#i don't think i can drive any other car but mine i fear

[miserye]

also everyone i drove my car for the first time in over a month and she was fine!!!!! no issues w anything tire pressure (or at least i didn't get a warning), battery, etc. it was beautiful and marvelous i love my car

[5targh0st]

NUMBER ONE GIRL

31. you're mine (written)

prev // m.list // next

Neither of you talk much, but you have a great time nonetheless. It's almost as if you both know what the other is thinking and words weren't exactly necessary. However, something similar to fear keeps you from letting go; fear of your feelings not being reciprocated, of saying the wrong thing, and of messing up the weird and comfortable relationship you've built.

However, little by little the awkwardness disappears and everything seems to fall into place. You joke around and laugh. Everything feels easier without the weight of expectations and labels hovering over you.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice drowned by his own laugh.

"What?" For some reason, you can't help but smile.

"Why were you hiding in the bathroom?" He seems nervous, "I got worried for a second."

"I wasn't hiding," you can feel your face hot. "I was talking to my friends. Don't ask." You try to laugh but it comes out as a sigh.

And just before you go on a rant about everything and reassure him that you weren't hiding from him, he smiles and reaches for your hand. He knows. You're not sure how, but he knows; he wouldn't be smiling like that if he didn't.

Dessert arrives and you're so lost in his presence that you barely notice how people have started to leave the place. Has he always been so alluring?

When you finally have to go, you reach for your card just to be left waiting. "We haven't paid."

"I did. I paid in advance so you wouldn't pull any funny tricks."

You want to argue and say it's not fair for him to pay every single time you hang out. Then it hits you, are you really hanging out? This whole dinner thing has turned out to be more date-like than you anticipated.

"There's something I want to show you..." His voice interrupts your spiraling.

You just nod and follow him back to his car. Of course, you won't say it out loud but you just realized you'd go basically anywhere with him. Are you supposed to feel like this? Is it wrong?

After a short drive, you finally arrive at the place he wanted to show you. It's a recording studio, although way different than the ones you have at school. This place has a lot more equipment and looks cozier.

"Is this like your personal studio?"

"Something like that," he explains turning on everything, "I share the place with Heesung."

"I didn't know he's also part of the music program."

"He's not. His parents are doctors so they wanted him to follow their steps and, after a lot of arguing and screaming, they compromised on psychology so Heesung could still have time for music."

"He sounds brave."

"He is, but don't tell him that, his ego is big enough as it is." He jokes, but you see the fondness in his eyes. He sure loves his friends.

"Like you're one to talk..."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

You both keep on bickering and laughing. Then silence sets in, but not the uncomfortable kind of silence, it's more like a natural kind of quietness. The same type of silence that comes before the sunrise; a breath of fresh air in the loudness of your lives.

"What did you want to show me?"

"Me."

You must look confused and maybe even concerned cause he laughs and looks away before explaining. "I know why your friends didn't like me, and I know at least one of them told you not to hangout with me or whatever.

I'm not saying they're wrong or that people misunderstand me, but they don't know the whole truth. They don't know me beyond the persona that, I confess, I've built to keep them out. But I want you to know me, all of me.

I'm an asshole, I was in love before and got my heart shattered, and I used that as an excuse to play around and maybe even hurt people. I'm not saying my actions were justified, but I did what I thought was necessary to not be hurt again..."

He is almost spiraling. This is the most honest he's ever been, but he sounds just so desperate.

"Yeonjun..."

"Please, let me finish. I like you. I'm not a good person, and I've hurt people and I'm a mess and I might fuck things up... and I like you. I know I was the one to say we should take things slow and see where it got us. From the moment I first laid eyes on you I knew you were gorgeous but now, after spending time with you and getting to know you a little, I like you and all of the things that make you who you are."

You don't know what to say. He likes you. You like him too, but you don't know how to say it or where to start. So kiss him.

You pull him in and he seems surprised. For a second you start to think that maybe you rushed a little with the physical contact but then you feel his arms engulf you and his lips moving against yours. Has he always been that good of a kisser? Your mind can't even begin to comprehend what got you here.

"I like you too..." you whisper when the contact stops. Too nervous to look at him.

"I kinda figured." He laughs and you feel his hands cupping your face and his thumb caressing your skin. Just a light touch.

"Shut up." You try to hide from his gaze.

He brings you closer and wraps his arms around you, as if he were scared you'd change your mind. "You ruined my speech, though. I even wrote a song so you'd hear about my feelings while I uncomfortably stare at you for four minutes straight."

You can't help but laugh, of course he would do something like that. "Play it for me."

"No way."

"Come on! I'll even pretend to be surprised and everything."

He gives in. Part of him thinks he'd say yes to anything you ask but that's a door he won't open yet. He just admitted he likes you, there'll be enough time in the future to worry about the intensity of his feelings.

he takes off his blazer and walks to the piano. "Please remember that you asked for it."

"You're doing great sweetie!"

He rolls his eyes and you can see his blush but he starts anyway, "This ain't for the best..."

His hands move swiftly yet hesitantly. It's been a while since he's felt so vulnerable. Your soft gaze follows his every movement and he can feel his skin getting warmer by the second. You smile for a moment enjoying the effect you had on him. Until he looks at you while singing.

Now you get it. It's not uncomfortable at all. It's rather intimate. Having someone so openly expressing his feelings for you in such an emotional moment makes you feel helpless and bare. It's almost magical.

"... delicate." He finishes and avoids your eyes.

"Don't get all shy on me now." You try to joke.

"I'm not shy!"

You bicker for a while and everything feels so natural. You don't know what made you feel so nervous at dinner, he's just Yeonjun.

"I do want you to know that I don't expect us to put a label on this right away." He explains while holding your hand. "I want us to go on dates and have like the whole experience. I wanna court you or whatever it is old people call it."

"I'd really like that." You can stop smiling. You didn't know it was possible to smile this much but here you are.

The drive home is different; the feeling of his hand in yours is comforting and yet it also makes you feel anxious. A good type of anxious though.

You talk about school and your plans for the week. It's all so natural and domestic, you've never felt like this before. Not even with Sunghoon. This is the first time you've let yourself be with someone after him and somehow it feels so much more real and authentic. Yeonjun doesn't make you feel as if you need to tone down who you are; you can just be yourself.

When you arrive at your apartment complex, he opens your door and tries best not to stutter while saying goodbye. You laugh and can't even figure out why. You're just so happy.

"See you tomorrow?" He asks shyly once you get out of the car.

"See you tomorrow." You confirm still holding on to his hand.

And then you seal your promise with a kiss...

notes:

I was so excited for this chapter

once again we love a communicative king

had an issue with the format but it's ok now

happy holidays btw

taglist: (32/50)

@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix @gloriousqueenking @domfikeluva @circus-of-thoughts @conwunder @miniature-tragedy @jeonginplsholdmyhand @sh0dor1 @yourenzoo @tkshairband @realrintaro @castingjinx @amara-mars @hwangrfrnd

[mabelstone]

La Petite Mort

hozier x f!reader

part four of lullabies <3 | part three | masterlist

cw: sex sex sex love making ❤️ no other warnings really, it's pretty gushy

word count: 2.6k

taglist: @princezty @somethinglikero @jimihendrixpopfigure @the-imperfectgirl-blog @l1nd3n xo

Hours later, the buzz of the alcohol had completely fled my system, leaving me with a residual fatigue and a love struck smile. It felt wrong, but simultaneously, nothing had ever felt so right or natural. Like the sense of deja vu that confirms you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

"Hey," he gently shook my arm from where I was sitting in a booth, almost unable to keep my eyes open. "You 'right?"

"Mhm," I grinned, fighting back a yawn. "And how are you, hotshot?"

"Overwhelmed," he huffed, extending his hand to me. He never enjoyed crowds despite their tendency to form around him everywhere he went. "Let's go home."

I let him lead me out, warmth flooding my cheeks at the simple gesture. The bite of the cold was sharper than earlier, my teeth instantly chattering. He, of course noticed immediately, shucking himself of his jacket, draping it over my shoulders.

"Andy," I shook my head trying to fight him off, but it was no use. "Now you're gonna get cold."

"I have at least three layers on at all times, the cold fears me," he joked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Thank you," I pouted at him, overwhelmed at such a small gesture. But it wasn't small to me. Everything Andy did was grand in my eyes. "So chivalrous."

"Well, you know me," he shrugged, stifling a grin of his own.

I started humming the chorus of tonights' song as we walked, unable to remember any of the words other than imagine being loved by me, and the beautiful melody that was sure to hang around for days.

"Don't do that," he laughed with embarrassment, slinging his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

"Why not? It's a beautiful song, after all," I shrugged, unable to hide my smile that stretched from ear to ear. "And wasn't I the inspiration?" I teased, and it was now his turn to glow red.

"Mhm," he grinned, eyes focused on the road ahead of us. We were nearly back at the car, and the adrenaline was beginning to flood my bloodstream. "That's why you liked it, 'uh?."

"So good," I agreed, walking a bit closer to him that now our arms bumped occasionally. "Did you mean what you said? In the song?"

"'Course I did," he chuckled, unlocking the car and opening my door for me. He even helped me buckle my seatbelt. "Don't worry, it's just a song."

He climbed into his side now, the faintest pink tint to his cheeks, but otherwise, unbothered. I, on the other hand, was trying to get my stupid heart to slow back to normal.

I was fighting the urge to climb over into his lap and beg him to do all the things he'd been imagining. Instead we drove in what would appear to be comfortable silence from an outsiders' perspective. Obviously I didn't know what he was thinking, but I can promise you there was no trace of innocence in my thoughts. The air in the car was thick with desire, leaving me on the verge of choking on the tension.

We exchanged few words on the drive back to his, stealing bashful glances here and there. When the car stilled to a park, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"Andrew?" My heart continued to pound in my ears, his brows raising slightly in encouragement. "I want you," I confessed.

He turned to face me and I could see his quickening pulse through the thin skin of his neck. He swallowed thickly, pupils blown so wide I could scarcely see any green.

His gaze flitted between my lips and my eyes, and I'm sure I too was all pupil at this point. I couldn't help myself, leaning over the centre console to feel his lips on mine. My eyes fluttered shut, as did his, and I swear something inside of me had come alive for the first time in my life.

He was better than I had ever imagined.

Lips warm and soft, adding the perfect amount of pressure that made me crave more and more. His hand slipped up the back of my head, cradling its entirety in his palm.

He pulled back slowly, his hand still at the base of my skull. His lips were plump and looked absolutely delicious, my heart aching at the loss of contact.

"I want you, you know that," his voice was lower than before, our faces still close enough that I could feel the tickle of his breath ghosting my lips. "But you just got out of such a long relationship."

"You've treated me better these past few weeks than he did in six years," I reached my hand up to cup his face. His skin was warm and soft, the scratch of his stubble in my palm pulling me back down to Earth, reminding me that this wasn't just another daydream of mine. "Please, kiss me."

And he did, pulling me in as close as the confinement of his car would allow. It felt like coming up for air after holding your breath under water, like the relief you get when a siren finally stops blaring. His scent, his warmth, his gentle breaths exhaled through his nose, mingling with mine as we moved in synchronicity, as if we'd rehearsed this a million times. I'm starting to suspect he must have been having similar dreams of me.

I pulled away this time, giving him my best doe eyes through hooded lids as I suggested, "shall we go inside?"

Without a second thought, Andy was out of the car, opening my door for me. Within moments, our lips were connected again, my arms draped around his neck, his hands quick to grab my waist. He lead me into his house, our mouths moving fast, passion coursing through our veins like electricity. I squealed in surprise when he lifted me, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried me up the stairs. We were a mess of giggles and laboured breathing, bumping into walls, and desperately grabbing at one another.

Despite the desperation in our actions, he softly laid me onto his bed, crawling in between my thighs before kissing me again. I ran my hands up the sides of his torso, feeling him shudder slightly under my touch.

I could feel his hard on digging into my thigh, and suddenly my clothes were the biggest inconvenience known to man. "Show me, Andy," I breathed in between kisses, his lips now on my neck, my knickers well on their way to being drenched. "All the things you've been wanting to do to me."

He let out a deep, guttural sound somewhere between a strangled moan and a whine. He reluctantly pulled himself from me, slipping his shoes off in two fluid movements. He knelt before me, my entire ankle easily in the grip of his hand. He unbuckled my heels, slipping them off with a kiss to each of my calves. He slowly ran his hands up my legs, planting a trail of kisses upon each inch of skin he touched, the heat in my core beginning to boil.

He looked up through his head of curls, eyes dark and hungry. "You sure you want this, darlin'?"

I nodded desperately, hands instantly finding their way into his hair to bring his lips to mine again. His tongue prodded at my bottom lip and I let him in my mouth without hesitation, allowing him to explore. This only caused my desire for his tongue elsewhere to grow insurmountably.

All of my senses came to life when I felt his hand moving toward my inner thigh, opening my legs wide for him to grant him full access. His fingers made their way to my core, a soft groan fleeting from his lips. "Fuck," he breathed against my lips, slipping a ridiculously long finger inside of me with ease. I moaned into his mouth, one of my hands reaching down to grab his wrist, encouraging him to insert another. He did, curling his fingers with such precision that if I my brain weren't staticky from the feeling, I'd question how many lovers he'd had. He continued to pump his fingers in and out of me, kissing my neck as he did so, eyes glued to my face as if he were memorising every expression he pulled from me.

"Need to feel you," I choked out breathlessly, desperately cupping his face. "Please."

He smiled wickedly, kissing my lips once more before pulling his fingers out, dipping them straight into his mouth. My jaw nearly detached from my face at the gesture, my stomach flipping harder than ever. I watched in awe as he pulled his shirt off, his pants soon to follow, absolutely shocked that the shy, awkward, nerdy Andrew I thought I knew did not exist within these walls. I could see the outline of his cock through his boxers, swallowing hard. How on Earth was that going to fit? I sat up to rid myself of my dress, allowing it to pool around my ankles as he watched on, cock twitching beneath the thin cotton.

I made my way to him, helping him remove the last bit of clothing keeping us apart, eyes nearly bulging out of my head when I saw him. All of him. He may be the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

His hands quickly found my face, reeling me in with those lips once more before laying me on the bed again. His eyes searched mine again for any doubt, not finding any, but something else. "You okay?"

"Yes, just preparing," I laughed, only half joking.

"You're okay, you can take it," he kissed my cheek softly, lining himself up with my entrance. I gasped at the sharp sting of the stretch, holding my breath briefly. He halted all movement, no doubt used to this happening. "Tell me when, baby."

I rested my hands on his shoulders, taking a deep breath before nodding. He slowly slipped the rest of his length in, our beautiful harmonisation of moans filling the air.

It was only painful for a moment before I was practically begging for more. He was as long and thick as you’d expect, but God, nothing could have prepared me. He began to form a steady rhythm, thrusting in and out of me while I whined under his touch.

To feel his body weight on mine, his warmth, his scent, his love - I had ascended from my human form. I caved, begging him for more, begging him to fuck me how he wanted to.

He captured my lips with his mid way through a thrust, his cock slamming into that spot that made my brain fuzzy. I dug my nails into his shoulders, gasping into his mouth, “just like that.”

He obliged, one of his hands steadying himself with the headboard, the other cupping the back of my head. I wondered why, until he really found his rhythm.

With each delicious thrust, he would effectively hit my g-spot, making me weak as jelly under him, barely able to form words. My head was hitting his hand with the sheer force of each thrust, and I’m sure the thought of him protecting my skull would make me swoon if I weren’t on the brink of tears, producing noises I didn’t know I was capable of.

“Andy, Andy,” I chanted his name breathlessly, unable to even open my eyes as pleasure cradled my entire being. I’d never heard my voice this desperate ever, to the point that I had no autonomy over my words and vocality, like my soul was speaking without getting confirmation from my brain first. “You- feel- so- good,” I was near crying between each thrust, my mouth completely dry from all the panting.

“You feel good too, darlin’,” he grinned, removing his hand from the bed head and dropping it down to my clit. “So fuckin’ good.”

My jaw went slack, no coherent words falling from my mouth, just rhapsodies of praise in the form of whimpers and laboured breaths.

"Want you to cum for me," he breathed, his thrusts growing sloppy ever so slightly.

"Keep going," I barely got the words out, the coil in my stomach tightening as he dragged me closer to the edge with every word, every thrust, every skilled dance of his fingers over my clit. "Andy," I warned loudly, the high pitch of my tone sounding foreign to my ears, unsure if had even fallen from my tongue. "Oh, my God, I'm gonna-"

Within an instant, I unravelled beneath his touch, moaning a string of curses I couldn't even hear as the static in my mind grew overwhelming. I shook uncontrollably, every muscle of mine growing limp yet tensing and spasming at the same time. My back arched and my toes curled, crescent moon shapes from my fingernails marking his beautiful skin; a reminder to us both of how euphoric he had made me feel. My orgasm rippled through me like waves in a storm, pummelling me over and over as I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling into the back of my head, unable to open them, unable to close my mouth as a slurry of cries dripped from my soul. Unsure of what came over me, I begged, “please cum in me,” wanting nothing more than to feel every ounce of his loving.

When I finally came back down to Earth, the waves crashed into him, the most angelic sounds flooding the four walls we were confined to. Overstimulation wracked my bones, panting into his mouth as he rode out the rest of his high, a clash of tongue and teeth as he kissed me once more. He pumped into me a few more unsteady times, his arms shaking as they struggled to hold his weight any longer.

He pulled out of me slowly, the loss of contact leaving me with a hollow feeling, immediately clinging to him the second his head hit the pillow beside me.

“Andrew,” I breathed in disbelief, titling my head to see the tired smile on his face. “I don’t even have words.”

“Could say the same to you!” He sighed, content with his arm around me, our bodies gently slowing back to normal. “What an angel.”

You are the angel, is what I wanted to say. Instead, I basked in his warmth, his scent flooding my senses as my soul unwillingly reconnected with my body.

“Write a song about this, would ya?” I laughed against his skin, tracing shapes into his chest, feeling like I was the main character in a cheesy rom-com.

“Way ahead of ya, love,” he grinned back, pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. “Wanna have a shower? Or is that too much?”

I looked up at him with furrowed brows and pursed lips. “Andrew. There’s a chance you just knocked me up. No, showering together is not too much.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” he groaned, abruptly rolling out of bed, picking me up bridal style and carrying me to the bathroom. He laughed devilishly at the squeak he elicited from me, kissing my face while I smiled and giggled like a fool.

Fuck.

He towered over me, the beads of water dripping from his hair onto me. He looked beautiful, contented in serenity, similar to how I was feeling, I'm sure. He lathered my body in soapy suds, nothing remotely sexual in the gesture. I did the same for him, enveloped in the warmth of his skin, acclimated to the same temperature of the water. If this were my last moment on Earth, I would die happy. Andrew had a way of making me forget every bad moment of my life. Every poor decision, every tear cried for a man who only thought about himself. Surely, this was too soon to be labelled as love. But it sure felt like it.

"You are so beautiful."

i hope u liked it if u didn't tell me if u did leave requests of something you'd like to see in this next xo and i'm aware of all the run on sentences, i'm sorry if that makes it difficult to read. i will not shut up! even in text

[cheezecakeee]

stray kids as taylor swift's songs🫧 (angst ver.)

skz masterlist | main masterlist

───※ ·❆· ※───

✰Bang Chan : August

"but I can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away in a moment of time, 'cause it was never mine and I can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine,'cause you were never mine." "back when we were still changin' for the better, wanting was enough for me it was enough. To live for the hope of it all, cancel plans in case you call, meet me behind the mall, so much for summer love and saying us 'cause you weren't mine to lose"

✰ Lee Know : Champagne Problems

"your midas touch on the chevy door, november flush and the flannel cure, "this dorm was once a madhouse" i made a joke, "well, it's made for me". How evergreen our group of friends, don't think we'll say that word again and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the hall that we once walked through. One for the money, two for the show, i never was ready so i watched you go" "and hold your hand while dancing, never leave you standing, crestfallen on the landing with champagne problems. Your mom's ring in your pocket, her picture in your wallet, you won't remember all my champagne problems"

✰ Changbin : Right where you left me

"you left me no choice but to stay here forever" "did you hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everyone else, she won't know it. She's still 23 inside her fantasy, how it was supposed to be. Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Breakups happen everyday, you don't have to lose it, she's still 23 in her fantasy and you're sitting in front of me" " 'Cause I'm right where. I cause no harm, mind my own business, if our love died young, I can't bear witness and it's been so long but if you ever thing you got it wrong, I'm right where you left me"

✰ Hyunjin : Hoax

"stood on the cliffside screaming, "give me a reason", your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue, but you no other sadness in the world would do" "You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, you knew the password, so I let you in the door, you knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart but what you did was just as dark, darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart"

✰ Han : Cardigan

"and when i felt like an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said i was favourite" "to kiss in cars in downtown bars was all it needed, you drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleeding, 'Cause I knew you steppin' on the last train marked me like a bloodstain, I, I knew you tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy, I, I knew you leaving like a father, running like water" "but i knew you'd linger like a tattooed kiss, i knew you'd haunt all my what if's" "Cause I knew everything when i was young, i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired and you'd be standing in my front porch light and I knew you'd come back to me"

✰ Felix : Back to December

"realized i loved you in fall and then the cold came, the dark days. When fear crept in my mind you gave me all your love, and all i gave you was goodbye" "So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying sorry for that night and I go back to december all the time" "i miss your tan skin, you sweet smile, so good to me, so right and how you held be that september night, first time you ever saw me cry" "maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I'd love you right, I'd go back in time and change it but i can't, so if the chain is on your door I understand."

✰ Seungmin : All too well

"we were always skipping town, and i was thinking on the drive down "any time now, he's gonna say it's love", you never called what it was, 'til we were dead and gone and buried. Check the pulse and come back swearin' it's all the same, after three months in the grave and then wondered where it went to as I reached for you but all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame" "and maybe we got lost in translation and maybe i asked for too much, and maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up, running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well" "and you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the nane if being honest, I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lyin' here, 'cause i remember it all"

✰ I.N : My tears ricochet

"even on my worst day, did i deserve it babe, all the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'til my dying day" "and if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed" "you know, I didn't want to haunt you but what a ghostly scene, you wear the same jewels i gave you as you bury me" "and you can aim for my heart, go for my blood, but yu would still miss me in your bones, and i talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky, and when you can't sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies" "and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain crossing out the good years and you're cursing my name, wish I stayed, look at my tears ricochet"

───※ ·❆· ※───

[msperfectsheep-posts]

Ask Meme

I was tagged by @rosencrantzsguildenstern for this ask meme, so why not!

Do you make your bed?

Uhhhh well. Sort of. I definitely make it any time I expect I'm going to have company, but on a weekday when I'm the only one in my dorm room? Nah. I didn't make it when I had a roommate either unless I thought she was going to have company (but she never warned me in advance for that so LMAO)

What's your favorite number?

I'm a lucky 7 kind of gal, but I also really jive with 36 and 81. My factors of 9 <3 <3 <3 If I have to pick one, it's always going to be 7 though

What is your job?

Right now, I work for the US Department of Agriculture! I've worked some other random jobs though, such as a waitress at a high-end retirement home and an assistant at a local hospital

If you could go back to school, would you?

Yes. Absolutely. I would reduce how many classes I take (because haha I am at 22 credit hours right now :')) but I love learning! I don't love all the pomp and circumstance of academia, but I've considered becoming a teacher several times as a career option and I actually have taught in a professional setting before. School's a love of mine that even all the stresses I've put myself through hasn't fully been killed

Can you parallel park?

Yep! My city almost never requires it because it's a newer one and street parking is only really used in our tiny downtown or in neighborhoods, but I can do it!

A job you had that would surprise people?

Uhhhh I think my current job is that, LOL! But even then, once I explain the details of my job, people seem to think it fits me pretty well :)

Do you think aliens are real?

I think that somewhere in space, there's something that could be considered life, but we can't agree if viruses are living, so I doubt that whatever could be "life" in another part of space would fit our current definitions! Evolution is already fucked enough as is, so accidentally going down any path that resembles what happened on Earth feels pretty unlikely to me

Can you drive a manual car?

Yes! I practiced with my grandpa's old car, though I also stalled a few times LOL so I'm not GOOD, but I can do it! With more practice I think I would be fine

What's your guilty pleasure?

I'm not really sure? I'm not really guilty about any of my pleasures because they're all pretty vanilla? In my household it's definitely mayo though. No one in my household likes mayo and I usually have to deal with Bullying of the highest degree if I want to use it when I'm eating with my sister and parents

Tattoos?

Nope! And I don't want to get them either. I have an irrational thing of permanently adding things to my body to the point where I had a surgery to remove a part of my flesh instead of having a tiny metal rod inserted in me. Tattoos are filed under the same "body modification" ick mentally

Favorite Color?

A soft lilac! I also really like the darker, desaturated greens, but purple is my eternal love

Favorite type of music?

Things that lean more into the rock side of things! I like harsher sounds, faster tempos, that sort of thing, but also my music taste is literally all over the place. It really really REALLY is a case-by-case basis but if I had to say anything, most Paramore songs are ones I love

Do you like puzzles?

It depends on the puzzle! I like logic and math puzzles, and mysteries are fun as well, but a jigsaw is something I'll only really do if I'm with friends or exceedingly bored

Any phobias?

Well, there's that body modification one I mentioned earlier! I also have an irrational fear of beetles and an even more irrational fear of specifically dropping a kitchen knife into my foot! Yowch!

Favorite childhood sport?

I didn't really play sports as a kid, but if I had to pick one, probably swimming? My current favorite sport is definitely dancing, though (folk and ballroom!)

Do you talk to yourself?

Yep! I use both the singular and plural first person pronouns "I" and "We" when I talk to myself. Generally, I use "I" when I'm more passively thinking, and "We" when I'm being metacognizant.

What movie(s) do you adore?

Back to the Future (1985) by Robert Zemekis my BELOVED!!!! I cannot recommend it enough, and I made a quote from it my senior quote in high school. I also really love The Sixth Sense (1999) and Tangled (2010)

Coffee or tea?

Tea, as I have yet to ever drink coffee! But when I drink my tea, I like it unsweetened and iced

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

First thing I remember was, ironically, a teacher! Some things don't change <3

I'm gonna tag @riinsanity @0mega-x @koi0boi @always-a-joyful-note and @yukimomodivorce but anyone can join in!

[f0point5]

Okay I get get it, but now I also need a Charles/ the prophecy thesis if you don’t mind 😂

I feel like the Lecfosi are going to come for me if they find this but it’s not that deep okay? 🫣

✨Charles Leclerc x The Prophecy - A Thesis✨

Hand on the throttle

Duh

Thought I caught lightning in a bottle

Oh, but it's gone again

Every time he gets a pole position, drags that car where it shouldn’t be, even gets a win, he thinks it’s the start of something. And just as quickly as he rises, he falls. The strategy or the car comes apart. His success is only ever a flash of lightning. Burns bright, burns out fast.

And it was written

I got cursed like Eve got bitten

The Il Predestinato name. Written by a journalist when he was 14 years old. Once it seemed like that was his anointing but maybe it was a curse.

I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope

A driver with less hope, less belief, would have left Ferrari a long time ago

Don't want money

Just someone who wants my company

He will turn down any offer, no matter how lucrative, how good the car, because he wants to do it with Ferrari or not at all. All that matters to him is the connection he has to that team, more than what could be good for him.

Let it once be me

He grew up watching eras of dominance, and now he’s driving through someone else’s, wishing it would be his turn

Cards on the table

Mine play out like fools in a fable, oh

It’s the honesty that comes before acceptance. Cards on the table is the moment you’ve done all you can, the playing is over, it’s time to find out if everything you’ve done has paid off. And he’s turning over his cards to find out he has the losing hand. They told his story like a myth, like a fairytale, like a fable, but maybe he wasn’t the hero in it after all. Maybe time will prove he was the fool

It was sinking in

Slow is the quicksand

Poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand

Oh, still I dream of him

He’s beginning to understand, as the years go by, that the problems might be bigger than him. That it might not be in his control. That being the chosen one only matters if the people who chose you matter. They say Ferrari Red runs through his veins but what if the blood is poison? And still, he can’t stop hoping that it will turn around

And I sound like an infant

Feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen

The well is running dry, he’s pouring blood, sweat, and tears from a cup that will soon be empty.

A greater woman has faith

But even statues crumble if they're made to wait

This is controversial, but to me this refers to the shift in his professional focus, the diversifying of his interest. His ice cream, his sponsors, signing with a new agency. He’s going to make the most of what he has, rather than waste years hoping for what he wants. Maybe someone else would have stayed believing that his time would come, but he’s waited long enough.

I'm so afraid I sealed my fate

No sign of soulmates

The fear that he’s made his bed. He can’t leave, even if he wanted to there’s nowhere to go. There’s no sign of what he hoped for, but there’s no hope anywhere else.

I’m just a paperweight

After giving all he had, after being called the Son of Maranello, was he just holding down the fort until the next legend arrived? When all is said and done will he just be a footnote in the list of champions that drove for Ferrari?

Please

I've been on my knees

Change the prophecy

Deep down, he still wants it. The win would still mean more than the fame and the money he thinks he’ll end up settling for. As long as the passion is still there, so will be the desperation, like the other side of the coin.

[paddockpatrol]

The Female Drive on IG

Firstly, if you reblog this, please don't tag it with hate towards any drivers or their fan bases; that would be the complete opposite of what the original post is trying to do. It is never an entire fan base that acts out of line, but rather individuals within them.

Secondly, this isn't even really meant as a post about Max Verstappen, though he is the subject. Rather it's a post aiming to highlight how someone's feelings towards a (sports) celebrity can escalate. I doubt any of the authors of the quoted tweets started out with that level of vehemence towards Max, yet here we are. Rather I suspect their feelings escalated over time.

I decided to make this post because Drive to Survive 5 is about to drop and a new f1 season about to begin and passions/emotions will rise, mine included. In combination with has been happening with the tumblr polls over the past week, I am fearful of an even more toxic year in fandom than the past two. Moreover, I've seen too many people be dismissive of criticism of the hate polls towards Max and others. And while likely the creators of those hate polls in their minds were only having a bit of fun and would never think that they would ever write anything like the tweets above, I do wonder.... is that not where it starts?

To be clear, I am not saying the people behind those specific blogs ever would write something like the vile tweets above, but like a YouTube algorithm these things tend to spiral and we are all susceptible to the passionate craze sports can elicit.

So, ultimately this is a post asking all fans -and also very much myself- to consider that there are real people behind blogs (well maybe not the pornbots 😉) and that all the drivers definitely are very much human. There's nothing wrong with writing a heated post, but equally there is nothing wrong with keeping that post in the drafts until you've calmed down and considered what it would be like if you were the subject of your own writing.

Let's have a highly competitive but non-toxic year all. Can't wait for cars out in Bahrain.

[jujitto]

🐚﹒𝖬𝖺𝗇𝗂𝖺𝖼 ♩ ⁺ 𝖯𝖺𝗋𝗄 𝖲𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗇

⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ 𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾 ۪ ׂ 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ cw ۪ ׂ 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝖾 ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ wc ۪ ׂ 𝟢.𝟫𝗄

⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ 𝗌𝗒𝗇𝗈𝗉𝗌𝗂𝗌 ۪ ׂ cause people like him always wanted back what they can’t have. and was you. he wanted you back after everything he did. he was an absolute maniac.

Crazy. You must be crazy. How can one moment you go from hating me and cussing me out to touching me and wanting to love me? It just doesn't make sense, does it? Maybe it's the influence of alcohol or the regret you have been holding deep within you for the past few weeks since our break up. But it's your fault.

Your friends surround you laughing and joking with you but I could feel your eyes on me. Why me? Why not someone else? Me and you there's nothing left for us. Said there was no more us but yet you showed up at my front door with that stupid smirk of yours.

What don't you get when I said no takebacks? No more us?! What don't people like you get? You can't have back what you ruined. I'm past that so why can't you be? Go back to your friends and tell them all the bad things you say about me.

Don't pretend like you don't do it because it's all I ever hear about. Gossips never could keep their mouths shut for long. It's all I hear around the school. Talk so much shit about me sweetie but I'm all you ever dream of.

You tell your friends I'm driving you mad and that I'm the crazy one. Saying that I'm a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath when it's all you. You're crazy but others don't seem to see it as well as I do.

Tell them how you text me saying that you love and miss me while you tell them you hate me. What's up with the indifference? One minute you want to be by my side kissing and holding me and the next you are talking out the side of your mouth. What type of shit is that?

So, why do you call me and tell me that you want me back? You maniac. Some won't even believe me if I told them that this was happening. All believe that you're too nice and perfect for that to happen. But they don't see what I see. A fucking psychopath hiding behind a blurred image.

But no no Park Sunghoon is too much of a good boy to be that way. Well if you think that way explain why he's acting the way he's acting? Calling me names, spreading rumors about me all to what get back at me because of our break up? But meanwhile, he's still texting and calling me and telling me he loves me. What a sob story.

Park Sunghoon what have you done?! Have you gone mad? Have you lost your mind? Of course, you have why am I even asking? Call me at 3 AM. Broken arm and Broken hearts. Car crash leaving you wounded and crying. Fear struck has me rushing to your place wiping the tears off your face. Nothing good could come from me being around you. Your hands gripped mine as you begged me to stay. Shaking my head I stood walking away. Not this time, not any other time.

What is up with people like you?! Why do you think you can have everything back?! Why do you think someone will just hand you what you want just like that? What makes you think that after ruining something so beautiful and that had so much potential that you'll get it back?

I haven't looked back so why can't you? There's nothing here for you. So go back to your friends and tell them I'm trash and a waste of your time. Tell all your friends that I'm the crazy one and that I never leave you alone. Saying that I'm a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath when it's all you. Tell them how much you hate me and that dating me was all for fun.

But why keep my number unblocked or better yet on your phone. You maniac. Why cause so much trouble? Why be this way when I did nothing to you? You were the one who destroyed our relationship, all you did was lie and you're still doing it!

Lying to all these people who believe everything that comes out of that mouth of yours. Are you happy? Are you happy seeing all the drama and problematic happenings that you caused with all of this? Because I truly hope you are. It would truly surprise me if you weren't. But why wouldn't you be happy?! This is all you're doing, right?!

But you say it's all out of love. If only that was true. Because love doesn't make you do things like this. The way you can easily lie makes me hate you more. Psychopath. You fucking psychopath. Don't lose all that confidence now. Don't forget you're the one who brought this upon yourself. You did this.

But you wonder and wonder. You ask and you ask. What happened? What happened to our love? Well, you destroyed it of course. There's no turning back time now. Isn't this what you wished for? You maniac. It's better safe than sorry. You need help. Listen to the words. Get some help.

Don't worry you can still tell your friends that you think I'm crazy and that I am the one who drives you mad. That I'm a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath even after all this time you still hadn't figured out that who you're describing is yourself.

Tell them that dating me was just for laughs and that deep down inside you hate me but love me at the same time. But why do you still refuse to delete my number? Why do you keep on insisting on calling me and telling me that you love me and you want me back? You fucking maniac.

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Matchup for bg3! Please! 💜

She/they, bisexual

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin.

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

If you need more info just message me! Thank you! 💜

A/N: You didn’t specify which gender result you’d prefer, but since you mentioned you’re bisexual, I included my top male and female picks below! I hope you enjoy!!!

For you, @veethewriter , I think you’d be a great match for either Halsin (Male) or Shadowheart (Female)!

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ Halsin would be a great fit for you! He’s kind and very artistic himself. And while he enjoys woodwork the most, I think he’d appreciate an afternoon of drawing or painting with you outside in the grove. Many Wood Elves, like Halsin, have either red or brown-hued hair, so he’s used to seeing such a color on people. However, he swears no other elf can compare with how gorgeous your hair color is. And he finds your side shave particularly alluring. He also adores your figure. He is a big guy, he’s tall and very muscular, and can’t help but want to hold and pick you up and squish you (if you’d let him that is). Your supple shape reminds him of nature’s bountiful harvest.

And while he himself has absolutely no qualms about showing off his skin, he respects your desire not to. Not everyone is as comfortable free of the confines of clothing as he is, this he’s well aware of. He’s always on the lookout for organic, comfortable elven clothing he could gift you.

And the good thing about Faerun is the fact that there aren't any cars. If you want to go somewhere, you’ll need wheels, heels, or a spell of some sort. (Or if you’re lucky, a druid boyfriend who can transform into different rideable wild animals. Can you imagine, strolling up to town on the back of a big brown bear? No one would mess with you! lol)

I’m not 100% decided on Halsin’s MBTI. Part of me feels he’s introverted, then again, he’s very willing to meet and work to help others- strangers even, so long as they’re kind and help him in return. I do, however, feel pretty confident that he’s a Feeler as well, so you have one letter out of the four for sure in common. And the two of you are also very open-minded, which he loves. Halsin can’t see himself in a romantic relationship with someone if they were to be angry and close-minded. An on/off sexual relationship? Sure. But for him to have that deeper kind of love, you’d need to be tolerant- which you are!

I also imagine him to be a Taurus, which furthers how compatible he is with you- a cancer. You two are so in love, it’s almost spiritual, like a soulmate sort of connection. No matter how sad or moody (or emo as you said) you can get, his steady and stable temperament will help comfort you, and ground you in times of great emotion.

Halsin, as an archdruid, is kind of the “Dad friend” of the Grove and his Party. He’s the one people turn to for advice and mentorship. You being the therapy friend understand the toll this can take. You’re able to support each other and lavish each other with much-needed rest and recovery when the demands of everyone’s emotional sharing/dumping become too much to take.

Halsin is a very focused and rather positive person, which can be a direct contrast to you with your ADHD and depression. But that’s a really good thing because, for all the things you forget, he remembers. And for all the times your illness and life get you down, he’s right there to pick you back up, or even just ride it out with you until the feelings pass. His presence radiates calm- he’s like a walking talking security blanket. If you’re feeling anxious, you can grab his hand, or have him lay on top of you for some compression therapy (don’t worry, he’s supporting 95% of his weight himself so as to not accidentally crush you lol).

He appreciates how mindful you are around the little ones. It makes his heart flutter. And he can’t help but think what it would be like to be in a family of his own with you one day.

♥ ♡ ♥ Shadowheart is quiet and determined. She’s reserved, especially around strangers, and she puts on a good front, but deep down she’s a sweet girl with a traumatic past. She doesn’t like talking about it too much (that is of course, if she remembers it), but for some reason, she’s more okay sharing such things with you.

She’s not very extroverted or loud, but she can appreciate it when you are. Your joy is infectious, and it’s something she hasn’t felt in a while, so she wants to do everything in her power to make you happy because when you’re happy- she’s happy.

And oh boy does she need therapy! As the therapy friend, she greatly appreciates your ability to listen and not judge when she does talk about her past or her feelings. Being raised in a cult is complicated, and there’s A LOT to process there. It’s gonna take time, and thanks to your open-minded demeanor, she feels safe enough to do a fair amount of it with you.

As a cancer, you and Shadowheart are very compatible romantically as I see her as an Aquarius. Both of you are smart, and devoted, and have a lot of feelings. The main difference is in how those feelings come out. For you, it’s easier to emote than it is for her. But that’s good. When you’re too emotional, she’s ready to reel you back in. And when she’s being too cold, you can help pull her out of her shell.

Shadowheart also has a ‘resting bitch face’, but that doesn’t mean she’s judging everyone. Okay, maybe she’s judging everyone a little bit, but to be fair there are a lot of peculiar characters out there and one can never be too safe! The two of you rarely get any trouble from strangers because you are too tough to mess with. From your more emo style to her ‘dont-fuck-with-me’ attitude, absolutely no one’s gonna be crossing you!

Shadowheart herself probably has a slew of health concerns and mental illnesses that she has yet to address. I imagine, that once she comes to learn the truth of her past, she is at increased risk for anxiety and depression. So weirdly, it’s almost a blessing her partner knows what it’s like living with these things. Your experience shows her that life can and does go on. And she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her with anyone other than you.

[cyrusstarchaser]

Saw you mention that you're up for questions about phalloplasty, and coincidentally I'm just now getting started setting that up! I'm not sure if I have lots of specific questions yet, but it's so new to me that I really wanna chat about it, so I'll just start with — are there any aspects of it (preparation, recovery, anything) that you wish you knew beforehand? Also, in 2022 (bc I. searched "phalloplasty" on your blog out of curiosity), you mentioned having some recovery stories people could ask about, so I'd love to hear them if you still have them! (Also if it's okay, did you go through all 3 stages, getting the works? Or are there certain things you didn't opt for?)

Hello friend! Thank you for reaching out, I know messaging a stranger about dick questions can be hard lol

I think I wish I knew beforehand how long it would take to heal. It was difficult if not impossible at times to put my dick into underwear/pants for the first couple of months. I was filled with panic and regret, but as you can imagine those months passed and then things were fine. I think because of my fibromyalgia I healed slower then my doctor said I would. The precise problem was not so much that my dick couldn't 'bend', but that moving it at all hurt. I think a less sensitive person would have fewer issues, but healing still takes longer then I think a lot of people are prepared for. I also had no idea how long all the stages would take. My surgeon wanted at least 3 months between stages AFTER healing, so the process took about 2 years for me.

Recovering in the hospital was both better and worse then being at home. One hand, being in a hospital on display is the last thing anyone wants. On the other hand, when I wasn't instantly better at home my anxiety flared up, and there was no long a team of doctor and nurses around me answer questions and dispel fear. Pro tip for recovery though: Try and have an armchair/lazyboy or a sofa you can recover in. Getting in and out of a recliner was much easier then getting in and out of the bed, and I could safely sleep with my dick propped up with no fear I would toss and turn. It also helps to have a doting partner who looks after you, I never would have gotten through this without her.

I actually didn't get "the works". I can stand to pee, I have testicles, I closed my old hole and I have a pump. But I didn't have glansplasty. There's two main reasons for that: One, the question of what it would look like was raised like 5 days before surgery and that was simply not enough time to think about it for me, and also I got kinda attached to what it looked like stage one and was afraid change would "ruin it" lol Glansplasty felt like an additional surgery that didn't do anything other then make my dick more cis. And tbh I kinda resented that. I don't need my dick to be an imitation of a cis one, I just need it to be MINE. Some days I regret not getting it. Those days tend to coincide with nasty messages on grinder though, so make of that what you will. I like my dick, and my partner likes my dick, so what else do I need? Being comfortable with your body is more important then whether cis people think you are weird.

I hope this helped, or at least didn't hurt lol I tend to ramble a lot so I don't know if I answered your questions exactly as you would have liked, but if you have any other questions please feel free to send them my way. I actually get my second testicle on the 30th of this month, hopefully it will be my final surgery but who knows? I may need the pump replaced/refitted. It's been a long journey, very hard to travel at times - literally and metaphorically. Did I mention my surgeon is out of state and that I had to drive 6 hours every time to see him? A car trip with your dick propped up is no fun lol but I'm happier. I had a moment during my stage one recovery where I looked down at myself and felt whole - and that moment helped me through everything.

[minileena]

Last one before I disappear into the shadows and write my weird passion project fleshcasting body horror fic ooOOOOoooooOo

Layna

We don't speak through the morning. Anything I would say would be damage control to try and manipulate Evelyn into thinking that I'm not angry with her, and she would see right through that.

She packs the diamond, and I half-expect her to leave me in the motel room to go cash it in herself, but she does, in fact, offer me a hand on the way out.

Still trying to split the money.

This lucky motherfucker.

We check out and head out onto the street.

"My fence is down that way," I say, gesturing down the road. "Walk till Pinemore, then left. I'll tell you where to go from there."

Evelyn doesn't make a tiny GPS joke. I find that I almost mourn the absence of our banter as we walk, but I set my jaw and keep silent anyways.

The walk is a bit longer than the one we took from the gala to the motel. It's about forty minutes of silence before we make it to the place I'm supposed to meet my fence. It's another five before he shows up.

"Layna," he says as simple greeting.

"Damien," I say back. "This is Rebecca, my chauffeur."

Evelyn, to her credit, doesn't bat an eye at my lie. Damien looks her up and down, as if assessing her, before pulling out a set of car keys and clicking the fob. The sound of a horn echoes from behind the wall ahead of us.

"Your money is in the back of that van. The car is unmarked, not stolen, license plate on all the right registries."

"It better be," I say, gesturing for Evelyn to take us to the van in the alley.

She takes me to the alley and we leaf through the bills in one of the bags.

"You know what happens if any amount of this is fake," I comment idly, not only to keep Damien in line but also as a jab at Evelyn’s privileged little speech last night.

Damien offers a smirk. "Always playing it safe, huh, Layna? Don't worry, I know the deal. It's all clean, unmarked, real."

I nod and gesture back into the building we've been discussing in.

"So," Damien says with a grin, "you got the rock?"

All it takes is a glance for Evelyn to take the hint and pull out the diamond.

Damien whistles and sets the car keys on a nearby table. "Alright. Give it here, then."

She reaches out to hand him the diamond, but Damien doesn't move to take it.

"The little one did all the work," he says to Evelyn with a grin. "You don't think she deserves to be the one to give the jewel a proper sendoff?"

I give a reciprocating smirk. "And the theatrics are a must?" I clarify as I walk down from Evelyn's shoulder to the hand carrying the gem.

"For a job like this?" Damien says. "Absolutely."

I hoist the diamond into my grip and hold it out for Damien to take.

His arm shoots out faster than I can react.

He grabs the diamond as well as my entire body before pulling a gun on Evelyn, trained directly at her forehead.

"You are not Rebecca," he says simply.

"Damien, the fuck are you doing?" I growl as I try to squirm out of his grip.

"I'm doing you a favour, is what I'm doing," he replies. "I know what Becca looks like. This isn't her. I'm assuming you got caught and this is... what, a cop? Another thief? Either way, this wasn't part of the plan, so..."

His thumb cocks the hammer of his pistol.

"Just say the word," Damien says. "She's not taking your money. We'll leave her here and I can drive you to one of your other handlers."

Evelyn's gaze meets mine.

I see fear in her eyes.

I have leverage over her. I have power again.

I have no incentive to keep her alive anymore.

She's at my mercy now.

She's powerless.

...

I know the feeling.

I don't like the feeling.

Fuck me. I'm about to be a multimillionaire anyways. Might as well start getting used to taking the luxurious path.

"Christ, Damien, with the theatrics," I huff. "Put the gun down."

His hand wavers. "I... what?"

"My plans changed," I say simply. "You don't need to worry yourself with how. No, this isn't Rebecca. I lied to try and move this the fuck along without you asking questions."

Damien pauses for a few moments, still not moving his gun arm.

"Is this a setup?" He asks, attempting to sound casual but failing to keep the tension out of his voice.

"No," I respond, honestly annoyed with how long this is taking.

"How am I supposed to trust that, huh?" he asks again, his grip tightening a touch.

"You aren't," I reply, trying to push his fingers off of my chest. "That's what the blackmail is for. You have dirt on me too, remember? I'm not going to screw us both over."

Evelyn and I lock eyes.

"You expect me to leave anything to trust?" I ask Damien without averting my gaze.

With a huff, he lowers the gun and sets me on the table, palming the diamond in his other hand.

"You better not be getting sloppy with these jobs, Layna," he says on his way out.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I say with a sigh as the door shuts behind him.

Evelyn takes a seat on the end of the table, legs visibly quivering from the encounter. She takes a few deep breaths to calm herself before glancing down at me.

She takes a deep breath before beginning. "You didn't-"

"Shut up," I interrupt, refusing to look into her eyes. "Grab the keys. You're driving."

She smiles and jumps off the table excitedly, reaching for the keys Damien left and laying a palm out for me to step onto.

"How does luxury feel?" She asks as I step on.

I can't manage to suppress my smile. "Pretty damn good.”

U should go read zookeeper if you like these characters okay ty for reading bye!!!

[paleneckauthorcowboy]

I'm posting the last I have fic I currently have written in the c!Kestin timeline, more might come later but I'm not sure. I don't really have any TWs other than HABIT being in this fic, and c!Kestin is slightly spiraling.

Life's better now, I'm happier, and things are actually normal. I don't know how I'm alive though, but I guess that doesn't really matter. I'm here now, somehow I ended up in New Jersey. I sit up from my bed and stretch a bit letting out a groan. I'm not a morning person. I get out of bed and make my way over to the bedroom door, I open it and am face to face with my boyfriend(s). I jumped a bit, not out of fear or anything, I just didn't expect it. 

"Morning starshine, the earth says hello!" Habit greets me, or at least I think it's Habit. I smile at him as he gets out of the way so I can pass through the doorway. "Good morning, who am I talking to right now though? Sorry it's just really early." I ask as he rubs his chin, "first of all, it's 11 am, that's not early. Secondly, you gotta guess. If you get it right, you get a kiss." He chuckled and looked at me with a smirk. I sighed and looked back at him, he likes playing games even when I'm tired. "I'm gonna say... Habit, mainly because of how you greeted me, and how you're looking at me." I didn't add the fact that Habit always makes me guess, while Evan just tells me upfront who he is. 

"Ding-ding-ding, bullseye! Good job, sweet pea! You want that kiss now or later?" He leans his face a bit into mine, waiting for confirmation before he does anything, so I just lean in the rest of the way and give him a peck on the lips. "I'll take that as a 'now' then." We both laugh as he leans back and starts walking to the kitchen, I follow behind him. "So, any big plans for today?" He asked as I sat down at the table, he placed a cup of coffee in front of me, it's made just how I like it. In his words 'overwhelming sweet with a shit ton of creamer.' But no matter how much he critiques, he always makes it the same. I really love that about him. 

"Well, Evan and I are going to go walk around downtown, maybe stop by some new stores, and then we're going to go walk a few trails!" I described our day in detail, mainly because I've been looking forward to it all week. I always love spending time with Evan and Habit, even if I can only talk to one of them at once; I always know that the other is listening. It feels nice. "Right, I forgot about your little date today." He replied, I doubt he actually forgot, he's just teasing. "Yeah, so I'm gonna need Evan back, hun." I retorted, smiling sweetly at him. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I just wanted to see my pretty boy first." He grinned as leaned over and kissed my cheek. I can't lie, I love it so much when he calls me his, well anything. I just like knowing that I'm his. 

"Well, it's good to see you too, but Evan and I need to get going. I love you." I beamed and kissed his cheek. "Fine, fine." He sighed and basically just flung Evan back into control. Evan does a little stretch and smiles at me. "Morning, are you ready to go?" Evan wastes no time to get going, in case a certain demon with a BAD HABIT  of interrupting chooses to butt in. We get into the car and drive downtown, chatting about random topics ranging from new video games we want to play, to talking about ideas for stories, to even stories of the past.

We stopped by a few stores, the first was a beautiful antique store. We bought a few things, I got an old looking typewriter and a few stuffed animals; Evan grabbed an adorable tea set and a gorgeous jewelry box. Next we went to a vintage record store, mainly at Habits request; and a bargaining chip to get him to leave Evan alone for a little while. Finally, we went to the trails and hiked for a while, although I couldn't shake the feeling that we were being watched, but I kept it to myself. 

I must have been spacing out while walking because I felt Evan nudge me a little, I looked over at him."Did you hear what I said?" Evan asked as I stared for a second. "Oh, no, I'm sorry. I think I zoned out for a second." I admitted that I hadn't been paying attention, he nodded. "It's fine, I just asked if you wanted to head home after this trail." He repeated himself, being patient with his boyfriend, like he normally is. "Oh, yeah. That'd probably be a good idea. We most likely don't wanna be out when it gets dark, I don't need to deal with ghosts and stuff." I stated, which was true; I don't want to deal with any supernatural forces. Well, other than Habit. Life is normal now and I don't want that to change.

We finished the trail, Evan had to just give me a piggyback ride to the car because my back hurt. He didn't seem to mind though. He was rambling on about Bioshock and I was about half listening, mainly because my mind started to wander to other places. The past. Both Evan and Habit know that I have an issue of reminiscing on time long gone and that sometimes it makes me kind of spiral. But it's not going to be like that this time, things are normal. I am better. 

Before I even seem to realize it, Evan is pulling into the driveway. I lift my head from the passenger seat window and stretch my back a bit. We get out and Evan walks me to the door. "I've got to pick up my sister and drive her to her friend's house, but I'll be back. Are you going to be alright by yourself?" Evan asks, he seems a little worried. He probably noticed that my mind had been drifting quite a bit. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just tired from talking almost all day." It wasn't entirely a lie, I was tired from today. But, I think we could tell that wasn't the whole truth. "Well, okay. But if you need anything, and I mean it when I say anything. Whether it be a hug, some food or to help you beat a video game. Just call and I'll be over as fast as I can." Evan finished his spiel, I smiled. He always seems to have a way of making me feel less tense. "I know, and thank you. It really means a lot." I kissed him on the cheek and he did the same. I watched him pull out of the driveway and waved goodbye before I entered the house. 

I head upstairs and plop onto our shared bed, pulling out my phone and just scrolling on a random app. I do that for about 30 minutes before I see on my timeline, an 'on this day, 18 years ago.' A picture of me.... and Brian. I felt a small ping in my chest, a reminder of how much I miss him, not just him but my old life too. I stare at the photo for what seems like forever, my mind running through old memories, good and bad. But before I could let myself spiral I put my phone down and exited the app. 

I'm better now, I can't let myself get dragged down by the past. I sit up in bed, knowing damn well it'll do me no good moping and burying my face in the pillow, just hoping for something that's never going to return. I get up and walk down to the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet. I walk over to the fridge and dispense some water, taking a mouthful before I pop an ibuprofen in my mouth and swallow. I walk over to the counter and stand there for a little while. Then I heard a noise behind me, I assume it's either Evan or Habit, so I turned around with a smile; but what I saw quickly wiped the smile off of my face and the glass out of my hand. 

It was Brian, or I guess more accurately Hoodie. He's looking down at me as I stare back at him, too stunned to speak. But I was quickly pulled from my trance when the glass cup that was in my hand shattered on the floor. I looked down, almost in a panic; though I swiftly recovered. Opening my mouth to speak, although it took a few minutes for my thoughts to fully process into words. "Brian? Is that really you?" I sounded almost hopeful, so astonished that he might actually be in front of me. We stood in silence for a few moments before he finally said something.

"Yeah, it's me." I couldn't get a good reading on how he was feeling but I did notice a slight shake in his voice. I stepped forward, over the broken glass. "I... I'm happy to see you again.." I just barely mumbled, but I'm pretty sure he heard me. We stood in silence again. "I'm also sorry for how things ended. I'm sorry for what you had to see and that you had to find me, I mean.. I assume it was you..? Either that or it was him.." I rambled a bit trying to break the awkward tension. "Before you ask, no, I don't know how I'm alive or why." I added in. I just want him to talk, say anything.

Suddenly, he opened his arms. I just let myself fall into them. We had our arms wrapped around one another. "I missed you, like, a lot." I just blurt into his chest. "I missed you too. It's good to see you too, even though I was shocked." Brian rubbed my back like he did all those years ago, I felt tears well up in my eyes. "I'm still so sorry for leaving like I did." I spouted, he stopped what he was doing and put his hands on my shoulders. "Hey, No. Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault, you were hurting and you took the only way out that you saw. And I'm not going to get mad at you for it. All that matters is that you are here and you are happy. You are happy, right?" He ranted a bit but still checked on me. 

"Yes, I'm very happy." I smile at Brian. He lifts up his mask and takes it off. He's smiling too. That same goofy gapped tooth smile that I remember. My heart felt warm, it's been years and yet he can still make me grin like an idiot. "I also saw that you have a new boyfriend." He teased me, poking my cheek. "Yeah, I do. Well, technically I have two new boyfriends." I retorted as he raised an eyebrow. "Two?" He asked with a slight smirk. "Yes, two, by technicality. The guy you saw is possessed by a demon whom I am also dating." I explained as I saw Brian rubbing his chin. "Damn, I guess you'd call that..." He paused, I looked at him. "Brian, don't you dare!" I exclaimed as he chuckled. "A two for one deal." I groaned as he laughed at his own joke.

"I see some things just never change. But that's good, I like you goofy." I hugged him again and he returned it. Things are good, they can finally really be normal. I finally have my reunion with my beloved brother.

[cupidstwin333]

For genshin impact and mha, romantic matchup please! ❣️ (I put this picture to help with what I look like, idc if you show it if you need to.)

She/they, bisexual, 19

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin.

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games, reading and writing.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t or my kin itto and scaramouche, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

My favorite nation is fontaine (mostly because you can go underwater and I love sea animals, my favorite element is electric (fire is a close second).

I like a lot of the charactersin genshin but imma put the ones I don't wanna be matched with: heizou, kazuha, female characters (I don't know I just don't like the female characters romantically).

I don't write for genshin impact but with some help from an expert (a friend who plays it... 🤡) I matched you. 💘💘

After a long time of thinking 💭 your match is...

Hawks How it started:

Hawks soared through the sky, the wind ruffling his feathers as he patrolled the city. He had always been carefree, enjoying the freedom that came with being a hero. As he flew, he spotted a commotion down below. Curiosity piqued, he descended to investigate.

There, amidst a group of people, was you, Hawks couldn't help but notice the genuine kindness that radiated from you. As Hawks approached, you were helping a child who had dropped their ice cream, offering them a comforting smile. The kid's tears turned into a grin, and their parents thanked you profusely. Hawks couldn't help but be captivated by your selflessness, and your willingness to help others.

He landed gracefully nearby, his easygoing and relaxed demeanor in full display. "You know," he began, his jovial attitude shining through, "you've got a way with people. I've seen you around, and it seems like you're everyone's go-to when they need a pick-me-up."

You glanced at him, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Well, I guess I like making people happy."

Hawks chuckled. "You and me both. Say, how about we grab some coffee sometime? I'd love to get to know you better."

Your heart skipped a beat, and you couldn't help but nod, your RBF softening. "Sure, that sounds nice."

And just like that, amidst the chaos of the city, Hawks found himself falling for the kind-hearted, artistic, and unique person that was you.

General headcanons:

💘Like any couple, you have disagreements from time to time. However, you both prefer sitting down to talk things out rather than letting arguments fester, which only strengthens your bond.

💘You often sketch or paint during your coffee dates, and Hawks loves watching you work on your art

💘Hawks is always there to support you, whether it's attending your art exhibitions or offering a listening ear when you're dealing with personal issues. He values your friendship and partnership immensely.

💘There are moments when neither of you feels the need to fill the air with words.

💘Hawks occasionally surprises you with small gifts related to your interests.

Childe How it started:

On a crisp, sun-dappled morning, you were on your way to visit a friend, comfortably clad in your favorite hoodie and sweats. As you strolled along the scenic path, absorbed in thought about the day ahead, you suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of a Hydro arrow whizzing through the air. Turning quickly, you spotted Childe, in the midst of a daring battle against some pesky Hilichurls. His wild grin and the way he effortlessly moved through the fight were both captivating and bewildering. It was a spectacle of pure energy and recklessness.

Drawn to the chaos of the battle, you watched with fascination. As the last Hilichurl fell, Childe turned to face you, his clothes a little disheveled and his expression alight with mischief.

"Quite the show, don't you think?" he exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

You couldn't help but chuckle at his audacity. "Impressive," you admitted, giving him a playful smile. Childe's grin widened, and he extended a hand. "I'm Childe, by the way. I couldn't help but notice you on your way somewhere. Mind if I join you?"

Your heart fluttered as you took his hand, a sensation you hadn't expected. His impulsive nature was infectious, and before you knew it, you were walking together, discussing everything from art and games to your shared love of the electric element.

Over time, Childe's thrill-seeking spirit and your quiet, supportive nature seemed like a strange but perfect match. And it was during that first walk, amid laughter and the occasional drawn-out silences, that Childe realized he was falling in love with the enigmatic traveler with red hair. For someone who viewed himself as a miscreant, he had unexpectedly found someone who made his heart race with a different kind of excitement, the thrill of love.

General headcanons:

💘Your quiet and introverted nature contrasts sharply with Childe's impulsiveness and outgoing demeanor. At first, it seems like an odd pairing, but over time, you find that your differences complement each other perfectly.

💘Childe loves watching you paint and sketch, often silently admiring your artistic talents.

💘You introduce Childe to your love for board games, and it becomes a favorite pastime for both of you. The competitive spirit comes out, and these game nights often end in laughter and playful arguments over who cheated during the game.

💘Childe may be a bit of a miscreant, but when it comes to your well-being, he's incredibly protective and supportive.

💘Childe finds your emo style endearing and often playfully teases you about it.

I'd appreciate it if you'd reblog this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it <3

[msperfectsheep-posts]

Ask Meme

I was tagged by @rosencrantzsguildenstern for this ask meme, so why not!

Do you make your bed?

Uhhhh well. Sort of. I definitely make it any time I expect I'm going to have company, but on a weekday when I'm the only one in my dorm room? Nah. I didn't make it when I had a roommate either unless I thought she was going to have company (but she never warned me in advance for that so LMAO)

What's your favorite number?

I'm a lucky 7 kind of gal, but I also really jive with 36 and 81. My factors of 9 <3 <3 <3 If I have to pick one, it's always going to be 7 though

What is your job?

Right now, I work for the US Department of Agriculture! I've worked some other random jobs though, such as a waitress at a high-end retirement home and an assistant at a local hospital

If you could go back to school, would you?

Yes. Absolutely. I would reduce how many classes I take (because haha I am at 22 credit hours right now :')) but I love learning! I don't love all the pomp and circumstance of academia, but I've considered becoming a teacher several times as a career option and I actually have taught in a professional setting before. School's a love of mine that even all the stresses I've put myself through hasn't fully been killed

Can you parallel park?

Yep! My city almost never requires it because it's a newer one and street parking is only really used in our tiny downtown or in neighborhoods, but I can do it!

A job you had that would surprise people?

Uhhhh I think my current job is that, LOL! But even then, once I explain the details of my job, people seem to think it fits me pretty well :)

Do you think aliens are real?

I think that somewhere in space, there's something that could be considered life, but we can't agree if viruses are living, so I doubt that whatever could be "life" in another part of space would fit our current definitions! Evolution is already fucked enough as is, so accidentally going down any path that resembles what happened on Earth feels pretty unlikely to me

Can you drive a manual car?

Yes! I practiced with my grandpa's old car, though I also stalled a few times LOL so I'm not GOOD, but I can do it! With more practice I think I would be fine

What's your guilty pleasure?

I'm not really sure? I'm not really guilty about any of my pleasures because they're all pretty vanilla? In my household it's definitely mayo though. No one in my household likes mayo and I usually have to deal with Bullying of the highest degree if I want to use it when I'm eating with my sister and parents

Tattoos?

Nope! And I don't want to get them either. I have an irrational thing of permanently adding things to my body to the point where I had a surgery to remove a part of my flesh instead of having a tiny metal rod inserted in me. Tattoos are filed under the same "body modification" ick mentally

Favorite Color?

A soft lilac! I also really like the darker, desaturated greens, but purple is my eternal love

Favorite type of music?

Things that lean more into the rock side of things! I like harsher sounds, faster tempos, that sort of thing, but also my music taste is literally all over the place. It really really REALLY is a case-by-case basis but if I had to say anything, most Paramore songs are ones I love

Do you like puzzles?

It depends on the puzzle! I like logic and math puzzles, and mysteries are fun as well, but a jigsaw is something I'll only really do if I'm with friends or exceedingly bored

Any phobias?

Well, there's that body modification one I mentioned earlier! I also have an irrational fear of beetles and an even more irrational fear of specifically dropping a kitchen knife into my foot! Yowch!

Favorite childhood sport?

I didn't really play sports as a kid, but if I had to pick one, probably swimming? My current favorite sport is definitely dancing, though (folk and ballroom!)

Do you talk to yourself?

Yep! I use both the singular and plural first person pronouns "I" and "We" when I talk to myself. Generally, I use "I" when I'm more passively thinking, and "We" when I'm being metacognizant.

What movie(s) do you adore?

Back to the Future (1985) by Robert Zemekis my BELOVED!!!! I cannot recommend it enough, and I made a quote from it my senior quote in high school. I also really love The Sixth Sense (1999) and Tangled (2010)

Coffee or tea?

Tea, as I have yet to ever drink coffee! But when I drink my tea, I like it unsweetened and iced

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

First thing I remember was, ironically, a teacher! Some things don't change <3

I'm gonna tag @riinsanity @0mega-x @koi0boi @ and @yukimomodivorce

[msanonymous]

If there are many worlds, co-existing at the same time as ours, I wish in one of those worlds I've already found you. I wonder if a world like that exists, what's it like over there?

Maybe it's Spring season there, and in the evening time, just after asr, I'm sitting in the lounge when I see you walk in with a flower bouquet in your hand and a smile on your face. And it feels as if spring just walked in right through my door in the form of you. You hand me the flowers, “It's so beautiful, Jazakallah Khair.” I exclaim and maybe you say something cheesy back like “Not more than you” making me roll my eyes in response.

Or maybe it's Summer, we're on a long drive, the car moving peacefully with the cool wind, under the dazzling sun and we're talking about simple mundane things like what we should have for lunch or which flavours of ice creams should we get?

Maybe, right now it's raining outside and there are 2 steaming hot cups of coffee resting on the window sill. And you are by my side, both of us mesmerised by the weather. You pick your cup, take a sip and look at me from the corner of your eyes when I don't make any attempt to take mine. “The last time I checked you were a coffee person.” you say raising your brows at me. “I still am. But a cold-coffee person. I thought you knew that.” I snap, while glaring at you. “Oh believe me dear, I know. I just can't wrap my head around how you can drink that in this cold weather and not fall sick.” you say calmly, with a grin. “Prevention is better than cure.” you tease. “I ca- the voices of the conversation slowly start to fade as the cool breeze passes, and so do the days, weeks and months.

And winter comes and maybe, there, I'm sitting on the lawn chairs on a cold night, staring at the moon, with a book long forgotten in my lap. And suddenly I feel someone put a jacket on my shoulders, I look up and see you smiling. “What are you doing here this late?” you ask softly as you sit on the chair next to me. “Oh just the moon...” I trail off. “Mmhmm? Is it a full moon today?” you ask. “Uhh-” and just as I'm about to turn my head and see, you gently grab my face and make me look at you. And the moment I look I see it. I see how you saw and knew. Knew that once again with the darkness of the night I travelled to the dark pits of my past and fears. How do you do that? See me? When I don't want the world to see me? How you never just looked at me to look, how you looked at me to see me, how you always see and just know. I wanted to ask you all of that. But I didn't get to. Because when you looked into my sad and quiet eyes instead of saying things like “Oh just get over it.” “It's all in your head.” like all other people did, you caress the scar present just beneath my left eye with your warm and gentle fingers and softly whisper “I know some things take time and I'm here, I'm here waiting for you at the end.” and when I could just nod in response, you smile and grab the book and get up. “Let's go home, I'll read this to you.” “It's a romance. You won't like it.” I say chuckling. “I love you enough to like the things you like.” you say, softly, while extending your hand for me. And I put mine in yours with a smile on my face. “Geez, your hands are like ice slabs.” and I just smile again because instead of flinching and letting it go, you just tighten your grip softly, as if to take all the coldness away and fill me with warmth instead. “Let's go home.” you said earlier but how will I ever tell you that I was already home the moment you came and held me. When I was too lost to even call you.

And suddenly the bubble bursts and I'm back in this world, where everything is just the same, the rain, the window, except there's only one cup on the sill, filled with iced-coffee, there's no trace of you. And I just smile wryly looking at the ice cubes floating above thinking how I don't know a thing about you here, even if you exist or not. As if all the warmth was left in that world. But- Those words, the warmth of those words still lingers…

“I know some things take time and I'm here, I'm here waiting for you at the end.”

~ms.anonymous