#i dont know if ill ever finish it but ya know! writing is fun when i have the energy for it

[sweetronancer]

"Robin wanted so badly to just talk to Nancy, ask her about herself and get to know her properly. Learn her story and let it become her favorite book ever. A book that she could reread front to back, over and over again and she would never get tired of it."

that sounds gay, go me!!! no but does this sound gay enough.. i hope it does belhalksdj :(

[localgardenweed]

Ok I was originally gonna write how I wanna go back to Eddsworld and do stuff for it again but felt out of the loop with the modern fandom and shit but ended up being a rant about how I hate Beyond so like gonna write this again but keeping part of the rant cause i need to share how much i cant stand Beyond again

So like I wanna come back to Eddsworld cause as much as it was a dumpster fire for me it was my first real fandom I was apart of online so it holds a place in my heart. I mean probably technically whatever I did on Framecast was my first ever online fandom space but shhhh that dont count i was but a wondering traveler looking for my place in the world. It actually got me into Eddsworld someone made a animation to Youth by Daughter and had me hooked. But still was very important to me and my art development.

Its so crazy to me cause i was into Eddsworld HARD in the 2016-2020 era where alot of the ig modern fandom was born i watched cities fall and crumble I was deep in the amino trenches, Pork Sodaing and seeing so much historical fandom events happen before your eyes. I was watching everyone consume every piece of Prince of Mints and Moho art I was a sucker for them which probably wasn’t okay for like a 5th grader but i definitely turned out all right /j.

I left for a little bit on and off cause Hetalia was choking me and like keeping me prisoner but like it still had a place in my heart for it but like ya know i still was there but idk now I just dont find the same spark anymore from the first go around. Something changed and maybe cause i just had my tastes change and maybe cause my ex-best friend was making fun of my oc all the time but i made him when i was like 11 and figuring out identities and ways to express yourself without sticking to the gender norms and dealing with alot of stuff at the time i finally caved and just didn’t feel the same any anymore about the show.

Cause I loved that fandom more than anything but, I don’t know I just don’t know how to get back that spark and go frolic in the fields with my TomTordOc love triangle of my 5th grader dreams and just be cringe and free and feel joy again but I just cant enjoy the material anymore like THEY ARE MASSACRING MY BOYS WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEMM

It doesn’t hit the same and i know i dont need to consume Beyond i doubt anyone actually does at this point but i cant stand beside while they murder everything i loved about the Classic and Legacy eras.

Also just, I think I hit a road block with it too like, I got stuck on where to do and what to do with Eddsworld like. I make aus i made ocs i made a ask blog i made animatics, now what? And like idk i felt weird and like stuck in the mud with them. Also just had the friend falling out who was also the co-creator of the ask blog so now i dont know how to pick it back up all by myself again but them again i really was just doing it by myself all the time anyway so i just have to figure out how to get back into the swing of things

I have some ideas for aus and maybe just finally be free and bring my oc back from the grave for realsies and make you all consume it but, I don’t know. Im scared to come back cause also weirdly alot of the new fans are younger than me or the older fans are older than me so its kinda awkward, also im just awkward im scared to talk to people online, there is and were some people i desperately wanted to be friends with both in and out of Eddsworld but im too scared and either just watch from afar or abuse the Anonymous function in ask boxes. 

If i cave enough i might come back to Eddsworld to at least finish my lore for the ask blog cause IM SORRY I LEFT YALL HANGING I HAD SCHOOL AND THEN JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT but forever haunted by the people who like every single post and then i get excited cause i see like 99+ notes waiting for me and i think one of my new posts blew up but no its just the ew boys who screw around likes and reblog and the occasional comment

One day ill return to my rightful birthplace and one day I shall be free and one with nature and draw as much as I want for it and as many ocs i want without someone telling me its cringe or make more for the ask blog or hell start doing animation and animatics again

Ok here is the Beyond rant now if you wanna read it

I feel the difference between Beyond and Legacy is that, Beyond is trying to horriblycopy their older brothers Classic and Legacy and almost dumb it down a bit with more childish humor, and Legacy takes inspiration from Classic: It’s different but a natural difference/evolution. Or the fact a whole new guy was writing it all with a slightly different style so he wrote what he knew idk maybe a bit of a factor idk

Also i cant stand the Tord bait sorry I cant, especially when they used to like get annoyed by the fandom by asking and then just realized he was a cash cow so like now we get Tord merch and the hints and Tori and the skit with the cavemen like OMG TORD- and he got crushed by a rock thanks gang, cause like dude I think as much as we love Tord like maybe this go around respect Larson’s choice to like not use him in the series anymore and take him out but like ig that doesn’t apply to merch so yeah lets do one more go around bring out the red one. Or idk maybe they contacted him and was like “yo dude can we like use him for merch” but i dont think that happened. I think it was just better to leave him absent from the show and be like “yeah no Tord guys, no Tord” and we could have all had our thumbs up and be like “Ok Eddsworld Beyond we are okay with that”. Like I know Red October was for charity but idk it still felt weird to use Tord, like could this really not have just been the main 3 or like bring in some deep cut old characters or side characters did we really need Tord here.

[imraespace]

‼️ before reading this i just wanna let you know i yapped so hard during this and i never realized how long this was until i started rereading im so sorry. i hope everything i said makes sense </3 ‼️

ohymogsh thank you for suggesting sae w mala by 6ix9ine bc you just gave me the most brilliant idea ever omg

ALSO OMG U ALSO EDIT/EDITED OMG YAYAYAY i wanna learn how to do like yk those complex transitions w them cubes and all that bc they look so cool but im so scared ill mess them up and its gonna look so bummy 💔

I ANIMATE/TWEEN AS WELL but i use the term animate more bc the term tweening reminds me of gacha life tweening tutorial and my gacha phase was something thats for sure..!

im lowkey considering to like stop editing and start writing stories or create smaus because it takes so long to animate and i cant really do anything else except a simple zoom in/out ☹️

ive been trying to tween this one kaiser fanart and i never realized how bad kaisers hair was until i was erasing each layer of hair for 12 hours AND IM STILL SOMEHOW NOT DONE?? I STARTED THIS ABOUT A MONTH AGO TOO. i have beef w ness now cuz he couldve just gave this guy a bob cut and my life would have been so much easier >:(

i apologize that i never stop talking bc once i start talking about something im interested in i just somehow never stop BUT IM GLAD WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON OTHER THAN OUR LOVE OF BLUELOCK !!

- 🐙

LMAO ITS OKAY once i start yapping i cant stop as well

ALSO YIPPEE IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

ABT THE COMPLEX TRANSITIONS I REALLY WANNA LEARN THOSE AS WELL i went looking at my old edits and realized i didnt even have a certain style it was all over the place LMAO i mostly edit during my genshin phase and i swear one day it was a cute yoimiya edit then next it was a depressing albedo edit that looks wayy different..

i say you should do what you want to rn like i had fun editing for while until i got bored then randomly i made a book on wattpad and it was fun to do so now im here writing for fun! ive gotten the feeling to edit a few times before but i realized how TIME CONSUMING IT IS LIKE WITH WHAT YOU SAID WITH KAISER IT TOOK ME A WHOLE MONTH TO MAKE A WHOLE EDIT WITH JUST TWEENING.

and DONT GET ME STARTED ON WHEN YOU FINISHED CROPPING THE INDIVIDUAL PARTS AND PLACE IT IN THE EDITING APP you realized you missed something out or theres a noticeable spot you forgot to hide(esp for the hair) it makes me wanna just delete everything

i think ness was feeling a bit goofy when he did kaiser haircut bc his rat tails in the back of his head is kinda funny.. i wouldve just made kaiser bald and do the edit just like that for funsies

ALSO SAMEE i cant stop talking if its something im interested in AND YIPEPE WE GOT TWO(hehehe three if you count our non stop blabbering) IN COMMON

whatever you choose to do with the editing or writing just have fun with it and you can always go back to the other one if you want!

WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY THIS HELP I HAD A GACHA PHASE AS WELL I HAD A YT CHANNEL AND SADLY I DELETED EVERYTHING BC I WANTED TO WATCH MY CRINGE VIDEOS BUT ITS ALL GONE. but ya!

[makasdisaster]

so i did it OAO, here’s the plushie small fic i was thinking about, lets call it-

Teasing  (Katsuki Bakugou x reader)

(i’m not the best at writing so let me know if there’s anything i should fix, i did try tho ><‘, please DONT take my work or repost it as yours) {minors don’t interact you’ll be blocked}

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

its the afternoon and you're tired but you force yourself to slip out of your boyfriends arms that are too preoccupied holing up his phone to keep a firm enough grip on you to keep you laying in place beside him, "oi, where you goin'?" Katsuki asks shifting his eyes lazily from the screen just as you start garbing your things from his side table "I'm gonna run to the store real quick, i need to get a few thing before they close" you finish zipping up your bag slinging it over your shoulder opening his bedroom door "now you be a good boy and stay here, I'll be right back k? good doggie, try not to miss me too much~"

you're such a tease but that what he loves about you the most, that you can mess with him just as much he does to you and not have to worry because you both don't take any of it too heart “hah~, not the fuck alone you don't-" almost dropping his phone Katsuki practically jumps off his bed grabbing his wallet stuffing his things in his pockets chasing after you down the stairs

after a short car ride to the closes target with some fun toons of your choosing you both make your way inside and to the back getting the things you came for

"i think that's about everything we needed but before we go can we go look at one more thing?" holding the list you made on the car ride closer to yourself, you slightly lean closer into Katsu's personal bubble then he'd like in public with a big smile waiting for his approval "fine, but make that shit fast go it? i don't want to be here any longer that they end up escorting us out" roiling his eyes softly Katsu' continues to push the cart following your now existed form towards the toys

"gaasp, they have it" rushing into the Ille of stuffies you grab a medium sized scruffy looking cream bear that oddly has a few of the same colors as Katsuki"s hearo costume worked into the robin around its neck, it even looks upset just like his signature frowned expression "Isn't it just the cutest ever?" confused with a grossed gaze, Katsuki pushes it gently out of his face looking at you like you've just waisted his time "what are you five? you don't need that crap" with a pout you put it in the baby seat of the cart "oh hush, its the only one im gettin' an plus its a limited edition, they only made five so i gotta'"

you both start walking to the regsters to pay "ya' know, if you wanted something that looked like me to sleep with, we could've skip this lil' trip an' stayed in bed" you blush softly almost stopping in your tracks "i.i dont know what you're talkin' about" he knows you know he figured it out so that means he's going to keep this over you for as long as he can "whatever you say princess, ill just have to make you get the rest then~"

----

when packing up the car Katsu' makes sure the teasing starts as soon as posable, setting the bear in the drivers seat before you get in the passenger side "wa-" you swear you can here him laughing to himself from outside the car.

- - - -

once you both get back to his place you put down the bear paying it no mind as you have to put away all the food an other essentials before you can make your way back towards his room wanting to chill,

after all the work you've just done you make it up the stairs to Katsu’s room only to open the door an find the bear once again sitting in his place but this time on the bed wearing his boxers an holding his phone just like how he would be once returning home "! REALLY KATSUK!?" and just like that right on cue Katsuki's down stairs losing his shit, oh he's going to make this a habit and you're going to suffer finding this thing allover the place till he gets bored but seeing as he didn't make you leave it back at the store means out of all the plushies you've left at his place he minds this one the least because unlike the others, it’s of your favorite person.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[shhh-no-ones-home]

(con)fess up din djarin x reader

+++++++++ This was harder to edit than I thought it would be 🙃

this is my first time writing for mando so if its ooc sorry lol

Song: love drunk by boys like girls

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

"you need to slow down."

i said boldly before knocking down another shot. cara just laughed, holding the bottle neck firmly in her hand.

"maybe you just need to keep up."

she said, taking a long swig from the bottle.

"It is my last night after all."

i shook my head at her.

"That may be, but im not trying to die, i know you can drink me under the table."

she smirked at me.

"are you admitting defeat?"

she challenged and i smiled at her warmly.

"of course not, but i like to think i know my limits."

i slurred out, taking another shot. she laughed again, watching mando climb down the ladder into the hull of the ship.

"so you two are still drinking."

he said in confirmation. i nodded proudly.

"yes, you should join us!"

i said excitedly, looking to cara's amused face as she studied him.

"no, thats alright."

he said picking up the child from the table as it cooed at him, placing him in the pod.

"well this was fun but i think its time for bed. we have a busy day ahead of us after all."

cara said, standing and taking the bottle back from me. i frowned at her as she made her way around the table and up the ladder din had just emerged from.

"im not ready to go yet."

i pouted, looking to mando as he sat down beside me.

"not tired yet?"

he asked and i shrugged, watching the baby as he stared at me, his little ears moving back and forth.

"i dont know, but i was hoping to talk to you before."

he tilted his head in my direction. i sat forward.

"i know i cant see you under there,"

i said, tilting my head to the side as if it would help, placing my hand firmly on the table.

"but i want you to know that i really like you din."

he stiffened at the mention of his name, as if he thought id forgotten it. Even in my drunken state there is no way I would ever allow myself to.

"i wish i could take that off so i could show you but ill just deal with it on for now."

i said, standing and moving between his legs. i stared down at him.

"i care about you."

i said softly, running my thumb over the top of his helmet. he looked up at me and i wish i could see what he was thinking, maybe get an ounce of reassurance from the look on his face. He paused for a second.

"i care about you too."

he said softly, making me smile as the baby babbled. i nodded, a tired smile across my lips.

"thats good enough for me."

i said firmly, moving my hands on either side of his helmet. he gripped my wrists lightly, like he didnt know what i was gonna do. but i held him in place, leaned forward and kissed what i thought to be his forehead. when i pulled away i leaned down further and kissed about where his lips should have been. i sighed to myself as i stood back upright, grabbing the baby out of the pod and carrying him to the bunk with me.

"ill see you tomorrow mando."

i said sleepily, pulling the blanket to the side and sliding into his bed with the child tucked between my arms.

°°°°°°°°°

when i woke up i was a little startled, looking up at din as he lifted the child out of my grasp.

"morning."

i said groggily, rolling over onto my back as he held the little man in his arms, there barely being space between the two of us in the small bunk.

"good morning."

he said nonchalantly, backing out of it. i sat up slowly, watching the child crawl away from din as he set him down.

"remind me not to drink with cara ever again."

i said, placing my head in my hands and shaking it. i heard him laugh a little bit.

"ill be sure to do that."

he said amused, looking behind him. i scooted towards him and stood slowly, stumbling into him and him holding tightly against his chest.

"easy there."

he said, standing me upright. i groaned.

"right."

i went to move past him but he stopped me.

"about last night."

he said and my face dropped.

"what about last night?"

i said and he nodded.

"i just want you to know i keep the helmet on for my own safety. its not that i dont want you to know who i am, i just cant risk it."

i cleared my throat, watching the baby climb back into dins bed.

"look, i dont-"

I swallowed hard.

"i dont mind it. ya know. i dont exactly remember much of what was said last night but what i said was probably true. and i dont care if you never take your helmet off. i know who you are, without seeing your face."

he looked down and i tried to study him.

"thank you y/n, for understanding. and for being honest with me, last night, today, and always."

i nodded once, moving to walk past him to the privy. As I stepped around him I froze. cara was sitting at the table, eating something indistinguishable and staring at me with a knowing glint behind her eyes.

"morning."

she said smugly.

"Morning."

I said back, stepping into the privy and closing the door. I sighed as I say there, rubbing my hands over my face. Then I heard the baby and my eyes shot open, staring down at him as he stated back up at me. I shook my head as I finished, picking him up and opening the door.

"This is yours."

I said, surrending him to din and moving to the ladder.

"y/n, wait."

he said, and I paused, turning back to him slowly. I looked to cara for a second. she raised both brows, looking between the two of us. i watched as she slowly stood up.

"im gonna go."

she said awkwardly, grabbing her bowl and climbing the ladder past me and up to the control room. i sighed out when she was no longer in sight, turning to look back at din.

"yes?"

i asked slowly. he opened and closed his fist a few times, setting the baby in his pod.

"i dont exactly know how to do this."

He confessed and I moved slowly to the table.

"I've spent my whole life trying to keep myself alive, and now I have to care for that little womp rat."

He said with a short laugh and I couldn't help but smile.

"What I'm trying to say is-"

i shook my head.

"You don't have to do that din. i know you've got a lot happening now, especially with your quest from the armorer. I just wanted you to know how I feel. i dont want anything to change. Can we agree on that?"

i said and he nodded.

"Yeah, I think we can."

i nodded back once, stepping closer to the ladder again.

"Glad we're on the same page."

[lovelyparkers]

sickly lovely cuddles

summary: peter visits you in the hospital! writing this for my fellow sick kids out there bc i'm in the hospital a lot and need this. to any of my chronically ill babes out there, i love u, keep fighting! and i love everyone!

warnings: hospitals, mentions of blood and needles, gtubes, ox tubes, overall fluff 1.2k+ words

peter was currently in the elevator headed to your floor in a NYC children's hospital. it was a bit far from his apartment in queens, but he would go miles to see you, especially when you were sicker than normal.

he carried a bouquet of fake flowers he got from a craft shop, because he knew real ones affected your allergies and ability to breathe. he wanted you to be happy and see that beautiful smile of yours, even if it was from fake flowers. and he even stopped in the cafeteria to get you and him cups of hot chocolate, a great replacement for your beloved coffee you oh so missed. (yes, us heart failure patients cannot even have decaf coffee! ever since my several heart disease diagnosis, i have left coffee behind and was given a hot chocolate replacement)

once he got off the elevator, he smiled, saying hi to the nurses at the nurse station and heading to your room. peter was obviously a frequented visitor and many nurses and a few doctors knew him by name.

upon reaching your door, he looked in the window to see you laying in bed watching tv. you had comfy pyjamas on and spider-man socks peter got you a few weeks ago. you had bags under your eyes and bruises on your arms from needle upon needle and IVs. you also had a grey beanie on, one that was peter's that he left here accidentally. it looked great on you.

he tapped the door with his foot to get your attention. you turned your head over slowly, expecting your nurse, but immediately peeled up when you saw peter. you smiled and waved for him to come in. he pushed the door open and set the flowers and hot cocoa on your tray table. (bruh i've run a tray table over my foot ONE TOO MANY TIMES)

"hi y/n/n," he said, calling you your favorite nickname.

"hi peter!" you said, reaching out to hug him.

he embraced you in a long and warm hug before smiling and motioned to your table, "i got you some goodies!"

"ooo what did ya get me?"

he picked up the fake flowers first, handing the neat bouquet to you.

"they are fake of course, because, ya know," he motioned to your nasal cannula, "your allergies make you breathe bad."

you laughed, adjusting the tube behind your ear, "yes, yes they do."

"andddd," he began before picking up the hot cocoa, "hot cocoa!"

"yay! gimme!"

he handed you a cup, brushing your fingers in the process.

"thank you peter," you said before taking a sip, "gosh this hospital hot chocolate hits different."

"of course, anything for you."

you smiled, both sipping your drinks.

"so, i'm gonna ask the dreaded question because that's who i am, how are you feeling today? physically? mentally? emotionally?"

you sighed, "well i had severe hypotension at 2 am and have been awake since, getting filled with meds while almost passing out isn't fun. oh and my iv is being annoying and keeps getting in the way as usual."

you pointed to the sticker and the long tube that was all over your room.

"geez i'm sorry," peter said sincerely.

"but hey," you lifted up your shirt a little bit to show your stomach, "g tube is removed!"

"yay!" peter literally screamed causing you to laugh. he knew how much you hated that darn g tube.

"but mentally and emotionally i'm doing...okay. better now that you're here."

"i'm glad," he smiled.

you took a big gulp of your steaming cocoa then started having a coughing attack because sometimes you forget to breathe when drinking.

peter stood up, rubbing your back, "you okay?"

you finished coughing and cleared your throat, giving him a thumbs up.

"yes now get in bed and cuddle with me," you demanded and adjusted the bed to yours and his liking.

"okay."

peter crawled into bed with you after kicking off his sneakers.

"watch out for my oxygen, don't wanna sit on it and make me stop breathing."

"oh my gosh," peter said shocked, he was always careful, "dont say stuff like that! you're concerning me."

you laughed, "i'm joking i'm joking! it wasn't even near your butt anyways."

you cuddled up into peter's side and watched tv together for awhile. he eventually put his arm around you which caused your heart rate to soar, sending a loud sound from your monitor and in game your nurse.

"oh gosh," you groaned.

"you okay y/n-" your nurse asked before seeing you and peter, "ooo sorry kids, hi peter."

"hi meg."

"your heart rate went up, just checking in."

"i'm fine meg, thanks," you said blushing and gesturing over to peter cuddled up with you.

"ah, i see. call me if you need me."

you waved.

peter spent the rest of the day with you, migrating from your room to the craft area, to the outside lookout. he pushed you around in a wheelchair when you felt too tired or weak. he fixed your sweater when it got caught around a tube or two. he laughed with you. and he hugged you. a lot. it seemed like stuff someone who loved you did, not just a best friend. you wondered if he liked you back. but how could he like a sick kid? you were gonna be in the hospital for awhile. he couldn't get used to that.

but oh, how he could and would. because he loved you. sick kid or not.

time was ticking towards ten pm. the time they usually kicked peter out even though visiting hours ended at eight pm. he rubbed your arm and fixed your beanie before getting out of bed.

you grabbed onto his arm, "stay?"

peter sighed and smiled sadly, "you know i cant. they kick me out at ten."

"lemme just ask meg, she won't mind if-"

"y/n, it's okay. i'll be back first thing in the morning."

"you will?"

"of course i will," he smiled, causing you to grin.

you yawned sleepily. you only stayed up this late when peter was here. usually you'd be out like a light by 7:30 or 8. but you managed when he was around.

you were still holding his hand at this point, his thumb rubbing across yours.

"love you," you whispered.

"i love you too," he whispered back.

he hesitated, then kissed you softly on the cheek.

"see you in the morning y/n/n."

"see you, pete."

he let go of your hand walking to the door before using some hand sanitizer and smiling at you.

"bye."

you smiled at him, blushing, while he left. he closed the door behind him. he peeked thru the little window on the door and blew you a kiss. you caught it and laughed. he laughed too. you waved again, and he walked away.

minutes later, you were out like a light, dreaming about that boy.

meanwhile, peter was on the phone with may, "yeah i'm on my way home...i'll be careful...ha yeah, yeah i do. i really love her."

hi guys hope u enjoyed! even my non sick ones. hope you're all healthy and happy. i love u all. know i'm here for u and don't hesitate to dm me if u need anything <3 love, your fave spoonie, juli

[daphuu]

Part One! Im sorry its taken me forever to reply!!!! i really am sorry if i made you worry, its just been very hot where i am so its been a little hard to focus on writing a coherent response :D ----- Ive written a few FAHC fics! (about 4 of them) my most recognised one is a raywood fic called 'A Handsome Stranger Called Death' (thats the real long boy). ----- I dont think you've done a fic rec for any of them but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, im also not in the FAHC chat! but it sounds cool! - brie xx

... seeing them on twitter is so lovely, everytime i see them it becomes real UWU hours ----- my book is kinda a mix of funny and ouch! its called 'dumb things to say in a street fight' and its a collection of sentences that range from "you eyes say bedroom but you knife says ER" to "you hit like my dad" and its in a ergodic kinda style (house of leaves but not quite) i love writting because its so fun to put words together and make something heartbreaking and beautiful. | Salem is a bastard boy! but i love him-hes got a grey and white coat (underbelly, nose, and paws white, grey the rest) i adopted him from a pound while looking for my sisters cat (he came home eventually dw!) because i saw him and fell inlove instantly, i named him salem because to me hes magic. Im very glad to hear that Lady is doing better!!! ----- my favourite drink is either super cold water, or straight up sprite! what about you? | yeah im starting uni in feb! ill be studying creative writing with a minor in japanese language! it took me so long to decide as originally i wanted to do astrophysics but took a physics class and decided it wasnt for me and dropped physics the next year for english extension! i learnt so much about literary theory 10/10 very cool and makes you question everything- YOUR SERIES SOUNDS AMAZING!!!! i would read the heck out of that!!!!! | honestly i could see myself getting sucked into that world instantly! writing can be slow going and as a fellow ADHDer i know how it feels when you set up a lot to write but! let each milestone you hit, whether its deciding a characters last name or writing 1000, 100, 50, or even just 5 words, fuel your monolithic desire to weave together words and make something beautiful like an old god pulling meaning from the stars!

___

Hi hiii! I’m glad you’re alive and well, Brie~!

Hoooo boy that fic is a good long one. I’m excited to read it—I’ve added it to my to-read list (lengthy, lengthy) and have it open in one of my tabs haha

Where are you????? It’s been pretty chilly here lately. Good ol’ Texas wishy-washy weather for ya! Also you should totally join the FAHC chat sometime! It’s pretty active tbh between people throwing out random headcanons and fic ideas and just general chatting :3 I love it!!

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to you. It’s been like a week or seven but I’ve been trying to focus on getting into this coding bootcamp course so I can get the heck out of my current living situation and into something infinitely more preferable. I’ve gotten into the course and now I’m just focusing on finishing the mandatory prework they require every student to finish before the first day of classes ;n; wish me luck ahhhhhhh

“Dumb Things to Say in a Street Fight” sounds like an amazing compilation, are you kidding me omg I would read that so quickly and then go test some of them xD xD sldjfkjlksj jkjk ofc “YOUR EYES SAY BEDROOM BUT YOUR KNIFE SAYS ER” has killed me. I laugh every time I see that in my inbox. thank you omgomg ahhaahahahahahahahahaha (”you hit like my dad” has me like 💀💀)

Salem sounds like a lovely bastard boy. He sounds adorable and if you don’t DM me pictures of Salem soon I might cry 😭😢😂

Lady is doing much better and is back to her usual prickly self. She still doesn’t like me, and unfortunately she has now equated me approaching her for pets or holds to “oh god the bad things are about to happen” so she runs away from me a lot now :( she still cuddles with my dad, though, the little assholes!! (both her and my dad are the assholes in this case btw)

Creative Writing FTW!! Hell yeah! Japanese language will be hella fun, too. I’ve always wanted to learn an Asian language. So far I’m stuck in North American languages for the most part since my goal is to use these languages and I hardly ever encounter Japanese people in my small section of Texas haha

Astrophysics sounds amazing though btw wow wow that would’ve been hella hard but super rad and interesting to learn. Creative writing is much more down my own alley--I hope you like your classes! When do they start? Have they already? You said “February” but idk when in February so

 AHHH I FORGOT THAT I TRIED TO EXPLAIN MY SEVEN SHARDS SERIES TO YOU AHHHH SLSLDJFLJSLKDJFLSFKJSLKDJ; IT WAS PROBABLY SO DISJOINTED AND I’M SO SORRY HAHAHA but i’m glad you like the concept!!

How have you been?

[edge-lorde]

just finished savage edennnnn.

it wasnt terribly scientific but it reminded me a lot of the ya books i used to read. obviously written for the love of writing a cool story and doesnt really have a moral or agenda, just pure entertainment. also gives the neanderthals a hopeful end rather than dwelling on the fact that they do all die out. 

i do have a few issues/critiques with it, and i will post them here because they are not necessarily neanderealated, but thinking about what makes a book good or bad and how narrative is put together is honestly half the fun for me. 

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

my first issue is a critique of the writing. ive commended this book for its much better characters than other self published books i have read, but there are still a few things that bother me. 

to begin, the setting of the book is a clan of hunter gatherers just before the last ice age. this clans structure includes all of the men being a group of hunters, which is run in a para-militaristic style. the main character is a man named golau, whose character is the masculine ideal for his people. hes the generic hero type, but also very kind and nurturing, and is set to be the next clan leader. a few of the other hunters are named and come up, but few enough so as to get a good read of their personality. 

one of these such hunters is a man named ceffyl, who did not stick out in the writing at all until the very moment it was relevant. when golau first breaks off from the others to begin his adventure plot, he names ceffyl to take his place as leader and it is revealed that they had actually been best friends this whole time, despite maybe having one scene together where they talk to each other in passing. 

then this happens again when ceffyl reveals to golaus betrothed, a girl named sky, that he wanted to marry her but they couldnt become close because golau might still come back. then it is revealed that ceffyl was actually THE most eligible bachelor in the clan this entire time, but had never married, presumably because he was waiting for sky. none of that had ever come up the second before this happened, and it happened in the last quarter of the book. 

this happened a few more times with other characters too, but i wont list them all. its a shame because the book is only 242 pages long and i see so many places where it could be beefed up. there are a lot of hunter characters and many of them are interchangeable too. it makes me wonder how much backstory there actually was that didnt get put in that could have made the book that much more compelling, and i already thought much of it was compelling! 

another problem i have is with the two main romances. both of them are between teenage girls and adult men. this immediately puts me on guard but both are very respectfully written.

 there are no ‘lust’ scenes that are so common in YA, which i am thankful for, for one thing. the first romance ive described already, between sky and ceffyl. after ceffyl reveals his feelings, there are no more scenes like that between them. i take this to mean that both of them act like adults and continue to work with each other without pursuing a relationship until golau comes back and releases sky from their betrothal. 

its never stated how old ceffyl is, but he is described as ‘young’ while golau is described as 25. sky is described as 17 at the start of the book but is likely 18 by the end. it could be that ceffyl is actually much closer to her in age than golau was, but before she came to like ceffyl, she had accepted her future marriage to golau, logiced out it would be a good match, and kissed him goodbye at the end of the book for ‘what could have been.’ the 8 year age gap was also commented on by another teenage girl in the book, so we know that this is not common even by whatever the standards of the time are. 

the other romance is between a 16 year old girl and a neanderthal hunter whose age is never commented on, though he takes on a full adult role and even leads his people as ‘senior male’ for a time. i dont think this title refers to age, but it would be strange for a teenager to take the lead over more experienced members, doesnt it? this plotline is similarly never grossly written and always thoughtful, but it just irks me that the girls are so young. 

i cant imagine anything about the story changing if they had just been bumped up in age by a few years. you could make the argument that girls mature faster than boys, but..... they shouldnt have to. is it really unrealistic for the average age of marriage for a woman to be early 20′s rather than mid to late teens? if so, sky could also be just a widow. golau’s first wife died from illness, shes mentioned in one sentence and never brought up again. 

idk.... it makes me uneasy..... but then again, so does all romance so what am i even talking about, right?

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

The Good Life: Chapter 5

Hello, my lovelies! Another week, another chapter of this story. I don’t really have too much to say before this chapter, so I suppose I’ll just get right to it.

Need to get caught up? The Good Life: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4

If you want to be added (or removed) from the tags list for this story, just feel free to let me know!

@pink-royaute @believethaticanandiwill @milllott @likeashootingstarfades @i-dream-of-emus

The Good Life: Chapter 5

The bell to the lift chimed as the metal doors slowly slid open, signaling that they had reached their desired floor, and Finn stepped aside to allow Rae to walk out first.

“I still can’t believe that we’re on the fifth floor of the building!” Rae mused as she looked over the railing outside of the lift that overlooked one of the busy city streets.

“It’s a good thing neither of us are scared of heights, huh?” Finn joked as he adjusted his grip on the large box he was carrying in his arms.

Finn and Rae turned left after exiting the hallway with the lift, already becoming familiar with navigating the building after following the same path numerous times.

When Finn stopped in front of one of the doors, he turned to look at Rae, who was lagging behind slightly as she walked leisurely to take in the view from the top floor of the building.

“Do you have the keys, Finn, or do I?”

“I do, but I can’t get to them with this box,” Finn replied.

“Do ya want me to take the box from you?”

“No, it’s pretty heavy,” Finn replied with a slight grunt as he adjusted his grip on the box to prove his point, “but can you get the keys out of my pocket?”

“Er, sure...which pocket?”

“Back left pocket of my jeans,” Finn said as he angled his body towards her so she could easily reach his pocket.

“Alright,” Rae replied as she hesitantly reached her hand into the pocket of Finn’s jeans to grab the set of keys.

“Uh, sorry,” Finn replied sheepishly when Rae pulled the keys out of his pocket and it elicited an unexpected giggle from him, “that tickled more than I expected.”

Rae laughed and shook her head, but stepped in front of Finn to unlock the door and allow him to walk inside first.

Once inside the door, Finn walked into the large open space that would eventually resemble a living room and placed the box he was carrying beside the other tall stacks of boxes.

“Was that the last box?” Finn asked over his shoulder as he restacked some of the boxes to reduce some of the clutter.

“Indeed! Who knew that between the two of us, we’d have so much stuff?” Rae asked with a laugh as she looked around the room at dozens of cardboard boxes that had been piled haphazardly around the room.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m very proud of how efficient we were today. We got all your stuff and my stuff packed into the moving truck and got it all brought up to the apartment all in a matter of hours!”

“That’s pretty impressive! We make a good team, huh?” Rae asked as she walked to stand beside Finn and bumped his hip with hers playfully.

“We absolutely do,” Finn replied as he wrapped an arm around Rae’s shoulders and pulled her slightly closer, “I think we deserve to reward our hard work. We should order some takeaway since we have no food here yet and then after we’ve eaten if we feel up to it, we can start unpacking boxes. What do you think about that?”

“I think it’s a great idea. I’ll order and you can go pick it up, if that’s alright with you? What do you want to eat?”

“Of course! I don’t have a preference, I’m just starving and would like a lot of food,” Finn added with a smile as he walked away.

Rae called in their takeaway order while Finn reorganized the boxes against the perimeter of the room to ensure that they had a clear path to walk around without tripping.

“Alright, our order should be ready in less than half an hour. I ordered from the Chinese restaurant just down the street because their online reviews looked really good. I hope that’s alright with you.”

“It’s great, thank you. I’ll leave to go pick it up as soon as I find my keys again,” Finn replied with a nervous chuckle.

“Your keys are on the kitchen counter,” Rae replied with a fond smile at Finn’s forgetfulness, “Do you want me to try to find some plates and utensils in one of these boxes while you’re gone?”

“Yeah, that’d be great!”

Once Finn grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone off of the counter where he had left them, he left to go pick up their takeaway order.

Rae searched through the stacks of boxes trying to find whatever she thought Finn and she would need to eat their takeaway and before long she heard the door unlock and Finn walking through the door.

“Sorry if I took longer than you expected. I, uh, wanted to--what is this?”

Rae beamed with pride at the look of surprise on Finn’s face when he walked into the living room to see a small lamp on top of a short stack of boxes to subtly light the room as well as a pile of pillows and blankets strategically arranged to make the floor more comfortable to sit on, since the couch they had bought online wouldn’t be delivered until next weekend.

“I was looking for the boxes with dishes in them and I got a little carried away,” Rae replied with a shrug as she walked up to take the bags of food from Finn.

“Well it looks great! I thought it seemed appropriate that we mark the occasion today with a drink,” Finn replied as he pulled a pack of beer from one of the bags Rae had placed on the kitchen counter, “so I picked this up too. I know it’s not champagne or anything fancy, but...”

“Don’t worry about it. Champagne is disgusting anyways,” Rae replied with a chuckle as she continued unpacking the bags of takeaway containers onto the counter.

“We can go ahead and serve ourselves food and then I also have my laptop here if you wanted to watch something or listen to music while we eat.”

“I don’t feel like paying close attention to anything, so maybe we can just put on some music?” Rae suggested.

After they had served themselves plates full of various entrees, noodles, and sautéed vegetables, Rae sat down on the pile of pillows and blankets as Finn grabbed his laptop to put on one of his many playlists to listen to in the background.

“It’s crazy to think how quickly everything has moved. I mean, less than a month ago I was panicking about how I was going to find a roommate and a little over a week ago we were barely starting to tour potential apartment!” Rae mused as she ate.

“No kidding! If you’d told me over a month ago that I would have moved out of my Da’s house and be living with you, I wouldn’t ever believe it,”

“Oh wow! Thanks, Finn!” Rae scoffed.

“That’s not what I meant! I just meant that I wasn’t serious about moving out until I found out how badly you needed to find a roommate. Even when I first suggested it, it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I couldn’t even fathom why you had agreed to be my roommate, if I’m being honest.”

“Well I’m glad that this whole thing worked out as well as it has so far!”

“Me too, Rae!” Finn replied as he lifted his can of beer into the air in cheers.

The pair continued eating and talking until both were completely stuffed and pleasantly buzzed on cheap beer.

“Wow,” Rae began after a long yawn, “I’m so exhausted!”

“I know what you mean! After lifting all those boxes, I’m sure both our arms are gonna be sore tomorrow.”

Rae leaned over to place both of their now-empty plates on top of one of the nearby boxes. When she sat back, Rae angled her body so she was leaning into Finn’s side.

She looked over at him, silently asking if that was okay, and while he looked a bit surprised, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around her in a loose embrace.

“I don’t want to unpack boxes tonight. I have the day off of work tomorrow as well, so I’ll unpack tomorrow while you’re at work.”

“I can’t let you unpack everything alone! I’ll play hooky from work and stay here to unpack with you,” Finn replied.

“You don’t have to!”

“No, but I want to.”

“Alright,” Rae replied with a small smile as she allowed her eyes to slowly drift shut as they continued talking and listening to music.

When Finn stood from the ground and grabbed the dirty dishes to wash, he looked back to see Rae curled up on the pile of blankets, scrolling through her phone.

“Did you want another beer before I put them in the fridge?” Finn asked from the kitchen after he had finished washing their dishes and setting them aside to dry.

When he did not get a response, Finn walked out into the living room and was surprised to see Rae asleep on the pile of blankets, snoring lightly.

Finn chuckled quietly, walking back into the kitchen only long enough to turn off the light and returned to the living room.

Finn grabbed Rae’s phone from beside her face where she was laying down and set it on the box closest to her so she could easily find it in the morning.

With all of their larger furniture being delivered over the next week, Finn and Rae had already determined that they would be sleeping on the floor for the foreseeable future, so Finn simply unfolded one of the blankets that Rae was not laying on top of and covered her up with it. Finn considered his options for just a moment before shrugging and laying down on the pile of blankets and pillows in the space beside Rae and allowed the dizzying combination of exertion and excitement to lull him into a state of much needed sleep.

A/N: Yay! Move-in day is over and Finn and Rae are OFFICIALLY roommates! I know this point took a while to build up to, so I made a point to make this chapter extra cute and show how quickly Rae and Finn are getting used to the idea of living together and how adorably domestic these two idiots are even though they’ve only lived together less than a day.

The cuteness has only just begun and even just based on the chapters that I’ve already written or mapped out, there is a lot of fun shenanigans in the upcoming chapters. I know the last couple chapters have been super dialogue-heavy between Rae and Finn (idk how y’all feel about this...I LOVE to read/write dialogue-heavy stuff, but it may not be everyone’s cup of tea), but in the future chapters I’m bringing the gang back and we’ll get to see how the gang feels about the Rae/Finn living situation now that more time has passed.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter and as always: Stay awesome, my friends! :)

[hereliesbitches--me]

“You really think we should be celebrating that now?”

Valentine’s day in the Zompocalypse! ( Always accepting) 

“ As good of a time as any. I don’t think we’re gonna have a break like this again for a while.”

       After a weeks of travelling, avoiding the dead and other scavengers, sleeping with one eye open, and rotating in shifts when they had to sleep in the open, this was one of their rare opportunities to sit and sleep in a house that wasn’t tainted by any of the dead. They hit the jackpot. They found sanctuary in one of those gated communities that seemed clear enough to use the house without fear of waking up to a herd caging them in. The suburbs of New York had a sparse population of the undead in comparison to the congested cities. Here, Rosie comfortable let her bag fall into the kitchen, let the dogs roam about and sniff out for pests, and from the corner she watched as the kids excitedly pulled out a collection of colorful papers, scissors, markers , and glue to set out over the dusty table to work on once Eddie had left for some scavenging and clean up in that day. What he came back to find was a mess of paper clippings and cutouts all over the floor, the kids hiding their little projects away from his sights with a whine that it wasn’t ready – more Mia than Thursday, as her brother timidly tried to hide his creation under a dscolored manila folder he found. It was Rosie keeping Eddie in the living room, checking over what remains of supplies and what had been added. 

“ It’s Valentine’s day, ya know.”  She spoke up suddenly, softly, peering up from the collection and smiling briefly at him. “ That’s why they’re making projects. We used to have a tradition to make gifts for each other, just in case things don’t go so well at school.. ”Rosie settled for a moment, letting herself sit in the worn cushion that had once belonged to some unknown person that was probably among the wandering dead outside. It only took them a few months, but they were finally beginning to get along.. comfortable enough to speak with a little more ease. Sometimes she just talked.. sometimes he would listen, sometimes he wouldn’t, but it didnt matter to her (or did it?) , as long as she could just let it out. Those rare moments he actually conversed back, even if it was just a few words, she savored and kept in mind. The mother let her shoulders sink back for a bit, leaning into the groaning seat as the springs threaten to give, and she looked aside to where she could hear her children quietly chatting in hurried voices. The feline features at the top of her head stood tall and rotated to better catch their words. Her smile was always a tired one, but at least hearing them happy brought a warmth to her soul.. 

 “ Don’t ask why I know its Valentine’s day. Its an amazing worthless sixth sense I have for vital dates to keep in mind. I get its probably stupid to you, but its really important for them to still have a chance to keep good memories alive..”  Though Eddie asked for no explanation, she felt the need to defend it even when no one else would think it wise.  There was a conscious self awareness in her soul that always existed even before the end of the world. She was off in many ways, confusing and nonsensical to many, even before her spiral against mental illness after years of service in the military, and the police force. So few bothered to understand.. She knew something was strange inside her.. Something so very wrong that she just couldn’t fix, but she tried her best to hide it. The only one who had ever seemed to accept it was her Rocky… but just like everything else she touched, her illness was the very thing that killed him. She lived with it every day.. Could Eddie see how she wilted in that moment? How her eyes seemed to sink into her skull and hollow out as her racing thoughts remind her of her loss on a supposed day of love..? She practically ran in a state of autopilot, wearing an empty smile while her tired eyes stared off. 

 Wake up, Rosie. Wake up, you’re drifting. Don’t be so insensitive, you’re not the only one who’s hurting.

Suddenly, she blinked again. That’s right, she thought, he had a wife before too.. 

Rosie turned her head back to Eddie, and she mustered all her energy to offer him a warm look as she dug around her back for something that crinkled loudly as she pulled it out, “ I know it’s not much but..you won’t believe the fact that I found really good chocolate not too long ago to share on this day- ”Then, she was cut off by a chirping high pitched voice.

“ ITS DONE! ITS DONE! We finished- EDDIE, EDDIE, LOOK! FOR YOU!! ”Mia practically skid across the floor, her voice much too loud in a world of deathly silence as she skipped towards the two adults with her colorful crafts in each little hand. Even Rosie winced, and her heart spiked up in paranoid fear at the crowd the volume could arouse from outside. The look alone, sharp on her mother’s slim features, was enough of a warning for Mia to realize her mistake. The 8 year old gasped quietly, a warmth rising in her colored cheeks as she gave Eddie a sheepish grin. She lowered her voice in a quiet apology. In each hand she held a small, hand made card with the artistic eloquence of an elementary schooler’s work. To each adult, she offered her mismatching cards with an eager brilliance in her eyes. “ For you.” 

Eddie’s was a cutout heart much like Rosie’s, decorated in small doodles of hearts and stars and other little images in colorful marker on the front, titled ‘ Happy Valentine Day! ’ in bulky, slanted handwriting.  ‘ From: Mia! To: Awesome Eddie!  ’          Signed off with a heart.Mia was practically bouncing on her toes, eyes shining in anticipation while her restless little tail wagged. Rosie held her card, but her eyes were drawn curiously to Eddie’s card more than her own. “Open it!” Mia urged him, impatience clear in her voice. Rosie found her lips switching slightly in their corners. When the hard opened, It was a mess of glitter, stickers, and drawings. A true arts and crafts work with an explosion of color all around the lopsided heart she cut out of the card. In the center, her bulky little words were written with clear attempt to make it formal, though her hand writing send to change direction as she went. It read: 

      “ Dear Eddie, Don’t let mommy read this.        Happy Valentine’s day to the coolest superhero ever!         Thanks for staying, and making Mommy happy.           And you make me happy! And Thursday happy!          And the doggies happy! (Yes, even doggies are happy)          You make everyone happy, and we have lots of fun together!

          I love you lots, and think you’re so cool.          Thanks for not letting the monsters get us.We protect you too!

         I want you to stay forever. Can you stay forever please? 

         P.S. Mommy likes you a lot. I like when you don’t fight.         P.P.S. Keeping secrets are super hard.

             Love you! And Goop!   - Mia   ”

Drawn on the other half of the heart was their little family, made of triangles and circles. There was Mia in the middle, a lovely rectangle and triangle with a circle head, and little triangles that marked the ears on her head and tail. Besides her Could be assumed as Thursday, made of circles and ovals, with a head full of squiggly lines much like Mia’s own picture self. Mia’s doodle held onto a much larger catlike person, made of circles and triangles that made both her body and cat features. Rosie stood on one side, while on the other, holding onto the Thursday doodle, was the large Dorito-bodied persona that was Eddie. He was composed of bulbous circles and rectangles that make his arms and legs, towering above the rest of the family, with a triangle knife in his stick figure hand. Of course, complete with the dogs on the side, tied together with hearts, and dead bodies of green skinned zombies all around. And the family crudely colored in color pencil to complete the master piece.  “ What does it say?” All Rosie could see was the picture, her brows quirked curiously at the long paragraph her daughter had written, but Mia would not have it as she hopped in between the two and pushed for Rosie to read her own. 

Off in the corner, 6 year old Thursday stood quietly, bashful of the two cards he had in hand. They were not as elaborate as Mia’s… he couldn’t draw like her.  His handwriting was still shaky and in the works.. and worst of all, he decorated his cards with the flowers he picked from outside. Boys dont pick flowers.. men don’t like flowers.. He chided himself and felt the need to sulk away in embarrassment. Eddie would laugh at his card..He was about ready to crumble his creations, up until his mother noted her silent son hiding behind the wall.“ Honey, do you have cards too? What are you doing over there?” Rosie looked at him expectantly, smiling affectionately as she waited for her youngest to come over.. Thursday was startled that she mentioned him. A fearful feeling rose in him suddenly, a horrible ache in his muscles that didn’t let him move. The little boy felt his stomach drop under the eye of both adults, his face growing hot that showed blatantly on his pale freckled face. With wide eyes, he found himself frozen like a deer as they all turned to look at him. Especially Eddie… The light look became concern from Rosie when she noted the fearful shake that overtook her young son. How his breathing changed.. and his body shook like a leaf with the signs of tears that already threatened to fall. Rosie was quick to stand and hurry over to him , but by then he had already taken cover behind the kitchen wall and curled up. The two had vanished for a time.. Thursday whimpering and crying, Rosie’s hushed voice quietly soothing, until they both could talk low enough to not be heard. Mia frowned a bit as the attention was taken away from her card but she turned her attention to Eddie with a shrug of her shoulders. “ Sometimes, Thursday can be so weird. I can never tell why he suddenly cries..”

Rosie emerged once again with her son after a few minutes had passed, holding him in front of her, while Thursday timidly held his card desperately behind his back. His mother already had her pink card in hand, and smiled  gently as she ushered him towards where Eddie sat, “ He made you a card, Eddie. But he think you won’t like it because it has flowers. Isn’t that silly? Everyone likes flowers, right?”Thursday seemed to shrivel even more the closer he came. The boy dropped his head as he grew even smaller than he already was before his idol, stricken with fear that couldn’t make him stop his shaking. Rosie pursed her lips, and looked at Eddie expectantly for some comfort for her son. Her eyes expressed her desperate plead that he say something to encourage Thursday. As they stopped , Rosie knelt down and gently tapped on Thursday’s arms to bring them forward. From his mother’s touch, he nearly recoiled. Rosie grew more worried than before as she carefully put her arms around him, “ Thursday, please.. You didn’t work hard on it just for Mr.Eddie not to see it, did you? ” “ He won’t like it..”“You won’t know that unless he sees it. And I don’t believe he thinks flowers are bad, baby.. It looks so pretty. I bet he’ll keep it forever.”

Her assurance seemed to work to some extent. Thursday raised his head up just enough to look at his mother, and Rosie gave him a nod in return. He felt fragile and pathetic.. more than normal as he was put on the spot. But Rosie was right.. he wouldn’t know unless he tried. If Eddie liked Mia’s.. then he could like his own, right? Right. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and mustered all the courage he had in his little body to will his arms forward, to offer the black card of hearts.    “.. I-I hope y-you like it.. “

Yes, it was simple. It was not like Mia’s , who’s card looked like a rainbow threw up all over it with her abundance of stickers, glitter, and drawings that made it up. No, Thursday kept his card simple and clean. To the true nature of a fan, he kept it black and white themed, having written in chalk ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on the cover with each letter a struggle to keep at the same size, and decorated the outside with an array of little flower blooms from lavender to yellow. Inside were drawings much like Mia’s, however oriented around action as ‘Venom’ kicked Zombie ass and protected them all. His text was much simpler, and expressed all he wanted Eddie to know :

    “ You’re my favorite Hero.        You make me happy. Please dont go.

       I love you.” 

Just like Mia’s, Rosie had taken the hint enough not to look.. Perhaps she’ll glance in later when the kids sleep. Satisfied with the scene, Rosie sat down on the couch, and pulled both her little ones into the seat besides her before once more reaching in to pull out a silver bag for them all.The Jackpot: Half melted hershey’s kisses. 

The sight of chocolate drew both the children’s attention onto the crinkling bag with slack jaws gaping. Chocolate had not been seen.. in months. almost  a year? Not edible chocolate at least. The fact that they let out audible gasps of excitement was enough to earn a rare titter of laughter from Rosie as she grinned,

“ I say since we passed out the cards, its about time we get into the chocolate.Dessert before dinner sounds good.

Anyone disagree? ”

There was not a word of protest from the children as golden smiles lit up across their faces. This would be a good Valentine’s day..

Even with their new friend.

[invisible-allover-blog]

creative writing

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

"Too many bongs" silly bastard.

So it started when i was around 15 my cousin was living with me and my Dad, he smoked pot, so did my aunty but ill get into that in a bit. I used to sneak into my cousins room and look for crumbs of weed in his draws if i found some i would scarpe them up run into my room and roll a joint. And then off too school i went. I was on the bus right (thought i was super stoned) smelt more like tobacco but oh well i was just getting into it. I packed myself a tin of baked beens and some other garbage thought it was hilarious and sat next to a girl from highschool and giggled the whole was. That was loads of fun. Serously, it was dont mind my monotone like writing im just not in the descriptive mood you know. It gets like that after too many trips. So off on the gateway heaven to drugs (not good, dont condone. sarcasm) And then my favourite cousin, the on i grew up with just around the corner from me and i would sneak into my aunties room and scuffle around ooking for scrapings of weed on the ground we got high all the bloody time and i dont regret that for a second.. i regret it for a lot more. Im starting to feel depressed brb having some valium. I needed to take the edge off. Its unfortunate weed does that to some people. Im starting to really question the war on drugs, and wheres the fucking happy pill? I remember one time me and some of my old friends "were out the back" (where we would smoke bongs) saw her dog eat a whole lizard we cracked up so fucking hard. She literally dug it out of the ground. Its funny being a teenager and thinking your being all stealth mode while your parents know exactly what your doing. We had this weird ongoing joke that we were gagging and spewing after bongs just to see who would actually spew from it. it was hilarious. I wont write about all of that.

"a Fucking cigarette" for fuck sake.

so it all started when i was 18 i began to lose my mind. I walked outside and saw the moon beaming. i looked up to the stars and wondered if i was alone. Were there aliens above me? was i sent from above. "clearly i was delusion, says the nagging voice in my head. But i was so filled with wonder, i felt wonderful. This was after smoking a cigarette.. benson and hedges ofcourse. I felt as if i was on a trip. I didnt know whether or not there was drugs in me but looking back its okay. It was a memory... a thought maybe i should get Mr Burns with radiation poising tattood on my overly big calves. Hmm probably not. So, that was my first paranoid delusion which in retrospect is a conspiracy that many people have delved into in he past and havent given up on themselves. but was it heresay for them and experience for us? Thats the question that was just on my mind, Hmm. I was told not long after my eighteenth birthday that i was not going to "make it in life" because i hadnt been to university or finished highschool. So off in an ambulance to the nuthouse i went. Because of PSTD i wont go into it, but i will say this; dont give up before youve really understood yourself and the world. dont giv up ever. Suicide, delusions, conspiracys are memories adventures and i didnt line that up perfectly but look life is life, and there aint nothing better than that. Life is an awfully big adventure. Peter pan quote, flipped on its head for ya.

"Lulu" my baby pup.

So itd been a long hard 3 months in hospital, i had just gone through another mental beating off of the nurses. One of them pulled my hair. Cunt. In his defence i spat a pill at him cause i was sick of being over drugged. Valium, seroquel, clopixal, flouxitine, clozapine. and many acufazes... they inject the violent patients with it. I couldnt help it id gotten into my first cat fight and enjoyed it a little too much. They locked me in there and then wouldnt let me go to the toilet. So i pissed on there motherfucking floor. "Ha!" had to clean that one up didnt ya hospital. It was really in humane the way they wre treating people honestly its like american horror story back there, where the people never get out. I had a vivid dream that someone was going to kill me. i wasnt wrong they literally dressed up in all black and came for me. i woke up and remembered the one thing my ex told me "i hope you scream" and so i did and he/she ran away i had suspicions that the black hooded figure crept into the medicine room... the room noone ever walked in or out of? Hmm. i wnder what they are hiding. another DREAM i was having was that there were homeless people hiding in the bushes outside of concord waiting to kill. i guess they chose to see red. idiots. Its been a long 10 years discovering the world isnt all rainbows and butterflies. And im over the hospital trying to cover there arses. be gone with it, they are using it as a prison now, trust me. I saw the badges. I was let go, thank fuck for that. My dogs barking madly outside. PRobably seing things pretty sure my dog sees dead people "haha" or possibly shes seeing things in time. I do believe its possible but what it is is a delay in the workings of the universe. Dont tell me that i know theres time differences. I didnt go to uni to have to see to believe. Thre was a woman that was pregnant in there, she smeared shit all over the walls so im guessing she never even got let out to do that. WHAT THE FUCK! SERIOUSLY! I guess the toughst people do go through the toughest battles. Im an aussie battler. ive never used that one before, that saying i mean. i really hope my first love doesnt end his life. Same with my most recent ex he just got out of a relationship with me and went straight back to his first love, and to me thats okay. Its good, im glad. I was going to hold him back ya know? i really was he had money and everything. Thats another thing the test of time has taught me. Love and let go. Wow it just dawned on me that the saying if you love something let it go... wait im changing that if you love someone let them go, and if they go and dont come back theyve moved on positively or negatively. I cant help falling inlove with the feeling of love over and over again. He told me he was going to marry me, were just kids. I wonder if ill ever find someone to love me again. I thought i was depressed and broken hearted. and i really was, i couldnt eat i couldnt sleep i couldnt speak.

"whinging again" the fucking hospital Theyve taken so much blood off of me its unbelievable, okay done whinging.

"sex" here we go. i havent had sex in so long, it feels like years. I cant help that my thing is to make love and really connect on that level where your both in it. really enjoying it.

"by the way" the man that stalked and preyed on kids is locked in a basement getting the shit beaten out of him. I think maybe torture is enough. lay him to rest.

[cromulentbookreview]

Silky Cinnamon

OR: Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor!

I'm not a winner. In fact I'm what is commonly referred to as a loser. I do not win things, even when it’s an award that I actually earned. Yeah I haven’t  forgotten how I never got that German Student of the Month award even though I had the highest grades in the class and they wouldn’t give it to me because I didn’t have “the right attitude” - it’s called autism, you ableist fucks...

Uhm.

Ahem. 

Not that I’m still angry or bitter or anything.  

Anyway.

An ARC of Strange the Dreamer was the first Goodreads giveaway I ever won. For the first time I was a winner and not a loser, so eat it, high school. It was also one of the first books I reviewed here on this blog that nobody reads. It keeps me entertained, though. I absolutely loved Strange the Dreamer. It was unlike any YA fantasy that I’d ever read, and the hero? The hero is a badass librarian. Because we librarians are total badasses. It's kind of fitting that I got to read Muse of Nightmares just after getting my MLIS (Master’s in Library and Information Science for those of you much cooler than I am). Lazlo Strange is some serious librarian career goals.

Muse, like its predecessor, is beautifully written, with the occasional annoyances that comes with pretty writing: some unnecessary sentences, overwrought metaphors, directly addressing the reader - that last one is more of a personal pet peeve than legitimate criticism, I can’t stand it when writers, while writing in third person, address the reader because I’d much rather pretend like I’m not there. I don’t mind it when this is done in first person narration because, well, the narrator is telling you the story. But in third person? Don’t acknowledge me like you know I’m here. Don’t break that fourth wall! Don’t look at me, don’t look at meee!!!

Ahem. Yes, again, that’s just a personal peeve that annoys me a bit at first but if I like the story I’m reading well enough I get over it pretty quick (as in it annoys me slightly the first time, but then I forget about until I have to mine for things to complain about to fill space in a review). Plus, I must emphasize that the copy of Muse I was allowed to read is a digital galley copy, not a finished one - the text might get some more revision before its October release, so some of the nitpicky complaints I have about sentence structure might not even matter. But complaining is fun, so I’ll do it anyway. After all, my official motto for all things, including this blog, is:

A funny thing I noticed throughout Muse as well as Strange is that nothing is ever soft - it’s silk. 100% pure silk. Nobody has smooth skin, it’s skin like silk. I don’t actually own anything made of real silk (what do I look like, royalty? I’ve got a library science degree), so I can’t really testify to the softness of the material, but my cat has really soft fur so I’m just going to imagine that all the silky soft things Taylor describes feel like my cat’s fur. Lots of slips and sheets made of cat fur, here. Another thing is that Sarai’s hair is never just brown, it’s cinnamon colored. She is always described as having cinnamon hair, which makes me worry that her hair will attract ants. Or somehow be rendered into snickerdoodle cookies. Now, I may not know what real silk feels like, but I do have a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that I bought to make hot toddies back when I had pharyngitis so bad I couldn’t swallow (not a pleasant experience. Lots of drool involved. The hot toddies did not help). So Sarai has hair that is exactly this color: 

Speaking of cinnamon, anyone know if cinnamon sticks have an expiration date? Asking for a friend who has a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that may or may not have pharyngitis germs all over them and now kind of wants a hot toddy...

Anyway, lots of silk, lots of cinnamon. Delicious, silky cinnamon. I really want a cinnamon latte right now. I could go and get one but it’d cost like, 5 bucks... 

Where was I?

Yes. This review. Unfortunately I am not really able to be all that eloquent about things I really, really like in a non-spoilery manner. I could gush about Muse of Nightmares all the livelong day, but in the process I’d give everything away and I don’t want to do that. Personally, I love spoilers, the more the better, but I don’t want to spoil this for anyone who, like me, has been waiting very patiently since early 2017 to learn the rest of Lazlo and Sarai’s story. I will say, though: the wait is worth it, it’s amazing, most all your questions are answered, and storylines are resolved. Taylor has stated that Strange the Dreamer and Muse of Nightmares would be a duology, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a spinoff series. Apparently, Strange and Muse are a kind-of spinoff to Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, which I haven’t read yet, but now that I know that it’s related to Strange and Muse, I absolutely must read it now. 

But, to avoid spoilers, what can you really say more than “oh yeah, I liked that book a lot!” After that? Crickets. 

Hence, the nitpicking.

Also, Taylor gets bonus points for being a fellow Oregonian. Oregon writers for the win! I may not be a real writer, but I am definitely from Oregon! I loves me my local writers, and Oregon has a ton, especially Portland. We seem to have a lot of amazing YA and genre writers, too. (The world misses you, Ursula K. Le Guin).

A word of advice, though: you're going to want to reread Strange before Muse comes out - mostly because Muse picks up right where strange left off. Like literally right there. Taylor includes a lot of sly “as you may already know" tidbits in case you forgot anything but it will definitely be worth doing a reread as a refresher. Plus, Strange The Dreamer is great, why wouldn’t you want to reread it? I mean, people have unlimited time to just sit around and read, right? And audiobooks, those are a thing, too, right?

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone fond of YA, YA Fantasy, or both. Or just anyone who likes fantasy, seriously, I’d recommend Strange and Muse to all my genre fans out there.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone allergic to cinnamon, silk, or both.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,001/5

RELEASE DATE: October 2, 2018

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SPINOFF/FURTHER BOOKS: Chhogori

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 3

Consolidating asks as to not spam dashboards. Under the cut!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 29th 2018, 3:56:00 pm · 2 days ago wanted to drop by and let you know that i've been listening to 'Fool of Me' by Meshell Ndegeocello for more than a week and it reminds me so much of the heartbreaking moment in chapter 11 when Sehun made the decision to leave Ahri behind. imnotcryingyouare. i hope they become like the song 'Cheek to Cheek' (Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald version) *hinthintwaggleseyebrowswinkwink* hope you have a lovely day <3!

AHHHH REPLIES *-* <3!!! I accept the love you’ve bestowed upon me. I shall violently love you back *SHOOTSHEARTSATYOU* dont worry, I remember the what I wrote in the recs message! I was saying that I’ve been listening to this song ‘Fool of Me’ by Meshell Ndegeocello, which reminded me so much of the end of chapter 11 when Sehun decided to leave Ahri. The heartbreak is so real T_T imnotcryingyouare. I hope they end up being like ‘Cheek to Cheek’ (Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong version)! - ma

OMG SO APPARENTLY I DIDNT DELETE IT. This is how tumblr inept I am. I thought I did. It showed that I did when I was on the computer but apparently I didn’t on mobile. WEIRD. Listening to it now! 

Both of these songs sound so similar. I feel like I’ve heard them before omg. good recs. I really like them.

Fool of Me by Meshell Ndegeocell

Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space... What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside OMG MY HEART IS BREAKING. Why do the lyrics fit so well. Right off with the first few lyrics. I’m crying. YES I AM CRYING. This was almost the same words she thought in the chapter. Was she there only to temporarily fill the void in Sehun’s heart when she felt it was for Jiyul instead. OH NOOOO.

I can't touch you no more Can't touch you any more any more And this relates to Chapter 12 a lot how she wouldn’t really look at him or touch him and this is so sad. THIS WHOLE SONG IS SO SAD but it’s so fitting to that part when he chose Jiyul over her and IT”S GOING INTO MY APT PLAYLIST.

Cheek to Cheek by Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald

THIS WHOLE SONG. Can I just say how cute it is??? This just makes me feel like I missed an opportune moment for Sehun and Ahri to dance together at the wedding??? I kind of made it so that it was Soi and Ahri dancing puahahahha. Technically, I should’ve made Sehun and Ahri dance because he tends to dance when he’s nervous about something.

Sooooo BOOOOO I MISSED THE MOMENT. BUT STILL. It’s ok hahahahah But really. This song. The beat. THE CHEEK TO CHEEK. More like forehead to forehead between the two leads. Thank you so much for the recs!!! I loved them so much and can’t wait to add them to my playlist!!

I read chapter 17 till half past 4 in the morning. I had to sleep because i needed to wake up at 9 for a gym session the next morning. But I have sleep problems so I kept waking up throughout the night and reaching for my phone to reread 17 in my sleep-induced haze and dozing off. I had to fake illness and reschedule my gym session in the end xD. I hope my trainer doesn’t see this. HAHAH even when I was half asleep, I kept thinking that I still had so much to tell you about 17!! - ma

OMG MA. WHY DID U STAY UP SO LATEEEE. NUUUUU. Also since your music anon and the abbrev is MA, I literally scream MAAAAA LOOOOL. AND OMGOSHHHH. Please rest. Please sleeeeeep. Your poor thing. i’m so sorry that the story kept waking you up. But I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and really thank you so much. I really can’t appreciate your messages enough. They make me so HAPPPPPYYYY //runs off screaming while drinking my coffeeeeeeeee//

@sehunsmile​ said to enaasteria: March 30th 2018, 11:42:00 pm · 9 hours ago ENA, ENAAAA!!!! I JUST GOT HOME AND I'M FINALLY GONNA READ CHAPTER 17. I'M SO NOT READY BUT I AM! I KNOW I'M GONNA DIE, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS CHAPTER AND GOD CHAPTER 16 ENDED SO GOOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT I'M EXCITED SO I'M GONNA READ IT NOW! SORRY FOR ALL CAPS I'M JUST TOO EXCITED AHFNJABFKSBFLSKFJDKJDFK

YASSSSS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT AND I DONT MIND CAPS LOCK AT ALLLL. IT just shows me you’re really excited and I’m excited for you to read it. Many apologies for how long it took me to write it but I hope you enjoy it. AHHHH TY FOR LIKING CH 16. I remember being really stressed over it because it was so SLOOOOOOOWWWW but yas yas. Please enjoy 17. Thank you for your patience //hearts u//

@heythereitsmo​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:12:00 am · 8 hours ago Oh when Sehun tells Ahri the story of the Keepers, I remembered you wrote a piece about it and it was just — beautiful. I cried then and I cried now because it literally took my breath away. Every chapter is so stunning Ena, every word resonates so deeply in my soul. It wasn’t always easy but they’re happy together and in love and I hope on my own stars that someone will love me the way Sehun loves Ahri — even if there are flaws and hurdles. You wrote this fabulously, love. Fantastic job.

YAS!!! You caught the merge of Keepers into Apt. This and Yua x PCY are all other stories I’m working on and I wanted to weave them into apt for continuity. I like having all my stories intertwine in some manner. It’s fun but also makes my brain want to explode when I have to make it flow right LOL. YOU’RE REALLY GUNNA MAKE ME CRY. Thank you so much for reading. I really remember you as one of the readers staying with this fic for so long. i really think it’s been years for you and I’m so grateful for your patience but also all the support you gave me. I wish you all the love and happiness and thank you for loving my characters as much as I do.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:26:00 am · 8 hours ago Okay but Sehun getting provoked by ahri’s ‘other men’ amuses me sooooo much THANK U SO MUCH FOR CH 17 I honestly needed some destressing with an overload of fluff (and that thick tension 😉😏) ☺️💕💓😚

I definitely had to throw in Ahri’s other men to lighten up the mood hahaha. JK JK. I just really love jealous sehun?? I think he’s super sweet and it’s not like he’s like the bad kind of jealousy. He’s just irked??? LOOOL. It’s cute when he’s just agitated. I really hope you love the fluff and slow burn for the kiss LOL

@shewantsmeshesgotme​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 1:35:00 am · 7 hours ago I. AM. IN. LOVE. NXKELBFKDLFNFNDNNSKDKFNFBI. I CANT EVEN FORM THOUGHTS IM SO BLOODY IN LOVE OH MY GOD ENA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!?!? You....you are some sort of a genius wizard I can’t even...I’m just broken I love this fucking story so much and YOU I LOVE YOU THANK YOU CHRIST I NEED TO SIT AND STARE AT THE CEILING FOR AN HOUR. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

LORIIIIIIIIIIIIII. THANK YOUUUUU GAHHHH. THANK YOUU SO MUCHHHH. Thank you for your help. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the screams. IM NOT A GENIUS WIZARD. YOU ARE. BUT THANK YOUUUU. Really thank you so much for reading this fic and DONT STARE AT THE CEILING. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. Now that I finished 17, I can get to reading all the fics that are sitting in my backlog and I really want to read all of yours. I really need to read The Boxer. It’s on my to do list foreverrrrrrr. hugss!!!

@yeolieminelli​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 2:25:00 am · 6 hours ago HUHUHU. Just finished Ch. 17 😭 It's beautiful. How the each traditional family story just made sense for Ahri and Sehun ❤❤❤ Thank you for writing such a beuatiful chapter for both of them. You are a great writer dear. 😁😁😁 On a side note- I was listening to an instrumental that fit so well for the last part of Sehun's surprise, it felt even more magical. I wish I could share it with you, if I discover how. 😂

YAYYYY!!! I”M SO GLAD U ENJOYED ITTT. RIGHT? I’ve had that ending in my head for 3 years now and it’s finally there. It’s finally written and can I place a pat on my back for it because I thought it was fitting for their story too. Thank you so much for your help on it and thank you for reading. What instrumental?? You can send me the title and I can look it up on YT to add to my Apt Song Rec list!!

ramblingpeaches said to enaasteria: @ramblingpeaches I CANT TAG U WHY March 31st 2018, 3:07:00 am · 5 hours ago that was such a beautiful chapter! so worth the wait- no actually way more than that! you honestly have such a way with words. your writing, your story has made me feel a bunch of emotions and you're just so so talented that i feel like i can't properly express how much i adore your writing and hope this somewhat conveys it haha. thank you for an amazing chapter, definitely made my morning! :) ♡

Thank you so much for this message! I’m so glad you thought it was worth the wait. I’m so sorry it took so long to write but I’m such a slow writer. AND I HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS. AHHHHH //SCREAMS// You’re so kind to me and this is really such a great message because it just makes all the screams worth it. AND NOOO. REALLY. You’ve done so much for me. If you read and send me a message of how you enjoyed the chapter, that really just makes my heart swell. Thank you so much for reading!!!

@yeollieollie said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 3:23:00 am · 5 hours ago Omg my heart that was the cutest thing ever why can’t that happen to meeee amazing!!!

Thank you so much for reading!! Wasn’t it??? It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever written in my entire life and I kind of don’t know what to do with myself anymore LOL.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 5:11:00 am · 3 hours ago hi chap 17 was full of fluff i literally died after reading it 💗 tq for writing such a wonderful story! :) also! how old are sehun and ahri in this story?

ANONNN. Did you know I screamed a lot while writing this chapter. I felt so bad for my followers on Twitter. They felt the main grunt of it all ahhahahaha. I almost died writing this. My heart hurt so bad from it all T_____T Thank you so much for reading and as for their ages. I heavily---HEAVILYYYY aged Sehun in this because I felt I needed his character a bit older than how he was. And since I started this fic 3 years ago, I really did age this poor boy LOL. He’s 29 and she’s 27 in the story. :)

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy 

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now