#i dont even care about romance THAT much so that also makes it difficult but i just want them to like me idk qwq help

[therewithinthestars]

warframe 1999 spoilers

dude i'm so so bad with these friendships/romance systems i swear to god, i wasn't sure why i felt so anxious when playing bg3 and was worried about making the wrong choice but I FEEL EVEN WORSE WITH WARFRAME WHY AM I LIKE THIS first of all i want them all to like me T T not even romantically but i just cant handle bad responses LMAO and second of all..... i'm just so curious about their replies to everythinggggggg i want to know all the paths and options! now i dont know, should i just wait till people come up with tutorials so i can pick the answers i want? :') but thats gonna take so long and im also excited to play and and ig thats like inauthentic but aaaa i dont know OTL im stressed out lmao I SHOULDNT BE SO STRESSED OUT ABOUT THIS why am i like this

and the fact that its like... in game? not a replayable thing like bg3 but youre stuck with your choices??/ T T i hate it here shdfsdfsdf

[kazumist]

EPISODE 23 ✦ PLEASE DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME

LOVE, MAYBE — A CHILDE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 838.

with an ice cream already consumed, ajax is walking you home now. it was a silent walk; only the sounds of the leaves slightly rustling around you as well as both of your footsteps can be heard in the area. 

you liked childe—it took you long enough to realize that. but it’s still a lot for you to process. you think it’s mutual, but how can you be so sure? maybe childe is just like that to the people he cares about, right? but god, it surely makes your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of someone else also receiving this treatment from him.

is this an effect of an eldest daughter who’s also a hopeless romantic? perhaps. romantic love was an unfamiliar concept to you, after all. no matter how much you read or consume media that consists of the theme of romance, it will never be enough to give you the understanding that you wish to grasp with the concept. before you knew it, you had already let your words slip.

"why are you doing this?"

"why shouldn't i be doing this?" he asks back, slightly tilting his head to the side.

"i don't get it, childe. why are you doing this?"

childe pauses for a moment, realizing that you are actually serious with your question. he doesn't reply immediately, finding the right words to say first.

"it's because... i love you," he says, only realizing it now as well. he had always liked you, of course, but ajax had only realized that he loved you. he had loved you for a while now.

"what?" you asked him in disbelief.

"i love you, (name)."

"but... why?"

"is a reason necessary?"

your breath hitched at his words. "i—of course it's necessary! i don't get it. i'm a difficult person. i refuse to communicate. i push people away even though deep inside i know i need help because, even as a child, i never got any sort of assistance to begin with. i pressure myself to the point it's way too overwhelming. i fear that one day i'll end up being useless in my own life. i can hardly even understand myself so what more if others would try? i... i find that i'm undeserving of love because there are others who need it more than me."

"so please, ajax. there's no use in loving me. you'll just get tired in the end. there's someone out there who's more deserving of the love you have to give."

please don't say you love me, because i might not say it back.

"no."

"what? didn't you hear what i just said? i'm difficult to love, ajax—"

"i heard it, but that doesn't change the fact that i still love you nonetheless," he replies, taking a step closer.

"(name), i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be, and i'll continue to love you even when you push me away. i will always find my way home to you. i'll be there to pull you back up before you sink any further under the pressure you give yourself. you'll never be useless—i'll make sure that you never feel that way. i will understand you no matter whatever it is that needs to be understood with you."

"you are not undeserving of love, because if there's one person in the world that i'd choose to pour my love on, it would be you," he finishes.

“i… no.”

“what?”

“no—i.. i can’t. i’m sorry, tartaglia.” the use of his last name stung for him a bit. “it’s fine if you can’t right now; i’m willing to wai—” you cut him off before he could finish the word. “don’t!” he flinches at the sudden raise of your voice and is taken aback. “why?”

“please… just don’t. there’s others who are better and more deserving of you than me. why me? you’ll just be wasting your time if you wait for me. i probably wouldn’t be able to give you a proper answer. i.. how are you so sure that you love me?”

“that’s fine with me, (name). it’s okay for me to go through all of that because i know i would be doing it for you.” 

stop it. please.

“my answer is still no.”

i’d rather not risk it. i don’t want to take someone for granted, especially if that someone is you.

“but—”

this is for the better.

“go away, ajax.”

he could feel the weakness in your voice when you said those three words. he tried to get closer by taking a step further, but you took a step back. that was when ajax realized that you were sure of your words. “let me still walk you home, just for tonight—this will be the last one,” he says. as you were about to decline, he spoke again first. “i don’t want you to walk home alone when it’s dark.”

even if this might be the last time i’ll get to do this.

extra notes.

wow double update ?!?! watch me ghost this app again for 2 months ... kidding !

had this episode sitting my drafts for MONTHS. im pretty sure this episode has been written ever since i was still uploading ep 5 maybe? somewhere during the making of the early episodes LAWLZ

smau playlist linked here !! pls give it a listen it gives u the extra feels 😋 this episode is highly inspired by please don't say you love me by gabrielle aplin <3

taglist (open): @xianyoon @mitsvriii @kizakiss @kissingkzuha @aethion @phtogravi @ell1e2010 @esthelily @b4tm4nn @hcmay @ivvieene @morganadorodo @kaitfae @kentply @scaranthropy @kyon-cherri @kookiibun @kochothehoe @mekiiiii @ibyobi @iuspired @tetsuskei @kunikuzushis-darling @morgyyyyyyy @chluuvr @scaradooche @kissmiere @a1-ic3 @bubblegum-angelquartz @tiredjxnna @levlucs-kiru @angeilix @cerisescherries @saeskiss @a-talkative-corn @briluvspnk @kamisatoyato @bbysatoruuu @viviixoxosblog @bambisz @chemiru @eternal-dokja @bflyprincess @jamieexistss @monocerosei @enjisthings @jangyung @hahalame @cupid-spams @snzhrchy @ukinya @luciledreamz @bisatanica @bananasquash @almond-t0fu @thegalaxyisunfolding @jaguarthecat [1/2]

[massiveladycat]

blue: pjo mention red: legendborn cycle mention black: jst in general i honestly don't care much about the shipping portion of books. like, pjo; there are a lot of other interesting plot points than ships and pjo's never been just about romance yk? it's about so many other things. sometimes, shipping ruins shit for a fandom, especially when people are out here harassing people for harmless ships. when i say harmless ships, i mean ships that don't have pedophilia, zoophilia, incest, and more. scarily enough, there are plenty of ships like that I'm gonna choose not to tag or comment because lowkey interacting with people who scream at you for not liking their ship is something way too common in the fandom. also, legendborn. this book series has a lot going for it (if it can get better after bloodmarked..) but i see a lot of people only focusing on the shipping portion which is very strange to me. this book is about representation and ancestry and finding your roots, not about which boy bree should kiss. i mean, is the romance cute? sure. but let's stop shoving aside the actual plot for it also, mind you, the amount of people i've seen getting attacked for not being a big fan of canon ships is insane. some people think canon is some kind of holy grail, and that changing it is akin to sacrilege and I just do not get it. why does canon matter if some guy says “I’d prefer it to be like this”, and it's still an innocent ship? it’s just an excuse for people who clearly need to go outside to say “uhm actually you’re having fun wrong 🤓, leave this fandom now, you don't deserve to be here”. but also, mind you, if someone makes an anti post of your favorite ship or character /or/ a pro post of your least favorite, stop going after them. damn. scroll past. even block them if you want. it's not difficult. people are entitled to their own opinions and they can choose for themselves what characters they like and dont like. would you like to be attacked for liking/disliking a character? of course not. literally no one wants to wake up to that. TL;DR: sometimes, shipping can ruin a fandom, especially when people harass people over it, and canon doesn't have to be followed, and sometimes anti/pro really isn't that deep when it comes to book characters

[mimicmimikyuwrites]

Russia (Ivan Braginsky) x Male!Reader Dating Headcanons

Ask: "hiiii could i req russia smut headcanons but with a male!reader instead? i wonder if the dynamics would be as different or not lololol but it's ok if u dont!! ohhh or maybe, dating russia headcanons w male!reader? if it's not too much! <3"

Contents/Possible Warnings: This is kinda of short, Fluff, Russia is heavily implied to be Bisexual or Pansexual, Russia is kinda clueless about dating men, but he's still got the spirit, though

Other Notes: I went with dating headcanons since I'm not entirely sure how I'd go about writing more detailed smut for a male reader just yet, even with a bit of research on tips. This is my first time writing for a male reader, so I apologize in advance if the writing isn't the best. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I'm glad to try something new, though! I had fun writing this, so a thank you to the Anon who requested this. ❤️

It's important to understand that Ivan hasn't dated very many men before. He hasn't been avoiding doing so, it's just the men he's been around throughout his history tended to be people who worked for him in some way, making the possibility for potential romance difficult to come by. Not too many people want to date their scary, intimidating boss, after all.

When you come along and aren't afraid of him automatically it opens up the door for something more between you two. Ivan is very adamant about being good friends with his partner before you two start dating, so things may take some time before they turn romantic and loving.

When he's finally ready to change your relationship and have you as his boyfriend he's not sure how to go about it. Who confesses to who? Does it even really matter? Do you even like other guys? Do you like him? He's not trying to make things complicated, he's just inexperienced when it comes to other men. He'll get even more worried if you're bi/pan and have mentioned dating women before.

You're probably going to be the one who asks him out because of this. Reassure him that your relationship is like any other he's been in and that things will be fine. Russia's still concerned about his role in things once you're dating, though.

He grew up in a very patriarchal society with certain expectations that extended their way into the dating scene, so when it comes to things with specific gender norms he's not sure what to do. When it comes to who pays the check at the restaurants you two have dates at he has a moral dilemma. Who pays?? Does he pay? Do you pay? He was so used to paying for his female partners before you... Please let him know it does not matter who pays. He's a bit confused, but he's got the spirit.

When he's fully understanding of the dynamics of your relationship he relaxes, and things aren't too different than his past relationships. He's still very doting and caring with you.

Expect a lot of affection from him! He loves to cuddle you, especially. He values quality time with you, so he spends as much of his day with you as he can. He does worry about coming off as clingy, however. Reassure him that you're fine with his company and he's good to go.

You can also expect a lot of dates. He prefers ones at home, such as watching a movie and eating snacks. To him, dates are about that quality time I mentioned earlier. Having your dates inside gives him more time to spend with just you and him.

Ivan's always been a loving person to his past partners, and you're no exception. Although he can often be childishly cruel to those around him, Russia would never hurt you in any way. (Unless you asked him to, but that's going into a whole other type of headcanons)

[elisedonut]

What is the difference between flint/percy and perciver

because they look the same to me and i dont get it

Hello!!

Love this question thank you for sending it to me!

ok so keep in mind what we do actually know about Marcus and Oliver is a little limited so alot of this is more just how I see them personally at this moment in time alright?

Also this may be annoying to read so ill add a TLDR at the end jdfhadk

Really though for me at least when it comes to Flintley vs Perciver alot of it comes more down to outside factors and just Marcus being meaner

Like Flintley is a very "mean to everyone but you" type of ship to me. Even though I do still think he has his moments when it comes to Percy anyway. it's a ship where one side falls within a few meetings most of the time to me (normally Flint). A ship where when/if the other person falls to that everything else will happen extremely quickly.

It's also slightly a Flustered/Experienced ship dynamic to me because of me recently being obsessed with the concept of Marcus being a total prude who doesn't want to disappoint his family any more then he already has. Like that isn't always important but it's fun to play with and not something I tend to play with when it comes to Perciver.

Because with Oliver I tend to actually think of him as having a very loving family who treat him really well mostly because of the fun difference that shows with Percy's family.

Also I think the fact Oliver never seems like embarrassed or concerned about how much he only cares about Quidditch is a sign that his home life is pretty good or at the very least like supportive of him.

While with Marcus I like to make his family even worse then the Weasley's for the same reason. So I tend to think of them as putting a lot of pressure on him and him having a very difficult time living up to it.

I'm also one of those people that take the text fuck up the writer made about Marcus' year in the first book as just him having failed that year so i don't tend to think of Percy and Marcus interacting much at all before like Percy's sixth year.

Even though it was later fixed I think it's just more interesting and adds more layers to him and another thing for him to feel like a fuck up about as well as just being an easy way to force him and Percy to interact.

so it just stays fact to me.

Perciver is a slow burn friends to lovers type ship to me I know enemies to lovers is like gaining ground with them but I personally don't care for it much. I prefer when they do still end up bickering at times but for the most part get along really well.

I think even after both of them realize they have feelings that it takes forever for them to own up to it. Neither side wants to lose the other as a friend so they both try to just push it down and ignore it even though it doesn't really work very well

Both sides are convinced the other is way to good to be with someone like them so everything is very slow moving

I tend to think of them as getting together later in life vs a Hogwarts romance.

I do think both ships have a an obsessive like tint to them because both Marcus and Oliver both have that obsessive personality

though I do think Flints more of a bitch about it

Oliver at least tries not to be a jealous bitch and just kind of buries it when he feels it

While Flint doesn't even attempt to hide when he's having a jealousy fit

I think most of the Weasleys adore Oliver and can't stand Marcus

I think Oliver is more likely to not take Percy's side on something if he really thinks he's wrong when it comes to his family (even though he wouldn't say that actually in front of the other Weasleys)

while Percy could literally say something way off and incorrect and Marcus will still be 120% on his side against his family(and will say so Infront of them without care)

Marcus is more likely to not try to convince Percy to always forgive his family

while I think Oliver would be likely to try to

even though in both cases I do think the final decision is left to Percy either way and both would follow what he decides

Oliver's first love is Quidditch but Percy is very close behind it

Marcus puts Percy above everything else to an unhealthy degree

So Tldr the main big differences to me

Flintley:

Meaner then Oliver

Quick burn feelings

Flustered/Experienced

Later interaction

Flints are worse then the Weasleys

Outwardly Jealous

Weasley's hate him

Handles Weasley conflict by always loudly taking Percy's side even if he's wrong

Percy >>>>>>>>> Everything else

Perciver:

Nicer then Marcus

Slow burn feelings

Friends to lovers

And they were roommates

Woods are better then the Weasleys

Tries to hide his Jealousy(he fails)

Weasleys love him

Handles Weasley conflict by forming an actual opinion on the matter at hand and talking to Percy about it privately

Quidditch > Percy >>>>>>>>> Everything else

[wiihtigo]

11, 16, 22, 25, 31 HE NEEDS CASEY BITES TO LIVE

ask game

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

haha (imagines casey confused and scared pretending she understands whats happening when she doesnt) ahh....

but yes she would 100% lie and nod along pretending she gets whats going on. and then i think she'd try to just brush it off and forget about it rather than try to piece things together and figure anything out. she doesnt mind living in blissful ignorance..its blissful

16. What makes their stomach turn?

hmmmm...shes not weak to bugs or rodents (she wouldnt go out of her way to play with rats but she wouldnt gaf about picking up a dead mouse to throw it outside if she found one), and i think she has a pretty good tolerance for movie-gore and body horror, but hmmm. real life injury i suppose, shes not good with pain. she hates pain! this is not a unique trait since ..everyone hates pain. but its true. heights make her stomach hurt too lol. so if you want to make her throw up, dangle her over a deep pit and punch her in the stomach 10000 times

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

(smiles) possessive ..which is CRAZYYY cuz if you ask casey if she even cares about nell she'd say helll no and she'd mean it..i think its not so much that shes actually afraid nell is going to leave her for another girl, its just annoyance seeing anyone else cozy up to HER bodyguard. its kind of cute to me that her internal opinion of nell goes up when shes using her to show off to other people. even though its insulting to nell.

on most days: nell is an evil jerk who cut off my ubereats privileges after i tried telling the same place the food never came for a refund 3 times and got banned

if any hussy breathes near ladybug: my handsome and brave superhero roommate who i live with and who protects me from everything and we're best friends and you should be jealous i know her secret identity and you dont kyahhhh~~

shes a difficult person

25. What are their thoughts on marriage?

she doesnt want to get married and she doesnt plan on dating anyone

its extremely low on her list of priorities not even for any forced "i have to focus on my goals" repression, it just coincidentally coincides with what she already feels, that she doesnt care about romance and stuff like that.

casey operates on a system where if there are enough pros to a situation that outweigh the cons to justify something she doesnt like or doesnt want to do, she'll do it. there are way too many cons to the idea of dating and marriage 1. she doesnt gaf in the first place so she doesnt see a point 2. she doesnt want children 3. she doesnt want the added financial burden of another person in her life 4. she doesnt want to spend her entire life forcing herself to make small talk with someone inside her house that just lives there forever now 5. she wants to focus on her goals of becoming a super awesome famous actor and the pros are............. 1. ?????

obviously her tune changes in new york ending where casey and nell get married because there are more nell specific pros and less cons. and even though she pulls out 'im literally your girlfriend!!!!!!" when its funny or convenient i think she mostly doesnt even see it that shes 'dating' nell, she just wants to be with her forever and nell can never date anyone or be in love with anyone but her for the rest of their lives

its cute though, when they do get married she does cozy up to the concept of being nells WIFE very quickly. you cant throw that shoe at me im your wiiiiiiiifeuhhhhhh eueueuuueee (crying ugly)

she also realizes the value of her wedding ring when she learns she can use it to instantly get out of any social obligation. hm no i cant go to drinks after work my partner doesnt like me being out so late. yes theyre a real BITCH haha you know how it is

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

oh you....YOU KNOW WHO!!!!!!!

of course its nell bishop aka ladybug

she doesnt KNOW how happy she is to have nell in her life until way later because shes a stupid stupid girl, but nell is without a doubt the best and worst thing to ever happen to her

for 1, shes the most fulfilled and happiest and most alive she has ever felt with nell, but for 2, she fucking dies and it hurts her more than she ever thought something could emotionally effect her. so she hates nell for making her feel like that when one of the things she was so proud of herself for was her ability to trudge through anything and come out okay, to always get up and keep moving no matter the rejection or failure. but she is sooooooo so sad when nell dies it just puts a stop to her heart totally. and she HATES HER FOR IT!

this answer is kind of double edged because if she was asked if shed just prefer that she never met nell at all to avoid all this, she'd answer yes instantly, but deep inside that thought is really upsetting and scary.

the memory of nell doesnt make her a stronger or better person. she doesnt get up in the morning because nell would want her to take care of herself. she doesnt 'do it for her' or do anything kind or charitable in her memory. nells deaths caused nothing but negatives and she hates her so much for fucking up the direction of her life but if there was a button that would magically bring her back to life completely ok she'd break her finger spam pressing it

[valdrift]

as the end of 2024 has been getting closer ive been both dreading and anticipating the new year and its a feeling tht i really dislike lol (more under cut bc my rambling got way longer than i thought 😦)

like i moved out 2022 and its been amazing for both my mental health and growth as a person since being away from my family gave me the space to figure out what i want to do and how to. idk. live ? got medicated, developed better coping mechanisms, made great friends, etc. i mean im living with my friends rn and theyre like family and i just got licensed to be an lvt and its all great ! but the thing is that my bio family need me and thts probably the root of the issue

cus my family is dirt poor, like living on gov aid, and none of them can work so growing up i was always told how i needed to be successful to take care of them even though i had plenty of rich relatives and i always wondered why none of them bothered to help and decided to put all that responsibility on a kid ?? and i was pretty much raised into being my family's eventual caretaker. from 13-17 i used to be so angry/depressed/resentful about it and hated my family bc it felt like they robbed me of my agency but now, i cant blame them. im not saying they should have done tht to a kid but i understand why. theres a bunch of complicated legal things and other stuff i dont want to get into and my family are either old, disabled, or both and god knows my relatives arent going to help so its up to me yknow ? its why im moving back in with them by 2025 to take care of them. and i love my family, i really do even if i dont tell them bc we dont talk like that and we all know it anyways. my mom is such a strong person despite how everyone looks down on her and i want her to have nice things, i want my family to live in a house that is clean and not falling apart, i want my mom to not have to ever worry about working and to have time for herself bc shes been stuck caring for kids for half her life. i love my family, i want to take care of them, and im angry i never got a choice. family is complicated and i wish it was as easy as just going "i dont want this responsibility" but i know its not

i keep telling myself that this is just how things are supposed to be and im going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them and i thought i accepted it but theres still some small part of me thats reluctant. i know im never going to have a partner or romance bc my family is and always will be my first priority and ig thats sad but i really dont mind. and im not just saying that, like genuinely im fine being single, i dont need companionship and have never felt that loneliness. im just fine with my friends and i dont need anything more, it just kinda sucks i dont get that choice. the whole thing is kinda sad and ive been told as much but these are the cards life dealt me and better me than someone else i guess

truth is im kind of scared, it feels like my life has already peaked and being away from my family has been so freeing but its selfish and damn if i dont want to be selfish for just a little longer. but its hard when i can see my mom getting older and the house getting worse and im angry that this isnt as easy as it should be. this country is awful and the systems in place are cruel and makes life as difficult as possible for people of color, the poor, and disabled. i know i'll get over it and i'll be moving back in and helping them like i promised but i'm only 22. my relatives are acting like i'm wasting my life every second im not helping my family or working towards making 6 figures or whatever and i won't lie it's put doubts in my mind. but im only 22!!!! i dont know. maybe im being dramatic because honestly it could be worse and we're even lucky to have a roof over our heads and to even have a steady source of income no matter how little it is. ive never told anyone the last bit abt being scared and all that, i think its easier to type it than say it, and it also helps i dont have a face to yall and i dont have to look you in the eye. i dont know if ive ever shared this much or anything like this on here either lol. i dont know

tldr; do it scared i guess

[noxale]

Why people like "Ascension" from a psychological point of view.

\N: A message from me, the post itself starts with the word "START". Hi, It's not my post and it's not my words. But I think it would be helpful to understand it. I can see how the situation already seems better (?) maybe I just don't go on reddit. But I feel like this post just still needs to be. From myself I want to say thank you to all neutral, calm players and just those who have fun. Thank you Ascension scares\dont like a lot of people, but people aren't picking it because they want dom-sex (not the only reason for sure) and haven't understood anything "character theme" with their head. Things are different, complicated and there can't be just one theme. Everyone has their own emotions and life experiences. Stephen Rooney didn't dictate the character's theme like in class. Also, the BG3 game is positioned "...or make chaos in the world, you decide", "Great paths of evil". Hi's neutral Author to both endings. Evil and Good - you play hero or villain. Here's how I understand it.

layered and complex. For example: Poetic justice for neutral evil, in an evil way it is evil, and still complex (not black and white). Power (just any power) corrupts, ambition as Jupiter - dangerously. Freedom is nice, permissiveness - not so much (but this game is all nice).

But that's not what we're talking about. Here's a little essay, (a little emotional, but emotions are like that) why people do "Ascension" from a psychological point of view. START\\\

You know what, i wrote this "little" essay and decided to leave in some treads on Asc Astarion, because I got triggered and annoyed by this drama enough to feel like i need to share some thoughts about toxic vampire love thing in name of education for everyone. If you like it, feel free to repost it anywhere you want. (\\\N: which I do)

So, what this dark romance fantasy is about for me personally, (even though i prefer spawn romance, i absolutely understand the appeal of asc Astarion because honestly, i was all about this kind of romance during my childhood and teenage years, hardocore the Phantom of the Opera girl is here, inside your head) and why it's also healing route for some players, and no, it's not about kinky vampiric banging.

1) A lot of people feel extremely worthless and insecure, lonely, like no one really cares for them at all. It's a very deep wound that hurts and it's difficult to overcome even in perfectly loving, healthy and supportive relationship with a good partner, and even with therapy. So fantasy about a vampire, being obsessed with you so much that he is ready to do absolutely anything just to be with you for forever is really comforting. Also, you don't have to think too much about your imperfections, because for him you like a center of his vampire heart. Besides, you sympathise with him - it's like a selfcomfort mirror, i love this monster despite everything, so in a way, i accept myself despite any flaws i see in me. 2) Safety. When the world around you feel like a wilderness, full of monsters, it feels like only the most terrifying loving monster can protect you from it. He is powerful and protective, and i am so precious to him, that he will set the world on fire just so i would be safe. 3) Responsibility. As you may see, this kind of relationship have daddy issues vibes and codependency, and in real life, you can't just fully submit safely to anyone, I don't think i have to explain why it's a dangerous idea to seek this kind of relationships in real life. You have to stay a grown up independent person and seek safety for yourself without expecting someone to come and heal all your wounds. But this is fantasy, so finally you can use this as a comfort fantasy with no fear about being taking advantage of, without shame to be called childish and etc. 4) Independence. Spawn ending is very terrifying for anyone who has issues with feeling safe and independent, because some of us prefer violent power fantasies over "we have each other and that's all that matters", second of all, this ending also has some shady co-dependency undertone to it that can be triggering for some people. I love Spawn Astarion a little bit more more than Asc and yet my heart stayed absolutely broken after running away from the sun scene, and i hate that he is so dependent on Tav. Larian owes me some emotional refund after this.

5) SA trauma: it wasn't even seen as possibility for healing way by writer, but it is for some. Asc Astarion feels like he is the most powerful creature in the world, and he is fully controlling everything that happens between him and Tav, so finally, it's a kind of situation where there is no chance of him being abused again. It's one of the reasons why some people become Doms in BDSM-dynamic relationships: finally, full control of the process and a partner, who trusts then enough to fully submit, trust issues is also big deal in Astarion story of healing. I find idea that that only Subs can enjoy Asc Astarion a little bit naive. Because, well, some news for you: Doms like it too because they understand why he is so eager to be a top :D Unrealistic, not the healthiest way? Probably! But this man and this love is not real anyway. Yes, i think many of us, especially folks who went through therapy and a lot of self-reflecting are already aware that it's basically romanticized version of narcissistic obsession and in real life this is creepy, but it's not real, it's a fantasy. People use BDSM to heal, romance books and all other forms of art to deal with their inner demons and it's absolutely normal. Even if someone is blind to see what is wrong with Asc Astarion, I highly doubt that toxic bucket of shame and aggression are able to help see anyone problematic side of things. Do you know who is usually up to romanticize toxic dynamic in romance? Victims of abuse. In real life, if you just scream and yell at any poor girl/boy/whatever about how stupid they are for believing that their abusive partner really loves them, people will either break down and cry or tell you to f!ck off and they will have every right to do so, but they won't see what's wrong with their partner,in whom quite often victims of abuse see their only source of love and safety in life. Hells, I am so sick and tired from this "white cloak knight saviour from cycle of abuse" toxic flood in this fandom. If you really want to educate people - do it with extreme care and compassion. Real life healing is not working like it's with Astarion in the game,few right dialogs and boom, dude is on the right path. It takes enormous amount of patience and love, be kind to one another, and stay safe, darlings. Being toxic on Asc fans you are not helping anyone, you just hitting your superiority complex button in your ---. To heal others with their lethal dose of poison, it's hilarious /Sorry for the wall of text, sorry for grammar, English is not my first language/

\N: That's it. I hope this essay makes someone realize that those who choose Asc also have deep feelings, thoughts, and personal experiences in life. They have the right to think differently deep than most about video game, history, and any art. And discussing the canon to in different ways. It's Dark Fantasy, complex topics. So especially The Canon. I am enjoy learning new, different opinions. Also I hope this helps anyone who has felt uncomfortable with the toxic wave. I'm going to try very hard not to look at the responses to this post for my personal calmness. All the Best\

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

i like your writings on gold star lesbian experience. it is so isolating, we are so alienated all our lives and then non-gold stars accuse us of being privileged.

i also tried to convince myself im heterosexual and capable of being attracted to men like u. i would try to imagine myself in a heterosexual romance and tell myself it could be okay. but even the sight of a man in a photo would make it too real for me, let alone the thought of physically interacting with him. so i cant really understand how non gold stars can do any of that. its one thing to think you may be ok with it, but the reality of a male is so diffierent.

even though i never once spoke of being attracted to women everyone throughout school was able to pick up on my disinterst in men and treat me as a freak because of it.

i dont care if the non gs want to talk about their experiences. right now i dont even care if they call themselves lesbians bisexuals pansexuals, whatever. but when they accuse us of being obsessed with sexual purity, or being privileged it makes me feel so furious at them.

i dont understand their double standards. they will say that not sleeping with men and everyone assuming theyre a ugly dyke was so hard, thats why they had to sleep with men. but at the same time they are also claiming that us women who didnt do that are privileged? how can both be true? we endured what u said was too difficult for u? but that makes us more privileged?

its so disgusting. i dont want to say anything and stir the pot because i know 9/10 people are non gold stars. i should swallow my discomfort and take care of everyones trauma. what about my voice?

i have pride in what i am but i am also tired of this. sorry this became more long than i wanted. but ur voice is much appreciated. thank u

Hi anon!

Never apologize for speaking up! You asked "what about my voice", well I want to hear it and other gold stars do too. The isolation and alienation we feel can be so painful, every time one of us speaks it makes things a little bit better because it reminds us that we're not alone :)

Their arguments make no sense, I agree. It's part victimization contest, part silencing us because they know that if we share our experiences, it will be obvious to everyone that they're not lesbians.

And I completely relate to keeping your mouth shut and playing free therapist for the fakebians (who will then tell us to shut up because our lives trigger them). They say that we're the ones destroying lesbian community and creating drama, but I'd argue that accepting fakebians was the first step of the very slippery slope that led us to "sexuality is fluid", "sexuality is a political choice", "non-men loving non-men", men identifying as lesbians, and actual lesbians being bullied even within the community. How absurd is it that we're harassed into silence by "lesbians" for never having touched a dick consensually and never wanting to?

I truly hope that breaking the silence will motivate us to be free from all that guilt-tripping and create a real lesbian movement :)

[thedarksideofthesuns]

romance and shitttt

the idea of a lifelong partner, a spouse, a husband, a wife, a house, kids, domestic bliss and whatnot stresses me out and depresses me. i feel like wow, a spouse that will drive me away from my friends, my dreams and my independence. i love my friends my dreams and my independence. but the type of treatment i thought i liked within romantic relationships is very intimate, all the time, clingy stuff which really contradicts that.

in my previous relationship i was with someone i thought was perfect for me because he took care of all my needs. at first it was a sweet and fun relationship but due to this partner being so caring and attentive of me i grew codependent, and he grew codepdnent too i think. after breaking up i was devastated due to losing this familliarity and support system. but there was not much spark or whatever... he really really liked me and i thought i liked him but i dont think i truly did which is something i learnt when about 5/6 months after breaking up i started talking to someone else. this new person is not dependable, is unreliable and although he is kind and sweet he is not the most attentive person to go to with your problems. he is not a shoulder to cry on really and i always thought thats what romance is all about: a shoulder to cry on. and yet ive never had such fun with someone im romantically entagled with before. we are not in a relationship which is new to me but i like it because there is no musts and no expectations from either side. he cant expect impossible things from me as people often do, he cant make me feel inadequate and he never ever does. additionally i cant place expectations on him which makes everything chill and non personal. he doesnt do something? i dont take it personal because that just isnt what we have. i feel very at peace with this person in a sense that he just wouldnt be mad at me, he wouldnt nitpick my behaviour, he just wants to spend time with me whenever possible and share whatever we can share with no heavy expectations weighing us down.

and i have learnt a lot from this, first and foremost: patience! i was never patient with people before but now i feel patient and secure that everything is alright even with changes and even with time passing. I have learnt independence through this but also other things that happened in thee 10 months I have known him for- probably craziest 10 months of my life so far. I have learnt to be alone and keep busy and deal with my emotions without needing a romantic partner to complain to. i am closer with my friends and family and with myself because i finally changed my perception of what romantic partners are for!!!!! the media and also a lot of people make it seem like its your partners job to listen to you and heal you and constantly be there for you and yes of course that is true or whatever but thats not on your partner alone!!!!! romantic partners are for romance, for fun, for sex, for unspoken intimacy and understanding, for spoken understanding, for tension, for feelig good and beautiful and sexy and in love!!! not to take care of you. thinking back to whenever my ex boyfriend was incredibly caring of me i was very grateful and happy to have him, and i mourned that heavily when we broke up but i also ended up feeling helpless and small- enabled in my depression even!!!!

So having learnt that what I want from romance is fun and joy, because i deserve fun and joy! I deserve someone who has done the work as i have! One of the main attractive qualities this person has is he has done the work. The first time we met we talked a lot and in one of our conversations in the same breath he admitted all the pain his parents have caused him, how it was not their fault because they have hd difficult lives, how he forgives them but also has boundaries in place to protect himself. i was droolingggg like the maturity GAGGED ME i was so impressed idk... i just love meeting people who have reflected and admitted and done the work.. whereas some others wont even admit they need help and keep boasting about engaging in self destructive behaviour. i want fun and joy, someone who knows, someone who has done the work!

So thinking about a long term partner because i do want that, i think i would just love to have something like that forever maybe. Of course later on in life something more commited since now I feel like I am young and having fun and whilst i think to be totally in love with this person i also love the lack of commitment, my independance and whatnot even if i am not particularly getting with other people. I think i just want a carefree fun and joyous connection where we have fun, go out, chill, giggle while fucking and understand each other with no shame in being seen.

thoughts?!?!!

[clippedwingsmuses]

🇭‌🇪‌🇦‌🇩‌🇨‌🇦‌🇳‌🇴‌🇳‌ - 🇰‌🇴‌🇰‌🇮‌🇨‌🇭‌🇮‌ 🇴‌🇺‌🇲‌🇦‌

ooc: honestly more of a character study than a headcanon but i dont have another tag for that so i'll consider it part of this anyways (moreso because of my own personal interepretations here), this is going to be a tangent so strap yourselves in its a LOT of reading ahead yall

i've been listening to this song a lot recently, and honestly it really makes me think of kokichi's perception of relationships. so, i want to take a deep dive into some of his behaviours in regards to his relationships and feelings, and how he views them!

obviously, a lot of kokichi's character can be determined in the killing game, (the ugly parts anyways) but that makes moments in the udp and dating modes so interesting. more specifically, i wanna refer to the ultimate talent development plan mode and one of kokichi's interactions with gonta.

obviously this can all be portrayed as kokichi playing up the 'lying' part of himself, but it's always been obvious from the beginning, even before they were told they were in a killing game in v3, that kokichi keeps a distance from people. and that distance is much more than arms length. it's a rarity for him to find himself getting close to people, and usually he has some sort of ulterior motive when he does so (as shown in chapter 4's investigation with shuichi). the point of his persona is to make people want to avoid being near him, that way when he inevitably dies or disappears, nobody will feel upset about it and no one will mourn his loss.

even then, he still shows a desire to be close to people. he doesn't want to burden people by making them care about him, but he does still have that human desire to be cared for. and i feel like his want to keep people at a distance is why he got angry when gonta was upset he wouldn't be able to spend more time with kokichi, considering they were graduating soon.

but they're not in a killing game, so, why would he still do that?

it could very well be just a part of his 'supposed personality' that was amplified through the killing game, and he's just always been like that. or, it could be a trauma response of sorts, for him to fear getting close to people and people getting close to him because he's afraid he'll be hurt. he, in turn, could also be afraid of hurting others with his lying and pranks and such. something similar to that can be seen through his harmonious heart event in the dating mode.

the major point of the event goes to show that he knows his lying is what chases people away. but that's the point. and he even briefly considers pulling back or quitting entirely if it means getting close to just one other person. but of course, as shuichi would put it, no one can imagine a kokichi ouma that isn't a liar.

which is exactly why having any sort of relationship with him proves to be a struggle. friendships, romance, whatever familial relations he might have... none of them are there, or even healthy when they are. i imagine kokichi struggles to consider anybody a friend of his, even when they're deeply close to him. he probably only considers his classmates as 'allies' or 'acquaintances' of some form. the word 'friend' is just too much. it also makes his semi-implied crush on shuichi stand out, both in terms of the themes that they represent and how their personalities bounce off eachother.

although, it's difficult to say how deep those feelings can go with kokichi. he sort of enjoys having his lies figured out, to an extent, and that might be part of what gives him that desire to get close to people. he tries to make himself unpredictable, to stand out and be a voice that no one wants to hear, tell the jokes everyone hates, and like he showed during the attempts to beat the death road of despair, he'll also be the only one to speak his mind when everyone else is too afraid of hurting feelings.

him being a good liar means he has an easy time picking up when people are being genuine. that's why we go back to his event with gonta; he knows that gonta isn't a liar, not a good one anyways, and that angers him. the same thing happened during the chapter 4 trial where because of gonta's memory loss, he couldn't effectively prove his innocence in the case, and in turn made kokichi's grand plan completely fall apart. gonta's genuineness pushes kokichi over the edge, and really showcases how deeply he struggles with the concepts of trust and friendship.

let's talk about kokichi's reaction to gonta's execution after the class trial. the fact that no one could see through kokichi's insanity infuriates me to no end. naturally during that event, most people were distraught over gonta's death, but that also included kokichi. as much as he tried to avoid getting close to people, he got close to one person. and he ended up getting the only person who showed genuine care for him killed. all the guilt was setting in that very moment, and it broke him mentally.

emotions were high for everyone, but kokichi was the worst case of it. this wasn't a moment where he could show that he did feel genuine guilt, because of the image he'd spent the last few weeks of the killing game building up. he had a part to play. he's an actor. he couldn't break out of character. so, he amplified the worst parts of himself to hide how he felt, because he wouldn't dare let them see him for what he really is. no one could see that in their situation, kokichi was just playing a part to keep people from seeing through him. even still, being told that he'd always be alone still hurt him. that much is an obvious factor just because of the sprite change. to quickly change the topic and walk away as if he's unaffected is something kokichi could be well known for, because that's not be the first time he's done it.

kokichi has a habit of doing that. walking away means he doesn't have to lie, and it means he doesn't have to be genuine. it leaves his feelings open and ambiguous. but this was a situation where they were more blatant, and no one caught onto it. no one could blame them of course; gonta was universally liked, and kokichi is universally hated. it's not right, but it makes the most sense for how kokichi feels to be ignored in that moment. to the remaining characters, kokichi isn't the kind of character who feels remorse for his actions. but that's their worldview, not how things actually are.

and after that point, the way he acts changes to an extent. he's still the same old annoying liar and manipulator, but there's something about the way he speaks that feels... off. it feels like after gonta's death, he pushed the villain act even harder than he did before, to the point where it does appear to be 100% genuine. and that's not how kokichi is. the person that he was before gonta's death and the person that he is during chapter 5 are two extremely different people.

that's what makes him having relationships of any kind interesting. he needs someone there that can really pick him apart, know how he is and bounce off it, not try to change him but try to understand him, and play along. and most of the people that he knows right now aren't willing to do that. as a result, there's a high chance that when he meets people outside of his class, he's going to automatically assume they're going to be the exact same way and treat him no different.

this can be shown in a lot of his udp events with the dr2 and dr1 cast as well.

nagito is blunt with the fact that kokichi makes it obvious he doesn't want to talk about himself. and it wouldn't be that kokichi would be trying to hide that, but having his feelings laid out like that still frustrate him to an extent. gundham also relates himself to kokichi; he uses kokichi's talent and his own self-proclaimed title as a demon as an explanation for why they can't interact because, and i quote, it's not possible for 'those who wear masks of darkness' to mingle. kyoko also barely makes an effort to discuss with him due to his lying nature, attempting to step out of a conversation with him as quickly as she can (but we know how that went).

i would mention hiyoko's events with him as will, but hiyoko is naturally mean so i'm not sure if that's a fair assessment of her treatment towards him.

as far as interactions with the v3 cast during that mode go, there are a few that stick out to me as well. namely, kokichi being genuinely surprised when kiibo is willing to change his view of their relationship. as much as kokichi aims to piss him off all the time, kiibo does still consider them friends in the end. kaito's event with him is also interesting, as when kokichi mentions they won't be seeing eachother after graduation, kaito considers it a lie and says they might meet again just because he's a liar. kokichi ends up complimenting kaito for this as well, which is something he very rarely does for others.

in comparison to gonta's event, kokichi doesn't get angry at kiibo or kaito for their behaviours. its likely a testament to the fact that they don't have gonta's gullible and genuine nature. kokichi's view of relationships and how he treats them relies heavily on his lying, and how others lie. it's interesting to him, because while he lies to keep up a persona and for fun, others only lie when they're aiming to do good. everyone is a liar in his eyes, probably brought on by the fact that he's a liar himself.

that's why seeing him build up genuine relationships is so interesting. there's a point where kokichi most likely feels that his lies are needless, that he can completely fall apart and act 'normal' around someone without it being brushed off. there's a point where he can be taken seriously, and not have it used as some sort of joke he's trying to tell.

but as much as kokichi wants all of that, he hates to be genuine. the thought of people caring about him makes him sick to his stomach, cause he doesn't think that's how things are supposed to be. he doesn't feel that he deserves that much. but it's difficult to say what made him like this, and it's difficult to determine why he would still react in these ways even outside of the killing game. really, its up to interpretation.

[bwobgames]

Previous First

Tick

Tock

"It's a good thing the storm is only just starting, or else we would've missed this view"

"It's beautiful here"

"It sure is"

"I see why kids come here often, I'd love to see the sunrise- Wait, were you looking at me when you said that?"

"Maaaaybe"

"Were you always this sappy?"

"Haha, well, actually ...it's a bit complicated"

"I used to be all over the place, meeting new people, having a fun night, and leaving the next morning. I was young and free and had fun, so who cares? I did things safely and carefully.

But, well, time goes on. I got older.

I had a job and less time for people. Even if my life is still hectic, I wanted ...stability, I guess. Something more domestic. A connection.

But, you know, having your whole romantic life be random dates and one night stands doesn't really teach you much about what relationships actually contain.

I tried, really, to settle down with this dude I thought was funny, but uh... I fucked it up. Turns out being open about feelings it's really difficult! And! It can negatively impact your relationship! How crazy is that?

I genuinely have no idea about romance.

Are you any better?"

"Ah, you got me there.

I've never been that social, honestly. I never really went out of my way to find people.

And the few people I had.... well... they didn't leave the best reviews.

Apparently, I am a bit too much. Too cold, too clingy, too talkative, too quiet, too into the different types of berries one can find in the wild.

And also not enough.

I dont really know if you'd want this, honestly. Im a bit of a mess.

I know relationships are all about putting in work, but I never know if Im doing it right. Or at all.

But, I think we could make a good team."

"Yeah. I think so too"

"Hey, I got an idea"

"Vivi! Can you take a picture of us?"

"Oh wait! Before it's too awkward later! Please tell me your name. Im very sorry I forgot. I know Vivi said it in passing. Was it um... Andy?"

"... Tell you what, how about you let me invite you a drink at the bar and I'll say it, yeah?

Let's get to know each other more"

"Sure"

"Alright, pair of wet cats, get in position"

Tick

Tock

[autisticlee]

contrary to my last post...how do you know if you're aromantic, or you just haven't found the mythical and elusive "THE ONE" everyone keeps going on about and promises me I will find?

every time I say i'll never date or find someone I can't stand being around or who will like me, someone always 100% of the time tells me "you have to keep looking! you will find The One™ one day! they're out there! they're real!"

i've wondered if i'm aromatic for my whole life (or at least since I learned that was a thing when I got internet as a teen) but how do you know

I feel like when I see kther aro people out there, they are so sure of themselves! they know how aro they are and aren't questioning it. it's like how I know for sure i'm asexual (being sex repulsed made that one easy lmao) but aromatic seems different and less solid.

generally, I don't care. i'm not looking for a partner and don't generally think I want one. i'm fine alone/without a relationship. it seems like tol much work and trouble. I can't even make and keep friends! why would I date?

but I feel very lonely seeing everyone in my life pair off and I have no one to rely on or lean on. I would love to have a best friend or small group of close friends, but my useless autistic ass can't even do that. but that's another rant lmao.

i always remember when someone told me once that if I want a best friend, I need to date someone. "adults don't have best friends, jnsywas they date and pair off. their partner is their best friend. you can't call another adult you aren't dating your best friends. that's only for kids."

that's so sad and lonely, yet everyone seems to believe or at least follow that dumb logic. it's times like that where I think "maybe it would be nice to have a partner," but I don't know if I just want that close relationship, or actually want a partner.

I don't know if i'm capable of being romantically attracted to someone. I know I want a really close relationship with someone where I can trust and rely on them fully. they're always there for me and I for them. we do everything together and help each other grow and live in this difficult world. but I don't want it to come with that awkward and annoying dating and romance expectation. I don't want to go on awkward first dates and have awkward "are we a thing" stage and then have the possibility of a breakup. (I can't deal with friendhips ending. a breakup would end me lmao)

I used to always say I wanted to be friends with someone first before for a while we date so I can know if I can't stand being stuck with them and them with me for a long period of time. that way I can see if if are compatible first. I think it's weird and irresponsible when people start dating before knowing who someone even is. that's just so weird (and lowkey scary) to me lmao. but I have also learned that people thinks irs wierd if you want to date after being friends because then they think you only became friends to date them and act weird about it even if it's not true. that's not the goal or reason. but no one i've been friends with passed my test anyway lmao

I remember talking about this with one friend a while back and them she suddenly a bit later accuses me of liking her and decided we can't be friends anymore. but she also didn't pass my test and wasn't the type of person I wanted. (I think she was also the person who said the quote above about adults can't have best friends)

i've never actually liked someone. when I was younger, I got aesthetic attraction mixed up with sexual attraction until I learned asexual is a thing and that's me. I also got romantic interest mixed up with admiration a d simply finding a person interesting. also both got mixed up with gender envy hahaha

but I don't even know if I could be in a relationship. I dont feel suited. I'm way too picky to like and trust anyone enough. i'm also a useless little gremlin and no one would ever like ME enough. then there's the barrier of the person would also need to be asexual because I can't deal with their sexual needs at all and would feel bad. i've met/talked to a total of like 5 asexual people in my life. we seem comparatively rare. none of them were for me obviously.

aromantic people as well. seems rare to me. I also know it's a spectrum. there's so many types. I could be somewhere in there. but I don't know if I should say i'm aromantic meaning I don't have an interest at all, or that i'm like demi and waiting for "The One ™" or whatever. where on the spectrum am I????

should I hope I find The One or try not to think about it? I don't want waiting for that mythical person to be my whole personality and life goal like most people do. that's annoying lmao. but I also don't know if i'm cursing myself to be lonely for life because I refuse to open up to the possibility...

I feel like this is some autistic black and white thinking coming in 😅 I know it doesn't matter much, but it drives me crazy whenever I do think about it.....

[zoopzopp]

asking over here bc asks are closed on main but

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

1. i kinda care but also dont? like I used to write in the default setting but then I read that comic sans is good for getting the writing done so I changed to that and now I don't really think about the font much. like even if I'm using something other than my usual writing place I just leave it at the default so ye

13. i honestly never really thought about it? like I haven't written enough to get into the diversity of topics nor have I thought about them much so I'm not really sure rn. as for the easy thing looking at the wips I have rn, angst? i think? or romance. once again, I feel like I haven't written enough to know the ease of stuff lol

17. I would love to! but currently I've got just one wip and its just straight up angst, a tragedy if you will. romeo and juilet style ✨i just like to make the wonder duo suffer yknow <3 other than that I rally don't know what to talk about T^T

[skylinesnsunshines]

he might not have agreed to it but sadly it just how it is and bambam and many idols kinda have to accept that its what they set out to do. this is going to sound unfair on him but i find the way idols are both chronically online AND then oversharing making their young fans concerned and unable to help their idols from behind a screen very iffy. its not like he hasnt got access to health care to help him overcome his struggles but i also see that hes further pushing an unhealthy realiance on him and his fans. its not like him meeting a person at random in a more romantic setting and having them "fix" his issues or what he feels he lacks in which is clearly romance. I get it but at the same time I dont because like I say ppl r chronically online too much, idols seem to have an overreliance on young folk to make themselves feel better which just doesnt bode well.

I think unless he is physically incapable or has some chronic long term illness then posting on social media is not justifyable it seems like a harsh thing to do for his audience and even for those closest to him as well must feel a constant need to check up on him. again he could start with appreciating the ppl he does have that are willingly checking up on him and such. if anything i think kpop idols would benefit from no social media during hiatus instead of leading fans on to worry abt whether their faves are having a breakdown or not.

i understand your perspective and some parts are true (for example the obligation because this is his job and the social media hiatus). still, i think it's also fair to say that unfortunately, we don't know bambam on a personal level. for all we know this could be due to his romance or other business ventures. it's understandable to feel that it's unfair for him to share and rely on people around him or his fans to check up on him but imo that just shows the mindset that he's going through something. for all we know we don't know about his medical history or personal circumstances that have potentially impacted how he feels. this is just my opinion, but i feel some kpop idols might have a skewed perspective of how to deal with these thoughts because from what I've observed, korean culture really encourages them to persist no matter the circumstance. so they probably have a lot of trauma that has been buried because they always need to put their work first. now since the times are changing, adapting to that is probably a very difficult thing and i can't imagine going from seeing and working with 6 other people almost every single day to dealing with everything yourself. in addition to the fact that bam left thailand at an incredibly young age, and him no longer being able to rely to his seniors in got7 must be a lot to digest. speaking from experience, i do believe that it would be more beneficial to deal with your mental health issues in a private matter but i understand that other people might not hold the same perspective bc people like bam who grew up in the spotlight might feel differently. i just think there's a lot of nuance when it comes to situations like this and we shouldn't be too hasty when it comes to deciding on what we think is right/wrong. thank you for sharing your thoughts anon!

[cartoonrival]

@obitoslover this is going to include generalizations and reading into minor behaviors. you don't have to read it this way. i personally think that ignoring the unusual way that naruto conducts himself around the topic of romance is ignoring part of the nuance and interest of his character and his relationships, particularly with sasuke, sakura, and hinata. this is a reading of the story purely AS IT'S WRITTEN, i'm not talking about what kishimoto would've done if he wasn't homophobic or what he meant to do or what he did accidentally, i dont care. im talking about what is in the text. he's not real and i like characters who have an unorthodox relationship with romance.

although naruto is only 12 in some of the examples i'm about to give, suggesting that solely by virtue of being 12 he would be totally unaware of anything regarding sex or romance is unrealistic, especially when comments from his peers imply that they are aware of these things (to the degree that the average 12 year old might be).

his use of sexy jutsu seems more out of thinking its really funny how people react to it than because he has any sexual interest in it himself. a reoccurring point especially in his relationship with jiraiya is that he does not understand sex appeal or why people would read the make-out series. when he's identifying the code on fukasaku's back, he calls the books "boring", which isn't the word most people would use to describe erotica even if it was poorly written. he's generally written as pretty oblivious and uninterested in sex and romance outside of his relationship with sakura. scenes where he expresses actual sexual interest are 1) few and far between 2) feel out of character imo but whatever.

more broadly, his feelings of love towards people seem much less defined by romantic vs platonic in a way that opens the door for me to suggest that he doesn't see much a difference between the two and doesn't find the distinction important. he defines his closeness with people based on shared experiences, and he admitted himself that the reason he has a crush on sakura is because he feels connected to her as someone who also loves sasuke like he does. the ambiguity of his relationship with sasuke, who he never uses romantic language for ("ofc he didnt its because kishimoto is homophobic" i dont care i actually like it this way) and yet with whom he longs for a level of closeness with that is yet unseen by scientists, further builds on this.

most people tend to place relationships into a sort of hierarchy, where if you're not related to someone and you love them past a certain level deemed "platonic", then you are in love with them romantically. but naruto is pretty steadfast that sasuke is his best friend, and i think recognizing the falseness of this romantic-platonic binary is critical to understanding their relationship to the fullest degree.

wrt his relationship with sakura, i think its similarly vague in the sense that he didn't NOT have a crush on her, but i do think that expectations about relationships between boys and girls played a role in how he behaves around her. by shippuden, his crush on her mostly fizzles out to being a joke he makes ("ooohh so does this make it a date?!?") rather than something constantly on his mind whenever he's around her, because their relationship is expanding beyond "she is the only other person who understands what i feel like when i want to be acknowledged by sasuke" and into genuinely friendship territory where they know and love each other and have supported each other through something as harrowing as sasuke's disappearance and the subsequent missions to bring him home. the fact that his initial draw to her was rooted in something so unorthodox and fundamentally unrelated to her as a person feels very important to point out.

his relationship with hinata is more difficult to talk about with concrete drawn evidence, unlike the other two (solely on the grounds of "they've barely even spoken"), but i think i'd be remiss to not discuss it considering she is his "end game" partner. as far as canon goes, there is pretty much nothing to support he thinks of her as anything other than his classmate before some ambiguous and unspecified moment after the war where they start dating and get married.

looking at The Last to fill in some of these gaps isn't necessary but it does give us something to grab onto. it ironically drives home the idea that naruto isn't in love with hinata at all, but has convinced himself that he not only is, but has to be, because he feels aimless with sasuke gone. the movie makes a blatant effort to demonstrate that naruto does not think about romance the way most people do (sakura tells him that loving a person [romantically] isn't the same as loving ramen or sweets, and he responds with confusion).

his general disinterest in hinata throughout the movie and his apparent guilt at "accepting"(?) her feelings could easily be read simply as someone who, regardless of sexuality, is forcing himself into a relationship that he doesn't want to be in, but in light of everything else and the loving sweets comment i think it paints a fuller picture to point out that he is someone who has had difficulty distinguishing these sorts of relationships for his whole life, who thrives in an ambiguous in-between, and who is also clearly falling victim to societal norms in the absence of the person he loves most in the world. it feels like he is painfully learning how it feels to be missing out on some fundamental Thing that everyone except for him seems to know about.

he's bisexual because he likes girls and boys. this messy ambiguity makes defining his sexuality difficult because the two ideas i'm building can sort of be seen as fundamentally at odds but well romance vs friendship vs sexual relationships are made up boxes and none of this is real anyways. he's bi but the way he interacts with people is heavily colored by the way he internally experiences and defines his relationships, which is more aroace.

kakashi i don't really have any support for it. i just think he's aroace primarily but he has sort of bisexual vibes. like he's mostly aroace and just bluntly not interested in those sorts of experiences but sometimes he dabbles in being bisexual

naruto is bi in an aroace way and kakashi is aroace in a bi way. this of course you understand.