#i don't know if i will finish the film because I'm kind of bored out of my mind

[mysticfemme]

I started watching In The Heights last night because I haven't seen it (haven't finished it, I got bored), and all I can hear is Hamilton songs mixed in with heavy inspiration from Jonathan Larson and also kind of West Side Story (I've not seen it all the way through though so idk). But seriously, half the songs sound like Lin Manuel wrote them for Hamilton and then realised he was writing a different musical and just changed the lyrics 😭😭 the Latin music and inspiration definitely separates it from Hamilton but it still just sounds so similar

[strikexlightning]

Ryan Howard x Male Reader

notes: this might not be show timeline accurate, I'm not even gonna lie :'), it's supposed to take place in season 6, I had the wiki open the whole time so hopefully it's at least passable, also sorry if the characters are ooc a little, I'm still in the process of rewatching the show.

cws: mention of ryan being into pain, fucking at work, they don't use lube

Your head falls into your hands, overwhelmed by whatever bullshit Jim was doing to Dwight today. Sometimes you found it funny, but on days like today, it made you question why you accepted the accounting position all those years ago. You at least wished you could work in the annex, or in that cozy little closet Jim put Ryan in.

You push back your chair, getting up and walking into the kitchen, deciding to get more coffee because you couldn't possibly think of going back into that area of the office without any sort of caffeine.

“Hey.” Someone behind you says. It makes you jump and almost spill scalding hot coffee all over your hand, and you turn, wondering how you didn't hear anyone walk in before you remember Ryan's “office” is directly behind you.

You give him a little nod in return, not in the mood for listening to his pretentious bullshit. The last time you came into the kitchen, the closet door was open and he made you look at the…interesting pictures he's been taking, trying to be artsy. He literally made you stand there for 30 minutes straight while the phone on your desk rang.

As he looks through the fridge, it's clear he's just pretending, using it to hide the fact that he keeps glancing over at you, trying to see if you acknowledge his presence. As you finish up making your coffee, he shuts the fridge, realizing it's not gonna work.

He passes behind you, leaning against the counter as you clean up the small amount of coffee you spilled. He's too close, his elbow almost touching yours.

“Got any plans after work?” He asks, and you shrug.

“I think everyone's planning on going out for drinks.” You answer, taking a sip from the mug. You weren't really interested in talking to him but you didn't want to be rude.

“Well I was asking about you specifically…silly.” He says, with a weird, awkward laugh. He added the “silly” at the end in a way that made it sound like he was debating on whether or not to say that, and you can tell he instantly regrets saying it as he awkwardly glances towards the film crew when you don't respond and then retreats back to his closet, shutting the door.

You squint at the door before slowly walking back to your desk, Dwight now back in his seat and Jim nowhere to be found. You work for a little bit before you start to get bored, switching tabs to a random game. When lunch comes, a few people leave together, leaving the break room empty because the few people still there were up to other things. You didn't really care, all you heard was ‘empty room all to yourself’.

You grab your food and get comfortable, being the only one in there. You read as you eat, some random fantasy book you had picked up somewhere. It was peaceful, without any shenanigans, no camera crew because they were off filming the interesting stuff.

And you jinxed it, because the second you start to enjoy your lunch, Ryan himself comes striding in, straight towards you. You didn't know exactly why you disliked him so much. He wasn't really that horrible to you, though he did kind of suck, and you didn't really care much about the others’ to hate him for any personal reasons. Part of you wondered if it was some kind of sexual frustration, because he was kind of hot and clearly didn't have anything against sleeping with coworkers. Maybe it was the sex dreams you had of him when he was VP, you just really wanted to put that man in his place, but he kind of did it to himself when he got arrested so after that the dreams kind of just stopped.

The fact that you found him sexually attractive freaked you out, not because he was a guy, but because it was Ryan of all people. The last thing he needed was another ego boost.

He stands in front of the table you're sitting at, staring at you until you look up at him. He sits next to you, getting comfortable and once again, way too close. He's practically on top of you, his hand squeezing your arm tightly, probably so you can't get up and leave.

“Listen, man. I found this new…business venture, let's say. I figured you'd be interested.” His voice is a low whisper, like he's telling you some mystical secret or something, and he stares at you expectantly.

You have literally no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

You stare back at him, a confused look taking over your face. “...you’re not doing coke again, are you?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. I just think you and I should…discuss…business strategies. After work. Tonight.”

You're pretty sure he's just trying to fuck you and can't come up with a better reason to get you alone other than straight out asking. You're not completely opposed, so you shrug.

“Sure, I guess.” You glance over and see someone from the camera crew recording you through the window from outside of the door. There goes your undisturbed lunch break.

He grins, letting go of your arm and patting your back, his hand lingering for a little bit. “Sweet.”

You nod in response, not knowing what to say. Now that you're aware of what he's doing, it just makes it weirder that he's doing that rather than coming right out and saying it. You saw how he was with women usually, so you figured he just didn't know how to flirt with men.

He stands back up and stops in his place when he sees the crew filming the both of you, and then he continues to leave. You can see him saying something to them, but you can't hear it. You sigh when you check the clock, realizing your lunch is over and you barely got through the first ten pages of the book. You retreat back to your desk, finishing out the rest of the day playing computer games and avoiding doing actual work.

When it's time to leave, you grab your jacket, relieved that the day was over. You were actually intrigued to see where Ryan was going with his horrible attempt at asking you to come over. You knew it was some kind of sexual advance just by how see through he is to you, but you didn't exactly know how it would play out and it was a little exciting.

“Are you coming to the bar with us?” Meridith asks you as she comes up next to you. You shake your head.

“No, I'm…going straight home. Gonna get some rest. You have fun though.” You respond in a suspicious manner. Luckily she doesn't care and says goodbye to you before leaving with everyone else.

You see Ryan out of the corner of your eye, and you turn your head, not expecting him to be staring directly at you as Michael is trying to talk to him. Michael sees that Ryan is looking in your direction and he waves you over. You give him a small smile as you walk over.

“I was just telling Ryan about that new Mexican restaurant that just opened, we should check it out one of these days. You know, just us three guys. Hangin’ out.” Michael tells you. He seems really excited at the idea of that so you nod along, not wanting to decline.

But Ryan isn't even paying attention, eyes still locked on you. He's basically just eyefucking you, running down your body and back up to your face. He doesn't look away when you stare back at him. The two of you stay locked in a sexually charged staring contest, and neither of you notice when Michael realizes you aren't paying attention to him and leaves.

You make the first move, lightly pushing him against Jim's desk, to which he leans back immediately. That one action seems to awaken both of your urges, urges that were held back for the sake of being professional. He pushes a few things out of the way to fully get onto the desk, pulling you closer by your tie as your hands fall to his waist.

He presses his lips to yours in a heated kiss, letting you get in between his legs as he holds a hand in your hair and the other gripping your arm tightly. You unbutton his shirt and loosen his tie, hands grabbing at his waist and torso underneath his shirt. He wraps his legs around your waist, pulling you even closer as you make out while he bucks his hips up against you, moaning into your mouth. He pulls away, hands unbuttoning your shirt and then sliding down to your belt.

“I've always wanted to do it here.” He says, his face slightly flushed as he catches his breath.

“Why?” You ask. It didn't surprise you that he wanted to though.

Ryan shrugs as he gets your belt off. You do the same for him and he ruts his hips against you again, groaning softly.

“It's one thing you're not supposed to do, obviously I'd want to do it.”

You make a short humming sound to acknowledge what he said as you grab his hips again, grinding your clothed erection against his, straining against his pants. He moans, looking up at you with the most desperate look you've ever seen from him.

You lean forward, lips brushing against the man's neck. He lets out a soft sigh, moving his head to give you access to his neck. You kiss down to his shoulder before biting down, pulling a moan from him. One of your hands comes up to the back of his head, tangling itself in his hair as you kiss and suck at his neck and shoulder, trying not to make marks in spots that could be easily seen.

“Fuck..you can do them wherever, I don't care if people see.” He says, his voice breathy.

You raise a curious eyebrow and then move upwards, your hand sliding up to the side of his head and pulling it to the side more, which he softly moans at. You leave a mark in a very visible spot before you can tell Ryan is getting impatient.

Your fingers loop around the waist of his pants and you pull them and his underwear down, his painfully hard cock springing out. You do the same for yourself, your dick against his thigh. He stares down at it, biting down on his bottom lip. You stop what you're doing and he looks up at you.

“We don't have lube. Unless you have some.” You say. He looks off towards where the closet is, thinking for a minute.

“There's some in my desk.” He responds, but he grabs your arm to stop you from going to get it. “Just leave it, it's fine.”

You raise an eyebrow again. “Are you sure? It'll hurt.”

He looks away from you, grip on you loosening and moving to rub at his eye. “I don't, uh. I don't mind.”

You instantly understand and you even laugh slightly. You wrap a hand around the base of his dick, rock hard and dripping. It throbs when you slowly start to move your hand, pumping it up and down a few times. Ryan bucks his hips into your hand, letting out breathy, desperate moans.

You lift your other hand, spitting into it and wrapping it around your cock. Moving to hold his thigh, you guide yourself into him, making him suck in a sharp breath. He presses a hand to his forehead, and once you're fully in, he releases a high pitched moan. You're about to comment on it but decided against it, slowly starting to thrust in and out.

Ryan's eyes are shut tight, his mouth open as breathy high pitched moans escape him every time you push back in. You start to speed up, your hold on his hips getting tighter as you groan. One of his arms reaches out behind him, looking for something to grab onto and knocking over a cup of pencils and pens in the process. He grabs onto the edge of the desk, the whole thing rocking with you, things falling over and being knocked onto the floor.

You dig your nails into the man's skin, and his head falls back as he cums, landing on his chest and stomach. His cock twitches from the sensitivity when you only speed up more, pounding into him. He moans loudly, not caring if there's anyone still in the vicinity.

His legs squeeze tighter around you as he loudly begs you not to pull out with a lot of expletives. You groan out a “fuck” and bury yourself in him, releasing your load and riding out your high before slowing to a stop.

You both are silent while trying to catch your breath. Eventually, you pull out slowly, and back up, letting Ryan hop off the desk. He stumbles a little bit, his legs weak underneath him. He pulls his pants back up.

“I'm gonna go clean up, I'll be back.” He says, going off to the bathroom. You readjust your clothes, buttoning your shirt back up, and tying your tie back on the right way.

You try your best to fix Jim's desk, picking up all the stuff you knocked over and hoping he doesn't notice something is off. While you wait for Ryan, you think about the fact that you had sex with a coworker. In the place you work at. On top of your other coworkers desk.

You kind of understand why Ryan wanted to now, it was fun.

He comes back out, tie still loose and the top few buttons of his shirt undone, but his hair is fixed and he's less flushed. The two of you walk outside, walking past a few cleaners you did not know were in the building yet. Some of the camera crew are standing outside when you walk out the door and you almost jump. You and Ryan are silent before awkwardly going your separate ways to separate cars, the cameraman zooming into Ryan's marked up neck.

They had a lot of interesting questions to ask on Monday.

[sometimeslwish]

Something Just Like This (With Caleb)

I swear this fucker gave me so much trouble.

Just in case you guys don't know about the terms used for the intended audience:

M4F = male for female | M4M = male for male | M4A = male for anyone | M4TM = male for trans male | M4TF = male for trans female

Word count: 1,939

Tags: So voice acting, just general +18 content, Caleb being a bit of a freakazoid but what's new?, some shame, nothing too explicit, just mentions of fluff, smut, crack, little bit of parasocial relationships at the end.

Social media handles

Youtube

Started as CaptainAppleAsmr later rebranded into yourfriendlyneighborhoodva.

Instagram

Captaincaleb – private account, only the people closest to him have access. That's where he posts about his friends, selfies and other more personal things.

CaptainApple – secondary account, a bit messy but very him. Random pictures and videos of him (without his face in them) doing random shit, planes and beautiful skies, just little things that he likes. Gideon and Zayne sometimes make a bit of an appearance via body parts or voices.

Twitter 

Captainappleasmr – the other one had too many letters, so he couldn't rebrand it like he wanted to. Interacts a lot, like, it looks like he doesn't sleep (he does, he just sleeps like shit) because he does it at random hours of the day.

How it started

He started earlier than Zayne and it was a completely impulsive decision. He was bored when he stumbled into boyfriend asmr one day and listened out of pure curiosity, only to fall into a rabbit hole and decide to make an incredibly stereotypical boyfriend crack audio and post it for fun. The audio quality was shit, he kept breaking and laughing too much, you could even hear the contained laughter in his voice as he tried to get through the lines.

— It took him a few days between classes to finish editing and, at some point, Zayne even looked at him like he was considering taking him to the hospital because he kept giggling like a maniac.

— The audio was fairly short– barely made it to 8 minutes– so he decided to add the blooper reels at the end. It was mostly him bursting out with laughter and going:

“I'm crazy, this is crazy– no, this is downright psychotic” “Why am I doing this? Who gave me this idea?” “Am I okay? I don't think I am” “I might've lost my remaining sanity… this is so fun though” "Oh god, this is horrible, I love it” "For anyone wondering: no, I'm not on drugs, I'm on haribo gummy bears and an apple soda” 

— Everyone loved it and because he had a blast, he kept doing it and eventually stuck with it as a hobby. It was scripts that would play too much into the stereotypes of the different boyfriends (toxic, macho, brooding, all that shit) just pure crack and cringe one liners that would make him lose it. 

— Eventually, as he bought better equipment and wrote more scripts, he slowly started getting more serious and writing really good scripts that didn't play too much into things. 

— A year and a half into voice acting, he started doing collabs with other people. It started with bribing Zayne into one of his videos only for it to snowball into him doing more collabs with other people. It's the reason why he rebranded into yourfriendlyneighborhoodva. Sometimes he even organizes collab events.

— Gideon didn't become his editor until he interrupted Caleb while in the middle of filming an audio. At the time, they were only roommates, close enough to talk about chores, food and expenses but not close enough to be friends. Gideon used to be an editor for a different voice actor before they stopped doing audios altogether and left the community, and said voice actor had made a collab with Caleb once. So, when they had the whole “I'm a va but you gotta keep it a secret” conversation, Gideon offered to be his editor, using the past va as a way to show his editing. That's how their friendship started.

Channel

— Kind of tech/summer theme. The thumbnails look like a little interface with pops of color and his intros always have those satisfying little spaceship sounds. (What a fucking nerd and loser).

— His videos come out on saturdays, it took him a while to get into that schedule. He used to do it on tuesdays but then he missed one too many posts and kept moving the posting schedule along the week until it stopped at saturday.

— The videos are captioned, the subtitles are right in the center of the screen and big enough to be read from a safe distance. When asked, he said he just felt like doing that.

— All of them, M4A, M4F, M4M, M4TM, M4TF, it's like he's catering to the people. The nicknames he uses are pip-squeak, short stack, baby, pretty baby (mostly, but also girl, boy, lady), honey, cupcake, sunshine and many more.

— The fans begged and pleaded with him to do a Spiderman audio and, boy, did it go crazy. So that was the start of him adding non-human characters into the list of roles he played.

— Did an android boyfriend once, went great, found a way to make a series based on being a robot and now it's one of his most famous characters. The other one's that he's played are: pirates (space and sea), werewolves, angels and demons, knights, and a noble once (didn't really like it). 

— Has two famous series: X-02 (a story about two kids running away from a scientist facility) Into Farspace (a space colonel and a stow away falling in love).

— He lost a dare and his punishment was doing a puppy hybrid audio. It backfired horrendously, because 1) he enjoyed it, and 2) the fans loved it. It became a recurring character and his third most famous one.

His sfw content

— Enemies to lovers– proper enemies to lovers, not the bully bulshit (he hates it)– friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers, strangers to lovers. Every single "___ to lovers" under the sun, he has done it.

— The most dynamic: boy next door, classmate, work colleague, childhood friend. He's played barista, jock, baker, gardener, he's played adorkable nerd with his knowledge from planes. Very playful and teasing, great at playing a himbo, also alternates between playing the older and younger friend. He shifts through character tags like they're clothes and wears them like a pro. 

— Sometimes he does elaborate fantasy-action related audios and let me tell you, his pained grunts and screams are so incredibly realistic that hearing it the first time will shock you. I don't know how he does it.

— The softer stuff is just as all over the place as his character tags; cute cooking at home dates, road trips, cuddle scenes, play fights, calming you during a thunderstorm audios, getting stranded, the one bed scenario and many other ways of forced proximity that lead to romance. 

— Will play a yandere from time to time. He does them in different levels of danger and different sub-types. You have the sweet harmless ones, the possessive or obsessive ones. He's a huge fucking nerd in that area because he did a lot of research. He prefers doing yandere x yandere audios or yandere listener audios, it gives him the heebie jeebies to be the only yandere (His words in the Q&A).

— Blooper reels, the fans love it so much that he saves the bloopers from every video and compiles them into 10 minute videos. The same words or lines said repeatedly with different tones and fluctuations, clumsy moments where he bonks the mic or anything close to him, random noises outside followed by little crash outs, “Wait- what am I saying?” or “No- hold on- damn it” whenever he mispronounces a word or says the words in the wrong order. Moments where he breaks character, Gideon's voice making an appearance whenever he interrupts in the middle of filming, being a meme lord and humming any random melodies. Just… mundane things that make him more human and “just a guy” to his audience.

His nsfw content 

He wasn't really comfortable with it at the beginning. He’d get hard while saying the lines and the fake moaning made him feel so much shame he wanted to drop dead. He questioned his life choices multiple times, re-did the takes and stressed over the script even more. And there’s only so much shame you can feel while getting hard before it comes full circle and starts turning you on instead. 

— That being said, the first audio was filled with so much shame fuelled horniness that it turned into a ramblefap. He got too lost in the character and when he revised the audio, he decided to turn that mishap into a phone sex audio and leave the original script for another day. From then on, a light dose of self-degradation made its way into the list of kinks he does.

— His first few ramblefaps were times where he got too horny to be able to continue the script properly. He got a lot of encouragement on the first one, so he alternates between posting the derailed moments and recording when he gets horny. 

— He's done first times on both sides– speaker and listener– has done one night stands that ended in more and “one thing led to another” sex between friends. But when it comes to established relationships, he's a bit more loose. 

— Free use for both him and the listener, same with somnophilia and choking. It took him a while to do a bottoming audio– mans was flustered as fuck– but it became another thing he did occasionally in his audios once he got the hang of it. 

— That boy begs to be ordered around, he's eager and needy and just ready to please. He tried the mommy kink once and refuses to do it again, he can't admit to himself that he has a mommy kink. He'll call you master or mistress without even thinking about it, but mommy? Nope, he'll turn into the biggest brat there ever was. Which is worse, cause that's the reason he enjoys doing the bratty-sub audios. 

— He doesn't do many dom audios, but when he does get in the headspace to write a dom script, he's a lot more stern and assertive. He still focuses on the listeners pleasure and brat tames from time to time, but it's a rare treat. On those there's orgasm control, multiple orgasms for the listener, rough sex with some spanking and slight condescension. 

— He has two events that remind the fans of how much of a freakazoid he is; No Nut November (NNN) and the whole month of october. Both of those months go into the more slight dub-con and cnc route of things. This routine started because of a fan showing him a script that entailed some scream themed predator/prey consensual non-consent play in the woods. After that, October and November became the established months for more hard kink/taboo related stuff.

— His nsfw audios are the longest because he does aftercare at the end of them. Even for his porn without plot audios, the last 5 to 10 minutes will be dedicated to the aftercare.

Extra things

— Gideon only gets access to the audios that didn't end with Caleb jerking off. It's one thing to fake moans, it's another for your homie to hear you actually masturbate and as much as he has a thrill for danger, he's not about to play that game with his friend.

— No face reveal, he likes teasing (and distracting) the fans with hand pics and little clips of him exercising. All of the va's he's met in person always mention his muscles and height.

— Interacts a lot with his fans but makes sure to keep boundaries. Sometimes he'll do a live on instagram where they get to accompany him while he edits because having his phone occupied helps him from getting distracted. He tends to wear a mask and glasses in those situations.

Series masterlist.

[melon-kiss]

I know some of you don't speak Polish and we can't afford to translate 40-min-long chaotic interviews for you and I'm a bit bored (meaning: my brain wants a break from writing but I'm stubborn and I want to finish it TODAY), so I thought I'd give you a bit of a trivia based on interviews with the actors and the crew of 1670:

throughout all the interviews, no one really asked if we're getting season 2. I mean, someone did and the response was: "Well, we know nothing" but nobody really asked if they had any IDEA about what would happen in the next season

I'm not sure about the actors but the creative and directive levels went to a series of lectures on how people lived in Poland in the XVII century

they received a substantial funding, especially considering the directors were complete "no-names"

filming took 3 months, December through February 2022 if I recall

they all lived in an open-air museum in Kolbuszowa; in fact, almost all of the building were already there, they only had to build the house, the barn and the forge

there was no delay in filming, which is apparently rare in the industry but that was because they had a very tight schedule and couldn't afford staying longer in the museum

the last episode was filmed on one day and that was the last day of filming and because of technical issues with cameras working in the inn (the short shot of Maciej serving the pig to the Adamczewskis' table had to be re-done 20 times!), they had to completely rearrange the wedding party scenes, turning them into long shots; the entire labor/dancing scenes were supposed to be shot from 13 (!) different perspectives and be arranged in a "music video fashion"

one of the first episodes (if not THE first episode) to be filmed was episode 7

the script was written with Bartłomiej Topa (Jan Paweł) in mind, however, the actor wasn't really convinced about participating in this project and took his sweet, sweet time to decide on it; same goes to Dobromir Dymecki (Bogdan). Topa says it wasn't because he didn't find it good - it was because he was afraid that the project would be underfunded and therefore fail as projects like that usually don't get the attention they need in Poland

Bartłomiej Topa said he portrayed Jan Paweł as evil and conniving for the first two weeks of being on the set and the first scene they recorded was the one with the "Adamczycha" sign falling down; only after that time, after one scene in particular (don't remember which one, sorry), he finally saw the true nature of his character and changed his approach to the portrayal

surprisingly, Michał Sikorski (father Jakub), unlike Topa, thought of his character as a silly, innocent man and he changed his mind only after seeing the Aniela-Maciej dance scene where he says Love is peaceful, love is kind, love is... unacceptable - he understood he got to play a villain

the actors were FORBIDDEN to improvise; their lines had to be memorised prior to filming

they shot the barrel-cleaning scene (the thing they do before blowing the magnate's son's head up) for 2h because Bartłomiej Topa and Andrzej Kłak (well, he plays Andrzej) couldn't stop laughing; Topa mentions he doesn't even remember how they managed to get it done

all the mud was brought there ON PURPOSE

Kirył Pietruczuk (Maciej) is a debutante when it comes to film, however, he is the only actor in the crew with an acting degree; not only that - he graduated with honors

when asked about this, Michał Sikorski said: "Well, but it doesn't matter, does it? Because, even thought I haven't graduated, I got to play a nobleman and he... well..." (obv that was A JOKE; he is like the sweetest person ever!)

he also said he wrote a "Maciej's journal" during filming and spent a lot of time creating a backstory for his character; he said it was helping with the a-chronical shooting; he read one of the entries out loud in his interview

he jokingly said his favourite episode is the last one because he got to kiss Martyna (Aniela) there

as mentioned before, casting Maciej's role took the longest. They interviewed about 300 candidates and none of them fit. Kirył recalls it was right after he signed a deal with an agency for the first time in his life and he immediately received a call after his first cinema audition and it was 1670, of course! However, he reports that the process was extremely long - he had to go through several stages, each one of them revealing more and more of the script and he wasn't informed it would take that long

The creators said they looked for someone who'd understand the character and his role in the film - as he is the eyes and ears for us, people from XXI century. "He's basically like a viewer of the events, one of us", Kordian Kądziela (director, episodes 5-8) says. It was important he had a good chemistry with Martyna (she was the first and only "Aniela" he had to do short scenes with and the chemistry was immediate) and was able to break the fourth wall properly - he had to have the talent to comment current events with just one look and I personally think he does it perfectly. The actor was also supposed to be "easily likeable by girls"

The first scene they shot together - meaning as Aniela and Maciej - was the dance scene and Kirył says it's his favourite scene in the entire show

Kirył said the scene with the magnate's son was initially very aggressive on his part, however, after speaking to the directors, he decided to tone it down as it was, indeed, not fit for the character to be this angry

they all said, once they got down to it, they had a feeling they were a part of something special

Feel free to add your trivia or correct me if I'm wrong.

[copperbadge]

Supposedly, people with Anphantasia don't get scared reading scary stories, or at least not much. Is that true with you if you ever read Horror?

You know, I'd never thought about it, but I suppose it is. To an extent, anyway.

Follows a discussion of my relationship to horror prose and media; if you don't know what aphantasia is, as many people coming to this tumblr don't, I have a tag for it here that may help -- it's basically the lack of a "mind's eye", a visual imagination, so I hear/read things and don't see an image of them in my mind. If you are scoffing right now that nobody actually has a mind's eye, congratulations, you may also have aphantasia. The articles linked in the tag will be useful to you.

I have definitely been scared by prose before but it's very rare, and not much since I was a child, when the stories I found scary were preying on fears I already had. I loved the Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark books, and I think it's not unusual that I found the illustrations more frightening than the prose, but the only story that ever scared me was the one about the vampire who kept trying to grab a kid through a window -- because I had a window over my bed in my childhood bedroom and I was terrified I'd look up to see someone looking down at me through it. Likewise, as an adult, the only content in horror I find scary is what I think of as "mind horror" -- the loss of faculty or the loss of awareness of faculty (think the end scene of the novel Hannibal with the brain). Which is one of my biggest fears.

I don't read much horror because generally I get bored, which has in the past made me feel faintly appalled at myself, but which now makes more sense. Certainly I have no interest in slasher-style gore in prose, because I find it uninteresting and it goes on a really long time, while I don't watch it in movies/TV because the visual is upsetting -- so if I was getting the visual from the prose I might react more emotionally. I am a fan of Stephen King but mostly his early work where he was shorter on suspense, and I was reading it because I liked the ideas and the characters. Carrie is super interesting because of the personalities involved, not because of the violence or the horror aspects. But I've never seen a movie adaptation and I can imagine I would be deeply unsettled if not distraught by certain scenes if depicted visually. Although I didn't find the Hannibal TV series super upsetting (I mostly was put off by how bad I imagined Will smelled) so perhaps body horror just doesn't do it for me.

This may also explain my hard-no on zombie media, because I'm not scared at all of zombies, I just find them boring and gross, and that leaves the post-apocalyptic humans. My hard-no on post-apocalypse anything is an aversion to imagining the end of my world, though, which isn't visual, it's conceptual, and not scary, just upsetting.

Like, people kept suggesting Zombies Run! to me when I was taking up running and -- well, one, I needed the music to keep my pace, I didn't want it interrupted. But two, I didn't see why a bunch of random groaning noises would make me run faster. If you could see zombies chasing you in your head, yeah, that'd probably be more motivating.

It kind of explains too why I haven't written much horror. I used to be very curious about how people worked out what's "scary" in horror prose and I guess part of the curiosity came from not experiencing it myself. It's tough to know how to write a scary story when stories don't scare you.

To be clear, I definitely experience fear. Reading Stephen King's "It" didn't really scare me, but there were scary moments in the film adaptations. I startle at jumpscares. There's plenty of stuff in real life that I'm scared of. And even podcasts -- I don't get mental images during podcasts like apparently most people do, but Magnus Archives got me with the "digging into your pre-existing fears" thing once or twice, and while I didn't finish The Left Right Game (I just got bored) the hitchhiker scene definitely got me. But I think, unless it's playing on something conceptual that already existed, yeah, I don't find prose particularly frightening.

Huh. This feels like the kind of thing that could have a significant impact on my creative output if I could crowbar my way into it. Knowing that I as an aphantic don't need descriptions that other people do has already, I think, impacted my editing process, but this feels like it maybe would somehow have an effect on the whole thing -- the fact that I don't experience emotions when reading in the same way other people do because I don't get the visuals is something to meditate on.

How the fuck did I ever even become a writer. Like what's up with that.

(Ironically it was X-Files fanfic. X-Files, a show that very much did scare me, for which I wrote and read a lot of fanfic, none of which did...yikes. Well, that's something to meditate on for the weekend.)

[seriousfic]

Kraven The Hunter

This actually isn't half-bad. It seems like everyone involved tried to make a Real Movie, but through ADR and reshoots and editing, the whole thing was dragged towards a 90s idea of a comic book movie... dreck like Elektra. But it's still a street-level superhero crime movie with a murderous vigilante in the lead. I think if you just put Jason Statham in the middle of it, it'd jump up half-a-star or so. The R rating especially seems like something they vacillated on. You get some f-bombs in subtitles and ADR, but very few in dialogue until the final act. Likewise blood, with just some CGI squibs into the third act, when there's one action scene that's just cutting from one gore moment to another. Surely, they could manage to be a bit more holistic with this stuff.

-Put concisely, it's the kind of movie where Aaron-Taylor Johnson does put on a pretty swanky version of his famous lions-mane costume, as seen on the poster. But only in the VERY LAST SCENE. Yes. They Surf Dracula Kraven wearing his costume.

-Johnson and Ariana DeBose are both borderline bad in this, especially compared to their comic book shelves. Wait, is it Taylor-Johnson? Whatever. ATJ's Kraven is not a brooding, Byronic Russian big-game hunter, but a quippy American-accented punch-man (sample line of dialogue: Gosh, you're heavy!). More Manimal than anything else. While Calypso goes from jungle girl shamaness (hey, it's a living) to boring American-British lawyer-person? Her chief role in the plot is to give Kraven the potion that makes him have abs; to make up for this, the movie reiterates that she's a 'strong woman' and that her potion-dispensing family is a long line of 'powerful women' ad nauseam. Yes, exactly like a politician going over talking points in an interview. I've seen ATJ be good in other things (and I've seen DeBose in Love Hurts), so I don't know why they're both so gormless here.

-For a character who splits his time between Russia and Africa (and America, I suppose), this movie spends a lot of runtime in London, where Papa Kraven runs the underworld. I suppose you'd be hard-pressed to film in Russia given the current clime, but it just feels odd that you have the characters bouncing around willy-nilly, being educated in America, working in London, just to keep the plot up and running. Maybe it fit together more neatly at the script stage, but it's weirdly messy in the finished product.

-There's some affecting family drama with Russell Crowe as the Kraven family patriarch (he either knows what kind of movie he's in or made a good guess that this wasn't going to turn out to be Gladiator). He actually does a Russian accent! Thank you! And Fred Hechinger as the family's black sheep. It's pretty standard anti-toxic masculinity drivel (how dare Dad have stereotypical masculine interests!), but there's some noteworthy stuff about how Kraven rebelling against his father (by taking out criminals with his ginormous pecs) also makes him the kind of son Daddy Kraven would be proud of.

-I don't like the idea of the Rhino, of all people, being a Big Bad--even weirder, he has the Foreigner as a henchman. Shouldn't it be the other way around? And this version tries too hard to ape the MCU Mandarin by having him motivated by a minor scolding from Papa Kraven. But I'll say this for him, he's not boring. Alessandro Nivola makes him a twitchy little freak who doesn't transform into the Rhino, but uses drugs to perpetually suppress being the Rhino, because the mad science experiment both made him invincible and left him in constant pain. That's good stuff, man. We've had some pretty dull villains from the MCU of late and you just can't say this guy doesn't know he's a comic book supervillain.

-This movie has maybe the most unnecessary kid-to-adult time skip since Jumper, with 22-year-old Levi Miller Kraven transforming into 34-year-old ATJ Kraven just because ATJ is a bigger name. I'm not saying he could pass for a high schooler necessarily, I just think it's weird that Kraven's feud with his dad basically goes on pause for sixteen years so he has time to mature into an actor with more box office draw.

-They give Foreigner some sort of power where he can either hypnotize people or move at superspeed, which is of course such an unbeatable power that you have to wonder how even Kraven can take him out. The solution is just to shoot him while he isn't looking, which seems like bad form to me. C'mon, you can come up with something cleverer than that, can't you?

[being-of-rain]

In the days before The Legend of Ruby Sunday, I thought to myself 'RTD did a lot of big bombastic series finales in his day, and always with Classic Who villains. But that was fifteen years ago. Maybe he's mellowed.' Dear readers, he had not.

Here's my thoughts on the episode! But fair warning, they're mostly that it was just okay. I mean it was fine. It was a fun, mindless bit of build-up and spectacle. Of course it was very much a Part One, so a lot of my thoughts are just 'I wonder where this will go next episode.'

Firstly, I don't think I'm a massive fan of RTD's method of story arcs, which is to sprinkle references to something throughout a season that'll be part of the final story without much elaboration. It feels less like a story, and more like a drawn-out teaser for the finale. And continuing a trend that started in RTD's last full season that I'm not crazy about, there was so many arcs and plot hooks too. Before the episode my brother and I listed as many we could think of, and it actually addressed almost all of them, plus one or two we forgot about or thought wouldn't come back. It started to feel like the characters were ticking off a shopping list of questions. And I know that these things basically just exist for fans to speculate about. And I can't pretend I didn't have fun joking and memeing about all the arc elements with other fans. But as someone who both isn't really that interested in genuinely theorising about how a series is going to end (odd for a Dr Who fan, I know) and who really likes story/character arcs that develop over time, I guess I'm just not the target audience. This season the arcs have pricked my curiosity, but not much more than that - except make me wish they did more with the supernatural elements than a few badly-conceived gods and the cool fairy circle episode.

Anyway, Sutekh! In the last few years the TV show has done the Morbius Doctors, Beep the Meep, the Toymaker, the Shalka Doctor... I really shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore, but I still sit in bemused shock when a finale revolves around Susan and Sutekh. And that is pretty fun. We had basically nothing of Sutekh this episode, so I'm very interested what the next episode will do with him.

I'm especially curious how much it'll dip into the Egyptian mythology aspect. Because on one hand, Pyramids of Mars is sorta built on the problematic and awkward trope that aliens at least inspired Egyptian culture. On the other hand, I think the Egypt link & aesthetic is a big part of Sutekh's identity as a villain/monster. I remember being bored when Big Finish tried to divorce him from it in their latest audio with him (but tbh I trust RTD to at least do a more entertaining story than that, even if he's boiling Sutekh down into simply a God of Death). Similarly, I think a really big part of why Sutekh made a big impact on the original Dr Who fandom is how he was a genuine overwhelming threat to the Doctor, something that probably won't be as big of a shock today. But the final part of Sutekh's identity is Gabriel Woolf, and he's absolutely as entertaining as ever.

As for Susan, after all that drama it'd almost be stranger if she didn't appear in some form in the finale. I'm wondering if Mrs Flood is Susan, something that's really weird to say seriously after thinking people were wrong about her being an important character for 6 months. At the very least I really hope they give Carole Ann Ford some kind of cameo, because it'd be such a missed opportunity if the very first companion actress was still alive and they didn't do anything with her.

What else? Mel continues to be lovely, and I continue to wonder if there's any reason it was her in particular who was brought back or if it was just to have a classic Who companion hanging around. Rose continues to be precious, and her instant bonding with Ruby is just adorable. I missed Ruth Madeley's Shirley, I assume it was filming conflicts that led to her being replaced by a preteen? When Harriet was introduced I distinctly remember thinking 'oh she's cute, I hope she sticks around.' And the Vlinx continues to have 1-2 lines and no explanation.

The VHS-powered time window was an extremely cool concept, but I feel like it didn't look as good and distinct as it could have. I'm not totally certain what I'd have done different but I still felt underwhelmed. And I'll say something I've said a lot, but I wish there was at least some vague rules to things like the time window. I don't care about scientific accuracy or real life logic, only narrative logic; if anything can happen with only a bit of poetry to justify it, the stakes and losses and victories aren't nearly as satisfying.

And this might make me sound like someone who looks for anything to complain about, but I feel there's something off about how UNIT is depicted recently. Like it's being glorified and simplified as 'the good guys' maybe more than it has any time before in the TV show's history. And it feels especially awkward when some of the UNIT characters are armed and armoured soldiers. I'm just very not in the mood to heroise someone who I might see committing war crimes on the news, you know. So I'm not really a fan of this version of UNIT and how it's consuming so many past companions.

Anyway!

Mystery Woman 1 (Susan): Sutekh. Mystery Woman 2 (Mrs Flood): Susan? Mystery Woman 3 (Ruby's mum): At this point I have to assume it's the Rani or Iris Wildthyme or Gillian Who or something.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE NOTEBOOK *  assorted dialogue from the 2004 film, adjust as necessary

i am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and i've led a common life.

you know you're not allowed.

it's against the rules.

they fell in love, didn't they?

i see you got my letters, finally.

i know that they happened, and they were wonderful.

they didn't agree on much.

don't do me any favors.

what am i gonna do in new york?

you wanna walk with me?

i'm not usually like this. i'm sorry.

i could be fun if you want. i could be pensive. smart. superstitious. brave.

the way i see it, i've got three choices. one, i can shoot him. two, i can kick the crap out of him. or three, i leave you.

please don't do this. you don't mean it.

wherever she is, that's where my home is.

none of those options get me to you.

look at us. we're already fighting.

you go back to your room.

stay out of trouble.

you just tell me what you want, and i'm gonna be that for you.

you're dumb.

come on. one date.

it was an improbable romance.

should i be worried?

they were crazy about each other.

it was real, wasn't it?

we were just a couple of kids.

get in the water.

you know what? i'm gonna do it. it's over. okay? it's over.

so what?

we really loved each other, didn't we?

i love to paint.

will you go out with me?

you leave me no other choice.

don't touch me! i hate you!

i'm sorry, baby. please just get in.

do you think our love can make miracles?

it's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises.

you gotta be kidding me. all this time, that's what i've been missing?

why don't you just go then?

well, that's what we do. we fight.

it's not gonna be easy. it's gonna be really hard.

i'm not bitter anymore because i know that what we had was real.

what's that supposed to mean?

let's do it again.

just wait a minute. we're not really breaking up are we?

we can just finish out the summer and see what happens then.

will you do something for me, please?

it's not gonna be easy. it's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, forever, everyday. you and me... everyday.

it wasn't over for me.

you know that i want to give you all the things that you want, right?

science only goes so far and then comes god.

i was just going for a walk. i couldn't sleep.

what happens if a car comes?

money. he's got a lot of money.

i wanna go out with you.

i lost you once, i think i can do it again.

there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.

you smug bastard. i hate you for saying that.

do you think our love can take us away together?

i waited for you for seven years.

don't you take the easy way out.

you're bored. you're bored and you know it.

stay with you? what for?

what easy way? there is no easy way. no matter what i do, somebody gets hurt.

you have like a two second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

i think our love can do anything we want it to.

you wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, i'll smile at you with joy, and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.

i have to go now.

well, you can't have everything.

if you're a bird, i'm a bird.

would you like some breakfast?

i wrote you 365 letters. i wrote you every day for a year.

in one respect i have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: i've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

it wasn't over. it still isn't over.

would you stop thinking about what everyone wants?

would you just stay with me?

i couldn't sleep last night because i know that it's over between us.

the best love is the kind that awakens the soul, and makes us reach for more.

you tell me when i am being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you are a pain in the ass. which you are... 99% of the time.

i love you. i'll be seeing you.

that's my sweetheart in there.

why didn't you write to me?

you arrogant son of a bitch.

it's normal not to forget your first love.

i already know i should be with you.

i'm not afraid to hurt your feelings.

what do you want?

it's not that simple.

goddamn it, what do you want?

the doctor needs to see you.

don't you go away. i'll be right back.

i don't know any tunes.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

if you're interested to know about the show- you really didn't miss much lol especially you having been a fan for so long what they showed in AYS wasn't anything we haven't seen before except for not hiding their bodies like they usually do. The show didn't show me anything new about their dynamic or them as people. They spent 80% of the time at restaurants or just eating the other 10% was actual activities 5% of them talking (which by the way they really have nothing substantial to talk about it which was probably the only surprising thing about this show- their conversations were either bringing up the other members or them bickering about something dumb) you can tell there was alot of dead silence that was edited out because one moment they're talking then it gets quiet then it cuts to them on their phone lol the last 5% i would say was what people consider typical jikook like jimin being affectionate playful touches yadda yadda yadda

all in all it was kind of eh. I feel as though tbe target audience was for heavily jikook biased only because as an outsider I can't imagine how boring it must have been- even for an army I bet it was okay for them.

Hi, thank you. It's okay, though 😅

After so many years I've learned how to navigate through content and watch only the parts I'm interested in, and that's basically what I did to watch Jimin's clips because I wanted to see what he looked like, or some of his opinions.

I can also tell when something might be relevant or it could be new information, so I watch that too. I'm also able to realize if I need more context around a clip or gif, and in that case I usually look for a longer clip, subtitles, translations, etc. I might even go to the source and watch the episode myself, which is what I did for example when taekook had that conversation in ITS 1. I never watched the show, but I have watched that episode. Gifs, pictures and clips without context are reactionary mostly, and people post them for fun or whatever. But when you go to the source content more often than not is not that impressive after getting the full picture.

As for the show, there's a post I made months ago, around the time it was announced, where I said I had questions about 2022, 2023, and they weren't going to give me answers, so I couldn't bring myself to be interested. And nothing has proven me wrong so far. Them saying they didn't really meet up in 2023 wasn't one of my questions, I was already certain of that so it was more of a confirmation. All in all, I knew how they were going to act because I've been watching them every single day for the past 7 years.

Watching Jimin listen to his music was probably the most relevant thing to me lol. Because we hadn't really seen that! He basically went MIA a while after face, and besides from the hot 100 live, we didn't get to see many of his reactions to his own music. I'm not talking about reacting to achievements but him just listening and appreciating his songs.

Also, his body. Like. I really thought we'd never ever see his full moon tattoo that way.

I've started watching the last episode because it's one of the last stuff Jimin filmed before enlisting, so I want to see it. I still haven't finished it, but yeah I'm watching that just fyi.

I disagree that Jimin was touchy, though. In fact I've noticed he's rather reserved in his interactions with Jungkook, compared to what he used to be like up to 2021ish. But that's also something that's been noticeable for a couple of years. For the record, I don't think any of them were touchy or clingy or none of that stuff. There's a reason the only clip people I've seen people use of them touching is the one from the first or second episode 😭 that's like 1 minute out of 9 hours of content.

[berrypass-de-murdler]

1. Murder in Hollywood

It's the show version my good murdlers.

First thing to make clear, is there a design for every character no, but WILL there be a design for every character, planning on it yes, so uh... Dame Obsidian will be here eventually rip. Check the first post for designed characters ofc

BUT FOR THIS EPISODE...

DEDUCTIVE LOGICO - he's a magnifying glass and the logo... obviously lmao. Follows his in-book physical description to a 0, my deepest apologies, when I made this smol man I couldn't imagine him to be 6 feet tall, as such, the heights of the characters will be (sometimes very) off. Such as Logico being 3'4". Anyway, cartoon Logico is British, has an extreme Napoleon complex, and a humorously high-pitched voice for his angy personality. In this version he was originally just an actor who played a detective in the Midnight movies, until he naturally ends up in the face of real murder, day after day after day after

THE AMAZING AUREOLIN - my very first design, I was so stupidly proud of her original sketch that I turned it into... this entire project. I LOVE MY RABBIT DAUGHTER AND NO ONE CAN LAY A HAND ON HER - she made me get invested in the storyline after being framed and shit. ANYWAY, unlike most of the Murdlers who just kind of resemble animals, Auree is... just a rabbit. She is also British because because, and in this storyline, she was suspected of murdering her husband after he left her for making too little income. Now she has to raise her Marshmallow Peep-looking triplets on her own, with a target on her back at all times... I love her sm

MIDNIGHT III - For the least creative design there is probably, and the only non-anthro character, have this man whose design is so boring, he doesn't even get an official artwork, I just scribbled him in two seconds. A tiny blob of smoke even smaller than Logico, he sounds more or less exactly like Red Guy from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared and is... that. He doesn't even have eyes underneath his shades!! In this storyline, Midnight is Logico's boss from the beginning, and convinces him to take up real-life detective work.

Dame Obsidian is planned to unsurprisingly be a golem-type creature

DON'T READ THE EPISODES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK!!!

But anyway, the summary/dialogue:

Logico drinks his coffee somehow, despite not having a mouth, so he kind of just pours it down his coat, like... eh???

LOGICO: MY!!! That is simply the PERFECT temperature.

He watches a screening of one of his detective films and squeals like a little girl. Midnight III, his boss, greets him with news.

MIDNIGHT: You need to stop doing it in the film. You need to do it for real.

Logico doesn’t want to.

LOGICO: I don’t give a shit about a murder!

Midnight has a plan.

MIDNIGHT: Fine. Just come to the high-end Hollywood party we’ve invited you to, with all the best directors, and Dame Obsidian.

LOGICO: KI-KA-KU-FE-JET WHAAAAT? I ADORE Obsidian’s work!! I MUST GO, I MUST GO, I MUST GO!!! [jumps around like an idiot]

MIDNIGHT: Good. See you there.

He goes to the party. Midnight is there and The Amazing Aureolin is doing tricks. Logico meets his idol Obsidian.

OBSIDIAN: YES, YES, VERY EXCITING I’M A BUSY WOMAN.

LOGICO: Oh… my dear heart!

Anyway, one of the directors drops dead in a bathtub - inappropriate!! Logico REALLY doesn’t want to have to do this but his inner workings are tingling and he has to know who does it. 

MIDNIGHT: Look at my pipe, it’s nice isn’t it. LOGICO: No one cares, Midnight, this is a crime scene! OH… YOU’RE ONE OF THE SUSPECTS!!  MIDNIGHT: Hurray.

Logico digs Obsidian out of the seats. Aureolin acts extra sus and fights audibly with her.

AUREOLIN: I trusted you! I trusted you and your fork, you dumb… fork!  OBSIDIAN: THIS WOMAN IS ACCUSING ME OF MURDERRR 

Logi gets a call from a voice blabbing about how ironic it was that Obsidian had a fork… and ate with it. 

LOGICO: Oh, hahaha, eating, with a for- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??

In the end, Logico places the blame with his answer. 

OBSIDIAN: OOH, SHOCKER, IT WAS THE LITTLE ONE. AUREOLIN: …Obsidian!... 

Auree fights for her claim.

AUREOLIN: I thought you said you were a detective! You have no proof of what you’re saying! LOGICO: My proof is plenty - the other two suspects did not do it!  AUREOLIN: Who do you think you are?? MIDNIGHT: She’s fighting it, she’s clearly guiltyyy

Guards grab Auree and drag her away.

AUREOLIN: No cell can hold me! You know what you did! I’ll have you a- MIDNIGHT: Shut uuuupppp LOGICO: I suppose… I kind of did give a LITTLE shit about a murder. MIDNIGHT: Good. That’s your new job. LOGICO: MY NEW JOB?!?!?

THE END-

Episodes are formulaic bc book format, so some will be shorter than others when nothing much happens, but hey, time for short king to solve a hundred murders!!

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See ya next time murdlers!!

[artficlly]

Hey Lovely 💞,

I wanted to send this as soon as I read the newest chapter of Lessons in Lovemaking but neither found the right words (I'm quite obviously not a writer) nor time to do so, but well here we are so bare with me while I try to put my adoration for you into words. (I might repeat myself a bit, but it doesn't hurt to sing your praises twice as you deserve it).

Regarding Lessons in Lovemaking as a whole:

It's a story that really stays with you and haunts your thoughts for the next few days while you're just doing the dishes or having the water run down your back while in the shower. I feel like it rewired my brain in a sense (the way good books do) cause I keep thinking about Reader and Bucky and all that's going on with them and their pasts and how they each deal with their backstories.

And your use of the widows concept and the Red Room is so well done and so believable and haunting at the same time. I, too, wish the Red Room would have been explored more within the films and the consequences it had on these girls. Also, I admire the social commentary you manage to weave into your writings in such an effortless yet meaningful way.

I live for the angst you're including and I understand what you mean with that this website loves smut but this story is a lot more than sex scenes and even its sexual content does feel very intimate in a way that I even forget it's smut sometimes because its also about them and their individual journey and the smut drives the story instead of just being smut (which don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with that either it's just not what the essence of Lessons in Lovemaking is to me).

In conclusion:

I actually love the whole story so much I often gotta take breaks while reading one chapter to gather my thoughts and emotions (plus I read the chapters in the dark between 3 and 4am for it to just be me, the story and the possibility to fully indulge in the emotions and angst you make me feel so deeply).

Lessons in Lovemaking makes me want to print out the whole story once it's finished and bind it in beautiful cloth binding with gold foiling on the cover to put it on my bookshelf and keep it safe and remembered.

Additionally, I wanna talk about Close Quarters:

It's also so beautifully written (tbf all of your works are) and feels like reading an actual fantasy book due to your world building and way of explaining without ever stating facts too bluntly and obviously but instead including necessary information in snippets of actions and conversations.

Oh and I haven't gotten around to reading your newest piece yet but I'm so looking forward to it (on the to-do-list for tonights 3am insomnia, but the summary already sounds so good).

Also:

I thoroughly enjoy reading all your answers to asks and am actually kinda interested in your rant on current YA novels.

Hope you're feeling better again, and congrats on your follower milestone. You deserve it🥰

- 🩵 anon (again)

hello!! oh my gosh a whole essay in my inbox hehe <3 you're so sweet and kind. you know how people are like foaming at the mouth when their favourite fic is updated?? that is me but when people send fun stuff to my inbox hehe

firstly tysmm for all these kind words!! i do feel like I've been going round in circles in what i reply to these inbox essays so i won't go too into depth.

i'll talk about two things in regards to lessons in lovemaking, because i'm sure everyone is bored to fucking death hearing my authors note comments about this series.

1. thank you! there is some stuff i WISH i could talk about but i feel it might enter spoiler territory.

2. i'm so glad you think that about the smut!! i try to make it?? wholesome?? idk. equal parts horny as well. this is going to sound dumb but i don't enjoy writing smut unless there's a build up. i need reason, tension. i want it to feel like a reward for getting through my thousands of words of fucking yapping. i don't think i can be that girl who writes only writes smut and i'm sorrryyy because i know the tumblr lurkers love it but i wouldn't enjoy it. there are plenty of way more talented smut writers who will write that for you. i'm not that girl i'm sorry </3 i kind of have this fear that once LiL is over no one will read my work. i have these projects coming up that are longer series which are SLOW BURN. i don't know... i just sometimes like this romantic idea of smut having a reason. like each smut section is catered to those characters and their world rather than just *and they fuck*. I've been guilty of trying to do that in the past to keep with the popular trends but it just makes me unhappy and not like my work. the stuff I've been putting out recently where i really spend time thinking about the characters, dynamics, worlds has been so much fun. i was genuinely grinning and crying and laughing writing 'this is (not) fine'. same with 'the art of pretending'. so yeah, i appreciate it. my smut is not always gonna be some hot fantasy </3

also if u print it out and bind it send a pic. u won't LMAO. i jest, i used to uhhh bind books for my art degree. gotta judge ur technique hehe.

anway CLOSE QUARTERS!!

okay so i know like 5 people read that fic but i am going to write more parts. i don't care. i want to do it. i have so many ideas i am foaming at the mouth like a rabid animal. if anyone who follows me is reading this and hasn't read close quarters... uhhh go give it a read and then let me know that now 6 people have read that fic LMAO

i love world building! i love it i love it i love it!!! i'm going to write so many au fics none of you asked for!!!

anyway tysmmmm hehe <3 and thanks for letting my ramble per usual. you're probably SICK of me. also in regards to the YA rant, i wrote it but i got to nervous to post in case people hated me sorry </3

thank u again. i have a 2k event/celebration coming any day now hehe :)

[891movies]

392 to go

Delicatessen (1991, dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet & Marc Caro): I don't really have much to say about this movie. It was fun and charming but pretty forgettable, a quintessential 3/5 movie to me.

Get Carter (1971, dir. Mike Hodges): There's a certain base level of misogyny you have to get used to if you watch a lot of old movies but sometimes it becomes so overt, so violent that it completely ruins the viewing experience. Like yeah, Michael Caine is incredible and the cinematography and score are great. But every single female character in this movie exists to be sexualized, victimized and brutalized, sometimes all three, and it happens with such frequency that it becomes impossible to ignore or to enjoy the rest of the movie.

Marnie (1964, dir. Alfred Hitchcock): Speaking of violent misogyny haha. It's different here, though, because it's kind of the point - even if I don't think it was completely intended to be by Hitchcock. Tippi Hedren brings such an incredible energy to this role. The image of her standing in frozen in Sean Connery's arms, completely disassociating from her body as the inevitability of what's about to happen sets in, will haunt me forever, I think.

Jules and Jim (1962, dir. François Truffaut): For the first thirty minutes I was sure this movie would be an all time favorite for me but the rest of the film doesn't really live up to the first part set in 1910s Paris. But it's still great, make no mistake!

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971, dir. Robert Altman): As always Altman is cynical as all hell but damn if he isn't good at it.

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979, dir. Werner Herzog): Figured I'd better knock this one out before seeing Eggers' version and I'm so happy I did. The vibes? Impeccable. This movie is slow, unsettling, and absolutely gorgeous to look at.

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986, dir. Woody Allen): I believe this is the last Allen movie I had left on the list and I am very relieved to have him out of the way. That said, I think I could have really loved this movie if I didn't know what I know about Woody Allen.

The Natural (1984, dir. Barry Levinson): God I was bored. On the upside, this movie gave us one of the best episodes of The Simpsons.

Up next: With this post, I have officially watched 500 movies from the list since starting this project. I did a top 25 list after my first 250 and I have been really looking forward to doing a second one, so look out for that! (I'm also gonna do a worst list but probably not until the project is finished.)

I also had the idea of watching one movie a year since the year I was born up to 2020 (the most recent year covered by the list), to sort of track the cinematic landscape as it has changed in my lifetime. I checked and I have at least one movie left in each year, so it's doable! Next movie will be from 1992, and it will probably be A Tale of Winter.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

You know, instead of making this a reblog of my post. I'm going to make it its own. This concerns this one. https://www.tumblr.com/geekgemsspooksandtoons/749080478974443520/you-know-i-just-wanna-say-this-now-i-actually?source=share

I was actually very surprised that post got some attention. I'm guessing a lot of people agreed with me. Granted, I think my criticisms could've been clearer because I hadn't seen Predators in years. And I seem to agree with certain things someone like Cordz has said. But glad people understand why I guess I don't talk much about Predators.

And I want to say this here too. You know, I totally understand if some fans aren't really into the "Space Samurai" idea with the Yautja lore in the comics. Or more so, they don't like them being similar to something like the Kilngon's from Star Trek. It's not for everyone. I can understand if some people simply want...the Predators to be all...assholes in a sense? I mean, they kill people. This is a very "Chaotic Neutral" species.

Granted, I'll always fuckin hate the idea of them being "Rich dentists" or just...watching Movie Bob's video of "STOP TRYING TO MAKE US LIKE THE PREDATOR" I still hate this video. This video is stupid. This dude didn't watch the movie right. And comparing it to Eric Trump WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?! God, I hate this video.

Dude, I feel offended watching that and I can't finish it. Movie Bob isn't a nice dude anyway, and he sucks at reviewing crap. He's also a stalker in a sense, but this isn't about him Listen, I get understand the Yautja lore isn't for everyone. I do think the best course of option or what I think is maybe a balance of the two. Or how I want to see it. Sure, there's an honor code. But maybe most of the race are basically assholes and there are few that pretty okay.

You got Diablo from the first film. Pretty much the perfect example of an "Asshole" who simply enjoys the hunt. To where I may sound crazy. But ever since I was a kid, it looks like that dude smiles a few times before and after he beats the shit out of Dutch. He's very aware he could kill Dutch so easily, but he'd rather give him a 'Fair fight' after seeing what Dutch was capable of.

And then there's Dachande from the original AVP comic who is pretty much a big contrast from Diablo who doesn't even hunt humans. Granted, it seems weird I'm using a character from a comic. But I genuinely love the idea that not all Predators are the same. The idea of them or canon thing that they are nomadic, it gives variety and makes the species much more interesting. It'd be...kind of boring if all of them were the same.

But hey, this is what happens when you make a sequel and expand a universe. Yet honestly, the idea of a species not conquering other planets, but instead choosing to hunt all sorts of species is still scary. And the idea that they are aware of what they are doing.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

058 of 2025

[ created by @ausmuh ]

If your significant other was in a band and you couldn’t stand their music at all, would you tell them or would you pretend you liked it?

I would be honest that it's not my type, but likely I would enjoy at least one song.

Do you believe that you can have love without sex, and vice versa?

I believe others can, and some do, but for me, love without sex is normal. Just like for many aces out there. I can live without sex, easily. I'd rather read a book or travel somewhere. Sex is boring to me personally, it always feels like a chore.

Do you think you are a naïve person? Give an example of a time you were naïve.

I think I'm not, or at least not anymore. I got disappointed by many people in life and it has taught me a lesson.

Do you find it difficult to spend time with people who don’t talk a lot?

Not at all. My husband is one of these people, and spending time with him in silence when each is doing his own things is very comforting to me. I like comfortable silence.

Can you think of a specific joke you didn’t understand at first, but later understood?

No. Probably there were too many of them :P

Have you ever taken melatonin?

No, I was taking stronger sleeping pills, but they didn't do shit to me.

Have you ever interacted with someone on the internet who you thought was “dangerous” or that you felt intimidated by?

Yeah. I even got a stalker for several years. Big trauma, I'm happy it's over.

What is your overall opinion of your generation? Do you think you are an accurate representation of what it is “like”?

I'm a millennial and I have a feeling we are the last ones to actually play outside as kids without using much technology. Not like people these days, always looking in smartphones.

If you get really obsessed with something, do you like to share it with people or do you like to keep it to yourself?

I love sharing my special interests with others. Too bad they're so niche that there's no one to share them with :P

Have you ever been interested in joining a fraternity or sorority? Are you / have you been in one?

No and no.

How long do your obsessions with things usually last?

It depends. My special interests are lifelong, my hyperfixations come and go, but they always come back.

Name some books or films that you couldn’t finish because of how boring or terrible you thought they were.

The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls by Emilie Autumn. No matter how much I try, I can't push further. She claims it's her autobiography, but it feels fake af, especially knowing that miss Autumn is a fake person with fabricated life.

Is there somewhere you’ve been to that you expected to be different than it turned out to be?

Yes, Poland. Way better and more interesting than I expected.

Have you ever had any kind of relationship with a manipulative person? Did you get out of the relationship, and if so, how?

Yes, with my first ex. He was emotionally manipulative, thankfully he ended it all. He broke up with me and then threatened me with suicide, I called the police, they found him in his room, playing video games. He didn't do anything to himself, he just played on my nerves.

What would be the best gift someone could give you right now?

Warm bed sheets, or heated blanket or something like that.

What is something you think everyone should get the opportunity to do in their life?

Being genuinely happy. We all deserve happiness in these dark times.

What is something that you’d like to take a class on? Do you think you will ever do so?

I'd like to get a shortwave radio licence, nothing beyond that. I hope I will eventually get there. For classes, maybe something about disability accommodations?

Do you tell yourself any daily affirmations?

No, I don't. I'm not sure if they work, actually.

What was the last item of clothing you saw that you absolutely loved?

That hoodie I purchased recently. So cool print, these two flags in the form of hands forming a heart.

Is there anything you never talk about offline that you talk about frequently online, or vice versa?

Yeah, probably past traumas. It's somewhat easier online than IRL.

Have you ever taken a test to determine what you EQ (emotional intelligence) is?

Yes, at the psychologist. Apparently it's low, but what can we expect from an autistic person.

How often would you say airplanes fly over your house?

A lot, but they're so high I can't hear them.

As a little kid, were you afraid of dogs? Are you still afraid of them, or of any other animal?

I'm not afraid of dogs, but I'm not a dog person. I love cats, I like big dogs, but small dogs I find annoying, sorry. So often small dogs are more noisy than big dogs.

What is an item of clothing that you feel doesn’t look good on you at all?

Lol. I better don't answer this.

I can’t think of a question but my surveys need to end on a multiple of 5 so talk about something you’d like to talk about here:

I love you all.

[bereft-of-frogs]

friday roundup + a list

I follow a few people who do monthly reading/etc updates and I have always enjoyed reading them and been slightly jealous that I couldn't seem to stick too it, it always felt too overwhelming for the end of the month and I'd put it off, but! idea! combine with my little friday list posts which I'd also stopped doing because I was afraid they were boring so...combo might be interesting enough for me to keep doing them!

reading:

Cabin at the End of the World - Paul Tremblay: I liked this one, especially how, similar to The Pallbearer's Club, you end the novel not really knowing what was real or not and the point is it doesn't matter what was real, only how the characters understood reality.

Bloom - Delilah S Dawson: For book club. It definitely had it's issues (it didn't start off super well), but it was short and captured that fun Hannibal-like energy, where the foreshadowing is super obvious and you're just like noooo nooooooooo girl don't eat it! (I was gratified to get to the acknowledgments and find it was indeed inspired by Hannibal.)

(in progress) Lord of the Rings: Keeping on track with the one-chapter-a-day read through for Lent! We just finished The Two Towers today, onto Return of the King tomorrow.

(in progress) (phone book) Light of the Jedi - Charles Soule: So I'm trying to keep one book going on my phone (a 'phone book' lol) to prevent doomscrolling, and right now I'm rereading the High Republic series and continuing on. I fell behind after Phase 1 ended, but I'd really like to catch back up. Light isn't my favorite of this series and it's not my least favorite -- tbh I stopped reading after Phase 1 because I hated Midnight Horizon that much, I'll be skipping that one on this reread -- I read a review when it first came out that said it felt like the whole novel was inciting incident and I think that's exactly it, it has to do a little bit too much to establish the setting and characters, and never really feels like it gets going. Besides, I tend to like things a little crunchier, so some of the optimism of the start gets kind of grating for me personally. Much prefer the followups and the aftermath, but this isn't bad and it's certainly better than doomscrolling!

(in progress) Notes on an Execution - Danya Kukafka : This is so good. It's so good. I waited a while for the library hold and it was 100% worth the wait, it has that literary fiction style that I really love in my genre fiction on occasion.

watching (tv):

The Bequeathed (Netflix): Didn't live up to my expectations, but that might be on me because I read a review that erroneously called it a 'creature feature' and I was like 'damn, there's going to be a creature, that's crazy, when's the creature showing up??' There was no creature. And the solve to the mystery wasn't that interesting either. Meh.

(in progress) Silo (AppleTV): This show is surprisingly good, as I posted early this week. Like. I heard about it from a true crime podcast ad read, and just kind of watched it because I have a free AppleTV trial and a crush on Rebecca Ferguson. It wasn't meant to actually be good, but...it is??? It's really engaging, and I think shows how much good acting and direction can elevate a script. The ending of the last episode I watched was objectively kind of silly, but it was so well done you felt like it was super serious. Damn though, this is totally going to be the thing that gets me to keep paying for AppleTV because there's going to be another season. Damn. This is how they get you.

watching (film):

Dune Part 1 (2021): I made everyone watch Dune Part 1 in preparation and also it was my birthday and they could not say no. I think my mom made it....15 minutes? but my dad and I had a great time

Dune Part 2 (2024): I was so on top of the IMAX tickets for this, I refreshed that page a hundred times last monday to get the perfect seats in the mid-center and then I did not BUDGE for all 3ish hours of this movie. It was. So good. There was one shot that legit made me feel like I was on a roller coaster. I think I'm going to go see it again next tuesday. It was so good.

video game update: Still stuck on Dead Space. Still stuck on Cult of the Lamb. I'm figuring out how to balance side quests and the main storyline with KOTOR, which is progress, and on my perpetual Fallen Order playthrough I just did the sad Venator side quest and then got to Dathomir for what would have been the first time if I was not always so set on immediately getting the double-bladed lightsaber upgrade.

craft update: I'm two short rows away from being done with the short row section on my sweater vest. Infinity scarf has been derailed because I tangled a skein of yarn so badly it's probably going to take hours to fix it and I need that color to keep going. So. Tabled.

weekend list:

work (boo) - but work has been pretty slow and fridays are my wfh day so the below items will probably partially get done while I'm on the clock

laundry (also boo) / tidy

it's going to rain all day so the secret goal of friday is really just not to leave my house

work on current long wip which, yes, I did end up restarting -- or rather just starting the second draft earlier than I expected. I was going to push through and have a full rough draft before I started the second but it was really rough and I think now that I have 1) the most self-indulgent scenes, 2) all of the 'plot exposition' scenes written it was time to start going in order and straightening out inconsistencies and repetition.

I finally got an HDMI splitter so I can use the PS4 and get un-stuck on Cult of the Lamb (I haven't checked on my cult in so long!!), I just need to reorganize the wires

maybe untangle yarn. maybe. but I think that's going to wait for sunday at the earliest. I need some cooling off time, but once I can look at it without rage, I think it's just a matter of putting on a movie and being patient

go for a run

I hope this is....mildly interesting at least, if not feel free to block the lists tag XD have a good weekend! <3

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

For the first time in probably... 5 years? Bit more? Bit less? I rewatched A Silent Voice. I wanted this to bookend the KyoAni groupwatch because it's pretty much their only standalone feature film, and I already know it's good and I like it, so it seemed like a nice spot to finish off with. And, yeah. I feel a little more complete having done this. Also feels like spring cleaning in a sense because I torrented the ITBD release and that was a clean 40GB I've finally gotten to delete lol.

But anyway. I've kind of had a bit of an arc with this movie. I watched it a long time ago, honestly think I gave it a 10 at first, and then hovered it down to a 9 at some point, and I'm pretty sure that happened when I read the manga. For a while there I thought the manga was straight up better, primarily because the manga is more. It's longer, there's more time spent on the supporting cast, there's more scenes pertaining to the main cast, there's an entire subplot about making a movie, and it continues for about a full volume's worth after the movie ends. And, you know, that's all a good thing, right? Everyone's fleshed out, there's more time with these characters, their relationships are better realised, it's all good.

But at some point, and I admittedly couldn't really tell you when, I started to prefer the movie. I haven't reread the manga whereas I've rewatched the movie several times which probably caused this, but I noticed that I'd basically forgotten everything that had happened in the manga that wasn't in the movie, and I think that's because I kinda stopped caring. Like the characters are more fleshed out, yeah, but when I'd be remembering the series I'm only really remembering Shouya and Shouko plus to a lesser extent Yuzuru. There's a movie making arc, but do I care? The best part about this story by far is Shouya and Shouko. Two wounded individuals trying and struggling to reconnect with each other but also their desire to live at all. It's a story of guilt and of redemption and of how painful it can be wanting to live despite everything. At some point I'd convinced myself Naoko Yamada and Kyoto Animation made the right call cutting a lot of stuff from the manga, because it gives the story a clearer focus on its best part. Their relationship is the thing that I care about and it's the thing the movie decided was the most important. Just cut the bullshit, the movie's better for it.

And so we get to today's arc, wherein I feel like I've realised that the movie simultaneously cuts too much and yet too little at the same time. It does focus primarily on Shouya's story of redemption and his development with Shouko, but a lot of other things are still kept, sometimes to the movie's detriment. Does the movie benefit from having Mashiba be a character? He's fleshed out in the manga but in here he just shows up, wants to be friends, and then gets yelled at. Shouya and Shouko's whole narrative would feel less muddled without him. Although at the same time he was a fleshed out character in the manga and it'd be better if that came across in this adaptation at all. Like you can cut him and it'd be better or you could have more of him and it'd be better. We're basically in a sour spot where entire parts of the movie don't really work because they should have a different level of focus - whether it's more or less. Entire swathes of this movie feel somewhat meandering because it doesn't commit to either approach. It wants to present everyone faithfully but it also cuts a lot of everyone's scenes to focus on Shouya and Shouko stuff. This leads to this whole thing where certain characters like Ueno and Kawai are really hard to get a read on because we don't spend the time we do with them in the manga. But again if we did it might just be sorta boring? Like do you see the problem I'm having. The movie's caught between a rock and a hard place. There's a perfect version of this story somewhere but it's neither the manga nor is it this anime. Cutting like half the cast is probably my preferred option but that's also a little nuclear and enough of them are important to where that probably wouldn't work. But again it doesn't really work as-is and it mostly works in the manga but it's also a little dull. There is no victory to be found.

And with those very mixed feelings aside that I don't think I communicated all too well, I have in fact lowered my score for this movie once again, and now it is down to... 8/10 lol. Yeah no I can say all that shit but I mean the movie's still an audiovisual masterpiece and has a fantastically written lead pair and tons of very strong emotional moments, like I still found myself crying several times during this rewatch. It's got by far the best depiction of bullying I've seen in anime such that the things it has to say about why bullying happens and what it does to people feel extremely potent and relatable. There are characters I don't love if everything I already said wasn't proof enough but certainly the lead pairs' family members in particular are incredibly likeable and compelling characters that are involved for lots of the strongest scenes in general. There are aspects in which the movie is a little confused and I think should've been adapted slightly differently but god damn if it isn't a gripping story all the same.

That's all from me, bye lol.