good, and since we hadn't seen any ads for it, we weren't disappointed.

//

i needed a car , i could rely on public transport

and all i had was 2000$ so i bought a ford car

so after few rides , it started giving problems

the transmission broke..the power steering didnt work

i couldnt find parking on campus..

Is your minivan all fixed?" Larry inquired.

"Yeah, but it cost us a pretty penny," Mark sighed.

"How much did they charge you?" Larry's eyes widened.

"$2500," Mark responded.

"$2500? You've gotta be kidding me! $2500 for a new transmission?" Larry exclaimed.

"A new what?" Mark looked puzzled, glancing at me in the backseat.

"A transmission. An automatic one. That's what you had replaced, right?" Larry clarified.

"Oh, right, yeah, a new transmission," I confirmed.

"Well, it sounds like they're pulling a fast one on you," Larry said as he dialed a number on his phone.

He called someone named Rocko, then his buddy Kurt, both of whom echoed his sentiment that we were getting ripped off. Mark nervously suggested haggling, but I pointed out that we already agreed to the price.

As we pulled into the garage, Larry insisted we stand our ground. "You tell 'em you ain't gonna be taken for a ride," he advised.

larry gets out of the car an goes in and talks to car dealer.

After a few minutes, Larry returned with a grin. "Saved you a few bucks, boys," he announced proudly.

 When we settled up, the bill had mysteriously been reduced by $500.

I still don't know what Larry said or did in that office, but his advice and charm saved us some serious cash. Now, we just hoped the new transmission would hold up.

///

There are few things that bring my father as much joy as clearance sales.

It's not so much the food that my dad loves at Denny's—he only knows three flavors anyway: salt, butter, and A-1 Steak Sauce. No, what he adores is the simplicity, the straightforwardness of the entire Denny's experience, especially the menu.

“You don’t even have to read anything,” he’d say. “You look at the pictures of the food, you pick what you want, and you point.” And that’s precisely what he does. We'd settle at a table in Denny's, he'd crack open the menu to a Moons Over My Hammy or whatever caught his fancy, and he'd point. “I want that.” Not a word more, not a word less. It's the perfect restaurant routine.

we bought couch

So, off we went, driving at a snail's pace—twenty miles per hour in a forty-five-mile-per-hour zone. The officer followed my dad quietly for a few miles before my father suddenly pulled over, even though the officer hadn't signaled with lights or sirens. I followed suit.

After the officer wrote us both tickets for having unsafe loads, he warned us not to drive with the furniture again or risk getting more tickets. Stuck on the side of the road, my dad asked if I knew anyone with a truck. That was like asking if I knew anyone at all.

///

You ever have those gym ,PE classes that make you question why you even bother showing up? . Coach McAndrew, bless her heart, she had all the enthusiasm of a cheerleader at a spelling bee.

 Coach blowing her whistle like it's her only source of oxygen. "Forward rolls, backward somersaults, cartwheels, repeat!" she says, as if we're all Olympic gymnasts in the making.

 How am I supposed to learn by watching them? It’s like telling someone to learn how to swim by watching a fish.

I muster up the courage to approach Coach. "Excuse me, I don’t know how to do any of those things. Can I please go to the library?" I ask, hoping she'd see reason. But nope, she hits me with the classic "No pain, no gain" line, like she's trying to motivate a sack of potatoes.

So, there I am, at the back of the line, watching these kids effortlessly roll, somersault, and cartwheel like it's second nature.

Finally, it's my turn. I kneel down, put the top of my head on the mat, and just pray for a miracle. But all I manage to do is roll sideways off the mat—splat—onto the wooden gym floor.

 All pain, no gain, and a side of humiliation. Can't wait for next week's adventure in awkwardness.

This is America? I’m fucking in! Big Pimpin’ was the epitome of the American dream and I needed to be part of it. I wanted to be like these larger-than-life American superheroes they called rappers. I wanted to be a pimp like Jay-Z and a gangster like 50 Cent. I made it my life’s goal to live the Big Pimpin’ lifestyle. Whenever I watched BET, I forgot I was a small foreign Chinese boy and I felt like a badass gangsta. I started imitating how the rappers walked and how they talked. I would go up to my classmates and say, “Yo what up, dog. Our geometry teacher is a bitch, homie.” I felt like my identity was being judged based on the other Asians around me instead of my own personality, my inside voice screamed, I listen to Jay-Z, motherfuckers! In high school,

thong thong thong thong thong!” This was one of the first songs I heard on American radio. It was catchy as hell, but I had no idea what a thong was. Then when I saw the music video, everything made sense.

I couldn’t rap for shit, but I wanted so badly to be part of the glamorous rap game that I’d seen on Rap City. Chris downloaded a bootleg copy of Sony’s ACID Music Studio, a beat-making software, and he started cranking out some sick beats. Then Jeremy, Phil and I would go to Chris’s mom’s apartment and record our raps on his five-dollar computer microphone. Next thing you know, we’d formed a rap group just like N.W.A. Chris’s mom’s apartment and his Dell desktop became our recording studio. We felt like the real deal and we called ourselves Syndakit. The first time I recorded at Chris’s house, he played me a beat he had just made. It sounded like a real track I’d heard on Rap City. I pulled out my notebook and I was ready to write my first rhymes, but I

I never got a record deal, but I experienced creative freedom for the first time

//

offer to buy one and get the other for half price , my father was first in line.

his ability to consume knew no bounds.his favorite was chocolate pean with extra sprinkles

when i orderd plan old chocolate icecream , he took it as an insult

they have thirty two flavors andu order chocaloate

u can get chocolate anywhere , why did we come to america

we didnt sacrifice everything come to here so u could be satisfied with plain old chocolate ice cream

i just want medium soda

get the large

u get extra large for thirty nine cents more

America was Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and he was a ten-year-old who had won a golden ticket.

Let me tell you what is really embarrassing,” he continued. “Having only one pair of shoes, that’s embarrassing. Having to study for your exams under a street lamp because you don’t have your own room, that’s embarrassing. Hanging off the side of a train on your way to work because it’s so crowded and you can’t afford a seat, that’s embarrassing.”

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“When will you become an American?” he continued. “Okay, pour the extra thirty-nine cents-worth into a cup and I will drink it later.”

///

I saw a job posting in the college newspaper for telemarketer and decided to interview for it. The college building was squeezed between a sandwich place and a bookstore. The guy interviewing me looked a bit like Paul Giamatti from "Billions," but there were definitely no billions to be made here.

During the interview, he asked simple questions like who had used a computer before and who knew how to use a phone, how to type basic english. I got hired and was given a script to follow.

I got hired and was given a script to follow. My job was to keep people/alumni on the line and chat about how great the university was still doing.

I was supposed to ask alumni like Milli for a hundred bucks to support the college.

but milli response was "Oh, I'm sorry, hun. I'm barely scraping by on a fixed income. I'd love to help, really, but a hundred dollars? not happening."

So, I lowered the amount to fifty dollars, but still got a no. Then I tried twenty dollars, and she agreed to make the donation.

After working for an hour, a bell rang for a break. The boss, stood on a chair and called out how much money everyone had brought in. He gave cookies to the top three earners.

Overall, it was an interesting experience, but I only worked there for a few weeks before my semester started, and I quit the telemarketing job.

//

“BE CAREFUL!” my roommate WILLIAM TOLD ME . “I am being careful!” I said, grabbing the dvd from him and totally not being careful.It wasn't contraband or illicit substances..it was dance dvd.. I was staring at it in awe, my heart pounding like crazy.

cuoristy got the better of me and I put the dvd in my vcr. And What unfolded on the screen was unlike anything I’d ever saw.

and what captivated me even more was drummer in the corner setting the rhythm and this guy was dancing to the beat in rhythm…it was beautiful…

soon i was playing drums…

//

 coach andrew, transmission,affleck movie,

, clearance sales-denny's,

//

I needed a job. Scanning through the student paper, I found an opening in the computer lab. It seemed perfect, except for the minor detail that I knew next to nothing about computers. All I knew was that if something goes wrong, you should reboot the computer. Sure, I could switch a computer on, but i knew nothing about coding, programming, troubleshooting.

I interviewed with this quiet guy who wore glasses, named Dominick. He wore a buttoned-up shirt, light brown khakis, and Nike running sneakers. "Hi, Kunal, nice to meet you,” he said, in a soft, high-pitched voice. “I am looking for some people to be computer lab managers. What are your skills?”

“Troubleshooting, programming, Excel, PowerPoint,” I said.

“Can you give me more details?”

"Sure, I've read courses online, fixed bugs on my computer, and developed applications."

"I like you. I’m going to hire you,” he said as we shook hands. Bingo! “Given your advanced skill set, I’m going to give you a very special project.”

He turned to the computer and opened up a software program I had never seen. “The school is trying to integrate this new voice recognition software. I want you to figure it out, dissect it, and write an entire instruction manual based on what you’ve learned.”

So three days a week, four hours each shift, my job was to sit at the computer and try to figure out voice recognition software. The first day I took the job very seriously. I spoke into the microphone and compared what I said to the words that appeared on the screen: “The cat drank the cow’s milk,” I said. On-screen: "You drank the milk." I said it slowly again… "You drank the milk" again… I basically gave up on the project after a few days, and each shift I would spend fifteen minutes on voice recognition, and then would spend the rest of my time chatting.

The week passed, the instruction manual was due and it was time to face the music. I decided to write something… click the L button… etc.

“I just got an email from the university. I have some troubling news.” Shit. My scholarships. Dominick took off his glasses. “The school has decided to put a stop to the software. The license has expired.”

I said, “Whatever’s best for the university."

“Because of your hard work and commitment to this project, I’m going to promote you to lab manager of the engineering building.” He gave me a raise, bumping me up to nine dollars an hour, which was damn good money at the time. I was a good lab manager.

/////

After finishing college, I got a job as a waiter in a restaurant. But I also had to wash dishes.

Sadly, I wasn't very good at it. I was slow.

The restaurant needed clean dishes to keep running. So, even though I was slow, I had to keep going.

The owner would tell me to just keep washing.

He often came over to me at the sink, shaking his head and yelling.

He'd say, "Wash the pots first! Why are you washing the plates? We have lots of plates!"

When he got really frustrated, he'd grab the spray nozzle from me and

quickly clean a bunch of pots in just a few minutes.

I got a job as used car salesman.

Apparently, you need zero qualifications to become a used-car salesman."

The car lot manager, Larry, was a sixty-year-old car salesman and a alcoholic. I wouldnt see him for days and then he would come and sell ten Dodge Neons in a week.

I looked up to him as a top-notch car pusher.

I learnt car sales from Larry and soon i became good that i could afford HomeTown Buffet once a week.

and i know one day, if i worked hard and I'd be able to afford Red Lobster.

//

It's been three days since I lost the pool key, and now my mom is mad at me. It feels like she has a superpower that keeps her angry without a break whenever I mess up, which is why I try my best to never do anything wrong.

It's like there's a flashing neon sign on my forehead: "HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING KID WHO LOST THE POOL KEY. $50 DOWN THE DRAIN!"

I try to explain to her that Cindy and I put up twenty flyers all over, and I understand that fifty dollars is equivalent to three hundred and fifty tomans in Iran, which is a lot of money to flush down the toilet. That's what it'll feel like if we have to pay the landlady.

"Why don't you check the clothes dryer and all your pockets?" my dad suggests, im filled with hope. I search through all my clothes, inspecting the washer and dryer, even go through the vacuum cleaner bag. I c heck between the sofa cushions and manage to find twelve cents.

But still, no pool key. The following day, my dad suggests praying to Saint Anthony, claiming it always works. "Saint Anthony, you mean?" I ask.

My mom , suggests we ask Saint Anthony to come over and look for the key instead. "He's a saint, so he's been dead for a long time," I tell her. "If you think a dead man is going to help you find the key, good luck," she retorts.

but I decide to pray, and, my prayers are answered when a neighbor finds the key gives it to the apartment office.

//

communication is the key. That's the key to a relationship. That's how you build intimacy, through communication. It's very important to talk and listen to your partner so you can both grow as a unit.

but It's just talking and talking and talking. And I was listening to every word 'cause I thought, you know, there was a point. But there's no point. I should've hired an AI for her to talk to. 'Cause there were so many things I just didn't care about. "Should I move this couch or get a new one? I don't know what to do with this room. What do you think?"

It was a psychotic, babbling conveyor belt of nonsense. "I went to get my nails done, but they didn't have the polish I want.

One of the differences was, I learned this from her, raised to ask questions. You have to ask questions like, "Why? How come? How much? That much? Why should I spend that much?" And, , we don't want to ask questions 'cause we don't want any information. "Look, I didn't see nothin', I don't know nothin'.

" So the questions started driving me crazy. It was like falling asleep with a Spanish radio station on.

Why do you think we possess some mysterious knowledge we're keeping from you? We go to see a movie, she's like, "Now, who's that guy?" "Did I write this thing? I came in with you. How the hell do I know who that guy is? What do you want me to do, show up early?

So she leaves, right? It's all over.

I'm sitting in my room for two weeks straight. my roommate says

They don't want you to talk to them. They don't want you to listen to them. They want you to agree with them. And if you don't agree with them, they just keep talking and talking and talking until you do. and then they will say I'm glad we talked about it.'"

//

When I was a kid, I had this bright yellow Yamaha YZ80 dirt bike. It was super fast, and I loved riding it around. But my mom hated it.

"Josep, you ride that thing, and I swear to God you’re going to die!" she'd yell at me. And I'd be like, "Mom, it's fine. I'm totally safe." But she wasn't having it.

"What, do you want to die? Is that it? Ha?" she'd say. And I'd respond, "No, Mom, I don't want to die." But then she'd hit me with, "Or maybe you want to kill me from worrying. Yes, that’s it—you want to kill me." And I'd just stand there like, "No, Mom, I don’t want to kill you."

But she wasn't done. "No, no, maybe it’s better if I die anyway. I go to heaven, at least I don’t have to worry anymore. Go ahead, keep riding the motorcycle." And I'd be like, "Fine. Fine! I won’t ride the motorcycle anymore!" But let's be real, I kept riding that motorcycle.

One time, a cop caught me riding the bike without headlights. He was really mad and told me to leave the bike and get in his car. I thought I was in big trouble, preparing myself for the worst—prison, electric chair, death by firing squad—whatever it was. I'm practically begging to go to jail at this point, but no dice.he took me home.

When we got to my house, my mom was freaking out because she thought I was missing. She was yelling at my sisters, too. The cop could hear everything, but he didn't seem to care. He walked me up to the door, and my mom answered, acting all polite.

But as soon as she saw me, she flipped out. She dragged me inside and slammed the door in the cop's face. That was the only time my mom ever hit me, but it wasn't physical. It was all the yelling and arguing that really hurt.

clearance sales-denny's

coach andrew

Most people who are obsessed by America are fascinated by the physical–the cars, the music, the movies, the clothes, the gadgets, the sport, the cities, the landscape and the landmarks. I am interested in all of those, of course I am, but I (perhaps because of my father’s decision) am interested in something more. I have always wanted to get right under the skin of American life. To know what it really is to be American, to have grown up and been schooled as an American; to work and play as an American; to romance, labour, succeed, fail, feud, fight, vote, shop,

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, I will offer this: the overwhelming majority of Americans I met on my journey were kind, courteous, honourable and hospitable beyond expectation. Such striking levels of warmth, politeness and consideration were encountered not just in those I was meeting for on-camera interview, they were to be found in the ordinary Americans I met in the filling-stations, restaurants, hotels and shops too. If I were to run out of petrol in the middle of the night I would feel more confident about knocking on the door of an American home than one in any other country I know–including my own. The friendly welcome, the generosity, the helpfulness of Americans

 I don’t know where he learns how to hail strangers, but whenever my father needs directions—which is frequently—he flags down men and women alike with the same greeting: “Hey, bud!” I grow up thinking of all Americans as Bud—and even though my father’s name is Ghassan Saleh Abu-Jaber, he becomes the original Bud. I learn early: We are Arab at home and American in the streets. The streets are where Bud speaks English in a loud voice, swaggers, wears hard-soled shoes.

Bud is a great talker in our family of mostly listeners. He soliloquizes on the history of the Arab-Israeli conflict, beginning with the Bible; delivers a dissertation on free will versus destiny; and offers several exhortations addressing the nature of animals, the difference between men and women, and the meaning of the universe. He tells endless jokes and instructional stories starring his favorite classic Arab character—Jeha the joker.

This time, Bud tells us, it’s different. The place he plans to buy is perfect, perfect, perfect (excellent location, good foot traffic, high visibility, loyal clientele). A can’t-miss. The owner is selling his treasured restaurant at a clearance price because he and his wife—the head chef—are getting a divorce. Bud is ecstatic as he describes his family utopia: “I will be in back, creating! You and your sisters will be out front, taking the orders and making the customers happy and laughing.” He sits back and studies the ceiling. “It’s going to be running together like this—”

According to Bud, this golden place, no mere restaurant, will be a Shangri-la that finally heals the old wound between East and West. All languages will be spoken here, all religions honored. And the food will be pure and true as the first food, the kind that weighed down golden boughs and shone in the wind. A business of one’s own—at last! “You see this bamia?” he says to us, holding up a chunk of okra stewed in tomato on his fork. “Americans are nervous with bamia because they fear the slime. You know how to take away the slime?” My sisters and I shake our heads. “You have to boil it good first and then you fry it! And sometimes you reverse it. How many people you think know about that?” We marvel. Not many. Hardly anybody. “When we get our restaurant,” he says, and eats his bite of okra, “it will be full of secrets like this.”

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There are weeks and then months of debates, schemes, and outlines. The phone rings at all hours. You never know when you’ll lift the receiver to the hiss of the overseas connection. Incredibly, Bud’s relatives seem to be convinced by his business plan this time. Several have even promised to buy shares in the place. Who could fail to be moved by Bud’s exultant rhapsodizing? His voice bounces; he seems to give off a hum. After much negotiation with lawyers, real estate agents, and the gloomy owner, whose disconcerting gaze lingers on Bud long after conversation has ceased, they work out the last details and agree on a signing date. To celebrate on the night before he is due to go in and sign the lease, Bud prepares a grand dinner starring a golden chicken msukhan. This is the traditional Palestinian dish, which owes its ravishing succulence to a few simple ingredients—chicken, onions, and so much olive oil that the chicken is nearly poached in it, turning its flesh soft and amber as a silk purse. “Do you see this chicken, girls?” he asks as we break off tender bites with our forks. “Do you know what it’s saying to us?” No, what, Dad? “It’s saying, ‘I am more delicious than anything. People will come from everywhere to taste me. I am the queen of all!’ ” He sighs and gazes fondly at the queen. //

Let nothing but nothing stop you,” my grandmother said. After retirement, she trekked around the world on her own, took a prop plane to the high end of Alaska; crisscrossed Eastern Europe; sailed the Panama Canal. //

Rental car counters were one of the few places where his name still had meaning. Inside of them he felt special. He never had to wait in line. “As you know, Mr. Schafer, your membership tier allows you for a free upgrade.” “I’ll pass.” “Are you sure? With your rewards points, we could put you in a Mustang at no additional charge.” “I’ll take whatever does best on gas.” “Of course, sir. My pleasure.” He had no palate for cars. A tool to be used, a conveyance; their design was of no interest to him. He never understood the appeal.

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For a period after they arrived in this country, Laura García tried to invent something. Her ideas always came after the sightseeing visits she took with her daughters to department stores to see the wonders of this new country.

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she would talk it over with her husband. On the drive home, try as they might, her daughters could not engage their mother in conversation, for inspired by what she had just seen, Laura had begun inventing. She never put anything actual on paper until she had settled her house down at night.

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I wanted them back. I wanted them back. Mamita intervened, and the sticks were put back into the hollow of the drum, and another promise extracted from me that I would not play the drum inside the house but only out in the yard. My grandmother pulled me towards her. She had once been, so Mami said, the most beautiful woman in the country. We called her Mamita, “little

WHEN I WAS TEN, we emigrated to New York. How astonishing, a country where everyone spoke English! These people must be smarter, I thought. Maids, waiters, taxi drivers, doormen, bums on the street, garbagemen, all spoke this difficult language. It took some time before I understood that Americans were not necessarily a smarter, superior race. It was as natural for them to learn their mother tongue as it was for a little Dominican baby to learn Spanish. It came with mother’s milk, my mother explained, and for a while I thought a mother tongue was a mother tongue because you got it from your mother’s breast, along with nutrients and vitamins. //

Things were making me extremely agitated, and that can be very bad for a performer. I decided to go outside and go through my preshow ritual. Since I started stand-up, I have used the following pre-show ritual as a way of controlling my nerves and centering myself. First I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Then I create a picture in my mind. It is always the same picture. I am lying in a glade near a brook while a gentle breeze licks my face and makes me smile. Birds fill the sky with song as I lounge beside the brook with my golden Lab and watch the fish as they jump out of the water and back in again. I walk leisurely to the water and take a long, deep drink of it, and it is always clean and cold and slakes my thirst. Then I lie down again on the grass and let my golden Lab lick my face, and then I wrestle with him and laugh. Then I open my eyes. This part of the ritual takes about fifteen minutes. It never fails to clear my mind, as an eraser clears a busy chalkboard.

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It’s going to be a better day,” I mutter as I pour my coffee into my to-go cup, leaving just enough room for creamer. Hattie believes if you add the creamer first, you don’t have to stir the coffee because it stirs itself. She’s a liar. I know this because I tried it once and nearly grew hair on my chest from the gulp of black coffee I drank. Never again. I pour creamer into the cup and then give it a good stirYellow highlight | Location: 253

Like most immigrants, my father had left his native country with high expectations of what life in El Otro Lado would be like. Once reality set in, and he realized that dollars weren’t as easy to make as the stories people told made it seem, he had been faced with two choices:Yellow highlight | Location: 2,906

In those days newspapers did straightforward reporting, i.e. a football match was reported on

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had high hopes. I was ready for the theater director to tell me that I was the most talented child actor she’d ever seen and that I’d be replacing the Cuban girl as the lead in every single production or working alongside her. After the auditions, she walked up to me and told me the good news: that I could be in the theater program! “…as a lighting tech,” she added. Oh. I was disappointed, but I figured just being in the program I could find a way to showcase my skills. I had plenty of time for my big moment to happen, so I went home and told my mom the good news. “Mommy, I got into the theater program.” “Good job! Are you going to be in the next play?” “No, ma’am. I’m doing the lights.” “What do you mean you’re doing the lights? That is not acting.” “I’m gonna learn about the lights and the sound.”

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“You are not doing no lights! You are a performer. You go back and tell that woman no. This is some racist bullshit.” “But, Mommy…” “My daughter is not doing no lights.” At school the next day I told the theater teacher I would NOT be doing the lights. “Why not?” she asked. “My mom said so.” “Why?” “She said, ‘My daughter’s not doing no lights.’” So instead of hitting light switches, I switched lanes and that’s when I joined the chorus. My mom taught me an important lesson that day: Don’t let racist magnet school theater directors crush your dreams. Go sing instead. I also learned how to play some instruments, so if you need someone to play “Hot Cross Buns” or “When the Saints Go Marching In” on the recorder, I’m your girl. I am sure casting directors all over the country have been searching for a

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My mom supported me when I was in Starmites, she cheered me when I lost my voice and got it back again, and she never, ever suggested I stop messing around with theater and focus on something more practical. There were a few times she didn’t back my dreams, though. Back in freshman year of high school I’d asked her if I could be in the color guard, spinning flags and doing dance routines out on the field. I figured it would be fun. I figured she’d support me. “Mommy, I want to do color guard.” “The what? No.” “Why not?” “You’re an actor, you don’t have time to be twirling flags.” So that was the end of the discussion. Jump to 2013. Me and my mom are in the front of her house. My brother is raking the yard and my mom and I are sitting in her car, and for some reason, I got curious about her banning me from the color guard back in high school. “Mommy, how come you didn’t let me do color guard? Was it because of the football players?” She looked over at me and narrowed her eyes. “Football players? Girl. I was supposed to spend my gas money driving you around so you could twirl a flag? There’s no future in that! You can’t get a job twirling a flag!” “What?” “What kind of job were you gonna get from twirling a damn flag? Huh? Were you gonna go from office building to office building raising their flag every morning? That’s not a salary position.”

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She went on a fifteen-minute rant about the color guard, I swear to God. It may have even been twenty minutes. She was still livid. “What I look like wasting my gas for you to twirl a damn flag?” She did hate wasting gas. Color guard wasn’t my life dream, and I wasn’t devastated that she wouldn’t let me do it, but still. Some parents might say the same things about acting: there’s no future in it and it’s a waste of gas money. Not my mom. She saw a future in acting for me! Or I thought so. A few years after college, when I was working odd jobs and doing some local theater, my mom decided to lay this one on me, out of nowhere: “Dulcé, maybe you should have double-majored in business��.”

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Eventually I went through that rite of passage that every young actor goes through: getting scammed by an “agent.” I had to pay one hundred dollars to sign with this guy who told me he could get me big roles and make all my dreams come true, or whatever bullshit he fed me that I believed. I was new at this, and I couldn’t yet see that the man was a con artist. As soon as I swiped my credit card, though, I was like…wait a minute! What is happening here?! It was too late by then. He had my money, and I had a thief for an agent. It was some bullshit. I got conned! Once my mind cleared, I called and had the charges reversed.

At the body shop there was a Vietnamese mechanic named Tu who escaped during the war. He had a thick accent, but I never had a problem understanding him, maybe because I always grew up around immigrants and because he was speaking English. Tu would always say there was more damage to a car because when he started taking the car apart, there would usually be additional damage that couldn’t be seen by the insurance agent when they wrote the estimate. Catherine would tell him to work off the original

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estimate from the insurance company, but Tu would have to explain why he needed the supplemental estimate, and I would end up translating his English to a forty-year-old white woman, and then I’d have to translate her English back to him. “Bumper no good. Need to be replace,” Tu would say. “What did he say?” Catherine would ask. “Seriously, Catherine? He said the car needs a new bumper.” It would go back and forth like that until their discussion ended. I was back at the shop later that day to check in parts, and Tu looked upset. “Why she act like my English not good? You understand me. Why she not listen?” he said. “Your English is good. She doesn’t want to listen to you, Tu. That’s the problem.”

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Now before we go hating Catherine, remember when I said I had to translate her English to him? Well, the next day Tu comes back into the office. “Estimate no good. Too much damage. Tell him come back. Need more time.” Catherine looks at me, confused. “He said the insurance agent needs to come back and do a supplemental estimate. There is too much additional damage on the car. And he needs more time to fix it.” Tu nods his head. “Well, Tu, the insurance companies really want us to work off the initial estimate. To try to keep the cost of the repair down.” Tu furrows his brow and looks at me. “…

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“The headlight assembly, grille, and front quarter panel are all damaged and need to be replaced. He needs more time,” I sigh. “Hmm. Let me see the estimate.” Tu hands her the paperwork and she looks through it. “Okay, we will reach out to the insurance company about writing the supplement and let you know when he is on the way. Tell him.” She hands the estimate back. Again they both look at me. “We call insurance company. Tell them you need more time. I tell you when he coming back.” In unison they say, “Okay. Thank you,” and Tu goes back into the shop. Catherine turns to me and says, “Thank you so much. I can never understand what he’s saying.” “What do you mean?!” I exclaim. “He is speaking English!” “Well, as long as you can understand him.” Every time this happened I would sit there, wondering what the fuck just happened. I got up and went back into the shop because I thought my brain was going to explode, and I was truly worried I was being racist, when Tu walked up to me and said, “Thank you. I never understand what she say. Her English too complicated. I always understand what you say. You always help me.” “I’m glad to help and, yes, her English is too complicated.” “She say all those words for no reason, dah, dah,…

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People talk crazy at all kinds of jobs—corporate jobs, retail jobs, auto body jobs, white collar jobs. And yes, even glamorous comedy TV jobs. This list will run down some of my all-time favorites. • “I didn’t sit in traffic for this shit.” One of my favorites. I just love hearing people say this. You have to be ornery as hell. • “Let’s put a pin in it!” I mean what does this even mean? • “Let’s table this for another time.” What table? This is an office, not an Applebee’s. • “Why don’t Yellow highlight | Location: 1,026

even once. Bitch, what? And yes, yes I am. • “We need to increase productivity.” Then y’all need to pay more. I am giving ten-dollars-an-hour worth of effort and giving a fuck. • “I want to download the situation with you.” I am not a laptop! Do not download anything on me, with me, or anywhere near me. • “

It was 2012, and I had one of my first headlining shows. It was at a bar in Augusta, Georgia, and I was doing thirty minutes, which, to be only three years in, meant it was not going to be the strongest thirty-minute set in the history of comedy, since I had very little experience. I got a ride to the show from some baby comics who were also performing, and they picked me up in a late 1990s Jeep Wrangler that had seen much better days. Why I let these two stoned white boys drive me two hours across the state is beyond me, but I had a show to get to.. Anyway, as I drove and they tumbled around in the back, I looked at the gas gauge and saw that we were almost on empty. “Hey.” They didn’t hear me because they were too busy singing Justin Bieber songs. I turned the radio down, but they kept on singing. “HEY!” “Huh?” “We’re almost out of gas.” “Oh, no, the gas gauge is messed up. You’re fine.” Okay, cool. I asked because I saw a gas station at the next exit and was going to stop and get gas.

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I should have listened to my instincts, my gut, my first mind—whatever you want to call it—because as soon as I drove past the off-ramp and under the overpass, the car started sputtering and ran out of gas. I pulled over on the side of the freeway. One of the idiots in the back asked, “Whoa, what happened?” “We ran out of gas,” I said, trying to keep my composure. “Oh, that’s weird. I drive around all the time on E and usually it’s fine.” “Well, not today. Do you have a gas can in the back?” “Huh?” I took that as a no. I had to pee, but I was not going to do it in front of these fools, so I walked up the on-ramp, to the gas station I should have stopped at, peed, bought a gas can, and bought gas, in that order. I walked back with that can, cursing my passengers, and berating myself in my head. Why did they think it was okay to pick me up high and drunk and then drive two hours through country-ass Georgia? Why didn’t I trust my instincts and go to the gas station? I got back to the car and I popped open the tank to fill it up so we wouldn’t miss the show. Did I mention that they were both under twenty-one? There was a door-like flap on the gas tank that wouldn’t open with the nozzle on the gas can. So I found a pen in the car and used it to push the flap back, but I couldn’t fit the pen and the nozzle through the flap at the same time. I needed a funnel. As if I needed any more trouble, a Georgia Highway Patrol car rolls up and parks behind us. ///

/

Neighbors, we have found, take on an importance in the country that they don’t begin to have in cities. You can live for years in an apartment in London or New York and barely speak to the people who live six inches away from you on the other side of a wall. In the country, separated from the next house though you may be by hundreds of yards, your neighbors are part of your life, and you are part of theirs. If you happen to be foreign and therefore slightly exotic, you are inspected with more than usual interest. And if, in addition, you inherit a long-standing and delicate agricultural arrangement, you are quickly made aware that your attitudes and decisions have a direct effect on another family’s well-being. We had been introduced to our new neighbors by the couple from whom we bought the house, over a five-hour dinner marked by a tremendous goodwill on all sides and an almost total lack of comprehension on our part. The language spoken was French, but it was not the French we had studied in textbooks and heard on cassettes; it was a rich, soupy patois, emanating from somewhere at the back of the throat and passing through a scrambling process in the nasal passages before coming out as speech.