#i don't know if anyone is interested in some tav lore

[ahahnopenope]

Ky'Hal (Tav), Bard College of Swords

Romanced Astarion

He is around 28 years old during the events of Baldur's Gate 3.

He has an older (half-elf) brother named Jar'Hod (iykyk) (my older brother's character).

Sorry for posting things i've posted before, just updating with better pictures and lore.

[rebdot]

so idk if literally anyone on here has seen this or cares but in the bg3 fandom on tiktok, people have somehow managed to (unintentionally) convince people who haven't played the game that someone's tav named evelyn is an entire character. and there's now people cosplaying "evelyn from baldur's gate 3" fully without the knowledge that she's not even an actual character from the game, she's in fact someone's tav who got massively popular because people think she's pretty i think???

[infiniteanalemma]

Nobility in Baldur's Gate

Edited to add: I never expected my silly, niche post to get as much attention as it has! I'm giving you all forehead smooches! 😚💋 I've gone through to clean up some things up as I've found new information. I also added a list of nobility that I've found in game and other sources to the end of the post. Thanks, y'all! I'm glad I'm not the only one to wonder about this stuff. Good stuff in the reblogs, too!

Baldur's Gate has dug itself deep in my brain, so I apologize to my poor mutuals who didn't follow me for BG3 content getting this onslaught of posts. Please bear with me until my hyperfixation wears off. 🙏

Now, I'll admit up front that I'm no expert in DnD lore*, so if I get things wrong, please feel free to correct me or just add in stuff I may have missed. I'm going off of what I've found in-game and my Google Fu skills.

That said, I do know enough about DnD to remember that Baldur's Gate nobility are called patriars, and that there are only a relative handful of actual patriar families. I was thinking about my "canon" Tav, Velassa, and her background in BG3. She's a modified OC that I plunked in-game during Early Access, so I made her a noble. It was just part of her existing character that I didn't think too deeply about. It was only after I starting playing that it occurred to me to wonder what exactly "a noble" is to a native Baldurian.

That got me digging a little more into the current state of the Baldurian nobility as of BG3. I don't know who--if anyone--needs or wants this, but I put this together for myself and decided to share it for anyone else who might be interested. I realize that this is probably pretty niche and it's rambly and long af, so I'll put it under a cut.

So, for starters, here's a list of all the patriar families, including "fallen" houses that are barely hanging on: Belt, Bormul, Caldwell, Dlusker, Durinbold, Eltan, Eomane, Exeltis, Gist, Guthmere, Hhune, Hlath, Hullhollyn, Irlentree, Jannath, Jhasso, Linnacker, Miyar, Nurthammas, Oathoon, Oberon, Portyr, Provoss, Ravenshade, Rillyn, Sashenstar, Shattershield, Silvershield, Tillerturn, Vammas, Vannath, Vanthampur, and Whitburn

From what I've gathered, Exeltis, Provoss and Ravenshade are all more-or-less destitute. Also, the Szarr family (Cazador's family) were patriars, but were believed to be entirely wiped out. No living descendants makes them a dead house, rather literally. 😏 (No, I'm not sorry.)

Now, we learn that Wyll's father is Ulder Ravengard, the Grand Duke. This brings us to the first point: There are four Dukes, known as the Council of Four, and the Grand Duke's job is to be the tie-breaker.

Traditionally, one of the Dukes is also the highest ranked officer of the Flaming Fist--that's Ravengard, who was a Fist promoted up through the ranks. Wyll tells us that his father was born lower class, and quite a few of the patriars seem to scorn him for that. The other Dukes are Belynne Stelmane, Dillard Portyr (more on him later) and Thalamra Vanthampur (more on her later, too). Of the four, two are patriars: Portyr and Vanthampur. We don't know much about Stelmane's past, except that she was a brilliant businesswoman, politician and--as we find out later--member of the Knights of the Shield. Apparently, you can't buy your way into the patriars, but maybe you can buy your way into being a Duke.

Skipping ahead a bit, when the player shows up to Gortash's coronation, there are a group of mostly patriars sitting in the boxes leading up to the front of the room. I'm listing them by seating arrangement, with box 1 and 2 being the left and right closest to Gortash, and 3 and 4 being farthest. (I don't know what, if anything, the seating arrangements imply. The second box has eight people, compared to four for all the rest.)

Lady Ailis Belt, Baron Callem Bormul, Lord Rugger Shattershield**, and Lady Alia Durinbold**

Lady Ruth Linnacker, Lord Sarken Eomane, Lady Freida Oberon, Lord Raylen Jannath, Lord Myer Ravenshade**, Lady Madeline Whitburn, Lady Beatrice Provoss, and Duke Dillard Portyr

Lady Winstra Hullhollyn, Admiral Peil Hullhollyn, Lord Randolph Vammas, and Lady Eshvelt Guthmere

Lord Milon Tillerturn, Lady Silifrey Sashenstar, Lord Petric Amber**, and Lady Haeril Birch**

Here's some pictures of the nobles sitting together. (Sorry for the terrible quality! I slapped it together for my own reference. 🙈)

The characters marked by ** aren't human, which is interesting because the information I found said all the patriar familes are human except the Shattershields. Myer Ravenshade is listed as human if you examine him, but he has a dwarf model. That might be a mistake, but I'm including him anyway. Alia Durinbold, from a presumably human patriar family, is a wood elf. Again, this could be a mistake, but unless Larian winds up changing it, it could mean that interracial marriages that once may have been looked down on are now becoming more acceptable. Petric Amber is also a wood elf, and Haeril Birch is a high elf.

Those last two are interesting because they are the only ones in the boxes who aren't patriars. If not for them, I'd have assumed the coronation was simply a demonstration for the patriars alone. Their inclusion means this is something else.

Digging around, my conclusion is that all the listed people are members of the Parliament of Peers--a 50 person advisory party to the Council of Four. However, what I found says that it's pretty rare for all 50 to attend meetings, and the usual group is between 20-30. There are exactly 20 named individuals listed, plus a group of unnamed "patriars" standing at the front.

Here they are, for what it's worth:

One thing I noticed here is that most of those listed here are Lord/Lady, but there are three other titles: Duke, Baron and Admiral. I've already talked about the Dukes. Looking into the patriars, the Hullhollyn family are notable for having a fleet of ships, so it makes sense that one of them would be an Admiral. That leaves the Baron.

I couldn't find anything about what it means to be a baron in Baldur's Gate. Going on real-world peerages, a baron/ess is generally the lowest "rank" of nobility. Basically, it's someone who was an official landowner (usually of an "important" bit of land) under the feudal system. Well and good, I suppose, but presumably all the Lords and Ladies of the patriars own land within the city. This particular Baron is also a patriar, but given that one doesn't need to be a patriar to become a Duke (normally a higher peer than a baron), that may not mean anything.

(Apparently, the term "Duke" was originally meant somewhat jokingly. That said, it still carries the weight of a title even if not the conventional one.) We don't see any other titles between Duke and Baron, so what does that mean?

This isn't canon, but my assumption is that it means the Baron owns important land outside of the city. This would make sense for Baron Bormul, given that the Bormul family apparently have investments in silver mines and vineyards. Assuming they own the mines/vineyards, that may make those lands "important" enough to the city for their owner to earn a title. Alternately, the Bormul family also has counterparts in Amn, so maybe baron is an Amnian title that got passed along. That's getting a bit far afield for me, though. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, among the group at the coronation, pretty much everyone supports Gortash becoming Archduke, with the exception of Lady Sashenstar (an old woman who really isn't too impressed with this commoner) and Duke Portyr, who expresses some hesitation at the whole thing.

Duke Portyr is interesting here. Except for Ravengard (who is thralled and conducting the ceremony), Portyr is the only Duke present. Now, Stelmane is already dead, so that explains her absence. Vanthampur is also missing, which is interesting. Portyr first, though: he was Grand Duke before Ravengard. He's the one who re-instituted (Edited: and originally created!) the Parliament of Peers to make the day-to-day decisions of running the city, and ceded the title of Grand Duke to Ravengard. He's described as being conflict-averse, so it makes sense that he'd go along with Gortash's coronation, even though he's clearly unhappy about it. Also, the current leader of the Fists is also a Portyr, likely still Liara Portyr, the Duke's niece and Ravengard's second-in-command.

Thalamra Vanthampur is an interesting character, too. She's the head of the Vanthampur family, and part of the Descent into Avernus story. Apparently, she's the one who got Ravengard to go to Elturel before it sank to the Hells, intending to take his place as Grand Duke. From what I read, she also conspired with the Dead Three's cults to murder people in a bid to discredit the Flaming Fist. (The murdery bits were undoubtedly left to Bhaal's cult.) We never do find out anything about Thalamra Vanthampur in this game (I assume that's probably cut content). (Edited: She is mentioned in one of the in-game texts as having been killed, which was one of the possible outcomes of Descent into Avernus. Larian chose that as their canon, just like the fate of Elturel and Zariel.)

The only Vanthampur we do meet is Carnelia Vanthampur, who is in the Guildhall and describes herself as "a peer of the Parliament". She's willing to work with either the Guild or the Zhentarim. Nervously of course. Also interesting is that, on the Bloodstained Parchment hit list, is a Varri Vanthampur, whose gravestone you can find in Candulhallow's Tombstones shop, reading: "Varri Vanthampur. Unwanted in life, welcomed in death."

Interesting, hm?

Also on that hit list is Fridrik Hhune. The Hhunes apparently have links to the Knights of the Shield, from what I looked up--the same group the Emperor led with Stelmane. The only Hhunes we meet in-game are Blaise and Gheris Hhune, two of the werewolves in Cazador's ballroom who are brothers according to the dev notes. With them is another werewolf of a different patriar family, Duver Rillyn. This suggests Cazador has been going after members of patriar families, which sort of fits with what we know about his plans. We really don't find anything else out about them except that they consider Cazador to be their master and Astarion says they're new.

We also can talk to a Flaming Fist who mentions that Hurlbut Hhune is the father of Henrietta Hhune, who used to be secretly engaged to the Fist in question, only for her father to decide to arrange her to marry fellow patriar Derque Rillyn, who the Fist describes as "a major arsehole."

That conversation is interesting for a few reasons. For one, it tells you that arranged marriages within the patriar are a thing. Also, this Fist is a Manip (essentially a Sergeant) who can't ask the other Fists for help because "the Fists don't mess with wealthy patriars, they've got the Watch to back them up." That's aligned with what Devella can also tell you: "There are patriars on the murder target list. I'm oathbound to secure them first, so I'll be heading to the Upper City next." If you say that the Fist should protect everyone: "Not from around here, are you? We're in Baldur's Gate - this is just how things work."

This brings me back to my original issue: what is a Baldurian noble? The patriars are canonically nobles, of course, and they're undoubtedly seen as the "most important" of the nobility. From there, it's not much of a stretch to say that anyone who has earned the title of Duke is now a noble, even if they aren't patriars. I'd go so far as to say anyone on the Parliament of Peers (and their family by association) is a noble^, given that non-patriars Petric Amber and Haeril Birch are considered Lord and Lady. The information I found about that is that there are approximately twelve non-patriar members. If Amber and Birch are two of them, that leaves another unnamed 10.

^Edited: Looking at the dates, I realized that the Parliament of Peers is a very recent change to Baldurian governance. Duke Portyr originally created it after the three other Dukes on the Council of Four were assassinated. It was clearly meant as a temporary measure, but my guess is that the patriars liked having more official say. Not to mention the non-patriars who managed to get a seat. This has all happened within even the youngest of Tav/Urges' lifetimes.

Personally, I'd also assume that branch families of the patriars probably also count as nobility. By branch family, I mean those that marry out of the main line but whose ancestry stems from a patriar family. From what I've seen by naming conventions, Baldur's Gate seems to use patronmyic lineage--ancestry is generally passed to the sons, and wives take their husband's surname. So, if a daughter marries out of the family, she'd no longer be a part of her father's family lineage, but still would be considered nobility. These branch families likely still maintain powerful influence and connections from marrying into wealth, which would make them a good political/financial choice of marriage alliance, despite no longer having the main branch patriar family name. These families are also probably the ones most likely to find a place on the Parliament, too, but likely have to jockey for position if their "representative" dies (or otherwise leaves) and a new opening in the Parliament is created.

If you've read this far, as a treat you can have some crappy close-up portraits of the nobles at Gortash's coronation, grouped together in their respective boxes. 😚

* For what it's worth, I'd count myself as a casual DnD player. I have some knowledge of DnD--I've played BG1 and 2, Planescape: Torment, along with some general cultural osmosis. I've had friends who played the tabletop version, but for one reason or another, I've never played it myself.

[mumms-the-word]

Illithid Souls - Part 2

The Case Studies: Tav/Durge and Orpheus

In Part 1, I went over some of the basics of what a soul normally is, where souls go after death, and whether mind flayers have souls. I ultimately ended up saying that most humanoids have apostolic souls (souls that deities recognize as being capable of divine worship), while mind flayers have some other kind of soul, one that isn't recognizable by deities or devils. This is why Jergal and Mystra and so on think that illithid don’t have souls. When a humanoid with an apostolic soul turns into a mind flayer, their soul is either ejected and moves on to the Fugue Plane, or their soul is transformed into a non-apostolic soul (depending on what you want to believe).

But the problem is, that's normal lore, and BG3 has made things a little strange by imbuing all the tadpoles that infect our characters with Netherese magic. And that, friends, makes the BG3 mind flayers different.

This post is going to look at some interesting context from the game for the Emperor, Tav/Durge and Orpheus. (It got pretty long so I'm moving Karlach and Gale to a third post.) We're going to figure out whether the rules about mind flayers and souls change now that there's Netherese magic involved. The ultimate answer is yes, but how? And is it consistent?

(Spoiler: it isn't, but you can use this lore to come up with your own theories and ideas)

Let's take another deep dive! Buckle up, and don't worry, I have a short summary at the bottom.

The Case of the Emperor

I'm actually not going to linger too long on the Emperor because for many reasons he breaks the lore. If he's Balduran and a mind flayer, he shouldn't have lived as long as he says he's lived. Not only that, his memory is allegedly flawless when the lore states he shouldn't remember any of his previous life (there are other inconsistencies too, but that's a different post). However, I do want to touch on a couple of things.

The Emperor both is and isn't our baseline for how a mind flayer normally exists. He should be a normal lore-accurate mind flayer (though a rogue one), because he wasn't infected with a Netherese-touched tadpole. But he's a Special Mind Flayer instead, for reasons we don't entirely understand (again, he generally breaks the lore). Perhaps this is because of his brush with Gortash and the other Chosen of the Dead Three, or perhaps he just somehow has a strong enough personality that when he broke free of an elder brain's compulsion a lot of his memories came back to him. Who knows?

But regardless, a few conversations with him reinforce the idea that mind flayers typically aren't completely soulless. At the very least, they still contain memories (he has his memories of his time as Balduran), intelligence (he's a schemer, that's for sure), and personality/emotions:

Emperor: You think that mind flayers are soulless husks who feel nothing. Belynne thought the same at first. You are wrong. Feeling is vital to the pursuit of anyone's goals. Even a mind flayer's. Like you, mind flayers know fear. Like you, we crave recognition. But unlike you, unlike the others of my kind, I am no slave to either. My end is and has always been freedom.

We can quibble about whether or not he's manipulating the player here, but his words are generally true. As discussed in part 1, mind flayers are not soulless husks. When they're enthralled, they might be more devoid of independent thinking, but they have emotions/feelings and can create memories. They just might have a smaller range of emotion than humanoids do (thus his reference to "not being a slave" to fear or desire) and their memories might not be entirely their own (more on that with Karlach in part 3).

Regardless, the Emperor is our leading authority for what it's like to be a mind flayer, so we're sort of forced to trust him when we ask him to explain what full ceremorphosis is about to do to us, especially because its his Supreme Tadpole that is about to change us.

Player: What would happen to me? Emperor: You would be altered in mind, body, and soul beyond all recognition.

So this is interesting. Altered in mind and body, that's a given. Altered in soul, though...what does that mean?

Remember in Part 1 where I offered two theories about what happens to the original soul of someone undergoing ceremorphosis? Theory 1: they just die and the soul moves on to the Fugue Plane, and the mind flayer gets a new illithid soul from...somewhere. Theory 2: The soul transforms and remains tethered to the mind flayer body, different than it was before (potentially unrecognizable as the original soul, but some elements of the original may remain).

The Emperor's words suggest more of theory 2 here. But is that, in fact, what happens when we become illithid? Well...let's find out.

The Case of Tav and Durge (or most Origin runs)

When you do turn into a mind flayer, the narrative typically focuses on how powerful you feel. Your mind and body feel as though they are one and you are also desperately hungry. There isn't much in the Narrator's dialogue or your dialogue with your friends to suggest that your soul has been completely obliterated, though.

In fact, there's an interesting moment that happens if you turn into a mind flayer without the Emperor there and go up to Orpheus still in his cage. The way I accomplished this was to ask to change into a mind flayer so the Emperor would give me the Supreme Tadpole, then I said I would change later, then stopped the Emperor from consuming Orpheus so he would leave. Then I used the Supreme Tadpole to turn into a mind flayer and went to examine Orpheus.

Narrator: *His eyes are unseeing, his voice silenced. But even with his mind caged, you can feel his power. You can almost taste the fluid beneath his scalp, cushioning that sweet, dense brain, and the power within it. You are hungry.* Lae'zel: I see that look, I know that look. Don't you dare. Player: [Wisdom Check] Cling to your former nature. Quash your hunger. This is not who you are. Narrator: *Your mind and body whine with disappointment. But your soul lets out a gentle thrum of relief.*

I find this fascinating for a couple of reasons. One, the check I chose (there are two, the second is a strength check) meant reaching out to a "former" nature and reminding myself (or my Tav's self) that this is not who she is. When I succeeded, my Tav's mind and body protested, but her soul was filled with relief.

So she has a soul! And it seems to be her own soul, but perhaps transformed. So this sort of supports theory 2, that perhaps when humanoids turn into mind flayers, their soul is altered. This could also just be a quirk specific to those infected with a Netherese tadpole, or even further, someone who transformed using the Emperor's Supreme Tadpole.

Because here's the thing. When Tav/Durge, Orpheus, Companion!Karlach, or any Origin character transforms into a mind flayer using the Supreme Tadpole, they become a special mind flayer. This is mostly due to the Netherese magic, which adds some weird and undefined changes to the whole mind flayer thing. I'm going to use "I guess it's the Netherese magic/Supreme Tadpole" as a scapegoat this entire post because I don't know what else to point to to explain how these guys are just Different Than Your Average Mind Flayer, so be prepared for that. But at the very least, we know something's different.

In fact the Narrator literally says you're probably different than the average mind flayer after you defeat the Netherbrain!

Narrator: *You are a mind flayer, the very thing you sought to eradicate. Whatever self you still possess is quickly ebbing away. Your friends and enemies alike are ripe for manipulation, and if not manipulation, then consumption. Soon you will be able to trust yourself at all. You will be a monstrosity beyond redemption. Or not. Perhaps you are unique among illithid-kind. Perhaps you will retain enough of who you are to resist your nature. A rogue mind flayer. Like the Emperor. The risk is certainly yours to take - will you?*

Unlike normal mind flayers who lose most of their memories (and allegedly most of their personality/former selves) almost immediately after transforming, it takes Tav/Durge/most Origins longer to lose that sense of self, if indeed they lose it at all. The Narrator suggests we might be losing parts of ourselves, but there's a chance we're unique and might retain our sense of selves.

We do see glimpses of us retaining our personalities in the epilogue of course, but what is more interesting is if you decide to imprison yourself post-ceremorphosis. Withers will visit you in prison for a final conversation. (This conversation shifts a little if you're a Durge, but here is the Tav conversation.)

Withers: Thou remainest in thy chains. A hero, sacrificed. I told thee once that an illithid hath no soul, and yet...something glimmerest about thee. Something is not lost. Dost thou feel it? The spark of the divine within thee? Or does thy hunger consume thee? Player: [Option 1] I'm still myself. I don't know if I belong here. Player: [Option 2] I feel the hunger. But I feel myself, too. I'm not sure which to trust. Player: [Option 3] Have you come to torment me with hypotheticals, old friend? Player: [Option 4] Does it matter? This is my life now.

If you go with option 4, you hear Withers ponderingly say, "Thy life...yes..." before moving on to say that fate isn't done with you yet, which is his response to all the other options as well.

But the more important thing is that even Jergal recognizes a "spark of the divine" within you. Your soul should either be cast off and already wandering the Fugue Plane (if going with theory 1) or so completely transformed that it's no longer an apostolic soul that Jergal would be able to recognize as a god. Yet Jergal recognizes the soul within your mind flayer body as being...well, partly apostolic.

Interesting!

We get a similar dialogue if you sacrifice yourself as a mind flayer, too, though this is fascinating because now it's Withers literally finding your soul (still shaped like a mind flayer, which is interesting) somewhere that is...very gray. There's a suggestion that this might be in the Fugue Plane, or in some limbo state where souls sometimes end up, but regardless, Withers, the soul-finder himself, was able to track down your lingering soul.

Withers: Thou flickerest in the dark - but with mine keen eye, I hath scryed thee. I told thee once that an illithid hath no soul, and yet thou seemest to have something of the spirit about thee. I cannot account for it. How delightful. Tell me, how doth it feel to roam about as thou art now, transformed? Player: [Option 1] Where am I? [mumm's note: he basically doesn't answer this question lol] Player: [Option 2] I still feel like myself. My memories, my feelings - all intact. Withers: No matter how many aeons I have roamed this world and beyond, I am ever-surprised by mysteries new and old.

Even Withers is surprised that the soul you have is something he not only recognizes as a soul, but as your soul. I love how amused and intrigued he sounds when he says "I cannot account for it. How delightful." He even smiles when he says it. He thinks you're super neat! And also a new phenomenon.

(As an aside, I wonder if you being mind-flayer-shaped but still recognizable as you is a hint that your soul did indeed transform to be illithid, but didn't fully transform into a non-apostolic soul like normal illithids would. Like, I wonder if your soul is now half-apostolic and just permanently mind-flayer-shaped. RIP. But this would explain why bringing you back via True Resurrection is kind of a nonviable option since you'd just come back as a mind flayer, and this is the ending where you took your own life to avoid being a mind flayer for forever, so I doubt you'd even want to come back if you couldn't come back to your original body. Things to ponder!)

Anyway, you having something that has glimpses, sparks, or hints of the divine/the spirit about you does tell us that as a mind flayer, your soul wasn't destroyed. It may have been transformed, but you're not as soulless as you thought you were going to be, and you're actually still pretty close to being who you were before the transformation.

Close, but not perfectly or exactly like you were before. You did transform, after all. But these changes become more obvious in other examples, such as with Karlach.

You having a partly-apostolic soul that retains all its memories and most of its original personality is obviously VERY unique and different to what most mind flayers experience. For example, if you turn yourself illithid and then free Orpheus (again, see the same steps above, but go a step farther and actually free him this time), then Orpheus will be utterly shocked that you're capable of independent thought.

Orpheus: What is this... A mind flayer in possession of its mental faculties? This is the stuff of fables. It is as if I am reliving the legend of Oryndoll. You are the illithid Urengol, rebelling against your own hivemind. And I am the noble githyanki Valraag who must now reconsider his position. An illithid capable of rebelling against the Netherbrain's instruction... Not only capable but willing... If your intentions are as righteous as they seem, this is an advantage I cannot overlook. An advantage that must be grasped, for our enemy is formidable indeed. Very well. I propose an alliance.

A couple of notes here: Oryndoll is/was a real mind flayer colony far, far below the surface in the southern regions of Faerûn (beneath the Shining Plains). Not only is it ancient, but the wealth of knowledge stored inside via illithid technology rivals and probably even surpasses that of Candlekeep's library. There's at least one book in the game that talks about a foolish drow adventurer searching for Oryndoll, only to end up a mind flayer, while another hints at Oryndoll's role in the history of the Duergar race. But these are the only mentions of Oryndoll in the game.

Oryndoll has a history in D&D lore, but there's no mention of Urengol and Valraag (that I could find). If this is a fable Orpheus knows, it's apparently so ancient that only he remembers it. But that itself is interesting, because it makes Urengol his closest reference to you having become a rogue, independently-thinking, and emotionally driven mind flayer. He can't think of any other examples, that's how unique you are.

The most important thing here is that Orpheus literally considers your independently thinking self as so baffling, so impossible, it should only exist in fables. That, I think, says a lot.

The next question is, does he think he would become just as unique?

The Case of Orpheus

We all know Orpheus can be convinced to turn into a mind flayer and sacrifice his soul for his people. I'm sure he genuinely does think he is sacrificing his soul, as there is no real precedent that he or anyone else seems to know of for a person who turns into a mind flayer and keeps their soul (or at least keeps their same memories, personality, and intelligence). But if he's surprised that he's kept all his memories after turning illithid, he doesn't really show it.

You can ask him about it, of course, after he's turned into a mind flayer and after you've defeated the Netherbrain. His response is kind of interesting.

Player: You're a mind flayer, but you're still you, aren't you? Orpheus: Yes. But for how long? My mind screams. It will never stop until it has slipped away from me entirely.

No one else seems to define their illithid experience this way. I'm curious if his mind screaming is referring to the hunger he feels, the same hunger he is actively trying to resist, but he doesn't elaborate on this. Regardless, he's certain that while he has retained his personality (and probably his soul) for now, it's not going to last.

This is why he asks for an honorable death after the defeat of the Netherbrain.

Player: You don't deserve to die. Orpheus: I will not be ghaik! I did what I did to save my people. [...] The rest is up to them. Someone else must rise within the ranks to lead the revolution against Vlaakith. Give me my freedom from this form, release my soul to the Astral Seas while I still have one to call my own.

Orpheus believes that he only has a temporary grasp on his soul or consciousness, which may or may not have transformed into a different kind of soul. Then again, if he thinks his soul is going to the Astral Seas, maybe it doesn't matter whether his soul was transformed from apostolic to non-apostolic. I'm not even sure if githyanki have apostolic souls at all, since they wouldn't really be interested in the deities that govern matters on the Material Plane. I mean, for a long time Lae'zel wants her soul to be eaten by Vlaakith (a literal lich queen who eats souls) via "ascension" so...

I also have no idea if his soul, once released to the Astral Seas, would be mind-flayer-shaped. I guess that's the great mystery. I would assume yes, but I also don’t know how souls manifest in the Astral Seas and finding sources on this has been difficult (it all boils down to “ask your DM”).

Orpheus can be convinced to stay alive and just hang out in a far-off "corner of these realms" to watch his people fight against Vlaakith from afar, and there's kind of a hint that him agreeing to do this means he isn't actually afraid he'll lose his entire soul. But at this point, we're getting too far into "maybes" and "what ifs" to suggest anything concrete.

Quick picture break of Orpheus contemplating the Supreme Tadpole to break up the text (I just thought it was a good shot)

Now I do have to acknowledge two things about Orpheus: one, he could be a special mind flayer precisely because of his unique abilities to shield his mind from elder brain compulsion, which means his unique abilities could also be the reason why he retains so much of his personality and therefore his soul. Since most of the time you end up eating his brain and absorbing his abilities, this could also explain why you retain so much of your own soul if you become a mind flayer instead.

In this scenario, you’re a special mind flayer because (1) you have a Netherese tadpole, (2) you transformed using the Supreme Tadpole, and (3) then you ate Orpheus’s brain. All three elements could be at play.

But not everyone eats Orpheus’s brain, so that theory has holes. I genuinely think you just end up being a special mind flayer because of the Netherese magic that messes with your tadpole. The Supreme Tadpole plus Orpheus’s abilities would only be the icing on the cake, so to speak.

The second thing I want to acknowledge is that there’s a glaring plothole for Orpheus even turning into a mind flayer at all, if you play the game a certain way. If you send the Emperor away to free Orpheus before the Emperor gives you the Supreme Tadpole (for example if you send Lae’zel over to smash the chains holding Orpheus captive without talking to the Emperor, which is what I did one time, and the Emperor was literally like “don’t talk to me again bye” and left), then how does he turn into a mind flayer? He doesn’t have a tadpole and you don’t have the Supreme Tadpole to give to him.

He gets around this with you or Karlach by saying he’ll lower his mental shields so that your tadpole hears the Netherbrain’s orders to transform and then replace the shields again.

Orpheus: My defences keep the voice of the Absolute out, but just as I can raise them, so I can lower them. I will allow the voice of the Absolute in. Once it reaches you, it will order you to transform. It will only take a moment. And once you are a mind flayer, I will fold you under my protection once more. You will be the saviour of empires, not least my own. Narrator: *With the withdrawal of Orpheus' power, your mind is rushed with the full force of the Netherbrain. You feel a compulsion unlike anything you've ever known - excruciating and exhilarating in equal measure. You wish nothing in the world but to evolve. Then - complete silence, as you are once again closed off from the Netherbrain's mind.*

So that makes sense, and it means you being a special mind flayer could boil down to your personality being hella strong + you being infected with a special Netherese tadpole. In this scenario, the Supreme Tadpole can’t be used to explain your unique soul-keeping abilities, and neither can you attribute your soul-keeping abilities to consuming Orpheus's brain (since he's still alive). So maybe the Supreme Tadpole and/or Orpheus's brain doesn’t have any effect on why you keep your mostly-unaltered soul.

In the end I guess it’s just the weird Netherese tadpole that does the trick? Honestly, I wonder if it all boils down to the fact that the Netherese tadpole doesn't eat your brain, it just lies dormant and incubating in your head, so you're not losing brain matter. (But this ignores or forgets that when you eat other tadpoles you literally watch them burrow into your brain matter so I'm sure the magic has something to do with it too.)

But anyway this still doesn’t explain why Orpheus, who shouldn’t have a tadpole, somehow turns into a mind flayer by, I don’t know, manifesting it??? Or why he is also a unique mind flayer once he does this without the Supreme Tadpole. I mean in his case I’m sure it is because he has special mind shield abilities but still. How did he turn into a mind flayer without a tadpole? Make it make sense, Larian.

He literally just touches his head with a psionic magic effect, which is the same gesture he uses to lower his mental shield to allow the Netherbrain to force you to transform. It's also interesting that if you have him transform using the Supreme Tadpole, then he doesn't say anything as he accepts the tadpole from you and absorbs it. But if you have him change without the tadpole, then he says, "The Netherbrain will be only too pleased to claim me."

Which...kind of implies that he's somehow able to communicate with the Netherbrain or hear its voice, so...maybe he secretly does have a tadpole? I mean, a popular theory is the Emperor probably did tadpole Orpheus off-screen since he seems to have a level of compulsion over Orpheus, but this is never explained or mentioned in the game so do whatever you want with that theory.

But I digress.

Let's do a quick summary, shall we?

TLDR: You're probably a super special mind flayer who gets to keep their soul mostly intact (or mostly unaltered) because your tadpole was imbued with Netherese magic and generally doesn't eat your brain. You might also be super special because you transformed using the Supreme Tadpole (optional) and/or consumed Orpheus's brain (also optional). Orpheus might be a super special mind flayer simply because he's Orpheus, and that is why he can still retain most of his soul/personality, even though he keeps thinking he's going to lose it. His status as special mind flayer seems unchanged whether he transformed using the Supreme Tadpole or not, so it really must be an Orpheus Thing.

Phew. That was a lot. And honestly, Karlach and Gale only complicate things, so they're going in a separate post. Keep an eye out for Part 3!

~*~*~

You made it to the end!!! Amazing, you deserve an achievement or something, but all I have are more gold stars.

✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨

Tags for those who wanted the update! @galesdevoteewife @stuffforthestash

[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[arto-rhen]

Here's my full post of Rayne which I will direct future related posts to. I will tag her with #TavRayne if anyone wants to start following along with her journey. She is my Tav OC from my first finished playthrough of BG3 and she is a Tiefling Sorcerer with Draconic Bloodline. I had this character made for a dnd game for a while but I never got to play her and then when Baldur's Gate 3 launched, I had my chance of playing her this way and I had lots of fun roleplaying her.

Her backstory was slightly changed between the original dnd story and the BG3 version so that it fits better with the setting, but I kept most of it the same.

It's pretty long, but I decided to put it here in case anyone might like to know about her more. I am not the best with descriptions sometimes and I was still trying to be brief, I also did not make her story while checking if any of it is connected to lore or not, I went along with what I thought was an interesting idea for a character, and the dnd sessions I was part of didn't require full knowledge of all of the books that contain the lore. In case anyone may feel like something doesn't feel lore accurate.

She was raised in her first years by her family that consisted of her father that started her sorcerous bloodline by entrapping the soul of a dragon in secret, her mother that was partly coerced into a marriage with her father and 3 siblings that were close to her age but not allowed to see her.

Although on the surface, it seemed like a family of a powerful Sorcerer that is successful, in reality, Rayne was raised for one purpose only, which she was not aware of yet. Her connections to her siblings and even to her mother were frayed in order for her to train her abilities, and although she received praise an approval for being able to overcome any challenge in her training, she would usually sneak away to play with her siblings as well.

One day, they decide to play a game where they each present something secret to each other, and she decides to bring her father's spellbook which she always sees but isn't allowed to look into. Because she was taught how to write mostly infernal and primordial and mostly spells, once she opens the book and decides to tell her siblings what she found, she finds a lot of sacrificial ritual spells and learns of her father entrapping a dragon's soul and using his successors of infernal heritage that would gain the draconic power to absorb their power and maintain his own, where one successor that has inherited the draconic power would be trained to be the strongest and then used as the primary sacrifice, while the siblings are used as collateral for ensuring the success of the ritual. The ritual also requires a type of lettering on the body of the main sacrifice, and Rayne already had it done. She half doesn't believe that they would actually be sacrificed, but ultimately tries to devise a plan with the siblings to find out more and what they can do in their situation.

In the end, the father was already close enough for the ritual to commence, and when he sees his book missing, he transports his kids in the ritual and starts it. Because the ritual also needs Rayne and anyone in her place to be willing with the transfer, it ruins the ritual and instead makes her powers go haywire and burn down the entire building they were under. She wakes up only to see ash everywhere and nobody in sight, and she stays there for an indeterminate amount of time trying to process what just happened until a fearful group of guard approach and take her away. Some of the inscriptions on her body remain etched into her skin as burn marks, and she remains with some of the marks always on her.

Most people in the vicinity don't understand what happened in that place and believe that she was at fault and the authorities plan to take her to a special prison. By that point, Rayne is heavily traumatized and nonresponsive.

On her way to the prison, a member of a powerful wizard guild shows up and takes her instead after hearing of the incident that her powers caused and Rayne solely accepts because she's given food. That is where she starts learning and realizes that there is more to the inscriptions that she was taught for the ritual and she also learns to read and write common. As she is given better conditions there, she gradually becomes more receptive to others over a few years but she still has a feeling that she might once again be trained in order to be used, so after she starts learning more of the world that she realized she was isolated from by her father, she begins to look into their operation closer, only to find out that they were using different people of tiefling descent in order to harness magical abilities from them, and she ends up making another plan to evade and help those tieflings.

She uses some of the things she was taught for her father's rituals to instead use that power herself and breaks the device that hold the tieflings and harness their powers one night. That night, she helps the tieflings escape on their own and she then runs away being chased by guards and wizards from that guild. This is where she makes her way to a city where she hides. For the game, I made it so that city is actually Baldur's Gate where she winds up for good.

Her life in the new city starts from the very bottom, as she tries to dodge the guards that are after her bounty, and she doesn't have any food or shelter and she is still in shock after the previous events. In the end, she becomes harder to find when sitting among the homeless and sells anything she owns in order to buy food for the small group of homeless people. When she hears some adventurers talk about a failed quest for the retrieval of a special item that the local apothecary needs, she decides to try for herself in order to make some money. Using her innate abilities, despite her still young age, she manages to get the item and deliver it to the apothecary for a reward.

That sparks curiosity among adventurers and people involved and she begins to take on different jobs on retrieving and finding magical and special items, working with both reputable sources and networking around the underground, which becomes her job for a long time in the city. Due to her charismatic nature and ability to always deliver on her quests, she is able to have strong enough connections in the underground of the city to rid herself of the initial accusations due to her past, being able for the first time to live for herself and start once again enjoying using her magic without being reminded of her traumatic past.

At the start of the game or story, she is pretty much in a decent place both in spirit and the house that she owns in the Baldur's Gate, but along with the kidnapping of the mindflayer ship and becoming infected, she finds a group of companions that are more similar to her and each other than they first realize.

For the dnd game, I also noted that the sorcerer father was still alive and could become a challenge in the future, along with the wizard that found her afterwards, both becoming obstacles at one point.

Overall, I really liked playing as her because some parts of her story fit well with the companions. Her experiences with abuse of magic can contrast Gale's nature of being both chill and overly confident when it comes to using magic, but also relates by loving magic just as much. Her story of a father that wants to control her and absorb her power through a ritual and giving her no other purpose can relate to Astarion's story with Cazador, and the idea of his possible apparition really puts her story in the same trope as his. Dealing with a father/authority figure that presents themselves as having her best interests when in reality they are training them to be used can relate to both Shadowheart and Lae'zel, and her sense of adventuring and heroing, can relate to Karlack and Wyll.

Overall, if anyone got to read up to this point, I am looking forward to showing you through a mini comic series different parts of her story with these companions. Thank you for reading up to this point! And if anyone wants to he tagged to future posts, let me know.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

On the subject of whether or not vampires love...

This is a topic that's been debated about amongst D&D nerds for ages, and like everything in D&D the consensus doesn't matter because we made it all up, but the consensus is: Spawns - yes

True vampires - no

And at no point in BG3 is Astarion a true vampire. They actually specifically made it so he wouldn't be, and I think it's interesting that at the beginning of the game you can learn about how he could become a true vampire, and then even when he gets the chance to follow through and do it, he doesn't. The choice is never a) Spawn or b) True Vampire or c) Vampire Ascendant. It's just spawn or ascendant and I don't think that's a mistake. I think, in a way, it's for the sake of the theoretical romance that might just be happening between Tav/Durge and Astarion.

If he became a true vampire, then canonically he could not love you (as much as anything in D&D is fixed, see above flippant remark about us making it all up and also decades of changing the rules whenever they don't suit us anymore because why not) but since Larian didn't even make that possible, we're left to just argue about how much of a true vampire a vampire ascendant really is. A vampire ascendant doesn't really sound like a true vampire from it's description as a "new monster" with "the arousals and appetites of man" so there's room to argue.

And everyone sure does like arguing. I don't really see the point, because after he ascends I don't think it matters at all if he loves you anymore. He's become possessive, controlling, and ultimately abusive and he's going through the very typical arc of a successful guy who got everything he wanted and is now confused and angry about why it hasn't fixed everything. He's taking it out on you, dump his ass.

I've known too many people like this to really care all that much about the lore of D&D and how it doesn't perfectly map onto real life. Becoming an abuser is not a Pokemon evolution. And what I'm seeing in Astarion is not someone who has been magically altered, or even necessarily lost his soul outright (though imo that soul is a tasty snack marinated inside of a new monster for Meph to eat later, at best) I'm just seeing what it looks like when someone who is deeply hurt and troubled desperately wants something that is bad for them, and they get it and it expunges some insecurities and fear, while enabling the development of new (much much worse) ones. It sucks, and it's predictable.

So, at that point, who cares if his love is genuine or not. "But he loves you," is an excuse that mom-in-law likes to use to keep you from leaving her son, but it's actually not a persuasive argument, because love doesn't mean a whole lot when it can't prevent him from being an asshole. I've seen some version of all this hashed out all over the place on the internet, because this is an incredibly popular thing to argue about.

And, to be clear, I'm not even arguing that Ascended Astarion loves Tav/Durge. My conclusion is that it's possible he still loves them, and that it means fuck all. But, one thing I haven't really seen discussed, but that has been on my mind a lot since the most recent round of this very dumb argument started up again - does this have any implications on Astarion's refusal to make Tav/Durge a true vampire? I'm not at all in disagreement with the typical read: that Astarion is following Vellioth's rules about not letting anyone be an equal. But, he does make sure to extend certain protections to Tav/Durge as a spawn that he was never afforded. It's a small consolation when they're still technically are under his compulsion, but it's a bit rebellious, 1 point for mild rebellion against Vellioth's stupid rules. And I don't think it's out of line to suggest that he has his own motivations outside of keeping with tradition.

He wants Tav/Durge to love him, and he knows that if he makes them a true vampire, they won't. Similarly, I remember initially being a bit surprised that there was no option for Astarion to drink Cazador's blood and become a true vampire, and I even remember seeing a lot of jokes about how silly spawn Astarion must've felt the next day when he realized he missed his chance.

But, knowing that becoming a true vampire would apparently rewire his brain so he doesn't experience love anymore might just be motivation enough not to do it, if he's found someone he loves.

Or even if he's only got hope that he might have love in the future.

[beepersteeper]

I Will Always Find You -- Astarion x Tav -- The Talk | part 5

Apologies for the delay in uploads. I hope to have part 6 uploaded today as well. its written and jut needs to be looked at one more time before posting Astarion and F!Tav live happily together for the remaining years she has, she refuses to be turned into a vampire because her faith says that her soul isn’t finished with its work yet. Tav dies of old age and leaves Astarion to put together the pieces of his broken heart. AN: Lord of Light lore taken and changed to fit the story's means. Not canonically accurate. TLDR story line stuff. This is an AU where Astarion ascends but isn't a power hungry bastard and Tav is able to help him continue healing. Wyll is immortal and the Duke. Karlach in my mind, if given a new engine would be able to live a lot longer than the usual tiefling. Another AN: idk if anyone wants tagged in this WIP but let me know. 

“The boxes are out the side door, you don't mind giving me a hand right son?"

“Not at all, sir." He swallows the nerves pooling in his throat. They walk to the side door and Astarion begins to move each heavy box through the door frame.

“My little Vira seems very keen on you." her father starts sitting at the desk.

“I suppose so sir, she is a wonderful person." Astarion smiles, maintaining his composure.

“I will speak plainly because I like you too. What are your intentions here Little Star?” He asks prying open the lid of a box and checking the packing pages. 

“I don't have any intentions, sir. I just want to get to know her. If anything blossoms from that I give you my word that would be only by her own want." Astarion swears, dragging in another two large boxes taking off his vest, and wiping sweat from his forehead. 

“And if she did want that?” her father asks, not moving his eyes from his work.

“If she wanted that and I did too then I suppose we would see where that path led us together.” Astarion shrugs, setting a box on the table for her father to catalog. 

“What about any…  other urges you might have.” Her father adds pointing his pencil to Astarion's neck, moving his collar down enough to show his scars.

Astarions blood runs cold like it hasn't in a century. Nervous. Scared. “Completely under control.” He urges standing in the door frame looking for any lingering boxes as he grabs the last one and hauls it into the room. “I'll explain if you wish, but it's not everyone's favorite conversation sir.”

“Just tell me that my daughter isn't some meal ticket for you and we'll call it that.“

“Not at all, sir." Astarion shakes his head matter of factly. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind.

“Thank you." He breathes a sigh of relief “How old are you anyway? I know that you're much older than you look, but I don't trust the gossip in town to have their information straight.” Astarion grimaces as he states his age before her father whispers mostly to himself “Such a babe." He tuts “but you seem to have done well for yourself the other years." Astarion purses his lips and nods in agreement unsure what to say. “Listen Astarion,” he sets his work down and folds his hands looking straight at Astarion "you seem like a good man, and my Vira likes your company and you treat her even better than she would like. You are welcoming my home as long as you have her blessing and her best interest at heart. I haven't seen her this happy since we lost her mother, spirits protect her, and just wanted a moment to get to know you myself.” He looks to Astarion with pleading eyes "Just don't hurt her... please. She's all I have.”

“I understand sir. I have no intention of doing that.”

“And stop calling me sir." The father laughs, instantly changing the energy in the room “It's too formal. If you need to call me something my name is Eyman."

Astarion laughs implying an agreement moving a new box to the table and moving an already sorted one to the floor. “I'll try my best. Old habits and all.”

They share a laugh as the door opens and Vira walks in with her hands full of 3 pies "Daddy why are we closed?!"

Her father nods his head toward Vira releasing him from their talk “No one was here to man the counter, Junior was busy moving the crates and I was cataloging."

Astarion rushes to her, taking two of the pies from her hands, and handing one to Eyman.  “They were so good last night.” He hums perching on the arm of the chair where Vira sat herself. They sat, enjoying their meal. Astarion smiles to himself enjoying the semblance of a family meal again. 

Eyman rights himself after finishing his meal and agreeing that the food was better than he anticipated. He flips the sign to open again and asks Vira and Astarion to continue their work from before. The afternoon passes as they share giggles and looks and talk about what books that they're stocking or packaging. Eventually closing time chimes and Eyman tells them to “get out of here, you both are too young to spend all of your time in this stuffy bookstore." He winks at Astarion telling him he refuses to treat him like he's ‘other than.’ Astarion is pulled out the door before he can respond. 

“Where in the hells are we going in such a hurry?" Astarion asks while keeping pace with her being dragged through crowds of people. 

“There's a circus in town and I don't want to miss its opening night." She says slowing down, realizing just how manic she must seem "There's minstrels, and portraits painters, a djini, clowns and even beasts.” She cackles slightly when she says beasts “I'm a sucker for animals. Even if they could feasibility tear me limb from limb.” 

“Djinis.” He scoffs "Scheming little bastards. The last one I interacted with turned me into a wheel of cheese just because I evened the playing field.”

“That doesn't sound grate at all.” She smirks at him

“And now you make jokes.” He laughs, grabbing at her sides to tickle her as she squirms away. He playfully pulls her back to his side and sweeps an arm around her waist. “You're lucky you're cute, because your jokes, my dear, need work.”

“Trust me that I have no intention of trying to make them better.” She laughs at her response leaning into him.

They giggle and walk closer to the circus before Vira asks what Astarion and her father talked about while she was gone. "He told me that he knew what I was and wanted to make sure I wasn't just looking for my next meal," he smiles, mindlessly running his tongue behind his teeth. “He just wanted to know what my intentions were with you.”

“And what are those intentions?” She asks meekly turning her eyes to his face that is still smiling, his eyes meet hers quickly as he scans the crowd around them.

“What do you want them to be?" He answers her question with another “I told him that I intended to get to know you better and see where things take us.”

“And if I wanted this to head somewhere serious?" She asked kicking a rock from under her feet.

“Then I think I could be persuaded." He playfully responded and squeezed her closer to his side.

She smiled wide and rubbed her thumb on his side in return before leaning into him “It just feels so natural being with you." She sighs.

He quietly laughs through his nose “It really does." He bumps his hip into hers pushing her slightly off balance causing her to grab onto him to steady herself. She laughs in response and bumps him back, not pushing him as off balance as she had hoped. Astarion rolls his eyes and a giggle slips from his lips.

They get into the circus and walk through the pulsing crowd, avoiding the djini’s tent because it was the same one from all those years ago. After seeing the “cute little beasties" as she called them they found themselves standing in line for the dryad. Originally by accident, not realize what the line was actually for, but then almost on a dare between each other. 

“We don't have to do this." Vira urges “It's crazy right? We don't know each other well enough to do this." 

“Where's the harm?" He shrugs, raising an eyebrow “Maybe she'll tell us something we don't know."

She shrugs and agrees as Astarion pays the woman for a session.

“Interesting…" the woman hums “Where two bodies stand many histories reside. A long line connecting you both. Answer my questions so I can see your true potential.” Vira passes her fingers over Astarion's arm and sits across from him.

“Where does Vira find the most peace?"

“In the cemetery with Tavilline." He smiles speaking her real name, but smiles more when Vira nods to the dryad.

“Very good. Knowing when your muse finds her peace is invaluable knowledge. When does she find the most joy?"

Astarion thinks, not sure but on a whim he responds as if he were answering about Tav “seeing the people she loves thriving."

Vira blushes and pushes her hair behind her ears. 

“A selfless partner is not always a blessing Astarion, your answer is true, but be sure to tend to her like she does others…  Finally, when does she feel fear? “

He doesn't even think about the question before answering “not being able to answer her Lord's question and losing the people she cares about.”

“Only one answer per question. Which does she fear most?"

“Not finding the answer." He states.

Vira squints at him and says quietly “he's right." 

“You both have many things in common, but there is a sturdy wall built that will need to be taken down before your full potential can be explored. I hope you both have the will to break that wall. Your love could be unlike one this realm has ever seen.” With a flourish, the dryad brings them back to the noise of the circus and continues their musings with the next couple. Astarion wraps his arm with Vira’s before putting his shaking hands in his pants pockets.

“I wonder what that means." Vira grumbles “So cryptic. I guess that's why people don't put a lot of stock in what they say, but, curiously, you were right every time. How did you know what brings me joy? We haven't talked about that at all. The other questions, sure it's probably came up or were pretty easy to read. But that…”

He laughs “Honestly?” asking her permission to be blunt with her to which she nods “I just answered like I was answering for Tav.” he shrugs. “The two of you are too similar and I kind of panicked” he laughs nervously.

She stares at him for a whole beat, lost in her thoughts. “Curious.”

They spend another hour or so milling through the circus as night begins to fall. They left the circus and just walked along the river bank behind the church holding each other's hands. Not speaking much, but still joking and flirting and enjoying the others' presence. Eventually, Vira breaks  the silence “Do you really see similarities between me and Tav?”

Startled for a moment Astarion just looks at her studying her face in the moonlight. “Yeah.” he shrugs, “I do. But I don't want you to think tha-” he is cut off by Vira.

“You don't have to explain.” she smiles and shrugs. “I'm honestly honored if you see some of her in me, you clearly love her.” She speaks of Tav in the present tense. “And she’s an amazing person from all accounts I've heard.”

“She truly was.” he sighs while smiling. 

“Would you humor me by telling me what you see that's similar?”

“As long as that's not weird…” he pauses “I feel like there's some taboo talking about my deceased wife on a second date.” forcing a laugh through a shaky voice.

She stops their walking and holds both of his hands in hers moving her head and forcing him to look into her deep green eyes “If I thought it would be weird, I wouldn't have asked Astarion. But if you don't want to, I won't be upset.” She reassures him by moving her hand to gently touch his face.

“Well that's one way.” he smiles into her palm and places a small kiss on it. “The way that you treat me gently. The difference is that she knew why I needed it, and you don't. You just do it.” Vira smiles at him, not moving her hand from his cheek. “And the way that you can make even the most mundane tasks into something fun.” he chuckles “And, if I can say something without getting elbowed” he smirks and looks into her face waiting for a nod “Your attitude!” he rolls his eyes, smiles and rocks his head beach before looking at her again “Gods be damned, the way that you constantly roll your eyes when you're happy, embarrassed or frustrated. You've got a mind of your own, and you're not afraid to use it much to your dad's dismay. That was something that drove me mad in every way about Tav. She just couldn't be tamed, and I would not have had her any other way. The way that you would be just as happy out on the town or with your nose buried in a book.” he smiles wide, laughing through his nose and shaking his head “All of that without mentioning the fact that your eyes and hair are a carbon copy of hers from decades ago.” he pushes his fingers through her long hair and pushes it behind her shoulder to look into her face. 

She blinks slowly, unconsciously leaning into his touch. “As I said, I'm honored to share any qualities with her.” startled when he leaned in to kiss her lips.

His hand is holding her head under her ear and pulling her face to his, kissing her eagerly. “I don't know what this is,” he points between them “but I just can't get enough of you.” he kisses her again “And I am more excited than I could have imagined to see where this goes,” he admits, nervous that he's going to scare her away. 

She moves quickly to wrap her arms over his shoulders returning the kiss, feeling his hands fall to her waist. She sighs softly into his lips “Then we will see where it goes.” She smiles as she pulls her face away from his. “You're not the only one that is excited.” she coos “but as excited as I am, I am exhausted, and have a long day at the shop tomorrow.”

“I've got some meetings to attend to.” he grumbles “but I’ll be by as soon as I can, to give you some company.” He releases her waist and starts to walk toward her house. Smiling to himself when she wraps her arm through his. When they find themselves in front of her house he leans on the door frame as she walks in the door “I hope you had a great night, darling.”

“Just the best.” she beams “Thanks Astarion.”

“Anything for you. Goodnight and make sure you lock up.” he reaches his hand out to her, which she eagerly takes. He kisses her knuckles and releases her hand “Until next time.” he smiles and steps out of the door letting her close it.

“Sleep well tonight.” She smiles and slowly closes the door. When he heard the lock latch he headed home through the cemetery brushing his hand over Tav’s headstone as he walked past, too tired to stay and chat. “I love you Tav.” he whispered as he walked past

He walked home quickly heading straight to their bedroom. Exhausted, he bathed and changed into his sleeping clothes, and fell onto his side of the bed. Feeling the down bed depressing beneath him. Anticipating the ache in his chest to tighten, he was shocked when that didn't happen. A little guilt appeared, but not that heart-wrenching pang in his chest. “Huh.” he tuts to himself, allowing himself to actually rest for the first time in such a long time. After sleeping like a stone he woke up and found his way to Wylls office to see when the meeting was.

Taglist:

@zoeloveslotr @silverfangmarks @prudent-nerd

[xpao-bearx]

Guess who started being consumed by playing BG3??? 👁👄👁

In honour of this INCREDIBLE game, here's my Tav!

(Sorry that the photo quality isn't the best, these are not in-game screenshots! I just took pics with my phone, but I do wanna say that my Tav has a LOT of freckles on her body that the pics didn't do justice)

Her name is Mon'sun and SHE IS MAH FUCKING BABYYY 😭❤️❤️❤️

I plan on writing a fic with her and the star himself (AKA MY DARLING 🥰): ✨️Astarion✨️ I already have a SHITLOAD of ideas, I just wanna play some more first and see how Astarion's romance pans out before I begin! So if that's something you'd be interested in reading, thanks sooo much and deffo keep a lookout for any updates~ Also, their ship name is SunStar which is JUST THE CUTEST FUCKING THING ALSKDJSKLJ

And I just wanna give my deepest love and gratitude to my two queens @kuroosexuall and @matchamocchi 💕 They have been nothing but patient and supportive of all my SERIOUSLY unhealthy fangirling over the sassy vampy elfy as well as my OC 🥲

But for the meantime, while I still haven't written my fic, below are some (*cough* a LOT so buckle up *cough*) stuff I've thought up for Mon'sun! Just to give y'all a fun lil taste of how I imagine her as a character, though I'm sure as I continue to play I'll get even more ideas and I'll probably have to edit this or post more about her, in which all posts connected to her will be tagged as #Mon'sun and Mon'sun x Astarion being tagged as #SunStar so y'all can easily search for them if you're interested. BTW I purposely left out extra details regarding her childhood as well as her thoughts about the tadpole cuz those are stoofs I'd like to reveal and explore in my fic!

And sadly, I'm not an artist, but I'm planning on and SO excited to commission various artworks of Mon'sun and SunStar from some truly extraordinary artists when the time comes so just wait for thy eyes to be blessed! \(^o^)/ Speaking of, if y'all are ever curious about Mon'sun, please don't hesitate to send me asks and such cuz your interest in my baby would be the BIGGEST honour 🥹

Now, without further ado...

Get to know "The Scarred Bard" under the cut!

In the game, I chose Voice 8 for Mon'sun but I headcanon that her voiceclaim is annapantsu (YouTuber who does a lot of amazing song covers!! 🙌)

Her theme song is Love Runs Out by OneRepublic

She does have a last name that she took on in honour from the woman who adopted her in Baldur's Gate but she hasn't found the need to tell anyone what it is

A drow half-elf and a College of Lore bard 🎵

Tends to face a lot of discrimination due to being a "filthy half-breed" and possessing drow ancestry, not to mention her drow parent being Lolth-sworn; her blood red right eye a telltale sign and a deep, angry scar permanently carved across it a merciless reminder of what she resents about herself

Occasionally has dreams and thoughts of the goddess Lolth speaking to her, tempting her with sweet whispers of cruelty and darkness. Mon'sun tries her damndest to resist--to stay on the path of good--but violent impulses erupt when the thin string of her patience (and sanity) snaps and it feels so fucking good

Mon'sun aligns as a chaotic neutral character. While she does try to be good, she is quite an unorthodox heroine in her personal little tale and can be pushed to make extreme decisions should she feel that they are for the better...or just whichever's a more fun option 🤭

Survived a poor and bleak childhood, but full of love in her early years; certain circumstances impacted this happiness which drastically changed everything

One of the youngest in the party, only in her early to mid 20s. And though she's not sure when her actual birth date is, she does consider the day she was adopted--saved--as such

Very resilient and versatile even through the worst scenarios (likely due to her past), but would much rather avoid problems whenever possible. She may be seen as a bit of a coward because of this though she certainly doesn't mind (she'd like to keep her gorgeous head, thank you very much!). However, there are times where she exhibits great bravery, such as standing up for the weak and defending innocents regardless of the consequences. She can also be quite mischievous and defiant with her enemies, truly a bard through and through with her vicious mockery 😈

She tries to see the good in everyone, to be patient and understanding, giving them the same chance she hopes to receive if she ever finds herself in a similar situation. However, some fuckers don't deserve that kindness and a sick, exhilarating part of her deep down yearns for the bloodshed sure to stain her hands. After all... She would only be granting them a mercy by ending their repulsive, pathetic lives...right?

She is proficient with weapons though she prefers casting spells especially ones that can be utilized from a good distance (Fireball being one of her all-time favourites--efficient and hot, both in a sexy way and an "I will feed your barbecued corpses to my widdle baby owlbear" way). She's also a fantastic cheerleader; she will happily let the stronger people on the team handle the grittier scraps of battle while she does a jaw-dropping performance of ✨️Bardic Inspiration✨️ on the sidelines (Lae'zel STRONGLY disapproves)

Skilled in stealth and sleight of hand accompanied by a biting wit (seriously, she has the potential to have been a rogue instead). Tries her best to make an honest living as a wandering bard, but whenever money and options are tight then she's driven to petty thievery. Although, as much as she hates to admit it, there is something in her that utterly relishes in the intoxicating rush of crime

Lockpicking is more so a hobby rather than a necessity for her. Funnily enough, with how much she likes to explore, she probably came across and "collected" the key that opens that mysterious door advancing the party's adventure. However, the key seems to be merely decorative because Mon'sun already opened the door since the shiny lock caught her eye as soon as the party stepped into the room! She'll even lockpick a shabby chest filled with absolutely nothing simply because she finds it to be a fun game to pass the time while everyone else debates on the next course of action (like a child being given a toy to amuse themselves with while the adults discuss boring adult shit). Astarion will even join her sometimes, and they also constantly challenge each other on who gets to disarm a trap first while the rest of the party make bets on who will win

What she lacks in strength, she makes up for with her incredible dexterity

While she is a survivor in her own right, she can't deny that pure dumb luck has saved her more times than a bard has bedded a dragon...which is definitely saying a lot

After travelling around for so long, the vast world of Faerûn has fuelled her curious mind with quite an impressive amount of knowledge along with fascinating stories to tell. But while she basks in the freedom of it all, her heart aches for a true sense of belonging; a home

She loves--and I mean LOVES--looting dead bodies. While their demise is certainly unfortunate, their loss is her grateful gain as well as a much less criminal way to obtain some quick valuables (hey, she can sympathize and get rich. It's a win-win!)

A biiit of a hoarder (perhaps she was a dragon in a past life, she jokes). Her pack is nearly always full of various junk, good and bad. She gets attached easily to these items and keeps making the excuse that "they could be handy or fetch for a pretty penny one day" all while almost never actually trying to get rid of them (DEFINITELY not me projecting myself here 👀)

She is VERY charismatic, successfully deceiving or talking her way out of many toils and even persuading powerful creatures to side with her which makes her pretty powerful, too, in her own right. On the other (much darker) hand... This sweet, cheerful bard has convinced some enemies to literally kill themselves, saving her from aaall the tough work she really can't be bothered with of ridding them herself--and she'll gladly do it again in a heartbeat. Work smarter, not harder as they say! 👏

Confident, outgoing, and playful with a flair for the theatrical; also rather perceptive to the people and things around her, but can be serious and empathetic when needed. Often tries to keep a positive (if not naive) outlook on life and continues to hold hope for a better future against all odds, yet is actually burying a devastating loneliness and pain within the depths of her soul

Can be a flirt and almost never hesitates to sleep with any man interested in her. For her, however, it's not about physical pleasure--it's about intimacy. Chasing after the high of being in someone's strong embrace, their warmth melting the icy melancholy her heart is trapped in; even if only for one, meaningless night

Despite everything, she has a big heart. She has a hard time saying no to anyone in need, her selflessness (or too much of it for that matter) sometimes leading to be a weakness. She particularly has a soft spot for children and animals, as well as being able to understand and communicate with the latter thanks to the "Speak with Animals" spell. And while she is a chaotic neutral, she instantly becomes chaotic good (emphasis on chaotic) when it comes down to animals, literally slaying everything in her path if it ensures the animal is safe from those that hurt it as well as adopting any stray back in camp if it's possible (Astarion hated it at first, until an ungodly swarm of adorable cats eventually started to appear 😹)

Besides her affinity for dramatics and the spotlight, she is usually a pretty relaxed person. That all changes, however, when a party is involved. Bring her to a lively tavern and pump some drinks into her system and she's more than ready to live it up the entire night! Good luck trying (and failing) to rein her back in... She's toootally not banned from a few taverns because of this 🙃

Talented in singing and playing many different instruments, but her main instrument of choice is the lyre. The lyre that she ventures everywhere with is from her childhood, a gift from someone near and dear to her heart. The "Spider's Lyre" as it's curiously called, in which her nimble fingers have nearly been sliced off countless times in her youth while practicing due to its dagger sharp strings, but she cherishes it like her own life

Although music is her passion--her blood--she indulges in other forms of creative art like writing and drawing when she has the time. She proudly showed off her skills this one instance when she doodled on Vlaakith's portrait in Crèche Y'llek. She believes she made it look so much better, but you could say that she and Lae'zel had...creative differences. But was it worth it even though she got chased around by Lae'zel afterwards as the gith maniacally swung her sword, Astarion giggling in the background while everyone else tried to stop Lae'zel? Oh, absolutely!

While she doesn't have much and has learned to make the most out of very little, she's quite vain and puts in the time and effort to take care of her appearance. As a bard, she lives to perform, but stands by the firm belief that her beauty needs to shine as brightly as her stage presence does lest she's hardly a bard at all

Easily makes friends almost everywhere she goes (even with more, um, questionable folks), but difficult for her to open up more and feel that she is genuinely close to someone (until she met the companions, that is)

Has a little habit where she fiddles with her eyebrow piercings whenever she's anxious or deep in thought

She's not a fan of dark spaces. She's not afraid of the dark, but being in any gloomy place for too long makes her feel uneasy and prone to panic attacks, desperate to feel the sun on her face again. One of the reasons why she's never visited the Underdark before, opting instead to learn about such dangerous beauty through books and other adventurers' experiences

When she's being idle...well, she's not very idle at all. She's always softly humming something to herself or slightly bouncing/dancing in place

Keeps the party entertained on their journey through singing and sharing tall tales. Well, "entertained" is a bit of a stretch, considering Lae'zel's always screaming at Mon'sun to shut up (spoiler alert: she won't) 🤐

Has nicknames for everyone in the party: Astarion is Astie (later on "my star" when romanced and Astarion calls her "my sun"), Gale is Big G, Lae'zel is Lae-Lae (*cough* more like Lae-Me-To-DEATH *cough*), Karlach is Spicy Mama, Shadowheart is Shady Girl, and Wyll is Bof (short for Blade of Frontiers). Can't say that everyone's too pleased with what they're so lovingly (and weirdly) bestowed with, but they just got used to it and allows only Mon'sun to refer to them as such

Can be deemed as the therapist of the group. While she absolutely has issues of her own (and plenty, might I add), she chooses instead to focus on everyone else and help them. She is super protective over them (although, one pale elf in particular has caught her favour out of all)

While she cares a lot about everyone in the party, she does consider Gale to be her bestfriend. They just get along really well together; Mon'sun proves to be an eager and like-minded listener/conversationalist to the wizard prodigy's ramblings while Gale is just thrilled that someone (and so pretty, too) is actually so kind and attentive to him as an individual, even helping him with his little--well, BIG--situation. Astarion, on the other hand... Well, let's just say that he's not as thrilled for Mon'sun to be so close to someone else, especially Gale of all weirdos 🙄

She's a pretty colourful person so it fits that her apparel is the same. She'll never be caught dead wearing something so woeful as plain ol' black or white. In fact, being so unbearably boring may just be the cause of her death!

Has complicated feelings about gods. They're interesting, for sure, and she respects anyone's beliefs in them though she wouldn't exactly put her faith in any of them let alone kneel (looking at you Vlaakith). She'd rather put her faith in herself--just like she always has--but that doesn't mean she won't take advantage of any "divine" blessings that may come her way. Such is the case when she obtained the Phalar Aluve sword from the Underdark, offering a tiny bit of her blood in exchange which pleased Eilistraee yet greatly pissed off Lolth (Mon'sun the chaos gremlin definitely got a kick out of that especially since she knows the big scary spider lady can't do anything to her...she thinks. She hopes)

While she certainly revels in having the upper hand in troublesome situations, she's not really a power-hungry person. Although, having power does have its perks. She won't lie, she has played around in her tadpole-infested mind the far-fetched but very possible idea of seizing the Absolute's followers under her own control (I mean, hey, if there's one thing she's learned during this unique little trip is that anything is possible). Not all cultists are actually evil; she likes to think that she could give them a fair shot at redemption, and it doesn't hurt that some of these cultists are powerful people that could potentially be used to "liberate the world of evil"... Blame (or rather thank) Astarion for unlocking (hehe subtle pun) this ambition of hers, though she doesn't think she could ever do this without Astarion ruling by her side--together

[wetcatspellcaster]

Follow up to the romance question, did you Ascend Astarion in any of your playthroughs? And did anyone else get their version of a “bad ending”? Whether this was unintentional or by design!

hey anon!

this is where only playing Act 3 once so far is going to show :'))

everyone got their 'good' endings in my playthrough, although my Gale storyline was bugged so I didn't really get his story? just the Professor outcome? On the more ambiguous end, I saved Shadowheart's parents due to some very specific 'no dead parents in my escapist fantasy media' requirements, and Karlach and Wyll (freed from his pact) went to Avernus together, back in the days I dreamed of an Avernus DLC.

I'm currently playing a resistant Dark Urge so I imagine it'll be the same again.

to be honest, I know I'll sound like a major hypocrite but I don't think I'll Ascend Astarion in game unless I was in a playthrough where Tav doesn't find Vellioth's lore explaining both the higher cost and how Cazador became the person he was. As I've said a couple of times, whatever the disk-horse is, it isn't the personality or the relationship dynamics with Tav that are the sticking point for me - all of which were interesting and compelling enough to make me want to write a fic about it - it's the '7000 people killed'. in the same way I'm like "you know what, killing refugees *is* a line for me actually" I just don't think that decision is something I will find all that fun. I don't judge anyone for doing an 'evil' run or making 'evil' decisions, I am not taking any moral highground, I am just unfortunately a very tired person who fights my depression by picking optimistic outcomes in my escapist fictional pursuits.

The one thing I would change on a playthrough is potentially the decision with Shadowheart's parents, because I think in a romance you know you can support her afterwards through her grief, whereas as her friend I just didn't want her to live without her family :') I would also consider Ascending Gale, if not for the fact that I'm very shallow and god-mode makes him look like the silver surfer

[larkaloke]

Yezka'al: BG3 Questions Answered

Because I'm aware that I don't really know many people on here, but I wanted to answer all those character questions anyway, I'm just doing it in this format. But hey, if you have another question not on the list about Yezka'al (in this post) or (for the coming one) Vethryn, feel free to ask it!

QUESTIONS ANSWERED

What was your Tav’s place of birth and raising like? Yezka'al was born and raised in a creche on the Prime, but they never left the creche; they were (relatively speaking) somewhat coddled in the creche because of their noble parentage, and went back to live in Tu'narath once they were fully grown. [I'm cherry-picking a bit of older Githyanki lore here, but with dialogue options that are available, I think it works well enough still.]

What relationship did your Tav have with their family/guardian(s) growing up? Has that changed with age? Yezka'al didn't care much for their family or creche-sibs. They were ambitious, determined to succeed, and mostly considered how well other people would help them in doing that. If they had it to do over again things would probably be very different, but they don't, and given their current appearance, they're not likely to seek anyone out post-rebellion. Presuming they survive, of course.

Did your Tav receive any formal or informal education? If yes, how well did they learn? If no, why not? They did well in their martial studies, middling in politics and history, and rather poorly in everything else.

What hobbies does your Tav have? How did they acquire these interests? Yezka'al didn't really have any hobbies. They told themself that it was better to dedicate themself entirely to Vlaakith's service, but they also weren't given an opportunity to form hobbies. Researching other planes was their only hobby-adjacent activity, and they could write it off as being useful.

Did your Tav have any formal or informal employment? If yes, what was their job? If no, how did they make ends meet? How did they feel about it? If "on the fast track to being a knight in Vlaakith's service" counts as employment, yes. Otherwise no.

What is your Tav’s favourite childhood memory? What circumstances led to your Tav becoming their Class/Subclass? They were trained as a warrior from the time they could hold anything like a weapon, but the Eldritch Knight choice was because of their fascination with magic.

Did your Tav have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single? No. They were never interested in any of that. That's the one thing about their past life they don't regret.

What was your Tav doing when they were taken by the mind flayers? Hunting a mind flayer, ironically. It failed... rather spectacularly.

What would your Tav consider to be their greatest skill? Is this accurate? Yezka'al is aware that taking things apart with a very large sword is their greatest skill. They also think they're pretty good with the spells they've learned, but that's not accurate. The sword thing is. (They also think they're a decent diplomat. Not true. They just happen to know proper Githyanki etiquette which doesn't exactly translate well to most cultures.)

What would your Tav consider to be their greatest flaw? Is this accurate? They are, at this point, keenly aware that their judgment is in question and they made a lot of truly fucked choices.

What opinion does your Tav have about the Gods? Fairly neutral. They exist. Some of them are reasonable to worship. Some of them aren't. One of their friends is a god now, so I guess there's that.

How does your Tav feel about the wilderness? It's... interesting. Different. Often uncomfortable and dirty. It lacks the austere majesty of the astral sea.

How does your Tav feel about the city? So many people, so many smells. Actually worse than the wilderness.

What motivates your Tav to either embrace or resist the tadpole? Yezka'al did great at resisting the tadpoles because obviously they didn't want anything to do with illithid anything until they met Vlaakith and learned what was going on in the astral prism, at which point (after killing as few people as possible on the way out of the creche) they found a nice hole and binged on tadpoles. It was one of those bad decisions they made.

How does your Tav feel about killing? Killing is what they do best. It is a necessity. It's just... killing. They don't see it as anything special in particular.

How good of a liar is your Tav? How do they feel about lying? They are not a good liar, and usually don't bother. Generally they equate lying with cowardice and cowardice is the worst character flaw one can have, to them.

What is your Tav’s greatest fear? Ironically, becoming a mind flayer.

What is your Tav’s greatest desire? It was once to serve Vlaakith as well as possible and rise to the highest position in her court they could, but now they're completely focused on overthrowing Vlaakith and serving Orpheus instead.

What is your Tav’s greatest regret? It's hard to say, because they made a lot of bad decisions. Helping that one guy kidnap Isobel in the Last Light to try to infiltrate Moonrise Towers and then giving up on the infiltration angle anyway has got to be up there. Then there's helping that vampire rogue they took along to pick locks ascend but realizing that was a bad idea and immediately killing him. Or killing Kagha in the grove because obviously someone needed to and accidentally starting a massacre. Or... well, you get the idea. Lots to choose from.

How does your Tav feel about love? It's better to have friends. They just Do Not Get It.

Has your Tav become particularly close to anyone romantically and/or platonically in their journey? If so, who, and what is the relationship like? If no, why not? They're very good friends with Lae'zel, considering her almost like family at this point (specifically, like a younger sister who is sometimes annoying, but mostly great). Shadowheart is their best friend other than that.

What are 2-3 songs that your Tav would relate to? Uh... let's see. Veteran of the Psychic Wars - Blue Oyster Cult; Rebellion in Dreamland - Gamma Ray; When Legends Rise - Godsmack

What first impression does your Tav give off to strangers? They try to avoid being seen by strangers now, since it would be 'agh illithid', but before that they were fairly intimidating already.

How does your Tav feel about what others think of them? They really don't care. Or so they tell themself. In fact, they do care about what a few people think; mostly their chosen leader (Orpheus, now) and the handful of people they actually care about enough (Lae'zel, Shadowheart, maybe Gale).

Does your Tav have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general? They treasure their silver sword. It's a symbol both of what they had striven for their whole life and the new world they seek to build. Holding it now reminds them that they are still, somehow and to some extent, Githyanki.

How does your Tav feel about giving and receiving orders? They'll take orders from a very few people, and are completely comfortable giving orders. They expect to lead.

How well does your Tav function under pressure? Yezka'al would still tell themself that they function well under pressure, of course they do, but they really don't. Thus all the messed up choices they made.

What advice would you give to your Tav? Most of the advice would only be useful in retrospect, such as "hey, if you actually don't kill Karlach you might not have to become an illithid eventually!". After what they've done... well, they're making the best of it they can now.

What are your Tav’s intentions/goals after the end of the game? Yezka'al's sole focus now is to see Vlaakith defeated and Orpheus enthroned with their people free. After that is done - earlier if they start to slip and become unrecognizably themself, wholly illithid - they have asked Lae'zel to kill them.

[sipsoftea]

I finally got bg3 and now i can draw for it without feeling like a fake fan :D so some first thoughts are in order I think.

1. I'm head over heels for gale. I really thought I'd be an astarion or a karlach kinda gal, and don't get me wrong, i am, but I fell in love with gale the moment I pulled him out of the portal and he immediately started on a rant giving me all the tadpole lore he had available.

2. I cried over how frickin sweet and compassionate karlach is. *spoilers* I don't remember her exact words, but when I told her about how gales ex wants him to blow himself up for her "forgiveness" karlach was so aggressively compassionate, saying something along the lines of "any God who tells you to blow yourself up, is no God worth worshipping" and I love her so so so much, for her compassionate wisdom and for who she is as a person.

3. The music is actually frickin incredible. I hadn't heard any of the music before I bought the game, I assumed it was good because games like that usually have a big emphasis on music, but goodness gracious, I wasn't ready for it to knock my socks off like that. genuinely breathtaking.

4. I don't like to swear, but fuck death shepherds. they are the most obnoxious freaks I've ever had the displeasure of coming across, I hope they step on Legos and trip into the fiery pits of hell, where they'll be forced to fight their own kind without the use of their own magic.

5. Scratch is the best boy. I would die for him.

6. I don't want to hate on anyone's choices in favorite characters, but I cannot stand shadowheart. I'll probably be eating my words once I get to know her better, but I sincerely wish she'd shut up about her goddess. I'm currently in the middle of doing shar's gauntlet, and she keeps bringing up the fact that she was "meant to be here", and that "shar must favor her somehow". Like, bestie... that can't possibly be a good thing. From my understanding, most of the gods in this game are actually trash, like dumpster fire levels of horrid. Like mystra asking gale to kill himself for her forgiveness, or whatever tf the absolute is, or shar taking peoples memories and lives if they stay in her shadow realm without a light source for too long. And I don't want to victim blame or anything. I think she mentioned she was raised in the church, so I imagine all this was forced into her head from a very young age. It just wears on me a little, that's all.

7. Everyone wants to get with me EXCEPT gale. I love him to bits, but man he's a challenge to romance ((and i would like to say, i really do love the platonic love my tav and gale have for each other, it's really sweet)). Shadow heart invited me to drink with her at the party, I ended up having to load a save because I'm terrible at rejection and I didn't want to romance her.

Next, I went to camp and the game immediately forced me into a dance cutscene with wyll, I once again had to load a save because I'm terrified of rejection. And gale is just like "wow, you're such a good friend :))" and I'm more than happy to be his friend, don't get me wrong. I just want to cuddle my wizard under the stars while we talk about our favorite interests, is that so much to ask?

But over all, this game is incredible. I've been playing nonstop for the last three days or so, it's really been a joy. Now I just need to figure out how to draw all of my favorite characters so I can post a bunch of scribbles >:))

[bg-brainrot]

I received this amazing question on my elf-Tav x Astarion reincarnation story (shameless plug): Do only elves reincarnate? Or is elf-Tav only due to them being the only ones to trance and see their past lives?

Let me tell you, I've spent way too much time thinking about and looking up scraps about D&D reincarnation so please enjoy my info-dump answer below 👇

Thank you so much for asking :D The short answer is: yes, elves reincarnate canonically because of some reasons (that may or may not still be lore accurate in all versions of D&D). If you don't mind me nerding out a bit keep reading!

So from my understanding, they introduced the concept of the "Reverie" for elves in D&D 2nd edition-- where elves recall their past lives. They never explicitly call it reincarnation, but definitely imply that the elven "soul" persists. In later editions of D&D, elves are said to have a limited pool of souls, so when they die, their souls essentially enter a waiting period in Arvandor (the realm of the Seldarine, the elf gods) until they have a new elf body to inhabit, and Corellon (elf god) sends them on their merry way to live a new life.

Some interesting snippets about the process from a source book (note: MToF was removed from the lore last year but I still think it's neat):

"What an elf remembers during this reverie depends largely on how long the elf has lived, and the events of the lives that the elf’s soul has experienced before."

"Each birth represents an elf soul that has been to Arvandor and returned. Mortal elves cannot know if it is the soul of someone recently dead or someone who died millennia ago. They cannot even be certain it is an elf of the same world. "

That being said, the concept of souls is true of all races! You can be reincarnated if you're not an elf, but that goes against the lifecycle for most races. They die, go to The Fugue Plane, get judged, and sent to different planes depending on how they're judged (the Outer planes, easy to think of them as just levels of heaven/hell). Unless they sold their soul, as you might expect haha.

There are some spells that can affect this! Reincarnate, a 5th level spell, can bring someone back into a new body if they haven't been dead more than 10 days, Resurrection, a 7th level spell can bring someone back who's been dead up to 100 years if their soul is free and willing, and True Resurrection, a 9th level spell, can bring someone back who's been dead for up to 200 years if their soul is free and willing. All of these souls are 1k gold to 25k gold worth of components to cast, so they're not really feasible for anyone who isn't a high level adventurer (with a LOT of diamonds specifically). So basically, other races don't tend to reincarnate. Elves will reincarnate *eventually*, I'd like to think that Tav pushed their way to the front of the line. :D

Disclaimer: this only works with non-Drow elves, since Lolth picked a whole big fight with the Seldarine.

To add on from my own personal D&D experience on why I picked this way to tell the reincarnation:

You can never find enough diamonds for all of the healing you want to do.

Some souls can be surprisingly "unwilling" even if you do have the means to bring them back.

Dying is not considered all that bad for elves because of the way this cycle goes.

I think this is more angsty for Tav x Astarion hehe

Thanks for reading my nerd rambles! I definitely picked the D&D lore that suited my story/interests so like, I'm sure a better, more knowledgeable nerd could add color and corrections. But I'm happy with what I have to tell the story I want to tell sooo 🫥

[lutethebodies]

Lore Bards Gonna Lore Bard

BG3/5e folks: do you like lore? Do you like homebrew? I need your opinion. I have one more encyclopedia-type entry for the current run of homebrew-atlas-reposting, i.e. my bard's and cleric's exceprts describing the second of four world regions from a 5e fantasy gazetteer I self-published in 2022.

I know I post about it a lot, especially on a blog nominally dedicated to my BG3 Tavs, but it was a big deal for me and I'm really proud of it. It was literally 30 years in the making, and this may sound like bragging but I really crushed it. Furthermore, I'm ramping up to tackle a second volume later this year and probably most of next year.

But I understand it might not be very compelling to read for most people, who of course aren't in my head and can't get stoked for a homebrew world they don't play in or encounter in a compelling way. I'm not sure if the bardic history/clerical encyclopedic nature of the entries helps or hurts that, but I know the whole book isn't like that.

For example, I just re-read two of the scene-setting pieces I wrote a year ago for the second, in-progress gazetteer, and they feel pretty compelling. They're based on the framework of corresponding entries for the first gazetteer, which ain't bad either, if I do say so myself.

I guess what I'm saying is that I can post lots of writing on this blog, but it won't be BG3 fanfic because I'm not good at that and don't really want to be. I'm good at lore, and specifically I think I'm good at personalizing lore, i.e. writing about Big Doings from a character-driven perspective that makes them more interesting to read than conventional/dry names-and-dates history.

This stems from my feeling that interesting characters become more so when readers understand the world these characters live in and how that made them who they are. As a map-illustrator, I work with a similar concept: pretty maps may look great, but without stories of the people who live in these places, pretty maps is all they'll ever be.

Would that be interesting for any of you? I don't want to alienate anyone and I especially don't want to post things that I think are awesome but which totally miss the reality of why people probably followed this blog in the first place. I also understand that I'm kind of a demographic outlier in terms of Tumblr users so what I write might not be what most folks are into.

Eh, maybe instead of fretting about it I'll just throw some stuff up here and see what sticks. The way the real world is going I'll still need something to escape to while everything burns, so it might as well be something that makes me feel accomplished.