#i dont know how coherent this is my writing ability is like

[ressioo]

“Yes I did give Sig hanahaki”

if I recall correctly, Hanahaki(hope I spelt it right) is supposedly caused from strong unrequited love, so the real question:

Who is it from?

Oh boy, time to ramble about 3sig+, my beloved. Get over here @tenspontaneite

Hanahaki Peepaw exists in an au of our Assembly/Solar Flare crossover thing

These are the bitches Peepaw is getting his plants from (assembly Pibbles, Sigs and Suns)

Now, when it comes to the plants themselves, they're not strictly a result of unrequited love. One type comes from unacknowledged love (benign) and one comes from unreciprocated or lost love (malignant)

The former is harmless as long as the plants are trimmed back, they just kinda vibe. The latter will, in fact, fuck you up. Very persistent. Quick to grow n spread. A twisted version of something that was good, yknow?

(All of that is very much all sponty lmao, my worldbuilding juice has been mostly used up on solar flare)

Peepaw gets to experience both!! Because harming him is my favourite activity <3

Sig's plant is a Marble Queen Pothos (because i have one ive affectionately named 'Peepaw' after him. Symbolism also checks out). Pretty and green. Good patterns on leaves

The malevolent version however,,

White do be choking out the green. Wont kill him, but its sure making him very overheated (blocked vents cause of roots n shit, cant draw in or let out air to cool the puppet). He gets this version during a very, very bad year. Specifically because of loss, not because he's not loved.

So yeah. Fun stuff

[roxyzwritez]

au writing shit idk

heres the Rough Plan for my first few eps:

ep1: the au branches off of canon in the final SU ep, Change Your Mind. renamed to Change Your World. when white yoinks the gem out of steven and pinksteven reforms and whiteasks W H E R E I S P I N K the response is something along the lines of "i am right here, but fuck you im not talking to you." (girlboss) and white gets the "im a child, what's your problem" and has the perfectionist meltdown, then steven's like "sorry but we gotta head out" and they're like "PINK WHAT THE FUCK?" steven goes "im not pink just leave earth alone" the gems agree and give steven The Legs™️.

pearl latches onto the idea that rose is still alive in there. (didn't write that tho just had it cut to this next bit oops) her and greg build a thing to connect to the gem that will essentially connect to pink/rose im just gonna call her rose damnit and allow her to communicate w everyone. shes like "...hey guys. uh. sorry for trying to kill myself i guess that didn't work but i have been minecraft spectating steven for the entirety of his existence with no ability to do anything but think and watch" pearl has a lesbian implosion, everyone's all happy n shit. steven eventually asks about the lying and she's like "yeag i done bad there. i just wanted to keep you guys together" (now that i think abt it there was no mention of bismuth here.. oops,) garnet gives her a Garnet Specil motivational speech and she's like "i missed you too garnet" (i forgot to mention, garnet violently explode-unfuses and ruby+sapphire are just bumbling with happy when rose spoke) amethyst has her own moment (she thought this was all bullshit and started playing fortnite upstairs but between games she heard rose and a p p e a r e d)

anyway rose then is thinking "oh man i gotta talk to so many ppl" and realizes eh guys nothing to worry abt just a HAPPY TO LISTEN, HAPPY TO STAY, HAPPILY WATCHING HER DR- but we should go there NOW" so they do, spinel is understandably distraught and breaks the gemspeaker in half but feels bad about it. she comes with the gang to earth, they show her around, a new gemspeaker is made and they reconcile. yippy! also spinel ate one of ALL. big donut flavors. sadie allowed this just for on e because steven is the LORD AND SAVIOR OF THE STEVEN UNIVERSE haha funny.

anyway she and bismuth talk. bis is kinda like "yeah i wasnt very gamer sorry about that herhee" again ignoring that SHE lied about the bubbling, conveniently forgot to explore that conversation for ease of writing and so i didn't need to go "how do i utilize my 2 iq points to channel these characters and get them to have a coherent, consistent to character conversation about this situation"

peri and lapis are called over by bismuth who doesn't say shit to them for the surprise. lapis is like "yeah ok hit me" peri is more curious. rose speaks, peridot fangirls and lapis is like "oh shit that's historically significant " peri is like "I NEED TO RESEARCH:)))" and runs off. spoiler: gem cloning

bis brings up the idea. rose is like "yeah that sounds legit" (the gem cloning conundrum took me way too long to understand. i drove my friend crazy. "hey can u explain every single quantum detail of this in the most verbose way i dont understand" but eventually i understood it JUUUUST enough to write it lmao i still don't get it)

rose n steven talk in roses room. all happy n shit. greg is told abt the plan and hes like oh shit i gotta clean up and steven is like "you know her standards. she don't give a shit" hes like "yeag"

peri makes progress! she made a little clump!! (explaining the gem cloning: theyre making essentially an empty gem with the powers but no consciousness inside. when its ready, white will take steven's gem out again, rose reforms, and the new gem gets ever so graciously stabbed into his belly where the old one was.)

peri tells steven its gonna take a year. he's like "well okay better than like hundreds of years" then he goes off to talk to the diamonds. he brings the speaker with. rose lets out the thousands of years of distrust and anger at the dismonds and they are humbled even more than when they got pinkd and rose is like "you WILL heal all the shattered ones i don't give a shit" and theyre like "whatever you say little one" (yes they do indeed heal the fallen. probably with regular shipments of steven fluid. that sounded wrong but im not a freak like that hes still 14)

also they go back home and steven talks to rose abt "you told the diamonds you literally wanted to die are you fr?" she explains and hes like YOU FATHERFUCKER, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT (crying)"

next episode is just year-long filler but i made it actually good by making it essentially a montage of lapis and peri in the barn becoming lesbian for eachother. finally, a controversial move on my part, they decide to overcome lapis's fear of fusion and fuse for stevens birthday. their fusion is turquoise (took way too long coming up with a fucking name) and can corrode (water + metal) and can morph/control metal (liquify n stuff. definitely not taken from a lapidot fusion concept i found on google images.) garnet is like "hey pearl look at these silly lesbians " pearls like "damn relatable" garnets like "yeag"

a week or a few after the bday, the gem is finally ready. everyone is excited until steven asks how this is gonna work. peri is like UHHHHH... 😊 and lapis is just "eh just take that one out, stick this one in!" peri goes NNNO- but after some damage control and telling everyone steven will be fine hes like "well i better get some good sleep then. big day!"

there's more but im done typing my fingers are about to go peridot and fuckin fly away let me know if you want the like 1other episode and the minisode after that

[thesweetestdevotion]

please can u do a tutorial on how to channel or do more intuitive readings ourselves?

What a nice request! thank you!

Im gonna be honest, i dont know if i can give you a tutorial on how to channel/read as everybody's energy is different and we all have different abilities. I can run you through my own personal process though! That's not to say that mine is the best one for you (or anyone really) but maybe it can give you some insight on how I channel/read and inspire you a little! Here we go!!:

I shuffle my deck until I am called to stop. if i had just done a reading right before I'll snap my fingers 2-3 times as a way to clear the past energy/make space for the new one.

I roll my dice one by one (three, 12-sided dice. Planets, Zodiac Signs, 12 Houses) I dont always use them fyi. Once theyre rolled out i begin to shuffle my deck, I only take cards that jump out but also they just have to feel right as well, even if i cant see the card yet theres like a force that pulls me to the right cards and lets me know which ones are relevant/not.

I lay my cards out and begin to read and connect energies. It's very important to know the meanings of the tarot, and also be familiar with their traditional symbolism. But its also good to know when to use your intuitive gifts, theres no need to always attach yourself to the cookie cutter meanings if you dont feel called to. Its also good to be able to connect all of the cards into a coherent "story" where they're able to build off of each other. If you feel the meaning of a card doesn't resonate with the overall energy of the reading, It's usually spirit guiding you to use your intuitive skills to find meaning in another way.

As for channeling, I really can't make a guide as to how to do this. I've seen some readers channel by writing down messages, others close their eyes and let images come to them, amongst many other methods. Personally, I dont need to do anything in order to channel messages, often as soon as I start a reading I get channels. I'll very often get channels even while doing chores or reading a book. I see images, colors, scenes, hear sounds, music, voices. I even have sensations in my body (heartaches, throat closing up, sudden tension, etc...) I'm someone who is very in tune with my body/mind and im naturally able to tell what feelings belong to me vs not. I don't know how to guide someone to do this if im honest. I think some readers can and others not. That doesn't make you a bad reader, or like your messages have something lacking in them because of this, so don't feel discouraged if you aren't able to do stuff like that.

Also, things will come to you as you read over time. You'll stumble upon new methods, find what you like to do, read at quicker paces, etc.. Tarot is a skill, and like all other skills it needs to be honed. So practice, practice, practice.

Other (kinda crazy) stuff i do to supplement my practice (not necessary at all, just personal stuff):

sleep with my tarot decks near me/under my pillow

cover my head with a cloth/blanket. I just lay it over me no special method.

let my tarot decks charge (many different ways to do this, mostly i just let them rest in favor of using another deck, some people use crystals, smoke, moonlight. Its really up to the reader)

I don't read all the time, i take breaks. Dont wanna deplete my energy

If channels are getting annoying (which they often can for me) writing them down somewhere, even if theyre nonsensical, helps a lot.

Keep my body physically fit/healthy, as much as I can. This is an astrological method. The 6th house of health/work/daily routines/hygiene/stomach directly opposes the 12th house of the subconscious mind/dreams/sleep/intuition/secrets/anything hidden or mysterious. If one house is out of balance the other one is too. So keeping one in check helps me keep my intuition clear, also works both ways (nurturing my intuition/getting rest helps my health). This might not be something everyone includes in their practice, but it personally keeps me very grounded.

Have boundaries. you don't have to tap into all energies, especially if they repell you. It's important to be aware of this.

General Advice:

Have conversations! dont be afraid to ask other readers for help (hehe as you did now, good job!) or for guidance. Finding a great teacher/guru to help you is a wonderful gift, honestly wish i had done this as well

It's okay and normal to be wrong, no one is infallible or omnipresent. we are human, and ultimately we might be tapping in to a spiritual source, but it will always be interpreted by our biased and limited human minds. it's why its important to be okay with mistakes, and also important to find readers who resonate with your energy and vibe. Don't force yourself to listen to someone who makes you feel icky!! its not good vibes at all!

If you all have any further questions like this, drop them in my inbox or here on this post. Thank you again to the anon who sent this in! love ya<3

[beesmygod]

JJBA PART 5, VENTO AUREO IS THE UNDERBAKED MESS I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FIXING...PART 2

FIX 2: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A PROBLEM LIKE GIORNO?

thats the homo photo of my dad

answer: i dont know.

the unfortunate and honest to god truth of the matter is that the protagonist of JJBA part 5, giorno giovanna, fucking sucks.

what if that little shithead from the twilight zone episode "it's a good life" was gay and watched "goodfellas". you might think "wow that sounds great" but, well, somehow it's not.

it is months later and i have been struggling with writing this for a bazillion reasons: i got sick, real life events occurred, i had to work on comic, i died, etc. but the most strenuous reason of all in the end was facing the impenetrable, tangled, and deeply complicated gordian knot that is the little ladybug loving bitch named giorno and not knowing where the fuck to even begin.

i had to think long and hard about how to approach the problem of "giorno giovanna". he is like a diamond of sucking ass: multi-faceted and beautiful in his perfection but is, ultimately, just a stupid fucking rock from the dirt. he completely lacks the innate charisma and personality inherent in previous jojo protagonists AND antagonists; despite having both the joestar AND brando gene pools to pull from, he manages to snag a net total of 0 personality traits. this problem is multiplied 100 fold once he starts actually doing things to move the plot along and the universe repeatedly bends itself like a pretzel in order to gift him undeserved and unrewarding (to us, the audience) win after win after win.

his theme goes hard as hell tho

if you were to ask me what is wrong with giorno, i would have no problem making a long and detailed list of why i want to slap the little cinnamon rolls of his head. i have no idea how to organize that list into a more coherent form of criticism that points at the overarching structural weakness of part 5. part 5 really, really wants you to like and root for giorno. it hinges on it. his victories are explicitly supposed to be emotionally and morally gratifying. they are instead trite and annoying.

for years, YEARS, my only experience with the entirety of part 5 outside of infamous panels and the most basic information about the story, was this incredible, evergreen and laser targeted tweet:

i thought this was a funny shit post. all i knew giorno had some kind of "life creation" power. what i didnt know was:

giorno says this exact line and then turns cars into frogs so that they (the bad guys) cant catch them (they do catch them)

giorno's power IS fucking stupid

i fucking hate him

he should stop using it

abbacchio was right. he was right about everything

how DO you talk about giorno? giorno's blandness permeates any situation he has the misfortune of attending and the parts of the narrative where he's missing for one reason or another are significantly improved by his absence. in comparison with the deuteragonists (bruno bucciarati) and tritagonists (the members of bruno's squad in the mafia family passione), he has all the flavor of a communion wafer. his character arc is non-existent. emotionally, he might as well have just gone to the store and back by the end of the story.

and, look, araki likes to play fast and loose with how powerful a stand is or what its abilities are. im not here to measure power levels or fucking whatever stupid shit people get up to. the more wild and insane he gets with his incredibly "unique" ""understanding"" of science and geometry, i'm 99% on board for. but giorno's stand, gold experience, is whatever the narrative needs it to be at any given time with no consistency. it's OP as hell long before he gets the 11th hour power boost; his stand has the extra trans-dimensional ability to remove any tension from a fight scene. through this, gold requiem can destroy the psyche of the audience, truly making it the most powerful stand of all time.

people used to love to bitch about not understanding how the villain's stand works in this part, but if anyone tells you they understand what the fuck THIS means they're lying to you.

anyway, there is only one solution i can think of when it comes to how to approach this: assess the major story beats in order. i think jumping around in the progression of events to highlight individual flaws in the character will not adequately impart the suffering one feels as an audience member while the narrative yo-yos between being rollicking good fun and being at the mercy of the little 15 year old twink with god mode on.

and so, having made it past koichi's tiny ass role (and his tiny ass) in the story and addressing how we can proceed, we can cover bruno (a genuinely wonderful character), polpo, and the wasted character building opportunity of the piss drinking scene, which vexes and infuriates me to this day. [thinking about the piss scene and getting mad again] ooooh!!!!

[milfygerard]

hi hi hi i’m sorry about the everything in life for a distraction i would love to hear your detailed thoughts on your favorite mcr albums or taylor albums or a detailed ranking of either i just love Music Opinions and also i hope things get better soon<3

thank you sm for sending in <3

im terrible at ranking so ill turn to opinions hmmmm

My favorite mcr album changed by day hour minute but i think i wanna talk about.....bullets....yeah bc bullets is so insane as just a sheer proof of concept, like an expression of raw skill and talent that was growing within this band. Rays guitar work alone was enough for it to make complete sense for major labels to be knocking at the bands door begging to suck them off and then they also had GERARD!!! And this was even before mikey really could write bass parts and frank was still not really in the band like its just ray gerard and geoff (and otter who wrote drum parts that r cool but also somehow out of his skill range? girl you MADE THEM). The fact that vampires not onky exists but was like the second or third song written? Like before mcr gerard either never wrote music or wrote shitty three chord throwaway punk that existed as an excuse to print band stickers and arent even good enough to save on tape and then you decide to start writing for real to cope with major national level trauma and your first song is SKYLINES??? and youre next songs are VAMPIRES and OUR LADY OF SORROWS???? and oh my god the vocals gerard gives on the albuk as a completely untrained vocalist who did one musical once in middle school and otherwise never sang professionally unless you count crazy kids song in breakfast monkey. and then you hear the vocals on fucking vampires???? Like gerard doesnt exactly sing like celine dion on bullets but the raw harmony work and ability to PERFORM and really stretch the emotions of a song and do whatever strange or vulnerable thing is needed to sell the track. Theres still few songs more affecting than early sunsets. Like i fully think gerard is probably the strongest vocalist in the emo scene just because of their ability to completely and utterly sell you on the songs emotions (not just anyone can sing im not okay and get away with it) and thats before all the developing technical talents both already present like how gerard can just toss a melody onto a track without thinking about it or the fact gerard did a lot of the base writing for mcr while fucking barely knowing guitar how did that even work girl. Like i havent even mentioned the lyrics??? How do you. Like you can tell both that gerard never learned how to write songs and also that gerard listens to so much music that he can just fake it anywayyheres like 2 songs with actual choruses on the album and neither of them are the self proclaimed pop song h4h which opens with a queen riff?????? ans then is like a hardcore version of a beatles pop song????dont talk to me about drowning lessons. deomolition lovers!?!?! half of these songs are just poems that gerard hammered into songs and theyre so like. genuinely so incredible and they work??like the album works! as a cohesive piece! it coheres!

and thats the first album. Id say my favorite ts album is probably evermore though i might actually have less to say on it just bc i havent had it since 2015. Evermore is just so....ANGSTY!!! it feels like a complete fulfillment of what she was exploring on folklore with the fictional framing devices and keeping the songs clearly personal while also removing herself in a way she never really has before. It feels like a level of introspection through art that taylor has always been both pushing towards and shying away from because too much introspection or strangeness or even pulling away from the diaristic idea too much never worked with where taylor was at with her career. Evermore had a new collaborator, and the massive success of folklore as well as the continued quarantine gave her both an unprescedented level of artistic isolation personal confidence and professional security that allowed her to just go "fuck it" and write fucking. cowboy like me and dorothea and coney island and closure and she GOT AWAY WITH IT!!! like the albums been out for 3 years or something like that and I still feel like i havent fully processed its existence despite listening to it constantly. It truly felt like she was unshacked and was able to write about herself while also completely pulling away from any sort of literal Truth and going crazy with concept and the way she writes feels so unconstrained from the rules she would sometimes set for herself, it felt like a natural evolution from the freedom she felt jumping into the lover era but its past the honeymoon phase and like it is pop music but its also not scared to be...not pop music if that makes sense? She really fully settles into folk as a genre for the first time and it lets her writing flourish. Songs with no choruses songs with barely any structure at all lyrics that stretch at the ends of verses and fun bouncy wordplay and just allowing herself into a characters life and seeing how it fits her. She has some straight up ren faire tracks on here liek willow is just a collection of similies and metaphors she likes smushed together over a lute and its so GOOD. It feels like she was allowed to really live in adulthood as a woman in her early thirties who creates art because she loves it and because it keeps her alive ALSO proof that she needs to keep collaborating w new ppl bc whenever she does you can feel her pushing herself harder and she becomes so willing to try these new kind of weird things that she may have never tried otherwise aughhhh!!!! i didnt even talk about coney island!!!! I love how moody and dour the whole project is it feels like November where fall drags you into a cold unforgiving winter and you're just trying to survive with your sanity and any of your personal relationships intact. its so!!! tbh its SO new england also which makes me biased. ok thats all

[smileymoth]

venting 👍.

I desperately yearn to create a story that is in depth and has a start a culmination and an end, i have the ability to create really in depth characters, i can plan out their entire lives, but because most characters who i create are just boring people whose lives aren't interesting they don't really get those types of stories. I can write autobiographies of my ocs and one shots of them going out or something, but i lack the brain for actually worthy storylines. It makes me miserable. I just want to create something that would be worth it, that would have depth instead of being just a pretty picture to look at. I get a lot of validation and praise but because im so self critical and nothing i ever do is special enough ill never really accept any of it. I just kind of feel like a fraud with everything i do. Nothing i do is interesting enough, nothing is new enough, nothing is worth the time. I dont really see value in what i do i guess because it has no capital value. I dont know hwy ive based my worth around if i could make it into a career. I guess its because i really dont want to get a normal job, i think it would kill me. But i also know that im not enough to ever achieve what i dream. Im so worried about the ending i dont even know the plot or whatever that flatsound song title was. Literally me. I try create but then i get stuck because its not good enough, and i quit. Becuase i cant figure it out perfectly. Because theres no point in finishing somrthing that has no value. Especially when it comes to writing/comics. I shouldve gone to study estonian fr fr what am i doing in the media dep when i cant even put together a coherent story or make a compelling poster . im kind of just a fraud and a lot of wasted potential because my ego gets in the way of existing because i cant take criticism without falling apart at the seams aproximarely 4 months later because ive sown it into my brain wrinkes by thinking about it on the daily . Its all my own fault but i dont think i can change it. I just need to accept it at one point and become a regular person who works an office job. At least id have regular income. I dont know. I want to drop out but i wont because then ill have no purpose in life. Ill enjoy feeling like i have something to live for while it lasts before it becomes a blur of getting a job (if theyd even hire me ever considering i have no working experience beside freelance and being a hotel room cleaner for 2 months) going to work going home going to sleep waking up going to work etc etc etc like every normal adult . I just wish i didnt get so depressed thinking about being alive but what can you do . Im not skilled enough to become a designer, i have no networking for it, and i hate marketing.

I used to think id die before 40 and tjen that slowly left because damn 40 is sooo young but now im back where i dont think ill make it past that age. So ive probably already wasted all my potential and chances of ever becoming anything. I just dont see the point of being alive really. And i also dont understand why ive been spiralling again. Nothing is wrong. But everytime i think about creating something i just get the desperate need to hurt myself because itll never be anything up to standard. And its all my own fault. Yay. I think i deserve to be miserable st this point because im not even attempting to get better. Im just alive for no reason. Im kind of dead already to myself . I ❤️ self punishment over menial things that nobody else cares about. Worst part im aware how stupid and overdramatic i sound, but i also cant help but believe it all to be true because why wouldnt it be. It makes so much sense to me

[princesable]

wwait please do tell ur issues with omori if u feel like it. as a somewhat omori enjoyer (<omocat sucks) i wanna see others' opinions as well

ok on my puter here u go. im not gonna write out like. an essay im just gonna list things out in bullet points because thats easier for me so sorry if this is hard to read/understand. quick side note i've played this game around 3 times because i love showing it to people so they can get mad about it with me. i feel like this is important because ive like. actually played the game and not pulling all of this out of a cut down letsplay (also just so no one gets mad at me i pirated it) but also my memory is awful. i am planning to play it again and actively take notes so i can write something more coherent. also putting it under a read more because i didnt realize how much i had to say about this

the story sucks tbh. like its an interesting concept that could have been done in an extremely impactful way but i felt nothing. like i didnt care about mari and i didnt care about sunny because he had like. no personality outside of "silent main character everyone likes". like if you dont care about mari the whole story falls apart. it relies very heavily on you caring about the two of them which is FINE but they do a really bad job of making me actually give a shit.

hero got like fucking nothing in the story and that bothers me like. outside of sunny we should have seen how mari's death impacted him the most because. you know. THEY WERE DATING? but we never get to spend time with hero. like all he is is "the nice one" i wish we got to see. anything with him but i swear they just weren't allowed to have him express emotions that werent extremely mild or something. actually now that i think about it it feels like hero was an after thought in like. everything. his dream word ability is barely used and when it is it feels like anyone could have done it. have it literally just be that he can flip switches is stupid. you could remove hero from the game and it would impact nothing.

AUBREYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the church confrontation scene was like. GENUINELY GOOD? and then after that they just forget to do anything with her. like it pisses me off how that scene was actually good and the only part that genuinely got me to feel anything and then she just gets nothing. like her "bully" scenes are pretty good and i genuinely sympathized with her but it kind of felt like. you werent supposed to? idk if that makes sense because you totally WERE supposed to feel bad for aubrey but having the kel high fives directly after multiple scene where you make her cry felt so. fucking weird. maybe that was the point idk. aubrey's my favorite character i wish omocat knew how to write

SPEAKING OF KEL. I REALLY REALLY DONT LIKE HOW THE GAME TREATS HIM. he's supposed to be the comic relief but like. EVERY joke is either "kel is gross/stupid" or "aubrey is mean to him for no fucking reason" and it gets old really fast because he's just a kid??? like him and aubrey are just mean to each other thats their whole thing which is FINE i GUESS but its not funny?? its just incredibly mean spirited and not fair to him as a character. why couldnt he have just been silly without the game seemingly hating him for trying to have fun. like most of his moveset is based around being annoying its. its weird man idk. also the fact this is a fucking item in the game

when i got this for the first time i put my head in my fucking hands man this sucks.

Basil. basil could have been an EXTREMELY interesting character but hes just so. whiny. it gets old really fast. the final fight with him was pretty good i guess. i dont have much to say about him sadly because i just like. dont remember. nothing with him stuck with me. OH WAIT the black space bit where you repeatedly kill him in extremely gruesome ways was. kind of fucking weird. because hes 10. it was unnecessary like if you REALLY wanted the fact that sunny is trying so hard to repress anything that reminds him of what he did to be represented through basil dying you could have just done it a couple times idk. weird scene.

ok moving on from characters the art is. a lot. its very hard to tell the dream world party members apart because omocat just has really bad same fact syndrome, it doesnt help that they all have the same color palettes. speaking of color palettes why do the overworld sprites white wash kel and hero. its less noticeable with hero but like. come on man its not hard to color pick your own art

still on the art the fact everything moves is fun in concept but REALLY distracting in execution. theres been multiple fights (specifically sweetheart, the king crawler and humphrey) where i've gotten awful headaches and had to take a break because i felt sick from all the movement lol. also the animation for releasing energy does NOT help who thought making the screen shake that much was a good idea dear god. like seriously this game needs to have some kind of warning

using sweetheart as an excuse to talk about how the dream world its such a fucking slog. i UNDERSTAND the point is that sunny is doing everything in his power to not reach the truth so he creates roadblocks but oh my goddddddd its so annoying to constantly have the plot take a backseat so we can go to a wedding or go to a casino or GO IN THAT STUPID FUCKING WHALE. the fact that there is a fucking mod that removes the humphrey segment should say enough. like that part in particular was soooooo fucking bad. its so boring. the humphrey fight has THREE FUCKING PHASES. I DONT KNOW WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA BUT THEY SHOULD BE KILLED. ITS AN AWFUL EXPERIENCE

the emotion system is an interesting idea but i wish they did more with it. once you figure out that everyone has one theyre best with you stop playing with them. it stopped being fun to battle because its just make aubrey angry -> make sunny sad -> make kel happy -> have hero do fucking nothing -> hit them. idk maybe they could have had like. special emotions for boss fights?? im not sure how that'd work but i wish they added little twists every now and then to keep all the battles from feeling the same.

the real world isnt much better honestly. all the aubrey shit made me angry and the battles are so weirdly unfair its just not fun. like it doesnt penalize you for losing real world battles but its like. idk they suck. also the fact it doesnt tell you food doesnt heal you in the real world fucked me up when i first played because i was so used to the dream world i spent all my money on soda and then spent the entirety of the real world on like 1 hp i cant add spoilers on tumblr so animal harm/death and suicide warning for this next part. if you dont want to read that theres nothing else after it so youre good to just stop reading now

i dont like the black space. like i briefly went over it in the basil segment but it left such a bad taste in my mouth. especially the part where you are seemingly "forced" to cut your fucking cat open as it begs you to free it and the only way to not hurt it is to kill yourself?? ok.

speaking of which the fact the only way to leave the dream world and wake up is to kill yourself complete with a little sound effect is weird to me. idk man omori is 10 im not exactly keen on watching a child kill himself several times.

honestly the games handling of suicide is gross to me. obviously i dont think you should never talk about suicide i think its a very important topic but they way its handled in omori is almost. glorified? idk if that the right word. omori/sunny can kill himself so many times in this game and i just found that a little weird. also basil can kill himself and you can see his body just. sitting there. ok im running out of writing steam if i think of anything else i'll make another post or you have any follow up questions let me know im gonna go watch scott the woz

[princeanxious]

I saw your potion post and figured I'd let you know that I'm lowkey looking for a new multichapter writing project and if you wanted to collab I'd be down for that. So, like, if you wanted to actually make a fic I wouldn't mind writing it if you just provided the worldbuilding/character info. It's just an offer, but it's on the table if you're interested.

Anyways, have a nice day. :)

*hugs* I genuinely appreciate the offer!!! And that be cool if you really wanted to, but I also know that part of my reasoning for selecting the ' being able to finish wips' option was bc like. You can ask @this-is-ske and @hikarisakurariver just how many aus I have worldbuilding and the complete stories rambled out that have yet to see the light of tumblr just bc one, i dont have the time to sit and write them out in the full coherent story-like manner that i'd want to write them out, and two, I have so fucking many ideas that come and go once ive fully rambled them out, that if i had the ability to finish wips on the regular, i'd be able to keep up with my ever constant influx of circulating ideas without guilt for picking up yet another au without even discussing the last previous three, yknow???

That and the amount of fics I already have started that have been unfinished for years still weigh on me just a tad bc id like to finish them and cant lol fkfkfhdjdkfn

But your offer is def appreciated, and id be happy to ramble an idea @ u if you need someone to bounce ideas off of~ ^^

Have a good day as well!!!!

[julethiefs]

carmen sandiego as the jatp soundtrack

actually yes i am going to combine my two favorite tv shows and you can’t stop me <33

now or never

“clocks move forward // but we don't get older, no”

“keep dreaming like we’re living forever // but live it like it’s now or never”

“and even if we hit the ground, we’ll keep flying”

this song just ??? *screams* carmen right after she escaped vile... her being so excited to explore the world and not caring about falling down and her enthusiasm to stop vile without really knowing what they’re like yet... yeah 

wake up

“get out, get out, relight that spark”

“its not what you lost, its what you’ll gain”

“better wake those demons, look them in the eye”

this song has such jules vibes (jules is definitely julie in this hypothetical au... even besides the names its just so perfect), and besides the fact that julia’s mom is also dead (see necklace theory) jules finding this song and singing it would be so amazing i cannot handle this 

this band is back

“we gotta get ready, cause its been years” 

“can you hear me” “LOUD AND CLEAR”

team red singing this band is back is something that can actually be so personal... 

bright

“life is a risk, but i will take it”

“we will fight to shine together, bright forever”

“together, i think that we can make it” 

do i. do i really have to say how much julethief this is. the way they shine and work well together, the way everything they do is the epitome of a risk but they do it anyways, the way together they can stop vile. yeah i’ll stop now 

flying solo

“my life, my life, would be real low, zero, flying solo”

“if somebody hurts you, im going to get hurt too”

yes i know this song is julie singing to flynn. in this au its jules singing to carmen (or vice versa idk) the amount of brainrot this au can hold... nobody mention stockholm but yeah it definitely fits and just. scream.

i got the music

“weight off my shoulders, dancing instead”

“can't stop the music // back inside my soul” 

i don’t even have coherent reasoning for this one i just think we should get to see jules sing this song and have player rap flynn’s parts. as a treat <3

the other side of hollywood

“we could go make history or you could rest in peace”

“everything has got a price but happiness is free”

“the rain don’t blind the rising souls // they got too much to see”

we all agree that hgc is basically vile but more dramatic and less green, right? also ive been trying to think of which of the faculty would be caleb in this au... i’m guessing countess cleo is the only one who could really pull it off well? but yeah... tr getting stuck at the hgc would be so so good and painrot

finally free

“hearts on fire // we’re no liars // so we say what we wanna say”

“i wanna fly // come alive // watch me fly”

“i got a spark in me” 

“been so long, and now we’re finally free” 

“now till eternity”

this is the ultimate julethief song actually i will not shut up about it (hence the excess of quotes). just !! the way its abt them not hiding anymore, “now till eternity” with “transcends space and time” ... yeah sounds like canon to me 😋  there’s so so so much quality content in this song i love it so much and just. this with julethief ???? my heart can’t handle this kind of excitement

perfect harmony

“bittersweet love story about a girl”

“two worlds collide when i’m with you” 

“we come to life when we’re in perfect harmony”

yes i know this was cs as jatp songs apparently somewhere along the line it dissolved into julethief but honestly are any of us surprised ??? its just so so perfect the way the lyrics describe them is just LGSHDAFLS “two worlds collide” (acme vs jules’s personal wants/desires) “in perfect harmony” *cough cought* did anyone mention the duane interview? no  ‘they work in harmony even when they’re not in the same scenes” yeah practically the same thing !!  (edit bc carmen pointed this out and i am screaming: perfect harmony is basically the tsonts dance scene and i cannot get over this) 

edge of great

“running from the past, tripping on the now” 

“what is lost can be found, its obvious”

“i believe that we’re just one dream // away from who we’re meant to be” 

“we’re standing on the edge of great” 

EDGE OF GREAT MY BELOVED !!! this song is SO iconic and you know whats even more iconic ??? the way it works so perfectly with carmen sandiego... carmen and jules post canon ?? 👀👀👀. i am looking at the lost/found line in particular for that but all of it works so so well (also side note but i would die if we got the classic juke nose scrunches with julethief actually)

unsaid emily

“i should have turned around // but i had too much pride” 

“and write in every empty space the words “i love you” in replace”

“the words i most regret are the ones i never meant to leave // unsaid emily”

to be honest this is the song that stumped me the most? it would take a bit of canon reconfiguring- either we’re making brunt more sympathetic (ew) or carmen grew up with carlotta and then had a falling out ??? i think that would make more sense, especially with carmen trying so hard to find her again after 25 years (the timeline matches closer than expected actually 👀 ) this song is peak painrot so have fun with this besties <33

you got nothing to lose

“ain’t nothing quite like living on the edge” 

“i’m chasing down a thrill, looking fit to kill” 

“you got nothing to lose, boys”

this scene would be so terrifying actually like, we already got the dark!carmen trauma so watching caleb have the ability to manipulate her would just be ABSOLUTE painrot *distant screaming* also the way the offer would be so tempting to team red ?? just bc carmens whole life is living on the edge, chasing down thrills, and being unable to settle down but she stays for jules i. yeah im soft what about it 

stand tall

“and it’s one, two, three, four times // i’ll try for one more night” 

“whatever happens // even if i’m the last standing // imma stand tall” 

“keep holding on, never look back” 

“i keep going on when it’s all falling apart // yeah i know it with all my heart”

thinking thoughts... julethief post canon with this song.... yeah i would be decimated on impact just the way jules thought carmen left but CARMEN COMES BACK.... canon ? i dont know her <33

in conclusion julethief/cs jatp au supremaki besties ♥️

[adminsoffice]

glad the novelai post piqued some interest- i dont wanna ramble too hard about it on this blog since this is less about HL and more about the AI but to those curious- i have been into AI text generation for a while now, and used to use AIdungeon initially until it uh, kinda went to shit. novelAI is newer (and being worked on actively) but it is much more my style anyways since i practically attempted to write novel-like in AIdungeon. novelAI does not force you to play like a 'text game', and you can write like how you'd typically write a fic/book.

NovelAI also gives the ability to train models off your own material- it should generally coherent, like one author or one fandom/media. the HL one i tested was done with very few steps and also very limited material (i havent read every fic i uploaded, either so there would be issues there- just wanted to go nuts and see what it did). limited material as in, novelAI's own modules are made with 3MB of content at least and even tho i copied a lot of fics (or at least it seemed like a lot? about 100k words maybe more) that only amounted to um, 700KB in the end. ill probably try again, gathering far more stories across more than just ao3, trying to make sure i vet them to make sure they make sense along everything else, and see if i can get something better. should be said the test runs i have done have also included a lorebook of entries based on the universe as well- i didnt test without it so i wouldnt know if the AI is purely working off the module or off the lorebook, but i can say a lorebook with a basic existing module did not work nearly as well. the module certainly picks up on character traits in writing.

anyways. novelAI is fun- just know that to use it more you have to pay to some degree and that this is a messy process im not showing so it may be a turn off. but im on the lowest tier and having a good time! i use this kinda stuff A LOT in my free time so its worth it for me. i have one story that is upwards of 50 pages and a loose attempt at an AU with gordon joining breen- to push the limit of what the module learned (none of the fics were AUs) and i really went hard on it for two days to get that much text generated. certainly fun when im too tired to write myself and have ideas im not sure i want to explore fully myself.

regardless im happy it didnt take much to acheive the AI understanding the incredible gay energy between barney and gordon. not sure how much more powerful it can get

[chikkou]

ok i had to sleep on it after playing deltarune cause i was absolutely shooketh and needed time to gather my thoughts but now? I Am Ready. Prepare Yourselves

(spoilers below the cut)

ok im just gonna do this bulletpoint style cause its still too soon for me to coherently write any deltarune thinkpieces LMAO but heres my thoughts:

fucking LOVED the music in this chapter. ngl i had no clue how toby was gonna top deltarune chapter 1 but he fucking DID?? cyber fields may actually be one of my top 5 favorite songs now between undertale AND deltarune chapter 1. it is just genuinely phenomenal. i also really love the song in the queens castle and B I G S H O T

speaking of big shot, idk abt yall but the only parts of the game where i felt genuinely disconcerted were whenever spamton was on screen. hes very similar to jevil but while jevils motif is KIND of based in something human, spamton feels distinctly inhuman by comparison... like proper uncanny valley. its really really creepy fkjlsdfs (in a good way tho LMAO)

the queen is 100% my favorite villain as of yet. her character reminds me a LOT of roxy from homestuck and i wouldnt be surprised if there was a bit of homestuck influence there (cause like... her typing quirk is literally kanayas typing quirk sdkfjsdfs). i was fucking DYING every time Kris Get The Banana popped up. shes also a pretty good parody of the villain redemption arc too given how quickly she flips upon finding out that the world would be destroyed if they opened more dark fountains LMAO

i was at the edge of my seat throughout the entire ending sequence, just waiting to see what the fuck was gonna happen - it was paced super well and was really really suspenseful. its clear to me now that kris is the one who keeps opening up the dark fountains as a form of some kind of escapism, and may be the knight themselves, but WHAT theyre escaping from is what really interests me. whatever it is, i believe it definitely has something to do with their family situation

asgore being a former police officer who was forced to resign is REALLY fascinating, but also somewhat concerning to me. i dont think toby would try to get too Real World Subtext with it, but i am sincerely hoping this doesnt end up being a thinly veiled allegory for some version of police brutality, especially given that asgore in undertale was just killing every human that fell into the underground because it was “his duty”

in chapter 1 i was thinking that the bunker at the south of town could maybe be the original entrance to the underground, but the conversation you stumble upon down there strongly suggests its something else, and whatever it is, i think it caused kris some pretty severe trauma since monster kid mocks them for being a “scaredy cat” after they saw what was inside. this actually supports my personal theory that the game is not a direct sequel, but rather some kind of timeline-adjacent alternate universe in which monsters were never pushed into the underground

like in undertale, kris being the only human is still notable here - theres a book the player can read upstairs called something like “how to care for a human,” which the flavor text notes that toriel has apparently checked out dozens of times over the years. so when toriel calls the police after finding her cars tires slashed, i wonder if she was able to be so calm about it because it had happened before.

on a somewhat lighter note, the exchange between sans, toriel, and asgore in the grocery store was SO. FUCKING. AWKWARD. THAT ILL TIMED JOKE BY ASGORE AND THEN HIS ENSUING AWKWARD CONVERSATION WITH SANS AFTER TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO “WIN HER BACK”.... MY GOD THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT I FELT

and my last thing (for now) is that i am extremely curious about kris’s ability to rip their soul out, seemingly at will, and to put it back in when they want. i havent yet figured out what the correlation is - what we know is that both times weve seen them do this, they have drawn a knife (to steal slices of pie LMAO), and, presumably, slashed the tires of their mothers car. their reasons for doing the latter are still pretty unclear to me, but perhaps theres some sort of ritual-type steps a person has to take in order to open up a dark fountain, and cutting things up is a part of it? i truly have no idea but this is my best guess atm

these are all the thoughts i have rn but man... tl;dr deltarune chapter 2 FUCKS and im genuinely so fucking excited for the next chapter, whenever it comes out... really hoping toby pulls a homestuck epilogue and drops it like a week after saying it “might be a while” fgkjdfd

[boxofbadaddiction]

Sure to Spark Rumours

Harry Potter x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 4 & 5

"Hi I'm [y/n or Character], I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable."

"I wish I could but I don't want to."

Warnings: a single curse word.

-my first time ever writing for Harry-

Umbridge had it out for Harry. No matter what he did his sheer existence just seemed to land him in strife. She were determined, it appeared, to punish him over even the smallest of incidents. At this point he'd simply come to expect them.

So, as the various groups of students gathered within the Castle Courtyard watched her Tiny, Gargoyle-like figure barrell across the way towards the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry prepared himself for the worst. Although, he had to admit this weren't a particularly "small" incident this time.

Crabbe and Goyle had been tormenting a Hufflepuff second year as Harry noticed passing by on his way to meet Ron and Hermione. He had warned the two if they didn't stop they'd soon regret it. Naturally, they didn't listen. Rather making matters decidedly worse for themselves by shoving the tiny student down against the stone floor. As a result Crabbe currently found himself sprouting Bat wings across his face, while Goyle fished himself from the slime of the Courtyard fountain. Rushing his dimwitted best friend to the infirmary with a lame threat thrown over his shoulder.

An action which of course caught the attention of the Hogwarts High Inquisitor immediately.

"My, my, my. Mr Potter. Care to explain yourself?" She smiled sweetly up at the boy. Harry glared back at the woman before him with an utterly unimpressed expression. "Please, enlighten me, on what possible grounds could one justify such a heinous attack on a fellow pupil?" Silence. Harry didn't trust the words rolling on the tip of his tongue not to make matters infinitely worse than they already were. "Given the circumstances and your rather...unpleasant, track record there really is no alternative. Yes, I'm afraid suspension is the only -"

"It wasn't Harry!" a voice called. Eyes all turned to its source where a girl was striding proudly towards the pair.

"I beg your pardon?" "It was me. I did it, Harry had nothing to do with it." Harrys eyes went wide, mouth falling open slightly at the girls words. "Is that so?" Umbridge spoke in an unconvinced tone. "Yes. They were bullying some second year and I wouldn't stand for it. I hexed Crabbe then stunned Goyle." The girl stood so confidently before them Harry wondered if she weren't crazy. She had to be to confess to such a thing. He didn't even know her name, yes they were in the same year - he'd seen her in a few of his classes but no more than that. Why would she cover for him?

His eyes traced her body, stopping on the tie which hung from her neck. Green. Why on Earth...

"I must say I find your declaration rather unlikely, Miss?"

"[Y/L/N]."

"Miss [Y/L/N]. Seeing as Harry is the one with his wand drawn, standing in the middle of the courtyard and you were not."

"Didn't fancy sticking around after the fact." She stated bluntly. "Check my wand if you dont believe me. See the last spell I cast." The Slytherin pulled her wand from the pocket of her robes, holding it out expectantly for the Teacher to take. "I hardly find that necessary. Potter is clearly the guilty culprit."

"Then why would I confess?"

"To cover for your friend, of course."

"Friend? I'm friend no of Gryffindor."

"Perhaps I'll simply ask the two unfortunate victims of this assault. That ought to clear this matter up."

"They'll never admit to being bested by a Witch. They'll happily feed into your lie that this was Harrys doing. Much to your satisfaction I'm sure."

"My dear girl, why would that ever bring me any satisfaction?"

"Because he's your favourite toy." The girl shot fiercely. "We all know it." Umbridge began grinding her teeth in frustration before her sickly sweet, fake, smile was forced back upon her face. "That's quiet enough." "Is it?"

A crowd had gathered by now, all captivated by the scene before them. By the amount of attitude being spat in their Teachers face.

"Very well, Miss [Y/L/N] if you would accompany me to my office where we can discuss your actions in private."

"Mmm, I wish I could but I don't want to." She smiled. "The walk just isn't worth the punishment you won't give me. Seeing as how I'm Slytherin so, really, why bother with the added leg work."

"This is not a matter of want. It is obligation. It is a direct order a-"

"And I have refused."

"My office, Miss [Y/L/N] now. I won't ask agai-"

"No."

"DETENTION! Miss [Y/L/N]. 6pm. Tomorrow night, my office." The girl grinned before her angry professor "It's a date." "Be late and the repercussions will be...severe." "I wouldn't miss it for the world." She winked, deliberately antagonising her now.

Umbridge turned sharply on her heel, eyeing the gathered crowd with her head held high before strutting away.

Stunned and excited voices began to swirl amongst the onlookers as to what they just witnessed. A Slytherin just stood up for Harry Potter? This was a scandal! It would be interesting to hear the rumours which this sparked through the school by dinner tonight.

"You shouldn't have done that" Harry spoke, finally having found his voice. "You're welcome." "You have no idea what she's like. What she's capable of. What she's-" "You've faced Voldemort head on, don't tell me you're scared of a Strawberry Shitcake in there." She guestured with her head in the direction Umbridge had walked away. Harrys brows furrowed at her comment. He wasn't sure what took him most by surprise; the fact she wasn't afraid to say the true name of You-Know-Who, the amusing nickname for Umbridge or the fact she was making a joke at a time like this. As silence overtook them while he contemplated what had just unfolded the atmosphere quickly became awkward. The pressure of countless eyes bearing down on the pair certainly didn't help.

"Hi, I'm [Y/N] I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable." [Y/N] reached her hand out to Harry in greeting to break the silence between them.

Stunned but rather amused a slight chuckle rolled from the back of Harrys throat while he reached, shaking the outstretched hand.

"Why did you-"

"Save your ass?"

"Yeah."

"Can't let you hold all the attention now can we?' [Y/N] smiled as she placed her hands in her pockets before her smile faded completely. With a quick glance around the square to ensure they were far enough from being within ear shot of anyone over hearing their conversation she continued in a whisper, "Look, I'm a friend of...someone's...who's in your little 'club'. I know what you're doing and I fully support it. So when I heard her talking about your suspension I-I couldn't let that happen."

Harry, yet again, was at a loss as her words clouded his brain. She knew? Who told her? A Slytherin supported him? The swirling of questions made him dizzy and soon found himself feeling very uncomfortable in this situation.

She was so different from any other Slytherin he'd met, she seemed kind and there was something relaxing about being in her presence. Something familiar in the warmth of her smile. The effect she had on him was odd to say the least as he were unable to form a single coherent sentence, left but a stuttering awkward mess.

"You a-you may very well be the first Slytherin to ever get a detention from her." [Y/N] laughed at his comment. Thankful for his ability to restore the light-hearted atmosphere. The two stood staring gleefully between one another for a moment. Perhaps a moment too long...

Harry cleared his throat, running a hand through the soft curls of his untamed hair. "Well I'd-a better get-get going. Ron and Hermione are waiting for me. It's where I was heading before I-I mean you attacked Malfoys cronies." He smiled.

"Yeah, no, of course. I'm sorry to hold you." She spoke sincerely. "Thanks again, if you ever need anything I really owe you." He began walking backwards from her. She nodded in reply before turning to walk back to her friend group when...

"[Y/N]!" Harry was sprinting back towards her. "About that friend of yours, next time they-they're ya know. Tag along. Won't you?" His vivid green eyes flickered frantically between her [E/C] ones. A bright smile spread across her features, "yeah? Okay, absolutely!" "Great! I'll see you there then" Harry had been a bit taken back as she accepted but shock quickly subsidised for something else entirely. Excitement? His heart was fluttering in anticipation as he ran off, a giddy smile on his lips.

Just wait until Ron and Hermione hear about this...

[tigerdrop]

13, 14, 31 and 32

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic? 

oh my god do i. i cant Not outline stuff! id never know what the fuck to write without planning out scenes and themes first! i usually start off with a very rough outline and then refine it as i go, expanding things and adding new scenes and linking things together. so something that starts off as “running thru the trains! being shot at by combine! narrowly avoiding getting hit by a fucking train!” gets expanded into more specific scenes, like “benrey fucks up the jump onto the train and gets clobbered by it and gordon’s Freaked The Fuck Out (within reason). but benrey’s just like ‘yo i’m fine,’ already demonstrating his inhuman abilities”. and then that gets written up into The Whole Fic

i think - not to toot my own horn - that people wouldnt get much of a headache from it. i think its neat to see what makes it into the final work and what gets cut, and my outlines are very organized. (they have to be, or else id never make any headway - the outline for coop game theory is tens of thousands of words long!) scrivener is awesome for keeping track of this stuff and making massive projects manageable

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not? 

i do, mostly b/c i dont feel like i can tell a coherent story in less than a couple thousand words LMAO......this number used to be somewhere around 3k for me in the past, but shit changes. nowadays i aim for 7-8k for things i write, whether theyre one-offs or individual chapters, but i do really respect people who can actually write shit concisely

31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones? 

jesus christ i love writing gordon freeman. ive always loved roleplaying as bitchy, snotty characters, and hes got that in spades. it comes very easily to me b/c i am also a snotty bitch. and i get to put a lot of myself into him, too - his thought processes, his foul mouth, his perpetual anxiety, his tendency to be distracted and get lost in his own head and stress out about every possible fucking thing he could stress out about? its like dumping raw id onto the page. and, somehow, people like it and think its in character! its awesome!

[littlx-songbxrd]

The Royal au that you and @styxdrawings have been talking is just *chefs kiss* it hasn’t left my mind since I saw the first post about it

(Also, I’m going to listen to the playlist tomorrow, well today, you know what I mean it’s 12:40am, my mind is gone 😂)

Im out here planning 3 aus + my actual wip the ability to have coherent thoughts has left me and I dont know how much more I can continue to write

So i get it

GOOD NIGHT LELA

IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE AU TRULY ITS ALL @styxdrawings MAKING

JAJA SURE! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS

[certifiedceraunophile]

I can see that you're not a native English speaker but your grasp on the language is applaudable how long have you been learning?

Your writing (both tumblr posts and fanfiction) have a classical elegance to it and it's hard for even native speakers to communicate their thoughts as beautifully as you do 💙 Have you taken some special training for it?

Oh my god angel anon this is so sweet, and lmao you're right I'm not a native speaker like at all, tbvvh I struggle a lot w english, always have like I'd score the lowest in it out of all my subjects in high school, ugh my total percentage always took a hit bc of it -_- wont ever stop being salty about it ngl, so no I've had no real training whatsoever beyond like the general compulsory learning in school, and also anybody who chats w me for like more than a minute will immediately know that idgaf about spellings or sentence structure or general coherency in my day to day english, Lmao which reminds me the other day I literally told someone I ~idealize~ I look up to in every way possible when it comes to writing *cough* Jenn @cbk1000 *cough* that “……blah something blah…..I teached...blah blah” while talking and I didnt notice it for like a hot second and Jenn is too sweet (sort of) to point it out but oh my god I was mortified by it when I realized what I had said, but honestly what throws me is that I didn't really notice it was wrong for a long time and like I thought it was a-ok until it hit me that it’s taught.

So in all honesty my english is as good as any non-native speaker who had to learn the language growing up strictly for school purposes.

That being said in my ff writing I just try really really pathetically hard when I write, like the pretension leaps out and tries to reproduce whatever I myself have consumed so far in terms of writing and recycle it as my own crap, I just have this ability (it's not a special thing everyone does it lmao) to subsume what I read and I mostly just take sentences, metaphors and other writerly things sometimes even just the mood/setting of the writing that strike me and rewrite it w an added touch of pretension and it's actually really tangible how much I allow what I read to drastically affect how I write and since I read a weird eclectic mix of really….just a lot of different things that shouldn't really go together lol, my writing style/ narrator voice/ mood setting for my ff also varies a lot, like one day I write Klaus w a satire and critical wit that’s not exactly Voltaire but close, where he’s pretty much just disgusted by everything and decides to mock it all with a straight face and the next day I write him as a lil pining shit with saccharine levels of romanticism in my writing to appeal to his artist-soul mostly bc I sat my ass down and read a poem or two by Keats prior to writing, other days he’s cute and murderous, wears human teeth as jewelry and is just a tiny bit poignant bc I had a date with Poe….so yeah basically what I’m trying to say is that the only "training" I've ever had is what I've already read all these years and what I write is just all the text I've kept w myself and can recollect and re-arrange into my own writing, which is why I would never consider my work to be something that’s completely and originally mine bc I have this personal saying that goes, 

“Everything I see is an image of an image.”

Which to me means a lot of things but in this particular context means that nothing I create belongs to me and only me, it belongs to every writer I’ve read before writing it and will be reminisced by every author who I’ll read after it, that everything I create is just what creators before me have done but have allowed me to take their creations and make it mine before I too pass it on with love and history to the next person.

I also have another quote I feel in every inch of my heart and that’s

"I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women and men that I have loved; all the cities I have visited."

-Jorge Luis Borges

So really this is just my personal...philosophy?? Belief, that I owe my creativity to the world and everything it creates *through* me because I don't own the beauty, I’m only a lens through which it passes through, that my creativity refracts the world's beauty into my life and my creations, and I am glad, blessed to have been the lens through which such beauty passes through.

And that I am more than happy to just be another image who is someone else’s reflection or the very object someone else will reflect, I love how much that connects every human being and every object of beauty, of creation in existence inescapably.

Now I’ve rambled on a lot like a LOT, definitely wayyyyyy more than that simple ask warranted lmao so I’ll shut up and just say you’re the sweetest lovely anon this message made me feel so very flattered and I genuinely think I blushed (and trust me brown girls cannot blush mostly bc the melanin wont let the pink filter through lmao) and I am honoured to know that you thought I took some professional coaching for this because I literally am the most amateur absolutely clueless bullshit your way through everything writer you will find out there and I am ngl proud of that.

(like seriously dude the other day I learnt for the first time how to use a semi colon and I s2g I wanted to dig a hole and bellyflop into it after realizing how many bloody times I’ve used a semi colon wrong like jfc someone kill me before I do it myself it’s mortifying)

eenyways *tackle hugs* thank you for making me smile and for your kind words youre absolutely precious 💖 and I dont deserve the compliments but I am never gonna let them go bc they make my heart warm.

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget