#i don't want to be woken up by a tornado warning

[s0fars0perfect]

i'm so sleepy but there's bad weather. fuck.

[youremyonlyhope]

There is a nonzero chance that I have COVID.

Yayyyyyyyy.

Let's hope it's just a cold...

[mickandmusings]

hell or high water

pairing: tyler owens x f!reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: lazy saturday nights with tyler were few and far between, especially during the spring months, when he and the wranglers found themselves hopping from one midwest city to the next. today the skies were uncharacteristically clear, and tyler wanted nothing more than to spend his night curled up next to his girl.

for the always lovely @fraaaaankiiiiieee , who always supports my delusional ideas <3

warnings: just fluff really, domestic life w/ tyler; situational angst, but no broken hearts in this one <3; some suggestively smutty moments but nothing explicit; inaccurate descriptions of tornadoes (i'm a mississippi girly, we don't even take shelter, we stand on our porches during tornadoes don't blame me); I wrote this at 2am, so forgive any weird inconsistencies or mistakes, thanks

-

The morning had been uncharacteristically quiet, almost eerily calm. Tyler had woken early, per usual, and rose to his feet, earning him a grumble from the girl who slept curled into his chest for warmth. He'd apologize with a cup of coffee later, knowing she wouldn't rise from her death-like sleep for a few more hours at the least.

He'd stumbled down the creaky stairs in only his boxers, starting the coffee machine immediately, and, as it dripped slowly, he used the downtime to stare out the window above his kitchen sink. The weather was perfect-the rising sun shining over the horizon made his view picturesque-almost like a painting in a frame. He enjoyed the view, but he knew the girl upstairs sleeping in his bed would enjoy it more: clear sky days like today meant she had him all to herself. He shook his head to a wasted day, but smiled despite himself. Tyler grabs his phone from where he'd tossed it on the kitchen counter, texting out a quick message to the Wranglers group chat:

'Nothing but clear skies on the radar, so enjoy your day off. Maybe use it to take a decent shower? Maybe wash some clothes? I'm talking to you Boone, you stink.'

The message stirred a frenzy of comments and replies from each of the members of his eclectic group, and he read through them as he sipped his coffee, leaning against the counter. He'd just sent a reaction to a particularly witty remark from Lilly when he felt something grab him from around his waist. He'd been so entranced with his stream of messages that he hadn't heard the pitter-patter of his girlfriend's footsteps down the hardwood stairs, or the yawn that had announced her presence.

"Mornin', beautiful."

Y/N simply gives him an unimpressed, tired grumble in response. She'd clad in one of his old sweatshirts, so well-worn that the neck of it is fraying. Her hair is knotted and messy from her sleep, and her eyes are barely opened. She finds Tyler's greeting ridiculous, but even in her half-dazed state, he finds the sight of her infinitely more breathtaking than the stunning vision mother nature had given him this morning.

Y/N shuffles in closer to him, burying her ice-cold nose into the crook of his neck, and he lets out a sound of discomfort when it hits his bare skin.

"Damn, you're freezin'!"

"Yeah, well, my personal heater likes to get up at the asscrack of dawn, and it's the only time I get to see him these days, so deal with it."

Tyler laughs, bringing his arms around her waist to keep her close.

"Lucky for you, sleeping beauty, the skies are clear for the foreseeable future, so today I'm all yours."

He feels her grin against his skin, and she nuzzles in a little closer. Her groggy morning voice speaks, muffled by her face being pressed against him:

"Then, Ty, my lovely, handsome, smart, sweet man-of-my-dreams...why the hell are we up at six in the goddamn morning?"

Her faux flattery oozes with sarcasm. He shakes his head silently, running a hand through her hair.

"I'll have you know I'm wide awake."

"Well, I'm not, and I never get to sleep in with you anymore. I want to go back to bed, and I want you there to keep me warm, please?"

She'd lifted her face to rest her chin on his chest, her big puppy-like eyes pleading up at him.

"Plus," she starts, bringing her gaze back down to his chest and placing a chaste kiss just below his collarbone. "We haven't had morning sex in like...weeks. Who knows what kind of mood I'll wake up in?"

She gives him a sly smile, and he cuts a knowing eyebrow lift her way. He knows all of her tactics, not that she needs them anyway, he'd never deny her.

"Fine, I'm sold." He lifts her into his arms, her legs around his torso as he carries her up the stairs. She gives him a sweet chuckle, hiding her red-flushed face into the side of his neck, his hands resting across her ass, unabashedly inappropriate.

He tosses himself onto the bed, her frame atop his.

"Promise to wake me up around, 9 or so? I don't want to sleep too much, or else I'll miss out on my whole day with you."

His chest warms as his hand runs through her hair, the other placed precariously on her opposite hip, tracing circles with his thumb.

"I will, cross my heart. Now, sleep, you're gonna need it," his voice deepens almost on command. "Once you're awake, you're all mine, darlin'."

His words drip with sensual flirtation as he places a kiss on the crown of her head. Y/N gives him a grin, her eyes drooping closed.

-

Hours later, after much needed sleep and a rather intense bout of love making, the couple stood exactly where they had just hours before. Tyler stood against the counter, watching as the new pot of coffee brewed. Y/N stood between his arms, her still slighty-sleepy eyes peering out at the sunny day from the kitchen window. Tyler's hand runs through her hair, his other perched on the small of her back, almost dangerously low, but she pays it no mind, too consumed at the pure joy of having him all to herself for the entirety of the day. It seemed silly, but she was rarely afforded this luxury during the spring and summer months.

He pulls away to pour coffee into two mugs on the counter, dousing one in sugar and creamer, the other plain black, the way he liked his. Y/N pays little attention when she reaches for a mug, and he goes to stop her, but the liquid reaches her taste buds before he can reach out for the cup in her hands. Her face wrinkles in disgust as she reaches for the other mug and swallows a sip.

"Jesus, that's vile, Ty. You're drinking straight lighter fluid."

"At least I'm drinkin' coffee, sweetheart. Yours is ten percent coffee, ninety percent other sugary shit."

She rolls her eyes and downs another sip, exhaling at the caffeine now starting to course through her system. She leans her head on his bicep, not wanting to be far from his touch. The pair relishes in the quiet morning, only the sounds of the morning birds and the occasional passerby car filling the air. The moment is so delicately peaceful that Y/N feels her eyes drift back into a hazy state, only awoken by Tyler's voice cutting off her brush with relaxation.

"There's no food in his house, wanted to make eggs this mornin', there isn't any. We don't have any bread, milk's gone bad. Think we finished off the last of the coffee, and you're almost out of that fancy creamer you like."

Y/N's mind instantly thinks of the nearly empty toothpaste tube she'd squeezed out the night before, and the lack of her favorite snacks in his cabinet.

"You up for a grocery run this early?"

He shrugs, giving an unbothered look.

"Get it over with early, don't have to worry about it for the rest of the day."

She nods, leaning back against him.

"Smart," she pauses, letting out a sigh. "Guess I should probably get dressed if that's the case."

Tyler looks down at the girl in his arms, clad in one of his shirts and nothing else. Desire swarms in his gut, and he found the desperate words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Or we could just order them online, pick them up later? We could order dinner from that place on the boulevard you love, get it all done in one trip? I'll go in, you stay in the truck, no getting dressed necessary."

She drops her now empty mug into the sink, wrapping her arms around his neck, brushing her hand across the hair on the nape of his neck. She leans in, pulling him into a rather heated kiss, one that leaves them both panting. She can taste the traces of his own black coffee, and she smiled against his lips before pulling away.

"You get hotter and hotter every time you open your mouth this morning. You've almost got me convinced just to go back to bed with you and ignore all of my other responsibilities..."

He gives her a smirk, shrugging and lifting a brow as his calloused hand sneaks under her his shirt, caressing the bare skin dangerously close to her chest.

"What'll it take to convince you completely?"

She cocks her head to the side, as if she was thinking.

"Hm, remember that thing you did on our third date?"

She doesn't even get a response before his lips are back on hers, his hand tapping her thigh, silently signaling her to wrap her legs around his waist. His half-finished coffee was forgotten, only the sounds of their shared pleasure and Y/N's occasional giggle bouncing off the walls.

-

As night falls, that same relative silence falls over the house. The lights are all out, save for the lamp in the corner of the living room and one of Y/N's scented candles lit on top of the fireplace. A commercial for an insurance company runs quietly in the background, an ad break from the rerun of 'The Notebook' he'd put on for Y/N just an hour ago. Takeout boxes and two empty beer bottles litter the coffee table in front of them, and the sound of light rain falling fills the unclaimed space in the room.

They're both still fresh from the shower they'd shared. His hair is still damp, smelling of Y/N's shampoo, and her skin smelling of his cypress and cedarwood scented body wash. Y/N had stilled within a half hour of placing her head in his lap, his comforting touch in her hair making it physically impossible for her to fight sleep. His hands tugged lightly at her half-dry hair, but his eyes are focused on the window facing his back yard.

Tyler can't help it, he's naturally drawn to the changes in wind speed and precipitation. He notes nothing serious-average wind speeds, steady, even-falling rain, and no hail. He relaxes a bit, watching as Noah and Allie argue on screen. Soon, his own jade eyes felt heavy. He blinks them back open, trying to savor every moment he has with the girl who's managed to make him fall more and more in love with her, even when she does nothing at all.

He manages to stay awake for the rest of the movie, but as the credits roll across the screen, he finds sleep starting to win against him. Just as his hands stop the movement in her hair, a loud blare comes from the once quiet television, startling him awake, his leg jerking in reaction. In turn, it startles the sleeping girl in his lap, her head shifting as she rubs at her bleary eyes.

The three short tones followed by one long tone has him all but springing into action, sitting up straight on the couch, holding the shoulders of the girl still not nearly awake to understand what was happening.

"The National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for the following counties..."

Tyler had tuned it out, he knew the rest. His eyes darted to the window again, and now, through the rain he could see exactly what he'd feared-a strike of lightning before a rumbling roar of thunder. He watches as the wind blows the flag in his yard, trees blowing furiously in the wind. It was mild now, but Tyler had seen the calm before the storm too many times to take chances. He quickly grabs both of their phones from the table and shoves them into his pockets. Y/N had already plopped back down onto the couch pillow, her eyes closed. He sighs and contemplates waking her up, but as the roaring of wind like a freight train fills his ears, he realizes he doesn't have the time. Instead, he scoops her into his arms-blanket and all-and simply bolts them out the door.

The second he hits the steps of the porch, he's never been more glad he'd moved so quickly. The wind is whipping around him fiercely, and the sound of hail knocking shingles off his roof sends his feet moving faster. The entrance to his storm shelter is in clear view, and he speaks down to the girl in his arms, speaking loudly over the noise of the inclement weather.

"I'm gonna take us to the storm shelter, okay? You're gonna get in first and I'm gonna be right behind you, baby, gotta make sure that door shuts, alright?"

Y/N nods in understanding, despite how her eyes are still laced with sleep. He stands her in front of him on solid ground, slinging open the heavy door with a grunt. He lightly shovels her down the steps, seeing that she's completely in before stepping in himself. It takes his full body force to get it shut, slamming the latch down tightly. He takes a moment to sit on the steps, hearing the pelting of hail and the loud winds before he springs into action again. He moves to switch on the small lights in the tiny room, now getting a good look at the girl sitting just across from him.

She looks incredibly small, curled into her favorite blanket from their couch, his own hoodie she'd claimed as her own peeking through. He worries that she's scared, and his heart pangs as he crosses over to her. Wordlessly, he pulls her into his lap, fishing his own phone out in hopes of firstly, pulling up live updates on the storm, and secondly, contacting the rest of the Wranglers, making sure his chosen family was safe. He gets the broadcast up first, a slew of messages from his friends ensuring him of their safety. He sends them back one confirming both his and Y/N's safety before setting it back down against the wall and the floor.

"Hey, you're okay, I promise," he reassured her, his arm slung around her and resting on her waist. She gives him a small smile, brushing a tuft of hair behind his ear. Chasing had been busy lately, and he hadn't stopped for a trim lately. She wasn't complaining, she liked running her hands through the longer locks.

"I know. I'm not scared, Ty," she gives a small laugh, the look behind her eyes reassuring him she was fine. He pulls her closer to him, placing a kiss against the crown of her head.

"Brave girl."

She shakes her head in disagreement.

"I'm not brave, I'd be scared shitless if you weren't here. But you are, so I know I'm safe. You'd never let anything happen to me, mother nature be damned."

He gives a loud laugh that bounces off the walls of their shelter, making Y/N break out into her own smile. She turns her attention to the map on Tyler's phone.

"So what're they saying?"

He pulls his phone closer, a map of colors and city names she recognizes in front of her. His finger points to their town name.

"There's us," He pauses, moving his finger to a patch of dark pink. Y/N looks at the key on the side, noting that the color indicated an 'extreme' threat. "And that's the path of the tornado happenin' above us right now, most likely."

"So," she pauses, looking up at him. "In your professional Tornado Wrangler opinion, how fucked are we?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Survival wise? I know we'll be fine, we're perfectly safe. Damage wise? Well, my roof needed replacin' anyways."

"What about the others? Have you heard from them? I imagine Boone is losing it."

Tyler brushes hair out of her face and behind her ear.

"They're all in a safe spot, just heard from them all. Don't worry that pretty head of yours about a thing, let me take care of it."

Another roll of loud winds roar overhead, and both Y/N and Tyler dart their eyes to the ceiling. She tucks her head into Tyler's neck, and his arms pull her tighter into his embrace.

"Okay," she starts, her voice small. "So maybe I'm a little scared...I don't see how you're always out there in all this, it's terrifying, Ty."

He wants to reply back, tell her about the rush of a storm, or the feeling of being right there next to it in the moment, but the storms he chased weren’t like the one happening literal feet above their heads. He remains quiet, his hand moving back to her hair, stroking the strands in a gentle motion, providing comfort for her. She’s quiet for a moment, listening to the howling winds and the shaking of the thunderous movements.

“T-Tyler?” There’s a tremble in her voice, and he notes how she’s starting to shake in his hold. “Can you tell me a story? Talk, just keep me distracted, please. Having a full blown panic attack in this box doesn’t sound fun.”

He continues the comforting touch to her head, pulling her in closer to the side of his neck, his opposite arm around her waist.

“Hey, no, no, none of that, you’re gonna be fine. We’re okay, I got you. A story? Um…”

He thinks for a second, until the perfect idea comes to his mind.

“Alright, got one, gonna tell you your favorite story. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

His voice takes on a humorous tone, recounting the plot of ‘A New Hope’ from memory. The rumble of his timbre in her ear-paired with him intentionally making up his own scenarios when he forgot plot points-worked effectively in blocking out the deafening noises above. After a handful of minutes, the noise stilled, and Y/N sat with shaking hands as Tyler popped back open the door. He looked around for a moment, making sure the sky was clear before helping her back on solid ground.

Shingles had fallen from his roof, and branches from trees had been strewn across his yard. Just across the clearing, in an empty field, a massive tree had fallen. Tyler grasped her hand tightly as they walked back inside, their power out, but the home unharmed. Once he determined they were completely safe, he wordlessly led them back to his bedroom, tucking Y/N safely under his chin, close to his heart. He didn’t sleep, his brain wide awake in fear that another storm would come and he’d be unprepared. Instead he watched her sleep, watching as her breaths moved in and out, content in knowing she felt safe in his arms.

Tomorrow, they’d venture into town with Boone and Lilly in the back of his truck, Dexter and Dani behind them, all looking out at the disaster that riddled their small community. They’d spend their day passing out food and water, looking for missing pets in rubble, and helping scour collapsed houses for salvageable items for families to hold onto. He’d look on as Y/N helped comfort elderly citizens of their community and laughed with children who had lost their everything, including their innocence. She’d be silent on the way home, and collapse into his arms once they made it through the front door. Her eyes would fill with tears of guilt that she couldn’t do more for every person she'd seen and talked to. He’d hold her just like he was now, hands in her hair and sweet nothings in her ears.

But tonight, he holds her in his arms tightly, thanking mother nature for sparing not only them, but his home too. After his thanks, he issues her a warning: come hell or high water, he’d stop at nothing to protect the girl in his arms-mother nature be damned.

-

taglist:

@fraaaaankiiiiieee

@fanboysfangirl

[fiber-optic-alligator]

Hello! I’ve always been curious about the “human in a space shuttle somehow ends up on a cybertronian ship and all the bots are trying to figure out what this random metal this is while the human is terrified” plot.

It would be interesting to see it played out with any character, but for the sake of direction, I’d like to request this with the Lost Light Crew?

It could be vore if that’s what you feel like wrong at the time, but I’d also go for some good ‘ol fearplay.

I apologize if this is too vague, have a good day/night and I love your writing!

Thank you for the request Glitch! I hope this is up to your expectations! I hope you don't mind that I picked specific members of the Lost Light crew to include in this story. Feedback is always appreciated! Have a great day/night as well! :D

Doctor’s (And Scientist’s) Orders

Pairing: IDW Ratchet, IDW Perceptor, and IDW First Aid x Human Reader

Word Count: 3115

Summary: You are a teacher who is being sent from Earth to a colony on Mars. A new life as an educator for the red planet’s children is on your horizon…until you are thrown terribly off course and end up in the bowels of the Lost Light. All seems lost for you when you find yourself injured and cut off from human society, at the mercy of the three Cybertronians who end up finding you and taking you in, whether you want them to or not.

The first thing you hear when you come to is the horrid screeching of your ship's alarms.

  You groan and sit up. Smoke and flickering emergency lights greet you when you open your eyes. Electricity sparks from the stasis tank you were asleep in. Gas spurts from the ceiling, and everything is strewn about with the chaotic air of a tornado that just tore through an entire town.

“Warning,” your ship’s AI urgently alerts. “Breach detected. Damage is collateral. Warning-warning-” It sputters and fizzles out.

  You rub the back of your head and feel something warm and sticky coat your palm. When you pull your hand back to take a closer look, you see blood.

  Shit. That’s not good.

  Standing up makes you feel like you are going to puke. Your head throbs and every breath you take sends piercing pain through your chest. Dragging yourself out of the stasis pod takes longer than it should while black spots dot your vision as you stumble to the dashboard and press your hands against it. “Run ship diagnostics,” you manage to rasp. The voice that struggles to exit your mouth is one you hardly recognize. It is thin and strewn with violent coughs. A metallic taste coats your tongue. More blood.

  The AI glitches as it attempts to answer you. “Severe damage to hull. Severe damage to engines. Severe damage to thrusters. Life support online, but rapidly depleting. Escape pod offline.”

  “Shit,” you breathe. “Try contacting Earth control.”

  “Communications systems offline. Attempting self-repairs. Current status…5%.”

  “How long until repairs are complete?”

  “Estimations indicate repairs will be completed in…5 days.”

  Not good. Not good at all. You push yourself away from the dashboard and take in all that has happened. This was not how the mission was supposed to go. When you were chosen to be sent to Earth’s Mars colony as a teacher for the young children growing up on the red planet, you thought it would be a smooth seven month trip with you peacefully slumbering away in stasis. You were supposed to be woken up by fellow human beings, not a devastating crash resulting in your ship being decimated. Something must have thrown you off course. A freak asteroid strike probably. Which begs the question…where exactly are you?

  Ignoring how much pain you are in, you hobble through the remains of the vessel and head for the airlock doors. They remain tightly shut when you make it to them, hiding the knowledge of where you are from view. “Open the doors,” you call out to the ship.

  “Warning. Remaining onboard is strongly recommended. Current exterior environment is unknown.”

  “Override. Open the doors.”

  The doors whoosh apart. You know there’s oxygen outside. If there hadn’t been, the ship would have prevented you from even entering the airlock chamber in the first place. Stepping off, you expect to see the barren landscape of Mars, or the alien environment of some other planet you might have ended up on. Part of you thinks you might still be on Earth; perhaps something went wrong with the ship before you could even break the Troposphere.

  What you see surprises you. You are in some sort of…massive cargo hold.

  Gigantic metal crates surround you, most of them exuding a pinkish glow. There are lights on the ceiling far above you, but they are dim, and serve little aid in giving you an estimate of just how large this place is. Turning in a circle, you feel awe fill you. “Yeah,” you murmur to yourself. “The ship definitely didn’t crash on Mars.”

  Speaking of your ship…you take in the damage. It's an absolute mess of warped, crippled metal doomed to remain collapsed on its side until self-repairs are complete. It would take days, maybe even weeks, for damage of this caliber to be fixed beyond the communications systems. With no way to contact Earth or Mars, you truly are stuck.

  You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose. Calm. You are calm. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Yes, your ship is destroyed. Yes, you are suffering from critical wounds. Yes, you are in an unknown place with seemingly no way out. But you're alive. That’s what matters. And now you just have to survive for five more days.

  You hear thumping in the distance.

  It takes you a moment to register the pattern of heavy steps that are coming towards you. It’s something alive, you realize with dawning horror. Wherever you are, you have obviously made quite a racket, and now this planet’s local faunal residents are going to seek you out. There’s no way for you to know exactly what sorts of animals live here; any technology you might have used to your advantage is directly connected to the ship. With the ship offline, thus go the tools as well. You are completely in the dark, relying only on the little information about alien lifeforms you have to keep you safe.

  You don’t need that information to know you have to hide right now.

  You scurry back into the ship, biting back a shout of pain. God, there’s pain everywhere. How have you not passed out yet? Adrenaline does wonders for the human body, you sourly think to yourself when you have to lean against the wall to catch your breath. A hacking cough swells within your chest. When you cover your mouth with your elbow and release it, blood is splattered over your suit sleeve.

  That’s when you hear the growling.

  It’s unlike anything you have ever heard before. You’ve studied a multitude of animals. You’ve heard big cats roar, wolves howl, hyenas cackle, and birds screech. This is not a growl you can associate with any of those. It…holds similar qualities. But there’s something about it that remains blatantly off.

  It sounds strangely like the growl of a machine.

  You look outside of the airlock doors, and something huge lumbers out from behind a stack of crates. The first things your brain registers are its red and white armor platings, its bright blue eyes, and the horn-like finials extending from its forehead. It’s humanoid, yet possesses qualities that remove it from any such grouping. This thing is definitely not like you in any sort of way beyond having a face and walking on two legs.

  “It’s…a robot,” you whisper. It’s a giant fucking robot moving all on its own, and looking none too happy to be here.

  The mechanical creature snarls, lips upturning to reveal sharp canines that are probably longer than your arms. It hasn’t noticed you yet. Its focus is trained on the datapad it holds in its hands. Your mind is blown. This is obviously a member of a clearly intelligent race. Have you just discovered a new extraterrestrial species?

  The robot looks up. At first, its eyes scan the crates around you, and it doesn't seem to notice the little ship nestled between them. You remain still, prey instinct taking its course and demanding you freeze where you are. Hopefully it will just move on…

  It backtracks, and to your utter horror, it makes direct eye contact with you.

  Fucking shit, you think.

  The robot stares at you with an expression of pure shock. You stare right back with an equal amount of terror.

  It steps towards you. That’s all it takes for you to scream at the ship. “Close the airlock doors! Close them now!”

  The doors slam shut. You hear a shout from the robot, and everything shakes as it thunders forward. You stumble and fall with agony ripping through your poor body when you make contact with the floor. The cry that leaves you is riddled with pain.

  “A-Activate self-defense protocol!” you order the ship.

  “Self-defense protocols offline,” it says back.

  “Well, how long until they are online?!”

  “Estimated time equals…ten hours.”

  “That’s not enough!” you scream rawly.

  A gentle tapping echos from the other side of the doors.

  You push yourself back, heart pounding as you listen to the robot move all around you. It’s growling softly to itself, and you can hear it touching the ship, running massive mechanical fingers across the walls that act as the only barrier between you and potential doom.

  You don’t know what to do. Panic makes you frantic and you desperately try to think of how you can get yourself away from the monster outside. You have no way to defend yourself. You can’t even run. This thing wants you out, and you know it has the power to rip your ship apart in order to get to you if it wishes for it.

  Suddenly, everything rocks. Your stomach drops when the entire ship shakes and you feel it being lifted into the air. Realization of what is happening hits you: it’s picking it up. If it can’t get you, it’ll just have to take everything.

  “Nononono!” you cry out. The ship tips a little, and you slam into a wall with a grunt. “Stop!” You bang your fists against the metal. “Put it down! Put it down now!”

  The robot simply growls in reply. You don’t even know if it hears you. There’s nothing you can do to stop this. You slump back and cover your face as hot, helpless tears finally begin running down your cheeks.

  “What exactly is it?” First Aid asks as he peers down at the mangled hunk of metal sitting before them on the medibay berth.

  “It’s a ship,” Perceptor flatly replies with a silent “What else would it be?” evident in his tone.

  “This is a ship?” First Aid looks horrified. “But it's completely destroyed! How could it have gotten here?”

  “It must have crashed during our last refueling.” Perceptor lays his servos over the top of the ship, examining it closely. He huffs and straightens, looking at Ratchet. “Where did you find it?”

  “The cargo hold,” the medic replies. “I was down there searching for some extra medical supplies I know we have stored. I wouldn’t have seen it if it hadn’t been for what’s inside.”

  “There’s something alive in there?” First Aid gasps.

  “A human,” Ratchet replies. “It locked itself inside when it saw me.”

  “Impossible.” Perceptor shakes his helm. “Humans are an endangered species that only occupy a small sector of a primitive solar system. They don’t have the technology to make it this far out in space.”

  “Well, clearly they do. I know what I saw. These old optics aren’t that far gone.” Ratchet raps his knuckles gently against the ship. All three mechs have to lean in close so they can hear the soft squeak from inside.

  “How do we get it out?” First Aid asks. “It could be hurt!”

  “It is hurt,” Ratchet answers. “I saw it before it hid itself away. I don’t know how severe the injuries are, but I know it's in pain.”

  “Then what are we waiting for? We need to help it!” First Aid presses his forehelm against the ship and whispers softly. “Hello, little human? Please don’t be afraid! We aren’t going to hurt you!”

  A whimper is all he gains in reply.

  Perceptor crosses his arms. “I can force it out, but you won’t like how I do it.”

  “You can’t hurt it,” Ratchet sharply snaps. “That would be cruel.”

  “I’m not going to hurt it,” the scientist bites back. “I’m simply going to pump a nontoxic gas into the ship that will cause it to eventually lose consciousness. It will have no choice but to come out, and then we can go on from there.”

  “Are…are you sure?” First Aid wrings his servos nervously. “I don’t want it to be scared of us.”

  “Whether it’s scared of us or not doesn’t matter,” Ratchet says. “It’s injured, and if we don’t do something, it’ll succumb to those injuries. It’ll understand we don’t want to hurt it after we patch it up.” He nods to Perceptor. “Go ahead, smoke it out.”

  The scientist’s right servo transforms into a syringe. Ratchet watches with anxiousness churning in his tank as Perceptor presses his left index digit against the side of the ship and presses a small hole straight through with little resistance to stop him. A terrified shout from the human within causes First Aid to whimper.

  Perceptor sticks the upper part of the syringe into the hole, pumping gas into the ship and pulling it back out after a moment, wisps of vapor trailing from the tip. A few seconds later Ratchet hears a string of weak coughs from inside. There is a tense moment where all three of them stand there, and then the doors open and you stumble out with a cloud of gas nearly enveloping your tiny form. You wheeze into your servos, then notice the mechs staring at you and try sprinting right back into the ship. Perceptor cuts you off, slamming his servo down and pinning you under his digits before dragging you back even though you yelp and thrash. You squirm one last time in his grip before suddenly going limp.

  Perceptor gently shifts you to lie in the center of his palm. For a terrifying moment, Ratchet thinks you are offline when he sees how still you are with your optics closed. But then his sensors pick up on the rapid beating of your organic spark, and he relaxes. Not dead. Just simply unconscious.

  “Give it here.” He holds out a waiting servo. Perceptor hands you over; you are given a quick look-over as Ratchet scans your body. There is a nasty cut on the back of your helm, and your vents are gravely bruised with terrible red marks. “Internal bleeding,” he mutters. “As well as external wounds. The crash really messed it up.” He curls his digits lightly over you and brushes his thumb over your forehead. “Doesn’t have a fever though, which is good. Damage is minimal, nothing life threatening. I can have it fixed in a few hours.”

  “You know how to heal organics?” First Aid questions.

  “I’ve been around for a long time. War changes you. I’ve had my equal share of saving Decepticon-ravaged planets inhabited by organics as well as machines.” Ratchet walks over to another berth, being careful not to jostle you too much. “First Aid, go grab the restrainers. We’ll have to keep it still so it doesn’t accidentally hurt itself when it wakes up.”

  “You’ll have to keep it sedated too,” Perceptor says. “I can help with that. Just a little puff of the gas will keep it asleep.”

  “Thank you,” Ratchet says, then pauses. “Listen. Don’t tell anyone about this yet. I don’t want everyone flocking into the medibay and stressing it out. We could accidentally scare this thing to death if we aren’t careful.”

  “I won’t.” Perceptor nods. “Just…make sure it heals properly. I don’t doubt your expertise, but…” He looks down at you, and his optics soften. “It hurts my spark to see something so small in so much pain.”

  First Aid returns with the restrainer. It’s a small mechanism that runs on magnetic power, created by the Lost Light’s resident mad scientist, Brainstorm himself. Ratchet places it directly over your lax form. With a quiet beep, it presses lightly over your midsection, and magnetic bindings weigh down your ankles and wrists. Seeing you trapped like this makes him feel guilty. This obviously isn’t going to be something you will like when you wake up. But there’s no other way for this to go. You won’t understand his good intentions until he heals you. Until then, he has to keep you still.

  He grabs a small serum of glowing blue liquid and bends over you, gently pinching your little fleshy cheeks and working your intake open. “C’mon little one, drink up,” he whispers when he carefully forces the liquid down your throat. He sees your faceplate tighten with discomfort, but your throat pulses as you subconsciously swallow. “There you go. Good human, good human.”

  “What are you giving it?” First Aid asks.

  “Something I learned to make back in my early days,” he replies. “It heals from the inside. Works on both organics and machines.” He pats your cheeks praisingly and draws away. “There. That should help with the bleeding. It’ll be fine now. I’ll continue to monitor it over the next few days.”

  First Aid exhales a relieved sigh. Perceptor reaches out a tentative hand and brushes your hair away from your closed optics. “It’s so small…so soft…”

  “We have to be careful with it,” First Aid frets. “We don’t want it to break.”

  “Listen.” Ratchet’s tone hardens authoritatively. “I said this before, but I’ll say it again. We have to keep this between the three of us. Don’t tell anyone about a human being in here.”

  “But what about the captain?” First Aid asks. “Shouldn’t he know?”

  “The captain can’t know. If he finds out there's a human on the ship, he’ll go nuts with excitement and probably end up accidentally crushing the poor thing. Until I confirm it’s not going to drop dead at any moment, we keep it a secret. Got it?”

  Both bots nod. Ratchet nods with them. “Alright. I’m going to stay here and make sure it’s condition remains stable. You can come back tomorrow to check in on it and see how it’s doing.”

  Perceptor dips his head and leaves without another word. First Aid lingers, optics never leaving you.

  “It’ll be fine,” Ratchet reassures him. “I’ll take care of it. Go recharge.”

  It takes a lot for the other medic to step back and exit the medibay. Ratchet watches him go, then sighs and drags a servo over his faceplate. Becoming the caretaker of an injured organic lifeform was not something he had planned for today. Primus, how the hell am I going to tell Rodimus?

  A soft noise drags his attention away from the alarming thought of what might happen if the extroverted captain learns about his new “crewmate.” He looks down at you and startles a bit. Your eyes, foggy and unfocused, are staring right at him. There’s a fatigued expression of utter terror on your face that once again has his spark feeling like it's been ripped from his chassis and stomped on.

  “You’ll be okay,” he whispers to you. “I promise.”

  You close your eyes and let your helm loll to the side. Ratchet watches the soft rise and fall of your chassis for a few moments longer, then dims the medibay lights and returns to his previous work on the other side of the room.

  Never do you stray far from his mind.

[pricetagofficial]

The Little Merman -D.G. Part Four

Warnings: Language, some angst, heartbreak, I didn't really proof this so Im sure there are errors but I don't care, Dick is an absolute dork

Masterlist

Pairing: Merman!Dick Grayson x Reader

Word Count: 3.4K

A/N: Hello it's me, ya girl. I've had this written for a while but I finished this part not too long ago and so I decided to post it. It's been a long few days for me, with tornados and shit but I'm all good and everything is good. Big thanks to @offendedfishnoises for helping meeeeee

The next morning when Dick woke, he felt lighter than air. Having spent the day with you yesterday, it put him in a really good mood. His heart was aflutter and all he wanted to do was stare at the ceiling above him as his thoughts were plagued by your smile and laughter. 

The sheets were comfortable, and he never wanted to leave them but eventually, he would have to. He only had one more day left with you, his time was running short. 

Running a hand through his hair, Dick looked around and saw Alfred asleep on the pillow next to him. Even when he was being ridiculous, Alfred still stayed by his side. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Dick slowly sat up and looked out the window. 

The sun was rising beautifully above the horizon, dusting the sky in shades of orange, blue and yellow. Today would be the day, Dick had to get you to kiss him. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he didn’t. The thought made a shiver run down his spine. 

Roy didn’t show up at all this morning, neither did Kyle or Victor, to help him out. Maybe they all were busy with their duties, they were your royal guards after all. It was a good thing Dick learned to dress himself, if he was going to stay a human he would have to learn eventually. 

Pulling on the boots provided for him, Dick slipped Alfred who had woken not that long ago and gave him pointers on how to fix his shirt. 

“Now Master Richard, remember. You need to be patient, Y/N is still a young lady and there are rules for her to abide by.” 

Dick nodded absentmindedly, listening but not really listening to what he was saying. The only thing that was on his mind was getting to see you again. 

Walking down the hall with a spring in his step, Dick heard voices mutter around him even giving him an odd look, but he paid no mind to it. 

Dick searched for you in the library, the kitchen and even tried knocking on your bedroom door, to no avail. When he checked your study, Dick knew something was off. Those were your favorite places, so where were you? 

Hearing voices down the hall in the foyer, Dick’s face broke into a smile as he made his way to the stairs. You had to be there with everyone else. 

As he got closer, Dick heard your voice and that spurred him to go faster. His heart was already beating wildly, just from the mere thought of getting to see you. 

It was when he turned the corner and stood at the top of the staircase when he saw it, or rather him. 

You were in the foyer, with Roy, Kyle and Victor that much was true. But someone else was with you, someone who looked suspiciously familiar. But that wasn’t what made his stomach drop to the floor. 

It was the way you were looking at him, like he held the world in the palm of his hand as the man towered over your smaller form. Your chin was held between his finger and thumb as he brushed your bottom lip ever so softly, and a charismatic grin on his face. 

“Who’d have thought it’d be love at first sight?” the man grinned, pulling you closer by the waist making your hands rest on his solid chest. 

Love? 

No, that couldn’t be it. Dick was sure you loved him, you had to! But, everything about what he was seeing told him the opposite. Was he nothing more than just something to pass the time? A charity case for you to take in? 

“I felt something pull me to the beach, and there you were.” you sighed dreamily, “I’m glad I made it when I did.” 

“Me too,” 

What happened next made Dick’s heart shatter into a million pieces. If he listened close enough, he could hear the crack as it did. He watched with watery eyes as the man tilted your head up further and pulled you into a kiss. 

Not able to watch more, Dick held back his sobs before turning and running back down the hallway. How could he have been so stupid? Wiping the tears threatening to spill, Dick ran to his room and slammed the door only to fall to his knees letting out a defeated sob. 

He was wrong, he was wrong about everything. You never loved him, and Dick was a fool for thinking you did. Now, he had to live with the mistakes he made. It was a mistake to take Slade up on the deal, it was a mistake coming here, and it was a mistake to follow his heart. 

If he had just stayed home and had gotten married like Bruce wanted, maybe then he’d be spared the worst heartbreak he’s ever felt in his life. 

Alfred looked at Dick with a heavy heart, after all he had given up for something he was so sure about, to see you in the arms of another man broke his heart. Something wasn’t adding up, after seeing the two of you together the night before, Alfred was almost convinced himself that it was genuine. 

He needed to figure this out. 

As much as he wanted to stay and comfort Dick, he needed to find the truth. 

Quietly, he sidestepped under the door and made his way down the hall. Following the sound of voices, Alfred made his way back to the foyer and watched as you and the mysterious man disappeared through the doors to the dining hall, with Roy, Kyle and Victor staying behind. 

“What the hell was that?” Victor asked, looking between his two friends. 

Kyle only shrugged, “You’ve got me, last I checked she was making googly eyes at Dick. I don’t even know who this guy is, do either of you?” 

Victor shook his head again, before looking at Roy. 

“What do you know?” 

Alfred moved closer, eager to hear more. 

Roy ran a hand through his hair, and let out a sigh. “I have no idea. I talked to her last night, and she made no mention of this new guy, Bruce or whatever his name was. I–” he sighed again. “I was convinced she was going to–” 

His voice trailed off, as he looked towards the door to the dining hall. “Whatever is going on, I don’t like it and I definitely do not like the new guy.” 

“What are we going to do with our friend upstairs? Do you think he knows about this?” 

Roy shook his head, “We can’t let him find out, it would break the poor guy's heart.” 

Alfred shook his head, it was too late for that. 

“Before we do anything, we need to find out more about Bruce. Who he is, where he is from, and see if there are any discrepancies in his story.” 

Kyle and Victor both nodded, Alfred agreeing with their plan. Good thing he was small, and could hide easily. Watching the three guards divy out jobs, they all went their separate ways.

Before he went down the steps, the doors to the dining hall opened and out you came with Bruce on your arm. Giving you a kiss, Alfred watched as he muttered something in your ear that made you fluster before he made his way up the stairs alone. 

Hiding behind a pillar, Alfred watched as he made his way down the hall almost swaggering in his walk. Following behind as quick as he could so he didn’t get lost, Alfred managed to keep up and slip his way through the bedroom door he disappeared behind. 

What surprised Alfred was seeing young Terra waiting in the room. Slipping behind a vase, Alfred stayed out of sight. 

“When you said you would be coming here, this wasn’t what I expected, Slade.”

Alfred’s eyes widened, Slade followed them to the surface world? But how would he know when and where to go? Was Terra working with him the entire time?

“You should know by now that I always follow through with my plans, and deals, kid.” 

Terra narrowed her eyes. “Now that you’re here, what is your plan with Y/N?” 

“Since you failed me with that bad luck potion, I decided to change up my plans. Instead of getting one kingdom when princey boy fails to get that kiss, I can still marry that princess brat and get the literal keys to this place. Then I can get rid of those brats and good old Bruce, and then there would be no one around to stop me.” 

Alfred watched the look on Terra’s face, she looked conflicted. 

“What are you going to do to them?” 

Slade casted Terra a side look as he looked at himself in the mirror, “What’s it to you? I’m not the one who sold out my only friend to a sea demon for revenge.” 

Terra clenched her fists, giving Slade a dirty look. 

“Listen, all I’m saying is that if you want to stick around, I suggest you stay out of my way.” With that, Slade slicked his hair back once more and stepped out of the room, leaving Alfred and Terra alone in the room. 

Everything made sense, Alfred knew Slade was up to something. Why else would he give a deal like that to Dick, when there was a possible chance he’d uphold his end? He had to find a way out of here so he could warn Dick, and get him that kiss and save not only his kingdom, but this one as well. 

Looking around, Terra seemed to be out of sight so Alfred made his move. Creeping out from behind his hiding place, he quietly made his way to the window. Climbing up the bed, and to the windowsill, Alfred could see a clear path into a neighboring window that would get him back on track. 

Before he could make a move, a hand grabbed Alfred and turned him around. 

Terra looked at him with a skeptical look, “Looks like we have a little spy.” 

Alfred stayed still, trying to play dumb crab. It seemed Terra didn’t fall for it. 

“I know what the advisor to the king looks like, and it seems he was spying.” she hissed. Alfred wiggled to get out of her grip. “Master Bruce will stop you, and you will not lay a hand on Master Richard!” 

Terra rolled her eyes and placed him under a cup on the dresser, “We’ll see about that.” Placing a heavy book on top of the cup, Terra fixed her appearance before opening the door. 

“You should know when you’ve lost, after sundown today it won’t matter what you do.” 

With that, she disappeared. 

Alfred hit his claws on the dresser. Now how was he going to get out of this? Dick needed his help, and he was currently stuck. Taking a look around the room, his options were limited; not only was he trapped in a glass but there was a massive book on top of it. 

Running into the side of it, his little crab body only bounced off the glass before he plopped back onto the wood. So that wasn’t going to work it seemed. 

Lifting his claws, Alfred began hitting the glass hoping to make enough noise or break the glass even. Time was running out, with the new knowledge of Slade and his involvement things were getting complicated. 

After what felt like forever, Alfred let out a sigh of defeat. He was truly stuck, and no one knew where he was. Dick was still in his room to his knowledge and no one else was aware of a talking crab that didn’t trap him. 

“What a mess this has turned out to be,” he sighed. 

No sooner did he speak those words, there was a flap in the air and he turned to see a seagull wander its way in through the open window. This gave Alfred an idea. 

Waving his claws in the air, he jumped and shouted trying to get the bird’s attention. 

“Hey! Hey you!” he shouted, banging on the glass. “Look at the tasty red crab!” 

Alfred watched as the bird’s head twitched, watching him dance around. “Come and get me!” 

The seagull paused for a moment before it flew towards Alfred, and as it came into contact with the glass and book Alfred ducked hoping to avoid its claws and beak. 

There was a crash, and Alfred was suddenly on the ground watching as the seagull panicked, flying around the room in circles before it finally found its way out of the window once again. 

Letting out a breath, Alfred relaxed before making his way towards the door. Scrunching in his shell halfway, he slid under the door and quickly made his way down the hallway. He had to get to Dick, and he had to tell him what was going on before it was too late. 

Squeezing his way under the door, Alfred saw Dick sat on his bed as he stared out the window. His eyes were red and puffy, cheeks tear stained from what seemed to be hours of sobbing at the thought of his unrequited love. 

Dick was a fool, thinking a girl like you would ever love him. 

“Master Richard,” Alfred started. “Things may not be the way they seem.” 

Dick slowly turned to look at the little crab, hoping his expression gave off the words he couldn’t speak. If he was going to try and tell him that things  could still go in his favor, Dick would have to refuse. He saw you kiss that man with his own eyes, and he knew Alfred did too. 

“I think our Lady Y/N has been put under a spell.” 

Dick turned his head away, refusing to listen. He couldn’t give himself any more hope, hope that you could still love him in return. 

“Didn’t that man look familiar to you at all? To make matters worse, I heard the lady-in-waiting talking to him and they confirmed it for me.” 

Dick still refused to look. 

Alfred was not going to continue putting up with this. Banging his larger claw against the ground, Alfred huffed and crawled his way up the bed and sat on the window ledge in Dick’s view. 

“Master Richard, I did not almost get eaten by a seagull for you to sit here and sulk about a lovely woman who is in love with you. Slade wouldn’t have to play dirty and use magic if he thought you were going to fail.” 

Dick’s attention finally turned to Alfred. 

“You are going to break that spell, and you are going to get your happy ending.” 

Alfred could already hear the words on the young master’s mind. 

“You and I both know that Slade is playing dirty to prevent you from getting that kiss. So we need to pull a page from his book and make sure you get your happy ending.” 

Dick wasn’t sure what to think, he was a little apprehensive. Slade was evil and twisted, and doing things the way he did was never good. But he was about to lose you to him, and he wasn’t going down without a fight. 

Sitting up, he wiped his eyes and looked at the crab in front of him. 

“To start, we need to get the rest of the guard on our side. From what I heard, they already are. I believe Master Roy will be a good place to start.” 

Dick nodded again, rising to his feet and straightening out his shirt. He had to find Roy and somehow convince him that he was not only human, but that a sea monster was trying to marry you to take over the land and sea. 

Seemed easy enough, if he could talk that is. 

Picking up Alfred, Dick set him on his shoulder and made his way down the stairs. This was his only chance, not only to help you but to prevent everything from falling into the hands of the wrong person. 

It didn’t take long for Dick and Alfred to find Roy, catching him on one of the balconies watching you and Slade promenade through the gardens. 

Roy was watching from afar, cause he didn’t like this new guy at all. Something felt very wrong about him, like every word out of his mouth was crafted to try and lure him into a spell. Roy knew magic existed in their world, he just never thought it would be used in such horrible ways.

Hearing shuffling behind him, Roy turned to see Dick there with a suspicious looking crab on his shoulder. 

“Oh, Dick. How can I help you?” he asked, trying to hide the scene below with his body. 

Gesturing him closer, Roy raised a brow and followed Dick to a private corner. “What’s going on?” 

Alfred nudged his chin, “You must describe Slade to him, he won’t understand me. You have to do this yourself Master Richard.” 

Letting out an exasperated huff, Dick motioned to his eye and covered it up. 

Roy just stared at him, confused. “You’re a pirate?” 

This was going to be a lot harder than Dick thought. 

After what felt like hours, Dick with Alfred’s coaching had given Roy a small grasp at the situation. 

Roy watched as Dick once again gestured to the crab on his shoulder, before making a sawing motion with his hands. He then followed up with the sign they created for this new guy, Spade, or something, as he pretended to be a pirate with a sword. 

“Your crab saw Spade,” he recounted. 

Dick nodded, before waving his hand as if he was casting a spell and then made the motion for girl. Spade wasn’t entirely correct, but Dick didn’t want to put in the extra effort to get the right sounds for the monster’s name.

“Cast a spell on a girl, Y/N?” he paused. 

Dick nodded again, before waving his arms around like an octopus. 

“Because he likes to dance?” 

Dick shook his head, he held up eight fingers before pointing at his legs. 

“Eight legs? What the hell does that mean? The man’s an octopus or something?” 

Roy jumped back seeing how excited Dick was that he guessed it right. “How do you know that he is an octopus, or that your crab can talk unless–” 

Dick nodded quickly, before pointing out the window to the sea and then to himself. Was Roy finally getting the hang of it? If he could just get him to figure this out, so many issues could be solved. 

“Unless you’re from the ocean too,” he concluded, his eyes going wide. “But that would mean you’re a–” 

Again, Dick nodded, getting excited. He was so close, so close to someone knowing the truth. There was no way he could stop Slade on his own, and Bruce was too far to get help from in a timely manner.

“Wait, are you the one she kept meeting out in the middle of nowhere?” 

Roy chuckled at the thumbs up. “Well, that explains a lot actually. But why can’t you talk? Y/N said you would tell her stories.” 

Dick made the sign for Slade again, before pretending to rip out his voice box. 

“Spade cut your throat? No, you’d be dead. He took… he took your voice?” 

Dick was about to cry, someone finally understood him and knew the truth and it only took an hour of their day. 

“So we have to find a way to stop the wedding, and that will help you somehow get your voice back?” 

With another enthusiastic nod, Dick smiled. 

“Alright, sounds like a plan. But we really need to teach you how to read and write English, not merperson.” 

Even Alfred couldn’t hide his laughter at that one. 

Even though Roy couldn’t understand him, he knew the crab was laughing too. 

“Alright, let’s find a way to stop the wedding.” 

Roy and Dick turned to head down the hall when they were stopped by Victor, Kyle and several other members of the guard. 

“You two aren’t going anywhere,” Victor kept a hand on the hilt of his sword, and watched the two of them. 

Immediately, Roy and Dick could see that something was wrong with them. They had a hazy look to their eyes, and almost a sickly look to their skin. If either of them had to guess, Slade spelled them too. 

“Aw come on, Vic? Why not?” 

“We are under order from Master Slade to keep the two of you away from Y/N at all costs.” 

Roy and Dick shared a look, “Well, I guess this complicates things.” 

TAGS: @niggxrette @littleredwing89 @offendedfishnoises @bluejay-the-geek @udiudijaye @restwellsoon

[xotaemintol]

Hello, can u do a headcanon: Relationship habits with Taemin

thanks<3

OFC!!

Now, all of this is really just based off of very small things I’ve seen him do in lives and stuff and also his MBTI (we’re both INFP’s btw lolololol) so if it doesn’t feel very accurate then I’ll be pleased to make changes and make it however you want or feel would be more accurate to the unhinged man himself, anywaaaays here you go!!

FLUFFY FLUFF no pronouns used, no gender implied!!

!!SFW!!

Taemin has a habit of making you try anything he's eating, even if it's bad.

-He's the type to try new things often, and he wants you to try them too so he'll literally force you to eat it even if he knows you won't like it

-"Just try it!" "C'mon! Just a little bite!"

-eventually you'll give in and try it after five minutes of him prying, and just when you think he won't do it again, he asks you to try the drink too

-he accidentally bought a veggie smoothie when he was out and when he tasted it he literally gagged and was like "baby, try this!" You said no but he literally whined and kept asking until you finally drank it, and surprisingly it was delicious

-when he cooks he always waits for you to try it first, he loves seeing your reactions when he makes something that tastes good

He says things that sound questionable all the time and you think he does it just because he finds it funny

-Minho once came over without a warning before and you had both just woken up, he saw you both coming out of Taemin's room looking like you got hit by a tornado and when he asked what happened, Taemin said: "we had a long night."

-When you were celebrating your anniversary he gave a small speech and in it he said: "I'm so happy to spend my life with you, even after everything you have done, I couldn't be happier with everyone else." Needless to say, it raised a few brows and he had to explain that he just meant all the good things you've done for him

-he accidentally made it seem like you were getting married once when he was trying to explain that you were moving in with him and Minho (not knowing) sent a four thousand dollar engagement gift to congratulate you

He does this thing where he'll pet your head but super aggressively

-he usually does this to Kkoong and Ddaeng, but he also does it to you now too

-he'll randomly pet the two adorable cats and then he'll turn to you and basically tackle you to aggressively pet your head while calling you cute over and over again and kissing your entire face

-you had to run from him once because he was trying to pet your head after you had just got your hair done, he caught you anyways and made sure to be extra aggressive and really hammer in just how adorable you are

-to put it simply, he has extreme cuteness aggression towards you so he squeezes you face often, pinches your cheeks, hugs you so tight you might pop, and will straight up tackle you because he thinks you are just so cute

He takes ages to respond to messages when he's out, even if he's not busy, he can take hours to respond

-once you texted him asking if he was eating dinner before coming back home so you'd know if you needed to cook for two or not but he never answered and because you didn't know if he was eating already or not, you cooked two full meals...he had already eaten...

-he may take hours to respond but when he does text you he'll send like 50 texts and when you don't respond right away he'll get offended

-'why aren't you responding to my texts? Are you busy?' 'Didn't you miss me??? What's taking you so long?? Helllooooooo???'

-he'll get super clingy when you take too long to respond to him, and if he gets home before you do he'll be upset the rest of the night until you spoil him with attention

He stays up late and watches Kdramas or Anime for hours and will get so immersed in it that he'll forget you went to bed and will yell and scream when he gets excited

-you catch him almost every night watching something different and have to remind him to go to bed so he isn't tired in the morning

-when he watched Tokyo Ghoul he screamed during the last episode because he was so excited and woke you up, you told him to at least be quieter and expected him to come to bed soon, but instead, he stayed up till morning and then passed out on the couch with a blanket 

-once you fell asleep on the couch with him while watching a movie and he accidentally woke you up with his cheering

You don't argue often, but when you do he can't be serious

-he smiles and laughs in the middle of small arguments, he'll be grinning the entire time and it's not because he doesn't take the situation serious, it's just because he doesn't even get why you're fighting anyways

-he laughed when you were arguing about getting a third cat and you couldn't even take the argument serious anymore

-even when arguing he finds you so cute, he'll literally drop the whole conversation to attack you with affection

Is such a cat and plant dad that when he's upset with you he'll go and talk to them about what made him upset

-he sits in the living room sometimes and talks to them about you in general, but when he's upset he'll sulk and grumble to the plants about you

-'can you believe that? I can't either'

-even when he's not upset he still talks to them about you

-he's so dramatic he once cried to the plants saying that you were going to divorce him and take the kids, this happens whenever he has to suddenly cancel dinner plans or whenever you get upset at him for keeping you up or for buying expensive cat toys

He may take hours to respond but he'll send long video logs of his day to show you how his day has been going

-when he's filming or traveling he makes super long videos in that hour long wait of a response, he'll talk to you through the videos and ask you about your day and ask if you missed him or what you ate

[riptidesblog]

If I rewrote/fixed plot holes in Ninjago Pilots:

They're actually not that bad for a beginning,but I would change a few things:

-I'll not question blacksmith being a career that could provide for two teens,but the fact that Kai seems to be a bad one does not sit right with me.Especially since the issue with the curled sword was not his impatience but the size of the water bucket used(I think)

-Wu being "I told you so,useless" to Kai after Nya is captured.Replace that with sympathy maybe? It would make sense as Wu knows what it's like to lose a family member and is wise enough to understand that Kai is distraught

-Give better reasoning for trusting the map to Ray than Wu fearing his death bc knowing the lore we have now,Wu is likely to outlive him.It could be that monastery was obviously a bad choice and Wu didn't want the weapons lost forever bc they're needed for the prophecy and with most of the past generation of ems either gone or not entirely trustworthy(earth em before Lilly was a traitor during the serpentine wars,then rejoined the alliance,damaging Wu's trust in him and Lilly herself was young and going out on adventures making her unavailable; Libber is missing,Ice em is either dead or missing to Wu's knowledge and etc)

-Personal hc for where Cole,Jay and Zane were during Kai's training is that on the journey to monastery Wu messaged them without Kai noticing,sending them away with a task.Once Kai mastered the course he called the 3 back without warning them about Kai

-Jay's "We're saving a girl?Is she hot?" line.The first part along with their reaction to Kai implies the 3 didn't know anything about Smith-Jiang siblings.Including age.On the one hand,that's creepy.Jay is just lucky that Nya's not too much younger.On the other,it might be in character for Jay to say something without thinking.If we're keeping it then have Jay say it later when there is a possibility that Kai or Wu informed them of the situation and the details.

-Show Kai warming up to the team more and more

-Establish the disastrous consequences of Tornado of Creation bc the only bad thing to happen from that in all the show was Lloyd being taken out by a door and that was just a coincidence.Not only will it give more detail,but also explain why ninja don't use it all the time

-Nya quoting Ray despite not remembering much about her parents.Let's assume Kai told her about it

-Wu's plan.What was the point of taking the sword to the Underworld if the other three weapons would be brought to the same place? That moment needs to be thought through

-Wu's 'death'.He was not a fallen warrior bitter with defeat,so there's no reason for him to go to the Underworld with the sword of fire and he did not turn into a skulkin.To fix this and previous point,let's say he got trapped on the other side of the volcano with the entrance to the Underworld and sword of fire has been with him bc he obtained it during the battle.He did not die yet

-Flame.Other 3 dragons didn't need to be woken up to protect their weapons(Rocky took some time tho).My personal hc is that the other 3 woke up immediately bc they sensed the humans and the skulkin.Flame however living so close to Underworld has his senses for the skulkin and similar dark forces(like Garmadon's Oni heritage) muted and the only others present in the Fire Temple were Kai,Nya and Wu,who all have dragon heritage

-Dragon saddles should not exist at this point in the show(I know it's to sell toys,but still)

-Jaya hug and Ignacians enthusiasm/cheering. Just don't include it at all,Jay and Nya are strangers at this point and Ignacians have no idea what's going on.Instead show them being confused and afraid of dragons and Jay maybe introducing himself to Nya

-Garmadon and Wu need to refer to each-other by smth other than just brother.It's repetitive and kinda unrealistic(no matter how old,siblings are siblings).This goes for the whole show

[macravishedbymactavish]

Taco Watch, or is it warning? (John "Soap" Mactavish x GN! Reader)

I know too many people who lived through tornados, while I googled the "warning vs watch taco metaphor"

TW for swearing, Soap being chaotic at 2am

| Blog HQ | Modern Warfare 2 Masterlist |

"Hey" you heard a panicked whisper in the dark, pulling you from the sleep you were about to fall into "what's the difference between a hurricane watch and hurricane warning?"

...this is not why you were just woken up. It couldn't be.

"Does it matter? We don't live anywhere close to potential hurricanes" you mumbled, rolling over to snuggle into his side and lay your head on his chest. "Leave that to like....Florida men. They'll know what the difference is and try to fight the hurricane single handedly with a 12 pack of Mountain Dew while they're naked" you yawned. Feeling the your body grow heavy and relaxed once again. Best sleep of my life here I come

"Okay, but what if I'm in Florida" Oh. My. Fucking. GOD.

"You won't be" you whispered, holding back the attitude that was growing in your overtired brain. "And if for some ungodly reason you are...the authentic Florida men have you covered"

You held your breath for a minute after your response, relishing in the silence, feeling his chest rise and fall with each calm breath he took.

Finally. Right as you felt yourself start to relax again --

"But what if I'm in Florida, with a hurricane whatever and nobody else is around". Letting out a dramatic sigh, you reminded yourself that you were not cut out for prison and sat up. Reaching over to turn the lamp on when you did.

"Jesus fucking christ, Johnny!" You lightly snapped, rubbing your tired eyes as you heard him awkwardly chuckle from the spot on the bed beside you. "Watch is we have the ingredients to make the tacos if we want them. Warning is we having tacos. Right now." You watched his expression change from concerned to a slightly confused look, as he whispered tacos? to himself, focusing on all the wrong parts of your metaphor.

"Fuckin' hell" you rolled your eyes, "Watch is we have the right conditions for a hurricane, but no hurricane yet. Warning is here comes the hurricane bitch" you thanked every higher power above when he nodded, finally understanding and getting an answer to his life ending, wake his partner up at 2am when the likelihood of you two ever dealing with a hurricane are slim to none.

"That's stupid. It should be the other way around. Warning being maybe we'll have a hurricane and watch being I'm watching the hurricane go by".

That's it. That is literally it.

You grabbed your pillow, and threw yourself out of the bed. Wandering to the guest room, desperate for some sleep.

"Bonnie no, come back. I love you" you heard Johnny yell from the bedroom laughing. Even though you were grumpy from the slight sleep deprivation (and his choice of being overly chaotic tonight) you couldn't help but feel your heart expand.

That is....until you felt the guest bed behind you shift as he joined you right before you fell asleep.

"Hen..."

"I will suffocate you. Don't test me" you mumbled, finally being able to sleep that night.

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221

[orthgodlove]

i hate this

[ma-gic-gay]

This is bad.

Boss and second best friend is presumed dead and I just had sex with his wife who happens to be my best friend bad. In his bed. In his house. Pretty sure I need to go and repent at a church when I'm not even religious bad.

Oh right, that's what happened. Minus the going to a church and confessing his sins to a priest part. That's probably what he should do, but he doubts he'll actually go through with that. A priest would probably somehow get to Sam or worse, end up knowing where Sonny is and been harboring him all this time. As far as he knows, you can't really have a priest not tell your secrets.

He's fucked. Scratch that, they're fucked.

Wrong choice of expression there. Very wrong. Ironic, but severely wrong expression.

What the hell is he supposed to do from here? What are they supposed to do from here? Go and confess their sins to a pastor? Too long and they'd probably end up in jail if that happened. Pretend it never happened? He knows that's not going to happen. There's going to be a long, drawn out conversation about it. Move to different continents and never speak to each other again? Too extreme, not to mention unlikely. Something would happen and they'd both be pulled back to town or to whatever continent they were on to post bail or something. Besides, they'd been friends forever. They could never not be in each other's lives. It was impossible.

Oh god. They're friends. No benefits. The last time there had been benefits attached, they had hated each other. Not in a typical "I hate you bitch" way, but in a "it doesn't matter if I never see you again. In fact, my life would be better if I didn't" way.

Needless to say they were not going back to those days. It would be impossible now; both had intertwined lives. Their kids were close and both were close to each other's kids. Extra parents, if you will. Not to mention, they both knew way too much about each other.

Irony is a cruel mistress, he thinks, thinking back to when they didn't even know each other's names. Those were the days of Robin and picking up random girls in bars before he learned his lesson about the girls he picked for his hookups carefully because if he didn't, there was a chance he'd end up with his entire life turned into a tornado of blonde hair and getting her out of trouble.

The quiet snoring at his side suddenly came to a stop, a telltale sign she's woken up or close to it.

Suddenly, he's all too aware of what happened last night between the two and what's going on now. They'd had sex (protected, at least they were stable enough to remember that) in the house Sonny bought, in his bed. The kids were at their friends houses, or in the case of Avery at her mother's. So at least the kids hadn't heard them.

Flashforward what he imagines can't be more than twelve hours and now they're in Sonny's bed, naked and both awake or waking up. The kids wouldn't suspect anything, provided none of his clothes besides his jacket were downstairs. He'd spent the night in general plenty of times and that had increased in this year.

Granted, their impulse control last night was to be questioned given that this had happened.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" Carly asks tiredly, still wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "And where the hell is your shirt? Or mine, for that matter- oh god."

She remembers. Dammit. This is both a good and a bad thing.

Good in the thing that he's now confirmed that they were sober, bad that now they've got decisions to make and neither of them make the best decisions when it's early in the morning and they're uncaffeinated.

"We need to talk about this, but first, coffee. Where the hell are our clothes? Please tell me we didn't leave them downstairs," she groans.

They find their clothes quickly enough and get dressed slightly awkwardly before heading downstairs to brew coffee.

The moss bowl that seems to continually grow, to the point that Jason was gifted some moss to go in his apartment as a housewarming gift from Carly, seems extra interesting this morning as he studies it intensely. That is one big moss plant. Over the course of a year, it got much larger than expected.

"Alright, we are not going to stand here in this awkward silence. We are going to discuss what happened last night and then figure out what the hell is means," she decides, handing him a mug of coffee.

"What is there to discuss? We had sex," he answers her simply after taking a sip of coffee.

"That's the exact thing we have to discuss."

"We're both very aware of how that works, Carly. Would you like me to pull up a diagram online and explain it?" Jason teases her.

"No smartass, I want to discuss the sex."

"Oh god," he groans into his coffee. "It's not even ten am and you've already decided that this is the big fight of the day for you. Couldn't this wait until, I don't know, Scout graduates college?"

"Jason," she warns, "humor me and discuss last night. I promise that this conversation will end sooner if you just agree to actually have it sooner."

"It'll end ten minutes before my funeral as opposed to at my funeral, then," he jokes.

"Do you want me to think about your death?"

"Alright fine I give in, we'll talk about it."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" She asks triumphantly.

"You are lucky I don't have anything else to do today besides paperwork I can have someone else do," he answers.

There's not enough coffee in the world to stop the headache he can feel she's going to bring to him today. It's a sixth sense by now, that she'll be giving him a headache that won't be fixed until the problem is solved.

In a weird way, it's a relief know that she does that. It's comforting in the strangest way.

Neither of them claimed to ever understand why it's calming.

"I know," she says, a smirk on her face. "Now, to the discussion about last night. We did it."

"We have already confirmed that information, yes," he agrees.

"It was good."

"Yeah."

"We're friends."

"Correct."

"I need more than one word answers!"

"We're reviewing information we both already agreed on and these aren't questions."

Sighing, Carly dramatically sips her coffee, getting a quiet chuckle out of her friend. "I still would appreciate an answer that wasn't a synonym of yes. Maybe one that's, I don't know, five or more words."

"Then ask me a question."

"Fine. Where do you want to go from here? Do we stay friends or be more or be friends with benefits or something else I haven't thought of yet?" The blonde rambles, caffeine kicking in.

"You're rambling."

"I'm aware."

"Just checking."

"Answer the question!"

"Calm down," he urges. "I don't know where to go from here."

"You're always the one who knows what to do in situations like these, not me!"

"Yes, I always come up with a plan of what to do when you and I hook up a day after Christmas. Because we've been in this situation loads of times before," he chuckle sarcastically.

"I meant when I do something impulsive, or you do something impulsive smartass," Carly glares at him playfully.

"Ah yes, my life's sole purpose: Stopping you from doing stupid things. And when that fails, getting you out of trouble," he jokes again. "I don't know what to do, for once. We may have a major problem on our hands."

"May have? Jason, if you can't figure out what to do from here, I think we're in major trouble! I haven't made a major life decision without a severe amount of your input in a very long time," the blonde exclaims, downing the last of her coffee like it'll help her make a decision of what to do here.

"That probably says something about you being codependent on me."

"You love me running into your apartment with your problems."

"Sometimes. Other times, your problems and plans are so stupid I don't understand them but somehow they hinge on me going along with them."

"Well of course they hinge on you going along with them? You're my best friend, if they didn't I'm convinced that our friendship would simply never recover from it. We'd live our lives without a single hope of ever getting back to this because you didn't go along with my plan," she says dramatically, smiling. "And that would be the worst thing to ever happen to either of us."

"Mhm," he says, rolling his eyes but a small smile pulls at his lips. "I believe you decided that we needed to figure this out."

"Well we do!"

"So far you've only stated the facts of what happened and some of the options of what to do. You're the one who decided we have to figure out exactly what this means before I'm even fully coherent."

"Drink your coffee faster."

"Solid advice coming from a woman who's already formed three plans before her first cup of coffee."

"You're right, there are about seventeen different possibilities in my mind at the moment based off of what decision we come to," she smiles at him. "Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then let's get it over with," he sighs, sipping his coffee in an attempt to not deal with a massive headache.

"First scenario is that we pretend this never happened and stay exactly the same. No awkwardness, last night is essentially wiped from our memories. Solid option, but it's impossible. Second is friends with benefits but we don't catch feelings. Again, solid option with no to minimal awkwardness, but I have a feeling we both know it won't end up happening, especially with me. Third is friends with benefits but we do catch feelings. Could end in repressing feelings or could end with us dating. Either way, ends up being fairly complicated. Fourth is that we begin dating. This one has equal pros and cons, primarily that if that ends up going south we won't have our friendship being the same and that would be the worst but that if it goes well, marriage. No more kids though, I think we've got enough of those.

"Fifth is we both move away and never see each other again. Not happening. We both would end up arrested. Or killed," Carly shudders at the thought, "Sixth option is that you go back to Sam and I begin the rather depressing at this age journey of dating. Seventh is that we acknowledge last night but continue as friends. Can't decide the pros and cons of that one."

"I haven't even finished my coffee yet and you're already planning seven different ideas for your future?" Jason asks, impressed and terrified at the same time. "Good god."

"Well now you have seven options to choose from. No pressure but if you choose five, I will never forgive you."

"Five is automatically out of the story, don't worry about that."

"In that case, you have six options to choose from."

"Why can't you choose?"

"Because I'm incapable of making a decision of this caliber on my own."

"But I'm not?"

"Fine, we'll make this decision together. After all, it affects us both." Carly agrees against her better judgement. "We should make a list."

"A list?" He groans. "This sounds dangerously close to a plan."

"It's not a plan, though. That's the beauty of it, we make a pros and cons list. From there, we make our decision."

"Most people would flip a coin."

"That's a terrible way to make a decision."

"Not really but fine, we'll make a list."

"I knew you'd give in."

To be continued when I'm not half asleep

oh dear-

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: Alice In Wonderland (1985) Part 2

Part 2 Opens Where The Last One Ended With Alice Scared Of The Jabberwocky, Wishing It Away, The Jabberwocky Disappears As She Hides Behind A Chess Board When She Accidentally Knocks It Over...

Seeing That She Knocked Down All The Pieces Onto The Floor, Alice Starts To Pick Them Up Only To Discover That They're Alive But They Can't Hear Her...

One By One Alice Lifts Up The White Queen (Played By Ryan Stiles)...

The White King (Played By Harvey Korman) The Red King, And The Red Queen (Played By Bo Peep From Babes In Toyland) Who Believe That Alice Lifting Them Up Was A Tornado...

Hearing A Voice, Alice Looks Around The Room And Notices A Painting Of An Owl Come To Life As She's Transported To Looking-Glass Land...

Where The Owl (Played By Jack Warden) Explains That Until She Conquers Her Fears Of The Jabberwocky And Growing Up, She Will Be Unable To Return To The Real World And Will Have To Remain In Looking-Glass Land, Where Everything Is The Reverse Of What She Expects...

Walking In The Forest, Alice Has An Interesting Conversation With Some Talking Flowers (Including A Tiger Lilly (Played By Sally Struthers) And A Rose (Played By Donna Mills) Until The Red Queen Shows Up, Only This Time She Can Hear Alice And She's Full Size...

Telling Alice That She Is To Take The Place Of One Of The Pawns Of The White Queen In A Gigantic Game Of Chess. The Red Queen Tells That She Must Reach The Eighth Square To Become A Queen And Once She Does, She'll Be Able To Go Home After That She Disappears...

But Don't Worry, We'll See Her Again Later...

Boarding A Train To The Fourth Square, Alice Gets In A Car With A Goat (Played By Bobby Ewing) A Man In A Paper Suit (Played By Steve Allen) And A Horse (Played By Mr. Miyagi)...

Hurt By All Their Teasing And Rantings, She Calls The Goat Silly, As The Train Picks Up Speed With No Emergency Cord. But Pulling The Goat's Whiskers The Train Stops As The Conductor (Played By Merv Griffin) Tells Her To Get Off The Train...

Once Off, She Asks A Gnat (Played By George Gobel) If She's At The Fourth Square And He Says That She Is As He Warns Her To Stay Out Of The Woods...

But Not Heeding His Warning, Alice Meets Tweedle Dee And Tweedle Dum (Played By Steve Lawrence And Eydie Gormé) Who Sing The First Song In Part 2...

Though In The Age Of The Coronavirus, It Ought To Be How'd You Do, Shake Elbows...

But Not In The Least Tired, They Take Alice To The Oceanside, Where They Tell The Story Of The Walrus (Played By Karl Malden) And The Carpenter (Played By Louis Nye) Which Is Our Next Song...

Leaving The Tweedles After That, Alice Walks Through The Woods Again Only To Eventually Run Into The White Queen Who Sings The Next Song...

But As A Consequence Of Living A Backwards Life, The White Queen Ends Up Becoming A Sheep...

We Then Watch As Alice Is Chased By A Giant Vulture, Which She Initially Believes To Be The Jabberwocky Only To Meet Humpty Dumpty (Played By Jonathan Winters)...

Unfortunately, However, The Jabberwocky Shows Up Again And Knocks Humpty Off Of His Wall As He Chases Alice Only To Lose Her Again...

Hiding In A Bush, Alice Meets The White King And His Messenger, Haigha (Played By Uncle Jesse)...

Who Sing The Next Song As They Take Alice To Meet The Lion (Played By Mermaidman)...

And The Unicorn (Played By Beau Bridges) Who Are Fighting For The Crown....

However, They Call For A Temporary Truce When They Become Intrigued In Alice, Whom They Perceive To Be A "Fabulous Monster"...

Alice Attempts To Hand Out A Tray Of "Looking-Glass Cake" But Alice Cuts It The Cake Keeps Making Itself Whole, Explaining To Alice That Looking Glass Cake Has To Be Past Around Before It Can Be Cut, She Passes It Around And It Finally Cuts...

However, When A Loud Drumming Sound Happens, Alice Goes To Investigate When Everyone Starts To Ignore Her...

Captured By The Red Knight, When The Drumming Stops, Alice Is Soon Rescued By The White Knight (Played By Lloyd Bridges) Who Sings The Next Song As He Takes Alice To The Eighth Square...

Leaving Alice At The Eighth Square, Alice Becomes A Queen As She Reunites With The Red And White Queens Who Invite Each Other To Alice's Dinner Party As They Have A Few Queenly Tests For Alice As We Get The Next 3 Songs From Them...

The First Song Is Good...

But The Other 2 Songs You Can Just Skip As They're Not As Good As That One...

Leaving The Red And White Queens When They Decide To Take A Nap, Alice Finally Arrives At Her Castle Where She Not Only Reunites With The Red And White Queens, But The Queen And King Of Hearts, The White Rabbit, The Mad Hatter, The March Hare And The Doormouse, Who Sing The Next Song...

But Despite Being Happy To See All Her Friends From Wonderland, All Alice Wants To Do Is Go Home, So, Giving Her A Present To Cheer Her Up...

Now, Do You Remember Last Time When I Talked About The Angry Video Game Nerd And How When He Talked About This Movie He Said That The Only Scary Scene With The Jabberwocky Was At The End Of The First Part?....

Well, When Alice Opens The Present, The Jabberwocky Pops Out Like A Stripper At A Bachelor Party And Starts Terrorizing Everyone In The Castle...

Now, For Some People This May Not Be Scary...

And If You're Not Scared, Great, I'm Amazed At How Brave You Are...

But To A Child, This Is Probably Scary!

And Even The White Knight Fails To Stop This Guy...

Running Through The Hall Of The Castle To Hide From The Jabberwocky, She Finds The Painting Of The Owl Who She Asks For Help Only For Him To Appear To Her And Remind Her That The Only Way The Jabberwocky Will Be Defeated Is By Acting Brave...

But Maybe Alice Won't Have To, As She Finds The Way Home Through A Mirror...

Then Again, I Lied, As The Jabberwocky Pops His Head Out Of The Mirror Like Jack Torrance Saying...

Seriously! This Isn't Scary?!? Cause I'd Sure Be Scared As A Kid!...

Anyway, This Leads Alice To Tell The Jabberwocky That He's Not Real And She Doesn't Believe In Him, Which Causes The Jabberwocky To Disappear In A Puff Of Smoke...

Passing Out In A Chair, Alice Is Woken Up By Her Mother Who Believes Alice Is Finally Old Enough To Join The Adults For Tea...

Very Happy, Alice Heads Upstairs To Change Only To Hear The Voices Of Her Friends From Wonderland And Looking-Glass Land, Who Appear To Alice Through The Mirror To Say Goodbye To Her Through Song...

And That Is The 1985 Version Of Alice In Wonderland And It's One Of My Favorite Versions Of The Story...

This Adaptation Is Nothing But Fun, As Enchanting Music And A Wonderful Cast (For The 80's) Gets Us Through The Story, If You're Looking For A Great Adaptation Of Alice In Wonderland, This One Will Give You What You're Looking For And More...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[haddonfieldproject]

<<PREVIOUS⏺<<CONTENTS>>

1.2.9 HALLOWEEN NIGHT/NOVEMBER 1st 5:13 AM

Warren County, Illinois

While that call did not succeed in waking up Kyndra and Zoey, the aforementioned Diego was woken up, however, by his co-worker Quinn, as he lay napping on a tattered sofa in the SuperFuel Deluxe's break room.

“Diego!”

Diego grunted.

“Diego, get up,” Quinn slapped him with a blue rag.

Diego sat up and rubbed his eye.

“Customers.” Quinn said.

Diego blinked awake. The TV was on. A man with fake looking blonde hair stood in front of a map coated with splotches of reds, oranges, and yellows.

“ Lightning strikes have been reported just about everywhere as this severe cell moves through Warren and Carpenter counties. Listen up if you are in the areas of Russelville, Haddonfield, Langdon, Tuckerville...you are under a Severe Thunderstorm Warning and Tornado Watch ‪until 7:45 am‬. Check out this picture someone posted on social media, that's softball sized hail folks...this reported by Zeke, a custodian working late ‪night tonight‬ at Smith's Grove High School, so be careful out there folks.”

Thunder struck and the lights in the shop momentarily dimmed. Customers, Diego thought, in this storm?

Diego stood up and stretched and then grabbed his Mountain Dew he had swiped from the coolers a few hours ago. Stepping into the shop, he sure enough saw some guy was talking to Quinn, standing next to an old-ass station wagon. The kind that had the wood panels on the side. The bottom was eaten away with rust. Diego was surprised the thing was even running at all, and one of the first things he noticed were the California plates. The lifeless remains of a tire lay snaked around a severely dented rim on the front passenger side. Must have hit a curb without even braking, he thought.

Quinn pulled a clipboard off the dark blue tool bench next to him and said, “We actually just had one of these die on us last week and it's back there in the yard. We can replace the tire and the rim and fix up those tie rods and struts in a jiff. You got really got lucky, because otherwise you'd be waiting at least two days for parts.”

The man's eyes grew wide, “Are you serious?! That's a miracle if I ever heard one.”

“I'll say,” Diego chimed in, “What year is this?”

“1989 Ford Country Squire” Jack Tate said proudly.

“Wow,” Diego laughed. “Quinn's right, we literally just got one of these in, the drive train fell apart in our hands, literally fell apart. But it was much more beat up than this.”

“You don't say!?” Jack put his hands on his hips.

“I couldn't help but recognize the California plates,” Diego motioned to the back of the car, dropping to one knee to examine the wheel well.

“Yep,” Jack said, rubbing his chin, “We're from a small town in Northern California, between San Jose and Sacramento. It's called Summer Glen.”

“Bet you don't get much snow there,” Diego said from under the car.

“Nope..but I bet you guys do.”

Diego appeared from under the lopsided tire with a smile, “Buckets,” he replied, “And it wreaks havoc on an undercarriage.”

“I bet it does” Jack replied.

Diego stood up and wiped his hands on his coveralls. “Well, not so much the snow,” he said, “it's the salt they salt the roads with. Eats the bottom of the car all up.”

“So what do you do?” Jack asked.

“Heated car wash,” Diego said, reaching out his hand to Quinn for the clipboard.

“I saw signs for those on the way in, all over the place up here,” Jack said, “But I saw signs but then it looked like empty parking lots.”

Quinn smiled and handed Diego the clipboard, “With steam coming up?”

“I didn't see any steam,” Jack replied.

“They're probably turned off right now.” Diego remarked, looking over the paper on the clipboard.

Quinn whistled, “Whew don't I know it. It's been hotter than a hippo with a hernia.”

“Hmmm,” Jack grunted in agreement, “Climate Change.”

Quinn hissed, “Hogwash! I don't believe that bullshit for a second.”

Jack quickly changed the subject, “Anyways—err--how do car washes help your car in the winter?”

Quinn nodded, “You drive over the jets and they hose off your undercarriage with heated water”

“That's fascinating,” Jack smiled.

“Well,” Diego sighed, “We have the parts already so we'll charge you a $90 restocking fee, that's mostly 'cuz Quinn here has to run out in the rain and slip the rim and tie-rods off the old car.”

“Aww man, that's cold,” Quinn exclaimed.

“Good news is,” Diego continued, “You really didn't tear her up all that much besides that, you knocked some things loose but we can tighten her up. The labor will cost you $400 easy,, being on the weekend now, and then $140 for the tire, $126 for the rim, taxes and disposal and you're still under a grand.”

“That's wonderful,” Jack said, placing his hands back on his hips.

“What brings you out here?” Quinn asked, “Especially in this storm.”

“My wife got a job out here, she ‪starts Monday‬ so we wanted to get out here as quick as we could....drove straight through.” Jack remarked.

“Wow,” Quinn breathed.

“I need those parts Quinn,” Diego remarked, opening the top of the tool bench and pulling out a socket wrench.

“Oh right!” Quinn smiled. He walked over to the far wall and grabbed a yellow rain coat which hung on a peg next to a Calendar, still on the month of October. A model in a bikini presided over the tenth month. “What job did your wife get out here?” He called from across the room.

“She's going to be the new Chief of Medicine at the hospital,” Jack replied, his eyes on Diego as Diego crouched back down toward the car.

“Oh she's gonna replace old man Mixter!” Quinn remarked.

Jack shrugged.

“Hurry Quinn, this guy said he's got places to be,” Diego said from under the car.

“Oh right,” Quinn said and stepped through the side door that led into a small foyer and eventually either out to the front parking lot or back into the lot.

“So your wife's a doctor eh,” Diego's voice came from under the car, “so what do you do?”

“Well I'm a doctor too,” Jack replied.

Diego emerged from the car holding a twisted piece of metal, “Really? What kind?”

“Well I'm a psychiatrist,” Jack said.

Diego slid back under the car, “A shrink huh?” He said, “You opening up an office here or something?”

“Well no,” Jack laughed, “I'm actually going to take some time off and write a book.”

Diego re-emerged with more twisted metal, “Cool,” he said, “What about?”

“Hypnosis,” Jack said matter-of-factly.

Diego cocked his head to one side, “Really? You do that shit?”

“Swear by it,” Jack replied.

There was an awkward moment of silence and then they both laughed.

🎃

Meanwhile, Ophelia Tate had purchased a small and incredibly over-priced pack of baby wipes and was giving herself the best attempt at a bath she could muster inside the surprisingly clean restroom of the SuperFuel Deluxe. After she finished, she sat on top of a toilet and took an opportunity to catch up on social media.

While she sat in the stall reading about “11 Celebrities That You Would Never Assume Were Gay”, her son Damon stepped into the Food Mart, and wiped his perfectly white sneakers on the welcome mat. An angry looking Indian man looked up as the door bells jingled and then went back to fiddling with some electronic device behind the counter. Damon's first thought was, Why does he keep all that bullet proof glass open?

He casually turned to his left, starting down an aisle chock full of every imaginable brand of potato chip or chocolate or fruity candy---browsing but not really browsing, more just wasting time. The aisle came to a dead-end at a wall of coolers full of soda and water and fruit juices. Damon stopped and caught himself staring at a row of YooHoos when he heard what sounded like a snickering to his left.

There was a small hallway to the left of the coolers, veering off next to an ATM machine. He stepped in front of the ATM machine and peered down the hallway, at once spotting the cause of the commotion. Three young boys were standing in the corner next to a door marked: UTILITY, NO TRESSPASSING. One was a freckled redheaded kid with shiny braces dressed as batman, another was a blonde haired blue eyed boy dressed like Darth Vader, and the last was a much younger looking kid with brown hair and brown eyes dressed like some kind of zombie. They were huddled together, their masks all hanging limply around their necks, crowded around a magazine featuring a hot blonde titled RED RABBIT. The cover-girl’s name was apparently Misty Dawn, and according to the cover caption, she was “Back and Ready for More Action”.

The boys caught sight of Damon and looked up startled. The freckled redhead kid's smile disappeared and his eyes grew narrow, “Hey!” He called, “What are you looking at?”

Damon was unfazed. “Looks like a couple of pervs to me,” he said, stepping toward them.

This apparently took them aback because they said nothing in retort.

“Seriously,” Damon said, pointing at the cover, “How old are you guys?”

Blonde Vader who held the magazine in his hand pressed it to his chest as if it were the most valuable thing on the earth and looked up at Damon with his mouth open. Little zombie boy took a step back. But BatFreckle was not amused. “Why don't you go Fuck Off!”

Damon frowned, “That's not very nice language. Is everyone in this town pervs like you?”

“Where are you---” little zombie started in but BatFreckle cut him off.

“Don't you know that Warren County is the home of the Rabbit-in-Red? What hole did you crawl out of freak-show?”

“Rabbit-in-what?” Damon asked and with lightning speed, snatched the magazine from Blonde Vader.

“Hey!” The wannabe Sith Lord exclaimed.

“Rabbit-In-Red Productions is the world's third largest manufacturer of pornographic media dipshit, and the company is based here in Warren County.” BatFreckle spat.

“So it is a county full of pervs,” Damon said, opening the magazine and thumbing through the pages.

“My dad said a local bunch of church folks fought Mr. Martini in court over decency laws so much, the legal fees drove the church out of business.” Blonde Vader said.

“Shi-yeah,” BatFreckle said, “That's why old man Taylor's up in his house on the hill crying like a pussy all the time.”

“Mr. Who?” Damon asked, closing the magaize and handing it back to Blonde Vader.

BatFreckle snatched it instead and flipped to the table of contents, pointing to a ‪small black‬ and white picture of a middle-aged overweight man. “Lou Martini. He's the CEO of Rabbit-in-Red nimrod, he owns half the county and is like, the richest man in Illinois outside of Chicago.”

“Where are you from?” Little zombie found his place to ask.

“My parents and I are moving here from California, we just got in tonight, got a flat tire.” Damon replied.

“California! That's cool!” Blonde Vader exclaimed.

BatFreckle rolled his eyes, “Beat it California!” He said, “We were just checking out Spitz' mom in this month's issue.”

He and Blonde Vader started laughing.

“That's not my mom!” Little zombie, who's name was obviously Spitz, whined.

“Don't lie, you know it's her!” BatFreckle teased.

Blonde Vader turned the page, and the centerfold fell out, revealing the cover-girl Misty Dawn laying on a bed of white fur naked except for a silver belly chain and and black stilettos. A paper fell out as well and fluttered almost magestically to the floor. Damon bent down and picked it up. It was a flier that featured another picture of the model. The headline read:

SEE COVER GIRL

MISTY DAWN

TUE-SUN

OCTOBER AND NOVEMBER

AT THE

RABBIT-IN-RED LOUNGE

IN

HADDONFIELD

“Look Spitz” BatFreckle said in jest, “You can see your mom's show tonight if you want.”

“It's not my mom!” Spitz whined again.

“Why don't you leave him alone?” Damon said.

“Why don't you suck my balls?” BatFreckle snapped.

“Chill out Lonnie!” Blonde Vader slapped BatFreckle's shoulder and then looked at Damon “Lonnie can be a douche sometimes, I'm Richie Marshall, this is Lonnie Elamb, and he's Spitz. Welcome to Haddonfield.”

Lonnie groused and leaned back against the wall, opening up the porn.

“Cool, my name is Damon.”

“How old are you?” Richie asked.

“17, you?”

“I just turned 12, Lonnie is 16 but he's still in 8th grade...he has to go to special classes at the Middle School.” Richie and Spitz cackled.

“I have dyslexia fuck face!” Lonnie said, throwing the RED RABBIT at his friend.

“I'm 8,” Spitz said proudly.

“What are you doing out of the house at this time of night?” Damon asked, picking up the magazine from the floor and handing it back to Richie.

“Lonnie has his drivers license now, and I just snuck out of my house.” Richie said.

“What about you?” Damon asked, turning toward Spitz.

“His mom's a whore so she leaves him alone to go out fucking for quarters!” Lonnie called.

“Stop it Lonnie! She is not!” Spitz cried.

Damon ignored him and Spitz continued, “My mom works late nights at Jamie Lee's Diner, she doesn't get home till morning. My grandma watches me but she fell asleep and I...I snuck out too.”

“We just ate there coming in,” Damon said smiling.

“My mom is Taylor,” Spitz said.

“She was our waitress.” Damon replied.

“His mom's a slut!” Lonnie called.

Spitz started to whine but Damon put an arm around him, “Why do you hang out with this asshole? Is there anything else to do in this place than look at naked chicks?”

“There's an arcade in the driver's lounge, but I don't have any quarters.” Spitz said.

“Come on,” Damon said, “Show me where it is.”

Richie tossed Lonnie the magazine to followed Damon and Spitz. Lonnie caught it, rolling his eyes, he was perfectly happy right there looking at boobs.

🎃

Damon stepped into the shop area of the SuperFuel Deluxe and shook off the rain. There he saw his dad sitting on a folding chair listening, as another man held a lamp under their family station wagon from the Jurassic era. A third man was under the car working. The man holding the lamp was droning on and on about baseball. Damon didn't really care for baseball, or any sports for that matter.

“And then the Sox brought in their reliever, that guy Stroop, and he just completely fell apart. He hit two batters and walked another, and before you knew it the bases were loaded.” Quinn was saying.

Damon walked up to his dad. “Is that so---” Jack replied, but was startled when Damon tapped him on the shoulder.

“What is it son? You're not supposed to be back here.” Jack looked up at Damon.

“There's an arcade inside and I was wondering if you had any change on you?” Damon asked.

Jack leaned to one side and pulled his wallet out, withdrawing a 20 dollar bill. “Can they make change?” He asked.

“There's a change machine,” Damon said flatly, taking the money.

“You can play all of that, what the hell, it's been a long few days,” Jack said smiling.

Damon stuffed the twenty in his front pocket and turned, “Thanks,” he said.

“Tell your mom I'm in here,” Jack called after him.

“Haven't seen her,” Damon said as he walked out, without turning.

Quinn started up again, “So you know that big Dominican for the Cubs, Agu...Agu...something.”

“Aguilar,” Diego called from under the car.

“Yeah, Aguilar,” Quinn corrected himself. “Well he steps up to the plate and first pitch...bam!”

NEXT>>

[iapetusneume]

There was a tornado warning at 3:45 this morning. We were advised to take shelter, so we did. Not everyone in the house was happy with being woken up.

And, like, I wasn't either? Of course I don't want to be up when i had been sleeping. I don't want to run and get the animals and be ready for a tornado to maybe hit.

Someone messaged me this morning showing that a tornado warning does not mean a tornado.

And I'm like

Ok, but I grew up always taking shelter when there was a tornado warning? And it's not like there have been many tornado warnings in Philly since I moved here.

The person also grew up in an area that had tornados a lot more than here and was mad I woke them up. That I did for no reason.

And now I honestly want to cry because I'm pretty sure they're trying to get me to apologize and I was just trying to protect them?

It's not like I woke them up for a tornado watch. We were told to seek shelter.

I just... I don't know.

Yeah, it's true that every time I've taken shelter a tornado has not struck the building I was in. But the reason we train people to take cover is so when it does, it can protect them. Most people will never experience one. But what good is it if you have protections and no one ever uses them because it never happened to them?