#i don't go to church anymore
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I actually do love that even if Shadowheart becomes a cleric of Selune she's not like...actively following Selune
like it was kinda always clearly like that regardless but its especially obivous for me playing a Selunite right now because you do get a significant amount of Selune specific dialogue options about the conversion with her basically from the point where she saves Aylin on and I honestly don't usually take them from a RP standpoint, but I like to see where the dialogue trees lead so I'll quicksave and take them to see where they lead and then load back usually to pick the dialogue option I actually want (though sometimes I don't reload especially if the outcome is a little bitchy or sassy in some way unexpectedly fun)
and anyway, if you take a lot of those options, some of which are more pushy about her being a Selunite now, she'll often push back against that. Not in the way where she's actively antagonistic to Selune like she was before, but she'll basically push back against the idea that she's suddenly going to be all for Selune like she was for Shar. or even like actively worshipping Selune at all. she makes it clear that even if she turned against Shar, she didn't do that for Selune or to become a Selunite and you shouldn't expect that from her. One bit of dialogue I really liked from her was her saying that she's "wary of goddesses" right now.
and like I do just really love that because it gives her so much more agency as a character not to just jump from being one kind of zealot to another. like she's not going from being a member of a bad cult to a member of a good cult. she's going from the bad cult to being like very hesitant about where the fuck she goes from here and loosely accepting the support of Selune while there are no strings attached but being extremely wary of seeking out that support or giving that support any kind of deeper meaning or devotion. she's accepting Selune's help because Selune just gave it without asking for anything but she's not going to go about seeking out more until she's dealt with her past and established herself, and she might not even do so then
and I love that for like her personal agency, like I said, but I also love that because also leads to the funniest possible post-game life for her and my Selunite cleric because you have like my Tav, who is actively a follower of Selune and at the end of this game will be one of the most powerful clerics of Selune in any given place because level 12 clerics don't exactly just come out of no where and its like, she's doing so much to show her devotion to her goddess and worked so hard to reach this point and have this much of a connection with Selune and its all probably so big and meaningful to her
and then you have her wife Shadowheart who is also an equally powerful level 12 cleric of Selune but can't quote a single line of any prayer, doesn't know any rituals or ceremonies or anything, and doesn’t even actively worship her in any way but Selune is still like "have some divine intervention"
#I love shadowheart just being a very powerful cleric forever because Selune felt bad and shes like 'you dont have to worship me or whatever#'have some level 6 spells just don't be sharran anymore ok?'#'sorry about the trauma here's planar ally you don't have to do anything or go to church ever'#shadowheart#selunite tave#selune#bg3#baldur's gate 3#selunite tav x shadowheart
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I'm arguing with some catholic girl on tiktok (yes i know, first mistake) and she just told me that "going to church on sundays" is literally in the 10 commandments. Baffled actually.
#own post#catholicism#my credentials are life long trauma from catholic school and basic reading comprehension so don't try to tell me that moses and his crew ha#a) churches and b) sundays as their holy/'important to religious activities' day#she also claimed that the thing about not being supposed to take the eucharist when not “”pure enough“” (approximately paraphrasing) is#about going to church on sundays#when i have it on good authority (my catholic grandma) that it's about having gone to confession semi recently#like i feel this person is just obsessed with going to church on sundays#but girly this isn't the medieval times anymore the official doctrine is that being a good person is more important to getting into heaven#than Churchill attendance#obviously church attendance helps but they won't kick you out for being holier than jesus and never going#essentially#she's like really nice and all but she is factually wrong
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since the pride flag on my icon is apparently not clear enough: please for the love of god don't follow me if you treat gayness as some sort of leprosy that makes you feel the need to use tags like "caution: lgbt content on op's blog" when you reblog things. for fuck's sake
#'but aren't you doing the same thing by blocking them' I want to interest you in the paradox of tolerance and I mean that genuinely#it's a very interesting topic#tagging a content warning for queer content feels like. racial segregation mindset but for christians#......this is why I don't go to church anymore#it's mine my own my precious#not lotr
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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out of all the situations that make people on here talk like conservatives, atheism is the funniest one... i have to read a million quirky posts about catholic guilt but the second you find out some people don't do that shit you're suddenly the most spiritual person to ever walk the earth and god's most perfect princess?
#thinking about that usamerican post that was like 'not to alarm you guys but some atheists are like second or third generation by now...#it's not just people who know god is real but don't go to church anymore' like pleaseee this is a common and normal experiencein some places#i hate complaining about religion because i sound like ricky gervais but also i dont want to be involved with it.. it's not for me
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was gonna write a whole thing about how i was trying to work out how religion works in flatland and which families still go to religious ceremonies and festivals (that do canonically exist in the text) but honestly just sharing this convo between a friend and i from before configuration was even a solid idea is funnier
#anyway if we're sticking with basing stuff on the victorian era-- no bill was not catholic#the most popular church at the time was the church of england#which is an anglican-protestant denomination#so if i wanna be more thorough with the religious aspects of flatland i'm basing it more off that#but also bill doesn't go to church and hasn't since he was incredibly young#the ciphers don't really go either anymore
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I find it so funny when Christian people (or even ex Christian people) are astounded by my complete lack of knowledge around their religion. like I know some of the stories that they tell children in Sunday school, I know a few key things about catholics, that's about it. people are so confused when I tell them I've literally never read a single page of the bible
#think they're confused because i don't ''look'' like I'm apart of a another religion#and most atheists in the U.S. have had Christianity pushed onto them at some point in their life#either they grew up at a Christian church#or they had Christian family members#and like. i do. but my grandparents don't go to church anymore and they haven't for over a decade#not to mention neither of my grandparents are particularly attached to Christianity anymore especially not my grandpa#i was never bought a bible when i was younger#and i never went to any sort of Christian church
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Since it's not going in my article due to space constraints, i'll share a bit about Jane Manning James here. It won't be superfleshed out atm bc it got cut. I plan to do more later. As I am *Reorganized*, writing this for a Community of Christ publication, i researched Ld-S shared history to the point of Nauvoo. my article doesn't follow west (technically). the main resource was an LDS one (thank you v much for your freely available archive) asking about her time with the prophet of the Restoration.
Jane Manning James
A significant Black Latter Day Saint from the early church was Jane Manning James. A woman from Connecticut notably made the walk from Buffalo, New York to Nauvoo, Illinois on foot, with most of her family. This was only after being separated from the group of recently converted latter day saints in Buffalo, possibly due to their race. Jane was baptized in 1842 by missionaries in her home state of Connecticut. She recorded these things about her journey and arrival to Nauvoo and her faith when asked to recall her life living with Joseph Smith in 1905.
“When I went there [Nauvoo] I only had two things on me, no shoes nor stockings, wore them all out on the road… They [Joseph and Emma] was looking for us because I wrote them a letter. There was eight of us, my mother and two sisters and a brother and sister-in-law, and we had two children, one they had to carry all the way there, and we traveled a thousand miles.”
She was sure in her belief of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and Modern Prophecy. She says in her recollection, after seeing that Joseph Smith Jr was indeed the man in her vision in Connecticut, that “This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ and there will never be any other on earth. It has come to stay.” Sister James would later go west with the saints under the leadership of then Apostle Brigham Young.
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me tumblr posting again:
thank you for the example set Sister James on faith, dedication, and perseverance. She also had spiritual gifts, such as speaking in tongue and faith healing. She believed following the gospel, knowing it was a key to a better way of living life (for her.) it wasn't easy for her, and yet, i think the faith community i observe today (and mormonism in general) is better, just for her having lived it.
may she be at peace, and in a manner God, Sister Jane herself, and her family she led that meant so very much to her, see fit.
#the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints#latter day saint#afrostake#tumblrstake#mormon#mormon history#mormonism#religion#they dont mention anything about sealing bc we don't have it#most reorg saints don't know it exists nor that it was ever practiced#its simply assumed that will be the case. that your family will be there (and that there will be work to be done)#so i say it is unlikely that Sis Jane is actually eternally sealed to the Smiths as a servant bc God is no respecter of persons#who even said that Joseph is in the CK. he could be in the Telestial Kingdom rn as we speak. depending on how time / resurrection day works#Jane may be in the CK maybe having a sisterly relationship with Emma if that's how the afterlife works#i also don't believe the kingdoms are permanent. as a side note. if Joseph Jr ain't there i think he can be in God's time.#and josephites (reorganized saints) don't have a way to report card which kingdom they'll go too#and nobody talks about it bc its the afterlife and community of christ doesnt focus (or sometimes doesn't even care) about the afterlife#i've heard it talked about in depths twice and in general maybe 4-5 times. know a brother i meet with weekly who is newly widowerd#no one seems to think the work is over and that we well still be working and progressing in our faith helping others progress after death#that one is cultural - may come from common unwritten- early lds belief since L-dSaints have a new direction and more developed idea of thi#but for the sake of all sakes#can they not reseal her?#certainly a prophet could - listening to Gods call of liberation - see the symbolism and cultural moment that could be#or does post mortem sealing go off the rails? i don't go here. its often sweet and i think harmful in some ways too. JS Jr would Just Do It#but alas - i dont think emma should be involved with any of that. she wouldn’t want to do anymore sealing#i just think if you can do a baptism after death why not a sealing. but doing one would perhaps open a floodgate?#but perhaps its time for those many church generation Black families to be able to have that with they're bygone relatives#once i gave a mourning period & lively death procession & lively dance celebration on the alantic coast to#to honor all my ancestors/ predecessors who were killed and thrown into the sea or would rather die than be enslaved and jumped#danced in the same ocean they died in and dumped (state park approved) flowers into the sea
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lmao @ the post on my dash below the one I just made being about the evangelical christian persecution complex
#it's a subject that I regard with both scorn and a deep sense of pity honestly#because it's nonsense but it's also the result of purposeful traumatic conditioning since childhood#I think it's reductionist to be like 'oh they're just acting like victims because they can't be homophobic anymore!'#because unfortunately I can verify that they acted like that when they were allowed to be homophobic too#it's a very deep-rooted issue that's been going on for decades#and which is reproduced by purposefully traumatizing children so#it's all just very sad and weird and xenophobic#like I remember being scared for big bird when I was shown big bird in china because I'd been taught that I'd be killed if I ever went ther#they made me act out skits where I'd be murdered for refusing to recant my beliefs to 'prepare' me#I was taught how to use a gun when I was like... nine I think? at church camp#like I cannot overstate how fucked up it all is#and it's not okay but I don't think that making fun of people who went through that conditioning will change it#it'll just make them double down tbh#I understand the urge but I think it's probably counterproductive#like harassing mormon missionaries. feels good temporarily but it just makes them more ensconced in the religion.
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goodnight . easter tomorrow king
#i am going to the easter breakfast at church so i now have one easter plan instead of no easter plan#and then i will go home and write so i don't have to think anymore. if i can be honest#goodnighttttt. if i make it through tomorrow i will be GOLDEN#.txt
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Satenik actually had a really good relationship with Melik's parents and brothers (although tbh she was mostly making an effort to do so out of spite). Magnus could have had a much larger extended family growing up if Melik wasn't...Melik.
#satenik varoujan#melik hammersmith#magnus only saw his paternal extended family on christmas when they would go to church#so only the first 9 years of his life#after the divorce melik was like 'nope' and satenik was like 'well guess i don't have to suck up to the in-laws anymore :/'
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i just had the weirdest fucking dream
that was fucking spooky
#i was in a room with some person idk#it was dark#i think it was some sort of irl omegle if that makes sense??#anyway weird shit starts happening#things start moving and a black and grey shadowy figure starts moving in the mirror#like if any of you know that one mlp infection au on tiktok#with shining armor breaking his horn and the moving living trees#it was moving like how the trees and infected ponies move in that#then i woke up in the dream because apparently that was a dream in a dream#and i'm fucking somewhere with my family#like a road trip thing but i distinctly remember taking a bus from the church i go to#and there were some people from church????#i don't fucking know anymore just. what the fuck#didn't take meletonin btw#ethan's yapping again
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hi hello i’m still shaking but i need to discuss angels for man by rafael nicolas with someone i can’t do this, i never felt like this after a book what the fuck did you to me rafael
#angels before man#rafael nicolas#rafael why have you forsaken me so#i don't know what emotions are anymore#i laughed and cried and screamed today#i cursed and took it all back#i even prayed to God before i think my head broke#in short please pay my therapy#lovely book tho#<3#15/5 would recommend it to my church-going grandma
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You know what let's try to settle this
#idk about you guys but I'm going with option 4#ever since the church chapter I've been flip floping between thinking she'll be at PS or at the church#and now i just don't know anymore#csm#chainsaw man#csm reze#bomb devil#hyena ramblings
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"I am going to do some Gpose today" I have said to myself for a week or two since my health issues have been lessening... and then I think about how much energy and time it takes, and I just... don't.
#trapped in an ugly cycle of being disinterested in my own characters bc others are disinterested#but also over the last few years the RP focus has massively shifted to Elezen and Ishgard in the tumblr XIV community#I'll eventually find a way to meet people in other RP spheres...maybe#and I live in a place that's as cold and snowy as Ishgard most of the year... so I don't enjoy the zone at all#plus the themes in Ishgard are meh for me - I just don't care about the catholic guilt stuff#plus the church was overthrown so that's not even really a relevant zone theme anymore?#and the class warfare is more interesting in Ul'dah for me...bc it's warm and doesn't remind me that I'm *also* stuck in a frozen hellscape#anyways it's so cold that my bones hurt#going to reserve my spoons for a day I have the energy to spend like 8 hours taking pictures and video
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tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)
#my friend's in the hospital again so i spent 20 on an uber with my other friend to go see her#but by the time we got there visiting hours were over 😭#so we just had dinner at the park#and i told her about The Big Terrible Thing for the first time#straight through without embellishment! yay! i think at least#because ive retold the story in so many different ways that im not actually sure what happened anymore#she was like super chill about it though!! and was like im really impressed that you actively made an effort to not be [REDACTED]#not really what she said more like Making An Effort to No Longer [Redacted]#redacted as an action not as a noun blah blah you know#and she told me about how shes faced discrimination at our super homogeneously chinese church which i feel REALLY BAD ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW#HOW TO EXPRESS IT TO HER OR WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT 😭😭😭😭 GIRL HELP#im being so useless and chinese about it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i don't know how to talk to people about things that matter#and idk like ok v non-tatimaxxing of me to say but ive been so self centered and going Wahhh these normies will never experience my#Deep Secret Emotions unlockable only by spending too much time on tumblr as a child#on the other hand i feel like once this has gotten out of the way i don't really have an excuse for not connecting with my church friends#yknow. like i don't have to hide this from them any more#they're great people!! and they're going through so much and I need to be there for them but I couldn't even get tothe stupidhospital on tim#not cry typing just ran out of space#anyway I wish I could care more about them I wish I could make genuine connections without having to lie to feel some sort of weird#rush of power over them because I know the truth and they don't when I lie so much I don't even know what the truth is#I've been putting my face on here more lately because I want to be genuine and I want to not hide things#but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable 😭😭😭#cc diary
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