#i don't spend nearly enough time thinking about mother's ruin

[silverview]

guys getting hurt dot com slash sad little perverts

[friendlylifecherry]

Idea for the Gavin parents since we don't hear anything about them and I want to speculate: Kristoph and Klavier's parents both played favorites. Their mother liked Klavier better, their father preferred Kristoph. Mrs. Gavin seemed to resent her eldest from the day he was born, calling him a "devil child" and never showing him any affection. Mr. Gavin knew how it affected Kristoph and made it his mission to be the parent that could and would be there for Kristoph. Then Klavier was born (he was an accident; not like Kristoph was planned either, but there's a difference between "pleasant surprise" and "life-ruining misfortune" that Kristoph knew all too well) and Mrs. Gavin just loved him from first sight, showering him with affection. That's when Kristoph and Mr. Gavin realized: oh, it wasn't that she resented motherhood, she just hated Kristoph.

Mr. Gavin hated it and thus, hated Klavier. He was always some "spoiled brat" in his eyes. The couple's fights over how they treated their respective sons really only got worse ever since Klavier was born. Every day, Kristoph just wished they could get a divorce. Hell, he wished that they would just both die so they could leave him and Klavier in peace.

Klavier could tell. The boy was not nearly as dumb as some may think he is. He saw how mom would give him kisses and hugs and glare at Kristoph whenever he was just working quietly. He saw how father would readily praise Kristoph for his excellent grades and conduct in school, yet everything Klavier did was met with scorn and disdain.

It was the night that Kristoph graduated from college that it all went to hell. They were home, and their parents made dinner (Mr Gavin had to deliberately make Kristoph's favorites, since Mrs. Gavin refused to, again). Klavier mentioned he wanted to take the Themis Acadamey accelerated legal course. Their dad had opinions, negative ones, and that started their worst argument yet. This wasn't a normal argument, though. This was the kind you only found in songs about toxic romance. Screaming, cursing, throwing things, using everything that ever angered them against the other. And, of course, their sons were caught in the crossfire.

It wasn't until a plate very nearly hit a cowering Klavier in the head that Kristoph decided that he had enough. He stood up, excused himself, dragged Klavier away, and drove Klavier straight to Daryan's house. Kristoph handed him part of his graduation gift money, telling him to go spend time with Daryan and order pizza or something. He'll be back in a few hours after their parents are done. Which was the first sign that something was deeply wrong. Kristoph hated Daryan and never gave anyone money he got for gifts, he always saved it away.

It wasn't until a few hours later into a jam session that really wasn't going anywhere with Klav looking like he's about to puke when Kristoph came back. He looked... bad. When Klavier left the house to see him, Kristoph just gave him a hug, shivering. The second sign, Kristoph never showed affection in public or showed that he was scared of anything.

The whole drive back home was just terrifying. Klavier didn't have the guts to ask what happened, not when Kristoph was deliberately keeping his hands on the wheel and eyes on the road the whole time, white knuckling the wheel as they made their way home.

Then, they pulled up to the house to find it surrounded by emergency services. That's when Kristoph admits it: their parents were fighting, and he got so upset that he punched the old furnace. It's why he's holding his hand like that [this is where he got the scar]. Then, when they just started getting louder, he screamed at them. Kristoph never screamed at his parents before, and when he was done, he left before he could get in trouble. But he got worried when neither of them tried to call after he left, so he called emergency services. That's when they started to wheel out Mr and Mrs Gavin to the ambulances.

They had suffered from CO poisoning since the way Kristoph hit the old furnace managed to let the fumes in. Mrs. Gavin would die in the hospital, having never woken up again. Mr. Gavin survived but needed around-the-clock care due to the mental deficits he had gotten. Part of that was hypophonia or soft speech. He could barely even talk after waking up, and whatever he did speak was slow and full of stammering. As of AA6, he hasn't spoken in 5 years and hasn't spoken to Klavier since he was 15, at least 10 years on.

Kristoph won't acknowledge anything about this, not a single word. But after he turned 18 and started university, he would make a little mark in the side of the furnace once a day, out of sight but with plenty of room for Kristoph to maneuver. It took years, wearing down on the side of the furnace while stuck in that deeply unhappy home. But that night, he had finally grown sick enough of them to set his plan into motion. After dropping off Klavier, he came back and punched the furnace, just as he had told Klavier, but the strike was right at that point that he had been weakening with pinpoints, nails, and anything small and vaguely sharp over these long 4 years. The mark on his hand wasn't ideal, to say the least, but he was able to get out 22 years of burning frustration with them not being able to do a thing as he went out to his car and drove off with a muted phone.

Kristoph covered up the bruising as best as he could, then after waiting another hour, figured that now would be a good time to get Klavier, calling emergency services after he reached Daryan's house.

He knows it's his deliberate planning that killed his mother and crippled his father for life. He's a horrible person and knows it. That's how he got the first black Psyche-lock.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again

I hope no one was expecting a line-by line complex exegesis of chapter 17, because I generated a wall of TEXTSLOP. It was never intended to mean anything specific, although I did edit it selectively, for poetry and interest. I didn't really expect anyone to read it, I just wanted them to open the chapter and go "what the fuck is this shit??"

I think I used this page to generate it, which must be twenty years old, at the absolute minimum, and the code is from the 1990s. It's beyond irritating that Markov chain text generators, along with other venerable methods of cut-up and creative mixology, are probably now tarred with the same brush as bullshit like chatGPT. Anyway, you could call it a Small Language Model, in that it only uses the text you put into it, doesn't steal it to do plagiarism, and doesn't require the energy and water usage of a small country to run.

I... had totally forgotten which texts I put into it, and had to spend way too long cross-checking fragments. All I remembered was that the nonsense-title of the chapter was taken from the title-letters of the input books, and it was supposed to be things Iriel had recently encountered, to represent a chaotic vomiting of his subconscious.

I think it's this:

V = 36 Lessons of Vivec

C = Chimarvamidium

D = The Book of Dawn and Dusk

R = A Less Rude Song

K = The Ruins of Kemel-Ze

A = Song of the Alchemists

A = Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi

...but I'm pretty sure there's also Special Flora of Tamriel there, in an uncredited role. I don't think that, or Song of the Alchemists is mentioned as something Iriel reads in-fic, but since Ire's an alchemist, I shovelled them into the word-hopper, too. I suspect I never noticed at the time that Song of the Alchemists is not an alchemical textbook, but silly Marobar Sul doggerel, and not exactly something Iriel would read.

Anyway, please do go ahead and cancel me for "writing fic with AI".

Playlist pick: Of Montreal - Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse. For when you really, really need the drugs to work. Or something to work. Anything. It's all just chemicals, right? C'MON, CHEMICALS!

Once we're done with the psychedelic breakdown, we have a temptation scene, specifically, Iriel wakes up in a wizard's bed, and barely resists intellectual seduction by House Telvanni.

The mage laid the book across the bed and opened it, revealing page after page of writing in Dwemer script.

Neither of them can read it yet, but the book is Divine Metaphysics, one of the three books you need to solve Trebonius' Dwemer mystery quest.

He sighed, and turned another page, revealing a complicated diagram of… Iriel wasn’t sure, but he was interested enough to sit up fully, and examine it. “Chimarvamidium,” he said, eventually.

Iriel is reacting to the diagram in the book of an anthropoid Dwemer construct, a theme that also occurs in Chimarvamidium. The picture under his nose is almost certainly Numidium, something he should be at least theoretically aware of. Tiber Septim used it to conquer Summerset in the Second Era, within living memory of older Altmer, and if Ire wasn't concentrating in history class, he was fourteen years old at the time of The Warp in The West. Admittedly, the giant robot was stomping about in Daggerfall, by then (so no trying to claim it had any weird effects on Ire's developing psyche!), and perhaps even a Dragon Break was barely a blip on his radar, compared to the horrors of being a teenager in Lillandril. Either way, Ire misses the obvious fact about the picture, and makes a more remote connection, something Baladas takes as evidence of a subtler, more esoteric intellectual approach, when it's actually far more to do with:

“I’m sorry. I think I’m still sssomewhat under the effects of an Imperial fuckton of skooma.

Iriel was previously only ever doing moon sugar. Skooma is much, much stronger, more addictive, and, for a magic-sensitive Altmer, extremely psychoactive and hallucination-inducing. He also drank two bottles, straight. Skooma is a liquid, and can be drunk, but is more commonly smoked (inhaled as a vapour?) through a pipe. I am assuming that smoking is the preferred method because the effects are slow and gentle, whereas drinking it is extremely neither of those things.

Yes, fine, the line about skooma being like "eight hundred orgasms tied to a brick" is an echo of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy description of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster cocktail as being "like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick". NO that is NOT a pop culture reference, that's just me stealing shit, which is totally different okay?

“Was that a Daedroth back there?”

Baladas keep a pet Daedroth. Wait... is it a pet? Are they sentient? Some of them are named, and have relationships to other characters that could imply they were intelligent. But... hmm. Dangerous tangent. Let's assume it's just a pet, yeah?

“It’s adorable! What’s its name?” Ire poked it, giggling in delight as it contracted its metal limbs back into its shell.

Again. Please let the record show that the first time Iriel interacted closely with a non-hostile Dwemer automaton, he was overcome with nothing more lascivious or sinister than childlike glee and wonder. You filthy animals.

Poor little centurion, does your daddy not even care enough to–”

He did indirectly call a Telvanni wizard "daddy", though. I can't really defend him from that one, since I'm pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing*. And so did Baladas, because he shut that bullshit down FAST.

(* exactly what he was doing = being very silly and no-filter. Iriel is not actually looking to get "mentored" by a much older wizard, even if he could find one more interested in doing it.)

“The miners report that a screaming, semi-transparent Altmer, covered in weeds and soaking wet, broke into the eggmine from the lower levels.

This whole bit is confusing, and I don't like it. It's not funny, and it really doesn't matter about the stupid route Iriel took to end up with the book on Baladas' doorstep. But yes, you can get into the Gnisis eggmine via the riverbed outside town, and from there, into the Dwemer ruin and back. If he knew, Iriel would feel smug about the fact Edwinna would have tried to make him go there, on purpose, later, if she hadn't expelled him by then.

“Auri-El, what did you do to them?” Ire had heard about Telvanni methods.

While he hasn't encountered many Telvanni in Morrowind, he would have read things like this, in which Telvanni mages are notorious for being fans of inventive magical torture.

Iriel knew the score. Baladas Demnevanni was a serious Dwemer scholar, [...] He could make far better use of it than Ire ever would. And yet, something in Iriel resisted.

Iriel does know the score, and part of the score that he knows is: while Baladas is much older and more powerful, he's not technically Iriel's senior. Because Ire's not in House Telvanni, or any other structure that makes him Demnevanni's subordinate. Which Ire leaves free to resist. Sure, Baladas could take the book by magical force, but Iriel has enough pride to want to force him to do that, to not capitulate based purely on academic bluster. (Yes, of course Iriel can have a powerful and resilient scholarly ego, while simultaneously having zero self esteem. You've met academics, right?)

“It’s mine,” he said. “I found it. And I never asked you to take care of me.”

Saying this feels good. It's true: he didn't ask to be taken care of. And Baladas' reasons for doing so are cleanly self-interested, and make perfect sense to Ire. There's no messy pity involved, no need to spare the feelings of someone who thought they were being a good person, when you're too bitter and damaged to be grateful. This whole conversation is, in many ways, Iriel's ideal type of social interaction.

I will give you information about the location of Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell, and in return, you will bring me any more books that you find there.”

The location of known Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell is not, at this point in time, especially secret information, so Baladas is rather getting the better end of this deal. But if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making it, would he?

The only people qualified are my fellow mages, but Telvanni do not co-operate. Anything they found, they would keep for themselves.

His reasoning checks out, though, so Iriel is inclined to trust him. I really did think Ire would take him the other books at some point, and Ire himself intended to at various points, but... in the end, things got complicated. Iriel comes back to Gnisis, but not to Arvs Drelen, and he keeps all his findings to himself.

“Sweet Mara, no. I just want to be left alone to read.”

“You have just spoken the unofficial motto of House Telvanni.

The problem, I suppose, is that Ire is entirely too Telvanni at heart. It was always touch-and-go, as to whether he'd find an excuse to join the House. After all, he's perfect for it... but that's exactly why he resisted.

Iriel knows he's an obsessive, isolationist weirdo, who's probably going to end up alone in a tower, reading esoterically taboo books all day. Surrounded by robots and summoned Daedra, because that's the only level of social contact he's capable of tolerating. He knows all that, he knows exactly the sort of person he is. He just doesn't like that person. And when Telvanni start tempting him to fully embrace weird hermit mage life, he's forcefully reminded of what Telvanni are known for, and how isolating yourself with only Daedra for company makes you lose all contact with pedestrian concepts like "morality", and "not torturing people to death with lightning spells".

Clearly, Ire's being ridiculous to think his own morality is so fragile, but after the day he's had, he's feeling fragile in all sorts of ways, and unwilling to trust his own limits.

each mage seeks only solitude and freedom to continue his or her work.” [...] “Knowledge may be power,” he was declaiming, “but for some of us, it is enough that knowledge is knowledge.

And Ire's right to question the actual content of Baladas' rhetorical  flourishes: freedom to do what? Power to do what? Knowledge of what? Doesn't it matter? The Telvanni answer certainly seems to be "no". But Ire's experiences with education have left him questioning the value of the "knowledge" he obtained. Certainly, if he was supposed to convert it into power, he appears to have missed a crucial step in the process. He's not sure he wants Telvanni instruction, for taking that step.

He stood up, and began to concentrate a sphere of magicka between his hands. “Where should I send you?”

I have a question about teleportation. What are the rules? Guild guides only transport people to other guild halls, but is that restriction due to rules, or ability? UESP says that guides "maintain magical contact with their counterparts in other branches", but I can't find an ingame source for this. If true, that would explain the restriction, but I'm not sure I buy it. It's possible for a guild guide to send you into a guildhall where the "receiving" guild guide is no longer there, for example during this quest. And the mage who sends you to Mournhold in the Tribunal expansion isn't a guild guide, but sends you as a favour, since she's a "powerful mage".

So: my theory is that it's totally possible for a skilled mage to teleport people to other locations without another linked mage "catching" them, but the right location helps. Receiving chambers are magically set up in guildhalls to act as teleportation beacons, and that's the focus, rather than the other guide. This fits with how Divine and Almsivi Intervention work, not to mention Mark and Recall. Guild guides are trained to be specially attuned to these beacons, but any sufficiently powerful Mysticism expert can sling people into them, as Baladas does, here. Really powerful ones might not even need beacons, though I imagine there are exponential risks to the subject, as the location gets more distant and/or unfamiliar.

So, because it's theoretically possible, if difficult, I also think there are strict rules about where guild guides can send people, just like you can't ask the bus driver to take you anywhere you want, even if he technically could. Because teleportation would have to be a highly regulated skill! You can't just send people anywhere, that could cause all sorts of trouble.

As an aside, every guild guide in Morrowind is a beautiful woman. There's something a bit retro air stewardess about that, isn't there? Male game devs thinking women should be in travel service roles, or something? Hmm.

“Um… Ald'ruhn, please. The Mages’ Guild, for preference, but as long as you don’t teleport me inside a wall, I’ll be happy.”

Iriel's not keen to launch into his Queer Coded Villain arc, yet. So despite Baladas' blandishments, it's back to the loving arms of the Mages' Guild, for now.

“I want you to know,” Edwinna was saying, “that this is not about the Dwemer tube.

...Ah. Never mind.

“Whilst you were gone, some disturbing information came to light. When I agreed to mentor you, I was unaware of the crimes for which you were convicted in Cyrodiil. I’m sure you understand why the theft of magical artifacts is not something I can simply ignore.”

I realised something really funny just now, which is that if Edwinna has been digging into Iriel's background check, presumably through a contact at the Arcane University, then she must know Iriel is also supposed to have straight-up murdered one of his professors. But that's not what's bothering her at all!

“In addition, there is the matter of your drug abuse.

I can only assume that when Iriel took a little too long returning with the Dwemer tube, she couldn't resist the temptation to go through his bedroom. In her ensuing freak-out at finding DRUGS, it emerged that no one had ever actually looked into the squirrelly-looking Altmer's claim on application that he'd studied at the Arcane University.

Ire stopped recasting the Paralyze spell on himself

I was determined to try and find creative ways to use Illusion spells, and to some extent, that was the motive for this whole scene.

He had fully expected to burst into tears as soon as he was alone, possibly sooner, but instead, he found himself gripped by a cold fury.

So, I had planned to get Iriel expelled for a while, and originally I, like Iriel himself,  assumed that he would be devastated, because the number of times he's got himself kicked out of magical institutions is ridiculous at this point. But coming right off the conversation with Baladas, that wasn't where his head was at, at all. He was furious, and when a character gives you the gift of an unexpected emotional reaction, you always gotta lean into it, because it's one of my favourite things about writing. Iriel's vitriolic contempt for the Mages' Guild (and Edwinna Elbert in particular) gave him the motivation to do all sorts of fun things later, and really channel that "I'll show those fools at the institute!" energy. Even if he never did join House Telvanni.

At the last minute, he stopped, turned back, and retrieved Vivec’s Sermon 14 from under the bed.

On the one hand, yes, I am making fun of Iriel for considering porn* an essential, but also... not entirely? At the risk of getting too brutally real about mental illness, masturbation can be a key hammer in the mental toolbox, albeit one that tends not to get included on cute little listicles of harm-reduction coping techniques like taking bubble baths or snapping an elastic on your wrist. For people who spend their lives trying to manipulate their brains into staying above the line marked "basic functionality", orgasm can occasionally seem like the brief boost of feel-good chemicals that might kick it over that line. It is, at any rate, cheaper and safer than many alternatives, and while it's not nearly as effective as skooma, at least you don't have to fight smugglers in a cave for it. Or worse, interact with Tsiya.

*Iriel's current opinion of said text. We can make fun of him for this one.

“I’m sorry, Iriel.” Erranil shook her head, primly. “I’m no longer authorised to transport you.

It is the stupidest fucking thing that you don't have to be a member of the Mages Guild to use guild guide transportation, but if you've been expelled from the guild, they put you on a permanent no-fly list! This was often extremely annoying, ingame.

That said, it was funny to be playing the opposite of a "proper" Morrowind character, who ends up head of all the factions, including being Pope of two different religions at once. Iriel, by contrast, got expelled while still Apprentice rank in the Mages, never got past the early ranks in Thieves, and while he got one or two Imperial Cult ranks, he stopped once it wasn't going to get him laid any more.

But yes, I did get Iriel ingame-mechanically-expelled from the Mages' Guild on purpose (possibly by stealing a spoon?). For immersion. Method gamer, y'know.

next: 21: refinement & 22: fragile previous: 13: legs & 14: plan & 15: claws & 16: door

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 34 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

"Boys, enough," Leo Ridley cut in, looking confused and sounding resigned like he was used to having to get between his two sons.

"No, seriously, do any of you know who he really is?" Fox asked, looking around the table.

Wren glared at his brother.

While before he looked calm and relaxed, Wren now looked tense.

It was a strange look on him that I had never really seen before.

That look on his face distracted me from the embarrassment for a moment but once my mind caught up, I couldn't help but feel humiliated.

Fox was going to call me out in front of his family, which wouldn't have been half as embarrassing if I wasn't so involved with his brother but the embarrassment hit me with full force and I felt like getting up and walking out and never seeing anyone from this family again.

When no one answered Fox, he continued.

"He's the one who got us kicked out of the tournament last year," Fox spat.

"After he attacked me and he even gave Elijah hell before that."

Everyone was silent for a moment and I was mortified.

It wasn't like what he was saying was untrue.

The worst part about it was that it was true and couldn't help but think that this was why Wren was so reluctant to be serious with me.

He didn't want to meet the Hansons but he didn't really want me to be spending any time with his family either.

Maybe it was because he knew they would hate me when Fox found out and told them everything.

He knew we couldn't last because his family was important to him and I would only drive a wedge between them.

I wanted to shrivel up and vanish into nothing.

I wanted to cease to exist at all.

There was nowhere I could escape to.

I was frozen in place.

Wren hadn't said a word, he barely even reacted.

I didn't know what I expected.

Him to defend me?

From what?

Fox was telling the truth.

"And..." Fox started again.

"Fox, enough," Vanessa snapped.

It was the only time all night that she looked even remotely upset.

She had been happy throughout the whole dinner, laughing and smiling with her kids but now because I was here and causing all this tension, her night was ruined.

"I know very well who he is," she added, raising her eyebrows at Fox.

That meant that Dan and Mandy Ellis had told her about me after that time I saw them all at their house.

That only made me feel even more embarrassed.

Wren must have sensed my discomfort and started to stand, motioning for me to follow him.

I wordlessly left the able with Wren.

I should have thanked his parents for the meal, thanked his mother for inviting me but it was like I was on autopilot, my feet taking me wherever Wren went.

The two of us left the restaurant and went outside.

Wren leaned back against his car with his hands in his pockets while I stood in front of him.

"Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Wren said in a light tone.

I wanted to cry.

I didn't know what I wanted from him.

No part of me wanted to remember anything that had happened tonight but I still wanted him to comfort me.

We were standing only a few feet apart but it felt like he was a mile away.

"It wasn't that bad?" I asked in disbelief.

My words were short and choppy, nearly caught in my throat.

I could feel my throat drying up while tears welled in my eyes.

"You're upset," he said it in a bland tone.

A statement, not a question.

It was like he couldn't understand why the whole thing upset me.

I let out a humorless laugh, a cough coming out at the end.

"Yeah, Wren, I'm fucking upset."

"You don't need to be."

"But I am, Wren. That shit was fucking humiliating."

"It was far more embarrassing for Fox," Wren said.

"He nearly threw a tantrum."

He was trying to play it off like that didn't bother him but there was a reason he didn't want Fox knowing about us, so there was no way this whole thing didn't affect him too.

I could feel him putting a wall up, pulling away from me and that made me want to cry even more.

The two of us didn't say anything else before his family eventually exited the restaurant.

Fox walked right past us and surprised everyone by getting into the passenger's seat of Wren's car.

I was shocked and didn't realize Vanessa had walked over to me until she put her hand on my shoulder.

She looked at me with kind eyes, reminding me so much of Mandy Ellis.

"Thank you for coming tonight, Landon," she said.

"Maybe we'll see you tomorrow at the game."

"Thank you for dinner," I managed to get out.

Leo walked over and patted me on the shoulder before the two of them went to their own car with Colt and Fawn.

With Fox sitting in the front seat of Wren's car, I had to get in the back behind the driver's seat next to Raven who was in the middle seat, Robin on her other side.

"You're dropping me off last," Fox said to Wren as he got into the driver's seat.

Wren let out a sigh and started the car.

Robin reached forward and smacked Fox on the back of the head.

"Quit being a dick," Robin said.

Fox didn't respond and the car ride back to my dorm was silent.

When we pulled up to my building, I couldn't get out of the car fast enough.

"I'll text you," Wren said as he rolled down the window, staring at me intensely.

I nodded at him before rushing into my building.

It wasn't until I was finally in my room that I let the tears fall.

[voirists]

This is the picture I have as my profile on one of my socials.

Just a lot of tired rambling beneath the cut. Descriptions of not so great parenting and insinuated queerphobia, I guess?

Today my mother that I see once a year (and i'm very happy for those circumstances. 7 days a year are torture enough) called me on my dad's phone since she knew I wouldn't pick up if I saw her number to inquire about it. Or rather, interrogate me about it.

Her last update was me insinuating I had a girlfriend (which I didn't. I did say it out of spite though, since I'm afab and my mom is enough of a fucking queerphobe, she insists on disrespecting me in all ways possible and still hasn't managed to call me by the right names or pronouns even once without mocking me off the ends of the earth) and that nearly gave her an aneurysm, so I quite enjoyed not correcting her about that. That was nearly two years ago.

I also have never, never, ever brought up Pedro or anything of the like to her because she will never see any of his things on her own (she's kind of extremist old-fashioned when it comes to electronics and media too, what a shocker) and her favorite pastime is destroying the things I enjoy and making me miserable.

For some reason, she saw this picture today (I've had it for months) and her first thought was that this is a picture I took of my (non-existent) boyfriend. So she called me to complain that

1. Why doesn't she know about him? Clearly, we are best friends and she loves me oh so much and god, I am such a terrible daughter who just wants to make her miserable, what did I ever do to you? She's incredibly upset that I would not share these things with her (gasp) and she wants to meet him. I literally live in a different country. There are over ten hours of a drive between us (and thank fuck for that, physical distance is the only thing stopping her from randomly showing up on my doorstep and ruining my week and instantly making my mental health skyrocket 50 feet beneath the ground).

2. I seem to have fun. He seems to have fun. God forbid I have joy in my life that she can't get a chance to ruin and make about herself.

3. I am terrible with photography. Why is this picture so blurry? Also, he looks older. Have I finally realized the whole queer thing is just to make her suffer and myself special so I don't feel so worthless? Having a man put me in my place is just what I need, because clearly I'm still in my rebellious stage, thinking I don't want to see her every weekend.

4. She's also calling to remind me that it's mother's day, I owe it to her to celebrate her special day and she's so upset I didn't get her a week-long trip to Italy for two (that I wouldn't even be invited to) as a present. It's not like I'm barely paying rent and am lucky to have 20 bucks left at the end of a month.

And every time, she's fucking surprised as if it was big news that I'm not really into spending time with her as her metaphorical and literal punching bag, door mat and therapist. I wonder why that is. For fucks sake.

I am currently very tempted to photoshop myself into pictures with Pedro and putting them as my profile on that social she's apparently now stalking, slowly getting more unhinged until she's so fucking offended by it, she won't try to call me any longer out of pure disgust.

Apparently "Oh god, yes please" is not the right answer to her threat of putting me in therapy and going no contact because I'm so fucking horrible and bullying her by being myself and not giving a shit about her opinion anymore. I would have gotten myself therapy fucking years ago if I could afford it, and this is a very weird attempt to control a full ass adult who lives in a whole other country.

[manslaught]

that's not what the rest of the world thinks. to them, it doesn't matter what mikayla went through her entire childhood, because there's plenty of kids who get hurt by their parents who don't end up hurting people and murdering their parent as a result. for so long, mikayla was angry about it, wishing they'd just see her side, that they'd understand she didn't think she had any choice but to become the person she did, to do what she did to him, but now she starts to wonder if maybe they were right. “ you're, like, one of five fucking people in the entire world who thinks that. ” and mikayla's not even entirely included in that anymore.

she frowns, not wanting to think back to that night at all, but she can't help it, looking down at her hands. “ it was— it was worse than what it looked like in the mugshot. ” there were pictures of her hands spread everywhere, she knows, but she's not sure how much attention was given to the rest of her own injuries. the broken ribs, bruised lung, all the stitches she had to get, and still, people question whether it actually was self defense. “ my hands are still fucked. ” that part is mostly her own doing, only scarred because she'd kept hitting him until her knuckles split, not stopping until she was pulled off of him, and they just never healed properly after that, leaving the scars that everyone stared at until she finally got so irritated with it that she bought gloves to hide them instead.

“ there's not. ” that's not necessarily true. her mother's offered to get her a place somewhere more private, but the idea of being separate from society gives her anxiety after the crash and her years spent in prison, no matter how horrible most people are. she scowls, irritated that tai would even try to accuse nat or travis for being the reason for all of this, shaking her head. “ i've had more people over than they ever have. ” only asher's family and brittany, and while she's not nearly as close to either of them as she is with nat and travis, she trusts them enough to know they aren't spreading her address around, either. “ it's whatever. they'll all get bored eventually. ” she hopes so, at least, because that's the only way she can see all of this coming to an end.

mikayla lets out an indignant snort; she knows all too well that parents aren't required to love their kids, because neither of hers ever did, but she can't expect tai to actually understand that— something she's grateful for, because she deserves to have parents who care. “ but i knew he didn't. and i still went back. ” she doesn't want to consider that place home, because she never really did, but she also doesn't want to remember the only time she felt like she was at home— when she was with tai, even in the middle of the worst situation possible. “ i would've told you no. ” or maybe she wouldn't have, really, because she was so terrified of what she'd have to deal with that she could've convinced herself to let tai help her anyway, but like tai said— they can't focus on what they should have done. it's too late for that.

it's hard for her to believe she won't just drag tai down if she becomes a part of her life again. she knows how much tai has accomplished, as much as she can know without asking her herself, at least, and the last thing she wants to do is ruin that— especially when she knows that, if she does, then all those years they spent apart were for nothing. but the moment tai admits she never stopped loving her, mikayla can't even focus on anything else, wondering for a moment once again if she's just hearing things again. she's afraid to believe her, afraid to get hurt again, but shoving her away doesn't feel like the right solution, either, not when she knows she'll spend the rest of her life regretting it.

she'd convinced herself that happiness was always going to be out of reach for her, that she destroyed her chances when she killed her father, but here's seemingly the only chance she has to be happy again, as long as she's not too afraid to take it. being with tai again won't fix everything— she'll still hate herself, still be hated by everyone else, but at least she'll have something again. tai was able to make her feel better in the worst place imaginable, so maybe she still can, despite everything she's done to hurt her since. mikayla says nothing, torn between arguing and just giving in, slowly looking back over to her. that's probably where she fucked up, because she can't look at tai, hear her tell her she still loves her, that she wants her back in her life, and not give in. she might regret it, but she had that same thought seven years ago, minutes before tai left to find help, and just like then, she ignores that possibility, letting out a frustrated sigh of defeat, reaching for the front of tai's shirt and pulling her close, lips finding herself before she could talk herself out of it.

she frowns,  because she never held any of that against mikayla.   and she knows that mikayla never held any of that against her,  either—    not even when tai was at her worst,   when she made herself believe that she had done something truly horrible to allie stevens,  mikayla had her back,   mikayla reassured her that she didn’t think she was a monster.    tai tried to do the same for her,   but not when it really mattered,   so she's trying to make up for it now.   ❝  no,  ❞    she says,  quickly shaking her head.   ❝  you’re not a bad person for it.   you went through shit no one should have ever gone through—   and you dealt with it in your own way.   you’re not a fucking monster for that,  mikayla.  ❞    when she learned more about her,  her incessant fighting made sense.   she didn’t have support,  and tai was happy to be that for her when they had the chance—   and she should have been after,  too.  

she looks away as she talks about that day,   a look of disgust on her face again,   but not at what mikayla did.    she hesitates,   unsure if she should admit the memory it brings her to,   a part of her telling her she definitely shouldn’t,   but she doesn’t want to keep anything from her.   ❝  i—  ❞    she almost immediately regrets it,   but she forces herself to go on.   ❝  i was sick when i saw what he did to you,  ❞    she says quietly,  sparing most of the details.   ❝  so,  i do mean it.    he deserved worse.   he deserved worse for making you feel like this now,   too.   you weren’t wrong for what you did.   i never thought you were.   ❞

she scoffs,  because it’s not a satisfactory answer for her.   ❝  there has to be something we can do,  ❞    she claims,    ignoring the fact that she keeps throwing around the term ‘we’ —  because they aren’t a ‘we’ anymore,   but it’s so hard to think of it any other way.   she’s sitting next to her now,   so she’s thinking about it,   thinking about how to help her together,  with her.   ❝  you deserve some peace.   privacy.  travis—  ❞    she finally says his name,  shaking her head.   ❝  he doesn’t bring strangers here,  right?  ❞    there’s a part of her that already knows the answer to that,  but she’s just trying to figure it out,  trying to decide how it is she can help her.   ❝  or nat?  or—  ❞    she finally wonders how it is that these people seem to have a place like this,   but it doesn’t feel like the appropriate time.  ❝  you shouldn’t have to be used to it.  ❞

her jaw clenches,  cheeks warming with anger at the way she speaks.   ❝  no!    he was your fucking father,   he should’ve cared about you.   you weren’t wrong for going there.  it was your home,  ❞    she reminds with a scoff,   shaking her head.   maybe some part of taissa wanted to believe that he could change,  too—  or at least that he would have calmed down in her absence.   it was the only way she could keep going on every day without talking to mikayla.    ❝  no.  no,  mikayla,  i should’ve just—  made you come home with me.   i shouldn't have let you go back there at all.   ❞    it’s not an attempt to blame herself for it,  because she’s sure that mikayla would have been weary of the offer back then,   and none of them knew what to expect in the coming days after their rescue,   but she’s thought of it many times before.   if she would have insisted mikayla just come with her,  sure,  it could’ve been a little messy with her own family,  with mikayla’s father still in the picture too,   but at least mikayla would’ve been safe from the beginning.   and maybe,  they wouldn’t have fallen apart the way they did.   ❝  we can’t just do this.   we can’t think about all the ways it could’ve gone differently,  but—   what your dad did to you is not your fault,  mikayla,  ❞    she says with more certainty than ever,  hoping some part of her hears her. 

the look mikayla gives her is one tai knows she should’ve expected,  but it still stings,  her own eyes looking back at her and pleading her to just let her stay,  for them to try to figure something out.    ❝  i know,  ❞    she whines,  frowning back at her,   because it does sting even more to hear it outright like that.   she shifts uncomfortably,  because the past tense threatens to destroy her completely,  even more tears forming in her eyes.   in the wilderness,  she was constantly terrified of hurting mikayla—  physically,  mostly,  because she rarely felt like she had control over her own body,  but at least she could count on her heart.   she knew she couldn’t hurt her emotionally,   not when she was all in on her.   but then she did anyway,   and she can never forgive herself for that— why should she ever expect mikayla to?   ❝  i know,  ❞   she says,  her words shaky.   ❝  and i’m so fucking sorry for that.   you didn’t deserve that.  i only ever wanted to make your life better—   and i don’t know how i let it go so fucking wrong.  ❞    in some way,  she does—  because she was focused on making her own life better,   and not including mikayla in that is what broke them both.   she gulps, surprised that mikayla’s actually willing to believe her,  but it brings her some kind of hope,  at least.  she gives her one small nod of relief,  but she’s still holding her breath,  because she doesn’t have much faith in herself to actually make this any better for mikayla.   she’s not going to stop trying, though.

she doesn’t want to regret the question she asks her,   but when mikayla gives her that look,  she wonders if she crossed a line.   it doesn’t feel fair to ask her that,  not when tai was the one who walked away and left mikayla all alone,  just to wonder.   but she doesn’t know where to go with this until she knows where mikayla stands.   and even then,  she’s not sure she has a definite answer,  either.   she frowns,  shoulders slumped,  and she knows it’s ridiculous to put too much faith in the idea of them being together again.   but she isn’t fucking happy,  and for so long,  she told herself she doesn’t need happiness.  and yet,  now here she is,  sitting in front of mikayla for the first time in six years,  and despite the anxiety she feels,  despite how sad she is to know how hurt mikayla is,   she feels it again— that small piece of happiness that tells her that mikayla is here.   and that's at least something.  

❝  don’t let what i did six years ago answer for you now,  ❞    she says,  shaking her head quickly.   ❝  i was wrong.   you wouldn’t drag me down.   i can’t—  i don’t want ‘better,’  whatever the fuck that means.   you were the best thing that ever happened to me.  i never stopped loving you,  i just tried so hard not to think about it.   and i failed.  every single time.   you made me happy during the worst time of my life,  and i—   it fucking scared me when we got home.   i was so scared it couldn’t ever be like that again that i just didn’t even try. ❞    her words are coming out desperate,  anxious,  nearly slurring together.   fingers are clenched into fists because she can’t hold mikayla’s hands,   so she has to focus on something else.   ❝  i know that i don’t deserve another chance with you.  and i know—  we don’t know each other anymore.   but maybe we can start at the beginning.  ❞     her brows furrow,  because she’s not sure how to actually ask it,   not when she still doesn’t have an answer from mikayla.   ❝  i want to get to know you again.   i want you in my life.   i want to be in yours.  i want to stop pretending that i’m fine without you because—  fuck,   even natalie knows i’m not,  ❞    she says,  briefly glancing towards mikayla’s room,  then back to her.   ❝  please.  tell me.   have you closed the door on us?  ❞    she asks again.

[tangledbea]

Why don’t people like Cassandra’s redemption? There’s something off about her “redemption”, definitely.

I can tell you why I don't like it. And while a lot of people share my view, other people likely dislike it for other reasons.

Cassandra's redemption doesn't feel "earned". The plot spent all of S3 showing her waffling back and forth between whether she was all in with this betrayal or having second thoughts, and that, in and of itself, isn't the problem. Because someone who's having doubts will likely continuously waffle.

However, she never asked Zhan Tiri who she was, except for at their first encounter, when she got a non-answer: "A friend. Or, I'd like to be." Cassandra spent all of S1 and S2 suspicious of strangers, but she suddenly trusts this person, no questions asked? This person who only she can see? It was very out of character for her to ever trust Zhan Tiri at all.

And I didn't mind her going villain. I was actually pretty excited when she stole the Moonstone, and I couldn't wait to find out what her reasoning was, what she saw behind that door. (Note: I absolutely loathe her reasoning, and I personally feel it is one of the weakest and stupidest plot points in the entire show.)

So now she spends all of S3 listening to Zhan Tiri, never asking again who she is, or even what she's getting out of helping her (not that I think ZT would have been honest about that). But her motivations were never clear. She wanted to not have to take orders ever again. She wanted to fulfill her destiny. But what does that even mean? It is never explained to the audience what it is she thinks her destiny is. She's basically just doing this because a stranger told her to. She's convinced that Rapunzel "stole her destiny" in the same sense that she "stole her mother," but what made her think that the power of the Moonstone was hers to begin with?

This was bad enough, but her redemption? She knew who Zhan Tiri was. She walked away. But the moment people (rightfully!) didn't trust her (or seemed to, since Varian is not the one who fired the weapon at her), she decided to go ahead and be extra evil, and that Zhan Tiri was right. And the actual moment when she stopped being evil? Cassandra was ready to take the Sundrop for herself. She was ready to rip it out of Rapunzel's body and leave her defenseless and/or dead. She was ready to wield this newfound power to do... whatever she was planning to do with Corona. And then Zhan Tiri beat her to it. Zhan Tiri stole the Sundrop and the Moonstone for herself, and suddenly Cassandra is sorry. It looks to me (and many others) that the only reason she's sorry is because she lost, not because she didn't want any of this to happen. Her redemption is rushed, crammed into approximately three minutes, and everyone in the kingdom apparently just forgave her. Many viewers wanted some sort of legal recourse for her actions - after all, Varian was thrown in prison for doing the same thing on a smaller scale - or to at least see her apologizing to more people than just Rapunzel. While the kingdom was still in ruins, she left, off to find her own adventure and her own destiny, and with Rapunzel's blessing. She didn't have to help clean up the mess she made or anything.

Personally, I would have liked her redemption to have started a handful of episodes before the end. I would have liked to have seen people not trust her, and her have to earn their trust back. She literally attempted to kill or left Rapunzel for dead multiple times, not to mention actively tried to kill Eugene, drugged Varian and nearly killed him through negligence, attacked and damaged all of the capitol city of Corona. But if she spent a few episodes working with the people she wronged and gradually earning their trust through action, that would have been a much more satisfying redemption for me.

[thefourthvulpix]

Ok, so Damianya is cute and all, but you do have to remember... they're first graders. They've got their whole life ahead of them, and they haven't even reached puberty yet, let alone gotten to the point where they might start exploring their... preferences, so to say.

Not saying you can't ship them. Just coming up with different "what if" scenarios, involving their sexual or romantic orientations.

Scenario 1; Damian is interested, Anya is not.

Damian finally finds the courage to confess his crush to Anya. Except Anya doesn't feel the same way, either because she'sace or a lesbian or maybe he's just not her type, so Anya just stands there screaming internally because what if he gets mad at her for rejecting him and thus ruins the friendship scheme??? Damian sees Anya just standing there stunned, and he starts to get nervous and also starts screaming internally because oh god she hates me I knew I shouldn't have said anything which just makes things worse for Anya and now she's hyperventilating and Damian feels like such an ass for putting her on the spot and then Anya faints and Damian starts panicking and in the background Becky had been silently watching them the whole time and this is not what she expected but she immediately jumps into action when Anya faints so Becky and Damian are dragging an unconscious Anya to the Nurse's office. Half and hour later Loid and Yor show up and nearly tear down Eden Academy's front door after they hear about Anya fainting at school. They see Becky and Damian sitting in the waiting area outside the Nurse's office, with Becky managing to remain calm and Damian crying his eyes out. Henderson is also there, giving Damian a comforting shoulder squeeze before explaining everything he knows about the situation to the Forger parents. Damian sees how worried Anya's parents are and he immediately feels ten times worse so he gets on his knees in front of them and apologizes profusely, telling them about how he had confessed to Anya. Yor immediately slips into the nurse's office to check on Anya, while Loid very gingerly takes Damian's shaky, whimpering form into his arms and just lets him cry. Loid doesn't say anything, but he feels like such an idiot for not foreseeing something like this happening. Friendships can easily broken if they aren't healthy, and he had been so silently pressuring his daughter to stay in good terms with Donovan Desmond's youngest son for the sake of Operation Strix. He's had enough. He's not going to force Anya to play her part anymore. Loid gives Damian a comforting pat on the head, silently apologizing for setting him up for failure before stepping in to check on Anya. Henderson gives Damian some very good advice on how to handle heartbreak and rejection with elegance, and making sure he understands no one is obligated to return his feelings, and Damian takes it to heart. (I wonder if Henderson would consider giving Becky a Stella Star for how calmly she managed to handle the situation at hand?) Anya is crying in her mother's arms as her father drives the family home, and how do things go when they get home? I don't think it really changes all that much whether or not Loid already knows about his daughter's telepathy. What matters is that Loid and Yor are there for their daughter, and they assure her that no one is allowed to force her into a relationship she doesn't want, not even big shots like Damian Desmond. The following day, Anya is dreading having to face Damian again, and Becky is ready to be there for her emotionally. Damian and Anya spend weeks not feeling ready to even face each other, let alone talk. But one day Anya sees that Damian is sitting by himself while everyone is having lunch, and she cautiously approaches him. They say nothing for a while, it's simply too awkward. Then, Damian apologizes to Anya. Not just for putting her on the spot like that, but also for all the times he had acted like such a snobby jerk to her in their first year together. In turn, Anya apologizes for all the times that she had acted so clingy towards him. He doesn't know what she means by that, as she's always seened pretty independent to him. They make up and hug, and he wants to be friends with her forever.

Scenario 2: Damian isn't interested, but Anya is.

Damian didn't exactly grow up with a good understanding of what it means to like a girl romantically. When he saw Anya, he thought she was the cutest thing ever, but it wasn't a puppy-love kind of infatuation. It was more like, "Oh my god that girl is like a tiny little kitten and she is so precious and sweet and I want to protect her." But he knows he can't just ask his father if he can randomly adopt Anya into the family so that's why he's so angry and tsudere the first year they attend school together. Still, it takes a while for him to understand that he mistook this adoration for infatuation, so when Anya confesses that she likes him, he has no idea what to do and just kind of confusedly agrees to a date. But because this is Anya, she catches on to the fact that he's not actually in love with her way before he realizes it. And she's heartbroken, but she simply smiles and hides her pain, and apologizes to Damian for making him feel pressured to date her. (And she's annoyed over the fact that her dad had been following them the entire time she was holding his hand, but that conversation can wait until they get home) Anya doesn't cry until she gets home, and when she does cry she ends up hyperventilating because what if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore??? And I feel like if Anya didn't tell Loid about her telepathy before, she certainly may bave to now for him to understand just exactly why she's so upset right now. Heck, maybe it slips out when Loid realizes Anya was about to attempt running away and she's forced to explain herself to him because she's so worried she's done more harm than good for Operation Strix. And Loid has to calm down his daughter as she starts having a panic attack from all the stress she's been under for all these years. And Loid is suddenly feeling all the emotions at this revelation. He's happy to finally have some clarity over certain things that he jyst couldn't explain until now. He's sad to learn of all the things she had to learn to suffer through alone because it was just too risky to consider reaching out. He's horrified to know all the things his daughter hears every day, the things that no child should ever be subjected to. And most of all he's angry. Not at his daughter but at the circumstances she was in. Angry at himself for setting her up for failure. He promises her that she doesn't need to play her part anymore, before making a plan that will reach Operation Strix's final stage. And he also promises that this will be his last mission, not because he'll die but because he wants to be a more involved dad in her life.

And finally, Scenario 3: Neither are interested.

It sucks when you are born into a very prestigious family that have way too many expectations for all the children to live up to, and the way you are born makes it hard for you to fit those expectations. That's part of the reason why Damian is so bratty in the first year he spends at Eden Academy. He starts to feel a strange sense of comfort when he's around Anya. It's like she's the only person in the world he feels like he can be himself, and once he realizes this, he starts telling her things that no one else knows. And she tells him some of her own secrets. With how close knit they are, it doesn't surprise them that everyone just assumes they are dating. Damian is intially angry at these assumptions, but Anya puts a stop to his anger by quietly asking him, "Would you rather they know the truth?" Obviously the answer is no. So he'll play along... for now. He invites Anya and her family to his house for birthday parties and other very special occasions he might be expected to bring a partner over. And he starts paying closer attention to his father's line of work. He starts spending a lot of time with Anya's family, that he accidentally gets caught up in their craziness and becomes privy to ALL the secrets. He's so terrified of this family for a second, and they're terrified that he might snitch them all out. Eventually, Anya approaches Damian and shows him what kind of world Loid Forger is fighting to make. A world where children don't have to cry anymore... honestly Damian wishes that was possible, but so long as people like his family exist, it's not. He confides in the Forgers, and they unofficially make him one of them. He starts paying much closer attention to his father's line of work, and his political agenda. He wants to make the world a better place for people like him, and now it might be possible with all of these insanely valuable allies he's gained through Anya's trust. Damian starts planning to come out to the rest of the world once he's certain that Operation Strix has reached it's final conclusion.

[cocosstories]

Chris Evans One Shot

A Chris Evans request- You and Chris were together for a long time and have a daughter (maybe 3ish), but split up like a year ago. You’re still really close with his family so you are invited to a get together along with your daughter and he arrives after you (with a date???) and upset you were invited, but when he watches you with his family and his daughter he realizes the break up/moving on was a mistake..... this felt very long and specific so I apologize in advance 😂

"Mama, where are we going?"

It was just after 5pm and you and your three year old daughter, Y/D/N, were getting into the car.

"We are going to grandma's for an Easter party."

You tell her as you buckle her into her carseat.

"Will Daddy be there?"

She asks and you sigh.

It had been a year since you and Chris had broken up and while he was a great father to your daughter, the two of you couldn't seem to be in the same room together for any extended amount of time.

"I don't know baby. Probably so."

You answer, trying your best to smile.

When Chris' mom, Lisa had called last week to invite you and Y/D/N to the party, you had hesitated, not wanting to cause issues during a family event.

"I don't know. Maybe I can just drop Y/D/N off and she can spend the night or something."

You offered, thinking it would make it easier on everyone involved.

"Nonsense! You are family too. Just because you and Chris broke up, doesn't mean we don't still love and miss you."

Lisa had loved you since the moment she had met you and over the years that you and Chris had been together had even begun referring to you as her daughter.

"Alright. We will be there."

You couldn't help but give in. The truth was, no matter what happened between you and Chris, your lives were connected forever because of your daughter and you had to do what was best for her, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you.

"Grandma!"

Your daughter screams out and runs to Lisa as soon as you walk in the door, giving her a big hug.

"My little princess. You look so beautiful!"

Lisa says looking over the pastel colored dress and white shoes you had put her in.

"Thank you. Mommy picked it out."

She says, twirling around like she always did when she wore dresses.

"She did a great job."

Lisa replies, looking over to you with a sweet smile.

"How are you, Mama Evans?"

You ask as you hug her.

"Overwhelming happy to have my family here."

She replies just as Chris walks in, not alone.

"Daddy!"

Y/D/N spots Chris almost immediately and runs to him as he looks to you and then his mother, obviously not happy that you were invited in the first place.

"Hey, munchkin. How are you?"

He asks your daughter, picking her up.

"Daddy, who is that lady?"

Y/D/N asks pointing to the woman who had walked in with him.

"This is daddy's um friend."

Chris says, not really sure what to say to the three year old.

"Hey, princess, why don't you come with grandma and we will color some eggs with your cousins."

Lisa says, taking the little girl from Chris and carrying her to the kitchen where the other kids were.

Before Chris can say anything to you, you hold your hand up.

"I came because your mom asked me to. She said she wanted the whole family and that includes me and your daughter. So before you start in on the whole 'I shouldn't be here' thing, why don't you just not. I have just as much of a right to be here as anyone. Unlike, some."

You say, bitterness filling your voice as you eye Chris' date.

Once you say your peace, you follow Lisa and your daughter to the kitchen, leaving Chris still standing in the entryway.

As the night went on, you did your best to interact with Chris as little as possible, focusing on your daughter and the rest of the family rather than worry about what he was doing.

It was nearly 10pm and your daughter was passed out on the couch while you helped Lisa clean up, the two of you reminiscing about past holiday's over the years.

"Y/N, can I talk to you for a minute?"

You are startled at the sound of Chris' voice coming from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Sure. What's up?"

Chris motions towards the porch and you follow him with a sigh.

"Chris, if this is about your weekend with Y/D/N, I already to-"

You begin only to be cut off by Chris' lips on yours.

"What the hell was that?"

It takes you a second to react to what was happening but as soon as you do, you push him away.

"I made a huge mistake, Y/N. Seeing you and Y/D/N tonight, doing all of this family stuff, all I could do was stand there and watch because I broke our family up. I gave up on us and I ruined everything. I know that now and I am so sorry. Please tell me there is something I can do to fix it. I want to try again. I want you. I want my family back."

He had tears in his eyes as he spoke and if it hadn't been for the last year, the sincerity in his voice would have been enough for you to give in and give the two of you another chance but you couldn't.

"Chris, you made a choice and just because you have one night of clarity doesn't mean anything. You literally brought a date tonight. A few hours ago, you were pissed because I was here."

As much as you hated it, you had to be the voice of reason so you took a step back and began to lay out the harsh truth even if all you wanted to do was give into him.

"You don't want to be with me? You don't want Y/D/N to have her mommy and daddy back together?"

You looked in through the livingroom window to the couch where your daughter was sleeping, knowing how happy she would be if you and Chris got back together.

"No. Not like this. Not when you change your mind when things get hard. She is three years old Chris. She wouldn't understand us breaking up, getting back together and then if it happens again? It's not fair to her."

You shake the happy visions out of your head, choosing to do what was right for your little girl.

"But we wouldn't break up again."

He takes a step towards you, reaching for you.

"You can't promise that and I wouldn't want you to. It would hurt too much when you broke it."

You step back towards the door, reaching for the handle.

"Pick Y/D/N up Friday afternoon like you planned. You want to fix something? Keep your promises to your daughter. Be the amazing father I know you are and she deserves."

With that, you go back inside, grabbing all of your stuff and your daughter and say goodbye to the remaining members of the family before Scott helps you out to your car and you head home, still somewhat reeling over what Chris had said.

[a-mended-pact]

Period Pains & Cuddles

Hey! So this is a one shot for @fortheloveofcriminalminds and I 's series Sticks and Stones! That being said this is one that can stand alone if you chose to read it. I for some reason keep dreaming of more things for our story that just aren't needed for the main story line. Enjoy!

⚠️ warning: mentions of Menstruation, Past abuse and malnutrition. ⚠️ (if there are more inform me please)

✒Word Count: 2,398

🛑 If you do not want any spoilers at all for Sticks & Stones do not read.

I Have been living next door to Spencer for a little over a month now. My apartment had slowly become more and more homey as the days went on. He was constantly dropping things off at my door or I'd buy little things from the shop I'm working at and bring them home.  

My apartment finally looked like I had a personality and I wasn't this bland shell of a marionette doll being pushed and pulled the way someone wanted me to be. It was refreshing but more nerve-wracking than a breath of fresh air for me.

It was nearing day break  and I knew I needed to get up and start cleaning my place. I had a routine that I did everyday. I'd wake up early and clean the whole place. Spotless to the point you could eat off the floor if you wanted to. I'd even scrub all the nooks and crannies with a toothbrush.  This was an everyday thing. Changing my schedule wasn't an option. Once the apartment was clean I had to get ready myself and by the time 9 came around I was ready to start my day fully. 

Having been given the time to adjust to eating again whenever I wanted was interesting.  I had no idea what I liked anymore but because of the month of freedom I had started to gain a little weight. God I hoped Spencer didn't notice. I hope he didn't get upset with me the way I knew Brett would. 

Spencer had told me once that I was looking healthier and that he was happy for me. He also spewed facts about how now because I am getting the nutrients that my body needs I could start experiencing things my body wasn't used to anymore. 

I didn't really understand what he meant then but I think I'm starting to.

I forced myself to get up only to notice a stain on my sheets caused by me. Seriously? I forgot that periods were a thing. I pulled my hand up counting on my fingers. Each year is remembered by an unpleasant memory. I stopped having it right after a very brutal night with Brett. I bled for nearly a month after that night. Glancing at my hands I only held up 6 fingers.  

I hadn't had my period in 6 years. If anything joyous came from being with Brett it was the fact I didn't have to deal with this. 

I groaned in annoyance and in panic. I needed to clean this up. I had to because this couldn't be left on my sheets for too long or else it would stain permanently.  Even when I had my periods with Brett he was never supposed to see any signs of a period, none.  I used to use pads and tampons but I quickly had to learn how to use a cup. 

It caused less mess. No waste to be seen in the bin and nothing put under the cabinets that Brett could see. 

I quickly threw my sheets and comforter into the hamper while I rushed to throw away my now wasted pajama bottoms, sealing off the bag I put them in and putting it next to the door. Yes I was in fact running around my home in the nude. Just for a couple of moments though. 

I stumbled into the shower knocking over my body wash and shampoo. The moment the warm water hit my face I felt my body relax. I was in a lot of pain. When I did have my periods regularly they were always heavy and painful. My muscles in my back would always be incredibly tight to the point I couldn't even bend over. 

Now that the adrenaline is gone from the sheer shock of the situation. I'm sure this one would be exactly the same. All I wanted to do is curl up and cry. I couldn't though it was embedded in me that I had to clean the house. 

When I got out of the shower and went to get dressed, that's when I realized the biggest problem I was going to have today. With a loud scream of frustration I slammed my sink cabinet.  I didn't have any female hygiene products for this. I mean it had been 6 years. 

I wracked my brain about what I could possibly do. The thought of ordering things to my door sounded lovely. However, anyone knowing that I am going through this is just embarrassing to me. I made a very quick and brash decision of crumbling up toilet paper to make a temporary pad until I got to the store. 

I dressed in black. I didn't want to risk another disaster.  

---------------------

By the time I made it home all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I got myself and my new things situated and stored away. I immediately started to clean afterwards doing everything the way I always did.  Like I was supposed to do. I glanced at the clock on the stove only to realize it was noon now. 

A huff escaped me. I was finally done. Now I could start winding down and relaxing. I was getting extremely dizzy while cleaning anyway. I made my way to the couch to curl up.  I never wanted to leave this spot.

It was just curved enough to relax my lower back and to cradle me in all the right places.  I started to drift off, giving myself some time to recuperate from my chaotic morning.

------------

I awoke to a gentle hand on my face caressing me. I flinched at their close proximity which caused me to tense up a small groan left my lips as I curled up more and rolled away from them.

'Dahlia, sweetheart, you didn't hear me banging on your door or calling you? It's 7pm. We had a date. Did you forget?' His voice was laced with concern and I couldn't help but feel awful because I did forget. 

'I hope you don't mind. I let myself in. You know you shouldn't leave your door unlocked,Statistically in the United States alone 22,796 women are likely to be burglarized when they live alone.' 

Spencer helped me roll over when he saw me struggling to do so.  ‘I’m, I’m sorry I’ll go get dressed for our date now.’ I rushed to go get up when a dizzy spell hit me. He stood up quickly and caught me by my waist. ‘Hey, what’s wrong, you seem disoriented?’ I tried to tell him that I was fine but I didn’t feel fine. Perhaps I was just being over dramatic. I logically knew women go through this sort of thing all the time but all I wanted to do was cry.

 I was overflowing with so much emotion. I was aggravated with the fact that this was happening to me again to start with. I was upset with myself for being like this. I was even more distraught by the fact I had forgotten my date with Spencer. How could I just forget? I was looking forward to it since last week when he got called away for work while we were planning the whole thing. 

We had agreed to go out to see one of his forgein movies. He was gonna translate it the whole way through whispering it in my ear. At first I had declined saying it was going to ruin the movie for him. He assured me that it was fine he had already seen it once with his mother when he was younger. He just believed it was a movie I was going to enjoy. 

We had also discussed having dinner after. We never ended up picking a restaurant before he got called away. ‘It’s nothing Spencer, I'm fine, really. I just forgot our date is all. I’m really sorry’ I moved myself out of his hold and made my way to my bedroom to get dressed. 

‘You know we don’t have to even go out tonight. I am more than happy to just stay in and spend time with you!’  I could hear him shout from my living room. I was getting frustrated because all my clothes seemed unbelievably tight on me right now. I could feel the tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. This was ridiculous. Why was I being so emotional? How do I tell Spencer that I didn’t want to do anything at all? I didn’t even want to be out of bed or better yet off the couch. As long as I was laying down and I wasn’t moving it didn’t feel like my hips were being compressed and my back finally wasn’t in pain. 

I barely even wanted to be pleasant towards him and all he has ever been to me was a gentleman. I walked out in the same clothes I went in with this time wrapped in a throw blanket I bought from the shops. He looked at me with concern and smiled softly as he pulled me with him to the couch. He pulled me close and held me, playing with my hair and moving it off my face. I laughed slightly at how gentle he was being with me. 

‘Do you remember when you told me now that I was getting healthier that my body would start doing things it’s supposed to.’ I whispered and leaned my head against the back of the couch. His warmth on my back felt magical. His chest vibrated as he chuckled. ‘Yes, I remember. Pretty girl, is that what's wrong.’ He pulled me closer to him, his hand lightly touching my stomach. I never noticed how tight my tummy muscles were until the natural warmth he carried slipped to me through the palm of his hand. 

I looked down embarrassed. This was always such a sensitive topic when Brett was around. He didn’t want to hear about it nor did he care to. ‘For the first time in 6 years. I - um started my period.’ I said it as quietly as I could in hopes he wouldn’t be put off by this new information. I went to pull away only for him to pull me closer to him. Him basically wrapping himself around me and holding me close as he kissed my temple. 

‘That’s really good news sweetheart. I know it may not seem like a good thing right now but it is. It means that your hormones and everything are finally going back to normal after years of being not right.’ He grabbed both of my hands in his when I tried to curl in on myself again. I could feel his breath on my neck every time he exhaled. It made me want to slip deeper into him. 

‘I think we should order in and watch one of your favorite movies. How's that for tonight?’ I bit my lip still questioning whether or not I wanted him to go home or not. Him seeing me like this was already upsetting enough. It wasn’t like I wasn’t dressed and didn’t have makeup on. Maybe it was just the fact that I didn't feel great that made me think I also didn’t look it. 

I nodded but otherwise didn’t speak. Spencer has known me long enough to know that I'm a little in my head at times like these. So he knows that as long as I agree he can do whatever he likes unless I say otherwise. 

He ordered food and began looking around on my shelves lining the wall to realize I didn’t own any movies.  I watched him and couldn’t help but smile. It was hard to believe he could be a dominant when he was struggling so hard to take charge of the situation right now. He held up his finger and made an ah ha noise when he ran out of my apartment to what i assume was into his. He came back clutching a bundle of movies in his large hands along with some junk food from his place. 

‘I know enough from Stell that you can’t go wrong with junk food when a lady is on her period.’ His voice was laced with confidence yet somehow his stance said shy as if he were overstepping. I couldn’t help but smile at him. He was so sweet I managed to move myself into a more proper position when there was a knock at my door. ‘Ah that must be the food.’ He placed all the things he brought onto the table and quickly grabbed the take out.

At this point my mouth was watering. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I smelled the food. 

‘Thank you. For just being you Spencer. I didn’t realize I could be cared for the way you’ve cared for me since I’ve gotten the pleasure of knowing you.’ I smiled widely as he sat down beside me. The movie started and the food was passed out between us both. He smiled a smile that stole my heart out of my chest and yet made it beat so rapidly I thought for certain he could hear it. ‘There’s no need to thank me Dahlia. I don’t mind taking care of you. You aren’t a hard person to take care of. I just enjoy spending time with you. Regardless of what we are doing.’ A blush formed on his features. If it wasn’t for the glow of the projector I would have missed it. ‘Thank you, I’m not sure I could be anyone else even if I tried.’ his voice was small and filled with adoration at what I had said.

Some time after we were done eating I gravitated towards him seeking his warmth. He had moved himself, his leg now resting on my couch as he leaned against the arm rest. I was between his legs, my body tangled in his as my head rested on his chest. If every time I got my period meant that I had the pleasure of getting to use Doctor Spencer Reid as a giant teddy bear. I’d be more than happy to have them 

His hand cradled my face as the tips of his fingers played in my hair. His other arm draped over me holding me protectively as I drifted off into my sea of unconsciousness.

‘My precious Dahlia what have you done to me?’ 

[arsnovacadenza]

[KazuSou] o, son in the sky (part 1)

Ao3 link: here

Prompt: My son, I have nothing I can give/But this chance that you may live/I pray we'll meet again

Characters: Kosoushi, Female Kazuki with background SouKazu and others

Ancient Egyptian AU with elements borrowed from the Osiris Myth.

Soushi's long hair whips around his face as his talons slowly turn to human flesh before landing. His mighty pair of wings flap, once, twice, before folding in and dissolving into his back. No mortal man could stay under the punishing heat of the sun for too long and the sunburnt smell of his locks attested to that. Some of them fell loose from their knot and stuck to his nape like dead mosquitos

What nuisance,  he scoffed inwardly, not for the first time.  If it's out here then I should be fine. 

"It's grown long. Why don't you cut it?" A man said. Amused. His female companion's deep, chestnut eyes twinkled with mirth.

"When I think that it's alive, I can't cut it."

Soushi winced. Even away from his mo -that woman's influence,  distant memories that-were-not-quite-his continued to play in his head. Her magic must still be coiling around his head as tightly as they did around the base of her fingers like tattooed rings.

"That's a little irritating." Answered the male.

Damn right it is. Soushi released his hair from the confines of his ponytail and pulled them before drawing his ornate dagger. That too will have to be discarded sooner or later. He didn't need another constant reminder of a father who'd already been long cold in the ground when his mother birthed him into the world.

Without a second thought, he ran the blade through thick strands.

.

By nightfall, the heat had long abated and Soushi was alone with his thoughts as he trudged through the sand. Cold wind swept against his neck as he fought every urge to shiver. Gods don't get cold, he reminded himself.

He regretted not stopping at a village and packing a shawl or cape before deciding to walk through the desert. This part of the Lands wasn't yet corrupted, but still. One or two well-intentioned shopkeepers would offer him her charms before sending him on his way.

It brought a rather ironic memory from back when they were disguised as humans and staying in a random healer's hut after another. Soushi recalled a vivid memory from when they were in a bustling market that had imported produce and expensive silks from overseas. His guardian talked to a shopkeeper while he played with shiny rows of charms until a shop assistant scolded him for touching such a precious artifact. Kazuki promptly smiled, apologized, and left with a dumbfounded Soushi in tow.

"But Mother," he tugged at the woman's arm when they finally found a tree to sit under. "Wasn't that charm supposed to be yours anyway? You created that shape and gave it magic, right?"

His mother's smile was warm and reassuring, if not a little tired.

"It was. When I was a goddess," she patted his head. "But we're not gods now, are we?"

It was always confusing; his upbringing and her refusal to talk about godhood.

Soushi angrily hissed when a rather powerful gust of wind nearly knocked him forward. "You old cow," he cursed. "What? You think I wouldn't survive this long without flying back to your damned skirts?"

He unfurled the wings that he'd inherited from her and took off in search of a deserted temple to spend the night.

Just my rotten luck, Soushi huffed when he was close enough to make out the shape of a beak on one of the temple's desecrated statues. His progenitor, it seems, was once a widely revered god in the area.

His eye scanned for signs of those gnarled desert beats between the ruins and then sighed in relief when he couldn't find any. He slumped against a mural depicting his sire, his devoted wife, and then himself, bright and cheerful.

Lies, he grinned mockingly. He was never there. I was never there when he was alive. I only came into existence because my mother wanted to and I had no choice.

Then again, he supposed, all babes were brought into the world without having a say in the matter. It wasn't necessarily the love of their parents that resulted in their birth, either. He'd seen and grown enough that the world universe was a cruel, complicated place that even the most powerful of gods couldn't conquer.

He wasn't born into this world out of love. 

A vicious grin spread across his face as he imagined her mother slumped on a chair, sleepless and devastated over losing her primary tool for revenge. Possibly forever, if he decided to look for Maris and join his side.

"How does it feel, Mother? To have all those years you meticulously planned for my debut as your Soushi's successor gone to waste?" He spat, every word more venomous than that of the snake that lurked between the crevices of people's minds. "He is dead, Kazuki. If only you thought of that a little before shoving his seed into yourself and popping me out so I could fight Maris." 

Before she took Soushi's tiny hand in hers and took off in the night. Before she dragged him across crocodile-infested rivers and rundown temples with scorpions waiting to sink their stingers into his skin. Before they spent nights clutching onto each other as they hid from soldiers running amok with their khopesh and arrows at the ready.

As demihumans, they were frail. Stripped of her powers, Kazuki crawled from temple to temple, silently begging for the other gods to aid their cause.  A war to restore their glory was coming, and she promised that Soushi's son would be its harbinger.

Our Lands have no need for another weak falcon god; given more responsibility than he could ever handle, a ram-headed god sneered down at her. Kazuki was submerged waist down, where the water didn't even reach the kneeling god's ankle. And yet she gazed up with such undefeated eyes Soushi swore he could see golden wings unfurling before his eyes for a brief second.

"It was fear and jealousy that killed your father that day,"  she whispered to him once before as they huddled in front of an abandoned storefront.  "You will understand when you grow up."

To be exactly like him, he mused. It's such a shame they both would never know because he intended to cross the border and leave this life, this destiny behind. That is, assuming she didn't find him first. How will I face her then? Will she just do away with me and create another Soushi?  He shuddered violently when his brain caught on to what the process would entail.

And yet he had never slept more peacefully that night.

.

In the morning, Soushi encountered just another problem: the striking color of his hair. He rummaged around the empty halls of the sanctuary until he found a cloth large enough to fashion a makeshift cape. He threw one last glare at the (decapitated) statue of the falcon god at the far end of the room before leaving. 

"You know, if she wants to see you again so badly, I can't see why she doesn't just go,"  he yelled at the stone. "Would've saved me a lot of pain, really." 

Soushi knew he'd regret saying those words he wouldn't even spit out during his worst moments. But his head felt like it would boil over from anger and the heat did nothing to abate.

"The Nile be damned," Soushi spoke into the cape, now covering his mouth and hair. "If Maris knows how to rule, let him do it. The last thing these Lands need is a civil war." 

"A Nile that will know of nothing but loss and anguish for the years to come,"  came a female voice. 

"Who's there?!" Soushi whirled around, hand ready around a smaller, plainer dagger. 

But there was nobody, nothing as far as the mortal eye could see. But Soushi was the son of a god, and his eyesight was far sharper than that of any god that is not the Sun itself. Sure enough, not far from he was standing was a young girl not much older than himself. Her intelligent eyes exuded wisdom well beyond her years. Still, there was that trace of innocence that she expected from someone her age. Also, she was partially see-through. Soushi would've sworn it's just a desert mirage and that she would disappear if he blinked. But she didn't. Her stillness and godawful smile seemed to be mocking him. 

"You," he whispered. "What are you? What do you want?"

Nothing. The girl's eyes, darker than the waters at Ombos, seemed to say as Soushi warily inched closer. Her long, black hair hung still even as the wind picked up and sent flurries of sand their way. Soushi used what little power he could reveal to ward them off, never taking his eyes off the stranger.

"Soushi-the-Younger," she spoke softly, relishing the flow of every syllable from her lips. "So this is the path you've chosen —straying away from the path for Soushi, Child of Kazuki." Soushi grimaced, pointing the tip of his blade at the petulant child. "Neither," he snapped. "Once I'm far enough from the border, I'll just be a nameless demigod every one of you can forget."

Her eyes were trained on him, not unlike Kazuki's gaze when he sparred with some insufferable devotee trying to win her favor. Of course, they all lost.

"Better suffer and die a human than live as another god under her thumb," Soushi continued. Even if this was his mother's spy, he couldn't care less. "Like the Sun God.

The child wasn't smiling anymore. It made Soushi's confidence (and his anger) swell.

"Haha! Imagine that!" The young demigod barked. "All the power and magic to blackmail a chief god and she doesn't even lift her finger to seek vengeance on her husband's murderer!"

Their surroundings were stiller than the waters of Nun before Soushi's ancestors came to be. He really had no business launching a tirade on some random waif when he had no idea whose side she was on. Kazuki? The Sands? The Serpent? But he was too far gone at this point to even stop.

"What? She thinks I can do  better? " He wheezed. Now his throat was starting to feel dry. "She wants me to get stronger? Fine. I'll let her have her way. And when I'm powerful enough, let's see how she'll react when I use that very same power to send her entire kingdom back to nothingness!"

Soushi was very well aware Justice herself could be listening. And the Serpent too. Maris could come out at any moment and applaud him for helping him move his plans quicker.

"If that's what you think," was the girl's answer. "If it's Soushi, I'd believe everything."

If it's Soushi , the fondness with which she mentioned his name made Soushi suspect she was referring to Soushi-the-Elder. He never knew she existed before and the way she smiled just screamed nostalgia. 

He resented it all. He resented the feeling as much as he did his hair and the wings that the temple's missing followers recreated in molten gold. And the fate in which he had no input and heading toward a lifetime of war.

Against a war god. 

"You know nothing about  this  Soushi. Hell, if it were up to me, I'd pick some name that didn't belong to some dead guy."  Like his existence had no real meaning.  "All of you can just shove your expectations elsewhere and  fuck off ."

Maya would have released her celestial arrow at him for the blatant disrespect if she'd heard. This was a god's offspring denouncing his allegiance to the pantheon and his own people. But he was away from Maya and her stupid, loud brat of a niece who does nothing but sits all day playing music and preaching about love. As if love was the first thing the blasted kingdom needed.

"So you know," she spoke suddenly. Was she reading Soushi's mind? "You, who choose to run from which that has been written."

"Tell me," her voice was quiet but firm in a way that his mother would never use with him. "How will you bless this world? Now that you've chosen to rewrite your path?"

How... Soushi pursed his lips. As if he'd do any blessing after all of this. "This godhood thing doesn't suit me," he replied coolly. "Maybe if they pick someone else to do the job?"

"That child alone can't bring us deliverance," she warned. "Just as your mother and father aren't made to preside over separate realms."

"Not my problem then!" Soushi glowered, his cape swishing as he turned away. "That ram god was right, they were useless." 

The girl-shaped-mirage disappeared the moment he took another step.

.

In hindsight, waiting for nightfall and flying as far as the dawn would allow made for a much better idea. But Soushi needed provisions, and the heat had mercifully subsided to a more comfortable level when Soushi reached the town's periphery. 

All things considered, the city showed no signs of having been affected by the war at large. Soushi spotted soldiers in red armor, but they only stood watching as denizens went about their business. There’s a lot of foreigners here, he observed. Burly, thick-bearded men with curly hair bumped shoulders with Soushi as he waded through the crowd. Towering women with swarthy skin waved to him as he walked past their impressive pottery collection. If only Maya’s mother were here, Soushi wrily thought. She could use some replacement for the garish creations lined up along her walls.

Soushi held onto his shoulder bag's comfortable weight and reined his thoughts in. The security might not be drawn to him now, but one wrong move and they'd drag him to Ombos by the neck. Thankfully, the bustling market made it easy for him to hide among the crows and stalls. Even better, these people loved to gossip. He could fish out adequate information just by standing around and pretending to look for charms.

People are afraid that Kazuki's guerillas will somehow gain control of their villages, he pondered, munching on a fresh apple. Could it be the priests? I've heard that the guys at Abydos are pretty militant, but I can't imagine smaller towns and remote villages taking arms and risking losing favor with the army.

But then, what did he actually know about the overall might of his own mother's forces? Kazuki barely told him anything and still, she expected him to spearhead their revolution. She should count herself lucky Soushi didn't plan to dispose of her outright, with or without the Sands' influence.

And speaking of the devil, a group of guards in red had just barged into a store nearby, dragging a man out. 

"Someone reported that you were housing conspirators in this establishment!" One of the soldiers barked. "They even said you're still keeping effigies of that dead god, Soushi!"

The other, very present, very much alive , Soushi blinked. Maybe he read wrong and the guards here were just as competent as those in the new capital. The danger was real and it was just several steps away from where he stood. 

He gripped the crocodile army like a vice. What if he's just a petty thief, smuggling precious trinkets out of an abandoned temple and putting them on the black market? He rationalized. The dissidents are just traders. Nobody should be dumb enough to stir up a storm where they knew the Sands would be watching. That forsaken temple is just next door, so.....

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't linger there too long. 

They were starting to beat the man, ransacking his abode for evidence of treason and loyalty to the dead god. Soushi could smell blood mixed in with dust in the air and it was...

Hauntingly familiar.

He and Kazuki were prone to witnessing scenes like these while on the run. Kazuki would be posing as a beggar with Soushi curled against her chest, and their breaths would go still as men clad in red armor threw a man on the streets and battered him while he cried for Lord Soushi to magically appear and save him—

And like those times, Soushi looked away. He had no power (or lack of common sense) to swoop in and save the day. With regret brewing in the pit of his stomach, he turned away.

Only to catch the attention of two pairs of eyes from the shadows.

.

It was probably the guilt gnawing at him or just plain, dumb fate that led Soushi to stumble back to the temple complex and its run down-walls. Or maybe it was the god inside that called out to him as if the young demigod could save the beheaded statue from its lonesome misery. 

He was lucky he didn't also run into the Sands' hounds or the same bastards that nearly beat that other man to death.

"Fuck," he breathed. "Are you asking me to repent in some way?"

In his exasperation, Soushi went to find another, more secluded spot where he could build his bonfire or unpack some of his rations. He even contemplated shaving his head entirely out of legitimate fear of discovery and spite. Doing it on the temple grounds was undoubtedly a charming idea.

But first, he'd have to shoo his unwanted audience. "I know you're watching. Come out here before I drag you in front of the fire."

He immediately wanted to slap himself once he managed to get a good, long look at the intruders.

They were two girls, one around eight or nine, while the other was around....four? Soushi wasn't sure. One thing he did notice was how nearly identical they were with their choppy, long hair with the color of dry seaweed and round eyes of bright olive. Sisters? He guessed. The younger girl was plump and swathed in linen robes of faded red and white, while the elder one was mercifully skinny with a dark green cloak about her shoulders. 

It didn't nearly shock him enough to forget about his dagger. His mind reeled back to his encounter with the other mysterious waif, and he readied himself for an ambush. He wasn't one to harm little girls even with no witnesses around, but the Sands —and the Snake himself —were no stranger to luring men to their deaths with visions of their own wives and daughters.

"Give me a reason not to chop you here and feed you to the jackals," he warned. "Are you with the Sands? Or the rebels?" Them being present at the market when they got that man couldn't have been a coincidence.

The seconds dragged on like forever, and Soushi held his gaze (and his blade) at the siblings before the elder raised her empty hands and spoke.

"Our father told us not to come into the city until he's done making deals with the men inside the store," she explained carefully, her voice unwavering. "But a day passed and we were worried, so we looked for the store near the line of charm shops in town. We waited and waited. But even after they turned the store inside out, there was still no sign of Father." 

This is where he could hear her sniffle. "Do you think they captured him somewhere along the way?"

This is trouble , Soushi thought. What am I supposed to do with runaway kids clinging to me this close to the border? I shouldn't nose get up in their business, or that'll mean putting a huge target on myself and I don't need that.

We never had to deal with any of this when it was just Kazuki and me. We only had each other and that made everything easier . He realized.

Wait, Soushi frowned. But we had each other.

Twin pairs of eyes looked at him expectantly, never mind the weapon he was still waving in the air. It was the younger sister's words that broke the standoff. "We are grateful to have run into you, Your Highness Soushi."

Soushi watched the two sisters as they downed nearly half of his rations, occasionally taking a gulp out of his waterskin (which he had no reason to lug everywhere) and slowing down when Soushi told them to. He was a glutton himself when the opportunity to indulge in human food presented itself, but these girls must have been starving for quite a while for them to be able to stuff so much into their tiny bodies. And when they were finished, they only burped quietly before thanking the demigod.

"So," Soushi crossed his arms. "From the top. Tell me what you were doing in town and where you're going next. Better tell me the truth or I'm floating you down the Nile in pieces straight to Kazuki." 

A terrible way to end dinner, but he'd lost his appetite for niceties since he saw that man getting bludgeoned to death. And these girls would be in a similar spot, too, if they didn't tell him their whole story now.

Emery, the younger sister, was the first to speak. "We came from Peguat, Your Majesty. Ruby and I used to live with our parents and my younger brother. My father was a merchant, and he was a friend of the head priest who led the town's Temple of the Falcon God-King. His name was Narain," she explained. "In fact, the temple was where my parents met."

"You couldn't have known all of this," Soushi narrowed his eyes. "The cult fell nearly two decades ago. I'm not even that old."

"Right. The Sands had removed Your Highness' Father —bless him —by the time I was born. But the people of Peguat didn't lose hope. They, including my parents, followed Narain past the outskirts so they could establish another temple in secret." 

"And armies too?"

Emery shook her head. "We were a peaceful tribe —if we could be called that. We occasionally had visitors from Abydos asking our men to join them, but Narain wanted our people to stay out of trouble."

So I was right about Abydos. "And then?"

Ruby was visibly distressed despite her deadpan expression. Instinctively, Emery's hand moved to cover hers. "They found us," she recalled, the bonfire reflected in her eyes. "They caught our mother and our younger brother too. Only Ruby, father, and I escaped. Narain was there too. He said someone we did trade with from town told the guards on us."

"I'm frankly amazed that you all survived that long with the town just a stone's throw away."

"It was a miracle to us too! My parents said that's proof that The Falcon God-King hasn't abandoned us," she beamed. "But back to the story. Narain instructed us to escape the black soils and onto the red sands in smaller groups. It’s riskier, but the army had been doubling down on the delta years since your father's death."

"What's more," she paused for a breather. "The former queen and her son were still missing, and the massive manhunt for her whereabouts meant that we had the perfect cover. And it wasn't just us —other communities were on the move too. We all wore different clothes and accessories to confuse the Sands."

Soushi sucked in a deep breath. All this happened during what? When Kazuki finally rallied enough gods to build a stronghold? Soushi remembered starting his training when he was about half of Emery's age. "Alright. Fast forward. What happened to your group? And your father?"

"We were separated when we got too close to Ombos and our group leader ran into elite soldiers. Most of the adults were killed except for my father and a few others. Before leaving our last meeting point, we agreed to regroup in the next town after this one." Emery hugged her knees while Ruby fiddled with the frayed ends of her sister's belt. "My father told us he was meeting with refugees from Nekhen that night. We were planning to cross the borders together."

So they had the same plans as I do, Soushi sighed. "Since that plan's out of the question now, what are you going to do? Any backup? " He asked sullenly. "I can't imagine him letting you girls run around in case he fails. Any Plan B or Plan C?"

"We do. Father talked about a traveling lute player in the next town who's going to pick us up if everything goes awry." Emery's eyes beamed. "I know her, actually. Met her daughter too —she's funny!" Under Soushi's humorless gaze, her excitement faltered. "That is, I mean —we can absolutely trust her."

But Soushi was still rightfully unconvinced. "How can I be so sure you won't tell them anything about me when you meet them? No, wait. You didn’t even look surprised seeing me even though I was in disguise? Were you expecting to meet me from the start? Did the geezers at Abydos tip you off?" He sure as hell didn't think any refugee would dream of suddenly seeing their god in the flesh halfway through their exodus.

This time, it was Ruby who spoke. Like before, she showed no fear in the face of the vexed demigod. Much like the other, unknown young girl from before.

"We knew you were out there somewhere. All of us fully believe that you'd taken over Our Lord's place to watch us with your all-seeing eye." Ruby murmured. 

Soushi's eyes went wide with bewilderment. "You— I'm not—" 

I am not this Soushi that everybody wants me to be. 

"You know what," he groaned, rubbing his eyes against the back of his eyes. "Let's continue this tomorrow. We have a long day, yeah? I've decided to help you reach the next town."

"Really?" Emery piped. "We're not burdening you with our presence, are we?"

Too late to say that now. And what an inane thing to ask a god. " Really, really. But only if you sleep now because we're going out early. And no, I'm not risking myself to fly with one girl each on my arm." He noticed his mistake when Ruby shot him a look. "Yes, I have wings, in case you were wondering. And no, I'm not showing you."

He extinguished the bonfire with a flick of his wrist before gesturing at the girls to follow him inside. They had no proper bedrolls, but the tattered curtains and random sheets they found in the sanctuary were enough for the night. Soushi sat vigil by the altar base after he made sure the girls were warm and snug.

The half-pint Ruby just had to sneak in one last jab to throw Soushi off guard.

"I knew Justice would send you when this land needs our god the most," she whispered. "Your journey has only begun, but it appears your blessing has been decided."

........

Some notes:

For more context on this AU, check out my ramblings on why the Osiris Myth kinda goes well with Kazusou (with some mentions of Horus-the-Elder)

Notes on characters' roles so you can look up stuff easier:

KoSoushi = Horus the Younger/Heru-sa-Aset Fem!Kazuki = Isis/Aset. In some mythologies, she's either Horus's mother or wife. I went with mother in this one Soushi = Horus-the-Elder/Heru-ur with some influences from Osiris. His relation to the Horus we know is kinda muddy (some sources say he's sort of an uncle) but we know that Horus succeeded him in later years. In the myths, Osiris was chopped up by his bro Set and Isis had to recover his parts that were scattered across Egpyt. Festum= The sands, which Horus' rival Set had power over. Maris = Set, Horus' rival to the throne

Ombos: I kept talking about Ombos in this fic, so what is it? Ombos was an Ancient Egyptian city that served as the center for Set (the antagonist in Osiris myths) worship. In this fic, Ombos is like a second capital for adherers to the Sands.

Cities and areas

Abydos: Cult center for Osiris and Isis.

Nekhen: Cult center for Horus the Elder

Peguat: Also pronounced Piquat in Ancient Egyptian language and known as Canopus to the Greeks. This town was the cult center for Osiris.

[flameo-firelord-hotman]

Part 3

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: panic attack

Words: 1.5k

Summary: to everyone she knew, [y/n] was a peasant, destined to be a servant just like her parents. To Zuko, however, she was his best friend. After losing his agni kai and being exiled, [y/n] was devastated. She thought she would never see him again. Three years later, she almost wished he never came back.

A/N: wasn’t quite sure how to write this part, and I’m not sure how I feel about it...but I’m just gonna post it anyway :)

Part 2 <- Part 3 -> Part 4

Series | Masterlist

This dark, dusty hallway seems to never end. It feels like I've been wandering for hours, yet it feels like no time has passed. It feels familiar, like a fragment of a memory, yet it feels fabricated. It feels like a lot of things, but I feel…nothing. It's so surreal, yet so natural.

I watch myself from above. My body is floating, light as a feather. Am I spirit? No. How do I know? I don't. But I can see myself right there, standing on the floor next to my friend. I think it's him. His face is a blur, but I can see just enough to be sure.

We're talking. Nothing being said makes sense, yet it all makes sense. He's getting closer to me. Now I feel something, an urge, a whim. He's leaning in, closer and closer, and…

[Y/n]’s eyes fluttered open. She was curled up under the covers of one of the guest room beds. It must have been late morning, because the sun was peaking brightly between the curtains.

For a second, everything was okay. Then, she frowned upon realizing what just happened. Kissing Zuko, what a dream. Really, it could never be a reality. Last night, when they got to the beach, him and Mai made up and got back together. They even kissed right in front of [y/n]. It hurt to watch.

Fortunately for her, they were returning home today. [Y/n] could forget about this trip and go back to living her normal, boring life, something she never thought she would miss. As she packed her bag, she once again thought of that moment from last night. The memory was burned into her brain. No matter how hard she tried to push it away, it kept coming back. And every time, she wondered if what she saw was real. She sure wished it was.

Even if he really did, he could’ve been acting in the heat of the moment. He probably would’ve regretted it afterward. Yeah...why would he kiss his best friend? And a commoner at that? And while he clearly still has feelings for Mai? That would be ridiculous.

[One week later]

Knock, knock, knock.

[Y/n] propped herself up on her elbows and wiped her groggy eyes. It wasn’t unusual to have visitors—her family and neighbors often did favors for each other—but it was rather early in the day for one.

“Just a second!” [Y/n] called out. She tossed the covers aside, quickly threw on a robe and put her hair up in a messy bun.

Damn, I was really hoping to sleep in today. I hope it’s not someone important.

She opened the door.

“Hello, [y/n]!” A teenaged boy in a regal tunic with a scar on his face stood before her. He smiled brightly and waved his hand. [Y/n] felt her heart skip a beat.

“Oh! Um, hi, Zuko,” she replied.

“I hope you don’t mind me stopping by,” Zuko chirped, “I thought we could hang out today, if you want. Your mom told me you have the day off.”

He wants to spend time with me? Just us? [Y/n] was delighted by the opportunity. Then, reality set in: Zuko was still dating Mai and only saw her as a friend. She couldn’t hold his hand, she couldn’t cuddle with him, she couldn’t kiss him, she couldn’t be with him the way she wanted. Clearly, [y/n] hadn't gotten over her crush. If she was going to continue being his friend, she would need to do so. She needed to give herself space.

“Um, I'd like to," [y/n] said slowly, "but...I don’t feel well today.” She placed a hand on her stomach to feign illness. The fact that she had just rolled out of bed helped her cause.

Zuko’s cheerful face morphed to one of sadness. “Oh, no. I’m sorry. Is there anything you need? I could bring you medicine or food.”

[Y/n] shook her head. “No, thanks. I have everything I need.”

“How about I brew you some tea?”

“Er, no, it’s fine. I just need rest.” She scratched the back of her neck nervously.

“Okay. Well, I hope you feel better,” Zuko said earnestly.

“Thanks. Maybe another time,” [y/n] said.

“Yeah.” He trailed off, nodding slowly as he backed away from her apartment. They said their goodbyes and waved to each other. [Y/n] closed the door and leaned against it. She dropped her head into her hands. Already, she regretted her decision. She wanted nothing more than to be with Zuko, even though she knew it would cause her heart to ache.

Why do I have to have a crush on him? Why can't I go back to liking him as a friend? I don't want these feelings. I just want our friendship, I just want what we had three years ago. I don't even know if I can be his friend anymore. It's ruining us. I just lied to him too. It was a stupid lie, but still, what kind of friend does that? Why couldn't I just say no? I’m so pathetic.

A few days had passed since then. Zuko didn't reach out to [y/n], and she didn't reach out to him. Once again, she was back to her day-to-day routine of things…somewhat. There was one day when all the residents on the main land had to be evacuated. [Y/n]'s mother said it was because Firelord Ozai was preparing for an attack during an eclipse, which would weaken our people.

When they returned, they saw the damage. The city's harbor had taken a serious beating, but the palace appeared to be okay. [Y/n]'s parents were quite relieved to know that they wouldn't have any extra work for themselves.

The day after they returned, [y/n] walked into the kitchen to eat breakfast. She saw a messenger hawk sitting on her window sill. Had Zuko finally reached out to her? She hesitantly untied the letter from the bird's leg and read it.

To: [Y/n] Summons Notice to Appear Your presence is required by his majesty Firelord Ozai immediately. Failure to appear in one (1) week will result in criminal charges against you and your family. From: Chief Advisor Xin

A bolt of fear struck [y/n]'s body. She froze. She backtracked the past several days and weeks, trying to think of what she could’ve done to warrant a summons. Nothing came to mind. Then, she wondered if her parents were involved in something treacherous. She couldn’t imagine them doing such a thing...perhaps they were being wrongly accused of a crime. Perhaps she was being wrongly accused of a crime. Her mind jumped to conclusions as rapidly as her heart was beating.

Finally, [y/n] broke free of her paralysis and fumbled for her things. She hastily headed to the palace. Breakfast could definitely wait. On the way, over and over, she begged and prayed to the spirits for her and her family’s safety.

At the palace, [y/n] approached the guards at the gate and presented the summons with shaky hands. They nodded, and one of them escorted her to the throne room. The guard slipped inside to announce her presence to Firelord Ozai. Meanwhile, she waited outside for permission to enter.

This would be her first time being in the presence of the Firelord, let alone talking to him. She was terrified to say the least. [Y/n]’s mom told her all kinds of stories about how scary he was. From the paintings she had seen before, his looks alone were intimidating. Her heart raced faster with every second she waited. Sweat coated her forehead and palms.

The guard returned, making [y/n] nearly jump out of her skin. He gestured for her to enter. And so she did.

The first thing [y/n] noticed was how warm the throne room was. It was massive and wide open with tall, ornate pillars outlining an aisle running down the middle. Straight ahead was the throne, where Firelord Ozai sat surrounded by large, hot, dancing flames. He wore a severe expression, looking just like he did in all those paintings. On his left sat a girl: Princess Azula. The seat on his right was empty.

Where’s Zuko? [Y/n] wondered, but only for a fraction of a second. That didn’t matter right now. She gulped nervously and approached the throne.

“F-Firelord Ozai. Princess Azula,” she shakily dropped to her knees and bowed. She had never felt so small before. “I received your message and came as soon as I could.”

“Why don’t I take this one, father?” [Y/n] gingerly peaked up to see Ozai quietly nodding to Azula. The princess rose from her seat and walked to [y/n]. [Y/n] slowly straightened up.

“Don’t be scared, [y/n]. We just want to ask you a few questions.” Azula patronized her.

“Have you seen or spoken to Zuko recently?” Azula inquired, pacing back and forth. Her heels clacked against the marble floor.

“Yes.”

“When?”

“A few days ago.”

She stopped and turned on her heels to further interrogate [y/n]. “What did you two talk about?”

[Y/n] nervously explained what happened when Zuko stopped by the other day. Azula sighed dramatically and pinched her nose.

After a long, suspenseful silence, [y/n] daringly asked, “Princess Azula...do you mind if I ask what this is about?”

Azula glanced at her with the side of her eye. "Well, since you asked, my dear brother, Zuko…he's been missing the since the attack."

Taglist (open!): @aangsupremacy @kaylove12 @celestialentitiesss

[selkiesblog]

The ruse(DracoX OC) Chapter 1- The plan

"mooom please, does she really have to spend the summer here???" The little boy with white silverish hair said pulling on his mother's robe ends, hiding his head over her kilt

Every June until September Saphira Jones would come to his mansion to spend the summer over the Malfoy's

It started as a tradition, the two families were quite fond of each other. Since Voldemort first vanished and the rumors of his return started. The Malfoy's needed to reassure their family's safety and economic stability in case of things gone wrong during the rise of death eaters and late battle. So they made a pact that neither of the children would know: for every year until they turn a majority age, they would unite their families in expectation of a great match. And not until then deny or agree with a marriage proposal, that should be made

Draco utterly despised every second and Saphira knew it, so she would try to make his life just as miserable as hers, the only problem is that the game they both plays of twisting and pulling each other until one or another give up or break was never-ending

He would bark she would bite

As a child, they would fight over toys

"Mooom!!! Saphira stole my broom!!" He cried

"No, I did not!!"

Sometimes she would indeed steal his toys and hide in the most inconvenient of places cause at the very young age she would be more advanced in spells than he, a fact that she would- till this day- constantly remind him.

"You did!! Stop lying!!"

But this time she didn't

Oh no, he was just having fun getting her in trouble.

"Safira, give him his broom!" Her mother stepped in the light

before she could deny his allegations or make any more of her comments she heard a snap and by pulling her hear she was dragged into her room "that's it!! No wand for a week!" He smirked through his fake tears

And it got worse as it got physical. In school he will do whatever it takes to provoke her, pulling her long brown braids, pushing through the halls, calling her names until she snapped over him with her hand in a fist. She got -10 points to Gryffindor's he got a red-eye

Summer came and there she was again cuffed to him like a second skin

"Kneel," he said

"No you kneel" she pushed him

"No, I'm older than you"

"And I'm richer than you"

"Enough both of you!!!" Narcissa said "now Saphira, kneel" she took a large breath, she went down reverencing like a Princess only less charmingly. He puffed his chest with pride and kept his back straight smirking with victory "now you kiss her hand" they both looked at Narcissa who seemed with her patience on the edge, both hands in her temples. Draco not into hearing more of his mother's speeches on how the Yule ball was a very important event and that he was going to make a fool of himself if he didn't know the proper steps. Soon he raised her hand to meet his lips and planted a kiss there

The music started, slower. Saphira still taken by surprise with his action crumbled over his pace, stepping on his foot. The music started again and again until she got it right, only when it was time for him to spin her and catch he let her fall

Fifteen and It was time for pranks that she learned from the Weasley twins, Fred and George. Colorful bombs in his dorm room or shoes that would fart every time he walked, name it she has it

"Never heard of it?"

"What does it do?"

"It tickles the skin non-stop until the person breaks in laugh"

"Rather harmless..." Fred started

"But very affective" George finished

"Okay!..." She whispered to herself "Rictumsempra"

In the tall estate of the games, missing one point to Slytherin score 150 and Draco catch the golden snitch. He started twisting on his broom, having a pit of a contagious laugh. Everyone started to making fun until he lost balance and crush in the dirt of the ground

She was shaking when they took him to Papoula Pomfrey, he had hit his head but the problem was in his broken arm. He was still conscious when they asked him what happened, he just looked at her, and said "I lost balance and fall"

He lied?

It didn't make sense, he knew it was her and he wouldn't tell her off? He would always tell her off. Draco was the boy who would do everything in his reach to get her in trouble, wasn't he? Did he beat his head so hard that he has forgotten he hates her? Was he gonna use it to his advantage, just waiting for the right moment to strike like a snake?

While he was asleep she stayed up all night on his side, guild kicking in, anxiety keeping her awake, looming at his facials expression as he slept. That night Saphira discovered many things...

first one: Draco talked in his sleep

"No, No I won't fail you"

he woke in shook in the morning, sweat dripping from his forehead, breathing heavily

"Are you feeling better?" She asked ready to question why didn't he told dumbledore it was her who cursed him

"Yes" he simply said

Second one: don't trust the Weasleys with spells

"It was a really hard crash" she sighed "unfortunately I have some bad news" he positioned steadily in the bed frowning "you fall so hard and ground that your face fractured" he quickly turned to the mirror on his side " now you look normal"

His delicate lips had a small cut in them, nothing scandalous, but he looked angry as he turned at her, his serious serious expression turned into a grin. They both laughed immensely for a couple of seconds and stared at each other not knowing what to say, or do.

"Draco?" A small voice echoed in the corner of the room

"H-Hi pansy!" He said

Suddenly it was a weird atmosphere that broke through the windows as she had just crossed nearly headless nick for the first time

"I'm gonna live your two alone" heading out the door, leaving space for the both to talk she realizes the Third one: she was completely head over heels in love with Draco Malfoy

And every time she would catch him snogging pansy in the corner of the halls, kissing the length of the neck, or overheard them talking, she would get this feeling of nausea on the bottom of her stomach

"You're jealous!" Hermione said

"Why would she be jealous?" Ron asked with his mouth full, she never so gentle smacked his head with her hand pointing at the way pansy would play with Draco hair

"He doesn't even like it in the middle part," Saphira said playing with the vegetables on her plate with her fork, not hungry at all

"You gonna eat that? " Ron asked

"Wait...you like Draco? " Harry asked, "why?"

"I don't like him!!!"

"Okay...But you spent every summer with him, it's a little suspicious"

"It's because of my family you know that"

"Have you ever considered confessing your feelings to him?" Hermione again asked

" I don't like him," she said again loudly "even so, he doesn't see me that way"

But the thought lingered in her mind for a couple of weeks, weeks-long enough for the students already know that Malfoy would keep his Summers busy with her. Suddenly everyone knew and assumed the same thing that Hermione did

"Are you dating Malfoy?"

"How long are you guys together?"

"What about Pansy?"

"Is he a good kisser?"

Overwhelmed by the random questions and thoughts she went to talk with Draco personally until found him talking with Blaise and his friends "come on guys, I'm not dating her" he laughs "she not even my type" he said making an ugly face "I am just is stuck with her through the Summers cause she so annoying and boring that even her parents don't want her around" he quickly realized the words that had just come out of his mouth and shut

There was so much truth in those words, the truth that she never wanted to admit nor she could. She was adopted, it's true, people didn't know and those who knew certainly didn't talk about that.

When two purebloods decide to adopt a magic muggle-born, the elite society doesn't take it very well, first of all, it's illegal. Second: the chance of dishonoring the bloodline and status of the family by polluting their legacy mixing their divergence with a "mudblood", it a risk that no one should take, even a mother who lost her child at early birth; a bare family in an empty nest; a tree rotten in its core. She was embarrassed, only for a couple of seconds, soon she was filled with the very familiar feeling that emerged in her mind of angst

She got a suspension when the school heard from her that she had used a spell against a student and wounded him during a game of quidditch. Sitting on the bench Draco looked at her stiffed

"Why did you tell them?"

"My parents are going to move me to

Beauxbatons school" he looked worrisome that she almost felt pity "then I won't have to trouble you with my annoyingly boring behavior" she was about to get up when she felt his hand on her wrist twirling her body close to his, too close even

"Is this what you want?" She felt his mint breath in her cheeks and shivered over the wooden cologne

"W-what I-?"

" You wanna ruin everything don't you?" Her stomach filled with butterflies "our parent's plans, the secret, you found out and now you wanna ruin it"

Instantly the short moment went away, she stepped out of his intense gaze and unlocked her wrist

"Secret?"

"Why do you think you would come every summer to my house?" He said

"obviously isn't because we're so friends"

"Our parent's plans all along were that we would be more than that, I guarantee you" the words hissed against her thoughts, it was all so obvious now "marriage, Saphira, they want us to be wedd"

She felt like crying, run away like a little girl who just found out that Santa isn't real. She felt like breaking. Draco was bounded to her, stuck with a girl that he doesn't want

Making his life miserable as hers

"Draco, hear me, loud and clear," she said crying out, he never saw her tears, but that day it poured like a stormy rain

"you will never, never marry me. I give you that" alone with his thoughts, he builds his first wall

You're free

That summer she didn't come. It was his darkest summer, that gloomed into his mind like clouds over a parade

_____

"Will you fail me, boy?" Voldemort whispered

"No, my Lord"

[pietromelim]

Lucie Herondale's 17th birthday! Takes place after the events of Chain of Thorns,which hopefully will have a happy ending!

Enjoy the reading!

Summer,1904,Idris

At the Herondale Manor in Idris,Lucie could barely pretend not to be excited,as she stood in front of the mirror.

Today was her birthday,her 17th birthday to be exact. Birthdays were quite important for the Herondales,since they knew how short a life could be.

Most of Lucie's birthdays were in London though,as her father,Will,would take her to the Portal,they would appear at the gates of the Institute,and inside Lucie would find her family and friends in a surprise party.

A surprise party she obviously knew about,so she usually spends a good amount of time rehearsing surprised faces.

That is what she was doing now,in the bathroom of her room. It wouldn't take long for Tessa to show up and congratulate her,and also tell her to speed it up.

Lucie wasn't really in the mood to speed it up today though,she was trying to make the perfect surprised face today,after all,she had a certain Blackthorn to impress.

James would make fun of her,no doubt. Luckily,he would be with Daisy so he wasn't going to pay attention to Lucie on that matter.

-Lucie! Are you done there darling!? Your father wants you to come and have breakfast with us!-Tessa said.

Lucie opened the door,she was still wearing the pink nightgown Grace had given her,as a way to thank her for helping bring Jesse back.

Lucie accepted the gift with quite some joy,since it wasn't like Grace to give anyone gifts. And the nightgown was very beautiful.

-I just need to get dressed Mam! I won't take too long!-Lucie said,as Tessa pulled her to a hug.

-My darling Lucie! Happy birthday my sweet girl! Seventeen years! You are almost an adult now!-Tessa said,nearly crying.

-Mam! Please save your tears for a more impactful moment of today!-Said Lucie,truth was,she was almost crying as well.

-Well get dressed then! And please hurry!-Tessa said,and left the room.

Lucie decided to wear a pink dress,one she used when Will asked for a portrait of her to be made. It was one of her favorite dresses.

She went downstairs and to the dining room,where her parents and James were having breakfast.

-The birthday girl finally decided to show up! Happy birthday sister!-James said,kissing Lucie's forehead.

-Thank you Jamie.-Lucie said,smiling,as Will approached her and hugged her.

-I cannot believe my Lulu is turning seventeen. I feel as if i ought to cry the entire day.-Will said,grinning.

-Papa! Enough with that silly nickname! It is embarassing!-Lucie said.

-And what are parents for if not to embarass their children?-Will asked,and they all laughed.

Those were really happy times. But the day was just beginning.

Later

Lucie and James were walking around the Herondale Manor. Truth was,apparently James had found a mysterious lake nearby that they never knew about. But Lucie was not buying it.

-That sounds so untruth! As a writer,i should have been the one to find this lake,so i could describe it in The Beautiful Cordelia!-Lucie said.

James shook his head.

-Try to forget about novels today,Luce. You are almost eighteen now. Do you have any idea which Institute you would like to visit?-James asked.

Lucie had already thought about that. She was waiting to see if the Clave would approve of Jesse's visit to the New York Institute. He wasn't seventeen anymore,obviously.

He had two ages,but since he did not had the chance before,he was considering visiting now.

And if the Clave approved,she would choose the New York Institute to got with him.

-Not really. I don't really want to think about that right now. Much can happen in a year. I am sure i will be certain of my answer in my next birthday.-Lucie said.

James nodded.

-Seems fair. I am sure we will have lots of fun today. By the way,i know that you were rehearsing today.-James said,and smiled.

Lucie felt like punching him in the stomach,which would be easy,since she was much shorter than him.

-My surprise faces are the best! And i was under the impression you would keep my secret! I think it pleases Papa and Mam if they think that i am really surprised.-Lucie said.

-I am sure they probably know that you pretend. But now is not the time to think about that. Let's go back to the Manor.-James said.

Lucie nodded,and so they did.

As Lucie opened the great doors of the Herondale Manor,she shrieked when she heard a very loud "Surprise" shout.

The living room was full of people,her parents,her family and all her friends.

She covered her mouth with her hands,and turned her attention to James,who was standing beside her,with a smile on his face.

-This was definitely your best surprise face,Luce.-He said.

Minutes Later

-I cannot believe it! This was your idea Daisy?-Lucie asked,looking at her Parabatai,that was laughing.

-James told me that usually your father would bring you to the Institute,so i thought it would be good if we changed the routine once in a while.-Said Cordelia.

-That was brilliant! For the first time,i was truly surprised!-Lucie said.

-And we had help from Magnus to make all this food appear here. I was afraid the cake would loose itself in somekind of random realm.-Matthew said.

Lucie looked at him. It has been almost an entire year since Matthew was sobber. It was good to see that he was being able to overcome his problems.

-Good thing it didn't! A birthday without a cake is quite anticlimactic!-Said Lucie.

She stared at the cake. It was quite big,a combination of strawberry and chocolate,Lucie could only hope that her mother would eat as well. She knew Tessa wasn't very fond of chocolate.

-You better go greet the others Lucie,and allow them to congratulate you.-James said.

Lucie nodded. James was right,she had to do that,it would be a good opportunity to talk to Jesse too.

Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Henry were the first to come and talk to her. Charlotte could barely go to the other birthdays she had,but since they were in Idris,it made it a lot easier for her to show up.

Charles came after,Lucie still had a hard time being around Charles. Some of his actions and words made Lucie seriously doubt if he would ever be a decent Consul.

-Lucie dear! Happy birthday! This is quite the party you are having!-Said Anna,and with her was Ariadne.

-Congratulations! I really loved your dress Lucie!-Ariadne said.

-Thank you! I'm so glad you two could come! How is your father dealing with the both of you being together?-Lucie asked.

Ariadne shrugged.

-I'm not really sure. He says it is okay,but always avoids the conversation.-Ariadne said.

-Don't let her fool you Ari! She is only trying to get a description out of you! She is a bloody writer!-Anna said,and Lucie laughed.

Uncle Gabriel and Aunt Cecily came to her,apparently Alexander was playing with his red rubber ball somewhere else.

-Lucie my beautiful niece! You will soon become an adult Shadowhunter! And then we will start our plan to take control of the Clave! Only women will lead!-Cecily said,hugging Lucie.

-That seems quite a difficult plan!-Lucie said.

-Don't listen to her Luce! We all know that you will become a great Shadowhunter and a great writer as well! I'm still waiting to have my own copy of The Beautiful Cordelia.-Gabriel said.

-Sorry Uncle Gabriel,but i'm afraid you will have to wait for it's publication.-Lucie said.

Eugenia,Sophie and Gideon also congratulated her,and it reminded Lucie of Barbara,and how she was always nice and cheerful. Lucie missed her cousin.

Lucie began to feel a little tired since she had been standing for quite a while now. She sat beside Thomas.

-Thank goodness you are not standing Tom! I wouldn't like to make you come all the way down just to hug me!-Lucie said.

Thomas smiled and kissed her forehead.

-It would be for a good reason. I am so glad to see that you are enjoying the party. When Cordelia had the idea of having the party at the Manor,i wasn't really sure if you would like it or not. Since we can literally see the ruins of the Blackthorn Manor from here.-Thomas said.

It was true. James had accidentally burned the Blackthorn Manor to the ground,and it was possible to see the outcome of that.

Lucie wasn't sure if seeing that would be awful for Grace and Jesse,but they didn't seemed to mind.

-Have you heard the big news Lucie? Christopher and Grace now have an understanding!-Thomas said.

Lucie would literally have screamed if the Manor were not so full.

She stood up and went to Grace's direction. It was Impossible not to recognize Grace,always in her ivory dresses.

-Grace! By the Angel,is it really true?-Lucie asked.

-Happy birthday Lucie. I hope you won't mind my presence here?-Grace asked.

-I'm glad that you came Grace. Our friendship has a special meaning to me.-Said Lucie.

Grace nodded.

-To me as well. I will always be grateful to you,for you helped me get my brother back. I will never forget your kindness.-Grace said.

-I am just as happy that Jesse was able to return. But do tell me! Is it truth? You and my cousin Christopher have an understanding?-Lucie asked.

Grace laughed. That rarely happened.

-It is true. Almost every men i met in my life thought that i was like all the other girls. That i only wished for emotions and feelings. But Christopher is different. He doesn't try to give me what he thinks i want. He listens to me,he makes me laugh with all that science of his. Being with him makes me feel lighter.-Grace said,smiling.

-That is adorable! I wish all the best for the both of you!-Lucie said.

-Gracie,might we have this dance? I swear to you i have been practicing the waltz with my mother and i will not step on your toes! Oh,hello Lucie! Happy birthday!-Christopher said,almost too fast.

-Of course,Chris. Excuse me,Lucie. Before i forget,my brother is in the garden,he wishes to speak to you,in private.-Grace said.

Lucie did not waste a second,she went straight to the garden of the Herondale Manor.

It was a sunny day in Idris,and the big trees in the garden created long shadows on the ground.

Jesse was near the tree,the shadow protecting him from the sun. It has been quite some time since he had returned from the dead,but he was still getting used to the light.

When he saw Lucie,a smile appeared on his handsome face.

-Finally,the Secret Princess Lucie has found time to talk to the Good Old Ghost Boy.-Jesse said.

Lucie put her hands on her hips.

-In her birthdays,Secret Princess Lucie can barely escape the attention of the Cruel Prince James,of the Demon Pox King William,and of the Shape-Shifter Queen Theresa.-Lucie said.

Jesse's eyes widened.

-Your father is Demon Pox King?-He asked,astonished.

Lucie only giggled.

-Perhaps Good Old Ghost Boy should have come to her rescue?-Jesse asked.

Lucie shook her head.

-Absolutely not! I am no damsel in distress i assure you! Grace said that you wanted to talk to me,so here i am! You may talk to me now!-Lucie said.

-How lucky i am,to get your attention for myself when everyone seems desperate to be with you.-Jesse said.

-That only happens in my birthdays. My attention will be on you,mostly.-Lucie said.

Jesse smiled. It did seemed like he had something important to say.

-So how has it been with the Clave? Will they allow you to go to the New York Institute?-Lucie asked.

-Charlotte Fairchild have talked to me when i arrived for your party. As the Consul,she said that i have permission. But it can't be this year. Since i was brought back,the Silent Brothers want to keep their closed eyes on me for a little more time. I can only visit next year.-Said Jesse.

Lucie beamed.

-That is absolutely perfect Jesse! How lucky of you!-Lucie said.

Jesse raised his eyebrows.

-Why am i lucky?-He asked.

-Well,i do become eighteen years old next year. In other words,i could go with you,if you are willing to wait.-Lucie said.

Jesse laughed.

-Well,it seems i really am lucky. Nothing would please me more than having your company.-Jesse said.

-It is settled then! You and i in New York,next year!-Said Lucie.

Jesse took her hands.

-Have you taken a look at your gifts? I'm sure you will love most of them. Perhaps all of them,if you are in a good day.-Jesse said.

Lucie was rather curious. What was his gift for her?

-What have you gotten me,Jesse? Will i like it? Or will i hate it?-Lucie asked.

-We shall see. If you don't mind,i would like to give you your gift right now.-Jesse said.

-Very well then. Please do.-She said.

Jesse leaned in close to her,and his lips touched hers,smooth and nicely.

They were holding hands as they kissed. Jesse tasted like honey and something more sweet than that. It was a taste she could only associate to him.

Their lips parted,and he smiled. That was probably the best gift Lucie had ever gotten.

-Happy birthday Lucie.-Jesse said.

[hawkbucks]

Okay, so I usually don't send this kind of asks or prompts, because I don't have any wishes - I'm happy with whatever I get. But if you're up for it, I'd really love some HEAVY Tony-centric angst. Ship or no ship, whatever you prefer more, and sad end - or if you're not comfortable with that not more than a hopeful end. I just want you to crush my heart and make me cry. A lot. If that's nothing you want to write, that's okay, I love your writing anyway! Thank you for all your hc's and fics! :)

HELLO, FIRST OF ALL, I AM SORRY FOR TAKING THIS LONG AND SECOND OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR BEING WILLING TO WAIT. 

I hope this quenches your thirst for angst! I’ll admit to not really? Writing angst that much? So I’m not sure how this holds up, but I hope it’s okay! 

Loosely inspired by canon.

As a child, Tony comes to the realization that he is not meant to be loved. 

His mother tries. Oh, God, she tries. She brushes his hair in the mornings, places bandages over his bloodied knees whenever he went to play out in the garden and inevitably fell due to an untied shoelace, but nothing--nothing--she does makes up for the way his father treats him, the way those barbed words wrapped themselves around his heart and lungs and squeeze until he could barely breathe. 

See, dear old dad makes sure that his dissatisfaction with Tony makes itself apparent at every turn. Tony isn’t smart enough, he isn’t quick enough, he isn’t careful enough, he isn’t tough enough. He cries too much, clings too tightly to his mother, spends more days reading about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table than brushing up on his advanced mathematics courses. 

“You're useless,” he remembers his father sneering, smelling faintly of alcohol and cigar smoke, while he desperately bites his lower lip to stifle his sobs as he picked up the remains of his toy car on the floor, “spending your time on those things instead of studying. I don’t see why Maria bothers. I certainly wouldn’t.” 

Clutching the scraps of metal to his chest, Tony runs out of the room as fast as his legs can carry him. He throws them in the trash, nearly retching up his entire lunch as he does so before going into his bedroom and curling up in his bed, buried under a ridiculous amount of blankets. He doesn’t know what to do to make his father happy short of running away and risking his life on the streets. 

He doesn’t know what to do to make his father love him. 

He keeps to himself at school. People don’t seek him out, and he doesn’t seek people out. He gets labelled as the “eccentric rich boy,” which is fine by him. 

Except there’s this other kid, James Rhodes, around 3 years older, that won’t stop trying to get him to come out of his shell. It probably helps that they’re roommates, otherwise Tony would be giving him a wide, wide berth. As in, making detours to the other side of the campus kind of wide. 

“C’mon.” Rhodes slides him a plate laden with a microwaved chocolate croissant. “Talk to me a little.” 

Tony eyes the plate. He hesitantly reaches forward, like he’s afraid that Rhodes is going to snatch it away from him at the last second, before bringing it towards himself. He nibbles at the edges of the pleasantly warm croissant. “Why do you care so much?” 

“Because you seem scared every time that I see you?” Rhodes answers. “Listen, Tony, you’re young. Younger than anyone else on this campus. I’m... worried, you know? You need someone looking out for you.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“And I’m not trying to be one. I’m just saying that you’d be better off having someone who cares for you. I’m not going to swaddle you and put you in diapers.”

Tony wrinkles his nose. “You better not.” 

Rhodes smiles at him. Tony finds himself smiling back.

It’s nice, having someone with him at school. He and Rhodes--or Rhodey, as he now calls him--are basically attached at the hip. They do anything and everything they can together. Tony has almost forgotten how it’s like to be this happy. 

He tells Rhodey one day, tentatively excited, that he’s found this girl: Sunset Bain. She’s a brunette with hair all the way down to the middle of her back, she’s wicked smart with a rapier wit, and, most importantly, she doesn’t care that Tony’s a Stark. 

“Stop growing up so fast,” Rhodey complains. “It’s making me feel old.” 

“You’re 19.” 

“I feel old.” 

They go on dates--nice ones, but not expensive. 

He has his first kiss with her. It’s quick and chaste, but he liked it. She doesn’t push him to go further, and for that he’s glad. 

He holds her hand as they walk under the trees. 

As it turns out, Sunset did a little snooping in his stuff when he’s distracted and made off with Stark company secrets right after they celebrated their 6th month together. 

“Stupid boy,” his father snarls, slamming a hand down on his desk. Tony’s heard it all before, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. He doesn’t look up from the floor, hands clasped behind his back. 

Tony croaks, “I didn’t--”

“Didn’t what? Didn’t think she’d take advantage of you? Did you actually think she loved you?” 

Tony doesn’t respond. He doesn’t want to appear to be even more of an idiot, because, yes, he actually thought she loved him. She would whisper as much when they cuddled on the couch, anyway. 

“Unbelievable,” Howard mutters, taking Tony’s silence as confirmation of that fact. “Get out. I have to deal with this mess that you made.” 

Tony nods. “Yes, sir.” 

He leaves, each step heavy. Everything after that is a blur. All he knows is that he left that room and he ended up back in his dorm, face down on the floor, sobbing his eyes out with a half-empty bottle of Vodka lying next to him.  

His parents die at some point. Car accident.  

He sobs into his pillow. He wishes--

He wishes he was in the car, too. At least he’d be with his mother.

Rhodey has been his anchor through all of this. He lets Tony ruin his shirts with his tears and his snot. He brings Tony coffee and cupcakes whenever he thought he could use some cheering up. Hell, he even offers to TP Sunset’s house--a tempting offer if he didn’t know that Rhodey would end up arrested for doing so. 

Like most good things in his life, Rhodey ends up leaving to join the Air Force. Tony wishes he could be selfish enough to ask Rhodey to stay a little longer, but he doesn’t. 

He gives him a hug and a pat on the back, and Rhodey is gone.

Rhodey tries to contact him. He calls, sends letters, e-mails, but Tony doesn’t reply. 

He knows it’s self-sabotaging. He knows that it’ll end up ruining one of the rare positive relationships he’s ever had in his far too long-feeling life, but he doesn’t care.

He’s never deserved Rhodey’s love. 

Tony is unsure if he should feel the glad the morning he wakes up and doesn’t see a missed call from Rhodes sitting in his inbox. 

He drifts along in life. Stark Industries was handed over to Obadiah Stane, and Tony has no plans on taking it from him. 

He drinks, orders takeout, spends his days on his phone or laptop. He’s rich enough that he doesn’t ever have to lift a finger to work in his life. It’s a boring--if safe--life. 

Crossing the street one day, he literally runs into a guy: tall, broad shoulders, with pretty blond hair. He apologizes profusely, but the guy brushes it off, tugging him over to the other side when a car honks. “I’m Tiberius,” the guy says, holding a hand out.

Tony takes it. “I’m Tony.” 

He falls in love with Tiberius fast and hard. It’s like Sunset, but a million times more intense. There’s just... something about the man that makes adrenaline pump in Tony’s veins and gives him a high that he has to spend hours shaking off afterwards. 

Of course, he’s terrified. Rhodes isn’t going to be there if something goes wrong (and something usually does go wrong when he’s concerned). 

Then Tiberius kisses him right before he leaves Tony’s apartment, and he melts. 

“No one else could love you like I can, Tony,” Tiberius murmurs against his lips, the movie they were watching all but forgotten in the background. 

Tony hums. He wraps his arms around Tiberius’ neck and draws him closer. Tiberius loves him. Maybe all of his insecurities were wrong.

“Ty,” Tony says in his best soothing voice. “Leave him alone. He didn’t know.” Tiberius is weirdly territorial. He won’t let anyone near Tony, man or woman, young or old. 

“Like hell he didn’t.” Tiberius continues to glare at the trembling man in front of him. “I should knock his lights out.” 

“Don’t.” Tony grabs onto Tiberius’ bicep and starts to pull him away. “C’mon, let’s just leave. We’re going to miss our reservation.” 

Tiberius rips his arm from Tony’s hold. “Oh, so you’re siding with him? Maybe you should go on a date with him if you care about him that much!” He stomps away, leaving behind a scared, slightly frazzled Tony. 

“I’m sorry about him,” Tony says to the man next to him, trying his best to put on an assuring smile. “He can get riled up.” 

“It’s--it’s fine,” the man replies. “I should be the one apologizing to you. He’s... you’re going to be alright, right?” 

“Of course I am,” Tony replies, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

The man looks at him with pity.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Tiberius says, arms around Tony’s waist, kissing his neck. “I just love you so much.” 

“Yeah.” Tony’s tone is empty. Tiberius has... well, he’s changed a lot. Tony thought that he was possessive before, but now he’s like a monster. All the woman did was wink at him and Tiberius yelled at her to the point where she was on the verge of tears. 

He still loves Tiberius, though. He thinks he does. He’s not too sure. Tiberius loves him, though. He knows that. 

Tiberius pauses. “Do you not love me anymore?” 

“What?” Tony places his hands on Tiberius’ shoulders. “I do!” 

“Why didn’t you say it back?” 

Tony swallows. “I was... distracted.” 

Tiberius narrows his eyes, gaze going steely. “Are you thinking about her?” 

“Ty--”

“You are, aren’t you?” 

“You’re being ridiculous--” 

Tiberius’ hand moves up to the back of Tony’s neck, and Tony feels the ice cold grip of fear in his stomach. “Who else is going to love you if not for me, Tony? I’m the only one who can put up with you.” 

Tony feels bile rise up the back of his throat. This isn’t healthy. This is far from it. 

But if this is the kind of love that he deserves, then he’ll take it. 

[afrodeitiess]

Wedding Bells

𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐒 | Prologue

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: Tony Stark x Black!Oc

𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 1780 Words

          THE CREAMY WHITE wedding dress seemed to become tighter with each growing second, constructing her breathing and pushing her chest together so that her breasts had no other direction to go but up, up, up.

         Topanga Woods has never once imagined that she'd be here. She'd never thought that she would ever choose to spend the rest of her life with one person and she remembered being quite averse to the idea of marriage. She was as stubborn as they came and that she was no picnic to be around. The idea of marriage has always felt very far away, like some inevitable fate that would one day catch up with her and drain all of the light from her life.

          Every single time that her father had brought up the topic of marriage before, she'd always said that she'd die all alone and surrounded by a million cats and while her stance on the cats still had not changed, it was now hard to imagine her life without Tony Stark. It was difficult to say exactly when her feelings for the millionaire, playboy genius, philanthropist - his words, not hers - had suddenly morphed from hatred to mere tolerance and eventually to love but she'd never imagined that she'd be so excited at the prospect of walking down the aisle and becoming his wife.

         Despite all of this, Topanga felt an iron grip over her heart, squeezing and wrenching until she felt as if she could just crawl into a hole and die. She'd known to expect this as she'd lived her entire with anxiety and she was always second-guessing her decisions and sweating the simple things but all of her fears and doubts were bubbling over inside of her.

          What sort of wife would she make? She wasn't the most accommodating person and she required her standard eight hours of sleep to function. Topanga had a tendency to self-destruct, to simply give up or ruin something before she could end up hurt and alone. Being with Tony made her happy and she loved being able to wake up next to him every morning and being able to make him smile with a simple corny joke. She loved him and she wanted the best for him but she couldn't shake the feeling that he deserved better. Somebody else.

        Besides, the title of Tony Stark's wife would definitely be different from all of the ones that she'd occupied previously. They'd started out as enemies and rivals and with time, they became friends and eventually, she was his girlfriend and then lover. And in the sum of a few years, she'd managed to add fiancée to the list and now, she was taking in the title of his wife.

         What sort of mother would she make? She hadn't known her own mother as anything other than the woman had left her father soon after she was born. All that Topanga had ever had was her father and a letter from the woman who had birthed her. She didn't particularly care for her mother. What a pair she and Tony made with their various mommy and daddy issues.

         Topanga allowed herself to chuckle at her own thoughts and shift ever so slightly. The little movement was enough to catch her seamstress' attention. "Stop moving. You're going to mess up your dress and then you'll have to walk down the aisle looking like a mess." Topanga adhered to her instruction and resisted the urge to retort that stating all of the things that could go wrong was not helping her anxiety at all. She was already singing that song to herself on repeat.

         Within half an hour, her makeup was all done and Topanga was grateful, although she couldn't feel her face. She sat in front of the mirror and glanced over her shoulder to make sure that her makeup artist wasn't looking before she wiped furiously at the vivid red lipstick that she'd painted all over her lips. "Are you decent?" Topanga heard a voice call from the door. She could recognize her best friend's voice anywhere.

         "Decent," she called to Alex and she heard two sets of footsteps from the door.

         "It's nothing I haven't seen before anyways," a voice called and the words were followed by a low chuckle. Topanga could hardly stop the smile that perched itself on her lips, despite her upset feelings. Her husband-to-be. She turned around to find Tony stumbling into the room, hands over his eyes.

         "I found him outside straight up freaking out," Alexis explained as she led Tony by the arm further into the large room.

         "I was not freaking out. Tony Stark doesn't freak out."

         Topanga scoffed underneath her breath as she could recall several times that he'd done just that. She smiled at him, although he couldn't see her and picked up the bottom of her dress and she waved off the makeup artist to give them some time alone. "Hey baby," she greeted him.

         "Hey," he returned and despite her closed eyes, she could hear the smile in his voice. "I wasn't sure if it was seeing the bride or talking to her on the wedding day that's bad luck."

         Topanga chuckled at him and turned around before instructing him to do the same. "What's wrong?" she asked, taking a step in his general direction and she heard him do the same. "You're not going to disappear on me, are you?" Her tone was joking and for the most part, she was but she couldn't help the fear that crept into her mind and her moisture that seemed to materialize on her palms.

         "I would never. Besides, I highly doubt that there's any distance that would stop you from hunting me down and making my life hell," he said, laughing lightly as stepped to the right in the direction of her voice.

         "True," Topanga admitted with a shrug. She took another step back, using the sound of his voice as a guide. "All of these preparations are getting to me. It would be much easier if we just eloped."

         Tony's answer came far too quickly for her comfort. It seemed that he, too, was second-guessing everything. "We still could. We could run away from here and get engaged in Vegas. It's really nice there this time of the year. I know people there that can marry us for little to no money - I did that once, true story - and then we can honeymoon around the world and come back and show off the tan that we don't have."

         Topanga's brow jutted up at the insinuation that Tony had been married once although she was sure that it was another story from his crazy life and she wasn't all that excited to hear about it. She lifted her feet back one step towards him. This time she was sure that she was close. She could feel it. She lifted her hand to grab his and was met with cool air. "To your left, Tony. No, not my left. Your left."

     This time she reached back and her skin made contact with his and she wrapped her hand around him and exhaled quietly. She rested her back against him and their hands intertwined behind them and suddenly, nothing mattered. Not the doubts that she was having or the too-tight dress or Tony's Vegas story. All of her doubts were reduced to whimpering whispers at the back of her mind. She felt Tony exhale and slump a bit. "Where is all this coming from, Tony?" she asked after the silence became too much bear.

         "I'm not sure," he whispered to her as they both sunk to the ground, not caring that it would be really bad if her dress was stained. "You know that I never really pictured myself getting married. Commitment? Gross, right. But I always figured that I would eventually and I love you. I absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don't know, I just always thought if I ever did get married, that my mom would be there."

        Topanga couldn't think of anything to say. They talked about everything but while they'd talked about his parents before, she knew that it was a touchy subject for him. She wasn't sure that there was anything that she could say that would fix it so she didn't say anything. She simply rubbed circles at the back of his hand. It wasn't much but to Tony, it was everything. She was there and that was all that mattered the most. Still, he couldn't stop himself from voicing his fears to her. "Do you think we're making a mistake?"

         Topanga sighed. "I really don't know." There was something quite daunting about having to voice her worried out loud. Even if it was to the person who knew her best. She got the sense that she didn't have to say it anyway. He already knew. "I hope not but we're human and making mistakes is what we do best. We're all too skilled at shattering but we're together, right? And we'll always be able to put the pieces back together."

          Topanga wasn't sure if she believed it or if she was simply trying to convince herself but she really hoped it was true because she'd found something great with Tony and she wasn't willing to give it up. Not now.

         A beat passed between them.

         "God, I really want to kiss you right now," Tony commented, his fingers playing with hers. "You know that I'm absolutely in love with you, right?"

         "You've said it once or twice," she laughed at him and she was surprised to find that she didn't feel as awful as she did before. If anything, she was in a hurry to put a ring on him and officially make him hers. "I love you." She leaned back against him and he squeezed her hands tighter as if she was his only tether to the world around him.

         Topanga couldn't help but think that everything would be okay. They were only two people and they were, by no means, perfect but they were together and they were in the eye of the storm. It was quiet and perhaps that was all they'd ever have but it was them against the world and that was more than enough for the two troubled souls.

___________________

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄.

━ So that was the first chapter and it’s kind of tame and not nearly as emotional as the rest of the story will get but I hope you enjoyed it. Like and reblog if you did