#i don't want to bother anyone in the dr fandom

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Thoughts on Scriddler?

This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up...

Firstly, you gotta understand that all that follows is a recollection of the fandom over the years, since 2015 to be exact. Speaking stickily Jonathan Crane fandom, Scriddler has always been the most popular ship for Scarecrow. I couldn't give ya a beginning to this, as even back then I found years old art for Scriddler circulating. Though, tumblr as a social media is where it blossomed.

When I first started this blog, I had my OC to develop and I was very self conscious and unknowingly putting myself through trauma via art school and a lack of disability accessibility. Not gonna get into that, but I was very vulnerable as well as impressionable.

I did NOT like Scriddler, almost detested it. It seemed like it was everywhere, and this was before tumblr had a decent way of blocking. Not that it would have helped, because for some reason i liked suffering. Felt like I deserved to be depressed. Took me a long time to realize blocking content actually made life better aslhkds

Anyways, even early on I had a lot of support, people wanted to know about my OC and cared, but I always felt like I played second fiddle to the holy of holy, Scriddler. And if you've read any of my recent posts, you know I've come to accept that just how it is with OCs. But that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share of anon hate, suicide threats, etc. The fandom was not always welcoming. Or perhaps there was just a minority who loved to abuse the anon function. (if you think there's a lot of drama today, you were not there when it was bad)

It took me a LONG time to grow to like Scriddler. I used to feel like they had very little in common, and it bothered me that most of the art was majorly sexual. That's a whole 'nother can of worms, but ya know. I don't hate Scriddler today, which should be obvious seeing as I reblog it now. Though, I like Hattercrow a tad more.

A lot of this was my own internal issues, though the fandoms penchant to take two males who never interact and ship them, suffice to say is alive and strong. Nicely enough however, there has been more "Scriddler" like content from comics. (I say this loosely, but they do interact quite a bite more than they did ten years ago)

Scriddler, and to a lesser, Hattercrow, is a ship you either love or hate. Except me. I kinda fall in the middle. Though I feel it's worth mentioning that Scarecrow has had his fair share of female/female presenting ships too, and as much as I hate to say it, they're generally disliked by the greater fandom. (or simply ignored) We all know why. I've mentioned this before. :/ and I've had close friends give up on their ships because of it. Just like me. I gave up. I hat admitting that, but I can't compete with Scriddler.

I wish there was a way to change that, but I wouldn't know were to start. That's why I try to support OCs for example, someones gotta do it. I can't let another person go through what I went though.

TL;DR: Sciddler is not a bad ship, I don't dislike it anymore, but don't think I'm not silently side eyeing the loud minority who shit on anyone for even thinking Jonathan could love a woman. Ya know, despite canon only showing evidence for that.

[rbdecepticon17]

My Thoughts on Volume 2's Bonus Story

Spoilers and Suggestive Discussion Abound!

Yes yes, I know I'm extremely late to all this, Amazon can be blamed for that. But, I have finally gotten my copy and have now read through the bonus story: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde meet Dracula.

As the resident big spicy writer in the fandom, this was something I was looking forward to reading ever since Sage had hyped it up.

My verdict after reading it? It was amazing, on the same level as the prior bonus story, heck I'd even say it's better, but maybe that's the bias talking. Since you're looking past the -keep reading- line, I'll assume you've read it already so I won't waste time summarizing the story's events. Let's get to what I want to gush about most.

Dracula in this story is simple, yet eerily effective. Every time he talks, you get why anyone would be swayed into being controlled by him, molded into whatever he wanted out of them. He may look creepy, but as Jekyll proves, a voice can do a lot. Definitely makes me think that- paired with his liking to Lanyon's voice -our favourite repressed gentleman has a thing for attractive voices. Noted for future use.

And speaking of Lanyon, this has some great character stuff with him. The sniping him and Jekyll have at the start was so good, I was gasping at their comments. The way we got to see a glimpse at his home life as an adult, saw his view of how to act around others, especially the nastier folks you can meet in the upper class of London, it was all fantastic! Later, him using the gun was very sexy of him, and him putting Jekyll's own way of interacting with others to good use so as to save the man he loves was the sweetest thing ever.

Of course, he wasn't alone in trying to save Jekyll.

Ah, Rachel. Rachel Pidgley, the woman that you are. Seriously, this bonus story gave me a greater appreciation for her character, it was a delight to read her shit talking the rich and kicking vampire ass.

But, if you've been on this blog long enough, you'll know I'm a big fan of Hyde, and yeah, I really enjoyed his part in this story. Though he doesn't have a huge role in the narrative, what I got was rather interesting. This happens during the early days of his shared existence with Jekyll, and it doesn't appear that they have a lot of ire towards one another. Like, they just do their own things and don't bother each other, which is great compared to their present dynamic.

Child Hyde and Child Jekyll are adorable, no surprise there, but that moment as Hyde tries to help Jekyll without much complaining as would be expected nowadays hit me. Especially as the false love that Child Jekyll is getting turns into vitriol towards Hyde when he tries to get him away from them, cursing him out for not being anything like his "better" half. The tears welling up, the clawing at the window between the mind and the conscious world when Lanyon gave them an opening, him secretly admitting that he needs him?!

My Lanyde heart was aflutter and my angst loving mind buzzed with joy. And then, of course, we come to that ending.

Oh gods, that ending. Jekyon shippers were fed like it was their last fecking meal, and I was hooked throughout it all: Rachel's badassery, Lanyon's love beating out his rage, Hyde focusing Jekyll so that he can save Lanyon and him being the one to kill Dracula, then him and Lanyon recovering in The Society's med-bay (always knew they had one) while being lovey dovey and flirty with one another, it was all just wonderful from start to finish.

But then the final page came and sent me like nothing else, because I was not prepared for Lanyon being horny on main towards Jekyll WHILE RACHEL AND ITO WERE RIGHT THERE, like, my guy, you need to chill, this was so insane of him, I loved it! XD

But then again, apparently our favourite frontal lobe sharing duo weren't so bothered, because they apparently got a little too excited about the prospect of Lanyon as a vampire, AND THAT'S HOW THE STORY ENDS! Sage had the audacity to end it with these two arguing over who manifested a wet dream about Lanyon, while then stating that- no matter what either said -they were both guilty, and I respect that so damn much. It's both funny, spicy, and even a tad sweet when you look past the "horny for vampire Lanyon" layer.

They both love this man, and after this story, I get it.

To think, they don't even know what the actual comic's story has in store for them. Canon or not, Sage knocked it out of the park with this bonus story. It's just super validating to see this kind of story from the author of the comic. My hat goes off to them, 5 stars.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put Hyde through this new and fresh Dracula style angst Sage has gifted to us all.

Have a good week, stay hydrated and stay safe. Love you all! -RB. X3

[frikatilhi]

About that new interview. I now feel conflicted about my bojere shipping. Like, I'd NEVER send Bojan fucking letters about it (WTF is wrong with people??? I'm actually shocked), but does even the concept of it bother him for real, or is he okay with it as long as it's just fun and games (and not shoved in his face)? The Cyprus vacation took place after the interview and he didn't post anything about it himself. But he let Jere post at least a little bit and it was all extremely bojere heavy (i'm assuming they talked about it and bojan agreed that jere could post the things he did). So am I "allowed" to enjoy my little fanarts and fanfics about them (emphasis on fan FICTION) or should i feel bad and fear that i'm ruining a really special friendship, because some people take it way too far? 😅 From everything we've seen so far, I'm assuming that Jere does not mind the shipping (at least as long as it stays somewhat playful and not too serious). I really hope that it won't get to the point where we get no bojere content at all (even in just a friendship sense) bc some people ruined it for all of us. 🙁

RPF is fine taking the F to the RP's is not

my tl;dr under here

It's okay to feel conflicted about this stuff; we don't want to cause any harm! It's not a nice feeling to think our silliness here might make some wacko think they're on to something and inspire them to spew hate at anyone. But Bojan gets all kinds of shit thrown at him a lot, so if it wasn't this it would probably be something else, and everyone really is only responsible for their own actions. Keep it in fandom spaces and don't start believing your delulus are real, that's rpf 101.

I feel like regarding shipping the crux of it is here. After mentioning Käärijä he sort of backtracks a little: ”I’m not even talking about this situation [bojere] at all but in general, about all the lies that are being spread.” 

I personally get the feeling that his beef is not about the Käärijä stuff as such, but with how lies and rumours take off online and how it results in harassment. Like how he gets letters from some wacko saying how he’s a horrible person for ignoring Jere, while in reality he’s on the phone with Jere at that same moment.

Is he against shipping in general, does it bother him? I don't think we can tell either way based on this interview. In the past both of them have seemed pretty chill about it, but who knows. If people harrass him about it, I can imagine it could get tiresome.

But he keeps speaking so fondly of his fans, and international fans, and Finland, and Jere, that I get a strong feeling that he doesn't lump us all together but is only speaking of those who "can't separate reality from entertainment". Also, based on how they talk of each other, their friendship is not affected by this but they're able to support each other when things get tough.

So I'd say, anon, that you're still "allowed" to enjoy your entertainment, as much as I'm allowed to grant you that permission 😆

[soratsuart]

Hey, you know something that really bothers me from the Fnaf fandom? The way the general fandom and theorizers ignore the daycare attendant.

Like, it could be just me, but I've never seen anyone outside of the DCA sub fandom talk about them and it's so??? Am I the only one who thinks they're being set up to be kind of important??? Take the ruin dlc trailer for example. They could have chosen anything to be the miniature for the video. Hell, the ruin logo itself would have worked. But no, they chose to spoil the trailer itself by putting Eclipse on it, one of the only two characters the fandom is theorising that might be friendly and the only one that actually does a friendly gesture towards Cassie (I'm sorry, but I really didn't interpret Roxy's head tilting as her being non-agressive until other people started saying it and I still have many doubts about her being friendly in contrast to Eclipse when Sun is there too).

Also, the Daycare has a big presence in the trailer too??? It's where we first see the Vanny mask being used and the virtual reality thingy. They could have chosen anywhere to show us that, but it's specifically the daycare.

And that's not even counting all the strange things surrounding them in the main game, like hello???? Sun is literally the only animatronic in the whole fucking Pizzaplex that doesn't try to kill you and that can't even jumpscare you even though Moon apparently is affected by the Glitchtrap virus. How come Sun isn't aggressive while Moon is even though they share a body??? Shouldn't the both of them be infected????

Also, Moon is weirdly more... Self aware than other enemies in the Pizzaplex??? The others act all deranged and like they're not fully conscious of what they're doing, while Moon always stroke me as being fully aware of his own actions?? That might just be my impression tho.

And what's up with the endo daycare??? Why is that whole area Moon themed???? Not even Daycare Attendant themed, Sun is not present there at all, it's all Moon. Why Moon? Why not Sun or both??? Especially when supposedly the company only wanted Sun for the daycare and they just couldn't get rid of the light trigger. I don't know about you, but if I made a room dedicated to teaching robots how to take care of children, I'd have the iconography of the place to be about the actual animatronic I want to take care of children. It's so interesting and yet I've seen almost no one talk about it. Fnaf fandom you're missing out on a lot.

TL;DR: The general Fnaf fandom isn't paying enough attention to the Daycare Attendant even though I believe they might be setting them to be more important than we realize

[tnbc-thoughtsandheadcanons]

Something that has always bothered me about The nightmare before Christmas sequels and the fandom is how Sallys abuse is never talked about or swept under the rug or down played as not that bad. The movie does a great way how showing how abusers can deceive peoplelike every thing is fine but nothing really is. The Dr only hurts Sally when no one is looking or when they are alone and unfortunately when Jack is around he puts on a act like he’s a good guy that would never hurt anyone so Jack is not suspicious Sally is in Danger. I understand this is a difficult subject but I believe one that should be talked about. Sallys story is one of hope that things can and will get better ❤️‍🩹 and that you are not tethered to your abuser. 

I believe I've talked about it before, how Sally's situation with the Doctor can be looked at through the lens of abuse, much like Lock, Shock, and Barrel with Oogie Boogie. Dr. Finkelstein is well-liked among his fans, who have arguments against the whole 'abuse' thing, but I think it's an interesting discussion worth having from its complexities. It doesn't get much focus in many Nightmare adaptations at all.

The Doctor is overprotective and overbearing - as his expectations for Sally are not to join in on the Halloween celebrations (which is Halloween Town's most beloved time + purpose), and from that we can surmise that he doesn't allow her much freedom outside of the tower. His punishment to her is locking her in her room with a gigantic piece of wood over the door, for how long is undetermined, but it leads to Sally's escape being something drastic like jumping out of a window.

He treats Sally's restless behavior as a "phase that will pass", with enough "patience". But, really, what is Sally's 'restless behavior' beyond just wanting to go outside and join in on the fun? To meet people, to make friends? Dr. Finkelstein, whether intentionally or not, is trying to cage Sally and enforce that her 'acceptable' behavior is to be content living and serving him, and not seeking a life outside of him and the tower.

There is some emotional manipulation you can see in the movie between the Doctor and Sally, and it comes across a little more clearly in Caroline Thompson's Draft:

And abusers can be good or even well-liked people. The Doctor and Jack clearly have a friendship, or they at least get along well, as Jack comes to him for some lab equipment and seeks his help with the skeletal reindeer, and the Doctor is kind and welcoming to him in return. It's not really clear whether or not Jack *knows* how Sally is being treated at home, in both recent Nightmare books it's addressed and received badly by Jack (who wants to fix the situation), but it could be very easily guessed he may not notice anything if Sally doesn't talk about it and the Doctor presents nothing as wrong. (The Doctor does pull Sally away during Halloween, trying to be quiet about taking her back, so he may not want to make a scene with her and have others know their situation.)

Sally taking the initiative to escape on her own, to use her wits and learn special concoctions to poison Dr. Finkelstein with (a little morally-gray though), and re-sewing her dismembered limbs on is empowering and teaches us that you can overcome your obstacles. What she and the Doctor have is definitely far from a healthy relationship, and something some abused people can relate to - Finkelstein's emotional manipulations and caging Sally inside as a servant, and her poisoning and escaping him in response to these things.

I am glad Sally ends up freeing herself in the end, and that she finds a life away from Finkelstein. I like seeing Nightmare fan-material addressing what Sally has gone through and how she learns to heal + grow from her time with the Doctor, and I also like seeing the same for him in return, to treat his newer creation better and learn from his mistakes and become a better person through it. I don't think he's necessarily a 'villain' in any sense, but a person whose intentions and actions are abusive, as they cause much more harm than good.

[burningcheese-merchant]

I have. A few things to say! First of all, thank you for writing for here (and there, but I do not have an AO3)! I’m very in much love with someone going crazy for another and *mwah* do you do it right and justice! That said, prioritize yourself! Drink water! Eat! Do not burn out, and do not feel pressured to do stuff! I hope that your spark burns for long after this fandom!

Thank you so, so much for your kind words! I know you sent multiple asks, so I'm going to try to respond to the first two in one post, if that's ok! (I'll answer the PitayaFire one separately)

Don't you know that the truest, most profound kind of love is born not beneath the soft, pale light of the full moon, not in the sound of a pair's steps as they dance the night away, not within the warmth and security of a tender embrace, but within the walls of the solitary confinement cell in the "dangerous and violent" housing section of a psych ward? LOL jk. It's really fun writing a lovesick/obsessed person for some reason. I don't have this dynamic for any of my other ships, this is the first time I've opted to explore a darker, more uncomfortable and unstable route/interpretation of a "relationship" and it's honestly been a blast lol. (I DO also ship mutual BurningCheese, but under specific conditions, AKA Burning Spice has a redemption arc and GC falls for him on her own. I just can't justify them being together if he's still evil. So long as he is, the love is one-sided)

I really am grateful for your compliments and encouragement. I've got a super big and important BurningCheese fic in the oven rn, but I do need to actually focus on real life for a bit, so it'll be some time. I'll be posting drabbles on here and a fic or two on AO3 where BS is NOT dangerously insane, just a regular asshole who's down bad lol

You can rest assured that my crazy diamond will continue shining on long after I get tired of these games about talking cookies. I always loved writing, it's my favorite hobby and it's my only way of expressing my creativity since I can't draw to save my life. I actually have a 100% original work I've been tinkering with for a loooong time, but I always wanted that story to be told in comic form, and to do that... I have to learn to draw lol. (And that's... a really big mountain to climb. I want to climb it more than anything, but I don't know if I can. Feels like I keep slipping and falling on my ass every time I try to take and retake the first step on the first rock, you know? Idk how anyone does it, honestly...) In any case, I'm truly grateful for you and everyone else who bothers to look at my work and actually thinks it's good for some reason

Did you see that gacha animation though 👀 The way BS is looking at her 👀 y'all can't tell me he ain't thirsty. Look at that twinkle in his eye. Look at that smile. He wants to tear up more than just those wings, I'm telling you 👀 Shadow Milk is a silly billy, he thinks puppet shows and gaslighting are how you flirt with people. Mystic Flour is probably just like "what. What is this. Who is this man. Why is he handsome. Why do I feel this way. Emotions are futile. Love is ephemeral. I will not stray from the path. I will trap him in my mind prison and torture him. That will fix it. He will surrender to apathy. He will return my soul jam. He will see how smart and correct I am. Cloud Haetae will sing my praises to him until he believes them. Yes. That is what will happen. Victory is mine. I am Very Normal about this." Burning Spice? Down horrendous. Down crazy. When GC is there, it's like no one else is in the room. Won't stop smiling. Only mentions the Soul Jam once, focuses on her specifically the whole rest of the time. First real thing he says to her is how much she impresses him. Throws a tantrum after their fight essentially because she didn't step on him hard enough. Down bad. Down bad. Down bad. Ain't no way he isn't. You can't change my mind

Sorry for rambling. TL;DR: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie (also thank you for your support)

[dimalry]

It's not about you being critical it's about misinformation:

{{ of his hands, stained blue from the places they touched on my waist, my arms, but somehow, never more than that. }}

{{ “Feyre, for Cauldron’s sake. I drug you, but you don’t wonder why I never touch you beyond your waist or arms?”

Until tonight—until that damned kiss. I gritted my teeth, but even as my anger rose, a picture cleared. }}

What you dr aw was very disturbing. And on top of that it was not canon while you tried to sell it as such. Rhys painted Feyre’s body to prove to her he's not touching her untoward. Yes he drugged but the alternative would've been her staying in her cell hearing the constant screaming. Her being in those parties while the next day she barely remembers anything was everything Rhysand could've done for her at that situation. And most importantly Feyre understood. And the reason her and Rhys work so well is she would go the same length if not more, to keep the people she loves safe and protected just like Rhys did.

I don't expect you to agree with me and I only bother because I really like your arts and it was huge shock seeing those arts. And even now your art is a headcanon not canon because Rhysand never touched her chest or any private parts of her. This fandom already suffers from misinformation and lies and people goes with it without their facts checked.

And most importantly Rhys apologised. He apologised through acomaf and he's still trying to make it up to her. He feels guilty for not being able to handle the situation better, not because he could do better. Saying the mmc raped fmc while that's the furthered from truth was what made me disheartened. No one's denying what happened UTM. But you showed a worse situation that it already is.

I'm not gonna make this ask any longer because I think me bringing facts wouldn't go anywhere since you have your own mind set and it will only adds to the toxicity.

But your post was anti and I think people who would rather not see these kinda post should have a safe tag. The "feysand critical" was fine but adding "feysand" tag wasn't.

I hope you have a good day

I understand and I‘m sorry about the misinformation. I never actually tagged the artwork as „Feysand“, only „critical Feysand“ and I‘ve removed the red handprints and kisses that suggest he had done more than canon states (when corrected)- I do not want my artwork about SA perceived as headcanon and my intention wasn’t to disturb anyone. I know I should’ve thought better.

It’s only tagged as acotar for now, but I‘ll probably take it down entirely. Or maybe just remove the drawings of Feysand and leave it only at Feyre hugging her knees- that should be accurate enough, since in canon she wasn‘t in good health like so many artists depict her as such. I think it would be fair to also correct artists who draw her like a super model utm.

I still think that SA had occurred and I blame it entirely on the author for handling it all so poorly. The apology in acomaf didn’t feel like an apology to me. I guess it’s different for everyone.

Thank you for your ask, have a lovely day as well 🫶🏽

[crusherthedoctor]

As an IDW fan believe it or not, I do know how you feel, because I sometimes can’t even post funny quirky memes about my favorite idw characters without being told I’m a fake Sonic fan, there is nothing wrong with liking anything from Sonic that isn’t necessarily faithful to the games! If your friends are giving you a hard time for liking a movie they are not your friends! I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I never thought the day would come where an IDW fan approached me with more consideration and basic decency than game fans. :P First time for everything, I guess.

For what it's worth, whenever someone's followed me and they have an IDW character as their avatar, I always feel bad because "yeah, you're probably not going to be following me for long lmao". Despite my endless layers of beef with the comic - which I should note is doubled by the fact that much like Prime, IDW is bizarrely treated as though it's canon to the game universe despite not actually being the case, which is very much not the situation with the movies and their fans, so that's an additional reason for why the changes in the movies bother me less by comparison - I don't go out of my way to take a piss on the fans who simply like it in their own space. It's always been the Flynn cultists (I don't use that word loosely: I held off on it for a long time because I didn't want to sound like a drama clickbait YouTuber, but with all their growing hijinks, I really struggle to think of a more accurate term for them now) that I have an legitimate issue with.

I already believed that the Sonic fandom (and Tumblr in general TBH) had a bad habit of jumping from one extreme to the other, never learning any valuable lessons all the while. Needless to say, this hasn't done much to dissuade that belief. It's actually one of the reasons why I had my 10 minute retirement period not so long ago: I didn't like how the fandom was shaping me, and I didn't like the way it was changing us. It's not a coincidence that during all this time, I've refused to advocate for intense gatekeeping, because while fandom tourists can certainly create undesirable and persistent complications, just look at Ian Flynn and the Encyclospeedia, that so-called solution is just way too disproportionate and overreaching for my personal comfort. I'm not going to say that I handle fandom affairs perfectly, I know I've made a mistake on occasion, but... I feel like nowadays, I'm being backed into a corner a lot more frequently between both sides of the equation. I don't know what I'm expected to do. I can be respectful, I can be sympathetic, but the one thing I can't do is mindlessly change how I feel about something artificially just so my stance is convenient enough for approval. And when you're always being talked down to like an idiot, no matter how many times you explain yourself, no matter how much leeway you give to them... well, maybe people were onto something about the hivemind accusations...

The worst part in the movie's case is that I knew going in that it was going to be a lose-lose scenario. Either I didn't like it, and thus I wouldn't be able to join in on other people's enjoyment, or I did like it, and thus I would become an enemy on sight for SA2 diehards, regardless of any nuance to my thoughts on it. I knew not everyone would like it, which is fine, but it seems the other way around is non-existent.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this, but tl;dr, I appreciate your understanding. :) I stand by my thoughts on influential adaptations that grind my gears, but outside of the aforementioned cultists and the obnoxious influence and behaviour of the Archie leftovers themselves (shout out to the Shadow scat edit), I'm trying to relax more otherwise, and I've been wondering if more folk could benefit from the same. If the guy who has to keep seeing headache-inducing Eggdad fanart everywhere can do it, anyone can.

[bambi-kinos]

loved ur recent post on paul whump !! besides the linked one(which I've never read so thanks!) do you have👀👀 any recommendations👀👀👀👀

tl;dr - it's slim pickins out there.

First let's bring back an old differentiation: there's physical whump and then emotional whump, and that was an important distinction back in the day. I have looked for both and while there are some good emotional whump pieces, there is no readable physical whump besides the su!c!d3 fic. Physical whump is more of an action movie thing and in general Beatles fandom is not terribly interested in action and adventure so they don't write it. And the thing is, that's fine, that's a valid choice that anyone can make and we should write about the things we enjoy and not what we think others expect. But it also means that Paul whump fics basically don't exist in modern fandom as we know it. There are probably some on LJ or in the Google Docs McLennon archive since Stargate and Smallville were so big on LJ at the time and there was more x-fandom pollination but I don't want to Snipe hunt right now.

(For the record, I do have something in the works to fix this hole but it won't come out until next year if we're lucky.)

Emotional whump is more plentiful and there's well written stuff out there for sure. Most of the emotional whump I've enjoyed is centered around John's suffering and while Paul's misery is apparent it's not the focus of those pieces. So this took some digging into my bookmarks and memory. What I like in a good Paul whump fic is how his own arrogance and narcissist tendencies come back to bite him OR he's having to put up with John's shit when John is being horrible.

In that spirit, here are my recommendations for decent emotional whump focused on Paul:

Barcelona - Selena. I enjoy this one because Selena let's Paul be a whole person here. It's not just John and Brian bothering him, it's the fact that he's trapped with someone who reminds him of what he's lacking and how this hurts him, both now and in the past. Parallels to the Barcelona situation are subtle and well drawn so you get all of the agony without being hit over the head with it. John is opaque to Paul who doesn't understand why he's acting like this which is a nice change from what we often see in fanfic where John just blurts out what he's feeling. Here we see how much Paul suffers when John is trying too hard to be clever.

A Hole in the World - RosalindBeatrice. Linda bears witness to the aftermath of John's murder in Paul. Easily the absolute best fanfiction on this list.

Birthday - Selene. Love this one because Selene writes Paul as an actual character instead of the heteronormative girly thing he often gets slapped with. Paul is once again bitter, angry and unhappy because the boy he fell in love with has already disappeared. He is forced to be the adult in a room full of manchildren and he hates it...but he also sucks it up and does it anyway. Because he is Paul McCartney and being the foundation of The Beatles and cleaning up John's messes is exactly what he signed up for and he will do it because no one else can. I think of this one all the time. It lives rent free in my head.

Red Sky - thinkpink20. What I appreciate about thinkpink20 is that she is brave enough to let John be absolutely awful but she also humanizes him so you can see his inner pain and confusion driving that horribleness. This is a nice one where John is no where near to figuring himself out but Paul is, and then when Stuart's living shadow gets into the mix, no one is happy.

From Barcelona To Santa Cruz - thinkpink20. Another post-Spain fic but this time John articulates his defense well which of course humiliates and angers Paul even further because John proves he is human and capable of empathy, which Paul didn't want to write into the equation.

the crane wife - mynamesbetty. Betty was showing me the first drafts of this one and all I could say was: "Paul is a horrible person. He's a fucking homewrecker. He deserves this." That's what I like best about this story. Paul is a selfish asshole and he hurts everyone and himself by being self centered, petulant, and cowardly. Every single awful thing that happens to him is strictly the result of his own actions. He manages to make himself the Coyote in a Looney Tunes cartoon including the bit where he runs straight off the cliff, doesn't realize it, and then looks down just as he starts falling before he shoots the viewer a look asking for help. And then the ACME anvil falls on him.

So those are my recommendations on Paul whump. It ended up being a longer list than I expected so that's something. Hope you enjoy the recommendations and please check out the other fanfics by these authors, they're all great.

[filthyfluffyfantasies]

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . DL;DR - this fic is not meant for anyone under the age of 18 as it contains the following: thigh riding, use of petnames ( e.g, good girl, sugar, etc ) swearing. writer does not give permission for her works to be reposted, with or without permission. ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

prompt one - thigh riding

character | fandom - gareth emerson | stranger things

reader | original character - female reader, cheerleader & non -or vague, description.

words - roughly 2.7k

tagging - taglist here

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . you stop by gareth's house to pick up a text book and your sweater to find him playing drums in his garage. a drumming lesson -and thigh riding, ensue. ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆. ───

❝ I don't get it. You could have any of the boys in the senior class and he's the one that gets you all hot and bothered? Gareth Emerson? I don't see the attraction, girl. Sorry..❞ - your best friend Angela's question pulls you out of your thoughts. You stick your tongue out at Angela and shrug. ❝ I've just always really liked him. He's a sweet guy, alright?❞

Angela shakes her head at your obvious distraction as the stop sign on the corner of the street Gareth lives on comes into sight. You've been dancing around your crush on the older boy for years now, damned if she has the first clue why. She wishes you'd just make a move, you're popular and it isn't like you can't have any boy you want.

❝ Its whatever, just do something already, damn it! Don't forget your sweater again, bitch! Tomorrow is the pep rally and Chrissy wanted everyone to match.❞ she calls out to you as she hurries away, leaving you alone at the stop sign.

From your spot, you can just barely hear Van Halen and drums. The door to the Emerson garage is open for once, a lone figure - Gareth -you recognize the red flannel instantly. It feels as if you're frozen, watching him bang away at the red drum kit from your spot.

He's just a boy. Get a grip. - the thought gets you moving in the direction of his house. And you intended to get what you came for and leave but you find yourself drawn to the garage instead.

Eyes glued to him as he twirls a drumstick between his fingers, cheeks red, his thick curls bounce with each move he makes. He's so focused on the song and keeping time with it that he doesn't see you as you linger, leaned against the door frame, twisting the end of your ponytail around the tip of your finger as you pop a quiet bubble with your chewing gum.

He's so pretty, you think, biting your bottom lip as he gets really into the drum solo. The faster he moves, the more his curls bounce.

It's truly a sight to behold and you’re mesmerized. Daydreaming.

You get so caught up in it that you don't realize he's not playing anymore and you're staring like an idiot until he's standing in front of you, close enough that you can smell cigarettes and the crisp clean scent of the body soap he uses. He clears his throat, snapping his fingers in front of your face to get your attention.

❝ Something you want?❞ - the question asked quietly, an edgy tone as he gives you a wary once-over. 

You open your mouth to answer but just like every single other time he's spoken or you're just near the guy, it's as if you're tongue is glued to the roof of your mouth and the words won't come because your brain refuses to work. You manage a shrug.

Gareth grumbles to himself and mumbles something under his breath. 

And boy when your brain and mouth decide they'll finally work, they immediately begin working way too well because the first thing that comes when you finally open your mouth is ❝ You have really pretty hands. I uhm..I noticed when you were playing the drum solo for Hot for Teacher.❞ 

Gareth raises a brow. Then he snickers quietly. It has to be a joke or an insult disguised as something nice. It has to be, he thinks, there's no way Munson is right. Not about her having a thing for me, that's like.. impossible.

❝ Shit.❞ you laugh softly and shake your head, frustrated with yourself for being so awkward. ❝ I uh..I meant to think that..to myself..I'm gonna uh..❞ you stare at the door behind his back helplessly, ❝ I just came by to get my Algebra book and my sweater. ❞ 

Okay he thinks just as soon as he's clocked the way heat creeps into your cheeks and the way you can't be still and you keep stepping just a little closer maybe Munson is onto something. She's always so quiet or jumpy around me. 

As you step past him to go into the house and grab your sweater and the damned Algebra book you loathe with every fiber of your being, he steps into your way and you swallow hard, your head tilted as you stare up at him, twisting hair around your finger. ❝ Is something wrong?❞ you finally manage to speak. He chuckles quietly. ❝ I could show you, y'know.❞ 

You bite your bottom lip, eyes flitting to the drum kit nearby. It's something he enjoys, therefore, you're interested in it too. But learning to play seems a bit..daunting. Like you might be a bother.

But you think it's a way to be close to him. Take him up on it.

❝ Y-yeah❞ you smile as you stammer out the word, ❝ I'd like..totally love that, Gareth.❞ and as soon as you realize exactly how flirtatious you sound, a slow heat rises to your cheeks. ❝ Does now work?❞ you've stepped closer, vanilla and strawberry fills his nose as your soft little body rubs against his softly. You’re staring up at him with that cute little shy grin and twirling your hair and his train of thought jumps all the tracks, he's zoned out for a few seconds, unfocused. A hand grazes your hip before he can stop himself. 

❝ Yeah. Now is perfect, actually.❞ - and he's silent. He has not one clue what to do, he never thought he'd make it as far as he did. He assumed that you'd laugh at his offer, he never once stopped to consider at all the possibility that you'd say yes, let alone want to do it immediately.

You're doing it again, you have this cute little nervous habit where you bite your lip a lot when you're nervous. She does it nonstop around me, he thinks, stepping even closer as he clears his throat and nods to his drum kit, giving you a little smirk. 

You wander over behind him, pouting the whole way because he stepped away from you and you missed the body to body contact you had.

He sits down on the stool and pats his thigh. You gaze at his lap, swallowing hard, your heart about to beat right out of your chest. He chuckles quietly and reaches out, pulling you down into his lap. You wind up settled on one of his thighs and biting back a whimper as you feel your body get fire-hot all over in a split second, you manage to pull together enough to glance over your shoulder at him as he slips his arms around you to grab his drumsticks.

❝ Hey.❞ you ask, ❝ do you know any Metallica? Or Def Leppard?❞

He chuckles, a little stunned that you can even name any musicians beyond Madonna because he's only ever heard you listening to her when you're over babysitting. 

❝ You..you listen to those bands?❞ he asks, shock and awe making his eyes widen almost comically and you laugh softly, grinning as you nod. ❝ And Poison, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne.. What? Music is music, Gare.❞

❝ Yeah, well..❞ he trails off. He almost points out that people think it's weird but he keeps the thought to himself instead.

He doesn't want to be like the people who judge and bully him.

❝ How about this one?❞ he starts to play the drum solo for Foolin. ❝ Do you know that song?❞ he asks, rough lips just barely graze your ear when he asks, chuckling quietly.

You bite back a whine, his breath is warm, his voice is silk and gravel all at once, everything combines to be a distraction to you, so much that you barely manage to keep your cool enough to answer, a breathy ❝ Yeah. Foolin..right? Is it Foolin by Def Leppard?❞

He chuckles quietly. Manages a nod as he leans against your back and mutters a husky and quiet ❝ It is. Good girl, sugar.❞

Forgetting where you happen to be sitting, you do a little happy dance when he confirms that you've gotten it right. When he calls you a good girl, you can feel yourself melting. All your weight settles solidly on his thigh, which you're straddling.

You wind up rocking yourself right over his thigh and Gareth bites back a growl, his drumstick falling from his fingertips as he feels himself starting to get hard, the way you've rocked yourself against his thigh going straight to his cock. 

That felt so good, you think, if I were braver… - the thought goes unfinished because Gareth clears his throat and after he picks up the drumstick he's dropped, he places both sticks into your hand, his hands engulfing yours as he chuckles quietly. ❝ You wanna hold 'em like this, ❞ he takes the drumsticks back, demonstrating the proper way but you're too distracted by his hands to retain what he's shown you so when he wraps his hands around yours, you squeak quietly. 

Gareth snickers to himself, thinking, Okay, maybe Munson is onto something here. Wait, - that thought is quickly replaced by a heaping dose of skepticism in the form of, There's no way. Maybe she's just shy. Or maybe I'm too close and it's making her uncomfortable. That has to be it..Unless…

But when he lets go of your hands and they just happen to fall to your sides, caging you in place on his lap and you whine a little, squirming in his lap until your back is pressed totally against his chest and you manage to rock yourself over his thigh at least two times in the process, he finds himself wondering.

If you weren’t comfortable, you wouldn't keep trying to get even closer to him.

❝ I..uh..This is okay, right?❞ you ask quietly and you don't dare turn around and look at him because you can feel your body burning hot and you know if you were to, the desire you have to make a move might just trump any self preservation you still have and then you might really make things awkward. 

❝ It’s fine. Are you okay?❞ he asks, curious because you're breathless and you keep moving around. He's in the midst of kicking himself for not just letting you have the stool to yourself while he stood behind you and the entire time, you're trying to press yourself down against his thigh just a little more because the way it feels when you do it is so good that you can't resist trying. 

You’re aching, the accidental brushes up and down the length of his thigh have you throbbing with need and soaking through thin lace beneath your cheer skirt. You finally manage to mumble ❝ Y-yeah. I'm fine.❞ but you're dazed.

Gareth bites back a groan and he tries to focus on the music, on the way he's helping you hold the drumsticks in your hand, on anything but the warmth between your thighs or the way it feels when you move around, pressing yourself down into his thigh just a little harder each time you do it.

 ❝ Like this.❞ he takes the sticks and demonstrates again, patiently. He nearly drops the sticks a third -fourth, time as you squirm just a little, all over again. 

You giggle softly, cheeks on fire. ❝ Sorry! I'm so bad at this.❞ you mutter. He laughs quietly, the warmth of his breath tickles your ear. ❝ No you're not. Nobody can play when they're just starting out, sugar.❞ he mutters, pressing his chest against your back even more as his hands cover your own again. ❝ Good girl.❞ he chuckles quietly against your ear, ❝ See? You're already getting the hang of it.❞

Just make a move already. The thought comes, Gareth coughs quietly as it does. The worst that will happen is she laughs. You’re kind of used to that reaction. - but for all the sense it makes, there's a huge reason he just can't bring himself to do it.

He actually likes you. A lot. Enough that the two or three times he's called you sugar or good girl has him worried that he's going overboard, dangerously close to blowing any chance in his wildest dreams that he might’ve had with you.

Just do something. He doesn't have to be the one to take the lead, y'know. - the thought is nagging at you. ❝ I've got an amazing teacher...❞ you take a deep breath and prepare yourself. You try to reign yourself in, even if it's only a little. It's probably way too late for that now, you think, might as well just go for it.

One of you needs to do something. He's both totally oblivious and entirely too nice to make a move.

And you want him bad enough that you're sick of fighting it. You're done chickening out.

As you turn to face him, his drumstick crashes to the concrete, the sound is jarring. You press yourself down against his thigh and his breath hangs, he just barely manages to stop another growl as his fingers dig into your lower back and your hip. ❝ __?❞ he questions, caught off guard. 

You swallow hard and your eyes settle on the way pearly teeth graze against the rough skin of his bottom lip. He goes to speak again, his words cut off by your finger pressing into his mouth.

❝ You’re kinda beautiful.❞ you mutter in awe. He can't stop the low growl that rises up from deep in his chest this time. Blue eyes fix on the way you've raised one of your hands, caught his signature red flannel vest in your grip as you rock yourself over his thigh all over again. ❝I've always thought so..❞ you add as an afterthought.

You look him in the eyes as you say it, a little hiss slips out as your eyes flutter open and closed and your head falls back a little. You’re rocking yourself against his thigh just a little faster now. He can feel how hot you're getting. He's hard enough to break and half afraid that any second, he's going to wake up and realize this was just another wet dream.

❝ You are, sugar.❞ he mumbles, half expecting to wake up because what's happening, it has to be a dream.

You lock eyes with him and move closer. Slipping your arms around his neck. ❝ Can I..❞ you stop talking, you need a minute or two to pull yourself together, ❝ Can I kiss you, pretty boy?❞ 

Gareth Emerson is floored. He's never had anyone want to kiss him, let alone ask him like you just have. ❝ Do you wanna kiss me, sweetheart?❞ he asks, gazing up at you. 

❝ Mhm.❞ you're practically purring, melting into him even more. It takes a few seconds but he finally catches on, realizes it's not a dream and you're leaning in real close. His heart is pounding like a drum. When you rock yourself over his thigh yet again, he groans and catches hold of your hips, warns you ❝ If you keep it up, sugar...❞ as his lips just barely graze your own. 

The whine that escapes your mouth is needy and it's not quiet at all. You drag your fingers through thick curls and tug as your mouth bumps against his softly. Clumsy. ❝ I can't stop.❞ you mumble as your tongue parts his lips, dragging along his tongue, ❝ I..I don’t wanna. Feels so good.❞ the kiss deepens, his hand raises, slipping up your shirt and underneath your bra as you moan out his name and he squeezes your hip, guiding you back and forth over his thigh, ❝ Good girl. Let me help, yeah?❞

❝ P-please?❞ you beg, gasping softly when he moves you from his thigh to his lap and you can feel his clothed bulge as it presses up into you. He nips at your bottom lip hungrily, a hand raised to tug your hair free so that it tumbles down from the two crooked ponytails you pulled it up into for cheer practice this afternoon. The two of you are breathless, every single time he bucks himself up into you, he's bigger. Harder.

❝ Tell me how that feels, sugar. I..I wanna make you feel good.❞

❝ Feels so good. So good.❞ you nip at his lip and he parts your lips with his tongue all over again, ❝ I can feel how wet you are, sweetheart.❞ he mutters, ❝ –ah fuck. such a good little girl for me, aren't y'?❞

You melt into him all over again, throbbing, needy and begging him to take you right then and there…

[inkblackorchid]

What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)

*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.

After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?

Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.

No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.

I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.

Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.

Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...

We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.

(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)

There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?

The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.

(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)

As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)

(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)

The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.

(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)

After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.

However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.

We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.

(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)

Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.

(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)

And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.

However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.

(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)

Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.

(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)

This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)

And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.

Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.

(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)

So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.

I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).

(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)

Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.

And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.

(Bird boy is angry, watch out)

This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.

At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.

(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)

Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...

And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.

But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)

To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.

Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.

Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.

For now, see you in part two.

[cios-correct-opinions]

@starrynightarchive

big ol tl;dr for anyone looking:

if ppl "not appreciating" female characters by creating content for them bc they don't want to bothers you that much? there's only one thing you can and should do:

MAKE YOUR OWN CONTENT OR APPRECIATION POSTS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK PEOPLE SHOULD DO INSTEAD AND STOP DEMANDING PEOPLE CHANGE THEIRS. IF YOUR FANDOM SPACE IS LACKING IN CONTENT YOU WANNA SEE? MAKE IT. DO IT. NOTHING'S STOPPING YOU EXCEPT YOURSELF.

but if you don't wanna do that and you don't wanna pay someone to, then stop complaining.

(note re: the discourse thing/me wanting to "start discourse": i only reblogged onto my "discourse" sideblog bc i didn't want this on my main blog. not bc i think it's automatically discourse. political stuff just goes over here now so i can keep the things more separated for my own sake)

op of the post blocked me but im genuinely baffled at this response

because how in the fuck did you gather ANY of that from me saying this

brother all i did was define what the word means. like i am so baffled as to how you decided that i was implying op was transphobic or some shit bc i absolutely was not!

nor was i trying to start discourse. i was literally just saying that, in my experience in the circles i'm in and the people i've seen, doing both is possible and they often do both. i'm not a huge fan of cis genderbends myself in any direction because if i'm gonna genderbend they're gonna be trans given that i am also trans

and then theres this that i said

which everyone seems to have completely ignored. bc that's the crux of this. it's not that they dislike the canon women it's that they want to take their blorbos they love the most and girl them because that's how fandom works. it's about self indulgence. fandom is supposed to be you doing what you love the most, and engaging with the characters you love the most, bc it's about fun

why are yall trying to force people to post abt characters they may not care for for a number of reasons? bc thats what this feels like. it feels like you want ppl to talk abt, post abt, write abt, draw abt, etc, characters they are not super passionate for, simply bc you believe they should, bc you think what they do in fandom is some kind of formula for their like, actual real world beliefs

i genuinely cannot stress enough to you guys that most peoples actions in fandom are almost entirely divorced from any political meaning. or at least, they were, until people started acting like that was a sin actually and that if you liked this character or if you liked too many male characters and not enough female ones that means youre secretly a misogynist who just hates women so much because you don't post about them all the time

most of my fandom blorboposting ends up being about a handful of any random assortment of characters because that's who my brain latches on to, but that doesn't say shit about my feelings about any other character. specifically in bsd, i mostly post and talk about literally two of the characters WAY more than the others bc they are my favorites. this includes ALL the other characters, just about. most of my fanworks are for them and will continue to be for them because they are my OTP and my top two in this series.

why is this important?

because someone genderbending a male character or multiple of them in order to see a CHARACTER THEY ALREADY THINK ABOUT 24/7 AND LIKE A LOT AND HAVE A DEEP ATTACHMENT TO, as a woman, does not mean they don't love and appreciate the canon women. holy shit. that's what i was criticizing in the original post.

also like. most of the ppl doing the genderbending i see are either women or like, somehow woman-aligned, or wlw/attracted to women in some way, etc. and most of them are making these genderbends bc theyre attracted to the canon character. it's self-indulgence it's ALMOST ALWAYS self-indulgence guys it's FANDOM that's what it's FOR you CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT A CHARACTER FOR ANY REASON AND STILL MAKE AN ETHICAL ARGUMENT OUT OF IT JFC

it wasn't meant to be discourse on my end either. i was trying to offer an alternate reason or perspective of approaching what op seemed to think was an issue given the wording of the post, by offering my personal experience. i also never said op was wrong, by the way, my expression of disbelief was also put alongside me going "maybe it's just the people i follow" because i tend to follow people who, when they do genderbends, are also avid fans of the canon women too, they just like the men they're genderbending more. hence why they're doing that.

this expectation within fandom that people must create content of female characters - or ANY characters - lest they be accused of despising them or not appreciating them is going to be the death of fandom and i'm so fucking serious. you CANNOT insist people spend their time making shit for FREE that they aren't 100% jazzed and excited about in FANDOM SPACES and then get mad when they don't do that and expect fandom to be something that continues for generations as it has in the past

and for the record seeing as how op reblogged with this which. where do i even start lmao. ik they've written me off as a woman-hating misogynist so i'm not expecting good faith arguments in response from them but, c'est la vie

[not-poignant]

You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

[navxry]

i know you haven't been as active (probably because of irl stuff) but I wanted to let you know that your writing has always struck me as something unique and refreshing within the yan community. i know every writer will have their own ideas and writing, but yours is something I'll never experience from someone else. all your twists and turns are written in a way where they have a good build up but are unexpected, and you create an unique world with each fic (or universe) that makes me feel immersed in the story. i can feel how much you love your stories through your writing and i think that's beautiful

(utc, a bit emotional of a talk/response from an ex-writer)

This was probably one of the nicest messages I'll ever get, so I'm gonna put everything I feel here.

Thank you for this, anon. I don't know who you are, I don't know if you're my friend on anon or something, but you don't know how much this means to me. I thought my works wouldn't go so far in the community I used to write, but seeing that it affected you made me happy.

However, you're right on one thing. I've been... really busy. Finals got me swamped for weeks in October, not to mention that I couldn't continue writing for @/yxstxrdrxxm. I refuse to disclose the reasons why I can't write for it anymore, because frankly, it's stupid (and honestly, it's not new for some people) and so I don't bore anyone to death.

I contemplated just keeping this to myself, but decided against it and let this go. After all, this is something that I wished I've known sooner when I used to run the blog (it'd probably make things feel worth it, y'know?)

But anyways, sorry. That's besides the point.

Again, thank you for saying this. Although it's too late (because I don't know if I will un-archive the damn blog, it... Makes me feel empty thinking about it), it made me feel like I'm human to you. I don't know if others who saw it can say the same (except for my friends, hi, I know you see this too), but its... nice.

I'm honestly so glad you can tell how much passion goes into them. Each fic is something more than just words that I've regurgitated to, because it makes me feel that I'm personally in that world, so to speak. Its why its so personal when certain fics (OLC's series of mini drabbles/"date" fics, WotD if I bothered to post anyway, which I doubt lol, standalone ones like Tailor of Inazuma, Losing Patience, and even Alone) feel so... yknow. Alive. Like you're in it, I suppose.

I honestly want people to experience that feeling I do, to feel like they're really immersed in whatever goes on in that fic. That even if it stops at the last word, at the last punctuation... It still leaves a mark on your mind. And I'm very happy to know that it made you as invested as I was in writing it, only that you're reading it.

You genuinely have no idea how happy it makes me feel. And that's me being honest and not "haha, I'm just being a menace". It's more of.. yknow. "damn, someone really likes it? and sees it that way? thats... really nice of them."

Even if I don't write for the yandere community anymore (at least, for a specific fandom, because I personally don't think I'll ever write anything for the sake of getting my name out there), I'm... gonna remember this. Who knows? Maybe you'll see my fics again. Maybe you won't. At this point, I don't even know myself.

Just know that your message was... a nice welcome against the feeling of genuine hopelessness and feeling of being nothing to everyone. It's not as impactful as some may assume, but trust me, it made me feel genuinely human and all that I put out there was worth the pain.

tl;dr: thanks, anon. Your message genuinely made me writing for a year with a yandere genshin/hyv fandom worth it, even at a time where acknowledgement is hard (or even rare) to come around. It made everything worth the effort, more than you may think.

(also, although I wont be writing for the yandere community anymore or more specifically, to a certain fandom that genuinely sucked my happiness dry, I'll remember your message. It means a lot more than you may think.)

Anyways, yeah. thanks for making me feel that everything is worth it, and for making me feel that all my efforts weren't for naught. you're a real one /gen /pos

[hopeymchope]

Do you think you can help me out? I don't understand why everyone loves Ibuki so much. I mean, I don't want to hate her, but the one thing I don't like is her music. It's been bothering me ever since I learned that she's a fan favorite, I want to know if anyone doesn't like Ibuki because of her music. I get that her popularity has to do with her jokes and fashion, but some of it feels like dark humor to me. You can read my blog for more info if you want (some of it doesn't make sense though).

I don't think anyone likes Ibuki's music aside from Hiyoko, lol. (Unless, of course, you're talking about that amazing fan recording of what "I Squeezed Out the Baby But I Have No Idea Who the Father Is" could sound like, which I would say is an absolute jam.) Just look at everyone else's reaction to it in-game! So you're definitely not alone in such an opinion; I'd be stunned to learn if ANY fans legitimately liked her in-game/in-anime music, actually. I always thought the whole POINT was that it's supposed to sound like a cacophony of garbage. But having some crap musical preferences isn't usually enough to hate OR love somebody, y'know? Whether they're real OR fictional.

(But please, y'all: If any of you legitimately love — or, like @dangan-kagura, totally hate — Ibuki for her.... eccentric musical style, I'd love to hear about that. I want to know you exist!)

But ultimately, I think Ibuki is beloved by the DR fanbase because of three main reasons:

A) Yes, she's funny and cartoonishly positive and speaks in the third person, but she also runs deeper/smarter than she usually acts. We do tend to really dig characters with layers to them that run deeper than our first superficial impression.

B) We also love someone who is relentlessly individualistic and shows no signs of caring what other people think of her. There's an admirable quality to her, particularly in how she's pursuing her music when we meet her.

C) A character with queer undertones (overtones?) is always a character that fandoms will gravitate towards.

Let me go a little more in-depth on those points.

Regarding point A: Obviously, Ibuki acts like a goofball a lot of the time, which can be endearing. But she also surprisingly pulls her weight in the class trials by catching others in lies, pressing people for answers, reporting on exactly what sounds/voices came from where at what points during Chapter 1's murder, and so on. She can be quite insightful — remember that in DR3's Despair Arc, she's the only person in Class 77-B who points out that there's something between Fuyuhiko and Peko — that they're clearly closer than they pretend to be. All of the above speaks to how lowkey observant she is, which supports how she can drop some legit wisdom, such as her mini-speech about "finding oneself" during her final FTE in Island Mode.

Regarding point B: As we gradually learn her background in-game from various conversations and FTEs, we find that she once wrote and co-performed a song with her Light Music Club that became a top-charting single. That fact combined with her incredible guitar skills helped her get scouted by Hope's Peak as the "Ultimate Musician." Even so, she ditched her club and quit pop music so she could make the heavier, harder music SHE wanted to make. And... it's not exactly being well-received, but she doesn't seem to give a damn. She left behind the easy route to praise and loads of cash so she could maintain her artistic integrity and do what she's passionate about and loves doing. That's easy to admire.

Regarding point C: At the end of Island Mode, if the player/Hajime suggests they could now be "lovers," she rejects that notion with a strong "DENIED!" Plus she talks about her heart pounding hard when she sees the other girls in their swimsuits. And there's her request for Mahiru to take picutres of Mikan in compromising positions when poor Tsumiki falls in Chapter 1. And, y'know... the infamous "Welcome to the world of girl love!" quote. All this together has made her be popularly believed to be gay or at least bi/pansexual, and characters with those kinds of hints just always get a lot of love from fans. Geeks do love their slash.

I hope this helped you understand why people are fond of her — including myself. I'd probably put her anywhere from tier 1 to tier 3 of my favorite characters, depending on the day. She's not a lock for the top level by any means, but I'm still a fan and enjoy her presence.

[deliciouskeys]

okay like being entirely honest i absolutely adore homelander i think he's stunning and i love the content people make for him but like... something that kinda bothers me and stops me from being able to fully enjoy homelander smut especially is the fact that he's literally a r*pist? and the way he treats women in the show is appalling i don't even care if it's the influence of trauma in his life it still makes me feel really uncomfortable..... idk it's just been on my mind recently since i've only recently been actively engaged with the fandom.

and like the whole butcher x homelander thing is really cute and the art for it is great and the memes are funny and whatever, but at the same time...... HL literally sa'd the love of butcher's life and constantly endangers the life of her son, and butcher has committed his life to destroying him....idk i just think about it whenever i see any homelander content. it's sad though. i have to catch myself whenever i find myself liking him too much because i have to remind myself how awful he is.

of course this isn't meant to hurt anyone who makes/enjoys the content!! but.... hmph. idk. does any of that make sense lmao?

Well, Anon, I’m not sure what you mean by “fully enjoy”. Everyone’s mileage may vary and you’re not obligated to like all content for a character or pairing.

“The whole butcher x homelander thing is really cute”

Ha! Well it can be, but I think there’s always an undercurrent of LOL DARK in this pairing. Most people in Butchlander fandom seem to have a morbid streak of humor and most are pretty sober about the fact that this is enemy slash with a good reason to be enemies (at least for one side). It helps that Billy Butcher is no saint, it helps that HL has an unusual backstory, but if you don’t like reading about bad people getting it on, you probably won’t like it.

There are a few writers that I know who just outright reject the r*pe part of show canon (not my preference, but you can indulgently hc whatever you want, anon, no one is stopping you).

Personally: Homelander is not only a rapist, but does a lot of other bad shit too. The fics I enjoy the most are probably ones where his warped logic and skewed values are depicted explicitly, actually, and where he’s put into bad enough straits to re-examine some of that. My indulgent saccharine hc is that the effects of being raised in a lab as a weapon can be at least partially undone by tough but genuine love— yes, precisely from a person HL has hurt, where the love is definitely not transactional, rather than from Vought personnel to whom he’s bringing benefit and profits. … And that Billy would ever provide that, given particular sets of circumstances 😅

Fics that that have made me uncomfortable (and I still read them lol): ones where HL brutally r*pes Billy (basically Billy Butcher whump for having the hubris to think he could defeat a supe), and ones where HL enters a relationship with Billy having r*ped and/or outright murdered Becca and Billy doesn’t know about it (to me this is the most disturbing, heh, makes HL more evil than he is on the show).

As for art… a picture is worth a thousand words, and a thousand words isn’t going to be able to address all intricacies, so you’re even more free to hc whatever backstory you want onto a piece.

TL;DR you can enjoy this pairing to whatever capacity you find enjoyable. I think you should also give yourself some slack and enjoy things that you’re naturally drawn to that may not be morally upright, but that’s just my opinion :)