#i don't mean to upset anybody should they enjoy the pair

[eifri]

so i've been thinking about this a lot the past few days of playing xvi, and i suppose i would be classed canon-divergent / headcanon-based if i went along with it, but at the moment i'm feeling: i don't think i'll default to clive having romantic feelings for jill in any verse. when i get to completing my theme and / or carrd should i make one, i'll update this accordingly and such. i won't go into too much detail at the risk of spoiling things, but i'll just say everything i've experienced so far feels quite out of place and almost like a detriment to jill's character, which is a bit upsetting given how much potential she has as a character after all she's been through. my feelings could be swayed later on, but from what i've heard, it's not very likely to change. this doesn't mean i will never ship with a jill writer; only, like with any other muse, it will require chemistry between the muses and the writing.

[moe-broey]

Man..

[formulauno98]

Yacht Girl Summer - Chapter Ten / Thursday Evening, Four Months Post-Break-Up - George Russell x Reader, Toto Wolff x Reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: Angst!!! 🌶 This one is a little spicy. 18+ only. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of two-timing don't read this.

Author’s Notes: Disclaimer, purely fiction. No use of Y/N and minimal descriptions because I want everyone/anyone to be able to enjoy this.

I'm sorry this chapter took forever to post, life got very busy and some of you may have seen that I had someone plagiarising my work on Wattpad and was NOT happy. I got it taken down and finally felt ready to finish this bad boy.

There will be one more chapter coming up shortly, aptly named Chalet Girl Winter. Hope you like it and thank you to everyone who reported the person who was stealing my work 🫶🏽

THURSDAY EVENING, FOUR MONTHS POST-BREAK-UP

George's alcohol-glazed eyes bore into yours in a way that made you almost uncomfortable. Surely he did not mean what he just said and was just drunk? Before you could determine an appropriate response, your door buzzed for the second time that evening. Your heart leapt to your throat, knowing exactly who it was. 

Toto.

“Who’s that?” asked George, his tone suspicious.

“Well…” you stumbled over your words, “I was trying to tell you. It’s Toto….”

George’s expression shifted to horror as he groaned.  “Amazing,” he muttered. “Just what I need. I’ll go, forget what I said.”

Your eyes softened, “George…” Before you could finish your sentence, the buzz came again, Toto was obviously growing impatient. “I better get that,” you said, George huffing in response.

You stood there in awkward silence, George glowering as he knew Toto was on his way up and there was no escaping seeing him. Fortunately, the pair of you didn’t stand there long before there was a knock on your door. 

Taking a deep breath, you opened it to reveal Toto standing there, handsome as ever, grinning, holding an impressive bouquet, even larger than the one George had brought.

“Hi,” he said, his smile faltering as he stepped inside and clocked George standing in the hallway behind you, "Hi George, what’s going on here?"

George turned to face Toto, his face now filled with rage, "Of course, you’re here" he spat. "You just can't stay away, can you?"

"George, calm down, Toto, come in," you said, Toto looking shocked as he stepped inside. You quickly closed the door, not wanting your neighbours to overhear the drama unfolding, stepping between the two men. 

"I don’t think you’re in a position to lecture me," George snapped, his voice rising as he stepped forward, squaring up to Toto over your shoulder. "Why do you think you can just come here and replace me? Steal my girlfriend?"

Toto, to his credit, remained calm, handing you the bouquet he’d been holding, and moving out in front of you, his hands now raised in a placating gesture as he faced the younger man. "George, I understand you're upset. But this isn’t helping anybody."

"Upset? You don’t know the half of it," George shot back. "You think you can just waltz in here with your yacht, all tall, dark and handsome and your big flowers and your charm and…"

"George," Toto interrupted, his voice firm but gentle. "Please, I didn’t come here to argue."

The tension in the hallway was palpable and you could see George's anger teetering on the edge. You stepped from behind Toto and placed your free hand on his arm, trying to soothe him. "George, please, it’s been months."

For a moment, you thought George might explode, but then he seemed to deflate, the fight going out of him. "I just... I just wanted to fix things," he mumbled.

“There’s nothing to fix,” you said, looking at the ground as you felt your eyes tearing up. “I’m sorry but I think you should go,”

George glanced back at you, his eyes filled with hurt. "I just don’t understand why things had to end this way. Why him? Of all people?"

"It’s complicated," you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "We both deserve to be happy and I think we both know that it wasn’t working between us anymore."

Toto stepped forward, his voice calm and reassuring as he placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. "George, it's clear you still care but right now, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself."

George looked between you and Toto, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

Toto nodded and pulled out his phone. "My driver just left, let me message him and he’ll take you home.”

“Okay.” said George, looking at you wistfully, “Can’t say I didn’t try.”

You felt a pang of guilt as you watched George shuffle towards the door as Toto typed out a text. You turned to face your former boyfriend, "George, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I hope you find someone who makes you happy."

He gave you a sad smile. "Yeah, me too." With a glance back towards Toto, he added, "Take care of her."

Toto nodded. "I will.”

Then, much to your surprise,  George leant in to hug the older man, perhaps a sign that the journey to forgiveness had begun. “Thanks, boss,” he said.

Toto shot you a look of shock over George’s shoulder, somewhat awkwardly patting him on the back. “I’m sorry for everything.” he said, his deep voice thick with emotion, “I really am.”

George seemed placated by Toto’s words and stepped back from the embrace, his eyes red, filled with emotions. “I appreciate that," he said quietly, casting one last look at you. "I’m sorry I interrupted your evening, I guess I should get going.”

"Don’t be silly. I know it’s weird but you’ll always be welcome here, any time," you replied softly.

“Thank you,” said George, turning to Toto. “Did you say your guy will be here soon? I can wait downstairs and be out of your way.”

“Honestly, take your time,” you said, secretly willing Toto’s driver to arrive asap. As if by magic, Toto’s phone buzzed.

“He’s downstairs,” said Toto, clearly sharing your sentiments as you exchanged a look of relief.

“Thanks, Toto.” said George, “See you guys around.”

As you murmured your goodbyes and George walked out your door, you were floored by the evening’s events. Did George really still love you or was it just the drink talking? If Toto hadn’t come over, what would have happened?

Your mind was racing as you closed the door behind him and Toto immediately pulled you into a comforting embrace, his strong arms enveloping you, putting your mind at ease.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face.

You nodded, feeling the weight of the evening slowly lifting. "I am now. Thank you. I’m sorry about that, it’s not been easy. I bumped into George when I was out earlier and I guess he hit the pub afterwards."

Toto gently rubbed your lower back, soothing your concerns, "No need to apologise, it’s not your fault. I think unfortunately this was always going to happen. He has been behaving strangely with me all season.”

“How come you never said anything?” you asked, leaning into Toto’s chest, “It’s less than ideal.”

“Life is often less than ideal. But we deal with it and move on.” Toto said, pressing a kiss to to top of your head, “How about we get some food and relax? We can take your mind off things."

"That sounds perfect," you replied, “And thank you for these, they’re beautiful,” you added, holding up the huge bouquet Toto had handed to you. 

Toto’s goofy grin had returned, “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman. Although I did picture myself giving them to you in different circumstances.”

You laughed as you made your way through to the kitchen to find a vase for them, gesturing for Toto to follow. “You mean to say that you didn’t envisage my ex being here?”

Toto laughed in return, “Not exactly, I can’t blame the guy though. I wouldn’t want to lose you.”

Surprised by Toto’s admission you stopped in your tracks, “Well don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Toto quirked an eyebrow as you set about arranging both his bouquets and the roses from George in two vases, struggling to fit them in.

“Did George bring you those?” asked Toto, sidling up to the kitchen island.

“Yep,” you said, feeling slightly guilty, “I don’t want to waste them.”

“Of course,” said Toto, smirking slightly as he clocked how much larger his bouquet was.

“Sorry, I’m being the worst hostess, I got some wine out and then George completely distracted me. Would you like some?” you asked, suddenly flustered by Toto’s presence in your kitchen.

“Relax,” said Toto, stepping nearer to you, reaching around to hold your hip from behind as you arranged the flowers, kissing your neck softly, “I will pour us the wine.”

Melting into the tall Austrian, you finished arranging the flowers and turned to face him, “Sorry, I let the stress get to me. I was kind of surprised when you said you were nearby and then George coming over completely blindsided me.”

“Don’t be silly and stop saying sorry” Toto said, gently caressing the side of your face, “I should be one saying sorry if I took you by surprise. I wanted to see you. I had planned to take you out to dinner but maybe a quiet night in is better tonight?”

“A quiet night sounds wonderful,” you said, stretching up to kiss him, finally starting to calm down from your stressful altercation. It was amazing how quickly you had started to feel comfortable with Toto.

“So this is where you live?” asked Toto, pulling away and starting to take in his surroundings for the first time. Your apartment was small but cosy and somehow Toto’s tall frame looked larger than life in the tight space of your kitchen, almost as if he didn’t belong.

“Yes,” you said, feeling awkward as Toto surveyed your domain. “My home for the last four years. I know it’s nothing compared to your yacht even but…”

Toto quickly interrupted you, leaning over to kiss you once more before pouring out two generous glasses of wine. “Stop it. This place is perfect. It’s you and that’s what makes it perfect.”

You chuckled, knowing he was being polite and was used to much grander surroundings, "Thanks. I’ve tried my best!"

Toto finished pouring and handed a glass to you. "To a quiet night in," he toasted, clinking his glass with yours, his eyes crinkling warmly as he smiled at you.

"To a quiet night in," you echoed, taking a sip and feeling the tension of the evening finally begin to melt away.

FRIDAY MORNING

As your eyes fluttered open, crisp Winter sunlight started to spill through the curtains and you were finally content. Toto had kept a firm grip around your waist all night and waking up in his strong arms was bliss. You could feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest pressed up against your back as he slept peacefully.

Having ordered dinner in, spent far too long carefully selecting a film to watch together and then watched it for all of ten minutes before you were all over each other, your quiet night in had taken a wilder turn. Having only had the one time with him on the yacht, you hadn’t known what to expect but Toto had more than delivered. You were sore in the way that you only felt after a night spent fucking, enjoying each other’s company and letting loose for the first time in what felt like forever.

Basking in the post-sex glow, you snuggled closer into Toto before you dropped back off to sleep, knowing that you didn’t have any commitments for the day and could enjoy a lie-in.

– – – 

Rousing from your sleep for the second time that morning, this time was different. Your bed was cold, there was no strong arm cuddling you, Toto was nowhere to be seen and your heart dropped. You hadn’t discussed whether he would stay the night but to wake up and find him missing was somewhat disheartening. Perhaps you’d gotten the wrong idea? Cara and Marion’s words of warning swam around in your head, leaving you wondering.

That was until you heard a clatter coming from the kitchen. Easing yourself out of bed, you fetched your bathrobe, slipped it on and made your way to the source of the noise.

“Morning!” said Toto brightly, turning to face you. He was wearing nothing but boxers and a copious dusting of what looked to be flour.

“Good morning,” you said sleepily, making your way over to him, realising what he was doing. He was making pancake batter. You were floored, in what world does a man who has staff to do everything he could ever dream of wake up and start making pancakes? “This looks interesting.”

Toto looked a little sheepish, bending down to kiss you, coating you with a light sprinkle of flour. “Sorry for the mess, I thought I would surprise you with breakfast in bed and clean up without you seeing.”

“Oh my goodness,” you said, “Don’t worry about that!” You smiled widely at your beau, “I thought you’d left, I’m just happy to see you.”

“Why would I leave?” asked Toto, quirking an eyebrow, “I am not working today, I thought I told you.”

Casting your mind back to the previous night, you suddenly recalled him saying something about having Friday free - you were an idiot for thinking otherwise. “Sorry, my bad,” you said, coming closer to him, placing a hand on his hip as you surveyed the carnage that was your worktop. He’d taken the bowl off of your Kitchenaid but managed to coat most of the worktop and himself in flour. “Have you made pancakes before?”

“Have I made pancakes before?” Toto repeated back to you, aghast, “Who do you think I am? A heathen?”

“Well, it’s not like you were making pancakes every day on the yacht…” you replied sheepishly, hoping he wasn’t insulted.

“That was my holiday, I’m not cooking on holiday, especially not for six guests,” said Toto grinning, “Now that you’re up I can ask, do you want tea or coffee? I know you drink both.”

Grinning that he remembered this small detail, you replied, “Maybe coffee this morning, something kept me awake all night.”

Smirking, Toto turned around to face you, “Sounds like a fun night…”

Returning his look, you leaned up once more to catch his lips with yours, “Indeed it was.”

“Well there’s more where that came from,”  said Toto boldly, his hands starting to caress your hips as he gazed down at you.

“That’s good to hear,” you said, sliding a hand under the waistband of his boxers, stroking his bare hip idly. 

“We have time later, let me finish breakfast, go back to bed and I’ll bring it to you,” said Toto, taking your wandering hand in his.

“No, I can help, honestly,” you said, “How about I make the coffee?”

“Ok.” said Toto, pressing a kiss to your hand before dropping it, “Deal.”

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

By the time Toto had left, he’d spent the best part of the weekend with you, only having left your side to go and grab some fresh clothes, not having planned to stay over. You’d spent a good part of the weekend in bed, making the most of your time together before Toto had to leave for the final race of the season in Abu Dhabi.

Aside from the obvious, you’d also spent time getting to know each other better, exchanging stories about your childhoods, your crazy family members, not to mention your hopes and dreams. Toto was a good listener and you were pleasantly surprised that he even remembered things you’d told him when you’d first gone to explore the cove and sat by the waterfall. 

Life could be strange and surprising sometimes and Toto was certainly turning out to be a man full of surprises. If you could have time-travelled back to the days of you sitting patiently in the garage watching George drive around, your past self would have baulked at the idea that you’d now be so close to his intimidating Team Principal who had never even looked twice at you. You knew that you would never have believed it but stranger things had happened.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON, ONE WEEK LATER

The following weekend you settled down on your sofa, a glass of wine and snacks in hand, to watch the final race of the season. The Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. Granted, your situation was an odd one, rooting for your ex-boyfriend’s team because your current not-quite boyfriend owned and ran it was a somewhat unusual predicament but you wanted to see how they got on. 

Mercedes weren’t fighting for a driver’s championship but could still do well in the constructors and were competing against Ferrari for second place, something you knew that Toto wanted desperately. It meant more to the team collectively and more to the shareholders.

You’d promised him you’d be watching as you’d waved him off so true to your word, you settled down to watch. As the camera panned around you kept an eye out eagerly for any glimpse of Toto. Searching hungrily for that famous white shirt or tousled dark hair. You knew that the cameras often liked to linger during races as he was particularly emotional for a Team Principal so it would only be a matter of time before he was shown. 

Sure enough, the race had only been running for a few laps when George made a particularly impressive overtake and Toto was shown enthusiastically celebrating. Butterflies started as you took in his dimpled grin, quickly turning to nausea as the camera panned out to show him wrapping his arm around a willowy blonde on his left-hand side. She was statuesque, beautiful and all too close to the man who’d recently stolen your heart. Tears started to form as you saw him flash a handsome smile at her which she returned, leaning into him, their heads close as his hand lingered on her waist.

You were devastated. Of course, Cara and Marion had warned you about Toto’s playboy tendencies but you naively had believed that Toto was not seeing anyone else. How could you have been so foolish? He was just using you and going home to a model-like blonde. In a fit of rage, you turned the TV off. This was clearly your karma for what you had done to George.

– – – 

Having turned your attention to cleaning your flat for the rest of the afternoon, you spent the next few hours dwelling on the cosy image that was now burned into your mind and were livid by the time your phone rang. 

Toto. The name flashed on the screen as you swiped to decline the call. A few minutes later and he rang once more.

By the end of the afternoon you had six missed calls from Toto so after you’d checked where Mercedes had finished (you were relieved to see they had come second in constructors- you weren’t completely heartless after all), you turned your phone off. 

You didn’t want to talk to Toto, you didn’t want to see him. He’d lived up to his reputation and you felt like a fool. What was he playing at, flaunting another woman on screen when he knew you’d be watching? You briefly considered sending a message to Cara as you knew she was at the race and would suitably berate Toto for his cruel behaviour, but you decided against it. It was time to take the high road and ignore him. He was probably out celebrating with the mystery woman anyway.

You didn’t sleep that night, restlessly tossing and turning as the mental picture of Toto’s hand on another woman’s waist lingered in your mind. You knew it was incredibly hypocritical considering the circumstances that you’d gotten together but you were floored by the cruelty of which he’d flaunted another woman when he knew you’d be watching. It was sick and twisted and you were upset at yourself for being so stupid.

MONDAY MORNING

Finally having dropped off the sleep, you were rudely awoken by the buzzer of your door. You groaned as you woke up, your eyes puffy from a night spent crying. It was still dark and checking the time on your clock, you saw it was five o’clock in the morning. There were only two people in the world who would have the audacity to wake you at this hour and you groaned once more, not wanting to see either of them.

The intercom buzzed once again, whoever it was growing impatient. Getting out of bed, you padded along to the hallway to answer the door.

“Hello, can I help you?” you said wearily, the annoyance clear in your tone.

“Is everything okay?” came a deep, heavily accented voice over the speaker. Fuck, it was Toto. Although you hadn’t wanted to see George, he was easier to deal with and get rid of.

“You tell me,” you said indignantly, yawning.

“Can I come up?” asked Toto, “I am sorry if I woke you, I was worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

Knowing the man as you did, you knew he was persistent so reluctantly you pushed the key button and answered tetchily, “Sure, come up.”

“Have…” Toto began answering but you cut off the intercom, waiting to see how he’d explain himself face-to-face.

Knowing he was on his way up, you steeled yourself and hurriedly tried to flatten your bed hair in the hallway mirror as you caught sight of yourself looking like a wreck. You were fighting a losing battle but didn’t have time to do more as a knock landed on your door.

Cracking the door open you were surprised to see that Toto was still wearing his work uniform, he must have come straight from Abu Dhabi. He looked equally as shattered as you felt and it somehow comforted you to know that Mr Perfect was not always so. His normally pristine white shirt was rumpled and his hair was nothing short of a complete mess.

“Thank goodness,” he said, pushing the door wider and coming towards you, trying to pull you into an embrace.

“Why?” you said, annoyed at his pretences and turning away from his arms.

Looking hurt at your rejection, his brow furrowed, “I thought something bad had happened. I was trying to call and it kept not working, I couldn’t leave a voicemail. I came straight from the track.” He gestured down at his clothes, “Is everything okay?”

It was your turn to furrow your brow, annoyed that he was not catching on. “No. It’s not. Why would you tell me to watch the race and then do what you did? Rub it in my face.”

“Huh?” he asked, running his hand through his hair as he often did when he was nervous. It was a tick that you’d noticed. “What do you mean? What did I do?”

“Wow.” you said, “The camera panned to you… and your girlfriend.”

“Huh?” he said, still confused. “What girlfriend?”

“The tall blonde you were draping yourself all over. Rub it in my face why don’t you…” 

Toto cut you off, “My sister?”

Floored by this, your face dropped. “Your sister?”

“Yes my sister,” said Toto, his expression darkening as he realised what you were accusing him of.

An awkward silence crept in and you were not sure how to respond. In hindsight, you had been quick to jump to conclusions. Perhaps driven by guilt over the way you’d handled things with George, you jumped to think the worst of Toto.

“This is why you ignored my calls?” asked Toto, looking thunderous, “Because you thought my sister was my girlfriend?”

Feeling smaller by the minute you shrunk back towards the wall, “I suppose.” you mumbed, “Look, I’m sorry, I leapt to conclusions.”

“You could say that,” said Toto, folding his arms, “I was worried about you, I thought something bad had happened and all this time you were sitting there thinking the worst of me?" His voice was thick with disbelief. "You didn't think to ask me before shutting me out?". His dark eyes bore into yours and you could feel the weight of your accusation.

You swallowed hard, the realization of your mistake sinking in like a stone. "I’m sorry," you said, "It’s just that… I’ve been burned before and I guess I panicked."

Toto's expression softened, his anger giving way to concern as he stepped closer. "I understand that you're scared, but I’m not George, and I'm certainly not the kind of man who would play games with you. I’m insulted that you would think I would do something like that."

You winced at his words, the guilt gnawing at you. “I just… I didn’t know what to think. It all felt too good to be true."

Toto sighed, reaching out to cup your face in his hands, his touch gentle despite the tension in the air. "I’m not perfect, but I’m not going to lie to you. If I ever make you feel uncomfortable or unsure, I want you to tell me, be direct."

Feeling like a fool, you felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. "Direct, I can do that," you whispered, your voice cracking, leaning into his touch. “Why did you come back? You should be out celebrating!”

A small, relieved smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "So you did watch the race?" he murmured, his lips lingering against your skin. "Because I care about you, more than you know."

You looked up at him, your heart swelling, "Of course I did, I care more than you know too," you admitted.

Toto's smile grew and he leaned down to capture your lips in a slow, reassuring kiss. The tension between you melted away as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened and when you finally pulled away, breathless and flushed, Toto looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. "You know," he said, his voice low and husky, "there’s a way we could put this little, let’s say, misunderstanding behind us."

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh? And what might that be?"

He grinned, a wicked smile that sent a shiver of anticipation down your spine. "I have some ideas.”

You nodded eagerly, all thoughts of your earlier insecurities forgotten as he swept you off your feet and carried you to the bedroom.

– – – 

Later that morning, as you lay tangled in the sheets, your head resting on Toto’s bare chest, he broke the comfortable silence. "You know," he began, his voice a soothing rumble beneath you, "I have been thinking. How would you feel about coming skiing with me next week? I have a chalet and I always invite people at the beginning of the Winter break."

You looked up at him, enchanted by the thought of a snowy getaway. "That sounds amazing," you said, smiling. "But… when you say people, who do you mean?"

Toto hesitated for a moment, his expression thoughtful. "Well, normally friends from the team. James, John, some of the other engineers. George also mentioned that he might be free… I thought I’d ask if you would be okay with him joining us."

The mention of George sent a ripple of unease through you, but you quickly pushed it aside. If Toto was willing to include him, it was only fair for you to try to be okay with it too. "I suppose," you said cautiously. "I’ll drop him a text and see how he feels about it. If it’s easier just take him this time."

Toto nodded, "That’s fair."

"I’ll text him now and see what he says," you said, grabbing your phone from the nightstand and typing out a quick message, asking how he felt about the idea. To your surprise, his reply came almost instantly.

Yeah, that's fine. Toto asked me the other day. I'll be bringing someone too, so it should be fun.

You stared at the message, your heart sinking slightly. George bringing someone else was entirely reasonable, but it still stung more than you cared to admit. He’d been busy declaring his love for you just one week ago and now he was bringing someone for a weekend away?

"Is everything okay?" Toto asked, noticing the change in your expression.

You nodded, though the feeling lingered. "Yeah, he said it's fine. He's bringing someone too."

Toto's eyes softened as he sighed, "I know. He already asked me. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"Yes, just a little surprised after his outburst the other week," you said, still wondering what that had been about if he was already seeing someone new.

“I was too.” said Toto, his brow furrowed, “But I know him, he overthinks, it will be good for him.”

At that, you managed a small smile. "I think it will be good for all of us. It's time to start new chapters, right?"

Toto studied your face for a moment, then nodded, pulling you close again. "Agreed," he said, kissing the top of your head.

FRIDAY MORNING, ONE WEEK LATER

The week leading up to your ski trip had flown by and anxiety lingered at the back of your mind. Trying to take the high road once more, you kept reminding yourself of the progress you'd made. George’s last drunken visit had given you a strange sense of closure and Toto’s less than happy reaction towards your unwarranted accusations had reassured you that he was somewhat of a realist. A few days away should do you all the world of good.

As you found yourself in a sleek black car with Toto on the way to the airport, the scenery blurring by, your thoughts drifted to the upcoming weekend. The air between you and Toto was comfortable, though the unspoken tension of the past week still hovered.

Toto reached over, squeezing your hand as if sensing your unease. "We'll have a great time," he said, his voice filled with a quiet confidence that made you believe him.

You smiled, squeezing his hand back. "I know we will."

Taglist: @prettiest-at-the-party @noooway555 @annewithaneofthegreengable  @xoscar03 @totowolfffcheco @justzluv @kravitzwhore @bborra @a-beaverhausen@amandadesantasworld @formulaal

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - In Which None of You Should be Surprised by a MAJOR Upset in the Standings

Sorry this is so late. I had a pretty epic series of delays landing me at NRT for like 18 hours or something ridiculous. To be fair there are much worse airports to be stranded at.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 1 of 12 - Fuck all ya'all if you thought I had taste. MeenPing are topping this damn list because... have you any idea how LONG I have been waiting for a real sports centered BL starring at least one boy who actually played the flipping sport? My whole damn life. You ready for me to go into euphoric splooges all over your screens? I don't think you are. SUFFER! And now some splooging:

It’s off to a great start. Thank you, Rebound, for being exactly what I wanted. By which I mean Meen has his shirt off literally in the first two minutes of the show. Also it’s a bit of a childhood sweethearts reunion romance. There’s nothing wrong with this beginning. Fantastic. For a change, I even enjoy the intro music. Golf is directing MeenPing this time, so maybe something magical will happen. Frank is aging so pretty!!! How nice for all of us. Even the bb play is good. It’s a proper sports BL. I’m so damn happy right now. 

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 9 of 12 - I’m so tired of Ter, but everything else was lovely. Also they are SUCH boyfriends. 

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - They are so cute in these roles. I don’t know why, I just like their vibe better here than in the previous show. (And I really enjoyed Big Dragon at the start.) This show is a lot more classic romance and kind of pat because of that. I do hope the ingénue character gets some kind of additional development and talent. But even if it stays mundane, these two have the chemistry to carry it. So I suspect I’ll keep enjoying it regardless. I am mildly intrigued by the spice of the PNR element, so I hope they run with that a bit more. I suspect they will have to, to extend the plot for 12 eps.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - Ah Ming... famous last words. This one just makes me sigh a lot and whimper sadly. I don’t know where they’re going with this plot or how they’re gonna resolve it. Joe finally being the asshole Ming deserves is a lot of fun though (double entendre intended). I’m scared but it did make me cry... a lot. (That's fine, I'm a sap.)  

Imma say this because no one else has. Wardrobe is unilaterally terrible in this show. I mean Thailand is notoriously bad in general but this show, nash.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 13 of 16 - They are so fucking adorable. And so flirty! Also a crying kiss? My favorite! Chain’s little moment of "Cupid shoot thyself" was epic. ("Physician heal thyself" but for the BL world?) Honestly, I could watch a whole show about these two...

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - How does Gun still look like he’s just out of high school? Madness. Does the set for the print shop that he’s working in at the beginning remind anybody else of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has about 3 sets they rotate through.

To be brutally honest, I was not looking forward to the show at all. No idea why. OffGun aren’t my most favorite OG pair, but I respect them for their longevity, optics, acting shops, and enduring brand. Maybe I just needed more of a gap from Cooking Crush?

Whatever, I was absolutely riveted by this first episode. I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - This version did the "clear up of the inciting miscommunication" in such a sweet achey way. Frankly that "ache of first love" really plays to G4's strengths as a pair. This was a good ep and I’m now starting to enjoy this one for its own sake and get some distance from the JBL version. It's just there is A LOT of good stuff coming out of Thailand right now.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - I was inspired to write a Shakespearean style sonnet in this week's trash watch. Mame seems to believe that no character can have depth without suffering. And I found this episode both boring and rushed at the same time. Trash watch here. (This week's trash watch also VERY delayed.)

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - It’s eminently missable... so I missed it this week in order to get this weekly update out. Next week will be a two in one. 

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 12fin - Okay, that’s it, I guess?

Summary:

An idol romance about a sunshine boy who dances good and wants to be a star and a reserved food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks, grumpy/sunshine pair who fall in love but, of course, to be an idol baby boy can't date. It wasn’t particularly bad, it wasn’t particularly good either. 7/10

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 1 of 10 - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

I expected the soundscapes in this one to be fantastic, but I didn’t expect the filming to be something special too. But it really is. I’m not gonna lie, I'm nervous about this show because I love the manga and was disappointed by the film, but we were off to a really good start. First names already? So cute. I love them.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Shy awkward Taishin goes to a Tokyo university in order to reunite with Takara, a stranger who consoled him over the loss of a parrot the year prior. He finally gets a chance to express his gratitude but is given the cold shoulder. (My thoughts this weekend's round up)

I can't believe Japan is holding it down for the non Thai BL. I mean to say.... JAPAN!!! What alt reality are we living in? It being Japan, I'm scared of the ending.

It's airing but...

Blue Boys is still going on and I'm still enjoying it (despite the cheating) but I don't know when it drops or where it's going, so I will report in at the end. When they tell me it's ended.

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

NO IMG - we half way through this week already - sorry.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/5 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Thai iQIYI) - trailer here, The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. Delightful!

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Defining @heretherebedork 's favorite endearment of "tiny idiot."

I love him. I also love what a class act they both were about this turn down. Thailand shows Korea how to handle a love triangle by NOT HAVING ONE.

Both We Are.

We stand a lap sit on this blog, but I think this is my first lap spin! I adored it! (Sunset X Vibes)

It's fun to watch them follow the original narrative but with these cute little Thai twists. Sometimes these are shifted for language reasons, sometimes for cultural, and sometimes I think just to draw a clear distinction from the JBL. I'm not mad about any of it. (My Love Mix Up)

Not just for you, honey. Truer words were never spoken. Yak is the biggest green flag ever to walk BL's verdant earth.

Linguistic corner!

I love this way of putting the translation. Usually, in Thai, the phrase used means "he's my happiness" (sounds like: kwamsook). To use sabai is different. Sabai more ubiquitous (sabai is one of the most commonly used phrases in Thailand) but also so different from the usual phrase we hear in ThBL at this moment. Thus, this execution is special, particularly from a doctor. I'm not quite sure how to put it but sabai can also be translated as feeling well, as in, not ill. So there is a way of looking at Wandee saying Yak is both his peace of mind and good for his health and well being.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[poopyballz28]

Doysumi hc's and such for the mentally unwell

• While it may seem like the clingier one out of the two would be Katsumi, it's actually quite the opposite. Hector absolutely hates the idea of anything bad happening to Katsumi, this fear causing Hector to be practically glued to his side at all times. Something in his blood just tells him he needs to be...protected. Kept away from any danger or even just things that might upset him. But on certain occasions, Hector's overall clinginess can be somewhat selfish, like keeping Katsumi from meeting with people out of jealousy. What do you get when you give a murderer psychopath who knows no love at all a nice guy who understands him and makes his heart pound in mysterious ways? A very clingy and protective murderer psychopath.

• I don't wanna make this seem like Katsumi doesn't realize that Hector can't stay away from him and sometimes does things just to keep him by his side because Katsumi does know this. In fact, he's very aware of Hector's quite clingy feelings towards him. Despite what you may say about...Katsumi's way of thinking, he's actually quite attentive! He can realize when Hector is doing things to keep him from somewhere or someone, and tries to assure him that he really loves him, but he can take care of himself. The "love you" part usually gets him.

• Before meeting Katsumi, Hector had no concept of love or any sort of affection. The tight feeling in his chest and overall flustered feeling whenever he was around him completely and utterly confused him. Up until that point, he hadn't received any kind of affection or even kindness from anyone around him, so it suddenly overwhelming him was certainly jarring. He didn't recognize the feeling as love at all, at first. He considered whether or not Katsumi was using some sort of psychological karate technique on him (lol)

• While Hector isn't particularly one for baking or cooking, he does seem to enjoy (attempting) to make certain sugary foods for Katsumi and his very concerning sweet tooth. Oven almost exploded once but its fine. It should be fine. It's ironic though how Katsumi always makes a deal about not wanting to eat too many sugary things for health reasons but whenever he's faced with double chocolate chip cookies he...loses himself. I mean, have you seen how much sugar this guy puts in his tea? It's scary. But Hector really finds a kind of happiness in the sight of Katsumi enjoying the food he worked hard to make for him. He's often learning new recipes and consulting Retsu on cooking tips.

• Hector wasn't exactly...treated too nicely by his peers when he was younger, and it wasn't just because he was always alone. That red hue of his hair made him an easy target in particular. He was often called some pretty abhorrent names during his time in school. Katsumi, though, really likes Hectors hair and tends to compliment it quite often. He thinks the color is vivid and fitting for Hector. It's beautiful. He is beautiful. Katsumi really makes sure he knows this.

• Before Hector became as clingy as he is towards Katsumi, he originally was quite hesitant to get closer to him. He's never really gotten to know anyone, but at the same time he knows he's never really tried either. But even still, he closed himself off and attempted to distance himself from Katsumi. After all, he's just your typical cold-blooded killer. Why should he need to "open up" to someone? And not just anybody, someone who was so...different from him. "Why would this prodigy with an incredible future ahead of him want to be around...me of all people?" He couldn't help but laugh, taking a drag of his cigarette. He couldn't wrap his head around it at all. But that warm feeling when Katsumi was around. It was almost addicting. It was to die for.

• One of Katsumi's love languages is gift giving. Excessive gift giving. He sees a beautiful pair of expensive earrings while shopping? He buys them and gives them to Hector. A beautiful red dress that compliments Hector's style? He buys it and gives it to Hector. Blooming bouquet of roses? He buys them and gives them to Hector. I think you see the theme here. Hector does tend to worry about how much money he spends, but Katsumi always reassures him that it's really no big deal. (He has spent 100,000 yen on Hector in the last week.)

[musette22]

Hi Minnie, hope you’re doing well honey! I’m wondering if you have any thoughts or advice on something. I think you approach fandom in a somewhat different way to me, so you might not find yourself in the situation I’m in. But I’d appreciate whatever thoughts you have.

I’m currently in the middle of a huge shipping war (embarrassing but true) in another fandom, and it’s really stressful (similar to when it was Stucky shippers vs…well there have been a few rival ships). I have the vast majority of the ‘other side’ blocked and tags blacklisted etc, but stuff still leaks through, and some create burner blogs to harass and taunt us (staff does little to nothing about it).

Another problem is, their ship is currently “winning" in canon. Like, big-time. So it’s really frustrating to see that largely mean-spirited, nasty people are getting their way (I’m sure there are some nice ones but I don’t think they’re the majority), in addition to knowing that stuff I really don’t want to be happening is happening. It’s very hard to deal with the frustration. And there’s no telling how long this stuff might go on for.

I guess I’m just wondering what you’d do in this situation. I’m tempted to drop out of the fandom completely, but I’ve been a part of it for awhile and it would be hard to give up. I could take a break, but I’m pessimistic that anything will be better in 3 or 6 months or however long.

Thanks for any thoughts you have on this!

Hello my love! Thanks so much for your message 💗

I'm genuinely so, so sorry to hear about the situation you're finding yourself in, that sounds awful and incredibly draining. And that's just such a shame, because that's the opposite of what the fandom experience should be bringing us!

I haven't been in the exact same boat as you, but I think I've had experiences that were close enough to understand a bit about how you're feeling. It's just so tricky, because while taking a step back or leaving this fandom altogether would probably be the most straightforward solution, you obviously still love your ship and presumably also the good parts of the fandom your in, the bits that actually make you really happy. So by leaving the fandom, you wouldn't only be leaving behind the bad stuff, but the good stuff too. So yeah, I really hope you'll find a way around this which will allow you to somehow stay in your current fandom and also actually enjoy it.

It's such a shame that people can't just ship and let ship. I'll never understand why anyone would try to deliberately hurt or taunt other people who are just trying to enjoy their favourite pairings, and although I understand how easy it is to get caught up in it even if you don't want to be, shipping wars an sich are just about the dumbest thing ever to me. Completely pointless, imo. But yeah, once you find yourself in the middle of something like that, it can be really hard to extract yourself from it.

I think the fact that new content is still being made for your fandom, and that canon is not going the way you'd hoped, definitely complicates matters. When Endgame happened, and everything after that (including TFATWS), I also really struggled to continue enjoying being in the Stucky fandom for a while. And that was even without being harassed anybody (at least, not in any significant way). I remember feeling really upset for quite a while, mostly about how there were things happening to my beloved characters that I did not want to happen and felt like a violation of my happy place. Really the only thing that got me through were all the wonderful people who felt the same way I did, friends I could vent to, mutuals who continued fighting the good fight (and I don't mean actually fighting with anyone, just like, making beautiful fannish creations for Stucky), as well as the hope that the storm would down again at some point. And fortunately for me, it did. And without being constantly confronted with things that made me upset, and by creating some clear boundaries for myself, I was fortunately able to continue to enjoy being in this fandom.

I can't deny that the upcoming Thunderbolts movie is making me a little nervous, because I know that new Bucky content is bound to stir up a lot of that old agitation again. But the fact that I have consciously decided not to engage with any new Marvel content after EG, and that for me, Bucky's canon story ended in Wakanda with Steve, definitely makes it easier to deal with. To me, post-Wakanda canon is irrelevant. There is plenty of canon for me to draw on for the Stucky that I love, but mostly, *my* Stucky is a product of fanon anyway (that is, the version of Stucky created by fandom). So even when there is new Bucky content in the future, it just isn't part of my narrative for them, and for the most part, I can just ignore it and keep doing my own thing. So that's really what I would advise you to do too - try and delineate 'your' canon, your ship, as clearly as you can, and ignore everything that doesn't fit inside those boundaries to the best of your ability. It took some time and practice for me, but it did eventually become easier, and it really did make a difference.

So, I don't know if I have any actually helpful advice for you, lovely, because it sounds like you're already doing everything you can to make a bad situation work. But I would say, just keep blocking, keep blacklisting, never ever rise to the bait if anybody tries to antagonise you in any way (that one is REALLY important, I've found. People will eventually get bored of taunting you if they don't get a reaction).

Focus on the people you like and trust and who feel the same way you do, try not to dwell on negativity and try and focus instead on enjoying your ship in fanon, if canon isn't cooperating. Read and write all the fics, post headcanons, make edits and art for your ship, keep it alive - and do it for yourself and people like you, and not to spite anyone else. In the end, it's all fiction, and the fact that canon started it all doesn't mean you have to stick with it. This ship is yours now, and you can do with it what you like. And the most important thing you can do is enjoy it and let it bring you joy and comfort.

And it's possible that it won't be for a while, because I don't know how much new content will be made for this ship in the future, but eventually, the commotion is bound to die down. If you think you'll be able to keep going in your own, carefully curated bubble until then, then that's amazing. But if you think it's only going to keep making you miserable, then it's probably best to step away, at least for a while, however painful it may be. Mental health and personal happiness have to come first, always, otherwise what's the point of fandom?

I'm sorry I can't be of any more help, honey, I wish I could do more! But I genuinely hope you'll be able to make it work, and that your ship can continue making you happy for a long time to come. Sending lots of love and strength your way! ❤️

[xplrvibes]

here's my thing:

do i think they love each other? no

do i think they're infatuated with each other? yes

do i think she's as bland as a lettuce? yes

do i think he's as bland as a lettuce and as deep as a cup of water? also yes

do i think she's the exact type he'd end up with? yes

do i think he's like every other la influencer out there? yes

do i think she's like every other la nonfluencer out there with nothing but a face card to offer? also yes

do i think they're as cringe as two teenagers who are in their first relationship and discovered what sex is yesterday? another yes.

do i think they crave validation? yes.

does that make them the perfect pairing? yes

in the end does it even matter? as linkin park once wisely said, no.

should anybody care? no.

does it change lives? no.

does it make any difference? no.

pack it up and move on, y'all. seriously. if you're this upset over a random on the internet dating another random on the internet, then i have real bad news for you. plus, there are tons of other content creators out there who might suit your taste better. you might have long terrible paths to trail if you're gonna freak out and make a commotion every single time an internet couple interacts with each other. they're literally (and i mean that very very seriously), line by line, script followed to a t, like every other la influencer-nonfluencer couple on Instagram and/or tik tok. it's been half a year. as Elsa very accurately put it: let it go. I'll even hold y'all's hands through it if you need the support.

come on, summer children. it's time.

I would love to comment on all of this, but I got stuck on the bland as lettuce/deep as a cup of water thing 🤣.

I'm just envisioning a piece of romaine limply floating around in a Dixie cup and the whole system just froze, screen went white, and now I'm on a system reboot.

Also, idk what the face card thing is either (you guys got to remember that I was alive when dinosaurs walked the earth before the slang of today at me).

But yea, if anyone is at the point of upset over this to where they are stalking this poor girl and calling her things like "his cum catcher" in her comment section where she can see it (which yes, is a comment I saw today) - you've got to go find a new hobby. You HAVE to. One that isn't whatever the fuck this is. This is getting old. Enjoy this shit, don't enjoy it and block it out, or move on.

[ladysisyphus]

@bellesauvage asks: "I need advice what should I sort by if not kudos??"

Okay, so.

I've seen in the responses to this post (which I was only ever expecting to get, like, three notes on, so hi, everybody!) a lot of antipathy toward the idea of sorting by kudos. For my own part, I don't feel the same way. Sometimes you luck into the fandom that either a) is full of Good Taste Havers, or b) has been around long enough that the cream has definitively risen to the top, but not so long that everything's started to get weird. In that case, yeah, sorting by kudos will get you a pretty good selection.

What I find sorting by kudos to be more useful for, though, is gauging what the fandom is like. If everything on the top kudos page is E-rated, you know you've hit a horny fandom. (Congratulations! Those are vanishingly rare.) If it's AUs all the way down, you've found a fandom that either has a real uneasy relationship with its source material or has existed for so long it left beind the normie shit years, if not entire decades, ago. And if it's filled with a character, pairing, and/or trope you can't stand ... honestly, you should probably bail now, if you're just going to get upset later by how little there is that caters to your tastes. (Either that, or make your own fun! Great things have come out of spiting a fandom at large!)

If you're looking for something actually worth reading, though, these are some sort methods you might try.

Hits. This will tell you what the people keep coming back to. It will absolutely privilege multi-chapter works published over a period of time, but at least you'll know people keep reading those multiple chapters. (Just be sure you select "Exclude crossovers" or you're just going to have to wade through those garbage monster things that have five thousand hundred-word bites of eighty different fandoms.)

Bookmarks. Anybody can click the kudos heart. It takes a least a couple clicks' worth of effort to bookmark something -- and anything you bookmark, whether publicly or privately, is saved for later, which kind of implies you want to make sure you can find it when you want it again. Sometimes it helps to know how many dedicated fans a thing has.

Comments. I mean, you can do this, since if bookmarking takes effort, commenting takes even more! Just be aware that an author who response to every comment they get will artificially double their count. If that's a problem for you, skip this one.

An actual rec list compiled by someone you trust. This is a thing I don't think we do enough in fandoms anymore: curate actual rec lists. It used to be the only way anyone found out about anything. I know I read things I wouldn't have otherwise because someone whose taste I trusted said I should check it out. This is an imperfect and incredibly niche system, but I feel we should get back into it.

I saw a Tumblr post the other day that was very "does fanfic have to be good? can't it just be fun vibes?" Which ... yes! If that's what does it for you, then vibe happily. I don't want to be the asshole who says you can only enjoy things if they're Fine Literature. I'll start to sound like one of those dickbags who throws a tantrum every time a Marvel movie makes a lot of money.

But something being fun does not erase when it is also bad. You have not atoned for the sins of your dogshit prose if your dogshit prose also happens to describe something I enjoy imagining. I'm not going to say that out loud, because that's a dick move. But I'm going to think it in my heart, and I'm going to quietly hit the back button.

I feel like my most "no, it's the children who are wrong" moments happen when I go to a new fandom on AO3 and sort by kudos and all the works at the top are absolutely terrible, and yet ... man, sometimes the children are wrong.

[beels-burger-babe]

Beelzebub's Very Bad No Good Day

***So this is the new format in which I'll be answering requests. In my experience, actual posts get spread further than asks do, so this will hopefully help with that. ANYWAY, I am crazy excited about this request as a major Beel simp and YES I will proudly do this request! Thank you @sinnoman for blessing me with it. -B*** Summary: Beel doesn't get anything to eat one day, and it doesn't go well for anybody.

From the moment Beelzebub woke up, he knew that today was going to be a terrible day. For starters, he had apparently raided the fridge in his sleep the night before, so there was not a crumb left in the house for anyone to make breakfast with. Most of the others had gone and grabbed something from Hell's Kitchen on their way to class, but poor Beel had slept through his alarm due to the food coma his nighttime snack had put him in and had to rush to RAD. The entire school was talking about the monster that they believed had awoken beneath the school. Teachers were on edge ready to evacuate the premises for the earthquake they believed to be happening. Beel avoided eye contact, blushing as his empty stomach continued to rumble and roar throughout the day. He ended up eating a few pencils just to get it to quiet down and even that didn't have much effect. The Avatar of Gluttony nearly cried tears of relief when the lunch bell rang. But it seemed that fate was not his friend that day. He was going to order a gargantuan-sized Little Devil mango slushy, a side of Hellfire curry rice, fried shadow bat, and 108 seed salad and the main course of at least twenty shadow hog burgers with three servings of caramel shadow tart for dessert. Beel was drooling at just the thought of it. He was almost at the ordering station when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Beel growled and turned around, baring his teeth at whoever dared to disturb him.

Belphegor narrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Woah. Beel, relax. It's just me. We've got a student council meeting, and Lucifer has threatened to take away supper from whoever skips out." Beelzebub scoffed as the air around him darkened at the mention of someone taking food away from him. "I'd like to see him try." Belphie raised an eyebrow at his twin's uncharacteristically grumpy behaviour. "Are you alright, Beel?" As though to answer his question, Beel's stomach let out another loud roar, causing several students to flinch and Beel to scowl in frustration. "I'm hungry." Belphie's frown deepened. Beel was always hungry, but he didn't usually let it get to him like this. The younger twin rifled through his own bag before pulling out an obviously full paper bag. "You can have my lunch if you want. I ate a little bit of it during class and swiped a bagel from Mammon during the first period, so I'm not all that-" Before he could finish Beel ripped the bag out of Belphie's hands and devoured it, bag and all. Belphie blinked at his now empty hand and chuckled as Beel chewed. "Man, you must be starving huh?"

Beelzebub merely grunted and continued to chew before swallowing down the small meal. He glanced back at the lineup in the cafeteria and put a hand on his stomach as he thought about the lunch he should be enjoying. Belphie nudged him. "Come on, big guy. We got to get to that meeting. The sooner we get it over with, the more likely it is that we'll end early and you might be able to grab something before class starts again." Only the meeting was not short and quick like Belphie had said it might be. Diavolo wanted everyone to come up with an idea for a school fundraiser, and Lucifer was arguing with Asmodeus on what was and was not appropriate. To make matters worse, you were unable to attend as, according to Mammon, your charms professor had asked you to stay behind afterwards to discuss your progress in the class. The bickering on top of the lack of food in his stomach was giving Beel a migraine and the longer he sat there, the more irritable he had become. Eventually, it became too much and he snapped. "ENOUGH!" he bellowed, flipping the table as he stood. "No one cares about the stupid fundraiser anyway and you're just wasting all of our time arguing over something that will inevitably fall apart and cause an even bigger mess, just like it always does!" "Beelzebub! Watch your tone in front of-" "Shut it, Lucifer!" his brother's gaped at him in shock as he snarled at their elder. "I am sick and tired of you pushing us all around and punishing us when the slightest thing goes wrong just because you-" Beel poked Lucifer's chest hard enough to make him take a step back, "won't take responsibility for your own mistakes!" "Oh shit," Mammon whispered under his breath, as Lucifer's eyes narrowed and his body tensed in defence. The second-born quickly squeezed his way between the two of them and spread his arms to try and create some distance. "Okay! Tensions are high. People are upset. But this is not the place to brawl it out." he glanced over at Lucifer who looked like he was a second away from stringing him up to the ceiling. "Might I remind ya Lord Diavolo is still in the room?" Lucifer looked over at Diavolo, who appeared to be both hurt and concerned by Beelzebub's words, before sighing and fixing his composure. He gave Beel a hard look. "Obviously something is upsetting you, but we can discuss this at home. For the time being, I recommend you work on calming yourself and clearing your head." Beel just growled at him before stomping out of the student council room. He had been about to re-enter the cafeteria again when the bell rang signalling the end of lunch hour. Beelzebub felt his eye twitch before his demon form burst into existence. He let out a deafening scream as he grabbed a table and threw it across the room (students still seated on it, included). Students were yelling and scrambling like mice as the large demon rampaged through the halls. He tore the locked grate off of the serving station and grabbed the nearest server by the scruff of the collar, causing them to squeak in fear. "I'm hungry," Beel rumbled lowly as the demon trembled in his hands. "Get me something to eat now or I will not hesitate to eat you." "R-R-Right away, Beelzeb-b-bub." Beel carelessly dropped the demon, who scattered off to gather as much food as they could. He began pacing like a caged animal. Having been alerted by all the noise, his brothers and Diavolo rushed into the nearly destroyed cafeteria. Diavolo's jaw dropped. "Beelzebub, what's the meaning of all this?" Beel's famished brain didn't acknowledge Diavolo as an authority at the moment. Instead, he was yet another person trying to keep him from eating. "I need food. NOW!" Lucifer's eyes widened in realization as he whispered something to Diavolo. The prince nodded and took a step back. "I'm sure the cooks are doing all they can to get you food right away. But I need you to control yourself before I am forced to take action." Satan had his phone out and was urgently texting someone, as Belphie moved forward.

"You'll get your food shortly Beel. You just need to wai-" "I don't want to wait!!" There was a part of Beelzebub's brain that was aware he was acting like a child. But his stomach physically hurt from how empty it was. He was tired. He was starving. He didn't have the patience for pleasantries. "I've barely eaten anything all day, and people keep staring and talking about me because my stomach just will not stop growling and I'm so hungry that I can barely think straight! I hate it! But I know it won't go away unless I eat, so I NEED TO EAT!" The brothers looked at Beel in shock. They knew that he ate a lot, but they always passed it off as just another quirk that made him Beel. They didn't know it bothered him like this. They thought back on all the instances where Beel had stated that he was hungry out of nowhere, always with a distressed look on his face. Every single time they had brushed him off. Before any of them could respond, you casually walked into the war zone that was the cafeteria. "Alright Satan, what's so urgent that you needed me so badly?" The room fell quiet as everyone's attention snapped over to you and you took in the situation. It didn't take long for you to connect the dots.

You immediately began to rush over to Beelzebub; Mammon stepped forward to stop you. "Woah, MC! I don't think that's a good idea right now!"

You ignored him and continued to make your way to Beel. Seeing you, the small human that you were, made Beel realize just how reckless he had been acting. He held out his hands to stop you and took a step away. "You should listen to Mammon, MC. I-I haven't eaten all day and I-" "You haven't eaten all day?! Oh god, this is worst than I thought." Beel watched as you slid the oversized backpack that he had seen you carry around RAD with you every day off your back and begin to dump out the contents. In a second, dozens of bags of chips, candy, fruits, and other snacks spilled across the floor in front of the two of you. Beel didn't waste a single moment. He instantly began consuming the snacks, causing you to smile happily. "Wha-What?! MC?! Why the hell do you have that much food on ya?!" Mammon sputtered as he cautiously began to approach you. You shrugged. "Beel gets upset when he's hungry, and I don't like it when he's upset. So I stocked up on some of his favourite snacks a while back and always keep them on me just in case," Beel paused his eating to look up at you in awe, "He can't help that he's always hungry. It's not like he asked to be the Avatar of Gluttony." Suddenly there were a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Lucifer, Levi, and Mammon called out your name as Beel pulled you tightly against his chest. You just grinned and hugged the friendly giant back. "Thank you," he whispered softly into your hair, his arms tightening around you just a little more. "There's nothing to thank me for." As Beel finally began to calm down, the cooks came out with platters of food and shakily laid them out around you and Beel before taking cover back into the kitchen. Seeing that the threat had passed, the other brothers began to approach as well. "You know Beel, I didn't know you had that much pent-up anger inside of you. It was terrifying!" Asmodeus chirped as he plopped down beside the two of you.

"Yeah! You were just like the antagonist in My Boyfriend Turned Into a Cannabilistic Rage Monster, And Now I Have to Stop Him From Devouring The Whole City!!!" Levi began to ramble about specific scenes from the show that matched perfectly with Beel's rampage, causing Beel to blush as he munched on a burger. Belphie sighed and elbowed Beel as he took his seat at his side. "We'll have to make sure that MC's always around you. Just in case you know?" he smiled softly, before looking at his twin with a more serious expression. "You should've told me about all that stuff you said earlier. I had no idea you felt that away about your appetite." Beel looked away uncomfortably as he took another bite of his food and avoided the question. You snuggled closer to him, to provide him with some comfort. Satan tapped his chin as he watched the group. "I'm sure we could talk with Barbatos and come up with some sort of high-protein shake or bar that would better satisfy you. That way you wouldn't have to eat as much." Lucifer glanced over at Diavolo, silently asking if it was a possibility. The prince smiled warmly. "I'll have Barabatos begin working on something right away." Forgetting all about class and the anger that had previously consumed him, Beel looked around at his family. A warm feeling blossomed in his stomach as he felt content with the rare care and affection that they were openly showing. Maybe it had something to do with the thirty burgers he had already ate, but for just a second, Beel didn't feel so hungry anymore. ***Boy that got a little angsty there for a second, but I hope this was to your liking @sinnoman! I definitely enjoyed writing this one, and I think it made me fall in love with my boy Beel even more 🥰*** TAGLIST: @vampwiire @bunna-does-stuff

[doiedreams]

State of Lucidity // l.ty

◈⇢ Synopsis: apparition!Taeyong’s appearances at night is what you think keeps you sane, but what was once a healing escape is becoming an addictive attachment Taeyong doesn’t want you to fall victim to.

◈⇢ Pairing: apparition!Taeyong x reader

◈⇢ Genre: fluff ద, angst ᱬ

◈⇢ Listen to: What Dreams Are Made of (by Evan McIntosh) HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

◈⇢ Warnings/Content: lucid dreaming, small mention of addiction, hints toward dream reality confusion

◈⇢ WC: 1.6k words

A view of your drab ceiling shifts into the focus of a hazy atmosphere as your eyelids flutter open. The sound of a vague, lulling white noise begins to fill your ears, as it feels like you’ve been transported to another realm. In a way, you have.

You feel a presence becoming more palpable next to you, and the mattress you lay on lightly begins to sink at your side.

Turning your head towards it, you sigh as your eyes meet the dark, and yet so bright, eyes of Taeyong. With the way his eyes gleam, you’d be able to find his gaze if the room was pitch-black. The corners of his perfectly shaped lips turn upwards and he lets out a soft giggle. You join him, feeling a euphoric feeling course through your body upon seeing him once again in all his angelic glory.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” you whisper.

“I tell you every time. It won't be the last time we meet.” His fingers brush against your hand beside you, and you allow them to intertwine at your side. “I have something for you.”

“And what might that be?” you ask.

Laying in bed on your backs, Taeyong taps his finger against your hand, bringing your attention to the space between your bodies. You feel a cool, smooth surface touch your fingers and you sit up, looking over to find a plate next to your legs. On the plate sits a pile of bright red, crownless strawberries, and a cloudy white substance next to them.

You turn towards Taeyong, who's still laying on his back in your bed looking at you with twinkling eyes, and ask, “Is this-?”

“Strawberries and whipped cream,” he finishes. “Your favorite.”

He reaches for the plate and balances it on his belly as he lays on his back.

“Come eat.”

You shoot him a quizzical glance before laying your head back on the pillow. You pluck a strawberry from the plate, scoop up some of the cool cream with the bottom, and plop it into your mouth. A burst of juice surges in your mouth as you chew, and you can’t help but feel like you’re sitting in a strawberry field, facing the sun with Taeyong’s smile shining just as bright next to you. This feeling of freedom, like you can be anywhere and everywhere on earth without moving an inch, is what makes you love being with Taeyong; you couldn’t feel this way with anybody else. You proceed to crush the juicy goodness between your teeth, savoring both the vibrant tang of the red fruit and the sugary coolness of the whipped cream.

The hint of mouthwash that once resided on your tastebuds when getting into bed is no longer there. It’s as if you've been bound to your lucid dream with Taeyong forever, not once partaking in the materialistic everyday routine involving brushing your teeth, making food, and going to work. Instead, it seems like the only lifestyle you've ever known is the one in which you bask in his presence in your soft bed, having conversation after conversation about pleasant memories that you somehow don't remember by the time you awaken.

“Mm, I love midnight snacks,” you hum, as you continue to take strawberries from the plate.

“I know. That's why I brought these.”

“Don’t you want some?”

“Nope. I'm only here for you,” he says as his eyes twinkle even in the room’s dimness. Catching sight of his smile once again brings butterflies to your stomach. His smile. Such a healing sight makes it so hard to part ways with it. And those lips. To feel them on yours just once would fulfill you with everlasting bliss.

-

“Your smile is so pretty,” Taeyong said in a hushed tone, his face hovering over yours, fingers lightly stroking your cheeks as you lay against your polyester sheets.

Your hands rested upon his shoulders and felt their way up his neck until they reached the sides of his face. “Yours is perfect.”

You yearned to close the space between your faces, but before you could, Taeyong said, “I’m sorry. I should go,” and shifted over to his previous spot on the bed, letting go of you.

“Taeyong-”

“I don't want you to get hurt,” he cut you off. Your perplexed stare sparked guilt in his chest as soon as he spoke. He could practically hear the questions darting in your head at the moment, and in response, all he said was, “Please, trust me.”

You decided to say nothing more upon seeing his soft smile that constantly told you that everything is okay.

-

Since that moment, you’ve wondered, what does he mean? How could I possibly get hurt? He wouldn’t hurt me. Yet, you never dared to ask him. The reassuring smile that never seemed to leave his face was the only answer you ever needed.

“All done?” Taeyong asks, pointing at the last strawberry before offering it to you.

You take it from his hand and eat it, nodding to let him know you’ve been satisfied. He sets the plate aside, and with a deep sigh, shuts his eyes and reaches for your hand once again. You allow him to hold your hand, but keep your eyes open just to be sure he's still with you.

The blurred haze hovering over you slowly begins to slip away as you start to feel reality force itself into your space.

“I think it’s best for me to go now,” Taeyong whispers softly, his breath leaving a phantom kiss on your skin.

You shake your head, rumpling the fabric of the pillowcase beneath your head, as you begin to object. “Just a li-”

“I can't stay any longer. I'm sorry.” The glint in Taeyong’s eyes slowly begins to dim down along with the atmosphere of the room, but his soothing smile doesn’t diminish one bit.

Recently, it seems as though you spend less and less time together. You can’t be upset with him, as you know he tries to make the departure as bearable as possible for you. Plus, he keeps his word: he’ll be back. He always comes back. He’s never given a reason as to why he needs to leave so early, but you're sure it must be the same reason he told you he didn't want to hurt you that night. He couldn't possibly hurt you. He's healing. He's therapy.

Yet, he's an obsession. A medicine that you manifested for your survival. He’s the embodiment of your pain turned to healing, and his addictive nature is getting the best of you. You're losing your grip on reality and Taeyong knows it. The stronger your attachment to him becomes, the easier it is to slip away from your real life. Every single morning, you leave more and more of yourself with him when you get out of bed. Every night, the desire to be with him gets stronger. He doesn't want to be responsible for the damage you'll do to your real-life relationships. Nor does he want to be at fault for the crushing guilt you feel when you have to leave your room and face reality every day. If he’s not careful, you’ll become more and more dependent on his presence to heal the legitimate wounds this obsession brings.

He loves you. He wants you too. Just not at the expense of your lucidity. He wants you to be able to live without him. It’s for your own good.

You don’t know of the damage this attachment could bring. Maybe it’s best you do, but the only desire you have is to spend eternity laying next to him in a bundle of linen. If your mattress could swallow you whole and transport you to a place where it's just the two of you, you’d let it.

Your head begins to swim and the white noise that once occupied the space around you starts to fade out. A tugging force on your hand rouses you from your thoughts, and you turn your head to meet Taeyong’s eyes.

“I promise, you’ll see me again.” He gives you a reassuring nod, accompanied by his pretty smile. A sigh leaves your lips, but in response to his consolidating words, you nod back and squeeze on his hand.

“Thank you for the strawberries and cream. It’s always nice having you here.”

His smile becomes one with a glint of sadness. I was never even here. “You’ll always have me.” His gaze darts away from your eyes and a pit begins to form in his stomach knowing he’s feeding your attachment to him. When will the line between dream and reality become completely blurred? It won’t be much longer, but he can’t just leave you forever. You need him. “Enjoy the rest of your sleep.”

With that, you can no longer feel a hand in yours and the only sound you hear is the slight hum of your AC. You run your hand along the cold bedsheets of the empty space next to you and feel an immediate longing for warmth. The bright red light illuminating from your alarm clock indicates you should be asleep for at least another hour before it goes off with its annoying wake-up call. You pull the covers over your body, and with a tart taste at the back of your mouth, you shut your eyes and rest, waiting to be awakened into your clouded reality.

a/n: I highly recommend listening to the song listed in the description. The vibes are just right and the fic correlates with some of the lyrics. It was supposed to be fully fluff but then I’m like damn,,, it’s a shame Taeyong aint even really there lmao and it just developed from there. as most of you know, I’m mainly a fluff writer. Anything that it isn’t purely soft fluffy content is new territory for me haha. With that being said, I hope you enjoyed it ♡

proofread by: @give-seconds @meraki-mark @byunbaekby @orange-nimon-cross @pastelsicheng @heartyyjeno @drydrops891 thank u! ♡

[prismatales]

Bitter Memories

First of all I'd like to thank @bnhabookclub for allowing me to join their server, thanks to them I got the chance to meet so much wonderful people that helped me out with this request. I'd like to thank @honeytama and @samanthaa-leanne for beta-reading this for me as well! You guys were some great help!

Now time for some sibling bonding between The birdbrain and his baby chick!

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS, INJURIES, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ANGST, FLUFF.

Your lungs felt like they were burning with each step you took, blood pressure reaching a terrifying level from the adrenaline running through your veins in a desperate attempt to reach a certain room.

The only command your brain seemed to understand was to look for HIM.

If there was something you absolutely despised was hospitals, the smell of medicine that overwhelmed your nostrils was despicable, hearing the wails of people as they lost a loved one always sent shivers through anyone's spine.

You rushed to the main desk, slamming both hands in front of the receptionist before asking for Takami Keigo's room, at first she only gave you a look, believing you were nothing more than a fangirl who happened to find out the winged hero had arrived to the hospital due to his injuries from the last mission. 

Imagine her surprise when you showed her an ID with the same last name as the current number two hero, that seemed to do the trick as she swiftly began tapping away on her computer with nothing but embarrassment on her face at the idea she almost told one of the hero's relatives to scram.

She didn't bother to say anything as she saw you running away to see him as soon as you were told in which room he was recovering.

The sound of your own heartbeat felt so loud and heavy against your ears it could almost be heard by anyone who happened to get close, the few nurses, doctors and patients that happened to pass by only say a blur passing them like a gust of wind. 

Nothing mattered to you in that moment but a single goal, to find your older brother. 

Hawks may be a pain in the ass most of the time who's always teasing you or trying to scare away any guy who happened to look in your direction for more than two minutes. 

He may have abandoned you with that pair of alcoholics you had the unfortunate luck of call "parents".

He may have left you behind all those years to become a hero.

But in the end he was still your older brother, the same dork that kept trying and trying to spend time with his little sister, even despite the may times his calls were ignored and sent over to voicemail. The same guy who got nothing but corn chips as birthday and christmas gifts and posted it on his twitter account with a smile at his sister's antics.

The same guy who had your back during that mission where you got severely injured, and that almost cost you the one thing that allowed Takami Y/N to follow the path of a hero...your wings.

Doors kept going and going one after another in a seemingly endless row as you ran around the halls.

424...425...426....

426! That was the number! The words "Takami Keigo" written neatly underneath.

You stood in place for a minute....gasping for air and feeling like someone had rubbed sandpaper inside your throat from how parched it felt, but that didn't matter in that moment, the only thing that really mattered was knowing your brother would be alright.

Knocking gently on the door before stepping inside didn't prepare you for the sight laid in front of your eyes.

There in a hospital bed sat your brother looking outside through the window, bandages littered almost his whole body as well as a good portion of his face from the way the left side of his face was also bandaged.

But what really knocked out all of your breath and caused bile to rapidly rise up your throat was the one thing that made people recognize Keigo as one of the best heroes all across Japan, the lack of those beautiful vermilion wings that grew on his back felt like a bucket of iced water had been thrown on your back.

"...Keigo?"

His head, which had been tilted up while admiring the world through the other side of the window, slowly turned back towards you, seeing the left side of his face, including his eye covered in bandages didn't help soothing the growing pit inside your stomach.

Keigo's eyes no longer held that characteristic mischievous energy of his, but they still had faint traces of that comforting warmth he always held for those he held close to him.

"...Y/N?"

Somehow hearing him call out your name instead of that annoying nickname you absolutely despised and he always used just for the sake of riling you up made a huge wave of pain crash into your very soul like a tsunami, never in life did you ever thought there would come a day where not hearing Keigo calling out for his "baby chick" would end up feeling this horribly painful.

Running up towards him caught Keigo off guard, more so when he felt the warmth of your body envelope his upper half and the way your whole body trembled like nothing but a mere leaf in the middle of a storm, somehow it made something inside him break, hands wrapping around your own shoulders to return the embrace before burying his face down.

In that moment Keigo realized just how touch starved he really is, all because of all those years of ruthless and rigorous training his younger self had to endure to become not a hero, but a weapon for a broken system.

"...Was it worth it Y/N?" He murmured sadly in the collar of your sweater, that voice was not Keigo's, but that of a broken man who's life had lost its whole meaning in a matter of hours, after all...that's exactly what happened to him when Dabi burned down his wings to nothing but ashes.

Keigo's words were confusing, but even though you tried to pull away to take a look at him the hold he had on you wouldn't budge.

"What do you mean Keigo?"

His whole body began trembling, for a second it almost seemed like he was the younger brother, the one seeking for the protection one could only get from someone as close as an older sibling.

"I know what you had to endure because of me" each word Keigo muttered made his voice slowly start breaking bit by bit.

"Having to grow up surrounded by trash bags and beer bottles scattered all over the floor, endure all of the yelling and the fighting..." You only held him tighter into your own body, knowing what exactly he was referring to in the first place.

"And after our old man was arrested and Ma left?...you had to deal with that asshole all by yourself 'cause nobody else believed you"

"What are you talking about birdbrain? are you high on morphine or something?" you had a suspicion of where this was going and tried to find a way to change the subject, but Keigo didn't budge one bit.

"Aika, that darned foster sister of yours, I know how much she enjoyed to bother you and make you cry...How she always said your whole family abandoned you"

Of course he knew about that...How the only child of that foster family disliked you, hating the idea of having to share her parents with someone that wasn't even related to them.

Every time Keigo would come to visit she'd try to get his attention, having similar ages made her develop a crush on your brother, and when his visits became less frequent she made it her goal to make your life miserable, spewing cold harsh lies about Keigo getting tired of coming to see you, in the beginning her words would only end up being ignored.

However bit by bit the cruel whispers slowly began digging deep inside your heart, despite knowing she only said those thing to hurt you. It was more painful having to wait for Keigo's visit while sitting outside, sometimes even for hours just to realize he didn't show up that day. 

Even though you tried hard not to, slowly her words began corrupting the image you had of Keigo, until eventually you started becoming bitter towards him. 

It went on for years, and every time you tried telling on her with your foster parents they only brushed it off thinking it was only an exaggeration, Aika was cunning after all and only did this when your parents were not around, or would whisper those cruel words lowly enough for only you to hear.

Aika didn't see it coming when after a fall out with one of her friends, said girl told everything to Hawks after being rescued by the hero during a villain attack, her friend knew you were related to said man because Aika always complained about her annoying foster sister to anybody nearby, much to their annoyance.

Neither she or her family expect the number two hero himself to come into their home shortly shortly after you moved into the dorms, much less with proof and witnesses of everything she had said and done to his sister over the years, saying her parents were upset was putting it low, they were livid to find out what their "sweet" daughter had been doing for years.

The shame when they realized all those claims were true was suffocating, neither of them could even see the hero eye to eye as he gave the young woman a cold harsh glare, all she could do was grit her teeth in rage and shame knowing she had been caught. 

"How did you find out?" Just hearing the name Aika was almost enough to make you want to cry, you'd never forgive that girl as long as you lived...

"I found out through some of her friends, you should have seen their faces when I arrived at their home and confronted her" He chuckled dryly, still bitter at the idea that girl kept bothering you endlessly even after you got accepted into UA.

"You don't have to worry about her anymore baby chick" His hold became softer, and so did the pressure inside your chest when that little nickname came out of his mouth, had he seen the pained smile on your face his brother instincts would have probably kicked in into high alert.

"Just tell me you didn't threaten them" Keigo pulls away to give you an offended look that quickly morphed into a teasing smile.

"What do you take me for? Some kind of monster?" His hands ruffles your hair "I just had a talk with them, besides her parents did more than enough if I do say so myself, you should have seen her face when they took away her car keys, some spoiled brat you had to deal with over the years" 

You huffed in agreement, remembering how she always kept whining to your foster parents to give her money so she could go shopping with her friends, and the glare she sent in your direction if they ever told her to take you along for the day.

"You know, having to deal with our parents and her made me stronger, I may have resented you for a long time Keigo...but I can't really say that I actually hated you in the first place"

His expression changed in an instant, eyebrows furrowed in frustration over the fact you kept trying to lighten the subject.

"Y/N, you were a child, you didn't need to be strong, you needed to be safe and I failed to do the one thing your brother should have done all those years ago, protect his little sister"

The room went silent for a minute, neither you or Keigo said anything else for a while, he knew he was right, you knew he was right, but it's not like you could turn back time to fix everything that went downhill all those years ago...

"I failed you Y/N, but lord help me if I'm not going to make it up to you for everything. Whenever you need help with something, no matter what it is, homework, internships, hiding a body" The last one was obviously a joke by the sound of his voice "just come looking for your big brother"

It was like a switch had been flipped inside your head, all those years of pent up frustration directed towards Keigo disappeared in an instant, even if you tried to force yourself to feel mad it was impossible.

Not like you had anything to be mad about anymore...

"Then...I want to do the same for you birdbrain" Your eyes traveled to the bandages adorning his back, and he knew in that instant where the conversation was heading. Hesitating filled your thought for a minute before mustering enough courage to ask him about it.

"What did the doctors say...about your wings?" 

He didn't answer for some time, and it worried you that somehow the question may have made him upset, but then he finally replied with a tired look on his face.

"They...don't think my wings may grow back again" He sounded lost, and in a way he was, it was because of his quirk that the hero commission took interest in him to begin with, the same reason they took him in to train as one of their best heroes to exist, the very same reason he had left you behind in the first place.

Hawks was their best agent... but now he was Hawks no more, he was just Takami Keigo, nothing more than just another civilian to them, someone that had to be protected from villains. 

The only purpose they had for him was completely gone.

"Is there anything they can try? Maybe Recovery girl can do something about it?" You couldn't let this go so casually, there had to be way to help him out.

"I'm sorry baby chick...but I guess...this is the end for Hawks" His retort was heartbreaking, everything he had worked so hard for was gone in a matter of hours, and there was nothing you could do about it...

There may not be a way to help him out, but there was definitely no way you'd let his legacy die in vain.

"If there's nothing else to help bring them back..." Slowly you started speaking, voice full of determination made Keigo look back at you in surprise once you continued with your speech.

"...Then let me be your wings..."

There might be no way to bring his wings back, but that didn't mean Hawks was gone for good.

You made him a promise you intended to keep no matter what.

No longer after that day filled with pain and tears...years later when a new generation of heroes rose up to protect the world...A new Hawks fleed high through the skies with nothing but a single purpose, her one and only goal was hard, but nothing could bring her down.

To defeat those who brought pain upon this world and protect those people in dire need of help.

If there was something Takami Y/N knew better than anybody was to be strong, and she would use that very same strength she maintained over the years to keep her family's legacy alive.

MASTERLIST

@t-amajiki @undead0relived @shoobirino @bnha-ra @godtieruwu @mysticalite @bnhabookclub

[belovedyuuri]

it’s not the end of us, my dear (ao3) - written for Day 3: Missing Moments of Autotelēs, the theme week organised by @wewritevictuuri

“After the final, let's end this.”

It's been hours since he said those words. Hours since he thanked Viktor for everything he'd done for him, for coaching him and believing in his abilities. Hours since Viktor excused himself and left, giving a moment of solitude as an excuse. And Yuuri—well… Yuuri has always understood how important peace is, especially in moments like this. So he let Viktor go, hasn’t really moved from his spot on the bed since Viktor put his clothes on and left the room.

“I don't regret my decision,” he reminds himself, lying on his side and looking with unseeing eyes at the black screen of his phone.

Viktor cried.

“I don't—”

He made Viktor cry.

Yuuri shuts his eyes and rolls onto his stomach, pushes his face against his pillow.

Why would Viktor react this way to Yuuri’s plan to retire? Doesn't he understand, as a competitor himself, that retiring in such a good place is better for everybody involved? Yuuri's come so far, he's redeemed himself already, no matter how his free skate goes the day after tomorrow. He doesn't want to mess with his luck.

Why then? Why does his heart feel so heavy in his chest, pulling him into the bed, towards the ground, like gravity? Why is his head full of images of Viktor’s eyes tearing up, his perfect face marred with an angry frown?

They didn't scream—they didn't even argue, not really. Viktor took a breath and looked away, and didn't look at Yuuri again, even when he informed him he was going out to get some fresh air, the finished sentence cold where he’d usually offer for Yuuri to accompany him.

“Let's end this.”

By this, he didn't mean everything.

But it’s been so long now that Viktor left. It was already dark when he left, now with every minute Yuuri’s body curls in on itself.

He was tired earlier but now he can’t even think of going to sleep; not like this, not alone.

I should call him, he thinks. He wants to call him. But is he even allowed to do that when he’s the reason Viktor left in the first place? Worry squeezes at his heart, merciless, nearly cutting the air from his lungs.

It’s nearly 1 AM now, it’s been hours, they’re in a foreign country—what if something happened?

Now that this thought has entered Yuuri’s head, he can’t think of anything else. Is Barcelona known for mugging? Are the streets safe? Isn’t Spain known for mafia? No, it’s Italy, these are two different countries.

Would anybody know to contact Yuuri if Viktor was hurt?

It’s that thought that makes Yuuri grab his phone and unlock it with his password on the first—no, second—on the third try because he can’t get the code right fast enough.

Viktor? He types and hovers his thumb over the ‘send’ button. Usually, Viktor doesn’t mind if Yuuri sends multiple messages one after the other—but he was upset when he left.

Yuuri drops the hand clutching his phone on his bed and stares at the ceiling. Maybe Viktor doesn’t even want to hear from him?

No, he thinks, forehead furrowed and chest heavy with worry. No, he won’t let himself be talked out of this.

He looks at his phone again, the cursor blinking after Viktor’s name, and types more:

Are you alright? Please let me know you’re safe. I’m sorry

Sent. And then, after a second of fretful hesitation:

I love you

Just when the message is shown as received, there’s a quick beep! of the door being unlocked with a pass card, but the handle doesn’t turn.

Yuuri sits up and looks at his phone. On the screen, the messages are shown as read.

For the next minute, nothing happens. Yuuri stares at the screen and then at the door, waiting for... anything. Shoulders tense, spine straight, he sits there and mentally urges the handle to move or the ellipsis to appear on the screen, signifying a soon-to-come message.

Beep! and the door opens, slowly.

Viktor’s hair looks damp, though it’s impossible it’s still wet from his shower earlier. It must have started raining or snowing while he was away—and of course Viktor forgot to take an umbrella with him. It’s a miracle he remembered his card.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asks before he can wonder if he’s even allowed—because Viktor has gone out, without a hat over his shower-warmed, wet head, during winter, and god, if he catches a cold...

Viktor nods, says a soft, “Yeah,” as though he cannot muster enough energy to pronounce the ‘s’ in the word. And maybe he can’t, if the way his shoulders are slumped says anything. He closes the door and unwraps the scarf from around his neck, hangs it on the coat rack and covers it with his coat. Yuuri’s fingers itch to hang the coat on another hanger; the scarf is probably as damp as Viktor’s hair.

Viktor looks at his phone again and then, for the first time since he came back, he lets his eyes meet Yuuri’s—and finally, finally, a small part in Yuuri feels calmer.

“Does it mean...?” Viktor doesn’t finish the question, but he doesn’t need to do that. Yuuri knows what he means very well.

He braces himself and, as gently as he can, he shakes his head. “No,” he whispers, eyes lowering on their own. “I didn’t change my decision.” Viktor’s sigh heaves on his soul when he hears it. “But I mean everything I wrote. I am sorry.”

Viktor’s frowning at his phone when Yuuri dares to glance at him again. He types something fast, rereads it, then—

I love you too, reads a new message from Viktor. Yuuri’s entire body sags in relief.

They’ve been together for months now but the fear that feelings are fleeting and can disappear at the slightest inconvenience remains, clinging to Yuuri’s every thought whenever he and Viktor don’t work perfectly, whenever they disagree on something big—or small—or when one of them goes one step too far with a teasing joke.

It’s a constant worry of Is this going to be the end of us?, irrational and illogical, born despite Yuuri knowing better.

“You were upset,” Yuuri says softly, looking up from his phone. Viktor’s made his way to the other side of his bed.

“I’m still upset,” Viktor corrects, and for a second the words reopen the door for the fear to seep back in. “We can talk about it.”

Yuuri squares his shoulders. “It’s my de—“

“I know.”

They both are quiet for a moment. Viktor takes his sweater and trousers off and Yuuri doesn’t look away from him, can’t afford to. When Viktor gets on the bed and sits there with his legs crossed, his whole body is facing Yuuri.

“It’s my decision, too,” he says, and before Yuuri can react in any way, he adds, “Whether I return to the ice or not.”

A different kind of anxiety pokes at Yuuri’s lungs. “But you—“

But you are Viktor Nikiforov.

But you are a world champion.

But when you skate, you take my breath away.

But the world would mourn you.

“But I,” Viktor cuts in again, a frustrating habit most of the time, “haven’t enjoyed skating in a long time, and it only changed when I started coaching you.”

That Viktor wasn’t inspired, he knows. But this...? Yuuri has never heard about it before.

Viktor offers Yuuri his hands, palms up, elbows on his knees. Yuuri shifts on his bed so he’s mirroring Viktor’s position and only then does he put his own hands in Viktor’s, the ring on Viktor’s finger reflecting the warm glow of the bedside lamp. He can’t help but squeeze their hold.

“I want you to keep skating,” Yuuri whispers to Viktor’s right hand, chest tight with the idea of losing that one constant in his life.

“And I want you to keep skating,” Viktor murmurs and Yuuri can’t help but give a humourless little laugh.

“Maybe we’re both selfish.”

Viktor squeezes his hand. “Yuuri,” he says, waiting for Yuuri to look up at him. “I was angry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

Yuuri himself knows a thing or two about saying things without meaning to under the influence of his emotions. Who’s he to judge others for acting exactly the same way he does?

“I know you didn’t,” he says eventually.

The tension seems to be slowly seeping out of the room, through the cracks under the door, the windows, the power sockets. It’s a slow process but more and more air reaches into Yuuri’s lungs with every breath now, the fog in his mind dissipating as they sit in silence for minutes or hours—he can’t tell; time passes so fast when they’re holding onto each other, hand in hand and knees resting against each other.

Yuuri frees one of his hands from the hold and curls it around Viktor’s right one. With a gentle pull, he cradles it in both of his hands and rests it in the space of his lap.

“Will you think about it?” he asks after a while, his heart calm for the first time in several hours as he plays with Viktor’s fingers. His thumb rubs circles against the golden band on Viktor’s ring finger, eyes fixed on it. It looks beautiful, like it’s always belonged there.

He chose well.

“Will you?”

Yuuri smiles at that and looks up, just in time to see Viktor’s eyes warm up as they fleet to meet his.

“Viktor.”

Viktor’s smiling now, too. “What?” he asks, pretending defensiveness and innocence at the same time. On anybody else’s face, it wouldn’t work.

Yuuri shakes his head with a soft snort and lifts Viktor’s hand, pressing a brief kiss to his knuckles. “We’re quite a pair, I guess.”

Viktor breathes in deeply through his nose, a sharp little sound similar to a gasp, like every time Yuuri does anything even remotely—romantic, gentle to him. In the next moment, Viktor’s cradling Yuuri’s face in his hands, their foreheads pressed together, thumbs caressing Yuuri’s cheekbones.

“Tell you what,” Viktor says, his voice close to a murmur now, beautiful and rich and smooth like hot chocolate, and Yuuri wants to listen to his words for the rest of his life. “I will think about it. We will both think about it. And we’ll talk about it again—“ He kisses Yuuri’s right cheek. “—from the beginning—“ His lips brush against Yuuri’s left cheek now. “—properly and respectfully—“ One final kiss on the tip of Yuuri’s nose. “—both ready and on the same page, after the Final.” He leans away, just several inches, but several inches too many. “How does that sound?”

Yuuri thinks back to how lonely and cold he felt just an hour ago, lying on the bed, the world of dark thoughts pressing him into the mattress—and shakes it off, away, out of his head.

They’re stronger together; they’re better as a team. Even if in two days they decide against what they hope for each other, they’ll be alright.

He has his answer.

With a swift move, Yuuri closes the distance between them and presses his lips against Viktor’s, arms resting on the broad shoulders, bracing him. The kiss is short, maybe too short, but that’s okay, there’s more to come—right now Yuuri wraps his arms around Viktor’s neck and leans close, closer, face pressed against the place where Viktor’s pulse point sings the sweetest melodies into his ear.

“Sounds perfect.”

That night, nobody falls asleep alone.

[jelliesthefish]

Rant continued. (LONG)

TW for mentions of narcissism/manipulation/abuse

Mental disorders/narcissitic disorder/ sociopathy

Jeffry Dahmer is also mentioned if the discussion of him makes anyone uncomfortable, however small the mention is.

My rants will not be up for discussion. You can say what you want, but I will not accept any arguments from internet strangers. Please understand.

This is slightly more personal than my usual posts, so just be aware of this before continuing

I was once very close to a sociopath, a manipulative, narcissistic sociopath. That being said, they have really fucked up my life, and of people I care about.

That being said, I am very aware of the behaviors of people like this. Communities that I have mentioned exemplify this behavior an overwhelming amount. That, aside from all the disgusting things I mentioned about them, is a huge part of why I intensely hate them.

They don't listen to facts, much like the narcissistic parent.

Someone that I wouldn't be here without them almost died because of the narcissistic person's lack of belief of facts. More specifically, asthma. They were having a asthma attack and the narcissist didn't fucking believe them. If you don't listen to the science, the actual science, you could really hurt someone. Providing a safe space for sick fucks who deny any accountability is HARMFUL.

This narcissist could never be wrong, in all the arguments I've seen them to get into, either no one won or the narcissist did.

I know some people might think I shouldn't delve into upsetting topics, and I understand the validity of that. In fact, I completely agree. Usually I don't. But I'm not the kind of person who enjoys denying reality either, doing so makes me feel... Inferior, or ignorant.. I need to be aware of the world I'm in, warts and all.

...I also need to be heard sometimes, y'know?

That being said, I've seen many sick fucks defending their sick fuckiness by saying the same three or so arguments, and when someone gives a valid criticism, they instead deny, deflect, or insult and attack. Many of the mechanisms of a narcissist.

Not stating that ALL narcissist are evil, they still need help/therapy, but they're only evil when paired with certain other attributes. I'm also not saying that this entire community is narcissistic or suffering from a narcissistic disorder (like sociopathy, etc) since, apparently, I need to super specifically clarify what I mean.

I just mean this community exhibits the super unhealthy tendencies of narcissists, which I hate. But adults should know better. They don't, but they should.

I haven't seen anybody else note this, and I have to see it said, because if I don't rant I will literally explode.

It will be so much easier for me to think positively once I've gotten everything I need to off my chest.

I really hate this community, from the bottom of my heart. It really pisses me off how righteous they think they are.

I also know that most of them will never change. If terrible people who do terrible could change, I would still be close to the narcissist, and the people I care about would be better, in a sense.

Like, these people don't realize the harm they're doing or the harm they're going to do if this community is normalized, and that goes for pretty much all fucked up communities.

... I believe I may have also struggled with narcissism. Growing up with this narcissist most likely- definitely- effected me. I struggled with being wrong and losing arguments for the longest time, and I still do sometimes. This also led to several other personal complications in myself. Luckily, I have taken steps to get better, which many actual adults seem incapable of doing.

My (most likely) narcissism has never stopped me from getting help, getting better, and realizing the difference between wrong and right. Narcissism, I know this may sound odd, never made me incapable or disabled. It isn't a disorder or something a person can't control.

People can't control being a sociopath though (a typically narcissistic disorder) but I'm not going to say what they do is excusable.

Jeffrey Dahmer, Idc to do any MORE research, just based off my current knowledge, was executed for his atrocious crimes, as you can see, courts don't excuse crime because someone has a disorder. In some cases, people are sent to rehabilitation, meaning that it doesn't matter what disorder or illness a person has, you'll still be punished or sent to a rehabilitation facility which I can guarantee is not a fun, fulfilling place to be.

So, no, mental illness or disorders are not excuses. They are a reason to either get better, or face the consequences.

I just hate this world so much

Don't worry about me though. I'm sure if I have more to say, I will. But I'm already feeling better now that I can put these feelings into somewhat cohesive writing.