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obwjam · 1 year ago

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i humbly present: giant!spider-noir and tiny!peni parker

anons, i am sure you are THRILLED that i am FINALLY getting around to your asks after a... decent amount of time lol and i still dont feel like i'm fully out of my g/t writers block but we take what we can get. everyone please enjoy some long-overdue peni and noir content 🫶

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“Oh, no… kiddo…”

Peni didn’t know what to do. It was like all the air had been sucked from her lungs and her ears were ringing and her brain was going a mile a minute. The tiny girl continued to sob, head in hands, and the imposing figure of Noir could only look down in discomfort, for so many reasons.

First of all, he hated the way Peni looked so helpless and fragile as she simply sat on a tabletop. It was some experiment gone wrong, she told him – as she tried to find a way to retrofit the dimension-hopping bracelets without having to go through HQ, a calculation must have been off, or she just didn’t account for dimensional differences, because she landed right where she wanted to – in Noir’s world – but when she came to, everything was gigantic and she couldn’t handle it.

“I don’t… I don’t believe it… Peni…?”

It was starting to get dark out, but even in the middle of the day, there was no mistaking the flashing colors of the portal ripping open. Noir had sensed it and positioned himself right next to it, but… nobody emerged.

At least that’s what he thought. As he glanced down in deep thought after the portal collapsed in on itself and disappeared, something was nagging at the back of his brain.

Something familiar… intertwined with burning fear.

Peni, for her part, didn’t even know what was going on. Her bracelet showed that she was exactly where she wanted to be – Earth 90214.

So why did everything feel so… heavy?

Maybe it’s because this place was devoid of any color, and that always threw her for a loop. No, no, that’s not it. She’s been here before, and that never truly bothered her beyond the cosmetics. Maybe her calculations were slightly off, and the inter-dimensional journey was particularly taxing this time.

She got to her feet and immediately wobbled, blinking rapidly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing. This is weird… I can’t see a thing.

The first footstep was like thunder. Peni winced, shutting her eyes on instinct as she staggered backwards. The subsequent footsteps were no better, and she soon found herself dizzy as she spun around trying to figure out what was happening.

Noir’s heart lurched at the tiny girl’s reaction. He hated the way she looked so helpless on the ground, and his chest suddenly filled with a cocktail of stress, anger and the pure urge to protect.

Through her disorientation, Peni was able to discern that the dark shadow that was cast over her was suddenly getting darker. The sinking feeling of being loomed over was almost overwhelming her spidey senses, but something told her she had to look up.

She didn’t expect the massive, imposing figure of Spider-Noir to be right in front of her.

Her eyes widened as she realized what was going on. No – no – this can’t be happening – how did this happen! – I – I can’t let him see me like this!

“Peni, wait!” Noir cried as the tiny girl took off, forgetting how loud his voice was to her now. “It’s me, it’s Noir! Wait!”

Peni sprinted as fast as her little legs would take her. No time to look back, she thought. I’ve got to get out of here.

Noir’s heart sank. Peni was clearly desperate to escape. He just couldn’t let her do that. The world was dangerous enough for a normal spider person, but now that one of them could fit in the palm of his hand? It was a disaster waiting to happen.

Peni was so focused on getting out of there that she didn’t notice Noir bending down to snatch her up. It wasn’t until his fingertips practically brushed her back did she notice, and by then, it was too late.

A piercing scream echoed up from Peni, causing Noir to wince as he slowly lifted his tiny friend up from the ground. He cringed at the way she kicked and screamed and punched to try and escape, but he knew he had to do this. He did his best to ignore her protests, plopping her in his palm as gently as he could before curling his fingers over her, shrouding her in darkness.

Inside, Peni was panicking. Logically, being with Noir while she was now tiny was the best possible outcome, but everything about her current situation defied all logic. She desperately hurled her fist at the walls of her new prison, but she simply bounced backwards every time. She wasn’t even sure Noir could feel anything, considering he was wearing thick gloves.

Oh, Noir could feel it. Every small impact against his gloved hand sent a shiver down his spine as he ran back to his hideout. There were so many questions swirling around in his brain – questions he knew Peni would have the answer to… if she could work up the courage to talk.

After what felt like hours of movement, Peni felt Noir lurch to a stop. She swallowed and closed her eyes as light flooded her vision. Once she adjusted, her trembling eyes scanned her surroundings and horror filled her senses. She knew this place, but almost none of it was recognizable. Various weapons and pieces of technology looked positively alien, and almost everything looked like it was capable of killing her in an instant.

Thoroughly terrified and definitely embarrassed, she refused to meet Noir’s gaze as he took a seat and kept his hand hovering above the tabletop. Underneath his mask, Noir’s eyes were flickering to a new thing every few seconds – her panicked eyes, her heavy breathing, the small cuts and bruises she sustained in the crash landing.

“Peni… are… are you okay?” he finally asked. He didn’t want to startle her more than he already had, but even the rumbling of his voice made her cower. She crossed her arms and kept her gaze forward.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to feel when he held her, but now that he had a moment to process the situation, he felt… protective. This was a tiny life he was holding, and he had all the power in this situation. His stomach jumped when he felt her start to tremble. She was at his disposal, and that was terrifying to Noir. He didn’t like thinking of her as helpless, and it was all exacerbated by the fact that she wouldn’t even look at him.

“Peni… please… I need you to talk to me.” He tried to conceal his own shaking voice. “Tell me what happened.”

Eventually, she did, but it took a lot of coaxing and a lot of waiting. Peni tried her best to repair her watch, but she was trying to exhaust every single option at her disposal to avoid having to admit what she did to Miguel. Noir did what he could to help, but mostly, he would just keep Peni company and reassure her that everything was going to be fine.

Today, things were not fine.

It had been nearly a month that Peni had been stuck like this, and it was starting to weigh down on her. She lay awake on the makeshift bed that Noir had made for her, staring up at the ceiling that was impossibly far away. Noir was off on a mission, and he insisted that she wasn’t allowed to come with him. It was too dangerous.

So she was alone.

For some reason, it felt worse today than any other day. She was tired – tired from working nonstop, tired at having to look up at everything, tired from trying to keep it together. She didn’t even get a good night’s sleep last night because, as much as he hates to admit it, Noir snores.

That, and she just had another nightmare.

She was in distress, couldn’t Noir see that? She thought it was obvious. Maybe he really didn’t notice, or he pretended not to because it made him uncomfortable. Like this whole thing didn’t make Peni uncomfortable! Why did he have to go on that stupid mission? She needed him here.

For the next hour, with her hands folded on top of her stomach, Peni lay there, staring, thinking. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Noir’s gloved hand completely encompassing her vision and she grew smaller and smaller in its presence. The one person she felt that she could count on was a hundred times her size and could kill her in an instant. As much as she tried to take her mind off of everything, the same thing kept echoing in her head: My dad would know what to do.

She barely noticed when Noir returned, twisting gracefully down the pole from above ground and landing with a thud that normally would have made her jump. The spider giant brushed off his coat and glanced over at the tabletop, dismayed to see Peni still laying in bed.

He padded over and bent down to her height, squinting to see if she was awake or asleep.

“Hey, kiddo…” he said softly, afraid of startling her. “You, uh… you alright?”

To Noir’s surprise, Peni rolled over and glared at him before emphatically flipping around so her back was now facing him.

Noir’s eyes widened. It was moments like these that reminded him that she was just a teenager.

“Is... something bothering you?”

Peni didn’t answer, which was effectively an answer.

Noir racked his brain. It wasn’t like he had extensive experience dealing with teenage girls at a normal height. “Do you, uh… do you want to… talk about it?”

Peni let out a small humph, which just made Noir’s heart leap.

“Come on, kid, you can talk to me, you know that.”

Peni was utterly embarrassed, but she had no choice. It wasn’t like she could walk away. Slowly, she turned back toward Noir, whose expression brightened underneath his mask when her tiny, delicate eyes met his. Peni’s cheeks flushed red as she sat up and crossed her arms in protest.

“There. You happy now?”

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” Noir asked, trying to sound genuine but instead sounding accusatory. A full day out in the field certainly wasn’t helping.

Peni was dumbfounded. “Oh, nothing, I’m just stuck like this and I don’t know how to fix it and I’m – I’m all alone!”

Noir felt a pang in his heart. “Alone? You… you have me.”

“You’re off on missions all the time, though!”

“Well, yeah! I have a job to do! I’m sorry, Peni, I… I can’t just stay home all the time because you want me to!”

Tears began to prick the corner of Peni’s eyes. Why was she so angry?

“It–it doesn’t matter, okay? Forget I said anything! You’re – you’re not my father, and you never will be!”

Both spider people gasped. Noir never thought of himself as her father – after all, he was only 19 years old, so he was more like an older brother. But he always felt this connection to Peni, however inexplicable, given the respective dimensions they each come from. He had this… insatiable need to protect her from the inherent trauma that all spider people experienced. Like he could shield her from all the pain he once went through. He almost forgot that he really couldn’t do that.

Once the first tear fell, the floodgates burst open. She could barely hear Noir go “Oh, no… kiddo…” from high above her, watching helplessly as the girl he saw as family was breaking down because of him.

“Peni, I…” Noir was at a loss for words. Consoling people was not really his strong suit. But something told him that right now, she didn’t need to be lectured at or reprimanded. She needed comfort.

Peni let out a small gasp when she suddenly felt herself being lifted. Noir had gently cupped his hands around her shaking form and, ever so slowly, brought her over to his chest and held her close.

The low drumming of Noir’s heartbeat was enough to snap Peni back to reality. She looked around to confirm that yes, she was being cupped in his hands and yes, he was holding her by his heart.

“It’s okay, kiddo. I gotcha,” his deep voice rumbled from above. The sound waves traveled with ease though his body and into hers, giving her a sense of grounding and warmth that enveloped her like a blanket.

With shaking hands, she was able to wipe the tears from her face until they no longer fell. She allowed the rhythm of his heartbeat to calm her down, and she felt her trembling begin to subside, too. Soon, she had brought her legs up to her chest and curled into Noir’s fingers, allowing herself to melt into his palms.

Noir had to bite his tongue to keep from awwwing.

They sat in silence for a while, with Peni focusing on her breathing and Noir trying his best not to move. Eventually, he felt her stretch out and twist up to look at him.

“Thanks, Noir,” she squeaked, barely audible even to him. “For being here for me.”

“Anytime, kid,” he said back lowly. “Look, uh. I know I’m not the best with… uh…”

“Feelings?”

Noir chuckled. “Yeah. Those. But, you know, you can come to me anytime… about anything. And you don’t have to talk, if you want, but –”

“–Noir,” she cut him off with a chuckle of her own. “I get it.”

“Oh. Good, good.” He fell into a comfortable silence. “Would you, uh, would you like to go lay down? On the couch?”

“I’d… I’d love to,” Peni replied between yawns.

Peni lightly bounced to the rhythm of Noir’s footsteps until the two were settled on the couch with no more words to be said. It was hard for her to realize but Peni wasn’t alone – she had Noir. Sure, she was somehow four inches tall in this universe, and the sheer darkness and drab of his dimension was in stark contrast to her entire existence… but she had someone to care for her, even if it wasn’t the exact way her dad did it.

That was new for her. But she could get used to that.

#you guys dont understand how bad this writers block has been #like i have so many ideas but it's like my brain cant focus on putting them into words #but i'm just glad i was able to get this together after like a week lol #we can never have enough spiderverse content frankly #obwrites #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #spider noir #peni parker #into the spiderverse #across the spiderverse

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fabunicorn · 2 years ago

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Can you do forced agre with the hosts club

Immediately yes I have an idea it could become a series depending on my motivation levels, anyways bone apple teeth looks like it’s gonna be a long one.

Almost forgot all characters in this are aged up (almost forgot they weren’t adults then i remembered oh yeah the anime has high school in the name, so yeah their alleged up and ouran academy is a universitypls forgive me lol i dot know how i forgot tho it is agere so does it matter idk tell me in the comments since its not sexual i dont think it is but i could be wrong)

Warnings

Diapers

Forced agree

Mention of death

Mention of reader being an orphan

Drugging

Slight mention of diaper wetting and messing (very brief doesn’t actually happen just mentioned)

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Ouran academy. A place where rich snobs learn and do genuinely pointless things in between they call it the playground for the rich and beautiful a fitting name for it as those who learn there are automatically placed into power and are sheltered throughout there whole lives.

You are Y/n L/n you came from a normal family, you weren’t rich by any means however you weren’t poor either, you got into ouran academy based on your excellent grades you were offered a full scholarship today was your first day and things definitely weren’t going good. People stared at you in awe and pity as you walked though the Halls “poor thing how can she live as a commoner” one of the girls whispered to her friends as you walked past “she’s so cute like a little fawn” a boy across the hall spoke as you turned and gave him a glare. Who do these people think they are just because your poor doesn’t mean your life sucks, you’ll show them you’ll show all of them you will become the most successful person ever seen in ouran.

You

You were looking for a library that wasn’t full of pretentious sobs chattering, all you wanted was some piece and quite before your first class started. “Music room three, seems pretty quiet” you muttered to yourself opening the door being blinded by a bright light and barrage of rose petals, “welcome princess to our land of beauty” you heard a voice speak as your eyes finally adjusted to the surprise. You saw a boy with bright blonde hair and purpleish blue eyes, your eye twitched in annoyance ‘is there a room in this place where there isn’t s many people’ when the boy finally stopped posing and opened his eyes he gasped with a wide smile and tears coming out of his eyes “OH MY, your so cute” he said in a lively tone before grabbing you in a hug and spinning you around in circles.

Pushing the boy off you growled narrowing your eyes at him, looking behind the boy you saw others one small boy with blonde eyes and honey coloured eyes, a tall stoic looking boy with dark hair and a set of twins with quaffed orange hair and finally a ratherbored looking boy with rounded glasses and a girl with short brown hair but wearing the boys uniform? That same lively voice from before broke you from your thoughts “sorry dear please forgive me,my name is Tamaki Suoh you look new allow us to relax you with our esteemed host club” he spoke moving his hair from his face. “No way, who do you think you are? You can’t just randomly hug people without permission.” You said in an angry tone. One of the twin spoke “boss look at her clothes, she must be a commoner” the boy called tamaki looked at you eyes widening in shock and surprise gasping dramatically “oh my poor thing! You serve so much better your so cute and I bet once we get past that surprise and anger you’d be so sweet too.” Your brow twitched at the blondes words “just because I’m poor doesn’t mean anything, and don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know its rude.”

The girl spoke up “I agree with her on this senpai” you looked in her direction and smiled, you liked her she seemed nice “thanks” you said to the girl before hearing gasps from all of the boys “look at that smile how cute!” You groaned in annoyance before the boy wearing glasses spoke up “I never thought I’d say this but I agree with you boys she is quite adorable.” Tamaki at hearing this grabbed you and started spinning you around again “you even made the stoic kyoya smile what talent! You must join the host club your so cute everyone would love you.” You pushed tamaki off you again becoming dizzy you stumbled before you bumped into a table knocking off a variety of teacups and teapots.

“Uh oh” sang one of the twins “we were going to sell those in our next auction” spoke the other one,you sweat dropped “look even though its not my fault cuz you spun me I’ll pay you back” the boy in glasses chuckled “sorry princes but it would take you years to pay this off” you frowned your first day at this school was not going well, the boys interrupted you “please step outside while we discuss what we should do.” You nodded a solemn look on your face before stepping outside.

The boys huddled together whispering “she’s sweet and cute don’t you agree” Tamaki spoke a chorus of hums following in reply “she’s poor too a girl as sweet and cute like that deserves better.” Spoke Hikaru, kyoya piped up “I took a look at her files apparently sh was bullied in her own school and lives alone, her parents are dead.” Honey geared up at this “you mean she is an orphan?” Kyoya nodded a serious look crossing his features “oh that poor girl she must be working else how is she providing for herself” Tamaki spoke “she works in a cafe” kyoya replied, a though popped into all of their heads and they smiled. “I believe we are all thinking the same thing” kyoya said “I bet she’s stressed and I’ve seen something called ageregressio. It supposed to help, plus she’s so cute and sweet someone like her should never have to lift a finger especially after what she’s been through.” Spoke tamaki “then its settled well tale her to one o our houses to do this then well come back once she’s settled in” spoke kyoya. Surprisingly harsh I agreed with them too, she genuinely thought it would help you.

Haruhi went to let you back in “you can come back in now” she spoke in a soft tone a small smile gracing her features. You gulped in fear ‘these people can do whatever they want they will only believe the and even if they don’t they can pay people off’ you thought anxiously before stepping back into the room, the boys smiled as you walked in “we have come to a decision that we will tell you at one of our houses later, for now I believe it’s best for us to introduce ourselves” kyoya said that same bored expression back on his face “you already know me little one my name is tamaki suoh” the tall blonde spoke with a dazzling smile, “I’m honey and this here is Takeshi” spoke the small boy as h pointed to himself and the tall stoic boy who only gave a solemn nod in your direction. “We are the twins hikaru and Koaru dont worry your little head over who’s who you’ll never be able to tell” they giggled in sync with one another “I’m haruhi” said the girl whom you actually liked you smiled sadly at her before turning your attention back to the boy with glasses “my name is kyoya” he spoke plainly before tuning back to his clipboard.

“Okay little one meet us at the front of the school after lunch” spoke tamaki once more offering you a bright smile before showing you off “now hurry little one dont want to be late for your first class” he said finally allowing you to leave, you did so hoping to not arouse their anger.

They boys spoke in a hushed tone “we’ve got a lot of work to do, let’s get started.”

Timeskip

Lunch could not have come quicker and you were waiting anxiously swaying at the front of the school where the boys told you to wait, a limousine pulled up beside the boys all inside dragging your in a settling you between them before producing a cloth soaked in a strong liquid that knocked you out almost immediately.

“Shhhh dont wake her, she’s had. Rough day she needs all the rest she can get” spoke one voice “oh but kyoya I need to cuddle my little girl now” whined another voice in reply, you slowly opened your eyes sitting up before noticing something was very wrong. One you were in a bassinet,two you were in a soft onesie and diaper and three you couldn’t move very much. “See now look what you did.” Spoke the boy you remembered being kyoya they both turned and cooed to you before tamaki picked you up and settled you on his hip “oh my little girl welcome back daddy will explain soon but first we gotta get that diaper checked we dont want you getting a rash now do we little bug?” He spoke in a warm tone, your eyes widened at this “no,no dont touch me you sick freak what the hell is going on.” You spoke angrily kyoya turned around and glared at you “unless you want a red bottom I suggest you let your daddy check you” this scared you enough to stop all movements and let tamaki undres you and slip a finger down your diaper checking for any wetness or messes “all dry and clean” tamaki cheered.

“Hmm if she doesn’t go soon we will have to give her some medicine we don’t want her getting sick.” Chimed kyoya with a worried expression on his face before his smile returns and he grabs you from tamaki “lets go down and see your daddies and mommy huh little one, then we can get some nice milk in your tummy.” He spoke before taking you downstairs. Once you were downstairs you entered a living room that had another bassinet a baby bouncer wing and some soft toys you were so mortified you almost didn’t notice the others I the room smiling at you. “Hey little one hows our baby doing huh.” Spoke haruhi as tamaki sat down with you settled in his lap before she put a pacifier in your mouth. You spat it out and kyoya and Moro gave you a warning look so you took it and left it in, ‘these people are weird, best not to anger them you though as tamaki broke you from your thoughts.

‘So my little girl as you may have guessed you are bing put into age regression we know ll about your past and since we all like you so much and this can help you, this is how you will be paying us back do yo understand baby.” Tamaki cooed. You nodded already making escape plan in your mind. “Now there are a few rules you must follow and things you must do for this to work.” Kyoya interrupted “you must use your diaper for all purposes, you will be treated like a newborn as we feel that will be most comforting and relaxed, you must drink out of bottles and aching else we may give you and overall act like a baby and behave or you will be punished. Understand.” Kyoya said, you nodded playing along so they would trust you.

Honey tried waving usa chan in your face making voices and trying to make your laugh but you were too mentally exhausted to deal with that so mori took you from tamaki “it seems our little girl is tired so for now its a baba and a nap.” He spoke in a gruff tone, the others agreed and one of them left to make you a bottle whilst you were being rocked in moris arms.

‘Lord give me strength’ you thought with a blank stare.

To be continued…

#ouran host club #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #forcedagere #yandere agere #agere diapers #hikaru and kaoru #honey senpai #mori senpai #haruhi fujioka

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bonnibuckets · 2 years ago

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Love your work!😍Can i have the will to request a Roxto X reader where he feels like he isn’t good enough, kinda like comparing himself to the other guys in the village esspecily Aonung. The muscle mass, their hunting skills, riding ilus. You didnt know at first, because you found him perfect in every way, his smile, his comforting words and touch, his eyes, hes also very good making braclets out off sheels, so he often makes you cute gifts you love so much. One day you find him crying on the other side of the island when you were out picking some fruits to him and yourself, you rush over to him and comfort him, hugging him and stroke his back. You ask what is wrong but he stays quiet clinging himself on you.

But of course er love Roxto so we tell hil that, but he dosen’t fully believe you so you have to show him a few tricks😏✋

*cough… TOP!READER✋

I prob already requested this but i dont remember who i requested it to🤔💭

hello babes! i will write everything up until the smut because rotxo is a teenager in the movies, i’m sorry if that upsets you but i have plenty of other smuts you can read :)

— antics | rotxo

pairings: fem x rotxo

warnings: angst & fluff, mentions of insecurities

synopsis: rotxo compares himself to every guy you come into contact with— even his own best friend ao’nung.

wc: 700+

note: i was unaware this had been requested before to other authors but i assure that this is 100% my work and i was not inspired by anyone else i only took from the text in the request (no hate to anyone though!)

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

You can rotxo have been together for quite some time, but that never stopped his overthinking mind. He constantly thought badly of himself unintentionally whenever you were around. He thought you were too good for him and that he didn’t deserve you, his head would fill with horrible thoughts every time you talked to a boy.

He thought his his hunting skills weren’t good, his ability to ride ilus and even physical physique. Rotxo compared himself to his best friend all the time, ao’nung is naturally bigger in muscle mass and that got to him.

He tried to never show this because he knew it was a problem within himself and not anyone else's.

Until one day you were laughing at ao’nung’s stupid jokes and unaware of the pair of eyes on you both. Rotxo clutched the bracelet he made you out of shells and started sobbing as he ran away, he thought he was pathetic and he wanted to crawl in a hole.

He made his way to the beach and he plopped down and hugged his knees as hot tears rolled down his face.

—

You waved ao’nung bye to go pick some fruit for rotxo as a little surprise. You hummed as you carefully inspected each fruit with love. You gathered enough in your basket as you walked to find your boyfriend.

You pressed the basket to your hip as you looked around and then you spotted him on the beach. You smiled as your heart starting beating a little faster and your tail swayed.

“Rotxo!” you smiled and waved as he jumped and looked up with teary eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You immediately went to his side and put down the fruit as you cupped his cheeks.

“What’s wrong dear?” you questioned worried. He sniffed and wiped away his tears as he tried to speak with a shaky voice but nothing came out except more tears. Your heart sank and you pulled him into your chest as he clung to you.

You shushed him and scratched his back. “It’s okay darling,” you said kissing the top of his head. His breathing had calmed down a little and he pulled away and you wiped his tears away as he sniffled, “talk to me” you said cupping his cheek.

He looked into your eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled “i’m just scared…that i’m not good enough” he said. Your heart sank even more and you immediately pulled him back into you “no no no” you said holding onto him tightly. “Don’t say that it’s not true” you said into the crook of his neck.

“I know but,” he said pushing you away to talk to you “it’s just i feel…like everyone is better than me, every guy i see you talk to i can’t help but think about how they’re better than me. Even ao’nung is better than me! He knows how to hunt, swim, ride his ilu perfectly, and he is so much stronger than-” you cut him off with a kiss.

“Shush i don’t believe any of that for a second” you smiled with teary eyes “i just can’t imagine a life without you rotxo, you’re amazing and perfect i love everything about you! I love your smile, your laugh, your words, your touch, your eyes everything,” you said chuckling as tears rolled down your face.

Rotxo immediately panicked and wiped away your tears as he cried too “i’m sorry i really am i tried to not let get to me, but thank you” he smiled and held your face “i love everything about you too” you both smiled and pressed your foreheads against one another’s as your tails intertwined.

Rotxo popped up “i completely forgot! I made you a bracelet” he smiled as he showed you a beautiful shell bracelet. “Oh honey” your heart swooned “it must’ve taken you hours,” you said as he put it on you “i love it rotxo” you smiled. “I also got you something but not as good” you chuckled and handed him the basket of fruit and his face lit up immediately.

“Oh my favorite!” he smiled and immediately bit into it smiling like a kid “i’m happy you like it” you giggled and wiped away the juice that got on his cheek. He smiled and swallowed his food before kissing you quickly and going back to eating as you lovingly watched him without a care in the world.

— [fin]

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#avatar #fanfic #avatar way of water #awow #fluff #rotxo fluff #rotxo headcanons #rotxo imagine #rotxo #rotxo fic #rotxo x you #avatar rotxo #rotxo fanfiction #rotxo x y/n #atwow rotxo #rotxo x reader #inbox 💌

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lesbianfring · 2 years ago

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Don't mind me, just sitting down here drifting into my own thoughts about how vince and the rest of the brba/bcs writers managed to write gustavo fring in a way so thematically queer and his entire plot line being centred around max's death and his revenge, but to me it's the themes that just hit too close to home.

(I hide in plain sight) as someone who exists in a place where queerness is a crime, this is very much how I live. The double life of chicken man during the day kingpin by the just reads to me as queer allegory.

(look at him, its you're fault) do I need to explain this one at all? If you ever came across religious homophobia you'd be told that your queerness is what doomed you from the start and the harm that comes to you and your loved ones is just a natural consequence of your queerness. I remember being Bearley 16, my first partner being dragged away and into a fate that I'll never know of, and my dad telling me that if anything happens to her, it's my fault, while being pinned to a wall and searched befor entry to conversion therapy, sobbing my eyes out. The hermanos scene was so fucking traumatising to say the least, the desperation in both gus's and max's eyes and the fear that consumes any other emotion or thought, I know it too well. Honestly, I feel like an absolute joke literally having a ptsd flashback because of this scene and then reading that giancarlo said that gus's sexuality is up to interpretation, like am I joke to you or what ? Love this man as much as any fan, but bro, I just rather you'd call me a slur ?

( a bullet to the head would be too humane) There is also the anger, vengeance, and grudge he holds. Though because he is very practical, we rarely get to see this peak through, but it's definitely his greatest motivation. And I dont know how to put this into words, but if had the chance to hurt the people that hurt me and took away my ability to protect someone I promised to protect, I fucking would. He'll I'd set the systems that are built to destroy me a blaze. Though for now, me being alive, breathing, surviving, is its own kind of revenge.

( Hector vs. Gus ) this one is pretty obvious, lone wolf queer swearing off any kind of emotional connection throwing away the last 20 years of his life to avenge the death of his lover, he also expresses masculinity just never in the traditional sence, going against hector who's very much the family guy, his entire existence and power is within his family, the traditional patriarchal image of a man. They literally are opposites in everything. when hector barges into los pollos heramnos, he completely disrespects the place and "immaculates" gus by cleaning his shoes on the desk and smoking inside the restaurant. On the other hand, we see gus smiling after the Salamancas left, knowing that this meant he successfully sabotaged their operation. He won, he's the in dominance, but he won't flaunt it or scream and shout or be an ass hole unless he absolutely needs to, other than that we never see him interested in showing off his muscles to anyone. Of course, unlike hector. He'll shit himself as a show of dominance and masculinity, literally lmao.

I just hope that this shows that Queerness isn't just about sexuality and gender. It literally changes how you interact with the whole world. Whether or not this was intentionally done by the writers, a brilliant conicdance of all these things coming together and making gustavo fring is one of the best queer characters to ever be on the TV screens. I know people will mention the wine bar scene, or the 2 times he stood by the same exact same spot at eladio's pool, or fact that gus never expressed interest in women, etc. But this isn't all there is. TO ME, there is not a reading of Gustavo fring that wouldn't end up reading him as queer, specifically because of the themes listed above. And (up to interpretation) is not good enough and will never be. You don't get to profit off of me watching this getting retrumatised and then acting like it's a total stretch for me to see myself in that. It INFURATES ME honestly relating to this piece of media, that I'm probably not welcomed into the fandom or even seen as reaching far to get to the queer reading of this character, the queer fans deserve so much better than this.

Also, I know when vince and giancarlo would probably be so uncomfortable at the suggestion that gus and max have been lovers i know my bois James Martinez and Peter Gould got my back

Fucking love yall

I hope the next time I hyper fixate on a queer character that they'd be written or played by queer people. I don't think anyone could have played gus better than giancarlo himself, but how hard it is to just acknowledge that it's an integral part of who gus is? I guess it's too much for the P.R. lmao.

#gusmax #gus fring #gustavo fring #los pollos hermanos #vince gilligan #giancarlo esposito #james martinez #breaking bad #better call saul #fuck you vince #youre a brilliant writer but a fucking asshole for this one

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cosmicjoke · 1 year ago

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hi there !! thank u sm for answering my ask about the whereabouts of the scouts hq! i guess it's open to speculation of the location prior to the fall of wall maria ( or as i'd liked to call it "free real estate" lol ). anyways, i have another question for you if you don't mind! i love your analysis on levi and how emotionally intelligent he is and how he's in-tune with his emotions. i was wondering, do you think levi is the type to outwardly grieve at all? perhaps in privacy of his own quarters? we seem some subtle moments like when og levi squad dies as an example and we never see him fully cry until the finale. aside those small, yet very impactful moments, do you think he shows his grief in a more expressive way? if so, how do you envision it?

personally, i dont depict levi to be the type to showcase anger through his grief ( i guess unless zeke is involved lol ), but i feel like some days would be extremely difficult for him as he carries around the weight of his dead comrades and friends, especially at night when he's alone. i don't think he cries often, most likely due to growing up in the underground and kenny's "parental teachings", but as i said, i believe there are rare days where it's just too much, ya know?

regardless of my opinions, i would like to hear your thoughts and viewpoint on this !! thank you <3

Hi there!

Thank you for the ask, and I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help with your first! But this one hopefully I can give a better answer, haha.

We do have one, clear instant of seeing Levi express his grief outwardly, of course, and that's when Furlan and Isabel died. And Levi very much did express his grief through anger then. I would even say Levi was enraged, which we never really saw from him again. Even when Zeke forced Levi to kill so many of his own comrades, after turning them into titans, Levi's anger afterward was very controlled and measured, though still apparent. Maybe the closest we see to Levi becoming angry before then is the first time he takes Zeke down, in Shinganshina, after he cuts him out of his titan. But nothing really comes close to the outpouring of intense despair we see from him with Furlan and Isabel.

That probably has something to do with the fact that they were his family. I always say Furlan and Isabel were probably the two people who were closest to Levi in his life. The only two people who understood where he'd come from, because they came from there too. And also because they were the first, two people he really lost to the titan threat. He'd only seen one other person eaten by a titan before then. A soldier whom Levi likely had no relationship with at all. We have to remember, when Levi first joined the SC, he, Furlan and Isabel were outcasts. Nobody liked them, and nobody really talked to them or treated them kindly, outside of Erwin and Hange. The others he saw killed by titans, he only saw the aftermath of. But with Furlan and Isabel, he actually saw them directly eaten, right in front of him, and for all his great strength, he was powerless to stop it from happening.

For all the criticisms I often see lobbed at the anime adaptation of "No Regrets", I won't ever forget the raw emotion we hear in Levi's voice when he kills the titan that killed him family. We never hear Levi like that again. So enraged he sounds like he's on the verge of sobs. That was Levi losing the only two people he had in his life. His chosen family. His two first and best friends. That was Levi losing his whole world. His rage at Erwin afterward was also a manifestation of that pain. He was overcome by his grief in that moment.

I think, after that, Levi was able to form other connections, and other bonds. Especially with Hange and Erwin, and of course his own squad. And I think he felt the pain of their loss just as keenly as he did Isabel and Furlan. But by then, in order to keep moving forward himself, in order to keep fighting, Levi needed to learn to control that grief and keep it locked away. To not let it consume him or distract him. It's never been that Levi doesn't feel every loss with deep, genuine emotion, or that he's unaffected, or removed from the feeling of loss. He's always been, I think, more deeply impacted by the loss of life than anyone. He just learned to control that feeling, and more for the sake of others than for himself. He wants to stay strong so that he can do his job of protecting and fighting for others. He doesn't allow himself to wallow in his grief because he thinks it might compromise his duty to others. And that's Levi's selflessness again.

I'm certain there's been many, MANY moments in which Levi felt an overwhelming despair. I just spoke about this, in my post about how Levi more often looks sad to me than stoic. I think, when he's at rest especially, we see Levi's grief manifest on his face and in his body language. When there's nothing for him to channel his grief and despair into, it shows plainly on him. So I wouldn't be surprised if, when he had moments alone, he did give into it, if only a little. Levi doesn't strike me as much of a crier. I have a hard time picturing him really openly sobbing, for example. But he is capable of tears, and he may indeed have shed tears in private moments, when he felt sure it wouldn't negatively impact anyone around him.

There's of course something deeply tragic in that. In Levi feeling the NEED to hide his grief. To not let it show for fear of it somehow affecting others. That he feels his grief is less important than his duty toward protecting others. That he shouldn't be allowed to indulge in it. And we know this is an attitude with Levi only holds for himself. Because he never scolds anyone else for giving in to THEIR grief, and in fact does the opposite, providing them with what comfort and reassurance he can. The first time we meet Levi, he's comforting a dying soldier who's crying, wondering if he'd done his duty, holding his hand and telling him that he's done more than enough. Or with the soldier who lead the titans to them after the disaster with the Female Titan. Instead of scolding that soldier for allowing his grief to endanger the entire unit, Levi gave him Petra's patch, and told him it was his friends, just to comfort him. Or when Eren begins crying when they're all trapped in the cavern underneath Rod Reiss' estate, and while everyone else is yelling at him, telling him to man up, Levi doesn't yell at him at all, despite the peril they're all in. He instead tells Eren he's sorry to have to ask for his help again, and after Eren is able to save them, he's the only one to thank Eren and express his gratitude by telling him that it's thanks to his efforts that they'll be able to retake Wall Maria again. Or when he tells Erwin thank you, after Erwin confesses to his own grief and guilt. Instead of scolding Erwin for showing weakness in the face of catastrophe, he tells Erwin that it's thanks to him that the SC was able to get as far as it had. He tells Erwin he's been a great leader.

Even while Levi denies himself the comfort of his own grief, he never denies it to anyone else. And once again, that's Levi's selflessness manifesting. And it's heartbreaking to realize, because again, I think Levi probably feels things more deeply than anyone. I think he's more hurt by the loss of his comrades than anyone. But he won't allow himself to really process that hurt, or find any solace by giving in to his grief.

#Levi Ackerman #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin #Furlan Church #Isabel Magnolia #Erwin Smith #Hange Zoe #levi squad

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jayflrt · 1 year ago

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hi im back i swear i could talk ab iland for hours fr ...

smth i wanna talk ab is their friendships on the show and moments that i think ab A LOTTT

- heeseung and jungwon!! i think they grew close very early on esp bc they were in iland together from the start and u could see how sad hee was when jungwon almost got emiminated. like boy was in tears SOBBING when jungwon came back from that dam egg and i felt in that moment u could rlly see how much jungwon meant to him and he couldnt lose him

- JAY AND NIKI like when jay came back to iland and cried that niki didnt make it 😭 they were THAT DUO™️ in the ground stressing out teaching everyone fire. i think they were the perfecr pair to lead bc they both had an insane amount of passion and determination like niki was one of the only ones that understood why jay wanted them to keep practicing and not fall behind bc they both knew how much was on the line. they were also on the same team multiple times which caused them to grow close and the fact that jay was one of the ones who could speak japanese so niki definitely clung onto him and jay would help him out a lot :')

- SUNOO AND JAEBEOM. one of the most purest friendships on the show i swear. they experienced ground and iland together and in the behind cams THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GOSSIPING ALL THE TIME IT WAS SO CUTE. and the fact that sunoo used one of his calls to call jaebeom omg 😭 theyre probably still friends til this day since sunoo cherishes all of his friendships i rlly need them to vlog tgth or smth i miss them sm

- sunoo and taki 😭 when sunoo said he wanted taki as a real little brother I SOBBED. i think another anon talked ab them so i wont get into it much but im so happy theyre still close and we see them interact a lot

- enha 02z omg. iland is where jakehoon rlly took off and it was so endearing to witness their friendship blossom on the show. and jayhoon ☹️☹️☹️ i love every jay duo in enha but jayhoon (and heejay) takes the cake for me. when sunghoon worried more about taking jays place during the dance unit over winning it showed how much their friendship means to him. and when jay says the iconic line "my one and only unit" LIKE THEY ENTERED ILAND TOGETHER AND DEBUTED TOGETHER IT CANT BE MORE PERFECT THAN THAT. and during pt. 2 i loved how in the behind cams we got to see all 3 of them get closer and become the iconic 02z trio we know and love today (im just so happy they all got to debut together it was seriously fate)

- jay and k. so yes, k was really bad on the show and his competitiveness got the best of him. it was sad to watch how he treated other ppl sometimes and i'll say hes grown from it and is in &team now and takes care of the members well. (i watched &audition and his character development was crazy so good for him) but in iland u can tell how much jay really values k as an older brother. jay was one of the older contestants so he probably felt like he had to shoulder a lot and be a leader but when k is around i feel like he got to relax a little more yk? and as we know enha and esp jay dont really have many friends outside of the group (besides sunoo) and im glad theyre still very close til this day.

sorry this was so long u fr opened the floodgates for me skdjs

HELLO !! feel free to 🤝 i love talking about iland (i am hyperfixated)

omg yes there were so many cute friendships that i wish mnet covered more !! :( jungwon and heeseung were so meant to be friends like 🥹🥹 omg in the ghost episode when jungwon slept in heeseung's bed was the first time i realized that he rlly lets himself be a kid around hee 🥰 NO YEAH MY HEART BROKE THAT EPISODE 😭 heeseung's sobbing actually hurt me holy shit i hate mnet for what they put those boys through

omg i felt so sad when jay went up without riki and started crying into k's shoulder 😭 ALSO WHEN JAY DID HIS MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE LOLL i definitely feel like jay jake riki and sunoo (and daniel) grew a lot closer in ground but i was so soft for jayki:') 💘💘 OMG YES SUNOO AND JAEBEOM WERE SO CUTE i just feel like they matched each other's energy so well !! i wish iland showed more interactions because jaebeom clearly had gotten close with more ilanders (sunghoon nominating him for parts, them using sunoo's call to call jaebeom) but i think mnet just focused on the drama + training + a few select friendships

that part where taki was crying on his way to ground and sunoo held his hand and walked him to the building ☹️☹️ they were too cute!!! but yes i remember their pictures together from hanging out n im so happy they're still close 🥰 omg "my one and only unit" changed the trajectory of my life forever like it's been my bio for two years now because of how insane of a hold it has over me 😵‍💫 02z were so so cute :')) part of the reason why i was so sad that ej got eliminated in pt 1 but we got so many cute jaykehoon moments 🥹💖 the entire ghost episode made me ADOREEE them like jake and sunghoon going everywhere together and pranking jay in the bathroom,, then their little dispute "i'll walk you to your room and then we'll walk to mine" "you cant even walk to your room by yourself??" and then jake getting all riled up and saying he could only to run back to sunghoon 😭😭 AND JAY AND JAKE SAYING THEYD SHOWER TOGETHER BC THEY WERE SO SCARED 😭🤚

omg yes jay was so cute around k he let himself be a little brother 🥹🥹 i think he needed that person he could go to and be vulnerable because he tried to put up a strong front a lot of the time and was under so much pressure 🤧 literally cried at the part of him writing all of those letters with his mosquito bitten hands :(( omg yeah i wanna know if enha have more idol friends HAHHA i know heeseung's friends with jeongin, beomgyu, and lim jimin and i know a few members are friends with tnx members OH and shotaro and riki are friends 🥰🥰💖💖

HAHAH no need to apologize i feel insane over iland friendships too 😵

#💌 : love notes #fakeuwus

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arduadastra · 2 years ago

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An unhinged recap of TLOU EP3

Honestly read at your own peril, I cried a lot in this one

*spoilers ahead*

So right off the bat I played TLOU with my partner very soon after it came out, and then again.....and again......(and again) a few more times so I thought I was ready for this. I was ready for grissly asshole bill needing to go find Frank because he's only gone and got himself in some shit and yeah joel and ellie come along I know where a battery is but oh no Frank got bit?! and have a cry but did we get that? No. Do i wish we did? Absolutely not.

But i am kinda bummed we didnt get pedro pascal caught upside down shooting at zombies because of Frank's trap....thats one of my all time favourite scenes

ANYWAY

The whole set up to Bill and who he is, is done so well and with comedy too. It's meant to be ridiculous in a way that someone like bill, a prepper and lets be real we all know one, who 9/10 is called crazy is now the smart one and we see him living his best solo life in his mini town

5. Years pass im thinking huh, that isnt too long, we arent up to present day yet and then i see my boy frank in a hole and im thinking OH YEAHHHH we get some BACKSTORY

6. "there is no girl" "i know" - why did this make me laugh yet cry in the same breath? its so bloody unfair people can grow up without knowing what it is to love and be loved simply because some assholes out there made it 'not the norm' and considering how bill grew up, im sure that didnt help either.

7. "have you done this before?" "no"

8. Young joel in that sunshine? eating with that fork on a fancy plate with pedro's non grey hair and looking clean as frick? this was for the pedro simps and i APPROVE

8.5 MY BOYS JUST WANNA GROW STRAWBERRIES OK

9. the raiders hit, im thinking SHIT here we go, this is when theyre gonna kill frank and joel and ellie will show up and bill will be an asshole and joel will think nothing of it and ill be screaming at my tv and all will be right in the wor- wait what BILL GOT HIT?!

10. oh he's fine

11. Frank isn't though

12. This is where im prepping myself right? I KNEW since i started this episode that he would die, he died in the game and he's gotta die here but im not liking this.

13. Bill stop naming Frank's pills fun names im literally crying

14. Frank: "This is my last day" Me:

15. I dont need to write the speech he made because honestly if i did i'll just cry again and im writing this on my laptop and i really cant afford a new one but you all know that made you cry too

16. THEY. GOT. MARRIED. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! ARE YOU?! BECAUSE THIS SUCCEEDED MAN YOU DID IT - WELL DONE

17. Now here i am, tears streaming down my face when you lose something you cannot replace Frank has drunk the wine, im a puddle and then Bill.....this mother fricker....downs his glass and im thinking wait a miniute here....this isnt what happened in the game

18. "objectively.....that is very romantic"

19. ........ *frank castle voice* wait wait wait wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

20. my ass is in denial right, im like nah ok bill is gonna wake up and that'll be horrifying and heartbreaking because now hes forced to live on without the love of his life and joel and ellie arrive and his door is locked and i knew this aint the way it's gonna be

21. the letter. I need say nothing more.

22. So after ALL THAT, all the sobbing and crying and pact and 'we left a window open' they're just gonna throw at me some joel and ellie bonding in the car? theyre gonna give me the game quotes of 'what you say goes' ????????????????

TLDR: EP3 was beautiful and heartwarming and then soul sucking all at once. While i didnt get my refirdgerator scene i got something so much more and I loved them for that. Now im just hoping ellie found those magasines because best BELIEVE thats another of my all time favourite scenes from the game

#tlou #bill and frank #bill and frank the last of us #the last of us ep 3 #the last of us hbo #the last of us series #joel miller #pedro pascal

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sadistpet · 1 year ago

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(( ok, i saw you post a portrayal meme i think and i just wanted to drop in there for a quick minute and do a thing; I AM SORRY IF THIS MAKES LITTLE SENSE I AM SO SLEEPY

oh my lord, where did you come from? like, you appeared one day and the volgin inside me was like 'AY OOP U WOT' and dont get me wrong i need to get on volgin and let these men make love but shhh enough of that a minnie while i talk some waffle;

firstly, your writing is. MWAH. the goOD CUSH. the best cush even? i've seen you talk of your education and like, in my opinion, it goes beyond that. like, i read your writing and im just- i feel as though i should get a hot cup of cocoa and snug up as if i'm reading a book. you're articulate and your words are beautifully written. im no critic by any means (high school level BAYBEEEE) but i can tell you now that when i read your writing, i'm simply blown away by how incredible it is. you can see the passion in your words, the way you describe things, people, places, etc. it's like seeing someone paint a beautiful picture - but with words! (if that makes sense???)

as for your portrayal; THANK YOU SO MUCH. seriously, thank you for showing us raikov. thank you for giving him more than just 'the pretty boy comic relief lover of big scary man'. you've given him so much more, while staying canon, respecting canon and doing canon justice. i think if kojima saw the way that you write raikov, he would give it his blessing because you truly do such a magical job with the character. i always say to people who are passionate about their characters that i love that, i admire it. it excites me seeing writers clearly in love with what they're writing and i always get that vibe from you. and AND as one side character writer to another, straight up solidarity with you, my friend. keep doing a wonderful job (i know u will).

fINALLY cause i have WAFFLED MASSIVELY, you - are so wonderful. seriously, always supportive, always sweet, always kind. i want to pat your head and show u to everyone like that one will smith meme. you're fab and i am SO so glad that we're moot moots. thank you for being so fabulous, i'd tell you to keep being amazing but i know that you will. <3 ))

OH MY GODDDDDS HAN YOU ARE SO SWEET ( CRUSHES YOU AFFECTIONATELY LIKE WHEN RAIDEN DOES IT WITH A SPINE ) YOU ARE LITERALLY SO SWEET IM THROWING UP SCREAMING CRYING

to answer your question of where i came from i was in fact delivered to this world in a very small little basket with pink bows on it and an atomic bomb in my hands. and i found out about raikov because my beloved showed me mgs2 and he loves raiden ( me too ) and raikov is obviously linked on his page and something about him just made me keep coming back. maybe because i am also blonde haired blue eyed love eating whiny mean and annoying. but something about him i just needed to write. i love love love taking neglected characters and doing a 2000s makeover to make them into an actual Character and he was a perfect candidate !

and then i nailed down this url and i just HAD to make this blog ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAW THAT YOUR BLOG EXISTED. OH MY GOD. i was like no now i need to theres a fucking stellar writer here writing volgin. i need to throw raikov at them with all the strength of a baseball pitcher or whatever theyre called idk baseball terms BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE. part of the reason this blog exists is literally because of yours. SO YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO THANK

YOURE SO SWEET since i developed cfs/me in my mid-late teens ive felt my writing has kinda. gone downhill. so it makes me so happy to hear that people are still enjoying what i'm doing ;o; YOU ARE SO SWEET I AM SO GLAD I DIDNT LET THE AVPD WIN AND STOP ME FROM MAKING THIS BLOG CAUSE AUGH. AUGH. everyone intimidated me so much but youre all so so sweet and nice to me i fucking baheem sob sob THANK U SO MUCH. GRABS YOU

#SCREAMS ALL THE TIME FOREVER. SCREAMS. FROWS UP #SAVE #g: ¦ ❝ ooc. ❞#g: ¦ ❝ answered. ❞

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wherehave-yougone · 1 year ago

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TW!!!!!!!!! Violence and substances mentioned!!!!

THIS IS A VENT POST about something I went through that I've never told anyone before. I thought if i wrote it all out maybe I could work through it a little.

December 31 2022,

Me and my fiance at the time went to a new years party at our friend J's house and I invited one of my childhood friends. Everyone had been drinking and smoking w**d, but no one had gotten as drunk as my fiance.

When the countdown to midnight started we all went outside to light fireworks. My fiance was so drunk he fell off the porch twice, and had to be helped into a chair. He was angry and calling me names at this point, and he said he wanted to go home. We had gotten in some minor fights before where we threw things or pushed each other , I didn't want to escalate to that so I chose to not be in the same vehicle as my fiance.

J drove him while my friend and i followed behind in another car. They got my fiance inside and put him in bed. Everyone had left ( or so i thought).

I went to put a blanket over my fiance.. He got up and charged towards me. I calmed him down a little and he went to the bathroom, but shortly after came running out to charge at me again. He grabbed me by the wrists pushing me in no particular direction. After some struggle I pushed him onto the couch but he still had hold of my arms tightly. I was frozen with shock and fear. I kept repeating "its ok it's ok its ok" in a whisper to try to rationalize what was happening. The only other words i managed to say were "im sorry please I know its my fault" even though I didnt know what i was apologizing for. He kept trying to swing his fists and kick his legs at me for what felt like hours, but was luckily too drunk to really land any hits.

I managed to call J while still being held by my arms and told him I needed help. J responded with " just call the cops and let them take him". I didn't want him to go to jail and ruin his life... Our life. So i called his parents. They said I should "relax it cant be that bad" to which I screamed "come get your son or the cops will". They showed up 30 minutes later (they only live 10 minutes away) and didn't try to stop him at all.

Once I finally got away from him I hid in a gap between the stove and the counter. His parents let him run around trying to find me until he gave up and they got him in their car. I handed my engagement ring to his mom and she pushed it back towards me saying "just wait until tomorrow to make a decision". His parents tried to convince me to get over it multiple times until they left and took him with them.

I don't know if it was from the shock or just needing to get away, but i ran outside to the parking lot. My childhood friend had been in his truck trying to sober up before heading home, and saw me run out. After explaining what happened we went back inside to start cleaning everything that had been broken from the fight.

After putting the lamp back on the broken table with my busted pineapple clock, I fell to the floor and started sobbing. With no energy to move, i laid there in a crumpled ball all night while my friend sat next to me just listening to me cry... 11 years of tears and anger came out that night. All of the things I had held in for so long surfaced and kept pouring out uncontrollably.

Morning finally came, as my phone started ringing. "Why am I at my parents" he said in an angry tone. I explained to him what had happened ... "Bullsh*t that didn't happen, im coming home right now f*ck you dont lie to me". I begged him not to come home yet, i said I was scared and needed time. He stayed away for a week until he decided it had been long enough and once he came home he saw the bruises on my arms. they were so bad i had to wear long sleeves at work for a month.

In that month things escalated. Every time I tried to talk to him I'd end up screaming and manic but I didn't know why. He drank every day even though he promised he would go to AA and get help. He would try to convince me to stay the night with him and every time i did he would be mad I didn't want to have s*x. I just wanted to be held but that "wasn't fair to his needs".

Through all of this my friend was trying to get approved on a trailer for us to live in, and that just pushed my fiance over the edge, but I needed a break and didn't trust any of my other friends anymore to stay with them. After signing the lease my fiance would call me and yell for hours about how I was a wh*re ,and I deserved to d*e ,and how he'd str*ngle my friend and "h*ng him by his dreadlocks". Then he would switch to how he was sorry and that I shouldn't be with someone like him and that I deserved better. He would threaten to k*ll himself multiple times, he took pills so much i had to call his dad to make sure he was ok.

One day he called and said he was going to k*ll himself and sounded serious. I had my friend drive me to him as fast as possible while my fiance was screaming profanity at me over the phone the whole way. As I walked in he put a g*n to his head and said "look at what you've done". I panicked and started hitting his chest to try to get him to stop. Finally he put it down and said " sorry I'm not in my right mind" and convinced me he wouldn't do it if I stayed the night. I agreed (I'm an idiot). We laid in bed cuddling when he tried to convince me to have s*x again and got mad like usual because I didn't want to. He told me i was over reacting and that "its not like he r*ped me" so he didn't understand why i didn't want to have s*x. We ended up fighting the whole night until sunrise.

After that I didn't go back until the weekend was over. Upon entering the apartment I found condoms all over the bed, and some drawing clearly done by a girl on the kitchen table. I called him crying. He had been begging me to come back while he was f*king some other girl. The same days he said I was his soulmate and he loved me, he had another girl on our couch holding my cat, taking my home.

A few more days past and he messaged me saying that he was done. He told me I could keep the engagement ring because "he wanted his first love to always keep it", He said that he found someone and they made him happy. He said just because he's happy doesn't mean he doesn't miss me.. And that maybe other people needed us in their lives more right now.. He told me we could be friends.

August 5th 2023 came and he said that he wanted the engagement ring back and I needed to come get one last box of stuff. The box was full of my childhood pictures and all the love notes I'd written him.. Even the most recent one. I was crushed seeing him in person again. I saw his new girl through the window holding my cat in the apartment I picked out for us... I told him he had been my best friend and that I would always love him but he hurt me, to which he said "you'll get over it". This was not the man i loved for all those years.. This was a stranger. As my friend drove us back I broke down screaming and crying about how much i wanted to d*e. My friend just stayed quiet and let me get it out the whole way home.

Days turned into weeks and I was still crying. I still am and its been 124 days since I last saw him... I don't know if i cry because I miss him or if I cry because the pain he caused wont go away. I know I cry because I lost my cat, my baby. He took him after promising I could have him and I'll never be able to see his orange face ever again... This is what crushes me most, To the point that I've decided to not have children so I never have to be that attached to something or someone again.

Not even a week ago he blocked me on everything just so he could post pictures of his new girl. He hated taking pictures. He never let me post selfies of my own. I haven't made a post on regular social media in a year and I feel pathetic... I feel stupid for still feeling hurt over what he does. He promised to be my best friend no matter what, he broke every other promise so why would he keep this one..

Its been months since that incident and just now people from my friend group are reaching out to me to ask how i am. And to tell me how my ex has ghosted everyone for his new girlfriend. So since they don't have him they think they can be friends with me again. Ha! Yeah f*cking right. No one was there for me except the people i talk to now and I'm not going to let that go. They all had bad things to say about the person i live with now but couldn't be there when i needed help ? go jump off a bridge you f*cks.

No one in my old life cared. I could starve and cut and take dr*gs and they would tell me I needed to lose more weight or needed to take more dr*gs cuz I was too uptight. My ex didn't even care when I lost 40 lbs from not eating. He just told me i was stupid . He threw a hashbrown at me once and said i was ret*rded cuz it was just food and that i shouldn't be crying cuz I wanted to eat it but couldn't make myself.

Some days I see how bad my past was.. Other days im blinded by the good memories and cry because I wonder if I made the right choice. I lost my cat, my fucking baby, over all of this. I lost the person I called my soulmate and my best friend, the person i thought was going to hold my wrinkly hand when im old...the thought of losing that still makes me cry even now... and I lost my hometown because I ran away. But I have gained a lot too since leaving.

I've started dating the person i live with. He was there through it all and showed me just how amazing of a person he is. I always felt a connection but my love for my ex was always too strong to make me think of anyone else. But now I find myself becoming more attached to my new bf. I can be vulnerable. Even if he isn't the best with words or advice, he listens. He doesn't tell me to stop crying, he just holds me until i do. I didn't intend to love someone else so quickly, and i may not be fully healed but that's ok. I am building myself back up with him. And he is very patient. We have our own issues, every relationship does, but I feel like maybe i can get through this trauma a little easier when hes there. I'm afraid to ever be that connected to someone again though... I dont know if I'll ever trust someone the way i did with my ex.. I might never let myself fully love again. And that is my payment for loving someone deeper than the ocean. Guard your heart until you know the person you love will guard it for you. And treat every day like its the last you'll see your loved ones or pets.. Because for me it was. Knowing they're 30 minutes away and I'll never be able to see them again will forever be something i have to live with and work through... But it will hurt me until the day i die.

If you read all of this, i just want to say thank you. You took the time out of your day to read some strangers life story, which shows you care more than anyone in my life currently. You are awesome <3 feel free to message or follow, I follow back <3

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viaalterego · 4 months ago

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tw- graphic and disturbing descriptions violence. you have been warned

this was not how Techno imagined his Friday night going. finding his brothers halfway through the window, hands and faces stained with blood.

there was no shouting. no talking even. just silent acceptance as the two walked passed Techno and straight to the bedrooms. probably to get changed, Technos mind supplied. while the room was dark and their clothes were black, Techno didn't doubt that there were stains left behind form their activities.

Techno had always known something was going on. surprisingly, i stated with Tommy.

it wasn't that Tommy never lied. no no no. it was that Tommy was a terrible liar. his tells were easy to figure out if you looked long enough. he might as well had "GUILTY" written in bright red on his forehead whenever was trying to hide what he had done. he'd pick at his nailbeds til they bled, he'd look anywhere but your eyes, the way he constantly was shifting from foot to foot as if he was looking for a way to escape.

at first, Techno was suspicious. so far everything seemed fine with Tommy. his grades were alright. he hadn't gotten into any fights. he had sassed a teacher to the point he was sent to the office. so why was he so easily spooked whenever he saw him or Wilbur?

his answer? "um- some kid at my school- he, uh. he's dead. Passed away on Tuesday i guess."

murdered was more like it. found in an alley a few blocks away from the school. the lady who owned the doughnut shop found him when she threw out the trash.

Techno felt sick. He didnt question it afterwards. he comforted his brother and went on with his life. thankful that it wasn't Tommy.

he was still jittery though as the weeks went on. techno couldnt blame him. his classmate was stabbed 27 times and dumped behind a dumpster. and worst part? he wasnt the only one.

more reports showed up. more kids. all around Tommys age. from Tommys school. four kids in total, if you included the first one.

then it was a teacher.

thats when Tommy broke down. Wilbur called the school and Tommy stayed at home. in bed all day. Techno was never good with emotions, sent Wilbur to console his brother. Techno waited behind the closed door, listening to his brother's fearful sobs. Praying to whatever god may be out there that his brother. their Tommy wouldn't be next.

there werent any more reports for the next month.

then two. then three.

Then Wilbur was next.

now wilbur... he wasnt just good at lying, per se. he knew how to distract. misdirect a conversation. but most of all, it was his knowledge. studying whoever he considered the enemy an knowing what to say and how to say the very thing that makes his opponent stumble and stutter. it came in handy with high school politics, or predicting election results.

wilbur was crafty. so when Techno ask about what he and Tommy talked about that night. "why dont you ask him?" was his response, knowing full well that his brother used him as a scapegoat.

the next murder occurred. another teacher. different school. then another. a custodian. same school as the first. and a third. some lady on the school board. same district for both schools.

when he asked about what he thought about strange Tommy's behavior after the deaths. "grief is hard, whether you knew them or not. I'm sure there was some philosophy about death, isn't their Techno? i wouldnt know. do you? you are the one who studied literature-"

it was never a straight answer,

not even when specific pieces of clothing went missing. when mysterious stains that Tommy claimed to be ketchup couldnt come out of Tommys t-shirts. or the sudden appearance of a black duffle bag hidden in the back of Wilburs closet

Regardless, Techno knew his brothers well enough that they would come to him in case of any problems.

at least, the thought he did.

so thats where he finds himself now, on what was supposed to be a normal Friday night. mind reeling, as had he walked over to the couch and sat down. all the pieces snapping into place forming a picture Techno could ignore.

he could thinking about one thing...

"now what?"

Techno looked up.

Tommy was in the doorway. his face and hands clean from earlier (the was still something though... it was still underneath his fingernails) his hair is still a little damp from showering and is becoming a golden poof on his head.

he looked... fine. as if he hadn't killed God knows who tonight (thought he'd probably find out in the morning news though) Tommy looked completely unphased. refreshed even.

how had Tommy been living like this for the past seven months?

Technos eyes lingered on his brother. distantly he could hear the shower turning on, probably Wil washing up. but as he staired in to his brothers eyes. the ones that once held guilt, fear and shame. the ones that were now free from all that...

"what now, Techno"

-\0~0/-

okay... im stopping here.

i never intended on writing a full-on snippet but oh well. i had fun with tho. too much really.

its almost midnight... aughhh and i told myself id go to bed early tonight. bruhhhh.

credit to Sircantus for the prompt

Au where crimeboys are serial killers and Techno is their older sibling who finds out and has a choice to make: turn them in (lose them) or join them (lose yourself)

#current mood #fanfiction #ao3 #writing #technoblade #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #snippet #one shot #dont ask me how i did...#it jsut happened.#i need sleep now.#bye.#i dont want t hear any complaints as to how graphic or gorey it was #there was a warning. dont say i didnt warn yall

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cryingweepingboohoo · 1 year ago

Text

sad late in life lesbian (not really, i came out at 23 but god i feel old)

I fucking hate that i spent a decade repressing what i knew for an entire decade prior. I fucking hate that i allowed myself to give into comphet, into the fear i had of being gay. I wish i could say that i know where it came from but im not sure. about a thousand things, probably, from the relentless bullying, sexual abuse, casual homophobia and oversexualization, watching shit like boys dont cry WAY to young as my first introduction into any form of queerness, down to attending way to much fucking church and youth group.

Fuck

i wish i could have embrased my identity with clarity and assuredness like i did as a young child.

I remember, being a little girl and chasing boys around with my friends, except i only kept chasing because it meant i got to watch out for my female friends. It meant any possibility that when the boys got tired of chasing, my friends would wrap their arms around my shoulders and fall back into the grass laughing at the fun we just had, as you do when your young.

I recall the first time i EVER came out. It was the summer between 3rd and 4th grade. I had spent the day riding bikes with my best friend, fighting the lump at the back of my throat, waiting for us to take a break in the empty driveway of the houses on the construction site we liked to ride our bikes in.

She took off her helmet, and her white blonde hair blew out, shining in the sunlight. And.I.FUCKING.LOST.IT. I sobbed, snotty and gross. I asked her if i could tell her something really serious. She said yes because of course she did.

I confessed to her that when i went to the store, i looked at womens butts when they walked past me. I told her i liked girls. She looked confused, asked what i mean because i always wanted to hang out with the neighbor boy. I told her that i fellt like i had to like boys because i was supposed to.

i felt so uncomfortable, exposed. FUCK i thought i was going to go to hell (this was made worse by ragung undiagnosed OCD), I was convinced that any moment now, god was going to strike me down, that a hole to hell was going to open up and swallow me whole.

she said "Oh Okay" and asked if we could ride our bikes some more. We never talked about it ever again but it was all i could think about every time i saw her.

every time i went to our neighbor boys house to hang out. I knew he had a crush on me. It was obvious(not to sound too narcisistic there, dude let me and his sister put his hair in pigtails and let me pick whatever i wanted for movies when i stayed the night at his house, so like typical kid crush things). He and his buddies were playing basketball, and i was awful at sports but i really wanted the other boys to see me, to recognize me, to let me in. And i played awfully, and the neighbor boy, at the ripe age of idfk 9? grabbed me by the hips and physically showed me how to throw the basketball, like they do in the movies. It was so small but that moment told me everyhing.

You are not one of the boys, you are not like them, god was right, you were designed for men, it would be a sin to ever tell anyone else that you were gay. (again, the leaps made here are the fault of many things, primarily the undiagnosed OCD)

Fuck this is so much rambling. what i mean by all of this is that i feel like i robbed myself of ever growing into myself fully as a butch.

#ii

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grippingbeskar · 3 years ago

Text

a welcomed distraction

obi-wan kenobi x fem!reader

word count: 9.8k (i have no idea how)

warnings: ADULT CONTENT MINORS DNI (oral f receiving, mxf intercourse, general sexual content) mentions of death, reader has deceased family so mentions of dead parents/siblings only briefly

a/n: sorry this is fucking LONG i dont even know why because there is hardly a plot but i tried. sorry but reader calls him master kenobi so thats hot? it’s fluff throughout tho bc CMONNNN ITS KENOBI HES SWEET AS. can’t believe the show is ending tomorrow i am so sad. manifest another season! okay bye!!

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

“You came all this way for me?” You smile at your former classmate turned Jedi council member, and he is just as gorgeous as you remember him. “I’m honoured.”

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Obi-Wan Kenobi bows slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. It was protocol, now that you had taken your rightful place on the throne of your home planet, but with the history you shared with the man in front of you, you quickly brushed off the gesture and came towards him. Pulling him into you, your arms wrapped around his significantly large frame. The last time you saw him, he was a scrawny padawan training under Qui-Gon, and had that ridiculous braid down his face, but seeing him now, you hadn’t realised how much you actually liked it.

“You certainly have. You changed your hair.” You pull away from him and he smiles at you, attempting to hide the slight redness that flushes across his face.

“Yes, well the council had that effect on me.” You link your arm through his as you lead him through the palace, your dress gliding smoothly across the marbled tile. “This palace is incredible. I take you finally redecorated?”

“You should of seen it when I started. Total shit show.” Obi-Wan’s laugh fills the room, and you try to slow the racing of your heart at the fact that he remembers so much about you, even if it was years ago.

You grew up in the Jedi academy together, your parents wanting you to hone your skills, and having no clue where else to send you as no one else in your family was Force-sensitive. You and Obi-Wan were fast friends, and it was with him that you spent most of your formative years. In fact, when you think of your time there, there is very little memory that isn’t filled with laughs and smiles caused by the Jedi knight. You used to talk about everything together, your future, and most relevantly how you would tear down the castle your parents built and start it fresh if you were ever given the chance to lead your home planet.

That seemed like a lifetime ago, and you never would have thought those ideas would be realised. You had two older sibling in line for the throne, so you thought your life would be similar to Obi-Wan’s now, him dreaming of sitting on the very council chair he now holds, you wanting to one day have your own padawan, and train them how your Master trained you. When your families home was attacked, however, you were the only surviving member of the royal household, and you were immediately thrust into the political turmoil of ruling a planet, and forced to leave your Jedi days behind you.

You remember where you were when you found out that your family had passed, and that you would be crowned Queen in the coming week, tasked with the impossible of bringing your planet together in the face of tragedy. Obi-Wan held you while you sobbed, tucked away in the furthest parts of his quarters in the temple while he whispered soothing promises that he would never be able to keep. You believed them anyways, but you were just children. Neither of you could hold the other to those things - not now.

It was enough for you, though, to have him here now. To remember what he meant to you, how you spent your years together, and that even if you could only have him in flashes, it was still the most real thing you ever felt.

“I never doubted you would succeed. You know I read every entry that came in about you in the Archives?”

“Really?” You knew Obi-Wan could feel your Force energy as it spun wildly throughout the room. You were out of practise and he was a council member, but he did an incredible job of hiding his reaction. Or ignored it.

“Of course. Even now, when I know you don’t need me checking up on you, I still feel like I am with you, like when we were young.” You both walked through the archway and the doors softly shut behind you. You had led him through to your private chambers to discuss whatever it was he had come here to talk about. In truth, as soon as you had heard it was him coming, everything else flew out the window, so you were completely clueless as to the official business.

“I’m the same. Did you get my holo-message? When you made the council?” Obi-Wan smiled warmly, and you knew the answer before he spoke.

“Yes - I was meaning to reply, everything has just been-”

“Crazy? I get it, don’t worry.” He just nods, and you hear him exhale. It had always been like this, both of you easily slipping back into the familiarity of each other, so when he didn’t respond to your message over a month ago, you knew it was just because he hasn’t had the chance to take a breath.

“I never thought it would be like this. The council always seemed so put together - I have no idea how they hid it so well.”

“It was the same when I came back home. My parents hid the stress so well, I thought it would be a breeze.” You still hadn’t unlinked arms as you both took a seat on the couch, only sliding away slightly so you could rest your back on the arm rest. You were surprised Obi-Wan didn’t pull away, he was always so shy when it came to physical affection. Maybe the years that had passed between you both had mellowed him. Either way, you were grateful for the small contact.

“Well, you have been handling things incredibly since you ascended. Thats actually why I am here.”

“Oh, right. Offical council business. I am all ears, Master Kenobi.” He laughs again, and his smile is still a little bit crooked when he laughs. You remember it being so when you were young. You remembered everything about his face.

“Yes. I am very offical now.” You laugh with him, and he seems to lose focus for a second as your laughter dies down, waiting for him to speak. “Right. The council wants you to come to Coruscant, for the national senate.”

“In person? Like, to sit in?” He nods encouragingly, but it doesn't seem to calm your sudden nerves.

“I know how it sounds - and don’t worry, I already told them about your preference to not speak to crowds.” You still feel a little sick, but that is replaced with warmth in your stomach when Obi-Wan’s hand rests on your lower thigh and squeezes lightly. “It would just be to the council and a few of the national board members. They are impressed with your diplomatic discrepancy, and want to see if it has potential to be implemented into the senate debates.”

“I feel sick even thinking about speaking in front of the council. Do you remember that time we broke the amulet - the one Dooku leant Qui-Gon? We had to explain it to Master Yoda, and I swear if you hadn’t spoken for me I would have passed out.”

“But I am the council now! It would just be me, and a few other people. I’d be there the whole time. They are truely impressed with you, they just want to hear more of what you have to say.” You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. You knew it was ridiculous - a Queen, leading a planet full of people, terrified to speak in front of a crowd. It had been something you had always struggled with, and even still today you avoided it as much as possible.

“I am flattered - truly! You know the councils opinion of me means the world, but I-”

“I know you can do this. Look around you! Look at what you have created. This planet was at a breaking point when you took leadership, in the face of tragedy. Your own tragedy, in fact, but now it is thriving! Your economy has been stable for its longest period yet, exports and imports have nearly tripled in your short reign, and even major crimes have diminished. Your people are happy, your planet is safe - your leadership skills could help millions more.” He spoke with such passion and truth, you almost forgot he was talking about you.

“You really have been keeping tabs on me.” You breath and he shrugs, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Like I said the night you left - I will always be your biggest supporter. Even light years away, I would be there for you.”

“I missed you, Obi.” His hand was still resting on your lower thigh, and your skin had become inexplicably hot under his touch.

“I missed you too. More than you know.” The room felt smaller than before, and it was then that you could feel him in the room. He was in front of you, but he was also all around you, like he was surrounding you in everything that was here. You hadn’t used the Force in a long time, and you almost forgot how overwhelming it was when you leaned into it, but you couldn't help it when it came to Obi-Wan. You would do just about anything he asked - which is why you were already feeling nervous about this speech you would be inevitably making.

“When is this hypothetical senate meeting, anyway?” Obi-Wan beamed at you, relishing in your defeated sigh.

“The next national senate is in three weeks, so just before that. You’ll do great, I know you will.” You don’t know how you pulled yourself away from him, probably the simmering nerves threatening to spill over, but you got up off the couch and walked over to the table where you left out your favourite wine, and poured two glasses.

“I suppose it would be bad taste to let my old friend fail one of his first solo missions as a council member.” He laughed as he reached the table, taking the glass, and his fingertips brushed your own as he did so. Everything he did shot sparks up your spine, but the way he was touching you without hesitation was so unlike the timid Kenobi you remembered. It was the only thing that had changed about him - well that and the hair.

“I appreciate the sentiment.” He took a sip of the wine, and coughed as he drank down the liquid. “You still have a taste for strong liquor, I take it?”

“What’s the point of drinking if it’s weak?” He shook his head, but took another sip. “Enough business talk. Tell me what you’ve been up to, apart from keeping tabs on me, apparently.”

“Oh, that is about all I do. My council meetings do tend to revolve around you, as does the rest of the world. That is how you used to see it, am I correct?” You nearly spit out your drink. Sarcastic Kenobi was one of your favourites.

“At least being on the council didn’t squash out your sense of humour. I was worried you would turn into one of them.”

“One of them? Did you expect me to turn into a little green man?” Now you do spit out your drink when you burst out laughing, and he joins you.

“You know what I mean! We always used to talk about how serious they were. You were a lot more of a rule follower back then, though. They thought I was the bad influence.”

“You were! That amulet was your fault, I stand by that.” You start shaking your head and finish the glass in your hand, the wine going straight to your head.

“Bullshit it was! You wanted to look at it!”

“Only because you told me it was cool! I was trying to impress you.” The confession seems to even catch him by surprise a little, but he recovers quickly by finishing his own glass.

“Well, I couldn’t have been half bad. I did graduate top of my class, didn’t I?” He rolls his eyes, a smirk forming on his gorgeous face. Oh Maker - you really did have a taste for strong wine.

“You will never let that go, will you?”

“Nope! I still remember how angry you were when I beat you.”

“Yes, because I spent all my time quizzing you when I should have been studying.” He grumbles a little, clearly still holding a grudge. Your cheeks go pink at the memory, because you think of what actually happened that night before the final exam, which was what set you apart when you graduated.

“I don’t seem to remember a whole lot of work getting done.” You can’t look at him when you say it. Maybe he forgot - it was years ago now. You certainly never forgot, but the way he brought up that night so casually made you think he hadn’t dwelled on it like you had.

“I - no, I suppose not.” So, he does remember. You don’t know what senario would have been more daunting. “You were always smarter than me anyways.”

“True.” He laughs and you beam back at him. “But you were always stronger. And more focused. I tended to get a little... distracted.” Now you were really testing his memory.

Obi-Wan shifts on his feet, and for a second you think you might have made him uncomfortable with the memory.

That night meant a lot to you - and it had been something you had always thought about. Even throughout all the years apart, that night before the final test, both of you huddled on Obi-Wan’s bed sharing the same textbook, you had never forgotten how it made you feel.

You were so nervous - you remember it because its how you feel now, with Obi-Wan slowly making his way around the table to come towards you. It wasn’t just the big test, though. You had feelings for him, of course you did, you still do. He was your best friend, pretty much your only friend, and he was the kindest, most loyal person you had ever met. You swallowed those feelings, however, because you were both going to be Jedi’s.

If only you had known.

You remember how close you were, because Obi-Wan is almost that close now. You could hear him breathing in the same, uneven pattern you hear now, although now it is significantly lower. You were both holding the textbook on the bed, reading opposite pages and making up little quizzes and questions to test each others knowledge...

* * * flashback * * *

“I am going to fail. I know it - with the Force in me I know it. I can see it now. My first premonition: a giant F on my stupid paper.”

“Don’t be dramatic. If anything, I’m going to fail. I know nothing about the history of Coruscant. Nothing!” He groans and shuts the book, shoving it off the bed, his hands coming up to cover his face.

“Now who’s being dramatic.” You dropped your head on his shoulder, and he froze up. You knew any kind of physical touch would distract him enough to make him forget about the test, at least for a moment. He would pass with flying colours, you knew he would. He’s the smartest person you know.

“I -I never can just - this is everything to me. And to you, of course. I just -” You lift your head from his shoulder and take his hands in your own. You see him physically tense up when you interlock your fingers in his.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi. You will pass this test. You will be the best Jedi there ever was, and you will be completely and totally fine. I promise.” You let your gaze drop to your hands, laying on your lap as you had turned to face him. His knuckles were nearly white with how tight he was holding your hand, and you were grateful you were looking down because you were blushing furiously.

“I would never have made it this far without you, you know.” You let out a breath - he would have succeeded in any senario. “I mean it. All these years, you helped me so much. I don’t know how to thank you.”

You look up and find his eyes, wide and vulnerable.

“You don’t have to thank me. You did the same for me. You know that. What are friends for?” His eyebrows raise and his mouth opens just slightly, before he regains composure and lets go of your hand.

“What are friends for.” He repeats and nods, like he’s trying to remember the sentence.

“Obi? Are you okay?” He just nods again. You can feel the shift in his energy, and you know that he is lying. “Hey, you are going to crush this test, okay?”

“Yeah.” He breathes and goes to pick up the book. You reach out a tentative hand and stop him, fingertips brushing the bare skin of his wrist. He freezes.

“Maybe we should stop reading for a bit. Meditate or something, distract ourselves.” Your hand stays on his wrist as he turns towards you. Both of you sit cross legged on the bed opposite each other, knees touching, You keep your hand on his wrist and he keeps his arm outstretched so you can touch him, letting it come to rest on your ankle.

“Distract ourselves.” He says, and his voice cracks.

“Yeah. I’m sure we can think of something to do other than study. I can count on one hand how many times we have actually gotten work done, anyways.” You catch his smile in the corner of your eye, and your hand is still on his.

“Maybe that’s why I know I’m going to fail.” He says defeatedly, and you shake your head, bringing one of your hands to the side of his face. His eyes go wide, and you snake your finger underneath the braid that hangs on his cheekbone.

“You are not going to fail.” He sucks in a breath.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. You know me, am I going to fail?” The question surprises him, and he creases his eyebrow, seemingly relaxing under your touch. Finally.

“Of course not. You could pass in your sleep.” You smile and he mirrors it. You feel the evidence under your palm.

“See? We are practically Jedi already.” You don’t know why, or what about this interaction makes you bold, but you lean in just slightly. His breath brushes against your cheek.

“I’m - I am-” He lets out a shakey breath, and you nod your head. His hands comes up to your face, holding you close.

“I know. Just - we need a distraction, right? To focus.” He nods, convincing himself and you.

“Right. To focus. Then we can be Jedi’s. After we...” You were pretty sure you weren’t moving, or breathing, or doing anything but blinking at him. You feel him all over the room, his energy a live wire wrapping around your chest. Everything about his Force was new and exciting, it was skipping around in spite of how still both of you were. You are sure yours was the same - speeding around him at the same rate that your heart was beating out of your chest.

“Obi-Wan, I-” Your eyes were still open when he pressed his lips to your own, but as soon as you realised what was happening you squeezed them shut and kissed him back.

He was warm. You don’t think you were cold, but Maker he was so warm. Your free hand pulled him closer by his robes and he eagerly leaned into you, lips moving faster and more urgently the more time passed.

You were both completely inexperienced, and you don’t know how technically good you were, but it felt so good being this close to him. Being close to him in a way that you had longed for all this time, a way you never thought was possible. You could feel the heat swirling low in your stomach, and Obi-Wans hands dropped from your face and fell to your hips as if sensing what you needed. He moved backwards on the bed, leaning against the wall and pulled you towards him, urging you to follow. You shuffled forwards not letting your lips leave his, afraid that if you stopped for even a second one of you would realise how very wrong this was, and would come to your senses.

Maker, you had never wanted to be wrong so much in your whole damn life. You moved up and straddled him, his hands tight against your hips holding you to him. Your back arched as one travelled up your spine, pressing your chests together. You were both breathing hard; catching tiny breaths between kisses. When you let out the smallest of sounds, something between a whimper and a whine, Obi-Wan’s mouth opened on pure instinct.

When his tongue slid into your mouth you returned the gesture with a grateful moan, both of you letting your hands glide where ever you felt. One of your own found his hair and you tugged on it. Something about his hair always made you want to feel it under your fingertips; when he would come late to training and it would still be all messed up from sleep, or when he got caught in the rain that one time, and showed up at your room with his braid all out of place, asking you to fix it for him. You had always wanted to feel it in your fingertips as you kissed him, and he leaned into it, returning your desperate noises with his own. Hands found skin under your shirt and you let him touch you wherever he pleased, silently begging for him everywhere.

Your hips moved against him, and neither of you were prepared for how good it would feel to have each other so close. For the first time since he grabbed you your lips disconnected, only to say the others name in bliss before finding him again. You pulled his bottom lip between your teeth and he moaned, eyes fluttering open to find yours, pupils blown out in lust.

“Sweetheart.” Obi-Wan says, and you feel your entire body shudder. His hand grips the back of your neck and pulls you impossibly closer. You were trying to keep your head on straight but when his tongue slips into your mouth again, you melt into his lap and take whatever he gives you.

Both of your hips were rolling out of sync, Obi-Wan shifting uncomfortably in his spot to get any kind of relief. You could feel how hard he was underneath you, and you wanted him to lay down - to move so you could feel it more.

If either of you did move, though, this would become more. Something you couldn’t excuse. The thought hit both of you at the same time, because you pull away and Obi-Wan leans his head back on the wall, tucking your head into the crook of his neck. You were both desperate for air, but more than that you were trying to calm yourselves down.

“We-” You started and he groaned.

“I know. Shit.” His hand ran down the back of your head, smoothing out your hair.

“Shit is right.” He lets out a breathless laugh, not letting go of your hip.

You don’t remember how long you stayed there, tucked away in his lap, but time clearly passed in a second as you woke up alone, in your own bed, and only just made the final exam with five minutes to spare.

Obi-Wan came down three minutes after you, and you both passed with flying colours, you beating Obi-Wan by one point, a multiple choice question about the history of Coruscant.

* * * flashback ends * * *

Obi-Wan moves around the table and now stands in front of you. You don’t know if he picked up on your little clue, or how much of your energy he can read clearly. Everything seems fuzzy to you now that he had reached you, and the wine was making your brain short circuit.

“You always had an affinity for distracting me.” You breathed a laugh as best you could. “I nearly missed the final exam that day, you know.”

“So did I! I don’t even know how I ended up in my room that night.” He tilts his head.

“You fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake you, so I carried you back.”

“You never told me that.” He just shrugs, like he didn’t risk everything, being kicked out of the academy for a simple gesture. If anyone had caught him, it would have been almost impossible to lie their way out of that. “You could have been caught. You should have woken me up.”

“You looked... peaceful.” He closes is eyes for a second, remembering. A period of silence passes, neither of you wanting to disrupt the fragile glass of a moment.

“Such a gentleman.” He laughs and takes the empty glass from your hand and places it on the table. He takes a step toward you.

“I should have come and found you sooner. After your families funeral and your coronation, they stationed me off-world, but I should of-”

“Stop, Obi. Of course you were busy, being a Jedi knight and all that. It’s what you dreamt of - what we dreamt of. For years.”

“I know, but I should of-”

“You know I was also running a planet. Kind of a full time gig.” You both laugh and he relaxes, shoulders slumping forward slightly.

“Yes, so I’ve heard.” You roll your eyes, and he smiles. “But I never stopped thinking about you. About that night.”

“I-” He steps forward and you nearly step back, completely surprised by his boldness. “Are you drunk, Obi-Wan?”

“No!” He scoffs and stays where he is, almost looking offended. “Well, maybe a little.”

You giggle in response as you stare up at him. He was taller than you now, and where before he stood at your height, now his breath only just brushes your forehead, towering over in front of you.

“I never stopped thinking about it either.” He stops smiling, eyes widening a bit. It is so like that first time on his bed, and it sends a wave of heat through you to remember him like that.

“You never brought it up again. I thought I had crossed a line.” He whispers, and you would miss the words if you weren’t staring at his mouth.

“No, God, everything was just so crazy after that day. It was only a few days after we graduated that..” Obi-Wan was nodding, knowing you were speaking of when you found out your family passed.

“Of course. It was-”

“A lot.” Obi-Wan breaths a laugh at your casual response.

“That is one way of putting it.” He concludes. You think back to when you found out your family had died. They were never particularly loving, and most of your childhood had been spent with the man in front of you, so trying to mourn them while also never really knowing them was all too consuming.

You were more distraught about the future you wouldn’t have - you had never planned to be a queen. You wanted to be a Jedi, to fight, or teach, just do something good in this world, and to do so with Obi-Wan by your side. It was like your life was pulled out from under you, and you only had about a day to process it before you were whisked back to your home planet to lead.

“You really lived the dream, though. Best Jedi in the galaxy, so I hear.” He drops your gaze, but stays close enough you can hear him smiling.

“Something like that, I suppose.”

“I always had imagined what it would have been like, if all this-” you look around at the highly decorated private quarters. Blue and gold streams through the tinted windows, lighting up the marbled floor. “-hadn’t happened.”

“I have no doubt I would still be second best.”

“Such a charmer, Master Kenobi. What happened to that shy little kid who used to hide whenever it was time to practise hand-to-hand?” He looks up at you, eyes ablaze with a look you can’t quite pick.

“I have changed, like you said.” Your breath caught in your throat as his tone lowered. You almost forgot how close your faces were. “I had thought about it too. What it would have been like if you had stayed.”

“Really?” He nods, holding your eyes. “So in your wildest dreams, you are only second best?”

“Maker, you are impossible.” He smiles through the sentence.

“I really did miss you, though. For a long time I thought about running away, coming to find you and Jedi-ing it up across the galaxy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, all the time. Of course now, I am grateful for what I have, but I think we would have been awesome. Maybe a little reckless, though.”

“You? Surely not.” His eyebrows raise and you push him lightly on the shoulder. “I don’t think we would have made the council, though, like we used to talk about.”

“No?” He shakes his head.

“I think we may have gotten a little too... distracted.” Your eyes widen, and you have to blink a couple times. Is he... “If you had stayed.”

“But I didn’t.”

“You couldn’t.” He’s right. You would have stayed, if you had been given a choice. Stayed with him.

“Right.” You suck in a deep breath and try to blink away the fuzzy feeling in your head. You felt like you were spinning, and then everything went blank as Obi-Wan reached out and interlocked your hands.

His palms were rougher than you remembered, battle hardened you were sure. His hands were bigger, too, matching his larger frame. He still held you just as tight, knuckles going white as he pulled you toward him. He made no move to kiss you, but instead held you there, mere inches from pressing your bodies together.

“I almost forgot why I came here today. The flight over I had to re-read the message from the council.” You said nothing, just gripped his hand back with the same silent desperation. “Not once have I been unprepared for a mission, or gotten on a ship without knowing exactly what I plan to do. As soon as I saw it was your name, I just got on the ship and came to you.”

“I had no idea why you were here. I just told them that if you ever came, to let you in. No questions.” It was the reason he was able to come to your families funeral, and the coronation days after. It was pretty much the first change you made as Queen - the heightened security after the attack made it impossible for anyone to see you, but you couldn’t run the risk of him being turned away.

“See what I mean? Distracting...” His eyes drift down to your interlocked hands.

“Hmm. How am I supposed to get through this speech, then?” His eyes drift slowly up your body, roaming freely. You felt too hot - his gaze was burning into your flesh through your dress.

“You could always practise.” He finally pulls his eyes off the tiny straps of your dress, and looks at you.

“With you?”

“I am the council, after all.” His hand lets go of yours, only for his fingertips to drag upwards slowly, skimming the soft skin of the inside of your palm, up to your wrist.

“I- I don’t even know what I would say.” His hand stilled.

“I’ve never known you to be speechless. Try it now.” You huff a frustrated breath.

“Kenobi. This - what are we doing?” His fingertips are still touching your wrist when he pulls his eyes back to yours. You see them flick across your face, searching for some kind of sign of resentment or hostility. He would find none.

��You only call me that when your upset with me. Do you want me to stop?” You drop your head back and look up to the roof. Your eyes focus on the sparkling chandelier, twinkling your broken reflection back at you.

“I’m not upset. This just- it’s just not fair. I know that we can’t - better than anyone I know that we can’t. Well, you can’t.”

“We aren’t. I would never do anything to betray your trust.”

“Obi, that’s not what I meant.” You soften your tone. “I can’t handle having only half of you. You - my whole world has revolved around you for what feels like centuries. I could hardly stand watching you from a distance, because I know that- that what I want is not possible.” Your breath was shaking. You never imagined when he walked through the doors to the palace you would be laying yourself out like this - or maybe you knew yourself better than you thought. You did leave out your strongest wine.

“You can have as much of me as you would like.” He says lowly. It makes you realise that you aren’t kids anymore, and that maybe he doesn’t follow all the rules like he used to. Your heart jumps in your throat.

“You are on the Jedi council, Obi-Wan.”

“I know. I know.” He says, swallowing hard. “This isn’t something I take lightly. I know what it would mean. I would never have come if I didn’t.”

“You could lose everything you worked for.”

“I could.” And then Obi-Wan shrugs. At the idea of losing everything he cared about, he just shrugs. “I have met… people. New people, who have shown me that these kinds of things - there can be something like that in my life. If I choose it. After I made a decision, I took the first ship I could find and came to you.”

“I-“

“It helps if you don’t think about it too hard. I learnt many lessons from you, but not thinking is one that took me the longest.” He smiles, and your head hovers just in front of his chin.

Both of his hands rest on your hips and you step into him, his scent filling your senses. Vanilla.

“Do you remember that night, when we were sneaking around after training? We wanted to get those textbooks from the restricted section, and you were too scared to sneak past the Archivist?”

“Hey! I was- To be fair she was highly intimidating.”

“She was like a thousand years old.”

“With a very big cane!” You laughed and Obi-Wans hands held you tighter on your hips. “What about it?”

“This feels like that. We spent weeks trying to hide those books in our rooms, do you remember when Master Yoda came to speak to us, and-”

“Oh Maker, please do not bring that up right now. I am still embarrassed.” You laugh against him, and let your head fall into the crook of his neck. You take a second to breath him in. You don’t know how many times you have imagined this moment, where he finally comes to you.

“This was so much easier when we were kids.” You mumble into his robes, and one of his hands comes up to the back of your head, smoothing your hair down.

“I think it’s easier now.” Your eyebrows screw together, and he must feel it because he laughs. How could it be easier now? At least when you were kids you didn’t have any real responsibilities. Now, you had an entire planet on your shoulders, and he... “At least the council don’t have a cane.”

“And you said I was impossible!” His hands come up to your face.

“Come here.” He whispers, coaxing you closer. You leaned into him with little effort, and let your eyes flutter shut in anticipation. “You don’t know how many times I have dreamed of you.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea.” Your eyes were still closed, and you had no idea how close he was. His lips brushed against your nose as he lowered his head towards you, and you found yourself pushing up on your toes to hurry him.

“You think so?” You nod, feeling his lips against your cheek and his hot breath on the shell of your ear. “You are sure this is what you want? We can wait.”

“I have waited long enough.” Your eyes open and he smiles down at you, and finally, after years between, his lips finally reconnect with your own.

He moves slowly, teasing as he holds you in place with strong hands. You push up higher on your toes but he refuses to give you an inch of room, taking control and spinning you to the left so that your lower back is pressed up against the edge of the table.

He kisses you harder when he feels your hands in his hair, pulling and tugging in a desperate attempt to keep him here. A surprised sound is lost in his mouth when his hands drop to the back of your thighs, lifting you in the air before gently placing you on top of the table. You hear the breaking of glass next to you, and both of your heads slowly turn to the floor, where your broken wine glass lays shattered at his feet. He keeps kissing you as you look down, but his urgency makes you completely forget about the mess.

You wrap your legs around his back and force his body against yours, earning a groan from the back of his throat. His hands come down on your knees and slowly massage their way higher, bringing up the soft silk of your dress with their movement.

As he exposes more of your skin, his lips fall from your own and attach to your neck. You let out a moan at his teeth biting softly at the sensitive skin, and you feel him smile against you and then do it again.

“You’ve be- shit- been practising.” You tug at his hair again and he hums against your skin, the vibrations making your hips buck slightly.

“Only in my dreams.” The confession sends your mind blank, and you pull his hair back, attaching your lips back to his own. One of his hands holds your neck, the other coming to your lower back, letting you move your hips as much as you want. You can feel his hard length against your exposed core, the faint excuse for underwear under this dress hiding none of your arousal. You know he can feel it too, because he stutters out a few strangled moans every time you roll against him.

“Feels - good. Oh, shit it feels so good. I need you to-” You babble out as your legs lock tighter around him, and he pulls away. You pout, feeling like a child and reach out to grab his robes and pull him back to you.

“So impatient.” He smiles and kisses you again in a long, slow motion, enough to satiate you both so he can get a sentence out.

“And you are so good at being with-holding right now?” You try to focus on what he’s saying, but you can’t tear your eyes away from his lips, and how much you want them back. Want them in other places, too.

“You are right. If this dress wasn’t so pretty, I may have torn it off.” He tugs at the fabric of your dress, pulling it a little higher. The look in his eyes is purely hunger, and it makes your words get lost in your throat.

“I have a thousand dresses, you can-”

“Ah, but this one might be my favourite.” You shake your head and he presses a sweet kiss to your forehead. “Sit still for me.”

He drops to his knees in front of you, and the first thing you think of is how much you wish you could capture this moment forever. The way he looks, hair all over the place, robes pulled out in all directions; it is so unlike how put together you have seen him. Especially in any of the council addresses you have watched, which is all of them. He is always so proper and formal, but it took about twenty seconds with you to unravel all that composure, and it has you squeezing your legs together, searching for relief.

His hands run up along the exposed skin of your legs, fingertips just brushing the hem of your panties before coming back down to your knees. He was tall enough so that you could still see his face clearly if you leaned back, but you didn’t want to miss a damn second of the sight in front of you.

“You are still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.”

“Obi, please don’t tease me.” He looks up at you and presses a kiss to the top of your knee before urging your legs open with his hands, gently spreading you open.

“Are you going to pout every time you don’t get your way?” He presses sweet kisses up the inside of your thighs, taking his time to touch every sliver of skin available. “Always. So. Impatient.”

He hums each time he finds an unexplored stretch of skin, and occasionally gives into the temptation to softly bite and suck, leaving a row of marks no one but him will see.

“You’re an ass.” Your hands thread in his hair and he hums against your skin. Pushing your dress up higher over your hips, he slides you forward, edging you closer to the end of the table.

“You are so beautiful.” His hot words making you shiver, and you see the half lidded look in his eyes shoots awake when he sees your underwear. Thin, black lace hiding nothing from his intense gaze. It makes you, for just a second, want to hide from him, but then you remember who it is, and you let him take his time. His fingers tentatively hook over the thin fabric, and he seems to just stare for a second, enjoying the sight of his hands against your skin. “So beautiful.”

He drags the underwear down painfully slow, and you wriggle on the table to get him to move faster, but he doesn’t. He is meticulous, and you can see his eyes flicking to each of your legs, wanting to watch like he was unwrapping a present.

“Is this how you usually start offical council meetings, then?” He looks up at you, a half grin on his face and kisses your upper thigh. You can see a few of the marks he has left from this angle, and it makes your heart skip.

“Yes. The council is very close.” You start laughing, hands holding him tighter to stay upright.

“Going to be a busy few weeks for me then.” He bites a little harder on your thigh, and you let out a squeak. “Sorry, Master Kenobi.”

“Maker, it sounds so good when you say it.” He is so close to your centre you can feel your legs start to shake in anticipation. Your hands begin to gently tug and massage the roots you have tangled your fingers in, and he groans.

“You like it when I call you that?” He nods, leaning his face against the soft skin of your inner thigh. “I’ll call you that all day if you-“

“If I what?” You squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment, but his hand taps your back, making them open on instinct. “You want me to taste you?”

“Yes, Master Kenobi.” He moans and his tongue finally dips into your pussy, soft and gentle. You cry out, and it is clear that he was holding back, because as soon as he hears your desperate sounds, he hooks both of his arms under your legs and throws them over his shoulders.

He holds you to him as his tongue laps at you, the sounds of your arousal hidden under both of your groans of approval. He was far too good at reading your body, knowing exactly where you need him without having to say anything but praise. He takes your clit into his mouth and sucks, and everything goes white.

The rough grip you have in his hair is the only thing keeping your body upright, and you can only hope he would tell you if you were hurting him because you need to see the sight before you. He occasionally looks up to you to watch you, and a small smile appears on his face every time he catches your eyes. One of his hands somehow snaked between your legs, because you feel his finger curl inside of you, setting a slow, delicious pace that has you panting.

“I love it when you call me that.” He murmurs, and then takes your clit back into his mouth, sucking and kissing until you aren’t sure if you are still on the table, or floating in the air.

“Oh fuck, Master.” He slows his finger inside of you and his mouth turns to kissing any skin except where you need him the most. “You’re so good. Please, I can’t-“

He slides two fingers back inside of you, and his mouth returns to your throbbing clit, and your hips roll into him on impulse. He was surrounded by you, legs still clamped around his head and shoulders, and his other arm was gripping across your lower back, ensuring you were close enough.

“Taste so sweet.” He says into you, and you can feel the years of built up tension simmering low in your stomach.

“Mmmfuck- please, please don’t stop - shit.” He groans into your pussy, and flicks his tongue right where you are most sensitive, making you whimper his name through gritted teeth. You were getting close, which is why you couldn’t hold back your groan when he pulled away again.

“Where’s your bedroom?” He leans his cheek leaning against your thigh, mouth still burning kisses into your skin like he can’t pull himself away. Both of his hands were now grabbing at the bare flesh of your ass, massaging and coaxing you to the point where you were almost completely off the table.

“Just come up here-”

“No. We can’t do this here.” He presses one more kiss, lower down on your leg before unwrapping your legs from his head. His hands drag slowly along the skin, and he lets his eyes wander around the sight in front of him. You liked seeing him like this, unabashed and staring like he had all the time in the world. Because he does.

“You don’t want to fuck me on this table, Master Kenobi?” He stands and lets out a long, loud groan, all of the air in his lungs brushing against your chest as he tucks his head into your neck.

“I want to have you on every elaborately decorated piece of furniture in this room. I want you to be like you were ten seconds ago, begging me not to stop.” Your legs almost start to shake just at his words, and you can feel how close you were to finishing on his mouth when your hips jerk against him, making a mess of his robes.

“Why don’t you, then?” You want him to. You would ignore every royal duty just to meet his every need. His strong arms wrap you against him and lift you into the air, and your arms wrap tightly around his neck as you squeal in surprise.

“Because when I take you for the first time, I want it to be the only thing you can think about when you go to sleep, because you are all I think about.” He spins around and walks further into the room. “Bedroom?”

“Through there. First door on the left.” You don’t fight him on that, pointing towards the smaller hallway and he kisses you sweetly while he walks. You can’t help but smile when he walks straight past the room you pointed out. “Missed it.”

“Hm?” He pulls away from you, eyes still half closed and looks around, quickly correcting course. “See? Distracting.”

You laugh as he bursts through the door, revealing your room. He’s still kissing you, eyes squeezed shut when he walks into your bed, so when he gently lets you go and you fall back onto the soft covers, you get to see his reaction as he looks around the room.

It is not as elaborate as the rest of the castle. When you were designing it, you wanted it to be a place you could check out of all the royal mess outside, and be at peace. You have even mediated a couple of times, not that you were very good at it nowadays. You designed it around the time you felt most comfortable, a place where you always felt safe.

“This looks like our rooms. From the academy.” He looms over you, taking in the grey metallic walls with wide windows, light stuttered by the cascading blinds. You shrugged shyly at him.

“I didn’t want my room to be the same as the castle. I guess I was a bit nostalgic when I designed this part.”

“I like it.” He says, still not looking at you. Your dress had fallen back into place, covering your legs, and you were growing impatient. You began to drag the fabric up, shimming on the bed.

As Obi-Wan had his back turned, examining the few things you kept on your desk, you took the entire dress off, leaving you completely naked on the bed, and Obi-Wan completely clueless.

“I kept my desk in the same place.” He observed, running a hand over the plain wood.

“Call it a coincidence.”

“Oh, I’m sure it-” He turns back to you and loses track of his words. It all happens so fast, but in the next second Obi-Wan is on top of you, kissing your mouth, your neck, down to your collarbone. Once he reaches a part of your skin he knows will be hidden, he starts the same slow, meticulous pace of biting and dragging his tongue, exploring.

His mouth starts to go lower, and your breathing quickens as his lips ghost along your stomach. He looks up at you, and you realise he’s still wearing clothes.

“I want to see you.” You whine, and he crawls back up your body, kissing a trail of heat back to you.

“Here I am.” You roll your eyes.

“More.” You tug at his robes, the various layers getting tangled and caught in your hold. He straddles you and sits back, eyes roaming your body as he begins the process of undressing. He had you boxed in so you couldn’t hurry him along, but you sort of enjoyed watching him.

He undid ties and fabric, each layer revealing more of his muscled torso. He finally reaches the final layer, pulling the shirt over his head with one hand. Your hands run along the exposed skin, and its your turn to drink in the sight of him. You try your best to memorise every scar and ridge on his abdomen, but you are impatient, and can’t stray your eyes back to his chest when he begins to pull his trousers down. He leans back down before you get a good look, but feeling him naked against you is almost better than seeing it.

“Is this okay?” He says breathless from the effort of holding himself back. You kiss him in response, shifting your hips to allow easy access, but he doesn’t move. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Yes. This is very much okay. Like, the most okay thing in the world right now.” He smiles and kisses you again, one of his hands traveling down the curve of your hips while the other comes up to your face, cupping your cheek. “Are you sure this is what you want? What I said before, I didn’t mean it like-”

“This is all I want. All I have wanted since that night in my room.” His face is hard - serious. You’ve only seen him like this in training, almost determined to make you believe it. The hand that travelled down your side cups your ass and moves your hips to lay flat on the bed. “I haven’t ever done this before. I - I don’t know how well I-”

“Anything you do is perfect. Perfect. Please.” You can still see some of the unsure nerves flitting in his eyes, and your mind drifts back to earlier, to what gave him that extra confidence boost. “Please, Master Kenobi.”

His teeth graze against your bottom lip and he slides into you, the room suddenly alive with both of your desperate gasps of relief.

“Oh, fucking Maker.” He groans into your mouth, before sliding out of you completely, and then back in. The process is blissful torture, and you feel every perfect inch of him inside you, hitting something that makes you see stars through the plain tiling of your roof. It wasn’t that he was larger than anyone you had been with before, but it’s just because it was him. He felt so perfect inside you, like he was made just for you, and even with his confessed inexperience his slow and controlled pace has you reeling.

“You feel so good- ohmygod- please go faster I-” You can hear him moaning something low under his breath but with the added stimulation of one of the rough pads of his finger on your clit, you don’t have the capacity to try and listen. You just continue to babble out plea’s and cries, the build up from his mouth before hitting you like a speeder.

“Faster, sweetheart?” You nod and squeeze your eyes shut. The hand on your face drops to hold himself up beside your face, hand finding yours and interlocking your fingers. “Like this?”

He starts to go faster, not slamming into you but just enough to build you up brick by brick. It’s mind numbing, the pleasure drawn out, every time he drove into you he was seemingly exploring a new part of you. He was kissing your collarbone, switching between each side, leaving wet kisses in his path, kissing your mouth each time he switched sides.

You couldn’t speak anymore, his relentless thrusts getting harder every time you moaned out his name into the room. Your back arched into his chest, and you could feel the flex of his abs against you.

“Baby, I’m - you feel divine I can’t -“He all but bites down on your shoulder and you try to move your hips to meet him, encouraging silently.

“Don’t stop! Please, please, pl-lease -oh fuck!” He went faster, the sound of skin on skin echoing. You were burning up underneath him, everything inside of you zapping into place for your inevitable crash. You were a shaking mess, and he was ruining you in the best way, every relentless snap of his hips had you begging for more, even though you weren’t sure how much more you could comprehend.

“I’m gonna- sweetheart” His voice cracked and you forced yourself to open your eyes.

“Cum inside me, please. I want you to-” You sounded more desperate than you wanted to admit, but from the broken sound that came from Obi-Wan, you would say it over and over again. His hips stuttered only for a second, and he came with the sound of your name on his tongue.

With the way his hand was working you, and the incredible sounds he was making in your mouth you followed him into his orgasm, the blood rushing to every nerve ending and blanketing over your entire body.

Everything went blank and you were almost positive you passed out, the feeling of pillow soft lips kissing up and down the front of your throat bringing you back to your body.

“Obi-Wan.” You managed and he was back to your lips in a blink, drinking you in like he still hadn’t had enough of you. You hadn’t had enough of him, either, and you returned his force with as much energy as you could summon. He had fucked you tired, though, because you could hardly pick yourself up.

“So beautiful.” He laid down next to you, clearly just as exhausted. You turned and watched as his eyes closed, and he wrapped an arm around you, bringing you closer to lay your head on his chest. Your hand comes up beside your face, tracing aimless lines along the multiple scars on his chest, and you sit in silence, trying to regain control of your mind enough to speak full sentences.

“Can you stay?” You whispered up at him when you felt his breathing even under your chin. He shuffles down on the bed, pulling back the covers enough so you can both easily slide underneath them.

“I’m afraid you will never get rid of me now.” He pulls you back to him, bringing your leg to rest over his abdomen, how he knows you like to sleep.

“Good. Council’s never getting you back now.” He laughs and kisses the top of your head, making you blush at the intimate gesture. “It wasn’t a coincidence. The room, I mean.”

“No?”

“I just really liked yours. It was always cleaner than mine, and it was warmer. I guess I thought it would bring me back to those days if I had a bit of it here.” Your wrapped your arm further around him, practically bear hugging him.

“Well, it is warm. Definitely not clean, though.” Your head shoots up at him.

“Hey! Not like I was expecting handsome strangers to whisk me to bed every time a council member asks to meet with me. You can clean it for me later, since you were so good at it.” You expect him to retort, but he just smiles.

“Handsome?” Your eyes nearly roll out of your head, but after what just happened, your more than happy to feed his ego.

“Very handsome. Bit of a light weight, but is a great fu-”

“Okay, that is quite enough.” He laughs and covers your mouth. You squirm away from his hold to continue the assault of profane compliments, but he easily holds you down. It turns you on a little more than you can admit, but you store the information for later considering the worn out look on Obi-Wan’s face.

“You know, when we get up in the morning, I’m going to have to explain to my staff who you are.” You say as you tuck the blankets up under your chin, nuzzling your face into his neck.

“And what will you tell them?”

“What should I tell them?” You feel his chest rise and fall and little uneven.

“A- I guess telling them a Jedi would only confuse them more. And me.”

“We can figure it out tomorrow.” He just nods, shifting himself under the covers.

“Hmm.” You feel the sound melt into the top of your head as he presses another kiss to your hair. “There is an explanation that would comply with both our interests.”

“And that is?”

“After a long night of negotiation, I was finally able to convince you to accept the contract of building a Jedi training academy on your home planet. One that I would personally oversee, hence the need for overnight accomodation.” You shoot up out of bed, bringing the sheet up only to cover the bare minimum of your chest.

“You what?” He smiles and leans up on his forearm.

“That was another reason I was here. They know your expertise exceeds your diplomacy - and they still talk about how much of a loss it was, when you left. The council wants you to come back, in a sense.” You think you were about to cry. “It was my suggestion, my first when I made council, to consider the construction of the Jedi academy here. It is just as safe as Coruscant, and with you as a ruler, the Force is just as strong. It would be a chance for you to live the life you dreamed of, while also adhering to your duties.”

You were crying. Definitely crying. Obi-Wan sat up and wiped a tear from your face, his brows pressed together in worry.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, I-”

“Upset me? This is the most incredible thing I... Maker, why didn’t you tell me earlier!?” He blinks a few times, and goes to speak but you cut him off, excitement taking over your need for sleep. “Of course I want to do that! It’s - that would be - wow, there’s so much I would need to do! I am so out of practise, I hardly even meditate anymore. Oh, and the council would need to-”

Obi-Wan kisses you, probably to shut you up, but you can feel him smiling underneath your lips.

“Why didn’t you say something?” You whisper to him, and a small blush appears across his face in the dim light of the room.

“I was distracted.” His eyes drop to where the sheet hangs loosely across your chest, and you breath a laugh. “Would you - the council sent me here to assess. See if I would be open to teaching here, if you would be, us, together. In the future, they even spoke of a Padawan-”

“I- I can’t believe this. I- all I ever wanted was to do this. You know that, right? My dream was to train, to work with the council, fight for what was right, and to share that with others.”

“I know. That is why I suggested you, not that they needed much convincing. You were the golden child.” You laugh tearily. The idea of getting to have that life back, while also being able to grow everything you have worked for since returning home. You let your weight fall into Obi-Wan, and he tucks you back into the bed, soft covers gliding along your skin.

“There’s so much we need to talk about.” You mumble, eye closed, already half asleep.

“We can figure it out tomorrow.” He repeats to you, and his breathing begins to even out behind you.

Everything you had ever dreamt of had practically come true, and it was fitting that it had all started with Obi-Wan Kenobi. He had been the source of almost every single happy memory in your life, and beginning this new chapter with him by your side, you knew that he would be responsible for the rest of them, too.

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