#i don't even know what this is i just had 'the effect is often the same. but motives matter'

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

"I dunno. A car it's like... like I dunno I guess like," Steve bites his lip, leans back over the hood of his glorious beater he's been lovingly, 'n often painstakingly, fixin' up. There's a hotness burnin' up the back of his throat that pisses him off to no end. He shuts his eyes, runs a hand over his face, tries again.

"Like, when you work with a car there's just- like- there's kinda these-ugh!" Steve scowls. There are tears of frustration burnin' up behind his eyes 'n that just pisses him off more. He knows what he's trying to say so why can't he just say it.

"Take your time, man." Soda tilts his head to the side, absentmindedly pulls a thread out of his DX shirt. He's not like most guys Steve knows. The kind that make him feel like there was somethin' fuckin' wrong with him for needin' a minute to put his words in order. Or the kind that politely looked away when hot tears stacked up behind his eyes. No, Soda looked right at him like he had all the time in the world 'n he was spendin' it on purpose with Steve. Just waitin' on him to say what he meant.

God. Sometimes Steve felt like the luckiest guy alive. But then Soda leans over 'n steals the last bite of Steve's hotdog 'n the effect is mildy ruined.

Steve pulls his knees up across the hood 'n rests his head back on the windshield. He can feel the Tusla sun beatin' down even through his DX shirt. It had been a slow day. A Thursday in the middle of August when the end of summer clung to everythin' 'n hung heavy 'n slow in the air.

"When you're workin' on a car, only half of it is knowin'. You gotta be able to sorta sense some of it." Steve wrinkles his nose, shakes his head. "Does that make any sense?"

He peeks around his leg to see Soda. He's layin' flat on his back on the car parked beside Steve's. A beetle bug that they were supposed to be replacing the oil valve gasket in. But it would be a quick job 'n even Soda wasn't immune to the way August made you want to just sit still for a moment. The hood on Soda's was significantly more sloped 'n he kept almost slidin' off. But when Steve looks over Soda's got his head to the side, blinkin' at Steve, blonde hair fallin' in waves around his eyes.

"Oh. Like a horse." Soda nods to himself, almost slides right off onto his ass again.

"Huh?" Steve sits up, raises an eyebrow 'n Soda slips off the front, clambers onto Steve's beater.

"Like a horse." Soda's grinnin' wide with all his teeth like only Soda can.

"Ok. Wanna elaborate?" Steve have never gotten into the rodeo thing as much as Soda had. He'd go, sure. Hell, he'd ridden once or twice but he was never like Soda. He had loved those things. Well. Until.

"When you're ridin' a horse, right? You can't think about it like you 'n the horse are two separate things. The second you do that, that horse is gonna realize it don't want you on it one bit. You gotta sense what it wants. What it needs. 'Cause the horse sure as hell ain't gonna tell you. I figure, it's the same with a car, right? Like, sure, you can teach someone how to ride but they gotta have that extra somethin' that makes you good at it. You can teach any loser to fix a part but it takes somethin' to be a mechanic. Right?"

Steve blinks at Soda. Once, twice. Soda's eyes are bright 'n focused like they always are when he talks about ridin'.

"Yeah, somethin' like that."

"Well, that makes sense. You put that real good Stevie." And Steve snorts 'n doesn't remind him one bit that it was him that put it all together.

Soda grins at him, worries his lip, 'n slouches back down. "I miss it. Y'know?"

And Steve does know. 'Cause whatever you needed to go all the way? Soda had it. Soda absently runs his thumb around his kneecap, frowns.

That was the problem with these slow August days. They were fit for rememberin' even when you didn't want to.

"Hey, Steve?" Soda folds legs up under him, pushes his bangs from his eyes.

"Yeah, Sodapop?"

"I think you got it. Whatever it is. You're gonna make it big time. One day I'm gonna turn around 'n you're gonna be on the front of one of them car magazines." Steve's heart does a sudden, violent ache.

"Yeah, I'll be the girlie in the bikini, draped over some hot rod." Steve leans back on the windshield again, drops a hand to his forehead.

"Nah, that's my job. Lemme be the arm candy, it's all I'm good for." 'N Soda's grinnin' 'n laughin' but it's not funny. Really.

A car pulls into the DX 'n Soda slides off the hood 'n goes to take their gas. Two kids clamber out, hay clingin' to their clothes, wreakin' like a stable 'n huge grins plastered on their faces. Soda pulls up short, mid-step.

Steve hurries to catch up with him. Soda's got this kind of, longin' in his eyes, his smile waverin'. Steve puts a hand between his shoulder blades 'n Soda's grin pulls right back up at the corners like a puppet.

"Shame they ain't girlies, could have gotten a real sweet tip." Soda starts back up again, takin' long lopin' steps.

"Hey Soda!" Soda stops, spins halfway around. "Some people get it for one thing. Cars or horses or writin' or whatever. Whatever you got Soda? It's better than all that shit. 'Cause you don't fix up cars. You fix up people."

Soda blinks at him. "You didn't stutter or nothin'."

"I didn't." Soda tilts his head, the boys in the car hit their horn, a song blasts from a passin' truck, the sun beats down.

"Like horses?" Soda's hair is like a halo in the light, his eyes big 'n waitin'.

"Like horses."

[fourcornersofcreation]

Percy and Grover are the two biggest gossips in the riordanverse and no one can convince me otherwise.

Percy/Grover knows when the other has just learned something juicy cause of their empathy link (that's been completely forgotten buy literally everyone, something I cry bout everyday).

Now don't get me wrong, Percy and Grover would never share/spread what they know outside of each other, they know how damaging rumours can be.

I just hc that Percy subconsciously seeks out information on other people as a sort of "passive" defense mechanism if that makes sense.

With how little people tell him (if they tell me anything at all) and how often everyone, even those closest to him, deliberately keeps him in the dark, his habit of seeking out "gossip" and "rumors" when he was younger steadily developed into a habit of seeking and hoarding whatever information he could find.

Like he doesn't need to know but he'd like too, and virtually nothing about his behavior towards the others would change aside from the fact he'd be more prepared to interact/deal with the person he's talking to/facing, more prepared to "code switch" in a way.

Which loops in well with the fact that many people (Grover, annabeth, Thalia, Bianca, Zoe etc) confide in Percy/tell him bout their pasts/secrets easily enough, and while Percy listens to and empathizes with them he rarely offers up his own experiences.

One of the only times I can remember where Percy tried to get someone to see/understand his pov with him was in TLT where he asked annabeth something to the effect of "what if it was your dad that was kidnapped?" and annabeth replied with something like "I wouldn't care" which understandably surprised Percy. I think that interaction is part of the reason why Percy never speaks about himself/his past with others, it's obviously not the only thing that contributed but I think it was a decent sized factor in maybe not creating but rather cementing the idea that Percy should keep his cards as close to his chest as possible, and if he ever had to share any of his cards I think he'd like to know how he should share them, like how he should phrase things and what points he should make yk?

The more he knows bout the person he may have to interact with, the easier it would be to "make a plan" so to speak (and by "make a plan" I mean that Percy wouldn't have to worry much bout stepping into uncomfortable territory if that makes sense)

Let's not forget that despite what everyone says and believes (both in universe and in fandom), Percy is not only smart as hell, he's also incredibly observant and he notices a lot of things, he'd find it real easy to build a profile on everything he comes into contact with.

Grover, due to the empathy link, did pick up Percy's habit and adopted it himself but he also just straight up likes to gossip

(This got kinda derailed/rambley and this hc is totally just me projecting onto Percy a lil, I stand by it tho.)

[kyoshitargaryen]

a neurodivergent breakdown of the 3D and 4D for manifesting + shifting

key: 3D — the physical world, what you experience in your current reality, intrusive thoughts, emotions ; 4D — imagination, visualization / affirmation for manifestations and desired realities, intentional thoughts, beliefs

table of contents — brief explanation of 3D and 4D – living in the 4D – on belief (and believing even when you don't believe) – decentring the 3D – participating in the 3D

for the longest time, I couldn't grasp how to participate in the 3D without feeling as though I was invalidating or preventing my manifestations. I'm not gonna lie, this was most likely my autism skewing my view.

I naturally have a very black-and-white, rigid way of thinking. many neurodivergent people do, and if you're one of us, or maybe you need a little confirmation that what you're doing is right, stick around for an easy (or easier?) to grasp explanation.

brief explanation of the 3D and 4D

the 3D and the 4D are intimately tied together, with the 3D being a dependent variable and the 4D being an independent one

dependent variable — a variable (denoted by y) whose value is determined by that of another independent variable — a variable (denoted by x) whose value is being changed on its own, not by the influence of another variable

in other words, the 4D is the cause, and the 3D is the effect. if you follow the law of assumption and neville goddard, you've likely heard the quote "consciousness is the only reality." as in, the things we pay attention to, shape our reality. neville goddard says that our reality — the people we interact with, the things we experience, the opportunities given to us — are directly tied to and mirror our subconscious.

living in the 4D

just like a knot can be tied, our reality can be both made and unmade. the 3D is pliable and moldable. in order to do so, we must live in the 4D, as in, live in imagination.

living in imagination isn't simply daydreaming about what you wish to manifest, it's about actively embodying the perception of already having your desire.

if I were to want to manifest being an incredible singer, I would act as though I were, even if in reality my singing could break eardrums. I would sing my favourite songs without worrying about whether or not I was good, because I already know that I am great.

since the 4D directly causes change to the 3D, it is what we do and believe in imagination that will be reflected in reality. what we believe is what we get. if I were to be insecure and believe that I were a terrible singer, the 3D would show me that I was a terrible singer.

living in the 4D means we cannot focus on getting our desire in the 3D, as that would be pedestaling the 3D and grounding yourself in it. just like you cannot centre men in your life as a woman for the sake of your emotional health and self-esteem, you cannot centre the 3D for the sake of your manifestations.

on belief + believing even when you don't believe

this was a really difficult concept for me to grasp. how can I believe in something when I know it's not true? how can I fake a belief?

it's actually terribly easy to. the first step to believing when you don't believe is persistence.

have you ever had an ironic inside joke with your friends, or just did something ironically? I guarantee you, over time it became a natural part of your life, your vocabulary, your mannerisms. that's because your subconscious doesn't know when you're kidding. your subconscious is probably more autistic than you are, in that it will take what you say or do at face value and apply it to your personality. (really makes you think about how often self-deprecating jokes aligns with poor mental health, huh?)

that's why persistence is key. even if at first you don't believe, continue to enforce the idea that you do until it actually manifests within your mind.

decentring the 3D

I came up with this idea after hearing about the feminist concept of decentring men.

what is decentring men?

the concept of decentring men is to turn away from patriarchal and male-centric perspectives and beliefs, instead turning inward and focusing on your own wants, wishes, desires, and needs. instead of looking for validation through men or other social means, you simply validate yourself. where you may have valued the social norm or others, you instead place yourself at the centre of your own life.

how can we decentre the 3D?

just like the patriarchy has taught us to seek validation from external factors like men, the world has taught us to find validation in what is right in front of us — the 3D.

like decentring men, we must learn how to find satisfaction and validation in the 4D instead of seeking instant gratification from the 3D. there are many ways to do this, including;

understanding that you are in fact in your DR / already have your manifestations

it's agreed that time is not linear, it is simply that our brain processes it as such. even if you do not personally believe in shifting or the multiverse, it has been widely agreed that time moves in all directions, not just forward. by that reasoning, you already have your desire, and you're already in your desired reality, because events exist even when our brains have not yet processed them.

take the 3D as though it were someone doubting you

have you ever expressed a dream, desire, aspiration to someone, only to be told you could never do it or it's not possible? think of the 3D as being the same way. what do you do then?

prove them wrong. brush it off your shoulders. read my post about how to do this here.

Schrödinger's Cat — understanding that you are in your DR until you allow yourself to view otherwise

Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment that boils down to the fact that we cannot guarantee an outcome if we do not experience it, i.e. a quantum superposition, which is the principal that something can exist or be represented by multiple values (or outcomes).

the cat is both alive and dead on a quantum level, until we observe an outcome. a path has not yet been carved until we align ourselves to one. you may benefit from my post on the butterfly effect and how it validates shifting and infinite realities, which you can read here.

close your eyes. you are both in your desired reality and your original reality until you prove to yourself otherwise, as in, opening your eyes. at the same time, thanks to infinite realities, you are both in your desired reality, your original reality, and infinite more until you choose to become aware of one singular reality.

when you choose to shift, you are in your desired reality until you allow yourself to come back to your original reality, by quitting. lean into that knowledge — allow yourself to truly feel that when you visualize, affirm, or try to shift to your DR, you are genuinely there. find validation and satisfaction in that. allow yourself to say I shifted whenever you do those things.

as to how you can let yourself say you've shifted when in terms of the 3D, you haven't — that's what the next section is all about.

participating in the 3D

how can we live in the 4D, find satisfaction in the 4D, all without abandoning the 3D? how can we participate in the 3D without forsaking our manifestations?

have you ever been in a situation where you know something, but the other person doesn't know that you know it? let's say you want to hear this person's unfiltered perspective, without justifications or explanations, to see what they add or leave out. you may act shocked to find out information you already knew, angry on their behalf when you know it is them who is actually in the wrong, or confused when you actually aren't.

do exactly that with the 3D, treat it like you would a lying friend or boyfriend when you want to collect all information. you can still be honest about the events in the 3D and your experience with them while also not letting them influence your internal world and 4D.

you don't and shouldn't post success stories publicly if you haven't done them in the 3D, but you can absolutely allow yourself such within your own mind. keep 3D events in the 3D, and keep 4D events in the 4D.

in the 3D, I'm an awful singer and will admit so, but within the 4D and my own mind, I am brilliant and beautiful.

living in the 4D doesn't mean to lie, it just means to compartmentalize your actions in the 3D and the 4D into separate boxes. this includes allowing yourself to feel emotions like frustration, sadness, doubt. let yourself feel them, let them pass, and then realign with your manifestations.

treat the 3D as though it were friend group one, where you act one way, and treat the 4D as if it were friend group two, where you act a different way.

treat your 4D self as though it were the 3D's child, and your 3D self as though it were the 4D's parent. you wouldn't want your child to see you sad, angry, or scared. you wouldn't want your child to see you feeling like things were out of control or not guaranteed. you would instead excuse yourself to a private moment, feel everything you need to in your own presence, and then return to your child more assured. make your child feel as though its dreams are guaranteed and already there. preserve your child's joy, belief, and innocence. do all of that for the 4D.

that's all for now! I hope this helps you all as much as it has helped me

yoshi!!

[krispycreamcake]

For whom the church bell tolls

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Fandom: Diabolik lovers

Pairings: Yuma mukami x Shu Sakamaki (Yui's here too)

Tags: angst, enemies to lovers, childhood friends, slow burn, dialogue driven, mlm, love triangle, mentions of death, child abuse, blood, blood sucking, kinda kinky if you squint, biblical themes

Content summary: A cute little chat between repressed homosexuals

Also not proof read leave me alone

It was the middle of fall, the air was crisp, the sky dull with apprehensive winter gloom, leaves just beginning to fully finish their golden transformation, the smell of rain always being there. Parks now lay barren and empty as school children finally resume their classes after summer vacation, what was once an active town filled with the shrill voice of students, now lay disturbingly quiet with the deafening sounds of adults' judgemental glances and whispers.

The mansion at this time of year was more depressing than usual, ironically it was probably the most peaceful. Almost no one was ever home, Reiji would make sure of it that none of his brothers were to miss any of their classes, especially during such a slow time in the school year. Lots of students often wouldn't show up to school at all in favour of staying warm inside their homes. This was also flu season for Ryoutei Academy due to the harsh cold mixed with the close proximity of students. All one would hear in the hallway were marching footsteps and the occasional coughing of sickened students pushing themselves for that glint of validation for exceeding their parents' expectations and bringing honour to their family name.

Shu didn't mind attending his classes at these times due to the peaceful nature of an empty school. Of course that doesn't mean he was paying any attention in class or completing assignments. It was for this very reason that him and Reiji were arguing right now.

"You worthless slob. Tsk- I don't even know why father bothers sending you to such a well renowned academy. This is the 4th time this week a teacher has pulled me aside to say that you aren't doing anything in class, and one time you even walked out during a lecture!"

Reiji said as he propped up his glasses with his middle finger, slamming shut the book he was reading for dramatic effect.

"And yet I'm still the favourite. Why don't you just shut up and stop wasting your time."

Reiji felt his chest tighten as a slur of detestable words started to fly out his mouth in such a commotion that Shu had no time to process what he was even saying. He popped in his earphones and teleported to the graveyard.

The cold winds of the night howled and whipped through his hair, blocking his eyesight as he leaned against an unmarked grave. Red, yellow and orange leaves rustled under his weight as he crushed them to bits. Pale hands gripping what was left of the leaves, the bright and lively colours contrasting the surrounding area, and more importantly, his feelings.

He leaned his head back as he turned up the volume of his iPod. His breathing slow and concentrated, almost forceful. Usually, Reiji's words never bothered him, but he had just woken up from that dream again. Flames everywhere, the smell of smoke suffocating his lungs as he stood there helpless, unable to do anything but watch.

He felt tears spring up as he scrunched his face, delicate features writhing in agony. His index finger brushed up against his cheek, feeling the tears for what they were.

"Typical... How bothersome. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget. Even after hundreds of years, you still haunt me. Heh.. Was that your intention all this time? What a stalker..."

His body tensed as a wave of wind rushed past him. Face immediately turning into a scowl as the smell of decay hit him like a bus. His body rigid as he sat up.

"Show yourself."

Was all Shu said before a long pause of silence enveloped the cemetery. Before long, Shu heard a chuckle. The winds carried the sound so far away that he couldn't detect where it even came from.

'Thump'

An apple had fallen from a tree above Shu, hitting him directly on his head. He swiftly looked to the ground to observe the fruit before the same voice called out again.

"Ya know yer s'posed to look up not down right?"

Shu's head immediately spun around, eyes searching through the trees before almost immediately spotting the third nuisance of that dreaded household. Yuma Mukami. For such a hard worker, it seemed odd to see him sitting lazily on an apple tree branch, completely relaxed with such a smirk on his face.

"You did that on purpose."

Shu replied bluntly.

"Harsh winds."

Yuma retorted just as quick.

"Whatever. Just stay out of my way, you and your brothers are too much of a hassle to even have to go to school with."

Shu said as he put back in his earphones.

"Hmph, everything for you is a hassle. But what could you really expect from such a lazy asshole? I'm surprised you even made it all the way out here without falling asleep."

Yuma said, taking a bite out of the fruit.

"Heh- you're bold when you have nothing to be cocky about. Maybe you're into that sort of thing?"

Yuma raised his eyebrow at this before taking another bite, speaking with a mouthful of apple.

"What the hell are ya on about? You tryna insinuate somethin'?"

Shu smirked as he finally looked up at him.

"Well, you're here aren't you? You're a long way from home, so one can imagine the lengths you'd go just to see me."

Yuma snorted just before a piece of the apple almost got stuck in his windpipe, causing him to cough and sputter all over the place. Shu in the meantime, feeling pleased with how this interaction went, decided to step away from under the tree and take in his bewildered expression.

"Haa? Are ya right in the head or somethin'? I'd never go for such a slow guy like yourself!"

Yuma shouted from above.

Shu clicked his tongue before his face went cold suddenly.

"She's not here."

Yuma finally stopped munching on the apple before looking him directly in his eyes. Their gazes meeting in a silent battle for dominance.

"You knew?"

Now, it was Shu's turn to laugh.

"Wasn't it obvious from the start?"

Yuma flung his head back as he looked up at the leaves above him.

"I suppose."

Shu walked right up under him and put his hands into the pockets of his cardigan.

"Make no mistake, there's no way I'd let half breeds like you even think about getting your hands on my prey, let alone taking it."

Yuma didn't respond, too busy thinking about how he's going to tell his older brother that he failed his task.

"If that's all that you came here for, you can leave now."

Despite their almost friendly banter before, the air had now turned sour, the stench of pent up aggravation for one another permeating the atmosphere. They were just too different. So why was Shu disappointed?

Yuma finally jumped off from the branch he was perched up on, a heavy thud breaking the silence.

"Where is she?"

Yuma said, the apple in his hand now lay limp as he barely put in enough effort to hold it correctly, one twitch of a finger and the fruit would have fallen to the ground.

"Why would I care?"

Shu didn't even bother to turn around and face him, in turn he just stared blankly at the field of graves beyond him.

"Tch- you should."

Shu didn't miss a single beat before responding.

"I don't. I don't care whether she lives or dies, she's only prey. The only thing that's remarkable about her is the quality of her blood."

Yuma felt something rise within him, like a deep slated anger for something more than just this conversation.

"It's always you damn rich kids that never appreciate the good things in life. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. High quality prey and you can't even be bothered to know where it is! What a bunch of stuck up assholes, all of you Sakamakis."

Yuma snapped back at him, memories of constant injustice plaguing his mind, as he remembered how awfully he was treated as a kid.

Shu didn't respond and instead just began to leave the situation.

"Hey! I'm talkin to ya! Don't you know it's rude to walk away when yer conversatin' with someone!?Stop walking goddammit!"

Yuma shouted as he ran up and harshly tugged on his shoulder, forcing Shu to stop in his tracks.

It wasn't long before Shu quickly became agitated and immediately spun around to confront Yuma. He didn't say a word, instead just looking directly at him, his eyes scanning over his attacker's build.

"What a stuck up prick. I thought I told you stop where you were goin?"

Yuma spoke up, not feeling the slightest bit intimated by his stare.

"If you really want her, then you can go look yourself. She's in the church."

And with those words, Shu immediately teleported away.

Yuma was taken aback and just stood there.

"The fuck is that guy's problem?? Why'd he just...."

Before Yuma could say anymore, he followed Shu's advice and went to visit the church.

There she stood, about to get on her knees and devote herself to the eternal divine. No regret flushing her cheeks, no panicked heartbeats or irregular breaths. Her school uniform was still untainted as she clasped her hands together, fang marks being covered by the long sheet of fabric that made her sleeve, hiding her sin and tucking it away from the watchful eye of the holy one.

How ironic, because she knew more than anyone else, nothing could ever hide from him. Especially not one of his most prized possessions being devoured by Satan's seed. Maybe it was out of respect that she covered her flaws, to not spit in the face of God and dare threaten his unwavering love and mercy by showing just how bad of a job he was doing when it came to protecting his most devout follower.

Nonetheless, there she lay, hymns chanting over and over in her mind. However, all that did was get Yuma more riled up. He stalked over to her before quietly sneaking up right behind her. He forcefully grabbed a handful of hair and yanked it back as hard as he could, watching as her eyes shot open and immediately became teary.

"Y-yuma kun! What are you doing!? Please- stop!"

Was all the poor girl could muster due to her increasing pain. Despite everything, no matter what she went through, Yui never screamed harshly or made it known that she was in obvious pain, except for the polite indications she'd often spew out. Through it all, Yui remained ever gracious and gentle, despite people belittling her for her soft nature, she knew it was the right way to be. That's just the kind of person she was.

Yuma chuckled sadistically.

"Well sow, as sexy as you looked gettin' all on yer knees like that without anyone forcin' ya too.... The only man you should ever worship....is me."

Yui blinked in shock as Yuma raised her to her feet and spun her around, hand clenching her jaw in the way that couples would often do, thumb caressing her cheek as his pointer finger pressed into her mandible, squeezing her face together.

He studied her expression, taking in the perpetual fear she wafted off onto him. His sharpened gaze dug into her skin, forcing her eyes to back away and surrender.

"What? Can't stand a little staring contest?"

Yuma probably thought he was the funniest person in the room, but the truth was, no one was laughing.

His smile dropped as he scolded her for not humoring his little jokes. The brutality never ended between vampire and prey, no matter how small or stupid the situation might be. He grabbed her by her throat, calloused hands squeezing her esophagus, bruising her newly healed skin with marks of his own, these ones not being as easy to seal up. He watched mercilessly as she clawed at him, begging him, crying for him to stop. He watched. He looked. He stared. But never, did he see the painful situation in front of him.

Yui's eyes watered as she felt her chest tighten and her body feel light. Not here... Oh god not now. She tried as hard as she could to push him away, but instead let out pathetic gurgles that made her abuser laugh at her attempts to save herself.

"W-why..? Yu.... Ma kun..."

Her face turned blue, hoping that in her last moments conscious, she could get some answers. Nothing in her life made sense, so it was only reasonable for her to continuously question the unknown. The only thing they haven't done to her by this point was cut off her tongue to physically silence her, yet, she wouldn't put it above them.

Just before her vision became completely dark, she heard Yuma mutter a curse word before letting go of her. She lay limp on the floor after her body crashed with the cold marble.

"So you came."

Yuma said, almost under his breath like if he'd been anticipating this.

"How daft are you? Did you really think I wouldn't?"

Shu said, words like daggers as he made his way over to Yuma. The pale moonlight made him seem ethereal as he flew down from the edge of the church's ledge where paintings and candles were propped up on. His being floated towards Yuma, a magnificently made glass mural of Yeshua painted behind him. His body covering the holy lord every bit of the way, yet the angels and trumpets surrounded his heavenly figure, playing a mocking melody of worship still lay visible, celebrating their saviour.

His golden locks just barely covering the deep blue intensity of his orbs, skin unmarred by the battle of time, face as delicate as the last surviving rose of winter. Cold, beautiful, on the brink of death itself. Despite his calloused expression, Yuma couldn't help but feel warm just looking at this falsely angelic creature slowly descending towards him. Eyes widened with curiousity like a child discovering something new that it still cannot yet comprehend. That feeling of the ever approaching dread of the unknown, mixed with the fascination all humans are born with.

Unknowingly, he stepped over Yui's cold unmoving body to get closer to Shu as he finally made his way down.

"Took ya long enough."

Yuma said, throat unbearably dry.

"Why were you trying to kill her?"

Silence enveloped the both.

"I wasn't-"

Shu's gaze hardened as he cut off Yuma.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear any of your lies. Stop wasting my time and tell me why."

Yuma put his hand in his pocket casually, obviously not caring about how upset Shu had gotten.

"She's not just your prey. I can do whatever the fuck I please with her."

Shu grinded his teeth but tried his best to keep his nonchalant demeanor.

"Thought ya didn't care whether she lives or dies?"

In a second, Shu's eyes immediately widened. A smile of disbelief almost gracing his face.

"So that's why...."

Yuma looked surprised and confused.

"The hell are ya talkin bout now? That's why what?"

Yuma said defensively, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Heh... Pfft... Ha.. Hah... Hahaha- HAHAHAHA"

Yuma's brows furrowed together.

"The fuck is wrong with ya!? Yer startin to creep me out!"

Shu continued to laugh, eventually holding his stomach to contain himself as Yuma looked on in horror.

"You- me- did you.....really think?"

Yuma's stomach turned at this.

"Did I think what!? Spit it out asshole! Stop bein' so cryptic."

Shu couldn't gather himself as he continued laughing, eventually tears began streaming out as he almost fell back, a hand covering half his face in an attempt to hold himself together.

"H-hey... What's with this whole act you're puttin on? It's.....Are you ok? You're...."

Yuma tried salvaging what was left of Shu's sanity but quickly proved futile.

"You- you remind me so much of... Him. It's uncanny! Everywhere I go, he's there. If I'm awake or I'm asleep, he's there. Around every corner, waiting for me, reminding me of the failure that I am! I couldn't- I couldn't even.... Save him."

Eventually the laughter stopped, and all that was left was a heartbroken man trying to stand on his own, but failing miserably as he kept stumbling back. The tears kept coming as both his hands were now desperately and frantically trying to glue back together the bits of his mind as he began to tighten his hold on himself.

Yuma stared at the mess of a man in front of him. He understood none of his ramblings but was determined to figure out what was going on.

"Who do I remind you of? Who are you talking about...?"

Shu stayed quiet for a long time before slowly looking up at him.

"It.... Doesn't matter. He's dead now. He's dead and it's my fault...."

Yuma stepped closer as he cautiously reached out his hand, eventually shaking Shu out of his trance. Just as he did, he watched in horror as the blond's eyes grew dull and dead.

"Look dude, I dunno whatever issues ya got goin' on inside yer head, but you gotta pull yourself together. We all got demons, that's no doubt. Every one of us, even sow over there. But what I'm tryna say is, ya gotta let the past be the past."

Shu looked at Yuma in disbelief. How'd he ever get to the point where he'd be comforted by a half breed?

"D'ya really think whoever it is yer sniveling about would like to see how pathetic you look right now? I'm sure he'd have wanted you to continue living life to the best of yer ability, without regrets! And don't get it wrong- I'm not tellin you this because I care about you or anythin', I enjoy the chase. Ever since I became a vampire, having to track down my prey and forcefully take it from you assholes has been a delight. It sparks somethin' in me."

Yuma paused before slapping the both sides of Shu's shoulders like if he just gave him a pep talk for an upcoming football game. His eyes sparkled and his smile widened.

"So.... Don't let me down kay? Otherwise it's no fun for me at all, so stop yer whinin'!"

Shu calmed down a bit, but the poison still lingered. He began to take deep breaths through his mouth, not having a beating heart meant that trying to calm yourself like this was futile in every way, but he decided to count his breaths. Each number, a step away from the edge.

"I can't even remember what he smells like..... So even if there was somehow a slim chance he was standing right in front me, I wouldn't know."

Shu said quietly. It seemed as if in this very rare moment, he was finally speaking the honest thoughts that came to mind, instead of just bottling it up like usual.

"Ya gotta stop thinkin' so much. The past is the past for a reason, it's not healthy to keep it draggin' behind ya every minute of yer life. You're not even human... So you'd be regrettin' this forever."

Yuma said, a pang of sympathy and understanding hitting him like a bus.

"Look... Ya think we wanted to become monsters? We had no other choice. It was an opportunity to have a restart at everything that ever went wrong.... And a lot went wrong. It's not easy for me to live while the others I cared about just dropped like flies. Course I got my brothers, and I'm thankful for that, but knowing that I'll outlive my own timeline is unthinkable.... I shouldn't even be alive right now, but I am."

Shu stayed quiet this time, mind blank as he begrudgingly listened.

"None of us had a great childhood, hell even a good one! Ya probably don't know this, and that's cause you shouldn't, so don't go blabberin yer mouth bout it! But...."

Yuma paused, apprehension thick in the air. It was almost suffocating.

"The world is a cruel place, humans are cruel. We were barely even teenagers when that guy came to us."

Shu was slightly taken aback, but refused to let it show. Still, that's how long that their precious father have been in contact with these people?

"What I'm gettin' at is, the world's unfair. But if you can bend it to your will, you can have anything nd anyone. But.... I'm not that sorta person, you are. So don't let anyone steal yer throne, or else I'll miss that look of jealousy on your face whenever I'm drinkin from yer sow over there."

Yuma chuckled at this, remembering just how fun it was to tease him. Shu on the other hand immediately became irritated once again and slapped his hands away.

"It's not jealous."

Yuma's eyes widened as he stroked his chin.

"Haa? Never would've taken ya to be the tsundere type.... Were my words so inspiring, you're finally revealing your true colours perhaps?"

Shu scoffed at this before walking towards Yui. But not before bumping his shoulder against Yuma's chest forcing him out the way.

"Oi! What was that about! Hey! I'm talkin to ya!"

Yuma said, extremely offended. Shu continued to walk over and picked up Yui's body. Her neck stained with the marks of her perpetrator. Shu scoffed once more before scanning her entire body.

"Relax I didn't kill her-"

Shu once again cut him off.

"You didn't bite her either."

Yuma casually walked towards the both of them.

"Eh? Oh, I wasn't in the mood. She was all on her knees prayin' and it gave me the heebie geebies."

Shu picked her up bridal style, the slow sounds of her breath the only noise in the entire building.

"Well I am. And she's unconscious so it's no fun. Do you finally see for yourself how much of a nuisance you Mukamis are?"

Now, it was Yuma's turn to scoff.

"You knew where she was all this time, why didn't you just take her?"

Shu walked closer to Yuma, Yui still limp in his arms. He gave a sadistic smirk.

"Because how else would you fulfill your plan?"

Yuma rolled his eyes and shouted out again.

"What the hell is with you and these coded messages!? What plan!?"

Shu dropped Yui harshly at his feet, her body rolling over to Yuma, uniform coming slightly undone as teeth marks that were previously hidden, now shone visibly on her thigh.

"Shit..."

Shu chuckled before looking directly at Yuma.

"Why'd you bite her exactly over my fang marks and not even bother to heal it properly?"

Yuma crossed his arms and pouted his lips.

"To claim dominance obviously!"

Shu stretched out his hand. Grasping a small strand of Yuma's hair, gently tugging on it until he reached the end of the strand.

"The fuck ya think yer doin' all of a sudden!?"

Shu's smile dropped as his voice rung deep within the church walls.

"You're more of a pervert than I thought. I'm just testing to see how far you'll go before I break you."

Yuma's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he stumbled backwards.

"A-are ya out of yer mind!? The hell's gotten into ya!?"

Shu grabbed his arm, forcing him to come back right in the very spot he left.

"I'm not as slow as you think I am. Don't deny it. All this time... You just wanted to get me alone by using my own prey as bait to lure me."

Yuma's expression only got worse as he struggled to make words connect, stumbling across his pronunciations instead, stuttering with every sentence.

"I-it's not like that! Bes-sides I'm not! I- I don't! I'm not into guys!"

Shu looked at him with a toothy grin before responding.

"What a lie."

In seconds, Shu's fangs were on him. His mouth coming in contact with his throat, almost as if trying to kill him. Teeth piercing into flesh that had never felt fangs before, skin writhing underneath as cold unsavory crimson flowed out. Yuma stood there paralyzed, eyes wide as he looked up towards the ceiling. Pain overtook his senses, but was immediately replaced with something more.

"Kuh- ya don't just.... Do that to people."

Was all he could mutter out. Of course, Shu didn't care. But, he did rip out his fangs from the wounded flesh to get a better look at his expression.

"Heh... You don't need to be into guys to enjoy pleasure when it's given to you. But by the look on your face, you already know this, right?"

Yuma looked at Shu, then slowly towards Yui.

"Course I know that.... I'm not some weak minded virgin like sow. But even so...."

Yuma immediately cut himself off as he watched the blood dribble down Shu's mouth. Not just any blood, but his blood. That's when it hit him.

"I'm... Bleeding. I can smell it."

Shu walked towards him, this time he was the one stepping over Yui.

"I know you like her."

Yuma was taken aback but decided to stand his ground.

"What's it to ya if I do? It ain't none of yer damn business!"

Shu looked to the floor. Silence once again.

"You mean that, don't you?"

Yuma hesitated before following his gaze to the floor.

"Course. She's.... Different."

Shu made a 'tsk' sound before angrily approaching Yuma, this time, getting so close that Yuma needed to back away.

"H-hey don't go gettin' mad at me! Seconds ago you were just at my throat!"

Shu scoffed before raising his head up, not even bothering to meet Yuma's gaze.

"I was just curious. Don't think too much about it, because there's nothing to think about."

Yuma felt his hands go clammy at his words.

"Wh-what.."

Before he could even fully process what Shu had meant, he was gone. Yui was gone as well, to no surprise of anyone. But still...

"Geez, what a weird guy..."

Author's note: heyyyyy guys guess who's back😍 sorry I abandoned you but hopefully you'll accept this as my formal apology. I love every one of you and I wanna say thanks for sticking with me even when I'm not my best, I really do appreciate the community we've built on this platform.❤❤

[weministertomonsters]

The Alien Emissary - 2

➤ Wordcount - 1.2k

You wake up startled because you fall out your bed. Well, not your bed. This isn't The Collective's mothership. You're in a cramped space, lying on a cramped cot. You recognize the interior to be the inside of the Vathri shuttle.

Right, I passed out.

You sit up slowly, rubbing your temple in an attempt to get the room to stop spinning. Your hand brushes against electric cuffs hanging loose on the wall. That must have been the restraints used on the Vathri you saved. You lift one and grimace at the thin metal prong on the cuff. For electricity to be effective on a Vathri it has to get to their skin, which is under a protective layer of armor-like scales. The prongs are designed to be forced underneath. You've always wondered if it feels like getting needles shoved under your nails, in which case it would hurt badly. When you stand up, you bump your head on the ceiling. Frowning you rub your sore head.

"This room is practically pocket-sized," you mutter. "How'd they even stuff him down here?"

"You are awake." The Vathri's voice floats into the room through the open hatch. "Come up, we are reaching our destination."

You climb up into the cockpit. The Vathri is seated at the controls, looking far more familiar with it than you did.

"How long was I out?" You ask, folding your arms and watching him work.

"A quarter of an hour. Not long." His voice still has that mysterious buzz in it. Rather than being eerie, you find it sort of soothing.

"Is that normal? It was like I was on a bad trip."

"I have never seen a human use the cloaking, but I am not surprised. Even Vathri young find it difficult on their first try."

You step closer and surreptitiously look him over. Thanks to their biological armor, the Vathri appear fully covered and often go around wearing loose pants and some jewelry, and not much else. He doesn't have either. When your gaze dips between his thick, muscular thighs, he snorts.

"Looking for the princess destroyer, I assume?"

The startled sound you make is hardly elegant before you burst out laughing.

"The what now?" You snicker. "I had no idea your kind could be funny."

"This is all a bid to lure you in," he replies, busy fiddling with the controls.

"I was just curious. Sorry." You clear your throat. "Have you… Heard about me?"

"You are certainly a blip on the gossip radar."

"Shit. Attracting attention is a surefire way to get killed," you grumble.

"Perhaps you should not have slept with the Emissary of Luscen then?"

You scoff. "The rumors are exaggerated. We didn't get that far. We got caught, as apparently, all of the galaxy knows. It was my first time in space and I was excited and optimistic and horny about everything."

The shuttle's engine grumbles and the Vathri croons to it. While his native tongue sounds harsh to your ears, you can pick out the intention behind it.

Come on, just a little further. You can do it, you little hunk of metal, you think.

"Csami? What does that mean?" You ask, picking out one distinctive word.

"Lady."

"Cute." You grab a hold of the armrest of the pilot's seat as the engine begins to stall.

Not a big issue. You can see the planet you're heading for up ahead and you're pretty sure you're going to make it, even if the landing is rough.

"That is the shuttle's name. Csami-kïy."

"Lady-8," you muse.

"You are taking Vathri lessons?"

"Yes, I love learning languages. Luscen was pretty easy and I'd say I'm conversational with it now. Vathri has some sounds I don't think I can produce, though, so my speaking probably won't ever be good."

"Tell me, are you not even a little afraid of me?" He suddenly asks, turning eyes that burn like small orange suns in your direction.

"Of what you are? No. That's what made me a good fit as an Emissary. I'm more curious than anything. As for your jailbreak, I feel like we're in this together. For now, anyway. Besides, I tend to trust my gut."

"And what is it telling you?"

"That we're cool. You might be trouble, but not for me."

The Vathri makes a noncommittal sound. "I see."

You look down at his wrists, searching for the abrasion from the handcuffs. It's right there. The smaller delicate scales on his wrist aren't sitting quite right, having been rudely shoved aside by the prongs on the cuffs. He doesn't turn away from what he's doing but he can tell you're looking because he angles the injury away from you.

"Does it hurt?"

"It's unpleasant. You might want to sit down," the Vathri says.

But there's only one seat, and in the sleek design of the interior, there's nothing much to hold on to. As he starts to nose the shuttle down, you grab a hold of his shoulder to anchor yourself and the warmth of his scales seeps into your fingertips. Brazen, maybe, but you like being in one piece. When you nearly fly off balance, he takes one hand off the controls for a second to perch you on the arm of the chair.

"Lean into me," he says. "The landing might be rough."

You do. The shuttle shakes so violently that you're surprised nothing falls off as you land in a puff of dust. Once the shuttle comes to a screeching halt you lift your head and unclench your jaw. There's an arm looped around your side and holding you in place, except both his arms are in front, so that's not possible. You look down to see that it's his tail. The tip of it ends in a stinger that looks like a cross between a blade and a barbed arrow. It looks deadly and your little animal brain immediately wants to touch it.

"Can that kill me?"

He pulls his tails away and it flicks lightly against his calf. "Not unless I intend so. Poison is manually generated, much like spitting on someone."

You file that information away for later. He unclips the seatbelt and stands. When he reaches for something over your head, you flinch a little. He looks down at you, his hand still raised over your head.

"I'm not afraid," you say quickly.

His mandibles twitch. Vathri faces don't really make expressions, but you can practically feel his amusement.

"Humans are easy to read," He replies.

And what's that supposed to mean? You think, but he's already ducking out of the exit hatch.

You realize he's bigger than the Vathri who first exited the shuttle. None of them had to duck. You're busy wondering if they were all small and he's just big when you walk right into his back.

"Oh, sorry-"

He's frozen, his tail flicking in an uneasy way that immediately affects you too. If something larger than you is scared, you're dead meat.

"What's wrong?" You peer around him to see a huge angry-looking alien storming down the landing towards you.

"Another of your enemies? You killed his family or something?" You squeak.

"I fucked his boyfriend."

"What!"

"Get back inside," the Vathri says without turning to you. "I am about to take a beating."

You don't need to be told twice.

──────────────────

If you're wondering why I'm posting much slower right now it's because I've been busy on Patreon. You can read free stories on there that I haven't posted anywhere else, like Contents Under Pressure, Soft Heart, Bad Things and Vile And Vulgar (my favorite).

[rei-ismyname]

I definitely agree. It would be difficult for there not to be. He's certainly viewed as a faction leader by most of the outside world post-Morrison, but I think he's viewed like that internally as well. Most of the characters who choose to be X-Men buy into his dream and his methods, often more than I'd expect them to. I feel like a common enough thought process is conflating the dream, Xavier, and the X-Men so the entire institution can be seen as an extension of the man.

Agreed, at least not with any kind of regularity. Although, when he does give orders pre-~1988, he expects them to be followed 'without hesitation.' He also overrules Scott in the field whenever he wishes. He had this position of general and teacher and I think that kind of dynamic doesn't go away organically, especially considering the occasions where he's in the field and taken command (Secret Wars I comes to mind.) Or, as you point out, trying to give Wolverine demerits and belittling Scott.

He has been generous with his resources, though the flipside of that is everyone is fighting his war using his methods. People died and lost loved ones, received unimaginable stress and trauma, and aside from saving the world etc you could say their primary mission is a bust. He chose who he wanted, and yes many are grateful for the help received, but I doubt any of them suspected they were being drafted into a forever war.

I definitely agree that Xavier delegates the risk from his position of relative comfort and privilege. Not just harm from combatants either but the ability to pass in society. He fought in Korea, and unless he was using his powers 24/7 (possible) he absolutely killed people, or at minimum saw combat. He's not a combat guy except when he is. He certainly expects his X-Men to be.

The thing about him going public as a mutant in New X-Men is that it wasn't even him that chose to do it. Cassandra Nova did it to harm and discredit him. We'll never know, but who knows how long he would have kept up the facade. It does say a lot that him doing that or leaving for the Shi'Ar empire (again) wasn't strongly questioned by the X-Men. They discussed it but accepted it.

Also, I feel very confident saying that he was not an effective activist while posing as human. If you look at situations like the Kelly hearings or the Stryker debate he's incredibly passive and fails to reach people. The person on the street is shown dismissing him as an out of touch egghead, lol.

Yeah I really liked that Hank data page/letter from Hellions. That the people he's comparing are Xavier and Sinister means nothing, I'm sure :). Hank is spot on there, and it makes me think he perhaps gets more loyalty than he's owed? That's a personal thing though of course, and you're right that different X-Men might have a different idea of who their leader is.

He's an absolute disrespectful clown to Storm at times, often for ego reasons. I feel confident saying that, and I'm surprised she stuck around considering his imperiousness and unwillingness to even entertain he might be wrong.

Yeah, the implication is that people agree with Scott there. Xavier's transgressions are fucking severe. Still, he found his way back each time.

Agreed! He was specifically not in Age of X-Man. Not sure where he was but definitely not there. I think it's a jarring shift too, but I think that was always going to be the case. Rosenberg was writing end of days shit without knowing what was coming. Feels like editorial dropped the ball tbh.

I mean, he was responsible for other deaths. But I don't think that's what anyone is mad at him about. It feels more personal. His secrets and manipulation, again.

I'd like the same outcome tbh. If nothing else I'd like to him to earn his position/trust back, through addressing the harm he caused and becoming a better person. 'I hoped you'd understand' isn't good enough, it's the same old shit. Same abuses of power. I could see Kitty and maybe Emma being holdouts too. Logan is hard to gauge. He did try to kill him not long ago, but he usually thinks the world of him.

Why is Charles constantly held up as this leader for mutants when there are many other mutants who would be a way better leader than him and he at times is not very good at it.

I don't know if I'd agree with the word "constantly", since I do think that Xavier's reception both in universe and out tends to fluctuate.

Xavier, at his best, is a man of high ideals, who took in five kids with the intention of giving them a safe place to learn how to use their powers.

It's a genre convention for kid/young adult stories, for the parents and mentors to be, at best, uninvolved and clueless. Because that's how the kids go off and have adventures to begin with. Spider-Man for example gets away with superheroing because Aunt May doesn't know what he's doing. And Uncle Ben is dead.

Xavier takes the genre convention a bit farther though, because rather than being completely clueless, he's the one who actually sends them into battle. And well, when you start to look at it from an adult perspective, you quickly go "wait, what the fuck?!"

It probably didn't help that Lee and Kirby were pretty fond of stories where Xavier would fake impairment and depowerment, or just go off and do his own thing, so that the kids could take charge and act on their own. Or the way he was actively involved in lying to Warren or Jean's parents about what their kids were up to. He starts looking a bit manipulative at best.

So we have a guy with two warring sides at work: the visionary benefactor vs. the manipulative plotter.

And well, X-Men is a franchise that's been ongoing for sixty years, so we have multiple generations who go from kids having fun to adults boggling at the characters' decisions, and I think that tends to get reflected in which traits get the most focus when.

It's probably fair to note that from about the early 2000s onward, Xavier really wasn't involved in a leadership position at all until Krakoa. He got kicked out twice for bad decisions, was hovering around in advisory capacity, and died twice to boot. The second, biggest time ushering in the post Avengers vs. X-Men period, which I think was great for really shaking up the universe.

It also though introduced a lot of really bizarre (Watsonian) veneration for the dude. Maybe it makes some sense, Scott Summers, a character who'd been recognized as a paragon by even his enemies, has proven himself flawed in his own right, so maybe that inspires people to look back at the previous guy more fondly?

(Or we could go with my theory, that Scott-as-Phoenix accidently mind-whammied everyone to love Xavier and hate Scott as much as Scott himself did at that moment.)

But then there's Krakoa, which was a pretty grand, pretty new experiment. And while I may gripe about certain aspects of the storyline, I can't deny that it was definitely a big, earth shattering concept change.

It also wouldn't have worked with anyone but Xavier at the head. Even though Rosenberg's X-Men arc had ended with Scott and Jean reunited, and positioned to lead what was left of mutantkind together, they're not really nation builder types. (Scott had Utopia, but that was less a nation than a garrison, IMO.)

For Krakoa to work, it needed nation builders. Xavier has the influence over mutant kind, and has the characterization of a benefactor. Which very much fits with Krakoa's modus operandus: giving humanity things for recognizing mutant kind, and scheming and manipulating when they don't.

And it makes sense, I think, that he was successful. Not only does he have the benefit of the absence makes the heart grow fonder veneration from his death. But he's offering mutants something tangible and amazing: safety, a home, freedom from death and persecution, a lot of their lost loved ones back.

That's a big deal. It's just unfortunately, Xavier has that other side of him too, and his blind spots and worse impulses play a big part in why Krakoa ends up falling.

(Though, to give him something: there IS a version of Krakoa still out there, in the White Room, where a nation of mutant kind has grown and developed beyond Xavier and the Council's flaws. But it's notable that they did this without him. It always seems to work like that.)

[delta-piscium]

Trying? Trying??? By learning. By succeeding!

(about this and my text under the cut)

this is very nice actually thank you so much <3 <3 and like, i probably do need to give myself more credit in general but also i am still very much learning and stumbling and figuring digital art out (and for the most part it is so fun)

I’m gonna ramble about this a bit so bear with me and also i apologize lol, but that art was done after a month of getting increasingly more frustrated with everything turning out so badly and eventually realizing that I was trying to 1. copy a certain look/style that i’ve internalized is what fanart and digital art should look like and is very far away from my style/comfort zone 2. i was trying to do everything digital allows without being comfortable with it or understanding it

so (and this took me a month to realize ? ??) i did what i already knew from doing acrylic and oil painting in the past and could somewhat easily transfer to digital without having to know more than the basics, like i didn’t use a lot of the things digital provides or allows for. i used layers for my own peace of mind but without actually needing them and did some color adjusting (honestly, the color adjusting digital lets you do is such a blessing to me) but the only fancy way i really utilized the medium was making it a gif (which is so fun and a lot easier than i would have thought, like honestly watch me make any future art into gifs too) but there are so many things you can do with the medium with settings/effects, different brushes, tools to use in the process etc that i just do not understand what they are or how to implement them so i am very slowly learning digital art as a whole new medium rather than just being able to use it to adapt what i already know

[airenyah]

maybe i'm about to have a change of plans. maybe i won't be making my mother watch last twilight and only friends this semester break, maybe instead i'll go for a star in my mind rewatch and will also sit her down in front of mafia the series

[medicinemane]

Ok, minecraft complaint time

They need a way to slime proof a slime chunk

Slime spawning is a really nice mechanic if you're trying to make a farm, but I've walked into a couple of the rooms I've done only to find slime

It's well lit (which I know slime don't care about), it's... you know... it's mob proofed to normal standards. There shouldn't be random chunks that look identical to other chunks that just play by different rules

Great for farming, annoying for everything else

(Also would be nice if you could stop villagers from spawning golems. Basically anything where you can just manipulate bits of the environment, cause at the end of the day minecraft is basically an interactive diorama a lot of the time, you know?)

Anyway, it'll probably just be a matter of that sometimes you come into the map room and have to fight a giant slime, and since everything's eventually probably gonna be pretty well lit it'll probably be a frequent thing but... not much else to be done

It's something that you can live with, it's just kind of dumb and annoying is all

I like slime chunks, I just wish there was a way to disable spawning within them when you didn't want it

[emometalhead]

.

[paragonrobits]

some important calvin and hobbes facts in case you haven't read the original comic strip in a long time or only absorbed stuff on it from memes and out of context bits on here:

Calvin's last name has never been given, and neither has any of his parent's names. This was actually why his uncle Max only showed up for a brief storyline; the creator of the comic, Bill Watterson, ultimately felt that while it was fine to have him as someone for his parents to talk to, it felt far too awkward to never have Max refer to them by name and he never made a return appearance.

The general tone of the comic is fairly light-hearted, with a big emphasis on goofy slapstick comedy contrasted by clever wordplay and often surprising adult-centered jokes that'll hit you like a slap. A big part of the comedy is, as Watterson put it (paraphrased) "It's really funny to me when people express deeply stupid ideas with really fancy terminology." One notable example you might have seen is that one bit where Calvin asks his mom for money to buy a Satan-worshiping rock album and his mom replies that there's nothing genuine about them and they're just putting on the attitude for shock value, and comisserates with Calvin as he deplores that mainstream nihilism can't be trusted. He concludes that childhood is disillusioning.

There is a LOT of criticism of the extreme materialism and selfish mentality of the late 80s, when the comic was initially written. This may go a long way to explain how its aged so well; much of what it criticizes resonates well with people today.

Bill Watterson views comic strips a legitimate form of artwork, and repeatedly fought to have more space to draw more beautiful and artistic backgrounds, which was a very hard fight and unpopular even with other comic strip artists. He eventually did win some compromises and a lot of Calvin And Hobbes' artwork shows it, with the use of space to indicate time as well as a sharp contrast between the often plain environments of mundane life contrasted by the wildly beautiful imagery of Calvin's imagination (which often sports realistic depictions in an art shift of sorts).

Hobbes is explicitly not an imaginary friend, by word of Watterson himself. We don't know WHAT he is exactly, and Hobbes is apparently unaware of the strange nature of his reality; people look at him and only see an ordinary stuffed tiger plushie, but he has a tangible effect on the world that would be physically impossible for Calvin to do on his own. He's apparently been around for a while, and was apparently around when Calvin was a young baby.

On that note; Hobbes has implicitly killed (notably treated as both a gag and also with the vibe of 'he's a tiger, duh') and while he doesn't do it again on-screen, he doesn't have any moral issues about it. Calvin claims that he's never had trouble bringing Hobbes to school because the last time he did, Hobbes killed and ate a bully named Tommy Chestnut and simply comments that it was gross and he needed a bath. Calvin's tried to repeat this again, but Hobbes was grossed out at the thought having to eat a kid raw and not being allowed to use an oven first, or complaining that children are too fattening.

Hobbes became gradually less human-like in body language and more like an actual cat in both body language and behavior; this was due to Watterson drawing more inspiration from his cat, who also inspired a lot of Hobbes' running gags, such as pouncing on Calvin when he got home. Several years into the syndication of the strip, Watterson's cat passed away, and he did a tribute to her with a comic strip of the two of them agreeing to try to dream together so they can keep playing when they have to sleep; Watterson's commentary (if I recall right), remarks on his cat: "We can see each other again in dreams."

[cocklessboy]

The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.

And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).

His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"

And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.

The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.

I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."

I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.

So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.

My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.

My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.

Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.

[falesten-iw]

Warning: Long Post No one reads long texts anymore, but despite everything I've been through with my country, my family, and recently my son, I need to get this off my chest. It's completely unbelievable to me that so many people still don't understand the background of the genocide in Palestine. What kind of journalists or influencers do we have today? Are they too afraid to report and remind their audiences about the real story behind what's happening now? No, it's not just one year of suffering! It's outrageous how the media consistently ignores what Palestinians have been enduring for decades. Have they, or you, even bothered to look at the statistics of how many Palestinians have been killed by Israel since 1948? How many children have been killed? Who holds the responsibility for what's happening now? I often wonder: what if the situation Palestinians face was applied somewhere else? For example, what if, after World War II, the West had decided that all Jews should have a state in the USA—let’s say Chicago—how would the people of Chicago have reacted? Imagine the people there being driven off the land their families had worked for generations, stripped of their rights, and harassed or persecuted if they resisted. Do international laws simply not apply when ### is involved? Do you know that people in Gaza are killed simply for fun? Yes, for fun! Israeli soldiers have been known to shoot women, children, and even animals on the spot, then walk away. Did you feel the wind when those shots were fired? Or was it too far away for you? Do you understand what death means? Good. Do you know why there are so many Palestinians living in different countries, or maybe even right next door to you, even though they smell like hummus, garlic, za'atar, and other traditional foods? Do you know why your neighbors are Palestinian and not Israeli? It's because we've been forced to flee since 1948. Our cities were erased then, and more are still being erased—through violence, through apartheid laws, through genocide, through different methods. Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian, wrote a book about hundreds of Palestinian cities that were erased to create the Israel you know today. This isn't a war that started a few days ago or even a year ago—this has been going on since at least 1948. More than 45,000 have been killed in Gaza just in the past year alone. 17 000 of them are children, and 13 000 are women. Do you even know what that means? How it feels to lose your children or part of your family? Are you going to tell us how it feels? Do you have no empathy? Is your heart so closed that you can't see the pain around you? Are you really so blind to the suffering of others? How can you ignore these realities? Do you know that the Israeli military has cut off all electricity and completely halted the import of food, water, fuel, and other necessities? There are no hospitals and no medicines left, and 85% of people in Gaza are living in makeshift tents. Yes, tents—but not like the ones you see in movies. These are handmade from plastic scraps. Do you know that my family is suffering from all of this, and I will lose them in this cold weather if you don't act now? Please help us and donate now!

Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.

Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link

Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link

Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link

Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link

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[kira-akira]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

[physalian]

How to make your writing sound less stiff

Just a few suggestions. You shouldn’t have to compromise your writing style and voice with any of these, and some situations and scenes might demand some stiff or jerky writing to better convey emotion and immersion. I am not the first to come up with these, just circulating them again.

1. Vary sentence structure.

This is an example paragraph. You might see this generated from AI. I can’t help but read this in a robotic voice. It’s very flat and undynamic. No matter what the words are, it will be boring. It’s boring because you don’t think in stiff sentences. Comedians don’t tell jokes in stiff sentences. We don’t tell campfire stories in stiff sentences. These often lack flow between points, too.

So funnily enough, I had to sit through 87k words of a “romance” written just like this. It was stiff, janky, and very unpoetic. Which is fine, the author didn’t tell me it was erotica. It just felt like an old lady narrator, like Old Rose from Titanic telling the audience decades after the fact instead of living it right in the moment. It was in first person pov, too, which just made it worse. To be able to write something so explicit and yet so un-titillating was a talent. Like, beginner fanfic smut writers at least do it with enthusiasm.

2. Vary dialogue tag placement

You got three options, pre-, mid-, and post-tags.

Leader said, “this is a pre-dialogue tag.”

“This,” Lancer said, “is a mid-dialogue tag.”

“This is a post-dialogue tag,” Heart said.

Pre and Post have about the same effect but mid-tags do a lot of heavy lifting.

They help break up long paragraphs of dialogue that are jank to look at

They give you pauses for ~dramatic effect~

They prompt you to provide some other action, introspection, or scene descriptor with the tag. *don't forget that if you're continuing the sentence as if the tag wasn't there, not to capitalize the first word after the tag. Capitalize if the tag breaks up two complete sentences, not if it interrupts a single sentence.

It also looks better along the lefthand margin when you don’t start every paragraph with either the same character name, the same pronouns, or the same “ as it reads more natural and organic.

3. When the scene demands, get dynamic

General rule of thumb is that action scenes demand quick exchanges, short paragraphs, and very lean descriptors. Action scenes are where you put your juicy verbs to use and cut as many adverbs as you can. But regardless of if you’re in first person, second person, or third person limited, you can let the mood of the narrator bleed out into their narration.

Like, in horror, you can use a lot of onomatopoeia.

Drip Drip Drip

Or let the narration become jerky and unfocused and less strict in punctuation and maybe even a couple run-on sentences as your character struggles to think or catch their breath and is getting very overwhelmed.

You can toss out some grammar rules, too and get more poetic.

Warm breath tickles the back of her neck. It rattles, a quiet, soggy, rasp. She shivers. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. Sweat beads at her temple. Her heart thunders in her chest. Ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba- It moves on, leaving a void of cold behind. She uncurls her fists, fingers achy and palms stinging from her nails. It’s gone.

4. Remember to balance dialogue, monologue, introspection, action, and descriptors.

The amount of times I have been faced with giant blocks of dialogue with zero tags, zero emotions, just speech on a page like they’re notecards to be read on a stage is higher than I expected. Don’t forget that though you may know exactly how your dialogue sounds in your head, your readers don’t. They need dialogue tags to pick up on things like tone, specifically for sarcasm and sincerity, whether a character is joking or hurt or happy.

If you’ve written a block of text (usually exposition or backstory stuff) that’s longer than 50 words, figure out a way to trim it. No matter what, break it up into multiple sections and fill in those breaks with important narrative that reflects the narrator’s feelings on what they’re saying and whoever they’re speaking to’s reaction to the words being said. Otherwise it’s meaningless.

—

Hope this helps anyone struggling! Now get writing.

[infiniteglitterfall]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)