#i dont know what to put tbh so whatever
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about ready
#pokemon#swsh#gym leader raihan#ft. flygon#had a vivid vision of this pose the other day and had to draw it. thats all thank you#I think after flygon's first appearance in anipoke whenever it comes up again the artists just go ''fuck it whatever''#and draw the legs however they want. it's basically a dinosaur in pmd#this is good for me bc I dont know shit abt fuck#flygon poses really well for how kinda awkward it looks on its own... but I also think abt like#duraludon being in the carwash. practically all the time its all I think about tbh#rest assured.#mim's infected me with the goggles vision I see raihan now I immediately wanna put a goggles on that man#they arent wrong tho. is the thing#is flygon an insect or a reptile.... the tail suggest something like a dragonfly but the neck doesnt seem to have#the shell structure that'd let it bend. thats at least skin#well. flygon is shapes. thats what it is. I enjoy it#I should sleep now... so many things happened today#I really gotta prep the fish tomorrow. dang. so many things on the list for tomorrow too...#have a good night lads. achieve flight
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when people say they hate any of the mob psycho girls i get sad because thats like. half of the female cast. thats just way too much percentage of girl hate
#saw emi hater on tiktok. how do you even hate her what did she DO#i mean i understand just hating a character for no reason but they went out of their way to… ANNOUNCE that they thought having her—#as a fav baffled them. or something#ITS BEEN A SECOND SINCE IVE SEEN THE POST AND IT JUST PUT ME OFF SO BAD#and in the comments they were like ‘mezato was my other choice [nerd]’#and i mean i can KINDA see why Mezato can be unlikeable?? like shes kinda pushy and may not respect boundaries well but like#Mogami tortured a little boy. and yet EMI being someone’s favorite character is a laughable offense. OKAY#no offense to them. im not being a hater the post just gave me the strangest most off-putting aura#AND IM NOT SAYING ANY OF THE GIRLS HAVE TO BE YOUR FAVORITE#obviously#but like…… why are you clowning on people having Emi as a fav and saying you hate her…#i know its just a joke [nerd] yeah whatever. TOICHIRO BEAT UP HIS OWN SON#i dont think im being soft or anything tbh#people when TEENAGE GIRL… dear god…#i like emi….. i so get her… everyone’s a hater#mob psycho 100#mp100#ok end post. stupid
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..ive really just reached a point where i dont even really care about uploading fics anymore huh
#i have a couple i could put up somewhere but i legit just dont care lmao#maybe later. idk#it just doesnt feel worth it anymore tbh. i just share them now with the one person that matters and thats it#and nobody has asked where fic uploads are so. im just going to assume nobody misses my shit lmao#whatever i'll maybe brain something up at some point who knows. what difference does it make#im gonna have dinner now and then finally play ff15 tho so. dont expect uploads tonight. unless you really want them for some reason idk#whatever byeee#night is an absolute mess on main
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tbh all alive Wolf Witchers are just as ‘bad’ just in different ways and loudness-levels
#drawing chibi letho aka just putting a wholeass closet down#the witcher#possession au#kiyan#geralt#how does kiyan know lambert? easy-Aiden#when you colour one thing and then pause it to sketch something related to it for an extra post#but thats for later because now...its 2am....as per usual#ye olden wolf witchers 'you must be a neutral emotionless monster slayer'#Geralt Roger Eric du Haute-Bellegarde about to ignore all of that#i would have added something about him slaying monsters of the human kind as well#but my brain didnt come up with any good short words/sentences for that and also space issues#also me sketching geralt with his hair down-who is this man#i dont know what happened he just turned out that way#the lighting doesnt help him here either#babygirlifying him#i didnt check any refs for letho btw so idk if that height works or not#or the clothes tbh#same w/ gaetan but i remembered his lil red boots#idc if its a graphic glitch or not he is lil red riding boots now or whatever clever wording some may come up#I however will go fuck off and sleep now-nighty and have a good one~#art#zkretchy
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thinking about law school and im so excited to be back in an academic environment
#mine#im applying for 2025 fall sessions !!!!!#i dont think ill get into any of the best schools or the ones i want tbh but wherever i go im ready to study again#also to have a part time job instead of full time#“dont work in your first year of law school its overwhelming blah blah blah” have u considered im poor#my electricity bill went up 300% this month and i couldnt even afford to buy pads#they had to put me on a month union fee waiver too#companies are so mf greedy#whatever happens even tho ill be overwhelmed there is no future for me in which i am not working#i took a month off in between jobs and this is the thing i regret the most in my life#it was so expensive#and i didnt even do well on the lsat tho i studied everyday so it was basically a waste#“oh but you got to rest” no i didnt actually i was stressed af everyday and not getting any money#whats worse is my new job ive been working a month almost and still i wont get paid until mid november#im pinching pennies at this point#in debt bc of pads#now thats $14 i already didnt have but have even less#didnt realize my life would be a living example of why capitalism is bad#like i hear all these stories#didnt know that would be me#even tho ive struggled a lot in my life#but living on my own ive never done financially well#also was born in poverty which is great#my family had some money as i grew up tho so i experienced some comforts#i think im a weird person#rant in the tags
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I'm sorry I can't watch the new trigun and I never will. it looks so ugly. the vibe is no where near the same and it takes away 90% of the charm of the original and makes it into something totally different. I feel like theyre giving it the sports anime treatment where they're banking on twinkification selling lots. like a yaoi head trap.
#tbh i hate yaoi culture#i think were not allowed to have nuanced conversations about it without being called like misogynists or whatever#and i think thats lame 🤷#anyways the new one gives it a different vibe simply bc of the art style and tone#ive never read the manga so i cant compare it but#idk the twinkification is wild to me#it made it unattractive to me#i like the masculine wild wild west vibe it had#i look up to the old vash#the new vash just looks like some ugly twink#it feels like it was made to target the yaoi obsessed fandom#so they could sell a bunch of merch#it honestly feels like one of the most heartless remakes to a classic ever#i have nostalgia reasons for not watching the new one too#which are more prominent than this#but if they didnt change soooo much of the vibe of it#which is literally the best part of the original#then i mightve considered it#but its literally just too ugly#im not a 14yro girl the new designs dont entice me#and dont say “thats not why they did iy”#its marketing#thats exactly why they did it#they know what audience to target#to revamp the trigun hype#whilst not having to put in a whole ton of effort#all they have to do is make them look more twinky and yall will lose ur entire shit for it#anyways i know all of this bc all of the yaoi heads are obsessed with zazie#when no one previously cared about him#they only do now bc they made him have a more shota-esque design..... tell me that's not intentional
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inside me there are two wolves. one says "you should OCify muriel before she gets introduced so that you can explore the themes you personally would want to see, before you get distracted by canon". the other says "that sounds like a stupid idea and a surefire way to get disappointed by canon"
#i think the 2nd one is winning out tbh#if she turns out similar to the way i want her to itll be vinchester arc 2.0#if she doesnt ill also be disappointed LOL#closes my eyes i do not see i do not think ill just enjoy whatever canon has to give#no but...but..... i want to know if muriel traumatised tesilid in some way...#if during the pandora dungeon when he asked if ailette was 'false hope'... its bc he genuinely hoped that muriel might save him#when in snow queen his internal monologue was like 'is ailette yet another trick from the strict order'#chewing at my cage bars do you see the vision !!!!!!!!#i feel like i wouldnt care if she was a white lotus or a genuinely good girl lol id love her as long as she put tesilid through the wringer#listen... if she knew from the start that tesilid was doomed. that would be so interesting#OG muriel and OG ephael could shake hands#morally grey characters who are forced to act out their script for the greater good... do you see the vision#ephael's is especially fun tho bc hes not rly a person whom youd expect to put much stock into the greater good#staring very loudly at muriel i cant wait to see what she'll bring to the table#actually i dont think morally grey is the right word. maybe just mostly good people forced to do great evil#because of their ridiculously strong moral compass that allows them to push through w it
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getting into bob ross again cause of jet set radio. the pipeline is real.
#jetsetradio.live#bob ross#jet set radio live#jet set radio#jet set radio future#jsr#jsrf#jsrl#sega#shoutout the channel 7 on jetsetradio.live tv#shoutout jetsetradio.live tbh#getting me back into listening to music#i havent listened to new music in so long i feel like im losing a part of myself#but with this website its kinda making me remember that theres no rush and i can do it at my own pace#cause really i was holding myself back cause i felt like i had to do all these arbitrary things i dont feel like explaining rn#and with work it felt like i had no time to just sit down and really enjoy it all the way through#but i have so many songs that i want to listen to and its ok to just listen without too much thought#and i can listen to what i want when i want and im still learning more about what that means since i started ''listening to music'' ~8y ago#which is really as far as id say i started trying to seek out music instead of listening to whatever was put on in the car#or when i would flip through the channels of/listen to the cds my parents had bought on the radio/cd player we had#the stations were mostly very scratchy for reasons im not educated enough to know#but when you find that one channel that plays the music cleanly its so magical#miss that thing so much#this is really a trojan horse post#lolz#goombs big day in#secret goomb thot#😱
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ik ive not been active at all anyways sort of explanation/me complaining in tags
#i have gotten progressively worse lately in terms of physical health and its just taken a lot out of me tbh#over the past few months ive developed chronic pain and fatigue drs still arent sure if its fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue but whatev#in any case ive been in tremendous pain everywhere it's not been fun at all#i also have this new thing where i get a tremor if i hold things too hard and while it is relatively painless it still is making life harde#esp since i am an art student so im kind of stuck not rly knowing what to do atp#ive just not been in the best mindset and while i recognise that disability is not ugly in any way i do just feel harder to love now#like i dont think my personality is fun enough to make up for all this idk if that makes any real sense#ive also been temporarily put on birth control its a long story but it's only until i get scheduled for a minor surgery most probably#but yanno birth control has unfun side effects and i feel like im going crazy most days#ik this all probably sounds pretty silly but idk. its been hard to feel genuinely attractive lately.#forgot to add this but there was some other stuff that happened thats definitely effecting just my self image and libido and stuff lately#long story short someone i trusted ended up crossing multiple physical boundaries and passed uncomfortable comments abt me and similar shit#its not been fun to deal with in any way yk?
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Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!
#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting!#and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective#bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers#so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting !#but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me'#and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT#like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what#like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything#and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up#i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis#so maybe its just not worth it ?#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means#what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory#but idk if i can trust anyone else either#i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe#what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me#which i dint love tbh#personal
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just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|
#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates#we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home#to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily.#i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing#*petcare#and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not#we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen#i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started#but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt#idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk#but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh#i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it#wasn't even really attainable but. shit.#i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not.#but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner#in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin#what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad.#but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month#i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway.#it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not.#he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate#for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she#didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got#myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways#at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to#help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really.#god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell.#but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.
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OBSESSED HONESTLY
#i forgot to post this yesterday but IN LOVE TBH#can you tell much like spotify i really only used it around the beginning of the year#and then only a couple of albums and songs here and there after that#but honestly i used youtube music specifically last night and it kinda slayed#like its good for what it is if that makes sense#im so upset that a wrapped wasnt sent out to my school account#(im guessing due to it being a school account and like administration restricting stuff and whatever)#but like literally the only thing i do on it is listen to music#BUT WHATEVER#they recognize that im a tribute to drama love amped up tempos and JUN and that what matters#but yeah if youtube music stays how it is now (or ya know just doesnt change what i like about it) i think ill try and use it more next yea#:3#sstartalkss#addition: something that im noticing is that performances arent counted as that artist but as the channel it was posted on which is honestl#heartbreaking because performances are probably how i tend to listen to music the most (if im not putting it on only as background noise)#but its not that big of a deal#i mean biggest plus about youtube music is that it actually has video game osts and songs that dont get put on other streaming services#so slay ya know
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if you take someones outdoor cat i will break into your house and steal all of your cats, hope this helps! xoxo❤️💋😘
#idrc how you feel about outdoor cats.#in many ways- who gave you the authority to decide what happens to someone else's cat?#dont talk about the environment and endangering birds bc theres plenty of other shit that does that and yall dont hammer nearly as hard on#those things#i dont think its a good idea but its also not my place to decide for people- its my job to inform them#bc tbh idk but it uh. seems a lil more fucked up to just STRAIGHT UP STEAL SOMEONES FUCKING CAT. instead of maybe idk#at the very least in form them about your fucking concerns.#some of yalls only goal is to feel edgy and cool and stealing shit is the only way you know how to do it#and so you're gonna justify it and tell yourself you're doing it for all these Good Political Reasons when really you just want an excuse#to steal shit let alone something that matters deeply to someone.#hope you feel good. hope you feel like you won. that misinformed family thinks their cat was abducted by those creepy christians who#kill black cats on halloween and shit but its probably fine bc at least you get to tell yourself you're doing praxis#misinformed* as in. they dont know its wrong to not put your cats outside. like MOST people.#as in: your average american#and yes i have every right to be upset about this attitude since someone kidnapped my outdoor cat. idk what reason they did it#but whatever reason aside from thinking its a stray is dumb. if the cats not actively being abused who tf are you to step in and decide#whats right for ppl you could have otherwise just fucking talked to.#imagine i tell my 11 year old kid its ok to go to the playground 2-3 blocks down and he can walk there. you walk up to him and go#'omg this poor child all alone you must be an orphan!' or 'how dare your parents mistreat you by abandoning you outside here and letting#you think its safe to go out!'#and then you just straight up kidnap my kid. like. you dont know the situation thats going on at my home. maybe i shouldnt have let him go#alone but hes older and walks home from school aloneperfectly fine and its like 2 blocks away so i can go there whenever i need to#sure its a bit different with a cat but still like. you're essentially stealing someones family member bc you decided you have the#authority to step in and go 'actually im going to raise you now bc i dont AGREE with the way they raise you'#and while theres abuse cases where thats warranted i dont feel like having the general idea and belief that it is and should be safe enough#outside for my child to go to the playground w/o me if its 2-3 bloack away- i dont feel like having that as a general belief means that im#abusive or that ppl who think that are abusive.
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aughhhhh i wish i had books 2 read i wanna read books so bad rn 🤓 <- i look like this. 2 pictures of me 👇
#IM SO CRAZYYYY its whatever. im half done with listening 2 ersatz elevator .. 7 more left.. ill prolly finish ersatz elevator tmrw innit. n#Probably i will finish vile village as well and potentially get started on . its hostile hospital after vile village roght.... i feel so#fakee im sry 9 year old me#bc let me think with my head im almost positive carnivorous carnival is the 10th. YES IT IS bc theyre on the mountain from. oh lord no wait#its all so evil let me check. bc theres 7 left#ok my prediction is. 7. vile village 8. hostile hospital 9. carnivorous carnival? might be switched with prev 10. slippery slope#11 grim grotto 12 penultimate peril 13 the end.#im pretty much positive on the last 3. now i check and kamille screams at me in my head Sorry girl.#> me being entirely fucking right im literally like god if he was autistic and haunted#sooo let me do some math rqq... the last few books r likee 4 hours each i think. and i work 8 hours a day 5 days a week...#ive done the math and its sort of dire it appears ill probably finish either thursday or early friday. what on earth will i listen to after#that.... sigh. oh well... + tbh i dont just wanna do audiobooks even tho im excited for the last half of asoue bc i dont rememberit as much#well. clearly i do idk if you recall but i just named the last 7 books in perfect order. but anyways. im excited but also Lorddd i forgot#that i love irl real life readingg 😭😭#i might say fuck it and read the 3rd miss peregrines on internet archive. miserable .. i want to have it irl but you know.#n then i can go ahead n put the last 3 books on hold Rn so i can read those next week#AND ill put 2001 on hold too bc im sososososo excited abt it :]]]]
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Ok well maybe part of the reason I was feeling so fem the other day was becuz living at home means I get misgendered 1000000x more than usual which makes feeling masculine very difficult too. The truth of the matter stands that I'm still kind of a fruit about it tho so who can really say.
#gender is tough becuz its such an act you put on that i have trouble recognizing my own when ppl are too loud abt what they want me to be.#or something i dont rlly know. im a transsexual but i dont rlly understand it myself tbh#anyway my new binder arrived and now im like 'hmmmmm how can i become the worlds most bland loser man ever' so we're back on that ig#dysphoria is weird!!!!! sometimes it does this!!!!!! i dont knowwww its rough out here!!!!!!#dysphoria will have you think things like 'ill never be a real man. this must mean that i was never trans in the first place!'#ik i think its stupid too#uhhhhhhhhh my point still stands that i want to appreciate 'girly' things too tho. both can be true. i want to be a bland man but i can be#bland AND fashionable. i can be boring in a skirt or dress. WHATEVER
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ughhhh
#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock#and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice#and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style#what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the#same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train#and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad#and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh#whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me#and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it#when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs#this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control#and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early#its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great#probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock#okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries#.vent#byeee
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