#i don't wanna STOP doing friend shit just because of romance :(

[houseofwolvess]

i wish romance wasn't so hard to understand. how the fuck do i even tell these things apart

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

merrily we fall out of line

(over-)protective!bestfriend!könig x reader (gn!pronouns) sfw MDNI slight age gap (reader mid to end 20s, könig early to mid 30s), grumpy x sunshine, (best) friends, mutual pining, (thus a bit) angsty; mentions of cheating (not between them), non-descriptive violence (dito) a/n: my first 'you'-reader fic (instead of the usual POVs i do), be gentle :')

You like König, he’s an old friend of yours, gone for months at a time, but when he is back home, you meet up, talking – well, you are talking more than him, the giant listening to you stoically – just spending time together. As friends, and that’s fine. It’s fine, really.

He has never shown the same interest in you, you’re always friendly with each other, but it is toned-down. Platonic.

So you get together with someone else. You tell König all about it – your new partner and how you met them – when he returns from his latest mission and his reaction tells you that you were right. He doesn’t really say anything, stoic and calm like always. Asking you some more questions. If you are happy in the relationship. Nothing less, but also nothing more.

König even meets the s/o and he’s trying to keep it together, because – obviously you would have never gone for him, he's too intimidating, too old, too closed off for you. At least that’s what he’s telling himself.

But still. The hot raging jealousy he feels as he watches you being touched by your new partner makes him almost see red. It's his own goddamn fault, he should have said something, anything, in all those years, all those moments you spent together, but he never did. Now he only has himself to blame.

He excuses himself from the situation, not able to stay any long, not able to watch the two of you any longer. Leaving, not without whispering a threat to the partner ("be good to them or else") while shaking their hand, and not without squeezing your arm softly one last time, because to get over you he has to stay away.

But König isn’t really able to stay away, still obsessed with you, still keeping an eye out for you, like he did so far. You on the other hand see much less of him, even when he's on leave, as he tries to respect your boundaries.

Can't say the same for your new partner, who rubbed him the wrong way when they first met. And when he follows them one day and catches them cheating on you... on you! The nerve.

He barely can hold himself back as he confronts them, but he remembers you, and he wouldn't want you to see him as a monster, so he stops himself from beating the shit out of them. He seethes: “Leave them or I will take them from you.”

And your partner ruefully breaks up with you, telling you everything except that they were caught by König. It hasn’t been a long relationship, but still, this feels shitty, obviously, tears streaming down your cheeks and sobs shaking you as you call the one person you trust most.

And of course, König comes over, he’s there to pick up the pieces, still convinced that you don't see him the same way he sees you.

He spends the whole evening with you, watching sappy romance movies and eating ice cream, the grumpy big man on the edge of the couch, trying to hide his bruised knuckles. Trying not to come too close and give you your space, but the furniture isn’t big enough for the two of you. Well, for him anyways.

He’s staying because you said you didn't wanna be alone. Honestly, he is a little unsure what to do because you just can't seem to stop crying and he hates to see you like that.

And then he makes an off-hand comment about one of the protagonists of the romance movie you're currently watching, and a sobbing laugh breaks through your sad grimace.

After that all he tries is to make you laugh until you shake with laughter, begging him to stop, your hands holding your tummy, because your stomach hurts.

“Please, I can’t.”, you roar, hiding your face on his shoulder, your tears staining the shirt he's wearing. Wiping the ones away that still wet your cheeks, looking up at him and giving him the first real smile this whole evening.

And he smiles back, a rare occasion.

But then he tells you that he has to go. You ignore the pit in your stomach, the corners of your mouth turning down, before he quips: "If you ever need a shoulder to laugh on, just call me." which makes you laugh again.

"Thank you.", you tell him and before you can think too hard about it, you stretch up and press a small, chaste peck to his cheek.

Only in this moment he turns to you, so it doesn't land on his cheek, but rather on his lips.

His whole world topples upside down when you kiss him, your mouths touching for just a moment, and he rears back, in total shock and awe, not sure what to do now. The one part of him is screaming at him to kiss you back, to grab you, to finally make you his, all the reasons why he shouldn't forgotten about. The other part is trying to be reasonable, especially now after your break-up, just needing a friend, and not.... him.

"I- I'm sorry.", you say when he just sits there, looking at you all dumbfounded. He would have been less surprised if you smacked him across the face.

He shakes his head. "No, don't apologize. I-", he stammers, his words breaking off, and your hand landing on his thigh pulls him from his thoughts.

“König-“

He shoots up, standing up straight, his tall stature towering over you. "I have to go.”, he says, heading to the door and you can feel disappointment seep into you.

"You don't have to go.", you say, following him. It almost seems like he’s running away from this.

He shakes his head again, and when he looks at you, you can't decipher the emotions in his eyes. "I do.", he says, and then he's out the door.

You just stand there in your shitty oversized shirt that you only ever wear at home when nobody else is here, your face swollen from all the crying. All alone again, the apartment silent except for the soft noises and the romantic music from the tv.

Stupid, stupid thinking that he might like you, stupid wasting the first kiss between you two like that, but... it also wasn't intentional. It was an accident. You didn’t mean to kiss him like that. But his lips felt so soft… Their softness and the softness of his gaze in contrast to his tall, muscled stature, his stern features and stoic nature.

You sigh, traipsing back to the couch, letting yourself fall into the cushions, feeling tears prick in the corners of your eyes, burying yourself in the plush. Being left is hard, and being rejected by the man you just can't stop thinking about.... the same day. Fuck.

You groan, hiding your face in a cushion, when there is a knock on your door. Heavy and impatient. You raise your head, your hands wiping away the wetness on your cheeks.

Knock-knock.

The knocking again. You get up from the couch, taking a few hesitant steps towards the door. It must be him. Opening it, and König’s figure fills the whole frame. Looking down at you while you look up at him.

He sees your teary eyes and curses. Something in Austrian German that you don’t understand. The words sound funny, not matching the expression on his face. The frown pulling the sides of his mouth down, the brows furrowed.

“Wanna come in again?”, you ask him, your voice steadier than you feel right now, gesturing into the flat. He does, and you take a step back to let him pass, closing the door behind him.

He makes one full circle across your carpet before he just stands there, swaying from one foot to the other. Seeming anxious, something that happens to him, albeit not so often with you, so you just give him a moment.

“I’m just…” He sighs, deeply. His gaze panning up from the floor to you, and suddenly you irrationally wish you put on some other clothes, before he speaks again.

“That was my first kiss, okay?”, he admits, and your jaw drops. His… first… kiss? But… That can’t be! Not at his age. I mean, you never saw him with anybody, but surely, he must’ve – must have – had his share of partners. At least one?

“Don’t look at me like that.”, he says, a heavy blush colouring his cheeks.

You avert your eyes for just a moment, but they find their way back to his. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that you never, uh…”, you try to find the right words.

The muscle in his jaw jumps, a sign that he’s tense. “I did stuff with people before, I’m not a-” He hesitates for a second. “Not a virgin or anything. I just never kissed anybody.”, he swallows. “Before.”

“Oh, I see.”, you say, unsure what else to say. Completely floored by this information.

“I just…”, he starts again. “Most other people only see me with the mask, I… almost never take it off, also during… that, and kissing through the mask would be weird, so yeah.” He rushes through the last sentence like he just had to get the words out.

Moments of silence passing by as you try to collect your thoughts. “I didn’t mean to, you know. Kiss you, on the lips.”, you finally say, your voice sounding a little hoarse. “Didn’t want to take that moment from you. That first time.” You clear your throat, tangling your fingers with each other, fidgeting. “Sorry.”

His eyes widen, slight shock spreading on his face. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like-“

Fuck, this isn’t going how he wanted it to. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back, just let you be. But the look on your face, your gentle plead as he basically ran away, the need to explain this situation, made him turn around again as soon as he stood outside your apartment building.

He takes a step in your direction, his hands shooting out in your direction, almost touching you, before they drop to his sides again. His body is so close to yours, you can feel the warmth radiating off him, just like before when you were sitting on the couch.

You look up at him, tilting your head back. Meeting his eyes, the familiarity of them calming you. And there it is again. That look on your face that makes him wanna grab you, hold you and never let go.

“I imagined for so long what it would be like to kiss somebody.”, he says, quietly. “I imagined what it would be like to kiss you. I just wasn’t… prepared.”

He… what? Tingles erupt in your stomach, making you feel lighter, your mouth dropping open, soundlessly gasping for air, at his confession.

“I didn’t wanna make you cry or anything, but I didn’t wanna, you know, with the whole… break-up and…” He looks down to his feet, sighing. Not saying the thing about ‘Him being him’.

“I thought it’d just be better.” He sighs again. “Better if I go.”

The stupid, stupid feeling of hope fills you at his words which makes you put it all on one card.

“You wanna try it again? The kissing?”, you whisper, taking a step forward, coming a bit closer.

His eyes jump to yours, the brows pulled up in surprise. After a moment, he nods. “Yes.” But he is not moving an inch. The tall man, frozen in place. Looking at you, hesitating, wanting to kiss you so badly, just the tiniest bit afraid to do it wrong.

You lean in, craning your neck. Your hand landing on his chest, firm and warm underneath your fingertips, steadying yourself and getting on your tiptoes.

His breath hits your face a moment before your lips press against his. Pulling him from his frozen state. He leans down, meeting your touch, his arms are closing around you, holding you closer to his body. A soft hum rising up his throat as he answers the kiss.

The gentle brush of his mouth against yours getting a little needier with every passing second, exploring you. So much softer than he had expected. The short peck you accidentally gave him before not coming close to this feeling now.

You stretch up, your arms coming around the nape of his neck. Needing him closer, pulling him down to you. Sighing into the kiss, your mouth dropping open a little bit.

His tongue brushes against yours, his hand gently holding the side of your face, his thumb brushing your cheek. You’re leaning into his palm, tilting your head, opening up to deepen the kiss until the two of you are making out.

Bittersweet, warm. Tasting just like you imagined him to. And a hint of the icecream you shared.

If he didn’t just tell you that he never kissed anyone before, you would have never guessed. Taking his time, slowly, oh so slowly. Maybe a little bit hesitant, but the way his lips brush against yours, the way his tongue is stroking against yours...

A pang of need is spreading down your body, the tingle remaining low in your belly, and he swallows up the sounds you make, not stopping to explore you, and you answer every single one of his touches. Both of you not coming up for air, breathing each other in.

He lifts you up, and you don’t still break the kiss as he carries you over to the couch. Lying down on the furniture, your front against his as you prop yourself up, not willing to leave the kiss. Pressing your lips against his, over and over again, wondering how you could ever stop doing that. Wondering how you never did that before.

“I’m glad we accidentally kissed.”, you say, mumbling the words against his lips.

He laughs a little, a light sound. “Me too.”, he simply says, cradling your face, deepening the kiss again. Something that makes you feel restless in the best way possible.

It feels so new and yet familiar, the way your smaller frame fits against his. He always thought that you are so tiny compared to him, when in reality you are not tiny at all, he is just that big, filling up the whole couch, so the only space for you is on top of him. He doesn't mind at all and you don't either.

Quite the contrary as you lay your head on his chest. Hearing his heartbeat, feeling it against your cheek, still a little faster than it should be. Because kissing you did that to him.

You’re melting into his body, the warmth of his embrace as his big arms hug you. Yawning a little bit, which makes him chuckle.

“Tired?”, he asks.

“Just a little.” Another yawn.

“That’s okay.”, he says, stroking over your hair. Kissing you on the forehead, a small, sweet peck. “Just sleep, Schatz.”

His cheek against the top of your head, his proximity, his familiar scent and the knowledge that you had been wrong – he did indeed like you just the way you like him – makes you forget about all the other shit that happened today as you drift off to sleep, his steady and calm breathing and the soft voices on the tv lulling you to sleep.

Masterlist for all my könig fics <3

[bloggingboutburgers]

this past week my qpp of almost two years broke up with me. and i know for you, you said you wouldn't necessarily feel heartbroken if your qpr came to an end, but for me, it felt more heartbreaking than some of my past romantic breakups. this whole thing made me wonder if maybe im not queerplatonic or aro enough to be in a qpr, or if id ever want to be in a qpr again. but seeing you post about your qpr gives me hope that queerplatonic love is something that i can experience fully. so thank you for always sharing your story, because that's what's helping me heal right now <3

Aah, to be perfectly honest, as much as I sorta "downplay" it compared to what it must feel for people who experience romantic attraction... I've had a time where I almost felt like I couldn't go on with my QPP as well and the sheer thought of it was really hard to bear too, so my words here aren't necessarily being very fair to the reality of things.

It was during the travel ban of March 2020 to November 2021 where citizens of my country and others weren't allowed to enter the US unless we spent 15 days in a country that wasn't banned. It made it much harder than usual to visit my partner and as it was nearing 2 years with nobody aware it was going on anymore and US people more concerned about whether they'd be able to have turkey for Thanksgiving, my hope was running really thin. So for a few days in mid-October, as I was at rock bottom, I was starting to write in passing to my partner about how maybe going on wasn't worth it because the separation was too hard on us, it wasn't showing signs of stopping, and the whole thing maybe wasn't worth the pain if they could live their life happily and not have to worry about me who couldn't visit.

And then we videocalled at some point, and when they tearfully told me that even if it did end then and there, they wanted me to keep the promise ring they'd recently given me, I suddenly felt a quiet rage in me going like "No. Fuck this. Look at them. I love them. And I love this too much to allow some cruel governmental decision to end it. If it ever ends, it'll be because WE want it to end. Not because of shit like this."

...I'm making it sound super dramatic but yeah long story short this is also a big reason why we're planning to get married. So that when the US government decides to put a ban on countries including mine again, they can't stop us from vibing together this time.

I guess... I still don't wanna 100% assume we'll be together forever because I don't wanna trap them in a situation they may no longer feel happy in. We're doing great now, but I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe someday they'll get sick of me (they say they never will and that'd be dope if they never did, but never say never and all), or we'll both just want other things, and if it ends like that, then... Yeah, that'd be alright. Much more alright than the way it almost ended.

(...Oh, and for the record, if a friendship of mine ended abruptly, or if my brothers stopped being on good terms with me, I'm pretty sure I'd be just as heartbroken, to be fair. And it'd feel like my reality was collapsing a little. I guess anything ending, any human connection ending, has that effect to a degree, if it's important enough, after all.)

Though describing things like that does make it a bit harder to define what makes it "queerplatonic" as opposed to "romantic", I still... Just have that feeling in my gut that it isn't romance, y'know? It's kinda... A mix between being close friends and being an old married couple without ever having gone through the grandiose passion-honeymoon phase. Maybe that phase IS what defines romance per se. I don't know. Maybe someday I'll find more answers, but it's kinda hard to find answers when you have no idea how romance works to begin with I guess 🙈

In any case... Sorry if I caused any confusion or if I made you question your validity. The thing is pretty simple to be honest: if you feel you're aro, you're veeeeeery likely to BE aro. Because nobody can make that call but you and nobody can name the relationships you have but you. And if amongst everything you even FOUND the words "aro" or "queerplatonic" in a world where those identities and types of relationships are so aggressively hidden or erased, then it's gotta stand for something.

...I guess at the very least THIS I can be certain of TwT Sorry I'm a bit messy about all of this myself, I'm still also going on about it trying to figure it out day by day, but I owed it to you and everyone to be honest. These things are hard to define and I hope to keep finding better and better words to do so someday. TwT

[sanspuppet]

GENRE: fluff, smut w a lot of romance (?)

PAIRING: Heesung x afab! reader

W/T: university au, lil bit of jealousy, unprotected sex, biting, swearing, pet name (princess)

A/O: i know that Hee doesn’t have much to do with my blog but this is the ff i wrote for my bestie and i’m just gonna post it so yeah, remember that i’m a multi-stan so i write for many other groups apart from ateez

enjoy <3

———

"come on! it'll be fun!" Jeongin tries to encourage you, his hands begging at your pissed expression because of his hundredth attempt to invite you at his party.

"i don't want to! i don't know anyone of your friends" you reply back with a sharp tone, it’s almost a week that he keeps asking you to come, and he can’t comprehend that you have no intention to go.

"Oh yeah! there's one: Heesung! that guy from class 3B" he winks at you with a smirk already trailing on his face.

"Another reason not to go there!" you quiver, body stiffening the same second he pronounces his name. Actually, if there’s Lee Heesung too, you could think about it a couple times and accept. Through all, he’s the finest man at your university, no doubts he’s your secret crush, well not that secret because it seems that Jeongin has already found out.

"But it's a good opportunity to talk to him!" his voice booms inside the classroom, all of your classmates turn back to look at you, your professor violently slams his palm on the desk: "You two! Better keep those mouths closed during my classes!" you hush a quick "excuse us" before turning back to focus on algebra.

Hours later, when the last school bell rang, you leave the university, arm crossed while walking down the street, with Heesung's smile pictured in your mind and dangerously lost in yourself while fantasizing about him. The stoplight turns red, which unfortunately you don’t pay attention to, you’re about to cross the road when someone thoughtfully grabs your waist, fingertips gripping at your skin, trying to stop you. Your heart flutters intensely, goosebumps on your body as you hear a familiar voice beginning: "you should pay more attention while walking" oh no, you perfectly recognize that voice, sweet but at the same time extremely attractive, you can’t help but turning your face to look at him, panic already flowing into your body. "U-uhm... sorry" Heesung smiles for a millisecond before turning back to his serious expression: "you don't have to be sorry, just wanted to warn you darling" maybe how he called you is the reason why you keep stuttering and trembling like a shy kiddo: "Y-yeah..." you suddenly grimace, confused: "w-why are you here?" you question. "Oh, you didn't notice? i live near your house" you mouth a small "o" before you could even realize what he actually said: "Wait- what?!" he blinks twice, his hands involuntarily still gripping at your waist, a strange feeling intensifying inside the core of your stomach. “i. live. near. you.” he repeats, marking every word, not in a arrogant way, but in a beamy one. When he realizes that you aren’t going to say anything, he approaches you with an another argument: “Well, wanna walk together? I.N. told me that you’ll come at his party” you wide your eyes, following him hesitantly as he crosses the road. “What? No! Nono i don’t like that kind of party” He raises an eyebrow:

“…what kind of party do you like then? like a… uhm” he bemuses, you shake your hands, trying to clarify: “No! I mean… I’m the only girl in the group and i’m quite worried about it” when he turns his head to face you, you can’t believe he purposely holds your hand. “I understand, don’t worry! You know i wouldn’t let anything happen to you, right? Such a good girl, you don’t deserve to get into that kind of shit” you can hear your heartbeat booming inside your head, mind blank as you keep repeating his last sentence to yourself, barely capable to think at any reply. “Please, i want to know you better! Come with me, and you’ll be sure no one will make fun of you, or touch you in any way” he insists, tightening the grip on your hand.

okey, are you dreaming? are you in a coma, after a car invested you? What the hell is happening? All of your day dreams about him seem becoming reality as he’s begging you to accompany him. You’re not conscious of your blushing state in this moment, smiling pathetically, lost in yourself as you’re trying to realize your current situation. And you finally cooe: “Well, if you say so… i’ll be more than glad to come!”

Heesung raises a fist happily: “That’s my girl! i mean… happy to see you again y/n” he stops in front of a small, cute little house. He sighs, taking a heavy breath before continuing: “i live here… alone, so if you need something, you can find me here.” you bow slightly, smiling uncontrollably. “Got it! See you at the party, then.” He keeps staring at you without leaving: “What? So i’m not gonna pick you up?”

“Oh… uhm, yes! yes, sure. Sorry” you beam back.

“Okey, shall we share our phone numbers?” he asks, taking his phone in his hands, ready to take notes. When you’re both sure that the other has the contact saved, Hee shakes his hand and heads towards the door of his home.

The evening of the same day, you can’t help but keep fantasizing about how would it be to spend hours with Heesung at your side. Having him that close to you, would probably drive your mind nuts, but what if he was talking seriously hours before? He seriously wants to get to know you better? Well, if so, you’d surely go to that party. Knowing that it’s quite easy to convince you in anything when it comes to Heesung, you already start choosing what to wear at the party of the next day.

“Mmm” you scratch your chin, looking at your dresses hanging inside your wardrobe. “What should i-“ the loud sound of your ringtone makes you suddenly hop. You check the name written on the screen, snorting when you see the name of your best friend.

“What do you want?” you tilt your head to squeeze your phone between your ear and shoulder, picking your favorite dresses and throwing them on your bed.

“You’re coming?!! God, you fucking drool for Heesung, don’t you???” you hear Jeongin beaming through the speaker.

“Me? No, no absolutely.” you find yourself staring intensely at one dress in particular: the fabric of a soft white, its skirt’s quite short and has elegant lace sleeves. You choose that one, while keep listening to Jeongin freak out from happiness.

“Well, whatever. You’re gonna come too!!!” he starts to giggle joyfully.

“Yeah, now please calm down. Also, i have to go now, bye!” you end the call without even waiting for him to say anything else. The only thing you want right now is staring at the selfie of Heesung that he has set as his profile picture. So you did, laying on your bed, after putting carefully in place your dresses again.

“Ooh… he’s such so handsome and cute”

You whimper seeing the notification of someone texting you appearing from above the phone screen. A pang hits your heart when you realize it’s Heesung.

< Hey, tomorrow the party begins at 6 p.m. Imma pick you up by 5.45, is that okay? >

You smile like an idiot while texting back: < Perfect! >

That night you fall asleep, lost again in the thought of his cherishing smile and how simply gorgeous he always is.

And as soon as you do, as soon you wake up, squeezing your eyes from the warm light of the sunrise. You suddenly grip at your hair, your heartbeat starts accelerating as you process: “The party is today!”

Now that you have realized it, you can’t stop waiting impatiently for afternoon to come. You force yourself to distract your mind, doing chores and your homework, listening to music and practicing the dance steps you learned at your last dance lesson. Doing that you don’t even feel the hours that have passed, making you bounce slightly on the spot as you read what time it is.

“God i have to get ready!” you jolt while running towards your bathroom, starting to do your makeup. You keep checking the time on your wristwatch, and once you have your look done and prepared all the stuff you’d need, you leave the house and chuckle shyly as you see Heesung standing in front of his car a few meters apart from you.

“Hi y/n! How are you?” He approaches you, giving you his hand to help you get inside of his car.

“Pretty fine” you affirm after he joined you inside it.

The short journey was something you could define totally embarrassing, you were frustrated because you couldn’t do anything but stare outside the window and tap nervously your fingertips on the handle. He was the one that after some minutes that seemed eternal hours find the courage to speak:

“Uhm… that dress is so beautiful, matches your vibes a lot” he turns his head to take a quick look of you before his gaze could go back at the road. “Thank you, Heesung” you smile genuinely. He giggles back: “Oh please, just call me Hee. We’re friends after all, right?” what your previous smile seemed full of happiness, it quickly turned into a wounded one. “Yeah… friends”

———

Once you enter the apartment, you didn’t expect it to be so well organized: cute colorful balloons fill the living room, yummy snacks all over the table followed by soda and other drinks, background music to keep the welcoming atmosphere. When you step out the entrance you immediately see Jeongin’s friends casually chatting on the small couch.

“Naur way look who’s here!” Jake exclaims as he notices your figure standing in front of them. You chuckle at his funny Aussie accent.

“Yeah personally i know you couldn’t wait anymore to see me” Heesung smirks, heading towards Jeongin who’s trying to inflate other balloons. “Hyung i think these are enough, yeah?” he whispers at him, noticing his red, overworked cheeks.

Jake turns his head to look at Hee, grimacing: “What? No i meant y/n! Didn’t expect you to come” He approaches you, with the intention of hugging you friendly. After he pulls away, the other boys stand up to do the exact same. You thank Jay, Chan and Beomgyu as they compliment your curated look.

You spent a couple hours on watching a comedy show and laughing together. Your body stiffened any time you felt Heesung’s hand resting (apparently) innocently on your knee, when you saw him facing you while giggling as he enjoyed the film, it seriously looked like you were a couple, and you weren’t the only one who noticed that:

Chan’s gaze suddenly went to your knee, as he saw Heesung rubbing his hand on your skin.

“Are you hiding us something, guys? Seems like you’re very comfortable together.”

Chan’s your ex, so you could tell that his voice had some point of annoyance when he spoke.

“Yeah! I was about to say the same thing” Beomgyu smirks, moving his eyes on you and the fine guy who’s sitting next to you.

“Oh, it does? Sorry if i might stole her from you” Heesung appeals with his cocky smile.

“It’s not up to you, Hee” Chan replies, a slight look of arrogance on his face surprises you. “Right, y/n?”

“Uhm… well…” you struggle to find any appropriate answer, but nothing comes to your mind. Jeongin fortunately saves you from that embarrassing situation:

“Let’s play a game!” He stands up, turning off the tv. Jay and Jake that were still focusing on the program, whined at him.

“Fine” Heesung stands up, searching for your hand and heading towards Jeongin. A smirk pops into the childish friend’s face, he crosses his arm looking intensely at the both of you through his hooded eyes.

“Y/n, truth or dare?”

The moment after the other guys heard that iconic question, every one was sitting on the rug in a circle, waiting for their turn as they joined the game. It was quite fun, most of the dares were hilarious that got you almost rolling on the floor from laughter, but once it got repetitive and your friend seemed bored, Jeongin once again proposed you:

“Y/n, truth or dare?” this time his gaze is mysterious enough for you to suspect he planned something.

“Uhm… dare?” you murmur, not sure if you chose the right answer to keep your dignity.

“I see” Jeonging looks straight at Heesung on your left, before moving his gaze on you again. “Kiss Heesung”

Loud “Uuuh” fill the atmosphere as the guys find finally a captivating idea, everyone but Bangchan, who seems about to kill Jeonging with his stare and choke Heesung before he could touch you.

Panic starts to rush inside your veins as you turn your head and see Heesung smirking, you can feel the eyes of all the others stuck on your lips, waiting impatiently for you to make a move, but nothing, you couldn’t even elaborate any conscious movement. You’re like a greek statue, immobilized, your eyes focusing on nothing but Hee’s lips, your hand standing steady on the ingenious intent of wrapping it around his waist. Heesung chuckles: “y/n? are you’k?” he snaps his fingers in front of your face. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

What it took least than two seconds, felt an entire minute for you.

You feel Heesung carding his fingers through your hair, before falling on the nape of your neck to pull you closer to his face, the tip of your noses rubbing against each other as he’s moving his lips closer and closer to yours. It felt warm, and soft, something you never experienced in that way, you could immediately tell that you would be addicted to his lips, if only he could be yours.

Heesung pulls away, exhaling a soft laugh as he holds your hand. “You good?” he asks, you nod: “Yeah. Yeah i’m good” you murmur, smiling a little before turning your head to face the others. Beomgyu, Jake, Jay an Jeongin are hyping the both of you, on the other side you can notice Chan squeezing his fists as he keeps staring at you. “What’s wrong with him?” you question yourself.

Jeongin giggles at you and Heesung: “I meant a peck on the cheek but well, this proves that you like each other! Thank me later guys” he stands up, taking the bowl of chips and starts to chew a few.

“W-wait- What?” your mouth hangs open, while Hee is simply smiling at you.

The rest of the party went great, you had funny conversations and ate tasty food.

Later, you head towards the exit, where you left your jacket and phone, you barely even check your new notifications, that you feel a hand resting on your shoulder, you expect it to be Heesung and uncontrollably smile, but once you turn your head to see his face, you find yourself a few inches away from Chan. He’s moving closer to your lips to steal a kiss from you. You pull him away, smacking your palm against his face.

“What the hell are you doing? Huh?” you screech.

“Come on, don’t act like you don’t want it, we were so perfect as a couple, you look better with me than Heesung” He gets closer to you slowly once again, but you’re too concerned to move. You jolt as you see someone pulling Chan away from you by grabbing his shoulder.

“What’s going on here?” Heesung looks at you before moving his annoyed gaze to Chan. “Why would you care?” he replies, with his arms crossed.

“Because she just rejected you a few seconds ago, don’t you get that she doesn’t like you anymore?” you can’t articulate anything before he wraps his arm around your waist and yell at the others in the living room.

“Guys, it was fun but now i have to take y/n home, see you on Monday” Heesung takes your jackets and leaves the house with you squeezed in his arm.

Not long after he stops in front of his house, you’re still confused from why he reacted like that before, you don’t realize that it isn’t actually your house. Heesung gets out of the car. “Come with me” he called you, heading towards the door.

Once you’re both inside, he turns to look at you, taking your hands in his. “You’re not interested in Chan anymore, right?” you nod: “Yeah, i’m not.” he lets out a relieved sigh. “Good, because i like you” you start to mumble incomprehensible words. “U-uhm…” Heesung notices that your cheeks are turning into a blushing state, making him chuckle. “You don’t need to say anything, just kiss me already, okey?” he slowly approaches you, getting closer enough for you to feel his warm, deep breaths against you nose, his hands are trailing soft lines on your back, sending you shivers down your spine. You automatically raise on your tiptoes, holding yourself onto his shoulder. You start to leave small pecks on his hot lips, struggling to stop because of the warm feeling of his body. Hee chuckles between every kiss: “i see, you love me, don’t you?” you giggle against the crook of his neck: “Yeah, so much.”

“May i take care of you? Show you how much do i love you, too?” he leans over you neck to inhale your sweet scent. “Mark you as mine, so you won’t get bothered by other guys?” you take a few seconds to realize what he actually meant with those words. “Uhm… i don’t know…” He caresses your cheek, attaching his lips on yours another time. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. Please, let’s be each other’s first” You chuckle: “I can’t believe you’re still a virgin” he wides his eyes, smiling: “Why?? I had only a girlfriend when i was 14, you’re the one i fell for, after a long time.” you bite your lower lip, looking down to avoid eye contact. “It’s just that… i’m worried i won’t be good enough” he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he walks backwards, heading towards what you figure to be his bedroom. “You’ll be perfect as always, my little princess” you can’t help but blush at that new petname, that stole another smile from you. A few seconds later he’s opening the door with you still holding at his waist. He sits on the edge of the mattress, looking up at you with doe eyes. You suddenly get shy as you realize that you started unconsciously to strip, hiking up slowly your dress as you expose your bare legs and stomach to him, the man that you craved for three years. He holds himself on his wrists, watching carefully every detail of your body, already struggling to contain any reaction from his body. “Oh god, you’re so beautiful” he murmurs, biting his cheeks to avoid any flustering sound. You jump onto his lap with your legs wrapped around his waist, Hee starts to kiss you deeply as you busy yourself by unbuttoning his shirt. Your tongue dives into his mouth, while trailing your hands all over his naked chest. You push him, getting him completely layed on his bed. You’re still asking yourself where did you find enough confidence to do all of this, when you bite on his neck, smirking against his red skin. “Untie it, Hee” as soon as he hears you, you feel your bra falling off of your body, hearing it thrown on the floor. Heesung grabs your waist, forcing you to switch your positions. You see his unmistakable smirk glued onto your face, but it doesn’t take long before he moves it down your breast. “Are you sure you’re ready, princess?” he asks you, caressing your waist side. “i trust you” “Glad you do, baby” he stands up, untying his belt before unzipping his jeans. Not long after he throws them on the floor, then focuses again on nothing else but you. Hee leans over you, making his way down your body with small kisses, once he reaches your lower abdomen, he slowly drags you panties down your legs. “So pretty, tell me…” he stops by biting slightly on your hips. “Want me to wear a condom? I’m clean, just to let you know.” you shake your head. “I’m too, and on a birth control” Heesung nods, positioning himself between your wided legs. “Got you” you breathe heavily, when you watch him dragging down his boxers, inhaling the air deeply to force yourself to slow down your heartbeat. You squeeze your eyes when you get to see his cock standing between your wet core. It’s just about a few seconds that you finally feel him burying himself inside you. He lets out a sweet groan, holding his breath when you involuntarily squeeze around him. “Fuck, didn’t expect it to be this good” he slowly pulls out, trying to feel every sensation. “Do you like it?” He watches your aroused face. “Yeah, please, go on” You watch him smirking through your eyelashes. “Didn’t hear you, may you repeat darling?” you sigh, smiling. “Huh, please i want you”

Heesung holds onto your knees, making sure you stay spread for him, while he slides into you another time, then out, repeating the same movements as he speeds the pace. You try to stay still, gripping harshly at the sheets beneath you, your eyes roll back as you feel him touching your sweet spot with every thrust.

“Fuck- just like that, please” you mewl, letting out whimpers when the pleasure builds tension inside your lower stomach.

He moans back once. “Never thought you could make such sweet noises.” he smiles, eyes shut as he feels himself getting closer to his climax. Surely the way you keep clenching around his length doesn’t help him to last longer, and surely the fact that his tip’s kissing your g-spot continuously from minutes is getting you to the edge very quickly. You let out a broken, high pitched moans when you feel pure arousal hitting your body, making you arch your back from pleasure. “Fuck- faster, now!” he does immediately as you say, slamming his pelvis against your thighs gap as fast as he can, the sound of your skin slapping against each other’s booms inside the room, followed by nasty, squelching sounds at every pump. Heesung leans over you to help himself thrusting into you better. “So close~ cum for me princess” Your breathe loudly, as soon as you cream around him you feel hot ropes of his cum shooting inside you. His thrusts become sloppy when he slows down, pulling out after a few more pumps.

“You’re so beautiful right now, all fucked out because of me, i think i like you better like this.” he leans over to steal another deep kiss, his hands reaching instinctively your bare breast. “You did so good for me, you need a treat babe” you smile the best you can, still trying to get down your high. “Like…?” Heesung leaves a small peck on your right cheek. “What about a warm bath? I said i’m gonna take good care of you.” he cards his fingers through your hair, caressing your forehead.

“Will you let me do it forever?”

[samstclair]

Tony Soprano's Goomah

Tony Soprano X Reader

Anonymous Request -

Hiya Saint Samuel!!!!! So listen to this, I've just started Sopranos, you know, the HBO show? Anyway I've come to the conclusion that Tony is exactly my type. He's brought out an inherent and animalistic part of me I never realized was there in the first place. Like, a strong attraction to alpha men. I'm not that far in the show, but I love the idea of him taking me to dinner at Vesuvio's, you know, Artie's restaurant? I love that he supports his friend's small business when he's not busy blowing it up! So could you come up with an imagine about the date? Let me know!! Thank you!!!!

P.S. - I love your work but please keep this one short! It's gotta be a quickie before bed!

Word Count: not that long tbh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's so gloomy out," you said, face souring as you looked out the window of your apartment. "It's always gloomy." 

"Um, where the fuck do you think we're at? It's New Jersey," your friend, Snooki, said. "That's why I only like the shore. It's different out there."

You smiled. Her thick Jersey accent always threw you off but it felt so warming. You forgot people actually talked like that. She'd come to visit you from the Shore to help you get ready for your little date. She was filming a season of her TV show, which you didn't completely understand, but nonetheless you were supportive cause you always supported your girls. That's just how being a girlie works. 

"So who's this guy anyway?" Snooki asked as she began to flat iron your hair, clouds of thick smoke rising from it as it fried your shit straight. "You're so like, secretive about him. You never ended up telling me."

You blushed, living for the idea of this little forbidden-esque romance you and Tony had. 

"I didn't tell you because I'd only just met you, I had to make sure you were a girl's girl first, you know?"

"And when was that?"

"When I found out you were down to help hide me go into hiding from the stupid ugly IRS men-in-black people, THAT'S when I knew."

She smiled to herself, she DID that. 

"Anyway, and I couldn't tell you over the phone cause you were on that stupid duck phone. I didn't want the show to be recording my business, silly," you said, "plus, those guy friends you have there are creeps. I don't want them knowing my business, either."

You shuddered at the thought of those overly-tan, Ed Hardy cologne smelling boys. You didn't trust them in the slightest. After one of them called you a grenade because they caught a glimpse a single stretch mark, you knew DAMN well they had never been connected to any basis of reality and therefore not REAL.

Except Paulie, you didn't really mind him, if you catch my drift if you catch the flow! ;). He was lowkey a girl's girl.

"So tell me now! I'm so over waiting!" she whined. She really was over it. You loved holding back information some times just to create a little suspense. A little of that never hurt no one never hurt a FLY.

"Well, what do you wanna know?" you smirked to yourself. 

"Is he Italian?"

"Oh, def."

"Is he tan?"

"Oh, no."

She suddenly stopped the ironing and gave you an annoyed look in the mirror. You knew that was a no-no in Snicker's book. "Then why are you wasting your time?"

"Because he's just hot, like, I don't know how to explain it," you really didn't. When you first met, you just found it odd how insanely attracted you were to him. You just were. It made you feel like a middle-aged mom. But who cares? EXACTLY! "He's low-key, rich, high-key. He works in like, garbage disposal or some shit."

"That's what they say when they're in the mafia." Snooki said, continuing to iron your hair. 

"I did my fair amount of business with Italians back in England, I know what the mafia looks like." Of that, you did. But that was your old life, you were supposed moving on. The Queen is dead, after all. Don't push! 

You wish you could tell your girlfriend more, but you had to remind yourself that you were under a different identity - as you mentioned before, the IRS are actually a bunch of Debbie downers and negative Nancies who wanna see you, just a girl, down. They hated seeing you, just a girl, succeed, and that's not cool or cute. They ran you out of the country once, but not again. You were a full, beer-blooded American and that's that. (if ur reading this and not American just pretend you are! Who wouldn't want to?!)

You met Tony through the Italian connections you had in England, and once you knew you had to escape back to America, they were the only allies you knew that could help smuggle you in like the cocaine in little baggies shoved up the asscracks of a flight attendee. If it weren't for that, New Jersey would have definitely NOT been the first place you had in mind to arrive in. 

Once the Italians brought you through, they directed you to this deli place called Satriale's after you moaned and groaned about your tummy rumbling. You kept joking that you were a different person when you were hungry, what you dubbed as the "hungry monster", over and over. Safe to say, the Italians soon grew increasingly uncomfortable with that and your other incoherent ramblings about food and decided you needed some gabagool. 

Let's just say - you went to absolute fucking town on those slices of meat and cheese. All those thoughts about becoming a vegetarian? Yeah, out the window they WENT. 

You assumed that none of those Italian-Americans knew that a girl could fucking eat, because they looked at you with both horror and confusion. Also, a little concernment. You also learned the complete difference between Italian and Italian-American, as if that horrendous atrocity that is your bff Snooki's Jersey Shore season 4 wasn't enough to learn from.

As you were munching away on what you were sure was only your third slice of 'salam' (salami), (it was actually your eleventh), the door swung open along with the little bell atop ringing. That wasn't what broke you out of your trance, no, no it would take a LOT for that to happen in the state you were in, but it was who....

"Hey, sweetheart, save some for the rest of us, huh?" He giggled, his other goons giggling behind him.

You looked up. You hated being spoken at while eating. It was really a trigger.

But there he was. Tony.

Tall, big, low-key balding, leather jacket and Goodwill's men section polo with some khaki pants, cigar in hand, under-sized gold rings and necklaces bulging, and a whiff of men's cologne (probably an Italian designer's).

You were stumped. Stunned. Stupefied.

So were they. They watched you, waiting for some sort of response whether it was verbal or physical. Instead, they were given your mega disassociation-state, blank expression, mouth full with a slice of meat in one hand and a slice of cheese in the other.

The entire deli went silent - it was literally as if there was a cowboy standoff going on like some Western film shit. A Spaghetti western here, perhaps?

"Fuck's wrong with her?" one of his minions asked. You later found out this was his wannabe Aaron Sorkin nephew Christopha.

"Hey, Ton', I think you broke the poor broad!" the other said, who had crazy white streaks of hair. This was his other minion, Paulie who giggled with the possible case of Tourette's syndrome.

"Ayyeeee, sweethaarrttt," the other said with a grumpy face and crazy hairline, (Silvio), "what's tha matta?"

You didn't know what the matter was. And honestly, neither did Tony.

All you two knew, is that you were both locked IN. What you didn't know at the time, was that he realized he had landed his eyes on one of the most beautiful, fine ass women he'd ever seen. And man was down BAD! Of course he was, girl, LOOK AT YOU!

(For realsies all respect to Carmela she did not deserve any of Tony's caca!)

"Who the fuck is this?" he finally asked, somewhat angrily. He wasn't angry, just taken aback someone had defied him as much as you did in that moment from that face off. And that's just the regular tone of how a lot of these people talked, which you ALSO later learned.

"I'm me," you said back.

The three minions behind him all raised their brows in shock. They couldn't conceive a girlie, like you, could sass just as hard back. That response ALWAYS worked.

And that was that. You two were history <3. 

You then met Snooki at a bar later that same night and she let you stay at the Jersey Shore house for a bit until Tony gave you enough money to get your own spot. And now, here you two were. Some full circle shit. 

So yeah back to your apartment WE'RE BACK AT THE APARTMENT!!

You were in the midst of a rant to Snooki about beefing with your hairstylist, the same lady who bleached your hair and unknowingly participated as an accessory to concealing your real identity from authorities. 

"...and so I was like, I want a bleach and tone, like can you do a bleach and tone for me please, like smiley face emoji and she was like tone? (question mark) and I was like, a bleach and tone, like, a bleach and tone, like a bleach and tone, like what do you mean tone, like? Like after you bleach it, can you tone it, like make it not brassy, and she was like 'oh oh I understand' and put, like, the blonde princess emoji and I was like, okay I'm glad you understand."

"What a fucking dumbass," Snooki laughed, finishing your hair. "I can just give you the number to my hairdresser, just let me know."

You heavily considered. A couple chunky stripe black highlights here and there? Some reverse raccoon shit? SHIT!!!

As she wrapped up, you admired yourself in the mirror. Your other girlfriend, JWoww, had done your makeup but had to leave early to let out her dogs at her house. She'd done the full Y2K trashy mcbling look - black smokey eye with glitter, heavy on the contour, thin ass brows and a nude lip. You looked like a Pamela Anderson variant and you were fucking it up! 

After taking some grainy ass photos on your hot pink bedazzled camera, Snooki hyping you up some more and pregaming with you before your date, you got a text! 

"I've got a text!" you said like a Love Islander. 

"Oh my god, is it from him?" Snooki asked, drinking the remnants of the Ron-Ron juice she made, the only good thing he's ever been associated with.

"Oh, fuck he's like - he's like here! He's here!" 

You ran towards your window and peeped your head through the blinds - he was indeed here in his red Chevy. A wave of anxiety flushed over you - but you weren't sure why? You were literally his 'goomar' or 'goomah' however you spell it and this definetly wasn't your first time on a date with him. But every time before one, you felt like you needed to shit yourself. He just made you all nervy! Like, that's a MAN RIGHT THERE!

"Oh, fuck Snooki," you said, frightened. "I think I need to go."

"You're kidding. You don't have time! You said he made a reservation, right?"

"Oh, I don't know. He just walks into anywhere and he automatically has a reservation for that exact time. You really think I can't go?"

"I mean, how fast can you go?"

You ended up going. And you were fast.

It was a quickie, definitely not ALL that needed to come out, but it was something for now. You knew your body too well. As you hit that flush lever thingie, you saw all your anxiety go down with it. You were ready, renewed, and refreshed. THOSE are the real three R's for saving the planet. You also smoked the last bit if your blunt, a 'roach' if you will, to see if that could calm your nerves. Spoiler - it didn't. Girl there was less than an inch left the fuck did you think that would do.

As Snooki was closing the front door, she yelled somewhat drunkenly "YOU'RE FUCKING HOT!" It definitely gave you a little pep in your step, to say the very least. Your heels clicked and clicked down that staircase, you felt like Rose in Titanic to Jack in that one scene.

Tony exited the car, admiring his view. Snooki was very right. You were eating it UP LIKE THAT BITCH!!

You had a slip on sequin dress, not too clubby but not too dressy, low-key classy and a little not too shabby? Your hair was all done up and your hoops dangled from your ears. You smelled of some sweet Nicki Minaj's body spray from TJ Maxx.

A cloud of cologne (a good cologne, one that you secretly stole for him also from TJ Maxx) hit you as you and Tony embraced. Even with your heels, he still stood over you like a fucking wall. You got why the gays love their bears. 

"How do I look, Tony?" you asked. You knew your answer you just fucked with compliments. 

"You look beautiful, hun. Like an old Hollywood actress. Let's get goin'." He opened the passenger's seat door for you like the gentleman he was and closed it behind you. Once he was in the driver's seat, you two were off. 

It was now Christmas time - so the aesthetic was KICKING! Lights were all around on people's houses and trees, the air was cool and there was a little snowfall. It felt like some cozy 2000's digital photos you find under looking up 'nostalgic' on Pinterest. The car's heater was on full and the warmth felt good against your ass. You thought about fucking up a sauna and how you'd love one of those. Maybe a future date with Tony?

You lowered the sun visor to check yourself in the mirror. These false lashes were CRAZY. You only trusted JWoww or Snooki to put them on. 

"You smell that?" Tony asked, sniffing the air.

"No," you said. You only smelled the his strong cologne and Nicki.

"You smell like weed," he said. 

You did forget about the 'roach' and plants you were growing on your balcony to make some extra cash. But then, you thought, this could be the perfect lay-up right now. If it worked on Megan Fox, maybe it would work on Tony? If it didn't, you'd honestly Lady Bird yourself out of his car from the embarrassment.

"I am weed," you said, trying to sound femme fatale, biting your tongue like a mom. 

He didn't get it. 

"What did you say?"

You weren't high enough for this.

"Man, never mind," you said. "Where we going, anyway? You said you were take me to eat some real food. Cause apparently McDonald's isn't."

"Oh please, you're gonna start with that shit again?" Tony said. One thing with Tony, and all these mafiosos, they have more insecurity than a thirteen-year-old middle school girl. You've had to learn how to dodge Tony's whiny moments. 

"So where?" you asked again, back to the topic. 

"Italian."

"Oh, like Olive Garden?"

He stopped at a light and faced you, with a look of pure disgust.

You saw him in the corner of your eye, trying not to smile. You loved fucking with him. It was like fucking with a toddler.

"The fuck did you say?" 

And there it was. 

Tony then began to rant about what true Italian dining and food was, as he always loved to flex in his whiny self about how there's no other shame of an establishment other than Olive Garden to bring embarrassment to Italian cuisine. You disassociated for much of it after, watching the lit-up suburbs as you drove by.

"....and that's why Vesuvio's puts back the honor in the Italian name. End of story!"

"That's crazy," you said, one of your many safe automatic responses to have after your disassociation trips. 

Anyway, you two had finally made it to the restaurant, as Tony mentioned before, called Vesuvio's. It was owned by a close friend of his, which made you all happy as it was refreshing to see Tony support small businesses. It was the late evening, so the sun had already set and the ambience was hitting. 

Before you entered the restaurant, Tony said he had a surprise for you and took out from the back of his car a quite large box.

"What is this?"

"Go ahead," he smiled slyly, "open it up."

You felt like a child needing to rip the bitch open, but you stopped yourself - you liked playing hard to get so you knew you had to act indifferent. You instead opened it slowly, as if it was just an ordinary box but no it WASN'T!

"No. Fucking. Way," you were in disbelief. "Tony - a FUCKING VINTAGE HOT PINK JUICY TRACKSUIT?! THESE ARE LIKE, $100 ON DEPOP?!?!?!?!"

He was fucking up your reaction. He must've really listened to when you indulged in him your airport troubles and losing your suitcase, as well as your vintage Juicy Couture tracksuit. This got you all hot and shit down there to know he cared like that. Again, this is a MAN. He makes ugly dudes like Tate tater tot look like a little bitch and that's that.

"You like it?" he asked as you yanked that shit out and were admiring it. "Here, let me help," he put the box down and helped put the top jacket part on.

You were too shock to speak. Non-verbal, if you would.

"Tony, no bro it's that I can't - "

His little dumbass smile made it all the better. You hated that he knew he ate with this.

The fresh smell of baked bread and pasta was making your toes curl violently. You loved being a fat ass. Once inside, Tony greeted like half the staff because that's what these men do, but you were just bouncing your eyes from table to table at all the dishes. Shit was about to HIT! You purposely didn't eat all day so you could have room for what tonight was to come. But, with that, the Ron-Ron juice was now in full effect. Uh oh oh no.

No, no - you couldn't. Had you not learned before in England? You cannot embarrass Tony, no, not in front of all these people. Tony was like a pillar in this little suburban community, you needed to make him look good!

But then, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror - you DO look good! 

And then it hit you - you're just a girl who likes to dress up and eat good. The last thing you were gonna do was hide who you truly were! High key who gives a fuck about Tony? You do but you get what I mean.

A very pretty, blonde hostess came to you guys and led you to your table. Tony said hi, gave her the usual besitos, and introduced you two. 

"Y/N, this is Adriana. You know, Christopha's girlfriend?"

"Oh my god yes! I remember!" you brought her in for a hug and your own besitos. She smelled great. It made you so happy to see another girl do her thing! "You look so good, bro! And your nails!"

"Oh, my god thank you!" she said, modestly. "You're so pretty!"

Tony smiled, happy to see two girls do their thing. Men will never understand.

You two sat a little more secluded towards the back. He had introduced you to Artie, the best friend and owner of the restaurant.

About an hour in, the vibes were HITTING! You were on your third slice of bread, dipping it in the olive oil and vinegar (though you preferred butter, but you weren't just about to say that in front of all these Italians, LITERALLY when in Rome like??), laughing as Tony was making his shitty dad jokes, light Frank Sinatra and 'like a big pizza pie in the sky' in the background, the chatter of other customers who were also vibing, and, like you, looking forward to absolutely demolishing the dishes. 

What those dishes were, you wouldn't know. The moment you sat, Artie pulled up and took your menus, saying he would make y'all something exclusive from the menu. Like THAT? Like that. You felt like it was 2017 all over again and you just found out about the secret Pink Drink that wasn't on the Starbucks menu. Exclusive! 

As Tony was rambling on about his new horse, you were just thinking about how insanely attractive he was. Again, this ain't no boy - no, this is a MAN. This is a man who gets shit done, whenever and wherever. You always thought yourself to be pretty humble and not consider power a trait to find attractive, but you just realized you were lying to yourself this whole time, cause Tony proved it was. Is it shallow? Oops. Who gives a fuck be real. That and giving you money every time he saw you was definitely a plus! He was just too smooth with shit.

And let's be real again, it was a little bit of a power trip for you too. Like, you're TONY'S girl. You know what that's more powerful than? Exactly. Anyone other than Tony's girl.

"What's your horse's name?" you asked.

"Pie-O-My."

"That's such a cute name!"

Dumbass name, you thought. But in all honesty you would've named a horse like Pickle or some shit so.

"Do you like horses? I should take you ta see her sometime."

You weren't a horse girl, even though you did have a small phase in middle school. "How could you not? They're so, like, otherworldly. Back in Colombia, my old boss used to have a zoo, and there were a bunch of horses there too."

"When were you in Colombia?"

You froze - you forgot. You're not Y/N, you're Y/N! You're supposed to be under a false identity! You can't just be revealing your past, Colombia was not supposed to be talked about! Have England Colombia not taught you anything?

"A long, long, long, long time ago. Long time. Looooong time," you said, smiling sheepishly and taking a nervous sip of your wine. This topic needed to be SKIPPED.

"For business?"

And then you forgot. Tony literally knows you're a fugitive. You are safe <3

You went on to expand about your brief but not-so-brief, actually extensive, time in Colombia, working for Pablo and committing heists with your girls. It seemed like another lifetime ago, but recounting it brought you such nostalgia, it made you happy to reminisce. Tony was eating it up too, he fucked with the fact that you weren't just no ordinary girl, no, you were a girl with a past. Dare I say, not like other girls at that. A criminal one, at that. To these macho mafiosos, seeing a girl do more than being a housewife is considered very exotic. 

"One time, in Colombia, I almost set off one of Pablo's bombas by accident," you giggled to yourself. Shit was crazy. "It was supposed to be a hit on someone and I opened the wrong door to the wrong car lol. Thank god it malfunctioned and didn't detonate, but ever since then my close experience with death has just taught me to live, laugh and love more, you know? He was reaalllyyy pissed at me, for like a minute. Then he got over it, cause like, it's never that serious, you know?"

You dug into your pasta, which had just been brought out. It was Alfredo, your favorite. You weren't sure how Alfredo was an exclusive dish, but whatevs. You felt the warmness go down through your intestines - deletable. You felt Mark Weins possessing your spirit.

Tony was in awe of your stories. 

"Wait, wait, Pablo's what?"

"Bombas. You know."

He still didn't comprehend. Ugh boys.

"Bomb bass?" you repeated.

"Boss Baby? Like that cartoon scientist prick?"

You'd never seen Boss Baby, but was pretty sure he wasn't a scientist. Just a baby in STEM. "No, Tony, bom-bas."

"Baz Luhrmann?"

"Oh my god, no, but I miss that summer," you said, thinking about that curse of a movie. "All that our love surviveeeesssss. So good. So good." 

You continued eating your pasta, imagining Jacob Elordi's face instead of Austin Butler. It helped with the nightmares.

"Wait, you mean bombs?" he whispered. 

"Yes, that!" you covered your mouth with your hand, still chomping away, "Sorry, all that time in Colombia I forgot English words. I should redownload Duolingo again."

"You can't say that around here. Not around Artie."

"Why not?"

"He's sensitive to subjects like that. Gets him all nervous." Tony then went on to basically play with his food by making his fork dance in and out of it, never actually accumulating more pasta. This was his fidgeting.

"You garbage disposal guys love to pretend you're all hard and shit."

He stopped. Again, he's offended. "What did you say?"

"Like, you pretend you're all hard, and shit, but then you're not. Okay, like, okay - Paulie doesn't like me cause I made a joke. A little joke and he got all butthurt."

"Yeah, cause you said that if he eats more than 12 grapes on New Years, he's cursed."

"Yeah, so what? His fat ass ate the entire bag. I had to make him feel bad for that. Reparations, honestly."

"You know Paulie, he's superstitious. And you weren't helping when you asked his zodiac sign or whatever bullshit."

"And what about Silvio, huh? So what if I've never seen the Godfather? How else is a normal person supposed to react if you just randomly say 'once I'm out they pull me back in'? Like, what? Back into what? I was being nice pretending I knew what he was talking about the first couple of times. I can only fake it til I make it so much."

Tony was growing more impatient. 

"And Christopher? Sorry if I didn't know that an Elf Bar would break his sobriety. I just thought he'd love to invest -"

"Listen, sweetheart, I gotta be honest with ya. My friends, they're not perfect, but they're my family. Let's not forget about the sanctity of loyalty and respect. So let's put this aside and enjoy each other's company, huh -"

"How's the food, huh?" Artie asked, suddenly appearing like an Gusteau's ghost. 

"It's great, Artie," Tony said, somewhat dismissively.

"Artie, you ATE this shit up! I'm gonna be sleeping sooooo good tonight!" you smiled. He smiled that you smiled. 

"Well thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Let me know if you need anything else, okay?" Artie then walked off, leaving you two to yourselves. He quickly turned around and came back. "Be sure to call if you feel you have food poisoning, though."

"Wait, what?" you asked, mimicking Trisha Paytas.

"Cause if you do have it, it's not my food," he chuckled. "Right, Ton'?"

With that ominous comment/inside joke that you really had no idea what he was talking about, he walked away laughing. Tony wasn't. He, underneath it all was fuming but holding it in. He didn't like to raise his voice in front of you, because he knew you would hit lengths that exceeded his. One of your favorite activities was to make guys feel stupid, and you were too good at that and he knew. Honestly, he was kinda scared of the power you held, like one of Pablo's bombas. 

You just shrugged it off and continued eating up your pasta. 

It was quiet. It wasn't an awkward quiet, just a 'who's gonna talk first to get us past this quiet' sort of quiet. You didn't care, you were being wined and dined for free. 

You then thought about how you could enhance the dish, like a wizard adding potions and his creation. You pointed to the parmesan. 

"What?" Tony asked, oblivious, munching. 

"Cheese, hellur?"

"The fuck is 'hellur'?'

You swallowed the food that prevented you from saying 'hello' correctly. 

"Like, hello. So, cheese, hello?"

"Why not say hello?"

"Tony, I don't make fun of you when you say things in Italian," you shot back. He couldn't know food delayed your speech. "Don't make fun of my language, xenophobia doesn't look good on you."

He passed the parm, again in awe. "You know, of all the women I've been with, you're the weirdest fucking one," he laughed to himself. 

"Awe, Tony, you're so sweet." You smiled. The bad quiet vibes had gone away and the good vibes had returned. So what if there was a boulder on the path? You walk AROUND it!

Fast forward to dessert. Artie brought you some cannolis because we're in an Italian restaurant remember. 

Tony was in the middle of being pretty vulnerable with you. You loved that type of shit, when a man opens up. It's like seeing them fully evolve to becoming a normal person and you were front row.

"The things I do, you know. It's to get food on the table for my kids. But they, they don't understand. Meadow does, she's still young, but AJ? I don't know about the poor kid. Stays in his room all day, on that fucking computer, listens to that metal bullshit -"

"He's just going through his emo era. We all have it, don't worry. Some worse than others. And, he's a boy. They all enjoy a little Reddit from time to time. But just cause you're a criminal, Tony, doesn't make you a villain. The IRS just love to hate, trust me, I know."

He appreciated that you cared. "Therapy helps too, or whatever."

"Awe, that's great Tony!"

"But don't tell anyone, or I'll get whacked."

"By who?"

"You know. My associates."

"That's nice that you play games with your associates. It should be more than just business, you know. Like, there should be room for some bonding time and exercises."

"What are you talking about?"

"Like, Whack-a-Mole. Isn't that what you were talking about?"

Tony laughed. You thought he got it, but he was just still confused and was actually laughing at the shit you just say. 

After the check (there was no check cause it's Tony Soprano), you two stopped by at Wawa to get some SpongeBob popsicles, cause those cannolis didn't hit that 'sumthin sweet' feeling. The flavor you got wasn't as good as his, despite being the same thing, so at every free opportunity when he wasn't looking you scooped a little of his. He started to notice as his popsicle shrunk and shrunk, getting hot at what you were doing. You didn't mind, you liked it sometimes when he got mad cause you thought it was funny you got to him like that. He got over it eventually, realizing that it's never THAT serious. 

Some time later you were back at his place, what your girls would call an 'open crib'. It was just you two, and as Nicki once said, the night was still young. The possibilities? Yeah, they're endless. You had to admit, you were getting impatient. You needed something and that something was NOW.

By the pool, you two were making out. Shit was getting heavy and the night was getting pretty fucking chilly. A little too chilly, like the Juicy tracksuit was cute asf, but let's be real not helping in the slightest. But you weren't just about to have that interrupt you. What's a little cold? People literally live in like, Russian tundra.

Still making out, you felt small droplets of water hit you. 

You broke from the kiss and said, quite sensually but not exactly meaning to, "I'm wet."

Tony chuckled with his goofy, excited smile. "Tell me more -"

He brought you back in for another kiss.  

You felt more of those droplets hit you. You broke your kiss off again.

"No, I'm actually wet."

As if on cue, the rain began to pour pretty hard, increasingly violent. He grabbed your arm and pulled you to go inside. You two laughed as you were drenched, trying to escape the heavy downpour on some rom-com bullshit. 

You slid your heels off and ran, you ran and ran. One thing you knew how to do - you knew how to ran. Your feet hit those puddles of water with such velocity, Tony could no longer catch up to you and lagged behind. Your hands let go - you couldn't wait for him. Once you were in this state, there was no breaking out of it. He was amazed at your abilities. You couldn't risk your makeup running. That's a big no-no, no?

Once inside, he brought you two towels and began drying you off. You caught a quick glimpse of your make up in the mirror, and needless to say, you needed JWoww to drop you that link of the setting spray she used cause shit was STUCK. Immovable.

"Thanks for the towel, Tony." you said. He winked at you, pulled his soaked shirt off and tossed it on the kitchen counter, then pulled out a jug of orange juice from the fridge, downing that bitch. Your eyes trailed from his body hair, down to his chest, to his belly, then his happy trail down to - oh. Oh there it is. 

"Peter, the horse is here." you said. That bulge was bulging. 

Tony clocked his head to you. 

You thought you said it in your head, but you actually said it loud and clear.

"Who the fuck is Peta?" he interrogated, getting scared into thinking someone else was in the house, or that maybe 'Peter' was someone you were seeing...

"My god Tony you're such a fucking boomer."

"Is Peter your boyfriend -"

"- oh SHUT UP TONY!" you said, before pouncing on top of him. You hugged him, and he hugs tightly back, he then throws you on the dining table and you feel his member pressed against your leg. He begins kissing you, his tongue licking your lips for entrance. You let him in. Your tongues fight for dominance but you let him win. He eventually starts going down on you, taking your sequin dress off, and starts kissing your labia.

"This...this is a labia," he says. "End of story!"

You lift your legs as he begins to eat you out, his wet breath on your cooter. He holds your foot up and raises himself, ready to press his member into your entrance. Your eyes are closed, ready to take the man from North Caldwell, New Jersey in. This is it. No Peta, no duck phone, no garbage disposal, nothing - just you and Tony.

Hope you guys enjoyed!

Also, a heads up!  A friendly warning - DON'T tell me how long to make story. That is up to me, myself and I. Anyway this one's shorter so whatevs. 

xoxo, 

~ Sam St. Clair

[poetry-protest-pornography]

ThamePo Episode 6 rambles:

I never typed out my EP 5 notes, but oh well (I will come back and do that, because I love my little anxious and hyper-competent Nano the mostest)

Po is so confused, but Thame isn't really giving him much to work with, but oh gosh they're so soooft

“I wanted to make sure I wasn't hurting you” is a beautiful sentiment, but does not in fact explain why you're hugging this man in a bus stop

…You could have both taken the car, boys?

Another Jun stairwell yoink

Jun, my little shit stirrer, ilu

Excuse you, ma'am, wtf do you mean Pepper doesn't count?

Pepper’s face is priceless “why am I your gay Yoda, man”

This little strategy meeting where they're all working together and playing to each other's strengths is so 😭❤️

Oh no, Pep wants to leave because he's in love? “Idols aren't allowed to fall in love”? 😭😭😭

Thame can't bear the thought of Pepper leaving, not after he just got them all back, but Pepper doesn't want to give up a life for the group, and Thame can't really fault him for that either

For an idol, this boy really just walks around bodyguard-less everywhere

Poor Po, Poor Thame. They're both so hurt that this thing they’ve only just started to think they could have is being so swiftly taken away. But Po… Po just left a relationship where he was so taken for granted and taken advantage of and his partner wouldn't properly acknowledge or claim him, and now there's Thame who is the opposite in all the best ways, but who can't claim or acknowledge him

The Twink Detective Agency musical branch is pretty good at this detective work, actually

Dylan: did y'all forget about bisexuals?

We finally get Sammy and Drake SOs, and it's each other? Is that what's happening? Incredible. (Now let them be gay, GMM! nd give them a lead!)

Oof, it's another idol, so that's a doubly dangerous no-no

I'm so happy we get to see them all being friends. That we see them tease and support each other, work together, annoy each other, reassure each other… it's so important to me, and we don't get enough of it in most shows, tbh; we're just told “that people are friends”, but don't often get to see so many facets of friendship

Per and Thame conceptualizing their love as time bombs – as something that will ultimately hurt them all and their future together – is actually hurting all of my feelings

This fake fight over Jun flirting with Gam is the cutest, most bestie coded thing, I love them so much.

-Nano cheering then on yo fight

-Per having zero actual intent to fight but Jun being low key afraid anyway

-Dylan not letting Jum hide behind him

-Thame low-key corralling Jun for Per

…. They're perfect

They can't even really say “I like you” to each other, but they're drinking confession tea, so it counts

This conversation about speed and rhythm? Insane, actually? Peak romance

Cause of death: IRL no you hang up

Po, you're gonna have to physically put that man on that bus

“We should keep our distance so we don't get caught”

“Caught at what?”

“... nevermind”

“And do we need to keep this distance?”

*Screaming*

Listen, this episode has been a masterclass on how queer desire is talked around/talked about indirectly for safety and deniability, and I want to write an essay about it but I'm too busy chewing on rocks

These two have perfected the “I wanna kiss you so bad I might die” look, and they should teach classes in visibly pining

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 14th

Cioran Anon (new), pan romantic anon, bottle anon, w anon, betrayed anon (new), pg anon, cassie anon (new), hu anon (new)

Cioran Anon

Hi <3 I just wanted to send you some love and remind you that you're cared about. I know things are difficult right now but they will get better.

_________

Pan Romantic Anon

Hey.

Pan romantic anon.

..

We were in class, I said I was gonna be busy on Thursday and Friday, she looked at me, said 'what, I can't even have a meal with you on valentine's day?'

I am sure my heart stopped, or beat too fast I stopped feeling it. Fuck, I know she doesn't mean it like that, but can you blame me for feeling like that?

We were in class, talking. She kissed my cheek, I felt nervous. I don't know if it's because I made fun of cheeky romance books too much, and karma found me or something, but I really thought I was on the clouds, butterflies. She chuckled, despite seeing it everyday, her smile is still my favorite thing to look at. "You blushed" she pointed out. What was she expecting me to do, I don't know. I blushed more I guess, bc she was giggling. I looked away, hid my face behind my arm, and lay on the desk. Not even a minute after I turned back to look at her, how can I resist, just watching her face feels like heaven.

I doubt if she will even talk to me after university, but I can't see myself surviving without her.

Okay but this is high key flirting. I know that things aren't that simple because of where you live but if she doesn't like you, I would be VERY surprised.

__________

Bottle anon

Hey, it's bottle anon.

This might be the last instalment of my crappy luck right now.

Because my guy best friend is leaving my class. He says it's too crazy, he can't focus and he wants to learn.

Which is valid, our class sucks. But if he leaves my core group, I will never see him alone again. It'll always be with new girl. New girl does the one elective I have with him and hangs out with us.

And I'm kinda growing on new girl but sometimes I want to talk to him alone, you know? And a day before this, I was thinking new girl was amazing and kind and it might be good for me to have a girl to lean on. But now idrk. She's the stereotypical smart, pretty American girl with the singing voice. And no one gives a shit but she wants us to care.

I get making new friends is hard and she might want to impress people but it's very quickly getting old.

Anyway, I have other friends in my class I can talk to so I won't be alone when my guy friend leaves. But it still kinda sucks.

I told one of my other friends everything I'm feeling and she says that a) a lot of people dislike new girl because she intrudes a lot. Apparently she's only intruded, not made actual friends. And b) that my guy best friend will always be my friend, even if we only talk one-on-one over whatsapp or outside of school.

Maybe I'm rejecting myself from them? So I don't get hurt more? I felt bad when I didn't respond but they were so close and so... happy? I came back late from a meeting and it looked like they didn't need me. But then they both got up and told me everything I missed and how the meeting was really long. I'm not sure.

Hi!

I'm so sorry he's leaving your class <3 I think the thing is though, your friend is right- he can absolutely still be your friend. And also...him being in the same class with the other girl won't change the way he feels about you: either he likes you or he doesn't. It kind of feels like you're stopping yourself from liking the new girl because you're jealous, but you have to remember that disliking her isn't going to change your best friend's feelings. All you can do is be as honest as you can with him about what you need, and be yourself. And then just hope that he feels the same way <3

_______________

W anon

Hi again cas! I hope you're having a nice day.

It's w

I'm sad. My mom told me today that she's been struggling because my dad's job depends on his work connections in town (I don't wanna out myself but it's a very complicated situation) and that she feels like she can't say everything she needs to say because of that. Like in terms of the administration. She wants to speak out and defend everyone but especially migrants, but feels like it would jeopardize my and my siblings safety. And like, she's right. But I hate that this is the world we live in.

I did ask her if we could go to a protest! She said if there's one in town, that she's following a lady that organized the last one, maybe she and I could go. Dad and fhe kids, not so much obviously. I'm kind of scared but I can't do nothing you know. Like if everything is this shitty and I can't do anything else right, at least I can idk.

I nearly said something the other day, cause a state senator showed up at a school thing, and gave this whole bit about how like, social media is bad for teens, and *his daughter* told him she didn't want any (it was so condescending and weird), and also we'd all make such good mothers some day (at a women's. Leadership. Event. Also I complained about that irl so if you recognize me no you dont). I don't want kids. Can you just like, belive me? Even my parents, who are pretty good about stuff, think I'll change my mind. I don't want to have kids and no one believes me.

I've been having a hard time functioning lately but I've never been good at asking for help. And there's so much stress on my parents already. I'm spiraling a bit and I don't think it's gonna get better. Idk. I'll be okay.

-w

Hi <3 I definitely understand why this makes you frustrated, It sucks that people have to hide their views in order to keep their jobs. I really hope you're able to go to the protest! Also it sounds like that senator is gross.

I want to remind you that it's okay to ask for help. People who care about you want to be there for you, and it's okay to rely on them. <3

_______________

Betrayed anon

Hi Cas, your ask Cas posts help me very much, I just need to get this off my chest. My ex best friend betrayed me. It's really complicated. But she was like one of my favourite people. I trusted her. I talked to her a lot. She knows my insecurities, my deepest insecurities, she knows how much I struggle about body image, she knows that I sometimes have panic attacks and that I sometimes struggle with the consequences after that. I found out she makes jokes about my body, about one time when my trousers broke when I had a panic attack (I luckily had a spare) because I was holding it too tight. And... yeah. It hurts like hell. And I don't think I've done anything wrong for her to start doing this to me. I just... I just feel like I'm never enough or always too much. Never good enough. And that also complicates my other friendships with people who actually stand with me.

Hi <3

First I want to say that even if you did do something, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Nobody does, and I am so sorry that happened to you. I completely understand what you mean when you say it's affecting other friendships but please remember that you deserve love and kindness and there ARE people in the world who will give it to you. You are wonderful just ho you are and you are worthy of friendship, I promise <3

________________

PG Anon

Hi hon <3 I'm so sorry things have gotten worse. I'm sending you so many hugs and I'm here any time if you need to vent.

______________

Cassie Anon

Cassss I need ur help :) 

I’m 17, and all my friends are demanding I get a bf 😭 which is fair they all have one dunno what’s taking me so long. So there’s this guy I was gonna date, everyone says he’s so hot and he’s popular and does football and all that jazz, but lately i’ve thought it’s a bad idea. He has a girl best friend and I didn’t expect to be weird like this, but something about when they’re together bugs me.

I know he’s interested in me, he flirts with me a lot, usually just me, and he’s even asked me out before but it didn’t feel right then. 

Funnily enough his girl best friends name is emmeline 😭 like the maraudersss. She goes by Emmy though. And listen, I have no right to be insecure yet I know, we’re not even officially dating, and that kind of is my fault, but she’s stunning Cas 😭 How am I supposed to compete with that? Trust meeee, you haven’t heard her laugh, or seen her smile. Idk how he’s not in love with her. 

Maybe he is. It would make sense. Then I wouldn’t have to date him. But i’d have to find someone else 😭 Why is this so hard wtf. All my friends are like “oh yh I looked at him and I felt it” FELT WHAT?

I’m convinced they’re making it alllll up Cas I swear, who looks at men and falls in love at first sight, their eyes don’t sparkle like the movies say. Ive never once noticed a guys eye colour. I just need my dream, perfect, movie like guy to appear so I can feel whatever it is they’re talking about. 

ALSO, there’s this rumour that Emmy is a lesbian. But I don’t think that’s true. This is a small town, and everyone here is straight. Aside from like, the obvious. And she doesn’t look gay, she wears this insanely good smelling perfume and layers of jewellery in an effortlessly fashionable way and actually i know nothing about how gay people dress. Do they dress like that? And also, do you see how my jealousy is getting away from me? Why do i care about how effortlessly beautiful she is? I’ve never been particularly insecure about myself. Maybe it just means i really am interested in him. That’s good right?

It would be convenient if she was a lesbian tho then I wouldn’t have to worry about her and my “future bf” (that’s what all my friends call him). I don’t really know anyone’s who’s not straight in real life though so, how am I supposed to tell? I made the mistake of asking my friends once and they went on this ignorant rant about how you can “just tell”. “Seeing if a guys gay is as easy as falling for a guy when you’re a women Cassie” Oh rlly? YEAH IF U MEAN REALLY REALLY HARD FOR BOTH? THEN YEAH-

also my name is cassie :) ik cas doesn’t stand for cassie but it’s a cute coincidenceeeeee 💖

Also also, there’s a chance Emmy only bothers me cause she doesn’t like me. I don’t want to have a bf who’s best friend doesn’t like me 😭 And she always comes up with excuses to leave whenever i’m there I swear. I’ll be hanging out with them and she won’t even look at me. And I don’t know what I did. Maybe she does like him and she feels like i’m taking her territory or whatever. I’m not that into him, she can have him if she wants. Except that immediately makes me jealous so i’m clearly not that good a person, I guess that means I like him though 😭 THIS IS SO HARD. Maybe everyone doubts themselves this much. 

Literally, the other week I was at a low-key party at his house and cause he’s kinda rich he has this jacuzzi and when I arrive hes in it with Emmy. Don’t get me wrong tho, they weren’t touching or anything, it seemed platonic. Excpet she was in this blue bikini that looked wayyy to good to be near him, and he was wearing, you know swimming trunks, and when I took of my over clothes (I wasn’t walking to his house in the freezing cold in just a bikiniii 😭) she legit looked so uncomfortable? Then when i sat in his lap (yes i AM bold if i try) she just GOT UP AND LEFT? And he watched her go with these sympathetic eyes like, what sort of mating ritual have I interrupted, MY BAD 😭 

Anyway, I assume the solution here is to pick another generically hot guy and date him? I think i’ll catch feelings or whatever eventually. Thats gotta be how that works. 

And just leave him and her behind. But I like her so much, aside from when i’m jealous ofc. she’s such a cool person and like I wanna be her friend and go on double dates with her, but she doesn’t even like me. 

And he’d make the perfect bf, that’s what all my friends say. 

So yeah, any advice? 💖😭💖

Phew okay. First of all, PLEASE do not date someone you don't like. Don't force yourself to date someone, no matter what your friends say. It will just result in you getting hurt, I promise. You don't have to date anyone you aren't interested in, and the way your friends are pressuring you makes me sad. Again: please do not date anyone you aren't interested in. Ever. You deserve to be with someone you like!

Second: Emmeline may or may not be a lesbian, but the way she dresses isn't necessarily an indicator lol.

_____________________

HU Anon

Hey have you ever met a bipolar audhd person with scoliosis chronic leg pain who is also demifluid omniromantic and greysexual with a girlfriend somehow?

Well guess what know you have

-🇭🇺

Nice to meet you!

[growling]

I think I have way more of a chance being aplatonic in Poland because of the uhhhh *gestures* you know the. Friendship thingy in Poland. Actually nevermind I wanted to cryptically stop the post right there but do yall wanna hear about the Poland friendship thingy

Okay so most Poles (uppercase or lowercase??? I mean I know all adjectives like polish are lowercase in polish but uppercase in english but what about. whatever) are pretty flabbergasted at English and American people using "friend" so freely and for almost pretty much anyone they positively interact with for an extended period of time because in Poland you ever have only one (or perhaps two, if you're lucky) True Friend in your entire life that's an unbreakable bond that's gonna last until the heat death of the universe, you don't just throw that around lightly, and the rest of all the people you really like are just acquaintances or pals or mates or vodka buddies. It's less about Hanging Out Often and more about trust.

I don't even personally think that the english word "friend" and polish word "przyjaciel" mean the same thing or should still be translated that way as if they do because. Przyjaciel is not just friend sorry. Deeply tragic that the english language has no word for przyjaciel if I think about it for a moment. "friend" as it is commonly used in English and American culture etc is more akin to the word "kolega" meaning acquaintance/buddy/mate/pal/fellow/guy i like but won't leave my wife and kids for. I practically never even hear of people here even calling each other "przyjaciel" because it's kind of a heavy word that could put a burden on the person you're calling it (with the expectation that either they or you will drop everything to always help each other through any hardship and shit) especially if the feeling's not reciprocated. I know for sure none of my parents or anybody in my family that I know of have "friends".

It's still used by little kids and in cartoons for them, because as a kid it's just usually so much easier to have close relationships like that lmao, but as soon as you start growing up it just stops lasting (unless you REALLY are committed to each other) and you're effectively friendless forever unless you find yourself a Guy to live out a traumatic slowburn romance fanfic together except it's completely platonic or something. I mean people still think you're weird for not socializing enough but to a way lesser degree. My tumblr experience is just Devastating Culture Shock one after another with it's usual platonormative posts going viral every 2 seconds.

Do you like me infodumping about Poland . I will do it again

[astroprompts]

✧ —𝐁𝐎𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 [𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟸]

“Why do we even have saucers? We don't drink tea!”

“Do you have a thousand dollars? Because each minute I spend talking to you, that's how much money I'm wasting.”

“You're the only one in this building who isn't a total snooze-cooze.”

“No one watches this show to feel feelings. Life is depressing enough already!”

“All this time, I assumed there was more to me than everyone thought. But maybe there isn't.”

“I don't care if you are happy or not. You have a job to do.”

“Look who finally decided to pick up the phone.”

“You must think I'm a real monster.”

“You were born broken, that's your birthright.”

“Can't say I'll miss it, but we did have some crazy adventures together these last few weeks.”

“Sometimes you wanna go where no one knows your name.”

“Is that name supposed to mean something to me?”

“I want to do things with you. Fully clothed, sober, in daylight hours.”

“Look, you obviously really care about this girl and that scares you, so you sabotage yourself.”

“How about you just stop sulking and go win her back, dummy?”

“I'm cynical, and I'm possessive, and I can sometimes fly off the handle. I'm not always the best at being not terrible. But I want to be better, I'm trying to be better.”

“Why do I always do this? I push away everyone I care about.”

“No matter what, we're going to stick together.”

“I'm no good with funerals. When I cry, it messes up my makeup and then I get really bummed out.”

“Okay, you're clearly in one of your moods.”

“Why serve dates and not have a place to put the pits? You know, some people just have no class.”

“There's so much to hate about what you just said.”

“Shove it up your ass with a spoonful of sugar, you supercalifragilisticexpiali-bitch!”

“You know, maybe it's for the best we don't get together that often. We'd most likely drive each other mad.”

“No one knows how to get under your skin like family.”

“You wanna check out this cool new game I got?”

“I know there's no accounting for taste, but come on.”

“There is no shame in dying for nothing. That's why most people die.”

“Quick, jump out the window, shimmy down the drainpipe and wait in the car.”

“When you don't regret the tattoo in the morning, that's how you know it's love.”

“I guess I was just foolish enough to believe this dumb world still had a little spark of romance in it.”

“Look, what happened back there is not your fault.”

“If you wanna go for a walk in the woods at night, go crazy, but I'm not going anywhere.”

“Look, pal, I'll pay the bill, just-- Just let us get you to a damn hospital.”

“Um, do you wanna talk about what happened?”

“Any time someone tries to love you, you shove them away.”

“I was this badass overachiever that had these big plans to change the world.”

“So, now you're just gonna do whatever a teenage girl says?”

“I don't need you to like me. It would be fun if you liked me, because I'd prove my parents were wrong to never support me, because I earned the admiration of an authority figure, proving I have intrinsic worth, but it's not a big deal or anything. Jeez.”

“You know, sometimes I feel like my whole life is just a series of loosely-related wacky misadventures.”

“When you think something isn't about you, you find a way to save the day and realize that it was, all along, all about you.”

“Oh, is that that thing where you strangle yourself in an attempt to heighten sexual arousal?”

“So, noose-wise, what are we talking? You use a standard sailor's knot or more like your average birthday-present bow?”

“I don't know if I want your jack-off kit at my house.”

“This is the part of the movie where you get your heart broken. Where the world tests you, and people treat you like shit. But it has to happen this way. Otherwise, the end of the movie, when you get everything you want, won't feel as rewarding.”

“Jesus, why does cantaloupe think every time it gets invited to a party, it can bring along its dumb friend honeydew?”

“When we know what we know about a monster like that and we still put him on TV every week, we're teaching a generation of young boys and girls that a man's reputation is more important than the lives of the women he's ruined.”

“I don't understand why you can't be on my side about this.”

“I asked you, really nicely, not to make a big thing out of this.”

“Why does it suddenly matter what I want?”

“All I ever wanted was to be your friend.”

“Stop kidding yourself. If you really wanted the simple life, you'd have a simple life.”

“Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting, no such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives.”

“Well, I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you, but that doesn't give you the right to be shitty to me.”

“I can't be around someone who's just fueled by bitterness and negativity.”

“You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

“I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed and not have to talk about anything or explain anything.”

“I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was.”

“Hey, you wanna climb up on the water tower?”

“I'm really glad we left that stupid prom, but I'm kind of bummed we didn't get to dance.”

“Look, sometimes when you're an adult, the right thing isn't always the best thing.”

“You're the first grown-up I've ever met who actually treats me like... You know, a person.”

“I said so many things when I was young. I thought I was so deep.”

“It doesn't matter where you are, it's who you are.”

“So many times in my life I've done the wrong thing, but this is the right thing, and I have never been more sure of anything.”

“I've wasted so much time sitting on my hands and imagining what could have been.”

“If you are not out of my driveway in 30 minutes, I will call the police.”

“If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”

“Wake up, captain dumbshit.”

“Now let's get out there and tell all those garbage rat bastard sons of bastards what we really think of them, once and for all.”

“If you're holding out for something better, well, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be alone for a long time.”

“Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that's the hard part.”

[slutforelliealways]

Can’t move on ElliexFemmeReader

Synopsis: You were with Ellie when she took her revenge on Abby, you were with her when she was healing from her loss of Joel. You patched her up every time she was injured and held her in every panic attack. So when she up and broke up with you because things got hard for you years later, it wasn’t so easy to forgive her.

Part of this story is inspired by the song Watermelon Moonshine by Lainey Wilson, you'll know it when you get to it I don't wanna spoil too much. Lots of fluff and angst. Some smut and fluff with smut, also arguing and like mean Ellie at some points. Also there's a shit ton of flashbacks to different points in their relationship. This is long as fuck but I wasn't sure when a good stopping point was. Hopefully, you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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“Are you serious? You’re just gonna up and leave? Ellie please! We have a life together we have a home and a future here, you can’t just let that go!” Your eyes were stinging, you’d been going at it for hours now trying to keep her from leaving.

“I’m sorry, this just isn’t right for me anymore. I’ve got to be on my own for a while.” She was packing her bags and hadn’t looked at you since she started the argument.

“So what I’m just supposed to wait around for you to come back? Hoping you’ll snap out of whatever the fuck this is?” You threw your hands up in defeat. “You know what?”

“What y/n?”

“Fuck you! Keep the house, i don’t want to live with your ghost.” You grabbed your bag and stuffed it with as many clothes it would fit and walked out the door.

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That was the last time you’d spoken to Ellie Williams in two years, Ellie had came in around year five or six of you living there (you’d been in Jackson for 12 years total), she had Joel with her and you knew of him from his brother Tommy and his wife Maria. They had wanted you to stay with them but you insisted you could take care of yourself, this was true. Your parents had both gotten bit trying to keep you out of harms way early on in life, you’d been on your own since you were 10. You spent six months surviving the harsh world on your own until you stumbled onto the small town of Jackson one early morning, since then you’d become a valued member of society there. It started with gardening and tending to the animals, once you hit 16 you were allowed to do patrol with Tommy or Joel for a while. Finally you’d become their sneakiest and stealthiest soldier and they trusted you to do pretty much anything you wanted, this was when Ellie was finally allowed to go out and they set you two up so you could show her the ropes.

Your romance started off sweet and innocent at first, simply flirting and laughing on your patrols. Racing your horses and dodging any danger you couldn’t outrun. Ellie’s crush was a lot more obvious at first than yours was, you’d never been romantically involved with anyone let alone a girl. Sure a few boys had approached you throughout your time at Jackson but it never went past the first date. Your first kiss was Dina and it was on a dare from spin the bottle, she started dating Jesse shortly there after so you never even had the chance to catch a crush on her. Ellie was gentle before Joel passed, it was a different side of her that you’d hoped would come back one day. You spent years patching her back together, being patient when she had her mean moments and lulling her back to sleep after a nightmare. So when she came home one day and just started packing her bags it hit you like a ton of bricks.

You’d managed to move on with life after a few months of mourning, taking your old patrol back and hanging out with your friends in your spare time. While Ellie and you had been gone avenging her late father, Dina and Jesse had started a family of their own. JJ their son, was a cute chunky little boy. Dina loved being a mother and had since stopped doing patrols since it was so dangerous, Jesse wanted to keep protecting Jackson and knew his best shot at staying alive was doing patrols with you. This routine stayed put for almost a full two years, until one morning you heard a knock on your door.

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“I’m coming Jeez! Let me put some clothes on.” You shouted at whoever was standing on the other side.

“Hurry up!” It was Tommy.

You sniffed around for something clean or just clean enough and threw it on, opening the door to a blizzard and a frozen Tommy standing in front of you. “What can I do for you Mr. Miller?”

“Please, you’ve called me Tommy since you got here don’t switch it up now. I need to ask you a favor.” He took a step forward to incline you to invite him in.

“Oh sorry, come on in. Place is a mess but it’s not yours so I won’t apologize.” You snickered, waving him inside and taking a seat at your dinner table. “What’s the favor you need?”

“Got any coffee?” He asked.

“You know I do, is that the favor?”

“Make us some would ya?” He pointed to the coffee maker.

“Sure.” You rolled your eyes and got up.

“Listen kid, I wouldn’t ask you this if I had any other choice.” He was speaking low and hesitantly.

“Are you gonna keep tip toeing around the subject till we both die or you gonna spill the beans?” You put the coffee maker on and turned around, leaning against your counter you crossed your arms and tilted your head at him.

“It’s about your route for patrol.” He bowed his head, “I tried bargaining with Maria but you know how she is.”

“She switching my route up or something?”

“She’s switching your partner.” He looked up at you with sympathy.

“To who?”

“I’m real sorry kiddo-“

“Who Tommy!” You stepped forward.

“Ellie.”

“No.”

“Now look I know things got… weird between you two but-“

You shook your head and chuckled out of anger, “I’m not fucking doing a route with her. She can find another partner, or she can go fuck herself i don’t really care. Why is this even happening?” The coffee maker beeped and you snapped around to shut it off.

“Listen, Maria needs more experienced people to take the longer routes. Dina doesn’t want Jesse going that far out with them havin a kid and all, you and Ellie ain’t got much to lose and you’re far more experienced. You’re a good team kid.” He eyeballed the coffee maker and you rolled your eyes before pouring him a cup and handing it to him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. You can take it to-go, I’ve heard enough from you.”

“Now cmon y/n!”

“I’ll do it.”

Tommy’s face froze in a shocked expression before his lips curled up into a smirk, “you’re really doin me a solid here. I owe ya one!”

“Your wife owes me one. You owe me a few, now get the fuck out please. I need to get ready for my shift.” You opened your front door and gestured for him to leave.

“Give me a hug so I know you’re not mad at me.” He reached his arms out.

“Fuck off.” You leaned in and nuzzled into his jacket. He smelled so much like Joel it made your eyes water. “Get out!” You shoved him lightly and he chuckled as he headed out back into the snow.

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You made sure to take a shower before leaving your house, even did your two braids extra neat to keep your hair out of your face before throwing on your dark grey beanie. You picked out your second warmest jacket, the first one being the one Ellie had gifted you for christmas one year.

“I found it while Joel and I were exploring an abandoned mall. Figured it’d keep you warm during the harsh winters. Can’t have my girl freezing while she’s protecting the town!”

You shuddered at the memory and snatched the other light brown jacket and threw it on, all your supplies were neatly packed into your dark green backpack and you were sure you hadn’t forgotten anything. You took one final deep breath before heading out to the stables to get your horse, and see Ellie again.

“Hey y/n!”

“Hey Seth! How’s my boy doing?” You waved at the stable boy and approached your horse Bentley.

“He’s a strong one! Tried reigning him in last night and he knocked me over twice, you must be teaching him to do that!” Seth laughed as he handed the reigns to you.

“Yeah maybe, it’s a good trick out there. Should teach him when and when not to do it though, sorry about that.” You patted Seth’s shoulder and saw him smile to himself. Seth was one of the boys you’d gone on a date with back when you were teenagers, he was so smitten by you that you had to cut it short and go home. It didn’t feel right leading a boy on just because you wanted to make Tommy and Maria happy by finding a partner.

“Oh hey Ellie!” Seth waved behind you and you whipped your head around to see the girl you’d been avoiding for years.

“Wassup Seth!” She waved back. Before getting a good look at her you snapped your head back to your horse.

“What’re you doing here? You’re usually second shift I thought.”

“Yeah i uh, my shift got switched to first.” She rubbed the back of her neck and avoided eye contact with you.

“Alright thanks Seth I’m gonna take Bentley to the gates okay. I’ll see you when I get back if you’re still here!” You gave his hand a quick squeeze and took Bentley with you out.

You hadn’t even made it fully to the gate before hearing hooves quickly trotting behind you, “wait up!”

“Keep up!” You shouted back at the auburn haired girl.

“I’m trying but you’re walking too fucking fast.” She said out of breath as she caught up beside you. “You done this route before?”

“Every fuckin day.” You huffed out, not even looking her direction just staring straight ahead.

“Alright. You gonna ignore me the whole time?” She leaned her head forward trying to catch your eye. Her hair was different, no longer in the bun she usually had it up in. She had half of her hair down and the other half tied up, some of the shorter pieces were framing her face and brushing her cheeks. She looked good, but you couldn’t acknowledge it.

“Just about.” You scoffed and started walking faster.

“We have to be around each other all day y/n. You can’t at least pretend to be cool with me?” She sped her walk up to keep up with you.

“Ellie, i- we’re cool okay? Just don’t feel like talking.” You came to a halt and turned to finally face her.

She froze in place, she hadn’t caught up with how you looked either. Your hair had grown, you’d gotten some new piercings and tattoos from cat. You looked older, more mature and more like a woman and not a girl. “Wow.” She gasped.

“What?” You spat out.

“You look- just, wow.” She looked you up and down and then up and down again. A smirk formed on her lips and she shifted her weight from one hip to the other.

“Thanks? Cmon we’re gonna be late.” You started walking fast again trying to get ahead of her so you could freak out for a second without her seeing.

You got to the gates and met up with the rest of the groups that were going out, Jesse walked up to you. “Dude I am so sorry I didn’t know she’d pair you up with… her.” He pointed to Ellie.

“It’s fine. You’ve got more to lose than either of us do so it makes sense they switched us, we’re good don’t sweat it.” You gave him a hug and hopped up on your horse.

“Alright gang we’ve got some new procedures to instill! First off we’re happy to see some new faces going out today, don’t worry you’re all in good hands. For the not new guys, as usual be safe and don’t run into the fire if you don’t have to. If you see anything unusual just log it down and come straight back home!” Maria looked at you when she said the last part, you’d been known to handle dangerous situations by yourself. It wasn’t that she didn’t think you couldn’t handle it, it was the fact that you were the closest thing her and Tommy had to a daughter so losing you would ruin their world. You nodded at her and she dropped her gaze and continued, “for my new routers and new partners, be a good team. Work together, and remember to communicate a lot and keep conversation going to ensure you’re both okay. Everything else you should already know. Now go, be safe and come back to us!” She nodded for the guys to open the gates and two by two every pair rode off and split to their respected routes.

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You and Ellie rode in silence for a while, she’d ask a question or try and crack a joke and you’d simply respond by humming to yourself. After a couple hours she finally gave up and simply rode next to you, once you’d gotten about halfway through your route you found a good spot to have lunch and you paused and hopped off Bentley. You tied him up to a tree and plopped yourself down on a tree that had fallen a couple harsh winters ago, Tommy had pointed it out and you made a mental note of it as a check point if you ever got lost.

“We can stop here for a bit, I’m hungry.” You announced dryly.

“Sounds good I’m starving!” She hopped down from her horse shimmer and tied her up next to Bentley. She eagerly sat down next to you and began rummaging through her bag for food.

“You didn’t bring anything did you?” You more stated than asked her. You knew she hadn’t, her appetite hadn’t been the greatest but neither had her memory, back when you did patrol with her you always had to share your lunch with her since she always left hers somewhere else.

“No I did I know it’s in here some-“ you shoved your sandwich bag in her face which had half a chicken sandwich in there. “Oh, thanks.” She smiled at you.

“Yup.” You took a bite to prevent you from having to say anything else.

“So how’ve you been?” She said with her mouth full.

“Huh?”

“Sorry”, she swallowed, “how’ve you been?”

“Fine.” You took another bite.

“Just fine?” She questioned.

“What exactly are you expecting to come out of this conversation Ellie?” She looked shocked at your statement, you’d never been harsh with her before. Always gentle and coddling, she was supposed to be the harsh and mean one.

“Look I know I fucked up but just hear me out-“

“Fucked up? Fucking up is burning the coffee, missing a step on the stairs, letting the dog out without a leash, and dropping paint on your shoes. You broke up with me because I started having nightmares and you couldn’t handle them. You didn’t fuck up Ellie you fucked me. You dipped and I never heard from you again. So please spare me the theatrics and apologies and let’s just keep this professional okay?” Your appetite was gone and you threw the remainder of your sandwich out in the woods.

"I could have ate that", she exclaimed.

"You've already taken enough from me." You snapped back and stood up. "We'd better get going, the sun is gonna start setting soon and I don't wanna get caught in the dark." You undid Bentley's reign, shimmers too, and handed her off to Ellie before mounting Bentley.

"How much further up do we need to go?" She shouted from behind you.

"Couple more miles! Then we just make our way back, it's a super easy route it's just longer than what you're used to." You shouted back at her.

"Alright, just don't leave me in the dust. You're pretty good at that." She shouted before catching up to your speed.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." She laughed.

You took that as a challenge and whipped Bentley's reigns to make him speed up, you may have been the fastest on foot but Bentley was the fastest horse in the stables. You picked him out because of how difficult he had been as a baby, stubborn and unwilling to listen to any of the trainers. Once he met you though, someone equally as stubborn, he quickly obeyed every command you gave him. It was a match made in heaven, two stubborn individuals that came together as a perfect pair. You looked back to see if Ellie had caught on to what was happening, she was grinning from ear to ear at the race. "Come on keep up!" You shouted back to her.

"No fair you got a head start!" She squealed.

"Never stopped you before." You leaned forward to get less air traction and a better grip on Bentley. He felt the interaction and pounced forward to gain more speed, as you reached the top of the route you were on you sat up straight and Bentley came to a pause. "See that wasn't so bad was it?" You turned around to face Ellie who still had some distance to go. You laughed at how she struggled catching more speed and pretended to tap a watch on your wrist as she caught up with you almost a full minute later.

"Whatever you said I didn't hear it, I see you and Bent still have your weird little connection. How'd you get him to listen to you like that anyways?" She was breathing heavily and trying to play it off.

"Had a lot of time to train him after... I just had a lot of free time for a while. He's only four so we still have a long ways to go, but he does okay." You tried to chuckle off your stutter and looked down at Bentley's mane.

"Can we please talk about it?" She pleaded with you.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Y/n! You know there is."

"Ellie, you're pushing it." You warned her.

"Okay, okay fine." She put her hands up in surrender.

You rolled your eyes, "We need to get back now, write down that everything was clear and then just follow closely behind me okay?"

"I always do."

"What? Write it down?" You raised your brow.

"Follow closely behind you."

You took off on Bentley and didn't look back, you needed to cry without her seeing. You knew when to slow down so Shimmer could catch up but for just a couple minutes you needed to just sob into Bentley's mane and pretend you were alone. As much as you wanted to believe you had healed from your breakup it was clear there was still some wounds that needed healing, you knew talking about it could help but it just wasn't in the cards for you right now. The idea of sitting across from the girl who broke you and explaining to her how just felt like a bullet to the chest, which you could accurately describe seeing as you'd taken one. For her.

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The ride home took half the time it took to get to the lookout post, you rode in silence once again and this time Ellie didn't bother saying anything. She hummed to herself a familiar tune you just couldn't quite make out, it drove you so crazy you started humming your own tune. The same tune Maria would hum to you when she was cutting your hair or cooking for you and Tommy, it was some country song she said she would have given anything to see live. You never did get that stupid song out of your head. As you approached the gates you saw Jesse and his partner coming in from the East, he waved at you and you guided Bentley toward his horse.

"So how was patrol for you?" He awkwardly chuckled.

"Fine." You said dryly.

"Better than me then, my partner is the new guy Jordan. Fucking idiot I tell ya, never seen an infected before and just had to check it out! Had to save his ass like four times before he finally stopped approaching them head on."

"Hey Jesse, are we still on for drinks later?" Ellie had ridden over and joined in on the conversation.

"Uh yeah, Dina wanted to join that cool?" Jesse looked back and forth between you and Ellie awkwardly. "Y/n you wanna join?"

"Oh... no thanks I'm pretty tired. Maybe next time yeah?" You started guiding Bentley away from the pair.

"Just one drink!" Ellie shouted.

"Huh?" You stopped in your tracks.

"Just one drink, then you can go home and sleep." She approached next to you and had a pleading look in her eyes.

"I uh, can I shower first?"

"Yeah, yeah of course! Shower and then meet us all at the Tipsy Bison, I'll save you a seat." She smiled and wandered in the gates.

You stayed in place shocked that you'd agreed to go. "She still wants you you know, maybe you should give her a second chance." Jesse said now next to you.

"Maybe you should fuck off and go home to your girl and kid before I steal your place as JJ's father." You laughed and wandered into the gates of Jackson.

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"You're Ellie right?"

"Oh, yeah hey. I assume you're y/n?" The shy auburn-haired girl asked.

"You'd assume correctly!" You reached your hand out for her to shake it. "We're on patrol together today, so just stick to whatever I do and we should be good!"

She took your hand and shook it, "Sounds good. I've heard you're like the best soldier we've got here."

"Maybe not the best but, yeah you know what I am the best." You chuckle.

"Nobody mentioned how pretty you were gonna be. I feel stupid for my appearance now." She rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"Oh!" You blushed, "You look fine. I mean... you look good! I'm sorry, I'm like naturally fucking awkward."

"No! Don't even worry about it I am too, sorry I honestly shouldn't have said anything. Not that I didn't mean what I said I mean you are super pretty I just-"

"Ellie." You put your hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah y/n?"

"You wanna grab your horse and meet me by the gates?" You nodded at Shimmer.

"Yeah, I'll see you there." She smiled at you and exhaled heavily.

"Don't make me wait." You winked and grabbed Bentley.

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As you stood in the bathroom looking at yourself in the mirror you couldn't help but wonder what tonight's events would entail, would you end up in a fight with Ellie? Would you make up? Would you make out? You brushed your hair out and put on your best going-out clothes, along with your warmest jacket. You took your time with the brisk walk over to the bar, the jacket had been a smart move because as the sun went away so did any warmth it had brought on earlier in the day. You walked up the steps and paused at the door to sneak a peek to see who was inside, as promised Ellie had saved you a seat right next to her. Your face went warm and you suddenly felt excited to go in, your happiness faltered when you remembered who you were getting excited about and you took a step back from the door. What the fuck am I doing? You thought to yourself, without thinking you found yourself turning around and heading back to your place. You had just barely made it off the steps when you heard the door open and the little bell ring, "Hey y/n! Where ya going? I saved you a seat."

You paused and turned around to face her, "Oh, hi Ellie. Sorry I didn't see you guys in there so I thought maybe you cancelled plans and I didn't get the memo or something."

"Yeah sure, just come in." She stepped down and held her hand out for you to grab.

You walked past her and into the bar, "Dina!"

"Hey honey how are you!" The brunette stepped out of her seat and walked toward you with her arms stretched out for a hug. "It's been a while since I've seen you in here. It's good to have you back!"

"I'm not back, just out for the night. How have you been?"

"I asked you first." She smirked and glanced over at Ellie who was defeatedly sitting back in her seat awaiting your attention.

"I've been... you know." You shrugged.

"Hiding away in your dungeon."

"Yeah." You chuckled, "I guess I have."

"Well you're here now, that's all that matters." She nudged your shoulder and went back to her seat next to Jesse.

"Nice to see you out y/n." Jesse exclaimed before taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah babe we already had this talk." Dina nudged his shoulder hard.

"Ow! Okay sorry I didn't know."

"It's fine, really." You assured him. "I think I'm gonna go grab a drink, I'll be back. Anyone want anything?" You got out of your seat and headed to the bar before anyone could reply.

"Hey honey, wasn't expecting to see you here." Maria was tending the bar and already had your drink ready for you.

"Hi." You tried to avoid speaking to her. It was her fault you'd even opened this can of worms to begin with.

"You gonna be mad at me forever?" She questioned.

"Just until you switch my patrol partner."

"I didn't assign you to her, she asked. So you might want to redirect your anger to the little auburn girl staring at you over there." She pointed to Ellie who looked away as soon as your gaze landed on her.

"What do you mean she asked?"

"I mean she came to our house last night and asked to be your patrol partner from now on, said Dina and Jesse agreed to vouch for her if you asked. Sweet Pea I would never have done this had I known you'd be so upset with me. You know I love you." Maria leaned over the bar and reached for your hand.

You reached out and took her hand, "Thanks for the honesty. I'll see you later, I gotta go." You turned around only to be paused by Maria speaking again.

"Give the poor girl a break, she's lost a lot."

"And I haven't?" You snarled as you turned around to face her again.

"I didn't say that I just-"

"God! Everyone in this fucking town coddles her like she's the only person here who's been hurt or lost someone. It's like everyone watches out so we don't hurt poor, broken, fragile Ellie. Give me a fucking break would ya, she's fine! She's happy, smiling, and hanging out with my friends. So please can everyone just spare me the theatrics and leave me the fuck out of her drama. I want a new patrol partner immediately!" You hadn't noticed you were shouting and that everyone in the bar had paused what they were doing to stare at you. Including Dina, Jesse, and Ellie. "Shit." You stormed out of the bar and speed-walked back to your house.

"Y/n wait up!" You heard footsteps behind getting closer to you.

"Go away Ellie please, I don't wanna talk to-" She grabbed your arm and spun you around to face her.

"Then just listen!" She was breathing heavily and her nose was pink from the cold, "I, am so sorry! I'm so sorry for leaving you, for never picking up your pieces after you spent so long putting me back together. I'm sorry for taking your friends from you, for acting like you didn't exist. I'm sorry for-"

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"What the fuck is going on with you? You're like so weird right now, constantly shutting down, you won't even touch me anymore." Ellie was blocking the door trying to get you to talk to her.

"Please just let me leave, I'll come back but I've got patrol." You were trying to shove past her but she was must stronger than you were.

"Please y/n I'm begging you, talk to me. Say something, anything!"

"I'm telling you, I need to go before Maria gets on my ass."

She didn't respond, she just stepped out of the way and opened the door for you.

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"Not being there for you when you needed me most." She had her hands on your shoulders to keep you in place while she spoke.

You felt frozen, your face was cold and you were fighting back tears, "Fuck you, Ellie." Was somehow the only sentence you managed to spit out.

She blinked hard and tried to keep her face from looking shocked, she wasn't. She knew you had no idea about the times she stood outside your door for hours hoping you'd need something from town and bump into her. How many times on patrol she'd found flowers or a cool gadget and brought it home with her with the intention of bringing it to you, or the number of times she'd left a letter on your front porch only to snag it back before you went out for your morning shift. Ellie knew all you had received was radio silence from her end, so she released her grip on your shoulders and let you walk again.

"That's what I thought." You spit out and turned toward your home. You made a quick turn down and alley and blocked the world out for the rest of your walk, your tears felt as if they were burning your cheeks and you tried wiping them off but they were streaming quicker than you could wipe.

You saw your house and sped up to a jog, you busted through the gate and headed up the stairs. "I don't have my fucking keys." You wined out loud.

"I do."

You turned slowly and faced the voice. "Why do you have my keys?"

"You dropped them when you ran away from me", Ellie was holding your keys up and shaking them at you. "I brought whiskey."

"How the hell did you get a whole bottle?"

"Joel had it in his house, I figured he'd been saving it for a special occasion so I saved it for one too." She approached you slowly.

"Just unlock my door for me would ya? You can come in if you must." You slapped your door and waved for her to speed her walk up.

"Yes ma'am!" She smirked and ran up your stairs for the door. "Here hold this." She handed you the bottle of whiskey as she fiddled with the lock.

"Hurry up it's fucking freezing." You laughed as you bounced a little trying to keep warm.

"I'm trying it's a tough door ba- y/n." She cleared her throat.

"Try harder." You huffed.

"Got it." She shoved her shoulder into the door and it busted open.

"Careful! I don't feel like having to ask Tommy over to fix the door, he'll drink all my coffee."

"You'd have the same issue with Joel." She laughed.

Her laugh caught you off guard, not because she didn't laugh ever but because she laughed in the same sentence Joel's name was mentioned. Anytime Joel was brought up in conversation in the past Ellie would simply bow her head and leave the room on some poor excuse like she needed to use the bathroom or she needed a shower. You knew she was leaving because she needed to catch her breath before a panic attack set in, you'd usually follow shortly after to talk her down before she blacked out. This went on for a year and a half, you spent all your time making sure she was okay by the time your body had caught up on your own trauma. She was healed and ready for the next chapter in life, one without panic attacks and night terrors. So you healed in silence, which to no surprise wasn't very effective. For two years you talked yourself down from every panic attack, every meltdown, and every blackout. Not a single soul in your entire town had any idea you were falling apart behind closed doors, you were ten years old again and screaming silently for help. The only person you wanted around had decided you were too much, or not enough. Just not what she needed anymore, so she let you go.

"You owe me a drink for letting you in here." You say to her as you throw your shoes off.

"I owe you a drink? You wouldn't even be in here if I hadn't brought your keys to you." She laughed again a bit louder this time.

"I wouldn't gotten locked out of my own house had you not begged me to come to the bar." You turned toward her with your eyebrows raised.

"I guess you're right about that." She bowed her head and rubbed her neck.

"So yeah, you owe me a drink."

"I guess I do, where do you- actually I got it." She went into your kitchen and found your glasses right away.

You had to blink to focus your vision, it was hard to believe Ellie Williams was standing in your kitchen. This house had never had her inside of it, it was your sanctuary away from her. Decorated exactly how you wanted it and untouched by her opinions, you had things scattered around that reminded you of love. Pictures you managed to keep of your parents and of Tommy and Maria scattered around your walls, along with randomly scattered carpets you would strap onto Bentley on a patrol and bring home. "This is weird Ellie."

She paused and looked at you, "I know."

"Why did you ask for me to be your patrol partner?"

"I uh, wanted. No needed to talk to you." She continued pouring the whiskey in an attempt not to make eye contact with you.

"Talk to me about what?" You sat down on your couch.

"Nothing in particular just missed your voice." She came and sat next to you, handing you your glass nonchalantly.

"Oh." You took a sip and winced at the strong flavor.

"So yeah, pretty lame excuse I guess."

"Yeah, I guess." You rolled your eyes.

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"You're being silly! I know how to swim, I've just never done it." You exclaimed and then took a sip from the mason jar.

"You can't just know how to do something but never practice it." Ellie laughed and reached for the jar.

"You can if you're me."

"Maybe you're right or maybe you're just overly confident. I guess we'll have to test your theory sometime." Ellie put the jar down and looked up at you.

"What?" You almost shouted.

"I don't know if I'm saying this because I'm drunk or because I'm just ready to share but, I've got like a serious crush on you so."

"Oh really? I couldn't tell." You snagged the jar and sipped the whiskey Ellie had stolen from Joel while he was sleeping.

"Shut up!" She chuckled. "Give me some of that don't hog it all!"

"Here." You handed her the jar, "So why did it take you like three years to share this information with me?"

"I don't know, couldn't tell if you were into me or just like this with everyone."

"Ellie I'm not like this with anyone", You leaned in close to her, "Just you."

"I noticed that", she put the jar down and leaned in closer. "What're you doing?"

"Testing a theory", you closed the gap and pushed your lips onto hers. She grabbed your face and you fell back on the blanket with her on top of you.

"Have you done this before?" She gasped.

"No. Have you?" You asked shakily.

"No, do you want to do this?"

"Ellie I've wanted you to be the one forever.” You pulled her in and closed the gap between your lips once again. She pushed deeper into the kiss and let her hands begin to wander your body, it started innocently and slow. The more you kissed the more she touched, the more she touched the more you wanted her. “I want you.”

“You have me.” She breathed into you.

“No. I want, all of you!”

She paused and looked at you with a smile spreading across her lips, “I want you to have all of me."

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"Do you remember that day?" Ellie interrupted your daydreaming.

"What day?" You look up at her.

"You know, that day." She said sheepishly.

"Oh, yeah how could I forget." You smiled at the memory.

"Do you regret it?" Her face looked prepared for destruction.

"No. Do you?" You sipped your drink.

"Why would I?"

"Because, you know." You couldn't say it out loud.

"Because you left me?" She interrupted.

"You were leaving first." You stated.

"I- you're right. I was leaving first, physically." Her phrase confused you, "But you left me long before I ever planned on walking away."

"You don't know what you're talking about." You leaned in.

"Oh I don't?" She leaned in.

"No, you don't. What're you doing Ellie?"

"Just, testing a theory." She kissed you.

"Mm no! No, I can't, we can't do this. You need to leave, now."

"Y/n come on, please don't make me go." She pleaded.

"I'm not thinking clearly and you can't be here, you're infecting my space." You shuffled around and got up to go toward the door.

She grabbed your hand and pulled you to her, "I can't go another day without you baby. You take up every inch of my mind, you're ruining my days not being with me. Please my love, give me another chance."

"You need to leave, I'll see you tomorrow for patrol. We can talk more then." You yanked your hand away and went over to your front door, she got up from the couch hesitantly and put her jacket back on. You waved her out the door and watched her walk down your front porch steps, she turned around and faced you.

"Do you want this? Really?"

"I want to be okay Ellie, and I don't want to drag you down with me. I don't want to rely on you again only for you to leave me, I'll see you tomorrow." You closed the door and slid down the wall and cried.

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Ellie had planned to go home after you kicked her out, she even made it halfway home before pausing in her tracks. She saw Tommy and Maria laughing and walking to their home and stopped them for a chat, "Hey Tommy! Hey Maria!"

"Hey, sweetheart what's going on? Why are you out so late?" Tommy questioned, Ellie saw a lot of Joel in Tommy whenever he showed any concern.

"I just was walking home from y/n's house. Could I ask you something?"

"Anything." Tommy waved Ellie over to join them in their walk, their house just so happened to be two doors down from your home so Ellie didn't mind following them one bit.

"What uh, what do I have to do to make her come back?" She asked nervously.

Maria answered, "Oh honey, I ask myself the same thing every day. She hasn't come back to anyone since you seemed to get better, it's like she's a ghost wandering the walls of Jackson. We try to get her out, try to make her laugh. She's gone, and I'm not sure she's coming back. I know her life before Jackson was awful and part of me seems to think she believes she's still out there."

"What do you mean?" Ellie paused in her tracks and stared at Maria and Tommy.

"You don't know?" Tommy questioned, shocked by her confusion.

"Know what?"

"Y/n was... alone when we found her. Or more so she found us, she stumbled upon our gates one night completely covered in dirt and blood. Some of it was hers but most of it wasn't, she refused to talk for a while. Wouldn't even sleep unless she was left alone, we don't fully know what happened. But I think it's safe to assume whatever she saw out there, was worse than most of us have seen." Maria looked away and stifled a cry.

"She's never gotten real close to anyone, besides you kiddo." Tommy patted Ellie's back. "You good to make it home okay? I can walk you back if you want."

"No. That's okay, I'm gonna... hang around for a bit if that's okay. See if she comes out of the house for anything."

Maria leaned in for a hug, "Just don't stay out too late, you both have patrol in the morning."

"Yes ma'am." Ellie hugged them both goodbye and waved them off until they got into their home.

She sat on your porch and waited, it got colder and she shivered but she stayed sat and waited. She heard nothing at first and thought she was making it up. It was subtle, just whimpers that could have passed for a sad puppy. Then she heard your yelp, a bang and then she was up on her feet. The door was locked, she banged on the door but you didn't answer.

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You tried to keep quiet, to act as if you had it together and your chest wasn't caving in. Your vision began going blurry and you couldn't catch your breath, your sobs got louder but you couldn't hear them. You didn't even notice you'd fell to the floor until you were being picked up gently.

"Hey hey hey, come on let's get you to bed yeah? Shh, it's okay I know, I'm here. I got you, baby, I have you now. You're safe."

"I can't- I can't-"

"I know baby I know, you're okay. I'm not going anywhere you're safe I have you. You're safe." Ellie had broken down your door after hearing you cry louder than she'd ever heard you before.

You had been clawing at your chest when she found you, beating and clawing like you were trying to get your heart to beat again. Like you couldn't get your lungs to take in any more air, she wasn't sure what to do at first. She thought about running and grabbing Tommy or Maria and then she remembered what Tommy had said, you'd never gotten close to anyone besides her. So she did the only thing she could think of, she picked you up and reminded you where you were.

"Ellie I-", your breathing slowed. Her touch had soothed your burning skin, you felt her breathing above your face. The surface beneath you no longer cold and hard, you were in your bed. You wanted to say something important, let her know how bad you had gotten since she'd been gone. "I love you." Was all that came out, and then you crashed. Your body finally relaxed enough to fall asleep, you didn't fight it. You were safe now, warm and loved.

"I love you baby", she kissed your face relentlessly. "I'm here now, just sleep." As she looked at your sleepy face she had to turn away, she saw it now. How bad you'd gotten, how much you'd held in so she could fall apart. Why her leaving was so cruel, and why you had hated her for it. She cried silently over you that night, she sobbed while you slept in her arms. She didn't dare move even when her arms hurt, and her legs fell asleep. She let you sleep, and she let herself cry without blacking out. She was healed, you were not. It was her turn to glue you back together after all this time, and she was fully prepared for the task.

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Authors Note: Very much tea very much jumbled, let me know if you liked it and if I should continue with a part two! Kind of just in the mood to write a shit ton of little fics and see where they take me, anyways. Love ya, hope life is being kind to you! See you next time xoxo Gossip girl.

[serve-corps]

Riri x fem reader

3k words <3

FUCK. see, you've recently been struggling because some loser company figured out that you're even more of a loser than them because your love life is drier than the Sahara desert. they took great offence because they want to be the biggest losers so they sent someone to fix it.

more like some thing... this baked bean looking creature with a witch hat and a stick with a sparkly star on top which you presumed was a wand was just floating in front of your face with a little smile on its face.

"Riri.... what do you want?...." you groaned out, turning to flop on your bed, muffling your words with a pillow.

this little fuc- i mean shi- AHEM i mean wizard was assigned to you of all people to help you find a romantic partner, a lover, a mate, whatever you want to call it, this thing was trying to get you one.

despite trying their hardest, you managed to make all the "possible" love interests Riri set up for you to get your life in gear to actually either friendzone you and you not giving a shit or lose feelings fast because you purposefully changed your personality and looks to not suit their tastes.

it might be a sociopathic and manipulative move but you don't want to get into romance. you've got a handful of extremely close friends and you've bore witness to the heartbreak just one person can do to someone. just watching it break someone like how it broke them...

yeah. you said fuck that.

Your friends always tell you how wonderful love is; in retrospect, you have had crushes before. but you fizzed them away, concluding it to only be attraction or stupid teenage hormones.

we're going to completely ignore the fact you bully the shit out of Riri on the basis of whenever you saw them, watching them suffer as their efforts are in vain. but you hate to see them sad for some gut-hurling and wrenching reason, you usually make them a little something. YES YES, I KNOW why the fuck would you make something for a baked bean-shaped magic dildo-looking wizard? well, it just felt right.

when you saw Riri sitting on the edge of your desk with their head down, swinging their feet; you swore you saw a teeny tiny mushroom trying to peek out of its hat, you actually felt sorry for them.

here's the thing. you knew Ansu very closely, you played games with her as a kid, still dabble now and again but Ansu always asks you to make cat stuff for her. specifically clothes.

you searched some tutorials online and made these clothes with great skill and somehow good quality. your father inherited a very very high quality, multipurpose sewing machine that was great at its job.

making Riri something couldn't be too hard, right?

you were actually working on it days ago but you made something similar to a cat bed, it was pastel yellow and pink, it had a fluffy base and stuffed with memory foam, you made this shit good.

wanna know why you were so proud of yourself? you made a detachable dome that could be buttoned on! it even had a button-up door! if Riri wanted privacy while taking a cat nap!

thinking of it made you let out an accidental "awweee" which made Riri turn to face you, their legs still swinging and a crocodile tear in their eye, a single one fell making you let out a snort.

"HEY! You need to stop making this so difficult! You know you're the reason I'm in trouble at work! right?! *ugly sob* I'm gonna get so fired!" they flopped down backward onto the wooden desk with a slam, you winced at the sound, showing concern. a red bump was forming on the back of their head from that one.

as they were wallowing in pity, you decided to get your project out of the box you hid it in. Riri was rolling around on the desk at this point, whinging and whining about how, in a politer term, dealing with your love life was bullshit. you kinda agreed but you softly placed the small bed that was about the size of both your hands cupped together in the corner of the desk, where the lights were the softest.

walking to where Riri was laying down, hopelessly looking at the ceiling with a miserable expression, you crouched down to be face to face with them.

"i have a 'I'm sorry for being such a fuck up' gift? will that make you feel better?"

the way they sat up so fast and stared at you with sparkles in their eyes was gobsmacking. they went from crying to jumping up and down on your desk like an excited little puppy. cute.

"PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE-" was all you heard which made you want to pave your head in but you just sighed, pinching the top of their hat and lifting it off their head.

"promise to trust me though? And no flying or Peter panning away?" you said with a stern look, still trying to let them know they didn't have to if they didn't want to.

the sweat dropped at this, thinking it was a bit weird to ask but robotically nodded, "I guess?- AH!-" You scooped your hands under Riri who was surprisingly a warm little thing that felt soft and squishy.

they just accepted their fate at this point as they relaxed in your warm hand, they felt almost as soft as you thought Riri felt, you couldn't see because they're yellow but they were blushing in their wizard way.

you started to walk to the gift and asked them to close their eyes, they complied with little hesitance, usually they're used to getting a good beating from ansu in these types of situations but they for some reason felt so much trust in you.

your warm hands left their body and they fell for less than a second, snapping their eyes open but before they could react, they fell on something really soft and comfortable. almost as comfortable as your hands. it was a little bed!

"woaaahhhhhhhh did you get this for me?!" they said with happiness as they jumped on the bed a little, "no I didn't, I made it! it's got more! wanna see?" you said with pride, this was the hardest thing you've ever made after all.

they looked at the gift in awe as you attached the dome to the base of the bed, unbuttoning the entrance and gesturing them to go in, and you bet your ass they did, they dived in snuggling the thing. you buttoned it back up letting it be darker, but slight light managed to go through the fabric which was very little light anyway.

you said to the Riri who was embracing the new gift, "again, I'm sorry I'm so difficult to work with, I've just, never been one for love, this is the best I can do....for you at least." you mumbled at the end, looking at the time, 12am. ansu would 100% be asleep by now so it's best you do too.

walking to the light switch you turn it off, then laying in bed, feeling content that not only they liked it- no loved it, they were sleeping in the same room as you tonight.

little did you know, Riri was sitting in their dome, furiously blushing at the implication that you could even possibly love them. their- 'heart'? so to speak was thumping loudly in their chest.

they peeked out of their dome, seeing you asleep. they carried their bed to your pillow, quietly and got back in. They were unsure if they should button it up so they couldn't see you, or keep it undone to gaze at you throughout the night...

before they could decide, your hand reached in and held the side of the bed, that was a decision maker.

you awoke to soft, cute? snores? hold up, what?

your eyes opened to the light of the sun filling your room, fuck off sun.

Riri was next to your hand with the dome off completely, resting their head on your hand and their body on their bed, huh.

WAIT WHAT?

for some reason, you turned red at the sight. no way...your heart beating fast, your face is flushed, palms sweaty, thoughts racing, scenarios happening in your mind, feeling bubbly? the shit?! you better not be in love with a baked bean?!

you carefully got out of bed, not waking them. you started pacing, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck okok just, just take a walk! yeah! that'll stop this madness! hahahaha please god help me.

You got changed, noticing that when you flicked your eyes back to Riri, they seemed a bit orange, not as yellow as normal. huh. wait...COLOUR THEORY. PINK + YELLOW = ORANGE! THEYRE BLUSHING! That mother fucker peeped. huffing, there was nothing you could do about it now.

"Riri, wanna come on a walk with me?" if you actually had intelligence, you would make a clone of yourself and beat the shit out of yourself. turn it into a version of the Hunger Games but a clone edition. how fucking dumb are you? this was your escape from them. down the drain that goes!

they sat up slowly, still slightly orange, looking away from you they nodded. That is out of character. you furrowed your brows and tried to move past it.

they waved their wand and suddenly there was a rip-off Kagamine Rin in your room! she had slightly pink cheeks and you could damn near say this is a very pretty girl. why do blondes do this to you?

"R-Riri?...that you dude?"

"who else would it be dummy?" they said with sarcasm. but somehow pulled a cute face with a peace sigh with their hand.

you picked up a random gummy bear from a packet you were eating and threw it at her head in annoyance, she caught it in her mouth and started chewing on it, giving you a grin.

little shit. you glared with such sharpness, you could cut her hair.

this led you to be walking around a quiet park with Riri, you watched her analyse the couples around us, giggling, holding hands, kissing even. just don't look. it'll never be you anyways.

you were kind of depressed knowing you were hopeless at getting someone to like you let alone date someone. Riri was straight up staring at them, you low key thought it was creepy.

sighing through your nose, you reached and grabbed Riri's hand, intertwining your fingers. "see? it's not all that great..." you ate your own words after you said them because holding her hand for some reason made your heart flutter.

she wasn't any better, she was a flustered mess, she never felt this before, was it okay for a wizard to be in love with a human? wait, what? did she accidentally admit that to herself?

she glanced at you, who was looking at a very fluffy-looking dog that you tried to hide a smile as you looked at it's cuteness. lips pressed together and nose scrunched as you resisted to urge to run to it and bury your face in its fur.

Riri unconsciously had a smile sneak its way onto her face.

maybe she didn't need to analyse couples after all, she could just analyse the two of you!

the dog strutted away from you, as though it knew it was cute. you pouted and turned back to Riri, still expecting her to be analysing the couples around you, you did a double take when she was just gazing at you with a soft smile, unlike her usual idol rip-off smile.

that...that caught you off guard. "Riri? are you okay?" you muttered softly as she widened her smile back to its normal idol self and a sharp nod sent your way.

you're hands were disconnected for a while as you were admiring the dog not long ago, you missed the warmth as it was a cold morning. yeah. that's why. But that was short-lived as after the girl returned to her spirits, your hand got snatched into her own like it owed her money. The grip was firm but it seemed you were the only one who had a reaction to it, it just made her smile wider while it made you try to tug out of it in shock, you were weirded out and showing proudly on your face.

all hope of escape was abandoned when she let go, only to wrap an arm around yours. walking in large steps towards the lake most people come to the park to see. you felt like it was a kidnapping when she sat you down on the bench furthest from everyone.

you sighed, "Riri...what are you doing?" you asked tiredly as the girl for now was swinging her legs back and forth, holding on to your hand for dear life.

"helping you figure out how love scenes should play out! without you friend zoning them." she said with a glare and tight smile at the end. so she saw all of the times you've ruined her attempts then...oops.

"Riri, I know how they play out, I've just never wanted it to play out." you said as you rolled your head back in boredom. to you, a heart feels heavy, its a burden after all. on the contrary, thats never stopped anyone.

Riri looked puzzled and looked intently at the lake, slowly forgetting she was holding your hand. "why wouldn't you want that? don't all girls?"

you snapped your neck to look at her in a dumbfound state, is this what that loser company had been teaching the wizards?

"no! NONONO! absolutely not! not every girl wants to be stuck in some shitty romcom where the girl has a harem of boys thirsting for her love! some just want... a gradual emotional development. a genuine one." you started to rant, your tone becoming more stressed.

"Riri...this 'love'...that you think is true isn't! its just not right. love isn't about looks. about personality. they're key factors, yes. but are they what makes love? fuck no!"

you grabbed both of her hands and made her face you. She was the one in shock, there was no romantic book that she's researched that ever had a scene like this...and what you're saying....is it not true?...

"if these wizards just taught you love was something about looks or personality, then they don't know their shit. those are called crushes, but they're no long-term." you calm yourself down as Riri stays silent throughout all of this, just holding your hands in return and a slight pink dusting her cheeks.

"Love is about the companionship, the trust, the emotional connection, a gradual thing. nobody can fall for someone in less than a week. its about hardships and blessings. unfortunate situations being dominated by closeness. That's how it forms..." the way you were looking into Riri's eyes almost made you recoil as you realised, you were describing how you fell in love. COUGH what? hm? I didn't hear anything.

you looked back at the lake after letting go of her hands, your fingers twitching every now and again as you came to realise how passionate and hopeful you sounded, it sounded like you knew what you were talking about; like you knew what love was.

flicking your eyes back at Riri for less than a second, you saw she was just...staring....mouth slightly parted but there was...pink on her cheeks? was she flattered by this? or...flustered? nooo. she can't...wait...maybe?

you snorted into your hand at her face and she realised how pathetic this was.

"What are you laughing for! this isn't fair! i haven't done anything funny!" she whined as she writhed back and forth in a worm-like way while she was still sitting on the bench.

"that reaction's pretty damn funny if you ask me" you said with a giggle, patting her shoulder softly as you stood up and brushed yourself off.

"now can we finish-" you cut yourself off by waving your arms around, gesturing to all of the things around you "all of 'this'?" you finish.

The poor blonde sighed with her head down, slowly dragging her feet on the trek back to your home. Little giggles left your throat the entire time, yet you did feel embarrassed about that little tangent about love and its deep meaning. but eh, what's done is done.

getting back to the house and flopping on your bed and sighing, you heard Riri looking around again when a though crossed your mind, "how on earth did you turn into a girl??" you propped yourself up on your elbows to look at her in confusion, only for her to pull out her wand and tap it against her head with a cheeky grin,

"Trade secret my precious little (y/n)!" suddenly her body slowly morphed into a taller form and looked more masculine.

"NOW A DUDE?!- SHIT ARE YOU GENDER FLUID?! AH FRICK I HAVENT ASKED YOU WHAT YOUR PREFFERED PRONOUNS ARE-"

your voice came out panicked before Riri sweat dropped and covered your mouth with his hand. "its not that serious-"

as he spoke, he forgot where his hand was, your face slowly warmed up as he was extremely close to your face and his hand was the only thing between your lips in all fairness.

Your eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips, and your face continued to get painted in a vibrant red.

Only after your long silence did he realize that your proximity may not have been the most appropriate and he also pulled away with a blush and frantic hands all over the place.

The silence in the room was deafening as you both sat and stood in awkward quietness. Well, that was shattered when Riri spoke up.

"Y'know at the park? Does that mean you HAVE fallen in love?" his hands were fiddling together as he asked the question, and an unusual emotion for him to feel was brewing, nervousness.

All that question squeezed out of you was a sharp nod and a quick moment of eye contact.

"for me?" his voice came out small, sounding almost fragile as his face reddened, sparkles flying around him and you coughed harshly into your hand looking away. The avoidance was getting harder as he got closer and closer to your face. The over grown human version of puppy eyes we slightly working.

Screwing your eyes tightly shut, but if you kept them open, you would have noticed his puppy eyes face was leaning closer and closer, coaxing you to tell him. You gathered every ounce of courage your body had to offer and turned your face to his, making the close distance between the two of you non-existent as the boy squeaked and your face bloomed a scarlet.

Wouldn't have happened if he didn't get so close.

both of you slowly calmed down yet the kiss never broke, you opened your eyes to see his face only to see a soft gaze looking at you for approval to continue, this was the final push you needed to hold his cheek and put pressure into the kiss, so it was a real kiss.

you slowly leaned back and saw a vibrant red kageme len sitting in front of you, a hand rushing up to cover his lips and a tiny feminine squeal left his mouth.

"take that as a yes you baked bean." you gruffed out, crossing your arms and leaning away.

Your attempt was futile as he jumped and glomped on you laughing like a maniac and burying his face in the crook of your neck, nuzzling almost as he made you nearly fall on the floor. Your hands rested and steadied themselves on his waist.

He leaned back from his overpowering hug and, softly, with the utmost care, grabbed your chin and smiled before gently pressing his lips to yours. You felt dizzy as you let him. Every time you pulled away, he'd let you take a breath, and then he'd dig back in for more.

From every moment you two were together, you had to be touching. Riri's orders were so you complied. As time went on with Riri's company pestering them about your love life, they replied with "work in progress." However, when it came to getting a bonus, they normally held hands with you, sending them a photo of their progress.

Normally you giggle at this and jump onto their back, making them carry you to get you a snack from your kitchen.

[starlightandetherealshadows]

How are the ros when in a romance with mc?

Hi angel!

I'm going to describe kind of overarching "themes" or motifs for each of the romance options and their routes. There won't be many spoilers, but lil fun hints (fun is a loose term cuz im kinda evil).

Also, you'll get to experience romances with the RO when you read the story hehehe, trust me it's coming! The demo is only up to chapter 1...gotta give MC some time to heal from that sweet spicy trauma (or not).

Chapter 2 Part 1 is coming along quite nicely, I'm anticipating it to be about 30K without code.

Without further ado, here are the romance vibes for the RO in Memento Mori!

Delphine: "i never knew love until I met you", breakfast in bed and massages after a long day, she wants to spoil you, "i wish i could stop time, I wish I could keep this forever." You make her feel worthy, you make her feel seen. She remembers all of your favorite things, her love language is words of affirmation and gift giving. She's protective over you; she lets you see the parts of herself she keeps hidden. all her favorite love songs are about you.

"I wanna love me, the way that you love me. for all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too. I'd love to see me from your point of view. I wanna trust me, the way that you trust me. Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do. I'd love to see me from your point of view" POV by Ariana Grande

Honorable Mention: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Zero Chevalier: "MC over morals", it's soft smiles and softer touches, like you're the most precious thing he's ever held. it's wide eyed surprise at your reciprocation, love that is dark and consuming, you're in his sweetest dreams, and you're the light in his darkest nightmares, "remind me that this is real." has a hundred drawings of you in his sketchbook "You're my home."

"There's a lover in the story, but the story's still the same. There's a lullaby for suffering, and a paradox to blame. But it's written in the scriptures. And it's not some idol claim. You want it darker. We kill the flame." You Want it Darker by Leonard Cohen

Honorable Mention: Peace by Taylor Swift

Xa'eks/Xa'veed: war between head and heart, not sure who is falling first and who is falling harder, not only bends the rules, but breaks them for you. overwhelmed by the severity of their emotions, wants to make up for all the years they spent without knowing you, has told the stars about you, knows they will lose you but loves you like they won't, you could live inside them and it wouldn't be close enough, love language is physical touch

"I can't help but love you, Even though I try not to. I can't help but want you. I know that I'd die without you. I can't help but be wrong in the dark. 'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts. I can't help but want oceans to part. 'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts" War of Hearts by Ruelle

Honorable Mention: Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift

Ayana Tsosie: let me be your peace (when the world is going to shit), there's nothing wrong with loving again, we have more on the line than love, you can't fight your heart without hurting yourself in the long run. she keeps an eye on you across rooms and battlefields, she treats you as her equal, you've become one of the best parts of her life (new and old), you borrowed her heart and refused to give it back, but she gave it willingly. your hand in hers is what love poems are written about.

"Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight. Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself. Will it ever get better than tonight?" Glitter in the Air by P!nk

Honorable Mention: Love Me Like You Do by Elle Goulding

Cecelia/Chase: friends to lovers but I love my friends just as deeply, they don't know they love you until they almost lose you, there's butterflies in my bloodstream (it must be because of you), partners in crime, communication without words. they know what you need before you do, they bring you flowers and will choose to stare at you over the most beautiful sunsets (because nothing compares in their eyes)

"I'm dancing in the dark. With you between my arms, barefoot on the grass. Listening to our favorite song, I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person" Perfect by Ed Sheeran

Honorable Mention: Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur

[chevelleneech]

https://www.tumblr.com/chevelleneech/760082890025582592/the-fact-that-jm-views-jk-as-his-brother-has-been?source=share

Anon could be right, we'll never know. So I won't even bother providing counter-points about what Jimin has been saying about JK all these years that easily debunk JM possibly seeing him as just his brother.

But this reminded me of the whole Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez story lol. Remember when Justin and Selena became close and the media got so "curious" about the "true" nature of their relationship but they insisted it was nothing but a friendship? Selena was a guest on the Ellen DeGeneres Show and Ellen obviously pried about her relationship with Justin again and Selena was just so appalled that everyone would think she and Justin have a thing going on and literally said "Oh my god, he's just like a little brother to me!"

A year or two later, she came on the Ellen Show again. They had recently gone public as boyfriend and girlfriend. Ellen was like "so... he's like a brother to you huh?". Selena blushed so hard, she was so embarrassed🤣🤣. I can't remember what her response was, I better go search for that interview again.

And I just wanna say that personally I will never really buy it when someone says they see someone close to them, who they aren't biologically related to, as a sibling, especially if they just have the kind of chemistry Jimin and Jungkook have. Yes, it is very possible to love someone like that. But I'd always choose to take such things with a grain of salt

How many times have celebrities said they see each other as siblings only to go public with a romantic relationship later? Selena and Justin aren't the only ones. And I personally know of people who did see each other as siblings for the longest time only to discover they have/or develop deeper feelings for one another later in life.

Half the time, people say shit they don't mean, or say shit they *did* mean at one point that stopped applying later. People change and evolve, and so do their minds and feelings.

People grab on to the “like a brother to me” thing, because they somehow thinks it’ll eventually make JM and JK real siblings.

People have referred to others as familial then ended up dating them, since the dawn of man. Typically because most people date friends anyway. Of course many don’t, but the point still stands. Referring to someone you’re building a career with and must form a formidable bond with, as a little brother, culturally and colloquially, is normal. Not a single person in the world would think it’s strange that persons A and B might say, “They’re like family to me.” about each other, then go on to date. Not only is it a common occurrence, it’s the back bone of both “childhood friends to lovers” and “best friends to lovers” romance tropes. Realizing The One has been standing by your side the whole time.

The only time it becomes weird, is if the people involved legitimately grow up together and/or are raised as blood or legal siblings. JM and JK did not, though. They met while trying to make the cut for the same boy band. They then both made the cut and went on to become best friends, so close they referred to each other as brothers. Then at some point they realized their feelings went beyond brotherly, and are now dating. Possibly.

Nothing about that is odd, because they’re not related by blood nor foster/adoption. So even if they spend the next decade saying, “Like a brother to me.” while dating other people, then at 40 decide to tell the world they’re dating for the first time, it wouldn’t be a big deal. People date their best friends every day.

[mysteriouswolf]

Adding a read more cause it's literally just my random thoughts and a bit of a vent:

Being acespec and arospec as a minor fucking sucks. Because if I even begin to mention it to anyone besides some of my close friends, I get shut down with "but you're only *insert age*. Things change as you get older. You'll want those things someday."

And it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts because I KNOW. SEXUALITY IS FLUID. I KNOW THIS OKAY? And I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I want to be met with "okay. If you never want those things, that's fine. You're your own person who gets to choose what they want and what they don't."

I know things might change. But I want support for who I am now. Because I hate to break it to you, but almost everyone I know has had at least a crush, if not a first kiss and a romantic relationship by this time. And I don't want one. I don't have any interest at ALL. And I don't remember really ever truly wanting it except for wanting to fit in with other people.

I dunno why I'm so suddenly upset about this. I haven't even came out to anyone recently. It's just hitting right now and I don't know why

Oh wait fuck I need to take my meds. Wait this makes so much more sense now. That's why I'm freaking out--OHHHHHHH WAIT OKAY IMMA GO DO THAT

I'm not expecting anyone to really read this besides maybe Royal, Char, or Geode. If you're here and actually made it this far, hi lmao.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is just like- I have this one friend that I've had since 7th grade. They're really kind and supportive, but they've got a lot of shit they deal with in their personal life too. (Home issues, anxiety, anorexia, etc). And so I'm always there to support them because I care about them so fucking much and they really care about me. And if I ever need help, I can go to them and they won't question it.

It's just- they've like...been infected with romance-fever. For the past year. And it's all they wanna talk about, and usually that's fine because it *usually* isn't repulsive to me. But sometimes it is and I feel like they don't know how to communicate with me otherwise

Also random side note. They like guys. I don't find guys at ALL attractive (very rarely I get aesthetic attraction towards a guy but usually it's like one on the Internet or a fictional character lol) but they wanna show me whoever they're currently dating and I don't know how to react. I'm just like...yeah. cool.

And for the record, I'm not gonna stop being their friend. I care about them too much for that. And this literally won't even be an issue anymore cause I don't think I'll have any classes with them next year and they're mainly a school friend so whY IS THIS STILL BOTHERING ME

Oh

Wait

It's cause it's 10pm and I literally just took my meds. They haven't done their magic yet

Right

Okay. Good. Then my brain will go back to normal soon.

You get a picture of Rosie is you actually made it this far into the post. I'm impressed lmao.

Imma go listen to some music until my brain shuts off now. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably put on your cover of Well It's Better Than The Alternative Royal because it's stuck in my head and it's really nice to hear someone singing who isn't doing it to like. make money. Just to sing and make their friend happy cause sing. :)

Idk if that made any sense. Okay. I did a shit ton of work today. I didn't know setting up a fish tank for the first time was so much work. But not I am tired.

Byeeee

-Mysterious

P.S. I found a really pretty shell today :333 Also wtf does P.S. stand for???

[greencloakedfae]

Thanks for the tag @ferociouslycreativemystery :D

3 non romantic duos:

1. Charles Devereux & Nell Jackson

I mean ofc. They're both such little shits on their own and when they're together they just amplify that in eachother. The way they just mess with eachother, trying to set eachother up for embarrassment when pretending to be Lord and Lady Shankley having tea with the rich people, insulting eachothers wanted posters, and their entire exchange with Nell pretending to be a doctor. They fall into such a great duo almost instantly, and I think that they could have been great emotional support for eachother if we had seen more of their relationship in a second season. All the fanfic for their platonic relationship written holds a special place in my heart.

2. Merlin & Gwen

Merlin will forever be one of my hyperfixations I come back to over and over again, and these two are always so sweet together. I wish we got more of their friendship in later seasons, but early show Merlin and Gwen is so special.

3. Ellie and Joel

The Last of Us will probably always be one of my favourite video game series. Both because the story of both games is absolutely amazing, but also because I played both games and then watched the show with my dad, and being able to enjoy it together was just really fun and sweet.

A ship that might surprise others: I mean I'll happily entertain almost any ship of any type of dynamic so there's probably heaps that fall into this category. But staying on blog theme I've been turning over the chaotic mess that would be a Polly/Nell/Sofia ship in my mind a bit lately, especially Polly/Sofia honestly.

I feel like all dynamics at all stages would be really interesting to play with. Especially cause Polly and Sofia probably represent what they each hate about upperclass society to eachother, with Polly being hyperfocused on romance and more 'frivolous' things, and Sofia on the more business side of social heriachy and such. But they're both women who just want control over their own lives to do what they want rather than what others want them to do, and they're both intelligent and strong women in their own rights, and I feel like they would respect that in eachother once they get past the initial surface level distaste. Then throw in Nell, forced into the middle of this strange situation thanks to the other two's crushes/obsessions/whatever you wanna call it, just trying to get on with her life and not quite sure what to do about the attention (but also not really hating it) (at least from Polly, she probably would not appreciate Sofia's attention, especially at the start lets be real). I'm gonna stop before this post accidentally becomes a headcanon dump, but many thoughts are brewing if anyone is interested lmao.

Last song: Wishing Well by The Oh Hellos. Been on a big The Oh Hellos and The Crane Wives kick the last few months. Just really fun, story telling songs (that are great for applying to fictional characters lmao)

Last film: JOY - The Birth of IVF. Ofc I watched this cause Louisa Harland is in it, but I fully recommend it to anyone. It was such a good movie and a really interesting story, and I definitely think I cried a little. It's streaming on Netflix if you're interested.

Currently reading: I'm so slack at the moment with reading, but I've got a few in my TBR. Mainly the rest of the Lockwood and Co series, but also Celestial Monsters (which is the second book to The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas, and I absolutely loved that book)

Currently watching: Nothing at the moment :/ I've just been rewatching shows lately. But I am planning on finally watching Arcane with a friend whenever I finish my honours application and my current work contract !

Currently consuming: If this is about media, then I'm currently watching minecraft videos from ItsMarloe lmao. I don't have time rn for a minecraft phase and his videos are sweet soooo. If this is about food, then mango :D

Currently craving: uhhh for ADHD to stop kicking my ass and let me write my lit review and finish any of my 4-5 wips

Tagging a few ppl who might be interested, and no pressure ofc. Also feel free to count me as tagging you if you want to do it: @greencheekconure27 @not-a-hawk @arya-skywalker @butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway @broodytinygaycarmilla

[crippling-characters-addiction]

Masterlist and Info

What I'll write

- fluff/comfort yippee happy happy happy

- suggestive (not full on smut but like yk)

- smut! get as kinky as you'd like in the requests, can't promise I'll be comfy with everything but maybe I'll try it out wink wonk

- angst (I WILL CRY but I'll write it)

- one-shots and drabbles because I lack the motivation to write something in parts (maybe I will one day, idk, let me just up my ADHD meds)

- headcannons (and SFW/NSFW alphabets)

- mainly male characters bc I'm ✨G A Y✨ but if you reaaaaaally want a female character then I'll try my best

- poly relationships also 🫶

- song fics also <3 shh don't judge me, I daydream to music

- crack fics if I manage to be funny </3

- Vampire, Merfolk, Cryptid, etc AUs also rock

- platonic! romantic! sexual! queerplatonic! friends that cuddle and kiss! childhood friends to lovers! enemies to lovers! lovers to enemies! enemies that fuck because they want to kill each other so fucking bad! parent!character and child!reader! fluffy childhood friends! anything is game!! as long as it's not like- pedophilia or rape because I will kill you with my own hands

I'll also only write xreader bc that's my specialty

I won't write fem reader sorry girls/femme aligned peeps </3 (you can still interact I guess but I won't write fem reader)

male reader, gender neutral reader, non binary reader that's all fucking good <3

trans masc reader!!! (I'm trans masc agender)

if you do ask me for a tmasc/gn reader please specify the body type you'd like to have! (top surgery and no bottom surgery, bottom growth, etc)

Characters/fandoms I'm into

Arcane

Viktor (mmmwah mwah mwah baby)

Jayce (can't stop looking at her t- t- t- t- face)

merman!Jayce headcanons (sfw and nsfw, gender neutral reader)

Crowns and Armor (Knight!Jayce x Prince!reader headcanons)

JayVik (poly)

Silco (young or old idc)

Vander (also young or old or even the furry version if you into that)

zaundads/Vanco (poly) (also young or old)

Salo (I hate him so much I want to fuck him raw)

Scar (my bb </3)

Steb (also my bb </3)

In- [INVINCIBLE] (huh? what was that?)

Mark (UGH he's so FINE why is he straight </3)

William (I love him he's so sassy)

uh other Marks (hehe my favorite is the one with no goggles bc he's a masochist <3 I'll bash your head in bby don't worry)

Rex (hey bby how about you explode my a- NOT LIKE THAT)

The Arcana

Asra (MY BABYYYY MY BABY)

Muriel (also my baby)

Julian (stupid dumb baby)

Nadia (queeeen I love her)

Portia (Portiaaaa yaaaay)

Fictif (Last Legacy)

Felix (babyyy)

Rime (I hate him so much I'll suck his dick)

Sage (OOOH BABY)

Escell (you wanna fuck that old man? so do I)

Lucan (titties?- sorry- tittie? sorry- tittie? sorry)

Fictif (Movie Romance)

Miguel Bravo (ik I'm also latino but DAMN he's FINE)

Nicky Valentino (mmmm sugar daddy-)

Fictif (Roadkill)

Poe (babyyy)

Fictif (Courting the Crown)

Ryan (Ryan? more like rawr- kill me)

Gwydion (I chose the option to be amazing at archery but I'm actually really shit at it)

Theo (YES yES I'll marry you again)

Fictif (Monster Mannor)

Casimir (I like to bully him cause he's a dumb rich kid <3 and also french)

Rainier (babyyyy you poor baby I will kill that wizard bitch for you my baby)

Yuurivoice

Seth (I wanna be cooowboeh baaaybeh)

Charlie (my rat <3)

Alphonse (hey, all those sweets... what else is sweet, huh?)

Auron (choke meeee *ahem* what? who said that?)

Finn (Finneas?? his head isn't even triangular!)

Bittersweet duo (poly Seth and Alphonse)

Delicious in Dungeon

Laios (stupid HIMBO I love him)

Fictif (Ghosted)

Jesse Rodríguez

Disclaimers

Remember I am also a person with likes/dislikes and boundaries and you are not my boss so I'll write whenever, however and whatever I want <3

I am eighteen years old (you'll have to trust me I'm not showing ID)! and I'm not gonna tell minors not to interact with my content because number one you'll do so anyway and number two reading porn is not bad or immoral! maybe just don't DM me <3 (which why would you anyway) and if you're gonna request smut do so anonymously for your own safety

Also, I won't judge you for any kinks you might have, even if it's something I'm not comfortable writing (I'll ignore your ask if I don't wanna write it) as long as everything you're into is legal, ethical and consensual I won't throw hands <3

Also also! feel free to just send me random thoughts, I'll simp over characters with you <3

And finally, I'm not a native english speaker but PLEASE if I make a typo or a grammatical/spelling error TELL ME

- Love (and also lust), Yuno