#i dont have too much art to show for the past few weeks

[smallerdelta]

the 1st one is one of the pieces i did for a commission for @thatstarboi a bit ago!! i liked the colors n such on this particular one, so i thought id share. it was a great first commission experience and they were extremely patient and kind!

and also some misc doodles from a few weeks ago!!

[ask-october-fox]

Hey OctoberFox! Welcome back! I've been a spirit viewing from afar ever since my partner introduced me to your existence a few years ago, so happy to see you're doing well! We always make sure to stock up on apple cider frycakes when we can (and apples, of course), so if you'd like an offering we can set some aside at a shrine.

I wanted to ask you a question... well, maybe advice is the better word to choose here. I've been diving into a lot of things over the past couple of years: voice acting, blender/3D art, and coding to name a few. However, I often find myself either losing all confidence or interest in these things (that I find myself loving to do) after a few weeks of investment. As an entity that has continued to push forward and return with dedication year after year, do you have any words of wisdom you could offer this lost spirit? I apologize if I'm asking for too much, but different perspectives makes a complete picture and I feel like knowing yours would be helpful.

Hello dear spirit! I am so glad that you could join me this year! Also a an extended "thank you" to your partner for introducing my little corner of the world to you. I hope you have been enjoying it. As for your question, that is a tough one I would have to say, but do know that the feelings that you have are very normal. Im not too sure what to tell you in terms of you losing interest- unless losing interest is part of the losing confidence, but either way please dont be hard on yourself for having a fleeting passion for one project before moving to another. I suppose that inspiration is a finicky thing like that! As for the losing confidence, please know that this happens to literally everyone. I think part of that can be how we see others around us, social media has a tendency to show usually the best of someone's work all while hiding the mistakes, trials, and errors to get where they are now. To be honest, it is very hard to be where we want to be with the hobbies and passions that we love, because for most of us, there is no true ceiling. Once we reach one step, we're already looking ahead trying to get to the next, and then the next, and so on. Its a want to be better, to strive for more, and its a beautiful and frustrating thing. If it helps at all, when I first started as a spirit guide I was... not very good at it. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was supposed to do! I made so many mistakes, its almost embarrassing to admit. But I kept going, because for all the mistakes I made, there were times when I could help someone, and when I could help one person.. I could help two.. or three. Each person I helped has become a memory that I keep close to my heart, and when I feel like maybe I cant do this, I try and remember those times. If I can make one person smile, or offer some words of comfort; if I can do one good thing for someone, then I know im going in the right direction. Its because of you spirits is what has kept my own fire alive for all these years, and because of that I want to be better not just for myself, but for all of you as well. Also another thing to keep in mind is that projects and hobbies are meant to be fun! If they start to become work, or a drag, step away from it. Dont turn something that you love into something that you hate all due to some imaginary pressure to be perfect from the get go. After all life is short, yes? Why spend that time not enjoying yourself? So keep going! Keep trying! Keep making mistakes and keep learning! Try new things and try old things! After all, if you feel like youve hit rock bottom.. then the only other way to go is up. I hope that wasnt too lengthy, but if they helped you-even a little, then know that will be another memory that I will carry with me for the rest of my days. Take care, spirit. Be kind to yourself 🤍🖤🧡🕯️

.....are those treats still available...? 👀

[platypies]

my cult of the lamb modern au because this idea has been cooking in my brain for the past week

excuse my rambles this is probably gonna be extremely unorganized and random but I DONT CARE RAAAHHH 🔥🔥🔥

also i just learned how to do one of those break things so my ramblings are under the break

narinder is a single dad to baal and aym, he adopted the twins when they were about three years old. i didn't think too much about jobs he could have and stuff so idk. he's been no contact with his siblings for a few years at this point after an incident (don't worry they'll all make up at some point)

in this au, the lamb's name is agnus. their friends just call them their last name, lambert (it's silly i know). agnus grew up in the south (southern accent lamb is real trust) and moved up north right before high school. they were pretty popular in high school had a huuuge crush on narinder (who was not at all popular for his reputation of being a dick and probably starting fights) all four years. they end up becoming an elementary school teacher, and imagine their surprise when on parent-teacher conference night, their old high school crush walks in after not seeing him for more than 10 years after graduation.

the bishops are all biological siblings (half-siblings, since they're all different species) they all got the tall genes though, except for leshy. they're also all autistic. i don't make the rules here (yes i do)

shamura is probably a lawyer? (cause... knowledge and stuff??? idk.) they're definitely the type of sibling to bring up embarrassing childhood memories and keep photo albums of their siblings to show and embarrass them with lol. they also still text narinder every holiday/birthday to wish him well, even though he never replies. they definitely worry about and miss their baby brother

kallamar is a doctor. don't rlly have much to say about him but narinder definitely still freaks him out. i also like to think he took up painting or something art related as a hobby as some kind of way to destress with his anxiety and everything

heket is a professional chef. she probably scares little kids on the street with her rbf. absolutely has anger issues too. actually, think of gordon ramsay if he was a lesbian and a frog. there she is. also didn't have too much to say about her either oops

leshy probably does something plant related? not too sure yet. anyways like i said, he's the only one who didn't inherit the bishop tall genes. his siblings ABSOLUTELY make fun of him for it. also, i imagine his first word was 'fuck', because at that point narinder realized if he said a word enough times at his baby brother, he would probably repeat it. shamura was less than happy with this.

anyways those are kind of my little thoughts on this au i MIGHT write about it sometime if i get the plot in order idk

if anyone has any thoughts feel free to share them i'd love to hear them

[pjblob]

OC time! Prolly a bit early considering I made this tumblr alive again like a week ago but yk what i dont care.

Meet my PJ Masks OC Kitsu! To be honest, she was my first OC ever made… back then I was still trying to find a nice art style and I was too shy to make OCs. But yeah I saw other people making OCs so i was like “yo why not try it myself!”, so i made her back in 2017? 2018? Somewhere during season 3 of the show. She has gotten so many redesigns, but i’m pretty chill with this one for now :]

Her personality:

She is cunning and mischievous, always trying to find new ways of entertaining herself. She’s sharp-witted and a quick thinker, but can make very stupid decisions sometimes, especially when she’s full of herself. She normally can’t take criticism and will most likely take it as a joke, if not insult you back. She does love to tease people, trying to push them to their limits for the soul purpose of entertainment. She rarely takes anybody seriously, which is why she sees herself as higher than others. But below that, she’s very loyal and does care for the people she trusts the most.

She doesn’t know what her purpose is in this world, so she tries to just make the best of her experience by doing anything she wants. And the best way to do that is by causing conflict between everyone else. She’s not on anyone’s side really,, She will change sides depending on how fun it’ll be for her. Which does make her quite lonely at times. girly just needs some friends 😭😭💔

So her powers:

Kitsu has shape shifting powers, can take the form of anyone and anything she wants, but won’t inherit the powers of the one who’s trying to mimic. She can hold the form for as long as she likes. Her second power is Agility. She’s quite fast, can climb easily and dodge with no problem.

Now her backstory:

It’s pretty hard to talk about her backstory, because it’s very similar to munki-gu. Again, she was created wayy before him and it just so happened that the writers came up with the same idea. So I was kinda forced to change it 🥲

So in her verse, before mystery mountain was a floating island above the city, it was a part of a different universe. The mountain was on a land, where there was a village protected by 4 mountains, all on different sides of the land. The Dragon mountain of the East, the Vermilion Bird mountain of the South, the White Tiger mountain of the West and the Turtle mountain of the North(yes this is a reference to the four symbols, look it up). In the middle of these mountains was a town, which was protected by these mountains. An Yu lived on the dragon mountain. Since she was born of the “dragon blood”, she would be trained to become the protector of the mountain. (yes i have made designs for the other protectors too >:3)

There were loads of magical creatures living amongst the humans, most of which were harmful to them. So An Yu’s ancestors, having so much power and control, decided it would be best to imprison the creatures to prevent further harm. (hence why Munki-gu was imprisoned too) Kitsune’s were a big harm to society however, that their magical box prisons weren’t enough, considering they could shapeshift. So they decided to exterminate them all. An Yu witnessing all of it, decided to secretly save just one (that being Kitsu).

Years later, there was a war between the mountain guardians and ninjas, who wanted to steal their powers (I thought Night ninja and his ninjalinos could be descendants of them). It ended up in the universe getting completely destroyed, with An Yu having to sacrifice herself to save her mountain, getting imprisoned in the gong as a result. An Yu, after getting rescued, still held the burden of her ancestors imprisoning Kitsu’s species, so ashamed of their past actions, that she never tried to set Kitsu free. She was too scared to confront her, since she thought her and other magical creatures would rise against her and blame her for everything.

A few days after the PJ Masks rescue An Yu in the show, one day, they decide to give her a visit. While An Yu was showing the PJs around the pagoda, Catboy becomes a bit too curious and finds the box where Kitsu was imprisoned, accidentally letting her out in the process. When Kitsu was set free, she needed to give herself a new physical form, so she chose to mimic the first person to let her out, that being Catboy. But since she can only mimic the physical appearance of someone and not their powers, her “PJ Mask” suit didn’t include an animal symbol on her chest. Her suit can still light up when using her own powers though. Finally let out, she fled into the city, until she was ready to start causing mischief. After that, An Yu forbid the PJs from entering the mountain for a while, but still blaming herself for letting her guard down and letting Kitsu free.

so that’s what I have so far, the rest will be decided with time since the show is episodic annd literally anything can happen xd

hope u enjoyed reading this paragraph 🫶🫶ndhdhdhjd

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for refusing to do any more art commissions for my mom's friends?

Ok so I (19nb) am a digital artist. If I had to honestly rate my skills I would put them somewhere in the "good enough to get a few commissions but not professional level" range and I wanted to do it professionally.

Keyword being wanted but I'll get to that

Now my mother has been showing off my art pieces to her friends (no problem with this) and it got one of my mom's friends to ask her if I could draw make icons for the website of her upcoming business back in late April (basically one big icon for the main page and five smaller ones, so six in total, all fully rendered) and paid 200 dollars for all of it (which thinking back was extremely low for the amount of time and effort that I put into that if I was going by living wage effort and time)

So I did that, got the money, spent it all and was happy.

And now yesterday (july 6th) my mom said that she asked one of her other friends (who is also her boss) if I could draw her a new logo for her side business.

SHE DIDNT EVEN ASK ME IF I WANTED TO DO THAT! SHE JUST TOLD HER FRIEND THAT I WOULD DO IT!

Now I got a big commission (dont know how much money Im getting paid) dropped on me with no warning. And apparently my mom and her friend are coming with even MORE ideas for me to draw. (Mind you that commission would take at least a week to two weeks at the MINIMUM and now they're coming up with more)

But the thing is I dont want to to do digital art professionally anymore. I want it to stay as a hobby, something to do for fun and my own enjoyment. The reason why? A one year digital art course I did last year that burnt me out so unbelievably bad. I couldnt make ANY art for myself for an entire YEAR because I was constantly working on that stupid useless course (and I didnt even get the final drawing done and submitted before the one year deadline was up so that didnt help. And it was the one I was the most proud of too)

I am burned out and I want to make things for ME, things that absolutely cant go on a portfolio (extreme horror art, fan art, NSFW art, etc)

The amount of times in the past months I have talked myself out of drawing something that would make me happy because everything I make should be fit to go on a professional portfolio is extremely high.

I'm obviously gonna do the new commission and whatever else those two tell me to draw (but it better be more than 200 dollars, like at least 350 minimum) but I am so tired of this and I just wished my mom had asked me first before automatically telling her friend yes.

So would I be the asshole if I told her Im not doing any future commissions from her friends and that I want to just do art as a hobby and not as a career?

What are these acronyms?

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[hetalia-club]

Giving you this bc ur like, the only hetalia blog i still follow that still posts. But like.

Okay back in 2018-2019(?) i had a pretty big hetalia phase, i watched hetafacts videos n every episode that was on YouTube, i listened to the music on repeat. It was a major hyperfixation before i knew that i was autistic.

For the longest time after i stopped, engaging with hetalia for some reason i would. Cringe really hard whenever i saw anything hetalia related. Like. On ao3 when you go to search things it tells you how to search things and one i got (and keep getting) is like "hetalia tag:f/f" or something idk how proper ao3 searches work. Id like screenshot it and go to my friends n say "it haunts me" or some shit.

But like recently ive been. Embracing that part of my past? I guess? Like. Almost like coming to terms with it? Idk i started having a less bad reaction n like, realized it probably one of the more normal fandoms i was in. I was, cringe, as all kids are, but i was. Happy.

And then like. At a sleepover a few weeks ago, one thing leads to another and im telling my friend abt the songs and how ich leibe is. Just a recipe, and how i used to listen to almost all of the songs. I show them the clip of France trying to get England to sign a marriage contract, America ordering fucking condoms from Russia.

It has been at least 2 weeks since, and i can feel the hyperfixation coming back, half the music ive been listening too again is hetalia character songs (theyre so fucking good???) and ive been getting. Urges to watch the show and. I dont know how to feel or what to do?? Like. I'm afraid almost to get back into hetalia? Like i watched black butler a while ago, and i realized how. Theres some weird fucking tension between ceil n sebastian n i think im afraid im going to have that same reaction to hetalia?

Cause like there is shit i just completely forgot about. Like. The Bad Touch Trio. And im scared man.

Im sorry to fuckin, give you all of this, but i just. I dont know what to do ig. None of my friends like or used to like hetalia, the one i do info dump hetalia stuff too does not like hetalia and is learning shit about it against their will.

Idk, should i watch the show again? Is it, good? I genuinely can't remember anymore.

Sorry for using ur ask box like a confessional

I mean I’m right there with you man. The sole reason I am still in the Hetalia fandom is because hetalia got me through some real dark chapters and events in my life. I discovered Hetalia years ago in Highschool while with a very abusive ex who had to know everything I was doing at any given time. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere without him there. I tried to break up with him but he actually wouldn’t let me. He would threaten to off himself if I did so I felt bad because his mom was an alcoholic and his houses burned down. I stopped really going anywhere at all because if I did he would come with me and he ruined my relationships with most of my friends just by being ‘the worst’. I stopped cheerleading, I got depression really bad, I started to do terrible in all my classes but I discovered Hetalia while on deviant art and was instantly intrigued. It was like “idk what this is but I will now make it my personality”

Years later while with my most recent abusive Ex that I just broke up with last November I got back into Hetalia when our relationship started to get really bad and hard to cope wit on my own. I needed an escape and something to help me avoid him and no care so much about his insults something that I could think about instead of being sad all the time. Hetalia is something that just brings me joy. Instead of venting to people, getting therapy or increasing my meds Hetalia was just always there to go back to and escape. No idea what it is about it. Won’t go into details about the relationship, it’s irrelevant right now but I’m sure you can guess.

To answer your question, no Hetalia isn’t ‘good’ it makes zero sense and is confusing as hell. But for me it’s fun to use as a spring board for basically any kind of AU I could think up. The characters can fit into any type of situation you want to shove them in.

I would say give it a rewatch, as much as you want anyway. What is the worst that could happen? You continue an interest that brought you joy? Worst case. You are a bit cringe? Who cares if you are cringe if you are happy? Also not encouraging you to live a double life but if you are embarrassed to like Hetalia you don’t actually have to tell anyone how obsessed with it you are. No one but my ex knows how much I like Hetalia and he really has no idea just how deep I am in this shit. But if people knowing about one of your interests humiliates you then just don’t share it. At the end of the day it’s your comfort and it makes you happy it’s no one’s business.

There are a lot of old fandom tropes that have disappears the BTT being one of them. They put them as a group still but I guess they call it ‘bad friends ti’ now. There are still some things that make me side eye. But that’s every fandom I feel. You can choose who you wish to associate with and who you want to block or avoid. It’s your blog you don’t own an explanation to anyone.

Personally I don’t interact much with the people of the fandom itself I got a few people it talk to every now and again but really i just do my own thing. I write my own fics for myself. I got my little tumblr, discord and TikTok, I post about my little AUs and dumb thoughts and continue on. If people want to follow me that’s great, welcome. If they don’t that’s cool to!

Thanks for sticking around with me even after your Interest in Hetalia fizzled out tho haha! That had to be difficult I am very annoying at times I’m sure 😭.

Again worst thing that could happen than if you are a bit cringe. But not being cringe is boring as hell. Irl I’m one of the most normal bitches you could find. Carbon copy white girl. Absolutely no one would guess I were a Hetalia obsessed loser irl. In a line up you could not pick me out and guess my interests. So in February I got my hair done right? I got like. 500 dollar biolage it fades from brown to strawberry blonde. Want to know the reason I got this hair style? Because of Italy that’s why. I wanted red hair like him. Did I tell anyone that? No. When people said they liked my hair and asked me why I went red I would just go “idk just felt like it” but I would be thinking about him knowing the real answer.

Good luck anon, if you stick around welcome back the water is fine. If you don’t can you toss me that life vest up there if you don’t mind? Thank you!

[jiamiuxin]

daiya no ace anime reflection/review

**spoilers!!**

im at a point in my life where i have a lot of free time at the end of the day and i find myself filling that slot with anime.

for the past two weeks, ace of the diamond has taken up a big portion of my mind as i found myself falling in love with the team and its players.

about a month ago was when i started a roll on watching sports anime. i caught up on haikyuu, binged blue lock and ao ashi, and finally spent another good chunk of time on free!!. ace of the diamond was no new title to me, yet for some reason i kept it on the back burner. i dont know why; whether it was the art style, the then-seemingly long list of episodes, or the fact that it was baseball. maybe it was all of them. when i burned myself out trying to find another anime, i finally settled on giving DnA a chance.

today, as i have finished all 176 episodes (no OVAs yet!) i confidently say it's one of my top, if not the top, anime ive seen so far.

i noted a few things as i progressed through the series: strong points, cons, favorite characters, and a few personal thoughts.

i will start off with the cons head on. daiya's is, i guess i could say, notorious? for its "annoying, loud, benchwarmer" MC. one genuine complaint i do have is the lack of animation quality in the third season. there were many still shots with voice overs, though i felt a little more satisfied with the animation towards the end. also, to a smaller extent, the anime is not as complete as the manga.

anyway, i think the slow burn is actually a strong point, as many others point out. indeed, it is the very low lows that make the highs so high. don't get me wrong, i love a stupidly powerful MC, such as mob psycho 100 or OPM, but the realism gives DnA its charm and relatability. when others say "season 1 is bad, season 2 is good, season 3 is amazing," they are not lying.

DnA's charm not only lies in its realism, but also its character development and character interactions. brotherhood, leadership, and teamwork are all themes throughout the anime. the way the third years cared for their juniors and the way the juniors fought to elongate their seniors' summers was beautiful, heart-wrenching, and gut-punching to me, a recent college graduate. these types of moments are not uncommon in sports anime, but something about DnA's execution made it so much more..emotional? relatable? whether it was due to convenient timing or the fact that the sheer amount of episodes made me feel like they were actually my own friends, i just felt so much more compelled when watching daiya.

on the topic of my personal emotions, as i said, the themes of graduating/retiring really hit home for me. but that made daiya all the more special to me. both personal relatability and just watching everyone's hard work made it so easy to sympathize with their determination. maybe it was the countless scenes of them heaving and gasping for air; or the scenes where TJ made their frustrations so visible and vulnerable. as a watcher, i did not see myself rooting for some characters in a show; normally, i'd take a normal stance with the expectations that the "of course, the MC team will win." i saw myself rooting for my friends. in addition, knowing TJ, we can never be too sure on how seido's games will actually go. everything comes down to the realism. it's daiya's realism that made me feel their passion, made them so relatable, and made it feel like they were actually at high stakes. i truly, rarely never cry when watching an anime. besides assassination classroom, no other anime has made me so emotional. not only that, but daiya made me cry several times. the amount of immersion is insane.

to no surprise, my favorite character is miyuki. he was the know-it-all. he was essentially the rock of seido with his calls. i often found myself wondering how strong seido would be without miyuki. no disrespect to ono; as he proved, and as kataoka also believes, ono is also reliable. but miyuki was just built different bro. anyway, i appreciated his character for not only baseball iq, but his rapid maturity into the captain role, and his flexibility with his juniors. i found his personality very admirable and his logical approach to situations both relatable and reliable. other characters i particularly were fond of were chris and kuramochi. if okumura had more screen time, i could also see him climbing up my list. as someone who had no prior baseball knowledge, daiya/seido as a whole, but particularly chris and miyuki, gave me a newfound respect for and fundmental understanding of baseball.

i think one last thing i wanted to note was that i really don't read manga. but for daiya, im definitely gonna pick up the manga now. i have never done this before for an anime, even others i really liked--hxh, haikyuu, one punch man, etc. i just never felt compelled to read the story further beyond the anime. but for daiya, this is something im willing to do. i just love it that much.

if you are having second thoughts or are debating on watching DnA, def watch it if you do not mind slow burn and can take a realistic approach. on the other hand, i do not recommend if you want to see an OP MC.

~

i am truly a nobody, especially not a professional anime critic LMFAO but i just wanted to vent my thoughts of daiya somewhere :) these are just my personal opinions

[jemmo]

for the ask game, 7, 12, 17! 💗🌼

thank you for the ask :)) and sorry its late i was gonna answer this at the bus stop yesterday but for once they decided to be on time

7. top 5 bl

man i had to stare at my mdl completed list for a while to decide this, but i'll preface that these top 5 are here both bc i have such a strong emotional connection with them and bc i want to scream about how actually good they are from a rooftop (also not ranked bc thats too hard):

utsukushii kare - don't know else i can make it clear how beloved and special this show is to me. an excellent story across both seasons and the movie with even better mains that are characterised to perfection, develop in the most beautifully human way and are performed brilliantly. and if i think about this show any longer and remember its over i will break so moving on

old fashioned cupcake - it was one thing to give me a bl starring THE og kageyama stage play actor bc those things were my life during the height of my anime phase, but to then have it be this good?? the story is beautiful, the fact they manage to do so much with such little run time amazes me, and to this day it has the most romantic line in any bl that always gives me goosebumps when i watch it. and i dont wanna talk like im that old, im only 25, but as someone who's barely had anything you can call a romantic experience, this show left me with the warmest sense of hope and comfort that beautiful love stories aren't reserved for high schools, and its never too late to find happiness

blueming - i havent rewatched this one in a while, or much at all, but i'll never forget the visceral response i had when i binged it all in one night. i adore the fact that this is just the gentlest story of 2 people falling in love and finding comfort in each other and just how naturally and simply it happens, and i think its portrayal of that specific family dynamic is phenomenal, bc for me at least its as much about that family being in the process of healing as it is about the love story, and the fact they go hand in hand is even better

bad buddy - what else is there to say. for the 12 weeks it aired, i ate, slept and breathed this show. literally did not even think about anything else. and this show has rightly been praised to the moon and back but as well as all that, its always gonna be special for me bc of the people and community i found and shared the watching experience with. what can i say, you just had to have been there, and im so glad i was

the eighth sense - surprisingly this was my last pick and i was debating swapping it for a few others, but it ultimately stays bc of how refreshing and how much of an emotional rollercoaster it was. i haven't ever brought myself to rewatch it, but i can vividly remember how enraptured i was by the sheer amount of tension they managed to create in those initial episodes, and how well they managed to maintain it. and i hope people take note of how much people loved its artful and kinda raw vibe and become inspired to do something similar bc i think it gives great balance to the genre (and i also, clearly, love it, just look at these pics. i promise i do love fun and silly stuff too)

12. most rewatched bl

i was debating putting this on my list but ultimately, while not being my absolute favourite, its my definition of a comfort show and that is my dating sim. idk what it is about the show, but ever since it came out i go back to it at the very least monthly. i think its the fact that when im really craving a good bl, it manages to not only hit all my favourite tropes (unrequited but secretly requited love, reuniting and digging up the past, that initial clash gives me a lil bit of enemies to lovers, plus it has enough fluff to make me all warm and giddy), but it also does them so well, and the story is so perfectly simple and succinct that i feel so content when the whole thing is over. truly the perfect show for when i wanna do nothing and feel happy.

17. best kiss

unsurprising but yes, it still is the bad buddy rooftop kiss. i dare not watch this kiss bc i know if the weakness ever overtakes me i will fall into a void that i will not escape for at least a week. and honestly, while there has been some good competition, idk if she'll ever be beaten, and idk if thats bias talking or just the objective truth, but i encourage all bl's to keep giving it their bests shot

❤️🧡💛bl ask game💚💙💜

[grasscore]

more bummer ramblings below

literally just sitting here crying my eyes out reading people's posts on the bipolar subreddit and like i dont know what to do with any of that.

i've been really scared that what i've been dealing with is addiction, because it felt like adhd impulsivity + stimulation craving but on steroids, like boosted to 100,000%

but idk the more i think about it all, it might be hypo/mania. like im basically nearing about 3 months of constantly just making connections between things in my head, sleeping for only a few hours a night, literally not doing my job, feeling extremely social but only online and completely neglecting irl relationships and responsibilities, not eating or drinking water, etc..

and some of it has been really good! like i have created some art and actually finished some shit for once whereas i usually just get really hype and start a project but never finish. so im happy about that, and i think its ok that i'm like.. trying to be more 'social' online because i work from home and because of covid don't have a ton of irl options for 'public' life. in ways it feels like an improvement to me where before i felt like absolutely 0 motivation at all, just sitting on tiktok for literally 6-10 hours per day (i basically havent even opened the app in like 2 months which felt like an improvement, but im now working WAY less even than when i was in that phase).. but the fact that this 'creative productivity and sociable/positive mood' is paired with me basically not doing my job AT ALL + not sleeping or eating, etc.. ive been feeling a little better in the past couple weeks because i thought like..maybe i have an 'addiction' or at the very least a destructive pattern so i thought the solution could be.. being mega aware of my actions at all times, meticulously tracking every hour of my day and recording what i do and making plans for every chunk of the day..which hasnt been hurting, it's helped me remember the really basic things, keeping my priorities 'straight' in theory. but every second of the day is this really uncomfortable restlessness and if i dont put my energy into a project or something that i'm excited about i feel like im crawling out of my skin.. ive been smoking like crazy. and now that ive finished my project i feel like im itching inside my skin lmao

idk especially reading people's posts on the reddit about how it's showed up throughout their life.. im just thinking about the year where i was 100% convinced that i was like.. in a simulation / samsara and that a meteor was coming.. and that i was getting visions of future iterations of the simulations thru my dreams. but i never told anyone about it because i was like,.. oh i dont actually believe these things, even though i'm terrified out of my mind thinking about them because they feel so real and if i see anything online that is slightly related to 'the simulation' or a meteor hitting earth i would spiral with paranoia and anxiety.

like i just feel like im screaming into the void in all my relationships trying to explain how out of control and scared i feel.. but everyone has just been like 'hey, it's alright, you seem fine to me, your standards for yourself are too high' and im like ok tell that to the fact i've worked maybe 5 hours a week every week for the last 3 months. like ive spent the last month pretty much terrified that im just going to keep making bad/impulsive decisions until i'm fired and/or dead

[get-rammed]

hi ram!! ik you got bored of fnaf so would it be ok to get the deets on your monty series on tiktok? i dont wanna pressure you into making any content but i wanna know what happens so bad

Eventually I'll get around to finishing part 3.

But ye here we go.

It would follow the anon as they heal while working in the daycare.

Starting with like a flash of the anon walking away and then dealing with legal crap. NDA's and the likes. This isn't the first time an animatronic has gone rogue so they'd prefer if this stayed quiet. Paying the anon to keep working there and shrug it off.

Following as they box up all their Monty merch and art he's drawn/made with them. Leave it in a closet. But they can't bear to lock the plush away, so it sits on the floor near their bed.

When they go back to work it follows them as they explain to Chica's Handler how things with Monty go. His needs and what to watch for. None of the other Handlers are aware of the truth. As far as they know his jaw malfunctioned while the anon was working on him. So there's no reason for anyone to be afraid. Warning them to immediately tell anyone if he seems like he's going to hurt someone. She's confused at their concern, but acknowledges she'll keep an eye out.

We'd follow the anon as they meet Dawn, the daycare attendents Handler. She has a robotic left hand. An "accident" that occurred with the failed Project Starlight (my Security Monty). So she knows immediately what actually happened and forces the truth out. As with her, nobody knows the truth. Just knows she lost her hand and the security Monty project was canned.

She explains she avoids the show animatronics since they're too much. Where both attendents are quieter and mindful of her and her anxieties. She only keeps working with Fazbear due to the same NDA and contracts the anon has signed. Good money, but they must both face their trauma each day.

Then it'd be a slide show essentially of the anon in the daycare for a few months. Their casts going away and down to bandages to show the passage of time. With moments of Monty looking nervous but trying to be entertaining in the day care. The attendents are hovering around the anon to make sure they're okay.

There would be a break in here for Dawn to be having a smoke while the anon is eating their lunch. Dawn asks since they're almost healed, would they be going back? When a familiar gator shaped shadow appears. It panics the anon for a second, but it's just Chica's (and currently Monty's as well) Handler dressed in a Monty suit saying of COURSE they're coming back as soon as they're healed. So the anon grits out a yes. They'll go back. They're told they'll be moved back in two weeks.

We got some inner monologe about how they still can't open the closet where all his stuff is at and it flashes with the plush under some clothes.

Cutting to the anon meeting a kid they haven't seen before. He asks about their big scar. Trying to be polite they get his name and chat with him for a bit. Then realize he has no pass. This child is Gregory. Cue him taking off and the anon letting security know.

They don't see him again and just hope he's fine.

They're walking out with Dawn and realize they had forgotten their security pass so wish her a good weekend and head back. Their way back is blocked. They're forced to walk back past the show animatronics in their rooms. They can hear Monty's meltdown from where they are. Telling themsleves not to panic, it's not their problem, he'll be fine come Monday when they're going to be his Handler again.

Lil flashes of Monty ripping up his room and the bots in there.

Chica's Handler stops them. Forcing them to acknowledge the terrifying situation at hand. Ask what's wrong, she admits they don't know. Freddy collapsed on stage and Monty started freaking out in a bad way. There were attempts to turn down his aggression but he kept overwriting the code. He was supposed to be in sleep mode but he force reactivated. So they're letting him run till he's outta juice for the night. She admits something is wrong with all of them, but hopes things will sort themsleves out.

It's clear the anon is getting uncomfortable, so the Handler bids them a good weekend and they're back on their way. Once they get their badge they're on their way back to the entrance, but are stopped by Vanny. "You shouldn't be here."

And then it ends.

I was initially planning for that to be it, but after discussion of the anon working with Gregory through the night, I ended up thinking of more to feed that. But we'll see if I continue it past this part or not.

[risingsunresistance]

ok im going a *little* bit mad w the garden update ... ive not done as much as i would like its prolly a rather unimpressive amount really bit im SO excited for stats abt it ... skycrypt garden stats pretty please 👉👈 ALSO just checked the visitor list on the wiki (the guest book i dont have patience to look at</3) and im ESPECIALLY excited that the puzzler?? can come by?? ough i REALLY wanna see the puzzler.... also i lovee that tia herself can pop in what a delight .... hhh its such a delightful visitor list ... anyways i need to lament somewhere that ive got a full queue of visitors 4 of which want ungodly amounts of ench pumpkin and 1 of which wants 4 ench cookies ..... dire straits !! im gonna hafta start setting up a ton more pumpkin minions at this rate</33 Any Ways i am having a delightful time w the garden i REALLY didnt expect to get into it much but i just need to walk around and use the replenishing hoe i got and my personal compactors take care of the rest its soo nice to just put on a stream/vod in the background and just go .... augh i have the lotus stuff i wanna say already but idk if its been that quick.... ive got 3 plots all fully planted in and more farming than ive ever done by hand in a few days </33 garden update my beloved ..... also since odowa is one of the folks wanting ench pumpkins from me i looked up their name and saw that odowa means trader :0 waugh... TRYIMg to make a drawing abt it ehehe

-crenshaw121

(i copy pasted the image without thinkin uhhh idk if itll show up but . yea :])

YOOOOO ART!!!!

i haven't done anything with the garden yet bc i cant afford to get invested rn </3 i playtested on alpha and stuff but i'm refusing to get too into it, i have to graduate lmao. i logged in for the first time in weeks today and decided to set up one (1) plot full of wheat, then bought like 100m worth of combat gear bc i felt like it. me and ark did 3 runs of f5 and decided that was enough for the day :P

[captainaikus]

I AM BACK!!!!!!! And idk if you saw the post I tagged you in explaining and apologizing tumblrs being wonky again because I didn’t see that bachisagi post you tagged me in on your main until I was scrolling through and catching up just now. I have been swamped with juggling school staring again, family, and that friend stuff I told you abt. And the only free time I’ve had is watching TR. I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE LATEST BLLK EPISODE YET AND I WANNA SOB BECAUSE ITS THE POST-BACHISAGI BREAKUP EP 😭😭😭. I’ve just had no energy at the end of the day and every time I think I finally have time to respond back to you something always comes up and I wanna tear my hair out. I PROMISE I HAVENT BEEN IGNORING YOU LOVE. But I understand if you’re upset at me and I’m sorry Belle.

I was furious like my blood was boiling when I saw your fic got flagged down. Like what is wrong with people??? Can you not just let other people be and keep your negativity to yourself??? Just because you’re falling doesn’t mean you have to drag others with you asshole. Seriously. You did not deserve that and being so angry and upset over it (with it happening AGAIN and it not even being the FIRST time unwarranted) is completely understandable, I’d be pissed too. I still am actually. It’s so frustrating working so hard on something and then getting pointless hate for it like get a life and stay away from me. 😤😤😒

On another note, I have been getting SO MUCH Tokyo Revengers content the past few days and that has been my only relief from this hectic week. Im being fed so well girl. New episodes every Saturday with my favorite arc being animated, the new character book, new official arts, AND SO MUCH MORE AFJHFFHJGHINH. Also I’m so sorry I missed your event 😭😭😭. You even extended it and I had so many asks saved too 🥲🥲. But I didn’t wanna just demand stuff without explaining where I’d been because I’m not an ass like that but every time I started drafting something for you (not for the event) I’d get interrupted 😒😒. *sighs heavily*

IVE BEEN READING YOUR EVENT ASKS CAUSE I JUST GOT OUT OF CLASS AND ASDFJJGFFHHGFKJ THEYRE ALL SO GOOD BELLE 😭😭. I love them all so freaking much (esp the Bachira ones 👀😌✨) and I’m sad I couldn’t participate but hopefully next time. BUT DONT WORRY IM ALREADY DRAFTING AN ASK FOR THE MATCHUP EVENT THERES NO WAY IM MISSING THAT 😤😤.

CONGRATULATIONS ON 1.9K BELLE IM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU LOVE!!!!! 🥹😭❤️ Your numbers keep climbing so fast and it’ll only be a matter of time before you hit 2k 😌😌. Also I’m so glad you’re getting support from new people too and how they’re all loving your works it’s so heartwarming to see and read and really a testament to how far you r come. Be proud of yourself because no matter how much hate you get you’re still continuing to do amazing love ❤️❤️❤️.

I really am sorry for going MIA for a bit there and I understand if you’re upset with me. How’ve you been irl btw?? Uni going well I hope? How’s gym? Has your break ended yet? Go on and vent if you need to love!! Update me on your life because I truly do want to know how’re you’re doing yknow?? Remember to take breaks and take care of yourself love!!! Eat something and drink a glass of water if you haven’t today!!! *sending all the virtual hugs because I missed you and I’m sorry*

p.s. no asks on the way soon 👀🫡

- ✨ anon

Starry!! Ofc I’m not upset with you! You’re usually very active on my blog, so I figured something must’ve come up cause you were away. I wanted to drop in your askbox; but I could find it so I decided to tag you in my posts instead to see if you’re doing alright and you’re doing well so I’m relieved <3

Tumblr has been acting wonky :/ - literally. I had to write to staff about my posts not showing up in the tags and all they did was delete it?

I figured since it was taking so long, I might as well just shift to ao3 and my work has been good so far - working on a yandere rin wip and I’m about 2k words in but since Uni and work keeps getting in the way, i can’t finish it as fast. But. Ik for the fact that this’ll be worth the wait cause. You’ll see 😏

As for my works getting flagged down, it is an inconvenience, but with every work that does get flagged down - people on the other side of the screen are just proving the fact that they can’t keep up with my writing or the fact that my content is well received and I get mostly healthy interactions. I was pretty angry with it, but then I just decided to take it to ao3 instead and I had been thinking about this for months. I take that this was a sign that I should do it and not leave it as a plan cause tumblr has turned toxic over a period of time, among authors and readers alike. So why not minimize the trouble for everyone go somewhere better? Ao3 had really good content;

More plot leaning and good story lines with occasional smut, and both sides are really chilled out. Plus another thing that disappoints me about tumblr is that smut sells really fast here and even Twitter links get more likes than actual writing. And after thinking over it for a while - I realized that my writings are more to do with things human along with lust than just purely writing about lust yk? So in short, my work isn’t meant for tumblr. And I’m not a very interactive author either - I don’t reblog much works and neither do I have any author I can personally recommend cause I stopped reading fanfics here about 2 years ago and I don’t even check the tags anymore since then, only to see if my work showed up or not. but anyway- i made my moveout official still gonna answer asks and host events here tho - and talk to anyone about stuff in general

now talking about tokyo rev, super happy about the new season coming out and honestly? this is the fastest i've seen them make it cause JJBA fans- ykw i'm talking about. Had to wait so long just for stone ocean part 2 to come out And i'm really looking forward to watching vinland saga (cause that's out and istg - canute is such a pretty boy, this is that one anime that made me cry cause Askeladd. nvm I don't wanna give spoilers) AND YES! you did make it to the matchup event !! (i got your ask) as for the character ask i had fun with it as well - Some of the highlight questions I liked; one of them was a question for Rin, asking if (y/n) was single? and istg the way i laughed cause the way he would have a look on his face after that, Bachira is a ray of sunshine to have - such a cutie (>///<) [take your time on working starry! There’s not rush! Ik how annoying it is to get interrupted when you’re writing something] And tysm for your kind words !! Seriously though I should be thanking you guys for giving me your support esp you starry - cause you were one of the first anons along with blue to actually make a convo on my blog and it kinda made other people wanna talk as well (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ) And no! I'm not upset with you! I knew something was maybe up cause you're never usually gone this long - And you can come to my blog anytime you want - to rant, ask for advice or just talk anything 'kay? ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა As for uni, its on full throttle - *sigh* so much work to do but I'm working on it a little everyday and getting things done as soon as possible. but the cold is making me so drowsy to function. I cut my hair shorter too, its an undercut with a pixie so now i look like a fem ver of corpse - And i re-watched some of my old animes - like i had the urge to watch devilman crybaby this week and i did. the only reason i watched that anime was cause of the clip i saw of Akira's... on the ceiling... (ikyk), rewatched death note - cause i wanted to see L and honestly L is THE emo king. (yeah i had a whole emo phase before turning into a dark academia/ classic aesthetic gal -) and alot of people are getting into tokyo ghoul - *finished the whole manga collection at the age of 14* As for gym... story time. I was busy lifting weights and this man. he is muscular sure, got bulging biceps and a lean body and yet. he had the audacity to chase me out of my corner in the gym and take it instead to lift his weights. He looked at me dead in the eye and gave me the meanest look possible. I couldn't take him seriously cause... he was shorter than me... *not size shaming i swear but when you look at me like that - i can't take you seriously* Me : I do not care if you're more macho than me, I will throw you across the gym, you tiny tiny man. And I just finished another whole bottle of water - hope you’re doing well starry! *sending hugs back*

[snailsrneat]

Hello, i stumbled across your match up event and was wondering if i caould get one from you.

Well, for my looks I have Blonde hair that comes to my shoulders, my skin is an ivory colour, more pale cause ive been told i look like a ghost, i have green eyes and i stand about 5'5" tall, i dress either grunge or emo(as ive been told) and i look kinda gay(which im Panromantic).

My basic interest are Horror(Games, books, movies) and Art, and my specific ones are vegetation and Bugs(When ever i see these types of things in nature, i will stop and staire to look at its beauty)

How i would describe myself is that im one of those grumpy old men in the movies that turned bitter after he lost his wife and just wants to be left alone, im stand off-ish, im not a fan of people, and i prefer to stay inside by myself, i dont really trust people due to past experiences, though there are very few people that can break my shell, one of them being the person im in love with.

I would say my celebrity crush(well not really crush but i love his character) is charlie heaton, i dont know why, but im in love with his character from shut in(2016), Stephen was just*chefs kiss*, and also Jonathan Byers from Stranger things.

My Favourite drink is tea, mainly fruit or green, and favourite food is ice cream, though i find it disgusting when people sit there and just eat the whole carton.

My zodiac is Aquarius, and my MBTI is ISTP

Bye and have a good day/night!

You have been matched up with...

Kalim Al-Asim

-----------------------------

Say it with me now everyone,

OPPISITES ATTRACT.

No but seriously Kalim is one of the most persistent little rays of fuckin' sunshine put there.

If you think for one second he isn't going to try his damn hardest to break you out of your shell you are dead wrong.

You guys go on nature walks all the time, and almost every single time one of you guys bring back some big ass bug.

Which, you know, Jamil hates.

Expect to forever be on Jamils shit-list cause of that.

If it wasn't for the bugs tho Jamil really mind your company in Scarabia.

Back to Kalim tho, he always tries to make you socialize with someone besides him.

Always ends up failing unfortunately, but baby steps are important.

He tried watching a horror movie with you once, never again.

He was haunted by night mares for a week.

But you guys love drawing together, occasionally using each other as references.

You guys probably met that way too.

You guys got sat next to each other and you just started drawing whilst listening to the lecture.

Kalim saw your beautiful artwork and couldn't help but bug you on how good it looked.

His presence made you really uncomfortable and he was eventually able to realize that after a couple meetings.

That's when he decided to take things slow.

He began to act much more chill and touchy when around you. Even going as far as to not show as much emotion when he got excited.

This eventually led to him gaining your trust after months work of effort and decided to confess his feelings to you.

Which you obviously accepted of course.

If I could give you guys a name I'd call you guys the opposite day couple.

[onmymasa22]

Important notice

I have officially converted.

I have been a member of the church of tasters choice for the past few years. And i have realized the error of my ways. And when Jacobs found me, I was confused and alone. I was told to just buy the green bottle and all my tasters choice past would be forgiven. I hope that you, too, know, if u are ever at your lowest, jacobs will save you, with a coffee that smells more like coffee.

Can we just take a second. Why is there not a stand up bit on donald trumps fifty names? Could his parents not decide?

So im a girl who would much rather be called funny than pretty. Funny takes work, funny risks things. I will make a total and utter fool of myself to get whoever to laugh. I will

Unless im with u, i dont need to be called pretty. Favorite compliments: i love and cant get enough of for a boost: wow, ur really funny. And "hey, i remember u, u were the nicest one there"

Unless im with u, there

U know what compliments girls cant get enough of?

Being acknowledged for how smart we are.

Yes, im a ditz sometimes, especially if theres something funny there, but someone acknowledging that im smart is a surefire way to become my favorite.

When people remember you for being nice. My grandmother told me since i was about 5, U r pretty. Its a fact. Ur never gonna have to worry about boys liking u. U just need to work on ur insided. Work on being nice. Its more important to be nice than right i was told. Make sure ur inside is a nice place to be. And i constantly work on being nice, being a good person, loving myself and spreading that to loving others. Its not easy when ur trying to find the balance between having debilitating social anxiety where talking outloud is not something easy, and having a

One time i was at a party and something funny happened spur of the moment, and i made

Oh how i love getting to be a fourth year art student who can say- this is my screw it era. Screw it, i want to make the art art that i want to make, screw it, screw u, screw it all. You get one shot at living the dream of going to art school. Plenty of ppl can think "what if i studied what i really wanted instead of whatever majes money" and u know what? The bachelors of fine arts i will have in july is really a culmination of taking 4 years to learn about myself. To stydy the way i think about things. To be better at comunicating my ideas proficiently and eloquently.

These 4 years, while also being hard, having days that i cried at the end or in the middle of it, days that i yelled, days that i wanted to slam all the doors that exist in the world. They were also days of dancing, days of long hugs, days of music playing while we sat in the sun drawing trees with charcoal. Days we joked, days we told stories. Days we had real honest to gd conversations, infront of everyone, or privately. Our class wasnt like any other class that shared the building with us. I can say that in college, i went to school with 15 of my best friends. We were all best friends. We all started the day giving hugs. We all ended the week on a tuesday of Wednesday saying good shabbos. We shared dinners and cake and breakfast. We helped eachother out, with thought processes, building stuff, or watching everyone's kids. We saw our friends have babies. We danced at weddings. We held eachother during breakdowns or panic attacks. From coffee dates, to pizza, ice cream, trips to the kotel, gan Sacher, museums, trains, buses, cars, galleries, homes, grocery stores, holidays. Taken test together. We have all given pieces of ourselves to eachother. What an honor. When they tell us that we had a good class, thats really what it is, we had a really good class.

U know what i love about going to a religious college? That when i whatsapp my favorite teacher that I'll be showing up 2 weeks late because of flight cancelations, the first thing she says is "r u by rabbeinu?"

U want for life to be dofferent and u hate ur life. But ur ok. U will do what u want to do. Go buy the chiffon u want. Make the shawl u want. Be the girl you want. Do what you want. Be as much you as u can. This was a bad trip. Ok. Some r good. Some r bad. It happens. Now in a week u get to get up. Amd just be u. Ull paint a scarf in greece on the beach. Before u know it, ull b having a blast in israel.

Whst do u do wjen u have been using the excuse of "sorry, im not in the country right now" to get out of seeing ppl u dint want to see, when u go back to real life? Can someone give a

New motto: I can't, I have plans tonight.

When ur writing a paper on jewish history and art and u have so many gaps is ur geography and history knowledge. Like all of navi has no sequence in my brain. All i know is that we were in the desert 40 years and a bunch of years later, we were in exile.

When you are trying to figure out jewish history cuz the last time they actually tried to teach u navi was fourth grade and u were probably doodling, so theres a huge gap, where ur like "why did we want a king" and "where did we all go" amd "why were we so divided"

After leaving egypt, we were in the desert for 40 years. Yehoshua led bnei yisrael to canaan, conquered and divided it. After yehoshua dies, we have judges as leaders because we were struggling after yehoshua died. We kept getting conquered by surrounding nations during these times. The judges included otniel- the king of kush messopotamia conquered us for 8 years. we defeated the 8 year oppression of kush, then we had 40 years of peace. Then ehud- we defeated moav oppression.

The jews were tired of the cycles of judges and wanted a king like the other nations

and kings. Shaul. Then dovid. Then shlomo, we got forst beis hamikdash.

I feel like anxiety is when ur taking too much control. Or the affects of anxiety. Ur taking more control.

Im sitting here crying because as a fourth year art student, my mom wants me to stamp with an onion. Im so hurt and frustrated. Im an artist. Im not going to stamp with an onion.

Im going to buy the silk. And ill paint it in greece because i want to. I like the texture of it. I see something in it that others might not see. And thats it.

U know what. Maybe its not what she wants. But this is what i want. We did that assignment already and i didnt like it the first time.

[froggowivdagudvibes]

Vent under cut, tw suicide

For at least a year now i have found it really hard to draw anything besides small doodles if one very specific oc (who actually came about because of the fact i couldnt draw).

I dont have the best mental health, and it goes especially downhill in the winter (like everyone ig), and in the past drawing has been a way for me to escape from everything.

As of about a year ago i have found it both emotionally and physically really hard to even just put a pencil to paper (when i say physically i mean i cant bring myself to move my hand). It now takes a few hours of mental preparation to draw anything, even the smallest things, besides pidge (the oc i mentioned i can draw).

This winter i think has been the hardest, loneliest few months of my life - at points ive felt suicidal, which is nothing new really but its been a lot more common than usual.

My 3 best friends are all incredibke artists and i feel like crying sometimes when we hang out cuz they just create these masterpieces, drawings i would spend weeks on and then never stop showing everyone i meet because im so proud that i actually drew something, and they woukd do all this in a matter of minutes.

And it feels so lonely cuz i cant tell them how i feel cuz it would just sound like im asking for attention and just now i did actually say something and i was shut down 3 times by people just saying "lol same".

No it is not "lol same". It is not lol, and it is not two fucking words, it is the reason i have nearly ended my fucking life and i cant say anything and im alone and all i really want is for someone to ask if im ok because then i can tell them, because if theyve asked then surely its ok to answer.

And i mentioned pidge, who is my only safe place. I draw pidge every chance i get because i can and i can escape into them and im always drawing dark things with them in and i guess my friends have just chalked it up to me acting really "edgy and emo" but what they fail to understand is that when i draw pidge smashing and tearing and breaking things, thats me. And when i draw pidge crying silently in the corner of a room, thats me. And when j draw pidge asking for death. Thats me.

What they fail to realise is thatthis is not an edgy act im putting on. Im tired and alone and i cant draw and everything is too much and the only way i can express myself is through my poetry but poetry isnt art and its different and its not what i need to do, what i need to do is draw, and even if i write my pain into my poems, which i do, no one ever gave a fuck about poetry in the first place and im still alone.

Im a lonely person with silent words and all i can do is sit quietly and weep.