#i don’t want to gooooooooo

[starbuck]

can’t wait for them to murder each other :))

[bbq-potato-chip]

I miss making comics….

[stunie]

PLEASS PLEASS PLEASEEE UME’S PART I RAN OUT OF TAGS BUT UMe’S part!!! THE DIALOGUS THE SIZE KINK ??? I’M GOING INSANS

hitting it raw!

— letting wind breaker boys hit it raw for the first time (wc: 4.3k)

sakura haruka, suo hayato, togame jo, kaji ren, umemiya hajime (separate) x fem reader

contains explicit nsfw content, minors do not interact

tw: creampie, hair pulling, overstimulation, squirting, pet names (baby, sweetheart, pretty girl, good girl, angel), dacryphillia, toys (vibrator), light choking, semi-public sex (restaurant bathroom), unprotected sex, size difference, belly bulge, mentions of birth control pills

sakura haruka (wc: 0.8k)

⸻ oral (m receiving), hair pulling, unprotected sex

“don’t-” sakura grunted, hips jolting up as you took him deeper into your mouth. he reached down blindly, hands finding your hair and tugging hard in an attempt to pull you off him.

you moaned at the feeling instead, the vibrations causing him to jerk up into you again. one hand came up to squeeze his balls as you eased the rest of his cock down your throat, stopping only when your nose was nestled in the hair at the base of his length. he opened his eyes to the sight of you blinking up at him prettily, and the image alone had him coming undone.

his breath hitched, groans echoing from above you. he threw his head back and brought an arm up to cover his eyes as thick ropes of cum shot down your throat.

you released his dick with a loud pop!, grinning up at sakura from your kneeling position between his legs. you opened wide, tongue lolling out to show not a single drop of cum after swallowing the load he released in your mouth.

“i—” sakura swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to even out his breathing. “i told you not to swallow…” he grumbled, willing his head to lean forward so he could get a better look at your face. his other hand remained in your hair, smoothing down the pieces that stuck up. you kissed his tip gently, giggling when his hips jerked at the movement.

“you’re still hard,” you noted, resting your head on his thigh, palm cushioning your cheek. “wanna go again or need a break?”

sakura’s ears flushed red, brows scrunching together in embarrassment. “you haven’t cum yet,” he scowled. you grinned at his response, finding how angry and sensitive he gets post nut cute. you let him know as much, and watched as the rest of his face heated up. “just—give me a second. can’t feel my damn legs.”

“i can go on top,” you offered, not waiting for a response and shimmying your bottoms down your legs. sakura’s eyes zeroed in on the wet spot on your panties, mouth instantly going dry.

he stared in wonder at the string of slick connecting your underwear to your core, mind going numb at the way you straddled his lap. your fingers made quick work of stretching yourself out, and he felt himself grow harder, if possible. his eyes locked onto your hand, following your movement until you held your slick-coated fingers up to his face. almost unconsciously, he opened his mouth and whimpered at your taste.

deeming yourself ready, you lined up sakura’s cock to your entrance, giggling to yourself at the way his eyes seemed to roll to the back of his head.

“wait, grab a—oh, fuck,” he grunted out at the feeling of your wet heat enveloping his bare cock. you sunk down slowly, pausing every few seconds to let yourself adjust to his size. “get off—‘m not wearing a condom.”

you ignored him, eyes focused on the way your hole sucked him in. sakura’s hands found their way to your waist, squeezing in warning at the way you rut your hips against his.

“oh, you like it raw, huh?” you teased, gasping when the blunt head of his cock nudged the sensitive spot inside you. you continued moving slowly, opting to circle your hips over bouncing on his cock.

suddenly, you found yourself on your back on the floor, the buttons of your forgotten skirt digging uncomfortably into your shoulder. sakura hovered over you, arms shaking in exertion and breaths coming out in heavy pants. the way you were grinding on him almost sent him over the edge, balls tightening at the way your tits moved over him. he couldn’t help the way he manhandled you, any more and he would’ve came in seconds.

“wait,” he breathed out, forehead leaning down to rest on your collarbones. you felt so tight and wet, pussy squeezing him in a vice grip. your arms circled his neck, fingers playing with the hair at his nape, tugging slightly at his lack of movement.

“i said i’d go on top,” you complained, lifting your hips up in an attempt to get some sort of friction from sakura’s still body.

“and i said wait,” he repeated, body slowly beginning to move against yours. you let out a small moan at the feeling of his cock dragging through your walls, trailing off into a high pitched gasp at the feeling of his fingers on your clit. “acting like no condom wasn’t a big deal,” he growled out, hips snapping roughly against yours. you squealed at a particularly rough thrust, fingers tightening in his hair as you pulled.

“feels good, doesn’t it, haru?” you cooed out, clenching as hard as you could. his thrusts stuttered, a hand coming up to steady himself against you.

“enough,” he breathed against your neck. “let me make you feel good too.”

suo hayato (wc: 0.9k)

⸻ edging, hair pulling, toys (vibrator), dacryphillia, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, pet names (sweetheart, pretty girl)

you thought you knew better than to accept any kind of challenge or proposal from your boyfriend, knowing that every idea that ever left his head was usually for his own benefit. but for once, you were determined to win a bet.

for the past what felt like hours, you had been trapped under suo, writhing as he held a vibrator to your clit and his tongue explored inside you.

the promise of raw sex on the condition that you don’t cum had you holding on to your last shred of sanity, eyes clouded over but focused on a shadow on the ceiling. you’re sure the bedsheets were soaked underneath you, the slick feeling of your juices running down your thighs and almost to your knees.

“five more minutes,” suo mused from between your legs, the bottom half of his face shining, covered in your slick. “you’re doing better than i expected, aren’t you?”

you whimpered in response, knowing that not responding at all would have suo doing everything he could to make you cum. he grinned at the sound, diving back into you and clicking the vibrator to a higher setting. your body jerked up, but the one hand holding your hip kept you from jolting into suo’s mouth.

“uh-uh,” he tutted, pulling away from you. you whined at the loss of contact, but made sure to keep your hips planted firmly on the bed. if you even attempted to chase after his fingers or mouth, you’re sure he would’ve edged you for a few more hours. “you were so close, there. what a shame.”

suo made quick work of flipping you over, chuckling at the hazy look in your eyes. you hardly noticed the way he manhandled you, head reeling from the orgasm he ripped away from you. but the familiar rip of foil behind you brought you back to reality, head whipping back to stare at suo holding a condom.

“hayato…” you whined, tears lining your eyes. “but you promised you wouldn’t…” he had you bent over, one hand running up and down your side while the other held your wrists together behind your back.

“i don’t know, sweetheart,” suo teased from behind you, the hand caressing you paused to pinch your skin. “you also said you wouldn’t move at all.”

“i didn’t! p-please,” you hiccuped, tears already streaming down your face and smudging your mascara. “didn’t cum at all… promised i wouldn’t.”

you felt a hand come up to gently swipe underneath your eyes, unaware of the way suo’s pants tightened at the sight of your tears.

“i know,” he said simply. “if i wanted you to cum, you would’ve. try again and ask nicely.”

“wanna cum on your cock,” you choked out, words garbled with the steady stream of tears. “please don’t use it…” your voice trailed off into light sobs, eyes focused on the condom and hands attempting to break out of his hold.

“that wasn’t hard, was it?” suo relented, taking pity on you. he slipped the open packet into one of your hands, relishing in the way you crumpled it in your grip and the dopey smile that appeared on your face.

the sound of his zipper already had you salivating. he still held your hands together behind your back, so you could only imagine what he was doing to finally free his aching cock.

you could feel him behind you, his leaking tip lining up at your entrance and thrusting in in one smooth movement. the high you’ve been chasing for the past hour finally came when he bottomed out, cock nudging at your cervix. your head fell forward, mouth dropping into a soundless scream while your pussy fluttered and squeezed around his dick.

he released your hands in order to hover himself over you fully, your own following to grip his wrists loosely.

“look at that…” you heard him mutter lowly, breath fanning across your shoulder. “you’re making a mess on my bed, pretty girl. i barely stuffed you and you already came.”

you pressed your cheek into the sheets, trying to catch your breath as you lay still for a moment. you gasped at the feeling of your head being lifted, suo’s hand buried into your hair as he turned you to face him.

“you want more?” he asked, pulling his hips all the way back until only the tip remained in you, before slamming all the way back in, balls hitting your clit in the perfect spot. your head fell slack again, drool dribbling from the corner of your mouth at the feeling. suo repeated his ministrations, snapping his hips into yours and leaning over to get a better look at your fucked out expression. “i asked a question.”

“wan’ more…” you slurred out, tongue lolling out as suo subtly angled his hips to hit the sensitive spot inside you. “want y’re cum inside…”

he paused, dropping your hair and pushing your face into the bed. out of the corner of your eye, you could see the hand supporting himself grip onto the sheets tighter, knuckles almost turning white.

“better make sure you don’t regret that then, sweetheart.”

togame jo (wc: 0.8k)

⸻ overstimulation, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, squirting, pet names (baby, doll)

“y’look so pretty like this, baby,” togame whispered into your thigh, teeth lightly grazing over the sensitive skin. his eyes locked onto your glistening folds and he grinned, lightly blowing air on your sensitive clit. you jolted under the movement, a small whimper escaping from your lips.

“jo,” you hiccuped, spent from the previous orgasms he pulled out of you. you wriggled under his grasp, hands reaching down to tug his hair, a sad attempt of getting him to face you properly. “want you…”

taking pity on you, togame lifted himself up and hovered over you, arms caging you in as he pressed a light kiss to your lips. his cock slid against your core, blunt head occasionally catching your clit. you moaned softly, hips bucking against his in an attempt to create more friction.

“you already have me,” he grunted, eyes locked on to where you touched, entranced with the way your juices soaked his cock.

“want more,” you whined, hands coming up to dig into his shoulders. he hissed at the way your acrylics dug into his skin, already anticipating the marks you’d leave behind. not that he minded, though. “want you inside,” you moaned, legs moving to wrap around his waist and lock him in place.

he hissed at the feeling of your pussy pressing his cock to his abdomen, a big hand coming in between your bodies to press you down against the bed. he ignored the whimper you made at the loss of contact, instead leaning down and capturing your lips in a searing kiss. “can’t today, baby. we’re out of condoms,” he whispered against your lips once he pulled away, a string of saliva connecting you.

“don’t care, i wanna feel you,” you whispered back, turning your head slightly to press light butterfly kisses to his face.

togame short circuited at your words, thoughts of your pussy dripping with his cum instantly plaguing his mind. his hips stuttered against yours before halting completely, cock pressing directly against your clit.

“don’t say that,” he groaned, head falling forward to rest against yours. “can’t control myself if you say shit like that.”

you squirmed under his weight, hands weakly pushing at his shoulders to get him to look at you. you couldn’t push him even if you tried, but you looked so pretty trying to get his attention that he lifted himself up anyway.

“why not?” you blinked up at him, tears of frustration gathering in your waterline.

togame groaned again, simultaneously feeling turned on and guilty at the thought of you crying. “don’t think i can pull out, baby.”

“who cares?” you pouted, a few tears escaping and trailing down your cheek. “can’t you just cum inside?”

he shuddered at your words, cock somehow getting bigger. he could never say no to you. “you sure?”

you nodded, still hiccuping from the tears while your hands looped around his neck. “want you inside now.”

togame couldn’t control himself any longer, the image of your spent pussy pushing out his seed plagued his mind. instantly, he had your legs tossed over his shoulders and sheathed himself inside you in one thrust.

you squealed at the intrusion, the new position allowing him to reach deeper than he usually does. the lack of protection between you had you feeling extra sensitive, the vein on the underside of his cock dragging against your entrance every time he thrusted in.

“you’re so wet,” he groaned, throwing his head back. your pussy fluttered at his deep voice, walls clamping down on him. “fuck, did you just get tighter? don’t—don’t squeeze me like that, baby.”

“‘s deep,” you slurred, mouth falling open when he tapped them. you closed your lips around the three fingers he gave you, moaning and salivating at the feeling of two holes being stuffed.

his other hand was positioned between you, heavy thumb resting on your clit, pressing extra hard when he thrusted back inside you. in no time, you felt your nth orgasm approaching, but this one felt a little different than the ones from earlier.

“wait! ‘s too much!” you moaned out, eyes snapping open and hands situating themselves on togame’s abdomen as you tried to push him away. “y’re too big, feels funny!”

he angled his hips slightly, rutting against the sensitive spot inside you as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. the pressure of his cock dragging along your walls and his thumb on your clit had you seeing stars. your orgasm came crashing down on you, pussy forcing togame’s cock out of you as you gushed, juices covering his abdomen.

“shit, you’re so messy,” he groaned, watching in awe at the mess you made. he spread your legs again, easing himself back inside your fluttering hole. your body shook at the overstimulation, whining at the feeling of his cock filling you again

“you said you wanted to feel me, doll,” togame said, pausing to lick a long stripe up your ear. “stay nice and still for me, ‘kay? we’re not done til your pretty cunt’s filled with my cum.”

kaji ren (wc: 1.1k)

⸻ semi-public sex, unprotected sex, creampie, mentions of birth control pills

“cut it out,” kaji hissed, one hand coming up to squeeze your jaw as a warning while the other tried to stop your fingers from undoing his pants zipper. the two of you squeezed in on the same side of a booth in some family restaurant downtown, but the sight of him punching a creep who tried hitting on you had you squirming and squeezing your thighs together the whole walk there.

“y’re really trying to do this now?” he muttered in disbelief, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“but you looked so good earlier,” you mumbled out, cheeks still squished together. “we haven’t fucked in, like, a week. missed your dick.”

an audible crunch echoed in the area, you tilted your head up slightly and watched as he swallowed thickly before spitting out the stick of his lollipop on the table.

“you keep doing this shit,” he groaned, ears turning red. “couldn’t’ve waited til we got home? fucksake.” despite his words, kaji adjusted his grip from your hand to your wrist, roughly pulling you up and dragging you to the restroom in the back, weaving through tables, over stray bags and a few legs sticking out.

he pushed the bathroom door open unceremoniously, eyes doing a quick sweep of the area before he turned to you for approval. “clean enough?”

your heart swelled at the consideration and you had half the mind to actually start swooning. instead, you pressed yourself into his back, smiling at his behavior before nodding. “mhm. you’re so cute.”

you could feel him stiffen in front of you, grip on your wrist tightening enough to hurt, before he slammed you against the closed door. his lips attached to yours, tongue forcing your lips open as a hand snaked down to your other lips.

he paused his movement eyes widening at what he felt under your skirt. “why are you wearing this shit…?” he mumbled, feeling lace and a concerning amount of fabric—barely any, to be exact.

“always wanna look my best for you,” you batted your eyes at him, grinning at the way his jaw clenched. the smile slipped off your face at the rip that echoed off the walls. you looked down to see half your panties in kaji’s hand and the other half slowly fluttering down to the floor. you gaped at the sight, jaw dropping in disbelief that your boyfriend actually ripped your underwear.

he ignored you, dropping down to his knees and lifting your skirt up. his eyes were situated on your leaky hole, mesmerized by the juices that were slowly trailing down your thigh.

“don’t have time to stretch you out properly. c’you handle it?” he asked, two fingers already prodding at your entrance. your knees buckled, arms flailing out to catch yourself on the wall to your left.

“s’okay, two’s enough,” you gasped out, feeling him press against the spongy spot inside you. “d’you have a condom? didn’t put a new one after last time.”

it was silent for a second, the squelching from between your legs pausing as kaji patted himself down for his wallet.

“didn’t bring it,” he grumbled. “shoulda waited til we got home.”

you felt your disappointment rise, even more so when kaji stood up and zipped his pants back up.

“wait, actually, can’t we go without it?” you proposed, instantly feeling defensive at kaji’s frown. “‘s not like i’m gonna get pregnant.”

his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

“got on the pill last month. can’t you just fuck me now?”

kaji swore under his breath, muttering to himself about how demanding you were, but the bulge in his pants was more than obvious to how he felt.

“keep your mouth shut, got it?” he asked, arms looping under your thighs to hoist you up and set you against the sink counter. you gripped onto his shoulders, pressing a kiss into his cheek at the motion.

“you’re the best!” you sang into his ear.

“shut up,” he mumbled, wrestling with his boxers to pull his cock out as you flipped your skirt up. “can’t believe the first time i’m fucking you raw’s in a public bathroom.”

“can’t believe you’re fucking me in a public bathroom,” you countered, gasping when you felt his cock nudge at your entrance.

“you were the one getting handsy out there, i don’t wanna hear shit from you,” and with one swift movement, kaji bottomed out completely.

you let out a loud moan at the feeling, your pussy struggling to take him in due to the lack of prep, walls stretching uncomfortably around his length. “keep going,” you whined when his hips instantly stilled.

“i told you to keep quiet.”

“sorry, ren,” you breathed out, head resting on his shoulder. “been a while. y’feel bigger than usual.”

his grip on your thigh tightened, probably enough to leave hand-shaped bruises. kaji started rutting into you, not fully pulling out but enough for you to start getting used to his size. one of his hands found your clit, causing you to squeal and jerk forward into him. he stopped moving again, his other hand coming up to snake around your neck and squeeze.

“keep your mouth shut,” he rasped, sweat gathering along his forehead and dripping down his neck. he breathed out onto your neck, an attempt at grounding himself.

“you gonna cum? two pump chump?” you teased, breath hitching at the new angle he was thrusting at.

“shut up. y’re fucking tight. ‘m never using a condom again,” he grunted out, panting right below your ear.

his praise went straight to your core, coupled with his strong thrusts and messy circles on your clit, your orgasm crashed down on you. you couldn’t help the moan that ripped its way past your lips, breath getting caught when kaji warningly squeezed your neck.

the lack of oxygen made you dizzy, walls clamping down on kaji at the stimulation. his thrusts became more erratic, cock slamming into you as he shot his load inside. his thrusts slowed as your cunt milked him of the last of his cum, your body twitching from the way he used your body.

“can’t believe you ripped my underwear,” you grumbled, standing up awkwardly in an attempt to keep kaji’s cum inside you. “you owe me a new pair.”

his hands came up to stabilize you, letting you lean into him as you caught your breath. a drop of his cum dripped out of you directly onto the bathroom floor. his eyes locked onto it, trailing up until they landed at the mixture of his and your cum leaking out of you.

shit, was he hard again?

“shut up,” he growled, face heating up. your ripped panties secured in his jacket pocket. “be grateful i didn’t plug you with that shit.”

umemiya hajime (wc: 0.7k)

⸻ size difference, belly bulge, unprotected sex (good girl, angel, pretty girl)

umemiya always thought you were pretty, but something about you in this position, spread out for him, had his heart swelling a little more than usual.

“where do you want me?” he breathed out, gently nosing your cheek and chuckling at the way you murmured his name. his fingers gently traced your folds, relishing in the way your body jerked at his touch.

“‘dun care,” you sniffled, tears pooling in your eyes. “jus’ want you, haji.”

umemiya’s jaw clenched at the admission, and he couldn’t help the way he ground his clothed dick against your exposed core. the friction of his jeans causing you to cry out and grip onto his shoulders.

“take ‘em off,” you whined, one hand snaking down to paw at his belt. “…please.”

“tell me where you want me first, pretty girl,” he cooed, pants getting impossibly tighter at the way you opened your eyes and peered innocently up at him.

“want you everywhere,” you admitted, hands coming up to cover your face as your cheeks heated up.

ume let out a curse under his breath, breath hitching at how cute you were being. you were laid bare for him, everything stripped from your body and multiple orgasms drawn out by him and you still felt shy.

“good girl,” he groaned, hands reaching down to finally remove his pants. despite your previous embarrassment, you sat up and laid your hands over his own, wanting to help him undress.

“wanna help you feel good, too,” you murmured shyly, cheeks heating up. umemiya had to stop himself from throwing his head back and groaning at the sight of you in front of him. “can i?”

“next time, angel,” he choked out, gently pushing you to lay back as he hovered over you. “let me feel you first, yeah?”

he lowered himself, pressing gentle kisses to your face as he began rutting against you, cock sliding messily through your folds. “feels big…” you muttered, pupils dilating the longer you stared at the man on top of you. “can it fit?”

ume felt himself get harder, if that was even possible, at your innocent tone. your teary eyes staring up at him tugged on his heart as he dropped down again to press a deep kiss to your lips.

“i’ll fit,” he’s confident. with how good you’ve been for him all night how could he not be? “trust me and i’ll take care of you, pretty girl.”

you clenched around nothing at the name, pussy already leaking all over his cock. “i trust you, haji,” you whispered out.

“open wide and relax f’me, okay?” his hands pushed your thighs further apart, pussy now on full display. his eyes locked onto your glistening hole, tongue darting out to wet his lips at the sight.

umemiya slowly started to ease himself in, holding himself back from thrusting in completely. the way your walls were stretching to fit him had him dizzy, head spinning from the grip you had on his cock. and the noises you made were downright sinful, whimpers and moans escaping your lips, your hand clamped over your mouth to muffle the sounds—oh, that’s no good.

“don’t hide,” he grunted out, gently bringing your hand down. “i wanna hear those pretty noises.”

he pushed in as much as he could, cock drenched in your juices until he met resistance a little more than halfway in. you squealed at the feeling, head thrown back and back arched as he filled you.

“it‘s too much!” you cried out suddenly, walls seizing against him. he pressed a hand to your belly, eyes widening at the bulge he felt and saw peeking through your skin.

umemiya leaned down to press another kiss to your lips, peppering your face in them as a few tears escapes your eyes.

“you can take it,” he encouraged, groaning at the way you tightened around him. he eased the rest of his length into your heat, smiling at the way he completely disappeared inside you. “good girl—like that.”

he circled a finger lightly around your clit, not expecting it to throw you over the edge. you let out a high pitched moan, head thrashing and nails scratching down his arms as an orgasm washed over you. your walls squeezed him tighter, almost sucking him in.

“you already came, angel?” he asked, breathless from how tight you held on to him. “let me see you do that one more time.”

note: big fat thank u to anyone who made it to the end, hugs for u! kaji’s section being the longest… yeah drinking my clown juice rn. lmk ur thoughts!

[mzcain27]

Somebody should take my phone I’m gonna be nasty

[vuulpecula]

"Mr. Moriarty," Fox greeted, taking a seat across from him. Beside her, her partner did the same. He scowled, eyeing the restraints that kept the criminal's hands bound to the table before him. "I'm Agent Alkaev and this is Agent Cain." Before her, Fox placed a rather thick file--the contents filled with his crimes and those they suspected for him to be behind. She had looked over it, had familiarized herself, and one thing had gnawed at the back of her mind. He was no petty criminal, this James Moriarty. If he was, he would not be here, deep within MI6, in one of their most secure interrogation rooms--yet, he was here. He'd evaded everyone for so long and now, to be seated, cuffed, she had a hard time believing that it was actually him.

"Can I get you anything before we begin? Water, tea, coffee?" Beside her, Agent Cain scoffed.

@kingofthewebxxx plotted starter.

[lurkingshan]

Things That Have My Attention In 4 Minutes Episode 6

Original timeline FINALLY let’s gooooooooo

Going back to the start to see Great’s utter lack of remorse for killing that woman, his spoiled brat reaction to his dad handling his mess, and his decision to help his terrible friend get away with a murder was a great reminder that he is in fact a terrible person.

Congrats to… a bunch of us? for piecing together the original timeline correctly based on what we had. In the original sequence of events, Tyme was deep in his revenge plan, got dumped by his girlfriend for neglect, and then intentionally seduced Great so he could record their sex and use it for leverage against Great’s dad. Which didn’t really work. He’s not good at plans, y’all!

By the way, Tyme? Clearly not a virgin. I never liked that read anyway so I’m glad it’s dead. His awkwardness during his first time with Great in the redo timeline is more about his feelings being engaged, it seems.

Great being unphased about the video and just wanting more of that good dick makes perfect sense for his character. He doesn’t care about anything or even have real curiosity about what Tyme was after with that stunt.

And as we finish up the timeline we learn the source of Great’s regret. It’s not any actual self-motivated remorse or understanding of his moral failings, of course. Instead it’s Tyme calling him a coward to his face and rejecting him. His attempt to suddenly claim a moral high ground with his parents after his own string of murders was hilarious and I don’t think he gets the irony.

But someone does! Tonkla coming in clutch as the cause of Great’s cardiac episode was EXCELLENT. And it makes perfect sense because in this timeline, Great is one of Dome’s murderers along with Title. I think safe to assume we’ve been seeing everything else Tonkla was up to in this time in the cold opens, though the exact timing and sequencing of them is up in the air.

The only piece that’s still not tracking for me is Tyme’s side of the romance. The events of this episode explain why Great’s choices in the redo seem to center on getting Tyme to trust him, but they don’t explain Tyme’s reactions to him. This is hardly a love story for the ages. He and Great were emphatically not in love in this original timeline, so I don’t see why Tyme would trust him if he was also reliving this timeline. And if Tyme is not reliving things, that rushed romance arc in the redo timeline doesn’t really work. He has no reason to trust or fall for Great that easily. We also still haven’t seen how Tyme gets shot, so I am inclined to believe there is an additional timeline at play that fills in the remaining gaps and better motivates Tyme’s end of the romance.

Noting here that in the original timeline, the lady Great hit, Dome, and Nan all die, but his mom does not. So by saving that woman, Great inadvertently caused his mother’s death. Something to ponder as we head into the final eps and figure out whether these changes stick.

I’m still hoping that this story is going to take us to a nuanced and complex place and not lead to a pure happy romance ending for Great because honestly he does not deserve it.

It’s nice to finally have a week where we actually got a bunch of questions answered and didn’t generate too many new ones!

[paingoes]

Rubies - Trial I

LETS FUCKIMG GOOOOOOOOO

im so excited to write this. i should also say i feel i owe a huge debt to @lumpywhump for this post? i didnt follow it to the letter but it realllllly inspired me and helped break me out of the writers block i had w this story.

(Content: living weapon whumpee, dehumanization, discussions of past abuse)

It was busy back at base. Nothing unfamiliar. Delta kept his head down, staying closely to Kitty’s side. He had a very practiced method of shadowing. He did not look up too often to check, but he seemed to escape the notice of most people passing by. They traveled deeper into the labyrinthine halls of Galatea. 

Deeper, though, may have given the wrong impression. Really, they were going further up. The rooms seemed to grow brighter as they did, more ivory than steel. It was cleaner, somehow. The people standing about were older than the rank-and-file that made up the lower levels. 

Delta was the youngest person there. He’d expected as much. He always had been.

Earlier, he had packed what little he owned into the weighted black duffel bag, with room left to spare. They’d spent the better part of the week trying to prepare him for what came next, but they always seemed to falter before they could bring themselves to really push. Delta listened patiently as their words tied up.

“They’re going to pry,” Apollo had admitted, “It’s what they do. They want to know what happened.”

“…In detail?” Delta asked.

He had a good sense for it, truthfully. Little snapshots burned themselves into his brain. The doll half buried in the mound where the camp had been pitched. The glass shards he’d teased out from Paris’s arm when he was too drunk to care for himself. The terrier that had rolled over onto its back, unaware he’d been sent to kill it. Sierra’s perfume on the bare spot of her neck and her horsehair brush against his temple. 

“I don’t know,” Apollo had sighed, “It’s supposed to be clinical.”

It didn’t feel that clinical in the building. Natural light still poured in, not any harsh fluorescent. It was more casual than he would’ve expected. He was used to more severity — in aesthetic and in manner. But the voices in the room were chatty, familiar. Without any particular edge. 

He took note of a few of them. Some he recognized — older members of Galatea, not half as famous as Levon but still well-known. They’d all known each other for a long, long time.

He did not recognize the woman who approached him. Her hair was cut in a neat line about her chin. Dark glasses obscured her eyes.

“This is it?” She was still facing him, but the question was directed to Kitty. She did not wait for an answer.

A finely manicured hand grabbed at his face unexpectedly. He flinched from the surprise of it, but otherwise held still. She tilted it his head to one side, then the other, examining him. He didn’t meet her eyes — or where they would’ve been if the glasses didn’t obscure them.

“Hello???? What the fuck?” Kitty’s tail puffed up in anger, stepping forward. 

“Hm?” The woman looked confused. She did not let go.

“Get off him?!?!?” Kitty’s voice rose several decibels. He realized with a start that her claws had come out.

The woman released him, but her puzzled expression did not change. Delta bowed his head a little, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor.

“Why?” She asked.

“He’s sentient,” Apollo seemed to immediately understand the confusion, “Was I not clear enough about that? Did I not explain this properly over the phone?”

“You are?” The woman looked at him again. Delta nodded slowly.

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Sorry. I didn’t expect you to be.”

Delta didn’t respond. Sentient. His own sentience felt like a finely guarded secret. He’d been coached to act like it did not exist. He knew any glimpse of awareness from him was not a comforting sight to the public. Nobody wanted a bomb that could think. He could, though. It seemed like he wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore.

The woman started to say more, then grew too embarrassed by the faux pas. She hurriedly excused herself. 

“Sorry. You’re okay?” Apollo leaned in. 

He nodded, again. He hadn’t really minded. It was all standard fare.

“She shouldn’t have done that,” Apollo said. He was being very precise with his words, “People shouldn’t touch you without your permission.”

Delta nodded like he understood.

~

“Okay. I think we can get started.” Levon swayed the pointer stick back and forth in his hands. “My name is Levon. You all know me, hopefully. I’ll be presiding over the deposition, as is the power vested in me. This is just going to be our day zero. We’ll get everyone up to speed on the situation, introduce ourselves, try to establish an outline for the rest of the trial. Sound good?”

They all sat around a long table. Sunlight streamed in through the blinds. He’d been to enough of these meetings before — chained to the base of the chair, normally, or left off in the corner. It felt deeply unnatural to be sitting in the chair they’d assigned him. It was uncomfortable. He was at their eye level — and somehow felt even more on display than he had been nothing more than a statement piece. There was no avoiding the curious looks they kept casting his way.

“Silas Vern,” a thin man in a long coat introduced himself at the prompting, “Prosecution.”

“Maryam Pike,” a woman dressed in all pink stood up, “I’ll be leading defense.”

Others announced themselves, all unaffiliated, none of particular import. The attention turned back to Delta. He froze up. There was no chance at all he’d be able to speak.

Apollo saved him. His eye twitched in agitation, but that was the only tell. “Apollo Castilian. Katherine Leifer. Delta.”

No surname. He let it hang in the air before sitting down.

“Perfect. So, we’ll go over the facts of the case with the assumption that you’re all hearing them for the first time.” Levon clicked something. The projector behind him turned on. It was a screenshot of the forum’s homepage.

“Around twelve months ago, Agora user-” Levon read every letter of the keysmash. Delta felt a small twinge of annoyances; he’d meant for it to be unpronounceable on purpose. “-began posting a series of threads containing confidential information on Empire’s operations. The nature of the data breach indicated a very high level of clearance within the imperial system, leading many users on the site to believe it was an internal whistleblower. The information was recorded and passed along — unattributed — to Galatea’s intelligence by a Miss Katherine Leifer.”

Kitty smirked a little.

“This was eventually adapted into an exclusivity deal in which the poster was offered immunity in exchange. He turned down the initial offer. About three months ago, he asked that it be re-extended. Under the command of Flight Officer Iza Mok — and unbeknownst to any of her superiors — that request was granted.”

The projector changed to play a video. It was very low resolution, taken from miles away, but it showed the carnage of the airship. It burned and burned in the sky, shaking and struggling until it all went out at once, falling into the ocean. 

“An attack was launched on the Centurion Ball. There were no survivors,” Levon said flatly, not sounding too upset by it, “The asset was retrieved, at which point it was revealed that the user possessed extreme psychic ability. Later disclosure confirmed the identity of Δ-107. Our intelligence up until that point had suspected the designation represented a weapon of mass destruction, but we had no explicit knowledge of its design or purpose until now.”

Levon closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he was looking straight at Delta.

“We had no knowledge or expectation that he was alive. Records suggest that he has been marked as imperial property from the age of thirteen onwards. Intelligence uncovered proof of purchase from the now defunct Beldam Institution.”

Oh, it had been ages since he’d heard that name. No one inside of it ever called it by name. It was simply The Institute. Nothing else existed outside of it. He felt strangely sick.

“The full extent of destruction is currently unknown. It seems unlikely that it can even be uncovered. What we do know is the destructive potential suggested by the power readings — and some confirmed incidents. The objective of this trial is to agree upon a just course of action that can ensure the safety of all parties. Any questions?”

He looked around expectantly, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“None? Okay. Silas and Maryam have both been appointed by me, in light of their expertise. We’ll spend the next meetings going over both sides of their arguments. The rest of you are expected to remain impartial to anything but the evidence and the arguments presented. Likewise, if you have any questions or concerns you feel need to be urgently addressed, you need to bring them up now. My hope is that we can get this out of the way in one shot. I don’t want this to be an ongoing discussion. And — I hope this goes without saying — none of this leaves this room. Clear?”

Like that it was dismissed. The older members of the board started to file out, some casting last looks over their shoulder that Delta plainly ignored. Kitty’s hand found his own as she rose to stand.

“Hang back a sec,” Levon said.

She sat back down. As the room emptied, Levon sat too. He leaned one elbow against the back of the chair.

“How are you feeling?” He asked casually.

Nobody answered for him this time. He thought he’d have made it through today without having to speak. He wished he’d stop getting questions like that. He still didn’t know how he was supposed to answer them.

“I’m okay,” he mouthed it more than he said it.

Levon’s eyes switched to Kitty and Apollo, who he knew were far more likely to object. Apollo clicked the pen against the table.

“…I don’t understand what the prosecution is meant to be arguing. You said this wasn’t a punitive trial.”

“He’s arguing for more strict security measures. It isn’t a punishment.” He studied Delta as he said it. 

Delta didn’t care, really, how strict anything was. He’d come to surrender. He’d expected to be imprisoned for the rest of his life, if not killed outright. The trial struck him as a formality that they need not take. He wouldn’t have fought them on anything they decided. They needed no pretense of fairness for that. He already knew what he deserved.

“You mind if I talk to you alone?” Levon asked. 

Delta nodded, ignoring the quiet protests Apollo was making with his eyes. Kitty squeezed his hand again.

“I’ll cya,” she promised. He believed her.

Levon led him out of the conference room, out into the hall. Delta stayed close to him, careful as if there’s be a tug at his collar if he let himself fall too far back. There was a faint industrial hum throughout the whole building.

“Is there anything I can do that would make this easier for you?” Levon asked quietly. “I know it’s going to be difficult either way. I’m sorry to put you through it. But if it has to happen, is there anything that would help?”

The question caught him severely off-guard. He stepped quietly into the elevator that Levon held open for him. He shook his head.

“…I don’t need anything, sir.” 

It was so hard being talked to like a person, though he was familiar enough with being talked at. He didn’t know how to respond in kind. He’d never gotten so many questions before. He was too nervous to answer most of them, too confused to even understand what they were getting at. He kept getting his wires crossed.

They went up a few floors — the one where Delta’s new room was kept, the same floor Levon’s office was on. They stepped out.

“You’ll tell me if you do?” Levon tried instead. It was easier, the yes-or-no questions. Those he could handle.

“Yes, sir.” Delta agreed. He didn’t think it would happen, which made it much easier to confirm.

Levon held open Delta’s bedroom door for him. He was slightly taller than the door frame; he’d have to duck down if he wanted to come inside.

“The room’s okay? For now?” He asked, “You know how to use the buzzer?”

The new room was sterile and clean, white and ascetic. It was expensive, more than Galatea was typically willing to shell out. There wasn’t much inside of it, no decorations, but there were CDs and a projector and books enough to entertain him. No internet. Levon said to wait.

“Yes, sir.”

He did know how to use the buzzer, if he needed anything. But he didn’t. He was used to the solitude. 

“Okay. Phone’s always on. Anything at all, let me know.” It seemed like he was going to say something else for a minute, but it didn’t happen. “Bye.”

The door locked behind him.

~~~

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety @flowery-whump @littlebookworm69

@lordcatwich @human-123-person @paperprinxe @whomeidontknowthem @chiswhumpcorner

[musicalmoritz]

Could you do more of the kids/ parenting head canons??? Can I ask for like Aoiaoi, Natsuteru and Kounene also yamabuki lemon as a single parent and whoever else you want??

Another one let’s gooooooooo

AoiAoi

• Out of every couple these two are the most likely to get married and have kids

• They would have an insane amount of kids. Like they’d be on the news for how many kids they have. Poor Aoi

• Buuuut she’s just as eager to have a house full of kids as Akane is. She gives them flower names and they probably have at least one Harry Potter ass kid who’s named smth like “Teru Nene Aoi.” She doesn’t have to be as strict with them bcuz Akane takes over most of the parenting, trust tho she’s still very involved in her kids’ lives. She probably has a binder to keep track of what’s going on with each of them

• I mentioned before that I see Aoi becoming a florist in the future, I see Akane becoming a therapist. He uses a bunch of psychology tricks to parent their kids, but he has a habit of using too many technical terms when he gives advice. “No honey, you just need to develop an internal locus of control.” The kids and Aoi are both very tired of it. He would absolutely love being a dad tho and be the biggest family guy ever

• They have a sign on their front porch that says smth like “Home of Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi Aoi & Aoi❤️”

• Their home life is very chaotic and stressful at times but it’s built on so much love and dedication. Akane and Aoi are both living their dream lives (likely with a lot of nannies) (or with Akane quitting his job to be a househusband after him and Aoi rock-paper-scissored over who got to do it) (Aoi didn’t speak to him for a week after he won)

Natsuteru

• Oh wow it is hard for me to imagine them as parents

• I say they would have two sons (I’m loosely basing this off a series one of my moots @/teru.kisser made on TikTok)

• No matter who he’s with, Teru is gonna be a helicopter. His parental instincts come before anything else in his life so he fully dedicates himself to the kids. He either has some cool ass job like a private investigator or he’s a stay at home dad, no in between (no he’s not an exorcist in this I’m letting him be happy). He dotes on the kids all the time but can be overly strict in order to keep them safe

• Natsuhiko tries to be the fun dad but he’s so aloof that the kids don’t know much about him. Some kind of super secretive job. His and Teru’s parenting styles tend to conflict so they essentially parent separately. They argue a lot bcuz of their differences but they manage to make it work because both of them are deeply in love with each other. Their kids frequently question how they ended up together

• They take the boys to amusement parks a lot

• While the household can be a bit tense and they could definitely use some family counseling, they all love each other a lot. None of them know how to express it bcuz they’re all so secretive in their own ways but they care about each other more than anything. It’s a weird life but a charming one

Kounene

• Old married couple Kounene save me…old married couple Kounene…save me old married couple Kounene

• Two sons and a daughter. That’s the vibe I’m getting

• Kou has some deep-seated issues he’s unwilling to address but he makes up for it by loving his wife and kids Gomez Addams style. Mans is fully devoted to his family and he makes sure to tell them that every day. I might let him go the exorcist route bcuz I want to see him suffer a lot little. He’s there at every sports game his kids have yelling at the ref. He makes Nene breakfast in bed every morning. One thing abt Kou is he’s gonna spoil the ppl he loves

• Writer!Nene is still a thing in this universe, she has her own trauma and writes to make sense of it. She’s a bit better with the kids because when they need her help, she focuses more on understanding why they’re upset as opposed to Kou who solely focuses on solving all their problems. She has a hard time keeping up with all their extracurricular activities but she supports them nonetheless

• All of Kou and Nene’s friends admire them for being high school sweethearts

• They’re a stereotypical sitcom family. Corny life lessons at the end of each day. The kids get into shenanigans. They probably have a dog too, a golden retriever. It’s a whole bit

Single Dad Lemon

• I love this one, we need more single parent rep

• I’m gonna say he has a son

• I really want to go with some tropey story of how he was living a rough lifestyle and found a troubled kid that he had to look out for and eventually he had to fix up his life to adopt the kid bcuz they changed each other’s lives but would that be too corny?? Maybe he just up and decided he wanted to be a dad someday. Maybe his baby mama left him. You decide

• He would be one of those dads that acts like an older brother at times but in a good way. Instead of rising to his rebellious son’s bait, he meets him halfway, confronting him abt his bs without putting up with it. One of those parents you can swear around but he will throw in a half-hearted “Language.” It’s rocky at first but they end up super close, a rare instance of finding a parent who is genuinely your best friend

• Their house is a mess but it’s a home <3 Similar to the Kounene family they’d probably have a sitcom type lifestyle, the Boy Meets World to Kounene’s Full House. The kid throws a party while Lemon is a way and they have to have a heart-to-heart about it. Cue the tears

I hope you enjoyed these, I had a lot of fun making them!! I’m pleasantly surprised I’ve gotten so many asks about this, I thought most fans hated fankid stuff so I’m happy to see I’m not the only one who like to imagine what these characters would be like in the future

[sandeewithtwoe]

WOOOOOOO!!

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

Ok now, I’m gonna start thanking mutuals that have just been awesome to me, even though I know I don’t talk a lot and it’s hard to keep in touch with me

@sketchingstars03 for being a big supporter at the very beginning of my journey here on tumblr. Your tags/comments always cheer me up and you’ve just been a beacon of good vibes to me

@karineverse for always being so nice to me- I don’t even think “nice” is a good enough word for how awesome of a person you are. You always show excitement and love for everyone’s art, it’s amazing

@somegrumpynerd for leaving the nicest tags I’ve ever read. Not even just that, but your comics and posts about the bad sanses always leave me thinking about them for another 20 minutes, which inspires me to make even more art

@whittlore for reaching out to me and being a wonderful mutual, like talking to me and tagging me on funny stuff. You always bring positive energy every time I see you on my feed

@anamdreams69 for sharing with me your creative ideas and making my nights better with your silly jokes. Talking with you on discord will always be a great time

@hexcia for making awesome character design that motivates me to make silly characters in my head. I sometimes look at your art to give myself inspiration for my own OCs you have no idea

@meglyfer (didn’t expect me to tag you huh?) you always interact and reblog literally all of my posts and I wanted to thank you so much for that. I know we don’t talk a lot but I always read your tags and I always appreciate seeing you in my notifications

AHHH AND THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR FOLLOWING ME!!! FOR READING THIS!!! AND FOR BEING ALIVE!!! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!!

[miadearden]

Okay Arcane2 Act3 thoughts!

The opening sting having a different picture on the record had me going “OH SHIT” right from the get-go!

Wheeeeee! Ekko time! I theorised that we’d get a full Ekko ep (my thinking was ep08 but I think ep07 worked better) and I’m so glad we were correct. Ekko reckoning with the fact that his tip as a child kicked off both the events in his world and in this new reality that he finds himself in, that regret getting mixed into his need to recreate the hextech anomaly and thus he ends up with the Z-Drive, a device that literally lets him go back in time. Really excellent stuff.

Also the fact that this other version of Powder was so key to helping him make the Z-Drive - and the fact that she sees that she’s been hanging with a different Ekko than the one she knows at the end I CRY

Surprised that Heimerdinger died, but it makes sense. I don’t think there was really much more that he was going to offer to the story, so yeah.

I have less to say about Jayce’s side of the hextech trip. It was about what I expected. Called it that the old sage that influenced his desire to pursue magic would end up being Viktor. And the robot? Creature? Thingys? Were creepy As Fuck. So good going there.

All in all, really loved this ep. Not as much as ep05, but still very much.

Onto ep08! And lmao that tweet about how Cait doesnt stand a chance as the hottest woman on the show when Mel is around goes even double now. Ho dang.

That said, due to the pace of this season and the events that followed, I think the emotional side of Mel’s arc ended up being a ball that was dropped a bit. Like we had that conversation between her and Jayce after about her having to reevaluate who she is now, but it felt kinda forced and I feel like we needed some time for her to sit with her feelings a bit more.

The fact that she went to Ambessa at the end of ep08 and offered herself up to Piltover even knowing that Ambessa just wants her magic broke my heart

Onto Cait - I still stand by my thought that her arc has also been harmed by the breakneck pace of this season - however I do love that we see her draw the similarity between her and Jinx and acknowledge that her pursuit of Jinx drew the worst out in her.

And Jinx. Oh, my poor, poor, girl. Once again her and Vi are going ahead and making me cry. Ekko too. Him using the Z-Drive over and over again, trying to save Jinx’s life. I cry.

On the opposite end, CAITVI SEX SCENE?? SEEING VI’S FULL BACK TATTOO FOR THE FIRST TIME?? ALL TO KING FUCKING PRINCESS?? LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

Hey, so do the Jayce haters still think he’s in the wrong for what he did in ep06? Even after Viktor’s whole speech?

My thoughts during ep09 - “Oh, THIS is League of Legends” isn’t it? Lmao

I can’t believe the Maddie haters were right, actually. Incredible call by the haters

Alright getting Mel and Cait up against Ambessa while Ekko, Jinx and Vi are taking on Vander was a very good choice. Loved the Zaunites coming in led by Jinx during the all-is-lost moment, and Mel’s ploy to pretend she’s giving her mother over to the Black Rose but taking it back.

Hooting and hollering and screaming “Boy fucking Saviour let’s goooooooooooo!” as Ekko came in clutch with the Z-Drive. That’s my boy! There he go!

Fully did not expect Jayce to go out with Viktor. Alright then. A win?? I guess?? For the JayVik fans??

(Also “there is no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit” is such a good fucking line I’m mad that Viktor of all people got it)

Well, Singed got what he wanted at least.

All in all, good season - not great, primarily because of the pacing which I think I’ve brought up in each one of my posts. There were a number of elements in this season which needed more breathing room to really hit, and we just didn’t get that which is disappointing. I’ll probably still check out the next LoL series that Riot makes - particularly if most of the same creative minds are going to be behind it. And I’m definitely going to be keeping track of a number of the Fortiche artists and Fortiche in general and what hey work on next (which if I’m remembering correctly they’ve announced a Hades/Persephone movie that they’re making?)

So, yeah

[the0retically]

The Suckening thoughts-#6 Meet Your Maker:

Spoilers below but my god that was a cool episode

- The intros get crazier and crazier and I love it

- Part 2?? Oh!! Goodness I have no idea how many episodes there will be of this and I’m so Scared because they all said it emotionally destroyed them

- …why are they spending this long on this intro,,,,please

- GOD THE MUSIC SLAPS SO MUCH NATHAN HANOVER THANK YOU FOR MAKING AN AMAZING SCORE

- GREFGORE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CHARLIE PLEASE

- Emizel’s “I HAVE QUESTIONS!” makes me So sad

- “Arthur do you see Grefgore anywhere?” SHILOOOOOOO :((((((

- “Arthur please just wait for like 45 minutes” “….is there a pet store nearby” PLEASE??

- SIBLING BONDING EXERCISE!!

- God why are they going back in????

- Ok yeah cat emizel, he has claws

- This is a nightmare what the hell, but good! Go get Grefgore!

- SHILO?? GO WITH YOUR BROTHER

- They’re just redoing it??????? Y’all pleaseeeeee…Charlie’s just like “yeah this will be Exactly the same!!”

- “What is another life for Grefgore!” Shilo I love you, thank god you’re going to try and get him

- And god emizel is Alone what the hell

- And they had to leave Condi alone goodness

- NO! THATS THE QUESTION HE WANTS ANSWERED?? brooooooo

- Ok that entire exchange made me so sad, he lost when him and the demons got their hideout, sure he was able to get Grefgore back (LETS GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) but he Still does not have an answer to why he was abandoned and Shilo got to stay :((((( emizel buddy :(((

- Rip Arthur Petco is closed

- BIZLY IS SO HAPPY ABOUT GREFGORE BEING BACK!

- ……….weird digital glitching?? Excuse me?

- Also god why is Shilo’s aura mortal

- Awwwwwww shilo goes to hug grefgore!!

- “Can vampires regrow their heads?” “……………….what?” Oh god Grizz please don’t cut grefgore’s head off

- “Permission to hug you back my prince?” “Of course!” “Big day for grefgore!” PLEASE :)))

- “You still have many hours for the night” “is that true?” “….yeah?? No! You caught me in one of my DM lies!” iconic exchange

- Oh my god what is happening with this poor nurse, just let her go!!

- Oh god now this has become a sitcom bit what is happening, shilo is just concerned for this woman’s life but emizel and Arthur are trying to get her to get Vanya’s schedule

- :( Arthur telling the boys they don’t have to come with is Very sad

- “If Grefgore is truly a burden to you then I shall go get blood” GREFGORE NO YOURE NOT A BURDEN

- No vents? Damn rip

- Thank god no Arthur frenzy

- LAZARUS????? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

- He’s in the toilet???

- Oh a little family reunion!

- ……….why is this sus, is that really Lazarus?

- WHY IS HE PUSHING A PHEASANT THROUGH THE TOILET PORTAL?

- Charlie’s curse as a DM is just making insane animal noises

- …..is shilo allergic to birds?? Why is he sneezing bizly please let him enjoy the bird

- “Well it is what it is!” LAZARUS PLEASE

- The chaos of the twins to the seriousness of Arthur is Such a juxtaposition

- Oh…Arthur killed his family, god this is heartbreaking

- “Why did you use me?” “Because it was the most effective way” GOD PLEASE

- God props to Charlie and Grizz for this whole interaction, I love this

- OH STAKE RIGHT THROUGH HER HEART

- Arthur popping off, it’s incredibly sad but good for you! Burn her!!!!!! She’s the reason your family is dead, kill her!!!!

- Arthur I love you I’m so sorry your life has been this tragic

- EMIZEL DID NOT ANSWER AND SAY “YELLOW?”

- Jonny???? Oh god, why is there a hit on the demons??

- Thank god soda isn’t there! Please Charlie say soda isn’t there

- HA GRIZZ REALIZING THAT EMIZEL FORGOT THE GANG WAS SO GOOD

- But emizel remembers Theo at least!! That’s good!

- SHILO IS GETTING THE OLD PEOPLE TO BEAT UP EMIZELS SIRE????? IM CRYING OH MY GOD

- What???? Metal???? What is up with this vampire

- Please tell me emizel isn’t going to die again

- Why did they leave Grefgore behind???

- “YOU SHOULD’VE JUST LET ME SUCK YOU MAN!” “WELL I’M SORRY I SUCKED BACK!” ????????

- SHILO RALLY THE OLD PEOPLE!!!!!

- Charlie is that old man Earl????

- EMIZEL IS DEAD AGAIN??????

- “The Wylan twins send their regards” ??????? HUH??

- Shilo is just a sweet boy :( but GET OUT OF THERE

- SHILO GETS HIT TOO?

- “Next session is going to be the adventures of Arthur and Grefgore!”

- Shilo please get out of there

- GOOD RUN!! GET OUT OF THERE

- SHILO PLEASE YOU CANNOT DIE

- WHAT THE HELL

- TAKE GOD FOR REFLEXIVE HEALING

- MINUS FIVE TO EVERY ROLL??

- HE MADE IT! HE SACRIFICED THE OLD PEOPLE HES BLEEDING OUT BUT HES OK!!

- EMIZEL HI??

- Get out of the sun my boy!!

- Oh,,,,,,,oh no?? He has no arms or legs oh my god, he’s tied to a chair and his mouth is sewn shut????

- HORROR HORROR HORROR

- CHARLIE WHAT THE FUCK

- WHAT THE HELL??

- I don’t know why this encounter with the twins and emizel is the most terrified I’ve been with Charlie dming, holy shit

- WAIT EDWARD TWILIGHT?????? WHAT THE FUCK?????

- Emizel I love you, biting off your own tongue to spit at them is amazing he’s so iconic

- Viv and Vex,,,,,interesting

- GOD EMIZEL I LOVE YOU YOURE BADASS

- 7! God please don’t lose more I’m getting scared

- BUT GOD A GREAT EPISODE

[jupiter-soups]

summer camp sadness

synopsis: when it’s Sarah's first time away from home for overnight summer camp, Joel is unprepared for the wave of emotions that overtake him.

tags:  fluff, single dad!joel, no outbreak!au, joel just generally needing consolation that sarah is still his baby girl

word count: 2.3k

a/n: this was written for the pedro pascal cinematic universe discord server fest!!!! please feel free to join in and write something too, or just join the server and have a good time as we talk about all of our favourite dilfs!! link: https://discord.gg/2SBkmdbp

anyways, this is just a cute little oneshot because i just know that Joel would be struggling with his little girl growing up. also this is set in like 2010-ish? they’re the same ages as the show, i just wanted to make a 2009 reference lol. enjoy!!!!!

“And you have Uncle Tommy’s number written down too?” He asks for easily the thirteenth time since they had begun the four hour journey to Camp Yaupon, while fussing with the zip on his daughter’s baby blue puffer jacket as she stands in front of him.

The curly-haired girl lets out a drawn out groan in response, shifting a few steps back to get out of his nervous grip, “Yes, dad, I have his number, I have your number, I have the neighbor’s number, please, can I just go? Before everyone else makes friends without me?” She’s practically bouncing where she stands from the nervous energy, beyond eager to head in and begin the next three weeks of soccer, crafts, and female friendship.

He loosens his grip on her jacket and nods solemnly, clearly running through a mental list of questions to find any reason to extend this goodbye. When he comes up empty, he grabs her and pulls her into a huge bear hug, practically lifting the girl from the ground in his embrace. 

“Dadddddddd,” She groans, trying to pull away with a sheepish, embarrassed expression, as if she was praying that the other girls didn’t see this moment of affection. He had explicitly promised that he would be cool when they got there. She should have known better when he began to tear up as her Hannah Montana: The Movie soundtrack CD began to play ‘Butterfly Fly Away,’. “I need to gooooooooo, it’s fineeeeeee” She drags out, awkwardly patting him on the back.

With her embarrassed tone, he finally pulls away with a small sniff, and rubs his hand across his face as if he was merely affected by hayfever from being parked out near the woods.

“Sorry, darlin’,” He chuckles awkwardly to play off his emotional outburst, “Of course it’ll be fine, just…you’ll be so far away, is all.” The girl’s eyes widen in panic as she spots the redness in his eyes and realises that it is very likely that he is about to start up again. She chooses to pat him on the arm a few times with a warning look, as if to say ‘get it together, old man.’ 

“Alright, alright. I get it. You have fun now, sweetie. Call me before bed, okay?” 

He watches as she scampers off before she pauses briefly, trying to decide which group of teen girls she should approach. He swallows dryly, trying to fight the pinching in his eyes as the sinking feeling that he was really about to be without her for three whole weeks began to swallow him up again. 

You stood a good dozen feet away from him with your own daughter, Ellie, who was rolling her eyes at you. “Come on, Els, if you don’t put it on I can’t let you go and get settled. It’s a four hour drive back, just let me go home already.” You insist, doing your best puppy dog eyes as you hold out the bottle of sunscreen at her.

“Fine,” She gives in, snatching the bottle with an overexaggerated glare that makes you giggle at her fake misery. She begins to slather it onto her face, making noises of disgust at the scent, before complaining “Y’know the second you go home, this bottle is going straight in the trash, right?”

“Ellie. Humor me, just this once,” You say, deadpan, causing the girl to snicker.

“I apologise, mother, I shall be sure to apply the sunscreen diligently every six hours, as per your wishes,” She says in a fake English accent, grinning at the way your eyes narrow in displeasure. 

“I’m sure it’ll be real funny when I never come and pick you up,” You say, dead serious, before breaking to swipe off a remnant stripe of white sunscreen from the side of her cheek. 

“Come here,” You give her a quick hug, knowing not to overdo it and embarrass her. “You’re gonna be careful, and call me if anything bad happens, right?” You press a small kiss to her forehead, immediately making a disgusted face at the remnants of sunscreen, something that Ellie notices and cackles at. 

As Ellie skips away to the friend that waves at her with their full body, you watch with a smile, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall. This wasn’t new for you, but it was still a strange feeling, knowing that your girl wouldn’t be waiting for you at home. From the corner of your eye, you spot a similar scene unfold.

A man, watching his daughter leave, with that very familiar look of sheer panic marring his pretty face. You had been there before. You approach him carefully, noting the way his fists were clenching and unclenching by his sides in some sort of attempt at containing his emotions. 

You cough slightly to make him aware of your location, feeling sort of guilty at the way he was caught off guard, flinching at your presence. “First time?” You ask, a small comforting smile adorning your lips.

He lets out a slightly pained huff of a laugh, looking back at where his daughter was now sitting at the picnic table, “That obvious, huh.” His voice is small at this moment, before he suddenly seems to snap out of it and clears his throat. He stands up straighter and rubs a hand on the nape of his neck, trying to laugh it off more convincingly this time. The way his eyelashes were slightly wet gave him away.

“Guess I’ll get used to it.” He says resolutely, as if he was willing it to be true. He sticks out a large hand as he introduces himself, and you take it, shaking it twice. “Joel Miller, Sarah’s dad.” He pauses before remembering, “Oh, uh- That’s Sarah.” He gestures over to the cute tween girl now animatedly talking to your own daughter. You grin at the sight.

“Oh, I am so sorry. She seems to have met my spawn, Ellie. That’s her over there,” You point at the girl who had somehow stood on the table in the two seconds it took for you to point her out. His genuine laugh warms you, and it takes you a second to remember to introduce yourself. He squints slightly as you say your name. 

“Anderson Middle School, down in Austin?” He questions to your surprise. 

“Uh- yeah. Ellie’s just left their eighth grade class.  Have we met before?”

“No, not really. I just-uh. Think I’ve seen you before, at a PTA event. You were complaining about the girls soccer team getting their budget cut, if I remember correctly.” 

“Yes, that was me!” You confirm, “It did fuck all to help, but Ellie was proud of me for telling the superintendent to go to hell. So, that was nice. Did get banned from any and all following meetings, though.” You grimace at the awkward memory.

He chuckles, and you both fall into a comfortable silence watching your kids laugh with each other. Ellie was now sitting cross legged on top of the table, and Sarah must have been telling her a joke given how you could hear their laughter all the way where you were standing.

As the bell begins to clang, indicating that it was time for the campers to head on inside and that parents could finally head home, you notice Joel tense up beside you. A glance to your left proved that your suspicion that he was not handling this well was correct, as you saw the way redness was rising up his neck and into his face. He chews on his lips as he watches the girls pass through the cabin doors, finally out of his eyesight.

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” You can’t help yourself from comforting him, feeling the pain that you felt just last year when it had been Ellie’s turn to stay at an overnight camp for the first time. His bashful expression as he looked up at you with tears forming in his eyes melted your heart and you pressed a gentle hand against his firm shoulder, rubbing comforting circles.

“I promise, it’ll get easier. Last year, I was so scared to be all alone in that empty house without my Els, but it’s not too bad. Especially once you remember how nice it is to be able to day drink.” You joke, trying to lift his mood. 

He chuckles once, and tries to straighten himself up, squaring his shoulders and turning his head away from you to wipe at his eyes quickly before turning back. “Just goin’ to be weird. So used to her yapping on about her little boy bands. Three whole weeks without her,” He trails off and lets out an exhausted sigh, “Goin’ to be weird.” He repeats to himself quietly. 

“Single dad?” You ask, recognising that bitter fear of loneliness that you yourself had experienced many times in the process of raising a daughter on your own. He nods slowly, and turns to face you, seeming to finally have given up staring at the door that Sarah disappeared through. 

“Jus’ been me and her, goin’ on eleven years now.” He confirms, seeming to have slightly pulled himself together. He sort of looks you up and down for a second, before asking “What about you? Single?” He hesitates before stuttering out, “Single mom, I mean.” 

“Yep, just me and Ellie since she was four.” It’s in this moment that you realise you're still holding on to his shoulder absentmindedly, and you quickly withdraw your hand to your side. God, his shoulders were broad and firm.  His face did seem a little brighter, too, and it looked good on him.

“I know it can be hard to deal with when they first start to have a little independence, but there’s good to it as well. You get to have a little independence, too. And, I can say from experience that she’s not suddenly going to stop needing you. She’ll probably be on the phone to you before you know it.” 

“You’re right, I know. It’s just,-” He sighs, his slightly defeated tone still persevering in a way that told you that he had been wallowing in this for a while, “How can you know that? That she’ll still need me or want to call me. What if I go home, and she’s having so much fun that I don’t hear from her for the entire three weeks,”

You gesture to the ground beside him, to a pink backpack you noticed just a moment before, “Well, for starters, she’ll need to call you when she realises that she forgot that. Unless you’re the Hello Kitty fan in the family?” You tease gently, unable to hold back your laugh at the exasperated look on his face at his daughter's forgetfulness. Ah, the duality of being a parent. 

“God damnit, Sarah,” He frowns as he picks up the backpack, shaking his head in disbelief. “She would forget her own head if it wasn’t attached to her neck.” 

“See? She needs you.” You affirm, giving him an encouraging nod.

He chuckles, and the lingering sadness in his eyes seems to dissipate at the realisation that you were right. “Thank you,” he murmurs quietly, reaching out to give your forearm an appreciative squeeze. The sensation made heat rise to your face, and so you’re grateful when he turns around and begins to jog up to the cabin.

You watch for a moment, before turning around yourself and heading to your car. As much as you wanted to stay and talk to Joel, it was probably best to start the long drive back without letting yourself linger in the way his smile made you feel.

As you take your seat behind the steering wheel and begin to buckle yourself in, you think about how the handsome man looked you up and down, letting his eyes linger for a second too long on your body before they returned to your face. Tapping your fingernails against the steering wheel for a couple of minutes, you considered if maybe you should have hung back for just a moment longer, before deciding that you were probably overthinking things.  

You practically jump out of your skin at the urgent rapping of knuckles against the car window next to you. You see Joel standing there, chest slightly heaving as if he was out of breath. The window squeaks as you roll it down to face him while he leans down to speak to you once more. 

“Sorry, I-uh,” He swallows nervously, and takes a second to catch his breath, “I didn’t realise that you went back to your car– I just. Would it be alright if I got your number?” He asks in a rush, holding out a beat up old blackberry that had its battery duct taped in.

He must have sensed your confusion as he quickly continues, “It’s just. What you said, about independence. Maybe I should make the most of some time alone. Maybe…I don’t know, I could take you out, or somethin’” The way he shifted his weight nervously despite the casual words he used made you want to giggle at his expense. 

“Really? You’re not going to be too busy moping around?” You tease, despite taking the phone from his hand and beginning to type in your own number.

He laughs sort of breathlessly, relief tinging his words as he explains “The second I walked in there she ran over and gave me a big hug. Said she missed me already.” He didn’t bother fighting the grin on his face, “Couldn’ bring myself to tell her off for forgetting her bag.”

You laugh as you pass his phone back to him, heart beating faster as your fingertips brushed in the exchange of the device. 

“I’ll be fine,” He says, tone sure and even, as he looks at your number with a soft smile. “Really.”

a/n: again, this is for the pedro pascal cinematic universe discord server! please join if you want to :) we're nice, i swear!!

also, PLEASEEEE let me know what you think! posting is so nervewracking!!!

[bleetusmcyeetus]

WOOOOO TREASUREBOX CONFIRMATION LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT TODAYS EPISODE FUCKING GOT ME. SO MANY THINGS HOLY CRAP

1. Mom. MOM. FC YOU ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE (I mean you did kinda mess up saying that but that’s not your fault!! You didn’t know!!) AUGHHHHHH MY SON

2. So that’s not Puppet, obviously. Puppet and Eclipse are still stuck in the Negative Dimension, and now Poppet has made it to our dimension. They’re being really good at pretending to be Puppet, which makes sense, but also sucks because until Moon or someone realizes that the secret phrase isn’t being said, no one’s gonna know. Speaking of that, when they told Monty to “read the text out loud” of the code, that didn’t sound like a “oh just read it when you have time”, that was a “read it out loud to me right now” because Poppet probably doesn’t know what it is, and they’re gonna need to find out quickly to not be caught.

3. Poppet has all of Puppet’s memories, right? Which means FC calling her Mom really hasn’t happened before. God that hurts, he called her Mom and she isn’t even there to know 😭

4. OH MY FUCKING GOD. MONTGOMERY GATOR. I love Monty (my husband fr <3), don’t get me wrong, but OOOOH is it so hard to like them sometimes. Just an absolute ass the entire episode, like I get that you need money right now and stuff but c’mon. At least TRY to give them some privacy, even if it was Poppet that talked to them about it, that still means Puppet didn’t want it to get out, and you could at least TRY to negate some of the damage. God. And still pushing to maybe have Foxy do it again? Dawg he is IN A RELATIONSHIP. WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF EARTH STARTED GOING ON FAKE DATES?

5. As the self-proclaimed #1 believer of treasurebox ever since the ep. a few months ago of the fake kidscove date I have been WAITING eagerly for this. And now it’s happened :DD Yippee!!

[plushiebimbo]

This won’t be like super awesome or something but here we gooooooooo-

Good mornin- or Evening, I guess

The sunset that shines it’s last beams.

The slow ticking of the alarm clock.

The calm and breathing air that settles before the night dwellers awake.

Yuli snuggles into the pillow that they held, hoping to sleep just a little bit more before having to hear the alarm go off, signaling that it’s time to get up and work. Despite the need of wanting to sleep, their body slowly stirs, knowing that it’s an inevitable thing. They can only let out a weak groan as have this internal struggle with themselves; causing them to not notice the grasp on their waist getting tighter.

Alucard presses his lips on the back of their neck, slowly turning into actual kisses as he himself starts to wake. Alucard carries the kisses to the smaller vampire’s cheek, making him giggle as Yuri slowly wakes up to the tenderness of their form. He looks over at Alucard and gives him a half tired smile, his sentence being cut off by a yawn: “Good morning, dearest.”

“Good evening. Slept well, pet?” Alucard answered back, a soft look in his eyes but his usual grin taking up his face.

“As well as dead can sleep. Wish we could for a few more minutes.” They stretch, sitting up from the shared bed that Alucard and Yuli slept in. They crack the joints that got stiff and stuck, making them let out a moan of relief as their spine cracks into place.

“It would be delightful, but then a few minutes would turn into an hour, and a hour would turn into the whole night.” Alucard shared, sitting up from his spot, “And that would turn into Sir Integra being rightfully furious with us, pet.” He finally add, booping Yuri’s nose. They sniffled, getting up from the bed to start getting dressed into their proper uniform.

Yuli takes a moment to put the dress and apron on, making sure each button was buttoned up and each bow was tied. He sits at the vanity, putting on their usual make up of red and black eyeshadow and blood red lipstick.

“I do not simply understand how you insist on getting ready like that. It’s so tedious and takes up time. Didn’t you learn how to manifest your own clothes?” Alucard scoffs. In a blink he’s already dressed in his usual attire; the red trench coat and shades. Yuri only smiles as they finish their makeup, moving on to putting their hair up into a white scarf.

“I have learned; I just prefer not to. What happens if I forget to keep them on? Wouldn’t want to be caught naked. Tho…” they turn their head towards him as he gets close to them, “You wouldn’t mind seeing that, I’m sure others would.”

The lanky red vampire chuckles, it coming deep from his chest. He leans down and presses his lips on their neck, covering the vampire mark, continuing his perverted laugh into their skin.

“I think people should appreciate art at it’s fullest. Who wouldn’t enjoy looking at a body like that?~” Yuli rolls their eyes and pushes him off, getting up from their seat, putting on the rest of their uniform: stockings and sliver tipped boots.

“You’re only saying that because you know what you can do to please me.”

“True… but I also know how to make you shiver for more. Make you think of nothing else. Drive you to madness. Make you beg fo-“ they stop him, their face becoming red as they try to chuckle their way out of this.

“Yes yes, we get it. Don’t need to get riled up before work, Al.” the blushing maid rolls their eyes and smirks. They give him a quick peck on his lips, having to stand on their tip-toes to reach a bit.

Yuli checks the clock one last time, acknowledging its time to head out and begin work. “I’ll be quiet busy. Dinner has to be made, some of the office rooms have to be clean, and whatever miscellaneous task Walter and Sir Integra has for me. I assume the moment you make yourself known to be a awake, you’ll be sent off to a mission or few. The possibilities of us seeing each other before sunrise might be slim.”

As Yuri explains, Alucard smirks and wraps his arms around them one last time, embracing the smaller figure. He takes in the sent and soft feeling of them, the little maid making his insides jump a bit whenever he hold them. Yuli softly moans, nuzzling their head onto the hit man’s chest, feeling a jolt of life spark through them one last time. The give each other one last kiss before Yuri takes the handle of the door, ready to open it.

“One last thing.”

“Ye-EEEAAAS!?” Yuli jumps a little bit, feeling Alucard’s large hands grab at their ass, squeezing it in the process. Yuri swears they can feel their heart beat out of their chest.

“For good luck~” Alucard laughs, watching the short vampire turn bright red at the feeling. They huff and open the door.

“H-hurry up and get going before I change my mind about being nice to you!! I swear you do this to cause me trouble.” He grumbles, rubbing their butt a little bit at the aggressive assault on their cheeks. Alucard laughs as he walks out the door, his body slowly merging with the shadows as he begins his shift at the graveyard.

“Cannot wait to see you soon, my lovely pet~”

[undersero]

Beee for your ask game, may I ask about Daiki aomine and his favorite position, the type of house spouse he is, or random thoughts or habits he has? I could not decide so whatever you want to talk about most!! Love you💚💚💚

I could talk about Daiki for forever LETS GOOOOOOOOO

1- He super likes fucking you from behind/doggy style. It enables him to fuck into you as hard as he can, and your position on your hands and knees gives you a more stable base that keeps you sturdy while he rails you. He also loves sliding his hands around to your front to feel your chest.

2- Daiki is an okay house husband. He is prone to napping the afternoon away and letting chores pile up a bit. He isn’t very good at folding clothes and will actively put off the task of folding laundry by hanging things on hangers in the closet even if they don’t belong there. But I also think he would really love cuddles and quality time. He would have a few recipes that he’s mastered that he is always happy to prepare. He would ensure everything in your home was comfortable and cozy, because he values that and wants you to be at ease- definitely good in the non- traditional aspects of house husbandry like that!

5- Daiki likes spicy food but also likes lots of cream in his coffee.

In his home, he arranges furniture with the seasons to ensure that he constantly enjoys the best napping spots available for the time of year.

He really, really values comfort items.

Daiki is easily forgetful but will remember little things like the sushi restaurant you both really like but only visited one time, or the kind of toppings you prefer on your ramen and how exactly you like the items on your nightstand to be arranged.

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: The Scouring of the Shire

YOOOOOO HECK YEAH LET’S GOOOOOOOOO

(Okay so I downloaded Phil Dragash’s reading of this and listened to it on the longest plane flight of my trip and may or may not have made a total fool of myself grinning at it throughout LOLOL)

(But I didn’t have time to write my reactions to it until now so here we go)

“On the further side of the river they could see that some new houses had been built…all very gloomy and un-Shirelike” Uh-oh.

BAHAHAHA the way Sam immediately goes OFF

“SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID SIGN TOO”

I love Merry trying to be a diplomat

Frodo like “oh goodness gracious, now what trouble has that Lotho gotten up to with MY house”

(Also that little bit of stealth sass like “well I’m GLAD he’s not calling himself a Baggins anymore, I can pretend I’m not associated with him”)

Merry be like “Fine, if you won’t open this gate, I’LL OPEN IT FOR MYSELF”

YO WHAAAAAT?? BILL FERNY?????

I mean I can’t say that I’m happy to see him but also it’s kinda fun to be this surprised. I’d forgotten all about him being here!

Haha the way he immediately runs away from Merry once he’s challenged tho

“Neat work, Bill!” HAHAHAHA

EAT PONY HOOF, LOSER

GOOD JOB BILL (the pony)

I love the fact that 50% of the hobbits’ intimidation factor comes from the fact that Merry and Pippin are so BigTM (and the other 50% is Swords)

Pippin listening to all this talking like “heck, I’m tired and wet and I don’t have time for this, just let me sleep in a shack if you want” is such a mood

Also Pippin tearing down the rule lists LOL

Sam has had it up to HERE with this nonsense

Me, at all the burning going on: “Uh-oh.”

“Looking both important and rather scared” Heehee X-D

“‘What’s all this?’ said Frodo, feeling inclined to laugh.” Me too, Frodo!

“Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools.” OKAY SAM GO OFF LOLOL

OKAY SO at this point in the audiobook Mr. Dragash had the most BRILLIANT reading for this line:

“To the discomfiture of the Shirriffs Frodo and his companions all… [dramatic pause, then raucous laughter erupts in the background] …roared with laughter.”

I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT’S SO PERFECT AHAHAHA

He also had a great reading for this part:

The sheriff, shouting after them, insistent but nervous: “But don’t forget! I’ve arrested you!” Frodo, with the softest voice ever: “I won’t. Never. But I may forgive you.”

Sam has a friend! :-D

I mean I’m sorry that this is the way we find it out but he has!! A buddy!!

Now I’m sure “cock-robin” must have had a different meaning in Tolkien’s time…

“If I hear not allowed much oftener, I’m going to get angry.” Same, Sam.

Eeeew the table hasn’t been scrubbed for WEEKS?? I can only imagine it looking like the underside of a restaurant table, months-old crusty chewing gum stuck on it and all. Blergh 🤮

LOLOL “They would have started earlier, only the delay so plainly annoyed the sheriff-leader”

Our four hobbits have come back from their adventure so delightfully full of SassTM

My word, if I keep pointing out every funny thing that happens here I’ll be writing down the whole chapter. Look at the hobbits hustling the sheriffs who were supposed to be “arresting” them!

NOW WHO’S ARRESTED WHO INDEED 🤣🤣

For someone who’s supposed to be arrested, it sure looks like Merry is the one who’s in charge :-3

And all the sheriffs like “WE GIVE UP” and the hobbits like “okay :-D”

ROBIN WAS ONE OF THE SHERIFFS THAT THEY WERE MESSING WITH OH NO 🤣🤣

“We shall break a good many things yet, and not ask you to answer. Good luck to you!” OKAY PIPPIN GO OFF

(......This is getting very long so I’m gonna put the rest under a read-more)

Nooooo look what they’ve done to Hobbiton D-8

This whole conversation is so tense. I find myself wanting to cheer on the hobbits’ comebacks, but the ruffian here always gets the upper hand in the next line…

DON’T SNAP YOUR FINGERS IN FRODO’S FACE!! Heckin’ RUDE! Only the Sackville-Bagginses have ever done that, and that’s BEFORE Frodo saved the world! D-:<

HECK YES, PIPPIN!! TELL ‘EM!!

“Down on your knees in the road and ask pardon, or I will set this troll’s bane in you!” >8-D Friendly reminder that Pippin stabbed a troll in the gut to sAVE BEREGOND— *is slapped*

The fact that Pippin, Merry and Sam immediately jump to Frodo’s defense, but Frodo does not. That says so much about their friendship, and about Frodo, and how they all see themselves and their roles in this story…and it’s so sad that Frodo hangs back, not even willing to defend himself…

But also how bad*ss is that, letting your three armed friends charge to your defense while you just sit there impassively?? It’s like the “cool guys don’t look at explosions” trope.

Pippin has exactly the childish drive for revenge that you’d think he would, but Frodo sees the reality of the situation and knows Lotho has been played as a puppet and is now a prisoner to his own schemes. Good stuff.

Frodo: “Violence isn’t the answer.” Merry: “You’re right. It’s the question, and the answer is yes.”

MERRY’S SPEECH HERE YESSSS

(The way the music swelled here in Dragash’s audiobook was so good ahahaha)

“Come on! I am going to blow the horn of Rohan, and give them all some music they have never heard before.”

OH.

HECK.

YEEEEAAAHHH!!!!!!! >8-D

(And this was the part of the audiobook where I grinned like an idiot and clapped my hands and bounced a little in my seat and probably confused the guy in the seat next to me LOLOL)

Sam HIMSELF wants to turn back for the horn call!! And so does Bill! Aaaaahhh!!

AWAKE! AWAKE! FEAR, FIRE, FOES! AWAKE!!

This was so well foreshadowed by the Ringwraiths in Buckland at the beginning of the book I cannot bELIEVE—!!

TOLKIEN YOU GENIUS

(Writer Brain is just buzzing with this right now, sorry, LOL)

“And your face is no worse than it was, Sam.” Is Farmer Cotton calling Sam ugly?? 🤣🤣 He’s roasting his future son-in-law LOLOL I love him already

Even Farmer Cotton ships Sam and Rosie ROFL

Rosie just asked why you left Mister Frodo! What do you do??

>Tell her you love her

>Run away

Sam ran away! (What a mood)

I love that they built the fire just for fun and because it’s against the rules, LOL! A fire is exactly the thing that would cheer me up too!!

I assume Robin was one of the sheriffs that took off his feather and joined in the revolt :-D

Merry like, “See, Frodo?? Violence!!”

“Good for the Tooks!” HECK YEAH

“I’ll bring you an army of Tooks in the morning!” HECK YEAH!!

It’s so sweet of Frodo to be like “I still don’t want anyone to die” but also still turning the logistics over to Merry’ cause he’s The Plan Guy

What have I said all along?? Merry is the Smart One :-D

FARMER COTTON JUST SITTING BY THE FIRE

WAITING FOR THEM TO COME

Okay Sam’s father-in-law is heckin’ BAD*SS I LOVE HIM

This is literally “put down your weapons, I’ve got a sniper with a bead on you”

“He aimed a savage blow at Merry who stood in his way. He fell dead with four arrows in him.” YOOOOOOOOO!!

I like to think Merry didn’t even flinch. Just like…watched him keel over dead. HECK.

I love how bad*ss all the hobbits get to be in this chapter ahahaha

Aaaaand all the others give up. Nice >:-D

Aww, Farmer Cotton and the Gaffer are friends! And Cotton would have housed the Gaffer himself if he could have!! I love how sweet they all are to each other ^-^

HA! Okay, Lobelia, that’s pretty cool, I admit. Maybe you’re all right after all. ;-P

The Gaffer just telling Frodo off for leaving 🤣🤣 And Frodo politely apologizing!! Because even though the Gaffer’s problems are small in comparison to everything else happening in the world, they’re still important! I’m love

AAAAAHHHHH FRODO GASSING UP SAM IN FRONT OF HIS DAD AND ROSIE AND EVERYBODY 8-D 8-D 8-D

This is so stinkin’ cute. Lookit my silver-tongued Baggins using his Words of Affirmation again! It’s the least he can do to repay Sam for all he’s done, but I think it’s the thing that means the most to Sam.

Frodo: “Indeed, if you will believe it, he’s now one of the most famous people in all the lands, and they are making songs about his deeds from here to the Sea and beyond the Great River!” Sam: 😳😅☺️ Rosie: 😲😍🥰 The Gaffer: “Sounds fake but okay”

THE TOOKS ARE HEREEEEE

I frickin’ love the “lure them into a trap and surround them with hobbits” tactic. You never think hobbits can be scary until there are A LOT OF THEM VERY SUDDENLY

I also think this is a fun use of the hobbits’ canonical superpower of staying hidden in plain sight.

HECK YEAHHHHH MERRY LET’S GO

Seventy ruffians dead, and only nineteen hobbits on the other. As casualties go, that’s not bad! Sad that any hobbits died at all, of course, but it’s a relatively clean victory.

Also the book gets Very Historical for a moment and I think that’s Very Funny

Heck yeah Cottons!

HECK YEAH MERRY AND PIPPIN!!

And Frodo does his part by protecting the ruffians who surrendered! The pacifist has a role to play. :-D

Noooo, look what they’ve done to Bag End!! D-8

NOOOOOO THE PARTY TREEEEE 😭😭😭

ME TOO, SAM, UWAAAAAHHH—

(Ted Sandyman accidentally foreshadowing Sam going over the Sea??)

Frodo is very right. If more hobbits are like Ted, the Shire is in real trouble. Worse is the enemy within than the enemy from without. :-/

“Save your breath! I’ve a better.” HAHAHA YES MERRY LET’S GO

Oh but look what they’ve done to Bag Endddd 😭😭😭

“Yes, this is Mordor.” Thanks, I hate it :-C

“If I had known all the mischief he had caused, I should have stuffed my pouch down Saruman’s throat.” Dude Merry sounded so angry in Phil Dragash’s audiobook here. (Also can’t believe that Merry’s bag has become the running joke that it is LOLOL)

>8-O >8-O >8-O SARUMAN!!

Saruman: “Ah, yes, they called me Sharkey in Isengard! A sign of affection, possibly.” Tolkien, in a footnote: “It was not, in fact, a sign of affection.”

I….do not like….how Saruman casts such aspersions on Gandalf. Nor how his accusations almost seem to have some merit at the moment. “When his tools have done their task he drops them.” That is dangerously close to accurate, or at the moment it feels like it is. Gandalf did leave them, even knowing that things were going wrong in the Shire…

But at the same time, it’s not Gandalf’s job to fix everything himself! The hobbits got to participate in the saving of their world, and they got the honor and the renown and the incredible experiences and the personal growth that comes along with it. Same thing here; they get the opportunity to be the heroes and save their own home. It isn’t easy, but it is good, and it has its own rewards.

“Well, if that’s what you find pleasure in, I pity you.” Frodo couldn’t be more right. Anyone who takes pleasure and comfort in the pain and misery of others is a pitiable person.

Frodo still refuses to kill. His home was defiled…his last comfort stolen…and his honor insulted to his face…and he still refuses to kill Saruman. Holy cow that takes some major strength of character. What an absolute chad.

YO WHAT

SARUMAN TRIED TO STAB FRODO

(And Sam leads the charge to avenge Frodo because Of Course He Does)

AND FRODO STILL WILL NOT KILL

THE ABSOLUTELY CHADDERY OF THIS HOBBIT

Talk about heaping coals on your enemy’s head, bruh. Even Saruman has to respect it.

And Frodo extending the olive branch to Wormtongue. Truly the G.O.A.T.

>8-O

EYOOOO??

WORMTONGUE KILLED LOTHO??

AND MAYBE A T E HIM????

Holy COW this got dark 0_o

(Also Dragash made Wormtongue sound absolutely miserable on that “you told me to; you made me do it”)

Aaaand Saruman is dead

And Wormtongue is dead

Something something Saruman’s spirit looking to the West, from which he came, and where he can never return again, and then being blown away to nothingness…

It really is the saddest thing that the end of the war happens at the door of Bag End. Nowhere is safe. The movies have the hobbits return to an unchanged Shire, realizing that they’re the ones who’ve been changed by their experiences, and they’ll never be able to see home the same way again (which is, I think, analogous to the experience of American Vietnam vets)…..but here in the book, the war comes home, marring the very land that our heroes set out to protect, which is what Tolkien experienced at the end of the Great War. They’re different kinds of tragedy, and they both hurt, but I think this one is just an edge more bitter.

…..Anyway, I loved this chapter! It ends with on a downer note, but the rest of it was a lot of fun. X-P