#i dont have the energy to respond individually but i love you all

[thedragonagelesbian]

It's been such a weird day...

[fandomzwriterk]

Stars in Your Eyes

Pair: Gambit/Remy Lebeau x Fem!Trailblazer!Vidyadhara!Reader

Warnings: canon lore of how “Trailblazer” works + the lore of Vidyadhara’s + canon character death + Semi-Amnesiac!Reader + yes Reader can shift paths and elements + slight Genshin inspiration too + love triangle (?) + Canon episodes of X-Men ‘97 + Rouge and Jean fight over Trailblazer’s life choices + (Reader is physically described as how the canon Trailblazer looks like, a few things changed too)

Pt: 2/?

A/N: this chapter is brought to you by the song “Lace It”

Your eyes remained closed, feeling everything in your body slip away as your consciousness faded in and out. Words fell underwater, just as you saw someone flying above you and your motionless body. You had spent all your remaining energy to send a distress signal, and now here someone was coming to find you.

“Hey! Hey! Ah crap-“

That was the last thing you heard before passing out.

Meanwhile, back at the Mansion…

“What da fuck was that?!” Rogue asked

“Hell if I know. Shoulda figured there was another mutant hiding somewhere.” Logan responded

“I have to figure out if they’re even a human first. Some tests will have to be run over the next couple of days.”

“Alright then. Logan, you and Morph work with Beast in case our new friend wakes up. Jean and I will stay upstairs with Jubilee. Gambit, you and Rouge watch the halls to insure no one followed us back here.” Scott suggested

After some time, Scott and Jean went upstairs along with Jubilee, Jean resting for the night while both Scott and Jubilee walked back and forth between every room upstairs. Logan and Morph followed behind Beast as they went to the lab. Gambit sat down on the couch, leaning against the arm of the sofa and kicking his feet over the other. Rogue walked around each corner of the room, looking out the closed blinds and looking out into the dark woods behind the Mansion.

“Alright. Logan would you mind standing there while I get a blood sample?” Beast asked

“I’ll be right behind you Logan.” Morph added

“Alright then. Dont blame me if they wake up.”

You lay there, your mind in absolute darkness as your inner consciousness was standing in front of a book on a pedestal. There was only a single beam of light illuminating the darkness, focusing on you and the book. You took a step toward the pedestal, reaching a hand out to touch the book. On its own, it opened its cover and showed you a blank page of paper, only three words in the middle as if talking to you.

“Who are YOU?”

There was a line beneath the question. There was nothing to write in it either, so you went to turn a page. On the next, another three words greeted you.

“What are YOU?”

That answer was easy, you were a Trailblazer on the Astral Express, blessed with the power of any sort of “Path” you wanted. The book went back to the first page, showing you the word “Trailblazer” under the question of “Who are YOU?” You closed your eyes, your hand resting on the page. Suddenly, you remembered sitting on the Astral Express in an empty car, looking out at the stars. Trailblazer wasn’t just what you were, that was your name aboard the Express as well. The book flipped its pages to the end, now a mirror resting on the whole back cover. You looked into it, seeing yourself in a way you hadn’t before. Your hair was a silver gray, your eyes still the same, but your body was in different clothes. How had this happened? Your hair had changed from its usual color, now to something far from it. You felt like you were from another world, like you didn’t belong here or on the express.

“What am I?”

Your eyes shot open, your arms held down by two straps on each arm, the only thing able to move was your legs. Your vision was blurry, but you could make out the faint outline of three individuals, but you couldn’t see any other details.

“Hey! Hey kid wake up!”

The closer one of them got, you could see his hair was much like an animals fur, unkept and dark. His eyes seemed troubled, but his hands remained tight on your arm. You blinked rapidly, seeing the other two people in the room, one who had an unidentifiable face and the other a big blue furry creature.

“Stay here I’ll get the others.” The one with the pale face spoke

“Don’t take too long.”

You tried to fight the giant man’s hand off of you, but he was so much stronger than you. You were scared, the last thing you remember was walking through the woods trying to find help. Now, here you were strapped down like a test subject.

“Get off of me!” You shouted as you kicked both men

You practically ripped the straps as you shot up, noticing someone walk into the room as you ran for the door. Your eyes met crimson-black ones, making you take a step back as they tracked you throughout the room.

“Don’t hurt me. Please. I want to go home.” You cried

The one with crimson and black eyes took a step forward, making you shrink against the wall, summoning the same lance you called upon not that long ago.

You didn’t want to send the room into flames, maybe just use it to scare them to let you go. Someone else walked into the room, a gentleman with auburn hair and red glasses. You felt like you’ve met him before, but maybe that was back on the Express.

“Calm down we’re not here to hurt you.” The one with auburn hair spoke as he raised his hands up, taking a step toward you

“He’s right. You were hurt, Gambit saw your signal so we went to find out who did it.” The one with crimson eyes spoke

You set the lance down, moving so you didn’t lean against the wall, but still keeping your distance from them.

“Are you alright?” The one with blue fur asked

“I- I think so. I don’t know where I am. Who are you? What do you want?”

“Calm down kid we’re not here to hurt you.” The one with wild unkept hair spoke

“We’re the X-Men. Sort of a ragtag team of heroes you could say. Names Gambit.” The one with red and black eyes spoke, taking a step forward

“I’m Beast and these two are Morph and Logan.” The one with blue fur added

“I’m Cyclops. Guess you could say I’m the leader here too.”

You looked between each person, your eyes still entranced on the red and black eyed man in front of you. You stood up, puffing your chest out a little, as a way to show your strength and resolve.

“Got a name there kid?” Logan asked

You brought a hand up to the side of your head, closing your eyes to think about what your name actually was.

“Trailblazer.”

Your mind spoke that name to you, as if that would be the only answer there could ever be. You remember being called that quite a lot, almost never called anything else, at least from what you could remember. You barely even remember the Astral Express, but that was okay. You were sure they’d come back for you sooner or later.

“My names Trailblazer. Just call me that.”

Every man in the room looked at each other, Gambit and Cyclops shrugging their shoulders only to look back at you.

“Mind if we call you Blaze? As like a nickname?” Gambit asked

You only nodded, feeling a sense of dignity and pride in your name. Your name was your job, who you were. You were a Trailblazer, someone who visited each world and went to tame Stellarons. Maybe there was one here too.

“Well Blaze, welcome to the X-Men. Mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Beast asked

Everyone else left the room, leaving you to sit on the edge of the bed as Beast sat on a chair in front of you. He held some sort of clipboard in his hand, writing something down.

“Alright Blaze. I’m going to ask a couple of questions, so please answer as best as you can.”

You nodded, remaining quiet as you let your legs swing back and forth while your hands remained in your lap.

“What is your mutant ability?”

“Mutant… ability?”

“Yes… that’s what you are right?”

“What’s a mutant?”

Beast sighed, pulling out what looked like a phone. He held it up to his ear, as if calling for someone. A few minutes later, Cyclops came in with a red head woman, both standing next to Beast as he wrote something down.

“Is it okay if I read your mind real quick Blaze?” The woman asked

You looked at all three of them, your eyes wide with fear.

“It’s alright. I promise I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to see if you know what type of mutant you are.”

“Be careful Jean. She’s scared.” Cyclops replied

“I know Scott.”

She took her time walking up to you, eyeing the spot next to you where she could sit. You let her, as her hands came to grab each of yours, feeling the warmth of her body. She had her eyes closed, seeming to be in thought.

“I see… some sort of train car. I see the stars, a planet not that far from the window. It’s as if the train was driving in space. There’s nobody here, there’s some sort of music playing.”

You were seeing the same thing inside your own mind as you and Jean explored the memories inside your head, her hand holding onto yours to keep you close as you both swam through each memory.

“Do you remember anything else Blaze?” She asked with her mind

“N-No. I’m afraid I don’t. Wait…”

A phone slowly emerged from one of your pockets, as if showing itself to you. You reached out for it, grabbing it as you held onto the woman named Jean with the other. You turned it on, scrolling through to find anything. Nothing, except a number that said “Pom-Pom” and an empty message app. Not a single thing, just a photo in your photo apps, everything gone aside from that one thing.

“What does it look like?” Jean asked

You opened the app, noticing the picture was you and a few different people in the photo. One with red hair, one with glasses, one with pink hair, and the last whose face and hair was crossed out as if you had forgotten this person. The little creature that looked like a rabbit was being held in the person with pink hair arms, both smiling for the camera. Even you, who couldn’t remember these people, were smiling in the photo.

“You don’t remember… do you?”

Your eyes opened and you were back in the room, still sitting on the bed as Jean rubbed her temples.

“Jean are you alright?” Cyclops asked

“I’m fine. As for Blaze…”

There was silence, you waited for Jean to speak. You held your head down low in shame.

“She doesn’t remember anything… nothing. Just a photo. That’s all she has.”

Jean made a photo appear in your hands, the same photo on the phone you had. An exact copy, not one detail different.

“I’ll keep it to see if I can run facial recognition.”

You only nodded at Beast’s words, getting up to walk to the door. Cyclops grabbed your wrist as soon as you passed him.

“Where are you going?”

You didn’t have an answer. The Express? How could you get there? Call the people in the photo? You didn’t even remember their numbers or names.

“Please… I just want to be alone for a little while.”

You could see pity in Cyclops’ eyes through the glasses, he felt bad along with Jean and Beast.

“Alright. Jubilee is outside, she’ll show you to a room where you can stay as long as you need.”

You stayed silent as you walked out the door, noticing a girl with dark hair and earrings looking at you with a smile.

“Heya Blaze! I’m Jubilee!”

“Hello.”

“Come on Scott says you’ll be staying here as long as you want.”

“Scott?”

You followed Jubilee as she walked down the hall, walking a good ways down until she reached an empty room.

“Yeah. That’s Cyclops’ real name. We each have one. It’s not like we can run around in public with our real names. Someone could look for our families or friends.”

“So like a secret identity?”

“Yeah! It’s like how your name is Trailblazer. That can’t be your real name right?”

You didn’t say anything, just walking silently behind as Jubilee opened the door for you.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I’m sure you’ll remember one day.”

“Thank you Jubilee. Tell Scott and Jean I said thank you.”

“I will Blaze. Have a nice nap. I’ll make sure the rest of the team doesn’t disturb you. If you need someone, I’m sure someone will be in the mansion at any time.”

You nodded as you went to lay on the bed. The room was small, just a couple of drawers, a bathroom attached, a table next to you, and your bed. There wasn’t much in the room, but that was fine. At least your window was big enough for you to lean up and open them if you wanted to. As soon as you closed your eyes to think and nap, a knock was heard on your door.

“Come in.” You answered

In walked the man known as Gambit. His eyes falling onto you and a smile on his face.

“Gambit wanted to see who his little neighbor was gonna be.”

“Hm?”

“I stay in the room next to yours cherie.” He said pointing with his thumb to the room to your right

“Ah.”

You sat up, looking down at the floor as your hands remained on the bed next to your side.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just confused.”

“About?”

Gambit looked to the drawers in the room, going to lean against them since there wasn’t any space to sit and for you comfortability, decided to not sit on the bed.

“It’s hard to explain. I feel like-“

“You don’t belong?”

“Yeah. Like that.”

“Trust me Cherie, every X-Man here feels the same way. It just comes with being a mutant I guess.”

“You all keep saying that. What’s a mutant?”

“What’s a mutant? People like us. That’s what we are.”

“But I’m not a mutant… I just use weapons like a normal person.”

“Normal? Gambit saw you with that fiery blade of yours. As soon as you woke up you summoned it, so tell me how that’s not a mutant ability.”

“Would it make you feel better if I said I was from space? No? Well I don’t think you’d believe that so just know, I’m not a mutant as you like to think I am.”

Gambits eyes went huge. Space was pretty generic, plus he’d find it pretty hard to understand the concept of an Astral Express, specifically coming from you.

“Space? Now that’s a new one. What’d you do to get here then?”

“I don’t remember.”

You showed him the picture you snagged back from Beast. Gambits eyes went to the photo, seeing your sad eyes as you tried really hard to recall who you were and where you came from. You sighed, placing the photo on the table next to the bed, feeling sadness take control as you started to cry. They were small tears, but you felt sad about not being to remember anything about yourself.

“Hey. It’s okay Blaze. Don’t worry about da times you can’t remember. Gambits sure they’ll come back one day.”

“Thanks Gambit.”

“Don’t thank me my friend. Just making sure your time here is comfortable.”

A few hours later…

Your dreams tonight were something only demons would love. You couldn’t sleep, a feeling of dread racking your body as you laid restlessly under the blankets. You sat up, breathing hard as you tried to recall something you couldn’t even explain. You let your head fall back on the pillow, looking out the window as you tried so hard to sleep. The dreams were violent, you saw buildings burning around you as a sort of Draconic creature swirled in the air in front of it. The whole being was made of flames, its eyes a dark fiery crimson stared at you in hunger. It didn’t even touch you and you already felt like your body might turn to ash. Is this something to do with what you can remember?

“You cannot escape us child.”

The voice was deep, pounding around in your skull like a jackhammer as the dragon like creature raised its head and showed its teeth. In your right hand you held some sort of spear, a dark emerald color while your other held the ability of a burning fire, a small blue flame unlike the massive orange and red flames around you. You stood alone, nobody there by your side as flames consumed everything, almost swallowing you whole as well.

“We will find you, and you shall be our pawn.”

The dragon flew at you, making you close your eyes as you dropped the spear and felt the heat get closer and closer.

To be continued…

[soursturniolo]

hi! I saw where you identify as a transmasc person so I was wondering if you'd write a nick x ftm!reader smut?? with top nick??

hi lovely! I'd love to, but it makes me a bit nervous. I am only one trans guy, so I cannot write a fic that would accurately depict an act as intimate as sex that would be accurate for all trans individuals. I'll explain more.

TW: light discussions/references to genitals

so. speaking from my own experience and some trans men I'm friends with, sex can be very nuanced and different. for example, some trans men who have not had bottom surgery either because they don't want it (which is 100% valid for any reason) or haven't had the chance yet (because it is expensive, takes lots of preparation, and it is a major decision and major surgery), only have anal sex. for some trans men, vaginal sex or anything relating to that part can be very triggering and cause body dysmorphia.

however, some trans men (like myself) do not mind and can actually enjoy vaginal sex as well as anal, even prefer it. it doesn't make us less than a man. we are still men. we are still just as valid.

both are completely valid feelings. it's all personal preference and what helps someone feel most comfortable, most pleasure, and most safe and like themselves.

with writing nick with ftm!reader, I also fear people who will try to be transphobic and claim that I'm "not respecting nick" by possibly writing him having sex with a person who may still have what is deemed as female genitalia. while this would be stupid because trans men are men no matter what is in their pants, it's a fear I have. and backlash like that would be very triggering and invalidating to me and many others. i would hope people wouldnt respond that way, but i am well aware of the fact that transphobia is very much still alive and well, even in this little community on Tumblr. I've gotten transphobic asks. do I respond? no, i delete them and move on because people like that dont deserve my time or energy. but still. I have gotten them. and it sucks every time.

I also don't want people equating me writing nick with a ftm!reader as writing him with a woman. because that is nowhere near the same thing, and that is very transphobic. trans men are men. gay men can and do have sex with trans men. (yes. even vaginal sex. because we are men, and they're attracted to men. I'm speaking from experience here besties)

overall there's a lot of nuances here. and I'm curious to see and hear what others may think. so if you've read this far, let me know what you think.

[samandcolbypost]

Sam stop being stubborn and listen to Colby for once. DONT GO ALONE. 3 years ago taught you nothing? 😭

I don’t really think it’s accurate but at least the first part meats the first part is what I’m talking about.

Sagittarius

“It's not that they are stubborn per se; it's that they won't listen to anyone who tells them what to do. Sagittarians are adventurous and open-minded, so they're willing to consider new ideas and learn from people. It's just these free-spirited individuals cannot be controlled or manipulated.”

Sam really needs to listen. It wasn’t fair for Colby because it was supposed to be both of yours big moment, but I don’t think it’s right to judge Sam especially because it was something he needed to find out too. He could’ve just woke up Colby and at least let him know, especially for safety since no one else was awake during that time and something could’ve happened. Colby was mad and he had every right to be, also because Sam casually mentioned it while they went to the basement. 🤦🏻‍♀️ But they communicated in a healthy way so that’s something at least. (I’m actually glad to see that because now we know what they do when they fight and it’s even more of a reason to love them) yea show us how it’s done! Some thing we all need to learn from.

—

Colby threw the tick down only to go back in and grab water. 💀

—

Okay everything I just wrote didn’t even save soo I’m going to have to try again. 🙃

—

I love this down to earth moment after what they were told about “were okay” moment.

—

I hope Colby is okay going into the woods especially since they’ve been warned. We see him running at the end so I’m hoping that means he goes back to the house.. also hoping they have walkie talkies just in case.

—

We all know Colby is some kind connection because he feels energy sometimes, but can we talk about how twice Sam has done the Estes method he started shaking. I don’t know if it’s a connection per say, but it’s definitely weird. He felt like something was pushing him down, and the last time he felt he couldn’t even move. (I felt like Colby was still mad from the prior conversation because when he said “what were you doing” I was like 👀 I’m glad he realized to take him out of it at least, because I couldn’t even see him shaking on camera) I might be over analyzing why I think Colby said that too but anyways.

—

I don’t mind Larray and Bella. I don’t think it added anything to the video like some have said, but overall it wasn’t horrible.

—

I still am sticking to my box theory with Cody and Satori. I don’t think they’re horrible people but I also think they are lying up a storm. I feel somehow sound can be manipulated to sound closer and further away, and a lot of the sounds comes from Cody’s area..

—

Sam and Colby tried the method and it didn’t work except for what they heard at the very last moment. I kinda wished it worked for them but I figured. 😕

—

The camera equipment not working was kinda freaky I won’t lie. The fact it does this a lot even with their batteries being full. Also who or what was coming up the stairs?? I feel it could be the 4th tour guide or Zach, but how Colby responded on Twitter says otherwise. I guess the spirit just wanted to make an appearance in the video.

—

I’m rewatching clips as I do this to remember (which is how this got deleted to begin with 🤦🏻‍♀️). Anyways, someone just posted a clip and you can see something outside the window when Colby is standing by the window, either about to go into the well or when they finished the Estes method idk.

—

Props for them staying in the rooms by themselves I could never. Especially when it’s a haunted house and knowing anything could happen.

—

I could never go to the graveyard like they both did, and Colby going in the next video. Hell no. I don’t do bugs, ghost, the dark, and especially when I am warned.

—

Dave being a Dave 🤪😡 I’m kinda scared of Dave but I hope it’s just messing with them.

I don’t know how spirits can travel through the water? I thought they can’t leave the house unless they died outside or something. So I’m not sure how the aquifer could let them travel.

Somewhat of an Ep 2 review because I didn’t do it

Believe: Josh getting touched because he wasn’t even moving, the scrapping noise, the door opening.

Not believe: Satori and Cody, the one small door opening on its own. Do the owners/caregivers just stay there or something? I can’t say anything about this house if they are just chilling in a random room while S&C investigate. I think they stay in a different house but I also don’t know for sure.

I’m on the fence about the noises again I wish I could know the truth.

[innocencelives]

talking to myself: Growth and a Paralyzing Crossroads

i think i am uncomfortable with stability.

last few days i cant stop thinking about how far ive come! unbelievable, truly-i cant believe it. from years i spent not with one friend, not a single one. total recluse, couldnt leave the house, scared of every human, never hung out with anyone because i just had not a single friend.

now i wake up everyday to dms from 10 different friends!! i used to sink into such a depression, a spiral of loneliness and self hatred and paranoia when someone didnt respond to me. now i try so hard to have the energy to respond to all my friends! i even find myself, actually telling myself that i COULD be mean if i were that person haha. knowing that people actually look up to me, people admire me from afar, people think im so fucking cool what the FUCK. and yet i still look in the mirror, and barely recognize that person, wearied, scarred, and battered.

obviously it……was maybe a month ago i was suicidal, convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that my life is a cruel joke made to subject an individual to the most brutal emotional agony imaginable… emotional impermanence. every emotion is all encompassing, i get lost in my head so easily.

ive started to tell people i have brain damage. it started as a joke, it sort of still is, but how better to explain the way trauma has left me so dysfunctional? forgetting everything, needing help with everything, missing social cues, using a shower chair haha. need help lifting everything, say so many things i dont mean. no shower in the last 6 months…yikes. brain damage is a perfect euphemism, i just dont work properly. im just in a mental wheelchair.

its okay, its who i am, its my life story, proof i made it out.

—

in the last hour i messed up. i had a chance to go to sleep at 4am, so early for me! oy. but i think, i think i felt uncomfortable at how semi-normal things have been. good friends, i actually cleaned! and kinda liked it???? thinking abt how loved i am, and how i have the potential for such peace in my future. so what did i do? i sabotaged it.

this is..too far from my abuse. too moved on, no breakdown recently. friends? that doesnt satisfyingly imply how wretched my abuse was. i suppose i felt fearful i would lose my status as a living, breathing, testament to the capability of incest to destroy ones entirely life and psyche. who am i if not living proof? the only proof, the only one who can say what he did. the only one to remember it, the only family member to believe it. maybe i think im, some kind of missionary, i bear the responsibility to pass my tale down to whoever will listen.

maybe its just the lack of closure. i mean, i still think abt it constantly, still am very broken, still was recently suicidal, but even a brief respite felt uncomfy.

so i went and read vicious, graphic depictions of unresolved abuse cases. then tried to masturbate to the idea my abuse was consensual.

oh this took a turn…healing is non linear, so so so so so incredibly erratic. i try to understand it, i try so hard, to connect to what happened to me. to break my numbness, to provoke this emotional self harm and pray it leads to catharsis. but it doesnt always. sometimes it just. hurts

7am now.

ah i feel it burning under my skin. the abuse, tangible, true, intoxicating in its truth. it burns, it aches, it yearns to be heard. i want to tell them all, i want everyone to know. i want to forget my whole childhood, but i also want to be the messenger, i want to keep the flame of my suffering burning. people must know, they must know how bad it was. anhedonia, rape, homelesness, a world branding me worthless, an extended family choosing a pedophile over me. they all must know. everyone should have it weigh on their concious. not just my family, everyone! everyone who exalts life should know the terrors some of us experience—describe it in seething, heart shattering detail. if you know life the way i know it, you should scream it from the rooftops. you should make the uninitiated bear the burden of knowing. it was comically, surreally unfair. a crime against everything we love about this world. the injustices that exist, the parallel realities we inhabit, they all must know.

im wrestling, fighting with the life i have, the life i had, and the life i want. i dont know how to reconcile them. im being pulled in so many directions. maybe im at a crossroads, 10 years since i understood the abuse. i dont know where to go from here. i dont know what i want to be. do i want it to consume me? do i want to leave it behind? its not forgetting, but its not a burden. whats between those two.

holding.

[nahalism]

heyyyyy 🖤 ofc ignore and dont feel pressured to answer if this goes into too personal territory. Did you ever get diagnosed/got suspected personality disorder(s) and (if yes) did it give you any guidance/deeper understanding of yourself?

<3 heyy, — i havent been diagnosed with a personality disorder, although there was a period of time i questioned if i had bpd, specifically quiet bpd. there are still symptoms of bpd i resonate with, but they could be related to other mental health issues ive dealt with (depression, anxiety, cptsd etc) so idk. tbh, because of how cloudy it all gets, i no longer look to being diagnosed as a solution. i personally dont want to be medicated, & outside of medication, allopathic medicine (imo) doesnt have answers or solutions for the 'issues' i face. ive used therapy during moments where i feel unable to look after myself/see the situation at hand clearly, (mostly to make sure i dont regress / i have someone objectively able to evaluate my decision making, which helps a lot cause when im spiralling i can doubt myself & feel out of touch with reality) but thats about it.

that said, every symptom ive dealt with/deal with, has helped me understand myself. the way i see it every problem pushes you toward its solution. e.g, (trigger warning) self harm was a symptom of the issues i was dealing with. it led me to understand that i struggled with regulating my emotions and that i held a lot of rage. i also realised that when i experience deep rage (rooted in fear), i take it out on myself, not on others. partly cause i didnt want to harm people, also because as much as the people, or situations i was in, caused me harm, i didnt want to push them away/give them a reason to 'leave me/my life' because that would reopen wounds i had regarding abandonment and not being good enough. each realisation was something i had to confront and deal with individually. thats just one example, but hopefully it details how i acknowledge symptoms i experience, then unpack them to point me in the direction of solving the issue.

knowing these things doesnt make the issue disappear. i still get distressed, and at times my impulse is still to hurt myself. but because ive taken time to understand the issue, i have coping mechanisms in place that help me self regulate and put things in perspective (e.g journaling, mindfulness practices, learning to address situations, and communicate my issues rather than take it out on myself). at first its not easy and it feels like 90% failing. sometimes you'll know the right thing to do, & not want to do it, orrr be doing the wrong thing whilst knowing what the right thing to do is. but awareness is the first step, and eventually it gets easier. over time (and by choice) ive learned to respond to myself with love. even though i have urges to be self destructive, i have enough compounded experience and perspective on what being destructive does to me and the people i care about to not do it. deeper than that, ive trained myself to stop recognising stress and chaos as 'normal' or my baseline. shadow work helps with this a lot. id recommend reading 'owning your own shadow' by robert a johnson, it helped me understand what to do with the left over destructive energy i was no longer using & how to put it into creativity rather than let it be damaging—

i know this was super long but i had to be specific because imo theres a lot of people who claim personality disorders are a life sentence / or who demonise people who struggle with them and that something i have never agreed with or felt was fair. i do think recovery is possible. however please bare in mind, im sharing my experience & whilst i stand on it & believe it can work for anyone, i have not been diagnosed with a personality disorder. it is completely possible ive found solutions to an issue/symptom that crosses over but does not belong to the issue ur asking me about. (e.g someone could use ashwaganda to solve their anxiety & panic attacks, but that might not work for someone who has panic attacks triggered by ptsd). the way i went about things was unconventional. it worked for me, but has taken a long time, has not been easy & im aware its not a path everyone would choose. (im not saying that to be quirky. its literally given me everything but cost everything in the process). if this resonates and feels like something you can do i highly recommend it. but if you begin to struggle, get lost in the weeds or feel like medication/therapy & whatever other solution better suits you, plsplspls do what it right for you and safest for you.

🖤 sending u big love. i hope this helped

[mycochaotix]

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r/Nonbinary fam posts: “My father won’t stop deadnaming me

So… I (21) went with name change a few months ago. My father told me that he would accept my new bame since it’s similar to my deadname but I shouldn’t expect him to be 100 % correct. He’s old for the change he said… (but my grandma is older and she’s trying)

And he never started. I never told anything because I’m like “ok he’s adapting” but it’s just long enough for me and I just sadly vented to my mom. She said: “he said he’d never call you anything else than you are. You should be glad he didn’t make a scene about the name change”. I know she didn’t mean it to sound that bad but… one time he even said “you should be glad we accepted and approved the name change”

He promised that he’d try 😭 my brother is doing the same since I never actually came out to him but his gf know… it just hurts”

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MCX responds:

Hey OP. This is hard, and I feel you… my parents arent trying to use my desired pronouns and im conflict avoidant to the point of not wanting to deal with it (because am in my 30s and live independent from them). Depending on your living situation, imo: You need to establish stronger and more proactive boundaries with your family, especially your father. If you live with your parents still and they support you, then something like “no contact” boundaries may not be ideal for you atm, although may be what you need to establish for your personal sanity in the long run. Its petty but you could start misgendering and misnaming your family when they do it to you xD i do that with my partner whose still adjusting to my agender preferences… and i make it a poke poke hahaha, but ‘not’ kind of energy ;) idk if that may work with ur parental… but just remember your stability and sanity are worth fighting for and may require you to cut off family who refuse to adapt and respect you. Imo: If they love you, they will actively try to not deadname you.

Oh another idea: basic operant conditioning: dont respond to your dead name at all. Ignore it when you hear it, dont make facial expressions, dont turn and look at whoever said it. If they nudge you, act shocked and say “who? Sorry my name is ____”. Let them look foolish.

If somebody text you with your dead name, don’t even respond just delete the text message. When someome uses your real name, respond emphatically and very specifically! “Reward” the desired behavior, when it happens, by engaging excitedly and animatedly with those who use your real name; and dont feed into undesired behavior (deadnaming). Eventually, they will realize that they have to use your real name and not your dead name.

Keep your head up, sending your some Queer love and hugs friend!

Ps: if u havent seen it, check out the Trans Atlantic Callin Show (https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAr7zcbKMJh0oDcXd91WfUifXheSnEmEE&si=WOmxH_Rle9lFfIU3)

Related resources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8654036/ “How LGBTQ Adults Maintain Ties with Rejecting Parents: Theorizing “Conflict Work” as Family Work” Supplemental: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8654036/bin/NIHMS1758013-supplement-1.pdf

https://organizations.headspace.com/blog/setting-individual-boundaries-while-trans-gressing-social-norms

[away-ward]

Hey, out of the horsemen, who do you think you'll be able to get along with the most? And the one that you can't? A ranking from most to least get along with would be best.

For me from getting along well with the most to least: honestly none. The horsemen and i are just too different to be able to even have a conversation without pissing the other off. But surprisingly i feel like i can get along well with damon and michael the most, maybe because they just dont scrae me at all. People usually dont approach them because theyre scary on the surface, but my social skills is kinda fucked (LOL!) so i might not take their frowns or looks as intimidating. But thats not to say im gonna have fun conversations with them or anything, but maybe i just wont have any trouble asking them questions or working on some school or work projects with them, because usually they get their work done, the we go separate ways. I'd say, they're ideal co-workers to have for me. They were also the most flexible horsemen (surprisingly) between the four so i dont worry too much if they jude, or dont judge me, because they'll just let me be. Plus my moral is abit questionable, so things that might be amoral to people, i might let it slide or might not care as much as others.

The third would be will, but honestly its mostly because he was nice, and our conversation could be fun AT A LIMIT, emphasizing on the limit, because im an introvert and from all my years of living, talking to extroverts, doesnt matter if i like/love them or not, is just so emotionally, brain-ly (?) and physically taxing. I do not have their level of energy, and i cant stand being around extroverts or social people more than a certain number of hours per day. Another problem i have with extroverts is just like how i dont understand their needs to be social, most of them dont understand my need to be alone too, so rather than respecting my needs of choosing to be alone, they'll keep on insisting me to have fun the way they have fun, dismissing the fact that we all have different ways we prefer spending our time on. Extroverts are the LITERAL BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. And from the way it was described in nightfall of how will never understood why emmy liked being alone (apart from the internal and external isolation she experienced) and always want her to be at the heart of a party, i truly cannot be around someone like will (or alex), I. Would. Die.!!! Around michael or damon, i never had to worry about these. Other than that, Will and i are two very different people on a very fundamental level, like i cant stand shallow conversations at all, so i wont be responding to his questions or thoughts as kindly or as much as he'd like me to, i just dont have that much kindness, curiosity, patience and time to be having small talks with will. He wil drive me crazy!!!Michael and damon might piss me off in conversations, but they wont make me feel like im talking to a child, which something i feel like will would make me feel, and He's definitely gonna be offended because he might think i undermine him and pooof, suddenly im on will graysons blacklist.

Fourth would be kai, and this is very surprising to me acrually, and the biggest reason might be because he's the most rigid person in the group, and im the free-est person i know. Being associated with kai in some sort of way will make me feel like im in a cage, but i can see the pros of having steady people like kai in this world, and people like him is what society needs to build a stable structure because theyre very reliable people. But just because theyre super reliable, doesnt mean i wanna have them around all the time. Just like michael and damon, kai is work place-ideal, but with a lesser inclination to have a talk with. We're both introverted which is good, but we're the opposite kind of introverted, because while my life is out of control, he's the epitome of control. I dont need him as a very close friend, but its good to have people like this in my circle, even as an acquaintance because theyre always ready for emergency. Our moral dont always align, because i think he's morally better than me (lmao) so if he goes crazy like he did with mads in firenight, im sorry, im not gonna be like michael, assuring him and all, i'll be judging him and ditch to be somewhere else, which was the last kind of presence he needs. Ooof, maybe im a bigger jerk than him? Ohmygod!

Anyway, this idea came up to me because I was crolling down your blog and i saw one of your first DN asks mbti, and i feel like Kai is definitely ISTJ, and since im a fan of mbti and cognitive functions etc., that was what sparked my ask. I disagree with anon of that ask that speculated emmy as INTP, but i do agree with a lot of their pounts that emmy could be and INTJ. In fact, she's the perfect example of it, even outside of her trauma. Anyway, it's also interesting how emmy does not and could not fit in with a bunch of majority too because thats usually how an intj person experiences life, since early childhood, even outside of trauma or ptsd. Which made me sad when will said something about emmy not fitting, when she of all people, probably mist have known this before anyone had to point out to her about her personility. It doesnt help that xNTx functions also made the least amount of people in the US and around the world, especially INTJ who's one of the rarest personality type out there. I remember reading about them and one of the many problems that INTJ women faces is society expected them to be OUTWARDLY kinder, warmer, more affectionate, cuter, caring, more feminine (wtv the fuck does that even mean) because society expects women to be a certain way. Interesting too how in the story pd also gives us the literal opposite of INTJ personality or emmy, which was alex (and to a certain extend rika and winter). I type alex and rika as ESFP and ESFJ, which makes a very big population of women around the world. Idk, if theres one thing about DN series i like is we see different kinds of women, and we see them having different personalities and strength and weaknesses, even outside of their backgrounds. Their backgrounds and past dont 100% make the present or future them, but they influence a big part of their personalities, thinking, biases, prejudices, and decision-making, so even without all these external circumstances' intervention, we can still see their personalities clearly. If you notice, emmy was just a reclusive and quiet person because of the abuse, even when she was out of it, or before she went through, it was already implied that she just loved her peace, the same goes with the other girls too. Idk, i know you mentioned about having know little tidbits about mbti, but what do you think? So far i type them like this:

Michael: ESTJ (Sentinels: Executive) / Rika: ESFJ/ISFJ (Sentinels: Consul/Defender)

- michael is the epitome of a ceo, and he has the credibility for it. As much as i like clowning him for his personal relationships, he gets hos professional work done, very well too. Rika is literally the mother of the group, very caring and all, no other words needed to describe her or michaelrika as a couple. They're very judging of others too, which was not a lie at all, lol! However, i feel like theyre both a very caring and giving type of person and couple, so the mom and dad of the group. A lot of their enjotment came from doing whatever they want because thats what they expect their closest and most important people to give them back.

Kai: ISTJ (Sentinels: Logistician) / Banks: ENTJ (Analyst: Commander)

- Kai is very strict and rigid, even outside of his fathers expectations, he couldve go out of his boundaries, but he rarely do because he loves his boundaries and rules and control. He's not as imaginative as Damon or Will, so his "N" type most likely isnt his dominant type. Plus, he likes things that exist in reality, and wasnt much into arts etc. like Winter and Emory were said to like. Banks is definitely an "NT" type, just not much of a strict thinker like emory, but still has a more outwardly agressive stance than em. I think the commander type is definitely her, based on her monologues and wuiet but efficient actions to run her plans, jobs, relationships and business. "TJ" functions suits kaibanks because theyre straight-laced and no nonsense type of couple. They do have fun, but its usually about breaking laws or traditions, thats their brands of mischief.

Damon: INFJ (Diplomat: Advocate) / Winter: ISFP (Explorers: Adventurer)

- damon feels everything, and winter is very artistic. They both are just so different with one another, but where one is lacking, the other makes it up well enough to fill in the details. I dont have much thoughts about these types other than saying they balance each other really well, be it from their brand of fun, or their own ways of dealing with intens emotions.

Will: ENFJ (Diplomat: Protagonist) / Emory: INTJ (Analyst: Architect)

- will's the protagonist of course 🙄🤷‍♀️😂 someone who loves to help others, and make decisions for others bcause they thought its the best, even if it wasnt always efficint 😂 will, i know i sound like i hate you in this post, but i 🫶 u babes. And someonewho loves all this attention, is balanced with someone who doesnt like unnecessary attention at all, emmy. Im not gonna go deeply about emmy or willemmy's types because theyre pretty self-explanatory, especially the "N" for exploring intuition, and "J" for judging. One thing about their N type con is they always overthink, live too much in their head. But good for them, it makes them love learning and wanting something deeper to look forward to in life. I think that anon already said a lot of things i wanna say, you can just add a link to their asks.

Aydin: ISTP (Explorers: Virtuoso) / Alex: ESFP (Explorers: Entertainer)

- aydin likes to work with his brain and hands, which was very similar with alex, thats why they're "S", not "N". A lot of their observation and judgement are made around reality, so it sometimes limits the possibilities beyond their framework (kinda like kaibanks, but aydinalex is less strict). I dont have else to add to them bcs idrgaf about them hahahah but yeah thats my two cents of them.

What do you think?

edited for grammar, spelling, and formatting

out of the horsemen, who do you think you'll be able to get along with the most? And the one that you can't? A ranking from most to least get along with would be best.

Me personally?

In the real world, none of them. I don’t think they’d like me and I don’t think I’d really like them. I think the most interaction we’d have is when I stop to watch one of their insta reels. But they’d have to be really funny.

So that being said, probably Will. He’s the only one I can see being funny online.

However, I take great pride in the idea that I’d probably irritate all of them except for Will, who I think would ignore me for the most part.

i feel like i can get along well with damon and michael the most

I’m surprised to hear someone say Damon and Michael, but I totally get your reasoning. It makes perfect sense.

I think people probably approach Michael. He was team captain at school. People followed him, his lead. He had to have some charisma. Just because I don’t see or feel it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have it within the narrative. He was also a well-respected professional athlete and businessman, from what we can tell. I’d say in his universe, he’s probably likable. We don’t like him/aren’t intimidated/think he’s boring 'cause we’ve been in his head.

I mean, as long as you’re not taken with his intimidating good looks (or so we're lead to believe) I think you’d probably be fine.

But interestingly, I think if people get nervous around him, it would probably be because he isn’t as engaging as it appears. He seems to be bored sometimes. If you’re not expecting to receive any reaction from him, you’d probably be fine.

I'd say, they're ideal co-workers to have for me. They were also the most flexible horsemen (surprisingly) between the four so i dont worry too much if they jude, or dont judge me, because they'll just let me be.

I’d say Michael would probably make a good co-worker. He understands teamwork and how to pull his own weight, and I’d imagine he’s probably pretty direct, so when he needs something, there’s no dancing around it.

As someone who’s an introvert and has problems with focus + task completion, my issues with would probably be timeliness. He seems like the kind of person who wants things when he wants them So if he interrupts me in the middle of a task and I can’t get back on track, that could be frustrating. But I think otherwise he’d be fine to work around.

I don’t ever want to be around Damon. I can’t get him appearing under Emmy in the pool out of my mind. I like watching him be messy with other people, but he seems like the kind of bully that would go through your stuff and rearrange it slightly just to watch you be paranoid when things aren't where you left them but nothing is missing.

But if you could handle them, props to you.

I do imagine that as fairly quiet, self-contained people, they’d be easy to work around in that sense. Not too draining.

The third would be will, but honestly its mostly because he was nice, and our conversation could be fun AT A LIMIT, emphasizing on the limit, because im an introvert and from all my years of living, talking to extroverts, doesnt matter if i like/love them or not, is just so emotionally, brain-ly (?) and physically taxing.

Do you mean mentally?

Yeah, extroverts can really take it out of an introvert. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with Will full on all the time. I’d need a buffer, someone to split his attention between so that I could get a break every once in a while, to decompress a little. But since he's generally good natured and doesn't mean harm, I wouldn't absolutely hate having him around sometimes.

will never understood why emmy liked being alone (apart from the internal and external isolation she experienced) and always want her to be at the heart of a party, i truly cannot be around someone like will

They would have needed to find a way to compromise. I think Emmy probably would have liked to go to more parties and have different experiences, but also to come home to chill or work on her projects, or watch movies alone or with just Will. I think, if Em had the opportunity and Will had the time to work with her, they probably could have figured it out. There would be fights for sure, but I don’t think it was impossible for them, had circumstances been different.

like i cant stand shallow conversations at all, so i wont be responding to his questions or thoughts as kindly or as much as he'd like me to

That’s funny. I can imagine Will trying to tell a joke and someone who thinks about things on a deeper level giving a really existential answer that he doesn’t understand, so he just finishes the joke anyway but without a laugh. He thinks they're a killjoy.

But for the most part, I think Will is probably deeper than people (his peers and sometimes even himself) give him credit for. It might take awhile to get there, but he’s not like a reflection pool.

Then again, we see how he reacted to Banks when Damon nearly swiped her on her bike. “She’s a *shudder* feminist!” Whatever, dude. He probably wouldn’t give you the time of day the second you didn’t fall all over for his smile and lame jokes (I mean, unless your emmy, that is?).

All I know is I don’t have the time or energy to put in the work to make any of them like me.

Fourth would be kai, and this is very surprising to me acrually, and the biggest reason might be because he's the most rigid person in the group, and im the free-est person i know

Kai’s interesting. Like I’ve said before, he’s friendly, but not kind or social. I think he’s outwardly nice, and that it probably comes from a genuine place, but that it’s very surface level kindness.

I’d probably get along with him the best, but only on the agreement not to ruffle each other’s feathers. I generally try to adjust to working with the people around me, and can be passive on matters that don’t rank high in importance for me. I think he can probably be the same. We see that when he notices Will starting to fail, Kai doesn’t immediately step in to stop him, but he doesn’t leave Will to himself either. He seems to take a more passive approach because who is he to force Will to do anything. At the same time, when Will asks, he’s honest with him about the reason he and Michael have been leaving him out of the decisions – he’s not reliable.

He didn’t want Will to burn down the gazebo, but he went with him because that’s what the horsemen do. Same with Damon and Winter, and Michael with Rika. There were moments where Kai disapproved of something they did, but even though he didn’t agree, he didn’t harp on it forever. He said his peace and left it at that.

The only thing he never shut up about was prison. Which I take personally.

I did appreciate that when the teachers starting noticing something odd about Mads, Kai wasn’t rushing to get him diagnosed or checked out. He left his kid to be himself, and until it started presenting as a problem, he had no intentions of making a big deal about that. But as far as him losing his head, that I understand and would expect from a parent. Written, it feels a bit exaggerated but sometimes life is that dramatic.

So I guess for me the order of who would irritate me less to be around:

Kai, Will, Michael, Damon.

this idea came up to me because I was crolling down your blog and i saw one of your first DN asks mbti,

Okay, getting back into MBTI. Nice. Since I don’t have a lot of time to dive deep into the personalities, I’m just using 16personalities to get an overview. I know it’s not the best source, but it’s easy to navigate.

which was alex (and to a certain extend rika and winter). I type alex and rika as ESFP and ESFJ

I had to go back to see what was said before. So I agreed that Emmy could be an INTJ. And I agree that Alex could be an ESFP. The entertainer really fits Alex quite a bit.

Idk, if theres one thing about DN series i like is we see different kinds of women, and we see them having different personalities and strength and weaknesses, even outside of their backgrounds

This is very true. We didn’t get cardboard cut outs, the same woman copy/pasted. As underdeveloped as they can be at times, they are individuals.

Individual MBTI’s

(this time, bolds are for emphasis & to break up large amounts of text for easier reading)

Michael: ESTJ (Sentinels: Executive) Rika: ESFJ/ISFJ (Sentinels: Consul/Defender)

I think I see where you’re going with Michael, but I personally see him as an ENTJ, The Commander. At a surface level they appear similar but diving into the Strengths and Weaknesses, and Romantic Relationships has me leaning that way. And I am inclined to think of Michael as intuitive, anyway. He makes decisions very quickly, often going with a gut instinct or what he "knows" to be right (even if he’s actually wrong) with seemingly very little to go off of.

Some points I liked from the website:

“Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on, and their Extraverted (E) nature means they are likely to push everyone else right along with them, achieving spectacular results in the process.”

“Commander personalities genuinely enjoy the challenge, the battle of wits, the repartee that comes from this environment, and if the other side can’t keep up, that’s no reason for Commanders to fold on their own core tenet of ultimate victory.”

“Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts (since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone), and to keep Commanders from displaying too much arrogance and condescension. However, they also have a particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity”

“Commanders put a lot of energy into their relationships, and they show their creativity by always having something new on the agenda to keep things interesting”

“their authentic confidence makes Commanders’ sex life dynamic to say the least, and they often push to explore new ways to express their affection with imaginative enthusiasm. Yet Commanders tend to have these innovations planned in advance, with some structure and predictability to their sex lives, leaving the true spontaneity to those less organized personality types.” – reminded me of the steam room scene. Michael had everything about that day planned. The only thing he didn’t anticipate was Kai.

Rika – I agree that she’s an extrovert, but like Michael, I see her being more intuitive than sensing. So I lean more towards an ENFJ, or The Protagonist.

Both types have strong morals and a sense of duty and tradition. They speak out when they see a wrong that needs to be right, and that all fits with Rika. There were just a few things in the Consul type that didn’t fit with the way I had interpreted her character. I especially feel the ENFJ’ parenting style would fit better with what I’d expect from Rika.

These personality types have an uncanny ability to pick up on people’s underlying motivations and beliefs. At times, they may not even understand how they come to grasp another person’s mind and heart so quickly. These flashes of insight

Generally speaking, they are motivated by a sincere wish to do the right thing rather than a desire to manipulate or have power over other people. Even when they disagree with someone, Protagonists search for common ground.

But getting involved in other people’s problems isn’t always a recipe for success. Protagonists tend to have a clear vision of what people can or should do in order to better themselves, but not everyone is ready to make those changes.

most readily express how they feel, so they often find themselves making the first move, rather than playing games or waiting for reassurance that the other person feels the same way.

Rika especially showed these traits when dealing with characters outside of Michael. She originally felt inferior to him, so perhaps adjusting her approach. But even then, at times she was the one to make the first move to pursue him, such as getting into his car in Corrupt or when she pushed for their relationship to not be hidden despite what others would think.

Kai: ISTJ (Sentinels: Logistician) Banks: ENTJ (Analyst: Commander)

I agree with Kai being an ISTJ!

Logisticians may not be particularly flashy or attention-seeking, they do more than their share to keep society on a sturdy, stable foundation. This was basically his role in the crew. Michael lead, Damon caused trouble, Will drew attention, and he was there to make sure it all fell into place.

rarely hesitate to take responsibility for their actions and choices. Generally speaking, they are quick to own up to their own mistakes, admitting the truth even if it doesn’t make them look good. He was pretty quick to take responsibility for almost killing a man in prison. (And I know I rag on him for complaining about going to prison, but the truth is that realistically he wouldn't have. His name and family’s money and reputation should have gotten him community service at most (because privilege). He knew he was wronged and he was pissed. I just hate that he was still complaining about it four years later when he’d gotten everything he’d “lost” and that he was blaming other people as if they had any control.)

Logisticians might unfairly misjudge people who can’t match their rigorous self-control. Suspecting that someone is being lazy or dishonest when that person might actually be coping with other challenges. Um. Will.

However… I’m reversing Michael and Banks. Banks I’d say is more ESTJ. For reasons as I’ve stated above, they’re really similar, there’s just a few features of the type that I feel better suit my interpretation of Banks.

Wild ideas and poetry are for less mature personalities, or so Executives might say, though they do appreciate recognition and well-placed compliments to maintain high self-esteem. They may look for more stability in their sex lives than most, but Executives never fail to bring their characteristic vigor.

Executives address conflict head-on with simple statements of fact – a very rational approach – but subtlety and emotional tact are sacrificed in the process.

Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the Executive personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance. Sorry, I'd never go to Michael for any kind of advice, but he did go to Banks.

Executive personalities lead by example, demonstrating dedication and purposeful honesty, and an utter rejection of laziness and cheating, especially in work

I was a bit conflicted, because I wasn’t ready to see Banks as an extrovert but I think I found the answer to that in her ESTJ-A

Assertive Executives say they don’t need approval to be happy. Assertive individuals tend to think in more independent terms. When this independence is combined with the Thinking personality trait, these Executives are a little more likely than Turbulent Executives to keep others at a distance.

Assertive Executives are less interested in conforming. Their self-assurance and their sense of purpose offer them a perspective that allows these personalities to place less value on how others see them.

Connecting with others likely comes from a place of “want” for them, rather than “need.”

Damon: INFJ (Diplomat: Advocate) Winter: ISFP (Explorers: Adventurer)

I’m going to make a case for Damon as ISTP. This is really the only one I’ve strongly stuck with since I’ve started considering their types with the first ask. I totally get where you’re coming from with INFJ, though. He does feel everything, but consider these points from the intro of ISTP

Often mechanics and engineers, Virtuosos find no greater joy than in getting their hands dirty pulling things apart and putting them back together. In the business, Damon takes charge of building the designs Emory comes up with. He's also fired or redone other people's work because it wasn't up to his standard.

Virtuosos can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.

at their heart is a strong sense of direct fairness, a “do unto others” attitude, which really helps to explain many of Virtuosos’ puzzling traits. Instead of being overly cautious though, avoiding stepping on toes in order to avoid having their toes stepped on, Virtuosos are likely to go too far, accepting likewise retaliation, good or bad, as fair play. 👀👀👀 damon?

Dating Virtuoso personalities is a tango, complex and interesting, with alternating coldness and detachment, and passion, spontaneity and enjoyment of the moment. Again, Damon?

Virtuosos’ partners tend to find that intimacy is about the closest they get to open emotional expression. It’s not that Virtuosos don’t have feelings – they actually run quite deep and strong – just that they conceal and protect them because they are unsure how to deal with them and express them.

I’ll stop before I copy the whole thing...

As for Winter, I agree 100%. She’s the other one that I’m sure of. Strange, since I don’t really care for her all that much.

Will: ENFJ (Diplomat: Protagonist) Emory: INTJ (Analyst: Architect)

I think that anon already said a lot of things i wanna say, you can just add a link to their asks

I certainly can! Here and here are the previous asks about MBTI. The first link is more relevant. I went far off-topic in the second, but it’s there if you want a refresher of the original ask.

And…I’m back to disagreeing. Darn. I’d like to go more than one. I’m still leaning towards ESFP or ENFP. When I was doing more research, one of those said that they were more inclined to falling into addictions, but that could be both Alex and Will. I know it feels off to give them both the same type, but it could happen. I like ENFP because it sounds so much like Will on the surface, but he’s not really all that intuitive. In fact, I’d said Alex is supposed to be more intuitive than him. But anyway.

And Emmy is perfectly fine just where she’s at. I think INTJ fits her very well.

Aydin: ISTP (Explorers: Virtuoso) Alex: ESFP (Explorers: Entertainer)

You're right, Aydin was a doctor and liked to work with his hands, but Damon found he liked to build things and got into business with Em. So I’m not ready to give that up either. However, the one I’m most inclined toward for Aydin is INTP. I know you said he’d be more of an “S” but I also think he struggled with the path he was placed on. He was a thinker, a bit philosophical at times, with Emmy. So was Damon, so maybe I am just out on a limb here.

Logicians pride themselves on their unique perspectives and vigorous intellect. This man always thought he was the smartest person in the room.

People with this personality type hardly ever stop thinking. From the moment they wake up, their minds buzz with ideas, questions, and insights. At times, they may even find themselves conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads.

They have a reputation for being pensive, detached, and a bit reserved. That is, until they try to train all of their mental energy on the moment or the person at hand, which can be a bit uncomfortable for everyone. I think this is partially how he was able to take control of Blackchurch. It's probably uncomfortable to feel like Aydin is reading you inside and out, without you actually saying anything.

When they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, these personalities absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another. Few things energize them like the opportunity to swap ideas or enjoy a lively debate with another curious, inquiring soul.

They may change their mind on anything from their weekend plans to a fundamental moral principle, without ever realizing that they’d appeared to have made up their mind in the first place. In addition, they are often happy to play devil’s advocate

Logicians are well represented among mathematicians, analysts, researchers, and scientists, particularly in more abstract fields such as physics. Jobs in engineering and technology can also be a match, especially if they allow room for creativity.

And again with Alex, ESFP seems to fit her perfectly, but she could possibly be an ENFP for the same reasons that Will could be an ESFP. Or an ENFJ. It’s really all how you interpret their significant moments.

So those are my current thoughts. There's not a whole lot I'm tied to, except for what I mentioned. I don't feel I'm right, and you have every right to keep your own interpretations. there's plenty here for me to be incorrect about, and I'm just guessing for the most part.

I hope you don't mind how different our thoughts were. I really appreciate your ask and the fact that you took the time to go that far back! That's impressive, and it's nice to know that people are still reading that even though it was so long ago in internet time.

Let me know if you have any additional thoughts you want to share!

[missmeinyourbones]

can you do the crazy girls ask but for aot girls (incl hange) as well? thank you!

hehe i am so glad you requested this!!! i love when women <333 this ask is based on this prompt of the aot characters dating a reader who is "crazy" like "maddy from euphoria" LMFAO which i interpreted as an emotionally strong individual who isn't afraid to take anyone's shit :)

mikasa loves how independent you are. she adores how you can stand your ground and dont need anyone to defend or save you from situations (ofc she is always willing and prepared to, but you assure her you can handle things yourself) i think she likes having a s/o who is a little crazy and unpredictable (ex: eren being a literal feral chihuahua who she has to keep on a leash) so i think she finds a lil bit of humor and enjoyment when ur ripping someone a new one or going off on someone. she kinda stands in the back like <3 thats my baby

sasha is so funny because she cant decide if she’s absolutely petrified or turned on by the situation unfolding in front of her LOL. she sees you pointing your fingers and furrowing your brow as you yell at the person who cut you guys in line. i think she’s a little afraid of confrontation, so the fact that you are always ready to speak up and wont hesitate to throw down if you need to both terrifies and excites her. she’s torn between being like hmmm baby its ok maybe we should just leave or standing there with little hearts around her head like O.O wow they r hot when theyre mad LMFAO

hange is just super ride or die. so if their s/o is someone who is crazy and can go from being extremely happy and comforting to those they like vs terrifying and intimidating to their enemies, hange is right there with you. you mention one time that you don't like this one guy in your lecture hall and they're automatically like "ok so whats the name of that one guy we don't like, the one in ur class" they just trust you wholeheartedly so if you are acting "crazy" or have a lot of emotions, they fully validate you and your feelings. hange please validate me

pieck LOVES it. she absolutely adores how passionate and protective you were when it comes to who or what you love. you guys are out at a bar and a man catcalls pieck and before she can even roll her eyes or mutter something under her breath, you are already sizing up the perpetrator. she loves how you care for her, even if you show it through yelling at strangers that disrespect her LMFAO. SHES SO SUPPORTIVE she just watches you tear down the patriarchy from the sidelines. when ur done w ur verbal assault, she just kisses ur shoulder, blushes, and giggles while u continue to rant about how “pathetic it was” that the man even thought he had a chance w her :/

annie doesnt really care about much but when you, her s/o, come home screaming about how someone was rude to you today she immediately starts coming up with ways to k*ll them. she’s about to leave the house when you finally calm down and say “oh its fine i already slashed their tires’ ... she’s like HUHHHHHH lmfao i think she’s used to being the one who is all hard and scary so if you are so straight forward with your anger or just emotions in general, she respects you so much. she didn’t think it was possible to be so openly emotional and simultaneously terrifying at the same time, but there u are :)

hitch herself gives off maddy perez energy. so the two of you being that way??? unstoppable. she's obsessed with how scary and intimidating you two are LMFAO she knows that you are fully capable of handling your own but since you are both so powerful (and hot) you like to defend one another rather than yourselves. you make it into a game. like if a stranger at a bar is being disrespectful to you, you count how many seconds in your head it takes for hitch to be at your side calling him a "cunt" or vice versa, someone got caught talking about hitch behind her back and she doesn't even respond to them, instead she tells them to wait until you find out about what they said. that always sends them running

[plush-rabbit]

Straightforward Confessions

Request: Oh ok then maybe when you have time can you do dabi, Bakugo, Tomura and Toga himiko with female s/o who's very straightforward about liking them? Recently I saw a similar request somewhere but unfortunately it looks like it was deleted :( I hope this isn’t too much for you.

A/N: I did this as more of a confession type rather than an established relationship because i feel like they would know if you like them if youre in a relationship with them, so yeah. Sorry if its not what you wanted:P (also i dont know enough about canon bakugo so yeah?)

-

Bakugo Katsuki:

Katsuki is a bit rough around the edges but he’s growing. He’s maturing and trying to be more of a team player rather than facing everything by himself and trying to prove himself to others. He doesn’t have a secret soft side, but he is kind in his own way. He looks out for his allies and includes them in his plan. He’s admirable, having such a strong goal in mind. But, he’s still one who has focused his entire goal towards becoming a hero, not having time for any romantic relationships.

Telling him your feelings isn’t exactly the best idea. You can never be sure where you stand with him- he isn’t some flirt or tries to attract his classmates in any way so you aren’t even sure if he will return your feelings. The only thing that you can actually rely on is that he won’t spread around the fact that you like him and that he’ll be in his room before the clock even strikes ten. You knock on his door and just like every day and night before, his room is empty, and he’s already dressed in his pajamas.

Your words blurt out before you can even subtly make the conversation about feelings. It’s silent for a minute, his expression is neutral and somehow that makes it harder for you to read, unable to know what he feels- even if it were to be something negative, you just wish you could gauge his reaction. He clears his throat, telling you to leave his room. He’s anything but sweet in your moment of confession and somehow that makes you feel relieved- knowing that what you said doesn’t change anything out of the ordinary, at least that you hope.

He isn’t entirely sure about how to feel towards you or his reaction. He has a restless night, tossing and turning and when he wakes up, he still feels exhausted.The next day, he’s unable to go on about his day like he usually does- he stutters in his insults, his attention drifting back towards you and he’s less than pleased with it all. He’s never used to actually developing feelings for someone and when you came to confess to him, it caught him off guard. He’s unable to tell whether he actually has romantic feelings for you or not.

The next few days consist of Katsuki in his own mind, trying to figure out the feelings that he does have for you. He would rather not leave you in the dark especially when you had the courage to actually confess to him. He walks up to you, calling for your attention and when you meet his eyes, he tells you that he’ll take you out on a date- something simple- enough for him to gauge his feelings for you.

Dabi:

Dabi is a hard individual to read and interact with. He puts on a stoic demeanor, trying to act as if he’s unbothered by the people around him, but he isn’t. He’s crude with his words, not bothering to mince them, self-assured despite how his quirk hurts him, passive-aggressive, making snide comments and grinning widely at the misfortune of others. He’s a being who tries so hard to appear to not care, but the truth is, he cares deeply about those around him, but his views and passions are brighter than his emotions.

Confessing to the cremation villain is easy. He likes being alone for most of the time, retreating to his room and if you were to follow him and request entry, he’d more than likely allow you. When you do so, he only shouts back with an “it’s open” and the door squeaks as you push it open. He raises his hand in a greeting and returns his attention to a magine, the thin pages pressed between his fingertips. When you call his name, he gives you his full attention, arms spread and legs extended, the magazine closed without a bookmark to return him.

It’s surprisingly easy to confess when there are no distractions around. He takes your confession with consideration. His eyes wide and head tilting, only for his features to morph into a wicked grin. He’ll humor you, tell you okay and when you can huff with a disappointed look, he waves his hand away. Once you’re gone, his smile quickly falls, his hand dragging down his face and his head knocking against the wall behind him.

You like him- that’s certainly something new. He isn’t entirely sure of the feelings he has towards you. He rubs his thumb and index finger together, trying to figure out what he does feel about you. He doesn’t want to string you along and give you any false sense of hope. Yet, he’s hardly aware of his own feelings towards you. While he prefers to be alone, he does enjoy spending his time with you and has the habit of trying to impress you when you two are out on mission together. Perhaps it is something akin to a crush or an emotion that mimics yours.

Time passes for him to actually gather his thoughts and feelings into something cohesive. However, during that, he has to avoid you and while that is less than pleasant, he needs to sort out his own feelings first. You were straightforward with him, it’s only right that Dabi confesses to you as you confessed the way to him. He goes to your room, sits beside you and tells you that he also has feelings for you.His eyes are on yours, his hand on his knee with his ring and pinky finger outstretched as if trying to grab your hand.

Shigaraki Tomura:

Tomura isn’t able to gauge feelings well considering he hasn’t had interaction with people other than what All For One allowed near him. He’s a born leader, focused and planning ahead, desperate to be on top. He has a strong will that he set out for himself that makes you believe that he actually has a chance at winning despite the odds. His personality is something painted in gold and you can’t help but want to admire him and want to be with him.

You speak to him in private, hoping that no one else will hear your confession to him. The only thing you can hope for in case of rejection is that he’ll treat you the same. You manage to get him when he’s alone, the door to his closed behind you and you sit beside him, asking him to just listen to what you have to say without interruptions. You tell him that you like him, plain and simple, that you have romantic feelings for him and while he doesn't have to return them, you also wanted to tell him. You don’t mention how you can’t seem to control your beating heart when around him.

New to these types of feelings- especially those that involve something more than friendship or hatred- he’s unsure of how to respond. The silence is enough for you to recognize that he needs to be alone with his thoughts. You pat his knee, telling him that he doesn’t have to respond, but you just wanted to tell him. You give his knee a squeeze and give him a soft smile, standing up and exiting his room, closing the door behind you, leaving a villain alone to fester with their thoughts.

The following days are odd. He’s in a mix between wanting to talk to you and be around you, desperate to figure out what should happen next, but he also wants to avoid you. You left him to fester with his thoughts and he has. It’s a mess of emotions that go on inside of him. He doesn’t know how he feels about you. This group is as close as he’s ever got to friendship and freedom, romance was something completely off the table, discarded and told it was worthless. He’s unsure how to feel about you.

He knows that he likes you, but he isn’t sure if he likes you simply because you’re one of the few who treated him as a person rather than a villain first or if he actually likes you in a romantic sense. Tomura figures he must like you back- he thinks about you constantly, but confessing to you is difficult. But, he doesn’t want you to think of him anything less for being inexperienced with relationships. He comes up to you, his gaze on you, trying not to look away while doing so. He clears his throat, his hand against his neck as he tells you that he does have some sort of feelings for you but that he’s new to anything romantic.

Toga Himiko:

Himiko is an energetic one. She wears her heart on her sleeve, falling for those who have strong hearts and love struck once she does. There’s a lot to like about her- her energy, her excitement, her personality and how she laughs and seems to constantly move when just standing. You were drawn to her, your heart pounding in your chest, and you could only take so much of it before you confessed to her.

Once you confess to her, she is a bit dumbfounded at first. She’ll stare blankly at you for a minute, her head tilted and hands are relaxed as she processes your words. After a moment of silence, she's smiling wide and wrapping her arms around you, her face nuzzling into the crook of your neck. She pulls away, her hands never leaving your body as she comments how happy she is to hear that, and that she returns your feelings. Her lips peck at the corner of your lips, a pink tint dusting across her face as she confirms that you do have feelings for her. She accepts your feelings for her with an open heart, holding your hand tightly and wanting to show off that you two are something more than friends.

After the initial day of feelings being confessed, she’ll avoid you the next day. The night before, she was fine, chatting with you the night before, holding your hand and painting your nails to match hers. The next day, she avoids you. You don't see her in the morning, and nor does anyone else- or at least they merely shrug and mention that she was feeling sick and locked herself in her room.

As a villain, her options for romance are limited and having you confess to her is almost too good to be true. She’s unsure of what to say, of how to even act other than the girl who’s in love. She’ll call for you, shoot you a quick message for you to meet her in her room where she confesses her fears. For once, you see a more serious side of her, her eyes downcast and grin gone, replaced with only a slight frown.

It’s obvious that she likes you as well, returning your feelings, but she’s just so nervous about the relationship- the woulds and the ifs. She wants to be close to you but she also fears that she’ll be too much during it. A reassurance about the relationship moving at a pace comfortable for her calms her worries, her smile gentle and her cheeks tinting with a pink hue. She hugs you tight, her perfume light and sweet like candy as she nuzzles her face into your neck.

[technowoah]

Hi! If you do tommyinnit x reader (romantic), I would like one where reader is tubbo's sister perhaps? She would have the feature reader has still not tubbos. Maybe they meet when tubbo and tommy meet up and he just kinda starts to like her? If not that's ok! -paw <3

Prepare For Trouble Make it Double

I hope this suffices 😋

Requested!

Romantic(?)

Tommyinnit x Tubbo's sister!reader (blurb?)

⚠︎ its tommy so it'll be slight swearing-

It wasn't a secret that Tubbo had siblings, he had Lani of course, but what people didn't know that he had another sister closer to his age.

You tended to stay out of the spotlight, for reasons. Streaming was interesting but not your fortè. You usually tended to stay behind the camera when Tubbo was streaming or off to the side quietly talking to him as he did his own lore or sitting on Lani's bed doing your own thing listening to her talking to her viewers.

Your siblings never tried to convince you to go out of your comfort zone and appear on streams, only once in a blue moon you would talk to Lani out of frame. Lani of course would respond, the chat would freak out asking if you were a friend, finally the moment was gone as fast as it came.

Thats how days go in their household. Tending to hover around eachother and whatever they were doing at the moment. But it was this one particular moment when Tubbo was streaming and he suddenly decided to bring you on to show his 700k viewers that he had another sister.

He had pulled up a brown folding chair next to him and patted it beckoning you to sit down in frame.

Tubbo was currently streaming on the Dream SMP, you didnt think he was doing lore today so you hesitated a little bit. Other days you wouldn't have budged out of your spot out of sight, but he looked so excited in his yellow jumper you had bought for him whe going to out to the shops.

In a unrelated note You remember saying that "yellow is your color" and he ended up buying it, and his stans loved the jumper. So a win win.

"C'mon Y/N!" He yelled as continued to pat the folding chair next to him.

You ended up shuffling over to the seat next to him and smiling at the camera. Over in the corner of your eye you saw the chat which was going 1 million miles an hour. You saw some comments that were basically copypastas of other comments in the chat. It was basically nonsense, now the only thought in your mind is that you're going to make an uproar on twitter.

"This is my sister chat!" Tubbo said while shaking you around by the shoulders making the both of you laugh.

"Yes chat! I have more siblings" he continued while rocking back and forth in his gamer chair.

He continued to answer more questions and ask you some too, wanting to include you in the stream.

"Lani isn't the only one! My big sister is just shy."

"I just chose not to be on their streams! I was in the background of Lani's streams though."

"Out of frame. Dosent count." Tubbo said bluntly while still walking around SnowChester in the Dream Smp not looking your way.

You could still see the chat in the corner and you couldnt tear your eyes off of it. It was slight glare from the lights and the sun shining in his gaming room. He always had the lights bright in his room. The chat was spamming purple hearts and either still freaking out that Tubbo had a sister. It was getting old to you, so you decided to lean into Tubbo's space focusing on his screen as he quickly hopped around the map.

He continued talking to chat about anything else, but your presence. He continued to talk about gathering supplies and what he needed to bring back to SnowChester. You knew a lot about the Dream Smp lore because you weren't in it. Spending time on Twitter interacting with people and their theories and also making theories and showing them to Tubbo and him debunking them, or accepting them in some way.

"So we need some more lapis." Tubbo said suddenly after being quiet for a while.

"I can help you!" You said wanting to be apart of the stream.

You might as well, you're already here.

"I dont think you can help, 'cause you're not on your account. Plus it'll be awkward with your laptop." Tubbo said while speeding through his water transportation system.

"Well I can just point it out to you." You said while leaning back into your seat.

"Talk to the chat while I go mine for lapis."

"Fine then." You smirked as you turned your attention to the speeding words in the chat.

"Is there a slow mode on this?!" You laughed.

Tubbo laughed as well. "This is on slow mode!"

You both screamed in fake agony and then turned your attention back to the chat where the you caught a few questions. You were about to answer until the chat stopped for a quick second and you saw one comment out of all for a quick second.

✔tommyinnit: HI TUBBO'S SISTER IM TOMMY LETS MAKE A VIDEO TOGETHER

After that comment the whole chatt was just spamming the word 'TOMMY' or 'TOMMY IS IN CHAT'. That confused you even more than that comment.

When you did know about the Dream Smp you also knew a little bit about who Tubbo hangs out with. You knew about the time Tubbo had met up with Wilbur Soot, Philza, and Tommy. And that prompted you to look up their individual accounts and get into their content.

You knew about Tommy and his character and channel, you enjoyed his content a lot as well, but you wanted to play around a little bit. Hopefully Tubbo will play along.

"Why is the chat spamming Tommy?"

"Tommy? You know Tommy don't you?" Tubbo asked with a small bit of shock in his voice.

"No I dont, who's Tommy?" You asked again, acting oblivious.

"Oh. Oh well then, Tommy is like my best friend, we're actually meeting up soon!" Tubbo said with excitement.

He continued. "You hear that chat! You get Tommy and Tubbo content!

You had lost interest in Tubbo talking with his chat about hanging out in Brighton with Tommy again. Your eyes drifted towards the chat again and saw Tommy comment in the chat again.

✔tommyinnit: HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM

✔tommyinnit: I WILL NOT MAKE A VIDEO WITH YOU ANYMORE

"Well Tommy I dont have an account so, sorry I cant get you views whoever you are." You said responding to Tommy with a smirk.

"Woke up and chose violence huh?" Tubbo laughed and you joined in as well.

"Tommy chose violence today too."

"You both are violent you will be nice together." Tubbo said with his focus still in his screen.

"Together?!" You exclaimed.

"Yeah together!" Tubbo said matching your energy.

You rolled you eyes and continued answering other comments instead of thinking about Tubbo's answer.

After that whole, incredibly longer than you thought, stream Tubbo decides to invite you along to their little meeting. Which you didnt know how you found yourself walking along Brighton's rocky shore in old Crocs. You were walking along the shoreline letting the cold water come up and hit your feet every so often.

He was waiting for Tommy at the moment, but you wanted to walk for a bit, he let you ho on by yourself while he waited for Tommy by himself.

You were quite a long way from where Tubbo seated himself on the rocks, you were doing your own thing looking at people who stared back at you for temporarily blocking their line of view of the shore, and little kids who decide to run away from their parents who weren't paying attention. Your peaceful walk got interrupted by your thoughts because you were quite a long way from Tubbo's resting place.

You started to head back, following back the way you came, but this time picking up the pace a bit to reach your destination. As you came upon Tubbo you saw a taller figure approach Tubbo and they seemed to greet eachother, it was hard to see where you were standing. Of course it was Tommy so the two of them started talking about who knows what, until Tubbo pointed your way.

As you kept walking, Tubbo continued to wave you over enthusiastically. You waved back with the same energy, finally making your way over to the both of them.

"What's up?" You asked the two of them with a smirk.

"Nothing much! Apparently you two haven't met before! So Tommy this is Y/N! Y/N thjs is Tommy!" Tubbo user hand gestures to introduce eachother.

You held your hand for Tommy to shake it, "Hey Tommy! Im a big fan."

"Big fan?! I thought you said you didn't know me?" Tommy exclaimed.

He was a lot less shouty in real life, than online. He was still loud, but to a lesser extent.

"Yeah I lied back then." You sent him a huge grin.

Tommy scoffed and groaned a little, "I cant belive you fuckers lied to me."

"Im actually a big fan. Well not big, but a fan at least." You laughed.

Apparently you and Tommy were the only ones standing while Tubbo typed on his phone while sitting back on the rocks not paying attention and letting you both talk amongst yourselves.

"Oh! That's an honor that Tubbo's big sister like my videos." Tommy's eyes widened slightly as he talked to you.

"Big sister only by 1 year! It's close!" Tubbo complanied, looking up from his phone.

"It still count big man." Tommy said to his friend.

"Thanks Tommy!" You thanked the tall man standing next to you.

"It's only a year! It dosent count! We're the same age!" Your brother continued to complain.

After the laughter and joking around calmed down you and Tommy stood there awkwardly until he spoke up again.

"Well good thing I know what I have to deal with. I cant deal with one of you, now I have to deal with two." Tommy joked around taking a seat next to Tubbo.

The exact moment when Tommy took a seat next to Tubbo, Tubbo shot up from his spot on the ground.

"Do you think we can do Uber Eats here?" Tubbo asked as he stood up.

You say down next to Tommy. "Yeah maybe if you go to a certain place and not say "the beach".

"I'll go to the pizza place and order there. What do you both want?" Tubbo asked, ready to put in any order.

"Just get McDonald's really." You sighed leaning back on the rocks.

"Im not hungry." Tommy said bluntly.

Tubbo nodded and walked away from you both leaving you two to sit in silence for a while with the small waves crashing, and kids having their own fun. It was a comfortable silence to you, but Tommy kept figeting over where he sat criss-crossed.

Tommy finally spoke up. "Im actually fucking starving ya know?

"No I don't! You should've asked for food!" You laughed in disbelief.

Tommy sighed. "Do you want to get some food and ditch Tubbo for now?"

Your eyes widened, not opposed to the idea, but was this his plan the whole time?

He continued on, "We could go sit at that pizza place and order some food there. Just the two of us until Tubbo freaks out."

You opened your mouth to protest leaving your brother in the dark, but he beat you to it.

"Dont worry about Tubbo! Stuff rolls off his back easy."

"No it dosent-"

"Yeah it does! You wanna just go out with me now?!" Tommy exclaimed.

"Are you getting annoyed?" You asked amused at his words.

"No I am not I just-"

"Yeah I want to go to the pizza place now. I would love to Tommyinnit." You smiled at him and he smiled back.

Both of you got up and made your way over to that small pizza diner close to the beach. You only could hope this goes as well as you wanted it to

[yandere-society]

Scream

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Synopsis: It’s been a year since your mother was slaughtered, with no leads pointing to any possible suspects. It’s been an up-hill battle for you to accept what happened— especially with no answers or closure— and the citizens of your hometown have been sleeping with one eye open ever since. But now, the mystery killer has decided to make an anniversary visit, and is making it known that they not only have a dire love for infamous horror films... but they also have their targets set on you and all of your closest friends.

Word count: 8k

Headline: Small Town Woodsbroro Is Waking Up Screaming Once Again!

Warnings: dark themes; Gore; Smut; Crackhead humor (only because I promised my bff I’d give her an honorable death scene); Foul language; Jungkook is psychotic; Graphic depictions of him killing your mom/friends; we’re also going to pretend that it’s outrageously easy to get away with murder; dont fact check me on anything you read here; rough sex; mask kink. 

Admin: @tatertotthethot​

Baley was high as a fucking kite.

 So high, that she didn’t care about it being 1am as she blasted the Cha-Cha slide at full volume. 

  So high, that she was completely disregarding her lactose intolerance whilst making herself a triple layered, sharp cheddar grilled cheese that was bound to have her ass blasting right back off by 3am. 

  So, outrageously stoned, that she was totally unaware of the masked killer standing just outside the glass doors in her kitchen, watching her every move.. With her beat up, hogtied boyfriend laying out next to him. 

  “Now it’s time to fawnky! To the right now—“ 

  She crab walked along with the instructions, spatula in hand. 

  “To the left!”

  “Take it back now, y’all.” 

  Ghostface grimaced beneath his mask, eyes stalking the stoned woman with disdain. She was  the epitome of “crackhead energy” and it pissed him off how much she resembles you. It only makes sense, being as you two have been best friends since kindergarten— probably soulmates in a past life— but it is within that fact that Ghostface has grown to absolutely fucking loath her. 

  She’s too much like you. She keeps up with your humor and probably has more of your heart than he, himself, has earned a place in yet. He knows good and well that if it ever came down to you having to pick between him and her, you’ll pick her. 

  That simply will not do. That’s exactly why he is about to rid you of that option— or, as he sees it, the dilemma. 

He growled and  swung at the air, wishing he could just bust in and end her already.

  “How could you be in love with that creature?” He hissed at Taehyung, the built-in voice box beneath his mask altering it enough to remain anonymous. The question was quite hypocritical, being as he was in love with a girl that most would consider Baley’s second-half, but only you were an exception to being so.. abnormal.

  “Mmmph—“ Taehyung drearily gurgled out from beneath the strip of tape over his mouth, tears breaching his eyes as he watched Baley’s precious, uncoordinated ass do the “Charlie brown”. It looked more like a fucked up gallop.

  “What is the sex like, dude?” Ghostface ripped the duck tape off Taehyung’s split lips. “That’s a serious question.”

 “Boo bear..” was all Taehyung could muster up, more scared for her than himself.

  Ghostface gagged and slapped the tape right back on with a little too much force, having to take a second to regain his composure before pressing the call button on Taehyung’s phone. The Spotify music thankfully cut off as her phone rang out from the counter.

  Baley was only upset for a split before she spotted the name on her phone screen, and was quick to answer it with a sickening amount of glee.

  “Angel muffin!” She cooed. Gross

  “Hi, boo bear..” Ghostface flipped his middle finger up at Taehyung before clutching his Bowie knife back down to his side. 

  “Oh my God, What was that? You sound like Corpse, mixed with the bear from Five Nights At Freddy’s.” 

  “The bears name is Freddy, dumbass.” 

  Baley neck rolled back in offense.

  “Are you trying to get pegged or prolapsed? Might wanna remember who the fuck you’re talking to, the next time you call this cellular.” She snapped, hanging the phone up with a viscous pout. She still somehow managed to pick back up on the beat and cha-cha’d real smooth as she took the pot off the eye and turned the stove off, visibly upset.

  Ghostface stood there for a moment, processing what she just said, before turning towards Taehyung. 

“She claps your cheeks?” 

  Taehyung glared back at the screaming-ghost mask, bracing himself when a gloved hand reached out to once again rip the ductape off his lips. 

  “It’s not sus!” He immediately defended. “I have a gspot up there for a reason. I am not ashamed to use it.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about that!” The killer snapped out. “why would you let that.. unstable individual insert something into your rectum—“ 

  “You’ve got a whole lotta nerve calling somebody else unstable,” Taehyung deadpanned, and with that, his mouth was once again resealed shut. 

  He called Baley’s phone again, just as she was about to take a bite of the sandwhich that she’ll, unfortunately, never get to eat. 

  “What, fucker?” She scorned.

  “I can see you.” 

  “Oh, yeah?” She sarcastically spat. “Then what am I doing?” 

  She clenched her buttcheeks in and hunched her back out, her body resembling a question mark, before vigorously gyrating her body- mostly just her spine. Jungkook knows from the various tiktoks you’ve shown him that he was witnessing the inverted-twerk. 

  “Hm? Tell me, fuckboy. What am I doing?”

  ”Something a fucking cockroach does after I spray Raid on it. How the fuck do you clench your buttcheeks like that?” 

  Baley halted in mid thrust, surprised but not exactly fearful (yet) as she whizzed around to face the sliding glass doors that led into her back yard. It was pitch black outside, and all she could see was her own reflection starring back at her. She was also too high to care about the fact that she had the hood of her sweatshirt over her head and the strings pulled all the way out, which  only exposed the center of her face in a squished circle. 

  “I use my glutes. You know that. Why haven’t you come in?” She asked, not superstitious but a lil-stitious. 

  “This isn’t Taehyung.”

  “Okay, Isn’t Taehyung. Why haven’t you come in?” 

  “Because I want you to come out here.” The killer responded, grinning at the visible unease finally creeping into the girls stance.

  “Okay, babe— I hate to be a bummer here, but considering that today is the one-year anniversary of Ms. (L/N)’s murder, this isn’t very Cash Money of you. Can you please just come in and.. stop?”

  He let out a chuckle, a dark one. 

  “Boo bear?”

  “What, Isn’t Taehyung?”

  “Turn on the outside lights.“

Ghostface put the speaker on the phone and sat it on the ground as he crouched over Taehyung, pulling him to sit up straight. He watched as Baley apprehensively padded over to the light switch by the door. He could practically feel her heart beating in-sync with Taehyung’s racing one as he placed the knife to his neck, smiling beneath his disguise.

  The lights flickered on, and she screamed, terror finally bringing the seriousness out in the situation. 

  “HANG UP OR MOVE A MUSCLE AND HE DIES!” The killer roared, knowing she was still too high for her survival instincts to kick in. Any sober, sane individual would’ve probably caught on to the fact that they were gonna die no matter what she did. What was just making it easier for himself, knowing her dumbass was gonna comply.

  “W-What do you want me to do?” 

  See?

  “Be a good girl, and come here.” 

  “Quit trying to seduce me, you sick son of a bitch. My boyfriend’s literally right there!” She croaked out, voice shrill with exasperation. 

  The killer plunged the knife into Taehyung’s arm, making him jolt to life with a pain-filled howl. Baley began sobbing out, apologizing profusely. 

  “Your boyfriends going to get gutted like a fish if I have to repeat myself. Drop the phone and come here.” Ghostface seethed, wrenching the knife back out on the last word.

   Baley reluctantly— and stupidly—  did as told. She let the phone fall from her hand, then jumped out of her skin as the Bluetooth reconnected in the house and started playing WAP. She tried not to sing along despite the situation as she padded over, shaky hands rising to cover her mouth.

“N-Now what?” She asked. 

  “I just figured your last words should be said face-to-face. Is there anything you two would like to say to each other?” He asked, that being the only generosity he’d be willing to spare as he ripped the tape away from Tae’s mouth, one last time. 

Baley dropped to her knees, so much despair in her eyes. So many things she wanted to say. She recollected herself and caught her breath in just enough time to utter final goodbye: “I-I-I said certified freak..” 

  Tae’s eyes closed as a single tear escaped, nodding his head in understanding. “Seven days a week...” 

  “GAH!” The killer roared out, wrenching  Taehyung’s head back to slice his throat before shoving him away and lunging  at Baley. 

  She landed on her back with him on top, and he wasted no time as he began slashing her apart, in any way he possibly could. He let all the pent up rage and annoyance he felt towards her, out on her body. It was worse than the brutality he inflicted on to your mother this time last year. He’d only stabbed her a total of 19 times— one for every year she failed you as a mother. With Baley, he didn’t stop tearing into her until WAP ended. And damn, did it feel good. He finally felt like he’d purged his soul clean.

  This may all seem reckless, but Jungkook was actually just lucky. In order to mask his true motive behind all this, he had to find another one to cover it with. It was simply convenient that Baley’s father is the town mayor, and after a little digging, he made the grand discovery that he was also having a secret affair with (Y/N)’s mother. In fact, the mayor had several mistresses throughout the town. 

  Jungk—er, Ghostface.. chopped off one of Baley’s fingers and slid the glass door shut, writing the same words on it that he wrote on your mother’s bathroom mirror.

  CHEATING PIG!!

  Yes. When he did this last year, the police had to dissect through your mother’s long line of past sexual partners, and had to track down the father you never met for an interview. No leads came about, because it was all time wasted, anyways. Now, with this new addition, the mayor will not only have to set the scandals ablaze again by having to publicly confess his infidelity to the town and police, but they’ll have to lead on another pointless investigation for every woman he’s cheated with— over a dozen of them. They’ll have to also charge him with withholding crucial information from the investigation as well, but what’s so fucking comical about it all is that.. NONE of it has anything to do with any of this. It’ll just be another cold case with no leads. 

  And maybe, just MAYBE you’ll be smart enough to ditch this place and come with him. That’s all he wanted. You have nothing left and nothing to come back to now, and as long as you give in to him and leave, there won’t have to be anymore lives taken. You could start a new life and never experience another hell like the one he’s creating here. If only you’d say yes.

  “May you both continue to clap each other’s cheeks in the deepest depths of hell,” he told the mauled corpses as he walked off, so happy to have Baley gone that he almost wanted to skip to his car. 

  Now, he will go home and clap your cheeks to complete the cycle.

  —

“Damnit, bitch, pick up,” you huffed in frustration as Baley’s FaceTime continued to roll over, telling you that she’s unavailable. You thought you could power through today with your newly adapted ability to suppress shit, but it was hard when you’re left alone to reminisce. You just couldn’t shake the fact that the date on today’s calendar marked the same day that your heart, soul, and peace of mind was so horribly torn apart. 

  It didn’t help that you also missed your mother terribly. She wasn’t always the best, but she still loved you, and you loved her. Oh, God. Mom—

No. No. Don’t think about her.

You tried calling Baley one more time and couldn’t fight off the tremble in your hands, nor the tears at your water ducts as it rung through till the end. Damnit. 

  You couldn’t be angry. She doesn’t owe you the company— especially since you two have already been FaceTiming all day. But she was good at distractions, always able to drag you out of your shell of deprecation with her chaotic sense of humor. She is one of the only two people you have in your life that are capable of doing such, but you knew you’d get scolded if you blew up the others phone. Jungkook hates being hounded and rushed, having already told you that he’ll be there any minute. But he’s taking way too fucking long it seems, and you just hate sitting here, waiting.

  You can’t shake the feeling that you’re being watched. The feeling first crept up on you this time last year and never left. You felt so venerable to the cruel world when you’re alone, especially since the maniac is still out there.

  You still resent the police department  for practically giving up on your mother’s case after 9 months. “Cheating pig” was the only lead they got and yet, it pointed them no where. She wasn’t in a relationship. She didn’t even like relationships. And still, they deemed it a randomized attack— no leads, no motives. Nothing. Just a local woman stabbed in the chest 19 times while taking a shower. Like some Psycho remake. No signs of forced entry. No evidence of sexual assault. Just a very passionate, yet unexplainable massacre with a useless message left behind. 

  It doesn’t make sense. And even though you wish to never have the attacker come back, you can feel it in your bones that they will wish to clarify it one day. 

  “Fuck it.” You breathed out, heart slamming against your chest and paranoia gnawing at your insides as you quickly scrolled to Jungkook contact. But then, just as your thumb twitched to press the call button, your door bell rung and you sprung up to your feet, making a mad dash to the door. You checked the peep hole first, just knowing it was gonna be him, but was disappointed when it wasn’t. That still didn’t keep a rush of relief from washing over you when you did see who it really was, though. You forced a welcoming smile on to your face as you unlocked all 7 bolts from the door, and opened it to greet Namjoon and Hobi with a hug. 

  They were cops, currently in their uniforms, also old friends from highschool. They’ve been looking out for you ever since last year, always making sure you knew you were safe beneath their watch. They use to take turns guarding your house until they were told to stop, but you were extremely happy to see them both here at the same time tonight.

  “Everything okay?” Hobi asked, having noticed the shake in your limbs during the brief embrace. He leaned back and observed the tension in your eyes, even though you were hoping to hide it. 

  “Yes, just— today,” was all you could say, and didn’t have to clarify for them to understand. 

  “That’s why we’re here. We got permission to guard your house tonight,” Namjoon explained, eyes drifting over your shoulder and into your house. “Are you alone?”

  “Yes, but Jungkook should be here any minute now. He had to go to South Korea for a week for his fathers birthday and just flew back in tonight, but apparently there’s been some huge wreck on the main highway and everyone has been stuck.”

  That bit of information was actually true. However, Jungkook was lucky enough to have just miss it.. because he’s the one that actually caused it. It was honestly dumb-luck as to how he did it, but kind of amazing when given details.

  He was in the express lane, him and the car behind him hitting 80mph. He recognized the car as the one that was parked beside his back at the airport, because he had stopped and took a moment to judge the driver for how worn down and raggedy the tires were. One bad pot hole or nail in the road would strip that sucker straight from the rim. 

  And that’s exactly what inspired him as he recognized the car, an idea sparking that could soon serve as an alibi in the future. He already had a hand out the window, smoking a cigarette. He still has those iron steak-nails he used at his construction sight. They’re 5 inches in length, subtle enough to casually drop out of a car window along with the cigarette. If they hit just right... 

  He gave it a try, honestly thinking it wasn’t going to work.

  But holy fucking hell, did it.  Not even a second after he dropped it, did the car suddenly swerve out as it’s tires screeched and sparks flew. Rubber scattered out amongst the road as the car continued to spin out, getting struck by a the car in all 6 lanes of traffic, ultimately causing a huge pile up in just under 10 seconds. It was the most destruction he’s ever witnessed and it happened so fucking fast he almost ran himself off the road just watching from the rear view mirror.

  “NO FUCKING WAY!” Jungkook had squawked out as his head rapidly whipped back and forth to witness the massive mess he just created behind him. He was smiling like the maniac he is, undoubtably impressed with himself. He did it so lazily, too. But it only pumped him up even more for what he needed to do- the whole reason he even thought to do that. He only wanted something major enough to buy himself maybe an hour’s worth of time, so that when/if he gets interrogated in the future, they can check the traffic reports for a registered wreck to fit his alibi. But considering that he just shut the whole damn highway down, it’ll not only register but definitely make tonight’s news. 

  “Ah, yeah. We heard about that. 36 cars piled up. Can’t believe nobody was killed.” Namjoon said.

  “How the fuck did that even happen?” You wondered, baffled.

  “Some dickhead was going 80 an hour on an old tire and it wiped out after hitting a nail on the road. Thankfully, he only has a broken nose and whip flash, but with all the cars that got totaled— I don’t even want to know how much the cost of damage would be. But it caused 5 miles worth of traffic back-up.” 

  “Mm..” you grimaced, shaking your head. “Well.. would you guys like some dinner? Maybe some Coffee?”

  “Ah, thanks, but there’s no need. We’ve got all the energy drinks and McDonald’s we need. You just chill out for the night, we’re right out here if you need anything,” Hobi assured, making you genuinely smile for the first time in the past two days. 

 But that was just before a familiar car pulled up that had your mood skyrocketing.

  “FINALLY!” You broke out, sprinting down the steps and over the driver side of it right as the man of the hour stepped out. He welcomed you with open arms and easily lifted your feet up of the ground.

  He looked just as good as he smelt. You’ve missed him more than words could describe in this past week— and Jungkook knew it. Of course, he had offered to take you with him so that you could finally meet his parents. But as predicted, you declined, saying that it’d be too much to meet his mother when the anniversary of your own’s death was approaching. 

  You continued to squeeze your arms around his neck for the next several seconds, and it wasn’t until he heard you sniffling and felt your shoulders shake that he realized you were crying. He couldn’t help but like that type of reaction. He was hoping the distance would torment you, maybe teach your ass a lesson.

  “Don’t cry,” he rumbled in your ear as he pressed you hard against his lower half,  making sure to up the intimacy of the embrace as he felt the eyes of the onlookers in the yard. 

He waited for a second before peering over at the officers, who were awkwardly standing beside their cars. He gave a wave, pretending as if he were sheepish about them having to witness this. 

  “How’s it goin, guys?” 

  “Fine, fine,” Hobi responded. “Don’t mind us. We’re just here to watch out for you guys.”

  “I appreciate that. Really.” He said in his best acting voice, even flashing a dimpled grin that gave off nothing but innocence as the two got into a patrol car, nodding to him in welcome. It actually makes things more convenient for him. They’ll be able to backup his whereabouts later on.

  He pondered this while returning his attention to you, coaxing you out of your emotional outburst.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just been so hard not having you here. Fuck, I’m so glad you’re back.” You breathed in and sighed out, and he could tell by the end of the last sentence that you were more-so talking to yourself, clinging to him one last time just to greedily soak in the physical presence of his body. He felt something ache in his heart, as well as his jeans. 

  “Well, I’m here now. Maybe next time, you’ll just go with me,” he lightly chided, hand coming up to pet your head as he kissed the top of it. 

  “Yeah.. I started regretting it after the first hour you left.” You whispered out, meeting his lips. You kissed each other a couple times, probably more than necessary. But it calmed you down and made you feel steady again. “Come on, I made you something to eat.” 

  He got his duffel bag out from the back seat and slung it over his shoulder before taking your hand,  following you inside. It boosted his ego knowing that the two men watching from the tinted windows of the car were secretly jealous of him. They had a thing for you. Almost every straight guy in highschool did. That’s why he never minded what you wore, and was more than happy to let you flaunt yourself to their eyes. He liked teasing others, knowing they’ll never have such a prize as you.

  Once inside, you were quick to relock your bolts. You were very strict about that now, taking extra precautions to prevent a potential attack. It kind of humored him knowing that it was him, a resident inside this very home itself, that those locks were meant to keep out. You’re literally locking yourself in with the killer.

  “Damn, you cleaned the hell out of this place.” He ogled, not only taking in the immaculacy but smelling the pinesol and bleach amongst the floors and counter tops. All the laundry was folded, not a speck of dust in sight. You even cleaned the grout amongst the kitchen flooring, it seemed. Nothing looked out of place. 

   “I had to do something to keep from wigging out,” you shrugged, walking over to start the microwave for him to heat up his dinner plate. He left his duffel bag by the door and grabbed himself a beer before sitting at the table, noticing it’s prestigious shine. 

  “Did you polish it?”

  “Yeah...” you said as you scratched the back of your neck, somehow embarrassed. 

  “It’s looks amazing in here, kitten. Really. I know you did it to cope but still, you did a damn good job.” He praised, feeling a little bad. He knows this took a lot of work, and it sucks that you opted to do all this just to keep the anxiety of his absence away.

  “Thank you,” you sighed, taking his plate out and sitting in down in front him, then handing him some utensils. 

“Where’s your plate?”

  “I already ate, silly. I’ll munch with you, though.” You began making yourself a salad as he began to eat, complimenting you on how good it was. He doesn’t know that you’ve been awake for two days straight, and that you’re still battling off an anxiety attack. You were expecting it to vanish now that he’s here, but the sleep deprivation was getting to you. 

  So, you decided to reminisce on better memories. The old days; back when you first met him.

  It was senior year of highschool, and he was the new transfer student from South Korea. He was the punk-emo guy that stood out amongst the crowd. All black clothing, more band shirts than anything. He had that messy mop-hair going on, and approximately 6 piercings on each ear, along with a studded labret to boot. 

  From day one, he was the most attractive guy you’ve ever laid eyes on.  Much to his exterior trope, he was anti-social and didn’t seem friendly at all. The only time you personally heard him speak for the first few months of school was when he’d answer the teacher for roll call. 

You only had one class together, chemistry. He’d always sit at the back of the classroom, and you’d remember the giddiness you’d feel just before walking into class and making eye contact with him, even for just a split second. You heart always skipped a beat and would threaten to seize up whenever Baley would lean over and tell you that he was looking at you again. Of course, that would be all the interaction you could get, being as you refused to engage any further. But life seemed to play out like a Wattpad fic back then. 

  Around the middle of first semester, your teacher was fed up with all the chatter amongst friends, so she decided to assign seats. Jungkook’s was still at his designated one, but you had to sit directly in front of him so that Taehyung could sit closer up, next to Baley. It’s also thanks to that class that the two of them fell for each other. It was also the same day she issued a partner-assignment that had to be done with the peer behind you. 

 You remembered having to play it cool, turning your desk and chair around to face him head-on for the first time ever. You anticipated that he’d still be sporting that ice-cold, disinterested glare, but he actually seemed pleased. He wasn’t actually smiling but he had a friendly glint in his eyes, like he welcomed you.

  “Hello,” he started off, naturally confident in himself.

  “Howdy,” you responded, immediately hating yourself. You’ve never uttered such a word in your life and you don’t know why the fuck you decided that that was the perfect moment to try it out. 

  He only snorted back at you, though, amusement swirling in his colorless eyes. You were intimidated by that as well. They were jett black. No distinction between his pupils and his irises. Just solid, black orbs boring into you.

  You then continued to battle with basic communication.  

“So, uhm.. wh—..” 

English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?!

“What parts do you wanna do?” You rushed out.

  “I’ll get the information together and answer the questions, as long as you create the PowerPoint and present it to the class,” he said without missing a beat, as if he’d already decided on that for the both of you. 

  “What criteria, though?” You asked, still waiting on that part. 

  “All of it...” He reiterated in a “duh” tone. 

  “That’s not fair to you, though...” you continued. 

  He arched an impressively sharp brow. “How?” 

  “You’re literally doing all the hard work.”

He shrugged, and you tried not to drool when you saw all his rings and the veins on his hands and fingers as he took his phone out. “I learned this shit back when I was freshman in South Korea. We’re way ahead of y’all there.” 

  “Oh.. well.. I can at least do the images and label them.” 

  Stop starring at his fingers.

  “Mm,” he hummed with a lack of conviction, still looking at his phone. “No offense, but no.”

  “Uhm.. okay..” you frowned in dejection, not sure how to respond to that. 

  “I said no offense,” he grinned up at you apologetically. “I just know you’re bad with visualizations.” 

  “What? I have an A in here. How do you even know that?”

  “The teacher got onto you for messing up the labels on the last test. You got all the functions right but failed to match them to their description.” He said without any hesitation, and you were just as stunned as you were embarrassed. But he didn’t seem to be insulting you, and even reassured you of it. “Again, no offense. I just think it’s best for the both of us if I do it.” 

  “Okay. Cool,” You agreed, deciding to let him have it. Your face still burned, though. 

  “You still have an important role, don’t worry. Presentation is worth 40%, so you’re still gonna have to put in work and present it accordingly.” 

  “I can do that.” You nodded, suddenly feeling like you were sitting before a full grown man rather than a teenage boy. You couldn’t help but ask: “How old are you?” 

  “19,” he mused, as if he knew what you were thinking. He didn’t even ask you why you asked, and instead returned his attention back to his phone screen. “You?”

  “18,” you muttered, your eyes reconnecting to his hands like magnets.

    You really wanted to compliment them but decided against it, being as you were no longer as confident with this situation. Sure, he deserves to know how beautiful his hands are but you’re weren’t going to be the one to say it. You were expecting a cheeky personality at most, just because it fits the mischievous bad boy bullshit you read about in teen fiction, but you were instead met with a blunt and mature persona that made you intimidated in a way that you’ve never experienced before. He almost seemed.. authoritative to you. 

  “I see you like my rings.” He smirked, eyes not even looking back up at you. You had spaced out whilst tracing the path of his veins again, and immediately cut your eyes down to your own phone, feigning innocence.

  “Whatchu mean?”

  “Everyone like my hands, for some reason. I see you’re no different.” 

  “I ain’t even looking at your hands. Maybe you’re just too conceded,” you shot back, leg nervously pouncing as he lifted his head up to peer at you. 

  “Really?” He sarcastically challenged, making your insides stir. He sat up straight and pulled his hands back under his desk. “So the gold rings didn’t even catch your eye?” 

  “Your rings are silver.” You said without even thinking, then straight up face-palmed when you caught yourself.

  “Thought so.” He openly grinned, and the little notion caused butterflies to erupt in your tummy. He pulled his phone back out and still wore that playful grin of his as you bashfully held his gaze. “Now, if you think you can manage to tell the truth, what’s your phone number?” 

    It’s amazing looking back at those memories, because you’re now starting to think that maybe Jungkook just knew back then that you two were going to hit it off. He’s always seemed so sure of himself when it came to you, always knew what the next move was gonna be and never once sent mixed signals or struggled to express how he felt towards you. He’s the most straightforward person you know, so much that it’s almost unnatural at times. If he was ever bluffing about anything outside of being playful, you’ve never been able to call it. 

  But damn, are you madly in love with him. You guess his ability to always remain focused and blunt is perfect for a person like you. He keeps you moving... well, for the most part. He wants you to move back to South Korea with him, and although you know you’ll eventually give in, you’ve been trying to hold off on it for as long as you can. 

 It won’t be as easy for you as it was for him. Jungkook was already fluent in English when he came here, thanks to his mother’s bilingualism. He hardly even had an accent from how well adjusted he was to your language. You, however, don’t know a bit of Korean. For you to go there, it would impair you in almost every single way. You won’t be able to go anywhere without him. You won’t be able to read directions or road signs. You won’t be able to go out and eat or order off the menu if there isn’t any pictures. You won’t be able to work. You’ll have to adapt to a whole new culture and way of communication, just to properly function outside of your home without him at your side. 

  Which, brings along another point, you’ll be without any friends. You don’t want to live in a world where you can’t go out with Taehyung and Baley whenever you wanted. You’ll be lonely as hell and home sick, he’ll be your only source of humanly contact until you learn.

  You’ve told yourself that if the two of you remain stable for one more year, then you’ll go. You are ready for a change, but if you could just get one more year of preparation, you’ll be ready to go. You’ll take that leap of faith with him. 

  “What is it, kitten?” He finally asked, the prolonged silence getting to him.

  “Nothing,” you lied, but didn’t want to divulge. “How was your trip?” 

  “Nice, but I was bummed out the whole time.” He shot you a look that made you pout in apology, but continued. “I talked all about you to them, showed them pictures. Almost fucked up and showed my cousin your vagina.” 

  You choked on your salad, which made him laugh. “I told you to put those in your hidden folder.”

  “There’s so many, I just haven’t taken the time to pick them all out. It’s okay though, they only saw your face. They all think very beautiful— especially my mom.”

  Your smile grew at that, “Yeah?” 

  “Yeah. So does my grandmother and my aunts. They were passing my phone around more than the dishes.” He snorted to himself, “They were even more surprised to see how much I smiled in our selfies. Which... I should warn you, when you do finally see my parents house, don’t be surprised when you spot our photo booth pictures framed in the hall. My mom went feral when she saw how much of a simp I was being in those.” 

  “She printed those out?!” You almost cried.

  “Yes, she did. She printed each one individually and framed them side-by-side.” 

  “Aw, Kookie. I should’ve just went. I’m so sorry.” You pouted, guilt causing your heart to sink.

“You weren’t ready, angel. They understood,” He assured you, leaning forward to take your hand in his. You suddenly wanted to cry again. 

  “But I promise to go next time. Or whenever you wanna take me. I swear, I’ll go.” You said in determination, and was a little thrown off by his reaction.

  His face went blank for a moment c like his brain needed a second to buffer. 

  “You will?” He inquired, that being the first time you’ve actually agreed or expressed any type of want. “Why now?”

  “Because it sounds like they really want to meet me, too? What’s wrong?” 

  “Nothing. That’s great. I just figured you wouldn’t be moved by that. You really wanna go now?”

  “Yeah. Your family sounds so nice.” 

  “Was that what kept you from coming?” He interrogated, and it’s clear that he genuinely had no faith in you ever entertaining the idea.. which was a little disheartening. You’ve never said you’d never want to go, you’ve always kept a window open for later. You not sure why he’s so surprised. 

  “No, not necessarily. I wasn’t ready to meet them but if they’re that excited to meet me, then.. of course it’ll make me want to meet them, too. And get a little taste of South Korea.” 

  “Alright, I’ll plan a trip,” he had to say with forced enthusiasm, which you bought as you kissed his lips. Inwardly, though, he was screaming. If all it fucking took was a little conviction by saying his family was nice, just to make you consider.. them maybe he wouldn’t have had to do what he just did. 

  Whatever. Extra insurance. He had to tell himself, and decided to retrain his thoughts back on you as he remembered something.

  “I have a special surprise for you.” 

  “Yeah?” 

  “Mhm,” he stood up and walked over to his duffel, fishing around before pulling something out. “Close your eyes.”

 You did as told, and waited about 10 seconds. 

“Open.”

You almost shit yourself upon hearing the voice, then came closer to shitting yourself when you took in the familiar Ghostface mask that you seen in the movie Scream.

  “WHUZZZUUHHH!” He drawled out while doing the cowabunga fingers, and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

  “Where the hell did you get that?”

  “Halloween store. I got it in Korea.”

   That was a lie. He’s had two of these masks for over two years, both of which he got from Party City here in America. He bought one to kill your mother in— the same one he just wore to kill your friends in— and the other one was meant for what he wanted to do now. He wanted to fuck you with it on. He’s not sure why, but why not? You might  discover you have a mask kink. 

  “What the fuck is up with the voice?” 

  “Sexy, ain’t it?” He animatronically purred out, and it wasn’t until he fully stepped forward and began undoing his belt that you realized he was already shirtless. 

  Your eyes grew wide as you landed back in your chair, unable to decipher if this was a joke or not. You soon realized it wasn’t as he was now popping his button loose and unzipping his pants— his hardening dick print becoming more prominent. 

  “You’re not fucking me with that mask on,” you blurted out, sticking your foot out to stop him from advancing any closer.

  “I’m fucking you with this mask on,” he argued, grabbing your ankle. “Consider it pay back for the time you refused to give me head unless I let you wear your Burger King crown.” 

  “No, Darth Vader.” You tried pulling your leg back but soon wound up almost getting drug out of your chair and onto the floor. Your unease soon turned into giggles and screams as wound up besting your play fight, his mask only coming off long enough to go down on you at the kitchen table. 

  And that’s what set the night off. You went from getting your pussy eaten at the dinner table to getting your throat wrecked on the living room couch. Then you were forced to watch yourself get rammed up against your body mirror in the bedroom, and now you’re bent up like a pretzel amongst your bed.

  “Ah— GAH!” You grunted in struggle, finding it hard to cuss like you wanted being as a hand was firmly constricting your air supply. You watched the masked man above you as he heatedly fucked into you, his chain dangling above your face. Your ankles helplessly swayed around his shoulders with each brutal slap of his pelvis. Your face still stung from the actual slaps of his palms, causing you to flinch any time his hands moved. You noticed done time throughout all this that he was hellbent on making you look at that damn mask. You weren’t complaining, though. Just more-so concerned about how hot it must be under there. 

  But then he slowed down for a moment, trying not to cum again as he lowered his face to yours, and finally decided it was time it come off, being as you were ready for a kiss.

  “T-Take that damn mask off—“ 

  Wrong move.

  He growled and ripped your hand away as you tried removing it yourself, and you were stunned by how much aggressive he became— more aggressive than he was already being, as if truly lashing out. He man-handled you, flipping you over and plunging back into you with way too much force. You yelped at the intrusion but could do nothing else as he pinned your hands behind your back, picking his speed right back up. He kept your hands locked in place with a single one of his own before clapping the other around your mouth, darkly chuckling at the fright on your face. 

  “I meant it when I said it’s staying on,” he rasped, pushing into you so deep that veins protruded from your neck in strain. 

  He couldn’t explain it— or maybe he could. But he felt extremely powerful when he wore this mask. It took him all of two rounds to finally admit to himself that it turned him on, knowing you were getting off to the very same face that your loved ones last looked at in sheer terror. He didn’t realize up until then that he somehow considered Ghostface as a different alternative to himself, one he was growing to like a little too much. It even made his dick more sensitive to the feel of you, making you seem tighter. And warmer. And sluttier.

  He’s sure he began speaking Latin somewhere in the midst, but it wasn’t until he saw tears surfacing in your eyes that it dawned on him that his hand had somehow traveled up to cover your nose, as well as your mouth. A moment of panic shot through him when he dropped it and allowed you to breathe, thinking you were gonna make him stop. But much to his pleasant surprise, you only coughed out and mewled, head collapsing on the pillow as you pushed against him, a silent demand keep going. So he did. He made sure to keep the punishing pace up and running. Your body violently jolted with each slam, ass bone aching at the brutal impact. Each thrust was felt like a punch to your cervix and someway or another, you were okay with it. 

 Little did he know, it was actually because you didn’t want any type of deja vu happening. He fucked you in all the ways you liked the night before you found out that your mother was slaughtered inside your childhood home. You didn’t want tonight to be anything like it. So you let him hurt you. 

  If only you knew history was going to repeat itself, no matter what the two of you did.

  It didn’t take but a few more strokes before he lost his ability to hold off, and emptied himself inside for the third time since he’s arrived back. 

  Once he did that, the blinds were illuminated in a dim grey, hinting at a sunrise. After a quick shower and clean up, the two of laid there, the mask finally gone. 

  “What are you thinking, baby?” Jungkook wondered, starring up at the ceiling. You haven’t said much of anything since that last bit. “Did I hurt you? Scare you?” 

  “No. I could take it.” You said, and it sounded genuine. But he still wanted to know what was on your mind. “I just don’t know what the hell I would do if I didn’t have you. You’re the only person I know that’s never even accidentally done wrong by me. You’ve been nothing but good.” 

  A void clouded his mind, emotional absence taking place of everything else. It’s a defense mechanism that he’s certain only comes up to block out any sense of guilt or remorse. He kept his gaze up at the ceiling, even as he felt you crane your neck back to look up at him. 

  “I love you, Kookie. Thank you for being here.” 

  “I love you too, baby,” he said numbly, those words being true... but his next words were not. “I could never imagine myself doing anything to hurt you.” 

  Being as he wasn’t planning on looking down, you crawled up for a moment just to kiss him, unbothered by the distant stare in his gaze. You then laid back down and got comfortable, readying yourself for a good days sleep.

  “I think it’s finally time I start seeking happiness again, instead of contentment.” 

  That’s when it hit him. You didn’t notice how his heart cleaned beneath your head, nor was there any way you could feel the tension in his gut. He can’t say he feels full remorseful for what he did, because that would require him sympathizing for the innocent lives he’s taken away, with no rational reason. He simply didn’t feel anything for them. He was only concerned your pain, especially knowing it was unnecessary now. His trip to Korea was enough to motivate you to move on and consider a change of scenery. You didn’t need any fear to drive you out, you just needed time. God only knows how far of a set back this will be now. The fact that you’re laying here, currently thinking that life will only go up from here, when he knows damn good and well it’ll be in shambles again before the day ends.. 

  He really needs to work on his impulses. Maybe homocide shouldn’t always be the first option he leans towards. It was just more fun that way.

  But moments like this weren’t fun at all. He remembers how grueling it was last year, waking up with you at the sound of the doorbell going off. He remembers the grim look on the sheriffs face as he told them that they found your mother, dead. It was his arms that had to pick you up off the floor as you crumbled down and screamed, his ears that rung as he held you, not knowing how to console you. For the last year, it’s been his shoulder you’ve cried on, his company keeping you sane, his reassurance telling you that everything was going to be okay.... When it was his hands that caused every single bit of grieve all along.. and was about to cause even more.

  So, he did the only thing he could do in that moment. He held you and mentally apologized, hoping that there was some way to telepathically tell you that you mean more to him than life itself, and that’s he’s so sorry for letting it drive him crazy at times. He’s still clinging to the original intention that you’ll say fuck it and flee with him, but he regrets going about it so recklessly. 

  You were fast asleep now, snoring even. He only hoped the discovery of the bodies would hold off long enough for you to get some much needed sleep. But it seems the universe was done working in his favor. 

  Those same, familiar knocks sounded off at the door, and he immediately ordered you to stay put as it woke you up.

  “Probably just them checking up. Go back to sleep.” He whispered, assertively pushing your head back down and pulling on some sweats before going to the door. 

  It was the sheriff, same look on his face as last year.

  “Sir?” Jungkook frowned, posing cluelessly. 

  The sheriff looked ghostly pale, like he was nauseated and on the verge of tears. Jungkook knew why but he had to act like it was a throw off. 

  “Sir..?” He repeated.

  “Y’all’s friends.. Baley and Taehyung were found this morning.” 

  He had to stall and blink, as if he wasn’t catching on to the implications. The sheriff reluctantly continued.

“Baley was found, dead on arrival. Looks like the killer has returned.” 

  “Wh-What?” Jungkook stuttered, acting like he was bewildered. The sheriff’s next words, however, would spark a more genuine reaction.

“And Taehyung was found unconscious, but still alive.”

  Jungkook’s veins ran colder than ever before, all mimicked emotions becoming sincere in that moment.

  “Someone attempted to cut his throat, but aimed too high and cut his under jaw instead.” 

Jungkook could only stare at the sheriff, probably just as pale in the face now. 

“He’s in critical condition. Doctors don’t know if he’ll make it just yet, but there’s a fighting chance that he might.”

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captains Log 31_ You Down W BPP!?

So tonight was Meroe, Uglee radio X KTA Black Panther Founders Day event. It was fkin litty! The kind of shit I LIVE for and makes me wanna get on SL more! Things like that just remind you that there are many kindred souls here on the grid and we all have a collective purpose in our individual journeys whether we realize it or not. A shared intention to continue carrying the torch of those that came before us and that made differences in their communities. Just little things like this can just spark memories in our DNA.

EPIGENETICS.

Its a science to this and the metaverse is a big part of this whole story we writing. Right now (whether we realize it or not) we are being apart of history, something our forefathers couldn’t have imagined. To be able to connect with each other anywhere and anytime in the world and share knowledge FREE.

When we do evens like this on the grid we make em proud.

So everybody understood the assignment, one thing SL folk will do is DRESS UP AND SHOW OUT OKAY! & I was so invested in getting good pics the whole night I was just like yelling at black dragon to stay loaded. Thats one thing I need to figure out what the best settings are to load all people at once and the background pictures and textures FAST! Is that asking too much?? *tear*

The Meroe team is really top tier I am super grateful for Gigi and Ras, never thought we’d be all the way to this moment when we first came to Meroe. It was a dream enough just to know it existed but to actually be able to volunteer my time to the cause, makes me feel like I am putting my best effort any way I can. I feel like this volunteer work is training me for taking initiative in my RL, in having more confidence with the work to connect the diaspora. Its like a foundation to stand on when I propose collabs to people I’ll have sum to back me up! Aye my favorite female rapper princess nokia liked one of my posts on our IG so I feel I can do anything now lmao. One day Meroe will be visited by people who never even had an SL account before. Inshallah!

Bae also did his second official SL grid performance but first one with Meroe! He’s such a dope MC! African Soil is one of my favorite songs I listen to legit every week and not just because he my man either! He inspires me so much to take risks and try new things. I love how he barely joined SL but he puts himself out there even though things are still new to him. He kills it everytime too and always impresses me in the end. I basically forced him to make me his Manager. Im his baeager now, (ima make baeager happen idc! ) XD I feel like we came up with another title for that but im blanking rn. Oh well!

These two looked soooo good, their energy also reminded me of myself and bae. It just made me feel so cozy to see like vibrations around. I think one thing I want to branch away from is the awkwardness that comes with meeting new people on the grid or reaching out to them. So many times I want to just IM folks that I find interesting and I get this feeling like “I dont want to bother them” or “what if they dont wanna talk right now” a lot of times, I think i mentioned before people don’t respond to me or have a weird vibe like instantly don’t fw me.

Sometimes I feel more sensitive than others. Like if in my RL I am getting that energy too much at work I can’t handle getting that same thing in SL too. I think thats why I didnt hit this beautiful kindred soul sis up. But I hope that I’ll run into her again at another event! The best connections form naturally. I want to invest  a little bit of time into making a “spot” again. Like when I first joined SL and the commune, it was a place people would always just set as their home and sit around and talk to each other at. Naturally people would go there just to hang and I miss that. I am still gunning for that! God will show us the way haha!

Gigi, Ras and their daughter are just so classy and dope. I loved seeing them all together having fun and just admire everything they have built here at Meroe. I respect them so much ! The vibes are immaculate and just getting better every time we pull off another event!

Another beautiful soul sis that I did not message but wanted to XD lmaooo I know someone out there gets me with the whole PTSD of relationships on SL!! It be so rocky but when you come together it is priceless! I think about some of my personal friendships on SL and I have a few that have lasted as many years as I’ve been on, some people completely disappeared and some left notes first. I myself was one of the ghosters, I feel like maybe I gotta get karma back for the friendships i’ve personally fucked up before God gives me more new ones to try. EEK! PROMISE ILL DO BETTER THIS TIME!

[cassyapper]

Suntan OMORI,

ship rating: 5/5 REAL THEYRE IN LOVE!!!!!

nothing matters to me the way suntan does. it's such a healthy and sweet relationship like fuck im gonna go CRAZY

kel never gave up on sunny EVER FOR THOSE THREE ENTIRE YEARS and when sunny finally manages to leave his house again (peep how kel knocking every time he was free was a reason as to why he found the strength to leave btw), kel is right there taking him places, talking with him and engaging with him (but not pressuring him to respond verbally!), being supportive, being kind and funny, just generally letting sunny knows he cares about him and he knows he's changed but that doesn't mean he'll stop caring about him bc of those changes

meanwhile sunny is like the only person we canonically can confirm kel feels comfortable talking about his less-than-happy feelings with. biggest example is the graveyard scene in which kel talks about when hero screamed at him. sunny basically reminds kel it's not ike a SIN to have negative feelings and he doesnt need to be happy all the time and he deserves support too. and SUNNY PROVIDES THAT SUPPORT!!! sunny always listens to kel and fuck dude that's all kel wants. sunny is just so good and he's patient with kel and even though kel is very high energy in contrast to sunny's low, sunny never asks him to tone it down he just always accepts kel as his full self and it makes me weep. sunny doesn't call him annoying or loud or Too Much kel is just right for sunny andndnjdjndkjdjdkn AND...NNAD Isnkskj;d;jkndkj;kjK;JSNNK;

please in addition to this theyre also so silly funny they are the fucking guys EVER i love them theyre crazy. couples that dumpster dive together stay together <3

fuck theyre just so supportive of each other in their own ways and it drives me fucking mad. i adore them i adore them i adore them. truly cat boy and dog boy solidarity. im gonna cry literally i lvoe rhem i lvoe them they both have therapy on fridays and they go to get dinner after their individual sessions each time. sunny usually pays but when kel remembers his money he rlly treats sunny. anyway

fandom rating: 5/5! so far at least. i dont trust yall to stay this way

no but i admittedly am not super deep in the omori fandom so i havent seen all the crooks and crannies BUT i can say the majority of suntan shippers seem to be absolute geniuses and i am so happy. this may be bc suntan shippers have to understand kel to get the ship which means they're p literate and can Read and thus are accurate to the characters for the most part. god bless. i am so glad we all can agree sunny and kel. thank you all so very much for the sweetness and the comedy and the dash of angst. the only reason i healed from aftermath of playing omori fr /j

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[cookiesandkatanas]

I've always had Big Thoughts about Smith and how being/presenting male was a huge detriment to the whole "picking up vulnerable people and drowning them" thing. People are gonna be suspicious of a 6 foot guy trying to get you in his car.

So here are some of my headcanons that answer this issue

a kelpie's true form is a horse adjacent creature. you know, the creepy waterlogged #fae horses.

young kelpies first learn glamours for the anatomically similar horse, but the ability to shape reality in relation to themselves is powerful, as it is in most water fae. Theyll soon be able to shift their entire physical form, not just the perception of it. Of course, the next most natural form is a horse. And to interact with humans beyond hunting, well, you gotta look like a human.

Any glamour or form a kelpie takes is basically a costume, the individual is *choosing* how to look

SHAPESHIFTERS ARE ALWAYS NONBINARY

(personal aside, I've been off T for a while and god I feel like a completely different PERSON so) different bodies literally affect Smith's personality, to an extent.

femme!Alex loves the mind games. She prefers to toy with people, both for her own amusement, and if they're prey, well, their emotional high of fear is one more tasty thing she gets to munch on when she finally drowns them. Her favorite food is emotional energy.

femme!Alex pros: seeks out people already leading chaotic lives, and her clean drownings mean she can usually make a pretty penny selling a body nobody will even be looking for for a few days.

Trott is convinced since shes always feeding off all that riled up emotional energy, shes more riled up and emotional. He swears shes more impulsive, more sexual.

masc!Smith lives for the pleasures of the flesh. food and fucking, and for him, they're one and the same. he wouldnt be able to tell you which he liked more, feeding on the sexual energy before the drowning, or the flesh and blood he ate afterwards

masc!Smith pros: usually content with smashing stuff/someone up, no patience or interest in making up and playing out drawn out political games for fun. Intimidating presence. More in tune with the water (the local water fae hate when they're Alex, she always says she'll visit but she NEVER does >:c

Trott doesnt like how Smith always runs hot, temper or sex drive or energy.

History:

True name: Alsmiffy. Got to the city in early 1900s, before cars are common. They had to get a job to pay for a place to live, and only men could do that, so human male form it was. Kelpies dont really have a concept of gender, so Alsmiffy doesnt mind their pronouns matching their current form. In the evenings it was still easy to hunt down by the river as a horse.

By the 40s horses had nearly disappeared from the city, and no one was approaching wild ones anymore. Smith started working as a taxi chauffeur, driving people about, drowning a few every so often.

In the 60s they started moving towards the hunting style of present day, using the lure of sex to draw in prey. This is when they started presenting as female more regularly.

Of course, Trott gets fed up with all the shit Alsmiffy pulls. But always wrongly blames it on their form. If Alex is impulsive and sexual, and Smith is hot headed and hot blooded, maybe the issue isnt the body, it's the person, lmao.

As Alsmiffy becomes more comfortable male and female presenting, they spend longer amounts of time in one body or the other. Trott finds some reason or other to ask them to change ("hey can you seduce ___?" or "hey can you be extra muscle at ___?") and they're usually too indifferent to shift back.

As this goes on, Alsmiffy is cultivating two different social circles worth of court favor, but only one at a time, and usually only one for weeks at a time. The sharper and more well connected people put together that the siblings manage some other affairs out of the city, and whatever it is cant be left alone for very long, because one or the other is always out there. Rumors fly wildly about what it may be.

The Troffy Feels

In present day, Alsmiffy has started to realize Trott resents both of their regular human bodies. Instead of addressing the issue of Alsmiffy leaving chaos behind them, Trott postpones the issue again and again by derailing Alsmiffy's focus whenever their collateral damage gets too much. Trott's resentment only grows because the issue keeps coming up, and Alsmiffy just gets increasingly aggressive requests to "go get your 'brother/sister'"

Of course, because its Alsmiffy, this is the gravest of insults and must be responded to as a challenge. (You dont like me now? Oh you'll see how bad I can be.) As time wears on, they start to take it more and more personally, and it becomes the spectre hanging over their relationship.

Ross, who joined them in 60s-80s (not sure exactly when yet) never saw their relationship any other way, and has no other reference for relationships, tries his best to talk them down individually. It doesnt always work, and he usually clears out when they're all together, to give them some time and space to talk things out. (Trott and Alsmiffy both resent the other for always escalating arguments to the point where Ross wont even be in the same room as them)

Despite it all, Trott and Alex have never touched each others' keys/skin. All three of them tell themselves that means they're okay, they wouldnt cross that line so they still respect each other, still love each other. On the worst days that feels like the only assurance they have.

__________________________________________________________________________________

All these headcanons are being refined thanks to my ongoing Urban Shadows game, a ttrpg made by Magpie Games, run on Powered by the Apocalypse.

It is such a great game, even if you're not adapting it to run umy, lmao. The team is working on 2nd edition out later this year, but a quick start version is out now and I'm p sure it's free on drivethruRPG