#i dont know how to articulate or describe anything!!

[avpdgirlfriend]

having a . um.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

I just saw a very interesting post about the difference between how todolf shippers look at todolf as a fantasy vs how elisatod shippers look at elisatod as a fantasy and i wanted to throw my two cents in regarding elisatod in canon, but Im feeling a lil shy so Im not reblogging it, and this is a pretty small fandom so Im sure youve already seen it or will see it if you just keep scrolling down. In case you havent, the gist of it is that for a lot of elisatod shippers (and for a lot of the people in charge of the more recent german-language productions) one of the biggest appeals of their dynamic is this idea that death doesnt love anyone except for Elisabeth which makes her special, whereas with todolf its more like. Im having a hard time summarizing it in my own words, I guess i personally would say that its literally just the inverse where todolf shippers think that death has a romantic relationship with everyone (or at least everyone who thinks a lot about death and dying) so the 'specialness' of it doesnt matter/doesnt factor into it, its basically just about their dynamic in a vacuum, but i dont think thats what the post was saying ? Whatever, we're talking about elisatod rn so it really doesnt matter

So, for me the most important thing about the love between Elisabeth and der Tod is that its pretty much unrequited until the moment she dies. Like, we have a brief moment of mutual interest when they first meet and she sings the little Wie Du reprise and (in the 1992 prod) he gives her this suggestive look after shes done, but after that its basically all him pursing her when she clearly does not want that, until Rudolf wo bist du where she is finally ready to give into him, but now he doesnt want her, and then they only really fall in mutual love when she dies and they basically have no other choice. This friction where they can never really be in mutual love because Elisabeth never wants to lose her agency or control over her life until she doesnt and tries to give it up, and Tod only "wants" her when shes clinging on to life and rejecting him, is the core of their relationship.

Now, you'll notice that i put the word 'wants' in quotes when i was talking about Tod and thats because i dont think he, as originally witten in the vienna productions, is capable of wanting anything because hes not a person, hes a reflection of the people around him and because of that, his behaviour in any given scene is determined by the context around him. I know thats kind of a clunky way of phrasing that, but I have to do describe it in such a broad and vague way because his behaviour is really not consistant. For an example of what Im talking about, in Elisabeth mach auf mein Engel, he tells Elisabeth that he loves her but hes only doing that in contrast to Franz Joseph; her husband comes up to her trying to burden her with his own problems when she's feeling bad and in need of comfort herself, meanwhile death is offering her unconditional love. Another example that I like is in Die Schatten werden länger reprise, where he has to start the song because Rudolf is too paralysed by fear to articulate his feelings until he has his support

But the moment of death's behaviour being influenced by the people hes interacting with that I find the most interesting, is his introduction during the prologue where the people he's interacting with are the audience. Because during that part of the song, hes essentially playing into the audience's expectation that Elisabeth and death will be a traditional soft tragic romance, hes talking about her in a very gentle and wistful way and in way that subtly implies that she was the only person he ever loved, but then during the actual story, hes treating her very aggressively and their relationship is honestly pretty unpleasant, and we can clearly see that she was not the only person he ever loved because his and Rudolf's relationship is just as intense in a similar overtly romantic way (and arguably more so because its mutual and requited). But then obviously we got Kein Kommen ohne Gehen which essentially contradicts all of this and severely clashes with the entire rest of the elisatod relatio ship, but its late and if i start complaining about that, Im gonna add another 2 paragraphs to this post

So yeah, these are some of my thoughts about elisatod, i have a lot more but its 2am and i just soent two hours writing this and I can feel my brain turn into mush, so yeabh. please let me know what you think

[adventures-in-teyvat]

alright everyone hear me out. they would be the most autistic power couple

first of all, they simply would not piss each other off. i rest my case

jk i have more shit to spew. they have so much in common it’s insane—the autism runs rampant through their veins

they would just fucking get each other you know ?? i cant stop thinking about how lynette literally uses “robotic” language to describe her energy levels and sometimes even fucking pretends she’s a puppet or doesnt deny rumors about that because it helps her avoid social interaction. her idea of a good time is recharging by petting cats and drinking tea. like holy autism

kuni would probably think she’s chill and maybe the least annoying person he’s ever met because she just minds her business, speaks with honesty, does not engage in small talk, and generally doesnt give a shit what he thinks. and that’s kind of really amazing for him because that means he doesnt have to put on a show. she’s not concerned with offending him, and she pretty much doesn’t ever take offense at things he says, so he neither has to worry about his words nor her perception of him.

they can sit and do nothing together. they can drink bitter tea and say nothing and pet cats and be content while he works on his thesis. they dont assume anything unspoken, they communicate if they want to say something, they dont have to worry about mysterious underlying social rules with each other, they dont have to sugarcoat anything.

basically what im trying to say is they share a brain cell

both concerned with protection, afraid of losing people/harm coming to their loved ones

lynette is incredibly strong and resilient, but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a victim, and the people who know what happened to her (like lyney) (and in this hc, wanderer :3) would protect her so fiercely like aaaa idk if it’s just me projecting but i just really love the idea of them clinging to each other because they are so desperate to protect each other and aauauauayau heheaheheahah the angst

they might (MIGHT, im stretching but hear me out) know each other/have heard of each other because fatui (i think at the very least lynette would have certainly known about scaramouche as a harbinger, and it’s not too likely he’d have heard about her specifically, but he would probably be aware that the knave is the “father” of the house of hearth, so he’d be familiar with her affiliation in that way)

so anyways all i can think about lately is them growing close to each other and then being basically telepathic

like they just know how the other is feeling at any time and since they share many of the same feelings about people and socializing, they would just get each other and know what the other needs like AAAH I CANT FUCKING ARTICULATE WHAT I MEAN EXACTLY AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING I JUST. I THINK THEY WOULD UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AND. YEAH. FUCK

also theyre cats🔊🔊🔊🔊

[queerautism]

ugh sorry to rant in your inbox but im going insane when reading trans discourse these days. idk how to articulate this but i dont think people think afabs are as capable of complex thought as amabs.

trans spaces or cis spaces, it feels like theres no place where afabs can be treated seriously or as capable of being able to handle nuanced conversations. in cis spaces, this is obvious with cis men being outwardly misogynistic towards ciswomen/afabs. but ive seen too many posts in trans spaces about transfem issues where people are in the notes are saying that "the tmes would have a meltdown over this" and its like. really? are we really doing this? yes, there is a massive problem of afabs minimizing and derailing posts about transfem issues and this is disgusting and undoubtedly transphobic and transmisogynistic. but ive seen so many posts where a transmasc is talking abt the issues they face as a transmasc and people in the notes are talking about how transfems have it worse. these comments go absolutely unquestioned even though they're derailing the post and minimizing the transmasc issues brought up in it. i hardly ever hear anyone talking about how transfems dont know the struggles of being afab (other than the terves, but they always go after the wrong points and have bad faith takes, natch). an afab will NEVER know the horrors of being a transfem in the transmisogynistic world we live in, but neither would an amab ever know what it's like to be transmasc. but transfems are treated as being capable of understanding all issues (transfem AND transmasc AND misogyny towards ciswomen) while transmascs are treated as being unable to understand ANYTHING, even their own struggles.

its really annoying how any attempt by transmascs to find a word to describe their unique struggles or experiences get shot down as either transmascs trying to coopt transfem culture or trying to say that men in general are oppressed. transmascs are told that their struggles are not unique and are "just" misogyny and "just" transphobia so they dont need a word for their experiences. which really fucking sucks.

and im NOT pointing the finger at transfems for this at all. im not mad at transfems. ive seen just as many transmascs say and do these things as transfems. this is NOT a transfem vs transmasc issue. this is just something ive noticed in my time scrolling online that im very very sick of.

I think most trans people know we all have it really hard, in sometimes similar and sometimes different ways, and would rather unite in solidarity. These are just loud assholes looking for a justified target, as usual. It fucking sucks to deal with but remembering that helps me tbh

[ashlynbannerofficial]

How do you feel about each one of your friends individually? Like opinions and such. Tyler answered this earlier and I think it would be interesting to hear different responses as well as his :)

ah well

im not the best at articulating my emotions but i can try

taylor is really sweet, and i love her so much. she puts in the effort to make sure my voice is heard despite how quiet i am and it really means alot to me. i appreciate her a lot

i love talking with logan, hes very well articulated and i feel like he just is a genuinely good person i want to surround myself with. i admire him, actually

i feel safe with ben. i feel like i can be my real self around him and he will have that persons back no matter what. i think hes an amazing person and i want to be better friends with him, but sometimes i get nervous about interacting with him

tyler is harder to explain. i give him a lot of shit for a lot of different things, but its not like i dont care about him. i do, i really do. i admire his work ethic and hes much more responsible and down to earth than i initially thought. he loves his family more than anything, and above all he has my respect for that. even though sometimes i want to pull his hair out, i am loyal to tyler

i guess that leaves aiden-

i dont know how to describe how i feel about aiden.

i know i trust aiden. i trust him with more than i should. trying to describe how i feel about him is like describing sunsets. i like sunsets, i like to go outside and sit in their presence, feeling the fading warmth on my skin. i feel safe in the dimming light. and sometimes i get scared after the sunset leaves, like i wont see it again. it makes me sad. but i always know that no matter what the sunset will return tomorrow, just as beautiful as it always is.

aiden reminds me of a sunset, i guess

[bitchslapblastoids]

"i definitely don't think someone is morally reprehensible because they....posted about sex on their....own twitter account? "

i dont either! :) i do it all the time. maybe if you actually looked into what i told u and u saw the multiple teens who showed proof of berry talking about smut with them one on one we'd be on the same page? or are all of us here incapable of hearing something that challenges a topic we feel personally touched by for some reason??

rps spaces should never be safe spaces for people who cannot act appropriately to minors. i feel like we should all know this by now? but i'm "salty" for believing what has been shown and admitted to. why are we defending someone like that hm?

I really don’t feel great about having this conversation about a specific user on such a public platform, so I do wish you would just dm me tbh. But I also don’t want you to feel like I’m dodging or cherry picking your points.

I have made it clear every time I’ve spoken on this that I do not think it is okay for adults to be directly engaging with teens about sexual content. In everything I have seen about this specific situation, I haven’t once seen anything about this user directly talking to minors about smut. If true, that is certainly not okay. But I did just go scan through twitter again, because obviously this isn’t something I want to be talking out of my ass about, and I couldn’t find anything that aligns with what you are describing. If I’m mistaken, I will eat my words for mischaracterizing this situation and I sincerely apologize.

I will maintain that how I saw the situation play out, it was first a mad rush to “protect Dan and Phil and don’t scare them off again by talking about sex” with all the typical rhetoric of that argument, which, okay. And then it seemed like people tried to retroactively up the stakes, which is when what I saw as a bad-faith argument was introduced, which was the implication that this user was deliberately putting explicit content in front of young people, behaving as a groomer, etc. And then people ran with that.

I agree that rps spaces shouldn’t be safe spaces for people to act inappropriately towards minors. I would hope nothing I have said implies that I think that kind of direct interaction would be okay. But I don’t think a person online should be held responsible for tracking their own audience’s age demographics nor tailoring their content for an all-ages audience.

And to be frank at the risk of being misconstrued, I don’t think minors simply following accounts that talk about sex is actually all that scary? Many teens engage with sex irl, and they engage with sexual content online. That’s just a fact. I don’t think they should be encountering sexual content unknowingly, and I don’t think adults should be engaging with them sexually, obviously. But I don’t think them reading it on their own terms (which I’d say following an 18+ account is) is particularly problematic. If I were to find that problematic, I think it’d be hypocritical of me to support d&p, for reasons I’ve already explained. Hopefully I articulated that well enough, as I know that can be a controversial opinion. I hope we can put this to rest and that if you’d like to continue talking, you message me?

[doll-elvis]

I AGREE SO MUCH ABOUT CHILD BRIDE. i went into it knowing nothing about the author, and in the forward shes really emphasizing how crazily obsessed she was with priscilla so i guess i was expecting it to be a sympathetic view of her😭 definitely not. what is suzzanes problem dear lord. shes so convinced and desperate to tell you that priscilla was some evil teenaged succubus out for rockstar blood. jesus christ. like girl even if she actually was who gives a shit????? same goes for currie grant. i dont care if he showed the author concrete evidence on a golden platter that he was telling the truth. hes just such an obvious sleazeball. just disgusting……. and she dedicates like 300 chapters to him saying over and over again that he fucked 14yo priscilla and that she was into it. babe they couldve had a steamy decade-long affair and NOBODY would care because he is literally just some random creep ass loser 13 years older than her. and when it comes to his attempted rape of her hes literally like “no i didnt try to rape her i just [decribes attempting to rape her]”. i really dont know suzzanes backstory but she is insane.

but uh. anyways that aside i did enjoy parts of the book for the more in depth view of the story. like suzzanne has such intense bias that really shows throughout but even with that it was still a great way to understand some of the situations a little better… i wish elvis and me was a little more detailed but i can appreciate how and why it is. and i am strangely curious about the actual nature of priscilla and curries relationship (i dont think they ever had consensual sex but i do believe he attacked her before elvis left germany and that leaves me curious as to why she still hung around him afterwards... i.e. those pictures of her to send to elvis that he took)

sorry for the huge wall of text im just.... very .. intrigued? by the book? its just so bizarre and raises a lot of questions lol.

“Currie’s like “No I didn’t try to r*pe her I just [describes atttempting to r*pe her]”

YES THANK YOU!!

if I could, in my own words, summarize the transcript of the conversation between Priscilla & Currie it would be this ⬇️

Currie: I didn’t r*pe you

Priscilla: You forced yourself on me

Currie: I didn’t force anything, you just weren’t into it

Priscilla: So you didn’t try to kiss me?

Currie: Well yeah I was trying to kiss you, you just wouldn’t kiss me back. You were very cold

again that was just my own words so not the actual transcript but that is exactly what I got out of that conversation- which is Currie denying he forced anything on her while simultaneously describing just how unresponsive she was to his advances, so THANK YOU for articulating that perfectly

He is an absolute sleaze-ball as you said, and clearly did not realize he was incriminating himself throughout that whole exchange

like even if Currie’s version of the events were true (I highly doubt it), he still committed statutory r*pe. Perhaps Suzanne and him don’t understand the age of consent but a fourteen year old girl cannot consent to intercourse, so anything he may or may not have actually done to her is still R*PE, whether she seemed willing or not. I’m completely abhorred that a biographer would give a man like that such a large platform and not only that, but agree/go with the story he tells- I’m sickened by it

and god, his reasoning as to why he wouldn’t need to r*pe Priscilla is just the most insane thing I’ve ever read ⬇️

“I had at least ten girls that I could call any night and go have sex with them,” countered Currie. “I’m not bragging—at least ten. I didn’t need to rape anybody ”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

okay like?? Ted Bundy had a longtime girlfriend and yet he still went out and s*xually assaulted and murdered women… what’s your point, Currie?

what also bothers me is that Suzanne Finstad is sitting on the full audio tapes of that conversation between Priscilla and Currie, and knowing her history of misquoting people and writing things that don’t line up with other testimonies, I wouldn’t be surprised in the very least if parts of that tape have been conveniently left out, or transcribed wrong, as she converted it from audio to text

like the whole 1961 photoshoot, as you mentioned, is something that I just wish I could hear Priscilla explain for herself

Priscilla Presley and Currie Grant in 1961

It does raise the question if what she said transpired was true why would she ever want to be alone with Currie again, and better yet, why would Elvis willingly put her in a situation like that?

Especially when he was aware of the attempted r*pe ⬇️

MARTY LACKER: “There was a guy who used to bring Priscilla around to Elvis’s house some, over there in Germany. He would take her home to her parents’ place, and then he’d go back to the barracks. Well, he was a scumbag. He was using cute little girls to get into the house, to be around Elvis. And he tried to put the make on Priscilla one night when he took her home. She says in her book that he tried to rape her. But he didn’t succeed. Elvis told us about it, himself”

excerpt is from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash

The only explanation in my mind that makes sense is that perhaps Currie Grant was Elvis’ only remaining contact in Germany- or at least the only person in contact with Priscilla- and since he was so desperate to see her again, maybe thought that the reward outweighed the risk

And obviously a 15-year-old Priscilla was still reeling over him leaving Germany and would likely agree to anything to please him…plus since it was Elvis who asked Currie to take the photos, maybe she thought if Elvis trusted him to do that, she could trust him as well ?

And although I doubt she intended too, Suzanne inadvertently said something similar when trying to do one of those logical fallacies that she does throughout the duration of “Child Bride” ⬇️

“Priscilla, despite her claim that Currie tried to rape her, was thrilled to oblige, “desperate” for word from Elvis, through Currie”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

I feel like Suzanne is basically answering the dilemma herself despite her attempt to point out the inconsistency in Priscilla’s behavior (her being afraid of Currie, but also being around him)

Priscilla was willing to be photographed by her attempted assaulter as she was desperate for contact from Elvis and Currie just happened to be that link between them

and I have to say, my original response to the ask that I received about “Child Bride” was something that I was worried about posting as many of the more passionate anti-Priscilla crowd tend to treat it like it’s their Bible but WHEW- I am beyond relieved that so many people have also seen just how outrageous that book is, especially the narrative that Suzanne Finstad goes with- like as you said, trying to make a fourteen-year-old Priscilla out to be some “teenaged succubus” LMAOOO (that took me out 💀)

I honestly consider myself to be Priscilla-neutral despite what some people assume of me based on some my posts 🤧 and so because of that, I am very open to reading and discussing the valid criticisms against her HOWEVER- I have no time in my day to take someone like Currie Grant seriously so that is why the first half of “Child Bride” (chapters about Germany and what fourteen-year-old Priscilla may or may not have done) are just what ruin the whole book for me

And it’s a shame because again, there are some very valid things that Suzanne points out about Priscilla, especially the things that were left out of “Elvis and me”; like her inconsistencies in recalling certain events, her sometimes questionable character (treatment of others), her possible greed (suing and more suing) and the biggest one to me- her involvement in Scientology… but all of that is just dampered by Suzanne’s god awful commentary and god awful judgement

also girl please do not apologize for sending this in- I sincerely thank you for adding to the conversation about this book as I think these kinds of discussions are so beneficial and I’m just truly grateful to be able to have them with y’all- I’ve fr learned so much from your guys’ insight

and since there is such a surplus of information about Elvis (and Priscilla), I feel like the best way to navigate through it all is by breaking it down like this, and so if y’all ever want to talk about another book feel free to send in your thoughts <3!!!

[angelthingy]

hiii so queer discourse post ahead!! im sorry if i say anything wrong please correct me if i do!! also pls read to the end if you would like to comment because its very much a "stream of thought" kinda post so i go through a few opinions before settling on anything-

saw an argument under a poll recently about how detransitioners who hadnt gone through any sort of medical transition shouldnt be allowed to call themselves trans if they had reverted to a gender that matches with their assigned sex and. honestly i feel like this is one of those admittedly rare moments where i dont really know what opinion to take? i mean i do believe that a detransitioners experience is unique so its entirely reasonable for them to identity more with a trans experience but- relating to what the argument was about- should someone born a woman be able to call themselves a trans woman if they had briefly thought they were trans then. changed their mind before having taken any steps to transition? i really really really!!! dont want to gatekeep identities, its just as people pointed out, being TOO accepting can just open up a loophope for ppl with umm. other intentions, such as chasers - which is, not that great? im just bringing this up because admittedly part of me is worried about both of these positions- one seems really gatekeepy but could also be helpful in allowing trans ppl to have a term to describe specifically themselves; while the other kind of means that the uniqueness of a trans experience is taken away if ppl can say they're trans without having ever transitioned or facing any of the experiences of trans people (dont wanna say issues because defining trans ppl by the issues they face isnt that helpful, though yes obviously those as well)

after having written this out i partially think i may have been influenced by conformity tbh (whoaa psychology reference) because like. the VAST!!! majority of the notes in that poll was that they shouldnt call themselves trans but while im here typing this out im finding myself disagreeing with that position more than not- like ultimately i feel like people should be able to use whatever labels they think fits for them as long as its genuine to their feelings at that moment, and in the cases where they're using them harmfully/disingenuously then thats like. the exception and not the rule- right?

anyway i just wanted to talk about this because talking about things helps me articulate my thoughts!! i guess i did actually end up coming to a conclusion with what i believe in the end so it worked, yippee! but if anyone wants to discuss this please feel free because i am interested in other opinions, especially those which come from experience :D

[c0rpseductor]

bitching and moaning post

i know the satanic panic was completely nuts and that nothing that was alleged in it actually happened in any way. i still hate seeing it mentioned so much bc so many people will bring up fucking false memory syndrome foundation talking points in response, like "they implanted false memories in kids to make them say this shit, remember that it's what happens to everyone who says they had a 'repressed memory' and that's always how they 'retrieve' these things in therapy, DID came out of the satanic panic and it's not a real diagnosis and the people who claim to suffer from it...uhhh idk made it up for attention and weren't really abused i guess!"

it's so fucking exhausting. i know i shouldnt have looked in the tags of that post and it's my own fault for upsetting myself. i just wish people wouldn't say shit like this. i hate feeling like nobody would believe me about what abuse i suffered in my family just because i had such difficulty with recall. like yes it is possible to forget parts of a trauma and still have it affect you that's why it's part of the diagnostic criteria for fucking ptsd. not everyone who claims to have forgotten something is making shit up or talking about like. remembering things bc of fucking hypnosis therapy. when i was in therapy most of what happened was me describing fucking actual abuse that was happening in my family right then and having nobody give a shit bc Kids Are Dramatic. nobody was trying to make me think i was abused because nobody listened to me about the abuse i was even able to articulate was happening.

and like. saying DID was fucking invented by the satanic panic isn't even fucking Accurate, but i'm just so exhausted of hearing it anyway. like ok so clearly the reason ive had all these symptoms since i was very young before i even understood DID was not "for television" (bc i legitimately thought it was like, a fictional parody of schizophrenia) is because um. ?????. yeah. no youre right when things happen to me i should definitely accept that i can't tell what they are and listen to the people who tell me that i'm stupid and nobody has ever abused me and that i can't ever trust anything i remember. you guys definitely have my best interests at heart. my dad was innocent! it was all a sexual fantasy just like freud said! nice men would never do those things! like. ugh. i just hate it i hate that i doubted myself all my life and felt so miserable going through abuse alone and being gaslit and people are STILL FUCKING DOING THE GASLIGHTING!!!!! bc they dont like. know what actually happened during the satanic panic and think loftus was right. everyone who was involved in the false memory syndrome foundation should be shot.

like. i dont want to question myself anymore. i dont want my first thought whenever i have flashbacks or get upset to be "i'm making this up. if i remember something bad it was imaginary, because nobody can forget and remember something bad. it must be satanic panic pseudoscience, somehow." why do some people think they're doing a service to survivors when they trot this shit out. idk.

i know it happened. long after i began remembering stuff my mom has alluded to my dad doing the exact same things to her, having the exact same attitudes and patterns and everything, and i think the only reason i remember anything more violent than she reports is because he understood i was forgetting things and could get away with doing stuff to me that he couldn't with somebody who would remember it. like, everything i remember is horrible, but it makes complete sense and is totally possible and doesn't contradict anything about like...my parents or my life before i began remembering or just basic things like "can someone physically do this." like my dad wasnt an evil cult wizard he was just a normal thug and rapist. idk. i just really did not need to expose myself to this stuff and it's my fault i did but. ughhh

[thousandyearphantombunker]

(this is a vent and I get nasty so possibly don't read)I've got no idea as to why this has become a thing recently or how to properly articulate myself rn but here I go: When I analyze characters I don't just look at how their actions are framed, i take off the frame. I take off the edgy and dramatic lighting and the very emotionally charged/biased language, the edgy outfit they got put in and I look at what they actually did what actually happened, i look at their actions alone (well not alone I still need context) and that has me being labelled media illiterate. 'the story said they where a bad guy! Look at how they are being framed! Look at what language they used to describe them! The story is telling you they are bad' and like I know that, I know im supposed hate them but when I look at there actual actions and what they've done without the frame they aren't that evil to me, i know what im being told but i dont buy it because once you get past very loaded word choices and the unflattering picture the creator used... They aren't doing anything bad in the photo, it's just at a bad angle. when you replace the emotional language and make it more neutral language (without changing the story) and you can see plain as day that.

King magnifico wasn't a villain, he's just an asshole with emotional issues, Ironwood while a villain was being demonized for the wrong reasons, he was facing an ethical dilemma alongside team rwby no matter what the show did neither side was 'right' nobody was gonna come out of that shit smelling like roses no matter if you were pro ironwood or pro rwby (maybe the writers could've learned something from ever after high about these sorts of situations you know the show for little girls handled shit like this better) and belos and the collector feel very contradictory? Like very different people each time we got some development from them. The fans who got excited over the idea these two where more complex than story states weren't being stupid, they saw the compelling ideas and interesting contradictions and got excited, and if I like a character that's supposed to a hate sink maybe I'm not stupid maybe the show didn't do its job right, maybe I don't want the writer to hold my hand maybe I want them to explain the story better and maybe I don't wanna do wikipedia homework to understand the show.

Fellas is it a sign of media iliteracy to not take the story at face value and eat what we are being fed without looking to see the ingredients or if its properly cooked? I genuinely got convinced by the owl house fandom that I was stupid for having complaints that I was clearly incapable of the higher thinking required to understand the story and if I didn't like it I clearly wasn't analyzing things deeply enough but when I did analyze the story deeper I found even more issues, my problems originally where with the coven system, coven heads, Darius and Eberwolf turning out to be secret rebels and the fact luz and hexside broke a major law with zero repressions and that Belos's plan was weak, analyzing deeper made me realize the magic system was weak and while i had massive issues with the finale already (fuck the dream sequence light glyph nonsense, and i hated the titan reveal because of the chosen one nonsense especially the titan saying he did make philip's life harder on purpose- which made the fact that he. Still discovered the glyphs impressive) i said I could still watch the show pre finale but after looking deeper I noticed the 'us vs them' mentality was through out the show - not just the finale i didn't like that philip's complexity got erased or that Luz was a chosen one and again i fucking hated the dream sequence, the light glyph nonsense was confusing, (that also helped me realize if the magic system got developed more maybe they could've introduced a mechanic that explained that shit) i also hated that the principal at luz's school was framed so badly- I'm autistic im latina i am a lesbian- im not an ableist racist homophobe- i would've demanded Luz get in school expulsion, and if she got into another incident that she go to summer school, and do community service or i would press charges- still a pretty light punishment but God he was not a bad guy I only saw that problem in the finale when I was told I was dumb I decided to try and reanalyze the show again and came out with an even more negative opinion

Maybe instead of insulting people's intelligence and acting condescending you can just say 'well if you look at the story from my perspective' and share why you think what you think because I do see the appeal of belos's ending and death I do see the appeal of this show- or another here's another idea just agree to disagree and not act high and mighty calling everyone who disagrees a nitpicker a 'stupid Steven universe fan' or lily orchard simp but no Doug walker having a mostly positive opinion of this show while still sharing his minor critics was a sin! I can't believe this is the fandom that made it so I defend nostalgia critics opinions- i genuinely don't like that guy but some of his critique aimed at the show is valid. I feel like this post is pretty meanspirited and I'm sorry for anyone who decides to read this tagless mess but I can't stand smugness or the idea that looking a story deeper makes you stupid. Im just salty and this is a dumb vent over old shit but God I'm pissy still.

[too-many-paper-cranes]

im going to vent some anger that i know is mostly irrational here rn. if you dont want to read that then turn back now, and please dont judge me too hard for what im going to say, but i havent been able to articulate it in a vent to any of my friends, and i just need to try to get it out, because it's lived in the back of my head for over a year now

june or july or something of 2022 was fucking awful and i remember the moment i was scrolling througb discord trying to fucking find something to take my mind off things and i clicked on some rando in hkmain's profile and their status was something along the lines of "RIP technoblade and RIP schy" and that fucking set me off. i never talked abt it, or expressed my anger to anyone else, but that made me cry so fucking hard. that was one of the trigger points but not the reason it was the amount of people i saw expressing condolences, but had only heard of schy and didn't really have a clue who they were. and it showed in a unique way you would only see in a parasocial relationship between someone who is a fan of an acquaintance of them. it feels different when you say "i lost a close friend" and someone says "im so sorry for your loss" and when you say "i lost a close friend (who was a speedrunner)" and someone who barely skimmed the leaderboard once goes "wait, schy died??? it's so horrible that the world would take such a talented person away" actually no shut the fuck up. the amount of people i saw like this over and over and over at the height of my fucking grief. do you care about the person they were? do you only care because they had a wr or something? shut up. shut up shut up shut up you didn't know them. you think you knew them because they were cool and superhuman to you but they werent and they were barely even appreciated for the person they were and they always felt that. and i am so pissed at any single thing that ever made them sad for a moment of their short life. you called them a "TAS" "WR grinding machine" or whatever the fuck but did you call them kind? caring? hardworking, smart? no the fuck you didn't because you didn't see them as a person. that's my friend you're talking about. fuck you. a few days ago someone replying to a comment i made on some other runner's channel asked me "how did he die". you don't even know their pronouns. you don't even know who they are. the video talks abt their runs but doesn't talk abt them. you learned nothing from this video and your first thought isn't "im so sorry" or to appreciate anything i said abt them as a friend but to misgender them and blatantly ask me to describe what happened. no tact, no sympathy nothing. do you have absolutely no shame? how about it's none of your fucking business? shut up. let them be a person. i asked fire to remove the comment and he did (thank you fire) but despite that little moment ending well i am still pissed and so tired. the insensitive words are gone forever but how many more will replace them now? how much more shit like this am i going to have to see? i don't want people to stop talking abt them i want them to be remembered forever and ever but not like this. this isn't what they wanted. this isn't what i want. im tired. fuck you.

[mirmidones]

orchid + mahonia + papyrus <3

hiiiiii <3 sorry im late!

orchid : what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

this is an impossible question... like perfect is such a reductive thing for a song to be... and i am very much into songs that are a little off...... however, come into the water by mitski is a perfect song <3

mahonia: what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

gonna be super basic here but: walking and music. and walking while listening to music gets me to the height of my. creativity? i guess? it just helps the flow of my thoughts. when i was writing my friend a silly booklet about him going on adventures i would keep on stopping on the way home from school to write down in my notes app ideas i just had or snippets of dialogue or a specific wording of a sentence that made me laugh. i still think those are the best funniest most ingenious parts of the booklet :')

papyrus: if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

"io sono una finestra" by grazia di michele and mauro coruzzi. oooooooh my god ok ok so it's an italian song about being trans and it means the world to me. i wish i had the words to describe how it makes me feel and why it moves me so much but i can't seem to be able to articulate anything. just. "i never know who i am, yet i am and i live". i dont know, i feel like actually it would get Canceled on here for some reason or another, like im sure there are many Problematic things about it but. i guess it just happens to capture the core of my feelings and thoughts about my gender and it is very special to me because it's in italian. because the words are in italian. sometimes something doesnt exist unless it exists in our native language. when i listen to this song i feel impossibly real.

[michaels-wifi]

DUNE MESSIAH

log entry:

Farok- 

Scytale-

Irulan- 

Edric- 

5/15/23 - It would seems like when you are in any position in power you are always going to have people who wanna see you destroyed. Scytale, Mohiam, Irulan, and Edric planning to overthrow Paul. 

I am not understanding how they arent being figured out... they said that Edric is the reason why Paul cant see them plotting against him because of something? I might have it wrong. SO far I havnt noticed or read anything bad about Paul. The conspiracy is trying to make their own Muad Diab so they can control it.. because Paul is the head guy and they have no power over him.. they see that as a problem. 

Dam... power. Power to get what ever you want. Love, money, sex, higher positions... just things going your way all the time. 

Chani.. I love her character. I am in love with her. The way she is being described in the book.. what more can a man ask for in a woman? Someone who compliments the other... (i dont know if that makes sense). 

pg 57 “ He has trees in there, you know- trees from many worlds”. ( I would love to possess many trees from different worlds one day. 

5/20/23: I still feel like I need to get better and reading deeper into these books but I try to get something out of the book and take it with me. I am enjoying this book aswell... the first was is still my favorite but the second book.. I cant hate on it. Its Good!

page 78 Paul noticing and telling everyone that he has limitations aswell is pretty cool. The most powerful “being” in the universe says “ I have limitations”

Idk that kinda remind me that Paul started off as a human being and you kinda remmber that he is still a human. 

-New word: Martyr: someone that dies for their religion/beliefs. 

Pg 81: I think this passage was very interesting and for some reason it relates in a way... something about “He tried to force himself into tranquility of many balances where he might shape a new future” 

Something about that line hits; Its hard to explain but it makes 80% sense but articulating feels very very difficult (also trying to articulating it...I dont know something says dont try.. or Ill ruin.. something)

(_ something also about being vulnerable and staying open; “my cup is never full” -keep filling up my cup). _

5/26/23

Presience 

[foster-the-moths]

I would be absolutely honored if you made art inspired by my poems. *insert blushing reaction image here*

As for my feelings on this one, on one hand, I wrote and sent it out quite quickly, so it feels rushed. I’m not sure I like how it turned out. There are a lot of things I would’ve rathered to fix about it and I feel as if I should’ve waited a bit longer. But on the other hand, and I’m not sure how much of this came across in the poem itself, it’s quite personal to me and feels, honestly, like a call out.

The narrator is. Kind of an idiot. Charcoal toothpaste is whitening, but it doesn’t work right away. It takes a long time to see results, and before then, there will be plenty of blood. And even then, whitening is cosmetic. It doesn’t fix the underlying problems. So what’s the point in trying to fix anything when there’s so much wrong with your teeth? It feels overwhelming and hopeless to begin to heal from that, especially when it means getting rid of things you’ve depended on. There’s just so much.

Beginning that healing process, scrubbing off the gunk you’ve been living in so long, is so incredibly stressful and leaves you feeling dirtier than you were before. So you go back to it. And you keep returning to your old addictions because you don’t know how to cope in a healthy way and you’re not even willing to try. Not even if it could improve the future.

So you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. Hurt yourself and everyone around you, or do what feels completely impossible. And if you fail this impossible goal? It is absolutely devastating.

It’s a lot. And that’s why I wrote it, even if I could’ve done a better job.

—Poem anon.

COOOL 👍

also personally i dont think it seems rushed and i really enjoyed it (and sometimes saying 'fuck it we ball' and posting something your not 100% satisfied with is the best way to move forward lol)

and yeah i definitely got the 'call-out' vibes bc i definitely relate to some of the themes of the poem. i've absolutely been stuck in that mindset and wasn't able to escape it for a very long time. so its. VERY relatable. and holy SHIT you are hitting the nail on the head with how you are describing it (both in this ask and in the poem itself)!!!!!! idk its like. you are very good at articulating your thoughts in prose and outside of it. if that makes sense.

and i honestly think you did a great job with this one. i really like your poems, and hearing about the process behind them is really interesting :D

[beazt]

@dywgh yes. I saw this reply and then read my post and I was like “what the fuck am I on about” bc I posted this at like midnight or whatever and did not remember writing it at all and it took a hot minute to get in the headspace to remember what the post was going to be about

but yes the irony of this being a review of reviews… I was totally oblivious….

idk I said it’d be a ramble but I actually do want to make this well-articulated at some point. but then again I may just be completely showing my own ass (in that I do not understand much outside of STEM academia. and this very much includes the meta of pop culture.)

but anyway the premise of it is. I fucking hate numeric (as in, X/10, X/5 stars, etc) reviews that are not… transparent, consistent, and nuanced. which to my standards do not exist. I guess those are the best words to describe what I’m talking about. particularly,

I want to know what went into the numerical rating that was assigned. what elements of the game were considered? quality? what elements of quality? novelty? in what areas was it novel? how do those areas of novelty stack up against other areas where it maybe isn’t so novel? Is there a bidirectional spectrum between classic and novel? is the middle area of the spectrum “bad” or neutral? or does that depend? does novelty in some areas cancel out classicness in others, or do they compliment each other? I want mind numbing amounts of detail because vague overarching categories and adjectives confuse the hell outta me. it’s the biology brain. I see everything in a taxonomic hierarchy. I wanna know what’s inside it. I will not elaborate at this time

I wanna know what those individual elements are weighted as in the semifinal ratings (such as the rating of quality/novelty) or the final/overall rating and how interconnected the individual elements are to each other, like does one element amplify another? does one element detract from another? do these overall interactions affect the overall beyond influencing each other, when considered together?

does this weighting change between different pieces of media being reviewed? is the weighting weighted by impact of each factor?

I want to pick apart reviews into the tiniest possible elements and study them. like a bug. question everything. get real philosophical about this shit probably. study the meta of reviewing media. found out how this shit ticks. And I haven’t even gotten into the part about “what makes this a 4 vs a 5” yknow?

but I KNOWWWWW even if I changed my career path to DO research in this specific area, 1) funding wouldn’t be difficult to acquire but my funding sources would likely demand a lot of control over the directions I take the research, 2) the research would take ages to get anything significant out of, when it comes to the minutia I’m interested in, 3) the research findings would 1000% be used to feed the greedy capitalist machine into writing formulas for top-rating media. reviewing would either become meaningless or it would evolve to be unfathomably (for me) different, even if just subtly different, criteria. I feel this would also either lead to a collapse of AAA game studios by everything becoming bland and predictable, or it would evolve them, as the criteria were exposed particularly in regards to novelty and how it is weighted, and AAA game studios have to decide what areas to take risks in, etc etc, im getting too deep in the weeds here to even explain the fried exploding mess that is my brain right now

and I’m not saying necessarily that this isn’t already going on to some extent. I am willing to bet that AAA game studios have proprietary formulas and research and stuff for how to make a top rating game. and that there are always upsets and uncharted territory and that really the way reviews happen are already evolving to compensate for these things.

I just dont think it’s happening on the absolutely precise scale I am interested in. especially because public reviews do Not go into that level of detail very often. if ever. even if it is, we as commoners will NEVER see that data.

and it’d also be a particularly tricky area of research (on the minute scale I am talking about) to gather and quantify data in, and that’s part of why it has intrigued me so much, it is like, throwing a pumpkin of goat meat into my research-focused problem-solving brain’s enclosure

someone remind me eventually to go on a rambler about how I feel about reviewing (as in giving a rating and commentary on the quality) media

[komoreangel]

𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 (𝐫𝐞𝐪)

pairings: scaramouche x fem!reader, childe x fem!reader

scenario: one of the fatui’s new recruits is too quick to act, and the consequences will be disastrous. 

request: Angst Idea: Scaramouche and Childe with a s/o who was killed by a new Fatui recruit, who thought she was an enemy? She isn't part of the Fatui, but she's just there to watch them

reply: i can already hear the hearts breaking,,, thank you anon :) 

scaramouche 

they told him there was no use trying to save you

some beginner mage had accidentally cursed you while trying to protect him

how were they supposed to know that it was one of the most ancient spells in all of the history of teyvat

originating from guizhong, goddess of dust

any victim of the curse would begin to break apart, and eventually they would fade away

the goddess was not cruel, and so made it a painless death

but is any death truly painless?

and so here you were, lying on a cot in his tent, withering to pieces before his eyes

"i don't want to go yet...i can't go yet."

you were gripping his shirt, tears staining your face

"there was so much i wanted to show you. the sakura forest. the..the waterfalls in jueyun."

you were practically spitting out any words you could think of, the fear overriding your ability to articulate your words

he could hear the fear in your voice

"i want to stay here, please, don't leave-"

you broke into a coughing fit

he couldn't stand seeing you like this

"i wanted things to stay like this forever. you and me."

this time he couldn't hold back his tears

this wasn't fair

what did he do to deserve this?

that was an easy question

but what did you do to deserve this?

and all because you chose to be with him

this was indirectly his fault

he clutched your head close to his chest

"i don't want to die."

your voice was barely a whisper in the wind

no, not yet

not yet

give it a minute

just one more minute

he wasn't ready

don't take her yet

he blinked back the burning in his eyes

and you were gone

the lover he had held in his arms so many times, with care that you'd think was impossible for someone like him was nothing but a memory

no body to bury

one of the medics came into the tent

"my lord, is everything alright?"

he stayed silent

he knew if he talked, his voice would break

waiting for them to leave felt like eternity

he closed the entrance and stared at your cot

as much as he wanted to he couldnt break down into tears

he hadn't experienced death before

most people usually felt sad

at least from what he'd heard

but the only thing he felt was an intense frustration

he should've been able to save you

you weren't supposed to go like that

he wanted to scream out, to shout, to kick something

should've, could've, would've

cant. couldnt.

without you he lost all regard for his own wellbeing

whether he lived or died no longer mattered

he was more reckless, and he who once looked at the world with interest, as if to see what it could give him, now gazed upon everyday life with a cold indifference

anyone could see that

it's safe to say he never loved anyone again

childe

his chest heaved up and down

he couldnt breathe

he couldnt see

it was like someone had taken a baseball bat to the world

as it fell apart like glass at his feet

you were in his arms

however, you weren't moving anymore

but that had to be impossible, right?

why would you stop moving?

it's the same as asking, why would the sun stop rising?

he was running

somewhere along the way you had stopped talking

but what had you been saying

something about...the sky

that couldn't be true, it was pitch black outside

you two had been on a date

he had come back to snezhnaya for the month

after being in liyue for days on end, it was easy to say that you missed him

he had planned the whole day out for you two

it was supposed to be perfect

'it was supposed to' isnt that what everyone says about death

wasnt supposed to, shouldnt have

they all describe it as an unfortunate accident

a mistake

and looking down at you thats what he wanted to believe in that moment

he wanted so desperately to believe he was dreaming

that any second now he'd wake up

but if life's taught him anything

it's that the world is all to fond of killing dreams

and when the ones who protected them aren't there anymore, what happens?

one of dottore's new assistants had mistaken you for an assassin when he handed you one of his knives to toy with

and as the tsaritsa trains her people to be quick and diligent...before he knew it, four daggers were sprouting from your chest

you fell into his arms, heavily breathing and your eyes focusing in and out

in the end, all it took was his bare hands

he supposed he should be appalled at that

you would've said something

he doesn't even know where he's going at this point

all his sense of reason has gone out the window, it left the moment you cried out in pain, the sound of a blade whizzing through a body all too familiar to him

the weight of what had happened suddenly too heavy, he sinks to his knees in the grass

he would pray, but to what god?

what god out there would give someone like him mercy?

it was like suddenly, the world had decided to take one of the few good things he had left

after you're gone, his family can tell that he doesn't care for anything that much anymore

he loves his family, of course he does

but simple things that used to make him smile dont anymore

some would even go so far as to say that the abyss had its hold on him again

he walks around, a husk of the person he used to be

lost in memories and broken promises

a/n: im just going to apologize because i am SO bad at writing angst like i have no clue what im doing lmao but i did try my best-

and i have one more request pending before i open them up again so <3 wooooo :D