#i dont always agree with noahs takes about will but this is so real | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

normal-thoughts-official · 3 years ago

Text

The world keeps spinning (it really shouldn't)

Vance did it. He defeated Josephine, saved his grandpa and Elliot, and saved the town. Everything's fixed.

No. Everything is awful. He failed, and now his friend- now Tom is gone.

And he'd rather fight Josephine all over again, because it'd be easier than what he has to do now- tell Andy about it.

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Relationships: Andy Kang/Tom Sato, Danni Asturias/Imogen Wescott, (dannimogen is background and very brief but i couldn't resist), Andy Kang & Ava Cunningham & Lucas Thomas & Lily Ortiz

Additional Tags: tom dies and everything is awful, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Friendship, for basic context im going with the version of ILITW that i got, which is that everyone survived and noah took jane's place, and then for ILB i did the version where tom dies obviously, (which is not the version i got), (everyone survived), (i feel the need to say this for my own ego), but anyway i was like what if tho. andy would be devastated, and then... this happened?, only difference from canon is that ILITW MC told everyone about noah a lot before, also like. imma be real with yall, im physically uncapable of giving my MCs serious names, so ILB MC was named That Bitch and i didnt want to give him a real name, cuz it felt like betrayal, so im just calling him vance for this one, is it his nickname? is he called vance vance? dont worry about it, Anyway that's it, Pining, you know. before the death part. it's mentioned, also we're ignoring the whole richard tries to murder MC thing, cuz i dont have time for that, so pretend ILB ended on chapter 17, Hopeful Ending, considering the theme i mean

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The city of Westchester looks exactly the same, but somehow feels a lot less wholesome, now. Vance walks in it and feels like a corpse among the living, like a ghost screaming to everyone that something's wrong. And being ignored.

It shouldn't look the same, without Tom.

But no one knows, yet.

He swallows, running a hand behind the nape of his neck. That's why he's here, anyway - they should know, they deserve to know, and he doesn't want to have the funeral without Tom's friends there.

Which is why he's going to tell Andy. Himself, in person. Because he might not know him very well, but he wants to do the right thing, and that's the least Andy deserves. He knows there's no one Tom loved like he did Andy, and from what he's seen of them together, the feeling was mutual.

He has to do this. But he feels sick, just thinking about that bond, and how it was ruined.

How could he let this happen to them?

He was so cocky, so stupid, so reckless... He thought everything would turn out okay. Assumed it would, even, because it kept getting him through it, to think that everything would turn out fine.

God. What a joke.

He walks into the little diner Andy had recommended. I'm sure you've heard of that place, Tom loves it, he had texted. We always went there to celebrate our wins back in high school. His stomach had churned, but he didn't say anything, because he wasn't going to tell Andy via text. He has to do this right. It's the least he owes him.

So he pretended that everything was fine, and agreed to meet him there. Woke up, and dragged himself to the place, trying to muster up the courage to face the world that seemed to not even care about his mistakes.

When he gets to the diner's door, he takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself for what he's about to do. Face his own mistakes. Face the pain he caused when he failed them both.

He walks in, and to his relief, and despair, Andy is already there. He smiles brightly when he sees Vance, and Vance wants to disappear.

"Vance! Nice to see you, dude. I heard about what went down in Pine Springs, glad you're okay," he says, not giving time for Vance to answer before continuing, this weird sense of calm and sympathy about him. "So, I assume you still need help with that ghost? From what I've seen in the news, it seemed like you handled it pretty well, but it's not like they are giving us supernatural updates or anything, so I figured there were still some loose ends to tie. Are the other guys coming? Where's Tom?" he looks over behind Vance, and Vance wants to die at the question. God, how is he going to tell him? He didn't really think about that, beyond the part where he has to. "I kind of thought you'd come together again. Bad move to come separated, Tom is always late to everything, I swear if it weren't for me he'd have been kicked out of the team for missing practice too many times. And I'm not the most punctual guy in the world, mind you, but I still had to drag his ass there so he'd be on time- is everything okay?"

Vance is a little shocked by the question. It's not, but what is he supposed to answer? "Andy," he says, a little careful, "things… went a little wrong, back there."

"Oh, shoot," he says, "I'm sorry, man, I kinda assumed, when I heard about how the flooding and the animal attacks were in full swing and then just stopped suddenly, that that was when you got rid of the ghost, you know? And seeing you all in one piece… I thought it was over already. Do you need help? I can round up the guys, and we can go-"

"No, Andy," Vance says, "the ghost is gone."

Andy looks at him, confused. "Then what's the problem?"

"Tom," he says, then winces when he sees all the color drain from Andy's face.

Andy waits for barely a second, then breaks into anxious questioning. "Tom? Why? What do you mean? Is he hurt? How bad is it? Did he have to go to the hospital? Where is he?"

Vance wants to cry. God. God. He can't do this. "Andy..."

Andy just looks at him, eyes wild, terrified, and it hasn't even hit him yet. "Vance. Vance. Please. What happened? Does Tom need me? Because if so, we need to go-"

"Tom's gone," he says, and it leaves him in a rush, a whisper, taking with it the last of his energy. He's empty, and somehow, it's still awful. "He's… he's dead, Andy."

Andy looks at him, eyes wide, unfocused, lost. "This isn't funny," he says. "If Tom put you up to this, knock it off right now. Tell him not to ever joke about-"

"Andy," Vance says, then swallows. "Tom wouldn't joke about that. You know that."

"No, he wouldn't, but..." His eyes begin to water, panic settling in, gaze darting across the room as if searching for him, "But… No. No. No, knock it off."

Vance starts crying before Andy does. "I'm sorry, Andy."

--------

Andy is in shock. He freezes in place, mouth hanging open, everything about him completely still except for his eyes, still so damn wide, still searching the place, searching Vance, begging for something, anything. Vance sits him back down on the table, gently, and Andy lets himself be handled back, eyes still not settling on him.

"I'm sorry," Vance says. "I… I promised you that I would take care of him. I tried, but… I'm so sorry."

"How?" he asks, "how could this happen? This isn't… After Redfield, when everyone survived, I just… I didn't think any of us could lose to another monster, I..." He shakes his head, vigorously, desperately. "This was supposed to be over. We were done, we were free, it was supposed to be over, we were all supposed to be safe, it shouldn't..."

"I'm sorry. It all happened so fast, I… If I had been faster, maybe..."

"Well, it's a bit late for that now," Andy snaps, and Vance bites his lip, not recoiling, because he deserves it. Then Andy stops, as if realizing what he had said, and for a second, his eyes seem clear again. He shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry. I… If there's anything I've learnt from everything that happened, it's that we can't point fingers when things get hard." He finally looks up at Vance, shaking, eerily still, nothing like the guy he was just seconds ago. He's wrecked, Vance thinks, and he wants to tear at himself in guilt. "What happened? Did he- did he drown, or… Did the ghost..."

"We were fighting monsters," Vance explains. "There were just… So many of them, and it all happened so fast, I..." he looks away, not daring to look back at the memory, not daring to remember the awful scene. As if he has to. Everytime he closes his eyes, it's back, punishing him. "We got his body," he explains. "Pine Springs is taking the victims to mass graves, but we wanted to give him a proper burial. I thought… You'd want to come."

Andy seems surprised, like that hadn't crossed his mind. "You haven't buried him yet?"

Vance bites his lip. "No. We're doing it tonight. We didn't have the time before, and… Well, I thought you'd want to be there. And I think he'd have wanted his body to be in Westchester, so..." He trails off.

Andy looks at him, hesitant. He bites his lip, looks away, then back at him. "Can I see the body?"

Vance does recoil, this time. He wasn't expecting this question. "I… You won't want to."

"What do you mean, I won't want to? I need to say goodbye to him, I-"

"Andy," he says, as gently as possible, because he deserves Andy's anger, all of it, but he won't let him do that to himself. "You won't want to remember him like that. His body…" He looks at Andy's eyes. He's still furious, livid, shaking, and he's lost, and Vance realizes that he doesn't get it, doesn't understand what Vance is saying, and this might be even worse than having to tell him Tom is dead. "It's torn to pieces, Andy. There's not much for you to see."

Andy freezes, for the second time that day. "Was he- oh, god," he looks at his own shaky hands, somehow even more in shock than before. "Was it… At least, was it quick?"

Vance starts crying again. He opens his mouth to answer. He can't. He chokes on the words, on his guilt, on his uselessness. "I'm so sorry, Andy."

------

Andy throws up. Once, twice. He doesn't insist on looking at the body. Obviously, he can't. Just imagining it- it's too much.

He tries to comfort Vance, because he- he's trying to do better, with his anger, with his impulsiveness, but all he can think about is how much he wants to destroy something, and honestly, the whole conversation is a blur. He punches the wall instead, once he gets home. And throws up. Again and again. Sends his friends a message, letting them know about the funeral. Cries. Punches the wall again. And again, and again, hoping that his hands will start to bleed, that he'll tear himself apart. His mom asks what's got him so angry, and he yells, "Tom is dead!". Her face twists in shock, and he can't look at it. He runs away.

Being back outside is almost worse. Everything- it should be in shambles. The whole town, the whole world should be on fire, fizzling, filled with screams and despair, like Andy is. He's never lived in a world without Tom before, never been away from him his whole life, and it shouldn't look like it's just the same. Everything should be gone, destroyed. And it is, but it doesn't look that way, and Andy wants to tear it all apart until it makes sense, at least.

He hates Westchester now. He hates it. God damn the stupid woods, and the stupid cult, and the fucking Power! God damn Andy for telling Tom about it, for letting him become this sort of- monster hunter, for believing that just because they overcame a ghost once, it would keep happening if they pushed their luck.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tom can't be dead. It's impossible.

How can Andy still be standing, if Tom isn't here?

---------

He wanders like that the rest of the day, not noticing the hunger that builds up after going a whole day without eating, not noticing the passersby looking at him worriedly, not noticing the thousands of missed calls from his mom, not noticing anything but this awful despair. He knows the feeling of wanting to claw his chest off intimately well, but it's never been like that before. He wants to carve himself hollow. He wants to scream. He wants to run. And he runs from the all-encompassing nothingness, even though he has nowhere to go.

He goes from angry to empty, and then back to angry, all day long, and the day passes in a blur.

--------

Andy meets up with Vance and two girls from their crew. Their group was pretty small, he realizes. A lot smaller than Andy's was, all those years ago. Three years ago. Forever ago. Another lifetime. Just yesterday.

The cemetery is empty, but there's a grave with a black casket they're standing next to. "I thought all the cemetery crew was helping Pine Springs," he says, like he cares. Honestly, he hadn't thought about the logistics of this at all.

"They are," Vance confirms, serious. "You, uh… You know about Noah, right…?"

Andy nods. "Yeah, we, uh, reintroduced ourselves to him a little after you guys left." It was weird, to say the least. All that anger, all that betrayal, bubbling up again right when they had all started to move on from what had happened, to think that it was over… The urge to scream at him, demand answers… And then seeing all the hurt, and the confusion, and remembering that they had loved Noah, once, most of their lives, and that at the end of the day, the only one who had suffered from his actions was himself.

It wasn't easy to forgive. Not to Andy. Or Stacy. Or Ava. But they had been working on it. Maybe they couldn't forgive, much less forget, but at the same time, they couldn't get rid of that bond, either.

Still… "What does this have to do with… With Tom?" If Noah had anything to do with his death, Andy would kill him all over again. He doesn't care about his freaky powers, he'll die if he has to, but Noah will pay.

"He, uh, helped. Dig the grave and, uh, get a casket. That's how we got everything ready."

Oh. "I… I see," he says. "Is he here?"

"No. I told him you guys were coming, and he said it was better if he left."

"Oh," Andy answers. "I guess that's… Yeah. Still..." he raises his voice a little bit, in the direction of the woods. "Thank you, Noah."

He doesn't see or hear anything, not really, but still, somehow, he can tell that Noah is pleased. He can picture Noah's smile and that fragile little "friendsss..."

He sighs, suddenly exhausted.

Vance seems to notice, god bless his soul. "Are the others coming?", he asks, gently.

"Lily, Lucas, and Ava are," Andy replies. "The rest were out of town, and they… They won't make it."

"I'm sorry."

Andy kicks a pebble. "It's fine," he says. It's the kind of lie that's so absurd that it becomes true. Nothing is fine. It'll never be fine. So it doesn't matter at all, and it ends up being fine.

Vance seems to realize what's going through his head, somehow, because he looks unsure of what to say. Finally, he settles on, "uh, Andy. These are Danni, and Imogen," he says, gesturing to each of them, and Andy musters up enough energy to look at their faces while he does that, at least. Then, his eyes widen for a second, finally taking in what they look like.

"Wait, you're Imogen Wescott?" he says, a little dumbfounded. "When I heard that name, I kinda expected you to be, you know..."

"White and insufferable?" Imogen asks, a little smile directed at him, so gentle he can barely handle it. "Yeah. That's why I'd rather go by Genny, usually."

Danni frowns at her, slightly troubled. "You never told me that."

Imogen's smile turns a little brighter. "Oh, no, not for you, Danni. For you, I'd rather go by 'babe'".

Danni also smiles at her, and they squeeze each other's hands, and the edges of grief seem to turn just a little softer for them both. Andy can tell that things get just a little easier for them, just a little less grim, because they have each other. And he needs to look away, wants to run, because he and Tom… They could've… In a way, they were...

He feels like he's ready to run again. God, he fucked up so bad. What was he supposed to do now, how could he get better when the one thing in the world that always made him feel better was Tom? He lost him, he's gone, it's over, and somehow it hadn't hit quite the way it did at that moment, looking at that connection, that love that showed through grief. He averts his eyes, feeling wild and cornered, and turns back right in time to almost run into Lily - who looks devastated, and reaches out to touch his arm. Which feels crazy, because Andy is raw, and his whole body is bleeding, and rotting away, and who would touch him-

"I'm so sorry, Andy." She says, and Andy finds himself hugging her tight, and he feels like she should wither, die at his touch, suffocate, but she just hugs him back and pats him and Andy cries on her shoulder, and he's never cried in front of her before, much less like this. But he can't stop, he can't do anything, he's so heavy and dizzy and lost-

And Lily is stronger than they give her credit for, because she holds him, this endless weight that is him, even when he shakes and stains her sweater with tears, like it's nothing. She feels so solid, right then, the only solid thing in the world. She's got him, Andy knows, and it's like finally he ran into something he can take shelter in. He takes a deep breath, then another, and holds on for dear life.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing he says, maybe the only thing he knows how to say right now. Maybe this is how Jane felt, in the end - this endless spectre of regret, bigger than everything, than everyone, encompassing her and drowning her until it ate her whole and left her empty, with only the Power and its evil inside her.

He's so tired, but he's not empty, not yet.

He almost wants to be.

"Don't apologize," Lily says, so sad and sympathetic, and it takes Andy a moment to realize what she's even talking about. "I'm really sorry, I..."

It's only then that Andy's eyes focus enough to see Ava and Lucas standing a little after her, their faces twisted with sadness and bodies frozen in place. At times like this, it really is obvious that Lily is the bravest out of all of them, by far. Andy doesn't think he's ever cried in front of any of them, and Lucas and Ava look- completely lost.

Lucas is the first to talk, out of them both. His voice is very soft. "Andy, if there's anything you need..."

Ava interrupts, words leaving her way too fast. "We'll be staying with you tonight." She blinks for a second, frowning at Lucas. "Sorry, I, uh, hadn't realized you were talking." She looks like she just came out of a daze. She probably had been running that in her head for a while. Lucas puts his hand on her shoulder, and Ava runs a head on her neck, embarrassed.

"It's okay," Andy answers, even though her apology wasn't directed at him. "You don't have to, you know, watch over me or..." He trails off.

"We're not leaving you alone," Ava says, resolute. "You know the others couldn't come, but we all agreed that we should be… You know..."

Andy chokes on something he can't quite feel. He looks down at his feet, and he hasn't felt this small in years. "I… Okay."

Ava reaches out to him, hesitant, and gives him a little pat on the shoulder. Lucas starts rubbing his back soothingly, and, very awkwardly, they gravitate into a group hug. Andy can see the nervousness in Ava's eyes, the worry that she's doing this wrong somehow, like a hug is the most complex thing in the world, and he tries to muster up a little smile of encouragement to her, but he's forgotten how to do that. He doesn't know how to do anything, anymore.

Slowly, they separate, and all three of them still keep some sort of touch with Andy - even Ava, with her hand close to his shoulder - like they're trying to anchor him, but he drifts away anyway, lost in whatever it is that's left of himself.

Vance looks down at him for a moment, as if waiting for a signal, but Andy doesn't know for what, so he waits for Vance to figure it out. Finally, he says, "should we start?"

Andy frowns. "Wasn't there some other guy with you? Pork something?"

Vance, Imogen, and Danni all look at each other, uncertain, surprised, for a moment. It's Imogen who speaks up. "He… He left us."

Ava swallows. "Did he also..."

"No," she says, shaking her head, sadly. "He, uh, deserted the group."

"He what?" Someone asks, shocked, almost outraged, and when Andy sees the looks in everyone's faces, he realizes that it was him.

"He couldn't take it," Vance says, face twisted with sadness. "All the fighting, the monsters… He left."

Andy is shaking. Falling apart. About to explode. "When?"

Vance doesn't look at him. "Right before the final battle."

"He abandoned you when you were going up against the evil ghost?"

"He..." Vance begins, then finds that he has nothing else to say. "Yeah."

"How…" Andy begins, lost for words, and then it happens. He explodes. "How dare he!" He screams. "Tom was counting on him, he trusted him, he needed him, and he just left? He should have been there! He should have been there, he should," Andy looks at his own hands, in shock, watching them tremble and go out of focus, like there are tears blocking his vision, and he feels sick, on the verge of death, and he realizes that he's not talking about that guy at all. "He should have been there!" He slips from his own control, falling to his knees, covering his face, feeling shame, shame, shame, hatred, disgust. "He should… I should… Oh God, I just let him go alone..."

"Andy..." Someone says. Maybe Lucas. Maybe Lily. Maybe the Imogen girl. It sounds so sympathetic. He wants to claw at his own skin and hide.

"I should have been there, I shouldn't… I had experience, what was I thinking..."

"Tom didn't want you to go," someone else says, gently. "I was there when you talked, remember? You didn't abandon him. You said you were going to come, and he told you not to."

"Tom.. Tom is not my damn boss," Andy answers, still covering his face, feeling the tears stop spilling and start to drown him from the inside, and god damn T, the least Tom deserves is for him to be able to cry properly- "I-I should have… gone," he chokes, shaking.

The next one who speaks is Ava. "He wouldn't have wanted you to be at risk, Andy."

"I don't care. I don't care. I'm selfish like that, I'd rather it was me. I could have helped him, I could have saved him, even if I had to- to take his place..."

"Andy..." is all Ava says, sounding shaken, devastated.

"Fuck!" He screams, punching the ground beneath him as if trying to punish the earth for taking Tom. "He would have never left me like that, I could always count on Tom, I could always..." he feels his chest constrict, or maybe burst, with all the tears and horror inside of him, like he's cracking from the inside. "Always..." he can't form the words, can't find the air, and he falls in on himself, more, more, more, closing in, suffocating, "always..." he can't breathe. He can't breathe. He tries to draw it in, to keep himself steady, but every time he tries to bring it in, the air escapes from him again, further, abandoning him, and he wheezes, again, again, closing in further, suffocating, oh God, he's going to die…

"It's a panic attack!" Someone screams, then kneels beside him, putting their hands on his shoulders. "Andy. Andy. Focus on me. You need to breathe. Deep lungfuls. Come on. I'll count to four. Keep breathing in. 1… 2..."

"Can't," he wheezes. It's too strong, like there's something… Something constricting his chest, inside and outside, and then he realizes… "Binder." He sits down straighter, no longer closing in on himself, and that awful vulnerability gets even worse, but it's easier to breathe. He follows the person's counts… 1, 2, 3, 4… Then up to five, then to six, then to seven, then eight… Until finally he doesn't need help, and he opens his eyes and contemplates the absolute mess that he is, and Imogen's kind, relieved face just inches from him.

"Good, Andy, you did well… I have these sometimes, too, I know how scary they are, you were so brave..." Imogen keeps on saying, painfully understanding, and he nods, a bit exhausted to explain. He didn't take his binder off all day, didn't remember… And if he wears it for too long, he's more prone to hyperventilating, especially if he's stressed. Tom knew that. Tom would have known what was going on. Tom… Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he says, to everyone, and no one in particular.

"Don't apologize. We're all glad you're okay," Lily says, and he realizes that, somehow, she had also kneeled beside him and brought him into another hug. He hides his face on her shoulder, shaking his head, trying to breathe. Breathing. She pets his head, a little bit, and he can feel some more touch, too - little pats on his shoulder and back, all gentle, not crowding him, like he's some sort of wild animal they're trying to calm down.

God, what a mess.

He holds Lily tighter, wanting to hide from the world. She lets him, because it's the kind of person Lily is. He feels himself drift away, for a while, but Lily's still petting his head and he can't lose himself completely. He shakes his head, wanting to fight it, almost wanting to get away from Lily, but he can't escape the gentleness in her embrace. He still can't cry, but he feels his eyes water and burn anyway, and he shakes his head against Lily's shoulder. He just wants this to be over. Please, he's so exhausted.

His breaths even, despite himself, but Andy keeps shaking, and he keeps shaking his head slightly against Lily. He wants this to end, it has- has to be a nightmare…

"Shh, Andy, don't hold it in, it's okay," Lily says, slowly, sadly, and Andy shakes his head more vigorously. No. He can't be weak right now, it's only going to make it last longer. He needs to end it, can't be done with this until Tom has gotten his goodbyes.

It's the least Andy owes him, now that there's nothing else he can do.

So, he speaks up.

"We should go on," he says, suddenly feeling resolute. It's easier to do this if he has something to focus on. He needs to see this through the end, for Tom. If he thinks only about that...

"Are you sure?" Vance asks, hesitant.

Andy nods, forcing his vision to focus. "He needs to rest."

----------

Everyone's speeches go by in a blur. Vance talks about how good Tom's heart was, how he was willing to drop everything to go help a bunch of strangers, how everyone could always count on him. He cries, and he says he's sorry, and the girls put their arms around him, tell him that he did his best. Imogen brings up how kind he was, and Danni talks about his strength. They really loved him, Andy notices, and feels his heart settle just a little bit. He was loved till the end. Of course he was.

Lucas talks about how supportive Tom was, how he was always uplifting everyone around him and would let Lucas babble on about conservation for hours. Lily brings up how much he believed in her and supported her when she was making her videogames. Ava says that Tom was the only one who ever saw her looking up Westchester's history and cults and just… Sat down with her and helped, understanding that she needed this to feel safe, to feel ready, and sharing that burden of getting ready for a disgrace, just a little bit. Andy never knew that Tom had been joining Ava for research. He could've helped with that, too. He could have done a lot of things, if he had paid more attention.

He's left for last, and a part of him wants to be a coward, to stay silent, but that was never his style.

"When Tom had turned into a zombie," he begins, "Redfi- Jane made him hurt me. And I wasn't worried for myself. I was worried for him. I wanted him back, no matter what it took, no matter what happened to me," he begins, not looking at anyone in particular, because he knows most of them already know this story, but he's not going to- he's not going to deny Tom the chance to know how he felt about him, before he rests. It's the least Andy owes him.

So, he takes a deep breath and goes on, pushing himself into saying something that matters.

"Then our friends showed up, and they said that Tom was still there. That I had to reach out to him. So I tried. I talked to him about our childhood. About how much he had been supporting me… How he was my best friend. He was hesitant, but so… Scared. I didn't know what to do. Tom and I always got each other..." He loses himself a little, shaking his head, purging the thoughts that were keeping him from going on, "And then someone said, 'Andy's hurt. H-he needs help'." He loses focus for a second, and that can't happen. He takes a breath, tries to make himself talk. "And just like that… Tom came back.

"He extended his hand to me, and helped me to my feet, and suddenly there was color in his face again, and for a second he wasn't even confused as to what the hell was going on, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. He came back because I needed him. Because he couldn't bear to hurt me. He was always there for me, and I… I don't think I ever needed him more than right now."

He stops a minute, to look at the faces surrounding him. There's a grief in them that looks almost like… Pity.

And Andy isn't even mad about it. He feels pitiful.

"I'm not the best guy with words," he admits, "so I don't know how to express how much this meant to me, or how much Tom meant to me. No one understood me like him. Tom is… Was… No, is a part of me. Maybe the best part of me, because I loved him more than anything else about myself. I'll miss him for the rest of my life." He looks down at Tom's grave, carved out of anything else to say. "I love you, buddy."

It's not the greatest speech that's ever been given, but it's what he can say, and at least he's done it. He'll be able to do better, later. He'll come back to talk to him again. As many times as he can, for as long as he can. He swears on that.

Andy steps back from the grave, and doesn't look as they slowly fill it, covering the closed casket with dirt. He finally allows himself to let the exhaustion catch up with him, and is overcome by that blissful, blissful emptiness.

---------

He's fully expecting himself to drop asleep as soon as they get to Ava's place. They decided to stay there for the night, because Andy still doesn't want to face his mom, to see that same grief in her, for her to want to talk to him, to tell him that everything would be fine. He can't do that, not today. At least Lucas had enough foresight to warn her of where they are, so she should leave him alone for now. Lucas is very reliable in a crisis, Andy thinks, making a note to himself to thank him properly later.

But he can't sleep. He's too exhausted to even rest. And for some reason, even though he doesn't want to talk, that's exactly what he found himself doing for the past few hours. Vomiting up all sorts of memories and thoughts, ranging from funny moments he had with Tom to all of his regrets, and Andy's always been kind of a stress-talker, but it's never been like this. He feels like he's been skinned alive; there's nothing to hold himself together, to hold anything at all in.

He cries all the tears he didn't think he had left in him anymore, and he curses himself, and the guy who left them in the end, and Noah, and the Power, and the cult, and himself again. He scratches his own skin until Lucas gently takes his hands in his, stopping him from doing more of it. And he talks, through all of that. Talks and talks and talks.

The words make him drift through memories, through states of mind, and he knows he's so damn volatile today, it's like he can't anchor himself to a feeling, but his friends put up with him anyway.

Finally, he starts to settle into this sort of… Slowness, like his mind is clear, or maybe blank, even as he keeps on thinking. And he keeps talking through it, letting all the minor regrets have their turn after he's too damn done to keep dealing with the worst parts.

"I never told him I was in love with him," Andy says, staring at the three empty mattresses in front of him, because it's easier than looking at any of his friends, who are currently sitting right beside him, as he babbles on. "I was going to, you know? After R- Jane. I had almost died, so I figured, you know- yolo, and all that. And then I told myself, 'I'll wait until I'm out of the hospital.' And then I started to think… What if he didn't feel the same way? What if things got weird? What if I end up losing him? And I never told him," he looks at his own feet, "and now I lost him anyway."

They all just look at him. They used up all the "I'm sorry, Andy"s left in them a long time ago, he thinks. There's only so many platitudes you can muster up when you know they're worthless, when you're just repeating yourself.

God bless them for trying, though. They're sticking with him through their own- everyone's inadequacy to deal with what's going on. Andy can't thank them enough for that.

"He knew you loved him," Ava says, serious, and Andy frowns at her, doubtful. "He might not have known you were in love with him, but… He knew how much he meant to you. I'm sure of it."

Andy laughs, humorless, "did you finally get those mind reading powers you wanted?" he says. It falls flat, but they pretend it doesn't, for his sake.

Ava rolls her eyes. "Don't be an ass, Kang," she says. "No. I just… I can tell. Anyone can."

Andy bites his lip, looking away.

She presses on, as gently as she can. "Besides, you also know, don't you? Regardless of anything else… Tom loved you, just as much as you loved him."

"I still love him," Andy says, before he can think about it, and a weird kind of shame creeps up on him - for saying it, for not saying it sooner, for realizing that this… It'll probably never go away, even now that it's completely pointless, that it's just proof of his cowardice.

"That's… Normal," Lily says, fiddling a little with her sweater. "You don't forget someone just like that, just because something happened. I mean, look at me and Britney. It took me years to get over her, and even then, I had to have supernatural forces show me exactly who she was, first."

"She didn't deserve you," Ava says.

"Maybe not. It doesn't matter now," Lily says. "The point is… It's okay to still love him."

Andy hugs his knees. "I don't think anything is okay, right now."

"That's okay, too."

They stay in silence for a moment, and then Lucas speaks up. "I know 'it gets better' stories don't really help at times like these," he says, "so I won't tell you that, but… I know what it's like, to feel like nothing will ever be okay, ever be enough. So… At least you're not alone, in that feeling."

Andy's mouth does something. It's not a smile, but it's what it can do right now. "Yeah. At least it's not like last time," he says. "With Jane. We all fell apart, and… It felt really lonely, even though..." He chokes up. "I had Tom."

Lucas rubs at Andy's shoulder sadly, and Andy shakes his head.

"It's just that he didn't get it, you know? And I couldn't tell him, about what happened," he says, instead of thinking about how much worse this is, no matter how many friends he has by his side right now. "So I… Missed you guys." He finishes, ashamed.

"We get it," Ava says, solemn. "And we're sticking with you, this time around."

"Yeah," Lucas agrees.

"Yeah," Lily adds.

"Okay," Andy answers. "I… Thanks."

They hug him tighter. It's all they have to say.

#it lives #andy kang #tom sato #andy x tom #tom x andy #it lives beneath #ilb #it lives in the woods #ilitw #ilb mc #i feel like ive been editing this fic my entire life #also apparently i write deathfic now. thats uh. something #anne ways. have this

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stray-tori · 4 years ago

Text

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :(((

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message

why

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

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icharchivist · 5 years ago

Note

Thanks a bunch too! ^_^ Road has always been one of my most favorite dgm characters. Before I just really liked her as a villian. But these past few arcs have really given her a lot of depth and dynamic action. She's really grown into one of the more interesting characters to ponder about. I'm always really reevaluating my theories about her and Neah. Before I thought she had a close bond w/Mana and that made her one of the Noahs less predujice when dealing w/Nea. But nope. She apparently -

2 hated Mana or at least wasn't against using and lying to him. That alone opens up a bunch more possibilities on Road and Nea's past. Nea being so connected to Mana would give Road no reason to personally care about him. She can also hide her true body elsewhere (like she did on the Ark). It's possible Nea didn't kill Road because he flat out couldn't. Road and Nea also haven't seen each other yet. It not be because of any sentiment on both parts. It could be Road despises Nea so much his-

3 very presence could trigger her like it does Joyd's memory in Tykki (except maybe worse). Nea is technically a even greater source of trauma and hatred for Road now. The real Mana at least doesn't want to be the Earl or the Pillar. Nea does (even if only to save Mana) and butchered everyone Road was close to. Leaving her to suffer forever alone (until Wisely showed up anyway). With all this info it's hard for me to imagine Road having any positive feelings for Nea. She obviously disagrees -

4 w/his objective despite having some kind of agreement with Cross herself (who is 99% devoted to Nea's side). It is possible she was convinced by Cross Nea will offer everyone the best solution. But I still think her and Wisely have a different mission in mind. Wisely after all hates Nea (which again makes me wonder if this sentiment is shared by Road since the 2 are working together secretly for something). Honestly that mission might be Allen or at least capable of including him. Both -

5 of them want Allen safe from Nea. Road does things to keep Allen grounded to his identity and resisting Nea's control. Wisely wants Allen cut off from Innocence and on their side. Despite seeing Nea as a threat he openly likes Allen. Shoot Road has more reason to feel negative toward Nea since he's essentially killing her Allen. I would not be surprised of Road got ptsd triggers after hearing about Nea devouring Allen's existence since it would once again remind her how Nea killed those she-

6 (whoops sorry I had to go. And... O kind of forgot where I last left off x_x. I roll with and reply later what I forgot). Basically Road has and is losing a lot to Nea. Even if he's trying to save Mana (who she now possibly seems to care about) she's going to lose Allen to him. More then that he's probably running contrary to her goals. Not calling Road and Wisely secret heroes. Allen alone is most likely going to be the one who figures out how to stop this war of reckless hate. But I'm just-

7 both her and Nea seem to have a far more complicated history now that it's revealed she did not care for Mana (something I imagine Be a saw very clearly). I also imagine she did not care for Nea too much because of the nature of his existence (honestly this explains so much why all Noah hated Nea). Both Nea and Road have plans to stop things. Both I bet are bad neas in some way. But maybe Road is willing to give Allen's way a chance now that she cares more in general for her own people.

ohh yeah i can imagine what you mean!

Road is honestly such a fantastic character, it’s just that before last chapter it was so hard to figure out her motivations. It was always clearly not fully with the Noah even if she’s all “family is the most important”, and her care for Allen truly became genuine.

I think she didn’t hate Mana though, probably the second option you said, she wasn’t against lying to him. there was a Plan, a Script to Follow, and Mana was part of it.

I think it’s possible that Road may have ressented the previous Earl for leaving them and spliting and perhaps she projected on Mana and Nea but in the end i think she probably didn’t see them as heir own person because she had known what the “full earl” was supposed to be.

I could see her being caucious about that.

As for Nea it’s very hard to say how she would have felt for him before the massacre but the massacre sure made her at least ressent him and i think she hates him for it...

but then there’s how she cries remembering Nea’s last words to Mana, with that smile on that face - and i think that even if it hurts she could see the love of the two brothers and was touched by it. She can hate what Nea did to her family while still at least not hating this part of him if that makes sense?

I think Road’s survival is completely due to her Dream form though, i think Nea wouldn’t have hesitated to kill her when he went on rampage. Imo i think everything Nea did was for Mana. And if Mana was to be sacrified (regardless of Road’s feelings about it), Nea could have wanted to “become the Earl” instead of him in order to save his brother from being a sacrifice. But for that it means people must have forgotten they chose Mana as their Earl. So killing all the Nea would do a “soft reset” of the Noah memories and Nea could pretend to be the Earl and save Mana from it. I think that could have been Nea’s initial plan and thus Road’s survival had no place in it.

Joyd seems to be the one with the clearest feelings against Nea considering the smile that pops up when Nea brings up the face looking like his - Joyd must be playing something on the long run but it is at least pettiness against Nea at the minimum.

But Wisely and Road are hard to get through. For Wisely i don’t know how much he’s actually wanting Allen to join them - right now he’s stuck in the Noah family, unlike Road who can pretend to be somewhere else. So he gotta follow the Earl’s order in some shape or another, not really show a will of his own. If any will there was, it was that he didn’t want to hang around Sheryl’s looking through the Bookmen’s head so perhaps he stayed out to keep an eye on Tyki considering Joyd is the most awakened Noah aside from Road and Wisely at this point.

But as of now i do think that both Road and Wisely dont’ want Nea back. Whenever it is to protect the Earl or because they grew to love Allen or both.

And I agree with the rest, I think currently Road has all the reasons to hate Nea and now there is perhaps another path they can try out to protect her family.

since Road loves her family and wants to protect them, while we know they are set up to be sacrified in some way, Road could be willing to take a road that would protect her family while still carrying on what plans they had to start with.

And i think Allen offers this opportunity in some way.

So i could definitl see that and that’s fascinating! i’m so glad of her development so far i’m just... so curious about it all ahhh

#ichafantalks dgm #dgm234 #dgm spoilers #Anonymous #ichareply

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j4nn4s · 6 years ago

Text

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it��s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

#long post #skam opinions #tag meme

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garden-of-movies · 6 years ago

Text

Every single thought I had while watching The Kissing Booth:

- Elle and Lee were born on the same day and have been life long friends HAHAHA WOW THATS TOTALLY REALISTIC. But also I’m trash for it bc they have such a sweet pure friendship :,)

- MOLLY RINGWALD YAS

- Wow the actress that plays Elle actually looks like she could be in high school and i appreciate that.

- Awh, Lee is cute. But Noah.... HOT DAMN. I can see why Lee and Elle have rules. Noah’s so hot tho it probably wouldn’t stop her if she ever got the chance lol.

- Her pants ripped so she had to dress sluttier.... Ha ha.

- OMG THAT GUY GRABED HER BOOTY

- OMG NOAH GOT IN A FIGHT FOR HER

- THERE IS SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION BUT SHE DOESN’T SEE IT BC SHES YOUNG AND NAIVE IN THE WAYS OF LOVE AND ATTRACTION.

- Awh Lee drove her to her date 😭 THEIR FRIENDSHIP :,)

- AWH he took her to their dance place to cheer her up AFTER SHE GOT STOOD UP 😤

- HAHAHAHA NOAH TELLS BOYS HE WILL BEAT THEM UP IF THEY DATE HER. THE SEXUAL TENSION IS BUILDING. IM EXCITED. But also nervous for Lee 😬

- Awh she plays sports and is herself and rocks who she is :,) cute :,)

- I don’t exactly hate the OMG girls, but they are the hardest part to watch. Like they are what keeps reminding me that this is a cheesy teen romance. So OMGs= Eh

- Okay Noah and Lee’s house is ridiculous and high school parties are not like this. But high school boys also don’t look like Noah, so I’m moving on now.

- HE STOPPED HER FROM DOING MORE STUPID THINGS AND TOOK CARE OF HER DRUNK HAHAHHA LUV IT

- OMG THAT AWKWARD ROLL AROUND WITH THE CURTAIN AND HES NAKED AND SHE SAID SHE TOUCHED IT HAHAHA THE SEXUAL TENSION IS FUELING ME.

- THE OMG GIRLS AGREED TO DO THE KISSING BOOTH BUT WILL NOAH?????? THE PLOT THICKENS

- Oh god Elle asked him to do the booth one more time and they argued and now they’re one a bad note. MOMENT OF TRUTH TIME WHAT HE GONNA DO?!

- PPL ARE BLOWING LEE OFF AT THE KISSING BOOTH NOT COOL.

- Oh wait, it worked out for him!!! And now he’s holding her hand and leaving early?? 😂 cool!!

- Oh great ELLE is the one working the kissing booth now. AND GUESS WHOSE UP?!? NOAH!!! And she’s announcing that she’s never been kissed oh god 🙃

- THIS KISS!!! And they just keep kissing!!!! In front of the entire school!!!! And everyone is clapping!!! Clapping bc of all that passion HOT DAMN.

- Oh god wait. Everyone saw it so Lee is gonna find out. OH NO LEE 😭 he is a tender boy and I really care about his feelings.

- Okay well that could have been worse, but he was def more upset than he let on.

- It’s about to rain she guess who strolls up on his motorcycle to save the day and take Elle home. EVERYONES FAV BAD BOY NOAH!!! Great 🙃 this will lead to nothing romantic LOLOL.

- UGH NOAH IS SO HOT. HIS FACE HIS BODY AND HES IN THE RAIN AND HE SAYS ALL THE RIGHT THINGS 🙃 KILL ME.

- I don’t really like the height difference though, Noah is SO much taller than Elle. But the tension and romance- I’ll live with it.

- HAHAHA Elle is making a pro and con list I love her.

- High school beach drinking party. Ha ha ha ya totally.

- Noah almost walked away from a fight after he jumped in to save Elle YET again 🙃 but I’m glad he didn’t because that guy was a douche lol. SUCK IT WARREN.

- He just said he fell for her HAHAHAHA.

- He took her to his spot :,)

- Oh wait, ARE THEY ABOUT TO HAVE SEX?!?? BEFORE SHE TELLS LEE!!! Oh god, this is gonna end terribly.

- THEY HAD SEX IN FRONT OF THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN HAHHAHA!!

- I took a twenty minute break from watching the movie because I FOUND OUT ELLE AND NOAH DATE IN REAL LIFE HAHAHHA. Their movie relationship translated to their real lives, and their real life relationship is honestly ten times sweeter, but it’s fine I’m fine :) also in real life Noah is Australian and he’s only 20 years old :) still fine tho :) okay back to watching the movie now.

- This love montage :,) but also it’s funny and i love the song love grows where my rosemary goes.

- OMG LEE THINKS NOAH HIT HER IM SHOOK. BUT ALSO SHE HAS THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM SO SHE BETTER. OH WAIT HAHHAAH THEY JUSY GOT CAUGHT AFTER SHE LIED. Great :-)

- Lee is heart broken 😭😭😭😭

- LOL OH HEEEY MOLLY. Time for some girl talk.

- Wait just like that Lee is gonna forgive her? Wow. He is too good and pure for this world. Elle needs to be counting her blessings everyday.

- Oh god i hate her prom look.

- This prom has a live band? Yo, what year is it?

- DONT YOU FORGET ABOUT ME HAHAHAHA YES!!!! This is also amazing bc molly ringwald is in this movie.

- The kissing booth is at prom, here comes a full circle moment.

- I want you to know, i actually laughed out loud when Noah told her he loved her.

- Oh god she wants to be with Noah but Lee is happy she rejected him. Oh god I’m stressed.

- Okay they had like a two second argument about it and now he just accepts it??? AGAIN LEE IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD.

- Oh Noah, we always want the bad boys- AMIRIGHT LADIES?!

- Omg he didn’t turn around for a final wave!!!!! Wow that actually really surprised me. The ending wasn’t cheesy!! Wow I’m very shook.

- Okay it’s late and I’m emotional and i wanna be in the middle of a Lee and Noah sandwich. THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK- Goodnight and goodbye

#the kissing booth #netflix #joey king #jacob elordi #joel courtney #noah flynn #lee flynn #elle evans

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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right? i'm also partial to all variations of earl grey but english breakfast is like 11/10 always 😍 oh yeah no we don't have a/c at all.. i have a fan in my room but that really does fuck all to help and i have to say the thought that you just causally have a/c in your home is so weird to me and also makes me incredibly jealous you can't imagine 😅 i really don't deal well with heat so these past few weeks have been so fucking stressful especially bc they took tea from me (1/7)

(2/7) oh yes agreed if those lines really saved i found a girl for me and also it just sounds fun 🙈 yes it is the dog one honestly i love these kind of videos 😅 and i watched false confidence now and. perhaps i really love him. and maybe that video made me cry just a little. honestly thank you so much for introducing me to noah kahan i just love his music so much. & right? she has so many like overly specific and honest things in her songs that just make so much sense and just hit differently

(3/7) do you know anxiety by her? bc that's also one of those songs for me too 🙈 i'll definitely listen to more thomas rhett bc i really love his style of writing about adoring his wife 😅 and i have a playlist for all your recs so it's okay that you keep going i'm just gonna add it all and work my way through depending on my mood. really interested to hear more!!

(4/7) whaaaat. okay did not realise that was alex and now i feel bad. i have to admit trash pop is a pretty good description for that sound but it is still a very nice sound 😅 oh love!! you did rec me dear winter and turning out before 🙈 i love them and ajr! i just don't like this one song (i've been listening to sober up, weak, karma and i'm not famous sooooo much and technically bang as well but i somehow forgot to download it so i haven't actively heard it in a bit)

(5/7) that's okay 🙈 & alright thank you will listen to these recs first i think bc i really liked fletcher's vibe and it's the only one i haven't heard a complete song of. also very sorry you can't see her anymore it sounds like a great lineup :/ okay so listen i tried to make this as coherent as possible i hope i managed: i adore music so much. honestly can't put my love for music into words so i completely understand what you mean when you describe sharing music as intimate.

(6/7) bc well it can be just about liking the sound of sth but it can also be hey look at this song that ripped my heart out (maybe this is a iydk reference we might never know) and then people go and ignore it or say sth mean and it just fucking sucks. so yeah i get it and will thus always take time to listen to your recs and tell you what i think. i truly feel so honoured every time you take the time to rec me things bc it's really kinda putting yourself out there and i appreciate it a lot.

(7/7) oh and also bc i truly love and cherish all the stuff you introduced me to like i'm really, really thankful for your music so yeah i love you a lot for this as well ❤ - fiancee

putting a cut cos long winded asks call for long winded answers NOT that i dont love them because I DO

dude im so sorry about the a/c thing like i genuinely am........fuckin crime whoever thought to do that to you guys

THANK ME??? THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO NOAH KAHAN EVEN THOUGH I WAS ANNOYING AS HELL ABOUT HIM fiancee you mean more to me than words can say thats all moving on i love you

yeah!! anxiety is a good song maybe not like My Favorite but frankly is there a bad julia michaels song. if so i have yet to find it. however do you know what a time. she did that one with niall which i personally think is very sexy of her <3 julia michaels can and will do it all

YOU MADE A PLAYLIST OF MY RECS.......STOP IM GOING TO CRY I REALLY AM fiancee...........................you are testing my emotional patience tonight i really might cry that is so cute and thoughtful and . JUST. also while listening to it in the car today i discovered like an absolute idiot that the album life changes is from is called. you guessed it. life changes. SO. anyway im not rec’ing ANY more thomas rhett songs unless you explicitly ask because maybe im in love w his whole discography and would die for him but thats nobody’s business but my own

yeah it really is........like i dont know whats making that wicked sound at the beginning of thanks i hate it i think its just a super distorted guitar but i LOVE it

GSKFLGMKDFJ did i really rec u those two songs before.......WELL IM NOTHING IF NOT CONSISTENT and obsessive ok that is fair i did kind of jump to conclusions there but anyway while we’re here promise this is the only real rec im adding to the list but three-thirty by ajr although i do feel like ive already given you this rec??? but that one just fucking decks me every day of my life so anyway. yeah

hitting myself in the face fiancee what the fuck did i do to deserve you. how’d i win the fucking lottery on this one. like. just. i just . im all outta words im just love you so very much and i really really cherish you and this relationship we have and our friendship and the . mutualism of the song recs??? i love you a metric fuckton dude that is a promise

#JESUSSSSSS #STOP MAKN ME CRY IN THE END OF THESE #fiancee anon #now i have remember you young stuck in my head #i literally made a whole fucking new playlist today just bc i listened to remember you young and had a really specific emotion #the playlist is named after a lyric from a parachute song #and interestingly enough i cant remember #OH THATS A LIE the song is called. ocean? i believe #the lyric is. i hope i never learn an easy way to miss you #and before you ask: no i have absolutely no idea what other songs can go on it #im PRETTY sure the vibe is like. fond bittersweet nostalgia #like the song is ABOUT nostalgia though. it doesnt cause ME nostalgia #like remember you young is a song about nostalgia #maybe the playlist shoulda just been called that #although i actually think i follow one of calum's playlists and it's called nostalgia #so thatd be confusing #also my friend is in a BAND called nostalgia #lots of nostalgia goin around doesnt look like a word anymore #anyway #anonymous #ask #answered

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deathandindignitybedamned · 8 years ago

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Ooooh why not share it! Post it and lets talk about what we agree and what we dont agree! Its fun.

Okay then….let’s take a look at a few points I’ve been mentally circling today: (this is very stream of consciousness think and type thing…but I think it makes some sense. also my computer froze while I was in the middle of working on the first version of this so now I say fuck it here it is)

You talked about Felicity and her conscious and subconscious isolation and how it becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy with both John and Oliver (and pretty much everyone else in her life). I 100% agree with that. She isolates to protect herself and when Oliver reads that as “give me space” she subconsciously reads it as an affirmation of that “I’m broken” idea that Noah first planted in her mind which is at this point buried so deep that is has seeped into every inch of her. Being left behind is a visceral fear for her. So rather than reach out to these men, she draws everything so close to her that all she is able to project is these ideas “humor” and “lightness” that John and Oliver are unable to see beyond. I also think Rory was so unexpected that she couldn’t see out of her guilt spiral bring herself to project Fine-ness to him. (I miss Rory can he come back please)Billy’s death is that final straw that breaks the layers of compartmentalization that she’s built up since the middle of s4. The EPs keep calling it a dark arc. I think a more apt description is aggressiveness. She works aggressively around Oliver’s tunnel vision when Black Siren turns up. When asked to get the files on Walker she follows any breadcrumb in order to do that. This is not a new thing for her. She uses an invaluable resource in order to help the team track down Prometheus. Blindly? Yes. But she, perhaps more than anyone else on the team, can see how powerful Pandora/Helix can be as a weapon if yielded properly. She uses it again when Thea indicates that there is a Clear Threat to the team and is then immediately talked down to about her fucking empathy. All of this is playing into Helix’s hands, yes, but she is still trying to take action to protect the people who are closest and most important to her.So on to last night: I laughed at the 5x19 episode blurb because WHY ARE WE STILL ACTING LIKE SHE HASN’T BEEN COMMITTING FELONIES FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS SHOW. She straight up committed corporate espionage in s1 by hacking into Merlyn Global. In s2 she blew up a building and it was her idea. We learned in s3 that she wrote the equivalent of a cyber-nuke before she was 19. She stole from her own company in s4, and had to make an impossible choice to save millions of lives (there is a part of me that thinks Lyla arranged for her to be given immunity for Havenrock because the President was aware of the situation, but that’s for the day I actually make notes on the What If Helix/Chase Chose to Out Her as the Person “Responsible” for it). So please, let’s not pretend that Felicity hasn’t been crawling around in the shit since season 1. Nevertheless, the perception of her that Oliver and John have mean that they think she is protected from making those decisions. It’s why Oliver and John were both so out of their element when dealing with her in this episode. (I think I read somewhere that Lyla comparing James to a nuke was her talking about Felicity…..and I just gotta call bull on that. Lyla as a character is not about Subtext, she’s about Text. If something is Relevant to her Cause, she just goes for it. And while I think they’re friends, I have never read Lyla as being super close to Felicity. In part because I think Lyla understands through Waller, just how dangerous Felicity is. And I’m sorry, but reducing everything about Lyla Michaels to her relationship with Oliver and Felicity is lazy and reduces her importance as her own character and within her marriage to John).The thing that I kind of got (happily?) stuck on tonight was an idea that the series of confrontations Felicity had with team leading up to the last one in the bunker felt like they cut all of the ties that were keeping her tethered to Oliver. I know she never expected to sway Lyla, but she expected something like trust from Oliver, if not that then at least an acknowledgement of her position from John. The lack of anything in that moment was the first cut and yet another sign to her that she wasn’t worth it. The conversation in the loft was stunning to me in its honesty. What exactly is she losing if she feels that her soul has already been burned away? There’s nothing left of her but her drive to love and protect Oliver from the monster he helped create (Chase), and the monster he sees in himself.I was texting with a friend of mine (@vivisectyourheart - I drop kicked her into this black hole so that I have someone to text yell at and she finally caught up to watch in real time) and I said “5x19 was like kicking a rock off the edge of the Grand Canyon and waiting to hear it hit the bottom. With them on opposite sides” and I’ve had some time to digest that and sort of shift it a little bit. I think we could say that this whole season has been the two of them standing on opposite sides of a canyon and Oliver is staring at his phone trying to figure out why she hasn’t called him while Felicity is over there kicking rocks over and waiting for Oliver to hear her. They both were trying to communicate but they were expecting each other to be using a different language. So that moment when he says “don’t count on it” was for me the final cord being cut for Felicity. She’s a runner. She’s been a runner since Noah left and she first learned how to change herself to best fit her surroundings (welcome to my Chameleon Felicity™ black hole). She stayed after season 4 because she still felt tied to the people. And in failing to trust and support her, and taking action against her, those ties were gone. Part of me thinks that Felicity didn’t expect to go back to the bunker after that. She’d be able to get the tech and make her move against Chase on her own terms. I get really tired of it, but there are a number of apt parallels with s3 and I think her not going back would have been the same play as Oliver’s stupid plane idea. Flawed from the beginning because it assumed that success would only come by sacrificing herself. Fighting to die as it were. So she leaves Oliver and the team behind and plans to move forward again with Helix only to be left behind and forced to go back to the bunker with all of her defenses down and a half drunk scruffy ex. Again, the honesty and acting choices in that scene did things to me.And that is……pretty much where I run out of steam for tonight. I’ve always got stuff percolating but *beccashrug*

#yellowflicker09011996 #ask dr beccerson #OTC: Bitch with WiFi #so yeah I'm hitting post and going to sleep #because work #and also because anxiety?#whatever #I come from the Land of Ye Olde El-Jay #My Lonely Felicity Feels #Sweetie your face

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bhadpodcast · 8 years ago

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A’s For Your Q’s!

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:Im really curious to know why you strongly believe Tyler Hoechlin is gay? I can kind of see it but not as much as others and was wondering if you could explain the reasonings behind it. Do you see him as being truly gay or bisexual? Thanks really have just been wanting to know your thoughts! I hope I dont sound defensive or negative Im really just curious! Okay, gonna do a digest of a bunch of the asks here!

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast: While Hoechlin's open, unashamed and giant boycrush on Dylan as a person and as an actor and his constant staring at Dylan like he hung the moon and stars is super adorable and undeniable, he doesn't really strike me as a homosexual person. As far as my intuition and personal experience go there's little to no doubt Hoechlin is straight, but it's also absolutely impossible to deny the special, unique bond he shares with Dylan in real life or the intense chemistry they have on and off screen. So yeah, I genuinely believe Tyler Hoechlin has always been attracted to women and never really questioned his sexuality or even felt the need to... until he met Dylan O'Brien.

A lot of people hold that theory too. It is possible to just fall in love with a person. I’m of two frames of thought: 1) he never thought about gay, but Dylan awoke the possibility in his head and now he’s all “what other cars don’t have tops!?”, or 2) he knew all along, but Dylan is what made him cave into admitting it, but also what made him turtle shell when faced with the reality of a public relationship.

greyhoundsgirl said to bhadpodcast:I can’t even remember what started this but I’m guessing it has to do with Hoechlin and honestly with the trajectory his career is taking, it would only benefit him to come out, imo.-oh I'd love to hear how, not to keep the gay in HW discussion going but specifically to Hoechs cos I'm so curious about what he wants that trajectory to be vs what maybe it should be? I'm glad your surgery went well, too 😃

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:Hoechlin and honestly with the trajectory his career is taking, it would only benefit him to come out, imo./why? could you elaborate? I'm not a Hoechs stan (I just drool at him), I'm asking 'cause I know nothing about HW and I'm not sure why you say this. I don't even wanna start wank, I'm actually kinda tired of the bouts of Hoechs drama here lol. I understand if you don't wanna get into it, but I'd appreciate your insight Sticky :)

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:But there’s a very real atmosphere that tells young actors that being gay is career death but it’s really not//we know of many high profile roles where the "out" actor wasn't cast. Even if the public would accept a gay man playing Captain America, the real problem is that they wouldn't be cast by the conservative movie companies. For all the actors that are liberal, HW is still very conservative on the money side. Young actors not coming out doesn't surprise me, it's the famous ones that should.

guilleobsessions said to bhadpodcast:Someone said the cause Hoech hasn't come out was more complicated than him being in HW. I agree. If he is anything other than straight (according to my theory he isn't as straight as he wants us to believe) at this point he just uses HW life as an excuse, to not recognise that he is just afraid of stepping out of a world he created for himself, based on believes and ideals about how things should be. His need to please everyone it's just pulling him down... This is how I see it, of course.

Okay, so I want to clarify a few things before I get started with this.

When I say the concept of homophobia in Hollywood is based on a myth, I’m not saying that homophobia in Hollywood deosn’t exist. Of COURSE it does, but as with all things, $$$ money trumps all.

Because we are getting more diverse ways to access and distribute media, the people who produce it are also coming from a more diverse pool. It’s why shows like Blackish and Empire thrive, Fresh off the Boat and really all of the Tyler Perry programming. New demographics are being shown to be lucrative and more entertainment outlets are starting to cater to them.

My friend and I were talking about how disappointing LOGO has become. The fact that Logo hasn’t become Lifetime for Homosexuals is shocking. Prooduce some original gay films that have a campy and schlock factor with lots of ugly crying and they would be my destination every Saturday morning for the rest of my llfe.

When Colton came to Hollywood things like this weren’t an option. So he was told to stay closeted so it wouldn’t hurt his career. He was told being gay was career suicide and manipulated into being closeted until it almost freaking killed him.

Noah Galvin came on the scene a decade later where possibilities and opportunities were starting to open up and being gay didn’t automatically make you a pariah. But he doesn’t understand Colton’s generation and therefore he criticized it. The thing is that more and more actors are coming out and are creating their own opportunities. Meaning on a network level you can be a gay working actor and not have your personal life effect your HW career. You can even go out with your significant other and most people aren’t the wiser.

The myth lies in with people like Cody Saint Gnue who G4P, and are caught up in this web of producers and execs who thrive on the fear of being a pariah when they’re not the only avenues anymore.

Now, currently this works on a local level. Meaning you can appeal to the liberal masses and maybe score an online or nationwide hit. The international market is another beast entirely.

When I talk about Tyler Hoechlin, I want to be gentle when I say this, I don’t see him as having international superstar potential. I don’t even think that’s what he wants. And with that as a springboard, I think he’s a guy that could come out and just work locally in his little bubble and be perfectly happy the rest of his life. But I think this idea that he’s going to be this huge internationally known on the microphone star informs the image he tries to relay and ends up hurting him in the long run, especially if he lacks the ambition and desire to really go for the top spot.

I get this q once every other month, heh. Honestly if you search Hoechlin Gay on here most of my responses come up.

Here are some silly fun posts:

http://bhadpodcast.tumblr.com/tagged/top-5-gay/chrono

Also, this is mostly unrelated, but I was looking for a post of mine and found these and lol’d so hard

http://malecelebnews.com/2012/08/22/hot-couple-alert-dylan-obrien-and-tyler-hoechlin/

http://www.gaypopbuzz.com/tyler-hoechlin-gay-straight/

Again, nothing to do with anything, but I remembered this and it still make sme laugh:

http://bhadpodcast.tumblr.com/post/152910829257/they-do-and-they-are-suh-srs-lol-like-you-wanna

Umm... what were we talking about? Oh! Uhh... he’s got a ~quality?

Sigh, so even leaving out intuition, there are so many factors that point to it. Relatively isolated childhood with lots of team sports. He went to highschool, but because of acting was often home schooled or tutored. Had a very specific change of style that goes along with discovering yourself, but was a little late to the game because arrested development so we ended up seeing this first hand. Grew up kind of an ugly duckling, understands he’s a beautiful swan and knows how to use that. Has a TON of girl friends and then like.. baseball, actor “team” guy friends. Chunky rings and does his own makeup. The constant bearding. The sheer and obvious avoidance of anything TOO gay. He does this at cons a LOT, JR and Bobo will be nearly making out and Hoechs will be like PASS. He just won’t discuss, or come near it. Then there’s the whole GCC debacle and so much more.

There are just so many things that would lend themselves to him being closeted and I’m sure every single one could be twisted to him being straight, but the fact it’s so debatable is its own form of telling. Do a search for Hoechlin gay or Dylan bi, etc.

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:My problem is people blaming Hoechlin for "the closet" and not being "honest". I get it, it's an O'Brien stan blog but he's the one with the most promising career. not Hoechlin. Blaming Hoechlin for the "closet situation" is ridiculous. O'Brien doesn't need Hoechlin to be out and proud, but no one seems to expect his coming out and Hoechlin is the messy one to blame. It's a bit easy.

This ask is baffling to me because I’m not entirely sure where you’re coming from. No one is blaming Hoechlin for a “closet situation”, I don’t know what that means.

We’ve had a lot of discussions about Dylan’s sexuality (oh, I still remember a LOVELY convo we had about his more feminine qualities and how they worked in concert with his masculine ones? So good!), but we all pretty much accept that he’s bi and in waiting. He’s with Britt and she knows and is cool and they love each other very much and the Hobriens think that if Hoechlin ever came out, Dylan would go with him and Britt would marry Julia, durr. Otherwise Brylan will get married and have a million kids. Either way we’re happy.

#hoechs in effect #a sticky minute #homo hoechlin #bi dylan #brulia ftw #a's for you q's #everyone's a little gay #it's hollywood!#top 5 gay

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felicityfan20 · 8 years ago

Text

Carry On My Wayward Daughter

(What happened to Stephanie Brown’s Baby) (Felicity Smoak Fanfiction)

Stephanie Brown: Spoiler/Batgir6/Robin#4 Submitted to: DC.Comics August 11,1992 Mothers Name: Crystal Brown Fathers Name: Arthur Brown (Cluemaster) Daughter: Un-named

Growing up Stephanie had a hard family life that consisted with her mother being addicted to pain killers and being in a depressed state constantly, her father "The Cluemaster" spent most of his life in jail. Stephanie's mother sided with her father with everything even his criminal activities. During this time Stephanie had a friend that was eight years older than her and she would go stay with her when things weren't going well in her home. This person was someone that Stephanie trusted with everything and anything. She was like a mother figure to her more so than her own mother. Stephanie had kept their friendship a secret from everyone so she wouldn't get hurt by anyone involved with her father. Her friends name was Dana Stokes.Stephanie was ashamed of her father's criminal activities and lived with the shame of having a criminal as a father. This fact made her family life terminal.

Stephanie created a suit her self and named it "Spoiler" to keep him in jail. Stephanie started to wear her suit and patrolled Gotham City at a young age of fourteen. In the midst of her patrolling she met Robin, Tim Drake, also the sidekick of Batman. Stephanie at this time did not know the true identity of Robin. Batman didn't like the idea of her being in this dangerous environment and told her to put the suit up he thought she was to young.

Stephanie made the decision of not to listen to Batman. Though the many times of seeing Robin during her patrols she began to have feelings for him. Robin and Stephanie went to the same school without realizing who they were. Since Robin's father felt like he was not taking care of his responsibilities, he sent him to a private school outside of Gotham City. While away from Gotham Robin met a girl named Adrian and eventually she became his girlfriend. After long period of time he came back to Gotham but with Adrian by his side; this made Stephanie very jealous. But after seeing Stephanie back in Gotham their relationship rekindling. Robin told Stephanie his true idenity as Tim Drake and Stephanie told Robin her's as well. Which led Tim to breaking up with Adrian and dating Stephanie.

Through their relationship Tim would leave Stephanie for periods of time to go back to school. Tim's hectic schedule had made Stephanie upset. During one of the periods while Tim was gone Stephanie had met a guy named Dean (last name unknown) at school. During this time Stephanie was fifteen years old. Though her feelings for Tim were present she did'nt know if he was going to return so she started dating Dean. After the Catactlysm that revolved around Gotham City Dean left never to be seen again. Although after he left Stephanie found out she was pregnant with Deans baby. Since Dean wasnt present for her to tell him she decided to tell Tim of her pregnancy, she needed a friend and at this time Tim was back in Gotham. (some people say that the baby was Tim's but that was never proven).

Stephanie confiding in Tim that she was pregnant with her former boyfriends baby. Tim made a promise to be by her side through her pregnacy. He would do anything a father would do.Although Stephanie was very excited to have her baby and to have Tim by her side she never gave much thought to what her life as Spolier and what the outcome for her baby would be. During the time of her pregnancy she stayed with Dana Stokes because she didnt feel her family should know about her baby because of their criminal activities and the possible effects it would have on her child.As her pregnancy was coming to a close Tim had to leave for a while and this made Stephanie uneasy. On the day of July the 24th 1991 Stephanie had gone into labor; worried that Tim wasnt going to be by her side he showed up much to her surprise. Tim stayed by her bedside though the entire delivery as did Batman. On this day Stephanie has given birth to a baby girl. She was very overjoyed with her new baby.

That night Stephanie had a dream that her baby was in danger of being taken by villians. To Stephanie's dismay and fear for her baby's life she decided to give her baby up for adoption which came with a very broken heart. This was very hard for a girl at the age of sixteen to give up something so precious, but she thought her baby girl could have a much better life than the one Stephanie could give her. As she explained her plan to give her baby up for adroption Tim agreed to her decision he supported her.Stephanie had made a decision that she didnt want her baby to be adopted from someone she didnt know. Her choice was her most trusted friend, Dana Stokes, to give her baby to her. She ask Dana to come see her at the Hospital also ask Batman to be there as well.Stephanie asked Dana if she would take her baby as her own she explained it would involve many life changes. Dana's answer was yes and she said "I love you like my own daughter. I would be more than happy to take care of your child. I will consider her as my own as i do you." Dana Stokes Stephanies reasoning to have Batman there was because he has many resources to create a new identity for Dana and the baby and Batman agreed.Stephanie had told Dana "I don't want to know your new identity, where you will live, after you leave here the baby is yours. She is your daughter because i dont want her to be in danger I want her to have a better life. Batman helped Dana with her new identity. Her new name became Donna Smoak the baby's name became Felicity Megan Smoak. Donna had taken Felicity to Las Vegas, Navada. Batman is the only one who knows their wherabouts, because he had promised Stephanie that her baby would not want for anything. He would always make sure her baby was happy and safe.

Donna went to work as a Cocktaill Waittress at one of the Cosino's. When Felicity was two years old Donna met a man by the name of Noah Kuttler. He was very inteligent in Computer Science Cyborg Security and Hacker you might call him a genius. Him and Donna fell in love and he fell in love with Felicity took her and loved her as his own. Noah taught Felicity everything he could about Computer's at an early age. Things started getting bad between Donna and Noah. They disagreed on the fact that he was now useing his Computer skills to be a criminal. Donna thought long and hard about how Stephanie gave up her daughter to keep her safe. Donna also loved Felicity to much to bring her up in this. So when Felicity was at the age of seven Donna left Noah and her and Felicity were on thier own again.After some time Felicity has finished High School at the early age of sixteen.Felicity made a decision that she didnt want to spend her life as a Cocktail Waitress she wanted more out of life.With so much knowledge in Technolgy; she decided to attend MIT. Felicity graduated from MIT at the age of nineteen with a Master Degree in Computer Sciences and Cyborg Securitys she was also a fluent Hacktivist.

Felicity went to work for Queen Consolidated in the I.T. Department at the age of 20 years old. Being her nosey little self when Felicity had to take paper work to Moria Queen's office she would look at the picture of Oliver Queen. Felicity talking to her self about how cute he was but knowing that Oliver Queen had been in a shipwreck and never found. The only thing is not knowing Oliver had been stranded on an island and was there watching her as he had to get infomation for Amanda Waller. Felicity brought a smile to Oliver's face that day and he didnt get to many of those.Later on Oliver Queen was found and came back to Starling to honor his father's wishes to save the City.

He became the Hood a vigilante he found out in his endeavors he couldnt do this alone he needed help.Oliver recruited Jhon Diggle his Driver and Bodyguard. Sometime after that he needed help with a Lap Top he took off Deadshot a vilian. He thought about that the IT girl he saw in Moria's office he went to Felicity and she helped him. After many times of asking for help and the trust Oliver had for Felicity he also recruited her to his team. This was the begining of as we know the OTA. After all this time Oliver is now the Green Arrow after working together for 4 years the trust, respect,and admiration becoming a couple and yes love and even engagement. Oliver and Felicity are no longer this couple that we all loved. Because of the lost trust and the lies a love story like no other is over.

During all these years of fighting and working behind that Computer Felicity is starting to feel the affects of some big decisions she had to make that caused the death of 10,000 people. Lost loves all this in the hands of Damien Darke. His shooting that caused her paralysis the killing of her friend Laurel Lance (aka Black Canary). And really a part of her breakup with Oliver. Felicity would never leave Oliver to fight this war alone. Now a new year has started and thier fighting a new villian he are she goes by the name Prometheus

This villian has caused so much pain to her teamates and her. By staging Dective Malone a man she had been dateing so Oliver would kill him. The thing is Felicity wants revenge on Prometheus for what he has done to Oliver, Malone her teamates and herself. She doesnt blame Oliver for Malone's death I dont believe Felicity loved Malone but I think she did care for him.I believe she still loves Oliver very much and will always no one will ever replace him in her heart.

Felicity has never been told the truth about her real mother Stephanie Brown . But you can see trates of Stephanie in Felicity not just she looks exactly like her. But her wanting and needing to save the City and the people in it.Stephanie Brown has been injured very badly by the hands of Black Mask. With Batman by her bedside Stephanie asked him if he would find her child and give her the Mantle of Spoiler the only thing she has for her daughter is her Legacy. Batman vowed to her he would do this and he would always be there for her child. Sometime in late October 2016 Stephanie Brown dies at the age of 41.

Now Batman has to keep his promise to Stephanie to give Felicity the Mantle of Spoiler. Batman knows exactly where Felicity is and knows she has been working with the Green Arrow. To protect the people of now Star City Batman could not be more proud of Felicity he knows she deserves the Mantle of Spoiler.

He is also considering the Batgirl Mantle that would make her Batgirl#7. If she wants this Mantle it is hers and it will draw her away from Team Arrow .This being the reason to train mentally and physically and it may cause her to do some things that are Morally Questionable. Because Felicity is still Hell bound on making Prometheus pay for what he did to Oliver and Billy. I believe she is Spoiler I also believe she is Batgirl#7.Felicity will still feel like Donna is her mother and Noah is her father with no regret. Stephanie made the wright decision that day. The life that Donna made for Felicity has made her into the person we all know. So this is what happen to Stephanie's baby. Felicity Smoak we always knew there was something missing about her back story.

Felicity Smoak/Spoiler:/Batgirl#7 Story BY Barbara/Edited By Taylor:

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