#i don't think im the problem
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why do I laugh every time people tell me they cried reading what I wrote while giggling and twirling my hair lol
#is it me?#am i the problem?#i don't think im the problem#am i the villain?#i dont think im the villain#daisy’s daily bs#fic: you hold my heart in your hands#ao3 writer#fanfic writing#ao3 author#ao3 fanfic#marauders#rosekiller#rosekiller fic#writers on tumblr
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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saw a post the other day that said that psych survivors were overexaggerating and fearmongering for saying that people should be aware that having diagnoses on your record can be a danger + impede your life. and the more i think about it the more annoyed i am. because i think people need to know that there are exceptions to health privacy laws that can make having psych diagnoses and psych hospitalization history on your record risky depending on your circumstances. diagnoses follow you through your health interactions-you do not have to consent to have your information shared between providers. judicial proceedings are also an exception to the HIPAA privacy rule, so for things like custody battles, guardianship, getting orders of protection--the court can petition for medical records. there's so many other situations where even if they can't legally access your information without your authorization, people will require you to disclose diagnoses, records, previous hospitalizations and refuse to give you services/hire you/whatever unless you share that information with them. for example in many states anyone (a provider, a cop, friends and family) can disclose that you have certain psych diagnoses like bipolar to the DMV which then might require that you undergo drivers license review as frequently as every 3 months. my university is actively trying to kick me out right now because i had to disclose my medical record, psych diagnoses, and hospitalization history to them as a requirement to stay enrolled.
and i don't want to scare people or make people think that having a diagnosis on their records is automatically going to mean that it is weaponized against us. because i do know plenty of people who have never faced issues with their records. but i do expect that the community supports the people speaking out about the ways that we have been harmed by diagnoses creating barriers to accessing necessary parts of our life. instead of attacking us or saying that we're lying about things we are currently experiencing.
#personal#antipsych#antipsychiatry#mad pride#mad liberation#saneism#it's just like. i think we need to be realistic! and not deny people who are literally talking about things happening to them#and also allow people who have the option. to make informed choices about seeking diagnosis#bc for many of us that isn't up to us. but if you are considering seeking formal diagnosis. there can absolutley be some good and helpful#things that come from that! im not denying that at all! but there's also some negatives#and i think also like. if people refuse to acknowlege the ways this is structurally a problem#how are we going to make it better so that we don't have to deal with thsi stuff
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I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution
#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones#their magic phones. theyre scrolls#mia.txt#tes#skyrim#oh no wait i forgot j'zargo wants the position & actively tries to kill you (these are separate events but still probably not unrelated)#and nirya's gunning for it too. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there and don't do anything#i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right#reddit says ��they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him#and he's the new boss' special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it#dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities)#(yes i know this is just how tamrielic mage guilds are but i just think its funny bc everyone fucking hates them specifically#like the rest of the town despises them and allegedly the nords have a special disdain for magic so its kind of funny that they make no#attempt to like. be more normal to gain the locals' trust#and you know what? good for them. fuck them nords)#ulothir#<- mentioned in the tags lmfao
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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being a solas fan like no i don't recognize his romance as bioessentialist. no i don't think hes cishet. no i don't think he's Bringing Back The Elves/genocidal. yes i think by the time inq has finished he's unlearned his shitty denial-based opinions. no i don't think he's a villain. yes i think he's living a trolley problem. yes i think that he is an ultimately kind person
#im tired#oopsie on the trolley problem! the boy just broke!#post canceled hdhdkdjdjdkf#i don't want stupid comments -_-#still don't think he's a villain
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hii hii lumii !! I ADORE your interpretation of lighter so far— I love him smm
anyways, I hope my req is okay but I was wondering if you could do a comfort fic ? maybe reader has been a lil distant lately and just in some feels and he gives them a lil talk after being blown off here and there to find out they were having issues w their mental health and not feeling good enough and maybe he’s caught off guard because reader is usually so out going and always has a smile on their face and to see them feel so small makes him wanna take care of them so much and gives them so much reassurance and gentle kisses and cuddles 👉👈
I hope it’s okay !! I’ve been in the feels lately
hi anonn !! im gonna answer this one first because i've been in the feels too and i think we all deserve some reassurance, especially after all of the sad lighter story.
i don't take lighter for the kind to be too intrusive. that's not to say that he doesn't notice the way you're staring off into the distance, as if always having something on your mind. or the way you left earlier than usual for the SoC's nightly hangouts around the fire. or the way you had just been distancing yourself from him.
maybe you just needed a day, or two, and so he waited. he waited, and waited, but it just seemed like it was getting worse. he was beginning to get anxious, coming up with possibilities and worse case scenarios. even his favorite grape-flavored lollipop couldn't reduce the anxiety that was building up inside of him as he followed after you one night.
he shook off his nerves, spending quite a bit of time at the front door of your lodging while in blazewood. mentally practicing what to say so that he wouldn't make things even worse than they already were. one step, two deep breaths, three knocks on your door. he cleared his voice, usually confident and smooth but now carried a hint of worry in it.
"hey, uh... everything alright?"
you could hear the ruffling of his jacket, the soft metal clinks of his gloves. he didn't dare open the door until you allowed him to, so he waited, just like he always had. "lighter? yeah, everything's fine," was that a slight crack in your voice? no, no, he had to have imagined that. he knew it was wrong but he had waited long enough. he turned the knob, opening the door just a little bit but still not walking in.
"you don't have to tell me everything. just... know that i'll be here, waiting for you." he wasn't the best at comforting, nor was he good at even navigating these sorts of things but at the very least, he wanted you to have the knowledge that you had him. it didn't take long for you to finally get up, opening the door that separated the both of you. you looked so... different. the light absent from your eyes, the edges of your lips normally turned upwards but now they weren't. if he couldn't say what you wanted to hear, maybe you'd understand through his actions.
his arms wrapped around you. squeezing you just a little tighter than usual as he somehow made the both of you waddle backwards into your room. he had kept his gloves in his pants, not wanting to hurt you even more with them. his embrace was a familiar warmth, like the fire during particularly cold nights in the outer ring. you could hear his heart racing, was it from nervousness? anxiety? fear? even he didn't know.
he took this as an opportunity to place soft kisses on the top of your head but then stopped all of a sudden. he turned around to the door and realized that it was still wide open. he kicked it close with his foot, feeling embarrassed at the fact that he had to stop because of something so minor. he wanted you to feel safe, to have privacy, to be able to breathe without others barging in. technically, he had invaded this space of yours but you were slowly melting into him, as if you had been waiting for this too.
every passing second hugging you, kissing you, it made his own worries disappear. he hoped the same for you as you slowly spoke to him about your own problems. as he listened, he'd pause every once in while to give you a deadpan stare. not because he was making fun of you or anything, but it genuinely baffled him how you could say such things about yourself. you felt so insecure about yourself and your image, about being with him, being with the SoC. he had to physically stop himself from just blurting "i love you" every time you said something so degrading.
instead, he chose to wait and listen. his calloused hands gently caressing yours, his lips pressing kisses on the side of your head as you nuzzled into him. he loves you for who you are, the person in front of him, not the image that you had made yourself out to be in your mind. but he waits for you to let it all out before he says anything else. he will wait, he will listen, he will always be there for you.
#lumiresponds ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz#lighter lorenz#zzz lighter#lighter x reader#lighter x gn reader#lighter x you#i think i butchered this req idk im sorry anon#i didn't want to make the problems very specific#because everyone goes through different things#but just know that if you're not in a good mental space#it's alright to take breaks#there are people around you who are willing to listen#and lighter exists#he would give the world to you if you so ask#i know this cuz he told me anon mhm#i also don't think i write lighter that well tbh#haha ig this is one of my own personal problems#i hope i didn't ruin him for yall#i think many other writers write him much better than me#but i really appreciate it <3#i hope that everything gets better for you anon#even if its slow it gets better
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so sorry but that post about "the reason boys and men are being radicalized is bc girls are mean to them" is driving me up the fucking wall. maybe i really am just on a different internet than the rest of you but. this sentiment of "women are being bitches who don't care about men and that's why there's Problems now" is like. such an alpha male podcast classic take. like it's literally "not all men". it doesn't magically become better bc u say stuff with liberal terminology. jesus christ
#mine#caveats i know i KNOW some ppl are annoying about this#but are we really gonna pretend thats whats radicalizing men?#that women aren't nice enough to them anymore?#'but IM a man???? so her post is about me so I'm gonna do violent misogyny'#the way u all can't fucking WAIT to blame women for everything!!!!#like are we really saying kamala lost the election cuz women aren't nice anymore???????#like somehow!!!!! i don't think that's the problem!!!!!#this shit starts young. it often is predicated on the thought#that boys are inherently superior. and that the word of a man matters more than the word of a woman#why do u think so many of these men disrespect their mothers#yet venerate male family figures who aren't around or do as much#sorry the popularity of that post pissed me off SO BAD#ACTUALLY EVERYTHING WRONG IS WOMEN'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!#U JUST HAVE TO CENTER MEN AND THEIR COMFORT IN UR LIFE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!#feminism
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I might have been working on a Shino redesign a couple of days ago and accidently ended up giving her lore... oops?
Typed out notes below (for people who can't read my kinda messy handwriting):
Spirt medium, can communicate with dead human and monster souls who still roam the living world due to unfinished business. She helps these spirits complete their final task so they can peacefully move onto the afterlife.
Lives on the surface in a post-pacifist Aftertale timeline with Geno and Goth.
Has a strange obsession with hunting down paranormal activates (believes those phenomenons are caused by dead souls).
Learning different languages in order to better communicate with spirits (fluent in English and Japanese, currently studying Spanish).
Wants to one day travel and help spirits from other AUs.
Shinohana belongs to blue-kohina
Goth belongs to Nekophy
Reaper belongs to Renrink
Geno belongs to Crayon Queen
#doodle#undertale#utmv#undertale au#shinohana#shino sans#goth sans#reaper sans#geno sans#afterdeath#i think shino is such a cute character#but i don't really like how the fandom portrays her...#there's this problem where her character has always been defined by the people around her#like she's always geno and repear's kid#or goth and raven's little sister#and im not really a fan of that???#and it doesn't help that there such little information about her#idk i just think shino has the potential to be a more interesting character#and i want to see more stuff about her being her own person#ceci art
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men with dimples will always be my type 🗣
#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal#pedropascal#ppascaledit#pedropascaledit#a man with dimples is gonna always be my type of man#the eye crinkles are a bonus#i simp for this man#also#why do ppl keep trying to soften his face??#why they do that#he is a grown man#expression lines are in the package#and i still don't understand the problem#everyone has it and I think it's ridiculous that people try to make it seem like he's the exception#and im sorry for the tags#i blame the coffee#softiedingo
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brush test slash rendering practice with ayem
#morrowind#almalexia#the elder scrolls#tes#tes fanart#art#id in alt#ok that's all the tags this needs ANYWAY#i started this 1. for experimenting with coloring from dark to light#2. because i wanted to draw someone kind of back turned to the camera#3. rendering practice for hair particularly#4. to go from sketch to rendering rather than doing lines to see if that doesn't smooth out my workflow a bit#5. because i've never actually used this brush past flat coloring#and out of those 1. i don't think i had enough of an idea of the palette or process to jump into dark to light painting so i did scrap that#and go with my usual “flat color with one of the mid shadow tones add shadows add light”#i do think that painting from shadows out is a thing people do digitally i just think this wasn't the drawing to test it on for me#i think i'd need to look at some other peoples processes and start with a more fleshed out idea of where to go#2 and 3 i think worked out. i'm gradually figuring hair out which i think is sick#4 i also think worked out for me which is also sick because i do get caught on lines a lot. they're fun sometimes but i think some drawings#benefit better from not having them and that it might be a bit faster#and of course everything i do is so that i can draw slightly faster and better for next artfight#as for 5. i have mixed feelings on this brush but that might be because i hate change. and also because i started this drawing on the 15th#of november and finished it yesterday. so im kind of just sick of working on and looking at it#it was a valuable learning experience and i think it came out well! i am also going to drop to my knees and rejoice when i can finally#close this file out and free medibang paint from under it so i can work on Literally Anything Else#thank you almalexia for being my test subject i should've used a reference for your armor when i did the sketch but i didn't#maybe the crown looks weird because of it maybe it doesn't. not my problem anymore i can draw other elves again#my art#iiii think i forgot a my art tag last time
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"go to palestine and see how they treat you" okay. i did. they treated me like normal. i'm palestinian and queer and they treated me just fine. but you know where i was treated like shit for being queer??? the u.s. of fucking a.
#i hate that argument “go to palestine and see how they treat you” because like lol. im a queer palestinian#palestinians are very queer#many of my palestinian friends and even family are queer or queer supporting#because we're educated. palestinians are extremely educated because we use knowledge as a tool of our liberation#and bc we're educated we are also accepting of queer identities#like seriously man. if you genuinely think all palestinians are homophobic then you've got some extreme racism problems#palestine#free palestine#that being said obviously there are homophobia problems in palestine#and all around the world#palestine isn't special with the homophobia#but we gotta be normal about this guys. we don't have time for queer liberation because we're too busy fighting for our basic human rights#we can work on queer liberation once palestine is freed
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pov i did in fact get a (v cheap) cane to see if it helped any but I'm??? apprehensive about using it or telling anyone about it cause im?? Idk if it will improve my life but it's a temporary solution until I can go to the doctor. Anyway this is just me telling someone( the internet) about it cause it frankly should not be this big of a deal. It just is cause that's the type of person I am. I mean- my friends can attest to me not being able to stand or walk for long periods of time, I just don't want them to??? i don't wanna say judge me, but maybe think I am being dramatic?? It really is temporary to see if it helps so. Idk. I know they probably wouldn't but man im just.ragh. I also was under the assumption that canes are just for support when walking but apparently nthey are also helpful if you have trouble standing. good to know cause that's where most of my issues lie. walking sucks too but I can usually deal cause im too focused on other things such as 'dont get hit by car' and 'dont let knees get too straight'
ALSO SIDE NOTE I WILL BE GOING TO A DOCTOR SOMETIME AFTER JANUARY IM JUST LITERALLY TOO BUSY AND POOR RN TO DO SO
#anyway#ughh#I am the type of person who does the 'am i gay quiz'#i also have not figured out if im aromantic for this same reason#but thats like a whole dif problem#While i was doing research to see if maybe it WOULD help I saw a lot of people being like#'yeah people who don't need canes generally don't think about getting one at length'#so#anyway will probably delete this#BTW THIS IS ALSO HOW I WAS ABOUT BEING AUTISTIC SO??#I HAVE A TRACK RECORD FOR NOT WANTING TO BE FAKING/THINKING I MUST SOMEHOW BE FAKING#idk how I would fake body pain tho#not a vent btw#it kinda reads like one#idk im just trying to figure out how to not feel apprehensive about using it#its less shame and more ' someone is gonna see me and somehow know i dont need it' even tho I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I DONT NEED IT#chat is it crazy to not want to be in pain all the time and to use something that might help#and if it doesnt its not the end of the world#or os it#are people going to eat me alive for using a cane without knowing if i actually need it#raghhh#back to drawing now#if you read this far#gold star#lets see if i actually post this idk
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behold. ARM
(continuation of this)
#it still needs a few edits#(note to self make the indents in the bones where the pivots overlap)#but im tired so here you go for now#3d#flickerdoodles#rain world#things i don't want to think about: how the hell these things are going to turn from side to side#(because the segments can overlap in-game...)#oh god am i gonna have to change the wheels?#or maybe i'll have to make the wheels be able to rotate even though they don't in-game#it's a 2D game so I have to give myself some leeway in translation to 3D i guess#anyways that's a problem for later!!!
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I'm having a bad mood today
Would you draw my blorbo for me please?
#If you have time/energy/willing for that though. No pressure#Im sad and annoyed bc i couldn't get my blood tasted today#They only signed me up for an appointment in a month#And its already been so long since i try to figure out what is wrong with me bc my stomach doesn't work as it supposed to#I'm tired and hurt and all this is very discouraging#Mom tells me to go to the private lab to get my tests done faster but it costs money and we haven't been having much of those#She says that my health is more important and she's right but i just feel so bad and guilty for spending money on myself#When it is possible to get free medical treatment#But URGHHH the free one is sooo looong#And the problem is also that bc im an immigrant here i often don't understand how the system works here and i do mistakes#Like today I came to the hospital thinking i can get my blood tested right away with my doctors prescription in my hand#But no i only got it registered and got an appointment on 17 of December#Fucking urghhh#Im just tired and frustrated that's all#Anyway#Wanna draw buba for me? 👉👈🥺
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Honestly, I'm very excited to find out what happened to Caleb and Beau, but specifically because Ludinus's current status is WILD for Caleb's epilogue in particular. It means his boyfriend is basically free and clear of everyone who has explicit material knowledge of the deal he made. It means the goal he planned to dedicate his life to is basically complete within six years. It means that virtually no one left on the Assembly cares much what kinds of changes he makes to Soltryce from here on out.
Ludinus is on the moon and probably not coming back, given the general expectations of the heroic fantasy genre, and the rest of it is a whole lot of "not Caleb's problem".
What does this man even do with the rest of his life?
#also who succeeded vess. this is the real question. no one in that role isn't fucking evil.#I'm just thinking about it. I don't imagine they'll have the same kind of time in the one-shot to go through epilogues again but like.#I do hope there's a lil bit. I wanna know what caleb does knowing that this massive problem is no longer a problem for him.#I am admittedly also presuming that margolin was implicated in or at least disgraced by the scourger shit cuz like#that's just not an easy thing to claim you knew nothing about lmfao#and fuck 'im#but like. the rest of the group is just. whatever yanno. but does caleb keep pushing? idk#I think he should get to be headmaster he'd be great at that#but then I am a caleb as magical headmaster truther so#ANYWAY I just want to see it. I wanna see what caleb looks like when he has absolute freedom before him.#it's WHAT HE DESERVES DAMMIT.#critical role#caleb widogast
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