#i dont know where he came from he just showed up one day . sobs

[rindomness]

the funniest consequence of, like, half the people i follow getting into dungeon meshi all at once is that while i personally have not read it(yet i know it's gonna get me and i cant let that happen until im in a space i have energy for that), i still manage to have a shoulder-senshi telling me to actually eat food because ive seen enough people talk about him that he's in my head now!!!

[norrizzandpia]

I JUST READ You Were Never What I Wanted AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE

IT WAS SO GOOD

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART (if u decide to post it)

YOURE WRITING IS AMAZING <333

Yall ask and yall shall receive! Part 1 link if you need it <3

But I Need You Now (You Were Never What I Wanted, Part 2) (LN4)

Summary: In the aftermath of Lando and Y/n, Lando makes it his personal mission to show Y/n that it wasn’t fake. Their PR stunt might’ve started out as a lie, but it was love for him and he knows it was for her too.

Warnings: language, angsty, FLUFF AT THE END BITCHES AS AN APOLOGY FOR THE HELL I PUT YOU THROUGH WITH THESE TWO-PARTERS, sexual conversations

Note: see what I did with the title… 😏 You were never what I wanted, but I need you now 🤭 also i made this less angsty as an apology again 👹

Y/n goes home for a few days.

The news spreads throughout the paddock like a virus, being whispered in every person’s ear. When it gets back to Lando, he stands in the midst of the chaos in McLaren’s garage.

Jon leaves his hand on Lando’s shoulder in a comforting manner, knowing something happened between them, but not knowing the specific details.

“She left?” He says lowly, voice wavering as he tries to gain control of it.

Jon nods, “I’m afraid so.”

“What about the race?” He asks, hands clenching at his sides.

“She’s having the reserve driver take her place. You know that.” Jon gives him a confused look.

Lando shakes his head, “No, I get that, but how could she just give up on it?”

Jon sighs and Lando can tell his trainer doesn’t want to tell him the next bit of information. He does anyway, “I heard she was pretty distraught after that gala a week ago. Apparently, she was sobbing and the valet had to help her call a cab. She was a mess, I gather, no one knows why.”

I do, he thinks. I know why, Lando thinks.

Lando abandons the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore about the girl he loves.

She plagues his dreams, his nightmares, his delusions, his thoughts, he doesn’t need her to infiltrate his life anymore.

🏎️

“What’s the problem?” He asks an hour later when Jon treats him like he’s about to have a mental breakdown at any moment.

His trainer eyes him suspiciously, gently, “Nothing,”

Lando groans, arms flying out beside him before smacking down back at his sides, “Jon, cut the bullshit. You’ve been treating me like I’m a fucking baby all day. Why?”

Jon sighs, turning to look at him before grabbing his arm and pulling them out of the garage. Jon forces them into a random hallway always away from the commotion and publicity, looking at Lando softly, “What happened between you and Y/n?”

Suddenly, Lando’s defensive. The mention of her name makes his skin crawl and his heart clench, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You two were dating.”

Lando rolls his eyes, “We were not dating. We were a PR stunt. You know that, Jon.”

Jon stares him down, “You two were dating.”

The meaning of his words hits Lando, what Jon truly is trying to address. He’s drowning in the mistakes of his own actions and the love he developed for her, no way to explain his way out of the situation with Jon looking at him knowingly.

He folds his arms over his chest, “Maybe in the end.”

Jon’s face scrunches up in confusion, “In the end? Of course, you were. Did you sleep together?”

“Fuck, no!” Lando yelps, astonishment at Jon’s bluntness, a trait the man has never had when it came to his romantic relationships.

Jon shakes his head, confusion deepening, “Then how the fuck did you two end up where you are? How did you end up in this mess? Which you still have not told me about.”

He sighs, head falling to stare at his shoes, “I fell in love with her. She fell in love with me. Well, at least I think.”

Jon, the man so incredibly lost, looks blankly at Lando, “You fell in love. With Y/n. Y/l/n. The woman you used to absolutely detest. The woman who used to hate your guts. You two fell in love with each other?”

Lando nods, “I know how it sounds, but it happened.”

Jon’s head tilts to the side, “Okay, and what happened the night of the gala?”

Jon sees the shift of Lando’s demeanor, his entire body running cold with images of her walking out on him. The boy’s body running cold, he tries to get through the night that ruined it all, “Everything was fine in the beginning. We were just talking to a bunch of donors. You know, we got so many that night. Anyways, we were at the bar and being stupid as always, getting drunk, when Lu showed up.”

“Lu as is your ex?” Jon clarifies.

Lando nods, “Yeah, so she came up to us and we just got to talking. She mentioned the fact that we still talk.”

Jon’s mouth falls open, “You and Lu still talk?!”

“Not anymore, not after the gala. She basically cut off contact with me because she ‘hated the way it made her feel when she saw the look on Y/n’s face’. But, at that time, we had been. I should’ve told Y/n when we started getting serious, but I didn’t and that came back to bite me in the ass because she was so betrayed, Jon.”

“So, she walked out of the gala because she was angry about you and Lu?”

“Yeah, she basically told me I didn’t care about her in the way she thought I had, which wasn’t true. I told her I loved her and then shit just went completely downhill after that.”

Jon’s hand squeezes Lando’s arm, “You told her you loved her?”

There’s a flash of sadness in Lando’s eyes and Jon knows it’s because of the painful rejection. He’s learning that Y/n might’ve started out as one of the people Lando cared about the least, but she had quickly become the center of his entire world.

“Of course, I did. But, she didn’t believe me. I don’t blame her too! The start of our relationship was built specifically on hatred. We never wanted anything to do with each other and then, all of a sudden, we were kissing and it was feeling like something more.”

A silence passes before Lando whispers, “Sometimes I wish I never would’ve met her.”

Jon chuckles, “You’ve said that before.”

Lando scoffs, “Yeah, but that was because I hated her. This is because I can’t deal with the fact that she left me.”

“Have you tried to talk to her?” Jon inquires, eyes roaming Lando’s face in search of an answer.

“No,” Lando responds, grief and remorse soaking his tone.

“Well, maybe that’s where you need to start.” Jon smiles.

“In order to do what?” Lando’s lost on the insinuation.

“In order to get her back.”

It’s heartbreaking the way Lando stares up at Jon as if he’d just single-handedly restored all senses of hope and happiness into his body, “You think I can do that?”

“I think that you and her loved each other too much to let it go to waste this way.”

Maybe you’re right, he thinks. Maybe I need to find out for myself, he thinks.

—

Y/n, the girl he hated so much for the love she made him feel, was locked up in her room of her childhood home, information Lando gained from her mother who he had called quietly. It was the first time they had spoken, but it wasn’t the first time she had heard of him. Her daughter had shown up in the middle of the night, sobbing to her over a boy and berating herself for allowing a man to hurt her in the way he had.

However, with the undying kindness Y/n shared, she had patiently heard Lando out as he explained to her the feelings he harbored for her daughter. Strong words of love had persuaded her into giving Lando their address and giving him permission to come. After all, she saw the way her daughter’s Lock Screen lit up with a loving picture of them every time Y/n got a notification. She clocked the picture as the room where Y/n had been hospitalized after her crash, Lando laying on the bed beside her with his arm wrapped safely around her shoulders, a kiss to her cheek as she smiled at the camera.

Bags packed and in hand, Lando stands in front of her house, hood pulled over his head with sunglasses shoved over his eyes. He takes two steps at a time, bypassing multiple steps in the process as he reaches the front door in no time.

Knocking on the wood, Lando waits patiently before the lock is turning and her mother is appearing before him. Dressed in jeans and a sweater, she smiles softly at him, a smile resembling the one Y/n had adorned him with before he made her feel less than the most important person in his life.

“Hi, Ms. Y/l/n. Thank you for this.” He says quietly, not wanting Y/n to hear him and get scared.

She nods at him, opening the door and letting him step in, “As much as you hurt my daughter, I think this space is effecting her worse.”

He lingers in the doorway, nerves getting to him as he stares at the steps in front of him, steps he assumes would lead him to her.

Her mother notices his eyes, “She’s up there if you want to go.”

He takes a step toward them, but takes on back and looks at her with tension in his face, “Do you think she’ll want to see me?”

Her mother’s head moves side to side, “I think, at first, she’ll be mad, but she’ll warm up. I know she still loves you, that’s still there.”

He nods, “What should I say?”

His words relay quietly and her mother lays a hesitant hand on his arm, “Why are you here? Why are you fighting for her?”

His answer comes easily, “Because I love her. Because, after years of hating each other, I realize that I never truly, fully hated her. I hated that she was better than me and the fact that she was winning races more than I was, but I never hated her. I never gave her a chance to show me who she was and it took someone forcing us to be together for me to see how amazing she is. I’m remorseful for that, of course, but I’m happy it happened. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized the happiness that was standing in front of me all along.”

Her mother smiles brightly at him, “Tell her that.”

🏎️

The door creaks as Lando pushes it open, head poking in to see her laying with her back to him.

“Mom, can I just have some time alone right now?” Her broken voice whispers, curling further into herself as Lando steps in and closes the door.

He doesn’t say anything, opting to walk over to her bed and sit down. The mattress is larger, putting space between them so he’s not touching her.

“I can hear you breathing. Please leave.” She says again, this time pleading desperately.

Lando exhales before lifting his hand and laying it on her hip, his thumb rubbing soft circles lovingly. He feels her body tense, her head looking down to inspect the fingers wrapped around her skin.

She pulls away quickly, sitting up and whipping her head around to meet his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here?! You should be at the race!” She yells at him, shifting farther away from him.

He hates how tired she looks, how puffy her eye bags are from a mixture of exhaustion and tears. His body turns to completely face hers, his leg being pulled onto the bed, “Your mom gave me the address and I got the reserve driver to cover for me.”

Y/n scoffs, “Okay, why would my mother do that?”

“Because she knows I love you.”

Y/n’s eyes glaze over, iciness translating in her every move, “How would she know that?”

“I called her.” He states simply, watching her eyebrows stitch together.

Her head tilts, “How did you get her number?”

“From Nick.”

Y/n body rears back, “My trainer?! You coerced my trainer into giving you my mother’s phone number?! Are you fucking crazy?!”

“For you, yes.” He smiles softly. His comment earns an eye roll.

“Y/n, just listen to me.” He begins, but Y/n raises her hands in objection.

“No, Lando. Leave me alone. I appreciate the effort, but leave.” Her hands push his arms, doing nothing to move him.

He gently takes her hands in his and shifts closer to her, “No. I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”

Knowing how stubborn he is, Y/n sits back and gestures for him to continue.

“When I first met you, I hated the success you had.” He starts.

Y/n laughs, “What a great start!”

“Let me finish.” He states, “I hated the success you had and I was dumb enough, young enough to think that meant I hated you too. So, I spent years resenting everything that had to do with you. I never gave myself one moment to reflect on the reasoning for my dislike of you. If I had, we wouldn’t be here right now. Part of me hates that, hates that I spent so much time treating you in a way you never deserved, but another part of me, the part that has fallen so hard for you, is happy it didn’t. If I had realized that I was just jealous of the race wins you were claiming, I would’ve been cordial with you, never getting close enough to get to know who you are out of the envy I held against you. If it had gone down that way, I would’ve never gotten to meet you. And I mean the person you really are, underneath all the PR trained, guarded skin. I would’ve never fallen in love with you, never experienced you and the happiness you have provided me with. It took us so long to get here, through hurtful insults and screaming matches, I can’t let you slip through my fingers, your love with it, because of my stupid mistakes. I won’t let that happen.”

Y/n stays quiet after he completes his last sentence, staring at him as she decides what she wants to do next.

Softly, she says, “Why didn’t you tell me about Lu?”

He sighs disappointedly, “I don’t know. Truthfully, I didn’t think it meant that much. In my head, I didn’t love her. I was just ending a relationship on good terms. I didn’t think far enough to get to you. I’m sorry for that. If I could go back and sit you down, explain to you what Lu and I were doing, the fact that it meant nothing compared to what I feel towards you, I would. You deserve that conversation. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I hope it does. She was never going to mean the same thing to me as she had before after I first kissed you. Truthfully, she never did mean the same thing to me as you do. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.”

Y/n nods slowly, gathering her thoughts, “When did you start loving me? When did it stop being hate? Because that night at the gala, at the end of our conversation, you hated me again.”

Lando shakes his head, “First of all, I didn’t hate you that night. I was just hurt and it translated to something ugly, which I can’t apologize enough for. Second of all, I don’t know when I genuinely started loving you, but I know I realized it when you crashed. When I was running throughout the paddock, I could not get away from the heavy pit in my stomach that only pointed toward one thing, I knew that. I tried to push it away, tried to forget about it, but when I saw you laying there, bandaged and alive, it just hit me. I loved that you were still there, I loved the relief that spread through me, I loved the happiness I felt when I saw you breathing, and, then, I just loved you. It built exactly like that. I was just listing the things, in my head, I adored about the moment in order to get away from the severity of it, and then it was just you. You, you, you, you.”

Y/n’s small smile graces his eyes and he moves closer to her, sitting with his legs folded on the bed and his hands over her thighs. The two of them breathe each other in before Y/n is shuffling closer to him. His arms immediately move from her legs to snake around her torso, folding open his legs and pulling her into him. She lays her shoulder against his chest, her head falling to the side to nuzzle in his neck as her legs spread in front of her, lying over his thigh. She plays with the hem of his hoodie as he kisses her temple, laying his head on top of hers.

“You know, I love you too.” She says into his neck. A warmth spreads through Lando, happiness buzzing all the way down to his toes at her confession.

It’s all he’s ever wanted to hear, “I had an inkling.”

She lightly smacks his stomach, giggling, “Don’t be a smart ass.”

Just as he’s about to rebuttal, his phone begins vibrating harshly in his back pocket. His arm reaches around to pull it out, Jon’s face illuminating the screen.

Y/n laughs, “Can I answer it?”

The idea makes him shine with pride, knowing Jon will be proud to hear Lando’s gotten his girl back. So, he plops the phone in her lap with a smile.

Clicking the green button, Y/n puts it on speaker.

“Lando? Did you get there okay? Have you spoken to her yet?” Jon’s rushed voice says quickly.

Y/n gives Lando a playful look before answering, “He got here okay.”

There’s a silence before Jon is cackling, “AHA! IS HE THERE?! LANDO, I TOLD YOU!”

The couple laughs at his antics, Lando moving closer to the speaker to say, “I’m here and I’m starting to think I should listen to you more.”

There’s shuffling on the other end of the phone before they hear Jon screaming to, what they assume is, the entire McLaren garage, “LANDO AND Y/N, GUYS!”

Again, silence, murmuring even, before the entire room erupts in cheers. Lando can hear it’s just his crew, the group of men knowing how much it stressed Lando out to have her mad at him, the reason she was, they didn’t know.

Y/n and Lando break into tears over their laughter at the men on the other end of the phone. It’s therapeutic to see her laughing in his arms again, a sight Lando didn’t think he would see again.

She’s leaning into him as the men continue to cheer, holding him as her body racks with laughter and all he can do is hold her closer, tighter.

He holds her like she’ll leave him again if he lets go, a thought he knows is so preposterous. Because she’s got her eyes closed, blissed out in his presence and he can see the lines of tension wither away.

She’s safe with him, she shows that through the way she hugs him and softly kisses the side of his neck when he ends the call.

When the noise stops and quietness envelopes them, the couple is left with just each other. He lays them down, her body relaxing into him as she murmurs how much sleep she’s lost over their dispute.

He whispers back, “Go to sleep, then, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He watches her eyes flutter close, her head falling further into the crook of his neck when she crosses the line between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Lando’s not tired, however, only laying down with her because he’s not ready to let her go yet. His eyes wander around her childhood room, pictures of a toddler Y/n winning karting races and different championships. Her toothy grin is a charming sight, a look she hasn’t lost in the years of her growth since then.

After inspecting and finding nothing, but more things to love about her, Lando’s eyes avert back to her sleeping form. He brushes the hair out of her face lightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before whispering against it, “At first, you weren’t what I wanted, but I absolutely need you now.”

Tags (i forgot to put these lol): @toasttt11 @megumilovesme @the-untamed-soul @evieepepi08 @igotnorrrizz @im-an-overthinker @cxrlha @ssrcsm @landoslover @minkyungseokie @luvrrish @louvpdf @weasleyreidstyles @ushygushybaby @theycallmeahugger @sainzluvrr @itsjustaninchident @gavisuntiedboot @gracielukey @formula1mount @cjjydes282clo @ssararuffoni @aexitizen

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for vague posting about my ex after he got me an expensive but upsetting gift?

I (23 m) and my ex (22 m) have only been separated from our 2 year long relationship for a few months now. I was the one who broke things off and I wanted to stay friends, however, for reasons I feel are obvious, this was super difficult for him. We went a while without talking regularly, and he was often very upset with me and short, and would vague me online (very privately). It made me really upset to be treated that way but I didnt say anything since he was grieving and processing our breakup. About a month into our split, my service cat passed I was extremely distraught and upset, like this was my best friend and it was so sudden, I was unstable from grief, but he reached out with his condolences and I really appreciated it. We talked more and seemed to be reconnecting and I was super excited about it. I came over to him to help him fix his car, picked him up from the airport, etc. I had missed him so much and were finally hanging out again!! I had been grieving quietly for another month when, while I'm petsitting his cats for him, he tells me about a gift he left for me. I open it to a letter saying that basically he was having a hard time getting over our breakup and that he didnt know if hed ever be over it, but he was sorry for my recent loss. I unpackaged the gift to reveal one of those 3D felted cat portraits of my late best friend. It was too much for me to see him in 3D again and I started sobbing and freaking out immediately. I texted him thanking him for the gift, but saying it was too soon for me to have recieved it, but I didnt elaborate much on that for fear he'd be upset that his gift has hurt me. I didn't have many other people to personally reach out to about my grief. My friends all seriously disliked this guy for most of my relationship with him (he had done some really upsetting shit to me several times before he was medicated and they thought he was bad for me) and I didnt want to talk shit about him like theyd want to, I like this guy a lot... I also posted privately online that I had recieved a gift (not saying what it was, not saying who it was from) that I wasnt ready to get and that it was sending me into a grief spiral again. I didnt use his name because I worried people would comment to talk shit about him and he would see. Well a friend of mine made a comment saying that whoever gave it to me should have thought more about how I would feel to recieve it. I responded basically telling my friend that I wasnt upset about the gift giver, just the gift itself had caused me to relive some stuff I wasnt ready for. But my ex saw and reached out to me saying "oh so your friends think I'm a bad person? I can take the gift back then." Which I tried to argue that I really loved the gift and that I didnt think he was a bad person. I showed him that I had disagreed with my friend, and rhat I wasnt venting about a good thing he did for me, but rather the post was more about my grief for the loss of my pet. The argument basically ended with me saying that I felt I needed to be totally emotionally sterile for his comfort and wasnt allowed to feel my grief publicly, and him saying that I could feel grief but I shouldnt have vagued him because then people could freely comment and judge him since he was nameless in the post. I deleted my post and agreed with him that I probably shouldnt have made the post at all, I apologized and hoped we could move on, but he replied with "dont talk to me" and blocked me on the social media where I made the post. I ended up reaching out again a few days ago (a week from our fight) to apologize for having gone too far during our argument and suggesting we meet in person to talk. He told me that our argument had made him the most manic he had ever been and that he appreciated the option to talk it out in person but he was very angry that I would treat him like that after saying I wanted to maintain a friendship. I apologized again, saying I wish we could be nicer to each other and we havent talked since.

(I'm trying to keep this as neutral as possible, all my friends are on my side but I still feel like it might be because they just never liked him...)

What are these acronyms?

[tmntxthings]

Okay i have been sobbing over this song, since the morning. (My hopeless romantic heart—)

I just cant help but see one of the turtle bro x reader with this song- playing out in my brain

And now i just need- to see it, read it?? So here I am- idk if this is a weird request but like.. please mate im just 😭☝️ You can pick the turtle btw (my brain cant pick, but it keep going back to leo- but honestly I dont even know anymore)

Every Inch

author’s note: gosh anon this song is such a catch <3 thank you for sharing and this isn’t a weird request at all I can tell exactly what you want me too write hehe, tho I have to say I felt some mikey vibes here, but I shall write leo for you <33333 I hope you enjoyyyyyy~~~

warnings: fluff, abundance of fluff, comfort, music inspired, unedited

—————————————————————————

Leo watched as his portal closed with a flash of blue. He couldn’t help himself, even though he wanted to appear cool, to jump backwards and do a little flip for you, he couldn’t do any of that. He watched as you waved, offering a beautiful smile as an unspoken goodbye. Such a smile he couldn’t bear to look away from as he walked backwards, a dopey grin on his face as the portal finally closed.

He hadn’t been able to portal straight back to the lair. No he was up on the rooftops of New York City. Running, jumping, flipping, he couldn’t help but whoop out in his excitement. There was no denying it, he was in love you. He had been waiting for this moment. Whenever he was with you nowadays his heart would beat far too quickly. He wanted to spend every waking moment with you. But he settled for whenever you could spare the time, you did have a human life after all.

You were his day. Though he didn’t get to see the real thing often, you brought the sun with you. Your eyes always seemed to warm when he would appear though maybe that was just wishful thinking. He couldn’t help his optimism. He could lose himself within your eyes. They were his favorite color, a beautiful shining blue, they seemed to sparkle when they met his eyes.

When you first laughed at one of his jokes he might’ve knew then, that he could fall for you. That laugh, it had been a melody. So musical to his ears and he wanted to make you laugh again. He’d do anything to hear it again and every time he accomplished the goal he’d light up like he just received the greatest gift. It didn’t take long for his heart to start beating just for you. His thin grasp on keeping things purely platonic had finally slipped tonight.

“I wanna take you somewhere!” Leo had portaled in on you out of the blue. “W-what?!” You sputtered as you looked up from where you had been working on a project for school. “Let me take you somewhere! An awesome place, you’ll love it!” He promised, already waving a sword around for another portal. “Where exactly??” You laughed incredulously as you placed your pencil down. Leo’s enthusiasm was contagious so it was easy to agree even if you were a little nervous.

“You worry too much! Just c’mon it’ll be fun!!” His hand waved towards the blue portal that was now fully formed. You came closer and as you came to stand next to him, too hesitant to jump through first, he quickly grabbed your hand, pulling you into the portal after him. He laughed at your exclaims, the free-falling whipping his blue bandanna ends and your hair.

He pulled you close to his chest as he made the landing on the other side of the portal. He knew you had school stuff to do so he wouldn’t take up too much of your time. But as soon as he had found this spot he just had to show you. The sun had set, the last remaining rays fading out in a dark orange and purple-ish hue. He let go of you as you stepped out of his embrace, “wow,” you breathed out in amazement. The view from rooftops would never cease to take your breath away.

Leo being Leo knew this and would show you the best views in New York City. The lights from the buildings, the cars, they all looked like little twinkling stars at this height. “It’s beautiful!” You continued after taking in the moment. You glanced back at the blue turtle to see him smiling brightly at you. Your breath caught once more as the full moon shined down on him. You couldn’t help but stare and his smirk was inescapable, “the view’s that way..” he held back at the last second. He had almost added on ‘sweetheart.’ “I— what? Right! Of course! Ah—“ you quickly turned back around, his expression breaking into a wider smirk at your reaction.

He loved making you flustered. It made him feel that more cool. That more confident. Like his attraction to you was maybe-hopefully mutual. He blew out a breath and came to stand behind you, closer than before. He didn’t know how to tell you, that he felt like he was tiptoeing down a thinning line. He didn’t just like you anymore, it went deeper than that. He didn’t consider you just a friend. You were bringing feelings inside of himself that he had never felt before.

He’d been waiting for someone like you. To feel something like this with another person. “Y/n” Leo spoke up, you stiffened slightly. Probably not expecting his voice to be right behind you. You turned to face him, the moon shining in your eyes. “I’m-n-ve-u-“ he said quickly a dark color rushing forward on his cheeks. You gave him a quizzical look, not understanding. “I’minlovewithyou!” It was said so fast that you were still trying to comprehend.

He grabbed the sides of your arms, steadying himself as he took in a deep breath, cornering his resolve. “I-I’m in love with you,” Leo confessed making sure his eyes locked onto yours no matter how nervous he felt. No matter how much he feared to see your eyes turn into those of disgust or rejection. Your eyes widened, a full blush heating your cheeks as you stood there absorbing his words. The silence was killing him but he waited, he would wait for you, “Leo,” and his eyes were searching yours, searching for any indication that this was one-sided. He didn’t think so. Not when your hands were coming up to his arms.

His mouth shot forward, capturing yours in a dance. He practically churred as you reciprocated, every time he drew back for a breath you would say quick “i love you’s” his heart wouldn’t stop beating so furiously. It didn’t stop even after the kissing stopped. Not after both of your breathing finally steadied. Not when he portaled you back home, promising to text you once he was at the lair. Not as you waved him goodbye and gave him that sweet smile. His heart was still beating just as fast as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, choosing to take the long way home.

He was in love! He was in love with you. And you loved him back! You had told him so, over and over again after shared kisses. He couldn’t believe his luck. He was so happy!! He couldn’t wait to kiss you again. He wanted to kiss every inch of your lips, of your face. Leo was in love with you, every inch of you.

—————————————————————————

[mschimdt]

what some avatar characters would do if you were on your period

i need help sprrading my work and i would appreciate if you reblogged my post

i dont know if naavis have periods but for the sake of this post lets just say they do

600 words

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jake sully

you were laying in both you and jakes bed, we'll atleast thats what you considered it because you had no idea what the naavi call it, you were having severe cramps, worst than you had ever experienced, jake was on his ikran, bob, looking for food

he came back about 2 hours later and you were still suffering from period pains, just much worse, now your lower back hurt aswell as your abdomen

jake had a concerned look on his face when he saw you in a fetal position shivering, "hey y/n you okay?" he said while rubbing your shoulder in attempt to comfort you, since you were both living as naavis, it meant you had no technonoly to solve this pain or any medicine

the only thing jake could do was lay by your side while rubbing your lower abdomen in attempt to sooth your pain, it worked for the least and you fell asleep in eachothers arms

-----------------------------------------------------

colonel miles quaritch

you were laying in your shared bedroom back in bridge head, quaritch was on a mission and should be back in a few hours, you just started your period and you werent having any of it, so you skipped a day of work inorder not to approach annoying colleagus that were just going to make you worse, you were in pain anyways, its a valid excuse to stay in your room for thr day

you were looking forward to seeing quaritch, hes the only person that doesnt annoy you, its gotten to the point where even lyle makes u mad when he spits out a single word (not saying hes not annoying)

the door to your shared bedroom clicked amd quaritch walked inside, your face lit up in joy and you spoke " someones back early " quaritch smiled whike locking the door

suddenly your happy expression turned into one of pain, quaritch gave you a concerned look "you okay, sweetheart?"

"y-yea just a cramp" you said while it looked like you were fighting for your life, quaritch walked over and said "you're on your period?" with a little smirk

"oh i know something that'll help with your cramps" you knew exactly what he was talking about, theres a study that shows that sex while on your period relieves cramps and pain, you hesitated at first but you decided to agree

------------------------------------------------------

recom Lopez

you and lopez were out eating in the cafeteria, he knew you were on your period and he didnt want to bother yoy because he didnt want to be the reason your mood switches

you were both having a conversation about how you think lyle and quaritch have something between them, it was late so no one could hear you

this topic was pretty funny to you and lopez, but theres no doubt that its true

suddenly you stoo talking and you gain a angry look on your face

ofcourse lopez decided you guys have been down here for enough "we've been here long enough, we should probably get ourselves some sleep, we really need it" "yea lets go" you replied

you made your way up the stairs and threw yourself onto the bed, you started crying, you didnt know why

lopez heard your sniffles and layed down next to you, carrying you into his lap "whats wrong baby?" then he started blabbing cute spanish names, you didnt reply you just cried, he held you in his arms for what seemed like hours till the sobs finally stopped and you were sound asleep on his chest

----------------------------------------------------

ill make a part two soon, itll include

lyle,mansk, ja ,prager

but for now youre stuck with this

would anyone like to see human jake sully x human reader?? idk i just find human jake attractive ash ngl

[obwjam]

i humbly present: giant!spider-noir and tiny!peni parker

anons, i am sure you are THRILLED that i am FINALLY getting around to your asks after a... decent amount of time lol and i still dont feel like i'm fully out of my g/t writers block but we take what we can get. everyone please enjoy some long-overdue peni and noir content 🫶

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“Oh, no… kiddo…”

Peni didn’t know what to do. It was like all the air had been sucked from her lungs and her ears were ringing and her brain was going a mile a minute. The tiny girl continued to sob, head in hands, and the imposing figure of Noir could only look down in discomfort, for so many reasons.

First of all, he hated the way Peni looked so helpless and fragile as she simply sat on a tabletop. It was some experiment gone wrong, she told him – as she tried to find a way to retrofit the dimension-hopping bracelets without having to go through HQ, a calculation must have been off, or she just didn’t account for dimensional differences, because she landed right where she wanted to – in Noir’s world – but when she came to, everything was gigantic and she couldn’t handle it.

“I don’t… I don’t believe it… Peni…?”

It was starting to get dark out, but even in the middle of the day, there was no mistaking the flashing colors of the portal ripping open. Noir had sensed it and positioned himself right next to it, but… nobody emerged.

At least that’s what he thought. As he glanced down in deep thought after the portal collapsed in on itself and disappeared, something was nagging at the back of his brain.

Something familiar… intertwined with burning fear.

Peni, for her part, didn’t even know what was going on. Her bracelet showed that she was exactly where she wanted to be – Earth 90214.

So why did everything feel so… heavy?

Maybe it’s because this place was devoid of any color, and that always threw her for a loop. No, no, that’s not it. She’s been here before, and that never truly bothered her beyond the cosmetics. Maybe her calculations were slightly off, and the inter-dimensional journey was particularly taxing this time.

She got to her feet and immediately wobbled, blinking rapidly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing. This is weird… I can’t see a thing.

The first footstep was like thunder. Peni winced, shutting her eyes on instinct as she staggered backwards. The subsequent footsteps were no better, and she soon found herself dizzy as she spun around trying to figure out what was happening.

Noir’s heart lurched at the tiny girl’s reaction. He hated the way she looked so helpless on the ground, and his chest suddenly filled with a cocktail of stress, anger and the pure urge to protect.

Through her disorientation, Peni was able to discern that the dark shadow that was cast over her was suddenly getting darker. The sinking feeling of being loomed over was almost overwhelming her spidey senses, but something told her she had to look up.

She didn’t expect the massive, imposing figure of Spider-Noir to be right in front of her.

Her eyes widened as she realized what was going on. No – no – this can’t be happening – how did this happen! – I – I can’t let him see me like this!

“Peni, wait!” Noir cried as the tiny girl took off, forgetting how loud his voice was to her now. “It’s me, it’s Noir! Wait!”

Peni sprinted as fast as her little legs would take her. No time to look back, she thought. I’ve got to get out of here.

Noir’s heart sank. Peni was clearly desperate to escape. He just couldn’t let her do that. The world was dangerous enough for a normal spider person, but now that one of them could fit in the palm of his hand? It was a disaster waiting to happen.

Peni was so focused on getting out of there that she didn’t notice Noir bending down to snatch her up. It wasn’t until his fingertips practically brushed her back did she notice, and by then, it was too late.

A piercing scream echoed up from Peni, causing Noir to wince as he slowly lifted his tiny friend up from the ground. He cringed at the way she kicked and screamed and punched to try and escape, but he knew he had to do this. He did his best to ignore her protests, plopping her in his palm as gently as he could before curling his fingers over her, shrouding her in darkness.

Inside, Peni was panicking. Logically, being with Noir while she was now tiny was the best possible outcome, but everything about her current situation defied all logic. She desperately hurled her fist at the walls of her new prison, but she simply bounced backwards every time. She wasn’t even sure Noir could feel anything, considering he was wearing thick gloves.

Oh, Noir could feel it. Every small impact against his gloved hand sent a shiver down his spine as he ran back to his hideout. There were so many questions swirling around in his brain – questions he knew Peni would have the answer to… if she could work up the courage to talk.

After what felt like hours of movement, Peni felt Noir lurch to a stop. She swallowed and closed her eyes as light flooded her vision. Once she adjusted, her trembling eyes scanned her surroundings and horror filled her senses. She knew this place, but almost none of it was recognizable. Various weapons and pieces of technology looked positively alien, and almost everything looked like it was capable of killing her in an instant.

Thoroughly terrified and definitely embarrassed, she refused to meet Noir’s gaze as he took a seat and kept his hand hovering above the tabletop. Underneath his mask, Noir’s eyes were flickering to a new thing every few seconds – her panicked eyes, her heavy breathing, the small cuts and bruises she sustained in the crash landing.

“Peni… are… are you okay?” he finally asked. He didn’t want to startle her more than he already had, but even the rumbling of his voice made her cower. She crossed her arms and kept her gaze forward.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to feel when he held her, but now that he had a moment to process the situation, he felt… protective. This was a tiny life he was holding, and he had all the power in this situation. His stomach jumped when he felt her start to tremble. She was at his disposal, and that was terrifying to Noir. He didn’t like thinking of her as helpless, and it was all exacerbated by the fact that she wouldn’t even look at him.

“Peni… please… I need you to talk to me.” He tried to conceal his own shaking voice. “Tell me what happened.”

Eventually, she did, but it took a lot of coaxing and a lot of waiting. Peni tried her best to repair her watch, but she was trying to exhaust every single option at her disposal to avoid having to admit what she did to Miguel. Noir did what he could to help, but mostly, he would just keep Peni company and reassure her that everything was going to be fine.

Today, things were not fine.

It had been nearly a month that Peni had been stuck like this, and it was starting to weigh down on her. She lay awake on the makeshift bed that Noir had made for her, staring up at the ceiling that was impossibly far away. Noir was off on a mission, and he insisted that she wasn’t allowed to come with him. It was too dangerous.

So she was alone.

For some reason, it felt worse today than any other day. She was tired – tired from working nonstop, tired at having to look up at everything, tired from trying to keep it together. She didn’t even get a good night’s sleep last night because, as much as he hates to admit it, Noir snores.

That, and she just had another nightmare.

She was in distress, couldn’t Noir see that? She thought it was obvious. Maybe he really didn’t notice, or he pretended not to because it made him uncomfortable. Like this whole thing didn’t make Peni uncomfortable! Why did he have to go on that stupid mission? She needed him here.

For the next hour, with her hands folded on top of her stomach, Peni lay there, staring, thinking. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Noir’s gloved hand completely encompassing her vision and she grew smaller and smaller in its presence. The one person she felt that she could count on was a hundred times her size and could kill her in an instant. As much as she tried to take her mind off of everything, the same thing kept echoing in her head: My dad would know what to do.

She barely noticed when Noir returned, twisting gracefully down the pole from above ground and landing with a thud that normally would have made her jump. The spider giant brushed off his coat and glanced over at the tabletop, dismayed to see Peni still laying in bed.

He padded over and bent down to her height, squinting to see if she was awake or asleep.

“Hey, kiddo…” he said softly, afraid of startling her. “You, uh… you alright?”

To Noir’s surprise, Peni rolled over and glared at him before emphatically flipping around so her back was now facing him.

Noir’s eyes widened. It was moments like these that reminded him that she was just a teenager.

“Is... something bothering you?”

Peni didn’t answer, which was effectively an answer.

Noir racked his brain. It wasn’t like he had extensive experience dealing with teenage girls at a normal height. “Do you, uh… do you want to… talk about it?”

Peni let out a small humph, which just made Noir’s heart leap.

“Come on, kid, you can talk to me, you know that.”

Peni was utterly embarrassed, but she had no choice. It wasn’t like she could walk away. Slowly, she turned back toward Noir, whose expression brightened underneath his mask when her tiny, delicate eyes met his. Peni’s cheeks flushed red as she sat up and crossed her arms in protest.

“There. You happy now?”

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” Noir asked, trying to sound genuine but instead sounding accusatory. A full day out in the field certainly wasn’t helping.

Peni was dumbfounded. “Oh, nothing, I’m just stuck like this and I don’t know how to fix it and I’m – I’m all alone!”

Noir felt a pang in his heart. “Alone? You… you have me.”

“You’re off on missions all the time, though!”

“Well, yeah! I have a job to do! I’m sorry, Peni, I… I can’t just stay home all the time because you want me to!”

Tears began to prick the corner of Peni’s eyes. Why was she so angry?

“It–it doesn’t matter, okay? Forget I said anything! You’re – you’re not my father, and you never will be!”

Both spider people gasped. Noir never thought of himself as her father – after all, he was only 19 years old, so he was more like an older brother. But he always felt this connection to Peni, however inexplicable, given the respective dimensions they each come from. He had this… insatiable need to protect her from the inherent trauma that all spider people experienced. Like he could shield her from all the pain he once went through. He almost forgot that he really couldn’t do that.

Once the first tear fell, the floodgates burst open. She could barely hear Noir go “Oh, no… kiddo…” from high above her, watching helplessly as the girl he saw as family was breaking down because of him.

“Peni, I…” Noir was at a loss for words. Consoling people was not really his strong suit. But something told him that right now, she didn’t need to be lectured at or reprimanded. She needed comfort.

Peni let out a small gasp when she suddenly felt herself being lifted. Noir had gently cupped his hands around her shaking form and, ever so slowly, brought her over to his chest and held her close.

The low drumming of Noir’s heartbeat was enough to snap Peni back to reality. She looked around to confirm that yes, she was being cupped in his hands and yes, he was holding her by his heart.

“It’s okay, kiddo. I gotcha,” his deep voice rumbled from above. The sound waves traveled with ease though his body and into hers, giving her a sense of grounding and warmth that enveloped her like a blanket.

With shaking hands, she was able to wipe the tears from her face until they no longer fell. She allowed the rhythm of his heartbeat to calm her down, and she felt her trembling begin to subside, too. Soon, she had brought her legs up to her chest and curled into Noir’s fingers, allowing herself to melt into his palms.

Noir had to bite his tongue to keep from awwwing.

They sat in silence for a while, with Peni focusing on her breathing and Noir trying his best not to move. Eventually, he felt her stretch out and twist up to look at him.

“Thanks, Noir,” she squeaked, barely audible even to him. “For being here for me.”

“Anytime, kid,” he said back lowly. “Look, uh. I know I’m not the best with… uh…”

“Feelings?”

Noir chuckled. “Yeah. Those. But, you know, you can come to me anytime… about anything. And you don’t have to talk, if you want, but –”

“–Noir,” she cut him off with a chuckle of her own. “I get it.”

“Oh. Good, good.” He fell into a comfortable silence. “Would you, uh, would you like to go lay down? On the couch?”

“I’d… I’d love to,” Peni replied between yawns.

Peni lightly bounced to the rhythm of Noir’s footsteps until the two were settled on the couch with no more words to be said. It was hard for her to realize but Peni wasn’t alone – she had Noir. Sure, she was somehow four inches tall in this universe, and the sheer darkness and drab of his dimension was in stark contrast to her entire existence… but she had someone to care for her, even if it wasn’t the exact way her dad did it.

That was new for her. But she could get used to that.

[fabunicorn]

Can you do forced agre with the hosts club

Immediately yes I have an idea it could become a series depending on my motivation levels, anyways bone apple teeth looks like it’s gonna be a long one.

Almost forgot all characters in this are aged up (almost forgot they weren’t adults then i remembered oh yeah the anime has high school in the name, so yeah their alleged up and ouran academy is a universitypls forgive me lol i dot know how i forgot tho it is agere so does it matter idk tell me in the comments since its not sexual i dont think it is but i could be wrong)

Warnings

Diapers

Forced agree

Mention of death

Mention of reader being an orphan

Drugging

Slight mention of diaper wetting and messing (very brief doesn’t actually happen just mentioned)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ouran academy. A place where rich snobs learn and do genuinely pointless things in between they call it the playground for the rich and beautiful a fitting name for it as those who learn there are automatically placed into power and are sheltered throughout there whole lives.

You are Y/n L/n you came from a normal family, you weren’t rich by any means however you weren’t poor either, you got into ouran academy based on your excellent grades you were offered a full scholarship today was your first day and things definitely weren’t going good. People stared at you in awe and pity as you walked though the Halls “poor thing how can she live as a commoner” one of the girls whispered to her friends as you walked past “she’s so cute like a little fawn” a boy across the hall spoke as you turned and gave him a glare. Who do these people think they are just because your poor doesn’t mean your life sucks, you’ll show them you’ll show all of them you will become the most successful person ever seen in ouran.

You

You were looking for a library that wasn’t full of pretentious sobs chattering, all you wanted was some piece and quite before your first class started. “Music room three, seems pretty quiet” you muttered to yourself opening the door being blinded by a bright light and barrage of rose petals, “welcome princess to our land of beauty” you heard a voice speak as your eyes finally adjusted to the surprise. You saw a boy with bright blonde hair and purpleish blue eyes, your eye twitched in annoyance ‘is there a room in this place where there isn’t s many people’ when the boy finally stopped posing and opened his eyes he gasped with a wide smile and tears coming out of his eyes “OH MY, your so cute” he said in a lively tone before grabbing you in a hug and spinning you around in circles.

Pushing the boy off you growled narrowing your eyes at him, looking behind the boy you saw others one small boy with blonde eyes and honey coloured eyes, a tall stoic looking boy with dark hair and a set of twins with quaffed orange hair and finally a ratherbored looking boy with rounded glasses and a girl with short brown hair but wearing the boys uniform? That same lively voice from before broke you from your thoughts “sorry dear please forgive me,my name is Tamaki Suoh you look new allow us to relax you with our esteemed host club” he spoke moving his hair from his face. “No way, who do you think you are? You can’t just randomly hug people without permission.” You said in an angry tone. One of the twin spoke “boss look at her clothes, she must be a commoner” the boy called tamaki looked at you eyes widening in shock and surprise gasping dramatically “oh my poor thing! You serve so much better your so cute and I bet once we get past that surprise and anger you’d be so sweet too.” Your brow twitched at the blondes words “just because I’m poor doesn’t mean anything, and don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know its rude.”

The girl spoke up “I agree with her on this senpai” you looked in her direction and smiled, you liked her she seemed nice “thanks” you said to the girl before hearing gasps from all of the boys “look at that smile how cute!” You groaned in annoyance before the boy wearing glasses spoke up “I never thought I’d say this but I agree with you boys she is quite adorable.” Tamaki at hearing this grabbed you and started spinning you around again “you even made the stoic kyoya smile what talent! You must join the host club your so cute everyone would love you.” You pushed tamaki off you again becoming dizzy you stumbled before you bumped into a table knocking off a variety of teacups and teapots.

“Uh oh” sang one of the twins “we were going to sell those in our next auction” spoke the other one,you sweat dropped “look even though its not my fault cuz you spun me I’ll pay you back” the boy in glasses chuckled “sorry princes but it would take you years to pay this off” you frowned your first day at this school was not going well, the boys interrupted you “please step outside while we discuss what we should do.” You nodded a solemn look on your face before stepping outside.

The boys huddled together whispering “she’s sweet and cute don’t you agree” Tamaki spoke a chorus of hums following in reply “she’s poor too a girl as sweet and cute like that deserves better.” Spoke Hikaru, kyoya piped up “I took a look at her files apparently sh was bullied in her own school and lives alone, her parents are dead.” Honey geared up at this “you mean she is an orphan?” Kyoya nodded a serious look crossing his features “oh that poor girl she must be working else how is she providing for herself” Tamaki spoke “she works in a cafe” kyoya replied, a though popped into all of their heads and they smiled. “I believe we are all thinking the same thing” kyoya said “I bet she’s stressed and I’ve seen something called ageregressio. It supposed to help, plus she’s so cute and sweet someone like her should never have to lift a finger especially after what she’s been through.” Spoke tamaki “then its settled well tale her to one o our houses to do this then well come back once she’s settled in” spoke kyoya. Surprisingly harsh I agreed with them too, she genuinely thought it would help you.

Haruhi went to let you back in “you can come back in now” she spoke in a soft tone a small smile gracing her features. You gulped in fear ‘these people can do whatever they want they will only believe the and even if they don’t they can pay people off’ you thought anxiously before stepping back into the room, the boys smiled as you walked in “we have come to a decision that we will tell you at one of our houses later, for now I believe it’s best for us to introduce ourselves” kyoya said that same bored expression back on his face “you already know me little one my name is tamaki suoh” the tall blonde spoke with a dazzling smile, “I’m honey and this here is Takeshi” spoke the small boy as h pointed to himself and the tall stoic boy who only gave a solemn nod in your direction. “We are the twins hikaru and Koaru dont worry your little head over who’s who you’ll never be able to tell” they giggled in sync with one another “I’m haruhi” said the girl whom you actually liked you smiled sadly at her before turning your attention back to the boy with glasses “my name is kyoya” he spoke plainly before tuning back to his clipboard.

“Okay little one meet us at the front of the school after lunch” spoke tamaki once more offering you a bright smile before showing you off “now hurry little one dont want to be late for your first class” he said finally allowing you to leave, you did so hoping to not arouse their anger.

They boys spoke in a hushed tone “we’ve got a lot of work to do, let’s get started.”

Timeskip

Lunch could not have come quicker and you were waiting anxiously swaying at the front of the school where the boys told you to wait, a limousine pulled up beside the boys all inside dragging your in a settling you between them before producing a cloth soaked in a strong liquid that knocked you out almost immediately.

“Shhhh dont wake her, she’s had. Rough day she needs all the rest she can get” spoke one voice “oh but kyoya I need to cuddle my little girl now” whined another voice in reply, you slowly opened your eyes sitting up before noticing something was very wrong. One you were in a bassinet,two you were in a soft onesie and diaper and three you couldn’t move very much. “See now look what you did.” Spoke the boy you remembered being kyoya they both turned and cooed to you before tamaki picked you up and settled you on his hip “oh my little girl welcome back daddy will explain soon but first we gotta get that diaper checked we dont want you getting a rash now do we little bug?” He spoke in a warm tone, your eyes widened at this “no,no dont touch me you sick freak what the hell is going on.” You spoke angrily kyoya turned around and glared at you “unless you want a red bottom I suggest you let your daddy check you” this scared you enough to stop all movements and let tamaki undres you and slip a finger down your diaper checking for any wetness or messes “all dry and clean” tamaki cheered.

“Hmm if she doesn’t go soon we will have to give her some medicine we don’t want her getting sick.” Chimed kyoya with a worried expression on his face before his smile returns and he grabs you from tamaki “lets go down and see your daddies and mommy huh little one, then we can get some nice milk in your tummy.” He spoke before taking you downstairs. Once you were downstairs you entered a living room that had another bassinet a baby bouncer wing and some soft toys you were so mortified you almost didn’t notice the others I the room smiling at you. “Hey little one hows our baby doing huh.” Spoke haruhi as tamaki sat down with you settled in his lap before she put a pacifier in your mouth. You spat it out and kyoya and Moro gave you a warning look so you took it and left it in, ‘these people are weird, best not to anger them you though as tamaki broke you from your thoughts.

‘So my little girl as you may have guessed you are bing put into age regression we know ll about your past and since we all like you so much and this can help you, this is how you will be paying us back do yo understand baby.” Tamaki cooed. You nodded already making escape plan in your mind. “Now there are a few rules you must follow and things you must do for this to work.” Kyoya interrupted “you must use your diaper for all purposes, you will be treated like a newborn as we feel that will be most comforting and relaxed, you must drink out of bottles and aching else we may give you and overall act like a baby and behave or you will be punished. Understand.” Kyoya said, you nodded playing along so they would trust you.

Honey tried waving usa chan in your face making voices and trying to make your laugh but you were too mentally exhausted to deal with that so mori took you from tamaki “it seems our little girl is tired so for now its a baba and a nap.” He spoke in a gruff tone, the others agreed and one of them left to make you a bottle whilst you were being rocked in moris arms.

‘Lord give me strength’ you thought with a blank stare.

To be continued…

[bonnibuckets]

Love your work!😍Can i have the will to request a Roxto X reader where he feels like he isn’t good enough, kinda like comparing himself to the other guys in the village esspecily Aonung. The muscle mass, their hunting skills, riding ilus. You didnt know at first, because you found him perfect in every way, his smile, his comforting words and touch, his eyes, hes also very good making braclets out off sheels, so he often makes you cute gifts you love so much. One day you find him crying on the other side of the island when you were out picking some fruits to him and yourself, you rush over to him and comfort him, hugging him and stroke his back. You ask what is wrong but he stays quiet clinging himself on you.

But of course er love Roxto so we tell hil that, but he dosen’t fully believe you so you have to show him a few tricks😏✋

*cough… TOP!READER✋

I prob already requested this but i dont remember who i requested it to🤔💭

hello babes! i will write everything up until the smut because rotxo is a teenager in the movies, i’m sorry if that upsets you but i have plenty of other smuts you can read :)

— antics | rotxo

pairings: fem x rotxo

warnings: angst & fluff, mentions of insecurities

synopsis: rotxo compares himself to every guy you come into contact with— even his own best friend ao’nung.

wc: 700+

note: i was unaware this had been requested before to other authors but i assure that this is 100% my work and i was not inspired by anyone else i only took from the text in the request (no hate to anyone though!)

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

You can rotxo have been together for quite some time, but that never stopped his overthinking mind. He constantly thought badly of himself unintentionally whenever you were around. He thought you were too good for him and that he didn’t deserve you, his head would fill with horrible thoughts every time you talked to a boy.

He thought his his hunting skills weren’t good, his ability to ride ilus and even physical physique. Rotxo compared himself to his best friend all the time, ao’nung is naturally bigger in muscle mass and that got to him.

He tried to never show this because he knew it was a problem within himself and not anyone else's.

Until one day you were laughing at ao’nung’s stupid jokes and unaware of the pair of eyes on you both. Rotxo clutched the bracelet he made you out of shells and started sobbing as he ran away, he thought he was pathetic and he wanted to crawl in a hole.

He made his way to the beach and he plopped down and hugged his knees as hot tears rolled down his face.

—

You waved ao’nung bye to go pick some fruit for rotxo as a little surprise. You hummed as you carefully inspected each fruit with love. You gathered enough in your basket as you walked to find your boyfriend.

You pressed the basket to your hip as you looked around and then you spotted him on the beach. You smiled as your heart starting beating a little faster and your tail swayed.

“Rotxo!” you smiled and waved as he jumped and looked up with teary eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You immediately went to his side and put down the fruit as you cupped his cheeks.

“What’s wrong dear?” you questioned worried. He sniffed and wiped away his tears as he tried to speak with a shaky voice but nothing came out except more tears. Your heart sank and you pulled him into your chest as he clung to you.

You shushed him and scratched his back. “It’s okay darling,” you said kissing the top of his head. His breathing had calmed down a little and he pulled away and you wiped his tears away as he sniffled, “talk to me” you said cupping his cheek.

He looked into your eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled “i’m just scared…that i’m not good enough” he said. Your heart sank even more and you immediately pulled him back into you “no no no” you said holding onto him tightly. “Don’t say that it’s not true” you said into the crook of his neck.

“I know but,” he said pushing you away to talk to you “it’s just i feel…like everyone is better than me, every guy i see you talk to i can’t help but think about how they’re better than me. Even ao’nung is better than me! He knows how to hunt, swim, ride his ilu perfectly, and he is so much stronger than-” you cut him off with a kiss.

“Shush i don’t believe any of that for a second” you smiled with teary eyes “i just can’t imagine a life without you rotxo, you’re amazing and perfect i love everything about you! I love your smile, your laugh, your words, your touch, your eyes everything,” you said chuckling as tears rolled down your face.

Rotxo immediately panicked and wiped away your tears as he cried too “i’m sorry i really am i tried to not let get to me, but thank you” he smiled and held your face “i love everything about you too” you both smiled and pressed your foreheads against one another’s as your tails intertwined.

Rotxo popped up “i completely forgot! I made you a bracelet” he smiled as he showed you a beautiful shell bracelet. “Oh honey” your heart swooned “it must’ve taken you hours,” you said as he put it on you “i love it rotxo” you smiled. “I also got you something but not as good” you chuckled and handed him the basket of fruit and his face lit up immediately.

“Oh my favorite!” he smiled and immediately bit into it smiling like a kid “i’m happy you like it” you giggled and wiped away the juice that got on his cheek. He smiled and swallowed his food before kissing you quickly and going back to eating as you lovingly watched him without a care in the world.

— [fin]

 taglist 🏷️: @d34ng3l l @wekiamo @sapphicrhee @sully-stick-together @gloryy-vs @catgogrrr @kyber4crystal @kairreeee @winkingface @starfrier @lov3-bby @itsokilovemetoo @eywaheardyou @loverswiftsblog @owaowaowawa @durinsnowxii @loaksbitch

[lesbianfring]

Don't mind me, just sitting down here drifting into my own thoughts about how vince and the rest of the brba/bcs writers managed to write gustavo fring in a way so thematically queer and his entire plot line being centred around max's death and his revenge, but to me it's the themes that just hit too close to home.

(I hide in plain sight) as someone who exists in a place where queerness is a crime, this is very much how I live. The double life of chicken man during the day kingpin by the just reads to me as queer allegory.

(look at him, its you're fault) do I need to explain this one at all? If you ever came across religious homophobia you'd be told that your queerness is what doomed you from the start and the harm that comes to you and your loved ones is just a natural consequence of your queerness. I remember being Bearley 16, my first partner being dragged away and into a fate that I'll never know of, and my dad telling me that if anything happens to her, it's my fault, while being pinned to a wall and searched befor entry to conversion therapy, sobbing my eyes out. The hermanos scene was so fucking traumatising to say the least, the desperation in both gus's and max's eyes and the fear that consumes any other emotion or thought, I know it too well. Honestly, I feel like an absolute joke literally having a ptsd flashback because of this scene and then reading that giancarlo said that gus's sexuality is up to interpretation, like am I joke to you or what ? Love this man as much as any fan, but bro, I just rather you'd call me a slur ?

( a bullet to the head would be too humane) There is also the anger, vengeance, and grudge he holds. Though because he is very practical, we rarely get to see this peak through, but it's definitely his greatest motivation. And I dont know how to put this into words, but if had the chance to hurt the people that hurt me and took away my ability to protect someone I promised to protect, I fucking would. He'll I'd set the systems that are built to destroy me a blaze. Though for now, me being alive, breathing, surviving, is its own kind of revenge.

( Hector vs. Gus ) this one is pretty obvious, lone wolf queer swearing off any kind of emotional connection throwing away the last 20 years of his life to avenge the death of his lover, he also expresses masculinity just never in the traditional sence, going against hector who's very much the family guy, his entire existence and power is within his family, the traditional patriarchal image of a man. They literally are opposites in everything. when hector barges into los pollos heramnos, he completely disrespects the place and "immaculates" gus by cleaning his shoes on the desk and smoking inside the restaurant. On the other hand, we see gus smiling after the Salamancas left, knowing that this meant he successfully sabotaged their operation. He won, he's the in dominance, but he won't flaunt it or scream and shout or be an ass hole unless he absolutely needs to, other than that we never see him interested in showing off his muscles to anyone. Of course, unlike hector. He'll shit himself as a show of dominance and masculinity, literally lmao.

I just hope that this shows that Queerness isn't just about sexuality and gender. It literally changes how you interact with the whole world. Whether or not this was intentionally done by the writers, a brilliant conicdance of all these things coming together and making gustavo fring is one of the best queer characters to ever be on the TV screens. I know people will mention the wine bar scene, or the 2 times he stood by the same exact same spot at eladio's pool, or fact that gus never expressed interest in women, etc. But this isn't all there is. TO ME, there is not a reading of Gustavo fring that wouldn't end up reading him as queer, specifically because of the themes listed above. And (up to interpretation) is not good enough and will never be. You don't get to profit off of me watching this getting retrumatised and then acting like it's a total stretch for me to see myself in that. It INFURATES ME honestly relating to this piece of media, that I'm probably not welcomed into the fandom or even seen as reaching far to get to the queer reading of this character, the queer fans deserve so much better than this.

Also, I know when vince and giancarlo would probably be so uncomfortable at the suggestion that gus and max have been lovers i know my bois James Martinez and Peter Gould got my back

Fucking love yall

I hope the next time I hyper fixate on a queer character that they'd be written or played by queer people. I don't think anyone could have played gus better than giancarlo himself, but how hard it is to just acknowledge that it's an integral part of who gus is? I guess it's too much for the P.R. lmao.

[cosmicjoke]

hi there !! thank u sm for answering my ask about the whereabouts of the scouts hq! i guess it's open to speculation of the location prior to the fall of wall maria ( or as i'd liked to call it "free real estate" lol ). anyways, i have another question for you if you don't mind! i love your analysis on levi and how emotionally intelligent he is and how he's in-tune with his emotions. i was wondering, do you think levi is the type to outwardly grieve at all? perhaps in privacy of his own quarters? we seem some subtle moments like when og levi squad dies as an example and we never see him fully cry until the finale. aside those small, yet very impactful moments, do you think he shows his grief in a more expressive way? if so, how do you envision it?

personally, i dont depict levi to be the type to showcase anger through his grief ( i guess unless zeke is involved lol ), but i feel like some days would be extremely difficult for him as he carries around the weight of his dead comrades and friends, especially at night when he's alone. i don't think he cries often, most likely due to growing up in the underground and kenny's "parental teachings", but as i said, i believe there are rare days where it's just too much, ya know?

regardless of my opinions, i would like to hear your thoughts and viewpoint on this !! thank you <3

Hi there!

Thank you for the ask, and I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help with your first! But this one hopefully I can give a better answer, haha.

We do have one, clear instant of seeing Levi express his grief outwardly, of course, and that's when Furlan and Isabel died. And Levi very much did express his grief through anger then. I would even say Levi was enraged, which we never really saw from him again. Even when Zeke forced Levi to kill so many of his own comrades, after turning them into titans, Levi's anger afterward was very controlled and measured, though still apparent. Maybe the closest we see to Levi becoming angry before then is the first time he takes Zeke down, in Shinganshina, after he cuts him out of his titan. But nothing really comes close to the outpouring of intense despair we see from him with Furlan and Isabel.

That probably has something to do with the fact that they were his family. I always say Furlan and Isabel were probably the two people who were closest to Levi in his life. The only two people who understood where he'd come from, because they came from there too. And also because they were the first, two people he really lost to the titan threat. He'd only seen one other person eaten by a titan before then. A soldier whom Levi likely had no relationship with at all. We have to remember, when Levi first joined the SC, he, Furlan and Isabel were outcasts. Nobody liked them, and nobody really talked to them or treated them kindly, outside of Erwin and Hange. The others he saw killed by titans, he only saw the aftermath of. But with Furlan and Isabel, he actually saw them directly eaten, right in front of him, and for all his great strength, he was powerless to stop it from happening.

For all the criticisms I often see lobbed at the anime adaptation of "No Regrets", I won't ever forget the raw emotion we hear in Levi's voice when he kills the titan that killed him family. We never hear Levi like that again. So enraged he sounds like he's on the verge of sobs. That was Levi losing the only two people he had in his life. His chosen family. His two first and best friends. That was Levi losing his whole world. His rage at Erwin afterward was also a manifestation of that pain. He was overcome by his grief in that moment.

I think, after that, Levi was able to form other connections, and other bonds. Especially with Hange and Erwin, and of course his own squad. And I think he felt the pain of their loss just as keenly as he did Isabel and Furlan. But by then, in order to keep moving forward himself, in order to keep fighting, Levi needed to learn to control that grief and keep it locked away. To not let it consume him or distract him. It's never been that Levi doesn't feel every loss with deep, genuine emotion, or that he's unaffected, or removed from the feeling of loss. He's always been, I think, more deeply impacted by the loss of life than anyone. He just learned to control that feeling, and more for the sake of others than for himself. He wants to stay strong so that he can do his job of protecting and fighting for others. He doesn't allow himself to wallow in his grief because he thinks it might compromise his duty to others. And that's Levi's selflessness again.

I'm certain there's been many, MANY moments in which Levi felt an overwhelming despair. I just spoke about this, in my post about how Levi more often looks sad to me than stoic. I think, when he's at rest especially, we see Levi's grief manifest on his face and in his body language. When there's nothing for him to channel his grief and despair into, it shows plainly on him. So I wouldn't be surprised if, when he had moments alone, he did give into it, if only a little. Levi doesn't strike me as much of a crier. I have a hard time picturing him really openly sobbing, for example. But he is capable of tears, and he may indeed have shed tears in private moments, when he felt sure it wouldn't negatively impact anyone around him.

There's of course something deeply tragic in that. In Levi feeling the NEED to hide his grief. To not let it show for fear of it somehow affecting others. That he feels his grief is less important than his duty toward protecting others. That he shouldn't be allowed to indulge in it. And we know this is an attitude with Levi only holds for himself. Because he never scolds anyone else for giving in to THEIR grief, and in fact does the opposite, providing them with what comfort and reassurance he can. The first time we meet Levi, he's comforting a dying soldier who's crying, wondering if he'd done his duty, holding his hand and telling him that he's done more than enough. Or with the soldier who lead the titans to them after the disaster with the Female Titan. Instead of scolding that soldier for allowing his grief to endanger the entire unit, Levi gave him Petra's patch, and told him it was his friends, just to comfort him. Or when Eren begins crying when they're all trapped in the cavern underneath Rod Reiss' estate, and while everyone else is yelling at him, telling him to man up, Levi doesn't yell at him at all, despite the peril they're all in. He instead tells Eren he's sorry to have to ask for his help again, and after Eren is able to save them, he's the only one to thank Eren and express his gratitude by telling him that it's thanks to his efforts that they'll be able to retake Wall Maria again. Or when he tells Erwin thank you, after Erwin confesses to his own grief and guilt. Instead of scolding Erwin for showing weakness in the face of catastrophe, he tells Erwin that it's thanks to him that the SC was able to get as far as it had. He tells Erwin he's been a great leader.

Even while Levi denies himself the comfort of his own grief, he never denies it to anyone else. And once again, that's Levi's selflessness manifesting. And it's heartbreaking to realize, because again, I think Levi probably feels things more deeply than anyone. I think he's more hurt by the loss of his comrades than anyone. But he won't allow himself to really process that hurt, or find any solace by giving in to his grief.

[jayflrt]

hi im back i swear i could talk ab iland for hours fr ...

smth i wanna talk ab is their friendships on the show and moments that i think ab A LOTTT

- heeseung and jungwon!! i think they grew close very early on esp bc they were in iland together from the start and u could see how sad hee was when jungwon almost got emiminated. like boy was in tears SOBBING when jungwon came back from that dam egg and i felt in that moment u could rlly see how much jungwon meant to him and he couldnt lose him

- JAY AND NIKI like when jay came back to iland and cried that niki didnt make it 😭 they were THAT DUO™️ in the ground stressing out teaching everyone fire. i think they were the perfecr pair to lead bc they both had an insane amount of passion and determination like niki was one of the only ones that understood why jay wanted them to keep practicing and not fall behind bc they both knew how much was on the line. they were also on the same team multiple times which caused them to grow close and the fact that jay was one of the ones who could speak japanese so niki definitely clung onto him and jay would help him out a lot :')

- SUNOO AND JAEBEOM. one of the most purest friendships on the show i swear. they experienced ground and iland together and in the behind cams THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GOSSIPING ALL THE TIME IT WAS SO CUTE. and the fact that sunoo used one of his calls to call jaebeom omg 😭 theyre probably still friends til this day since sunoo cherishes all of his friendships i rlly need them to vlog tgth or smth i miss them sm

- sunoo and taki 😭 when sunoo said he wanted taki as a real little brother I SOBBED. i think another anon talked ab them so i wont get into it much but im so happy theyre still close and we see them interact a lot

- enha 02z omg. iland is where jakehoon rlly took off and it was so endearing to witness their friendship blossom on the show. and jayhoon ☹️☹️☹️ i love every jay duo in enha but jayhoon (and heejay) takes the cake for me. when sunghoon worried more about taking jays place during the dance unit over winning it showed how much their friendship means to him. and when jay says the iconic line "my one and only unit" LIKE THEY ENTERED ILAND TOGETHER AND DEBUTED TOGETHER IT CANT BE MORE PERFECT THAN THAT. and during pt. 2 i loved how in the behind cams we got to see all 3 of them get closer and become the iconic 02z trio we know and love today (im just so happy they all got to debut together it was seriously fate)

- jay and k. so yes, k was really bad on the show and his competitiveness got the best of him. it was sad to watch how he treated other ppl sometimes and i'll say hes grown from it and is in &team now and takes care of the members well. (i watched &audition and his character development was crazy so good for him) but in iland u can tell how much jay really values k as an older brother. jay was one of the older contestants so he probably felt like he had to shoulder a lot and be a leader but when k is around i feel like he got to relax a little more yk? and as we know enha and esp jay dont really have many friends outside of the group (besides sunoo) and im glad theyre still very close til this day.

sorry this was so long u fr opened the floodgates for me skdjs

HELLO !! feel free to 🤝 i love talking about iland (i am hyperfixated)

omg yes there were so many cute friendships that i wish mnet covered more !! :( jungwon and heeseung were so meant to be friends like 🥹🥹 omg in the ghost episode when jungwon slept in heeseung's bed was the first time i realized that he rlly lets himself be a kid around hee 🥰 NO YEAH MY HEART BROKE THAT EPISODE 😭 heeseung's sobbing actually hurt me holy shit i hate mnet for what they put those boys through

omg i felt so sad when jay went up without riki and started crying into k's shoulder 😭 ALSO WHEN JAY DID HIS MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE LOLL i definitely feel like jay jake riki and sunoo (and daniel) grew a lot closer in ground but i was so soft for jayki:') 💘💘 OMG YES SUNOO AND JAEBEOM WERE SO CUTE i just feel like they matched each other's energy so well !! i wish iland showed more interactions because jaebeom clearly had gotten close with more ilanders (sunghoon nominating him for parts, them using sunoo's call to call jaebeom) but i think mnet just focused on the drama + training + a few select friendships

that part where taki was crying on his way to ground and sunoo held his hand and walked him to the building ☹️☹️ they were too cute!!! but yes i remember their pictures together from hanging out n im so happy they're still close 🥰 omg "my one and only unit" changed the trajectory of my life forever like it's been my bio for two years now because of how insane of a hold it has over me 😵‍💫 02z were so so cute :')) part of the reason why i was so sad that ej got eliminated in pt 1 but we got so many cute jaykehoon moments 🥹💖 the entire ghost episode made me ADOREEE them like jake and sunghoon going everywhere together and pranking jay in the bathroom,, then their little dispute "i'll walk you to your room and then we'll walk to mine" "you cant even walk to your room by yourself??" and then jake getting all riled up and saying he could only to run back to sunghoon 😭😭 AND JAY AND JAKE SAYING THEYD SHOWER TOGETHER BC THEY WERE SO SCARED 😭🤚

omg yes jay was so cute around k he let himself be a little brother 🥹🥹 i think he needed that person he could go to and be vulnerable because he tried to put up a strong front a lot of the time and was under so much pressure 🤧 literally cried at the part of him writing all of those letters with his mosquito bitten hands :(( omg yeah i wanna know if enha have more idol friends HAHHA i know heeseung's friends with jeongin, beomgyu, and lim jimin and i know a few members are friends with tnx members OH and shotaro and riki are friends 🥰🥰💖💖

HAHAH no need to apologize i feel insane over iland friendships too 😵

[arduadastra]

An unhinged recap of TLOU EP3

Honestly read at your own peril, I cried a lot in this one

*spoilers ahead*

So right off the bat I played TLOU with my partner very soon after it came out, and then again.....and again......(and again) a few more times so I thought I was ready for this. I was ready for grissly asshole bill needing to go find Frank because he's only gone and got himself in some shit and yeah joel and ellie come along I know where a battery is but oh no Frank got bit?! and have a cry but did we get that? No. Do i wish we did? Absolutely not.

But i am kinda bummed we didnt get pedro pascal caught upside down shooting at zombies because of Frank's trap....thats one of my all time favourite scenes

ANYWAY

The whole set up to Bill and who he is, is done so well and with comedy too. It's meant to be ridiculous in a way that someone like bill, a prepper and lets be real we all know one, who 9/10 is called crazy is now the smart one and we see him living his best solo life in his mini town

5. Years pass im thinking huh, that isnt too long, we arent up to present day yet and then i see my boy frank in a hole and im thinking OH YEAHHHH we get some BACKSTORY

6. "there is no girl" "i know" - why did this make me laugh yet cry in the same breath? its so bloody unfair people can grow up without knowing what it is to love and be loved simply because some assholes out there made it 'not the norm' and considering how bill grew up, im sure that didnt help either.

7. "have you done this before?" "no"

8. Young joel in that sunshine? eating with that fork on a fancy plate with pedro's non grey hair and looking clean as frick? this was for the pedro simps and i APPROVE

8.5 MY BOYS JUST WANNA GROW STRAWBERRIES OK

9. the raiders hit, im thinking SHIT here we go, this is when theyre gonna kill frank and joel and ellie will show up and bill will be an asshole and joel will think nothing of it and ill be screaming at my tv and all will be right in the wor- wait what BILL GOT HIT?!

10. oh he's fine

11. Frank isn't though

12. This is where im prepping myself right? I KNEW since i started this episode that he would die, he died in the game and he's gotta die here but im not liking this.

13. Bill stop naming Frank's pills fun names im literally crying

14. Frank: "This is my last day" Me:

15. I dont need to write the speech he made because honestly if i did i'll just cry again and im writing this on my laptop and i really cant afford a new one but you all know that made you cry too

16. THEY. GOT. MARRIED. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! ARE YOU?! BECAUSE THIS SUCCEEDED MAN YOU DID IT - WELL DONE

17. Now here i am, tears streaming down my face when you lose something you cannot replace Frank has drunk the wine, im a puddle and then Bill.....this mother fricker....downs his glass and im thinking wait a miniute here....this isnt what happened in the game

18. "objectively.....that is very romantic"

19. ........ *frank castle voice* wait wait wait wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

20. my ass is in denial right, im like nah ok bill is gonna wake up and that'll be horrifying and heartbreaking because now hes forced to live on without the love of his life and joel and ellie arrive and his door is locked and i knew this aint the way it's gonna be

21. the letter. I need say nothing more.

22. So after ALL THAT, all the sobbing and crying and pact and 'we left a window open' they're just gonna throw at me some joel and ellie bonding in the car? theyre gonna give me the game quotes of 'what you say goes' ????????????????

TLDR: EP3 was beautiful and heartwarming and then soul sucking all at once. While i didnt get my refirdgerator scene i got something so much more and I loved them for that. Now im just hoping ellie found those magasines because best BELIEVE thats another of my all time favourite scenes from the game

[sadistpet]

(( ok, i saw you post a portrayal meme i think and i just wanted to drop in there for a quick minute and do a thing; I AM SORRY IF THIS MAKES LITTLE SENSE I AM SO SLEEPY

oh my lord, where did you come from? like, you appeared one day and the volgin inside me was like 'AY OOP U WOT' and dont get me wrong i need to get on volgin and let these men make love but shhh enough of that a minnie while i talk some waffle;

firstly, your writing is. MWAH. the goOD CUSH. the best cush even? i've seen you talk of your education and like, in my opinion, it goes beyond that. like, i read your writing and im just- i feel as though i should get a hot cup of cocoa and snug up as if i'm reading a book. you're articulate and your words are beautifully written. im no critic by any means (high school level BAYBEEEE) but i can tell you now that when i read your writing, i'm simply blown away by how incredible it is. you can see the passion in your words, the way you describe things, people, places, etc. it's like seeing someone paint a beautiful picture - but with words! (if that makes sense???)

as for your portrayal; THANK YOU SO MUCH. seriously, thank you for showing us raikov. thank you for giving him more than just 'the pretty boy comic relief lover of big scary man'. you've given him so much more, while staying canon, respecting canon and doing canon justice. i think if kojima saw the way that you write raikov, he would give it his blessing because you truly do such a magical job with the character. i always say to people who are passionate about their characters that i love that, i admire it. it excites me seeing writers clearly in love with what they're writing and i always get that vibe from you. and AND as one side character writer to another, straight up solidarity with you, my friend. keep doing a wonderful job (i know u will).

fINALLY cause i have WAFFLED MASSIVELY, you - are so wonderful. seriously, always supportive, always sweet, always kind. i want to pat your head and show u to everyone like that one will smith meme. you're fab and i am SO so glad that we're moot moots. thank you for being so fabulous, i'd tell you to keep being amazing but i know that you will. <3 ))

OH MY GODDDDDS HAN YOU ARE SO SWEET ( CRUSHES YOU AFFECTIONATELY LIKE WHEN RAIDEN DOES IT WITH A SPINE ) YOU ARE LITERALLY SO SWEET IM THROWING UP SCREAMING CRYING

to answer your question of where i came from i was in fact delivered to this world in a very small little basket with pink bows on it and an atomic bomb in my hands. and i found out about raikov because my beloved showed me mgs2 and he loves raiden ( me too ) and raikov is obviously linked on his page and something about him just made me keep coming back. maybe because i am also blonde haired blue eyed love eating whiny mean and annoying. but something about him i just needed to write. i love love love taking neglected characters and doing a 2000s makeover to make them into an actual Character and he was a perfect candidate !

and then i nailed down this url and i just HAD to make this blog ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAW THAT YOUR BLOG EXISTED. OH MY GOD. i was like no now i need to theres a fucking stellar writer here writing volgin. i need to throw raikov at them with all the strength of a baseball pitcher or whatever theyre called idk baseball terms BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE. part of the reason this blog exists is literally because of yours. SO YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO THANK

YOURE SO SWEET since i developed cfs/me in my mid-late teens ive felt my writing has kinda. gone downhill. so it makes me so happy to hear that people are still enjoying what i'm doing ;o; YOU ARE SO SWEET I AM SO GLAD I DIDNT LET THE AVPD WIN AND STOP ME FROM MAKING THIS BLOG CAUSE AUGH. AUGH. everyone intimidated me so much but youre all so so sweet and nice to me i fucking baheem sob sob THANK U SO MUCH. GRABS YOU

[wherehave-yougone]

TW!!!!!!!!! Violence and substances mentioned!!!!

THIS IS A VENT POST about something I went through that I've never told anyone before. I thought if i wrote it all out maybe I could work through it a little.

December 31 2022,

Me and my fiance at the time went to a new years party at our friend J's house and I invited one of my childhood friends. Everyone had been drinking and smoking w**d, but no one had gotten as drunk as my fiance.

When the countdown to midnight started we all went outside to light fireworks. My fiance was so drunk he fell off the porch twice, and had to be helped into a chair. He was angry and calling me names at this point, and he said he wanted to go home. We had gotten in some minor fights before where we threw things or pushed each other , I didn't want to escalate to that so I chose to not be in the same vehicle as my fiance.

J drove him while my friend and i followed behind in another car. They got my fiance inside and put him in bed. Everyone had left ( or so i thought).

I went to put a blanket over my fiance.. He got up and charged towards me. I calmed him down a little and he went to the bathroom, but shortly after came running out to charge at me again. He grabbed me by the wrists pushing me in no particular direction. After some struggle I pushed him onto the couch but he still had hold of my arms tightly. I was frozen with shock and fear. I kept repeating "its ok it's ok its ok" in a whisper to try to rationalize what was happening. The only other words i managed to say were "im sorry please I know its my fault" even though I didnt know what i was apologizing for. He kept trying to swing his fists and kick his legs at me for what felt like hours, but was luckily too drunk to really land any hits.

I managed to call J while still being held by my arms and told him I needed help. J responded with " just call the cops and let them take him". I didn't want him to go to jail and ruin his life... Our life. So i called his parents. They said I should "relax it cant be that bad" to which I screamed "come get your son or the cops will". They showed up 30 minutes later (they only live 10 minutes away) and didn't try to stop him at all.

Once I finally got away from him I hid in a gap between the stove and the counter. His parents let him run around trying to find me until he gave up and they got him in their car. I handed my engagement ring to his mom and she pushed it back towards me saying "just wait until tomorrow to make a decision". His parents tried to convince me to get over it multiple times until they left and took him with them.

I don't know if it was from the shock or just needing to get away, but i ran outside to the parking lot. My childhood friend had been in his truck trying to sober up before heading home, and saw me run out. After explaining what happened we went back inside to start cleaning everything that had been broken from the fight.

After putting the lamp back on the broken table with my busted pineapple clock, I fell to the floor and started sobbing. With no energy to move, i laid there in a crumpled ball all night while my friend sat next to me just listening to me cry... 11 years of tears and anger came out that night. All of the things I had held in for so long surfaced and kept pouring out uncontrollably.

Morning finally came, as my phone started ringing. "Why am I at my parents" he said in an angry tone. I explained to him what had happened ... "Bullsh*t that didn't happen, im coming home right now f*ck you dont lie to me". I begged him not to come home yet, i said I was scared and needed time. He stayed away for a week until he decided it had been long enough and once he came home he saw the bruises on my arms. they were so bad i had to wear long sleeves at work for a month.

In that month things escalated. Every time I tried to talk to him I'd end up screaming and manic but I didn't know why. He drank every day even though he promised he would go to AA and get help. He would try to convince me to stay the night with him and every time i did he would be mad I didn't want to have s*x. I just wanted to be held but that "wasn't fair to his needs".

Through all of this my friend was trying to get approved on a trailer for us to live in, and that just pushed my fiance over the edge, but I needed a break and didn't trust any of my other friends anymore to stay with them. After signing the lease my fiance would call me and yell for hours about how I was a wh*re ,and I deserved to d*e ,and how he'd str*ngle my friend and "h*ng him by his dreadlocks". Then he would switch to how he was sorry and that I shouldn't be with someone like him and that I deserved better. He would threaten to k*ll himself multiple times, he took pills so much i had to call his dad to make sure he was ok.

One day he called and said he was going to k*ll himself and sounded serious. I had my friend drive me to him as fast as possible while my fiance was screaming profanity at me over the phone the whole way. As I walked in he put a g*n to his head and said "look at what you've done". I panicked and started hitting his chest to try to get him to stop. Finally he put it down and said " sorry I'm not in my right mind" and convinced me he wouldn't do it if I stayed the night. I agreed (I'm an idiot). We laid in bed cuddling when he tried to convince me to have s*x again and got mad like usual because I didn't want to. He told me i was over reacting and that "its not like he r*ped me" so he didn't understand why i didn't want to have s*x. We ended up fighting the whole night until sunrise.

After that I didn't go back until the weekend was over. Upon entering the apartment I found condoms all over the bed, and some drawing clearly done by a girl on the kitchen table. I called him crying. He had been begging me to come back while he was f*king some other girl. The same days he said I was his soulmate and he loved me, he had another girl on our couch holding my cat, taking my home.

A few more days past and he messaged me saying that he was done. He told me I could keep the engagement ring because "he wanted his first love to always keep it", He said that he found someone and they made him happy. He said just because he's happy doesn't mean he doesn't miss me.. And that maybe other people needed us in their lives more right now.. He told me we could be friends.

August 5th 2023 came and he said that he wanted the engagement ring back and I needed to come get one last box of stuff. The box was full of my childhood pictures and all the love notes I'd written him.. Even the most recent one. I was crushed seeing him in person again. I saw his new girl through the window holding my cat in the apartment I picked out for us... I told him he had been my best friend and that I would always love him but he hurt me, to which he said "you'll get over it". This was not the man i loved for all those years.. This was a stranger. As my friend drove us back I broke down screaming and crying about how much i wanted to d*e. My friend just stayed quiet and let me get it out the whole way home.

Days turned into weeks and I was still crying. I still am and its been 124 days since I last saw him... I don't know if i cry because I miss him or if I cry because the pain he caused wont go away. I know I cry because I lost my cat, my baby. He took him after promising I could have him and I'll never be able to see his orange face ever again... This is what crushes me most, To the point that I've decided to not have children so I never have to be that attached to something or someone again.

Not even a week ago he blocked me on everything just so he could post pictures of his new girl. He hated taking pictures. He never let me post selfies of my own. I haven't made a post on regular social media in a year and I feel pathetic... I feel stupid for still feeling hurt over what he does. He promised to be my best friend no matter what, he broke every other promise so why would he keep this one..

Its been months since that incident and just now people from my friend group are reaching out to me to ask how i am. And to tell me how my ex has ghosted everyone for his new girlfriend. So since they don't have him they think they can be friends with me again. Ha! Yeah f*cking right. No one was there for me except the people i talk to now and I'm not going to let that go. They all had bad things to say about the person i live with now but couldn't be there when i needed help ? go jump off a bridge you f*cks.

No one in my old life cared. I could starve and cut and take dr*gs and they would tell me I needed to lose more weight or needed to take more dr*gs cuz I was too uptight. My ex didn't even care when I lost 40 lbs from not eating. He just told me i was stupid . He threw a hashbrown at me once and said i was ret*rded cuz it was just food and that i shouldn't be crying cuz I wanted to eat it but couldn't make myself.

Some days I see how bad my past was.. Other days im blinded by the good memories and cry because I wonder if I made the right choice. I lost my cat, my fucking baby, over all of this. I lost the person I called my soulmate and my best friend, the person i thought was going to hold my wrinkly hand when im old...the thought of losing that still makes me cry even now... and I lost my hometown because I ran away. But I have gained a lot too since leaving.

I've started dating the person i live with. He was there through it all and showed me just how amazing of a person he is. I always felt a connection but my love for my ex was always too strong to make me think of anyone else. But now I find myself becoming more attached to my new bf. I can be vulnerable. Even if he isn't the best with words or advice, he listens. He doesn't tell me to stop crying, he just holds me until i do. I didn't intend to love someone else so quickly, and i may not be fully healed but that's ok. I am building myself back up with him. And he is very patient. We have our own issues, every relationship does, but I feel like maybe i can get through this trauma a little easier when hes there. I'm afraid to ever be that connected to someone again though... I dont know if I'll ever trust someone the way i did with my ex.. I might never let myself fully love again. And that is my payment for loving someone deeper than the ocean. Guard your heart until you know the person you love will guard it for you. And treat every day like its the last you'll see your loved ones or pets.. Because for me it was. Knowing they're 30 minutes away and I'll never be able to see them again will forever be something i have to live with and work through... But it will hurt me until the day i die.

If you read all of this, i just want to say thank you. You took the time out of your day to read some strangers life story, which shows you care more than anyone in my life currently. You are awesome <3 feel free to message or follow, I follow back <3

[viaalterego]

tw- graphic and disturbing descriptions violence. you have been warned

this was not how Techno imagined his Friday night going. finding his brothers halfway through the window, hands and faces stained with blood.

there was no shouting. no talking even. just silent acceptance as the two walked passed Techno and straight to the bedrooms. probably to get changed, Technos mind supplied. while the room was dark and their clothes were black, Techno didn't doubt that there were stains left behind form their activities.

Techno had always known something was going on. surprisingly, i stated with Tommy.

it wasn't that Tommy never lied. no no no. it was that Tommy was a terrible liar. his tells were easy to figure out if you looked long enough. he might as well had "GUILTY" written in bright red on his forehead whenever was trying to hide what he had done. he'd pick at his nailbeds til they bled, he'd look anywhere but your eyes, the way he constantly was shifting from foot to foot as if he was looking for a way to escape.

at first, Techno was suspicious. so far everything seemed fine with Tommy. his grades were alright. he hadn't gotten into any fights. he had sassed a teacher to the point he was sent to the office. so why was he so easily spooked whenever he saw him or Wilbur?

his answer? "um- some kid at my school- he, uh. he's dead. Passed away on Tuesday i guess."

murdered was more like it. found in an alley a few blocks away from the school. the lady who owned the doughnut shop found him when she threw out the trash.

Techno felt sick. He didnt question it afterwards. he comforted his brother and went on with his life. thankful that it wasn't Tommy.

he was still jittery though as the weeks went on. techno couldnt blame him. his classmate was stabbed 27 times and dumped behind a dumpster. and worst part? he wasnt the only one.

more reports showed up. more kids. all around Tommys age. from Tommys school. four kids in total, if you included the first one.

then it was a teacher.

thats when Tommy broke down. Wilbur called the school and Tommy stayed at home. in bed all day. Techno was never good with emotions, sent Wilbur to console his brother. Techno waited behind the closed door, listening to his brother's fearful sobs. Praying to whatever god may be out there that his brother. their Tommy wouldn't be next.

there werent any more reports for the next month.

then two. then three.

Then Wilbur was next.

now wilbur... he wasnt just good at lying, per se. he knew how to distract. misdirect a conversation. but most of all, it was his knowledge. studying whoever he considered the enemy an knowing what to say and how to say the very thing that makes his opponent stumble and stutter. it came in handy with high school politics, or predicting election results.

wilbur was crafty. so when Techno ask about what he and Tommy talked about that night. "why dont you ask him?" was his response, knowing full well that his brother used him as a scapegoat.

the next murder occurred. another teacher. different school. then another. a custodian. same school as the first. and a third. some lady on the school board. same district for both schools.

when he asked about what he thought about strange Tommy's behavior after the deaths. "grief is hard, whether you knew them or not. I'm sure there was some philosophy about death, isn't their Techno? i wouldnt know. do you? you are the one who studied literature-"

it was never a straight answer,

not even when specific pieces of clothing went missing. when mysterious stains that Tommy claimed to be ketchup couldnt come out of Tommys t-shirts. or the sudden appearance of a black duffle bag hidden in the back of Wilburs closet

Regardless, Techno knew his brothers well enough that they would come to him in case of any problems.

at least, the thought he did.

so thats where he finds himself now, on what was supposed to be a normal Friday night. mind reeling, as had he walked over to the couch and sat down. all the pieces snapping into place forming a picture Techno could ignore.

he could thinking about one thing...

"now what?"

Techno looked up.

Tommy was in the doorway. his face and hands clean from earlier (the was still something though... it was still underneath his fingernails) his hair is still a little damp from showering and is becoming a golden poof on his head.

he looked... fine. as if he hadn't killed God knows who tonight (thought he'd probably find out in the morning news though) Tommy looked completely unphased. refreshed even.

how had Tommy been living like this for the past seven months?

Technos eyes lingered on his brother. distantly he could hear the shower turning on, probably Wil washing up. but as he staired in to his brothers eyes. the ones that once held guilt, fear and shame. the ones that were now free from all that...

"what now, Techno"

-\0~0/-

okay... im stopping here.

i never intended on writing a full-on snippet but oh well. i had fun with tho. too much really.

its almost midnight... aughhh and i told myself id go to bed early tonight. bruhhhh.

credit to Sircantus for the prompt

Au where crimeboys are serial killers and Techno is their older sibling who finds out and has a choice to make: turn them in (lose them) or join them (lose yourself)

[cryingweepingboohoo]

sad late in life lesbian (not really, i came out at 23 but god i feel old)

I fucking hate that i spent a decade repressing what i knew for an entire decade prior. I fucking hate that i allowed myself to give into comphet, into the fear i had of being gay. I wish i could say that i know where it came from but im not sure. about a thousand things, probably, from the relentless bullying, sexual abuse, casual homophobia and oversexualization, watching shit like boys dont cry WAY to young as my first introduction into any form of queerness, down to attending way to much fucking church and youth group.

Fuck

i wish i could have embrased my identity with clarity and assuredness like i did as a young child.

I remember, being a little girl and chasing boys around with my friends, except i only kept chasing because it meant i got to watch out for my female friends. It meant any possibility that when the boys got tired of chasing, my friends would wrap their arms around my shoulders and fall back into the grass laughing at the fun we just had, as you do when your young.

I recall the first time i EVER came out. It was the summer between 3rd and 4th grade. I had spent the day riding bikes with my best friend, fighting the lump at the back of my throat, waiting for us to take a break in the empty driveway of the houses on the construction site we liked to ride our bikes in.

She took off her helmet, and her white blonde hair blew out, shining in the sunlight. And.I.FUCKING.LOST.IT. I sobbed, snotty and gross. I asked her if i could tell her something really serious. She said yes because of course she did.

I confessed to her that when i went to the store, i looked at womens butts when they walked past me. I told her i liked girls. She looked confused, asked what i mean because i always wanted to hang out with the neighbor boy. I told her that i fellt like i had to like boys because i was supposed to.

i felt so uncomfortable, exposed. FUCK i thought i was going to go to hell (this was made worse by ragung undiagnosed OCD), I was convinced that any moment now, god was going to strike me down, that a hole to hell was going to open up and swallow me whole.

she said "Oh Okay" and asked if we could ride our bikes some more. We never talked about it ever again but it was all i could think about every time i saw her.

every time i went to our neighbor boys house to hang out. I knew he had a crush on me. It was obvious(not to sound too narcisistic there, dude let me and his sister put his hair in pigtails and let me pick whatever i wanted for movies when i stayed the night at his house, so like typical kid crush things). He and his buddies were playing basketball, and i was awful at sports but i really wanted the other boys to see me, to recognize me, to let me in. And i played awfully, and the neighbor boy, at the ripe age of idfk 9? grabbed me by the hips and physically showed me how to throw the basketball, like they do in the movies. It was so small but that moment told me everyhing.

You are not one of the boys, you are not like them, god was right, you were designed for men, it would be a sin to ever tell anyone else that you were gay. (again, the leaps made here are the fault of many things, primarily the undiagnosed OCD)

Fuck this is so much rambling. what i mean by all of this is that i feel like i robbed myself of ever growing into myself fully as a butch.