#i dont know. i think i am disappointing. i dont do things im supposed to do. because im just lazy i guess. i dont know.

[fnvbennygecko]

i regularly wonder if im a disappointment. to people that i know.

[bittwitchy]

ive been five seconds away from a breakdown every second since the 26th and honestly im gonna keep being five seconds from another breakdown until at least saturday

[t3ag3rs]

g e n s o - 1 3.

you groan feeling a sudden pressure hit your head as you wake up slowly in the infirmary.

fluttering your eyes you look around to see bakugou asleep in the chair by your side.

"what..?" you groan feeling disoriented, looking down you see your leg in a cast. "oh cmon...." you whine, waking up bakugou.

"goddamn your loud..." he mutters as he stretches, "took you long enough to wake up.."

"what happened? why am i here?" you ask signaling to your body and around you.

"okay so... you made it to the finals in the 1v1's... fought against me and thats why you're here.." he pauses, "but- you did get third out of everyone"

"really bakugou." you reply with a deadpan expression, "you really had to put me back in a cast after i had just gotten out of one?"

"its not like i was trying to genso!" he shouts, "would you rather me go easy on you and show everyone that you still cant beat me, or fight you like i would with everyone else to show that you are strong?" he asks with a scowl.

you widen your eyes as you realize his reason, "oh..." you look down, "thanks then.. i guess.." you mutter before looking up at him, "okay but seriously though howd i end up in here?? every time i get injured i somehow end up in here but i have no idea how..."

he clears his throat, "thats not important... but now since your up ill be heading out.. damn shitty hair forced me to stay here until you woke up.." he mutters standing up.

"oh.." you sigh slightly looking down. why do i feel kind of disappointed that hes leaving...?

he stops right before he exits, "for what its worth.. i think a lot of pros were impressed by our fight. you did well genso." he states before opening the door.

"thanks.." you mumble with a slight blush covering your cheeks.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you limp into class slowly the next day.

as soon as you open the door, your crushed by mina, "oh my gosh! are you okay?? are you feeling better?? i was so worried y/n!" she rambles pulling away and checking over your body.

"chill out mina... at this rate shes gonna get hurt from you.." chuckles kirishima walking up to you with a soft smile, "how you feeling?"

"way better.." you chuckle, "okay but seriously though.. who took me to the infirmary?? because whenever i get hurt i always end up there, but i dont know how..."

"okay babe.. get ready cause its quite shocking..." giggles mina, "its yours truly... mr. bakugou katsuki over there..." she whispers while jabbing her thumb in his direction.

you let out a laugh, "hah! thats a good one..! but no really.. who is it..?" you sigh as your laughter dies down.

"we're being serious.." repeats kirishima with a slight grin.

you widen your eyes, "no fucking way..." you look at mina, "but he hates me..!"

"well he must hate you soooo much that whenever you get injured during class he just has to pick you up and rush you to the infirmary..!" she says sarcastically.

"yeah.. he did that during entrace exams too! i honestly thought you two were a thing.. kinda like an old couple yknow?" kirishima quips in with a grin.

"yeah exactly!" mina agrees, bouncing on her heels. "im sure everyone in class thinks it too from the way you two act around each other..! theres just- so much tension!" she squeals.

you clasp your hand over her mouth, "shush..!" you blush, pulling her away from bakugous hearing range. "you two are so loud..!"

"is someone getting flusteredddd...?" teases kirishima with a dopey grin.

"kiri!" you gasp, "youre supposed to be on my side here..!" you grunt slapping his arm lightly.

"no way..! do you like him..?" she asks with a slight whisper. "cmon tell ussss..!" she repeats, poking your shoulder.

you blush heavily, "n-no..! i mean- i dont think so..! ughhh.. i dont know- im not sure..!" you respond frustrated.

"yknow what i just heard?" says mina with a grin, "i like him i just dont wanna accept it!!" she answers with enthusiasm.

right as you start to open your mouth mr. aizawa walks in. "this conversation isnt over..!" you whisper before sitting down in your seat.

"listen up everyone" sighs aizawa, "the hero offers for each one of you have came in..." he says before turning on the projector and presenting the results.

you widen your eyes as you find your name with 3632 offers, "geez... thats a lot.."

"now since you all have made a name for yourselves today you all will be figuring out your hero names." states aizawa, "to help with that midnight will be monitoring over you all" he says welcoming midnight to the front before walking out.

you look at the slate on your table. cmon... whats a hero name i can use..? you think groaning slightly.

"can you stop whining genso?! i cant concentrate!" barks bakugou as he hits you in the head with his slate.

huh. maybe genso isnt a bad hero name... you let out a small smile before quickly scribbling it on your board and raising your hand, "im ready..!"

midnight smiles beckoning you to the front, "okay.. im gonna be known as the elemental hero: genso" you state with a small smile.

"traditional japanese! i love it!" claps midnight with a happy smile on her face.

"HEY I MADE THAT NAME UP GENSO! YOU CANT JUST USE THAT AS YOUR HERO NAME-" yells bakugou as he shoots up.

"well then... i guess i can thank you for your brilliant nicknames" you grin playfully, sitting down.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you stare at the paper of offers with your eyebrows furrowed. which offer do i choose...? theres so many..!

soon the bell rings causing you to stand up and place the papers in your backpack. slinging it over your shoulder you head your way out.

"genso..!" calls a voice from behind you, "wait up."

you turn and see bakugou glaring at you, "what is it?" you ask slightly intrigued.

"where are you gonna go for your offer..?" he asks gruffly looking to the side.

"uhh.. im not sure yet. why..?" you ask slightly confused to why he wanted to know.

"you should go for endeavor... one of your weakest elements is fire no..?" he says walking beside you.

you nod a bit, "huh.. your right, maybe i might go for him then. what about you?"

"im going for best jeanist. he is the no. 4 hero for a reason so i might as well see what hes all about.." he mutters.

"really?" you ask incredulously, "i would never see you going for him to be honest... hes so reserved and well.. your so- not reserved..?" you say trying to sound as nice as possible about your true opinion.

"you calling me a mess genso?" he snarls, glaring at you.

"no..! not at all..!" you chuckle sheepishly. "okay well maybe i was..." you admit scratching your neck. he chortles slightly, causing you to widen your eyes in shock. "no way you just laughed..."

he suddenly snaps back to his original self, "the fuck you say..?" he says setting off mini sparks in his palm.

"well.. it was nice seeing you bakugou but ill be off- bye....!" you exclaim, quickly running away.

bakugou stared at you running off, chuckling to himself lightly.

what is this feeling...?

previous parts: pt. 0 0 / pt. 0 1 / pt. 02 / pt. 03 / pt. 04 / pt. 05 / pt. 06 / pt. 07 / pt. 08 / pt. 09 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 next part: pt. 14 / pt. 15 / pt. 16

☆taglist! @katszumi @coolgirl458 @niktwazny303 @crumbycrumb3

[kennediffed]

Reflections

pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader

description: you're casually playing the RE4 remake when you learn that the main character that you've been crushing on can talk directly to you (aka 4th wall breaking shenanigans)

word count: 548

contents/warnings: 4th wall break, gender neutral reader (no pronoun usage), ooc leon(?), shenanigans ensuing, barely edited/proofread

this is so fucking goofy im so sorry MASTERLIST

AO3 VERSION

REQUEST BOX

~

You couldnt help but stare at your screen while in a safe area at the character you've been controlling. The sight of him made you want to kick your feet and twirl your hair like a schoolgirl who had a crush.

You see, the remake to one of your favorite games had just come out and you intended on spending the whole weekend playing the game from start to finish. Well, that was the plan, until you started staring at the protagonist with heart eyes. The way the devs modeled him was… oh boy. The things you would do to him.

You couldnt help it though, Leon Kennedy was a looker, there was a reason why you, among many other people, simped heavily for him.

Man, why cant you be real? you thought silently to yourself, continuing to stare directly at him. Although you were alone, you couldnt help but feel like someone was watching you while you eyed him.

that was when something unexpected happened.

"y'know, im flattered, but are you gonna keep ogling me or are we gonna get a move on?" a familiar voice spoke in an annoyed tone.

that earned a jump from you. did… did leon just… address you? you looked at your screen to see Leon looking at you, a disappointed look present on his face and arms crossed.

"Yeah, you… y'know its rude to stare, right?"

You sat there in shock, he WAS talking to you. but HOW? this was supposed to be something that was one-sided. why was he talking to you?

"cat got your tongue?" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"w…wait have you been able to see me this whole time?" you asked hesitantly. "and… hear what i say??"

He gave you a small smirk "yeah, you could say that"

"uhhh" you trailed off, scratching the back of your head gently "well this is embarrassing". Since you deducted that he could hear you, you realized that he most likely had heard your thirsty comments about him. and that was enough to fluster you. "sorry for the comments" you mumbled, almost embarrassed by your actions

you heard a soft chuckle in response "dont worry, im used to it by now…" he replied "but i bet youre confused right about now, am i right?"

you sat up in your chair, putting down your controller before making eye contact with him once more. You had so many questions but you werent even sure if you were to get any answers to them. you started out with a simple one; "so… how long have you been able to hear what ive been saying?"

"since you started playing the other day, i'd say" he responded flatly.

"gotcha, gotcha…" you responded. "guess i gotta watch what i saw now since i know you can hear me now…" you twiddled your thumbs in pure embarrassment.

"hey, like i said, its all good," he reassured "im kinda flattered that people see me like that"

you picked up your controller again, ready to move on with the game "i think im gonna keep playing now" you mumbled "do you just… emulate what im doing with my controller or… how does this work?"

"something like that… lead the way" you heard him say in response.

[ajs-bookmark]

PJO episode seven SPOILERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU

episode SEVEN

ready for a better episode after disappointing ass lotus casino

my honest reaction: “GASP the waterbeds !”

BRO WHY IS HE FIGURING OUT ALL THIS AT ONCE PERCY IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING STUPID

ARRRRGGGGG ITS MAKING ME MAD 😾

annabeth and her invisibility hat 🥰

there was supposed to be a fight i’m so sad :( 

theyre leaving so much out

AW AW AW THE SCENE WITH HIS MOM he’s so persassy

does grover have a fucking stressball

please let there be the bathtub line please please please

“we’re all dying to some extent” HELP HSHAHAH

YOU CAN BUY A NEW WHISTLE IS WILD

why is cerberus lowkey adorable

awww annabeth petting him is so cutesy

lmao grover rolling out from under his lip 💀💀

UH OH THE SHOES

yes yes yes the ball my favorite part

percy’s so concerned for annabeth its adorableeeee

OMGS GROVER LOST HIS PEARL

this is so much higher stakes than three pearls to begin with 

WALKING ACROSS THE ROOF OF A GYM HAHAHAHA

“period” 💅

holy hades that skeleton thing scared me 

it’s giving “one more reel before bed: the reel:”

“i’ll be okay” i started crying

“you can do this i know you can”

OMGS GROVER BEINGGDRAGGED INTO TARTARUS

wtf tartarus is so scary

THE THE THE THE THE LIGHTNIGN. BOTL WHAT

zeus is just gonna have to wait ICONIC

“why are you trying so hard to get rid of me. i’d never do this to you.”

hades’ palace is so cool !!!

“is this our stop or” bro wtf do you think

hades is interesting. i was expecting him to give DILF vibes ngl. i don’t like the actor for him ill be honest, i wish he was more dark and brooding

“huh ?” he’s so me

“i seldom kahoot”

“my helm 😾😾😾😾😾😾😾😾😾”

what a king. i know he loves his mom and all but he knows what’s up

POSEIDON ???? please be hot please be hot please be hot

he’s such a basic white man wtf. 

IS HE BRITISH ???? nvm he’s so sexy i changed my mind mmmmm british man

OMGS THE WAY HIM AND ANNABETH LOOK AT EACH OTHER IM CRYING SCREAMING

him and ares are about to fight to the death

in summary, i am hades.

[dreamerwitches]

I have mixed feelings on the witches, I'm gonna go through them all.

Renata and Ren: It just doesn't feel like the minor bits match up. There's too many bits that are just slightly too different. Like the screen shape and the bone colour and style. Am I being nitpicky? It just doesn't feel like the witch and doppel are linked. Or that they wanted to make this design for the witch and didn't really care that it didn't look like her doppel. I suppose I like how the witch is more organised than the doppel cause my gripe with it is that it feels a little like the parts don't mesh well. Like, what is going on with that pink bit it does not work. On its own, the witch is good. Fine, pretty, but a little bland and simple. As a design taking from the doppel, I think it kinda fails. Too much was changed.

Cyan and Hinano: Ehhhhhhhhhh I think they just made her worse?? Like, there's so little changed cause the doppel is so witch-like anyway but the changes they did do make her look worse XT the bright tubes are ugly and I dont understand the moth-ear-thing additions. Also the skirt is worse too lol. I miss the gas mask though I understand if that was added for Hinano but you can keep it on the witch c'mon! It's just like they removed all the best parts...

Don Rocinante and Sasara: Ehhhhhhhh here we go again. It looks stupid. C'mon she looks so stupid. Not in an uncanny, scary way, she looks so dumb. I included the doppel attack where she does get legs and that was silly but not as much as this one. Otherwise so little is changed mehhhhh. I liked the doppel so you kinda ruined her for me, thanksssss

Shalimar and Emiri: This is one I'm on the fence on. Design on its own, I really like. She's spooky and weird and the colours are great. I have to main issues. 1) does a 13 year old need such a sexual feeling witch and 2) does she link to her doppel well. The thing with curvaceous or sexualised witches is ones like Roberta I know are okay cause she was in her 30s when she became a witch. You could say some like Candeloro are sexualised cause she's got the booba and stick thin waist, it's kinda hard to deal with... I'm also finding it hard to judge cause I don't know if it suits Emiri, I don't know her character very well. So we'll just move on. If I drew it I would make her less adult-looking My other thought when looking at her beside her doppel was 'if this doppel came from this witch I would hate the fact it uses so little of the witch'. So switching it around, im a little mad they used so little of the doppel. It's like they had the idea for the body and wanted to use it and were like 'oh yeah! the doppel!' so stuck it on as a tail... Also the flower things on the doppel arent in the witch at all ughh. If she was just a new witch on her own id love her...

Vayu and Shizuku: Wow! One I actually finally like now! I think she looks super beautiful, the additions work! But she's not perfect... Just like Emiri and Shalimar, I don't see the doppel working if the witch came first. Why is her handbag now the head? It feels like the teapot(?) head on the witch came out of nowhere. But it's nowhere near as bad as Shalimar. She might be my favourite. I've always been 50/50 on Vayu and she improves that score.

Aodamo and Natsuki: This one's a bit boring... it just feels like they stuck on some additions and called it a day. I think if she was stood up straight I'd like her more... Love the teeth on the horn thing. Skirt is fine. Legs look awkward. Sad they removed her puffy sleeves, doesn't make sense as why the doppel would add that aspect.

Overall, it is a little annoying how clearly some of these are just super easy asset copies of the doppels with no effort put in... I think that's fine for say, Vayu as I think the doppel incorporation makes sense. She's a four legged beast so Shizuku is now riding her. But ones like Don Rocinante, Cyan and Aodamo seem like 5 minute attempts. I'm disappointed. Happy to see witches though, I'm only critical because I care about witches being good

[aonungyoufuck]

omg i love runaway so far and im excited for the next part to come out!! can you do something angsty + fluffy ending in which lo’ak says something mean about his twin sister reader but lo’ak being himself he just brushes it off when the reader confronts him

Twins of a tail

Fem Sully Reader + Twin brother Lo'ak

Synopsis: Angst + Fluff. Lo'ak says some pretty heavy things in the heat of the moment. But You take it to heart. Time for a twin talk.

HI anon! thank you so much for liking Runaway. Im working like crazy trying to hit every plot point so im glad! I hope you like how i worked out your request :3

"Oh come on Lo'ak. Its just We dont know anything about the Tulkun. Who's to say he's not this great killer and you just survived out of luck?"

"no You aren't listening either!" He spoke. Hand now at his head as he just couldn't voice his frustration. Least of all yet. "you are suppose to be my twin. Have my back in this!"

"i am having your back on this! But Its just hard to believe"

"how is it hard to believe? Am i hard to believe for you?"

"Lo'ak that isn-"

"I Know that nobody else believes me. Neteyam only believes me once in a while. And i know Those three Even Tsireya wouldn't believe me. But you are my Twin. My sister. The maker to my trouble." He was more than frustrated. Livid? he couldn't tell. He just knew that something about this wasn't sitting right with him

you had changed. Things have Changed drastically since living here.

"And You aren't believing me when i tell you he is no killer"

"Lo'ak"

"I mean really! We move here and suddenly you're this prim and proper lady. You left me. I dont know why and i dont know how but you have changed more than i. And even here i cant seem to make things right. Cant seem to fit in and yet you take their side on this more than you believe myself"

"Lo'ak!"

"Just go back to the others. Ever since we moved here you haven't been more than a stranger"

That hurt more than anything. And you just stood there and watched as he headed off. You wanted to believe him. You Had to believe him. But what was there to really believe? You weren't there and you had to take the word of the People that knew of Payakan.

Lo'ak was hurt and you knew that. There were enough people that he felt like he disappointed. But right now you were hurt too. A stringing pain in your heart.

You knew that you had to talk to him. But you figured you needed to give him time. To think? to cool off? or maybe you were just scared. But you decided not to push it.

You haven't changed... you didn't change.

You just had to put on a role now that you didnt have one. Lo'ak should know. You did no Tsahik training. You had to learn things a new just like him.

You were on new ground. You were on different territory. And yet? did he expect no change at all? You were doing this all for your family. Sure you wanted to have fun. You wanted to get in trouble too. Wanted to be free and wanted to have it all back.

But things had to change. And it hurt more than any to have your brother. Your best friend since before your first breath, have to tell you that You were the problem.

"skxawng" is all you muttered. You were pissed. Probably beyond that. But you decided on heading home and maybe going to bed early.

just to cool your head.

Just to forget the stinging words of your Twin.

------------------------------------------

Lo'ak Had come home a little after Eclipse. Didn't really have the thought of what he had said.

Being him he figured it would work itself out. Getting home seeing you and eating along side with your family. But he didnt expect you to already be asleep. Everyone still awake. Eating and talking. But you were off in the corner. Away from everyone.

"Why is Y/n Asleep? They not feeling well?"

"Y/n said she is quiet angry. Upset and frustrated. Ate earlier and headed to bed" Neytiri spoke. She didn't need an explanation. She knew her kids well. And knew when you were upset. It mostly had to do with something Lo'ak said or done. Tho she would admit. This is the first time she saw you two not stuck together at the tail like you would be.

Lo'ak sighed. Hoping. Praying that what he had said earlier was not the cause of it.

----------------------------------------------

By morning you had the time to think. You always found yourself awake before everyone else. And for today that was okay.

As you had tried to reason and understand why it hurt so much.

Yes Lo'ak was your Twin. Always clinging to each other's tails when ever the change. You swore since your first memory that The two of you would tangle your tails together. A bond so strong that would always be true to each other.

Perhaps thats why you were angry. Or upset? to be honest with yourself you never understood the difference. You just knew you had to talk with Lo'ak.

"Y/n!"

Speak of him.

You turned to look. Not at all happy with how he seemed so happy. "Lo'ak"

"oh come on you're still not upset about yesterday right?"

"Oh i dont know. How would you feel if i told you My twin that you were a complete stranger?"

"i....upset i know but"

"Listen to me Lo'ak and listen well because i dont want to have to repeat myself to you"

And he shup up right away.

" You are My Twin. But above all else you are my best friend. And i dont want to have to argue with you about this. But this isn't home. I haven't changed. You dont think i dont want to have fun too? But things are different and i have to listen to those around me instead of just you. Its not that i dont believe you. Its just If it were true. If what they say about Payakan is true you could have died too. And where would that leave us? Sky people are after us. And things are different here than home. And i cannot and will not let you push me aside and think i am different because you refuse to change too. If all else We are all we have. And i dont want you to push me to Stranger. When all we've ever been was each other's driving force. He may be your Spirit brother. But i am Your Twin sister. So dont you Dare say that i am any less than that. Got it?"

Lo'ak pondered. Paused and thinking long and hard. He hadn't meant to upset you the way he did. And he knew you were right. Knew that Things have changed. And he really didnt think.

How long had you been pushing down the urge to cause trouble? How long have you longed to feel the sky as he once did.

How long had you been pushing it all aside while he had cause trouble in this new found land.

He really didn't think.

"i am sorry Sister"

"i am your sister. And you are my brother. And i hate having to argue with you. But please. Dont ever say i am a stranger to you. Alright?"

He could see the faintest of red on your eyes. Had you been crying? He swore it now that he would do better to understand.

"i understand"

"now come on. Show me Payakan oh mighty warrior"

"shut up you skxawng!"

and it would all be okay. Attached at the tail as you always would be.

[turnstechgodhead]

well regardless of where you got it from i really love that line, i think it adds an interesting angle to their relationship. what do you think bro knew about the nature of the game and dave’s destiny for him to think of raising dave that way? im also curious about the subject matter of the fics you may have gotten inspiration from

thanks i think so too

i dont remember unfortunately; in regards to the fics. i dont really read fics nowadays and i do tend to read short ones to avoid This happening- where i absorb something and forget about it

more about bro under cut

i feel like bro knew some things; i like to keep certain parts of the 'game' aspect of their reality away from them

like for example: bro doesn't know EVERYTHING about what hes supposed to do. like he wasnt spawned in with I am A Guardian in his brain; he was a whole ass human person for 24 years until he got dave

growing up a lot of his information came from cal because since he was destined to be a guardian, he had nagging feelings in the back of his mind telling him to do certain things: get this apartment, do this that way, etc. and cal just enforced those

i think dirk's reason for raising dave that way is a combintion of the fact that thats the only way cal(iborn) referred to dave and that bro was never allowed to actually bond with dave (because caliborn made him believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.])

i've talked about it a lil bit with input from error707-thatdude (whos training to dooooo... something w psychological development of kids or something? sorry i forgored) on stream and the lack of interaction/affection can be potentially fatal to human children

so every time dirk wanted to do what honestly, his instincts were telling him to do (hold dave, be gentle [even if stiff]) , he wasn't able to because he had caliborn in his ear whispering that he was being deeply fucking inappropriate with his goddamn son which . Jesus Christ. (ive come to the conclusion bc of this that the daves we see in canon are the daves that made it past childhood, as error707 said: the exceptions)

the fact that caliborn constantly told him about how dave was the knight and he needed to be the knight. he needed to enter the medium. if he didn't enter the medium then everything that dirk's entire life has been leading up to has been a disappointment, a mistake, and he doesn't want to disappoint his very dear best friend cal does he? hee hee hee.

he also told him about how dave is SUPPOSED to be. cool, stoic. that kinda stuff, bc calibrn has a bit of a gay thing for both of them im sure.

+ the deep feeling inside of dirk that he Knew cal was right (something something; destiny/fate/will of the universe/etc), that dirk existed to do this; to get cal into the medium, to get dave into the medium, to make them stronger, led to dirk thinking of dave as his goal instead of anything remotely resembling family-

all of that accumulates into his brain dissassociating dave from himself as family and instead as a goal and a figure of something he NEEDS to polish or it wont work when the gear is inserted into the frame

things like this are delicate and they HAVE to be taken special care of during assembly, or you'll be left with nothing. (go watch how its made- wristwatches. its like that.)

sorry if all this doesnt make sense; feel free to ask for clarification and ill happily provide

[jaker-shit]

Then theres the question of whether or not im playing into or upholding harmful systems with the way i express myself here? Like how much of my thoughts and feelings regarding romance and sex and relationships is natural desire? Hiw much of the things i want are products of patriarchy that i need to unlearn? I do find women attractive, and i desire a sexual and romantic relationship to someone. I dont think im entitled to anything from anybody. Sometimes i do think of strangers sexually. It might be bad? Would it be different if i was attracted to men? Am i being selfish or making things about my own dipshit problems when i shouldnt? Does it matter if im on a useless personal blog? Is there a way to look at someone sexually and respectfully as a straight man? Does it matter if youre getting 0 pussy for the next millennium anyway? Is that some incel faggot shit? Does any of this make sense? Im having too many thoughts to type all out like i want to beam it directly to someones head but that would be like an infinite void of the absolute stupidest things a human being could say like honestly I should just be keeping this all in my head. Fuck is everything i do performative? Youd think i could perform something well or do something fuckin useful to anyone for once. Ah shit does a ton of this make me come off as a genuine creep? I dont talk to women generally and on the rare occasion i do theres zero flirting or anything so i try not to be a creep but maybe i just have shit vibes anyway damn i hope not. Yknow ive been a fuckin terrible son and brother. Im supposed to be a role model and support for my little brother but the only thing i can fuckin do i buy him booze until he turns 21 and can do it himself. Hes a fantastic kid hes in a university i could never handle. Hes fit and skinny and good looking. He’s actually a talented artist and writer. Ive been a stupid lazy fat piece of shit while he went and started to make something of himself and i know my parents hate it. I know i let them down every day they dont even need to say it. Useless fuckin 21 years old can barely handle a part time job lied about going to school for the past year to avoid disappointment cant do fucking anything right when asked what is even ghe point to being here still fuck this is stupid and should be ignored like my problems are so fucking stupid. I had every advantage and the people i know came from so much harder places and i havent the discipline or self control to accomplish anything. Its fuckin pathetic and instead of fixing anything and being a man im cryin aboit it online like a bitch i stg i do not deserve to live on this earth

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[thenightfolknetwork]

Im a nypmh. A forest nymph specifically. My days are spent dancing and singing and existing in the forest I was born to. Its great really. My forest is even protected so I dont need to worry about any sapios coming in an bothering me!

But Im also trans. Im a guy. But nymphs are supposed to be feminine and Im. Not. Ive already felt myself loosing connection with this forest as I begun transitioning. Im scared that if I fully transition, Ill lose it entirely. Can that happen? Or is the forest just disappointed in me?

Should I stop my transition? Ive tried to communicate with the forest but she wont respond to me when I bring it up. Im just not sure what to do

I'm sorry your forest seems to be struggling with your transition, reader. However, I think there is plenty of reason to stay optimistic here. You know as well as anyone that, if a powerful nature spirit really doesn't want you around, you'd know about it. The fact you still have a connection with her means she still wants you to have a connection with her.

You're correct in saying that nymphs tend to be female, but my understanding is that this is a linguistic matter rather than a biological one. The word we use for females of your genus is “nymph”, while males with similar cultural identities tend to be referred to as “satyrs”.

Your feeling of disconnect are very likely more related to how you perceive yourself rather than how the forest is perceiving you. The fact is, you cannot simultaneously think of nymphs as inherently feminine, and of yourself as a nymph, while also respecting and celebrating your own masculine identity.

Your forest can feel that inner conflict. She can see you're no longer comfortable with your identity as a nymph, but doesn't have the tools to help you through that discomfort. All she can do is try to give you space, loosening her hold on you and allowing you the freedom to make your own choices.

So, what are those choices, exactly? For one thing, I certainly don't think stopping your transition is a good idea. Your gender is not defined by your body, and a lack of medical transition won't make you any less male.

It also won't solve the underlying issue – that you, as a man, do not feel able to identify as a nymph. In fact, I suspect it will serve to disconnect you even more from your body and your forest, with the pain of dysphoria acting as a constant reminder of the authentic, masculine self you're trying to hide.

Instead, I recommend either unpacking your gendered assumptions around being a nymph, or embracing a positive, male alternative identity for yourself. Do you feel able to say of yourself, “I am a man and a nymph and these do not contradict each other”? Or would you be more comfortable identifying as a satyr or some other identity that feels more affirming?

There isn't a right answer here. You need to find something that works for you. But you do need to make that decision, and try to heal this conflict inside you.

As you do, I feel certain your connection with your forest will bloom anew – different than it was, perhaps, but also more authentic, connecting not with a mere idea or aspiration, but with the man you truly are.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[justabackroundcharacter]

Thoughts while watching Wish:

- base princess personality trope

- Never getting over the face that the goat is named Valentino

- 7 dwarfs vibes with the friends

- Hans type character

- Weird ass love song to wishes

- Evil Chris Pratt went from 1-100 really fast

- The wife was 1000000% the kings wish and he used magic to get it

- Angry guy is played by GIZMO MY BELOVED

- 100 year old man move like a 60 year old fr

- Asha also goes from 50-100 real fast

- My favorite song was a little disappointing:(

- What she’s singing and what the animation gives dosent match

- Wifey is CLUELESS

- We could’ve had A STAR BOY INSTEAD WE GET THIS THING

- Star is still cute

- When you are a Star and accidentally make a devils trap in the tree lol

- IM A STAR ⭐️

- thanks for not eating me John

- Throwing books like your cramming for a test

- King is bipolar like actually tho

- EVERYTHING IS FINE

- What are you five ?

- DANCING CHICKENS

- Best friends help each other commit crimes against the kingdom

- King really is evil he made everyone go to an assembly and they aren’t even in school

- WAIT WAS KING SUPPOSED TO BE AN ALIEN

- how old is the king ? Do we know at all ?

- Casually dooms yourself to an eternity of pain because you got insecure

- HE HAS A SECRET LAIR LIKE HAWKMOTH

- ok how do wishes work again ? Was gramps not free to still inspire people

- Not the mom pleading for her daughter to only get her wish trampled on (definitely don’t need to look at how accurate that is)

- Star said SQUARE TF UP

- He’s literally just your king hit him with your bookshelf

- Returns to your stable if anyone asks pLaY dUmB

- when you have to speed run the 5 stages of grief bc you are the main character damnit

- I know what your thinking- WELL I DONT girl that star doesn’t have an expression on his face

- I can not swim *proceeds to jump into the water with reckless abandon *

- You’ve been hit by, you’ve been stuck by LOSS OF YOUR WISH

- ‘AMYIA darling your just in time come meet my new TOY’ why would you WRITE IT LIKE THAT

- Hot take anyone who calls their partner darling is on THIN FUCKING ICE

- King man went insane that is fun

- HANS KNOCK OFF BETRAYED THEM I FUCKING KNEW IT

- Dont worry im a talking mouse but very clean

- When you only want to be a loyal knight but you end up betraying your friends- happens to the best of us dude

- Good find Valentino - my butt found it

- introverts deserve sanctuary— louder for the people in the back

- STRIKE, STRIKE newsies vibes

- YES fulfill your Sabos wish

- doc and dopey slayed

- They all did

- They are like any queer friend group fr

- the chase scene is cool

- YAZ QUEEN GET YOUR HUSBAND

- I was fooled by the love I felt- Its ok queen you were definitely manipulated not your fault

- Don’t destroy never land you bastard

- A stick ? What am I supposed to do with this ?

- The MUSHROOMS 🍄

- Poor gizmo can’t catch a break no matter what universe he’s in

- a dress on a tree more likely than you think

- Dude bro dear got into the mushrooms fr

- Sometimes a plan is just you and your six friends jumping from a high place

- FUCKING HANS GOT ME AGAIN

- thanks John

- Your so right bunnies are terrifying

- Nope nope nope nope nope

- StAr GeT aWaY fRoM tHeRe

- WAIT IS HE MAGIC MIRRIR GUY

- Yay singing again

- THE power of collective singing will always save the day

- GREEN SMOKE

- MyWiShEs dude get a grip

- Simon and queen should be besties now

- LONG LIVE THE QUEEN

- Peter Pan origin story 👀👀

- ZOOTOPIA ?!?

- bippty boppty boo the magic wand is fixed

- Give GIZMO THE WAND 😭he deserves it

- Fireworks yay

- 5/10 movie

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

M a n,, i used to love bnha so much - it's kinda sad to see how like. It's gotten This bad(?) Rushed(?) Over-the-top(?)

Like, the main thing thats SO disappointing is the quirks,,, each one had established traits or properties, and Yeah - they can grow or evolve a bit, bnha was SUPPOSED to be about being in a hero school and about learning and improving. If one of 1-a had trained and improved their quirk , or discovered a new way to wield it - great! 10/10 tha's growth baby

Anyways, apart from the previous mentioned example of a quirk 'changing' -The idea of each quirk having their set in stone limits and function is a real good way to show off characters!!!! In a battle, or even in rescue situations, we could see each member of 1-a use their quirks differently, how some are more suited for different tasks, how some limits have to be worked around etc

In battles especially -it would be satisfying to see a character use their skills and quirk Cleverly. Using the surroundings around them to their advantage, trying to use their quirk in new ways whilst still battling their limits,,

BUT. Instead i feel like all battle wins or 'improvements' arent. Earned??? The quirk will just 'power up' or 'evolve', (cough cough bakugou), or theres just the kinda. 'Im gonna yell harder and be more determined, so im STRONGER than u now >:] ' kinda vibe,,?

Im not a big bakugou fan lol, but even i would think it would be better to see him fight, if his battles revolved around thr quirk we know he has and how he wields it and how his strategy goes. Instead of. OH, suddenly he can do this now without any prior hinting to it or without it even MAKING SENSE for his quirk to be capable of,,,,,

I dont know if im phrasing this right tbh,,, its just something thats such a let down for the series :[

I think if the academia part of my hero ACADEMIA was longer, it'd pay off better with seeing these new 'abilities' being learnt or discovered naturally in the story,, even the more. Out there quirk evolutions would be a bit easier to accept then lol

Now the series kinda has no stakes?? Because you cant get a feel for a battle, if randomly a new power is unlocked that completely changes the tides of it with no warning, or if randomly one character is just Stronger than the other and nothing else,, theres no suspense, if a character is at a disadvantage - we dont read that and get excited for how the character will creatively get around this set-back. They'll just 'get strong' i guess,,

I am SO SORRY this is so long . I just think that the quirks allowed for so much creative possibilities in bnha, and its so sad to see it not be used :[[

(Im mainly upset about characters like yaoyorozu, because HELLO!???? Her quirk.??? Could be used in so many creative ways in a fight??????? Why is she just in the bg not doing anything whilst characters with less possabilities are in the foreground pulling magic evolutions outta no-where--)

All of this. MHA as a series had immense potential. There were moments in it where I enjoyed what I was seeing. Sadly MHA crashed and burned so quickly.

[narwhalandchill]

(soo ignition teaser thoughts ig)

hmmmm im ngl the trailer itself as a like prelude to what is coming in 5.0 intrigue and plot wise is like. compared to the region teasers that came before w lazzo and overture. its just. its kinda bad im sorry KWKJKWDJKWDJK like okay cool seeing the new cast and production value is high as always (+ music) but its such a middling teaser for the story itself?? it feels like a powerpoint presentation of the cast more than anything narratively coherent with an inherent draw and mystery

like theres mavuika speaking to the flame thingy (xbalanque that u? "one entombed in the primal fire" perhaps????) with some intrigue i suppose as well as her brief thing w capitano. ororon also appearing to be working together or aligned with capitano given theyre standing together there which could make for an interesting plot thread but beyond that its very.... eh. its not giving us a lot to grip onto ya know???? and thats rly a shame especially since i also felt that way abt the teaser in the 4.8 livestream. i wish we got more

and sure theres a tournament wahoo but like. its really Not helping to hype up that thing when half the introduced cast isnt being like "OMG the tournament!!!!1!1 this is HUGE!!!1" (or even. "oh no this is BAD!!!1" to set up basic conflict. like why would they dread it?) but instead just. "oh right... the tournament 🙄🙄" like who thought that was a good idea 😭😭 if the PEOPLE of natlan dgaf abt the big plot event happening then how am i as the viewer supposed to feel majorly invested in it . wow theyre tossing a ball around . wow nobody wants it guess ur tournament is having a bit of a PR issue in the making mavuika lmao

anyway i wouldnt even call myself a true capitano glazer despite being a fatuiHQ enjoyer on the side but like. that hmph still carried welcome capHIMpeaktano truly o7 JWDJWDJKDWJK also did yall see the. anemo-ish turquoise flare when mavuika is confronting (?) him? wonder if thats a thing with her flames or is it implying cap as anemo or sth.... i think itd fit him decent enough but ya. looking forward to HIM for sure

(+ congrats to him for losing the goofy timbs from arles animated short lmao like his design looks so fucking sick now)

character design wise uhhhh. well theres the obvious huge fucking issue here and while id say that hoyo p much already showed their true colors on the matter with sumeru that doesnt rly. make it any less disappointing and egregious wrt all the cultures and peoples theyre So willing to gather inspiration from in all possible aspects Other than the diversity of the people themselves. like its just... bad and such a shame but also not very surprising unfortunately.

(and really it just. looks especially bad given they clearly Can put melanin on people its just... enemy mobs only.)

beyond that i kind of dont have anyone that super catches my eye rn??? mainly because . well leaks moment eek but its basically official info now so basically. xilonens existence as a geo and a 5* (which like . u dont need leaks to guess she will be im sorry jdwjdw) was leaked a bit ago as well as the patch she should appear meaning. im actually in chiori rerun savings mode since its very high chance that she will be back w xilonen if anyone. so thats my plan for now kjdwjkdwjkdwjk

in terms of the actual cast i do like kinich and ororons designs v much, the design motifs of the latter especially are interesting bc those eye-like patterns are almost giving quantum symbol (= black hole imagery) to me???? and thats V interesting especially if hes actually working w capitano and the fatui. now him being a cat boy or whatever animals ears those turn out to be isnt like sth thats huge for Me personally but i do think hes valid and also W for anyone whos into that, congrats guys im happy for u ! but like fr itd be such an insane twist if hoyos Finally introducing the void quantum abyss whatever element w him (and maybe cap too.) bc that symbol Rly is looking Curious. or then hes just electro lol. for kinich its like. yeah fair he might be xiao-tighnari-gaming from minecraft ill admit that but. i do like the color scheme and his outfit a lot JKWJKDJKDWJKD so like i forgive it

w the girlies i overall find them all like. quite nice but so far without any personality + lore known its hard to settle my complete thoughts on them just yet. tho citlali being pink is super refreshing for genshin since we do have a shocking absence of it so like shes definitely one im drawn to, chasca looks interesting and like she could play a bigger part plot wise (maybe?) so that might be neat. both her and citlali being cryo is kinda surprising?? but cool. maybe ill get to unbench my shenhe and play some cryo teams again lmao freeze has been dead in abyss for so long now....

xilonen again w the kemomimi isnt sth im particularly into or not into but she looks cool, depending on personality and how her kit synergies turn out (+ assuming the chiori rerun, the fate of those pulls too), i might try for her as well? theres an Energy to her i like it. if she has proper Attitude and flair thats gonna be a massive bonus for me

mualani i think is rather bland to me, sth about her outfit and design just doesnt click for me even if the shark thing from the teaser before is neat and everything. the chibis are never sth im actively drawn to but like both do look okay, im kinda hoping kachina could be a lynette moment for 5.x and end up a free 4* since her exploration roomba looks p fun

anyway then theres. mavuika and i. well at least the design wasnt. That concept art one (ThoseWhoKnow...) . so instant massive W improvement solely on that basis holy fucking shit but ehhhhh im sorry i still dont know how to feel abt the very modern like. biker bodysuit thingy. im not a huge fan of the bodysuit type designs anyway so its not that surprising but still. her eyes + hair is absolutely stunning tho like not a question at all.

tbh in a way i kinda feel like having too many Thoughts on her design is kinda just unnecessary bc like. shes the archon. of Course the kit is going to be insane so i will get her anyway (UNLESS a pyro onfielder JKWJKJKWJKWJKWFKJ like god please no). and in terms of like is her design and energy from what this vid is giving us good enough that i wont like. Actively resent having to get her for meta and strong teams??? Absolutely. so in that sense ig its all cool lmao

but yeah. idk i just think as a teaser for the upcoming story its rly a shame how weak this felt for me???? like sure overture ended up being a bit of a misleading teaser since it gave the impression of arle as this mastermind of the fontaine AQ which didnt rly happen but it still served as a source of hype and intrigue. and yes lazzo is sth that can Never rly be beat in terms of how out of nowhere it was and how fucking insane the whole harbinger reveal went (+ elogia cinerosa existing) for lore and long term hype but its just. unfortunately those 2 are the regional teasers this natlan one is supposedly meant to parallel and it just didnt deliver anything comparable to those for me

like still looking forward to natlan and seeing the rest of its cast (like im fairly convinced the flame thingy might be xbalanque and hes gonna be a big deal ultimately or sth) and where it goes and all its environments but this trailer didnt rly. grip me the way i wouldve expected it to. which is unfortunate kdjkdwjkwjkdwj but yea thats all

[cannibal-nightmares]

semi-incoherent babbling

terminal velocity. I'm trying to reamin hoepful and keep the arrow in my mind straight, to pretend normalcy, but he mentioned i might be burnt ou t and he is aboslutely correct. i have too much on my plate. I regret to say that my hypothesis on my trip was correct in that i figured it was going to be a throw of the parking brake only for the lurch forward once it was let off again. dgmw im glad I did it and Im glad I went, but it felts like temporarily ejecting a tape i had to inevitably put back in, in terms of attempting to soothe my focus. and i dont mean "too much" as in mild annoyance in my circumstance or of fun things and plans that i can just move around and cancel, I mean "too much" to the point of feeling o nthe edge of defeat w no way out. I'm struggling to reply to people appropriately or at the very least to a capacity I would prefer to would otherwise intend (in timing or pattern or depth or without mask). I have so much of work and personal work, I try to fall to hobbies and art as an escape but evern thinking about personal endeavours makes my ears ring. its not anyone's fault, it's all just become a lot and then some and more. I keep thinking about three things: "ceci n'est pas une fucking drille," Han-Tyumi's "critical density," and the "& Secure" comic strip wehre they're at a traffic light.Thinking about work makse me feel sick, thinking about going out this weekend makes me dizzy, thinking about finishing new art makes my throat uncomfortable, trying to talk to people is like sludge. its not anyones fault; i dontn owe anyone here anything. or anyone really. this life has been feeling more and more like a video game and every day I feel more and more confused as to why I dont just play a different game. and i dont just mean "work vs hobbies"--that would fit the metaphor in that i *could* "just" play something else--but i mean basic functions and further basic circumstance. i have to sleep? xyz? what a disappointing game mechanic when the difficulty setting is already jacked. and before i get pinterest advice, i should clarify: i dont know what relaxing is. i know that sounds dramatic, but i dont. I've discussed it before, but "winding down" doesnt make sense to me. It either is or it isnt;y. So what do i do? I cant tell if I'm genuinely asking or if its rhetorical. maybe i should try picking up skating again but i know how and why that ends every time. thats the only thing i can think of that can brute-force myslf out of my own head. though, thn, begs the question: with what time?

i do hate to whine cause theres nothing anyone can do do about it. but i digress, i do feel i owe him and that ive disappointed him. I know he'd/he'll argue against it, but if I am disapointed in myself, he is autmatically encompassed in that cocophany within my own perspective. idk if that makes sense at all. it just seems that the second i pause to think about anything other than work/duty, i realize how loud my ears have been ringing,. and I still have a long way to go. I question, i suppose, if I will spend my rest--once i finally get it--recovering rather than enjoying. it always ends up this way and, honestly, it doesnt feel like its my fault. and that just makes me enraged with nowehre to go with it.

this must be how altamont felt, hm? im writing this to just say, if i vanish its because i need it. it's because i need it.

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Sunday, October 9th, 2005 7:38 pm sometimes its hard to remember the great moments. but you remember everything to a detail the moment everything goes wrong. your ims are crazy: i am still not dead or married. im bringing home on the road.

silly. never ccccchhhhange. 12:12 pm you could almost make me an honest man. what i have spent the weekend thinking:

good friends in nyc sometimes my eyes are red and green but not like christmas. just kind of a mess. even when the worlds underwater you're rowing in my wet dreams. everything you know about me is totally wrong because it comes from choruses and camera flashes. you come in flashes in the middle of the night or in the morning. fix me in fourtyfive. everything she thinks you know about me is totally wrong because i can't say anything i mean ever. i say things just to hurt you. i get the job done but it doesn't look pretty. Saturday, October 8th, 2005 12:24 am you win some, you lose some sometime you wake up in the morning and everything is just different. moodcontroller gets turned off. probably on by someone else. the bottom of my pants are wet from running through puddles. the streets of albany got let in on some of my secrets. swoon. its weird how when you stand next to the sun you cant notice anything else. then the lights go out and all of a sudden there is beauty everywhere. im always too little, too late. one day everyone finds something they can hang on to. the bottom line is im all wishes and luck. and thats how its always been. in the tides of the streets. dreaming about beautiful babies. with batting eyelashes and huge eyes. we were never supposed to know. im the golden boy. you are my golden ticket. but the tides always going out. and two months turns into two years. in the blink of an eye. youre never home. the stars look the same from the gutter. pens running low just to keep up with the tolerance. ive got big plans for new years. and thats a way off but its the only way to keep my mind off of the way things go. just know "you're not the lifeforce" pete and thats what keeps heartsbeating at night. i only thought you were someone else. a simple case of mistaken identity. romantic fraud. new york city. im always on.

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 4:40 pm hateitorloveit-theunderdogisbackontop sickest afterparty in newyorkcity. hopefully i can fly a friend or two in so i dont hide out in the corners all night. nick thinks my lj entries have been kinda wack lately. i can't say i dont agree. i am a total baby. but not a baby like usher sings about. we're making some super sick limited bartskull nikes. im tired as usual. rumor of the day: i pretty much only like sxe girls. you make me laugh too much with the stuff that gets written on the internet sometimes. my life is radical sometimes. maybe ill really update this later. i dont even know. congratulations to panic at the disco for having the sickest first week numbers ever. that band is the new everything. late at night thats pretty much what i have to listen to or i dont feel okay. this morning i got a strange phonecall to end a strange dream. bane.

Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 9:22 pm "someday we'll be nostalgic for this second..." im tired. red thread. baby blues. im a mess. lovable, not that likeable. lemme hum you a sweet one. i know ive been in a rut. the underdogs back on top. im writing this story. but i wouldnt bet on the ending. sometimes this thing has become too big to even think about. but sometimes i wake up in the morning and it feels like something is missing. youknowyouknow.

6:57 pm

the secret to my suckcess pinchme. dear friends, you let me fall off. i forgive you though. if you forgive me. i am out of my head. me and nick have cooked up the sickest idea ever. i am writing a movie with patrick. my tummy hurts most of the time. major disappointment, reporting for duty. wtf. sometimes OMG! i heart the drama. sometimes OMG! i do not. like emeralds just past the sun- green but not the sick inside more like the film warming up to you. the camera is waking up. little boys and girls- get up. the trouble has lifted. youre gonna be okay. "tell me that you're alright". i like wearing your clothes. they are like a bulletproof vest. mostly i miss my friends and chicago. i want to bring you all out on the road.

"...idonthavetobethekingoftheworld, as long as im..."

peace out. i need to take a nap and eat some icecream. i bought nicholas scimeca a present. im tired. act suprised, even if you're not. fake the words. say i love you hard like you hate me. Saturday, October 1st, 2005 4:48 pm life on mars by david bowie reminds me of you the dreams i have for me are just for us. i am not sure i even know what this means. the pros and con are the same. legs tangled. its the kid you loved forever. i got a feeling what they're all saying. under the spotlight you think about the inside of wedding rings. in dark bunks you think about the inside of zippers. make me yours. make me come to life. honestly. black hair and batted eyelashes. dont give up im not sure where this is all going. right on reds and at altars. thinking about the way you are with the little pudgy boy. im getting this sweet tat. she knows what im talking about.