#i don't have the energy to want something fancy or custom

[elizabethplaid]

Browsing "Elizabeth" necklaces on Amazon:

CoolJewelry stainless steel, with heart

Turandoss, gold-plated

MOMOL, gold-plated stainless steel

hahaha, gold? stainless steel? not clear

XUAN XUN, silver with swoop and heart

SANNYRA, silver on blue card

Def want silver, but some of the fonts could only be found in gold. (There's only so much browsing I can take before I go mad.) I'd go for a pewter if it was available; I prefer the oxidized silver look.

More discussion under the cut:

I am so damn picky when it comes to how I want the letters to look. Then again, it reflects how I prefer to write my name.

#4 and #5 are the same font. I don't like the swoop, but sans-swoop was only in gold. #5 is only there to show what the silver version looks like. Wish the L had a loop and the front-edge of the z was curved, like in the other examples.

#3 looks like a bold version of #2. The kerning between the E and lower-case L bugs me on both of those. Same with #1 but certainly less-so.

#6 is last on my preferences, because I want a looping Z. The chunky style reminds me of some pewter pendants my mom got from Sweden.

Guess it boils down to #1 and #6 being the two I like most. If 2+3 came in silver, then the order would be 1-2-3-6. The chains for each of those listings is right, too.

[hopefullywritingahit]

Just Ask

It's been a while since I wrote something. Life and moving have pulled a lot of my energy, but I sat down and this kind of just flowed out. I did want to put a content warning out there that there is mentions of stalking. If that's triggering for you, please don't continue.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't my favorite barista!" Villain shouted as he flourished into the cafe.

Civilian laughed and shook her head, wiping down the counter. It wasn't too busy, but there was definitely customers enjoying their espresso. One particularly grumpy old man glared at Villain as he entered, not seeing to recognize the Villain outside of their uniform. Her co-workers had retreated to the back kitchen, afraid of catching his wrath. Civilian never had a problem so she wasn't really sure what they were afraid of.

"Will it be your usual, Villain?" Civilian smiled at him. She didn't know why but her days always seemed brighter when Villain showed up. He was a weird, slightly awkward ray of sunshine on her otherwise boring days.

"You know it, Darling." Villain winked. He had been trying to convince Civilian to go out on a date for a week now, but Civilian just couldn't accept.

Civilian just rolled her eyes and went to making Villain's overly complicated, heavily sugared drink. A large caramel frappe, no ice, heavy cream, double-blended, vanilla powder, extra shot, extra caramel drizzle, extra whipped, with a pump and a half of hazelnut. Civilian had decided to make it for herself and her coworkers to try to see what the fuss was and she had to admit, it was delicious.

"How've you been Villain?" It had been a couple of days since he stopped in.

"Oh you know Darling, always just counting down the moments until I see your gorgeous smile again."

Civilian couldn't stop the laugh that burst from that as she turned on the blender. "I bet Villain. I imagine it was dreadfully lonely."

The blender finally calmed down and she went to pour his drink, turning to find him pouting playfully at the register. "You wound me, Civilian." Civilian handed him his drink and she rang in his order. He took a sip. His eyes closed as he sighed, relishing it. She went to pull the $10 bill on the counter, but he grabbed her hand and held it there. "How do you make it so perfect every time my dear?"

Civilian just rolled her eyes and laughed, pulling her hand with the bill from his grasp. "Oh you know me, my powers are perfecting coffee on the daily."

Villain sighed, "That you do my dear. Have you thought about my offer for a date? I'll show you a good time. We can go to some fancy restaurant, walk in the park, get you flowers. It'll be great!"

Now it was Civilian's turn to sigh. It wasn't that she didn't want to go on a date with him. It was that she was worried about the repercussions of it. She counted out Villain's change and handed it to him, a bittersweet smile on her face. "You know I can't, Vil. You can keep asking, but it's not going to happen."

There was a clatter in the kitchen. Civilian chose to ignore it, picking up a rag to resume wiping the counters down. Eyes trying to avoid Villain.

"I know, but you can't blame a guy for trying. Why won't you go out with me?"

Civilian rolled her eyes. She had looked forward to seeing him, but seemed to forget how he'd make her roll her eyes to the back of her head. "It's complicated." Yelling started up in the kitchen, distracted the two. "I should probably go see what's going on in there. I'll talk to you later Villain."

She went to the kitchen, ignoring Villain's stare. Inside was Nate and Sarah arguing, a letter in Sarah's hand.

Nate looked super guilty. Sarah looked somewhat victorious, until she looked at the letter in her hand. "Civilian," she looked down at the envelope, remembering what was going on. She extended it towards Civilian. "I found this by the back door. Nate didn't want to disturb you when Villain was around.

"You're not bringing it to her," Nate shouted.

"The hell I'm not!" Sarah screamed back.

"HEY!" Civilian shouted above them. They immediately froze and turned to her. She lowered her voice, "What the hell's going on?"

Civilian didn't want to take the letter. She knew who that was from, the cursive "Civilian" written on the outside is all she needed to see to put dread into her bones. She could feel eyes on her back, standing in the doorway she was sure Villain was still out there. She grabbed it and put it in her pocket. "Don't worry about it." She nodded to the bowls that had clattered to the ground. "Wash those before you put them back."

"You got it," Nate's voice wavered a little. He was very much afraid of Villain. For whatever reason he seemed good with Civilian and as long as that was the case he didn't want to do anything that could piss him off. He scrambled to collect the dishes as Civilian left the kitchen to tend to the front again.

Villain stood there, his eyes trying to see into Civilian and figure out what was going on. His eyes stopped at the corner of the envelope sticking out of her pocket.

Civilian smiled at him, though from the grimace from Villain it didn't reach her eyes. "They're just goofing off in there." She could hear her own nerves shaking her voice.

"What was that, Civilian?" His voice was quiet and if Civilian didn't know any better, he'd sound concerned.

"Don't worry about it, Vil. It's nothing." Civilian picked up the rag again and went back to wiping down the counters.

Villain moved his drink. "It didn't seem like nothing Civilian. You know if something's bothering you you can tell me. I'll take care of it." Civilian shook her head. She enjoyed Villain's company but didn't want to use him like that. She was fine anyways. Nothing to worry about. "Don't give me that. I care about you, Civilian." He grabbed her hand, halting her nervous cleaning. "If someone is messing with you or threatening you, you should tell me."

Civilian's face was burning staring at their hands. Her heart was racing in her chest. She dared a glance at Villain and was shocked with the intensity that he looked at her. She couldn't pull her eyes away. "Please," Villain whispered, a quiet plea.

Civilian nodded and looked around. "One second," she sighed as she went back into the kitchen. Civilian asked Sarah to come out and handle the front while she took a break. Sarah seemed nervous being out here with Villain but, like Nate, she didn't want to upset him.

Civilian grabbed her drink from underneath the counter and nodded her head to a table in the back of the cafe, away from everyone. She sat, her back facing the wall, and took a sip of her coffee. She fished the envelope out of her pocket and slid it towards Villain, not bothering to look at it.

"It started a few years ago. With relatively harmless gifts and notes. Flowers and gifts left on my car. Flowers delivered to the office I worked in. Scarves they said made them think of me. It didn't take long for the notes to sound more…creepy. They talked about how they liked what I did with my hair, how they liked the new dress I got, and how they wanted to be with me. They never had a name, just "Your Secret Admirer." I went to the police, but they said it was harmless and to just ignore it. When the notes started to turn threatening and talked about taking me away the police still wouldn't do anything. I didn't know who it was and they hadn't actually done anything to harm me." Civilian sighed and looked at Villain who was turning the envelope over in their hands. "When the police wouldn't help…I went to the Hero's Association. They were less helpful than the police. They wouldn't waste their resources on a random person. Especially when it was a job better handled by the police. Over the next few months, the notes and gifts only increased - in number and in threats. I noticed things missing or moved in my apartment. Nothing of great value, but it was scary. Whoever it was had been watching me. They knew my schedule. Knew where I lived and worked. And they knew how to get in. They had gotten in. When my friend got hurt I left. Changed my name, moved, got a new job. But it didn't last. Two, maybe three weeks later I had a rose and a note taped to my door. I tried moving a couple more times, but within the month a new note would show up talking about how much they missed me."

Civilian looked at the letter as Villain opened the envelope and pulled it out. She was sure it was talking about Villain - how stupid he was for trying to get a date with Civilian and how she was right for turning that "loser" down. With the dark look on Villains face, she was sure that her secret admirer had used some very colorful language in describing what he wanted to do to Villain if he ever thought he could take her away. Those started once her stalker found her again and saw Villain flirting with her.

Villain looked furious as he looked at Civilian. She was sure it wasn't directed at her, but still felt so guilty. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Villain sounded…sad? Concerned? Sad at what? That Civilian didn't tell him about this dude? They barely knew one another.

Civilian shook her head. "It's not your problem, Villain. I don't even know who it is. And, as long as I didn't actually accept your date offers, it sounds like I'll be fine. We barely know one another. I've been dealing with it just fine."

"By ignoring it?" Villain leaned in. "This could turn so dangerous so quickly for you. You knew who I was when I first saw you three months ago and you didn't even flinch at it. You treated me like any other customer, without fear or malice. I've asked you before if anything was wrong or bothering you and you always said no. You could have said something, anything."

"I wasn't going to bother anyone with it. It's not worth really worrying or bothering about. I just…don't get close with people. And I try not to read them." Civilian laughed and scratched the back of her head. "I am not one to ask for much help and I sure wasn't going to ask for a favor because you decided that you liked to talk with me. I still don't want to. You don't need to worry about him. Besides, it's not like he's actually going to go after you."

"But he might go after you." Villain looked down at the letter again. "He will go after you. Eventually. The gifts and letters won't be enough after a while and he'll want to make sure you're his and his alone. This can be super serious and when it does it'll turn ugly fast." Villain took the final swig of his coffee. "Let me see what I can dig up. It would be really shitty if something happened to you and I could have done something about it."

His eyes seemed to pour into her soul, begging for her to accept his help. Civilian felt her heart skip and the warmth spread to her face again. No doubt leaving an incriminating blush all the way down her neck. She just nodded and bit her lip. She didn't trust her voice at the moment. The smile that spread across Villain's face did nothing to help the blush burning across her skin. Villain nodded and pocketed the latest letter.

Warm hands brought Civilian's to his lips with a kiss so light if she hadn't watched it happen she wouldn't have believed that it did. "Thank you," he whispered against the back of her hand and walked off.

[vhstown]

gwen stacy ★ general headcanons

content/warnings: mentions of underage drinking, implied & mentions of death

a/n: hey 😁 a levels beating my arse. thx 2 @qiupachups 4 helping w these 🫡 give it up for gwendy ‼️ (unedited)

Gwen is a collector — but not of collectibles. She has a secret empire of the most random things, and is thoroughly embarrassed when anyone finds it: tickets, pins, soda can tabs, cool-looking clothing tags, mismatched hair clips, paper clips, little things stolen from school, etc. Anything she things is remotely interesting has a place in a very specifically organised box under her bed, tucked away from the world and taken out occasionally to be adjusted or stared at. It's essentially the same as being a collector, right...?

She had a fashion hobby she grew out of, but it re-kindles when she has to design a suit for herself. Initially, it's made up of thermal sportswear but she comes up with actual designs at some point, modifying it overtime to include the hood and to integrate it with her ballet slippers.

When it comes to art, Gwen's style would be a lot like a fashion student's. I headcanon her to have aphantasia so her main strength is drawing clothing, and a lot of her drawings are based on herself as a reference (she can literally only draw herself well...) Rather than a sketchbook, she has a journal that's also full of photographs and writing as well as her drawings, and the occasional crumpled up drum score.

Has a knack for sewing and customises some of her clothes, though it's more personal touches and the occasional crop rather than completely overhauling a piece of clothing. Everyday items of hers have at least a little embroidery or design on them and she likes doing patterns on like bags and converse for her friends. Wants to make plushies and things but always manages to get distracted so there's a bunch of unfinished projects in her closet. (I would totally buy from her on Etsy though 😁)

Gwen did ballet as a kid and developed the enraging habit of cracking EVERY joint in her body. She's the mf that twists in the chair in front of you and stares deep into your soul while cracking her back. Cracks things you don't even know you could crack without shame my girl is a whole instrument 😭

Ballet is something her dad pushed her towards, alongside music (though he preferred she did something more traditional). Initially Gwen did feel out of place in her classes. A lot of the other children at her classes were already well-versed in it, and a lot of times she found she wanted to quit. Only after learning that her mom Helen did ballet did she willingly pick it up again at an older age, incorporating the technique into her fighting style.

Gwen used to play a few different instruments as a kid but none of them really stuck. For a while, she thought she hated music when she did piano and the recorder, but when she got her hands on a drumkit at her school and a couple lessons, she knew it was the one.

Her drumming is definitely more freestyle, and even though she's good she has a lot of problems with her high energy, spontaneous and emotive style. That means she breaks her drumsticks ALL the time. There's no way she's banging all that out on the drums without an unfortunate snap or two, so she always keeps another pair handy. She's broken her drumsticks so much that there's a collection of them torn up at the bottom of her bag (she never bothers to throw them out, and might've given herself a splinter reaching in to find something 💀)

Speaking of drumsticks, she has one lucky pair she uses for important performances, carrying them practically everywhere. They've essentially rotted in their fancy little fabric case since she'd gottem them, the custom "GWENDOLYN MAXINE STACY" imprinted on it having almost completely eroded away.

Though, she's only ever used them once; her dad had bought them for her for a school performance, which she had to bail last minute when her Spider-sense suddenly activated. Running off to fight a villain not a street away, Peter Parker follows her, and he realises just who Spider-Woman really is.

While she was planning to use them at her prom performance with her band... that never happened. After that, everything reminded her of that night, and her relationship with The Mary Janes dwindled until she quit altogether. The band only lasted a few months prior, and since they never got to perform at prom, Gwen found herself playing for no reason at all, other than to get rid of her pent-up energy and forget about the fact that she's basically a wanted criminal.

When she's living in Hobie's universe, she ends up breaking her "lucky" drumsticks and is, understandably, a little shattered by it, but Hobie gets her another pair, "GWENDY" written in mismatched letters on the side. That "G" was definitely a last-minute addition, though. He also teaches her how to stop breaking them so often. "Bit of advice — use the wrists, not just the arms."

Gwen's definitely not meant to drink, so whenever Hobie goes to the pub he makes sure not to, suggesting his friends don't get pissed out of their minds either (though she might steal a sip of something fruity now and again.)

Hobie takes her to gigs all the time, and sometimes she drums for his ones. The first time she does it, she's nervous of course, but her sound immediately gets the crowd going and it's the talk of the town for a week straight (and her drumsticks didn't break!)

There's no shortage of junk food, of course. Just like all the takeout she'd have back at home, Hobie would make sure to take her around all the local spots. Although it's not exactly the same, anything beats the plasticky cafeteria food in 2099. Stopping for a kebab or two in the middle of anomaly-hunting isn't really against the rules anyway.

Gwen is friendly with pretty much everyone in the Spider-society because everyone knows who "Gwen Stacy" is, but she never really wants to meet another version of herself (given how unsettling it is with context). Also very awkward around any MJs — or Peters. Peter B essentially being an older 65!Peter definitely freaks her out a little at first.

Misses Miles, obviously, and probably had something she wanted to make for him back in her universe that she could never retrieve. Maybe when she gets Hobie's watch she'll bring it along with her — would Miles like a knitted neckwarmer?

SO best friends with Margo. Her tech lets Gwen see into her universe sometimes (Miguel wouldn't let her 😞) and Margo is super keen on learning about her universe. They both hang out with Peni and it's a fun little girl trio (Peni totally takes them to her universe to see all the giant mechs 😁 "Girls night!" BOOM!)

Number 1 girlfail. She hasn't broken those new drumsticks yet! But drumming can wait — and all those projects at the back of her closet, and her unresolved dispute with MJ and the band, and her dad at home. Going from her small world to having an entire multiverse against her and her friends, Gwen's got one hell of a show to put on, right?

“I never found the right band to join, so I started my own, with a few old friends.”

“You want in?”

🩰🕸️💫

@phoenixinthefiles (it's cause of you im always writing hcs 😭😭😭 /pos)

hi bunklies 😁 ive been averaging like 4h of sleep cuz of skl but ill fix up soon trust... hope you are all doing okay ! ive never written anything for gwen before so i hope this is an okay start lol

atsv masterlist here! reblogs always appreciated :) see u around <3

[foodandfolklore]

Kitchen Witch Essentials

I want to preference this by saying your priorities of tools for your craft will vary as you get more experienced. If you get more into baking, you may choose to invest in a kitchen mixer. If your path goes more down drinks, you might want to get a French press. This list is for those starting out or looking to maintain general witchy cooking. Nothing on this list is mandatory, so don't feel like you need to go spend money just because it's on this list.

This list will also assume you have general kitchen stuff, like pots, pans, and knives. You may not have everything, but you have enough to cook.

Wooden Spoon

If for whatever reason you don't have a wooden spoon, and you want to do kitchen magic, I strongly recommend you go and get one. You can get them at any store that sells Kitchen Utensils, including the dollar store.

For some kitchen witches, the wooden spoon is like a magic wand. Allowing the witch to direct energy. Personally, I just enjoy using natural materials whenever I can. Also, it's just such a useful tool to have when cooking. You can stir your food on stove top, and since it's made of wood you don't need to worry about damaging non stick surfaces. If you're boiling pasta, stirring with a wooden spoon helps get rid of the foam overboil. You can also just leave the spoon over the pot to prevent pasta water overboiling. Baking bread? Flip the spoon around and use the handle to bring the dough together.

Some people choose to add sigils or other symbols onto their witchy spoons. If you decide to do this, please do not use paint or stain, as this can come off while cooking. Unless this will be a display only spoon, of course. Safest way is to laser burn a design. Check etsy for custom spoons.

Herbs/Spices you know the properties of

I'm sure you already have some non perishable Herbs or Spices in your pantry or spice rack. Black Pepper, Garlic powder, Cinnamon, Paprika, that kind of thing. I want you to pick one and deep dive into the history of that Herb/Spice. What it's been used for in the past, what are some common magical properties and associations; what do YOU associate with it. Write down the magical association, like protection, banish negativity, prosperity, ect. Start with one, work your way up to three. If you have trouble memorizing, keep a little cheat sheet near by.

Now when you add these seasonings, you know what energies you can add/attract with your food.

Mortar and Pestle

If you already have another way to grind spices, like a coffee grinder, this does not need to be a priority. And if you have arm or shoulder issues, I don't recommend using. The main benefit to using a mortar and pestle is the crushing style of grinding tends to release more aroma and flavor then the cutting style of a coffee grinder. If you plan to just use for dry spices, you won't need a very big or fancy one. 20 dollars should get you something small and solid.

Make sure you are getting one made of stone. I tried a wooden one and it's garbage. I use it to hold messy spoons. There are also metal ones, and while I've never tried one, I encourage caution. I worry about long term use stripping whatever coating is stopping it from rusting.

Jars

Glass Jars are so great to have in the kitchen. Leftover sauce? Put it in a jar. Suddenly made a jam? We got jars to put it in. Meal prep overnight oats? Jars are here for you! They're just great for storage. And you don't need to buy them. Lots of things come in jars; just give them a hot soapy soak, scrap the label off, wash and reuse. If you prefer mason jars, I recommend washing the lids by hand. The lids aren't meant to be reused for jarring, so they rust fairly quickly after a few washes. You can buy replacement lids, however.

Plastic Containers

Jars are great, but things get a little dicey when you want to put stuff in the freezer. Water likes to make sure everyone knows it's cold by puffing up bigger; like look at me, I'm freezing here! Which means, there's a chance your glass jar can shatter.

But freezing food is the best way to preserve food since you don't need to add anything like extra salt or sugar. So get some freezer safe containers. I love making batches of broth and stock, and freeze it for later. Or if we have a lot of leftovers, I'll freeze enough for a dinner another week, incase I don't have enough spoons to make dinner one evening. And don't worry, you can wash and reuse plastic containers too.

I'll also freeze food I notice is starting to go weird. If I buy a huge bag of baby spinach, but can't get through it all, I'll transfer it to a freezer bag. Adding frozen spinach to food as it cooks is one of the easiest ways to up your nutrients. You can also freeze other vegetables, just make sure you cut them up first.

Crock Pot/Slow Cooker

Every Witch Needs a Cauldron, and these are Electric Cauldrons. Prices vary mainly based on the size you want. There are different brands, different colors; you can even get some in the theme of your favorite fandom. But they all have the same 3 core settings: High, Low, and keep warm.

Slow cookers are....well, slow. Which is great for certain kinds of food that need to sit for a long time, like meats. But it's also great for Kitchen Witches with a lot going on. Non witches will "Set it and forget it" but it's a good idea to stir every once in a while. Which is where the magic comes in. So, if you're a scatter brained Witch, Like me, or have ADHD and have trouble focusing, an electric cauldron might be for you. Throw everything together in 15 minutes, then give it love and attention when you remember. Normally that happens when you start to smell the food.

Again, this is my preference. Some Kitchen Witches I know prefer to identify a specific pot as their cauldron. Some went and got an actual full size, cast iron cauldron; which is amazing but not feasible for most. I grew up using a slow cooker, so I'm very comfortable around one. But if it's not your thing; that's fine. Maybe your cauldron will be a rice cooker or a Boston Shaker.

[lunarhobbits]

misc sweeney hcs

(disclaimer. i am new-ish here and have no idea how popular/prevalent any of these are go easy on me ok. also a lot of these are dadben related wh o o p s)

i've seen some variance of if this is canon in fics and stuff but i really do like the idea of the barkers also living above the pie shop in addition to the barbershop being there. similar situation w the pie shop/lovett living quarters. ig it's just easier to picture in my head then????

(p sure the b*rton film confirms smth like this but i'm ignoring it bc i don't like that guy. this idea is mine now)

part of the reason i like this so much is it means that benjamin barker had all the more time to have lovely moments with lucy and johanna when he wasn't busy with clients

(this also makes sweeney returning there without them all the more painful. if he sits and doesn't do anything then he's flooded by memories of the life he had in those same walls fifteen years ago. like no wonder sweeney's so bent out of shape by being forced to wait for the judge and the beadle to come to him)

johanna had only JUST started walking when ben was transported. he was so excited and happy and loved to try and assist her, encouraging her to take steps holding his hands. chattering away about her with any customer that would listen, perhaps even showing her off ("look at my jo! she's such a fine girl!" "i'm sure she is, mr. barker, but could you please finish shaving me?")

he bought johanna a little lacy bonnet when she was a week old. she didn't need something so fancy at such a young age, and lucy had already sewn her a few bonnets months prior. it wasn't the most sound financial decision he ever made. but oh, his girl just had to have it, and it's a little big, she could grow into it! (lucy admits she looks very cute with it on, even though she says johanna doesn't need it)

(the bonnet is left forgotten in a drawer somewhere for years, until sweeney opens that particular drawer and finds it gathering dust upon his return. he feels sick seeing it, reminding him again how much he missed. then he puts it back and refuses to give it any mind.)

nellie lovett was infuriated by lucy barker in that way that you can't quite pinpoint why you're mad other than they're "too perfect" or "too pretty" or something. ofc there was the fact she was married to ben, but i think there was a little "get out of my school" energy going on there too

idk exactly how lucy ended up on the street (or in bedlam, as lovett says in the finale) but i do think that nellie was, sadly, at least complicit in inaction to stop this from happening (if not having thrown her out herself)

anthony is the sweetest dude around and genuinely loves johanna. doesn't matter that he barely knows her when he says he'd marry her, he knows that he's going to be happy as long as she is

johanna loves him too, and she's surprised by it. not because of anything to do with anthony, but because she's felt so little real love in her life (that she can remember). it's a wonderful and frightening rush looking at him, sometimes, but then he squeezes her hand, or does something silly, or even just sneezes or clears his throat and she's brought back down to reality, in a good way. that anthony is real, and human like her. she doesn't have to "earn" his love by being utterly perfect.

they get out of london basically as soon as they can, just wanting to leave it all behind, at least for a while

it took a little time and arguing but anthony did end up getting a good sum of money from the judge's death, through johanna's inheritance going to her husband (him). they immediately used this money to finance travel. they both love to travel, anthony promising to show her the beauty of the world that, still, cannot rival her in his eyes

this is all i got that's coherent rn really lol. anyway here you go sweeney todd fans who liked/reblogged my post haha @demonbarberofbeepbeep @captains-clever-goose @little-lovett @fabulousairpirate @funnygirlthatbelle

[miscealignment]

I've been sick for the past four days.

And it just makes me so angry, the realisation of how much of my day and my energy I spend in a job I do not care about and in a college I don't see a future in.

I have a single day of rest in the week and I work irregular hours. I'm tired.

All the things I enjoy doing, they're in my home, not outside of it. And maintaining my job to a bearable degree of acceptance is equally as tiring.

I hate having to wake up at the crack of dawn in order to eat something slightly healthy and in order to take the bus every day and hope not to get late. And if I sleep even 10 minutes more I either can't eat or can't make it there in time.

I hate having to cook batches of food to freeze so I can eat later in the week some semblance of a healthy food.

I hate that everyone in my job is unhappy all the time because the management in inept and the owner doesn't know what they're doing. The atmosphere sucks and I already go to work dreading all the problems and complicated situations I'll have to deal with and fix because half the team is incompetent.

I hate the entitled, dishonest, ill mannered customers that come to yell at me over things that are neither my responsibility nor within my control to change.

I am tired of being away from my house.

I want to work from home, but I don't have any skills that affords me that. I don't have a fancy degree I can wave around and say that it actually earns me anything. Heck, the college I'm doing right now is for graphic design, and I'm terrible at it!!!

I just wanted something, anything, to do from home. But I don't even know where to start to look. I don't know anything about this world or how to take advantage of it, because the people that were in charge of teaching me simply didn't. They just hoped I'd figure it out as I went along. Well I'm not that smart! So I fucking didn't!

All I have is a second language that everyone else has, no skills, no degree, an unstable mental health and a world of frustration.

And I'm just so tired.

[calebwittebane]

gaia update!

her next appointment is later today, still monitoring the new tumor before we decide on the next step... sure hope this time chemo ends up being enough, i really dont want her to have to go thru yet another surgery. its a risk every time for an older cat like her. plus its in a difficult spot this time, close to ligaments and stuff. also, and i know its a strange thing to say, in this case her loving me so much actually constitutes something a problem... she fully wakes up the second she hears my voice or smells my presence, when it wouldve been better for her to sleep off the nausea and grogginess for a little longer 😭 but at the same time i dont wanna wait longer to pick her up because i know she'd be very very upset to wake up while i wasn't there. babyyyy

right now shes feeling and looking okay though. she got some anti-inflammatory shots on monday to help with her teefies, cuz her gums had been hurting (probably its cuz her immune system aint doing so hot rn), and it really helped. she ate a LOT yesterday and seemed really content about it. full tummy gaia :) the problem with her and her teeth is that it's kind of a recurring issue, once again probably stemming from her immune system getting kinda overwhelmed, and it makes it hard for her to eat her kibble (even if the bikkies are small, and soaking them isn't an option because she will NOT touch soggy bikkies even if she's very hungry). while id love to just switch her to wet food full time, that makes her poops very soft (very bad news for her and her funny furry pantaloons) and i... dont have the budget for it... i wouldnt give her and amity anything with a vague ingredients list and without stellar reviews, and high quality wet food in the "full meals every day" quantity is just not something i can afford. so she gets a nice spoonful of her favorite wet food (or canned tuna! she loooooves tuna) after taking her meds and thats it. i love that since its a reward for swallowing her pills, and amity gets the wet food too, amity always stands close and bonks gaia beforehand, like she's encouraging her and saying good luck... amity has been very nice to gaia in general lately. i mean she's still a bit of a nuisance to her, just because their personalities clash a little, but shes been trying hard to be very gentle. i loooooove amity's new habit of kissing gaia's paws. it's so sweet and adorable... thats right amity, your big sister is very fancy and chic, with dainty pawsies that need to be kissed!

she's also been very playful, which is good. she's got energy! and a new favorite toy, once again its part of a larger toy amity customized for herself (ripped parts off of) and it's this soft fuzzy orb thing. she's also been a little whiny, but i'm pretty sure that's just her complaining about the heat, it's not uncommon for her in summertime. she feels better when the fan is pointing at her. oh and she hates the lawnmowers outside... i dont wake up from the noises i wake up from her yelling at the noises ajdhfbxkdj. shes so annoyed.

wish it were easier to get a pet groomer appointment in this doggone town. a lion cut would definitely help her cope with the temperatures. plus knowing how funny she looks when her fur is wet id love to see her BALD she would look soooo funny. all the places with good reviews are always fully booked though it seems. swear to god this is all such a scam, Back In My Day if your cat was in surgery you could ask the vet to go ahead and give them a lion cut while they were still under anesthesia lmao. my own clippers just don't work with her fur either, it's too fine and soft. the cons of being a fluffy cloud... a toasted meringue angel... a lovely tiramisu girl... a silly baby s'more... a caramel frappucino princess...

[hollowfaith]

1, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

QUESTIONS FOR MUN

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

ughhhh this is hard...im gonna cheat and go for nostalgia ok

although i think i missed the mark with her muse in some places i have a special fondness for dahlia hawthorne and her specific brand of caustic sarcasm.

i don't think i've ever come up with so many different creative insults during her runtime...also she had the neatest mix of relationships with random muses, not just in AA cast (tho i remember her tormenting at least 3 different feenies??) but beyond, notably izaya and edward cullen comes to mind.

i also really liked my run as kasen kanesada because he's a very lyrical sword (or at least works hard to cultivate that image) so i had to express that in writing and ended up having a lot of fun doing flowery replies and making up poetry and generally going big ham. (it did take a lot of mental energy though so i started losing steam later on.)

i remember he had a thread with FGO Shakespeare that was pretty nice cause we got to be nerdy and talk about eastern/western literature lolololol, then for his challenge he had to kill like 5 ppl in 24 hours so i actually got 5 volunteers to get decapitated and RP'd mini threads with them all, which was wild (and again a very, very random mix of muses including X-Files Fox Mulder)

i didn't RP OCs back then but i like them a lot now too! the lack of art is an unfortunate reality but the amount of customization you get in exchange...so powerful.

5. What is the most difficult thing about writing your current muse?

stupid guy won't just kiss klaus and marry him that would solve 99% of their problems hey klaus are u listening u need to seduce this idiot or something so his brain has nothing but u all day to keep him out of mischief hey hey klaus

ahem

also his unspoken obligation to be lawful good (in his POV) really limits his ability to "act out," so sometimes i need to find different ways to de-escalate situations before he hits moral event horizon. you know, flattery and adoration goes a long way in wrapping him around your finger, i'm surprised more people don't try (i guess they can't stand him long enough to get there lol)

7. Who was the very first muse you ever wrote?

i remember answering this question on another meme maybe...?

there's a more accurate answer now: pre-tumblr, i remember RPing a Lopmon on some digimon forum once upon a time. also remember the mod that was RPing with me called me out for "slight godmodding" because i was describing how my digimon was crossing a bridge and apparently that was taking things too much into my own hands LOLOL

8. Have you ever written a novel? If not, does it interest you?

i've started written novels but i haven't finished any except for like, a couple of original oneshots. technically Veoc is a supporting character/love interest (spoilers: he's not the canon pairing) in a sci-fi story where i have the general plot laid out but y'know, actually writing it is... *flops down*

9. Do you write fanfiction, or have you in the past?

i definitely wrote more in the past but i've slowed down to a trickle since then. uhhhh i want to start up again, maybe with drabbles/oneshots, but i need to catch up on canon first before i try to do the characters justice

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

god a part of me regrets giving Aury his fancy brackets b/c i have to copy/paste that thing in every reply

so yeah i am never doing that again i just wanna open up a post and type my reply and be done with it, bless.

same with icons as long as they show a face and expression (or even body part) im happy wheee i've got plots to write

11. When did you start roleplaying?

i can't remember...gotta be probably early to mid high school cause i didn't know RP existed back then

12. Have you roleplayed anywhere other than tumblr?

forums, emails, tried a LJ group but my app got rejected so i didn't even get in (ROFL), tumblr has been the most stable medium with most long-term interactions though

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

hi

i just got diagnosed with me cfs about a month ago. I've been bedbound since July (doctors think I got it post-covid) and I'm extremely bored. I've been working on isolation by seeing friends once a week but it's just like... how do i fill the rest of my time? I can't stand to watch tv or scroll tumblr anymore, the internet is making me depressed. So what do I do? I'm sleeping like 16 hours a day. I can only get up to do simple chores and stuff. I struggle with reading/processing info and I lie down most of the day. How do I entertain myself? Especially with something that feels fun, satisfying, and "productive."

TLDR: newly bedbound and in need of a hobby I can do offline from bed, please help <3

hi, thanks for asking! I also spent the vast majority of the first 3 or so years I had CFS laying down, it can definitely be difficult to find stuff to do. Here are some things I did:

Video games. This one is a pretty common recommendation but I can't not recommend it because it's what I do pretty much all the time. If you have trouble positioning a computer like I did you can get an overbed desk (I have this one and it's served me pretty well). If you're looking for game reccs, the Sims 4 is now free and there's a ton of free custom content available for it online for when you get bored of basegame. For paid games, Minecraft, Don't Starve Together (even if you're playing alone the Together version is better), Oxygen Not Included, 7 Days to Die, and Sheltered all have a ton of replayability. I also recommend adding items to your wishlist and waiting for sales if you're buying games off Steam, Sheltered is actually on sale for $3 on Steam until Nov. 21.

Textile work. There's a reason a lot of textiles are considered "grandma" hobbies, they're easy to do with limited energy. There's a ton of disability adaptations for textile projects like knitting, crocheting, embroidery, weaving, etc. Choose one that seems fun to learn and go for it. I tried to do knitting but found it hard laying down so I switched to crochet and it's been going pretty well. It's fairly inexpensive as well, crochet hooks are like $5 and you can fine cheap yarn at places like Walmart for less than $5.

Art. You don't have to be good at it or have fancy supplies, either. I'm a big fan of coloring books, both physical ones and coloring book apps. I also use an app called Sketchbook to make digital art on my phone sometimes. You can trace stock photos to help you practice, or you can just make your entire art process tracing and coloring in stock photos.

Writing. Another one you don't have to be good at. Just think of stuff and write it down. You don't even need to write it down if you don't want to, you can just tell yourself stories in your head as well. Writing fanfiction can be a tool to help you get inspired to write your own stuff too. I got into writing by writing Warrior cats fanfic that was objectively bad, but it was fun and it laid the groundwork for making my own stuff. You can also just keep writing fanfiction if that's what you enjoy.

Origami. This one's a little niche but I find makng origami very satisfying. Some people claim you need special origami paper, you don't, regular notebook paper is fine. The instructions from this website have been useful for me.

That's all I have as far as hobby suggestions, if anyone has any other suggestions feel free to add!

[turtlemagnum]

one of my pettiest gun opinions is that i absolutely abhor the existence of .278 caliber/6.8mm when .284 caliber/7mm exists and is Basically The Same But It Came First And Is More Versatile. now, to explain a bit: "caliber" as a technical term just describes the diameter of a bullet in inches as a decimal. so .308 caliber would just be .308 inches, no fancy conversions. now, the reason different calibers for a cartridge to use exist At All is that they have an appreciable difference from one another in terms of design, particularly in terms of sectional density and ballistic coefficient. in laymans terms, the way i like to describe sectional density is thus: imagine a nail and a ball bearing made of the same metal with the same weight. now, if you shoved both of them into something, which do you think would penetrate the thing more easily? the nail, of course. that's sectional density in practice, it's just the diameter of something relative to its weight aiding in penetration (for instance, an 175 grain 7mm bullet has a similar sectional density to a 210 grain 7.62mm bullet, so if you took a 7mm-08 with an 175 grain bullet and a .308 win with an 180 grain bullet, the 7mm-08 would penetrate significantly better while putting basically the same amount of energy on target). ballistic coefficient is literally just how aerodynamic a bullet is. long sleek gamers will fly through the air more efficiently than short stubby ones, not too hard to grasp conceptually even if i don't know the actual math behind it. obviously a sleek 190 grain .30 cal will fly further than a stumpy little 190 grain .45, that's a significant difference in fundamental shape.

now, comparing the .270 to the 7mm... most of the common bullet diameters have significantly more of a jump between them. a .224 caliber bullet is significantly wider in diameter than a .204 caliber, and is significantly less wide in diameter than a .243. there are some exceptions to this, but i think that as they exist they justify their own existence (a .366/9.3mm isn't that different from a .358/9.1mm, but differences in bullet selection and a myriad of other factors justify the existence of each imo. same goes for the difference between a .257/6.35mm and a .264/6.5mm). now, the key difference with the .270 and the 7mm is that the .270 has a rather limited range of bullet weights from around the 90 to 150 grain range, while the 7mm has almost all of that starting at about 100 grains and also everything up to 175 grains, not even counting obscure, usually custom outliers like 180-200 grain bullets. or in other words, ladies, you can get a man that does both. and this is setting aside the fact that the 7mm diameter has existed since the 7x57mm mauser, which was literally one of the first rimless smokeless rifle cartridges on earth, meanwhile the .270 winchester (the main popularizer of the 6.8mm, albeit definitely not the originator because i believe the chinese 6.8x57mm was the earliest example), the .270 came out decades after the 7mm was well goddamn established. winchester came out with their .270 in about 1925, 33 goddamn whole ass years after the 7x57 mauser and 8 years after the basically dimensionally identical (and slightly ballistically superior) 7x64mm brenneke. it's just the same goddamn thing, but slightly worse, and as a historical side note was created because winchester wanted to create a "distinctly american" diameter, which is so goddamn stupid. im glad the 7mm rem mag took off here, at least.

[kaxen]

I am tempted to get a PC desktop for gaming (I'm currently on Mac and Apple's love of glue and removing ports pisses me off. I NEED EVERYTHING ON WIRES. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO RUN OUT OF BATTERIES IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING EXCITING AND LIKE I AM PRETTY SURE THIS RGB KEYBOARD IS A 300% WASTE OF ENERGY). I have no idea what specs I am gonna go for.

Gamers who care about their specs: I GOT A FANCY MONITOR. LOOK AT THE SPEED OF ITS REFRESH. SOMETHING-SOMETHING.

Me, staring at my current dual screen set-up: Is Armored Core VI's custom emblem designer drawing monitor compatible?

[ahhscheisse]

I think it will always irk me when people say, "Men, what's stopping you from wearing this?" With a photo of a three piece suit or something. You got three piece suit money? You got custom made pentagram harness money?

This isn't a "be nice to men" post so much as it is a, "Stop being a fucking fashion snob," post. If you want a boyfriend that dresses real nice, find that guy. Don't get mad at the random guy wearing cargo shorts and sandals to a fucking Kroger.

"You're just being lazy." We’re not being lazy, we’re being comfy, you fucking deranged meatball. I like my hole-infested Pearl Jam shirt from 2013 and the basketball shorts I've had for even longer. I like walking out of my house with a kind of, "My name is Eddie and I've got a basketball game tomorrooooow. I'm a point guard and I got shoe game," energy and I like when people look at me and know exactly what I'm listening to. Fuck fancy clothing! I do not have the time, energy, money or desire to wear clothing I have to iron or pay attention to while I wear it.

[topioswords]

Self Reflection

Noir pulls the hood further down, digging his finger joints into the matted fake fur, trusting that everybody will be too busy avoiding the sludge to pay much attention to the conspicuous metal sheen. The fingerless gloves help, but it isn’t ideal. Not that the biting cold bothers him, other than everything being soggy seemingly all the time and the occasional stutter in his functions when an exposed wire or two gets a little too chilled it’s fine. But it makes people look in a way he doesn’t care for.

The face is worse though. At least fingers you can make a halfhearted excuse for prosthetics and you don’t want to talk about it. You can’t do that with an entire head. At least this place has air that’s clogged enough that breathing is at most times difficult, so everybody’s used to paying more attention to body language than expressions because of the masks.

Noir has been here 4 days and one thing is clear.

He has got to get a mask that isn’t cracked, semi-transparent and fished out of a dumpster.  That’d solve so many problems for him.

It’s a nice shop, relatively speaking. A little scruffy, a little hidden away, but less grimy than the surrounding buildings. Noir pulls back to a side street and runs his fingers along the edge of the mask. He hates doing this, but he can’t think of any other ways. 

The look of bemused interest doesn’t surprise Noir, not really, it’s not that this place has less robots than usual, it’s the way they tend towards more robust builds. He stands out. The clothes don't help, probably, but for all it’d make the look more convincing he just couldn’t stand the thought of exposing himself entirely. The wrinkled inner shirt and pants will have to do, some people are into dressing up their bots anyway so not like it’s unheard of.

Just a little weird.

He can run with that.

“Good afternoon Sir,” he greets, falling back on that old cheerful customer service voice he’s worked so hard to get rid of. The ‘smile’ is there too, and the posture. It’s awful how easy it feels, doing all that again. Easy and false. This isn’t him, not really.. “My Master is interested in the local mask craftsmanship, I’ve been tasked with collecting data, might I have a look at your inventory?”

The guy looks amused, judging by the expression behind the relatively open faced mask, which is better than annoyed at least. “Must be some rich jerkass, bringing out fancy toys to do the shopping,” he says and Noir isn’t sure he should be pleased or worried.

“Only collecting data for now Sir,” he says, all fake cheerful. “Though an exchange of money for goods is a future possibility.” 

 This would be so much easier, if people weren’t assholes about selling directly to robots.

“S’a free country, s’fine to look” the guy says, and Noir wants very badly to tell him how it really isn’t, but he has a role to play so he shuts up instead.

It was the full faced masks that had drawn his attention outside. They seem to be good quality up close, based on what tips he’s been able to gather of info from the local community boards and some basic materials analysis, but the price tags aren’t exactly agreeable with his current amount of available funds. Granted, the likelihood of being able to buy anything now is low enough he doesn’t want to waste energy calculating it.

He just likes knowing, he tells himself. He hadn’t really thought there’d be a variety of animal shaped ones, but they’re interesting. Something about them feels appealing in a way the more utilitarian ones don’t.

They feel a bit like home.

Noir’s false smile flickers for a second.

The amber glass in the bright fox mask mirrors his blank face back at him and he knows it’s not sensible, but it’s right.

If he has to play a role, that’s the one he wants.

Noir always liked foxes, for all that he’s never seen a live one. The stories though. Those were good.

After a couple of minutes idle watching Noir leaves with a polite bow, chewing on the number listed by the fox mask. So far he’s been getting by, mostly by scrounging, he isn’t really in a position where having an account is doable so most of the jobs he could do he can’t actually get paid for. Forgery of that magnitude isn’t his strong suit, and even if it was, he wouldn’t like doing it.

The humans standing by the spot he’d tucked his neatly folded clothes away really should have registered sooner, he thinks in the frozen second when they spot him and he spots them. 

“Oh, shit,” Noir says, because his threat assessment just had a fit and he didn’t actually ever prepare for a situation like this. He isn’t programmed for confrontations, damn it.

At least they look about as baffled at the situation as he feels.

“Is that a robot wearing shoes,” one of them asks the others after an awkward moment of silence, and Noir wishes he was capable of rolling his eyes at them because yes, obviously. Why do humans have to be like that? It’s not like he wants wet feet either. Sludge seeping into his foot-wiring is a more pressing concern than wet socks damn it, that shit is delicate.

“That’s my clothes,” he says, because what else is there to do? “Give them back.”

“It’s a mouthy robot wearing shoes,” one of the others says. Rude, he’s right there.

They’re young, late teens, the exact kind of guys Noir would keep an extra eye on back home when there were more than two of them. Three is trouble. He swears he can see those little gears turn from ‘mildly bored’ to ‘here’s something nobody will care if we mess with’.

“Hey,” the stupid questions guy says in a tone Noir doesn’t care for. “Aren’t things like you supposed to talk nice to people,” he’s stepping closer, a hand raised out.

He’s not sure when, exactly, he got that alert but it’s flashing at him in an obnoxious red as he hisses “Don’t. Touch.” His face is so close to the teen his cameras can focus past the reflection in the mask’s glass. That face is priceless, but something’s nagging him still. He brushes the warning aside, it’s not like he’s gonna use more force on that fragile arm, he knows exactly how much force it’ll take to break bone and this is barely gonna leave a bruise.

Not that the old restrictions care, he can tell it’s ticking down to freeze him for ‘manhandling’ a visitor. Something in the kids' expressions changes.

Uh-uh, he thinks in that split second before things go black. Bad move.

There’s a 10 minute lapse in data when he gets back enough processing power to actually check. A quick scan doesn’t show any grievous error messages since the last log, so that’s something. A couple of minor ones he should probably check out. Noir gets up. 

One of them must’ve kicked his head or… something. The near seamless joint of his face isn’t so seamless anymore. His right eye feels a little loose, but it’s running fine. Which is good, cause it’s one of those components that run at a pretty high price here. Short supply he guesses. Not that he really needs two, but people tend to be freaked out if one’s missing. Something about that hole…

Noir tilts his head, picking up the soggy remains of what the teens didn’t manage to wreck before they ran off.

He runs those numbers again.

Hmm.

“I will be buying from you today,” Noir says, his automated cheerful tone ringing in the silence of the store. He doesn’t stumble, his spatial sensors are too good at corrections for that, but his movements are a little off now. He hadn’t taken that into account. That doesn’t matter, it doesn’t hurt, that’d be silly. It’s just that the absence is weird

He can fix that, later.

The store owner looks a little troubled, but to his credit he doesn’t make any stupid remarks.Just blinks, shakes his head and straightens out. “Which one,” he asks. Noir points, and the human makes a sound he doesn’t know how to interpret. He’s staring at Noir’s eye socket and he hates that feeling. Not mirroring that stupid smile to make a frown takes measurable effort.

“Transfer?” the question rattles Noir, even though it shouldn’t.

“I have been given cash,” he says, placing the crumbled notes on the counter. Exact change. He wants this over with so he can get people to stop staring at the stupid hole. That isn’t his face.

“Hm,” the human goes and grabs the fox mask from its spot, placing it in a rag-fabric bag without asking, along with the filtration system. “Thank you,” Noir says and takes the bag. He very nearly means it. 

He doesn’t wait to hear if there’s an answer to that. He’s done with playing servant. 

It feels right, adjusting the mask so it fits snugly. He looks at his reflection in a grimy window and sure, he needs some better clothes to make him stand out a little less but… it’s him, not some blank faced shell. Noir runs his fingers against the edge of the glass. 

He can always replace that eye. That was never really important, as long as the important parts are him he can manage.

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 18.5.24

Dream 1 He keeps saying he loves me. I feel it is true but I don't believe him so I don't say it back. I am at our old house in the bedroom getting ready to go out with my family. I keep changing my mind with what I’m wearing. I've got on a comfortable outfit, a tracksuit as if I'm about to attend a P.E class but I keep looking in the mirror and second guessing myself. He is standing right beside me, our sides are touching and he keeps whispering in my ear that he loves me but my heart is completely closed to it. Is it even him? I'm getting confused between the energy of him and my ex. I think at one point, we embrace even though we shouldn’t have and I’m thinking, am I really attracted to him romantically? Or like platonically? (like with my ex). As I head downstairs, I see three massive plastic tubs that are stacked on top of each other, filled with slices of cake. The type of cake with copious amounts of pale cream icing, like leftovers from a wedding or other huge celebration event.

My parents are outside. They're in the front yard of our current house, even though I just came downstairs from our old house. They are sitting on the ground and around them are random scattered parts of a pram or something to do with the car. They are trying to fix this contraption I suppose, so we can go. My auntie (who we never talk to) and grandma (who's dead now) are waiting and sitting on chairs in the near distance around where the letterboxes are. I don’t want to greet them so I keep my distance. I want to help my parents but I don't know how. I feel inadequate just standing there. Then my father says to me, you are no longer my worst daughter, your sister is. I feel awkward about this revelation, I was glad to be in his good books but not at the expense of my sibling.

Dream 2 I'm at work and it's busy. I am dealing with a customer and it's taking a long time. Then the student informs me there is someone on the phone waiting to speak to me. It seems like a bigger issue than the one I'm currently dealing with but I obviously have to do things in order. And it has to be me who deals with it too, since the impression is that something is wrong, like missing tablets or the wrong strength. But after I serve the current person, I appear at home where I’m having a shower and I have forgotten all about the phone call. I feel bad. Shit. But also whatever I don’t care. I'll just let the student eventually take the call and deal with it, she’s perfectly capable.

Dream 3 My siblings and I are getting ready to go to our kid cousin's birthday party (who we have never spoken to irl). My parents are already there and we have to go and meet them, the party is taking place right now. We get into the car and even though I'm in the driver's seat, my sister who is in the front passenger seat, is the one who is actually driving. There are steering wheels on both sides. She's doing a good job of it too. She's sitting back in the chair and the wheel is really close to her person, which I find strange because it's detached from the car itself. We arrive at the venue, it's quite fancy and grand but there's barely anyone around. A customer walking past recognises me but I ignore him. We walk around trying to find the room where the party is happening but we can't find it. After awhile we just end up going home and chill in our rooms. When my parents and relatives arrive home, they've barely gotten through the door before they start hurling anger at us for missing the party. I say something in Viet to my mother, something along the lines of we couldn’t find the room, but she mocks me because I pronounced one of the words wrong. I snap at her saying, How dare you mock me when I tried my best. I go back into the bedroom where my sister is. She looks different, prettier, like more radiant. She said she had gotten some permanent makeup done in the style that she usually does her makeup. A tattoo. I saw faint black lines on the creases of her lids which created a nice shadow and I thought she looked lovely.

[kecharacosplay]

Currently Feeling Like The Worst Person Alive

Rant post ahead, skip if you don't like sad/angry pouting.

This is my beautiful princess, Tonks. She's about 7 years old and is the most pampered baby I've ever had. She's also my first long-term cat, as before I'd only fostered a few.

She's always been a bit delicate, specifically regarding her health(little colds all the time, possibly allergies), but never anything serious...at least until the last year or so. A few months ago, she got a hematoma(swelling of the ear) that required a cannula(drain tube/surgery), and these past few weeks we've been dealing with a combination UTI/ear mites situation.

Luckily at her checkup, the ear mites seems to be taken care of, although the UTI came back after getting back from the appointment(was worried she had a blockage this time, but the pee -did- come out eventually, just took her a few tries).

So you may be wondering why I feel like a horrible person because of this? Well, it's because she also has shitty teeth and needs a deep cleaning/possible extraction...but of course it's going to cost over $700 dollars. Those who know me, and maybe those who don't can probably guess that I don't have that kind of money. I had to beg help from my parents just to cover the antibiotics/checkup(about $200 including vet fees for current issues, nearly $400 last year for the cannula).

I feel horrible because they've told me a few times over the years that her teeth weren't great and she'd probably need to have them cleaned. And because of the cost, I just keep putting it off, hoping that someday things would turn around financially and I'd be able to get her the help that she needs.

This has not happened yet...but I'm still hoping. She hasn't really been eating much the last few weeks, possibly because of the stress of medicine/appointments/uti pain...but her shitty teeth probably cause her pain every day too.

So here are my options:

1: Commissions: My primary source of income, and preferred method if I'm being honest. Cosplay costumes, dresses, purses, hell I've even done a few plushies now. If it's sewn, I can probably make it, and I use Paypal mostly(invoicing system allows for payment plans), but I also accept CashApp, Stripe, and a few others I can't remember. You can contact me about this in any form you wish. Tumblr message, IG, FB, email, anything except phone call(I don't have a 'business line', just a personal phone).

2: Patreon- I don't post newd stuff, but I do occasionally do tease things, but only for the higher tiers. I have a whole bunch of stuff planned to add to this if it ever actually gains traction, but for now I just post a set of pics(cosplay/casual/sometimes boudoir) once a week.

3: Donations- My least favorite, but possibly has the highest potential? I don't use GFM because they are greedy bastards that abuse the shit out of desperate people, so instead I use Ko-Fi(and CashApp too I guess?) If you don't wanna pay monthly, and don't have the funding for fancy-custom-made garments, but still want to help, this is the way to go. I also have a handful of digital patterns here as well, which I guess is a way to donate while still getting something back.

Sorry this griping ended up so long. I like to type when I'm extra frustrated and depressed, and I know Tumblr isn't the best place for money-raising, but I honestly just don't have the energy to attempt building a following anywhere else. I've been on IG for 8-10 years and still haven't hit 500 followers, so I just don't think I'm one of those people that flourishes in the spotlight.

Still, for the sake of my sweet little princess(I also have a dog with recently-developed seizures, and the other cat Cirilla is fine on health but just recently added to the bills with vaccine updates), I will keep trying until my dying breath.

[angeldcgs]

“that’s one way to look at it!” a more flippant outlook than the one she shared, but val didn’t think he wanted to hear her wax poetic about taking a chance on love no matter the consequences. people of his generation— the generation she was attempting to pass as— were a lot more cynical about the concept of love, generally avoiding displaying genuine emotions at the risk of appearing too vulnerable. there was only so much she could hold back, though, her feelings too intense to merely bottle up and keep held inside. “but marriage isn’t about the wedding… a big fancy party like that really isn’t necessary, it’s just tradition. maybe when you meet someone you feel strongly about, you’ll change your mind!” it did ease her worries to learn that he wasn’t against the concept in general, but merely all the outdated customs that came along with it— customs he wouldn’t have to worry about if he pursued a long term commitment with her. if money was his worry, regarding marriage or just life in general, then he’d just so happened to stumble across the perfect person. wealth meant very little to her as an immortal being, and she had more than she knew what to do with. supporting someone financially was no issue for her, especially someone who could provide her with something money couldn’t buy. she didn’t want to feel as though she was buying his love, but it just made sense for her to provide him with whatever he needed after what she’d taken from him. he was likely feeling guilty for taking up so much of her time and energy, as if he was a burden, when really, she was the only one who should be feeling bad for nearly draining him. of course, if he knew that, he’d likely be fleeing from her house as fast as his weakened legs could carry him, so she’d allow him to believe he was at fault for as long as she could get away with. “alright… i’ll just leave this with you in case you change your mind.” she placed both bags of snacks on the bed beside him, unable to resist reaching out and giving his hair a soft pet. already, she was finding it difficult to offer him the space to recover on his own, reverting back to her tendency to smother. it could very well end up scaring him off and pushing him away altogether, but she hoped that he'd take it as an earnest effort to help him out rather than a red flag. "of course! it's no problem at all, really. i won't accept a single penny from you, so don't even try." what she really wanted from him was more valuable than money, anyway. her offering couldn't compare to what he'd already given her, but she hoped that it would only be the first of many kind gestures to convey her appreciation for his sacrifice. "oh, don't be silly! you're welcome to stay as long as you like— i don't have houseguests very often anymore... it's just nice to have company." val was delighted to see his attempt at sitting up was more successful this time, already seeing a great improvement in him since he'd woken up. his heartbeat was stronger too, the flow of blood more robust, not yet to the point where she could safely feed again, but he was getting there. "i told you, you don't need to thank me. i'm happy to be of service! just call me nurse val, here at your beck and call." her teeth sunk into her lower lip to stifle her toothy grin before she paused. "you probably should try and shower, though.... it's really roomy, though, so you can sit down if standing is too much."

"no! it's not. it’s cool- i mean, gotta try everything once, right?” it wasn’t something new at try at a restaurant or a sex position read about in some book, marriage was a big deal and not the sort of thing people tended to do just for the sake of trying it. still, charlie was trying his best to appear open-minded, he was surprised to say the least but it didn’t change what little opinion he had on her. his curiosity had been piqued but he didn’t dare question her about the subject, assuming that it was maybe too tender still to discuss, especially with a stranger. he didn’t actually have that strong an opinion on marriage as whole, mainly because he’d assumed it was the sort of thing that was out of the question. val’s surprise wasn’t an uncommon reaction, though it usually came from people quite the bit older than him. people their age tended to understand his thought process and often agreed. “uh, well… weddings are expensive, y’know? you gotta get a ring and a cake and-and all that, i don’t really see the point in it.” if he found someone to stick around him long term then great, it was a miracle, however it wasn’t something he expected to happen or was trying to chase after. with the goal of painting himself out to be more appealing than he was, charlie chose not to mention his issues with commitment- not that he was unable to do so but rather he had things that had to be prioritized before a relationship, drugs mainly. if she’d seen how much he’d drank the night before, had she also seen him disappear to the bathroom multiple times? the little baggy he’d brought along with him that night had been emptied pretty early on in the night but still he kept going back, just in case he spotted someone else with similar habits who didn’t mind sharing. maybe she was into that sort of thing too, he couldn't imagine it but weirder things could be true. it was a conversation for another time though, if there was one. for all he knew she was just making sure he wasn't going to drop dead and would kick him to the curb once he could walk again. "yeah, i'm- i'm all good, thanks." if he ate anymore, he worried that he might upset his stomach and make a bigger fool of himself by throwing up. then again, maybe she'd go back to petting his hair if he appeared in needing of being coddled. he tried not to look so relieved that she didn't expect him to pay her back for any of the food or drinks she'd purchased for him but a small sigh of relief still escaped his lips. "are you sure? i don't mind." maybe she could tell that he didn't have a lot of money. it'd be a fair assessment to make after taking a glance at him, though he'd pretend to be offended if she dared admit to it out loud. whatever he did have had been spent on drinks and drugs, he'd likely have to pick up a few more shifts at work to try and make up for what he'd be lacking in rent and it'd still be worth it for getting to indulge in his vices. for a moment charlie was torn between looking at the bottle in his hand, the water in val's and her hopeful expression. he couldn't help but jump back and forth between appreciating how caring and considerate val was and being apprehensive of it. he wanted to allow himself time to enjoy being looked after but something wasn't right, it was all too good to be true. "i'm alright. i'll, uh... i'll get out of your hair soon. can't imagine you wanna spend your weekend taking care of me." he forced an awkward laugh and tested his mobility once again, wincing as he tried to sit up straighter. "thank you though. i don't think anyone's treated me this nice during a hangover before."