#i don't really write poetry so idk if this counts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

memory-the-unconscious · 6 months

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Hi... I'm like really evil so... I apologize in advance

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home?

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

LMAO love that you decided to ask me this as soon as I reblogged it. so very kind of you lol

orchid ⇢ Hozier's Unknown/Nth. He had no right writing the most soul-crushing lyrics to ever exist in this life and then just SHALALA his way into my heart. like.. "DO YOU KNOW I COULD BREAK BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THE GOODNESS, LOVE, I STILL CARRY FOR YOU???" WHAT WAS THAT?? how do you even begin to EXIST after hearing that??

cactus ⇢ the way that feminist theory has impacted other realms of life--and also the way literature has tied into different cultural movements. I've also been researching the various circles of Dante's Inferno (just for the giggles, ya know :P)

bamboo ⇢ sometimes. it depends. sometimes i get home and all i want to do is just collapse on my bed and not have to deal with anything else, but others I want to feel like a pretentious character from some novel so I'll keep my "fancy" clothes on lol

abelia ⇢ i have this one ring that I wear a lot--my grandma gave it to me. I also have a few pairs of earrings that I treasure a lot.

daffodil ⇢nope :) only child over here

mahonia ⇢ I love the mountains and the ocean--I think they both inspire me to be more than my usual self in various ways: to be kinder, to be more poetic, to see beauty in a wider variety of things and people.

chia ⇢ oh gosh, so many. does challenging my friends to duels count?? lol

sage ⇢ I really cannot decide on this one. I think the beauty of enjoying and being inspired by a variety of artistic mediums is that they each bring something unique into your world view: poetry can bring a sense of rhythm and orderliness or, in other cases, chaos. Music I see as another way of enjoying poetry--what else are lyrics, after all? Fiction is somewhere I can get lost and experience things I've never gotten the chance to see or meet people I'll never meet. Paintings, like photographs, capture a singular moment, but also infuse their meaning with a more personal flavor from the artist's own life. Statues are this concrete, physical expression of being that capture movement and emotion and strength and weakness and just the general essence of existence in a very solid, real way. plzzzz don't make me choose :)

edelweiss ⇢ the secret history. idk what else to add lol

camellia ⇢ I think i conformed a lot more to other's expectations (I know...such a cliche thing to say.. :(( lol). In other respects, I don't think i've changed all that much. I still love art and reading and running through fields and dancing in the rain and curling up with a story next to my dog just as much as I used to :)

jasmine ⇢ This is really tough. I definitely feel that way about some books that just destroyed me emotionally--same goes for films--but I also feel like, given enough time, I'd want to return to them to get a fresh perspective. Idk, I've definitely thought about this a lot, but a lot of types of media store cherished memories for me, so in returning to the media, I'm also reopening that treasure trove of my own life.

ivy ⇢ I smile a lot for no reason when I'm happy. I'm much more sarcastic when I'm down. I also tend to hold my hand up to my face when I'm anxious or annoyed. I feel like this is so much easier to determine about someone else, not yourself :)

chamomile ⇢ BOOKS. chocolate. hugs. cozy sweaters. tea. handmade gifts that are more a demonstration of love that anything else.

aloe vera ⇢ (i am aware this makes me sound a lot more lonely than i actually am lol) I would love to experience the feeling of sitting next to someone I love--platonic or romantic--and just sensing this absolute tranquility. I am always so happy every time I experience that and I'd love to have that feeling more present in my life.

palm tree ⇢ not really?? idk, i mean does Dorian Gray count??

nutmeg ⇢ the walls of my room are a green color that I chose when i was ten, which kinda sets the automatic aesthetic to cottagecore. Lots of plants, poetry and drawings and paintining and quotes pinned on the walls, books everywhere, a quilt i made as my bedcover, my dog (sometimes lol)

papyrus ⇢ just went and did this for the sake of experimentation. the song that came up was "king" by florence and the machine. I love all of florence's songs, but i love "king" for so many reasons. The guttural vocals really bring something out in the lyrics (which are incredible on their own). Also the production of the music video (directed by one of my favorite people of all time, Autumn de Wilde--same person who directed Emma 2020) just makes the aesthetic of the music so much more....GRAND

taro ⇢ I'd tell them about all the beautiful things I saw today, about all the interactions I had. about how much i love being alive, and how much I am looking forward to spending more time getting to know people and reading new books and falling in love with the way the world continues despite it all.

thank you for sending this ask, @kaleb-is-definitely-sane

#about me #asks

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yeyinde · 3 months

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thank you for tagging me @cordeliawhohung and @vanderilnde ! i'm tagging @ivymarquis @cosmicpro @when-pigsfly @eilidh-eternal @ethereal-night-fairy and anyone else who wants to participate!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 40

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 692,024

3. What fandoms do you write for? cod right now. slashers. predator. six. i have planned fics for John Wick, JJK, RDR2, Far Cry 5, Top Gun. nothing really put me in the same horrifying chokehold as cod, though.

4. Top five by kudos body electric, baby, (don't) fear the reaper, riptide, in undertow, past and pending

5. Do you respond to comments? i try to. i just never know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i don't really do angsty endings, but probs down to the marrow. it was meant to be read as an "oh, no..." sorta fic. on the flipside since it's in Soap's pov.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? ahhhhhhh. when your need grows teeth? i think those two freaks got exactly what they wanted lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics? sometimes. rarely on AO3. mostly just asks on tumblr. and almost always about my prose as if i wasn't writing exclusively from Giovanni's room lmao or my use of rare/big words. getting Purple Prose Queen was a highlight, though.

9. Do you write smut? i've been known to dabble

10. Craziest crossover. i took at stab at Joe "Bear" Graves x Reader x John Price because of an ask once. it was never posted because i got bored editing it so it'll rot in my "stuff i am too lazy to fix and post" folder forever. but other than that, idk. i prefer aus.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? naur. it sounds fun, though.

14. All time favorite ship? hard to pick, but probs Brittany/Santana. or Spider-Man/Deadpool. Icarus/Apollo. Iwaizumi Hajime x ME!!!! Ulquiorra/Orihime. Stiles/Peter. most recently, Reylo. Itadori/Sukuna.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? it's called: freefall :/

16. What are your writing strengths? flow. i used to go to a lot of poetry readings/open mic nights and think i developed a pretty solid feel for how to make things flow nicely. pacing and direction (i take a lot of inspo from my favourite directors and try to add elements of their films/style into my writing). ignoring grammar/punctuation. experimenting. trickery/masking. sneaking animism and anthropomorphism into my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? god. a lot. punctuation. grammar. overuse of metaphors. big words. misusing words. dialogue. action. brevity. consistency. tone. characterisation. my stuff tends to meander, i find.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? no real opinion, tbh.

19. First fandom you wrote in? mythology. i wrote an ungodly amount of Hades/Persephone from 12-14.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? uhhhhhhhhhh. sea fever. baby, (don't) fear the reaper.

#this was fun!!

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lamemaster · 1 year

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Become My Heartache

Pairing: Finrod x Human Reader

Word Count: 2.9k ish

Summary: "Everyone here was so hyped about the elven king that I had to come see you as well. Personally, I just don't think we would match anyway. You're… too, how do I say it… too clean?" You tilted your head as you spoke. "Like nice or pure, maybe… and I…" You rubbed the back of your neck with an embarrassed laugh.

AN: Why did I write this idk. I was watching Rockstar 2011 and could not stop the urge to write it into a fic. Also sufi poetry is my jam. It is so well written and hits the spot. (Dividers by @saradika P.S. you're amazing!)

"Only the purest heartache, ardent pain in one's spirit, can be the source of truest art," your mentor's words ring loud in your ears. "And I don't think you have that. You aren't made for that." It was your last chance to prove yourself as his student, your only chance to show that you too could write like any other love-crazed student of his.

Clutching your satchel close to yourself, you wander the bazaars looking for someone. Specifically, someone who would become the muse of your heartbreak, the one who would lend you words of poetry. You wander the streets in search of the muse of your heartbreak.

And then, you see him: a golden-haired dream surrounded by guards, seated on a magnificent white mare. He strides through the crowded streets of the bazaar, uncaring and seemingly oblivious to the staring eyes around him.

He is an elven royal, one you don't know yet but will soon. Curious, you approach a merchant who has been side-eying you for a while, realizing you should have bought something from him earlier. "Excuse me," you ask the merchant, "Who is that?"

The merchant chuckles and replies, "Ah, you sure do live under a rock. He's the King of elves, from a place called Nathrond…no, Nargrond, I think. They call him Vidri for his wisdom, but his true name of elven kind is Finrod." Grateful for the information, you pick the cheapest-looking item from the stall, thank the merchant, and prepare to complete the last task before embarking on your life as a true writer.

"Come on, y/n, you can do this," you whisper the words of courage to yourself as you step into the gardens frequented by the elven king during his visit. Finrod, a strange elf who, despite being a royal, kept wandering among commoners, is seated there with other elves and some men trying to blend in with the elves but failing to do so. You have braided your hair tighter, dressed in your best tunic, and brought your ever-present satchel as you make your way towards him.

The elven king senses your presence and looks up. "Hi, I am y/n, and I have something to tell you," you say, and the entire group focuses on you as Finrod nods for you to continue. "Not here," you add, not wanting him to easily dismiss you under public pressure. "I don't want prying ears to hear. Let's find a more private place."

"Just speak here, mortal," one of the guards barks menacingly, brandishing a sword. Gathering your courage, you push through the built-up tension and continue speaking, even though Finrod makes no move to follow you. "I think you are really cool and attractive. I like you. Let's court," you declare, and the entire garden falls silent at your audacious statement.

"Pshh HAHHHAAA," a loud laugh rings out from one of the men. "Oh lord, she really…" another man laughs, but you only feel a slight annoyance rather than the heartache or pain you had hoped for. Your only hope lies with the elven lord, who remains speechless.

"I... don't think... I'm sorry, I can't," the words fall from the elf. You try to anticipate the impending heartache. "I... I'm already taken," you don't notice the slight redness gathering on the elven lord's cheeks.

"I guess this is it then. My love shall forever go unanswered. But that's okay, I can simply live by writing," you feel it now. Yes, this must be it. Willing your eyes to grow a little cloudier, you embrace your heartbreak.

"Okay," oops, morphing back into your depression, you take your leave. You ignore the laughing men and elves around you. You don't care for their approval or jest. There is something out there much more important than that. Something within your reach but still out of it. And this king of elves could be the answer.

Musing about it, you rush back to your mentor. He would truly see your pain now, won't he? Slightly messing up your hair and rubbing your eyes, you hurry.

"I thought I told you to leave," your teacher stands in front of you. You pause mid-bite. Your impossibly delicious meal has to wait. Seems like your heartbreak isn't evident to him. "I cannot leave," you try to remember the elven prince... or was he the king? "I cannot bring myself to do it anymore," your gaze drifts to the food that seems to be cooling down with every passing second. "There is no longer a place for me in this world. The one I loved broke my heart," you carefully pluck a bite of bread from your plate. God, the food here is always divine.

You do not notice, however, your mentor's sharp gaze. "Hmm, I was right," you pause at his words. "I was right, you do not deserve to be here. You call this love?" He points an accusatory finger at you. "You call this heartbreak?" The entire hall stops at your teacher's raised voice. "This is no love lost," he pauses with a pained look in his eyes, "If it were love, you wouldn't be here, eating away at these delights. It would be an ache so potent that it would forbid even the thought of swallowing a bite. There is no pain in you, no struggle, and that is why you are not worthy of being here," your pleas fall short of stopping your mentor as he drags you out of the halls of his school.

"Return only when you have learned to respect the pain of others. If not love, at least learn to be honest with yourself," the doors shut in your face, leaving you dumbfounded.

As the only sister to five brothers, you never had to ask for a thing. Your life had been easy. Your father, a rich courtier, allowed you to study and pursue your passion. Your brothers looked out for you. Your sisters-in-law didn't hate you either. You were not bound to an unfair betrothal either. There was truly no pain in your life.

And from what it seems, even the elven king had not done the job. However, the least you can do is apologize to him. If that is the only way to please your mentor, then so be it. You would find a way to discover the pain that would make you worthy of his teachings again.

Finrod's heart beats with a wild rhythm when he sees you walking towards him again, the one who has the courage of mighty mountains, the daring woman who proposed to him.

Even now, Finrod can't help but wonder about your intentions. It wasn't love... not the love that he knew of. It was something else. A curious thought whispered into Finrod's mind at the very sight of you.

You looked different from earlier. Gone was the joyful confidence and suaveness in your eyes. Instead, you appeared sheepish. What had caused this change in the woman who looked at him with determination, despite the scorn and mocking thrown her way?

"I… I must tell you that I am sorry," your words were different from what Finrod expected. "I am not in love with you, nor am I interested in courting you. I hope you weren't offended by my actions," your words left him speechless.

"Then wh—" Finrod began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"Everyone here was so hyped about the elven king that I had to come see you as well. Personally, I just don't think we would match anyway. You're… too, how do I say it… too clean?" You tilted your head as you spoke. "Like nice or pure, maybe… and I…" You rubbed the back of your neck with an embarrassed laugh.

"So you think I'm too naive and pure," Finrod found himself speaking before he could stop. "You judge me based on an elven king who knows nothing of this world?" Finrod leaned in and watched your pupils dilate as he did so. "Well, I will be going to Red Flower tonight. Alone," Finrod emphasized the last word with a feeling of smugness filling him.

You gaped at him open-mouthed. "Red Flower… it's a brothel," you whispered. "I thought elves… I thought you were taken…" Your voice sounded scandalized. Finrod felt a surge of satisfaction at your astounded expression.

And that is how you ended up accompanying the elven king to watch scantily clad women dancing in dimly lit rooms. Worried about leaving the pretty king alone in the red district of the town, you followed him.

And if any of you end up getting a lap dance at the end of the day then it is no one's business. Not that you would ever be able to tell his betrothed who lives in the Blessed Lands.

With the inhibitions of your master and school gone, you found yourself next to the king more often than not. Sometimes teaching him the art of stealing from guarded orchards, while others trying to pat his back as he coughed after the first whip of the pipe. Turns out elves truly cannot smoke, even when they try really hard.

As you ventured into the tavern, the poorly disguised elven king walked behind you. The shallow hood was not doing him any favors, but despite your numerous attempts, the elf simply did not try on the fake beard.

You stared at two frothing mugs of mead, then turned to look at your partner. "Are you sure elves don't fall ill? I don't want to be linked to any harm done to your majesty." Finrod did not answer you with words; instead, he chugged the entire mug.

"Uaaw… Ughh," you didn't even flinch when Finrod gaged next to you. "How?" he questioned your ability to drink without a wince. "I told you it's not your refined and aged wine," you winked at the hidden royal.

"Why do you think God would be found in an effigy made of stone?" You glared at Finrod as you tried to shut him up. He clearly was intent on getting you and himself to the halls of Mandos, as he called it.

"It is merely a belief, a custom. Can you not sound so dismissive right now?" You dragged the king away from the crowd and the looming temple in the background. "People find hope where they can, be it in a stone shaped into their belief," Finrod stared at you, and you tried not to huff. It would really make your nostrils flare in the most unappealing way possible. "Not everyone is born in the land of gods, King Finrod."

"Forgive me," two words spoken with utmost sincerity erased all your anger in a heartbeat.

As Finrod prepared to leave, a sense of restlessness washed over your heart. The impending separation weighed heavily on your mind, and you found yourself unable to break away from his gaze. There was an unspoken challenge in his eyes, as if daring you to venture into an unknown battle of emotions.

"Is this how you men hug?" Finrod asked, a playful note in his voice, as you embraced him tightly to bid farewell. You chuckled softly, not wanting to let go. "Yes," you replied, a hint of reluctance in your voice. But just as you started to pull away, you felt Finrod's arms tighten around you, holding you closer.

"Then stay like this a little longer," he murmured, his voice laced with a mixture of longing and sincerity. The words caught you off guard, stirring a flurry of emotions within you. Your heart skipped a beat as you contemplated the deeper meaning behind his request.

"You want to run away or something?" you teased, trying to mask the sudden vulnerability that threatened to surface. A mischievous smirk danced on your lips as you challenged him playfully. "Like leave your kingdom and visit brothels with me?"

For a moment, the air hung heavy with anticipation. Finrod's gaze locked with yours, and you could sense the gravity of his response before he even uttered a word. His eyes spoke volumes, filled with unwavering determination and a longing for a different kind of freedom.

"Yes," he answered, his voice steady and resolute. The single word hung in the air, leaving you momentarily stunned. Your heart pounded in your chest, and a mix of excitement and uncertainty coursed through your veins.

"What do you mean?" you asked, your voice betraying a hint of apprehension. You searched his eyes for clarity, seeking to understand the depth of his intentions. The mischievousness in your voice was replaced by genuine curiosity.

A soft smile tugged at Finrod's lips, a gentle reassurance in his gaze. The seriousness in his stare extinguished any doubt, leaving you breathless. "I mean it," he replied, his voice unwavering. "I want to be the most un-elven elf with you. So, should we run away now?"

Your mind raced, trying to comprehend the weight of his words. A mix of emotions flooded your being — fear, excitement, and a flicker of hope. You hesitated for a moment, unsure of what this new path might bring, but the glimmer of possibility was too enticing to resist.

"I'm just joking," you finally managed to utter, "I wouldn't want to steal elves of their king," a hint of uncertainty lacing your words. But as you gazed into Finrod's eyes, you saw a lightness return to his expression, a playfulness that belied his sincerity. It was as if he understood the complex dance of emotions within you and accepted it without judgment.

A smile broke across Finrod's face, reaching his eyes and erasing any trace of doubt. He released you from his embrace, but his presence lingered, a connection that transcended the physical touch. "Maybe it was just a joke," he conceded, his voice filled with warmth, "but sometimes, jokes reveal the deepest desires hidden within our hearts."

That was how you parted with Finrod. Your last meeting held no promise of another.

Something gnawed at your soul — a settling dread that you would not be seeing him anymore. He was gone just like that. He might even not remember visiting you in his long lifetime.

Lost in your thoughts, you continued walking, and for the first time, you did not have a destination in mind. You walked past your school, your home, and the brothels you visited with Finrod, but nothing seemed to hold your attention. So you continued walking, step after step, pulled by an invisible force.

Clutching your satchel close to you, you followed the call that tugged at the weight that seems to have settled in your heart.

You stand outside the closed doors of your once home. And you know these doors will not be opening for you. Neither these doors nor the doors that lead to your mentor. You are no longer welcome in the world that you once called yours.

Clutched in your hand is a piece of paper. A crumbled piece of paper, that loses its ink to the merciless downpour of rain.

You could not find yourself to lament the loss of the words fading with every passing second. After all, these words were all you had left now. An abundance of them flocked every aspect of your life.

Nothing but these wretched words, the once you paid for with everything you ever valued.

It had been days since you had last barged through the doors of your mentor's place. You had expected to find the answers to your anguish there. To maybe seek approval for the bargain that seemed to have stripped you from your soul.

He should have known the answers to the path he led to you. When you enter the halls you once wished to be part of, you received nothing but stares full of contempt or found yourself confronted by the scorn of the ones who claimed to be the mascots of love.

If you had been more aware of the surroundings maybe you would have noticed your unkempt clothes, your unbrushed hair, or your bare feet that were bleeding onto the polished floors.

You held on to bunched up pages in your hands. Blank sheets full of poetry, yearning, and want. "Take it back," the words leave your mouth at the first sight of your mentor. You hand him the papers that he barely holds on to. "Take back or undo whatever it is that your teachings have led me to. I have written like you wanted. I have created like those love-crazed sufis now make this stop. Make this stop." The hall stands quiet.

"I cannot do that," your mentor's voice is a whisper. "No one can," he sounds so meek, unlike his past self.

"You don't understand. I cannot live like this. I cannot spend nights thinking of the one whose name I have already written a thousand times. I am looking for him, the king of elves, they call him Vidri or Finrod. I cannot find him. Tell me where he lives or where to find him..." your words thunder like the skies of July. You kneel in front of the one who you once knew to be your teacher. Begging for a respite of any kind.

You have been looking for Finrod for days but no matter how far your footsteps took you, you found no trace of the one you searched for. People knew of the golden-haired king but none knew of his kingdom. It was as if every proof of his existence evaporated into the searing winds of the desert.

You visited every place, every nook, every corner where you once saw him but there were no signs of him. Only the emptiness of your own yearning stared back at you.

"Please bring him back," your mentor steps back from your crouched figure.

Oh, the ecstasy of love's sweet wine, Intoxicates the soul with bliss divine. In the union of lover and beloved, they become one, An unsaid union, under the eternal sun.

So let the heart yearn, let it ache and pine, For in love's longing, a purpose divine. Through love's trials, the soul finds its way, To the eternal realm, where love holds sway.

So I embrace the reflection, a reflection of divine, As I seek him, I find my own essence entwined. In the labyrinth of love, I am both seeker and sought, A journey where duality is naught.

Finrod read the words once, then again, and again. He couldn't stop. Even without a name, he knew they were your words. Written by an anonymous poet, they resonated with him deeply because none would know them better than Finrod.

Hidden in the tavern he had once visited with you, Finrod smiled at the withered page of paper. So you had made it after all. Pride and joy filled him, but so did a sense of foreboding.

He ventured out, searching for you, but no one uttered your name. It had become taboo. The world had moved on without you. Your mentor, your friends, your brothers, they all stepped into a time where there was not a mention of you.

Where were you? You belonged here, with your people, in your bustling bazaars where you first met him. He had expected to return to a frozen time. And maybe this time… maybe he could finally tell you of his heart.

He found you amidst scorns and muttered curses. A frown appeared on his face as he noticed the averted eyes. "She had it coming with her deeds," an aged woman with a kind smile said without an ounce of sympathy or love for you. "A woman of the worst character. Did you know she had been seen frequenting those wretched brothels and indecent taverns? When asked, she spouted nonsense. Her brothers did not care for it and kicked her out. Her mentor, a respectable man, did not fare well with it either. For days she wandered these streets like a lewd prostitute, but then just left one day. Must have found another man or died in a ditch for all I care," disgust filled Finrod at the woman's words, but before he could defend you, another voice interrupted him.

"Come back, Granny, don't stand there talking to strangers," a child rushed forward and guided the elderly woman away from Finrod. Patting Finrod's shoulder, the woman started walking away. "Must have been some elven magic. That wretch would not stop talking about that elven king. She would write of him, sing of him, speak to him gazing in the skies...she was too far gone. "

When I looked for myself, I found his eternal flame, And in seeking him, I discovered my own name. In the sacred union of love's tether, I found the Beloved, in the depths of my own self, forever.

At last, Finrod had become your heartbreak.

#the silmarillion #tolkien elves #noldor elves #silmarillion x reader #finrod x reader #finrod felagund #angst #strangers to friends to lovers

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 1 year

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omg hi could you maybe do a high-school au where you're failing English lit and Tolya is assigned as your tutor and you had no idea he was good at English and just mutual crushing vibes over poetry and maybe he's a jock and you go to his games to cheer him on and yeah...

the song could be Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince by Taylor Swift

Okay, look. Normally I don't do AU stuff, because, so many reasons, but I looked at this request and thought about it, and then I thought about it out loud and it sent me and bestie spiralling so fast into a whole Shadow and Bone High School AU concept, that I kind of, have to write this. I kind of have to, but it will have a lot (A LOT) of AU background info so hold on tight buddy. It may get to the point where you're asking yourself "what happened to the original plot of the movie," and to that I say... Idk.

Between Classes And The Bell - Tolya Yul Bataar

Content Warnings: Explicit Language. Spoilers for Seasons 1 & 2 And Potential Book Spoilers Implied Throughout. Not Canon Compliant, As AU But Canon Referenced Throughout. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Word Count: 5k+

"My expectations are low," Kaz says, tapping his cane against the table as he passes Zoya, a gentle taunt. Zoya purses her perfect lips and taps her pencil against the table, refusing to take the bait. "But they can always go lower, of course."

"You really think this is an argument you'll win, Brekker?" Zoya asks, turning in her seat to look at him. He smiles, eyes darting to make sure there is no teachers to oversee the devilish smirk, and clasps his spare hand over the one holding the cane.

"Never been in a fight I couldn't," he says. Zoya looks ready to explode. And you can understand why, Kaz never loses Debate, and she was just beginning to think she had the upper hand on him, but he had only wanted her to think that.

"I don't think we need to take this so seriously," says another classmate, "we aren't being supervised."

"I think taking things more seriously when unsupervised is essential to a thriving environment," Kaz is mocking Zoya and she knows it. She wants to do something, and if she let her heated nature get the better of her, she might. But she just folds her arms, and takes in a deep breath. As Head Girl she has to be composed, and as Captain of the cheer squad she has long learnt composure. When Zoya breathes it is like even the air is competing for her attention, she is that kind of beautiful. You glance at her and she has her eyes closed, calming herself. She shouldn't let Brekker get under her skin so easily, but Zoya takes everything very seriously, whereas Kaz gives the illusion of caring about school, all the teachers think he is a perfect student, and his grades suggest as much, but it is more of a game to Kaz. But that would go unnoticed by most, after all, no body tends to look too closely at a boy with a cane. But you don't doubt he is probably the most threatening of all of you. You'd heard a rumour once that he was running a blackmail scheme and that's why his grades were perfect without trying. But you knew Kaz was smarter than he cared to display, and you didn't want to put too much stock in rumours. School is so full of them after all.

You get up as the class empties, and you try not to pay close attention to the way Kaz hovers in the room, awaiting it's empty, you cannot tell if he is waiting for someone or waiting for the silence.

Zoya is headed for cheer practice and you are quick to step out of her way, it is best not to get under her feet at the best of times, yet again when she is fuelled with rage from an argument and especially when she is running late at the expense of losing said argument.

You step to the side to let most of the crowd pass, but as the corridors empty you feel yourself getting confused about where you were going. You catch a glimpse of your science partners leather messenger bag, and watercolour eyes and you nod to yourself, science, you're sure you've got a science next... but which one? Probably Chemistry, you'll settle for Chemistry.

"You're getting all turned around again," comes a voice from behind you. You turn and the familiar face of Inej Ghafa, is closer than you expected it to be. Inej is one of The Dregs like Kaz, you hated that name, but High School will be as High School will be and names like that sort of stuck. They called them The Dregs because they were scholarship students who couldn't afford to be in the school without the scholarship, 'Dregs Of Society' as a senior had not so politely explained to you one day when you were fresh in and dumb enough to ask. You nearly jump out of your skin, seeing here so close to you, without sensing her at all. She has a tendency to do that, so light on her feet, petite and so quiet. You have often wondered if the ability to walk unheard came first or if it was something she had learned from being a gymnast. If the acrobatics came naturally and the silence was learned, you're not sure which would be more impressive. Inej is simply a marvel, her scholarship is based on her gym skills and you would never doubt why, you've never seen someone able to preform with such confidence and prowess as her. But more than that, it's her heart you've noticed most, so quiet and yet so endlessly kind.

"Am I?" you ask her. She nods.

"You have English," she tells you, pointing towards the arts block.

"I have Chemistry," you say quickly but Inej shakes her head.

"No you had Chemistry last semester in this time slot on a Thursday," she corrects you, "now you have English."

You pause, but you realise she is right. You don't bother questioning how she knows that, one of the things you were quick to learn about Inej was she seemed to know everything about everyone, it came with the quietness you guessed, that she can hear and learn everything about everyone while no one even notices she's there. You wonder if that's what Kaz sees in keeping her so close, but then again based on the way the boy looks at her, you'd guess that was something else.

You turn to thank her but she has already disappeared from sight.

You're not late but you are cutting it close when you make your way to your seat. Nina, who you know relatively well from the short time you spent in the drama department last year, at her own coaxing, throws you a smile. "Pass this back to the pretty one?" she asks, handing you a note.

You glance over your shoulder and you don't need to ask who she means, you should have guessed. Matthias is looking even less eager to be in this class than you feel, but you don't blame him. For an exchange student Matthias doesn't seem to be thrilled to be here at all, most of the time, except when he is with Nina, which he is every moment he has the opportunity to be.

Every time you hear him speak it is to tell Nina that something she is doing is improper, and where he grew up that would've never been allowed, and yet every time you see him he is staring at her with a look in his eyes that could make you believe in love all on its own.

"Please?" Nina asks, fluttering those long beautiful eyelashes at you. You've never seen anyone say no to Nina Zenik, it might not be at all possible.

"Of course Nina," you tell her and hand the note back. Matthias frowns, and you can see the thoughts bubbling to the surface. He mumbles something about etiquette and respect for educators and then recognises Nina's handwriting and stops his grumbling.

"I think I am winning him over yet," she grins before turning back to the front of class. Nina was studying to be a nurse, but after a particularly rough semester switched carer plans and now intends to be a mortician, most of her bubbliness has come back to her, but it's clearest enough when she has the blonde in her eyeline, he truly brings out the best in her.

You find yourself tuning out most of the lesson, which you know you shouldn't, your Literature teacher is old enough that you feel like you should be able to get away with not paying attention, but you know she sees everything, and you're more than a little convinced everyone is afraid of her. So you're knocked sick immediately when Miss Morozova asks you to stay behind as the class is finishing up. You hope for a moment you might have misheard her, but her cold eyes on you is confirmation that you didn't.

She beckons you to the desk with a flick of her wrist and you approach, wondering what misstep you took, but she just slides your previous paper across the wood at you, and you see your mark and goose bumps spread through your skin. Fuck.

"You're going to fail," she tells you. She has never had a knack for encouragement or being gentle with her students.

"That is not what I had hoped," you admit. She laughs, it's a cold type of laugh, all apathy and disappointment.

"Not about hope child, it's about application and effort, I am not sure if you're missing the point or if you are not trying to see the point at all, either way you're not getting where you need to be," she shuffles a few papers, "so I have assigned you a tutor, hopefully that should fix your shortcomings, if not you will fail this class."

"A tutor?" you ask, the cold feeling just continues to spread through your body. Please not Zoya, please not Zoya. You don't doubt she is good at it, you've seen the turn around of Zoya's tutoring, but she intimidates you if you're honest and you don't think that is optimal for your learning. "Who?"

"Tolya Yul Bataar," she says, not bothering to look at you, "I have already informed him, the rest he will sort out, you're dismissed."

"Tolya?" you ask. You hadn't thought about it, you know he is in the advanced class, but you'd never given it much thought. Always seen the jock first, which isn't surprising, his education likes to focus on his sports, they treat his twin sister Tamar the same. Their skills making your school highest in competitive sports, it makes the school want to focus on their athletics. But you're a little annoyed at yourself for not even thinking about it.

You've thought about Tolya more than enough to have justified thinking about his academics. But the slight crush you've had on the athlete who stands taller than you can reason and with arms you're convinced could move mountains, you have had time to think about him.

You had lunch with his sister once, just the once. Tamar is nowhere near as tall as her brother, with short cropped hair which is a contrast to Tolya's own, but her strength is just like his, even for her size she is fierce and unrelenting. She looks like she could fuck you up, and you know she has the power behind her to back that up, and she would, and is willing to if the need arises. Her girlfriend Nadia had also been present at that lunch and you'd wanted to talk more than you had. Tamar was a type of brave you often wanted to be, unapologetic in her braveness, equal parts bark and bite.

You don't try asking anymore questions, you're pretty eager to get out the classroom that you walk straight into the corridor, not thinking to look around you, and are met by a leaning Tolya, who is rested up against the notice board beside the door. If normally he makes your heart skip a few beats, seeing him waiting for you nearly makes your heart stop. You tell yourself that's a fear response, but you know you're lying. "Tolya," you say breathing a little too heavily.

"I didn't take you for the flunking English type," he smiles at you, "but then again how well do you know a person?"

You smile, trying to not blush too deeply and give yourself entirely away. "I didn't know I was flunking," you admit.

"That isn't reassuring," he says, but he isn't criticizing you, you know criticism when you see it.

"It wasn't supposed to be."

"I am sure we can fix it up, I am... fond of prose."

You're supposed to be studying Remains by Simon Armitage, but even in his tutoring state, you can tell Tolya is finding the poem just as painful as you are. You don't want to be difficult, you don't mean to be, you're stressed about the fact you're going to flunk English Lit, and you know Tolya wants to help. But this poem is driving your attention elsewhere, and in an attempt to not stare at the large, pretty, tutor doing his best to go through themes with you, you let your eyes wander around the library.

Jesper Fahey, the lean theatre student with the true talent for dramatics in every aspect of his life, right down to the way he is dressed with bejewelled collar pins and matching cufflinks, is leaning over your chemistry partner, giving him that smile you recognise. Jesper has always been a flirt, and he never misses the mark, you've seen him flirt with nearly everyone around, but he only ever gives Wylan those eyes. You'd seen it first the day Wylan has suggested pyrotechnics for one of their next play, the same day Jesper tried to pitch Rocky Horror, they were a strange match, but perfectly matched in their strangeness. You especially liked Wylan, as your partner in the sciences you spent enough time with him to know that he is so smart, the kind of smart that makes your head spin, he could be a scholarship student, but he actually is a Legacy, not that you'd know it by looking at him, or talking to him. He doesn't really talk about his family, and you never pushed, knowing he runs the tech for the drama kids and can make homemade fireworks is a decent amount of know about a person.

"Am I boring you?" Tolya asks, his voice soft.

"No," you chuckle, "but I won't lie Simon Armitage is, maybe to death."

Tolya offers you a chuckle in response. "In honesty, I would like to say there is credit in all poetry, and I think there is, something for everyone, but I am inclined to agree this is no Keats," Tolya concedes.

"Or Wordsworth, or even Larkin," you add. He smiles.

"So you do like poetry?" he asks. You frown.

"Did I leave you with the impression I didn't?" you ask. He tilts his head, and he looks so unreasonably large in that blue library seat that you bite your tongue to not giggle at it.

"I had to read your previous paper to prep," he says, "you made it sound like poetry was the lowest form of art."

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that, maybe that poem," you joke, "but not all poetry."

"So, what poems do you like?" he asks, closing the book.

"What poems do you like, I didn't take you for the type," you give that preconception willingly, hoping to dismiss it quickly, and get his true interests locked into memory in a hope to know him better.

"All muscle and no appreciation for art?" he asks. You shrug.

"I never thought you were only muscle," you say, "you've got height too."

He laughs a little too loud for the library but you're too busy smiling to care. "I like classic poetry, epic prose," he admits.

"Iliad?" you ask. He grins.

"Yeah, Homer is up there," he nods, "also The Cantos."

"Oh is that... Ezra Pound?" you check, genuinely unsure if you're right but the gleam in his eyes tells you that you are before his words do.

You sit for a while, swapping favourites and preferences and you don't hear the sound of the bell ringing, calling you to classes, you just keep listening to Tolya reciting from memory and you think you could listen to that forever.

"I hate to pull you away," comes a voice anyone would recognise. You look up and the resident Lantsov, Nikolai with his puppy grin and sparkling eyes is looking at Tolya, "but you are very late."

Tolya glances at the time, as long in you as you were in him, and gets up a little too quickly. "I lost track of time," he admits.

"I can see that," Nikolai spares you a glance, and smiles back at his friend. Nikolai is charming, charming in all the ways a politician might be without half the deceit and double the bravado. Handsome in the way that he knows he is handsome and leans on it, but doesn't rely on it solely like people as pretty as he often do. But it works for him, and you understand where it comes from. Lantsov is a Legacy student, which gets him a lot of allowances, but his older brother got expelled a few years back and he has been under a lot of pressure to not fuck up like Vasily did. So he goes the extra mile, does the extra work, head boy, and boy scout all in one, just to fix what his brother broke. The new girl Alina is hovering not far behind, Nikolai took a liking to her immediately, she looks lost in this place, she got in on a scholarship for a sport she didn't play and has been trying to juggle everything ever since. But she mostly talks about missing home, she has a boy back at her old school, a boy her heart aches at the absence of. Usually that sort of thing is a lie, but the way she talks about him, you would never doubt, you're not sure of his name, you've heard it once or twice, Hal, Mal maybe, you don't let your mind linger on the thought.

"I have to go, but I promise to meet you here tomorrow?" Tolya asks you, bringing you back to the library and out of your mind.

"I'll be here," you say. You watch the three of them walk away, the twins have been close to Nikolai as long as you've known any of them, thick as thieves and twice as protective of one another. You can admire a friendship like that.

"And the final stanza, ending with that imagery," Tolya is trying so very hard to stay on topic, but you are tapping your fingers across a very old copy of Odyssey and he knows you're trying to pull his attention away, and you know it's working.

"or six-feet-under in desert sand, but near to the knuckle, here and now, his bloody life in my bloody hands," you recite. "I know Tolya, it is ingrained in my mind I promise you."

"If you fail the next essay you won't be stuck with me anymore, you'll be failed," Tolya reminds you.

"I am very aware of my predicament," you straighten up, "fail and well fail, or succeed and be told the tutoring is effective and I must continue to spend these hours with you."

The way you tease him makes him want to forget the studying all together and just keep you in his company for longer, without explanation or reason beyond just wanting you there.

"This is such torture for you, isn't it?" He asks, not meaning a word.

"Not in the slightest," you confess. "My favourite part of the day, and not just because you bring really good snacks."

"I do," he agrees reaching to take a biscuit from the centre of the table. "Are you coming to the game?"

The question strikes you as odd, you have spent weeks with Tolya and you've discussed art and music and poetry at length, but you've avoided talking sports, you thought because he had wanted not to talk about it, but with this question you wonder if maybe you've been negligent in not asking him about that aspect of his life. If you've come across as uninterested in the athletics and dismissive because of it, and that thought fills you with an uncomfortable nervousness.

"I hadn't been planning on," you say slowly, "should I?"

"It's going to be a good game," he says, "a competitive one." You nod, trying to seem more enthusiastic than you're sure how to be about sports. "It's an important game," he admits, "and I would... like to have you there, if you want to come?"

"Are you asking me to come watch your game?" you ask, twiddling your pencil between your fingers. He smiles.

"Yeah, I kind of am," he admits, "is that okay?"

"Yeah," the blush creeps up your neck but has the respect to stay away from your cheeks, weeks alongside Tolya you've had to train yourself to blush more subtly, "I'd like that."

Genya and Nina are both fussing over Zoya in preparation for the game, Genya because she wants to be beautician and it is helpful, Nina because it's her prerogative to get involved wherever she wants to. Seeing Genya and Zoya be so friendly with one another is still a little unnerving, due to a not so friendly rumour about Genya and a teacher Genya had been the subject of a lot of hate from the girls at school. Zoya was among them. But the last year has brought everyone a lot closer, and everyone has become a lot more understanding, and Zoya with the help of Alina went around getting Mr Kirigan fired for his unprofessional behaviour, that which they could prove anyway. Genya weathered the worst of it all, and she never seemed to shake.

"Genya if you do not stop fussing me," Zoya warns her, but it's coming from a softer place than her normal warning tone. Zoya holds a lot of guilt when it comes to Genya, about not defending her, about not believing her, about not protecting her from the rumours.

Even Zoya had her fair share of rumours, the real reason as to why she doesn't date, the way her eyes linger moments too long on a pretty girl in the hallway, but again, you didn't like to put too much stock into rumours.

Genya twirls one of her red tendrils around her hand, trying to keep them off Zoya's long dark hair which she has pulled up into a ponytail. "Can I at least-,"

"No," Zoya says sternly. "David, please come get your girlfriend."

David, the reed thin brunette who rarely understands half of what is going on around him, looks up from the book he is reading, something on geology and metallurgy, to look at Genya who gives him a sweet smile, and he gives her a little wave, not having heard exactly what Zoya said. David and Genya are high school sweethearts, the type that you're not even aware you are rooting for at first, but at some point you realise the happiness of their relationship is the thing you are basing your idea of true love on.

"You're coming tonight right?" Nina asks you, throwing you a look across the room, you hadn't realised she noticed you being there, between trying to keep Genya from trying to colour Zoya's hair and Zoya from trying to kill Genya with a look.

"To the game?" Genya turns her eyes to you and they're glistening with anticipation. "I didn't realise you found your school spirit."

"I was invited," you explain.

"Yeah, by a tree with the muscles of a Saint," Nina quips giving you a wink. "I don't think it's school spirit they've found."

"Tolya?" Genya asks, tone shifting up a pitch with her eagerness.

"Don't say it like that," you say. Genya leans up on her elbows, resting her pretty face over her crossed hands.

"Like what?" she asks.

"Like," you gesture to her in her entirety, "like that, like you think you know something I don't know."

"If your truly flunking Lit, I think we all know something you don't know," Zoya says, "now can we get this show on the road, I cannot and will not be late."

"Ignore her," Nina mouths, "she's just cranky because... well because she is Zoya."

The air is brisk but you don't feel cold as you walk towards the field, you see Brekker underneath the bleachers talking with someone you don't recognise, but you pretend not to see anything.

Wylan has his arms around Jesper's neck in the back of the stands, and he looks less lost and more found. Matthias and Nina are bickering by the food queue about how acceptable sweet toppings are on savoury foods and she is too wrapped up in her fun game of wind up Matthias to see your wave, but you don't mind.

Zoya has corralled the cheerleaders and they're all pretty ready, Alina is staring trying not to get roped into anything as one of the cheerleaders in blue tries to tell her how good cheer is for the spirit.

Nikolai is trying to convince Zoya of something but you're not sure what, but you are at least sure it isn't working.

You are brought out of your people watching by feeling a presence close to your side, you turn your head and Inej is walking in stride. "Tolya is looking for you," she says, and you expect her to disappear into nothing as quickly as she appears, but she doesn't. She is a girl after all, not a ghost.

"When does the game start?" you ask.

"You have time," she assures you. She points south and you follow that guidance, and you see Tamar leaning on the gate, she is talking with some of the other players, and she looks so at home. It would be hard to believe there was a time when Tamar had to argue her way onto the team, given how much she has to offer.

Tamar gets a warning for cursing with enthusiasm and you cannot help but chuckle. If the other team wants a fight, they will definitely find one with her. You're about to ask if someone has seen Tolya when you feel the shadow casting across your shoulder.

"I'll get them back," Tamar is insisting.

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much," Tolya quotes, standing beside you. Tamar throws her brother an unamused look.

"Oscar Wilde," you say craning your neck up to look at Tolya. He looks different in his sporting kit, but his hair is still held back the same, and his arms are still exposed to the cold air, just not with rolled up sleeves this time. Looking at him makes you feel cold, and you want to ask him how he isn't.

"You're shivering," he points out.

"I am?" you ask, glancing down at your own body, "I hadn't expected it to be so cold."

"Here," Tolya reaches behind him into a bag and pulls out a jersey, it's for the team and is sporting his number on the back, he hands it to you with one hand. "So you're warm."

You take it slowly, mind racing with the many implications of such a small, kind gesture, and you don't want to jump the gun with this, with him. "Thank you," you manage, slipping the fabric over your shoulders. "I didn't even realise you had one of these."

"Everyone on the team has one," he says.

"No, a jacket," you tease, "you never wear one."

He shrugs. "I don't get cold," he explains, looking around to see how quickly he needs to make his way to the field.

"Then why did you carry it with you?" you ask. The jersey smells like Tolya, from being in his bag you'd guess, and you feel a weight in the side pocket, reaching in you find a small packet of dried mango. You let yourself smile at that.

"I've got to run," he says, "wish me luck?"

"Break a leg," you say, "or is that just something you say for theatre?"

"I'll take it," he says before joining the team.

You'd not given the sports of your school too much thought, but watching Tolya play you must admit you weren't giving the sport aspect much thought even now. You cheer for Tolya, not the game, you're watching Tolya, not the game. If anyone asked you what was happening you're not sure you'd be able to offer more than this name.

If you had any doubts about your schools victory they would have been quickly squashed by the victory cries from Tamar, all fervour and for more expletives than the coach is happy for there to be. She gets a whistle of a warning and a stern look which she just brushes off, letting her brother pull her into a hug.

You are leaning on the fence, which you hadn't noticed until now, with Tolya approaching you. The field is lower set than the stands but Tolya still feels very tall as he gets closer. You can understand why Nina described him as treelike. "Good game," you say. The warmth of his jersey on your skin feeling as secure as that embrace you watched him give Tamar, and it leaves you reaching out for him with eager thoughts and hesitant hands. You tuck them deep into your pockets- his pockets, trying not to give yourself away.

"Thank you," he says, the adrenaline in his smile is dizzying. "Thank you for coming by the way, it means a lot."

"Thank you for inviting me," you say. You want to say more, you want to find the words for this feeling, this gentle buzzing that is sparking between the two of you.

"Ask her you coward," Tamar calls from her place now sat next to Nadia, straddling the bench of a lower section of the bleachers, sharing a milkshake with her girlfriend.

Tolya laughs. "I made a bet with my sister, if we win I had to take that win, and take a risk," he says, and for someone so tall he looks so nervous. "And we won."

"You did," you nod, "quite well I think."

"Really well," he admits, laughter echoing in the spaces between the words.

"So what risk?" you ask, feeling yourself leaning onto your toes, needing to know, feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

"I was wondering if you'd like to see me, outside of school hours?" he asks.

"Like now?" you ask, trying to keep the smile at bay. He tilts his head in a nod.

"Yeah, like now, but maybe more... just us," he says. You feel like you might fall down but you can't help but tease him.

"For studying?" you ask. He can tell you're playing with him.

"No," he says, "not for studying."

"Are you trying to ask me on a date Tolya?"

"I am trying."

"I would like that, I would like that a lot."

57 notes · View notes

burntblueberrywaffles · 7 months

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15 questions for 15 friends

thank you to @nerdonabullettrain for tagging me!

Are you named after anyone?

When was the last time you cried?

~today~ (but dont let that fool you this is not a regular occurence I can sometimes go months without crying lmao)

Do you have kids?

NO AND I DON'T WANT TO

What sports do you play/ have you played?

I sometimes play badminton for fun ^^

Do you use sarcasm?

a regular amount I think LOL

What's the first thing you notice about people?

the face? the clothes? idk 😭

What's your eye colour?

Brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

HAPPY ENDINGS PLS I am so easily scared I can't do any horror and when something has a sad ending I will quite literally never get over it lmao (side glance at the sw prequels and tbosas)

Any talents?

One of my brags is I do believe I'm really talented in multiple areas, I’ve literally won several poetry competitions, my art is great, my edits fuck and I’m great at making memes what else do you need 😎

Where were you born?

Quebec, Canada 😎

What are your hobbies?

painting and drawing (with every medium I can get my hands on, rn I'm going wild with linocut hehehe), crochet, crossstich, making edits, writing, baking, reading (mostly fanfic), tumblr (yes this counts as a hobby shush);;; I haven’t in a long while but I sometimes play the piano and ukulele as well

Do you have any pets?

no :((( I miss my baby I was literally working on a portrait of him today 🥺🥺

I want to get another dog so baddddd but my parents are having the kitchen completely redone in a few months which means we'll have to move out for a few months and we decided those changes would be too stressful for a puppy, so I gotta wait 😭😪

How tall are you?

1,70 m

Favourite subject in school?

Math, art and literature

Dream job?

idk;;;;;;;; none of the things I like to do seems viable so at this point I really just want a job that I don’t dislike and that pays me enough to engage in all my little hobbies lol

Gonna tag: @realmermaid333 @nonamemanga @realisticintentions @unlifeira @kpchrs @crazyexshiper @suchaladyy @dazedconfused-stonedamused @witchysith @megala-theia-praxidike @fangeek-girl @darkacademiaburnout @diamantdog and @dam-bluecookies !

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sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare · 1 year

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A Poet Could Not But Be Gay — part 2

Part 1

Pairing: college!au Ellie Williams x f!reader

summary: You and Ellie text after you like her post and see each other in class again. You talk to each other, slowly growing closer.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: mutual pining, reader has no rizz, anxiety, English class

a/n: M (minors and men) DNI, please! Y'all I can't believe you guys gave me 34 notes on my first-ever fic!!! I'm literally on top of the world and it really motivated me to write another chapter so here it is!! 😁

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Ellie Williams: Hey stalker (;

You were frozen. Your breath had caught in your throat and you felt your entire body burning up as though you'd throw up at any second. Your phone screen had gone black by then and you only had time to blink before another notification came in.

Ellie Williams added you as a friend.

Finally, you were able to breathe. What the fuck is happening!? you thought. She has to be playing some kind of prank on me 'cause no one should be this cool about a random girl like a — how old was it? 5-week-old picture!

You decided that the best thing to do was to respond. She already knew you were online and you would only look more guilty if you ignored her. Ellie had caught you red-handed, sure, but she didn't need to know why you were looking her up. You started typing, probably taking way longer than you should to write a simple text.

you: hey! sorry i was just struggling with the homework and youre the only person i knew from that class so i looked you up

you: how are you handling the last minute assignment she sent us?

Really? A double text seconds after I was caught stalking her? I'm fucking dead. Every second that passed by felt like an hour. You were biting your nails, staring at the screen impatiently. She hadn't even seen it yet and you felt like she was judging you through the phone. After one minute, she opened the chat and started typing. Looking at those three taunting dots, you couldn't help but imagine all the texts she could be writing. Nightmarish thoughts were flying through your brain when her text finally appeared.

Ellie Williams: Oh fuck I hadn't even seen that email! What kind of psychopath of a teacher sends an assignment at 6pm?

You let out a relieved sigh, thankful she hadn't asked any questions regarding your lie. Your shaking thumbs started typing but you received another text.

Ellie Williams: And who even has a favourite poem to write 500 words about

Ellie Williams: Well you definitely do

You had to read that twice. She remembers about my poem. Your small smile grew into a grin, and the little exhale from your nose grew into a fit of giggles. You rolled onto your back before remembering you had to answer her.

you: im glad i was able to tell you about the assignment! and yeah i have a favourite poem and i absolutely LOVE telling people about it but i know how scatterbrained i can be so idk if ill be able to make sense

The two of you texted back and forth for a few minutes but your shyness held you back and your conversation eventually dwindled. After several minutes of radio silence on both ends, your phone vibrated again.

Ellie Williams: Well I'm gonna start writing that paper but I'll see you on Wednesday!

you: good luck with that!

you: cant wait to see you again :)

You held your breath, frightened by your boldness.

Ellie Williams: Don't miss me too much (;

You honestly thought you could have died at that moment. And there was that winking face again. You couldn't believe your clumsy mistake had led you to have an actual conversation! Outside of school! Sure it was mainly about your shared class but now it felt more personal. She wasn't just "Ellie, the hot girl from my poetry class" anymore. She was Ellie Williams, the charming girl you'd met in class and befriended and fell in love with and moved in with and married and — ok now. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I don't even know her favourite colour yet. I don't even know if she likes girls, let alone me!

You decided that the best thing for you to do now was to focus on your assignment. It wouldn't take very long but at least it would keep your mind occupied for a little while.

Though the poem was about the beauty of nature and all it has to offer, you couldn't help but relate every verse to Ellie.

"they / Out-did the sparkling waves in glee" Ellie outdoes everyone and everything. There was not a single thing you could think of that you would rather look at than Ellie. There was no sound you'd rather hear than her laugh and no word you'd rather read than hers. I'm so fucking gay, it's ridiculous, you thought.

Some verses you felt rather poetic about, while others felt like they were describing the slight gay panic you'd had upon first seeing her, "I gazed — and gazed — but little thought". That's exactly how you'd felt. You'd stared at her sheer beauty and focused on nothing but her. The only thing you could remember from your time staring at her was the warmth that had formed in your belly and the tingling in your face.

You had known this girl for barely 8 hours and you could already see her in everything. Fuck, this is gonna hurt.

-------------------------------------

Tuesday was somewhat uneventful. You'd been awoken by your alarm once again and had rolled over to check your phone. You were barely awake when you saw that Ellie had changed your name on messenger to "y/n🌸". Has she been thinking about me? you thought with a grin plastered to your face. Before you had time to overthink, you quickly changed her name to "Ellie 😉".

Neither of you texted the other again until Wednesday. It was a cool and cloudy day meaning everything had grey undertones and you refused to let yourself darken because of some stupid clouds. That's why you chose to wear your long sleeve, bright yellow shirt underneath short, green overalls.

The sky might be grey and sad but I'm looking like a ray of fucking sunshine! you told yourself in the mirror. The colour you wore made you feel invincible, as though you could conquer the world and make it bright again.

Eventually, after an interminable lecture, you were sat at your seat in your and Ellie's shared class, awaiting the girl herself. To busy yourself, you started taking out your books and laptop, putting your pens neatly out onto your side of the desk. While you were distracted, Ellie walked into the class.

Ellie's thoughts

Ellie's mind was racing, trying to figure out what to say to you when she saw you. She knew she would say hi; that was a given. But what then? She didn't want to just be an acquaintance to you. She wanted to be on your mind as much as you were on hers, which was constantly. Dreams of you consumed her nights which she loved until she woke up and realized you had barely talked to each other.

When she walked into the classroom, she nearly froze in the doorframe. Of course, she thought, on a gross day like this, she has to look like a ray of fucking sunshine. It was as though you were trying to make her fall head over heels for you.

When she started walking normally again, your head popped up and a genuine smile graced your lips. Ellie felt like the Earth had stopped spinning and smiled back with false confidence. She sat down next to you and told you her scripted, "Hi," in her usual, honeyed voice, adding an improvised, "how you doing?", proud she hadn't stumbled over her words.

"Hi," you answered, voice quieter than hers, "I'm doing pretty good. I actually finished the assignment on time, so the semester's off to a good start!" you said with a laugh.

Ellie laughed back, happy you had initiated a topic so she would get to keep talking with you. "Wow! Three whole days in and no late assignments yet! I'm extremely impressed." she replied, the glee evident in her tone.

You giggled and said, "You should be!"

There was a beat of silence and she was scared you had run your conversation to its course before it had even started. Then you surprised her by asking, "How have you been?"

She looked up at you, taking a few seconds to admire every line and curve in your face. "Oh, you know," she said, "I've been busier now that school started up again but I've been good." She paused for a second and continued, "I haven't been too busy to figure it out though."

A smile crept onto your face and she thanked her lucky stars that she'd kept talking. "Figure what out?" you asked.

With slightly shaking hands she hoped you wouldn't notice, she reached out to your arm and pushed up the sleeve of your shirt to reveal the tattoo you'd shown her. "This," she said looking back up, her eyes boring into yours, "It's Wordsworth right?" You nod and she goes on, "That's a sick name for a poet. I read the poem and I have to say, you've got some good taste, pretty girl." The name just slipped out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and she noticed your smile falter. She pulled away from your arm.

She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure but you spoke before she could, "I feel like with a name like that, he couldn't really go into any other profession, you know." you laughed dryly, clearly trying to ease the tension.

She laughed the same dry laugh and let out a quiet, "Yeah, he had to go into writing."

Luckily, your awkward moment only lasted a short time and Ellie was saved from any further embarrassment as your professor began her lecture.

About 30 minutes into the lecture, Ellie was flipping the pages of her textbook like crazy, trying to find the poem the class was discussing. She figured you had noticed her struggling because you tapped her on the arm and whispered the page number. She thanked you and started flipping to that page. In doing so, however, a page managed to slice through her skin, causing her to flinch and immediately suck on her cut.

She was cursing the paper when you tapped her arm again. She turned to you, finger still between her lips. You gave her a small smile and lifted something in your hand, "Do you need a bandaid?" you whispered. How could she say no when you were looking at her like that, big doe eyes full of concern.

She took her finger out of her mouth and agreed with a low, "Sure". Before she could do anything else, you grabbed her hand and wrapped the bandaid around her injured finger. Ellie could only stare at you, marveling at the care you gave to such a minor cut. "Thanks, y/n" she whispered. She thought she may have caught a glimpse of a blush on your cheeks but you had turned your head too quickly for her to tell for sure.

When she picked up her pen, she got her first good look at what you'd wrapped around her finger and laughed to herself. Of fucking course this personified beam of sunlight would carry around flower bandaids. I'm never taking this off. she thought as she admired her finger.

Back to your thoughts

You were looking up front but your mind was nowhere near whatever subject the professor was talking about. I touched Ellie! you though. Not the other way around! I touched her arm and then her hand! I'm gonna pass out. You were ecstatic, to say the least. You couldn't wait to call Taylor and tell her everything that happened during this second class with Ellie.

Soon enough, the class ended and you started packing your books. You got up, still giddy from excitement, and got ready to say goodbye to Ellie. She stood up after a few moments and spoke first, "So I was thinking," she said, her usual confidence seemingly vanished, "if you wanted to study or do assignments for this class, I'm free in the afternoon on Thursdays. We could meet in the library if you want. Or not even necessarily for this class, like, we could study for any class together if that was something you were interested in."

You gave her a quick open-mouthed smile. "Yeah!" you beamed, "Yeah that definitely sounds good. I know a secret spot in the library nobody ever goes to so we won't even need to worry about other people."

"Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow then."

You both hesitated a little before moving to leave the classroom, and then again in the hallway, not sure of where the other was going. Seemingly amused by this, judging by the smirk on her face, Ellie put her hand on the small of your back, guided you in the direction you'd been headed in, and walked backward in the opposite direction.

"Bye, pretty girl!"

-------------------------------------

Part 3

a/n: I got a little carried away in this one... Did you see how much touching there was! Whoo, that was borderline smut! But I told you there would be more talking! Also, I am obsessed with Romantic poetry, specifically William Wordsworth so sorry if there was too much of him in this chapter but I really love his work! You guys should all read "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud". It's a really short poem that may or may not have made me shed a tear. Anyway, leave any ideas you have for this story in the comments! I can't wait to see what you think!!

ps: lemme know if you wanna get tagged in the next one!

tags: @lonelyfooryouonly

#tlou #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x f!reader #wlw #lesbian #wlw fluff #college!ellie williams #not gonna lie this is the best thing I've ever written in my life

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wackus-bonkus-maximus · 11 months

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20 questions for fic writers

i'm very late but thank you so much for the tags @chocoluckchipz, @kasienda, @ladyofthenoodle, @lesbitorte, @rosie-b, and @bittersweetresilience (and if i missed anybody who did tag me i'm sorry! this post is dedicated to you in spirit <3)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

somehow it's up to 26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

somehow it's up to 307,102

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug right now, but i've had some lockwood & co ideas spinning ever since i finished the show and books!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

one does not love breathing

what makes a monster

this is how you lose him

keys to the kingdom

like smoke from a furnace

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes i try to respond to all! and i think this might be why odnlb and lies of attrition have more comments than kudos now... or it's just my wackus touch :3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think it's rest your head (upon my shoulder) - but only because i know what happens after! i might write a follow up someday to fix that...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i had to think about this because i tried really hard to make the ending for odnlb worth all the angst and the happiest of all. but i think the truest happy ending goes to like smoke from a furnace 💛

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've gotten some salt, some mean bookmarks, and exactly ONE hate comment on don't be a stranger (which i keep there as a badge of honor 🤩). but other than that people have been really respectful to me and supportive of my writing. it makes me really happy to be part of this community!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no, it's not for me. i stay off nsfw tags/ channels too.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

ooh i distinctly remember writing a sonny with a chance/ wizards of waverly place crossover when i was a middle schooler on ff.net and thinking i was very clever.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES. back on ff.net 😔

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had a request for odnlb to be translated, but idk what happened with that!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!

ephialtes/reverie with @bittersweetresilience, @ninadove, @paracosmicat, @trishacollins, and @ultear-tigra.

atm i have lies of attrition in-progress with @ladyofthenoodle!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

ahhh i have to pick?? i'm still very weak for raven x beast boy from teen titans 💜💚

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

quitting is for quitters.

16. What are your writing strengths?

plotting and action scenes. i get a lot of compliments on those!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

poetry, stream of consciousness. i feel like my dialogue could be better a lot of the time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if it serves a narrative purpose, keep it! best examples i can think of is the spanish in blood meridian by joseph conrad, and the soldiers speaking czech in saving private ryan.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

👻 danny phantom! 💚

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

oh it's definitely odnlb. that was my practice fic for writing a novel - my own private test to see if i could do it. turns out i could.

tagging @sizzleissues, @erisluna35, and @narukoibito - no pressure ofc!

#tag game #20 questions for fic writers #ml fanfic #writing

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pebblysand · 1 year

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Hi pebblysand, I hope your week is going well!

From the Ask Game: #11, and #14 please.

helloo! thank you! i hope you're doing well too!

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

idk if these are favourites, but these are three fics i recently read for the first time and really enjoyed:

the triumph of magic by miniequill (odainath) (harry/hermione ; <5k ; AU) After Ron abandons them, Harry and Hermione take on the challenge of finding and destroying the Horcruxes. HHr.

i often feel like i have this strange parasocial relationship with odainath (although we've never talked) because they have been in literally every fandom i have been in at some point or other (including the most niche ones) and they are an incredible writer. i was super stoked to find out they had HP fics as well, and of course you know that i'm a sucker for a good harry/hermione story. i found this one very intriguing - the writing is gorgeous as always, and i was very much vibing this.

perpendicular by akissinacrisis (it's tagged hinny but i'd say gen ; <5k ; AU) Tom props himself up on his elbow. ‘So, let me get this straight: you’re falling in love with a posh redhead from boarding school who doesn’t own a telephone.’ AU: Harry Potter, member of Stonewall High’s sixth form, meets a pretty redhead at a party. Harry/Ginny, rated Teen+, oneshot.

this is a very interesting squib!harry take unlike anything i've ever seen before. the writing in this was absolutely stellar - i laughed at times, but was also taken by the overall gorgeous heartbreak of this. it's funny, although i totally respect how the author ended it (and understand why they end it that way), it's one of those where i almost wish it could have gone on longer/explored the alternative ending. it would have been a very different (and probably much longer fic) but i would love to see someone write it.

orchards by @whinlatter (hinny ; <20k ; CC) The orchard is a wild, thousand-flower, crumpled-gate, fall-down-fence sort of place, where things grow that you’ve never asked for, that you’d never expect. The summer of ’96, the story of something flowery he thought he might have smelled at the Burrow. Canon-compliant, oneshot, summer between OotP and HBP. Non-linear narrative, flashbacks/flash-forwards to DH. Harry/Ginny.

if you gravitate anywhere close to the hinny fandom, you will know that everyone and their cousin has been recommending this fic since it came out - let me tell you: everyone and their cousin are right. it took me a while to get to it but this is one of the most beautiful hinny one-shots out there. the writing is stellar - i left a comment to whinlatter after i read it that went over the AO3 character-count limit and was completely unhinged, and i am not sorry. if you haven't already, go read this. please and thank you.

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

you'd love it, right? if i could give you a formula.

as european as i am (please don't ever give us compliments, we don't know how to deal), i also think it would be highly hypocritical of me to sit here and be like "ohmygod, idk, i'm so shocked you'd ask me that!' i've been writing for seventeen years and if there is one thing that has always been consistent in my comment section from the very beginning is the fact that i seem to be able to make people feel things. there are writers who are incredibly good with words. gorgeous, gorgeous prose that reads like poetry. there are writers who are good with descriptions, scenery so vivid you can almost touch it. there are yet others who are good at giving you a feel for a time period in your life, describing childhood or adolescence or moving out of home for the first time. what i am good at, is this. the rawness and the gripping emotion that makes you forget how to breathe. i know some of it is healing for some people, too.

i don't think there's a formula for this. it's even harder for me to break it down especially because it's not something i've ever had to work on - i've always had it. ask me how i work on descriptions (which are very much not my forte), and i'll much more concrete advice to give you.

Do you draw from personal experiences? no, not really. i mean, i'm sure i do on some subconscious level, but i very rarely am like "oh, i felt this at x moment in my life, let me channel that". i've never studied psychology either, or done much research on how people react to certain things. for me, it's a gut feeling. it's a raw, instinctive understanding of people, and the human experience as a species. i don't pretend to have any formal expertise on this. i follow my gut, that's it. and, if you ask me: Do you ever feel what the characters feel? no, but i do feel something.

when i write something that works (emotionally works) i get this sense of indescribable peace in me. and this is true for moments that carry very dramatic emotions (think chapter 8 of castles) but also happy moments, like the roadtrip in chapter 16. for me, as a writer, these are exactly the same, in terms of how i feel when i'm writing them. and how i feel is like: nothing in the world exists anymore. i have no job, no family, no friends, no boy trouble, no concerns, no nothing. you know how, in chapter 16, the narration says: "he smiles like no one has ever died"? - yeah, that.

hours of just me and the words on the page. it's hard to put into words without sounding cheesy but i feel this sense of calm alignment with the universe. i'm not one for drugs but i think it's probably what a high feels like. have you ever been able to just empty your head? where you're in complete control and the chaos of the world cannot touch you? that, too.

and, generally, if i feel that, i know i'm onto something. i know that whatever i'm writing is working. generally, in that "state", hours can go by and i won't realise it. i'm writing, writing, writing and suddenly it's like - 5AM the next day. if i don't, that's when i'm like "shit, something's not working," and i have to work and work and rewrite and rewrite until i find a solution. until i feel that. so, while there's no formula i follow, i do get that writing "high" that sends me into the right direction.

and, for the record, that "high" is the only reason i write. like, sure, comments and feedback and the community are amazing and idk if would write *as much* as i do without them. i also 100% seek attention and validation, but i think if there wasn't also this sense of peace in me that came with it, i would probably find community in a different way. but, you know, i'm a bit of a drug addict. i'm sure if someone told you there is one thing that will bring you more peace, joy and sense of accomplishment than anything else in your life and sure you have to work for it, a lot, but once you're done, it'll be the highest, high you've ever been on, you'd sign up, too.

to me, writing (and this happens particularly in those emotional scenes you are referring to), is the absence of fear. it's the absence of anxiety. it's the absence of depression. it's the absence of worry. it's just pure calm and happiness. it may not be all those things for you as a reader (especially if i'm writing something tense lol), but it is for me. i don't think what i feel as a writer and what you feel as a reader are related, but they're definitely linked. and, when i feel one, i know you will feel the other.

and that maybe people will understand and benefit from what i am trying to say.

#asked and answered

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marley-manson · 9 months

Text

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by @majorbaby, thank you!

I'm tagging @beansterpie @undecimber-of-joy @hetakiba @ofdemonsandangels @yeehawkpierce @hawkfawun @nimuetheseawitch @ofmdmash @quordleona03 @pomegranate @actingcamplibrarian and anyone else who sees this and writes fic and wants to do it, please do and tag me.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

7 fics, 15 works if we're including vids.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

68,280 words!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mash and Berserk are the only fandoms I've ever finished fic in.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Refraction, Snowmelt, Presumed Dead (though that one may be off slightly because it got hit with a kudos bot for a couple hours before I privated it for a day :| Still, idt it's inflated by much), Army Style, and Under the Influence

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yep!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Toss up between Army Style and War Bonds, but they're both variations on the same theme of Hawkeye's friends dragging him into army conformity. Army Style is probably a little worse actually since I do subtly imply that his post-war life is impacted too.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Presumed Dead and Snowmelt are the ones that end with happily ever after vibes. Snowmelt might be the happiest just in contrast to the source material lol, plus Presumed Dead does have a reminder of the issues they still need to overcome, while I kinda breeze past those in Snowmelt.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my knowledge. Never gotten any mean comments.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have 2 fics I'd consider smutfics, but I don't think it's really my wheelhouse. I feel like I can write sex okay, but not when the point is just to be sexy. I'd classify the kind of smut I write as thematically driven lol, or character driven. I need there to be a point, even in basic smut, or I can't write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No lol I don't have the imagination for it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

idk! I still go back to Fraser/Vecchio every few years, my love for them just doesn't die for some reason. Griffguts definitely wins in terms of content I've created though, if you put all my meta about them together it's probably encylopedia length.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My apostle Guts concept. I'd love for it to exist in full, but I just don't think it's something I can write. Even if I have the ability, I don't have the drive or the creativity to expand it into a full longfic, which I think it needs to be.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at characterization and character voice. I've got a solid handle on grammar, and I think I'm decent at general flow with my prose. I feel like my fics are reasonably readable. And I can be funny imo. I also think my lack of ~poetic soul~ can be a strength, at least for myself, because I personally am not very into particularly poetic writing. I like concrete, in-the-moment action rather than more abstract vibes, and I think my writing reflects that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I'm bad at conveying emotion lol. Others have said that they found some of my fics effectively emotional and I'm very happy about that, but if so I think that's incidental of what I'm writing, rather than how I'm writing it. My lack of poetry here is maybe more of a flaw than a strength.

I also worry about my prose being dry, feeling like a slog to read, and/or ungrounded in descriptive detail. I'm inclined towards talking heads floating in a void exchanging dialogue and I have to work to add a sense of setting.

And I have a dismal work ethic lol. I write when and what the mood takes me, I can't sit and force myself to knock out a few hundred words. I have many wips going at once so that when inspiration for one dries up I can turn to another, but I often go long stretches without writing at all. It took me like 2 years to write Army Style.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Idk. I guess I'd say do it if it makes sense for the character and you speak the language or know someone who can effectively translate what you want to say, rather than relying on google translate? Though I feel like you shouldn't include a translation if you're doing this lol, unless it's like, a Discworld or Good Omens fic where end notes are part of the prose style and you're doing something funny with it. It's just clunky in terms of reading experience. Make the meaning obvious through context, or irrelevant but a bonus for multi-lingual readers. Or just use translation convention.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I guess it'd be Harry Potter lol, scribbling mary sue marauder-era fic ideas out in a notebook back when I was 12.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's Army Style. I'm still kinda coasting on a warm glow of pride for finishing it lol. It's the longest thing I've ever written, a fair amount of research went into it (albeit reading I was doing anyway because I enjoy it lol), and imo it's honestly pretty good as a Hawkbi character study that balances real history and Mash vibes. Better than I thought I'd ever be able to write a few years ago.

#ask meme #thanks!#btw i mean that about doing this if you want to and i haven't tagged you bc i always feel like i'm forgetting someone

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thetisming · 4 months

Note

since you asked me to answer all of thhe questions, you gotta answer all of the questions too!

💖 Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

probably zombie saga, although i also love 'i will vandalize your grave in your name', the 7+1 fic and some others that i think im forgetting. OH and 'we were staying in paris'

🎥 Pick a fic and I'll tell you the song I imagine playing during its movie trailer.

well this requires imput from other people. so.

but i'll choose zombie saga!! and the trailer song is Mamma Mia by ABBA. naturally

📝 How many words do you have posted?

approximately 162609

🤩 What's the most meaningful comment you've ever received?

that fucking ESSAY that Plankton wrote about iwvygiyn

🔮What's your favorite plot twist you've ever written?

ohh, this is an interesting one actually. definitely something in zombie saga but im not sure what!

👄 Your OTP are having their first kiss. What song do you imagine is playing?

THIS IS SO FUNNY AS A MUSICAL FAN. uh I Kissed A Girl. because that is what happens yeag

🎭What genre of writing comes easiest to you?

ANGST. it's so much easier than happy stuff lol it's like poetry for me

🙊Your coworkers or classmates stumble across one of your fics, but don't know you're the author. Do you fess up? Or keep quiet?

yeah i would tell them

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

"Go to sleep, Lance, and now that she’s gone you sleep with your mistakes" from my fic 'don't speak (i know just what you're saying)', but also many different things from (especially the second chapter of) iwvygiyn

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

@fen-the-magnificat !!!!!

👶Fankids: How you do you feel about them? Would your OTP have kids?

i dont have any fankids unless you count the Dubois brothers, but i think they're neat! i dont know if Frankie and May would have kids but they would be AMAZING parents, and i dont think Juliet and Romeo would have any. William and Anne already have kids, and Lance has kids too which make them Angelique's kids

🐗How do you handle trolls?

i havent had any trolls

🟥How long do you spend in edits?

like 5 minutes to skim over it when ive put it in ao3 idk

🏡What is your perfect writing envrionment?

uh. i dont fucking know

💪What motivates you to write?

someone needs to write about my blorbos!!!

🚿Where do your best ideas seem to strike?

well zombie saga happened because i sent some dumb asks to Felix, anything about the wedding happening just comes randomly, and iwvygiyn came from a page of the sandman!

🌠What are your top three most commonly used tags on AO3?

uhh okay i'll do top 3 for each ig??

ratings: general (39), teen & up (38), not rated (1)

warnings: no warnings (52), chose not to use warnings (14), major character death (12)

categories: other (61), multi (49), F/M (46)

fandoms: & Juliet (74), citc (27), community (16) (last two are crossovers with &j btw)

characters: Francois (59), May (54), Juliet (51)

relationships: Francois/May (61), Juliet/Romeo (41), Juliet & May (34)

additional: title from an ABBA song (19), zombie apocalypse (18), not beta read (9)

overall top 3 are & Juliet, maycois/other (lumping those together lol) and Francois

💻What do you write your stories on? Laptop, phone, paper, etc.

laptop and phone!

🤔What are some words or phrases you find yourself overusing?

'Francois snuggled (etc etc)', probably, among other things lol

📕How do you feel about people printing your fics?

yeah fuck it just dont claim it as your own tbh

🤷‍♀️What's a fic you didn't expect to be popular, but really took off?

honestly. none. my readers are 3 friends and my brother and they all love everything basically

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

sinhalese isnt very gendered at all! it was refreshing cause normally i use italian and french which are very gendered

🥘What wip are you most excited about?

ohh... i think the new saga chapters lol

🦗Do you write in sequence or jump around?

not sure what this means sorry

👀 Would you ever accept requests or commissions?

yeah!! i might not get to them but i will try (if it's a commission i definitely will though!)

😱What's your greatest fear as a fanfic writer?

the actors reading my fics.

☕Coffee or tea while you write?

neither i am dehydrated

📈Which are your top three most popular fics by bookmarks?

'they forever hold their peace', 'Flower Crowns & Royalty' and 'Glee!' all with three bookmarks

🎬One of your fics gets turned into a TV series. Which one is it and what network is it on?

ZOMBIE SAGA FOR SURE. idk what network though

🛌 What's a trope you haven't written, but want to?

there was only one bed probably

🐸 If you incorporated your OTP into a Disney movie plot, which would it be?

i dont know, i dont watch enough disney

👩‍🎓 Do you have an 'official' creative writing background such as a degree or previous experience publishing?

nope

⏳If you could go back in time and tell your younger writer self something, what would it be?

already answered

💯 What rating do you write the most? Gen Audiences, Teen, Mature, or Explicit? How many fics at that rating do you have?

gen audiences with 39 fics!

😁What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

COMMENTS !!!!!!!! AND TUMBLR ASKS and BOOKMARKS with nice comments!!!!!

🐎 Would you ever do a medieval or pirate au?

ohh, that could be fun actually

👩‍🏫Pick a character and I'll tell you their favorite season and why.

requires a character to be picked. i choose Frankie though and his favourite is autumn cause it's cold but not too cold

🎵Do you make playlists for your fics?

only sometimes!

🌷What's one of your fics that isn't as popular, but you hold dear?

my fromeo besties fics :)

❓Insert your own question here!

(not counted)

#& juliet #& juliet musical #&j #and juliet #and juliet musical #juliet musical #fic writer

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