#i dont know why i put the chosen one there
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kinitopet when i burn them onto a CD and put them into a playstation 3
#my art#ms paint#kinitopet#ava the chosen one#i dont know why i put the chosen one there#anyways i love it when the Game has a Virtual Buddy#I Love Virtual Buddys
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CHOSENWEEK DAY 2 : REST
referencing this
heres the (OPTIONAL) promptlist and the announcement for context
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava the chosen one#ava tco#ava red#ava the second coming#ava tsc#ava yellow#ava green#ava blue#+ sneaky audacity cameo#ava chosenweek#this is the very secret 5th panel /silly#i dont know why i detailed the blanket so much but hey ! it looks cool#also yes alan moved some of them just so the blanket could cover all of them#i like to think they messed around with the staff that day again (while tsc helped alan animate)#and then a few crazy shenanigans ensued (its not as bad as the lucky block staff thouhg)#afterwards yellow forgot to put back the command block due to getting tired out#then cut to a little while later and the animation is done!#cue events of comic referenced#lilacsart
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drew my ocs as riptide characters :3
#my post#my art#jrwi riptide#why does everyone have a Doomed Sister. my ocs only have 1 doomed sister that they have to share. everin cant be edyn lizzie AND ayva#i put ev as lizzie bcus. leading when you dont know what youre doing but feeling like you need to do it anyways because no one else will#also bcus i put kiet as chip and ev is closest to kiet#speaking of which kiet is chip bcus its just a little guy just a funny little guy#idunno man.#so nekaia also has some Chosen shit going on. not too clear on that i havent really expanded on religion in this story yet#yeag. and then theres nyota and stars jay bcus they both have Immesurable Guilt <3#oh andoras is caspian bcus hes bffs with everin <333#fun fact nyota kills her dad. maybe jay can follow in stars footprints ^_^#oh also nekaias coral looks like that bcus she has horns normally!!#kiets a bird and nyotas a moth and andoras is an elf. ev is also an elf but i dont think lizzie being human is plot relevant so she stayed#the same lol#anyways yaaaaay !!!!#i heart riptide. and also my funny ocs
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The prevailing belief of many ASTV viewers seems to be that Miguel O'Hara is an actual, literal vampire. Do you think this funny.
Nope! <3 it shows such a lack of willingness to do even Basic Research that would take maybe two seconds to look up that it makes me want to Kill. like. cmon. he has Fangs because he's half-spider...,,.,
They're hollow, and whenever he Bites People, it is specifically with the intent to POISON them with the VENOM from his FANGS-- he also Says That every time he does it, like he's an anime character, lol, and it means a lot to me. we don't know the exact makeup or potency of his venom, but we Do know that it's fast-acting, paralytic, and (apparently, thankfully) non-toxic, at least.
#talking tag#asks#spider-man 2099#spiderman 2099#atsv#across the spiderverse#spider-man: across the spider-verse#but like. honestly ive Never liked ppl calling him a vampire LOL ppl alREADY didnt know anything abt 2099 as it was Before ATSV came out y/#and then ATSV comes out nd its portrayal of My Blorbo for whom my foolish fool self would & Will go 2 bat for Debunking Disinformation abt-#--is Canon Accurate in its characterization of him even if in general i think it's pretty Thematically Weird 2 have chosen Mig Specifically#--for the role that they put him in just specifically because. like. the themes of SM2099 kind of actively go against All Of That Stuff?#but. whatever. dbsdkvbdvjbsk it's not a Dealbreaker 4 me i Understand quite intimately that literally nobody cares abt analyzing 2099 LOL.#and i am just a nitpicky esoteric autistic Bitch with Very Strong Opinions or w/e#anyways they made lots of Funney Jokes. tho i dont dig how often mig was Called Unfunny because he Is Funny hes just autistic nd quiet#mig Is Funny he just doesnt make quips as a nervous reaction or to distract villains when he is wearing the costume.#like the Whole Point of his spider-man is that hes Supposed to b Weird And Different from other Spiders thats literally what he was made 4#zigging where lee & ditko zagged. He Was Designed That Way On Purpose That Is Why He Is So Interesting He Is ACTUALLY DIFFERENT#Christ almighty one more person acts like he wasnt nothin before this film as if he aint existed for 30 years with an established history.#feel like i m just gonna start freakign Killing
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🍓
#i cant do a thing abt it but oh it hurts#and i feel bad bc i feel like he'd think im selfish?#i want him to be happy but cant i be hurt? cant i be sad too?#and i wont chase him. i'd never do anything like that. 9/10 if i dont *feel* wanted regardless of truth#im out of there bc i have avpd </3#but i cling to him?? i mean in an emotional way. like i never put up walls in my mind to numb my feelings for him the way i do w avpd#why is he so different from everyone else for my brqin and heart? i mean i obvi i think hes amazing#but i dont get why my brain doesnt protect me emotion and feeling wise the way it does w everything else#how could he cross all of those boundaries and walls my brain has put in place?#this is why i thought i had found my person. but it gets tricky when i am not his person#nor do i think i can be whrn he's chosen someone else. (i get that i really really do and thats why it hurts sm)#but yeah i'd never chase.. bc like why would i? when i know he didnt choose me to give a chance to. i'd never be as arrogant to try to#think i could be worth a chance or that i could do anything abt it.#so even if it's selfish i hurt sm. even tho at the same time i want him to have what he wants even if it isnt me and never was#bc i do also think.. even if it makes me sound naive.. or actually maybe this is just how *i* feel#if u love someone sm and truly want to be w them u find a way to get there. which i wanted to do bc yeah.. i felt like he was my person#but it's just me. it's me alone in this room and i cant.. stay in here forever bc how is that a life? :(#so idk ig i'll hurt and ache and be in pain for a while. and hopefully one day be able to move on#but facing the world & future without him and not knowing if we'll even talk again is so scary and so hard :(#and like will *i* ever find someone who lights my heart on fire and makes me deeply feel and not being so scared i turn away from it?#the way he does... idk :(#i cant even imagine wanting anyone else but.. im alone in that feeling too so.. it is what it is it is what it is it is what it is
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blood flows from me and curses me every month, reminding me im nothing but lies and cheap tricks.
#fuck my life#if my mom deadnames me or the like one mopre time im going to cry#im in a pretty good situation in the sense i have a supportive family and friends but my mom doesnt want me to call me by my chosen name#cause itd be like im killing the me that was a girl#and i dont want to talk to her about the subject again#im so fucking tired#im never going to be a real man am i?#what is a real man?#im so tired of people calling me by my dead name or a girl or anything fucking similar to that#i wish i could just shove it to everyone#i dont know how much longer i can put up with this#i hate this all#why me#how much longer till i can transition#god knows thers no such thing as puberty blockers in the philippines#not like i could convince my parents to let me or go through the shit ton amount of mental assessments#im so tired#why is it that every time i discover something about myself life just gets harder#fuck this all#trans#trans man#transgender#trans ftm
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was going to have my First Webinar of uni and it was 2 mins (pre-recorded)
#i feel so humbled#i was so excited for this idk why i planned my day hour by hour#and i go to join 5 mins early#and it says the Webinar has started#its 2 minutes long#and pre recorded#😐#like WHAT#why do they put a time period of 1 hour when the video is less than 30 mins (they keep doing this for all the pre-recorded vids)#this is just a petty post idnfgkjdfnjhdgkndg;'#.evature#i was genuinely looking forward to watching this#i feel silyl also because i havent chosen my subjects yet#and it feels like I NEED TO#LIKE RN#but i dont know which ones to pick#and ngl the website for the uni feels user friendly but i keep opening new tabs that i think are important but idk what to do with them and#then#it feels complicated#idc im just going to binge watch all the recommended videos rn and take notes on them
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✎ STOP CALLING IT YOUR DREAM REALITY
why is it desired when it has already happened?
You need to realise that you are already in the reality you have chosen, you are in the reality that is desired. Stop viewing your new life as far-fetched and magical. Some of you think that with the crazy things in your script, it makes it harder to shift, than it would be to manifest something “small”. But let me tell you, you’re already there.
stop envying that girl’s body, you already have it, if not better
stop envying all the rich people’s vacations and hauls you see on socials, you live that life
stop envying the person with the pretty face, you have one too
stop getting jealous of a certain pop group, tv show cast or celebrity for getting to do the things that you want to do, you ARE doing all that you have ever wanted
stop envying the person your s/o has dating rumours with, they’re yours and always have been
because you’re a god.
stop getting jealous of the person with the perfect parents and rich family, your family was real the second you scripted them, you see them every day, no big deal
don’t you get it? the 3d isn’t real, what you’re seeing isn’t real if you don’t want it to be.
it’s not your dream reality, it’s your current reality, get comfortable and casual about it, it’s your everyday life, nothing special to you. stop scrambling for methods as if you aren’t in your reality already. stop treating your new life as a prize, it’s nothing special because you had it the second you thought about it. stop viewing your new life as some accomplishment to strive for, it’s your everyday experience, again nothing special.
as a god, every reality is your creation, why are you looking at your creations as the prize when the prize is you? why are you looking at your new life as something to work hard for, something to put effort in to have? why, why, why when it’s already yours?
you cant leave if you don’t acknowledge that this new life is already yours. You’ll always be in the state of desiring and never in the state of having if you don’t fix this mindset. It also puts more pressure on you when attempting to induce pure consciousness, you think everything is riding on inducing pure consciousness, you think your dream wont happen if you don’t do it. why do you think the weight of your new life relies on whether you’re able to induce pure conscious or whether you’re able to shift, when it’s already yours and you already live that life?
i’ll tell you why you think this way: it’s because you don’t see it as yours yet, you think it will only become yours when you have done all these things.
what you see: script + void/“I AM” state ➯ my dream life is finally mine
you see it as a process when it isn’t one, there is no process
what actually happens: i’ve created my dream life in my head ➯ i have it now, it’s not a dream anymore
it’s an immediate chain of events, not a process. so stop with the jealousy, being miserable and asking the same questions, it’s BEEN yours
as soon as you take that pressure away from the act of shifting, because you KNOW your new life belongs to you no matter what, it puts less stress on you, making inducing pure consciousness easier
that’s it that’s all, ITS ALREADY YOURS DONT SEE IT AS A PROCESS 🌌💋
#salemlunaa#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifting#permashifting#law of assumption#loa#void state#success story#the void#void concept#respawning#shifting community#shifting blog#shifters#void state tips#the void state#voidstate#i am state#pure consciousness
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— drop the attitude or ill make it drip out of you - m. riddle
- pairing: mattheo riddle x fem reader
- note: yes the title was inspired by some book, not sure though i saw it on tik tok!
- word count: 1.8k
- smut!!
one of your fellow slytherin friends had hosted a party for his birthday inviting you to it. you put on your tight white top that gave a perfect view of your breasts, a shiny pink skirt that just covered your ass, and long white boots.
as you sat across your vanity adding final touches to your makeup, you heard a knock on the door. you opened the door, and as you were expecting, pansy was standing in front of you. she was matching you, wearing the very same top except hers was red, a short skirt and black boots.
“i am so excited for this party, ive been waiting for it since Vance told me hes hosting it“ she said with a grin. “you plan to screw him tonight?” you asked. “maybe, i mean lets be fucking honest, its vance, like every fucking girl in school wants him, and he invited us, he walked up to us and invited us to his own party, you know how many girls gave me looks after that?” she chuckled and you smiled at her as you collected your stuff ready to leave.
the walk to the guy’s house wasn’t long so instead of spending money on an uber, you decided to just walk there. right when you arrived, you and pansy’s jaws almost disconnected, his house was huge. his birthday was hosted in his backyard and was cowboy themed, and so to complete the celebration, he even brought a dancing bull.
you meet some of your other friends and stick with each other for a while before you begin drinking and dancing. as you and pansy dance, you notice vance approaching the both of you. he then smiles at you before focusing on pansy, he takes her hand and twirls her checking her out. He then grabs her mouth in a kiss as you flee away and out of the dancing circle. you get into the kitchen and away from the crowd to grab some more alcohol.
you find one of the cupboards open and a bottle of whiskey on the counter. in attempt to get a cup, you stand on your tip toes trying to reach the cups when you feel a hand snake over your waist, “need help princess?” “no thanks riddle” you turned around to bump into mattheo riddle, you were now chest to chest with his hand still around your waist.
he was for some strange reason obsessed with you, although you had rejected him a bunch of times now, even after breaking up with your boyfriend, he wouldnt stop. “id love if you called me mattheo, matt, mine, maybe?” he said smirking. “you wish” you sighed rolling your eyes at him. “fuck y/n dont roll your eyes at me” “pardon?” “you know what you’re doing princess” “i do? maybe you want to tell me because it seems i dont” to this he just chuckled as he stared at your lips.
“don’t stare at my lips, riddle” “why, is it making you wanna kiss me” you sighed heavily at his stupid comment. then, your very amusing conversation is cut short when you see people exiting the house heading outside. you manage to slip out of riddle’s hold and leave the house to find the group of people stood around the bull.
you find pansy and the two of you watch people fly off the bull. everyone was being picked by the others attending the party, two people each round. pansy eventually gets chosen with vance and the both of them get onto the bull and he wraps his arm around her waist holding her for dear life. they then also fall off chuckling and laughing as they get up.
“alright now for our next two..” the guy who’s picking speaks. “y/n and mattheo riddle!” malfoy shouts. right then, a bunch of “ooo’s” and “woah’s” are shared as mattheo smirks. you get on the bull and say to him before you start “don’t you dare touch me riddle” you warn him as he just chuckles.
it begins and you hold on tight as you scream “holy mary mother of jesus!” you screech as it goes faster. you then slip away from the bull but mattheo manages to grab you just in time and pull you back, he brings you closer to him and holds your waist “fuckk riddle get your hands away” you complain.
he then dips his head in your hair saying “drop the attitude princess or ill make it drip out of you later”. you freeze and feel the heat take all over you skin, you can feel that bastard smirking without even looking at him. then as the bull gets faster and faster, in attempt to push you both off. you feel something poke you from behind as your ass rubs into mattheo’s cock.
“riddle what the fuck!” you scream as he laughs “i cant control it princess, look at what you do to me”. Failing to throw you off, the bull finally stops as everyone claps for you and congratulates you.
Mattheo gets off first and puts his hand out for you to take and get off. You take his hand and he helps you off then pulls you closer so that your lips are inches away from each other “you think you can make me feel like that and then just run away? don’t even try to get away from me, i want to hear you moan my name while i rearrange your insides with my cock.”
suddenly you forget how to breathe, your face goes red and you freeze. he smirks before leading the way to the nearest bathroom he could find. he wastes no time locking the door and placing you on the counter, him between your legs.
as you sit down, your skirt pulls all the way up revealing your pink panties covering your pussy. you both stare down, him whispering a “oh dear god” before looking back at you to tease you once again. “did you forget how to speak?” he teases as his face gets near yours, his breath tickling your skin as he gets closer, your noses touching.
“mattheo” you breathe. “hmm?” he teases once again as his lips attach to your skin, kissing on your jaw. he traces your jaw with kisses moving toward your neck, your hand lays on his cheek and you close your eyes biting down on your lip to stop any moans from escaping as he sucks and nibbles on your skin. he bites leaving marks everywhere and then proceeds to move even further.
his mouth finds its way to your boobs kissing them as your wrap your fingers in his hair tugging at it, pulling yourself near him. “mattheo dear god kiss me already” he stops what he’s doing and raises his head so that he’s staring up at you “okay ms brat maybe if you asked nicely maybe then-“ and he’s interrupted when you connect your lips in a hungry needy kiss, slipping your tongue inside.
he smiles into the kiss pulling you closer to his body humping his clothed organ against your pussy. with just cloth separating the two of you, you’re desperate for some sort of friction so you start rubbing your pussy against his pants. his fingers slide up your thighs getting to your panties as he pushes them down. as much as he was enjoying the kissing and teasing, he needed to be inside you immediately, he lowered his pants and boxers in one go.
he spreads your legs a little more and pushed into you as you threw your head back, fingers locked in his brown curls, you moan. “mm.. mattheo” he peppers kisses on your neck “yes princess?” “harder.. please i need to gg~ fuck!!” he used his thumb to rub your clit “dont stop im so close oh god!” as much as he’d wanted you to cum on his cock, he wanted to push you even further, he pulled out of you as you let out a disappointed gasp.
“and i thought school work was the only thing you couldn’t get done, should i finish this myself?” “shut the fuck up princess.. please” he smirks at you as he carries you off the counter, turns you around and gives your ass a smack. he then bends you over and raises your skirt once again.
he teases you this time, taking his time before you let out your arm and grab him by the neck, pulling his face closer to yours “fuck me hard and dont stop this time, or im going to have to interfere” before you even finish, he pushes into you causing you to arch your back. “fuckkk mattheo” as he thrusts in and out of you, he uses his hands to gather your hair make a makeshift ponytail out of it.
then, holding your hair with one hand, he slips the other under your stomach, pulling you closer to him. “deeper mattheo deeper” you whisper. suddenly, you hear a nock on the door “fuck off!” mattheo screams at the person on the other side.
as his work is useless, you decide to interfere and slide your hand down, rubbing circles around your clit. you throw your head back, laying it on mattheo’s shoulder which causes him to see your doing. “am i not good enough?” he spoke “you are, your dick isnt” you tease him. he raises and eyebrow sarcastically at your statement and then once again pulls out of you.
“for merlin’s sake mattheo!” “ill show you if my dick is good enough or not” he then carries you and places you on the counter, he makes you lay on your stomach, spreading your legs for him. he then pounds into you and begins thrusting, fuck it was so deep like this. your walls clench around his cock “you’re so tight like this, shit” your eyes roll to the back of your head as he hits your spot, kissing and nibbling on the skin, he leaves out no spot on your back or neck.
and in no time he has you shaking and whimpering coming down on his cock, “cum inside me, i want you to fill me up” “if you say so” and just then, mattheo cums inside you filling you up. he then helps you down and you both fix your clothes, you use the water to fix your hair while mattheo cleans the counter with a wet tissue paper.
“no word about this to anyone riddle.” “are you threatening me?” “maybe i am, wait that didnt sound serious enough, yes i most definitely am.” “well im not sure if i can last much longer without a round two of this” he teased, a smirk spreading across his whole face as you unlocked the door.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
was meant to post this on friday but i began binge watching a show so sorry for the delay
xoxo cindy
#slytherin boys#slytherin#harry potter#smut#mattheo riddle fanfic#mattheo x you#mattheo x y/n#mattheo riddle smut#mattheo riddle#slytherin smut#smutty fanfiction#fanfic
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Of Course It's You. It's Always You. - Alastor x Reader
Pairing: Alastor x Y/N
Word Count: 1103
Warnings: Slight Injuries, but nothing major :)
It happened again. Alastor had gone a bit too far when fighting off the many fiends that tried to ransack the hotel. This time it was some loan sharks that had come to hunt down who you had thought was the hotel’s newest resident, Mimzy. Sometimes you wondered why Alastor, a man known for only ever paying mind to his own flights of fancies and rarely ever entertaining anybody else lest it was to gain something for himself, was so passionate about this redemption project of Charlie’s. There wasn’t much time to ponder this, though, as Alastor had burst into your room bruised, exasperated, and covered in blood (was it his? you’d never know). You had never seen him this… defeated. He still wore his trademark smile, but something seemed off. It was his eyes.
Ever since you became a resident at this hotel, you had grown close to Alastor. He was just so… enthralling. Interesting. You hadn’t asked why he smiles so much, but instead learned how to read his eyes. And right now, his eyes needed help. You urged him to come to your floor and he sat down, gasping as you immediately pulled out your medical kit and applied alcohol to his bite wounds. Man, they weren’t joking when they said those loan sharks had the sharpest teeth out there. For the first time ever, you were thankful that Charlie kept a stocked cabinet of essentials in every room, but more than that, you were surprised that anything could even get close enough to Alastor to hurt him like this. As you bandaged his wounds and filled them with gauze to prevent further bleeding, you slowly unbuttoned his ripped shirt only to be met with equally ripped skin beneath it.
“Oh, Satan”
you say while quickly using the few remaining gauzes you had. He hadn’t said a word this entire time, only wincing when you pressed the bandages against his wounds. Without even saying a word, this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen the Radio Demon.
As both of your adrenalines died down, you faced him on the floor and asked him what happened.
“I’ve simply never seen anything like it before.” he said.
“They- They had silver teeth- made of Carmine angelic metal.”
While this seems rather insignificant, angelic weapons are the only thing that can kill Earth-born sinners. These scratches were not just inconvenient for the all-powerful Radio Demon, but lethal.
“Alastor… you need to be more careful. We could have lost you. Charlie IS the princess of Hell, you don't have to fight all of her battles for her.” you say.
Alastor’s voice rises.
“Y/N. You don't understand. I- I have to protect this hotel. This is larger than you could ever understand.”
For a second, you swear you could hear his radio voice falter slightly. You sigh in defeat. He could be so stubborn sometimes. As you lean your head against the leg of your bed, you repeat under your breath,
“I could have lost you.”
You put your face into your hands.
You had been attracted to Alastor ever since you started to get to know him. It was impossible not to. He was such a gentleman… such a thing could not be found just anywhere in Hell. And this man, this diamond among the rough, was almost torn away from you and your chosen family by some lousy loan sharks.
“What was that, Darling?” He broke the silence.
You lift your head off of your hands, slightly embarrassed that he heard you.
“Uh, nothing.”
You felt his hand on your arm, and slightly flinched. Alastor didn't seem like one who was very keen on physical touch, especially initiating it. You glanced into his eyes.
“Darling, don't dismiss yourself. When I ask you a question, answer it.”
You blushed slightly, looking at the distant wall to avoid eye contact.
“I said that I almost lost you. I just dont think I would be able to bear your absence. You- you have helped me see that there can be things worth fighting for, even in eternal damnation.”
Did you just - did you just say that shit out loud?!? Oh, that was corny as fuck, theres no way he’s staying in this room with you after that. Instead of appealing to your inner monologue and leaving, his hand met your face, possibly the gentlest touch you've ever felt.
“Darling, I’ve never once thought that a belle like you could ever think those things about a demon like me. I am truly honored to be a thought in your mind, and even so, a positive one. Why haven't you told me this sooner?”
Did you hear that right? Alastor, THE Radio Demon, just heard you confess your feelings for him… and he didn’t end your life right then and there? You stammered,
“I, um… uh,”
Alastor took your hand into his own, rubbing it with his thumb reassuring me.
“I can sense your anxiety, love. I assure you, you of all people do not have to fear me.” he calmly says.
“Only in my worst nightmares would I ever do anything to cause you harm. Despite my constant efforts to distance myself from you all in efforts to best serve this hotel, you have never faltered in your adamant spirit to just… know me. I know that it is not an effort to manipulate me, as you have not once asked me for anything in return for your constant care.”
As he finishes, you say, “How could I? You have done so much for us, for me, the least I can do is offer you somebody to confide in. Somebody that you can love without ever wondering if this love is reciprocated.”
The two of you sat in silence, staring at the red, wallpaper-plastered wall in front of you, his hand remaining on yours. You didn’t know if what you had said about love was a bit too far, but glancing over at Alastor gave you your answer. His regularly toothy grin was replaced by a small smile, a genuine smile. He moves himself closer to you to remove the distance between your two bodies and slowly guides your head to rest on his shoulder. This gentleness was refreshing. Just two souls that know the same struggle relinquishing in each other’s presence.
“Alastor?” you ask.
“Yes, my Darling?”
“That thing I said, about love… was that too much?”
He chuckled in reply as he leaned his head on yours. “Of course not, my love. Why do you think I came to you of all people?”
#alastor x you#alastor x reader imagines#alastor x reader#alastor#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel#radio demon#alastor angst#alastor fluff#hazbin hotel angst#hazbin hotel fluff#hazbin hotel mimzy#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel imagine#alastor imagine#alastor oneshot#hazbin hotel oneshots#alastor fanfiction#hazbin hotel fanfiction
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promises under the stars
It's strange. When kisses under stairwells and behind his parents house turns to no more than passing gazes. To hatred. But this is the life you live, the life you have chosen. So you live. You will live.
Jude x fem!reader
Word count - 6.3K+ (yikes !!)
Watch it - angst with minimal fluff. enjoy ?
p.s. - i took a few creative liberties with the time lines an what not so plz take it with a grain of salt and dont think too deeply about it thank u
you can read Judes pov here !
—-----
“Jude, “ you sigh. He doesn't look at you, he's afraid of what he’ll see and you know it.
It's a warm summer night, and you sit side by side on the bleachers of his training field. You waited for hours for him to be done, all for just a few moments together. In full honesty, you're not even supposed to be here, you've been threatened from both sides. And even family overseas have joined in. it's a mess. You think you told them you were off to the library, something like that.
You pulled so many strings just to be let inside to watch training, likewise for Jude. But you're here, he's here. That's all that matters.
Only the lights on the field illuminate you, but you have memorized his face to need no light to see him. Your fingers grab into the seat under you, knuckles turning white. You're afraid. Oh so afraid.
“Please,” you try again, soft and steady, patient.
He finds the courage to face you, ripping himself from the doubt that surrounds him.
You are what plants him to reality, keeps him steady. Your smile is enough to calm any worry, wave away any woe. He hates what he has to do.
“You know this is the last time I’ll see you,” he mumbles. He can't keep risking things the way they are. There's so many eyes on you as it is. He won't put you into harm's way, even if it means parting ways to do so. He wrings his hands together. Breathe, he tries to remind himself. Breathe.
You nod, swift and curt, “I know.” oh how you know. You've been dreading this day to come for a while now. And now that it's here, what can you do?
He picks at the cuffs of his training jacket,“I told them I would marry you, but my agent said it would be unwise.”
“You would marry me?” you whisper, eyes wide.
“A thousand times over. “ he finds your hand, gently lacing it together.
“I wish things were different.” a knot in your throat forms, and tears well in your eyes.
He presses a kiss to your forehead, gently bringing you snug against him as you sob. You will never understand why your families are so adamantly against you two all of the sudden. Your whole childhood was filled with teasing and jokes of marrying one another, giggles when you would be forced to stand in pictures, but now that it was to be true suddenly the jokes faded and anger took its place.
He is good for you as you are good for him. Jude is a man like no other, patient, caring, kind, soft and easy to you yet firm to all else. He holds each door open, never forgets flowers, even when he's away. Surprises you with your favorite sweets, never misses a good night or good morning text. Buys you things you mentioned casually in a fleeting conversation, all because it comes from your lips. If you were to wish for the world he would buy it all, tied neatly and delivered to your window sill.
He takes each burden off your mind with a smile, carries your things, sends a ride to any place you wish to be. (he's working on the actual license).
You fully expected your families to be static, jumping for joy and diving straight to wedding planning. Instead you were met with a brisk, “no.”
No? No to the man who has overtaken your heart and mind? No to the man who wishes to see your flourish and bloom in every regard, every aspect, every part of life? It's cruel in a way. You once used to grimace at the idea when you were younger, fake gagging and instead choosing to wrestle with him in the grass. And now you beg to be allowed to see him.
To ban your union is one thing, but to see him at all brings too much weight on your heart.
You fought every step of the way, every step until now. It gets to be too much at a certain point, when you have to watch your very move in fear of being caught, of being seen with him. When eyes wash over you with lips upturned in sneers and whispers soon following.
The delicate facade you've built is beginning to crack at the seams. Soon there will be nothing left to keep you together. You fear going mad.
So you choose to let him go.
Your phone buzzes, prying the two of you apart. Your heart leaps to your throat. Have you been found out ?
It's just a twitter notification.
You sigh, rubbing your eyes. He rubs gentle circles on your knee. His hands are warm. Just like you remember, just like you dream of. In the gentle quiet of your room you close your eyes and wish for him.
“We can't see each other but I want to keep in touch. I'll wait for you. If you'll wait for me.” he whispers.
You see the tears begin to roll down his cheeks. Ever thoughtful Jude, waiting for you to finish crying to allow himself to do so.
“I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes. “ you nod, leaning on his shoulder.
And you do just that.
Youre forced apart when a teammate tells him to get going.
He scowls, “hold on.”
The teammate, whose name alludes you, shrugs and jogs back inside.
You stand, watching him shake the tension out of his shoulders.
“This is it then,” you mumble, lip quivering.
“Yeah,” he takes your hands in his, “guess so.”
You bit your lip to stop any more cries. He unlatches a hand from yours, brining it to cup your face gently, wiping the streaks of dried treats left on your cheeks.
“I love you,” he leans down, pressing a single kiss to your lips.
“I love you,” you nod, chasing his lips. He gives them to you. Soft and easy. You screw your eyes shut. Oh you're crying again.
You part when you can no longer breathe, foreheads pressed together while your chests heave.
“My angel,” he sobs.
“Ill find a way back,” you kiss his cheek.
He nods, here,” shaking his training jacket off and putting it on you.
Someone yells his name and he sighs. One last kiss to your forehead.
You watch him sprint down the stands, giving you one last smile before disappearing in the tunnel.
—--
Dortmund is kind to him, you watch as you flourish on the field, never missing a game. You know it's too much to go in person so you stay tucked into bed, laptop out and always always waiting for his name to be announced. Giddy as he looks at the camera. Some days you even convince yourself he's looking right at you.
He calls when he can, facetime you when he's at the facilities. Obnoxiously flexing to the camera while you laugh. You treasure these moments. The few minutes a day when the time difference allows for an overlap. Just enough to get you through to the next day. He always blows a kiss to the camera, and you alway catch it. No matter how cheesy.
“I stubbed my toe.” he whines on the other end.
You laugh, “and whose fault is that.”
“Yours.” he decides.
“Uh huh.” you shake your head fondly, raising a brow at your phone that sits on a window sill. Today you're at a cafe getting some work done. And he just finished dinner.
“Think you'll be able to come to a game soon?” he asks, voice barely a whisper.
You stop typing, frowning, “Jude…”
He shakes his head, “I'm sorry. I know. We can't.”
“Maybe in a year or so? Things should be cooled down by then.”
“Sure,” he shrugs, “they still giving you a hard time?”
You blow air through your nose, “hard time is an understatement, they've practically banned sports.” making light of the outrages situation helps you feel better some days. Jude joining in helps. He always helps.
“So dramatic.” he tuts.
You nod, “so dramatic.”
—--
The year comes and goes. The texts slow down till they are few and far inbetween. You can't blame him. You watch him dominate the field in each appearance, breaking records and showing the world what you've always known, showing just how special he is.
His following count skyrockets and he gets a blue check. You feel special to be one of the few he follows. No matter how silly. Even when he doesn't reply to you and posts on his story you try not to take it too hard (you let it get to your head on bad days.)
You wait for each reply patiently like a lifeline nonetheless, connecting the two of you together. You drop everything the moment his name flashes on the screen. You try to ease the butterflies that float and twist in your stomach, the jitters that make it hard to type out responses right. But you can't help it.
He wins the German cup. And you get a call late into the night, bleary as you reach for your phone, groaning while you put it to your ear. Skipping over his face that illuminates the screen, smiling. Cheeks flush and eyes blown wide.
He giggles, “hi.”
“Hi,” you mumble back.
He giggles again, “m in your ear.”
You squint, bringing the phone in front of you and getting your first good look of him of the night.
“Hey Jude.”
“Hey love.” he sighs dreamily.
You come to your senses soon enough, scooting to sit upright, pushing your pillows around getting comfortable.
“Are you drunk?” You laugh.
“Shhh…” he puts a finger to his lips, “secret.”
You raise a brow, “you’re not doing a very good job at keeping it that way.”
Bursts of laughter bubble from his lips. Swaying side to side while. He blinks, hard, mouth open while he stares.
“ ‘M fine.” He nods. Proud of himself.
You frown, “Are you going to be okay? Are you alone?”
“Erlings with me. My best roommate.”
“Okay good. Be safe.”
“You’re so pretty.” Is what he manages to get out.
“Thank you. You should go to bed.” You smile. He’s sweet, no matter how drunk.
“But I missed you.” He pouts, bottom lip quivering and for a second you think he’s about to cry. Instead he blows a kiss to you. Of course you catch it.
“I missed you too. But it’s late, for both of us.” You lean against your pillow, blinking against the dark of your room.
He hums, tapping his finger against his chin. “I won the cup.” He blurts.
“I know love. I watched.”
His eyes go wide, “you watched me.”
You nod, “the whole game.”
He scrunches his nose, “wow.”
“You did amazing.”
“Wow.” He repeats.
You yawn, squinting against the time in the little corner of your phone.
“Jude.”
“Hm?”
“Head to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
He sighs, shoulders sagging, “fine.”
“I love you. “
He perks right back up. “I love you. You. You.”
You give him a little kiss to the screen and he manages to fall back on his bed sighing happily. You hear erling come in and decide to hang up. You hope he manages to get out of his kit for the night.
——
Things start to calm down on your end. It's almost like everyone's choosing to forget about the hell they've put you through. But you don't make a fuss, you are happy to have peace of mind, no matter how fleeting it may seem. It's just one step closer to being able to have him. Fully and wholly.
He calls you early into the morning. He's sitting in his house, shirt off, smiling.
“Uh oh. What's this about? “
He only smiles wider, bringing an ipad out of nowhere and showing it to you.
You squint, “jude i can't see that. “
He huffs, “here,” picking up his phone and flipping the camera to where his ipad now sits on his lap.
On the screen reads flight information, for about 2 weeks out, destination is to you. Your eyes go wide and you hear him chuckle on the other end.
“No way. No way oh my god.” you all but squeal.
He flips the camera back around, “Can't wait to see you again,” he beams.
“I missed you so much.”
“Me too.” he mumbles, lips curling in a smile.
——-
You greet him at the airport, flowers in hand. No you don’t care how cheesy it is. Even if you have to wait in the most obscure place, car parked and nerves rising. Playing with every button and switch on your dashboard, picking at every spec of dust you can reach. You got it detailed yesterday and you’re already nitpicking.
You check and recheck your phone, picking at the petals of the flowers that rest in your passenger, until his contact illuminates your screen.
You frantically answer, “hey.”
“TSA was being a bitch.” He groans.
You chuckle, “that bad.”
“The worst. Where you at?”
You look around for signs, “arrivals, right next to the luggage cart return thing. It says door D5. “
“D5. Okay okay I’m coming.”
You hum, hanging up and drumming your hands on the wheel.
He calls you again, “okay I’m walking out the door. Can you help me with the luggage?”
“Yeah-“ you unbuckle your seatbelt, putting your hazards on and stepping out of the car. You see him walk out the door and you almost drop your phone while rushing up to him.
He lets go of his carry on, opening his arms and you slip right into them.
“Hey,” he hums into your hair.
You laugh,“hey.”
You unlatch far too soon for your liking out the sounds and rush of the airport pushes you to get him in your car and outta here.
You grab his things, one carry on and one checked bag, clicking your keys and opening your trunk. He doesn’t let you do much else, lifting the suitcase and sliding it inside. Your little 4 door sedan manages to fit the checked bag in your truck. With not enough room for the carry in, it slides into your back seat.
You close the door, patting the top of your car affectionately, “there. All good to go?”
He nods, opening the door to your passenger and gasping, “flowers?” Eyes going wide, eyebrows shooting in and looking at you. Lips parted.
Oh yes. You forgot about those. “Haha. Yeah. Flowers.”
He picks them up gingerly, setting them into his lap as he gets into the seat. “Are these for me?”
You hop to the driver's side, buckling your seatbelt, “duh.”
He giggles,”they’re sweet.”
“Smell them.”
He does, putting his face in the petals, “woah.”
“Best flowers in town.”
“Smells like. Fresh laundry.” He nods.
“Laundry. You called my flowers laundry.” You sigh.
He swats your arm, “it’s a compliment jeez. Just landed and you’re giving me a hard time.”
“Yeah yeah buckle up.” You flick his arm.
The ride home is one filled with animated stories to catch up the time between you two. Completely oblivious to anything else as you drive with one hand, and the other plays with his fingers.
You get to your little apartment, parking and getting his things out. Sliding your key card over the sensor and you guide him to the lobby.
You roll over to the elevator and hit the button. Sniffling while it heads up.
“Are you sick?” He narrows his eyes at you.
“Nah.”
“Mkay.”
The elevator dings and you find your way to your little home, unlocking the door and motioning him inside.
“Ta da!”
He snorts, “I’m excited.”
“You should be. Best house this side of the equator.”
He rolls his things inside, shaking his head, “so there’s better on the other side?”
You shrug, “there might be.”
He collapses on your couch the moment he sees it. Closing his eyes and sighing deeply.
“Shoes off at the door Jude.” You slide yours off and set them next to your shoe rack.
He groans, kicking them off and trudging back to set them next to yours.
By the time you put his things in your room, he's out like a light, snoring softly.
—--
You let him sleep, by the time he comes back to it it's dinner time. Groggy and cranky he pads over to your dining table, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes but reaching for you.
He finds you eventually, plating the last bit of food while he wraps his arms around you, leaning into your back. You stifle a laugh while he mumbles something about you being mean. You only roll your eyes, unlatching his grip.
“Time to eat baby.”
He only purses his lips, leaning against yours. You give him what he wants. Pressing a gentle kiss and guiding him to his seat. A sleep Jude is a clingy one you've learned.
He eats all you make, complimenting and praising you after every bite.
“You're so good at this.” he sighs, taking a sip of his water.
“Anything for my favorite boy.”
He preens at this, smiling wide.
He's only here for the next three days but you'll take anything you can get.
——-
Jude worries for you.
Even in the gentle lull of your ac that fans his face while you're fast asleep against him.
He wonders who much longer he can keep doing this. Holding onto hope that down the line he will still have you.
His time is running out with you. It feels just like the day you parted at the stadium. Crying. He noticed you kept the jacket, neatly tucked in your closet.
It makes him frown. Making you waste your youth waiting for him.
Part of him wants to keep you for him and only him. Keep waiting and hoping things will work out. Another part of him, much less excited, wishes for you to look him in the eye and tell him you don't love him anymore.
One of you has to do it, he thinks.
Even if you move in with him and you get married. Is it worth the fall out? His mother hates you. His father cant stand hearing your name at the dinner table on the few days they eat together.
He knows the sentiment is shared on your end.
But he loves you. Oh how he loves you.
—--
After he leaves you don't hear from him for months on end your worry rises, and when the replies also shorten, your fear takes a hold of you. Sensibility out the window and in comes every insecure thought.
He's found a hot shot model to be with hasn't he. Or better yet a female player. Reporter perhaps? You're not dumb or blind, you know you're not the only one who sees how handsome he is. He's growing into his features beautifully. But does he see you?
Is he leaving you behind now, as his life and career continue to accelerate at speeds you can barely keep up with, is he no longer waiting for you ?
—--
Jude finds his routine once again. Training playing, training playing. It's a little dull, he thinks.
Much better if you would be here.
But he can't have that.
He stops himself from talking to you. It feels wrong. He can't shake off the feeling that he's only doing you wrong by making you keep up with him. So he slowly distances himself.
—--
He cant stay away. Not even if he tries.
He surprises you near your birthday. Completely unannounced while you're in the middle of cleaning.
You open the door to a jittery Jude who grabs you close, pressing his lips firm to yours.
“Hello to you too,” you giggle in between kisses.
Peck! “You're so-” peck!, “beautiful.”
You shoo him away, getting his things inside as he takes his shoes off at the door.
“I missed you so much, “ he mumbles against the crook of your neck.
“Me too,” you sigh, clutching into his hands like a lifeline.
“I got you tickets?”
You look up at him, “okay. Ill go.”
He attacks you with a hundred more kisses, bursts of laughter spilling from the both of you. You dont think youve ever been happier.
—--
You do go. Sitting in the fancy VIP section while watching him warm up. You almost forgot he’s at Madrid now. Big leagues huh.
He sends small waves your way in between exercises. And you only watch fondly.
When it's time for the actual match, you can't believe you get to watch him score. And he points right to you.
You love him. Oh how you love him.
He finds you after it's all set and done. Kissing you silly while he ignores the hundreds of notifications that make his phone buzz and sputter on the table.
You frown, “who is that.”
He chews his lip, “prolly just the guys,” leaning back into your lips.
You're forced to part ways when the calls flood in, promising to see you soon when he takes care of things.
He doesn't come back to see you, instead leaving you to head back to your hotel alone. You try not to think too deeply into it. But you fear you are already starting to lose him. After everything really has passed and fizzled out to nothing but memories. You fear it's all too late.
—--
You see him only once more during your stay in madrid. When youre all packed and leaving. He presses kisses to your skin whispering promises. And you believe him.
When you land back home you go back to your routine of watching him from afar. And again the replies shorten. So much so you only get the odd text every few weeks. Until it turns to months. And you're back to radio silence.
It's almost a self pity party, trying to keep up with him. Even now that you can go see him, he can come see you, does he even want that anymore?
You crave to talk to him, to know him, to go back to the closeness you once shared. You know that's no longer your place in his life. You were someone he once treasured. Now you're another unanswered dm that lays in his inbox.
Does it hurt you as much as it does him? You don't think so. Not when pictures of him on vacation with his “friends” surface. Who even are these people? You don't recognize a single face. It fills you with rage.
Almost like he's trying to erase his past life with this new squeaky clean image of the perfect player with the perfect life. Friends and all.
Is he ashamed of you?
You fight the urge to call his mom and stir up trouble from the past. So instead you hunker down in your room and try to keep yourself busy and mind off of Jude. This turns out to be much easier said than done.
—--
Jude finds himself in another after party, wearing clothes much too expensive to be getting champagne sprayed all over them. But what else can he do?
He crafted this image delicately. Can't turn back now.
There's a woman who keeps whispering into his ear. She's not you. No matter how much his teammates howl and egg him on. He can't bring himself to do so much as face her.
He's not interested, gently moving her aside while he nurses his drink.
She scoffs, calling him a slew of names. He frowns, excusing himself and making a beeline for the bathrooms. Locking himself inside a stall and leaning on its walls.
He calls you. Of course he does. And you pick up.
“Hey Jude.” he can hear the smile in your voice.
“Hey love.”
“What's up?”
He sighs, long and drawn out, “I just miss you.”
You snort, “really because it seems like you've been having a blast on beaches with people i've never heard of.”
Oh.
“It's not like that-”
“Jude. don't lie to me. If you've found someone else, tell me now.”
“I havent I swear. They really are just friends.”
“Why didn't you tell me you were going?” you whisper.
There's a beat of silence. And Jude can't find the answer. Looking at the ceiling of the club like it will magically come to life and give him just the right combination of words to make both of you happy.
You sigh, “if we are going to make anything work I can't be out of the loop this much Jude. I can't know things after paparazzi do okay?”
“Okay,” he replies, meek.
“Where even are you?”
He licks his lips, “this after party thing.”
“Its in a club isn't it.”
He doesn't answer but it's confirmation nonetheless.
“Dont be stupid and start calling me more.”
He opens his mouth to answer, but you've already hung up. He rubs his eyes and head out the stall. Washing his hands and splashing some water on his face.
When he gets back out there, he decides to call it a night. Ignoring the groans and frowns he gets.
When he's back in bed. He's looking at flights to see you again.
—--
Jude gets a call a few weeks later.
It's right after he gets back from training. Hasn't even changed yet.
The number is unknown and he ignores it the first time. Setting his phone on the dinning table and kicking his shoes off.
When it calls back two more times he picks up.
“Hello?” he scratches the back of his head.
“You know why im calling.” its your father.
Jude scrambles to take a seat, chewing his lips. What does he mean know why. He hasn't talked to you in a few days.
“Um, I really don't know-” he gets cut off.
“This will be my last warning to you. You are not going to ruin my daughter's life i dont give a damn how old you are, how old she is. None of this player nonsense. She has a proper education. You aren't going to ruin that for her, do you understand?”
Silence.
“I swear if I hear you coming around her or talking to her I will sue you and your whole family.”
The line goes dead and Jude sighs. Great. Just great.
He calls his lawyer, seeing if it would be legal to sue.
His lawyer hums, “well they can come at you from any angle really. Emotional distress possible defamation. Id lay low for now.”
So he does just that. Yet again going silent on you.
—--
He hears wind that people have put two and two together. Your instagram has been flooded with requests. You've always had it private but you've been forced to change your user name and picture.
You don't know how but pictures from when you saw him in Madrid have resurfaced.
And have gone more than just viral. It's all people are talking about.
Your work life has gone from just pleasantries and work only talk to people crowding around you begging to know more. You've had people show up to your workplace for god's sake. Begging to be let in so they can see you.
Jude calls you, worried. “I'm so sorry I don't know how pics were even taken. I'm so sorry im so sorry.”
“I don't know what to do Jude i've never dealt with this kinda stuff.” you mumble.
“Hey, hey its okay. Ill get you in contact with a security company dont worry leave it to me.”
“Okay.”
“For now. I dont think ill be able to see you anytime soon.”
“Thats okay.”
“Be safe yeah?”
“Yeah.”
—--
Your family is in a complete uproar. They blame Jude. of course they do. Your father talks about suing him but you turn it down.
“He didnt mean for this to happen.”
Your mother shakes her head, “this is why we told you to stay away from him.”
You dont regret any moments with him.
It takes a while. A grueling few months for your life to finally go back to normal. But Jude rarely comes back like before.
You watch the months turn to years flashing by. Facetimes become a luxury of your past self. Calls are reserved for special occasions like an aged wine. Only brought out sparelily. You get one on your birthday but it feels forced. Heavy and filled with all too much silence.
You've tried calling, texting. Rarely receiving the time of day. Who is Jude to you anymore?
“Hey, “ he smiles. A picture perfect rehearsed one. You almost forgot what he sounded like when speaking to you. How long has it been now?
“Hi.” You mumble.
“Happy birthday. Sorry I couldn’t be there.”
You shrug, “it’s okay.”
Silence while you pick your nails.
“Any plans?”
“I don’t know, maybe dinner with friends.”
“Oh Emily?”
You want to roll your eyes. You haven’t spoken to Emily in years.
“No Jude. We’re not in touch anymore. New friends I’ve met”
He mouths a silent “oh”.
He wants to tell you why he's been gone for so long. But unfortunately he's caught up in a legal battle. Your father actually went ahead with it. And he's stuck trying to make sense of it.
The maniac got good lawyers. And he's using every last bit of the law to win it. Using the leaked pictures that caused you so much trouble as his main leverage.
He's been advised not to talk to you. But it's your birthday. And now seeing you moved on, new friends, new life. It feels like it's time to let go.
For your sake. He's only brought problems into your life. And you live a life now without him. He just hopes you're happy.
—--
You see him once, passing by through the city center. You want to run after him, grab his shoulders and shake him awake, scream and yell, beg for him to remember your promise. But you do none of that. The second your gaze meets his, your heart leaps to your throat, you blink and he's gone.
You get a text from him a few days later, first since your birthday.
Was nice seeing you.
You want to cry. What did he see? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It wasn't nice. Not at all. It was awful. It ripped any piece of sense out of you and made you sick.
You dont reply.
—--
You wish you had. He gets called to the national team, and suddenly your family begins to boast of your connection to him. And that's just it. Your connection. Not theirs. Yours. You know him, you love him. Or you knew him.
After so many years of cursing his name now they all but sing it.
The local community is hosting watch parties, you refuse to go.
You know the gossip around you as is. You don't need it said to your face. These people are unforgiving on their best days, cruel on their worst. More so the older generation who seems to hold not an ounce of basic human decency.
And somehow you find yourself in a room painted in blue and white, you look away at the stares you get when you walk in. You're regretting coming at all. You're wearing a blank jersey you've had for a while, slumped in the corner of the room, watching. Waiting for the comments to pour in sooner or later.
But they don't, not for now. Instead, the room erupts with cheers and applause as Jude scores a goal, you smile. Not bad for a midfielder huh. The air is electric with excitement, but you feel detached, as if you're watching the scene unfold from a distance, picking at the plate of sweets that rests on your knee.
As the game progresses, you can't help but steal glances at Jude on the screen. He looks different now, more confident, more assured. He's cut his hair, clean and precise. And yet, there's a sadness in his eyes that mirrors your own.
You wonder if he thinks of you, if he remembers the promise he made all those years ago. Has it really been years? But the thought is fleeting, lost amidst the chaos of the crowd and the weight of your own heartache. And soon I have a headache.
When the final whistle blows and England emerges victorious, the room erupts into celebration once again. But you slip out quietly, unnoticed, lost in your own thoughts.
Outside, the night air is cool against your skin as you make your way home. You're not waiting on anyone, and it's a short walk away. The streets are quiet, the sounds of celebration fading into the distance.
You pause for a moment, taking in the stillness of the night. And in that moment, you make a decision.
You may not have chased after him when you had the chance, but you refuse to let this be the end of your story. You refuse to let fear and doubt hold you back any longer. There is no use to let yourself be defined by what ifs.
With a determined step, you pull out your phone and type out a message to Jude.
Watched you play tonight. I'm proud of you.
It's a small gesture, but it's a start. And as you hit send, you feel a glimmer of hope stir within you.
Maybe, just maybe, this isn't goodbye after all. Maybe there's still a chance for the two of you to find your way back to each other, to rewrite the ending of your story.
But for now, all you can do is wait. Wait for his reply, wait for the future to unfold, and wait for the day when you can finally be together again, without fear or hesitation. In a way he'll always be your Jude.
——
News reaches you in the form of an instagram post on a summer day. Not family, not friends, not him. It’s your explore page that plasters it on your screen, in the middle of your morning routine you see him all tidied up in a suit, facing away from the camera, the side of his face illuminated by soft light. Next to his side is a woman in white, you only see a peek of her face but you call tell shes smiling.
“Just married.”
Married. Just. Married.
Oh.
You don't register it at first, the words looking more like a foreign language than any coherent sentence. So you finish brushing your teeth and your hair. Moisturizing your face, slipping back into bed and rereading it over and over and over again till it finally does click for you.
He gave up on waiting.
You keep going back to the picture. He's grown into a proper man now. His features are full and bright. He's gotten a different haircut. Leaving behind the one of his youth. You read through the comments of teammates and old friends congratulating him.
You realize the tie he's wearing is the one his dad got him when he first left for dortmund. You think you're gonna be sick.
No one bothers to ask why you've been crying all day. It's safe to assume everyone knows by now, hell the whole population probably does.
What changed his mind? What made it that he couldn't even bother to let you know beforehand?
And yet there's a stupid prick of hope that can't seem to go away. You're still waiting for him aren't you.
—--
As the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months, the reality of his marriage settles heavily on your shoulders. You can't help but wonder if he thinks of you, if he remembers the promises made under the stars, if he regrets the choice he made. But you push those thoughts aside, burying them deep within you, because what good would they do?
A sick twisted idea of wrecking his home blooms in your mind, but you know you can't. You just can't. Not to him. You can't take away something like this from him.
Life goes on, as it always does, but the ache in your chest remains, a constant reminder of what could have been. You try to distract yourself with work, with friends, with anything that will keep your mind from wandering back to him. Yet, he's always there, lingering in the back of your thoughts like stardust.
You hear snippets of his life through mutual acquaintances, through social media posts, through the grapevine of gossip that always seems to find its way to you. He's thriving, it seems, his career reaching new heights, his personal life seemingly content. Apparently he has a kid on the way, would you look at that. And you can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. To top it all off you still have no clue on who this woman is. Not who she is, what she does, where she's from. Absolutely nothing, it drives you mad to say the least.
He hasn't spoken to you. Not since that day in the city center.
Maybe if you would have known all that was to come you would've gone after him. Chasing him endlessly through cobblestone stress and crowded walkways. Would he have even stopped? Given you a moment of his day?
The same man who spent his days off in your apartment kissing your worries away and promising you a tomorrow you still cling to.
You're a foolish foolish woman. And for some reason, you don't hate him. You don't think you ever could. Even after everything, every single year that's passed. A part of you will always love him.
—--
#jude x you#jude bellingham#jude bellingham x reader#jude x reader#bahr footy#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham x you#jude bellingham blurb#jude x y/n#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham angst#jude bellingham fanfic#jude bellingham fic#jude bellingham fluff
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I CAN AND I WILL (i needed to find the post for a discussion i was having so i reblogged it so keep it up in my blog so I wouldn't risk losing my train of thought jdshkf)
hey actually it's striking to me that this is the exact opposite of "everyone else is useless" if u think about it. I think this is more truthful to how he feels as it's not an emotional reaction he's having to some unpleasant event
#and yes it's absolutely like that#i wrote to my friend that i dont think his selfishness and vindictive reactions are necessarily part of his nature but rather emotional -#reactions and coping due to high volatility (which we know is a thing with him even down to his genes)#but that i really think on a natural level hes driven to niceness (again in a nurturing way) but it's just. complicated ok#his situation is compromised#just like everytime something goes wrong he's inclined to overreact. thats just what i think. he IS volatile#oh shit my mind just went ''maybe that's why he craves stability and stasis'' ok go off#musing#sorry for putting the good stuff (discussion) in the tags and the normal reply in the text feel free to screenshot if u have to reply shgrg#my baby boy is the chosen one to find equilibrium between two halves ? good and evil ? creation and destruction ? earth and keron ?#the missing link? more likely than u think
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Umm, i don't know if you take requests but I really liked the story with y/m when she had sensory or loudness issues, I can't remember. And I wanted to ask if you can make another one with ADHD y/n?
sensory
christopher sturniolo
as me and chris step into the event arms linked, i could immediately tell this was gonna be a long night.
having ADHD came along with a lot of things but one of them being sensory issues. loud noises and crowded places often bothered you which was why you felt quite overwhelmed when you entered.
to begin with, the dress you had chosen to wear was itchy and scratchy so you pulled at the sides trying to make it better. newsflash! it didn’t work.
you and chris had only been dating for a couple months so he wasn’t really aware of how extreme you’re sensory issues were.
chris had led you two over to matt and nick who were standing at a table. “hey guys ,” you greet them. smiling at them instead of hugging them to avoid any contact to your exposed skin.
chris puts his arm around you and you tense up ‘you okay?’ nick mouths to you. you nod with a tight lipped smile but he knew something was up.
as it started getting more stuffy in the room you grew more sweaty and your dress more tight. you couldn’t take it anymore “chris,” you tap him. “hey you okay?” he whispers. you feel your eyes brim with tears as you shake your head. “c’mon” he whispers leading you outside. once our there he sits next to you on the concrete steps as he asks you “what’s wrong,"
“everything is too tight and sweaty. and- and its too loud and crowded and-“ you ramble out “can i hold your hands?” he asks “can you hold something- anything else, my hands are sweaty.” you ask your head low feeling embarrassed. chris settles for grabbing your thighs “its okay now, do you wanna go get my hoodie from the car and change into it?” he asks considering he knew you were wearing shorts under your dress. you nod standing up
“im sorry,” you mutter "what are you sorry for?” chris asks “i just- just cause i have sensory issues you have to leave an event for your job and you’re leaving your brothers and-“ chris cuts you off “no, dont say that ma. i love you and that event was lame anyways” he gives you a sweet smile. “i love you chris,” you place a soft kiss on his cheek. “i love you more ma,” he helps you up off the steps, placing a soft hand over your hip. “is this okay?” he gestures towards his hand. you give him a nod leaning your head on his shoulder.
you finally make it to the car, chris opens the passenger door. “you have shorts under your dress right?” he asks digging through the bag he had in the car. “yeah,” you scratch your arms to try and distract you from the scratchy material of your dress. “okay here you go, are you fine just wearing your shorts?” he asks handing you the blue fresh love hoodie. you slide it over your dress then slowly remove the dress leaving you in his hoodie and your shorts. “yep,” you smile, reaching up to wrap your arms around chris’ neck pulling him into a tight hug. you inhale chris’ warm scent. “thank you chris.” “of course baby,”
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo imagines#matt sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo imagine#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets x reader#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo fluff#matthew sturniolo smut#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo smut
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Not everything needs to be announced, do not put a target on your back.
With the rise in popularity of things like 6b4t, 4b, decenter men, etc I'm seeing a lot of women bragging to maIes about it which will not help us. At the end of the day maIes do not care about our happiness, look at how they get off on womens abuse, they constantly seek to break women down at every twist and turn, they dont actually give a fuck about whether single childfree women are the happiest demographic out there. Maturing as a single childfree woman is realising that it's not just about hating maIes but being indifferent to them, not caring about their opinions at all. Only recognise them for the threat & parasites they are. I dont care to prove maIes wrong. This doesn't mean I ignore or hold positive sentiments to them, I just focus on centering myself and womankind in my life instead. I often see women bring up points about single childfree women & our happiness to maIes when maIes already know that.
Let's assume that maIes dont know that women are happier when we're single, why does it matter that they know just how much happier women are when they're single? Given the way maIes have treated women, do you really think maIes give a fuck about women being happy? Do you really think that if maIes didnt know how single childfree women felt before & when they find out how happy single childfree women are they'd be pleased about it? Or that they'd care?
For every single childfree woman is a maIe without a rape maid, a maIe without someone to pummel their legacy through, etc yk how it goes. MaIes are already feeling the effects of our freedom & they're starting to retaliate. In south korea female only parking spaces were replaced with family spaces, in the USA there's project2025 & how they want to coerce women back into the nuclear family unit, in the UK many sexual offenders are being released from prisons due to "overcrowding".
Back to my point on indifference, part of that is realising that all of this shit goes beyond witty one liners on the internet. MaIes are fully aware of everything they do and how they benefit from it. To the women who brag to maIes about 4B et al, what is the end goal here? Is it truly decentering maIes as claimed or is it some type of strategy to spook maIes into being good boys? Because I've seen women try to be threatening with it like "maIes need to get their act together or we they wont be chosen/we'll 4B!" and this is still maIe centric in a way. Sounds harsh but many womens tiktoks, tweets, of this nature tend to have maIe partners or are still looking anyways so it only makes things harder for those actually serious about this. I feel like many women believe at some point maIes would grovel back to them & 'apologise' for their actions and start being better like no; maIes have intentionally done everything through force & violence including wanting a partner & children. MaIes arent going to change nor will ever change on their own. MaIes dont just want parters or children, they want this at the expense of womens lives; our goals, our dreams, and our humanity so they sure as shit dont care about our happiness.
There is thing as centering maIes even in a negative way, I saw it described as "chaotic misandrist" on the pinkpill site. Many women talk about how they want nothing to do with maIes but then make it their entire personality. Many women on tiktok are using 4B as some titillating leverage over maIes or as some divine femininity woo woo femme fatale shit. All of that still centers maIes. What needs to be realised is that it's not all about maIes. I dont solely do this as a "fuck you" to maIes, will it be? Yes. But that is not my primary reason for not dating or reproducing. Dont make this a thing where you solely want to get back at maIes. MaIes dont negotiate so attempting to barter is a waste of time and tiptoes on maIe apologism because even if maIes apologised for all the things they've done I would still not forgive them. I would still want the worst for them. Ik in that situation most women would forgive them without a second thought.
Women saying "act right or else 4B" are saying this because they still want to make it work with maIes. If there's negotiation it means a connection still wants to be formed which misses the entire fucking point. It aint about maIes it's about yourself and womankind. This is why it's hard for me to trust other women because it wont take much for them to cave as has been throughout history. I dont care what moids think about all this, as I said my primary concern regarding maIes is the threat they pose. I dont care whether they'd ever change. Anyone serious about this wouldn't be dangling the prospects of not partnering with them in maIes faces especially bc part of what leads to this is realising that maIes are dangerous & there's no reforming them. Dangling this in their face is poking the bear and maIes have no limits as to how low they'll stoop to get what they want. They'd kill themselves to prove a point.
So for the love of goddess, stop bragging to maIes about this. Doesnt matter if they say you'll be a miserable cat lady like bet. Deep down we all know they need us more than we need them. This isn't to say to hide & be ashamed of it, but it wont do women favours exposing our play to our predators.
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Oooo darling!! Your latest TASM fic sparked and idea!
(Before that, hello lovely 🩷 i hope you're having the best spooky season!)
Big brother!Sirius coming to save some poor sod that upset his slytherin!sister (Regulus' twin). So you have the charming & fun Sirius; quiet & regal Regulus; loyal & volatile reader. And i imagine Sirius calls them his twin stars (because hes deffinately a huge sap).
Where wolfstar is in 7th year and has a great relationship with the twins (maybe theyre trying to become their legal guardians behind the scenes). He and Remus are in their dorm before Peter bursts in, breathless, only saying "y/n" before Sirius is off. He has no doubt to why you were put in 🐍, and god forbid someone actually hurt his baby sister.
On reader's side, someone made a snide comment about Remmy being a halfblood or ruining the Black legacy or something and reader gets pissed because shes actually quite fond of him.
Then whatever you decide love; maybe reader gets hurt; maybe she does the hurting; maybe Remus saves the day with his long legs; or Sirius might show people what growing up in the 'Noble house of Black' does to someone. And idk what Reggie is doing, i imagine he was making out with James and they come in at the last minute ("😱 james!! What have you done!? Youve DEFILED one of my precious stars!!! Let go of him!!!! NO, dont touch him, get away.")
Anyway bub, as always; dont feel pressured and take all the creative liberties youd like!! Love you lots darling x
Hi my lovely, thanks for requesting! I really need to get more creative than bloody noses but ugh they're just so classic
cw: blood
big brother!sirius + (as opposed to x, I guess?) little sister!reader ♡ 861 words
“You weren’t there!” you insist as Sirius stalks back and forth across the room, tapping his wand against his leg in a quick, restless beat. “He said—he—” You look at Remus, the boy’s eyebrows drawn together in concentration and concern as he presses a cloth under your nose, trying to stop the blood that’s already crusted down your chin. You decide to keep your mouth shut.
Remus smiles wryly, and you know he suspects why you’ve chosen to go quiet. “It doesn’t matter what they said, love. I don’t need you getting in fights for me.”
“Who was it?” Sirius demands, for probably the fourth or fifth time. You’re losing count.
“It’s already been hand—ah!” Remus murmurs an episky while you’re distracted, and you flinch, hands flying to your face as your septum snaps back into its proper place. “Fuck, could’a given me some warning.”
“Sorry,” Remus says, and he looks like he means it, tilting your chin up to continue cleaning your face as you look at him with teary eyes. “Thought it might hurt less if you weren’t expecting it.”
“How do you figure?” you ask him, somewhat miffed.
“Back. On. Task.” Sirius claps his hands with each word, coming to a stop in front of you. “Who did this? Remus is my boyfriend, I have twice as much a right to defend his honor as you do, you—you fucking—squirt.”
You sneer at the childish name, but you know your brother means to rile you. “I told you, I handled it. He won’t do it again.”
“And he’s never going to touch you again either,” Sirius promises menacingly, squatting in front of you to look you in the eyes, “if you just tell me the fucker’s name.”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Remus says, taking his boyfriend’s shoulder in a spindly hand, the touch both soothing and controlling as he pushes Sirius back from you. “Let’s just let her rest for a minute, yeah?” Sirius sputters in protest, but Remus moves in front of him, pressing his face into his boyfriends’ dark locks. You roll your eyes at the display, though a tiny part of you loves that your brother has someone who loves him this well. Once he quiets, Remus speaks in a low, soothing voice. “I know, I know, you won’t be deterred from your vengeance, but there’s time for that later. Let’s just calm down for now.”
It’s a lovely prospect, but at that moment, the door opens to reveal Regulus and James, both looking somewhat ruffled. James stops short at seeing you all gathered in his dorm (Remus and Sirius, of course, have every right to be here, but you’d bet he and Reg were hoping for some privacy) and stands there blinking for a moment. Your twin’s blasé facade slips the moment he sees you with blood still crusted to your nostrils and tear tracks down your face.
“What happened?” he asks, pushing past James and into the dorm.
“She got into a fight,” Sirius says, outrage instantly rekindled, and Remus sighs in exasperated resignation, his work undone. “Someone said something about Moony, but she won’t tell who.”
Now James looks upset too, eyes darting to Remus concernedly. “About Moony? When?”
“Just now!” Sirius throws up his hands. “Ten minutes ago! Did either of you see anything?”
James shakes his head, and despite Regulus’ blank expression, you catch the embarrassed shifting of his stance. “No,” James says, “we were, uh…we didn’t see anything.”
“I bet I know who it was though,” Regulus offers, that traitorous scum. He’s just throwing you under the bus to take the heat off himself.
It works; Sirius perks up. “Yeah? Who?”
“It doesn’t matter who,” you say, but Sirius cuts you off, facing your twin.
“Who?” he asks.
“It was the guy you were arguing with yesterday too, right?” Reg glances at you for confirmation, and you glare at him. Don’t you dare, your look says, but he nods and turns back to Sirius. “He’s your year, the one you guys call Sni—”
“Reg and James were coming in here to have sex!” you blurt.
It’s a wonder Sirius doesn’t get whiplash from how fast he turns around. “What?”
You nod, unable to feel guilty as Regulus gives you an appalled look from behind your older brother. “Mhm,” you say. “Their hair is all messed up, and look—their lips are swollen. Plus, they were surprised we were in here.”
You do feel a tiny bit bad for James, whose dark skin blanches when Sirius turns on him. “James Potter, did you come in here to defile my brother?”
James looks to Remus for help, but his friend only turns his palms up like Sorry, what can you do?. After a second, Regulus steps closer to him.
“Sirius, we—”
“Don’t touch him,” Sirius practically retches. He shakes his head, grabbing Regulus by the arm and all but dragging him from the room. “Alright, listen. You are going to tell me who was talking shit about Remus, and then we’re going to have an entirely separate conversation about boundaries.” He casts a noxious look back at James. “And I’ll deal with you later!”
#not totally sure how to tag this#I've never not done x reader before#big brother!sirius#sirius black#remus lupin#wolfstar#fem!reader#little sister!reader#james potter#regulus black#jegulus#sirius black fanfiction#sirius black fanfic#sirius black fic#sirius black drabble#sirius black scenario#sirius black imagine#sirius black oneshot#sirius black one shot#the marauders#marauders#marauders era#marauders fanfiction#marauders fanfic#marauders fic#the marauders era#marauders fandom#hp marauders
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Pretty girls and flowers | lando norris smau
pairing: lando norris x student!reader warning: cursing, unrealistic if lando did this in real life the girl would absolutely get doxxed
yn_phd good morning by best pals! this month's episode will be out this tuesday. my lovely amazing talented so pretty best friend got two tickets to silverstone so if you're there come say hello👋! the podcast guest will be my old professor from freshman year so put down any questions you have about mary i of england! stay healthy and hydrated ❤️❤️
liked by bestie_n and 8 475
bestie_n omg dont praise me like that im blushing
username can you ask why henry 8 never made a marriage for mary?
username god i dont even like history that much but fuck are vlogs calming and sweet and pretty af
scuderiaferrari it's been a lovely weekend with charles_leclerc and carlossaiz55! P4 and P7 💪 Here is the first taste of the silverstone photo dump!
liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 193 847 others
username CHARLES IN P4 CHARLES IN P4 CHARLES IN P4 I REPEAT CHARLIE CHUCK IS IN P4
landonorris whos that?
carlossainz55 its me landonorris no the pretty one charles_leclerc me? landonorris ew no the PRETTY one charles_leclerc ew? i will drive you to the wall
username not charles threatening to send lando into the wall in the comments
username you just fucking know he'd do it too just ask max
username is lando trying to hook up with the girl in the photo?
yn_phd i put on a little bow so i could be the prettiest girl at the bookstore ❤️today i wrote a page, went on a reading binge about chariot racing in ancient rome, had a breakdown and ate pasta.
liked by bestie_n, carlossainz55 and 11 264 others
username is this the girl @ landonorris
username lando the pretty girl is here
username cmon lando shoot your shot
username i mean he'll miss but its gonna be funny username no one trusts the rizz of this man with a shit beard
bestie_n who is lando? where have you people come from?
carlossainz55 i think this is the girl we were with
carlossainz55 she got lost around the track so we took a photo and got a staff member to help her. she was prettier in real life. good luck mr no rizz you need it username NOT CARLOS COMING FOR LANDO
username LANDO NORRIS
username this is the girl? not really seeing it doesnt feel like landos type you know
landonorris haha okay people lets not do this haha its not that funny it is a bit embarrasing hah (my dms are open for pretty girls always)
alex_albon well youre talented in the car at least
landonorris my dad scolded me for getting drunk on twitter so i went to eat their fridge empty. love being home
liked by carlossainz55, yn_phd and 385 749 others
username is he trying to look extra cute and soft to seduce the pretty girl?
username you just googled boyfriend material and tried your best huh
georgerussel63 i though youd chosen to go with the shirtless gym photos?
alex_albon you sent like fifteen different gym pics to the groupchat and then dont choose even one? fuck our help then i guess landonorris shut up shut up shut up
username i can see the pretty girl in the likes though 👀
yn_phd me and the gang went to a lecture about lord byron's sex life on thursday. i had a pretty cute visitor this weekend and even our lord and king aragorn the cat liked him!!
liked by landonorris, bestie_n and 9 736 others
bestie_n it was a lecture about lord byron's reputation and fame and how it effected the romance genre?
yn_phd exactly!
username are we gonna get an episode about THE george gordon byron please say yes
yn_phd my best pal i will rant about the whole geneva squad
username did lando norris actually do it
username did landonorris attend the lecture too?
landonorris ive never been happier that i chose karting and skipped school
yn_phd i have discovered hidden depths in myself. i can cry about essay structures and then drive bumper cars an hour later
liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 11 379 others
landonorris it was just karting babe they were not bumper cars
yn_phd but i crashed so much? landonorris you were great!! i was so proud!! 🧡
username okay but how does this relationship even work? if she doesnt know anything about racing?
yn_phd i tell him everything about the tudor dynasty and he explains to me how the drs works
landonorris use date night to play uno and see whos more competitive (me, i won)
liked by yn_phd, alex_albon and 385 739 others
yn_phd the way i screamed after you gave me those cards
username lando really be gambling with a new relationship
alex_albon poor girl
georgerussell63 remember when we played uno and lando got a +4 card from all of us and he got a mental breakdown alex_albon yeahh we had to take 10min break cause he left for a drive around the block maxverstappen1 the neighbours made a noise complaint too
yn_phd i got him flowers and later we both crash landed on the bowling alley floor
liked by landonorris, bestie_n and 13 847 others
alex_albon oh so this why you called me crying your tits off
maxverstappen1 he called you too?
landonorris pretty girl🧡🧡
yn_phd pretty guy❤️❤️
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#formula 1 x reader#lando norris insta au#f1 social media au#lando norris imagine
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