#i don't like hot sauce so i don't put it on my food simple

[epickiya722]

This is how you know some people just want to complain just to make others miserable and cause chaos. I'm going to give you an example.

So, you know how people don't like dubbed anime?

Alright, that's fine, that's okay.

However, what it not fine is clicking on a video that clearly says "dub" in the title, go to the comment section and type and post "I hate dub".

If you don't like dub then why CLICK ON A VIDEO THAT SAYS DUB IN THE TITLE?

That's like walking into a coffee shop, ordering a coffee, drinking it and going "I hate coffee".

You're not voicing a valid opinion. You're voicing that you're both a dumbass and a jerk.

That's how you know someone is complaining to just cause a little chaos.

They voluntarily put themselves in a space they clearing don't belong.

[trumpkinhotboy]

prank war | p.l

pairing. paul lahote x reader

type. requested <3

warnings. curse word?

word count. 1.4k

a/n. since i don't like writing summaries lmao, i think i will make it kind of official when writing requests that if you want to know what it will be about click the link to the request :) this was so fun to write this is def crack BAHA i hope you will enjoy mwah xx

"Y/n, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Absolutely positive."

"But what if-"

"Em," you gave your friend a severe look. Emily always tended to be too kind, but this you could not let her sensitive nature make your plan fail. "Might I remind you that we are cruelly losing this battle of pranks? Jared, Embry, and Quil have been launching us. This is our time to make a stand."

"I know but… I still feel a little bit bad about it."

"Do you remember when they put confetti absolutely everywhere in the house? We had to clean that mess for weeks. I think there is still some confetti on my body in places where there shouldn't be."

Emily was a neat freak, she did not tolerate any mess. You knew how she hated that particular prank and how it would be an easy way to rile her up. You smiled when you saw her gaze suddenly turn very dark and resolute. Bulls eyes. Without further questioning, she joined you.

Your plan for retaliation was quite simple, but you knew it would hit your enemies right where it hurt. After a few internet searches, you settled on baking the most horrible and foul muffins known to the human realm. The boys were huge eaters so first, you knew they could never resist the temptation of a hot basket of muffins. Second, they were all known for their sensitive stomachs. It was a classic yet very effective prank. You looked like mad scientists incorporating literally any ingredients possible into the mixture giving it a strange color.

"I don't think it can get worse than that," declared Emily as you looked at the finished product.

You examined the bowl on the counter, feeling like you were missing an essential element. "Wait! There's one more thing we can add."

You went over to the pantry and proudly held up the bottle of extra spicy sauce the boys were keeping for special occasions, aka when they wanted to burn from the inside out.

Emily applauded your genius and watched excitedly as you dropped some in the mixture, then some more, and just a tiny bit more until you had poured at least one table cup of hot sauce into the bowl. If the original mixture didn't make them sick, this would for sure.

"This is a work of art Em, we can be proud of ourselves."

You high-fived and rapidly cooked the muffins before the boys returned from their run.

Your opponents were werewolves, with incredible sense of smell. So you knew you had to be smart about it. Especially since they knew a prank might fall upon them at any given moment. You had planned everything to a T. When returning home, Quil, Jared, and Embry were usually the ones who came in first, which you counted on as you didn't want to prank the rest of the pack. Emily had smartly accounted for the boys' suspicion and made sure to bake two safe-to-eat muffins from the batch so you could fool the three guys into eating.

You made sure to use food coloring to give the muffins a rich brown color and sprinkled cinnamon along with a few other herbs on the muffins to make sure they would smell mouth-watering. You cleared away any hint of your actions and did it so well that when the boys arrived, no one could ever think something was going on.

You welcomed them joyfully with your best angelic smiles. As expected, it didn't take them long to notice the muffins, Quil even going as far as reaching out a hunger-crazed hand towards the bowl.

"Wait," suddenly cut Embry with a suspicious look in your direction. He slapped his brother's hand away. "What's the special occasion?"

Like professional actresses, you and Emily looked at each other. "Since when do we need special occasions to bake muffins?"

You rolled your eyes when Embry bent down to take a big whiff from the basket, but still lost a relieved breath when he didn't seem to smell anything out of the ordinary.

"Why aren't you two eating any?" skeptically asked Jared.

"Because we ate so much filling we might puke but if it reassures you I don't mind taking a bite."

You reached your hand out for Emily to pick the safe muffins from the basket and prayed she didn't mix them up. You leveled your stare at the boys and took a huge bite.

When the cinnamony and chocolate flavors hit your tongue you sighed with relief, putting your reaction on account of the amazing taste. "Delicious as always."

Your performance seemed to reassure them but they didn't grab any yet. Anxiousness rose in your body, you needed to get them to eat before the others came in.

They were still hesitating when Paul barged in, quickly kissed you on the cheek, and grabbed a muffin.

"Paul wait-" "Gonna take a shower," he muffled between chewing.

You stare at the doorway through which he disappeared, astonished. It happened so fast. You couldn't have warned him or else the other three would have known something was up. You turned to look at Emily with panic in your eyes. Her face was blank, her hands gripping the counter. Both of you were paralyzed, what should you do? Were you taking it too far by letting your boyfriend eat the nasty mixture just so you wouldn't raise suspicions?

You stayed paralyzed in the dilemma when finally Embry, Quil, and Jared each grabbed a muffin as you and Emily stared in silence.

They had eaten a good half of it when suddenly you heard Paul screaming and cursing in the bathroom. Everybody looked in the direction of the sound when he stumbled in already wet from the shower with a towel wrapped around his hips.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THESE?"

Immediately, the three other boys looked at each other, then at you two. As if Paul's apparition had triggered the effect of the baked goods, sweat started dripping down their face, a disgusted rictus twisting their mouths.

They stared with horrified expressions. "What did you do?" asked Embry before he ran for the kitchen sink.

Even if you felt guilty Paul had been caught in the crossfire you couldn't help but feel a deep satisfaction as you stared at the three boys pushing each other and fumbling to get a sip of water. A sentiment clearly shared by your partner in crime when Emily said with an innocent smile. "What did we do? We baked you some yummy muffins of course. Isn't that right Y/n?"

"Why yes, we even added a few special ingredients to make sure you guys loved them." You added with a mischievous smile towards the three crying grown men still fighting for access to fresh water.

"That'll teach you right for putting confetti everywhere in MY house," finished Emily, leaning close to them.

They looked at her with what was sure to be fear in their eyes.

"I'm done I'm calling dibs on the bathroom sink," moaned Quil as he ran for the tiny room.

"I'm taking the hose outside!" cried out Jared.

Emily and you couldn't keep your cool from your devastating victory and started dancing around the kitchen, the grunts of pain in the house the most delicious melody to your ears. You were still laughing when you heard heavy steps enter the kitchen. Paul was standing in the doorway, still wet, still with a towel on but this time there was a half-drunk milk cartoon in his hands. A few droplets slid down his chest and the view might have even been appealing if the expression on his face wasn't so terrifying.

He took a step in your direction. "Baby I promise you weren't supposed to eat one of those. It was only for them. I'm so sorry!!"

"You could have warned me, tell me to stop,” he growled.

"But then they would have known. I'm so so sorry my love I promise I'll make you forgive me."

You kept walking back, hands up. Never a half-naked man had scared you this much.

"Oh, you will definitely pay for this." He dropped the milk on the table nearby. "And I think we will start by giving you a little swim in the cold sea."

"Paul it's freezing outside today!!" You protested with a panicked look towards the foggy forest.

"Should have thought about that before sweetheart.”

His lips curved in a diabolical smile as he leaped. You screeched and ran outside knowing damn well there was no way you could escape this.

[lisenberry]

Complete fluff, but what would the 141 be having when you show up unannounced at their apartment around dinner time, needing a place to stay after a fight with your roommate/parents/significant other?

CW: Food.

Price - Spaghetti Bolognese. The sauce is from a jar, but he cooked the meat and vegetables himself, letting it all simmer together long enough that the rich smell fills his flat.

A salad and a baguette finish it off.

"I always make enough to feed an army." He smiles warmly as he divides it up between your two plates.

He's lying of course, he fully intended to eat the whole thing himself.

Soap - Frittata. He usually just makes himself a protein shake after the gym, but upon seeing your sorry state, he sits you down and starts cooking while he listens to you get it all off your chest.

His fridge doesn't have much, but he finds half a bag of spinach that's only partially slimy, an opened package of bacon that passes the sniff test, and some eggs.

You may have caught him by surprise, but his mam raised him to be resourceful in the kitchen.

Gaz - Roast chicken and steamed vegetables. You don't know what you were expecting when you walk in, but it certainly isn't an entire roast chicken, herb crusted and glistening as it rests on his countertop.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were expecting company. I'll go." He was clearly preparing to impress some hot date, or maybe his mum and dad were coming to visit.

"Na, it's not like that. I make a whole chicken on my day off and it feeds me all week. Stops me from getting takeaway every night," he jokes as he pats his rock-hard stomach.

Healthy and simple. No wonder he stays so fit.

Ghost - Beans on toast. He was halfway through eating when you'd knocked on the door. Still licking the gummy bits from his teeth as he takes you in, not bothering to put on his mask once he'd seen you through the peephole.

"Right," is all he says as he hands you the unfinished plate of soupy tinned beans and pops his last two pieces of bread in the toaster.

"What are you going to have?" you ask, as he sits across from you and folds his arms across his chest.

"Had a big tea. Eat up, before it gets cold."

[loosesodamarble]

Hi I am in love with your work!

I would like to ask for Nacht just being with his partner like doing anything. You can write it however you want and do whatever. Please and thank you.

Thank you for your patience on this request~! And I hope you don't mind that I made it a part of my Nacht birthday post surge.

..........

Nacht Faust x Reader Daily Life

You and Nacht were dating, simple as that. His position as vice captain didn't matter to you same as how Nacht didn't care what job you had as long as you felt fulfilled doing it.

After a long time dating, Nacht asked if you wanted to move into a shared home.

You asked if he just wanted to get out of living with the Black Bulls. Nacht did admit that it was part of his reason for asking, but he genuinely did want even more time with you.

With a laugh, you agreed to move in. From there, you and Nacht slowly developed a shared routine.

Your day would begin with you and Nacht waking up in bed together.

Some mornings, you two were cuddled up close. Or at least you would be clinging to Nacht. Other days, you'd wake up nearly half off the bed while Nacht was perfectly centered on his half of the bed, unmoved like a corpse.

Both of you were late risers. Nacht because he often worked late into the night. You because your circadian rhythm was never functioning apparently.

Nacht was the one to lay out clothes for the both of you and toss your rumpled sleepwear in separate hampers.

"C'mon Nacht, I can do our laundries together," you said once only for him to hide his dirty clothes from you for two weeks. Guess you needed to date a little longer before you were allowed to wash his undergarments.

If either of you had troubles brushing out your hair, you helped each other.

You were in charge of prepping the morning coffee. You'd tried Nacht's roast once and swore it left you unable to taste anything but bitterness for two days.

If Nacht had a day off or simply stayed for more of the morning, you two made breakfast together.

.....

"What're you putting in the eggs?" Walgner asked while perched on your shoulder one morning.

"They're called spices," you stated before elaborating. "They make food taste even better by giving the flavor more depth."

"So are they all spicy like the 'hot sauce' stuff that Master doesn't like?" the devil questioned.

"Not at all! Some have a kick of spice but others are earthy. And others have a sour flavor."

"What's that one there?" Walgner pointed to the bottle in your hand.

Before you could answer, Nacht plucked Walgner off your shoulder. "That's enough, little one. Let them cook in peace."

Walgner let out a shrill sound like a hiss mixed with a bird's warble. Which, while you didn't really understand devils, felt appropriate. Nacht began to scold Walgner more which made you clap a hand over your mouth. You, like most people, thought devils to be incarnations of evil. But there Nacht was, chiding the devil who was small enough to fit in his palm as though the creature were a mischievous child.

.....

On days where the two of you had work, you and Nacht parted with a gentle "see you later" or "take care."

Goodbye kisses felt like too much, even after all the time you'd spent together and the kisses you'd already had. So you two settled with parting words.

While you were at work, you'd sometimes see the head of one of devils poke out from your shadow. They were checking up on you and you'd silently wave to them as to not get distracted at the workplace.

The Black Bulls knew of your existence. You'd even been invited to a party with them a few times before. But Nacht still didn't speak about you too much with them.

"I'd hate to flaunt my successful relationship in front of you folks," Nacht would taunt. That or he'd say "I can't share too much or else you'll try to steal them away from me."

It wasn't malicious by any means but the Bulls were a little annoyed that Nacht resisted every attempt they made to make him talk and bring out the sweet boyfriend side that you claimed Nacht had.

You also kept the relationship on the down low. After all, talking too much about Nacht could arouse unease with people who didn't understand the Black Bulls or devils.

Even so, your co-workers knew you had a sweetheart and complimented you on finding a good partner.

After the work day concluded, you and Nacht tended to meet either at a park or the marketplace near your home.

If you met at the park, you two would unwind with a stroll and discuss your days. You envied Nacht and all the adventures he went on. But you weren't the type to be a Knight so you were content to live vicariously through his retellings.

If the market was the meeting place, you two would shop for any necessities like groceries, cleaning supplies, or perhaps new home decor.

.....

"We don't need to worry about your, uh, pets...?" You cringed and felt yourself heat up, unsure of how you came off with the term.

"Yes, let's go with that while we're in public," Nacht whispered back to you. "And what about them?"

"If we get carpet or curtains..." You were eyeing a curtain set with a charming vine pattern but weren't confident enough to buy it. "We don't need to worry about them chewing or scratching up anything, right?"

"Snrk! Ah ha..." Nacht threw his head back. "Ahahahahahaa!"

You reeled back and gazed wide-eyed at Nacht. Even months in the relationship, more than a year even, you'd yet to hear Nacht make a sound like that. Sure he laughed, but it had always been one of those controlled, gentlemanly chuckles. His smile, too, was brand new to you.

"N-Nacht?" Now you were burning up. But not in embarrassment. Rather, you were blushing from awe. Your normally handsome but icy boyfriend was looking radiant like a full, silver moon. "Are you-?"

"Ah ha!" Nacht suddenly doubled over and wiped the corner of his eyes. "Oh dear, no worries! It's fine!" He held your shoulder, beaming at you like a fairy tale prince. "It's... They're house trained." He exhaled heavily and blinked a few times before his face showed confusion. "What?"

Shaking your head, you looked away. "Nothing!"

.....

You two would return and dinner would be prepped.

Cooking with Nacht was a pain sometimes because half the time, he forgot to let you know when he moved an ingredient or tool for him to make use of. And so you'd flail for a bit looking for a bottle of oil or the edge of the cutting board only for Nacht to pass it to you using his magic.

But you preferred working together over cooking alone or simply watching him cook. Doing it by yourself was overwhelming at times, even though cooking for two wasn't that bad. And watching Nacht cook was... He couldn't innovate in the kitchen at all and so watching him glance between a recipe card and the actual food gave you secondhand embarrassment.

Ever since you two moved in together, Nacht insisted on doing dishes on his own. Or rather, to leave the job to him and the devils. Apparently all their time together in Spade (and before) taught them at least how to do some chores together as a unit.

You peeked at them during the task once and it was the cutest thing you'd laid eyes on.

Nacht always had a mug of tea before bed, a bit of a ritual for himself. And while he sipped tea, you'd be soaking in the tub to ease your body in preparation for sleep.

Nacht did have to save you from drowning a couple of times. But that was because work had been especially tough those days so you were really out of it.

You two got into your pajamas and then settled down in bed together. Nacht typically brought a book or packet of paperwork with him, keeping himself occupied until the end.

Your favorite nights were when Nacht didn't have anything with him and you could reach your hand out to hold his. Although his skin was always cold to the touch, you felt comforted when your fingers intertwined with his at night.

Days where both of you had off from work didn't occur too often but when they did, you and Nacht took advantage of that time.

Usually, you two would use Nacht's Shadow Magic to whisk you off to another town to enjoy the sights, sounds, and flavors of a new place.

Nacht happily took advantage of his magic that way. You'd spent your whole life in one city and now he was letting you explore the kingdom.

.....

"Maybe one day I can take you to another kingdom," Nacht suggested.

"Wouldn't that be a big strain on your magic though?" As much as you appreciated Nacht's effort, you didn't want him to do that much for you. "Besides... I'm starting to feel bad that I can't do anything as grand for you so..."

Nacht sighed before saying your name. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes.

"I'd really prefer it if you didn't do anything grand for me. Besides, my teleporting ability isn't something remarkable to me. It's just something else that I can do to make you happy, like cooking together or brushing your hair."

Nacht then leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"Maybe what I can do with my magic feels like a blessing to you. And similarly, being with you is a miracle for me. So just continue to love me and continue letting me love you."

You and Nacht locked eyes. His gaze was gentle, enough to make the tears in your eyes finally fall, though with a feeling different from what made them initially form.

"I love you..." You whispered suddenly. You didn't know why but the words came to you and you had to speak them.

"I love you too..." Nacht’s voice was full of love.

Slowly, you two leaned in for a kiss. A shy, tender kiss that silently repeated the emotion you two had just spoken. It was a reconfirmation of what you both knew and wanted. To love and be loved. By each other.

[oonajaeadira]

Hi Adira!

Last week and next week I am living the life of a paid musician (pit then orchestra) and I am fried. Seeing as how you���re familiar with the professional performer life, I was wondering if you have any advice on how to make it mentally and physically sustainable?

I am hoping that more of these opportunities will come my way and I want to be able to do it without spending a week in bed afterwards…

Ooof. I've been there. I mean, you gotta do the basics--sleep, good food, water. I also rely on copious amounts of coffee.

But the thing that usually gets me through a prolonged show-mode slam is plan ahead and then literally taking it one. day. at. a. time.

Don't look down those calendar days and wish for Friday. It's only going to make you burn out on Tuesday. Literally living in the moment saves my ass every time. Assess what you need from moment to moment. Are you hungry? Need a snack? Just sit and rest? Got a couple of hours but just exhausted? Don't worry about the "other stuff." That will be waiting for you at the end of the week. Just do what you need to that day to feel rested in your mind and body. Even if it's just zoning out to tv; don't feel guilty about that. It's just for this moment. There will be productive moments later. This one is for Narcos.

This is not to say you shouldn't plan ahead. Get your laundry done before the big week. Make big batches of good food you can eat on the go or take very minimal time to prepare for a meal so you don't stress about food prep or fall into the trap of fast food which will zap your energy and time and moneys.

One of my biggest events of the year is a two-week period where I'm literally at the office at 10am, participating in the evening events from 5-11pm, and then co-hosting an after-event until around 1am. When you factor in drive time and showers, that leaves me just enough time to sleep. Sometimes.

So I make sure to do my laundry right before. I'll even maybe organize my closet in a way where I can just pull out clothes without thinking too hard. Take an assessment of your groceries/toiletries and make sure you have what you need, because nothing will frazzle you more than not having it and/or having to squeeze in time to get to the shops. (If you do have to have something, mail order.) Make a go-bag for the week with anything you might need (including an extra change of clothes if you need it).

And if there's anything you can put off until after the big event, PUT IT OFF. Just mentally prepare yourself for big focus on the performing for that short burst of time.

When my big event is coming up, this is an example of what I do for food:

Bag of nuts and/or trail mix to keep in my bag.

Bag of carrot sticks I can keep in the fridge at work and a jar of peanut butter at my desk specifically for them. Fk spooning that shit out, dip your sticks in it.

I will boil up an entire family-sized package of Buttoni tortellini, dump in a whole container of the brand's pesto sauce, one whole chopped bell pepper, three whole packages of sprinkle tomatoes (or one package of halved cherry tomatoes), a whole package of peas (steamfresh microwave packet), and half a chopped red onion. MIX. That will give you a pasta salad for at least a week that you can eat cold right out of the fridge or warm up real quick and has a ton of veggies. And if you need protein, you can fix your meats separately and just add them in when you fix up a bowl. The key is to pack it full of tasty veggies you like that will balance the oils/fats of the pesto and turbo charge the carbs for lots of energy. (Pro tip: get a pair of really good kitchen scissors if you're like me and bad at chopping veggies or have terrible knife skills or terrible knives. So much quicker to cut.)

Starbucks via packets are a life saver if you have access to hot water and don't have time to make/grab coffee.

Laugh when you can. Step outside and focus on one thing--one flower, the way the sun hits a stop sign. Let your brain be simple for a little bit every day--I call this "letting it hang to get the wrinkles out". When you've been stationary too long, stretch. And when you feel stressed, close your eyes and imagine Pedro gently placing a finger on any spot that is tense until you let it go.

[swabian-princess]

Domestic engineer tales - cooking 101

Hey girlies, todays topic is cooking. I know many girls that are scared to start their cooking journey and I know girls that simply don't want to cook.

Well, I believe that being able to cook and to alter recipes to your liking are so so important! It saves money in the long run, is healthier than take out and men are impressed!

I remember one instance: my bf and I were together for around 1,5 years at that time and I surprised him with a simple meal - chickenbreast with mushroom-cream-sauce on Tagliatelle. Everything but the Tagliatelle was made from scratch. He was so impressed - he literally told me a few months later, that he fell even more in love with me on that day.

I had professional cooking lessons for the majority of my schooltime and I like to believe that I'm a good cook! That's why I thought it would be nice to have some tips and tricks for you all!

1. If you want a meal to taste more like garlic do this: don't add the garlic in the beginning, instead just right before your meal is finished cooking. That adds way more garlic flavour!

2. Never overstir your pancake or cookie dough batter! It makes the finished products dense and a little bit stale - everything we don't like! Stir your batter just long enough, you shouldn't be able to see big patches of flour (a little is fine) and that's usually the perfect mixture!

3. Always let your dough rest! Especially yeast dough but also pasta and dumpling dough. This makes the dough more tender and easier to work with. If your recipe states a specific rest time - always follow the instructions!

4. If you want to make hot lemon water for health benefits make sure that your water is not boiling. If it's to hot for too long it will destroy all the nutrients and vitamins in the lemon!

5. If you're working with yeast - make sure that your liquids aren't too hot! This will kill the yeast (doesn't matter if instant or not) and your dough won't rise!

6. Don't use normal olive oil for cooking. Olive oil easily burns at a still low temperature and this can lead to a bitter taste. It's better for cold salad dressings or as a seasoning!

7. Your stove has different settings on purpose! You don't need to blast the highest setting all the time - this often leads to food that's burned on the outside and raw in the middle. I'm gonna take pancakes as an example: put your stove on middle heat, put a little bit oil in your non stick pan and wait 3-5min for your pan to heat up. Once your pan is hot enough (test it with your hands above the pan), take some kitchen towels and take off all the excess oil in the pan. Lastly, pour in your pancake batter and watch how your pancakes will cook to perfection instead of being burned and still full of liquid on the inside!

Lots of love

Selene

[krenenbaker]

Recipes for Dove (and others, too)

This is a small selection of recipes that I put together for @dove-da-birb. They are some of the recipes that I and my family use, mainly vegetarian, but also with a few non-vegetarian options. I tend to adapt these a bit when I make them, usually adding more of the seasonings and aromatics, but the recipes are a good basis to build off of.

The recipes are from The Ultimate Vegetarian Cookbook, The Paleo Diabetes Diet Solution, and a couple websites (which I've linked).

Recipe Websites I Often Use

The 1940s Experiment - A website containing a variety of recipes from 1940s Wartime Britain. They can be a little hit-or-miss, but I linked a few of my favourites below. They're definitely rather British in nature, so may or may not appeal. Many of the recipes are wither vegetarian, or have a vegetarian option.

Just One Cookbook - A HUGE collection of Japanese recipes, from mains, to sides, to desserts, to a whole lot of other dishes. There are a lot of recipes that I've enjoyed from here!

Sides and Starches

Tattie Scones (Tippitiwychett) - I LOVE this recipe. It's just a really good starch to have with a meal!

Mock Black Pudding (The 1940s Experiement) - One of the many "mock" foods of the era, this is a fried, seasoned oat patty. It's nice with either veggies and a protein for dinner, or with eggs and tomatoes for a savoury breakfast.

Lemon Garlic Pasta (Pinch and Swirl) - Just a nice, simple pasta recipe. I generally add some spinach towards the end of the cooking process to wilt a little, and it's also really tasty if made (significantly) spicier. Roasting the garlic beforehand also adds another layer of richness to the dish, but it's not necessary.

Mains (Vegetarian)

Mushroom risotto (Recipe Tin Eats) - I posted about this the other day, but it's a really rather nice recipe if you enjoy risotto and/or mushrooms :)

Mock Goose (the 1940s Experiment) - Not goose, but a baked lentil dish! It's surprisingly nice, especially topped with cheese in the last few minutes of baking.

Mock Crab (The 1940s Experiment) - Again, not crab, but a cheesy scrambled egg dish. It's nice on toast as a quick lunch, with some fresh veg as a side. I would definitely recommend using less margarine/butter, as it can get a bit too oily otherwise.

Masoor Dahl (Choosing Chia) - This is an alright basis for this recipe, but I usually add about double the amount of seasoning (if not more). It's a quick recipe, though, so it's nice in that way.

Tofu Katsu Curry (Okonomi Kitchen) - I'm a HUGE fan of curries, especially Japanese curries. This recipe, with breaded tofu cutlets, is a nice recipe, and I often use it. I usually just make triangles, rather than the "cutlet" shape suggested on the website, and I also make "family style" curry (as in this recipe). (Also, Okonomi Kitchen is another website with a lot of good vegetarian/vegan dishes!)

Curried Squash Soup - I don't remember what this exact recipe is like, but you can alter the seasoning to suit your tastes ^w^ (Using frozen, cubed squash is a really good option here!)

Vegetarian Bolognese - You can use canned beans instead of dried, and though they won't have the bay leaf flavouring, it's a quicker way to make this sauce. I'd also recommend adding some heat, either with pepper flakes, fresh hot peppers, or canned chipotles.

Roasted Ratatouille - You can of course just use normal diced tomatoes for this. It won't have the same smokiness, but it's still just as good!

Mains (non-Vegetarian)

Greek-Style Turkey Burgers - My family makes these into meatballs, usually. They also need more seasoning than is called for in the recipe, by quite a bit. (Mint is also a nice addition to these!)

Baked Haddock with Peppers and Tomatoes - This recipe is more me just putting the concept in this collection, of white fish baked in a chunky tomato sauce. It's always just a nice, simple meal to have, especially with some rice or wild rice.

[batbetbitbotbut]

I am reminded of this reddit post and update, from a person seeking to recreate a dish their mum used to make based on not much more than "chicken, peaches, and it was beige".

I am a pretty competent cook, so don't worry about that bit. I just want to know if this dish sounds familiar, so someone can fill me in on the parts I don't remember. It's a chicken dish made with flat chicken cutlets. I think she used to hammer them a bit with a kitchen mallet, dredge them in flour, and pan fry them in a little butter so they would brown nicely. The sauce is the part I am a little lost about. She used white wine (probably chardonnay) and sour cream, that part I am sure of. There were canned peaches too, which were slightly browned and served on top. I'm sure there was something more to it than that, any thoughts? The flavor was tangy, not particularly sweet except for the peaches, and the sauce was opaque and kind of a beige color. Does this sound like a dish you are aware of? While her food was great, her dishes were usually pretty simple. It is likely that this is not something she invented herself, but it might be something that she simplified. Does anyone know what this is or what it is called so I can look it up and try and get it right? She used to serve it with grilled zucchini brushed with garlic butter. Thank you. Edit -- I am blown away with how helpful and kind you all have been. I have taken little hints from each of your posts and a lot of them have jogged my memory. I think some sort of composite from these suggestions will produce something close. I am going to try to make it when I have the chance, and I will update when I do. Thank you, reddit. <3

Update 6 days later:

My mom passed away a few years ago. I needed help trying to recreate a chicken recipe of hers that I have been craving, because I could only remember a few ingredients. You amazing people of r/recipes came through and gave me so many wonderful suggestions. With a mix of all your advice, I made it tonight. I was nervous as I was putting it together. I felt like there had to be something more to it, but I went with using just the ingredients I knew (as suggested by Ethril). I felt like there was something I was forgetting. Something about brown specks in the sauce. I went with it anyway, and figured I would know what to add at the end by taste. I took chicken cutlets and hammered them flat. Dredged in flour and sauteed in butter (high heat). I burned the butter a little. I remembered my mom saying that butter is the one thing that is ok to burn (as long as it is not smoking furiously) so I left it alone, and smiled at the memory. I was pleased to see the chicken brown to the color I remember. When I flipped the chicken I added the zucchini spears and browned those too. When the chicken was done (just a couple minutes) I set it aside and covered it in tinfoil to keep it warm, then turned the zucchini and browned the peaches in the same pan. It only took a few minutes to brown everything and when the zucchini and peaches were done I put them aside with the chicken. I deglazed the empty pan with chardonnay. My mom wasn't a big wine person, so I went with the cheapest they had. I suddenly remembered that sound the wine would make when it hit the hot pan, a huge hiss. Mom used to tell me to step back before she poured it in, because it would splash a little. I felt like I was nine years old again. I added three big dollops of sour cream and dissolved it in the hot wine. I didn't know what I was going to do next, this was all I had planned. Then I saw the little brown flecks come up. It was that burned butter! I just about cried. I tasted it, and suddenly in my mind I was standing in her kitchen as a kid watching her cook. This was it. It was that simple. I added a couple spoonfuls of the liquid from the canned peaches to take away a little of the wine's tartness, and the sauce was perfect. Just like she used to make. Keep in mind that I am no food stylist, but I assure you that this tasted 10x better than it looks: http://i.imgur.com/Qgk6u.jpg The whole thing took less than 20 minutes to make. And I fucking nailed it. Thank you so, so much reddit! You brought me back, and I love you. The smell is still lingering in the house.

"I can never get it tasting like my mom used to make" yeah, because your mom had a giant Costco-size bottle of a specific pre-mixed spice blend that was discontinued by its manufacturer in 1998 and spent your entire childhood putting it in every meal to use the stupid thing up faster – she doesn't know how to replicate it any more than you do.

[accidental-memory]

As we head into winter and face the terrors of being alive for these Interesting Times, I thought I'd bring up a couple of things that I have brought up in the past that help me through the real bad days. Starting with these two --

VERY SIMPLE RECIPES

Coconut Curry Ramen

There is a meal that I make when I need something that is filling, healthy, simple, quick, very inexpensive, and only has like.. five ingredients. Comes from my absolute favorite recipe websites, Budget Bytes: https://www.budgetbytes.com/coconut-curry-ramen/

Burgers d'Worcestershire

The cost of a hamburger is absurd no matter where you go now, and also you should probably resist the urge to dine out unless and until federal regulations and oversight go back into place at food processing plants.

But to be honest, I think I'm kinda done with eating burgers that I haven't made myself, cuz we discovered how to make hamburgers that are better than you can get at any restaurant -- using a Foreman Grill and a fish sauce.

We use a Foreman Grill cuz we live in a tiny apartment. And I suggest using a Foreman Grill even if you have access to a real one -- at least for the first time you try them. If you then go make them on a real grill, lemme know how it comes out. Cuz I bet it comes out REAL good.

- Pack of 8 sesame buns

- 2lb. ground beef; we use 90% lean

- Worcestershire sauce (get the good stuff, Lea & Perkins, it makes a huge difference!!)

- garlic powder

- fresh ground black pepper (optional, and you could add it afterwards instead of during prep)

These instructions are gonna assume you're doing it the way we do it at home: making four patties from one pound of beef, saving the other half for a couple of days later so the buns don't go bad before you've had a chance to use them, and cooking them on a Foreman Grill.

Separate the ground beef in two equal halves. One you will put on a plate or in a bowl. The other goes into a plastic bag, flattened out, and then placed in the freezer.

Smush the pound of ground beef into a bowl shape. Into the meat bowl, dash a very-scientifically-measured "pool" of Worcestershire sauce (I'd say like 10-12 dashes), maybe a tablespoon of garlic powder, and optionally like 20 twists of a black pepper grinder.

Fold all the ingredients into the beef until it's well-mixed, and then separate the beef into four patties.

Plug in the Foreman Grill and let it finish getting hot (ours has a second light that comes on when it's turned the heating element off, which indicates it's reached its ideal temperature). Throw the patties onto the grill, and close the top. You don't need to press it.

After 2 minutes, open it and check if they're done. I will typically split the center-top of one with a pair of forks to see if there's any red, and if there is, I close it for another minute and that'll be that.

Done. So freaking good.

[ramshacklefey]

Hey I saw your latest post and I wanted to ask if you have any resources about eating vegan! (recipes, getting started, etc.) I'm honestly so tired of the "vegans are annoying and obnoxious" stereotype too

Sure!

The first thing to know is that you'll want to ease into it. This is a big change to your diet, and that can affect you in lots of different ways while you're adjusting. One good idea is to adopt a vegetarian diet first, and then switch to vegan once you're used to that.

The only supplements you definitely want to make sure you're getting are Vitamin D and a Vitamin B complex (just make sure it has B12 in it specifically).

Everything after this comes with the caveat that I don't know your particular living situation, dietary habits, or overall health, so this advice is pretty general. Take or leave it as it works for you.

(Long post under cut)

General Tips

Focus on seeking out ways to eat more plants, not on avoiding things. Focusing on the positive side of things makes the whole situation a lot easier, because you won't be thinking about stuff you're missing out on. If you're deliberately filling your pantry with plant-based foods that you enjoy, you'll find that you don't miss the things you used to eat so much. After a while, you'll stop craving things like meat and dairy.

Cutting cheese out of your diet is the hardest part. Turns out that cheese contains a protein called casein which, when you digest it, breaks down into chemicals that have a similar effect on your brain to microdosing cocaine. Be prepared to go through a week or two of bizarrely strong cheese craving when you stop eating it.

You don't have to be a fancy cook to be vegan. Obviously, there's a lot of fresh fruit and veg that you can just eat raw. But there's a lot of other stuff that's super easy that requires almost no prep. I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to my food, and I have no problems. Some of my go-to meals include: spaghetti (I use cheap jarred sauce most of the time), simple curries, rice and beans (plus whatever the fuck spices I feel like), potatoes in every form imaginable, peanut butter and jelly, chips and salsa, chips and bean dip, and oatmeal.

You don't have to pay exorbitant prices to get vegan snacks. There are a lot of companies nowadays producing vegan versions of common snack foods, and they are fucking expensive. However, lots of favorite, cheap snacks are already vegan! Off the top of my head: Oreos and many other cheap packaged cookies, most flavors of Pop-Tarts, almost any candy that isn't chocolate, a lot of chips, dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher), french fries, and popcorn are all good ones.

Fruits and veggies will get tastier the more you eat them. At this point, I'm as happy sitting and eating grapes, cherries, fresh green-beans, or frozen peas as I ever was eating candy. And I don't feel wretched afterwards.

Learn what produce is seasonal in your area. Fresh produce is absurdly expensive, but if you know what's in season at any time, you can take advantage of sales. This has the added benefit of putting some variety in your diet throughout the year.

Preserved produce is just as good as fresh. Frozen, dried, or canned fruit and vegetables are all delicious, often cheaper than fresh, and don't have any nutritional deficiency to speak of. If you're eating canned things, don't throw out the juice though! A lot of the good stuffs in the plants end up in the juice (basically it gets steeped out), so it's best to use that in your dish. Pickled foods are not only tasty, but they have great probiotics in them, and they're a lifesaver in hot weather if you're having trouble staying hydrated.

Add oil and salt! People get a lot of oil and salts from animal products, and if you don't replace those somehow, you may find yourself feeling hungry all the time. Also, adding oil and salt to veggies makes it easier for your body to digest them efficiently.

Roast those veggies! Pretty much any fresh vegetable can be roasted with oil and seasonings to turn it into a delicious meal. If you have an air-fryer, that's also a fucking excellent option.

Legumes are life. Beans and lentils are top notch friends for the vegan, and they can be added to almost any dish.

Peanut butter. If you can eat peanut butter, it's got soooo much fucking good stuff in it.

Tofu is bullshit most of the time. Ok, it's not, but I usually find it to be more of a pain in the ass than it's worth.

Fake meat is overrated. Some of it's definitely tasty, and if you're still feeling very emotionally attached to certain meat-based dishes, it's really helpful. But it's also not necessary. And honestly, it's been long enough since I ate meat that I find the stuff that really tries to mimic meat deeply unsettling and kinda gross. Speaking of which:

You'll start being grossed out by meat and dairy after a while. It's not a performative moral thing, your body just starts being grossed out by it.

Once you stop eating animal products, you will eventually stop being able to digest them. At this point, I am incredibly lactose intolerant, and even tiny amounts of meat or animal fat in my food will make me sick as fuck. Turns out, a significant amount of your digestion is actually done by your gut flora, and there are specific species of microbes in your guts that help you digest different foods. If you go long enough without animal products, the microbes you need to digest those will all die, and you can't actually digest them at all any more.

Things to keep on hand:

Spice blends! Try out a bunch of different ones and then just keep a few bottles of your favs around the house. They can be sprinkled on veggies, tossed into pasta dishes or soups, added to stir-fries, etc. They're especially great if you don't generally cook much and don't have a huge knowledge base for what spices go well together.

Nutritional yeast. This can be a bit expensive, but it's so worth it if you can swing it. It's a kind of yeast that's been dried into flakes, and it's great for putting on some things in place of cheese. I mostly use it for spaghetti and popcorn. It's got a very nice savory flavor.

(Personal) Plant milk. You don't need this by any stretch, but I like having it for oatmeal, smoothies, and baking. Almond milk is usually the cheapest, which I'm not super happy about. Oat milk is my favorite, but for some reason it's way more expensive (making your own oat milk is actually super easy, but I wouldn't expect most people to go to that much trouble).

Cooking

Like I said earlier, you really don't have to be a fancy cook to eat vegan. However, learning a few recipes that you can pull out as stock meals will make life way easier. If there's a specific dish you want to learn how to make vegan, the easiest thing is to just go online and search for "vegan [dish] recipe."

One thing I cannot recommend highly enough is the cookbook Supermarket Vegan by Donna Klein. It's a simple, affordable cookbook that's focused on recipes that can be made of ordinary ingredients. It has a huge variety of different sorts of dishes from all around the world. They range from super easy snacks to main dishes that you could use as the centerpiece for a fancy meal. And the instructions are clear and concise, easy for even a beginner cook to follow. If you get a copy of this book and start basing your meals off the recipes here, it'll probably be a lot easier to make the switch, because you'll have a plethora of tasty foods to make!

Honestly, the most difficult adjustment to cooking vegan is baking. Most things can be adapted, but it takes a bit more know-how and understanding of what roles various ingredients are playing in a dish. And by various ingredients I mostly mean eggs.

Eating Out

This is generally the biggest pain in the ass for vegans. For one thing, it's amazing how many people just. Don't get what being vegan means. Be prepared for some awkward family dinners or parties where there's not a lot available to you.

When it comes to actual restaurants, your best bets are generally going to be Indian, Eastern Mediterranean, Ethiopian, Thai, and higher-end Central/South American. These places are the most likely to serve a variety of dishes that don't have any animal products in them by default.

If you like coffee drinks, ask for soy or oat milk when you order. They steam better than almond milk, which tends to curdle because of the acidity of the coffee.

Lastly, and this is definitely localized to where I live, Taco Bell is my absolute go-to for fast food. Almost none of their default items are vegan, but they're good about customizing things. My usual order is: Cheesy bean and rice burrito, no cheese sauce, no creamy jalapeño sauce, add black beans, add potatoes, add red sauce, and grilled.

Last Thoughts

Despite what a lot of people think, being vegan is easy once you adapt to it. It's suitable to any food budget, allows for a wide variety of different foods, and is just as healthy as any other decent diet. You might go through a couple months at the beginning that feel a bit rough, but dietary changes are a big deal and always take some adjustment. If you stick with it, you're likely to discover that you actually start feeling a lot better and more energetic than you did before.

Most importantly, be yourself and have fun! It's not a contest, and any benefit you want to see from adopting a vegan diet is still going to happen if you only manage to partly change how you eat.

[blackknightgargiefoodtopia]

Filio Restaurant & Catering

Finally another new place that I can blog about, since these few days we've been eating only at familiar areas. Without further ado, let's get started with Filio Restaurant and Catering!

Location: Gadong Central, closer towards the Menglait area

Heard that this is a famous Filipino restaurant that decided to try its luck and branch out into Brunei, so definitely wanna give this a good try.

Setting: Nice, simple and clean, with apparently upstairs dining probably for social events

We ate together with my buddy's colleague (whom we've eaten before together at Lian Fu Restaurant and Catering (that exotic meat place) and these are what we ordered:

My root beer drink

Fish and chips, Filipino style

Very interesting presentation, though it's like the smallest fish and chips I've ever seen. It was served mostly as an appetizer rather than an actual meal, and the chips were literally chips, as in the chips you get when you're buying junk food like Pringles and Jack & Jill's. Very crunchy and fine. They must've put a lot of effort into it.

Sizzling sisig

Basically a beef dish served together with rice. The smell is amazing and the meat is cooked perfectly. Juicy, tender and steaming piping hot, best combination of taste ever.

Kare-kare

Basically another beef with innards and veggies served with rice and tons of peanut sauce (not for those with peanut allergies, mind you). The peanut sauce is very rich and thick, and compliments very well with the broiled beef, and the veggies are relatively fresh, although I don't really like the eggplants. Not a big fan of eggplants in general actually, but if I have to eat it, then I would.

Beef tapa

Rice with beef slices and sweet radish slices with a sunny side up egg. I didn't actually try the beef, since I had a lot for myself to go around, but I definitely liked the sweet radish slices there. Very sweet and savoury.

Crab fooyong

Extra side-dish of scrambled eggs cooked with real crab meat. Somehow the waiter kept stressing that it's new and improved, so I dunno how it was supposed to look like during the "beta phase", but this is actually pretty good. You can taste the egg and the crab taste melding together in one flavour and it's very fluffy. Cook really, really well.

Overall, I have nothing but praise for the food around here. Service is good, food tastes delicious, and the price is reasonable. Might even consider a reprisal if things go well and if I have the chance to eat here again.

Overall rating:

[moonyssmommyy]

~James Potter's Kinks and Turn Ons~

Pairing ~ James Potter × fem!reader

Warnings ~ nsfw content (which is pretty obvious by the title but if you need to hear it, this contains naughty content), Dom!reader, sub!James, mentions of Remus × reader, mentions of Sirius × reader, kinky shenanigans (knife play, somnophilia, masochism, pegging, and choking to name a few), unsafe sex (wrap it before you tap it!), and my own personal opinion!!!

Altocalciphilia - High Heels

• James thinks you look so sexy and powerful when you wear high heels. I can see him getting more, and more aroused as the sound of your heels clicking gets closer and closer

Corsetry - Corset Kink

• James is a simple man, he sees tits and he's excited, but corsets just do it in a way he'll never be able to get over. Your tits just look so pretty pushed right up in his face like that. They're so much bigger than they usually are. James doesn't really care how big they are though. All tits are good tits, especially yours. He'd also wear one if you wanted him to

Sitophilia - Food Play

• James thinks it's so fun. Putting whipped cream on your body, James could lick it all off so fast, one big swipe, but teasing you with the tip of his tongue is just so much more fun. You licking chocolate sauce off his chest has him shuddering and holding his breath. He'd also like to arrange little candies all over your body and slowly eat them off. Prepare to be still for quite some time while he's laying them out though, James is a literal man child so of course he has to make a pretty design with them before he eats them

Knife Play

• James thoroughly appreciates the beauty of a sharp knife in your hands when he's on his back laying completely still with you on top of him. Everytime the knife drags down his body his abdomen clenches hard with arousal. The shallow little cuts in his skin, little wounds he'll appreciate every day til they heal and fade. It's something so special to him, the way you could hurt him so badly, so easily, but choose not to. He likes the marks in his skin, the way you claim him.

Plushophilia - Performing sexual acts with a stuffed animal

• It's not in the extreme way as one might think, James doesn't cut holes in stuffed animals to fuck them. He just likes to rub himself on your stuffed animals to get off. They're so soft, and they smell like you too. It's almost like he's just learning how to get himself off. The way he's so frantic with it, his eyes screwed tightly shut and his shirt stuffed in his mouth in an attempt to quiet his loud moans. His hips move frantically, pushing his cock against the soft fur of whatever stuffed animal you've been spending the most time with until it's fur is matted together with his cum. James always feels really bad afterwards though. He got something so dear to you, so dirty all because he was selfish and couldn't wait until you got back home. So James washes the stuffed animal and puts it back in its place before leaving to get you a new one. Stuffed animals are one of James' go-to-gifts so it doesn't matter if you had a whole collection of them when you got together, or if you had the same one from your childhood, or even if you had none at all. You have a collection now, whether or not you did before.

Stigmatophilia - Tattoos and Piercings

• Not so much tattoos as piercings, tattoos are pretty, James thinks. They just don't get him all twisted up like piercings do. James regularly fantasizes about you with nipple piercings and a tongue piercing. He also thinks nose piercings are really hot for absolutely no reason at all.

Stockings

• He really doesn't know what about them gets him so hot and bothered. All he knows is that they're so hot and he's definitely bothered. He feels almost like they're teasing him in a way

Underwear

• Do I really need to explain? He can just picture you all dressed up in the pretty panties he not so secretly took from you as he jerks his cock. Two pairs are required to complete his ritual. One, to hold over his face and cover him so completely with you and your scent, and another to wrap around his cock and pump his solid shaft. Few things get him to cum as fast as this

Uniforms

• Neat and ruly, that's what uniforms are supposed to be, at least in James' opinion. Something about messing that tidiness up is so good to James. A gratification he simply can not pass up. That's why sex in an empty classroom or closet is frequent between the two of you. Not to mention the easy access your school uniform provides, all James has to do is press you up into a wall, flip your skirt up, and move your underwear aside.

Partialism - A sexual preference for a certain part of the body

• BOOBS! And thighs, James loooves thighs

Olfactophilia - Scent Kink

• Ties into the underwear thing, the smell of your cunt is something that makes him horny immediately. Sometimes just the smell of your perfume is enough to get him going

Somnophilia - engaging in sexual activity with a sleeping person

• This goes both ways! I'm a firm believer in sleep whore Jamie and so at first it was purely accidental. Harmless grinding and little whimpers in his sleep as he had a particularly good dream. You were ok with that, infact you liked it. Sometimes you'd help him, slotting one of your legs between his thighs to give him something to grind on properly. You'd hold him tight with arousal burning in your belly waiting for him to wake up. James woke up once, during the middle of one of his little dreams. You hadn't woken up yet, and James knew it was ok for him to do it while he was asleep but he didn't know if it was ok to do it while you were asleep. Still, he couldn't stop himself. Something about the fact that maybe it wasn't ok only added to his pleasure. If it wasn't would you be mad at him? Would you spank him? God, he hoped you would. Or maybe, you wouldn't be mad at all, maybe you'd like it. That thought is what caused James to finish. Needless to say, James has a new found love for grinding himself into you while you're asleep. He'd also really love to actually fuck you if you'd let him, but he doesn't think you're quite there yet. You could fuck him though, James has already given you his explicit, enthusiastic consent. He's yours, completely, and he wants you to know that. He wants you to know that he trusts you enough to have him in a way he deems vulnerable while in an even more vulnerable state.

Intoxication - A preference for taking drugs or drinking alcohol before hand

• I also don't have a particular explanation for this one other than he just likes it. He thinks it's fun. When you're both tipsy and want each other so bad you're scrambling to take one another's clothes off. He'd also like to experiment with Viagra, whether you're both taking or just one of you

Masochism - Pain Kink

• I don't think there's any instance in which James would hurt you, and if he did I definitely don't think he'd like it. So sorry if that's your thing but I just don't think that's James'. I do, however, think that James would love the deliverance of pain brought about by your soft, loving hands. Even if they are spanking his ass until it's red and raw, especially if they're spanking his ass red and raw. He appreciates the gentle way you care for him afterwards just as much if not more than when you're inflicting pain. It's something so special, so sacred, shared only between the two of you. When you rub your hands gently over his sore ass, and kiss his back, and then his shoulder. When you hold him in your lap and kiss his head, and wipe his tears. Despite the height difference James has never felt smaller than in these moments.

Odaxelagnia - Biting

• James likes to bite. James also really likes being bitten. I'm not sure how else to explain it other than this. It ties into another of his kinks tho.

Puppy Play

• James Potter really is such a good boy. If you can get past the arrogant asshole layer. He's already quite like a puppy already. James is like a golden retriever with his need to please. He also gets quite sad without frequent socialization and proper attention. You just need to get a little golden tail and a little pair of golden ears for your golden boy. With or without the tail and ears he's still a puppy. He enjoys being pampered and taken care of. Having your nails scratching at his scalp as he eats you out. Petting his head as you ride him, bouncing on his cock. James' favorite part is the praise though. The soft little sound somewhat between a moan and whimper when you call him a good boy tells you all you need to know about that. His face flushes red from his neck to his ears because he can't help it. It's embarrassing the way the sound escapes before he even has a chance to stop it. While James is absolutely perfect his behavior isn't always. He's used to getting what he wants so sometimes he can be a bit bratty. He'll bury his face in your cunt and make you cum so hard, so fast to try to make up for the fact that he didn't listen. He'll ambush you in the shower, or when you're changing. When you're naked, and vulnerable and not expecting it at all he'll whimper and whine until you bend over and let him mate you. This goes both ways though and you're not sure what's worse, when James wants to fuck you right there, right now, or when James wants to be fucked right there, right now. Either way he's your poor little horny pup and you'd definitely be lying if you said you didn't thoroughly enjoy when he fucked you or when you fucked him. You just wished he'd be a little more patient sometimes, but that's okay. Puppies can be trained

Vampire - The sexual fascination or fetishization of vampires

• I'm also not sure how to explain this one 😭 I just think he'd be really into it

Pegging

• I mean, I could explain but do I really need to??? James gets pegged on the reg and that's LAW

Rimming

• James would absolutely lose his mind if you laid him down and licked him out the way he did you. I think @morwap is so right about James being super sensitive...everywhere. So I think he'd really enjoy it. James would also return the favor if it pleased you but I don't think it's something he's particularly into on his own

Barebacking - Preference for sex without a condom

• I just think that he'd prefer to have sex without a condom. Wearing one kind of suppresses some of the feeling, and James just doesn't like the way they feel. Without one everything is so much more intense. I also think he'd have a preference for cumming inside of you which he obviously cannot do if he's wearing a condom

Clothed Sex

• Ties into the uniform thing, and the corset thing, and the stocking thing. He thinks it's super hot that you both want each other so bad you can't even wait to take your clothes off. He's also like to fuck you while you're still nice and pretty in your lingerie

Spanking

• James absolutely lives for the warm sting of your hand coming into into contact with his ass repeatedly. Could honestly cum from just that alone and he has before. So if you're thinking of using that as a way to punish him it's much more a funishment. On the flip side he also likes spanking you. Watching your ass jiggle underneath his palms makes him so excited

Internal Cumshots

• Cumming inside of you is hands down James' favorite place to finish. Sure he likes giving you a facial, or coating your tits with his release as much as the next guy, but cumming inside you is definitely sexist to James. It's just as emotionally satisfying for him as it is physically. It makes him feel more bonded to you, closer, in a way. He definitely fetishizes it more than he should. In a way it's also like coming home (no pun intended). Your cunt is so warm around him, so inviting with your legs wrapped around him nice and tight. It's sort of comforting to him in a way I guess. He feels safe and protected. He also feels like he's marking you as his and he really likes that.

Interfemoral Sex - Thigh Fucking

• Thrusting his cock between your legs and fucking your thighs is a huge turn on for James. They're so soft, and so warm, and seeing his cum all over you when he's done drives him crazy

Pictophilia - Watching Porn

• James likes watching porn. Lots of guys do and he happens to be one of them. He's not ashamed about it or anything (he thinks everyone watches porn tbh). James does have a tendency to find porn stars that resemble you in a remarkably uncanny way though. He would also really, really like to watch porn with you

Sensory Deprivation

• James thinks of it as a more extreme version of sensation play. He enjoys the heightened experience that comes along with being blindfolded or blindfolding you. It surprised you how even when you're the one blindfolded you're still in control, it also surprised you just how much you liked it. It really makes you focus on how good James is making you feel. You're more keen to the heady scent that is James looming over you. To the taste of him in your mouth, and the sound of him whimpering and moaning into your neck as he thrusts inside you. James really gets off on that, knowing your focus is entirely on him and him alone. Blindfolding James is a little...difficult. He likes it, he really does but it also frustrates him greatly. James likes to be able to look at you whilst you two are doing intimate things. He likes to see you, likes to see your reactions so he knows he's doing good, not just that you're telling him he is, and it sort of upsets him when he can't. So as much as James enjoys the heightened sensation of being blindfolded he doesn't so much enjoy the blindfolding part. Because of that it's usually done more as a punishment. James cums really fast whenever he's blindfolded. It's not his fault really all he can think about is you and your hands all over him

Choking

• James likes the feeling of your warm hands wrapped around his throat. He often gets too excited and forgets to breathe when he cums so a little bit of help from you in restricting his breathing while he cums feels great

Edging

• As much as James may not like your refusal to let him cum in the moment, he obeys. He knows the reward will be well worth the wait if he does

Katoptronophilia - sexual arousal from doing a sexual activity in front of a mirror

• James really likes fucking you in front of mirrors. He can see all of you that way and that really turns him on. James also really likes when you fuck him in front of mirrors. The focused expression on your face as you work to make him cum has him moaning like a whore underneath you

Voyeurism

• James likes to watch, James really likes to watch. James likes to watch you touch yourself, James likes to watch you work so tentatively to make Remus cum. Remus didn't know James was there until afterwards which only made James fist his cock harder, moving his hand up and down faster and faster. When Remus saw James he looked almost guilty, y'all were together, he knew that, James was ok with it. Remus knew that as well, so James had no idea why Remus looked so guilty. James should be the one feeling guilty. One of James' favorite things is to watch Sirius fuck you. Unlike Remus, Sirius always knows James is there. Sometimes Sirius will talk to James, tell him how good you feel in between moans, give him something to think about as well as watch. James feels so dirty when he's watching but that only makes him hornier. Sex always happens after, it doesn't matter if Remus was just with you, or if it was Sirius, or even if you were just touching yourself for James' own perverted pleasure. He can't help it he has to fuck you. He's always so frantic afterwards, moving his hips into yours so fast you can't even think straight. His lips move against yours so messy, his tongue invading your mouth, and for once instead of you leading the kiss you just lay back and enjoy his lust.

Vicarphilia - sexual arousal from hearing about other people’s sex lives

• I don't really know how to explain this one. I just think he'd get really, super turned on hearing about other people's sexual experiences. It probably started out with Sirius telling James about his numerous encounters with numerous school girls

[blueaetherr]

can you write something like this https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFDdKWHW/ with jude?

thank youu 💕

why wouldn't i?

pairing: jude bellingham x gn!reader [they/them]

warning(s): none

summary: the one where they pull the salt prank on jude

author's note: i would highly suggest watching the tik tok above, kinda(ish) gives context to the direction i took with this fic. enjoy, anon!

If there was one thing to learn about Jude, it was that he was kind, specifically a kind soul. He was careless yet careful and delicate. That, and everything else, was what many others loved about him; that was all that he was. On his good days, on his bad days, on those days where he wasn't provoked by any particular mood, he always came through to be kind—a gem—or simply, someone you wanted to be around if you weren't already.

It wasn't an aim, and it wasn't something that he tried to achieve or reach. That was just Jude, simply put; being kind—someone who would offer you a smile as he passed you, someone who would put others' needs before his own, someone whose hugs were calming and whole—was innate, uniquely something of Jude.

And this, by Jude, was projected to everyone around him. To his family, his friends, his partner, Y/N. From offering a hand when they reached the final step of the stairs to those compliments galore, and his ability to prioritise their peace of mind. His kindness, his pure heart, his personality, it could all stretch beyond wonders to reach Y/N.

But sometimes, or maybe more times than enough, did it go a bit too far or not far enough. For the soft soul he had, his kindness to his Y/N blinded him from potentially saying what needed to be said.

Y/N was setting up their phone when they heard the front door open. "Honey, I'm home!" Y/N laughed at the greeting, one that always remained sweet and adoring in their eyes. It also made them feel bad for the joke they were going to pull on Jude.

"I'm in here!" They called out, covering the spoon of salt with the pasta sauce.

Soon in came Jude, quickly coming by his partner's side and placing on kiss on the side of their head. Pulling away, he soon took notice of all the food in motion. "Oh my, God. You're making my favourite?" His face was beaming beyond one's usual timid happiness. He loved their cooking. It wasn't anything too simple or grand yet in his eyes, everything they made was some culinary excellence, tasting homemade. He couldn't deny any of their meals if he tried. And even if the meals were all too simple, he would remain believing that they were all too amazing.

"Thought you'd like some after training." Y/N shrugged with a small tug on their lips. Appearing somewhat nonchalant was the aim.

"You're amazing for this," he kissed their cheek once and then again, the second one lingering for a moment or two. "Thank you, love."

"It's just a little something. Speaking of," they mentioned as Jude wandered away to get a drink. Motioning to the pasta, they asked, "can you try this for me? I don't know if I put enough salt in it."

He nodded after closing the fridge and taking a drink of water. "Yeah, sure." Jude was always one to volunteer to do taste tests for Y/N before the meal was ready, wanting to make sure everything was all good for everyone else to eat.

"A'ight but careful," they warned as they held out the spoon with the pasta sauce on it. "It might be a bit hot." Chuckling softly as Jude blow on the spoon, they fed him the sauce.

Taking in a small breath, ready to sigh in relief and pure satisfaction, Jude's face quickly contorted. Initially, his facial expression expressed happiness that was wide and modest. But after the sauce rested in his mouth for far longer than it needed to, his face slowly deteriorated as it dropped a bit. He covered his mouth with his fist as he cleared his throat, patting his chest. And yet on his face still remained a smile, one that appeared to be struggling and hurting. But a smile nonetheless; that was his intent anyways.

"So what do you think? Too little, too much?" Besides his facial expressions, they already knew that he wasn't feeling the food, not one bit. There was no oh that's really, really good! What did you put in it this time? There was also no I think I need to try it again just to make sure. His face remained so discombobulated and stressed that they had to contain themself from ruining the fun they were having.

Despite clearly not liking the sauce, despite the awful aftertaste left in his mouth, with his smile—gorgeous and kindly divine—he nodded and spoke, quicker than intended, "Yeah, yeah. It's all good."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, totally. Why wouldn't I?" Jude nodded, and this time with more conviction. If he was able to convince his partner to settle with his opinion, maybe he could then believe his own words. "It's great, like, really good. I mean—" He took another long sip of water; the aftertaste was far too strong and awful. "—maybe I would put a bit less salt in it. But other than that," he shrugged as his smile returned to his features. That struggle and hurt from before had faded for the most part. "it was great, loved it, really."

"And you're sure about that?"

Jude noticed a smirk slowly settling across their lips, making his smile falter a bit. "Of course! Why wouldn't I—" His mouth fell open when he noticed the phone hidden by the knife rack. "No way! Why though?" He complained as he playfully shoved his partner who was in a small fit of laughter. The fact that he soon noticed the salt on the kitchen island behind them also didn't sit well with him, like he allowed himself to get played.

"It's just a bit of fun!" Calming down, sometime later or sooner, Y/N exhaled deeply as they got out their final laughs. "Why did you lie about that?"

"I feel like I have no room to judge your cooking skills with the ones I have," Jude admitted. He didn't cook or bake for them on the regular like Y/N did for him. If it wasn't them cooking or baking in the house, it was his mom, or their mom, or their sisters—honestly, anyone but him, even takeout beat him to it. It wasn't that he didn't try or that he was incapable in the kitchen. It was just for the best if he wasn't the one cooking. If there were other options than Jude then it would be for the better for everyone.

"Still though," they sighed, nudging him, "One day, which I hope never comes, I could accidentally do something wrong and you might just accept it."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, causing Y/N to laugh and Jude soon followed suit. And that was his denial voicing itself. They were right, and their friends were right; Jude was far too kind to criticise Y/N in any way, so much that he would accept their harmless mistakes without complaint. He wandered around the kitchen, aimlessly, "So if it actually doesn't taste like that, you think I could," shyly, Jude pointed to the pasta casserole, "you know?"

They couldn't help but roll their eyes, letting out a scoff. The appetite was still there and probably would remain for time to come. "Sure, why not?"

Offering him a small spoon of pasta sauce, making sure that it wasn't too hot, Y/N fed him the food. And there it all was, so clear and outstanding. His face grew with stunning delight, his eyes grew large with satisfaction as he dropped his head back, humming low. And there it was, that darling, darling smile of his, all at the cause of a sauce that Jude, personally, believed was cooked to perfection.

"You think I could try more of that?"

"Get changed, then we'll talk."

part 2

[lovejosephquinn]

Aight just hear me out okay so you bring joe over to mee your family okay you're still surprisingly in the honey moon stage can't keep it in your pants for a second well he's meeting the family and things are going great your parents love him you guys are having dinner and you say something like " daddy please pass me the hot sauce" joe & your dad both go to get it it can end how you like

STOP IT HAHAHA. These requests just legit keep getting better every day 🤣

I just wanted this to be a simple blurb for the reaction, I've seen TikTok videos where this happened and it's just hiliarious

Your wish is my command, thank you for your request x

Joe meeting your parents seemed to go well at first no matter how nervous he'd been for the inevitable moment; it was an evening that had been planned for the last week and you'd been building each other up for it every night leading up to it.

You'd engaged in a lot of light conversation as a foursome, them getting to know Joe better but not interrogating him too much as you'd politely requested, especially to your dad. As you were called by your mum from the kitchen to take your places at the dinner table, your dad stopped you when Joe walked out the room. He put his arm over your shoulder and gave you a slight squeeze "he's good for you Y/N." You gave your dad an appreciative smile back, nodding your head. "He's the best, daddy. I'm so glad you like him."

You joined Joe at the dining table, he was engaging in general chit chat with your mum. "Smells so good Mrs Y/L/N."

"I make a good roast Joseph; you'll never forget it."

"Please, Joe is fine." he smiled as you sat next to him. His hand leaning onto hold your thigh, tracing it slowly upward with his fingers making you shudder. You were very much at the stages of not keeping your hands off one another, but you'd warned him not to try anything at your parent's house in fear they'd notice, he kept his word that he wouldn't to a certain degree, but his actions broke that promise. You gave him a raised eyebrow, shoving his hand away by spreading your legs apart fast, his eyes shot down to them and made him suck his lips inward, sighing out his nose, you looked awfully delicious in your current position.

Your mum placed your plates in front of you after your dad had helped carry the food to the table. "Dig in everyone! Thanks for finally bringing Joe to meet us, it's been a delight" She smiled delightfully towards him.

"Likewise." Joe lifted his drink to her, beamed a toothy grin back at your mum.

The gravy boat was sat furthest away from you, and you were always taught good table manners, so you knew better than to reach over the food to grab it. "Daddy, can you please pass the gravy?"

Instantaneously, your dad's and Joe's hand reached for the handle, both of them halting at once staring each other down for what seemed like an eternity, their eyes doing all the talking for them. Your face was that of a mortified look watching between them both whilst your mums hand covered her mouth, and you couldn't help but hear the muffled bark of laughter that left her.

Your dad cleared his throat and shot your mum a look, making her shove her forkful of food into her mouth, looking towards you. "I hope you're joking." your dad mumbled.

You looked innocently back at your dad. "I don't know what you mean."

"You're 25 years old, you know exactly what I mean."

Joe snorted through his nose, finding the whole situation comical, your dad shot a forced smile back at you, yes, he was clearly embarrassed by the whole shocking ordeal, not ever wantin to know that this was his daughter's kink, which clearly made him sick to his stomach, but he had to accept that unfortunately you were a grown consenting adult in the honeymoon period with your new boyfriend.

You straightened your posture, sighing a relief that it didn't end up in a heated debate. "Joe, will you let my dad pass me the gravy?" Joe nodded, looking anywhere but at your dad, his eyes bulging out of his sockets. You'd never forget the night he met your parents.

[thania-keiji-gf]

when the first date of you and osamu. you two going to his recommended restaurant (actually his fav), because he want to showing you about how yummy the food there.

in restaurant, osamu letting you to looking at the menu first. plus he says you can order the foods as much as you want. he doesn't doing this with no reason. because when the waitress coming and you says your order, osamu will learn important things about you from that.

"i want two large size of sandwich, but can you don't put tomato sauce on it? just mayonaise and spicy sauce. because i have allergic with tomato."

"then, one waffle with ice cream—can you please don't add honey on it? in menu it says the waffle will serve with honey as garnish."

"last, i want one hot dog but can you please give extra mustard because i like it <3"

that. that things is main reason why osamu bring you to this restaurant, giving you the book of menu first, and letting you order everything you want.

yeah, that's all because he want to know what things of food you like and you don't like or having allergic with it. with this chance, osamu can understanding about food things on yourself. he need this, for really.

not for weird things, but osamu want he can cooks you food very well by avoiding ingredient that you don't like or adding extra ingredient which is your fav.

the little things like this always be important for him, because osamu loves cooks you a food.

no wonder, why he suddenly nods without any context after you done says your order. when you ask him what making he nods like that, osamu just shake his head slightly and looking at you with little smile.

"nothing, baby. just understanding about yourself."

"myself—what?"

"i said nothing, little onigiri."

after that first date, osamu very happy because he can understanding about the food you like or not.

whenever he bring you his homemade food for you, he never forget to put extra ingredient that you like & avoiding put the your allergic food. as he expected, you surprised about it and excited because how can he know about it. because you don't remember that you ever says your fav ingredient or your allergic food to him.

"i don't remember i ever talk about i love mustard so much to you samu."

looking at you eating his homemade food very fast because too enjoying. osamu can't hiding his smile, and slowly shake his head again before answering your simple question.

"i don't know, maybe because food is my love language for ya?"

thania's notes

simple samu's drabble for y'all <3! this is very -very fluff and i hope you will like this one hehe. thank you for reading, i'll appreciation for notas and reblogs. if i did a grammar mistake, please told me okay? English is not my first language, and i still learning it. hope you understand! thank u 💕

[pikaflute]

hi here's my food related headcanons for the dethklok gang + dethstaff. i love you. okay let's get started.

nathan: isn't really picky with food. he is weird with texture sometimes. like ew raw tomato? get that shit AWAY NOW. he usually will eat most things though. he likes trying new things as well. like they're in an another country on tour hes gonna get something new that hes never tried before. he loves spicy things. he will douse things in hot sauce just because he can. he can't cook to save his life BUT he can bake really well though. his mom taught him everything about baking.

pickles: he's a vegetarian. he says it offsets the whole drinking and drugs thing but i don't think that's how it works. anyway he still eats junk food. like he loves loves cinnamon buns so much, he is not stopping to eat anything else for breakfast no sirree. he also loves making food combos that offend god. he likes mayo with his pizza. he's going to hell. in terms of spice, he's a white dude from wisconsin, this dude is not eating spicy shit. as for cooking, he cooks really well and will cook for the band occasionally. if they aren't dicks to him that is.

charles: he's a pescatarian. mainly because he loves seafood but doesn't like the texture of other meat. he really enjoys seafood too, his faves are salmon, squid, and crab. he grew up in an italian and jewish household so you know that man was eating good as a kid. he kinda fucked his diet in college by eating garbage and ramen between his classes though. also he has a hidden sweet tooth. like you bring cookies near him he's taking like three. he's not a spice guy, usually, just a little bit to give it a kick. he can cook spaghetti. that's pretty much it.

murderface: loves meat stuff. he's the kinda guy who won't eat a meal unless he can shove meat into his mouth (NOT IN A GAY WAY). barbecue is his favorite thing ever, and he eats it any chance he gets. he's a messy eater but it's okay he can do what he wants i think. he's next to nathan with spice tolerance. he likes junk food as well, but one time he stole some from pickles and pickles literally tried to hamburger time him and the band cheered pickles on. charles wanted no part in that. he can also cook! he just never does because he's afraid of the band making fun of him.

skwisgaar: tbh hes a chicken fingies and fries at every restaurant kinda guy. he's got a very sensitive palate and doesn't eat most things. he does like very simple things that won't mess with his sensitive tummy. really likes cheese for some reason? like when they go on tour he'll always stop to see if they have some cheese he hasn't tried yet. he likes those charcuterie boards a lot. if you even asked him to try spice he would probably die. he can cook a nice soup. it's good soup. secret recipe though.

toki: when he first moved to America for dethklok he had a sensitive palate like skwisgaar. as time moved on, his taste grew and he wanted to eat as much stuff he could get his hands on. he still has some issues with food texture (and also being diabetic) and doesn't eat fish at all. he thinks they're too slimy. he also loves stealing food off his band members plates. asshole, he says he loves spice but when he has a little spice he is crying for some milk. he almost burned down the kitchen three times. nathan tackles him if he ever goes near the stove now.

abigail: she's also a pescatarian. yay charles and abigail bonding moments. shes very fond of clams and mussels, and she likes salmon. i also think she's on making herself a lunch everyday. she puts a lot of time into it (usually because she spends most of her time at work) and always tries to make it look nice. she handles spice pretty well like nathan and murderface but unlike those two she isn't downing her whole dish in hot sauce, moderation is key come on guys. obviously she can cook but never has the time to besides her lunches. after the whole doomstar incident she gets back into cooking as stress relief. its nice

knubbler: it's about 50/50. he likes a lot of food and also hates a lot of food. its the texture, the damn texture. they like weird food combos like pickles does. how can you not eat an orange but you'll put ranch on your eggs. is he doing this on purpose? yes. also his favorite food is breakfast food. breakfast food all the time please. spice tolerance is the same as toki's. yeah spice them up but dont mention the fact they're going to be crying in like 20 minutes. they can cook, but they cook like those old dishes from the 50s. the jellos with like tuna and mayo. is he doing this on purpose? yes.