#i don't know if it's a good one but it's all I can provide

[motherearthlovesus]

road head - theo nott

content warning: 18+, exhibitionism, praise/degradation, oral (m receiving), semi-public, hair pulling, face fucking, head pushing, gagging, swallowing

"everyone is asleep" theo pleads, one hand on the wheel with the other on your thigh. "plus im getting a bit sleepy, maybe this will help me stay awake"

"theo i really don't see how giving you road head is any safer than falling asleep at the wheel" you retort.

with the windows down the sharp breeze sliced through the warm thick air characteristic of a car baking in the sun all day. your hair occasionally whipping in your face as your arm hangs over the side of the nott family mercedes benz.

you turn around, double-checking that enzo, blaise, draco and pansy were all still soundly asleep. after such a long day at the beach you were surprised you weren't sleepier.

"aww, how precious" you grab your phone to snap a picture of enzo and blaise asleep with their heads resting against each other's, their mouths agape. a photo you were sure would provide valuable blackmail in the future. pansy's sleeping head was resting gracefully upon dracos shoulder which was somehow rigid even when asleep - the antithesis to blaise and enzo.

so that theo didn't have to take his eyes off the road, you show him the photo. he let out a small chuckle but you could tell his mind was elsewhere.

"earth to theo, earth to theo" you drawl as you wave a hand in front of his face.

"sorry baby" he replies blinking "i was thinking about the faces you make when my face is buried in your pussy."

blushing, you shift to face him - you can't help but press your thighs together as you do so. with your back now pressing against the window, you keep one leg on the floor and stretch the other across to his lap. as your foot grazes his cock, your stomach flutters at the hard girth of it.

"someone's changed their mind, have they?" theo gloats with that cocky grin that has made your panties drop so many times before.

"well it is rather boring with everyone asleep back there" you crooned continuing to caress his cock with your foot.

"boring am i?" theo said, feigning insult.

"oh shush" you huffed rolling your eyes, the redness in your cheeks betraying your cool demeanour. "do you want me to suck or cock or not?"

"hold the wheel bambina" theo answered almost immediately.

you didn't have time to protest as he let go of the wheel to pull his shorts down to his knees freeing his massive, throbbing erection.

"you're insane, you know that?" you scoff, as he regains control of the steering wheel.

"you love it" theo purrs as you look into the back seat to check one last time. theo's ability to tease you had always been your undoing, and this moment was no exception.

you bend forward, your lips brushing over the tip of his cock in the lightest of kisses while you start to slowly stroke the length of his cock. he lets out a low groan of pleasure, his hips twitching slightly as you start to suck his cock with enthusiasm.

"cazzo" theo hisses, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he fights the urge to grab your head and force you down, to bury himself deep in your warm, inviting mouth until he hits the back of your throat.

"shh - eyes on the road," you whisper, glancing up at him with a wicked smile. drawing as much saliva into your mouth as you can, you take him further into your mouth, the car's engine purring steadily beneath you, blending with the rustling breeze from the open windows.

"you look so fucking hot with your lips stretched around me, baby"

theo's eyes snap back to the road, his jaw clenching tight. but your tantalising smile and the sensation of you taking him deeper, engulfing more of his aching length in the wet heat of your mouth, makes it nearly impossible for him to concentrate on anything but the pleasure radiating from his cock.

"that's it, puttana," he mutters, his voice sounding strained. "so fucking good."

the praise gives you a rush of satisfaction, encouraging you to hollow your cheeks and swirl your tongue along his length. unable to restrain himself, theo grips your hair tightly, holding you in place as he starts to grind his hips up into your face, forcing his throbbing cock deeper down your spasming throat. your eyes water and you gag silently, but he doesn't stop. if anything, your choking and sputtering only spurs him on.

he starts to pick up speed, fucking your face with quick, sharp thrusts. “merlin,” he hisses through clenched teeth, glancing briefly down at you before his gaze snaps back to the road. theo's cock throbs and pulses in your tight throat, swelling even larger before his release. "don't spill a fucking drop. drink down every bit of my cum like a good slut."

theo pushes your head down and holds it there, grinding his pelvis hard against your face as he explodes in your throat. his cock jerks and twitches, pumping thick, warm spurts of cum directly down your throat.

"that's my girl" theo said with a shudder, his hand gripping your hair tightly as he rode out his climax.

you swallowed every bit, savouring the salty tang and the satisfaction of seeing theo completely undone. as you pull back, you wipe the corner of your mouth with a smug smile, your eyes meeting his.

“still sleepy?” you tease, your voice light and playful.

theo’s laugh was hoarse, his eyes dark with lingering hunger as he reached over to squeeze your thigh. “not even close, bambina. but just wait until we get home. you’re not walking straight tomorrow.”

------------------

would that be unrealistically loud & wake everyone up? yes. do i care? no.

im back?? i didnt plan on taking a hiatus but the new year period was just so draining i couldn't even put 3 words together.

i missed you all so much 😽 and as always comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated 🤍

[bbyquokka]

drunk

– jeongin is drunk - in more ways than one .ᐟ.ᐟ

pairing | yang jeonging x fem reader

genre | established relationship , smut – 18+ is strongly advised!

cw | jeongin is drunk , explicit language , face sitting , oral (f rec) , breast play , masturbation (m) , face riding , 'girl' is used , unprotected penetration

words | 2.7k ~ ( 2,776 )

notes | another piece i wrote when i went on a break! i dont write for jeongin enough :( i hope u all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it!

m.list — tag list — you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

soft grunts and groans from beside you fill the space of the car you're currently driving.

the streets are somewhat quiet. the headlights from cars passing by blinding you but the night is calm and quiet which, for a saturday, is unusual.

what's even more unusual is for you to be driving around in your boyfriend's expensive car, with him being drunk and groaning in the passenger seat. his eyes closed as his temple rests against the cold glass of the window, providing some cooling relief to his sweat coated skin.

jeongin, chan, seungmin and hyunjin decided that tonight's the night that they’d go out and have a ‘lads night.’

you don't mind jeongin going out. you trust that he (and his friends) will care and look out for one another. you trust that, when one has one too many, they will stop it from becoming a disaster.

and that is the case for you.

jeongin can handle his drink–to some extent. chan texted you urging you to pick up your not-so sober boyfriend from the club, claiming that jeongin has had one too many shots and alcohol his body can handle.

“feels good.” you stop at a red light to look at your hazy boyfriend. his usual well-kempt hair is disheveled. a beautiful pink haze sits pretty on his glowy, sweat stained skin.

“what feels good, baby?”

“i love you, you know that right?” he mumbles, ignoring your question. you laugh softly and nod.

“i know. i love you too.”

“really?” he lifts his head up from the cold glass, his eyes wide and glistening, like a love sick puppy.

“really. forever and always, remember.” jeongin nods and leans over, hooking his long pinky finger with yours.

“pinky promise.”

“pinky promise.” you repeat with a smile. jeongin sits back in his seat, a grin adorning his facial features and making his eyes crinkle at the corners.

“i’m one lucky man, yn. i’m the luckiest man in this entire world! no.. wait, galaxy!” as the red light switches to green, you start to drive as you listen to your loved one babble on with himself.

after a few minutes of babbling, it falls silent. the only sound is the roar of the car engine and passing vehicles. you think nothing of the silence, until a few small breathy pants ring in your ears.

maybe he is sleeping? is your first thought until you hear a low, guttural grunt. your ears perk up at the sound. you quickly glance to the side. you can only see jeongin slouching in his seat, his head hanging low with his chin tucked into his chest, hair hiding his face.

you focus on the road. the roads may be quiet but that's no excuse to act stupid.

“hurts.” jeongin pants, his voice strained a little. you panic a little.

“what hurts, baby?”

“yn.. it hurts.” he mumbles. he looks up at you to catch your gaze but you keep your eyes on the road. “yn.. help me. please.”

his usual soft voice is now laced with desperation; like he is begging for you.

“tell me what hurts, darling.” is it his stomach? he is drunk after all, so maybe he needs you to pull over.

“help me.” he begs, on the verge of tears. you drive to a nearby car park, shutting off the engine and taking off your belt.

you look at jeongin. the pink haze has now turned red, spreading to his ears. his eyes are hazy and glassy. lips glistening from the saliva.

“baby.. are you ok?” you lean over to him, placing your hand on his thigh gently. he tenses under your touch. 

“hurting.” he repeats. his breathing slowly becoming short and laboured.

“your stomach? if you need to throw up, it's ok to baby.” you squeeze his thigh as reassurance but that causes jeongin to let out a soft grunt and tense more under your hand.

“no.” he huffs, his patience running very thin. “it hurts.” you stare at him, utterly confused. with a huff, jeongin grabs your hand that's on his thigh and places it on his crotch.

“oh. oh!” his cock is straining against the rough material of his black jeans. he bucks his hips in the palm of your hand for some sort of friction but it's not enough to suffice and feed this hunger he has. “why.. how?”

“i..i dont know. i just… looked at you and now i feel so hot and bothered.” his chest rises up and down fast. he squirms in his seat, pulling at the fabric of his shirt as a way of saying ‘get it off me’

“i want to see you.” his eyes scan you, undressing and eating you up. you feel bashful and aware of his prying eyes. he takes his seatbelt off and struggles to unbuckle the belt of his own jeans. “take them off.”

“excuse me?” you stutter. 

“take them off. your pants. off. please. i want to see you, yn.”

“we're in public, jeongin. anyone can see us!” you stumble over your words.

“the windows are tinted.” he states. an argument you lose in an instant. you can't deny, however, that his request has left you feeling a little tingly in the pit of your stomach. “please.”

you nod, giving in to him; as always. you take off your pants, throwing them to the side. jeongin watches you, eyes never leaving you as he licks his lips hungrily.

“c’mer.” rough hands grab your waist and pull you onto his lap. you have no option but to situate your legs on either side of him. his large hands reach behind you to grab the soft flesh of your ass.

“mhm.. missed you.” he murmurs as he massages, squeezes and plays with your ass cheeks. you chew your bottom lip gently, your body twitching every now and then. he buries his head in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. more guttural groans erupt from the back of his throat as he takes in mouthfuls of your scent. “smells good”

“we should go home. you're drunk.” you say in an attempt to stop him. 

“’m fine.” he states. “just want to touch you some more, that's all.” his lips start to pepper kisses along the skin of your neck. they’re soft and gentle at first, but they’re quick to turn into hot, wet open mouth kisses where he leaves behind marks in the form of purple bruises and teeth.

“then can we go home?” you struggle to say due to you slowly losing your composure as jeongin attacks you sweet spots. his large hands playing and fondling with your ass cheeks, occasionally disappearing under the fabric of your t-shirt to stroke your growing hot skin.

“maybe. or maybe i’ll just devour you right here, right now.” he purrs. you shuffle on his lap to get comfy, your core throbbing and stomach tingling. your fingers dig into his shoulder blades as a way to help ground yourself.

“devour me? how?” you play dumb. your body tingles with pleasure. your core is throbbing and you can feel your slick being soaked up by your panties, creating an embarrassing wet spot.

“like this.” his seat falls back, taking you with him. in one swift moment, he manhandles you onto his face so you're straddling him. his large hands on your thighs, gripping them with force.

“baby!” you peer down at your hazy boyfriend, his head between your legs. you feel his breath fanning against your clothed core, the dampness in your panties intensifying with each puff of air.

“what?” he says nonchalantly. 

“you're unbelievable!” you squeak in embarrassment. the lewd position you're in makes you feel bashful; even though it's not your first time like this with him but it is a first in public.

“and you smell good.” he groans. his long finger trails from your thigh, to your inner thigh and to your clothed core. he presses his finger against your core, against the wet patch on the fabric and hums in satisfaction.

“you're wet.” he states, feeling somewhat cocky and proud. “i haven't done anything and you're wet.”

“s-shut up! you don't have to state it. gosh, this is so embarrassing.” you whine.

“not embarrassing. hot. so fucking hot. you have no idea the effect you have on me, yn.” he peers up at you, his foxlike eyes boring into your soul. he turns his head slightly, planting open mouth kisses on your inner thigh, closing in on your core.

he runs his finger in between your folds, adding a bit of pressure when his finger bumps against your now swollen clit. with each bump, your thighs jerk and twitch. jeongin can feel you throb against his finger.

his own cock throbs at the sight, touch and smell of you. it's begging to be free–and it will be in due time.

“wanna taste.” he mumbles as he hooks his finger on one side of your panties and pulls the flimsy fabric to the side. if it wasn't for his patience being paper thin, he would’ve ripped them off you. the very sight and smell of you is driving him insane and it hurts. the cold air mixes and hits your slick folds, making you gasp. “holy fuck.” 

you watch your hazy boyfriend lick his lips as if he is about to devour a meal. he brings your hips forward a little more. you buck at the sudden contact of his warm and wet tongue being pressed against your cunt.

“j-jeongin.” you moan out softly. he grabs the hem of your t-shirt, bringing it up to your lips.

“hold this.” he instructs against your folds. you bite down on your t-shirt, the fabric rises up and exposes your soft stomach and breasts.

his tongue is back on your cunt, lapping your slick and core like a dog lapping up water. he sucks and kisses your clit, rubbing the swollen bud occasionally with the tip of his tongue.

he grips onto your ass, pulling you down on his face more. you worry that you might crush him and try to resist but his strength overpowers you. 

hot open mouth kisses on your cunt. jeongin slurping and panting like a dog in heat. his hips bucking in the air as he eats you, gathering your slick on his tongue. he whimpers and moans at the taste, his rough hands keeping all your weight on his face as you crush his skull.

your legs tense around him several times. his tongue slips between your folds and into your core. jeongin is a mess. a panting, pussy drunk mess as he tongue fucks your core until you’re sobbing. 

once confident that you’re going to keep all your weight on him, he removes his hands from your ass. his large hands slide up the softness of your stomach to under your breasts where he grabs them roughly, one in each hand, to squeeze and toy with them.

your moans are muffled by your t-shirt. a damp patch forming from your saliva as you struggle to keep the fabric between your lips. your hands have found their way to jeongin's hair, pulling and tugging at the strands.

the air in the car is thick. the windows misting over with condensation. you don't want to be loud but you want to be at the same time.

the thrill of knowing that you're in public, having you pussy eaten by your boyfriend who is completely pussy drunk and fucked out because of you makes you tingle.

one of jeongin's hands leaves your breast to reach behind you. you hear him fumbling with his jeans, struggling to unbutton and unzip them. he grunts in frustration before lifting his hips up to pull down his jeans and underwear halfway down his thighs.

he shivers as his hand wraps around the base of his throbbing cock. he squeezes a few times before rubbing his thick, veiny cock. he treats himself by rubbing his pink head with his thumb, smearing the over flowing pre cum around his sensitive head.

he's a mess. you're a mess. his chin and lips are coated in saliva and slick. your body is hot and coated in sweat. the stimulation of everything is too much for you. you feel light and woozy but you don’t want the pleasure to stop. jeongin tries to time the strokes of his hand with the thrusts of his tongue inside you but he fails quickly, becoming uncoordinated and sloppy.

“not gonna last long. ’m sensitive.” he mumbles. you nod, unable to speak as you feel the same. your stomach is tight, a knot forming very quickly. his tongue leaves your hole to lick between your folds, his nose bumping against your clit.

you're just a sobbing mess. tears spilling for the corners of your eyes. your thighs crushing his skull. hands not knowing where to be placed for stability so you settled with one hand on the roof of the car and the other on the window, leaving a handprint behind in the condensation.

your only thought is how much (and how badly) you want to cum.

jeongin is no different. his cock is hot to the touch. tip sensitive and begging to be inside you. his hand isn't enough for him to feel satisfied and he knows it, but he wants to wait until he gets home to have his way with you.

“close.” he groans. as you open your mouth to talk, your t-shirt falls back down.

“m-me too.. oh fuck, me too.” you kick your head back, succumbing to the pleasure. you rock your hips a little on jeongin's face, a smirk on his face as he watches you lose yourself in the pleasure he's providing.

“you're so fucking hot, yn. look at you riding my face like a good girl.” his words are muffled but it's loud enough for you to hear. you can't respond however, just nod and moan at his words..

“feels good. feels so good, baby. wanna cum.”

“want to cum on my face? make a mess outta me?”

“yes. i do. want to make a mess on you.” you beg.

“go ahead. do it. cum for me, yn.” the coil in your stomach tightens and snaps. your thighs shake as your orgasm hits you hard, knocking the air out of your lungs and making you see stars. you cry out his name like a mantra, jeongin lapping at your core to catch your essence that spills from you.

his hand picks up in pace before soon, his own hips buck and cock throbs as he cums onto his own hand and stomach. slow, languid strokes of his cock to help ride out his high as he licks you clean before the high subsides; leaving you both breathless and exhausted.

you lift yourself up and off his face the best your jelly legs can muster. you look down at him, shivering as that look in his eyes from earlier is still there.

“we need to go home. now.” he instructs in urgency.

“are you ok?” 

“no. i’m not. it still hurts, yn.” you look behind you to see his hand still stroking his cock, which has failed to go soft from his orgasm; but now it's angry. sticky sounds emit from his cock as he uses his own mess to stroke himself.

“jeongin…” you start only to be cut off.

“yn. i don't think you understand the urgency of my situation. if you don't drive home right this second, i am going to drag you onto my lap and fuck you until you can't walk in the morning.” 

you swallow at his words. they go straight to your core. 

“that.. doesn't sound like a bad idea..” you mumble, looking at your, now somewhat sober, boyfriend.

“i don't think you un–”

“no, i understand.” you mumble, removing his hand from his cock. you shimmy down to line yourself up, holding the base and rubbing his tip between your soaked folds. “and i don't mind. we've come this far, so why stop now?”

“...fuck.” he holds onto your waist as you slowly lower yourself onto his member. his size stretches you, and because of your earlier orgasm, you're tighter than usual. 

he hisses as he shieths himself in your tight cunt. the warmth and tightness makes him stop breathing for a nanosecond. he watches his length disappear and become encapsulated with delicious warmth.

“just know–hng, fuck!–just know that you can't go back on your words. it's going to be a long night for you, yn.”

[silent-hill-2-official]

Apologies for necro-posting, but I looked through the notes and while people have given you some pros and cons, no one actually walked you through getting it up and running, and I might as well give my best shot at helping someone evacuate from windows 11, so here is the Jack Joy's Explanation and Guide to Linux. Chapter 0: The Pitch for the Penguin.

Linux is all about freedom. While Windows and MacOS are Walled Gardens that are slowly stripping away control from their users and extracting more and more from you, the person who is using a non-linux OS, Linux does not do that shit. Free and Open Source Software is the name of the game in Linux, as that is what is mostly being developed in that space by an army of volunteers passionate about keeping the PC personal. That comes with some caveats though. A lot of the software you use is proprietary, and while some of that is still available on Linux, most of it is not. Some you'll expect. Some you wouldn't think is even proprietary and will surprise you when you lose access to it. The Linux community has done it's best to provide solutions for a lot of these, and you will find that a lot of what you want to use has some alternative in linux, but some things will just be fucked. You trade convenience for control.

Chapter 0.5: When you are a King very few choices are simple

If the Pitch convinced you, then congrats, you now have one of the hardest decisions to make as a Linux User. What Distribution of Linux are we using? Distributions (or Distro's for short) are all different OS' who run on the Linux Kernel, the thing that gives your machine thought and makes it possible to run the hit video game Team Fortress 2 (2007). There are a lot of distributions of linux, all of which do weird things with it, but my personal Picks are as follows.

Linux Mint

Linux Mint is the gold standard for stupid simple linux distro. It just works*, it comes with a DE(desktop Enviroment) that is reminiscent of windows 7 so adjustment should be minimal and overall, is very uncomplicated. Is a bit bland tho. *(things still break sometimes).

Ubuntu

Ubuntu meanwhile you probably already heard of. Think of it as the MacOS of Linux. It has the most company support, it's DE called GNOME is very MacOS like in it's design language, incredibly stable, but also very poor in customization. If something says tested on linux, a lot of the time, it means tested on Ubuntu.

EndeavourOS

EndeavourOS is my linux distribution of choice. It's based off of Arch Linux, which is what powers the Steamdeck with SteamOS, and as such has a lot of nifty Arch linux niceties, like the Arch User Repository, and KDE Plasma as it's DE. It tries to combine being user friendly while letting you tinker with everything, it is on the cutting edge of linux, but that also means that stuff CAN break more often.

These are just my picks. Some other notable beginner friendly Linux Distros that might pique your interest could be Pop_Os, Manjaro, Elementary OS and probably a bunch of others that I forgot or don't even know exist until someone will complain at me for forgetting after writing this guide. Choice my friend. You have a lot of it, and so think about what you want from your PC and go with the distro that seems to be best suited for your usecase, whether it be as a game machine or to just use firefox and libreoffice.

Chapter 1: Performing OS Replacement Therapy on your PC

So, you know what Linux Distro you are gonna use, you know you are ready to do this, so how are we doing this? Pretty simple in all honesty. We only need:

A Flash drive (USB preferred, SD or micro SD card readers can get FUNKY)

Balena Etcher

The ISO of the flavor of Linux you want to use

Some knowledge of how to navigate your computers BIOS

And preferably a secondary boot device (IE, a second SSD in your PC)

Plug your USB into your PC, and with Balena Etcher flash your ISO onto it. If you got another USB to spare, it is a good idea to flash an image of Windows 7 onto it. Think of that second USB stick as a "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" type of safety precaution. We don't wanna have to use it, but it's good to have just in case. Reboot your PC with your Linux flashed USB stick in, and get into your BIOS. There you are going to pull that USB stick up the boot loader until it goes before windows. If that is somehow not an option, you might have to fuck around with your PC as there might be some secure boot shennanigans going on. Consult DuckDuckGo about your specific Computer, someone already figured it out if there is a hiccup. If you were able to pull up your USB up the boot order, exit the BIOS and hopefully things should be happening. To confirm look at the screen and if it does something new (and potentially scary looking) instead of the normal windows boot sequence, it is probably doing good. After a while you should be spat back out into a "Live Enviroment" version of your OS. This version of the OS exists only for this boot, and is pulled from your USB stick. There should be an installer inside of that live enviroment version of your OS, after which it is mostly smooth sailing. Follow the Installer, but pay REAL GOOD ATTENTION to what it is sayin when it asks you where it wants to be installed, as it will create a partition somewhere on your PC. If you have a PC with an SSD that isn't being used by windows, I recommend giving it that as you'll just be able to give that entire drive to Linux without problem. If you don't have an extra SSD, you will have to cleave a chunk from the one drive you have from windows. You can just give it 50% of the drive if you want to be conservative and still retain the ability to go back to windows. But should you feel particularly pissed/want to make sure you have no escape back to windows without having to reinstall it via that second USB stick, then torch the damn thing. Once the Installer is done it will either ask you to reboot your PC or just do it itself. After which point if everything went right, you will complete your first boot of Linux and end up in the actual version of the OS you installed. If you made it there, congratulations, and welcome to Linux. You might want to update the first time you boot, but after that, feel free to poke around to see what you have installed. Get Acquainted with your new Desktop, use some of the artisanal software that is FOS, if you are feeling spicey, run some commands in the terminal (as long as you know what they do. please do not run sudo rm -rf / because you saw it on a funny linux meme, that will uninstall your entire OS.) I hope this Guide has been helpful ^w^.

Hey. Gonna gamble here. Can someone explain to me the pros and cons of Linux as a whole and tell me maybe -possibly- how one might go about getting something set up

[jelloapocalypse]

Last question I've got for you, has there ever been a reason why there isn't more continuously-available Epithet merch on Creator Spring? It's always struck me as odd that you haven't gone for more stuff like shirts, stickers, and buttons.

The honest answer to this is that I just do not like merch.

I'm a really environmentally-conscious person and frankly there just aren't a lot of merch options out there that aren't objectively kind of bad for the environment. Even t-shirts and plushies are pretty dicey in the long-run due to textile waste.

Print-on-demand services have a lighter carbon footprint, but they're usually poor quality. I don't mind Spring for posters or prints, but their t-shirts feel cheap. I don't like wearing them myself, so I don't want to promote them to other people. It makes me feel like I'm lying to my fans or trying to rip them off. One-time campaigns like the dolls are fine, but they are, by nature, one-and-done.

You might not know this if you haven't been A Content Creator(tm) in a post-2020 world, but we get emails and offers from all these horrible companies literally nonstop asking for merch opportunities. I got six today alone. There's a huge subculture of scummy merch providers who can't wait to help you rip off as many people as possible. It's poisoned my opinions on merch even more.

Additionally, merch is exhausting to promote. Every single campaign is 5-7 days of emailing and planning minimum and then a little dedicated promotional video. "Well, you don't have to make a video Jello". Oh yeah I do. People miss these things even when I do promote them. If their only heads up is a tweet or an email from the website subscription letter, nobody's going to buy them, and that usually means a failed campaign if if I have to hit a threshold.

It's worth mentioning that "the Epithet team" is just me. I'm the one guy who has to oversee literally everything. And if I'm having trouble keeping official print runs of the actual book on store shelves, which I am right now, I don't feel like it's a good use of my time to start selling extra stuff while the series languishes.

The only piece of merch I've ever made that I thought was pretty cool was the Molly hoodies because they were interesting and custom made. The dolls are okay.

I'd like to release a blu-ray set for Epithet some time in the future so people can have a physical version of the media. Other than that, I'm hesitant. I know people want more merch. I just hate making it.

[thydungeongal]

Hello hi!

I have decided that I want to toss my dnd party into a dungeon, but I am struggling with design. In terms of the "who built the dungeon? What is the dungeon for? Who populates the dungeon?" etc etc I know all that, and I feel confident in my ability to Flavour it (although your advice to put a gollum guy down there was very helpful, looking forward to that), but I was wondering if you had any tips as to deciding physical layout. It's a big nest built into the walls of a bottomless pit by creatures from the far realm with unknowable goals, and I'm not experienced in dungeon design, so I'm having difficulty deciding things like "how many entrances there should be" and "how chambers should be laid out" and "how many connections should each chamber have to others" and "how to I make this an interesting semi-maze that will provide both meaningful route decisions without being so large and complex that my players spend three months of sessions eating psychedelic moss down there". I also worry about spending time designing intricate rooms and puzzles only for them to never be explored. Thank you for your time!

So, I'm going to start with the "worrying about spending too much time designing too many rooms that characters never explore:" don't worry about it! Even if your party never ends up exploring a certain room, that prep need not be wasted, because you can just reappropriate it for future content!

Anyway, I don't have any universal truths to give about how to structure the dungeon, but here are a few:

Multiple paths. As @imsobadatnicknames2 put it recently, if the party can pick two random rooms on the map and there is only one single path they can take from one to the other your dungeon is so restrictive in its structure that it really doesn't count as a dungeon.

But characters should be able to make informed decisions: if each branch is just two featureless corridors at a crossroads, then the party might as well be picking random directions. There are many ways to telegraph future content (sounds, signs, smells, etc.) and thus give meaning to the decisions.

One well-known entrance is good to start with, but if this is a dungeon you want the group to explore in multiple forays consider adding a few more that can be discovered through exploration (either of the dungeon itself or the wilderness outside of it). These also make great shortcuts for skipping levels of the dungeon that the party no longer wants to revisit.

But yeah, this is not an exact science. I might add a few links to a couple of articles once I can think of them.

[cherie-doll]

Could we please have a part 2 on the vampire cod men + victorian era + vampires.

Maybe with reader moving to the countryside abd being the towns new school teacher instead?

yep! link to first part is here for anyone who hasn't read it

i rlly wanna write a whole fic off of this plot i've built up bc i have SO MUCH LORE but idk how it'll fare

𓆩♡𓆪 Headcanon: Them As Vampires #2

 ๋࣭♱ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

Price

The ripples of hysteria that had been caused by what the people believed were vampires preying on vulnerable people could barely be felt in the countryside, he had resided here for some time, surely there was no need for caution here

He was respected among neighbors, honored for his service in the past and now lived rather peacefully under protection of the wealth he had acquired in his youth

You had become an interesting individual who had dismantled his idyllic life, you were youthful, so full of vigor and life being around the children and instructing them

He sensed maturity and sagacity from you, and you revived what he thought had been dormant for a long time; lust and violent devotion, the need to possess and protect you

And passing through the final threshold you'll see he is actually the gentlest, using his many years of wisdom to guide you, convincing you to settle with him and despite the tumult you've found yourself in by being the muse of multiple vampires, he'll provide all the support and help you need to pursue your passion of teaching

Now, when accepting a vampire's offer, you must be very careful, for you may end up indebted with them and their requests may seem unreasonable, but he is not cruel, he only requires you to lend him your love for one lifetime, to save him from his many long years of solitude, that's all he asks of you

Ghost

Here was the worst of the unsalvageable, the damned, the condemned and the poor, forgotten souls of the departed beings trapped on earth, he was barely a person; a remnant and a corpse

He despises himself due to the curse he was to live with for eternity lest something put him out of his misery, the cycle of turning others into that he was; a monster, a corpse, a despicable creature

Yet the first moment he saw you, he knew he needed you, that overpowering sense of going after what called for him, he wanted you to understand his pain, of being different from everyone else because of an ugly past

It's not like you to be frightened but the scare he gave you on the first encounter was one that could have had you turning away from him had you not seen him in a moment of weakness, him doubled over, pain overtaking him, in his wild and crazed state you saw how forlorn his eyes were, half-starved was he and all you could do was observe his erratic breathing

you want to know his thoughts, you don't want him to hide any longer and to live as he's never lived before

He too, is drawn in by your soft nature, in this isolated pocket of earth, hidden from the bustling of crowds in town, you have all the time in the world to heal him, all you did was show sympathy and he took and he learned to not seize it as if you were to never offer it again but ask for it in return

Soap

He considers his bloodline irrelevant to his value, disregarding the riches his family has wanted to hand down for him to manage but he knows that as the eldest and with an eternity ahead of him, he'll be held down by earthly possessions from doing what he truly desires

He'll be more than pleased to donate some of that money to you without his family's knowledge so you can use it to give the poor children an opportunity to study without their having to pay, he knows a good natured person when he sees one, you're more good than all those bloody guilty and deceitful men who can walk by a starving child and only tip their hat in greeting

Just as he spends a great amount of time studying plants he finds himself wanting to learn more about you, observing every detail and habit of yours as if another species to learn about, he wishes he could take you home like he has done with many of his plants and keep you under his watchful eyes constantly

Stepping into his rather large estate can prove difficult due to the overgrown plants stretching and overtaking the place, they have crawled up the walls and creep into cracks which can easily get you lost if you were to enter alone

He'll give over any amount of money if you agree to have dinner with him as he gets rather lonely in his grand place he's inherited, he was to get a wife along with the passing down of the estate but he declined saying he already had his eye set on someone

Gaz

He's the most passion driven soul you've come across, his entire being emits warmth and sincerity, never would you have guessed he was half cold had he not told you so

His douceur nature is what attracts you to him, more tightly bound is this simple gesture than honeyed words of seduction which are commonly used by vampires for their victims, but his human half does not allow him to be completely consumed by carnal desire

Despite his better judgement he spends many evenings with you past what is proper of "good company" only, knowing sooner or later you'll grow curious at the mask he wears to hide what truly pains his soul, you seem to so easily read his emotions from his work as an artist

It captivates you how beautifully he can compose a dulcet song or write the pains of his melancholy on bloodstained paper, you want to mend the anguished heart within him before his sanity deteriorates and the madness awakes and takes away the human in him struggling to live with this feeling of alienation from being different from both halves

The only solace he knew before you was getting lost in the hills of this quiet countryside scenery and taking in all of what is good for the tortured senses, standing in silence to marvel at the moving clouds and sky, but now he is glad to find someone who is not only passionate about learning but also teaches the young children

Roach

How cruel had fate been to thrust him into this unchangeable course for the remainder of his days, it is terrible knowing there is something sinister living inside of you just waiting to claw out and shed your old skin, when he just wishes to live his idyllic life which is why he's even moved out to the countryside in the first place, town is no place for him, especially not a vampire

He wishes for a somewhat normal life, he sees you can your ability to be loving without being afraid of of the repercussions, he seeks the very things that may destroy him in the end if he does not learn to proceed with discretion

He is a fledgling; his lack of expertise and experience prevent him from going on with his life normally, finding it extremely hard to find the rhythm of this merry go round without the help of the sire who turned him this beast of blood

The fear upsets his heart as he ruminates on it but with time and your showing him how to prevent it from getting to him release his mind from the prison he's set for himself, he devotes his care to helping as best as he can to others

He finds a lively imagination that he can use to his benefit and it is this animated spirit that demonstrates how much he wants to live despite the cold in his body

Alejandro

He's felt a growing need to seek sanctuary in things that other vampires are unlikely to show an interest in, while others may seek riches and wealth he seeks power through ways people may be less heedful of

Just like him, humans will seek the approval of something, someone greater than their kind, and no matter how many times he is thrown away into the abyss to be forgotten he will dig through and find a way to live and make something out of himself

He just wants to avoid being forgotten about, and he is especially interested in how you are able to so easily make a place for yourself in this little countryside small town without making so much of a commotion, you quietly slipped and fell into a constant pace without clawing at anyone or having to bare your teeth

But for him to know this he must first step down from the podium he's positioned himself upon and learn to live in control of his sinful nature, the recollection of his nature and controlling it is still something he must come to terms with, especially if he's outside of the strict environment he's hidden away in for years

In time he learns to treasure those moments that will wither away with the people if he does not let them sink into his mind as he cradles your reassuring hand in his palm, enveloping your hand to remember the everlasting feeling of what amity must feel like

Rudy

He'll gently hold and savor every moment with you in his hands because chances like these only come once in an eternity, with a life like yours which is so fleeting you must allow him to admire and keep this to himself, it is not jealousy if he worries about you

Your unchanging smile that beams a little brighter for him than the others is more than enough to prove to him that there is light in the world he has seen so enclosed in darkness and seclusion, that there is no reason to hide away like all his other companions do

It is like a new world unfolding in his mind as he gets to know you, how marvelous it feels when you allow him to gaze into your eyes full of liveliness unlike the dimmed eyes he's been accustomed to seeing, you are alleviating to him like the cool shade on an overbearing summer's day

To him, it is such a beautiful thing to witness life from a human's perspective, because life for them is so fleeting and fast anything that happens is worth waiting for, unlike the same routine based lifestyle he's had to put up with for he doesn't even know how long, he only wishes to know simplicity

He is glad to finally have found someone as deserving of love to value nurturing he had kept within him for years

Phillip Graves

Will you choose the man everyone advises you not to go with? Even the undead seem to avoid him and he has few who outright declare to know him, obviously against your better judgement you will because you know no better, he has that tantalizing manner of luring you in

In a moment where you are alone, he finds you, soon as your eyes meet there already is a whole evening's worth of conversing said between the both of you and it's as if he is able to easily control your inquisitiveness to lead you astray from everyone who wishes to protect you and walk right into his arms

"It's all lies, darling" he whispers into your ear when you express worry of what others may think, truly you mustn't believe them, they just don't like outsiders, and he's been one in every place he's been to, seemingly hated or disliked by everyone except you, you make him feel welcome in your home, or so he says

There is now a tether between you and him, a bond unable to be broken so you may never want to be apart from him, why when he has everything you need in this life and the next?

Makarov

It seems death itself follows you no matter where you go, once someone in the family has been in close contact with a vampire, it is hard for the vampire to leave the members of the family alone, for it hopes to find another impressionable heart to overpower and you have been the one with the susceptible heart

He asks you to ignore all the ignorant fools, they're far too brash to bask in your kindness that you give too easily, he is by far the one you are scolded at for even thinking of going near, there have been many rumors of what he does to those who are too naive, those poor victims who have been discarded, their veins sucked dry

He could easily make you surrender completely to him, but you have placed yourself under his care so benevolently that he has felt no need to forcefully subject you to him, with your gentle caress you have made him tremble and quiver out of what can be the closest thing to love as a vampire can experience

And it is with this fragility that you have found in his heart, that you now are in control of him, what happens next is determined whether you will let it taint you by reciprocating the manner in which he has approached you or will you show it purely

Keegan

He has no interest in what humans have got to offer, he finds their existence pitiful if all their efforts are in vain for they do not live very long, he holds a certain hatred for those who are greedy and succumb to every want of theirs

Yet, you arrive without any evil in your heart and you present yourself without filter to hide your intentions, he is curious of this when most of what he's known is greed from others, he keeps mostly to himself and is rarely involved in the affair of others

Still, curiosity is a vampire's greatest weakness, he stalks you nightly to know your persona, he is there to see your disposition in helping others, your kind heart when helping the children, you've displayed more fondness than a mother

In the light of the moon he becomes aware of his senses, the turmoil soon to brew under the stars that will watch as he divulges under susurrus that catch softly in the wind and drift into your room at night through the window; the whispers of confession that you don't quite catch while awake but rather find a way to manifest in your dreams, not sure if they are a nightmare or of a terrifying reality

His deep eyes that catch the light from the candles illuminating the room as he silently observes you

König

Despite the relationship between their countries, there still seems to be some sort of tension between König and the other vampires, the alliance they once had had begun weakening and he is distrusted, just when he is ready to completely untangle himself from this mess you drew him in

Gathering all the violent tension within him and burning it away, letting his rage dwindle and water it down to nothing in the pure night where no one can observe and reprove of him

You soak him in unfathomable amounts of amour and he does not find it within him to bite back, his breath catches in his throat at this feeling he cannot name, he can barely imitate you as a meager way of loving back

You sacrifice all the love you can give for him and he marvels at how you are able with so little you have received in life to give it up to an immortal being who's lived for so long yet received so little

He holds your hand to his face, closing his eyes to remember these moments of a mortal and to not let them be erased by the wind which can so easily take

Horangi

Your curiosity shall surely be the end of you, you spoke to a gentleman at a function for one night and now he's always lurking around you whether you like it or not, you don't even know of it

A vampire's adoration can go to great lengths when they find a human they are infatuated with, other than this he has no reasonable motives, he wishes you would accept his advances, only a vampire can love you forever, he has no difficulty entertaining you with promises exchanged at midnight

This nocturnal romance which tarnishes you, whether it destroys you for nothing or everything you are worth, leaving a deep scar within your heart which you can trace with your fingertips as your ache for him to return

You venture the uneven terrain where angels fear to tread, along the long desolate hallways of an uninhabited home where no other dares to enter, you maintain there waiting and trusting that he'll return every so often to adore you like always, you may go mad but it is something you look forward in the cycle of everyday life

Nikto

In order to escape deep solitude that has turned into loneliness he takes to watching over you like a butterfly on your shoulder when he cannot be there during the day, he seeks the pulsating of your heart, the tremors that run through your bodies when together

You don't draw back in fear like the others do, and this was the first time he was truly loved, in all your fantasy, you always knew he wasn't a monster, he could love, he could be tender and gentle, there was no need for desire or selfishness to consume him entirely, there was a time for him to live the life he deserved, the one you showed him

Still, there is a darkness he cannot fight that comes when listening to your tranquil breaths, the temptation he feels growing and gnawing within him to drink and confine you to the grasps of everlasting immortality, because it truly is terrible to love something that death can take away from him

He can already see the image forming in his mind; the fog that comes from the shaky breaths escaping your lips, the rise and fall of your chest stained with droplets of blood, letting you go cold for a moment before you join him in eternalness

He can only contemplate this as he watches the sun rise over the hillsides through the curtains that shield him from the rays of light

[concretejunglefm]

I want to tie a pretty pink ribbon around sub!Noah’s cock.

- @somebodyels3

in the words of you; i want to tie one around his cock and around his wrists.

CW: smut including sub!noah being an overall good boy, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation with toys (wand), lots of praise, cum feeding and sweet dirty talk.

Names: Good boy, baby boy, pup.

Smut under the cut 🔞 Minors DNI.

Look how pretty he is bound up just for you. How pretty his cock is with a pretty pink ribbon wrapped around it like a gift, all for you. And you'll tell him as much, whisper it against the shell of his ear as you drag your nails slowly down along his tattooed chest, listening to his faint rapid breaths.

He's been such a good boy.

For the past ten minutes Noah has been doing his best to hold on, for you. It's still early in your lessons, you don't expect him to las too long but he's already exceeded previous expectations.

Every now and then you watch the way his stomach quivers, and how he steadies his breathing to hold himself back, while his cock twitches, precum leaking from the tip. It's so red you think he could burst without you even touching him at this point.

"Please."

It's faint, but you hear the word slip between his lips, along side the faint whimpers he's making.

You hum in response. "What is it, pup? You have to speak up, remember to use your words."

You take him beneath his chin, your forefinger and thumb holding his head for him to look at you.

"I-... I want..." He starts, struggling to find his words.

"Yes?" You're giving him as much encouragement as you can, easily sensing the shyness. It's still a process, making him ask and tell you what he wants, most times he nudges or gives you those doe eyes and hopes that you know, but right now you know what he really wants is on the tip of his tongue and it isn't to cum.

"The wa-... the wa..." Noah continues to stutter out between his whimpers.

"The wand?" You finish, delighted by his enthusiasm to return to one of your favorite toys. You reach for it from off the bed, holding it up for him to see and his head nods frantically.

Another 'please' slips from his lips while you turn on the toy and it rumbles to life.

You can barely contain your own excitement as you bring the head of it towards him. The vibration is low, but he's sensitive enough to react the moment you press it lightly against his shaft. He squirms and twitches in place, his cock practically visibly throbbing with the overstimulation you've been providing.

You love to drag it out, switching between a toy and then your hand, long slow strokes providing him that edging he needs until you bring him right to the brink, just to pull him back.

"That's my good boy." You coo, your voice silky soft because he deserves to be treated in a gentle manner when he's nothing short of good for you, an obedient boy who happily plays by your rules. When he isn't being a brat.

The moment you see the precum spilling from his tip once more, you pull the wand away and replace your hand around the shaft, swiping your thumb up and over the tip to gather it before releasing him and reaching up to his mouth.

"Open." You instruct and watch how he follows obediently in his complete dizzying state. He's so easy for you to toy with like this, when he's right on edge and lost in his own pleasure.

Accepting your thumb, you feel the swipe of his tongue against the pad of it, eagerly tasting himself off you.

"You are such a good pup for me." You praise him softly, happily showering him with more as you lean up and kiss him. You can never resist stealing a kiss from him in these moments, because even when he's soft and obedient, you have the overwhelming urge to be soft with him in none dominant ways, just needing to touch and kiss him to feel closer.

When you break away, you look down between you to his cock, watching how he leaks a little more and your brows raise as it slowly spills down along the side of his shaft, just crossing over the threshold of the pink ribbon neatly tied around him.

"Oops." You look back up to him, stroking your fingers back through his hair, feeling the dampness from the sweat against your hand. "I guess this means we're starting over." You inform him and reach for your phone, resetting the timer from 12 minutes, back down to 0.

"Let's see how long you can last this time."

[max1461]

One thing I will say, now that I've had direct experience with my mental meat severely malfunctioning: drugs are broad-spectrum, and personal exercise of... I won't say "virtue", but choice, can be targeted. I'm not saying that drug addicts can just choose not to be addicted or something, I'm not that naive. What I'm saying is: what are the full mental knock-on affects of dampening one's cravings? If opiate addiction is ruining your life this might be the least of your concerns, but if you're conceptualizing these GLP-1 agonists or any putatively similar drugs as some kind of general purpose "self-control booster", this is might be something you want to think about.

I often get a craving-like-feeling to do math, I'll have this moment where I'm like "you know what would be good right now? One of those group theory problems where you have the orders of a bunch subgroups and you have to deduce the order of the group" and then I'll go look for one online or whatever and solve it. This is, in fact, one of my more consistent motivators to do math, and if those cravings were less frequent I would probably know a lot less. A core part of romantic attraction for me is a craving-like-feeling for my partner; not just in a brute sexual sense but in a more abstract one. To have that lessened would be, from my perspective, essentially my capacity for romantic love being dampened along one of its axes. Would I want that?

When I was a kid, I played a lot of video games. Sometimes I'd play for hours a day. And I really cared about the medium; at that point in my life my ambition was to become a video game designer. When I turned about 16, I abruptly lost the immediate-term desire to actually play video games. I still cared about the medium just as much, I still had lots of thoughts on games and game design, but in a moment-to-moment sense actually playing games was no longer something I wanted to do very often. It ceased to be something I desired in a raw hedonistic sense. It was work. I would sit down to play a game because I was interested in it intellectually, but after 20 minutes I'd get burned out and have to stop. This shift probably altered the course of my life in a huge way—it reshaped something fundamentally about who I was and who I was becoming. I still care a lot about games as a medium, and I'm not in any way torn up that I didn't go down the path of trying to become a game designer. But it does disappoint me sometimes that I can't have anything like the relationship to games that I used to, because my brain has decided they aren't "fun" in that purely hedonic sense anymore.

Actually, this was part of a larger shift in my personality that occurred when I was a teenager, in which I became fairly anhedonic in most areas of life, and as a result shifted away from most simplistically pleasurable activities and towards endeavors that provided a more diffuse, harder to quantify form of gratification. Not because I'm virtuous—but because I'm meat, and the simplistic sources of gratification largely stopped working!

What I'm trying to articulate is something like... yeah, you're made of meat, which means in particular: you are made of meat. When you take a drug that alters your meat, there is a sense in which you become somebody else. And this also happens all the time for reasons you don't control. But that doesn't mean it's good or acceptable in the general case. Sometimes, often, it's bad! Or it's good and bad in ways that are hard to tally. The brain is complex, and, like I said, medications are broad-spectrum. They don't differentiate between the neurons that make you crave a burger and the neurons that make you love your wife, they modulate all the neurotransmitters the same. Actually the bodybuilder Mike Israetel specifically says in an interview somewhere that when he's on steroids, he loves his wife less. It's just physiological. And I believe him.

In the past few months I've had to take lamotrigine for seizures. Lamotrigine is also a mood stabilizer. I don't need my mood stabilized, in fact I rather like my usual array of moods. One of the things lamotrigine evidently does is induce a positive bias in processing of faces—response to angry and fearful faces is lessened, while response to happy faces is unaffected. Sounds great, right? But the visceral response to fearful faces is an important component of affective empathy. You don't want to hurt someone, in part it seems, because your brain has a visceral reaction to the real or imagined sight of their face in fear. Scores on the psychopathy checklist correlate with impaired ability to discern fearful faces, but no comparable impaired ability to discern faces displaying positive emotions. If you can't internalize someone else's fear or sadness, you can't empathize. I know that I don't feel like myself on lamotrigine. Now this is not to be taken as at all scientific; I've got a lot of weird brain stuff going on right now and I don't feel like myself anyway. But in any case, lamotrigine is meant to be one of the seizure medications with the fewest cognitive side effects.

You are made of matter, and messing around with the matter that makes you up can change you in unknown and unpredictable ways. Me growing up to become a linguist instead of a game designer, that reflects a really complex and multi-faceted shift in who I am and how I used my time. And it was brought on by all kinds of things, all sorts of personal development over the years, but a load-bearing component was probably the simple down-modulation of an impulse, a loss of simple hedonistic capacity that caused me to search out radically new uses of my time in my teen years. That shift was endogenous, but certainly a drug could have done it. So my point I guess is that no drug is... what word am I looking for, "apolitical"? That's not what I mean. But I'm saying something conceptually similar to what people often mean when they say no technology is apolitical. Except instead of the body politic I'm talking about the body itself, the body and mind. Uh. If you take a drug to "increase your willpower", it might turn out that you become someone you wouldn't have chosen to become, in ways you never even considered. You might be fine with that or you might not. But it's not so simple as taking the person-you-are and turning up a willpower knob, it's never that simple. I think a sort of techno-pessimism towards this notion of a miracle drug is very warranted.

Last week's WITH was about the pursuit of treatments that might do for addiction what GLP-1 agonists do for cravings for food, and the guest had an interesting point about how you can have phenomena with very complex causes (the main examples here being opiate addiction and the general rise in obesity) that do not require you to untangle or address those causes in order to procure solutions. Like, is addiction a disease, a social ill, a product of trauma, a failure of willpower, or all of these things?

It doesn't necessarily matter! It turns out that "craving stuff" is a pretty basic neurological feedback loop and it may be tractable to pharmaceutical intervention. Heck, GLP-1 agonists may be that intervention: people have reported (and clinical trials are being conducted to study) that these drugs, among their many effects, simply blunt cravings, to the point where people have as a side effect of taking them for diabetes or weight loss also found they helped cut down on drinking, or gambling, or using other drugs.

So even if GLP-1 agonists don't have all the miraculous effects reported (there are some reports they may be effective as an Alzheimer's treatment!), it would be crazy if we have discovered a drug that allows us to better marshal our faculties to decide which cravings to give in to, a drug that simply imbues us with self-control. And I think that's really interesting, because it's an outright clash between two ways of seeing the world: a moralistic one in which virtues are the product of individual decisions, and in which taking a drug to achieve some outcome that "ought" to be a product of virtue might be seen as cheating, and one that reminds us that, for better or worse, we are meat, and all our complex behaviors arise as the result of the state of the meat that we are--and from which view, refusing to acknowledge the mutability of your meat in aid of achieving your goals, or even broader social benefit (addiction is really bad and there very few good options to treat it), is simply goofy.

But a lot of people's reaction to the existence of GLP-1 agonists--or for that matter any medical intervention for things which are moralized as willpower problems--includes contempt founded on being wedded to that moralizing framework. I think a lot of moralism develops as a response to conditions of existence being imposed on us that are objectively pretty miserable, and that when we discover the occasional intervention that liberates us from that pretty restrictive framework, our attitude should be one of jubilation: hear, O ye people, that what was long believed to be an implacable trade-off of human existence is no more. But I think a lot of people's reaction is to double down: I had to suffer, or someone I know had to suffer, therefore you ought to suffer as well, or else our suffering has no meaning.

[tetedurfarm]

I know I just have goat fever right now daydreaming, but I would love to hear about your goats. What's their purpose, most annoying trait, anything at all

i am so sorry in advance because i am always brutal when people want animals that i own and they ask me for my opinion. it's a personality flaw. but i need people to understand why animals suck before i say why they are fun lmao

why goat:

my goats are for milk mainly. i have a nigerian dwarf, a mini nubian, a mostly-nigerian 'mini-nubian', and a kinder. their milk is actually really good, all of them, and their production is good for my needs. i expect each to make about half a litre or so a day at peak production this year, going off of numbers from last year. it will be violet's third freshening, and phoebe's second, and they generally increase in production every year for the first three or four years before levelling off. i am not planning to breed hallow unless i find someone with a nigerian buck that they don't mind letting me borrow, cos derek is just way too big for her i fear. turnip will be on her first freshening. i prefer the mini nubians and kinders to the nigerians because they have more ground clearance and bigger teats so it's easier to use a machine on them. hand milking the itty bitty titties isn't awful but i try not to hand milk if possible lol

i do eat kids because i can't sell them, and they are dairy goats so they aren't exactly the meatiest things on the planet, but it's food. i like the taste of wether and doe but buck is stanky.

what i hate about goats:

crime. i know it's the joke but genuinely goats are little shits and your new favourite hobby is now fence the second you put one on your land. literally any sort of weakness in their enclosure they will get through. cannot overstate. if you use electric fence as their primary enclosure (if you want them to mow a weird spot for you or something) they have to be net and they have to hit hard. provided it's grounded right, my net fence with a 1 joule solar charger can hit around 4k max and they will ignore that if they want something on the other side bad enough. however they will usually respect it if they have plenty to eat within the legal zone. you cannot tie a goat because they will strangle themselves trying to eat something outside of their range or slip their collar and do whatever they want.

they will climb on anything they possibly can, including buildings and enclosures. they will also rub on things which is fine sometimes if it's a brush mounted on a pole and bad sometimes when it's your fence. also if they can stick their head through a fance they will do so and if they have horns they will get stuck. sometimes they will get stuck without horns. the issue i have the most with them sticking their heads through fence is they push on it so hard it can warp cattle panel fences and stretch tension ones so i just have to make sure they aren't overly mcfucking everything every now and then.

speaking of horns it is sort of a personal preference on whether or not you do horns. horns look sick af and help them thermoregulate in hotter climates but also horns suck ass and make a lot of things difficult if you are milking them. horns don't always fit into milking stanchions, and i have had enough situations with a bitchy nanny on the stand where if horns were involved i would have been pretty badly injured. they will press them against things because it feels good and again that's fine if it's a post and bad if it's you. my horned goats don't seem to headbutt things like my ram does, and my goats are little so they can't push me over when they press on me, but if they were normal sized goats we'd be having words. trying to medicate horned goats is a pain because i can't just pop them between my thighs unless i want really wicked bruises. i did not want horned goats. the only reason i have two is because one i didn't go deep enough when i was dehorning him, and the other i didn't plan to keep so i didn't bother. there is a nonzero chance i will replacing the horned doe with a daughter this year just because i don't want to deal with it :/

feed-wise they aren't too bad but they are ruminants and have ruminant problems. but you have rabbits and a lot of the same things apply so it's not a huge deal. they need roughage constantly which means if you don't have grass you have to buy hay, and if you can't get it cheap then get fucked. everyone's feeding methods and routine is individual to their needs and herd but mine have free-choice local hay, and i give them a flake or two of alfalfa a day depending on their condition (less in summer when there's grass, more in winter when there isn't.) i give a little grain twice a day; i personally find it less expensive and better and keeping condition on them than just alfalfa, plus it serves as a great incentive to get them all back in the shed when i need. same as the alfalfa, they get less in summer and more in winter, just kinda eyeballed and adjusted as needed to keep condition. the buck and his wether get less grain and their alfalfa is pelleted because it just works a little better with how their feeders are set up. speaking of feeders - goats LOVE standing in feeders and will shit and piss in them and then decide the food is inedible. we screwed 2x4s about six to eight inches over their troughs to prevent this but it makes the horned ones' lives harder so we will need to adjust them. in general goats will not eat food once it touches the ground. it's really fucking annoying because they will waste so much fucking hay that way if you don't have some kind of solid bottom to their feeders. this is An Problem with alfalfa because they ONLY eat the leaves and rarely eat the stems, but the leaves just fall out of normal hay racks and onto the ground. which is lava, obviously. also, they will get addicted to alfalfa and grain. and if you do not give them these things every day they will make your life hell. which is like, fine, if that is part of your feeding plan, but let's just say it took beetlebug over a month of constant screaming before he finally adjusted to his new diet of not being free-fed alfalfa like he was at his old home. he nearly was returned to sender x:

my goats are not huge fans of treats/cookies for some fucking reason and will only eat them if they're apple flavoured. most people do not have this problem.

this is only really a con for me because i also have sheep, but because sheep can't have copper in their mineral i have to bolus my goats a couple of times a year as needed which is a pain in the ass. the fig newton trick does not work because of aforementioned 'we only eat apple cookies' reasons so i have to do it the hard way and it's a rodeo every single time and i hate it. you know they need copper because their fur will get kinda dull and sometimes curly, and they will get what's called a 'fishtail' where they will start going bald on the tip of their tails. it's more a problem for me in winter because we have good copper in the soil, but when there's no grass they need a little help.

goats have soft feet that don't grind down well so you have to trim them which isn't a huge issue but just like, an issue. it's hard on my body particularly so i don't do it as often as i know i should. a trimming stanchion is worth the money. also make sure you get good quality shears because shitty ones will kill your hands.

goats do not suffer in silence and much like cats their definition of suffer is sometimes not actually suffering at all, and is just like....you did not give them alfalfa at Exactly the same time one day so you get to listen to shrieking until you do it. my nursing mamas sleep in a different area that is closer to the house and they will get Real Mad for a couple days the first few times i put them in there at night, and then also every morning if they run out of hay.

if it matters to you, the milk is naturally mostly homogenised and it means if you want to make cream or butter or whatever you have to have a cream separator which are complicated, expensive, and annoying to clean. the milk will separate a little bit on its own, so i guess if you really wanted to you could just skim it every day but you still won't get all of it without a separator.

and lastly, if you keep a buck then you get to deal with Buck Issues™️. famously, bucks stink. my old buck stank all the time, but derek is actually not so bad. outside of horny season he has very little smell but even when he's pissing on himself to appeal to the ladies he isn't nearly as fragrant as orion was. orion you could smell from a mile away. they are also rough on fences and gates for goat reasons but also for horny reasons if there's a doe on the other side. make sure your gates latch Real good. they also need less fat in their diets, can be pushy, and need a companion of some variety or they will get sad. derek lives with beetlebug, who is wethered, and they get along well. some people can keep bachelor groups but it seems to be the exception, and i personally have no need for multiple bucks so i can't give you any firsthand experience.

what i like about goats:

milk milk milk milk milk. it's real good. at least my goats' milk is; not all breeds have tasty milk. to me my goats' milk just tastes like slightly above 2% cows' milk, with a little bit of a grassy or piney taste depending on what they've been eating. mini nubians are nigerian/nubian crosses so their milk is very high in fat and very sweet. kinders are pygmy/nubian crosses so they are a little meatier and the milk is sweet but a little less high in fat.

they are very personable animals and usually will eat out of your hand even if they aren't fan of being pet and cuddled. bottle-raised ones can range from 'dog you can do anything to and likes hanging out with you' to 'trying to climb you constantly and eat your hair' but i have never had that last problem because i don't allow climbing or constant pestering. the worst i've had with a bottle-raised kid was daisy being really like...sexually aggressive towards me and that's why she's in the freezer now. they have big personalities and they are very fun to watch do their little goat thing and there is constant pecking order politics happening to spice things up.

they come in lots of pretty colours and you can mix and match pretty easily to find a breed or cross you really enjoy. like i said, i like the mini nubians and kinders because they are on the smaller side - around 60, 70lbs or so for the does i would guess? and their heads are right at bellybutton range for me who stands 5'8" - bit still have a lot of space between the udder and the ground so they are easy to milk. the nubian in them also helps their teats be a good size and their milk to stay rich.

them being browsers is sort of a blessing and a curse. they are awesome for clearing areas of brush, which is a pro for me who lives in himalayan blackberry hell, but if you want them to mow their lawn they'll only eat grass if there's nothing else. browsing is also why they are so rough on fences and why they tend to eat more shit they shouldn't, they just stuck their head through fence and try whatever they can. the browsing is why i like running sheep with them; the sheep graze and the goats clear.

in conclusion

i know that cons list is huge but i do genuinely like my goats. and i think we all know that i just like animals that make my life objectively worse. i don't know why i'm like this. they do really suck ass sometimes though and i absolutely understand why so many people hate goats. they are absolutely not for everyone. if you drink a lot of milk you are honestly probably better off getting a cow if you want an animal that probably doesn't make you want to pull your hair out at least once a month. if you just want lawnmowers, get sheep. they aren't as personable or friendly usually but they are content to eat grass and shit and don't cause near the amount of crimes.

[princessofxianle]

idk if its just me, but ive been seeing a handful of jokes and takes over the months implying how "awful" of a father Feng Xin is...

which was funny at first, but then i think about what actually happened

Jian Lan literally told him 800y ago to get lost and never come back. So he did.

Feng Xin never found out about CuoCuo until when Jian Lan returns in the present timeline. I don't understand how he can be a bad dad when he literally had no way of knowing he even was a dad?

A justification ive seen is how terribly he treated CuoCuo and Jian Lan after the reveal. But thats also confusing. Yes, he has a moment of "WTF" after finding out he has an actual child, but wouldnt anyone? Like its prob been 800 years since he's even had sex with a woman, I can see how world-changing that bit of information can be.

But after that, he always offers to provide for them. Because Feng Xin is a "good" god (and imo, 800y ago he was a good man too). JL and CC are the ones who decline his repeated offers. And then he lets them leave.

I see nothing but the utmost compassion and respect in that man and everything he does. If he had the opportunity to raise a child I think he would not only dedicate a large part of himself to that child and/or family but also want to. He might not be great at it, but he'd learn.

This kind of compassion is also reflected in the way he treats Xie Lian too, being his loyal dog bodyguard and all. He's always trying to protect him. It's ingrained into him so much that we see 800y later the habit still hasnt been broken.

Feng Xin can only feel with his whole heart. So i really do think it would make him at least a halfway decent father given the chance.

...but i digress

[booksandabeer]

Crowdsourcing a Fic Rec List: Stucky & Peter Parker

Well, look at that!

Due to the numerous responses to this post, and since things have become a little cluttered there (different reblog threads, some recs are in tags or in comments, etc), I thought it would be a shame if anything got lost. So, I decided to compile a list of all the submitted recs for Stucky fics that also feature Peter Parker. Of course, I couldn't help myself and added a rec of my own. Fics that were mentioned multiple times are only listed once, and, if one was provided, I kept the original commentary. I hope I credited everyone correctly. If I got something wrong or missed anything, please let me know.

Thank you to everyone who shared recs, commented, or reblogged the original post to get more eyes on it. You're all wonderful! 💙

Here we go:

💙 recommended by @thankssaragorn

🕸 taking my time but I don't know where by cosmicocean | 35K, T so much fun, post-TWS Bucky lowkey mentoring Peter in being a hero and then some family and healing stuff, very sweet. 🕸 Steve Rogers Is (Not) A Good Influence by attackofthezee | 4K, T a goofy oneshot where Peter joins Steve on his Bucky-hunt. 🕸 the rattle of their hearts by iron_spider | 59K, T | part 1 of 2 in rattle universe series an IW fix-it where Tony & Steve try to fix things and Peter & Bucky are trapped in the soul stone together, also trying to fix things. Features irondad if that ain't your thing. 🕸 Dear Teacher, With Love by fancyh | 61K, T doesnt ~strictly~ fit the prompt but i love it so much im always gonna rec it. Bucky becomes a HS teacher post-TWS and Peter is in his class they rlly don't interact a ton but I just love this fic i can't help it.

❤ recommended by @sparkagrace

🕸 Steve and Bucky low key adopt Peter Parker by Andthrowmethekey | series in 3 parts | 3.5K, T 🕸 Drive It Like You Stole It: A Bodyswap by AggressiveWhenStartled | 28K, E | part 1 of 2 in The Old Codgers GreatestHits Album series

🤍 recommended by @eternalspine

🕸 longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak by honeycombclaire | 96K, M | part 1 of 2 in trigger words series Peter being raised by Bucky in Hydra as an assassin but he was Tony’s biological son that had been kidnapped as a toddler. I literally cannot say enough good things about this fic you should all go read it right now. I would inject it in my veins if I could. It genuinely took me several days to be normal again after reading it. There’s even a sequel!

💙 recommended by @arctic-turtle-cassiopeia

🕸 Astronomy in Reverse by pansley | 185K, T

❤ recommended by @maplefiasco

🕸 Make it Till You Fake It by AggressiveWhenStartled | 4K, E another super fun one by [this author]. 🕸 When I Am On Your Shoulders by Lady_Blackwater | 165K, M Steve reconnects with Bucky while going through a divorce from Tony and trying to navigate parenting their teen son Peter. I remember binging this in a day, I couldn't put it down.

🤍 recommended by @funkylittlelurker

🕸 Is this child Venomous? by rWolfWrites | 80K, M | part 1 of 4 in Stucky Shares Custody of Peter Parker series It's angsty as all get out, but it has a happy ending. Basically, it's a HYDRA Peter AU, wherein Peter is an asset right along Bucky. Peter is like, 12 at the youngest, so it's mcu Peter, don't worry. Bucky drops Peter off a Steve's house, designation Steve as Peter's new Handler. You can see why this might be bad. I won't spoil much, but the Maximoff twins also come into play! (Bucky saves them)

💙 recommended by @leihaddock

🕸 The Trials and Tribulations of the Watermelon Werewolf by BlueSimplicity | 67K, E Explicit between Steve and Bucky & Bucky basically lowkey adopts Peter. 🕸 Rainbow Dinosaurs by holla_the_forestfairy | ~1K, G short but sweet queer story

❤ recommended by @fsbc-librarian

🕸 Peter & Bucky Are Pals by DJ_unicornsrgr8 | series in 11 parts | 147K, G-T This series is set in the verse of Owlet's Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail, which is absolutely wonderful. 🕸 Steve Rogers' Dad Face and Other Common Hazards by AggressiveWhenStartled | 4K, T | part 1 of 4 in Workplace Hazards series 🕸 we leave through the fire by justanotherblond | 41K, T | part 1 of 3 in timshel series -> Also, always worth checking out the library for more fics!

🤍 recommended by @booksandabeer

🕸 Praetorian by RecoveringTheSatellites | 28K, M | part 1 of 2 in Amor Manet series Historical AU featuring Bucky as a pagan witch, Steve as a disgraced former Praetorian Guard, and Peter as a young recruit to the Roman army. Maybe a bit of a cheat, since Peter is not central to the story, but in the moments he does appear, he definitely makes an impression, and what we get to see of his mentor-mentee relationship with Steve really resonates. Also, look, this is just a banger of a fic with lots of action and romance that everyone should read.

💙 recommended by @stuckydrewx

🕸 Extra special treat! Drew shared a whole other fic rec list that she made a few months ago. Yay!

Once again, thank you so much to everyone who contributed to this crowdsourced rec list—you're all fantastic!

[tokiro07]

Ichi the Witch ch.18 thoughts

[Oh What a Feelin' When We're Fightin' on the Ceilin']

(Topics: character analysis - Desscaras/World Hater, speculation)

Oh yeah, baby, this is what I've been waiting for!!! Now this is a ceiling battle!!!

Where Ichi needed to literally knock himself out just to take out the first wave of World Hater's Lancemen, Desscaras was able to do the exact same thing casually AND with style

Iskandar is an absolutely sick Magik design, both beautiful and terrifyingly nonhuman, and it's clearly not even Desscaras' strongest move! She's playing with World Hater, aiming to humiliate and torture him while she systematically searches out his trial, so there's no way her opener is her best move, especially when you consider it doesn't tie into her title as the Abyssal Witch

I said a while ago that Monegold's summary of Togeice was more tell than show and that it didn't really give a good impression of just how skilled Togeice really was since Nishi didn't provide a frame of reference. This chapter, though, is a very effective case of show-don't-tell, as we get a direct comparison between Desscaras, Ichi, World Hater, and even Togeice

Tipping the Powerscales

Togeice was stated to have 16 acquisitions to her name, which, without an established average, must be assumed to be a pretty high number, certainly above average. It was stated in such a way that it didn't seem like Togeice was a record holder, more like a reasonable deviation or two from the mean

Desscaras, on the other hand, when asked directly how many Magiks she's acquired, simply states "who knows? Lost count." Not only does this mirror World Hater's nonchalant dismissal of how many humans he's killed, but it illustrates both Desscaras' skill and her mentality regarding it

As she says this, we can see twenty-five magic stones floating around her, thirty if we assume the ones on her scabbard didn't join the rest. She has Togeice beat by at least nine, but the implication is that there are more we still aren't seeing

And to Desscaras, this is perfectly natural

She's the best, after all. The world's greatest, most powerful Witch. Why wouldn't she have a ton of acquisitions to her name? For her, acquiring a Magik isn't even a source of pride anymore, it's just another rock to add to the pile

If my read here is correct, then that goes back to what I said back in ch.2: Witches don't respect Magiks as sentient beings. If not for the fact that she needs to do so in order to use a spell, Desscaras doesn't seem the type to remember the name of a defeated foe, at least not with how she's presenting herself here

As I see it, this could lead to two very interesting angles. Either Desscaras represents everything that's wrong with the current Witch system, or...

This is a bluff

Poker Face

As I've stated repeatedly, World Hater is an actively dispassionate individual, going out of their way to hide their expressions and executing their goals without emotional investment. When Desscaras cites that World Hater destroyed her home, World Hater retorts that her emotions are worthless, as they nihilistically view the world as destined to fade into nothingness

This is a hilarious thing for the World Hater to say, since they explicitly include "hatred" in that list of worthless emotions, but again, they've never referred to themselves as World Hater, that's just a name that Mantinel gave them

Anyway, Desscaras' detached ignorance of her own accomplishments perfectly mirrors World Hater's ignorance to their own atrocities, which could either be a way to show how similar the two of them are or an explicit dig at World Hater's attitude meant to evoke a response

If the former, then Desscaras is a negative role model for Ichi, one that he needs to surpass to prove that he is correct for how he values life. If the latter, and Desscaras reveals that she does, in fact, know exactly how many Magiks she's acquired and remembers all of their names, faces, personalities, trials, etc., then we'll know that she's not the strongest Witch just because she has the most acquisitions, but because of the dedication and care she put into every single one

Either way, her taunt in this moment makes her feel every bit as powerful as she's been purported to be and then some

And World Hater definitely feels it too

Time To Get Serious

The fact that World Hater has been pushed far enough to be concerned with how many Magiks Desscaras has acquired is already proof enough that they acknowledge her strength, but even without that, it should be clear that she has the power to back up the threat that she's going to take her time experimenting

After all, she's leagues above Ichi

As Desscaras said, Ichi was able to earn World Hater's direct attention with one spell. If World Hater truly didn't view Ichi as a potential threat, they would have just let him fall into the forest and be trampled by the Lancemen without paying him any heed

Instead, they deliberately lift Ichi back up, with the intention of warping him with their own hands. How else could they be absolutely sure that he's dead?

Again, if Ichi could register as a future threat, then Desscaras must register as an immediate threat. And if that's true, then there's no way that World Hater is going to just let her have her way. No, if she wants their trial, she's gonna have to earn it

However, there is one flaw in Desscaras' premise: she believes that World Hater tried to kill Ichi out of fear, but we know better. We saw World Hater's smile last week: they were excited that someone might be able to figure out their trial, they just had to suppress that feeling to focus on the task at hand

With Desscaras, though? They're not going to be able to afford to be casual about this. World Hater is going to need to put their everything into this fight: both their power and their emotions

This chapter was all about giving Desscaras her shine, the Good News phase, but next chapter? It's World Hater's turn: the Bad News phase

I don't think Desscaras is going to die here, but she's not acquiring the World Hater either. No, World Hater is going to show us just how Big of a Bad they intend to be, and what we're going to have to look forward to down the line

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[artsninspo]

COUNTERFEIT - one

➨ rio's library - good girl nbc

「 ✦ full library & archive ✦ 」

🍒 author's Note: back with another story! this is a multipart story. formerly known as cherries. it's a mix of the drinks series and forgiveless. Rio's more 'gang-friend' in this one. Enjoy ♥️

🍒 pairing: Rio (Good Girls) X Faith (Original Character) All my characters are black women.

🍒 word count: ~1.7K

🍒 summary: bad days lead to bars, friends, drinks and strangers.

🍒 one ~ cherry margaritas

If one more person calls me ungrateful I don't think I'll ever stop screaming. I shoot my sister a glare and her voice catches in her throat leaving her mouth open with words that will be left unsaid. Traitor. My anger is clear as day, and Char knows better than anyone that I've reached my limit. Amber, our ‘friend’ stops too looking up at me as I stand. I didn't invite Amber over for an earful, I invited her over for support. For fucks sake. The stare down comes to an end when Char closes her big mouth, swallowing.

“Faith” her tone is what it should have been all along but its too little too late. The call comes again but I'm halfway down the hall and to my bedroom. I walk into my closet angry at myself for thinking my sister would back me. I grab a coat and slip into a pair of baggy jeans. I kick my pumps from this evening's date night aside and grab a monogrammed bumbag.

“Faith” Amber says, wearing on my thinning patience.

“What?” I respond, casting a look over my shoulder.

“It’s not that we don't think you're great - I mean of course we do your the life of the party, you're so smart and funny”

“I’m glad I provide entertainment for you Amber” I respond and she places a hand on her chest. I brace for the perpetual state of victimhood that follows nice-nasty and outright mean.

“I didn't mean it like that!” Amber says. Whether it's fact or fiction makes no difference to me - my goal was to shut her up and when her nostrils flare I know I've achieved my goal.

“Don't be like that Faith, Jason is – being bored isn’t a reason to leave him. He literally worships you” Char continues. I wish her position was disappointing or surprising but it’s what I expect from Char now that she's been fully indoctrinated by our mothers social climb. Years of private school, country clubs and tennis lessons have her disillusioned.

“It’s fine, I don't expect you to understand” I snap, pushing past the both of them. 

“Where are you going, do you want me to come?” she asks, eyeing my casual attire.

“No, finish the wine and talk about how ungrateful I am” I respond slamming the front door to our condo. I rush to the elevator hoping they won't follow me and call a cab once I'm in the lobby. The wait is less than a minute. I turn off my location, blocking my sister, Amber and Jason for the night.

I’m too young to be so stressed, I've felt like I've been drowning for weeks as Jason turned the intensity up in our relationship in all the wrong ways. Trying to become bffs with my mother and Rick. Talking with the future, talking about expectations and children and houses. Why would anyone think I would sign up for a lifetime of the one I didn’t choose. The one Ma laid on her back and threw away everything she knew and held dear for. I’d never so eagerly trade my autonomy. I rate the driver five stars for the much appreciated silence and smile as my feet touch the pavement. I smell cigarettes and weed as patrons partake outside the bar. I can see it’s busy when I head in. Unlike anything in the heart of the city D’s place is truly one of one. Traditional wood counters, stools, a pool table, a jukebox, booth seating on one side, open space in the middle and a few table configurations for those who want to sit and talk. Everywhere is full tonight and it makes me happy for my friend as I head to the bar a man getting up to give me his stool. I look around for Diego smiling when I find him.

“Hey” I wave, and he comes over with top shelf tequila.  Smiling at my presence he makes a show of making my favorite drink a cherry margarita and tops it with five cherries. “Thanks” I beam saluting him before my first sip. “Perfection” I wince and he laughs.

“What’s up?” He asks and I chew on one of the cherries pushing the rest of them into the liquid in the hopes they absorb some of the liquor.

“Nothing much, I can help you bartend if you drive me home…” I suggest.

Diego dries a glass. “I don’t get off until three” 

“It’s fine” I shrug while having another swig.

“Doesn’t Jason usually get tickets to the big games? I was looking for you court side” He asks, looking up at the mounted TV in the bar.

“We broke up” I confess and he frowns, pausing his task.

“What’d he do? Do I need to fuck him up for you?” D asks, ready for war.

“Nothing, it just wasn’t going to work.” I admit taking another cherry. D gives me an unsure look before manning his bar. I watch the clock run out and drain the liquid from my glass, then I get behind the bar and get to work. Diego and I grew up together on the same block as kids. He spent a lot of time with me and my sister before the whispering started. People thought it was poor parenting to have him sleeping in a room with two girls. D would’ve never laid a finger on us. He moved away when I was ten and we reconnected after college. He became the big brother I never had. Now, he has his life together and I’m the wreck.

Time goes by when you’re having fun and D and I are an excellent team. Working, being busy, accomplishing something and being around D is grounding for me. There’s nothing we want from each other or hope to gain from our association and honestly it’s refreshing. D really has put everything into this place and it’s a pleasure to help him keep his patrons happy with good drinks and excellent customer service. It’s a sausage fest and the flirtation is harmless. Almost all of them are regulars and regular guys here to drink a few beers and watch the game. I make a show of eating the cherries from my glass gaining an audience, extra tips and looks of disapproving amusement from D. It's harmless rebellion, the kind of thing that Jason would spend hours scolding me for - not understanding I’m just joking around. Having a bit of fun. D’s bar is the kind of place that would make Jason itch. There’s no VIP seating, back room or slipping someone extra money to get better service. Honestly that behaviour may lead him to a black eye and pressing assault charges for his uppity ways. The thought makes me smile as the patrons file out,  I have so many tips there's no more space in my pockets so D gets me a jar. 

 By the time it’s three AM I’ve forgotten all about my breakup. D and the security clean off the tables and put the chairs up. I get the mop ready and clean the floors to save them from sticky floors when they come in later on today. The bell rings and the door opens to three men walking in. I wait for someone to tell them we’re closed but no one does. The tall slim one in all black sits at the bar and the other two go into the back. My heart rate slows as I look around for D, when I don't see him I keep my head down mopping until D comes from in the back. He greets the man and pours him something top shelf.I continue mopping until I see Diego motioning for me to come over. I do and he looks nervous. He hands me his keys. “Go wait in the car” he says handing me his keys.

“My coat” I remind D, and he nods, getting it from behind the bar for me.

“I don’t remember hiring you,” the guy drinking at the bar says, stopping me in my tracks. His voice is smooth and his eyes are too easy for him to be anything but trouble. The tattoo on his neck tells me he’s bad news, as well as how rigid D’s posture is behind me.

“She’s a friend, came to help me out” Diego says, being oddly submissive. I look up at him confused. He has at least a hundred pounds of muscle on this guy and he’s afraid of no one. The guy turns to face us and his hands go in his pockets as he gives me a slow once over. He’s hard to read.

“I didn’t know we needed help and I don’t remember getting a text that you’d have someone else closing with you” he adds. His speech is slow and calm which adds to the sense of danger about him.

“I was headed home, came by for a drink and it was getting crazy in here. I just wanted to help out” I explain and the man gives a half smile but it only makes me more uneasy.

“There are health codes, forms, certifications and things we need in case something comes up or a by-law officer stops by.  I need to know who’s behind my bar. Who’s serving my customers.” he doubles looking at D.

“I said she’s a friend,” Diego grits in response. The man’s jaw clenches but he turns around.

“Shit hits the fan, you’ll have to deal with it, not me” he says going back to his drink and I hurry out of the bar. I have a million questions but I don’t ask any the entire ride home. My mind goes to a hundred scenarios, landing on one every time if D needed money why didn't he ask me for some. If it was for protection didn’t he know better than to get mixed up with men like … whoever that was? The car slows to a stop in front of my condo and he puts it in park handing my tips.

“Take care, and if Jason needs a clue let me know” he says before kissing my cheek.

“Thanks” I smile and he hands me another jar. I smile when I realize they’re tequila soaked cherries. “Sorry for the trouble” I apologize.

“My cousin is OCD about people,” he shrugs.

“Ok” I nod wondering why I don't know this one of Diego’s cousins or that he was the bar owner. I don't push, instead I hug my friend and trust our bond before heading into the building, into the elevator and into the apartment I share with my sister.

authors note: well that's all for now folks. see you around for the next part. don't forget to ❣ Like, ❝ Comment, ↺ Reblog

click here to ✮ join taglist ✮ and be notified when it drops.

tags: @meadows5 @wnbweasley @becauseimher @ariiaeltheedonn @woahthatshitfat @miniaturehideoutmentality @kokobells @ffenthusiastt @sowhatariyana @1xtral1983 @theegoddessofmelanin @fictionalreads @roxytheimmortal @fairytale07 @rampsen

[gothghostiie]

Hello! I looove your work, and I had a thought on like a cod firefighter au??? It would kinda be like a scent kink thing I guess... Please feel free to ignore this completely if it makes you uncomfortable at all!!!!!

Ok so, when firefighters come back from a fire they REEK of smoke and chemicals and stuff and honestly it makes me think of two different scenarios:

Scenario 1: cod man gets home from a fire and this man is smelly. Butttt you're so excited he's home and you're just all over him, burying your face in his neck, licking the grime and sweat off of his torso- all of it. Just obsessed with him, his smell, and the fact that he's alive and healthy.

Scenario 2: (Ngl, this one makes me think of your bully!soap). Okay, cod man gets home and you're happy he's home, happy he's safe, but you beg him to go shower because yuck. He finds how grossed out you are funny or something, and it leads to some deviant activities... Such as being stuck with your face buried in his armpit as he drills you from whatever position and makes fun of you. Or grabs your hair and makes you huff his scent from his crotch before he encourages you to suck him off. That kinda stuff.

With either scenario I can just imagine reader getting dizzy off of the smells and stuff and it's just- yeah.

Anyways! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! Remember to stay hydrated and eat good food :)

have the greatest day and take care of yourself lovie🫶🏻 and i LOOOOVE this and ill be damned if that isnt bully!soap as your boyfriend bc c'mon. you don't seriously think he'd stop being a bully just because hes your boyfriend now, right?

cw: bully!soap is his own warning, CNC, scent kink, facesitting, gn!reader

It's natural and normal that he sweats when he's at work, considering his profession. it's normal for you that he smells a little funky when coming home, but today? today he just reeks for some reason. he comes home and hugs you, kissing your head, you scrunch up your face and push him off slightly. his brows furrow and he almost pouts, holding you tighter. "the hell are you doing?" he asks, you frown softly, tell him to plesse just shower really quick, he can get all the hugs and kisses he wants after, just get washed up.

its needless to say this turned on you the second the words left your lips.

hes grinning, grip on you tightening. "what, y'dont like the smell of a workin' man? a man providing for ya?" he scoffs playfully as you try to squirm out of his big, calloused hands, his grip only tightens. "can't even fuckin' handle a little bit of me huh? might have to help ya get used to it, aye?" your eyes widen at the implications. you know you're in for it now. he picks you up with ease, hands under your ass, you wrap your legs around his waist for support. with a devious grin on his face he carries you into your bedroom, dropping you on the soft bed unceremoniously. his hands fiddle with his pants as you think about your poor sheets, before you even realise it he's already crawling over you in just his underwear. you can't even speak up to ask him what he's doing as his thighs find home on either side of your head, you see him grin down at you before he sits down, planting himself firmly on your poor face. you make a protesting noise, being forced to breathe in his musky scent, the sweat of a long day of work. you cry out, hands grabbing at his thighs, he laughs at you.

"what's the matter babe? don't like your own boyfriend's smell? that's devastating." he says, his tone mocking as he rocks his hips slightly, making sure to really rub it in. you cry out again, nails digging into his skin, trying to somehow get him to get off your face, even if you know the attempts are for nothing. he laughs, patting your hands gently, shaking his head even if you can't see it. "y'really dont like having to endure that do ya? want me to get up off that pretty little face?" the offer is almost too good to be true, you don't even think before nodding; only when you hear his deep chuckle you know he already has another thing to put you through.

he ruts his hips sharply one more time, his semi twitching before he lifts his hip, staying knelt down. you gasp for air, sputtering with a proper pout on your face, it makes him laugh. he pats your cheek briefly, cooing at you. "poor fuckin' thing, can't even handle that, hm?" he chuckles, his hands going to his underwear, pulling it off off him with skilled movements, never getting off of you. you whimper, pressing your lips together, expecting him to shove his filthy cock into your mouth - but no. one hand grabs your face, the other bunches up his underwear. "open up. now." his tone leaves no room for argument, neither does the harsh grip on your face, forcing your mouth open. you whimper in defeat, jaw going slack, he smiles. "there ya go.. thats my baby.." he says softly, genuine affection in his voice, despite what he's doing to you. his other hand forces the bunched up fabric into your mouth, making you gag briefly.

"there there.." he chuckles, patting your head like a dog. "don't worry, gonna distract ya." finally, he gets off your face, you blink at him with teary eyes, letting him have his way as his taste fills your mouth. his hands undress you with a surprising gentleness, caressing and squeezing softly as he smiles down at you. his touch stays gentle even as he pushes his cock into you slowly, inch by inch as you moan, heat rising all throughout your body as muffled moans fill the room. he smiles down at you, leaning down to kiss your forehead as he bottoms out - thats the last bit of gentleness he gives you before putting his weight on you, immediately humping you like hes in heat. your eyes widen, moans growing more frequent and louder, mixing in with his low grunts and skin slapping against skin.

it takes a few moments before you let yourself relax into the brain melting fuck, but by now you should know better than to trust your boyfriend like that. a strong hand grips the back of your head, before you can even open your eyes your face is forced into his damp, unshaven armpit. you yelp, hands trying to push him off, but he just laughs once again, keeping you held there as his thrusts get firmer, knocking the breath out of you, forcing you to breathe him in.

"gonna keep ya like this 'til you learn to fucking love it.."

[yoonginismobsessed]

Wow, writing about Kaiser once again, but this time I didn't come to slander him.

Tw: several mentions of his trauma, abuse mention, use of the word "fuck", "sex" once and explicit language. this may trigger sensitive people, if you are, please do not read. Maybe OOC. I used translator, so there may be some translation errors.

I'm just starting out in this writing business, I'm still a beginner, so this story can't be that good. Besides, English isn't my first language.

I'm not good at giving warnings, but I think this little warning should have already made you aware.

Kaiser fangirls, this is an apology for slandering your man.

My birthday is tomorrow, so this is a gift from me to you guys lol.

I can't stop you from interacting, but I'll tell you one thing, my warning has already been given.

Michael doesn't know what it's like to love anyone other than himself, and he probably never will. His childhood traumas definitely changed the way he thought and saw the world when he was still a child. The fact that he wanted to be loved even when he was going through all of that doesn't make this contextualization taken directly from an unreliable source, which is my mind, any better. Behind all that narcissistic arrogance, there's still a fragment of that mentally fragile boy who lived with his abusive father. Kaiser hates that, he wants to get rid of it as soon as possible, but he's aware that traumas are never completely forgotten or simply left in his mind, they would just become another one of the thousands of memories buried in his hippocampus. Kaiser has learned to live with his traumas, although there are times when he physically takes it out on himself in addition to his own mental exhaustion, but damn, he's fully aware that his interior responsible for controlling his entire body, mind and actions is totally fucked up. He can't make an effort to love someone, maybe he'll use you for his own benefit if he finds it useful, he'll fuck your body when he's mentally frustrated to try to get rid of that familiar feeling that eats away at his insides through the most impure means a human being can provide. Sex is temporary, memories aren't. Sometimes he won't even look you straight in the face because he thinks you don't deserve the emperor's gaze. You are just there to relieve his frustrations. There's nothing else he wants from you other than that. This twisted cycle will last until Kaiser gets tired of you and looks for someone else. He knows he'll have no problem finding someone else when he's a man with striking features, a handsome face that masks the rot beneath, but what's eating away at his body on the inside isn't so pretty. That's another matter.

I tried to fix it and changed some words.

[javaghoul]

rating characters on how well they hold a ladder for you

@rampaigewolf thought of this, tyvm.

•Kaneki half-heartedly volunteers to go up the ladder instead, and is relieved when you insist that he holds it. He's trustworthy and steady, but does tend to be distracting with his "*gasp*", "Careful!", "Woah there!".

8/10.

•Another solid choice is Irimi, plus if you fuck up she has the reflexes to catch you. Taking a point off because she's impatient and will complain about wasting her time.

9/10.

•idk why you chose Shirazu out of all the chateau inhabitants to hold the ladder, but it's your life. He'll casually lean against ONE side of the rung so the ladder starts tilting because he forgets things like this. He corrects it though so that's something. He gets a couple of points because he doesn't actually want you to die. Probably on his phone the whole time too.

5/10.

•Yomo is another dubious choice. I mean, he'd probably go up instead, but you never know. I'm thinking about the time where he "accidentally" let Ken fall through the rusted barrier and plummet towards earth without making any attempt to help him. I'm biased towards him though so I'll give him a couple of points.

11/10.

•If I had to choose one person to hold the ladder for me, hands down it would be Amon. He would make sure the ladder is safe and up to regulation standards, he'd make sure the wall is...secure(? Idk), he would WATCH YOU. He'd do all these things, but instead he would go and do the thing up the ladder instead because he's a True Gentleman.

10/10.

•Shuu would outsource to a servant.

10/10.

•Now this depends on her relationship with you, but Eto, in general, comes with a Caution. If the two of you are good, she's going to make sure you don't fall off the ladder. Maybe. If she's playful and thinks you won't be too pissed, she's going to shake the ladder. If she doesn't like you, she may remove the ladder when you're up on the roof or whatever. Idk man, it's your choice ☠️

5/10

•Why the fuck would you ask Naki of all people to hold the ladder? He's a fucking moron.

0/10

•Uta is actually a good choice. Watches your ass as you ascend, but isn't so distracted that he forgets you're climbing up the side of a building. MAY pull an Eto and give it a wobble, but has the grace to do it when you're a couple of rungs from the bottom.

10/10.

• Arima is decent, but not necessarily because he's concerned with your well-being, more that he has things to do.

10/10.

•Hide is slightly in the Shirazu orbit. He's invested in your welfare, but can be a bit...daft. You're probably safe, providing there are no major distractions.

8/10.

•I can't see her messing around, but I can imagine Touka getting very impatient at having to hold a ladder. She's going to be vocal about it, and if you slip and she has to catch you, she'll be pissed.

7/10.

•Furuta.

-5/10.

~~

Question time: who do you choose to hold the ladder?