#i don't really mind the mindfuckery

[another-goblin]

Great character introductions continue.

[pharawee]

Gather around, fellow BL aficionados, it's time for part four of my Pit Babe novel commentary.

(And if you want to catch up, here are parts 1, 2 and 3.)

A word of warning: since I'm pretty far into the novel now (every post summarises five chapters) expect heavy spoilers, plot twists and revelations.

Oh, and omegaverse shenanigans. So many omegaverse shenanigans. You've been warned.

Also, a small warning for talk about and the aftermath of SA. As usual, please take care. 💜

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah: Way is the big bad enigma and he's been hypnotising Babe all this time - but gently (tm) because, you see, Way really, really loves Babe so that makes it all right...

Yeah, no. Get fucked, Way.

Currently, Way is still passed out on the floor, but as soon as Babe has come to terms with whatever the hell just happened, Charlie (who came to Babe's rescue just in time, remember?) offers to wake him up.

How? Oh, that's easy. He can put people to sleep at will. It's one of the many powers he absorbed from other powered alphas. That's his whole thing: he steals powers and just keeps them - like Rogue in X-Men but without any of the downsides. And as long as he's alive, the powers stay with him, never to return to their previous owner. Unless they die, in which case Charlie loses that particular power forever. Which in turn means that if Charlie dies... but keep that in mind for later.

Oh, and another one of Charlie's powers: changing his scent at will. Goddammit, Charlie.

As for how he knew that Babe was in danger? Jeff told him because he can see into the future. X-Men omegaverse, here we go.

But anyway, when Way wakes up he's confused because the last thing he remembers is SAing his supposed best friend. Now there's Charlie staring daggers at him, and one very angry Babe. Since Way is pathetic (but not the good kind) he attempts to explain: yes, he's actually Babe and Charlie's adoptive brother. Their father sent him to lure Babe back home and, well, get him pregnant. That was ten (10) years ago.

But, you see, Way is such a nice guy (tm), he didn't want to force Babe! Instead, he set out to ruin him for everyone else, thereby making it impossible for him to grow or heal or trust or love. Whenever Babe met someone he connected with, Way swooped in to poison his mind. And whenever Babe recoiled from that new connection, he turned to Way - the only person he could 100% trust. Or so he was made to believe.

So the Babe we meet at the beginning of the novel (and series) isn't really Babe at all. It's the version of Babe Way wants him to be - and for what? For ten years of pining and mindfuckery? What the hell kind of plan is this?

Oh yeah, the kind that gets you punched in the face. Thank you, Babe, you're really speaking my mind here.

And this is the part where the novel really shines because it doesn't just gloss over the implications of abuse. It doesn't leave Way's many empty apologies uncommented:

"I know what I did was unforgivable. I—" "Did you just realize this? Are you like this because I found out just in time?" Babe's voice boomed as anger flared in his heart. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, he couldn't. "When I'm unconscious, you can assume it's okay to do it, right?" "I didn't want to do it at all…" "I don't care!" Babe shouted. "The point is, I don't want it! And you have no right to do this to me!"

But when Way's attempts to nice-guy himself out of his predicament don't work, he tries to shift the blame onto Charlie. Because Charlie lied too and, after all, didn't Way warn Babe about him?

Yeahhh, he's still trying to manipulate Babe. Way isn't sorry at all, he's only sorry he's been caught. Or, as the novel aptly puts it:

For Way, this might be like a love confession. But for Babe, it was no different from admitting his crimes.

But the novel doesn't leave it at that.

"So what's next?" Babe asked in a calm voice. "Should I thank you?" "What…" "I asked if I should thank you because you didn't rape me?" [...] "Should I thank you for not forcing me to bear your child?" "Babe…" “Even for my life, my body, and everything about me, I still have to wait for your mercy?”

And that's that. Ten years of (false) friendship have been erased just like that.

Really, I'm sorry for adding so many quotes but this whole chapter is just perfect in its blunt directness. It excels in giving Babe back his autonomy - the very thing Way has taken from him.

We'll return to our regularly scheduled omegaverse shenanigans after this bit:

"Did you know that every time you said that [there was never anyone suitable for me], it made me feel like I didn't deserve anyone's love?" [...] "And it's as if the only love I can receive is love from you…" Babe's sobs were so loud that his voice trailed off, but he took a deep breath and continued talking: "…but you never asked me what I really want." [...] "You only care about your own desires. You want to have me. You want to have children. You tried to make me love you and then agree to have children with you. Even though you always knew that I never wanted to have children." "I know you don't want to have children. And I know why," Way replied with a look that seemed to understand. But Babe knew that he didn't understand anything, not at all. "But because I know. That's why I want to change your mind." "It's not your job to change me."

And then, when Way has the audacity to try and hug him, Babe throws him over his shoulder and slams him right onto the floor, and even Charlie is like, damn, guess for a moment there I forgot how amazing Pit Babe is.

Damn right he is!

Later that night, things are winding down and Charlie insists on staying with Babe - just to make sure he's all right. Because unlike some people (!) he actually knows when to give Babe some space, and so he settles down on the couch in the living room while Babe stays in his bedroom.

But, understandably, Babe can't sleep. There's too much on his mind, none of it particularly good. He misses Charlie and, really, he's in dire need of an emergency hug.

It's Babe who approaches Charlie (only of course Charlie knew all along because he has super hearing now and he heard Babe's tossing and turning. Goddammit Charlie). They reconcile and it's really sweet because, in stark contrast to Way, Charlie's apology is heartfelt and reassuring and full of compassion. He also knows that Babe has been through a lot, so when Babe engages in their usual ritual of make-up sex, Charlie is hesitant:

Babe is so strong that he can lift bigger people and throw them to the ground. But believe me, no one is mentally strong enough to not be hurt by dirty things like that.

I just love how clear and concise the novel is on this part.

Anyway, they talk it out and Babe says that he wants to try anyway. What follows is a really sweet sex scene (but don't worry, Babe's still getting railed by his daddy to his heart's content - some things just don't change). There's talk about wild horses. I don't know why and honestly I'd rather not dwell on it.

Meanwhile, Way is being chewed out by Khun Tony (aka everyone's least favourite adoptive father). He's quite a bit upset but, honestly, what did he expect? He's the one with the stupid plan in the first place. Why did he even agree to let Way pine into Babe's general direction FOR TEN YEARS until he maybe catches feelings? The dude can hypnotise people! Just order him to do his evil immoral job!

But anyway, it's too late now. Babe's powers are already gone so breeding him (whyyy...) is pointless. Tony has a new target now: Charlie.

To my immense relief even Way is like, ew.

But it matters little because daddy dearest has contigency plans in place (and where were these plans TEN YEARS AGO - worst evil alpha breeder ever!). He orders Way to leave X-Hunter and return home immediately - and who knows, once Charlie is out of the picture Babe might end up as leftovers for him. Okay then.

In happier news, Charlie wakes up the next day with Babe's hand on his, well, little Charlie. I'm not being a prude here, that's what Babe calls it. It's a whole conversation, followed by - you guessed it - more sex.

Something is different this time, however. Without hesitation, Babe tells Charlie that he loves him, and then he asks him to be his boyfriend - to which Charlie eventually agrees. More sex happens. Actually, all of this happened during a blowjob which is very on brand for Babe. Things get disgustingly cute when Babe realises that this is the first time they're ~making love~ as boyfriend and boyfriend. This leaves him incredibly shy. Thanks to Way's meddling, he never had a boyfriend, after all. This is his first time being in love, and it's exactly as adorable as it sounds. Only with more mindblowing sex.

This includes sex in Charlie's supercar after a training session right on the racetrack (again I ask, have you even seen the interior of a racecar? How? Where? And who's cleaning this up? The mechanics??) as Jeff and Alan watch from afar.

"Why don't the two of them get out of the car?", Jeff said quietly as he looked at Charlie's car which had been parked near the finish line for a while and he saw no signs of it coming down.

Oh, my sweet summer child.

But yes, I'm happy to report that Jeff and Alan are probably going to be a thing in the novel too. This Jeff isn't a mechanic though. He doesn't even study engineering but oceanography (because he likes the ocean even though he's never seen it - live your dreams, my dude!).

As they sit and bicker, Jeff is suddenly struck by what seems to be another vision of the future. Whatever it is, it can't be good because it makes Jeff cry. Uh-oh.

He asks Charlie to meet him at his condo, and Charlie immediately notices that something's wrong. Only this time it's not Babe he needs to worry about. It's all of them.

I'm worried too but mostly for my own sanity.

Remember when I first explained about Tony's evil breeding program? Ah, those were easier, more pleasant times. Because now Tony figures that if he can't get an enigma to impregnate Charlie, he'll just get Charlie to impregnate an omega (because apparently there's a 50% chance that the baby will be an alpha with special traits - why is this novel explaining Mendel's laws of omegaverse inheritance to me?) .

Jeff is an omega.

And this is what Jeff saw: if they don't act now, at some point in the future Tony will have Charlie and Jeff brought back "home" and use aphrodisiacs on them (one up for the trope counter!). Jeff will get pregnant and as soon as their baby is born Tony will dispose of both Jeff and Charlie. This will cause Babe to seek revenge and get killed in the process.

What did I just read?

The novel keeps this from us for a while, and just casually mentions that Charlie isn't overly worried. He even finds the time to be jealous when one of Babe's old acquaintances shows up to Charlie's next race. They argue. The race starts without them reconciling, so naturally that means Charlie has an accident during the race.

It's bad enough that he's transported to the ER. But as the whole team anxiously awaits any kind of news, Babe realises in dawning horror that his heightened senses are slowly returning to him. He can hear Charlie's slowing heartbeat and the doctors fighting to reanimate him.

He listens as Charlie is pronounced dead.

The novel then cuts to Charlie's funeral which is only attended by a handful of people, mostly members of Team X-Hunter. Babe does not cope well at all but at least he's got Alan and Jeff to take care of organisational things.

Speaking of Alan and Jeff. These two have grown quite a bit closer. Close enough that Jeff asks Alan to let him take a look at Charlie's crashed car. The police are already investigating but Jeff wants to see for himself. Hm.

Meanwhile, Babe is alone at his condo, going through several stages of grief all at once (really, it's heartbreaking but so is the length of this post so I'm trying to keep things short). He's interrupted during the bargaining stage by someone knocking at the door. It's Way and he's come to offer his help. Babe might be grieving but he's not stupid, and so they meet up at a coffee shop nearby.

Way all but confirms that Charlie's accident was Tony's doing. What he meant to do was incapacitate Charlie but unfortunately Charlie died. OOPS. What a brilliant plan, really.

Seems like even Way has had enough of Tony's evil schemes so he's banded together with another enigma in order to bring Tony down. Said enigma is actually Tony's eldest "son" who seems to have escaped from his control to do his own (financially very successful) thing and bide his time until Tony eventually slips up.

That enigma is none other than Pete.

That's right. Pete and Way have teamed up to bring down Tony, and they're asking Babe to help them. Babe tentatively agrees.

While this is going down, Jeff visits some random uncle's secluded house. He's greeted by none other than Charlie (now somewhat worse for wear but very much still alive) who's faked his own death with the help of a man named Reval. Charlie feels guilty for lying to Babe again but they can't involve him in this: once hypnotised, he's still under Way's influence (uh-oh...) and could risk all of their careful planning.

Their plan? Getting rid of Charlie's powers before Tony can get to them.

This is where Reval comes in. He also has powers: he can somehow disconnect an alpha (or omega or enigma, I suppose) from their powers - which is apparently a very difficult and time-consuming process (and would otherwise kill the alpha), especially with someone with as many powers as Charlie.

Why does Reval do this? Oh, he's Babe's real father who's been in hiding until now out of shame and guilt (and some memory loss). Surprise!

Also, very convenient. 🤡

[clavissionary-position]

Cyran: Okay, so, have you ever tried telling him no?

Roderich: (puts his mug down) We're talking about the same person, right?

Cyran: Okay, fair point. But what if you just, kind of...

Lucien: Negotiation.

Cyran: (points his drink at Lucien) That.

Roderich: I'm sorry, but again, we're talking about the same person, right?

Cyran: But have you ever actually tried it out?

Roderich: Of course I have. Why do you think I wear a hood and not an entire suit of armor?

Lucien: Noisy.

Lucien: Cumbersome.

Cyran: That's a good point there. Meaning you didn't actually negotiate so much as he was probably just messing with you from the start.

Lucien: Illusion of choice.

Lucien: Mindfuckery.

Roderich: Okay! If you think you know so much, how come you never negotiated with your master to be able to speak more than a couple words at a time?

Lucien: I did.

Cyran: Yeah, he used to speak in entire poems consisting of iambic pentameter before Prince Chevalier gave him permission to chill.

Roderich: (trying to comprehend the backwards logic) He needed permission for that?

Cyran: Pfft. Says the guy who can't even take restroom breaks without asking his master first.

Roderich: (aside to Gilbert) Permission to respond in all-caps, Sir?

Gilbert: Hehe, go wild.

Roderich: Thank you, Sir.

Roderich: (to Cyran) I JUST REALLY RESPECT HIM, OKAY

Cyran: YOU INVITED HIM TO HAPPY HOUR BRO-TIME!?

Gilbert: (waves gleefully) Thank you for having me.

Roderich: I don't keep any secrets from my master.

Lucien: (glares monosyllabically)

Lucien: Tool.

Gilbert: I hope you don't mind , but I also invited along—

Cyran: Do NOT say his name to me.

[11queensupreme11]

Hey queen. I wanna ask you something.

How dark will this story go.

Will this go similar to like Tsunami and BloodFlood.

Yes I know Percy will unfortunately go through a lot later on in the story. But right now Percy is still unaware I guess you could say.

I wonder how she will change as a person. Like for now she is sunshine and rainbows.But what she will be in the future. A person filled with hatred and despair.

Cause Jack warned her about getting involved with gods. That it will only lead her to ruin. She even knows before all of this in her own universe about mortals getting involved with gods and them getting a fate worse than death most of the time.

Percy is VERY VERY vulnerable and it doesn’t help that she is dumb. She very lucky nothing REALLY BAD has happened yet. But her luck will go out one day and I doubt it will be pleasant.

I remember you put in a post once that Percy will go through many things that happens to Mizuhime and even more so.

What I wanna know how all of this will affect her and the bonds she has and will have for others.

I want to know how this will affect her relationship with Anthonius.

Cause I know without a question of a doubt she will fear the concept of love. After all the Yanderes hurt others, kill others, and hurt her all in the name of love.

Percy will not come out of this the same person as she went in. I won’t lie she is strong but there is so much a person can take.

I know im talking quite realistically that something doesn’t happen in story but still.

I hope you can answer my question.

so in terms of darkness it's essie series < tsunami/bloodflood <<< arsenic blues; so it'll be very dark ESPECIALLY once we get to act 3 where the yanderes' actions become irredeemable as i warned before

there's going to be a lot of rape, a lot of brainwashing, and a lot of psychological mindfuckery basically

it's gonna be a lot worse than what mizuhime's going through because mizuhime can at least fight back, but percy going up against gods??? gods who are crueler than the pjo gods???? she does not stand a chance; she has no physical, emotional, or psychological protection up against all-powerful beings who are amoral and don't care if they gotta hurt her to make her theirs

when she gets yoinked back to the pjo verse in act 4, she gets the mercy of having her mind wiped at least, so she gets some time to make genuine bonds with good people like frank and hazel (and there's also the vague traces of anthonius that she'll cling on that helps her keep going), so she at least gets that

she won't really be afraid of love per se, but more so afraid of the yanderes. she'll see other people like anthonius, grover, sally, other demigods that she travels with as figures of safety, so she won't be afraid of loving them and them loving her, just of the yanderes because she KNOWS that her friends/family would never hurt her.

she has the tendency to suppress her trauma (as you've already seen before) so her trauma with the yanderes is something she'll definitely try to suppress when she's out doing the quest and bonding with the others....... but when the yanderes actually make themselves known is when shit hits the fan for her because the pjo verse, the place she once thought she'd be safe from them, is now no longer as safe as she once thought...

[littledollll]

Hey...sorry it's me again, but since you write for wanda, can I maybe request something with a fem reader where there's a little bit of mindfuckery going on? Basically reader wakes up in some sort of new reality, in a bed made for two rather than one, blinds to let the sunlight in rather than curtains to keep everyone and everything out, but they don't really question it because it almost doesn't feel real? Kinda like a dream? And suddenly they have a girlfriend, Wanda, who dotes on them, snuggles them in bed, watches sitcoms with them, somehow knows all their skeletons in the closet (mind reading hehe) and lets them curl up on her chest and cry it out as she soothes them, makes them snacks, helps them do basic tasks when they're (super) depressed. Unbeknownst to reader, Wanda has actually torn apart the multiverse to be with them once again after having already lost them in another??? I'm sorry if this is way too much

-🧸 anon (loves you)

Mastermind

Wanda Maximoff x reader

A/n: im so behind on requests im trying believe me! Writing is getting hard :/ but! this was so fucking nice to write, yk that random motivation. when I tell u it just came to me and I couldn’t stop writing- I love love love Wanda, specially her being rly soft and lovey:( ty for your request hun.

Warnings: kinda manipulation? Hex pt.2, slightly suggestive if you squint, lots and lots of soft kisses, mentions of r struggling with anxiety and depressive episodes, lots of comfort, mostly narrated.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A kiss. It was so soft. Intoxicatingly so. Her gentle hands cupping your face, the comforting weight of her straddling your lap made you feel grounded, and so safe. You whimpered when she parted from you, nuzzling into her chest while your arms wrapped around her. “My sweet little darling.. oh how I love you.” She whispered, her hands brushing your hair back and away from your face.

You didn’t know where this came from. Some day long ago you simply woke up and there she was. Wanda. You had a whole life with her. And somewhere between the fuzziness you remembered it all. How you met, everything from your first conversation to your first time. Your life before you got married, how you moved in together before then, and how your family disapproved of it. And god. That perfect wedding. The happiest day of your life, when it all finally came together for you, this was it. The stars aligned and have you this, gave you her.

In some part of your mind you didn’t know this woman, but at the same time you always had. You knew everything about her and she knew everything about you. Every little thing. You couldn’t bother to question it, if it was a dream then so be it, it was such a lovely dream, everything you could possibly ever want was right here. A beautiful and kind woman, with so much love and comfort to give. Wanda understood you, she allowed you to feel and cry but never alone, she was right here through it all. Allowing you to hide against her chest and pet your hair when you cried, telling you the most reassuring words, ensuring your comfort at all times.

It wasn’t a one time thing, you quickly noticed. Every day felt like a movie, every day she was the perfect woman, and she was yours. You’d watch tv together, listen to music and dance your hearts out.

Your favorite part was the cooking. Just like you were now. Both hands wrapped around her torso as you hugged her from behind, your girl, your wife. She let out an adorable giggle when you nuzzled into her neck and squeezed her tight.

“Are you planning an staying there the whole time darling or would you bother to help me out with our dinner.” She teased, her tone was scolding but so obviously not genuinely upset.

“m okay right here, my love.” Almost as if on queue the tv switched to play one of your favorite songs. You swayed with Wanda, holding her impossibly close and effectively preventing her from getting any actual cooking done which she was quick to scold you about yet again.

“If you want dinner you need to let me cook, dear.” You ignored her, sighing contently against her neck and closing your eyes. “Just gimme a minute to love on you, nothing wrong with giving my wife a little affection.” She let you. Her own arms coming to hug around yours, a bright smile painted on her face. She always looked so happy with you, even more so. It’s like all her energy recharged when you did little things like this, and the second you noticed you started doing it non-stop.

Wanda always gave you so much. She gave you her everything. The least you could do was give her these moments, ones where she took a deep breath and let her head lull to your shoulder, eyes blissfully closed and an always beautiful smile on her face. You loved this woman. Your beautiful Wanda.

“Let’s finish cooking mamá, I’ll help you.” You parted with a kiss. A sweet kiss like always, those kisses she’d giggle or smile into and give you a flirty little look, then go about her day like she didn’t know what she was doing to you. “Cut this up for me will you, darling?” You hummed and did a she asked, shaking your head to think about the now and not the events awaiting later tonight.

“Get your mind out of the gutter!” Wanda smacked you with an oven mitt furrowing her brows at you. “Dirty dirty mind.” You chucked and looked back at her. ���What! I didn’t say anything” she let out a drawn out, “mhmmm” before turning back to put some ingredients in the pan. “I just know what you’re thinking. Hurry it up I need those!” “Right right! I’m sorry!”

Wanda found it odd, that making this reality with you didn’t take so much of her power like others had before. Like your own mind was subconsciously giving into her without her trying to force it. When Wanda occasionally peaked into your mind to see if any dreams or memories about your old life haunted you there was nothing. When she searched for doubts about your life or any clue that you might be figuring things out she only saw the slight confusion of those moments there your mind briefly recalled having a life without or before her, but you didn’t dwell on them, in-fact you thought of them as your anxiety messing you up but never once did you doubt her. Like you subconsciously simply refused to believe there was ever a life without her.

It was perfect. She didn’t really trick you. She just treated you like she did you from her universe, gave you their memories and anything you could possibly need. And you seemed more than content with this life, with her. She was your perfect girl, and you were her darling little love. Both of you living the life of your dreams, together.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hiiii!!! I love your recs especially your historical romance stuff but I was wondering if you had any dark romances recs?? Like contemporary? I want to read some more darker stuff but the stuff booktok is on is mediocre at best.

Yes! Not as many as I'd like, tbh, but that's because a) time management issues b) me being excessively picky. Unfortunately, the flooding of the dark romance market means that a lot of them... are not good. Mediocre at best, as you say.

Soooo I would recommend Sierra Simone. Not just because she's one of my favorites, but because, if you're looking for something on the darker end but not like, "WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND" shit... Yeah. Would recommend her.

Her darkest series is her Thornchapel books, which does have some mysticism and magic to it, but not enough for me to properly call it paranormal (though I do sometimes). It's like gothic-toned. And it has one thing that even a lot of dark romances I read don't do. An extreme taboo, shall we say.

Basically, the plot (it's 4 books, all must be read in order) is that six childhood friends come back together as adults, with various issues with each other, etc. They find out about these bacchanalian rituals their parents used to do (think... orgies lol) and decide to take part on a lark, which opens some really fucked up, insane shit. There are two main relationships, one of which is MMF and one of which is FF. It's very kinky (think BDSM, free use, again a lot of group sex). It's very intense. Everyone does have sex with each other at some point lol.

If you want NO magic, her Lyonesse series is billed as dark romance, and while there is darker stuff out there, it's still dark. It's a retelling of the Tristan and Isolde myth, MMF, kinky. Basically: a banking heiress who wants to be a nun and enjoys killing people (for God) is betrothed to a powerful, cold kink club owner/former CIA killer man as a power trade. (This is contemporary, though.) Shit happens, and during their engagement (during which they're living in separate countries) he also begins a relationship with his sad-eyed 'd, beautiful bodyguard. Said bodyguard is heartbroken when he finds out Mr. Boss is engaged, and is sent to fetch her... and they begin something too. And also there are secrets. And murder. Some torture. Loooots of sadomasochism. Moral gray-to-charcoal behavior. One of my favorite endings in recent memory. Lots of mindfuckery.

It's GREAT. start with the prequel novella, Salt in the Wound, and go from there (must be read in order). I would also recommend reading her New Camelot trilogy first, which... Like, less murder happens? I guess? It's more political. But I still consider it on the darker end, tbh. There's kidnapping, there's war, there's betrayal, there's that taboo shit again, there's fucking while one of you has open, poorly patched bullet wounds and the blood is slicking between your bodies... Basically, this one of my holy grail series and I think it's perfect. MMF, very kinky, hot hot hot, cry cry cry, based on Arthurian legend.

King's Captive by Amber Bardan is BONKERS and a great dark romance (I need to read more by her, but again, time management problems). The heroine's father is killed by the hero in the beginning, and the hero sweeps her off to his private island. Flash to years later, and she's been there the whole time. And he hasn't touched her (not really). But things are boiling.... Very twisty-turny, and again, WILD. There's some good, weird shit in here.

On the mafia end, I'd recommend Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy (Italian mafia) which is super hot and has some good kink. On the "violence is all around us" kidnapping/biiiig age gap (no underage shit, but think 18 and 38) end. Mafia Madman is my favorite (and the darkest—he keeps her in a cage lol), but I'd recommend reading them in order. Kresley Cole's Game Maker series is a bit darker, Russian mafia, has a lot of murder, kidnapping, some wacky shit. Really well-done, especially the latter two books.

Run, Posy Run by Cate C. Well is a good Italian-American mafia romance, definitely darker, in which the heroine's boyfriend (who's like... kind of emotionless lol) finds out she was cheating on him. Except she wasn't. She goes on the run, he chases her, there's a lot of threatening shit, etc. It's great.

If you want to read some legit fucked up shit that's more on the erotica end of the spectrum (though there is still a pretty amazing central romance) then Tiffany Reisz's Original Sinners series is right there. This has some MESSED. UP. SHIT. Dubcon, noncon, underage activity, seriously risky kink (bloodplay, cutting, choking with a belt and with hands, lots of pain play—our main "hero" is a Catholic priest who can't get it up without inflicting pain, even though he doesn't want to like... legit hurt the heroine). Femdom, pegging, group sex, free use... you'll find it all here.

Not all of this series ages well. I don't love the underage stuff. I really don't love the way the author handles POC (there's like... one main character of color from what I remember, and she's basically a white guy's love interest, and she's great in theory, but boy do I dislike a lot of the way Reisz talks about her on the page). But it is fascinating in many aspects, and I do love the main three characters.

Catch: if you want it to have an HEA, just stop on book 8.... She revived the series after years with book 9. It sucks. It leaves you on a sort of open situation with no sign of when the next book will come out, and I'm not sure how that'll all... end up. It's really not good.

BUT the original series is over, and if you stop there the ending is great. And that's the only ending I acknowledge.

[ririnya7]

15 Day BL Challenge - The Sequel

Wanted to try this challenge by @slonekaru since I did the 1-15 one already!

Day 16: What show has taken you by surprise this year?

So this year I've watched A LOT of dramas and a lot of BL as well. So this was a really hard pick for me if I'm honest. So many good shows were released and I honestly can't keep up since I've been trying to watch old stuff along with the currently airing ones.

So I'll pick 2:

Unknown is the first. This show made me step out of my comfort zone in the most delicate way. I usually don't like step bro stories but this was by far the best rendition of the genre.

I love angst and this show surely delivered on that aspect. I loved all the characters and they're going to be a source of comfort for me for years to come.

4 Minutes

Another great show that kind of blew my mind a little bit. Despite the heavy plot and the general mindfuckery of it all this was actually a really good thought out show from start to finish. Considering the length (only 8 episodes) the show managed to keep me at the edge of my seat each week. The cinematography is what you'd expect from a BOC production and the acting was equally superb. I'm still thinking about it and probably won't stop for a while lmao

[confoundedpangolin]

okay so I got vaguely into the scp foundation a little over a year ago, mainly the scp stories, but I only really read a little of nightfall and the wanderer's library, and of course the antimemetics division. The antimemetics division. I've just seen an scp post and Had A Flashback and I forgot how crazy that shit is. Completely disregarding that nightfall and wanderer's library stuff I barely comprehended (and still don't), the antimemetics division story is a fucking ride. I don't want to spoil it too much, but Cosmic Horror Climbs Out Of Employee's Fucking Eye Socket and Woman Drugs Herself So Much She Can See Secret Bomb and Man Lives Time Loop While Memory Monster Steals His Mind But Then He Throws A Phone At It And It Works and mustn't forget Monster That Is Literally Everywhere Except That One Room. Tldr, I had a flashback and now I'm back on my scp shit, also go read the antimemetics stuff it's really good (if you want absolute mindfuckery)

[starlesswritings]

❪ ♛ › * ✰ ❫ ⁖ ⁀ ➴ just to live! ░. ꒱ pt. 2

GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD: extreme violence, gore, moral ambiguity, blood, major character death, lots of death in general, complete mindfuckery, tons of dead dove content everywhere you turn (well, that had been the idea, I can't remember if I ever wrote that far), anarchy reigns, tough decisions, wrong decisions, mental illness, trauma, graphic depictions of everything uncomfortable minus sex.

The audio logs of Vil Schoenheit as he finds himself in an unorthodox scenario.

No one who is cursed to be born into this era would ever imagine anything quite like how things used to be. They could not perceive what things were like before all of this happened. Before the world became crazy. Oh, I suppose I haven't recorded since that day, have I? A lot's happened since. I have commandeered a house — I do not have the confidence to go to my own — it's either gone or taken over. This house belonged to someone who kept to themselves. Place was spotless clean before I moved in. Except the bathroom, of course, but I don't blame that person at all. If I lived all alone... isolated, and I heard what had happened to the rest of the world out there... Maybe I too would have — *static* Power is spotty but still up, surprisingly — though I don't expect it to stay for much longer unless someone is out there, working the power lines every so often. It's a disaster zone. Who in their right mind would risk their life for electricity, WiFi, and the Internet? Actually, I do know someone... hm. Service is also still up, but since the beginning of this new turn in the age, I have been contacted by no one and I have not reached out to anyone myself. I am still unsure of the turning conditions, what causes our nightmares to become reality. Everyone on this street is either gone or dead. It's haunting, to see signs of life that once existed in these places. Homes that must have held families. I find myself with time, often wondering what has happened to these people, how exactly did they disappear? There is so much silence in this ghost of a neighborhood. It gives the mind plenty of time to reminisce, to look back, to think on kinder days. To wonder just where did everything go so wrong? I don't know. I've tried looking for my father, searching for news concerning him, but I have found nothing and my hopes are... not high. If he had been a bit younger... just a little more agile, as he was back in the days of his prime, when I was a boy... I can't seem to figure out if any of my friends are even alive. I hope they are. I really do.

Vil clicked the recorder off and stared out the window. Empty. Lonely.

These were feelings Vil had grown used to for a long time — long before the world had gone insane. He should have gotten used to the silence more, because that was what best described his life. He had been surrounded by so much noise that, in the end, it had all boiled down into silence.

Painful thorns encircling his body. Peering eyes that attempted to take him for all that he was. Invasive. Obsessive.

The truth was, that some psychologically wrong part of Vil was relieved that he no longer had to worry about the cameras and the press. He did not have to obsess over every stray hair and peruse through the memories of his life and discover that he was always putting on a show in an attempt to be wanted, to be liked, to be accepted by the people around him.

He had been controlled by the will of the populace, but that was gone now.

What did he want beyond absolute beauty? This world had far less need for the beauty he had struggled to achieve, certain aspects of that damned beauty he had desired for so long.

Why did he have so much time to think about it?

He didn't want to settle. He didn't want to lay down and accept that his life was simply going to be this. To wait until everything truly shut down and he was forced to kill or be killed.

And, he wasn't talking about the monsters.

Real people.

Just how twisted had society already become in the short time since the world had changed? Vil wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He wasn't sure at all. It was a terrifying thought that came to his mind. Already, he was positive that the world would never go back to what it had once been. Never again could he regain what he had lost.

Forever. Gone forever.

Perhaps it would be better to never run into anyone he had once known.

Was Epel okay? Was Rook okay? He knew that Epel had been in his hometown. There weren't many residents, and it was a rural area. He would most likely pull through. He was a strong man who could handle a lot more than his face let on. As for Rook... he had been in the heart of a metropolis. Even someone as amazing and skilled as Rook Hunt would surely find issues —

Vil was far too concerned about people who hadn't made contact with him at all in months. He was a fool. A real idiot. He should not have wasted his precious emotions and time on such people. It was stupid.

He hoped they were alive.

Vil had never considered himself much of an over thinker or over worrier in times now gone, but he was proving to be a little bit of all of the above as he went out cautiously, to scavenge around for more things that might prove to be of use to him.

It was survival. It was no longer considered theft if the owners were gone.

Or, dead. Right?

It was too much to think about, but Vil found his mind focusing on such unpleasantries.

They were, of a surety, most likely dead.

How did the people of this area die? Was it like the person this place once belonged to? Did they die like that or did they die fighting? Was it a family member who had ruined them?

Was Vil's father okay?

He had to be. Vil was sure a man like his father would be alright. He was a sane man who knew how to make the best of difficult situations. He would believe in his father. He had to trust in his father's skills. There was no other option. He would believe and hope that someone who cared what happened to him was out there and alive. He would hold onto that hope.

Vil cleaned the house with a rag. He wouldn't waste precious water for cleaning the house, but he still went about the motions of keeping a tidy house, even if the house wasn't his, and there was no real reason to do any of this. He had to have a reason. He made reasons. Vil was that kind of person. Clinging onto the semblance of normalcy that he had lost, he had to maintain certain aspects of a life he would never be able to get back.

House clean, he took a break and drank a little bit of water. Water was essential. One could not survive without water. He had no idea how long the water would stay, how long it would remain safe — he used old fashion methods to test for most conventional poisons, but there were certain things that had to be left up to chance. Every time Vil took a sip of water, it could have very well been his last drink in life. Who knew what was going on in places close enough to affect his life? Bombs or explosions could have set off chemicals. Radiation. Riots. Looters.

Just the other day, Vil had been forced to take care of a rabid animal. It might have been a rabbit before. It had lunged at him with bloodied fangs, and Vil had waited until the last millisecond before shooting to ensure that it could not move to evade. Risky, but worth it. Rabbits and bunnies were extremely agile creatures.

Rook had taught him that. Once again, Vil inwardly bemoaned the fact that he had not heard from the hunter whatsoever. Should Vil have assumed him to be dead? Most likely, but he couldn't do that. He could not envision the hunter being taken down by anything or anyone. Rook was not the one to be hunted. He was the hunter, and he was very good at his job, one of his biggest identities, something that defined him as a person (beyond his ever confusing personality). Perhaps even more than Rook, Vil missed Epel. He was less concerned for the younger man because he couldn't handle a decent fight, but because he was hot blooded and forgot to think things through sometimes. He would rush into unnecessary danger, and that worried Vil.

It worried him because he still cared.

Perhaps he should not have.

He was lonely, though. Vil did not like to admit it. But, of course he would healthily make the choice to admit it and not live in denial. He was lonely. He missed having a lot of people be around him, regardless of whether he talked to them, or not. The lack of human life was startling. Unnerving. A twenty year old man should not have had to go through such a disaster. But, that was a selfish sort of thinking. He had taken over a house. He wasn't starving. There was water, and he had been relatively safe this whole time.

What about everyone else? What about them? What about the poor souls that used to live all around this house? Vil kept thinking about them (there was little else to do, but attempt normalcy inside the house and think quiet thoughts into the night). Were any of them alive? Did they want to continue? Was their spirit burning inside them? Who had they lost, if there were survivors?

[andnowanowl]

Something that's been bothering me since the morning my ex sprung his accusations of abuse on me is that when I went outside that day, I noticed something odd about the garden. There were three bottles tucked under one of my lantana plants, a diet coke bottle and two water bottles. I found this weird because that morning had been garbage and recyling day. I had been out the night before and they certainly weren't there then. I tried to keep trash out of my garden.

I had been up with insomnia worrying over my ex's sister, who had supposedly gone to the hospital that night. My ex had been late coming home that evening and I began to grow worried. He is a teacher and with that comes my worrying his school had a shooting incident. Finally he texted and said he had been with his mother helping her get groceries. This wasn't the first such incident where he left me worrying that he had been gunned down in his classroom, so I snapped. I texted him whether he even gave a shit about spending time with me anymore, to which he responded (like an hour later), that his sister was in the hospital and that he was with her.

I immediately felt extremely guilty and apologized, asking him for updates. He told me to get some sleep, but I had been struggling with insomnia for months and with how guilty/worried I felt, I knew I would not get any.

During that night, I once threw my phone in anger because of how stupid I felt. That startled the cats napping in the room, who I apologized to and immediately felt bad for scaring. I also made an aborted kick to the garbage can because I was still angry with myself for daring to be selfish, then told myself I was being stupid for trying to kick it. I needed to open something in the bathroom with a knife at one point and grabbed it from the kitchen. I also drank a thimbleful of amaretto I was hoping to cook with at some point because I was worried the sister was going to die. I don't really drink and didn't want to be drunk, just kind of wanted that warm feeling in your stomach alcohol gives you.

What does this have to do with the bottles in the front garden, you may ask? Well, there was a window next to the door whose blinds we kept half open for the cats. A long, tall window that reached to about half a foot off the floor. The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that those bottles got there because these two absolute psychos (my ex and his mother) were sitting in the garden watching me through that window. All of those actions I had just described were visible through the window.

I did go outside to pull in the bins in the morning, and I honestly can't recall if the bottles were there. I was pretty sleep-deprived. But it was light out after I did, so I would have seen a passerby walk up and stick the bottles there. I saw my ex and his mother arrive in the driveway that morning; they had nothing in their hands. My dad and his friend certainly didn't put them there because they hate litterers. That leaves only one possibility, right?

Another odd thing I noticed that morning was that after I brought the bins in, I noticed a cop car creep past the house a couple times. I didn't pay it much mind at the time since I occasionally saw them in the neighborhood but did find it kind of weird that it came back around for a second pass. Had they called it for intimidation tactics (didn't work, lol)...or had a neighbor, spotting some people crouching in the garden, called the cops and the cops were late to the scene?

And when my ex and his mother were in the house trying to remove the cats, they took the knives and my razor. My previous razor had mysteriously vanished the past week, so I had opened a new one. I wasn't suicidal (though they claimed as such to my dad), so them taking the knives and my razor was another layer of mindfuckery.

My ex drinks diet Coke, by the way.

I know this shit sounds paranoid and crazy, but it's the only thing that makes sense. 😵‍💫

[havoc-warband]

In character, I gotta know why Ako, Vik, and Yurmia think their magic is the best and most valid. (@commanderhorncleaver)

HA okay okay i had hoped for this one to come back to bite me thank you

Akoviras (catalyst) thinks it's their magic, because elemental magic is like. a very standard form of magic, is in a lot of things, like the six elder dragons (fire, ice & water, crystal/earth, and air is uh somewhere between death and plants/mind then) and the eternal alchemy blablabla

Yurmia (chronomancer) thinks it's her because her magic is more magic in a "stage entertainment magician" kind of sense - it's less connected to the world's elements, more pure in that sense, and is all about deceiving someone else's senses, and for her, that's where the magic's at. also chronomancers fuck with time and if that isn't magic idk what is

Vikaros (soulbeast) thinks it's his magic because he's all about communing with his pets at a soul-level, and that's really primal in a way nothing else really is. earth, fire, etc are abstract-ish concepts when they relate to magic being practiced, and making someone else hallucinate is several levels into abstraction from what is the fabric of reality. his pets being there is a level of reality that isn't there in the others' disciplines

bonus: renfrac's (deadeye thief) is closest to yurmia; shadows, teleportation, appearing where you don't expect him to, slight mindfuckery but rather major when you take the non-conscious things he does into account too. but he's not invested in the Superiority Debate, in fact, he likes keeping as much as he can of what he can do a secret because he Doesn't Like Sharing and he likes having a Surprise On Hand in case he would ever Need It

[sighhsighhsighh]

This is for the person who is it.

I don't know when it will be. Who it will be. If it will even happen. But.

On the day you decide or remember to read this and it's true. Go buy yourself a lovely bottle of wine. If you still smoke get a few cigs. And sit somewhere and read this cause you are happy. And this is what you have always wanted.

If you're reading this and it still hasn't happened. That's okay. I hope you're still having good sex. Get a beer or whatever you like and read this if you want to.

It's the 1st of Nov 2024. It's been a worldwind of a year. Good, bad, sad, depressing, hilarious, fun, joyful. But, it's been a very anxious year more than you've ever experienced in your life. You're surviving thou.

Rn it's FF who is in the picture and you think he is insanely cute and currently feel all the butterflies a girl can feel. But you feel very unsure as well, which is fine. Keep your options open.

So the purpose of this note.

If he doesn't make you feel more settled than D, more exciting and thrilling than A and more girly than F (don't really have much experiences than this *rolls eyes* ) he is not it.

Girl. He needs to make you feel like you are the only one. The guy who will love you out loud and scream it cause he wants everyone in the world to know. Someone who will sit with you and discuss everything and who is so understanding. Someone who is up for adventures and thrives on excitement. Someone who dances. That's a full stop there.

Someone who dances with you. Good or bad dancing who cares but he dances cause he is dancing with you.

Someone who will make you feel like a little girl who feels excited about anything. Who let's you just be the girl. Who takes charge but is kind.

Who makes you want to be the most loyal and caring person. Who makes you respect them, as a man, as a person as a human. Who you aren't ashamed of or shy to present. Someone you would boldly call yours.

This is important. Someone who knows your mind. Who knows your tumblr. Someone you aren't afraid to show your username too. Someone you'd trust it with. Someone who will take care of your soul.

I hope he is cute. I hope he stares into your soul. I hope he makes your world turn.

I hope he has a family, ours will connect with. I hope he has a nice surname-_- no ordinary ones miss.

I hope he is genuine and loves animals.

I hope he likes to cook or we both know where it will go.

I hope he knows God. In his own way. I hope he has experienced that love.

I hope he likes to dance. That's so important. So important.

Good English. Bugger.

I hope you read this to him. That 22 year old who wrote this.

So real life insight cause I don't know how important they will be. A Evans's clang, Gunthi gf shinki. Rower. Alison W and possy. Roundtable, Rave - Aj yomal. Meth, chath, Gen, Gaya, Avi, Umar, FF. Sleeping on the floor mattress study room. Father - vault ccc

Anyways.

I hope you are clear. Straightforward. NO GAMES. NO MINDFUCKERY. I hope you understand.

I hope you like things I do. Songs. Music.

I apologise if I'm still as moody or worse.

I hope he has siblings that you get along with. I really do. I hope it works.

I hope he understands the chaos in our family.

I hope he meets gran and grandps. If not tell him about them. ALL ABOUT THEM. And how they loved you so much.

I hope he is older. I hope he has stories. You better!

I'm excited about him. Whoever you are. I hope you make me talk to myself about you and make scenarios up in my head. I hope you like jeeps and rugger. I hope you are what i picture life to be.

I hope you make me happy. I hope you make me better and put me in my place. I hope you teach me so much I become a sponge. I hope the sex is great. Like A great with F softness. It better be or fuck everything else and leave. Sorry. The sex better be amazing. You can find people to be there for you but not fuck you.

I hope you're laughing when reading this. Cause it is true. I hope it's a bottle of wine and you're enjoying it. I hope it's that and nothing else.

I hope it's you!

××

J - 22y.

[satans-codpiece]

Okay so I proved myself wrong, about me saying I'm dropping everything I'm doing to read your stuff. I found out about Eleven Years Chpt. 5 in the morning and had to go to work RIP. Needless to say I was very distracted and as soon as I got home I got ON IT-

Bit of a shame for my wireplay obsessed ass you didn't go a bit harder on that but GOd it was still hell of a ride. Reader getting handsy after the fucking and Ram not handling it well™ was.... oooooof. I'm so normal-

I guess since I got on the EY hype train, mind if I just, go nuts a little more??? I could be biased here cuz Ramram, but HOW did you actually, genuinely make me feel sad for the captor in a Stockholm syndrome scenario????? HELLO???? What wizardry did you pull to do that??????? Like yeah Ram kidnapped reader and is lowkey torturing them without fully realizing it, but he's so awfully genuine with everything else????????????

And just. Okay slightly late to the party but in chpt. 4, the conversation about Ram being afraid of touch both to not accidentally harm reader AND the reputation of his model is just....... When I read that, my reaction could only be described as going absolutely fucking feral. Bro do not EVER worry about characterization again because jeSUS CHRIST-

I actually ended up showing that set of paragraphs to a friend that isn't in this fandom much (likes a different hero a whole lot and is loosely aware of everyone else, kind of like me actually lol) aaaaand their reaction was pretty much the same as mine-

And to not ignore what you replied with my last anon ask bc lordy I'd feel bad: ... I mean.... if you wanna build up to a big piv scene.... *glosses over your WIP list* I can see Hanakaki going there pretty easily, without all the painful emotional mindfuckery that comes with kidnapping...

LMAO I feel like Blizz employees (the creative art-related team, to be more accurate) are not really allowed to interact with fandom so their ideas don't get influenced by fanon and therefore the company does not get accused of stealing ideas or whatever. BUT, here's a funny idea... since these people write fanfiction that is actually canon... Can you imagine someone writing out their dirtiest fantasies and said writing having to be actually archived at Blizz because intellectual property LOOOOOL-

soBBING THAN K YOU this was such a delight to open my inbox to!!!

hehehe for what it's worth, if I do end up writing the prequel there will be a bigger focus on wireplay (given that it's before he's made any modifications to himself) :3c

but ah I'm so glad you sympathized with Ramattra because that's exactly what I wanted!! He's done something awful- is doing something awful- but he's doing it because he loves you so much. Everything he's done, he's done because he's had a hard life and you were one of so few good things he's had. I really wanted the reader (ie the real people not the stand in character) to have... complicated feelings about this version of Ramattra.

and ;_; thank you... being OOC is truly just my nightmare of writing, I need my blorbos to be perfectly canon-aligned (or explicitly AU'd) or I'll die.

but in particular fjdshg yes! When Ramattra was actually striving for peace, he had to work against such heavy biases against him simply because of his model (both the vendor in Nepal and Nameless make comments on him being an r-7000 as soon as he meets them), so he must be acutely aware that he is treated differently than other omnics.

HAHAHA it's SO funny of all my WIPs you mention hanahaki... because 1) Hanahaki is actually like 4 paragraphs from being done and 2) there isn't a shred of nsfw in it! I wrote it just to write some angsty pre-relationship stuff, but ultimately just is emotional porn, nothing physical.

Ah that's probably to some degree true! I'd love to see someone working w Blizz just. sit on all their nsfw fics and works until they quit and be like. 'haha yeah i JUST made all these. definitely not under contract w Blizz dont worry about it :>' [piles of concept Ramattra porn fall out of their jacket]

[zealctry]

send a ship and ♪ and I’ll post a mini playlist ( meme ) / @kinslain

i see we're playing in hardmode now, because their relationship is truly undefinable. but here, since you also asked for music recs, I've gone a different route, and this is now a full-blown playlist (you can find here ; listen to it in order or else). it's a bit funny. . . these two are incredibly different, personality-wise, but they have some strange parallels when you stop to think about it. I loved making this.

explanations of song choices & lyrics below the cut.

1. darkside by neoni.   there's parts of me I cannot hide. . .. I've tried and tried a million times. cross my heart and hope to die:  welcome to my darkside! take a step into the havoc, look around. . .. this ain't even the half of it. walking the line between panic and losing my mind. 

present time/Akatsuki timeline. applies to both, imo, and it makes for a nice opening song to the whole playlist.

2.  mad hatter by melanie martinez.   I'm peeling the skin off my face 'cause I really hate being safe! the normals? they make me afraid. the crazies? they make me feel sane.  I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad, the craziest friend that you've ever had. you think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone, tell the psychiatrist something is wrong. ( . . .. )  so what if I'm crazy? the best people are! ( . .. ) &I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone ; that's probably the reason that we get along.

present time/Akatsuki timeline. Hidan pov. I mean, I wouldn't trust him with this, but he does derive great enjoyment from pretending to be a little ( or a lot ) insane around Itachi. ( emphatic gesturing to our current thread. ) he finds the game quite fun. what, don't you pretend to be nuts and stab-happy around people?? hahaha I might stab youuuu: what better way to bond???

3. gasoline by halsey.  are you insane like me? been in pain like me? bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? ( . . . )  and all the people say: you can't wake up, this is not a dream. you're part of a machine, you are not a human being.

timeline sort of jumps between the present and the past, highlighting cause and effect. general pov, but also Hidan pov. pretty self-explanatory, but here's where the parallels start.quite a few songs in this playlist are centered around how life as shinobi shaped them. this is certainly one of them. the last few lines above murder me, especially from a childhood perspective when the realization first hits, as they enter the system.

4. warriors by imagine dragons.   as a child, you would wait and watch from far away, but you always knew that you'll be the one to work while they all play. in youth, you'd lay awake at night and scheme of all the things you that would change . . ..  but it was just a dream.  here we are, don't turn away now.  we are the warriors that built this town.

childhood retrospective. I think it's pretty self-explanatory but just want to highlight the disillusionment and mindfuckery they had to go through with the shinobi system. Itachi's.... is selfevident. but Hidan maybe not so. I'll say it here, baby Hidan was a good bean. he wanted to do right by his village and serve it properly; he had big, naive dreams. then they made him into a weapon and tossed him tothe wayside, erasing his whole sense of purpose. ( but a shinobi is a shino is a shinobi, y'know. . .. )

5. natural by imagine dragons.   that's the price you pay, leave behind your heart and cast it away, just another product of today ( . ..  )  'cause you're a natural. a beating heart of stone. you gotta be so cold to make it in this world. yeah, you're a natural. living your life cutthroat. yeah, you're a natural.

childhood retrospective.  ah yes, speaking of being made into a weapon. the fact that 'oh you're a natural' is being emphasized over and over in this song just kills me. they were children! they were beaten and forged and shaped into this! (especially itachi, oh god.)

6. end of the world by arcando.   and if we're going down, we're going down fighting. . .. like it's the end of the world. sleep when you're dead because we've come too far to waste it. hanging by a thread. time to rise! we cannot break so hold the line.

self-explanatory, just give it a listen~ 

7. in the army now by status quo.  you're in the army now, oh, you're in the army now. you'll be the hero of the neighbourhood . .. ..  nobody knows that you've left for good! ( you're in the army now. )  ( .... ) you've got your orders better shoot on sight, your finger's on the trigger but it don't seem right ( you're in the army now!! )

if i had to choose one song in this whole playlist, this would be IT, for both of them. . . ..  yes, again with the trauma of the shinobi life and the point of no return. just give it a listen. the vibes are frighteningly real.

8. blood / water by grandson.   we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter. what you gonna' do when there's blood in the water...? the price of your greed is your son and your daughter . . .. .what you gona do when there's blood in the water?

general pov regarding the cost and consequences of the shinobi system and their fuckery. the song is too self-explanatory to warrant further blah blah blah on my part, I think.

9. angry too by lola blanc.  I don't know how to be just standing by blankly not getting angry! 'cause another and another coming up out of the gutter 'til I'm drowning in an ocean of entitled motherfuckers. and they're pushing all my buttons  ( ... ) does it get your blood boiling? does it make you see red? do you wanna destroy it? does it get in your head?  'cause it gets my blood boiling, and I'm coming unglued. it would eat you like poison if you knew what I knew. . .. you would be angry too!

present & past timeline, mostly Hidan's pov. you will have to tell me how much this applies to Itachi, but I can tell you that Hidan has a whole lot of built up anger and resentment towards his village, especially he village elders, the hypocrisy and mindgames and bullshit and pain they put him (and others) though for their own personal gain and political games.

10. savages by marina and the diamonds.   I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand. . . .I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of man. is it running in our blood? is it running in our veins? is it running in our genes? Is it in our DNA....? humans aren't gonna behave as we think we always should. yeah, we can be bad as we can be good. ( underneath it all, we're just savages. )

let's throw in a healthy dose of disillusionment with people and humanity, why not.

11. villain of my own story by unlike pluto.  fuck all the people sitting pretty with their sane minds. fuck, think I'm becoming the villain of my story.

and with themselves, how about that? but, of course, Hidan routinely circumvents facing this by dedicating himself to his god. y'know. purpose! doing the right thing. salvation is such a great thing!

12. killer in the mirror by set it off.  now I know.... there's no one I can trust. I used to think there was. tell me that I'm cutthroat, I think you got your eyes closed. feel the fear and swallow back the tears, let weakness disappear.  there's nobody but me here. . .. the killer in the mirror. (  'cause I used to believe in justice . . .. a place where there was better judgment. but now I'm feeling so disgusted. )

if I had to choose a SECOND song. . ..  the disillusionment, the realizations, the brutality of coming face to face with reality versus idealism. the slow murder of the self by others and themselves. I'm fine, you're fine, this is fiiiiine. ahaha. . .. :)

13. 8 legged dreams by unlike pluto.  when I go to sleep at night, eight-legged dreams arise. cobwebs in my eyes. never, never gonna wake up. stuck in a web of lies, paralyzed like a fly . .. . spiders don't sleep at night ( never, never gonna wake up. )

oh. this one... this one,  I will leave to you to interpret as you choose~  but I imagine it applies to both of them.

14. we don't have to dance by andy black.  you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself. I'll break it to you easy: this is hell, this is hell. you're looking and whispering, you think I'm someone else . . . this is hell, yes I am in hell. we don't have to talk, we don't have to dance, we don't have to smile, we don't have to make friends. it's so nice to meet you, let's never meet again! we don't have to talk, we don't have to dance.

present timeline/Akatsuki. both of their perspectives. they don't have to talk, they don't have to dance, okay?? lol. but this is more figurative than literal, about keeping people at arm's length, about them not knowing you beyond a front despite what they might think, about never letting them close enough to form any genuine bond. about bearing the weight of life in silence, by yourself.

15. everything black by unlike pluto.  baby, you should come with me . .. . I'll take you to the dark side. me and you - you and me.  do bad things in the nighttime. baby, you should come with me. and we can kill the lights, hit the lights, let it blackout, blackout.

present timeline/Akatsuki, Hidan's pov. I can practically hear Hidan going 'yeah, let me teach you how to live a little, Red Eyes' at Itachi in this song. but also, given the whole black theme, this is... certainly a little sinister, isn't it. idk, enjoyment in murder? ffs.

16. animal impulses by IAMX.   there's a cold breeze blowing over my soul, shine razor eyes in delight. shine razor eyes before you die, shine razor eyes in this light. there's a cold wind blowing over my soul.

the whole song is a mood due to its melody alone, but especially its sweetly sad melancholy. 

17. anthem by yonaka.  if I told you that you could be anythin' you wanted. . .. would you take those words and make it mean something? ( . .. . ) well, I heard it on the radio that we could be somebody now and we could rule the world.

current timeline/Akatsuki.  if they had any actual friendship points, this is a conversation that Hidan would, in fact, throw at him, albeit likely under a very thick veneer of sarcasm.

18. thoughts & prayers by grandson.  no thoughts and no prayers can bring back what's no longer there. the silent are damned. the body count is on your hands. ( turn off all the lights, nobody make a sound. ashes to ashes. . . . we all... fall... down. )

and we're all damned (all the mistakes, all the irreversible changes spurred on by forced and willing choices. no spinning the clock backwards. this is it, and there is no turning back from all the mess you've made). cue closing curtain.

[dramatisperscnae]

❓(I'm just curious if you have any for literally any set of muses but come yell at me in the IMs if you want me to pick some)

[send me a thing, I'll send you a plot || accepting]

-claps hands together- so

Bucky/Clint and Loki/Clint are ships I have never had the chance to play around with. Bucky because it just never really came up back in the day, and Loki because when it did come up most people wanted it during that whole thing with the Scepter in Avengers 1 and I'm not about that kind of mindfuckery >w>

I'd also not mind seeing the Doctor meet Corwin, as someone else who can travel between worlds without effort [between times is a bit trickier, but hypothetically it's possible since time moves differently between Shadows in any case; he's just never actively tried time-travel].

And I will also freely admit to the self-indulgent desire of seeing how Clint [or anyone, really, but mostly Clint] plays off of Conrad, who is the closest thing to a self-insert OC I have ^^; but I have no real plot for that other than Clint realizing some dumbass kid is trying to play vigilante and having to track them down so they don't get themselves killed >w>

[fioras-resolve]

i'm in this weird spot with my plurality and psychosis where it's like, yes i am terrified of fully losing control over my body and mind, it's threatened to happen a few times and i don't like how it feels. but also, a lot of this mindfuckery benefits me? like fang is genuinely really important to me, and my whole system is trying its best. i even think some hallucination, if controlled and not allowed to overtake me, can be good, or at least fun.

it's like, i don't want to go back to the unmedicated horrors, but i also don't want to go back to being a singlet. i tried that as i was put on antipsychotics, and it certainly helped me a lot, but i missed the company. the best thing i can say about that med is that it wasn't quite as effective as it originally wanted to be. i still take it because i don't want to get fucking assaulted by my hallucinations like i did when i was a teenager, but like, i have a pretty decent plural system at this point. i don't want that to go away.

honestly, like, i see a push towards anti-psychiatry in recent days, that like... i get it, okay? i'm not gonna say it's wrong or bad to be against the institution of psychiatry or the social construct of mental illness. turns out i don't have deep and well-read thoughts on complex political issues. i'm just a gamedev with issues. but, fuck dude, i can't deny that medicine like this has helped me. it's like transitioning, you know? i can't deny that making my life better has been a medical task. really i just, want to be happy. i wish that for everybody