#i dont even know how im gonna pay the internet this month

[teensie]

i wish things would just stop falling apart for 5 goddamn seconds. jinxed myself. my kitty cant use her hind legs anymore. shes 20 but still i dont know what to do.

[lunar-fey]

please keep sharing this and help if you can as of right now i still cant afford to pay any bills (except my $20 phone bill lol) or the house payment.... as of right now i tentatively need $600 more to make sure everything's paid for.

please help disabled transman + family stay housed

howdy, im nate and i hate to be doing this again but well. shits fucked. me n 3/4 of the other people that i live with are disabled, only one is on SSI (my mom), while the rest of us (me, my dad, and my brother) are still working on it. my brother is officially in a work training program, but it will be some time before he gets an income. the one abled person (my other sibling) IS working but lol. thats not enough for five of us. heres what i have right now - maybe enough for me to get my next refill of meds. (idk how much itll be without insurance/if ill still have it by then)

after almost two years i finally have a tentative diagnosis as fibromyalgia, but who knows if i can get on SSI or how long it will take, AND i am actively losing my insurance, either the end of this month (july) or next month (august) so I will need even more money to continue treatment....

As of now i have no income (if you want to commission me for writing/art/tarot reading/anything tbh those are just what i have experience in please please please send a message!) and need money for food, bills, medication, and to cover doc appointments.

ANYTHING HELPS but right now i am not setting any specific goal because I honestly don't know how long it will be until we are stable/how much we will need in the long run.

paypal.me/nat1172

cash.app/$natt1172

[murcielagatito]

god forbid a friend goes fucking homeless and you tell your roommate that theyll be staying here and theyre all like we gotta talk. you dont even pay your own fucking rent dont fucking we gotta talk me. its so fucking frustrating bc shes been so goddamn petty about this whole situation when my friend has literally lost everything but their car (which doesnt even run right now) and like???? we’ll be here for two/three more months fucking get over yourself

you kick all the devices off the internet when my friend doesnt have a phone plan either and their only way of applying to jobs and staying in touch with others was the wifi?

i wish she would realize how fucking privileged she is as a 21 year old that doesnt pay for her own living expenses and how goddamn hard it is to get back on your feet after literally losing everything. needed space? done i havent had anyone over for three goddamn weeks

i was homeless last summer and im STILL recovering from that but you wanna feel so fucking entitled about it. i have a feeling im gonna be paying for way more than my third of the rent and utilities and it’s honestly not fucking fair when she KNOWS i BARELY live paycheck to paycheck rn

[skautism]

ANSWER ALL THE EVEN NUMBER QUESTIONS ON THE ASK GAME YOU REBLOGGED!!! MWAHHAHAAHA!

(if u dont wanna do that thats ok lol just do like… 2-6… when i rb those posts i always lowkey wanna answer all the questions so i thought maybe u might enjoy this !)

WOOOO oh boy. ill skip the two i already answered (and fucking. misread)

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

im gonna only say happy things. having an art mom, my first internet friend ever who introduced me to vocaloid, and futurama

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

newsies (1992), borderline forever, and ghostbusters :3

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

incorrectly weighing a package before shipping it so that the recipient has to pay the postage

what made you start your blog?

musicals lol

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best: frieeeends :)/worst: strangers not knowing how to mind their damn business

what scares you the most and why?

death. do i need to explain that?

any reacquiring dreams?

mostly fucked up shit like getting sexually assaulted. also lots of getting lost. i only ever have recurring nightmares :/

tell a story about your childhood

my mom pierced my ears for me as a kid since the only option for a 6 year old in georgia at the time was claires and she doesnt like claires at all. we had to do each ear months apart because it hurt a lot and scared me. had to give in and do the other ear because my dads 2nd wife said one ear was tacky and they were about to have their wedding

would you say you’re an emotional person?

nooooooooooo the only place im vulnerable on is here

what do you consider to be romance?

longass walks together

what’s some good advice you want to share?

LEARN TO TOUCHTYPE

what are you doing right now?

about to get back to my fic draft yippeeeeeee

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

nothing really? its either "i dont care that im scared ill do it" or "yeah i dont want to do that i dont think id like it"

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

very silly but. wii and 3ds

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

we are removing my health problems

name 3 things that make you happy

writing, mario kart, trapeze

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

both

favourite thing about the day?

sunny breeze :3

favourite things about the night?

its quieter and easier to walk around because theres less cars

are you a spiritual person?

i mean i believe in ghosts

say 3 things about someone you love

they make really cool music and are supportive of what i do without trying to force me into bullshit and make me really happy

say 3 things about someone you hate

he doesnt know how to actually take accountability for fucking up, hes a dick to my mom, and tried to force me off my meds when they were still working

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

im writing again! i thought i never would actually get the ideas and motivation back

fave season and why?

fall!!!!!! halloweeeeen and better weather and stepping on leaves and pinecones

fave colour and why?

purple. its pretty :)

any nicknames?

i have a few based on my real name but wont share them for obvious reasons lolol

what do you do when you’re sad?

jack off

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

card games

are you messy or organised?

extremely fucking messy

how many tabs do you have open right now?

13 on my laptop

any hobbies?

game collecting, playing video games, cd collecting, various art mediums including digital and traditional art and sewing/embroidery and knitting and linocut/blockprinting, obsessively reading tvtropes, bass, piano, guitar, saxophone, sudoku, solitaire, and writing fanfiction

any pet peeves?

people going "shhhh" it hurts my fucking ears SO BAD

do you trust easily?

yeah

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

walls up. i know that directly contradicts trusting easily its complicated

share a secret

id rather not

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

look at my pinned post and guess. and because i like video games and its funny and i like the characters

any bad habits?

vaping and also my ten billion ocd compulsions

[unknwnblogz-2002]

july 20 .. the only reason i stopped writing is because i stopped feeling things .. i didn't do anything to make it stop, it just stops because everything hurts inside me .. now that im writing again makes it nostalgic .. and i know that no one will ever read my letters because all the things i wrote is only for me to read over and over again .. until i finally understand what im truly feeling but.. if someone will ever read all of this i know that they'll never understand what this teenage girl been through ..but ill still write anyways ...

aug 3 @3:13 am.. a late post because i rewrite everything this past months i received nothing but heartbreak .. not just heartbreaks .. ive been dealing a lot within me but i can feel that once i disappear and shut the internet off itll be okay .. but im gonna be so lonely.. thats why until now ive been dealing with it .. writing here miserably ... i dont understand how i always end up in a place where i started .. im always begging pleading for so long to end it ... and now that he left me, all the pain comes back and im suffering again .. its actually pathetic that ive been writing about how much i suffer for a long time now .. i dont think ill change ... im so lost to the point where i still want to beg for him to stay even if he doubt my intentions over and over .. cos ill never get tired making him feel wanted by me ... he helped me get through it all and loving him is my way to pay back .. i really hate this rain even if its my favorite weather cos i didnt get to see him .. i wish it just stops ..i just want to see him and maybe ill tell him how much i love him ..

[virmillion]

complainin’

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[teamjacobthot]

some ppl can get very... let's be nice and say 'interpretive', when it comes to the cullens. but I can't understand why they are so excited about midnight sun. The cullens will not act like they do in these peoples lame repetitive textposts. Racism and mormon ideals shaped the the entire saga and the cullens will be the same unlikeble characters smeyer wrote in the other books and people will be disappointed. I think it's very telling how some can say fuck smeyer yet give her their money..

you’ve made some points. however, ppl have the right to be excited abt their faves (unless you stan the confederate which is 😐) no matter how boring and unlikable they are to others. i dont think cullen stans will be disappointed by midnight sun if what they’re looking for is new content. this whole book is literally just team edward/cullen fan service. now if theyre looking for GOOD content.........well this book IS written by smeyer so................ 

i think the fandom (or at least the people i interact with) understands that this book isnt gonna be particularly well written, groundbreaking, or even like.......good. ofc, the twihard communities on facebook and instagram are gonna love it, but that’s why we don’t claim them lmfao. i think midnight sun will just be more content to make fun of. i personally loveeeeeee making fun of twilight bc it’s just so easy to and some of yall are funny as hell, so i’ll take my meme folder and totally legally obtained copy of the book and have a blast with the absurdity, as well as rightfully drag the inevitable racist parts and call out the cullens bc i was gonna do that anyway. thankfully i have the capacity to do both and my contributions wont put any coin in smeyer’s purse whatsoever.

now when it comes to ppl saying “fuck smeyer” yet giving her money anyway........ i have some thoughts....

ofc i can only speak for myself, and obviously, all of this is my opinion. ppl can spend their money however they want, but im definitely gonna side-eye the “i bought the book BUT i still hate smeyer/donated to the tribe/reblogged anti-racist resources/etc” crowd. like do you really hate smeyer then? do you REALLY? maybe im just built different. or maybe racism holds more weight to me bc i’ve actually experienced it as a Black person and it doesnt exist as some new internet concept for me. idk. either way, there is just no “BUT” to me when it comes to racists, especially if you have the choice NOT to financially support the very racist you drag on the internet. 

talking shit on this blue hellsite is free. rereading the twilight books you got back in 2009 before you knew better puts zero dollars and zero cents into smeyer’s pockets. buying a brand new copy of midnight sun literally does put some dollars and some cents into her pockets though, even if you donate to the Quileute nation too. as twilight fans, i feel that we should all donate to the Quileute nation anyway, whenever possible. but even if you pay for a brand new copy of midnight sun AND donate to the tribe, you’re still giving the racist author your money. you just are. no amount of money donated to the tribe can negate smeyer gaining money from you buying her book. it is what it is. you can spend your money how you want but like...... *jane voice* keep that in mind. obviously its better to buy the book and donate rather than buy the book and NOT donate, but maybe ask yourself why having a new, amazon supplied copy of ~*twilight again but in edward’s perspective*~ is worth the cognitive dissonance when paired with the abundance of “fuck smeyer” posts on your blog.

oh and also! it’s so easy to get the book in ways that dont give her any/as much money! there are local libraries. there are secondhand bookstores. i know damn well it’s gonna end up in value village in a couple months right next to all the other twilight books. there are p*r*t*d copies BOUND to end up on the internet within a week of the book dropping. i probably couldnt get away w this this bc im Black, but fuckin steal the book from target or walmart or something!!! use that white privilege if you got it!!!!

if youre like me and wanna read midnight sun but dont wanna give a racist your money, there are ways to get it. but pls spare me if youre gonna cry “fuck smeyer” on here and still buy the book lmao.

[tf-guru]

From selling to building [f->Raven] MC

Isn't it crazy how one simple decision can change your entire life. Investing in the right place at the right places, losing your life savings after a shady internet deal, hell even forgetting your coffee one morning causing you to collide with a lamppost. God I would kill for even a sip of coffee, hard to get it in my current situation. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My name was Valley Jackson, one of the most successful realtors in Southern California. I don't know why I'm creating this manuscript in my head, its not like I'll be able to write or even tell someone about it. Maybe it's what I would create if I were to be human again. Maybe it's just to keep me sane. Regardless here's what happened.

I had been traveling north to LA to secure a deal with one of my higher paying clients, normally I'd have them come to me but due to their status I decided to make the drive. I was on the highway around 10:30 at night when I missed my exit. That little mistake cost me everything...

Valley let out an exasperated curse as she looked ahead to see when the next exit would be coming up. In her 42 years of living in California she had visited LA maybe three times. Seeing the next exit approached she signaled and got off the highway. She was 5'6" with an absolutely stunning figure. At that time her auburn hair hung just below her shoulders and her nails were painted white. She looked down at her gps and saw as it started to emmit static before shutting off entirely

"Damn it" she muttered as she realized she was in the middle of nowhere. After about a half hour of driving in circles she finally was about to give up and try again in the morning when a sign glinted just ahead. It read "Pan's antique shop. Open 24 hours! Maps and sightseeing guides provided."

"Oh thank god! Kinda strange its open 24 hours but I guess when tourism is your biggest income it wouldn't hurt to take in a late night traveler."

Soon she pulled into the long driveway marked by another sign. Down the road was a decent sized rustic store. Its arched windows alight with a yellow glow. She parked her car and entered the shop. Behind the counter was a twenty something man who was reading a book. He looked up and said

"Hi welcome to Pan's antique shop. What can I help you with?" Valley replied

"Oh I'm on my way to LA and missed my exit, do you have a map I could look at?"

"Sure, feel free to look around while I get them."

As he took a door behind his desk Valley looked around. There were various items, old political pins, rotary phones, a Walkman, but Valley only saw one thing that caught her eye. It was a pair of Raven shaped earrings. She was drawn to them almost magnetically, their golden beaks glinting in the shops lights.. She grabbed them and headed back to the counter. The man had returned with a few traveling maps.

"Did you find something you like?"

"Yeah, just these earrings. I take it you're Pan?"

He gave a small chuckle with a hint of something else but Valley couldn't quite determine what

"Oh no, definitely not. Pan's the owner, I just work night shift."

"Ah, well thank you!" She paid for the earrings and grabbed the maps.

"Drive safe!"

As Valley started to leave she suddenly felt really lightheaded before passing out completely.

"We're just gonna head about a hundred more feet ahead then we've made it to the camping spot."

Valley opened her eyes to see one of the magnificent California redwoods ahead of her. Confused, she looked over to see who spoke.

"You okay Valley? You look kinda pale." The speaker was a woman around her age with brown hair and a more slim figure than Valley's

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"Uh Valley are you okay? Its me, your childhood friend Hailey? Do you seriously not know? Maybe we should look at that medici-"

"Im just kidding Hailey!" She was sensitive about discussing her medication. New memories appeared as she realized she did know Hailey, of course she did. She also remembered how she had decided to take this trip to celebrate Haileys 40th birthday.

"So just another 100ft Hay?"

"Yeah, if you're sure you're alright."

The pair continued the 100 feet before coming across a good enough sized clearing. Valley looked around while Hailey removed her tent bag from her back.

"You gonna help or just gawk?"

"Be right there Hailey!"

After some tribulations the pair managed to secure the tent to the ground. Valley removed two sleeping bags from her backpack and the pair began to undress. However as Valley took off her jeans something clattered to the ground. She reached down and picked up a pair of Raven earrings. Hailey turned around and froze.

"That's odd, I thought I got these on my way to-" she stopped as regained recollection of what had just been happening a few hours prior. She scratched her arm and looked at Hailey

"Oh uh silly Valley dont you remember getting those at the trail gift shop?"

"I got these at an antique shop today. In fact, I don't remember what happened after that. Did you drug me?"

"Valley you're not thinking clearly must be the medi-"

"No! Its not my medication! I don't even know you!"

"Valley I-"

"Did you bring me here to kidnapp me? Are people coming to kill me? I'm leaving!" Valley exited the tent with no pants or shirt and started to head back to the road.

"Wait!" Valley gave the finger and continued.

"I said wait." Hailey said in a dominant tone and Valley suddenly felt her knees lock. Something or someone was controlling her.

"What the hell?"

"Valley, I'm sorry it has to go this way. I was hoping-"

"Somebody help! Somebod-"

"Silence" Valley tried to scream again but no sound came out. She looked back to Hailey, terrified.

"Im sorry you're having to go through this. Here's how its gonna go, you are going to transform into a raven in a minute or two. My name is Hailey but this isn't me"

Before Valleys eyes Hailey underwent her own transformation. Her breasts retreated slightly into her chest as she lost some height. Her features softened and when it completed she looked to be in her early twenties.

"Im gonna give you the ability to speak and move but please don't scream."

She snapped her fingers and Valley fell to the ground. She looked up at Hailey and retorted

"I dont know what kind of drugs you've filled me with but-" she looked at her arm as she felt and itch. On her left arm was a single black feather. Not laying on it but actually attached to it. She pulled at it only to feel a sharp pain. As she watched more feathers sprouted down her arm. With each feather she grimaced but as soon as they reached her hand something else happened.

Her fingers merged together to form a single appendage. Only then did she realize it was real.

"P-please don't do this to me. I have a life! A career!"

"Don't worry, Pan's already sorted everything out. All your clients belive they've been using a different realtor, your family only remembers your brother. Its all packed away."

"I want to talk to Pan, please!"

She looked at her foot and saw three sharp talons poke through her sock. With her good hand she reached down and removed the sock. To her shock her ankle was covered by a corse yellow layer of a scale like texture.

"Im sorry, no can do. Pan's pretty busy and doesn't worry about stuff like this. I can take a message though."

"Please tell him to stoooaaaawk!" She grabbed her mouth and felt as her lips began to hardnen and push back against her hand.

"I'll tell him that, here's this." She handed a small mirror to Valley who looked into it. Her face also had jet black feathers on it, removing her hand revealed a small beak forming. Three more talons burst from her other foot as she pleaded once again

"I caaaaw! I caan't be a raven! I'm a human!" Hailey walked over and removed Valley's undergarments. Looking into the mirror Valley saw her face was covered in feathers and her mouth had finished becoming a beak. Her other arm followed the first as she dropped the mirror. Trying one last time she tried to plead

"Caw! Caw caw!" No matter how hard she tried she couldn't speak. So, she reached out with her wing and touched Haileys hand. But as she reached out it became harder and harder to extend her arm as they slowly tucked behind her back. She looked down with a shiver of ironic pleasure as her anus and vagina moved together to form her cloaca. Then she began to shrink. She hunched over, her body reforming so she would never stand upright again. As the transformation finished Valley looked down into the mirror and saw her eye shift from brown to purple, she fully resembled a raven. New thoughts entered her mind

'Eggs'

'Nesting'

'Flight'

'Mating'

'Offspring'

While she retained her human thoughts and mind she now had these new impulses and urges. She looked up to see Hailey writing in small notebook.

"Valley, Raven with purple eyes, room..." she checks her watch

"Room a2e365. I'm sorry this happened but try to become acclimated with your new life. Goodbye Valley."

She then faded away, leaving Valley alone.

Well, that's my story. After Hailey left I was forced to adapt to my new body. The first month I would continually hope to just wake up in my bed, ready for my old life. But that never happened. I got used to eating whatever I could find and flying oh flying. If there is any upside to the change (I still want to go back to my old life every day) its flying. Being able to soar through the skies unrestricted is freeing. The area im in is strange because if I fly more than around two miles in any direction I blink and end up back at the (now gone) campsite. I eventually figured put how to build a nest. Its not much, just some twigs in a tree but its mine.

One day I was doing my daily routine when I heard a whistle from bellow me. Soaring down I saw Hailey with a bag of birdseed. I perched on a tree branch near her and stared at her with resent. I continued my gaze until she extended some seed and my bird instincts took over and I automatically ate some.

"Thats better, I'm sorry I took so long to visit. How are you doing? I know its a big change but at least you have plenty of room to fly around. I got you this by the way, should make things easier."

She hung a small bird feeder on a nearby branch and continued

"Well, I'll be back." And she left me alone once again. She still visits every once in a while telling me more about how I'm lucky I still have my intellect and how I could behave been left as a mindless bird. I guess I am kinda lucky. Hold on, I see another Raven approaching my nest. Ooo he's a male, maybe ill get to feel the full bird experience ;)

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[toshisae]

call me baby

summary: in which chenle gives you the entire world in exchange for some love

genre: crack, fluff and another pinch of angst 

theme: ceo!chenle (sugardaddy au but without the sexy shit its just he buys you things in exchange for you loving him ok? ok) 

word count: 2.8k

author’s note: HIIIII ITS BEEN A LONG ASS TIME SINCE I WROTE SOMETHING SO HERES THIS also theres no sexy time unless the sexy time u want is going on an endless shopping spree then this fic is for u!! its just another crack idea i had lol and this is just to get rid of writers block or smth despite having this in my drafts for the longest time

–

you know how people say not to chat with random strangers from the internet?

because it’s terrifying and shit??

well you never listened 

here you are on a friday night on your phone

looking for some 40 year olds to troll

on this sugar daddy app you randomly found one day

not like you needed money or whatever

you lived with your brother jaemin who’s a doctor

so i guess you could say u’re: $$$$

and it’s just that you have nothing to do

what’t the worst that could happen right?

ding!

your phone vibrates in your hand

it looks like you’ve matched with your designated sugar daddy

“congratulations! you’ve matched with 6chittaphon9”

you looked at his profile and saw that he’s a 23 year old dancer

not up for it, you swiped left

“give me the good shit bro” - you tell the phone

you clicked the globe icon on the bottom of the screen

it switched you to a radar where it scans for possible sugardaddies who use the app

a little later your phone dings again

“congratulations! you’ve matched with zhong$”

and when you clicked on his profile,,

you let out a big big gasp 

he’s a 18 year old ..

looking for.. sugar babies??

if you were drinking something then you would’ve spat out that liquid real quick

you swiped to the right and sent this dude a message

“hi”

ok so chenle right

chenle is the youngest billionaire in the world

bye kylie jenner oof

after his father’s passing, his company, zhongs inc. was in his hands

his father’s last wish was to have chenle get married at a young age

but chenle obviously didn’t like that idea

he wanted to experience a normal teenage life where he parties, drinks, date some random girls or whatever a pesky teenager does

so he found himself downloading a sugarbaby app

also just for the lolz like c’mon this is chenle the king of clownery

the c in chenle means clownery wbk

he had the money, the looks, almost anything you need for a man

so he quickly made his account

and not a minute later he already matched with someone named ‘<y/n3’

he sees that this y/n person already sent him a message

so obviously he replies

“hello”

you: asl?

chenle: 17 / m / seoul; u?

you: same except im a female

chenle: well ain’t that obvious

on the outside you bursted out laughing

you: ok capt. crunch so would you like telling me your name or is it confidential

chenle: i mean, i guess its kinda confidential but the company wont know anyway but im zhong chenle 

you: ????? are u important or sumn

chenle couldn’t believe his eyes

chenle: um.. im ZHONG chenle

you: whats so special with your name

chenle was actually quite glad you dont know about his name or his background

chenle: nothing so wyd

it didn’t take awhile for you two to get along 

since you two had the same type of humor and age

you: why are you on this app tho if you are “young and rich”

chenle: i could ask you the same question

you: its friday my dude and im bored 

chenle: well,,,,,,,,,,, idk my friend recommended it to me

you: you’re friends with a bunch of old people?

chenle: nO I MEAN YES?? I MEAN NO 

you: ... are u fucking with me

chenle: no i’m not fucking with you, im talking to u :D 

in the end chenle asks you if it was okay that he’ll send you some money for fun

chenle: yk this app is about sugardaddies looking for sugarbabies right so lets make the most of it and give me your paypal or venmo and ill send you some cash for talking to me <3 

you: wtf chenle no its fine!!! i had lots of fun talking to you and this app is just a whole ass joke but im glad i met a new friend here but its okay dont send me some money !!!!!

chenle: nooo think of it like i’m treating you out for some dinner so please allow me 

you: still ! i wont let you,, till i get to see you so i know youre not some 40 year old i still think you are

chenle: how many times do i have to tell you im really 18 years old ffs but sure, when are you free?

on the inside youre just like: ASJDHJHDUIADHASJKDAHAHD WHAT THE FUCK

you: uhh i have school so i’m always busy hehehe

chenle: then i’ll see you in your school, what school do you go to?

this kid doesnt know when to give up

you: hhhhhhh i guess then i’m free tomorrow 

chenle: GREAT! I’LL SEE YOU ON HONGDAE here’s my number boo

and there you have it

your first unofficial meet up with zhong chenle himself

you were too much in thought about meeting him you didnt even notice jaemin standing there with pizza in his hands

“what are you staring at sis?” - jaems

“uh nothing” you snatched the pizza from his hands

fast forward to tomorrow

you were getting nervous to meet chenle

“hey where are you going?” jaemin takes a peek of you in your room

can he stop scaring you like that

“going out” - u 

“going where?” - jaems

“hongdae”

“cuteee do you have a date today?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you

“no-”

“are you going out with that pizza delivery boy?!” jaemin suddenly gushes

“jeno?” you ask him

“yeah that one” - jaemin

“no, i’m just gonna go shopping” you brush him off

jaemin shrugs and gives you some pocket money to spend

“be safe and have fun” he closes the door of your room

after safely arriving in hongdae, you sat somewhere thats not that crowded

who knows if this chenle person is famous right

so there you were waiting for him to text you or something

and just like that, your phone rings

it was an unknown number

but you answer anyway

“hello this is chenle, may i ask if you are in gongcha right now?” 

you looked around the people who’s passing by hoping to see someone fancy looking holding their phones

suddenly someone stops right in front of you

“found you” 

with that, chenle hangs up and sits across the table from you

“hi, i’m chenle” he gives his hand out for you to shake

and man, you were shookt

he looks like an ordinary teenager 

or a hypebeast for this occasion 

“o-oh .. h-hello” you bow

chenle suddenly laughs at your reaction 

his laugh is beautiful 

“don’t be nervous baby, i mean no harm” he smiles

his smile that totally made your heart melt

“how could i not? you’re the youngest billionaire out here” you gushed

chenle shushes you after the billionaire part

“sorry about that, it’s just i don’t like it when people tell me that” he tells you casually

ok humble king

“have you ordered yet? if not let’s order right now, on me” he grabs his wallet from his pocket and heads inside gongcha

after taking your orders, you two sat outside again with your drinks

“so y/n.. tell me about yourself” chenle takes a sip of his drink

“well, like i told you last night, i’m a student in college and i live with my brother who’s a doctor and that’s about it.. what about you, mr. zhong” you giggled

“first of all, don’t call me mr. zhong. you can call me lele instead and i love music and i like to play the piano and sometimes i sing” he shares, showing off his pearly whites

and after some many more conversations with him, he finally asks you an important question

“ok last question” he laughs, “i know it’s kinda weird but i really like your company and i know we met through a sugar daddy/sugar baby app but would you like.. stay with me..?” he asks cautiously

you stared at him with wide eyes

“i’ll pay for everything you want.. just,, stay or keep me company..?”

you kept quiet, just in shock on what just happened

“it’s okay if you don’t want to, just forget that i asked” he laughs awkwardly

“no it’s okay, i’ll keep you company but please please don’t pay for everything. i can pay for myself” you tell him

“why not? i got money, i can spoil you with gifts” he looks at you confused

“if you can’t remember, i’ve got a brother who’s a doctor and i guess we’re loaded too you know” you roll your eyes at him

“pfft okay then so.. where were we” 

and with that you guys carry on your conversation 

months has passed and you’ve been with chenle through everything

every time something happened in his company, you were there comforting him or just keeping him sane through out everything

and within those months, you’ve seen different sides of him as well

like the serious side of him– when he’s in business meeting and you’re his plus one 

aside from his secretary of course

the funny side of him– when he’s cracking jokes to literally everyone

sometimes he takes days off in the midst of his own company just to pull pranks on his secretary, renjun

and of course, his vulnerable side– when he feels he can’t do what his father left him, the family legacy

there were night where you had to stay over at his place just to make him calm down or just to make sure he’s sleeping or eating well 

and tonight was those vulnerable nights of chenle

here you were in his room, on the floor holding his hand as he rants about how his day turned to shit 

“it’s just so.. hard you know?” he opens up, “when everyone expects you to follow a certain life but i’m not all about that business shit life! i want to sing or fucking play the piano or do some teenager shit not this paper work life!” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence

“ah shit i’m crying in front of you again” he laughs, wiping the tears 

you don’t say anything but held his hand tighter

“thanks y/n.. you’re the best” he smiles down at you

“anything for you, chenle. that’s why i’m here for you right? to keep you company” you smile back

“can you.. come up here with me” chenle motions for you to sit beside him on the bed

you agree and climbed up

chenle sits up awkwardly, staring at you.

“woah this is the first time i had a girl on my bed” he giggles

“then i’m honoured” you laugh

suddenly your phone vibrates multiple times

you take a look and its your brother looking for you

“who is it?” chenle asks

“it’s my brother, he said i should go home” you slowly push yourself from his comfy bed

“no, it’s late. i’ll take you home first thing in the morning” 

“i don’t want to be a burden to you lele” you say shyly

“you’re never a burden to me y/n” chenle smiles again

that night, you slept in his very arms for the first time

you wake up earlier that him and decided to prepare breakfast for him

you set the eggs and bacon on the table with orange juice

you smiled at your efforts, hoping he’d like it

chenle woke up in distraught since you were no where in sight

he was in his pajama pants and he rushed downstairs to check if you were still there

and thankfully, you were

you were on the dining table, waiting for him with breakfast ready

“good morning” he grins, face looking brighter than ever

you smile back at him, “good morning to you too, sleepyhead. help yourself with some breakfast”

chenle takes a seat and sips on the orange juice next to him, “did you make this?” he asks

you nod, “for you” 

you could’ve swore you saw him blush for a moment there 

and with that, you two ate in peace, just enjoying each other’s company

a few days later

you couldn’t make it to chenle’s office since you had classes and it was exam week 

chenle was obviously very lonely that week

even his own secretary checked up on him cause he was awfully quiet ever since you came into his life

“so how are you and y/n huh” renjun casually asks chenle who was busy reading papers on the table

“we’re doing great” chenle replies nonchalantly 

“are you two going steady now?”

that question made chenle halt to a stop on what he was doing

renjun notices that chenle turned quiet

“i never asked her to be official” chenle gasps, scaring renjun in the process

“wha-”

“renjun hyung can you get me the biggest bouquet bundle you can find” chenle rushes

renjun nods and grabs his ipad, looking for what chenle requested

“fuck.. what did y/n wanted again” chenle asks himself, trying to remember the bag or things you told him about

“call jisung and tell him we’re going to the mall” chenle tells renjun yet again, rushing to the elevator so he could go to the mall with his best buddy

“so what are we buying your special someone again?” jisung asks chenle who was busy pacing around the mall

“y/n said she wanted a bag but i cant remember what was it” chenle tells jisung who just looks as lost as he was

chenle ended up going to every luxury store they had in the mall

like louis vitton, gucci, prada, balenciaga, fendi

you name it he went there and bought one bag each

he even went to some make up stores thanks to jisung’s suggestion

surprisingly he had a girlfriend who was a makeup artist and puts make up on jisung’s face when they have nothing to do

and of course, chenle followed what his best friend suggested

now they were on their way back to your place cause you just texted chenle that you were almost done with your exam

chenle and jisung unload his car and went straight up to your apartment that you shared with your brother

and your brother answers the door

“uh chenle? what are you doing here?” jaemin answers the door

chenle stood there in shock once again, “jaemin hyung? you’re y/n’s brother?” he stares at jaemin confused.

jaemin nods slowly before realization hits him, “you’re the person y/n is seeing?!” 

chenle nods uncertainly, slightly offended you never told jaemin about him but quickly shrugs it off. 

“well surprise! now can you help us with this? i’m asking y/n to be my girlfriend when she arrives home” 

jaemin immediately steps in and helps the two boys

after an hour or so, everything is now set into place

now they were just waiting for you to arrive

chenle stood there with his usual work attire which was a formal suit, holding a big ass bouquet and the paper bags right behind him

“jisung how do i look?!” chenle looks at jisung who was showing him two thumbs up

“dashing bro, she’ll say yes in no time”

and as if on cue, you walked in

and to say you were shocked to see chenle standing there 

“lele! what are you doing here?” you covered your mouth in shock as you saw the never ending line of paper bags right behind him and the bouquet he was holding

“i’m here to ask you to be mine” he replies, staring at you once again

“does my brother know you’re here?” you look around your living room and you spot jaemin in the kitchen, watching the entire thing go down

“yeah. why didn’t you tell me he was your brother” chenle pouts, but shakes his head as he hands you the bouquet

chenle clears his throat once again, “na y/n.. would you be my first and last girlfriend?” he closes his eyes tight, waiting for your response

“i would be honoured” you take the bouquet off his hands and jumped into his arms

“about time you asked her” jisung comments in the background

“baby look, i got you some gifts!” chenle puts you down and shows you the abundant amount of things he got you

you smacked him in the chest, “what did i say about you giving me expensive gifts!” 

“let me spoil you, please? you showed me how loving someone wholeheartedly is priceless, and i want to return the favor in my own way” chenle shows you his infamous puppy eyes.

“lele you’re making me cry!” you tear up, hidng your face in his neck

“also because i can’t remember the thing you told me you wanted a few days ago so i had to compromise” chenle giggles

you were happy

and he was happy

who knew an app could bring you two together and end up like this

the end!

[cardboardboxcomplex]

ok since i’m awake and useless, might as well

it’s 4AM on a monday at this point and i do *not* want to go to work. but i have to hhrghshfd HAAAAAA ok breathe . i skipped last week’s shift that i was supposed to go to the lab. i completely disappeared for the *third* time during my two-week wfh shift before that. when we were supposed to do the third quarter report, and the proposal. which are the hardest reports to do, bc they’ll be the basis for renewal next year. but i just ... disappeared again and did not open my emails or messages. again. after i did that twice before. and i had to go through the process of like apologizing to everyone for my absence, and i even decided to tell everyone that i have depression cos i dont know how to explain it ! why am i like this ! and i know it’s not an excuse, and i told them that too. but i just hate everything . okay i think im getting to word dump now. how many times am i going to be so incapable and incompetent? i hate myself so much cos my brain is so fried and i dont want to deal with anything . when was the last time i actually thought deeply or whatever or like read a journal article. and i dont even know what im supposed to be doing anymore.  i feel so sad. oh im crying ok. like im thinking of myself and how do i go on with life, what am i supposed to be doing, what kind of path should i be making. i hate this because i lost years of my life and i keep losing more time. and omfg right the paper. man i didnt even reply to sir’s emails either, and i know ate yana and josh had talked and i was supposed to be there too because im supposed to be the main one to finish her thesis for publication, and it’s already been a year? since she left the lab. had i done anything? i did not

and tomorrow is nov 10, and im supposed to do thesis updates ......... how the fuck am i gonna do that. and i had already missed the first time i was scheduled, bc well the same thing happening now. i was wfh (supposedly) and ate isay had to say my internet connection isnt stable. which wasnt a lie, but it was bc i didn’t do anything. i dont know what im supposed to come up with tomorrow. or if i can postpone it again. SEE THIS IS EXACTLY IT HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONG TO BE INCAPABLE AND INCOMPETENT

i dont know like im scared of being in the lab too and all i wanna do is stay in my room 

but you know what i dont even like my room. i miss my old room, i miss all my books, i miss all the memories i left there as in the physical things i’ve kept because i keep everything. full on bawling now. i miss having everything i’ve kept near me, with me. i miss my desk, i miss having one. and i hate my room because i haven’t cleaned my room in MONTHS. idk since march, since quarantine started? i can barely see the floor and i have to walk around all the bags with all stuff thrown in them. and honestly im just desensitizing (?) myself bc if i think too much if i look too closely im gonna throw up and i hate it i hate it . on that note i’ve been thinking i might in a constant state of dissociation, or at least a shallow one? i never thought i really dissociated bc i didnt really get the feeling of being apart from your body. but because it’s been going on for so long it didn’t even register to me that i’m dissociating because it feels normal or the baseline. and my memory recall is so bad, i don’t remember what happened the previous day. why? because i’m not even doing anything. or idk. also my attention span is non-existent. but the memory thing bothers me because i dont even know if i remember things from before before, in the past, not recently

before i forgot about the room, i was supposed to have pest control last oct 20? and it was scheduled like first week of october so i knew it was coming. but did i clean my room? in those weeks between? i didnt. i’d been putting it off exactly because my room is a mess and id ont want anyone to come in like this. so i had to postpone that too, and the next one is tomorrow. did i clean my room since then? no. what have i been doing? i dont know either. literally rotting away. and i feel so bad cos i m not even doing anything. i dont even know what. i cant get myself to do anything

what if someone helps me clean? i don’t want anyone to help me clean because i dont want anyone to see my room. ate isay was supposed to help me on that sunday or monday before oct 20 but the plan was i was going to start cleaning saturday so at least if she comes up to help, it wouldnt be so disgusting. but yeah i did not clean. and now it’s november. you know the last time i ironed my clothes? september. last year. september 1, 2019. i remember because that was jungkook’s birthday, but also i was ironing when i got the messages from someone when they were leaving me and didnt want (?) to be friends with me anymore. and that broke me really bad. but not the point rn. 

i dont know what else im thinking. oh i miss my friends. kosestream, if you’re reading this, yes i’m thinking of you too, and i’m really sorry. im so sorry ive kept disappearing on you guys for months. i’ve missed you and so many parts of your life, and im really really i wasnt there. and bc i don’t talk with you often, and with my awful memory, i also forget what’s been going on and it makes me feel awful because like i miss all these things about you? i always thought that i had kept tabs on everyone well, paying attention to what you’re doing, ask how things are with you, and now i dont. and im sorry. i always miss you so much, and i love you, and i dont know if that still means anything to you, but it’s still there. so thank you for inviting me to play among us, i liked hearing your voices. and i know you were worried about me (if im wrong this is embarrassing please ignore this) and were trying to cheer me up / offering your support/presence/love/shoulder/hug idk. so thank you. it meant a lot to me (but im sorry my internet was awful. honestly that stressed me out so much and i was gonna give up because i felt annoying and like a huge bother) but okay thank you 

and it’s the same with irl friends, missing things. i thought of it once as everything passing (by) me. like when neos had left for germany, i wasnt there. why? because i was rotting away at home doing nothing. i didnt even get to say goodbye. and just the same with everyone, i havent been talking with anyone. there are so many messages i’ve gotten i haven’t (didn’t) replied to, and it’s like god how are they. 

what else. ah there’s another thing i’ve thought of. but idk i’ll write that next time 

it’s monday, and it’s almost 5am now, i’m supposed to go to work. i have to text ate isay if she’s gonna pass by and pick me up. but i havent slept because i completely fucked up my sleeping schedule. and my room is still a mess. no i did not even try cleaning it even though i had been thinking about it literally every single day. should i just not sleep or should i try getting like an hour of sleep , and hope i wake up (actually, would love to not wake up, ever)

09 Nov 2020, M, 05:02 BTS – Butterfly (Alternative Mix) 

[serenamantra]

been mia for almost 4 months after being so active in writing, the ecq must have really made me productive in blogging because the moment it has been lifted, i had no time in writing again. haha! just kidding. i just felt like there’s nothing really amusing going on with my life. i thought that there’s nothing to share in terms of new beginnings, new journeys, or new experiences. my life has been in normal or just straight for awhile now and i thought it’s not interesting to write about it. but i really guess that’s how being an adult is, everything goes simple and it felt like there’s nothing to really worry about, you have a stable job, an amazing bond with your family, a stable relationship with my boyfriend, best friends and friends. although i can keep on writing about how this government makes our daily even more shitty every morning when we wake up, but i guess some of  you wouldn’t like that and i don’t want that either, it’s gonna be exhausting and toxic. anyway, here are some life updates  that has been going on with life:

when the ecq has been lifted, my brother and his family decided to come back here in our house. at first, everyone was so in denial in believing that everything will turn up just right because everyone’s been trying to work on this relationship for yeas and that turned worst that we thought. my brother decided to come back because our house is more accessible for everyone and then Kael will be having his online classes for the new normal and they don’t have internet in the house they stayed in. it has been 3 months, i guess? and it’s quite working well. hopefully, it’ll stay that way. anyway, my sister-in-law, Mich, helped me in coloring my hair which i was really planning before the lockdown but i guess i was really late to realize that the store whose selling hair products is gonna be closing too. so, i really wanted to color my hair from top to bottom, pink but she’s really digging the hair pegs that she saw on the internet so she just bleached the bottom part of my hair. i was really pretty excited about it. but my indecisive ass wants to bleach all my hair. so..

we did! haha! based on my smile, of course i loved it! but we colored it again and put very light ash blonde. because of the pandemic, everyone’s bored and obviously, doing your hair is one of the trending thing to do while just staying at home. i became so bored with the bleached hair because every girl you see has bleached hair. i dont want that :c also, we colored it so that the pink hair won’t turn out to be so bright. 

and finally! after waiting for almost 2 months, we finally achieved what we really want to my hair. ate mich just let the top of head to be ash blonde and left the bottom pink. i so so love the finished product and i’m so devastated that i’m already having roots :( also, we waited for almost  2 months to finally color it pink to avoid a lot of chemical to my hair. idk if it helped tho.

another life update, my boyfriend and i started to create a page and an instagram account for our babies! we are planning of opening our own business as dog breeder. idk if it sounds right to make it as a business to your guys, but the money we will be getting in this is clearly not for us but for our babies. we have 9 dogs. and yes, we are planning on adding more babies in the future. however, with 9 dogs, our salaries together cannot provide their daily, monthly and yearly expenses. my boyfriend has his own bills to pay and i too. also, my parents is actually working on some papers for their retirement and of course, we the pandemic, monthly pensions can take up some time to get. we will be helping out with the monthly expenses here in our house. i dont know why i bother to explain but im feel like i should so.. also, we will be making a kennel at our backyard to provide better home for our babies. due to our growing furfamily, being leashed or caged in a small place is hard and i don’t want that for them. 

moving on, sara and luna finally gave birth! sarah gave birth last june 15, 2020 with 6 adorable puppies; 4 females and 2 males. it was our first time handling a mommy to give birth, and it was exhausting and messy! she kept roaming around. also, fun fact, she gave birth in our room! hahahaha imagine the smell and all the blood everywhere. everyone was excited. when she finished, i cleaned the room for better home for the new born babies and for sara to finally rest. we also visited the vet because sara’s a big girl and we thought there was still a puppy left inside her. fortunately, she is now safe. 

the next day, bim, my mom and went grocery shopping and also both some stuff for sara and the babies. we were buying at mcdonalds for our snack when ate mich called bim and said luna’s gave birth to 2 puppies already! so my mom and bim left me because i was still waiting for our order. when i came home, my baby luna is at our comfort room, looking so exhausted and shocked of what is coming out of her! it’s her first time. at first, we thought she’ll just have 4 puppies because of size but damn ghorl! she wanted to show off that she can do it, too! 

we were honestly tired the whole time they gave birth. imagine! taking care of 12 puppies and 2 tired mommies. but it was all worth it. however, the worst part happened. we lost one of sara’s puppies. she clearly didn’t grew the moment she was born and didn’t fight when drinking her milk with her brothers and sisters. it was hard for me to see that a puppy died but to make it better, i just thought that its good that she didn’t experience this cruel world. 

also, one of luna’s puppies died. she was supposed to turn 1 month so everyone was trying to walk already. unfortunately, she got outside their cage and sara got her :( idk if she was aggressive upon seeing her because it happened when we were sleeping. but we thought that her body couldn’t take the force when sara held her. when i woke up i let them go out in our front yard and their i saw, the little pup, bathing in sara’s saliva. i was furious with sara and i really couldn’t help not to scold her. another puppy died and it was so devastating. 

anyhow, we needed to move on. 

latest update in our growing furfamily. another cat! his name is beau. it’s my first time to own a cat that is still a kitten and we never knew on how to know what’s the difference of a female and male kitten since their genitals isn’t mature yet. we thought he was a guy at first and then we saw that it’s being a girl genitals and when we went to the vet, she said he is a guy. which was okay because having a female cat is tiring. male cats outside our home keeps on making them pregnant. it’s annoyinggg. 

[advxnturer]

i’ve already vented on instagram and one of my discord chats today but im stressed again so vent below the cut

so, between the fact that i’m a full time college student and the fact that i live in a state with rapidly spiking covid cases I decided not to get a job because I have a low immune system and asthma and if i catch covid it could seriously fuck me up. 

i’m kinda regretting that because my bank account is at eighteen dollars right now and it’ll be at about six dollars beginning of september due to some (cheap) monthly expenses. my student funding doesn’t come in until september fourteenth. 

i’ve eaten nothing but variants of mashed potatoes for a week now. i did some meal planning yesterday and it looks like i’ll go through a period where i’m living off a simple bread recipe i know how to make and peanut butter. It’s gonna be like roughly a week depending on when the funding hits. 

i couldn’t even afford to pay my phone bill, and got in a major fight with my family because the internet went down and my name was on the bill, but i couldn’t afford to pay for that. during that time my brother insulted me, mocked my debilitating depression, and said that me not having a job was just a result of me being stupid and lazy rather than the covid stuff, the full-time college classes, and my depression.  I may have to see him again in September over my birthday week IF the money is here soon enough for me to travel so I won’t be alone on my birthday. If not I’ll have to see him in October for his wedding, and November and December for holidays. He hasn’t apologized and I know he doesn’t regret it, but he hurt me really badly. I spent two and a half hours that day crying. 

i have enough money on my payrange account to do laundry tomorrow morning. after that i’m going to have to settle for doing it in the tub and wringing it out to dry. 

on top of all this, i’m the only one cleaning my apartment. one of my roommates is almost never here because she opts to stay with her family on days when she works and is usually with friends on her day off. the other two never clean up after themselves. for a month now I’ve been the only one doing the dishes and taking out the trash. I spent half an hour today picking up trash left behind by them in the kitchen and living room. the two roommates who dont clean also left on trips (one is back now) and placed me in charge of taking care of their fish.

i managed to get a replacement security card approved, so hopefully that will be here soon-ish. I need it to be able to sell my plasma twice a week to afford groceries. Besides that, I don’t really know what else I can do. there’s so much going on and its just really upsetting me. 

[themagicianparrish]

50 QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED

i wasnt tagged im bored af

what is the color of your hairbrush? who brushes their hair were feral

a food you never eat? fuck sweet potatoes

are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm tf

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? making ramen

what is your favorite candy bar? do caramel m&ms count?

have you ever been to a professional sports event? fortunately i have not

what is the last thing you said out loud? ‘your phone doesnt smell enough like him’

what is your favorite ice cream? phish food youre wrong if you think otherwise

what was the last thing you had to drink? coke im gonna die of  internal acid burns

do you like your wallet? my wallet is the inside pocket of my purse so like sure

what was the last thing you ate? ramen dont you pay attention

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? its a quarantine bitch and fat people dont buy clothes on the internet

the last sporting event you watched? lord i dont even know probably some bears game bc stefs parents are freaks

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? too much butter

who is the last person you sent a text message to? stef, on discord, im playing adam c:

ever go camping? boy i wish someone would go camping with me

do you take vitamins? im supposed to

do you go to church every sunday? absolutely not

do you have a tan? its still too cold kill me

do you prefer chinese food or pizza? like it really heavily depends

do you drink your soda with a straw? fountain soda its mandatory, canned or bottled its heathenism

what color socks do you usually wear? socks can burn

do you ever drive above the speed limit? do you ever live your life the way you want?

what terrifies you? BEES

look to your left, what do you see? the back of the couch

what chore do you hate? the fucking dishes bro

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? everyone i thought of was from new zealand

what’s your favorite soda? coke

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive thru usually, eating in is a treat

who’s the last person you talked to? stef

favorite cut of beef? the burger kind

last song you listened to? californication was on when we pulled in. maybe that was yesterday? fuck it the south park theme song

last book you read? i started cdth when it came out

favorite day of the week? whenever christian isnt off

can you say the alphabet backwards? if you give me the time sure

how do you like your coffee? do you mean how do i like my creamer?

favorite pair of shoes? my boots i just dont like the way they make my legs look

at what time do you normally go to bed? i lay down at 2330 but i dont fall asleep until later

at what time do you normally get up? whenever my asshole roommate wakes me up

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

how many blankets are on your bed? 3 atm, sometimes four. stef and i are unable to share blankets.

describe your kitchen plates: mismatched

do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? margaritas dont look at me

do you play cards? i can and will kick your ass in spades. fuck it ill kick my own ass

what color is your car? an obnoxious blue but its stefs car

can you change a tire? its necessary everyone needs to know.

what is your favorite province? uh i havent been to canada

favorite job you’ve ever had? truck driving

how did you get your biggest scar? i cut myself on a rusty bucket and then was rapidly turning into gangrene a couple of months later because i have a skin picking problem.

what did you do today that made someone else happy? oh probably nothing lmfao tagging @incorruptusronannlynch, @philosasuke, and @outragedmillennial, but also literally anyone heres your excuse to overshare

[hypmicscenarios]

Anime Attraction

3.K words

A/N: High School au. Fic with ichiro, you two slowly falling in love over the span of a 4 day convention and bonding over the fact that you’re closeted weebs. (So he would like tdd era ichiro) And again! I use neutral pronouns! hope you enjoy~

Day 1: You were very excited, happy, elated, every happy word in the book! This year, you were finally going to your first anime convention. Unfortunately, you were a bit of a closeted weeb. People knew you watched anime….just not your extreme obssession with it. Maybe extreme was too harsh for you case, but you were sure that would be the situation if they ever saw your room, filled with anime posters, merch, etc.However, those were all bought online or in stores….youve never actually been to a convention.

Online, you heard many good things about it, and that people there, for the most part, were friendly. You smiled as you got off the train, an empty backpack on your bag, besides essentials, inside an empty tote bag for you posters. You had planned for this for months. Saving up all the money you could from your allowances. Your wallet, besides money for the train and food to eat, was going to be completely emptied by the end of the day. Finally, you took your jacket off, revealing a ( favorite anime) anime shirt on your person. One of your favorites. You could never choose. You could talk about it for days. However….it was Under rated. It was also a bit old...and you were late to watch it, so the fandom dwindled down.

You were amazed as you saw many cosplays, a bit too nervous to ask for pictures, or even compliment them, but you hoped they received your compliments in spirit….something like that. It was….also really big and crowded. You got too into your head, overthinking a bunch of things, that you didn’t see the larger man in front of you, hitting his back.

“O-oh im sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” you said, bowing quickly. You looked up at the man, gulping, quickly taken aback by how pretty he was, different colored eyes, red and green. It almost seemed like he was in cosplay, but he was just wearing a naruto shirt with black jeans on, a naruto headband around his forehead.

Ichiro blinked and smiled,”no need to apologize, I was kind of standing here in the middle of everyone anyway,”his eyes went down to your shirt and his eyes sparkled,”wait….thats a (favorite anime) isnt it! Whose your favorite character?”, he asked. You were taken aback about how eager and happy he seemed, but it definitely managed to make you relax a bit.

“My favorite character is [     ],”you said, stating your reasoning,”oh- sorry….I didn’t mean to talk that long,” Ichiro chuckled,”thats fine, I love them too! For mostly the same reasons, theyre kind of cool. This is my first convention so Im excited its going off to great start, thanks.”

Oh? It was his first time as well? “Its my first time too, I came here alone, I didn’t expect to be this big, theres so many people.” Ichiro nodded,”Im here by myself too, are you here all four days?” You nodded. “If you dont mind it, we can walk around together, ah! Sorry if thats a bit too forward….”,he trailed off. To be honest, Ichiro was a closeted weeb. So he had no one to talk to, let alone drag to a con. “Oh no, Um, its fine. I would like that...even though I know everyone here loves anime….”,you trailed off, the guy, whose name you still didn’t know, finished your thought,”because theres so many people conversing and being you feel like everyone already has their own cliques and you realize youre alone.”

Well. That. Yes that. You smiled,”Yeah, its that, and my nerves and anxiety.”

Ichiro stuck his hand out,”Yamada Ichiro, 2nd year high school student in Ikebukuro. Nice to meet you.”

“ l/n, f/n, also 2nd year in a high school located in yokohama, nice to meet you”m you said and shook his hand. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Day 2:

The first day, the two of you had walked around, played games, went to panels together, learning much more about each other. You agreed to meetup at the same place in the morning. Of course, you were even more excited than you were yesterday. You were dressed in more casual clothing, but backpack was now decorated with buttons you found. Soon, you heard your name being called out and waved your hand,”Good Morning Yamada-san”, you said, greeting him.

Ichiro smiled and spoke,”Morning! Did you sleep well?”, he asked.  You shook your head in disagreement,”I barely got any sleep, I was excited for today.” Ichiro laughed,”so did I, so what should we do today?”,he said, taking out the convention program guide. “Hmmmm, theres a bunch of panels,”you said, going to the side of him and looking at the program,”how to successfully master naruto hand signs….”,you trailed off. They really….had a panel for everything.

Ichiro’s face lit up,” that sounds cool, want to go? Although I already know a couple…”,he said, and you laughed,”what? You going to become the next hokage Yamada-san?”, you teased a bit, but he went along with it, of course he did. You found out about this from yesterday. That he was like this. “I am gonna be next hokage, just believe it!”, he said.

“Thats naruto’s punchline you cant just steal it,” you said, watching Ichiro as he thought, then spoke again, very excitedly,”Im going to be next hokage, because I said so!”, he said, putting out a thumb. For some reason, it had you laughing a lot,”b-bbecause you said so? Ahahaha, well, you sure have a passion like naruto, I think thats all you need, its cute”, you said, realizing that you had just called the other cute.

Ichiro blushed and put his hand behind his back,”Sorry...I just cant be like this a lot in real life without getting teased for it, so its a bit refreshing,”he said and you nodded,, understanding completely.

“Well, lets go learn some jutstus even though they wont help against a gun but who cares, because its an anime convention, and we’re doing what we love,”you said confidently, more confident than you would expect from yourself.  Ichiro nodded,”Dattebayo, lets go!”, he saidm turning around and walking. You were really having too much fun. Being attracted to him went way over your head for now, simply enjoying the time the two of you spent together.

Later on in the day, the two of you found an anime photo booth, Ichiro dragging you by the arm towards it,”for memories!”, he said. The two of you got in and hit the naruto theme poses. Of course, you indulged him, he was cute when he got his way. And, you didn’t have to worry about poses. Instead, they gave you poses to do.

The first was a naruto sign for any jutsu, the second peace signs, the third you had to stick your tongues at each other, seeming annoyed, and the last one….got you. It was only a hug, but they way Ichiro hugged you quickly and tightly, pushing both of your faces together, eft you shocked, and you were sure the picture didn’t turn out well. Once you got out and looked at it, Ichiro pointed to last one,”its like you were trying so hard not to blink, but we’re cute, arent we?”,he said and you laughed:yea we really are”, you replied, more focused on the current pace of your heart...beating very rapidly. You paid for two copies so you could keep it. The rest of the day, you two kept up your shenanigans. It was tough leaving, but you were going to come back tomorrow and, hopefully, your heart would learn to behave.

Day 3:

The two of you sat down to eat lunch on the third day, already having gone through a couple activities.

“Theres Jiro, then theres Saburo, and Saburo is the oldest. We’re all pretty close but Saburo and Jiro always fight a lot, typical sibling stuff…..and a lot of the times it includes me. I keep telling them I dont have favorites but they never listen,”Ichiro sighed with a smile on his face. It wasn’t an exhausted sigh though, he was used to it, it was just how they worked.

You smiled as he rambled on about his brothers. It was very clear that he cherished the both of them dearly and would do anything for them. “That must be nice….Im an only child so I could never relate to these type of things. Thats why I got into anime really, theres was no one that I could play with at the snap of a finger if I wanted to-oh Im not sad about it or anything, I love anime, it was really there for me in trying times, plus the internet.”

Ichiro nodded and then spoke,”Well, you have me now too, and you can be as passionate as you want, no holding back. You have my number now and its already fun texting you when we’re not at the convention.”  He was right. After you guys left, you were quickly texting each other at home before you went to sleep. You sent each other memes,pictures, and talked about a bunch of different topics, that often you had smiling or laughing at your phone.

At that point….you knew had a crush. It was only two days but he was just so…..it was the little things really, not just the fact that you had anime in common. When you were walking through the convention center, going through a massive crowd, he told you to hold onto his jacket, so you wouldn’t get lost. Or how he quickly offered to help hold your stuff when you were buying merchandise. Or even him talking about how much he loves his brothers. Rather than weird, it was insanely cute to you.

It wasnt love per say…..well. Lets be real. You were a sucker when it came to love. Honestly, you dont even feel like counting how many crushes you had but none of those ever came to fruition.  You should just focus on your anime boys but the moment some other boy is even the slightest bit kind to you, like helping you carry books, your heart falls. Despite that though, you felt like this was different. More than just a couple simple acts of kindness.

“Im really enjoying our time here, we’re going to the cosplay masquerade today right? We still have some time to kill, want to go to the game hall?”, you asked,”then we can see which one of us is better at dance dance revolution.” Ichiro smiled and nodded his head,”Yeah! Youre on!”

After that, the two of you managed to spend all of your time in the hall. Ichiro was by a claw machine and you commented,”I suck at these things,”then looked inside, seeing what plushies they had. “I think im pretty decent,”Ichiro said, walking up,”sometimes I won stuff for saburo when I was little...he grew out of it though,”Ichiro said with a laugh.He wanted to try it.

“Good Luck Yamada-kun!”, you said, cheering him on. You were amazed by how focused he looked. “Do you want anything specific?”,he asked you. “Wait, me?”, you said, trying to clarify. Ichiro laughed,”I think you’re the only l/n here,”he said. That...kind of caught you off guard. But you walked up and placed your hands against the glass. “Ummmm, that cat in the middle is kind of cute.”

Ichiro nodded. The first time, he managed to pick the plushie up for about three seconds before it fell, but that was better than what you could do! The second time, he managed to grab it again, your eyes wide in anticipation as you followed the claw and plushie to the drop off slot. “Oh my god, you did it!”,you said, going to high five both of Ichiro’s hands but, instead of letting go, he held them and put them down,”Yeah I did! Guess I didn’t lose my skill after all.” “Yeah...youre amazing”, you said, trying to not comment on the fact that he was still holding both of your hands. God….your heart was a mess. There was no denying you fell for him. At most, it was very high like at this point.

Day 4:

Ichiro was excited to see you again. Well, half-excited and half-sad. He really liked hanging out with you. More often than not, he found himself thinking about how you look best when theres a smile on your face. So, he always did dumb things to make you smile, no matter how stupid it may have looked. Maybe it was because you didn’t think his obsession was weird. When you guys talked, your interests lined up more than he thought they would. It was perfect.

Of course, he eventually figured out that he’d want to see you, in a more romantic context, that it is. He knew his feelings towards you were different. Honestly, he even weirdly got a little bit jealous when you mentioned how hot a specific anime character was. Ichiro didn’t necessarily plan on confessing that day….but who knows how things would turn out. Yes, it had only been three days, but he felt like he knew you already. Really, you guys always messaged each other.

The conversations would go dull for an hour or so but one link to a meme and that sparked a conversation that continued for a while. It was great. He had never felt so validated.

“L/n-san! Hey, morning!”,he said as he walked up to you. You looked like you were thinking hard about something, but Ichiro didn’t comment on it.

In fact, you were. Thinking about how you wouldn’t be able to see him so frequently. It made you….sadder than you expected. Granted you could travel to see him, but it was also due to the fact that it was the last day of the convention. Here, you could be yourselves without glancing over you shoulder every couple seconds in fear that someone you knew would spot you.  It was so much fun, especially because of him!

Its for the best though….your funds were just about dried out. You couldn’t help but smile as you saw him though,”hey, good morning to you too, ready for the last day?” Ichiro laughed,”Yes and No because this has been very exciting.” You nodded in agreement,”it has, it does suck that we cant experience this everyday.”

“well!”,Ichiro clapped his hands,”lets not worry about that and focus on having fun, okay?” Your smile got wider,”yes, okay!” Ichiro spoke,”Datteba-”, then he pointed towards you,”Yo!”, you said, the two of you giggling. This had become your thing now, apparently, but you two werent used to it, hence you laughing off you embarrassment.

You went to the artist alley and exhibit hall one last time, taking a lot more pictures together than usual, even with cosplayers! Ichiro helped you out a lo with expressing that you wanted pictures with them and that was yet another thing that you loved about him. Without even asking him to do so, he just did it on a whim, and that made you incredibly happy.

A bit later, it was closing ceremonies. It wasnt much really, but anything to just spend even a little more time with Ichiro. However, that ended sooner than you expected. And you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

The two of you sat outside on a bench.

“So, I suppose this is it…”,you said. You had to get back early today anyway. Yet, you really didn’t want to. You looked up as Ichiro spoke,”no, its not it. We still have each other’s numbers, we can make it work, I-well….these past few days have been really fun for me,”Ichiro blushed, placing his hand behind his neck. Was he going to confess? If he didn’t do it now he knew he’d procrastinate on doing so forever. He didn’t necessarily have to make sure you were his in this exact moment, but his heart wanted an answer as soon as possible, before he got in too deep.

“The thing is….I want us to be more than just friends. I just….the more we talked, the more I found myself drawn to you. Like I can tell you anything. Its really easy to be myself around you, l/n, I want...to get closer. So, would you go out with me? Or not now, I mean you can think about it but...yeah.”,he said, face blushing. He had only confessed once in his lifetime and that was during elementary….he was quickly shut down.

You….couldn’t believe your ears. Did you really manage to find someone who was interested you at an anime convention. Well, you were sure there were more interesting stories but this was still way out of your league. You even thought he was way out of your league.

“I….we can date. I feel the same, about you, I like talking to you. And I think whats making me so sad is that I cant see you...not the convention part,”you said, looking towards Ichiro and seeing his grow excited. He grabbed your hands quickly and held them,”really?! Thats great.”,he said, letting go than hugging you. Oh. This was happening. It took you a couple seconds to process the hug before you reciprocated it.

Ichiro pulled away, looking down at you, a smile on his face,”when I talk with you, I feel like the happiest and luckiest man in the world. I know love is too strong of a word right now, but I want to do my best to make you happy.”

You were so flustered that you made no response, even more so when you felt his hand on your cheek and saw him leaning in. It all happened quickly. You closed your eyes and suddenly his lips were on yours. No movement, but it lingered for a moment, before he pulled away.

That was your first...kiss. You didn’t mind that it got taken by him but still….it was so much to process. Ichiro brought you back to reality,”Ikebukuro isn’t too far from Yokohama on the train, maybe we could meet in the middle on weekends, or switch up, ah, well I guess we can talk about this letter, getting ahead of myself,”he said and chuckled, which only prompted you to let out a soft laugh. He was like an eager puppy that you wanted to pet. Weird how he so easily calmed your nerves by the sounds of your laughs.

“Datteba-”

“Yo!”