#i don't want to bother anyone in the dr fandom

[frikatilhi]

About that new interview. I now feel conflicted about my bojere shipping. Like, I'd NEVER send Bojan fucking letters about it (WTF is wrong with people??? I'm actually shocked), but does even the concept of it bother him for real, or is he okay with it as long as it's just fun and games (and not shoved in his face)? The Cyprus vacation took place after the interview and he didn't post anything about it himself. But he let Jere post at least a little bit and it was all extremely bojere heavy (i'm assuming they talked about it and bojan agreed that jere could post the things he did). So am I "allowed" to enjoy my little fanarts and fanfics about them (emphasis on fan FICTION) or should i feel bad and fear that i'm ruining a really special friendship, because some people take it way too far? 😅 From everything we've seen so far, I'm assuming that Jere does not mind the shipping (at least as long as it stays somewhat playful and not too serious). I really hope that it won't get to the point where we get no bojere content at all (even in just a friendship sense) bc some people ruined it for all of us. 🙁

RPF is fine taking the F to the RP's is not

my tl;dr under here

It's okay to feel conflicted about this stuff; we don't want to cause any harm! It's not a nice feeling to think our silliness here might make some wacko think they're on to something and inspire them to spew hate at anyone. But Bojan gets all kinds of shit thrown at him a lot, so if it wasn't this it would probably be something else, and everyone really is only responsible for their own actions. Keep it in fandom spaces and don't start believing your delulus are real, that's rpf 101.

I feel like regarding shipping the crux of it is here. After mentioning Käärijä he sort of backtracks a little: ”I’m not even talking about this situation [bojere] at all but in general, about all the lies that are being spread.” 

I personally get the feeling that his beef is not about the Käärijä stuff as such, but with how lies and rumours take off online and how it results in harassment. Like how he gets letters from some wacko saying how he’s a horrible person for ignoring Jere, while in reality he’s on the phone with Jere at that same moment.

Is he against shipping in general, does it bother him? I don't think we can tell either way based on this interview. In the past both of them have seemed pretty chill about it, but who knows. If people harrass him about it, I can imagine it could get tiresome.

But he keeps speaking so fondly of his fans, and international fans, and Finland, and Jere, that I get a strong feeling that he doesn't lump us all together but is only speaking of those who "can't separate reality from entertainment". Also, based on how they talk of each other, their friendship is not affected by this but they're able to support each other when things get tough.

So I'd say, anon, that you're still "allowed" to enjoy your entertainment, as much as I'm allowed to grant you that permission 😆

[soratsuart]

Hey, you know something that really bothers me from the Fnaf fandom? The way the general fandom and theorizers ignore the daycare attendant.

Like, it could be just me, but I've never seen anyone outside of the DCA sub fandom talk about them and it's so??? Am I the only one who thinks they're being set up to be kind of important??? Take the ruin dlc trailer for example. They could have chosen anything to be the miniature for the video. Hell, the ruin logo itself would have worked. But no, they chose to spoil the trailer itself by putting Eclipse on it, one of the only two characters the fandom is theorising that might be friendly and the only one that actually does a friendly gesture towards Cassie (I'm sorry, but I really didn't interpret Roxy's head tilting as her being non-agressive until other people started saying it and I still have many doubts about her being friendly in contrast to Eclipse when Sun is there too).

Also, the Daycare has a big presence in the trailer too??? It's where we first see the Vanny mask being used and the virtual reality thingy. They could have chosen anywhere to show us that, but it's specifically the daycare.

And that's not even counting all the strange things surrounding them in the main game, like hello???? Sun is literally the only animatronic in the whole fucking Pizzaplex that doesn't try to kill you and that can't even jumpscare you even though Moon apparently is affected by the Glitchtrap virus. How come Sun isn't aggressive while Moon is even though they share a body??? Shouldn't the both of them be infected????

Also, Moon is weirdly more... Self aware than other enemies in the Pizzaplex??? The others act all deranged and like they're not fully conscious of what they're doing, while Moon always stroke me as being fully aware of his own actions?? That might just be my impression tho.

And what's up with the endo daycare??? Why is that whole area Moon themed???? Not even Daycare Attendant themed, Sun is not present there at all, it's all Moon. Why Moon? Why not Sun or both??? Especially when supposedly the company only wanted Sun for the daycare and they just couldn't get rid of the light trigger. I don't know about you, but if I made a room dedicated to teaching robots how to take care of children, I'd have the iconography of the place to be about the actual animatronic I want to take care of children. It's so interesting and yet I've seen almost no one talk about it. Fnaf fandom you're missing out on a lot.

TL;DR: The general Fnaf fandom isn't paying enough attention to the Daycare Attendant even though I believe they might be setting them to be more important than we realize

[tnbc-thoughtsandheadcanons]

Something that has always bothered me about The nightmare before Christmas sequels and the fandom is how Sallys abuse is never talked about or swept under the rug or down played as not that bad. The movie does a great way how showing how abusers can deceive peoplelike every thing is fine but nothing really is. The Dr only hurts Sally when no one is looking or when they are alone and unfortunately when Jack is around he puts on a act like he’s a good guy that would never hurt anyone so Jack is not suspicious Sally is in Danger. I understand this is a difficult subject but I believe one that should be talked about. Sallys story is one of hope that things can and will get better ❤️‍🩹 and that you are not tethered to your abuser. 

I believe I've talked about it before, how Sally's situation with the Doctor can be looked at through the lens of abuse, much like Lock, Shock, and Barrel with Oogie Boogie. Dr. Finkelstein is well-liked among his fans, who have arguments against the whole 'abuse' thing, but I think it's an interesting discussion worth having from its complexities. It doesn't get much focus in many Nightmare adaptations at all.

The Doctor is overprotective and overbearing - as his expectations for Sally are not to join in on the Halloween celebrations (which is Halloween Town's most beloved time + purpose), and from that we can surmise that he doesn't allow her much freedom outside of the tower. His punishment to her is locking her in her room with a gigantic piece of wood over the door, for how long is undetermined, but it leads to Sally's escape being something drastic like jumping out of a window.

He treats Sally's restless behavior as a "phase that will pass", with enough "patience". But, really, what is Sally's 'restless behavior' beyond just wanting to go outside and join in on the fun? To meet people, to make friends? Dr. Finkelstein, whether intentionally or not, is trying to cage Sally and enforce that her 'acceptable' behavior is to be content living and serving him, and not seeking a life outside of him and the tower.

There is some emotional manipulation you can see in the movie between the Doctor and Sally, and it comes across a little more clearly in Caroline Thompson's Draft:

And abusers can be good or even well-liked people. The Doctor and Jack clearly have a friendship, or they at least get along well, as Jack comes to him for some lab equipment and seeks his help with the skeletal reindeer, and the Doctor is kind and welcoming to him in return. It's not really clear whether or not Jack *knows* how Sally is being treated at home, in both recent Nightmare books it's addressed and received badly by Jack (who wants to fix the situation), but it could be very easily guessed he may not notice anything if Sally doesn't talk about it and the Doctor presents nothing as wrong. (The Doctor does pull Sally away during Halloween, trying to be quiet about taking her back, so he may not want to make a scene with her and have others know their situation.)

Sally taking the initiative to escape on her own, to use her wits and learn special concoctions to poison Dr. Finkelstein with (a little morally-gray though), and re-sewing her dismembered limbs on is empowering and teaches us that you can overcome your obstacles. What she and the Doctor have is definitely far from a healthy relationship, and something some abused people can relate to - Finkelstein's emotional manipulations and caging Sally inside as a servant, and her poisoning and escaping him in response to these things.

I am glad Sally ends up freeing herself in the end, and that she finds a life away from Finkelstein. I like seeing Nightmare fan-material addressing what Sally has gone through and how she learns to heal + grow from her time with the Doctor, and I also like seeing the same for him in return, to treat his newer creation better and learn from his mistakes and become a better person through it. I don't think he's necessarily a 'villain' in any sense, but a person whose intentions and actions are abusive, as they cause much more harm than good.

[burningcheese-merchant]

I have. A few things to say! First of all, thank you for writing for here (and there, but I do not have an AO3)! I’m very in much love with someone going crazy for another and *mwah* do you do it right and justice! That said, prioritize yourself! Drink water! Eat! Do not burn out, and do not feel pressured to do stuff! I hope that your spark burns for long after this fandom!

Thank you so, so much for your kind words! I know you sent multiple asks, so I'm going to try to respond to the first two in one post, if that's ok! (I'll answer the PitayaFire one separately)

Don't you know that the truest, most profound kind of love is born not beneath the soft, pale light of the full moon, not in the sound of a pair's steps as they dance the night away, not within the warmth and security of a tender embrace, but within the walls of the solitary confinement cell in the "dangerous and violent" housing section of a psych ward? LOL jk. It's really fun writing a lovesick/obsessed person for some reason. I don't have this dynamic for any of my other ships, this is the first time I've opted to explore a darker, more uncomfortable and unstable route/interpretation of a "relationship" and it's honestly been a blast lol. (I DO also ship mutual BurningCheese, but under specific conditions, AKA Burning Spice has a redemption arc and GC falls for him on her own. I just can't justify them being together if he's still evil. So long as he is, the love is one-sided)

I really am grateful for your compliments and encouragement. I've got a super big and important BurningCheese fic in the oven rn, but I do need to actually focus on real life for a bit, so it'll be some time. I'll be posting drabbles on here and a fic or two on AO3 where BS is NOT dangerously insane, just a regular asshole who's down bad lol

You can rest assured that my crazy diamond will continue shining on long after I get tired of these games about talking cookies. I always loved writing, it's my favorite hobby and it's my only way of expressing my creativity since I can't draw to save my life. I actually have a 100% original work I've been tinkering with for a loooong time, but I always wanted that story to be told in comic form, and to do that... I have to learn to draw lol. (And that's... a really big mountain to climb. I want to climb it more than anything, but I don't know if I can. Feels like I keep slipping and falling on my ass every time I try to take and retake the first step on the first rock, you know? Idk how anyone does it, honestly...) In any case, I'm truly grateful for you and everyone else who bothers to look at my work and actually thinks it's good for some reason

Did you see that gacha animation though 👀 The way BS is looking at her 👀 y'all can't tell me he ain't thirsty. Look at that twinkle in his eye. Look at that smile. He wants to tear up more than just those wings, I'm telling you 👀 Shadow Milk is a silly billy, he thinks puppet shows and gaslighting are how you flirt with people. Mystic Flour is probably just like "what. What is this. Who is this man. Why is he handsome. Why do I feel this way. Emotions are futile. Love is ephemeral. I will not stray from the path. I will trap him in my mind prison and torture him. That will fix it. He will surrender to apathy. He will return my soul jam. He will see how smart and correct I am. Cloud Haetae will sing my praises to him until he believes them. Yes. That is what will happen. Victory is mine. I am Very Normal about this." Burning Spice? Down horrendous. Down crazy. When GC is there, it's like no one else is in the room. Won't stop smiling. Only mentions the Soul Jam once, focuses on her specifically the whole rest of the time. First real thing he says to her is how much she impresses him. Throws a tantrum after their fight essentially because she didn't step on him hard enough. Down bad. Down bad. Down bad. Ain't no way he isn't. You can't change my mind

Sorry for rambling. TL;DR: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie (also thank you for your support)

[punkeropercyjackson]

All the 'We tried so hard for afro-dominican Percy and we got nothing!!' talk in the Pjo fandom feels like i'm in the Twilight Zone.What 'tried'??????I've been on and off in the fandom since i was 12,since i was 2013 and i've never even seen him drawn with the Dominican Republic flag.Or using dominican slang or eating blue flan or him with sea related dominican folklore or consuming dominican media or referencing DR irl shit or any jokes made by him based off his dominican heritage?And i don't mean this to downplay the 'afro' part cause i'm black dominican too but VERY RARELY did i find 'afrolatino Percy' art that looked like an actual black person and not just Percy with a topping of melanin and vague curls and lips slapped on and i believe i'm allowed to say that because i am half white but he dosen't look a thing like me or any other mix people i know,not even nonblack poc passing,just an instagram model,and i don't even want Percy to be biracial,i wanted a monoracial strongfeatured black protag for ONCE instead of a copout and that's what almost all of you did with afro-dominican Percy too,you saw him as an aesthetic for points and gags.I bet y'all don't even know who Juan Pablo Duarte,Ramón Matías Mella and Francisco Del Rosario Sánchez are or the name of our natives or(not aimed at mutuals ofc,los quiero tanto)that the 'Punkero' in my url is latino spanish for 'Punk' because that's what Percy is

'Afrolatino Percy Jackson' isn't a recognized tag on ao3.Limiting it to just LATINO Percy is not the fucking place of gringos to begin with and no,black gringos aren't an exception cause y'all could just make Percy your heritage instead of weirdass cultural appropriation and disrespect.You didn't 'tried so hard for afro-dominican Percy',you couldn't even be bothered to google and all you did was take away his autism and implied femininity/gendernonconformity and breaking of the cycle of abuse by being the dad Poseidon never was to him by pseudo-adopting Nico and Hazel and called it him being afrolatino while using him being dominican specifically as a meme and truly being anti the system by fighting the gods and fixing things instead of being a fascist like Luke

Calling a black man stupid and making Percy the spicy rebel bf to Jason while keeping him white af(and Jason's the actual lightskin but y'all not ready for that)and Percabeth snowbunny jokes that led up to Leah whitewashing by so called 'Leah is our Annabeth' bloggers and refusing to admit he's been better to Nico than anyone else and BEFORE anyone else post Bianca's death so you can reduce him being gay down to dating more than Rick ever has AND completely erasing Hazel as the closest thing he's ever had to a daughter when she solos every white boy(Nico's also black cause y'all boring)in angst and strength and caring more about Percy just being nonwhite than actually WRITING him as an afro-dominican is NOT representation

So anyway,if racist Pjo fandom grandparents are ready for it lest their imported pearls scatter,i got authentic and not just exotically ethnic afro-dominican Percy content in the notes.Try not to call her any slurs or microaggressions m'kay,galletitas?

[dimalry]

It's not about you being critical it's about misinformation:

{{ of his hands, stained blue from the places they touched on my waist, my arms, but somehow, never more than that. }}

{{ “Feyre, for Cauldron’s sake. I drug you, but you don’t wonder why I never touch you beyond your waist or arms?”

Until tonight—until that damned kiss. I gritted my teeth, but even as my anger rose, a picture cleared. }}

What you dr aw was very disturbing. And on top of that it was not canon while you tried to sell it as such. Rhys painted Feyre’s body to prove to her he's not touching her untoward. Yes he drugged but the alternative would've been her staying in her cell hearing the constant screaming. Her being in those parties while the next day she barely remembers anything was everything Rhysand could've done for her at that situation. And most importantly Feyre understood. And the reason her and Rhys work so well is she would go the same length if not more, to keep the people she loves safe and protected just like Rhys did.

I don't expect you to agree with me and I only bother because I really like your arts and it was huge shock seeing those arts. And even now your art is a headcanon not canon because Rhysand never touched her chest or any private parts of her. This fandom already suffers from misinformation and lies and people goes with it without their facts checked.

And most importantly Rhys apologised. He apologised through acomaf and he's still trying to make it up to her. He feels guilty for not being able to handle the situation better, not because he could do better. Saying the mmc raped fmc while that's the furthered from truth was what made me disheartened. No one's denying what happened UTM. But you showed a worse situation that it already is.

I'm not gonna make this ask any longer because I think me bringing facts wouldn't go anywhere since you have your own mind set and it will only adds to the toxicity.

But your post was anti and I think people who would rather not see these kinda post should have a safe tag. The "feysand critical" was fine but adding "feysand" tag wasn't.

I hope you have a good day

I understand and I‘m sorry about the misinformation. I never actually tagged the artwork as „Feysand“, only „critical Feysand“ and I‘ve removed the red handprints and kisses that suggest he had done more than canon states (when corrected)- I do not want my artwork about SA perceived as headcanon and my intention wasn’t to disturb anyone. I know I should’ve thought better.

It’s only tagged as acotar for now, but I‘ll probably take it down entirely. Or maybe just remove the drawings of Feysand and leave it only at Feyre hugging her knees- that should be accurate enough, since in canon she wasn‘t in good health like so many artists depict her as such. I think it would be fair to also correct artists who draw her like a super model utm.

I still think that SA had occurred and I blame it entirely on the author for handling it all so poorly. The apology in acomaf didn’t feel like an apology to me. I guess it’s different for everyone.

Thank you for your ask, have a lovely day as well 🫶🏽

[bambi-kinos]

loved ur recent post on paul whump !! besides the linked one(which I've never read so thanks!) do you have👀👀 any recommendations👀👀👀👀

tl;dr - it's slim pickins out there.

First let's bring back an old differentiation: there's physical whump and then emotional whump, and that was an important distinction back in the day. I have looked for both and while there are some good emotional whump pieces, there is no readable physical whump besides the su!c!d3 fic. Physical whump is more of an action movie thing and in general Beatles fandom is not terribly interested in action and adventure so they don't write it. And the thing is, that's fine, that's a valid choice that anyone can make and we should write about the things we enjoy and not what we think others expect. But it also means that Paul whump fics basically don't exist in modern fandom as we know it. There are probably some on LJ or in the Google Docs McLennon archive since Stargate and Smallville were so big on LJ at the time and there was more x-fandom pollination but I don't want to Snipe hunt right now.

(For the record, I do have something in the works to fix this hole but it won't come out until next year if we're lucky.)

Emotional whump is more plentiful and there's well written stuff out there for sure. Most of the emotional whump I've enjoyed is centered around John's suffering and while Paul's misery is apparent it's not the focus of those pieces. So this took some digging into my bookmarks and memory. What I like in a good Paul whump fic is how his own arrogance and narcissist tendencies come back to bite him OR he's having to put up with John's shit when John is being horrible.

In that spirit, here are my recommendations for decent emotional whump focused on Paul:

Barcelona - Selena. I enjoy this one because Selena let's Paul be a whole person here. It's not just John and Brian bothering him, it's the fact that he's trapped with someone who reminds him of what he's lacking and how this hurts him, both now and in the past. Parallels to the Barcelona situation are subtle and well drawn so you get all of the agony without being hit over the head with it. John is opaque to Paul who doesn't understand why he's acting like this which is a nice change from what we often see in fanfic where John just blurts out what he's feeling. Here we see how much Paul suffers when John is trying too hard to be clever.

A Hole in the World - RosalindBeatrice. Linda bears witness to the aftermath of John's murder in Paul. Easily the absolute best fanfiction on this list.

Birthday - Selene. Love this one because Selene writes Paul as an actual character instead of the heteronormative girly thing he often gets slapped with. Paul is once again bitter, angry and unhappy because the boy he fell in love with has already disappeared. He is forced to be the adult in a room full of manchildren and he hates it...but he also sucks it up and does it anyway. Because he is Paul McCartney and being the foundation of The Beatles and cleaning up John's messes is exactly what he signed up for and he will do it because no one else can. I think of this one all the time. It lives rent free in my head.

Red Sky - thinkpink20. What I appreciate about thinkpink20 is that she is brave enough to let John be absolutely awful but she also humanizes him so you can see his inner pain and confusion driving that horribleness. This is a nice one where John is no where near to figuring himself out but Paul is, and then when Stuart's living shadow gets into the mix, no one is happy.

From Barcelona To Santa Cruz - thinkpink20. Another post-Spain fic but this time John articulates his defense well which of course humiliates and angers Paul even further because John proves he is human and capable of empathy, which Paul didn't want to write into the equation.

the crane wife - mynamesbetty. Betty was showing me the first drafts of this one and all I could say was: "Paul is a horrible person. He's a fucking homewrecker. He deserves this." That's what I like best about this story. Paul is a selfish asshole and he hurts everyone and himself by being self centered, petulant, and cowardly. Every single awful thing that happens to him is strictly the result of his own actions. He manages to make himself the Coyote in a Looney Tunes cartoon including the bit where he runs straight off the cliff, doesn't realize it, and then looks down just as he starts falling before he shoots the viewer a look asking for help. And then the ACME anvil falls on him.

So those are my recommendations on Paul whump. It ended up being a longer list than I expected so that's something. Hope you enjoy the recommendations and please check out the other fanfics by these authors, they're all great.

[filthyfluffyfantasies]

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . DL;DR - this fic is not meant for anyone under the age of 18 as it contains the following: thigh riding, use of petnames ( e.g, good girl, sugar, etc ) swearing. writer does not give permission for her works to be reposted, with or without permission. ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

prompt one - thigh riding

character | fandom - gareth emerson | stranger things

reader | original character - female reader, cheerleader & non -or vague, description.

words - roughly 2.7k

tagging - taglist here

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . you stop by gareth's house to pick up a text book and your sweater to find him playing drums in his garage. a drumming lesson -and thigh riding, ensue. ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆. ───

❝ I don't get it. You could have any of the boys in the senior class and he's the one that gets you all hot and bothered? Gareth Emerson? I don't see the attraction, girl. Sorry..❞ - your best friend Angela's question pulls you out of your thoughts. You stick your tongue out at Angela and shrug. ❝ I've just always really liked him. He's a sweet guy, alright?❞

Angela shakes her head at your obvious distraction as the stop sign on the corner of the street Gareth lives on comes into sight. You've been dancing around your crush on the older boy for years now, damned if she has the first clue why. She wishes you'd just make a move, you're popular and it isn't like you can't have any boy you want.

❝ Its whatever, just do something already, damn it! Don't forget your sweater again, bitch! Tomorrow is the pep rally and Chrissy wanted everyone to match.❞ she calls out to you as she hurries away, leaving you alone at the stop sign.

From your spot, you can just barely hear Van Halen and drums. The door to the Emerson garage is open for once, a lone figure - Gareth -you recognize the red flannel instantly. It feels as if you're frozen, watching him bang away at the red drum kit from your spot.

He's just a boy. Get a grip. - the thought gets you moving in the direction of his house. And you intended to get what you came for and leave but you find yourself drawn to the garage instead.

Eyes glued to him as he twirls a drumstick between his fingers, cheeks red, his thick curls bounce with each move he makes. He's so focused on the song and keeping time with it that he doesn't see you as you linger, leaned against the door frame, twisting the end of your ponytail around the tip of your finger as you pop a quiet bubble with your chewing gum.

He's so pretty, you think, biting your bottom lip as he gets really into the drum solo. The faster he moves, the more his curls bounce.

It's truly a sight to behold and you’re mesmerized. Daydreaming.

You get so caught up in it that you don't realize he's not playing anymore and you're staring like an idiot until he's standing in front of you, close enough that you can smell cigarettes and the crisp clean scent of the body soap he uses. He clears his throat, snapping his fingers in front of your face to get your attention.

❝ Something you want?❞ - the question asked quietly, an edgy tone as he gives you a wary once-over. 

You open your mouth to answer but just like every single other time he's spoken or you're just near the guy, it's as if you're tongue is glued to the roof of your mouth and the words won't come because your brain refuses to work. You manage a shrug.

Gareth grumbles to himself and mumbles something under his breath. 

And boy when your brain and mouth decide they'll finally work, they immediately begin working way too well because the first thing that comes when you finally open your mouth is ❝ You have really pretty hands. I uhm..I noticed when you were playing the drum solo for Hot for Teacher.❞ 

Gareth raises a brow. Then he snickers quietly. It has to be a joke or an insult disguised as something nice. It has to be, he thinks, there's no way Munson is right. Not about her having a thing for me, that's like.. impossible.

❝ Shit.❞ you laugh softly and shake your head, frustrated with yourself for being so awkward. ❝ I uh..I meant to think that..to myself..I'm gonna uh..❞ you stare at the door behind his back helplessly, ❝ I just came by to get my Algebra book and my sweater. ❞ 

Okay he thinks just as soon as he's clocked the way heat creeps into your cheeks and the way you can't be still and you keep stepping just a little closer maybe Munson is onto something. She's always so quiet or jumpy around me. 

As you step past him to go into the house and grab your sweater and the damned Algebra book you loathe with every fiber of your being, he steps into your way and you swallow hard, your head tilted as you stare up at him, twisting hair around your finger. ❝ Is something wrong?❞ you finally manage to speak. He chuckles quietly. ❝ I could show you, y'know.❞ 

You bite your bottom lip, eyes flitting to the drum kit nearby. It's something he enjoys, therefore, you're interested in it too. But learning to play seems a bit..daunting. Like you might be a bother.

But you think it's a way to be close to him. Take him up on it.

❝ Y-yeah❞ you smile as you stammer out the word, ❝ I'd like..totally love that, Gareth.❞ and as soon as you realize exactly how flirtatious you sound, a slow heat rises to your cheeks. ❝ Does now work?❞ you've stepped closer, vanilla and strawberry fills his nose as your soft little body rubs against his softly. You’re staring up at him with that cute little shy grin and twirling your hair and his train of thought jumps all the tracks, he's zoned out for a few seconds, unfocused. A hand grazes your hip before he can stop himself. 

❝ Yeah. Now is perfect, actually.❞ - and he's silent. He has not one clue what to do, he never thought he'd make it as far as he did. He assumed that you'd laugh at his offer, he never once stopped to consider at all the possibility that you'd say yes, let alone want to do it immediately.

You're doing it again, you have this cute little nervous habit where you bite your lip a lot when you're nervous. She does it nonstop around me, he thinks, stepping even closer as he clears his throat and nods to his drum kit, giving you a little smirk. 

You wander over behind him, pouting the whole way because he stepped away from you and you missed the body to body contact you had.

He sits down on the stool and pats his thigh. You gaze at his lap, swallowing hard, your heart about to beat right out of your chest. He chuckles quietly and reaches out, pulling you down into his lap. You wind up settled on one of his thighs and biting back a whimper as you feel your body get fire-hot all over in a split second, you manage to pull together enough to glance over your shoulder at him as he slips his arms around you to grab his drumsticks.

❝ Hey.❞ you ask, ❝ do you know any Metallica? Or Def Leppard?❞

He chuckles, a little stunned that you can even name any musicians beyond Madonna because he's only ever heard you listening to her when you're over babysitting. 

❝ You..you listen to those bands?❞ he asks, shock and awe making his eyes widen almost comically and you laugh softly, grinning as you nod. ❝ And Poison, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne.. What? Music is music, Gare.❞

❝ Yeah, well..❞ he trails off. He almost points out that people think it's weird but he keeps the thought to himself instead.

He doesn't want to be like the people who judge and bully him.

❝ How about this one?❞ he starts to play the drum solo for Foolin. ❝ Do you know that song?❞ he asks, rough lips just barely graze your ear when he asks, chuckling quietly.

You bite back a whine, his breath is warm, his voice is silk and gravel all at once, everything combines to be a distraction to you, so much that you barely manage to keep your cool enough to answer, a breathy ❝ Yeah. Foolin..right? Is it Foolin by Def Leppard?❞

He chuckles quietly. Manages a nod as he leans against your back and mutters a husky and quiet ❝ It is. Good girl, sugar.❞

Forgetting where you happen to be sitting, you do a little happy dance when he confirms that you've gotten it right. When he calls you a good girl, you can feel yourself melting. All your weight settles solidly on his thigh, which you're straddling.

You wind up rocking yourself right over his thigh and Gareth bites back a growl, his drumstick falling from his fingertips as he feels himself starting to get hard, the way you've rocked yourself against his thigh going straight to his cock. 

That felt so good, you think, if I were braver… - the thought goes unfinished because Gareth clears his throat and after he picks up the drumstick he's dropped, he places both sticks into your hand, his hands engulfing yours as he chuckles quietly. ❝ You wanna hold 'em like this, ❞ he takes the drumsticks back, demonstrating the proper way but you're too distracted by his hands to retain what he's shown you so when he wraps his hands around yours, you squeak quietly. 

Gareth snickers to himself, thinking, Okay, maybe Munson is onto something here. Wait, - that thought is quickly replaced by a heaping dose of skepticism in the form of, There's no way. Maybe she's just shy. Or maybe I'm too close and it's making her uncomfortable. That has to be it..Unless…

But when he lets go of your hands and they just happen to fall to your sides, caging you in place on his lap and you whine a little, squirming in his lap until your back is pressed totally against his chest and you manage to rock yourself over his thigh at least two times in the process, he finds himself wondering.

If you weren’t comfortable, you wouldn't keep trying to get even closer to him.

❝ I..uh..This is okay, right?❞ you ask quietly and you don't dare turn around and look at him because you can feel your body burning hot and you know if you were to, the desire you have to make a move might just trump any self preservation you still have and then you might really make things awkward. 

❝ It’s fine. Are you okay?❞ he asks, curious because you're breathless and you keep moving around. He's in the midst of kicking himself for not just letting you have the stool to yourself while he stood behind you and the entire time, you're trying to press yourself down against his thigh just a little more because the way it feels when you do it is so good that you can't resist trying. 

You’re aching, the accidental brushes up and down the length of his thigh have you throbbing with need and soaking through thin lace beneath your cheer skirt. You finally manage to mumble ❝ Y-yeah. I'm fine.❞ but you're dazed.

Gareth bites back a groan and he tries to focus on the music, on the way he's helping you hold the drumsticks in your hand, on anything but the warmth between your thighs or the way it feels when you move around, pressing yourself down into his thigh just a little harder each time you do it.

 ❝ Like this.❞ he takes the sticks and demonstrates again, patiently. He nearly drops the sticks a third -fourth, time as you squirm just a little, all over again. 

You giggle softly, cheeks on fire. ❝ Sorry! I'm so bad at this.❞ you mutter. He laughs quietly, the warmth of his breath tickles your ear. ❝ No you're not. Nobody can play when they're just starting out, sugar.❞ he mutters, pressing his chest against your back even more as his hands cover your own again. ❝ Good girl.❞ he chuckles quietly against your ear, ❝ See? You're already getting the hang of it.❞

Just make a move already. The thought comes, Gareth coughs quietly as it does. The worst that will happen is she laughs. You’re kind of used to that reaction. - but for all the sense it makes, there's a huge reason he just can't bring himself to do it.

He actually likes you. A lot. Enough that the two or three times he's called you sugar or good girl has him worried that he's going overboard, dangerously close to blowing any chance in his wildest dreams that he might’ve had with you.

Just do something. He doesn't have to be the one to take the lead, y'know. - the thought is nagging at you. ❝ I've got an amazing teacher...❞ you take a deep breath and prepare yourself. You try to reign yourself in, even if it's only a little. It's probably way too late for that now, you think, might as well just go for it.

One of you needs to do something. He's both totally oblivious and entirely too nice to make a move.

And you want him bad enough that you're sick of fighting it. You're done chickening out.

As you turn to face him, his drumstick crashes to the concrete, the sound is jarring. You press yourself down against his thigh and his breath hangs, he just barely manages to stop another growl as his fingers dig into your lower back and your hip. ❝ __?❞ he questions, caught off guard. 

You swallow hard and your eyes settle on the way pearly teeth graze against the rough skin of his bottom lip. He goes to speak again, his words cut off by your finger pressing into his mouth.

❝ You’re kinda beautiful.❞ you mutter in awe. He can't stop the low growl that rises up from deep in his chest this time. Blue eyes fix on the way you've raised one of your hands, caught his signature red flannel vest in your grip as you rock yourself over his thigh all over again. ❝I've always thought so..❞ you add as an afterthought.

You look him in the eyes as you say it, a little hiss slips out as your eyes flutter open and closed and your head falls back a little. You’re rocking yourself against his thigh just a little faster now. He can feel how hot you're getting. He's hard enough to break and half afraid that any second, he's going to wake up and realize this was just another wet dream.

❝ You are, sugar.❞ he mumbles, half expecting to wake up because what's happening, it has to be a dream.

You lock eyes with him and move closer. Slipping your arms around his neck. ❝ Can I..❞ you stop talking, you need a minute or two to pull yourself together, ❝ Can I kiss you, pretty boy?❞ 

Gareth Emerson is floored. He's never had anyone want to kiss him, let alone ask him like you just have. ❝ Do you wanna kiss me, sweetheart?❞ he asks, gazing up at you. 

❝ Mhm.❞ you're practically purring, melting into him even more. It takes a few seconds but he finally catches on, realizes it's not a dream and you're leaning in real close. His heart is pounding like a drum. When you rock yourself over his thigh yet again, he groans and catches hold of your hips, warns you ❝ If you keep it up, sugar...❞ as his lips just barely graze your own. 

The whine that escapes your mouth is needy and it's not quiet at all. You drag your fingers through thick curls and tug as your mouth bumps against his softly. Clumsy. ❝ I can't stop.❞ you mumble as your tongue parts his lips, dragging along his tongue, ❝ I..I don’t wanna. Feels so good.❞ the kiss deepens, his hand raises, slipping up your shirt and underneath your bra as you moan out his name and he squeezes your hip, guiding you back and forth over his thigh, ❝ Good girl. Let me help, yeah?❞

❝ P-please?❞ you beg, gasping softly when he moves you from his thigh to his lap and you can feel his clothed bulge as it presses up into you. He nips at your bottom lip hungrily, a hand raised to tug your hair free so that it tumbles down from the two crooked ponytails you pulled it up into for cheer practice this afternoon. The two of you are breathless, every single time he bucks himself up into you, he's bigger. Harder.

❝ Tell me how that feels, sugar. I..I wanna make you feel good.❞

❝ Feels so good. So good.❞ you nip at his lip and he parts your lips with his tongue all over again, ❝ I can feel how wet you are, sweetheart.❞ he mutters, ❝ –ah fuck. such a good little girl for me, aren't y'?❞

You melt into him all over again, throbbing, needy and begging him to take you right then and there…

[inkblackorchid]

What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)

*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.

After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?

Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.

No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.

I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.

Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.

Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...

We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.

(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)

There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?

The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.

(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)

As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)

(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)

The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.

(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)

After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.

However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.

We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.

(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)

Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.

(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)

And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.

However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.

(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)

Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.

(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)

This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)

And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.

Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.

(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)

So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.

I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).

(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)

Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.

And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.

(Bird boy is angry, watch out)

This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.

At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.

(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)

Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...

And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.

But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)

To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.

Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.

Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.

For now, see you in part two.

[cios-correct-opinions]

@starrynightarchive

big ol tl;dr for anyone looking:

if ppl "not appreciating" female characters by creating content for them bc they don't want to bothers you that much? there's only one thing you can and should do:

MAKE YOUR OWN CONTENT OR APPRECIATION POSTS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK PEOPLE SHOULD DO INSTEAD AND STOP DEMANDING PEOPLE CHANGE THEIRS. IF YOUR FANDOM SPACE IS LACKING IN CONTENT YOU WANNA SEE? MAKE IT. DO IT. NOTHING'S STOPPING YOU EXCEPT YOURSELF.

but if you don't wanna do that and you don't wanna pay someone to, then stop complaining.

(note re: the discourse thing/me wanting to "start discourse": i only reblogged onto my "discourse" sideblog bc i didn't want this on my main blog. not bc i think it's automatically discourse. political stuff just goes over here now so i can keep the things more separated for my own sake)

op of the post blocked me but im genuinely baffled at this response

because how in the fuck did you gather ANY of that from me saying this

brother all i did was define what the word means. like i am so baffled as to how you decided that i was implying op was transphobic or some shit bc i absolutely was not!

nor was i trying to start discourse. i was literally just saying that, in my experience in the circles i'm in and the people i've seen, doing both is possible and they often do both. i'm not a huge fan of cis genderbends myself in any direction because if i'm gonna genderbend they're gonna be trans given that i am also trans

and then theres this that i said

which everyone seems to have completely ignored. bc that's the crux of this. it's not that they dislike the canon women it's that they want to take their blorbos they love the most and girl them because that's how fandom works. it's about self indulgence. fandom is supposed to be you doing what you love the most, and engaging with the characters you love the most, bc it's about fun

why are yall trying to force people to post abt characters they may not care for for a number of reasons? bc thats what this feels like. it feels like you want ppl to talk abt, post abt, write abt, draw abt, etc, characters they are not super passionate for, simply bc you believe they should, bc you think what they do in fandom is some kind of formula for their like, actual real world beliefs

i genuinely cannot stress enough to you guys that most peoples actions in fandom are almost entirely divorced from any political meaning. or at least, they were, until people started acting like that was a sin actually and that if you liked this character or if you liked too many male characters and not enough female ones that means youre secretly a misogynist who just hates women so much because you don't post about them all the time

most of my fandom blorboposting ends up being about a handful of any random assortment of characters because that's who my brain latches on to, but that doesn't say shit about my feelings about any other character. specifically in bsd, i mostly post and talk about literally two of the characters WAY more than the others bc they are my favorites. this includes ALL the other characters, just about. most of my fanworks are for them and will continue to be for them because they are my OTP and my top two in this series.

why is this important?

because someone genderbending a male character or multiple of them in order to see a CHARACTER THEY ALREADY THINK ABOUT 24/7 AND LIKE A LOT AND HAVE A DEEP ATTACHMENT TO, as a woman, does not mean they don't love and appreciate the canon women. holy shit. that's what i was criticizing in the original post.

also like. most of the ppl doing the genderbending i see are either women or like, somehow woman-aligned, or wlw/attracted to women in some way, etc. and most of them are making these genderbends bc theyre attracted to the canon character. it's self-indulgence it's ALMOST ALWAYS self-indulgence guys it's FANDOM that's what it's FOR you CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT A CHARACTER FOR ANY REASON AND STILL MAKE AN ETHICAL ARGUMENT OUT OF IT JFC

it wasn't meant to be discourse on my end either. i was trying to offer an alternate reason or perspective of approaching what op seemed to think was an issue given the wording of the post, by offering my personal experience. i also never said op was wrong, by the way, my expression of disbelief was also put alongside me going "maybe it's just the people i follow" because i tend to follow people who, when they do genderbends, are also avid fans of the canon women too, they just like the men they're genderbending more. hence why they're doing that.

this expectation within fandom that people must create content of female characters - or ANY characters - lest they be accused of despising them or not appreciating them is going to be the death of fandom and i'm so fucking serious. you CANNOT insist people spend their time making shit for FREE that they aren't 100% jazzed and excited about in FANDOM SPACES and then get mad when they don't do that and expect fandom to be something that continues for generations as it has in the past

and for the record seeing as how op reblogged with this which. where do i even start lmao. ik they've written me off as a woman-hating misogynist so i'm not expecting good faith arguments in response from them but, c'est la vie

[not-poignant]

You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

[hopeymchope]

Do you think you can help me out? I don't understand why everyone loves Ibuki so much. I mean, I don't want to hate her, but the one thing I don't like is her music. It's been bothering me ever since I learned that she's a fan favorite, I want to know if anyone doesn't like Ibuki because of her music. I get that her popularity has to do with her jokes and fashion, but some of it feels like dark humor to me. You can read my blog for more info if you want (some of it doesn't make sense though).

I don't think anyone likes Ibuki's music aside from Hiyoko, lol. (Unless, of course, you're talking about that amazing fan recording of what "I Squeezed Out the Baby But I Have No Idea Who the Father Is" could sound like, which I would say is an absolute jam.) Just look at everyone else's reaction to it in-game! So you're definitely not alone in such an opinion; I'd be stunned to learn if ANY fans legitimately liked her in-game/in-anime music, actually. I always thought the whole POINT was that it's supposed to sound like a cacophony of garbage. But having some crap musical preferences isn't usually enough to hate OR love somebody, y'know? Whether they're real OR fictional.

(But please, y'all: If any of you legitimately love — or, like @dangan-kagura, totally hate — Ibuki for her.... eccentric musical style, I'd love to hear about that. I want to know you exist!)

But ultimately, I think Ibuki is beloved by the DR fanbase because of three main reasons:

A) Yes, she's funny and cartoonishly positive and speaks in the third person, but she also runs deeper/smarter than she usually acts. We do tend to really dig characters with layers to them that run deeper than our first superficial impression.

B) We also love someone who is relentlessly individualistic and shows no signs of caring what other people think of her. There's an admirable quality to her, particularly in how she's pursuing her music when we meet her.

C) A character with queer undertones (overtones?) is always a character that fandoms will gravitate towards.

Let me go a little more in-depth on those points.

Regarding point A: Obviously, Ibuki acts like a goofball a lot of the time, which can be endearing. But she also surprisingly pulls her weight in the class trials by catching others in lies, pressing people for answers, reporting on exactly what sounds/voices came from where at what points during Chapter 1's murder, and so on. She can be quite insightful — remember that in DR3's Despair Arc, she's the only person in Class 77-B who points out that there's something between Fuyuhiko and Peko — that they're clearly closer than they pretend to be. All of the above speaks to how lowkey observant she is, which supports how she can drop some legit wisdom, such as her mini-speech about "finding oneself" during her final FTE in Island Mode.

Regarding point B: As we gradually learn her background in-game from various conversations and FTEs, we find that she once wrote and co-performed a song with her Light Music Club that became a top-charting single. That fact combined with her incredible guitar skills helped her get scouted by Hope's Peak as the "Ultimate Musician." Even so, she ditched her club and quit pop music so she could make the heavier, harder music SHE wanted to make. And... it's not exactly being well-received, but she doesn't seem to give a damn. She left behind the easy route to praise and loads of cash so she could maintain her artistic integrity and do what she's passionate about and loves doing. That's easy to admire.

Regarding point C: At the end of Island Mode, if the player/Hajime suggests they could now be "lovers," she rejects that notion with a strong "DENIED!" Plus she talks about her heart pounding hard when she sees the other girls in their swimsuits. And there's her request for Mahiru to take picutres of Mikan in compromising positions when poor Tsumiki falls in Chapter 1. And, y'know... the infamous "Welcome to the world of girl love!" quote. All this together has made her be popularly believed to be gay or at least bi/pansexual, and characters with those kinds of hints just always get a lot of love from fans. Geeks do love their slash.

I hope this helped you understand why people are fond of her — including myself. I'd probably put her anywhere from tier 1 to tier 3 of my favorite characters, depending on the day. She's not a lock for the top level by any means, but I'm still a fan and enjoy her presence.

[deliciouskeys]

okay like being entirely honest i absolutely adore homelander i think he's stunning and i love the content people make for him but like... something that kinda bothers me and stops me from being able to fully enjoy homelander smut especially is the fact that he's literally a r*pist? and the way he treats women in the show is appalling i don't even care if it's the influence of trauma in his life it still makes me feel really uncomfortable..... idk it's just been on my mind recently since i've only recently been actively engaged with the fandom.

and like the whole butcher x homelander thing is really cute and the art for it is great and the memes are funny and whatever, but at the same time...... HL literally sa'd the love of butcher's life and constantly endangers the life of her son, and butcher has committed his life to destroying him....idk i just think about it whenever i see any homelander content. it's sad though. i have to catch myself whenever i find myself liking him too much because i have to remind myself how awful he is.

of course this isn't meant to hurt anyone who makes/enjoys the content!! but.... hmph. idk. does any of that make sense lmao?

Well, Anon, I’m not sure what you mean by “fully enjoy”. Everyone’s mileage may vary and you’re not obligated to like all content for a character or pairing.

“The whole butcher x homelander thing is really cute”

Ha! Well it can be, but I think there’s always an undercurrent of LOL DARK in this pairing. Most people in Butchlander fandom seem to have a morbid streak of humor and most are pretty sober about the fact that this is enemy slash with a good reason to be enemies (at least for one side). It helps that Billy Butcher is no saint, it helps that HL has an unusual backstory, but if you don’t like reading about bad people getting it on, you probably won’t like it.

There are a few writers that I know who just outright reject the r*pe part of show canon (not my preference, but you can indulgently hc whatever you want, anon, no one is stopping you).

Personally: Homelander is not only a rapist, but does a lot of other bad shit too. The fics I enjoy the most are probably ones where his warped logic and skewed values are depicted explicitly, actually, and where he’s put into bad enough straits to re-examine some of that. My indulgent saccharine hc is that the effects of being raised in a lab as a weapon can be at least partially undone by tough but genuine love— yes, precisely from a person HL has hurt, where the love is definitely not transactional, rather than from Vought personnel to whom he’s bringing benefit and profits. … And that Billy would ever provide that, given particular sets of circumstances 😅

Fics that that have made me uncomfortable (and I still read them lol): ones where HL brutally r*pes Billy (basically Billy Butcher whump for having the hubris to think he could defeat a supe), and ones where HL enters a relationship with Billy having r*ped and/or outright murdered Becca and Billy doesn’t know about it (to me this is the most disturbing, heh, makes HL more evil than he is on the show).

As for art… a picture is worth a thousand words, and a thousand words isn’t going to be able to address all intricacies, so you’re even more free to hc whatever backstory you want onto a piece.

TL;DR you can enjoy this pairing to whatever capacity you find enjoyable. I think you should also give yourself some slack and enjoy things that you’re naturally drawn to that may not be morally upright, but that’s just my opinion :)

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Don't Tell Anyone

One thing that has always gotten me about Downton Fandom is that very, very many people insist that if something happens, the entire household - both upstairs and down - automatically knows about it. It's not just that secrets don't stay between one or two people, it's that they straight up don't exist. I generally see it as an intro to post-suicide attempt fic where of course the entire downstairs learns about it, no one would buy that 'flu' excuse, and they all realize how wonderful Thomas is and cluster around him and all become absolute besties (except Carson because he's awful)...which is, of course, the most realistic response to a suicide attempt ever. Especially in that time period. But I see it other places too and I just kinda sit there and go "Have you actually thought about that statement, or have you just embraced fanon so much you've forgot the program?"

Downton has secrets. Downton keeps secrets. There are things that happened downstairs that no one upstairs knows about. There are things that happened upstairs that no one downstairs know about. There are things that have never gone past three or four people knowing them.

And here's where a lot of people go "Oh yeah, like what?"

Well, we can start with the suicide attempt. Alright, that was a larger pool, but we have no evidence that it moved past - Thomas, Miss Baxter, Andy, Mrs. Hughes, Anna, and Mr. Carson downstairs and the family who were there and present with Carson came in upstairs. It's possible that Anna told Mr. Bates, but it's not a given. Tom and Violet likely found out, especially if they noticed his absence at dinner and bothered to ask (which seems likely with Violet). There's no reason for Edith to know, since Thomas was back on his feet by the time she came back from London, and there is no indication that Daisy or Mrs. Patmore have any clue.

For smaller pools, we have the rapes. Yes, plural. No, I'm not counting Pamuk because while that was highly dubious consent, she did consent. She even said so when her mother asked. The reason the rapes are plural is because you not only have Anna and Alex Green - kept firmly between Anna, Mrs. Hughes, and Mr. Bates...maybe Lady Mary, I can't quite remember - but where I come from drugging a man to have sex with him is rape as well, so you can toss Braithwaite and Branson in there - again, kept between the two of them, Mrs. Hughes, and Thomas which, hey! Look at Thomas keep that secret!

The best kept secret with the smallest pool is a pool of two. Thomas's conversion therapy is kept firmly between him and Miss Baxter. Dr. Clarkson learns at the end, but he's not part of the household and is good about patient confidentiality. Everyone else knew he was ill - even Mrs. Patmore could tell that without her reading specs - but only those two ever knew exactly what was going on.

The list continues. There is, infamously, the Pamuk thing. A lot of people have guessed about Marigold, but not everyone knows. Mrs. Hughes's cancer scare never went beyond her, Mrs. Patmore, Mr. Carson, and Cora. I seriously can not even remember all of them!

So yeah. Write your "the entire house knows about X" fanfic all you want, but please stop acting like everyone just...agrees with you on that point. As an author it makes me very edgy, because while yes, I love my readers and their comments and all of that and I never, ever want them to go away or stop saying what's on their minds, there is occasionally the feeling that I am inevitably going to be called on the carpet because the characters manage to keep a big secret and omg that would never happen at Downton!

And I hate disappointing people.

[editmesilver]

So, this is awkward- My main blog @gunsli-01 has been shadow banned. Speaking up on this blog may very well cause the same thing to occur. However, if it does that's confirmation enough for me that this fandom has become an incredibly toxic place. Plus, I've kind of got to say it here so the people whom it concerns can see it. If you're here for Pandora Hearts stuff feel free to ignore.

TL;DR: Since this happened, I will not be continuing to make Milgram content on my side blog. So, anyone following me for Milgram edits may just want to leave.

Now, a lot happened yesterday evening. I recognized that my ability to message people on my main blog had vanished at around seven while looking over an ask I received. Before saying anything, I decided to try to investigate the reasons this might be. Even bringing up the issue within a discord server I've been a part of for years now.

I couldn't find anything. In a state of upset I posted about the situation in the ask sent to me regarding the fandom in question. At first, I believed this was happening because a person in said fandom reported my main blog as a silencing tactic. Then I was informed by my fiancée that it was a glitch which had been affecting people all over the website.

However, through further investigation it seems more likely that this is not a glitch but an abuse of the reporting feature. From what I've gathered through Tumblr many people have had this happen to them some multiple times.

I've been on Tumblr since 2013 through my main blog. I've made friends and flitted in and out fandoms without ever encountering this issue. This is something that seems to have only occurred because of my more active and vocal role within that fandom. Something that if I try hard enough, I can understand. It is not lost on me how what I say on my main blog can come off to others.

I was messaging someone within the fandom about this before I lost the ability to message or even look back on my messages. I can see how my opinion and feelings regarding Milgram could make me dislikeable. Since a lot of what I say is stuff that certain people might not want to hear.

However, falsely reporting someone's blog as spam is not okay.

Since my blog has been shadow banned, I can't reply to comments on my own post, tag people in posts, message, even if I answer asks sent to me there's no guarantee the person who sent it will be notified. It will look like people can message me, but I will receive nothing. Star can't even look up my tags on my blog anymore. On my end it will look like I liked a post and I can still reblog things but my interaction won't appear in the notes of the post itself. I've even had past comments of mine on my own posts vanish.

I can at least still see my activity but for all intents and purposes interacting with anyone on Tumblr is now impossible for me. I'm not gonna say this isn't meant to call out this fandom because it legitimately is. Like if someone actively and maliciously did this to me fuck that person. Also, since this happened, I will not be continuing to make Milgram content on my side blog.

So, anyone following me for Milgram edits may just want to leave.

Because this happened and none of my posts from my main blog will be in tags for the unforeseeable future- The Mikoto essay has been delayed as well. So, if anyone was looking forward to that well sorry that's tough but I was looking forward to being able to message my fiancée posts and having all my Tumblr functions. A lot of times in life we don't get what we want, we get what we get.

Secondarily given the content I was posting concerning Milgram before this occurred, I believe if my blog was reported for spam that it was more than likely a Mu supporter who did it and they know who they are if they did. Now if I were a pettier person, I'd go report someone else's blog as spam right now to check if I'm right.

However, no one deserves to have this happen to them. Plus, I genuinely can't be bothered over something so actively petty and sad. Oh, Futa is bad; well at that point what does that make the person who did this?

Overall, I don't know what will happen with either of my blogs from this point forward. I just know that if this is the reason behind my current circumstances the Milgram fandom should be ashamed and start reflecting on the conduct it's willing to allow.

If this is how it treats people writing theories it dislikes, then maybe not saying anything is what's best for everyone.

This is probably the last time I will be speaking on this topic, and I apologize for any discomfort my volatile or crass response may cause to the fandom.

I truly believe this is what happened, but it is still my speculation, and it is considered a glitch. However, the fact that there are people who have experienced this glitch before and gotten it resolved just for it to occur again. Tumblr's vague statements regarding the matter; them only referring to the issue as a glitch and fixing it without elaborating further on what caused it to happen or what staff is doing to make sure it doesn't happen again.

One of the only concrete reasons I found for this occurrence offered by the user base was people stating that before it happened to them, they updated their app. Yet, in my case this is impossible. Because it not only occurred when I was on desktop but the app on my phone did not update that day. All this has led me to believe that the most logical conclusion at this time is that this glitch is a result of a malicious misuse of the report feature and the only tag I've been consistently active in has been the Milgram one.

Feel free to draw your own conclusions but if this is the case it sets a dangerous precedent for the future of this fandom space and many others. If this is the treatment I am receiving on my main blog, then I do not wish to and will not be creating more easily consumable fan content like edits for this fandom anymore.

[gunsli-01]

Why I'm not worried about a Mu Innocent verdict and other people shouldn't worry either-

Lol, if she's voted Innocent her chances of living to see trial three drastically decrease. So, like with a bomb I'm either right or it's suddenly not my problem anymore-

TL;DR- Yuno's probably gonna kill Mu if she's voted innocent again anyway. Because she's made it clear that the one thing she hates is being bothered and lectured to. Two things Mu keeps doing to her specifically. Validating Mu again will only exacerbate that issue. Personally, I think the worst thing anyone in Milgram can do is get on Yuno's bad side. Something Haruka and Mu have already done.

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Yuno: I wonder... The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

At this point I find the prospect of people working towards getting Mu an innocent verdict just for her to get worse and be killed by another innocent prisoner funny as hell. Like in a what goes around comes around sort of way.

Yuno has all the tools at her disposal to do whatever she wants and no qualms with killing if she feels it was necessary. An Innocent/Guilty verdict does not and has never been alluded to securing anyone's personal safety. Hell, even voting Kotoko guilty this trial doesn't guarantee her attacks will stop just that it will be known we don't agree with her actions.

Our votes are only meant to reflect if we agree with the prisoner's actions or not. Affirming or denying their view; what they do with that information after the fact is totally up to the character. So, no one is voting Mu Innocent to keep her or Haruka safe and if they are well pfft. I mean cute you believe that's how this works but um it's probably not.

So, at the end of the day they're just supporting what she's done. That's all the verdict has ever reflected the collective fandom and its beliefs. What it is willing to let slide or finds irredeemable. People understood this when they were politicizing Yuno's second trial and framed voting her innocent or guilty as either being pro or anti-abortion.

It's not like this is some new revelations it was pretty much confirmed through the outcome of the first trial. Which had the opposite effect of everything the fan base wanted to happen. Kotoko instead of making a deal with Es and working under them began to act on her own. Using Es' or our name to justify and claim the right to a position of authority within Milgram and attacked three people. This caused a lot of relationships in Milgram to deteriorate.

Amane firmly stood by the fact that she did nothing wrong and no one could tell her she did.

Since she and Futa were voted Guilty together she expressed this belief to him.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)x

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor……It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. But well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san?

Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either. Today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

Causing him to hold his own opinion in higher regard.

The other Mikoto took over because of the amount of mental stress being put on Mikoto and the fact that he is actively a defense mechanism. So, our judgement is solely responsible for his continued presence. Acting like it isn't at this point is just delusional because the guy even warned us about it.

The fact that some people still assume they have power here is fucking amazing like learn to read a room~ We just work here.

Then with Mu there's the whole matter of her deteriorating relationship with Yuno

20/06/04

Yuno: Huh, so you go to that high school. So, you are from a rich family then~! I mean, you already gave off that vibe though. What year are you in?

Mu: First year…… Kashiki… san…… you’re older than me, right?

Yuno: Yeah, I’m in third year but you can just call me Yuno. I don’t really like the stuffy formalities. It doesn’t really matter who’s older and who’s younger. If you squint, we’re basically the same age anyway.

Mu: ……fufu, what’s with that? But ok…… I’ll call you Yuno from now on.

She even calls her Mu-chan when she speaks about her in her second Interrogation despite saying here she doesn't care for such stuffy formalities and to my knowledge not using kun to refer to Haruka. She begins to start referring to her as chan directly after she was voted Innocent in the first trial and her true personality began to reemerge.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother. So, was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

21/09/02  (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san.Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere. So, you’re out of everyone’s way.

In Trial one and Two Yuno answered some questions that should be alarming and telling for Mu's chances of survival when it comes to dealing with her.

Q.11 Do you think things exist that can’t be bought with money?

Yuno: There’s loads, right? Stuff like a person’s character.

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you. ("How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself." "Right, right.") (Really not helped by the fact that Mu's entire trial two song is a lecture on what will happen to a person if they don't listen to her.)

Q.21  Do you have someone you like?

Yuno: Other than the people I specifically dislike, I like everyone.

Trial 2 Interrogation

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

The fact that her issue isn't the violence but doing it somewhere everyone can see to me implies if Mu suddenly mysteriously dies it was probably Yuno. it wouldn't be difficult to get Mu alone either since she keeps approaching Yuno by herself anyway. So, Haruka wouldn't be able to protect her and no one outside of Haruka would want to.

Yuno basically said if you wanted them dead you shouldn't have done it in a place where anyone could intervene. All that leads me to believe the chances of Yuno ending Mu's life during the next intermission if she's voted Innocent is super high. Which makes either outcome super enticing...So, as always vote however you want. How it turns out is far out of our control anyhow.