#i don't really like the main characters though

[pumpkinpaix]

Very curious for your opinion- what do you think of it when people write modern au wwx as being very active in social justice movements? Personally, I can buy it but I don't think it should be a given?

maybe an unwise first question to pick out of my moldering askbox but whatever it's the first one that i felt like i had an answer prepared for off the cuff so yolo i guess!!

short answer: at this point, i don't buy it. It's a detail that I can and have put up with for fics i really like for other reasons, but i think it's pretty far off the mark in terms of how I understand wei wuxian's primary motivating forces.

ok now to get into the weeds! :D

there are several reasons why wei wuxian being heavily involved in social justice movements doesn't ring true to me--the easiest one to point to from outside the narrative is that the sort of activism wei wuxian is written to participate in is often modeled on how social justice circles look in the US. It feels really culturally alienated in a lot of ways. I can't really blame authors for this, though, because it's a very understandable approach to write what you're familiar with--but it does often take me out of the story because i find it kind of jarring, especially if the story in question is ostensibly supposed to be set in China where modern social activism necessarily looks very different than in the states.

but that kind of feels like metagaming the question, so: in terms of interpreting the text, i really just don't think wei wuxian would be inclined to that kind of work for two main reasons.

first: I think he'd be really bad at it lol. social activist movements are necessarily collaborative, and wei wuxian is kind of terrible at playing well with others, compromising, discussing, etc. he often favors action over diplomacy and has terrible impulse control, tending to act first, think later, often to pretty devastating consequences for the people he's ostensibly standing up for. See: antagonizing Wen Chao, which precipitates the chain of events that ultimately leads to the massacre at Lotus Pier; confronting the jins and basically threatening to kill everyone at jinlin tai if they opposed him, thus alienating all his potential allies and leaving the wen remnants essentially completely dependent on his individual power for survival etc. thus dooming them entirely when he died.

(also see: "can we stop talking and just start killing each other" at guanyin temple)

even really minor events in the past show the same kind of pattern, such as at the qishan conference when he throws his support behind wen ning as an archery competitor--wen ning panics in the spotlight and flubs his shots to public ridicule from being put on the spot. jiang cheng is the one who drags him away in mortification while wei wuxian simply doesn't give a shit about how it reflects upon him, not really considering how it might reflect on his sect.

i'm not saying that these were "wrong" actions to take in the moment: wei wuxian has an admirable righteous streak. he does not, however, always take other people into consideration when he makes his decisions. he basically ignores anyone who tries to change his behavior, sometimes carelessly, sometimes reacting with anger (Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji, literally everyone post-sunshot frankly). that kind of individualist mentality is really ill-suited to activism, which requires an understanding that the individual has less power than the group and that you cannot bend the world around you. a lot of fandom comes down super hard on characters like jiang cheng and yu ziyuan for the things they say to wei wuxian, but i think they're honestly quite understandable, even if the way they express themselves is sometimes cruel or hurtful. the rationale isn't particularly surprising. It's one thing to act in a way that gets yourself hurt. It's another to do so when you know that your position will drag a whole lot of others down with you.

i feel that even if wei wuxian had the interest in joining a social activist group, he would probably eventually butt heads with the others until they either expelled him or he left himself. his thick skin would be a great tool in certain calculated actions (he would do very well as a symbol or a charismatic fall guy) but unfortunately, he's not very good at listening or adhering to a plan.

second: i just don't think wei wuxian thinks about systems of oppression very much. i summarized how i feel about his relationship to class already in this post from like 4.5 years ago (jeez.....) and I still stand by it! wei wuxian is not particularly class conscious because he is, in fact, relatively wealthy. he also like, pretty clearly doesn't think very hard about women's work or status either, except in personal terms--after all, he plays with A'Yuan frivolously, planting him in the dirt and does not think about the kind of work that goes into maintaining a standard of living, which is often women's work. (before anyone says anything, yes, i am aware he is not outright misogynist about women's work). throughout the text, wei wuxian just doesn't put a whole lot of thought into how a woman's gender might affect her status and power.

furthermore, this is kind of mentioned in the class meta, but again--wei wuxian's defense of the wen remnants isn't singularly motivated by the desire to uplift an oppressed class, because the wens are not an oppressed class. They are a sect, which is both familial and alliance-based, not an ethnic group or a class of people. Their treatment is still unconscionable, but it's not systemic oppression. the attempted killing of all the wens is not much different than xue yang's vendetta against the yueyang chang clan, except in scale. and until wen qing comes and personally begs him to help her find her brother, wei wuxian doesn't really have any thoughts to spare for the wen remnants and how they might be faring. he goes to help wen qing and wen ning because he owes them both a serious personal debt, which is something that he feels strongly about! and once he gets to the camps, he obviously isn't going to just ignore the other people suffering (esp because they are the wen sibs' immediate family). he is righteous, after all, but often fails to apply it in a big-picture way.

wei wuxian cares a lot about paying back those who have been kind to him or have helped him, which is pretty evident through his self-sacrificing streak throughout the narrative. he often forgets or deliberately does not take his own well-being into consideration--but, as established, he also forgets that he is not an isolated entity and that his well-being is tied to the well-being of others as well.

throwing himself in front of the brand to save mianmian, making sure everyone else gets out of the cave before he does, immediately coming to terms with having his right hand cut off, giving up his golden core, publicly distancing himself from yunmeng, personally defending the wen remnants, taking jin ling's curse mark onto himself, making himself into the yin flag at the second siege and so on--it's all one long extension of paying back debts, in some way.

personally, I think this is because he considers his entire life to be one that is owed--his life, his skills, his body etc. is all owed to others. I also think, however, that this tendency is often confused by fandom into characterizing wei wuxian as having low self-esteem, which he patently does not. wei wuxian thinks he's hot shit. he's arrogant, a show-off, and is so insistent in his own skills and abilities that he icaruses himself into literal bits. when he thinks he's about to lose his right hand he's like welp. guess i gotta learn how to do this with my left, without really any question about whether or not he can. of course he can! he's wei wuxian! can he bring wen ning back from the dead? for sure!! definitely!!!! can he totally do this night hunt blindfolded? hell yeah he can! and he's usually right. i think wei wuxian has very low self-worth, which is a different thing: he throws himself away at the drop of a hat for others that he cares about or feels indebted to because, whether consciously or unconsciously, he thinks that their well-being, survival, happiness etc. is something he should ensure at any cost, even himself because he owes it to them. he owes his whole existence!

so circling back to the initial topic, I think this pattern of thinking is pretty at odds with social activism. he puts those he feels he owes above himself, but doesn't have a lot of attention to spare for people he considers irrelevant--which is most people. (never learning jin zixun's name, for example). I think that while he understands the nature of systems of oppression to a certain degree (like, he understands jin guangyao's motivations, but he's not particularly interested or sympathetic), it's not something he's really passionate about correcting. his reaction mostly seems to be like "well, that sucks". he only really goes out of his way to defend those that he has personal affairs with or those that happen to pique his notice

wei wuxian doesn't actually have big-picture ambitions. he didn't want to be a leader of anything or start his own sect or anything else. he doesn't spend much of his thoughts on making a better world so much as how he might be able to be content in the world that exists with the people that he cares about. that kind of self-focused drive leaves me unconvinced that he would get involved in social justice in any meaningful way in a modern au. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think that makes him a really fun protagonist, tbh. the tension between his selfishness and his propensity for self-sacrifice makes for a very interesting dynamic.

.....

:'] i guess i never left the weeds.

(ko-fi)

[everythingisamazing]

I actually think Jayvik not kissing in the finale was the right choice. Even though, I really wanted them to. Here's why: 1. It would have felt rushed. While both seasons could have done with roughly 2 more episodes, I feel like they managed to tell Jayviks story in the time they had up to the point where we last see them well. We basically saw enough to understand Jayces emotional progression, realizing how important Viktor truly was to him and why he chose to die by his side. But adding a completely new element into their relationship a literal minute before what they presume are their final moments, would have imo been more for the satisfaction of the viewers than something super fitting for the characters to do. (It's really about the timing - as I have explained here, I am a firm believer that post finale jayvik would 100% kiss). I mean, imagine it from their pov. Jayce just finally managed to convince Viktor to even let him stay by his side, because Viktor feels like he doesn't deserve it. I don't think he is going to do something he isn't absolutely sure Viktor would be willing to accept, in the little time they have left. And as for Viktor - I am quite certain he does understand how Jayce feels about him in the end, from peering into his memories and judging by the look he gives him, right before they embrace the final time. I think the novel sensation of kissing, was not as important to either of them in that moment, as was simply holding on to each other. It's a bit like the final scene in "Seeking a friend for the end of the world", where the main characters are lying in bed, knowing they are about to die. They don't kiss in that moment. Doesn't mean they weren't inlove. (Actually, now that I think about it, it's a lot like that scene and I've just made myself sad remembering it) 2. I would argue that because in the world of Arcane the forehead touch has a broader meaning than a kiss on the lips, it is better suited to show the all-encompassing-and-beyond-anything-we-know nature of Jayviks relationship. It doesn't mean that it isn't romantic also. In the same, final episode, we can see a couple from Zaun, who are clearly in a romantic relationship since they have a child together, do it before saying goodbye. So the show explicitly shows that the forehead touch is something that is done with the people who matter most, whereas a kiss can be a more casual thing in comparison. Of course, there is always the argument that the creators didn't make them kiss because they were queerbaiting all along. I was kind of on the fence about this, but ever since starting to analyze scenes and write meta, I've become pretty convinced that what they wanted to create, was in fact what ended up being in the show: an almost unfathomably deep, soul bonding, fate defying relationship, that spans across different universes. So yeah, kiss or no kiss, Jayvik canon.

[tmnt-enjoyer]

Thank you for tagging me @cursedcatchild.

Favorite Character and 1 reason why: Mikey, he's always been my favorite in any alliteration, however in this one he's extra badass and also very sweet. My second one is Donnie, I love evil scientists and I also admire his intelligence.

Least Favorite Character and 1 reason why: Splinter, it makes me a little sad to put the turtles' father here but it was going to be said. He may be a strong and capable martial arts master, but, I don't think he's a good father, he's always been distant and when I mention this I always remember the episode where Donnie tries to be a father to Sheldon. Mikey compares his behavior to their dad's and I feel sad looking at how they set him as a bad example on what you should not do. So, yeah, Splinter.

Favorite Villain: Big mama, she's a very peculiar character, I'm really curious about her and her story, she's a very good villain: manipulative, sinister and cold. She's like the coolest mafia boss and so evil!!! The second one, is the Kraang, an alien race that comes here out of a portal, the idea has always been so cool!!! And the angst potential! All the turtles were shown their own angsty moment and I love it!!

Least Favorite Villain: I don't know, maybe Meatsweats or something, those were kinda mid.

Favorite Duo: I love Pb&j duo or smarts and crafts, I just hold them in my hands, they are so precious to me. I also like the twins duo, it isn't my favorite but I like it.

Favorite Ship: Probably Leosagi, though, it sometimes clashes with my aroace Leo headcanon.

2 reasons why you like ROTTMNT: This is my second favorite ilitaration of the turtles, I love the concept of mystic powers, I think it is very unique, even more with the concept of yokais, those are very unique to me. And also, one of the main focuses of the story is family, mostly the brothers, I love family bonds and I feel they are more open with their feelings and fears off screen than their other counterparts, and that feels dear to me. I found my favorite movie in this fandom, the ROTTMNT movie brings me so much joy and emotions, it's perfect. In the show, it shows that family isn't perfect also, and it's such a genuine message I love. And those are the reasons why I love ROTTMNT.

Some tags: @out-of-users

Calling all ROTTMNT fans

Hi i'm new and I've been seeing these on Tumblr, so I thought to do one :) Btw tag your Rottmnt friends to do this to!

Favorite Character and 1 reason why: (Mine is Donnie because he's funny XD)

Least Favorite Character and 1 reason why: (Mine is the Leader of the Kraang bc of what he did to Leo..)

A character you think is attractive(Can skip if you don't have one): (Mine is DONNIE >:))

Favorite Villain: (Mine is Kendra, or Big Mama)

Least Favorite Villain: (Mine is same as my least fav character)

Favorite Duo: (Mine is DISASTER TWINS)

Favorite Ship: (None tbh)

2 reasons why you like Rottmnt :3: (Mine is because it's a genuinely funny show, the humor in it is great, and the characters are so well done.)

Your tags: (Mine: @donniecrazy20, @geese-ball, @mycomars, @tonystarkwasrobbed, @ihateitallsomerandomguy, @yourlocalmia, @sockkllyy, @strawberryswirl4321)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

i've realized recently that the source of my frustration with malleus (and i do like him) comes from the story not acknowledging the responsibility he has for his own level of isolation. it's like that story of a dog sitting in a cage although it's finally been opened, not leaving because the cage is all he knows (which is prominent in other stories as well; trauma shapes us. i those stories tho we are shown explicitly that the actions of the characters are wrong: riddle shouldn't be emulating his mother, idia should try to go on living despite the loss). with malleus though we have the story explain to us that his cage is a super special one, which is why he can't get out (which is also true for jamil-kalim, for instance, but they are both encouraged to process their cirumstances emotionally, even if they can't change them practically). and like. that's not entirely true? obviously malleus is under a lot of stress due to having to monitor his emotions and his royal status, but it's not the whole issue (at least imo). throughout the majority of vignettes and early main story content he actively engages in anti-socializing behavior (disappearing on people, not taking them seriously enough, not putting in enough effort into understanding them), so then seeing him be so upset not to be invited... feels strange? why is he expecting others to recognize his loneliness and keep reaching out to him when he isn't reciprocal?

and in itself i don't think it's a problem either. i do think this kind of behavior is typical for some people and i partially empathize with it as well. the problem is that the story treats him as being right instead of showing how his trauma impacted his way of thinking, leading to him making the wrong choices. clearly recognizing since childhood that you are a danger to others while also being brought up as "the chosen one", the only living relative of the ancient and powerful family, has some impact on the conceptualization of the world and others in it as different from you, weaker, not to be trusted and sometimes not to be understood. malleus has a very good reason to think of others as below him: in magical strength they are. it explains his thinking, but it shouldn't excuse it.

so i really wish there was at least some story bit showing malleus actively reaching out (how idia's ceremonial robes shows his attempts and how his mode of thinking prevents him from successfully connecting with others despite his efforts) and failing to do so successfully due to his own mechanisms rather than the comedic "woe is me" bit it often evolves into. i feel like his inability to understand technology (particularly the phone: complex, multi-purpose, neither durable nor stationary) can be seen as the metaphor for him not understanding people: rather than appreciate the things it allows him to do, malleus constantly bemoans how fragile and therefore useless it is, even though we know he can use technical appliances as long as they are straightforward enough and can take care of his gao-gao kun as long as he cares to see it as important enough, given to him by his (almost) equal. and so i wish the story highlighted that it's his responsibility, not the phone's to figure it out.

being "the chosen one" is difficult and isolating, but at a certain point you HAVE to try to leave the cage on your own. you can't be staring out the window longingly for the rest of your life.

sorry for jumbled sentences; i struggle to word this thought better, but i wanted to share it with you regardless, because i find that you are neither needlessly negative nor forgivingly positive in your outlook on the treatment of the characters in twst.

[This ask sort of goes along with my “Why I don’t like Lilia anymore” response!]

Thank you for your feedback and expressing your (very detailed) thoughts ^^ I've previously expressed similar frustrations with Malleus doing little to help his own situation.

I understand that Malleus has had a lonely upbringing (and honestly his behavior has been largely enabled by his caretakers and handlers), which would come to socially stunt him. His immense power and frightening reputation certainly doesn't help his situation either. Malleus being twisted from THE Maleficent explains the running "joke" of him always being left out of group gatherings. A lot of this is learned helplessness. Learned helplessness can quickly devolve into willful ignorance. It eventually gets to a point where it feels unrealistic and grating. This is especially because the narrative tends to frame Malleus's loneliness as purely the fault of others and their inability to understand him... even though I think it makes complete sense that others would not like him??

These people have no understanding of who Malleus is (beyond the name and title) or of his background. From their perspective, all they see is someone who constantly ghosts them, dismisses them, and doesn't reach out to connect despite their own multiple attempts to do so. They email him, send letters, visit him, conduct group searches, etc. all in an effort to fetch him. "What are we supposed to do," Azul questions, "begin every meeting by searching for Malleus? This is HIS problem."

Malleus gets defensive and deflects when Lilia calls him out for using excuses for not being at dorm leader meetings. "Are you questioning my intentions? You of all people? Humans often fear us creatures of the night. Many avoid our company out of sheer fright. It was you and Grandmother who taught me that. And you were both right. It's not my fault I don't attend such gatherings. The humans who fear me for no good reason are to blame." Though Lilia chastises Malleus for this way of thinking, the narrative will ironically go on to almost weaponize Malleus's loneliness as a means of making everyone else around him look as though they're lacking empathy when Malleus shares a fair bit of the responsibility for continuing to not respect his peers' time. Why are his peers not granted the same amount of leniency as Malleus is? It seems grossly unfair. It's always Malleus's classmates who are putting forth the emotional effort and labor to contact him, but almost never the other way around. The onus is, for some reason, always on them and never on him 😭 even when he must be aware this is a repeated issue??

On the rare occasion where Malleus is proactive, he turns others off by making arrogant comments and/or refusing to truly take the human perspective to heart. Malleus is putting forth little to no effort to resolve his own social conflicts with others, which only further perpetuates the problems and misunderstandings. I'm not saying that this is easy or that it should be easy for him, but the fact of the matter is that Malleus is granted several opportunities to engage with his peers, yet he squanders most of them, even when he is provided advice + wisdom from Lilia and corrections from his classmates.

Those that shun Malleus are frequently treated as though they are in the wrong for their perspective, and that’s so frustrating. The game never outright says “X is a bad person for being afraid of Malleus or getting upset at him for showing up late!” But it’s pretty clear how Twst wants us to perceive them from how often they explain away or justify every instance of Malleus failing to socialize. He has a messed up sense of time, everyone is so scared of him, he doesn’t want to break invitation etiquette, etc. These all feel concocted to make us feel bad for Malleus and want to take his side. I really dislike that so much of his appeal rides on these “woe is me” tactics.

Not once does the narrative suggest that others are correct for feeling anything negative towards him or even slighted by the inconveniences he causes. It’s in Malleus’s favor, forever painting him as “just misunderstood”. Malleus is frequently depicted as a victim of circumstances, and presented as someone we (the players) should pity and want to uplift because "no one else sees him like we do". He is left stunted and his loneliness is retooled to be a "moe" trait to the players, or used as a punchline to a joke. I honestly think this is the main issue with Malleus's character writing: he's not ALLOWED to seriously be held accountable for anything he says or does because 1) his character development has to be held off on until book 7 and 2) he has to be kept as the player’s “special friend”, therefore few of his other classmates can change him or get to know him intimately. And Malleus’s Very Real Issues are often relegated to a “haha isn’t he so cute and pouty?” or “oh no, he’s ANGY” moment in order to endear him to the player. His writing constantly feels like it is struggling to balance actually making sense and making him silly just for the sake of appeasing the audience. This is endlessly frustrating, and not even the only instance where Twst does this. (Another example is how Silver’s legitimate health condition is marketed as part of his appeal.)

One moment that really rubbed me the wrong way was at the end of book 7, when Lilia… apologized to Malleus for not realizing Malleus was lonely???? I was so shocked when Lilia dropped that line. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s responsibility to read Malleus’s mind, especially when be fails to properly communicate his thoughts. Maybe Lilia feels responsible for him, or maybe the point is that Malleus struggles to convey his emotions in a clear and concise manner (as his post-OB backstory shows us). However, when this moments comes after years and years of Malleus not taking accountability for his words and actions, it really does feel like an affirmation that Malleus is never in the wrong (even when senators aren’t hovering to literally tell him he did nothing wrong); it’s actually everyone else around him that’s responsible for not paying enough attention to his wants and needs. That… feels so incredibly off to me 😭 All characters should be allowed to make mistakes—but when the universe acts as though the mistakes Malleus makes aren’t actually mistakes, it’s basically the same as absolving him of them without asking that he put forth the same amount of effort to reflect and improve as an individual.

The irony is that there are loud Malleus fans on the English-speaking side of the fandom that will defend his actions by blaming those around him 💀 literally by deflecting and pointing fingers at the senators, at Lilia, even saying the other OB boys are “worse” than Malleus just so he can come out of book 7 “clean” and having done no wrong. (That last point particularly unnerves me because it lacks empathy for the others in the cast and minimizes their experiences. How would you feel if someone was talking down your trauma and saying you’re “worse” than another traumatized person??? Not good, I bet. We shouldn’t be saying person A’s trauma is somehow worth more or less than person B’s.) This is another way in which Malleus is enabled and encouraged to never change, because few people (whether in-universe or in the fandom) call him out for his “oopsies” and make him self reflect and grow.

I find your technology comparison interesting 🤔 It suggests that, given the right scenario, Malleus can learn to socialize with others, just like he can learn to play with a virtual pet. The issue is… what WILL it take to get him to that point?? He has already been granted many chances, has a handful of open-minded classmates or those that are not scared of him (Ace, Deuce, Jade, Floyd, Kalim, Rook, Cater, even Rollo), and Lilia there to help him out—but none of these have proven to be significantly useful to Malleus’s social growth. The end of book 7 seems to imply that nearly losing Lilia and literally having a part of him cut off is what it will take to get him to see the other side?? That feels so unnecessarily extreme and implies even showing Malleus some simple way to understand engaging with humans wouldn’t have helped him?? We needed to scare him into actually valuing putting forth all this effort into better understand other races??? Am I to understand that Malleus did not view connecting with others (50% of which is in his hands) as an important responsibility until he literally almost brought about a cataclysm and nearly permanently killed a loved one?? I… don’t think that’s intended, but that’s partially what I’m walking away with 💀

“[…] it’s his responsibility, not the phone's, to figure it out.” This point makes me think of when Malleus fries his phone with lightning, thereby making it impossible for him to receive text messages. In that case, he’s the one that damaged his phone. The fact that he did not get the intended message isn’t the phone’s fault when he was the one that shot lightning at it. Therefore, it is also Malleus’s job to repair said phone so it can work again. This should also be true of his connections… and I’m REALLY hoping this is what book 8 may cover.

[velvetvexations]

Adding on to the Anon talking about analysis of m/m fandom? So much omegaverse is some of the most heavily transmasculinised shit (sometimes positive, often negative). Like most of it is bioessentialist nonsense and way too much of it has the theme of "if you get dicked down well enough you'll accept your true gender and feel comfortable being (an omega/a woman)" (it's fiction. I'm not here to judge people's jack off material or tropey escapism per se, but given the way society is? I will side eye the sheer amount of omegaverse with these underlying themes. Maybe just think about things and context occasionally. Just a little)

but the fact that there's a significant genre where men are shown to be treated with misogyny specifically because of their biology in relation to reproduction and often have primary sex characteristics like wombs and vaginas etc but secondary characteristics of facial hair, flat chest etc. To me omegaverse is the direct transmasculinised equivalent irt "it's not trans it's a fantasy sex" to f*tanari (including the insane amounts of intersexism in both genres). Like what else do you call a genre where "a (woman/man) looks like a conventional cis version of a (woman/man) except they have a (dick/vagina) and are sexualized because of it in a way commonly associated with their genitals" is the main aspect

Like a lot of omegaverse relies heavily on transandrophobic tropes. The "character hides their gender to get opportunities but once they are safe they can finally be who they really are aka allign with their biology" is practically a staple of the genre. I've come across so much omegaverse that makes me want to just go up to the author and say please never speak to a trans man or masc ever.

Like I am generally a let people do what they want in fiction kind of person but the fact that the relationship to real life dynamics is so obscured makes it impossible to tell if these people recognize what they imply with a lot of this stuff. There have been some great works in the genre that use a different universe to explore gender well (I've read some good fics where a character is trans in the omegaverse gender (though never in a transmasc equivalent way I wonder why 🤔🤔🤔) so I don't think it's all just garbage) but the sheer reliance on biology as a cornerstone of the universe just makes so much of it inadvertently extremely extremely transphobic among other things

Omegaverse is absolutely the transmasc version of futa, and like futa, that doesn't make it inherently immoral or anti-praxis but it does require a bit of self-awareness and being careful about things as much as one would with anything else.

[windcarvedlyre]

While I'm at it, have a compilation of depictions of Barbatos. We know Mondstadt's are inaccurate:

but it really takes the piss.

For reference, here's his canon stripper archon outfit as seen in the webtoon and a TCG card:

I'll assume the missing ring things in the last image are an error. And that the TCG looks different for actual Teyvat residents; it would leak sensitive information about gods otherwise. The only difference I can see in the TCG depiction is the wings look more like... actual wings, but gold-rimmed fabric is still either fused with or draped over them.

With that in mind:

Statues of the Seven

Robes cover everything but his arms and face

No adornments on his wings or chest

No fusion of wings and fabric; instead they float a small distance from his back, attached to nothing

No cecilia

'Gateway to Celestia' statue

Outfit shows his figure more, especially his legs

Drapey sash thing over one arm and spiraling around him

Chest adornment but no wing adornments

Wings attached to back; unclear if they're meant to be attached to the fabric there or go through it

No cecilia

Wind, Courage and Wings depiction 1

(aka the fairytale Amber gives us in the prologue)

Outfit halfway between the above statue's and the stripper one

Chest adornment (simplified), no wing adornments

Gold-trimmed fabric over his shoulders extends into points instead of fusing into his wings

Simplified version of right leg sock thing

Left leg bare, no teal marking

May also have the booty shorts

Right arm bare, left maybe sleeved all the way to torso

Body wrapped in sash, maybe more loosely than the main statue

Lower part of sash maybe draped around both wrists

Something (maybe the sash) trails off, green/teal and semi-transparent

Wings have teal tint

Cecilia with green leaves

Wind, Courage and Wings depiction 2

You know. The same book.

Sash gone

Almost his stripper outfit except:

Wings still teal and unadorned, now also transparent

Other inaccuracies from depiction 1 present (no gold trims or teal lights on most of the outfit, though the crop top thing has one now)

No 'tail'

Cecilia leaves still green

Dvalin's story

This is a visual accompanying an account from Venti himself; unsurprisingly it's much more accurate. Some of the discrepancies could be intentional simplifications for the cutscene, but maybe the fact the finer details still don't match has implications about the story's accuracy.

Still lacks many gold trims and teal lights

Teal markings not present

Wings look like inorganic extensions of his outfit's fabric again, albeit with a subtle teal gradient and strange zigzags

Wing adornments finally there but lack spikes for some reason

Bonus: 2021 birthday art

From the official twitter. Faithful to the webtoon design except:

Thin gold trims along borders that previously lacked them

Pattern inside hood

New notches in crop top thing

I'm unsure if this is an overly detailed version of him for fun or if we should consider this his true canon design. The TCG card doesn't really clarify except the neck might have a gold trim:

So maybe?

In conclusion, Mondstadt doesn't know what Barbatos looks like and we might not either. At best some sort of transition from dressing more like his previous form, which happens to have detached 'wings' like his Statues of the Seven:

to the way he dresses now could explain some but not all of the discrepancies. But it's very possible (and maybe aligns better with his character story) that he's been using his current outfit for god business the entire time and all of his depictions are wrong.

Maybe the real archon outfit was the friends we made along the way.

The one constant is they always look like Nameless Bard.

[coffeepaintwater]

thinking about the yunmeng jiang sect and the jiang clan. you get two colors because i'm sick of them.

also a close up because the quality gets notoriously knocked down a notch every time i post:

noootes:

this started as a "oh wwx was pretty liked as a head disciple wonder how all those little disciples he taught are doing" then i remembered oh right, they aren't doing at all bc most of them are in fact dead.

so that was cute.

but yeah wwx helping out a younger disciple after a night hunt and also an oc of mine?? ig????

i really wanted inner sect relations content and there aren't a whole lot of characters from yunmeng jiang despite what one might think, so jiang shili was quickly born. kind of love the fucker not gonna lie. his ancestry is up there, but i imagine him living a comfortable life without much expectations as his mother was from a less prominent clan and his father was an inner jiang disciple far from the main clan. he would be heir-apparent only after a whole lot of people died (jiang fengmian, yu ziyuan (yes, i do believe she could have led the sect despite the setting being against that notion), jiang cheng and maybe jiang yanli? the main clan's bloodline would have ended with her though, so i don't think so.), since jiang fengmian didn't have any siblings. and yes, i do imagine he dies in the wen attack on lotus pier.

also, i wonder how the rest of the sect took jiang fengmian bringing wei wuxian to lotus pier. besides the obvious rumors and displeasure at the rift it caused between the two of the clan's leaders, i think at least one thought it was so fucking funny. "nephew, why on earth would you think this child can become a disciple? nephew?? nephew why does the child have a golden core????? whose son is he????????" new hc that several cultivators were convinced that not only is wei wuxian jiang fengmian's bastard, the man had been raising him somewhere underneath lotus pier (yes. underwater.), helping him start his cultivation until he thought the risk of yu ziyuan drowning him on sight was lesser.

at least one auntie was crying laughing at the mess her useless family was making.

and how does. the sect actually work. yes, there's the leader/sect leader, followed by his clan/the main family. the elders (which we don't actually see in lotus pier i think??)........ then... the disciples...? ig? but then, there must be order to that as well. there must be a name for the senior cultivators out of training/combat-ready that are not part of the clan/main family. because if there is no distinction then it wouldn't make sense at all for wei wuxian to be head disciple to older and more capable seniors. and being a head disciple is by definition about leading fellow disciples of your level/generation. that's also assuming that any specialized functions like doctors/talisman masters/liberians would take on personal disciples instead of passing their craft onto their offsprings or picking random non-cultivators off the street for it.

btw, yes i am a wei changze/cangse sanren/jiang fengmian weird little love triangle truther. except cangse sanren didn't give a fuck about him and wei changze was in the end too bothered by the way people constantly referred to his status in the sect to stay with him. boo hoo jiang fengmian, no bitches???

[mscaseys]

honestly, certain shippers insistence that mark/gemma is a doomed ship but theirs isn't is especially absurd when you consider he/ena's role in gemma's abduction and torture.

so they're saying that mark and gemma's marriage is unsalvageable because "it's been two years, they've been through a lot, so they're completely different people now" but they think reintegrated mark will have no issues with the knowledge that hel/yna was, at the very least, a co-conspirator to the kidnapping and torture of his wife????? do they think he/ena getting gemma's name wrong, while being aware of the aforementioned kidnapping and torture, will be a non-issue for reintegrated mark in retrospect???? make it make sense

like if mark/gemma is doomed so is their ship 🤷‍♂️

i get your frustrations and i think a lot of that discourse has to do with what s2 has shown us tbh. like before s2 aired, i fully expected helena being helly's outie to be a huge point of contention for the innies, but they basically don't really care at all? hell, even when omark found out imark was with helena's innie, he barely reacted (though i can chalk that up to him being #lockedin with the rescuing gemma mission). so i think a lot of the audience not caring about the fallout of helly's outie being helena is because the show itself hasn't made it a huge point of conflict yet.

that being said, i too hope s3 addresses that because it's one of the more interesting aspects of the show to me. one of my main issues with s2 is how they gave some huge reveals but then never really follow through with how those reveals affect the characters. and i can make up so many excuses for why they weren't properly explored for thematic/storyline reasons, but i think i'm also allowed to be disappointed about the payoff, especially for a show that strives to be character-driven.

i think it's also why gemma as a character was so well received (at least from what i've seen both on and offline) because her reveal to be mark's wife in s1 had huge payoff in s2 with 2x07 and then their reunion in the finale. she's basically the catalyst for the events of the second season and her rescue in the finale is the most satisfying arc to me (even if i didn't especially enjoy seeing her scream for mark, but that's a different thing altogether). like the s1 reveal was that she was alive and held prisoner in lumon's basement, and s2 ended with her being freed. see? not so hard! we also got a bunch of omark crashouts, which were realistic and satisfying responses to that reveal! and obviously the challenge with her character now would be where her arc goes now that she is free (hopefully, but i seriously doubt they'll recapture her again that would just be bad writing).

i do agree with reintegrated mark having issues, and the thing is, if you look at s1, he wasn't ready to move on with anyone. so that's why i find the whole idea that he's going to miraculously 'fall in love with helena eagan bc love transcends severance!!' a bit... ridiculous. even without all the baggage of being next in line as the ceo of lumon, outie mark wasn't ready to move on from gemma (until the s1 finale, where he is considering quitting his job, before finding out that she was very much alive). and now that gemma is alive and free from lumon, the idea of him divorcing her because 'they're too different from who they were 2 years ago!! no way they could ever come back from this' is such a reductive idea to me (sorry). again, not to say that everything will be fine between them because this was traumatic for the both of them, but them breaking up and him running off into the sunset with the person who was at least complicit in gemma's kidnapping + so involved with lumon (who, from outie mark's pov, destroyed his life) seems like such a leap to me.

now i'm going to gush about mark and gemma so stop reading if you don't care for them in a romantic capacity but i think it's also no coincidence that they gave us a mark and gemma backstory. they really put in the effort to establish that they were married for 4 years and were loving and have been through the good and bad with each other. the show didn't need to show us flashbacks, but they did because they want us to be invested in their relationship. i also know way more about them than any other relationship because we really got to see their dynamic. before 2x07, yeah i knew mark loved gemma but to actually see what he lost? to see how they actually were with each other? i come away from that episode with a newfound understanding of why he severed in the first place, and how high the stakes were in getting her out. i know a lot of people don't particularly like/care for the romance in severance and that's fine, but for me personally i love mark and gemma!! i don't think it's reductive in any way to the viewing experience to root for them, and i don't think it's "dismissing the themes" to like them. i am so invested in their future arc, but for now i'm just going to keep the faith and trust the writers until s3 comes out xx

[retropupperoni]

When you feel weird making an OC to ship w/ a canon character so you make a fanchild instead (except not really) because obviously that's more normal

Relationships and alt versions under the cut, along with a more indepth look into Sunny's relationships with everyone!

Jax

Father/Guardian/Brother

Jax will say he adopted Sunshine, but everyone knows it was Sunshine who forcibly adopted him

Acts more like a brother than a father

He's like the dad who says he doesn't want a cat but ends up getting very attached anyway

Don't be fooled, Jax unsurprisingly turns out to be a horrible influence and ends up making another (arguably slightly worse) mini-him when Sunshine is older

Ragatha

Mother/Sister

Helped with raising Sunshine, much to Jax's dismay

Is the only reason why Sunshine is actually somewhat well adjusted when it's older and understands the concept of "empathy"

Genuinely, she's actually the only reason why Sunshine didn't turn into a narcissistic a--hole

Sunshine itself loves her like a mother, but Ragatha's toxic-positivity gets annoying FAST

Pomni

Friend

Enjoys Pomni's company, though it'll never understand why it took so long for Pomni to adjust to the Circus

Also one of the main reasons why Sunshine is somewhat adjusted emotionally, what with Pomni being the unofficial therapist of the cast at this point

Zooble

That cool enby cousin

Zooble is kinda like the cool older sibling/cousin that you want to impress

It likes bickering with Zooble and stealing their parts for fun (which Zooble hates)

Later on in life, Zooble helps Sunshine w/ figuring out it's gender identity when it starts having a gender-crisis, the two become closer after this

Gangle

HATE

Courtesy of Jax, Sunshine hates Gangle

The constant crying and moping annoys it, and it finds breaking Gangle's mask entertaining

Kinger

Grandfather

Kinger is like the weird uncle that you can't help but love anyway

Occasionally babysits Sunshine when the others are on adventures that are too dangerous.

↑ Sunshine is actually one of the few cast members who has seen Kinger at his sanest because of this

Caine

HATE

Christ, he's so annoying. His voice. His demeanor. His near-toxic positivity. Dear god.

Bubble

Neutral

Sunshine itself is completely unaware of the fact that most of the cast dislike it/feel uneasy about it's upbringing.

Surprisingly, Sunshine actually doesn't mind Bubble that much despite the fact that he's also an NPC, it's something about his unhinged personality that endears it.

NPCs

HATE

Again, courtesy of Jax, it hates NPCs

Raised to see them as soulless playthings and nothing else

Likes the f--- with them in often violent ways

Bald Ver.

The flower petals can't be removed, I just wanted to make a version so you can see that it does in fact have ears back there

[marshmallowwitharubberband]

I really love MXTX's narrative decision to have a character that is vital to the plot and then tell us NOTHING about him.

Who was the real Mo Xuan Yu?

An insane cutsleeve, we might say. But we don't actually know that. Most of what we're told about MXY is from other character's opinions and "common knowledge" but the main moral of the novel is that you can't trust either because public opinion is very easy to manipulate.

And we know Mo Xuanyu was at odds with an expert manipulator.

So, how much of it was true and how much was JGY ruining Mo Xuanyu's reputation to get him out of the way once he wasn't useful?

We can't know.

The only thing we have proof of is that, when he died, he was definitely mentally ill; it was evident from what he did and the writings he left. But, was he always like this? Or maybe the mistreatment at the hands of his family, or his contact with demonic cultivation (we don't know whether he practiced it before the ritual) eroded his mental health. Hell, by this point Jin Guangyao already knew how to use the songs of turmoil, who's to say he didn't do that to MXY for knowing too much.

Of him being a cutsleeve, there's no hard proof. Maybe the makeup, but that might be him just being theatrical. We don't know, it's Wei Wuxian who takes the rumors and runs with them full throttle. Though it is worth noting that the characters who knew MXY before don't seem to bat an eye when WWX is playing up the gayness, so there's that.

Him harrassing JGY is a complicated one. Because, again, no proof but the opinions of the people in Jinlintai, who may have been manipulated by Jiggy into believing that. We have seen the guy do worse, he's the king of Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss. And if Mo Xuanyu was becoming an obstacle for knowing too much and refusing to cooperate... maybe it would look too suspicious for his newfound half-brother to mysteriously die, maybe he couldn't find a good excuse or scapegoat in time, or maybe JGY was planning to finish the job later, where MXY's death couldn't be connected to him. Either way, depriving him of any sympathy or credibility ensured no one would come asking questions if he disappeared. I wouldn't put it past him.

So, we really don't know anything concrete about him.

Which, if you ask me, is pretty harsh on him considering that without him the plot would be one paragraph long. "Good news! The Yiling Parriarch is dead!" And dead he stayed. The End.

Of course, from a meta perspective, why waste pages developing a character who is only there as a human McGuffin? Too complicated, let's just allude to his gayness to move the BL plot along and scrub any worldly connection he had. There, no loose threads. On with the story!

I mean, I get it.

[you-and-him]

(I'm not good at English, hoping my expression will not be confusing. qwq)

Hello Hermit!​

After playing chapter 4, I had a great interest in Saffron and I'd like to ask something. Does Saffron just want to eat YOU? Or is he getting more and more interested or maybe a little affection in YOU so his desire of eating YOU becomes stronger? I've seen something just like "the more I like you, the more I want to eat you", so I came up this question.

I really love your stories and characters!Hoping my silly question doesn't bother you. ​

Saffron is...a complicated man.

Though from what I'm feeling as of now when it comes to Saffron, I don't sense any affection in terms of how he feels towards you. Just an obsessive need and want for something he can't have which makes you like a rare delicacy in his eyes that he has to work for.

Could that change? Possibly! I can't say for sure whether he will because (again) romance isn't the main focus of the game. I let the dice mostly roll where they may when it comes to that sort of stuff in regards to the characters themselves (also why I don't promise any "romantic" routes aside from Adam since he's the most plausible and open to it.)

[mileysmil3y]

Hey chat do yall agree with my Miley Smiley re - design ( the Cometcare one tbh )

so... I'm not a big fan of her version after the trauma so I'll decide to give my opinion and what it would be like in my interpretation

so to start off.... I personally don't think she would wear the style of clothing she wears in Canon, it looks too cute for my taste honestly 🙏💔

But honestly my biggest problem with Cometcare's design is THE COLORS. I really don't know why but I think it's too light for MILEY, I Honestly don't think it fits ( the bows in the ear too )

feel free to disagree with me btw

So... in my opinion, even though she had recovered from the trauma, I still think she would have problems, like trusting people . In SparkleCare (V2) yall can see that it took her a lot of pages to trust the main cast . So I ended up insinuating that she doesn't trust people very much .

One of the characters I gave her was also a strong personality. I feel that she would be a very serious and angry person and would RARELY smile ( even though her name is Miley SMILEY ) . I also think that she would be very headstrong and would get frustrated quickly. 😭

I also feel like she would dress like a Punk ( or goth maybe ? ) but would still keep the trash style

and I also feel like she would still be carrying the same shovel she was carrying throughout V2 🙏

Ok my text ends here, thanks for reading ! , I know I said I wasn't going to touch this account anymore , but I personally wanted to post this 🙏

I also wanted to show my version of Miley in my original art style ! ( kinda rushed tbh )

That's all !

[returntosunder]

HOLY HECK, WE CAN INFO DUMP ABOUT OUR AUS HERE?!?!?! /Pos

Okay! Me and my sibling made an Au together called Dragontale, and imma dump the lore here. We've decided that there wasnt really a war, but since monsters have two forms, their usual monster form and a dragon form, humans began becoming dragon hunters, so the monsters hid underground to stay safe!

Most of the main og cast were the original hiders, like Asgore, Toriel and everyone's favorite character to debate on, W.D. Gaster! Sans and Papyrus were still lil guys back then though, so they don't really remember the change from above to underground.

Monsters can still technically go above ground, it's just very unsafe, so nobody really leaves.

Oh yeah, Undyne and Alphys were born underground lol.

Chara and Frisk are probably the only humans to have ever fallen, Chara being adopted by the Dreemurs and dying in some way we haven't decided on yet. Frisk is really interesting, cause they grew up in an orphanage hearing magical tales of dragon hunters, leading to them wanting to become a hunter as well, but once they fell down and actually met the dragons that they've wanted to kill for so wrong, they had a DRASTIC change of heart!

Color schemes for horns and tails, which all monsters have in their normal form, is based on soul traits, for example, Sans has yellow and light blue things! Dragons are usually that big, usually a wingspan can go from 10-45 feet, depending on the size of the monster.

Also, we've sorta based the dragon designs off of WoF dragons hehe, like, Undyne is seawing based, W.D. is Nightwing based, and all that :) /INFODUMP :D

Anyways, this is really long lol, but we've recently started up an ask blog as well! @ask-dragontale if your interested /nf

Erm, I really admire you, thank you, bye! <3 /p /POS

DRAGONSSS OMG I LOVE DRAGONS!!!

OMG I LOVE YOUR SANS AND PAPYRUS DESIGNS!! THEY ARE SO CUTEE!!!!

So they can shift into bigger dragons? Omg im now just picturing tiny frisk or chara on dragon Tori and its so cute oml

Now that I think bout it, do the monsters have much room to actively shift to dragons? Cause living underground, i can imagine is kinda cramped, and they can't really fly as bigger dragons :(

This is such a cool idea I actually love it, Ty for sharing this ^^

GUYS I LOVE READING YALLS AUS THEY ARE SO COOL IM CRYING /VPOS

[papabearbobbynash]

Welp, curiosity took the best of me and i decided to check on the episode...

It's funny how empty i felt tunning in to watch the show today, considering it used to be the highlights of my thursdays... Anyway, back to the issue.

The vibes are all wrong to me, and it's obvious why, because as much as the writers wanna pull a "look all those different dynamics showing up" like they couldn't have make athena interact with karen or chim when Bobby was alive... is just pissing me off, but worse is people who will probably fall for it and see the way Tim wants it. No me though, i still see this episode by what it is.

The team all separated and all grieving in their own ways, because Bobby was the joint, as the the only time this felt like 911 in this ep was the flashback in the beginning. The rest? Just feels like angst, drama and damage control in response to unnecessary writing decision.

And i feel confused by this episode, because the characters are floating between not giving a fuck bobby is dead to completely falling apart. People could go and excuse this with "they're trying to keep it together but spiraling over their grief" but, when you have your viewer questioning if the character is acting in a way because it's in character or due the writing forcing a narrative so they act that way for the writer even if it doesn't really make sense for the character... you know something is wrong.

Hen refusing the promotion, is predictable of Tim and honestly another low point to me... However if they set up Chim for Captaincy it would be the most reasonable these folks have been in years, but eh i don't bet on that.

I guess the writers finally reminded that Eddie is a main (probably damage control after being bullied for 3 weeks of their own stupidity),

Athenachim beefing is understandable at best given the circunstance and I figured Athena and Chim would end up stuck together by the middle of the episode given the ongoing beef.

It's going as predictable as it could. There is literally not a single new aspect that justify killing Bobby and it honestly pisses me off considering Tim was so nonchalant about new possibilites when he could totally have pulled off with Bobby very much alive.

How much you wanna bet Chim is going to save Athena, there will be some buddie hint, and then the last scene of the season will be family dinner, cooked by Buck, to keep Bobby's spirit alive?

[lover-of-mine]

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/783209719321051136/tim-said-we-werent-gonna-see-eddie-getting-the

I’ve actually been wondering this for days now.

Because we saw with the stills we were supposed to see Buck bringing groceries into the station. We were supposed to see Buck looking in the fridge at all the take out. There was supposed to be a talk between Gerard and Buck.

And then none of it made it into the episode.

And one of the biggest complaints over the last month has been them constantly focusing on the wrong scenes and the wrong characters in 14-16. Like the fact we knew more of how upset Gerard was over Bobby’s death than some of the main characters was insane. And then the absolute backlash (rightfully) over Eddie not being there and then the even greater backlash (also rightfully) when Tim said he thinks Eddie finds out from a phone call off screen, and we wouldn’t be seeing him find out onscreen either all also happened.

There was also a lot of rumors floating around of them doing extra filming/reshoots after 15/16. And the fandom has loved to throw around the words “damage control” with all the upcoming ryliver/buddie promo (which it’s not because they would have had to be set up a while ago) , the more logical realistic thing that would have actually been real damage control in any form, would be those extra filming/reshoots being true and it was to cut the Gerard Buck talk that literally no one wanted or needed, the bringing groceries and seeing the takeout boxes, and adding in us seeing Eddie get the call and his reaction instead.

But we will probably never actually know the real answer at this point on if it was always in the episode and Tim was just lying to no spoil it, or if it was actually true damage control because he was in fact not lying, but the back lash was justifiably bigger and harsher then he assumed and went oh shit and tried to mitigate it.

I mean, I guess. Because Oliver talked about Buck having professional decisions to make and since Hen ends up refusing the Captain's chair, I can't help but wonder if the things with Buck and Gerrard wasn't about Gerrard encouraging Buck to throw his name into the mix for captain in some twisted mentorship thread that picks back up from the beginning of the season and also directly contradicts a conversation Buck had with Bobby and could further Buck's spiral and the way he does feel like everything is falling apart and he doesn't know how to hold it together. Because they clearly cut an arc from Buck in the episode, the stills with Gerrard, the groceries, so maybe they decided they didn't need that in favor of more Character Moments, because we want more conversations and for the grief to be explored and less of the bigoted captain that suddenly isn't anymore because Brad is mean and he really likes hotshots.

Obviously, Tim could've been lying, but everyone was pissed there was no Eddie, why piss off his audience more? He could've just said it would be explored later. I'm sure they weren't expecting the level of backlash they got, but I don't see why he would purposefully feed into it.

And they did wrap the season on Tuesday, so 9 days before the season is set to end, so they were definitely cutting it close, it would be very easy for some of the stuff that they were shooting during the 2 weeks between 815 and 16 to be stuff to try and calm the audience down. So yeah, maybe. Even though those flashbacks did prove they could've added 5 seconds of Eddie getting the call to 815, but I'm guessing they don't want to say who called Eddie.

[scarletqueenx]

THE CHAIN

AU Dean Winchester x Latina!Reader

Summary: After meeting one night in a bar, you, an aspiring singer-songwriter and bartender, and Dean Winchester, a marine about to go on his first tour of duty, agree to marry solely for military benefits. You need his health insurance for your diabetes and he needs to settle his debts and get his life back together. But when tragedy strikes, the line between real and pretend begins to blur.

Word Count: 3915

Tags/Warnings: angst, chronic illness, cursing, slight misogyny (by other characters, not the main)

A/N: Based on Purple Hearts (Netflix, 2022)

PART 1 - UNSTEADY

Music was everything to you. It was your reason for living. The only thing that brought you peace and happiness. The melodies ran through your blood, the lyrics filled your thoughts and the beat marked your heartbeat. All you wanted in the world was to be able to devote yourself entirely to music.

But life wasn't that easy. Not yours at least. 

If you weren't working as a waitress in the bar where you had been working for years, you were teaching piano lessons or walking dogs to earn a little extra money.

Before you were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes your life was much less chaotic. But since then, you couldn't afford a day off, because you needed the money to pay for the health insurance that provided you with the insulin you needed to survive. 

You tried to focus on the good things and your dreams. The owner of the bar where you worked, Billy, had let you and your band play a couple of songs every night on the small stage, which gave you some visibility and increased the number of customers. Even though you only sang covers, the people who heard you sing every night ended up falling in love with your voice. Or that's what your best friend told you whenever you finished and walked off the stage to continue your shift as a waitress.

“Give it up for Billy, the owner who apparently really meant it when he said only two songs. Oh, and please don't forget to tip your servers, 'cause, PS, we're also your servers.” You said to the crowd before getting out of the stage.

“Another great set.” Your friend, Jamie, said as he went back behind the counter.

“Yeah, amazing riff back there.” You told him as you reached your best friend.

With a smile on her face, your redhead best friend was about to give you another one of her compliments when something behind you caught her attention.

“Oh, look, it's your faves.” She pointed towards the door.

With a frown you turned on your heels and found a group of boys entering the bar with smiles on their faces. They looked like they were celebrating something.

“Oh, great. Marines.” You sighed as you took your little notebook. “Mild to medium harassment by nine, chaotic evil by ten.”

Charlie smiled back at you and whispered a little good luck as you started to walk towards the group. Just then, the face of one of the boys turned toward you and you recognized him in an instant.

“No way.” He said as he saw you. “Hey, stranger!”

“Frankie?” You looked at him surprised before running to wrap your arms around him in a hug.

He laughed as he lifted you off the ground.

“I missed you, you freak.” 

“I missed you too, rockstar.” He replied, placing you back on the ground.

“Oh my God. Look at the buzz.” You shook his absent hair. “No, I'm not okay with this at all.” You laughed as your best friend appeared by your side. “Uh, Charlie, Frankie. Frankie, Charlie.”

“Nice to meet you.” Frankie looked at her.

“Charlie, they're in The Loyal with me. Frankie, we grew up together, and I was his babysitter.” You explained.

“Okay. Okay. Don't say that in front of everybody.” Frankie looked at his group of friends with a glimpse of embarrassment in his eyes. You laughed.

“Cassie was just telling me how much she loves military boys.” Charlie teased as the three of you approached the marines.

“Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Mmm.” Frankie laughed. “Uh, these are the guys. We've two weeks 'til we ship out to Iraq.” 

“We're still in Iraq?” You frowned.

“Not out yet.”

“Another war that never ends.” You sighed. “In that case, what you guys wanna drink? First one's on the house.” You smiled towards the boys.

That's when you noticed the guys sitting at the table where Frankie had led you and Charlie. A tall dark-skinned guy, a young blond with a boyish face and finally the one who looked like the oldest of the group. Well formed back, not overly muscular but fit, light brown hair, close to the color of sand, freckles and green eyes focused on you.

“Thank you.”

“Hey! Tequila?” The blonde one said.

“Does he look old enough to drink tequila?” Charlie asked, looking back at you.

“Absolutely not.” You smiled.

“Double that.” The other guy said.

“Copy that.” You nodded before your eyes locked on the green-eyed guy.

“I'll have a Coke.” 

“Okay. My kinda guy.” You smiled, surprised by his request.

“Hell, yeah.” He smirked. “Could you throw in some lemon slices with that?”

“How about you pace yourself, bro?” You teased, smirking back at him.

“Whoa! She's into you, bro.” The guy by his side said as you walked toward the counter.

“No. Okay? Just no.” Frankie shook his head, gaining Dean’s attention. “It's not gonna happen, never. Just let it go, cheekbones.”

“What? You two?” He whispered.

“No, she's like an older sister to me.” Frankie quickly explained.

“Uh, she has a ‘no soldiers’ policy, sorry.” Charlie said.

“We're marines. What's that about?” The tall guy asked.

“Well, that means more of us for you then.” The blonde smiled back at her.

Charlie laughed at this.

“Tempting.” She replied. “Let me check with my girlfriend.”

Dean smiled at her answer. Something in him told him they could be good friends if they got to know each other. Something about the way Charlie carried herself felt a little too familiar to him.

Then again, it was you his attention was on. Charlie looked cool and like a very fun person, but you… You took his breath away. There was something in you that pulled him in like a magnet.

“Uh, three tequilas and a coke.” You announced placing the drinks on the table.

“So we're good enough to fight for your ass, but not enough to touch it?” Said the guy next to Dean, leaving the group in complete silence.

You looked up at him with disbelief.

“Excuse me?” You scoffed.

“Okay. I'll excuse you, this time.” He replied.

Seeing as no one else said something and tired of guys acting like they had the right to say those kind of things, you took a step back.

“I can't with this.” You scoffed once again as you gave Charlie your notebook before walking away from the table.

“Real smooth.”

“What the hell? Come on. Bro.”

“Let me see what I can do.” Dean said, walking past Frankie to go after you.

“Good luck, behave yourself. Don't do what he did.”

“Dude has a perfect track record.”

Dean ignored their comments as he reached you at the bar counter.

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize for our friend. He's a bit...” He scoffed, not exactly knowing how to describe him.

“Okay.” You clicked your tongue as a response while rolling your eyes in annoyance.

“Uh, I'm Dean, by the way. What's your name?” He reached out his hand.

Tired of his presence, you turned towards him with a cold stare.

“Your waitress slash bartender. Have a fun night, Dean.” You replied, bumping your shoulder with his as you walked past him. 

His group of marine friends laughed in the back, but you ignored them.

“You know, we're not all alike.” Dean said.

You rolled your eyes and looked back at him.

“Oh, really?” You raised your eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

“Because your friend is talking about his right to touch my ass. Which apparently, you also feel entitled to.” 

“Okay, we're just blowing off some steam. It's, uh... It's actually a pretty big night. Last night on leave. We ship off in a few weeks.” He explained.

“I get it, but, uh, not really an excuse for casual misogyny though.” You crossed your arms and tilted your head. “You're cute and everything, but...”

Dean could feel his chest tighten at your bold response, the sharpness in your words almost as if you were daring him to challenge you. He wasn’t sure why it caught his attention—maybe it was the way you held your ground, or the way your eyes glinted with defiance, but there was something about you that was... magnetic. He shook the thought away. This was nothing more than a few words exchanged. He didn’t have time to get distracted by you.

“Okay, all right. I, uh... I get this.” He laughed.

You frowned.

“What do you get?”

“You.”

“Yeah. Me?”

“Yeah, yeah. You're kind of predictable. I've... I've met your type before.”

Dean’s voice faltered slightly, and for a moment, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to hold his ground or keep his distance. But as you leaned in, just a little bit closer, he couldn’t help but notice how you stood your ground—your body poised, confident. And damn, he was sure he wasn’t imagining it, but the air between you felt... thicker. He found himself subconsciously leaning in a little too, his hand instinctively shifting closer to you.

“Yeah. Oh. Do tell.” You took a step closer to him, not really playing much attention at the small space between your faces and bodies.

Dean noticed though, and he couldn’t help but take a quick and almost imperceptible glimpse of your lips before focusing on the colour of your eyes.

“Drive a Lexus that your parents paid for, but it's a hybrid, so it's okay.” He started, his heartbeat a little faster than usual, and he hoped you wouldn’t notice. “You... You probably tweet a lot about other people's rights, but when it comes down...”

You scoffed and took a step back before letting out a little chuckle.

“Sorry, it's just fascinating to me.” You looked at him with disbelief. “Do you have a PhD in mansplaining?”

“When it actually comes down to fighting for these rights, you don't wanna do anything, right?” He continued, ignoring your words. “'Cause guns are mean. You're a pacifist. I guess it's our job to go off and fight those battles for you, right? I bet you have a little peace-dove tattoo on your back to prove it.”

With a cynical smile on your lips, you moved closer to him once again. This time closer than before. So close that your breath hit his skin as you responded.

“On my ass, actually.” You smirked. “Which you can't touch, but you can kiss.”

“Nailed it.” Murmured one of the marines, and the sound of laughter echoed around the table as Dean stood there, at a loss for words.

“She's a pistol.” Another one whistled, clearly impressed by your quick wit.

You barely gave them a second glance, striding confidently to the other side of the counter where Charlie stood.

“Or they'll skip straight to chaotic evil.” You sighed dramatically, rolling your eyes as you reached her.

Charlie grinned, the teasing glint still present in her eyes.

“You see the guy who looks like he’s 12 years old?” She pointed to the blonde guy, still sitting with Frankie. “He just told me I should reconsider my stance on men because if I marry him, I'd get incredible health insurance.”

You raised an eyebrow as you turned back toward the table. “Wow. Health insurance?” You let out a little laugh, clearly mocking the offer. “That’s some dirty talk right there. So hot.”

You both laughed together, the sound light but filled with the quiet, unspoken understanding that came with shared frustration 

“Where's that coming from?“ Charlie frowned when the annoying sound of quacking started to echo next to her.

“Oh, that’s my phone.” You explained. “Made it annoying to not ignore it.”

Charlie smiled with amusement as she handed your purse across the counter.

“Uh, hey, can you cover me for, like, five?”

Charlie looked back at you, eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Yeah. You okay?”

You forced a small smile, trying to push past the tightening in your chest. “You know... just the usual.”

She nodded, not pushing you for more details. She could see the exhaustion in your eyes, the kind that only someone who knew you well would catch. She gave a quick nod as she turned to grab a napkin for someone else at the bar.

You walked out of the bar quickly, the cool night air hitting your face as you made your way toward your car.

As you got inside your car, silence surrounded you, leaving you in a strange loneliness far from the people inside the bar, oblivious to what for you had already become routine.

The beeping sound of your glucose monitor echoed in the quiet space, and you immediately felt your body tense, eyes darting to the screen. You read the numbers and, for a moment, you just stared at it, willing the numbers to be kinder today.

“Shit.” You muttered to yourself, cursing under your breath. You hated how the disease made you feel weak, vulnerable. You hated how it constantly reminded you that, no matter how strong you tried to be, your body would always be fighting against you.

As you prepared the insulin, your hands moved with practiced precision, but your mind was elsewhere—focusing on the frustration, the tightness in your chest that seemed to grow with every passing day. You couldn’t escape it, couldn’t push it aside. You were always thinking about it. Always adjusting, watching, waiting.

After you finished, you placed everything back into your bag, letting out a shaky breath. The needle was gone, but the weight of everything else—the isolation, the constant vigilance, the fear of what could happen if you didn’t get it right—remained. You didn’t have the luxury of forgetting.

You wiped your eyes quickly, hating the tears that had started to form, and glanced at your phone. It was a text from Charlie, just checking in. You let out a half-laugh as you texted back, telling her you were fine. She wouldn’t understand anyway. No one ever really did.

But you couldn’t stay in the car forever. You needed to go back. You had to go back. The bar was waiting. Charlie would be waiting. And so would he.

Dean.

You rolled your eyes at yourself, trying to shove the thought away. Now wasn’t the time to get distracted by him. You had enough to deal with. You had enough to think about. And he was a dumbass anyway, despite his good looks.

You stood at the pharmacy counter, your stomach in knots as the woman behind the counter typed away on her computer, her face impassive. The sound of the keys clicking was deafening to you in the quiet space. You shifted uneasily, checking the time. You still had a few hours before your shift started, but that wouldn’t matter if you didn’t get your insulin.

“Oh, it looks like I can’t refill your prescription for another four days.” The pharmacist said, glancing up at you with a forced smile.

Your heart sank. “Uh, okay.” You tried to keep your voice steady, but you could feel the panic creeping up your throat. “I... I can’t really wait four days.” You swallowed, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. “Look, I’m out of my long-acting and my short-acting insulin, and my reserve vial is basically gone, and it’s just... it’s really dangerous for me not to have this.”

“I mean, I can give you a refill of your prescription if you wanna do it out of pocket.”

You blinked, disbelief spreading across your face. 

"I don’t think you understand—"

“No, your insurance is not renewed, so I cannot refill it. If you want to do it out of pocket, we can do that.”

You clenched your fists, your knuckles white. Your chest tightened, and for a second, all you could hear was the pounding of your own heartbeat. This wasn’t just inconvenient—it was dangerous. Your voice trembled as you spoke again. “And... how much is that?”

She didn’t respond right away, just clicked back at her keyboard, eyes darting between the screen and you. 

“Three hundred for the long-acting, two-twenty for the short-acting. So, a little over $500.” She looked up at you, her face flat and professional. “What do you want to do?”

Your vision blurred for a moment as the weight of the price hit you. You had maybe half that in your bank account—if you were lucky. There was no way you could afford that, not with your bills, the rent, and the cost of everything else you had to juggle just to survive.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, trying to steady your hands as you reached for your purse while a man on the line complained about you being too slow. 

“¿Qué pasa?” Your mother came to your side asking what was going on.

“Nada, mamá.” You looked back at her trying to make her think everything was all right when it really wasn’t. “Check out in the other line. This line already hates me.”

“Do you wanna step aside while…?”

“Can... you just give me a second?” You snapped at the pharmacist before taking a deep breath.

“¿Cariño, necesitas que lo pague yo?” 

“¿Quiere pagarlo de su bolsillo o esperar?” The pharmacist asked at the same moment your mother tried to help you pay the insulin.

“She speaks English too, thank you.” You looked at the pharmacist, annoyed. 

“You take my cash. I'll do credit.” Your mother took some bills out of her pocket, insisting on helping you despite your complaints.

“Ma!”

“Always health first.” She insisted before walking away.

You sighed a quick ‘thank you’ as you turned back to look at the pharmacist.

“Okay, that worked out.” The woman smiled. “Do you wanna fill this, hon?” She asked, but her smiled fell as she saw the money you had didn’t seem enough. “Oh. That is... Shoot.”

“I... I guess I’ll try to make it to Friday without it.” You said quietly, forcing a smile you didn’t feel as defeat washed over you. “Thanks. Go Big Pharma.”

You didn’t have the luxury of waiting four days, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

You turned to walk out, your feet dragging as you slipped outside of the pharmacy.

You didn’t tell your mother, though. You didn’t need her to feel worried or guilty about not being able to help you.

“You got a letter.” She announced as you reached the top of the stairs where the door to your apartment was.

“Mom, don't open that.” You told her already knowing what that letter was about. You really didn’t needed to think about your unplayed rent after the day you had just had.

“You didn't pay your rent?” She asked, already opening the letter.

You sighed, grabbing the broken doorknob from the flowerpot by your side to fit it onto your door so you could open it. 

“I said don't open that.”

“Your place is falling apart.” She complained following you inside the apartment. “How can you live like this?”

“Yeah, well, I'm busy, and the little details aren't really a priority for me.”

“You cannot not pay your rent.”

“Well, I'm paying. I'm just paying late.” You argued dropping your bag on the floor with defeat painted on your face. “I'm giving the landlord's daughter free piano lessons. They're not going to throw me out on the street.”

“Why don't you move back with me?” She looked at you with pity. “You can share my bedroom.”

“Ma!”

“Like when you were little.”

“No, I'm not 12.” You complained. “I can't go backwards.”

“Entonces tienes que tener un presupuesto.”

“Yes, but diabetes wasn't really in the budget, okay?” You cut her off.

She looked at you with an understanding, love, and concern look that only a mother could give.

For the fist time that day she seem to notice the exhaustion in your face, the slump in your shoulders, the heavy bags under your eyes. The weight of responsibility wearing you down.

“I'm so worried.” She said.

You nodded letting out a nervous laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” Her looked turned mad. “You're not taking this seriously. You could die at any moment.”

“Mom! I know.” You exclaimed, tired of hearing her complain about your own fears. “I'm fine. I'm doing everything right. I'm bartending, and delivering food, and playing gigs, and teaching piano on my spare time. And I'm constantly exhausted and running late, and I can't sleep because I have this medical debt that just grows like some mold in a basement. So, please, please just be kind to me.”

She took a deep breath, as she tried to calm herself.

“I know. I'm sorry.” Her voice broke as she grasped you in a hug. “I should be able to provide for you.”

“Mommy, I love you so much. I don't want you to worry.” You insisted, hugging her back. “You know me. I'm just on my own weird journey, and it's... it's a little bumpy, but… I love it.” You grabbed her by the shoulders, taking a step back to look at her in the eyes. “I'm sorry. I got this. Okay?”

With a quiet sob, she placed a hand on your cheek, caressing it with tenderness as she give you a sad but genuine smile.

“Okay.”

You weren’t okay. Not a all. You didn’t got anything. Your mother was right to worry. But you didn’t saw it until two nights later in the middle of the bar as you sang another cover with your band.

You were feeling fine, singing and playing music in the bar like you did every night. That’s when, suddenly, all of your energy dried out and you started to feel dizzy and nauseous. Your hands started shaking and the words of the song you were singing started to disappear out of your mind.

You knew what it was. You were having a low sugar episode, you needed insulin. 

Before that you had been trying to save the most of it. You tried to keep going without a shot even when the sugar in your blood came out a little low. But you had puss it to far.

The customers looked at you with confusion as you stepped out of the stage while your bandmates tried to keep playing. You dragged your feet towards the counter, where a fellow waiter, Benny, handed your purse over to you. 

Trying not to lose your balance, you walked to the bathroom. You threw up and almost passed out a couple of times while you prepare the insulin.

As the sugar in your blood begging to balance, the thoughts in your mind cleared up. You stood up, washed out your mouth, and looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment. You looked pale and worn out, and your hands were still shaking a little bit as you gripped the counter. 

The weight of the world felt on your shoulders as reality hit you. You couldn’t live like that. You simply wouldn’t survive, period.

That’s when a little stamp pasted on one corner of the mirror caught your eye. It was the Marine Corps emblem. 

You then remember Frankie and Dean, and the misogynistic comments some of their friends had made. But you remember something else too. You remembered how a guy had tried to hit on your friend Charlie by mentioning how good health insurance was for them and their spouses. 

If only you could marry one. 

Well, maybe you could.

Part 2 - Your Needs, My Needs (coming soon)

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