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mrsmarymorstan · 2 days ago

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Keep a folder with all medical evidence you might need for applying for benefits, access cards, discounts and so on. It's much easier to just bring out the binder than it is to search through your files. Also make sure you have digital back ups!

Ginger is great for nausea too. When I first started Prednisolone I had really awful nausea, the only thing that settled my stomach enough to eat was fresh ginger in hot water. Stem Ginger Biscuits (cookies) are great too, along side things like Ginger Tea and Peppermint Tea. But fresh ginger root in hot water works best.

Get that mobility aid. The moment you start thinking that maybe you should get one, that's evidence that you probably should have been using it four months ago.

Look into what you can get. Not just in terms of Benefits, but any other sort of additions. I have a PA (the lovely @peacockfeatherbookmarks ) paid for by the council, and they're an absolute life saver! I've also got an access card to give me discounts and free companion tickets to plays, museums, and theme parks. My Blue Badge makes me exempt from the congestion charge too. Then there's things like the Freedom Pass for free buses and TFL trains, a taxi card for discounted Black Cave, and a disabled Railcard for 1/3 off rail travel for me + a friend, and probably more that I'm forgetting! Look into what your country offers and grab it with both hands, even if you don't think you need it. It's there, take advantage!!

For Brits: Remember to lie in your PIP form. Write it like it's your worst possible day and then exaggerate by 10%. My Epilepsy Nurse AND my Physio gave me this advice. Also don't be afraid to challenge decisions, even if it's just challenging phrasing on forms. You have earned the right to be a Karen.

And yes, friends with disabilities are the ones who will keep you sane. I have a discord group full of my Epileptic Friends and it's great to be able to go in there and bitch about stuff in ways that my able bodies friends won't get. Plus the Dark Humour gets me through the day.

Get a Dosset Box. It's so much easier to track if you have had your meds or not, and makes sure you don't forget something or over dose. Plus it saves space on the counter during the week. Mine has 4 compartments per day and each day is its own little pod, which means I can put it in my bag when I go out for the day.

And lastly: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!

If it's saying you need to sleep then sleep. If it's saying you need painkillers, you need painkillers. If you're feeling sick, have a sick day. If you try to push through then you're only going to get worse and it'll take you twice as long to recover. Don't try to conform to the world that isn't built for you. Fight against it, make it your own, force THEM to change instead.

I've been disabled for almost 29 years. Here's what I've learned.

Tablets sink and capsules float. Separate out your tablets and capsules when you go to take them. Tip your head down when taking capsules and up when taking tablets. Liquigels don't matter, they kinda stay in the middle of whatever liquid is in your mouth.

If your pill tastes bad, coat it with a bit of butter or margarine. I learned this from my mom, who learned it from a pharmacist.

Being in pain every day isn't normal. Average people experience pain during exceptional moments, like when they stub their toe or jam their finger in a door, not when they sit cross-legged.

Make a medical binder. Make multiple medical binders. I have a small one that comes with me to appointments and two big ones that stay at home, one with old stuff and one with more recent stuff.

Find your icons. Some of mine include Daya Betty (drag queen with diabetes), Stef Sanjati (influencer with Waardenburg syndrome and ADHD), and Hank Green (guy with ulcerative colitis who... does a bunch of stuff). They don't have to be disabled in the same way as you. They don't even have to be real people. Put their pictures up somewhere if you want; I've been meaning to decorate my medical binders with pictures of my icons.

Take a bin, box, bag, basket, whatever and fill it with items to cope with. This can be stuff for mentally coping like colouring books or play clay or stuff for physically coping like pain medicine or physio tape.

Decorate your shit! My cane for at home has a plushie backpack clip hanging from the end of the handle and my cane for going places is covered in stickers. All of my medical binders have fun scrapbooking paper on the outside. Sometimes, I put stickers and washi tape on my inhalers and pill bottles. I used my Cricut to decorate my coping bin with quotes from my icons, like "I've seen enough of Ba Sing Se" and "I need you to be angrier with that bell".

If a flare-up is making you unable to eat or keep food down, consider going to the ER. A pharmacist once told me that since my eye flares can make me so nauseous that I cannot eat, then I need to go to the hospital when that happens.

Cola works wonders for nausea. I have mini cans of Diet Pepsi in my coping bin.

Shortbread is one of the only things I can eat when nauseous. Giant Tiger sells individually-wrapped servings of shortbread around Christmas or the British import store sells them year-round. I also keep these in my coping bin.

Unless it violates a pain contract or something, don't be afraid to go behind your doctor's back to get something they are refusing you. I got my cardiologist referral by getting in with a different NP at my primary care clinic than who I usually saw. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify by visiting a walk-in.

If you have a condition affecting your abdomen in some way (GI issues, reproductive problems, y'know) then invest in track pants that are too big. I bought some for my laparoscopy over a year ago and they've been handy for pelvic pain days, too. I've also heard loose pants are good for after colonoscopies.

Do whatever works, even if it's weird. I've sat on the floor of the Eaton Centre to take my pills. I've shoved heating pads down my front waistband to reach my uterus.

High-top Converse are good for weak ankles. I almost exclusively wear them.

You can reuse your pill bottles for stuff. I use my jumbo ones to store makeup sponges and my long skinny ones to hold a travel-size amount of Q-Tips.

Just because your diagnostics come back with nothing, it doesn't mean nothing is wrong. Maybe you were checking the wrong thing, or the diagnostic tool wasn't sensitive enough. I have bradycardia episodes even though multiple cardiac tests caught nothing. I probably have endometriosis even though my gynecologist didn't see anything.

You can bring your comfort item to appointments, and it's generally a green flag when someone talks to you about it. I brought a Squishmallow turkey (named Ulana) to my laparoscopy and they had her wearing my mask when I woke up. I brought a Build-A-Bear cat (named Blinx) to another procedure and a nurse told me that everyone in the hall on the way to the procedure room saw him and were talking about how cute he was. Both of those ended up being positive experiences and every person who talked to me about my plushies was nice to me. If you don't feel comfortable having it visible to your provider during the appointment, you can hide it in your bag and just know it's there, or if you're in a video appointment, you can hold it below frame in your lap.

Get a small bucket, fill it with stuff, and stick it in your bed (if you have room for it). I filled a bucket with Ensure, juice boxes, oatmeal bars, lotion, my rescue inhaler, etc. in October 2023 in anticipation of my laparoscopy and I still have it in my bed as of January 2025.

If your disability impacts your impulse control (e.g. ADHD, bipolar disorder), you should consider setting limits around your spending -- no more than X dollars at a time, nothing online unless it's absolutely necessary, and so on. Or, run these purchases by someone you trust before committing to them; I use my BFF groupchat to help talk sense into myself when I buy stuff.

Feel free to add on what you've learned about disability!

#actually disabled #advice #disability advice

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narcsmelly · 2 days ago

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fascinated by devon because she's like the only character with any goddamn sense but also why the hell did she marry that man?

i would love to talk about this..... bcos honestly idk i just.. feel like i get them, mostly cos the show is asking me to believe it and i enjoy stories most when i go along with what theyre telling me until theyre done telling me about it.

but for real here's my take on devon & rickens relationship: when ricken and devon met, ricken was a lil rich boy who loved to write (poorly) and was always a little too privileged and weird, but ultimately very personable/funny and like... puppy dog level head over heels for devon. first love type shit on his end. i think they were probably young and it was probably an honest friendship that grew into a relationship at devons pace, and while ricken was (and still is) ridiculous and a little lost, that doesnt stop devon from loving him. then gemma and she and mark and ricken became close knit, a real ass family spending a lot of time together and devon & rickens relationship became better because of it. and then gemma died c: and devon had to get really fucking serious about caring for mark AND ricken.. and thats the devon we see today, grieving and carrying it all.

AND ricken is grieving... we see him cope with any negative feelings (insecurity etc) with false bravado and overthinking. And ricken who is both grieving and dealing poorly with the grieving people around him is in an ego-driven rabbit hole exacerbated by the random boderline-sycophants who bring out the worst in him.. but the ego rabbit hole friend group makes him feel wanted/loved/important so he's coping poorly and spiraling by playing into it without regard to how it affects devon and what it really 'means' about who he is/what he's achieving (he's not very introspective or self aware even tho he thinks himself to be!!) idk i just think that while ricken is like.. maybe the worst version of himself he's ever been at this point in their lives, he also wasn't ever some incredible amazing superhero person to begin with... he's kinda just a dope. and devon loves him. and he's wealthy lmao. and i just feel like even though they aren't some storybook fairy tale mark & gemma type romance, devons an extremely pragmatic person and wouldnt be with someone she didn't Want to be with. I don't think she'd take as much crap from mark as she does if she wasn't sure about ricken. but idk im prepared to eat my hat cos frankly i think they should open their marriage and devon should date women but thats just me

ANYWAY: Jen tullock talked about a lot of these things on the severance podcast ep she was on, and also a lot of my opinions were informed/solidified by He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother by cassiandor on ao3 and i think everyone who loves devon should read it.

#severance #speculating about #devon scout hale

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alea-jottun · 2 days ago

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On dissonance : saying you story did something vs making your story say something

A problem I have noticed with people defending s2 is that they take at face value what the dialogues say (or what the writers have said in interviews), as if it were a complete justification of what happens in s2. But a story cannot simply say it is something, it has to be this thing. Dialogue that is not backed up by the actual content of a story is worthless.

A few examples for instance :

S2 wants to pretend that it has something to say about forgiveness. But what does it do ? Have alternate Silco say that "the greatest thing we can do in life is find the power to forgive" (one of the worst lines of s2 considering the context. I'm not even going to delve into why he was the worst possible character you could choose to prone forgiveness, but let's put aside his character assassination for now) yet never follow through.

That's just a line, said by a character. For it to have value, it has to be backed by the story. But s2 doesn't do that.

The problem is not that s2 wants to prone forgiveness (that was going to come up anyway, because you have to discuss forgiveness in order to put an end to a cycle of violence). The problem is that there is no well-written arc demonstrating the value of forgiveness in s2 : simply characters who suddenly feel bad for what they have done, and other characters who forgive them just like that. The justifications given for their changes of heart are either incredibly superficial (considering the gravity of the Arcane themes. We're talking about forgiving murder, attacks, etc), or absolute crap. The reason being of course that the writers did not bother writing organic, developped character arcs.

No, Caitlyn saying "I know" or fighting Noxus is not her taking responsibility or atoning for her crimes. No, her seeing Vi or being called Cupcake should not be enough to cause a change of heart this radical (and don't say that Caitlyn was feeling bad and was waiting for an opportunity to betray Ambessa, because that's simply not true. She absolutely supported Ambessa through s2. She just suddenly changed her opinion on Ambessa because the writers decided it).

Same goes for instance for the Timebomb subplot (which I have unfortunately seen heralded as another example of how s2 preaches forgiveness) : Ekko goes to an alternate reality and falls in love with an alternate version of a girl who murdered his friends and cursed Zaun, but in his reality Jinx is suddenly sad about what she did to the Council, so boom ! Forgiven with no proper redemption arc, and now Ekko tries to convince her that she can better herself. Even though throughout Arcane Jinx didn't give a damn about Ekko or the Firelights she killed. And no, fighting for Piltover and a fake sacrifice at the end do not count as redemption.

At this point, the writers really feel like a character being sad is equivalent to an entire redemption arc. But forgiveness has to be earned, and it never is in s2.

Another example of constant dissonance which I have evoked in another post, but also fits here :

Caitlyn saying to Jinx "no amount of good deeds can undo our crimes...." .... while the entirety of s2 does just that for several characters, including her and Jinx, ironically.

Again, that's just one line, said by a character at the end of a 9 episodes series. But that's not what s2 says in practice. The reality of s2 is that it keeps trying to downplay Jinx's past actions, it keeps trying to undo her crimes : she does whatever she wants and is seen as a symbol in Zaun, even though she literally prevented the Council from declaring Zaun independant. There is no problem to her presence in Viktor's commune, despite that fact that she killed him, and his dream, and again, cursed Zaun when it was about to be freed. She can literally talk to Viktor without the topic ever being properly adressed. And then the writers remember that she is a bit more than a troublemaker, so in the last episodes you get half-baked excuses and a tentative to end herself to cause drama (which is incredibly insensitive, but that's not the point of this post).

Same for Caitlyn : despite being the one saying "no amount of good deeds can undo our crimes....", she has one of the happiest ending of s2, without ever taking responsibility for her actions, or going through redemption. She ends up with an even better social position, a girlfriend she mistreated, a victory for Piltover, and never any real punishment or coherent negative consequences of her actions. So yes, her crimes are pretty much undo-ed... and she didn't even do any real good deed.

The dialogue says something, but the whole series contradicts it.

And finally, you have lines that are absolute crap (in the context of s2) and that pretend that s2 was a completely different show : see the "trying to get rid of your imperfections" line (Viktor's so-called quest for perfection doesn't exist apart from a few lines of dialogues, it is never a proper plot point in the show itself). See the "If he had found the letter it would all have been different" line (not even going to go into details with this one because there is so much wrong with it, it's impressive at this point). Or Jayce's "All I want is my partner back" when Jayce is not shown caring about Viktor after he goes back to Zaun (and no, hallucinating him once in the fire does not count. Also it does not help that neither Jayce nor Viktor have much screen time) and then tries to kill him. So what does s2 do ? Have a cheap thirty second explanation in the last episode, introduce the worst "plot twist" of the series, and pretend it did the job.

Add that to the terrible interview of the writer who said that they made the story as "economical" as possible (they genuinely thought that if they implied something once, then they never had to mention it again) when a good story is supposed to be the complete opposite : efficient (say as much as you possibly can).

S2 is all filler no substance. I know we're joking about the people defending it with the "micro-expressions" argument, but that's understandable : that's all there is in s2 : micro-potentials of what could have been a great series, drowned in an ocean of incompetence.

#arcane critical #each time I see the “economical” interview I shudder #also most of the dialogue is s2 is terrible anyway #and yet there is not even that much dialogue #compare the last episode of s1 and the last episode of s2 : you will see that the difference in dialogue quantity and quality is very clear #the few great lines of s2 were wasted on this catastrophe of a story

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rococo-sonata · 1 day ago

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i digged up in my notes and guess what

Kunikida HEADCANONS ☆📗 part 2!!! + some other characters at the end!!!

- he absolutly hates having his hair down and having his bangs in front of his face like in the oav so he put heavy amont of hair gel that makes his hair feel kinda like cardboard

- he was a troublemaker as a kid

- he's cisgender in a very transgender way. he considers himself a boy only because he was born as one and never really thought about it or feel any connexion to it despite having a schlong. like he's kinda gender apathetic

- it's not a rat tail!!! it's some sort of weird jellyfish haircut he only ties the lower layer and use way too much hair gel

- during his earlier years at the agency he used to have depressive episodes, where he forgot his ideals and bedrotted for days. now he feels so awful about it that he doesn't allow himself to take such breaks

- he likes poetry, mostly romanticism and naturalism. he sometimes writes some himself and has a notebook for it. Dazai found it and thinks his writing style is cringe and corny (he's kinda right...)

- he has a weird laugh, like an ugly one but it's cute

- once he came up with a schedule for katai and katai didn't even look at it

now just random dump of silly hcs i made up about the cast

- atsushi climbs the stairs on all four (even outside...)

- when someone shows him a silly video of a cat falling he takes it personally and answer something like "IT'S NOT FUNNY!! HE HURT HIMSELF😡"

- the type of guy to bite his nails until it bleed and peel the skin of his lips and kunikida swats his hand when he does

- fukuchi always has a favorite in the hunting dogs, sometimes it's tachihara, sometimes teruko, sometimes jouno but it's never tecchou. they're all kinda his children and tecchou is the least favorite💔

- he got fangs like a cat. he's literally just a big cat

- tachihara saw fukuchi as a father figure. he used to admire him a lot and think he was super cool so he sometimes copied his posture or mannerisms. im saying that bcs of this artwork! like look he's literally copying him they're so cute😭

so imagine how absolutly disappointed he was when he learnt he was kamui.. and when the man he kinda saw like his dad stabbed his eyes... :/ womp womp

- jouno believes he is the most beautiful mesmerizing creature to have ever blessed this planet

- natsume is trans!!! he's a calico cat!!! calico cats are at 99.9% females!!! NATSUME IS AFAB

- he's katai's dad. don't ask me why it's just that scene where he shows up at katai's house they got such a cute dynamic he's his father in my head

- ango got the worst eye correction ever. probably has bifocal glasses for staying on his computer for so long

- kyu does age regression, because this is NOT a 13 years old

- katai is an avid reddit user. he is not the same person online his digital footprint is ass

- i feel like he would love shoujo and slice of life anime that are girl lead like k-on, lucky star, nichijou or azumanga daioh. but not in a weird way. he would envy feminity, how in touch with their own feelings they are, and women frienship and intimacy, he wishes he could experience that too

- he loves cats and wishes he could adopt one but he knows that he wouldn't be able to take care of it in his state and would probably forget to feed it

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miraculouslbcnreactions · 2 days ago

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“If Chloe caused Marinette’s trauma, then why they’ve United to humiliate Kagami in “Animaestro”?

To be fair, I’ve read a post which was written a long time ago where one user said that Marinette uniting with Chloe to do the same things to Kagami that Chloe was doing to Marinette for years was Out Of Character for her. And this was before the first draft of infamous “Derision” was ever written…

Two things can be true at once. You can criticize Animaestro in the context canon has put it in while also agreeing that it and Derision don't fit the narrative and basically have to be discarded to make any sense of canon. I take both of these stances and will happily explain them.

If Derision was "always the plan," then Animaestro's writing choices make the writers look extra terrible as it means that they had no issues making their lead put another person through the same kind of traumatizing humiliation that she'd gone through herself. Even worse, Marinette inflicts that trauma by willing joining up with the instigator of her own trauma, never once stopping to wonder if this is too far. She's too obsessed with her crush to care about another person's suffering. It's perfectly reasonable to look at these two moments and come away hating her. It's even reasonable to just hate her after Animaestro. That wasn't a good look.

Even if Derision wasn't always the plan, the writers still wrote it after writing Animaestro, not caring how that choice would effect people's view of Marinette's actions. It's not reasonable to expect your audience to disregard one episode in favor of another. People aren't being unfair for taking these two episodes at face value.

If you want to tell a good story, you have to own what you've already written and allow that to limit what ideas work for your story no matter how good they are in a vacuum. Animaestro and Derision are just generally a bad episodes, but they should never coexist unless Marinette is supposed to be seen as a bad person OR Marinette is getting a complex arc around overcoming her trauma and Adrien obsession. It is perfectly fair to ask why we're not getting either of those since the writers chose to make all of this mess canon.

However, I also agree that Marinette's actions in Animaestro are just generally not suited to her character. The show did a terrible job of writing Marinette and Kagami's cat fight over Adrien. Because every conflict had to be established and resolved in 20-minutes or less, Marinette was constantly coming up with random petty, unflattering, and downright insane takes on Kagami. It made Marinette come across like a total mean girl in several season three episodes which sucks when you consider the way the conflict was played in season two. Episodes like Frozer allowed Marinette to have a good balance of jealously and being a good person making her feel realistic, but not a petty mean girl.

In Frozer, Marinette sent Adrigami on a date to the ice rink and went along to help Adrien even though her girl friends told her to back out:

Alya: This is gonna be your worst mess up in history. You have got to get yourself out of this right now. Ideas girls! Quick! Alix: Tell him you'd already promised to hang with your GFs. Rose: Maybe you got lost on the way over? Juleka: Maybe you're gonna go to a concert? Mylène: You had to finish an essay on Periwinkle's migration. Marinette: Actually, girls... I don't think I want to cancel. All Girls: Huh? Marinette: Adrien really needs me and if he wants my advice then why not? After all, it's not an issue and I'm definitely not jealous because... Rose: Because you two love each other. Marinette: Because there's nothing between us. (looks down sadly) Alya: What do you mean nothing between you? Mylène: There's everything between you, actually. Marinette: I always jumble my words around him. So how could I even manage going out on a date? I think we're actually just meant to be friends. Whenever I talk to him as a friend, I hardly stammer at all. That's a sign right there. Right?

And when they were at the rink, Marinette gave Adrien actual good advice:

Adrien: I don't know what to do about Kagami. Should I offer to hold her hand? Marinette: You have to let her fall. Adrien: Huh? Marinette: No, what I actually meant was that you cannot let her fall in any way. I mean, do whatever you can so that she doesn't fall.

If you have to include a petty fight over a boy, this a decent way to do it. Show Marinette struggling, but ultimately doing the right thing. Acknowledge the temptation to sabotage the date, but let her be a good person in the end. Don't go the Animaestro route which makes Marinette come across as both awful and delusional:

Marinette: I'm not too sure about this. Chloé: Fine! Keep on not being sure about it and tomorrow, Adrien and Kagami will be on a plane headed for Japan! Marinette: Adrien? Japan? There's no way! Chloé: You think? They're already going to the movies together, their parents are signing papers together. (camera zooms in on Mrs. Tsurugi in the background, stamping a document with her signature) Marinette: (imagines Adrien and Kagami on a plane and dancing with kimonos on) We can't let her do that!

The fact that Marinette agrees to sabotage Kagami could be overlooked if she stopped herself before actually doing anything. We all have bad moments. But she doesn't stop. She spends a good chunk of the episode working with Chloé and there is no defense for that. Marinette is absolutely in the wrong here.

We can acknowledge that while also acknowledging that Marinette's actions also don't make any sense in the same timeline as Frozer which happened a full season before Animaestro. In both episodes, Adrien is on a date with Kagami. Why is Marinette willing to be the better person in one situation and not the other? What changed? Why was she better on an actual date than she was on what is arguably a friend-date where Adrien is just being Kagami's escort? Why was Marinette able to push aside her friends telling her to bail on date one - reasonable advice - while being totally susceptible to Chloé's insane advice that they should sabotage date two?

There is no in-universe answer and that's why I'm willing to agree that this episode just generally shouldn't exist. It adds nothing to the story and is a poor choice when you look at where this plot started and where it ends. We go from supportive Marinette in Frozer to sabotaging Marinette in Animaestro to supportive Marinette in Hearhunter, which has Marinette once again supporting Adrigami on a date:

André: Which flavors for these two? [Kagami and Adrien] Orange and peppermint, a perfect pairing that's always a success; nothing can turn it into a mess. And for you two [Adrien and Marinette] blackberry and peppermint, an explosive mix that's a fact but often times it's the opposites that attract. Orange and blackberry, quite unusual it's true not the most obvious but it works for you two. So what will it be? Kagami: You pick. I don't really get what he's saying anyway. Adrien: Yeah, you pick, Marinette. We trust you. Marinette: Can't you find a blend for the three of us? André: I can, but too many flavors mixed together may throw off the delicate balance. Marinette: I don't know. Blackberry and peppermint doesn't seem like a great pair. And what if the mint finds the blackberry lame and wants to be with the orange instead? And it's true that orange and peppermint are awesome together and well orange and blackberry just doesn't seem like they go together. (looks at Kagami and Adrien together, walks up to André) Look I think your first idea was the best. The orange and peppermint ice cream for.. for my friends here. André (concerned) Are you sure Marinette? (she nods, Adrien approaches cart) Marinette (walks away and speaks to Kagami) I'm gonna head back to the palace. I told my parents I'd bring them back those cocktail umbrellas.

And, yes, Marinette does mess up the date by getting Kagami to help in the day's akuma fight, but that's way more in line with her Frozer behavior than her Animaestro behavior because it's not petty jealousy. Marinette didn't come up with a way to mess up the date. She was going to let it happen until the akuma attack, which had already messed up the date anyway. That's a far more complex and nuanced way to play the conflict. It's not the actions of a mean girl. Where did Animaestro-Marinette go?

The only way to make Animaestro fit in a functional character arc is to have to come at the start. You don't put an episode like this or Ikari Gozen after Frozer. That's just bad writing. I'd even argue that Animaestro is a bad fit in general because you don't need to take Marinette that far to give her a solid arc around "sisters before misters."

While Ikari Gozen has its own issues, it has Marinette being more avoidant than mean, which is about as far as I'd take her. There is no reason to make her sink to Chloé's level. It just makes Marinette look bad for no good reason, especially when Chloé is right there, able to take the villain role on her own! It's glaringly obvious that this episode only plays the way it does because of the stupid "Marinette must always do something wrong" rule and not because of some greater story reason. Without that rule, Animaestro could have been a perfectly fine episode where Chloé acted on her own, leading Marinette to realize how bad it is to let jealousy drive your actions, which would have been a wonderful lesson!

The "Marinette's character has to be warped so she's always in the wrong" rule is why I can get pretty defensive of Marinette. It's not that I think her actions are okay, they're often 100% not, they're just also clearly writing issues and not intentional character beats. I'd feel very different if Marinette's worst moments were ongoing flaws or part of a character arc, but they're not. They're generally one-off moments that could be removed from the story and no one would notice. Marinette doesn't even learn anything in Animaestro!!! She never apologizes for what she did or anything like that. The best we get is:

Marinette: I promise I'll never take Chloé's advice again!

Which is not the right lesson here!!! Everything about this episode is so frustrating! Marinette should be able learn lessons without having to be the one to mess up, damn it!

#skywarpus #marinette deserves better #ml writing critical #ml writing salt #ml's wacky morals #character core

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olderthannetfic · 3 days ago

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Don't take this as me defending AI/GPT, but people are WAY too paranoid about it. I find it especially ironic when people use AI to try to detect AI (though that seems to be more of an academics thing than a hobby thing). There's so many words/phrases/punctuation that are easily declared as AI red flags and they're all...normal grammar, to me?

Also, again, not defending it, but people really act like AI writing/art is the worse thing that could ever possibly happen and if you use it you're some evil and irredeemable bastard who Eats Real Creatives For Breakfast, and not in the sexy "cannibalism as an act of love" way! Like, again, I wouldn't personally read or look at AI art/fic myself (at least not knowingly) bc I prefer things that are created by humans, but it's not like it's the worst thing ever to grace our sacred fandom spaces. And like, objectively, it is kinda cool in theory, you know? "This computer program can effortlessly spit out any type of art/fiction you want" is the type of thing a lot of people never even dreamed would happen. I don't blame people for playing with it, even if I am opposed to it.

I also don't like it when people hate AI for reasons that aren't a realistic problem. Like when they make it too high tech if that makes sense? "This AI DIRECTLY COPIES THE STYLE OF THIS PARTICULAR ARTIST/AUTHOR/MUSICIAN" no it does not. we're not quite there yet. And I'm sorry, but most indie artists/freelance authors/small musicians are not that special. Sure if one individual person decides to feed a different certain other individual person's work to gpt and then say "finish this piece of writing for me, in this style" then you might get something thematically similar but if i tell ChatGPT "Write me an actually good Star Wars script, but in the style of FanfictionWriter420 on ao3" without any context of who FanfictionWriter420 is, I likely will not get what I want. "Write me a song that could be a Beatles song" sure, maybe I might get something semi-passable, but this whole thing of "gpt is PERSONALLY STEALING YOUR FANFICTION SO LOCK IT DOWN NOW" (um, like someone can't simply make an ao3 account and then just .... feed user-locked fic to the gen AI?!??!💀💀💀) is just...not happening.

Like please hate AI for the actual bad that AI does, no need to fearmonger and make things up.

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bwat5-blog · 1 day ago

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Continuing The Cycle

**Spoilers For Arcane**

Let me say to begin with, that nothing in this post is to downplay or brush off Piltover's oppression of Zaun. There will be some who read that and still scream at me, that's okay. I just want to be clear.

Many people on here more insightful and intelligent than I have spoken on this already, but it has been sticking with me lately so I wanted to get my thoughts out.

I have been quite free with dismantling some of the inane attempts at criticism of Arcane in this space. But, I promise I do actually understand everyone is entitled to their opinion. After all, how we connect with and understand art on an individual level is one of the things that make it so special. I have never, and will never come for someone who is simply stating their honest opinion based on the actual content in a respectful manner.

Where my issues come in, have to do with these wide-spread critiques/takes/stances that so directly undermine the meaning of the narrative they are best ignorant and at worst malicious. And more often than not rely on omission of details that negates their stance, or fabrication of details to support them. To that end, what I am discussing today is the black and white thinking that has permeated the fandom, poisoning understanding and appreciation of all corners of that narrative.

LET'S JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY:

*Before we get into the Arcane content, we need to discuss where a lot of this is coming from. I am just gonna get this out here right now, and there are some people who are gonna keel over reading it but if you are one of those folks I might as well not waste your time*

Arcane is not the Israeli–Palestinian conflict.

It could not be more clear that this is where a lot of this is coming from. Let me be explicitly clear, this is NOT a deep-dive or analysis of this conflict. This thing is immensely complicated . If you comment here with a "IT IS NOT COMPLICATED ITS" sort of comment I'm sorry to tell you but you are wrong. The modern phase of this has origins as far back as the late nineteenth century and there is more going back even further. I don't care if its a straight fucking line. Something going back that far has more to it than the average nerd like me is qualified to speak on. Now, that being said, I do understand to a degree why this is happening. Not like this conflict has ever really been settled but in the last few years especially things have really been active and generating a degree of media content I don't remember seeing this level of in my short 32 years. So in a world where everyone (myself included) is so plugged in and enveloped by social media, a lot of us are getting a more direct look at this than we really ever have. And we analyze and connect with art through the lens of the world around us to a point. But we CANNOT do so exclusively. Trying to force a narrative into a one-to-one comparison robs it of a tremendous amount of meaning. Because no matter how complex and intricate this story actually can be. IT IS NOT REALITY. I'm not getting into it here, that would be pages and pages of writing and I'm here to talk about Arcane. But I'm going to say this because it applies to real life and the show both and will take us into my actual point today.

The idea that anyone on one side must always be good and justified simply because they are the oppressed, while the other must always be evil, is juvenile, naïve, and fails to grasp even a fraction of the complexity of human nature

Some of you are going to have an absolute seizure reading me say that that statement applies to real life as well. I don't care. It takes time, maturity, and meeting people from all walks of life to understand things are not so simple.

BACK TO ARCANE:

But, that being said time to get back to business. How does this all apply to Arcane?

"The show should have ended with a civil war between Zaun and Piltover!"

"When Zaun arrived during the last battle Jinx should have unloaded on the Enforcers and the Noxians both!"

"They ruined Jinx's character! WTF do you mean she apologized for killing Caitlyn's mother? Her mom was part of the oppressive system that ruined Jinx's life and brought it on herself!"

"Silco did bad things but it was all to gain power to protect Zaun!"

"Poor little rich girl lost her mom and acts like it's a reason to punish an entire city with warcrimes. The people of Zaun have been suffering worse for their entire history"

"Rebel Vi I miss you! How dare they make you care about people in Piltover!"

"The coward show runners made Zaunites into boot-lickers fighting for Piltover wearing Enforcer armor at the end!"

You get the idea. I have seen variations of these and many more time and time again. Zaun should have let Piltover fall or even attacked themselves. Caitlyn deserved everything done to her because she's of the Piltovan elite. Every terrible thing Jinx or Silco did was totally and completely justified because of Piltovan oppression.

Now there are many angles I could come at this from. My usual one is simply addressing the astounding lack of logic in most of these sorts of arguments. For example, I can rope all of the people saying Zaun should have let Piltover fall into one category. People who forgot about this guy:

Like he was just gonna "evolve" Piltover than call it a day and zoot off into space with his new buddies. Obviously not and the idea that he wouldn't immediately take Zaun as well then keep moving is completely laughable. But this sort of thing isn't my issue today. My issue is that those so zealously insisting the the show should have continued on a path of hate, death and destruction are completely missing the point.

I titled this continuing the cycle for a reason. So much of this show, revolves around this concept of the cycle of violence. Those who keep it going, those who suffer from it, and those who break it. And the issue I'm finding is that a tremendous amount of people have seemingly decided that anything people from Zaun do is justified, and anything people from Piltover do is not. When in fact, where they are born is irrelevant in this context. Because each and everyone of them has the choice to further the cycle, or to walk away.

Silco & Vander:

Vander continued the cycle when instead of forgiving Silco for his part (whatever it may have been, we never really get the whole story) in Felicia's death he tried to kill him. And Silco did the same when he took his revenge instead of walking away ending not only the life of the man who wronged him, but causing the deaths of two teenage boys, trying to have Vi killed and causing her imprisonment altering her life forever, and taking Powder as his own after obliterating her second family altering her life and the lives of all those she would hurt through her actions as well.

Caitlyn:

In Caitlyn we see all three. She was an admittedly naïve but well-meaning young woman who was victimized terribly by cycle of violence around all for thinking she could help. We then watch her heart-breaking transformation into being a part of it allowing her hate and pain to warp her into someone dark and vengeful. Then finally we see her laying down the hate for her mothers killer in favor of her love for the woman who means everything to her. Stepping outside of it and turning her back on that violence.

There are of course other examples. Jinx walking away, Ambessa choosing to continue the bloodshed even with her last child begging her to stop. the list goes on. My point in discussing this is that it doesn't matter where they come from. Characters from all over this story play a part both good and bad in the events that occur. And to properly appreciate and understand this tale and what it is saying we MUST recognize that.

Yes Silco was a Zaunite. No Silco was not justified in unleashing Shimmer on his own people. He was a revolutionary once, but he lost his way. In the end he died a violent drug lord who exploited his people for his own gain. He was not a hero.

Yes Jinx is a Zaunite. No, Jinx attacking the council was not a noble strike for her people against oppression. She was a terrified, mentally ill, grieving and angry young woman who lashed out in a moment of awful pain. And in doing guaranteed Piltovan oppression against her people. .

Yes, Heimerdinger was the father of Piltover and his neglect caused terrible problems for everyone. He also gave his life for a Zaunite rebel commander to help get him home. (I understand in the lore he's probably alive but we haven't seen that yet and they have for sure diverged so it isn't a guarantee)

Yes, Caitlyn Kiramman is the daughter of one of the high houses of Piltover, and played a part of the people of Zaun suffering under Ambessa's manipulations and cruelty. She also gave the leader of the Firelights the gemstone she was so determined to return, stood side-by-side with Vi and told the council to their faces they failed Zaun, and put her own body on the line to make things right against Ambessa.

And that isn't to say that any of those characters were all good or all bad. It's to say that they all are capable of both. Just like every character. To slap a Zaun sticker on Silco and a Piltover (or cop as so many of you are fond of) sticker on Caitlyn and give them a pass or not for everything they do based on that is simplistic and ignorant. These characters have so much to them that to reduce them to these easily digestible bite-sized pieces is to deprive yourself of that true weight of this story.

All that said, lets take another look at a few items from that list from earlier:

"The show should have ended with a civil war between Zaun and Piltover!"// At the moment where all of humanity was at stake, people came together and fought side by side to quite literally save the world

"They ruined Jinx's character! WTF do you mean she apologized for killing Caitlyn's mother? Her mom was part of the oppressive system that ruined Jinx's life and brought it on herself!"// In a moment of pain and clarity Jinx found herself speaking to someone she realized she horribly wronged. Someone who had been twisted into something dark and violent by pain and grief, a feeling Jinx knew all too well. So she said the most she could, it isn't a direct apology. But her remorse is clear. "

"When Zaun arrived during the last battle Jinx should have unloaded on the Enforcers and the Noxians both!"// Jinx went from someone hated and feared, who felt like she had nothing to offer anyone, who felt like she had failed or killed everyone who loved her, to riding into battle leading her people and bearing symbols of her loved ones into the war for all mankind. And although I and most agree she's alive, the last act we know she for sure that she took was to save the life of the older sister who loved her so much in her most dire moment. If she did die, Jinx died a hero.

CLOSING WORDS:

Arcane is many things. But it's humanity is its heart. I've said it many times and many ways, but good stories... in this case great stories matter. They stick with us. Because long after the giant battles, the wolf monsters, and shiny blue magic rocks have faded, its the humanity you remember. The sisters fighting desperately to hold on to each-other in a world determined to rip them apart. The lovers from different worlds finding hope in each-others arms. Brothers betraying one another, a daughter having to take her mothers life, the list goes on. But when we rob these characters and this story of all of that, when the flash is gone, what's left?

I haven't done a long one in a bit and I feel like this is a bit rambling so I apologize. To those who take time out of their day to read anything I have to say I appreciate you more than you know. Feel free to share your thoughts! I love discussing this show. And in closing will leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

“It's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. I know now folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something. That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for"

- JRR Tolkien

#arcane #arcane season 2 spoilers #vi arcane #caitlyn kiramman #jinx arcane #caitvi #vi and jinx #arcane season 1 #powder #long post

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sdv-confessions · 2 days ago

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RE: The wizard is a lousy partner and deadbeat dad.

And another thing: I can't understand for the life of me why so many fans seem to think it's fine--even commendable!--for Caroline to cheat on her husband and then trick him into raising someone else's child, all the while declining to hold the real baby daddy accountable. You cannot convince me that Pierre has really done anything to deserve it.

Putting aside his questionable business practices for a minute...as a husband and father, his worst crimes are neglecting his family in favor of making money and pressuring Abigail to conform to his expectations of her. Yes, this is wrong of him to do, and he needs to work on it, sooner rather than later.

But Caroline criticizes Abigail just as often and in the same ways, and there's nothing in the writing to suggest she is merely parroting Pierre's wishes.

What's more, Caroline and Abigail themselves admit that he is, otherwise, good to them with zero prompt or coercion. At the Festival of Ice, he takes a break from the merchandising and is seen building a snowman with Abigail. He supports Abigail through college and never once threatens to revoke that support. Sometimes he'll do the cooking himself; according to him, he hates cooking...but he does it anyway to please his wife.

When he tells you his suspicions about not being Abigail's bio father, he looks more sad than angry, and he even urges you not to say anything to Caroline. That he's so far declined to check if his suspicions are right suggests to me he's trying either to convince himself he's wrong or to make peace with the idea that he's not Abi's bio father. Because he doesn't want to lose her, or Caroline.

I don't even like the guy all that much, yet thinking about that breaks my heart! Sure, Caroline. Your husband's just jealous. Blame him for your bad choices all you want (sarcastic)!

#sdv confessions #caroline negative #pierre negative

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kreayshawni · 1 day ago

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Will you write general relationship headcanons for bill please? ^^

of course! thanks for the request (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

being a relationship with bill would include...

if the person he had a crush on was in the club, he'd just be a little bit less of a dick to them. not clear favoritism, but to him, it'd mean a lot cause he hates literally everyone

he'd never verbally admit that he wants you around.

he's not too big on public displays of affection, but he's oddly caring. like, he'd carry around part of your hobbies, (e.x; drawing, he'd carry a few extra pens or paintbrushes, or film if you're into photography) or an extra inhaler if you're asthmatic, things like that.

and if you're on the more timid side, he'd talk to waiters and cashiers for you, but he'd call you a pussy afterward.

your guys' relationship isn't very full of lovey-dovey moments, it's mainly just banter cause he'd drop dead if he expressed the fact he has any ounce of empathy in him

if you guys are into the same interests, most of the time spent together would just be talking your asses off. and arguing about something stupid.

he'd honestly go too far and point out your insecurities, and act like a little bitch when you point out his. he yells a lot, and he'd never get violent with you but he'd threaten to.

apologies weren't a muscle he used often. he has absolutely no idea how to apologize and he most likely won't with words, but will in his own way like paying for you. and leaves it at that.

he isn't too good with people venting to him or crying to him, he just gets really stiff and might pat you on the back. if it's really bad, then he'll attempt to comfort you. but he's always so embarrassed afterward and can't talk to you for a while without feeling bashful or like a sissy.

having a significant other in general would be good for him, he might actually start showering more often for you! but don't count on it

'' at first when i see you cry, it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile, at worst, I'll feel bad for a while, but then I just smile ''

#the eltingville club x reader #the eltingville club #bill dickey x reader #bill dickey #bill dickey x you #mcbling

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edward-munson · 4 hours ago

Text

I don't care | S.H.

Summary: Taking care of Steve after he was attacked by an army of demobats seems like a lot of work, only because apparently he doesn't like you.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x f!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of injury, allusion to smut

Word count: 2.2k

☆°•○♡

"You want them spicy or not?" You ask Steve as you make nachos for dinner for both of you.

He's lying on the couch, on his back. He still recovers from the attack of the demobats. His neck is almost fully scarred, but the bites on his stomach and his sides are still painful. You've been laying low together for close to two weeks.

Your friends didn't want to make you team up with them to find Vecna and kill him. Not that you're not brave or strong enough to do so. But you're still pretty new to all of this and someone had to stay with Steve. So you didn't even bother opposing the idea, even though he's not your biggest fan.

God knows why, he never told his reasons. And your friends didn't know either. Maybe Eddie did, but he wouldn't open his mouth about it.

"I still think this is really unnecessary. I'm not a fucking child" He complains as he walks past the kitchen door, leaning against the sink.

With crossed arms, he looks at your food. You made chilli beans, guacamole and cheese sauce for the spicy nachos. You look up at him, trailing your eyes on his neck for an instant before raising an eyebrow to him.

"You can't even hold your own weight, Harrington. Stop being a crybaby".

Steve scoffs at you, but doesn't move an inch from his position. "Jesus, I wish we had another plan".

You drop the spoon you were using, turning your face to look at him. "I'm only doing this because they asked me to. Get off your own ass".

You leave the kitchen, walking out to the bedroom you were sleeping on. You were staying at his house. It's not like there were other options, but you couldn't refuse to stay there when he's alone and barely walking. Well, he can walk. The worst part is that he needs rest because of his wounds.

The past two weeks you've been quite getting along. Not that much, really. It's not like you were friends. Probably more like close acquaintances. Because obviously, he was the one pushing you away.

You didn't leave your room for a while, you were too annoyed to eat, and since it was dinner for the two of you, it didn't feel like you should eat anymore. You decided to spend your time watching something on the TV, which would easily make you get bored.

And then you would read books, or write stuff. It's been pretty tough lately since Vecna appeared. Max almost got killed and now she was staying at Dustin's house. The other kids were coming back to Hawkins to help, maybe Eleven might be able to do something about that.

You actually wished you were doing something fun. Like, taking a trip to the beach or snowboarding since it's fall and the weather has been cold. Your thoughts were pushed back by a knock on the door. Steve didn't open it and you didn't mention doing it either, so he just stayed there.

"Sorry I was an idiot" His voice came out muffled through the closed door. "I know I've been cranky and annoying".

You only opened the door after a couple of minutes, not exactly sure if he was still there. But he looked up from the floor at you. "You used to be nice. I mean, way before this curse happened".

He stayed quiet, because you were right. But what else can he do if the world was turned upside down (almost literally) again? And you almost got them killed once, not on purpose of course.

You were also the one to get too close to Robin and he hated seeing his best friend sharing her friendship with someone else. Because up until then, he was the only one she was the closest he had to a friend, even though he had a strong relationship with Eddie too.

None of it was your fault, but he grew annoyed over you. He couldn't lie to himself and say you weren't too kind and helpful. But he started to become extremely unenthusiastic over you through the year.

"A lot has happened since then. I'm trying to live up to the fact that we're against another monster again" Steve leans an arm against the doorframe, but refuses to keep his gaze at you.

"Which isn't my fault, by the way. Not to mention I'm the one who pulled you out of the watergate before you were eaten".

Another few seconds of silence, which was followed by a sarcastic nasal laugh. He shook his head and hung it low to the floor.

"Oh, you want a prize for that? Because I remember clearly when I didn't ask for your help!" His words were harsh, even if not intended.

But now you were the one who didn't know what to say. Until you feel the bitter taste on your tongue.

"Guess I should've let them rip your skin apart, then".

He saw the door shutting in front of him, cursing himself for being extremely idiotic and insensitive. He almost felt like punching his own face for that.

Steve heard you talking to Eddie that night through your walkie talkie. It was a little bit hard to hear because the reception was static for you. But you could listen to Eddie and God, you missed him and the others. It started to become unbearable to live with Steve. He heard you lament the whole situation, complaining about the way you were treating each other.

He was bitter about the things they were going through. He was angry he couldn't have done more. And he was taking it out all on you. He couldn't face another apology on the same day, because he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not right now.

The next day, he made breakfast by himself. It took you by surprise, but by the time you were up, he had already eaten. And you wouldn't want to eat with him either. You remember Nancy saying the bickering was just "sexual tension" but you knew it didn't have anything to do with that.

Even though you felt your ears burning from the thought, you couldn't deny to yourself that he was pretty charming. And seeing him shirtless whenever he would change the gauze made you feel weird. God, his hair was always pretty while yours looked like a bird nest after waking up.

The day seemed to have lasted longer since you haven't exchanged a single word to each other. He was focused on watching movies, playing video games and listening to music. He was getting bored out of his mind, but there wasn't much he could do being injured.

You, on the other hand, went out to do some errands. In fact, you didn't care you left him alone. You were getting tired of staying inside. So you went to see Max, and invited her to eat at Burger King. She seemed to feel better to do something like that too. Everything seemed pretty fuzzy lately.

Will, Mike and Eleven were pretty close to Hawkins. Thanks to Argyle who thinks he's a speed racer, and Jonathan who encourages him to drive long hours so they can arrive as soon as possible.

It was almost 7 PM when you came back home. You've finally had some fun after a week. You obviously couldn't be going out since they still haven't found Vecna and he knows about you too. The man in front of you seemed pretty pissed that he didn't see you were out until he woke up two hours ago.

"What? Don't give me that father look" You dropped your backpack on the floor and followed upstairs.

He's got a whole show prepared and he wasn't feeling like he would regret it this time.

"You know you can't just fucking go out and yet, you still do" He walked behind you, like a mother scolding a child.

"Yeah, dad. I know so. But here I am, back in pieces" You turned on your heel to look at him before closing your door.

Much to your dismay, he was faster this time, holding it with his right foot and right hand. Even injured, he was still stronger than you.

"No, don't push it. You can be an easy target for him, you know that?"

You huff, dropping your arm to your side. "Look, Harrington. I'm an adult, and I'm very aware of what I do or don't do. So please, just stop making a scene and leave me the fuck alone".

Steve couldn't even stand arguing with you anymore, it was so tiring. But he knew he would blame himself if something ever happened to you out there. He couldn't let this happen to you, even though you've been annoying him for whatever reason.

He took a step towards you, his hands balling into fists. The way your eyes were boring into him in an unamused face irritated him even more.

"Look, honey" His tone was purely sarcastic and you felt it not only in his voice, but in his demeanor too. "You know you're putting yourself at risk doing that. If I'm not fucking sure you're safe as well, I won't live with that".

At each passing second, you could feel him walking to you, but you couldn't walk back. You couldn't run from him, you couldn't get away from him. You wouldn't, you didn't feel like you wanted to.

"And not just because of my friends, they sure would kill me. But because I couldn't lose another person" You feel his breathing hitting your face, his eyes flicking as he looks at you.

He looks down at you with such intensity, it's crazy how there's a magnetic pull towards him.

You hold his gaze, feeling a cold shiver down your spine. He didn't look like he was about to snap at you, even though his tone was a bit loud.

He furrows his brows when he sees your lip curling into a smirk. "Well, Steve" His fingers move by the sound of his name, you always call him Harrington. "I thought you didn't care if I died or not".

This time, he was the one to smirk at you. "Honey, I don't remember saying I never cared about you".

Your stomach sank at that. Because now as you think of it, it comes crashing down as a realization that he never really said anything related to that. He truly never spoke about it.

"Doesn't seem like it"

"You see, this is why you annoy me so much" His nose bumps into yours, but he still gazes at you like he doesn't mean to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah? Then you should–" He doesn't let you finish your sentence.

Steve crashes his lips against yours, his hands flying down your hips. He feels your immediate reaction as you don't correspond right away. For a few seconds, he thinks he's done the wrong thing and almost regrets it, until you grab him by the neck with both hands. You wrap your fingers around his neck, your fingertips grazing the nape of his hair.

Your lips are smacking his lips in a hurry, while he runs a hand to cradle your face. He slips his tongue into your mouth and holds his breath when he feels your tongue moving in sync with him. He doesn't want to admit this is what he wished he could've done before.

Steve has been so stressed lately that he could only think about defeating Vecna. He didn't realize how much you were willing to take care of him these weeks. All he knew was that he also had to take care of you. And this is why he became so angry when you left without him knowing.

Especially because if something did happen to you, he would feel the regret of being an asshole to you.

He rips a low whimper from you when he gently grasps your lower lip by his teeth as he heaves against your mouth. You're both too absorbed into your own feelings, leaving grunts and gripping each other everywhere.

His fingers were digging your skin every time you would kiss his jawline and he was growing eager. He didn't want to look like he was trying to take advantage of you, only noticing now how much you also wanted this.

He then roughly pulls your shirt off, watching as your chest is quickly rising and falling. And his eyes sparkled when he saw your cleavage for the first time like that. Your bra perfectly hugging your round big breasts.

Steve didn't wait any longer, holding your waist and pushing you back against your bed.

That night, he pounded on you just like you dreamed about. He slapped his hips against your ass just like you wished someone would one day. The air was filled with sounds and lust.

You didn't even notice when your friends arrived right after he had an orgasm. You didn't have time to get dressed, only getting caught when Robin opened the door to you both naked. He didn't have time to remove his condom. She saw you naked. And worse. She saw her best friend naked.

And you thought it was going to be awkward, until Eddie turned the awkwardness into "I knew these idiots would fuck".

The night was all about this. They decided to leave the Vecna subject for the next day.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader fluff #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic

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cloverapple · 9 hours ago

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Thank you for posting! Reading your stuff is a lot of help, and your shifting method is awesome sauce i've been using it for the past two nights (the reasons for why I didn't shift i'm self-aware of and will proceed accordingly, not writing it down here because i feel like it's unneccesarry and don't think you can say much abt it) what I was curious if you could give advice about is: fear of shifting? Don't get me wrong i really want to shift. Been on this journey for years for a reason! And i think soon i'll finally do it, as i've never been as consistent, putting in actual work, as I am and as I do now. Last night, when body was truly asleep and it was just only me, I did my thing trying to shift. And suddenly this weight settled on me, as if the world was too big and too heavy, and i immediately thought "I can't do this" and rolled over with the decision to just simply sleep. Today i talked with a friend about this, and he said it's probably "a fear of shifting, a fear of responsibility", and honestly I agree with this take. Of course I will try again tonight, and will keep doing so until I can push through this feeling and actually shift, but i was wondering if you had a word of advice? Thank you <3

• The way I see the fear of shifting is like: that fear you felt right before the shift wasn’t a failure, it was a sign you were right there.

• Think about it: why would your mind suddenly scream "I can’t do this!" and slam the brakes when you were on the edge of what you’ve been working toward? It’s because, on some level, your subconscious knew shifting was about to happen.

• It accepted it as real, as possible, and that’s exactly when the fear kicked in. That fear isn’t about shifting being impossible, it’s your mind clinging to the familiar, trying to protect you from stepping into something that it's your current reality. Our brains are wired to favor what we know, even if what we know isn’t what we want. It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff with a parachute—you know the parachute will open, but the ground beneath your feet still feels safer.

• So, no, you didn’t fail. Don’t look at that fear as a blockage because it’s not. It’s a precedent to progress, a signpost that you're on the brink of success. Fear is just your mind’s way of saying, "This is real."

To work through it: First, understand that fear is just another form of anxiety—and anxiety, at its core, is the same physiological response as excitement. The only difference is the story you tell yourself about it. When you feel that fear creeping in during the day, don’t shove it down. Let yourself feel it, but flip the script. Visualize the moments you’re genuinely excited for in your DR. Happy, comforting, exciting things that make you want to shift. Feel how easily that fear morphs into anticipation. Emotions are malleable, and once you start associating that tension with excitement instead of dread, you’ll find it easier to move forward.

What you really need to do if fear is your issue, is let go. Stop putting shifting on this towering pedestal. Yes, it’s amazing, but it’s also normal. The more you treat it like this huge, mystical event, the more your mind will see it as something to fear. Shift your perspective. Talk about it like it’s just another part of your day, think of it as routine, affirm it as something natural. Trick your brain into seeing shifting as regular and unexciting, and it’ll stop resisting. Because at the end of the day, shifting isn’t some impossible feat. It’s just you becoming aware of another space you already belong in.

• But let’s go even deeper, to stop that freeze response from hijacking you the next time you’re at the doorway to your shift. We’re going to eliminate the fear before it even has a chance to rise. (yes I'm giving you optional homework because I'm the worst 😁)

The "Normalize Your DR" Exercise

1. Document Your CR Routine. Write down your current daily schedule in your CR. What time you wake up, eat, work, study, relax, everything. Create a schedule.

2. Now create a parallel schedule for your DR. You could do this for the day you're going to wake up in your DR, or next day, depends on what you scripted and feels better for you. What are you doing at each hour? How does your morning routine look? Who do you see? Where are you?

3. Sync CR Time with DR Time. Match your CR schedule to your DR schedule. For every hour in your day, mentally check in with what you’d be doing in your DR at that exact time. This repetitive syncing normalizes your DR in your mind. It becomes part of your routine, not some distant, unreachable dream that your mind fears shifting to.

4. Visualize Throughout the Day. As you go through your CR, take moments to pause and visualize your DR. The more your mind gets used to the idea of being in your DR, the less foreign—and therefore less scary—it becomes.

I hope you can take something from this. Good luck! 💚🩷🫂

#reality shifting #shiftblr #shifters #shifting #shifting antis dni #shifting blog #shifting community #shifting methods #shifting reality #reality shifter #reality shift #shifting tips

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rekino2114 · 10 hours ago

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Valentines prompt 5. a heartfelt love letter 🩷

This, of course, is going to a request for our best Spooky girl. In danganronpa despair time~ Veronika grebenshchikova, I feel she'd be the most interesting for this given her personality and interests. It'd probably be the most unique love letter in existence.

Veronika writing you a love letter

Valentine's prompts #5

Prompt list

Pairing:Veronika grebenshchikova x gn reader

A/n:I actually thought about making an actual letter on canva for this but it was to short and I was too lazy

Tw:a bit of talk about self-harm

Dear y/n

First of all, I am so sorry for leaving this in your dorm without permission, I know you said you don't mind, but I'm still sorry, I promise i didn't touch anything but I did leave another thing with this letter I'll give you some clues it's cute fluffy and may or may not be possessed by the spirit of a dead child....I know it's not that in theme for valentine's day but it was so adorable I couldn't not get it.

And before you freak out, this letter is written in red ink, not blood, turns out you can't write a full letter in blood, it's way too liquid, and also you'd need a ton of it.........so if you see me with a bandage around my finger You know why.

I know I'm sorry, but I thought it would have been so romantic to write my love for you in my own blood. It would have been like a sign that our love will be eternal, not that it already isn't. I would gladly rip my heart out and give it to you just to show you that it beats only for you if I could survive without it, like a zombie or like corpse bride I love that movie...........I just got the best idea for a couple cosplay.

Looks like I'm rambling even in a letter, sorry, but you do always say you love when I ramble about stuff I like, even with how gorey and creepy it may be, you still listen with so much interest, that's one of the many things I love about you.

And that's why I'm writing this in the first place, to tell you all the things I love about you, well not really I would need way more than a piece of paper to list all of them, your smile, your hair, your face, your screams, your laughter, your voice,your blood, your eyes, your inside (granted I've never seen them but I bet they look just as amazing as the rest of you)

The point is I love literally everything about you and just wanted to put it to paper on valentine's day, I assume you're already my valentine probably, is that how it works? Does it come in the package once you start dating? We become each other's valentines for all the following valentine's days? Anyway, still I love you and just wanted you to know that you're the love of my life and I wouldn't change that for the world.

The last thing I want to say is....thank you, just thank you for being in my life, I know we already talked about this and you don't like me to bring this up since it's in the past but I've stopped with the cuts ever since I met you and I think that just shows how great you are, you've helped me past the worst stage of my life and I genuinely could never thank you enough for that, every time I look at the scars I just smile and thank you, because you did that, you helped me move past that and you deserve the world for it, but my love will have to do.

Wow, it's been a while since I got this emotional over anything, but I guess that's kind of the point of valentine's day, to show the person you love just how much you love them, and i hope you felt that in this letter.

So let me say this one last time here, thank you darling, I love you with all of my heart ❤️

Veronika grebenshchikova

P.s:don't think you're getting out of horror movie night just because it's a holiday. You'd be surprised at how many horror movies there are about valentine's day or love in general, I'll wait for you in my dorm in a couple hours darling~

#danganronpa despair time #danganronpa despair time x reader #x reader #drdt x reader #drdt #despair time x reader #despair time #veronika grebenshchikova x reader #veronika grebenshchikova #drdt veronika #veronika drdt #gn reader

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on-wine-dark-seas · 15 hours ago

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So what finally convinced you to selfship?

Whew, this might actually net me some disdain, resentment, etc, but...I'm gonna power through this because I have a lot of opinions, and I wanna make it clear why I'm taking on this challenge.

So full disclosure: I don't actually really like Reader fics. It's not that they're not well-written. On the contrary, a majority of them are brilliant, and most of my favorite fics in this fandom are Reader[ish] fic. Now, the reason I don't like this is not because of the second-person perspective. I'm a longtime gamemaster, writing and speaking in second-person doesn't bug me. I've read The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin. Second-person can be a rad storytelling element.

What bugs me is the obvious farce of Reader fic.

I know a lot of writers and artists try their best to keep descriptions of the Reader out of their narration, but it almost always manifests and becomes glaringly obvious that the Reader is their OC stripped of name and defining physical characteristics. Even in the art, it's very clear that Y/N is an OC or a generic, skinny, white, feminine body.

Now, here's the issue: I'm a dark skinned Black woman with curly/kinky hair, and I'm not skinny or perceived as delicate [despite my best efforts]. When I see descriptions about my fave supposedly combing their hands through my hair, or my lips being plush and pink, or my CHEEKS TURNING PINK WHEN I BLUSH, I immediately separate myself from the Reader and replace it with what is obviously the writer's OC or self-insert. And there's absolutely no shame in them doing that! I am the CEO of the OC x Canon agenda, and I will always push for people to be fearless in creating OCs.

And so much of the Reader fic is making it painfully obvious that that's what everyone wants to do, and because no one wants to risk losing readers/views/kudos/comments at best, or being labeled the dreaded Mary Sue at worst, we get inundated with a lot of fanfic and fanart that clearly have heavy OC overtones.

I never see myself as the Reader because the writers are never visualizing me when they're writing the Reader. It's not even about the choices Reader makes in a fic, it's the obvious coding of the Reader's appearance, if that makes sense? I'm sure other Black women in fandom can relate.

So, because of this, I can't feel truly immersed in the story as if I'm the protagonist because the Reader is not me.

Does this look like a fragile, delicate, wide-eyed ingenue waiting to be seduced by the big, bad wolf? No. I am a woman of many vibes: I fuck. I fight. I curse. I spit blood and I dance until the sun comes up. I can also be very soft and sweet and affectionate [just ask the polycule], but most importantly: I'm Black as fuck; not just in appearance, but culturally. I come from Nigerian and American parents. I have a very rich cultural background that shapes and influences everything about me. And none of that is ever reflected in the Reader fics I read, and even some of the ones supposedly featuring a Black reader are holding back in significant ways. Yes, even the ones I praise and laud endlessly. Again, it's not about the quality of the writing, it's about the principle at its core.

And how could I ever expect a writer to account for a person like me in their stories? Why would I ever expect them to? Reader fics ring false for me because there's too many unique people out there to settle for generic nondescript details about the literal protagonist. And I have the misfortune of being in a fandom where that is mostly all there is to read. As a result, I have to do some extra mental gymnastics to enjoy reading fic. I would rather be reading about other people's OCs, if we're being honest.

I got tired of reading fic where I still felt like an interloper or outsider in a story that is supposedly about ME. And I decided to take the plunge and write a story that actually features me as the protagonist and love interest. Not the Reader. The Writer. I'm definitely not the first, and I hope I'm not the last. I feel like this is the natural progression for someone who exclusively writes OC x Canon.

On the other side of this, I understand why Reader fic has become so popular in the fandom. It's an easy way for people to get eyes on their work because now the readers feel like they can be invested in the story because the protagonist is them. And for some people, that's enough. But for those of us who are already ostracized, ignored, and even abused in fandom, and treated as Other, this is not always the case. It's not as easy as slipping into a new coat cut exactly to my size, and more like I'm in the writer's closet trying on their clothes and realizing that we're nowhere near the same size for me to be in there at all.

I hope the people who actually rock with me and my writing enjoy The Invitation when I finally release it. It's turning out to be a point of pride for me, and most importantly: the story is about me.

#muse's inbox #muse mail #Anonymous #on writing #on fanfic #gishiri #i have a lot of opinions on reader fic #as well as other stuff #but i hope this explanation is thorough enough #so folks know where i am on the matter #face reveal? i guess.#muse writes #muse gripes #fandom racism #呪術廻戦 #jjk

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calicowitchfork · 2 days ago

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Episode 12 review (rant)

Episode 12 might be one of the worst episodes so far. if not the worst. at least episodes 8 and 10 were so ridiculous we got some type of content out of it. But his??? We spend 90% of the episode talking about fuck all and the 10% we get with our crush is extremely underwhelming considering the situation they're in.

Jason found an unconscious Ysa on the ground after she texted him asking for help and this was still one of the most boring episodes. HOW DO YOU FUMBLE SO BADLY!? Yeah, him basically saying she changed his life and her asking him if he sees her as a burden (he doesn't) was a cute moment (and so were the blankets) but it's just not enough. Especially after the last episode. idk..Them not addressing the date from the last episode pissed me off.

I see the blurred vision they have for their relationship BUT waiting (and paying if you’re a vip) for a month only to get one moment is soooo annoying.

And then we have Devon. Don't get me wrong, the illustration is beautiful BUT the special scene is painfully underwhelming (they just talk about ghosts, nothing about that scene feels special) And yeah, just like with Jason there is one short moment that's pushing their relationship forward. When Devon said he thought they were already really close and then they almost kiss BUTTTTT let me remind you that we had a similar scene in the last ep. At this point they almost kissed twice (And both times they would've kissed if something didn't interrupt them) How long are we going to rinse and repeat the exact same scenario?

Anyway I am begging the fanfic writers to write this episode from Jaosn’s POV. Bro got a message from the girl he likes begging him to help her and then he found her unconscious, laying in mud in the middle of a forest. THE ANGST POTENTIAL

#my candy love #my candy love new gen #mcl ng #amour sucre #słodki flirt #jason mendal #mcl jason #devon okere #mcl

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valkierrie · 3 days ago

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ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀꜱ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀꜱ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warning(s): (Liam Gallagher smut), swearing, alcohol.

Plot: Y/N was considered by others to be tied down by her religion. She didn't think she needed anything apart from her bible, but upon meeting Liam Gallagher, he shows her the pleasures of life she was taught was taboo and opens her up to a world of Enlightenment.

Word count: 6.4K

A/N: A story I've been dying to get out, don't worry, I will be back on the requests for the Damon girlies and the one Noel request as well as Ian Brown. This story was hell to write and even worst to edit. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The chapel was packed, as it normally was on Sunday mornings. The church was bigger than most and could hold twice the size. The soft smell of freshly baked chocolate chip biscuits filled the air as worship leaders served them to entering bodies of people. I chose to sit towards the front. Not the front row, but two or three rows behind it. My own biscuit rested on top of a white napkin and set beside my Bible on the wooden bench.

As people filed, filling up the seats left and right, I wore the usual. A long-sleeved shirt tucked into a long skirt, finished off with the usual smile that was on my face when my eyes met someone else’s. There was the familiar sound of chatter as couples greeted couples and families greeted families.

Pastor Thomas took his place on the high platform, behind the large, white altar. His tall figure stood before the church, looking over all of us with an intense level of authority. Which to some extent, one could argue he had. The chatters turned to murmurs before it went to silence. He had that power. He didn’t need to speak to command a room, but when he did, everyone listened. Myself included. I admired him dearly. Always impressed with his self-control and discipline—qualities I lacked and wished dearly to grasp with the same firm hold he had on them.

“Good morning.” Pastor Thomas greeted.

There was a chorus of greetings all throughout the congregation.

“Now, today’s sermon is going to be a little different.” He glanced around at the rows of families, his face in an expression that I couldn’t quite decipher. “Let’s have our little ones onto the room next door, please.” He signalled for one of the worship leaders, who was guided the kids towards himself.

Parents ushered their small children towards the worship leader, some tinkering or fixing their clothes before nudging them towards him. He led them out of the large worship hall we were in and took them elsewhere. There were small conversations and shuffles as the transition occurred.

Pastor Thomas gathered everyone’s attention back. “Right.” He coughed. “Dear brothers and sisters in Christ—” His voice falters, as if the titles were poison at the edge of his tongue. “Though, I hesitate to call you that. Let’s not lie in the house of the Lord, you are all sinners.”

There was an echo of whispers all around the flock.

“Yes, each and every single one of you.” Pastor Thomas didn’t waver; his tone was cold and convicting. “As I am very clearly pure in the eyes of the Father, I am your shepherd, and it is my duty to make sure your souls aren’t dragged to the pits of hell.”

There was a small pause between his words, allowing us to take it all in. I wasn’t too sure I was taking it in well. I understood what he was saying, and it wasn’t anything new. He always spoke in this tone, but lately something strange had been simmering. I didn’t know how to go about it, really. I found myself doing less of the expected head-nodding and seal-clapping, instead my brow rose. I may have looked up to the man, but one couldn’t help but...inquire on his choice of words when he preached. I tried to orient myself in the way he preached, and the more I tried, the harder the feeling unsettlement settled. Even now, I was uncertain, but there wasn’t exactly anyone I could go about my thoughts with.

“Today, I bring upon you a topic that has been plaguing our youths and poisoning them, worse than any alcohol and drug in the world.” He spoke gesturally, using his hands to emphasise his point. “Fornication. Sexual intercourse before marriage.” Pastor Thomas’ hands touched the pulpit softly, though his grip was firm. “This topic isn’t up for debate, it is clear in the book, First Corinthians, chapter six, verse eighteen. You are to ‘flee from sexual immorality’ but instead today what do I see? The complete opposite. One can only wonder what our Lord in heaven and what I think about it all.”

There was silence, only sounds being made was the silent shuffling made by the movements of heads in agreement.

“Even something as small as the thought of fornication is destined take you to eternal hellfire. Unless you follow me, your fate is sealed.”

I adjusted my posture uncomfortably, moving my shoulders slowly. That last sentence felt targeted towards me specifically. Though there wasn’t any logical explanation or concrete evidence that it was, that didn’t stop my mind from betraying me. As of recently, I’ve been having... less than holier thoughts. The fleeting, unbidden thoughts. The kind that left small yet remanent wet patches on my undergarments. The yearning desire was strong, I didn’t understand why I felt this way, nor did I want to know. There was no way I was going to talk to anyone about it and risk the inevitable judgement that was to come. I couldn't. I picked up my Bible, like a sigil that was meant to protect me from the civil war in my mind. It wasn’t me anymore—the girl who found peace in a place like this. The sentiment was nothing show of a distant memory; I wasn’t so sure that I fit in anymore.

“I decree today...” Pastors Thomas set his gaze firmly on the congregation with importance, as if the following words that would come out of his mouth would become the next testimonies of the New Testament. “That as long as you abide to my words, your soul will be saved. If you don’t, don’t expect to be remembered for anything aside from choosing to separate yourself from God, after all, no one mourns the wicked.”

That was the last of what he said about it, and it left a dry taste in my mouth. Something felt wrong—something was wrong. Ironically, it felt like God was trying to tell me something at that moment. Pastor Thomas’ words covered my ears and his presence blinded my eyes. As the rest of the service went by, rather forgettably, my regard shifted to the glass windows. For what seemed like a few seconds, my thoughts drifted to what could have been, without any of it. The judgement or the expectation. The light peering through was bright, enticing, almost beckoning. Pastor’s Thomas’ words still lingered in my head as I walked home.

“You finally back to the land of the living, love?” Eliza called out as I walked into the flat. Eliza, my darling antithesis of a flatmate, laid on the sofa, feet tucked under her as she applied layers mascara over her eyes.

I sighed, removing my flats and leaving them beside the door. It took a few strides for me to reach the sofa and plop down beside her.

“How was it?” She asked, her gaze still fixed on the small mirror on her lap.

“Fine.”

“Uh, oh,” she teased, “that sounds eventful.”

“Eliza, please, save the sarcasm for another time. I’m not in the mood.”

Eliza smirked, moving her gaze from the mirror to me. “What’s going on?”

“Why do you think anything’s going on?”

“You usually have that stupid smile on your face after ev’ry church visit.”

A tired sigh escaped my lips. “Do you...” There was a flicker of hesitation in my tone. “At church today, something felt off...”

Eliza rose a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well...” I sat up, straightening my back. I wasn’t exactly sure how to sum up what was going through my mind in simple words. “Pastor Thomas was preaching about fornication.”

“Is that what’s got your knickers in a bunch?” Eliza rolled her eyes. “I’ve told you once and I’ll say it again a million times, getting a few good shags once in a while won’t kill ya.”

“It wasn’t what he said, it was how he said it.”

Eliza adjusted her position, turning her crossed legged self towards me, her head tilting ever-so sightly.

“He was authoritative, it felt as if he was playing God—or he thought that he was God. It felt cultish.” I sighed, this time not out of tiredness, but in discord. “It’s stupid. Maybe I’m just overthinking it...”

“It’s not stupid, you’re just...curious, that’s okay.”

“It shouldn’t be like that though...right?”

“How should I know, I haven’t been to a church in years, let alone picked up a bible.” Eliza snorted.

The humour in the situation hadn’t caught up to me, Eliza could see that. She placed the tube of her mascara on the coffee table, grinning. “Tell you what—I’m going to the pub downtown with a couple mates, why don’t you come?”

“A pub, really?” I blinked.

“Hey, don’t knock it,” She laughed, using her knee to nudge mine. “A change of scenery’ll do you some good. In addition, you get to see me in ideal element—chugging down pints.”

“Of course.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. I wasn’t sure what prompted me to accept her invitation, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt, especially since it I was adamant that this was going to be a one-time thing.

Eliza squealed, pulling me into a small hug as a reluctant smile tugged at my lips.

The evening took over quicker than I had anticipated, and I found myself stood at the entrance of a dodgy building, adjusting the blouse Eliza had begged me to wear.

“If you’re not going to wear anything flattering,” She had told me, rummaging through her closet. “Then at least wear this.” She had pulled out a small white blouse. The shirt was cropped at the bottom, the neckline was a low V-neck. Not low enough to give my mother a heart attack—just low.

Eliza pulled me by the arm into the pub. The place was packed despite the size.

“I swear,” Eliza tried to speak over the other loud conversations. “It’s never this crowded, must be a match day or summat.” She pulled me through the crowd of people. Her theory might have held validity because a few—a lot of a them wore jerseys. They stood, crowded near the bar, their gazes fixed on the small TV mounted on the wall. Screams and shouts were all over.

Eliza led me to a small table towards one of the corner windows. She greeted the strangers sat there with a smile and a simple, “Alright?”

There was an ensemble of greetings returned to her.

“I brought me mate, Y/N.” Eliza nodded towards me.

The row of eyes that fell onto me felt a bit intimidating. I gave them a simple wave before taking an empty seat. Eliza began chattin’ up one of her mates. It was clearly one she was very familiar with; anyone could tell by the way she moving her hand up and down his shoulder. From how he looked like and how Eliza had described him in prior conversations, I assumed it was her boyfriend, Alexander. I sat there awkwardly, not really sure what I could’ve done. My mind was all over the place and contrary to what Eliza had claimed, this was doing nothing to help. The yelling and rowdiness of it all rendered me unable to think clearly in the sloghtest.

“I leave my seat for 3 seconds, and some bird’s already nicked it.” A voice broke my thoughts.

“Excuse me?” I turned to the side, where the source of the voice came from, only to be greeted by a tall bloke. He stood with a lanky build, and short, shaggy, dark hair. He had a light blue jersey worn over his torso; the colour was almost as blue as his eyes. A lit cigarette dangled from his lips. I couldn’t lie; he looked quite fit under the low lights.

“I said,” he repeated. “You’re in my seat.” He took a long drag of his cigarette, exhaling the fumes, tapping the butt of his cigarette.

I was taken aback by the tone, and bit annoyed. “I didn’t see you sitting in it, nor did I see a name on it.”

“Got a right gob on ya, don’t ya.” He crossed his arm.

I opened my mouth, ready to say something, but whatever was about to come out of my mouth was cut short when Eliza approached. “Liam, finally. Didn’t see ya, was beginning to think you wouldn’t show.”

Liam, scoffed. “I wouldn’t show,” he mocked. “Yeah right. City’s playing United, like I’d miss that.”

“’Course, good old Liam Gallagher just couldn’t stay away.” Eliza chuckled; she turned towards me. “Y/N, you’ve met Liam, right?”

“Can’t say that I have.”

“Oh, yeah?” Liam smirked; he turned to Eliza. “You’re—uh mate here stole my chair.”

“Can’t steal something that doesn’t belong to you.” I retorted.

“That’s Y/N for ya.” Eliza shook her head, laughing. She turned towards the bar. “I’m gonna get a drink. You two want anythin’?”

“Just a pint for me, yeah?”

I simply shook my head.

“Suite yerself.” Eliza shrugged.

“You not drinkin’?”

I shook my head. “What’s it to you?”

“Nowt, just askin’.” he chuckled, pulling up another chair that was left unattended. “You’re at a bar, figured you’d get a drink or summat, but then again...” His voice trailed off, and his gaze lowered to my chest, where a small, gold, crucifix necklace laid.

“So, why’d you ask?”

“Didn’t wanna assume.” Liam shrugged. He exhaled another cloud of smoke, allowing it to curl between us. His gaze was set on necklace once more before his eyes met mine. “What brings a bird like you out here, then?”

“Stretching my horizons.” I responded light and sarcastically, placing my hands on my lap.

“Right.” He rolled his eyes, tapping his cigarette against the table. “And I’m the bloody Queen.”

“Eliza’s idea. She needs someone who isn’t pissed to take her back to the flat at the end of the night.”

“Nice thing, that.” Liam nodded, as if processing the information. “That shirt also her idea?” He nodded towards my top.

“Why d’you think that?”

“It’s actually got a neckline. Gives a blokes summat interestin’ ‘bout ya to look at.”

The statement caught me off guard, before I could respond, Eliza interrupted me once more, this time coming back with a long glass cup filled with the beverage Liam had requested, a cloud of foam overtaking the top.

“Cheers, love.” He thanked Eliza.

Eliza gave him a smile before returning to her other mates. Liam took sip of his drink.

“You’ve ever had one of these?”

I shook my head.

“Tragic, you’re missin’ out. This is heaven, this.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is.”

“It is,” Liam nodded in agreeance. “You should get one.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Ah, you one of ‘em proper good girls?” He smirked.

I didn’t like that question, at all. Liam could tell; the smirk grew wider. He kept going, as if getting a rise out of me was some kind of funny humorous thing. I didn’t feel like dignifying his taunts with a response. I stood up, ready to find Eliza or elsewhere to sit.

Liam’s hand caught my arm with a gentle grip. “C’mon, I’m just takin’ the piss. Fair play an’ all that.” His tone was still the same, but I could tell that he wasn’t outright trying to mock me.

“Right.” I pulled my arm away.

Liam raised his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, I’ll back down.”

I sat back down.

Liam smiled. “Let’s try again.” He stuck out his hand towards me. “Liam. Liam Gallagher.”

My eyes flickered from his hand to his face. “Y/N,” reluctantly, I took and shook it. “Y/N L/N.”

Liam leaned back, his grin widening. “So, Y/N. You ever head of Oasis?”

“Oasis?” I repeated, trying to figure out if the band held a place of familiarity. “I’m not sure that I have, what is it?”

Liam chuckled. “Only the best band in the fuckin’ world.”

“Is that right?” I rose a brow. “Why’s that?”

“’Cause I’m in it.” Liam stated it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“That sounds biased.”

“It’s not biased; It’s just a fact.”

That was the first thing that evenin’ that managed to get a smile out of me, I didn’t know why. His confident demeanour almost made me want to believe him. The rest of the evening went by pretty fast with Liam keeping me ‘entertained’ with stories about his band. They were unusual for sure, but somehow, they had managed to tug at the corners of my lips or made a chuckle escape my lips before I could stop myself.

By the time Eliza made her way back to me, the time was well past when I’d be in bed, and Eliza was stumblin’ about.

“That’s my cue.”

Liam nodded. I placed Eliza’s arm over my shoulders, my arm going around her waist for support, and helped her out of the pub. I wanted to say that I had a lousy time, but it wasn’t all bad.

Eliza mumbled some slurred intelligible statements in an effort to convey something, whatever it may be. For someone so tall, she was pretty lightweight. It was darker outside than a had been when we arrived, the temperature seemed to have dropped as well, the cold air hit me like a slap to the face. Almost made me regret leaving the flat without a jacket. It made sense as to why Eliza had gone without out. She’d be too out of it to complain about the cold.

We passed a strange-looking building; one I saw frequently on my way to church. It hadn’t paid much attention to it—mainly because it blended in well with the other buildings. Tonight, however, it was lit up. Coloured lights everywhere, mainly red ones. Women, many in various stages of scantily clad clothing, stood outside. Some leaned against the lamp posts while others were near the entrance or likely inside.

I paid them no mind, I had no business with them—plain and simple. As I gently dragged Eliza forward and down the street, something caught my eye—rather someone. Coming out of the building was a tall man, a woman’s arm interlocked with his. I recognized him immediately, and holy fuck.

Pastor Thomas.

Pastor Thomas grinned as the woman pulled him forward. Their lips were moving, but I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. But from the smiles on both of their faces and the ease between them, as well as the way her face lit up with a grin when Pastor Thomas handed her a few note, it was obvious what was going on.

There wasn’t a single bible in sight.

Of course, I was aware that people had lives outside of church, but seeing him coming out of somewhere like that? There was no logical way to put the pieces together without something being wrong. I couldn’t make sense of it.

It should have been obvious what was going on, but my brain supressed the truth. My head didn’t want to allow me to get to that point of acceptance. Not yet. I almost dropped Eliza from my shock. I adjusted my grip around her waist as I quickened my pace, hoping to pass unseen. As we did, I turned back, silently praying that it wasn’t who I thought it was—that fatigue was just playing a cruel joke on me.

Pastor Thomas’ eyes met mine. I couldn’t possibly tell you what going on in his brain. His expression changed, not to that of guilt, or embarrassment, or anything of the sorts. This moment felt like a page out of Animal Farm. I didn’t recognize him. His gaze felt like a was sort of a silent threat, a challenge of sorts. One that told me that he was aware of what I had seen and dared me to say something about it. I moved Eliza and I along until we reached the flat. I fumbled with the key until the door unlocked. Kicking it open, I helped Eliza inside.

I helped her out of her shoes, taking her to her room. I wasn’t exactly sure how much she’d to drink, but I was certain it wasn’t enough to let her sleep on her back. I adjusted her position, letting her sleep comfortably on her side.

In my own room, I changed out of my clothes and into my pyjamas. As I laid on my bed, sleep just wouldn’t catch up to me. My mind was begging for a conclusion—anything. It replayed what I had seen, searching and scanning for answers and loopholes. What I saw wouldn’t suffice. Was that what God was trying to tell me?

God, I sounded crazy, getting warnings from God. Now I knew how Joan of Arc felt. Was this what I was warned about? That my pastor taught one thing and did the opposite. I was undeniably disappointed.

If he couldn’t hold himself to the standards he had set, what did that say about what I stood for?

My thoughts didn’t keep me up for too long. I wasn’t sure when I had fallen asleep, but I knew I had when my eyes fluttered open and bright light spilled into my room from the small available cracks on my shutters. I blinked rapidly, allowing my eyes to get adjusted.

In the kitchen, Eliza leaned against a counter, one hand on her temple and the other on a glass of water.

“Remind me to never drink again.” She groaned.

“That’d be in vain.” I spoke with a dry tone.

Her head lifted, a small yet weak smile on her face. “Thanks for last night. Who knows where I would’ve ended up if you weren’t there.”

“It was nothing.” I shrugged. “It’s what a friend does.”

Eliza turned so her lower back hit the counter, she took a sip of her water. “How’re you holdin’ up?”

“What?” I blinked.

“Did last night help you clear your mind?”

“No,” I shook my head. “If anything, it made things worse.”

“How?” Eliza’s brows knit in confusion; her smile was replaced with a frown. “Was it Liam? You were talkin’ to him all night—did he say summat?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

There was a hint of hesitation before I spoke.“When I was walking you back home, I saw something.”

“Really?”

I nodded.

“Okay, well tell me.”

“I saw Pastor Thomas coming out of a building—”

“Is that it? ” She blinked.

“I think it was a brothel.”

Silence.

“A brothel?” Eliza repeated, in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“I know what I saw—” I said, my voice firm. “—and I didn’t see a bible or anything.

“wow...” Eliza's mouth was still ajar from the semi bomb I dropped. “You plannin’ on going back to that church?”

“I don’t know.”

“I honestly wish I could help, really, I do.” She spoke, her fingers massaging her temple. “But this hangover is doin’ me head in.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.”

Eliza gave me a sympathetic smile, placing her hand on my shoulder and squeezing it.

—

Days of loitering about on the sofa occurred. Times where I should have been at church, where spent in the flat, doing nothing in particular. Luckily, Eliza kept me fed and kept away anyone from the congregation who was “too curious” about my absence from the church. The weigh of it felt like a heavy rock pressing down on me.

It felt ridiculous, something so small, yet it held significance and I wasn’t sure why. Was my “belief” truly a belief if it had managed to be shaken by something like this?

“You can’t keep sitting around like this.” Eliza said, one morning.

I sat on the sofa, pulling my blanket higher over my shoulders. “Sure I can,” I argued. “I’m doing it right now.”

“You can’t.” Eliza rolled her eyes, settling beside me.

I didn’t say anything.

“If you’ve got nowt to do...” Eliza started.

I rose my brow, I knew where this was going. “No.”

Eliza’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “You didn’t even lemme ask.”

“Didn’t have to.”

Eliza rolled her eyes. “I was gonna ask you to take me to the pub. Again.”

“No way, that was a one-time thing.”

Eliza stuck out her lips in a small pout.

“That’s not going work.”

“It works with Alexander.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not Alexander.” I turned towards her, giving her a look. “And didn’t you say you were going to stop drinking.”

“People change.” She shrugged.

“Right.” I deadpanned.

“C’mon, please.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

Eliza grinned triumphantly.

—

Eliza and I found ourself in the same place we had been. It was like déjà vu, minus the blouse. I chose to stick with clothes that came from my own closet, much to Eliza’s annoyance. The pub was tamer than it had been the other time. There were actual visible empty chairs. Eliza greeted her mates near the bar. I sat further away, not really having much interest in them.

The scraping sound of a chair being pulled back caught my attention. My gaze turned to the side, there he was again, Liam. An ever-present and cocky smirk accompanied him. “Back again?”

“Yeah, I am. You got a problem with that?”

Liam shook his head, the smirk remained as he leaned back. “Not at all, didn’t see you for a while—got worried I might of scared ya off.”

“Great, now you’ve seen me.” I deadpanned.

“I would, but it’s not as fun, y’know what I mean?”

I rolled my eyes.

“What’s got you in mood, then?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but these last few days haven’t exactly been a cakewalk.”

“Lemme guess,” Liam leaned back. “You havin’ trouble deciding which bible verse to read before bed?”

My eyes narrowed slightly. That didn’t bother Liam one bit, if anything, it made his grin wider.

“My problem isn’t exactly that simple.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.” He chuckled.

My expression remained very much the same. I adjusted my position, placing my elbow on the table and my chin on my palm.

“Y’know what’ll be bound to make you feel better?”

“What?”

“A cold pint.”

“I don’t drink.” I reiterated.

“C’mon, love, why sit and stress when you can drink and forget?”

I just stared at him. From the short time I’ve gotten to know what he was about, I learned that he wasn’t what you’d classify as Harvard-level intelligence, but he wasn’t stupid. I wanted to get out of this funk—I really did. He seemed to know what he was talking about, and Eliza always did look happy when she drank.

“...Fine.”

Liam’s brows shot up, as if he didn’t quite believe what I’d just said. “Alright.” he nodded, standing up. He went towards the bar, telling something to the bartender. The bartender handed him two glasses. Liam sat back down at my table, sliding one of the drinks towards me.

“Try it.” Liam encouraged, taking a sip of his own drink.

I did so. The taste was...unique. I’ve had alcohol before, if you count the wine they offered at church. The liquid burned my throat, it tasted bitter. After I swallowed it, a strong taste remained. I shook my head a bit.

“Atta girl,” he grinned. “You’ll get used to the taste.”

“I’m not sure I want to.”

“It’ll grow on ya.” Liam encouraged with a chuckle.

I took a few more sips of the liquid and true to Liam’s words, the bitter after taste was almost numb to me.

“Feelin’ better?”

“A bit.” I chuckled. “My head feels fuzzy.”

I leaned back, unbuttoning some of the top buttons of my shirt.

“Look on the bright side, you look fit.”

I turned my head to look at him, a ghost of a smile playing at my lips before I could stop it. Heat rushed to my cheeks. “Is that what you tell all the girls you trick into buying a drink?”

“Only if they’re fit.” Liam shrugged. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

I leaned in close; Miscalculated my move. My drink to spill right on my lap. I quickly sat the cup right side up.

“Bloody hell.” Liam burst into a fit of laughter.

I stood up quickly, causing some of the drink to spill on to the ground. I released an aggressive sigh.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.” I rolled my eyes. “I swear, I’m never drinking again.”

“C’mon,” Liam stood up, grabbing my arm. “I’ll help ya.”

He didn’t give me a chance to give him an answer. Eliza saw us as we passed, her brows knit, I had barely had time to register it.

Liam led to the restroom, pulling me inside after him and closing the door behind him. He picked up a stack of paper towels, dabbing them over my clothes—uselessly. his efforts did less to help than he had likely hoped. I placed my hand over his, stopping him.

“It’s alright, I got it.”

“Lemme help.” he insisted.

“I don’t think what you’re doing qualifies as help.” I giggled.

“Counts as summat.”

My shirt was tainted by the beverage. I was certain I looked absolutely ridiculous. Liam just stared at me. I wasn’t sure what expression he was conveying to me.

“What?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, as if atmosphere between us was sacred.

“Go on then, tell me what’s been doin’ ya ‘ead in.” His voice was soft.

“Just stuff with my church.” I spoke vaguely, hoping he wouldn’t pry deeper.

“What happened?”

There was the hesitation again. I looked at his face for any hint of malice or insincerity, but I found none. With a sigh, I spoke. “My pastor preaches about abstinence before marriage, while he goes to brothels.”

Liam’s eyebrows shot up, laughter escaping from his throat.

“Shut up, it’s not funny.” I hit in the chest; Liam only laughed harder.

“Nah, it’s fuckin’ hilarious.” He grinned, wiping the corners of his eyes. “A brothel—now I’d pay good money to see that.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I don’t see how that would bother ya.”

“He’s a pastor, always goes on and on about how that kind of thing is bad then goes around and does? He’s a hypocrite.” I looked down at my hands. “I looked up to him, now I just feel stupid.”

Liam’s laughing subsided, fading. His expression fell to something softer. “Hey, c’mon, don’t say that. The tosser had no right to order you lot like that, ‘specially if he was doin’ that shit. You’re not stupid, alright?”

I looked up at him, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. The warmth of his words spread all throughout my chest. “Thanks Liam.”

Liam smiled, stepping closer. For a brief second, his eyes darted downwards to my lips, then back to my face. He just stared at me.

Then, before I knew it, his hands cupped my cheeks, pulling me close and our lips met in a kiss. A startled sound escaped my lips. My hands found his shoulders, my conditioned state yelled at me to pull back—to push him away, but I couldn’t. Liam’s hands slid down, finding my waist. His tongue had made its way inside my mouth, wrestling with mine.

He pulled away briefly, attempting to grasp as much oxygen as he could. I did the same, before I was pulled back, lips locking on to his.

The buttons of my shirt were slowly coming undone until it was completely off. Left in my bra, the cold had goosebumps slowly making their way up my arms. It was strange standing like this in front of him, but I had a feeling, an almost animalistic desire—primal. It didn’t Liam long to get his shirt off and on the floor. At the moment, there wasn’t a care in the world about how dirty they were. Liam’s hands grasp my waist firmly, his fingers digging at them. It wasn't painful, there was just a feeling of pressure.

His lips moved with mine, there was a strange sensation I felt as we moved together. I wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it, but it was...good.

Liam slowly moved me back against the wall adjacent to the one that had the sink and mirror attached to it. The cold wall hit my back softly, lips still moulding against each other. Liam’s hand held my lower back, while the other grazed my thigh, slowly rising up and under my skirt. It moved gently, there was no haste nor rush in his touch, as if he wanted to savour every second.

“You can... touch me, you know.” I told him. The brave tone in which I spoke with surprised myself. Perhaps the drink had an elixir-like effect on my brain chemistry.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I confirmed, leaning back towards him for a hungry kiss.

For once, I didn’t feel confined—trapped, that was how I felt and it felt fucking amazing.

Liam’s hand flickered upwards, a soft whimper escaped my lips. I didn’t why it did, but it did.

“Do that again.” I whispered.

Liam complied; another sound was expelled from lips. The lace of my underwear was toyed with by Liam, brushing against my entrance with a frustrating slowness.

Something between a gasp and a moan was the reaction that occurred when he slipped a finger inside. It stretched me in a way that made me shudder. The sensation felt odd—not in a bad way, just the unfamiliarity of it.

I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. Maybe it was the weird buzz in my head from the drink, or maybe my thoughts had been cleared and I had subconsciously realised that maybe those standards that I held myself to wasn’t how I felt anymore.

Whatever the case might have been, it felt liberating. A feeling of liberty.

Liam’s finger managed to get a hold of a spot that had my head tilting back and my vision blurred. Then he inserted another one.

“Ahh—” I gasped, my hand holding onto his shoulders tightly as his fingers thrusted inwardly. His angles changed ever so slightly, eliciting a feeling of anticipation.

I wanted—no, I needed more.

My hips bucked almost instinctively towards his hand. Incoherent babbles were all that were coming out of my mouth. Liam kissed the corners of my mouth, his wet kisses slowly trailing downwards. My breath hitched when Liam’s lips met a particular spot slightly above my collarbone.

I could feel a smirk forming against my skin. Cheeky bastard.

One particular thrust of Liam’s fingers made me jump, sending an intense feeling throughout my entire body. It felt as if I was having a heart attack, but without danger. My heart was racing, palpitations sending heavy vibrations throughout my body. The rate of my breathing increased rapidly, rising and the decreasing as the foreign, yet satisfying, feeling went away.

Liam’s fingers pulled away gently as the intensity slowly dissipated.

“You good, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I panted.

“Good.” Liam’s hand remained on my back.

Liam’s face came close to mine once more until our lips met once more. His hands rose to my upper back, fumbling with the hooks of my bra until it came loose. The light under garment fell with ease. My hands instinctually fell over my chest. I’d never been exposed to this degree if front of anyone, it felt new.

“None of that.” He gently pulled my arm down. “You look beautiful.”

My breath hitched. His lips grazed my collarbones, going lower and lower. My hands raked him dark brown hair.

Liam reached down to undue his belt, letting his jeans fall to the floor. His length looked firm, pressing against his boxers.

His eyes flickered onto mine, as if he were silently asking me for permission. I nodded. Liam pulled me close. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I hadn’t anticipated the stretch I felt when Liam slowly pushed inside me.

I took a sharp breath, my hands squeezing his shoulders. It hurt—it did. Liam did his best to accommodate that, moving slowly.

Liam groaned softly, muttering obscenities. “Fuck...” The pace wasn’t rushed—it was slow, but steady, slowly allowing the discomfort to be transformed to pleasure.

I couldn’t believe it, genuinely. I was having sex, and in a pub bathroom no less. It wasn’t at all how Pastor Thomas had painted it out to be. This didn’t feel dirty or wrong, not at all. I felt connected, our pleasured sounds over taking the bathroom.

It was simply too much. I caught sight of Liam’s damp forehead, his hair clinging onto his forehead. His pink-tinted swollen and moist lips kissed mine with ferocity. It was hard to keep up when his hips kept colliding with mine faster and faster...

I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t think at all. I wasn’t even kissing Liam at this point, instead I gasped and moaned into his mouth.

Liam’s pace quickened. “Fuckin’ hell... Yeah—fuck, so good...” Liam moaned. With a couple more sloppy thrusts, Liam let out throaty groan, his head falling on my shoulder. An intense feeling that I could only describe as pure euphoria took over. It felt like death. A heavenly way to die. My head tipped back once more; I was releasing sounds I didn’t even know I could make. I felt a warm, liquid-like substance filling me up. As soon as Liam soften inside me, he pulled out.

As soon as he did, the liquid dripped down my thighs.

I attempted to catch my breath, and he seemed to be doing the same. “You, okay?” He asked.

“Yeah. You?”

Liam nodded.

There was a small moment of silence. It wasn’t awkward or anything, quite the opposite.

“Reckon we’re proper filthy, eh?” Liam teased.

I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

Liam helped with me get sorted with my clothes before getting to his. His hands shrugged mine off as he buttoned up my shirt. When he finished, his hands found my cheeks again. He didn’t kiss me this time, just looked at me, as if I was someone important. Someone worth looking at like that.

My mind was racing, not with stress, just confusion. I wasn’t what this meant. Did this mean that my faith was tarnished?

I enjoyed it, I did.

What did it mean?

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