#i dont exactly want to always hear full blown things to say on my work
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helping my friends with art is a tricky thing bc when i am always tempted to push really hard and not skimp out on critique (out of genuine care for my frandz), but i resist bc unless its asked for i rlly shouldnt assume thats what ppl want. so i gotta act in casual mode not my super dedicated to art mode
#i thrive in the art classroom bc like. art critique is just bound to be like that and i dont have to worry abt accidentally being too rough#and ppl will hopefully understand i say what i do out of place of caring#and if just being uncritical & unconditionally supportive of the work does not merit excellence & improvement#but when im just with friends drawing stuff? they gotta be the one asking for my full blown thoughts#bc otherwise its prob uncalled for#even if they know i dont mean anything bad its like. sometimes thats not what ppl need to hear atm#i dont exactly want to always hear full blown things to say on my work#im often already the first one to say those things abt my work anyway bc im deeply self aware & constantly reflective of my art#as part of my constant dedicated process to continuously grow as an artist#so i dont rlly want to hear it unless its sought out for myself too#i gotta give that same courtesy to others#sorry this was just very pretentious blabbering#ive been told i should think abt getting into art writing as a career bc of this stuff so maybe its not that bad tho#rando thoughtz
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pairings: Leon Kennedy x black!fem reader
more workplace to lovers someone save me!!!! also part two to this
There was a soft knock on the door. giving a come in he was graced with the head full of curls peeking in from the door
“i'm just here to bring your paperwork kennedy” you said
your crush on him was getting stronger you couldn't stay in his presence for too long. You sat the file on the desk and began to explain the content of his upcoming mission.
It sucked being away from you especially because there was a chance he wouldn't come back
looking in your eyes he half listened as he took in your appearance. the pretty black and white dress that hugged you so well and your blown out flexi rod set that was bouncing with every small movement you made.
he was mesmerized by you
what he would give to just kiss you once so sweetly. one that you’ll never forget.
but not only that, what would he give to have you bent over on his desk hearing your sweet moans and whimper-
“Kennedy, you’re not even listening right now so im gonna leave and you can read it yourself” you said cutting him off his downbad daydream
“I am listening here take a seat so I can listen to you more” he joked
he didn't care not one bit about that file he just wanted to listen to you talk
rolling your eyes you sat down from across his desk and began going through the content again
leaning back in his chair slightly he gave you a small smile as you finished. gosh were you adorable
you were slightly nervous and he could tell by the way your fingers fumbled with the papers and you not making direct eyecontact with him
“I didnt hear the last thing you said. Could you say it again?” he would tease
pouting shy eyes met his and you continued to ramble. taking a breath once you finished he leaned forward giving a small smile
“thank you for the report sweetheart”
seeing your face flush you responded with a “its no problem kennedy if you have any questions you know where my desk is”
“you know I never had the chance to thank you for the dinner”
face warming even more your brain tried to think of an excuse. you were too nervous to even look him in his eyes how could you survive a date with this man
“well its just been so busy around here so I kinda forgo-“
“do the weekends work? im more than happy to take you out when you have more time” he said cutting you off
simply nodding your eyes adverted around his office again to hide your shyness
“well im gonna head back-“
“let me walk with you”
“kennedy, my desk is like 5 steps away” you said confusedly
not paying attention he got up from his chair to follow you out his office. releasing a low sigh you unexpectedly felt yourself being pinned against the door
turning around to face Leon you asked him what in the actual hell what he was doing
were you nervous? hell yeah. were you slightly turned on right now? absolutely
“you dont have to be nervous around me sweetheart” he would say
there goes that damn pet name again. that always had you smiling and giggling like a young school girl
“im not nervous kennedy” you huff giving that cute pout he likes
fingers reaching your chin he gently lifted your face up to meet his blue eyes
“this isn't exactly appropriate Kennedy ” you meekly whispered
he didn't give a shit about work morale...he wanted you.
God you wanted this so bad. but the thought of a workplace relationship made you nervous.
His scent filled your nose causing your thought to get clouded losing all judgment
“you’re so beautiful you know that right?” he complimented big hand moving towards your cheek to caress it
clearing your throat you gave a thank you shyly. Suddenly gaining a boost of confidence you looked him in his eyes
“are you gonna kiss me or what kennedy” you said at your wits end
one kiss couldn't hurt right?
#leon kennedy#leon kennedy x black reader#leon kennedy x reader#resident evil 4 x reader#resident evil x reader#resident evil fanfiction#leon kennedy x y/n#leon kennedy drabble#sugars stories
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Howdy, two things for this ask. Number one, adore your art. Kinda feels like a proper HD remaster of the Sprunki sprites with the strong edge shading, all around shape of the bodies, the arms are well input, and you translated the expressions damn near perfectly. Dead Tunner's face looks like he's actually dead or heavily disoriented, and not like he's mildly confused. Keep it up, and if I could, I'd commission you.
Second is some epic facts about my version of Tunner.
He's a full blown cowboy, and the strongest of the group. Because he has many guns, and he can shoot them with damn near perfect accuracy.
He's the reason why Mr. Sun (A major antagonist) is dead. Sun killed the cattle at his ranch, Tunner stayed up to see who did, Mr. Sun came again, tried killing Tunner, Tunner showed Mr. Sun his 2nd amendment rights, and now Mr. Sun is dead.
1: OH MY GOD THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I LOOKED AT MY PHONE WHEN I GOT THIS ASK OGMGMGMYMYMY,!?!!!2? THSIS IS ONE OF THE BEST COMPLIMENTS I COULD EVER GET THIS IS GENUINELY SO SO SO SWEET OF YOU TO SAY IM GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET OVER THIS ASK I ADORE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED IT OMG?? YPU REALLY MADE YOUR COMPLIMENT SEEM REALLY GENUINE ANS I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR IT AAGGHRHHH IM IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS WITH HAPPINESS IM SO OVERJOYED BECAUSE OF THIS !! HEHEHEH THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME DRAWING TUNNER IM GLAD TO KNOW THAT I REPRESENTED THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS WELL!!! AND I CANT BELIEVE U SEE THE ART AS OFFICIAL RENDERS TOO! THE FACT U SAID YOU WOULD PAY FOR ART BY ME MAKES ME SMILE SOSOSOSOS MUCHHH <:-) !! I REALLY DONT THINK I HAVE ENOUGH TALENT TO DO COMMISSIONS HONESTLY I JUST MAKE STUFF FOR FREE!! I DO HAVE A PAYPAL BUT I NEVER USE IT BECAUSE I WANNA BE ABLE TO DRAW FOR EVERYONE MONEY OR NOT!! THANK YOU AGAIN YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MOTIVATES ME!!! THIS IS ON MY MIND 24/7 NOW, YALL ARE GENUINELY THE SWEETEST LITTLE CREATURES </3 IM SMILING SO MUCH OVER THIS IM THINKING ABOUT THIS 24/7 NOW AAHDRHEJFHRHWHHRHERH 1!1!1!1!1!1 YOUR GUYS COMPLIMENTS STAY INDENTED IN MY BRAIN ANS LIVE RENT FREE IN MY MIND YOU ALL MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYU
2: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD TUNNER RANTING!??1!1!2 IM SO DOWN IM HIS BIGGEST FAN EVEBRBRG HEHEEHHEHEHE DUDE UR VERSION OF TUNNER IS GENUINELY SO COOL??? I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH ALOT OF YOUR HCS I FW THEM SO HARD! HE DEF IS A COWBOY NO DOUBT, AND I CAN ALSO SEE HIM BEING THE STRONGEST OF THEM ALL!! HE PROLLY IS SUPER GOOD WITH GUNS HIS AIM WOULD TOTALLY BE CRAZY GOOD! I ALWAYS SAW HIM OWNING SOME KIND OF HORSE TOO BUT I WOMT RAMBLE TOO MUCH ON HOW I SEE HIM SINCE I WANT PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR IDEA BECAUSE ITS SO FRICKIN COOL AND AWESOME!! ESPECIALLY CUZ OF HOW YOU SEE TUNNER BEING THE REASON MR. SUN IS DEAD OGMRJEHFJEKFK?? I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT THATS SOSOSOSO COOL DUDE JAW DROPPED UR SO CREATIVE!! RIP MR. SUN THO LOLOLOLO XD MESS WITH TUNNER, GET THOSE GUNS!! GOD YOUR HEADCANNONS ARE SO COOL ID BE OPEN TO HEAR ANY MORE OF THEM U COME UP WITH AWESOME IDEAS LIKE HONESTLY THEYRE VERY VERY COOL!! TYSM FOR RANTING ABOUT TUNNER I LOVE TO HEAR PPLZ HCS ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM TO BITS KEEP UP UR AWESOME WORK TOO DUDE UR AWESOME THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! :-))))
#SHIFTYS ASKS#GUH BECAUSD THIS LEFT ME SOSOSOSO SPEECHLESS#THANK YOU SOSOSO MUCHCCHHFH DHJEJE#THANK U THANK U THANK U I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT IM GEN SO HALPY ABOUT THOS#UR AWEOME#COOLEST ASK EVER#I LOVE MY MOOTS/FOLLOWERS SO MUCH U ALL ARE SO NICE TO ME WAAHHH#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#JAW DROPPED THE FORST TIME I READ IT WOWOWOWOOW
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How about Tamaki Amajiki with a shy, introvert, nerdy S/O who's studying to become a entomologist (someone who studies butterflies and moths?)
Tamaki x reader
⤷ Genre: Fluff
⤷ Word Count: 2300+
⤷ Warnings: mild cursing
⤷ Synopsis: Tamaki is more than happy spend the day with his s/o at butterfly conservatory, since butterflies and moths are their passion. It’s just such a strange world to him, and he’s pretty nervous about it-especially when the bugs seem to take a liking to his hair
This fic is for the @bnhabookclub Bingo Event! Here’s my masterlist to see all my work for this event!
Bingo Slot: Hair Playing
This is my first one shot with little Amajiki, so sorry if it’s not very good! I lowkey wrote all this at 1 in the morning, so I honestly have no idea what sleep deprived me came up with 😂💀
Also I’m in mobile and at work so I can’t add a “Read More” 😭 I’ll try to get to it when I’m at home!
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You gasped, your eyes blown out of sockets as you looked around at the garden. The smile you were sporting in your cheeks was uncontainable-there we’re just so many butterflies.
They fluttered to and fro like little fairies, each one having a different wing design and a different color. They were so beautiful, so delicate, their wings creating a symphony of small sounds as they fluttered on to the available flowers and trees.
You mind instantly began to pinpoint the different species, the little bodies so used to humans that they were zooming across your own as if you were apart of the forest yourself.
There was a monarch, a painted lady, red admiral, orange sulphur-
“Do-do you like it?”
Tamaki was watching you nervously, his voice nervous as his eyes trained on your shocked face.
He knew how much you loved butterflies and moths, something he had learned about you very early on in your relationship. You had a special bond with the creatures, always researching and learning about new species each day.
After he had learned about this conservatory after you had talked about wanting to go, he knew instantly he had to buy tickets for you to go. He had made a surprise until now, your complete silence making him nervous.
Maybe you didn’t want to go here? Maybe he heard you wrong?
“Oh Tama, it’s-it’s amazing,” you breathed out, your smile evident in your voice, “its perfect,”
You grabbed his hand tenderly, your digits softly gracing the pads of his flesh. Tamaki gulped, a blush evident in his face-he still wasn’t used to this whole relationship, it was honestly scary to him, but-it felt nice. He loved having your skin against his, almost a reminder that none of this was a dream and in fact real.
Now that he could breathe a sigh of relief, he let himself melt into your touch, a nervous smile gracing his lips.
He had to admit it, this place was really breathtaking. The trees were incredibly tall, almost as tall as a whole house, the canopies dropping down as if protecting the butterflies from the outside world. The flowers decorating the floor were bright and colorful like confetti, matching the multiple colors of the butterflies. The damp dirt was sweet, making the whole conservatory smell like the earth after a rainstorm. Everything about this place felt pure and peaceful, making Tamaki feel more at ease.
You squeezed your nervous boyfriend’s hand, turning to look at his adorably shy expression.
“Cmon Tama,” you cooed sweetly, “lets go explore-“
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Now you were sitting on the floor with Amajiki, both your legs crossed casually. You had your phone out, giggling softly as you took pictures of the shy boy.
“Geez Tamaki, I didn’t know you were such a butterfly whisperer,” you giggled, taking another round of pictures of him.
He arms were stretched out along his body, a squirming expression on his face as he tried not to move. Amajiki had to have at least 10 butterflies on each of his arm, not including the ones fluttering on his chest and head, the butterflies somehow all crowding on to him.
“I-I didn’t know-either,” he stuttered out.
He looked so sweet like this, trying hard not to disturb the little creatures on his body.
You smiled again at the boy, settling into the floor as you peered into his indigo blue eyes.
“Do you know what it means when a butterfly lands on you?” You asked quietly, a small smile on your lips.
“No-I dont,” Tamaki stared at you, his eyes wide. “What does it mean?”
You leaned in to him, looking at each butterfly with warmth and affection.
“Well honestly, there’s a lot of interpretations-some say it means transformation and growth, a sign you're discovering your inner wisdom. In dreams, it can mean you're on the right track about a decision, or just good luck.”
You smiled, giving him an embarrassed look.
“Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear me ramble-“
“It’s okay, you can talk about them,”” he interjected, taking care to not move his jaw too much in order to not scare the butterflies. “I think its-it’s....sweet, that you know so much,”
Tamaki was blushing, his cheeks tinged with red. He would be completely embarrased to admit it out loud but-he absolutely loved to hear you talk. You were usually shy and kept to yourself, but when ever you got passionate about something and just rambled, it was-well-nice. He could almost get a glimpse into your mind, seeing how the ideas just flowed through you and created such interesting thoughts. It was intoxicating to Tamaki, and he could never get enough of it.
“Do-do you know what this one is?” he asked timidly, his eyes trained on a beautiful red butterfly with an inky black trim.
“Oh, that one?” you cooed, leaning in slightly towards the little bug. “Thats a red admiral- red butterflies usually symbolize intense love and passion, so sometimes its associated with lovers,”
“Do-do you like those ones? The red?” he asked. His arms were beginning to feel tired frm keeping the butterflies up comfortably, but the ticklish feeling of their beatiing wings took some of the sting off his aching limbs.
You shrugged your shoulders, a carefree smile on your lips.
“I think they’re beautiful,” you said, “but they have alot of bad associated with them. Like some myths from Scotland say a red butterfly is a witch in disguise. Or from Korea, they say that if you touch a red butterfly and then touch your eye, you’ll evetnually go blind.”
Tamaki gulped, his inky blue eyes wide.
“Well thats a little-intense,” he stammered.
You giggled at his obivous shock, your nose scrunched so so adorably Tamaki felt his heart squeeze.
“Yeah just a litle,” you smiled softly.
Your hand reached out, Tamaki watching your every move as you delictely picked up an orange butterfly, its design swirling with black an white.
“This one- is one of my favorites,” you mused, your eyes drinking in lovingly the little orange creature.
Tamaki sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“It-its beautiful,”
You simply nodded, a sweet smile on your face as you watched the butterfly flutter on your pointer.
“This is a monarch-I pretty sure you’ve seen it before,”
Tamaki hummed in agreement-come to think of it, he had learned about his butterfly. He had only vaguely seen it in grade school, maybe in one of the science books he had read in class, but he had never seen it up close.
It was so beautiful, the orange so vibrant yet gentle, the black design looing almost handpainted-perfectly and imperfectly created by Nature’s own hands.
“I think these are absolutely beautiful, but what I really like is the folklore behind them.”
“In Mexico, many pople believe that the monarch migration are actually souls from the Land of the Dead that visit each year during the Fall season. They decorate their altars, and even sometimes dress up as them to help the souls come back to earth and visit their loved ones.”
You gazes at the little creature, your eyes full of admiration aad affection.
“It just-sounds so sweet ya know? That all these people wait for these little guys, and feel so mucch hope and love for them, because they’re a promise that their love never truly dies,”
Tamakki smiled timiidly at the little monarch-how could he tell you that thats exactly how he felt aout you?
You were his little monarch- he had waiting for someone like you to come into his life, to be a promise that everything was going to be okay. That any insecurity or problem he felt he had with himself wasnt so bad as he thought it was- to give him hope that in the future things would turn out okay. He was terrfied some days that your love was all just a fantasy, that maybe, for some reason, you didnt truly love him like he did and you were just dating him out of pity. It was hard for him to get out of those very low stupors, when he felt like he had no worth, but rememebring your smile and your voice and they way you said “I love you” to him made him realize it was all in his head- that your love for each other was real. You were his promose that love was true and never just went away.
You looked up at Tamaki, your soft smile turning into a surpressed chuckle. Somehow when you had been talking about the monarchs, even more butterflies had landed on Tamaki, making hard to even see the color of his shirt now.
“Tama, do you need some help?” you giggled, looking att he doting man with wide innocent eyes.
Tamaki blinked a few times, waking himself up frm his daze-did that many butterflies land on him?
The ache on his arms seemed to get even worse, making his muscles quiver from the effort.
He gulped, a shy grin on his face.
“Y-yes, thatd be nice,” he said, loving how sweet your giggles sounded.
You began to gently help Tamaki say goodbye to his new found friends, tapping gently on his arm to send vibrations that would make the butterflies stutter away. Some were a little more determined, making you have to take it off his shirt by placing it on your finger and gently blowing on it to make it fly off.
All your gentle prodding was making Tamaki blush intensely- he honestly loved your touches, but he was always too nervous to say so.
He simply sat there, relishing the feeling of your skin against his clothing as the dull ache in his arms began to wash away.
Afer a few minutes of prodding, you finally gave a sigh.
“Alright, I think thats the most of them-just now for your hair…”
There were a few butterflies perched in his inky locks, making their colorful wings stand out even more in the almost black landscape of his tresses.
You reached out, your hands beginning to rack against his hair, lifting the strands gently in order to get the butterflies to melt away from his body.
Poor Tamaki’s face began to heat up intensely- this was something he absolutely adored. Whenever you burshed, combed, or even just touched his hair, he instantly felt at ease. His whole body felt warmed up with a bubbly sensation, and butterflies filled his stomach (no pun intended).
He sighed in content, his long black lashes fluttering downward- he could honestly sleep right here, with you touching his hair so soothingly as the butterflies beat their gentle wings in the background.
You definitely noticed that little sigh, a small chuckle escaping your lips.
“You like it when I touch your hair Tama?” you asked sweetly, your heart swelling when you see Tamaki’s cheeks look so warm.
God-why was your boyfriend so adorably cute?
I-uh-uh yes I do,” he stuttered out,clearly sheepish, “could-could you keep touching me-like that?”
You grinned softly, your hands wracking into his hair even more,
God, you could scream with joy right now. Your boyfriend rarey asked for touches, unless he was extremely tired or distraught- it took alot for him to admit he wanted any type of touches, and in public too. He must feel so calm in this moment, and you couldnt be more happy for him. Your heart swelled,a strange sensation of wanting to just kiss him taking over your body.
“Sure thing,” you whispered, your digits caressing his locks. You two sat in complete and comfortable silence, Tamaki focusing on your every touch while you simply relished playing through his har, twisting and brushing the inky black locks.
Amaki felt so at peace it was almost nervewracking-all of this felt like a dream, and he was scared that if he opened his eyes, he would wake up to nothignness. You wouldnt be there, the butterflies would disapperear, and his whole world would no longer be decorated in colors but in meek grays. You were his eveything to him, and he couldnt let you go.
Tamaki gulped, his brows knitted downi n conflict.
“Y/n I-is this a dream?”
You gave a short giggle, finding the comment quite adorable.
“No, sweetie, it isnt-why do you ask?”
“Because-this feels-it feels to good to be real.”
You faltered slightly from touching his hair, your fingers stopping in their tracks.
Too good to be real?
“Tama, I-” you tried to ask gently, but Amajiki beat you to your words. His eyes fluttered open, his hand reaching for your wrist and bringing it downwards, holding it close to his chest.
Y/n, youre-youre my marposa,” he stated, his voice almost forceful, as if he was trying to convince you of his words. “Youre my promise of love. Please-I know it doesnt make much sense but-but you mean everything to me, and I, terrified that of this is-”
Tamaki words were muffled against your lips, your flesh pressed up gently against his own. He tensed up slightly, his body full of shock until he finally succumbed to it, his cheeks on fire as he melted into you.
You pulled away from the stuttering boy, a blissful smile on your lips.
“-fake?” you finished his sentence, “Did that feel fake to you Tamaki?”
The boy didnt know what to do-his whole body felt like it was on overdrive, his skin feeling tingly and warm and shivers crawling deliciously down his back.
Only you could make his nervousness feel exhelirating, and he drank up every minute of being so intimate with you.
N-no,” he stammered, his eyes watching as you smiled at him, your head cocked towards your shoulder.
“You have nothing to worry about-Ill always be right here with you,” you tenderly grabbed for the boy’s hand, your fingers dancing lazily against his digits.
“Youre my promise too”
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#bnha#bnha x reader#tamaki amajiki x reader#bnha tamaki amjiki#tamaki#amajiki#bnha tamaki#bnha amajiki#bnha tamaki x reader#tamaki x reader#mha tamaki x reader#amajiki x reader#bnha amajiki x reader#mha amajiki x reader#amajiki tamaki imagine#tamaki amajiki#tamaki amakiji
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recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory
because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up
movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable
tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football
holy shit is this how tony dies
“pep” ouc h
oh hey he’s home, dope
The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember
“perhaps i judged you too harshly”
“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”
“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????
steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly
and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did
a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig
i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later
the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause
scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it
somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same
“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”
cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit
oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That
and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel
time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake
“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch
gang leaves dejectedly
peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck
cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember
“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”
“i love you 3000″
Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel
cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does
“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.
thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would
The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next
scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world
and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times
“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”
during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing
“i consider this an absolute win!!”
cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in
“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing
i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is
“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”
“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right
“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”
time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not
somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason
time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator
“NO STAIRS”
tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.
i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it
i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do
thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen
and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways
a mother always knows
"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy
and we have our hammer back
cue sobbing on vormir
“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.
nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin
other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six
“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve
yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now
tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat
Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him
snap rest in peace bruce’s arm
cue every single person in the theater holding their breath
“guys. it worked.”
cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang
but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot
i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”
everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters
and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically
oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there
i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”
cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally
oh shit thor’s about to be killed????
OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER
cue the theater screaming as they should
hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should
shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one
somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing
steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this
our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try
“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”
“steve. STEVE. on your left.”
cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced
the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart
now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war
i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again
cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there
PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN
“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little
and the battle for the ages commences
we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.
this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway
“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”
“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin
“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her
t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care
oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time
somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from
we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute
carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????
carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power
“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”
damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck
somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”
the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen.
cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger
i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before
oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.
wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky
WAIT HOLDUP
“i am inevitable”
“and i. am iron man.”
the theater, once again holds its breath
all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook
thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot
and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic
oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony
wait
wait hold on
wait hold on a minute
“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”
“pep.”
“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”
i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.
this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears
“proof that tony stark has a heart”
i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.
but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.
“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”
“i love you 3000.”
oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process
steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no
“are you sure about this?” “i have to”
“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie
but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad
bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it
oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there
buck and sam go talk to him as they should
“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”
“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”
sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal
clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies
and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.
and that’s about all i remember
i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin
i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is
#marvel#avengers#mcu#mcu quotes#endgame#avengers endgame#steve rogers#tony stark#thor#natasha romanov#natasha romanoff#clint barton#bruce banner#sam wilson#bucky barns#this took me a whole ass hour#an hour well spent#i know i missed things#but it was like 3 years ago ok#marvel's avengers
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Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.
My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3
How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~
Victor:
Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.
Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.
While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.
To him, this is a shocking confession.
Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.
Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??
He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.
He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir
One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.
Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...
He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person
BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.
He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.
Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”
All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs
MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front
MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.
She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.
Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.
Kiro:
insert pikachu meme
This boy is mind blown.
“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”
Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is
He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.
The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,
“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”
He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.
Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.
Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.
It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.
As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.
Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.
But he is.
It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.
MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.
He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.
L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.
After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO
MC, however, turns it around on him
MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.
They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.
Gavin:
He knows.
We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.
He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.
It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.
Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.
He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.
Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”
Mc: Gavin no...
Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.
He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.
Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.
When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.
Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine
Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”
MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...
He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.
Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.
He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.
That’s all he needs.
Lucien:
His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.
It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.
It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.
With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.
Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.
Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE
Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.
With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.
He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.
Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.
Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.
He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.
He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.
This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.
They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD
He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her
Bonus:
Shaw:
Shaw, smirking: Is that so?
Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.
He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.
His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”
He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,
Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food
MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.
highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound
MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.
He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.
Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.
iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS
I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO
Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.
Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.
Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.
Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think
A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.
With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.
He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.
I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD
#mlqc#mr. love queen's choice#mr. love#mlqc gavin#mlqc shaw#mlqc kiro#mlqc victor#mlqc lucien#i had to limit myself because i started writing A LOT#i also had the BRILLIANT idea#*not really brilliant*#of Lucien offering to walk MC home after their date#and MC just ‘that’s ok. Youve already done so much for me tonight’#Lucien: Our apartments are right next to each other mc#MC:#*hello darkness my old friend plays in the bg*#she just wanted to be polite and the fucking LOGIC FLEW OVER HER HEAD LIKE#logic? dont know em#ms. walks in front of cars every day#i really enjoyed shaws too just because i love his bitch ass#like being able to meme 24/7 is my dream and that is legit all he’s good for#the S A S S#we love a sassy bitch#and his date we got in the game is all i need to say about their date after mcs reveal#shaw: cool so what IS a date exactly?#mc: youre kidding right?#shaw: well i mean i know it’s for couples but wtf do we do#mc: shopping/dinner/a movie#shaw: *jerry squints* thats boring as hell. lets go do some illegal shit
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I absolutely LOVED reading your kingdom review. You gave me such an insight in things I never even considered, especially since our rankings are so different from each other. The Boyz was my favorite, the narrative was about RTK. How they felt bad for having to compete against their friends but eventually the groups only lifted each other up and it helped TBZ grow into the group they are now through the hardships and mental dilemma, falling into the next challenge right after they reached the top. It should have been more obvious though, I agree, it wasn't really visible for anyone who didn't know. I was wondering how you felt about the dancing in general? my reason for not ranking BTOB high was lack of choreo (and Peniel's verse), same goes for SF9. Mostly because I don't feel the hype when watching, it doesn't keep my focus on the stage. As a baby-performer myself, my goal is to make the viewer curious about what's next. is that the wrong way to look at it? that's what I've always been told, building the tension up and down to create focus. would love to hear your feedback on that! thank you so much for sharing, we need more reviews of people who actually know what they're talking about.
i'm glad that you got some insight from it! like i answered in the previous ask im here to hopefully bring some more depth and understanding for people that care and are curious!
you unintentionally proved my point about tbz’s performance: that is way too complicated! even the most talented solo dancers i can think of would have trouble distilling that down to something readable in 100 seconds, much less a group of like, a dozen people! the introductory stages are meant to show us the character of the group and their abilities in the most concise way possible, it's not the stage to do deep philosophical and emotional introspection. for a full stage? absolutely, go hog wild! but for this stage it was too ambitious and ultimately was ineffective to anyone that isn't a fan of them specifically.
by dancing in general do you mean like, every group? i put most of my opinions on the dancing where i had them in each of the individual rankings but honestly? unless there is something that really stands out positively or negatively, a lot of ‘average’ kpop dance looks the same to me. i know it’s not, obviously, and if pressed i probably could do a more serious breakdown, but dance is only one element of performance. it has equal weight with all the others in my mind, and therefore i notice when it is either
very good
does something unique
very bad, or
interferes with another element
which is the same as how i evaluate every element, if that makes sense.
hmmmm. i thought about this a lot in the shower and turns out i had more opinions that i expected so i'll put them under a cut.
firstly, i don't think lack of choreo should be penalized or considered an ‘incomplete’ performance. at the end of the day, these are bands, and a part of their brand/product they sell is the music. complex choreo does not need to be attached to that to make it a successful performance. also, btob did have choreo. any movement on stage is technically choreography. but this terminology can cause confusion so usually non-dance choreo is referred to as ‘blocking.’ but they also did include the song’s original point choreo at 1.41. the blocking in their performance was well thought out and suited the arrangement, by placing spatial emphasis on each part of the song that needed it. obviously it comes down to personal taste if the performance is ultimately ‘successful,’ because all art is subjective, but just because something isn't as visually complex as something else doesn’t mean it doesn't have the same level of thought. think of it like this: one is a super clean-lined post-post-modern grey/white living room, and the other is a kitsch goth basement. both share interior design principles and have obvious care put into the space, but they are vastly different styles that appeal to different tastes.
part of the job of production designer/AD is to decide what gets emphasis. a question you're always asking yourself is ‘is this important to the story that we’re trying to tell?’ and btob/their AD made a very smart choice with their introductory stage because it says a lot about them and their abilities in a short amount of time. that stage said ‘our foundation is strong, we have the training and experience and confidence to be up here and not rely on visual tricks.’ because they know they physically cannot do the things the 4th gen groups can; they're a decade older and they only have four members, it's just not feasible. something you learn with experience is the power that specific and pointed emphasis holds, which segues into my answer to your last question. i don't necessarily think that ‘building hype’ is the wrong way to perform something, but i do think it is a flawed way to approach creating a performance.
i think that ‘hype’ is flawed concept at its core, and one that focuses on the idea that there’s always being something more, something next, beyond the work itself. now there’s nothing wrong with playing with tension within the internal structure of a piece, that's exactly how constructing a narrative happens. however, the flaws come once we extrapolate beyond the boundaries of that individual work. the idea of ‘whats next’ implies that you have to constantly be promoting, have a sequel coming, building hype etc so people will keep engaged with your work. which is deeply capitalistic in nature and operates on the assumption that art exists purely as a product to be sold. and in order to keep selling you need to keep making a bigger and better and more spectacular product. and this is not the case at all. marketability is not the essence of art, it merely a factor of creating it under this insufferable system. kpop in particular suffers from this because the industry is specifically fabricated to produce capitol. we can have discussions all day about idols and their artistic integrity but at the end of that day, they are all cogs working with a system that was specifically made up by essentially one person to be culturally exported and to just print buckets of money. so in following that train of thought, there is a constant attitude of bigger and better because shock value (whether positive or negative) gets social media attention and therefore it sells. and it has become exponentially easier (and also seemingly required) to make things that are bigger and better than ever before. i remember being blown away by the projection floor at the sochi 2014 olympics because something of that scale and complexity would never have been possible without literally having the funding of the olympics. now that technology is easily accessible to anyone with an amazon account and the time to learn how isadora works. in comparison, it took 2400 YEARS for just the job of a ‘theatre designer’ to be even become a job at all.
because of kpop’s fan culture it is especially prone to ‘hype’ behaviour. in general with the accessibility of the internet and social media, everything has turned into a competition, and who can generate the most buzz ‘wins’. but ultimately that has taken away the general public’s ability to recognize that you can enjoy something quietly and you can enjoy something slowly. that the enjoyment of something doesn’t need to be all exclamation marks and keysmashes and trending hashtags on twitter. there is value in a work engaging in an emotion within you that is not just excitement. most of the artists and companies that i consume the work of i don’t do so because their work makes me excited, i do so because i liked the experience of engaging with that work. several years ago i saw the eternal tides by legend lin dance theatre, which you can watch a really short clip of here. that is not slow motion, that is actually how slow the dancers are moving. and 90% of the show is performed like that. and its two hours long. and it was one of the most incredible performances i've ever seen. if i ever get the chance I will go see another one of their shows again, not because i care about how they can top that experience i had, but because i know they can produce that experience, and that is enough to make me want to seek them out again. the speed of the internet has also loosened the general public’s understanding of just exactly how long creating a performance work can take. the lead dancer in the eternal tides was with the company for eight years before she and the piece were ready enough to be performed. large scale operas, musicals, and plays often have a year or more of pre-production before they even get to rehearsal. smaller theatre companies workshop new pieces for years at a time. performance is hard and it takes time. you can eliminate some of that with sheer amounts of money and people, which is what the kpop industry has done, but it speeds up the cycle of consumption to a degree that is not sustainable, especially for companies and creators who do not have that kind of access. performers and performance makers often don't put enough trust in their audiences. if they like what they see, they will come back. they dont need to be constantly bombarded with content at all times.
now that i’ve said a bit about why i think hype is a flawed concept, let's bring it back to kingdom. sf9 did something very interesting with their stage in that they actively chose to limit their dance time. and this plays very well off the performance film stage that taeyang did a couple of weeks ago. taeyang is talented and confident (for good reason), and his solo was incredible. but when it came to the intro stage, instead of trying to one-up the solo stage, the group instead said ‘well people are going to be looking at us because taeyang is insanely talented, so let's show them that we ALL have the confidence and the attitude to be up here.’ no need for flashy theatrics, they had the foresight to do something that would make them stand out from the rest of the groups. even if i was just casually watching the stages without doing any analysis on them (like i did for rtk), i would still be able to distinguish them because they had the stones to stand around for half their stage time. now i recognize them and would like to see what else they can do. same principle as what btob and also what ikon did. there is a fine line between anticipation and hype that gets equated in media consumption nowadays, but the two are not the same.
i think the tldr on this is that you dont need to ‘build hype’ or ‘go all out’ to make an interesting work. just focus on telling the narrative that you want to tell, and the people that recognize that will come. i could have a lot more things to say about peoples shrinking attention spans and the constant stream of information that we consume on a daily basis that devalues the labour done by artists in the eyes of the public and promotes hustle culture that is burning out and damaging creators at a rate that is both exponential and frightening, but that’s probably for another time, because this is SO LONG
#kingdom#kpop questions#this was a very interesting ask thank you anon!#the consumption and production of art is fascinating and also as an artist it gives me a fucking headache#many thoughts head too full#i hope this provided you with some more insight anon#none of your opinions are wrong i just have different ones and thats ok! i love discussions like this#Anonymous#kpop analysis#text#general design questions#kingdom review responses#answers#kingdom asks
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Fredsythe and 50
50. writer’s preference (we doin 9. “Don’t you ever do that again!”)
he’s woken up by the sound of tapping at his window.
at first he just thinks it’s a dream, and then maybe the wind, until it sounds like whatever is hitting the glass is getting bigger and is followed by whispered yelling.
“wake the fuck up, fred! do not make me come up there!”
it’s alice. fred could recognize that shrill anywhere.
he groans, rolling over to look at his bedside clock. it’s 2 a.m. and fred has no idea what the hell could be so important that alice smith needs to risk waking the entire block up just to annoy him.
throwing the covers back, he trudges out of bed and over to the window, lifting it up with what feels like more effort than usually needed with the way his arms feel like jelly from barely being awake. “what the hell, al? do you know what time it is?” he can’t even keep his eyes open.
“it’s fp.”
it’s like he’s just been doused with ice water. two words is all it takes to bring fred to full attention. even with a sleep-addled brain fred knows alice coming to his house in the middle of the night because of fp doesn’t mean anything good.
“alright. hold on,” is all he says before looking around and grabbing the first pair of pants he sees on the floor along with his rhs hoodie. he climbs out the window, shuffles down the side of his house and jumps the last few feet before rushing over to alice. “what happened?” he sounds panicked even to his own ears.
alice starts walking - jogging, practically - to where fred can see a motorcycle parked on the curb. “i dont know. gladys and i were hanging out at the wyrm and fp comes in. his face was all…” she lets the sentence trail off. fred can fill in the gaps. “next thing we know he’s stealing a bottle of bourbon from the bar so gladys and i follow him out, try to get him to talk. we end up at the school and now he’s on the roof and we can’t get him down.”
“he’s on the roof?!” fred practically screams, and alice has to clamp her hand over his mouth before the entire neighborhood actually does wake up.
“gladys is keeping an eye on him.” she removes her hand and grabs the helmet that’s hanging off the bike’s handlebars before shoving it to fred’s chest. “but you know he’ll only listen to you. come on.”
they waste no more time, fred hopping on behind alice and holding on tight as she speeds off into the night.
–
the second they reach the school parking lot he’s off the bike and on his feet, tossing the helmet to the side and looking up at the now ominous building. the lighting is for shit, but fred can just make out the silhouette of someone stumbling along the roof’s edge and his heart sinks.
“f…” he breathes, more to himself than anything. he knows enough not to yell out. doesn’t want to surprise his best friend lest he lose his footing.
he doesn’t wait any longer, dashing into the school and not stopping until he reaches the roof. alice must still be trailing somewhere behind him but he can’t focus on that. all he sees is fp in front of him, walking along the roof’s ledge like some tightrope routine, albeit clumsier.
fp’s got a half empty bottle in one hand, taking occasional swigs from it while he dangles his foot off the side of the building like he’s tempting fate. all fred wants to do is run over and grab him, bring him back to safety, hold him close. but he can’t. no sudden movements.
fred takes his eyes off fp for just a moment to notice gladys nearby, hands in her hair, visibly stressed, trying to talk fp down. it’s obviously not working.
she lets out a breath and turns around, finally noticing fred, and her body deflates. “oh thank fucking christ.” they meet each other halfway, fred’s eyes never leaving fp. “you gotta do something, fred. he’s not listening.” she looks back at fp briefly before returning her attention to fred.
“what am i supposed to do?” fred asks, sounding all too much like a scared child. it’s exactly what he feels like. powerless.
“he listens to you, fred,” gladys tries to reassure. reaches out and squeezes fred’s arm.
fred takes a deep breath, nods his head like he actually believes he has this situation under control. he doesn’t. he’s in way over his head here. if they were dealing with anyone else he would’ve told alice from the start to get the police, or at the very least an adult. but this is fp, and if there’s one thing fred knows it’s that either of those things would just spook fp. get him pissed. send him off running. or worse. it’s a sobering thought realizing he really is the only one who can talk fp down.
he braces himself for the unexpected, not knowing which version of his best friend he’s going to get with so much alcohol in his system. he approaches slowly, like he’s trying to tame a lion in a cage.
“f...” he starts, voice quiet.
fp looks over his shoulder. there’s something shining in the reflection of the moonlight on his face. something wet. fred’s stomach twists when he remembers what alice said to him earlier. “that you, freddie?”
“yeah. yeah, buddy. it’s me.”
fp scoffs, takes another drink. “buddy,” he mocks. “that what we are now?”
he’s trying to pick a fight, fred knows. “why don’t you just come down so we can talk, huh?”
but fp doesn’t move. just finishes off his bottle and holds it out in front him, watches as he lets it fall from his hand and all the way down to the ground below. waits for the faint sound of glass shattering before he speaks. “shit, if we’re just buddies you should’ve told my dad. could’ve spared me an ass beating.”
it’s hardly the first time fred’s been made aware of forsythe senior’s particular brand of punishment, the hell he likes to unleash on his son, but it never gets any easier to swallow. he had tried in the beginning to get fp to tell somebody, begged him, really, but he never would. too afraid of ending up lost in the system. too afraid of what his dad would do if shit didn’t pan out. fp’s entire life seemed to be ruled by fear.
“fp, please. just-”
“fuck off, fred!”
fp stumbles from the force of his yelling, too much booze in his system to keep him steady, and there’s a moment where fred thinks this is it. he can hear a gasp from the girls behind him as he’s lunging forward to grab fp. but fp rights himself on his own, and fred feels like he’s about to keel over from the heart attack he’s just almost had.
but it lights a fire in him. “ok, you know what?” it’s reckless and stupid but he’s climbing up to stand next to fp. hears alice in the back yelling “are you fucking crazy?!” but ignores her.
even fp’s eyes are blown wide as he turns his head to look at his new company. it’s the first time fred’s really able to get a look at the damage done. it’s bad. really bad. but he can’t focus on that right now.
“the fuck are you doing?” fp asks.
fred shrugs his shoulders, trying to be as nonchalant as he can with his heart pounding in his chest. it’s not so much that he’s afraid of heights.... he’d just rather not be standing on the edge of a roof without a safety net below. “you jump, i jump.”
“jesus christ, fred. i wasn’t gonna jump.”
“you could’ve fooled me!”
“i wasn’t! i just... don’t care if i fall.”
“well i care!” fred feels like he’s on the verge of hysterics. maybe he’s already there.
“well i didn’t ask you to!”
“that’s too damn bad!” he and fp have had their share of stupid fights in the past but this.... this has got to take the fucking cake. “one of these days you’re gonna have to face the fact that people actually care about you.”
fp doesn’t say anything, just keeps his jaw clenched as he looks at the ground below him.
“i care about you,” fred emphasizes. “and i think i’d lose my mind if anything happened to you.”
fp finally turns his gaze to fred, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “i’m real fucked up, fred,” he whispers, voice breaking with raw emotion. “can’t even get my own dad to love me.”
fred’s heart breaks for him, and he wants nothing more than to run down to the south side and lay into senior; kicking and punching and wailing about how he could do this to his son. “screw your dad,” is what he settles on. he reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind fp’s ear, let’s his hand linger there. “i don’t know how to make things better for you, but i’m here. and i’ll always be here. for as long as you need me.”
fp sniffs, looks away. “that’s a helluva job to take on. you sure it’s worth it?”
“yes,” fred responds without missing a beat.
fp’s head snaps up, his eyes searching fred’s for any sign of deception, like this is just a ploy to talk fp down and the words are meaningless. they’re not, he knows. doesn’t make it any easier to believe.
fred hops off the ledge then, back onto the roof, holds his hand out to fp like a beggar. “come on, f.” he doesn’t need to say please. it’s written all over his face. “let me take you home.”
“i’m not going back there.”
“you know what i meant.”
fp looks down over the ledge again, contemplating the fall, before look back to fred, to his outstretched hand, to his safety line. he takes it, hopping down onto the roof and as soon as his feet hit fred’s pulling him into his arms and holding him like he’s trying to crush fp’s bones. the dam breaks and fp can’t stop the tears, burying his face against fred’s shoulder, sure he’ll leave bloody stains behind on the fabric of his hoodie.
but fred doesn’t seem to care. he keeps holding fp impossibly closer, pressing his lips to fp’s hair and saying “don’t you ever do that again! you hear me? fucking scared the shit out of me.”
fp cries harder. keeps repeating he’s sorry, he’s sorry over and over.
fred pulls back, gentle cradles fp’s face in his hands, careful not to upset his wounds. “i fucking love you, you know that?” he says it with such determination, like he needs fp to know.
fp nods his head. he can’t even see fred’s face properly through his tears but he doesn’t need to. the sincerity is loud and clear. there’s no mistaking it. “take me home, freddie.” he sounds so small, so childlike. so vulnerable.
fred nods his head before pulling fp into another hug, lips right to his ear. “yeah, baby. let’s go.”
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a dark secret unveiled
Who: Clara Evans (@fieryclaraevans), Peyton July (@southsidepey) ; brief appearance by Derek Gilbert (@derek-ghoulie) w. brief mention of Cassie Bailey (@cassiexbailey)
What: Clara and Peyton stumble across an unexpected secret
When: October 26, Evening
Where: Bridgemont Estates, St. James’ Masquerade
Notes: If there are triggers you need me to mark, please let me know
Peyton
Peyton needed some time away from the dance. One of the guys started to make her feel uncomfortable and knew she had to get out there before she had a full blown panic attack. So, she decided to get some fresh air and it would be best to walk along the beach. Once she arrived there, Peyton slipped off her heels & mask before she started to walk mindlessly. After a while, she got lost in her mind, thinking about things when she saw a log. She furrowed eyebrows, knowing that logs didnt come down this far from the river. She glanced behind her, wondering if anyone was following her and then continue to walk towards the log. Once she got there, she could feel shear panic run through her body and felt sick to her stomach. "No..." She sped up her walking and then started to run before she stopped and let out a scream when she noticed it was Sebrina's body. She dropped her dress, her heels and her mask as she wrapped her arms around herself. She couldnt stop looking at the body, or even move. She was frozen there.
Clara
Clara only snuck out momentarily, enough for a joint and had every intention on going back. There was definitely more she could pocket to make Daddy proud, and there was definitely more scenes she could cause.
She was about to head back to the manor when a bloodcurdling scream distracted her. A scream like that meant something. Without thinking she followed the sound and found Peyton standing alone. It didn’t add up until she walked closer.
The body was almost unrecognizable but even she could place it. Sebrina Smythe.
“Holy fuck...” she mumbled. “Oh this... this is something.”
Peyton
Peyton was close to tears as she stared at the body, covering her mouth as she quieted her sobs. She didnt noticed someone had joined her until she heard someone mumble.
She glanced over to see Clara, then she looked at the body. She slowly uncovered her own mouth then she can opened up her mouth, but no sound came out and glanced out towards the water. She wondered how long the body had been there, just, lying behind the manor. She knew that she needed to let someone else know, but her legs were still frozen there.
"W-we need to get someone." She finally spit out, glancing towards Clara once more. "W-we c-cant just leave h-her here." She stuttered out, wondering if it was the cold that was making her do it.
Clara
Clara wasn’t sure she wanted just anyone showing up. As innocent as she actually was, her standing above the body of a Smythe wasn’t exactly something most NS’rs would take very kindly to.
“Yeah,” she told Peyton, in an effort to placate her. “I’ll text someone, don’t worry.” The only people she even wanted showing up were her own people.
She pulled her phone out the the purse, careful not to reveal anything else she had in there to Pey, sure she wouldn’t hear the end of robbing the St. James’. She scrolled and found Derek’s contact info and shot him a text.
Back of the manor. Beach area. 911.
Peyton
Peyton fought against the tears as she looked over Sebrina's body, knowing that things will come unglued and she didnt want to be in Riverdale for it, but she knew that she wanted to be there for Jackie.
"T-thank you." She said as she started to rubbed her arms and glanced back out at the water. She chewed on her bottom lip as she carefully walked around the body, the best she could and then glanced back at Clara.
Peyton picked up her dress, prayed that none of the flowers from her dress had fallen off and then walked back where she was standing at, by her heels & mask.
Derek
The evening had been positively eventful, and he was right in the middle of showing the new girl in town why he was such a beast when he got Clara’s text. Huffing in annoyance at the shit timing, he still finished Cassie up before getting himself dressed and heading out to the back of the manor indicated by the urgent text. All the while he thought to himself if someone’s not dead, someone’s fucking gonna be.
He approached and saw Peyton first, looking confused and hesitant. She didn’t seem hurt. Clara would’ve had no reason to attack her. But soon enough he saw what they were looking at.
Were he a gambling man, the bloated, purple and blue corpse appeared to belong to one Sebrina Smythe. It was impossible to tell how long the body had been in the river but it was definitely too long, chunks of flesh missing from being battered around by the lake and probably gnawed at by fish and other creatures.
Unphased, he arched a brow and looked over at Clara. “You called me out here with a 911 to look at an old dead body? What do you want me to do about it? This is a crime scene now, you can’t fuckin’ move it or anything.” He glanced back over at Peyton. “Call the actual police. No ones gonna get accused of murdering that thing tonight.”
Clara
Clara could Derek wasn't pleased to be called out here, she could see it in the way he walked. That being said, what was she supposed to have done? It's not like she trusted many, or any, people outside of the Ghoulies. He wanted to be their leader, this was the stuff he was going to have to deal with.
Then again, if one Ghoulie standing over Sebrina's dead body, two was probably worse. She wasn't going to let Derek know that had even crossed her mind now though.
"Look," she answered, completely turning away from Peyton. "I heard her scream, I came running, as one does when they hear screaming and this is what I find. Excuse me if I don't exactly know how to deal with a dead fuckin' body."
So maybe getting worked up wasn't the best thing either, and she would probably pay for that later, but she couldn't help it. Like Moni always said, she was a firecracker, it was just in her DNA.
Peyton
Peyton swallowed hard when she listened to Derek, nodded before she pulled out her phone from her bra and dialed the police. She glanced between them, let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair carefully.
"Hi, yes. Um. I found the body of Sebrina Smythe a..and she's behind the manor of the St. James. It looks like she was washed up on shore." Peyton started to say as she stepped in the water, and closed her eyes a bit. "N-no, no one has moved the body a..and I just walked around it, to make sure it was Sebrina Smythe." She glanced at Clara & Derek and let out a breath.
"Y-yeah, I'll go and meet up with the police and show them where Sebrina's at. The address?" Peyton said before she told them the address and hung up before she placed it back into her bra. "The police will be here in a few minutes, in the meantime, you two, should go. I dont want you two to get hit once everyone gets wind about this. I realize that no one will get arrested, but, I dont want anyone to go after you two. However, it's up to you guys if you want to stay."
Derek
Rubbing his eyes in blatant irritation, Derek glared in clara’s direction. “You literally had nothing to do with the body. You turn around and you walk away. What the hell were you expecting I’d be able to do about it? Not like she can be revived. And she was a huge bitch anyway.”
He sighed at Peyton. The cops would be here any minute to fetch the body of their beloved little NorthSider wench. Derek pointed at Clara again. “Princess, go gather up everyone you can find and evacuate. The second the cops get here this place is going on lockdown for questioning. I’ll send out a text but go.”
He shrugged at Peyton. “I’ll hang back.”
Clara
Clara waited patiently as Peyton made the call. When Derek spoke she could help but stand a little straighter. She was just supposed to leave him here? She didn't like the sound of that, but he'd given her an order and she was damned if she was going to step out of line right now. "Yes, Daddy," she answered, putting her phone back in her purse and flash a little of the good's she'd already grabbed at him, obviously out of view of Peyton.
As she walked away she quickly texted everyone even if she knew Derek would too, and made her way to gather everyone on the path out, none of them were going to be caught tonight, not if she could help it.
Peyton
Peyton watched as Clara walk away, stepped out of the water and away from Sebrina, wrapped her arms around her body once more. She slipped on her heels as she stood next to Derek, mask in her hand and knew that her makeup was messed up.
"I should probably text everyone I know as well, right?" She asked as she looked up at Derek. "Never been in this situation before, so not sure if Im doing anything right or not." She glanced back at the body. She let out a breath, that she apparently was holding and really wanted to put her hair up but she didn't have a hair tie. "Do you think they're going to take me down to the station to get a full report?"
Derek
Derek half expected Clara to fight with him about it, but the priority needed to be getting everyone out that had a loaded purse or bag filled with shit they stole from the manor. Especially with everything in clara’s bag. He dug out his phone and fired off a quick group text to the Ghoulies.
Glancing down at the corpse again, Derek shrugged. “If you want? I’m having my guys get the hell out of dodge before the cops start pointing fingers and asking questions. I don’t really give a shit what you do for those shitty snakes.” He reached over and carefully patted Peyton’s back. “I doubt it. The body’s been decaying for awhile. I can’t imagine they’d waste time bringing you there for a lot of “I don’t know” answers.”
Peyton
Peyton listened to Derek, rolled her eyes as she gave him a pointed look. She didnt want to argue with him right here and in front of a dead body. She opened up her mouth but she closed it and pulled out her phone back out of her bra.
"Thank you, for patting my back carefully. Be aware of the sticks and bobby pins on the left side and the flowers." Peyton replied as she quickly texted everyone that she knew, froze over one name and quickly skipped it before she went back texting. "Never know, I could be a suspect, which would be hilarious because I didn't come back, shortly before or was it after she went missing. I don't quite remember, but you're right. Though, probably ask me where I was on the Fourth of July." She put her phone back into her bra and shuddered a bit. "I should've brought a coat with me."
Derek
Derek shrugged again. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, P. This is very clearly not a recent murder and I can tell you right off the bat you’ll fair a hell of a lot better with the cops than I will.” He glanced over at her, shaking. “Why the hell wouldn’t you come out here with a jacket? For fucks sake.” He shrugged off his suit coat and offered it to her so she could put it around her fancy dress herself. “Here. Put this on before your nipples fall off.”
Peyton
"Because I was in a middle of a mild panic attack at the moment." Peyton pointed out and rolled her eyes as she grabbed the jacket. "Even though I've wore less in the cold, thanks." She slipped on the jacket and pulled it closer to her. After a while, the cops showed up and Peyton gave Derek his coat back after thanking him, knowing that she shouldve kept it on. She showed them where the body was before she followed one of the EMTs to get checked out. She felt a storm was brewing now and she didnt like what was going to become of it.
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Do you ever have binges that last for hours, watching YouTube videos? I always get lead down a rabbit hole.
Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? Yes. Yike.
Who’s one person in the world you think is more overrated than anyone else? My brother in law. Dunno what my sister or nieces see in him.
Has anyone given you a compliment that was about your hair this week? Yes. Almost everyday someone says something about the color.
Do you ever consider yourself to be better than any of your family members? My brother in law.
Do you watch television shows more in the dark or the day time? I mean, I am at work most days so.
Are there any movies out there that basically make you want to puke? Eh.
Are either of your parents laid of from work at the moment? No.
Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Eh.
Do you prefer to use paper towels or just regular napkins? I don’t care.
What’s one nickname you have for your best friends? What are they? I call Sarah “Grillz” a lot.
Have you ever told a secret on one of your friends you promised otherwise? Yeah, to my husband.
Do you still own any of your childhood toys? Are they special to you? Yes and yes.
What color is your hair originally? Not counting hair dye. I’m not 100% sure. When I was little, up until I first dyed it in high school, it was BLONDE. My roots appear to be a darker blonde though so who knows.
Do you have any friends you doubt are truly loyal to you? Not anymore.
Do you consider yourself a promiscuous person? Nope. Look to your left, what’s the first blue thing you see right now? A highlighter.
What’s the biggest lie you’ve told, you can think of right now? I don’t know.
What’s the last hot thing you’ve eaten today? Nothing yet. Probably not until tonight.
Do you ever celebrate holidays forcefully? Or voluntarily? I celebrate them voluntarily. I’d prefer to not celebrate Thanksgiving because fuck that noise, but it’s more about us being together than anything else at this point in our family.
Do you know anyone who has AIDS? What about yourself? I know someone with HIV. I don’t know if it’s full blown AIDS, though. It hasn’t come up in discussion because the last I hear it was under control.
Do any of your best friends’ parents absolutely despise you? No.
As a child, did you ever run around and play in the mud freely? Yes.
Do you have an unhealthy love for seafood or do you hate it? I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE seafood. It’s my favorite food.
Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? No, not that I’m aware of.
If you have a job at the moment, what exactly is it? I work at a college.
Does your mom cook home-made food, or does she just order take-out? When she was alive, she cooked a lot. At least when I was a kid.
What’s one thing in your room you would die if your signfigant other found? We share a room.
Do you have an account on Stickam.com? If so, is it awesome? Nope.
How many people can you honestly say, have you stalked before? I’ve facebook and IG creeped, lets be real. We all have.
At your school, are you required to do an annual ILP? I have no idea what that means.
What’s your favorite hair color on the opposite sex that you love? I like dark hair.
Do you go to the gym regularly? Or rather, ever? I’m gunna start again.
Look in your closet. What’s the mainstream color of clothing you own? Black and blue.
Would you like to stay young forever, or grow old someday? Old.
What’s one show on ABC that you really and truly hate? I don’t watch regular TV.
When was the last time you saw someone you thought was really attractive? This morning when I left for work.
Do you ever title your MySpace bulletins with song titles? Yes haha. Man I kinda miss MySpace.
Dont you hate it when people send you chain letters or emails? It’s been forever.
Have you ever had a child before? If so, what’s his/her name? Nope. Just fur babies.
Did your parents ever make you join along to go to PTA meetings? I’ve been to a few.
Does your school have a swimming pool? Or no? Nope.
What’s the one thing that annoys you the most that you are around 24/7? Myself?
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OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11
we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both
she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.
let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,
i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞
Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.
i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT
She had never looked at Glynda’s files.
im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,
/looks at the chapter title again
hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best
Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,
I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.
HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA
like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD... kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K
The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.
HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............
Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?
any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(
CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST
Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.
i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease
honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)
She blinked. Her double did not.
‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’
she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.
i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It
its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,
When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?
oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,
The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…
It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.
oh boy okay wow
okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!
She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.
im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............
here comes chapter 11
if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.
HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI
holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,
also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,
The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.
if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,
Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.
every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude
The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.
IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—
with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....
A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.
i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)
From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.
WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,
For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.
For a Witch? For—
the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it
Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.
me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,
firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes
[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.
i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--
In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.
WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.
that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,
He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.
when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.
The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.
im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die
Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.
BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,
They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.
hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~
They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:
She was out of time. The Witch was here.
oh no.
okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,
terrible.
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The Great Escape: Free Kanan
Pairing: KanaDia Word Count: 7 691 Summary: Dia pauses the search for her friend and pulls up the cardboard packaging, taking out a big, purple plastic mess from it. She finds the spout where a pump may go, inhales a deep breath and the blows it out into the inflatable object.
-Record scratch, freeze frame on Dia as she's about to exhale-
‘’Yup thats me. You're probably wondering how i ended up in this situation.. Well we gotta go back a couple weeks‘’
Author’s Note: Hi, thank you @nozoroomie for my life I dont know how to write but thank you so so much for doing this collab with me and for pretending like I do know what im doing anyways! This is small gift for our friend @chilopawbi because sometimes even your really dumb friends deserve something nice. And this is one of those times. Also avaliable to read on Roomie’s! [AO3]
One would not expect there to be much activity by the pier of the Kurosawa fishing business late on a Friday night. Normally, after 8pm at the latest, lights are shut off in the factory, boats are safely secured in the docks and everything is as it should be. But tonight, if one looked closely, they would see the form of a young adult sneaking into the boat docks, with a large bundle tucked under one arm and a flashlight in the other.
Said girl walks over to the very end of the docking bay, kneeling down without a care. She places the large cardboard packaging under her arm on the wooden floor next to her and glances around the murky waters of the bay, searching for someone. She frowns a bit when she can’t immediately find who she looks for, but time waits for no one. She opts out of her search for her friend in favour of opening the cardboard packaging and getting to work. She spreads out what looks to be a purple plastic mess that’s meant to be blown up. She takes a deep breath and exhales it before picking it up, finding the little spout where a pump may go and instead putting her mouth around it. One more big inhale and then Dia begins to exhale inside the object.
Why exactly does she find herself here tonight? She thinks back to why she’s done this in the first place and remembers all too well what happened when her father came home that day from work.
The senior Kurosawa with dark red hair that matched his youngest daughter was distraught. He sat in the kitchen, head in his hands as his wife brought him a cup of tea. Dia had been walking past the kitchen but the position her father was in wasn’t normal. She pauses on the other side of the doorway when her mother speaks.
“Are you positive that’s what you saw dear? An actual-”
“Absolutely. I have the proof- she can’t move. She’s hurt and stuck there for her own safety.”
“Wow.. A real life mermaid.”
Dia almost falls over. A what?! There’s no way she can hide herself now.
“Excuse me, what?!” Dia says, stepping into the kitchen with a determined look on her face. The one both her mother and father know means she won’t be leaving them until she’s gotten all the information she needs. Her father prinches the bridge of his nose while her mother sighs.
“Dia,” Her father says in a serious tone, bringing his hand down, “Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?”
Yes.
“No- I was walking past,” She responds curtly, “You found a mermaid at work? Really? You can’t be serious.”
She’s always been skeptical about the local tales- the rumours of mermaids living in the ocean near their little town. She thought it was all a legend- stories from the past that were passed down through generations of families and told to the children to fill their minds with wonder and to respect the ocean more (after all, mermaids and the animals can’t continue to live safely unless they keep the ocean clean.)
But Dia is a firm believer in solid proof. There is little proof that mermaids exist- only theories. She refuses to believe this issue at work is a mermaid and not something more urgent. Her father sighs and he stands up, leaving his full cup of tea.
“Well there’s no point arguing with you. Come along Dia- and not a word of this to your little sister, understand?”
No words are said by the two of them as they head towards the front door. They get their shoes on and Dia’s father leads them towards his work truck. Dia feels a little nervous from the aura of anger and exhaustion radiating off of her father, but he doesn’t seem upset or angry. Frustrated maybe- but not with her. The girl feels maybe she should say sorry, but her pride is a stubborn thing. She’ll wait until apologies are meant to be given.
“Father, are you really serious about this mermaid?” Dia asks him in a soft, concerned voice. He keeps his eyes on the road and lets out a small sigh.
“I know you, Dia. You won’t believe me unless you see it for yourself.” He replies simply. Dia blushes a bit embarrassed but leans back in her seat.
The rest of the ride is short and quiet. Dia steps out of the truck when they’re parked and she follows her father into the warehouse. The walk down the docks is a little eerie. Dia feels a twinge of fear within her but she follows her father regardless.
They approach the final bay in the warehouse where their most expensive fishing boat rests. There’s a long rope going along the front of the boat from one dock to the next and a sign that says “Out of order” right in the middle. Dia takes a once over of the side she can see and notices where the large net motor should be its not there- baron of any sign of a net motor whatsoever. She opens her mouth to ask her father what happened when he peers over the dock and points under the water with his flashlight.
“Right there.” he says, holding the light in place, “See down there? The slight discoloured spots just by the bottom of the boat? The spots throw you off but if you focus on them you’ll see the tail fin.”
Sure enough, Dia squints and the spots she can see move. Her brows furrow and when she tries to locate them her eyes detect movement. She follows it with her gaze and she lets out an audible gasp when she sees not just the spots of a tail fin, but an actual, real life form of a mermaid. It’s dark and Dia swears, if it weren’t for the light from their flashlight, she would not believe it. A real living mermaid.
“What… what are you going to do with her?” Dia asks in an unbelieving voice.
Her father stays silent and Dia finally takes her stare away from the mermaid. He looks like he’s contemplating something and Dia really doesn’t like that gaze he has. The answer should be obvious- help heal the mermaids fin and send her back into the ocean where she belongs. But new net motors aren’t cheap and the equipment to repair their best boat may be pricey- she knows that it might put a financial strain on the company. But nothing they couldn’t handle.
His expression alone says a million things that are far from the answer Dia wants to hear.
“That’s undecided. We’re going to figure it all out tomorrow.” He finally answers. “I’m going to go into the office to make a call since we’re here. Come get me when you’re ready to go home.”
He heads down the dock and into the direction of the office building while Dia stays put. It angers her to know that her father may be planning something more for the mermaid before he even releases her- or if he even releases her. She looks down with a furious gaze.
“Disgusting. I won’t let him do anything like that if I can help it.”
As her sentence is finished there’s a small sploosh noise and Dia perks up immediately, flashing her light towards the sound. All she can see are ripples on the surface of the water between her and the boat, and there’s only one thing that could’ve done it. Dia peers towards the surface closer to her and she almost yells when she finds a piercing, amethyst gaze staring up at her through the water. She hears herself gasp but can’t process anything as she gets a close up look of the mysterious mermaid.
Her hair is long and dark- most likely a deep blue hue. Her gaze is cautious, yet there is a curiosity in it that Dia can recognize quite easily. Her gaze moves and Dia can see that the scales and spot designs aren’t just a part of her tail fin- they go up along her sides and cover parts of her chest, as well as parts of her arms (her big, strong looking arms, and oh so very defined biceps.) and framing her face. She can only assume her back is covered in more of the beautiful patterned scales and it’s only then that Dia realizes just how beautiful this mermaid is. She takes in more details of her face- the way her nose points up ever so slightly in a dainty way, the fullness of her lips (her very kissable lips), the way the scales along the underside of her face make her chin more prominent.
Dia swallows. Hard. Oh no. Oh no this mermaid is cute. No- she’s more than cute. This mermaid is a hottie. A bonafide hottie who Dia wishes was more than just a creature of the sea. She hates this- it’s bad enough having a gay crisis in public with Mari around, but now she’s having a moment alone, in her family���s business, with a mermaid of all things.
Her face is the brightest shade of red and whether it’s from shame or the mermaids beauty, Dia really doesn’t know.
The mermaid has yet to move away and she looks further down to find the injury her father mentioned earlier- as clear as day. Along with what looks like rope burns, the sea creature has a long, painful looking gash going down towards her fin, and it is definitely some kind of swollen. Dia frowns concerned, wondering if anything might be able to help it. Does human medicine work on mermaids? Would the mermaid be willing to try it and find out? Would disinfectant cream even be useful if the mermaid has to be in the water? There’s so many questions running through Dia’s mind, but all she can really think about is how this mermaid needs to be let back into the ocean. They can’t keep her here. It’s too cruel. It’s unfair and unjust and holding her hostage is not the way anyone in the Kurosawa family should handle things.
“I’m not sure if you understand me but if you do, please don’t be afraid,” she says softly, “I’m going to help you out of here and get you back home.”
The mermaid doesn’t seem to react much aside from blinking slowly at her. Does this mean she understood? Dia certainly hopes so. She blushes a bit but clears her throat, deciding she’ll talk with her father now, since she has the opportunity.
She doesn’t leave immediately though- there’s something about the mermaids gaze that keeps her entranced. Are mermaids and sirens the same thing? Is this what it’s like to be caught in the spell of one? (Or is Dia just that gay..) She isn’t sure but she also doesn’t mind. The way the mermaid stares has become more curious and interested than anything else and Dia can only hope it’s because she’s understood her slightly.
With one last look over her shoulder Dia heads for her father’s office.
‘’What do you mean I would have to get a brand new boat!?’’ Her father’s voice echos out of the office as Dia gets closer to the door. Now Dia might be gay, but she wasn’t bad at math, a brand new boat would dent the company’s paychecks more than just a small equipment replacement. She stops outside of the office door, this was worse than she thought it would be.
The mermaids fate was probably sealed now that her father got the bad news. How was he planning on exploiting the mermaid now that their best boat had to be replaced? Was there any laws against exploiting mermaids? did it count as animal cruelty or maybe slavery? The more Dia thought about it the more determined she got. She had to help the mermaid break out, and fast.
By the time Dia is out of breath the purple plastic object is far from looking anything like the picture on the cardboard box it came out of. How could her budget bought inflatable chair be so hard to blow up? The huffing and puffing escaping from her would put the big bad wolf to shame, this was ridiculous!
‘’Hey Dia, do you any need help?’’
Dia almost chokes when the friend she was looking for shows up, of course she would be caught now that she was out of breath and looked like a roasted tomato. Facing the mermaid that was looking up at her Dia can’t help but blush harder before collecting herself.
“There you are Kanan.” She finally says, a bit out of breath. “You’re late.”
Kanan smiles a bit.
“I’ve been here the whole time, you just never thought to look under the dock.” She says with a cheeky grin that catches Dia off guard and god could this mermaid be anymore charming?! Seriously?! Just a single smile and Dia’s stomach is doing flips.
Her attention however quickly zones in on all the things Dia brought with her, especially the cardboard packaging for the purple plastic mess Dia was so desperately trying to blow up. She tilts her head curiously, using her hands to push herself up on the dock and keeping herself held up as she read the letters on the box. There’s familiar characters on the label, but on the picture of the box there are a few english letters spelt out. She focuses her gaze on it to try to read what it says.
“B-Brit-ney Spear-s, What’s a ‘Britney Spears?’’ The mermaid asks out of curiosity as she reads the english text out loud.
“To- to address your question, no- No I’m, I’m fine, I- I can do this.” Dia tries to bluff, but she realizes exactly how close Kanan is at this moment and loses a bit of her confidence, “It’s just a dumb, a really dumb Britney Spears, that’s exactly what a Britney Spears is.’’
She feels too embarrassed to admit that Britney Spears is actually an american pop star but Kanan doesn’t need to know that. She turns back to the task at hand, blowing with all her might into the purple plastic as to prove a point, but her moment only lasts for so long before she gives in to her already dead lungs again.
“Feels like you’ve been doing that forever huh? Think we’ll be able to pull this off without your dad finding out?” Kanan asks, leaning onto her elbows and resting her head on her hands as she watches the other girl.
Dia takes a couple deep breaths of air and shakes her head, preparing herself to blow into the inflatable object once again. If she didn’t have powerful lungs before, she certainly would after today. She tries to blow more air into the object but she runs out of breath fast. Maybe she should take a longer break.
“What exactly is stopping your dad from interrupting us?” Kanan asks, a curious smile dancing on her lips.
“One word.” Dia breathes out, digging into her pocket and bringing out her phone. She scrolls through it a little bit before she turns the screen to face Kanan, “Mari.”
“Oookay.. so, how is this ‘Mari’ stopping your dad?” Kanan pries for more information with that smile still on her face. Dia’s face heats up a little more. Gross. She’s super cute when she wants to learn more.
“Mari is the director of my high school.” Dia explains with a bit of reluctance. “She arranged a parent teacher interview with my father. I don’t know the reason why but I do have a bad feeling about it.”
“Why’s that?”
“I have a feeling whatever reason she’s called my father to the school is because she made it seem very urgent. She never told me what she was going to say, but I have a feeling I’ll be scolding her later.”
As this is said, somewhere, across the city at Uranohoshi Girls academy, Mari feels a chill run up her spin as she looks at Mr. Kurosawa across from her. In front of her are three pictures of what seems to be his youngest daughter vandalising school property with various doodles of sweets, small animals and the most alarming thing of all- an english phrase of some sort that reads “send nudes.”
[The truth of the matter is they were all photos taken for the year book that were edited by her and a comrade in arms (Yohane, they called her) to make it look like the little Kurosawa was destroying school property. Mari assumes Dia will be furious with her, but she’s confident she’ll be able to convince Dia it was the only option. ]
Kanan laughs a melodious sound and Dia feels like she could melt into a pile of liquid. Her laugh sounded like velvet and gold, a weird way to describe a laugh but it’s the only way it makes sense to Dia. Dia’s heartbeat echoes and she hopes, prays that mermaids don’t have super hearing. It would be embarrassing for Kanan to hear how loud it is right now.
“Wonder what she made him go all the way there for.” the mermaid muses, lifting her tail fin above the water slightly to splash the surface in an amused manor. Almost like an excited dog wagging its tail.
Dia almost falls over and clutches her chest at the image of the mermaid with puppy ears. (Like the snapchat filter, tongue out and all.)
“So, what is it you’re trying to blow up there?” Kanan asks, still as curious as ever, “Is it going to help you move me to the ocean?”
“Not quite.” Dia replies as she pulls the plastic apart to see just how much more air it needs. “It’s what I’m going to use to follow you far enough into the ocean so I can assure you’ll be safe and on your way home.”
Kanan snorts and Dia glares at her slightly.
“The plan is we blow this up here, you hoist yourself out and I guide you into the wheelbarrow half full of water, then we throw on the hat and chair and other various things to disguise you and make it look like I’m just moving a bunch of junk towards the beach so nobody stares for too long. Once we get to the ocean, I’ll help you into the water then follow you with the floating chair and we go out to the ocean and you go home.” Dia feels like that was a bit of a mouthful but Kanan laughs lightly.
“You know you could just swim in the ocean if you wanna follow me, right?” She suggests to Dia but Dia shakes her head.
“No you see, how will I be able to protect you or me from anything coming our way? I’d be too distracted swimming to keep up with you. So I brought this paddle to smack away anything that tries to harm us.”
Kanan stares at her a little bewildered before she slowly smirks.
“Okay, sure. So we’ve got you sitting on this… not inflated Britney Spears, with the paddle, and then I’m going to hold those while you wheel me to the ocean in the.. Wheelbarrow?” Kanan says, going through the gist of what Dia’s plan is and confirming if she got it right.
Well. When she says it like that it sounds a little far fetched.
“Just let me stick to blowing up this thing so we can get you home. The sooner I do, the sooner we won’t have to worry about my father.” Dia says then she grabs the chair near its spout again.
God she does not want to continue trying to blow this thing up.
Kanan looks around through the things she has there and frowns.
“Can’t you use a tool or something to make it inflate faster? What was it you guys call it.. a pimp? pimple?”
“A pump!” Dia immediately corrects, and the idea hits her like a paddle and illuminates the lightbulb above her head. “A pump! My father probably has one around here!”
It doesn’t take Dia a lot of searching- there’s a locker at the end of the dock bay filled with assorted supplies and tools. She finds the pump almost instantly and runs back to the spot where Kanan waits with the Britney Spears chair. Her face lights up as she sees the pump in Dia’s hands.
“You did have one!” She exclaims.
“Of course! What real fishing business would have a ship dock without an air pump?”
Well, Dia isn’t really sure if it’s necessary to have an air pump for fishing boats, but she’s certainly glad her father and his coworkers thought it was good to keep around.
She gets back to work, finding the little spout where a pump may go, and this time she has one. She connects the pump to the spout before she realises that this is in fact.. a manual pump. Dia almost wants to cry, but she holds it in as she steps onto the small plastic sides, bends over slightly (a lot) to reach the handle and starts pumping with all her strength. And sure enough the pump is more effective than the previous method.
Kanan is watching, the amusement evident in her face as Dia struggles with both balance and rhythm on the manual pump. Human inventions sure was something. But the speed the Britney Spears was inflating at slowed down significantly as Dia’s arms gave in faster than a moth to light.
Why was I a fool in school for cutting gym?! Dia can’t believe it, but she almost feels more out of breath using the pump than she was using her lungs as her arms burns with every movement she makes.
‘’Can I give it a try?’’ Kanan asks a little cheekily as she splashes some more water around with her tail fin.
Dia wants to say no, like the prideful stubborn adult that she is, but the mental image in her brain tells her yes, the mermaid’s arms are strong, with big and defined biceps and getting to see those arms work it... if Dia was a roasted tomato in the past, she’s a marshmallow on fire about to get charred to death right now.
‘’Y-you may,’’ is all Dia can manage as she steps off the pump and moves it closer to the edge for Kanan to reach.
Kanan pulls herself up onto the wooden floor as best as she can, her upper body now out of the water. She bends her tail fin and rests carefully on the dock, the tips of her fin slightly covered by the waters below them. Kanan grabs the handle of the pump and lifts it up, pulling it with ease. She looks a bit surprised at how easy it was and she can’t help but smirk when she pushes her arms forward with just as much ease. She repeats these motions and Dia watches, helplessly and with a bit of envy at how easy it is for the mermaid to pump up this chair. Something that should be absolutely no problem for a slightly athletic human such as herself.
But Dia can’t stop staring. She watches as the mermaid’s flexes her very defined and strong muscle in her upper arms, and how her biceps look even bigger and stronger than they did in the water the first time Dia saw them. If Dia was just any undignified barbaric creature she might’ve been drooling right about now, but Dia had some self control, after all she was a Kurosawa, she had some dignity still left in her as she wipes the corner of her mouth real quick just in case. (When Kanan can’t’ see.)
Good thing It isn’t long before the inflatable object begins to form into the shape its meant to be and in no time at all it’s finished. Dia stops Kanan from pushing a last pump of air into it. She takes out the pump, closes up the spout and then she begins to admire their handy work.
“What.. is it?” Kanan asks, leaning towards it and poking it tentatively, a bit shocked from how sturdy the plastic is.
“A chair.” Dia answers simply.
“A chair.” Kanan repeats, staring at the words “Britney Spears” that are along the back of its purple and glittery design with lots of flowers. “It certainly is. Something.”
She turns herself towards Dia, almost directly beside her on the dock. Dia’s eyes gaze down just the slightest bit and she notices her hand is just one small slip away from touching Kanan’s. She wonders if Kanan is cold all the time, considering where she lives. Or maybe her hands would be warm from the work she did pumping up the chair. Would they be slimey, or just wet? Would they feel perfect with her fingers intertwined between hers, or maybe even better with them holding her around the waist in the tightest embra-
Dia shakes her head and smacks her cheeks and it startles Kanan ever so slightly. She tilts her head and looks bewildered at Dia and the eldest Kurosawa daughter decides they need to move out now before her mind travels to more dangerous thoughts and imaginations.
“I’ll be right back.” she says, preparing to stand, “It’s time we get you out of here and back to the ocean.”
Once Dia is on her feet again she leaves to go find the wheelbarrow where she parked it. It doesn’t take her long to find it and wheel it back over to Kanan, her own arms really getting a workout tonight, but the wheels on the wheelbarrow sure made it possible even for Dia.
Thankfully Dia had prepared enough by already filling the wheelbarrow with water with the help of a friend, the water hose that the workers would wash the different equipment with. Now all they would have to do was get Kanan into it.
When Dia comes into view again Kanan’s curiosity is sparked, this wheelbarrow looked so heavy, yet Dia seemed to be able to push it around just fine. Human inventions didn’t seem all that bad, they were quite amazing.
‘’So that is a wheelbarrow? It’s amazing, it makes it possible even for you to move really heavy things!’’ Kanan beams with that smile plastering her face whenever she learns something new and exciting, and Dia, Dia is insulted, and gay, and its unfair because Kanan was so dang cute even when she was being so blunt.
‘’Yes, now we just need to get you into it. Do you think you can lift yourself into it?’’ Dia asks, pushing the wheelbarrow as close to Kanan as she can.
‘’Maybe,’’ Kanan grabs onto the edge of the side of the wheelbarrow, slowly lifting her upper body off the wooden dock and into the wheelbarrow. When it starts to wiggle slightly Dia throws herself over the opposite site, and with some teamwork and spilled water Kanan finally makes it into the wheelbarrow.
Now with her her ‘butt’ submerged in what water was still left in the wheelbarrow Kanan lets out small giggle that turns into a full on laugh as she wiggles her tail that’s hanging off the edge in a small celebration. ‘’Dia we did it!’’
Doki doki, Dia’s heart almost stops there and then, how can this mermaid keep amazing her like this, this was bad for Dia’s health in more ways than one as she forgets how to breath when the mermaids laugh plays in her head and she soaks up the picture perfect 4K HD smile worthy of an Oscar to go along with it. Keep it together Dia, you still have a mission to complete!
But god did it take all of her not to clutch her chest at the sight. She needed to cover this girl up! Without warning she bends down to pick up a folded up beach towel and throws it over the part of Kanan’s fin that drapes on the outside the wheelbarrow. Then she throws a hat on top of her head and before Kanan can register anything else, sunglasses are shoved perfectly in place on her face.
She then turns to the blown up chair and furrows her brow. It might be a bit inconvenient transporting it this way now that Dia looks at it, but what’s done is done. She turns to Kanan for a moment, blushing in slight embarrassment as she speaks.
“H-hold onto this.” she says, grabbing the inflated chair and resting the practically weightless object onto the mermaids lap. The amount of times she's stuttered tonight is preposterous and the sooner Kanan is back at home in the ocean, the sooner she won't be suffering from being too gay to function.
Dia soon moves to the back of the wheelbarrow and with a little bit of effort, she lifts up the handles and pushes forward. The additional weight proves to be a bit of a surprise and she lurches forward, Kanan almost dropping the chair and more water spilling in the process. Kanan laughs lightheartedly while Dia tries not to trip over herself and onto the mermaid. She’s already been embarrassing enough.
After a couple trials and errors Dia finally grasps how to control the wheelbarrow with a mermaid and inflatable chair inside it. After a couple nasty sharp turns she’s out of the ships docking bay and into the evening light, the sun a deep orange and reflecting a beautiful array of colours into the sky. A perfect time for a mermaid send off if she’s honest.
She maneuvers carefully towards the beach, having a bit more difficulty the moment the wheelbarrows tire goes from solid ground to sand. Dia huffs and puts a bit more effort into it, lifting Kanan up higher and using more force from her legs to push forward. She notices Kanan’s sideways glance to look at her but she forces her gaze to stay away from that deep purple gaze. In the light of the setting sun they’re almost a wineish red colour and it’s such a distracting gaze it’s taking all of Dia not to make direct eye contact with her.
With a bit of success (Kanan caught her gaze three times and with each time she did, her eyes crinkled upward) she finally reaches the water. She drops the wheelbarrow and moves to the side of it, grabbing the chair off of Kanan’s lap. She then removes the hat, sunglasses and towel, leaving them all in a small neat pile not to far away. She can hear Kanan shifting by the sloshing sounds of the water beneath her butt in the wheelbarrow. She’s eager to get back into the ocean and back home.
Her heart aches a bit, knowing this is it. This may very well be the last time Dia will ever see Kanan again. She knows it’s a little to early to think about this but knowing there’s only a bit more time left with the cryptid does hurt. Dia would have loved to see her again and again, to learn about Kanan’s world under the sea and in turn tell Kanan tales about her life on land. There’s so many more things Dia wants to experience with this mermaid. She wishes with all her heart that they had more time together.
She takes a deep breath and taps her cheeks lightly. The angsty sadness can wait until later- right now the mission was almost at it’s end. Kanan needs to be back in the ocean where she’s safe and Dia won’t let her wait any longer. She turns back to the mermaid and hopes that she can’t see the sadness in her eyes.
“Alright Kanan, are you ready?”
Kanan’s smile becomes a toothy grin and she nods.
“Let’s do this Dia!”
‘’Here goes!!’’
Dia lifts the handles of the wheelbarrow again, there was only a whole three or four meters of sand left separating Kanan from the ocean. One big breath and Dia pushes forward with what’s left of her strength. Was the wheelbarrow always this heavy? Was it Dia’s fatigue? Was it just the sadness weighing down on her in the last moment? She can’t think about that— she’s almost there!
The front wheel, the only wheel, on the wheelbarrow touches the water.
That’s when it happens. The wave crashes into the front of the wheelbarrow and Dia’s life is flashing before her eyes as she loses her balance, her feet slip on the sand, the wheelbarrow falls over like humpty dumpty toppling off his brick wall. They were so close.. yet Kanan goes crashing down into the wet sand and that is the last thing Dia sees before she gets a mouthful of wet sand herself.
Dia’s head hurts, but the splashing sound she hears as she opens her eyes again, could it be? Did Kanan make it into the ocean after all? She rolls over and pushes herself into a sitting position, focusing her eyes on the last spot she saw Kanan in and, she is still there, splashing at the edge of the water where waves meet sand, like the most majestic Magikarp Dia’s ever seen.
‘’Kanan are you okay!?’’ The distress in Dia’s voice was strong.
When all Dia can hear is coughing, almost like someone dying she gets even more worried and scrambles on her arms and knees over to the mermaid.
Kanan stops splashing around, calming down slowly as she looks at Dia’s face. She inches closer slowly.
‘’I’m fine Dia,” she insists with a giggle, ”I couldn’t stop laughing my fins off when we both fell.”
Just the thought of it makes her laugh again and Dia almost swoons. A smile grows on her face and she shakes her head. Kanan seems okay and that relieves her, but the grainy texture and taste of salt and sea water still coats a bit of the inside of her mouth and she turns away from the mermaid to spit what remains back onto the ground where it belongs.
There’s a bigger splash and it causes Dia to turn around. She notices Kanan has pulled herself deeper into the water, not quite fully submerged. The dorsal fin and parts of the back of her tail rise from the wave as it settles over Kanan and she keeps herself upright with her forearms. It looks as if she’s pushing herself into the wave and she lets out a content sigh when she sees another coming her way. She’s distracted if only for a moment and then realizes she should probably get ready to set out to sea with her. She swallows a bit nervously.
“W-wait! Kanan don’t go too far yet!” She calls, pushing herself onto her feet and rushing back to the sand. She grabs the inflatable chair (or attempts, it takes her a solid two times to get a good hold of it thanks to the fall) and the paddle and heads back towards the waves. She silently prays they pumped the chair up with enough air to keep it afloat while she accompanies Kanan deeper into the waters.
Once Dia has everything in a solid grip she sprints as fast as her legs can take her towards the ocean in a Baywatch run, except less graceful as the chair almost slips from her grip and every step is a battle against gravity, and how Dia wishes she could just defy it like a green Idina Menzel. The struggle was real, yet she manages to reach the edge of the water with both the Britney Spears chair and the paddle without any more accidents.
Kanan swims freely in the shallow parts of the water close to the beach, keeping a close eye on her human friend and her Britney Spears chair. When Dia had made it somewhat properly into the water, sitting unsteady on her inflatable chair Kanan swims up to her, circling her like prey. Not that Kanan has any plans on eating Dia, but it isn’t too far off from looking like a Jaws parody.
It’s when Kanan bumps the chair playfully enough that Dia gets really unsteady, her paddling uncoordinated and more of a wild splashing with her arms as she wants to cry again. The mermaid’s like a playful sea puppy and Dia’s fearing for her life, yet she can’t stop the way her heart beats out of her chest at how cute Kanan is, even if said very heckin cute mermaid is about to commit involuntary manslaughter.
“Kanan! Stop- that’s unsafe!” Dia says as she slowly realizes the two of them are drifting into the ocean more and more. The dread sets in as all of Dia’s easy escapes from the waves are virtually gone. Soon she’s going to be all the way out in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a paddle and an inflatable chair to keep her company and then the chair will deflate and before she knows it she’ll be swimming for three days before she finally-
“AAH!” Dia screams as a large wave is splashed onto her and the cold shocks her to her core.
“Sorry! It was the only way to bring you back to me.” Kanan says, though the expression on her face is more like ‘you weren’t paying attention and I wanted to punish you for that.’ The expression is lost when she notices Dia looks a little.. pale.
“Dia? Are you okay?” she asks, lifting her hands up onto the plastic and holding onto the arm of the chair, “Did my splash scare you that much?”
The concern in Kanan’s voice is surprised and she look very apologetic. Her eyes give it all away— those beautiful eyes. Fuck, the setting sun just has to make them even prettier than they were before. Dia takes a deep breath before speaking.
“The truth is I didn’t bring all of this as a..protection thing.”
“Well, that was a little obvious.”
“What?!”
“I mean,” Kanan smiles lightheartedly and gestures to the tiny paddle, “A paddle like that will get you nowhere. Literally.”
Dia’s tempted to throw it at Kanan’s stupidly gorgeous face but opts not to, instead lifting her hands up to cover her face so Kanan can’t see the extremely ripe tomato she’s about to become. Would Kanan possibly believe she got sunburnt fast?
“Seriously though,” Kanan begins again and Dia peers through her fingers to look down at her. That piercing wine coloured gaze stares at her with worry, “What’s wrong Dia? Are you okay?”
And for some reason, the embarrassment floods away. Dia doesn’t feel as nervous about admitting the truth to her. She lowers her hands and diverts her gaze to the waves that reflect the light of the lowering sun.
“I… am not the best swimmer. That is to say I, Dia Kurosawa, cannot swim. I never really learnt how and I never thought I would really need to. A little silly, when you see what kind of business my family owns and runs and-”
“Is that all?!” Kanan asks a little bewildered, cutting the brunette off from her rambling.
“Wha-” Dia narrows her gaze, perplexed. “What do you mean ‘is that it’?! This is a big deal! We’re getting deeper and deeper and soon I won’t be able to-”
“Dia. Stay with me, okay?” Kanan puts a reassuring hand onto her wrist, smiling up at the nervous girl. “You just happen to be in the middle of the ocean with one of the worlds cryptic wonders who happens to be a very talented swimmer.”
Dia wants to scoff at Kanan’s attempt of a joke but instead she just frowns at the mermaid.
“I don’t see how that’s supposed to be reassuring. You’re the good swimmer here, not me.”
“What I mean is I can show you the basics. I’ve never taught a human how to swim before but I’ve seen them swimming numerous times. If you could slide into the water, I’ll show you what I mean.”
Kanan holds out her hand and looks at Dia with a gentle, inviting smile. She doesn’t remove her gaze from the nervous girl and there’s a calming aura about her— one completely different from the playful sea puppy like vibe she gave earlier. Dia doesn’t need to linger on the thought as she reaches her hand towards Kanan’s and slips it together with hers, trusting the mermaid and her words and shifting.
With a warm, excited smile Kanan holds out her other hand, gesturing for Dia to take that one as well. She does slowly, eyeing Kanan carefully. The mermaid pushes herself back a little, having to outstretch her arms alongside Dia just a bit. “I’ve got you, Dia. Slide off of the Britney Spears and into the water with me.”
Dia makes a sound of objection at Kanan’s statement but it’s nothing more than an offended sounding gasp as Kanan gives her a tiny tug forward and Dia slides into the cold water. She inhales sharply and just as the fear is setting in, Kanan squeezes her hands, bringing her back to the present and back to their current time.
“It’s okay Dia! You’re staying afloat and I’ve got you! I won’t let you drown!”
Dia’s fingers grip onto Kanan tightly and the mermaid continues to reassure her that she will be okay. She can’t think about much as Kanan instructs and guides her to kick her legs ever so slightly. when she does her body lifts and Kanan swims backwards just a bit, still holding onto her hands.
“I won’t let go- keep kicking! This is how humans do it to move forward!”
“I-I understood that!” Dia retorts flustered, but doing as told. She kicks her feet and proceeds to move forward, but not on her own. Kanan swims backward with each movement Dia makes forward. It’s nice and it’s good and Dia hates to admit how this one on one lesson with the mermaid has made swimming much easier for her.
They swim like this for a bit, Kanan guiding Dia and moving them around the water. The more Dia gets used to holding Kanan’s hands, the less she wants to let go. She’s completely content to stay here if it meant holding onto the hand of the most beautiful being in the world. Kanan’s smile is soft and Dia can’t help but return it.
It’s then Kanan pulls Dia close, letting go of her hands very briefly and instead wrapping her arms around the form of the other girl, pulling her close and hugging her tight. Dia blinks in surprise but doesn’t object to the motion, only taking in the fact that she can feel the contrast of soft skin and scales against her. They feel just like a sharks, they’re rough one way, yet smooth when she brushes her hand the other way. She blushes slightly, holding onto Kanan in return.
“Dia, I wanted to thank you. For everything you’ve done.” Kanan begins in a soft voice, her arms wrapped around Dia. “You risked a lot to help me get back home and without you I really couldn’t have done it.”
Dia pulls away enough to meet Kanan’s gaze and she feels like she could melt. The silence is prolonged and Dia decides to speak.
“It’s nothing Kanan. It really isn’t.” She replies in an equally soft tone. “When I saw you I couldn’t just… let you stay there. You needed to be back here- back where it’s safest for you. As much as I would love to see you all the time, it wouldn’t be right for anyone to keep you locked away in some kind of aquarium tank or boat bay or.. or anything where you’re not free.”
Kanan’s gaze softens a bit and she smiles. There’s a playful glint in her eye and she lifts one of her hands up, brushing some wet strands of hair behind Dia’s ear. Dia almost leans into the touch of her hand but resists.
“Did you know that humans have interesting tales about the magical properties of a mermaid’s tear?” Kanan asks, keeping her eyes on Dia.
Dia blinks and shakes her head.
“No- not at all.” She admits honestly.
“Well- it’s a myth. Mermaid’s tears have no more magic than the tears of a human.” She explains, but leans her face a bit closer to her. “However they aren’t too far off. Mermaids do have something magical about them, but it’s not our tears.”
Dia is a bit perplexed and before she can ask Kanan what it is, Kanan’s arm falls and she pulls Dia close and without warning, she pulls the girl underwater. Dia’s scream is muffled, but not by water rushing into her lungs. Her eyes are screwed shut and she’s very much aware of something soft pressing to her lips.
She opens her eyes once the presence leaves and without thinking about it she inhales the sea water. Her hands shoot up to her mouth out of reflex but it’s only then she realizes that she isn’t choking. She looks to Kanan -who stays only inches away from her- and notices the tiny blush on her cheeks and the crooked grin on her face.
“A mermaid’s kiss can do many things, like giving a human the ability to breathe underwater for a small period of time.” She says, lifting her hands up to Dia’s cheeks and holding her face gently in the palms of her hands. “And this will be my gift to you, so we can enjoy our swim together for just a little bit longer. ”
Dia’s heart flips and she smiles as she moves her hand to find Kanan’s, intertwining their fingers together and letting the mermaid pull her along underneath the water’s surface.
#Love Live! Sunshine!!#Kanan Matsuura#Dia Kurosawa#KanaDia#love live sunshine#love live! school idol festival#Kanan#Dia#nox writes#Did Dia drown? we just dont know.#this is the first time I write fanfic be gentle
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18th May ‘94
Molly,
Thanks for your exhibition prints. I’ve sold a few off the counter, the deer ones are popular. Still find it funny that people opt for the cuter kind, even if the forest frolickers are dead, although when one woman came in to buy a wallet for her husband and I told her the deer was a taxidermy she didn’t seem as eager to look around much more! Shame, that. Tried to tell her half the cost went to the RSPCA but she didn’t buy it. I’ll see if Alex wants one. Have you sent some to Tommy? He’d like the mouse driving the car (that’s him, right...?)
I would say ‘same old’ here if it was true but it’s not. The bloke I work with, Rob, the one who thought it would be a grand idea to throw Alex’s surprise birthday bash, he hasn’t shown up for work in a couple days and he won’t pick up his phone. I could joke that it was Alex’s doing but at this point with the way he’s become such a recluse I wouldn’t put it past him. Maybe they eloped? Not that they have any reason to, didn’t catch on to anything like that. Not that you’d care, obviously (ha ha). I shouldn’t joke about it, though. Rob’s somewhere we don’t know...or at least I don’t know. Thank god Alex is responding even if it’s minimal. I asked him if he knew anything and he said he didn’t. At the moment it’s a mystery to us but I’m not sure if Rob’s family have managed to get in contact, or if he has any family to worry over him, there’s a lot of characters like that around here.
Don’t be a stranger, even if you have all the critics climbing all over eachother just to glance at your face. Are you really going to try and pull the Banksy thing?
Much love,
Seb
P.S. Have you installed your dial-up yet? Data’s quicker to send than paper.
21 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Beep, beep ... nnNNRRHH
Happy to see you’ve joined the legion of the world wide web! I know a lot of people complain about the noise but it doesn’t sound much different to what we used to listen to. You haven’t sold your original 20 Jazz Funk Greats, have you? Not sure it would even rake in much with what we drew all over the back, unless you or Alex get put in the Tate. With the way you’re going I wouldn’t say it’s a far way off! Also need more of those prints! Running low. You’re a popular girl here :) -- that’s called a smiley.
As for the Earnshaw Update: he’s as much a hermit as your sister used to be when she started getting into The Cure. I don’t know what instigated it but he’s only been reachable by phone since his birthday, and only at night. I’ve tried dropping in but his door’s been shut tight and I don’t know where he keeps the emergency key. You should try talking to him (I can resend his address if you’ve lost it, he hasn’t got internet yet). That’s if I can’t tide him over by telling him you’ve got a gift, next time he picks up... if he does. Sorry, that sounds very doom and gloom. I really am worried about him, if only because he hasn’t been in this kind of stasis since... well.
Please get back to me as soon as you can.
Much love,
Seb
23 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: He’s alive!
Did you send that print to him? I came by his place tonight and he answered after the first knock! Smiling as ever. He felt colder than a Yorkshire winter, though, and pale. I told him I could help with the gas bill if he needed it but he waved me off. We went out to one of those clubs where everyone is in fishnets and knock-off McQueen, which is nothing new, but they were playing that new MTV gothic stuff, the kind he said he hated -- could be broadening his horizons. I lost him for a bit but he found his way back, he’s somehow easy to distinguish from the crowd now (for me that is, imagine it’s always been the case with you, ha ha!)
He also told me that Rob went on a spontaneous break to Rome. Rob in Rome! And that I’d be getting a “confirmation of assumin’ such responsibilties required of a leather shoppe owner, as well as the salary”. Alex and him were closer than I thought.
It’s all looking up here. What’s happening with you? Apart from the Guardian editorial, you don’t tell me much apart from work!
Much love,
Seb
27 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Concerned again.
I don’t mean to ignore the other topics covered in our ditties but Al has gone Weird. I know he always has been, in that ‘cool cousin’ kind of way but now he’s just... I don’t know. He’s practically nocturnal. There’s more and more stuff popping up in his wardrobe that he used to say was a ‘fuckin’ disgrace of shite taste’ -- the chokers! There must be about ten discarded around his whole place. I’ve seen some of his paintings too and they’re dark, as in David Lynch meets Goya’s black paintings, I mean they’re good -- really good -- but it just seems excessive.
Worst of all, he keeps mentioning Ricky. Since the accident he’s been fairly healthy with talking about it but now it seems like he’s got this growing obsession with ‘what it all meant, his death’, I don’t even know what Alex meant by that.Then he’ll ask me where I think Ricky is now and honestly I don’t know, I don’t like to think about it. I just keep saying ‘somewhere warm’ because it seems like Alex needs the comfort. I don’t know if what happened to Ricky got to him more than he let on before, or if he was too preoccupied at the time with making sure I didn’t do anything drastic. Was I that needy?
I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to suggest either. Sorry to end on such a downer of a note.
Love,
Seb
1 June 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Dire.
I don’t know him anymore, Molly. When we don’t go out he just wants to talk about Ricky with me, like I’m a proxy for some kind of loss he’s going through. But I don’t know what loss that is -- you? It’s the only comparison I can think of. I feel like the kid stuck between two divorced parents with you two sometimes. Except he avoids talking about you all together and if I do bring you up, like how you were moving back to London, he just looks down, rubs his beard... a new habit.
(Beard, yeah. I forgot to tell you because it was a really gradual transition at the time that I didn’t notice, but he has this Jesus thing going for him. Before, I didn’t think much of it but now it’s like an inherent look he should have been born with, innate? I could never imagine him looking like it but now it’s hard to imagine him looking any different.)
Anyway, beards aside. He’s getting... creepy. When we’re not drinking he just wants to postulate on death and ‘what comes after’, he’s a right fucking misery to be around. Although I haven’t seen him drink much at all, do you think he’s on drugs or something? It’s the only conclusion I can come up with, and I don’t have anyone else to ask about this because they’re all in the same scene he is.
Please reply soon.
Seb
2 June 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: -
Okay there are some things I’ve witheld for a long time because I didn’t want to cause you any unnecessary pain. As much as I know you say you’re fine it’s never a gift to hear these things but I feel it has a lot to do with how Alex is now.
After we moved to SF he started seeing this woman who I didn’t see much of myself,, she set me on edge but I can understand how he was drawn to her because I think it was mainly a sex thing to get over you. I told yu before that he was a catastrophic mess after you left and things got better but when I say catastrophic mess I really mean it, I won’t state examples because I dont mean to make you feel guilty Molly but it’s the truth and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I didnt want to make uyo worry because i know you;re already dealing with enough already, and i didnt want this matter in particular to be especially distressing for you. But I think alex and this woman were into heavy stuff - not drugs but maybe that too. We went out while he was with this girl, in January, I think? it was to one of those fetish clubs, wasn’t my thing. But he left me there alone without telling me he was leaving, hhe left with the girl and didn’t even leave me a voicemail. I got home fine, couldn’t sleep though. But then I went over to check on him in the morning and his back was covered in gashes and blood. he didnt wake up but he was breathing. i didn’t know what to do, i pretended i never walked in and he called me soon after to apologise for the night but i wouldnt say anything about his back because i thought it was a bdsm thing but with the way hes acting now i dont know if he was being abused? I dont know the telltale signs, just that he’d follow this woman around like she had him on a leash.
There are still parts of him I recognise but there’s something about him which feels out of touch, like he’s not the same person but trying to be. I dont know how to put it, maybe I’ve been away from someone who can actually talk about these problems for too long
The thing is I havent seen him with this woman in a while, since his birthday I’d say. Despite it he seems a lot happier now than when he was with her (apart from the Ricky fixation) but he’s gone full blown Byronic Bohemian. He’s invited me out almost every day in the past week and since this was an improvement from locking himself inside, I tried to go as much as I could. Each time I’d lose him for a while because he’d gone off with a girl . He thinks he’s being discreet but I’m not much of a dancer for these places so all there’s left to do is watch. Sometimes he goes home with them and offers to pay me for a taxi, which is a step up from leaving me stranded, I’ll give him that.
I know I shouldn’t have but I looked through his art yesterday (his emergency key is in a broken light on a wall outside his door), not his stuff under the bed but in his wardrobe. There’s five entire sketchbooks of you, some of the drawings are so beautiful, he still remembers how you look exactly but in others they just seem... off? Not that they don’t look like you because they do, even if it’s a few strokes, but for someone who knows you they just look like he;s trying to put through what he is now onto you? I don’t know. that doesnt make sense.Then there are some Ricky drawings in there too but I don’t want to talk about them. he writes stuff around you and Ricky, dates and places and random lines like ‘snake chokes on its own tail’ and ‘saw him around Seb’s’. I think he’s scared of losing parts of himself and not being able to get them back.
Please talk to him Molly , you know his number and email . I know you think you’ll do him more harm than good but I don’t know what to say, if I point out how he’s acting weird he just resorts to deflective humour ‘it’s all part of being a la Americana now’. But I’m worried if I push it he’ll get angry. Sometimes I don’t feel safe with him and I don’t know why. Please reach him, I miss him, nothing’s right with Alex like this. I’m getting homesick because there’s nothing here that seems real anymore, everything feels like I’m watching it through a TV screen and it’s muted, or the music’s too loud to hear what people are really saying. I don’t want to leave Alex alone but I feel like I’m in a coma here.
Do you think I could stay with you for a while?
Love always,
Seb
#▏🌹 ▪ VANITAS.#▏▪ HEADCANON.#[IDK WHAT TO tag this as rn . .#its long .. . longest thing ive written on this blog and its not from alexs perspectiv.e..#I DONT HAVE much to comment abt it im tired. ..#just a biffle's view of alexs days after his Death . .]
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Im sure that this will all fall on deaf ears, but if you are someone who is willing to accept a different point of view I would encourage you to read, and critically analyze this article my english teacher assigned us because it’s SUPER relevant in fandom. If you are easily offended by someone saying ‘fiction isn’t reality’ then keep scrolling.
My own feelings on the matter are under the cut, but it’s not necessary to read.
If I get messages about how I’m painting antis in a bad picture I will kindly ask you to ready my entire analysis because clearly you did not read the full paragraph I spent on how there’s nothing wrong with being anti ‘anything’ because a lot of antis are actually pretty cool and decent people, they just really hate certain things and want those things out of their face which is not that hard of a concept to understand.
This was written in 2000. TWO-FUCKING-THOUSAND.
This shit has being going on for longer than that, but it’s still relevant. My english teacher assigned this to me tonight and I am blown away.
This is something that under-aged/teen antis and ‘protect the children’ people need to understand. Sheltering kids, and taking away violence in the media does more harm than good. There is violence in media and it is an OUTLET.
If a teen or adult does not know the difference between what is a fantasy and what is reality then they should see a specialist to help them learn the difference because their is one. Fantasy is influenced by reality, but kids, yes kids, learn very easily that things on tv are not real, and they grow up, and their interested change as they mature.
It is not wrong to be interested in or enjoy violent, harmful, or problematic fictional material because most– rational people, can look at it and say ‘This is a compelling topic to explore on a fictional character for the sake of exploratory writing/venting, but I know that in real life, this sort of thing is horrible and very wrong.’
Most people, even the ones who antis claim (Keyword being ‘claim’ because at this point everybody and their dog is considered a pedo at this point) are ‘pedos’, actually know the difference, and most of them do not even view an age gap of a few years as an issue either based on their culture or because of their own experiences, and neither do many of the survivors I have seen speak out about this discourse, or if they do, they often use it to cope with their trauma which there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. And I dont understand how so many antis can claim to be fighting for the sake of survivors and minors and then in the same breath bully those same people ABOUT THEIR TRAUMA OR THEIR AGE because they dont agree with them.
It’s fine to hate something. It’s fine to be an anti. Ive met several who are actually very open minded and level headed people, they just hold hatred or dislike for a certain fandom trend. THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE. That’s great. I have things I really dislike. Tsunderes for example. Would I consider myself anti-tsundere? Maybe. But Im not going to go out of my way to tell everyone who likes them that they’re disgusting peices of shit. Or that– in my opinion, tsunderes perpetuate a stereotype of male abuse victims being something comedic. Because??? No one who enjoys tsunderes wants to hear that? And they shouldn’t have to. And I dont CARE that other people like them– even with my opinions on it. Because THEY EXIST. AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT EXCEPT AVOID IT IN MY MEDIA VIEWING.
By all means, blog about it, connect with other people and talk your shit about it. Be angry! No one here is saying you cant. But the SECOND you decide you need to tell other people, people who have nothing to do with YOU, and who have done all they can to tag appropriately and keep their things out of your face for YOUR SAFETY– BECAUSE YOU ASKED, then you are not an anti anymore. You’re giving actual, respectable antis a bad name by using the word to hide behind as a way to bully, harass and actually physically THREATEN people. Survivors, minors, and all the other people you are claiming to ‘protect’, if they dont agree with you– they’re on your hit list.
Here’s the thing:
Violence in media is fine. Portraying it in writing, art, and any other media is FINE. It is a creative outlet. It is an escape from the realities of the world we face every day and it is NOT ALWAYS PRETTY, RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE, and it does not cater to the preferences of a bunch of children who get squicked by something and feel they need to blog about it to the whole internet like a facebook mom posting about her kale shake. No one cares. Someone’s personal work is shared on the internet as a way of expressing themselves– yes, it is subject to criticism out in the open, but a piece of artwork , no matter how you may feel about it, is not a valid reason to constantly harass, suicide bate, belittle, manipulate, THREATEN, or bully an artist, or writer or ANYBODY.
Teens on this site want people to respect them like adults. You want others to take you seriously. Do the mature thing and disengage, block what you dont wanna see, stop giving the things you despise all your emotional attention if it is so distressing to you. Stop seeking out the people who disagree with you to try and tell them they’re disgusting creatures that deserve to get raped or murdered or have their children taken away or their pet deserves to get run over for something so STUPID. Because it just makes you look like a spoiled brat who’s not getting what they want exactly how they want it. Grow up, learn how to filter yourself and the content YOU want to see. Instead of deliberately clicking something you know you’re gonna hate and then complaining about it after the fact. You were warned. Accept the responsibility of your actions
Sincerely, a young adult who is too fucking tired to hear you toddlers whining about how 17 is ‘a literal child’ because that would include yourself and I know all you shits are getting off to yaoi porn so don’t fucking even.
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Kids Don’t Want To Go On A Family Trip, So Their Parents Take Their Modem Instead
Kids Don’t Want To Go On A Family Trip, So Their Parents Take Their Modem Instead
Parenting is difficult in the 21st century. With easy access to technology, it’s harder and harder to keep your kids away from screens and get them to be active outside and with their family members. However, there is always a solution!
Like when your kids refuse to go on a fun family trip, you get rid of their internet connection by taking your modem on the trip instead. That’s exactly what Australian parents Cassie Langan and her husband did. Not only that, they took a whole bunch of photos of the modem having the time of its life. The story was so awesome, it went viral.
Bored Panda reached out to Cassie in order to hear more about her story, how her kids reacted, and what the internet’s response was like. Cassie was happy to talk to us. Scroll down for the full interview.
While we’re on the topic of tech, after you’re done with this post, why don’t you check out our in-depth article about a mom who forbids her kids from using phone and TV screens and the positive effects this has.
More info: Facebook
Two Aussie parents took their modem on a trip to the beach when two of their three kids refused to spend some quality family time together
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
According to Cassie, her husband works as a truck driver. That means that he’s on the road all week and only comes back home to his family on the weekends. Meanwhile, Cassie said that her “daughter works weekends and I work in retail, so I often work weekends too.”
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
“It’s not often that we are all home at the same time,” she noted. “So Chris and I thought we’d take the kids on a day trip to Warrnambool to go to the model train show that was on there, as hubby and the boys love trains.”
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
However, things did not go as planned: “Our 17-year-old daughter refused to go and our 10-year-old son had a tantrum listing all the reasons why it was unfair that we were making him go.”
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Cassie continued: “Our 13-year-old son was the only one who reluctantly agreed to go. In the end, we said to the kids that if they weren’t going to go, we’d take the modem instead and they said ok.”
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
When they all got back home from their trip, something magical had happened. “When we got home, our 17-year-old was so bored she actually cleaned her room and spent time with her younger brother.”
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
Image credits: Cassie Langan
“When I showed my 10-year-old the photos, he said that ‘it’s not fair, we hate him and love the modem more,’ and stormed off to his room,” Cassie told us about her children’s reactions to what happened.
“The reason I made the post public is that there is so much on social media at the moment about politics, bushfires, drought, and people having a hard time in general that I thought if my post brightened one person’s day, it would be worth it,” she said. And we’ve got to say, it’s working. It certainly brightened up our day.
“I am absolutely blown away by how many times it has been shared and the number of people who it made a difference to their day. As for my kids, after the post went viral…. they finally see the funny side.”
The story took the internet by storm
from https://dailyjokes4u.com/kids-dont-want-to-go-on-a-family-trip-so-their-parents-take-their-modem-instead/
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On Chronophobia and ADHD – RB with Hestia Peppe
RB: hey, i think i just self-diagnosed with ADHD, am i right in thinking that's something you know about? would welcome any recs you might have for reading/resources
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RB: (it would explain so muchhhh)
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RB: (also wondering about the rel between ADHD and trauma)
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HP: Oooh yes! ADHD is definitely the errr paradigm I am working with right now if that's a way to think about it.
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HP: I am actually amazed by how practically useful it has been to think in these terms.
But I will say in terms of research/resources stuff is thin on the ground and mixed up with a lot of neurocognitive research which i find quite dodgy in places, not to mention the (very american) pharmaceutical agenda.The best stuff i found has been self advocacy descriptive personal account stuff, and that has been very much a process of reading between the lines.
Basically, people with ADHD tend to at least appear quite ‘high functioning’ (not an ideal phrase because hierarchies) so go undetected often, and then its very very stigmatised, i would say, in that often symptoms or traits are judged in moral terms. The most important sort of secondary ideas i have found are about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, and anxiety as a hugely comorbid secondary issue which is more likely to be treated than the ADHD itself.
The relationship to discipline and goal-setting is formative, as is chronophobia or a traumatised relation to time, and sometimes memory. The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so process is more fulfilling than completion of work; but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.
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HP: As far as its relation to trauma goes, i would say it probably renders us more vulnerable to CPTSD. Lack of diagnosis or 'management' of ADHD leads to problematic coping mechanisms, leading possibly to abusive or addictive behaviours or on the other end vulnerability from a lack of or funky interpersonal boundaries. But whether anything is causal/symptomatic or comorbid seems always particularly hard to tell with ADHD, partly because of the non-typical relation to time.
HP: The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so [that] process is more fulfilling than completion of work, but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.
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HP: On the plus side, [my] university and NHS [practitioners] have both been really encouraging about seeking help for it and getting a psychiatric diagnosis, which i am interested in, tho will no doubt have its downsides.
Most important, i think, is that mental health problems are treated in the context of ADHD as a constitution, rather than [in isolation], and i think that would go for trauma stuff too. Apparently ADHD folks have less success with SSRIs than others.
I think a body focused/somatic approach [is] v. v. productive, for both ADHD and trauma.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria [also] seems key. It’s the idea that the emotional impact of rejection is almost irrationally high in many ADHD folks, but [then again] this may be a traumatised relation from the stigma of ADHD, and literally being reprimanded more often than neurotypical folks, rather than being an essential difference. So if there's an interaction with trauma specific to ADHD it might be related to emotional response to external stimuli being higher.
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RB: gosh, yea.
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HP: Sorry so much.
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RB: Wondering how receptive my gp would be to my requesting an adult diagnosis
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HP: My GP was like ‘yes, will refer u immediately’, but that’s with a recommendation from an Ed Psych which uni paid for. *UPDATE: NHS maybe aren’t doing this as quickly as i thought, so it remains to be seen if they follow through; and university seems to just be sending me through as many hoops as possible, lots of assessments, minimal support systems.
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RB: ok
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RB: i saw this on Twitter – ‘ADHD Explained Using Comics’ by Dani Donovan,1
and, like, so much of it is me. ,2So much. idk what chronophobia is but def. have weird relationship with time. Very weird.
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HP: I have sort of made up chronophobia but am sure its a thing.
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RB: 'comorbidity'
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RB: i feel lost in time.
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HP: It seems to me the best stuff around is DIY stuff exactly like the comics u link to
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RB: also – trouble starting anything; trouble finishing without hard external deadlines – so me.
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RB: why i never write
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HP: I think these are like the defining traits tbh
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RB: even tho i want/need to be writing
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RB: + procrastinating
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HP: Comorbidity is the creepiest word
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RB: as described ^^
HP: Same!
RB: do u medicate for it, may i ask? seems like mindfulness / meditation cld really be helpful
RB: i had an insane year on citalopram
HP: In America they see it as essential to medicate for it from a v early age but i am like v v v skeptical
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RB: sertraline seemed better
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HP: I took Prozac for 5 years; it didn’t do much except make me sleepy and a bit ok with shit life, but for ADHD it’s Ritalin or Vyvanse, so treatment with low constant dose of stimulants (*sometimes also something called dopamine blockers, but I don't know the details).
RB: ok; so, like coffee? just on my risky 2nd cup.
HP: I dont myself want this prescription.
HP: Am sure mindfulness etc v. good, but i do think body-focused methods best.
RB: ok
HP: I read this Twitter by Erynn Brook (sp?), and she advocates meds but also talks a lot about building in good coping mechanisms like how you organise yrsrlf in space/time in ways that work for u.
RB: yea; more interested in strategy
HP: So yeah strategy v. key.
RB: hey thanks so much, also in as much as i may unconsciously have posited u as gatekeeper. couldn’t have hoped for a more helpful reply.
HP: No worries! It’s good talking to other people about it cos the grand narrative of it is well shaky
HP: One thing i have worked out is that it’s all just emerging now so u can’t really gatekeep it, thank fuck. Glad to be helpful always. Check out Erynn Brook and remember being kind to yourself cos probably u havent been being if u just got to this point.
[time passes]
RB: hey, i'd really like to hear a bit more about your thinking on chronophobia;
it stayed with me as a strong motif. felt so 'full' when you said it it took me a while to realise i hadn't asked u to describe it.
HP: Yes I would love to see you and talk about all this stuff. I have thoughts tjoughts thought ... Google searching ‘Chronophobia’ brings up this book from MIT about art in the 60s:
https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/chronophobia. It appears to be also a term in use in psychology/self help; is in wiktionary, and appears to mean the obvious: fear of the passing of time. Associations with incarcerated people, particularly, suffering from it and also anyone suffering from heightened stress and anxiety. Searching chronophobia + ADHD, there are plenty of hits, so, again, this seems a well-made connection. I’m also thinking about ‘Chrononormativity’, an idea i was first introduced to by my friend Helen Stuhr Rommereim, and which I think she gets from Elizabeth Freeman (possibly via Lauren Berlant), in relation to ‘queer time’ or a failure to achieve normative milestones in the time allotted, such as maturity, childbearing, marriage. Her paper on this is included in the documentation of a conference about Chris Kraus we both attended in 2013, which is where we met as we were on the same panel. 3
HP: Context in my work right now – all of this to do with ideas about speculation, past/present/future, chance/fate, resistance to goal/plan/target, not knowing what to do.
I’m currently doing some early/cursory research into the mythology of the fates (Ancient Greek and other cultures) as spinners, and thread as line; trying to parse linearity and how it might or might not relate to neurodivergence/neurotypicality. I like lines as a way of following or tracing, and also drawing as well as writing –thinking a lot about the work of Renee Gladman, who is interested in architecture and fiction (prose architectures), and works with drawing and writing and the relation between the two – so, also automatic and asemic writing. I also think a lot about Ariadne’s red thread in the labyrinth, and now that i am trying to learn to spin, how all threads are made of many tiny ones. This trying to spin has grown out of an old durational performance work i have done for years – so, durational performance, as a form, is part of this, maybe, for me. I always like the durational form, as it is more about setting up boundaries in space and then letting time happen than [it is about] existing in linear time. Chronophobia as anxiety about mortality, and control, or volition/agency; or the trace of subjectivity in the world (cf maybe tim ingold). Also, there are two types of time in the classical sense: Kairos (the now) and Chronos (history), or something like that. None of this is fact-checked, I must say.Tarot cards relating to time are: wheel of fortune, temperance, death, the hanged man.
HP: Not sure i am doing this right, but thought some context to the earlier conversation might be useful for orientation, at the same time as thinking about my own self-diagnosis of ADHD and how it relates to knowledge and action and intention and access. Not sure if you saw this on my Twitter, but I thought it was a very good overview of neurodiversity discourse as it stands: https://www.janinebooth.com/content/two-and-half-cheers-neurodiversity
RB: Thanks. You’re doing this very right, I’d say. Like somewhere back in the transcript there is a ‘gosh, yea’ of mine which stands in as a marker for the point at which my mind was blown, began to make new neural connections, bathed in a sort of speechless radiant awe for what you said; and this feels the same only more so, galaxy brain in mandelbrot – only grounded in and by your efforts to verbalise it and connect it with your work and that of others. That this is what you’re working on for your doctorate – I am awed and excited to know it. I would really like to be present when you perform. I’m really impressed by your articulation. I feel such a relieved shock of recognition for chronophobia as you describe it, as something I had begun to acknowledge and articulate internally, but never outside myself, verbally or otherwise; nor had any inkling that it might be tangled up with ADHD ... nor that it is something other people experience or know about, nor that you are working on it in this profound way. I feel less alone and am honoured that you shared this here with us.
RB: Also – ehheh! I saw today that we both liked this tweet
RB: Another highlight, for me, of today’s feed –
RB: I’m always keen for writers’ writing on technique, scanning in case I find a key there to my own outward articulacy and/or the means to vanquish distraction/avoidance. Just remembered when the poet Lucy Mercer said to me that as a writer, I’m a weaver. I was happy with that then and I am happy with it here, in this context. 4
HP: Hey! This is all so kind of you to say I am sort of overwhelmed. I can't believe i have even been paid for this already, so shout out to that. I made up chronophobia because i wanted a way to describe my fear of time. I dont think it was really to talk to anyone else about it. I looked it up afterwards when I mentioned it to you I guess i have really let you have it with the inner monologue. I looked it up after I mentioned it to you. I figured that this had, you know, happened before, that other people would already be using this word. And they are. As a sort of intra-post-script, it is important to say that in terms of ADHD I came to this knowledge or understanding after like 12 years working as a private tutor, and without the students I worked with in that time I don’t see how I would have got to this articulation, so immense gratitude and respect to them for the thinking we did together about how thinking and learning work for different people.
HP: I was going to email you and ask for a deadline today but in the end i didn't write any emails because i was just spinning yarn on the wheel. It’s an amazing process learning to do it. Like a truly never-has-to-end embodied action. I think it could be the best way to replace some obsessive Twitter scrolling. My dad totally gets it. He says singing while spinning, that's the thing, he's heard. I learnt how to learn things from him mostly. I think maybe both my folks have ADHD. It’s supposed to be super heritable.
HP: My mum's a doctor. That's maybe where I get the cavalier attitude to discussing stuff like this you are supposed to be an expert to be allowed to think about. I am absolutely not an expert except perhaps of my own experience. Which this is, but but i push it, i know that. tho I don’t want the meds, I absolutely want to stress i am not like totally against meds. Chemicals are fine and good. Like coffee or you know whatever works. I am just in favour of people being given the best possible understanding of any treatment they undergo. I feel like i wanna unwind my own coping mechanisms like manually. Maybe that's a perk of late diagnosis – for me, anyway.
HP: I have to stop now. I am in a park and it’s dark now. I was sitting in the park cos i was an hour early to get a lift from my friend because i was so worried about being late. It’s perfect timing though. If you like sitting in parks watching orange street-lamps through blossom as if they are the sunset like some kinda shook moth. Which I do. And then type super fast into a phone cos you know someone asked.
HP: Thanks xx
RB: <3
RB: Thank you
1 – https://Twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1100414551932030984
2
3 (http://www.metamute.org/editorial/books/you-must-make-your-death-public-collection-texts-and-media-work-chris-kraus )
4 mercer | ˈməːsə | noun British, chiefly historical a dealer in textile fabrics, especially silks, velvets, and other fine materials. (Oxford English Dictionary Version 2.3.0 (203.16.12))
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