#i don't have the time to be watching jessie

[noelledeltarune]

wait i completely forgot about hlvrai 2. it's breaking bad? why

[kianamaiart]

🌟KIANAMAIART FAQ🌟

FAQ wahoooo!!

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Who are you?

I'm Kiana, I'm a queer, Japanese Jamaican woman, and a Director/Storyboard artist who works in animation. I'm currently at Disney Television Animation.

What are your pronouns?

I usually go by she/her but I don't really mind any pronouns~

Where did you go to school?

California College of the Arts (but I dropped out when I was hired at Disney)

How did you get hired at Disney?

My bosses found me on twitter. They liked my drawing style and asked if I wanted to take a storyboard test. I did, I passed, I got interviewed and moved to LA two weeks later to start storyboarding.

Your work seems familiar. What do I know you from?

I've been on the internet for a long time! It could be a number of things. As maimai97 on dA I had a comic about next gen Pokemon characters called Pokemon 25 Years Later. As kilala97 I had some popular next gen ponies and also had a Steven Universe gemsona named Larimar. I'm also @yamujiburo, known most for drawing Jessie x Delia (hanamusa) a lot. I also work professionally! I've worked as a storyboard artist and director on Disney Channel's Big City Greens, I was a storyboard artist on one of the Steven Universe anti-racism shorts and I was a storyboard artist on Pokemon: Path to the Peak. Most recently I've been on season 6 of Dropout's Game Changer!

What program and brush do you use to draw?

Default brush in Storyboard pro. Photoshop sometimes just for compositing or specific effects.

PPPIDWTBAMG QUESTIONS

What is this project?

This is a project that started off as a silly idea that has since grown into me creating a 10 minute pilot animatic.

What does "pilot animatic" entail?

It means that it's effectively a pilot/episode 1 of a (potential) larger series. It's fully voice acted but is not fully animated. It's an animatic, meaning it will be comprised of storyboards in video form.

When and where can I watch the pilot!?

Now and right here!

What would this series be rated?

Ideally like PG13/TV14! Or whatever they call it. Definitely more geared to a YA audience. Not completely kiddy but also not what most people would consider adult animation to be

What are you planning to do with the project now that the pilot has released?

Don't know yet! There has been a lot of studio interest and even offers, so I'm in the process of talking with them and seeing if I can find this show a home or if I want to try doing it on my own or if I want to even continue with it at all. I know you guys are curious, but even if I wanted to tell you I couldn't. Just trust that I will make announcements as they come~

You said Aika had teammates, will we see them?

Because of the studio interest and potential for more of this show, there's some stuff I'm still holding close to my chest. This is one of them.

Do the characters have parents??

Zira does! As for Aika and Eclipse, this is something I'm still developing and don't really know myself haha

What are the characters' sexualities?

Don't know right now. Headcanon away!

Is "Star Guardian: Guardian of the Stars" a reference to that vine?

Nope! It's more so a parody for just really long and redundant titles which I love. Similar to the title of this project, which is called "Pretty Pretty Please I Don't Want to be a Magical Girl"

[bemusedlybespectacled]

what's happening with James Somerton right now: a probably-incomplete primer

TW: suicide, including suicide as a threat and a manipulation tactic.

The short version:

James Somerton is a former Youtube essayist who focused entirely on queer history, queer media criticism, and queer issues in general. He is also a flagrant grifter who has made tens of thousands of dollars via fraud, both directly (lying about his finances to beg for money and getting donations for films he never even started making) and indirectly (stealing whole essays and articles and books, reading them out loud verbatim for his videos without indicating they were anything other than his own work, and then using the prestige he gained from using their work to get Patrons and sponsorships).

The story as told James and James apologists was that James attempted to apologize twice, was hounded mercilessly on the internet for weeks, and then, driven to the end of his rope, he posted a suicide note on Twitter, was MIA for several days, and from then on has been avoiding the internet.

The actual story, as revealed yesterday, was that James used two sockpuppet accounts to defend himself and parrot his talking points (again, while publicly claiming to be trying to take responsibility for his actions), using one to try to rebrand the con under a different name and another to deliberately stoke the panic caused by his suicide note. He was not only aware of the pain and anxiety he was causing people, but he encouraged it on one alt while hornyposting about his favorite movies on the other.

He is an unrepentant con artist who successfully used a suicide threat to prevent further interference with future cons. The only reason he was caught is because he is apparently incapable of going more than a couple of weeks without trying to get back in the internet spotlight, allowing people to tie his alts back to him. He lies for fun and profit and he should not be taken seriously, ever.

The long version:

In December 2023, Youtube essayist Hbomberguy (Harry Brewis) put out a four-hour-long video about plagiarism on the internet, and devoted two hours to addressing as much of JS's plagiarism as he could. I strongly recommend watching the entire thing, as the first two hours build on the concepts that he uses later in the video.

He also blew the whistle on James' fraud surrounding Telos, a studio James founded using thousands of dollars of IndieGoGo money that never actually produced any films despite him definitely working on them! Any day now they'll be released! Don't you worry!

A day later, Todd in the Shadows, a guy whose entire thing is music reviews, posted his own video debunking multiple outright lies that James had told about history, especially queer history. A few more days later, The Ace Couple, who run a podcast about asexuality, released an episode detailing how they'd lost $1.5k donating to Telos.

I have put the videos, Twitter threads, Patreon posts, and Reddit posts by other people discussing different aspects of James' fraud under the cut.

Every other time James was caught plagiarizing, prior to Harry's video, he would lie about it. Either he'd have some excuse (easily proven to be a lie) or he'd retreat to his favorite deflection: "I'm just being harassed because I'm gay."

This last lie was one he'd use not only to deflect accusations of plagiarism, but all criticism in general, no matter how trivial. Every time, the critic or someone associated with them would somehow dox him, or harass him, or send him death threats, or threaten to falsely accuse him of sexual assault.

This happened to The Ace Couple (who'd tried to correct him on something extremely acephobic in one of his videos), Jessie Gender (who'd tried to correct him when he claimed that there were no queer content creators on Nebula, given that she and a bunch of other queer creators were definitely on that platform), and the person who first blew the whistle on him stealing from Tinker Belles and Evil Queens by Sean Griffin (who was accused of being behind death threats he'd received, and hounded so harshly they had to leave Twitter).

It is important to note that every time James faced potentially damaging criticism, or even just a threat to his ego, suddenly he would claim to be harassed by people connected to the critic, including threats to his life. There has never been any proof of any threats being directed at him, nor evidence that, if the threats were real, that they are actually from people connected to the critic.

In the original video by Hbomberguy, Harry makes a compelling argument that James brought on a friend of his, Nick, as a co-writer specifically as a shield against accusations of plagiarism. "How dare you accuse me of plagiarism! Nick would NEVER do that!" This is even more apparent given subsequent developments which I will get into.

When evidence started dropping about different aspects of his fraud (not only Harry's video, but Todd in the Shadows' video debunking his misinfo, The Ace Couple's podcast about their experience donating to his fraudulent film studio, and Dan Olson's tweet thread about James' obvious lies about his finances), he went into hiding for two weeks, and then put out the first of two apologies. He then deleted that one and put out another one a few weeks later. And then he immediately deleted that one.

While his first apology was rambling, vague, and dramatic (lots of sniffing/crying), and his second was more measured, thought-out, and totally batshit (lots of hilariously and bizarrely implausible excuses for why he'd done what he'd done), they had roughly the same points:

Not ALL of his stuff was plagiarized! Actually, a lot of it wasn't! No specifics as to what, though!

Most of the stuff that was plagiarized was just a failure to properly cite sources, as he had no idea that putting someone's name in your end credits or video description (without specifying what parts are attributable to that person or disclosing that you are using their words verbatim) is not sufficient credit,

Also, he totally had permission, in some cases, to use their work verbatim prior to publishing the video (this is not true, and is disproven both in Harry's video and his own screenshots);

He definitely didn't commit fraud with Telos and would soon have a good explanation for where the money went! (he did not)

He was going to keep the videos up so that he could either donate the funds from any monetization to the fund Harry had set up for his victims or to "help Nick's portfolio" by showcasing his work;

He lost his best friend (i.e. Nick) over these allegations, who absolutely definitely wasn't a scapegoat, except Nick was also responsible for a lot of the stuff James was being criticized for;

He was going to keep the videos up so he could either donate the advertising proceeds to Harry's fund for his victims (first apology) or to "help Nick's portfolio" by showcasing the work he'd done; and

As a result of this entire ordeal, he had attempted either self-harm or suicide (he merely alluded to "doing something stupid").

Again, his response was to 1) downplay the severity of his actions or flat out ignore allegations against him, 2) come up with ridiculous excuses for his behavior, 3) throw Nick under the bus, and 4) claim to be in mortal danger. As far as I am aware, he has never taken any concrete action to make amends to any person, not even donating money to charity.

This was coupled with some kind of attempt to profit: monetizing his apology videos, closing and then reopening his Patreon right before the monthly charge cycle happened (totally to let people unfollow him, not at all as a grab for that money), creating a new Patreon under a different name, and changing his Twitter and Youtube handles to distance himself from the controversy while gathering new followers.

At one point (I forget if this was on Twitter or Instagram), he also said that someone had broken into his apartment due to the notoriety he'd received from Harry's video. I believe that was after his first apology, when people started to point out that he'd just changed the name of his Twitter and Youtube channel and had restarted a new Patreon under a pseudonym. (BTW, the pseudonym he used for his new Patreon was "The Gay Raconteur"; this will be important later).

It had what I think was the desired effect: any attempt at pointing out that he was rebranding his grift now came across as weirdly fixated on minor things he was doing, which certainly wasn't worth putting him in physical danger. (Again, he has never provided any proof of this happening, nor provided any evidence that these people allegedly threatening him were, in fact, in some way inspired by Hbomb).

So along comes March 5, 2024, and James posts a suicide note on his Twitter, saying that he is going to set up his videos to automatically publish (for Nick's portfolio), provide in some way for the ad revenue to go to a suicide prevention nonprofit, and then kill himself.

The immediate response from the internet was compassion and totally chilling any further criticism, since you might be callously criticizing a dead person. Harry and Kat worked for a couple of days to get a wellness check for him while a substantial section of the internet called them murderers.

On March 6, a day after the note was published, Nick tweeted that that he had cause to believe James was fine. Kat confirmed that James was safe on March 11. Due to the drama of the "suicide attempt," however, the chill on criticizing James stayed in place for months.

And then yesterday Lady Emily, one of the cowriters for Sarah Z., drops two more bombs:

James has not one but two alt accounts that he was using to rebrand and start over.

The first one was created between his first and second apologies, and originally was for "The Gay Raconteur" until he changed it to "Will"/"thatgayyouknow" and, later, "The Achillean Boy."

The second one was much older, under the pseudonym "Mikey JB," and used stolen pictures from Grindr instead of his own face. However, it is pretty obvious that it is, in fact, a sockpuppet account and not just some other person who happens to like James, as detailed below.

Both accounts, both between apologies and after his "suicide," talked about how criticism of James was unfair because the plagiarized stuff was "like a decade old" and repeating the same excuses that James had also made.

The "Mikey JB" account not only supported James, but actively threw Nick under the bus, saying that a criticized part of a video "reeks of his co-writer."

On March 6, the day after James' main Twitter posted the suicide note, The Achillean Boy account was hornyposting about Ryan Phillipe. James didn't even take a day or two off of Twitter. If he had been completely off Twitter for a couple of days, that could have been an indication that he really had hurt himself and was unable to access his phone, or at the very least unaware of the panic. But he wasn't. He was aware of it and did nothing. Actually, no! Worse than nothing!

On the same day (March 6), the Mikey JB account was actively contradicting Nick saying he was okay (they "haven't spoken in months" so there's no way Nick could know if he was alive) and saying that "people like you" i.e. his critics, "drove him to it." Not only did he ignore the panic he'd intentionally created, he actively drove it.

He saw people going emotionally through the wringer over the idea that they might have somehow caused his death, and intentionally made them keep thinking it. He say people calling his critics "murderers" for "driving him to his death," and he joined in.

Why am I explaining all of this? I want to make a couple of things extremely clear, and the context is necessary to my ultimate points, namely:

James Somerton didn't merely "credit people improperly;" he conned his followers out of more money than some people make in a year with the Telos con, while raking in thousands more per month on Patreon and buying expensive equipment, while claiming to be near insolvency and in desperate need of money.

James Somerton has never taken full responsibility for his actions or attempted to make amends. He has only ever tried to dodge responsibility, particularly by throwing Nick under the bus.

Every time he has ever been criticized, for any reason, he has lied about threats to his life to gain sympathy and quell criticism. This is a standard part of his MO. He has done this over and over and over again. At this point, I think if he says the sky is blue, someone should go out and check first before doing anything.

"But BB, what if he really is getting harassed/threatened or really is suicidal?"

So, okay: people who are attempting to manipulate you may use legitimate problems as a tool. It doesn't need to be fake to be effective - in fact, it might be more effective if it it's true. An abusive ex who says "if you leave me, I'll kill myself" and genuinely means it and actually attempts it (and possibly even succeeds!) is a lot harder to leave than someone who says the same thing but is clearly just bluffing, because the threat is real.

My rule of thumb in these cases is to treat the threat like it's real, without caving to the intended manipulation. Whether your ex is lying or telling the truth when they say, "I'll kill myself if you leave me," the appropriate response in both cases is to immediately call a mental health service or supportive family member. If it's fake, it's inconvenient for them; if it's real, you reacted appropriately. Your response needs to be the same regardless.

You don't get back together with them because it's a real threat (presumably you wouldn't do that if you knew it was fake and they were never in any danger), and you don't tell them that they're a piece of shit who should be dead (HOPEFULLY you wouldn't do that if you knew for a fact that they were telling the truth).

In this case, I am extremely confident in saying that he was coldbloodedly lying the entire time and was never once threatened, and certainly not to the degree he claimed to be. But even if he wasn't, that does not and should not change anyone's behavior in terms of holding him accountable.

And I mean actually holding him accountable: making sure he doesn't try to start a new con on new people, continuing to point out that he hasn't paid anyone back for his previous con (so long as it's still true), that sort of thing. It doesn't mean people should tell him he should go die for real or, I don't know, try to get him fired if he gets a job at Tim Horton's or Target or something else that's not fraud. That would be wrong regardless of whether he's actually in danger or not. The point is to avoid being cruel without negotiating with terrorists.

Video sources and links under the cut:

Links:

It's like Breaking Bad, but backwards: a brief history of how Somerton successfully screwed himself Dan Olson's Twitter thread about the financial fraud My Year With James: Todd's post explaining the backstory of his video (Patreon-locked) DJSO#: Dan Olson's breakdown of James' second apology (Patreon-locked) Lady Emily's Twitter threads revealing James' alt accounts, part 1 and part 2

[hgfictionwriter]

Revelations: Part Nine

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: You and Jessie talk in the morning. As complicated as things are, months of loss and unspoken feelings come to the surface.

Warnings: G!P smut. A lot of it. Marathon sex. Penetrative sex, fingering, hand job, clit play, oral (r giving and receiving), slight edging, mindbreak, mutual masturbation, cockwarming, shower sex, language.

A/N: Jessie and Reader have a lot of feelings to get out. For everyone asking for G!P smut in this series; here it is - and more!

You shifted slightly as a muffled sound filtered into your consciousness. You blinked slowly, wincing slightly at the sun filtering in between the slats of the blinds and your mind registered the sound of the shower running.

Your vision cleared immediately and you sat up as memories of last night rushed back. Throwing the blanket off you got out of bed and opened your door to peek out.

Your eyes fell to the vacant couch. With Jessie not being there, you stepped out further. She'd neatly folded the blanket you'd given her and set the pillow on top.

Your gaze shifted to the bathroom door, hearing Jessie move around in the shower.

You told her you'd talk this morning. And say what exactly? You did not expect last night's events to take place. When you picture what might be a standard, drunken ex showing up in an emotional state, Jessie was not what you pictured. However, that's just what happened.

And you didn't know how to feel about it. All you knew was you had to admit that you were glad she was still here this morning.

The shower stopped. The sudden quiet drew you from your thoughts and you felt your heartbeat pick up subtly. You turned on your heel and retreated to your bedroom to get changed for the day.

By the time you heard the door to the bathroom open you were in the kitchen starting to make a light breakfast.

You waited until you heard her approach before you turned to face her.

You couldn't help how your eyes did a quick scan up and down her body. She was back in her training gear and held your change of clothes in a carefully folded pile. Her hair was down and wet, but her curls were still fully present. She looked less worn than yesterday.

She wore a tight smile and her gaze flit away shortly after meeting yours.

"Morning," you said as you leaned back against the counter.

"Morning," Jessie returned, ducking her head slightly though she tried to offer you a renewed smile. Her cheeks were flushing pink already.

"Can I get you something to drink? Anything to eat?" You asked, hoping to set her slightly more at ease.

"Oh, uh, no - I don't want to be more of a bother," she said through a bashful smile. You gave her a look.

"You're fine, Jess," you told her gently before growing a bit more firm. "You should eat and drink something. How do you feel anyway?"

"Oh, I feel fine," she assured you with a series of nods. She tapered off, idly scratching the back of her head as her gaze drifted away nervously. "I drank lots of water. The shower helped."

"Well, that's good," you said as you took a bite of your toast. The toaster went off, another two pieces popping up. You nodded to them. "Those are yours."

Her curious eyes shifted over to said pieces and she looked back at you as if to verify. You nodded again and she proceeded with a small smile.

"Thanks."

You sat on the couch in front of the coffee table, eating quietly and sipping your water. You watched her as she tentatively found her way around your kitchen - still seeming to vaguely recall how you'd set it up when she moved you in. She eventually turned around and stood with her plate and glass of water.

You looked to the spot next to you. "You can sit down." She accepted with a nod.

"I'm so, so sorry about last night," she launched in, suddenly imploring and not even feigning touching her food or drink. "I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I did that to you."

You set down your glass and studied her briefly.

"What are you sorry about?" You clarified. She seemed taken aback.

"Well, um, showing up unannounced. And, you know, drunk. Though not that drunk," she quickly added pointedly. "But, yeah. You asked for space and boundaries and...well. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shown up like that and uninvited."

You exhaled quietly while you sat back. "Are you sorry about any of the things you said?" She stammered and you added with a wry laugh. "If you remember them, that is."

"Of course I remember," she said, not fully masking how affronted that made her. She crossed her arms, meeting your challenge.

"I'm not sorry. I guess I should be. That'd be the easy thing to say. 'I was drunk - I don't remember. Forget it.' But that's not the case," she said steadily, her posture relaxing slightly. "Some people get drunk and their innate needs or wants come to the surface." She took a breath and met your gaze. "I kept thinking about you. Missing you - which is nothing new. And I guess I just thought...fuck it. One more shot."

A beat passed. You prompted her.

"And?"

She frowned at you slightly, now reaching out to swirl the water in her glass distractedly. She forced herself to look back up at you though.

"And...even if I made a total fucking fool of myself, I'm still grateful I got to see you." She released a quiet breath and turned towards you further. "I'm still in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long. Last night was no different. This morning is no different. The context between us - or, our relationship. Or lack thereof," she added flatly, "has changed, but my feelings for you haven't."

She sighed softly, shoulders rounding out slightly. "I guess I should be over you. Like you're over me. But," she averted her gaze and paused to swallow, "I'm not."

"I went about things all wrong before," she confessed as she shifted on the couch and she sought your eyes. "I kept you so far removed at the beginning. I lied. I kept things from you. And it made it that much harder for you. I did it for my own misguided benefit. Thinking I could control things, but I was wrong. And truthfully, there was so much shit to sort out - to navigate - it would've been horrible for you in any scenario, but it must've been so much harder feeling like Sara was taking your place. She never, ever was. She never could. It's always been you and it still is.

"I was so afraid to push you. To rock the boat or make things harder, that I think I ultimately ended up pushing you away instead. Isolating you. Making you feel alone. When that's the last thing I wanted.

"I go over and over everything in my head. For months now. Thinking about how I could've taken better care of you. Prioritized you more - in ways that mattered to you, translated for you. I'm so sorry. I'm not real big on regrets. But not taking better care of you and not loving you better during that time, that's something I'll always regret. I know why you had to leave. I don't blame you. And even if I can't seem to move on - I think about my future and I still see you - I genuinely wish you the best. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I said you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I meant it." She swallowed, eyes glistening. "Even if it's not with me."

You listened quietly, observing her mannerisms. Jessie was always such an interesting mix of vulnerable and reserved. She didn't necessarily mask her upset well all the time - she was sensitive and those around her knew it. But that didn’t mean she freely expressed it either. She was prone to getting quiet. Withdrawing. Frankly, she was a stonewaller. Ask anyone who’d known her long enough.

Yet, for some reason, she'd always bared her heart and soul to you. Even now. Even though she seemed convinced that you no longer reciprocated her feelings. You could see the certainty and acceptance in her eyes that she was going to get hurt. Despite it all, she opened herself up anyway.

You’d spent months trying every which way to push her from your mind. To lay your relationship to rest and move on. There were other connections you were building and exploring - people who would be considered catches in any other reality, yet sitting here next to Jessie you couldn’t deny your feelings for her.

You missed her too. You still loved her too.

And in this moment, you were tired of pretending you didn’t.

So you caved. You reached up and rest your hand on her cheek. Her eyes closed right away and she melted into your touch. When she opened her eyes you held her gaze, looking at one another for several seconds.

You searched her eyes, her face - every feature, every freckle, every line. For the first time in so long, truly looking at her. No pretending to look away, no stolen glances, just looking at this woman who held such a special place in your heart and soul. This woman who could anchor and ground you with her presence alone.

Time hadn’t diminished the warmth and connection you felt.

She watched you, unmoving and patient as you decided what to do. Whether you were going to let her in or not.

You looked into her eyes and it felt like home.

You leaned in and met her in a slow, lingering kiss. You both inhaled deeply as your lips made contact. You both sat motionless in the moment, relishing the contact until you both had to pull back, breathless from just one kiss.

A shiver ran through you and goosebumps peppered your skin. So unlike any of the other kisses you’d had in recent months. You felt lighter already.

Her stare was intense, but you felt safe in it. Her quiet intensity always pulled you in and made the hairs on your skin stand up with how overwhelming it could be, but in the best way possible. You loved it. And you missed it.

You leaned in for another kiss - this one harder, deeper. Her hand came to your waist. Her touch - even something as simple as this - the weight of her touch, the feel of her fingers, felt electric and left you wanting more.

You pulled yourself closer to her, releasing a small moan as her grip on you tightened. That moan shifted everything. It released the flood gates and all of the hesitation and uncertainty from before was swept away.

She pulled you onto her lap, eliciting another moan from you. Your arms wrapped around the back of her neck, your hands ran through her hair, down her neck, across her chest. You needed to feel her and with the way her hands caressed your hips, your thighs, your neck, she felt the same.

When her fingers snuck up under your shirt and made contact with your bare skin for the first time, you let out a needy moan. She breathed heavily into the kiss and pulled you tighter against her. It wasn’t long before you felt her growing firm underneath you.

“Fuck, Jess,” you whispered - a soft gasp escaping her and her fingers dug into your hips. You began to grind yourself down onto her burgeoning hardness.

She was breathless already, breaking the kiss, head falling back as her eyes rolled up to the ceiling before she refocused and latched onto your neck.

“You don’t know what you do to me,” she said. Her words spurred your hands to wander across her body further.

“I’d like to find out,” you returned as you gripped her hair and fully ground down onto the bulge growing firmer underneath your heat.

“Christ,” she said as she tucked her head further into the crook of your neck. She exhaled gruffly, rocking her hips up into you and nipped at your neck. “Y/N,” she breathed as her hand tenderly caressed the side of your neck before dragging downwards in need.

“Jesus, Jess,” you panted as your core began to throb with each touch of her straining cock pressing through your clothes.

She growled deep in her chest and gave a particularly firm roll of her hips, the friction causing you to throw your head back at the sensation.

“I could hear you say my name all day,” she said.

“Fuck. I want you,” you confessed as you rode her lap. A subtle moan worked its way up your throat as her fingers dug into the small of your back.

“God, I want you too,” she nearly whined, her head switching sides and tending to the other side of your neck while her hands wandered, her thumbs now running along the crease of your thighs. You released a needy, shuddering breath as she began to undo your pants with one hand.

“Do you - do you have a…,” she trailed off, her inquiry hanging in the air. You opened your eyes

“You don’t need it,” you told her. Her kisses ceased and her head snapped up. “I’m on birth control,” you explained.

You could see her haze lifting and the wheels in her head beginning to turn rapidly. Your whole relationship you’d never gone on it. You’d used protection and been careful, but there was always an understanding that if something were to happen, you’d navigate it together.

“I’ve been safe still," you tacked on. "But I’m on it as an extra precaution.” An almost rueful smirk tugged at your lips. “That’s the absolute last thing I need right now. I’m really not interested in taking that risk with anyone else.”

You were broken up. You didn’t owe her anything. Yet you felt like you’d betrayed her in some way by being with others. Trepidation crept up your chest and into your throat as you waited for her reaction.

She visibly swallowed and a heavy frown settled on her face while she studied you.

“I know you mentioned dating apps,” she started, eyes momentarily unfocused before she met your gaze. “You’re seeing someone,” she said, tone undistinguishable. She dropped eye contact for a second before locking onto you again. “How serious is if it?” She asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

You couldn’t help but snicker. It just seemed like such a silly question in this moment as the months of effort, discipline and restraint rapidly unraveled.

Wasn't it obvious as you sat here in her arms that there could never truly be anyone else.

Still, she tensed up under you and you saw a flash of hurt cross her features. You went on gently.

“Clearly not.” You held her gaze, feeling a deep seated need to reassure her. You caressed the side of her face. “It’s casual at best.”

She observed you quietly, her eyes searching yours. You waited patiently. Her eyes soon fell to your lips and she surged forward, capturing you in a hard, heated kiss that sparked a soft gasp from you.

She kissed you deeper still, her arms wrapping tightly around you and pulling you close as she shifted her hips up into you again. You moaned softly as her hands snuck up under your shirt once more, this time removing it altogether and she hungrily began to kiss down your chest as she unclasped and discarded your bra in a couple of quick motions.

"Oh my God," you gasped as she drew your nipple into her mouth. You arched your back into her and she moaned in response while massaging your other breast. You rocked your hips against her hardness, completely impatient and done with the barriers between you. "I need you," you told her desperately as your dragged your nails down the back of her neck.

She began to undo your pants again and you swiftly stood up off of her to take care of it yourself, but to also signal to her to get undressed. Your eyes immediately fell to the prominent bulge in her pants and your core honest to god pulsed at the sight.

She kept her eyes trained on you as she hurriedly took off her clothes and you did the same. A shameless moan hummed in your throat as she pushed her boxer briefs down and her cock stood proudly with need and desire.

Jesus Christ. You'd missed her. You'd missed her cock, too. The way she looked at you. The way her breath felt on your skin. You missed all of this.

You felt dazed and flushed already as you climbed back onto her lap, her hands meeting you readily. Despite the near-frenzy, you felt a wave of comfort and safety under her touch amongst everything else.

She held your gaze as she positioned her cock at your entrance. You half anticipated her to ask for permission, but instead her other hand came up to the back of your neck and pulled you into for a searing kiss. You sank down onto her length and your jaw fell slack at the sensation of her filling you up. A high moan fell from your lips and she gasped in return as her fingers dug into your skin.

"Oh God," Jessie said in a breathy, trembling voice as she now held you in place. You looked down to see her eyes slammed shut, her mouth agape and her shoulders rounded out. "Oh my God," she repeated as she slowly began to blink through her haze. "You feel so incredible." She bit her bottom lip as her eyes raked down your body and she encouraged you to start moving again. "I've missed you so much," she declared with a slow shake of her head.

"I've missed you, too," you reciprocated as you slowly rose up on her length. Though she filled you so well, between her precum and your wetness, the motion was easy with how aroused you were. Your eyes fell shut as the head of her cock stretched your entrance out just that much more. You released a shuddering breath as you slowly sank down on her again.

"Holy fuck, Jess," you whispered as you began to set a rhythm, "you feel so amazing inside of me."

She growled and leaned back further to devour you with her eyes while her hands held your waist securely and helped you moved up and down on her length.

"Jesus Christ, I'm gonna cum already," she forced out as she let her head fall back against the couch and she blinked several times to try and maintain her resolve. "You're so fucking good."

A brief flash of Sara entered your mind, but it disappeared just as quickly. A very vague awareness formed in your mind that this would've haunted you and made this moment impossible months ago. Instead, though, you felt connected. Things felt intimate. You felt desired. Loved. Like you were the only one for her.

"So cum for me," you said easily as your hand came up to caress the side of her neck and urge her to look at you. You smiled at the aching moan that rumbled beneath your palm.

Her lips were parted and her cheeks were red as she glanced down to where her cock pumped in and out of you as you rode her.

"Can I...-" she asked as she looked up at you.

"Cum inside me," you said as you leaned down to capture her lips in another kiss.

She groaned into the kiss and wrapped an arm firmly around your waist. She broke the kiss to lock eyes with you as she began to flex her hips, now fully meeting your thrusts and then-some. The sound of your skin against hers now permeated the room and you tossed your head back as she pumped into you.

A few strokes later you felt her fingers dig into your skin yet again as her hips began to stutter against you, until she buried herself deep and held herself there with a tight moan.

"Oh shit. Fuck," she panted while she rut into you a couple more times as she finished spilling herself inside of you. She breathed heavy, gaze unfixed as she pulled back from the embrace slightly. "I'm sorry, I-"

You cut her off, embracing her again and continuing to rise and fall on her cock.

"Oh fuck," she said, voice wavering as she blew out a breath but began to kiss your chest anew.

You steadily rode her and she bit her lips together and rest her forehead against your chest, rolling her head against you from side to side in a daze. It was only a few moments before she wrapped her arms around you more fully again and began to meet your pace.

"You make me hard so fast," she said in awe as she pumped into you. She allowed her hands to wander across you in admiration. "God, I love you. I missed you so much."

You looked down at her with hooded eyes. You felt dizzy with emotion and need.

"Why don't you show me how much," you said.

Her eyes snapped up to you and your challenge slowly registered in her mind. You could see the look in her eyes shift as realization dawned on her.

In a flash, she had you flipped onto your back on the couch cushions, your head towards the arm of it. She had one knee on the couch, nudging your legs apart while her other foot was rooted to the floor.

She looked at you with dark, lustful eyes as she positioned herself at your entrance once more before plunging inside your slick tunnel, eliciting an immediate high-pitched moan from you. She muffled it with an urgent, needy kiss.

While it was measured before, she was now thrusting powerfully into you, her hand braced against the arm of the couch as she plowed you into the cushions. Nearly each thrust sparked a clipped moan from you as she angled her hips in just the right way to send pulsating waves of pleasure through your body.

"I've missed you so much, you don't even know," she now said through nearly-grit teeth in your ear as she flexed overtop of you. You clawed at the back of her arms as you writhed beneath her, your legs opened as widely for her as possible, inviting her in even more.

"Oh God, Jess. You fuck me so good. Oh my God," you chanted as your hands palmed her body desperately as you tried to ground yourself amidst your rapidly building pleasure. You gasped, trying to catch your breath.

Her thrusts were relentless and oh so good. Her skin clapped against yours and the wet sounds of her length pumping in and out of your heat filled your ears.

"Hear how much I missed you," you said.

Her muscles tensed up under your touch as she let out a small growl before rocking even deeper and stronger into you. You didn't even notice the sounds of the couch subtly scraping across the floor with each thrust until a loud crash echoed through the room as the lamp on the side table hit the ground. You were so wrapped up in her and what she was doing to you that you didn't even flinch.

"I'll buy you a new one," she muttered not missing a beat and kissed you hungrily. Your only response was another wanton moan and your hands coming to her firm ass and gripping her while you rocked up to meet her thrusts.

She repeatedly hit your sweet spot and that tight coiling sensation was reaching its peak. A sheen of sweat was on her skin - her face, her shoulders, her back as she took you unequivocally and emphatically. She broke the kiss and grunted softly in your ear as she moved powerfully above you.

"So fucking good," you praised as you dragged your nails up her back. You panted in need and clung tightly to her. "I love the way you feel."

You bit your lip hard and threw your head back with a high-pitched moan. "I'm gonna cum," you told her. She held her pace steady, but dipped her head down to kiss your neck, pulling yet another gasp out of you.

"Oh fuck," you whimpered as you began to constrict and pulse around her.

"Mm, I love the way you cum on my cock," she whispered as she continued to pump into you. "Feels so good," she panted and a few strokes later she released a muffled moan and you managed to open your eyes in the midst of your orgasm to see her arching above you as she came inside you again.

"Oh my god," you breathed as you started to come down from your high and she collapsed on top of you. You were kissing her right away, slow and languid, yet still yearning for more. "I love you, Jess," you told her as you caressed the side of her neck. She stilled, breath catching, and she looked at you.

"You don't have to say it," she said quietly, though it was plainly obvious how much it would crush her if you took it back.

You felt centered, calm, at ease. This moment so many months ago would've had your pulse racing, anxiety building, bile rising up your throat despite how much you really did love her.

You didn't feel torn this time.

"I love you so much," you repeated as you brought her in for another slow kiss before releasing her. She watched you quietly, opening her mouth to speak before stopping. You smiled at her reassuringly and she accepted with a small smile of her own.

There was so much to talk about. Still so much to unpack. Loving each other was never the issue, but you had to admit this felt different. You felt a peace you didn't before.

Yet, as you laid here entangled in each other's embrace, you both silently committed to keeping the outside world separate. You loved and missed one another and in this space - in this vacuum - you could indulge in that with no shame, no worries. You could just love each other and be together in this moment while you had the chance.

"I adore you, Jess," you told her unwaveringly. "I love you and I always have."

Emotion crossed her face and she laced the fingers of one hand with yours before kissing you deeply. You squeezed her hand and your other instinctually came up to caress her sculpted back.

She began to kiss down your neck, your chest, your torso, until she was at the juncture between your hips and thighs. Your chest rose heavily in anticipation and you watched her as she sat back onto her knees for a moment, hands massaging into your thighs, the crease. Her thumb gently came to rest on your clit before spreading your lips, sticky with her cum and yours, apart.

"Fuck, baby, you look so incredible with my cum dripping out of you," she said in awe, her eyes transfixed.

The statement made you wet all over again, but her calling you 'baby' made your chest twinge in the best way possible and you wanted more.

She released a quick, gruff exhale as her hands pushed up your body in a rush and you let out a yelp and a giggle as she effortlessly maneuvered you so you were sitting up on the couch again, legs spread as she settled onto the floor between them. She gave you a smirk.

"I love being on my knees for you," she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You bit your lip and ran your hands up your face and through your hair. You could feel a blush coming on and you just shook your head affectionately at her.

"You're so sexy, you know that, right?" You asked with a light laugh.

She smirked further holding your gaze and gave a faint shrug of a shoulder as she placed her hands on the inside of your knees and gently pushed your legs further apart. She dipped her head down and began to lay slow, lingering kisses up your thighs.

"The way I'm hard for you again already, I'd say you're the sexy one," she said, her tongue flicking out now and then to tease your skin.

She reached under your thighs and gave one strong tug, pulling you to the edge of the cushions as she settled in. You could feel her nose brush against the uppermost part of your thighs and you could feel her warm breath on you.

Your shoulders were rising and falling in anticipation and you belatedly realized you were kneading your hands into the cushions.

She tilted her head slightly and laid a faint, delicate kiss on one of your lower lips, before tilting to the other side and doing the same there. You breathed harder.

A light gasp fell from your mouth as you felt her tongue softly reach out, tracing patiently up along one lip, bypassing your clit before coming down on the other side. She drew light, teasing circles around your entrance before trailing gently upwards, taking her time, tasting you as she went. She traced all around your clit with a soft, fleeting touch before giving a flick of her tongue across you. Your body stiffened and your hands balled into fists.

She chuckled softly and laid her tongue back onto you more firmly this time.

Her head bobbed now and then as she attentively and patiently worshipped your pussy with her mouth. You melted into the couch as she licked, sucked, and nipped at you while she moaned into your heat, letting you know she was exactly where she wanted to be.

Your fingers ran through her hair, digging into her crown now and then and gripping her hair tightly as she stopped teasing and began to pick up her pace and focus more on your clit.

You let out a throaty moan as she slipped two fingers inside you and curled them upwards.

Soon, that heat and pressure was steadily mounting and you mewled softly as your hips faintly bucked up into her waiting mouth. She remained steadfast, maintaining her pressure and pace.

"Fuck," you gasped, grinding your hips into her face, her hair bundled into your fist. She reached out and grabbed your free hand, lacing your fingers together. She gave you a squeeze and gently thumbed the side of your hand as she brought you ever closer.

Your breath hitched as white hot tension that had been building finally crested and you came on her fingers and all over her face. You felt a rush of liquid as you convulsed and she moaned deeply as she continued to lap you up.

Short, quick gasps shook you but finally slowed as you came down. Her tongue now caressed you languid and flat as she soaked up the last of your arousal.

"That was so amazing," she said as she sat back, eyes bright as she quickly wiped at her chin.

You were still in a daze as you observed her. She wiped at her chin again because it was still slick with your wetness.

"Did I..." you trailed off. Her eyes shone brighter and she nodded in affirmation.

"Oh my god," you mumbled as you began to blush again and avert your gaze. She was up on her knees right away and kissing your cheek.

"Hey, I loved it," she assured you. She let her kiss linger and she lowered her voice. "I love knowing how good I made you feel."

You relaxed, knowing how true it was. You laughed and turned your head to kiss her lips, immediately tasting and smelling yourself on her.

"You have nothing to worry about there," you said with a smirk as you pushed her by the shoulders so she was sitting back. "Now, question is, how good can I make you feel?" You went on as you pushed her further, guiding her onto her back on the floor while you climbed on top of her. She grinned at you, eyes bright all over again as she allowed you to push her down between the couch and coffee table.

"God, you're beautiful," she said as her hands came to your waist as you straddled her thighs, her cock standing tall in front of you. Your hand came to the base and you slowly began to stroke her up and down, still coated and slick with both your juices. She exhaled through her mouth and her eyes shifted to the ceiling briefly.

You released her length and moved so you were sitting on her hips, her cock now behind you. You leaned down and kissed her, angling your hips so your slit brushed against her hardness.

"Mm," she voiced into the kiss as one hand rest on your waist and the other came to your cheek.

"I missed you so much," you whispered. You were repeating yourself, but it was true. You sighed into the kiss. "I feel like I can't get close enough to you."

She inhaled deeply and clutched you tighter. "I know the feeling," she said. She shifted her hips and the thick head of her cock began to nudge at your entrance.

"Ah ah," you said lightly as you shifted forward, the head of her cock losing contact. You kissed her slowly. "I didn't tell you you could."

"Mm," she moaned low in her throat. You smiled into the kiss. You loved when she was desperate for you. And you knew what was to come if you made her wait, which only made it better.

You rocked your hips back, carefully maneuvering yourself so your slick folds were gliding across her tip. You bit the inside of your cheek in satisfaction at how her cock twitched at the contact.

"Please," she said as her hands wandered up your sides and down your chest. "I need you."

"Patience, baby," you said and you hissed in pleasure as her fingers curled in, nails dragging across your skin.

You looked down at her, part of you still in disbelief at all of this. Your body continued, gently grinding your hips against her tip, subtly rubbing your clit back and forth across it. Her face was flushed and her eyes were dark, but brimming with love and adoration.

You didn't want to say too much, but you were so lost in this moment with her. You couldn't stop yourself from telling her, "I need you so much. I love you more than you know."

She released a jagged breath and pulled you down into a hard kiss. She rest her head against your forehead. "Then let me love you," she pleaded.

"I want to," you said breathlessly as your pussy continued to kiss her tip. You gave a more pronounced roll of your hips. "I really want to."

Her breath shuddered once more and her grip was tight on you as she shifted her hips to follow you and meet you. She nudged at your entrance again.

"Please let me," she begged. "I'll take such good care of you."

"I'm always so weak for you," you said in between kisses. She shook her head.

"You're not. There's nothing weak about you," she refuted. "I wish you'd let go. I'll take care of you. I promise."

"I know, baby," you relented though you still rubbed your slickness against her and not granting her entry.

"Let me in," she pleaded softly, voice thin and wanting. "Please. I need you so much. Nothing's the same without you."

"I dream about you, you know," you told her and she released a strained moan. "You don't know how many times I've touched myself thinking about you."

"Fuck, babe," she breathed, sounding almost in pain. "I need you. Please. Please."

You kissed again and you sank down onto her aching member and she let out a shaky moan and tensed up under you. You kissed her deeper.

It only took her a second to catch up and she gripped your hips, her fingers surely turning your skin bloodless and white, before she started to pound up into you with strong, rolling thrusts.

"Oh fuck," you gasped, your body stilling at the sensations that coursed through you with each stroke.

"I swear you were made for me," she panted as she stared at where her cock was filling you up. "Look at you creaming on my cock like this. I know you feel it too, baby."

"Oh my God, Jess," you said as you clutched at her body in desperation, just trying to hold on. At one point you braced yourself with one hand on the coffee table, the other on the couch.

You bit your lip, whining through the pleasure before you couldn’t hold back anymore. As she surged into you from below, your cries echoed off the walls of your apartment.

The sounds of her thrusts, the way you were dripping for her, the primal moans - it overwhelmed your senses and you were soon approaching your peak again.

"Go ahead, baby," she said. "You look so fucking beautiful when you cum." She pressed a hand down towards the base of your pelvis, adding pressure that nearly made you cum right then and there as she plunged deep inside you again.

A mangled whine worked its way up your throat as you came yet again. You head dropped to your chest before you let it fall back and you leaned backwards, your hands gripping her strong thighs - probably painfully tight - she didn't complain.

She came right after you, a clipped grunt escaping her as she buried herself deep inside of you and holding herself there as she emptied inside of you.

Her body relaxed and you collapsed on top of her, her cock still stretching you out.

Neither of you spoke as you both lay there in each other's arms, panting and trying to catch your breath.

It was such a strange mix of sensations - you felt entirely awake. Alive. And yet it also made you realize how tired you were, how little you'd rested in general over the months.

Your eyes were heavy and you just felt at home laying there on her chest with her arms around you. You smiled softly as now and then her fingers absently grazed along your skin and she'd lay a lingering kiss atop your head.

You both laid there, neither caring that you were still on the floor or how much time had passed. She reached up at one point to pull down the blanket she'd neatly folded earlier and laid it out across your back, enveloping you both. She kissed you sweetly as you cuddled in.

At some point her stomach started to growl. You chuckled silently, your body jostling her and she laughed too.

"Guess we should get you a snack," you said.

"You too," she chuckled. "And get you some water."

"You need hydration too," you countered. "Between last night and this morning, you need some serious electrolytes."

"Yes, my love," she said as she kissed your head again. You turned to her at the name and she looked momentarily apprehensive. You kissed her lips, quieting her concern.

"I have to take care of you, too, you know," you said as you pulled yourself upright and groaning lightly at the effort. "Oh my God," you said loudly as you brought a hand to your couch and stared at it. She sat up with a frown and followed your gaze. A slow chuckle came from her and soon turned into a full on laugh.

"My couch!" You exclaimed, though her reaction pulled a laugh out of you as well. "Cum stains on my couch. Are you kidding me?" You said, half-heartedly aghast.

"Don't forget the broken lamp," she said with a pointed nod behind you.

"Jess," you scolded mildly and she laughed fuller before shooting you a look. "Hey, not all of that is me. It's you, too." She gave you a shit-eating grin. "And hey, if you didn't want my cum spilling out of you and onto the couch, you should stop making me cum so hard."

You blew out a breath and gave her a look of warning. "Do not. I'm going to get worked up again. And, yes, I would like some sustenance first."

She laughed quietly and stole a kiss before rising onto her feet. She held out both hands for you and pulled you up with ease.

In another life, you two would've thrown on some clothes and gone about making a snack. But today, you led her to the kitchen, both entirely naked. Today, things were different.

She placed her hands on your waist and hoisted you up onto the counter, setting you gently down. She'd brought the blanket from earlier and wrapped you up in it.

You smirked and pulled her in for a kiss, your legs wrapping around her. The kiss threatened to turn into more and she took a deep, steadying breath and forced herself to pull back.

"Food and water first," she reminded both of you but gave you a charming grin. "Though you are extremely tempting."

Even as Jessie fetched some veggies and fruits out of the fridge and prepped them next to you, you both reached out, longing for contact at every step. Fingers brushing as you handed her a knife. A hand on your thigh as she reached across you to grab a plate. Your leg grazing against her, a tender kiss to your collarbone.

She snuck you bites as she prepped things and you simply watched her, appreciating everything about her. Soon, she was positioned between your legs, plate of snacks next to you on the counter and you both ate in peaceful, easy quiet. She fed you bites, you fed her. It wasn't even always sexual, just soft, caring and intimate.

While any time you two had seen each other the past several months, you'd both determinedly and routinely avoided eye contact. Now, you two couldn't look away from one another. As you picked up food, as you fed each other, your eyes remained locked softly on each other.

Although you did make the mistake of letting your eyes rake down her body at one point and it sent a shiver through you. You picked up a grape and while you held it out for her, you reached with your other hand, grasping her hair lightly and tugging gently, coaxing her to tilt her head back. She grinned and followed your command.

When you popped the grape into her mouth her lips latched around your finger and she sucked lightly on it before giving you an easy wink.

You moaned softly.

That backfired.

She smirked knowingly and soon dipped her head to start kissing her way down your neck. She gently pushed the blanket off your shoulders and continued to lay kisses, slow and teasing, until she reached your chest. You ran your hands through her hair as she kissed you, eventually taking your nipple into her mouth. Her tongue circled it languidly, teeth grazing before she gently tugged on it. She flicked her tongue across it teasingly before fully latching on.

You pressed your hand fully into the back of her head and your breathing slowed and deepened as you could feel yourself beginning to pool again.

She slowly kissed down your stomach, her tongue dipping across your navel before trailing further south.

Soon, her head was between your legs once again. You leaned back, your head resting against the cupboard as she explored you.

"You taste so good, baby," she told you, her voice low and the vibration as she spoke into your pussy made you jolt with pleasure.

You looked down, running your hand through her hair as she ate you out, eyes closed and moaning into your pussy as her tongue and mouth tended to you in just the way you needed.

You gasped softly as messy sounds of her licking up your arousal and swallowing set your nerves on fires. You released her head and clutched the edge of the counter so tightly your skin rubbing across it made a sound. You didn't have to glance down to know your knuckles were white.

Your breath began to quicken and all the telltale signs were there when suddenly the warmth and friction she provided suddenly disappeared. You blinked in confusion, eyes on the ceiling to begin with before you looked down with a deep-set frown. She stood before you wearing a smirk.

"Wha-" you stammered in a daze only to be cut off with a kiss that ended with her taking your lower lip in between her teeth and tugging as she pulled away.

"You made me wait. Now you have to, too," she grinned.

You began to babble again, but she closed the space between you, her hard cock in hand and she set the base of it at the top of your slit. She drew her hips back slowly, her cock running along your clit before she pushed back up, rubbing across it again.

"Mm," she voiced as she pressed down on her cock to add friction as she patiently rocked up and through your folds.

"I don't even know how you're still going," you managed to say with a breathless laugh.

She tucked her head into the crook of your neck and nipped at the sensitive skin there.

"It's what you do to me," she said as she placed both hands on the counter, shoulders flexing as she steadily rubbed her cock over your clit.

"Oh fuck," you breathed as you lifted your hands above you and rest them on your head as you leaned back into the cupboard once more.

She eventually leaned back and held her cock steady as she continued to rub your pussy. Her precum dripped down off her tip and onto your mound, a messy string following the motion of her hips until it eventually stretched and broke.

She stared at how your lips parted and spread around her cock. You stared at her. The way she was watching with such focus and desire added to it all and you climbed your peak quickly once more.

"I want you to cum, baby," you told her as you panted and gripped her arms. "I want to cum together."

"Anything you want," she breathed as she continued to stroke herself against you. Her cheeks were so rosy and her chest visibly rose and fell with each breath as she neared her own climax.

Her eyes fell shut as she began to pump rope after rope of cum onto you - the strings stretching from the top of your clit to just below your navel.

"Oh fuck," she breathed as she jerked herself off onto you. Your own core pulsed at how her cock twitched in her hand with every jet of cum.

Her body fell slack as she finished, her head resting heavy on your shoulder as she braced her hands on the counter.

"My beautiful girl," you said as you caressed her tired body. She shook against you gently with a quiet, appreciative laugh.

You silently reached in between your bodies and felt where she'd spilled herself onto you. You began to massage the cum across your skin and you felt her grow still. A few moments later she pulled back, eyes set on your fingers that played through her strings of cum.

When you were certain you had her attention, you pushed the cum downwards, through your folds and inside of you with two fingers.

You bit back a satisfied smile as her jaw dropped at the action. You rolled your hips into your fingers and you continued to push more of her cum into you.

"Jesus fuck, babe," she said in reverie as she took a few steps back to fully appreciate the view. She retreated until her back was against your kitchen island and she was already stroking her now-soft cock as you continued to play with yourself.

"I should've gone on birth control years ago," you told her. "I've been missing out on you cumming inside me."

She groaned, gaze unwavering and focused on your core as she tugged on her cock.

"God, I want you so bad," she said as she began to stiffen and grow in her hand. "I can't get enough of you."

"Good thing I love spreading my legs for you," you said and a stilted noise got caught in her throat. Your fingers dipped inside you again before withdrawing. Strings of your cum and hers stretched from your entrance to your fingers and you lifted your hand to further observe. You spread your fingers, raising an eyebrow at the film of cum bridging between each digit. "Look at us, baby."

Her eyes devoured you and she began to stroke herself harder and faster. Pre-cum started to drip from the tip of her cock again and you didn't even realize what you were doing before you'd hopped off the counter and closed the distance between you.

She held your gaze, but continued to pump her fist steadily up and down her length.

You didn't break eye contact as you lowered yourself to your knees in front of her. Her lips were already parted as she breathed through her lust, but her jaw fell further and she gave you an appreciative, if disbelieving, shake of her head.

"What are you doing to me?" She laughed lightly as you ran your hands up her thighs.

"Excuse me?" You asked with a glint in your eye. You wrapped your hand around her base and she let go, her fingers grazing against yours as she did. You gave a slow pump up her shaft. She gripped the counter behind her and bit back a moan at that simple action.

"Baby. I was merely offering you some water - some toast - this morning, and now here I am, multiple loads of cum dripping from my pussy and onto the couch, the counter, the floor, while I'm on my knees wanting to please you again."

You reached your tongue out to trail along the underside of her cock and along the bulging vein. Her knees gave for just a second. "So I think it's really more, what are you doing to me?"

To make your point, you held her heady gaze and wrapped your lips around her tip and took her deeper into your mouth.

"Oh fuck," she breathed, eyes snapping up to the ceiling and she had to lean heavily on the counter.

You loved how she came undone when you sucked her off - anytime she came undone, really - but in this moment you felt even more compelled to make sure she felt as good as she possibly could. To remind her that you adored her, wanted her, and you knew how to give her what she needed.

As much as you loved when she tended to you, you also loved and cherished being the one who she let tend to her.

The head of her cock nudged the back of your throat as you urged her to another climax. You adored the way her hand came to the back of your head. It was strange - you often hated that gesture with others, but you craved it from her. It felt like she was claiming you in some way.

After so many rounds, it wasn't that long until she gripped your hair in her fist and spilled herself down your throat with a low grunt. Her chest heaved up and down for air as she leaned back heavily against the counter, barely holding herself up. You slowly continued to suck her off until she softened, her cock giving one final twitch on your tongue.

She collapsed onto the floor, her head falling against the wall of the kitchen island with a dull thud. You smiled softly as you kissed her shoulder and then her cheek before you sat back and just took her in. She was thoroughly spent, her eyes heavy and dazed as she tried to watch you, but had trouble keeping them open.

Your gaze fell to the bruises and cuts on her legs from training and hard-fought matches. You leaned down, laying soft, tender kisses on each cut and each bruise.

"You know I hate when you get hurt," you said gently as your thumb gingerly caressed a cut across her knee. When you looked up she was watching you with such love and affection.

"I love you," she said as she tugged on your arm, guiding you to sit between her legs with your back spooned up against her. She wrapped her arms around your middle and kissed your shoulder. You reached up a hand behind you to caress the back of her head and she turned into your touch, kissing the inside of your wrist tenderly.

"Just a sec," you told her as you delicately extracted yourself from her embrace and stood.

"Hey," she said in blatant disappointment. You gave her a quick smile.

"I'll be right back," you told her exaggeratedly with a chuckle. You grabbed refills of water and the still half-full plate of food and returned exactly where you were before. "We got distracted," you teased.

She laughed, your body moving with hers as she did so.

"I guess we did," she conceded as you both drank and finished the food.

Again, after you'd finished, you sat comfortably together as the day ticked on. Her chin resting on your shoulder, or you leaning back against her as you rested. You were just content to be with one another and appreciate each other's presence.

You sighed at one point, relaxing in her embrace, your head tucked under her chin.

"You're my favourite person, you know," you said. She squeezed you tightly, the hug lasting several seconds and she lay a long kiss on your crown before she loosened her embrace again.

"You're mine too," she said.

In time, she massaged your neck and shoulders.

"Mmm, that's so good," you said as you melted into her touch. A lazy chuckle worked its way up your throat. "But my hips probably need it more."

"Shit, I'm sorry," she said as she shifted her attention and began to gently knead your hips.

"You don't need to apologize," you said as you closed your eyes under her touch. "At all. I lost track of how many times you made me orgasm, but you really don't need to apologize." A beat passed and you quickly added. "And I'm not saying 'no' to more either."

"You're insatiable," she teased as her strong fingers rounded your hips and followed the dip down towards your core. She snickered. "This is a dangerous massage to give."

"Yeah?" You asked, knowing full well what effect it would have on her, especially as you shifted your ass against her, feigning trying to get comfortable.

"Mhmm," she said simply as her hands continued to wander.

"Well you can't possibly have more in you," you said. Realistically, that would be more than fair. You bit your lip as her grip subtly tightened on you.

"You'd be surprised," she said as she moved your hair aside and began to kiss the nape of your neck. Your fingers dug into her thighs and you shifted against her once more.

"Jesus, baby," she said. "If you want a break you're going to have to stop moving like that."

You grinned, knowing she couldn't see it. "Like what?" You asked innocently as you shifted again, now feigning needing to look over your shoulder at her. You could feel her starting to grow firm against your back.

She exhaled heavily, her breath tickling the back of your neck and causing your core to throb.

"You know what you're doing," she muttered and began to sensually kiss up and down the back of your neck again.

"And so do you," you retorted and she rolled her hips against you in response.

"See?" You laughed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she murmured as she trailed kisses along the back of your shoulder and now reached a hand up to massage your breasts while the other now grazed your clit.

"So I guess you don't want me to help with this at all," you challenged as you moved, reaching behind and letting your fingers graze along her hardened member again. She moaned softly. "I thought so," you said with a cheeky grin over your shoulder. You shifted forward and repositioned yourself, your knees now on either side of her waist to ride her, facing away.

"Good lord," she said in blatant appreciation as you leaned forward, giving her a very clear view. You reached between your legs and behind to run her cock through your folds and settle at your entrance. She gripped your ass cheeks and kneaded them in her hands while she exhaled heavily. "Fuck, you're gorgeous."

You sat back onto her, a quiet gasp still escaping you as she filled you for the nth time today.

"You feel so good every time," you told her.

"Oh my god, baby, you have no idea. You feel incredible," she praised as you leaned forward, allowing her to slip out before nestling her back in and sinking down once more.

"Jesus Christ," she said as she kneaded your ass furthermore. She pushed you forward, her one hand coming to the small of your back and holding you in place. "I wish you could see how sexy you fucking look hugging my cock. Oh my god, Y/N. You're perfect." She inhaled with a slow hiss as she eased you back down onto her length. “I love the way you take all of me.”

You rest your hands on her shins and began to rock your hips back into her, relishing the way she filled you up as though it was the first time all over again.

She continued to grope your ass until a loud crack echoed through the space as she slapped your ass cheek. You let out a stuttering moan and rode her harder as she gripped your ass tightly between her fingers.

Her hand began to caress your back and she nudged your hips.

"Let me take you to bed," she said.

It took a moment for the request to register and she nudged you again. You didn't protest - it actually would be a welcome change. You went to stand, but your legs quaked. You heard her stifle a smug chuckle and a moment later her hands were underneath you and she carried you in her arms to the bedroom.

You had to smile as she set you down on the edge of the bed on your back. You immediately spread your legs for her and she gave you a salacious smirk as she stood before you, hand gripping the base of her stiff cock. You subconsciously bit your lip once more as you saw your cum glistening on her length.

She grasped your ankles and set them against her shoulders as she leaned down and sunk into your waiting tunnel once more. You whined faintly as she filled you, the head of her cock massaging your walls and stretching you out with deep, slow strokes. She rolled her hips, ensuring to hit your spot and you heard her exhale in satisfaction as soon as you clutched the sheets tightly in your hands.

"God, you're so wet for me, baby," she said in reverie as she sunk into you effortlessly again and again. You moaned and she pushed your legs apart so she could lean down to kiss you.

Your hand came up the back of her head to caress her, but you eventually had to break the kiss with a gasp, tossing your head back and she kissed your neck hungrily.

Her hands began to massage your waist and she began to moan anew into your neck. Suddenly, she nipped at your neck with a quick growl and flipped you over, moving you into the center of the bed and onto your hands and knees. You let out a low, wanting moan and arched your back, pushing into her.

"Fuck, baby, you're so gorgeous," she told you as her hands caressed your back before she lined herself up with your entrance, pushing her tip inside.

She began to pump into you and each time she slotted home it elicited a clipped whine from you. Her hands were on your hips and she helped guide you back into her hips on rhythm.

Her pace quickly picked up, strokes still deep and firm, and soon the sound of your bodies meeting filled the room. While you'd felt in control while out in the kitchen, with the way she railed you from behind, causing you to whine and moan under her movements, you now felt at her mercy - and it felt deliriously good.

Your limbs gave out at some point and you collapsed onto your stomach, arms folded haphazardly in front of you. She didn't miss a beat, staying conjoined with you as you dropped to the bed. She planted her knees on the outside of your thighs and used your prone position to her advantage to get even deeper inside of you than before.

"Oh fuck, Jess," you whimpered as her hips rocked strong and hard into you.

"You alright, baby?" She whispered as she reached forward and laced the fingers of one hand with yours and kissed the back of your shoulders.

You tried to form words, but instead you merely whined high in your throat and gave a faint nod of your head, giving her hand a squeeze.

She continued, her strokes now so relentless that you could hear your bed lurching into the wall with each thrust. Despite how primally she was fucking you, she whispered praise and kissed the back of your neck and shoulders tenderly as she held your hand.

You mewled and writhed in pleasure beneath her and gripped her hand as though it was the only thing anchoring you to this plane.

While she was letting herself cum with you before, she did no such thing this time. Instead, making love to you repeatedly, her hallmark stamina holding true.

Just when you thought you couldn't take anymore, she stopped, pulling out and flipping you over once more. You could barely open your eyes, but when your vision cleared you saw the need and pure focus in her eyes as she settled in between your legs again.

"I want to see you," she panted before she began laying searing kisses on your lips and neck.

"Jess," you managed to whimper as you feebly clawed at her back, your hips still somehow managing to rock up towards her thrusts.

"I love when you say my name, baby," she whispered as she pumped into you and her hands explored you.

"Jessie," you whimpered again. "I love you so much."

She groaned, back arching above you and your nails dug into her skin. "I love you, too. You're the only one for me."

You released a shuddering whine at her proclamation and you gripped her as tightly as your spent body would let you as another orgasm overtook you. Your vision quite literally began to fade out as pleasure washed over you so thoroughly you couldn't even think anymore.

You just lay there, eyes closed, chest heaving up and down, and beyond spent. You didn't even recognize when she got up out of bed, only connecting the dots when the bed shifted as she got back in holding out a glass of water to you.

You blinked in a haze and she very sweetly kissed your cheek. She helped you sit up so you could drink some water. When you pushed the glass back into her hand she set it onto your nightstand and you allowed yourself to collapse back into the bed, still catching your breath.

She laid on her back, her head resting on your stomach. You absently played with her hair and laid your other hand on her chest. She grasped your hand gently without hesitation and laid a chaste kiss to your knuckles.

You opened your eyes again and realized the room was dark - the sun having set outside. All sense of time was lost.

And frankly, you didn't care. Your heavy eyelids fell once more.

You weren't sure when you opened your eyes again, but Jessie was still in your embrace.

"I'm falling asleep," you admitted, eyes shutting once more already. "Are you?" She shook her head against your stomach.

"No."

You forced yourself to open your eyes, hardly hanging on. You barely heard her add.

"I don't want to fall asleep."

You mind struggled to process, but she shifted, lifting herself off of you and maneuvering you under the blankets and tucking you in.

"You sleep," she told you. You blindly palmed the bed, searching for her. She grabbed your hand.

"Will you stay?" You asked. She laid a soft, lingering kiss on your cheek as she climbed in next to you.

"As long as you want me to."

---------------

Light filtered into the room when you woke from sleep. Before your vision had even come into focus, you recognized an arm wrapped securely around your waist. You cuddled in instinctually.

When your consciousness finally caught up with you, you were face to face with Jessie. Thoughts of yesterday flooded your senses. You actually reached out, a hand falling softly to her cheek as if to make sure she were real and not a figment of your imagination.

Jessie was watching you sleep, clearly already well awake. In another time, you would've half expected her to get sheepish and laugh at herself for watching you so unabashedly. She didn't flinch. Instead, she smiled gently into your touch and tenderly thumbed your hip bone.

"How long have you been awake?" You asked, voice still thick with sleep as you tucked your head under her chin without thought. She kissed the top of your head.

"Not that long," she said simply. She kissed you again. "Did you sleep okay?"

Your mouth pulled into a smile unprompted. You know it was entirely bizarre that Jessie was in your bed. It wasn't your old life, it wasn't an alternate reality - it was here and now and it felt good. It felt right. You slept better last night than you could recall in months. This levity you felt in her arms was greater than you'd felt in so long.

You nodded.

"I slept really well. Did you sleep okay?" You reciprocated.

"I slept really well," she echoed as she kissed your head yet again.

There was a brief lull and you momentarily stalled the words forming in your throat before relenting.

"I'm glad you're still here," you confessed.

She brought two fingers to your chin and tilted your head up gently so she could kiss your lips, soft and gentle.

"Me too. Thank you for letting me stay," she said.

You smiled at her and she brought her hand to your cheek and caressed your face in adoration. You blushed under her unflinching stare.

"Yesterday was...," you trailed off with a disbelieving shake of your head and a laugh. You blushed further, but a glint formed in your eyes. "And I thought we had intense sex before."

A laugh bubbled up her throat and she eventually allowed herself a fulsome laugh, kissing your shoulder and hugging you to her.

When she pulled back you could see her mind working. You prompted her to speak. She shrugged, but you nudged her, urging her on. She sighed softly.

"I contemplated asking you how I compared to...the others. But I realized I don't care. I know how this sounds - but with the connection we have," she inhaled, "there's nothing like it. I know sex between us is special." She held your gaze. "It's more than sex."

You found yourself nodding along in agreement and it was hard to ignore how her quiet confidence made your core pulse again with renewed desire.

You thumbed her cheek, her freckles highlighted by the sunlight breaking through the blinds. You tilted up to kiss her.

The kiss started chaste, but it soon deepened and you lifted your leg to hook over the side of hers, drawing a soft, appreciative moan from her.

"I've missed waking up with you," you whispered into the kiss as you grasped her hand, guiding it down between your legs.

She needed no further guidance as she pushed two, thick fingers through your folds. She reached your entrance and her jaw grew slack at the wetness she found there. She dipped her fingers forward, just barely pushing inside of you, just enough to coat her fingers better and she drew them back up through your lips, spreading your slickness.

You moaned lightly into the kiss and angled your hips into her hand.

"Fuck, baby," she breathed. "You are so tempting."

"Yeah?" You asked as you shifted your weight, fully hooking your leg over her, pushing her onto her back and now straddling her. You grabbed her hand again, pushing her fingers through your folds and slowly inside of you, adoring how her eyes rolled into the back of her head at the action. "Seeing how wet I am, I think it's safe to say you're tempting too."

"You're so beautiful," she said as she slowly began to pump her fingers in and out of you, her thumb settling on your clit and circling.

"I'm so wet for you already," you said as you rocked above her, well aware of her hardness now standing tall and yearning for entry.

"I want you," she breathed, her hips helplessly rocking up into the space between your bodies.

"So take me," you said into the kiss as you lowered your hips closer to her.

She moaned headily into the kiss and removed her fingers, swiftly setting her length at your entrance instead. She moved the tip back and forth through your arousal a few times before nudging up into you, your entrance stretching to accommodate her girth.

You gasped as she began to fill you and she gripped your hips, gently guiding you down onto her length as she moaned.

"God, you're so fucking tight," she nearly hissed. "You feel so amazing."

You underestimated the toll yesterday took on you, and only a few strokes in your legs already began to shake. She shifted her grip, holding you from underneath and she helped you tremendously, her biceps flexing with each movement.

"Oh my God," you found yourself saying already as you fell forward, your forehead resting against her collarbone. She gave you a quick kiss on the head, but continued to lift you up and down on her length, fucking you from underneath.

"I've missed you so much," she said as she rocked you on top of her.

"I've missed you, too, baby," you said as you pushed yourself up enough to meet her in a kiss.

"I don't want to let you go," she added, her voice taut and her grip tightening on you.

"I don't want you to," you reciprocated with zero hesitation. Jessie whined high in her throat and swallowed audibly. Her hips thrust into you with greater fervour.

"I love you so much," she said. You kissed her hard.

"I love you, too."

Your walls began to spasm around her, your whole body growing tense in her hold.

"Mmm, fuck," she hissed as your clamped down on her, massaging her. "I love the way you grip me. I can feel you pulsing. Jesus Christ, baby. Here it comes," she said, followed by a waning grunt as she held her hips flush against your core and exploded inside of you. Her member twitched inside of your walls as she drained herself into you.

The physical support she gave faltered as she came and you grew slack on her body, collapsed on top of her.

She remained inside of you as her cock began to slowly soften. Only when you shifted did she pop out, her hot cum dripping out of you, down your slit and onto her.

"Jesus, baby," you murmured as you rolled your head against her shoulder. "I'm wrecked. Oh my god," you said as you shifted, your legs trembling once again. You sat up on her and winced. "Jesus. I'm not going to be able to sit at all today." You had to laugh.

"My baby, I'm sorry," she said through a light laugh though she tenderly kissed your forehead. "Let me take care of you."

You didn't question, you just let her walk you to the bathroom - leaning on her more than you cared to admit as you did. She ran you a hot bath and guided you into the tub. You released a sigh of relief and she chuckled warmly.

"You're joining, right?" You asked. She looked uncertain for a second before nodding her acceptance and taking a seat across from you.

You both relaxed in the waters, chatting easily as you bathed. You soaped up the loofah and began to try to get your back. She gave you a subtle nod.

"Need help?"

You smirked. "If you're offering."

"Come here, baby," she beckoned and helped slot you into the space between her legs. She sudded you up, massaging your sore muscles as she did so.

Admittedly, despite how many times you'd brought each other up and over the peaks of desire the past day, you found yourself growing wet yet again under her skillful ministrations.

You scooched back further into her and she bit back a moan, you could feel how firm she was already. You reached back and retrieved the loofah from her and set it on the ledge of the bath. You grabbed her hand and snaked it around your waist and back down to your core.

She groaned into your neck as she buried her head against you.

"You sure? You said you were sore," she said though two of her fingers gently rubbed your clit, causing you to writhe in her arms already.

"This is good," you told her as you rolled your hips up to meet her fingers, searching for friction.

She started laying open-mouth kisses along the nape of your neck. You tilted your head, extending your neck and giving her more access. Her tongue came out and playfully licked at your skin before she tenderly kissed you again. Her fingers pressed against your clit firmer, rubbing you and she attentively followed the pace and angles that your hips relayed.

You leaned back into her body, loving the way her arms enveloped you. Her breath tickled your skin and her loving kisses warmed your entire body.

As she continued to tend to you, you let your head fall back, pushing yourself further into her and she leaned down, kissing your mouth as you brought a hand up to the back of her head.

"You are so gorgeous," she murmured into the kiss as she began massaging your breasts. She gently pinched your nipples now and then, drawing soft gasps from you.

In time, you reached your peak again, another, admittedly gentler, orgasm washed over you as you writhed and mewled in her arms.

"So beautiful. So beautiful, my baby," she chanted in your ear as she continued to circle your clit, slowly bringing you down from your high.

You grew lax in her arms and her chest shook with a gentle laugh as she hugged you to her.

As you came to, you became newly reminded of Jessie's raging hard on sandwiched between your body and hers.

You shifted in the water, moving onto your knees and steadying yourself before rising. "Let's rinse off," you told her. She glanced down at her arousal, a light blush forming on her face and you shook your head, dismissing her concern.

"I love that I have that effect on you," you told her as you held out a hand for her. She took it, though rose up with her own effort, not wanting to tax you further.

You pushed her by the shoulders to the wall and kissed her deeply, moaning unabashedly, rubbing your body against her and her erection. She moaned into the kiss in return.

"You are beyond sexy," she muttered into the kiss, "you always have this effect on me."

Your mind twisted and turned - you shouldn't say a thing, but you couldn't stop yourself. You grasped her length in your hand and began to stroke her up and down, adoring the way her knees immediately weakened at your touch.

"Are you mine?" You asked against your better judgement. She breathed into the kiss, a small whimper coming from her lips. She looked to you and gave a series of short nods.

"I am. Always yours, Y/N." Your fist rode up her length, your thumb caressing her sensitive head, before gliding down and toying with the base. She shuddered as she spoke, eyes still fixed on you, "Always."

You cupped her cheek with your other hand and gave her a heated kiss, which she readily met as you continued to pump her up and down. Her abs flexed, hips twitching, as your touch sent pulses of pleasure through her body.

You worked the tip of her cock and you watched in adoration as her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, knees growing slack and she palmed the tile wall with one hand and clutching your body with the other.

"Cum for me, baby," you whispered in her ear, tugging on her earlobe with your teeth before giving a lick along the shell of it. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her climax approached. "I know you want to."

"Fuck," she whimpered, pulling you tightly to her. "Y/N. God, I love you so much."

You pumped her length firmly, letting the fingers of your other hand trail fleetingly down her neck. "Cum for me, my love."

Her hips twitched harder and remained flexed this time, and a few spurts of cum poured out of the tip of her cock and onto your fist. She'd cum so many times the past 24 hours that it didn't have the same power or volume as normal, but the fact that she had anything left at all seemed a miracle to you.

This time, she clung onto you, despite your bodily fatigue, as she recovered.

"Holy God. The things you do to me," she breathed as she worked to catch her breath.

You were both slow to finish rinsing off. You stood in one another's embrace under the warm water of the shower for longer than you needed to, but eventually turned off the water and exited.

You smiled to yourself as Jessie grabbed your towel and dried you off, peppering light, sweet kisses along your body as she did so. You pushed her back and did the same to her. You caught the warm, longing look she gave you as you dried her.

"Where are my clothes...," Jessie mumbled as she looked idly around, drawing an amused laugh out of you.

"That is an excellent question," you said. "They were lost many, many hours ago and haven't been seen since."

You laughed together as you retraced your steps and found her clothes. You both got changed and you went to the kitchen to grab some more food.

"So, um," Jessie started as you both sat next to one another on the kitchen counter eating some yogurt and berries and downing more water. Her tentativeness drew your attention. "As amazing as this has been, I um, I need to go soon."

"Yeah?" You asked quietly. It was inevitable. You'd bubble wrapped yourselves in this apartment; it was only a matter of time until the world outside of these walls imposed themselves on you again.

"I have to pick up Zoie," she said and you caught the cursory glance she shot you before decidedly looking back at her yogurt. "She's with me this week. I'm taking her up to my parents now that the season's over."

She glanced over at you again, anticipating that this admission would ruin this mirage you'd both created. Honestly, even you were waiting for your own upset to hit.

The upset didn't come.

The only upset you felt was a wish to be a part of it. A wish you quashed - with some hesitation and regret - before you could fall too deep into it.

"That sounds really nice," you told her, not having to lie. A slow smile crossed your face. "Say 'hi' to your parents for me. And to Zoie. I hope they're all doing well."

Jessie watched you quietly, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it didn't, she went on with a few rapid nods.

"Of course. Yeah." She dropped her gaze quickly as she wracked her mind. "They miss you, you know. All of them." She swallowed and locked eyes on you. "And for clarity - it's just me and Zoie. Sara's not really involved anymore. Not like she was. We've got shit pretty sorted out now."

You nodded your understanding. "That's good. I mean, not good. But I'm glad things are more settled."

Again, you waited for upset to wash over you, but above all you felt...calm. Secure. More confident. Strangely.

You weren't together, yet somehow you felt more centered, and more in Jessie's focus. Like the trust that was so damaged before was somehow greatly restored. She'd had every opportunity to move on, to replace you, to forget you. She hadn't.

There was still much for you two to sort out. But, maybe the door that you were so firmly set on keeping closed, could be set ajar.

A quick breakfast done, Jessie now put on her shoes at the door.

"What now?" She asked as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other with a newfound anxiousness mounting. "Was this...I don't know, a one time thing? Or have things...changed?" She scratched at her temple, gaze drifting to the floor. She shrugged and let out a weak laugh.

"As amazing as this was," she went on, forcing herself to look at you again. You could see the trepidation and burgeoning hurt in her eyes. "I can't do this. Just this. I want a relationship with you. I want everything with you. So, as incredible as this was and how intimate it all felt, I...I'm not cut out for it," she finished, visibly swallowing her pending upset.

You closed the space between you two, tenderly wrapping your arms around her waist and she immediately drew her hands from her pockets to embrace you. You laid a chaste kiss to her shoulder.

"I'm not cut out for this kind of thing either," you told her. You sighed quietly and she hugged you tighter. "I guess we talk more," you told her. She pulled her head back to look at you.

"Really? You mean it?" She asked, eyes clear with wonder. You nodded.

"Yeah. I think we should talk. When you're back," you said. "You know - enjoy your trip to Canada. Have fun with Zoie. And, let's talk when you're back."

She released a grateful breath, her eyes searching yours.

"Okay. That sounds amazing. Thank you - thank you so much," she said.

You chuckled softly and leaned up to capture her lips in a tender kiss.

"Things are up the air, and undefined, but, um, yeah," you couldn't help but blush as you recalled flashes of the past day, "there's clearly things that are unresolved between us. So. Let's talk."

She nodded eagerly, quietly beaming and looking so hopeful. "Okay. We definitely will, then."

Tag requests: @ryuushou @marvelwomen-simp @valuyhh

[lixiesbrowniess]

WHAT'S WRONG OLD MAN?

Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, SMUT, sexual content, blowjob, p n v, unprotected sex, rough sex, virginity loss, MAJOR SIZE KINK, deepthroating, dub con, soldier boy's in his 60s so its around 1980s, you called him a grandpa... I guess he proved you wrong.

| Jensen Masterlist |

One shot: Soldier Boy x Actress!Reader

Synopsis: You're starred in a new music video with non other than Soldier Boy. He's technically in his 60s, but damn was he fine as hell. You're in your 20s but the director still chose to give you the sluttiest role you've ever played with a man that literally could've been your grandpa. Yes. You play hard to get, won't last long buuut.

WAS LISTENING TO THIS WHILE WRITING THE SMUT PART PLS I WAS WHEEZING AT SOME POINT LIKE YES I'D BANG WITH HIM.

"Cuuut." the director shouted running towards you while you immediately tear yourself away from Soldier Boy's crotch with an annoyed frown, the director walked towards you looking somehow upset, about to scold you cause for the third time in a row you weren't drooling enough onto Soldier Boy's crotch or not being slutty enough.

You rolled your eyes, as expected the director was scolding you again. And grabbing your wrist and tossing you around "You might be the youngest but thay doesn't make you less of a slut!" The director was shouting in your face. You yanked your wrist back making the older man flinch "Not my fault I don't want to rub myself against a fucking grandpa." You bite back harshly.

You didn't say that out loud, did you? You didn't, right?

You feel your blood running cold watching the director's face going pale looking at you. No. Not quite at you. Behind you. You didn't need to turn around to know he was behind you. And you swear you could feel his blood boil. The scent of whiskey and musk had your head spinning.

You act like you didn't notice, in an instant you excuse yourself to your dressing room, who was surprisingly big, btw. You could feel his eyes on you, following your smaller figure, wrapped in that tight as shit dress that barely covered anything.

You slam the door closed and curse to yourself, letting your body fall onto the sofa and closing your eyes. That was damn close. You could sense he was about to pounce on you. Probably to choke you to death or something. But how could an old man like him look so hot gross. You meant gross.

He had a fucking erection on set and didn't even bother to hide it. He looked even proud of it. And having it against your cheek in front of a camera really didn't made your day. You were lost in your thoughts and you didn't hear the footsteps walking towards your closed door. And you completely forgot to lock it.

You jumped on your seat, yelping at the sound of the door slamming shut, your eyes wide as they focus on the man standing in the centre of the room. Soldier motherfucking Boy was right there towering over you. That sure was intimidating, but so arousing at the same time.

Probably the whole set knew what was gonna happen the instant they saw him walking towards your room. Your throat felt dry. You kept on swallowing, but nothing worked; you opened your mouth to speak, but not a single sound came out of it.

He eyed you up and down. You probably were gripping your dress so hard your knuckles went white. He was still in his suit, but the helmet was gone, letting his wild, brown hair fell onto his forehead. "Cat, got your tongue?" His raspy voice blessed your ears as you shifted in your seat, shaking your head.

"You were so bold a couple of minutes ago. What'd you say again?" He walked closer, his tall figure hovering over yours. "Ah yes. You called me a grandpa." His voice lower as he now was mere inches from you. You kept looking away, trying not to focus onto his visible bulge, which was literally in front of your face.

You swallowed again, clearing your throat "Y-yeah I didn't mean it for real..." You stammered, focusing onto the floor now. Noticing his boots on each side of your little heels. You felt your legs weak. You don't think you could stand right now.

He raised an eyebrow, watching your smaller figure squirm in silence under his gaze. His rough hand grasp your chin sharply, turning it up to make you look up at him "You lie to me again imma fucking slam you to the wall understood?" He was pissed you could sense it. His gaze was harsh as he tightened his grip onto your face, squeezing your cheeks not so lightly.

You groan, knowing they'll leave a bruise. But the way he was looking down at you made a spark spread in your eyes. He must've noticed cause he smirked as he let go of your face. You massaged your poor cheeks, a tingling sensation where his fingers squeezed.

"I see what you are. You think I didn't notice the amount of times you look my way during every single break?" His hands get to work unzipping the costume letting his hard cock slap against his stomach. "Undressing me with those doll eyes." You weren't even listening at that point. Your head was dizzy with his heavy scent.

Your eyes fixated onto his erection, cock standing proud and leaking precum, angry tip almost begging for you to kiss on it. "Little whore, I knew I wasn't wrong about you." He chuckled to himself, his hand slid back onto your chin eyes roaming over your body.

"Suck."

You were brought back to reality hearing his request. No. It wasn't a request. It was an order. You didn't have much of a choice. But unlike your facade, you were for sure willing to do so. He stroked himself a couple of times while your brain was processing what was happening. He 'kindly' held his dick to your face, tip brushing onto your lips, leaving them glossy.

"C'mon, open up, sugar" he slightly presses onto the back of your head. You parted your lips, feeling him pushing himself into your mouth slowly but without any warning. He sighs in satisfaction while you find yourself holding to his thighs and choking onto his cock.

He looked down at you smiling "Oh I know that bratty mouth of yours can do better than this." You gasp, your throat was clenching around him as he pushed your head further, slowly and carefully. You let your jaw slack trying to accommodate his girth, tongue flattened as he shoved your head all the way to his crotch.

You fought your gag reflex as he bottomed out. Part of his lenght slid down your throat. Your nose brushed against his groin. "Oh fuck, that's right." He sighs throwing his head back. Tears prickled the sides of your eyes as he didn't even bother to move he just held you there. You tried to breathe through your nose, barely achieving the purpose.

He looked down at you, his hand onto your nape holding you still while you started to try and back away. "Not so cocky now, are we?" He held your hair in an arranged ponytail slowly, pulling you backwards, allowing you to take a breath before slamming his cock back into your warm cavern. Slowly thrusting to make sure you took him whole every single time.

Once he had enough he pulled your head away letting his cock slip out of your throat. You cough and suck in all the air you can, chest heaving with every breath. A string of saliva connected your lips to his tip, and you shamelessly groaned the view. His cock now glistening with your saliva, shimmering. You kind of missed the feeling of it down your throat already.

"Get up." Your legs moved on their own as you immediately stood in front of him. The authority in his voice makes you soak your panties even more than they already were. You desperately rubbed your thighs together. He lifted your chin, wiping the drip of saliva laying onto the corner of your lips. "So obedient when no one else is watching, huh? A fucking slut for me." He chuckles pushing his thumb past your lips.

You suck at his finger as if it was his cock, eyes fluttering slightly before he pulls his hand away. Soldier Boy pulls you flush against his body, you felt his hard cock against your stomach. He smiles, seeing the cock-drunk glance you gave him.

You yelp suddenly as he landed a slap onto your ass, the tingling feeling spreading as you were sure it was red all over. "Turn around, sweetheart." You face the couch now feeling his hand onto your back, lifting your dress slightly, before he decided to just rip it off.

Your arm moved to cover your breasts in reflex, which made him smirk wider. "How old did you say you were?" His voice deep and agaist the shell of your ear "22 sir." You manage to blurt out. He laughs, a rumble into his chest. "I could indeed be your grandfather." He lowly growled, his hand closes around your throat as you gasp.

"See? You're such a good girl, all wet and ready for me." He chuckles as his fingers play with the hem of your soaked panties before pulling them down. He positions a hand onto your back, pushing you forward, your hands stopping you from falling. You hold yourself up leaning to the headboard of the sofa.

He slightly kicked your legs, spreading them more. A blush spreading across your face as both his hands were onto your ass cheeks, spreading them, to allow himself to admire your glistening cunt, while you clenched under his gaze only. "Now, would you look at that." He groans at the sight. "Your pussy is begging me to split you in half"

You groaned, feeling his fingers ghost around your core and onto your clit. You buck your hips backwards, following his touch, which he quickly denies you. Teasing you and leaving you clenching around nothing "Such a needy whore" he murmurs smirking to himself before landing a firm slap onto your other ass cheek.

You squeal at the sudden tingling pain. His hand immediately rubs circles onto the red spot. You close your fists, squeezing the couch headboard. "What's wrong, old man? Can't find where to sink your cock into?" The words are full of need, you didn't even realize you've said them. You feel another spank, only this time it's directly onto your cunt making you cry out at the force, legs shivering.

He pushes your head onto the cushions, having your ass perfectly up in the air. He leans in, reaching close to your neck, his hard cock pressed against your thighs. "Oh darlin, I know exactly where to hit, don't you test me." He growls, getting back up and blowing onto your redden and swollen cunt. You hold back a moan as he does. He then grips your hips up and pulls them closer, he lines his cock up to your leaking hole, not wasting another instant he pushes inside you, barely half of it entering you.

He groans, feeling ur tightness, making it difficult to move, his hands rubbing your sides as he keeps pushing. "C'mon darlin relax, what are you a virgin?" He jokes, but as he can't manage to push further while you tense around him, and your little cries, he tilts your head back to face him. Your teary eyes meet his green irises. "Shit, you really are a virgin." He whispers, his hand slides between your legs as he leans over your back.

His fingers start to rub your clit causing your body to flinch against him, his other hand holding your hip against him. He kisses your neck and starts sucking onto your tender flesh. Your eyes flutter at the unexpected pleasure. As you finally start to loosen up around his cock, he starts to push inside you without stopping his moves onto your bud. His girth splitting you open, it felt so good, your cries slowly becoming shameless moans of his name.

He bottomed out, forming a bump onto your womb, your hand stroking it slightly. Your eyes roll back as he starts moving in and out of your soaked cunt, you moan loudly as his hips slam flush against yours. Your moans get whiny timing with his thrusts. He groans feeling your cunt clenching around him.

"Literal mentally a whore physically a virgin huh?" He chuckles holding your hips while you push back to meet his vigorous thrusts as your whimpers filled his ears. He kept his steady rhythm against your, making your body jolt forward every time his hips slammed against yours.

You felt heat pooling into your core as your cunt fluttered around his cock, you tightly gripped to the couch, burying your face into the cushion, your moans becoming high pitched "Ben I'm－" You feel your orgasm approaching quickly as he rolled his hips, his cock bruising your cervix deliciously.

"Yeah babe, cum for me, let go." With that you felt your overwhelming climax, you cum soaking his cock. He grunts, slamming against you as your velvety walls clench around him "F-fuck" You stutter as he keeps his hips snapping into yours, hitting deeper sliding with ease thanks to your juices.

Your moans become louder, the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room while he grunts and groans against your skin "Fuck you're so damn tight." He groans as his thrusts start getting sloppy, you can feel his cock throbbing inside you. You feel yourself cumming again as he buries himself balls deep into you shifting a little upwards, the bulge forming onto your tummy. He finally feels his own orgasm approaching.

He pushes himself even deeper, bulging out onto your lower belly. After driving himself into you a couple more times he cums shooting thick ropes, painting your walls white, filling you to the brim "Oh fuck yes" he lowly grunts before pulling out watching your body tremble before falling onto the couch. He grinned at his nice work, having you full with his cum, some of it leaking out of your cunt.

He tucks himself back into the suit in a hurry. Much to your surprise, he's still pretty hard. He reaches to your body, you yelp as he picks you up, throwing you on his shoulder, spanking your tender flesh, he slowly walks out, frightening the director who was about to knock onto your door.

Your cunt on full view while he walked out. "S-Soldier Boy, we might need to do some more takes of the last sce-" the director started "No that's wrap. Send it away. I'll see you tomorrow." Soldier Boy interrupted him, walking towards his trailer with you hanging from his shoulder.

"Got more important things to do so piss off."

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Logan Howlett Masterlist

Pancakes - Summary: Who knew pancakes would make Logan realize he loved you?

Thigh lover - Summary: Logan is just obsessed with your thighs.

Kitty - Summary: You tease Logan over his cat like hair

Moments in time - Summary: Rogue gathered a collection of candid pictures and videos of you and Logan that shows a glimpse of your relationship.

Chronic Migraine Relief - Summary: Logan takes notice that you've been missing and he goes to find you, then he tries to take care of you once he does find you.

Your order - Summary : Logan always knows you

That damn party - Summary: Wade thinks he's Marvel's cupid

Claws cum out - Summary: SMUT Logan's claws come out when he cums (I never write smut so this might suck)

4+1 - Summary: The 4 times you make Logan flustered/ get protective of him and the 1 time he gets protective of you

Chronic pain - Summary: The reader has chronic pain; how does Logan help?

Sleepless nights - Summary: Logan is a heater 24/7

Marry me? - Summary: Logan loves you in his leather jacket, if only he emptied his pockets more often.

Angel Eyes - Summary: There's just something about him

Cat parent! Reader - Summary: The reader owns a cat that is a little too much like Logan; can he get along with the cat for you?

He can't be that animalistic... - Summary: The reader can read animals minds, so why can you read Logan's mind all of the sudden?

Logan vs Spice - Summary: The wolverine cannot handle his spice

It will come back - summary: Logan warned you not to get close to him and now he's obsessed

Purrs - Summary: Logan purrs during cuddles

Nail biting - Summary: You bite your nails constantly but Logan might be able to help

Almost - Summary: Logan feels guilty for loving this version of you

Logan's girl- Summary: Jean has feelings for Logan's girl, Logan overhears her and gets jealous. (Jessie's girl song inspired)

Helping out- Summary: Logan always assumed you got your hair done, when he comes home to you dying your hair he wants to help out

Too Strong - Summary: Logan's girl is just too strong for her own good. He starts to panic over her mutation

Vamp 1 - Summary: A vampire becomes the newest recruit for the X-men, It's love at first sight for Logan (reader is a vampire)

Vamp 2 - Summary: You don't have to sleep. Usually, it gets boring, but now you can take care of Logan when he needs someone (reader is a vampire)

Bad at feelings but deep in love -Summary: He doesn't know how to flirt, he kind of just watches from afar. You try to flirt, but you stumble over your words. Is there hope for two fools?

The break up - Summary: He just left, you want answers. (reader is a skilled assassin)

Clingy- Summary: Logan is clingy after losing so much

Be my good girl- Summary: Logan has the reader sitting on his lap and he starts to bounce his knee while you're talking to Al at Wade's party

[wh0reforcoriolanussnow]

The Fight || Billy The Kid x reader

Summary: Billy involves himself in a physical fight over you.

Warnings: violence, swearing, blood

Wc: 1,347

A/n: uh- this is my very first time writing a Billy fic so pls bear w me (especially w how they talk and stuff) bc in the the series I don’t really find Billy talking like how ppl write abt him (absolutely not hate whatsoever to those who do, I absolutely love ur fics find you all so talented 😭) so I’ll try my best to be as accurate as I can. Do let me know if I make a mistake so I can improve :)

Divider by @pommecita

"I'd fuck her any day if she wasn't whoring herself for him," Ollinger slurs, throwing his head back to let the contents of the bottle run down his throat as the men around him laugh. Billy's head pikes up at the sound. Typical Ollinger, talking about some woman as if she was an object.

Billy watches from the other side of the room as he continues to talk to them, his voice becoming louder by the second. "hot for a fucking gringo, and that's saying something," He shakes his head his eyes half close by how wasted he was.

"Wonder how Billy would feel if I had her, don't think he's too keen on sharin?" He nudges the guy beside him before bursting out laughing. Hearing this, he realises that Ollinger was talking about you. Calling you a whore.

He slammed the bottle in his hand down on the table making a loud noise. Pat Garrett and Jessie slightly flinch before they look up at Billy who was already standing, fuming.

"What's goin' on?" Pat asks, his eyes trying to follow Billy's line of gaze. Billy doesn't answer, instead, he storms over to where Bob Ollinger was and his friends. They were all laughing until one of the guys ushered everyone and tapped Ollinger to face Billy.

He slowly turned around, seemingly not bothered by Billy's presence or the fact that he towered over him. "Have something to say 'bout my girl Ollinger? Hm?" He stands his ground, taking another swig of his alcohol as he maintains eye contact with Billy. Everyone in the room had quietened down, eyes trained on the two who never got along.

"Maybe. Wanna hear what I gotta say Billy?" He smirks as Pat Garret and Jessie had already stood up from where they were. Billy narrows his eyes at the man. "I think she's a pretty little gringa you got there, but she needs a real man, not some kid like you-" "You're fucking pathetic, y'know that?" Billy spat, venom laced in his words.

Ollinger seemed to have sobered up when he said that. He looked at Billy with pure rage. "What’d you call me, boy." His blood was boiling at this point. "I said." Billy steps closer, "You're fucking pathetic." He threw a punch at his jaw as Ollinger falls back from the impact and his lack of balance.

At this point the room was cheering the two on as they throw punches at each other. Ollinger swings at Billy but misses, he was glad he wasn't drinking as much that night. He then lunges and aims towards Billy's stomach, knocking him onto the table as all its contents fell on the floor. "C'mon Billy get up!" Garrett pushes him back up.

Billy had a busted lip and a cut on his eyebrow as a trail of blood fell down the side of his face. However, it was nothing compared to the damage he did on Ollinger. "Call a whore one more time, I dare you," Billy yelled, throwing punch after punch as he was on top of him. "Billy! Billy stop!" Billy heard your familiar voice but didn't stop. All he could see was red.

From the moment you stepped foot out of your carriage that dropped you off in front of the pub, you knew a brawl of some sort was going on inside by the way you could hear cheers and the noise of furniture being knocked over.

You hurriedly walk in. You couldn't see what was going on over the tall people who stood in front of you. Weaving your way through the crowd to try and see what the commotion was about, you bumped into Jessie. "Woah there-" "Jessie, what's going on? Where's Billy?" You quickly ask him before your eyes fall onto him.

He was on top of Ollinger, throwing punch after punch. Your eyes widen in horror as you try to go to him but was held back by Jessie who had an arm around your shoulder. "Let me go! I need to stop him Jessie!" You struggle against his iron like grip. "Can't have you get involved in fight, sweetheart. Can’t let you goin' home with a scratch on your pretty face now can I?"

He says against the side of your face as you squirm, helplessly watching the fight. There was blood everywhere and you feared that Billy had killed Ollinger. "Jessie!" You thrash in his grip before he gives Garrett a look who nods and quickly breaks up the fight.

"That's enough, Billy. You got what you wanted," Pat and few other guys pulled Billy back who was breathing heavily, blood covered his shirt and hands. Billy spits on the ground. "All right, show's over!" Jessie yells as people start leaving. Ollinger gets pulled up by a few others as he's dragged away, his body limp.

"Don't you fucking go near her! You hear me Ollinger?" Billy yells before he spits more blood out. "Enough, Billy!" You exasperated, kneeling beside him to take his face in your hands, inspecting it.

Thank god there wasn’t much damage, only a busted lip and a cut on his eyebrow. “For god’s sake Billy! What happened now?” You search his eyes as he stares back at you, blankly. You catch Pat and Jessie looking at you before their eyes find the floor rather interesting. You stand up, dress already spotted in crimson as you brush the loose strands of your hair behind your ears, “What happened here?”

~

You made a beeline to your bathroom. Billy closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of her bed, he let out a groan before falling back onto the soft mattress. He starts to sit up when he hears you walk back in, a first aid kit in your hands.

You hadn't spoken a word to him since the two of you left the pub and came back to your house. You were grateful that your parents were away for the week, they would have thrown a fit if they saw you covered in blood and Billy batted up.

Moving to stand in between his legs, Billy lifts his hands up to rest on your hips but you slap his hands away. "Darlin'-" "I don't want to hear it Billy," You say, annoyance dripping from you voice as he hisses at the contact of disinfectant on his cut.

Billy lets out a sigh, his eyes trained on your angel like face as you attend to his face. "I'm sorry, I really am-" "Five times. Five times you've gotten into a fight because of me." You scoff, tilting his head firmly as you go over his eyebrow.

"You told me you would stop Billy. I can't keep playing nurse with you because you can't bite your tongue," You make eye contact with him. "You expect me to just sit around and do nothing when some guy is calling you my whore?" Billy's voice gets louder as he furrows his eyebrows at you.

You gulp, eyes looking everywhere but him. "Look at me!" He grips your chin with his thumb and index finger, "You've known me long enough to know I ain't that type of guy," He spoke, his eyes darkening.

"And you've known me long enough to know that I can handle whatever they call me. I don't need you getting into a fight every time someone foul mouths me," Your eyes begin to water. You hated seeing Billy like this. You hated how most of his fights revolved around the topic of you.

"They're all worth it, doll. You're worth it." Billy wipes away the singular tear that managed to escape. You sniffle lightly before he pulls you onto his lap, your arms securing themselves around his neck as he strokes your hair.

"Try not to get into another fight because of me," You mutter, your fingers drawing random shapes on his back as you hear him chuckle, "Can't keep any promises, darlin'" He kisses your hair as the two of you hold each other.

[astonmartinii]

it's got to be time travel | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem footballer!reader

face claim: jessie fleming (i'm a chelsea fan and i'm sad she left :()

they've got all the time in the world for each other, don't ask them where they got that time from though

note: we're also gonna pretend that the women's football and f1 seasons line up here lol

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, lewishamilton and 1,203,784 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: last sunday lunch before we both have to go back to work :(

view all comments

user1: ffs why do their ACTUAL jobs have to get in the way of my regularly scheduled charles x y/n content???

user2: i personally think that the fia should just give charles the championship and y/n the WSL title so they can just chill together :)

maxverstappen1: not on my watch

charles_leclerc: you don't even follow me? get out of my comments

maxverstappen1: you can't just get given the championship because you have attachment issues WE ALL HAVE ATTACHMENT ISSUES

charles_leclerc: me i get, but y/n doesn't deserve to win?

maxverstappen1: i never said that. y/n is girlboss slay queen

yourusername: too right i am

charles_leclerc: why are you peace and love with her and not me?

maxverstappen1: she's cool, you aren't

yourusername: can't disagree with that babe soz

user3: i have a feeling that these spats might get worse the longer charles is separated from y/n

user4: waa waa we're all sad their being separated but all i'm thinking is UP THE CHELS

user5: i need the treble right fucking now, a charles championship would be a bonus i guess

lewishamilton: will i get a formal introduction to y/n before we're teammates?

yourusername: YES, YES YOU WILL

charles_leclerc: i guess that answers that

lewishamilton: don't hate the player, hate the game

yourusername: i better see your ass at kingsmeadow at some point, it's fun, even if others think they're too good for it

lewishamilton: i'll be there 🫡

user7: can 2025 come quick.... PLEASE

user8: lol does this mean that charles has offered to take carlos to a game but he didn't go?

user9: ugh what a bore

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 1,402,667 others

tagged: chelseafcw

yourusername: excited for the new season back with the girlypops :))))))

view all comments

user10: treble or nothing I BEG

user11: it's their year for the champions league i've seen the script

alexalbon: no seatbelt ? way to set dangerous examples to your young audience

yourusername: if you're not careful i'm gonna teach my audience how to put their foot up the ass of those annoying her

alexalbon: ugh i hope you lose :P

yourusername: i don't have to hope, i know your ass ain't gonna be in q3

alexalbon: that's TOO far @charles_leclerc does our years of friendship mean nothing?

charles_leclerc: sorry buddy, i am y/n stan first, human being second

yourusername: as he should.

user12: so like... will we see charles in a y/n jersey again in the paddock?

user13: @ferrari stop being so annoying and let him wear what he wants

user14: i think i tasted paradise when they actually let him wear a y/n canada jersey in montreal

charles_leclerc: never seen someone make blue look so good

maxverstappen1: i'm right here?

sebastianvettel: did the homoeroticism of our challenge videos mean nothing?

danielricciardo: do not lie to yourself

yourusername: sorry sluts, you wish you looked this good

charles_leclerc: they'll never be you 🫶🏻

user15: i know the cfcw admin and pr department have a heart attack every time y/n posts

user16: the way she's out here calling three f1 drivers sluts with no repercussions

yourusername: can't be told off for telling the TRUTH

f1

liked by lewishamilton, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,205,489 others

tagged: charles_leclerc & yourusername

f1: couple goals! charles leclerc takes pole in bahrain while his girlfriend, y/n y/ln, scored the winner for chelsea women!

view all comments

user19: okay but i've never been in a relationship and am currently rotting on my couch... so who is the real winner here x

yourusername: my handsome boy is so talented :3

charles_leclerc: not as talented as you, pretty girl

yourusername: nuh uh at least my team is competent

charles_leclerc: errrrr

samkerr20: i think you broke him lol

yourusername: sometimes i think he's more loyal to ferrari than me

charles_leclerc: no!

scuderiaferrari: huh?

charles_leclerc: wait...

yourusername: i see :(

charles_leclerc: i'm LOGGING OUT

user20: charles is so lover boy stuck in his tortured poets department (ferrari formula one team)

user21: the way he's probably yelling down the phone to y/n about how much he loves her right now

samkerr20: he is and it's so loud the whole locker room can hear it

yourusername: but he's so sweet isn't he

niamhcharles17: i guess?

alexalbon: we heard it from his side... barf

yourusername: @lilymunhe are you being starved of romance?

lilymunhe: compared to you and charles YES

alexalbon: ummmm get out of my business y/ln

yourusername: you're ALWAYS in my business buster 🤨

alexalbon: NO! i am just passing down the ancient skill of communication?

yourusername: you're such a gossip girl alex

user21: i know they bicker like siblings, but i know deep down that there have been double dates

charles_leclerc: yes, but y/n and i are much better (no offence lily)

yourusername: did you log back in to restart the argument with alex

charles_leclerc: yes!

alexalbon: boo you whore

yourusername: don't talk to him like that 🤨

samkerr20

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 303,445 others

tagged: yourusername & charles_leclerc

samkerr20: forced to hang out with the straights... they're actually kind of cute

view all comments

user22: you know the couple has to be real cute when even the gays think they're cute

user23: no one can resist the charms of y/n and charles

yourusername: these photos make me think that we are cuter

samkerr20: we are but i didn't want to hurt charles' feelings

charles_leclerc: consider them hurt

samkerr20: boo hoo

yourusername: noooooo i love you xxx

charles_leclerc: hehehehehehehe i love you too xxx

yourusername: i miss you, hurry up and win and come home to me

charles_leclerc: i'm doing my best :(

yourusername: you are the bestest boy

samkerr20: STOP THAT MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE A DOG

oscarpiastri: when will australians stop being victims of this relationship

danielricciardo: this is your first season dealing with them properly, buckle up

oscarpiastri: i'm in a relationship but they make me feel so lonely

maxverstappen1: you get used to it after a while

yourusername: we're right here

landonorris: let us commiserate in peace

charles_leclerc: ??? do you or do you not get free football tickets out of it?

landonorris: yeha but when we go we just have to watch you cry when y/n inevitably wins another trophy

charles_leclerc: I'M PROUD OF HER AND YOU WON'T SHAME ME FOR THAT

user24: chelsea women players must be so confused when these grown men start arguments in the comments of THEIR posts

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, charles_leclerc and 1,529,556 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: weekend off... you know what that means

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user25: i know there's over 1.5 million likes but how can i gatekeep y/n?

user26: for real

charles_leclerc: the best weekends are with you here

yourusername: i may have a love/hate relationship with this team, but the catering is banging (i may have to move to italy)

chelseafcw: NO MENTIONS OF LEAVING CHELSEA, NOT EVEN A JOKE - NOTHING!

yourusername: okay, sorry guys (the pasta was so good though)

charles_leclerc: not even for me?

chelseafcw: DEFINITELY NOT FOR YOU, WATCH OUT OR WE'LL BLACKLIST YOU FROM KINGSMEADOW

yourusername: okay, let's pedal this back. i'm not leaving london and we all still love charles, right admin?

chelseafcw: .... yes

user27: when you're in a who has attachment issues with y/n y/ln and your competition is the chelseafcw admin and charles leclerc

user28: no point even showing up

maxverstappen1: i for one am glad when y/n is in the paddock because it means i can sneak in without the cameras seeing me

yourusername: i am a woman of the people

charles_leclerc: she's such a star, everyone wants to see her

maxverstappen1: yeah i'll give you that

yourusername: we're also hot

charles_leclerc: don't you dare respond to that one max

maxverstappen1: 🫡🫡🫡

user29: patiently waiting for the hq photos of them 😚

user30: gonna print them out and put them in my heart locket

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,398,452 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: babe is top of the league (and top scorer)

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user33: get yourself a guy who flexes your achievements as much as charles does

user34: setting the example tbf

yourusername: my lucky charm, that hat-trick was for you xx

charles_leclerc: would mean more if you didn't score them every week 😭

yourusername: they hate to see a girlboss winning

charles_leclerc: wanna share some wins with me?

yourusername: you're doing great this season babe, not your fault that nasa decided to rebrand to red bull racing

redbullracing: adrian says thanks 😊

charles_leclerc: DON'T SAY IT Y/N

yourusername: you don't even know what i was going to say

charles_leclerc: ....

yourusername: @redbullracing you got a seat???

charles_leclerc: Y/N!!!!!!!!!!

yourusername: whoops

user35: y/n really out here trying to get charles that damn seat

yourusername: i'll stop when the horse team makes a championship worthy car that they don't break halfway through the season...

user36: add ferrari to the group of people who shudder in fear when y/n posts

chelseafcw: fine... we hope you enjoyed (no more italy jokes)

charles_leclerc: i had a great time, i always do when i watch y/n do what she loves (slay)

yourusername: awwwwwwwwww i love you charlie

chelseafcw: okay no need to make admin feel that lonely, damn

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, alexalbon and 1,782,309 others

yourusername: finishing my best ever season with a big trophy haul :) now time to support my trophy husband in his day job

view all comments

user41: she really be out here doing it all

user42: i need her to win the Ballon d'Or Féminin PLEASE IT IS TIME

user43: with charles in attendance, first couples red carpet appearance YES, YES RUN IT TO ME PLEASE

charles_leclerc: unbelievably proud of you, mon amour, constantly inspired by you

yourusername: i love you so much, thank you for being there to support me through it all

charles_leclerc: it's the biggest pleasure in the world

yourusername: i'm all out of winning this season, your turn next weekend?

charles_leclerc: for you, i'll do anything

user44: PLEASE I NEED HIM TO WIN GOOD PLEASE

alexalbon: congrats i guess, you're pretty good

yourusername: thanks, since my boyf is so supportive, it's only natural that you have to try and humble me at every turn

alexalbon: you're more famous than us now, we need to keep you grounded

lilymunhe: don't worry y/n he cried nearly just as much as charles when you won the WSL

yourusername: I KNEW IT

charles_leclerc: i still cried more

alexalbon: it's not a competition bro, we all know you're both helplessly in love

yourusername: that we are

charles_leclerc

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tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: happiest when i'm with you (and whoever has decided to tag along), oh and winning a race helps as well i guess

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user45: CHARLES WIN I REPEAT A CHARLES WIN WE WON?

user46: the way y/n went just as mental as us, her and zecira jumping around the garage (and starting the champagne shower after the podium)

user47: really proving that y/n and charles really are each other's biggest fans

user48: thank the lord the WSL season finished when it did so y/n could be there for this win

user49: y/n would've ran to austria to be there i'm sure

yourusername: you know it 🫡

maxverstappen1: had to let you win so you could look cool in front of your infinitely cooler girlfriend

charles_leclerc: not even gonna bite, i'm too happy to care

yourusername: i'll bite - HIS TALENTED BEHIND SCHOOLED YOUR ASS

maxverstappen1: but i called you cool?

yourusername: i'll accept the compliment now, i had to defend charles' honour first

charles_leclerc: heheheehe i'm blushing

maxverstappen1: gross

user50: i need y/n to permanently be in the ferrari garage, they were on it today (i think out of fear)

landonorris: damn i thought i thirdwheeling lestappen was bad, but y/n and charles is a different beast

yourusername: we're both athletes, need to savour the time we have together when we can

charles_leclerc: sorry not sorry you'll get it when you're in love

landonorris: .... i guess i'll die then

fin.

note: i hope you enjoyed !!!! one last WIP to go and good lord the writers block is kicking my ass. but f1 being back should help!!! + f1 academy, much enjoyed it so far.

[youunravelme]

meant just for you // part one

author's note: long time no see! i'm (somewhat) back! i'm really excited to share this story with everyone, but it wouldn't be possible without bestie girl @thewintersoldierdisaster who has helped me tremendously along the way. thank you so much, p! this is for you :)

summary: you have a history of dating around and hooking up. after seeing your teammates start to settle down, you and mat make a bet to see who can fall in love first.

pairing: mat barzal x pwhl!reader

warnings: mentions of sex (though no actual smut because i can't write that to save my life), cursing, toxic boyfriends

the meeting

being selected for the all star pwhl 3 on 3 showcase was an honor in and of itself, one you didn't take lightly. it was even sweeter since it was held in your hometown, ubs in elmont, new york. 

you worked hard to get where you were today, not coming from money. sure your parents would be upper class anywhere else, but on long island? middle class. add on the extra expenses of skating lessons, goalie gear, and club fees on two teachers’ salaries, there wasn’t much cash left over when it was all said and done.

safe to say, your mom and dad shed actual tears when you were drafted to the sirens. whether they were tears of joy or tears of relief (from the fact that they hadn't wasted money on a career that would never be), you weren't sure. they probably would've cried regardless of what team, but knowing you were just across the river was a huge relief for them.

“proud of you squirt,” your dad said into your hair. “it’s time for you to start carrying your own goalie bag and peeling your oranges, now.”

you rolled your eyes. “i've been doing that for years, dad.”

“not the oranges,” your mom chimed in.

you grimaced. “i don't like the feeling of the peel getting under my nails. it’s gross.”

safe to say, you were ecstatic to tell your parents you were playing in the 2026 pwhl showcase. your parents had squeezed you so tightly in a group hug that you were sure some of your ribs cracked.

“you’re gonna be great!” your mom cheered.

“we can rent out our driveway to lazy tourists!” your dad said. you pulled back and gave him a strange look, but he didn't even look the least bit sorry. “i’m trying to earn back all the money i spent on your goalie gear, squirt.”

you'd rolled your eyes at the time, thinking it was just an over exaggeration, but when you saw how bad traffic was in elmont, you were grateful for the reserved parking for players.

you pulled into ubs’ reserved parking area, feeling the excitement hit you all at once. 

you were at ubs for the all star red carpet event you'd grown up watching from the rug in front of the tv in your parents’ house. sometime that week, you’d be on the ice instead of watching the islanders from the stands like you had the last few years. you grew up down the street, and later that week, you would play on that ice in front of thousands of hockey fans.

you could feel the excitement singing in your veins, you were bouncing on your toes, tapping your feet in your heels as you got out of the car. you straightened your teal patterned pant suit and black corset top, before pulling your phone out of your pocket. 

you: are you here yet?

you texted jessie eldridge, not sure if she arrived with everyone else. for the first time ever, you were running late. the anxiety (and probably the undiagnosed adhd) meant you spent more time fretting at your parents’ house than you anticipated, hence why you were arriving at the very end of the pwhl segment of the red carpet.

you’d have to apologize to your agent later.

now that you’d arrived, more anxiety started setting in. the cruel, self deprecating words inhabiting your brain told you to go home, that you didn't belong among “real hockey players.”

jess: not yet. pulling up now! traffic is insane!!!

you sighed and tried to touch up your lipstick in the reflection of your car window while telling yourself mentally that you could be brave, you could do hard things. you were the starting goalie on one of the six inaugural teams in the professional women’s hockey league, you were used to fear, or not feeling like enough. there was a reason you didn't check the comments on tiktok or instagram, or the replies on tweets after the games. people were cruel.

despite the shaking in your knees, despite the anxiety threatening to swallow you whole, you remembered the tears in your parents eyes when you got drafted, the hugs they gave you after each game.

you remembered the little girls you'd seen in the crowd with signs and your jersey on. that had to mean something, even if there were sexist pigs out there who didn't.

before you started walking, another car pulled into the parking lot and parked a few spaces away. you paused, recognizing the car, and waited for your teammate to get out.

jess eldridge popped out of her car, smiling wide as soon as she saw you. “long time, no see,” she joked, considering you saw her earlier that morning for practice. her eyes widened as she took in your outfit. “jesus fucking christ,” she said. “tryna get laid tonight?”

you grinned like a child and waited for her to catch up before you both started walking towards the red carpet. “we’re at a work function, jess,” you chided, knowing good and well that had never stopped you before. “how was the drive?”

jess shrugged. “traffic was not fun, you're lucky your parents live around here.”

“did everyone else ride on the bus?”

“they did if they’re from out of town.” jess pulled out her phone and checked the time. “i think we might be the last ones here. which, i’m always late, but you being late is unheard of.”

you shrugged. “i figured i could be late this one time. i’m early to every other event.”

the two of you walked towards the fan area, smiling as the noise levels increased. you started bouncing on your feet once more, grinning from ear to ear.

there were little girls who gasped when they saw you both. you pointed out a little redhead wearing jess’ jersey and the two of you quickly made your way to her.

sharpies were being pushed in your line of sight, it felt like there were so many people yelling at once. the announcer said your name, followed by jessie’s. little girls were asking for your autographs, social media interns were interviewing sarah nurse and emma maltais, there were random cheers at random intervals.

it was overwhelming.

somewhere along the autograph lines, you lost sight of all the other girls, only realizing when you looked up from yet another jersey and noticed you were standing alone.

an assistant called your name and gestured you down the line to take a few photos. you were on your way when a shoulder hit yours and nearly sent you sprawling on the ground had it not been for a firm grip around your bicep.

you glanced to your left and saw a man with a dazzling smile you knew all too well through the screen of your parents’ tv and your social media.

mat barzal.

“sorry,” he grinned. “didn't see you there.”

you weren't sure how, you two were standing eye to eye, it wasn’t like you were as short as emma, you were pretty tall, even without your heels on.

“oh,” you said. “you're mat.”

he nodded and stuck his hand out to shake before saying your name. you must've looked surprised because he laughed when he dropped his hand from yours and gestured to you. “you play for the sirens, right? goalie?”

you smiled and nodded before an attendant was ushering you down the carpet. you fully expected him to wave bye, but he kept up.

“you watch our games?” you asked.

he nodded again. “went back and watched the shut out you had against montreal. it was impressive, especially going against poulin.”

you beamed under his praise, remembering the amount of times you tapped the goalposts for blocking shots you couldn't or the twelve cherry starbursts you ate before the start of the game like you’d done since you were seven.

the game before, you only had eleven and lost by two goals. you weren't taking any chances anymore.

another attendant rushed you to stand in front of the banner to take your photo. mat caught up with you again after his picture was taken. “it’s nice to meet you,” you started when he was close enough to hear you. “my parents love you.” you blinked. “i mean, i grew up with islanders fans for parents.”

mat’s eyebrows rose, a small smirk on his lips. “really?”

you smiled. “grew up right down the street actually.”

he gave a low whistle. “bet that’s convenient.”

“my dad joked that he was gonna rent out the driveway to lazy tourists.”

mat threw his head back and laughed as the two of you continued down the carpet, stopping to sign autographs along the way. 

“your teammates here yet?” he asked.

“i was definitely like the last one to arrive. jessie eldridge showed up around the same time but i don’t see her...” you noted for the first time that you'd lost her somewhere along the way. “whoops,” you said. “are any of your teammates here? is sorokin?”

“big fan?” mat snickered.

but your mind was already moving on. your eyes widened as you grabbed the sleeve of mat’s suit. “oh my god, is patrick roy gonna be here?”

he shook his head, still grinning like an idiot. “he’s taking the bye week to ignore our phone calls.”

you huffed.

the closer you got to the end of the red carpet, the more you realized you were going to have to leave mat, the handsome stranger who wasn't really much of a stranger considering how much you knew about him already. 

he was starting to get tugged in different metaphorical directions by the fans reaching out for an autograph while it was obvious your popularity was nowhere near his.

“i’ll see you later,” you said.

mat’s brows pulled together. “you're leaving?”

you jabbed a thumb over your shoulder. “gotta catch up with the girls before the game tonight.”

“you feel good about it?”

your fingers twitched against your legs with more excited energy as you backed away from him, a smile on your face as you shook your head. “uh uh, nope. i don't talk about the game before the game, goes against my beliefs.”

mat cackled. “i’ll see you around, good luck!”

you spun on your heel and walked off the carpet. you walked until you saw familiar faces. emma and jess were standing at the end, looking at you and smiling as they talked among themselves.

“when i asked if you were planning on getting laid tonight, i didn't think you were going to go after barzal,” jess laughed.

you shoved her shoulder good naturedly. “we just ran into each other.”

emma snickered and shook her head. “he's hotter than all the other guys you've hooked up with, twitchy. why not give it a shot?”

it was true, you and emma went to ohio state together before being drafted to two separate teams. she was your roadie roommate and often saw the guys you'd swiped right on.

she was also the one who gave you what some might consider the offensive nickname of twitch.

“you keep spazzing out and twitching before games,” she noted.

“i’m practicing my eye and hand movements,” you said before popping a red starburst in your mouth.

you rolled your eyes but a smile was still on your face. “i don't hook up with hockey players.”

“why not? they’d be the perfect match, they'd understand your schedule, the intensity of the game. they could make a great boyfriend...” jess replied.

but you shook your head. “hookups are the only relationship i can commit to right now. i’ve got too much else going on. and hooking up with a hockey player just seems like bad news.”

emma and jess shrugged before you followed the two of them to your seats.

winter olympics - milan

the lack of travelling you did for the all star week was made up when you flew to milan for the winter olympics. it was a beautiful city to be in, no doubt about it. though, by the time you got to your room, you weren't interested in doing anything but collapsing face first into your bed. the six hour time difference and the flight immediately after all star weekend was starting to catch up with you.

safe to say, you felt like death heated up.

you shared a room with alex carpenter, your alternate captain. you loved alex like the older sister you never had, she was the picture perfect roommate.

except you were staring at her sleeping body like a weirdo because you were wide awake. how the hell had she fallen asleep so fast? it felt like your body was still in new york. 

you finally accepted that you weren't going to sleep anytime soon, and instead of scrolling on tiktok and waiting for sleep to hit you in the face (and risk waking alex up), you grabbed your phone, your bag, and headed outside towards the dining hall.

it wasn't too long of a trek, though you were wishing you'd put on more than a pullover and leggings when the wind blew too hard. when you finally made it in the dining hall, your cheeks were both warm from the blood rushing to them, and cold from the wind.

you looked around the large room, for what, you weren't sure. maybe it was for people you knew, or the food options, but you had red starbursts in your bag so you weren't too concerned on the food front. still, you wandered around, looking at the food anyway, just to see if anything piqued your interest.

you'd gotten to the dessert section when a mop of dark brown hair caught your attention. at first, you weren't sure if it was him, so you approached him in a way one might back away from a lion in the safari: slowly. it wasn’t until you saw his jawline and profile that you knew for sure

mat barzal had a stack of cannolis on his plate when you moseyed up next to him.

“i feel like four cannolis at two in the morning is a bit excessive.”

to his credit, mat didn't jump when you spoke. “leave me alone, we burn like thousands of calories doing this shit.” he piled another cannoli on his plate before turning on his heel and searching for what you assumed was a table (and hopefully not more food). “what're you doing up?”

“my brain says it’s only 8pm. i didn't wanna wake alex with my doom scrolling,” you said as you followed him to a table.

mat set his plate down and pulled out his chair, gesturing to the one across from him for you to sit. “jet lag is a bitch,” he said. his head tilted when he saw the bag you placed in the chair next to you. “what’s in the bag?” he asked before taking a bite of one of his cannolis. 

your eyes lit up as you smiled. “glad you asked.” you reached in and pulled out a starburst stick before ripping the top of it off with your teeth. you frowned when a pink one fell out. “dammit,” you grumbled, letting the pink starburst rest on the table. “pink is the worst.”

mat eyed you and the starburst for a moment before reaching for it. he unwrapped the paper and popped it into his mouth.

you did a little dance in your seat when the next starburst was red. it took no time for you to unwrap it and pop it into your mouth much like mat did with the pink one.

mat stared as he took a sip of his water. “is there something i’m missing? bringing a whole ass bag for just one thing of starbursts seems a little excessive.”

“you are correct,” you said, a smug smile on your face as you reached into your bag and pulled out a box. “i’m actually glad i ran into you. i was hoping i’d get to use this while i was here.”

mat blinked. “you brought battleship to the olympics?”

you nodded eagerly. “wanna play?”

mat sighed and shook his head, a smile on his face anyway. “you're so weird.”

maybe it should've hurt your feelings, but you'd been called weird all your life, this was no different. you shrugged. “maybe, but you didn't answer the question.

mat stared for a minute before pushing his plate aside. “no cheating.”

by 3am, you'd beaten mat twice and were on your way to your third win. “a7,” you said.

mat rolled his eyes and groaned. “you're definitely cheating. there’s no fucking way you're not.”

you laughed and fell back into your seat. “how would i cheat, mat?”

“i—i don't fucking know!” he sputtered and pointed an accusatory finger. “but i know you’re doing it! no one is ever this good at this stupid fucking game.”

“i played a lot as a kid,” you said like it was an explanation. “sometimes by myself.”

“how the hell did you play with yourself?”

you snickered, the joke was coming out of your mouth before you could stop it. “vibrators exist, you know.”

mat looked at you like you'd grown another head before bursting into laughter. “i fucking hate you,” he managed to squeeze out between wheezes. “you win.”

you giggled a little at his reaction, preening at the attention. “what do i get for winning?

mat slid the plate across the table to you. “pick a cannoli, any cannoli.”

you looked at the cream filled pastry, the way most of the cream had cooled to room temp and lost its volume, looking rather melted and unappealing. you twisted your face into a look of disgust. “i beat your ass three times and all i get is melted cannoli?

mat rolled his eyes, though the small smile on his lips betrayed his fake annoyance. “what do you want?”

you thought about it, thought back to the last few weeks, and what the next two weeks would look like. “you have to peel my oranges for the rest of the olympics.”

“...that's not a euphemism, is it?”

you cracked a smile. “no, i don't hook up with hockey players. my dad would peel my oranges because i hate the way the peel feels under my nails and oranges are my favorite fruit so it poses quite the problem.”

“so whenever i see you with an orange, i’ll peel it for you?”

you nodded.

he nodded and stuck his hand out. “you've got yourself a deal.”

you didn't see mat until two days later when you ran into him at the figure skating pairs event. well, “ran into” might be a bit dramatic. in reality, you were sitting in the stands with alex and emma when an unfamiliar (yet growing more familiar) body plopped down next to you.

before you could even react, a peeled orange in a ziploc bag appeared in your line of sight. “want it?” mat asked.

your eyes lit up when you saw it, your hands immediately reached out for the bag. “oh my god, i’m starving.” you did your best to not snatch the bag from his hands in your hunger, but you shoved three pieces in your mouth almost immediately after opening the bag.

mat cackled. “were you hungry?”

“starving,” you said through a mouthful of fruit.

emma laughed from her spot next to you. “oh my god. did anyone ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?”

you shrugged. “i don't know, men are usually too busy getting the best head of their life to complain.”

alex choked while emma threw her head back laughing. mat froze next to you. 

“you’re insane, twitch,” emma managed to say between laughs. “absolutely batshit.”

but you shrugged and kept eating your oranges.

“twitch?” mat said after a moment. “who’s twitch?”

you raised your hand like you were sitting at a desk at school. “that’s me,” you said after swallowing more oranges.

mat blinked. “why?”

emma piped in. “in college, she would look like she was twitching—”

“—i was practicing my hand and eye movements—”

“—in college?” alex interrupted. “she still does it.”

“and hence the name twitch was born,” emma concluded.

you rolled your eyes and looked at mat. “they're exaggerating.”

he only smiled and shrugged. “more creative than our nicknames.”

“well, the bar’s in hell then,” you said.

“barzy! we gotta go!” all four of you looked over and saw bo horvat standing at the end of the aisle, gesturing for mat to get up.

mat, to his credit, looked a little sorry to leave, even as he stood up. “i’ll see you around, twitch,” he said.

your friends, to their credit, waited until he was out of sight to start elbowing and shoving you around. 

“he brought you a peeled orange? how did he even know to do that?” emma pestered.

once again, you rolled your eyes. “it was my reward when i beat him in battleship.”

“battleship? when did you have time to play that?” alex asked.

“the other night when i couldn't fall asleep.”

“are you gonna hook up with him?” emma bounced in her seat, her blonde hair falling around her face.

“i don't hook up with hockey players,” you said. “too close to home. besides, there are plenty of men to sleep with while i’m here.”

you found yourself making out with (and fucking) a french snowboarder before the night was over. he wasn't bad, he used a lot of tongue, that was certain. which begged the question: was it a french kiss in france? or was it just a kiss? you'd never know, you forgot to ask him.

alex was getting in bed by the time you got back to the room, your hair mussed and lips swollen. “eventful night?” she asked.

you shrugged and changed into your pajamas. “you could say that.”

“how was he?”

“sloppy kisser. how’s steph?” you asked.

a smile you could only describe as soft graced alex’s lips. “great, we spoke an hour ago. she told me to tell you good luck.”

“she’s so sweet.” you groaned as you fell back into your bed. “none of the guys i’ve been with have ever been that nice.”

the room was silent, yet so loud. “twitchy,” alex started. “they're hook ups, not boyfriends.”

you sat up in bed and looked at alex. “what do you mean?”

“hook ups have no emotional investment, twitch. why would they care if you did well or not?” she asked. and the truth stung a little, you weren't going to lie about that. after a beat of silence, she continued. “could it be possible the hook ups aren't enough anymore?”

you shrugged and fell against the bed. “i don’t know,” you groaned. “it’s not even like the sex is good anymore. i mean, it’s not bad, but it’s like i have to give a beginner’s lesson every time.”

“that is a benefit of a committed relationship. you're not starting over every time you have sex.”

you turned your head and saw how alex was scrolling on your phone. you weren't sure how she could do it when you were having a slight crisis. “but i don't know that i have time for a boyfriend and hockey. how the hell am i supposed to manage that?”

alex turned to look at you. “if he wants to be with you, and if you want to be with him, you both will find a way to make it work. but you have to get over this fear of commitment for it to work.”

you turned back to look at the ceiling and said nothing.

alex fell asleep shortly after your conversation ended like she didn't just wreck your worldview. and like a few nights ago, you got up and went to the dining hall, except this time without battleship or your bag of starbursts.

you should've been surprised when you saw mat again, but instead of focusing on why he was stuffing his face with cannoli, you just plopped into the chair across from him.

“do you ever wanna settle down?”

mat coughed and choked on a cannoli. “w—what? with you?”

you rolled your eyes. “no, just in general. aren't most of your teammates married? do you ever want that?”

he swallowed and nodded, taking a sip of water before speaking. “i mean yeah, eventually. why?”

you fell back into your chair and sighed. “i feel like my friends expect me to grow up at some point. i mean i’m almost thirty, shouldn't i be committed to someone by now?”

he shrugged. “i don't know, should you?”

“don't your teammates ask you about that?”

“i don't know, maybe. but i just ignore them.”

“you do?”

“...no. okay? no. it gets to me too. but it is what it is. i can’t manage hockey and—”

“—dating, right?”

he nodded.

“what if we made a deal?”

“a deal?” he leaned in. “i’m listening.”

“you and i, we both want to stop being single, right?”

“right.”

“but we’re athletes, we’re competitive. so what if we made this a competition?”

mat took a bite of cannoli. “so what’re you thinking?”

“first person to fall in love wins. we try dating around and finding our people but the first person to fall in love wins.”

mat’s eyes widened. “just like that? we’re going from an inability to commit to falling in love?”

you nodded eagerly. “it’s like exposure therapy! grabbing the bulls by the horns.” you inhaled. 

“what does the winner get?”

you hummed. “a favor that can be cashed in at any time.” he nodded, looking lost in thought. “so what do you think? are you in?” you stuck your hand out, ready for him to shake it, but anticipating that he won't.

a moment passed. mat ran a hand down his face. “god i must be desperate,” he mumbled before he shook your hand. “i’m in.”

guy one: paul

you were soaked in sweat and your lungs were burning. with the water bottle attached to the back of the goal, you sprayed yourself in the face, the cold liquid doing wonders to cool you off.

you skated off the ice and towards the locker rooms. you shucked your jersey and chest protector off almost immediately.

“you in a rush, twitchy?” jess said from her locker across the room. “hot date?”

“maybe,” you replied.

truth be told, yes. you were meeting this guy named paul that you met on hinge. he seemed nice enough. granted, the bar was in hell. “nice enough” was the result of him not sending you a dick pick within the first three texts. he had yet to send an inappropriate text or photo, which gave you a little bit of hope.

so when you looked at your phone, you expected to see a message from him. but it was mat’s name on your home screen.

mat barzal: what time is your date tonight?

after that night in the dining hall, you and mat exchanged numbers. it was his idea, saying it’d be better if the two of you didn't leave meeting up to chance anymore. you'd hardly call meeting at two work events “chance” but you weren't going to protest.

you: 7, why?

you continued undressing until you were just in a pair of spandex shorts and a sirens shirt.

mat barzal: just curious. 

mat barzal: you ready to hang it up?

you: hang what up?

mat barzal: your hoe stage. may she rest in peace.

a snort came out before you could even think to stop it.

you: i’ll hang mine up if you do the same.

mat barzal: i thought that was the deal.

you liked the message and locked your phone.

jess slid into the spot next to you and tried to peer over your shoulder. “what’re your plans for tonight?”

you shrugged and began untying your skates. “hinge date.”

her eyes widened as she smirked. “ooo with who? the mystery man you were texting?”

you rolled your eyes. “no, that was just barzal.”

it was almost like someone had used a clorox wipe on jess’ face, because any trace of her smugness was gone in a flash. “barzal? barzal who? barzal as in mat barzal of the new york islanders?”

you blinked. “yep.”

her jaw dropped. “when did you get his number? is he the one you're going on a date with?”

as if the word “date” was a beacon in the night, every single one of your teammates’ heads turned your way. “you have a date tonight, twitchy?” ella shelton asked. “who is it?”

“mat barzal!” jess replied quicker than you could.

it was silent for just a moment before a million questions were fired your way. since when were you dating him? how did you two meet? when was your first date? is this your first date? why didn't you tell us?

“we’re not dating,” you said over the noise.

“then why is he texting you?” ella asked.

“because we made a bet.” the girls leaned in. “whoever falls in love first, and by proxy gets someone else to fall in love with them, wins.”

alex carpenter blinked. “why?”

you blinked back. “why what?”

“why make it a competition? i thought you weren't interested in dating?”

you glanced around the room, most of your teammates were in committed long term relationships with someone and those who weren't had just gotten out of one. then there was you, and maybe one or two other stragglers left to go bar hopping with the potential of taking someone home.

sleeping around was fun, but maybe you were ready for someone to understand you, to not laugh when you say you love sleeping in socks. you were tired of falling asleep with cold feet anytime you wanted the other side of your bed warm.

but how could you say that? a post practice gossip session was not really the place you wanted to lay your heart bare.

“maybe i just wanted some consistency.” you gestured to alex. “i mean, i see steph at nearly every game. it would be nice to have someone show up for me other than my parents.”

the mass interrogation dispersed not long after that confession, with you heading off to the showers before heading home to your one bedroom jersey apartment. to pass time, you took a nap while watching gilmore girls.

you met paul at the chipotle not too far from prudential. he suggested it and though you'd had chipotle plenty of times that week, you agreed because it was easy enough.

you filled your bowl with your usual and watched as he only got chicken and white rice. part of you tried to brush it off by thinking maybe he had food allergies, but why would he suggest a place where he couldn't eat most of anything on the menu?

he picked a table in the middle of the restaurant, which was also odd, but you went along with it. he was already seated and mixing his dry ass bowl together by the time you made it to the table with your drink.

it was weird, you'd admit. it wasn't like you expected him to pull your chair out for you, but you did at least expect him to wait until you sat down to start eating. maybe his family was different than yours.

“so,” you started as you mixed your bowl with your fork. “what do you like to do for fun?”

god you were horrible at this.

he shrugged and stuffed his mouth full of rice and chicken. “i’ve been reading rich dad poor dad.”

oh god. he was even worse at this than you were.

okay, okay, maybe this date could still be saved. “so you like to read?”

paul shrugged again. “sometimes.”

you blinked and took a bite of your burrito bowl while you waited for him to ask you a question.

he kept munching on his chicken and rice.

“so,” you started. “do you have any hobbies?”

“running.”

more silence.

“what do you do for work?”

“i’m an accountant.”

you stabbed your bowl with a little fierceness, but tried to taper your frustration. “i play in the pwhl.”

you waited and watched, hoping if he didn't understand what you did, that he'd at least try to act interested. but he just kept eating.

“have you ever run a marathon?” you asked.

“no.”

the date continued on like that, your questions answered followed by painful silences that served to exacerbate how one sided the whole experience was. at the end, he stood up to throw his things away without saying a word. you followed, because you were ready to say goodbye and end the disaster you were ashamed to call a date (god you can’t believe you shaved for this).

the two of you stood on the sidewalk, letting people move around you.

“we should do this again. this was fun,” he said.

and without even thinking about it, you said, “was it?”

paul blinked. “why wouldn't it have been?”

you laughed until you saw he didn't join in. “oh,” you stopped, “you're serious.”

paul just stared like nothing had happened. before meeting him, you weren't sure what a blank stare looked like, but after seeing it on his face, you could safely say the lights were on but no one was home.

“paul, you didn't ask me a single question, the only reason we didn't sit in silence was because of me.”

he blinked like he was getting paid to do it. honestly, at that point in the night, it seemed to be the only thing he did.

“you have nothing to say?” when he didn't respond fast enough, you rolled your eyes. “bye paul.”

before you could stop yourself, you started the drive to elmont to see your parents. you could go back to your apartment tomorrow, but you really needed to touch grass after that date, even if it was the small yard behind your parents’ house.

you were at a stoplight five minutes from your parents’ home when your phone rang.

mat barzal.

you squinted at your phone but picked up anyway. “hello?”

“hey! are you currently at a stoplight?”

that was an odd coincidence. “yeah?”

“about two blocks from ubs?”

“...yeah.”

“okay cool, i see you.”

you look around alarmed until you saw a hand waving in the car next to you. you couldn't help the smile on your lips when you saw him sitting in the car to your left. his phone pressed to his ear with one hand, his other waving at you. “what the fuck are you doing out and about?”

mat jabbed his thumb over his shoulder, like he was pointing at ubs’ general direction. “just had a game. you? i didn't think you lived on the island.”

“visiting my parents. i need to touch grass, my date was rough.”

mat grimaced.

the light turned green and you half expected him to hang up, but he kept the call going. “what happened?”

“i would’ve rather watched paint dry than relive that date again. he was the most boring person i think i’ve ever met. i asked him questions and he'd give me one or two word answers and then wouldn't ask me anything. and then at the end of the night, he said we should go out again because it was ‘fun.’ and then he had the audacity to be surprised when i told him it wasn't!”

“how boring could he possibly have been?”

you groaned. “his order at chipotle was white rice and chicken.”

“and what else?” mat asked.

“that’s it. that’s the only thing he ordered.”

“oh my god.”

“and he reads fucking rich dad poor dad for fun i guess. and he likes to go running. he’s also an accountant, but don't ask me for any more information because i think he’s allergic to details.”

mat cackled through the phone. “what was his name again?”

“paul.”

“hate to break it to ya, twitch. with a name like paul, you really should've expected it.”

before you could stop it, a laugh bubbled out of your chest. “that’s super judgmental.”

“and maybe if you were as judgy as me, you wouldn't have gone on a date with the human equivalent of wet cement.”

you turned your blinker on and got into the turning lane for your parents’ neighborhood. “not all of us can be as discerning as you.”

“hey, if you wanna run your hinge matches by me next time, i’ll gladly provide my expertise, free of charge.”

“i’ll keep that in mind for next time, barzy. thanks for listening to me bitch.”

the smile on his face was audible when he spoke to you. “anytime, twitch, anytime.”

guy two: nathan

the second date only happened after an extensive vetting process, aka sending screenshots and screen recordings of hinge profiles to mat and jess (in separate threads of course. there was no way you were starting a group chat with the both of them).

jess had been more forgiving than mat had, which surprised you. she pointed out her fair share of red flags, but it was nothing compared to mat’s.

mat met you outside sweetgreen where you went inside to collect your mobile orders. to his credit, he did have a beanie (for once, it wasn’t islanders related) and sunglasses on in a sorry attempt to not be spotted. it was clear the attempt didn’t work because there were two kids asking for autographs when you came out.

you stayed back far enough where it wasn’t obvious you were with him and waited for the kids to leave with their parents.

“i swear i’m not trying to attract attention,” he mumbled to you when the coast was clear. 

you handed him his order and rolled your eyes. “you're one of the most recognizable faces on long island, and you thought a beanie and sunglasses would save you?”

he shrugged before popping a pickle chip in his mouth and started walking down the sidewalk. “do you have any updated matches you wanna show me?”

without even responding, you handed mat your unlocked phone.

“oh immediately no,” mat said, looking at some guy named jonathan.

“what's wrong with him?” you asked, peering over his shoulder.

mat flashed your phone at you for a brief second. “he has a neck beard!

you grabbed your phone and looked at the photos again. huh, you hadn't noticed that before. “he can shave it!”

it was mat’s turn to roll his eyes. “he posted that picture because he thought he looked good in it, he's not shaving that fuckass beard.” he continued swiping through your matches and scoffed at most of them.

“this one has too many group photos, and i guarantee you, he's not the guy you think he is.”

two minutes later, mat scoffed and said fishing photos were a bad sign.

“it’s just fishing.”

but mat shook his head and offered no explanation. “didn't your friends tell you these things?”

“jess and ella were looking at the answers and content more than photos, i think they’re concerned about my safety.”

“and neckbeard passed the test?” mat’s eyebrows practically raised into his hairline. “twitch you are way too hot to be dating neckbeards and men whose only personality is fishing.”

“how is that fair to them? my only personality is hockey!”

you stumbled over the uneven sidewalk before mat’s hand steadied you by your elbow.

“try to stay on your feet, twitch.”

you stopped walking long enough to give him a look of disbelief. “i know you're not talking to me about staying on my feet. you fall down like four times each period.”

part of you expected mat to get defensive, but he smirked instead. “aw, you watch my games?”

you glowered and kept walking.

that was two days ago. you were currently getting ready to go on a date with nathan who had (somehow) managed to be approved by your board of trustees as mat called them. ella, jess, and mat couldn't seem to agree on anyone collectively until you matched with nathan.

he graduated from penn state law before he moved back to new york. he was the oldest of three boys and had played football since he was a kid. he doesn't play anymore now, you figured, but still got together with his friends at least once a month to play in prospect park.

it seemed like a good fit. ella pointed out how having friends was a good sign. jess said that he seemed to be passionate about his line of work and lighthearted. and judging by the dms you’d been sending each other, nathan was also way more charismatic and entertaining than paul, which was a win.

you met him at a coffee shop in manhattan, he didn't pull your chair out but he did stand when you walked over with your coffee in hand. which was fine, you weren’t old fashioned or anything, it was more than paul had done.

“hey,” he greeted with a thousand watt smile.

dear god, he was handsome.

it’s okay, you told yourself, you had marie philip-poulin shoot pucks at you a million times before, and she was way scarier than any man.

“hi,” you smiled back.

the two of you took your seats.

“hi,” he said again. “you look great!”

“you do too, handsome, i mean.”

he nodded and took a sip of his coffee. “what did you order?”

“mocha frappe,” you smiled. his face pinched in a small frown before it was covered up with yet another smile. “what about you?”

“americano,” he said. “i like it bitter.” he took a sip. “so i saw you're a fan of hockey, what’s your team?”

“oh, i’m actually a professional hockey player,” you gently corrected. “so, my go to team is the new york sirens, but if we’re talking nhl, my parents are huge islanders fans so i’ve been pulling for them as long as i can remember.”

his eyes lit up. “oh cool! i didn’t know you were a professional hockey player, i wasn’t aware they had a league for women now.”

“yeah! the inaugural season was last year, but we didn’t have official team names until this year.” you took a sip of your frappe. “what about you? do you follow the nfl closely? i know your profile said you played football.”

he smiled sheepishly. “unfortunately, i’ve been a jets fan since birth.”

you grimaced. “yikes...”

“take pity on me, i’ve been through a lot, my trust is damaged.”

you snorted before you could even think to stop yourself. your eyes widened as you made eye contact with nathan whose shocked face did nothing for your confidence. an apology was about to come out of your mouth before he changed the topic and pretended like nothing happened.

the rest of the date went so well, you exchanged numbers at the end of the afternoon. it was a little odd when you saw his phone, it looked older than you thought it should’ve, but maybe he was an old soul and didn't want the newest iphone just because he could have it.

on the second date, a week later, you met up on your side of the hudson. you were fresh from practice while nathan took his lunch break to see you.

his phone kept buzzing on the table, but he brushed them off as work emails, which made sense. he was a lawyer, he probably had hundreds of emails to answer on a regular basis. when his phone started ringing, he held it kind of awkwardly in a way where you couldn't see who was calling. he held a finger up at you and excused himself from the table. 

you watched as he paced up and down the sidewalk, confused as to why he was so agitated. sure, you hadn’t known nathan long, but he didn't seem to be the type to frustrate easily.

your own phone vibrated on the table, and since nathan was on a phone call, you checked it.

mat barzal: when are you free next? i have raya matches and i need a girl’s perspective.

you: don't you have teammates?

mat barzal: they’re all practically married.

you: i’m failing to see the disqualifications

mat barzal: they’re all dudes, they don't know what they're talking about

you: and i do?

mat barzal: you’re a girl, aren't you?

you: i’m not even going to dignify that with a response

mat barzal: photo attachment

when you opened the text, it was a picture of what you assumed was child mat in hockey gear. 

mat barzal: would you say no to this face?

you: i’m on a date, but when it ends, i’ll call you.

mat barzal: :)

nathan came back in, looking more flushed than usual. “everything okay?” you asked.

“huh? oh, yeah, just a work thing.”

you blinked. “seemed a bit intense for work...”

he shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich. “it’s just a lawyer thing.”

the lunch continued for another twenty minutes before he rushed off saying he had to get back to work. he pressed a sweet but brief kiss to your lips and promised to call you.

there was no reason to not believe him.

as you walked out of the restaurant, you pulled up mat’s contact and called him. he picked up on the second ring.

“hey! are you free?” he asked.

“just left my date.”

“oh...sorry, did i interrupt?”

you smiled despite yourself at the slight apologetic tone in his voice. “no barzy, you did not, he had to go back to work.”

“oh...so you’re free? right now?”

“yep, just headed back to my apartment. do you wanna come over?”

“yeah, just send me your address.”

an hour later, you were buzzing mat up to your apartment. he immediately started scrutinizing the space. it wasn't much, probably nothing like he was used to considering the giant salary gap between the two of you, but it was lived in. your grandmother’s quilt lay across the back of the couch you saved for. you'd thrifted the floor lamp and the rug (and the money you saved on it went to getting it professionally cleaned). on the coffee table was a candy jar full of only red starburst, the others were in a gallon sized ziploc bag in your pantry.

“cozy,” mat said.

“i know it’s not much—”

“do you like living here?” he asked.

you nodded.

“that’s what matters. that it feels like home.” he pulled his phone out and pulled up raya. “can you help me with this? the guys keep mentioning wife material and telling me i’m not gonna meet a wife on a dating app.”

you rolled your eyes. “your teammates have also been dating their wives since high school so i wouldn't take everything they say so seriously.” your thumbs began scrolling through his matches, taking mental notes of the girls flying across the screen. “not this girl,” you said, showing him a picture of a red head.

mat’s eyes widened. ”what? why? she volunteers at the animal shelter!”

“taking a picture at the animal shelter and volunteering at the animal shelter are two different things. besides, it’s the fact that all her group photos are with guys, not a single girl spotted.”

“so? she says she's one of the guys.”

“and in girl words, that means she’s dealing with a lot of internalized misogyny and might be a pick me. she’d probably see any woman in your life as a threat.”

“huh.”

“and this girl,” you showed him another one of your matches. “she seems nice, but if you look in the background of one of her photos, there’s a rangers jersey on the floor.”

mat physically recoiled like you'd just slapped him.

“but the other girls seem fine, especially this grace girl, she seems cool.”

“thanks, twitch,” mat said reaching for his phone.

you picked yours off the coffee table and plopped down on the couch. “wanna watch a movie?”

mat nodded and watched as you put on the mighty ducks. sure it was a bit on the nose and the two of you had already been submerged enough in hockey culture, but you were ready to turn your brain off and just be a kid again. besides, the two of you would probably end up scrolling on your phones most of the time anyway.

you opened instagram and saw a dm notification from an account you didn't follow. hesitantly, you clicked on the message and promptly felt you stomach drop to your ankles.

hey girl, the message started. the guy you’ve been seeing, nathan, is my fiancé, we’ve been dating since high school. i would really appreciate if you ended things with him.

“oh my god,” you mumbled.

“what? have you never seen this movie before? it always starts like this,” mat laughed. his laugh stopped short when you showed him the message. “shit.”

“yeah,” you said. “shit.”

mat’s girl one: lauren

the final buzzer sounded, signifying the end of the game, a 4-2 win over toronto at prudential. alex skated over to you first, wrapping you in a hug and patting your helmet. “good job, twitchy,” she smiled. your other teammates followed suit.

jess was last, embracing you as tightly as she could with both of your pads in the way. she skated alongside you back to the locker room. while you loved being one of the three stars of the game, you were glad you weren't chosen that night because nothing sounded better than showering and going home.

after the game debrief in the locker room, you rushed to the showers to scrub the layers of sweat off your body. only when you felt human again, did you get dressed into your sirens sweatsuit. sure, maybe you should've put your cute outfit on again, but you could already feel how exhausted your body was and couldn't imagine putting on an underwire bra and real pants after the game you just had.

on your way to your car, you checked your phone for the first time since getting to the arena. your mom and dad were the first texts you saw, both apologizing for not being able to make the game tonight and inviting you over to dinner the next night.

the most recent text was from emma maltais who told you to let her score next time just because you used to be on the same team in college. after all, weren’t you both forever buckeyes?

but it was the fourteen texts from mat that caught your eye. they all ranged in length with most of them being short exclamations and questions. the last text just read:

mat barzal: can you call me asap? i think i’m losing my mind.

as soon as you got in your car, you called him.

he picked up on the second ring.

“do i need to go to college?” he asked immediately.

what. the fuck.

“huh?” was the only intelligent response you could give him.

“do i need to go to college?”

“mat, what the fuck are you talking about?”

a loud sigh echoed through your phone as you pulled out of the parking lot. “you know how i went on a date tonight?”

“yeah, with that lauren girl, right?”

“mhm, have you read any of the texts i sent you? i feel like that would make more sense.”

“i’m driving right now, i just saw your text asking me to call you, i hadn't had time to go through the rest of them. why? what happened? was she secretly a serial killer?”

“what? no! she said hockey is barbaric and started quoting cte statistics to me.”

“what the fuck? who does she think she is?”

“she’s about to graduate from med school.”

“and she was on raya?”

“...she has a following on tiktok doing ‘days in the life of a med student.’”

if you weren't driving, you would've face palmed. “and she was telling you about how unsustainable a hockey career is?”

“she said i’d retire at thirty-five and probably have a mid life crisis that would be exacerbated by head injuries and how rough i’ve been on my body so it’s probably best that i look at going to college to find a real job.”

“oh my god—”

“so should i go to college?”

you sighed as you pulled up to a stoplight. “mat, how long have you known this girl?”

“...um, a week?”

“you're gonna let a stranger convince you to spend money on a degree you probably won't use? you get chirped a thousand times a night and yet you're not contemplating quitting the game just because someone you've played against for years says you suck.”

he paused, the only sound on the other side of the phone was his breathing. “okay okay, you're right. god i don't know why i freaked like that.”

“i don't either, you don't know this girl, you don't owe her anything.”

“what’re you doing tomorrow?” he asked, suddenly changing the subject. “do you wanna come to my game? i’ll get you a ticket.”

“i’m getting dinner with my parents tomorrow—”

“your parents can come! i’ll get the tickets for all three of you, if you think they’d be interested.”

if they’d be interested? what a joke! your mom and dad had been isles fans as long as you'd remembered. when you were growing up, your dad said you should play for the isles if they weren't going to make a women’s league.

“first woman to play on an nhl team would be quite the honor, don't you think squirt?”

“i’m sure they would love to be there, mat. thank you.”

you could hear his grin through the phone and imagined seeing his eyes squint from his big smile.

“i’ll send you the tickets.”

you woke up the next morning with a text from mat with the tickets enclosed; you shot back a quick thank you, and that you'd see him later.

when you called your parents the night before and gave them the news, they were ecstatic, asking a million questions about how you knew mat barzal, why he was giving you tickets, why you hadn't told them you knew him earlier. you'd told them you'd drive to their house after morning skate and you could walk to ubs together.

more than anything, you were excited to see sidney crosby playing up close. mat had gotten decent tickets after checking to see how close to the ice you'd want to be. he even told you to meet him at ubs before heading to your parents so you could get the family passes to come to the locker rooms after the game. you weren't sure why he was being so nice, but you weren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

you waited in the parking lot of ubs, leaning against the driver side door when mat sped into the lot and parked, rather chaotically, two spaces away.

he hopped out in his game day suit with mostly dry hair and three passes in hand.

“hey,” he smiled. and if nathan’s grin was a thousand watts, mat’s could power the entire island alone. “here are the passes.”

you took them from his hand with a matching grin. “thanks, mat.”

he shrugged like it was no big deal. “no problem. you got the tickets, right?”

you nodded. “they’re in my phone.

“great! i’ll see you later then?”

“try not to fall down this time, barzal.”

“no promises,” he said. “is that what you're wearing to the game?”

you glanced down at the black sweatshirt, jeans, and black and white dunks. “is this not fashion forward enough for you?”

“i don’t know, black’s not really an isles color...” he teased. “if you need any gear, i’m sure i can find a jersey—”

“i’m sure my dad has a t-shirt i can wear if it would really mean that much to you.”

mat slapped a hand over his heart. “would you do me the honor of not wearing the colors of the team i’m playing against? i would really appreciate it.”

“you’re so dramatic.”

“only for you, twitch.”

you laughed and shook your head. there was a moment where it looked like mat lit up at the sound of your laughter, but you were probably reading into things.

“i’ll see you after the game?”

he nodded. “see you then.”

you left him in the parking lot and headed down the street to your parents’ house. to no one’s surprise, they were both fully dressed and ready to go to the game that didn’t start for another four hours.

“how do you know mat barzal, sweetheart?” your mom asked as soon as you got settled on the couch. “i don't think you ever really explained it.”

“we met on the all star red carpet fan event. i was late, he was early.”

your dad cocked an eyebrow. “and he gave you tickets to a game after one interaction?”

you shook your head. “we ran into each other at the olympics, started talking more after that.”

“well, i think it’s very nice of him to invite us to his game tonight,” your mom replied, but there was a tone in her voice that had you looking at her suspiciously. 

“you're not dating him are you?” your dad asked flat out.

you choked on your own spit, hacking and coughing until you felt like you could breathe again. “what?! no! we’re just friends.”

“hm.” your parents hummed in unison.

it used to unnerve you how many times your parents did things in sync. walking, talking, humming together, they did it all. but they’d been married for thirty years, maybe it would've been odder if they weren't so in tune with each other.

the three of you watched a rerun of ncis before you started walking to ubs together. the walk was only twenty minutes, but the wind was brutal that evening. by the time you made it in the arena, you couldn't feel your face.

you made your way down to your seats and watched as the kids gathered in the space in front of you. mat wasn't fooling around, they were great seats, right behind the bench, across from the penalty box.

the area had cleared out mostly by the time the game started, leaving you and your parents to freak out about being so close to one of your childhood heroes, patrick roy.

god, you'd have to see if mat would let you meet him.

the game itself was an ugly one, ending in a win for the islanders, but it didn't really feel like one. it didn't take you playing hockey your whole life to know that there were penalty kills that should've never happened, sloppiness on both teams. hell, you probably didn't even have to be anything more than a fan to realize that.

nonetheless, you and your parents made your way down to the locker rooms where you saw a crowd of blonde women and their children. you could feel their eyes on you, but it didn't feel judgmental, just curious if anything.

there was no telling how long you waited before players started coming out of the locker room and greeting their partners. you recognized them all, but had never met any of them but mat, so you kept to yourself and your parents, looking up occasionally to look for mat.

when he finally walked out, you called his name and waved, cheesing like you did for your kindergarten school photos. in real time, you watched his face light up as he walked over to you.

“great game,” your dad greeted.

mat immediately stepped up and stuck out his hand to greet your father. “thanks, sir. it’s nice to meet you, i’m mat.” he looked at your mom. “and you must be twitch’s sister.”

on cue, you could’ve sworn your mother swooned. you rolled your eyes.

what a charmer.

you watched with a smile as your dad and mat talked about the game. your dad, while quite knowledgeable, was sensitive enough to not mention the multitude of mistakes made that night.

“we definitely need to clean up a little during practice this week,” mat started. “i think roy is gonna address it...”

you couldn't hear another word after he said patrick roy’s name, like you suddenly remembered mat was being coached by your childhood hero. you tugged on mat’s arm like a child asking for another cookie.

“mat,” you started. he immediately turned to look at you, his brows pulled together in confusion. “can i meet coach roy? please?”

“oh lord,” your mother said. “you’ve started it now, mat.”

“squirt, he's probably busy, mat’s already been kind enough to invite us—”

mat glanced over his shoulder to the locker room, then looked around the hallway, like he was taking attendance. “you wanna meet him?”

you nodded emphatically, bouncing on your feet.

mat placed a hand on your back. “i’ll introduce you.”

your parents eyed mat’s hand but said nothing. you were too busy hearing the rush of blood in your head to fixate on it. “squirt, we’ll meet you at the house, you too mat! join us for dinner if you’re not too tired!” they turned on their heels and headed out of the tunnel towards the exit.

mat led you towards the locker room, but made you wait outside while he glanced around to make sure there were no naked men inside. when the coast was clear, he gestured you to come inside.

you were practically skipping into the room.

patrick roy stood by one of the lockers talking to anders lee when you entered the locker room. your jaw dropped at being so close to the man whose film you watched over and over again on youtube.

“don’t be weird,” mat mumbled. “he's just a guy.”

“you shut the fuck up,” you mumbled in reply. “he’s patrick fucking roy.”

as soon as anders finished talking to roy, he started towards the exit, nodding at you (albeit a little confused) and clapped mat on the shoulder.

the hand on your back pushed you forward until you were just a few feet away from mat’s coach.

“barzy? what’s up?” patrick roy asked before his eyes landed on you.

mat pushed you forward a little more. “coach, this is twitch, she’s the goalie for the new york sirens.”

“you're literally my hero,” you blurted out. “you made me wanna be a goalie.”

to your relief, he smiled and stuck his hand out. “it’s nice to meet you, how’s the season looking so far for the sirens?”

“not too bad, we could definitely be doing better.”

“sounds familiar.” roy’s eyes cut to mat in a sarcastic way.

“well, you met him, we gotta go, though,” mat said, already leading you away from his coach. “don't wanna keep your parents waiting.”

roy’s eyes twinkled and his lips slid into a smirk, like he knew something you didn't. “it was nice to meet you, twitch.”

“you too!”

the hallway was mostly empty when you and mat exited the locker room. you glanced up at him and smiled. “oh my god thank you! i don't think anything will live up to this moment.”

he shrugged like he didn't just do the biggest favor for you. “don't worry about it.”

“do you think i could meet sorokin next time?”

mat guffawed and lightly shoved you. “don't get ahead of yourself, that would require you to come to another game.”

“deal.”

the two of you walked towards the parking lot mat parked in. “i’ll drive you home,” he said.

“you really don't have to come for dinner, i know you’re probably tired.”

he scoffed. “and miss out on the chance to get a home cooked meal and look at your baby pictures? never.”

“you're not gonna see my baby pictures.”

“i'm sure your mom would pull them out if i asked nicely.”

you shook your head. “nope. nope. nope. invitation rescinded. you can't come over.”

“not your house, you can’t rescind an invitation you didn't give.”

you groaned. “this isn’t fair, it’s not like i can go to your childhood home and look at baby mat pictures.”

he shrugged and opened the passenger door of his car for you. “you can always visit during the summer.”

you thought about it. “summer in vancouver doesn't sound bad...”

he smiled and shut the door behind you before walking around the front of the car to get in the driver’s seat. “just let me know, i’m sure my mom would be happy to have you. she’s always happy to host my friends.” he pulled his phone out. “can you put your parents’s address in?”

you typed in their address and handed the phone back to him while you picked at the dirt under your nails. mat pulled out onto the turnpike and down a few side streets until you were pulling up to the house.

“i’m sorry your date didn't work out.”

mat turned towards you. “huh?”

“your date,” you explained. “with lauren.”

“oh,” he said. “it’s fine. tonight made up for it.”

it took your mom no time at all to sell you down the river (read: pull out the photo albums). as soon as dinner was over, mat asked, and your mom immediately went and grabbed the albums without hesitating.

mat was all too giddy to see your photos, he was nearly bouncing in his seat when your mom came down the stairs, armed with blackmail material. 

“this was when she was six months old,” your mom started, pointing at different photos. when mat cackled and smirked at you, you knew he'd found the bathtub pictures.

a few pages later and mat’s eyes went wide as saucers as he looked in your direction. “why’re you dressed as an amish woman?” he cackled.

your dad smiled. “she went through an amish hyperfixation after we went to pennsylvania and saw an amish family riding in a horse and buggy.”

mat pulled out his phone and snapped a few photos, snickering to himself all the while. “this is so cute,” he said, pointing at a photo he wouldn't let you see.

your dad continued. “she even asked us to have candlelight dinner for her birthday because the amish don’t have electricity.”

mat couldn't stop laughing.

you shrugged, not even the slightest bit embarrassed. everyone had their weird fixations, yours happened to be the amish. “i tried wearing the dress with my goalie gear and cried when i couldn't,” you said.

mat continued to scrutinize the photos, flipping pages as he smiled. “you were so cute.”

for some odd reason, heat flooded your cheeks. but you brushed it off as a side effect of the glass of wine you had with dinner.

it was nearing 1am when mat finally said goodbye. you walked him out, not noticing the smug look on your parents’ faces.

“thank you for letting me crash your dinner tonight,” mat said, leaning against his car. “it was nice. your parents are great.”

you shook your head and smiled. “thanks for the tickets and the passes. the game was really fun, and i know mom and dad appreciated it.”

a cold wind blew that made a shiver run down your spine. mat took a step closer, then a step back, like he thought better of it.

“when’s your next date?” mat asked.

“not sure,” you said, scuffing the ground with your shoe. “haven't found anyone yet. you?”

he shook his head. “trying to focus on getting to the playoffs, can’t afford any distractions.”

you nodded emphatically. though his playoff run started before yours did, the urgency was still the same.

“let me know if you wanna come to another game,” he said.

before you could stop yourself, you were already shaking your head. “mat you don't have to—”

he held up a hand to quiet you. “you can make it up to me by giving me tickets to see you play.”

you smiled and couldn't stop. even as he got in his car and drove out of sight, you wore that smile inside, missing the knowing looks from your parents.

“he’s nice,” your mom said, a strange tone in her voice that you paid no mind to.

“he’s pretty great.”

mat’s girl two: grace

when mat texted you that he had gone on a date with a girl named grace and was planning another one with the same girl, a strange sinking sensation happened in your stomach. you weren't overly familiar with the feeling. you just assumed it was because you hadn't eaten much.

when he facetimed you a few minutes later, you were shoving a handful of spinach and cheese in your mouth.

“what the fuck are you doing?” he asked. his cackle echoed through your kitchen

“it’s dino time,” you said through a mouthful of spinach.

mat blinked. “‘dino time?’ as in dinosaur?”

“what else would it be for?” you scoffed. “c'mon mat, i know you grew up in canada, but you should've learned this in kindergarten.”

“okay sure, but why?”

“why what?”

“why are you eating a handful of lettuce?”

“...it’s spinach.”

mat dragged a hand down his face and sighed. “okay so it’s spinach. why are you eating a handful of spinach?”

“i saw a girl on tiktok doing it.”

“huh. and you do whatever people on tiktok do?”

you rolled your eyes. “oh get off your high horse, mat. i’m only doing it to get more veggies in. it’s not like i’m snorting cocaine because i saw the wolf of wall street.” only after you shoved more spinach in your mouth, did you ask another question. “why did you call anyway?”

“i was wondering if you'd be able to get two tickets to your game tomorrow.”

“who’s going?” you asked with your mouth still full of leafy greens. “you and bo? duclair? lee?”

mat rubbed the back of his neck. “i was actually planning on taking grace, if that’s okay.”

“oh,” you said, swallowing your spinach. there was that strange sensation in your stomach again. it was odd though, because you were eating, so the feeling should’ve been gone by now, right?

right?

“yeah,” you nodded. “yeah i can get some. i can also see if i can get passes so you can come down to the locker rooms after the game.”

he smiled brightly. “you’re the best, twitch. i’ll talk to you later?”

“mhm.”

he ended the call shortly thereafter, leaving you with your bag of spinach and a quiet room.

he planned on taking grace to your game.

suddenly the greens didn't taste as good anymore. but you had no idea why.

“you’re jealous,” jess deadpanned in the locker room a few days later.

you scoffed. “i’m not jealous. i’ve just been feeling weird.”

“and that all happened to coincide with when mat got a girlfriend?”

“one date hardly makes her his girlfriend.”

jessie eyed you, but you kept taping your stick as if you didn't see her in your periphery. 

there was no way she was right. you still texted the tickets to mat. but instead of meeting him outside like he did for his game, you sent one of the attendants out to give him the passes. your reasoning was simple: you weren't feeling well for some reason, and the idea of seeing grace in his passenger seat only made your stomach twist more.

“listen, all i’m saying is you might have a little crush. it doesn’t have to be devastating.”

devastating? devastating? 

devastating was losing 4 to 5 to toronto. devastating was smiling through the irritation and disappointment when emma maltais skated over after celebrating with her team.

devastating was not looking over at mat and who you assumed was grace standing at the glass, close enough that you wanted to vomit.

you were only halfway listening to your coach’s lecture after the game, knowing damn well it would lead to bag skating tomorrow. the idea of even touching the ice made you want to slam your head against the wall until you forgot about the game you just played. 

when you showered, you originally just stood there, letting the water drown you briefly before you actually washed your hair and body. there was no shot you were drying your hair, you were willing to risk getting a cold if it meant leaving that godforsaken arena as soon as possible. so you slapped a sirens beanie on top of your wet hair and walked out of the locker room.

only to be met with mat and grace standing outside.

fuck.

you'd forgotten about the family passes after three periods of shitty goaltending. the last thing you wanted to do was see mat after your performance that night. the only thing that could top it was meeting grace.

of course she was lovely, smiling at you and offering her hand when mat introduced her. you weren't an asshole, so you shook her hand and did your best to smile even though you wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep off the loss.

however, you did your best to look as interested in the conversation, you pretended to be genuine when grace said you did a great job, that she had fun at the game. all her words should've lifted your spirits, but you didn't know her from a can of paint and you weren't up for conversation. maybe after the next game (that you'd hopefully win) you'd be more up for talking.

“hey,” mat nudged his foot with yours. “it’s not your fault.”

you rolled your eyes, even though they started stinging. “i should've blocked that last goal.”

“and your team should've scored or kept the puck away from you,” he said matter of factly. “the puck has to get through three forwards and two defensemen before it gets to you.”

“but if i—”

mat shook his head and placed his hands on your shoulders, his thumbs rubbing the bones there. “you're gonna keep yourself up all night overthinking this.” he leaned his head down to look you in the eyes. “it’s not your fault, you've gotta let it go.”

you scoffed. “i can’t just ‘let it go—’”

“you can, and you will if you wanna prevent yourself from making the same mistakes.”

you nodded. “thanks mat,” you mumbled, standing there in the moment until you remembered grace was right there. “it was nice to meet you, grace,” you said, doing your best to smile at her without it looking like a grimace. “maybe next time, we’ll win and i’ll be in a better mood.”

she smiled so bright that it nearly blinded you. “no worries, i look forward to your next game.”

“i’ll see you later, mat,” you said. with your goalie bag on your shoulder, your tired legs started to carry you down the hall towards the parking lot, but a hand reached out and slipped the bag off your shoulder.

“i’ll walk you to your car.”

“but grace—”

“she can come with, right, grace? we’ll drop twitch off and then i’ll drive you home?”

you and mat glanced at her, she seemed frozen in her spot, but she slipped a smile on her face with minimal faltering. “that’s fine,” she said.

mat carried your bag all the way to your car and tossed it in the trunk without breaking a sweat. when he closed the trunk door, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “text me when you get home,” he said.

“you're the one with the hour long drive, mat. you should text me when you get home.”

he laughed and tugged on the ends of your hair. “will do. let me know what your schedule looks like this week!”

you nodded as he walked away and watched as he took grace’s hand. your stomach lurched again, but you wrote it off as a side effect of losing that night.

but the sight of mat and grace reminded you of the bet you'd made at the olympics.

you still had some falling in love to do.

guy three: peter

when you were in high school, you watched a movie called serendipity and fell in love with love. the idea that the right person could be in front of you the whole time made your sixteen year old heart beat like wild.

so when you ran into your ex, peter, at a coffee shop in manhattan, you knew it was your moment.

he was the one.

he had to be.

god and to think you two broke up in college and somehow found your ways back to each other? it had to be a sign.

“it’s not a sign, it’s a coincidence,” emma said over facetime.

you rolled your eyes. “how else would you explain him being in manhattan now? i met him when we were at osu.”

“just because you exchanged numbers again doesn't mean you should date him.”

“we ran into him in the most densely populated city in america, emma. i don't think that’s by chance.” you inhaled. “besides, i think he’s changed. i know i have. maybe it was the right person at the wrong time.”

emma blinked like she didn't believe you. “what does mat think?” she asked.

that was an odd question.

“what do you mean? why would he care?”

she shrugged. “i just thought you two were talking to each other about your dates. thought he might have an opinion on the matter.”

“eh, haven’t spoken to him much.” and truthfully you hadn't. between practicing, games, and dates with peter, you two hadn’t spoken in about a week and a half. which, for anyone else, wasn't that deep, but for you and mat, it was a little strange.

“maybe you should fix that,” emma said.

almost like he knew you were talking about him, mat texted.

mat barzal: would you be up for a double date? you, me, grace, and pete?

that sounded like a comically bad idea.

you said yes anyway.

peter chose the restaurant after mat suggested meeting in manhattan, a suggestion he probably made with you in mind. it was a bit fancier than you would've liked. you were fully expecting on finding a little mom and pop hole in the wall with some indoor seating and calling it a day, but you should've known peter was more refined than that.

you were in a black dress with his jacket draped over your shoulders when you walked in the restaurant. mat had texted you earlier to let you know he and grace were already seated.

peter’s hand was on the small of your back as he led you back to the table. he plastered a polite smile on his face and whispered in your ear. “why did you agree to this?”

you shrugged. “thought it would be fun.” you glanced back with a smile on your face. “i think you'll really like mat, he's cool. and grace is nice too.” though, admittedly, you didn't know as much about her as you did mat. after all, he was the one you quieted the anxieties you were feeling about this date entirely.

“it’ll be great!” mat said as the two of you walked around a park. “you and i already get along,” he passed back your now peeled orange. you immediately shove three pieces in your mouth. “it would only make sense that our partners would also get along.”

not even peter’s cynicism could put a damper on your mood.

mat and grace stood as the two of you approached. mat hugged you first, then shook peter’s hand. you and grace waved at each other before you took your seats. mat pulled grace’s seat out before he sat down, peter was seated before you could even blink.

you shrugged it off, pulling out a chair wasn't that big of a deal. but you saw mat’s lips pull down in a frown before it was gone entirely.

“what’s good here?” mat asked. “i've never been.”

you glanced at the menu, your mouth started watering already. “the lobster ravioli looks good,” you noted. “god my stomach is growling already.”

peter made a noise in the back of his throat. “have you looked at the salads?”

you froze. in the corner of your eye, you saw mat’s head snap up from where he sat diagonally from you. “why would i look at the salads?” you asked. “i want pasta.”

peter shrugged. “just think the salad would be healthier.”

“so you can get a salad. i want pasta.”

“if i’m paying, i think you should get—”

“it's on me tonight,” mat interrupted. his eyes met yours. “get what you want, twitch.”

you closed your eyes and sighed when you felt peter tense up next to you at the mention of your college nickname. in your head, you said a little prayer that he would drop it, or at least wait until the two of you were alone to address it.

grace cleared her throat and smiled at you. “has your season gotten any better?” she asked.

grateful for the sudden change in topic, you smiled back. “it has, i feel much better now. sorry that you caught me on a bad night.”

“it wasn't that bad, twitch,” mat said. “it was an off night for everyone. you did the best you could.”

you shot him a grateful smile right as peter cleared his throat. “how’s your season going, mat? i’ve been trying to keep up but you play so many games and so does this one,” he nudges you. “it’s hard to keep track.”

mat shrugged. “we have to get better at putting pucks in the net, that’s for sure.”

“don't let his modesty fool you, peter,” you started. “mat’s on an eight game point streak right now. he’s killing it.” mat looked up and smiled at you. on reflex you smiled back at him until peter cleared his throat.

peter blinked, then gave mat a smirk. “must be cool playing for the rangers,” he said. “has to be the greatest team in new york.”

your brows furrowed right as mat’s jaw clenched. you'd told peter about mat, how he was a forward for the islanders, and was a strict rangers hater. so it was a mystery how he confused mat for a rangers player at all.

“i don't play for the rangers,” mat replied coolly.

“my mistake,” peter shrugged before taking a sip of water. “i assumed your team was the winning team.”

your eyes widened and you nudged peter in the arm. “can you chill please?” you mumbled.

grace, sensing the tension, turned the conversation back towards you. “mat told me you grew up on long island, is that true?”

you nodded and smiled widely, grateful for the topic change. “yes! right down the street from ubs. my parents and i walked to the arena to see mat play not too long ago.”

“it’s like a five minute drive,” mat chimed in.

grace nodded, then froze. “how do you know that?”

he shrugged. “we ate dinner at her parents’ after the game.”

you could cut the tension with a knife. based on grace’s thinned out lips, she wasn't necessarily enthused about the idea of mat eating with you and your parents. granted, you didn't think anything of it, but maybe it was cause for concern for her.

thankfully, the server came over and took your orders. you told the server you wanted lobster ravioli before peter could order for you and sipped your water as he rolled his eyes.

when the food came out, you were too busy eating to notice the looks mat and peter were sending each other or the way grace kept glancing back and forth from you to mat. the lobster ravioli was just too good to focus on anything else.

when the time for the check came, peter scowled when mat paid for it, but said nothing. your mood soured the longer peter was grumpy. by the end of the date, you were rushing him out the door, but not without waving goodbye at grace and hugging mat.

peter didn't say anything until you got into his car. “i didn't know mat had met your parents.”

you blinked. “i didn't think it was worth mentioning. do you want me to tell you that jess and ella met my parents on draft day?”

“that’s not the point and you know it,” he scowled. “and why is he calling you twitch?”

you shrugged. “because it’s what everyone calls me. he heard it from emma and jessie and it’s stuck since then. why is it a problem?”

he huffed. “i never said it was a problem.”

“you're acting like it is.”

“that’s because you're too old to be going by a college nickname. when you meet my coworkers, can you just give them your real name?” he asked.

there was a sinking sensation in your stomach that you hadn't felt since you were twenty. “sure,” you tried to smile. “if it’ll make you happy.”

two days later, you were drying your hair after a 2-1 loss against montreal. peter had texted you earlier that week asking for days you were available to hang out with him and his friends.

truthfully, you didn't want to, especially after losing. but peter was so sweet last night. he brought you flowers, though you weren't really a fan of daisies, a bottle of his favorite wine, and pizza from a place down the street from your apartment. he let you pick the movie out and said you were beautiful.

you were willing to endure a night with his finance bro friends because he sacrificed his free time last night to see you.

you put your walk in outfit back on and sighed when you looked in the mirror. the last thing you wanted to do was go to a bar where you only knew your boyfriend.

but love was about sacrifice, right?

you drove home and ordered an uber to the bar in manhattan. when you finally arrived, it took you a second to realize where your boyfriend was.

he was propped against the wall while one of his friends was shooting pool. peter kept talking and didn't notice you walk up until you were right next to him.

“oh hey!” he kissed your cheek, which made you grin just a little. he was so sweet and you loved the affection. “how was your game?”

your smile faltered. “you didn't watch it?”

a light bulb went off in his mind. “oh, i mean, they had the islanders game going on, so i didn't get a chance to see it. i’m sorry, babe. i would’ve if i could’ve.” 

you nodded, not wanting to fight in public. because your game ended over an hour ago, and peter, according to your texts, had only been at the bar for forty-five minutes.

he seemed to take your silence as a sign that you were okay and ushered you forward towards his friends. “guys, this is my girlfriend,” he said before looking at you, expecting you to introduce yourself.

you waved and said your name. peter’s friends nodded back at you and got back to their game. peter was cheering as one of his friends, whose name you didn't know, shot a ball in the hole.

“peter,” you said over the loud music. “peter!”

he finally glanced at you, eyebrows raising like he just remembered you were there. “yeah?”

“i’m going to get a drink,” you said.

he nodded before turning back to the game.

your heart sunk as you walked to the bar, dodging bodies like your teammates did on their way to the net. in your backpocket, you could feel your phone vibrate. you reached back and pulled it out, smiling when you saw a text on your screen.

mat barzal: do you feel as shitty as i do?

you pulled up the nhl app and saw the score. a 4-5 loss against the rangers.

stupid fucking rangers.

you: i feel like absolute dog shit. like the kind i would have to pick up when i took benny on walks.

mat barzal: who’s benny?

you: my childhood dog, sweet as can be, but took massive dumps on every walk.

mat barzal: what’re you doing now?

you: at a bar with peter and his friends.

mat barzal: ...that’s fun?

you laughed at his message. 

you: if only, but i’m hopeful it’ll get better.

mat barzal: where are you right now?

you dropped him a pin.

you: why?

mat barzal: i’m like five minutes away, would it be weird if i joined you?

probably yes, given how mat and peter’s last interaction went, but you glanced back at your boyfriend who was laughing with his buddies. he didn't notice you'd been gone for almost ten minutes now.

so maybe you were feeling petty, but you didn't care at that point. maybe you'd pay for it later, but the price of not feeling alone in a dive bar was worth any tension that would inevitably come.

you: it wouldn't be weird! i’d actually appreciate some company right now.

mat barzal: bet.

you were alone for another seven minutes before you saw a mop of dark brown hair walk through the doors. you watched as his eyes searched the room until they landed on you. it was like someone flipped a switch, the way his face immediately lit up at the sight of you. the very sight made your stomach twist in a way that had you buzzing in your seat.

mat shoved his way through the crowd of people before he flagged down a bartender and took the seat next to you.

“hey,” he huffed, out of breath.

you laughed. “did you run here?”

he shrugged, even as his cheeks turned pink. “maybe. that’s not the point. what’re you drinking?”

you held up your half empty cup. “moscow mule.”

“you want another?”

you let mat buy you another drink. you let him pay for it. you let him ask you about how the game was and in turn, you asked how his went. you let him tell you about bo’s kids as well as matt’s, how the bet was going, how grace was doing.

he seemed ambivalent to that last conversation topic, the spark in his eyes when he talked about his teammates died quickly.

“i don't know,” he said, tracing the bar top with his pointer finger. “things are good.”

“but?” you asked.

“but i thought falling in love would be different.”

your heart lurched in your chest, your stomach twisted like you were about to vomit. there was no reason for it though, maybe it was the alcohol?

“you're in love with her?” you managed to get out.

he shook his head, and the pressure building in your chest lessened. “no, but maybe i should be.”

mat’s eyes looked past you, when you turned around, you saw he was staring at peter and his friends. “do you love him?” he asked quietly, just loud enough for you and only to hear.

the truth was, you used to when you were in college. you thought he hung the sky, the moon, and the stars. you thought he put the earth into motion. he was your sun. but now things were different, he was different, you were different. it was like a piece of a puzzle that almost fit but not completely, like you were forcing it into a spot and saying it was close enough.

“i don't know,” was the answer you settled for. “maybe in time, i will again.”

mat let out a breath. “but you don't right now?”

“not yet.”

he nodded.

a beat later, an arm slid around your waist that had you tensing until you heard his voice. “hey sweetheart, you'd been gone for a moment, i got concerned.” you could hear the tension in peter’s voice as he spoke to you. if you were a betting woman, you'd gamble your bottom dollar on mat being the reason for it.

“pete, hey,” mat said with a wave.

“it’s peter,” your boyfriend said. “hope you’re not feeling the sting of a loss too bad, mat.”

you whipped your head around to look at peter, confusion written all over your face. “you watched the game?”

peter shrugged like he barely heard you. he wasn't looking at you anyway, his gaze was locked on mat. “we pregamed before coming here.”

“you watched the rangers play but couldn't watch my game?”

but he didn't even acknowledge what you said. “it was nice seeing you mat, but me and my girlfriend are going to go play pool. have a good night.” peter steered you away from the bar and back towards the pool tables.

it was like someone was draining the life out of you like one would tap a tree for sap.

“i think i’m gonna go home,” you said, pulling away from peter. “i’m really tired and i have practice tomorrow.”

peter’s brows pulled together, he frowned. “but you just got here. i barely got to see you.”

“that’s because you were playing pool with your friends. i’ve been here for over half an hour, peter. i lost tonight and i just wanna go home and lay on the couch and watch trashy reality tv.”

“fine,” he huffed. “i’ll see you later.”

you went on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips, but at the last minute he turned his head away so your lips met his cheek instead. you stepped back, a little hurt before you spun on your heels and headed for the exit.

“you're leaving?” you glanced over your shoulder and saw mat shoving past people to get to you.

“yeah,” you said. “i’m tired and wanna get in bed.”

“have you ordered an uber yet?”

you shook your head.

“let me ride home with you, i don't want you going home alone.” you were already shaking your head, telling him to catch uber back to long island, but he held a hand up. “it’s late and i don’t want to have to tell your mom that i let you catch an uber back to your apartment without making sure you got there safely.”

you held up your phone. “i can give you my location.”

“not good enough. i need to see you walk into your apartment building.”

“seriously, mat, i’d feel bad that you're adding more time to your commute.”

he shrugged like it was no big deal. “don't think of it like that, just think of it as me wanting to spend more time with you.”

the ride back to newark was short, but you felt bad knowing that mat had an hour trip back home because of you. but he shrugged your worries off and said he'd text you when you got home.

that night, after your second shower, after crawling into bed to watch the bachelor, you went to sleep smiling.

your mood over the next two days fluctuated, with you rarely hearing from peter. if you got any response, it was strictly five words max per text message. and each message took him at least thirty minutes to reply.

safe to say, when you arrived at prudential for another game, you were ready to devour the red starbursts you saved in your goalie bag.

except the bag was empty.

and really it shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but you'd been eating red starbursts before every game since you were six and your mom stopped caring about red dye 40. your shaking hands reached for your phone and hit peter’s contact. 

the phone rang and rang and rang and rang only to go straight to voicemail.

so you called again.

same thing.

so you called again.

same thing.

you called one more time and it went straight to voicemail.

peter: can you chill? i’m busy.

you: i need red starbursts. do you think you could bring me some?

radio silence.

so you waited five, ten minutes. and not a single reply.

you: peter? will you?

peter: i’m busy. why don’t you get that?

tears welled up in your eyes. you were starting tonight, you couldn't afford to not have the candy. what if you lost because you didn't have them? would the whole team blame you? you know you would.

you walked into the hallway and scrolled through your contacts. you hit the contact of the person you were searching for.

two rings.

“hello?”

“mat,” you sniffled, trying to keep the crying to a minimum, thankful you'd gotten there early enough, no one else was in the locker room. and no one was in the hall.

“hey, you okay? are you crying?”

“can you do me a huge favor?” you asked.

“anything.”

“can you bring me red starbursts? i tried asking peter but he’s busy and my parents are at work still and—”

“i got you, don't worry. where do you want me to meet you?”

a sob escaped your lips as relief crashed over you. “thank you thank you thank you, mat. just call me when you get here, and i’ll meet you.”

he was there in forty-five minutes with a ziploc bag stuffed full with your favorite candy.

you about tackled him in the hallway. “how did you get down here?” you asked, bouncing on your feet as he handed the bag over.

“apparently my face is familiar,” he joked. “when i told one of the social media interns i was here for you, she led me down here.”

without even thinking about it, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for the tightest hug possible. “i owe you one. seriously.”

when you pulled back, his cheeks were a light pink, something you could've read into had jess and ella not come bounding down the hallway.

“twitch! who is this?” they asked, wide smiles on their faces.

“no,” you mumbled. “mat, run.”

you tried pushing him away, but he turned around and smiled at your teammates. “i’m mat,” he said.

jess’ lips formed a smirk. “i’m jess, the best friend.”

“ella, the other friend.”

“are you staying for the game?” jessie asked, mirth rolling around in her irises.

“he can’t he's busy—”

“sure,” mat smiled. “i’d love to.” he turned back to you. “are your parents coming?”

you nodded, a little sheepishly. “they have my tickets—”

“you can have mine!” jess cut in. “they should be next to yours anyway.”

“you really don't have to come, mat—”

but he shrugged. “i’d love to. do you think your mom would cook again tonight?”

“i’m sure if you asked, she’d make a five course meal just for you.”

you missed the looks passed back and forth between jess and ella, only focused on the way mat’s lips curled up into a smile. “then i’ll see you out there, twitch.”

as he walked away, jess and ella smirked at you, waiting until he was fully out of sight (and earshot) to shriek at you.

“he’s eaten dinner with your parents?!”

“shut up,” you groaned, walking back into the locker room. “it’s not that deep.”

“girl, what was he even doing here?”

you held up the bag of starbursts. “i ran out.”

jess paused. “...and he brought you some?” she reached for the bag, testing its weight in the palm of her hands. “girl, this is like several packs worth of starbursts.”

you shrugged it off, like it was no big deal. “he was being nice.”

but when you skated out for warm ups and saw him sitting next to your parents, you could see the blue of the sirens jersey he was wearing, you could see your number 26 on his sleeves. he was leaning down to listen to what your mom was saying when you skated past their seats.

your parents were sporting a homemade t-shirt of you in goalie gear at the ripe age of six, if you had to guess. on any other day, you wouldn't have felt the heat flooding your cheeks, but something about mat standing next to your parents wearing those shirts felt a little too intimate. it felt like something peter wouldn't be happy about if he found out.

the same peter who brushed you off, you reminded yourself.

suddenly, you cared a little less.

you skated to the crease and started scuffing it up before prepping for the rest of the warm ups.

by the time the game ended, you were exhausted. it ended in a win, something you were grateful for. ottawa put up a good fight, but you felt every one of those twenty-three shots on goal in your bones. you were so tired, you didn't even bother checking your phone, you just shoved it in your back pocket and walked outside of the locker room.

what you saw in the hallway had to be some sort of nightmare. standing with your parents was mat, jess, and ella all of whom were pointing at the homemade shirts they wore.

you immediately started walking towards them.

“you have to make me a shirt next time,” mat quipped.

““no—” you cut in.

“of course, mat! if you come over afterwards, you can pick which picture you want on your shirt!” your mom crooned.

your eyes widened. “mom no—”

but mat was already smirking and cutting you off. “i have just the picture in mind.” 

jess’ eyes brightened, like a lightbulb went off above her head. “is it the amish picture?”

he shook his head and smiled. “nah, i got a better one.” when ella and jess opened their mouths to ask, he shook his head again. “and it’s a secret. you'll all find out one day.”

you laughed while your teammates rolled their eyes. it wasn't long before they were saying their goodbyes and walking out while you, your parents, and mat just stood around.

“you know, mat,” your dad started. “the offer still stands if you want to come over for a drink.”

mat’s eyes met yours. a silent are you going? passing between the two of you.

you thought about how you should probably go home, how you'd be better just going to your apartment instead of driving an hour to your parents’ house.

but your parents made cute shirts and sat in the arena cheering you on like they had been doing for years.

“your call, barzy. but be warned, we will probably play spades. so if you're game—”

“i’m down,” he smiled.

which is how you ended up throwing cards at mat because your parents set the two of you in the card game.

“what the fuck mat!” you yelled, but it was drowned out by your parents cackling and mat groaning.

“language!” your mom chided.

mat threw his hands up at your accusation. “i've never played this before! your parents have been playing together for years!”

“not an excuse!”

“oh c'mon, squirt, don't be such a sore loser, it’s mat’s first time playing.”

you huffed and sat back in your chair, crossing your arms. “i don't remember being this bad,” you said.

“you were a concussed fifteen year old, i doubt you remembered much from that time,” your dad quipped as he shuffled the deck of cards.

mat choked on a laugh that he quickly stifled when he saw your glare. you opened your mouth to retort when your phone started vibrating in your back pocket.

peter.

you sighed and held your phone up. “i've gotta take this, i’ll be back.” you pointed at mat. “make sure they don't cheat.”

mat held his hands up. “i wouldn't even know how they could cheat at shuffling cards, but okay.”

you stepped into the living room, just far enough for a little privacy, but close enough to monitor what was being said by your parents. “hello?”

“where are you?” peter asked immediately. “i tried ringing your doorbell but you haven't buzzed me in. i’m freezing my ass off, here.”

“huh?” you asked, wondering if you heard him wrong.

“i’m outside your apartment,” he sighed.

“wait,” you said. “why?”

a moment of silence and then a deeper sigh. “to apologize. i feel like you were angry with me earlier. so i wanted to make things better.”

you blinked. “so you're at my apartment?”

“with daisies, your favorite. so, are you going to stop ignoring me and let me in? it’s way too fucking cold for this, baby.”

you grimaced at the idea of telling him the truth. “i would peter, but i’m not in jersey right now. i’m in elmont, with my parents and—”

mat’s loud ass laugh cut you off.

the silence on the phone was deafening.

“is mat there? was that him?” peter’s voice was cold in a way you hadn't heard before.

“yeah,” you said, not seeing an issue with it. “he's here. we’re playing spades.”

a long pause. “why?”

“why what?”

“why are you at your parents’ house with another guy? can you tell me how that makes sense?”

you pinched the bridge of your nose and moved upstairs to your bedroom so your parents and mat couldn't hear. “we’re just playing a card game—”

“why is he there?”

“because he came to my game,” you said.

“why was he at your game?”

“because he didn't hang up on me when i asked for red starbursts, peter.”

“oh my god,” he groaned. “i was in a meeting! you seriously can't be mad at me for not getting stupid candy for you this one time.”

“well, you asked why he was here and i told you. he brought me red starbursts, jess gave him one of her tickets, and my parents invited him over for dinner.”

“why?”

he couldn't be serious.

“because they're my parents, and they've never met a friend of mine that they didn't like. which you would know if you'd had more than three conversations with them.”

“oh don't turn this around on me, sweetheart. you’re the one with a guy at your parents’ house right now.”

“you know what?” you started. “i’m not even gonna entertain this bullshit. why did you stop by my place again?”

“to apologize!”

“for what?”

“i don't know,” he admitted. “i could tell you were mad and probably blamed me so i came to apologize for whatever i did to piss you off.” you could practically feel the sarcasm in his voice seeping through the phone.

“okay peter,” you said. “i’m going to hang up now because you're being an ass and if we continue this phone call any longer, you're going to be single. i’ll talk to you when i’m back in jersey.”

before he could say another word, you hung up and took a deep breath to steel your nerves. you took a moment to pull yourself together as you headed down the stairs and back into the dining room. 

“everything okay, squirt?” your dad asked.

you nodded and did your best to smile. “just peachy.” you walked back to your seat and pointed at mat. “don't fuck this up for me, okay?” you said. “i have a lot of pride riding on this game.”

“language,” your mom scolded.

but mat smiled anyway and slapped your hand out of the air. “wouldn't dream of it.”

mat left around 2am and you were asleep in your childhood room by 2:15.

[yamujiburo]

I've drawn Hanamusa art a few times lately. And each time I get at least one ask/message/comment about how Jessie is underage and other kinds of misinformation. Saying it's disgusting this shipping involves a "minor" and an adult. (Once I even got comments implying Ash is Jessie's biological son... like do this people even watch the show?). You know, misinformation one could disprove with a quick google search. I ignore them completely, but I admit such negative comments are still overwhelming, to the point I sometimes think of deleting such posts, but I don't wanna ruin the fun for the rest of the people who actually enjoy my work. I figured this must be what you have to deal with everyday to a bigger scale, since you're the most popular artist for this ship. I'm sorry if you have to deal with this. I just wanted to let you know many people love your work. Thank you for sharing your art with us to enjoy. I'm always looking forward see new art from you. So anyways that's it, just wanted to let you know that I (and many others) love your work and wanted to cheer you up in case you feel as overwhelmed as me. You inspired me to start posting my own art. Keep it up. Have a wonderful day! 👍

ahhhh im so sorry it's the worst 😭

i try to ignore it also but yeah that's what kinda stopped me when i initially started drawing these two. it was mad annoying but i love the girls too much hahaha

i got to the point where i just had to be like "im not a bad person just because people choose to not do research or fact check themselves. if they don't, then it clearly doesn't matter to them that much."

[sirfrogsworth]

There was a time when celebrities were not expected to be political activists. And in modern times, it is a rare thing to see someone have the self awareness to know that can't speak on something with authority. Either because they just don't know enough about it or it isn't in their skill set.

It may not even be within their intellectual capacity to understand at the level required.

Which is my fancy way of saying...

But I think what sets Chappell Roan apart is that self awareness to say she doesn't have the answers. I find people saying "I don't know" very refreshing. There are much much stupider people, who are actual political representatives, who have zero self awareness of how stupid they are about politics. And it is kinda the reason we are in the current clusterfuck of fascism.

Beyond that, art is inherently political, and if you need to know the politics of an artist... refer to their art.

A queer artist becoming one of the most popular people in a country regressing to authoritarian conservatism is in itself political action. Just existing in this vast public forum is political action. Being queer on a world stage and singing about queer things is political action.

There is this weird thing where people think they essentially *own* a celebrity and so they must do what is demanded. We made this person rich, so they owe us something beyond their art, right?

I have many friends who cannot stay politically educated at all times because it is a detriment to their mental health. So they have to unplug and stay minimally engaged with what is happening. And I feel like people are saying you don't get to do that if you are a wealthy artist. You forfeit that option. Fuck their mental health.

As someone who has been slightly popular on the internet, it is hard to communicate just how toxic things can get. I am a white cis man who mostly made funny GIFs and comics about my corgi. I regularly got hate just because I didn't make a person laugh. They couldn't just move on to something they preferred. They had to make it their mission to inform me of their grievance. And in the times I decided to speak politically, I had people actually doxxing me and threatening Otis and sending things to my house.

I can't imagine what kind of toxic attention a queer pop star must receive. Yes, wealth offers great privilege, but there is no amount of money to protect you from that.

I feel like there is this unfair demand of all queer creators to be activists. I get why people think that. Shit is real bad for queer folks right now. But I watch someone like Jessie Gender allude to being suicidal because of the response to her political content and that she'd rather just talk about Star Trek.

If it is getting that bad, I think she should just talk about Star Trek.

And I also think being a popular trans woman—talking about Star Trek, and just being normal and likeable and passionate about something—is a benefit to the cause.

Normalizing trans-ness is political action.

Personally, I am fine with Chappell Roan letting her art be her political speech and leaving it at that. That's how it used to work before social media.

I mean, you probably don't even know who Edwin Starr is. But you know that war... hoo... yeah... what is it good for? Absolutely nothin. (Say it again, y'all.)

We didn't need anything else from Edwin Starr. We didn't need him to give a poorly researched analysis on the military industrial complex. Everything we needed from him was right there in the song.

War, I despise 'Cause it means destruction of innocent lives War means tears to thousands of mother's eyes When their sons go off to fight And lose their lives

That's some good shit.

I hate war now.

Good job, Mr. Starr.

I do not want nor expect unqualified people to be activists just because they have a large platform. It's a specific skill and it requires time and effort to educate oneself to do it well.

When I saw David Hogg get elevated to the leadership of the Democratic Party, I cringed. His only qualification was surviving a school shooting. But if you follow him and listen to his political arguments, they are... rough. He seems like a nice enough kid. And I'm glad he was able to use his tragedy to advocate for gun control. But he isn't an expert on gun violence. He can't speak with authority about the best solutions. And he just doesn't have any political savvy in general.

A lot of times I feel like we are saying, "You are a very popular singer, please fix my car." They say, "I don't know how to fix cars." But then we bully them into attempting it. And when they fuck up at fixing the car, we are like, "OMG, why are you so bad at fixing cars?"

I actually think part of the reason the Left is currently so disorganized and riddled with infighting is because we expect everyone to speak at the same time. And it is causing our message to get lost in the noise of it all. We talk about trusting scientific expertise but don't hold to that same standard for political expertise.

"Everyone should use their voice at all times. If you have a platform, you're an activist. Don't fuck it up."

AOC is good at this. Bernie is good at this. Kat Abughazaleh just announced she is running for office. She is good at this.

Instead of demanding everyone talk at once, we can use our platforms (big and small) to elevate the voices of people who are good at this.

Maybe something we can demand is that wealthy creators use their resources to help our best activists. When someone asks Chappell Roan how to fix trans rights, she could just say, "Please follow Erin Reed" and then sing a country song about being proficient at giving gals orgasms—which, again, is political action.

[marvelfilth]

A Demonstration (18+)

Pairing: Ellie Williams x f!reader

Warnings: smut, pet names

Summary: you've been pining over Ellie for years, what happens when you walk into her in a very... compromising place

Masterlist

Your whole body trembles by the time you finally find the courage to open the door, the provocative sign making you blush furiously. You're thankful no one greets you when you step inside, the silence allowing your nerves to calm a bit. You look around the shop, sensual lighting enhancing the mood, showcasing various rows of toys.

You clear your throat and take a hesitant step further, looking around wildly in search of something inconspicuous and small. There's a stand full of dick shaped lollipops that makes you bite back an amused smile, and right next to it is a stand dedicated to vaginas. You look to the other side and pass the shelves full of flavored lube, eyes zeroed in on small bullet vibrators. 

The sizes vary, but you're not sure you'll be able to take something bigger than two of your fingers, so you take one in the closest size, turn around and bump into someone's chest, dropping the small box. Strong hands clasp around your shoulders, steadying you, captivating smell of tobacco and dark chocolate invading your senses. You mutter an apology, hurrying to bend and pick up the box before the woman notices, but she has the same thing in mind, her hand grazing yours as she grabs it before you could. You straighten, gnawing on your lower lip and looking away, too embarrassed to face the stranger. 

"Y/n?" A familiar voice speaks. Your eyes widen comically, falling on the woman you haven't thought about in years. "Ellie?"

You've spent half of your teenage years pinning over the girl, desperately wishing she'd look at you, dreaming about her touch. Spending a fair share of time in close proximity to her (perks of being Jessi's friend) made you crave her presence at all times, which made the pain even worse when she decided to flee the city right after a nasty fight with her adoptive father. You've never told anyone about your feelings for her, keeping them buried deep in your heart. 

You can't ignore them now, even after years of suppression. 

“Hi,” she breathes out, a dorky smile on her lips, and offers you the box. “I was hoping I'd bump into you somewhere, and here you are.” 

You blush under her watchful eyes, shifting from foot to foot, and take the box. “I didn't know you were back.” 

She looks you up and down, her eyes lingering on the toy in your hands. “I didn't tell anyone.” 

“Even Dina?” You can't help, but ask.

She huffs a quiet laugh. “Especially Dina. She can't keep shit to herself. Where do you think all the gossip comes from?” 

You smile, shaking your head in amusement. “So no one knows you're in town?” 

“No one, except for you and the people who've helped me put this whole thing up.” She spreads her arms wide, gesturing to the shop around her. Your jaw grows slack, your fingers clutching around the box tightly. She smirks, and your blush deepens, your heart almost bursting out of your chest. 

“It’s- it's a nice shop,” you stummer.

She hums. “Are you going to be a regular?” she teases good-naturally, but there's a glint in her eyes that tells you she's actually curious about the answer. 

“I don't think so? I mean, I've never actually been- um… I don't usually…” you trail off, closing your eyes. She grasps your wrist, her thumb drawing half circles over your pulse point, and the gesture makes you relax slightly. “Is it your first time buying a sex toy?” she asks, her voice raspy and deep. You nod jerkily, looking away from her prying eyes. “It's okay, I got it.” She whispers, before quickly walking to the front of the shop and turning the lock. 

You shudder involuntarily, stepping closer to the register. She stops you midway and grasps your wrist, leading you towards the back. “C’mon, I think I have something you'll like.” 

You gulp, wishing you never left your apartment, but follow her nonetheless. You enter a small storage room full of nondescript boxes, and she nudges you towards the only table in the room. You lean against it, watching as she rummages around in search of god knows what, your eyes landing on her lean legs before trailing up to her perky butt. You look away, biting on the inside of your cheek. 

“What do you think?” She asks, and you're forced to look at her again. 

She's holding some kind of a sex toy in her hands, one you're not familiar with at all. “I… I don't know what that is.” 

Her lips stretch in a lazy smile as she walks up to you. She holds your chin between her fingers, tilting your head up. “Would you like to find out?” 

You suck in a breath, looking back at the toy, and nod shakily. She chuckles and opens the box. The toy is small and elongated, with a few buttons on one side.

“That little guy can make you come in two minutes,” she starts, caressing the toy with her thumb, “you put it on your clit, and it'll suck it like there's no tomorrow.” She chuckles, seeing the look on your face. “Wanna try?” 

“N-no,” you stummer, blushing furiously. “I think I'll just stick to this for now.” You hold up the box in your hand.

Ellie hums and makes her way to you, throwing the toy in her hand on the table. “Do you know how to use it?” 

You freeze, not expecting the question. 

“I- I guess?"

She chuckles, and takes it from you. “I'll give you a demonstration then.” 

You choke on your spit. “What?” 

She pats your cheek playfully, her thumb lingering on your lower lip, and you struggle to keep your tongue from darting out. “Hop up, babe.” 

Your body moves on its own, and a second later you're sitting on the table, your back against the wall, holding the hem of your dress in your clenched fists.

She takes out a bottle of lube from the drawer, followed by a fleshlight. You gulp, noting how close to the real thing the toy is. Ellie looks at you for a moment, before squeezing some lube on her fingers and spreading it over the toy, her eyes returning to you. She slides her thumb over the fake clit of the toy, spreading lube, you can almost feel the ghost of her touch on your folds, your clit twitching. She looks at you like she knows exactly what's going through your head and places her hand on your leg. Your breath hitches and you clump your thighs shut, trapping her hand between your legs. She raises an eyebrow, and pushes her thumb inside, her dark eyes on you. You swallow, wishing she was pushing inside you instead. 

"You have to listen to your body, if something doesn't feel good, don't do it." Her hand leaves your leg and you whimper at the loss, cheeks burning when Ellie merely chuckles. She takes the vibrator and slowly pushes it inside, her thumb painting circles over the toy's clit. "You think that'll feel good for you?" 

You nod rapidly, not trusting your voice. She hums, thrusting it slowly and you exhale shakily, your pussy clenching around nothing. She continues, her chocolate eyes pinned to your face, catching the way your lips open, the way your eyes grow misty with lust. 

"I think so too, angel, I think you'll take it like a good girl," she whispers, her hand returns to your thigh sliding higher, almost there. 

You jump off the table, looking down at the floor as you stutter some made-up excuse. Your cheeks burn in shame, your thighs clenched. You try to walk past her, but she stops you, one hand on your waist, the other under your jaw, tilting your face up.

"Where do you think you're going, bunny? I don't think you've learned just yet." She guides you back on the table, toys forgotten as she chooses to stand between your parted thighs. She looks you up and down appreciatively, eyes lingering on your exposed cleavage, hands hot on your hips. "Why don't you show me how you do it? I need to know what I'm working with." She licks her lips, thumbs tracing circles over your thin dress.

Your cheeks heat up and you almost shake your head no, ready to bolt out the door and forget any of this ever happened.

"Hey, look at me." She tilts your head up, her lips inches away from yours. "I'm going to make you feel good, baby. But I want to see you first, okay? Show me how pretty your pussy looks," she husks, pupils blown with want.

You nod, ready to give it all to her. Her lips come crashing down on your own, pulling you in a bruising kiss. You gasp, your lips parting just enough to allow her tongue entrance, the wet muscle exploring your mouth before she bites on your lower lip, slowly pulling away. Your legs hook over her waist, trapping her in place. She takes your hand, her palm over yours, and you can't help but notice the difference in size. Her long, slender fingers wrap around your hand completely, leaving you to wonder how good they'll feel inside you. 

"Do it or I'll have to punish you." 

You blink, breath hitching. "P-punish me?" 

She smiles. "See that?" She nods at one of the boxes on the counter. You gulp and look back at her, eyes wide. "Don't make me use that on you, baby. Do as I say." 

You nod, and hitch up your dress, your legs parting. Ellie pulls away as far as your legs allow, her hands on your waist. You take a steadying breath, before exhaling and looking up to her gorgeous green eyes, full of hunger and need. You tug on your panties, slowly dragging them down, and Ellie takes them from your hand and shoves them into her back pocket, smiling at the way you gulp loudly. "You won't need them," she whispers, putting her hands back on your thighs, tracing circles over your heated skin. You nod, biting on your lower lip, unconsciously spreading your legs wider. 

"That's right, spread em wide open for me," she whispers, hunching up your dress to reveal your glistening core. 

She sucks in a breath, her eyes growing darker, and wets her lips. Your chest burns, and you're sure it's the same color as your cheeks, embarrassingly red. Still, her words ring in your head, making your cup your pussy. You stifle a moan, feeling just how wet you are, your folds drenched in your arousal. 

“Good girl,” she hums, “go on, baby, push them inside.” 

You do as she says without a second thought, your fingers sinking in your warmth. She bites on her lip, her eyes pinned to your slick folds, and places her hands over your bra, kneading your covered breasts. You moan, steadily pumping your fingers inside your clenching pussy, arching into her muscled form. 

“You're not doing it right, baby.” She stops you, her fingers around your wrist. "You can't even take care of your pretty cunt without my help.” 

You whine, hips buckling. “Don't worry, I'll help you out." 

She tugs your closer, your heat snug against her lower stomach, and reaches for the toy she was using, pulling it out of the flashlight and pushing it down your folds, lube and slick coating the toy. You whine, burying your face in the crook of her neck, your nails digging into her waist. “Please, Ellie.”

She chuckles, circling your clit with the tip of the toy. “Please what?” 

“Put it inside, please,” you whimper, chasing the toy with your hips. 

She hums, her palm sliding up your chest to wrap around your neck with a barest hint of pressure. "Do you think you can take it, pretty girl?"

You suck in a breath, wiggling your hips to get friction, and close your eyes. “Yes.” 

“Yeah?” She chuckles, nudging the tip of the toy against your entrance, before slowly easing it inside. She leans in close, her hot breath caressing your ear. “Good girl.” She presses the button, making the toy vibrate, and pushes it fully inside. 

“Ellie…” You cry out, back arching into her lean body, your entire being on fire. You roughly pull on her hair when she starts moving the toy, bringing her face to your neck. She sucks on the tender flesh, fucking you slowly.

“I bet you taste fucking amazing,” she purrs, kissing the underside of your jaw before pulling you in a heated kiss.

You whimper, grinding against her messily, her front covered in your arousal. She moves the toy faster, pushing it deeper and deeper, the vibrations spreading pleasure over your body. She slides her thumb over your clit and you scream, eyes clenched tightly as you come.

“There's my good girl,” she praises, slowing down, her lips hot on your skin, tongue catching beads of sweat in the valley between your breasts. 

You catch your breath, whining in protest as she pulls out the toy and grind against her front, but she stops you with a firm grip. “You made a big mess, bunny. It's time you clean it all up.” She tugs you off the table and pushes you down to your knees, undoing her belt buckle. 

You nod eagerly, mouth watering at the sight. “Yes, Ellie.”

[woso-dreamzzz]

Zoo

Jessie Fleming x Child!Reader

Niamh Charles x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: A day out with Jessie and Niamh

"Jessie! Jessie! Niamh!" You call out, practically skipping down the front steps of the house, wiggling out from under Pernille's arm to crash into two of your favourite people.

"Careful, princesse!" Pernille yells after you but you ignore her.

Niamh laughs as she catches you, lifting you easily up onto her hip as Jessie gives the run down of what you're doing today to Pernille.

You get a bit impatient though because you already know where you're going and what you're doing so Niamh puts you into the car.

"What are you looking forward to today?"

"Tiger!" You say," Rawr!"

"I think the tigers are a great idea," Niamh says, throwing the car in reverse just as Jessie slides in and does up her belt.

"Jessie!" You say," Tigers go rawr!"

There's not a lot of time spent in the car because Niamh pulls up to the zoo fairly quickly and Jessie helps you out of your seat, holding your hand like she's Momma when she doesn't want you running off in the car park.

You're a bit impatient though and pull a little but Jessie doesn't mind as she gets you through security.

"I think tigers last," She says," So they're the last thing we see."

You grumble a little because Jessie is like Momma sometimes, making you wait for the best thing until the end.

"Oh, come on, Jess!" Niamh complains," I wanted to see the tigers!"

Niamh's a bit like Morsa, you think. All tall and funny and constantly getting on Momma's nerves in the best way possible.

"Later," Jessie says," Let's go look at the bug house first and we'll work our way up to the tigers."

"Are we getting lunch?" You ask as you watch one of the zookeepers feed a tarantula," Or did Momma pack me something?"

"Are you hungry?"

You shrug. "Little bit."

Jessie rummages through the backpack Momma gave her, pulling out your favourite goldfish crackers to munch on as you wander around the zoo.

Eventually, your feet start hurting so you get Niamh to pick you up and walk you around as you look at the big animals like elephants and giraffes.

You do stop for lunch though even though Jessie says it's stupidly overpriced and very bad for you.

There's not a lot of pasta on the menu, which is your favourite and all the sandwich options have icky stuff like mayo instead of butter and bread with seeds instead of just plain so you settle on some mac and cheese and a little pot of fries.

Niamh steals a few of them so you puff out your cheeks in outrage but ultimately keep eating. You slap her prying fingers away when she tries to grab more and Jessie giggles.

You stick your tongue out at Niamh for a moment before pushing your little portion of fries towards Jessie.

"Do you want some?" You ask her and Niamh's jaw drops in shock.

Jessie winks at Niamh. "You know what? I would like some. Thank you."

"You can have as many as you want!"

"What?" Niamh demands," What about me?!"

You give her a disappointed look like Morsa does when Momma puts broccoli in the oven and calls it cooking. "Maybe if you didn't steal some earlier, I would let you have some now. Stealing is bad Niamh."

"Yeah, Niamh," Jessie snickers," Stealing is bad."

Niamh doesn't steal any more of your fries so you finish your mac and cheese and share the rest of your fries with Jessie just to prove a point.

"Tigers now?" You ask after Niamh brings you back from the toilets.

"I don't know..." Jessie pretends to think, tapping her finger against her chin," Aren't there more animals to see first?"

"Jessie, please!" You grab her hand and try to pull her up," Time to see the tigers."

"Alright," She says eventually, right when Niamh swings you up for a piggyback ride," Let's go see the tigers."

You've been out a long while, hours since you left the house and in that time, Magda and Pernille have done a deep clean. They've washed the floors, cleaned up the shower, changed all the bedsheets and done three rounds of laundry.

It's a little empty in the house without you and Magda feels herself just kind of drifting around, anxiously looking out through the windows for Niamh's car.

"Waiting around won't make them come back quicker. They're getting dinner right now."

"Dinner? I thought we were feeding her tonight!"

"I'm sure she'll be hungry when she comes in," Pernille shrugs, flipping aimlessly through the tv channels," But hopefully, they've worn her out enough that she'll just want to go straight to bed without a bath. I mean-"

The doorbell rings and Magda doesn't stick around long enough to hear the end of Pernille's sentence.

"Morsa!" You say as Magda throws up the door.

She stares down at you in shock.

"Got my face painted like a tiger! Rawr!"

You're definitely going to need a bath tonight.

[pargolettasworld]

So, because I am incurably, morbidly curious, I watched Jessie Gender's four-hour-and-seventeen-minute-long video on . . . well, the title suggests "Zionism, Antisemitism, and the Left." To her credit, Gender does touch on all three of these topics, though not with the same degree of skill, graciousness, or understanding of the topics at hand. I've just had a very nice dinner, and I'm feeling generous, so let's see how this video stacks up. Strap in. This is going to get long.

I should admit right off the bat that I'm only a casual, occasional watcher of Jessie Gender. I'm not a deep fan, and I'm sure there is Jessie Gender Lore™ out there that I'm not aware of, but I think I've seen enough of her videos to get a general sense of her house style. This video hits a lot of the hallmarks of her style. She speaks very fast and very passionately, occasionally trips over her own words (something that I've done many a time, so I really do feel that), and is inordinately fond of nominalizations. She's especially fond of the word "ostracization," for some reason, which drives me nuts because "ostracism" is right there. So, in style, it appears to hew to the Jessie Gender House Style pretty well.

On to the video itself. The first thing I will observe about it is that it is in every possible way a meeting that could have been an email. There was no need for this to be the same length as the Extended Edition of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003). There's a lot of padding, significant digressions, and a certain degree of repetition. It's easy to forget the beginning of the video by the time you're an hour into the thing.

The major question that hangs over this opus is: Why, and for whom, was it made? I'm honestly not sure who the intended audience for this thing is, nor why Gender felt that she had to make it. She alludes in the first half hour to feeling like she's lost the trust and support of some of her Jewish fans/friends/acquaintances/Patreon patrons, and she chalks it up to a previous video that she made (which I have not seen, and which I am not inclined to seek out). But neither the structure nor the thesis nor the conclusion of the video seem like they would win back any of these folks.

I don't think that Jewish viewers are her intended audience -- certainly not with the way she talks about Jews throughout the video. I'm also having a hard time believing that really committed leftists are her audience, either, since I don't think she's really saying much that leftists haven't already heard, or offering new perspectives on her topic(s). And anyone who has made it this far into the year of 5784 and is still undecided about the contemporary iteration of The Jewish Question is probably not going to be interested in sitting through nearly four and a half hours of relentless lecture. So I'm still left wondering why, and for whom, did Jessie Gender make this video?

Gender assures us, her viewers, of several things that are meant to be reassuring. She's done lots and lots of research, for one thing. And she's asked some-of-her-best-friends-who-are-Jewish to be sensitivity readers. We're given to understand that we are hearing the nitpicked, edited, and polished version of the script. I'd hate to see what the first draft looked like . . .

She also tells us that there are going to be lots of Foreign Words And Names, and that she and her mouth-hole have A Hard Time pronouncing Foreign Words And Names. Her loyal staff have made her a pronunciation guide -- which appears to have been used perhaps as a drinks coaster, since there are some howlers here. The Jews originating from the MENA regions are the "Misrai" (Mizrahi) Jews, the first Prime Minister of Israel was "David Ben-Gron" (David Ben-Gurion), the Revisionist Zionist leader was "Zeeeeeeeeev Zarbinsky" (Ze'ev Jabotinsky), and the Palestinian uprisings of 1987 - 1993 and 2000 - 2005 go by the name "Infitada" (Intifada).

You know that phrase "If white people can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Schwarzenegger, they can learn to say [your name from an African or Asian language]?" I agree completely with the conclusion, but I question the premise. Jessie Gender makes me question the premise harder. If she had any real interest in the topic, she would have practiced those names, but I don't think she does, so she didn't.

Moving on to the actual content of the video. It's . . . weird. Jessie Gender begins the video believing that Zionism is an evil force for colonialism, White supremacy, oppression, and genocide. She ends the video believing that Zionism is an evil force for colonialism, White supremacy, oppression, and genocide. But along the way, she's confronted with quite a lot of inconvenient facts that threaten to complicate this perspective.

Gender devotes roughly two hours and fifteen minutes of her video, a smidge over half of the runtime, on three segments that offer a history of Zionism, the iterations of Zionism as a political ideology, and what she calls "Zionism as emotion," which is a condescending way to refer to the importance of Zionism to Jews. I'd guess that her research for these segments might have surprised her. It turns out, per Jessie Gender, that there is both a reason behind and a context for nineteenth-century Zionism, quite a lot of logic behind why the Jews wanted to go to Israel, and ample evidence that a majority of Jews have some kind of stake in both Israel and some variation of Zionism.

The reason I think that this research might have surprised her is that she ends each of these segments with a small diatribe about the evil colonialist, capitalist, oppressive, genocidal force that is Zionism, even as the segments suggest nuance, logic, and reason behind the philosophy. We can't have that on a good lefty video, though, can we? The more Gender confronts evidence that there is more to Zionism than meets her eyes, the more she doubles down, digs in her heels, and refuses to accept even the barest shreds of non-negativity about Zionism. Every now and then, she comes up with a lovely sentence or two that shows some understanding of a Jewish perspective on the world, but then furiously backpedals -- we mustn't forget that this Jewish perspective of oppression, mass murder, and international blame has only led to the Evil Of Zionism, after all.

What's really fascinating is how hard she works to avoid blaming actual Jews for all of this evil. I think she's doing this with the best of intentions. A for effort. C for effect. She wants to make a distinction between "Zionism" and "Judaism," in the sense of "Zionism does not equate to Judaism, so being antisemitic to Judaism because you hate Zionism is bad." She tries so hard that she loses sight of the actual people involved. There are a lot of places where she talks about "Judaism" where what she actually means is "the Jews." Or, as she calls us, "Jewish people." Which isn't bad, and it isn't really wrong, but it doesn't quite communicate the sense of Am Yisrael that is at the heart of Zionism.

In fact, she's so desperate to separate Zionism from Jewish people that she starts to talk about it almost as an individual character in the story, with agency, desires, wishes, and goals of its own, totally disconnected from the people who created it. Zionism demands the genocide of Palestinians, Zionism needs colonialism, Zionism has a nice lunch date with neoliberalism and spends the afternoon browsing department stores with capitalism. In effect, Zionism becomes the dragon, and Gender really wishes that the passive, easily-led Jewish people would unite behind some White Knight and slay the dragon so everyone could be happy and free and leftist. Despite the two hours she spent on her deep dive into the history and meaning of Zionism, she cannot fathom why the Jewish people don't just do this.

I said earlier that quite a lot of this video consists of padding. Gender identifies herself as a lefty anarchist, opposed to nation-states, capitalism, neoliberalism, the United States, the British Empire, Israel, Joe Biden, "Ka-MAH-la" Harris, transphobia in Western societies . . . the usual suspects. Frequently, especially in the back half of the video, she'll wander off into long fantasias about the crimes against liberty perpetrated by the West at large, as well as their character Capitalism, and then remember that this is supposed to be a video about Zionism, and then finish with the equivalent of "Peter Rabbit did sort of that kind of thing, too."

One of the alleged purposes of this video is to discuss Antisemitism On The Left, but Gender . . . pretty much elides doing that. She gets close a couple of times, and she does grudgingly admit that some leftists coming from some branches of leftism might sometimes say things that might be antisemitic, and that's Bad, and it makes Jewish people feel Unsafe and Not Inclined To Agree With Leftists that The Dragon Known As Zionism Must Be Slain Heroically. But don't stress about it. The important thing is that Israel Must Stop Its Genocide and Palestinians Should Have Self-Determination (which is only withheld from them by Israel -- excuse me, by Zionism -- and certainly not by those eminently-justified-if-a-little-uncouth plucky fighters, Hamas.

There are quite a lot of lengthy quotes from Sources, read by guest stars, which is a nice touch to break up the video. The vast majority of these Sources -- especially the ones in the "history of Zionism" segment -- are not actually written by Zionists. You get a lot of academic pontificating about the failures, shortcomings, and nefarious activities of Zionism, but you hear almost nothing from actual Zionists, especially contemporary Zionists. This does not look nearly as good or as well-researched as it's meant to look.

So what do we get in the end, after four hours and seventeen minutes of watching this? Honestly . . . not much. Gender gives enough background on the history of Zionism, antisemitism, and Jewish attitudes toward Israel that hardcore leftists watching will be more annoyed than convinced. She condescends to both Jews and Arabs, mentioning repeatedly that she, as a White Gentile, really doesn't have any business butting in on these complex questions -- but that's not going to stop her from butting in like the lefty shiksa she is! She's too mealy-mouthed to come right out and say anything blatantly antisemitic, but disdain for Jewish concepts of homeland, belonging, origin, and self-determination pervade the whole thing.

I don't think that Jessie Gender is an idiot -- she seems to be pretty smart, and has both a firm sense of her own political philosophy and the stick-to-it-ive-ness to do far more research into things like the development of Zionism and the history of antisemitism than one might expect. But the video really is, to bring up a playwright from the hated West, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

[hgfictionwriter]

Revelations: Part Five

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Tensions and emotion have been building for weeks and weeks. You're still trying to reconcile what your relationship - and your future - was, and what it is now. Everything comes to a head.

Warnings: Angst. Mention of masturbation and sex. Language.

A/N: Rest of the series can be found here.

"How's my beautiful girl? I can't wait to see how gorgeous you'll look."

You sighed inwardly as you read Jessie's text as you and your friends waited. You were wedding dress shopping today and this was your first booking of the day.

Jessie's text sparked a smile, however it was brief as your eye was drawn to the prior messages from the other day.

------

"Hey, I know it's [y/friend's] birthday dinner on Friday and the reservation is at 6:00. Do you know if we're all starting right away or do you think there'll be drinks first and then dinner later?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"Well, it's just that Zoie starts swimming Friday and her class starts at 5:30. I'm just trying to sort out how I might be able to do both."

"Babe?"

"I don't have to go to her class. It's totally fine. There'll be others."

"It's fine Jess. Just show up when you can."

"No, it's okay. They probably won't even do much day one. I'll go to the next one."

"Jess. Go to Zoie's class. She'd want you there."

"You sure? It's not too, too far from where you guys are meeting. So I shouldn't be overly late. I'll bring [y/friend] a bottle of her favourite wine."

"All good. We'll be happy to see you whenever you get there."

-------

You sighed again as you finished rereading. Your thumb hovered over the keyboard and you found it difficult to muster up the energy to respond. You did though.

"You know you're not supposed to see the wedding dress until the actually wedding, right? lol"

You name was called and your head snapped up and a polite smile crossed your face as you stood. You tucked your phone away and your friends ushered you along after the consultant.

"It says here you have a December wedding," the consultant remarked as she turned to you with a warm smile while you walked.

"Oh, yeah," you answered tepidly, somehow caught off guard by the comment.

"Winter weddings are nice! And we don't get quite as many of those," she commented lightly as she continued to lead you and your friends to the room at the back.

"Oh. My fiancée is a footballer, so we scheduled it during her off season."

"Very nice," she said. "Now, what kind of a style were you thinking for your dress?" She asked as you reached your destination and she turned to you with clasped hands awaiting your response.

Your mind went eerily blank. You'd envisioned a dress, or at least a couple, several times before. You'd pictured Jessie standing at the end of the aisle, tears in her eyes as she watched you walk down the aisle. You'd pictured how tenderly she'd hold your hands as you said your vows. You'd pictured her slipping the band on your finger. The kiss.

But right now you just felt tired and you mind slowly churned as it tried to conjure up a vision.

You blushed in embarrassment. "Um, I don't really know. Whatever looks good, I guess," you said with a laugh you hoped didn't sound too forced.

Your friends immediately jumped in with ideas and for that were you thankful.

Soon you were offered option after option after option. One dress held up after another, each awaiting your approval or disapproval, everyone watching you closely. You could feel your nerves starting to fray as this whole exercise began to overwhelm you.

Eventually, to put a stop to the carousel of dresses, you picked the one that actually stayed in your mind throughout the barrage of options. Everyone chattered excitedly as the dress was retrieved and the consultant opened the lush curtains to the fitting room.

You stepped in and she began to prepare some things for you. Subconsciously you retrieved your phone, looking for some kind of distraction and reprieve from the way your heart was beating loud in your chest.

You opened Instagram mindlessly and the first story on your feed was one Sara posted.

You hadn't wanted to add her. But she extended an invite, and, well, Jessie had her now too, so you might as well be in than out.

You vaguely noted the consultant talking to you over her shoulder, but you were more focused on the clip of Jessie and Zoie kicking a soccer ball back and forth at the park, laughing and running together. The caption, "She wants to be just like her mama" sent a searing pain through your chest.

"Okay, you're all set."

"Hm?" You asked blankly as you looked up from your phone to the woman. Your eyes darted between her and the dress and you plastered a smile on your face. "Oh, great. Thank you."

"Don't worry much about fit right now. It's probably going to feel bulky and not quite right, but that's all stuff we tailor and sort out as part of the alterations. Now, do you want to call one of your friends in to help with the dress?"

"Oh, yeah," you said as you shook your head out with another practiced smile while you tried to stay present.

Your friend helped you step into the dress and you even managed to have a laugh during the whole process as she zipped you up. A soft smile was still on your face as she turned you towards the full-length mirrors. She rested her hands on your shoulders as she took you in, a smile of awe on her face.

You looked at your reflection as you stood there in what could be your wedding dress. You were smiling in the mirror, a smile of yours that had become second nature the past few months and one that you were oh so sick of. This image before you - you smiling in this gorgeous gown, a vision of you at the alter - it felt distant and foreign. You didn't recognize this person.

"You look stunning. What do you think?" Your friend asked. You smiled further.

"I like it," you lied.

As she unzipped you later, you purposefully made a request that drew her away and left you to stand there quietly in front of the mirror alone as you held up the dress with one hand.

This should've been a joyous moment. Instead, you felt like you were mourning a future that never came to be.

That image of Jessie laughing and running around with Zoie - knowing that it was Sara watching on, not you - flashed through your mind.

There were two parallel worlds happening. Jessie your fiancée. Jessie, doting parent to a daughter that wasn't yours, dedicated co-parent and partner to someone who wasn't you.

You stared at yourself for a few moments before your eyes began to sting and your lip trembled. You immediately turned away and took a deep, shuddering breath.

You had a choice to make. Or rather, whether you liked it or not, it felt like the choice had been made for you.

---------

You heard Jessie's key slide into the lock and the bolt turn before the door opened. Her voice carried down the hall as you heard her taking off her shoes, bags rustling in hand.

"Hey, you didn't get back to me, so I just picked up some stuff for stir fry. Is that okay?"

You didn't reply.

Instead, you remained seated at the kitchen table, shoulders slack and body listless as you stared vacantly at the shining diamond ring you'd set in the middle of the table. This ring that she'd bought and given to you with love, with promise, intent and dreams.

You absently rubbed your ring finger that now felt naked. In the grand scheme of things, the ring hadn't been on your finger for all that long, but you felt something akin to phantom sensations despite it.

"Oh, there you are. Are you-"

Jessie's words died off as did her steps as she came to a stop a couple of feet from you. You didn't have to look up to know her eyes were fixed on the ring as well.

You room was heavy with silence before you finally forced yourself to look up at her. You could feel tears forming behind your eyes already. Her gaze shifted from the ring to you and you immediately noticed the shimmering of her eyes.

She visibly swallowed and when she spoke her voice trembled just so despite the faint smile she tried to force. "Hey, what's going on?"

You inhaled as you shifted in your seat to face her. You went to speak, but your throat constricted with impending emotion and your lip began to quiver as tears threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry," you managed to say as you looked up at her. She dropped your gaze, eyes shifting to the floor and you noted how her hands balled tightly into fists as she tried to control her emotions. Her eyes remained transfixed on the floor and you repeated yourself, your voice wavering this time. "I'm sorry, Jess."

She didn't say anything right away and you were about to speak when a tear fell from her, catching the light from the room before it hit the ground.

She looked up at you, eyes brimming with tears and looking so crestfallen. Her cheeks were flushed red; you reflected idly on how there was a time when you'd have inspired that in her as a blush, now here you were breaking her heart.

Your shoulders shook as your own tears began to overtake you. You sniffled and began to speak, feeling the need to explain and to fill this aching silence.

"It's not that I don't love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. You're everything I could ever want," your voice rose in pitch as your vocal cords strained. "But I just feel like every day - at one point or another - my heart is getting broken over and over again. I thought I'd be able to fix things. To just get over things. But I haven't. And I'm just starting to feel numb. I-I just don't know what to do anymore."

Jessie's breathing hitched as she began to muster a response, but you forged on feeling like if you didn't say everything you needed to now, you'd just fall back into her arms and that's where you'd stay.

"You have a new life. A new family-" You saw her ready to interject and you cut her off "-it's true, Jess. I know I'm your family, too. But so is Zoie. And Sara. I know you try to dismiss your connection with her, but you are tied to her forever. And I know you don't want to give her precedence over me, but reality is, she's the mother of your child and always will be. You need to put Zoie first, and by proxy, at times Sara - and I can't fault you for that. Your duty and your dedication to your loved ones is one of the many things about you I fell in love with," you forced a laugh as tears fell. You looked at her sadly.

"You gained a family. And I feel like I lost one. It's no one's fault. Maybe that's what makes it so hard." You took a shaky breath. "I think I would've handled this better if I'd come in knowing you had this. But for it to come up the way it has...it's turned everything upside down for me and I just don't know how to right it. I wish I did," you said remorsefully as you dropped her gaze and blinked through more tears. Your hands shook as you wrung them before looking up at her.

"I just don’t feel like I fit anymore. I’ve been trying. I want nothing more than a future with you, but it just doesn’t feel right anymore.”

Jessie had been crying quietly as she listened to you speak. Her face was red, her cheeks tear-stained as her chest hitched now and then with unsteady breaths.

Surprise flooded your system and she knelt in front of you. Here she was, on bended knee, taking your hands in hers, sorrow in her eyes and such a contrast from when she knelt before you in much the same way many months before, except that time with unhindered hope and love as she asked you to be hers forever.

“Please don’t do this. I know it’s hard right now. But we can find a way. It’ll get better. And easier. I promise," Jessie beseeched as she looked up at you from her position on the floor.

You didn't know what to say. There wasn't really anything to say. So you just smiled apologetically, hoping she could see how much this was breaking your heart as well.

Jessie searched your eyes and you saw her expression fall furthermore as she cried anew. She clutched your hands as quiet sobs began to take her.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. I never wanted this to happen," she said through her cries. It tore you apart seeing her like this, but in some bizarre way it actually affirmed your decision. You squeezed her hands, caressing the back of them tenderly with your thumbs.

“I know, baby. But I guess this is just how life is. Things can be unexpected. And they don’t always go the way you planned. And this is exactly why this won’t work. You shouldn’t have to feel sorry. You shouldn’t have to apologize. You have a gorgeous, sweet little girl. And there’s nothing wrong with that. At all. She deserves all of you and you shouldn't have to choose. And I know I'm the one who's been forcing you to."

You paused, trying to gather your composure, but your voice was still taut as you spoke.

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish. But I also know I'd never forgive myself if Zoie got even the slightest sense that any of this...strife, or difficulty, was because of her. She doesn't deserve that and it's certainly not her fault."

Jessie looked ready to protest. You forged on.

"I truly wish the best for you and for Zoie. And even Sara," you added with a watery laugh before you sniffled. "I know it hasn't been easy navigating things, Jess. I know how hard you tried. And it meant so much that you tried." You let out a brief sob. "Thank you for loving me." Jessie's face collapsed in tears as you said that and she reached up to cup your cheek. You couldn't resist leaning into her touch, but you had to finish what you had to say.

"I stopped wishing that I had gotten to you first. Then you'd be mine, and we could have our old life, or God, that it would be our child we're raising. But even that didn't feel good, because then Zoie wouldn't exist. And that's not right. She's added so much light and love to your life, to your family's - and despite the complications, mine too. I just can't embrace everything the way you have. I can't let go of what I wanted."

You took a shaky breath.

"To be honest - I just don't like who I am right now. How I've been feeling. What I'm bringing to our relationship. So," your features screwed up as you tried to put on a brave face, "it's time for me to go."

Jessie shook her head with a pained expression.

"No, you don't have to. Babe, please," she pleaded as more tears fell, "we can figure this out. I know you feel like you don't fit anymore, but you really do. What can I do to help you see that?" You let her question hang and she stared at you expectantly. She tried to smile, but it flickered with the heartache she was feeling. "We belong together. We love each other."

She said it with such finality it almost convinced you that it was enough.

You looked at her with the first real smile in what felt like so long. You were crying through it, but it was real.

"You deserve so much happiness," you said.

Jessie searched your eyes as she absorbed your words. A sob escaped her and she looked down. A moment passed and she leant her head down and kissed your hand, her lips lingering on your skin for several seconds before she pulled back.

She swallowed visibly as she brought her other hand to yours now as well, clasping yours in both of hers. Her eyes were still trained down as she nodded once. A beat passed and she looked up at you, brown eyes glistening and mournful, but somehow still full of love. She nodded once more as she gave you as brave a smile as she could, no matter how heartbroken she was.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, too," she whispered, voice breaking.

She rose up higher onto her knees and you both met in a soft, tight embrace. Cries wracked your body and hers as you clung onto one another. You inhaled her scent, eyes closing as you willed yourself to remember it; to remember the feel of her hair, the sound and feel of her breath, the feel of her body against yours - you engrained it all.

---------

Sometimes, when a relationship ends, you don't know how the other person will be. Someone who you felt you knew so well can become a stranger overnight. But, that wasn't the case with Jessie.

She was gracious and loving despite the breakup. So much so that sometimes you had to remind her - as painful as it was - that you didn't belong to each other anymore.

"Hey, I'll be home late night. Midfielders are doing some extra technical work this afternoon. I'll text you when I'm done though. I could bring you home dinner or something though?" She'd asked hopefully one time as you both readied for the day.

"That's sweet of you to offer, but it's okay. And it's considerate, but you don't need to keep me apprised of your day. You don't owe me that," you gently reminded her. She gave you a tight, pained smile as she nodded her acceptance.

"Right," she said with a weak laugh. "Well. I guess I'll see you later, then. Um. Have a good day."

The few weeks until you could take possession of a new apartment had been awkward and delicate. You offered to move in with a friend in the interim, but Jessie had convinced you not to. Well, she wasn't wrong that living out of a suitcase for that long would be unnecessarily annoying, and there was certainly no point in moving all of your things twice. So, you'd stayed, with Jessie insisting on relegating herself to an air mattress in the living room. You'd argued with her, but she'd dug her heels in.

The days went by slowly, and at the same time, your move in date grew steadily closer and the pit in your stomach grew just the same. You'd had cold feet several times, but knew it was just some misguided part of you looking for the easy path and short-term pay-off.

It was hard to not have doubts when - despite everything - you and Jessie still got along so well. While it was undeniably hard to be in the same room as her and not be with her, it was still easy in a way. When you allowed yourself, you could chat about your days, even laugh.

What caused the most confusion was probably the fact that you didn't know how to be Jessie's friend. Even when you and her had been just friends at the beginning - a lifetime ago now - there was always something underlying. You had chemistry from the get-go and it was near impossible to deny.

And now, after everything, how could you possibly pretend to just be friends. How could you pretend you weren't in love with her? How could you pretend that this woman sitting a couple feet from you on the couch didn't preoccupy your every thought and could make or break you with her words.

Hell, that not only did she own your heart and mind, but your body, too. That as you laid there lonely in this bed you used to share, that your hand strayed as memories flooded your senses. Of all those nights, mornings, stolen moments, where she made love to you so passionately and desperately. The feeling so intimate and tender, like you were the only person on this earth with her and you the only one who could give her what she needed while she was the only one who could make you whole.

And with the way she looked at you - sometimes unabashed, sometimes fleeting - how could you pretend that she didn't feel the same way?

During moments of weakness, it seemed a silly thing to fight. In a world as dark and lonely as this one could be, why would you leave someone you loved and who loved you back?

But when Jessie spent nights coordinating things with Sara and then went out with her and Zoie on others, you remembered.

The day came when you took possession of your new apartment. You'd initially resisted her offer to help you move, but your resolve weakened and failed.

She'd worn a bright smile all day as she cheerfully tackled every task. You knew her well though; she was trying far too hard.

She helped you arrange furniture, move boxes around, check all the fixtures in the new place, the list went on. Even after you'd dismissed your friends, she'd insisted on sticking around and began helping you unpack.

Her eager assistance carried on into the night. Each time she finished one task, she readily started on another and good-naturedly dismissed your offers to let her stop.

As she chatted fast and constant throughout the night, hitting any and every topic she could, you saw this woman before you - the woman you well and truly loved - making every excuse to not leave. And truthfully, you were happy to delay the inevitable goodbye.

So for now, you both knew what she was doing, but neither of you vocalized it.

You eventually checked your phone. 12:30 am.

"Okay, so I was thinking of unpacking your books over here for now. I saw this really nice bookcase online the other day - I can get it for you over the weekend if you like. I think it could go really well over here. And-"

"Jess."

Her movements stilled and the room grew silent and heavy. She slowly turned to face you and you could see her thinly veiled trepidation.

You offered her a regretful smile as you fought back emotions and grief that began to bubble up inside of you.

"You should go...," you said gently.

She held your gaze for several moments, seemingly teetering on the edge of whether to protest or not. She nodded sadly and forced a smile that faltered as her eyes began to fill with tears.

She forced a laugh as she closed the space between you.

"It's a nice place. Could use some colour, but I know you'll take care of that," she said as she scratched nervously at the back of her neck and gave another weak laugh.

"Thanks for all of your help. Truly," you said.

Her eyes brimmed with tears and her mouth quivered faintly. "Anytime," she said, voice thick with emotion.

She stared at you a moment longer before exhaling, puffing out her cheeks before trying to choke back tears. "I know we're not together. But," she paused, debating her words, "I really do love you. I know you can't make any promises, but, if you're open to it I want you in my life." A quiet sob veiled as a laugh escaped her. "I don't know what my life looks like without you."

"I love you, too, Jessie," you said. You couldn't lie about that.

She embraced you and you held each other tightly in a lingering, tearful hug. Neither of you wanted to be the first to let go.

You eventually conceded and gingerly, regretfully, extracted yourself from her arms. Her fingers lingered as long as she could let them before you stepped back.

You gave her a watery smile.

"Take care of yourself, Jessie."

The statement seemed to wound her, but she covered it up with a tight smile.

"You too."

As you stood before her, a brief recollection came to you of a time long past; your first date. Even then, you knew with absolutely certainty you were going to see her again. As soon as possible if you could help it.

For the first time since the beginning, you didn't know if or when you'd see her again.

You gave her another quick hug, yet again committing her and everything about her to memory.

"I'll see you," you said softly as you hugged her. "And we'll talk soon. Good night, Jess."

Her cheek brushed against yours as she slowly pulled back. Her eyes shone with fresh tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it, offering you a renewed smile instead.

"Good night, Y/N."

----

A/N: I did say that things would get a lot rougher before they got better. Let me know your thoughts.

Tag requests: @marvelwomen-simp @valuyhh

[megalony]

I Need To Help You- Part 2

This is a follow up to my Eddie Diaz imagine, thank you all for the amazing feedback on the first part. I hope you will all like this one.

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Part 1

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) hasn't been feeling well lately, and when she gets worse while Eddie is at work, Chris has to call him to come home and help.

Enjoy.

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"How far along were you, roughly?"

Leaning forward, (Y/n) crumpled her chest over until it was almost touching her thighs with her arms bound around her middle and her forehead tipped down on her knees. A groan tumbled past her lips and she rode out the tremors that started to rise back through her system again.

Why was nobody listening to her? Why was everyone presuming she was lying to them? Could nobody see this from her point of view? This was the third person to come into their room and start asking the same questions they had answered the first time around when they got here.

"I don't know! Why aren't you l-listening to me?" Uncurling one hand from her stomach, (Y/n) reached behind her and clamped her hand down around Eddie's wrist when he held onto her shoulder. He sat down just behind her on the bed and leaned forward to kiss the back of her neck.

"Do you think we would of had no antenatal care if we knew she was pregnant? Or that we'd have a home birth with no midwife and no fucking help? Until she gave birth we didn't know she was pregnant."

They would have gone to antenatal check ups and had scans and gotten themselves prepared for this if they knew. They wouldn't leave everything until the day (Y/n) gave birth and hope for the best. This wasn't their idea of a joke and it was far from a practical situation.

"W-where is she?" (Y/n) lifted her head up just enough to do a sweep around the room. She felt like she had blacked out when they brought her through the emergency room and into this room. She hadn't realised Hen had left the room until a few minutes later when she suddenly didn't hear her baby's cries anymore. And that had been near enough half an hour ago since they arrived and their daughter still wasn't back yet.

Hen had rode in the back of the ambulance with (Y/n) and Eddie while Chimney drove the ambulance. Bobby had taken the truck back to the station with Buck and Chris who were heading back to Eddie's house now so Buck could watch Chris until tomorrow. And Bobby had done a quick hand over with the B shift and was now on his way here to check how they were all getting on.

"She's gone to get weighed and checked over, then we'll bring her back to you. Your exam looked fine, nothing retained and the bleeding stopped before you arrived which is good. I'm going to give you some pain relief and a few things to level out your system and combat the shock."

"I wanna go home."

(Y/n) couldn't help the whine that burned at the back of her throat and she turned her head to the side to bury her face in Eddie's neck. Her arm looped around the back of his neck and she pushed herself into his chest until he practically pulled her into his lap.

(Y/n) didn't want to stay here. She had been checked out and their daughter was being looked after. But now she wanted to go home. (Y/n) wanted to get some morphine and go home and curl up with Eddie, Chris and their sudden, new addition.

"We can't go home yet-"

"Eddie, please, please." Tears continued to burn down her face as she clutched at Eddie tighter as if gripping onto him for dear life would make him change his mind.

"No, mi amor you've just had a baby, we're staying here. You're gonna be fine, I'm not leaving you here alone." He smoothed his hand up and down her arm, gently swaying them from side to side. He couldn't take her home no matter how desperately he wanted to, but Eddie wasn't going to run off and leave (Y/n) here on her own. He was staying with her until he could take her and their baby back home safe and sound.

"We would like to keep you in overnight for observation and to make sure baby can take her first feed properly, you both need a bit of TLC."

(Y/n) didn't answer. She knew she wasn't being asked, she was being told and she could understand keeping the baby here for a while. She had been a surprise, there could be any number of complications wrong with her and she needed to be watched so they could ensure she would be okay to go home. But (Y/n) didn't want to stay.

"I'll go fetch a nurse to give you the shots and set you up with some fluids." The doctor smiled at them weakly before she turned and headed out the room, leaving the door open when she passed someone outside.

"How are we doing?" Bobby rapped his knuckles on the door and poked his head round, grinning softly when Eddie waved him inside.

He was family, with Eddie's family being back in Texas and his relationship with his own dad being strained, Bobby was almost a surrogate father to him and most of the team. He didn't have to stand and lurk in doorways waiting for permission to come in. Bobby walked over and sat down in the chair on the right side of the bed. And he leaned across to rest his hand comfortingly on (Y/n)'s knee.

"I feel sick." (Y/n) grumbled quietly as she shifted around on the bed. She crossed her legs beneath her and slumped her back up against Eddie's chest, smiling weakly when Eddie's arms curled around her waist. He rubbed his hands soothingly over her aching stomach and pressed his lips to the top of her head with a small smile.

"I can imagine… right, now I've brought some of the paperwork with me to finish up while I stay with you and make sure you're both alright." Bobby didn't want to bombard either of them if they were in too much shock to think and go over things right now. But he suspected that they would want something to take their minds off of things and it would keep them all occupied.

Bobby knew (Y/n) didn't do well in hospitals. He had restrained (Y/n) with Eddie on more than one occasion when she tried to discharge herself from the hospital even though she had been in bad condition. And either way right now, Bobby wasn't going anywhere so he could fill some other forms in if they weren't up to it yet.

He was staying until (Y/n) was checked onto a ward and the baby was given the all clear. Then he would have to make a few calls and sort some cover shifts since Eddie would now be going on leave.

Eddie nodded and ran a hand over his jaw and chin before he went back to keeping his arms tight around (Y/n), holding her into his chest. He began swaying them from left to right as he watched Bobby.

Bobby rummaged around in his pocket for a pen and set all the papers he brought with him down on the little pull across table. He could fill out the incident report on his own when he was back at the station, but he needed to write a few things down now and get ready for Eddie's time off.

There was protocols to follow whenever a family member was taken to hospital or treated out on a call, and (Y/n) was family. And they had to write up what happened on their calls to prove they gave the right treatment, just in case anyone tried to sue.

"You didn't know you were pregnant, right? I just need to be sure."

"No… I thought I was having a prolapse." (Y/n) huffed and glanced down at her hands as she spoke. But keeping her eyes open felt too hard and she was too exhausted to be embarrassed.

She let her eyes close and snuggled down against Eddie's chest, clinging to his arms that were wrapped around her chest and waist. She needed whatever comfort she could get right now and her body was still shaking and spasming in his arms.

She didn't suspect she might be even one month pregnant. She had been waiting just over a month or so for her latest period to happen but she was usually random and late so it wasn't a big deal. Clearly, what she thought was a short period had been spotting during the pregnancy. (Y/n) would have told Eddie if she suspected anything. They had talked, briefly, about starting a family and if she thought that was happening she would have told him.

When the pains got worse (Y/n) thought she was having a prolapse or having some kind of blockage or a hernia. A baby didn't cross her mind at all.

"Okay," Bobby's voice was soft and he briefly gave (Y/n)'s knee a squeeze while he jotted a few more notes down.

This was mainly to cover themselves and so he could get Eddie some emergency annual leave approved. They were supposed to give four weeks notice for any leave they wanted but Eddie couldn't have done that in this situation and he undoubtedly needed time to be home with his family right now.

(Y/n) reached down to grab Eddie's hand and started to mess around with his fingers. She swirled the wedding ring around a few times and traved the pad of her finger up and down his hand with a feather-like touch.

"I don't think the Chief will have a problem with you're early leave. I've approved you for two weeks, if you need any more than that just let me know. I'll pinch someone from another station to cover your shifts."

Bobby hastily wrote a little paragraph, trying to keep his hand steady as possible. It didn't have to be long-winded, his incident report would be long enough and contain all the details. But he needed a brief summary and once Eddie signed off on it, he would be on annual leave as of now.

"I'm sure Maddie will help you get your maternity leave from work, but if you need me to do anything in that regard, I'd be happy to."

A quiet groan left (Y/n)'s lips as she pushed further back into Eddie, feeling tears tracing down the bridge of her nose at the thought of work.

She was supposed to be on shift at dispatch in the morning. She hadn't even told Maddie what had happened or had chance to get hold of Sue and explain that she wouldn't be on shift for the next few months. How was she going to explain this?

'Sorry I can't come into work, I've had a baby?'

No one was going to believe her. They would think she was crazy or had tried to hide the pregnancy. Maddie wasn't going to believe this and (Y/n) had a feeling Buck would have rung her by now anyway to give the gossip and explain what their little sister had gone and done.

"They'll fire me." She mewled, letting the tears splash down her face as she smothered her face into Eddie's arm and curled her knees up to her aching stomach that was on fire.

"No they won't, mi amor."

"How could I not h-have known?"

Tears continued to stream down (Y/n)'s face and the trembling in her system got worse. Eddie pulled his lower lip between his teeth as his cheek brushed against the top of her head. He held her tighter, trying his best to comfort her as he hushed her quietly.

"It happens, baby. Sue will understand, I'll talk to her, don't worry." Eddie had always gotten along with Sue down at dispatch and he knew she was the understanding type.

She would immediately understand because she knew (Y/n) and had seen her every week when she was at work. She had clearly seen that (Y/n) didn't look pregnant and that she hadn't told anyone or acted like she was and she would see that this wasn't some great scheme. Sue would understand their predicament and approve (Y/n)'s leave and try to help where she could.

Bobby put his paperwork away before he reached out and rubbed (Y/n)'s arm affectionately.

"I'll speak to Sue in the morning, I can get the doctor to fax her a report from tonight and your medical history. That will show you haven't received any antenatal care and Sue will need to approve you for maternity leave, it won't be an issue."

(Y/n) managed to open her eyes that were still watering when she looked across at Bobby. He would do that for them? He would speak to the doctor and Sue and try to sort this so they didn't have to worry? Affection flooded her eyes and she tried to smile his way, despite how her head was fogging over and she just knew once she was given that morphine, she would be out like a light.

She only wished they could have done this pregnancy ordeal in the usual fashion.

Things would have been so much easier if they'd of only known about the baby beforehand. Why did (Y/n)'s body have to be different and conceal this little fact- this little life- from her like a surprise present she wasn't supposed to know about?

Why couldn't she have known before now? Eight months of nothing and then all of a sudden, she was landed with a baby in her arms.

***

"Okay?" Eddie's lips attached to the side of (Y/n)'s head and his hands found her arms, giving a gentle squeeze as he walked up behind her. His chest merged against her back and he smiled softly against her skin when she let herself lean back into him.

"It feels like a dream." Her head tilted back on his shoulder but her eyes wouldn't drift away from the newborn in her arms.

It was too strange to be real.

They were about to walk into their home with a baby. (Y/n) still couldn't believe this weight in her arms was her own little girl; her own version of her and Eddie. This was their baby that they were bringing home.

She wasn't going to be back at work for a few months now. She was going to be home looking after Chris and Bella. No more sleep-filled nights. No more time to themselves when Chris was at school and they were off work. Everything was going to be revolving around the kids now, they were going to be looking after a newborn, not just a nine year old.

A worried smile pulled at her lips when Eddie wormed his arms around her, keeping one arm glued to her waist while the other hand carefully rested over Bella who was snuggled into (Y/n)'s arms.

The further they walked up the path, the more trepidation (Y/n) could feel swirling in her stomach, taking over her body. Were they ready for this? What if (Y/n) couldn't do this? What if she wasn't going to be a good mother to a newborn? Chris was different, she had been in his life since he was almost five years old and for the last four years she had taken on the role as his mum.

She had looked after Chris since he was little more than a toddler. She'd never been around when he was born or had much experience with looking after newborns.

This was all foreign territory to her.

"Eddie, we don't have anything ready for her-"

"I'll sort it, I promise, mi amor. Let's just get inside first." He knew (Y/n) had been through enough, he didn't want her to stand around and panic any longer. He would sort everything, Bobby had already given him two weeks off and Buck had today off. Buck would be more than happy to stay with (Y/n) and Chris so Eddie could head out and get everything they would need for Bella.

She stepped back into Eddie, eyes wide when the front door opened before she could even ask Eddie for his key.

Chris was stood on the other side of the door, a bright smile on his face, so wide that he could barely keep his eyes open. And before he uttered one word, Chris pushed forward and barracaded his arms around (Y/n)'s waist with his face meshed into her stomach just beneath her arms. His hands scrunched up in Eddie's waist and he giggled before he tilted his head back and carefully peeked at the bundle in her arms.

He had briefly seen Bella yesterday, but not for long.

After the whole debacle, Chris barely slept, he and Buck had spent most of the night watching movies in the lounge, both too hyped to go to sleep. Then Buck had taken Chris down to see (Y/n) and his new little sister before they both came back home for the rest of the day. Chris hadn't slept much last night either, too excited that his parents and new sibling would be coming back home in the morning. And Chris had been telling everyone he could that his mum had had a surprise baby, and now, finally, they were all going to be back home.

"You're home!"

"We are, now can you let us in?" Eddie quipped back with a smirk plastered across his face and he reached out to ruffle Chris's wild curls that clearly hadn't seen a brush this morning.

Chris whined quietly but he obliged and shuffled back, still keeping his arms about both parents so it looked like he was dragging them in the house.

"There you are, how are you feeling?"

A smile fluttered over (Y/n)'s lips when her brother came into her sights. He reeled an arm around her waist, pulling her out of Eddie's embrace and into his own. Careful not to nudge or squish the newborn in her arms. He grinned down at Bella, brushing his thumb across her cheek. She had been awake and wriggling around yesterday when Buck held her for the first time and he was so proud, just like he was when Jee had been born.

"Rough," (Y/n) mumbled back, but her smile was enough to tell her brother she wasn't upset or distraught. She was coping as well as she could be right now.

She leaned around Buck when a movement caught her eye and her lips quirked up when she noticed her sister hurrying out the kitchen towards them. (Y/n) hadn't talked to Maddie yet, but she knew Buck had told her what had happened. No one had spoken to their parents yet though, (Y/n) wasn't ready to brave that phone call just yet.

"Hi!" Maddie reached out and wrapped (Y/n) up in a tender hug, keeping an air of space between them to be careful of the newborn who was just beginning to stir.

"Now do you believe me?"

"No, no I don't think so." A bright grin spread across Maddie's face and she cooed down at the little girl before stretching her arms down, silently begging for a cuddle of her first niece. "I still can't get over this."

She had seen her sister no more than five days ago and Maddie didn't have the slightest inkling that she had been pregnant. (Y/n) didn't look, feel or act as if she might have been close to giving birth and Maddie couldn't imagine the trauma this had created. Being in so much pain and not understanding why. Giving birth on her own with her son frightened in the next room and her family on their way to help her.

It was a relief to everyone that (Y/n) and the baby were both okay, so many things could have gone wrong that night.

"We have a surprise." Chris grinned up at Eddie and wrapped his arms around his dad's waist before he looked over at Buck. "Can we show them now?" He had waited all morning for them to come home and now they were here, Chris didn't want to wait any longer to show them what the three of them had been up to all day yesterday.

"Go ahead."

Chris grabbed (Y/n)'s hand and started tugging until she relented and slowly followed him down the hall. She felt Eddie's hands on her waist and his lips against the back of her head as they headed down the hall, being dragged along by Chris. Buck was close behind with Maddie beside him and Bella asleep in her arms.

"What are you doing?" Eddie mumbled softly when he noticed Chris aim for the study rather than his or even their bedroom.

Chris began laughing, swaying his and (Y/n)'s entwined hands back and forth while he slowly opened the door to the study and dragged them inside. A loud 'surprise' flew past his lips and he stood, practically vibrating like a rocket about to launch in the middle of the room.

(Y/n) couldn't breathe. All the air disappeared from her lungs and her free hand moved to grab Eddie's wrist, but she could feel him right behind her. His chest tensed and pushed out into her back and his fingers dug into her hips when he looked around the room.

How had they done this in the space of one day?

"You- Jesus, Buck." His words were affectionate, coming out in a breathless huff as he looked over his shoulder. Eyes wide, jaw dropped, shoulders sagging down.

"Now we couldn't get everything sorted, and we weren't sure what colour scheme you'd want, but Chris picked out the stickers and we thought it was better than messing about re-painting the walls." Buck clapped a hand down on Eddie's shoulder while he looked around the room, shoulders tense and chest tight with apprehension.

He didn't want them to feel like he and Maddie had tried to take over, but they wanted to do something to help.

They knew Eddie and (Y/n) would be struggling now they were home. They would have to sort this room into a nursery, buy everything they needed for Bella. Nappies, bottles, clothes, pram, all of that for a start without thinking of the cot or the wipes and accessories and all the necessities they would need. It was a lot.

It was something they should have had the last eight months to sort out slowly, over time. But with how sudden Bella made her arrival, Buck and Maddie thought they should at least lend a hand.

The study was a pale cream, a dusty vanilla shade that actually looked quite nice once the room was cleared out. There had only been a desk and chair, a computer and a few shelves and ornaments on units.

Now though, the room was reinvented.

(Y/n) bit her lip as she looked around, doing slow circles from left to right, taking in the expanse of the room.

Large Winnie The Pooh wall stickers were dotted around the room, various pictures of Winnie with a red balloon, Tigger, Piglet and Eeyore all dancing around the walls. There was a cot on the right side of the room, the old chest of drawers that used to be unused beneath the window was now opposite the cot. And stacks of clothes ranging from mini socks, pull ups, onesies, mittens, bibs and dresses were all neatly stacked and lined up in front of the cot.

Maddie didn't want to put any of the clothes away in case (Y/n) didn't want them all. She thought it would be best to let her sister go through everything and decide what she wanted and what she didn't like.

The nicnacs had been rearranged, most of them taken out of the room. There were teddies in the cot and a few on the shelves. (Y/n) recognised the selection of teddies from her and Eddie's room, the teddies she and Buck had had since they were little which (Y/n) never brought herself to get rid of. And there were a few toys in the cot that she knew belonged to Chris, which he was graciously donating to his little sister.

"Is this okay? Did we do good?" Buck began to run his hands up and down his thighs when neither Eddie nor (Y/n) said anything. They just looked around in wonder like they had walked into Narnia.

"Mum?" Chris continued to bounce up and down, pushing up on his toes and then sinking back down on his heels as he eagerly awaited a response.

He wasn't quite expecting his mum to deadlock her arms around him and drag him into her arms. Her face buried in his curls and he froze for a second when he realised she was crying. But when he felt her kiss his temple, repeating 'thank you, baby' into his hair, he began to giggle. And he was more than eager when she let him go and Eddie reeled him in for a cuddle.

"You- you didn't have to… thank you."

(Y/n) hated the way she trembled when she reached out and wrapped her arms around her big brother. She pulled Buck close and buried her face in his chest, feeling her tears soaking into his shirt, but he just held her tighter. He bound his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head, smiling broadly as if he had just heard news that he was being commemorated for something.

"Anything for you." He wanted to help. He wanted to make himself useful and do something nice for his sister. He didn't want her and Eddie to struggle or panic and anything he could do to make things easier for them, he would.

Easing Bella into her left arm, Maddie reached out and gave (Y/n)'s shoulder a light squeeze as she stepped close to her two siblings.

"It's mostly Jee's old stuff, if you don't mind second-hand? And everyone at the station had a few baby clothes they were more than happy to give. They said call it belated baby shower gifts."

Maddie had agreed immediately when Buck called and asked if she would help him and Chris sort out a nursery for their sister. She had kept Jee's cot and some of her baby clothes and a few toys and dummies and little nicnacs that had all been boxed up. She didn't find it likely that she and Chimney would be having another baby, at least not anytime soon. So she was more than happy to hand most of the stuff over to her little sister to help them out.

And Hen and Karen had a lot of things they had given to Buck since they fostered all different aged kids and had clothes piled up for emergency placements.

"Thank you, this really means a lot." Eddie kept his right arm looped around Chris's shoulders while he reached over and pulled Buck into a hug.

They had saved him and (Y/n) a lot of panicking and rushing about, it was a hefty weight off of their shoulders. Barely two days old and already their little girl was spoiled.

***

Eddie leaned his head around the living room door and took a peek inside. He rose a brow and slowly padded across towards the sofa, taking in the sight of his family. Maddie was curled up on the armchair with Jee perched on her lap, both of them relaxed and looking like they were about to fall asleep.

Chimney was on the other armchair, playing another game of cards with Buck even though Chris had long since given up playing against them and toddled off to his room.

When his eyes landed on his wife, Eddie's smile softened and his arms folded over his chest. (Y/n) was laid on the sofa next to Buck, her legs over his lap, Bella snuggled down on her chest and a blanket over the pair of them. Both girls were fast asleep.

"Comfy?" Eddie murmured, looking across at Buck who was slouched down on the sofa, keeping his cards close to his chest since he kept demanding Chimney was cheating.

"Yep."

Eddie nodded while he crouched down beside the sofa and looked down at Bella. She was probably due another feed now and he would rather do that than wake (Y/n).

He muttered a soft "Come here baby," and eased Bella into his arms as carefully as he could, trying not to wake (Y/n) rather than the newborn. His lips attached to the top of her head and he gently started to sway from one side to the next. He knew he would have to wake (Y/n) soon when the food arrived, but he wanted to let her sleep a bit longer.

Chimney had finished work, picked up Jee and come straight down to see them all and they all decided to have a family night and eat tea together.

When he heard Chris's bedroom door swing open, Eddie turned and moved towards the hall. His brows furrowed and his lips stayed meshed against his daughter's temple, keeping her bundled up against his chest as he looked over at his son.

"Dad!"

"What's up bud?"

"Nan and pops don't believe me! Tell them about Bella!"

A quiet groan rumbled past Eddie's lips and he tilted his head back, mentally cursing Chris for ringing them already. He knew Chris wouldn't be able to refrain from telling everyone, but Eddie had hoped he wouldn't call his parents just yet.

He had been so focused on trying to get (Y/n) and Bella home and sorting the house that he hadn't called his parents yet. There had been far too much going on and all the team and family popping by. They hadn't even been home a full day yet, Eddie wanted today to be home and try to get settled. He had planned to call his parents first thing in the morning and tell them the surprise news because he knew they would be on a plane down here the moment they knew.

Jugging Bella into the crook of his left arm, Eddie reached out and took the phone from Chris, muttering a soft "Go supervise uncle Buck." and watched as Chris happily hurried off.

He had called his grandparents in his room because he knew Eddie would tell him not to, but he wanted them to know. He wanted to be the one to explain that (Y/n) had had a baby and Chris now had a little sister. He wanted to tell them because Chris knew they would come down and visit for sure now.

"Eddie, sweetheart." His mum smiled so brightly it caused Eddie to smile in response.

He held the phone up to his face and slowly headed into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on.

"Hi ma, you both okay?" He could scarcely see his dad in the corner of the camera, trying his best to lean in and look at his son.

"What's Chris going on about? Is (Y/n) pregnant? Are you going to have a baby?" The anticipation in his mum's voice made Eddie's heart soften and explode at the same time.

He could see the hope swelling up in her eyes and her red lips were curved into such a wide grin that made Eddie feel bad. He wished they had known about Bella beforehand. He wished he could be giving his mum the news in the proper way, telling her and sending her a scan picture and having time to get things ready. His parents weren't going to take this news lightly, the shock would settle in quick, he knew it.

His mum had gathered from Chris that (Y/n) had to be pregnant, but Chris kept rushing through his words because he was so happy. And when he said (Y/n) had had a baby, they thought he was getting mixed up with his words. They had talked to (Y/n) and Eddie only two weeks ago, and they said nothing about being pregnant.

"How far along is she? Chris kept saying you've got a baby girl, he was getting confused, bless him."

"Uh, no papi… um, (Y/n) wasn't well Friday night," He tilted his head back and tried to gather some unknown strength from somewhere. He couldn't help but wince when he looked back down at his parents. "She went into labour and had a baby Friday night."

"I- I'm sorry?"

"Edmundo, why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't know! The doctor called it a cryptic pregnancy, we had no idea she was pregnant. We just got home today, I uh, I guess Chris was too excited to wait to tell you."

He had never seen his mother's jaw hang so loose before. Her wide brown eyes were watering up and she smothered her open mouth with her palm while she leaned to the side into her husband. Whereas his dad was sat with furrowed brows and a curled upper lip. He removed his glasses and ran a hand across his face, trying to process what he was being told.

"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" A flurry of other words fell past his mother's lips but Eddie couldn't work them all out.

To stop her from rambling on, Eddie slowly tilted the phone down, panning the screen along his plain black shirt before the camera finally settled on the bundle in his arms. Bella was curled up in his arm, both her hands hidden in mittens, arms curled to her chest and her knees pulled up near her tummy. Her eyes were scrunched closed and her button nose was twitched up while her cheek nuzzled into Eddie's shirt.

"Meet Isabella," Softness melted around the edges of his voice and he could hear his mother gasping and a quiet sound rumbled past his father's lips. His dad had never been so quiet and dumb-struck before.

He twisted to lean his hips back against the counter and crossed one leg over the other while he pulled Bella up a bit higher so she was cuddled against his upper chest. Allowing Eddie to see his parents on screen again but also keep Bella within their sights so they could fawn over their granddaughter.

"Chris wasn't joking," This was the first time in a long while that Eddie had seen his father tear up.

"They're both doing great, considering the shock. The doctor said she's perfectly healthy and (Y/n)'s doing great."

"Can- can we come down, visit you all?" There was something hidden in his mother's voice, as if she thought Eddie would tell her no.

His parents hadn't been over to LA since Eddie first moved here. He, Chris and (Y/n) had always made trips down to Texas to see them because it was convenient and easier for them all. But now, with a newborn and a lot of stuff to sort out, his parents coming here was going to be their easiest option.

"We'd love that."

Eddie propped the phone up against the coffee cannister and began prepping a bottle single-handed while Bella stayed in his left arm. He chimed in whenever his parents asked him a question and he smiled brightly when he could hear his mum cooing and trying to get a better look at the newborn. And he could already hear his dad getting his own phone out, saying how he was going to call the girls (Eddie's sisters) and tell them each the good news.

That meant Eddie would be swamped with phone calls tonight from all three of them and no doubt his sisters would be face-timing them. He knew what they were like. They had been round every day to see Chris when he had been born. They would likely send presents down here to LA if they couldn't make a trip to visit them.

When the bottle was made, Eddie tucked it under his arm and grabbed the phone, making his way back into the living room where everyone was crowded together.

"Ma and papi are on the phone, wanna say hi?" He tilted the phone down towards (Y/n) when he stood beside the sofa, noticing that she was still curled up but she was awake now. Presumably she woke up not long after he removed Bella from her arms.

His brows furrowed and his head tilted to one side when he realised (Y/n) was biting her lower lip and he could see tears hiding in her eyes. The way her nose crinkled and how she was pressing her lips together showed she looked like she wanted to cry and that made nerves spark through Eddie's chest.

But (Y/n) took the phone from him and tried to plaster a small yet somewhat exhausted smile on her face. She had always gotten along with Eddie's parents, even if his relationship with them had been strained. They felt more like parents to (Y/n) than her own parents were.

He watched (Y/n) sit up a bit straighter and Chris leaned into her side, wedged between her and Buck.

Eddie slowly moved to sit down on the floor in front of (Y/n) and leaned his back up against the sofa. He pressed the bottle to Bella's lips and started to feed her while his eyes swept around the room.

Everyone looked a little on edge now and it made his heartbeat pick up. His eyes finally settled on Maddie and he rose a brow.

"What's up?"

"I… I told mum and dad the good news."

"…Okay?"

Had they had a bad reaction? Eddie knew the Buckleys well enough to know they weren't supportive at the best of times. He had a feeling that they wouldn't be so happy or endearing about this. Part of him was sure that they wouldn't be as interested because it was (Y/n) who'd had a baby and not Maddie. They had been happy and involved when Maddie had Jee.

Maddie pursed her lips and held her daughter tighter, looking across at her little brother who had his arms crossed over his chest and a grumpy look on his face that he was trying and failing to hide.

She finally sighed and leaned forward, feeling guilty as ever for telling their parents, but (Y/n) asked her to. (Y/n) knew she needed to tell them now rather than letting any more time pass by, but she didn't have the nerve to start up that conversation. And neither did Buck. They all knew their parents were more understanding and easy going when it was Maddie they were talking to.

So she had done as she was asked and tried to calmly explain to their parents that (Y/n) had given birth despite not knowing she was pregnant.

"They're coming down for a visit."