#i dont even know like ANYTHING about Tim it should NOT bother me this much. but it does. it does bother me this much

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Wild how when I comes to fanon I mostly only complain about what they do to Tim Drake. I don't even care about that guy. I don't even know who that guy is

[theinfectedtim]

This is gonna sound harsh and thats fine

You care too much

This isnt meant in the nothing matters way. Things will happen and even if you could do something then so what, the world will continue regardless.

Nothing matters so whatever, the world continues.

Stop caring and just do stuff, the world continues and so should you

The worries is time wasted, something so little you could spend it better

Caring too much again

Whats stopping you from taking that step

Worries mostly, useless things never helped you with anything

Made you lash out

Stop trying to forget, dont focus on remembering just let it be no changing it

Keep trying to focus on actions, worry about what others might thing or react, dont want them to react but want them to give praise? Aknowledge?

Stop caring just do take the plunge stop holding your strings up

Change is good, mind can change, not a rock rocks can change a pillar for others hollow mask obvious and brittle falls away want to do good but what

But what

Be too harsh not harsh enough

Too harsh

Taken it slow for long enough

Scared of close to you seeing and the illusion breaking

Its okay

Just care less about those things, find joy and the escapes shouldnt replace this here

Stories to replace the this to escape? To fix? Small fixes too things steps to far too important too things you cant change

Baby steps, own steps own way

The labels are stupid

Who is you and what part are they is from them

When did you lose you

Its been an escape for so long

Too many worries, worries kept you from doing stupid stuff, made you do stupid stuff

The selfhate was stupid

Never understood others them, always stories

Started when left the place

Always infected, others aswell tim mostly

Tiffany?

A boy a man not a man but a man? Dont feel like i am adulting like adults

Know nobody feels like an adults, its what they say and ive pretended well enough aswell, might have made a kid doubt himself

Always masks for pretending

Not always pretending

Want too help, too lazy to help?

Different ways worries about seeming weird

Help isnt weird

Maybe suspisous, worried about bad intentions, too many thoughts about the small offers of help they can help themselfs but help is always nice? Maybe also worried about asking for help maybe maybe not

Should care more

Shouldnt worry so much

Already care enough, act on it

Worried others will worry bc of it, dont want to worry them so never talk about anything

Nothing changes always the same pillor of support for them

Always there

Dont want to bother dont know what to say what to do nothing matches enjoy too little of the same they might be busy

Not best friend best friend

Worried they stick around out of pity dont want pity will accept pity if its the only thing

Less clamps less restraint when now will regret when asking tired should go to sleep

Knowing not pity little bit pity said asked before not sure

Want them to see want to say cant say

Made myself like this

Can change did it before done it again

Why always change

Bucket always full tips over slightly never empty

Hungry a bit already again

Want to taste old new but never did

Steadfast same always change now weird not weird can change maybe wont again worried about comments

Stupid and still stops me

Disconnect between mind and voice

Slower relay takes time other ways also slow? Voice takes longer, movement faster unclear maybe

Had worse dont know the difference anymore little difference between pains

Worse than then? No not worse so doenst hurt? Feel it so hursts? Feel a poke with a finger react as hurt but it doesnt hurt, reaction mostly

Makes no sense honestly

Wont talk should talk, want them to see to worry to care but dont want them to worry

Talking should help is said dont know if this counts didnt intent for it dont wont delete it would be unjust to me? Keep it dont forget it

Awake aware but different when just awoken more restraint chains?

[matan4il]

Have you ever wondered about food and Anna? Let me dive deeper because it's only coming to me now why it bothered me. A theme of 911 is food, its how's Bobby creates a family in the fire house, when Athena was suspended it was how she showed love and came to cook. In so many scenes it's parts of the crew cooking together. Like a love language, and it's established Eddie cant cook but that's ok Bobby taught Buck, so Chris is ok lol. But I noticed with Anna (and to be clear I don't hate Anna, i just dont want her taking my Buck and Chris screen time), she's constantly over making or over compensating of boring food. And we are supposed to get this idea it was maybe her bonding with Chris but I never got the vibe or shots Chris helping. The 2 cakes for Carla, the insane amounts of salad and the how many ducking muffins. Again I just find it interesting if maybe I was never supposed to find her endearing because her food choices were bland and lacked substance. They were almost over soccer mom like.

Or maybe the muffin fiasco was just to let her get the double meaning of leaving Eddie with "his mess" which was clearly a message of his sexuality.

I just know I'm chalking it up to anything that has deeper meaning because food is clearly important to the writers room.

Hi Nonnie! OMG, yes, I love this so much!

You're right, cooking food is set up through Bobby's backstory as a statement of emotional investment and creating bonds. The moment when he's willing to open up to his team and allow himself to care for and be cared about by them is represented through his cooking for the 118. It's continued with Athena cooking for the team as well, really giving her a spot as the team "mom" along Bobby as the team "dad". And we can tell Bobby is a paternal figure for Buck even before Buck explicitly admits it in the LS crossover, because Bobby teaches him how to cook.

So I would suggest that cooking food might also stand for specifically parental ties on the show. And Eddie being teased by Chris about his cooking, when we're also told Eddie does his best to prepare food for his son, could represent the way he's failed Chris before, but is trying his hardest to learn and be better and make up for his past mistakes now.

So Ana making food, but never actually cooking (it's always either baking with the cakes and muffins or cutting with the salads) could stand for her attempt to bond and to be a parental figure for Chris, but ultimately it's not quite the right emotional investment. It could explain why, as you said, we never see Chris helping her in preparing any of the food. And that adds a whole layer to the "it's your mess now," because it really emphasizes that the mess is about Eddie's bonds and emotional investment and him needing to figure it out and what goes where to get things as they should be... (and who's his real co-parent to Chris. And now, more than ever before, I need the show to give us a Buck and Chris cooking together scene. Tim, I will pay you!)

Thank you so much for sharing this, lovely! I hope my reply was adequate! xoxox

To anyone else who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox

[ectonurites]

do u have any thoughts on the whole “tim is zapped to time prison” storyline? bc i feel like it could have been pretty interesting and a good way to bring back young justice/tim’s memories more immediately if it hadn’t been such a blatant attempt to just get tim out of storylines bc they had no ideas for his character

sorry lol u don’t have to respond i just kind of wish people talked about this storyline more? and the fact that tim lowkey became one of the only people in dc with knowledge of the other timelines (i think so at least) and nobody really addressed it?? like going into the next phase where people learn about other timelines after death metal.... tim should already know some of this stuff right?

YES YES YES OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT THIS this got incredibly long because I just have a lot to say (and i included screenshots) and i prob got a little off topic but. but lets get started anyways:

i haven’t read that particular storyline in a few months so i might be missing/misremembering some details here, but that whole ‘time prison + future tim’ thing was like. a really really interesting concept and the implications/impacts it has are a big part of why i liked tynion’s detective comics run as much as i did even with it’s flaws in characterization (such as treating tim like he was jimmy neutron boy genius and making steph..... be all ready to quit/breakaway from the team like that. the steph quitting characterization really started i think in batgirl convergence and unfortunately has haunted her since, even though pre reboot never giving up was like...... one of her defining traits. dc i hate you sometimes) 

i think that one of the biggest things that bothers me about the situation is how little we saw most of the other characters in the batfamily grieve (aside from steph and some with bruce, but again the way steph was portrayed just... hhhhhh. it very much reduced her to ‘tims girlfriend’ more than i’d have preferred) but otherwise like...as far as I can remember there was maybe one line in that monsters crossover thing where dick mentioned tim was gone, jason had a single line about avoiding the funeral in rhato, i dont think they showed any reaction from babs at all until after he was back, and the most for damian I recall is at the end of the 2014 teen titans run (#24) where he looks at... a case with the old red robin uniform Tim wasn’t even wearing anymore when he died? and that just bugs me. Instead of getting to see the actual funeral we get one flashback to it way after the fact once Bruce already knows Tim’s not actually dead

But at the time when they all DID think he was dead? the closest thing we see was in that same teen titans issue (#24) there’s a memorial-type ‘sharing stories’ thing after the funeral with tim’s titans friends but.... we don’t see something like that with his family. tim is a major presence in these peoples’ lives, they are his family, when he gets sent into time prison its even SAID how loved he apparently is

its just... idk. they all thought he was dead, and if they had put more emphasis on showing not just telling how that effected EVERYONE (not just steph) in the batfam, it might have felt a lot less like they were just putting tim away until there was a story idea for him. (like obviously I know they can’t make everyone’s stories revolve around Tim, but I’d have way preferred a detective comics issue of the funeral/memorial with the family than having there only be a teen titans one, I think it would have... held more relevance & meaning... but instead they just went right into that monster crossover story instead of lingering on this)

but then the Tim story itself once it does pick up way later, with titans tomorrow/future tim coming along having that whole “tell conner you’re sorry” “who’s conner?” exchange with current tim... that opens up A LOT of things to think about, and I think was pretty interestingly done if i’m remembering correctly. future tim recognizes the timelines are different, and ya know goes off to try to change things further ("whaddaya got there?” “a gun to kill batwoman” “NO!!!!”), theres lots of fighting etc etc the good guys win as we expect, but once that’s all settled tim’s left there with this whole. thought process

which ya know is the big indicator there’s weird timeline/reality fuckery going on (or also the read here can be that tim and kon are so connected across all space and time that their bond can transcend anything even timelines and realities and reboots... “and they were soulmates” “oh my god they were soulmates”) 

ANYWAYS lets not forget that tim isnt the only one who learns about this other timeline stuff during this whole situation!

Brother Eye has records of future tim’s timeline, and cass & steph see who they used to be! and as soon as steph finds out ‘holy shit i was ROBIN and BATGIRL?’ she also desperately wants to know more! which then a bit later leads into young justice 2019 where instead of going off to college like they told Bruce they were gonna, Steph and Tim go get the help of Zatanna to see what might be going on in their brains with these timelines and weird feelings (as we see in flashback form in yj 2019 #5)

and HOO BOY DOES SHE FIND THINGS! she gets in there and finds out that oh yeah, their brains had very much so been tampered with, and with her magic she undoes some of it, by unlocking memories, and Tim finally remembers Conner! (also in case u were wondering, that panel is specifically a callback to this one from yj 1998 #17 when Cissie quit the team)

one thing that I think is weird/interesting/idk if it gets... properly addressed even, was that Zatanna also poked around Steph’s brain too and she didn’t remember everything? Might have something to do even with how Tim had been in time prison, might have taken less work from Z to open things up because of that? Who knows

additionally i wanna call attention to how he said “That entire chapter of my life” which... leading into my next point a bit... strongly leads me to believe even though he’s remembering some things he definitely does not have ALL of his memories back (because theres a lot more than just the young justice ‘chapter’ of tim’s life that was drastically changed by the new 52 & rebirth) 

BUT moving on, i wanna bring up this part from later on (after they figured out that there was a crisis that caused things in the world to change, which is why their memories/brains were messed with) in issue #16

so yeah, I think it’s indicated even though Zatanna brought back some memories and opened up his brain a bit, there’s still many holes, and some things seem more like dreams rather than memories and he’s probably unable to tell which are which on his own to some extent. (also for reference the real thing that Tim thought was just a dream is... likely yj 1998 issue #1)

So based on the things i’ve brought up here (which are the things I remember off the top of my head, I could easily be accidentally leaving shit out LMAO i haven’t fully read through any of these books in at least 3 or more months now) I think it’s safe to assume that Tim definitely has a head start on getting back his memories before Death Metal happens, but that it was by no means a complete thing. So the after effects of Death Metal are probably just gonna... be a little less drastic for him vs most other people because it was already happening, but it’ll be kinda filling in the remaining gaps? 

And like you said he is absolutely one of the few people that already knew about about the timelines/the fact that these crises have happened and changed things, but pretty much all the other young justice characters are also aware that there was meddling in the timeline/that multiple timelines and alternate universes like this exist since they were all together as a group when it got explained (in like. yj 2019 #15 i believe is where most of the explaining happens) (and cass as well is aware of things to some extent because of her and steph’s interaction with Brother Eye) but the difference is that Zatanna didn’t go into everyone’s brains, so they aren’t dealing with the same memory things as Tim (and possibly Steph? because again Z DID go in her brain, she just wasn’t able to unlock all the same things as she did with Tim) 

but yeah in general i SO wish this was explored more, both in canon and in fanworks (fanworks tho... that can still happen >:3c). Memories hazily coming in for Tim while Kon and Bart are able to confirm or deny things, him dealing with conflicting memories and feelings about his past as they trickle in... like I think we’ll start to see these types of things moving forward across a lot of titles with Infinite Frontier (i BELIEVE dont quote me on this but I BELIEVE the person writing Damian’s upcoming solo had mentioned in an interview that the memories coming back of the other timeline aren’t going to be an all at once thing but will be more gradual for most characters) but the fact that it theoretically had already been happening for Tim for MONTHS and we only got that one crumb indicating it in #16 of it instead of any actual exploration makes me SAAAAAAD 

[bowtied-pasta]

Soulmate marathon part 5

Your soulmate’s thoughts about you are written on your body

Character: Dark

You were one of the few.... you didnt know wether you should be proud of where you are now, or afraid of how quickly you were picked up by these people.

‘People’ was actually stretching it, if what they said was to be believed. You were living with monsters. Demons too, apparently. But as long as you lived under his roof, they wouldnt touch you.

The two men that had picked you up had led you to ‘speak’ with him, very briefly. The rules and expectations of being allowed to live while living here were very easy to follow. You would have no reason to break them, seeing as you were smart enough to comprehend the other options if you couldnt follow them.

Your room was nice enough, bare with the exceptions of a bed and closet. No extra clothes, you would have to figure something out tomorrow. The two men, who had told you to call them Brian and Tim, had told you that you should probably try to either get some rest or explore a bit. The place was big, so it would probably do you some good to figure out just where the fuck you were, housewise.

So after leaving a bracelet you had been wearing on your door knob, you ventured back to the front door that you had been ushered through earlier, hoping to find something new from your starting point.

You slowly walk down the stairs, not quite use to the spacing, taking your time and actually trying to remember where you came from so that you wouldnt have to ask for help from others. You didnt want any favors over your head this early.

Finding yourself wandering around aimlessly after a while, you began to wonder just how the fuck this place was set up if you hadnt found anybody else yet. Then again, you werent even sure you wanted to.

Speaking too soon, you see two men round the corner. These guys are killers? They look like they popped straight out of a videogame... then again, one of them did have grey skin. Were those red eyes you saw on both of them? Monsters then. Or perhaps this is your first run in with demons?

They see you before you can do anything to remove yourself from confrontation, seeing them both perk up and take an immediate interest in you.

“Oh, they didnt say when you would be here. Youre the new one, right? Whats your name?”

The smaller of the two speaks up, a yellow blonde with pointed ears, you noticed the albino next to him had much of the same. Pointed ears, red eyes.... they could be brothers for all you know.... is that rude to assume?

You jostle yourself out of your thoughts to give your name, offering a small smile but not much more. You didnt expect much in the friends department, but if they were this friendly, then maybe you could be. Eventually.

“Cool, cool. Well Im Ben and this is D-“

“Names Dark, but you can call me any time because your looks are killer, babe.”

Dark interupts Ben in the middle of his introduction. Did he just.... hit on you? With a killer pun? Seriously? What a nerd. Definetly not what you expected in a place full of what you knew were all killers to some degree.

“Um... call you, huh? Hate to be a heart breaker, but I dont have a phone and I most certainly dont have your number.”

His face loses its smirk, seemingly taken back by the fact that you didnt have a phone.

“Its possible that you’ll need one for missions, so one of us will take care of that for you now that we know. Were you trying to find something? This place is huge, so getting lost is pretty easy.”

You hesitate, not really wanting to be a bother, but they knew more about this place than you did. Couldnt hurt to take the help. But as you opened your mouth to tell them that you were just looking around, you paused. Should you really take help from these people.... I mean.... youre supposedly just like them, so its not like youre not expecting anything bad from them.

“Yeah, uh... was just looking around. Trying to figure the place out.”

You play with your sleeves, pushing them up when your nerves seem to make the room heat up a bit. Last thing you need is to look like a nervous wreck in front of these two.

They both glance down at your nervous movements, doing a double take as their eyes go wide. More specifically Dark is more shocked than Ben, only a questioning raise of the brow as he focuses on your arm.

“Whats that? Tattoo?”

Ben points at it, curiousity burning in his eyes making you glance at your arm. You know you dont have any tattoos there, and you understand why he would be confused if it was a tattoo. This... thats a soulmate bond.

‘They dont belong here’

You could see others, but they didnt matter much. Your soulmate didnt think you belonged here, which means it was one of the four or five youve already met, but you didnt want to focus on that right now.

“No. Its not. Thanks for the offer for help finding shit, but im obviously not meant to be here.”

And with that you turn on your heel, briskly making your way back to your room that you took an embarassingly long time to find, even with the bracelet you had left on the handle. Just as you go to close the door, Dark shoves it open and takes your arm to look at closer.

“Hey! Where the fuck did you come from? What do you want?”

You struggle to pull your arm out of his hold, wanting to hide your shame over what your soulmate seemed to think of you.

“Did you even read the others?”

His red hues gaze deep into yours, his stare freezing you as you realize that maybe you should glance over the others as well.

‘Kinda hot’

‘Must be crazy wicked to end up here, looking like that’

You brush over what you could see, your gaze flickering over all the different little first time opinions your soulmate thought of you. They were.... good. If you can call corny with a side of horny ‘good.’

“Heh... Why do you care what I think about these thoughts?”

His thumb brushes along your vein, featherlight tracing leaving you with goosebumps as his gaze softens.

“Because those thoughts are mine, soulmate.”

[janekfan]

hi mom! quick update: i had a panic attack at work the other day. luckily my coworker/manager knew what it was and helped me out but i still had to do the rest of my shift but at least i got the next day off. hours are still bad but everyone around me is talking about how proud they are of me... i just barely managed to scrape up a 50 cent raise... im one of three people on my shift... i cant take time off. i know you already did one for me but... i dont have much else to bring comfort

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072691

My darling child! <3 <3 <3 This is inadequate! And I shall do better soon! But I love you and hope this offers a little comfort!

When asked later if he’d known, Tim lied. Of course not. He hadn’t realized just how sick Jon had been, certainly didn’t know how long it’d been. After all, no one really saw him most days, skulking as he did around the archives, a flickering, limping shadow among the stacks. Jon didn’t have use for them and Tim didn’t have use for him. Not until they enacted their plan of attack and finished things once and for all.

So no. When he’d dropped by to toss Martin’s research at him he ignored the pallor, the beads of sweat dotted along his forehead and matting his curls. He paid no mind to the dark flush high in his face, the glazed distance in his eyes, the shortness of his breath as he fought to form one coherent thought. A plea veiled in a request and it gave Tim all the excuse he needed to conveniently forget to fetch Martin for him.

“T’Tim...could, could you ask Martin to, to.” Jon could barely finish a thought. Exhausted, he’d been under so much stress, running himself ragged on adrenaline and awful, terrible statements, and he just wanted to see someone kind. Someone who might help him instead of hate him. Someone who maybe didn’t want to hurt him or kill him. Or worse. “I’d like t’to speak with him? P’please?”

“Sure, Boss.”

Martin wasn’t coming.

Martin wasn’t coming and Jon was miserable. But he didn’t blame Martin for staying away. It was alright. He was probably upset with him or angry or had a hundred other reasons to avoid seeing him and it was fine.

Jon let his cheek collide with the tea-stained blotter and slow tears slipped down to join the other watermarks, the rust traces of his blood. With a thin, trembling finger he connected the scars etched into the surface like constellations, each one tied to a memory; some he remembered, some he’d forgotten, some he wished he could forget. Why the old desk even had this second skin he would never know; it was already damaged and scratched and why bother protecting it when it could never go back to the way it was before? Heaving a shaky breath that didn’t give him near enough air to sustain him, Jon closed his eyes. It would be a lovely thing if sleep restored anything or made him feel anything other than relief for the blissful span of unmeasured time he spent not feeling. Floating, dizzy and suspended here in the dark, so tired it seemed like the room was expanding around him with every hard won exhale, shrinking to crush him with every inhale.

It didn’t seem worth it.

Like he wasn’t worth it.

When Jon was asleep, he drifted along unfamiliar currents, memories that didn’t belong to him or anyone that he knew from hundreds of years ago, from mere months ago. From far underwater he listened to the sounds of the office fade away through a closed door that may as well have been a kilometer away for all the strength he had left. Everyone was leaving for the weekend and he wasn’t able to stand. Everyone was leaving and he wasn’t able to call out, snared in these fathomless depths and sinking fast.

Silence.

Thick. Blanketing. Suffocating.

He was drowning in it. Struggling to breach the surface only seconds at a time to snatch at sips of air and seawater.

The safety lights cast shadows that slipped along the floor like oil, into the cracks, up the walls Jon clung to, casting just enough light to see by and aggravating his head. He wanted to sleep. He needed water and it was how he found himself in the dingy break room leaning heavily on the sink, holding on for dear life as he weathered the salt swells, the tilting of the room and the vertigo swirling up, up, up. The first glass met its end on the floor when it slipped from Jon’s grip and he could have sobbed from the loss, from how hard he’d worked for it only to let it go. The next he cradled close in both hands, sitting at the rickety table and gulping down close to half before coming up to breathe. Cool rivulets trickled down his throat, soaked into the neck of his borrowed tee and he shivered. It was always cool down here. For the documents. Only now he was freezing, longing to fall into the cot, just rest, but it was too far away. He’d never make it as he was. He drank the rest of the water and went through the trouble of a second glass. There were no bottles in the fridge, none in the cupboards. He’d never be able to carry it back to his office. Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. Why was this so hard? Laying his head on folded arms, Jon let the frustration come, shoulders shaking, and when he woke again he forced more water on himself and limped to the doorway.

Which way?

This time, a cough bubbling up in his lungs jerked him out of the deep. It was harsh, painful, and he lost the remaining water in his stomach from the force of it, tasted iron behind his tongue. Groaning, clutching at his aching chest, Jon realized he was on the floor in the hallway. Not even halfway to his goal and he didn’t remember collapsing. His limbs were lead, movement sluggish because of it, and he only managed to drag himself another meter before the spiraling of the corridor forced him to close his eyes. The fever was relentless, sapping him of everything, throbbing in his bones and boiling in his blood. Jon coughed again. The hot, tight tangle in the center of him drew tighter, a noose, instead of giving way and the black lurking at the edges of his vision swallowed the rest of it.

Martin adjusted the blanket in his arms, thinking again that it would have been easier to have put it in his bag for the walk from the train. He didn’t regret his choice though. He remembered how cold it could get down in the archives and Jon looked like he could do with a bit of comfort these days. Maybe being wrapped up in this monster would do it. Shouldering it, he took the narrow stairs, surprised that no one else was here yet. But considering none of them really wanted to do much actual work these days it made sense. Martin got his things situated at his desk, leaving the comforter overflowing in his chair before heading off to start the tea kettle warming. Glass crunched under his shoes and when Martin turned on the light it was clear Jon had dropped it. What was confusing was that he had left it. He wasn’t the most fastidious about his appearance or his surroundings but even he wouldn’t leave broken glass just lying around. WIth a crease in his brow, Martin swept it up, dumping it in the bin before turning off the squealing kettle. He prepared two mugs as usual and the only reason he didn’t drop them upon seeing Jon crumpled up in the hall was because he froze stock still.

“J’Jon?” He abandoned the tea on a desk, skidding on his knees to a stop at his side. “Jon! Oh, no, no. Jon, wake up.” Ashen, burning up under Martin’s fluttering hands, chest stuttering with half breaths. Had he been like this all weekend? Had he been like this before they all left? How did, why didn’t he check on him? Only when Martin slid his arms beneath his body did Jon stir at all, a pitiful sound of pain pulled from between his lips when he was lifted. A halfhearted cough ending in a moan. “It’s alright, Jon. You’re alright. I’ve got you.” He should call 999. That’s what he should do but with all that had been happening, was that the right choice?

“Mmar’in…” He toed open the door to document storage and laid him down, brushed back his curls and took up the cold hand Jon was reaching with. “Ma--” His grip was barely there when the deep, damp coughing jag stole the air right out of him, so strong Martin levered him forward, worried he would choke. Days. Days alone like this. He swept the tears away with careful fingers, traced the shadows like bruises beneath his eyes.

“It’s alright.” He propped him up against the corner, wishing there were more pillows to make him comfortable and pulled away, heart twisting up when Jon whimpered at the loss. “Hush, now. I’ll be back, I won’t leave you.” Quick as he could Martin gathered supplies, medicine for the raging fever, the blanket he’d brought along, a thermos of tea, checking on Jon in his fitful sleep with each trip. He sounded bad, he was having too much trouble breathing and the crackling wheeze was terrifying. The next time he came back it was with a basin of hot water and a towel. He placed it in Jon’s lap, sliding behind him to steady both him and the bowl, gentling him when he startled. “Just breathe, Jon. This, this should help.” The steam rose, bathing his face with humidity and it was probably wishful thinking but Martin thought each breath came a little easier. When Jon coughed Martin pressed a handful of tissue against his mouth, tossing the mess into the bin and letting him curl up against him for just a few moments. He was so warm. Too warm and Martin plied him with paracetamol and tea, as much as he would take before letting him fall back to sleep, smoothing a damp flannel over his forehead and leaving him to rest.

Soft, cool hands, kind, reassuring words. Jon drank them in like a desert after the rain, let them flood him, take away all the fear and loneliness he was holding onto. Martin was here. Martin was helping. Martin was holding him, saying things he didn’t quite understand in a steady voice. He wanted to cry from the relief of it, of having someone, of not being alone and he thought he might have but there was no teasing or threatening. Nothing he did made him hurt more. Everything he did made him hurt less. There was tea and pillows and blankets, warmth to replace the memory of lying on a cold floor and drifting in and out.

But he was gone now. He’d left him alone and Jon wanted him here. Struggling to his trembling legs he gave himself time to steady, limping out of the room and following the familiar voices and latching onto Martin’s. He sounded upset and Jon wondered if it was because of him. Most people were upset with him these days. He heard Basira and Melanie and Tim and he didn’t want to see them but Martin was with them and he wanted to see Martin. Martin with his kindness he didn’t deserve. He was cold. He was shaking.

Tim was yelling.

It made something in him afraid.

It made his chest hurt. It made it harder to breathe. It made him want to hide. And when he became even louder, Jon shrank into himself. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t.

“And speak of the devil!” Tim’s mocking tone rang in his head like a bell. “He shall appear.”

“Tim!”

“I’m. M’Martin? I.”

“What, Boss? What else could you possibly take that you haven’t already?”

“J’just--” Still human enough to want, too much a monster that he wasn’t allowed to have. Tim took a threatening step forward, and Jon forgot what he was going to say in favor of stumbling backwards, falling to the ground and knocking the air out of himself. He clawed at his neck, suddenly completely unable to breathe when Tim stood over him, towering and tall and seconds later Martin was taking up the whole of his horizon. Just Martin.

“It’s alright, Jon. Let’s get you back to bed, hm?”

“W’will you stay?” He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, the sniggering coming from behind the larger man confirming what he already knew. Martin had already helped him. He had no right to ask for more. But again Martin carried him to document storage and again he placed him on the cot and this time, he stayed with him, wrapping him up warm and safe and tucking his head beneath his chin. Jon shuddered, the aftershocks of his panic and embarrassment still rocketing through him. “Martin...don’t. Don’t feel well…”

“I know.” Martin pet his head slowly and Jon relished it, pressing his ear against his broad chest and listening to the rhythm of his beating heart. He probably wouldn’t remember this anyway, not with a fever like this already making everything so fuzzy, and he wanted, just for a little while, to feel safe. “I’m sorry.” It was nice to hear even though Martin had nothing to apologize for. It was still nice that someone would say sorry to him. Exhausted all over again, the space between blinks stretched longer and longer. “You can sleep, Jon.” But what if he left? He didn’t want him to leave, the thought of it wetting his face and just like before Martin wiped the tears away. “It’s okay, just close your eyes. I’m not going anywhere.”

[p1nkwitch]

Ok, i did not forget tmastuck is still alive, i just had lots of other ideas, but.

Here we go again. 3 conversations.

@nonbinaryeye

SINNAMONROLL started pestering BEATINGHEART

SR: How long Jonah?

BH: As long as it takes to reach the new session, then I can just leave if my presence is so annoying to you.

SR: Not what I mean and you know it. They are both looking for you. There are just so many times I can lie to their faces. So many times Kitty kat has to lie to her humans, she is sad Jonah.

BH: Do not put our child into this.

SR:...

BH:Ughhhh stupid cat brain.

SR: Still its actually bothering them.

BH: Oh and what should I do, let them find me? How do you think that would end? Hm? I basically took away their powers Barnabas, I let the institute- my institute get destroyed. There is no coming back from that.

BH: Then there is the whole other thing about not actually being anything that a copy!! What do I do with that?

SR: Look, I'm a copy too! I'm not the Barnabas Bennet that was, but I have his memories still. So what? I like this new life. This new chance!! You can have that too Jonah.

BH: We could…

SR: Oh Jonah we both know that it wouldn't work, we already tried and it fell apart. Its not me that you want anymore and I'm… more happy with just being friends this time around. It was stupid of us to even try again, i knew it, but i was just… lonely, heh. Neither is what the other wants. Not anymore.

BH: Maybe if we work on it! I could... try to change.

SR: No, no you won't, and honestly ? I don't want you to. Mistakes happen, otherwise we wouldn't keep falling into each other.

BH: Not all of it was a mistake, it couldn't have been!

SR: … Maybe, maybe not before, I will admit that, but you want more than I can give. That's not bad, it just means I'm not the one you should be getting it from. We worked before, but you have more memories of a life without me and you aren't the same person I loved then.

BH: If i'm not that, and i'm not Jonah, then who the hell am i?

SR: Well, that is really up to you I suppose. To figure it out. I… will keep them away still for a little bit more. But Jonah, I can't keep doing this forever. We are barely halfway through on the trip.

BH: So? Have you seen them, i- they are in love. God why would- i dont even know what else to say.

SR: Try, speak with them, figure out something. You are clever. I need to go, I'm supposed to play cards with Martin. Its funny, he reminds me of Jonathan…

BH: Im sorry.

SR: I know, but its not enough.

SR: Talk to you later ok?

BH: Sure.

SINNAMONROLL ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

BH: …

BEATINGHEART started pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

BH: How are you holding on?

SA: … Not sure. Its weird.

BH: Breakups are always messy affairs.

SA: You would know wouldn't you?

BH: Rude, do you want me to leave Jon? Because I can. I'm fairly sure i'm the only one you are even talking with at this point.

SA: Not true, I speak with Daisy.

BH: Aha, how does that go for you?

SA: … Its ok, she tries to cheer me up and its… nice, but sometimes she insists on me to stop moping and well.

BH: Tiresome?

SA: Yes, so much. The other just don't want me near, and its- i dont even have my powers anymore, i thought- well i assumed that perhaps like this it would be better, but its like someone cut off something from me.

SA: Georgie tries, but if I mention anything regarding my powers she becomes upset. Melanie is… herself, that bridge got burned a long time ago. Basira.

BH: Ah the detective, she is… impassive i have come to understand.

SA: Yes, and it's confusing, because sometimes we can get along but others I just seem like the enemy. I'm starting to realize that perhaps it was always like that.

BH: Mm, how does that make you feel regarding what happened with Martin.

SA: I- god i was so stupid, i thought we could just be better now that i was cut off, that we could be together but it became obvious that we had two different views of things and it was always grating, I could overlook it, but Martin did not. And it- its not a break up just some time to think.

BH: Jon.

SA: Hahahaha, it's actually funny i think, that's exactly what Georgie told me before breaking up with me.

BH: I do not think its funny Jon.

SA: Well what else am I supposed to take from it???

SA: That I'm terrible at keeping things? That the people around me dont care?

BH: Purrhaps, you confuse coworkers with friends, Jon. Have… Do you have a good frame of reference? To know what is normal or not? I'm trying my best to not sound pushy since you established that does not help you. So think of this as your homework of sorts.

BH: Try and think of behaviour that points to them being friends or coworkers. Hell just go with trauma victims if it makes you feel any better, take that. Make a list and tell me the results.

BH: As for Martin, as you said I don't have the track record to help. Asking Elias… well he has Peter. So maybe that is more helpfur to you. But I doubt it. Listen, divorce your feelings on the matter and think objectively.

BH: Imagine…. imagine someone else, literally anyone you know and try to put them in your place. Would you accept them to be treated like that? Do you think its normal?

SA: I… don't, I really don't. God i'm a mess.

BH: You are something of a mess, but the blame is not on you completely. That others see you as an easy target for their own insecurities doesn't make you the one to blame. Now, you did make mistakes from what we talked about, and we addressed that and their consequences on your relationships before, like with Tim. But, clearly there are also things they are not dealing with either and they use you as a scapegoat.

SA: Don't try to put them against me.

BH: Oh Jon, the sad thing is, I don't have to.

SA: I… will try to speak with Martin again later.

BH: Ok. Good luck, do try to do what I asked you, ok?

SA: Yes… yes, sure. Thank you Jonah.

BH: You are welcome.

SA: … Will you speak with them?

BH: I can't. Goodbye.

BEATINGHEART ceased pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

WEBDESIGNER started pestering BEATINGHEART

WD: ::::)

BH: What do you want Annabelle?

WD: Can a friend not say hello?

BH: Considering we are not friends and you weren't supposed to make it here, I hardly doubt it.

WD: Oh buuu you sad, sad man.

WD: Anyways, I saw those two moving around trying to find you, very sad. Peter was looking grumpy. Elias was very annoyed. Do you want a picture?

BH: Why are you bothering me with this??

WD: … Its… the first time in years that I don't have the web controlling my actions. I always liked to play matchmaker, before my change.

WD: Its refreshing to be able to say what I mean without pain or speaking in riddles. The trip gets boring otherwise. I have been pestering Martin, but he is stubborn. Plus poor sad Jon.

BH: Leave him alone please, he is already messed up enough as it stands and im playing therapist for free. No need to add more trauma.

WD: That you caused him, or the other you caused him. Its perhaps a very interesting thing that he chose the version of you that did not harm him to be his confidant don't you think? There is something there to be said, even psychoanalyzed.

BH: Annabelle the point.

WD: Right pictures.

WD: sent (picture)

BH:... Annabelle, they are just making out??!!? How did you-??

WD: I have secrets. Have some more.

WD: ATTACHED (PICTURES1,2,3,4)

WD:??? Are you ok? Its been 20 minutes??

WD: Did I kill you? They didn't even get to lose more than the shirts calm down, I was sure you got into more freaky stuff in your years.

BH: How??

WD: Do you want me to get more?

BH: No!!

WD: Are you sure? Trip is long… maybe you need something to keep you… mmm interested?

BH: I will leave.

WD: Sure, sure. Offer always stands. Anyways. I will just say, because i'm fully capable of it now. They very much want you in there too. Its very weird, but considering the things i have seen and done for the web its the least concerning thing.

WD: So stop hiding and go get your throupe you coward.

BH: ANNABELLE!!

WD: ;;;;)

WEBDESIGNER ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[thebluenebula]

Getting Ready for the Gala

Ashleigh AU Fic Masterlist

Ashleigh didn't like the thought of Galas. Big social events with lots of people she didn't know, and didn't want to, but all it takes is a simple question from Cassie to change Ash's mind on going.

First Xmas Gala

. . . . .

Babs, and Dick had to pick up there outfits for the Gala today, so Bruce, Kate, and I tagged along. After they got that sorted, we hung around the mall for a few hours before heading home. By time we got back, it was already past six.

Alfred was waiting to greet us. "Welcome back. Miss Sandsmark came by, she was asking for you, Miss Ashleigh."

"Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, but I did allow her to wait in your room. Unless she left unbeknownst to me, she should still be there."

I turned to the others. "I'm going to go see what's up."

"Come down in a couple minutes, we'll have some ice cream." Bruce shouted after me as I ran up the stairs.

I got to my room, and Cassie was sitting on the bed, looking through one of my sketch book. "Hey."

She looked up. "Hey. Alfred said I could wait up here. Hope that's okay?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

She set down the sketch pad as she got up. "They're good. You should try posting them online, or something."

"I have a Pixtagram for that."

"You do? You never mentioned it."

"Never came up."

She looked at the two bags I was holding. "Whatcha got?"

"Stuffs. I was shopping."

"Anything nice?"

"Plenty. Bab's, and Dick had to go pick up their clothes for the Gala. You should see them. They're beautiful."

"I bet. Speaking of the Gala, I was wondering if you were planning to go?"

"No, I'm not."

"Would you consider it?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come as my date?"

"Like a date, date?"

She gave me a confused look. "Yes?"

"Like a, I like you and want to go on a romantic date with you, date?"

She grabbed my shoulder, and shook me. "Yes, for the love of god, Ash."

"I just want to be sure."

"And now that you are?"

So many thoughts raced through my head in that moment. "I'd love to."

She awkwardly rubbed her neck. "I was kind of expecting you to be here earlier, so we could've talked more about this, but I've got to run right now, I have a thing with Donna."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"My bad, I should have called before I came over, but maybe we can talk later, over call?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

Cassie rushed out of the room. "Thank you. Talk to you later."

I took a moment to get my thoughts together, before heading down to the kitchen. I hadn't planned to go to the Gala, but I guess now I had to.

Bruce, Kate, Dick, and Babs sat at the table eating ice cream. Bruce looked up from his treat. "Does Cassie not want any?"

"No, she left. Had something with Donna."

"Oh, what'd she come around for?"

Kate smacked the back of his head. "Stop being nosey."

"Ow!"

Bruce went to smack Kate, but she grabbed his hand. "Dont even fucking think about it."

I smiled at the two. Sometimes it was hard to believe they weren't siblings.

"Do not make me come in there!" Alfred shouted from the adjacent room.

Their hands quickly shot to their sides. Dick handed me a bowl of ice cream. "If you wait any longer, you'll need a straw."

"Thanks." I leaned against the counter. My mind was racing. I'd never been on a date. I definitely could use some advice, but who to ask? Dicks got the most experience, Babs has common sense, Kate is easy to talk to, and Bruce, well I don't think he's been on a proper date with anyone that's not a villian in quite a while, but it'd be nice to ask him.

"Ashleigh? Ashleigh!"

Something bounced off my forehead, snapping me back to reality. "Huh?"

Kate was staring at me. "You alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I had to bounce a napkin off your head to get your attention."

I looked at the crumpled up napkin on the floor. "I was just thinking."

"About?"

When in doubt, pick every option. "Cassie just asked me on a date, to the Gala."

Dick jumped up excitedly. "Really?"

Babs grabbed his hand. "Calm down, Romeo."

Bruce got up, and leaned against the counter beside me. "What did you say?"

"Oh, I said yes."

He lay a hand on my shoulder. "I guess you're going to the Gala after all."

"Guess so."

"You okay?"

"I've never actually been on a date."

"Don't worry, between everyone in this house, we have plenty of experience."

Cassie and I talked later that day, as we said we would. We confirmed our plans for the Gala, then we talked about feelings. More her then me. I'd never really talked feelings to Cassie much. I never felt the need to.

She told me how she'd thought I was cute the first day we met, how over the next six months she'd formed a crush on me. With some encouragement from Donna, and Artemis, she decided to ask me to the Gala.

Of course I thought she was cute as well, and sure, I'd thought about asking her out, but I never intended to act on those thoughts. I figured a couple of weeks, and they'd pass, but she asked me, and I said yes.

The next week was full of preparing. Babs had agreed to show me how to dance, and Dick wanted to help me with an outfit.

So the next day, I found myself standing in the middle of the ballroom. It was still crazy to me, to be living in a house with it's own ball room.

Babs entered, followed by Cass, Steph, and Dick. "So you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Cass will be your dance partner."

"Why Cass?" Not that I had a problem with Cass, but I had expected one of the others.

"Because no matter how badly you mess up, you won't knock her off her feet."

"This is why your the smart one."

Steph scoffed. "Tim's the smart one."

"But Bab's has brains, and common sense."

"Yeah, that's fair."

I gestured to Steph, and Dick. "And why they here?"

"They wanted to watch, plus they're want to sort out your outfit after we're done."

"Alright."

"Okay. Cass will lead first. Just do as she does."

Cass took my left hand and draped it over her shoulder, then placed her right hand on my side. She took my free hand in hers. "Ready?"

"Don't blame me if I trip over your feet."

"Scuff my shoes, and you will live in constant fear of my vengeance."

I nervously giggled. "That's a joke, right?"

She smirked, and took a step to the left and I followed. Then another. "Now right." Two steps to the right.

We repeated these steps over, and over again. I watched our feet as we moved from left to right. It was simple, but I did have a serious case of two left feet.

Babs coughed. "Eyes up, Ash."

I quickly looked over to her. "I was watching our feet, I swear."

"I know that, your hand would already be broken if you hadn't been, but keep eye contact. Focus on her."

I nodded, and looked to Cass. "How am I doing?'

She had a reassuring smile on my face. "Great."

We kept at it for a while, slowly adding more, and more on. After a while, Babs decided we were finished for the day.

Dick, and Steph quickly took this opportunity to drag me away to my room to sort out an outfit. Dick, and Steph sat down on the bed. The two already had their outfits sorted, so they insisted on helping me.

Dick clapped. "Let's get started. If we want something made in time for the Gala you're gonna have to decide on it soon. So whatcha thinking?"

"Made? Can't I just buy something?"

"You could, but getting one made just adds a bit more you to it."

"But thats so ex-"

"Don't say it."

"That's so impractical."

Steph smiled. "Practicals boring anyway."

Dick nodded in agreement. "So come on Ash, if you could have any dress in the world made for you, what would it look like."

I thought for a moment. "It'd be blue, maybe."

Steph leaned forward. "Is that it? You don't have anything... more specific in mind."

"Well I have loads of ideas, but most them don't really work together."

"Just start shooting 'em out."

"Hold on." I opened a folder on my phone, and handed it to Dick. It was full of my ideas for outfits. It had pictures of dresses, and sketches I'd done. "These are some of the ideas I've had."

Dick quickly scrolled through the pictures before handing it to Steph. "Ash, how long have you been thinking about getting a dress?"

"A while."

"I can tell."

Steph set down the phone. "Lots of  potential candidates here, but you'll have to pick a favourite."

I sat beside her. "So what do I choose?"

"That's your decision."

"Steph, you know I hate functioning as an independent human."

"If I'm making all the decisions, I'm the one going on the date."

"I can't tell if you're serious or not."

Her eyes narrowed. "Try me."

Dick grabbed her shoulder. "You agreed you weren't going to steal anyone elses date."

"Wait!" I was flabbergasted. "You actually stole someone's date?"

"They said I was bluffing."

"Who?"

"Harper."

"She must have been so pissed."

"I think she was actually more impressed then pissed. You should ask her to tell you about it sometime."

"Yeah, I will."

We began weeding through the ideas. A little while later, and we were left with three outfits.

I looked at the remaining ideas. "My brain can't decide between them."

Dick stood. "Well you don't necessarily need to pick right now. Sit on it overnight, and we can talk about it in the morning, but for now, we've got to get supper."

We got supper, and headed to bed. I didn't sleep, instead I spent hours reading articles about first dates, advice, things to avoid, etc. Morning came before sleep, so I got up. Alfred was the only one in the kitchen. I skipped the breakfast, just got a cup of coffee, and sat down.

Alfred came over. "Are you alright, Miss Ashleigh?"

I looked up from my phone. "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because if you tighten your grip on that mug anymore it may shatter."

I hadn't even realized how tight I was gripping it. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, it certainly wouldn't have been a first." He sat down beside me. "Now, do you wish to tell me what is bothering you?"

I set my phone down. "Well I was reading online about flowers for my date with Cassie, and I don't know, a lot of these articles say they're out dated."

"Believe it or not Miss Ashleigh, but its had been quite a while since I've been on a first date, but in my experience you can't go wrong with flowers."

"They're just really cliche, I don't want her to think I put no effort into this."

"Miss Sandsmark has been coming around this house for years now, and I know for certain, that no matter what you do, she'll know you put your heart, and soul into whatever you choose."

"Thank you, Alfred. Since you're clearly a Silver Fox, any advice on flowers?"

"As a matter of fact, I've been growing these rather delightful flowers in the garden that I feel Miss Sandsmark would love."

"I can't just take them Alfred, you work so hard on that garden."

He stood up. "Nonsense, it's only a few, plus it will be nice to see them serve a purpose."

I followed Alfred out into the garden. The flowers he showed me were perfect. The colours popped, and they looked amazing.

The rest of the week came, and went in what felt like an instant. I sorted out the dress with Dick, and Steph the next morning. It arrived later in the week, looking exactly like something out of my dreams. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly. It wasn't until I stepped out to show it to Dick, and Steph that I realized the problem. I was terrified. Terrified of the thought of being in public with this, of Cassie seeing me in this, but it was too late to back out now.

Every evening was spent with Babs, and Cass practicing dancing. By the end of it, I was actually okay, and, more importantly, I was enjoying it.

The night before the Gala, Carrie had insisted on stealing a handful of us away to see her new dress. Duke, Harper, and I sat on her bed facing the wall.

"Alright, turn around."

We all turned back to Carrie. She stood in front of us in a green sun dress. The colour perfectly matched the lenses of her glasses.

Duke smiled. "It's beautiful Carrie."

Harper stared at her for a moment. Tilting her head from one side to another. "It's lovely Carrie."

"But?"

Harper looked at her curiously. "But?"

"You usually have some kind of smart ass comment."

"Carrie, for once can't I just appreciate how amazing you look in a dress without making a smart comment?"

"You can't think of anything, can you?"

Harper sighed. "I've got nothing."

Carrie turned to me. "What about you, Ash, nothing to say?"

"You look gorgeous, Carrie."

"Thank you."

Duke looked over to me. "So, Ash, when are we seeing your dress?"

"When I wear it tommorow."

Harper bumped me. "Come on, Ash. Give us a sneak peek."

"You'll see it, when I wear it."

We giggled, and chatted for hours before I headed back to my room. I sat on my bed. I was knackered, but I didn't feel like sleeping. I was too... excited, or maybe it was the nerves.

A knock at the door drew my attention. Jay walked in holding a garment bag. "Hey."

I looked at her curiously. "Hi. What's that?"

He lay the bag down on the bed. "It's one of Harper's old suit. It should fit you."

"Thanks, but why?"

"You don't exactly seem... comfortable in the dress, I figured, if you need it, this can be an alternative."

"Thanks, Jay."

"Just remeber, Ash, we'll be there tomorrow. If someone so much as looks at you wrong, just tell me."

I looked at him curiously. "What would you do?"

He smile, and cracked his knuckles. "I'd make sure they'd never do it again."

I giggled. I'm sure that was just a joke, right? "Thank you, Jay."

He got up, and ruffled my hair. "Enjoy tommorow, kid."

He left me alone. I lay down, and let my thoughts run away.

. . . . .

So writing took like forever, but it was really fun, and is kinda important for some of my future ideas so I hope you enoyed.

[bigskydreaming]

I'm not sure if you got my request because i didn't had internet when i sent it, so i'll write it again xd Do you think Dick (and the batboys in general) are famouse like Bruce? Because in the comics there's not any clue about it, i've never seen anyone say something like "oh look! Its Dick Grayson!, y'know, Wayne's first ward/son And its a shame, because reporters would make such a hard life to all of them, it would maka a good narrative tool

Honestly, this is a prime example of that inconsistency I rant about, and also DC’s refusal to just COMMIT on even the most basic aspects of their universe like….uh…how many kids does Batman have. 

afhsahfklahsklfhal

Like, you would think that would meet the MINIMUM requirements of “shit you should probably have figured out and make sure everybody’s on the same page with” but DC’s like….nah, that’s not important.

So I mean…..I’m reasonably certain - like this is just my personal belief, but I’d put money on it being right, lol - but I think the primary reason there’s so little mention in the comics of how Bruce’s kids are viewed in the public eye/how much the public are aware of them (in the New 52, at least, as pre-Flashpoint there was a lot more plot around that kind of thing, especially back in the 80s and 90s)……

…is because 90% of the writers and editors have no clue either, and nobody wants to be the one to ask, and like, open that can of worms. I 100% think you could ask five different writers at DC which kids Bruce has OFFICIALLY adopted in this current continuity, and get five different answers, lol.

There’s been so much handwaving about Dick’s status ever since Spyral, and again - I think its because nobody bothered to think through the logistics of the Hypnos/global-mindwipe machine BEFORE writing it into the story, and then once it did occur to any of them to like….wonder just how specifically it worked, they were like, fuck it, better just be as vague as possible. So, according to Grayson, everyone Helena didn’t program into the exclusion list before the satellite was activated should have no recollection of Dick Grayson, which is why he was able to ‘go back to his old life’ and be Nightwing again, without worrying about his secret identity having been unmasked…..

But what does that mean for his official identity as adopted son or even just ward of billionaire Bruce Wayne? People can’t have NO memory of Dick Grayson and still remember that Bruce Wayne took in a kid named Dick Grayson. I mean, as far as I can tell, the overall consensus in the comics seems to be that after the satellite was activated, Dick just kinda started from scratch as ‘Dick Grayson’ like, he was free to be himself again, but it was like he was a blank slate/came out of nowhere as far as everyone else was concerned. But again, that means as far as anyone outside of their close circle of family and friends know….Dick Grayson is a non-entity to Bruce Wayne and the two have no history. 

Which I mean, is fairly shitty and you’d think if nothing else, there’d be massive story potential there for delving into Dick’s character and his relationship with Bruce and examining how he felt about ‘having his old life/identity back’….except with the caveat that as far as the world is concerned, his life and identity don’t and have never included his father.

Cut to DC: Naaaaaaaah.

But even WITH that, plot holes persist, and abound, because…..why didn’t the satellite erase the Court of Owls’ knowledge/memory of Dick? Even before Luthor gave Cobb those goggles and files to help him with bringing Ric into the fold, Cobb clearly was already stalking Ric and knew exactly who he was….the Court obviously already had that doctor in place while he was still in recovery…so, whoops. I mean, you could probably come up with an explanation about the Court, via their own tech and resources, having had some protections in place 24/7 that kept the satellite from affecting them even though they weren’t on guard for it specifically…..but again, Occam’s Razor….I feel like the real answer is DC just didn’t care enough to think things that far through. Especially since the average Bludhaven citizen, like Bea, at least didn’t seem totally blown away when Ric revealed to her that amnesia aside, he was supposedly some rich billionaire’s adopted kid….which again suggests that as far as the writers were thinking, people in general are familiar with the idea that Bruce Wayne has more than one kid.

Then you’ve got Jason’s whole situation, and to be honest….I really only have the vaguest idea what’s going on there, because reading Lobdell books is against my religion, and I am a devout and deeply spiritual person, as you all probably can tell. I mean, I know that there’s something going on where like, Jason had himself legally resurrected in the public eye and is openly referring to himself as Bruce Wayne’s formerly-assumed dead foster kid……but like, is that the official official word, or would other writers if you asked them say they’d been operating under the assumption Bruce had adopted Jason too at some point in the Rebirth timeline, or….idek, man.

I…..honestly don’t have the faintest fucking clue what to make of the many back-and-forth retcons about Tim and his parents and his official place in the Batfam/relationship with Bruce, and am actually slightly terrified of even trying to make sense of that clusterfuck of a Gordian knot, so my official stance on Tim is to just like….back sloooooowly away from the anthropomorphic-migraine-masquerading-as-a-backstory, without like….agitating it and accidentally setting off another multiverse Crisis birthed wholly from just that one all-consuming black hole of a retcon.

I mean, there’s a reason I basically just shoehorn all the kids’ official pre-Flashpoint family statuses into anything I write in Rebirth continuity, and that’s not just stubbornness and my refusal to play the “now this kid is adopted…now he’s not…now he is again….except he’s not….oh he’s adopted again…..oh wait now he’s not again" game. 

Its like. Also for the sake of my sanity and stuff.

(And also hahahahaha fuck you DC times infinity, every time you use the words “blood son,” or “real family” in a comic, or have one of Bruce’s other kids refer to Bruce as “your father” when talking to Damian, as if that’s not an utterly bizarre and roundabout way for any sibling to refer to their mutual parent and thus I j’ete REFUSE to acknowledge it as valid….ahem, anyway, my point is, every time they do that in a comic, I double down and headcanon Bruce throwing a random as fuck gala for literally no other purpose than to remind all of Gotham that he has half a dozen kids and they’re all better than everyone else’s. Ugh. Kill it. Kill the “blood son” nonsense with fire and lightning and also lots of stabbing maybe).

Anyway, that’s my official stance on DC’s stance on Damian in the books.

Then as far as Cass goes….ugh, her origins were pretty much utterly butchered by the New 52, which IMO has also failed to give us Cass and Bruce bonding and dynamics sufficient to Sate Mine Ire™, sooooooo…..I mean, my perception of the current canon is that Cassandra’s official status is “secret mystery foster child that nobody really knows about,” but because I do not care for that and there’s the whole not sufficiently sated ire thing I mentioned, I officially reject this canon and willfully replace it with pre-Flashpoint Bruce and Cass love and adoption. DC’s welcome to kiss my critically acclaimed hiney if I’m doing it wrong.

Which brings us last, but certainly not least, as its only this way because I go sequentially and Duke is still Shiny and New comparative to the others and will be until the next inevitable fostering/adoption/clone hi-jinks bumps him up the sequential ladder (except I randomly switched Damian and Cass around this time because LOOK I DONT MAKE THE RULES, THERE ARE NO RULES i hvea Adhd hiccup sob leavem e aloooone soooooob)…..

Duke’s official status, much like the rest of the Batkids, can be summed up as Honestly, I Really Don’t Have A Fucking Clue And Am Just Winging This Whole Thing.

I mean, there’s less inconsistency with him, due mostly to the fact that so few writers other than Snyder use him (boo, hiss, and not just because I hate having to give Snyder credit for stuff - look, I love his Duke, but I loathe how he writes Dami, its a thing, I just…don’t get me started). But what inconsistencies there are….well….they’re a bit glaring.

Basically one major storyline showed Duke as being an official foster kid/ward of Bruce’s and living out of the Manor with Bruce and Damian and occasionally Tim when he’s not off road-tripping around the multiverse….and then Batman and the Signal had Duke in the care of his uncle, who was stated to be his legal guardian and Duke was constantly sneaking out in order to meet Bruce in the special Signal-cave he built specifically for Duke to operate out of so he didn’t have to like, drive all the way out to the Manor to change just so he could then drive back into the city and patrol. And then Batman and the Outsiders just said fuck all that, here’s Duke and Cass hopping hemispheres with the Outsiders every other issue, so apparently nobody’s making unscheduled visits anywhere back in Gotham to make sure these two are where they’re legally assumed to be, which again, for the record is…..*error, source not found*

LOLOL and the really fun thing about this little back and forth is I’m pretty sure allllll these conflicting takes are all the work of the same writer. Like. GET ON YOUR OWN PAGE, DUDE.

Also, again I have to assume the “Can’t Be Bothered To Give A Shit, Or Maybe They’re All Just Really Bad At Logic” curse has struck again, because….uhhhh…..

….at no point anywhere in Duke’s stories have I seen Bruce or literally anyone else express concern about the fact that Duke living with Bruce as his official foster, like he definitely and clearly was at some point at least…..means that literally every single one of his We Are Robin friends who knows that he was taken in by the Batfam (and there’s several of them who know this)….like, by the transcendent properties of You Can’t Honestly Think They’re That Dumb, that’s a good five or six civilians out there who probably took all of five seconds to play connect the dots and figure out the Wayne family, having officially taken Duke in on paper…..is pretty likely the Batfamily.

I mean, I like all of Duke’s friends and would definitely headcanon/write them as all being trustworthy and able to keep this knowledge to themselves for Duke’s sake, if nothing else, but I mean, its pretty unprecedented for Bruce to out himself and all of his kids/allies by extension, to like, that many civilian teenagers all in one swoop….

…sooooooo, you’d think, AGAIN, logically, maybe, perhaps, this is the kind of thing that should be brought up in a narrative somewhere as a plot point worth delving into, y’know, just for shits and giggles and maybe a little bit of that whatchamacallit - oh right, character development, but.

Cut to DC: Naaaaaaah.

 *throws up hands and does the I Can’t Even Shuffle all the way home*

In conclusion:

DC is a mess. The official/public status of each and every Batkid is a mess. Except for Damian, the blood son, but we have that pencilled in on the schedule to be killed with fire and also stabbing, so he can get filed under ‘just a fucking mess’ with the rest of his siblings. Hashtag Solidarity.

I mean, I say just write or headcanon their official status however you damn well please, and it’ll STILL be more effort than I believe DC has put into organizing and staying consistent with all of this, and thus STILL make more sense than what we currently have to work with.

*Shrugs* If they don’t care enough to provide a clear canon blueprint to follow when mapping the Bat Family Tree, I can’t be bothered to care if the one I make up myself happens to contradict one single mention of one kid’s official status as claimed by one issue of one book.

Especially if it was written by Lobdell.

Jason’s just a foster son my ass. grumble mumble bitter vengeful swears and a pox on all DC’s houses. WHY DO YOU PEOPLE HATE ADOPTION SO MUCH, INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW AND ALSO FUCK YOU.

[ectonurites]

Batcest shippers read comics, actually. And they write them, and draw for them. Please continue to make a fool of yourself pretending otherwise.

i got ranty here so the tldr: yeah no shit, you’re taking something i tweeted entirely out of context, i’m well aware of those facts and im not ‘pretending’ anything lmao

onto my full response:

i see you must have come from my twitter! and yeah, i’m unfortunately aware there are people who ship batcest working for dc, its super upsetting! the person who designed the current red hood outfit just posted j*ydick on their twitter today, which is horrifying to see.

like listen im not... im not gonna go out and harass people for shipping batcest. I literally do not have the energy, and I know I’m not gonna be convincing anyone of anything bc the people who chose to ship batcest have made their choice there.

but I’m always gonna advocate for like, those people TAGGING THEIR SHIT so that especially minors but also anyone else who doesn’t want to see fuckin’ incest doesn’t need to. And like, the creation of lists of what creators are making that stuff so people can block and move on? I also think that’s good. Like I don’t think people should go harass anyone over this because its just... theres no point. But letting people who don’t want to see it know who to block so they can move on? that’s a good thing.

The comments of mine I think you’re specifically talking about were about a specific but common type of fanon batcest shipper, because like... immabe real! its very clear a lot of the batfam community on here in general don’t read the comics, (like, as in many people will OPENLY ADMIT that they don’t) and thats not even an inherently bad thing, like people are allowed to interact with media how they want to! But when people get so divorced from canon by only reading fanworks or versions of characters that have been altered and their relationships altered, its easy for misconceptions about all of it to spread, and people to be shipping pairings that literally bear no resemblance to the canon versions/relations of the characters. This isn’t even exclusive to the people shipping batcest. However with the people shipping batcest like... its when those relationships in canon get blurred by just a fanon game of telephone that it becomes easier for them to justify shipping it, you know? That was the point I was trying to make on twitter (i think it was last night? this morning? i dont remember. its 1am rn time is fake)

but like, i’m sorry but in current canon Jason, Dick, Tim, and Damian all consider each other siblings (and Jason had even made a comment at one point in rhato about having four brothers, meaning he probably includes Duke too!). That is... canon. You can see multiple instances of this if you’re reading current comics. And while they have complicated relationships with Bruce, they do all consider him a father (even when Jason says he doesn’t- he literally flip flops on it depending on how he feels in a given day because of his trauma and stuff, but like there will be times only a few issues apart where he will or won’t admit Bruce is his dad). All of these characters have been adopted (or in Damian’s case obv adoption wasn’t necessary) by Bruce in canon at different times (and Cass also, but that’s only in pre new 52 as of right now)

If you are chosing to ship any of the siblings together (or any of them with bruce) you are chosing to ship incest. That is an active choice you are making, and you have to accept the consequences of that. Any judgement/backlash you face for shipping incest is something you are accepting by chosing to ship it.

And if you go “oh but they’re only adopted siblings not REAL siblings-“ you’re an asshole, because adopted siblings are real siblings. I don’t care if they didn’t grow up together, do you realize how invalidating that is towards like, real life people? The amount of people I’ve seen who are adopted themselves get insanely triggered and upset by that kind of content (not just in this fandom btw!) because it just shows people don’t see those familal bonds as being real? It’s not insignificant.

I know ‘media affects reality’ is a controvercial topic, and like obviously ‘i see this thing in media thus i will do it’ is NOT how it works, but the things you normalize/glorify in media you consume says a lot about your thoughts on the topics. Framing matters. Like obviously ‘haha i watch hannibal, gonna go eat people now-‘ is not the case. especially because that media doesn’t frame it as a good thing. That’s the thing I think people miss in these discussions a lot of the time. If you are like ‘i am going to explore how traumatizing incestual relationships could be through these characters’ with batcest? like go off! that could be interesting honestly, and that’s not glorifying it. But acting like ‘omg i just think its so romantic ❤️’ with stuff between characters who canonically are siblings... again you are accepting the judgement that may come your way by publicly doing that.

anyways, i’m well aware of how prevalent batcest is both in the comics industry and around here, i’m aware plenty of them do read comics, and you definitely missed the context in my tweets of me saying things like “a lot” “it feels like many” etc when saying batcest shippers don’t read comics. Context matters my dude ✌️ (also wanna point out, a lot of really gross people work in comics. Racist people, antisemetic people [even today there was some controversy abt that in some hulk comic i believe?] these people being in those industries is... not a good thing even if its normalized???)

But really I think its kinda funny to uh call me a ‘fool’ for something you think I’m doing because you took my words out of context. And maybe you weren’t trying to come off as smug but you absolutely do here and it just strikes me as very funny that you like... are acting like you’re smarter than me or better than me for being okay with incest being normalized in a fandom for superhero comics, a type of media that MANY KIDS READ AND PARTICIPATE IN DISCUSSION ABOUT, while I’m bothered by it.

I don’t talk about this stuff much on here because again, I don’t want to fight about it, I’m not gonna go out of my way to try to change people’s minds on any of it because I know that won’t accomplish anything, I much prefer to just... ignore the content I don’t want to see, maybe warn other people especially minors who also don’t want to see it, and move on with my life. You really didn’t need to bring this to my inbox here, but like go off I guess 🤷

editing this quick just to add in the tweets i made i think this anon is referencing that i very clearly started with ‘so many of them’, not me saying it applies to all of them

[gronjon44]

Welp... here we go...

If you dont want spoilers then I recommend you skip this entire post because I do not respect this film at all to not talk about the shit that happens in this film.

⚠️AFTER THIS LINE ITS ALL SPOILERS⚠️

This films wants to be an emotional gut punch but it is so... I your face about it. Emotional beats are either predictable or just... they don't hit. And the ultimate sacrifice from Bhgs at the end while sad just doesn't hit anything. And the plot of "Oh the main villain manipulates the kid to go against his dad and the villain ultimately joins the rival team" is really predictable. And I know that in the end this is a film targeted to kids and thats fine. But this film felt like it was trying to be too hip and too aware (the entire joke about LeBron acting hip and the 'don't dab' comment is just not funny)

The jokes

The jokes in this film do not land for me, albeit 2 (the joke about Sylvestar grabbing Michael B Jordan instead of the actual Michael Jordan was ok and the fact Wiley Coyote was in Mad Max was really cool) ; most the jokes either fell flat or completely missed the mark (this film tried to be hip and modern with its humor and honestly it was more cringe than anything else.

Also idk if this was intentional or not, but can we stop making jokes about how companies are stealing our info and spying on us? We get it Zuckerberg is trash Facebook and other big companies are taking our personal info but seriously it does get old. Mitchell's vs the Machines was at least clever because it was about a big tech company abusing it's power. Space Jam: A New Legacy is about an A.I trying to make himself feel better cause he doesn't feel appreciated and is projecting his issues on a kid he cyberstalked for a whopping 3 minutes.

The Plot

The films Plot is predictable, short, and a around not engaging. The idea of bringing another pro basketball player to aid the Tunes in another wild game for their survival isn't the problem, it's the rest of the Plot that's the problem.

The first film had a simple enough Plot that worked really well (The Tunes have to win a basketball game against roided up aliens or they'll become Amusement Park attractions, and they need a bow retired player to hp them win) Its short and sweet and it works.

This film felt the need to overcomicate it by forcing a dramatic subplot into the fold which, can work. You can have a dramatic subplot while still being a Zany and fun film. But SJ:NL can't seem to decide which to focus on; it goes from zany and over the top one moment moment then gives you tonal whiplash when it jumps to the dramatic bits in the plot.

I genuinely think that this film would've benefited from focusing on the zaniness over the drama, since frankly that's always been the focus of the Looney Tunes

Loony Tunes: Back in Action and Space Jam 1 are two tonaly similar films but both have better comedy and each have their respective dramatic beats, though their both saved for the climax of the film.

LT:BIA and SJ1 both have they're own dramatic subplots (M.J makes the deal with Smackhammer to raise the stakes of the game and J.D has to save his father from the Chairman and his plans. The difference here is that these films, while adding a level of drama, don't let the drama overshadow what tnis film is actually about (the Looney Tunes)

SJ:NL let's the drama completely overshadow the actual Tunes and isn't really engaging (to me anyway)

Also I'd like to say that, while giving this film a video game feel was an interesting concept it just reminded me more of Pixels or The Emoni Movie (though this wasn't NEARLY as bad as the Emoji movie I'll say that)

That's something else about this film. It feels like one big advertisement for everything WB owns (much like how Emoji Movie was one big Smartphone ad) and while that isn't inherently a bad thing it can be a hinderence to the film as well (I wanted to watch the films that cameod in this film more than the actual film itself)

The Characters

Look this is the Tom and Jerry film again, we don't go to this film for LeBron and his fictional family (if some people do then that's fine) but most of us go to see the film for the Tunes and the cartoon asthetic, and there's plenty of that here. But I'd like to actually care about the human characters in this film frankly.

Let's just get this out of the way, LeBron is not a great actor. He tries his best yes but he is not a great actor in this film; he reminds me more of Vin Deisel when he acts (he has a voice yes but he doesn't act physically. It's like he's trying to have his voice match the film but his body isn't in tune with it.

Now I don't wanna hate on kid actors, they do what they can and they're kids. But listen this kid was not interesting at all, and id have rathered the film not include him (or very least make him more interesting other than the "Gosh Dad stop pushing your ways and beliefs onto me" archetype.

The Tunes are fine I have no beef with how they treated the Tunes (all for ONE detail)

The way thsi film treats the Tunes in this film bothers me on so many levels. "Send him to the Rejects" "Losers" The fact that they treat the Looney Tunes like they're some forgotten property is really unsettling to me. The Tunes have never been forgotten the notion that they ARE forgotten bothers me so much, regardless if it's a plot point for the film. The Looney Tunes are some of the most recognizable faces in ask of media, and I get this is supposed to be a "New School vs Old School" message like with the Father vs Son but my God I do not like how this protrays the Tunes.

Speaking of the rejects, let's talk about AL G Rythm.

My God this is the most uninteresting villain and his whole plan is so easy to spot from the start of the film. "Oh look at me, I have a bruised ego cause I feel unappreciated in my time and im gonna project my issues on this kid I cyberstalked while praying KING JAMES would bless me with his support." Holy shit my guy you have a bigger ego than Tony Stark and its more bruised than Bruce Wayne's back after Bane was finished. He is one of the most bland villains I've seen in awhile, and the Goon Squad is no better. The Goon Squad is nothing but cool designs and a refderence to more popular Basketball players (and yeah they're supposed to be cronies but at least make them cronies with personality; the Nerdlucks were funny, had personality, and were an integral part of the story (also the fact that they ACTUALLY HAD THE NERDLUCKS CAMEO in in film but they were rooting against the Tunes just... Ehhhhhhhhhh) And the Goon Squad was boring and didn't add anything say for AL G. stealing the kids algorithm to make his own team.

Also sidenote, them constantly calling him "King James" got really annoying really fast. Like we get you gave yourself that nickname, you're the current too NBA player rn and all that but you don't have to keep saying it my God.

Now what did I actually like about this film. Well quite a bit actually.

For starters, the animation was top notch and everything looked great. I thought the 2D models were a little odd at first (too shiny compared to the faded sleek of the original) but they grew on me. All the CGI models of the Tunes looked really great, say for Sam who just looked really weird to me (probably cause he loses his hat by the end and a CGI Yosemeti Sam without a hat just looks strange)

The Tunes also felt exactly how they should in a Space Jam film, Bugs especially. Yes Daffy was his usual comedic self and I like how they had him try and be the manager of the team instead of a player, and every other Tune was just as zany as usual; honestly of all the Tunes I'm genuinely impressed with how they treated Bugs (till the end)

Bugs was the most interesting to see in the film, wherein every character left Tune World except Bugs and he kinda became this Castaway parody (with his own makeshift Porky Pig dummy) and he was just really lonely and stayed true to the Looney Way and he just wants his family back. That entire subplot is the most interesting part of this film hands down; the only thing about Bugs's arc I didn't like was the end which was predictable, but i was still more invested in Bugs's arc than anyone else's.

Also when they showed the Tunes on the other WB worlds in the Warnerverse that's not the name ik but it's basically the Warnerverse the only Movie refferences that i thought were clever were Mad Max, Austin Powers, and Themyscira. And as much as it pains me to admit it the Rick and Morty Gag with Taz was probably the funniest of them, and I don't even like Rick and Morty anymore.

The Matrix was just eh, Yosemite Sam just didn't land, Game of Thrones was just not funny and I won't apologize. As far as the cameos/refferences in the end I'll say it again, I wanted to watch the movies and shows that cameod more than the film itself. I'm not gonna try to list them off but some highlights were seeing Gremlins, the Mask, every Tim Burton Batman villain/Adam West Batman, Thundercats, and Scooby Doo. Aside from that this was all just one big add for Warner Bros.

So I'm gonna try end this on a note that I know alot of people are gonna bring up or use to say shouldn't be brought up: Nostalgia.

Listen. This film has the same issue that alot of modern film reboots tend to have, which is the fact that it has to match the same hype as the film that came before it.

Now I'd like to say that this isn't gonna be a Power Point on reboots, God knows this is long enough as is, but the issue with alot of reboots is that they try to remake something that more often than not did the media justice the first time around. Robocop, Nightmare on Elm Street, Ghostbusters 2016, litterally every Disney L.A Remake. This isn't to say these films can't be good, or even surpass their predecessors. But more often than not they tend to miss the mark either just barely or drastically.

And here's the thing, this argument can also apply to sequel films that are following up an iconic film that for fhe most part is still very prominent in modern media.

Space Jam has, for better or for worse, remained one of the most iconic films every made, if not for its premise alone. And when they announced a sequel it was only inevitable that people compare it to the original because, let's face it, we want the new film to live up to the original.

We want this new shiny film to live up to the film we all knew growing up as kids and adults, seeing the Tunes on a basketball court for the first time back in the 90s. And frankly, this film did not do that for me.

This film, to me, wants to be what Space Jam already is. But it felt the need to try and thats the first step it failed; it wanted to be hip and aware and make loads of refferences to the original

This film has a similar issue to Ghostbusters:Answer the Call I think, where in it wants to stand on its own two feet, but jt cant help but constantly remind us of a much superior film. We know they've done this before you don't have to keep saying it "We need help with a basketball game Lola!" Been there! Done that!" "So you want me to help you win a high stakes basketball game? One that could very well decide both our fates? Hmmmmm where have I seen that before?"

This film is like that one kid in class who already proved he was right, and is still trying to prove he was right.

If you think this film is great and you enjoy it just as much as the original that's perfectly fine, I'm not gonna try to overshadow your opinions, I just want to share mine.

In the end, I'm gonna rate this film a solid 4/10 (and most of that 4 is the comedy and the animation and the Tunes themselves.) Can you watch this just for the Tunes? Absolutely. Can you like this film more than me? Also absolutely. Do I think this film would've been worth it if I'd have seen it in theaters? No not at all I'm glad I waited for HBO Max.

[curlyshepards]

LITERALLY i want all of them for curly shepard

IM SORRY TO THE MOBILE USERS WHO THIS WILL NOT APPEAR UNDER A READ MORE FOR

What does their bedroom look like?

idk why i’m such a firm believer of this BUT: tim and curly share a room, so typically half of it is clean and the other half (curly’s half) is a fucking mess all the time

Do they have any daily rituals?

every day for lunch at school him & his friends just go under the bleachers and drink. unfortunately curly has no limits so when lunch is over he usually just ends up ditching the rest of the day to go continue drinking somewhere else

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

he doesn’t make a conscience effort to exercise, but he walks basically everywhere when tim has the car. so he’s in pretty good shape bc of that & bc of fighting

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

curly has never made dinner a day in his life and will never make an attempt to nor does anyone want him to. if theres nothing already made at the house he’ll either just go without or go to the diner

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

he’s a generally messy person, but he takes pride in his looks so he takes care of himself. he’s always clean shaven and smells really good. his room, however, is a disaster scene

Eating habits and sample daily menu

usually not awake for breakfast, and for lunch he’ll scrap up whatever he can find in his house (probably ends up being a sandwich or cereal) and for dinner he’ll follow tim somewhere and make him buy him dinner. he loves eating at the diner and never underestimate his ability to eat breakfast meals at 11 o clock at night

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

his sole reason for going to school is to waste time (thats what he tells everyone at least but its rlly because tim will not let him drop out) but if hes not in school then he’s probably just walking around his neighborhood w/ his friends or hanging out at the strip trynna start fights

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

dont.....really know what this means. all im thinkin about is that chocolate stuff. but he likes chocolate so lets go with that. he could eat 50 kit kats in a row, probably

Makeup?

makeup sex? absolutely. he’ll start a fight with his boo just for the sex

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

i honestly dont see him having a mental illness

Intellectual pursuits?

intellectual isn’t really his thing. BUT  i can see him really liking labs and stuff

Favorite book genre?

he hATES reading, but mostly because he’‘s dyslexic and he was brought up thinking that he was dumb bc he had trouble reading. ponyboy is the one that ends up helping him, though, and sometimes he’ll read to curly (action books bc they’re the only ones that’ll keep curly’s attention. there are numerous times he regrets the decision bc curly cant keep quiet for more than a few minutes.)

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

(i can already see the purly supporters @’ing me yikes) but PERSONALLY i think he’s straight. idk what this means by thoughts on s.o. in general but im bisexual ??? idc about sexual orientation ??

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

he’s got a lot of scars, mostly on his knuckles but a few up and down his arms. he’s deathly allergic to seafood but doesn’t care bc it looks gross to him anyway.

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

biggest: honestly just making it through another day is an achievement to him

smallest: he swears that one day he will beat sodapop curtis in a drag race

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

biggest: being as respected as tim is when he’s older

smallest: he will own a puppy at some point

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

white t-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, and if its not too hot then a leather jacket. he hates jean jackets tho and WILL make fun of anyone who wears them

Favorite beverage?

beer. but also pepsi. hes weird.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

we’re about to get deep. on good nights he just thinks about his day. there’s never a boring time with him, so he’s always got a lot to think about. he could be thinking about a girl he’s met or just hooked up with, or about what his friends got into. on bad nights though, he thinks about his dad and how he never got to know him. he thinks about how maybe he’ll never be like tim, and he’ll never be the brother that angie falls back on (that doesn’t bother him as much as it should, but it still pops into his mind) the number one thing that keeps him awake is never amounting to the shepard name

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

just stupidity. he broke a lot of bones, needed a lot of stitches, and was bed bound too many times to count. there was one incident that tim loves to tell: the first time curly got into a fight. the guy was two times bigger than curly, but he didn’t care. the fight was done in 5 minutes, and curly had his first broken nose

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

turn ons: i can see him really liking outgoing girls/ girls that are upfront. also neck kisses, collarbone kisses, hair pulling, back scratching

turn offs: daddy kink (seriously, its gross, stop forcing this on my son. he already has enough daddy issues) but nothing else really he will do basically anything

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

either a very crude & poorly done drawing or a sign that says “curly is the hottest shepard”

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

he is NOT. it doesnt really bother him that hes disorganized, but it drives tim up the wall. he’s always getting onto curly for being a slob

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

he doesn’t really care, but since he’s forced to go to school he might as well enjoy something, which ends up being the labs in science. he likes the dissections, mostly, but he thinks looking into the microscopes are cool too (mostly bc him and his friends make shapes out of the slides)

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

alive, hopefully

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

he kinda just takes it day by day and doesnt care about the future. hes a strong believer that things will fall into place if theyre supposed to happen

What is their biggest regret?

probably being too emotional and not toughening up enough when he was younger

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

SO this is an OC but his best friend is a guy in the gang named brian. his worst enemy is also in the gang and his name is jimmy and he fucking hates that kid.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

he’s probably the one that caused the disaster, so he immediately tries to fix it on his own. which usually works, but it leaves a mess behind that he’ll attempt (and fail) to cover up. a few hours later he’ll get chewed out by tim.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

so lets say tim dies. tim is the only person that curly is really close to, because if there’s one thing that he learned from his brother it’s to never let anyone too close. but he always thought that tim would be there for him so he worshipped him. but ANYWAY tim dies and curly shuts down. i can honestly see him losing it bc tim was all curly ever knew, he was always there to fix the mess curly got himself in and now he’s just kinda alone in the world. he’d still have the gang, but they’d remind him too much of his brother, so he’d eventually cut ties with them. it’d take a major, new person to bring him out of his stump, and thats if he ever really brings himself back to normal

Most prized possession?

the hand-me-down leather jacket tim gave him

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

doesnt really care about them bc he doesnt have a lot. he likes the things with meaning, but couldnt care less about expensive & nice things

Concept of home and family?

hes VERY family oriented and a huge mama’s boy, but he hates his step dad. he’d do anything to protect angela and anything that tim asked him. family always comes first with him

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

it kinda depends. on his sexual life hes really TMI, but about emotions and family and secrets he’s really private. you could count on one hand the amount of people that he’s told private stuff to, and even then they don’t know the full story. i think the only people who would ever truly know him are tim and his significant other

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

football!! and hes actually good at it. tim never plays tho so the only time he gets to is with the curtis gang

What makes them feel guilty?

fucking up on a gang job and letting tim down

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

more emotional!! that’s the biggest difference between curly and tim. tim will think of the long-term effects before making a decision, where curly is more of an “act now, think later” type person. his decisions are usually the wrong ones, but they make for a better story

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

i’d wanna say type B, because he is super laid back and easy going and isn’t really competitive (unless its for a joke)

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

getting away for a while. he loves driving and ive always seen him as having a little secluded spot that he goes to by himself during his teenage years. eventually though he finds the right person that he can take, and just being with them makes him feel better

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

neither tbh. he may think that he’s better than some greasers (because honestly he is) but he doesnt think of himself as above other classes. he finds it unfair that socs and middle class people have a superiority complex, so it’d be dumb for him to have one. he just thinks everyone should be equal (but he knows theyre not, and for that reason he’ll fight any soc he can get his hands on)

How misanthropic are they?

hes very easy to get along with if you come from the same type of neighborhood. he’s open to everyone that’s cool with his gang, but he’ll be the worst kind of person to rival gangs and rich people. so he doesnt dislike people, because he can be a really cool guy, you just have to come from his streets

Hobbies?

football, fighting, drinking, poker. y’know, d00d stuff

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

he graduates high school and thats it. and he definitely values self education more, the stuff he’s learned by himself ahve been more useful to him than the Pythagorean theorem ever will be  

Religion?

he believes in a god but never really thinks about it. hes not religious by any means but i think it kinda comforts him knowing something comes after life

Superstitions or views on the occult?

he doesnt believe in superstitions imo!!

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

both. he’ll talk a big game and then follow through with his promises

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

THE QUESTION IVE BEEN WAITING FOR OK if curly ever fell in love, it’d be with someone making him feel okay with being him. they’d make him want to be a better man & not just a mini tim. they’d have to accept that curly would always idolize his brother, but they’d also help him detach a little. they’d love him for him and accept the fact that they can’t change him. they’d probably be just as wild as he is, bc they’d have to keep up with his lifestyle. they couldn’t take life too seriously and would never know what the future had in store for them. i can see curly eventually being able to be romantic, but it’d never be in public

How do they express love?

kisses, holding hands, little acts of kindness (giving them something that reminded him of them, asking how their day was, remembering little things)

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

daddy came to win

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

nah i dont think he is. i think he’s kinda accepted that there is a very real possibility that he won’t make it past 30 w the way he’s living, so that’s why he takes it day by day

[hauntedduckdefendor]

Not Jus’ the Whiskey Talkin’

Bastards. The whole lot of them. Swarming around Y/N like she was roadkill, and them all a bunch of starvin fuckin’ buzzards. Hell, the lass had only been workin’ here three months, and from the moment she walked through that door I knew she should be mine, that she would be mine. Those jean clad legs were long and amazin’ could probably wrap entirely around my waist, and don’t get me started on those eyes!! I could stare into them for hours and be completely content.

Her laugh just brought me out of my thoughts. Tig had just told her some of his cheesy pickup lines tha’ never work. “Dinna bore the lass Tig, she’s got work ta do” I called sliding my empty glass toward her. She gave Tig a smile which made me hate the fucker even more as she walked toward me. “Another Guinness then”? She asked looking at the clock. She knew I never drank this early unless I was in a foul mood, which today I was, thanks to the horndogs at the other end of the bar.

“You know I bet I could get Y/N in my dorm by the end of the night if I really put the Trager charm out on her” Tig told Juice as they worked on an old Chevy that needed more work than it was worth. “Not if I get to her first Tig, besides, I’m pretty sure her standards are higher than you” Juice laughed as he dodged the wrench that went flying his way. “Alrigh’ that’s enough ye muppets! Go find that wrench Juice, I’m not gonna hear Jax’s mouth about tool prices again” I bitched. Not liking the way they were talking about Y/N. “The lass isna a whore and ye best remember that”

“You okay Filip,” Y/N asked as she handed me my fifth beer of the evening. She was giving me that look of a concerned Old Lady. God, I wish she actually meant it. “Aye lass, jus’ had a rough day” She nodded, wiping down the bar in front of me. “If you need to talk, or let off some steam I’m here okay? You know I’m not like the rest of these gossip queens”.  Oh, I know that fer sure lass, ye lips are tighter than ye’ shirt. Which is showing off some amazing views if I must say so. Dammit Chibs, stop thinking to yerself, your not a terrified lad for Christ sakes!  I nodded. “Thanks, Lass. Would ye mind getting me a shot please”? She gave me the worried look again but nodded. Y/N slid the shot down the bar to me and went to check on the other guys, who were now bombarding her with more questions.

“Hey Y/N, what’s your favorite flower” Juice was giving her the puppy dog eyes as she grabbed his empty bottle and threw it in the trash. She loves daisies ye Muppet. “Well if you must know I love Daisies” her voice rang in my ear. A shit eating grin spread across my lips as I sipped my beer. I had left Daisies at the bar for her a little over a week ago. In fact, they were still in the vase, withered, and a little yellow around the edges, but she still had them. “I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m in town” Tig joked as he stood up from the bar. Ye better forget it as soon as you hit the can, Trager.

“You still doing okay down here” Y/N was right in front of me. I hadn’t even seen the lass walk up. Get ye shite together man. “Aye, love, just unwinding. Are ye doing okay? Want me ta tell ‘em to get lost” I nodded toward the end of the bar. Please let me tell them to get lost. She smiled at me and I thought my heart was going to burst. I loved her dimples. Ye did anythin’ ye could to make her smile the first month she was here ya arse. “No, they aren’t bothering me, besides, it’s my job ya know? You want anything else”? Are ye on the list. “Yeah lass, how about some more Jameson”? She nodded, grabbing the empty shot glasses in front of me. I still saw the worry in her eyes. All three of them. The lass dinnae have three eyes! You’re just drunk ye bugger. Will ye shut up, I’m nae drunk, and ye are getting on me nerves. “Here ya go Chibs. You feeling okay? Your face is a little red. She reached out and put her hand on my forehead like a mother would do a sick child. Her cool hands felt amazin’’ on my skin. Ye should go down a little lower lass. Dammit Chibs quit talking to me. Leave me alone to watch out for Y/N. She removed her hand and looked into my eyes. “I think you’ve had enough Chib’s but I can’t tell you what to do”. Oh yes, ye could and I would obey every order. “Nae, lass I’m good. Another shot would be lovely, though. Or ye could just bring the bottle.” There’s that look again. I’m not a child lass, I can handle the whiskey. I’ve been drinking the shite since I was seventeen.

Two more shots were placed in front of me. Smart choice love, I don need alcohol poisinin’ tonight. Tig’s voice once again filled the atmosphere of the clubhouse. Coming to stand beside Chibs’ he placed his hands on his brother’s shoulder. “The beds calling my name brother”. Better be all that’s calling yer name. “You sure you’re okay Chibby? You seem a little off today”. “Yeah brother, I’m fine, jus’ being lost in me thoughts and enjoying a drink or ten”. Tig laughed at me. Asshat. “A drink or thirty is more a like it. Sleep good brother. Oh, and don’t let Y/N forget to lock up”. My head turned toward the opposite end of the bar. Everyone else had gone to bed at some point or another. Leaving me and Y/N at the bar by ourselves. “Aye” was all I could tell Tig. I was concentrating on making the room stop spinning.

Y/N was down grabbing the empty bottles and glasses off of the bar, and taking them over to the sink. Feeling lonely now that all the talking had died down, I got to my feet and stumbled down to a chair closer to her. Before I had moved three feet, my boots were getting caught up in god knows what.  

Fuckin boots, tryin to embarrass me in front of the lass.

That’s when Y/N moved around the bar and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Come on champ, let’s get you to bed”. Her sweet voice was right on my shoulder. Hell, I knew I was a good foot taller than her.

Fucking Sasquatch. No, that was Opie’s nickname, tall bastard

 “Ye taking me to bed love”? I asked as I slung my arm over her shoulder. “Well, I don’t need you passing out at the bar. I don’t think you would be too happy with me if you woke up with a crick in your neck”. I laughed, “Lass, if ye were the one to wake me up I’d be happier than a fig in shite”. “What the hell does a fig have to do with shit, Filip,” she asked as I lost my balance. Grabbing onto the wall for support, I stopped. “What are ye talking about a fig. I said a pig in shite”

There’s that Old Lady look again.

“You said fig in shit Filip, Not pig.” “Nah lass, I said pig. I think you’re a little drunk. Ye been sneaking shots when we weren’t lookin’”

There’s that smile again. This time that rotten Juice hasn’t had anythin’ to do with it. It’s all ye Filip. “I think I let you have to much. Don’t you have to work in the morning”? Shaking my head was a huge mistake. Not only was the hallway spinning, but my stomach as well. My body was going to hate me in the morning. “I jus’ want ye to be happy, ye know that right lass” Now the Old Lady look was the confused, what the fuck is he going on about look. It’s now or never Filip, tell the lass, then go pass out so ye wont remember her turning ya down. Christ ye really need to stop talking to yerself’. Folks gonna’ tink’ ye’ve gone mad”.

I stood up to what I thought was my full height, the wall helping me keep my balance, along with the beautiful lady to my left. “Daisies. Daisies are ye favorite flower. Teal, your favorite color, and ye take your coffee with milk and sugar. “Ye are all the time reading on that fangeled e-reader thing, and ye smile so much at those fictional bastards. In the mornin’ when you think no one us up yet, ye sing Stone Temple Pilots, and Flogging Molly. Ye love any movie done by that Tim Burton fucker, but that one with the singin’ skeleton is your favorite, and ye know all the words. Even the ones not in the songs. Ye prefer cats to dogs, and ye’ love when it rains. Which hardly ever happens here.” She was giving me a look. One I didn’t even know how to describe. At the moment I was trying to figure out which of her faces to look at. “Sounds like you have been doing your research Filip”. I leaned back and rested my head against the wall. “Aye, well, that’s what ye do when ye love someone”. I felt her stiffen beside me. Fuck did you think that or say that?

“You love me”. It was a statement. Not a question. Ye done dug your grave lad, may as well jump in it. “Aye, I do love ye. That’s why I was drinkin all day. Tig and those other fuckers, want ye in their beds, but they dinna love ya. They want yer’ body sure, but not yer’ mind or ye heart. Not like I do”. She was standing in front of me now. Here it comes, she’s gonna smack ya then leave ye on the floor. Her hand came up to my face alright. But she didn’t slap me. Instead she ran her thumb over my scar, then moved her hand down to my neck.

“Your favorite whiskey is Jameson. Beer is Guinness. You don’t care if everyone hears you singing, even if we can’t understand the words.You love this club and your brothers more then anything. Tig is your best buddy, even though some days you regret that decision, and when you think I’m not looking, you like to steal glances at my ass. You left me teal daisies, and a gift card to my favorite bookstore last week, and didn’t think I would recognize your scribble on the note.”

Shocked. I was fucking shocked. “Looks like ye have been doing some research yerself, ye cheeky little minx”. Put ye arms around her waist. Girls love that ye know. “Well that’s what you do when you love someone. You pick up on their little quirks, and above all, you don’t tell them they have been talking to themselves out loud all night for the whole club to hear”. Fuck I was really talking out loud. “Yes you were really talking out loud. I’m glad you like my tight jeans, and the view my low cut shirt gives you. I give you the old lady stare because I worry about you.” I hung my head. “Ye must think Im bat shite crazy dont ye”? She laughed. “No Filip, I just think your extremely drunk and need to lie down. Come on, lad, we can figure out our new relationship in the mornin’”. “That was the worst Scottish accent I have ever heard” She helped me stand up as the words left my mouth. “Well, hopefully you remember all this in the morning and you can teach me how to do a proper one”.                       

[imnotmeimbpd]

Rachel-

Its 4am,

I still cant sleep.

All I do is toss and turn, until my sore body finally drifts into some sort of slumber. I rarely ever get 8 hours of sleep. Fuck, I'm lucky if I even get 6. And the nightmares rach, how do I stop those. I just got to the chapter where you start to talk about how these nightmares start occurring for you daily, weekly, I'm terrified to even read on. Too much in common, too much. Please tell me they stop, these stop. I've been having nightmares for so long, I cant even remember when they started. Lucid dreams, that'll have me gasping for air, and waking up in sweats. Nightmares have become so common for me, it's like it doesnt even bother me anymore. That's not normal.

The last few days have been lonely, and I hurt. It's those painful nights where you have to stay up until you just possibly cant anymore so when you hit the bed you just pass out. Cause you're up thinking, if you dont. But it's impossible for me to not either way I guess.

I never pictured my life turning out this way, you know. Having "everything", a place, car, job, really doesnt feel all that satisfying. I miss adventure, honestly I had more fun, when I had "nothing" to my name, then I do now. Obviously you learn to appreciate things more, become humble and grateful, so doing things, and I mean anything, was amazing. Now, I feel I'm stuck, in a never ending cycle. Get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Forever. What fucking life is that? I miss everything. I miss having friends. I miss cruises, with loud music, and laughs. I miss pool parties, and jokes by the fire. I miss 3am taco bell visits. I just miss not being worried about tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, or next month, or how am I gonna do this, or whatever.

Life is so unsatisfying. The fucked part, is I say I want friends, but I do everything in my power to push everyone away from me. I dont reply to people's messages, I dont text people back, I do nothing. Because 1, they arent sober, so I cant be around them. 2, they say they care, and I dont believe them. 3, 2. 4, 3. Or 5, all of the above.

The suns coming up. Rach, can I ask you something? I know we're only on second letter basis and shit. But since I'm basically just talking into a fucking void here anyway. I'm curious, ya know. I'm almost all the way through this book, and there is not one chapter on you and Tim's shit. Bpd relationships, is a pretty big deal. A pretty big failure, tbh. But you guys, have just been sticking it out this whole fucking time. Tim's probably just hanging on by a fucking thread at times, but hes still there. I mean what the fuck. How? Do we really have hope like that? People can honestly love us, thoroughly? You guys have been married for so long. I've been waiting, no offense, for the end. The big shift. Like our "happy ending" is probably just being alone, like I am right now. Thats why I push, Rachel. So they can be happy without me.

I dont mean to be cliche, but physically I dont think I've ever really seen real love in my life, ever. Thats why I dont feel I know how to properly give it out. I was raised around abuse, so I guess it was normal for me to be used to chaos. Majority of my relationships were abusive, physically, verbally, and/or mentally. Then when I was finally forced into the silence of being alone romantically and friendship wise, something changed. It was like after I was doing everything to keep my loneliness in tact, even if I didnt want to. I think that's when I took a turn honestly. Was when I finally was truly alone, alone. No one was there for me. I slept in a flea infested bedroom, whilst trying to stay sober, which I did by the way. I woke up every morning, covered in flea bites. My "best friend" at the time, lived with me, and wouldnt even speak to me, and also continued to use while I lived there. My other roommates didnt speak to me, cause i was "sober now". I was truly alone. That's when I broke and changed at the same time. I told myself I was done waking up like this. I got a job, I got a place, and my life changed immensely. I'm over a year clean from drugs and alcohol. But I think that's where I finally lost my last bit of sanity.

Ugh its 5am now man.

I should go. I'm ridiculous. This is honestly like some "Perks of Being a Wallflower" type shit,

right "friend"?

I am literally losing it, like fuck.

I'll talk to you soon.

~K.