#i dont know how i lived before but god DAMN its so wonderful to just exist and they never tell kids that

[taurgo]

They never tell you the three best parts of being an adult when you're younger:

1) you can leave any function you want, whenever.

2)you can just have a dance party in your house and play whatever, whenever. After work? Music. Shower? Music. Stressed out? Music.

3) you have the free will to do an endless number of things. Go fishing or camp overnight somewhere randomly on a limb? Only eat orange food for a week? Sign up for juggling classes? Do it.

[softbeanofexistentialcrisis]

things from the new asides ep that i dont see more of us talking about and im Insane over:

- Logan being the one to initiate this year's secret santa. why. /pos

- the implication that Remus and Janus have never been invited to one of these before

- "he's just chilling" "im chilling" "should we turn the heat up?!"

- "OH 𝓭𝓪𝓭𝓭𝔂" *chorus of acute disgust*

- Janus being brutally honest about the airfryer

- okay but mr fuzzy is incredibly cute. tell me im wrong.

- Logan: "is that all i am to you? the reading guy?" oh boy surely this isn't a statement for how he views himself now is it

- okay i know people DO talk about this but Remus's "does it make you want to scream" lives rent free in my head

- "this whole activity is to serve a higher purpose anyway" chat what does he mean i actually cannot tell what does this mean

- logan giving roman 20 dollars is so painfully logan i fully had to pause the video to stare at the wall for a minute over it. literally everyone behind tss are so fucking smart.

- LMAO VIRGIL GETTING ANGRY AT JANUS PISSING AT ROMAN prinxiety nation i know you're here in this room today

- also unrelated but all of patton's tiny gift wrappings are so pretty. where do you shop thomas

- he really replaced his entire gift. to give janus what he deserved. fucking hell roman stop being so valiant for one fucking minute /pos

- YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ADD THE BEGRUDGINGLY BOY DAMN

- this is probably just me but come on can we stop giving patton just simple cards. like ik he likes them and he probably doesn't mind but come on its too easy.

- LOGAN MY BABY BOY. MY BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL CHILD MY ABSOLUTE FIRST BORN he's so happy im honna gry

- "good luck detective, you're gonna need it 😈" "oh virgil 😦" they're so dramatic why are they like this

- Janus being responsible for Thomas' poker face and he's not doing a great job at it

- LOGAN BEING THE ONE TO SAY "dont overthink it" LIKE THE. LIKE THE IMPLICATIONS. IM SO NORMALM

- NICO TIME god everyone's so pretty

- hmm i. i wonder what the message is. i wonder what the message is that we're supposed to getting from here. hnm.

[belovedstarrs]

do you even care?!

• pairing : geto x fem!reader

• tags : angst, breakup??, just a shit ton of one-sided fighting (verbal) , language galore, drinking mentioned & used, cheating, geto never betrays jujutsu high au.

• a/n : god im half asleep writing this and i havent proof-read sooooo deal w/ it i just need to actually post and get over this writing slump.

• w/c : 602

• loosely based off of all too well & youre losing me

you were laying in your bed and pondering. suguru hasnt been home in hours and he told you he was gonna be home at 5 pm, its 10 pm. you checked his location and he turned it off a few hours ago.

you heard the keys jangle in the doorknobs and you quickly got up, you didnt even know what you wanted to say to him. you looked out your doorframe and saw him taking off his shoes at the front entrance as you angrily walked over.

"suguru what the hell! where the fuck where you at? you turned off your damn location. you know what nevermind you were probably at the bar with gojo flirting with some girls since you clearly dont give a shit about me."

it all blurted out, you felt like throwing up. why now? suguru had to take a minute to process everything from you talking to fast. "y/n i wasnt flirting with any girls nor at the bar. i just had gotten a new mission right before i got off and my phone had died." he said with no emotion in his voice. you could tell it was a lie. just by the way he looks uneasy you can tell hes been drinking.

"oh stop giving me that bullshit suguru. if you dont like me just fucking say it. i dont get how you can just cheat on me yet still have the balls to say the words i love you." you wanted to die. you used to love this man with your whole life, why is this happening? why does he lie to you so much.

the past 3 months have felt like hell. sugurus been getting more distant and staying out later than he tells you while getting drunk. you dont fucking get it. why is he doing this? what have you done to deserve this? youve put so much into this relationship and hes tearing it apart like its nothing.

he doesnt even have a response to your stinging words. "y/n i promise i still lov-" you quickly cut him off. "you dont ever keep your promises! stop spouting shit that isnt true for once! your just an asshole liar." you pause for a moment before you continue

"why have you put nothing into our relationship? did you never love me from the start? ive been trying so fucking hard to still love you and act as nothing is wrong and ive tried to tell you that but youre just a dumbass!" you brush shoulders as you go to the front door to quickly put on your shoes and a coat to leave. making sure to grab your keys and get the hell out before he says anything.

there was this burning feeling in your chest that also felt like a little freedom. were you meant to not be with suguru? you wished so hard in your head he would come back for you and apologize, make it right. you kept walking down the street and nothing happened.

you pulled out your phone to text utahime and ask if you could stay the night.

y/n : utahime you awake?

utahime : yeah. why?

y/n : just fought with suguru. wondering if i could stay the night.

utahime : totally! stay for as long as you need.

that gave you some relief. your gonna have to figure out you and sugurus situation but for now you need time to yourself to figure out what the hell youre gonna do with him since you two live together and dont have a actual apartment of your own.

part 2 is out now!!

made by @belovedstarrs do not copy or use in any way without permission

[sillyyywrites]

yaayyy writing,, heh,,, GRAAHHHHGG (i wrote this from 1am-2am)

Characters: Amaranth (Cloudy gods sorry shadows eclipse) Aristolochia (cloudy gods sorry shadows sun), Hyacinth (cloudy gods sorry shadows moon), you.

Warnings: gore, animal harm, cannibalism, the general idea of gods, bugs, gen really fucked up please listen to this warning.

(In order to most to least preffered)

Amaranth uses It/He pronouns

Aristolochia uses He/It/They

Hyacinth uses They/It/He

You will use They/Them.

Lovely. How wonderful, a god wants to meet you at the dead of night. You've had enough panic attacks from Aristolochia and Hyacinth, now theres a 3rd? Why do you even let them in your house or-

SNAP.

what was that sound, why was it so close, are you even alone? Those thoughts raced through your head as you kept walking into the forest.. just ignore whatever that was. Squirrels live in the forest, right? Yeah. Yeah that was a squirrel..

After lots of twists and turns you finally made it to.. the middle of the forest, its just this massive empty area.. no trees.. well, scratch that theres a 10 foot tall GOD IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL.

wait whys he.. sitting? Leaning over something. That damned cape is blocking your sight to whatever its leaning over.

You hear a lot of crunching coming from who you assume to be Amaranth. Totally not terrifying at all, meeting a god at 4:23AM and said god is eating something you dont know.

"I'm uh-" you quickly get interupted.

"{Y/N}! I heard you from a mile away, literally!" It unnaturally snaps his head to face you, holding a gutted rabbit in its hand, dangling it above its mouth as if its about to eat it.

"..what the hell." You pause, a sharp chill stabbing through you.

CRUNCH.

Oh. Oh that sight isn't a lovely one, blood dripping from its claws and leaking from its mouth as it eats the (hopefully by now) dead bunny.

"What a pathetic little thing.. both you and the little rabbit! Quite a chase i must say, couldnt escape me for long thoughohoho!" He says as he stands up and licks his hands clean.

It's acting like this is something normal.. something to laugh at, somethi-

"What do you want me here for?" You ask, trying to ignore your own racing head.

"A lot, i want to ask a favor from you!! Isn't this fun!? I see you humans make deals like these a lot! I'm sure you're used t-"

"I'm not doing a favor for you after.. that.." you mumble.

"Im sorry?" You see it's head twist to a unnatural degree, despite the what feels to be a conforting smile, you know those eyes. Those eyes filled with judgement, watching your every move like you're a bug.

"What's the favor you want me to do first." You speak louder, trying to act like that's what you originally said because you don't want to find out what the hell would happen if you didn't agree.

"Eat with me. I have many meals with me at the moment!" He moves out the way, showing the corpse on the green grass.

"AMARANTH WHAT THE FUCK. I'M NOT GONNA EAT A DAMN PERSON!" You shout way to loudly for the current time.

"Oh this isn't for you. I don't share my meals. I'm talking about the picnic basket next to him!! He was kind enough to give it to me before he begged fkr mercy and all of thaatt.."

It poked at the corpse like it was a toy instead of a life he took.

"Don't.. don't eat that in front of me, please.. let's just eat the picnic food." You mutter out, you know his hearing is too good for him to ignore it.

"Boring.. but alrighty!" It snaps, the man is gone and all trace of him as well. Besides the picnic basket of course.

It sits down on the grass again, cape flowing down with him. He leans over and looks at you, waiting for you to come over.

He gently taps the grass next to him, "Cmon, i'm not hungry enough to eat YOU!"

"Was that a insult?" You ask as you hesitantly walk over.

"Oh heavens no. I don't understand your whole morality thing but I understand where to stop!! I act stupid but i'm NOT stupid!" It snaps back in response.

You stand next to it, being just as tall as him while he's sitting and leaned over.. that's not terrifying at all. Uh huh.

"Sit down, please." He 'gently' asks, calmer then before that's for sure..

You sit down directly next to him and you find that in a blink of a eye, he's gone. You have a picnic basket in your lap and.. a cape around you.

"Oh so now I get fooled with magic. Great. Wonderful. I KNOW YOU'RE STILL THERE." You shout into the abyss of darkness.

You blink again, you're on your couch with aristolochia and hyacinth sleeping on either side of you, picnic basket and cape still with you.

[quijabored]

Spoilers for S4 and first 2 episodes of S5

Im gonna try to not make this very long because I'm going through a what the fuck moment and I do not know how to process this :D (Finished the second episode and immediately went to Tumblr)

(Spoilers, this is very long ✌️)

With that being said

WHAT THE FUCK???

OKAY UH, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START CUZ LIKE

AAAAAA????

OKAY

OKAY UH

KENJI

HES BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, GOT STABBED THROUGH THE STOMACH TWICE AND THEN GOT JUST HORRENDOUSLY HURT

LIKE MY POOR BOY

YOSANOS BACKSTORY?? I LOVE IT SO MUCH HOLY SHIT

I HATE MORI SO MUCH

And with my undying hatred for Mori, I can also say he seems incredibly interesting.

I hate that I want to know more about him and I absolutely will, BUT FUCK

Then there was the Agency being split us and-

AAGGHHH IM CRYINGGGG

Not actually, but God damn it I was on the verge of sobbing so many times-

I love this series so much but how the fuck am I supposed to process this-??

ALSO TACHIHARA BEING THE FIFTH GUY LIKE??? AAAA???

I actually hate Fyodor so much oh my god (I want him)

SPEAKING OF FYODOR

SIGMA????

I MET HIM AND LIKE HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY I LOVE HOW DESPERSTE HE IS AND I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE 3 YEARS OLD THING AND JUST AKSKDHJS

ALSO

ATSUSHI HELPING OUT YET ANOTHER PERSON JS LIKE HE DID TO KYOKA?? LIVE LAUGH ATSUSHI BRO HES SO SILLY

AND THEN WHEN HE WAS FALLING OFF THE SKY CASINO I WAS SITTING THERE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??

I KNEW HE SHOWED UP LATER CUZ OF CLIPS BUT FOR SOME REASON IT JS DIDNT PROCESS AND I WAS GENUINELY ABOUT TO CRY

And then Nikolai saved him :D

LIVE LAUGH NIKOLAI BRO HES SO SILLY

Hes just like me fr except I'm not a Ukranian terrorist :3

ALSO I LOVE TACHIHARA SO MUCH I JUST AAAGHHHHH

JOUNOS KIND OF A BITCH (Ive already signed the adoption papers, I love him so much he seems really interesting-)

AND MY BBG TETCHOU???

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE SEEMS SO SILLY AND EVEN IF HE HASNT HAD MUCH SCREEN TIME I JUST AAAGHHHH

Also fuck Fukuchi

LIKE I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A SILLY GUY

"Now I just have to hope no one becomes a character I absolutely despise :3"

YEAH NO I WAS WRONG CUZ WTF

And then during the whole scene where he was talking with Ranpo and he was like "the president trusts you, so do I."

AT THAT POINT IT KINDA CLICKED AND I WAS LIKE "Oh shit its Fukuchi isnt it."

BUT THEN I HAD NOTHING TO GO OFF OF AND I DIDNT WANNA SIT AND THINK IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE

OH BEFORE I START YAPPING ABOUT THAT

RANPO JUST ABSOLUTELY SAVING EVERYONE??? I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OH MY GOD HE JUST LIKE ME FR

AAAAAA AND THEN THE WAY HE TALKS ABOUT FUKUZAWA LIKE AAGHH THEYRE FAMILY :(

AAAA AND THEN POE BEING THERE LIKE AKSHAKJDS SEEING MY SON IN A SUIT WAS SO SILLY ITS LIKE WATCHING YOUR CHILDREN GO OFF TO PROM OR A WEDDING I THINK-

AND THEN POE BEING SUPER HAPPY ABOUT HELPING AND RANPO PUSHING HIM ASIDE PLEASE I LOVE THEM

ANYWAYS BACK TO FUKUCHI

THEN RANPO STARTED EXPLAINING ALL THE EVIDENCE AND I SAT THERE AND I WAS TRYING SO DAMN HARD TO BE LIKE "Pshhhh- No waayy Fukuchis actually a really really really bad person right??"

AND THEN HE WAS

I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH (I dont I love this show it has been my hyperfixation for so long please help I have dreams about bsd this is just like my Danganronpa phase oh dear god-)

AAAAA NO BUT GOD DAMN IT I NEED TO STAB FUKUCHI

ITS REALLY WEIRD CUZ I LIVE LAUGH FYODOR BUT FUKUCHI JUST MAKES ME UPSET

If he doesnt have a good motive Im actually crying, though I get that not all characters are supposed to be redeemable, I just got really attached to Fukuchi really fast and seeing him yap was super silly :(

Fyodor works a lot differently than Fukuchi and I really really do love Fyodor-

Also Nikolai saying he's gonna kill Fyodor? Genuinely wonder if he's even capable of that cuz his ability is able to catch you off guard, but Fyodors such an incredibly silly guy and I wouldn't be surprised if he was able to stop anything from Nikolai

Not only an assassination attempt (Even though I doubt Nikolai would get very far with that-) legit something as simple as trying to scare him-

Also Fyodor understanding Nikolai? Dear gods I love them so much they make me wanna tear out my soul-

Making a little fanart for them and while I'm not sure if I'm actually gonna share it, they are very adorable in their own odd way

Back to the casino scenes, while I absolutely adore Tetchou and Jouno, TEROKUS JUST SO SILLY

PLEASE I LOVE HER SO MUCH I HOPE WE GET TO SEE MORE OF HER EVWN IF SHE DOESNT SEEM VERY RELIVANT TO THE PLOT WHERE IM AT RN

AAAAAA ALSO, S5 EP2 ENDS WITH AKUTAGAWA BEING ON THE SHIP AND AHDKAHSKS

SHIN SOUKOKU CANON EVERYONE

I HAVE BEEN DESPERATELY STARVED OF AKUTAGAWA CONTENT FOR A LITTLE BIT SO SEEING HIM MAKES ME SO HAPPY

AND SEEING HIM WITH ATSUSHI??? EVEN HAPPIER, I KNOW THEYRE GONNA DO A BIG FIGHT TOGETHER AND ITS LIKE AAAA THEYRE WORKING TOGETHER WILLINGLY NOW!! (Kiiind of)

LIVE LAUGH LOVE BSD BUT DEAR GOD ITS MAKING ME GO INSANE

AND BEFORE I FORGET YET AGAIN, I LOVE SEEING ODASAKU MEAN SO MUCH TO DAZAI AND ANGO LIKE AHHHH THIS SERIES MAKES ME SO UPSET IN A GOOD WAY

AND MUSHITARO MAKES ME GO YIPPEE PLEASE I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH

ALSO DAZAI BEING ABLE TO CONTROL HIS HEARTBEAT?? WHAT CAN HE *NOT* DO????

And why the fuck does the sky casino look like a beyblade like I love him but someone's gotta get him into an exterior design class

THE INTERIOR DESIGN THOUGH, PLEASE I LOVE IT ITS SO BRETTY LIKE LET ME GO THERE

Just searched up Beyblade to make sure I got the spelling right and what do you mean there's a hello kitty beyblade give it to me

Also Sigma just panicking for half the episode is so fucking relatable

OH ALSO

THE WAY HOW HE SEEMS SO DEVOTED AND LOYAL TO THE SKY CASINO?? I LOVE HIM HE MAKES ME SO SAD

I can't remember if I already mentioned I have adopted him but I have ✌️

He's so silly after I finish my Akutagawa and Fyodor obsession plus actually finish the story (or at least whats written right now) I'm focusing entirely on him

Okay maybe my Aku and Fyodor obsession won't ever subside but if it doesn't I'm making space for him in there-

Live laugh Nikolai I know I haven't mentioned him too much but he's such a silly character and he makes me happy-

AAAA ALSO FUKUCHI HAVING THE PAGE LIKE IM GONNA EAT THAT DAMN PAPER JUST LET THE ADA LIVE IN PEACE-

ALSO GOT SO SCARED WHEN GIN WAS STABBED, GENUINELY THOUGHT SHE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT

Okay I think that's enough yapping for today, might watch another episode might not, but either ways I'm dreaming about it again ✌️

ALSO WHEN I SWITCH TO THE MANGA SINCE S6 ISNT THERE CUZ YK NOT MUCH CONTENT TO WORK OFF OF YET, IM GONNA BE FROTHING AT THE MOUTH EVERY DAMN MONTH FOR NEW BSD CHAPTERS

AHHH I HEARD THAT THERES A NEW CHAPTER RELEASED AROUND EVERY MONTH AND ITS LIKE YK WHAT GET THAT COIN ASAGIRI, ILL WAIT AS LONG AS I NEED

Okay kinda unrelated but I love lucid dreaming so much like what do you mean I can bend reality at my will to make an episode of bsd that shows Fyolai being canon and adopting 3 cats

GOD I CANT WAIT TO BUY THE MANGA (I have to actually save up tho so I gotta wait a bit longer ✌️)

I know I could just find pdf files online but I js really really like reading physically so uh ill get to pdf reading when I get desperate 😋

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey Goldy

Hope u are doing good cos i am not atall. When JK said Be happy even without us and cried on Live. He Literally cried infront of millions of people. Why did it felt like a Good Bye ? My heart is broken. I am sad. I have never thought about being happy without BTS in my life. I know this day will come when Army will have to learn to live and be happy without BTS but not now not anytime soon. I am not ready but what JK did in that Live has left sadness in my heart. I am happy about Set me free pt 2 teaser and been streaming it. Its going to be Legendry. I am excited for Jimin album but my damn mind keeps thinking of JK and his face with tears rolling down is bothering me. I dont know whats going on with him but i am praying to God that it was just Alcohol and nothing more.

I was bopping my head and sobbing along till I read goodbye

Ma'am step away from the light I will not lose you

Saying goodbye to WHOMST???

Not me cos he and I are not done

We have JJK1 to promote, stream and get to number one.

Goodbye, chileee I will move into his basement and ship him from there. now both he and I are uncomfortable staring at eachother cos my fat ass didn't fit under his bed.

Jungkook is not going anywhere hajima😫

Like you said, he switched on live television to cry in front of millions of people. If he had somewhere else to go with his angsty ass he wouldn't be here doing al that 🥴

Imagine being his 'girlfriend' and seeing him shed tears and cry himself to sleep drunk in front of million strangers when he could have come to you and cried and be vulnerable with you so you console him

When I think about all the times Jimin said I was talking with Jungkook, caressing our phones, crying, talking about how I want to be with the members for a very long time- these people have girlfriends my ass

Tae can't relate

I was expecting this around covid and around the time they announced their Solo careers. Seems he didn't give himself time to take it all in and deal and now it's hitting him hard🥴

I think it's good he is processing pent up emotions and externalizing certain thoughts. There are so many things I want to address from that video but will save it for another blog.

He is at the height of his career and he knows it. He's gonna process that somehow, the doubt the uncertainty, the fear, I just hope it doesn't paralyze him. Suga went through a similar phase as did Namjoon. Every artist goes through this.

People think it's easy to step out of the shadows of a big band as BTS and just catapult into the lime light- they should as Zayne Malik💀

As RM said, it's just too many voices telling you you are no good without your bandmates, too many people tearing your self Esteem apart, telling you you will fail, suddenly you are doubting if that song you made is good, wondering if you will become successful etc

For Jungkook I heard him saying all these, raising all these questions and curiosity about a solo career even before they announced it. I don't think it's easy for him. There's a lot of expectations and pressure to excel. Poor thing.

I really wish Jimin was free and had time to cuddle him. He just needs to be spooned. He will be fine 🙂

I think sometimes they don't realize the effect their tears have on us. Especially when they're crying and being sentimental and ominous about your career😫

I don't think it's just the alcohol. There's something going on with him. But i think he will be fine. the fact Namjoon told him to be quick and release his album means he has something in the works which is good. I don't want to analyze him too much cos it will take me away from Jimin.

We love him and I'm sure he feels the love.

The best we can do is support him and assure him we will be here for him whenever he needs us.

I feel Jimin is competing with a lot of people for army's attention. I love the competition but it's becoming ridiculous.

Let's stay focused. Let's learn to prioritize.

When we are done with Face, we have all the time in the world to discuss Jungkook's moody phase.

I want to hug you and tell you everything will be fine

Here's something to cheer you up

If that don't do it try this🥵

In a few days he's gonna be dropping an MV that's gonna keep all the girlies active 🥺

That still doesn't cheer you up? Crazy😩

Fine. I'll post a full analysis soon😓

[atopvisenyashill]

i discovered your lovely page through larra rogare tag as you had written a response for imagined AU that she didnt leave and the impact that would had been on naerys

can i ask how do you image she spent her time after she left kingslanding? Do you think she felt better or worser or numb? Do you think aegon 4 or aemon or naerys wrote letters or tried to see her? Or maybe larra wished to come back but viserys didnt allow it as in a way larra had betrayed him by abandoning him in a extremely difficult time

and whats your headcanons for viserys and larra relationship🙄 which is I know and I agree its pervert and sick but at the same time I am curious, viserys was a kid but also kid who was extremely smart. i wonder if larra pitied him felt bad for him when he was hostage and then kind of became his friend while married? or did larra started to resent viserys for how his father found viserys and made larra marry him? do you think viserys II ever know what true love was? Did he thought he was in love with larra but then she left and he grow up and he closed himself emotionally?

i dont know What are you thoughts ?what do you feel how things went?

i'm sorry this took forever, end of the year was wild for me.

so i’m fully aware this is all getting jossed once f&b part 2 comes out (if it ever comes out) but I have thought a lot about the family dynamics of the dance kids after the dance, and how it affects them growing up and their relationships with their children. any sort of violent overthrow is going to affect the way its people develop, and the dance ending in the deaths of nearly every dragon when the dragons are more than just animal familiars to the people of westeros and what's left of the valyrians is going to be an extreme affect. the dragons are nearer to gods at this point, and yet they were all killed! i think this, and aegon iii being known as "aegon the dragonbane" especially in relation to the first aegon being "aegon the dragon" and the second being famous for having a bond so close to sunfyre that sunfyre died for aegon and not just at aegon's order (way different dynamic from vhagar, meraxes, caraxes, moondancer, and vermax), that all of viserys and aegon iii's kids are completely destroyed on a spiritual level. they're also raised by a bunch of young ass parents (i know like 19-20 isn't uncommon an age to have kids, but this generation is kind of extreme in that literally every single one including the boys is married and has at least one baby before 18) who are all struggling and failing to control their ptsd from the trauma of the dance. all of that to say, i think Viserys and Larra's kids and Aegon and Daenaera's kids (and Baela/Alyn and maybe even Rhaena/Garmund) were all doomed for unhappy lives from the start.

For sure, I think for Larra there was a lot of numbness. Unlike, say, Saera, who abandoned Westeros for a life that is certainly depressing imo (the only freedom a Targaryen woman is ever allowed is through the bartering of her own sex; either on the hopes of a kind husband or as a literal sex worker. it's soooooo damn depressing) but was at least living a life more in her control, the way Bellegere Otherys lived. Larra, however, abandons King's Landing because she is driven out due to the hostilities. She must leave all three of her children behind, and she must return to Lys in utter disgrace after the nonsense pulled by the men in House Rogare. She failed not only to protect the men in her family with her proximity to power but she also failed in keeping the smallfolk, the lords, and even her husband and children on her side to raise her house higher. And the price for a woman after a failure like that is usually obscurity, depression, and isolation. Look at the last days of Alicent Hightower, Maegor's wives, or what everyone hopes they did to Cersei at the end of Dance. I hope she wrote to Naerys but I wonder if she'd feel it wasn't her place anymore especially considering how religious Naerys is.

I do imagine Viserys latched onto her when they first married and Larra encouraged this; she's a part of the little crew of rascals during the Regency so she's clearly close to Viserys when she first arrives. I think it makes sense that he would get close to her as both his wife but also as a pseudo sibling or mother figure, after being separated from his own mother so suddenly and violently. I think the downfall of her house may have been what really started to sour their relationship; even though Aegon and Viserys come to her family's rescue, the damage to their reputations has been done when the Lyseni Spring has ended. Now, instead of clinging to the only kind face in a kingdom he doesn't know, Larra becomes a political liability; a foreign wife with foreign gods and a disgraced, upjumped family. I think this is why Viserys really doubles down on the incest by forcing Aegon and Naerys to marry and trying to force Baelor and Daena to marry - trying to prove they're real Targaryens still, even without their dragons. And because Larra doesn't fit into that, she gets cut out of the whole story.

[she-ismysun-archive]

🚨 THE ROOKIE 6x02 SPOILERS 🚨

do not read if you don’t want spoilers. Holy shit 100th episode started off with a BANGER. This is my live blog thread.

DADDY COP? FOR REAL? WHAT A FUCKING INTRO. NO WONDER ZANDER RANDOMLY BROUGHT IT BACK UP ON HIS INSTAGRAM.

100 SPARKLE INTRO ✨✨✨

Henry missed his flight???? NAAAUUU

HELLO CHASTITY AND SKIP TRACER RANDY. HE SKIP TRACER BOUNTY HUNTED PETE LOL. I literally can’t stop screaming. I can’t stop SCREAMING. I feel so feral

Chastity is teaching him how to kiss! 😆😆

please 🫣 PLEASE TELL ME THEY DONT LOSE THE RING?

Oh brother. Aaron is not as ok as I thought he was or would be. Bro is NOT ok!!! He’s still benched for a reason. Wade will not make the same mistakes he did before. He will not lose another one.

Wow healthy communication? No. Angst continues. Please help me save me save ME. He’s so mad. She’s so hurt. Pleeeease our lovers will resolve this episode I said so!

OSCAR?

Henry missed the bullet train.

What is happening with Nyla and Celina rn. NARCOTIC POT?

MONICA?! Double fucking whammy

Friendship hugs. I said so. They’re friends. Please don’t force this romantic relationship :((

THEY PAWNED THE BAILEN WEDDING RINGS? DEADASS????

the hammer episode name drop 🫠

“No please don’t do me any favors” Angela please save us WAHH THEYRE BICKERING

Hello wedding DJ - womp womp drug dealer

BILLY BOB BENNET (the hammer)

Oh they’re scheming. Oh they’re scheming so hard

So I definitely misread this shot in the promo (they have not made up yet)

Eric Winter’s hardest fight scene of his entire career

Lucy negotiating is so fun

TIM OFFERING LUCY UP TO BE THE FIGHTER?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Tim get his shit rocked but he WINS - wait I just noticed Lucy holding his belt??

TIM? HOLDINF THE RING ON ONE KNEE Bdjdksnsksk

Goodnight Tim

HAHA “THE ROOKIE” NAME DROP

Nyla just calling Celina “the rookie” and she gets to do her first interrogation

No flower. Almost no ring. Almost no Henry?? ENJOY GIRLS NIGHT? SHES TRYING TO GET HENRY INTO THE COUNTRY.

CAKE TOO EARLY 🫣🫣 AND IT HAS COCONUT CREAM

Randy is the florist expert now (Ty ClipTok)

Ou they’re both. Gossiping about each other at the bachelors party

Lucy: he’s the problem

Tim: how do I prove to her that I’m not the problem?

DAMN IT. THEYRE GETTING DINNER TOGETHER NOW (Celina and Aaron) AND TIM WANTS TO MEET LUCY AT THE STATION

lie. detector. test.

LIE. DETECTOR. TEST. 🥹🥹🥹

YES. I LOVE YOU. HES A LYING LIAR WHO LIES?

he’s a. Lying liar. Who LIES 😭😭😭 it took a LIE DETECTOR TEST for him to ACCEPT that he doesn’t want Lucy to do UC work.

Luna’s getting her social work degree!

And of course their officiant doesn’t show up. Thank you Wade for saving the day

This wedding is so goddamn beautiful. Their vows are so fucking beautiful.

God they tricked me with all the happy promo shots of Chenford but their angst is far from over

Randy and Chastity is DJ-ing?? James saves the day with a playlist of his own.

Will Tim and Lucy make it out?? God I hope so! (I know they will but this is hurtinggg)

AARON. GOOD GOD. They were laying that on THICK. And now Celina is leaving the wedding. God Celina please be ok

I just spent last night spiraling about “dog bring a live part”

They’re dancing but they’re going to talk. Yea you DO need to deal with it Tim. YOU ARE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS

SHE SAID IT BACK

The chenford wedding kiss 🥹

ITS JOEVER. IT IS JOEVER

Celina is in fact NOT OK. And Aaron is drunk off his ass. Of course why would Nolan have a peaceful wedding night when everything else went wrong.

Alright then. That was wrapped up quickly. Everyone quick thinking weeehh Everyone’s ok.

This is the third shot of them laying on their back? It’ll be fun to clip that together.

Well ok then.

I feel so betrayed and tricked but it was delulu of me to think they would make up that quickly!!! IT TAKES A LIE DETECTOR TEST FOR HIM TO ACCEPT THAT HE DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA OF HER DOING UC WORK? This is actually just so in character for them! This is actually just chenford being chenford because it took them going undercover as a couple to even CONSIDER the fact they have feelings for each other.

[imaginespazzi]

Hi hi hi!

Reporting live and procrastinating responsibilities :). So heres my rundown, pretty much matchy matchy w yours, naturally: Generally the video vibes almost 💯 fit with the allegations 🙃. Please bear w the rambling thoughts in no particular order. Im not sure how one could possibly cohesively recap ALL THAT lol. Ok it blows my mind how much they personally had to catch up on w one another! God damn babes, you havent talked much if at all in nearly a month. Again it screams that there was more of a relationship (ending poorly).. Even friends moving apart prob wouldve had more contact over that time. Sometimes I wonder how they dont realize what they reveal by what they leave ~unsaid/not explained! Though G’s “really bad breakup” comment felt weighted given their situation. To me much of the injury discussion came across as carry over from the In The Mirror. With G making a point to say nice things (good memories of playing together;tearing up when Liz got hurt; not being wholly herself as a player w/out Kitley;the frustration at team reaction after the game following the injury; belief that Liz will recover/be drafted etc.). And G’s words still feel to me like a way of her dealing with some guilt which she cant quite yet express or process. Especially considering her adding stuff about being w the Kitley fam lately and helping move Liz’s stuff ha. If a person ever questioned something going down between L&G, I’ll say alarm bells went off when L described her night following the injury and staying over w Cayla. In such a low moment, poor girlie really couldnt manage being at her own place thats shared w one of her closest pals. Ooof. However, on the whole, they sounded more comfortable at times than I expected. In fact the convo sometimes got surprisingly open and loose - gals dont tell me that we had a bit of liquid courage before recording. ;) And it did stand out to me that L asked the “fans” on multiple occasions to just be decent and grateful for what they had + be understanding of decision making under the situation, but stopped short of telling people to leave G alone (which, given everything we’re led to believe, fair play hun). My big takeaway was that they seem to be taking this time of big adjustment as also a new beginning to possibly recover a friendship. Clearly theres still issues to work thru, but perhaps theyve reached a more settled/amicable place? Or at least were just able to deal w each other long enough to provide us all w a semi closure pod 😐. But heres hoping for more future content, as they hinted at! Oh and as someone who works w/in college athletics, I was very sympathetic to their comments throughout re change. Its a crazy industry, stuff happens in the blink of an eye and you do just have to deal with that ish. The harsh reality of the current state of things is that one rarely gets a neat, happy closure.

Happy Sunday to you bestie, hope its fantastic! -☕️

Reporting live and procrastinating is so real, like me asf fr fr.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. Like they seemed so out of the loop when it came to each other's life and that's just so weird to me? I mean I get it could just be regular friends drifting but that wasn't the ~vibe~ at all to me and maybe again it's the allegations bias but it was just very much giving exes.

Hardcore agree with the Georgia stuff because I thought some of what she was saying felt a bit like an overcompensation, an apology of sorts to make up in a way for anything else that *might* have happened. Honestly Georgia being so nice, no shade, doesn't really fit the dynamic from before where sometimes Georgia's snark was just mean to me really.

Every new bit of info/content, I just continue to feel terrible for Liz. And I think her staying at Cayla's really gave away the depth of how much has happened between her and Georgia. And again yeah it could be a friend breakup but it just feel a little too serious for that.

Obviously I don't know a timeline, if there even is one, but this podcast gave me the vibes that if they were together, it's actually been a decent while since they broke up and are now in a place where they can co-exist in an amicable manner. I don't know if we'll ever get another podcast or if they'll actually be able to be in a genuine friendship again but I think they're in a good enough place and I do love that for them.

[whataphantasia]

ok late night thoughts abt the New Season

rambly and not all that accurate cuz i watched it right before i went to sleep tonight (spoilers obviously)

THERES A LOT OF THINGS IM HAPPY ABOUT... and not a lot thats irking me right now :Vc ig i wouldve loved more interaction and screentime from certain characters, but its like 10 episodes so far so I get it LOL

theres also like the very modern slang and writing (if anyone knows what i mean) which is rly funny to compare to the early seasons ^_^ im personally fine w the writing/jokes (at least for now)

the new characters and the new screentime for some s1 characters is SO GOOD.

gandalaria?!?! i need that old woman RIGHT NOW!!! 0///0

im glad we got more magic users (aka just one this season really) LOL i welcome magic and all its subtypes as a thing more prevalent in ninjago (especially after the merge)

bonzle... my beebo... scrunches her

cinders cute ^_^ i mean as a character. hes fine so far. wonder where ras even found him and why hes with him because it seems like cinder has a LOT he needs to sort out imo (seriously. "get rid of my last dregs of goodness." come on)

this seasons Evil Faction and Overlooming Threat are alright.. wonder what elements the forbidden 5 even are :Vc (natural questions that will be answered) theyre fine. i have mixed and complicated opinions on them right now

OH OH SPEAKINF OF IM REALLY HAPPY WYLDFIRE IS TALKING WITH THE REST OF THE GANG MORE (i felt like she only rly connected to kai and that he was her one tether to everyone else.. wonder how the rest of the episodes will go with him gone ehehe)

rontu and egalt ... cutesies ^_^ i have lots of feelings abt them but its mostly good. i very much welcome new characters and concepts (merge opens up a lot of opportunites, im rly curious abt source dragons)

JAYYYY JAYYYYYYYY COME BACK NOOOO THE ADMINISTRATION TOOK AWAY HIS AUDHD AND ARE FORCING HIM TO MASK (DEVASTATION)

okok i know theres more characters and concepts but ill stop there for now lol.

I LOVE THE ADMINISTRATION AS A CONCEPT. useless bureaucrats who were made in the realm of madness and are now causing problems for everyone across the realms due to the merge??? I LOVE USELESS COMPANIES IN FICTION!! god everything agent allen said about "nindroids not being personnel but property" makes me want to make a nindroid agent oc who's just like "I HATE THIS GOD DAMN JOB" (can you see a pattern in my latest favorite ocs. can you ALSO tell that the administration is my favorite season 1 episode. it has zane. it has jays reveal. it has all the agents. so cutesies)

EVERYONE wants jay to have more screentime. SERIOUSLY. i dont need to explain why everybody knows. hopefully hes coming up bc WHOOH nya going "hahha! jay would never forget me!" is living RENT FREE in my mind. also i saw fanart of ppl shipping jay and cinder when the first s2 promos came out so they BETTER INTERACT.

okokokok... that was fun. ill leave it at that ig (and reblog this if i have more to say idk)

looking back on this my thoughts r super basic but IDC. IM HAVING FUN. BYE.

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics �� i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[sentientgopro]

Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Hiii, bilingual-beast-boy here!

As a fellow DP comics Gar lover, I wanted to hear some of your thoughts on Nicholas Galtry and Gar.

Specifically, I'm really curious about your reasoning for why Gar would have stayed with Galtry despite how abusive the man was.

Like with his powers, you'd think Gar could have gotten away from him if he really wanted to (which, clearly he did). His green skin makes him stick out like a sore thumb in public, which would make it difficult to hide from authorities (or even a private investigator Galtry may hire with his inheritance if Galtry was really desperate) if he ran away, but it's not like a pair of handcuffs would be able to stop him.

Maybe Gar just didn't want to run away if he would constantly be in hiding, or maybe Gar wasn't sure what would happen to his inheritance if he ran away? I don't know much about inheritance law, and neither would Gar tbh, but I can totally see 1) Nicholas telling Gar that all of his parents' money would automatically go to him if he ever ran away, and 2) Gar loathing the idea of his parents' money going to that creep.

Or, alternatively, maybe Gar never tried running away because deep down he thought he deserved it? Gar definitely has that self-hating, self-induced penitence streak about him, but I'm not sure if it would have been that strong when he was with Galtry. I feel like that streak really started going strong after the DP died, and we can clearly see his hatred of Galtry and his desperation to get out of Galtry's care in the comics.

Anyway, not sure if you'd ever thought about this before, but I can't come up with a solid enough answer on my own and was curious about your thoughts :)

i think honestly the biggest reason he never tried running away is bc... leaving an abusive situation, especially as a CHILD, is fucking terrifying!! people stay in abusive situations bc abuse makes them more afraid to LEAVE than to stay and suffer, often it takes YEARS for even grown adults to work up the courage to leave, so a kid with NO ONE and nothing to run to? no friends, no family to hide with to stay safe? yeah, its no wonder he didnt try to run...

but i do think that youre right in the way that, in some way, he thought he deserved it. i dont know exactly how long he lived with galtry, but i know how young he was when his parents died, and being RAISED by someone like that definitely makes you believe you arent worth much, or that how THEY treat you is still better than whatever you'll find elsewhere, the old "nobody will ever care about you as much as me" shtick ykno?

the fact he tried going to the DP at all is incredibly brave, especially after being turned away MULTIPLE TIMES, after being told they didn't believe him, that his situation couldnt be as bad as he says (another reason victims fear going to anyone for help, not being BELIEVED) he still kept coming back! bc even despite all that, theyre still the only people who have shown him any kind of understanding or care...

tbh i really need to read more to have more Clear Concise Thoughts on the situation, but god damn gar's life is... rough to think about. its actually an incredibly ACCURATE portrayal of abuse, both in the forms it takes, AND in the ways it affects gar's psyche, personality, behavior etc ... it hurts me but its actually really well written in my opinion

[showfallmediacameracrew]

What’s fun is going to the food court and listening to whatever fucking nonsense these streamers say and trying to figure out what their god damn characters are. 

and by fun I mean absolutely terrible. Its all an exaggeration of whatever brand they’re meant to be for. I cant even imagine what their chats are like, or how they interact with things when not doing a talking stream. 

On the plus side, I did find the new spot they put Charlie after they... did whatever it is that brings the actors back from death. So now I’m just kind of...

Okay, so the thing is he’s kinda now just in a less visible part of the food court. What i am doing is sitting in an out of the way spot of his fake room, waiting for a moment where he isnt on camera and has a moment where he’s just doing nothing until he goes live again. Ill talk to him then, see how it goes this time.

I can only assume it might be easier to get him to understand faster then the others, as he has already gone through this before. Though I’m rethinking this just a bit, wondering if I should work on others first and get him later. He doesnt need more stress then necessary, that getting him first would surely cause? 

I really dont know what to do at the moment, im in a safe enough place but I dont want to risk moving and coming across any danger, and while I might be able to leave the mall if extremely lucky, I doubt I could get anyone to believe me of all the things going on here. 

I dont even know if it is just this mall that was abandoned, or the whole area around it as well. Surely an active town would notice an abandoned mall being very much active. 

[bailaconox]

basically the only photos i took at ateez in toronto hamilton 12.02.22 🤧❤️‍🩹 i had the best day of my entire life yesterday and i cannot thank ateez enough for filling me with so much love and happiness ❤️

just me rambling about my whole ateez concert experience under the cut ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I CANNOT BELIEVE AFTER TEN FUCKING YEARS OF LIKING KPOP I FINALLY GOT TO EXPERIENCE A KPOP CONCERT IN ALL OF ITS UNIQUE GLORY!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST CONCERT IN OVER THREE YEARS AND AFTER THE SHITTIEST FUCKING LUCK WITH TICKETING AND CONCERTS IN GENERAL..... IT ALL FINALLY PAID OFF?????? THE UNIVERSE ALIGNED JUST RIGHT SO THAT I COULD FINALLY HAVE THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY FUCKING LIFE AND THERE IS NEVER A MOMENT I AM NOT EXTREMELY THANKFUL TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO GIVE ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE LAST NIGHT

first ever top tier vip first ever vip ga first ever soundcheck first ever true barricade first kpop concert in person first ateez concert first time everything went about as perfect as i dreamt it would

despite being wristband number 337 i was one person away from touching the barricade, left side of the stage at the corner where the catwalk meets the main stage, so fucking close either san or seonghwa is literally covering me in the crowd photo 🤧😭❤️‍🩹 WHICH IM NOT MAD ABOUT AT ALL THAT FEELS LIKE A TOTAL FUCKING WIN IN MY BOOK!!!!!!!!

the crowd wasnt pushy and agressive and shoving

and i saw ateez with my own eyes in person in real life just a few feet away from me.. they're really real... they are so real and so beautiful and sweet and talented and pretty and funny and amazing and good and wonderful and damn near perfect

god i really dont wanna sound crazy delusional but i really believe seonghwa made Prolonged Eye Contact with me 😳😳😳😳😳😳 like i spent the whole concert no phone except once and i just. was Looking at them. so amazed captivated mesmerized. and i want to believe seonghwa saw me just STARING in a very stunned fashion and made eye contact and just like. smiled laughed a little smirked a lot maybe thought it was funny how i was like 👁👄👁. this at least is the story i built in my head and will choose to believe!

and i dont think it was me he called out but during the part where hongjoong split the crowd and made my side say "break" he said someone forgot and did it like a full two seconds after everyone else aND HE WAS LOOKING WAY TOO CLOSE TO WHERE I WAS STANDING LIKE I DONT THINK THAT WAS ME BUT SOMEONE IN A ONE TO TWO PERSON RADIUS FROM ME DID THAT AND IM SCARED IT WAS ME BC I DONT FUCKDKIEUNG REMEMBER WHAT I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god i made the best call ever though by not taking photos because i just got to LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!!! RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my justification is that i absolutely hate looking through any concert videos or pictures i have ever taken for some reason. combined with the fact that 10000000% of why im there is to SEE THEM LIVE IN THE FLESH IN REAL LIFE so i dont wanna end up staring at my phone the whole night bc it wouldnt feel as real as looking at THEM you know???? and every other person has enough concert footage to refresh my memories so im more than happy with that choice! i only took these couple and one video to prove where i was standing in the crowd lmao

as per usual at concerts every moment in line and before the soundcheck was a fucking nightmare but oh my fucking god i got one of the best spots in the whole venue and every part of that show made up for the shit i dealt with about a million times over!!!!!!! i GET it now i GET why people do this i GET why they fight for vip and barricade !!!!!!!! the experience of not only looking directly at them, but KNOWING FOR A FACT THEY SAW ME TOO, is something ill never ever ever get used to.. i feel so fucking grateful for getting so damn lucky.. it was one of the most amazing things i've ever experienced and my god. i want more

but i dont expect all my concert unluckiness to have vanished bc im not financially in a place to arrange the logistics of all that on my own! im not kidding when i said the stars fucking aligned just perfectly to create this entire experience, there were so many tiny things that could have gone wrong or prevented me from going altogether but... for once... for the only time ever in my life up to this point, everything was perfect and i had the perfect day and i got more than i ever dreamt i could.

it felt so special to not just be there for all of my own reasons, but having it be ateez's first time in canada and the last show of this tour. the hello82 video and watching that with them and singing star 1117 was .. magical honestly??? and also made me realize i've never been to a concert before where the artist got super emotional and cried on stage??? but there was more love in that room than i've maybe ever felt in my whole life and there are no words to explain how special and important every single second of that night truly was... and i will never forget how it felt to be there, to finally be there, to be there of all places!!!!!!!!!!

and i love ateez with all my heart and soul. oh my god. i just realized if i started liking them in late august of 2019. i started liking them either right before or right after the last concert i went to. i saw the jonas brothers in august 2019 and i started liking ateez in 2019 and i havent been to a single concert in three whole years until last night. with ateez. and i get it now, why the universe aligned the stars for me, for this. oh my god

[roguestarsailor]

was walking to u-haul to get some more boxes to move out and i straight up was ready to CRYYYY!! i realized today was the last day i'll ever take this route to work, the last time i'll ever walk this neighborhood as a neighbor and im so-- so sad. i can't tell if im making a good decision by moving to a different area of the city but damn i truly did love it here. i dont think anyone else understands why i would love it here esp since its not considered the most desirable area (I SEE ALL THE SHIFTY EYES) but I REALLY TRULY LOVE IT HERE!!

the route i took as i was walking was the same way as when i had started looking for roommates and i got a bit regretful. i thought about the money i'd save if i had gone with those girls and realizing that that deal was kind of sweet...and i didn't take it. i also walked by the studio that i had looked at before and...honestly it wasn't a bad studio but it was a studio where i'd purely live because its in a neighborhood i wanted but a more run down version of where i live.

it was a great place and im so sad about this big change. it was so nice to go to any part of the city without trouble and i'll miss all the friends that live nearby...

i might end up crying i think. at some point this weekend because i truly love it here. my room, how bright and sunny, the space, the cleanliness of the apartment building, sound proof walls, being close to pilates, being close to soooo many activities, being close to (ahem) that boy, all the moments i spent with my friends, hosting people, all of these things... god i'll miss with my whole heart!!

did i make a good choice?? is taking this new direction means that my time here is coming to an end?? does it mean i really have to grow up and think about my future? find a husband? maybe dating is a bigger priority now?? how will i make friends? will my new neighborhood be a downgrade?? i do feel like im being ripped away from my comforts and this wonderful routine and transit process i've mapped in my head.

but i do know that if i hate where i am going to go to, i can leave and find a place back here again. i can come visit maybe. it's just one year and i can have fun over there too. maybe i'll find a sense of belonging over there.