#i don't really have a system i just do whatever the fuck and it probably shows but that's ok!
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coworker was going on and on about the importance of regulating your nervous system today and i'm thinking 1) you don't know what that means and 2) if i were a teenager and someone told me to regulate my nervous system i would start throwing things. frankly it's hard not to throw things when hearing that as an adult.
#and i'm being the bad guy saying no actually that's not something we can recommend without issue because that will be 'controversial'#there's also something so weird and bass ackwards about assuming that all children are in crisis right now#it's like saying they're all experiencing trauma. when that is not at all how trauma works#and i piped up and said yeah probably 50% of kids are doing fine right now re: politics and would be annoyed to be treated otherwise#like 'oh you must be so broken over this.' no. not really.#and that doesn't mean we have to bend over backwards to cater to those kids but you do have to keep them in mind#if i showed up crying at work the day after the 2016 election there would have been student and parent complaints#in 2021 my school attempted to adopt a policy requiring pre-approval to teach anything 'controversial'#with 'controversial' defined as anything two people could reasonably disagree on#so walking into a class of 30 kids and saying 'since we're all traumatized let's do some deep breathing to heal our nervous systems' is#not gonna fly. more teachers will come under scrutiny and will get in trouble. that's not something we should be telling them to do#oof sorry. multiple tangents there.#point being. even if learning to 'regulate your nervous system' was totally achievable it still wouldn't be universally accepted#and god forbid anyone have any kind of physical or psychological or emotional difference that affects their 'regulation' 🙃#it just feels like such a trap to say you can fix yourself by self-regulating. because if you fail then what?#oh god i just remembered the convo turning to 'evidence-based practices' and how she said that's bullshit and white supremacy#because you should have practice-based evidence instead...#try something and if it works then it works and it's valid is how she described that. ugh#listen I won't die on the evidence-based practices hill but so many people in my work orbit treat it like a dirty phrase#like it's just some annoying procedural hoop to jump through for no reason#you know you can hurt people by just doing random stuff to them right?!#fuck.#i am so tired. I don't want to talk about my feelings at work. I don't want to 'hold space' for 'difficult emotions'#and i'm getting tired of listening to coworkers dump their shit on me too#but can i say 'hey you are dysregulated and that is making me dysregulated'? nope. definitely not.#because the default assumption is everyone talks through all their feelings all the time. so if you're not then you're doing it wrong.#talking through my feelings is what i have a blog and a notes app and inanimate objects for#and i'm doing pretty well with all that. i just don't want to do it at work#I think i can be my 'authentic self' without blurting out whatever is in my brain at that particular moment regardless of appropriateness#okay. done ranting. sorry. if you read this far goddamn wow congrats. i love you <3 have a good day okay? <3
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it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#yw2#idk. i have a lot of thoughts on this stuff#still upset i didn't find out 3 released in america until a while after it did :/ could've gotten a physical copy if i'd found out earlier#but alas. i'm just stuck with a boring digital version. i mean the digital versions of yo-kai watch games are better but like. still#i never got maginyan in blasters even though i could've. the code or whatever was on the receipt but my mom bought it for me#from the nintendo website. and i don't think she checked it and i don't think i found out that was where it was until a bit after i got it-#i did get machonyan and jibanyan t/komasan t's codes entered though so i can get them on any playthrough now#unless i put the sd card in another 3ds since apparently it's system-based instead of sd card based??? which is really stupid#but you can probably bypass that with cfw and i do plan on modding my 3ds eventually#it'll just be a process cuz i don't have an sd card slot on my computer and idk if my moms would be willing to help#so i'll probably have to get a separate sd card reader or whatever. which i do think my moms would be okay with i mean#it's my system and they're cool with piracy lfskdjfjkfsdkljfd-#my moms are so cool <3 i just wish i could get them interested in yo-kai watch but they don't seem to care lfskdjfkjsfdjlksfd-#they determined the battle system doesn't sound fun but i might've just described it badly#i mean tbf. it is very annoying sometimes. especially when my healer just will not heal the other yo-kai#''DO YOUR FUCKING JOB TATTLECAST STOP LOAFING'' -me playing 2#that being said if 1's switch port ever releases in america i am totally playing it on the tv#i WILL force my moms to watch me play funni ghost game whether they like it or not /lh#if we do ever get 1's switch port i hope they make it a collection of some kind with 2 and 3 remasters too i would buy that in a heartbeat#i mean obviously i will buy any american-released yo-kai watch stuff in a heartbeat aside from maaaaaybe y-school heroes#(i'm sorry y-school heroes fans i just cannot get into it. from concept alone it sounds like i would not enjoy it)#maybe sangokushi too if we ever get that but i feel like we probably won't#idk if the franchise it's a crossover with is popular enough in america for that#i hope we get more english yo-kai watch content once ghost craft releases. kinda feel like it's testing the waters tbh#i know it's seemingly just a spiritual successor but still#i do hope that it being a spiritual successor doesn't mean yo-kai watch is over. i doubt that it will since like#punipuni still gets semi-frequent updates
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i think it may be time i changed my gender marker on my health card
#personal#im pissed off because i just realized my doctor probably used like. the wrong reference range when testing me for something#had to have a genetic test that took ages to come back & really stressed me out#and if she had just used the male reference range for iron levels i probably wouldnt have even been flagged for testing#i mean it's COMPLICATED and it's not entirely her fault. like it's easy to say this NOW that i know i don't have hemochromatosis#but. ugh. the systemic barriers to accessing good healthcare as a trans person.... -_-#not even transition-specific healthcare!! ive got that sorted!! just REGULAR-ASS HEALTHCARE#she told me not to change the marker on my health card because of how the computer system flags things#i think rn all my lab tests get run with the Female marker and all the reference ranges shown on her computer are the Female ones#BUT THAT'S PROBABLY NOT RIGHT#IVE BEEN ON T FOR LIKE 6 YEARS#oh shit i think as of this month lol. probably missed the anniversary#ANYWAY i need to do more research on this & ask some questions at my next appointment about how the computer system works but like#from taking a quick look for scientific papers it sounds like most blood tests for a trans man on T should be run the same as for a cis man#with a few specific exceptions#there also just isnt enough research about this. like there's some but not a lot. which is fucked up to think about#anyway changing it might force them to default to the male reference ranges instead of whatever theyre doing rn
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.
#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading#i say personal because ive been affected#not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry#and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it#but thats as much detail as i'll give#because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries#and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it#and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money#its literally what the whole system is based on#in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games#the fundemental system is still fucked up#and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical#so like if you play them whatever#but just do really really think about what you're doing#for your own sake#i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf#she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much#not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her#im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was#just not as severe i suppose#and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this#im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped#but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist#and that's so fucked up#sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked#and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself#sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest#and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners#ask to tag
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you all will be infuriated with me but i’m being dead serious this time, this isn’t a “haha let’s get my mutuals telling me they think i have this in a joking way” this is like, i’m seriously considering this sort of thing.
i’m wondering if i was wrong about the borderline thing.
and to be clear because i know at least some people might jump on this, i’m not saying all the symptoms i attributed to it are gone. those are still existent and bpd is the best explanation out of the countless of other conditions i’ve read research papers about, talked to professionals about, or otherwise studied. like this is the best thing i have to go off of.
but i think i’m very used to being wrong about these things. i was wrong about being part of a system, which i guess i can elaborate on but at this point like, i give up, at some point i’ll go through and delete my pluralkit because i’m tired of this shit. i was wrong about every other condition i thought i had and to be clear part of why i thought i had those conditions was me just trying to humble any other option but bpd. so if they were successful, well, that’d be unexpected.
but that still makes it extremely strange and i honestly am doubting if i have bpd anymore.
#nightmare.personal#i don't know if this is one of those things that's kind of socially inappropriate to say but it's honest so i will#most people who have BPD are way more fucked up than me#like yes i'm definitely fucked up. compared to some of my friends yeah absolutely.#but especially with childhood shit like. it's a lot more intense than what i remember.#and yes yes there's a lot i don't remember. sure. i just found out two days ago that my parents fighting with my brother a lot#might have affected me mentally. so like there's a lack of understanding here.#but i don't think you guys really get how fucked up some of your lives have been#and like. yes i've been in near death situations sure. whatever.#but what's different between me and all these other people is you guys had stuff going on physically#and mine wasn't exactly physical. i probably could have died. but it would have been a psychological thing more than anything#and that's not exactly in the neat little handbook most support groups carry so who's normal pilled now huh#also i'm sure half of you do not give a shit about this but#some of you have BPD and it's a moth to the flame effect#the system thing will get at least one auto like because patterns#so people do care about this but most of you don't and ultimately this is useless#i'm just tired of this. and i think i need to do something about it soon.
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Like here's the thing, I'm never gonna tell you how to vote
Two reasons, one is it's not really my business other than maybe some general advice (like I think voting for cruel people is a bad idea), but two and kinda more importantly is you aren't gonna listen unless you already agree and I'll probably just piss you off and if anything vote to spite me
Nah, better to leave you to make your own choices
But you'll forgive me for continuing to try to nudge people to vote. In part, it's cause I see people pushing not voting and it's like... to me that feels like an attempt to get people to drop out so they can have a bigger sway, it doesn't feel good faith
But also it's just like... shit's fucking bad everywhere right now, and I really don't have a whole lotta faith in voting but we might as well exhaust the options we have just in case
And like... when I say I don't have a lot of faith, if you pull back a bit what I really mean is I don't have faith in countries as a whole to do stuff like voting in primaries and not just going for whoever they think'll win... like... there's no downside to voting for who you like in a primary, unless there's another dark horse candidate you think has a better chance of unseating whatever asshole you don't want... but like never bother voting for the person that's probably gonna win unless you actually want them
So that's why I say I specifically have little faith in primaries even more than other elections
Anyway though... you might as well get to vote on amendments and shit, and if you're doing that you might as well pick whoever makes you want to blow your brains out the least (dear god they're coming up and even gone in some place but vote in the primaries to maybe get at least one good candidate on some ballot somewhere)
But yeah, not gonna ever tell you how to vote other than broadstrokes, but I will just keep saying I think it's good to vote
I also very much will keep suggesting you do mail in voting if you can, and that one's legit me just looking out for you, cause going places and standing in line sucks a lot more than checking the mail, filling something out at home, and dropping it off
#as always; system's fucking broken and whatever you're trying to do to fix it probably helps more than voting#but like... why not also vote?#and if you get a mail in ballot you don't even have to waste your day#so forgive me if I keep bring it up but... you know; pisses me off the people saying not to vote#can't help but feel like they have an agenda and their agenda isn't great for any of us#(they here being broadstrokes; certainly there's disenfranchised individuals expressing skepticism)#(but I think there's a large amount of purposeful political agitation trying to pretend that's what it is and trying to sow that)#and you know... I just want something to get a little bit better sometimes#and I'm still a schmuck and I'm slow so I'm not at the point where I'm trying to work in my community yet#and there's also only 100ish people here; and even if I invite outsiders to learn shit like carving from me#I only touch so many people's lives#where as... we need massive systemic change of shit like getting the lead pipes replaced so we don't have more Flint's#so like... maybe if enough of us in different places vote for people who are pro replacing lead pipes; maybe stuff happens; you know?#so forgive me if I keep encouraging it#not gonna be a dick if you don't or can't; like for one thing part of why I keep pushing mail in voting#is I know that I wouldn't vote if I didn't have that#(couldn't at this point; 50 fucking miles; but even when I could... it's a lot of energy)#I'm trying to help you make it as easy on yourself as possible#also... now this is an ask of me; but I will do it if you really need it#if you need help figuring out how to register to vote; I will do what I can to help; which will be searching online#helping you find numbers and stuff and who to talk to; but I will do what I can if you ask#I'm sure it gets annoy that I keep beating on this but... forgive me; at least I don't get sanctimonious with it; like is that fair to say?#I'm just asking cause there's a lot of shit I'm not happy with; and I'm not saying it'll fix it#but it's something to do and... and like in the US specifically just look at our morons in congress#can't do a god damn thing#and johnson won't even do his fucking job and put any bills to the floor unless he knows they DOA and he likes them#selfish asshole who can't do his damn job#total fucking nobody with no experience#didn't like McCarthy; didn't respect him; but at least he did his job as speaker#put shit to the floor for an up or down vote; that's all you gotta do
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ᥫ᭡. that time you got period blood in rafe's bed.
warnings: nothing but fluff and that time of the month shenanigans
a/n: brain wouldn't shut up tonight, so here's some soft rafe cameron for you girlies. 🤍
You wake up to that familiar cramping sensation and immediately know.
Your eyes snap open in horror, taking in the expensive Egyptian cotton sheets beneath you – Rafe's sheets. Rafe's very white, very expensive sheets that now have a very obvious stain.
"Shit," you whisper, mortification flooding your system as you try to quietly extract yourself from his arms without waking him.
"Mmm, where are you going." His sleep-rough voice catches you mid-escape attempt. Before you can stop him, he's pulling you back against his chest, nuzzling into your neck.
"Rafe, no – I need to—" But it's too late. You feel the exact moment he realizes, his body stilling behind you.
"I'm so sorry," you start rambling, trying to wiggle free. "I know how expensive these sheets are. I'll replace them, I swear—"
"Hey." His voice has that edge to it, the one that means you're being ridiculous. "Look at me."
You shake your head, face burning. "I ruined your sheets."
"Baby girl." There's amusement in his voice now. "You really think I give a fuck about some sheets?" His lips find your temple. "You hurting?"
The gentle question beneath his usual rough exterior makes your chest tight. You nod slightly.
"Alright, here's what's happening." It's his business voice, the one that means no arguments. "You're gonna take a hot shower, steal whatever you want from my closet, and I'm grabbing you some aspirin." He pauses. "And those chocolate strawberries in the fridge? Yeah, those weren't for tomorrow's country club bullshit."
You look up at him, surprised. "You knew?"
The corner of his mouth quirks up. "Princess, you really think I don't have your cycle tracked? Who do you think keeps restocking the tampons under my sink?"
You resist the urge to roll your eyes. Of course he'd be smug about being thoughtful. Your heart then does that stupid flutter thing it always does when he shows he actually pays attention.
Later, curled up on his ridiculously expensive couch, wearing his softest hoodie, you watch him navigate your heating pad with intense focus. The chocolate strawberries are perfect, and every time a cramp hits, his hand finds your lower back like it's instinct.
"Better?" he murmurs against your hair.
"Mmm." You sink further into him. "Still sorry about the sheets though."
He snorts. "Baby, I could buy new sheets every day for the next decade and not dent my wallet." His arms tighten possessively. "Now shut up about the sheets and eat your chocolate."
You turn to look at him, this man who tracks your period in his phone but would probably murder anyone who knew about it. This version of Rafe Cameron – the one who handles period stains and midnight cramps with the same intensity he handles everything else – is just for you.
"I love you," you whisper.
"Yeah?" That signature smirk plays at his lips. "Prove it by stopping this guilt shit about my sheets."
But his kiss is gentle, and when another cramp hits, his hands are already there, steady and sure.
What Figure Eight would never believe: how the infamous Rafe Cameron keeps tampons in his bathroom and period tracking apps on his phone.
But that's okay – let them have their trust fund tyrant. This softer version is yours alone.
#crookedteethed#fanfiction#fem reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey#the obx#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#rafe cameron fluff#rafe fluff#outer banks fanfic#outer banks#rafe cameron drabble#soft!rafe cameron#bf!rafe#rafe x fem!reader#rafe x female reader
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Part 7
Can't stop thinking about how the 141 met reader
(she's a long one. not entirely happy with it either so may edit later)
No harm done yet.
You never saw Simon actually hurt anyone. Johnny and Kyle would share stories about poor recruits who fucked around and eventually found out that Simon had no issue beating them within an inch of their life.
You knew he had a reputation and, like the rest of them, had blood on his hands. But it never bothered you. Didn't make you think twice about loving him or seeing him as the protector he had always been to you. To be frank, you could never actually picture any of them being violent.
But his voice... Fuck. His voice. It fucking rattled you. You actually feared for those fucking idiots now. Sure, they deserved to have their asses kicked, but an ass-kicking was probably going to be a welcomed after thought to whatever Simon would do.
You rinsed off, not bothering to wash your hair, but needing to wash up before getting in the bed. Hoping the scalding hot water washed away the uneasiness on your skin that had began to settle into your bones.
Even feeling fresh and laying in clean sheets, you still found yourself tossing and turning wondering exactly what did Simon do?
Did he walk away? Realizing you weren't worth the trouble, did he just tell them to knock it off?
You had stupidly expected Simon to check in. To check if you made it home alright or at least to let you know he was okay. So you waited... And you waited. You had half a mind to call him yourself before remembering it wasn't your place anymore to care. You had cared enough for the five of you.
It was well past two in the morning before you finally called it a night.
The next morning, still nothing from Mr. Riley. Not a 'did you home alright?' or 'are you okay?' text. Nada. Zilch.
Whatever.
Fuck him.
You had to open up shop, but luckily your Saturday mornings were much more relaxed. The shop wouldn't be open until 10, so you had the time to sleep in and enjoy the morning.
By noon, Mere had sent you several texts reminding you that you had promised to go out. You had tried to dissuade her. The encounter with those men last night had brought back sour memories. One involving handsome men coming to your rescue when it was most certainly needed.
You had tried to bail. Giving her any excuse you could: Last night put you on edge. You no longer wanted to go out. After last weekend, you just needed some down time.
Eventually you had realized she was not taking no for an answer after she had shown up to your apartment, already ready for a night out.
"You're not wearing that, are you?" Mere asked. Mere was in her usual Saturday femme-fatal attire. The black leather pants that accentuated her curves and red corset paired well with her freshly box dyed color black hair.
She looked more like a dominatrix than someone who worked at an attorney's office. Even if both professions included bending someone over and fucking them for all their worth. You wondered who would charge more by the hour....
You had pulled out a off white lace square neck top and a pair of high waisted medium washed baggy jeans. A perfectly cute outfit for a night out. Which was your defense when she had suggested you needed to change.
Tab had arrived later than expected (something about a system being down at work), but made up for it by bringing a pre-game snack. Yes, you had officially reached the age where you no longer starved yourself hours before going out to get more drunk quicker and cheaper. No you had to eat carbs or else you wouldn't be able to leave your room the next day as you pathetically nurse a hangover.
Tab wore a denim skirt. If you could even call it that. It paired well with the white tank top that you could make out the shape of her nipple piercing.
But they looked hot. Really hot.
"This is a perfectly acceptable outfit."
"For a day at market, not for trying to get laid."
"I don't want to get laid." You said, rummaging through your closet, yet again. "Getting laid is what got me in this mess in the first place."
A little over two years ago
"Fuck him." Tabitha wrapped her arms around your shaking body as you continued to sob. "He was a prick who didn't fucking deserve you."
"He couldn't even get you to cum." Mere felt the need to remind you as if that would somehow lessen the blow of your heartbreaking into a million shards. The shrapnel feeling like it would kill you.
"I loved him," your voice is small. "I fucking loved him." You had been dating for almost three years. You had his grandmother's ring on your fucking hand for God's sake. "I'm so stupid."
"You are not stupid." Tabitha gave you a squeeze. "He was a liar and a fucking coward." Meredith rubbed her thumb on you bare leg, offering physical reassure. Letting you know even if she wasn't the hugger Tabs was, she was still here.
"You can't keep locked up in this apartment." She was unfortunately right. You had not only barricaded yourself in your apartment for two weeks, but you hadn't returned to your bedroom. The scene of the crime. "You need to get out."
"Yeah," Tabitha rubbed your arm as if trying to coax you out your metaphorical shell. "Get some fresh air. We can go grab a treat. Maybe go out for some coffee." It didn't surprise you that Tabitha was offering a treat to entice you to leaving your sanctuary.
"I was thinking going to a bar." It also didn't surprise you that Mere offered her way of coping. Getting so drunk that you forgot what you even sad about. Or going out and finding someone to fuck the sadness out of her.
"Because getting alcohol in her system in this state is just what she needs." Tabitha was the mom of the group whereas Mere was the fun drunk aunt. They balanced one another out.
"Actually," you said, giving a pathetic sniffle. "Going out would be nice." Getting away from the apartment is what you need. And going out would be the excuse you would need to get yourself all dolled up.
What you hadn't planned for was getting so pissed that you had manage to breakaway from your friends. Searching for them in teh crowd of people. Failing and when you pulled out your phone were met with a completely black screen.
Dead. Perfect.
The same moment you swore the night couldn't get any worse, it did.
He looked the same. Same as he been four months ago when he asked you to become his wife. Same as he had been two weeks ago when you had caught him fucking another girl. The girl he told you not to worry about. The girl he insisted was just one of the guys. A girl you had told him time and time again would fuck him the moment she had the chance.
It wasn't always great to be right.
When your eyes connected, your body had went into immediate flight mode. Every neuron in your body was shooting out signals of RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. So that's exactly what you did.
You fucking bolted.
Or felt like you bolted. But you could only scurry so fast in chunky heels while simultaneously pulling down your skirt that had decided to ride up. Aching to show your ass for all of London to see.
You had made it a quarter of the way back to your apartment. Your feet aching. Toes pinched together from the strap digging into them.
"Baby, please!" You heard him before you felt his arm clamp down on your shoulder. Hard. When did his touch become something heavy? Something that practically burned you.
You turned. Eyes brimming with unshed tears as you hissed at him to leave you the fuck alone. The begging came, but you turned around. Determined to go home. He didn't deserve the chance to explain himself and he could most certainly shove his apology up his ass.
He wouldn't shut up. Insisting it was a mistake. A one time thing her fault. How she seduced him. As if he were the victim in all of this. You weren't buying it. Not for one moment. One doesn't accidentally invite some slut over and fall balls deep into her while they are in the same bed he shares with his fiancée.
It wasn't until you were in a more dimly lit area that he had gotten the nerve to grab you. His grip was firm on your arms as he held you in place. "Listen to me!" His voice was panicked.
The feeling of anger slowly began to dim as something else began to rise.
Fear.
You were afraid.
You were in a part of town not many people were out and about in at this time of night. No bystanders to really take note of the scene, or at least not any caring enough to stand by and watch; even for entertainment.
Your friends didn't know where you were at and you were tipsy. And alone.
"Cardan," you swallowed, trying to steady your voice. "Please let me go."
"Not until you talk to me," his fingers dug into you. "We can work this out, okay? It was one mistake." He tried to argue, his voice rising, soaked in desperation. "What's one mistake compared to three years?"
"Cardan," you tried to pull away, his grip only tightening. "You're hurting me." It came out as a pathetic whimper. You were so close to crying, too afraid to scream.
"Hey!" A voice barked from behind you. It caused your whole body to stiffen."Get your fucking hands off her. Someone noticed. Someone was here. Someone was here. Someone was here.
"We are having a conversation." Cardan's eyes left you, looking at whoever stood behind you.
"The lass said to leave her be." Another voice. Someone else. Two (three if you counted yourself, but in that moment you couldn't) people against one. There was no a possibility of you getting the fuck out of this situation.
Cardan stood firm. His eyes looking past you. A silent refusal to back down.
"Either you let her go," another voice. Another accent different that the first two. "Or we fucking make you."
"One against four. Odds aren't in your favor, mate." Four. Four men stood behind you. Faceless strangers there to help you.
"This doesn't concern you." Cardan bit out.
"Aye," Scottish. The second guy was definitely Scottish. "I think it does if she's tellin' ye' to piss off and yer bein' a bawbag about it."
"So what'll it be?" The third voice, deep and threatening, yet still so... calming. As if the vibrations from his deep, rich pitch washed over you.
Cardan looked back at you, his eyes not as manic. He realized he didn't have a chance. This was a fight he had to walk away from or else he wouldn't be walking away from it at all. "I'll swing by tomorrow, okay?" He asked.
You couldn't do anything, but nod. Agree that you could talk tomorrow in the safety of the sunlight. Eventually he walked across the street before fading out into the night. Blending in with the shadows.
You turned around to meet your would-be saviors.
Four men. All slightly older than you and so handsome you felt foolish for gawking at them as if this were your first time seeing a man. Hell, maybe it was. At least specimens like this. All of them tall and broad. Towering over you.
No wonder Cardan got the fuck out of there. Tabs was right. He was a coward.
"You alright?" The one who first spoke up asked. You could place his voice. Now just needed to place the other three. He had a hearty mustache and mutton chops. A look on any one else would make you immediately get the ick. But for a moment you wondered if that mustache would tickle... "Do you need us to call anyone?"
You felt your cheeks flush with heat.
"I just want to go home." You said. "Thank you for stepping in. I don't know what would have-" You stopped. Too afraid to think about the possibilities. There was a time you would never believe that Cardan had the ability to hurt you.
There was also a time you believed he would never cheat. You weren't really sure what to believe anymore. "Anyway," you continued. "Thank you again." You turned on your heel before continuing your stride.
You had only made it several feet before you were stopped again. "Which way? One of us can walk you home." You weren't entirely sure. But with a dead cellphone and a unhinged ex probably lurking in the shadows, there was little time to weigh the pros and cons before giving them a general direction of where you lived.
Which just so happened to be the direction in which two of the four lived. The Scot and one of the two who had yet to speak. The first one, who had still yet to introduce himself instructed the two of them to drop you off and let him know you had made it home alright.
You had hoped that the rest of your night would be met with silence, but the Scot couldn't seem to help himself. "I'm Johnny." He introduced. "And the spooky, silent type is Simon." He gave a playful wink. You gave him your name, not wanting to be rude.
"Not my place to ask," he began. "But what was the deal with that fucker? Ex-boyfriend?"
"Johnny." Simon's tone held warning. You appreciated the defense, but frankly didn't care. These were strangers. Who cared what they thought.
"Ex-fiancée," you clarified. "One who decided to fuck another girl in my bed. Not even our bed. My bed."
"Jesus fucking Christ," the Scot swore. "I was right. He was a fucking bawbag." For whatever reason, that made you laugh. For the first time in two weeks you fucking laughed. And it felt like you were breathing again.
Simon was quiet, not contributing to the conversation and just letting Johnny babble. Talking your ear off in a short trek as if it were an olympic sport.
You were so distracted with his voice you hadn't realized how far you had made it until the sound of your keys clattering onto your kitchen counter brought you back.
Back to a situation you didn't know how the fuck you landed in.
Two men (who you don't know) are in your apartment. Your friends don't know where you are. You are a little bit too inebriated to plan and exit strategy. Doesn't exactly help your confidence in fighting them off since they are built like fucking brick houses.
"He won't come sniffin' around here botherin' ya, will he?" Simon asks, speaking for only the second time since he had threatened Cardan. You shake your head.
"No," you said. "I have him blocked on everything. So I think when he saw me tonight it was just kind of an opportunity, I suppose?" You offer. Cardan had showed up to your place one time with a random assortment of flowers and a useless apology you had to hear through the door as you covered your mouth. Concealing your cries. Too afraid to let him know you were there.
Too afraid that some part of you would be weak enough to take him back.
"We'll leave ye' be." Johnny said, nodding his head toward the door. "But if he comes bein' a shite to ye again, you can give us a call."
"Phones dead." You explain, holding up your phone as if you needed to prove yourself. Johnny offered the brilliant, yet simple solution of giving him your number. He sent off a text, knowing it would be there when you turned back on and promising to check in later.
They both gave subtle nods of goodbye before turning away.
And just like that, they left. The door clicking softly shut behind them. You stood, frozen for several beats before walking over and locking the door.
You plugged your phone into the charging cable, waiting until it lit back to life before shooting off a text in your group chat with Tab and Mere.
Sorry I took off. Ran into Cardan and fucking made a dash for it. Sorry if I worried you. I'm at home. I'm okay. Grab lunch tomorrow and we can talk about it? My treat?
You signed off the text with a heart emoji and turned your phone on do not disturb. Too afraid of your friends going all Mama Bear on you for running away while drunk. Even if your reasons were valid.
You had texted Johnny again. Not because Cardan dared to bother you again, but to thank him. Acknowledging that not many men would have done for you what he and his friend did. Johnny assured you it wasn't anything.
Before you knew it, the two of you were hanging out with Simon always tagging along. It took you a while to realize he did actually like you, but his stoic nature was just who he was. You had met Kyle and John, both as charming and respectful as Johnny and Simon.
John had been the first two mention wanting to take you on a date. It didn't go well with the other three. They all had the same intention and a rock, paper, scissors tournament seemed to juvenile to figure out who got the privilege in courting you. Eventually, they had decided to ask you.
Putting you on the spot to answer the question that had begun to tear them apart: which one of them will it be?
Johnny made you laugh. He was the first person you thought about calling when your day was a bit grey. He saw the positive in everything and was the one who made you feel like even the bad days weren't so terrible.
Then there was Simon. The one who you felt like was your safe place in body and mind. You would babble all day talking to him, thankful when he would let you rant. Your mind was able to go on auto-pilot in terms of safety because you knew Simon would handle it. He also gave the best hugs.
John was the one who instilled the confidence in you that you needed. Your bookstore, your writing, whatever aspirations you had, no matter how wild, John would support it. Nothing was too big. After you all started dating, he was the first person you ever let read your book. He gave you praise as well as critique, pointing out multiple plot holes and helping you craft it better. And never once taking credit for it, even when it was due.
Kyle was the most thoughtful one. He was the one who knew you liked trying knew things so he made an effort to always make date nights interesting. A new restaurant, a new activity or experience. He was the biggest giver of the group.
So when they did ask you, you answered honestly.
"I can't choose." They insisted that you didn't need to spare their feelings, but you stood firm in your decision. "No. I can't choose. I'm interested in all of you." When they pressed on why the fuck you didn't say anything earlier, you told them to avoid this kind of situation. Where you had to choose. You were fine continuing on as just friends if that meant you got to keep all of them.
Mere and Tabs were great friends, but they are the ones who helped pull you out of the slump. The ones who made you feel lovable. The ones who made you feel like a woman again.
"Helloooooo." Mere's hand waved in your face while another held something she had found in your closet. "So are you going to change or not?" Your eyes darted to the skimpy glittery black dress. The same one for your first date with them. Your stomach twisted as you took the sparkly dark fabric in your hand.
You nodded as if trying to shake the memory out of your mind. "I'll change and we can go." Better just to get it over with.
The place that Mere had dragged you to was a club that played music that you would only listen to while encapsulated in the aroma of cheap liquor and sweat. Your outfit form-fitting. The material too stiff to be comfortable, but it was cute. The hem of your dress coming to rest just below your ass cheeks. Hugging your body in a way that made you feel self conscious the moment you stepped out of your building.
Mere had run into some work colleagues. Names you couldn't and wouldn't remember. There had been a high profile divorce going on. Very messy. She had been so encapsulated by the gossip that she hadn't notice you and Tabitha had slipped off toward the bar.
Tabitha insisted on shots and you needed something to get your mind off the less than exciting night. Your expectations weren't high, but fuck. You would have been much more comfortable wearing the jeans. You felt like a piece of fucking meat. It would have been so bad if someone were gonna buy you a dr-
"This seat taken?" It was a cliche introduction attached to a slightly better than average face. Decent enough where it didn't hurt to look at him, but not attractive enough to be a seat.
"By all means," you said turning back to Tabitha who looked at the guy now sitting to your left and raising her eyebrows. Fucking hell. Not her too.
"It's pretty packed tonight." He commented, attempted to make small talk. You hated small talk. At least unless it came to Johnny who would get into discussion on politics, religion and why on the side was the best way to fuck because it gave him 'a perfect view of the front and back of ye.'
"You come here often?" You asked, not wanting to be a total bitch, but having absolutely zero desire to be entertaining him.
"When I can." He said. "I prefer the Artifact a couple of blocks down. Not many people heard of it. A bit of a hole-in-the-wall place." Oh cool. A fucking hipster who liked to act superior at knowing a place that is underground. You could feel any possibility of getting your pussy wet, dry at the thought of this man actually wanting to come onto you.
Jesus, when did you become so harsh.
I blame Simon.
"Oh," you say, no longer interested in entertaining the conversation. "Sounds lovely. My friend and I just came out for a bit of girl-" you turn to look at Tabitha who had somehow miraculously disappeared in the 45 fucking seconds that your back was turned....
Little bitch.
"Bathroom, I suppose." He laughed. It was the sincerity in his voice that irked you. God, why was he pissing you off just trying to start a conversation?
"I suppose." You gave a soft smile back, turning once the bartender had come over to grab your order. Which the stranger next to you had insisted buying. Nothing quite as arousing as obligated conversation.
"There's no need for that-"
"Percival." He introduced. "But my friends call me Percy." Your immediate thought was who the fuck names there kid Percival. The second was to offer him a fake name. Real enough to be believable, but fake enough where if he tried to search you up on any social media, you could just deny having any.
"I hate to be brash," he started. Then don't. "But I can't imagine a girl like you being single."
"Not really looking for anything romantic at the moment." You say, the first time you've been truthful this entire conversation. Percival leaned in closer, before asking in a low voice that he was doubt trying to convey as sexy, "Are you sure?"
And there it was. The final ick that nailed the coffin shut.
You offered in a soft smile before swallowing hard. "Percival,"
"My friends call me-"
"I'm going to be frank." Your voice is soft, as if explaining to a small child why we don't always get the things we want. "I just got of a very long and deep and meaningful relationship and the idea of being near another man in any intimate or emotional capacity wants me to cause very serious bodily harm to said man."
His expression fell.
"I appreciate your confidence in coming over here and making small talk, but if you're wanting to fuck me or even attempt to be friends, I must inform you that is no only not in the cards, but not in your best interest." You turned, downing the rest of your cocktail.
"Time for a trip to the bathroom myself, I suppose." You stood from your seat, having to readjust your dress.. "Have a good night."
You were washing your hands when a red-faced Mere walked into the bathroom. Tabitha on her heels with a concerned expression.
"What did you do?" Mere asked.
"What are you talking about?" You asked. You had half a mind to ask them why the fuck they pulled a disappearing act after insisting you go out.
"You told Percy you would castrate him?" You looked as if you had been slapped. The pieces falling into place to reveal a totally fucked up puzzle.
"You fucking tried to set me up." You seethed, a finger pointing accusingly.
"Well, fuck, what did you expect me to do?" She asked. "You were sulking."
"Listen to me!" You cried. "I want you to listen to me. I was with them for two years. It hasn't even been two weeks and you're going behind my fucking back and trying to set me up with fucking Percival? How the fuck do you even know him? Do you even know him?" She ignored your last question. How convenient.
"I thought it would be good to get it out of your system." She tried to defend, her pissyness now matching yours. "You always do this. I was just trying to help."
"What do you mean 'I always do this'?" Your eyes turned into slits.
"Why don't we just calm down and-" Tabitha tried to stop the escalation. Mere, very obviously, ignored that cue.
"You get so hung up on a guy, or in this case guys, it takes you fucking weeks to recover." You stare at her. Unsure if she was really comprehending the bullshit that had come out of her mouth.
"I'm certain you aren't trying to make me feel bad for grieving a relationship that I was in for over three years to a man I was engaged to. To find him fucking in my apartment, in my bed the same week I was going to get my wedding dress."
"It's not just Cardan," she went on. "Issac in our second year of school?" You gave a humorless chuckle.
"Oh yes," you said condescendingly, "the boy I had dated from 14-years old- until I was 19. The boy I gave my virginity two months before he told me he was not only not interested in me, but women in general." As if that somehow lessened the blow. "Absolutely shouldn't have bothered me a bit."
"You only went out for classes and food for two months!" She said as if you had hit a pedestrian with your car. As if you were a fool for being so distracted by a breakup you couldn't be bothered to carry on with life as normal.
"I'm sorry that I actually take the time to grieve my relationships." You said. "I forgot that it may be hard for either of you to comprehend what a relationship is like considering the only relationship either of you have is with your work or with each of us."
"Hey!" Tabitha said. "I understand your pissed, but there isn't need to attack us like this."
"Attack you?" You asked. "Attack you? This isn't me attacking you. This is me responding to an uncomfortable situation that you put me in. I told you I didn't want to even think about me. I didn't want to fuck someone else and you go and do this?"
"He seems like a decent guy." You roll your eyes.
"Probably why he's not your type, right?" Mere crossed her arms over chest. Eyebrow arched as if she were hoping the words enticed you to realize that you had a history of going after the wrong guys.
Unfortunately, it did not.
You sucked on your teeth, carefully choosing your words before World War III broke out in a nearly vacant bathroom in South London. You took a deep breath. Calming yourself as best as you could.
Before saying fuck it and letting it loose.
"Just because your idea of coping is getting drunk and fucking someone you plan on never speaking to again, quite literally discarding them like trash, doesn't mean the rest of us cope the same way." You hoped it hurt. You hope it stung the same way she had tried to sting you.
You had hoped that your word would be the final blow before both sides called a treaty.
"You mean like they did you?"
And just like that, you heart stuttered. A rapid dum dum dum in your chest as it had been tripped up by her words. The truth in them heavy. The shift in the air was almost immediate;.
"Sweetheart-" Tabitha had tried to reach out before you jerked away.
"Enjoy your night." You said, grabbing your purse where you had left it by the sink. "I'm going to go home and wallow in my self pity." You exited the bathroom, hearing your named called again before shifting it into gear and getting the fuck out of there.
Weaving through the sea of bodies like water flowing around rocks.
Who the fuck cares if you want to cry? To grieve? To be angry? To get closure? To move on? Who cares if you don't want to be the girl who gets her heart shattered and not fuck somone else? Who wants to feel the comfort of a familiar body, a touch that feels safe one last time before you go back into a world where you will only be touched by a stranger?
It didn't matter that you were the one to breakup with them, even if the relationship was broken. It's foundation cracked.
What did matter is that the people who should have supported you and in the way you were dealing with your loss in your own way, didn't. And that's the part that they seem to forget. It is a loss. It's mourning someone who hasn't died. Someone who is still living, yet still no longer there.
"Off already?" Percy cut in the way, blocking your escape. You weren't in the mood.
"Listen-" you started before he cut you off.
"Not anything romantic, I know," he raised his hands as if in defense, "but maybe like another drink or a dance?"
You closed your eyes, wanting to hold off starting a scene and tearing him a new asshole. "Like I said, not. interested." How much clearer could you spell it out?
"Come on." He said, his hand coming to rest on your hip. The grip on it weak. You were by no means the type of woman that could take on a man like the ones you still held in a chamber of your heart. But you could most certainly handle your own against Percival. "I'm asking for a dance. After what Meredith told me, I figured you'd be down for at a little more than that."
"I don't follow." Your blood ran cold. Your heart praying that any assumptions that were running through your mind were wrong, they were wrong.
"She mentioned you having a group of like guys you fucked, but stopped fucking." He shrugged, offering a coy smile that you ached to wipe off with the back of your hand. "I don't judge. It's kind of hot honest. Did they run train or-" You felt it then. His hand had traveled from your hip to the curve of your ass.
And you froze. You froze like a coward. Too afraid to speak or scream. Too ashamed to push him away, cause a scene.
But you didn't need to do any of that.
In an instant, Percy's hand was off of you. It took you a moment to realize that a figure dressed in black stood beside you. Your own personal grim reaper.
"Put him go!" You pleaded, breaking out of your trance. You took hold of his arm putting all of your body weight on his arm, trying to break his hold. He didn't falter.
You could handle you own against Percy.
But Simon could fucking kill him without breaking a sweat.
You looked at Simon's face. His eyes were darkened. The soft brown you had once loved staring into were now almost black. You could even make out the dark circles, even in the unsettling flickering of strobe lights in the club.
"You touch her again and I'll slit your fucking throat. Understood?" Pure venom fell from Simon's lips, but you knew he wasn't lying. Simon was the type of man who didn't say something he didn't mean.
You knew that all too well.
Percy choked out an ineligible, gurgled response as Simon's hand held firm on his throat. "He understands, goddammit, no let him down!" You ordered hitting at him as if it would stop him. "Simon, please!"
It was only when you said his name, did Simon loosen his grip. Letting Percy drop to a heap on the floor before he started a having a coughing fit, trying to suck in as much air as he could.
Simon looked down at you and the exit before scooping you up and hauling you over his shoulder like a sack of flower.
You wanted to die. You wanted to crawl in a hole and die and never show your face again.
"Get in the car." He at least had the decency to open the door for you. Simon wasn't a flashy man, by any means, but he was still a man. A men did love their cars.
He stood, waiting for you but you didn't move. You glared up at him. He had carried you out of there in the most humiliating way possible. You had to fight against the hemline of your dress or else everyone would have gotten an eyeful.
Hand still on the door, he leaned down, getting closer and closer to your height. "You get your ass in this car right now," his breath warm against your ear. "Or I'll have you over my fuckin' knee." His tone was sharp. It wasn't seduction in form of a threat. It wasn't even a threat.
It was a promise.
"We're over." You reminded.
"Do you think that'll fuckin' stop me from spankin' some sense into your bratty ass?"
"It doesn't give you the right to fucking do that to people, Simon!" You huffed. "You could have killed in."
"Could have," he agreed. "But didn't. You're welcome." he nodded toward the car. "Now, in you go or I'll do it here. You already know I don't mind an audience."
The heated seats were a bit to warm for your liking against your bare ass. The tension in the air was uncomfortable. Your hands ached to touch the radio. Anything to stop the silence between the two of you.
"I got home fine the other night by the way." You said, looking out the window, hoping to make him feel like shit for not checking in like he should have.
"I know you did."
"What do you mean you know I did?" You asked, turning to look at him. He shrugged as if it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, not stopping.
"Just did." Was his only answer.
"Are you fucking stalking me, Riley?" That made him laugh. You would have felt better if there was at least a sense of humor in it, but, instead, only disbelief.
"Oh, Riley now, is it?" He asked.
"You're not my body guard, Simon." You snapped.
"Not trying to be," he said. "I was never trying to be." You caught it. A very small slip, but it was something... something you couldn't place.
"Then why?" You ask, your tone softening. "For someone who makes it very apparent to be done with me, you sure do show up at convenient times. Hard not to think your keeping tabs on me."
He didn't say anything. No explanation or excuse. Not evena smart ass comeback or remark.
His hands reached forward and turned on the radio, turning the volume just loud enough that if you were to try and continue the conversation, your words would be drowned out.
He pulled up in front of your building, yet you made no move to get out. You turned off the radio, soaking in the silence once more. You wanted to know why? Why was he appearing out of nowhere like a fucking ghost? Why was he helping you?
He sighed before putting the car in park and stepping out. Coming around to your side he opened the door. "Get inside. Go to bed." There he was again. Fucking bossing you around as if he still had a say.
You wanted to cuss him out. To spew hateful words just as he did you.
But you didn't.
You were tired.
So fucking tired. And the idea of going to bed did sound pretty good in that moment. You made it to the door of your building before he spoke again. "And if you need to out at this time at night call a goddamn cab."
"Why?" You asked, turning around. "Getting tired of having to follow me around on foot, Si?"
There was a pregnant pause. Neither of you speaking. His body shifted forward, as if contemplating getting closer to you. As if the pull you once had was still there.
With his eyes trained on you, you felt a chill run down your spine. Twice you had seen that look on Simon's face before. The look that he had given the figures concealed in the shadows last night. The same look he had given Percy.
Only this time, it was directed at you.
One that personified the saying, 'if looks could kill.'
"Because," he growled out, "the next time I find someone else touching you that way, I'll fucking kill them."
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No offense but it feels like absolute torture living as an extrovert who processes things by talking and has a base need for social interaction when you have no outlet/source for that
#i don't even mean talking about the heavy difficult shit even if i guess i do that too much too#but i just...need...connection#real conversations about whatever that last for more than a couple of sentences#if we're getting really crazy here then maybe even sometimes to talk about things i'm interested in and to be listened to#i can't talk about this without people getting defensive but it's like. i'm not angry. i know the common denominator there is me#and well most of us in this system#i'm not angry i'm sad#there's something wrong with us but idk what it is. our needs? the way we talk? what we talk about? the timing?#been trying n trying but can't find the problem#is it the need itself?#do most people live their lives happy with just snippets of interaction n never knowing if what they say will get a response or go ingored?#cause i'm starting to think it's that. we need more than people are supposed to need. which is pretty fucking bad cause it doesn't feel like#somethin we can change. it's very very inherent to us#i could probably do it if i was left to just withdraw but i'm still expected to be available to react for others so#it's like i only get this halfway option that doesn't let me cut off the need but also leaves it totally unfulfilled#n it's fucking killing me 🙂 like i legitimately cannot do this for much longer#extra fun cause our perception of reality is fucked to begin with n then we got lowkey gaslit by a bunch of pretend friends for years#so we genuinely have no idea if our perception of things is even remotely accurate. like maybe i'm just imagining things#maybe we really need to start doing fucking tally marks or some shit so we'd at least know#if we're just hurt by something we're not supposed to be hurt by or if we're also imagining it on top of that#fuck this fucking brain it's like someone just stuffed the most incompatible traits you can have into one person n called it a day#like here have a bunch of needs oh and also these things that means you can't get it met#oh and ALSO some other things that means you're incapable of genuine relationships with almost all people#cause it's apparently not hard enough if you don't also have a very limited circle of people n are incapable of connecting with the rest#spdrvent
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Psssst! Hey! Yes, you! We need to talk about clubs:
Using the Clubs for Immersive Gameplay
Of all the systems that Sims 4 has, the club feature is probably one of my favourites (Restaurants are a close second, but they're not why we're here today!) Clubs are one of the easiest ways to increase your immersion when you play and make the random townies that show up on community lots just a tiny bit less random.
The Basics
Often, people are mostly concerned with the groups their active sims are in. You might already have a club to keep track of your sims' closest friends, study group, or baby daddies, we don't judge here.
Clubs are also a great way to automate what you want your sim to be doing with less micromanaging, but for immersion, we're actually more interested in clubs for the sims you don't (or rarely) play.
WTF are the neighbours doing?
Most of the pre-made clubs are kinda meh. I prefer to add my own so I can make my community lots just a bit more lively and make sure people's activities make just a tiny bit of sense because the autonomy in this game is not great. These are just for inspiration based on clubs I often add to my own game:
A group of teens who meet at the retail clothing store to try on clothes and gossip about Nancy's nose job or whatever.
A local bowling league (complete with uniforms) who meet and bowl - just don't fuck with The Jesus.
An HOA of Karens who meet at the park to clean, raise property values, and be mean to people.
Geeks and gamers who meet at the local arcade to awkwardly flirt over pizza.
Comedians who meet at the local comedy club - you can even use the club doors to make a VIP backroom only for the performers.
Sports teams - such as a basket team who meets at a local basket court, or a swim team who meets at the local pool (you can even give them tiny matching speedos!)
Scouts! The scout feature is cute but it's a rabbit hole, boo! But you can make a Scouts club, complete with uniforms, and have them show up in parks where they can do various activities and work on their badges. Add a teen or two to supervise the younglings, their parents will be so proud, aww.
A sorority or fraternity in university who meet up at the local bar in matching varsity jackets to make all the other students feel inferior.
A group of old ladies who meet at the park to knit or cross-stitch and brag about the accomplishments of their descendants.
A "business" club, usually CEOs, lawyers and such, who meet in fancy bars to hold important business meetings and probably commit white-collar crimes, so predictable.
If you have a sim with an office/work from home job and you'd like to pretend they actually go to work, you can make an office building and a group of "coworkers" who'll show up to drink coffee, chat, and work on computers next to them in the office. It'll even simulate rotating desk assignments for an instant capitalist hellscape!
The possibilities are endless, and I find the club feature really useful to add little interesting scenarios to the background of my gameplay.
Thanks to SQOTD for inspiring this!
📩 Simblr question of the day: according to you, what are the most underutilized gameplay features in the sims games you played, dlc included? - @simblr-question-of-the-day
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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Merry Christmas, guys!!! Ok, so this is a day early, but I wanted to say thanks to you all with a feel-good follow-up to my Game Night fic! So, here: a Christmas Eve sleepover with the boys, and they’re on their VERY best behaviour this time, I promise 😌
The Night Before Christmas
L&DS Boys X Reader
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a3cc87e66bfb2e9111212eefa7fbb5a4/c3d5ec0fa0fcd11c-97/s540x810/97ad431b1f3454c73bff84d843629ae92f840fe5.jpg)
(Recommended to read this fic first, if you haven't already!)
Summary: It’s time to get the gang back together!!!
Genre: Fluff + humour
Warnings/Additional Tags: gn!reader, kinda poly? but mostly platonic, a lil bit of wholesome intimacy, one particularly suggestive joke from Sylus (he can’t help himself), also probably needs another proofread but my eyes are tired 💀
| Word count: 4.8k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!
“Right! Let’s try this again.”
You glance around your living room with your hands on your hips, channelling your inner Captain Jenna as you fight to suppress flashbacks that verge on traumatic.
Some of this is exactly the same as last time. Sylus is sprawled in the same spot on your couch, looking inordinately pleased with himself for someone who has only just arrived. The very image of smugness; you immediately suspect that something is horribly wrong, or on track to go horribly wrong. You glance to the other couch, where Xavier and Rafayel sit, equally braced for your presentation. Neither one has been teleported to the roof of your building.
Sylus is reading your relief, and he gives you an exclusive smile, as if to say: yet.
Try not to think about it.
You stand by a large drawing pad— currently flipped closed to create a suspense that only Xavier has bought into. He gives you an eager nod, the blue of his eyes warm and encouraging.
The faces around you haven’t changed, but your little apartment has. Strings of twinkling lights run around your walls, casting faint, festive glows. There’s frost on your windows. Littered everywhere are ornaments: small, glittery birds and wintery creatures. Lots of snowman plushies, courtesy of a few, dedicated arcade expeditions with your favourite doctor.
New season, new start.
“We all remember how this went last time,” you push on finally. “Mistakes were made. Shit happened. Whatever— we’re not gonna dwell on it.”
Sylus lifts his hand. “I, for one, would enjoy a reminder of said mistakes.”
“Motion denied,” you dismiss with a grin and a customer-service enthusiasm that screams: don’t fuck with me right now. Sylus’s eyes sparkle, like embers anxious to become something brighter— more destructive. Don’t think about it. “It wasn’t my fault. You outnumbered me four-to-one that night, which is why my first order of business today is to appoint a co-host.”
Rafayel’s hand shoots into the air. You look at him incredulously. Zayne is stood beside you, his arms folded, and everyone else in the room has connected those particular dots.
“It’s Zayne, Rafayel,” you sigh.
“What?!” He sits up straighter. “Why him?! What are his qualifications, huh? His credentials?”
“I’ve never set the kitchen on fire,” Zayne says.
The artist scoffs, adds under his breath: “Turned it into an ice rink, though.”
There’s a chuckle from Sylus, and a part of you feels bad, pitting Zayne against the others like this. But he’s not alone. He has you, just you, so you should probably do something. “That actually brings me really nicely to my next point, Raf, thank you.”
Unexpected praise. Rafayel stutters, a faint blush to his cheeks, and you take full advantage of having staggered him. “Zayne, do you wanna…?”
“Of course.” The dark-haired man adjusts his glasses, then addresses the rest of the room. “In the interest of everyone’s safety, we have devised a few rules to be adhered to for the rest of the evening. These will be enforced by a point system, which we will record… here.”
He flips the drawing pad open, and a blank table fills the top half of the page. Each quarter has been assigned a name. “Basically—” you gesture to it— “three strikes and you’re out.”
None of your guests look perturbed by this.
“The first rule is simple,” Zayne explains, pulling away a strip of paper from the bottom of the page, then reading the writing underneath: “No unauthorised use of Evols.”
Rafayel’s hand shoots up again. You tilt your head at it. “Yes, Raf?”
“Ok, so what if there’s a power-cut or something? Lights are out. Heating’s out. Big disaster, yeah? You’re saying I couldn’t—?” He clicks his fingers, spawning a small flame.
“We would use my Evol,” Xavier says with the gentle authority he uses to steer civilians away from a Wanderer incursion. “It’s safer.”
The flame is snuffed out. Rafayel huffs: “Don’t you use it to, like, kill things?”
“Yeah…” Xavier shrugs. “Bad things.”
“Second rule!” you chime.
“Second rule,” Zayne echoes, peeling back the next strip of paper. There’s absolutely no showmanship, nor energy at all as he continues, “No unauthorised sarcasm.”
Another hand raises. “What would be authorised sarcasm?” Xavier asks, squinting as though he can’t quite figure it out on his own.
You purse your lips in thought. “If it makes me laugh?”
Rafayel is stroking his chin, his eyes narrowed, because he’s also thinking. “High risk, high reward,” he muses, and you shoot him a smile.
This is going better than you thought it would, actually. If you were to turn a few more pages of the drawing pad, you would see crude illustrations of the worst-case scenarios you’d sketched out for Zayne earlier. There’s one where Rafayel is trying to strangle Sylus with Christmas lights. There’s another where Zayne has turned you all into snowmen.
Don’t get ahead of yourself, though. The evening is young, and the snowman scenario is still very much on the table.
Culprit of about ninety percent of your nightmarish visions and drawings— Sylus has been unnervingly silent. You meet eyes with him, an inherent mistrust in your gaze. The success of this sweet, humble Christmas Eve hinges on you figuring out what he’s here for. His agenda. His ulterior motives.
What does he want from tonight? He smirks at you. You’re vaguely competent, and you can figure it out without him holding your hand, can’t you?
That reminds you of something. “Zayne.” You jostle your co-host by his arm. “Do the last rule!”
You’re excited about the last rule.
Zayne isn’t; he hesitates. “The last rule…” He rubs at the back of his neck. “It’s… it’s only applicable to you, Sylus.”
Sylus is now also excited about the last rule. You can tell from the way his lips part, for a second, like he wants to tell you just how flattered he is you spend so much of your time thinking about him.
You put Zayne out of his misery, tearing the final strip of paper away from the pad. The paper flutters to the ground like a very plain snowflake, and you wiggle your fingers, adorning the final rule with a touch of pizazz:
No smirking, sass, or general smugness.
A corner of Sylus’s mouth lifts. “Believe it or not, kitten, your little point system doesn’t scare me.”
You pick up the pen and score a mark under his name.
“Oh no,” he mutters lifelessly.
“Sarcasm!” Rafayel coughs.
You’re well ahead of him, already turning to make another mark. “Gods,” you hear Sylus grimace, not much more than a whisper, “you’re such a boy scout.”
There’s a snort from Rafayel. “Sorry, say that again? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you totally getting kicked out of here.”
“Sarcasm,” Sylus says.
“Wait, I didn’t mean— no!”
You giggle as you issue Rafayel’s first strike, and he groans behind you, slumping down in his seat. When you turn back around, his face is buried in his hands.
Sylus is smirking again, but the expression drops the moment he senses your gaze. You both know what’s at stake here. Back in the N109 Zone, Luke and Kieran are lamenting the fact that you’ve stolen their leader— it’s not very Christmassy of you, after all. There were a lot of things they wanted to do with him. Snowball fights, presents, and a heist that required disguises: Santa and his two, hard-working elves. They already have the suit, custom-made for him.
So here is the big, bad boss of Onychinus, hiding in your apartment, and definitely not smirking.
You pop the lid back onto your pen, then post it into your pocket like you’re holstering an all-powerful weapon. That’s one point to you and Zayne, and zero points to Sylus, thank you very much.
…
“What are you doing?”
Sylus sighs, evading a furious lilac gaze while he focuses on the task at hand. Freshly escaped from you and the doctor’s terrifying lecture, he’s making the most of his liberty.
“What I am doing,” he mumbles, tying string around a sprig of mistletoe, “is between me and our charming host. Run along, little artist.” He tightens the knot. “This doesn’t concern you.”
Rafayel crosses his arms, his eyes dark. “You’re cheating.”
“Ha.” Sylus spares him a glance out of pity. “You’re jealous.”
“Am not.”
He definitely is, but Sylus doesn’t have time for this game. He can hear you in your bedroom, rooting around for the phone charger you’d vanished in search of. Your door isn’t closed, but it’s closed enough. You can’t see him. He can’t see you. What a perfect opportunity.
“Give it to me,” Rafayel says— an interruption that warrants a roll of the eyes.
“No.”
“Give it—“ the artist starts again, then makes a grab for the mistletoe. Now that’s jealousy. He could incinerate the plant with a click of his fingers, but no, he wants it. Covets it.
Sylus chuckles quietly, his arm stretching up: holding the mistletoe out of an ever-more desperate reach.
To Rafayel’s credit, he persists. He goes up on his toes, tugging at the older man’s sleeve to try and drag the mistletoe closer. The plant evaporates in a swirl of dark energy the second he succeeds. It materialises behind Sylus’s back, in his other hand, and Rafayel realises instantly. He tries to stretch his arms around him. To take it from him.
“Absolutely not!”
Sylus’s fingers are suddenly empty. Mistletoe-less. He turns reluctantly, still holding Rafayel back.
You stand at your wide-open door, one hand on your hips and the other clutching his confiscated item. You’re frowning. Tapping your foot. Your lips are pursed adorably.
“What a coincidence, kitten,” Sylus smiles, and behind him, Rafayel pokes his tongue out, overcome with nausea. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Clearly.” You jostle the mistletoe, looking… disappointed? Huh. “Never thought I’d catch you indulging an old cliche.”
Sylus shrugs charmingly, like a cat performing a leisurely stretch after toppling a vase from a very high shelf.
“Give me the rest of it,” you command.
“Hmm?”
“The back-up mistletoe, Sy. I’m not an idiot.”
Sylus scoffs, but you do have him wrapped oh so prettily around your finger. He rolls his neck, stalling. If giving up were a slope, he would already be a heap at the bottom of it, but he doesn’t really mind. Three more sprigs of mistletoe appear from thin air, dropping into your open hands.
“Honestly, Sylus,” you groan, stepping past him. Then you thrust the plants to the artist’s chest. “Burn these, Raf.” You’re dusting your hands down as you walk away.
Sylus frowns. That’s neither ideal nor part of the plan.
Rafayel is looking at him, telling him with gloating silence that there’s no playing diplomat, here— no negotiating the return of the hostages. That bridge has been— rather fittingly— burned. The mistletoe turns slowly to ash: darkened by licks of flame that curl with the eager spite of their master’s lips.
It would be beautiful if it wasn’t so damned inconvenient. When the fire’s had its fun, one sprig of mistletoe remains, rich green and ivory— wholly untouched. You’re across the room, talking to Zayne, so Rafayel smirks in triumph. Tucks his prize into his pocket.
Sylus’s heart sinks with it, but he still smiles back.
…
Rafayel isn’t looking too good.
Well, the Rafayel is looking fine, but your Rafayel? Not so much. You steal a glance at the artist across the cluttered kitchen island; he’s sat, leaning, propped up on his elbows, his eyes glazed— he’s clearly away with the fishies. He catches you staring. Gives you a wink.
You glance down at the gingerbread man you’ve been decorating: the blue-pink of his iced eyes, and the mess of purple hair, at least three shades too dark. Oh, gods— probably a million shades too dark through the gaze of a Lemurian. At least the outfit is cute? You’ve recreated Rafayel’s signature cardigan. The plaid pattern isn’t quite straight, but that was a… deliberate choice. This is your interpretation of his cardigan, and you wanted it to reflect its owner. A little all over the place, but still, you love it. Even when it’s coming undone, it keeps you warm.
“Would you like to go next?”
Zayne is talking to you, smiling at you. He was the first to reveal his gingerbread creation: a miniature Xavier that was surprisingly true to life. Your hunting partner had almost glowed with delight, while you were dark with jealousy. The biscuit sits before you all, boasting details that could only be achieved with an exceedingly steady hand.
Worse: Rafayel’s gingerbread is next to it, stupidly, predictably perfect. It’s Zayne. It’s really Zayne, from the sweep of black hair to the hazel eyes; how on earth did he manage to make that colour? The tiny doctor is dressed in his lab coat, sporting his badge and a pocketful of even tinier pens and medical instruments. There’s… shading? Ugh, you can see the creases in the fabric.
“Umm… sure, I can go next,” you mumble.
It was just your luck, pulling Rafayel’s name out of that hat. Sheepishly, you move aside the cookbook you’d stood to guard your project from any prying eyes. Your gingerbread is nudged forwards.
“That’s me!” Rafayel exclaims.
“Yeah…” you confirm half-heartedly. “Sorry, I know it’s not great, but I—”
Lack the skill of a celebrity artist, or the steady hands of a cardiac surgeon? You have no idea which exact pool of self-pity your sentence was set on drowning within, but it doesn’t matter. Rafayel has plucked your gingerbread up for a closer look, and his smile is enormous. “This is amazing!”
“You don’t have to—”
“That’s my cardigan!” He’s crashing the pity party again. “And look at my eyes— the colours! This little guy is so handsome, yeah? You really did me justice, cutie. Look at him!”
He holds the gingerbread up to his face, trying to match its two-dimensional grin. He looks around for affirmation, and it’s just his luck, because is a single man at this table ever going to insult your hard work?
“The eyes are amazing,” Xavier enthuses. “Like the sky at sunset. Who knew my partner was so talented?”
“I did,” Rafayel chirps happily.
Xavier frowns. “No, it was rhetori— never mind.” He smiles at you. Rolls with it. “I knew too, by the way.”
“As did I,” Zayne adds.
Everyone looks at Sylus, who shrugs a shoulder and says, “It was up for debate.”
“Can we please move onto the next person?” you press. This is all too much attention. “Sylus, can you… please?”
He does like it when you beg, but he likes it even more when he can play knight in shining armour. “My pleasure, sweetie.”
For a man whose creative side is mostly indulged by vintage gun restorations, he reveals his gingerbread with a staggering amount of confidence. It’s placed at the centre of the kitchen island, where you all stare down at it. Its hair is snow-white, and its eyes: blood-red.
“That’s…” Zayne begins.
“That’s you, Sylus!” you take-over, voice shrill with betrayal. “You were supposed to say something if you picked yourself! And you— wait, what are…?” There are distinct lines over the gingerbread’s midriff. It dawns on you: “Are those abs?!”
Sylus shrugs again.
“They so are!” You snatch up the biscuit, standing to wave it in Sylus’s face like a crime-scene photo. “Where’s his shirt, huh?”
“He lost it.”
“Bullshit!” you snap. This gingerbread competition had come with its own set of rules, one of which was very clearly: “Nothing obscene! I said nothing obscene, Sylus!”
He leans away from you with a tut. “It’s tasteful, sweetie. The artist will tell you.”
“The artist is staying out of this,” Rafayel murmurs, off to your side.
Sylus crosses his arms, regardless, as though his case has been made. You cross your arms too.
“Can I show you my gingerbread now?” Xavier asks, and his tone is deceivingly soft: a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back.
You release the tension in your body with a sigh, then set the gingerbread down so you can’t throw it at Sylus’s un-smug face (which he’s been very careful about.) “Of course, Xavier,” you smile, slinking back onto your stool. You can throw something at Sylus later. “Ooh, is it me? It has to be me, right?”
Xavier chuckles awkwardly. “It’s you. I don’t think it’s very good, though.”
“Show me!” you insist.
The final cookbook is removed, and Xavier unveils his hard work. You clamp a hand to your mouth.
You don’t have a single word for what you’re looking at— only laughter, and you can’t let yourself laugh, no matter what. If that gingerbread is you? Then it’s a you who’s been torn apart by Wanderers, at least seven consecutive times. Your face is a swirl of colours and features— you think Xavier must have tried to wipe it off to start again, more than once, but it hasn’t worked.
The gingerbread has been broken, too. Three of the four limbs, to be exact, and that you could forgive, but… did he have to use dark red icing to glue them back on? It drips out of the joins messily, almost making you wince.
Everyone is silent.
“A perfect likeness,” says Sylus.
You burst out laughing, and the moment you do, Rafayel’s right there with you. Even Sylus caves— it’s one of the most sincere laughs you’ve ever heard from him. There are tears in your eyes; you can’t help it. Zayne is the strongest of you, but even the tight line of his mouth quivers. He’s biting his lip.
But it’s fine. Xavier is laughing, too. “I said it wasn’t very good!”
“Xavier!” you wheeze. You can’t even look at him. Your stomach hurts. “What… what happened to me?!”
“What do you mean?” he practically giggles.
“What do I mean?” you repeat, and it tips you into another breathless bout of laughter. You go to point at the gingerbread— all the explanation you need— but it almost kills you. You really can’t breathe. After half a minute, you try again. “I look like I’ve been in an accident!”
“Here,” Rafayel grins, and he slides the Doctor Zayne gingerbread over to poor, suffering gingerbread you.
“Aww!” you smile, having finally caught your breath.
Wordlessly, Zayne retrieves his likeness— pulling it away from yours. You frown at him, as confused and wounded as Xavier apparently imagines you. “Even I have my limits,” the doctor shrugs.
That’s it. You’re gone again, your sides aching as your whole body shakes with laughter. It’s too much. Gods, it’s too much. You’re gonna need another minute.
…
“I can’t believe you made you.”
It’s been fifteen or so minutes, and you toy with Sylus’s gingerbread counterpart, pinching his hands between your thumbs and forefingers— making him walk (well, penguin waddle) across the kitchen island.
“Believe it, sweetie,” Sylus huffs with a smile.
“Is this really how you see yourself?”
Before you can walk the gingerbread any further, his creator plucks him up by his head, away from your reaching fingers. “It’s how I think you should see me,” he chuckles. He holds the gingerbread out to you. Wiggles it. “For your eyes only, kitten.”
“Except the other guys saw it—”
“Shhhh, shh shh!” In his haste to silence you, he almost pushes the gingerbread to your lips.
You glare at him. Complain from behind it: “Get your shirtless abs out of my face, Sylus.”
“Make me.”
You snatch the gingerbread, pinning it down on the counter. “Keep pushing your luck, Sy. Wanna see what’ll happen?”
He absolutely does, and his eyes glint with mirth as you reach for a near-empty bowl of crimson icing. You scrape some of it up with a discarded teaspoon, then let it drip generously over his gingerbread. It takes a few, long seconds to really cover him in it. To make him look as fatally tragic as gingerbread you.
“Here,” you say, dropping the spoon in a bowl with a satisfied clink. You hold out the gingerbread. “This’ll be you when I’m done with you.”
Sylus regards it for a moment, his eyebrow quirked. Then his eyes find your gingerbread likeness. “Want to see what you’ll look like when I’m done with you?”
His hand goes out for the bowl of red icing, except… it goes past the bowl of red icing, and lands on a tube of white icing instead. He holds it up with a smile.
“Inappropriate.”
The tube is swept out of his fingers, and he blinks at the empty space, legitimately surprised.
“It was snow, doctor,” he remarks bitterly, once he’s recovered from the second ambush of the evening. He glances over his shoulder. “From a snowball fight?”
“Sure it was,” Zayne mutters, already turning back to the bowl he’s washing in the sink.
Sylus is frowning, affronted, but the expression softens when you’re filling his gaze again. You: your hands on your mouth, so close to spilling laughter. “Oooooh,” you tease with a secretive sing-song voice, “you got in trouble!”
He wrinkles his nose like ‘trouble’ is an insult. It sets you off sniggering uncontrollably.
“What did I miss?”
It’s Xavier, back from the lounge.
“Nothing,” Sylus answers.
“He got in trouble!” you counteract with a not-at-all quiet whisper.
You earn a glare from the criminal, and a little laugh from the hunter. “Third-strike trouble?” the latter enquires. He might have handcuffs on stand-by; it wouldn’t surprise you.
“Not yet,” you grin cheerfully.
Zayne sets a plate on the drying rack. “Give it time.”
…
“I don’t think we have enough, sweetie,” Sylus quips, peeking over the stack of blankets you’ve piled high on his arms.
What was it Rafayel said? High risk, high reward? You mercifully chuckle. Your arms are wrapped around three, plush cushions— the last of your sleepover supplies. Snacks? Are ready. Guests? Haven’t killed each-other yet. You toe open your bedroom door, shouldering the rest of the way through with your missing puzzle pieces of luxury.
“Oh, nice!” someone exclaims from the kitchen. Xavier is watching you, starry-eyed, and his cheeks are full; he’s midway through a cookie.
Sylus steps through the door behind you, issuing a faint noise of disgust. He sounds like he’s being attacked by a bug, so you turn around, ready to leap to the rescue. He’s stood within the door frame, eyes cast upwards to where a sprig of mistletoe hangs on the end of a string. It’s swaying gently; he must have caught his head on it. You frown, lips parted. He was with you the whole time you were looting your bedroom. When did he…? How did he…?
He looks down at you, the mistletoe still hovering above him. You raise an eyebrow, waiting for the inevitable joke, or the even more inevitable invitation.
“I…’ he starts gingerly, “I didn’t…”
Oh. He’s just as confused as you are, and it’s… really cute. He’s lost for words— the man who came here with not one, but four sprigs of mistletoe. The man who threatened your gingerbread with white icing. The man who’s spent the entire evening thinking about how he wants to be close to you.
Sylus laughs, but it’s full of nervousness. “It’s alright,” he says, “you don’t have to—”
You tilt him towards you, your hand on his shoulder and cushions around your feet. “Merry Christmas, Sy,” you murmur, pressing a kiss to his cheek. It’s warm on your lips.
His eyes flutter closed. “Merry Christmas,” he breathes, barely more than a whisper.
You hum contentedly as you pull away from him. When his eyes reopen, they’re warm with a nostalgia you cannot explain, but you can feel, too— so inexplicably. His gaze is blood-red, but it makes you think of flowers.
What a funny feeling. It strikes you a lot, nowadays, and not just with the man in front of you.
Speaking of the others, you glance towards your lounge. Xavier is telling Zayne a story, and Rafayel is watching you from over the back of the sofa— turning away when you spot him. That’s one mystery solved. You collect the cushions from the floor, sparing Sylus a smile before you meander back to your party. The coffee table’s a banquet of sweet, sugary snacks, so you carefully skirt past it.
Xavier’s hands grab at air. You laugh and toss him a cushion. “Thanks,” he grins.
“Here— your favourite.” Zayne is pointing at your freshly-filled mug, and you grin your own thank you as you settle down next to him.
Sylus soon arrives too, handing out blankets, and for all the evening’s animosity, he gets a grateful smile for each. He sits down next to Xavier, and it’s odd, you know? You’ve slain Wanderers, saved lives with every person around you. You’ve seen them bleed and kill.
They’re all wrapping themselves up, like snuggly little Christmas presents. Xavier’s managed to collect another cushion— from Zayne, maybe?— and he’s practically building a fort on his side of the couch. Some of it infringes on Sylus’s space, and you notice him notice, but he doesn’t say a word. Oblivious, tucked under two blankets, Xavier’s already looking sleepy.
Someone’s making less of an effort to get comfortable. On the other side of you, Rafayel sits, uncharacteristically quiet. He hasn’t met your eyes since you sat down. You remember him, watching you under the mistletoe from across the room, and the thought has you leaning in closer.
“That was sweet of you,” you whisper, even though he disobeyed you.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he shrugs.
But he does, so you kiss his cheek, ever so fondly, with that funny feeling in your chest again. It’s the first time, but it doesn’t strike you as such. Uncharted waters, a foreign land— when have I been here before?
Rafayel has relaxed: sunken deep into the sofa and the security of your touch. You smile, pulling his blanket up higher around him— tighter around him— until he’s as much of a cocoon as everyone else. His lips curve with a smile of surrender, ever-willingly captured. Silly fish.
You draw away from him, readjusting in your seat until you’re cuddled up next to Zayne. You don’t see the wink Rafayel shoots Sylus, or the look of begrudging respect in the latter’s red eyes.
“Are you comfortable?” Zayne asks, head angling towards yours.
Co-host to co-host. “Yeah.” You snuggle closer to him. “This is kinda perfect, isn’t it?” He feels cold, despite his Sylus-issued blanket, so you lend him part of yours.
“No,” he confers softly, distractedly.
“No?”
“No.” He gives you a look, and you know it as intimately as the chill of his hands and the warmth of his heart. His ‘I know something that you don’t’ look. Sure enough, he says: “I think it’s missing something.”
On the other sofa, Xavier is beaming at you, having caught onto your conversation. It’s suspicious— harmless conspiracy, surprise-party sort of suspicious, but your pulse still picks up.
“Close your eyes,” Zayne instructs.
And you do, without question. Darkness, yes, but you’re under his care, aren’t you? There’s no anxiousness in your excitement, just trust for the man who was looking out for you long before he was your doctor. Your hands are over your eyes and you’re younger, again, playing hide-and-seek, again.
Zayne’s is a familiarity you can place. A nostalgia built on memories, not reveries.
Something icy touches your hand, then melts without any resistance.
“Open,” Zayne prompts, leaning against you to stir you.
Your apartment has changed again. The lights are all out, save for the fairy lights. The spectrum of colours flicker from the walls and the tree, catching on tiny, white specs in the air. Snowflakes are drifting down, impossibly. Falling, dancing— maybe a bit of both. You look up and some land on your face, cold with their kisses. You giggle in delight.
Everyone’s gaze is on the ceiling: sapphire, emerald, amethyst, ruby. It ought to be dark. Instead, an entire night sky fills the space above you, scattered with thousands of stars. Every pinprick is deliberate. Meticulously placed. There are constellations— infinite patterns that transcend every life you might’ve lead, and every life you’ll ever lead (if you believe in that sort of thing.)
Xavier glances at you, and you forgo the spell of his masterpiece so that you can glance back. Snowflakes are in his hair, dusting him with sparkles. He smiles in a way you think could defy lifetimes, too.
“This is… really something,” Sylus says, and there’s not a hint of sarcasm.
It’s everything. The stars, brighter for darkness. The snow, only novel in warmth. These things don’t always work— they’ll undo each-other, overpower each-other, but there’s an ultimate balance, in-between every conflict. An occasional harmony, and it’s…
Perfect.
Rafayel scoots close to you. “Was this authorised?” he whispers.
You look over to the point board, where there are first strikes beneath Zayne and Xavier’s names, and you don’t know how long they’ve been there.
“No,” you laugh tenderly. “No, it wasn’t.”
#���rach is actually writing#xavier x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#love and deepspace#lads x reader#lads x mc#shen xinghui#li shen#qi yu#qin che#lads#lnds#l&ds
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𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬 (𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 & 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝)
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Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously. 18+
Methodology: Traditional and Whole Sign
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Placements:
Leo Sun
Cancer Moon
Sagittarius Rising
Virgo Venus (retrograde)
Scorpio Mars
Is He A Fuckboi?
6/10
People who have a Virgo Venus can enjoy having sex without feelings involved so Mingi probably can be a fuckboi but his Cancer Moon would intervene and he would become emotionally dependent on you very quickly.
His Sagittarius/Jupiter influence means he has a high drive like super fucking high he can go all day if he had the opportunity.
So, I feel in his horny moments he could just fuck a random stranger but afterwards or when it's out of his system, he'd probably feel bad or low-key guilty about pursuing sex if there's no 'feelings' involved.
Red Flags:
Mommy Issues! Mingi is a huge Mommy's boy and he's mentioned in the past about how his relationship with his mother is the most important to him.
This is EXTREMELY common in men who have Cancer Moons and they usually grow up with a mother who 'babies' them and have a borderline codependent relationship with their mother.
So you might struggle with being accepted by his family and consistently fight for approval or validation from the women in his family.
Green Flags:
Your No 1 Support Person! You will feel like you haven't experienced as much support and hype energy from your loved ones like the support you'll experience from Mingi.
He will be devoted to you and worship you and do whatever he can in his power to ensure your life is easier and more enjoyable whenever you're with him.
Whilst Mingi is a high-maintenance partner, his presence as a boyfriend would have a healing impact on you and life will fill like a more positive experience when you're with him.
Ideal Type: If He's Into Women (Which I'm Damn Sure He Is)
Personality Traits:
Extroverted!!! He has a 5th House in Aries so he is attracted to women who are loud, outgoing, extroverted and are not afraid to speak up about their needs.
Mingi is someone who's a constant over thinker so he needs a partner who is okay with being upfront about what their needs and expectations are of him, it's why he has a strong friendship with Yunho because Yunho tells him what to do and he does it.
Protective!!! He really is low-key looking for someone who will embody a 'mother' role and ensure he feels safe, protected and cared for all the time.
If you look at heaps of fancalls with Mingi, the ones where you can tell he's invested in the Atiny are the ones who lead the fancall and just basically hype him up and froth over him.
Physical Traits:
Here's the Link to a fancall with an Atiny where he explicitly says 'you're my type' and you can TELL omg he looks like he wants to devour her in those remaining 30 seconds.
A feminine/girly aesthetic with a slight emo/punk twist combined with a masculine attitude is the best way to describe Mingi's type physically.
If you don't want to click the link, he says word for word to the Atiny 'look so amazing, black (he did say that but the Atiny muted it), and dark, and your accessory and outfit is so beautiful...yeah my type'.
The Atiny later revealed she's British and Dominican so the rumours of Mingi being attracted to women who are of a different ethnic background are probably true (a win is a win).
Sub, Switch Or Dom?
Mingi is a switch with a submissive preference and the only member of Ateez who has a submissive preference and would fall into the category of being an obedient and needy/clingy sub.
He has an 8th House Moon and these people are NASTY in the bedroom usually so his partner would have to be open to trying new things.
In a dominant position, Mingi would become a soft/service/pleasure dom and would probably still need a lot of reassurance even if he's taking the lead.
And men with a Scorpio Mars are the type to fuck and love passionately so whilst he's not a degrading/mean lover...he wouldn't necessarily be a gentle lover either because he struggles with verbally expressing his love for you so he's going to ensure you know he loves you in another way.
Which usually manifests in him fucking you so deep your hips bruise, legs are shaky and there's an ache in between your thighs the next day.
Speaking of thighs...
Kinks: (Just A Few)
Ass and Thigh play!!!
Mingi is an arse and thigh guy all the way, he loves seeing your arse jiggle as he fucks you doggy style and leave hand prints all over your cheeks.
Would enjoy a late night lovemaking session where he can hit it from the side and squeeze and play with your thighs as he fills you with his love.
He'd enjoy pulling out and covering your arse with his sticky cum, watching it drizzle down your thighs while he takes a few sneaky pics for his phone collection.
You think he's been a bad boy and want to punish him? It hurts his feelings that he can't fuck you but he'd be more than okay with pushing his dick in between your thighs and just getting off in that way.
And don't think this is just for you no honey, this goes both ways.
You riding his thighs? Using him like a personal toy just to get yourself off? He'd have to force himself from not cumming in his pants with how hard it would make him.
Scratch his thighs, smack his arse, you can low-key bite the meat of his arse and leave a bruise there and he would enjoy it all the same.
You just need to validate him and tell him how good he is, how proud you are of him, how wet he makes you feel.
'Look how wet you made me right now mmmh? You deserve a reward for being such a good princess for me right?'
On a more taboo level, Mingi could also be into kinks like anal, arse play (both giving and receiving), rimming, and I think in the right environment he'd even let you peg him.
Just ensure he receives the most immaculate aftercare, allow him to do the same to you and he'll never leave your side.
He's tied to you for life.
I won't be publishing anything in September because I'll be writing for Kinktober so pls enjoy this longer post!
It's been a struggle for me to stay motivated on here because my last few posts have flopped with receiving attention and/or interest...considering how long I have been on here.
So adieu until October!
Taglist: @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @gyuhanniescarat @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @hologramhoneymoon @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @justaaveragereader @ja3hwa @silentreaderthings @daddysspecialdollyworld @abby-grace @wisejudgedragonhairdo @smilefordongil @writhingwrecked @hongthoven @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell
#ateez smut#ateez hard hours#kpop smut#song mingi#mingi smut#song mingi smut#ateez x reader#atz x reader#mingi x reader#ateez drabbles#atz drabbles#ateez fluff#atz fluff#mingi fluff#ateez hard asks#atz hard asks#ateez hard thoughts#atz mingi
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Dunk and Joong could have offered me anything in 2024, and I would have taken it, gladly, no questions because my ass is a Jaidee fan first and a human second. But to hand me The Heart Killers? Oh! Let me list all the reasons y'all gonna hate me when this comes out.
Joong plays Khao's older brother
Khaotung is older than Joong, but in BL Land that doesn't matter because Khao is playing the hopeless romantic little brother while Joong is playing his stern older brother. Someone already wrote it was 10 Things I Hate About You/The Taming of the Shrew, and Shakespeare would be thrilled to know one of his masterpieces is getting the queer treatment and it's not Twelfth Night.
Dunk is playing the crazy seducer
Boy wants a car and is willing to go to great lengths to do it, including distracting some dude, so his buddy can play house with that dude's little brother. But the whole point is they had to find a guy who was crazy enough to accept the offer in the first place >insert Dunk's character< so the guy isn't just wanting the car. He is doing this for the thrill of getting tied up, stripped down, and threatened.
And I respect that.
Jojo is apparently directing
I wanna have beef with Jojo after Only Friends, then I look at his resume and remember this is the man who gave me puppy play in The Warp Effect, poly in 3 Will Be Free, and a chaotic stripper named Judo in Dirty Laundry PLUS the YinWar trailer for their Partner in Crime concert which has now lead to YinWar doing Jack & Joker, so as a vegetarian, I'm gonna be like Elsa and let that go.
Which means Rath is probably the cinematographer
I don't give men compliments easily, so when I state that Cinematographer Rath has never disappointed me, I mean it. The man knows what he is doing, and if he is in on this series, I know if anything, it will be visually stunning.
First and Khao being the Beyonce of GMMTV
I'm in Jaidee's corner always, but I have eyes and First and Khao could really do whatever they want and I'd eat it up. I have believed them with whomever they have been partnered with in the past, and if they want to play high schoolers in an oppressed school system or a banker willing to see his ex and his ex's new man just to flirt with the boy from the market, I'm buying the tickets, I'm sitting in the front row, and I'm holding up homemade posters. Basically, I'm shutting the fuck up and experiencing whatever they want me to experience.
First and Khao tears
This is its own category because when they cry, they are in a league of their own. They claimed this series was going to be lighter than their previous work, but what is a First or Khao series without tears? I hope they are drinking water right now because someone is crying in this series, and JD's faces are already wet for other reasons.
DUNK'S BODY!
Not to objectify the man's body, but . . . it's a banger, and he has been done dirty by wardrobe for two solid years. His face card never declines. His arms are solid. His waist is snatched. His hair is perfect. Even Tay, New, and Jan were talking about him in the BTS for Peaceful Property because they were saying how New's character was based off of Dunk - pretty, fashionable, and COCKY! But wouldn't we all be that cocky if we were walking around looking like this?! Like shut up fives. A ten is speaking!
It's high time that man got to stunt like Force always does just taking off his shirt for no reason. Good for him. And good for us.
Oh, yeah, and the plot
Sorry, I mean the plot.
SHIT, THE PLOT!
You know what? Nah. I honestly do not give a fuck about the plot. Joong and Khao are hired killers. First is out to get them. Dunk gets involved (although, I think he knows a lot more than he leads on), and . . .
All will end well.
Because if anything, Jojo ain't never been allergic to a happy ending *wink*
So just know this show hit its target audience
ME!
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¡Salud!
#the heart killers#gmmtv 2024#joongdunk#firstkhao#this was meant for me!#rath and jojo save me!#give me chaos and visuals#I'll take whatever you give me#I'm still gotta talk smack about everything else#but I'll be quieter about it
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Formula 1 Incorrect Quotes with reader Two
F1IQ - Part One
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Y/n: Bitch why don't you shut the fuck up before i slit your throat and watch the honor roll out?
Max: Are you threatening me??
Y/n: No, I'm hitting on you, flash me a titty bitch.
Lewis: Yeah uh, there's something I've been wanting to say lately.
Y/n: Oh what's that?
Lewis: The N-Word
Y/n looking at toto: Look at your dad. Such a dork, keeping bees.
Y/n: I mean atleast it's interesting though. At least like, i wish my dad kept bees.
Y/n: I mean it's kind of cute. Like, your dad keeps bees.
Y/n: How old is your dad? He's obviously beekeeping age. I dont know. I think It's kind of sweet.
Y/n: George, i wanna fuck your dad.
George: Oh really?
Yuki: Hey can i sit with you?
Y/n: Why
Yuki looking at stroll and ocon: The kids at the other table keep throwing ketchup packets at me.
Y/n: You're not covered in ketchup, though
Yuki: They don't know you have to open it first
Y/n: Damn. We need remedial bullying class too.
Yuki: So how do you like your remedial english?
Y/n: I guess it's whatever. My mom was really pissed, though.
Yuki: Yeah? What about your dad?
Y/n: My dad killed himself.
Charles: I'm finally seeing someone good for me.
Alex: Omg who is it?
Charles: A therapist
Y/n: max is pissing me off *20 minutes ago*
Y/n: nvm just got dicked down
George: Girl what..
Fernando: Every time i talk to you i feel confused.
Fernando: I've never met anyone that speaks like you do
Y/n: Stop lovebombing me
Fernando: what? It's not a compliment
Fernando: You scare me
Y/n: What are you hiding from me?
Zhou: Nothing..
Y/n: Zhou Guanyu.
Zhou pulls out a cat: The cat distribution system chose me okay
Y/n at drive to survive: If he cheats on you, put hair remover in his shampoo, you wanna act like Andrew tate, u gon look like him too.
Lewis wearing a beanie: I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER
Toto: That's your fault. Being too quick signing your seat with ferrari
Oscar: Are you high?
Lando: Am i what?
Oscar: High
Lando: Hello
Christian: So what could a Mercedes principal possibly have then?
Y/n: I just feel like he'd be into satan-worship, or at the very least have a sex diary.
Christian: A toto wolff sex diary would be horrifying. He's like our rival.
Y/n: We say that about Stephen king books, we still read those.
Daniel: "Dear diary, hot candle wax hurts so good"
Christian: No it'd probably be like a thesaurus of words for "Good"
Daniel: Yeah he probably sexts with perfect grammar.
Y/n: "My wife showed an exquisite exhibition of lust for me."
Toto: Let me try something different here. Do you guys have thoughts and feelings for one another?
Y/n: Uhh i think George's kinda spoiled
George: And i feel like y/n's a bitch
Y/n: What're you gay?
Alex: What.. How did you know? I've never told anyone that.
Y/n: Dude look at your hair dye, you're either gay or color blind.
Lance: bro stop chanting in dead language's your scaring the hoes
Y/n: Bitch you is so lonely I'm summoning the hoes
Sebastian: You used to be shy, now you're a whore
Y/n: There's a thing called character development
Oscar: Reminder that I'm very sweet and endearing so be nice to me
Carlos: or what
Oscar: or I'll punch your lights out
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Hey yall this is a bit short cause I'm finna make a random crack twitter posts n I'll post it in the most random day. I love yall baby💋
#formula one incorrect quotes#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#carlos sainz x reader#max verstappen x reader#daniel ricciardo x reader#alex albon x reader#george russel x reader#toto wolff x reader#zhou guanyu x reader#yuki tsunoda x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#charles leclerc x reader
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