#i dont need to tell you that the fact i finished/posted first date mistakes was in fact our first date doesnt correlate I SWEAR

[knbposting]

[gogiberries]

Hi so I’ve had this in my head for a few days now

It’s basically how i see the Nanami x Gojo relationship (but it’s more sad than anything else tbh)

⚠️ spoilers ahead for those who haven’t read the manga!

Please enjoy this disgustingly long thread <3

- okay so the way they started was out of convenience/ desperation

- Geto left the school and abandoned Gojo

- Nanami lost Haibara

- So the two ended up just trying to find some sense of comfort and understanding in each other

- Gojo was the one to start it though

- I see Nanami as the type to just suffer silently with his pain and loss, so Gojo had to have made the first move

- They were still students and now they had to pair up for training more often

- Gojo did consider Shoko before Nanami, but he knew that she wouldn’t give him any chance because she saw the start and finish of him and Geto

- Gojo also didn’t want to go to some stranger because he couldn’t lay it all out to someone who didn’t understand sorcery and explain the heavy chip Geto left on his shoulder

- So Nanami, the guy who also just lost someone & who is up to date with the Geto stuff is a perfect candidate for Gojo

- Gojo starts teasu Nanami about how he needs to get stronger during sparring

(this just pushes the “have get stronger for Haibara/ not end up like him” notion in Nanami’s head)

- And one day Gojo just switches to heavy flirting

- Nanami is like ‘???’ but he chalks it up to Gojo just being his weird self

- But the flirting continues

- And Gojo being Gojo, he just keeps getting more direct until one day he just flat out asks if Kento has thought about fucking him

- Despite the constant flirting and suggestive stuff Gojo has been doing, Nanami is completely thrown off

- “What the fuck are you saying” is probably what he’d say, a slight blush forming on his face

- “Cmon dont lie, you’re saying it hasn’t crossed your mind once or twice when we spar?” Gojo would tease

- And Nanami would immediately deny it

- And Gojo would push it even further and say

“oh? That’s too bad, cause I sure have thought about fucking you“

- Now Nanami is blushing hard, face feeling too hot

- “Quit saying nonsense and stop lying” Nanami is too strong willed to give into/ believe in Gojo’s offer

- “I’m not~ do you want me to prove I’m not?” Gojo is also too strong headed and now refuses to back down from this thing he started

- Nanami says no, but they can both hear the hesitation in his voice

- Gojo takes this sliver of a chance to kiss the blonde

- Nanami goes to pull him off, but he doesn’t.

- Why? He’s not sure either, maybe it’s because he’s still a bit inexperienced with all of this, or maybe because he’s willing to accept this- whatever this is that Gojo is offering to help distract him from the pain he’s still trying to cope with from losing Haibara

- So he only backs up slightly to tell Gojo they should go somewhere more private

After that, their relationship, if you want to call it that for lack of a better term, begins

- Gojo definitely is the one who takes the most in this relationship

- At first, when he was trying to keep Nanami from regretting his actions and running away, Gojo was gentle and kind. Making sure Nanami felt understood and comfortable with their actions

- But once Gojo saw Nanami was staying, his caring attitude slowly faded

- He would stay to cuddle afterwards, but only until Nanami was asleep, leaving him to wake up by himself in the morning

[ maybe once in a while Gojo would leave a “Sorry I got called in for some mission” half assed excuse ]

- Not by force, but Gojo would make sure he’d get his needs met before Nanami did (definitely half assed in trying to meet Kento’s needs)

- Nanami isn’t stupid, he noticed the change in Gojo’s behavior early on, but being the masochist that he is, he put up with it because it still felt better than remembering Haibara and dealing with that

- Kento definitely noticed when Gojo was at his worst though. When Gojo was okay, he’d put up his usual goofy & cool dude front, and be selfish in bed, leaving the second they were done as if he was too “cool” and “strong” to show sad emotions.

- But when Gojo was really down and haunted with memories of Geto, he would stay the whole night.

- Gojo would be more gentle and slow with his actions, he wasn’t going out of his way to fully please Kento, but it was more like a sympathetic “c’mere let me do it for you” offer

- on those nights, after they were done, Gojo would lay there and hold-genuinely hold- Nanami.

- Nanami could see the accumulated exhaustion and pain in Gojo’s eyes on those days, and like Gojo, he wouldn’t go out of his way to help him. He might offer to be the bigger spoon or not question it when he stayed till morning, but Kento never would ask Gojo if he wanted to talk about it.

- Nanami would also allow himself to be selfish and enjoy the softer and more affectionate actions Gojo would do during these days

The sense of comfort and understanding they felt with one another was odd and definitely unhealthy, but it was better than being left alone with their own thoughts.

And it continued until Gojo was finally graduating and Nanami decided to share the news that he was going to start interning at some office

Gojo was taken back a bit by the announcement. Kento seemed like he would’ve just done the expected thing of graduating and going straight into sorcery work.

- “You really don’t like this sorcery stuff huh?” He’d probably ask him

- “It's all a bunch of shit” definitely a Nanami response

- Gojo was pretty indifferent in Kento’s post graduation plans, so he only gave him and understanding nod

During Nanami’s final year at the tech school, the two drifted apart without much trouble

- Maybe once in a while, when they were both overworked and stressed by their new schedules, they’d come back for one night to each another.

- It wasn’t much different than what they already had though

- Gojo would still only care about getting his first, and Nanami would use the time to space off and just distract himself from his reality

After Nanami graduated and started his salaryman career, their meetups stopped for a good while.

- Besides the fact that the two were now working even crazier schedules, Nanami was the one who wanted to full on quit.

- He was done with jujutsu tech & sorcery, and as he’s done with everything else in his life, he ran away from it

- He’d ignore Gojo’s out of the blue texts, or just give short and dry responses

- Gojo wasn’t really hurt about it, there weren’t any deep emotions formed below the surface of what he and Kento had.

- Though Gojo was very close to calling Nanami the day he dealt with Geto

But just how they were a few years ago as students, the two adults ended up back where they started, in an emotional void induced by stress and the years long accumulation of unattended issues that neither one of them knew how to handle.

- Nanami tried to quit, he really did. But going to company speed dating parties and or blind dates set up by coworkers was too much trouble for him. He was working way over 40hrs a week and had no time to develop a healthy relationship with someone.

- After some big deal falling through with his job, Nanami did what most adults who have little to no healthy coping skills would do. Get drunk and call his fuck buddy

- Gojo thought it was a mistake when Nanami sent him a text with only an address

- Gojo, also having almost no healthy coping skills, immediately called Nanami back to see what the text was about

- And oh.

- Nanami did send it on purpose

- Well. Who was Gojo to say no to a free night of being distracted with no strings attached?

Aaaaaand they were back, dancing the same dance they have been for years.

- Somewhere within those meetups, Gojo finally shared what happened to Geto.

- Nanami didn’t say much, he only said enough to convince Gojo that tonight wasn’t going to go as they usually do.

- Instead Nanami allowed Gojo to drink and let out any and all emotions he had about the incident.

- Gojo was embarrassed the next day thinking about what all he probably said. But he was grateful Nanami chose to be the responsible one and be next to him as he aired out his feelings

- Nanami never brought up that night’s conversation details to Gojo. He just let that night be what it was and moved on (the best thing for the both of them, more so for Gojo tbh)

Now present time, they still do their usual meetups, but maybe it’s the years of life slowly sanding them down because now, it feels more like a weird check up with one another than just a quick hookup

- It started with them just getting drinks for the night, nothing happened, they both just got drunk and passed out in Gojo’s Living room

- Then it slowly progressed from getting a quick bite to eat, to having planned dinners together

- Sometimes it leads to something, sometimes it doesn’t.

- Is it healthier than what they were doing at the beginning? Not really.

- They still don’t share their feelings that openly nor do they go out of their ways to comfort each other.

- But I guess just the mutual understanding from someone who has also lived through some fucked up stuff quietly sharing a drink or meal with you is somewhat comforting and helps you stay grounded.

End.

[bakugous-bbygirl]

~Social media boyfriend~

Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader

There needs to be more quarantine stories. Like come onnn we’re all stuck together anyway. That’s why I’m doing the public justice of giving us more fan fiction that’s current to the times. Please enjoy!

Warning: swearing. That’s it really.

Being stuck at home was really getting to everyone and it was pretty clear. From almost finishing your second year to having to do your third year at home. You didn’t even want to know how your hero course was gonna go. But now everyone is online all the time posting things they never would have if they got to go outside more.

You of course followed almost all your classmates on social media. Mostly twitter and Instagram, everything else was a little too much. You had your fair share of classmate followers so your posts were mostly pictures of everyone hanging out or weird selfies you took while half awake.

After reading one too many fanfics you opened Twitter to see a certain profile you liked scrolling through.

You have no clue why Bakugou had followed you one day but you figured it’s the poilte thing to follow back. After scrolling for an hour though you had pretty much summed up all of his account into a few words

Self centered music guy.

A lot of his tweets were just pictures of himself flexing in his mirror or screenshots of whatever his playlist consisted of with aggressive captions telling people to fuck off or listen to the song. Those pictures of his arms though. Ahh those hit differently.

You had a crush on the blonde since you started your first year however you didn’t think it shift into you calling him your online boyfriend and making constant tweets about him.

Nothing super obvious just the simple like “why can’t he love me back” or “when he learns I’m real it’s a wrap.” And on Instagram if it’s a cute photo of yourself your caption would consist of something like: “once my online boyfriend learns I’m desperate maybe we could cuddle” you know nothing weird or anything.

After scrolling through his twitter you found a old tweet that actually made you laugh. Like it was something actually funny. You figured kiri got ahold of his phone and posted it before Bakugou blew him up. It was a picture of Bakugou on his floor fixing his Grenade bracers with the tweet “he looks so cute all focused!”

You accidentally tapped the like button and didn’t even realize how weird that would’ve looked as you swiped out of the app. You went to your messages to text Mina since she always kept you busy durning these lonely days. “Hey crackhead you up yet? It’s almost 3 in the afternoon”

she replied pretty quick asking how you were and if you wanted her to FaceTime you. And who were you to turn down a chance to talk to your best friend?

After answering the call mina’s goofy pink face appeared on your screen while it looked like she was laying on her couch. “Hello!!” “Hey Mina.” You couldn’t help at smile how bubbly she is while talking to you. You figured her extroverted personality was put through the ringer being forced to stay at home. “Soooo how have you been? I see your keeping your social media pretty up to date with your creepy obsession with your online boyfriend?” You hold up your middle finger as you see her laugh “it’s not creepy. It’s the same as liking a famous person. You guys just don’t get to know who he is.” “Ooooo so he’s famous? That makes it totally normal.” You rubbed at your neck moving the phone from your face so she can’t see the Blush. “Well, kinda, not really, sorta..” you then noticed your phone vibrating that you got a new notification. “Oh hold up, I wanna check this.” “Oh no just ignore me as I try to find out who it is you love so much. I would really like to know someday” you waved her off with your hand going to your home screen, “you will one day. Hush up now.” You scrolled to the top of your screen to see your notifications and saw it was from twitter and it was someone wanted to message you, you played it off as Mina or one of your friends wanted to mess with you about a tweet you made early in the day or something. “What’s the point of messaging me when we’re on the phone?” You went back to the call to see Mina tilting her head like a bird “what do you mean? I didn’t message you?” “Oh, I figured it was you sending me something stupid on twitter. Lemme see who it is then.”

You opened twitter while half way listening to whatever story Mina felt like telling at that moment and noticed the message was actually Bakugou saying “what the fuck” “Oh it’s just Bakugou. Weird he normally doesn’t send me anything” you opened the message just as Mina said “maybe it’s him telling you what you tweeted was dumb or pointless? That’s normally what he does to me.” You laughed and saw he had sent a screenshot of a notification he got from you like a tweet from legit a year ago. You almost died. “Ahhhhhhh shit I gotta go minathanksforcallingbye!” And flat out hung up in her face. You couldn’t believe you were dumb enough to like the tweet. Why didn’t you notice? God you were stupid.

And what’s even worse you already opened the message and he could see you already read it so In a panick you just typed out some half ass reply acting as if you were confused “what? I didn’t do anything to you” you then texted Mina explaining how weird he probably thinks you are. “sooo Bakugou is mystery your online boyfriend and you got caught totally creepin?” You face turned red as you replied “I never said he was my crush!” “you posted on Instagram yesterday that sometimes you scroll through his account and read his old tweets. Get busted y/n.” You threw you phone away from you on the table and layed Your head into your pillows.

You were so caught. Almost all your tweets and posts from the last few months were you thirsting over this boy and showing how lonely you are durning this quarantine. You wouldn’t be so embarrassed if it was someone you were closer too, Like kirishima or denki. The fact Bakugou barely spoke with you durning your time in classes made it feel even weirder. How could you be so dumb to forget your one rule of being a simp. No liking old posts or tweets. Just saving the photo depending on what it is. That rule just got tossed out the window as you pushed your face tighter into the pillow. No way was he gotta think your cute or whatever after this.

The sound of your phone going off got your attention and you reached for it slightly hoping it was Mina with a way to get you out of this. However it was the dreaded online boyfriend messaging you again. “Don’t play dumber than you are dumbass. The fuck is with you liking my old tweets” You really didn’t have the best response so you came up with the best you could. “Mina had my phone. Sorry she was being weird.”

That was so dumb. You both knew good and well that no one was allowed to be around each other since this whole virus came out. Could this day get any worse? Yes. Yes it could shut up.

“Try again.” Was all he replied with but you could hear the smug in his voice. Like no way was he gonna not call you out for this. The only times he did speak to you was when he was being an ass and making fun of you. Or when he grabbed your hips and moved you out of his way. You always loved that because his hands trapped your figure so perfectly but decided it was better to keep that to yourself. You were fully ready to admit defeat. There were no more lies you could come up with on the spot. “alright look, I’m sorry if it’s weird. Honest mistake.” This was your last shot to keep your dignity after such a embarrassing day.

It actually took him a while to reply. You figured he was too busy to entertain your contuinus lies until you got a notification from Instagram saying Ground_Zer0 liked your post. You opened the app to see he liked the picture where your caption was you basically admitted you scrolled through his old tweets because he was your online boyfriend. Before your brain could kick you for posting that bold statement in the first place you got two more messages from him. He had screenshotted the picture and caption. “So gonna keep lying like I don’t follow your accounts” Yep. Mina was so right. You were busted. Nothing much was left to be said. You were caught simping on one of your classmates who was aiming to be the number one hero. Just great.

“You gonna reply or what dumbass” Here goes everything. No reason to keep your lies, nothing much to lose.

“Alright so yeah I’ve liked you for a while now, I don’t know what about you makes me like you so much but I always found you really cool. Your so passionate about wanting to do good it’s almost silly how mean you are to everyone. Your not all that ugly either so that helps or whatever.” You confidence found half way through texting him. Not like he could make fun of you to all your friends and school. He doesn’t seem like the guy. Right?

“Oh.” Oh. That’s all he has to say. What the shit. What type of reply is that! Here you are pouring your heart out and that’s all he says back! This was kinda worse than him laughing! You barely got a reaction at all! “So how long have you liked Me” you took a second to think of the least creepy answer, “I mean since the beginning of our second year, why?”

It wasn’t a whole lie. Like since you had liked him the beginning of last year too. Your heart was beating out of your chest. Your emotions were clearly a wreck. From anger to slight confusion and embarrassment. What if he used this against you for real? Like you could never live down how much you really thought about him and wanted to be around him. It was pretty clear since you layed eyes on him you really cared about him.

“Well, I’ve liked you longer so I guess it’s my job to ask your dumbass out”

“Wanna be my girlfriend you weird stalker?”

You legit couldn’t believe it. You rubbed at your eyes for a good five minutes. Was he being serious? Was it a joke? You couldn’t think straight your head was so fuzzy “OI DONT LEAVE ME ON READ DUMBASS!” “If this is a way to make fun of me it isn’t very funny Bakugou.”

It seriously wasn’t funny. You knew for a while he felt nothing back for you, he never liked any of your posts or made much of an effort to even talk to you when you guys did attend school. He was clearly better friends with Mina since she even got messages from him, even if they were insults you would’ve taken what you could get. No way were you setting yourself up any more to get laughed at.

At that moment you got a FaceTime call from a number you didn’t have saved. You had no clue who it was. Against your better judgement you answered figuring that telemarketers don’t make FaceTime calls. What you got was a grumpy looking Bakugou staring at his screen. You could feel his eyes staring through you. You wanted to throw your phone so far it wasn’t even a joke. “Bout time dumbass.” He was layed out on his bed with a black wife beater hanging loosely on his body. You could tell he hasn’t moved from the bed in a while since the sheets and blankets were slightly messed up. “Now tell me. You see anyone else in my fucking room?” You shook your head in a confused manner, what was that question for? “Okay then. So it’s clear this isn’t a fucking joke. I like your dumb ass. Now will you please be my real girlfriend?” You stared at his face for any sort of sign it was still a joke.

But all you got was Bakugou blushing. Wait blushing? Seriously. That’s screenshot worthy. “I..well..w-wait we can’t even see each other?” You heard him grunt as a smirk appeared on his lips “if that’s your way of saying yes ain’t no stupid virus keeping me from kissing you like I’ve wanted to forever now.” “N-no way! You’ll get in trouble! Or sick!” Your face filled with heat as his words flowed so confidently. Like he knew all this time this is everything he’s ever wanted to say to you. “Did you not hear me? No virus is keeping me from you or getting me sick. Just let me say your mine stupid! I won’t fucking ask again.” “Y-yeah! O-okay I’ll be your girlfriend!” Another smirk tugged at his lips. “Damn straight. Alright get ready I’ll be there soon.” After that he hung up.

“Wait what?! Don’t come! Hello? Ah shit.” You still couldn’t really believe that all this really happened. You just got a boyfriend. After accidentally liking his post. From a year ago. Wow. What luck! You opened Instagram to congratulate yourself by posting the screenshot you had snagged but saw that a certain someone had posted a screenshot of you looking all confused durning a FaceTime call.

The ass screenshotted you looking confused after he asked you if anyone else was in his room. You looked at the caption and it absolutely made you turn red

“Thanks for giving me her number pinky.”

P1nky commented “anytime! Get you some!”

You hate your friends. You do love them. But you seriously can’t stand them.

Thank you all for reading so much! Also thank you for the 100 followers! I appciate it a lot and it gives me more reason to keep writing!

[artreider]

Daughter is down for the night, let's see if internet will allow me to watch and live blog the next episode.

Travis is so hurt and that just hurts me. I'm glad we are getting his backstory with Michael.

Okay so if Michael died in 2016 and it was 2009 at the start of the episode, then they were together for at least six years. So travis has been a firefighter at least 11 years at this point in the series. So what station was he at, and how did he and Michael meet. Im just curious because theo calls his buddy michael probie and then doesnt say travis name. Travis tells him name and instead of calling probie as well making me believe he had been either a firefighter for a bit longer than Michael or he is from a different station, because surely if they were all at the same station he would call him by name or maybe travis is from a different shift at the station.

I love this episode but it still left me with questions.

Also so i didnt even make it five minutes in, thanks internet let's restart it.

Also are they all in the same academy class because it sounds like it.

I'm not okay with travic being not a dynamic duo at the start, i love their friendship.

Hey look the captain has returned lol, also this sushi conversation i have had with my coworker. Leftover sushibis just wrong, fight me on this. Im glad maya agrees. Also i agree with sulluvan its from the grocery store, i dont eat my sushi from anywhere but a restaurant thats gross, and making it day old is worse.

Of course travis agrees with the sushi talk, they are truly two peas in a pod. Im surprised vic didnt ask to stay at maya and carina's for a few days.

I like theo and jack this episode.

Vic looks tripped out by travis showing her his scars lmao. Travis and this scar analogy is fantastic and makes me giggle, so dramatic.

I still dont know how i feel about these two drug addicts.

First commercial and i just want to add that the sushi scene i love, the family feel is wonderful.

Michael and travis are so cute. Also how long was theo a captain before michael died?

Listening to libby you can tell how troubled travis is by the look on his face. Its like he's thinking what if something were to happen to Hughes and we weren't in a good place.

Im glad jack came to talk to theo. It's good for them both.

Emmett you cutie. Im glad he is speaking truths to travis.

This proposal is so cute, the double proposal makes me so happy.

Travis needs to become a dad, he so wanted that future with Michael.

Its so cute that theo was there for the proposal and his best friends. Who stood up for travis at the wedding and who married michael and travis? Im headcanoning theo marrying them.

I totally get travis's feelings about theo in light of Michael's death but with how involved he was with the two i wish travis had found some way to heal with his friend sooner.

Vic trying to discuss Emmett, oh i love you.

This scene by the trees is so tough.

I bet they had so much fun shooting this even if it was difficult material.

So travis is in a apartment instead of his house with michael, howd that happen.

The things they are saying to each other are so hard. Everyone grieves differently.

Okay how long was theo a firefighter before he became captain. They were possibly in the academy in 2009, he was training for lt in 2010 and in 2012 he was put up for captain. So it seems he was on the fast track like maya. Okay he was only at lt for 6 months with may he a bit longer than maya.

Though she definitely made better decisions as captain. Also i love that ripley put up for it and ripley is who told maya to become lt and that she'd be a good captain.

Theo's joke about dying in a fire is just wrong.

Theo did make a bad call like travis worried but his being green should be a reason to find forgiveness for him.

Im glad michael stood uo for his friend. Also travis asked if it was a good idea theo being michaels captain, not ours. That further leads me to believe that travis was at a different station. I really cant shake the thought that he was at station 19 by this point for the simple fact of capt hererra saying he hand picked all of them.

Its nice that travis is finally talking to vic about his anger and sadness over michael, his grief and apologizing for his comments about ripley.

Okay so based off the past episodes for the characters, gibson and miller have been at the station longer than andy and maya and it appears travis has been as well. So that just has me questioning how long hughes has been, did we get dates when we learned how she became a firefighter, i cant remember.

Who notified travis that Michael was gone? He wasn't on scene otherwise he'd already have seen theo.

Theo was so good to own up to his mistake to the higher ups and travis.

The house vs apartment thing bothers me about station 19. Like maya's apartment always felt like a house and then we see its an apartment. Travis lived in a house with Michael and now has an apartment filled with Michael's things. Then Jack had an apartment or something in season 3 and now lives with martha and co. Then vic is basically homelessx had an apartment then jumped from friends homes. I dunno why i bothers me so, i guess it just feels so inconsistent, i dunno if that makes sense.

Ugh the ruiz and Gibson scene here is so good for them once again and im glad it helped marcus. Im sad marcus wont be a part of jacks life anymore.

Theo why did you decide to talk to vic about ripley? Not that it was a bad talk just curious what sparked it.

Travis im so proud of you, this talk here is so important for your healing. Vic i love your joke. Yay my travic is healing.

Okay so hughes was probie in 2016 after michael died. Ugh i need to know more about travis time at station 19 before during or after whatever michael died. Also when did andy and maya graduate im blanking on the year.

Travic's first scene at the station together is so lovely.

Ugh travis's phone call is so rough.

So travis cant vacation very well either, no wonder he told maya to enjoy her trip with carina in sesson 3.

The station 19 actors are so phenomenal. Such a wonderfully acted episode.

So as im sure my followers and anyone else reading this has gathered, i decided to do this live blog as one whole thing since the anon was upset by my previous posts. If you hate this and think i should go back to the other way let me know or if i should take their suggestion and creatr my own tag let me know. Basically if you are interested in my live blog please let me know what you think.

The anon has been weighing on me leading me to almost not want to finish my live blog of the series.

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[thasorns-moved]

if you haven’t watched hormones the series (yet) don’t read further because you will find heavy spoilers what I’m about to say...

I just finished the episode of Dao and I really dont know what to say... I mean it’s the first time I wished the storyline would be longer than just one episode. I get the ‘one episode focuses on 1-3 characters’ but this is such an important topic especially for young woman of age who’s going/went through what Dao went through... I mean first having a very strict mother puts so much pressure on people in general and it’s more when you’re the only child... the mother tells her what to wear, not to talk to boys, can’t fall in love, needs to study...etc. if she had a son well well want to talk about that... how different girls and boys are treated in general or more like in the asian community... anyway...she’s a young woman in 10th grade, she’s a teenager it’s normal for people to experience falling in love for the first time, having interests in people than before, dating for the first time, having an intimiate intercourse for the first time - it’s all about the first times at this age and I mean not only when it comes to this topic...(her story is focused on it) so they first discuss the issue that a boy took Dao home and the mom explains why she is so strict with her but still not the best way in my opinion instead you could talk with her properly, show her other ways to be safe and not bossing her around anyway before this was over, the mother offered to give the boy a ride and she’s suddenly having a change of thought and even invites him for dinner just because he talked very mature. Dao at this point is just happy of course why wouldn’t she be... at one night he comes over “secretly” and like I said it’s everything about the first time. So she sleeps with him the first time and wakes up alone. She can’t reach him not on the phone nor on social media. They didn’t used a condom... so yeah... normal to think she could be pregnant, goes to a pharmacy to buy the after birth control pill (even that information she got from a search on the internet) I wonder at this point if thailand doesn’t teach such important topics in school so that teenagers can be save... anyway... the pharmacist lady told her she should get her period after 7 days, 7 days in torture and with no one to talk to... the nightmares she had and the dreams what would happen or how the people could talk about her in such negative way, like it’s a taboo topic.... girls/woman can’t have sex and get pregnant it’s terrible and the immidiate shame you would bring... but this is so normal in the asian community this topic. yeah... not a surprise that she didn’t talked with anyone. after 7 days she still didn’t got her period so again she websearched and thought she could be pregnant... (and again why in no search is a lead to go to a gynecology? regard the fact she could be pregnant who knows if she has infected herself with something...so it’s so important to go to the doctor) her first thought tho: an abortion clinic... I never went into one of these institutions so I don’t have any idea but what I DO know is that one of my friends had a miscarriage not the same but yeah... doesn’t matter... what I want to say is that Dao probably went into a private clinic (can’t imagine official clinics would operate on a young girl - they need the parental consent) a very serious lady came (even the lady in her eyes you could see she judged Dao...) and took her into a waiting room in front of the operation room... what comes next is so horrific that I can’t believe that the producers did this... they (probably the doctor and the lady) dragged a woman out who had just her abortion still blood on her legs and distributed the blood on the floor from her operation... the door to the operation room is fully opened and all the blood on the floor and oh my I don’t want to desribe it that much... it was very disturbing to watch this scene.... at this point I didn’t know what the abortion law is in Thailand so I searched it and well also not a surprise... Abortion in Thailand is illegal so woman could face three years of imprisonment and a fine of up to 60,000 baht (1928,64 US Dollar or 1715,11 Euro) or they could face both. There are some laws where it’s okay to have an abortion of it all it’s illegal so at this point I wonder if the producers showed us such horrific images so we can be aware of our doings? We probably will never know...so instead reaching out to anyone to talk to, she’s going to the pharmacy again to buy a pregnancy test... before she used it her mother entered the room and Dao explicity asked her if she would still love her daughter if she would had made a mistake... instead answering with love and support “my daughter wouldn’t do such things, I raised you myself.” like holy shit woman is this fr? I was so mad at this answer. Just because you raised her and she’s your daughter doesn’t mean she’s a flawless human being! She’s human with feelings and not the perfect daughter. We all aren’t perfect so stop seeing us like that just because you raised us doesn’t mean you know how we think, work and act... Stop putting so much pressure on us... but again some mothers are like that I can only speak for myself and I have a mother who’s very controlling... anyway... the episode ends with her getting her period... there wasn’t ONE scene where she could breathe, or be at ease or even allow herself to break down, to cry from the inner core...and this is what we teach ourselves because there is so much pressure to be the ‘good’ girl and have ‘good’ grades and ‘focus’ only on studying but woman are more than that and acknowledge that for fuck sake. What I actually wanted to say with this post is I wished her storyline would be longer like it was too much to deal with all of this in one episode at this point if she comes normal to school they destroyed the important topic completely. I mean facing and dealing with all of this in such a short period of time and still acting normal is strange of a behavior and that tells me as a woman you can’t break down or even struggling with mental disorder because what you went through isn’t a thing to overreact

I know I know this is already too long and I seriously didn’t wanted to make a long post about this ONE episode but I didn’t know I had THAT many things to say. I apologize at this point and well I know rarely people or no one would read this...and that’s okay.

[timelvss]

even if it was fake | jjh

  parings: jung jaehyun | ft. johnny & mark 

genre: rich!au, fake dating!au / romance, fluff, angst

warnings: language, a lil smut but not really honestly

word count: 15.8k (IM SO SORRY)

description: trying to save your best friend from his enemy you end up caught up in a whirlwind storm that only seems to get bigger and bigger. also, people apparently like telling the truth after years of hiding. oh, and tiny mark needs to be saved from the world. 

author’s note: first and foremost thank you for waiting. this fic has been in the writing process for so long like nearly a year and honestly i’m just super glad i could finally finish it and share it with everyone here. also i got the whole idea for this from of this fic by @stormae (if you have time you guys should def check it out) and another thank you my soulmate for pretty much proof reading it before i posted it but i’m sure there is still a few mistakes in there so i’m sorry in ahead. BUT anyways please enjoy and please send me your thoughts on it! 

    The hot sun flared across the tent that was doing little to nothing at trying to keep you cool and the champagne in your hand was no longer cold. The men on the horses ran back and forth across the field trying to chase a ball the size of a tennis ball. You never liked polo but it was a sport that was in the family and you kind of had to like it, your choice didn’t matter when it came to family. Your mom was out with Mrs. Kim trying to get Yugyeom interested in you, on the other hand you were sitting down with Mark who was exempt due to his fake wrist sprain.

Your heels were digging down into the grass and you could almost hear the cries of Saint Laurent as the soil muddied the tan heels. The game was only on the second break and the boys were only getting off their horses. A few of the families that joined yours were going on to the field, divot stomping the holes made by the horses making you remember your younger years. Smiling at the memories you glanced back at Mark who was on his third glass of rum and coke and was wobbling over towards Johnny. “Jonathan!” you heard Mark scream and you could only sigh at him.

“I told you I’m not actually called Jonathan, you idiot,” Johnny said as he made his way towards the both of you. His forehead was sweaty as he took off his helmet, shoving it under his arm. You handed him a bottle of water to which he returned with a smile. “He’s already had three rum and cokes so he’s not very aware as of now,” you told the taller man beside you as Mark wobbled through the field  towards the opposing team.

“Of course he has,” sighing he slipped his hand through his hair, “Doyoung is lacking today and Sehun keeps on falling behind, if they dont step up were going to lose the first game of the season,”

Your eyes went to the rest of Johnny’s team, Doyoung who was polishing his mallette. Sehun on the other had was trying to flirt with Chungha who just rolled her eyes and then Yugyeom who was now being introduced to your mother who was holding a glass of white wine. Shaking your head your eyes landed on Mark who was hugging the leader of the opposing team, Jung Jaehyun. He was one of the best players you had heard about, apparently he was known for his sweet character yet fierceful switch when it came to him being on the field.

On Jaehyun’s team there was Taeyong who pretty much was his number two. He was in charge of picking out the tactical leader in the opposing team, meaning he was trying to figure out Doyoung’s next move. Bambam and Jongin who finished Jaehyun’s team but you couldn’t figure out their positions just yet, you weren’t exactly paying much attention to the game to begin with, “And Mark is befriending the opposing team, so that’s also a plus,” you said softly bumping your elbow against Johnny’s side.

“As if he’s not going to die because of the Jonathan incident, he definitely wants to die for befriending them now,”

“Calm down, go get on your horse I’ll get him.” Patting his shoulder he started to walk back towards the team’s tent.

  Next you were taking off your heels, barring them from getting any more dirty than they needed to. You felt stares from different people as you made your way through the field as people were coming back to their seats. The fabric of the brightly colored Versace dress made you stand out as you made your way towards the other tent. With your shoes in one hands you reached over for Mark who was busy talking about how he had just gotten a new Porsche for his birthday,  “C’mon kid, we gotta get back to our seats,”

“Oh Jaehyun! This is the girl I was talking to you about, my sister, the next heir to the biggest fashion house next to Versace and Gucci of course. Gilded House of Fashion, will be hers in the next few years!” Mark said in excitement making you cringe when people reminded of your actual duties as the daughter of Y/M/N, not that you were ashamed but that brought a lot of unwanted attention to your name.

Sighing you pinched the bridge of your nose and looked back at Mark, who was just grinning at you, “Why did I bring you here?” you shook your head and looked at Jaehyun who had a smirk over his lips. “Oh yes, you’re Jaehyun. I’m Y/N,”

“I’m aware, nice to finally meet you,” Jaehyun announced as he stretched his hand out to you. Having no other choice, you took his hand and shook it, his hands were soft with small calluses scattered across his palms. You could only assume it was from holding on to the reigns of the horse for a long time or maybe because of the mallette, after all those things were not light. Just as you were about to take your hand back away from his grip, he moved your hand up to his lips pressing a kiss to the Alexander Mcqueen skull ring that adorned your middle finger. “I hope we can see each other more often.”

Once he let go of your hand you released a breath that you didn't even realize you were holding in. Beside you Mark was wiggling his eyebrows as Jaehyun said his goodbyes to the rest and grabbed his helmet, ready to go into the next chukka. Mark was about to open his mouth but you turned and grabbed him by the ear, tugging him all the way back to your tent.

  The rest of the game was pretty boring to you due to the fact that Mark was asleep on the couch next to you and that Johnny’s team was still tied with Jaehyun’s, eight to eight. A yawn escaped your lips as you felt the seat next to you dipped, it was none other than your mom. Great.

“I saw you talking to that boy on the other team, he’s the heir to the Jung & Associates, the one with all the lawyers,” you turned to look at her and yawned at her words again. “What I’m saying is, he’s a good candidate but I can still set up the date with Yugyeom,”

Slipping your heels back into your feet and glanced back at your mom who’s empty glass was sitting on the table in front of you.  “Mom, are you serious?”

“Sweetie, modeling isn't forever. You're gonna have to take over the fashion house once your modeling career is over. Yugyeom’s family is into electronics so it's nice, but if it’s Jaehyun we have a save card anytime a company tries to get to us. Sue all the people who copy our designs, we’d have all the freedom we could possibly have,” she said putting her hand on your shoulder, you knew since your father passed five years ago she was always on the lookout for you to have a good comfortable life. Only in her book that meant getting a rich man to marry you only for you to become the perfect trophy wife.

“I exchanged a total of maybe fifteen words with him, mom. Also Yugyeom was in my class but I don't even talk to him, please.”

“You're not twenty forever, keep that in mind.”

Gathering your phone and a few pieces of candy, you slipped them back into your tan Gucci clutch that somehow matched with your heels and tapped Mark’s shoulder. He only groaned and flipped over to face the couch so you couldn’t bother him, sighing you rubbed your temple and reached over for a water bottle from the bar. He was going to wake up one way or another. Twisting open the cap on the bottle you took a small sip before someone took the bottle from your hand just as you were about to pour it over Mark’s sleeping form, frowning you looked behind you only to find Jaehyun. He no longer was in his blue and white uniform but in a pair of white dress pants, a soft blue button down that was neatly tucked inside his pants, and a matching navy blazer. If you were being completely honest he looked good, a little worn out from the game but good.

“Let the kid take a longer nap, why don't you and I talk for a bit?” he said as he reached for the cap between your fingers. Handing it to him, he closed the bottle and set it down on the table before looking back at you, “Unless you have somewhere to be, I wouldn’t want to hold you back,”

From the corner of your eye you saw Johnny give you a warning look making you feel just a bit guilty. It wasn't that Johnny did not like Jaehyun, but he didn't like Jaehyun. Jaehyun had a casanova title and you could tell why, he was the one who stole Rose from him and he was still a tiny bit salty about it. Of course, that happened over a year ago, but the memory of it always brought discomfort to Johnny’s face. Nevertheless the rivalry between Johnny was not only in the love field but also in terms of their own social status, Seo Law Firm was the second to Jung & Associates and everyone knew that. Johnny was put as second best whenever he was pinned up against Jaehyun, and honestly you just wanted to run at this point.

“Uh, I mean,” you stumbled over your words not really knowing what to say, you knew if Johnny saw you talk to this man he would be pissed off. On the other hand Johnny was just your best friend and there was no way you were going to be able to carry Mark all the way to your car. Looking back at Mark, you dropped your clutch in his arms which he tugged close to his chest and looked back at Jaehyun. “Sure but quick, I can’t leave him like this for too long,”

“Great,” a smile broke over his lips and you felt your hands get clammy at the sight of his dimples. Dammit cute guys were always the jerks, you thought to yourself as the both of you walked towards the bar. “Would you like something to drink?”

You could only shake your head as you reached over to take the small sunflower out of the vase that was set between the both of you. “No thank you, I had two glasses of champagne and I’d rather not since I’m going to be driving,”

“Whoa, who said all rich girls were dependant on drivers,” he chuckled and the moment it reached your ears you could feel like it was the most beautiful sound you heard. “Most of the girls I know get pissed drunk and have drivers take them home,”

“Yeah well, I tend to live on my own I only come to these events when I’m called,” you said as you started plucking the petals of the yellow flower in your hand.

Jaehyun on the other hand ordered a whiskey on the rocks and was turned to you, giving you his full attention, “Ah, so the model who ditched her mother for her own self made life,”

“How do you know that?”

“Darling, you are at a polo match with some of the biggest families in our city. I knew you, I also know you're best friends with Seo over there who's pretty much killing me with his eyes. I know Mark is somehow cheating out of the game by faking an injury he doesn't have and also I know your mother is set on marrying you off to Kim Yugyeom. Now tell me, am I wrong?”

Narrowing your eyes you swallowed the lump in your throat that was beginning to build up since the moment Jaehyun mentioned Johnny. The flower was long forgotten as your arms came to cross over your chest, “What do you want?”

“I need a favor from you. You have a clean slate when it comes to the media, I’ve gotten into my fair share of scandalous rumors in the past and my own inauguration of taking over my father’s company is coming up in less than a year. I need you to date me, it would send the mature and changed image of me to the media,” you could only laugh at his attempts of trying to get you to fake date him. There was a small smirk that played over his lips as he turned back to look over at Johnny who was sitting down next to Mark who was sitting up now. “Unless you want me to make his life a living hell I suggest you take the deal, I know what to get to push his buttons starting with Rose, his own family, his company, his reputation, and his friends,” he turned back to look at you with a smile over his lips which only read off as fake, you could only sigh and look over to Johnny who gave you a worried look.

“You have until the end of next week to let me know, if I don’t hear anything from you I’m taking it as a no.” His hand made its way to your chin and he leaned in to press a kiss to your cheek before leaving you, standing alone at the bar with the happiness of your best friend weighing heavily on your shoulders.

  “Okay wait, so Jaehyun pretty much looped you into fake dating him because he needs a good reputation when he becomes the next CEO to Jung & Associates and then by telling you that if you don’t do it he’s going to pretty much slowly kill Johnny’s social and real life?” Mark quickly rushed out as he laid next to you on your bed. He was staring up at the ceiling because apparently if he moved too fast he felt like he was going to puke and you didn't feel like cleaning up his mess. He turned his head towards you and sighed, “What did you tell him?”

You were sitting up against the headboard glancing over at your phone that kept lighting up from different notifications, you knew in there was a text message of Johnny asking you if everything was okay. Honestly, you were kind of dying, there was no choice in what you had to do. You had to take Jaehyun’s proposal in order for Johnny to be happy even if it meant being used as a toy, “I don't have much of a choice Mark, I’m going to have to say yes,”

“Well, you don't have to,” his voice was a bit softer making you look at him. Reaching over you moved your hand through his hair, a small smile spreading over your lips. Mark was more than your brother, he was your best friend and your biggest inspiration at times. You knew he always tried to put up the cold front with people but he was just an eighteen year old boy who was in charge as man of the house when your father passed. Being only two years older than him you always looked out for him even when he annoyed you half of the time when he got too drunk.

“Listen kid, it’ll be okay we’ll break it off once he gets settled into the position. I’ll be okay I promise and if something happens you and Hyuck can go beat his ass,” you said laughing softly when you pushed him slightly, getting off the bed and slipping your sneakers back on.

His hands went straight to his stomach making you laugh, you could almost see his face turn green and you could only move the trash can closer to him. “Please, don’t move me again I might throw up on your bedding,”

“You have a death wish, don’t you?”

  Leaving Mark with asprin and the trash can made you feel a little bad but you had to get this thing with Jaehyun over with. It was almost the end of the week and you were avoiding Johnny at all costs which only made you feel even more guilty. Walking inside the offices of Jung & Associates you only felt out of place in your Off-White Jordans and your over priced white t-shirt. Trying to fix the wrinkles in your shirt and wishing the holes on your destroyed jeans would magically somehow fix and close, you walked up to the desk. At the desk there was a pretty blond with straightened hair but wearing a skirt suit thing that would have looked better in a trash bin, but you guessed that was her uniform. “Hello, is Jaehyun in today?”

“Good afternoon, do you have an appointment? Mr. Jung is a very busy person,” the blond said and you felt like rolling your eyes as you glanced over the counter. Your eyes met the floor listings and you only shrugged. The blond followed your eyesight and her eyes widened, but you could only smile and wave to her as you made your way to the elevator.

“I don’t, but he’ll be glad to see me. Call him and tell him I’m on my way up, darling!” A smirk played on your lips as you saw the blond try to run in her heels towards you but the elevator’s doors closed before she could get close. You pressed the button for Jaehyun’s floor and leaned back against the bronze wall. This is it, I’m giving myself up to the devil, you thought as you looked at the numbers on the small screen go higher and higher.

The doors opened with a soft ding leading you down a hallway of glass doors. You made your way down the hallway of doors and at the end you were met with a large wooden door at the end with Jung Jaehyun engraved in bronze letters across the front. You took a large breath before opening the door, only in front of you was no other than Jaehyun with his head tilted back as another blond in a tight (well, more loose now) bun was down on her knees in front of him.

Your eyes widened at the sight in front of you making you quickly shut the door and press your hands against your mouth to conceal the gasp falling from your lips. To be fair you were surprised but also not really. The casanova had to get laid but it couldn’t be in public eye and he had plenty to picks at his own work space. Shuffling came from behind the door and then it opened, the blond girl walked past you fixing her skirt as she walked back into her office.

A hand was placed on your shoulder and you could only cringe at the thoughts of where it had been making you move away from it. “Listen dude, I only came to talk to you before you ruin my best friend’s life. Although, I can come back later or meet you somewhere else I’d rather not go into your office until it’s been sanitized,”

Jaehyun only chuckled at your words making you turn to look at him and sighing. His shirt was sloppily tucked into his pants and his hair was a sweaty mess making you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Did you finally make a choice?”

“Make a choice? I don’t really have one here,”

“Sweetheart, of course you have one. Only one happens to be better choice and the other choice happens to bring misery to Seo,” he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into the door frame as if it was as simple as picking out your outfit, “So you say yes?”

You could only roll your eyes at his words and slowly nodded your head. A bitter taste filled your mouth as you braved yourself for the words that were ready to spill from your lips, “Yeah,”

“Great, I’ll text you the important information you’ll need to know,” he said pulling his phone out of the pocket of his coat, handing it to you. Biting down on your lip you pressed in your phone number and quickly handed it back to him, “Oh, and also we’re going to be publicly seen at the wedding of Irene and Jin, just by the way,”

Jaehyun fixed his shirt and looked at his reflection on one of the glass doors along the hallway, fixing his hair down. He slipped his phone back into the pocket of his suit jacket before giving you a smile. Your mind was running at his words and you could only remember that the famous Kim-Bae wedding was only a couple of months away, “What?!”

“Be prepared, now I have to rush to a meeting,” Jaehyun said as he pressed a kiss to your cheek again and walked past you towards the elevator. Pressing the button for the elevator and getting inside as the doors opened for him. A kilowatt smile spread over his lips making your skin tingle as the doors closed. You tried to reach for the doors closed groaning internally and covering your face with your hands.

“Jaehyun!”

    Word spread quicker than fire as the days went on, specially after Jaehyun went to your own apartment with a box of flowers that cost a good hundred dollars. The flowers in general were a light pink and had some gold dusting around the tips that you knew Jaehyun himself couldn’t have picked. It was probably another of his blond assistants who gave him head while he worked. The gesture made sure everyone knew you were a thing but still not exposing much of the secrets. Of course, this meant that Johnny had been calling you non-stop, but due to your situation you still hadn’t picked up any of his calls  

Sighing you glanced back at your phone only to find three missed calls from Mark who was probably going to scream at you because you hadn’t been answering Johnny. There were also at least nine missed calls from Johnny while on the other hand there was only one text from Jaehyun.

  [12.35 pm] Jung Jaehyun: We’re going out shopping tonight. You need a dress for Jin’s wedding and we need to be seen in front of the paps. Be ready by 6.

  You glanced over at your clock and sighed as you read the clock. It was only 2:30 which meant you still had time to dread over Jaehyun and this whole deal.

  There was only thirty minutes until Jaehyun would arrive and you had changed into some black jeans that you had made rips into which probably decreased their value to only a hundred bucks. Matching it with a loose fitting long sleeve shirt that read Yeezy on the sleeve but it looked like you could’ve gotten it from walmart and a pair of boots that came up to your ankle. There was a thin layer of makeup on your face and a tiny bit of perfume on your wrists. You knew this date was fake but if there was going to be pictures of you, you need to look good. As the doorbell rang you checked your phone making you furrow your eyebrows, it was only 5:42. Jaehyun was early? Your hand reached for your bag that was on the hook near the door before going towards the door and pulling it open.

“I never thought of you as the kind that arrives early,” you said as you grabbed your keys out of your bag and glanced back at the person in front of you. Everything you had just said and whatever kind of feeling all sinked down to the bottom of your stomach. Standing in front of you there was no other than Johnny Seo. “Johnny.”

“Who are you meeting?” his voice caught you off guard as you quickly looked around. You knew Jaehyun was going to be here in less than ten and yet here you were talking to Johnny and about to witness them try to murder each other.

“Uh, no one,” you quickly blurted out as a nervous smile spread over your lips. In your bag your phone made a soft ding announcing that it had received a message which you knew was probably from Jaehyun. “Just going shopping,”

Johnny had a look on his face that he didn't believe you but he didn't say anything, which made you feel more guilty than what you were already feeling. “Well, can you just postpone for another night, we have things to talk about and I'd rather do it now,”

“Johnny, I can’t n-”

“Seo, what are you doing here?” you heard Jaehyun’s voice before you actually saw him. At that point your eyes were trying to avoid either males and trying to focus on the paintings on the walls. There was a few questionable stains on the walls, you made yourself a mental note to find some painters to get it fixed as soon as possible, “She’s got somewhere to be, with me to be exact,”

There was a moment of silence where you could almost hear Johnny’s breathing from next to you quicken as Jaehyun talked. You felt a set of eyes on your shoulders but knowing who it was from it only made you want to shrink smaller than an ant so that Johnny would gladly step on you. Although what you didn't expect was for him to pat your back, your eyes quickly went up to him only to find a disappointed look in his eyes, “Please text me after you get back home, we need to talk.”

Shopping went too slow to your liking, paparazzi followed you from store to store which made you a little uncomfortable but it wasn’t really up to you. You knew that now that you were back in the comfort of your home there was pictures of you and Jaehyun floating around the internet. Which only lead to your phone to receive multiple notifications from Mark, your mom, Johnny and probably some other people that called themselves your friends. Changing into some comfortable clothes and walked into the kitchen as you heard the door ring once again. In the back of your head you knew it could only be one person, Johnny.

Sighing to yourself you walked go the door and opened it, leaving it open for Johnny to walk inside as you walked back towards your small living room. As you walked you found yourself being engulfed by a pair of arms around you pulling you into his chest. His chin resting on your shoulder as you bit down on your lip and let yourself fall back against him. There was sense of comfort but the guilt rushing to every part of your body which made your eyes water but all you could do is look at the ceiling instead of the man behind you. “I’m sorry,” you whispered as you brought your hands up to your face to quickly wipe away any existence of the tears on your eyes.

“Why are you with him?” he asked instead of trying to change the subject. You knew he wanted to know the reason behind why you were doing it. You also knew if he knew he’d ask you break it off, that he could handle it on his own that it was his own problem with Jaehyun and none of your business to meddle with.

Scrunching your face you thought of excuses to make for it, but none came to your mind at the moment making you sigh. “I just..” you mumbled as his hands turned you around to face him, his face was full of worry and if you looked closely there was disappointment in his eyes and you knew that was from you. “My mom was picking guys from your last polo match, she was thinking of Yugyeom but since Jaehyun actually talked to me set up a date for the both of us. You know, we have to mingle with our own kind sort of thing,” Johnny could only nod, he knew about how much your mother looked at your future suitors and made sure they were within her standards before letting you date any of them.

  That’s what happened with your first boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook. He was your first boyfriend when you attended high school, he was the son of the CEO of a record label but he was new money. New money was never reliable, companies like that were always being brought down or being bought by the highest bidder and your mother saw no future in that. Which is why your own mother thought of sending you and Mark abroad to Europe for a modeling camp that went from country to country. She said it would be a good look on your portfolio which is why you only said yes. Meanwhile your mother gave the label a large amount of money if Jungkook never got near you again and to your luck you only got a text that night that read ‘i���m sorry were over.’ The following weeks were met with you staying in bed and asking Mark to call Jungkook only to find out he had blocked you on every platform possible.

While in Barcelona you met back with Johnny, he used to be in school with you back in the day and he quickly became one of your closest friends. You knew the Seo family, and you also knew that after graduation Johnny packed this things and left. With all the money he had he traveled until he was missing home, you had managed to caught him on his last whim and ready to head back home. After the stunt he pulled he was picked as the black sheep of his family, no one with that kind of duty in his shoulders would just leave his family behind. This is why you were willing to take the bullet for him when it came to Jaehyun, he needed the perfect image in front of his family. He needed to prove that he could handle the family business without the help of his siblings.

  You were brought back to reality when you heard him chuckle from behind you, “I always thought your mom would end up marrying you off to Yugyeom or me or maybe even Hoseok from Hope Inc., but never thought she’d want you to marry him,” he said as he pulled back and ran his fingers through his hair. He sat down on the edge of the couch and looked up at you with his face in his hands, he looked tired and there was dark shadows under his eyes. There was a small pang at your chest but you didn’t know where it came from. He’s my best friend of course, that’s why, you thought to yourself because you couldn’t think of it being something else.

“Yeah well, you know how she is,” you tried to give him a small smile before sitting down next to him. Bringing your hands up to your face you let out a shaky breath not wanting to think about what he had just said to you. He had actually thought about maybe —someday— marrying you. Blinking a couple of times you glanced back at his slumped form, he was breathing at a slow pace which made you even more confused. How in the world was he this calm when he had just said this to you like it was the most common thing in the world?

“Whoa, wait right there, you just said you thought about marrying me. Would you like to explain because I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit,” your voice was at a higher pitch by the end of the sentence. Johnny quickly stood up from his spot on the couch next to you, his face looked panicked before he wiped his hands on his pants.

Johnny let out a nervous laugh as he glanced back at you, shoving his hands inside his pockets. “Oh would you look at the time, I really need to get going I still have paperwork at the office to sign and I have to plan stuff. I should really get going,”

“No, no, no, you’re not leaving until you explain.”

  He was already walking towards the door as you quickly stood up front your spot on the couch. Your legs were moving as fast as they could trying to catch up to him. Dammit Johnny, why were you blessed with long legs? You thought to yourself as you reached over to grab his arm. He was like a deer caught in headlights, unable to move, trapped in his own body and you were the thing keeping him there, rooted. “Explain,”

“I dont think it’s the right time or motive for it,” he quickly said as you reached for his hand making him close his eyes. His mouth only let out a soft sigh before his arms quickly pulled you into his embrace. For a moment it felt like home, like coming home to your warm bed or cuddling into your favorite blanket while you've been out in the cold. Johnny had been your best friend of years, he even shielded you away from the troublesome kids in school. He was the one who would join you and Mark at fashion week. “All you gotta know now it that if you’re ever ready to run, I’m here we can leave and run away from all of this. I’d leave this world with you,”

“Johnny please, you can’t leave me after saying that,” your hands wrapped around him as you buried your face in his chest taking in his scent. His hands were resting on your back like they knew every curve on your body better than you. After all he had seen you in lingerie, that one time he came with you to the Victoria’s Secret catalog photoshoot. His hands moved back up and cupped your face pulling you back so he could finally look at you. The height difference between the both of you always made you feel tiny next to him, but now you felt it in another way. The way you see couples in dramas, those cheesy kind of things.

“You’re dating Jaehyun sweetheart, you left me before I could explain,” he said making you snap away from your thoughts and quickly shifting your eyes towards him. “Even if I explained now you won’t leave him, we both know you wouldn’t like to upset mother dearest. Although the offer still stands, say the word, I’ll leave everything and run with you,”

“You can’t ask me that, you know I’m taking over the House in a few years an-”

Johnny’s hands dropped from your body as he took a step back from you and placed his hands on his hips. A sad smile appeared across his lips as he took a look at you, “Y/N, if you loved me you wouldn’t hesitate,”

“Uh, excuse me, you're the one who said nothing about loving me and you expect me to run into your arms like nothing? I’m sorry but I have people looking after me and most of all, I don't want to be a disappointment to Mark,” you quickly said and he shook his head at your words, his eyebrows raising and only making your temper rise by that point.

“You know he wouldn't see it that way, tell me you love me,”

The deer was no longer Johnny, it was you. The headlights were on you and you felt yourself freeze in front of him. You had only said the L word to a total of three people in your life, Mark, your mom, and Jungkook but honestly you were fifteen you didn’t know better. After the Jungkook situation you hadn’t said it someone in a way that it way, of course, with your family it was different but in that way you had only said it to one person. “I can’t, not because I don’t want to. I just can’t, you should go.”

Johnny had a look on his face you couldn’t quite read, it was a look you hadn’t seen on his face and it only made you feel confused. His head shook once more before he made his way to the door, his eyes met yours for one last time as he opened the door. Neither of you could say anything but the tension was thick, you knew all you had to do was say those three little words and everything would be fixed. The only issue was, would you mean it?

Your eyes kept wandering across the room at a small little water feature the expensive room had, you knew Jaehyun paid over three thousand dollars for this whole room to yourselves but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. The memory of Johnny’s eyes still haunted you when ever yours would fall shut and it kind of freaked you out. It was just another of Jaehyun’s fake dates, the second one in a week and not even a week from where you had turned Johnny down. Honestly you didn’t turn him down but you left him without an answer and seemed worse than an actual no. the feeling of uncertainty was a lot worse than rejection, it was a feeling of being stuck and not being able to move on. Sighing you turned to look over at Jaehyun whose lips were moving yet you had no idea what he was talking about.

It made you feel a little bad that you weren’t paying attention to the man in front of you but you had your mind somewhere. Your eyes found Jaehyun’s making him stop talking and finally sigh, he slumped back against the plush seat behind him. His arms moved to cross over his chest as his eyes studied you. “Spill it out, you barely touched your food and by the looks of it you heard nothing of what I just said,”

“No, it’s fine. It’s nothing really,” you said as you grabbed your glass of water almost chugging half of it down before looking at the over decorated room.

“Well, if you had paid attention you would’ve reacted at the fact that I mentioned that my parents want to meet you,” Jaehyun said as you pushed the steamed vegetables from one side to the other of your plate, rolling your eyes as he spoke. “I know you’re going to say no and I’m not exactly happy about bringing you home yet, but it’s not for me. It’s for Jaemin,”

Your head snapped back up as you looked at Jaehyun, it wasn’t for him to spill on personal things. Even on your dates he never spoke about his family, his life, or his business which was understable you were still a stranger but since you were still here he must have thought he was safe. On the other hand, you knew very little about the Jung family. From what you had heard from Mark, Jaemin was only a year younger than him and was somehow one of the nicest guys in the world. In the world you lived there was only one school that was trusted by the surrounding families, so of course Mark knew this kid.

Jaemin was the school’s prodigy, he graduated a year early and was due to inherit the Jung law firm but due to Jaemin sudden sickness the title was handed to Jaehyun who now used you as his toy. No one knew what Jaemin had and how it all happened, they just knew that from one day to the next he was gone. Slowly nodding your head you could only sigh at his question. Leaning over and standing up, you dropped the white napkin on top of your plate of expensive steak and pasta. Your hands tugged down your black Balmain dress down from your hip where it scrunched up. “Since I’m doing it I’m calling this off early, I’m leaving.”

    The next time you saw Jaehyun he was dressed in a button shirt that looked crisp and clean unlike the ones he wore to the office. Those were always wrinkly due to the activities he participated in. He was polished and his hair was slicked back, he actually looked like a CEO, you thought to yourself as he stretched his hand out for yours. Neither of you ever held hands he always just kept his arm around your waist but never done that. Shaking your hand you tried to fix the chiffon dress before reaching for his hand, the Saint Laurent dress you were wearing was only a bit more expensive than the small Cartier ring around your finger. Although the house you had just stepped in was probably worth more than all the money you could imagine or that you had. The italian marble floor was shining throughout the foyer that seemed never to have an ending row of marble sculptures. A smile made its way to your lips as you looked at each one as you walked past them, you knew the details on them were not cheap and none of these could be less than twenty thousand each.

“Brother! Ah, you finally brought your princess home! Y/N, welcome! I’m so glad to finally meet you, Jaehyun has talked dad’s ear off about you and how proud he is of you,” the voice came from a boy who was walking towards the both of you, his smile was soft and he gave off the happy vibes which reminded you of what Mark said about Jaemin. “Oh! Where are my manners, I’m Jaemin,” Jaemin said as he reached the both of you, he wrapped Jaehyun in a hug and then went over to you to give you one too catching you off guard.

“Yes, I’ve heard about you. I think you and my younger brother used to go to school together,” you smiled as he pulled back from you, in the corner of your eye you saw Jaehyun reach over and move his arm around you making you feel a bit more comfortable. You reminded yourself it was fake but it somehow made you feel safe.

“Uh, right, Mark is it?”

“That’s him,” you nodded your head and turned slightly to glance over at Jaehyun whose eyes were already on you. There was an exchange of smiles between the both of you as you turned your attention back to Jaemin in front of you.

“How is he doing? He was modeling along with Jeno and Lucas back when we were in school from what I recall,” Jaemin said as a smile grew over his lips, you could see why the Jung family was known for their looks. Both Jaehyun and Jaemin were gorgeous and anyone you knew would have killed for a date with either men.

“Still modeling, keeping himself busy,”

“That sounds great, please do send him my regards,”

“I will.”

  During dinner Jaehyun’s mother asked you about your work, your mother, your family, and pretty much everything in the book. She didn’t seem too excited when you told her you were a model and if you had looked close enough you would have seen the roll of her eyes at the mention of the word ‘model’. On the other hand Jaehyun’s father seemed to love you, he kept repeating how much Jaehyun had changed for the better and how proud he was of him. Jaehyun on the other hand looked nervous the whole time they were interrogating you and as well when they praised him. You looked back at him and leaned closer to him, softly patting his knee as you kept on answering questions that were being shot your way. He relaxed under your touch and leaned in to whisper a faint thank you making you nod your head.

By the end of dessert Jaehyun was talking to his dad about the recent case in the office while his mom had stood up and left the table excusing herself. You couldn’t help but to look over at Jaemin who had a grin on his lips. “Jae, I’m going to steal your beautiful princess and show her the rest of the sculptures in the garden while you talk with dad,”

“You don't have to Jaemin,” Jaehyun quickly said as he stood up from his seat right after Jaemin had already gotten up and was making his way to you. There was something in Jaehyun’s voice that you couldn’t quite read which made you look at Jaemin’s whose grin had turned into a small smile.

“I know, it’s fine.”

  The both of you walked down the bushes of roses with scattered sculptures every ten feet or so. The Jung family was old money and not compared to yours which seemed to have come out at a strike of luck with your mother, the only reason your family was respected was due to the designer house making such big revenue. The Jungs were a family of lawyers, ‘The best in the country’ as some newspapers had said. Shrugging you pushed the thoughts away as Jaemin lead the way down the path.  “These are gorgeous Jaemin,”

“Yeah, I think they were all imported from Europe back when I was younger, although I think it was a stupid idea though. Jeno and I broke one two years ago while playing cricket,” there was a snicker that came out of his lips as he looked towards the statue with half of its head missing. It was no longer the rock who seemed soft but you could see the jagged edges of where the ball made its impact on the white marble. “Anyways the reason I brought you out here is because I have to thank you,”

“Thank me?”

“Listen, I know the whole ‘Jaehyun and Y/N’ thing is a lie and if I’m being completely honest it was kind of my idea. Not with you specifically but he’s doing it to save me, kinda,” Jaemin sighed as he sat down on one of the benches on the path. There was sculptured bodies of marble on either side but he patted the spot next to you. The sound of your fake relationship being known made a part of you panic internally. Were you not selling it? Should you have kissed Jaehyun before leaving him with his father? You could only mentally groan to yourself as you sat down next to Jaemin. “It’s really complicated so if you need me to stop please, feel free to. Also, I know what you’re thinking and for your information you have my father sold. My mother on the other hand will take more convincing but I’m sure that won’t be necessary,”

“Okay so, I’m gay,” he paused for a second before continuing, his eyes were on you and you swore he could pretty much see every inch of your brain ticking and running at full speed, “You also know the world we live in isn’t exactly the most understanding, I know it’s 2019 and stuff but like.. When I told our parents they flipped you know? I was supposed to be the wonderkid, the chosen one, the prodigy for the law firm. I mean, that’s why I studied so hard, graduated early, and got the internship with my dad while studying in college. All of it just to become the next man of the Jung family, the chosen one after the first attempt failed. I'm not trying to blame Jaehyun for our parents picking me but he fucked up and our mom couldn't bare to see another failure to happen so I got pushed into the picture. I'm not going to go into detail on what Jaehyun did, it’s not my place to say but that’s why he was sent overseas to study, so I became the main focus for them. I went to school, I fell in love, and at first I thought it was stupid I couldn't like a boy. Then everything just happened and suddenly I was like wow I’m gay.” Jaemin’s eyes were no longer bright, they gave off sad vibe that made you feel cold making you wish you brought your coat with you. In the short time you had met Jaemin you knew it was an odd sight to see him in another mood that wasn’t happy or something related to that feeling.

“Anyways, Jeno asked me to be in the cover of this gay magazine next month with him and I feel like it’s a perfect way to come out. That's why Jaehyun is doing this with you, he’s bringing himself the spotlight for my freedom. What I'm really trying to say is thank you, thank you for being with him and doing this.”

  You were speechless at Jaemin’s confession although part of you wanted to know what had Jaehyun done in the past to have cost him the title of leader of the Jung family. Shaking your head you looked back at Jaemin who had tears in his eyes, he reminded you so much of Mark. Truthfully you knew where Jaehyun was coming from now, not that the way he had asked was good the man pretty much blackmailed you with baggage that wasn’t even yours, but you knew where he was coming from. “Your parents don’t know anything about this, do they?”

Jaemin shook his head as he sighed and looked up at the sky, “They have already given my spot to Jaehyun for me saying I’m gay, can you imagine what they’ll do the moment I publically come out?” he turned his head to you and you could only furrow your eyebrows, shaking your head you reached over and took one of his hands between yours.

“I know we don’t know each other very well, but like, if you ever need a place to crash or a friend to vent out on my door will always be open.”

After Jaemin’s confession to you there was a part of you that wanted to be nicer to Jaehyun but it only brought back the fact that he blackmailed you into doing this. There was another thing bugging you in the back of your mind, why did Jaehyun pick you out of every single other girl at the polo match? Sighing you pushed your wet hair back as you made your way to living room where Mark was on his phone, America’s Next Top Model was playing on the tv but there was no way he was paying attention to it.

“Alright, will you spill it out? I can hear your brain trying to think for the past half hour,” Mark said as he lowered the phone from his face and turned to you as you sat down next to him. He gave you a calm look and shook his head slightly at the sight of you. The sweatpants hung around your hips were Johnny’s old gym ones from when you were still in high school with him and the oversized t-shirt that cost more than your own Gucci slippers.

  “I just.. I found out some stuff about this whole deal I have with Jaehyun and I kind of get it. Why he’s doing it,” shrugging you turned your attention to the tv in front of you where Tyra was handing out photos of the remaining models that were continuing into the next level, “I would do anything for you or you know, someone I care for,”

Mark sat up more and turned to face you, there was a scrunch in his brows that only reminded you of a baby lion which made you smile. “Okay, so let’s say what he’s doing it’s somewhat acceptable and good, why did he pick you out of everyone? Or why is Johnny being dragged into this?”

“That’s the part that I need to know, Mark. I know a part of the story not everything, plus you know how hard it’s going to be to take this out of Jaehyun. He looks like he can barely stand me sometimes.”

“I think we can all relate to Jaehyun in that last part.” Mark could only roll his eyes at your last comment and let out a laugh, tilting his head away from you as you playfully punched his shoulder.

    Once again you found yourself sipping on a glass of bubbly champagne in the middle of a white tent, watching Jaehyun on a horse run back and forth on the field. On the other side of the field, another game was hosted with both Johnny and Mark playing. You no longer sat in Johnny’s tent because apparently to what Mark said you were banned. It was the quarterfinals of the small superficial polo games and August coming up around the corner meaning you had to start getting ready for New York Fashion Week and try to find a dress for Irene’s wedding. The one you and Jaehyun picked was no longer one that both of you liked. Your eyes could only wander towards the other field in which you could faintly see Johnny’s team was winning by two chukkas. If you were there you would’ve probably thrown a party already.

Sighing you turned to look over at Jaehyun’s mom was talking to Mrs. Kim, Jennie’s mom, on a way of how they could get you out of the way and let their children marry each other instead. You knew there was no way Jaehyun would accept, but it was nice his mom was looking out for him and it kind of reminded you of your mom. On the other hand, Jaehyun’s dad was talking to Jaemin about how well Jaehyun had been doing at the law firm recently, which only made you proud. Your mind could only think back to the past couple of days in which in order to play the part of girlfriend of the year you had been taking Jaehyun some packed lunches while he discussed the Jeong case to you. Meanwhile Jaemin’s boyfriend, Jeno, sat next to you with his phone in his hands shamelessly scrolling through instagram. Both boys were adorable together but you knew the real reason he was here, he was going to become a part of this society with or without approval of Jaemin’s parents so he was being briefly introduced.

Pushing the button at the side of your phone, you looked at the time before getting up and walked out towards the tent for the players. Your eyes made their way towards Jaehyun who you gave a small wave as he waited for the referee to call out the start of half time. You stood no longer than five minutes until you found a pair of arms around you making you groan internally as a smile spread over your lips. “Get away, you’re sweaty and gross,”

Jaehyun’s soft chuckle vibrated against your shoulder as you turned to hand him the water bottle that was in your hands. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t like it,” there was a playfulness in his tone which could only make you roll your eyes while a smile spread over your lips. You felt his hand leave your hip and moved to push back the wet hair away from his face. “Also, have my parents been bugging you?”

“No, but I do think your mother is planning on marrying you off to Jennie,” your head tilted towards where Jennie was sitting, she looked more busy trying to devour Jongin with her eyes than trying to spare Jaehyun a glance.

Jaehyun’s eyes followed the tilt of your head and he could only let out a small laugh as he pressed a kiss to your temple. It was something he had picked up on doing since mouth to mouth kissing was still a thing neither of you would attempt. “Should I propose to you within the next week then? Maybe then she’ll stop trying to find me new wives,”

“Stop that, go plan with your team. Taeyong looks like he’s ready to kill me for hoarding you too much already,” There was a soft blush coating your cheeks, you had always told yourself that everything was fake but there was something about his tone when he said certain things that made your heart flutter. Shaking your head, you pulled back from Jaehyun and gave his hands squeeze before walking towards the edge of the tent, “I gotta go check on Mark anyways, but please win.”

“You got it princess!” he called after you as your feet moved across the field making your way towards Mark who was sprawled out on one of the white couches.

  “Hey punk, how does it feel to finally play after your injury,” you said as you sat down next to Mark who had a damp towel over his forehead and handed him his water bottle from the small table in front of the both of you.

“It sucks, it’s so fu- I mean, freaking hot on that horse. Please remind me how I said yes to this stupid sport?”

You smiled thinking back at when you were still in highschool, Johnny had taken off a gap year and you were on your last year while Mark was struggling to pass geometry. Johnny would come to the school at least once a week to drop you lunch and to spend your free period with you talking about how his new hobby was taking over his life. One day Mark was skipping his physics exam in the library while Johnny and you dropped by. Long story short, Johnny ended up recruiting Mark for his polo team and scolding him for skipping his exams which only made you try to hold in a laugh. The memories were soon interrupted by a cough that sounded like Johnny’s which only made you turn towards him.

“So you show up here but can’t pick up a phone call or take five seconds to answer a text?” he scoffed which made him sound bitter and you could only sigh. Yeah, you were avoiding Johnny because you couldn’t tell him what he had asked you to. It wasn’t that you didn’t love him, but he was a bit too late. “But please, save your excuses. How about instead you go back to your asshole and follow him like a lost puppy again? You know like how you did just before you came back here where you know you’re not welcomed,”

There was a few gasps from the people behind you and tears stung on your eyes but you quickly blinked them back so they wouldn’t spill over your makeup covered face. “Could you not do this here?” you said through gritted teeth as you looked up at the taller man who was now in front of you.

“John,” you heard Mark say from behind you, he sounded threatening which is a tone he barely used with anyone let alone Johnny.

Johnny glanced back at Mark and shook his head as if to say stay out of it to which Mark could only hold his head up in your defence. You knew Mark and there was no way in hell he was going to back down, “Then leave, you’re not welcomed here yet you came,”

“Y/N,” placing his hand on your shoulder Mark sighed as his hand moved over to rub his eyes, he was trying to avoid this much needed argument between Johnny and you but he couldn’t control all of it at once.

“For fucks sake Johnny, I’m doing all of this because of you! All of it!”

“Why can’t you say it back then, it’s not that hard,”

“Uh, guys,” Mark was now tugging on your shirt which you could only push his hands away. You had already started it and you had to end it one way or the other no matter what your brother thought.

“Because it’s too fucking late John, if you had said those three stupid words three years ago it would’ve all been different then we wouldn’t be here! Then again who was I? The stupid best friend who saw you get fucked over by a girl who didn’t love you and I was there to collect every single piece of you that dropped. I was just the best friend, nothing else,” you sighed as your eyes stared back at the taller man in front of you. He looked taken back by your words but you weren’t going to hold anything back this time. “You were too caught up on a girl who just played with you while she kissed another man in front of your face,”

“Guys!” The both of you turned towards Mark who was discreetly pointing to Jaehyun who had just entered the tent, hearing every single word you had just said.

You saw Jaehyun chuckle from where he was standing, his arms crossed over his chest making him look bigger than he was and you mentally begged the earth to swallow you whole. Jaehyun made his way towards you and leaned into your ear to whisper, “We will discuss this later, is that understood?” You could only nod at his words before he pressed his lips to yours, this was the first kiss that the both of you shared. His lips were a bit chapped against your own but they were plush and a bit sweet from the snacks he ate to recover his energy before they called him into the next round.

Before you could do anything with your hands he moved away from you and took your hand tugging you with him, his hand squeezing yours a bit too hard for your liking but you knew why he had done it. As the both of you reached the edge of the tent, Jaehyun turned back to look over at Johnny who hadn’t moved a single inch since you were tugged away from him and Mark. “Good luck Jonathan with winning your game, I’ll see you at the finals. Well that is, if you’re lucky enough.”

  Trying to get Jaehyun to direct a word to you during the remaining time at the polo field was like trying to get water out of a rock. When you had finally worn out his patience on you he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the farthest corner of the tent, “We’re not talking about it now so go sit your pretty ass back in that chair, put on your cutest fake smile, and kiss me when ever I come back to you. Don’t worry our deal will be over sooner than you think, then you can run back into your stupid boy’s arms like nothing happened and you can tell him how much you love him.”

Jaehyun’s lips pressed to yours but this time they felt different, they were rougher against yours and his hands gripped your hips. His lips were salty from the sweat that dripped down as he moved under the blazing sun. There was something in the back of your head that screamed and yelled at you to move away from him but there was also a tug on your heart that made you want to stay with him.

The rest of the remaining game kept you walking back and forth between the couch and the edge of the tent. Jaehyun was playing too rough and you knew the referee was just holding back until he did severe fault so he could kick him off the field. On the other hand, from the other corner of the field you could see Mark screaming something over to Johnny who was dashing from one side of the court to the other. Sighing you could only sit back down on the couch next to Jeno, you knew if you kept on walking there would’ve been a hole on the path by the end of the night.

  As the game finished the referee shook Jaehyun’s hand, they had won once again and so had Johnny’s team. Both men were brought to the middle of the field to shake hands, although neither of them stretched their hands out. You knew why but there was cheers of people around you, they knew nothing about the rivalry that was going to come up in the next game. Jaehyun was only an inch shorter than Johnny but he stood his ground, his eyes never wavering to make it seem like he was scared of the older male. On the other hand, you knew Johnny wasn’t going to back down unless Jaehyun did so first which only made you sigh. Their gazes gave off the I’m going to kill you kind of vibe but there was only a handful of people who caught that, one of them being Taeyong who was walking towards you with a gentler but same look in his eyes.  “What did you do?”

“Excuse me?” you quickly said back with a questioning look in your eyes. Taeyong was the kind of guy who gave off the I’m hard on the outside but soft on the inside kind of look but at this moment you were terrified. Of course, you did your best to hide it because spilling the truth in front of him wouldn’t gain you any sympathy.

“Spill, I know you caused something. Ever since half time Jaehyun has been playing too rough, we all knew and it’s been a miracle the referee didn’t take him out. So, spill it,” he said it again and you could feel a small wave of nerves rush over you, although that seemed to subdue when you felt a familiar hand around your shoulders.

“Leave her out of it, Taeyong.”

  The car ride back to Jaehyun’s appartement was quiet, not only did the both of you not want the driver to hear what you guys were about to say but you had a feeling Jaehyun was putting sentences together in his head much like you were. His hand was still in yours, his fingers were rough from holding the mallet for so long but you didn’t seem to care. It had become a familiar touch, specially when he rubbed circles on your hand with his thumb which was something he did when he was nervous. Jaehyun wasn’t a person to get nervous easily, he was also not the person who would get scared either. On the other hand he was sweet to you when the both of you were out on your pretend dates, he held doors open for you and even shared his drinks with you. In the back of your mind you knew it it wasn’t real but a small part of you always thought they weren’t. Especially when he had bared so many of his secrets to you, a total stranger.

He had told you the reason he wasn’t his parents first choice to be the next CEO, on why he was sent to America to study while Jaemin quickly took his spot and became the favorite child. At the end of highschool he was pushed into studying law which is how he found himself twisted into a life that he didn’t ask for. You didn’t want to ask explanations, after all you weren’t more than the fake girlfriend. According to what Jaehyun said he found himself in the wrong crowd, doing the things at the wrong time and the wrong place. Social media made nothing better of the situation and once the press got hold of it they went wild. Once his parents found out there was nothing he could do but either go on his own will or be exiled from his own family. At that moment you knew he was the way he was, he didn’t have a hard life but he had terrible experiences that you barely knew about.

Getting out of the car, Jaehyun made his way towards you and took your hand once again. His grip was no longer as harsh as it was back at the polo field but it still felt distant and you could only feel your nerves get more shaky as you both walked into his apartment. “Jaemin’s photoshoot cover comes out next month, don’t worry only about two months or so of being with me so you can run back to Johnny,” Jaehyun said as he dropped his keys on the small coffee table in the middle of his living room.

“Jae,” you pleaded as you followed him into the kitchen, he was reaching for a clean glass as he turned to look at you and sighed.

“You want to know why I picked you out of all the girls I could’ve had anyone, but you want to know why you?” there was a small sarcastic sigh that made his way out of his lips as he turned towards you. His shirt was no longer tucked inside his white pants as he made his way up to you. “I was a regular guy in highschool who was on the A list trying to make good grades in order to inherit one of the biggest companies in our society. Meanwhile you were in love with a senior who had no idea you existed as more than just a friend. You only knew I existed until I took Rose from Johnny, I was the bad guy of the story. The player as I know lots of girls in our grade would say but did you see that? Of course not, you went along with the rumors,”

There was a slight pause as he turned to look at the sink and then back at you, he was about to spill everything to you and all you could do is bite down on your lip nervously. “You were too far up Johnny’s ass to notice anyone else and here I was, willing to take one for the team and let you be happy. That’s why I dated Rose, just so you could be happy with Johnny which never happened so I was with her for nothing. Just another stupid sixteen year old boy giving up his happiness so his crush could get the guy she wanted,”

Inside your head there were a million thoughts going through your mind, one of which was with Jaehyun in particular only back when the both of you were still in high school he went by Yoonoh. That’s why things never clicked inside your head, you looked back at the man in front of you and then to the nearest spot where you could sit. Sitting down you could only cover your face with your hands despite feeling his eyes trace every single move you made.

“I took Rose from Johnny so he could see the gift he had in front of him yet he only noticed you when you were taken from him. Everyone in our year thought the both of you were dating until they asked him and he denied it. I know taking Rose from him sent him into a wild ride of partying and going against whatever his parents said, which I can relate to but,” with a shrug he pulled off his shirt and started walking back towards his bedroom, “I picked you because even if it was fake for you, everything I did for you was real to me.”

    Arriving at JFK, you wrapped the faux fur coat around your body tighter sighing at the cold New York weather. Although you hated the weather you loved the thrill of Fashion Week, there was always a buzz in the air and you could only try to hold back your excitement. On the other hand you were very glad that you were out of town, no Jaehyun to worry about, no Johnny to look after, and most importantly no drama. The only drama you had to live with at the moment was trying to survive the show without twisting your ankle as you walked down the runway.

Mark walked with you into the dark SUV that was picking the both of you to take you to your apartment for the week. “Have you talked to either of them?” Mark asked as the both of you dropped your carry on the floor beside your feet while turning to see each other.

There was a nervous laughter that ended far too quickly for it to be genuine, “Does it look like I have?” pulling out your phone you glanced through instagram, liking a few pictures of your model friends mentioning they were on their way to New York for fashion week.

“Wait, so you mean to tell me, you ran away from Jaehyun’s apartment after he pretty much confessed he had feelings for you still?”

“You put it in such bad words, it makes me seem like a terrible person,” you mumbled as you looked back at your brother who had his arms crossed over his chest. There was a serious look on his face and you couldn’t help but to think of a concentrated baby lion ready to pounce, “But, I guess yeah.”

“I can’t believe you, but you know Johnny is coming with Rose to see the Yeezy show on Thursday right?”

At the mention of Rose’s name you could only blink in surprise, turning to look over at Mark but he was already invested in his phone. “With Rose?”

“Yeah, from what he told me before we left she hit him up last weekend, asked him if he was going so they’re coming down together I guess. I thought Doyoung was coming with him but I guess not.” Mark said as he adjusted the neck pillow around his neck and let his eyes fall shut, the neither of you wanting to bring up the subject again.

“Right.”

  The clothes you had sent in weeks prior to your arrival were neatly set into racks across the room in which you were staying. You were in the middle of picking outfits as your phone started going off, it was the ringtone you had set for Jaehyun. There was a small sense of guilt but also a tingling at the pit of your stomach that you knew were not butterflies, most likely that burrito you ate from Chipotle. Sighing you looked at the screen, quickly reading the text message from your boyfriend.

  [6.29 pm] jae: hey, i know you probably don’t want to talk to me but have fun in ny. i hope you arrived well and i’m sure you’re going to do great in your shows, i truly do wish you the best.

  There was a smile that crept over your lips as you read the message a couple of times before laying back on the floor. After the third fake date in which the both of you went to watch Venom, you remembered you had asked him why he was so formal on text to which he replied he didn’t know how to talk to you which is why he was that formal. Since then your conversations with him were more carefree and you had changed his contact name to just jae. Biting down on your lip you read the message again before typing back a quick text and hitting the small blue button to send.

  [6.34 pm] you: it’s fine, but thank you.

[6.35 pm] jae: no problem, i know you’re gonna kill that runway.

  The three grey dots appeared on your screen and quickly disappeared, he was writing more than what he had sent which made you frown but that quickly changed when you received the following message.

  [6.39 pm] jae: also, i wanted to ask you before i show up if it would be okay if i go? it would be good publicity you know for jaemin and stuff…

[6.40 pm] you: sounds good to me.

[6.42 pm] jae: cool, could you open the door?

  Furrowing your eyebrows you looked down at your phone and then through the open door in your room. You walked down the hallway and into the small living room that opened into the kitchen to find Mark. His headphones were in his ears and dancing along to his music while he made a sandwich. He didn’t even notice you until you stood in front of the small island that was in the middle of the kitchen. “What? I’m still a kid in development,”

“I didn’t say anything Markus, but hey, has the door rung or anything right?

“Uh no?” Mark gave you a look of confusion as you walked towards the door and leaned up on your tiptoes to look over the small hole on the door. You could only see someone’s back to which you pulled out your phone again to see the message from Jaehyun. Pulling the door open the person turned and there he was, Jung Jaehyun. There was a lump in your throat that you had barely noticed until you finally swallowed it down which made him give you a tiny smile from the corner of his lips.

  “Hey,”

“Hi,” you could only say that in return, a part of you was surprised but the other part of you wanted to run and hide from whatever feeling you were feeling now. Your eyes took in the man in front of you, the circles under his eyes were a bit darker than usual and his hair was dyed a purpley grey color which somehow fitted him nicely. He also looked a bit thinner than the last time you saw him which was about three weeks ago, but of course in order to keep your relationship believable you kept posting pictures of the two of you as constantly as possible on instagram. “I didn’t expect you to be here so soon,”

There was a small chuckle that came from his lips, although his eyes didn’t meet yours but instead they were focused on the floor. “I wanted to send flowers ahead but you’re not into the whole romantic vibe so instead I shot my shot through text,” he said as he looked back to you, with a shy smile over his lips.

“I have to say it worked then,” you quickly answered back which only made his smile grow bigger. There was not many times Jaehyun smiled, especially not for the press so you could only count this as a win even if it was only the two of you.

“Did it?”

“I think so.”

    Backstage was hectic, there were at least 6 makeup artists running from model to model fixing their last minute errors. You loved the rush it brought to you but at the same time there was a feeling of nervousness running throughout your body. Mark was changing into another outfit due to the hair stylist dropping hair gel on his white shirt. Virgil was walking up and down the line of models making sure everyone was okay before entering the runway. A small deep breath made its way through your lips and soon enough you began walking into the room that was your runway.

While walking you remembered to keep your head up and eyes forward, to keep your ‘resting bitch face’ on, and most importantly not to stumble as you moved. Your eyes were glued to the spot in front of you but from the corner of your eyes could still catch the phones and cameras flashing from besides you as you walked. You took notice of Jaehyun who was sitting down at the front row towards the middle of the runway with his phone in one hand recording everything while his eyes were locked on only you. The denim dress you wore fit on you like a glove but it was quickly swapped with a pair of white pants and a denim trench coat that went down to your knees. Your own feet moved on their own accord that you had forgotten was there in the first place. This side was confident, uncaring towards the world around you and you loved it, you were a rebel here.

  The rest of the day was a blur, you remember pictures being taken of you with the rest of the models, Mark laughing so loud everyone turned to look at him, Virgil popping open a bottle of expensive champagne and handing everyone glasses, oh and also Jaehyun helping you into the car on the way back to your temporary apartment. At that point you were tipsy but not fully drunk, you knew where your were but there was a slight fuzz around your surroundings. Helping you out of the car once it had stopped, Jaehyun’s hand stayed on your hip until the both of you had reached the front door.

“So, I think this is where I leave you,” Jaehyun said as you opened the front door. There was a look in his eyes you couldn’t recall seeing before but you just shrugged it off before stepping in.

“Why don’t you just stay, Mark isn’t gonna be back until the middle of the night most likely. Specially since Lucas was walking alongside us, he’s a party boy and drags Mark to wild places..” you shuddered at the thought of another of Lucas’ party’s they were just a little too much for your liking.

Jaehyun chuckled and shrugged as he walked up to you, holding the door for you to enter. A smile made its way to your lips as you walked inside leaning beside the couch to take off your heels. Unclasping the buckle you threw the shoe somewhere on the floor, although before you could make your way to take off the other one Jaehyun was already helping you with the other shoe.  

“You know, these shoes are worth a lot more than what you think and yet here you are throwing them like they are a only twenty bucks,” a smile peaked through his lips as he set the shoe down next to you and stood back up. “C’mon, I’ll tuck you in before I go,”

Stretching out his hand Jaehyun took your hand in his, his thumb slowly stroking your hand as you both walked towards your bedroom. There was a billion questions that you wanted to ask but none of them could come out, it was as if your tongue was a tangled into a bunch of knots and you had no idea how to get rid of them. Jaehyun laid in your bed as you took your time changing out of the designer clothes. You knew you had to return them but you weren’t too worried about it as you slipped into your comfy shorts and an oversized pastel Gucci t-shirt. There was shuffling coming from your room but you decided to ignore it as you washed the makeup off your face. After layers of skin care were applied to your skin you walked back to find Jaehyun looking out the long window.

“You know, I wish we could stay like this. No fighting, no problems, just us enjoying our lives without caring for the rest of the people,” sighing Jaehyun turned to you. You hand your hands behind your back as you looked at him with worried eyes. There was bags under his eyes and you could only walk towards him and let your hands your his face. Your thumbs caressed his cheeks, softly moved under his eyes and then slowly traced over his lips. “I want us,”

Jaehyun’s hands went to grab yours and you could only let out a small gasp, over both the motion and his words, “Do you mean that?” Your voice came out as a whisper as you turned to him. If you lifted yourself up on your tippy toes, your lips would align and that single thought made your cheeks burn.

A pair of lips were pressed against your own in a matter of seconds and your could only stand still. Jaehyun was kissing you, of course, he had kissed you plenty of times but nothing like this. There were always meaningless, nothing more than the agreement you had taken in order to save Johnny. Although now Johnny was the least person in your mind, all you could think about was Jaehyun. Your lips began to move against him and it felt as if they were made for one another. His lips were chapped and tasted of that peach lip balm he insisted on getting shipped all the way from Japan.

  “I don’t get it Jung, there’s plenty of lip balms in the grocery store why do you want this one?” You asked as you sat in front of him while he typed away in his office. Jaehyun was in his work clothes and was trying to eat his turkey sandwich you had made him while trying to type on his desktop.

“It smells nice like vanilla and peaches, leave me alone, I like that kind but they only sell it in Japan,” he said as he swallowed his food and reached for the empty balm container from your hand. “I got it last time I was there on business with my father, we got there just in time to see the cherry blooms it was a really such beautiful sight,”

Jaehyun looked at the balm and then at you, there was a faint red color in his ears. You had manage to figure out that came from when he felt shy or embarrassed around you. A soft smile creeped over your lips and you leaned into further in, your elbows resting on the desk with your face in your hands, “I’ve never been to Japan.”

“I guess I gotta take you there next, huh?”

  The memory floated in your mind as you pulled away from the kiss, your hands gripping on to the front of his shirt. His hands weighted softly on your hips as your eyes nervously met his, the height difference was seriously making you feel a lot smaller than you knew you were. Jaehyun’s hands moved from your hips to hold you closely with his hands to your back, it was a soft gesture but it felt intimate for some reason. Mentally you weighed the pros and cons of your current situation, but soon enough you threw everything out of the window and leaned up to press your lips back against Jaehyun’s. You felt him smile as your lips moved against his, there was a tingle of excitement fluttering through your bloodstream and all you could think was of the man in front of you.

Jaehyun moved his hands slowly back down until they reached the middle of your thighs, softly squeezing them telling you to jump. The flutter in your stomach was something you never felt before and all you could do was follow instructions, moving your legs around his waist as he carried you towards the bed. There was kisses pressed to your lips, your jaw and neck but all you could feel was the beat of your heart that rang through your ears. You knew there was no way Jaehyun hadn’t heard it yet. His hands held you firmly while yours cupped his face as you turned him to look at you. Now that he was fully himself in front of you it took you a moment to breath in all of his features. His cheeks that had slimmed down a bit since you saw him but were still round and you knew behind they hid his precious dimples. That gorgeous smile that seemed to blind you everytime he would grin at your sarcasm, his laugh whenever you spilled too much of Mark’s stupid ideas to him. His eyes had small lines of where they would crease when he would smile too hard and you thought it was beautiful.

“You have no idea how much I dreamed of this,” you felt Jaehyun whisper against your skin, making your lips break out into a goofy grin. As Jaehyun set you down and your hands reached over to grab him by his shirt, pulling back from you only to take it off. The sight of the shirtless man in front of you could only make a blush cover your cheeks.

There was a soft smile that lingered over Jaehyun’s lips when he leaned down to press a gentle kiss over your lips. “How much then?” you asked as your hands moved down his chest until they reached his hips.

“So much I thought I’d burst when I first kissed you on our second fake date,” he let out a small chuckle as he glanced back at you, his ears were a soft red color that looked almost pink. Bringing your hand up and pushing his hair off his face you could only grin at his confession, who would have thought Jung Jaehyun was such a softie?

It was the middle of the day when your phone buzzed letting you know you had gotten a new message. Bringing your hands up to your eyes and rubbing out the eyes you tried to focus on your surroundings. The light shining through your windows said that it was no longer morning, more like midday and you could only sigh. Sitting up you reached over for your phone and looked at the message on your screen.

  [1.27 pm] Jung Jaehyun: I’m picking you up on ten, be ready.

  Groaning you made your way out of bed and into the shower, letting the water wake you up. While you washed your hair you heard a couple of voices coming from outside the bathroom, “Dude, I’m telling you, she just woke up,”

“Well, she’s not asleep. Y/N, if you’re hiding just so you can skip on the date I’ll tell that giant you call friend!” you heard Jaehyun’s muffled voice and you could only sigh as you made your way out of the shower. Wrapping the white fluffy towel around your wet body, you slowly walked back into your bedroom to find Mark trying to pull Jaehyun out of your bedroom.

“There’s no need to Jaehyun,” you said walking past both boys and towards your closet, pulling out a new outfit, “Now, if you don’t mind I need to get dressed. At those words, Mark tugged Jaehyun away letting you to get dressed alone.

Jaehyun held your hand as the both of you walked down the park, his hand was soft and his thumb would brush against your knuckles every other step. The weather nice in contrast of the other days, the sun was shining down on your skin and you could only be grateful you applied sunscreen before leaving your apartment. There was families with their children playing on the playground, ladies jogging past you with their dogs on leashes, even some elderly people sitting on benches enjoying the day.

“I contacted some photographers so they can get some pictures of us being cute on this date,” Jaehyun said as he pulled you towards the edge of the lake. There was a few ducks swimming on the edge with little ducklings trying to follow after them. “If we stay here they’d get good pictures,”

You could only nod along to his comment as he moved a hand around you, his hand lingering on your lower back. It was such a gentle touch you could only relax back into hist ouch as you leaned closer in the man beside you. Pulling out a small bag of birdseed from his pocket, Jaehyun handed you the bag as you threw it carefully towards the ducks who just moved in closer to the both you. A smile spread over your lips and you turned towards Jaehyun who was already looking at you with a fond look in his eyes that only made you blush. Before you could turn away to hide the color in your cheeks, Jaehyun’s hand found its way to your cheek holding you in place as his lips met yours.

For a brief second you closed your eyes and enjoyed the kiss, the way Jaehyun’s lips tasted of the coffee he had sipped at your apartment, the way his lips were still chapped from biting them too much. As you pulled back you made a mental note to tease him about his chapped lips which only made you smile and turn back to the ducks.

  Looking back at the man above you, there was only one thought that kept running through your mind. Jaehyun. On the other hand you should be thinking about how his hands were under your shirt, his fingertips rough and slightly cold against your skin which only made goosebumps run along your thighs. “May I?” Jaehyun whispered as he pushed the shirt up to reveal your grey cotton panties. At the moment you mentally smacked yourself, you were looking like a model less than 5 hours ago yet here you are in the most boring panties in front of the guy who you were about to have sex with. “Stop over thinking it, I can hear the gears moving inside your head. We can stop and cuddle if you’d like,”

“No, that’s not it,” you groaned and pulled your shirt off to reveal your naked torso for him, blushing slightly and bringing your hands to cover your chest slightly. “I just picked the most boring panties for this occasion,”

A soft laugh could be heard from Jaehyun’s lips as he leaned down to press a kiss to your shoulder, “Well, I think they’re perfect regardless.” There was a reassuring smile on his lips as he leaned up to look as you before taking your hands into his, the soft breeze of the moment made your nipples harden which only made Jaehyun swallow. His eyes were no longer the soft brown they always were, they were now a richer dark brown that almost looked black that kind of intimidated you.

  Before you could do anything Jaehyun’s lips were on the skin between your breasts, pressing gentle kisses down the middle of your torso towards the edge of your panties. They left a trail of wet kisses as they made their way back up towards your breasts. His lips pressed against one of your nipples while his hand was brought up to the other, gently pinching your nipple at the same time his lips latched onto the other. The swirl of his tongue only made you want to clench your thighs together although he was in the way of you being able to do that. There was a feeling of heat throughout your body as if your skin was on fire as Jaehyun’s lips danced along your skin. By the end of the night you were a mess of moans and whimpers, there was small bruises scattering your skin. Some were across your chest while others were at such intimate spots you couldn’t even see unless you were bared to the world, not that it would happen in general but it was nice to point out. With your head resting on Jaehyun’s chest while his fingers moved through your hair, taking out any knots that might have formed from the previous activities, you slowly drifted to sleep. Your mind only thinking over the man who was with you and not caring about the rest of the world.

[maravillamin]

🎶 Once in a Blue Moon 

part 29 x are you stupid? - Masterlist

a/n: Surprise, surprise! so jungkook’s companion is rather hairy hehe. (first written part so I’m not really sure what I'm doing; please ignore any possible grammar mistakes, thank you)

“Hi Jungkook” She says as she walks into the kitchen, startling Jungkook who drops the spoon  “oh, hello nonna”

“Nonna? i thought we dropped the honorifics a while ago kookie” he just chuckles and shrugs as he picks up the spoon

“how have you been? i feel like its been ages since the last time we talked” he says as he rests his hands on top of the counter

“yeah” not because of me though, she thinks “I’ve been fine… what about you? how was Busan?” you didn’t even say goodbye.

“yeah, sorry for not saying bye, it was a last minute call” he says while scratching the back of his neck “My brother’s wife was in labor so I went to meet my nephew… and my mom insisted on me staying for a while so…”

“Oh your brother-”

“yep, I’m not the youngest jeon anymore”

“not the youngest but the silliest for sure” he chuckles briefly until haelyn adds “why didn’t you answer my texts, though?”

For the first time since Haelyn entered the kitchen, they make eye contact.

“Well… in the rush, I forgot my phone here actually, just got it back so haven’t really checked my messages” he takes the phone out of his pocket and shows Haelyn his notifications. 420 unread messages, 34 lost calls from lyn 🤟🏼🧡, new Instagram post from superlyn. “yesterday I messaged taehyung from my brother’s phone so…”

She really tries to ignore the fact that he has her contact saved with a heart, or that he has her instagram notifications on.

“sorry for worrying you, nerd” he puts the phone down on the table and looks at her “…anything interesting happened while i was gone?” ‘are you and jimin still thing’ he wanted to add.

“yeah actually, that’s why i called you” she pauses “34 times is it? well whatever, what you need to know is that… you’re now talking to a Hope entertainment’s trainee”

“WHAT? YOU GUYS DID IT? I DONT KNOW WHY IM SO SURPRISED I KNEW YOU WOULD GET IT” he says (or more like shouts) giving her a bright smile that has her melting on the inside

“come here! let me hug the future worldwide rockstar” and just like that haelyn is trapped between his arms “so i guess you guys are already are working on something right?” she just nod against his shoulder “remember to sleep enough, at least 6 hours everyday, and eating is important too! and dont overwork yourself okay?… jimin-hyung used to-…”

he doesn’t finish his sentence and slowly untangles his arms from her, taking a step back “umm so how are guys doing? are you two officially dating now?” he asks trying to sound nonchalant without staring at her and she just chuckles “why are you laughing?”

“nothing” I’m laughing at my terrible life choices ”and no kook, Jimin and I are not dating, we are just friends”

“but when I left you guys were so into each other” the eye-roll doesn’t go unnoticed by her, who again chuckles “seriously, why are you laughing? do I have something on my face?”

“I’m not laughing at you, dumbass" 

"Wow, I can’t believe I actually missed your insults” again, he looks at her with the brightest smile.

Haelyn feels like her chest is going to explode if she doesn’t say something soon. this is it, Haelyn thinks. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to confess. Yes. On the count of three. One…uno…han… two…dos-

“Haelyn are you even listening to me?” he says while shaking a hand in front of her face but she doesn’t answer "why are you suddenly so quiet, what’s wrong nerd?”

“what? no, I’m fine it was just the alcohol jung-” he hold her shoulders and she stops talking, staring right into his eyes “lyn, you are acting weird”

“Kook, its been just a month you can’t have forgotten that I’m like this all the time” she says trying to release the tension growing in her stomach “and y'know what? you haven’t hugged me since you arrived… apparently, I’m being replaced by a dog" 

"I hugged you like three minutes ago!” he complains “but since you are begging for it, come here” he says pulling Haelyn into another warm hug. 

“You should know that Bob would never replaced you, nerd” that would have been nice but…

“are you really naming your dog Bob?”

“excuse me? what’s wrong with-”

“OH Fucking finally!” a voice says at her back, making Haelyn break the hug and turn around to see Kim Taehyung pouring juice in a glass “I’m so glad you told him already, because honestly, i was pretty close of telling him you are in love with him over the phone last night and- and why are you staring me like that haelyn-ah?”

While she’s mentally plotting ways to murder Taehyung, the other boy in the room, slightly confused, asks “you- you are in love with me?

[franeridart]

Jack says "ignored YOUR rule". Does that mean it's something Bakugou obligates himself not to have or something non of them can have? I'm actually curious 🤔

It’s actually a rule Bakugou put down for himself for a number of reasons, half related to his own safety and the safety of the person he’s dating, the other half to the fact that Bakugou hates lying, but (again for safety reasons) he can’t just go around telling everyone what he’s doing - he doesn’t want a relationship in which he’d just contantly lie to his partner and ditch them for vigilante work without being able to explain them what’s going on, so he put down the rule as soon as he decided he wanted to do this. Well, he hadn’t been interested in relationships anyway before Kirishima, so it was an easy decision to take at the time - now though...

Ahhhh if only he figured out Kiri and Red are the same person smh that’d make everything so much easier on him

Anon said:When you draw Jiro and Bakugo having platonic hugs and cuddles my bi heart becomes incredibly soft THANK YOUUUUUUU

I’M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT cause honestly that’s as self-indulgent as I go hahaha

Anon said:The vigilante au is so far sad but I could totally see it going in a miraculous ladybug kinda direction. What if they tried putting distance between themselves and suddenly found that they're falling again, for the vigilante forms this time because "oh sh*t he's cute in every way Kirishima is" and "He's just my type too, Bakugou-- *sigh* I could use some moving on from him." Or only Kirishima moves to vigilante!Baku but he remains stuck on kiri..//Or what if like, vigilante! Kiribaku are about to get caught by a hero and Kirishima opens up about his last regret of not getting to see his crush one last time after they set distance between themselves, while Bakugou listens and...

That’s!!!! a lot of ideas you got there hahaha I’m glad you’re having fun with the concept!!!!!!

Anon said:That vigilante au is amazing. You really express emotions well in comics.

AAAAAHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH that!!!! honestly means the world to me *sob*

Anon said:I just want to say you're really cool and I like you art uh- K bye

Thank!!!!!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Oh damn. I think i fall in love for your Vigilantes AU. Please don't stop. I really love it❤️

I mean, as long as you guys are okay with it being a bit all over the place and also being just pencil doodles, then I got no problems doing that right now haha thank you for liking it!!

Anon said:I love your vigilantes AU so much 😍😍😍😍

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:LET THEM BE HAPPY !!!!

THAT’S THE PLAN!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:May I ask how you draw bakugous hair so well?? I just can’t seem to get the right amount of poof (or should I say BOOM💥 )

oHO I’m glad you like it cause actually the answer is I spent two years drawing it nearly daily and I finally sorta reached a place when I guess I’m okay with how I draw it lol some time ago I drew a step by step for it? but by now my process is mostly “do whatever and hope for the best”, which incidently is also my process in drawing Kirishima’s hair lmao

Anon said:Im a bit confused with the vigilante kiri, does he have black hair in his civilian form and red in his hero form?

YEH it’s one of the reasons why Bakugou still hasn’t figured out Red is Kiri haha thought if you’re asking for the logistics of that, I can’t say I spent too long thinking about it? We can always call it temporary hair dye spry or something like that, but to be fair it’s not like it matters all that much lmao I just needed Baku to be unable to tell it was him easily haha

Anon said:I love ur gem Au! :D are you gonna make more? Its okay if not :)

As I’ve said literally every single time I’ve answered asks since I posted it, MAYBE yes! The thing about that AU is that I love it and I have fun with it, but posting it ended up being the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, so honestly I don’t know when I’m gonna draw it if I’ll draw it, but the possibility is there

Anon said:Hello! I just wanted to say I have love reading your comics and your art is amazing-- but I especially love your vigilantes AU! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!!!

HECK thank you!!!! I’m so happy you’re enjoying it ;O;

Anon said:Why must you hurt us? I started crying at that vigilante au comic..

*passes u a blanket* I’ll try not to make it as sad in the future!

Anon said:Hi! I've purchased the take my hand book about a month ago, just wondering how long it takes for it to be delivered??? BTW I live in NZ so I understand if it takes a while~

Heck sorry anon but I’m so not good with dates, you should check the @takemyhandzine blog for that sorta stuff! Thank you so much for buying it tho!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Is Nico a cinnamon roll or a sinnamon roll?

That......... depends a lot on who you ask :0

Anon said:I love bnha more and more with every new character out. All that's left is to ask, which minor character is currently your favorite? (***That isn't from UA because that is a much bigger dilemma)

oUCH it would have been easier picking from UA actually since I’m pretty sure Amajiki is it hahaha well, if I can’t pick from UA...................... you know what, probably Shishikura

Anon said:Bakujiro friendship is something I didn’t know I NEEDED. U do good work bro

I’M SO GLAD YOU CAN GET BEHIND THAT!!!!!

Anon said:Your art gives me life!!! Every time you post is just so unique in every way :00000 ❤️ anyway i just wanted to let you know that you’re inspiring in every way and that I absolutely adore your kiribaku art to the moon and back!!!

SOB thank you so much???? You’re so sweet!!!! ;O;

Anon said:FRAN!!! YOUR LATEST KIRIBAKU ART KILLED ME (in a good way) HONESTLY YOU IMPROVED SO MUCH SINCE I FIRST STARTED FOLLOWING YOU, IT MOTIVATES ME TO KEEP DRAWING!! THANK YOU

HELL ANON THANK YOU SO MUCH I’M SO GLAD MY FUMBLING AROUND IN THE ART WORLD IS INSPIRING FOR YOU ???? LET’S BOTH KEEP DOING OUR BEST!!!!!

Anon said:fran you could convince me to ship anything with one (1) drawing

Since I got this ask I’ve been trying to find the most outrageous ship just to draw it and test this theory.......... I still haven’t found something outrageous enough but.... soon

Anon said:Hi your art is amazing also beautiful As you probably might know there is a traitor in the show, if you didn't know well then im sorry for spoiling. May I request a traitor kirishima

nnnnnnnggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry anon but the traitor theory arts are stuff I just can’t get behind, mostly so if it’s my fav characters - I don’t find it credible and I don’t find any joy in dwelling in the idea, so I got zero motivation to draw for it orz

Anon said:I can't believe you made me read the phrase "startle and explosion out of baku". (Yay for the vigilantes AU!)

LMAO he’s actually trying to do just that tho, maybe I’ll draw it hahaha

Anon said:Please! I need more BakuKiriKami fan art! I’m gunna die without it!

Anon I’m gonna be very real with you here my first reaction to reading this ask was thinking “then perish”

Anon said:Hello! I don't know if you've gotten this question before but have you ever considered drawing the villains?

I’ve drawn Dabi and Twice in the past! I’m not really much intereste in any other villain atm tho so I doubt I’m gonna be drawing them any time soon ^^’’

Anon said:You are by far my favorite artist. Your Kiribaku gives life to my bleak exsistence. Thank you. I bought some of your things of redbubble to make me happy!

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Hello! I'm a big fan of your work and your kiribaku fluff especially, and I've been working on a (not so innocent) fic about Bakugou having burnt marshmallow smelling and tasting sweat, (funny how nitroglycerin is a natural lubricant, tastes and smells like burnt sugar, and is explosive) just wanted to know if you ever thought about it? also wanted to know if you'd like to read my finished fic, should be done real soon and it would mean a lot to know what you think about it!

Anon I’m so sorry but I really can’t say yes to this - especially because you said it means a lot to you, you’re putting me in a spot here where in case I didn’t like it I wouldn’t be able to tell you so anyway (and I generally don’t like talking about fancontent I don’t give a 10/10 to anyway, it’s too rude for me) and I’m sure it’s gonna be a great fic! But by the way you talked about it it’s gonna be a nsfw fic and I really rarely like those fics, so !!! orz I’m sorry, but this is a really uncomfortable request for me ;;;

Anon said:Can I use your art real quick if I hard out credit u? It's alright if I can't

Nope, sorry

Anon said:Could you draw another doodle of Setsuna?. I love how you draw her jfvdkd ;;v;; (Sorry if my English is trash.)

Not right now, but in the future yeah sure, I love her!

Anon said:Your Kirishima is so beautiful i fucking cry omg ;-; thank you for brightening my morning.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; thank you for liking how I draw him !!!!

Anon said:💛💛💛💛 Thank you for sharing your art, it always makes my day

Thank YOU for liking it!!!!!

Anon said:In your SU AU what if a gem offers to replace Kiri with a 'newer, better pearl'? How would Bakugo react?

Actually, Kiri was given to Bakugou specifically because he’s sorta defective, it was punishment for both of them that sorta backfired lmao 

Anon said:hi there! I'm new to your blog and I love your art style immensely! I saw somewhere with your latest seroroki post that you're still finding your main todoship; I hope I dont sound rude or pushy, but can I ask your opinions about todo*aku and/or tod*kir*baku? If not, thank you for your time! Keep up the great work!!

Still not completely sold on romantic tdbk tbh (platonic tho, that’s my jam) but I’ve been real into the ot3 lately!!! It just can’t be my main todo ship bc I still prefer krbk too much over it haha

Anon said:I loveeee your art, especially your kiribaku stuff! But consider! Size difference! What if Kirishima grows a lot but our lil' Baku doesn't? Does he get jealous or does he really like it? There'd be some epic hugs/kisses! What if he secretly loves getting picked up by Kirishima? XD

Oh that’s an hc I see around a lot! Personally I stil prefer them sorta the same size tho ???? with the only difference being Baku being lithe and Kiri being a tank, I think it has to do with the whole “complementary equals” theme they have going on, I like for it to be visually represented too ??? maybe, I had never really thought about the hows or whys of this preference tbh lmao

Anon said:Hey so I'm not up to date with BNHA but in your asks there was a thing about dragon boy having a zombie costume? I had another look at what I think is the right doodle and to me it looks like a Chinese vampire costume! (unless that's not the one you guys were talking about oops)

Nope that’s him, and you’re right!!! Either way my boy still hasn’t done anything worth of note, so I still don’t know why he’s dressed like that orz Hori plssss

[bholesweatpuddle]

Dating Advice – Suggestions to Follow When Using On-line Dating Sites

Online dating sites Suggestions: The Big problem

Once you respond to an advertising, posted by a female, youhave that you are not the only one. Its more probable that you r the 35-th person that is writing to her Id like to produce a suggestion. Right here, right now, log on to the web and register yourself at match. com section as a lady (about 23 y/o, nice and slim).

End up being sure that you use an e-mail which is not valuable for you – getting a new free one for the purpose is a good idea.

This specific is will be a smaller research. After a few days youll find out 2 things:

their cool to be a lady in the WEB 🙂

the approximate amount of folks you are rivalling with.

Something more important – youll have the idea about what are the other guys writing about. This is valuable information.

Dont hesitate and stay determined if you get 45 emails the first day from all sorts of guys willing to be on a date with you.

Unwell inform you how to make women think you vary from them.

Online Online dating Tip 1

The usual error

Well, lets suppose oughout did the experiment that I suggested. I gamble youll find a few a bunch of variations of these:

Hi! My name is Bob. Im 2x/3x/4x y/o. I are now living in PutTheName Town. Im (body measures&eye-hair coloring follows). I work at a ImagineSomeBusiness Company. I actually like doing (this may differ a lot). We might give it a shot if u ur interested 😉 Bob

This specific sounds pathetic, doesnt it?

Bob is wasting his time.

Of course ~ he has his very own chances.

If his job or hobby matches the ladys ones, hell probably to have answer. If also the girl is posting an advertising for the first time, and Bob is the first one to answer, again hell probably get a reply.

Take notice of the phrase first. 1 is the loneliest number

Where is he mistaking.

Bob might be a cool person, but he shows practically nothing of it.

What he or she does is a simple announcing of facts. His / her personality remains covered. Since I said, he could be a good psychiatrist, witty, emotional and knowledgeable – whole few features that women consider valuable.

But if all this remains hidden behind these plain body/work/hobby facts, their quite easy for a lady to decide that nothing of it is available With other words ~ Bob is wasting his valuable online time. Since I said, only the fact-match remains something that can hook a female.

This is something very thin to rely on

Online Dating Tip 2

Therefore , what to do?

The answer is simple – you have to put some personality in your e-mail.

Once you do this, you can make certain that you can leave an impression. When you have the ability to do this, your work is done.

Remember the features I actually was talking aboutpsychologist, amusing, emotional and educated. An individual have to convince the lady that you can think, have sense of humour and you also havent overlooked the classes at institution.

Make her laugh, make her think; dont disrupt her with spelling faults and your chances to get a reply increase dramatically. It doesnt make a difference if the lady is educated delete word – the lady wants one to be such. Let me say a few words about each one of these features

Be a psychologist!

On-line Dating Tip 3

Once you e-mail a lady you have to show yourself as a psychologist.

Properly, how are you intended to this? Simple – actually need a smaller prediction that arrives to be true.

1st you have to read the ladys ad and gather all the valuable information.

Try to understand what is the appropriate inspiration for her to post an ad. It might be explained directly : than it is ineffective so that you can mention it.

In case she does not say it clear, then do it now – shell be pleased to hear that someone knows her. One thing that you can always use is the fact that quite a lot of men and women write something similar to the advertisement that I showed you above.

You can forecast that the lady is probably already tired of advertisements, telling about heights, weight and eyecolour. Say that you wont bother the girl with useless facts. Guarantee to send her a picture instead in certain of your following letters.

Of course – do it if she replies. If you find a way to make such a working prediction, this will convince the lady that the space between your ear is not filled with air. You know, although you may are not quite right, she might reply to inform where you are incorrect. This is also a base for conversation. Utilize it. Be witty!

Showing some sense of humour – well, something that is difficult to achieve sometimes. What I can say is JOKE WITH YOURSELF, NOT WITH HER! KEEP IN MIND THAT! Dont use any of the info that she gives as a material for jokes!

It may work, but its more likely that you back again the lady off. Attempt to get her point of view – covering say Who the hell is he to speak like this?! Dont risk! In the same time, you can always make laugh from the way you look. Make use of phrases enjoy it could be damn worse or We dont cover the showcases with sheets at my place when referring to your appearance.

Its a simple thing to show that you like yourself. If you dont, well this is a little bit significantly from the main topics this article, but do an attempt not to show it (and constantly work to change this).

Its a basic statement that you have first to like and love the person that you see in the mirror in order the others to like and love you. Back to humour -keep the lines that are supposed to make her laugh unexpected and short.

Online Dating Tip 3

Telling long stories with funny finish is not a very good idea – the finish might not be that funny and the whole reading may be in vain. Coming up with a witty line at the moment of writing an e-mail is not always possible.

Its a good idea always to keep your ears opened for funny things, quotes, etc. Write them down the moment you hear them, or when they come to your mind.

[someonesaidtrytoblog-blog]

Someone said try to blog.

Okay, So every once in a while I think about making an attempt at explaining a little bit of how my mind works. Obviously this could be a book. And I will see how much I can type, or how I feel about doing so. But lets just start somewhere around my lack of social skills, but lack there of. So, an overview. Basically two main killers on my lack of social skills. The first, I dont care for small talk or fake people. I will not judge you until you do something that violates even the smallest of my morals. So I would say possibly critical there. Blame the Virgo sun sign, and the Virgo in mercury, Virgos ruling planet, the planet of thought. Back to the topic. Thats the first reason. The second, I do not trust anyone with my complete feelings. I will be as honest as the most honest, combined with my natural tone of voice, unfortunatly results in the reaction of a snowflake commonly. Now, lets actually start with the second one since its on the mind. I have been in thought for a long while but have determined that the main root of me not trusting people with my feelings in life is that I have always felt like my feelings never really mattered. Now repetetivly, I was temporarily blinded and have been fooled that my feelings did matter but then shortly after that, I am reminded at how they really dont matter. In my opinion, to have someone invalidate your feelings, is something that can not be recovered from. The moment someone makes me feel like my opinion does not hold matter equal to their own my first thought is that if this person, thinks something so simple as opinion, is so important it must be displayed or even felt in any manner , that theirs is superior is not someone I shall share personal feelings with. This has happened over and over again. The wall of china has been built and breached. But the breached areas are being repaired. On a side note, if this just stays here forever. I do appreciate and apologize to the people who have reached out and I have not held up to the my end of the bargain. I have tried not to complain because some people have reached out. But for some reason the bond we have is not necessarily a deeper connection like the only one I currently pursue. That has nothing to do with how I feel about the friendship we have. We just vibe a different way. Back to the first one. Small talk and fake people. Let me explain a frustration with relations. I wont approach a woman, never know when you may catch them at the wrong time. I will say good morning on the way home from work , when I stop at the gas station, on my morning routine. To any person eye contact is made. But thats about it. If I get a second opportunity and can think of a line on just one main thing. I have to be able to relate something from tone or emotion of a room to an object or happening, to something intelligent or factual that I posses in my mind. Which I fill with the most random of facts. But anyway. Even when I get the opportunity, to just be loved. Which is all I wish for really. I will need to be attracted to you. As well as be able to relate in common morals. I will also need to be able to live up to your sexual desires. If you can not do that, I believe that in this world , you need to let that woman go. In a world with so many people if she is not being sexually satisfied to be honest, if shes not being honest with herself eventually she will be and if she can not fight her natural desires then it wont end well. What I mean bro is if your girl wants you to tie her up and spank her and pull her hair a little bit because the small amount of pain, and change in position, bring to her more pleasure. Get the fuck on , boy. Again anyway, I like to ramble a bit. Some people enjoy my opinions. And I dont really tell them to anyone. All this shall remain anonymous, But I will put a signature. Reason for it is, I already have enough haters and its easier to ignore them if they dont know who you are. Again though I do respect your opiniom on whatever it may be, doesnt mean my actions may seem so sometimes. I can agree. Again, even through the repeated grammar mistakes. Which I just dont care enough to sit and debate it if its not natural, resulting in run on sentences. Even my ramble should tell you a little about my brain. And maybe even the excitement to finally get some of these things out. So If I do post this I hope someone enjoys it. Remember this could have several chapters. So in question was the statement from the first paragraph, " But lets just start somewhere around my lack of social skills, but lack there of. " Note lack there of. And let me go on about this for a minute. So, the thing is when I do get the chance to carry conversation, I am very good at it. For anyone I want to vibe with anyway. I am passionate about certain things in life. From things I enjoy that keep my attention, all the way to the way children should be raised, these are important things to vibe on for me. Battles not wished to be fought down the road, or any other basic moral, Are actually conversations she wants from friends. Honestly straight on a side note, if you have a belief you value as a moral I will always respect that you hold that belief. I say this because you should have been cyritical about forming an opinion you find moral. If you have not then  as open you were to the belief you have, is as open you should be to others. But become critical and make sure you question everything with a logical amount of cause. A start to being open minded. Obviously they believe something for a reason. If you cant prove it , or prove it false, even if in found not logical. When lacking disrespect, there is no need to start any. Back to my original attempt at explanation, the lack of the lack of social skills. Once opportunity for more than a 30 second period pops up and I see any kindness in your eyes, our conversation will begin and end with knowledge. Honestly, women say they love my conversation. But they usually go, see second paragraph for feelings on that. The problem I seem to have, and this is my opinion; When a woman enjoys an intelligent conversation, then each time it occurs in the first few encounters the farther and farther in the friendzone you will finish. Even if you are being intimate with her. In this day and age its unfortunste the small amount of women who seem to exist that actually are attracted to a man who they think they are attracted to. Its like they all have just a piece of what they preach they want from a man. You can literally put in all you got, be as sweet and respectful, as well as satisfying to her, make a decent living, and she will say she loves you. But a rare woman these days doesnt give the good men a chance. Because they are the ones that dont want to risk talking to you, in fear they may only cause more burden on your day, because you seem in a rush, we rather just not bother you with our possibly annoying presense. We just wish everyone a decent day. But back to what I was saying, not enough women want a man who is strong, sensitive and as rough as they require. They would rather suffer mentally, and silently about certain things. Some which end up of matter. Which is unfortunate in most cases. Literally my mentality is this if you show continued interest in our conversation, and end in loving who I am and what I believe in. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Im so down. Just the fact that you love and support me will make me fall for you. But at the first sign of you being un interested in me, by my own standards which are not out of reason, I am out emotionally. Im dipping, to many excuses, you shouldnt have any if you are pursuing that type of conversation. When intent is clear. In example. I send you a text three mornings in a row saying, "good morning" . And you dont respond. I throw one goodnight in those three good mornings somewhere. So four attempts total over atleast three days. And no Response. Do not text me three weeks later talking about how you had a good time and would like to go out again. This was days previous to our first date and we were talking steady all the way up until the date which actually did go well, but anyway. I know you just want some free food and a laugh. Oh and probably some drama free intelligent conversation, all while stuck in her phone anyway. But not for romantic pursuals, Dont forget,  As mentioned previously with what to me seems like the most attractive approach to a good conversation, an intelligent yet entertaining but real conversation about life in all aspects. Actually gets you further into the endzone being the friendzone. And if you done caught feelings, make sure you take proper to rid yourself of them, and when she asks for advice that you cant beleive she has the audacity to ask, either answer in patience or not at all. If you cant handle helping her not be with you, dont try to continue being her friend.Because of her friends she may ask for solutions to get over you, even if not directly. If you end up friendzoned and you move  on. Your best bet is at the first sign of jealousy commited. If you can handle being her friend who knows what may happen in time. She may grow to be attracted to your ability to carry intelligent and meaningful conversation. And the tables will turn. If she does not, then she is already your friend. And you are already okay with that. So go on. Again, caught rambling. I hope someone reads all this. Its long. I Have never read, or typed something so long, honest, and personal. All while completly fucking the grammar. Eventually you will find a woman who loves you even when you are an ass and you should love that woman anyway she needs, because if she didnt love you at some point she would be gone. And if you have even the smallest belief that she loves you, then do what you must to hang on to her. For love is prescious and should be more occuring in its natural state and not on a temporary pallet. Real love is understand that you will not quit on someone who has not quit on you. Percieve quit as you will. To each their own. So like I said I ramble alot here. My apologies. Hope someone enjoyed it.

[astraltraveller]

not an end to all the endings.

so i guess the last time i made a post about this, it was late aug ish. early sept maybe. i remember being crushed after. i remember feeling used because rarely does a guy want to have sex with me and not want to date or try someting. especially when the guy seems like a good guy. and i remember so fondly of the hope that surged the night of. when i got that apology msg and actually felt like maybe there was something there. my heart lept. it surged. it was a rushing and hopeful feeling, the feeling I had rarely exdperieneced from my history of being with someone who didn’t nkow hwo to appreciate me or apologize for their mistakes. itw as such a breath of fresh air and deep down inside i had a feeling that he was going to do a 180. i din’t think he would ask me out to date me, but i knew it would be at least asking for a second chance. and a second chance it was. i remember not expecting to go to a nice place at all. i remember walking agood 15 min to a nice, hipster, refreshing, new start place. I wanted to say that iwanted to go back ot that time but i dont know if i really do. I dont know if anything will change.i rmember tryign ot put off the conversation because i knew what was coming and my heart was saying this is it and my head was saying this is too good to be true. And i had just finished being hurt, i didn’t think there would be a second call. I just didn’t want to deal. When it finally poured out what was really up, intnerally i was jumping for joy because it was even better than waking up from a bad dream. It was as if you turned back time and could change it all. Coming out of a bad dream means just that. It doesnèt affect what actually hpapens. Fror me on that day, something actually changed. Iwas happy. I was grateful. I never felt that way before about a guy being so forward with an apology. it felt so nice. it felt so mature. for a while i believed this was something different. it was like a fresh start. I felt hopeful, I felt liked. I felt like someone made a mistake and was trying to get me back. it was like with soumil but … more raw. without such a big long mistake. it was a short pinch, an injection with an old school vaccine. rough and hard but it’s so fast it really barely has time to make a lasting impression. it doesn’t leave longing. it leaves soreness that feels good, that feels like life experience.it was thrilling. i remember it was suhc a heart to heart. i was quite happy in that moment ot hear, even indirectly, that this person had in fact not meant what they said, that they actually would consider dating me, and that they made a grievous mistake, grievous enough to backtrack and fix it right away. to swallow one’s pride.

I did find it strange shortly after that there was some distance. there was chatting, but i recall it as not quite on the same wavelength. they didn’t show up often. it wasn’t reliable. i would later find out that it was a tooth infection, being sick, and being busy.

bad liars always lie.

I believed him though. i believed it because those things happened. i lamented to amit about it. hwo annoyed i was. how at the coffee shop he had suggested going for lunches and then going to drinks. (never dinner, oddly). to which i always said yes. was always thrilled. was on the defense and never offered first because i had jsut been hurt and was cautious. even initiating of messages was liek that. i was playing this weird game wherei would avoid talking last because i noticed he would always type a message after. i woud also rarely initiate, a what’s up, etc. pictures became less frequent.

a side note. i will talk about this more later but i actually spent most of my train ride today pondering why things ahd changed. wondered if is houd say something. not sure waht to say, so i scrollled through all the messages from the beginning. realize that he talked on an almost daily basis. lots of talking points. long messages. lots of pictures. i don’t know where that went. if anything, wouldn’t your interest be piqued and you feel more comfortale sending them later?  iremember when i went to visit mill in canaidan thanksgiving. i remember awaiting messages. i even played the mute game because i ddint want to know. evenutally i got a reply ot a picture i sent pretty promptly but i didnt ralize til a day later. i was internally a little devastated because i remember that during my interview trip, he had messaged a lot, not only to check in on how i was, but also to send pictures. liek the blender bottle. and stuff from the cottage. and i don’t know why i epxected that to happen again. but even by then things had changed. this was after the coffee. i was thinking to myself, what did i do wrong? where is this clarity? i knew deep down my gut instinct to message him and send one of the few tumblr drafts i had just didn’t come off right. it evolved from

I don’t want to be saying this because you don’t owe me an explanation, but I think it should be noted that the way you’ve been treating me has really been

I didn’t want to say this, but I think it needs to be said because it’s just straight up not respectful.

did i say something wrong? I feel you’ve been quite shunning lately and I’d appreciate if you were more straightforward. i feel really confuse and it’s making me a little uncomfortable

did I say something wrong? I feel shunned and it’s confusing

it doesn’t feel straightforward

did i say or do something wrong? based on how conversational you’ve been, I don’t think I need to tell you why I’m asking

did I say or do something wrong?

I was looking relaly intnetly at the messages to see when mine had been seen. i knew something was up when i looked and saw that he was active and just didn’t view it. and then he saw it, almost an hour later. and that was 10 min after i opened to check. my heart sank. i messed up didn’t I? I said that I do’nt like excuses. but it was prefaced by omething he brought up. and i didn’t talk about his exucses lately. but what i really wanted to say was, care to explain? the day after the hotel, you saw i sent snapchats but didn’t open them for hours. finally oepened it to send a message. nice, but short. a couple of smileys. i then sent a text reply. unread for 4 hours but was active on fb. then i sent a video which got seen quickly. then a reply iwthin 10 min. then i knew by then that the shunning was on so i decided not to engage fully. no smileys, short. no furahter conversation.

with each iteration, I projected less and less blame. partially becuase it sounded caustic. partially because i didn’t think itw asrigiht. mainly because he’s leaving to the new office probably by next week. did i want to leave my last imrpession, with no smeblance of possibly hanging out, as an awkward, hanging-in-the-air immaturity, act of pointing fingers, blamingand blaming, the same way as i had done shortly after the coffee confession (when I said i went too easy on him) and after I scalded him for being a flake? was that the impressi on ireally wanted to leave? any possibility of spending time would be nill. and we’d never see each other by necessity.

i didn’t want to take a shower and give it a thoguht. i wanted to press enter and be done with it. i wanted to tell myself that maybe he would message. maybe he would fall asleep arleady and he just wouldnt see it and id have to stare my message in the face knowing that i couldnt change it. becuase he wouldn’t reply ot it right away. iknow this from experience.

but i did. i took a shower and really thought about it. it became, very quickly, “did i say or do something wrong?” because this was short, curt, a genuine question, not salty, not inflammatory, and not incendiary. it was a genuine short question.he would either answer yes or no.

and then it hit me while i thought about it. do i need to send this message? what will i learn from this that i don’t already know? nothing. i already know everything i need to know. i was just trying not to face it. hojin told me. and it makes perfect sense. if you like a girl, you don’t play gamees like that. and you certainly don’t backtrack 100% and go from snapchatting how im doing and dinners and food and leading to naughtier talk and quick responses to how im feeling, to not sending a single picture except a certificate. to taking 8 hours to open a snap. to open. messages. that takes a special kind of potential to use. it’s the kind where all you just want is to get laid. to satsify the curiosity that i probably had sown by sending my vibes. and a freaking snap story wit hthe blue one. i’ll awlays wonder if that woudl have happened if i had just not sent those. would there still be more of that excitement, that ambiguity? did i give it away too early?

I really enjoyed the time in the hotel. i really enjoyed that night. i was really, much like myself when i had the coffee that time. i was so thrilled that he wanted to have dinner with me and offered the whole takeout thing. it was relaly sweet. he was kind. and oh was he horny. i mean we ate for an hour and talked and … and oddly enough, after the sex iteslf it was so… almost relationship like. it was strange. it was … intimate? i remember things that i won’t say in detail, but esentially the fingering at the movies, the asian pr0n, wanting to fuck me since we really started talking,the kissing at the end as if he couldn’t get enough. and me, in a daze… “see you on monday”.

what was i really thinking? i was giddy. i did notice as well, there was no messaging when he got home or i did. not even a simple one. to ask if i had gotten home safe would be silly, i didn’t leave. but was that not his role? wouldn’t it have been strange of me and extra clingy and oxytocin-highed  to ask if he was home safe?

perhaps it would have been. and perhaps i should be glad i didn’t. i was surprsied to see that i didn’t get any messages from him after my lsat. he didn’t owe me any. but i just didn’t expect that. i thought, surely if he was so intent on having dinner, snapchatting so often, messaging, heavliy flirting.. saying that he should have kissed me the time penney gilbert came by… all the while (not drunk)... surely.. a message? a good luck? a “i hope it’s going well”. nothing relatoinship-y. i mean, clearly i didnt need to say that because i was writing a test taht started well early in the moring, which is why i was in the hotel in the first place. and i didn’t finish till 1. at which point i promptly snapped a picture. and i walked with baited breath and worked half-aware, waiting for that vibrate. waiting that maybe there would be some interest in me, in my work, in my day, in hearing from me. but there was none. not till much, much later taht day. so late in fact, that it was 11pm on saturday night and i was pissed enough t odecide not to open it and wait till morning. i was pretty devastated. had it all crumbled so fast? what did i last tell him before i left? “how is this different from last time?” “because if i didnt have to go, i would stay”. oh really? says who?

I was hurt, yea. I didn’t think that i fell off the radar of being important so quickly. it went from me being “slow” replying in 15min, to him taking 5-8 hours while during awake hours and being clearly active elsewhere.

I chalked it up to being busy. I didn’t want to be insecure. but there was something inside of me that was realizing i was being shunned. it hurt. it was so drastic it was so.. fast. it was so soon. it was so ruthless. it was so deliberate. it was so uncalculated. it was done so easily, like it was clearly his only choice. “why would i do anything else?” it’s like the coffee conversation never happened. it was like the no-words version of “what are we?” “i’m not ready to date”. i thought things were different. not that i expected to date, no that i expected any dramatic proposal… but .. never did i think i’d be shunned. it’s like i got whipped around really quickly and was scrambling for the first explanation.

but when you’re in defense and cautious, you don’t think of pragmatic solutions. you think of comfortable solutions. you think back to the first time we went out after i mentioned how this was a shitty situation. we went to duke’s refresher and bar and it was a good time. we talked about everything, but specifically about christmas market. it was really nice. i had a great time. that’s what makes all this so jarring. i know this is the case because i messaged him first for the snapchat on sat, the vid on sun. and then the facebook link about russia being outted from peyonghcnag on tue,then wendesday about meetings on wednesday. it’s clear. i think i was in denial. and it really didn’t truly hit me until about an hour ago. it was when i raelized, that usuually after good sex and a good connection, i like to replay the situation in my head. i only had one chance to do that while still giddy and no semblance of a change was present. and taht was the 4am morning i woke up on the morning of lsat. i couldn’t sleep after and i rmeember lying between those king bed sheets and thinking that i was so lucky and happy. on the bus ride home, i was tired. i was sad. i didn’t get any messages back. they weren’t even opened, which somehow hurt even more. i didn’t masturbate since that night. I just don’t feel it. it doesn’t make me horny. it makes me sad. it makes me horny only when i feel that the enjoyment is reciprocated, that we’re both equally giddy and excited about what went down. i couldn’t do it though. I haven’t been feeling it. because i know that something didn’t sit right. it didnt’ feel like last week, or any week before that. conversations were short, blunt, cut off by other people without returning, and nothing was initiated.

i think this is the beginning of the end.

it make me sad because we went on proper dates. we went to the christmas market, which was a great time. it’s a romantic, couply place. i like looking at it on instagram, other peple posting pictures fromit, becuase it’s so sweet. Ifeel like part of me won’t be able to handle christmas markets the same. it feels like a sham. i felt something, i felt wanted, enjoyed, shown around, in a pretty romantic, couply, festive, really one of a kind environment. ther’s really nothing like it. the crowds suck but i had lots of laughs , like when i took some poor pictures for some people in front of the christmas tree. like when there was a light tunnel with a heart at the end of it that we were awkwardly dodging. like when we had mulled wine, hot choclate, cider. like when we had a nice walk there and back. and while i write this i just cant help but think, did i do something wrong?

the dinner, c’est what. it was nice. good chats and it turned a turn as usual. blew off other skype calls for me. it was nice one on one time. time just flew by. i really liked it. we chatted about everything. like always. i like talking to him. i like his humor. he said he liked me, and he still does. and i gave him a second chance. and i gave in. and we did it. and this is what i get? i really don’t feel like i deserve this. but what  can i say?i don’t have to ask what it means. i know what it means. it’s just that up to an hour ago, i didn’t really want to admit it.

coudl i ahve not been salty about excuses? maybe. but i didnt say that to him. it was pretty benign. maybe he just really didn’t have anything to say. i mean, when he mentoined the coffee thing, i already said that that was really nice of him and i appreciated it. but i think it was a nice way of me mentioning that i know what’s up. he wan’st oblivious. i also could have done a “oh no questions, it was easy :D” and asked what he was up to… but let’s be honest. what did i just go over? i’ve been shunned. was i gonna play dumb and act like none of that ever happened? it bothered me. ti’s been bothering me since i looked at my phone on saturday… and was genuinely surprised. taken aback. didn’t expect that in a milloin years. nothing. and nothing on monday.

sometimes i get twinges of , “ should i have said something?” but i realize the only thing I’d be showing is that I can be petty, that i complain. actions speak louder than words. there is no explanation that would do his choice of actions justice. it’s self-explanatory. it’s not an accident what he chose to do. its clear that i knew what was going on. i was not oblivious. “I don’t like excuses”. in fact, to drive that home, I made the right decision to not say a thing. because im not interested in hearing what excuse there may be. i also don’t really need an explanation for whether or not i said or did something wrong. what would it tell me? maybe it’d tell me if I actually did somthing wrong (and the shunning was really self-inflicted), or if not, it was a change of heart on his end. but me wanting to hear from him was less of trying to get an answer to my question, but rather to get a response. to let him know that i know what’s up. but it’s already evident. I said I don’t like excuses. and really my actions in the next while will say more than i think. I won’t be as smiley, I’ll be friendly but guarded. I get it. he’s just not that into me. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

I’ve been counting in my head, the presence or absence of him, by the days of the week so carefully in the back of my head, every week. especially those since starting in september.

my days became marked by whether or not i saw him. what we talked about. did he come visit? did we chat? not even just if we flirted, but if he dropped by. for how long? were we alone?

i feel like i’m mourning. i’m mourning because there’s a beautiful office down the hall that’s almost done, that’s almost able to be moved into, december 12. that’s next week. he said another thing , that it’d be nice to come and visit. im scared. i’m scared that after that, there’s no reason to catch up, there’s no reason to chat, there’s no reason to check me out or pass by each other, or to get coffee… there’s no reason. different rooms with keys that don’t work. down the hall but yet barred apart. ther’es just no reason. talking ot him now is like pulling teeth. granted, him asking me to drinks and things was done over messaging, but we’re going to become those sort of people… that sort of friendship where you check in once every 2.5 months to ask how life is. and that makes me sad. because that can happen as soon as 5 days from now.

we talked about something on the 11th. his mom’s going to costa rica. that was the plan, to go to his place, to essentially have sex. you know, wiht privacy and stuff. but that requires an invitation. and i was trying to warm up to it by initiating messages. even though he’d try to chat in person… it would quicly become something else. something...clinical. something that woudl be interrupted. my excuse comment would ahve just been maybe, something he just didnt have a response to. wouldnt’ be the same time. but if the week goes as it already has been since last saturday, there will be no meetup next week. which is ok. i am not really sure i want to have sex. im not in the mood as of now. I’m really not dying to. what i want more than anything is a chance to talk without talking about the possibiility of a relatoinship, just to talk about what has been. he did say we could hang out before then, but that was, of course, while he was horny.

and thisis minor, but him playing dumb at me reutrningthings at eaton center was a little jarring. he’s not an idiot. he knows what i was returning. and he acted like he didn’t want to say a single thing about it. or bring it up. it’s like it’s being suppressed already. and i dont get it. you don’t have to love me. i don’t love you. but are you sure you’re not using me? this hurts.

[jimdsmith34]

Jackies Fog Looms Over First Trial Against Rolling Stone

Far from clearing up the real story behind the now-retracted article on an alleged gang rape at a UVA frat, the first trial against the magazine has been full of contradictory testimony—often from ‘Jackie’ herself.”>

Two friends of Jackiethe University of Virginia student who may have falsely recounted a brutal gang rape in a 2014 Rolling Stone magazine articlesaid in federal court this week that they believe the storys author, Sabrina Erdely, acted in good faith when reporting the story.

I understand what its like to be lied to by Jackie, Kathryn Hendley, known as Cindy in the now-retracted article, A Rape on Campus, said in a video deposition played on Tuesday, the eighth day of former UVA dean Nicole Eramos defamation lawsuit against Rolling Stone. The suit claims that the magazine intentionally smeared Eramo as uncaring and indifferent to rape survivors on campus at a time when she was in charge of the schools sexual assault prevention program.

Eramos attorneys, who did not respond to a request for comment from The Daily Beast, have to prove that Erdely and Rolling Stone acted with actual malice, meaning that they either knew what they were printing about Eramo was false or should have known it was false.

On Wednesday, the court heard the testimonies of UVAs dean of students, Allen Groves, and of Alexandria Pinkleton, a student activist who helped Erdely with the article and who was quoted in her story. In previous court filings, Eramos attorney quoted a deposition given by Pinkleton saying Erdely basically admitted she should have completely rewritten [the story] and regrets that she didnt when the two spoke the day Rolling Stone apologized for factual errors in the piece.

In court this week, Pinkleton reportedly testified that she was very upset by how Erdely portrayed her in the story and that she participated because she wanted to effect change around campus sexual assault at UVA. Eramo, she said, was not a barrier to change.

Groves reportedly said he was frustrated by Jackies refusal to name her alleged attackers at a UVA fraternity and that he had every intention of putting these people in jail and shutting down the frat.

A $25 million defamation suit filed against Rolling Stone by Phi Kappa Psi, the fraternity where Jackie alleged she was assaulted, is scheduled to go to trial next year.

Prior to Wednesdays testimony, a number of witnessesincluding Jackie herselfsuggested that Erdely did not act with actual malice.

In her video deposition on Tuesday, Kathryn Hendley said that when she finally spoke to Erdely, who contacted her a week after Rolling Stone issued an apology, she felt sorry for the reporter.

Jackies other friend Ryan Duffin, who was named Randall in the story, also sympathized with Erdely, who he said was very genuinely apologetic for failing to contact both him and Hendley before publishing the article, according to local reports from the trial.

He also said Erdely acted in good faith when she wrote the article, based on the information she had.

Erdely herself testified last week that she didnt contact any of the three friends frequently referenced in the story because Jackie asked her not to do so, with Jackie stressing that Duffin had declined on the strongest possible terms to speak with her. Erdely also admitted it was a mistake to rely on someone who was intent to deceive me.

During her video deposition, Hendley said none of the quotes attributed to her in Erdelys story were true and that reading parts of the article where she was named Cindya self-described hookup queen who, according the article, told Jackie she would be the girl who cried rape if Jackie reported her alleged assault to authoritieswas like reading a fictionalized version of [her] life.

Hendley said Jackie never told her she was assaulted on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and that she didnt understand why shed told two other friends in their close circle, Duffin and Alex Stock, instead.

Hendley claimed she was no longer friends with Jackie by the end of the next semester. When she read the Rolling Stone article in 2014, she said it was shocking to see Jackies allegations written up as a national news storyin part because the storys version of events were markedly different from what Duffin and Stock recalled from the night of Jackies alleged assault.

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In his deposition, Duffin said Jackie called him on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and asked that he meet her near UVAs freshman dormsroughly a mile away from the Phi Kappa Psi house where the Rolling Stone article said Jackies best friends Randall, Cindy, and Andy met her after she was allegedly gang rapedbecause something had happened.

When he arrived at the dorms, Duffin said Jackie seemed a little shaken but not physically battered or otherwise harmed, contrary to the dramatic and bloody scene in the article.

Duffin said Jackie told him and Stock that shed been on a date with Haven Monahan, whom theyd never met and knew only from Jackie. She’d previously said he was a junior on campus who was trying to court her. On September 12, Jackie told Duffin and Stock that shed gone with him to his room at the Phi Kappa Psi house, where five men forced her to give them oral sex.

Duffin said in his deposition that he and Stock encouraged Jackie to contact police but that she refused. The quotes in the article attributed to her friends and the description of them discussing the social price of reporting her rape were all false, he said. Jackies claim to Erdely that he had refused to speak to the journalist was also false, Duffin said. 

Indeed, Jackies account to her friends differed vastly from the sensational Rolling Stone story, which described how seven men took turns raping her while her date Drew (aka Haven Monahan) and another man egged them on; how one man had barreled into her when she first walked into the room, sending them both crashing through a low glass table; how another man was on top of her, spreading her thighs, and another person kneeling on her hair, hands pinning down her arms, sharp shards digging into her back; how the last thing she remembered was being penetrated by a beer bottle.

Duffin said in his deposition that, before the alleged assault, Jackie had encouraged him and Stock to exchange text messages with Haven Monahan.

It felt kind of weird, but we saw it as a strange way to help out a friend, Duffin said, adding that it became clear to him in the weeks following Jackies alleged assault that she’d invented Monahan as part of a catfishing scheme to win Duffin over romantically. (Two days after the alleged attack, Jackie told Duffin that Monahan had apologized for what happened and that shed forgiven him.)

Eramos attorneys have also referenced the scheme and cited messages exchanged between Duffin and Monahan (PDF) in court filings, calling Monahan a fake suitor fabricated by Jackie in a strange bid to earn the affections of [Duffin].

When Duffin confronted Jackie shortly after the alleged assault about inventing Monahan, she denied it and accused Duffin of calling her a liar, according to their text messages. Duffin broke off their friendship and didnt communicate with her again until after the Rolling Stone story came out. Why did you tell us before the date happened that his name wasHaven Monahan? he asked Jackie in a text message. A name that belongs to no UVA student ever? Why has the name changed since then?

Jackies response was convoluted: His last name was Monahan, she said, and he called himself Haven, she wrote in their final text exchanges. His first name was John or jake or something. She claimed he was there that night but he was a bystander. He wasnt involved. Not really.

A fact-checker who worked with Erdely on the Rolling Stone story (and had worked with the magazine since 2010) also testified on Tuesday about the 80 hours she spent fact checking the article, confirming details through countless sources and documents, Rolling Stone said in a statement to The Daily Beast, adding: In more than 4 hours of fact checking conversations with Ms. [Elisabeth] Garber-Paul and over 20 hours of interviews with Sabrina Rubin Erdely, Jackie told the exact same account of her sexual assault.

On Monday, the court heard a recorded deposition from Jackie, who occasionally contradicted herself in her own testimony, according to The Washington Post.

At one point she suggested that the Rolling Stone story was inaccuratethat she felt like my interpretation was different than what was written and recalled reading the story and thinking I probably would not have written it that way.

Later, she said the story was accurate: I stand by the account I gave Rolling Stone and I believed it to be true at the time.

Asked whether she still believed her story to be true, Jackie said she had memory issues as a result of trauma from her alleged assault (I believed it was true but some details of my assaultI have PTSD and its foggy).

When asked in the deposition about allegedly inventing evidence to support her accusationslike fake text messages from other women who, she claimed, were also sexually assaulted at the same fraternityJackie responded: I just dont remember any of this. Its all very foggy. I dont know. I dont know.

She claimed she didnt remember whether she told Erdely that she was bloody when she left the fraternity house, and likened Erdelys attempts to identify her alleged assailant to a witch hunt.

Yet she also said she thought that Erdely had done her best to recount what Id told her in the story and that she felt bad about how Eramo and her friends were portrayed in it.

She said she wouldnt use the word indifferent at all to describe Eramo and, contrary to what the article suggested (If Dean Eramo was surprised at Jackies story of gang rape, it didnt show), believed Eramo cared very much about sexual assault and rape survivors.

The trial is expected to continue through the end of the week.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/31/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial-against-rolling-stone/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/10/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial.html

[adambstingus]

Jackies Fog Looms Over First Trial Against Rolling Stone

Far from clearing up the real story behind the now-retracted article on an alleged gang rape at a UVA frat, the first trial against the magazine has been full of contradictory testimony—often from ‘Jackie’ herself.”>

Two friends of Jackiethe University of Virginia student who may have falsely recounted a brutal gang rape in a 2014 Rolling Stone magazine articlesaid in federal court this week that they believe the storys author, Sabrina Erdely, acted in good faith when reporting the story.

I understand what its like to be lied to by Jackie, Kathryn Hendley, known as Cindy in the now-retracted article, A Rape on Campus, said in a video deposition played on Tuesday, the eighth day of former UVA dean Nicole Eramos defamation lawsuit against Rolling Stone. The suit claims that the magazine intentionally smeared Eramo as uncaring and indifferent to rape survivors on campus at a time when she was in charge of the schools sexual assault prevention program.

Eramos attorneys, who did not respond to a request for comment from The Daily Beast, have to prove that Erdely and Rolling Stone acted with actual malice, meaning that they either knew what they were printing about Eramo was false or should have known it was false.

On Wednesday, the court heard the testimonies of UVAs dean of students, Allen Groves, and of Alexandria Pinkleton, a student activist who helped Erdely with the article and who was quoted in her story. In previous court filings, Eramos attorney quoted a deposition given by Pinkleton saying Erdely basically admitted she should have completely rewritten [the story] and regrets that she didnt when the two spoke the day Rolling Stone apologized for factual errors in the piece.

In court this week, Pinkleton reportedly testified that she was very upset by how Erdely portrayed her in the story and that she participated because she wanted to effect change around campus sexual assault at UVA. Eramo, she said, was not a barrier to change.

Groves reportedly said he was frustrated by Jackies refusal to name her alleged attackers at a UVA fraternity and that he had every intention of putting these people in jail and shutting down the frat.

A $25 million defamation suit filed against Rolling Stone by Phi Kappa Psi, the fraternity where Jackie alleged she was assaulted, is scheduled to go to trial next year.

Prior to Wednesdays testimony, a number of witnessesincluding Jackie herselfsuggested that Erdely did not act with actual malice.

In her video deposition on Tuesday, Kathryn Hendley said that when she finally spoke to Erdely, who contacted her a week after Rolling Stone issued an apology, she felt sorry for the reporter.

Jackies other friend Ryan Duffin, who was named Randall in the story, also sympathized with Erdely, who he said was very genuinely apologetic for failing to contact both him and Hendley before publishing the article, according to local reports from the trial.

He also said Erdely acted in good faith when she wrote the article, based on the information she had.

Erdely herself testified last week that she didnt contact any of the three friends frequently referenced in the story because Jackie asked her not to do so, with Jackie stressing that Duffin had declined on the strongest possible terms to speak with her. Erdely also admitted it was a mistake to rely on someone who was intent to deceive me.

During her video deposition, Hendley said none of the quotes attributed to her in Erdelys story were true and that reading parts of the article where she was named Cindya self-described hookup queen who, according the article, told Jackie she would be the girl who cried rape if Jackie reported her alleged assault to authoritieswas like reading a fictionalized version of [her] life.

Hendley said Jackie never told her she was assaulted on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and that she didnt understand why shed told two other friends in their close circle, Duffin and Alex Stock, instead.

Hendley claimed she was no longer friends with Jackie by the end of the next semester. When she read the Rolling Stone article in 2014, she said it was shocking to see Jackies allegations written up as a national news storyin part because the storys version of events were markedly different from what Duffin and Stock recalled from the night of Jackies alleged assault.

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In his deposition, Duffin said Jackie called him on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and asked that he meet her near UVAs freshman dormsroughly a mile away from the Phi Kappa Psi house where the Rolling Stone article said Jackies best friends Randall, Cindy, and Andy met her after she was allegedly gang rapedbecause something had happened.

When he arrived at the dorms, Duffin said Jackie seemed a little shaken but not physically battered or otherwise harmed, contrary to the dramatic and bloody scene in the article.

Duffin said Jackie told him and Stock that shed been on a date with Haven Monahan, whom theyd never met and knew only from Jackie. She’d previously said he was a junior on campus who was trying to court her. On September 12, Jackie told Duffin and Stock that shed gone with him to his room at the Phi Kappa Psi house, where five men forced her to give them oral sex.

Duffin said in his deposition that he and Stock encouraged Jackie to contact police but that she refused. The quotes in the article attributed to her friends and the description of them discussing the social price of reporting her rape were all false, he said. Jackies claim to Erdely that he had refused to speak to the journalist was also false, Duffin said. 

Indeed, Jackies account to her friends differed vastly from the sensational Rolling Stone story, which described how seven men took turns raping her while her date Drew (aka Haven Monahan) and another man egged them on; how one man had barreled into her when she first walked into the room, sending them both crashing through a low glass table; how another man was on top of her, spreading her thighs, and another person kneeling on her hair, hands pinning down her arms, sharp shards digging into her back; how the last thing she remembered was being penetrated by a beer bottle.

Duffin said in his deposition that, before the alleged assault, Jackie had encouraged him and Stock to exchange text messages with Haven Monahan.

It felt kind of weird, but we saw it as a strange way to help out a friend, Duffin said, adding that it became clear to him in the weeks following Jackies alleged assault that she’d invented Monahan as part of a catfishing scheme to win Duffin over romantically. (Two days after the alleged attack, Jackie told Duffin that Monahan had apologized for what happened and that shed forgiven him.)

Eramos attorneys have also referenced the scheme and cited messages exchanged between Duffin and Monahan (PDF) in court filings, calling Monahan a fake suitor fabricated by Jackie in a strange bid to earn the affections of [Duffin].

When Duffin confronted Jackie shortly after the alleged assault about inventing Monahan, she denied it and accused Duffin of calling her a liar, according to their text messages. Duffin broke off their friendship and didnt communicate with her again until after the Rolling Stone story came out. Why did you tell us before the date happened that his name wasHaven Monahan? he asked Jackie in a text message. A name that belongs to no UVA student ever? Why has the name changed since then?

Jackies response was convoluted: His last name was Monahan, she said, and he called himself Haven, she wrote in their final text exchanges. His first name was John or jake or something. She claimed he was there that night but he was a bystander. He wasnt involved. Not really.

A fact-checker who worked with Erdely on the Rolling Stone story (and had worked with the magazine since 2010) also testified on Tuesday about the 80 hours she spent fact checking the article, confirming details through countless sources and documents, Rolling Stone said in a statement to The Daily Beast, adding: In more than 4 hours of fact checking conversations with Ms. [Elisabeth] Garber-Paul and over 20 hours of interviews with Sabrina Rubin Erdely, Jackie told the exact same account of her sexual assault.

On Monday, the court heard a recorded deposition from Jackie, who occasionally contradicted herself in her own testimony, according to The Washington Post.

At one point she suggested that the Rolling Stone story was inaccuratethat she felt like my interpretation was different than what was written and recalled reading the story and thinking I probably would not have written it that way.

Later, she said the story was accurate: I stand by the account I gave Rolling Stone and I believed it to be true at the time.

Asked whether she still believed her story to be true, Jackie said she had memory issues as a result of trauma from her alleged assault (I believed it was true but some details of my assaultI have PTSD and its foggy).

When asked in the deposition about allegedly inventing evidence to support her accusationslike fake text messages from other women who, she claimed, were also sexually assaulted at the same fraternityJackie responded: I just dont remember any of this. Its all very foggy. I dont know. I dont know.

She claimed she didnt remember whether she told Erdely that she was bloody when she left the fraternity house, and likened Erdelys attempts to identify her alleged assailant to a witch hunt.

Yet she also said she thought that Erdely had done her best to recount what Id told her in the story and that she felt bad about how Eramo and her friends were portrayed in it.

She said she wouldnt use the word indifferent at all to describe Eramo and, contrary to what the article suggested (If Dean Eramo was surprised at Jackies story of gang rape, it didnt show), believed Eramo cared very much about sexual assault and rape survivors.

The trial is expected to continue through the end of the week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/31/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial-against-rolling-stone/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/166976164107

[samanthasroberts]

Jackies Fog Looms Over First Trial Against Rolling Stone

Far from clearing up the real story behind the now-retracted article on an alleged gang rape at a UVA frat, the first trial against the magazine has been full of contradictory testimony—often from ‘Jackie’ herself.”>

Two friends of Jackiethe University of Virginia student who may have falsely recounted a brutal gang rape in a 2014 Rolling Stone magazine articlesaid in federal court this week that they believe the storys author, Sabrina Erdely, acted in good faith when reporting the story.

I understand what its like to be lied to by Jackie, Kathryn Hendley, known as Cindy in the now-retracted article, A Rape on Campus, said in a video deposition played on Tuesday, the eighth day of former UVA dean Nicole Eramos defamation lawsuit against Rolling Stone. The suit claims that the magazine intentionally smeared Eramo as uncaring and indifferent to rape survivors on campus at a time when she was in charge of the schools sexual assault prevention program.

Eramos attorneys, who did not respond to a request for comment from The Daily Beast, have to prove that Erdely and Rolling Stone acted with actual malice, meaning that they either knew what they were printing about Eramo was false or should have known it was false.

On Wednesday, the court heard the testimonies of UVAs dean of students, Allen Groves, and of Alexandria Pinkleton, a student activist who helped Erdely with the article and who was quoted in her story. In previous court filings, Eramos attorney quoted a deposition given by Pinkleton saying Erdely basically admitted she should have completely rewritten [the story] and regrets that she didnt when the two spoke the day Rolling Stone apologized for factual errors in the piece.

In court this week, Pinkleton reportedly testified that she was very upset by how Erdely portrayed her in the story and that she participated because she wanted to effect change around campus sexual assault at UVA. Eramo, she said, was not a barrier to change.

Groves reportedly said he was frustrated by Jackies refusal to name her alleged attackers at a UVA fraternity and that he had every intention of putting these people in jail and shutting down the frat.

A $25 million defamation suit filed against Rolling Stone by Phi Kappa Psi, the fraternity where Jackie alleged she was assaulted, is scheduled to go to trial next year.

Prior to Wednesdays testimony, a number of witnessesincluding Jackie herselfsuggested that Erdely did not act with actual malice.

In her video deposition on Tuesday, Kathryn Hendley said that when she finally spoke to Erdely, who contacted her a week after Rolling Stone issued an apology, she felt sorry for the reporter.

Jackies other friend Ryan Duffin, who was named Randall in the story, also sympathized with Erdely, who he said was very genuinely apologetic for failing to contact both him and Hendley before publishing the article, according to local reports from the trial.

He also said Erdely acted in good faith when she wrote the article, based on the information she had.

Erdely herself testified last week that she didnt contact any of the three friends frequently referenced in the story because Jackie asked her not to do so, with Jackie stressing that Duffin had declined on the strongest possible terms to speak with her. Erdely also admitted it was a mistake to rely on someone who was intent to deceive me.

During her video deposition, Hendley said none of the quotes attributed to her in Erdelys story were true and that reading parts of the article where she was named Cindya self-described hookup queen who, according the article, told Jackie she would be the girl who cried rape if Jackie reported her alleged assault to authoritieswas like reading a fictionalized version of [her] life.

Hendley said Jackie never told her she was assaulted on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and that she didnt understand why shed told two other friends in their close circle, Duffin and Alex Stock, instead.

Hendley claimed she was no longer friends with Jackie by the end of the next semester. When she read the Rolling Stone article in 2014, she said it was shocking to see Jackies allegations written up as a national news storyin part because the storys version of events were markedly different from what Duffin and Stock recalled from the night of Jackies alleged assault.

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In his deposition, Duffin said Jackie called him on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and asked that he meet her near UVAs freshman dormsroughly a mile away from the Phi Kappa Psi house where the Rolling Stone article said Jackies best friends Randall, Cindy, and Andy met her after she was allegedly gang rapedbecause something had happened.

When he arrived at the dorms, Duffin said Jackie seemed a little shaken but not physically battered or otherwise harmed, contrary to the dramatic and bloody scene in the article.

Duffin said Jackie told him and Stock that shed been on a date with Haven Monahan, whom theyd never met and knew only from Jackie. She’d previously said he was a junior on campus who was trying to court her. On September 12, Jackie told Duffin and Stock that shed gone with him to his room at the Phi Kappa Psi house, where five men forced her to give them oral sex.

Duffin said in his deposition that he and Stock encouraged Jackie to contact police but that she refused. The quotes in the article attributed to her friends and the description of them discussing the social price of reporting her rape were all false, he said. Jackies claim to Erdely that he had refused to speak to the journalist was also false, Duffin said. 

Indeed, Jackies account to her friends differed vastly from the sensational Rolling Stone story, which described how seven men took turns raping her while her date Drew (aka Haven Monahan) and another man egged them on; how one man had barreled into her when she first walked into the room, sending them both crashing through a low glass table; how another man was on top of her, spreading her thighs, and another person kneeling on her hair, hands pinning down her arms, sharp shards digging into her back; how the last thing she remembered was being penetrated by a beer bottle.

Duffin said in his deposition that, before the alleged assault, Jackie had encouraged him and Stock to exchange text messages with Haven Monahan.

It felt kind of weird, but we saw it as a strange way to help out a friend, Duffin said, adding that it became clear to him in the weeks following Jackies alleged assault that she’d invented Monahan as part of a catfishing scheme to win Duffin over romantically. (Two days after the alleged attack, Jackie told Duffin that Monahan had apologized for what happened and that shed forgiven him.)

Eramos attorneys have also referenced the scheme and cited messages exchanged between Duffin and Monahan (PDF) in court filings, calling Monahan a fake suitor fabricated by Jackie in a strange bid to earn the affections of [Duffin].

When Duffin confronted Jackie shortly after the alleged assault about inventing Monahan, she denied it and accused Duffin of calling her a liar, according to their text messages. Duffin broke off their friendship and didnt communicate with her again until after the Rolling Stone story came out. Why did you tell us before the date happened that his name wasHaven Monahan? he asked Jackie in a text message. A name that belongs to no UVA student ever? Why has the name changed since then?

Jackies response was convoluted: His last name was Monahan, she said, and he called himself Haven, she wrote in their final text exchanges. His first name was John or jake or something. She claimed he was there that night but he was a bystander. He wasnt involved. Not really.

A fact-checker who worked with Erdely on the Rolling Stone story (and had worked with the magazine since 2010) also testified on Tuesday about the 80 hours she spent fact checking the article, confirming details through countless sources and documents, Rolling Stone said in a statement to The Daily Beast, adding: In more than 4 hours of fact checking conversations with Ms. [Elisabeth] Garber-Paul and over 20 hours of interviews with Sabrina Rubin Erdely, Jackie told the exact same account of her sexual assault.

On Monday, the court heard a recorded deposition from Jackie, who occasionally contradicted herself in her own testimony, according to The Washington Post.

At one point she suggested that the Rolling Stone story was inaccuratethat she felt like my interpretation was different than what was written and recalled reading the story and thinking I probably would not have written it that way.

Later, she said the story was accurate: I stand by the account I gave Rolling Stone and I believed it to be true at the time.

Asked whether she still believed her story to be true, Jackie said she had memory issues as a result of trauma from her alleged assault (I believed it was true but some details of my assaultI have PTSD and its foggy).

When asked in the deposition about allegedly inventing evidence to support her accusationslike fake text messages from other women who, she claimed, were also sexually assaulted at the same fraternityJackie responded: I just dont remember any of this. Its all very foggy. I dont know. I dont know.

She claimed she didnt remember whether she told Erdely that she was bloody when she left the fraternity house, and likened Erdelys attempts to identify her alleged assailant to a witch hunt.

Yet she also said she thought that Erdely had done her best to recount what Id told her in the story and that she felt bad about how Eramo and her friends were portrayed in it.

She said she wouldnt use the word indifferent at all to describe Eramo and, contrary to what the article suggested (If Dean Eramo was surprised at Jackies story of gang rape, it didnt show), believed Eramo cared very much about sexual assault and rape survivors.

The trial is expected to continue through the end of the week.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/31/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial-against-rolling-stone/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/31/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial-against-rolling-stone/

[allofbeercom]

Jackies Fog Looms Over First Trial Against Rolling Stone

Far from clearing up the real story behind the now-retracted article on an alleged gang rape at a UVA frat, the first trial against the magazine has been full of contradictory testimony—often from ‘Jackie’ herself.”>

Two friends of Jackiethe University of Virginia student who may have falsely recounted a brutal gang rape in a 2014 Rolling Stone magazine articlesaid in federal court this week that they believe the storys author, Sabrina Erdely, acted in good faith when reporting the story.

I understand what its like to be lied to by Jackie, Kathryn Hendley, known as Cindy in the now-retracted article, A Rape on Campus, said in a video deposition played on Tuesday, the eighth day of former UVA dean Nicole Eramos defamation lawsuit against Rolling Stone. The suit claims that the magazine intentionally smeared Eramo as uncaring and indifferent to rape survivors on campus at a time when she was in charge of the schools sexual assault prevention program.

Eramos attorneys, who did not respond to a request for comment from The Daily Beast, have to prove that Erdely and Rolling Stone acted with actual malice, meaning that they either knew what they were printing about Eramo was false or should have known it was false.

On Wednesday, the court heard the testimonies of UVAs dean of students, Allen Groves, and of Alexandria Pinkleton, a student activist who helped Erdely with the article and who was quoted in her story. In previous court filings, Eramos attorney quoted a deposition given by Pinkleton saying Erdely basically admitted she should have completely rewritten [the story] and regrets that she didnt when the two spoke the day Rolling Stone apologized for factual errors in the piece.

In court this week, Pinkleton reportedly testified that she was very upset by how Erdely portrayed her in the story and that she participated because she wanted to effect change around campus sexual assault at UVA. Eramo, she said, was not a barrier to change.

Groves reportedly said he was frustrated by Jackies refusal to name her alleged attackers at a UVA fraternity and that he had every intention of putting these people in jail and shutting down the frat.

A $25 million defamation suit filed against Rolling Stone by Phi Kappa Psi, the fraternity where Jackie alleged she was assaulted, is scheduled to go to trial next year.

Prior to Wednesdays testimony, a number of witnessesincluding Jackie herselfsuggested that Erdely did not act with actual malice.

In her video deposition on Tuesday, Kathryn Hendley said that when she finally spoke to Erdely, who contacted her a week after Rolling Stone issued an apology, she felt sorry for the reporter.

Jackies other friend Ryan Duffin, who was named Randall in the story, also sympathized with Erdely, who he said was very genuinely apologetic for failing to contact both him and Hendley before publishing the article, according to local reports from the trial.

He also said Erdely acted in good faith when she wrote the article, based on the information she had.

Erdely herself testified last week that she didnt contact any of the three friends frequently referenced in the story because Jackie asked her not to do so, with Jackie stressing that Duffin had declined on the strongest possible terms to speak with her. Erdely also admitted it was a mistake to rely on someone who was intent to deceive me.

During her video deposition, Hendley said none of the quotes attributed to her in Erdelys story were true and that reading parts of the article where she was named Cindya self-described hookup queen who, according the article, told Jackie she would be the girl who cried rape if Jackie reported her alleged assault to authoritieswas like reading a fictionalized version of [her] life.

Hendley said Jackie never told her she was assaulted on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and that she didnt understand why shed told two other friends in their close circle, Duffin and Alex Stock, instead.

Hendley claimed she was no longer friends with Jackie by the end of the next semester. When she read the Rolling Stone article in 2014, she said it was shocking to see Jackies allegations written up as a national news storyin part because the storys version of events were markedly different from what Duffin and Stock recalled from the night of Jackies alleged assault.

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In his deposition, Duffin said Jackie called him on the night of Sept. 28, 2012, and asked that he meet her near UVAs freshman dormsroughly a mile away from the Phi Kappa Psi house where the Rolling Stone article said Jackies best friends Randall, Cindy, and Andy met her after she was allegedly gang rapedbecause something had happened.

When he arrived at the dorms, Duffin said Jackie seemed a little shaken but not physically battered or otherwise harmed, contrary to the dramatic and bloody scene in the article.

Duffin said Jackie told him and Stock that shed been on a date with Haven Monahan, whom theyd never met and knew only from Jackie. She’d previously said he was a junior on campus who was trying to court her. On September 12, Jackie told Duffin and Stock that shed gone with him to his room at the Phi Kappa Psi house, where five men forced her to give them oral sex.

Duffin said in his deposition that he and Stock encouraged Jackie to contact police but that she refused. The quotes in the article attributed to her friends and the description of them discussing the social price of reporting her rape were all false, he said. Jackies claim to Erdely that he had refused to speak to the journalist was also false, Duffin said. 

Indeed, Jackies account to her friends differed vastly from the sensational Rolling Stone story, which described how seven men took turns raping her while her date Drew (aka Haven Monahan) and another man egged them on; how one man had barreled into her when she first walked into the room, sending them both crashing through a low glass table; how another man was on top of her, spreading her thighs, and another person kneeling on her hair, hands pinning down her arms, sharp shards digging into her back; how the last thing she remembered was being penetrated by a beer bottle.

Duffin said in his deposition that, before the alleged assault, Jackie had encouraged him and Stock to exchange text messages with Haven Monahan.

It felt kind of weird, but we saw it as a strange way to help out a friend, Duffin said, adding that it became clear to him in the weeks following Jackies alleged assault that she’d invented Monahan as part of a catfishing scheme to win Duffin over romantically. (Two days after the alleged attack, Jackie told Duffin that Monahan had apologized for what happened and that shed forgiven him.)

Eramos attorneys have also referenced the scheme and cited messages exchanged between Duffin and Monahan (PDF) in court filings, calling Monahan a fake suitor fabricated by Jackie in a strange bid to earn the affections of [Duffin].

When Duffin confronted Jackie shortly after the alleged assault about inventing Monahan, she denied it and accused Duffin of calling her a liar, according to their text messages. Duffin broke off their friendship and didnt communicate with her again until after the Rolling Stone story came out. Why did you tell us before the date happened that his name wasHaven Monahan? he asked Jackie in a text message. A name that belongs to no UVA student ever? Why has the name changed since then?

Jackies response was convoluted: His last name was Monahan, she said, and he called himself Haven, she wrote in their final text exchanges. His first name was John or jake or something. She claimed he was there that night but he was a bystander. He wasnt involved. Not really.

A fact-checker who worked with Erdely on the Rolling Stone story (and had worked with the magazine since 2010) also testified on Tuesday about the 80 hours she spent fact checking the article, confirming details through countless sources and documents, Rolling Stone said in a statement to The Daily Beast, adding: In more than 4 hours of fact checking conversations with Ms. [Elisabeth] Garber-Paul and over 20 hours of interviews with Sabrina Rubin Erdely, Jackie told the exact same account of her sexual assault.

On Monday, the court heard a recorded deposition from Jackie, who occasionally contradicted herself in her own testimony, according to The Washington Post.

At one point she suggested that the Rolling Stone story was inaccuratethat she felt like my interpretation was different than what was written and recalled reading the story and thinking I probably would not have written it that way.

Later, she said the story was accurate: I stand by the account I gave Rolling Stone and I believed it to be true at the time.

Asked whether she still believed her story to be true, Jackie said she had memory issues as a result of trauma from her alleged assault (I believed it was true but some details of my assaultI have PTSD and its foggy).

When asked in the deposition about allegedly inventing evidence to support her accusationslike fake text messages from other women who, she claimed, were also sexually assaulted at the same fraternityJackie responded: I just dont remember any of this. Its all very foggy. I dont know. I dont know.

She claimed she didnt remember whether she told Erdely that she was bloody when she left the fraternity house, and likened Erdelys attempts to identify her alleged assailant to a witch hunt.

Yet she also said she thought that Erdely had done her best to recount what Id told her in the story and that she felt bad about how Eramo and her friends were portrayed in it.

She said she wouldnt use the word indifferent at all to describe Eramo and, contrary to what the article suggested (If Dean Eramo was surprised at Jackies story of gang rape, it didnt show), believed Eramo cared very much about sexual assault and rape survivors.

The trial is expected to continue through the end of the week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/31/jackies-fog-looms-over-first-trial-against-rolling-stone/