#i don't want to TALK Dammit
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Some vent writing because work decided to turn up on its head the last two days
Not done, just taking a break so my wrist stops being numb.
#might come back and reblog later eith the rest when im done#if i dont break for the night and this ends here#could go either way#just wanted somewhere safe to throw this where i don't get dragged into a conversation#i don't want to TALK Dammit#how i deal with my shit is writing#let me write and i can get myself through it until I'm stable enough again#stop insisting i talk about it#I'm not good at talking anyway#my speech has been going downhill all year. i don't feel like talking a lot#i just#this is a vent post#feel free to ignore it#i just need an outlet and writing is my biggest one besides escapism. and that's not exactly the best option if i need to job search#so here#my posting behaviour shouldn't differ too much#it never really does with my moods#hyperfixations. yes. moods. not so much
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what WERE tim and kon doing in that closet together that made kon have to get dressed afterwards anyway? wrong answers only. i'll start i think they were playing two person strip poker but tim cheated like a motherfucker. actually wait that doesn't make this sound any less gay. um. hold on. there's gotta be something. um
#rimi talks#this was gonna be a bit but that actually doesn't sound any less gay than gay sex. okay. well#let me try again. um......#like there's the boring option (kon was changing out of a hospital gown and... tim was there too... for some reason...)#that STILL sounds gay god dammit#had the thought maybe tim just wanted kon to strip for a minute to verify he really wasn't hurt? BUT THAT ALSO IS STILL GAY.#graduation day is certainly a comic that exists but truly the closet bit is so .#winick you mad bastard etc#like i don't Actually think they fucked in there in terms of how i see their relationship progression in any canon adjacent context#but my GOD is it funny. sfhksfklsfgj#timkon#tim#kon
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I want a Dead Boy Detectives rewrite fic, except Edwin and Charles have been dating for about 20 years, but absolutely nobody can tell, and every damn chapter they have to explain that Yes, we are dating, No, this isn't a new thing, catch up.
#like not even niko catches on at first#jenny does though#she meets the boys and she's immediately like “oh ok”#speaking of#i want more jenny interactions with the boys#they deserve bitchy goth big sister too god dammit#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland#charles rowland x edwin payne#shit talker talks#Cat King : Do you have a special friendship?#Edwin : I like to think it's a little more complex than thag but okay#Niko : You do know two boys can like-like each other right?#Edwin : Why does everyone assume I don't know about gay people????
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The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup
#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post#because that shit is EVERYWHERE#LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT#''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06)#''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10)#''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02)#''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08)#''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08)#''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!''#(4x11)#Literally just the shit off of the top of my head#and then. And then that in contrast with#''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS#You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man#Hello#Where am I#I'm dying. I'm dying#Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever....#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Sandy#lmk Mei#lmk Pigsy#lmk Tang#OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08)#AND#''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04)#Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right#what. ever.
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Why is it that every damn time I think of a new story, it's always about Sukuna?! I think of a certain plot line for a certain character and somehow I'm tweaking it in my head so it would fit him. And oh, I hear a song and the lyrics are epic? It's Sukuna. AGAIN! And don't get me started about how I've got like a zillion WIPs in a whole ass folder all dedicated to him.
#he's been twerking like goddamn leprechaun in my head#i need help but i don't want help#the many roles he plays in my life#like dude you're all i talk about to everyone#everything is a sukuna word vomit trigger in my world#i can talk all day every day 24/7 365 about him and it wouldn't even be enough#it doesn't help that my moots and readers are all rooting for him right now#god fucking dammit#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#brainrot#jujutsu kaisen
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#submission by twig-gy#submissions arent working for some reason so i gotta do it manually apologies#also i realized the person who submitted this has the exact same pfp as what i use for Heart#completely accidental lol i just found the photo on Pinterest#anyways the tags i originally added before tumblr broke my submissions#chonny jash#cj heart#cj soul#submission#i don't care if your bones are broken play pool with me dammit#heart is lying btw he just wanted to talk to someone he's just bored#soul has to deal with this on a daily basis#he does not care at this point
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I'm fucking vibrating I'm so excited for this thing I'm writing and @puppy-steve has been the best goddamn sounding board and idea haver (I know there's gotta be a better way to phrase that but it's 1:45 am and my ass should have been asleep at least an hour ago lmao.)
I'm so fucking excited, y'all.
#I just wanna scream about it but I also don't want to talk about it too much and lose the zeal#WE'RE AT OVER 2K WORDS ADDED TO IT TONIGHT AHHHHH#I would keep writing but I REALLY DO NEED TO SLEEP I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING DAMMIT#CJ Ur the best thank you for also giving me the brain rot
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Thinking about my life right now trying to find the will to write music for my degree, but realizing I would much rather be a writer instead of a composer right now.
Fuck. What do I do.
#me#ramble#I'm halfway through a music masters#but fuck I just don't know what to write anymore#all I want to write are stories#I love writing stories and creating characters and talking about them#I'm working towards becoming a professor of music but god dammit I really just want to write words now#fuuuuuuuuuuck#MY GOAL IS TO GET A PHD BUT HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT IF I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH ONE MORE YEAR OF MASTERS#anyways don't mind me. I'm gonna go work on Lazlow or Just One Yesterday now
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The dawning and unfathomable horror of looking around realizing... Well I haven't really done much have I?
#monster noises#i have to wonder if this general lack of substantive experiences contributes#to my overall feeling of lacking humanity or personhood#i'd bet it probably does#i'd also bet this would be the kond of thing that would prompt most people#to get up and chnage things#to rally against the dull restricted confines of their life and take risks and build experience and become fulfilled#evolve from the gasping undead husk they felt themselves to be#it would inspire them to stop wasting their precious precious time and Live Dammit#but me? the way I am? the very nature of my flaws as a semi-human entity?#i think all i will do is Succumb#shrink down until i am truly a vacuous nothing and wish that things were different#that they could be any other way than what they are#but they won't be#i don't think they can be#you can want all you want but in order to get you have to do#and frankly there is not room in my life for much doing#aside from whatever gets me to tomorrow#miserable but inevitable tomorrow#why am I talk like this what is this tone#i mean this genuinely is just what my thoughts sound like but the fact i'm reading Anne Rice rn has Got to be a contributing factor
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Friendly reminder that being queer/LGBT ally/jewish/pro-semitism isn't, can't and shouldn't be used to justify and support ethnic cleansing, colonization and genocide. If you do think so then I don't want you to talk to me ever again 👉🚪
#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#free palestine#“BUT IF YOU LIVED THERE THEY'D KILL YOU” bitch people from my own country would rather see me dead for existing too#just because minorities are oppressed by their governments doesn't mean the citizens deserve to die#they're just weaponizing people sexualities and you are buying into their “noble” reasoning#“it is a war not a genocide” isn't it weird that the only side that is being censored for speaking about what's happening to them#are the Palestinians?#in pro palestine protests people don't yell death to Israel they yell they want freedom and ceasefire#if you think “from the river to the sea palestine will be free” is somehow the same as a (death) threat the problem is on you#and yes you can question Israel without being antisemitic. People can be jew and/or queer and be against them#this dehumanization shouldn't be answered with indifference or “they deserved it lol” BIG FUCK YOU#not sorry if this is how you find out what side I'm with. If talking about this makes you uncomfortable or offended feel free to unfollow m#tener que decir algo que debería ser universal y de sentido común me toca mucho los huevos#when I say I prefer to be drama free I mean about fandom discourse. Never about war crimes and violation of human rights#“if they don't want to get bombed just leave” THAT'S NOT THE SOLUTION THEY DESERVE TO LIVE IN THEIR LAND WITHOUT GETTING ATTACKED FOR IT#god dammit#I'll be back to being silly later but first I wanted to get this out of my chest#🍉
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why is it that when I'm trying to find that specific post that perfectly describes the things that are overstimulating me rn, 90% of the things that pop up are FANFICTIONS ABT SMUT. LIKE. MAN. THIS ISN'T HELPING. I DON'T WANT TO READ AN X READER FIC. please for the love of god if I see one more fic or notif I'm going to turn my phone on do not disturb for a million more years
#LIKE GOD FUCKING DAMMIT 😭😭#AND THEY NEVER USE THE SMUT TAG.#SO I CAN'T EVEN FILTER IT OUT.#I HATE IT HEREEEEEEE#in all seriousness I'm just#I'm so overwhelmed. there's so much stuff happening#AND I WANT TO RESPOND TO THE PERSON WHO'S TEXTING ME#I DO#THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT SOME REALLY COOL STUFF#BUT WHENEVER I SEE THE NOTIFICATION POP UP MY HEART RATE SPIKES#AND I FEEL AN OBLIGATION TO RESPOND LIKE A TICKING TIMER#LIKE IF I DON'T RESPOND WITHIN A PERIOD OF TIME THEY'RE GONNA HATE ME FOREVER 😭#aeughghgh#fuck me man#i hate this#I HATE IT HERE#overstimulated#overstim#AHHUGH EVEN MY TAGS HAVE SMUT IN THEM#Worm Thoughts#PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. ;-;
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I just wanna talk to the people that make Takaaki a bad father. I just wanna talk.
#Just wanna have a nice chat#A nice friendly chat...#Like. I don't think he was the world's best father. But he's definitely not a terrible one either#He loves Taka and will be supportive of his son. He just doesn't say much because he struggles with his words of affection#Sometimes he neglects Taka because of work. But God dammit he loves that kid so fucking much and he hates himself–#–for having to not pay much attention to Taka because of work and having limited time with Taka#And fucking dammit he's just so proud of his boy! He wishes he could tell Taka that everyday#Just a simple “I love you and I'm so proud of you.”#THAT'S ALL HE WANTS TO SAY!!! BUT HE CAN'T BECAUSE HE JUST CAN NEVER FIND THE TIME#HE RARELY SEES HIS BOY AND IT HURTS HIM!!!#AND WHEN SAID BOY IS TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM HE ABSOLUTELY GOES CRAZY!!! AND THAT'S WHAT I WANT!#AHHHHH!!!#sam's talky talks#Sorry for the rambling in tags. Don't know what got over me#danganronpa#takaaki ishimaru#kiyotaka ishimaru#ishimaru family
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fate is tempting me, i see... but still...
#la junk talks#detco posting#in a way#daMMIT I JUST GOT NEW MERCH!!!!#THIS IS A CRIME AGAINST ME!!! THE KEYCHAINS ARE OUT TO GET ME!!!#I'M SO HERE FOR SILLY AND LAME KAITO#my wallet is crying already don'T DO THIS TO ME i'M a tortured soul#fck official manga merch they are OUT TO GET ME#FIRST THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY MERCH (that i'M still longingly staring at) THEN THIS???#AWFUL TRULY AWFUL#also yeah i love abe takaya and this particular phrase was too funny#i like it as a reaction meme SUE ME#but it fits he tries so hard#i must also try hard (as a rock)#fck i also want one of the standees so bad... TRULY AWFUL#but mostly the KEYHOLDERS CUTE AS FCK
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Morning rambles...
#i shouldn't miss you but I do#why is it that I can remember so many conversations#yet you don't believe me when I say I don't hate you#10 years we've known each other#yet I'm nothing more than a stranger to you now#if we meet again#and I really believe we will#I want to show you I'm not that teenage girl anymore#I'm a young woman and deserve to be treated like such#talk to me#don't hide behind the Bible#let me see your heart#tell me how you feel dammit#I'm tired of pouring my heart to you#and getting paid in dust#I'm not your student anymore#quit trying to lecture me#I'm not perfect#I know I'm messy#but I loved you unconditionally#why won't you do the same?
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-. and some more about jiang cheng, he really just does... not win. like, i mean, sure it doesn't get worse i guess, because at the very least the story gets some kind of resolution, but the story is a resolution for wei wuxian, jiang cheng is and remains a secondary character.
he doesn't have villain to unmask and a mystery to solve and a love interest to finally get together with.
i'm not insinuating he needs any of those things, but he also doesn't really get a lot, unless my memory betrays me, other than being 'forced' to realize that his vengeance towards wei wuxian is misguided and misplaced - even though it's completely understandable that he'd feel this way towards him at all, considering, WELL, IYKYK.
he has a future to build, that is true, a nephew to perhaps raise a little gentler as the story goes on, but his prospects aren't as dreamy as, again, wei wuxian's. and maybe jiang cheng doesn't need all of that to be happy, or at least content, or start on a proper path of healing, but isn't it still relatively maddening for him that wei wuxian yet again seems to be simply... more deserving than he is?
sure, that'd be an odd thing to hold onto all the way from his teen years, especially considering what wei wuxian is put through, but things do stick with you, you know?
jiang cheng is by no means fragile, okay, but... he's a good man too, at the end of the day, at the bottom of his heart. doesn't he deserve a lil tenderness 🥺 a little winding down 🥺 a little no more having to fulfill expectations or live according to what is needed in an heir, in a brother, in a figure of authority 🥺
#the grudge;about#gosh i'm tipsy i don't know i'm just feeling a lot about him right now it's stupid#FOR SOMEONE TO PRIORITIZE HIM TO MAKE HIM THE MOST IMPORTANT#FOR HIM TO BE THE FIRST PERSON SOMEONE WANTS TO CHECK ON#TO BE SOMEONE'S 'FAVOURITE' OR 'FIRST CHOICE' IN ANY WAY---#gosh he is killing me#i wanna add him officially to mythvoiced but i'm too numb to fill out an about doc lmao#i mean i'm still gonna do it bc that's life baby but i'm SOOO... BIG SIGH#LIDRGJKLSNGFG it's just a google docs page to throw some words onto at the end of the day like#talk about first world problems like god fucking dammit#i don't often get that thing of 'what am i even doing here' when it comes to dumblr#bc it's just... dumblr. it's silly ol' dumblr it's just rp it's just writing#there's no harm in it so what does it matter what i am doing here it's just for fun#it's a fun thing it's a lil hobby it's just a thing it's a thing#so it was weird when it hit me just now the 'what am i even doing here'#but maybe i'm having a bad night SO MORE JIANG CHENG THOUGHTS~
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The depression is really really really bad so I'm sorry if I super ghost y'all
I'm just having a hard time wanting to do anything but rot in bed
#all I wanna do is lay down n sleep :(#5 days until Christmas and my sister still hasn't talked to me :)🔫#I fucking hate the holidays I'm such a fucking grinchy Scrooge now#Christmas used to be my favorite now it's just a reminder of the family I don't have#I wanna die so badly I keep crying out but nobody's listening#my dad is completely incapable of comforting me emotionally#when someone you depended on most of your life changes....it's the definition of shell shocked#now I'm alone with no one to take care of me I need someone to take care of me#I'm just a stupid lil kid stuck in a growing body and nobody cares about me anymore cus I'm a stupid adult#I wish I wasn't so afraid of death and hell so I could just kill myself#I am convinced that I was supposed to die in highschool cus that's when people would've cared#if I kill my self now it's just a mess and a burden to my family#...I just sent an email to my mother who I haven't talked to since I cut her off#I might get arrested for what I said but if the cops come I'll just spook them so they shoot me#dammit I guess she doesn't have that email anymore i really wanted to lay into her
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