#i don't know i'm not fully convinced but i'm not enough of an expert to really present arguments

[beevean]

Another thing to point out is that it's very likely that Lisa is Elisabetha's reincarnation.

I mean we know through Soma that that's possible, and not only do the 2 women look almost identical, have seemingly very similar personalities but also have almost the same name but look at the inspiration behind Mathias' story:

His story was certainly based on Dracula's from the 90s Coppola movie, in that version Vlad Tepes goes mad when his wife dies and decides to become a vampire to spite God. When he meets Mina Harker he realises that she's his late wife's reincarnation (and she is, it's confirmed in the movie itself) and falls in love with her. The main difference is that the Dracula in the movie tries to turn her into a vampire and manipulate her into being his forever while in Castlevania he seemed to genuinely love Lisa

And really, Dracula must've realised that it was more than a simple resemblence, if Brauner can recognise two random girls as his daughters' reincarnations and Alucard could seemingly track down Soma before AoS, then surely Dracula could've realised that he had just met his wife reborn

And at that point if she's technically the same woman that he used to love (though not completely, given that Soma surely isn't 100% like Dracula, only showing more Mathias-like traits when he saw Mina "die"), if she has a very similar personality as before and is willingly in love with you...then is it really replacing her?

I mean it's not like with Julia and Hector where we know for a fact that the former is a totally different woman

As an aside I feel like the best way to imagine what kind of person Mathias must've been before LoI is to just look at Soma

I don't have much to add lol. I haven't watched the Dracula movie but I knew that the Elisabetha plot point was inspired by it (also that has zero to do with the book but whatever).

I don't really know what to make of this reincarnation theme - yes, Soma is Dracula's reincarnation, but that's a special case. Why would Elisabetha reincarnate? Is Brauner actually right in seeing Eric's daughters as the reincarnations of his own, or is he just delusional?

As for the last part, I'm not sure how I'd describe Soma's personality other than slightly rude to people he doesn't know and bashful around Mina :P

[imlosingitiswear]

would love to hear your breakdown of the most egregious things the new season’s animation has done to the og intent of the manga (comparisons and all).

(note: i’m an animator and i agree with you i just wanna see what you’re specifically thinking of)

Oh boy

Ohhhh boy

Spoiler alert for ep 3 and comparison to the same scenes in the manga.

Also tw for some triggering moments from ep 3, please proceed at your own risk.

So this is going to be part 1 and I'm gonna start with shrimple 🦐 things because I don't have my big tablet with me so the suggestions are made with what I have available.

So first of all, the RCiel flashback, absolutely disgraceful execution.

I'm not going to go into it fully yet, but for example this scene:

In the manga you can see the horror in his eyes.

When using only black and white, one is forced to convey emotions in their most pure form because of the color restrictions. That's why it works so well, plus Yana is a master of shadows and compositions primarily containing black.

The "animated" shot does not convey even remotely the same emotion for me.

Firstly because of the style they have chosen. You can't have his eyelashes be this bright and expect to portray fear properly.

Secondly because of the colors.

IT'S SO DAMN BRIGHT.

Yes, the manga is also bright but that's because it wants to point your attention to his eye. And the emptiness that comes with the terror in it.

The blue in his eyes and the two highlights ruin any convincing part of this shot left. Too much detail, TOO MUCH. It works in the manga because it's made with as little lines as possible, the detail takes away the effect.

So here is what I added according to what I mentioned:

It's darker on the side, creating a greater contrast with the eye. I have included only one highlight, just like in the manga and have made the eyelashes darker. I also added a bit more detail under the eye for a stronger effect (just like it's done in the manga).

Here's a gif to show the difference:

(Please keep in mind I'm not claiming to be an expert and I'm not claiming to be better than the studio itself, this is just how I would have done it to fit the aesthetic and story better)

The next one is Sebastian related.

I hate his new design.

Bro he's so petite and shiny, WHY ARE THEY ALL SHINY, SINCE WHEN anyway

Here's one shot I took of his face that annoyed me to hell and back

Who is this man.

Is Tamatoa gonna come for him soon, what's the deal?

So I used Book of Atlantic as reference and fixed his face a bit. I also made the shot darker because OF COURSE IT WILL BE

(Once again, it's not the best, but at least the hair reminds of the og Sebastian and at this point, that's enough for me)

Here's the gif

And for last, another Seb related

He's giving again, he's a bit, just a tiny bit more serious again, you see how big of a difference to his personality it makes.

It's paying attention to those details that keeps a character in character.

It's this scene from the manga:

I love it's composition because look at how full and sad and overwhelming ociels panel is compared to how small and cornered sebs one is.

Not only is he so small, but he's also off center IN HIS OWN panel, pushed as much to the left as he can be to portray how distant he is to ociel now.

Its not about the speech bubble, it's about unconsciously separating them from one another.

And here's what the stupid ass studio decided is best

SMACKED HIS AAH IN THE MIDDLE, TAKING vertically 2/3 OF THE SHOT.

EHM

WHAT

Also IT'S SO BRIGHT YET AGAIN.

He's supposed to be lonely in this shot, left aside, pushed away, unwanted.

DON'T PUT HIM IN THE MIDDLE YOU DUMMIES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

I put him in the first third of the composition, put the light source off camera, cus we don't need that brightness, fixed his hair and made IT DARKER YET AGAIN. I also had to draw some of the background, I hope it doesn't stand out too much.

ANYWAY.

No gif cus there's a 10 pic limit that I didn't know about.

This is just the first part, I'll get to the animation and specific scenes later. I know I didn't cover any of the important ones but I can't do much without my tablet 😔

All of those shots, that mind you, 2 of which are not even animated at all aside from Sebastian's mouth, took me less than 2 hours to work on. Yes, the base was already there, but that little effort makes THE DIFFERENCE, IT MAKES SUCH A DIFFERENCE!!!

Once again, I'm not claiming to be an expert, I just really love this story and want it to get the care and proper adaptation it deserves.

And if you think I'm being nitpicky...

Yes.

I absolutely am.

Because that's how you make a high quality product.

By THINKING. And making THE APPROPRIATE CHOICES TO MAKE THE WANTED EFFECT EVEN STRONGER.

Wow I feel better.

Can't wait to get to the animation heheehehhe

Thanks for the request btw, you're awesome, let's colab and fix it together :3

Bye now, see you soon, keep arting!!!

[dammit-tazmuir]

Some dumb lyctor polycule ancient history headcanons (+ canon interpretation rambling) like five people will care about but still

-

John is quoiromantic bisexual and A— was aromantic bisexual. They met earlier, maybe like grad school ("he could have gone anywhere, but he stayed with me"), and became very close affectionate friends with benefits. M— was straight ("was"; Mercy over time shifted to be masc-leaning bi; I'm still sorry I know this is my hottest take) and when she came along as an expert for the cryo project, both the guys went "oh hot damn wow." Then they talked to her for five minutes outside of business and A— went "fucking yikes nevermind" and John went "OH HOT DAMN WOW."

John and M— got closer over time and it was Very Different than his relationship with A—. Not better or worse, but different, which made A— and M— resent each other all the more. John and A— had never wanted to put a label on things, but A— was still pretty jealous and it still felt weird to John to consider dating someone, and listen the communication was messy and not ideal but it did happen, and this led to John and A— reclassifying each other as real "partners" (albeit still platonic ones) around the same time John and M— started dating. (Everyone consenting despite the conflict.)

In A—'s mind, M— was devaluing his relationship with John just because it was platonic and acting like she was better. In M—'s, A— was being a whiny pissbaby to act like he had dibs when he wasn't even in love with the man. Both of them were in fact being petty judgmental bitches who eventually grew to respect the other's bond but always thought of their own attraction style as superior. ("You never loved him as much as I did...") Basically A— was convinced his yellow cake was more pure and simple while M— thought her fancy extra icing vanilla cake showed more effort and devotion and John was over here going !!! TWO CAKES :D

(Un)Fortunately A— and M— were both extremely stubborn and competitive and it wasn't JOHN'S fault the other was insufferable, I mean maybe it was a little bit for having bad taste, but like, they cared very deeply about and wanted to be with him so they weren't gonna push him away, that'd be stupid. And okay MAYBE the other's intellect was at least admirable and it got kind of impressive that neither gave up and maybe they get to a point where they actively enjoy being catty bitches who can consistently match each other's wit. Maybe they start to notice John hates it when they fight "too" much but also really likes it when they fight over him if they do it right, and maybe they've realized through work that they do synergize really well whether they like it or not, and maybe sometimes it's fun to conspire to make him really really flustered.

Maybe John is incredibly endearing as a person and his brilliance and passion for the project and for helping people in general never fails to blow either of them away, and they're both so inspired by him that they'd follow him anywhere, but he is also more devoted to the job than to either of them and not really the most attentive person in a relationship. And maybe they don't mind that but they do like how intensely they can get the other's attention even if it's technically negative and it's exciting and unfortunately the other has always been really attractive and God dammit they're fucking about this aren't they.

They both feel horrible after the first time and expect John to feel betrayed but it's actually super fucking embarrassing how excited he is about it. Like not even in a "maybe now we can do threesomes" way (I mean that's not a NON-factor just not the main one), but because !!! LET'S GO you see it you understand I TOLD both of you the other was great. He'd tease them both so much at first. I'd say fully the vibe of "you like Krabby Patties, don't you Squidward?" but it's John and it was probably just directly that reference at least some of the time.

Also listen he's self-aware enough to realize he's not an ideal partner and whatever they wanna do with each other takes that much more pressure off him so?? this is a win-win all around in his eyes. (Maybe that's not exactly 100% true and in the back of his mind he is just a little paranoid they'll end up only wanting each other and leaving him, but 99.9% of that is stamped out with a bit of time to prove they still care about him. The 0.1% lasts for eternity until the night of the murder but still.)

For a while A— and M— both softened quite a bit, still constantly fought and both adamantly agreed this didn't make them partners, but it got to a point it was like 60% doing a bit. Still a significant amount of very real getting on each other's nerves but they're kinda sadomasochistic about it now, and they also really deeply respect and value each other. Their routine looks ridiculous from the outside but it becomes deeply comfortable to the three of them, and while John still wishes they'd tone it down a little more, overall all three of them reach a point it's difficult to imagine things any other way.

And then the project gets shut down and John made a scapegoat as an excuse to do it. M— breaks down crying, and John goes numb instead even though part of him feels all the worse for not being able to cry with her, but A— does, and they're both determined to stay with John no matter what, and he's so infinitely grateful for them.

(For G— and C— too. C— comes as a surprise to him, and she'd been a lovely person to work with before but skyrockets up his special people list because she stays. G— has been his favorite person in the universe for years and still is, even if A— and M— now share that title with him. Incidentally John would have at any point dated G— in a heartbeat if G— was remotely interested Like That, but he wasn't and that was also fine, it didn't actually make much difference to John as long as he could keep him close in some capacity.)

And then John has magic apparently and shit gets worse and worse and worse and worse and then John watches M—'s best friend shoot herself and in a moment of desperation catches her soul and becomes aware of earth's. And half from the trauma of witnessing that, half from the sheer overload of awareness he's suddenly processing, he walks around mostly dissociated, mechanical, watching people drop like flies and pluck, pluck, plucking each of their souls, idly wondering at how it seems like everyone is fighting because of him yet doesn't even seem to notice him now. And he's so numb, almost watching from outside his body, but then A— and M— are there dragging him behind the table and holding his hands so tight that it pulls him back to himself just a little. A— cries about how John was one of the best things in his whole life, they both were, and M— repeats like a mantra that they're together, they'll go together, at least they're together. A— in a stupid moment tells them both to run and tries to play distraction, but is shot dead. A moment later, M— is dragged out and with her dying breath begs them to please just take John alive, and they shoot her too.

And "this is the part where I hurt you." John fully snaps and acts in fear and desperation as much as rage. He can fix it, he knows he can, he has to, he's sure he can figure out how. He just needs this all to stop, needs everything to stop, needs to make sure this never happens again, needs the bastards responsible to pay. They'll ruin anything they touch no matter where they go and they deserve to die, and if he dies here then who's left with the power to fix anything? He can fix everything, he can, he can, he just needs more power. C— always said he had to choose between salvation and retribution but he doesn't, it's both, the power from their deaths can help him fix it right? It's just so hard to think, the earth itself is screaming and screaming, he needs it to stop, needs everything to stop so he can think and figure out how to fix it.

But actually no in the time it took you to read that last paragraph everything already happened so fast and there are already nukes going off and it's not enough and he's tripping over bodies as he runs outside and falls to the earth and tries to eat it and can't. He's vomiting from grief and exertion and the dirt he's shoveling in his mouth. And he finally realizes he's gonna need a vessel, and in the course of a second thinks if he's doing this to her he should at least make her new form perfect, and his idea of perfect is being 7 years old playing with mum's old dolls.

And then they slip through his grasp anyway, and it's just him, and Alecto, and all these souls he snatched up, and the fear that no one will ever laugh at his jokes again, that if he was wrong about being able to figure out how to put them back together he'll just be stuck like this for eternity.

Thankfully he does! He can Fix It so it's Fine and it Definitely Didn't Matter. It matters so little and he's so totally fine with it and definitely feels he doesn't deserve blame at all but you know let's make sure to erase everyone's memories of what happened just in case. Turns out it requires a new name to have a new life but he can just alter their memories so they believe they've always had those too.

He could alter anything about them, really, could make Augustine and Mercymorn crazy about each other and make them the happiest triad there's ever been... but no, he does not want that, he wants them, as close to what they were as he can make them. He does not like change and this is already so much. At the very least he wants his same friends and partners at his side helping figure out all these changes with him.

And then he fails to account for how much time alone will change them eventually...

[the-golden-vanity]

Is there anything that’s stood out to you as different or unexpected the first time you went sailing? Especially if you’ve ever spent long trips out at sea. I’m writing a seafaring character and I’d love to hear any firsthand experience about it 👀✨

Hello, shipmate!

Firstly, I'm honored to be asked such a question. I'm far from an expert, but I suppose crewing a tall ship on the open ocean is an experience few are lucky enough to share in this day and age.

I signed on to the Pride of Baltimore II for a voyage up the coast with the idea that after reading so many books about pirates, whalers, explorers, and other seafarers, and after watching so many movies and TV series set during the Age of Sail, the only way I could feel truly complete was by experiencing the Age of Sail firsthand. I think I told more than one person on Boat Tumblr that this would either fix me or it would make me worse.

...I'd like you to guess which one happened.

Much of what I encountered on the ship was familiar to me from history and fiction. However, what reading and watching movies can never quite capture are the physical sensations. Here are a few:

The ship makes noise. All the time. It's very rhythmic and predictable, and it is constant. Timbers creak, ropes strain; if the wind is variable or unfavorable, the sails flap loudly. Some of my fellow guest crew were bothered by this, but I loved it. At the end of a watch, especially one where a lot of work needed doing, the rhythmic noises and the rocking motion of the ship were just what I needed to fall asleep for the next seven hours, or until I was called up for standby. I understand now what it means to be "rocked in the cradle of the deep."

If your vessel is well-ventilated, your vessel is sinking! When you are belowdecks, you are essentially in a wooden box. If it's warm on deck, it is oppressively hot and stuffy below, and although my berth had a door, I kept it open most of the time to catch what little breeze came through the main hatchway. The temperature cooled down as we sailed north, and was eventually pretty decent, except when the auxiliary engines were on. I can only imagine in the 19th and early 20th centuries, with steam-powered auxiliary engines, it would have been even hotter!

No one knows what day it is on board. Everyone's on watch on a "4 hours on—4 hours off—4 hours standby" schedule, so you're on duty for 8 hours total, split between opposite sides of the 24-hour day, so "days" don't really have much meaning. This would probably also explain why I saw several of my shipmates wearing an outfit multiple days in a row–it just didn't occur to them that it was a different day.

Before you get your sea legs, you will spend a lot of time stumbling around, falling on your ass, holding onto things for dear life. This, I think, is pretty common knowledge. What I don't think is common knowledge is the fact that once you get your sea legs, land feels like it's moving under your feet. While you're fully awake, it goes away pretty quickly. However, I was waking up for days afterward—like, 4 or 5 days afterwards—convinced that my room was rocking like a ship. Deeply strange, but absolutely worth it, since it meant I had been at sea.

That's what I can think of right now! Let me know if you have any other questions, I'm always happy to answer them.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Lisa, Kujou Sara and Ningguang caring for a sick S/O

A/N: Just some short and silly headcanons since I'm a little ill. The characters were picked by The Wheel. Don't ask why ALF is on the cover.

Lisa

"Don't worry, sweetie. Mommy Lisa will take very good care of you~" 

Enough said, Lisa is an expert at potion crafting. As soon as she notices you're sick, you'll have one of her most effective tinctures delivered to you in no time. It's bitter, but it will help - you'll be frolicking again in just a few days. If it helps, she'll be more than happy to spoon feed it to you! 

Nothing helps the body quite like a rich broth. Add some chicken, boil with carrots and top it off with some fresh marjoram straight from the windowsill, and viola - just like that you have yourself a tasty revitalizing soup. Lisa doesn't like eating meat, but she knows how important proteins are for recovery. 

Tending to you is a great opportunity to pamper the absolute life out of you. Tissues and medicine? Right on the spot. Feeling peckish? Here, let her feed you. Thirsty? The best tea will be brought directly to you. Sleepy? Lisa will tuck you in, or let you rest your head on her thighs if you want to. You will have everything you need and even more without having to move an inch. 

Lying in bed is important - it lets your body sleep and regain strength. Still, boredom strikes sometimes. Lisa will provide you with a few books from her personal collection. If you're too tired to read yourself, she will do it out loud. Her narration skills are really something special, and will keep you entertained for hours on end, or until you doze off in her caring arms. 

Kujou Sara

“The medic will be here shortly. Do you need tea or a cold compress?”

Although Sara isn’t well-known for her caring nature, she really does worry about you. Inazuma’s climate tends to be quite harsh, with all the frigid sea winds blowing through the islands day by day. Even a minor ailment can quickly turn into a long-term illness in these conditions, so she will convince you to stay home when the first symptoms appear.

If you work in the military, your leave will be signed by her without further issues. If you’re working in the civilian market, however, she won’t restrain from using her position to ensure your leave is approved by your boss. Because who in their right mind would argue with the Tengu General herself?

It has been some time since the conclusion of the Inazuman civil war, so most work regarding that period is far behind her. Sara’s general duties revolve mainly around paperwork - reading through inventory reports, approving funding requests and purchases as well as some officer training meetings every now and then. Thanks to that fact, she can work from home and keep an eye on you.

Sara isn’t the best of cooks, so most meals will be handled by your maids. This doesn’t mean she won’t contribute to your recovery. She will check up on you frequently, whether to see if you’re taking your medicine correctly, or just to keep you company.

Of course she will call a physician to examine you, and buy all the necessary medicine - she has an immense pile of money saved up due to her fairly modest lifestyle. 

One thing though - she’s sleeping on the couch. Sara can’t afford to get ill herself, even if it means forcing you to recover in a cold bed. Don’t you worry, she will give you more than enough affection to make up for that shortage once you’re back in full health. 

Ningguang

“Don’t worry, my dear. You will get better soon. Meanwhile, why don’t you try another cup of tea? I am sure it will help.”

Ningguang is a busy woman who has no time for sickness. But you? She’ll make sure you get the proper rest, else your weakened body will fall to another illness. There will be no work for you until you are fully recovered - just like Sara, Ningguang will not hesitate to pull a few strings to make sure you can rest without worry.

Baizhu will deliver only his best products, as money is hardly a concern for Ningguang. Every Mora used to help you get better is a Mora well-spent in her eyes. 

Although not a doctor by any means, Ningguang will use some homemade remedies as well - especially white tea with two spoonfuls of honey. The warm sugary drink will surely bring back your strength in no time… or at least lift your spirits. 

She will check up on you from time to time, yes, but will not take a day off. Liyue needs her, and there’s always money to be made. 

Ningguang will make sure to keep her distance - even if it is just a cold, it could affect her as well and make her work that much more annoying. That means no cuddles until you’re healthy - but, with the best medicine money can buy, you’ll be in her arms in no time.

Thanks for reading!

[askhakukusanagi]

woudl ever been in relpashi wth mroe one preosn at once

Would I ever be in a relationship with more than one person at a time?...

I'm unsure. It's never came up, frankly, and truthfully, it's hard to believe more than one person would want to keep me around. I think you're expecting too much of me.

But...

I imagine it comes down to if my potential partner is comfortable with it. I know what you're saying. "Haku, I thought you're looking for normalcy?" There's no such thing as a normal romantic relationship. That's assuming people fit into boxes, and they just don't. People are beautifully complex works of art, and no brushstroke is the same.

But expecting everyone to be okay with it is different. They say no, I say no, too.

I'm truthfully inclined to be a little selfish. Getting a reaction out of my partner and knowing I had the ability to make them feel that way is huge...but, I suppose seeing someone else is also quite nice.

I think I'd try it at least once. But everyone needs to be aware and comfortable with it before I even dare let it progress. And if anyone realizes at any point they're uncomfortable, we figure it out from there and find a healthy solution for all of us.

I don't know. It really depends on the situation. Like I said, it's a little hard to imagine someone that committed to me that they'd be willing to even be monogamous, let alone explore polyamory.

*Haku, despite being a lady killer, still struggles with confidence issues. Perhaps, if he makes you think poorly enough about him, or if he can trick you to take him less seriously, it'll be easier for you to let him go when (if) he betrays your trust and let's you down. Haku also loses interest in things very quickly. He is an expert at getting out when things get serious. He doesn't feel good about it, but, he gets cold feet often, and is prone to distancing himself in relationships because he is fully convinced that it's only a matter of time before he'll hurt his partner.*

For @leowifefover

《 I have a lot of thoughts about Haku's weaknesses as a romantic partner. He's a flirt and a tease, but, I think he's fascinating with how he flirts and breaks hearts to prove his selfdoubt right. He's stuck in a cycle, and needs someone to set him free from it.》

[lunar-years]

To preface I would never pretend to be any sort of expert on child abuse and trauma nor on healing from that trauma etc. but I also think the "Jamie wasn't forgiving his father, he was releasing his father's control over his life" viewpoint, while not necessarily wrong, is also...too simplistic? First of all Ted DOES frame it as "forgiveness." The phrase he uses literally is "just forgive him." So that's the message the show is sending regardless of whether that's how we personally make sense of Jamie's actions or not. Secondly, you don't just flick a switch from being terrified of your father and dictated by that fear one day to being totally free of his grip on you AND in a healthy and mentally stable enough place to reach out to him the next (let alone in the span of like, two hours, in the middle of a football match and immediately afterwards. Right after starting to emerge from a depressive episode!!).

I can definitely understand why Jamie may have texted his father in that moment, given the enormously high stress + bad mental health combo he'd been living under for days (weeks?), on top of Ted's (imo ill-fated) advice. But I can't for the life of me make sense of that being a "healthy" choice for him (which I think is how the show would like us to view it). The text alone may have not been inviting his father back into his life, but we see him going to visit his dad in the very next episode. I mean??? we skipped about 1200 steps to get there in an actually healthy way, I think, and talking to an actual therapist about the matter is top of the list.

If Jamie is working to free himself from his father's hold on him, that's a complicated and slow process that I'm not convinced is going to be helped by getting more involved in his father's life and potentially, given the rehab situation, care. I mean we know Jamie's character and I don't think it's really his personality to visit once for peace of mind and then drop this. It's much more likely he extends time and help to his dad and ends up more invested, rather than "free." That could be something that ends well for everyone, if his dad really is putting in the work and is in fact deserving of a ~second chance~ (or third, or fourth...we literally don't even know if he's tried and failed to get sober and Be Better before, but it's very possible), but it is also something that could go very very poorly and result in new devastation and instability for Jamie all over again. At the time Ted was giving Jamie his little speech about it (which he based on an extremely different situation with his own mother in his own life, mind you), he was completely unaware James Sr was even in rehab, and it was actually dangerous (imo) to Jamie, mentally and physically, for him to have given the advice that he did.

Basically, I think Ted's words were well meaning but ultimately very misguided, the actions we see Jamie taking as a result do make sense for the character's state of mind but not necessarily for his well being, and if Jamie would like to give his father another chance it is fully his decision and right to do so. But the storyline wasn't given the time nor care nor complexity that sort of story absolutely requires in order to be done well. And the fact that Jamie leaps in full-force on it without onscreen evidence of him getting any input on the matter from anyone in his life apart from one (questionable) conversation with Ted does not exactly instill confidence in me that the situation ends happily tied up in the bow of father-son reconciliation the show surface-level portrays it to be.

[4sterlayna]

Escapism and politics through the eyes of a teenage girl.

I am in no way certain if this is tagged right or if I'm doing the right thing, but I wanted to share a little personal experience related to the subjects in the title for the following reasons: to find people who relate, to find a solution/advice, and to make it available for anyone in need.

Disclaimer: English is my third language and I am self-taught so please excuse any mistakes I make. This is my very first time actually posting anything on any social platform so please be mindful of that. Also, this is not a vent. I am not asking for pity or sympathy, please do not accuse me of being an attention seeker because of this.

I'm a 17 year old girl, shiia muslim, living in lebanon and I've been living here since the moment I was born.

I was raised, nurtured, educated and built into the person that I am today thanks to my amazing family, community, and country, regardless of the flaws each of those things might have.

During my upbringing, as any other innocent child, I was carefree, relying solely on the care provided to me by my family and thinking my country was the best there is. I grew up believing in the greatness of the world, and it inspired a lot of my creativity and imagination throughout my life. I was so convinced that everything was perfect here.

Now, you might be thinking already, "what on earth does this have to do with the previously mentioned topics?"

Well, as we have all come to learn the older we got, we don't, in fact, live in a perfect world, and most certainly not a perfect country.

For me personally, this was a fact I came to fully and consciously understand only as of late 2019/early 2020, during covid.

At that time I was around 12-13 years old. Still fairly young, but these are the years we normally start developing our personalities and individuality. These are the years we discover the real world and our view of it, our opinions on things, how we manage social interactions and events, and things of the sort.

But that was not the case for me and many others. We were confined to our homes, and lost the opportunity of this development. We went a lot of different ways during those times.

Some were lucky enough to have the guidance necessary to keep in touch with the real world, keep up to date with everything and everyone around them, and not lose themselves in the solitude and most importantly the internet (social media to be precise).

But for those of us who were less fortunate, for those of us who were scared and not ready to face the horrors of the world just yet, who didn't exactly know how to handle the shock of our reality and who didn't have someone to help them through it, we (assuming there are other people who relate to my experience) resorted to escapism.

As previously mentioned, I've always had a wild and vivid imagination with a strong creative mind, so it was to no one's surprise that I developed a strong fascination with any kind of fantasy media. From anime, to books, to manga, cartoons, shows, manhwa, manhua...you name it.

Sure enough though, this fascination became a disease. Some would call it maladaptive daydreaming but I am no professional and thus can't confirm that without en expert's opinion.

While it wasn't like I was obsessed with it, but anytime I was faced with any minor issue and any glimpse of the real world I sought the comfort of my own little fantastical world. On top of it all, burnout hit me like a train at full speed.

There was hardly anything to ground me to reality anymore, and soon enough 2 years had flown by already and I was around 15 with absolutely next to if not zero knowledge on how time even passed, what happened during it, and what I was even supposed to do anymore.

I hardly knew who I was, who I wanted to be, who I was GOING to be and who I am. I was so unaware of my surroundings and detached from reality that everyday became a struggle. It was a constant battle of my consciousness against intense dissociation and derealization.

Around then I started truly understanding the heaviness of this detachment weighing down on me. But it didn't fully occur to me that I was the odd one, or at the very least I was in so much denial because of my fear that I was convinced I was the one who was misunderstood and everyone else around me was just wrong.

And that was the start of another interest of mine, psychology and philosophy. I did the impossible to understand every little detail about myself and the others around me in an attempt to "catch up" and comprehend what was happening.

For a while, I could say it helped me with a lot of things. I became more socially aware of certain things that otherwise would've gone unnoticed, I became more emotionally mature and intelligent, I became more understanding of others and accepting, and much more open minded than I was raised to be.

But unlike with fantasy, this interest of mine would go on to become an unbelievably unhealthy obsession to the point it started undoing all the positive progress it brought me and instead ruined my self-image and empathy.

I became too "self-aware" and overanalyzed every little detail, not out of interest or curiosity alone, but out of fear of being misunderstood and misunderstanding society, social interactions and cues, and every other aspect of the social life.

All the while there was a third issue I was facing: politics. I had no political awareness and no knowledge beyond knowing the name of a few political parties and maybe the president.

Maybe...

Frankly my memory is unsalvageable so you'll also have to forgive any mistakes I make with the chronological order of events whenever I mention specific dates and not just the events.

Regardless, the point still stands, I felt estranged in my own country, in my own home. But I tried to comfort myself by saying "oh I'm far too young for this" "I have time for this" "who cares about politics anyway" "what's politics got to do with us?!" (/ref) (cabaret the musical reference please get it :( anyways)

I thought I had all the time in the world, and no one really bothered telling me otherwise.

In reality though, a small part of me knew politics was the root cause of everything happening in my country, covid probably being an exception, so I knew I had to learn about it at least. Not necessarily in depth, just get an idea.

I needed to know, but that was a terrifying, terrifying thought. It sounded exhausting. Which now I find to be quite ironic considering my main issue wasn't with politics itself. I actually love politics, the idea of it at least. I've always enjoyed it in most of the media I consumed that had it or was centered around it, especially in books (the grishaverse, red queen etc... I honestly just wanted to mention these books I love them okay?)

Reading about something and experiencing it is very different though. You wouldn't believe how much content about war I've consumed and enjoyed throughout the years but when my turn came, I understood.

This is a very obvious thing we all know and believe in, logically at least. Logically, everyone is aware of the fact that things we enjoy in fantasy and such aren't necessarily things we enjoy/should enjoy in real life.

But still, no one will ever truly understand it until they actually experience it, no matter how aware they might be of that fact. No one will ever fully let go of their small fascination with whatever topic they like that could end up ruining lives if it were to happen, to them or to others, even though they KNOW that would be the case, until it actually happens.

There are a lot of things that I understand logically, but could never truly apply to my life, and the solution to my lack of political knowledge was one of them. Knowing the formula simply wasn't enough for me to find a solution.

In addition to that, I believed that I wasn't really all that lost if other people my age were at the same level as I was in that department. But I quickly realized that was not the case. Most, if not all of them, had at least some idea of what was happening, at the very least they knew enough for their age. I didn't.

So I went on to be hyperaware of this issue until now. Now, I am 17, and I can't run from politics or the world anymore. Not after they shoved my face in their dirty pile of atrocities that have accumulated over the years and crushed my skull into it to force me to accept it.

The only reason I didn't bother fighting it was because I was, of course, aware of its inevitability. The world is fatal and we all know there's no escape to any of it.

I was tired, angry, anxious, maybe a small part of me was a bit relieved, I wouldn't really know, funny enough. But what I knew was that I wandered there all alone in the dirt, and kept wandering and wandering, still as lost as I was in the beginning.

At least I didn't want to run away anymore, I suppose. Nowadays, I feel irritated when the idea of "escape" comes to my mind. There's no real escape, the only so-called escape there is is blinding myself against the horrors around me while they still keep piling up until they eventually drown me.

It really just sounds like a disgusting, cheap trick to keep us in line, and I regret denying it for so long just to keep my sanity and myself safe.

At some point, I stopped wandering. I guess I'd seen enough and was tired of it. Seeing so many problems and never hearing about any of the solutions is also just as much of a disease as escapism.

So I stood there, waiting, though I'm not quite sure for what. And I'm still standing now, but I think I know why. I wanted a solution, an answer to all of my questions, but it all seemed so chaotic and pressuring that I wasn't even sure there was one. What if I went out to search for it only to come back for a worthless journey empty-handed? Standing idly by at least preserved the small bit of hope that somewhere, somehow, a solution exists.

And the best part about it all is that that solution was NOT going to come running into my arms (/sarc). Hence this post.

I need help. I really, really don't know how to fix this. All I've been told is "it's easy just go searching for this and follow this and that and these channels and..." but that never once made it easier or more understandable for me.

What are the things I'm supposed to know? What things should I avoid? What things should I seek? Who's trustworthy? Where does my community stand in all of this?

Unfortunately, I'm aware most of these questions all depend on my own personal opinions, but I literally don't even know what the subject is for me to have an opinion on it and to then be able to judge and seek out information on said topic.

The war for example? I know it started and I know it ended and I know I lost my home and I know who was terrorizing my people but I've only heard whispers of their goals and reasons, I've only heard so much about who's involved behind the scenes and who's running this puppet show. There is so much that I don't know and the war was really only the tiniest bit of it.

I don't know what's important right now and what WAS important and all of those things and no social media does not help. These are things you mostly learn about through people and connections and such.

It's not like I haven't tried, though I'll be honest maybe my efforts were too low.

The point is, I'd appreciate any help that can be provided, any resources, your own POVS and personal knowledge and any information that can be shared really. I know how to sort out the good and bad for the most part of course, and the rest that I'm unsure of I know what to do with. I trust myself to make the right decision in choosing what to believe in, I just want to know what my options are and such.

I hope this wasn't too long, and I want to thank everyone who read this until the end. Honestly this could've probably been more detailed and precise but I was trying my best to keep it as brief as possible, considering the short attention span of people these days.

Few things I want to note: there are elements to this story that I believe could've been important/crucial and could have given it more depth to convey the idea more clearly that I won't be sharing however, for personal and privacy reasons.

What I will share though, is that while I am absolutely in no way diagnosed, I do have many, many symptoms of autism, ADHD, and quite a few memory issues, and these play a very important part in all of this. Yes, I've done several research over the span of 5 years or so and I'm not saying I HAVE those disorders, I'm just saying the symptoms are what describe me best.

I won't be sharing any of my other socials although I wish I could in case anyone wanted to reach out. I'm not sure if you can do that on this app? Probably, but anyway if anyone wants to I am perfectly fine with that.

I hope you all have a very lovely day/afternoon/night and I hope this reaches the right audience, if it reaches any audience at all.

Again, thank you very much for sticking with me until the very end and maybe I'll be on here more often! (I yap a lot.)

[doorlampwrites]

Carter rarely let people close. His past relationships had led to him closing himself off, something that he told himself happened to a lot of people. And on some level, he was right.

But, despite how much Marco claimed to relate to him, Carter refused to let himself be convinced Marco fully understood. Marco didn't know everything. If Carter had his way, Marco would never know everything.

It didn't quite make sense to invite Marco over for dinner, but here they were.

Carter nervously watched Marco take a bite of the braised chicken he had oh so carefully prepared. Marco met his eyes, and Carter looked away quickly.

"It tastes good," Marco said.

"Really?" Carter kept his eyes down. "I don't make it very often, so I wasn't sure. I usually don't have enough time."

"It tastes like you're an expert. I’m guessing you know your way around a kitchen?"

Carter finally looked up. Marco grinned at him.

"I knew you were shy, but I thought I might've cracked your shell a little bit," Marco said. "I mean, you were the one who invited me."

"Well—yes," Carter said. "I just haven't had someone over for dinner in a while. I haven't had a, uh, a one-on-one hangout in a while either. So I’m sorry if I’m a little nervous."

"A hangout?" Marco pouted. "And here I was thinking this was a date."

An electric shock ran up Carter's back. He didn't mind that—he certainly didn't mind—but he hadn't expected it, and he hadn't had any time to prepare. He needed to understand what he was getting into before it happened. If he didn't do everything right, then things might go wrong again.

"Relax," Marco said. "I’m okay with this being a little dinner party between two friends, if that’s what you want."

"Yes," Carter said.

"But I think the next part would go much smoother if this was a date," he continued.

Carter furrowed his brow. "Huh?"

"I mean, I don't expect people to notice where you are or aren't. People don't really notice you." Marco leaned back in his chair. "But we're going to be spending a lot of time together, and being in a romantic relationship would make it easier to explain that."

"What are you talking about?" If this wasn't Carter's apartment, he would be out the door already.

"I know what you are," Marco whispered.

Carter's heart dropped. No. That was impossible. No one knew about that.

"You're going to help me, or I'm going to make it a problem for you. Understood?" Marco looked different. Something in his expression, something in the way his eye gleamed. Predatory.

Carter nodded. What else was he supposed to do?

"Good." Marco smiled. "Now, back to our date, yeah? Really can't let this delicious meal go to waste."

[clare-with-no-i]

read chap 3-13 of theogeny this morning since i was free until 2pm (wanted to wait until it was complete before starting, and did 1-2 last night since i had some time). very nice story! the tone and style of your writing feels totally professional (and honestly surpasses many published authors i’ve read LOL). however, i was especially blown away by all of the historical details about ancient athens & greece. i’m as close to the opposite of an expert on the time period as possible, thus am not fully convinced this isn’t based on a true story where you got sent back in time, but then chose to come back to the present afterwards. were there any sources you leaned particularly heavily on? even my own experience writing a gen-ed history paper about the original Olympic games during my undergrad felt about as straightforward as navigating a swamp of hopelessly entangled, greek-speaking, arguing jellyfish, what with all the completely speculative secondary sources and glaring holes in the firsthand accounts of the events.

i’ve been away from the depths of the hp fandom scene for a year or two, but my recollection of your blog was that you’re a law student? given that law ≠ classical greek history (as far as i know), i’d say the fact that you specifically researched all of this for the story makes it even more captivating. (although the attention to detail does also align exactly with the depth of case-research i’d assume is possessed by the top-tier, most competent lawyers, though that is purely speculation). but if your real answer is the time travel thing, just blink twice and cite wikipedia or whatever ;)

also, i’m curious how realistic it is for a classics scholar to know enough ancient greek that she can carry even a stilted conversation with native speakers. if so, i find it mind-blowing that such depth of knowledge of a dead language is wrapped up into a subset of a history PhD—makes my own discipline seem like 3rd grade times tables.

LOL thank you so much! this is such a wonderful, detailed review! I can safely say that I have not traveled back to ancient Athens, but if there's any way I can visit for about a day and then return to the modern era please LMK…

so: I tended to use a lot of sources from Google Scholar, JStor, my own university's online library, what have you; there are a few times I went back and read through my old Classical Civilizations lecture notes, but I only ever took an intro class so I wasn't exactly delving into the minutiae. many of the sources are listed in the end notes, but I have an entire bookmarks folder (which I should probably delete) that looks like this lol

of course, I had to suspend my disbelief and expect/hope the reader would suspend their disbelief at the things that I just couldn't really know; but that was my moment for artistic liberty, which I used a lot of let me tell you.

and yes! I'm a second year law student. but I started this story when I was still applying to law schools :") I have worked as an archival and online research assistant/hired researcher/research fellow since I was 19 in my undergrad days, so I've become very familiar with the process of sifting through online archives. I also just really enjoy it! I love learning about areas of history I don't know a lot about, so this was just such a perfect passion project.

so — in terms of speaking Ancient Greek, I think it's absolutely possible that students at the PhD level would be able to communicate, given that many programs have really robust Greek language curricula. however, and this is something I touched on in the early chapters and something I researched to the best of my ability, the way that academic accents from non-Greek native speakers (aka, modern Greek people) sound is very different in pronunciation and would likely sound strange and unnatural to someone in Ancient Greece; such is the nature of language development. so, I think would have been pretty much like any non-fluent language speaker being thrown into an immersive program with no preparation.

I'm not here for any discipline ribbing, though! I'm sure whatever it is you study is just as challenging and engaging as Lily's field :)

[redwineconversation]

Kadidiatou Diani Signing to Olympique Lyonnais

First of all I cannot wait to see how many fake football blogs get Diani's full first name wrong. (You're not her pal!! Don't use the nickname!)

Anyway, let's just grab a cup of tea and have a good and proper chat about things. Semi-annoyed at having to do this, but apparently there are a lot of so-called football experts who suddenly have deep insights about a team I'm not fully convinced they even knew existed prior to 2021.

Right, first thing I want to nip in the bud is the belief that Diani signing somehow telegraphs a Hegerberg exit. Again, shouldn't have to explain this, but critical thinking seems to be a bit too much to ask for some football fans, so alas. Here we are. Diani is a right winger. This means she plays on the right. Hegerberg is a center forward. This means she plays in the middle of the attack. If you are on the right, you are not in the middle; if you are in the middle, you are not on the right. Two separate positions. Right is different from middle. Cannot believe I have to spell it out in such simple terms.

"Diani played as a center forward this season!" you argue, not without cause. Yep, she sure did! Now, since you didn't realize that football actually existed prior to 2021 or 2022, you probably haven't heard of this player called Marie-Antoinette Katoto. She played center forward for PSG, got injured right before the Euros, had to sit out the entire season. That is why she found herself as center forward. It's not her natural position.

So if anything, it puts Cascarino's future at Lyon at play, not Hegerberg's. And even if then I think it's too early to try reading tea leaves - there has been zero movement on the bigger 2024 contracts (Hegerberg, M'Bock, Cascarino, Endler) and I don't think that it means that much. I don't expect a ton of movement on those ones until both the World Cup is over and Kang has officially taken over.

But going back to Cascarino. The plus side is that it was a partial ACL tear, so I don't think she will be sidelined as long as if it were a full tear. But this is still her second ACL injury, we don't know what her form will look like once she is back, she's talented enough that it's not worth rushing her back from injury. It's nice to have reliable cover until that happens.

The down side is realistically those players are too good to have one of them sitting on the bench, so that's why I think it telegraphs more a Cascarino possible departure than it does a Hegerberg one. That being said, the last time Cascarino tore her ACL, everyone and their mother wrote Cascarino off, and it was Aulas who gave her a second chance. TBD if Kang shows the same faith, and whether it is enough for Cascarino.

With that in mind, let's discuss how to get away with murder how to survive a scandal the Hamraoui affair, because obviously everyone else is going to be talking about it.

Hamraoui was the victim and it's shocking, absolutely shocking, at how badly PSG mismanaged the situation. Their casual disregard towards her is unethical bordering on criminal. I can't blame her for wanting to burn the world down. Scorch the earth, everyone finds a blow torch therapeutic on some level.

Now, you can argue that Diani wasn't directly involved, and that may be true, but it's also a hell of an argument to make in good faith. Diani's husband was directly involved, to the point that he was even questioned by police. Diallo's closest friends were/are Katoto and Diani. To pretend neither of them had any knowledge nor any involvement in the scandal requires a hell of a leap of faith.

So why did Lyon, who for all its faults usually does manage to keep the locker room under control, end up signing arguably one of the most controversial players?

Part of it, if we're honest, is simply Lyon flexing. Every time Lyon loses, the popular narrative becomes we are witnessing the team's downfall and they will never recover. This is Lyon simply reminding other teams that they don't have a statute of limitation on resurrections.

It's also Kang displaying a message of intent to the Lyon players, and I think that's actually something people are failing to grasp. Kang is showing the money is there, that they can attract top players and pay them accordingly. This is, realistically, something that will come into play for the bigger 2024 contracts whom I named earlier. Kang has to win them over. In a weird way, this is a financial gesture of good faith. I put the money down, your turn to deliver.

But money doesn't necessarily translate to control over the locker room. I said privately that I would be shocked if there weren't very, very tight clauses in that contract to ensure that what happened at PSG won't happen at Lyon. While it is true that PSG isn't run the same way Lyon is - both Kang and Aulas actually care about women's football, for example - the reality is that Kang is not Aulas, and so the ability to make the locker room fall in line has yet to be tested.

So what will happen with Diani at Lyon? From a footballing perspective, Lyon strengthened their right side, crippled their biggest rival, and sent a warning shot to UWCL contenders that they aren't quite yet willing to concede their throne.

But from a personnel perspective, a lot remains to be seen. Diani probably won't be able to pull the same shit with Lyon as she did with PSG, simply because the two clubs are run differently, and even with the paycheck, she won't be catapulted to the top of the hierarchy.

The question is will she try to change that, and how will Lyon react if she does. We don't know. And I'm not exactly thrilled that we may have to find out.

[seewetter]

What did I do to verify this information?

Step 0: Notice suspicious aspects of what I'm reblogging

Calls to Action (can cause people to act without thinking first)

False sense of urgency: use of ALL CAPS as if people weren't going to read it otherwise indicates THEY ARE WRITING FOR AN AUDIENCE THAT THEY DON'T EXPECT WILL READ EVERYTHING including the fine print.

KOSA isn't exactly an anti-LGBTQIA+ censorship bill, at least not explicitly so. It's a bill to protect teens from harmful health advice and image problems, it's a bill meant to protect young people from various potentially harmful things online. It's anti-LGBTQIA+ in the sense that it is anti-POC or anti-sex work. In fact it's also authoritarian-ly anti-racist and anti-homophobic. The purpose of the bill isn't trying to achieve censorship, but (according to ars technica, whom the linked blog links to) the bill will have censorship as a side effect, something we know from witnessing SESTA / FOSTA do the same thing with similar methods years ago.

Step 1: Read beyond the Headline

I followed the link, read some of the blog post

I have never heard of buttondown.email, so was not 100% sure this is real

Step 2: Find a Credible Source

I found a link within the article to an Ars Technica article

Ars Technica is a publication I trust

I read enough of the ars technica article to be convinced that KOSA is a law that could force social media platforms to be liable for their "content", causing them to use simplistic algorithms that overly censor online expression

Step 3: Verify Online Source is Authentic

I used startpage (a search engine that Google's things for you so Google doesn't know who is googling & thus won't tailor content to me)

startpage presented me with the ars technica article on KOSA

As an IT student, I know that when links show up in purple in search engines that is a feature offered by my browser history, not by the search engine.

The ars technica article showed up purple, so Firefox confirmed I had opened that link

so I can be certain the link on buttondown.email is the genuine URL of the ars technica page

Step 4: What did I neglect to do?

I could check for more credible sources to ensure that reporting is independent and that there is expert consensus (not a rogue editorial board or something like that). Some articles on misinfo say to find at least 3 credible sources. I didn't do that here.

I could read both the buttondown and ars technica articles fully or follow more of the links in the buttondown article. I could check the website and find out who publishes the information & whether I can make out any conflicts of interest or similar things.

Step 5: Could this information be misleading and if so, can I guess how?

If I didn't understand bulletdown & ars technica after reading about 5 paragraphs of each, then yes, I could be misunderstanding the thing they are saying

If bulletdown or ars technica are lying about the bill, then the easiest way to tell would be to (A) read the bill and (B) check with defenders of the bill. A basic question to try and find out from defenders of the bill would be: are they actually able to explain how this bill will not cause the censorship we have seen from SESTA & FOSTA and other bills with similar intent? Another basic question to find out is: are the defenders of KOSA aware of the basic criticisms levied against them & can they answer those criticisms in a credible way

Ideally, by reading the entire bulletdown, ars technica and maybe a few other sources, one could learn enough of the critique of KOSA to have a good sense whether the defenders and proponents of the bill (A) are making this law in good faith (B) have listened to criticisms (C) have addressed what might go wrong if they introduce this bill.

Step 6: Why share half-researched blog posts like this?

Because the idea (perhaps mistaken perception / fantasy) of an internet censorship bill scares me.

Step 7: Will I share more on this story or do more research?

I will probably reblog this and then not think about it any further unless it circulates around and generates more conversation.

As a person with limited financial means and little interest in policy discussions, I want people who read my blog to like...know about serious developments like this, but I'm convinced the main point of reblogging it is to increase the statistical chance that it reaches people who are keenly interested and more dedicated than I am to doing something.

That's unfortunate of course (I always worry about how wars and other nightmarish things exit the media cycle even while still ongoing!) but I don't run this blog to be a downer blog and I also don't run it to be discussing topics that only interest me in that I'd like to see people (including myself, when that is feasible) work together to solve them.

Hopefully (if anyone even reads this) people can relate and won't think the worst of me. Not like I'm the best person anyway. Uh, thanks for reading.

11/30/23: KOSA is an anti-LGBTQIA+ censorship bill. It is essential you call THIS week. Tell them you are specifically against KOSA and especially against hotlining the bill.

Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the Senator of your choice.

Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resist.bot/

[eraserisms]

Name: Blair-Takenaka Hotaru Age: who are you, the cops ( 37 ) Do you like to cuddle?: Yes, for unrealistic amounts of time, preferably with snack breaks. Can we make-out?: Do you even have to ask? ( Yes. ) A night in or dinner out?: Night in, but a dinner out in the park or a small cafe is also acceptable. Nothing fancy or crowded, PLEASE. Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?: I'd prefer cake, but I'll take strawberries. What makes you a good Valentine?: I'm funny, I'm smart, I have a ton of great ideas, I have witty banter, and I have the advantage of being an expert on Valentine's Day since it's also my birthday. I've also proved ( repeatedly ) I am a fantastic cook and strong enough to carry you. As an added bonus, I'm also an environmentally friendly date option because you don't have to leave the UA campus to find me! :) Would you cook for me?: Of course! Would you let me cook for you?: You can certainly try! <3

Valentine's Day Application

"Hotaru, we're heroes, that means that we're kind of cops, so consider this an interrogation. But I'm glad to know that we're on the same page as far as snacks, dates and knowing fully well that me cooking for you would be a dire mistake. But you know you didn't really need to fill this out, right? There was no need to convince me because, well, I've already been convinced."

[snapheart1536]

Bad Arguments

Elizabeth I

She Never Said Nuffin!

Every excuse defends Seymour:

Me: Oh no! He's breaking into her room again!

Them: Listen up, stupid: Girls Could Marry At Twelve.

See? Stepdaughters are fair game now I've said that.

DON'T JUDGE HIM.

But damns Elizabeth:

Me: Poor baby. I do feel sorry for her.

Them: Um? She Was An Adult.

AH-DULT.

You know, gagging for it.

If she didn't totally want rape she would've done the honourable thing and died at birth.

Bitch.

Amazing how their oh-so precious Context always absolves him of guilt, yet brands her a whore in the exact same Perfectly Normal situation.

Funny that.

Now you forgot all about Elizabeth begging Seymour not to touch her and take this seriously like a true pearl-clutching Intelleckchul, for this line pops out when the other two don't work.

WELL! Well! I mean...well!

Well...she...she...She Nevah Sed Nuffin about it, did she?

Ah! Ah! Well that just shows, doesn't it!

Why are they so adamant Elizabeth enjoyed sexual abuse?

No matter the evidence we give, it's NEVER enough, yet we're pressured to accept the most warped readings of history as true.

All so they can vilify a thirteen-year-old girl.

Class.

Apparently Elizabeth not rushing down the pub and giving it good gossip about her uncle-step-dad feeling her up is proof positive she loved every minute; saying nowt precisely so the happy days just kept on rollin'.

Otherwise all those innumerable, ultra-powerful killjoy relatives o' hers might swoop in and put a stop to it, the bastards.

Strange. I thought staying silent was the textbook reaction to child abuse.

Nah. Turns out behaving like your typical victim proves it was never abuse at all.

Mmm-hmm.

I'm wondering now what evidence is acceptable, if even the tell-tale signs of distress aren't enough.

Why, nothing! Nothing at all!

Yeah. A girl whose mother and stepmother were murdered on false charges of sexual shenanigans naturally should've gone round bragging how she was on the receiving end of 'em for real.

As that'll turn out well.

Weird, innit? She grows up knowing society kills women for adultery, and then gets desperate to preserve her own reputation.

Come on, love. Lighten up.

What's the worse that could happen?

Nope. No downsides here.

Yet who was she supposed to tell?

DUH! Her parents, dummy!

But they're dead.

...

Well OBVIOUSLY her guardians.

But they're the ones molesting her.

...

AH! AH! How about her brother, eh? Eh?!

You want a thirteen-year-old girl to explain to a nine-year-old boy how his uncle and stepmother are interfering with her body?

AND for this to go through his other uncle, and thereby spread about the court?

...

OH! Whaddabowt Mary?! Ah, you forget that!

So she'd side with Anne Boleyn's daughter in a 'sex scandal', would she, withstanding all the resulting controversy whilst fully convinced of her innocence?

As if!

You're telling me Elizabeth had NO ONE to turn to, but should be ripped apart anyway?

For they can't sympathize on instinct; she's gotta earn it like a dog, jumping through an endless line of ever-shrinking hoops, which she doesn't even know are there.

It's up to her to fulfill their impossible demands to 'deserve' pity.

And THIS is moral righteousness?

But the worst part?

Abused children live in shame and terror, convinced they brought it on themselves and won't be believed.

Then here come the 'experts' blaming adult perversions on Elizabeth for turning twelve, interpreting everything she did in the worst light to justify their own raving hatred.

In doing so they confirm the fears every victim feels, perpetuating pædophilia by keeping the suffering silent.

[jdgo51]

Thank God That I Am Not God

Today's inspiration comes from:

Depression, Anxiety, and Other Things We Don't Want to Talk About

by Ryan Casey Waller

"'Do you remember the scene in the movie Rudy when he’s trying to get accepted into Notre Dame but it's not looking good so he goes to a priest for some advice? The priest says that in thirty-five years of religious studies he’s only come up with two hard, incontrovertible facts: “There is a God. And I'm not Him.”

When I first saw the movie I thought that was the most pathetic answer ever. You're a priest and that's all you got? Come on, man.  Over the years, however, the priest’s answer has grown on me, because as I’ve grown in both years and spirit, I've discovered that one of the more challenging and comforting aspects of faith is the realization that I am not God.

Confessing I’m not God is challenging  because while I say I believe in God I mostly live as though I were God. I am the expert, I know what to do, I am the one upon whose shoulders rests success or failure. I choose what it is right and what is wrong based upon my education, my experience, and my gut.

My words say there is a God. My actions say that God is me.

Setting aside my ego to actually trust in God’s sovereignty is a daily struggle.

On the other hand, confessing I’m not God is wildly comforting each time my depression and anxiety rears its ugly head to torment my body and soul.

You see, I count myself among the 1 in 4 Americans who struggle with their mental health each and every year. There are days when I wake in the morning only to be met by an immediate and unprovoked ocean of anxiety flooding my brain.

Other days I wake and discover I have neither the desire or strength to get myself out of bed.  I did not choose to suffer these maladies nor did I do anything to bring them upon me. Rather, they are simply aspects to the reality that is my life.

We have a God who chooses to rescue us in our bodies with His own body.

Why do these harsh realities help me find comfort in the declaration that I am not God? Because in this admittance comes the realization that

I need not — nor can I — save myself.  So I thank God that I am not God.

But what, exactly, does that mean?

Can I pray the depression away? Can I attend enough church services to convince God to heal me? Can I increase my faith to the point where I’m so filled with the Holy Spirit that I transcend my suffering?

No.

No.

And… no.

That’s not to say I don’t bring my depression to God in prayer or beg God for healing in my moments of pain. I do! What I don’t do is ignore the resources that God — the Ultimate Healer — has provided for healing.

For me, and many others who battle their mental health, that means availing myself to therapy, medication, and a strong support network of a trusted community.  For too long Christians have hyper-spiritualized mental illness by marginalizing these healing tools. As a result, countless children of God have suffered in ways that could have otherwise been otherwise.

We would never ask a believer to forgo chemotherapy for cancer or a diabetic to skip out on their daily injections of insulin. Likewise, we must avoid the temptation to characterize issues of mental health as wholly spiritual issues. Instead, we need to acknowledge depression, anxiety, and other forms of psychological distress are every bit as bodily as any other form of disease.

Fortunately, we have a God who chooses to rescue us in our bodies with His own body. When God decided it was time for humanity to more fully understand His very nature, He chose to come in a body. It was in this body that He taught us, loved us, died for us, and rose again in power to redeem us. Of all people, Christians should be the first to embrace the idea that our deepest suffering need not wait to be relieved in the life to come but in the life that is here and now with the tools given to us by the here and now.

Gone are the days when mental illness was seen as a mysterious force that could only be treated by mysterious means. These days we know a great deal about how to help people think, feel, and act better.

We go to therapy. If appropriate, we take medication prescribed by trained physicians. We allow people we love to hear us, us love us, and normalize our pain.  If the body of Christ is to be truly serious about treating all the bodies that belong to Christ then we must not be afraid of the means by which these bodies find their healing.

Encouraging Christians to seek out the resources offered by the mental health community is not of minor importance but in many cases, quite literally, a matter of life and death. All of which brings me back to the wise old priest Rudy went to see.

I am not God, for which I say, “Thanks be to the God all healing!”'

Written for Devotionals by Ryan Casey Waller, author of Depression, Anxiety, and Other Things We Don’t Want to Talk About.

[eimearkuopio]

I wish I could believe that but given that they apparently knew about child abuse in 1948 and in 1952 the founder of that institution wrote "I myself would be inclined to favor laicization for any priest, upon objective evidence, for tampering with the virtue of the young", and yet it wasn't until 1996 that CSA went from being an open secret to open knowledge in Ireland, and as recently as this summer there was still a need for investigative journalism to expose the sins of the Catholic Church... Not to mention that in just one of our mother and baby homes, almost 800 children died in what I would view as actual post-birth abortion from neglect and abuse between 1925 and 1961, and we only heard about it in the past decade... And then there's what the Canadian First Nations went through. I know that article talks about an apology, but how can we take them seriously when they insist that we must confess our sins in full and atone for them to be absolved, but an apology suffices for them? If they have records, the records should be released to survivors or next-of-kin. If they don't have records, they need to fully clarify why.

I know that the Church is doing a lot to atone for its actions; and I know that most of the people doing the atoning weren't the ones actively involved in the sinning. They were probably the ones desperately trying to keep the Church on what they viewed as the right path. And I do appreciate that, tremendously; but there are some fundamental errors in how they are trying to resolve matters.

I see priests working themselves to the bone trying to save as many as they can. But there aren't enough boots on the ground, because decades ago, a choice was made to prioritise the reputation of the Church instead of the safety of its individual members, with the eventual result that both were sacrificed. There are people who want to serve the Church, and who are being rejected for being honest about things that I genuinely don't believe Jesus would have issue with - while individuals who can put on a false front are given the keys to the Kingdom by well-intentioned but naive or ignorant authority figures.

I think it's a very good thing I wasn't allowed to become a priest when I was younger; not because I'm a woman, but because I'm bloody terrifying and I'm apparently the kind of person who's willing to talk like this under the right circumstances. Can you imagine if I had the cachet that comes with ordination? I dread to think. But most of the people who think like Jesus did aren't going to be willing to sign up for a lifetime of the current status quo. It would be such a waste to let the Church fall apart. If nothing else, the infrastructure is terrific; and without their central governance applied globally, we would inevitably end up with fractured local churches the world over, each claiming to be the true heir of Papal Infallibility.

I don't want to overthrow anyone. But I am so tired of being hurt and disappointed, and I can't be the only one. I have seen movement in the right direction on a lot of fronts, but part of the issue is that many of us have reached a point where we need full disclosure for the Church to regain our trust - and if that's not possible, it doesn't bode well for the Church, but that's not my doing.

I tried reaching out privately. I tried being discreet. I am honestly kind of assuming there aren't that many people reading my Tumblr; it's my version of standing on a street corner with a sign, something I'm doing to process what I'm going through, whether it's real or not. I'm not an expert on any of this, because I couldn't bear to become one. And then I had to try, but I was so far gone that I nearly couldn't. I don't know if I have to do this; but it feels like I have to. It should be easy to convince me. I don't understand why no one seems willing to try.

Part of what makes Christianity at large not a cult is there is no Secret Knowledge. It's all there. You can't level up.

My sister, discussing gnostic heresies