#i dont make any sense i know its not their fault but i am obviously going thru some things and i wish they would stop pressuring me to | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youremyheaven · 9 months ago

Text

The Outcaste Nakshatra Urge to be Anti-Establishment

Disclaimer: As an Indian, I find the caste categorization of nakshatras to be very icky ngl but that said I do find that it does aid in the understanding of the nature & behaviour of nakshatra natives. I do not want this post (or any post I make on a similar theme in the future) to be read to mean that it ties to caste in real life and how people of a certain caste behave irl (i honestly dont know how many of you're Indian or even know what caste is but yeah). Nakshatra caste is different from irl caste and not synonymous with each other.

Outcast nakshatras tend to rebel against the status quo and have views that are very anti-establishment. This is only natural/logical since its always people who suffer the brunt of the system that try to rebel against it or point out its faults as opposed to someone who only reaps the rewards/benefits of said system.

In Claire Nakti's video about wealth indicators in astrology, she mentioned how a debilitated Moon aka Moon in Scorpio/Jyeshta was prevalent in the charts of the billionaires and is a major wealth indicator. Whereas Moon in Rohini (which is Moon's exaltation) creates contentment which means there's no room for growth, it makes the native content to the point where they're in a state of stagnancy and decay since there's no inner motive for change or growth or transformation. Jyeshta does the opposite, they're internally conflicted, and lacking contentment, so they're driven to accumulate things externally, they keep pushing because they're constantly dissatisfied.

I am working on a separate post about Moon-dominant natives but I find this specific quality of Rohini to be very scary, I have known several Rohini Moon natives irl who were like this, they chose the easier, more comfortable path in life even though it was bound to rot them from the inside and after many years, the stagnancy gets to them and they struggle with the lack of meaning/emptiness they feel.

I mention this because its important to understand what causes a person to rebel against the order/system.

Outcaste/Mleccha (pronounced muh ley-cha) Nakshatras are Bharani, Ashlesha, Visakha and Shravana.

(pyramid diagram by me: sorry for this wonky ass pyramid idk what im doing, hope u understand)

little bit of a tangent: in an earlier post with @venussaidso we mentioned how Purvabhadrapada is seldom mentioned in discussions about Jupiter natives, in that post I said that the concluding naks of every planet kind of transcends its influence. I also feel like another reason Purvabhadrapada is kind of excluded from these conversations about Jupiter influence (even in Claire's latest video about Jupiter women, most of the focus was on Vishaka and Punarvasu with only a few token Purvabhadrapada natives thrown into the mix)

Looking at the above diagram, we can see that Vishaka is an outcaste nakshatra which is why it experiences these themes (referring to Claire saying Jupiter natives spend a lot of their lives feeling invisible, feeling like outcasts etc) the most acutely, followed by Punarvasu which is a Vaishya caste nakshatra which means it falls in the middle of the caste hierarchy but unlike the Brahmin & Kshatriya caste nakshatras who enjoy a fixed position in society by birth, Vaishya (which is merchant & farmer caste) enjoy relative privilege only due to their labour and if they fall on bad times, they may not have anything to fall back on. They're kind of the fringes of society if that makes sense because their position is not as secure as the Brahmins/Kshatriya caste naks. Obviously, they are not ostracized the way the Shudra & Outcaste nakshatras often are and given their position, its always possible for them to accumulate wealth and status and climb the ladder which is not an option available to the Shudra & Outcaste nakshatras.

Purvabhadrapada is a Brahmin caste nakshatra which is at the very top of the hierarchy. Even though its Jupiter ruled, it does not experience the Jupiterean themes of exclusion, ostracization, invisibility and the subsequent transformation to the same degree or extent. Its energies are different and not connected to the themes or experiences of Punarvasu & Vishaka which is perhaps why it's often excluded (even subconsciously).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to the main topic,

Outcaste nakshatras are social outcasts who are not accepted into society, or who feel like they don't belong to mainstream society as they're unable to conform to its views & principles. They are ostracized either for existing or for their views and behaviour.

I'm only using this flow chart to depict the hierarchy so that it's easier to understand the dynamics of different nakshatras and I have no intention of hurting or causing harm to anyone in the name of caste

Outcaste nakshatras exist outside the hierarchy as they're not considered to be a part of the system but as those who do not belong on the hierarchy at all, they are given no place in society. This is disgusting and inhumane on every level but given their position its only understandable why Bharani, Ashlesha, Visakha and Shravana, who are the outcaste nakshatras behave the way they do or hold the opinions and ideas they do. They spend their whole lives feeling "othered", so it's easy for them to see the faults in the system as they've never benefitted from it. They are villainized by others and seen as bad people (Bharani & Shravana are Manushya (human) gana naks whereas Ashlesha & Vishaka are Rakshasa (demonic) gana naks, so I will say experiences across naks will vary)

This often manifests quite literally

Jennie, Vishaka Moon has received torrential hate even though she's arguably the biggest name in Kpop right now. (the video in question is not a hate video, its about why kpop stans have a tendency to blame Jennie for everything and how for many their hate towards the system as a whole is kind of directed at her because she's the face of the system for many).

Jennie was on the cover of Elle Icons Issue in 2023 and when asked what makes someone iconic, she said:

“Someone who clearly has their own opinions and thoughts, I think you’d only be able to be called an icon if you had the ability to ask others questions through your own perspective, rather than only share answers that everyone agrees on or stories everyone could like.”

This clearly reflects a tendency to challenge the status quo which she has done throughout her career, be it being a lingerie model (v unusual for a mainstream popular idol at the peak of their career), never addressing or apologizing for her dating scandals (imo nobody should have to apologize for dating someone but again its sadly the norm in the industry) or her "daring" concert outfit choices.

I've often suspected that Namjoon is perhaps Vishaka Rising because he's also always catching strays and received unsubstantiated hate over nothing. Plus given his transformation over the years, I feel like he really embodies Jupiter's extremes.

Anywayyyyy.

What does it mean to be a revolutionary? Someone who questions the way things are and refuses to conform and wages a movement, rebellion or uprising against the system can be described as a revolutionary. To think critically and to think outside the box (the box being society) has always been rare and very few people have had the audacity to question things and rise up against the system even at the risk of their own safety and perhaps relative privilege.

People who think radically and dare question the establishment are risking scrutiny, punishment, social exclusion among other things. Many movements are led by individuals who have outcaste naks but very often they're unable to amass support and remain lone wolves in the fringes of society disconnected or disillusioned by it all.

Karl Marx, Bharani Sun & Moon, Dhanishta Rising, Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka (also his chart ruler) and Ketu in Swati

Marx, whose critique of materialism and capitalism are still valid today lived and died in the 19th century but he foresaw the directions things would head in and literally its only gotten worse. He had his Sun & Moon in an outcaste nakshatra, his atmakaraka and chart ruler in Punarvasu which also experiences outcast themes, Dhanishta is Vaishya caste like Punarvasu (relative stability but not necessarily secure) and Swati is Shudra caste. Marx's early life was quite stable but his lawyer dad died when he was a teenager and since then he struggled with his finances and was often very poor and he died as a poor man as well.

Martin Luther King Jr- Mercury in Shravana (amatyakaraka), Venus in Shatabhisha (chart ruler), Bharani Rising

MLK Jr grew up during an era of racial segregation but his own family was a little better off that a lot of other African-American households at the time since his father was a church minister. Both him and his father spoke openly against racial segregation and demanded civil rights (including equal voting rights) for African-Americans. Like Marx who had spent the majority of his adult life in poverty and then criticized materialism & capitalism since he knew first hand what a life without safety nets looked like, MLK Jr experienced the cruelty and horrors of racial discrimination and rose against the system to demand better for himself and his people.

Mahatma Gandhi- Hasta Sun, Ashlesha Moon, Chitra Rising with Venus & Mars in Vishaka (amatyakaraka) and Ketu in Shravana

Gandhi was an anti-colonial nationalist who protested through non-violent movements. He grew up in a moderately well off family and studied in London and it was only later in life when he was working as a lawyer in South Africa and personally experienced discrimination due to his skin colour and ethnicity that he began to question all things British Empire. He had an arranged marriage at the age of 13 and as an adult he was staunchly opposed to the practice.

Nelson Mandela- Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon, Mula Rising, Mercury conjunct Saturn in Ashlesha

All of these are either lower caste or out-caste nakshatras

Mandela spent 27 years in prison and then became the first President of South Africa. Mandela's early life was a relatively sheltered one as his father was a counsel to the monarch but then later lost his position. It was only in his adulthood as a law student that he had become "politicized" by witnessing the unfairness of the apartheid regime.

Che Guevera- Krittika Sun, Shatabhisha Moon, Venus in Bharani, Mars & Rising in UBP, Saturn in Jyeshta atmakaraka (and chart ruler) and Ketu in Jyeshta

Che grew up in an upper class family and was studying medicine at university when he went on a motorcycle journey, initially through his home country of Argentina and later through other parts of Latin America like Chile, Colombia, Ecuador etc and it was on this journey that he witnessed the suffering of people from poverty, hunger and disease and decided to leave medicine and pursue armed struggle to help them. He has a combination of low caste and outcaste nakshatras but his Sun is in a Brahmin nakshatra and his Mars & Rising are in UBP which is a Kshatriya or warrior nak which is interesting because Che never experienced poverty or discrimination in his life unlike all the people I've mentioned above and he believed armed struggle was the way to help people (that's the Warrior caste nak energy for u).

Arne Naess, Shravana Sun, Bharani moon & saturn (amatyakaraka) and Rohini Rising was a Norwegian philosopher and environmentalist. He coined the term "deep ecology" and is a very important figure in the environmental movement that originated in the late 20th century. He was an avid mountaineer and wrote most of his works in a mountain hut which significantly shaped his view of ecology and environment.

Again, we see how someone's experiences lead them to having the beliefs they do. I am not saying someone who hasn't had first hand experience of something cannot use their intellect to form an opinion about it (to support or not to support) but when its your lived experience you don't have the luxury of being detached from it which is why I emphasize this throughout the post. How the lived experiences of outcaste nak natives forces them to be radicals and revolutionaries.

Ted Kaczynski, Krittika Sun, Ashlesha Moon & Rising, Venus in Revati (exalted), Mars in Punarvasu & Ketu in Shatabhisha

I include him as a kind of cautionary tale because like I said before not every person who holds revolutionary ideas will be hailed as a hero.

Ted had a genius level IQ of 167 (higher than Einstein) and he graduated highschool at 16. He skipped 6th grade and by his own admission he felt very isolated among peers who were older than him. He later went to Harvard and then got his Masters & PhD (all in Math) from University of Michigan.

At Harvard, he spent 200 hours over the course of 3 years in Henry Murray's brutal psychology experiment along with many other students. Murray worked for US Intelligence and conducted mind-control experiments (suspected to be Project MK Ultra) of which this was a part. At the age of 25, he started teaching at Berkeley before quitting 3 years later in 1969 and spending the next 25 years living in an isolated cabin in the woods in Montana. Between 1978 and 1995, Kaczynski mailed or hand-delivered a series of increasingly sophisticated bombs that cumulatively killed three people and injured 23 others. He was captured and arrested and sentenced in life in prison where he committed suicide.

He had written a manifesto called "Industrial Society and its Future" where he said:

"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race." He wrote that technology has had a destabilizing effect on society, has made life unfulfilling, and has caused widespread psychological suffering. Kaczynski argued that most people spend their time engaged in ultimately unfulfilling pursuits because of technological advances; he called these "surrogate activities", wherein people strive toward artificial goals, including scientific work, consumption of entertainment, political activism, and following sports teams. He predicted that further technological advances would lead to extensive and ultimately oppressive forms of human control, including genetic engineering, and that human beings would be adjusted to meet the needs of social systems rather than vice versa. Kaczynski stated that technological progress can be stopped, in contrast to the viewpoint of people who he said understand technology's negative effects yet passively accept technology as inevitable. He called for a revolution to force the collapse of the worldwide technological system, and held a life close to nature, in particular primitivist lifestyles, as an ultimate ideal.

I feel like most people today will agree with his views but that said Ted was a terrorist who hurt many people and I do NOT condone violence at all. His approach was flawed to say the least but his thinking and ideology is very radical.

He was a socially isolated genius for most of his life and couldn't conceive of a different way to put his ideas forth or head some kind of counter cultural movement, instead he killed people.

Having outcaste Nakshatras (Vishahka, Ashlesha, Shravana, Bharani) can be a very challenging experience because you feel isolated, outside the system, where belonging isn't even a possibility and feel like people always reject you/dislike you/are threatened by you and you haven't even done anything. Its easy to see how these experiences can be very demoralising and make SOME individuals prone to cruel retaliation.

Octavia Butler- Ardra Sun, Ashlesha Moon (atmakaraka), Punarvasu mercury & Rising with Jupiter in Vishaka chart ruler (and amatyakaraka)

She's known as the mother of Afrofuturism and used science fiction to explore what was wrong with society.

Parable of the Sower is the first of the two-book Earthseed/Parable series. Set in a future society that has been ravaged by climate change and economic stratification, its heroine is a young woman living in a gated community who suffers from "hyperempathy" which makes her feel the pain of anyone around her. When her home is destroyed, she leads a group to found a new community, Earthseed. It was published in 1993 but it literally sounds like a prophecy of what was to come.

Her chart is filled with Shudra & Mleccha/Outcaste nakshatras along with Punarvasu Rising which is a Vaishya nakshatra that experiences social exclusion and literally the plot itself is so rooted in all of these themes from being an outsider to being hyperempathetic to founding a new community.

Christopher Hitchens- Aswini Sun, Chitra Moon & Ketu with Venus in Revati atmakaraka and Mars in Revati amatyakaraka

Hitchens has criticized just about everybody under the sun, including war criminals like Kissinger who were and are hailed as heroes. But that said his cause was never personal per se (Sun & Moon in Vaishya naks) he was merely criticizing the establishment because of the faults he found with it.

Howard Zinn- Magha Sun, Uttaraphalguni Moon, Mars in Jyeshta atmakaraka

He was a well known anti-war activist and socialist intellectual who has written extensively on the civil rights movement. He was a bombardier during WW2 and these experiences subsequently made him anti-war. He has a combination of Shudra, Kshatriya and Vaishya nakshatras and they really reflect in his life experiences as he grew very poor to parents who were immigrants and factory workers, later went to war and then became a staunch critic of it and of the system itself. Although he's experienced all of it, he spent most of his life as a professor and public intellectual who criticised it, that was his path.

In the movie The Matrix, Neo is believed to be The One who will end the war between humans and the machines and has the ability to manipulate The Matrix. The movie itself is laden with Punarvasu themes all throughout but what I found particularly interesting is the fact that Laurence Fishburne & Carrie Ann Moss who play Morpheus & Trinity respectively and who believe Neo is The One are both Purvabhadrapada Moons. Neo is ofc played by Punarvasu Moon native Keanu Reeves.

Although others are skeptical about his abilities, Neo has the backing of two PBP native which is to say, the people at the very top of the hierarchy. Punarvasu's outcast themes manifest throughout the movie, especially since Neo was not an original part of the crew, instead a hacker they happened to find and now believe to be "The One".

A little random but the K-drama Vagabond is a very interesting anti-establishment story (its full of a lot of plot twists and I don't want to give anything away) but it stars Bae Suzy who is Hasta Sun, Mula Moon and Vishaka Stellium (including Venus in Vishaka atmakaraka and Jupiter in Vishaka amatyakaraka) and Lee Seung Gi who is Uttarashada Sun & Ardra Moon

If you watch the show (SPOILER ALERT) you'll know that they're both fighting the system from the inside and the outside, Suzy's Hasta- Vaishya nak allowing her some access into the system although she becomes increasingly disillusioned as time goes and then finally realizing the truth and being cast out (Vishaka-outcaste) Seung Gi's character was already on the outside (Ardra is Shudra caste or lower caste) and then he opts for armed struggle (Uttarashada is warrior caste).

Back to something I mentioned at the beginning of the post about how Exalted Moon natives are content to the point of decay and how debilitated moon makes a native discontent and constantly striving to improve things. I felt the need to say this in relation to outcaste nakshatras because all of the people mentioned above have been through A LOT in life, including long prison terms, abuse, discrimination, violence etc, they have endured SO much and since they're on this post, most of them are remembered for their valor and perseverance and for having dared to question the status quo, demand better and change the world.

So we know that it takes someone of extremely strong resolve and inner strength to endure the things they have and come out of it with the hope that things can still change.

It reminded me of something Sirius Black says in Prisoner of Azkaban to Harry about how he didn't go insane in Azkaban where the dementors suck out every happy thought you have. He said this:

"I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me...but it kept me sane and knowing who I am...helped me keep my powers...'

A radical or revolutionary thinks similarly. Interestingly enough Gary Oldman who played Sirius has UBP Sun, Revati Moon & Ardra Rising (Revati & Ardra are both Shudra caste naks)

Shudra which is the lowest caste and Outcaste naks are allies and although there are differences in the broader themes among these naks, there is a sense of comrade-ship as well.

Idk if I should share this anecdote at all but I had a friend when I was younger who was Ashlesha Moon she was othered at home and at school/college and felt very socially isolated. She often spoke about how she does not feel like she's a part of society at all and as a result of it she felt very disconnected from social happenings. It was always strange to me when she spoke about some current event that directly affected us as something super abstract or theoretical but in hindsight I feel like its because everything was impersonal for her and she never saw herself as a participant in society :(

That's it for now, I'll add more examples when I find them

#vedic astro notes #astrology observations #astrology notes #sidereal astrology #nakshatras #astrology #astro observations #astro notes #vedic astrology #astroblr #jyotish #ashlesha #vishaka #bharani #shravana

354 notes · View notes

doyouevenshipbr0 · 9 months ago

Text

examples of atla live action’s attempts to be more feminist and how they actually had the opposite effect and/or hurt the integrity of the show

already talked about katara and pakku. does not make sense that she did not have a master. point blank. just because something sounds empowering (ie katara saying “yes. and ur looking at her.” after zuko asked if she found a master) doesn’t mean it automatically is. there still needs to be logic and katara “being her own master” defies logic imo im sorry!

katara in general. she has no ferocity here which to be very honest i dont think is fully the writers’ fault. some of the blame goes on them but the actress for katara just delivered alllllll of her lines w the same exact mild tone. katara is overly motherly. she is bossy. she is passionate. she is nurturing. she is emotional. THERE IS POWER IN THESE THINGS!!!!! why would we take away her spark?!?!?!

i loved live action suki. however, i LOVE the line in the original when her and sokka part ways and sokka says “i treated u like a girl when i should’ve treated u like a warrior.” and suki says “i am a warrior” *kisses sokka on the cheek* “but im a girl too.” THAT LINE WAS SO PERFECT like lemme say it again there is POWER IN FEMININITY! there is no shame in that!!!!! why does this show wanna take that away so badly. at one point live action suki says something like “im not just a warrior, im a kiyoshi warrior” and before she parts ways w sokka she thanks him for showing her some of the world or something like that. which was fine but i just love the simplicity of the original. a girl can be a warrior and have a crush. why do we have to change that?

this is a small one and it doesnt REALLY matter, but i cant help but think they changed this to be more “feminist” which is just dumb. yue isnt betrothed? well she was but she broke it off? and hahn (her ex) isnt a huge dick? i mean it wasn’t the worst thing and i didnt really mind it but i was just kinda like ?????. feel like yue being betrothed tied into her sense of responsibility and foreshadowed the sacrifices she will make for her people. so. feels rly weird that they changed it. i think it was to show more women agency which is always cool. but in the original, yue finally gets her agency by becoming the moon spirit. that should be the end of her character arc. idk. a weird change that seemed unnecessary.

sokka not being sexist. honestly i think the live action did a good job at omitting this while not REALLY making it feel like something was missing. with that being said, something was still missing lol. once again, its apart of sokka’s character. i feel like everyone has already expressed their hate for this so ill just leave it at that.

i am a TAD indifferent on the women of the northern tribe joining the forces during the fight. on one hand i cant lie i smiled bc obviously i love water bending and i love women so there was definitely apart of me that was happy to see that moment. however. it was kind of giving like in endgame when theres that random shot of all the women superheroes in one frame so the movie could have a “slay queen. we are girlbosses:)” moment. like it just felt a little empty and it wasnt the feminist battlecry they thought it was. these women have been healing their whole lives. why would they be any good on the frontlines of a fight? they never learned combat skills! HOWEVER, when we see them, its mainly just them reinforcing the walls so like. that makes enough sense. im cool w that.

i know im dwelling but as we know i hold atla in the highest regards. it does a lot of things perfectly imo. and one of the things i think it does PERFECTLY is its treatment of female characters. literally the only thing i can think of that i dont like is when team azula beats the kiyoshi warriors and ty lee says something like “u are NOT prettier than us” NDBSKSJDJ like ok that was weird. but anyways. it irritates me how the live action kind of seems to have this pov that says “the original was good, but there were some ideas and plots that were outdated so we changed them to keep with the times” like they’re fixing something that was broken if that makes sense. when in actuality, i think atla’s representation of women is perfect and timeless. it was relevant and powerful in 2005, and it is equally as relevant and powerful in 2024. there was nothing about its feminist themes that needed to be “fixed” or “updated”.

#personal #atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #avatar the last airbender live action #avatar live action #live action avatar the last airbender #live action atla #atla live action

246 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 5 months ago

Text

a lot of my internal issues come from this idea that my parents installed in me that if you're dumb you deserve it when bad things happen to you. most ppl don't phrase it like that tho, they phrase it more like "a smart person wouldn't be in that situation" which is insane cuz like... even if we accept that premise as true, wouldn't being stupid inherently prevent you from having seen it coming? like wasn't this persons ignorance a clear and obvious factor into them being victimized???

it's just a really depressing mindset, made worse by the fact that it's incredibly pervasive no matter what side of politics ur into. in a kind of kneejerk "well what did she expect" way or something. my sister and i were talking about the Meghan Markle stuff years ago back when that was relevant and her talking about racism in the royal family or w/e and my sister kept saying like. well what did she expect its the british royal family.

and i was like yeah i know better and you know better because we're little freaks who are more into politics than most people, and neither of us even really cares about her cuz shes rich and successful like. she'll be fine. but that doesn't mean she somehow deserved racism or it's not important just cuz she supposedly should've known better?

and what does that even mean, that cuz shes not 100% white she should know all the things about race and history that white ppl get to ignore? that the onus is on her to anticipate every racist scenario and if she fails to do so it's her fault?

(side note that could be its own entire post, but i don't like the idea that ppl in a minority group are supposed to be especially well read on its history or w/e. not cuz i dont want ppl to learn their histories but because it creates a double standard where ppl in a majority get a pass for knowing the most basic things and ppl in the minority get harshly scrutinized for not knowing everything perfectly)

but my sister just kept repeating like. she should've known better, it's stupid that she didn't know better, and like yes it wasn't exactly fucking WISE of her but how is that in any way a response to what we're discussing here. you and i both know the royal family is hella racist, but you and I are not The Average Person and more important you and i are not Meghan Merkle. we dont know how she was raised or what she was taught or why she didn't expect the racism or maybe why she thought she could withstand the racism if she DID expect it. "I don't care that she experienced racism cuz she's stupid for expecting them to not be racist and she's rich anyway." is a wild thing to say but it's like. kind of an acceptable opinion on most things.

you see it with sexual assault obviously (what was she wearing, why was she in that place at that time, didn't she know that's dangerous?? etc etc) but if you look you start to notice it everywhere. about every single possible thing. even in circumstances where they could only have been victimized if they were ignorant on some subject or another- which inherently selects for people who are ignorant!!

am i making sense here or what. ok bedtime

#nnstuff #rambling

32 notes · View notes

blkkizzat · 1 month ago

Note

Hey pookieeeee do you have any advice for heartbreak? And can I vent a little and ask for your advice? :]

I never expected it to hurt as much as it does, but in the end, it was half my fault for believing in his empty promises. I called it from the start that this would happen. I knew yet I still said yes. It was a long-distant relationship, and I told him the stakes were high, but he promised over and over that he wouldn't leave me. That I would be the one to do it before he ever does it. I let my guard down for him to break my heart. :(

I can't seem to get my mind off it, and it hasn't even been 24 hours. It just hurts so much. I'm just waiting for his "Let's break up" text. It's not official yet until he says it, but I can sense that it's coming. And I'm just wishing he would stay. I don't know what to do, kind of? Like he took such a big part of me, I don't know how to feel or act anymore. Like I lost myself? Any advice for me? :((((

awe babes i'm so sorry! don't feel bad either its only been 24hrs! that is totally normal why you would still be thinking about it constantly.

But I think there's a few key things here to keep in mind.

1) Nothing is final until its final. You may feel like its coming but you haven't broken up yet. It's unfair (to him but mostly yourself cause its easy to drive yourself crazy with worry) to assume what he will or won't do. 2) If he does break up with you, if you think he would do it over TEXT of all things, than he's no good anyway. Lol thinking back of that old Youtube spoof but the rule is: you dont text msg breakup. Thats a piece of shit move and you deserve way better than someone who would be that cold!

3) Have you heard "lifetime, season or reason" in terms of relationships? Basically, no matter the length of time a person (any relationship not just romantic) is in your life. Every relationship you have will have purpose in your life and a lesson or lessons you can grow from. Not to be morbid but nothing lasts forever, I'm not speaking only of breakups either as even two people committed to each other for their entire lives will eventually have to say goodbye when either passes away. That's why it's not the end of a relationship that's important but what you can take away from the relationship, how you will continue to grow and evolve as a person that matters. Even a toxic abusive relationship can teach you the value of your worth and make you a stronger person on the other side (that isnt to say you should stay in one obviously but that there can be benefits and lessons to everything). So if your relationship with him does end look at it in terms of "these were the qualities/moments i liked and these are want i didn't and from that how does this change what I am looking for in my next relationship."

4) You are still you! You were you before you met him, while you were with him and you will be you after, if you break up. You do give pieces of yourself to partners in relationships but you have the power and agency to take that back. It isn't there's to keep, loving someone is a privilege and if someone violates trust or cannot treat you with the love and respect you deserve then it is your right to take it back. Of course it will hurt, and it won't be easy but honestly its better to break it off as you the person you are with should be tripping over themselves with enthusiasm to be with you.

5) If you do breakup, the best thing is to go cold turkey. I am not sure about if you share friend groups or how awkward it would be to block or remove him from social media/text/call, but if you can do that do that. It doesnt sound like you will be able to remain friends without it being hurtful to you and if he breaks up with you, he doesnt deserve to downgrade you so he can have all the emotional support of a romantic relationship without the responsibility or commitment cause essentially thats what the dynamic will be. You will never be able to be normal friends when a one sided breakup happens.

#ೃ༝💌⁀➷ 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉мαιℓ #ೃ💌⁀➷𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉αησηѕ #*hugs* it will be okay babes! no matter what happens!

6 notes · View notes

builtlikeastickofcelery · 1 year ago

Text

get up cocksuckers were personalposting on main !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can literally and viscerally feel the end of my relationship coming??????????????????????????????????? and like,,,,,,,,,i knew it obviously bc we're young and were pretty different but DAMN i did not think it would Hurt like this bc it never has bc i never emotionally attach myself (to romantic relationships specifically on purpose!!!!!!!!! like jesus christ we should be similar on paper but no !!!!!!!! our senses of humor are completely different and that is the only way i know how to connect with people !!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck am i supposed to do????????? and theyre always telling me i shoulld probably get a therapist, or get medication, etc etc and !!!! i cannot do those things!! i have tried!!!!!!! but i dont want to say that to them bc their last (really really shitty ex) was the type of person to say things that were obvious cries for help and then brush them off for some sort of attention and i have been repeatedly told that there is nothing i need treatment for by doctors !!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know what to do.

also its fair to mention that they are Pretty White and have a very different family dynamic to mine, which, despite being very minimally east asian is still pretty east asian, and also that while both our families are solidly upper middle class they live in a higher income area of our town super close to where the rich rich people live and constantly refer to/make jokes about it being better (not on purpose and i don't think they get why it bothers me a little). i dont know how to talk to them about this without sounding like a nepo baby trying to convince the public they were a struggling self-made actor. and ofc if it falls apart itll probably be my fault bc i dont know how to talk to them about things that bother me bc i dont want to be like their shitty and weird and creepy ex (who is in one of my classes and is constantly trying to make eye contact with me and tried to get my number as well).

i like them a lot, and also crushed super bad on them for 6 months before we started dating and two years ago when i met them i sort of liked them aswell, but more and more im realizing that i dont even know if i wanted to be with them or just be them -> be whiter (i have JOURNALED about this!!!!!!!!!!!!) especially when i realize that were different in too many ways and also that i dont know how to be emotionally vulnerable with them specifically bc of that!!!!!!!! a lot of their friends rn are slightly not stable (or really not stable) and i dont know how to say any of this to them without fucking up their mental state. not to mention that october-december was a really shitty time for them last year and also that i dont want to be the one who ends things because i still really super like them but at the same time sort of resent them for having things i want??????????? but not when im with or near them only when im getting insecure in my rroom which has been happening a lot for some reason!!!!! also two of their very close friends (one is a mutual friend of ours but she's closer to them) are both really weird about us dating at least to me, like the mutual friend lied to me about them not liking me for seemingly no reason right before we got together which significantly delayed it and the other.......i dont even know she jsut always gives me weird looks whenever she sees me and whenever i take the bus with them they sit together and she locks me out of the conversation. i also dont know her very well, so idk.

plus my partner has a weird habit of not engaging with me at all whatsoever (as in having a conversation with another person while also sitting fairly far away from me or not talking to me at all annd staring at their phone) but then being annoyed when i dont try to join to conversation or engage with them. its also fair to note that they are allistic and tbh as someone with a lot of adhd/autistic tendencies (i sort of Suspect myself of audhd but i can never be sure) it actually affects the relationship for me which is insane bc usually i dont Feel it like that. like im fairly certain i mask ??????/ (again no clear diagnosis other than family history of being undiagnosed w/ something) and while i dont mask around my close friends i do still mask, even if its not as heavily, around my partner, who ive known longer than some of those friends. the only time i wasn't masking in some sort of way while we were dating was a day when i was so drained i also ended up sleeping on their couch for like thirty minutes bc i could barely stay awake. i just dont know what to do. in the past ive usually been the person more innvested or into the relationship and i can almost feel that happening again and i dont know why or how.

anyway no pressure t9o reply or annythhing to tthis i just nneeded to get this out into the air

#personal post #vent #<- sorta????

4 notes · View notes

ispyspookymansion · 2 years ago

Note

my true and correct ranking is

evil dead - all good

child’s play - mostly good people r to mean to seed it’s fun

final destination 3/4 but 4 is terrible

scream 4/5 and 5 isn’t that bad

saw - mostly good sometimes really great and even the bad ones have their moments

friday - mostly terrible but all extremely enjoyable

nightmare - 3 great movies and new nightmare and like the bad ones are fun

chainsaw - two fantastic movies i can take or leave the rest

psycho - i love 1 & 2 but the rest of them are notverygood

halloween - great opening wild sequel i own season of the witch merch and a dvd copy of h20 but christ alive when it’s bad it’s terrible

write-in last place is alien cuz those first two are without comparison but prometheus is the worst movie i have ever seen

saw should maybe be higher cuz i like her more than scream but if we’re looking at them as a franchise than i think 3D and jigsaw really bring her down cuz they kinda loose what makes those movies work so well i loved finally seeing the reverse bear trap in action tho

also i’d be reeeeally incherested in knowing ur rankings :D we’ve all given our terrible opinions i’d love 2 know urs

sorry this is abt to get so long and just know i dont necessarily believe any of this im saying words recreationally ! and i tried to think abt them as in quality of franchise, but i am obviously human with personal tastes and biases. i generally counted how many movies i gave 3 or more stars on letterboxd to get my numbering. below the cut for my takes!

- saw (8/9 or 88%) my babygirl. my sweet cheese. i can get why some people dont rock with it but writing it off as torture porn is unforgivable both in that its not, or not entirely, and okay so who cares torture those bitches !!!!! saw’s Quality is not consistent, but its premise is and its one of the most interconnected franchises which strengthens it as a series

- child’s play (6/8 or 80%): prefacing by saying this doesnt take the show into account, but the show is a wash for me anyways. child’s play is a perfect mix of funny and scary, both on a movie by movie basis and as a franchise. don mancini sucks at writing a tv show but his consistent hand in the series makes it a good franchise as far as consistency. edit i forgot about the terrible remake um. yeah. eep.

- final destination (4/5 or 80%): 1, 3, 5 are really good, 2 is decent, theyre fun! i rewatch them from time to time i love the concept i love tony todd and i think its impressive that theres really only one stinker (the final destination aka final destination 4 you will never be famous)

- scream (4/5 or 80%) very partial to the original, and i respect a lot of what scream does even in the movies i dont like as much, but the last film + upcoming no sidney lose points for me for sure. the first movie is standout, the rest are pretty consistent even if its at a level far below the first film. i havent seen the tv show

- noes (6/9 or 66%): my beloved <33333 i loooove the first three and i love new nightmare! the quality steadily deteriorates between those though it Is in a fun way most of the time. the atrocious remake damages this a lot for me but it Knows what it is, so you cant fault it for that. i would fight for noes as a favorite above scream and final destination, but its a weaker franchise overall imo

the next three i had a hard time putting in order tbh, but i guess what i’ll say is:

- psycho (3/5 or 60%): i really was surprised by how good the 2nd one is, cannot state that enough. but 3 flopped to me, the bates motel tv movie sucks, and ive heard the remake is horrible. the prequel is alright (it and 3 both get a half mark), though the whole franchise loses ground for the inherent issues with norman’s character. i havent seen the bates motel tv show.

- evil dead (2.5/4 or 63%): look. sorry, but its not for me. i love the first one and i love the remake, but the style of comedy isnt my thing in the two in between. its not BAD in the sense that it is what it set out to be, but i just dont like that thing very much, and i struggle to call it a better Franchise than most due to how varied its parts are. ash williams tboy swag you Will always be beloved tho, and the first one is a real fav of mine

- halloween (7/13 or 53%): the original is very dear to me, i love the weirdass hustle of 3, and i think halloween 2018 was a great start to a disappointing trilogy. the muddied timelines mean the franchise itself is a mess. one great movie does not a good franchise make! i might put this above psycho depending on the day, but the last movie was so atrocious it leaves a very bad taste in the franchise mouth

- friday the 13th (5/12 or 42%): i love campground horror and overall, the quality of f13 as a series is pretty consistent! its just that its pretty consistently bad. i respect the hustle of sending jason to space and manhattan but its not my kind of film

- tcm (3/9 or 33%): only the first two and the 03 remake are really good to me. i dont think people realize there are NINE of these. a lot of the other sequels are decent movies, bad tcm films, so a low ranking as an overall franchise. sorry tcm, your writers dont understand what makes you great!

so um yeah. im pulling for scream or noes to win at this point, but my opinions are clearly not very shared....also these could change at any time i cant stress enough how much even the lowest franchises here are beloved by me, rewatched by me, have posters on my walls, etc etc!!!

#:-)#asks #anons #hfk #kora.txt

18 notes · View notes

okthatsgreat · 1 year ago

Note

new chapter release and ask game.... you have made this so much easier for me. yet so much harder. there's so much to talk about....... ill start w the ask game bc no matter how desperately id love to talk about the recent chapter i want to collect my thoughts about it bc as of reading it i have been in such a state. 7 (if ur open to it !! if not then keep your dark secrets hidden), 41, 47, 69 (haha)

ehehehhehehe im sorry about the STATE!!! <3

7. post a snippet from a wip

omg....... okay i cant lie to you i have not started this next chapter so teeechhhnically i don't have any wips lmaoooo However. i am a woman of drama and mystery. so here is a snippet of rough dialogue from a scene that is going to happen further on down the line :) for those who dont want to be spoiled ill leave it under read more!!

41. who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

ohhhhh GODDD that's hard genuinely ive loved all of them and if not loved then liked at the least. i loved writing in mius pov just because shes so entertaining to dissect especially in lgowab, where she was in an environment that arguably (not even arguably just straight up LMFAO) brought out the worst in her. im also a big fan of makotos povs because im obsessed with how much he lies. and not even maliciously. so much of what he thinks contradicts what he says but hes still the good guy

its been a while but tenkos pov was so much fun to write from as well....... so entertaining. she has a huge personality and huge heart it was really fun to write

47. is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

LMFAOOO ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. hm hm hm. alright i am ABSOLUTELY not saying i got sick of it i loved writing her but there was one long period of time where i was just straight up dreading writing from himikos pov when i was writing lgowab and it was literally all my fault LOL. mius povs were so high action and dramatic and tense so it was super fun to write from her side, and at this point in the story she was just getting into the enforcement team and was starting her downward spiral. and then i had himiko, who was progressing but at a pace that was a lot slower. which was fully intentional!!! like i WANTED that to happen. but i just had no idea what to write for her, because in comparison to miu's pov himiko was just so Fine if that makes sense. like obviously himiko was not doing okay mental health wise but she had a gf and friends and a pretty solid understanding of where she stood in regards to safety. miu had none of that, was spiralling out of her mind, and was actively pushing everybody away. eventually himikos story picked up and i found myself getting into her pov more but yeah ghdfjksghdjkfgh hit a bit of a wall!

don't even know what trope that classifies as WHOOPS!

69 (haha). what are your favorite fics at the moment?

favorites of mine ouughhh no clue! i like rereading run from your demons :] same with lgowab honestly. sometimes i just get reminded of a scene and i want to go back and read it again to get a better mental visual lol. but that applies to literally all of my fics so IDK!!!

in regards to other peoples fics i really do not read fanfiction that often HFDSKGHFSJDHHGKHJ ummmm i think the last one i read was the hope's peak gay straight alliance by vanadisvalentine and that one was a nice feel-good one :)

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333

fanfiction writing game!

#ask lee #ask game #kozuelovemail

5 notes · View notes

lycheecreature · 6 days ago

Text

hrhnghgggg vent 👎 don't read this unless ur ready for giant block of whining. tldr:

I literally feel soooo guilty complaining abt this esp cause I've def done it already in different terms but it's been boiling for so long idk I need to like :/ break it down a little I guess. same shit different day etc etc

I feel like its really fucking with me that as I make larger steps to actually,,, have coherent story content I keep getting excited to share stuff and then I end up super disappointed and fucking embarrassed when it totally flops 💀 esp when I was gonna try and share more of my writing and?? I know I'm not entitled to anyone's time or interest but even friends never got back to me on it and it's like,, yeah realistically I didn't expect everyone to give detailed feedback or even read it necessarily bc yeah ppl are busy I get it and i dont wanna blame anyone,, it's just the fact that I struck out every. single. time!?? Couldnt even get a single one? Even if it was negative feedback, at least I'd have some idea of what I might need to work on.

Now I'm even more self concious about sharing it than I was before, and I don't even know what it is that I'm embarrassed about other than a nebulous sense of "bro nobody cares." And yea i probably *should* try to promote it more! Except now i feel awkward and shameful and concieted for it! But again I don't want to guilt anyone bc its not like,, the fault of any specific person. On an individual level I get stuff slips by and ppl have plenty of their own shit going on, I've def done the same. Plus, if someone was gonna read my stuff, I'd want it to be bc they wanted to and not bc I heckled them into it yknow :/ just makes me sad

Then of course I get super fucking jealous of everyone else who does actually does get praise and attention which also makes me feel like a horrible person. I know part of it is just that I don't have the best social skills (to put it lightly) but mannn. The more this happens to me over and over again the less motivated I feel to try and start conversations. I'm getting real weird and paranoid over it, and it's getting worse the longer I don't talk about it while simultaneously reaffirming my belief that there is no one for me to talk to. Regardless of if that's even fucking true. And because I am Too Sad, I hardly even have the energy to hold a normal fucking conversation.

Idk, I felt like I had a similar dumb angst during artfight. And artfight wasn't even bad for me, esp compared to like the first year i did it when hardly anyone I attacked even acknowledged that I'd done so 🫠 ofc this is 100% *not* the fault of the ppl I attacked!! I had fun interacting w everyone and seeing their stuff! But I was kinda sad that I initiated everything except for an attack from one random person who doesn't follow me. Its like,, I absolutely do not ever expect to be first on anyone's list, but damn I was hoping I could at least be like... eighth or something??( <- petty ass baby complaint. )

Literally the only conclusion I can come to is that I need to train myself better to Never Expect Anything. I'm actually so terrified that I must obviously be an entitled egocentric asshole for getting crazy over this. God. Idk my real life is already very pathetic and lonely rn and I am constantly deeply ashamed of myself for not being better. Can't even blame The Autism for this shit bc apparently so many of the people who are actually able to foster communities also have The Autism. It's literally just a Me problem.

To be clear, I still very much enjoy making things and my little story and I'd be making the things regardless of if I posted them or not so I might as well try to share them. And I'm wellllll past expecting to ever be majorly successful as an artist or anything. Everything's just been making me feel bad lately. Been writing a bit again and I'm glad for that, but then whenever I'm getting too excited about it I have to stop myself and be like "hey man don't get your hopes up. no one's gonna be that into it." I have to remind myself like yeah I knowww it's not marketable it doesn't have everyone's favorite tropes and character archetypes. Even if *i* constantly seek out unusual content I am definitely *not* representative of the general media consuming populace or the art community or the oc community. And i will not fucking change anything just to be more palatable for Consumers. Just wish I wasn't soooo lonelyyyyyyy. Or that I could at least get an idea of what I'm missing here.

Uhhh on the off chance you did read this whole thing PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD OR GUILTY FOR ANYTHING ABOUT ME I am very mentally ill. idk maybe its the daylight savings. sad ant with bindle dot jpeg.

#important frogcast #vent tw//#if were fucking lucky now that ive written this essay length rant i will never ever talk about this again. i hope.

1 note · View note

lostjudgmnt · 3 months ago

Text

i nearly just oosted this plain but i at least still gave the mental whatever the fuck to put it under a cut sorry guys i’ll be normal in a minute cw for me having some sort of meltdown though idk. pretty intense shit

i love…………. this fucked up mental cycle im in where. im just having a really nasty mixed episode rn so im like. my sleep is so off im rapidly swinging from feeling completely fine to have violent fucking melt/breakdowns/shutdowns to being actually decently happy maybe to having terrible ocd spikes and spirals and its been months and i cant tell if its getting better or not and am pretty convinced in actuality faking the whole thing even though the worst of it is happening when im completely fucking alone and i cant tell if my thoughts are my own or if im pretending to be someone who isnt me and tbese “symptoms” are just me pretending im someone im noy but convincing myself its real or something i dont fucking know but im going fucking crazy but im not telling anyone but i feel like im in a pressure cooker and i feel like im under too mich pressure to be normal and okay and not kill myself even though its all too much pressure

like it sucks because the fact that i kind of feel like im completely fine but also like im going absolutely insane at the same time is not helping the fact that im convincing myself that my intrrusive thoughts and spirals and obsessions and whateber else i have going on are all fucking fake and im just putting on some sort of fucked up show for myself or something like im pretending to be someone else so i feel ~different~ and ~special~ and mentally ill because i guess its fucking fun qnd quirjy as opposed to literally so fucking miserable and preventing me from sleeping wnd locking my body up in uncomfortable positions that i can’t really move from but i can AOMETIMES so im just doing yhat to myself for FUN like goddamn. im not making any sense and part of me is telling me i should be correcting all these typos because godforbid i dont fucking sanitize myself because if it looks too raw its more proof that im faking all this shit and pretending yo look like im doing badly or whatever because im fine actually i feel fine!!!!!!!! what fuckung ever.

i actively hide that im actually driving myself insane from myself abd others because i feel like i have to at least pretend im doig well and then i get hurt when no one can tell im doing poorly as if its not ky own fucking fault and then convince myself that its not actually that bad and that its all fake actually and im making everything i experience up or exaggerating everything or what fucking ever when im having violent and geaphic intrusive thoughts about myself and compulsively beating my head against the floor when im completely alone and there’s sno one to see it like obviously thats fucking fake right. nesus chrisy

i shouldnt post this and maybe poisting it is hust another sign that this is all made up and im just doing it for attention i cant steas enough that im just calmly sitting in a chair at my best friend’s house alone in the dark whole typing this right now i literally feel completely normal but also i guess apparently absolutely insane at the same time but maybe i dont feel insanw. but also i was hyperventilating and slamming my head yo the ground qns could hardly move my body on the floor like i dunno 20 minutes ago and my head hurts. but maybe that was fakw too. i dont even know who’s thoughts are in my head right now

i dont know i guess i feel like i need to actually make some sort of record of this shit somewhere but i’ll ignore it if its somewhere completely private but i’ll want to kill myself even more if its somewhere like q diacord server for some reason so here’s the only place i feel i can go. i dont fucking know why. maybe because here someone can reassure me but i dont have to freak the fuck out of the people i actually interact with on w daily basis or something. i dont know. i dont know if any of this is actually me or if any of this is real and i dint even know if im gonna look at this later because maybe i dont want to know if its all real or not. i dont fucking know

im trying to will myself to take my LITERAL MEDICATION i got prescribed to treat my DIAGNOSED FUCKING BIPOLAR DISORDER that im convinced isnt fucking real and wouldnt becausing me to be insane for any reason. goddamn. im shit at taking it the way imsupposed to because im supposed to take it in the morning to but i dont do mornings and have no routine for the mornings at all. i need time figure that the fuck out and maybe it wilp fix me but maybe not because im probably fakung all this shit anyway and meds cant fix what isn’t actually there. jesus christ

i know i sound insane btw i still cant tell if thats “proof” of anything, authenticity or otherwise i dont fucking know. shit.

im moving in m getting up from sitting completely calmly in this chair and im taking my pm meds as diagnosed and im gonna go upstairs to lay down in the guest bed across the room from my best friend who went to bef almost an hour ago and im gonna sleep and im gonna wake up as a normal person and none of this is real and im being overdramatic and fake. good fucking night

#🌀.txt #personal

0 notes

lunatic-fandom-space · 5 months ago

Text

Das Schicksal derer von Habsburg (1928) [The Fate of those of Habsburg]

This one was very interesting but I kind of struggle to really say anything about it. I can tell you that I had a better time with it than with Elisabeth von Österreich (1931) though.

This was a silent film about the slow death of the austrian imperial family and monarchy, starting with Rudolf's engagement and subsequent suicide all the way through to Emperor Karl's forced departure from Vienna after WWI. Honestly, it kind of had the same issue as Elisabeth von Österreich where I couldnt get emotionally invested at all, but I think I was less bothered by it because I realized pretty quickly that this film was basically just running through the all important events without really trying for emotional investment, if that makes sense. Like, this movie spends most of its time with Rudolf and arguably fleshes his 'fate' out the most, but then obviously it keeps going after his death, and after that was when I really got this feeling that it was essentially just listing a bunch of historical events involving the Habsburgs + the way they died with accompanying visuals, but that feeling was already there during Rudolf's section of the film, it just got more blatant as it went on.

I guess Im maybe a little disappointed because the title of the film made me think it was going to be more about how this family or the whole system of monarchy was doomed from the start, maybe looking at the whole thing with a sense of tragic inevitability kinda like Elisabeth: das Musical sorry I keep bringing it up, but it wasnt that. And that's not the film's fault, I just assumed stuff based on nothing but the title and again, it became clear to me what it was actually doing very quickly, so it wasnt a big deal.

I dont have much to say in the way of pacing and editing which means its pretty alright, but I will say that there was something kind of mesmerizing about it. A lot of it might just be the fact that this was only my second silent movie so my brain still registers it as 'very interesting' by default, but I know a big part of it was definitely the damaged film. When this movie was restored there were bits that had no completely undamaged film available so they had to use film that was already decaying, and now there's parts of the movie that are framed by this white rot on either side, and I just think it looks beautiful. I seriously wonder why decaying film effects arent as common in art as glitch effects or fuzzy vcr effects when theyre so evocative. Also, if Im already talking about technical stuff, the version that I watched was completely silent and didnt have any kind of score, and I thought silent films usually had scores that would then be the audio playing over them whenever they got restored. Is that actually the case and is this film meant to have a score, or am I getting my silent film facts wrong here? I mean, the fact that there wasnt a score didnt bother me too much, it was pretty unusual watching a movie without any kind of sound, but thats about it.

Anyway, I realize that saying "what I like about this movie is that time passed and it was partially destroyed but that partial destruction looks really cool" sounds like a real backhanded compliment, so now Im gonna talk about the other two things that stuck out to me in a positive way. Oh man, that also sounds like a backhanded compliment doesnt it. Listen, these arent the only things that I liked in film I otherwise find bad, these are just the only things I liked in a film that I otherwise dont feel very strongly about. Those things being—

Erna Morena as Elisabeth. I really liked her performance. Unfortunately I cant really articulate why, I think she had a weariness about her that enjoyed and I liked the way she carried herself.

That scene where Rudolf kisses Franz Joseph's hand. The context is, Franz Joseph is telling Rudolf that Mary is gonna leave Vienna so that she cant interfere with him and Stephanie, and that he is to be locked in his room or in the palace until she's gone, but Rudolf begs him to atleast let him see her one last time time so he's like "Fine, but you have to promise me that it really will be the last time you two see each other" and holds out his hand. Rudolf shakes it after a long moment moment of hesitation and then he kisses his hand before laying his cheek against it, and the Franz Joseph puts his hand on the back of his hand in a kindof embrace. oughhhhhhhhh. Its definitely because Ive had a real fascination with masculinity and specifically father-son relationships lately, but that scene is gonna live rent free in my head for a while

So yeah. In conclusion: it was an interesting watch but mostly by virtue of being a very old silent film. It ocurred to me after briefly skimming the wikipedia page that I would have probably found the actual film more interesting (or atleast had more interesting things to say about it) if it didnt deliberately avoid having any kind of political lean, but that doesnt change my opinion of the film so whatever

And now here's three small things that I noticed that I couldnt mention elsewhere before you go:

The makeup and costuming was so 1920s. I have previously said that I am not a history person, and Im not, but I do know some basic stuff about historical fashion and it was honestly really distracting. That was kinda the case with the costuming in Elisabeth von Österreich (1931) as well (although there it was mostly the hair and makeup) but this was a whole other level

There's this scene where Rudolf and Mary first meet and theres this instant chemistry and they start dancing together and then Rudolf just GRIPS her neck and pulls her into a kiss, it was so forceful. I dont think it was supposed to read as aggressive, I'm pretty sure it was just meant to be passionate but idk, it was weird. They dont have any other weird interactions here, for the rest of the film its just pretty standard, old-timey man-woman interactions. And then obviously the suicide, which felt only slightly less sudden than it did in Elisabeth von Österreich

I dont remember at what point in the film this was, I wanna say about a third of the way through, but I was thinking a little about Stephanie and how she was portayed here vs how she was portrayed in Rudolf: Affaire Mayerling, the only other piece of media I have seen so far where she gets focused on quite a bit. I noted that she was a lot more sympathetic whereas the musical portrayed her as a lot more antagonistic, and just as I finished that thought, Stephanie arrives in Mayerling after she heard that Rudolf went there with a certain baroness instead of coming to her, sees Mary sitting outside with Rudolf and some friends of theirs, walks up to her and hits her with either her fan or maybe some kind of stick, I dont remember. so that was kinda funny

#sissi watchin #Das Schicksal derer von Habsburg (1928)

1 note · View note

yiling-laozu-is-loml · 3 months ago

Text

This is so fucking real! Also using the mdzs fandom tag before cql fandom tag and using 'cql canon'. Dont do this. you arent deceiving us into giving your fic more reads by this, you're actively pissing us off. Sometimes a person is in a bad place and just have an idea of what they can read to feel better. For me its canonverse/fix it fics (obviously) set in novel mdzs canon. So being attacked by Yin Iron and other cql elements?? Yea it really messes my mood up. Fanfic is an escape for so many of us, free temporary therapy for others, dont use our coping method to intentionally fuck with us just because you crave validation and wanna play dirty for it. I get it, not everyone has malicious/deceptive intentions because tags ARE hard. But please, learn how to properly tag for your own and our sanity too. Not everyone who gets pissed off at fics tends to silently close the tab like I do, a lot of people leave truly mean comments too and while I dont condone that behaviour, its semi-warranted.

You dont necessarily have to use both CQL and MDZS fandom tags for your fics because you want us to find your fics. Trust me, lots of people dive into ship tags and begin filtering from there, instead of fandom so your content WILL reach the people its meant to reach without the crossover-ish fandom tags.

There's also this thing I like. It doesnt make up for making me click a fic after getting interested in tags and summary but it works. using custome tags like set in CQLverse or CQL canon or any distinct cql element like Yin Iron does wonders for helping us find what we want to read and what we want to avoid. The other thing you can do is indicate the usage of novel or cql canon in either the fic summary or in the beginning notes of the first chapter you post. That works too.

But please do your best to tag your fic correctly, especially in terms of what canon you're following or including elements for. Kindness is free and it makes it easy to trust you as a good author. So if you tag CQL and your summary interests me enough, i WILL ignore my discomfort and dive in. But if I find out mid-reading that you didnt tag CQL, I'll never read another one of your fics, even if its modern day AU, I am sorry. Because its not as easy to forget negative/discomfort-inducing interactions.

I hope the rambling made sense. Once again, tagging well doesnt mean you get less reads. It means your readers know what they're going in to and will never be able to blame you for being deceptive. It will be their fault then if they ignore tags and dive in. So please be kind to us and yourself indirectly. Your fics WILL reach those who you write them for and they will be easier for people to find too!

i’m absolutely begging on my knees right now ,,, PLEASE don’t use ONLY the mdzs tag on ao3 when it’s cql canon like 😭😭😭 not even tagging the untamed at all is crazy bc now i can’t even exclude it and be free from that shit 😭😭 ive clicked on a fic tagged only with mdzs and been jumpscared by yin iron bullshit and other cql fuckery way too many times , tf are u doing just tagging it mdzs i hate u it’s bad enough people use both the tags when they only mean cql shit and now ur filling the solo mdzs tag with it too 😭😭😭 STOP

#mdzs #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #modaozushi #tagging #fic tags #how to tag #please tag your fics correctly

78 notes · View notes

hexcryingwolf · 1 year ago

Text

im not spending my days in a depressive suicidal fog like i did for the first couple of years after the 2018 fallout. im not constantly thinking about and remembering and questioning and doubting everything that happened anymore. i have healed a lot. i am so much better than i was

but finding out that [information i hope to god comes to light sooner rather than later] lit this fire in me. im not scared anymore, im fucking angry. angry about the lies. angry about how they treat people. angry that nothing ever got any fucking better. angry that im a joke to them because i had the audacity to Not Handle the Trauma of Finding Out Someone I Trusted and Considered a Friend was a Dogfucker with perfect poise and tact.

we never talked about that. i dont remember ever talking about that in the server. i talked about it with glip privately but not in a way to process my pain, i was trying to support them and pushed my trauma aside for them. i know when i first saw those videos i talked about it in the server but i dont think, once the truth about marl came out, that i ever really took the time to talk about it in relation to that. i was too concerned with supporting glip

and its not their fault i did that obviously, that was my own actions and i own that much. im not blaming them for anything here. i just want it to be understood that i had this trauma and never took the time to process it and maybe thats why i lashed out so much. maybe thats why everything hurt me so deeply. maybe thats why i was so fucking scared all the time.

thats understandable, right? like. we never talked about the animal abuse but i should have. i should have brought it up in therapy way sooner than i did, and even when i did it wasnt a focus, it was just a footnote to the rest of it. i dont remember anyone else being as bothered by it as i was. so we didnt talk about it. i used self harm to train myself out of thinking about it instead of talking about it. one time in the box i tried to talk about it but glip shut us down because “(they) hadnt taken the time to process it yet”. i know we couldve gone to dms, i know that logically. can it be understood that logic sometimes gets overwritten by emotion? or is that just a personal defect, i should have known better. in the face of this horrid, monstrous thing, i should have known how to handle it logically

i remember glip being, kinda. like it was this eureka moment for them when they understood that the reason the zoo shit upset me so much was because i saw it as animal abuse. i hate to phrase it like that - “i saw it as” - because it fucking *is* abuse. knowing some of the shit i know now it makes sense they reacted that way, i guess? but it sucks cuz there were dozens of active people in that server, a lot of whom were my *friends*, but i just had to stew in this pain and never let it LEAK. we talked so much about how my bad feelings leaked out onto others. and that was bad. it was bad that i couldnt hide my pain? im not sure. i wish i understood. i wish i could see the logs. id fucking settle for talking to someone with access to the logs who i could trust was being honest with me, even without directly giving me any logs at all. but no one like that exists, i dont think

i know glip didnt think my pain was real. january 2019, i was feeling so hurt and mistreated by them but i REFUSED to believe they were just being a bitch to me. so i make up this motivation where theyve been hurting me because they want me to retaliate somehow. i ask axi about it and they dont try to stop me, they tell me to write my callout. so i did, and then i was the villain. i was a joke. how dare i “put on a brave face” during the scene with them, after how badly i had hurt them with a wimpy callout i never shared and they never read. im sure it *DID* hurt you glip. but what about the pain i was feeling in the first place? i did that because i was being hurt by you, but i wanted to believe youd only ever do that to me for some good reason. maybe to teach me something? to teach the rest of the server something? can you understand that that didnt come from a place of anger or wanting to hurt you, it came from the pain *i* was feeling but was trying to deny, because i didnt want to believe youd hurt me.

its ok that you didnt/dont like me glip. im over it. but i cared so much about you i refused to believe you might just not like me. when i thought, maybe they want me to retaliate? maybe this is some plot? it fucked me up so badly. so i went to axi and they didnt try, just said “well youd just take my trying as part of the scheme” and maybe i would have but we’ll never know because *they didnt even try*. so it was easier to believe that you were hurting me for some greater purpose than it was to believe we just werent compatible as people

i dont know. this turned into more of a vent than i meant it to. theres so much i cant process properly because i cant read minds and i dont have the logs and ill just carry this pain forever. at least its smaller than it was

1 note · View note

phoenixfangs · 2 years ago

Note

>:3c fandom askies for aa, depending on your Mood

Salty: 1, 8, 10, 25

Neutral: 16

Posi: 17, 18

JAJAJAJAJAJAJA pepper coming in clutch as always, and u KNOW im gonna do all of them, mood be damned. going under a readmore because i rambled!!

the character everyone gets wrong

maybe its a boring answer but phoenix. good god do people just Not understand him. i think the fact weve seen him in so many forms (feenie, trilogy, 7yg, aa5/6) makes it hard for people to get a pin on him, but thats the thing: u cant really get a pin on someone like that. too often i see stuff where, well into his thirties and having gotten his badge back, people portray him as just as outwardly emotional (and sometimes emotionally volatile...) as he was when he was dating dahlia, and Thats Simply Not The Case, especially after how guarded and jaded he became during aa4. hes SUCH a complicated character i cant even go into specifics and try to give other examples, because they each require paragraphs of their own explaining context and nuance in what goes through his head. i dont know how else to go on, just know that i am the only person who is correct about phoenix wright, and if anyone requires consultations for fic or art, my fee is steep but fair

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

all of them. no im kidding, uhhhhh hm. i guess that klavier and apollo Immediately knew they liked each other/were attracted to each other and spent any time pining for the others affection during aa4. i like klapollo as a ship, i just dont think klav teasing apollo with flirtation when they first meet means he was Seriously Flirting with apollo, i think its possible there was a base physical attraction but he was mostly just trying to get apollos goat for fun since he was a rookie attorney. and because of that, what reason does apollo have to be drawn to klavier? apollo isnt some stock tsundere, i think he probably was really annoyed by klavier and Didnt Like Him All That Much at first. plus, with aa4s story being what it is, i just dont think any romantic feelings are on either of their minds until well after the last case. with their ship, i like to imagine they start as professional adversaries (not rivals in the sense phoenix and miles are rivals, its a different vibe), then become friends, THEN graduate to exploring other feelings

10. worst part of fanon

all of it. no im kidding, the worst part of fanon is how rigidly people expect u to obey it. if u dont portray miles as a gay trans man, people look at u weird, for example. which isnt to say that its Bad to follow that fanon, obviously i also think hes gay (i dont personally headcanon him as trans though) but just that it is fanon. until we get concrete proof in a game or anime or what have u of miles demonstrating or naming his sexuality/gender expression, it is just as perfectly valid to portray him as a cishet man as it is to portray him as a gay trans man, even if i personally think its weird and impossible to imagine him with a girlfriend or something. its fine to have different interpretations of whatever; its Not fine to get mad at somebody because theyre not following fanon that u personally ascribe to

25. common fandom complaint that ur sick of hearing

'i dont read wlw content because its all the same :( why are all the mean lesbians getting so mad that my mlm ship is just better :( its not my fault those stupid broads arent written as well as my spicy yaoi :( what do u mean one half of my mlm ship is a lamp ur just being mean to a mlm because ur bitter that ur stupid bitches arent written as well as my mlm gay disaster babies :( stop bullying me for no reason u crazy psycho cunt this is why nobody gives a shit enough about ur dumbass wlw ship to make anything for it :('

obviously nothing wrong with mlm ships, i have been known to enjoy many mlm ships! but when a wlw (particularly a lesbian...) complains about the disproportionate amount of mlm fan content between characters who literally never spoke, stood next to each other once, or where one of them is literally Not A Character (clay terran is a prop i am not wrong about that), its SO FRUSTRATING to see the response be someone taking it as a personal attack and throwing the blame back out at wlw for not just shutting up and dealing with it. that post that showed among us had significantly more mlm fics over wlw fics on ao3 when Those Stupid Creatures Dont Even Have Gender/Character applies to like literally every other fandom

16. u cant understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc.)

any situation in which phoenix depends on miles for money during 7yg. similarly, royalty/medieval au where phoenix is some kind of servant to prince miles, and yes being a knight counts as being a servant in my mind. these two things feel wayyyyy imbalanced to me but in fanworks theyre portrayed as like necessary and appreciated by phoenix (in the money situation) or really romantic (in the royalty/medieval situation). idk, to me, phoenix would rather saw off his own arm and eat it than accept money, especially from miles, during 7yg, and if he did accept it it would only be because miles says 'let me do this for trucy then if ur gonna be so stubborn about it' and he Begrudgingly Agrees; with phoenix being miless knight, it just feels too much like people seeing phoenixs one-sided devotion to miles in aa1 and going 'this is normal and desirable behavior', and idk how to tell people this but phoenixs savior complex over miles is Not Good fjkdsjlfslak like it worked out for them but i dont think phoenixs behavior towards miles in aa1 especially is indicative of a well adjusted, emotionally stable person, and that hardly ever gets talked about its just 'wee wah hes soooo in luuuuurve isnt that romantic'

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

siblingsssss there are so many good sibling pairs/groups in aa. also wlw ship stuff In General because there is never enough in any fandom. also also (because i love to kick the hornets nest) more fic where the intention is to Tell An Actual Story With The Characters instead of projecting the authors trauma and/or kinks and/or personality onto the characters where it doesnt fit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

18. its absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

idk if krisnix counts as slept on because ive only been in the fandom for a couple years, i know things were different like 10-15 years ago and maybe it was more popular then, but. krisnix. jfkdsjfls. there is soooooooo much narrative drama u can cook up with these two, so many scenarios and angles, and uve got 7 whole years to fill!! and u can be as serious and somber as u want, going into mental health and toxic relationships and what it means to spend so much of ur life with someone who is so bad for u but letting go isnt easy because thats years of ur life with that person ur being asked to let go of, OR u can be silly and say that kristoph is christian grays lawyersona, because come on i dare anyone to try and tell me kristoph Isnt Also the worlds worst dom

#mine #THANK U PEPPER I KISS U ON THE MOUF #im sorry its so many words. fjkdlsjklf

1 note · View note