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survey--s · 2 years ago

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512.

Ever been to a bonfire party? No, they weren’t really a thing where I grew up. We’ve had a few beach bonfires since moving here though.

Have you ever been in a lighthouse? Yeah, a few times.

What do you enjoy most about your life? The people in it.

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? No. I mean, we’ve argued a few times and probably said some not-so-ideal things to each other but IMO that’s just part of being in a long-term relationship.

How many people with the name Taylor do you know? Nobody.

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Not especially, no. It’s nothing to do with anyone else.

Have you ever stripped for someone? No.

Have you ever wanted to believe in something, but couldn’t? Yeah, I’m sure.

Do you know how old your dad is? He’ll be 69 next month.

Were you sad that Panic! at the Disco broke up? I didn’t even know they had broken up, lol.

Did you cry when you watched The Notebook? I’ve never seen it. Films like that honestly have absolutely no appeal to me.

Have you ever attempted to beat box? Haha, no.

When was the last time you saw your “first love”? Years ago. I couldn’t tell you when.

Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My dad is incredibly intelligent, almost to the point that it’s isolating.

You can’t feel pain for an entire day. What would you do? Get a tattoo and a bunch of piercings lol.

Who makes you the happiest? There isn’t one specific person.

Do you think that deep down, everyone is good at heart? No, unfortunately I think that’s just a bit of a fantasy.

How many people have you kissed? I have no idea.

How many of those people are you still friends with? I’m in touch with a few on Facebook but I wouldn’t say we were friends.

Where did you go, the last time you left your house? To go and feed Monty.

Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? I’ve never seen it.

Say something nice about someone you really don’t care for: Meh, I don’t really spend any time with people I don’t care for lol.

Would you say that you’re popular? Hahah no.

Would you say that you’ve been in love with someone? Yes.

What do you consider to be the most profound of emotions? I really don’t know - I guess it would depend on the person.

What brand of deodorant do you wear? Nivea.

Do you believe that love isn’t right for everyone? Sure, not everyone has any interest in romance.

If you could only love one person, would you choose yourself? Probably.

What’re your brothers/sisters like? If you don’t have any, do you wish you did? I don’t have any and honestly as an adult, I’m quite glad about it. Everyone I know as an adult with siblings has loads of drama in their lives as a result.

Do you consider pets family? Of course they’re family.

Have you lost a family member recently? No.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? If so, who? I mean, nobody can answer this question with any kind of certainty. Nobody knows how they’d reaction in a situation where their life was in danger.

What job does your significant other have? He’s plaster/tiler.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A beagle. I’m not really a fan of massive dogs - they’re just not the pets for me.

How long has it been since you moved out of the house you grew up in? Uh, about 12 years.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? I can’t remember the last time I had leftovers, actually.

What is your favorite board that you've made on Pinterest? I don’t use Pinterest.

What is your favorite apple-flavored treat? Apple crumble with custard. It’s one of my favourite winter desserts.

Have you ever met anyone named Eden? No.

What is your favorite type of tree? Cherry blossoms and weeping willows.

Have you ever had a spaniel for a pet? No. I love spaniels but I’m not sure I could cope with their energy levels, haha.

Do you any of your family members have birthdays on a holiday, and if so, which one(s)? No.

Which medication(s) do you feel have helped you the most, and why? Sertaline pretty much saved my life, the same with propanolol. Tranexamic acid also makes my life a lot easier than it used to be.

Is your current doctor a male or female? I don’t have one - I just see whoever’s available, normally a female though.

What type of soda do you drink most regularly? Pepsi Max.

Do you like the band Seether? They’re okay.

Do you have asthma? No.

Have you ever performed on stage? What did you do? Yeah - in various school plays/musicals, ballet shows and also poetry readings.

What is your favorite video game? I don’t really play many video games, I just like basic mobile games really.

What’s your screen name? I don’t have one specific screen name.

When did you graduate from high school? 2007.

Are you planning to have a family? When? No. I have zero desire to have children. It’s weird as I used to be SO broody and now I’m just insanely grateful that I never went through with it lol.

What is the one thing people say about you the most? That I’m good with animals.

What have you done that you’re particularly proud of? Set up my own successful business without any help from anyone else.

How many televisions do you have in your house? Three.

Do you use your hand when you speak? Sometimes, it depends on the situation.

What is your dream car? I love Mini’s but with my job, I’m not going to have one anytime soon lol.

Have you lived around here long? I’ve lived in this house for about five years now.

What do you do to pull yourself out of a bad mood? Take a bath/shower, have a nap, take the dog for a walk.

Why do girls follow each other to the restroom? Someone to talk to.

Who do you talk to most on the phone? My mum is the only person I ever really speak to on the phone lol.

Are you pregnant? Definitely not.

Do you like poetry? Write poetry? I like reading poetry but I’m not very good at actually writing it.

Do you know anyone who has any STDs? I mean, not to my knowledge but it’s not really something people tend to talk about lol.

Have you ever taken a shower with someone that is not a family member? Yeah.

Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? I mean, not while we were together but they weren’t virgins when we met.

#survey #surveys

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 4 years ago

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I’m sorry, but can I just go on a little rant about the Louis, clouis, and the Clem comic...?

I didn’t really talk about Louis in my overall review of the comic because I wanted that to be more contained to the content shown on the pages, Clementine’s relationship with AJ, and her as a character.... but the more I think about these comics and Louis, the more frustrated I become thinking about what Clementine abandoning everyone would do to him.

[... okay it’s not little anymore since I guess I can never just do anything simple when it comes to Louis, sorry my bad]

So, no surprise, we all know the comic’s bullshit by now. Clementine leaving everything and everyone behind because she’s not happy is dumb, AJ just letting her go is dumb, and Clem going to the mountains on crutches and a peg leg to find this so-called happiness is dumb.

Now that we’ve established it’s dumb, I wanna talk about Louis because I got a lot of built up feelings about how bullshit this storyline is with how Clementine would not only abandon AJ, but also abandon Louis.

Because let me tell you..... his heart would be broken beyond repair and I need to talk about why.

Sigh.... so.... muh boy.

Before he met Clementine, Louis was this laidback, irresponsible, but caring and musical person who kept his head down to avoid conflict and never looked at the future. He was the kind of person who took things one day at a time, saw survival as a day-to-day task, and said that the future doesn’t exist, there’s only today. You get the point, he was never too concerned with things because they always seemed to work out, and if they didn’t, then that sucks and that’s why we should appreciate every day while we have it.

Louis is shown to be charismatic and friendly, he spends his free time playing piano and card games, but no one really takes him seriously. Not even Marlon, his best friend for 8+ years. While he doesn’t seem to be on bad terms with anyone [including Aasim, they just act like people who disagree with the other’s point of view and have had the same argument many times, but that doesn’t mean they hate each other, y’know?] he also doesn’t appear super close with anyone outside of Marlon and possibly Violet, but even then.

Marlon’s shown to have little faith in him with the way he talks about if Louis will even show up to hunt. He has a controlling grip on Louis that’s prominent during the confrontation scene when he uses intimidation to try to convince Louis to not interfere. Oh, and there’s the fact that Marlon’s been lying to Louis for the past year about the twins and then continued to lie to his face about what really happened to Brody... which isn’t great when you consider how Louis was the only one who had blind faith in him as a leader and, according to Marlon, was the only one who couldn’t see how pathetic he always was.

Violet, while having a few more nicer moments with him than Marlon, still invalidates him and his feelings several times throughout the first half of the game which makes me wonder how close they ever were, or at least if Violet ever considered him a close friend to begin with. And no, a small monologue in the dorms doesn’t make everything better or confirm they were brotp the whole time... especially when once they’re on the boat, Louis might as well not exist because Violet can’t be bothered to acknowledge what happened to him or inquire about how he’s doing. I guess she just didn’t have time react while standing in her cell for several unbothered minutes-- no wait, it’s she already reacted off screen. Right. Good writing is good.

What I’m getting at here is that even though Louis is surrounded by people who he genuinely cares about, there is an argument to be made that he’s a lonely person. Hell, he’s aware of his loneliness when he says that no one hears past his music and jokes. I mean, how many nights do you think he spent by himself playing the piano because no one wanted to hear it? Are they like Violet and crack jokes about how he doesn’t have actual talent? Probably, given that someone literally carved “you suck at playing” onto the side of the damn piano.

Oh, and let’s touch on that backstory of his. Louis grew up wealthy with two parents who loved him and each other, and they gave him anything he wanted except singing lessons. Louis says he wanted to be a real musician. But I guess his father didn’t like that idea and told him no, with the [as Louis puts it] dumb dad lesson of, “You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” ...which is interesting given that Louis and his family were stupid rich but also.... were they not happy? well, that doesn’t make sense because little Louis knew that if he broke up their marriage, they would be hurt.

So yeah, Louis was so upset that his father continually refused to let him take singing lessons that he broke into the man’s credit cards and faked an affair, which led to his parents divorcing... and then he spit his father’s words back in his face.

Then they dumped him at Ericson. And the walkers came.

There’s so much to unpack from the story he tells that it could be it’s own analysis, but basically.... Louis is aware of why what he did was fucked up, and he carries it with him every day.

He regrets what he did, chews himself out for being such a “vindictive fuckhead” [and the amount of force used in that line tells you a lot, like how it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself like this] and he admits that he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about. Yet, he still sees himself as bad, saying that they [I assume the staff] told him and the other kids they’re bad people. I don’t doubt that Louis internalized that which played a huge role in the confidence and self-esteem issues he has during tfs.

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but when you take that amount of guilt and regret, and mix it with the fact that they dropped him off at this school that was supposed to make him better.... then the walkers came and those teachers, staff, and headmaster? Gone. Left a bunch of kids to fend for themselves, with the exception of Ms. Martin [but given how she looks when we find her I doubt she lasted that long] and I cannot imagine how horrifying that was for all of them. The dead are up eating people, and if you die you become one of them... and the people you thought you could rely on just fucking left you to die at this school.

Every kid in that school has trauma and abandonment issues from before and after the world went to shit, every last one, and Louis isn’t the exception here. Over the years, a lot of kids died and they’ve all seen horrible shit. They all knew they were never going to see their families again, and as far as we know, no one came to get their kids at the beginning. They had to find ways of coping while trying to survive, and all they had left was each other.

Louis copes with music and games and jokes. He’s built up this persona where it seems like he’s unaffected by the comments the others make, that the death and suffering he’s gone through is in the past, that he is confident and open to those around him.

But then Clementine and AJ show up, and Louis grows close with both of them. They had immediate chemistry upon first meeting, he was the one who looked after AJ since it seems like everyone else saw him as a little terror, and he went out of his way to be kind and make them comfortable.

When they go hunting with him, Louis and Clementine have a moment after taking care of the walker where they lower their guards a bit-- Louis gives her more in-depth reasons for his views of survival, and going off her expression, it gets to her and makes her think.... but they’ve know each other a day and he’s not quick to infodump his life story or let her in, so he cuts the conversation short.

Then we have the Marlon confrontation scene that I have gone over so many times in the past. I won’t dillydally with it too long but..... Clementine appeals to Louis, who curls in on himself because of the control Marlon has on him. He wants to help, and hell, he knows this is wrong but he’s so used to not getting involved that he gets defensive.... plus, he’s known Clementine for two days, and he’s known Marlon for 8+ years.... he wants to believe Marlon but you can tell he doesn’t want this, either. It takes Clementine talking to him to give him courage to stand between her and Marlon’s gun and it’s a lot.

AJ shoots Marlon and everything goes to shit, and Louis is a goddamn mess. His best friend was murderer right in front of him, so add that to the trauma list, and he’s overwhelmed with all these feelings that again.... they keep getting invalidated by Violet because “Marlon was a liar and murderer, therefore you shouldn’t feel bad about his death. Get over yourself, Louis, you can be such a shithead sometimes.”

Oh yeah Vi, I guess he should care more about two people he’s known for a total of two days rather than for the safety of the people [including you] he’s grown up with and cared about for 8+ years.... makes sense.

So yeah, little to no support during this time. Alone again.

And just because I have to make this clear so no one gets a hair up their ass-- both Louis and Violet are wrong here. Kicking them out isn’t the solution, but neither is acting like AJ was right to commit murder just because it was Marlon.

But plots gotta plot, so they get voted out and you can see that Louis is conflicted about the whole thing. He wants them gone, but at the same time, he knows what kicking them out means. You can see it on his face that he’s not okay with kicking them out. He’s hurting when he’s there in the dorms telling them how the vote went... he literally doesn’t know what else to do. He just knows that everything hurts, Clem and AJ caused it, and he wants the pain to stop. He even tries to justify it to himself by figuring that they’ve done this before so they’ll be fine. Not a great thing to say, Lou.

Anyway, we know the story, Clem and AJ come back and Louis once again sees the consequences of acting out of pain.... AJ is shot because Louis was hurt and he made a bad decision that he’s gotta live with.... something that he’s done before, and this affirms to him that he’s bad. He wishes he could take it back, and goes as far as to admit that to Clementine during the archery scene.

By the way, credit to him for his apology to her. It’s rare in these games that Clem gets a genuine apology from someone who hurt her and doesn’t turn around to repeat the hurtful behavior, y’know? Plus, I can think of plenty of characters who owed Clem an apology in the past or if they did apologize, it was half-assed.

You can feel how conflicted he is with this whole thing-- learning who Marlon really was and what he did, feeling something for Clementine before everything went down and not knowing how to handle those feelings afterward, caring about AJ and understanding why he thought shooting was the best choice but still hurting that his friend is dead....

And the thing is.... Louis forgives her for so much, as she does him, and through all of that bullshit, they manage to develop that strong connection that turns romantic. Louis lets himself be fully vulnerable with her and is honest about his feelings, how she listened when no one else did and seeing him for more than just the persona he put on.

This works on Clementine’s side, too. Clementine has been through her own fair share of bullshit-- trauma, abandonment, loss, injury, you name it. She’s made mistakes, done terrible things, and has been in enough groups to know that romance usually ends in heartbreak.... and yet, she’s willing to open herself up to Louis and admit she feels a lot for him.

Is it a little rushed? Yep. Could it have been handled better? Of course, most things this season could’ve, but what we got was pretty good.

So Clementine and Louis are romantically involved now, the raiders attack, and she saves him... and boy does Louis feel guilty about that one, too. He feels bad enough that he questions why she would pick him because he can’t fathom his life being worth saving over another’s. He doesn’t see himself as useful, and even though Clementine is literally his girlfriend at this point, his self-esteem is so all over the place that he can’t understand why she would have him at her side.

And when Clementine tells him that he’s too important to her, he’s too baffled to even give a response. He looks at her in disbelief like he wasn’t expecting her to say that. But this shows that at the beginning of their relationship, he still doubts himself, and through her working with him, he begins to build up that strength in himself.

He becomes brave enough to share what got him sent to the school with her, and he plays Don’t Be Afraid for everyone at the party and like.... for once, everyone is listening to him. Really listening to him. They’re not talking shit about his musical skills, they’re not ignoring him or the feelings he’s putting into the song, they’re sitting there with him and I just..... if you watch him, you can see that his eyes get pretty glossy throughout the song. The moment meant something to everyone.

There’s also the fact that Clementine asked him to come with her and AJ onto the boat, and to be the one in charge of the bomb... that’s a huge responsibly and he feels the pressure of that. He starts to panic a bit about if he can do it, because what if he fucks up? What if he gets them caught and makes everything worse? What if something happens to Clementine and he can’t do anything about it?

She’s there to reassure him that she believes in him, and that he can do this. They’re going to get everyone back, and he needs to focus... then he asks her to slap him which why would you? that’s dumb, so Clementine smooches him instead and like.... he physically relaxes into her because he’s comfortable and trusts her in this situation.

Also, he loves her and cares about this mission enough to cover himself and his fancy jacket in walker guts.... sure, he complains while doing so but how else is he gonna cope with rubbing rotten guts on himself to blend in with a herd of walkers?

Skipping ahead so that we’re not here all day, I wanna talk about the walk back to the school because it’s one of the most important clouis moments in the game and a huge reason that solidifies why the comic is bullshit.

Louis went off on his own to go out and find them. He didn’t know where they would be, he just knew that he had to go out and find them after making sure everyone was okay back at the school because he couldn’t bare the thought that he had lost them. And the way the AJ gets so excited to see him? and the group hug??

At this point, Louis has grown so much as a character. With Clementine by his side to support him, he’s grown stronger and more reliable. Remember how he never thought about the future? Well, now he is because his relationship with Clementine has given him a reason to long for a future. He talks about building this imaginary house with her, one he knows they can’t physically build... but it’s his way of saying we can build a home together, that he wants a future with her and AJ and everyone else. It’s such a personal conversation that flows so easy between them. Louis is more comfortable talking to her about things from his past, which is something he didn’t want to do back in ep1.

He confides in her how he’s feeling after he shot and killed Dorian, he tells her that having a home means protecting it and I just.... it’s so good, okay? And from Clementine’s side, you can feel how at ease she is with him, too. Just the way she smiles at him as they’re walking? like he’s the cutest thing and she’s so happy to have him with her?

But then we gotta deal with Minerva’s crazy ass on the bridge and well, AJ shoots Tenn and Louis is having flashbacks to Marlon and it’s not great. That’s a whole thing, and he ends up separated from them while escaping.

We don’t get to see Louis’ reaction to Clementine getting bit and losing her leg since I guess that puts a damper on the overly happy ending. But, going off of what we know about him and what I’ve explained [which isn’t even all of it, this isn’t a full Louis character analysis. if it was, it would be much longer and in multiple parts... believe it or not, I’m trying to not make this too long and only sorta failing...] we can get an idea of how he would react.

Um, to say he was upset is an understatement.

Because remember, he had no time to think and climbed over the fence, thinking he could get them to climb over and they could get away, but it didn’t work. He ended up leaving them in order to save himself since walkers were closing in on him.

But you know that he’d blame himself for the bite. A lot of, “if I had just stayed” and “I should’ve climbed back over, I should’ve stayed with you.” I’m sure there were points where it looked like Clem wouldn’t make it and I can’t imagine how much hurt he went through watching her suffer and heal from losing a leg like that.

Not only that, but knowing that AJ was the one to do it? And him thinking about what Clem’s death would do to AJ after all this? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Louis would take care of AJ if she died. He cares about AJ, and he loves Clementine, so he be there for both of them, even if he’s still hurting from Tenn’s death.

However, Clementine didn’t die. She survived the bite and amputation, and when we flashforward, she and Louis are still happily together. Louis is right there next to her at dinner, and he’s the one to help her with her crutches. He’s there to go over future plans to meet the traveling caravan, and Clementine wants him to be the one to go.

Oh, and Louis once again forgives AJ for shooting Tenn, claiming that he understands that AJ saw something that he couldn’t. Like with Marlon, he’s not happy Tenn’s dead but he can see why AJ did it to save his life.

I just..... happy ending. Clementine and Louis are together and she’s truly happy to have found a home for her and AJ with him at Ericson.

....But then the comic thought it would be fun to say “nah.”

The comic isn’t canon, I’m still insulted that it would ever consider itself as such, but even so I can’t help but feel so frustrated about how this would destroy Louis.

He finally found someone he would consider his best friend, not just his girlfriend. She saw past that funny man persona and he trusted her enough to let her past this wall he built around himself. He let himself become vulnerable around her, he named his song after her. Their initials are carved into his piano with a heart surrounding them. He loved her.

Clementine left him feeling loved, something he probably hasn’t truly felt since he was a little boy with his parents before their divorce. She loved him even after hearing his past because she knew that wasn’t him anymore, and she helped him build the confidence he needed to step up. Because of Clementine, Louis wants to enjoy every day while also looking at the future. He isn’t lonely anymore, he has her and AJ. He’s truly happy.

So to tell me that Louis would wake up one morning only to have AJ tell him that Clementine’s gone, she’ been planning an escape without telling anyone because she wasn’t happy...? I’m sorry, but if you think that wouldn’t leave Louis absolutely devastated, then you know nothing about him as a character.

This idea is just.... look, Louis is perceptive. That’s a big part of his character, he’s perceptive of those around him. If Clementine was showing signs of being unhappy or depression, he would see it. He would notice a change. He would be able to tell if something was off, and he would ask her about it. Louis is the type of person to ask you what you need. What can he do to help? What do you need to feel better? And if you don’t know, it’s okay, he’ll help you figure it out in any way possible.

Plus, the comic suggests that there are times where she went off on her own but came back [probably doing her escape prep ugh] and you expect me to believe that Louis wouldn’t notice that or wonder what she’s doing? Wouldn’t sense that something’s going on?

After she’s gone, he’s going to blame himself for not being enough. He couldn’t make her happy and he was a fool to think he ever could. AJ lost the only family he’s known since he was born because Louis couldn’t help her, couldn’t do anything to stop her from leaving.

And for him to realize that she didn’t love him? Clementine, the girl he thought the world of because of how strong and confident and in-charge she was, because she saw him for who he was..... she left him, abandoned him... and she couldn’t even be bothered with a goodbye.... that says that she didn’t care all that much about him in the end.

You KNOW that he would think he had this coming, too. How could the universe allow him to fall in love and be happy with someone who loved him back after what he did to his parents? He would feel so heartbroken that he would see this as some sort of karma for breaking up his parents happy marriage as a kid years before he ever met Clementine and before the apocalypse.

I fucking can’t.... I don’t have the words to fully explain how much I hate this. Louis wouldn’t be okay afterward, and I doubt he’d ever fully recover. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned before that Louis would stop playing piano. How could he sit there and play when I he can see is their initials and remember the night she confessed to him? When he named his song after her? Clementine left and took the music with her because Louis wouldn’t have it in him... something that he used to cope would be ruined and that’s just.... it’s fucking awful.

Not only that, but now he has AJ who I assume is hurting just as much [though the comics inaccurately assume he would just let Clem go sooo... yeah] and he would be the only one Louis would really talk to about it, but then again.... what if AJ doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if AJ starts to act out and things just become terrible and Louis is just too overwhelmed?

I just.... UGH. That’s how I feel. UGH.

Clementine from the comic? Not her. She would never fucking do this to Louis, AJ, or anyone else at Ericson, and you would know that if you played the tfs.

Sigh.... sorry, I just needed to get this all out. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Clem leaving would affect Louis and I’ve gotten some asks/come across some posts about Louis that have left me incredibly annoyed.... well, I was annoyed before because of the comics, so my annoyances with those things were only heightened. So yeah... I wanted to talk about Louis’ character in hopes of explaining why he would be so hurt if this comic was canon.

Which it’s not. So it’s fine.

How are we all feelin’ at this point, by the way? I know I’m not the only one still annoyed with the comic, so I hope y’all are doin’ okay. Hope you’re stayin’ chill and thinking about your faves to help cope with this mess hahaha

#twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg clouis #twdg aj #twdg marlon #twdg violet #clouis #twdg #sometimes i just need to talk about louis okay #one day i'll do a full character analysis that goes over everything #but today isn't that day #long post

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river-of-wine · 3 years ago

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You know. I’ve never properly been able to articulate how the Baker family makes me feel in my art, so I’m just gonna type it down here because my Madhouse playthrough has gotten me all emotional over them again and they deserve to be talked about just as much as the lords, because they are also Mother Miranda’s victims wether she knew of their existence or not, and wether she bothered to care if she did.

This is mostly about Jack and Marguerite with some Zoe in there for flavour.

We don’t get to see a lot of Jack and Marguerite before he infection (even infected, actually, they’re only in one scene together but that isn’t really them) but what we do tells us a lot. In the Daughters DLC, they’re in a far more stressful situation that you would guess by how they’re acting. Jack has found two unconscious people in a massive shipwreck, one of which is what he believes to be a little girl, and they have that to worry about on top of the storm that has already wrecked part of their property. But Jack and Marguerite manage to keep the mood light. They know how to make each other smile, they know what jokes to tell when the time is right, they had that whole bed and breakfast plan. They’re genuinely such a sweet couple for the small amount of time we do get to see if them, and it’s very intentional that their first REAL scene together as themselves in the Daughters DLC is just them being a sweet ,arrived couple. That’s who they were.

Marguerite was the first to go (and the first to later die, interestingly enough) and Zoe finds her first after the power outage. Marguerite attacks her daughter and Jack intervenes, but even still he’s not hurting her. He could, and he could have been entirely justified in doing so, but all he does is try to hold Marguerite back and tell Zoe to get rope to presumably tie Marguerite up. Jack is a strong guy as we all know, a single stomp from him would’ve ended the game then and there if the mould hadn’t picked up where Ethan left off. Marguerite isn’t as strong as he is even after being infected, her thing isn’t brute strength as much as it is Give Birth To Bug Baby Bodyguards, so he could’ve knocked Marguerite out or caused some kind of physical harm to her to keep her under control. He didn’t, though, and I’m guessing by his line after Zoe leaves the room (“don’t you make me do something I’ll regret”) that he didn’t even try to. The madwoman with the centipede flailing out of her mouth is still his wife. Jack never wanted to hurt his family.

This is the last we and Zoe ever see of Jack before the infection with the exception of the free my family scene with him and Ethan near the end of the main game, but we do hear him resisting. While Zoe is running from him in the Daughters DLC, he’s talking to Eveline with lines like “shut up, you ain’t real!” and laughter that eventually devolves into crying. I’d argue that there’s evidence of this in the main game too. Jack has some interesting voice lines to say the least, but one of them is him telling someone to shut up through grit teeth. Ethan stays impressively silent through the chase sequences with Jack aside from his breathing, so Jack isn’t talking to him. They are the only two people in the main house, so the only other conclusion I can personally draw is that he is talking to Eveline.

Marguerite doesn’t get to make an appearance alongside her husband when he asks Ethan to free his family because she is fully dead, unlike the rest of her family who are either saved (yay Zoe!) or killed off for good in the DLCs. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have her own heart wrenching cutscene though! In the Daughters DLC, Marguerite will stop Zoe to give her the key and apologise, saying that she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her and begging Zoe to go as she desperately fights for control. During this interaction, Marguerite strains to tell Eveline “don’t touch her, don’t hurt my family!”

Anyway, moving in from summaries, it’s made pretty clear from these interactions that Jack and Marguerite remember what they do under Eveline’s control. They are fully conscious but unable to do anything about it. Jack actually explains this in his cutscene with Ethan, and the idea of them being entirely aware of what they’re doing but unable to stop it is just so much worse.

Jack remembers drowning Marguerite, he remembers hunting down his daughter, he remembers cutting his son’s arm off, he remembers killing Ethan.

Marguerite remembers attacking Zoe and violently threatening her in the old house, she remembers infecting Jack, she remembers kidnapping Mia.

They both remember every victim, every moulded, every murder. They couldn’t do anything to stop it, but they remember every second.

The Lord’s were victims and they were prisoners, but they had some semblance of free will. Alcina in particular really revels in how violent she can be, going through maidens like the livestock she keeps them as and delighting in how much she knows she can hurt Ethan. Donna and Moreau are exceptions here (Donna especially, Moreau will kill to impress Mother Miranda and doesn’t seem too guilty about his own Cadou experiments though I doubt he fully understood what he was doing) but Heisenberg and Alcina are really just left to their own devices until the ceremony is brought into things.

The Bakers are different. They were never supposed to be a part of this. They were just a family trying to help a little girl. Their kindness is what killed them.

I’d also like to bring up how much pain they must have been in physically as well as emotionally. Jack sounds like he’s in agony during his mutated boss battle, struggling with all of his lines and crying out for his wife. I’ll re,mid you that by now Eveline has entirely abandoned him and Marguerite as her parental figures in exchange for Mia and Ethan, since Mia is her favourite anyway and now she has a father figure to go along with him. Jack is in this weird in between state where he’s not being controlled but he’s too far gone to the infection to ever regain who he was, so his sobbing for Marguerite and his family is very real emotion slipping through.

I know it’s funny to laugh at the bug pussy jokes, I make them too, but I want to take a moment to just think about that. Marguerite’s womb is tearing through her body. Insects are crawling out of her throat and through her raw flesh. Her limbs grow to unnatural lengths. Her womb is a big hive. It’s ripping through her body. The agony that poor woman must have been in, and sounds like she is in during her boss battle, is hard to consider when she’s taking bites out of you and laying bug hives left and right, but it’s heartbreaking when you do take time to consider it.

And Zoe, the unsung hero of Resident Evil 7, had to sit back and watch it all happen. She had to watch her family slip into madness without her being able to do anything and she coped by refusing to acknowledge them as still being her family at all. It’s Joe who has to remind her that they were still her family and that they did love her deep down in their true hearts in the End of Zoe DLC when she’s finally escaped the property. Zoe is stronger than I think most of us give her credit for, she shouldn’t just be looked at as the bad ending girl because she is honestly so much more than that.

I just love the Baker family, they really deserved better.

#resident evil #resident evil 7 #resident evil biohazard #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #re7 #re biohazard #re8 #re village #jack baker #marguerite baker #ethan winters #zoe baker #I’ve been a fan of this game since it first came out so I’ve been thinking about this for a while

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hockeylvr59 · 4 years ago

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Collide Part 2 || Sidney Crosby

Summary: Life as a single foster mom and a pediatrician didn’t leave much time for dating. But when Dr. Erin Lancaster becomes the pediatrician for Pittsburgh Penguins Defenseman Brian Dumoulin's baby boy, her association and quick friendship with his wife Kayla turns her crazy but quiet life upside down.

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Apparently my brain is just on a Sid kick lately. First a blurb update, now this one. Let me know what you think.

Warnings: alcohol consumption Word Count: 2,001

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The weeks leading up to the holiday season were usually some of the best as a foster mom. The kids that I called my own, even temporarily, generally didn’t have a great experience with family holidays in the past and it was always exciting to teach them the magic of the season. The joy of watching the Macy’s parade and then football before having a big meal, going looking at Christmas lights, and everything else that filled the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This year though, this year was tough. A few weeks ago, just days after my trip to the hospital, the seven year old I was fostering was moved to another placement. More biological siblings had popped up in the system and taking them would have placed me over my permitted limit. So instead, the rambunctious boy I was finally starting to make strides with was moved so that he could be with siblings he had never met, all because of the preference of keeping siblings together. A week later, my five year old was transferred back into the care of his mother who had successfully completed a rehabilitation program. I wasn’t sure the woman could be trusted but the court had decided she was fit enough to regain custody and there was nothing I could do about it.

Finally, yesterday, my newborn had been deemed stable enough to be placed with a paternal grandmother now that he was completely off the drugs. I had done my limited job of making sure that he got elevated care and now he was in the placement I knew he’d end up in all along.

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and for the first time in a long time I didn’t have any kids under my roof. Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have any kids placed with me, it had been that long. Yesterday, it had been easy enough to ignore, I went into the office to catch up on paperwork, I picked up dry cleaning and went grocery shopping before drinking half a bottle of wine and falling into bed exhausted.

Today though, things were quiet and now that the world had stilled around me, my normally thick exterior cracked and I found myself sobbing steadily. I loved being a foster mom, I really did, but it was heartbreaking to know that these kids would never be mine for one reason or another. That while most days my house was full of laughter and as much love as these kids could manage, days like today would always be waiting at the end of it all.

While drowning my sorrows with a pint of ice cream I definitely didn’t need to be eating at 11am, my phone buzzed beside me with a message from Kayla Dumoulin. She had texted more than once over the past few weeks with worries such as whether Brayden’s cord was healing normally and whether she could cut his nails because he didn’t like the mittens but she didn’t want him to cut himself. Through our text conversations she had learned of my rapidly emptying house and her message this morning was just to check in and see how I was doing.

She was such a sweetheart and I replied with a shrug emoji declaring that if sobbing over a pint of ice cream at 11am was normal then I was doing just fine. The phone rang a moment later and I sighed seeing her name pop up because the message wasn’t intended to make her feel guilty or anything, it was just genuine honesty. Still, I answered the phone, setting the pint of ice cream aside for a moment.

“It sounds like you need some baby cuddles.” Kayla stated, the sound of soft chatter coming through the line. “Why don’t you come over. Brayden wouldn’t mind seeing his favorite doctor.” She suggested.

“That’s sweet but I’ll be okay.” I assured her. “I don’t want to impose. I’m sure I can find something to do.”

“You’re not imposing.” Kayla insisted. “Me texting you at 2am with a breastfeeding question was imposing.” Her voice was teasing and I sighed softly remembering being up with my own newborn when she had a question about hers since Brian was on the road.

“Seriously.” She continued. “Come over, snuggle Brayden, and give my husband a second opinion on this bottle of wine he just got since I can’t drink.” She suggested. Sensing that she truly meant it, I sighed and agreed reluctantly telling her to send me the address.

____

45 minutes later, I had cleaned myself up so it didn’t look like I had spent the last few hours sobbing. After putting on some light makeup, I had thrown on some black jeans, a striped long sleeve tee, and a tan pullover before deeming myself decent enough to head out.

Plugging the address in my phone’s gps, I drove over to Kayla and Brian’s neighborhood, parking down on the street in front of their house. It didn’t even register that there were approximately a half dozen cars spread between the driveway and the street already as I made my way up to the front door.

Kayla greeted me after just a minute and I gently teased that if I didn’t know better I wouldn’t believe she just had a baby as she let me inside. That made her smile, and as she guided me to the kitchen for a glass of wine I realized that there was a significant amount of noise coming from the living room. It wasn’t until she was murmuring for me to make myself comfortable that I realized the living room was occupied by almost a dozen Penguins players, football pregame on tv.

“Alright Muzz, you can give my baby back now.” Kayla declared half-joking, half-serious. As soon as the goalie handed the baby over, Kayla was crossing the room back to me and handing off the little boy who just snuggled into my chest as soon as he was placed there. “There...baby snuggles.” She murmured.

“Thanks.” I whispered, resting a hand over the infant’s back before taking a sip of wine feeling slightly uncomfortable as eyes slowly landed on me.

“Hey doc.” Brian greeted appearing from somewhere else in the house. “Let me know what you think of that wine, not sure if this brand is a keeper or not.” He stated simply portraying the feeling that I wasn’t at all anywhere I didn’t belong and that this was a normal occurrence. Nodding I promised to do so before just focusing back on the baby in my arms. The physician portion of my brain noted that he was doing well and had certainly been growing while the rest of me just found myself relaxing at the feeling of a baby’s steady breaths.

Most of the guys paid me no mind as the game started. Yet I felt one pair of eyes linger. As I stepped outside after handing Brayden off to feed just before halftime, a four legged companion joined me and I chuckled petting the Dumoulin’s dog Roo while sitting on the steps of their patio nursing my second glass of wine.

The patio door slid open and then shut before a body slid down next to me on the steps.

“So where are your foster kids?” A familiar voice asked and glancing over my eyes met those of the Penguins Captain.

“With another foster family, with their mother, and with their paternal grandmother.” I whispered, quickly taking another sip of the wine to try and push back another round of tears. “The sucky thing about being a foster mom is they always go away in the end.”

“I...I didn’t know.” Sid mumbled after a moment and I waved him off petting Roo and wiping at my eye with the back of my hand.

“I didn’t expect you to.” I stated simply.

“So that’s why…” Sid trailed off, stopping when I nodded.

“Baby cuddles to try and make everything better.” I shrugged. “To fill the three new cracks in my heart. It’s been a long time since I was childless.” I whispered. “I’ve been trying to recall when it was and I honestly can’t remember. I feel like it had to have happened at least a few times but I really can’t recall not having anyone since I became a foster mom in the first place.”

“How long is that?” Sid asked, tone softer now than it had been that day at the hospital.

“Two...almost three years. I applied to become a foster parent toward the end of my residency.”

“Can I ask how many?” Sid questioned.

“36.”

“In three years? That’s...wow.” Glancing over I could see the genuine shock on his face.

“I don’t know what the turnover rate is generally but I’m fairly certain my rate is higher than average. I get a lot of the drug addicted babies because of my skills and they’re generally only with me 2-3 weeks until it’s safe to move them into a more permanent placement, often with other family members.”

“How do you handle that?” He murmured, reaching down to pet Roo as well who had rolled over onto her back for belly rubs.

“Usually I just focus on my patients, on the kids that I do still have with me because they deserve all of my love and attention. This time? Crying over Ben and Jerry’s at 11am until Kayla insisted I come over.” A smile cracked Sid’s face and he apologized quickly declaring that this isn’t something to smile about.

“No it’s okay. You can find it amusing, I know it wasn’t the most healthy coping method.”

“Are you going to be okay?” He inquires softly.

“Yeah. Well, I should probably lay off the wine. Dumo has really good taste.” Sid’s eyes crinkled a little bit and he looked at me like be serious. “I will be. I mean it’s only a matter of time before I get the call that another child needs me.” I assured him. “I just...sometimes...days like this...they make me wonder whether I still want to do this, you know…”

“Go on…” Sid urged.

“I just...it’s so hard. Never knowing whether I’m going to wake up and have to say goodbye again. Constantly giving away pieces of my heart that I’ll never get back. Days like today make me just want to be a mom. Not a foster mom but a mom. To have my own kids who won’t be there one day and gone the next.”

“I get that feeling.” Sid murmured after a moment. “Not the ‘here one day gone the next’ part, but uh, wanting your own kids part, that I get.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke before dropping his hand back down to pet Roo, his fingers brushing against mine. Immediately my mind flashed back to the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine and I quickly pushed that aside.

“There you are!” Kayla exclaimed, popping her head out the door, her eyes shifting back and forth between you and Sid and noting how close you were sitting. “We just put out some food if you’re hungry and want something other than ice cream.” She grinned, dipping back inside looking like she was about to burst with what she just saw even if it was absolutely nothing.

When Sid stood he offered a hand out to help you up, murmuring for Roo to come inside and he’d see if he could find her a treat. The bulldog was eager for that and followed after him as you brushed yourself off and picked your wine glass up moving to rejoin the group.

Ridding of your buzz with some food and water and more baby snuggles you finally headed home with the feeling that there was something more to your conversation with Sid that you hadn’t put your finger on.

Outfit:

#sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #pittsburgh penguins #pittsburgh penguins imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #ppenguins #019

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zv5x · 4 years ago

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Hey guys! An anon requested some Yandere ABC'S with Sen, but I had to reupload cause the formatting was wrong!!! I hope it works this time, and I hope you find it anon! Let me know if you did!

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Hey Anon! Don't worry, requests are open permanently! So feel free to request as much as you want! I'm so glad you enjoy my writings, that makes me feel so happy! I hope you enjoy the ABC's prompt and I hope I did a good job! (*´ω｀*) Stay safe and take care of yourself, you're valid and loved! ( :̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? - Sen is a major giftgiver. So, expect him to really paint his love for you with lavish spending. Also, along with that, he's a hopeless romantic. So be sure to expect love letters and love notes to be littered around your apartment (whether or not he had permission to be where he placed them...that's up for debate). You met Senpai when you stumbled across his game, and were there to play it before you discovered a way to get him out. So, he was just as affectionate as your average visual novel character. Meaning, he's basically infinitely affectionate. He's very gentlemenly as well: kissing the top of your hand and brushing his lips against the tips of your fingers, helping you get ready each morning (he has to, considering you're literally restrained and rendered unable to do so), and other things. Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? - I always imagined Sen to be more of a yandere "stereotype" considering his source (a cheesy Japanese romance game with pretty pastel colors and overly sweet and cheesy dialogue). So, Senpai would in that case be willing to make his murders messy. Their lives don't matter to Senpai, and he'll gladly paint a pretty picture of romance with their blood. He'd do anything to emphasize the fact that you belong to him and him alone. Not to those filthy, impure worms. Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they're abducted? Would they mock them? - Senpai has a bit of an ego problem. So, if he feels it necessary, he'll gladly make you feel inferior to him. "Out of the hundreds of people in the school, you're the one that I long for so strongly. Shouldn't you be greatful for that? I'm sure there's people willing to eat themselves alive just to be in your place." Among other similar statements. Senpai isn't physically cruel unless giving out punishments for "bad behavior", so that's something to be greatful about I suppose. Even with the taunts and reprimands he speaks to you, he doesn't really mean them. Especially the ones about you being inferior in any regard. You're the definition of perfection in his eyes, to the extent he doesn't even really see himself being worthy of your love. But, nobody else is either. While he's not 100% worthy of an angel like you being by his side, he's more worthy than the people that surround the two of you. Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will? - Just like Spirit, the only other things he'd do against your will is take away your rights to freedom, family, friends, along with some other similar things. He doesn't want to traumatize you, and as much as his actions contradict the idea that he's far from a monster, he's truly not. He just wants what's best for your love. Is that really something that's worthy of him being called a monster? Senpai doesn't think so, not one bit. Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? - All of it. His heart is an open book. Senpai wants to woo you, he wants you to know how adored you truly are. He wants you to know how much space you take up in his heart, and he'll do anything to show that to you. Whether it be by taking you out to a nice dinner after you've been on your best behavior for a while, or by murdering past enemies or foes, Sen will do virtually anything Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? - Completely and utterly heartbroken. How could you, (Y/N)? Here he is, your precious and beloved Senpai, just wanting to take care of you, and this is the thanks he get's? Senpai's little heart will be absolutely crushed, and he'll be sure

to let you know that, even while he's angerly punishing you. Being the main love interest is literally in his code, basically the A.I. equivalent to DNA. He's not used to not winning a person's heart the minute he expresses interest, especially the heart of someone he's putting all his effort into romantically seducing. Senpai will go ballistic after such a rejection, throwing the closest thing to a toddler's temper tantrum that you'll be able to see in an almost full grown adult. Screaming, stomping, crying tears of pure rage, Senpai will display all of it right for you to witness in absolute fear and horror. Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? - Is this a game to Senpai? Well, yeah. But only considering he's literally a game character himself. He still sees this as the silly dating mechanics from his own game. Even if this is real life, and even if this is completely against your will. He's not used to anything else, so he'll continue living his life and gaining your love the way he's been built to. Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? - You're not really in the position to cheat on him considering he's holding you in complete isolation, but if you were to cheat on him? Whoo boy. Sen would react in a similar way to Spirit would, only 100x worse. The psychotic laugh yanderes are so infamous for, the brutality, the murder, and then the confrontation of you. A cheater, a liar, a betrayer. You'll pay for what you've done to Senpai, you won't get away with thinking you could pull him around like a toy. He loves you, but now he sees no other option, you must die for what you've done to him. It won't be quick either. No, you're going to feel exactly what you made him feel the moment he found you cheating on him. It's only fair, after all. An eye for an eye. But don't worry, your body will be in good hands! Senpai will still take care of you, and he forgives you for what you've done! Now the two of you can be happy together once again! No more distractions this time! Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? - The usual...marriage, honeymoon, perhaps some kids or pets (but only if you want them, of course!). Senpai is really up to any kind of future, as long as it's with you, his beloved Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? - Senpai is EXTREMELY jealous. He's suspicious of basically everyone you come into contact with, and you're always having to deal with him wrapping his arms around you from behind and gently laying down some boundaries for whoever you're just trying to talk to. Expect a few statements like/similar to, "Hey, worm! They're mine!", considering Sen is always trying to show people just how much you belong to him Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? - Like some kind of flawless prince, but you know damn well that it's just a facade. He tries very hard to keep his yan tendencies hidden from you, but his emotional instability makes him fail miserably at that. But, that doesn't take away from the fact that he's *usually* acting very cool and charismatic Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? - The usual things you'd see from a hopeless romantic...love letters, cards, poems, hand kisses, dinner dates, and everything else lovey dovey that people do to show a certain person how much they love them. Being a dating game character, Senpai is VERY good at courting anyone he seems romantically compatible Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? - His true colors are different from the way he tries to appear, but they come out so much that the people closest to him (specifically meaning you, and only you, as all of his other friends are just a.i. in the game that he once took residence in)) consider it apart of his actual personality Naughty: How would they punish their darling? - Probably just by breaking things around the two of them as he screams at them

for whatever they did to anger him. Senpai is very childish, especially when he's rejected, but he's still able to be calmed. You just need to know exactly what to say and when to say it. Which...is shockingly hard, considering how unpredictable Senpai can be Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? - Just like Spirit, he won't really take away any. But, he'll take away all of it if he feels as if he has to Patience: How patient are they with their darling? - Senpai's patience is quite literally in the lowest of negative numbers, so tread lightly, (Y/N). The slightest and smallest things can set Senpai into hour long rages Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? - No. Not at all. Senpai would be absolutely devastated. He wouldn't be able to move on, you were his absolute everything. He can't imagine living a life without you, and he won't. Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go? - Regret? No! Absolutely not! Why should Senpai feel any regret? For loving his darling angel? No. That's nothing but foolish. There is no room for regret or shame in Senpai's heart, only love for you Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? - Rejection is against Senpai's code. You weren't supposed to not want him romantically. Because of this, Senpai quite literally doesn't know how to react. So, he acts...insane? Obsessed? Call it what you want, but make sure its definition doesn't neglect his love for you. Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? - Senpai would probably just get angrier. Why are you so upset?! Just love him, for fucks sake!! He just wants to take care of you, why won't you just let him? Stop being so difficult, let him take over, and things will be so much better for you! Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? - Not really. Senpai is pretty much a walking stereotype, with a few small changes here and there. Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? - His lovesickness, probably. Escaping Senpai would be hard to say the least, but not impossible. Just do the usual, try and act like a sufferer of Stockholm Syndrome and maybe you'll have a good chance at getting away from him Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling? - Without hesitation. If he needs to do it to get his point across, Sen would do it without hesitation. It's all for you, that fact alone removes any chance of hesitation or remorse Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? - Senpai practically treats you like some overglorified love deity, the definition of a perfect partner. Perfect for him, at least. His entire heart is like an open book, but one that only you can read clearly. It's all for you, after all. Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? - He's good up until he witnesses even the slightest sign of distance or rejection, then he snaps Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? - Like hurting you, he'd do it without any hesitation. It means nothing to him, unlike you. You mean everything, and he'd do everything and anything for you. This is basically nothing to him. He loves you, after all! More than anything else in his world.

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years ago

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why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us.

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics.

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp jean #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp meta #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #sorry i have a lot of feelings about this topic kjahsflkjhsjkghfd #but yes!#i think mc being able to help him was more about her sensibility and the mental fortitude/space to be able to care about him as he needed #i don't think it's necessarily that she's SpEcIaL #trauma is a sensitive subject--especially considering he's a war veteran #but i also think it's simple and complex at the same time #simple in the sense that people really do just need consistent support and love to be able to care for themselves again #complex in the sense that support can come in so many permutations and some of them are very delicate and multi-faceted #and thus must be handled with extreme caution in some regards #anywho not that i'm any kind of expert this is just what i understand and see #also in case it wasn't clear i love him and cry every day (look away comte it's my whoring hours)#though i hope this helps??? i went off harder than anticipated lakjhglkj #thank you for the ask!!! <3333 #asks #rambles #not incorrect quotes

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lightsupinthenorth · 4 years ago

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It’s the little things

Summary: Instead of giving up on trying to convince Mobius that the TVA agents are variants during their conversation in episode 4, Loki comes up with a new tactic to help him see the light.

Excerpt: "He interrupts Mobius’ rant by slamming both his hands on the table and shouting, seemingly out of the blue: 'you’re left-handed!'"

Read on AO3

Loki’s just blurted out to Mobius that the TVA agents are all variants, in a last-ditch attempt at convincing him they’re on the same side. And also in the hope it will make him shut up about Sylvie and what he thinks Loki feels for her.

Loki goes on, expanding on the bomb he just dropped, talking about Mobius’ hypothetical past and family, hoping it will be enough to make the walls Mobius built around himself crumble.

Once Loki’s said his piece, Mobius keeps silent for a beat. Long enough for Loki to believe it might work out.

Mobius looks rattled. So much so that Loki thinks he actually got through to him.

However, Loki’s hopes are annihilated with two little words:

“Nice try”.

These aren’t the kind of words Loki would ever react well to. Because “nice try”, despite posing as praise, is always thrown at you to point out you failed. Coming from Mobius, it hurts worse than being stabbed. Because, it doesn’t only mean “you failed”. It also means “you lied so many times before that I think everything that comes out of your mouth is just another lie”. It means “I don’t trust you”.

And, really, can Loki blame Mobius for that? He’s been trying his hardest to appear ten steps ahead of everyone ever since he arrived at the TVA, and now his pride and arrogance have turned against him. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but there’s no getting used to it.

As cracks are slowly forming in Loki’s cold black heart, getting it closer and closer to shattering, Mobius starts going off about Loki and Sylvie again.

Loki’s failed on both counts, then: Mobius doesn’t believe him, and he still won’t stop ranting. And he had the nerves to complain about Loki’s yacking!

Loki considers giving up and letting Mobius do whatever he wants with him. However, as he watches Mobius reach for the TemPad with his dominant hand, he’s suddenly hit by a ridiculous – and probably bound to fail – idea. Loki might have a lot of flaws (not that he’d admit to many, if any, of them), but he’s nothing if not resourceful. He thought telling Mobius he was a variant was a last ditch-attempt, but he apparently has another dagger up his sleeve. Its blade is not very sharp, to the point it might as well be made of rubber. Still, Loki will try to make something out of it. He has to try.

He interrupts Mobius’ rant by slamming both his hands on the table and shouting, seemingly out of the blue: “you’re left-handed!”

Mobius stops mid-sentence, thrown out of his depth. He sighs, trying to convey exasperation instead of the surprise he really feels. He shouldn’t be surprised by anything Loki comes up with, at this point. It’s not his fault this mad man (god, whatever) still manages to be unpredictable once in a while.

“What’s that got to do with any of it?”

“I… It’s just… Hear me out. I know you don’t trust me, but think about it… really think about it. What the TVA told you about the agents being created by the Time-Keepers doesn’t make sense.”

“You lost me.”

Mobius has no idea how Loki had gone from him being left-handed to “the Time-Keepers didn’t create the TVA agents”. He’s going to need a step-by-step explanation of the process.

Loki briefly looks down, takes a deep breath and then goes back to looking at Mobius, as if bracing himself for something.

“You’re left-handed-“

Mobius opens his mouth to interrupt Loki, because, really, this is becoming ridiculous and they’re running in circles. Loki is probably just stalling for time in order to concoct a new ploy that will get him out of the hole he dug himself. He doesn’t have time to say any of this, though. Loki notices he’s not on board and cuts himself off to say:

“Please, let me get this out. Please.”

His hands are now joined in supplication and his bright blue eyes are desperate and suspiciously shiny. Mobius has seen a lot of Loki’s life, which has included its fair share of tears. That’s how he knows he couldn’t take it if Loki started crying.

So, instead of protesting as he first intended to, he just nods, allowing Loki to resume.

“Thank you. The ‘left-handed’ thing is only the first one on a list of things corroborating my main point. If the Time-Keepers had really created you, why would they have bothered to make you left-handed even though it’s not the norm? Why would you have a sweet-tooth? Why would you be weirdly fascinated by jetskis? When you look at the TVA and the way it’s organised, would you peg the Time-Keepers as beings who would care about giving their agents any type of particularities? The way I see it, if you had been created by them, you’d all be robots passing as human beings, not people with their own personalities… Besides, have your seen your nose? It’s obviously been broken before. Probably several times. Do you even remember that happening?”

Mobius instinctively raises a hand to his nose, tracing the jagged shape of it. He’s still trying to process everything Loki said, and it’s a lot.

His thoughts, as soon as he manages to gather them, jump to the possible reason why Loki’s noticed and remembered all these little things about him. It doesn’t mean Loki cares. Of course it doesn’t. he was probably only gathering intel. Besides, isn’t it absurd that Mobius would focus on this instead of focusing on the point Loki is making?

Because, he is making a point. Isn’t he?

No matter how little is known about the Time-Keepers, Mobius can admit it indeed seems out-of-character for them to have bothered with making their agents have quirks. And he indeed does not remember breaking his nose. Why would the Time-Keepers have made him look this way voluntarily? It serves no purpose.

“Say something, please.”

Mobius regains focus after having lost himself in his thoughts, and he stares into Loki’s eyes. He decides to indulge Loki and speaks, not because Loki asked nicely – after all, the god is more often than not very polite despite his numerous less than pleasant personality traits –, but because everything in his posture suggests he’s on the verge of falling apart:

“Okay… I can see where you’re coming from.”

The effect of his words are instantaneous: Loki’s entire body sags from the relief.

“I’m gonna need more proof than that before I really buy your theory, though.” Mobius says. He’s got to keep Loki on his toes. He can’t have him believe he’s got Mobius wrapped around his little finger (even though he does).

“Proof… well, Sylvie can give you proof. As I said she can access your memories and-“

“Nope, nope, nope. There ain’t no way I’m letting her anywhere near my head to access so-called memories that might not even exist.” Mobius might have admitted to himself that Loki had a point. However, he’s going to pretend there’s still a chance he’s entirely wrong about all this, because if he’s right it means Mobius��s whole life is a lie and Mobius doesn’t have the faintest idea of how he’d deal with that.

“Can’t you do it?” He adds. Apparently, he’s lost every ounce of self-preservation instinct he’s ever possessed. He’s expecting a barb from Loki, something along the lines of “So you do trust me, Mobius, I’m touched”.

He gets none of that. Loki has really decided to catch him off guard today.

Loki doesn’t say anything. He stares at Mobius as if he’d grown a second head. After barely two seconds, though, he snaps out of it, and answers calmly:

“I don’t know how. But… maybe I could learn.”

“Okay… I suppose you’ll need your demented alter-ego for that?”

Loki cringes, which is answer enough.

Mobius sighs. He does that far too often around Loki.

“Right, let’s go get her, then.”

Loki goes back to staring at him as if he’d grown a second head, then. Eyes wide, mouth agape. Mobius would find it funny if the situation wasn’t so dire.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t trust her. And I don’t trust you, either… But I can’t go on with my life as if you fuckers hadn’t just upended it with your crazy variant theory… So I guess I’ll take my chances.”

Mobius gets up and Loki imitates him. Mobius is already moving in the direction of the door when Loki stops him by grabbing his forearm. Mobius turns back toward him and arches an eyebrow in question.

“I know it won’t mean much to you but… I have your back. I promise I won’t stab it… again. And I’ll make sure Sylvie doesn’t either.”

Mobius doesn’t trust Loki right now. He has no guarantee that he can. Most of Loki’s past suggests he cannot. But, stupidly, Mobius wants to. He really wants to trust him. It wouldn’t take a lot from Loki to make him. He won’t let it show, though. He’s stupid, but not this stupid.

“Right. Time will tell, I suppose.”

Loki is thoroughly unimpressed by Mobius’ time-related pun. It’s fine, though. Mobius is amused enough for the both of them. He smiles at Loki’s grumpy expression.

“Oh come on, it was funny!”

“A dagger through the heart would be funnier.”

Mobius rolls his eyes. Loki is such a drama-queen. It would be annoying if it wasn’t so endearing.

“Come on, you buzzkill. Let’s go before someone decides to prune your evil twin sister for real.”

Loki groans. “I really hate you sometimes.”

“Sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

Loki will keep telling himself that: he’s a skilled liar, especially when it comes to lying to himself, and he cannot cope with the truth right now (the truth being that he’s far too fond of Mobius for his own good). He’ll deal with it after they deal with the giant pile of their current problems.

First step: go to Sylvie. Second step: hightail it out of here

#Loki #Loki fanfiction #Mobius M. Mobius #Lokius #Loki spoilers #Canon divergence #takes place in episode 4 #light angst #a bit of fluff

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jaehyunspeachparty · 4 years ago

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daddy jaehyun

iv.xli. (m)

When Jaehyun was opening his emotions and feelings, it took him a lot of strength. After she was at the playground and he was so honest and vulnerable, he was totally clingy for the rest of the day. He clung to the children, to you, and needed so much attention that it was actually cute. However, this change in his mind and that he was no longer too jealous has a reason. Since his mother was in a coma, he saw many things differently.

In the evening you were in bed with Jaehyun. Sunoh and Miga were already asleep, but the twins were still awake. You are lying in his arms, he also had Kiwoo in his hand and you are breastfeeding Geon. "Can you believe the two have been almost 5 months?" Jaehyun looks at Kiwoo and smiled. "I don't really want to think about it that much. They're growing too fast for me and they're our last babies." You sigh and stroke Geon's head. "Would you like to have more children?" Jaehyun then asked. "I think after the twins my body will not be able to cope anymore. As much as I would like to have a whole bunch of children with you, I think that we are a nice size of a family now." You smile and look up at Jaehyun. "That's right, now we can all pay enough attention. With more it becomes more difficult." Jaehyun sighed and stroked his thumb over Kiwoo's back, who was already staring tiredly into space. "Sometimes we don't quite make it. Sunoh sometimes feels neglected." Sunoh's jealousy has already diminished, but he would like to have all of your time. "But Sunoh learns like Miga. In the beginning she didn't want to have a sibling and now she is the loveliest big sister." Jaehyun had to smile because Miga has developed so incredibly. "Do you remember when we bought such a cupcake that was colored inside what gender Sunoh will be, when I was pregnant with him?" Those times seemed so unbelievably forever ago to you. "Yes, Miga started crying because she didn't want a brother." Jaehyun had to laugh, it was all so unreal. Miga has developed so strongly in character. "At the very beginning she couldn't even bear the thought that there was another child coming. And she even hit my pregnant belly because she was so mad." You had to laugh, that was so unrealistic now. Miga was 3 years old when you were pregnant with Sunoh and she was spoiled to get all the attention. "And when you were pregnant with the twins, she was totally caring." Jaehyun looked down at Kiwoo, who was slowly closing his eyes. "And now, Sunoh and Miga are really close too. I hope the kids will always be like best friends. It would break my heart if they would fight." It was important to you that the four always have each other, that they can always rely on each other. "Yes, I wish that too." Jaehyun came with his head further down to you and he put his lips gently on yours. You kiss for a while, but then you hear a squeak. Geon was fed up and wanted to attract attention. You put your breast back into the shirt and Jaehyun looks at his son with a smile. "Well? Are you full? Did it taste good?" Geon then started laughing and it was so contagious that you both had to laugh too. You take Geon with you and you two reminisces until the last baby has fallen asleep. You lay the two on the addition of the bed, on your side and watch them. "They are so cute," you say, looking at the two. "Yes, really. I can hardly get enough of them." Jaehyun grinned and put his arm around your body. "You make really pretty babies," you say and turn to him. "I am not alone responsible for this." Jaehyun grinned and put his hand over your cheek. "But your beautiful DNA is very strong." You grin when Jaehyun was suddenly over you. "Don't act like this, without your beautiful DNA the kids wouldn't be so perfect." He was suddenly very close to you. You can feel his breath on your neck and when his moist lips touched your skin, you moan softly. His hands brushed your entire upper body until his palms were under your shirt. He took your fingers between your swollen nipples and because you were so sensitive there, your whole body twitched. Jaehyun loved it when you react that way to his touches. He pushed your shirt over your chest and kissed your roots. He pushed his right hand into your panties and began to massage your pearl. He was so gentle and loving and it was driving you crazy. You got so wet that you could hear his movements between your folds. "Mhmm, I like it when you get wet so quickly." Jaehyun grinned and pulled your panties down completely so that you were free below. Jaehyun knelt between your legs and stroked his middle while he looked at your pussy. He was hypnotized and you wonder why he was still so fascinated, after all, you've been together for 9 years. "Are you just staring or are you doing something too?" You ask with a grin. Jaehyun smiled gently, his dimples appear and he immediately pulled down his sweatpants and placed himself between your legs. He leaned down to you and buried his face in your shoulder. He slowly pushed his length into you and you two start to moan. And when he moved inside you everything was gentle and passionate. "You feel so good," he moaned and his pelvis pushed deeper into you. You look at him with big eyes and kiss him. You were so close to each other. The sex was so intimate, so full of love. But when Jaehyun turns to one side, he suddenly freezes. You hear a low sigh and you see Geon briefly open his eyes. You stop and feel caught, you didn't know what to do. But Geon closed his eyes again. Still, it felt weird to go on like this. "Come on, let's continue in the bathroom," said Jaehyun, lifted you up and carried you to the next room, where you could continue in peace.

In the morning you and Jaehyun prepare the food for the children again. Jaehyun gave Sunoh and Miga a cocoa. You carry Kiwoo in your arms while Jaehyun put Geon in the child seat. "I thought, now that Kiwoo and Geon are sleeping through the night, that we might let them sleep in their room. You usually only breastfeed them in the evening and then in the morning anyway." Jaehyun looked at you while he cut the strawberries. "Do you think this is a good idea?" You look down at Kiwoo, who is clutching you tightly. "With that addition by the bed, it is getting tight for both of them. They are constantly kicking each other because the have been grown so much. Besides, it slowly gets awkward when we next to them ... you know ... do adult things. They just notice a lot more." Jaehyun looked at you seriously and you have to agree with him. "Yeah, it don't feel right doing it beside them. We could fix the room today and try it this night." You smile and so do Jaehyun. "That sounds like a great plan." He kissed you and took the plates to serve Miga and Sunoh. "Bananas!" Sunoh started to grin and was finally happy to eat something. You had prepared a fruit platter for the children and Sunoh has been loving bananas lately. "Yes exactly, especially for you," said Jaehyun and stroked Sunoh over his hair. "I prefer strawberries," said Miga and immediately stuffed one of them into her mouth. "Good Morning!" Mia and Xiao Jun came to you and both still looked tired. "Morning! Coffee is already on the table." You point to it, but Mia came to you anyway. "Shall I take the little one from you?" She stroked Kiwoo's head gently and you hand her your boy. But he didn't liked the idea. He immediately started to cry, but not the typical cry when he was hungry or unhappy. He screamed as loudly as he could. His crying echoed across the room. "Mummy ... loud," Sunoh said, covering his ears. "Is Kiwoo sick?", Miga immediately asked her father and she was worried. You take your boy back to you immediately and he became calm again. "What was that?" Mia asked worried. She had taken care of him so many times and he had never cried like this. "Is he beginning to no longer want to see anyone else than his parents?", Jaehyun asked and looked at you in wonder. Sunoh was the same at that age as he acted like this. At 5 months this can be a typical behavior. It was worse with Sunoh because he only wanted to be with you and not even with his father. "Well then, you stay with me." You kiss Kiwoo on the tip of his nose and he laughed again. Geon meanwhile had turned his attention to something else. He held out his hands towards Miga's plate. He babbles something and Miga thought he understood what he wanted. "Daddy, can I give Geon a strawberry?" She looked intently at her father with her dark eyes. Jaehyun and you look at each other in surprise. Before that, he wasn’t interested in solid food. "Yes, try it," said Jaehyun then and Miga immediately took a piece and put it in the little hands of her little brother. Geon still had some difficulty grasping it, but Jaehyun then fed him. You are excited to see how Geon would react. But when he ate the strawberry, he began to grin and laugh. "I think he likes it," said Xiao Jun and laughed. "I think I'll cut a few for him." Jaehyun got up and went back into the kitchen. It was a really nice morning. You had so much fun watching Geon eat the strawberries. Your sister was there, everything went harmoniously between you and Jaehyun and the children were happy. But then the doorbell rang. Xiao Jun offered to open it, and in the end it was just a postman who brought something. But when he came to you with a large bouquet of red roses, you looked at each other in surprise. "Roses? Who are they for?" Mia asked, but you can already guess what happened here. Jaehyun also knew that that couldn't mean anything good. "There's a card inside ... it's for the Y/N," Xiao Jun said, but Jaehyun immediately took the card. "Can you two take care of the children for a moment?" He asked and Mia and Xiao Jun nodded. Jaehyun waved you into the living room and with Kiwoo in your arm you follow him. "It's probably from him ... isn't it?" You ask and you got nervous. "I'm afraid so. It is he who always sends you red roses." Jaehyun sighed and opens the envelope. There was a photo inside where you were eating with Doyoung. When he turned it it said "Does Jaehyun know about it?" "That idiot has no idea about our relationship." Jaehyun got incredibly angry. "He followed and monitor me." You stare at Jaehyun and you couldn't believe, that it was starting all over again. "If I only see him once, then ..." Jaehyun's chest rose and fell at a rapid pace. But the next moment your phone rang. With your free hand, you pick it up and look at the name. "Who is it?" Asked Jaehyun curiously. "Doyoung."

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#jaehyun #daddy jaehyun #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #nct smut #nct fluff #nct 127 smut #nct u smut #nct 2020 smut

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inkandpen22 · 4 years ago

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Young Hearts Divided (11/?)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader/ James Potter x Female!Reader

Warnings: grief, mild arguing, fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

Part Summary: While Y/N is struggling to cope with the news of her brother, Sirius is lost as to how to help

Masterlist

Sirius

I hear the others approaching to join Remus and I by the Black Lake. Y/N hasn’t moved from that spot under the young oak for sometime now. I was worried before she sat down, now I’m afraid. I’ve never seen Y/N this way. Usually she never stops talking- and I love that about her- but she hasn’t said a word in hours. I feel terrible because there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve never felt so helpless. Even when I’m home with my parents I can control the situation to an extent, but not here, not now.

Out of the corner of my eye, Lily settles down beside me. Then, there’s a pat on my shoulder, then a comforting grip. James.

“How long has she been like that?” Lily glances between me and Remus.

All I can seem to do is watch Y/N, make sure she’s alright. For some reason, I’m afraid she may disappear. If I glance away, even for a moment, she’ll be gone.

“A while,” Remus mutters with a rare gloominess in his tone.

“How long is a while?” James inquires.

“Hours,” Remus shrugs, sounding uncertain of the the exact time.

“All day,” I correct sharply, finally breaking my silence.

They must know the severity of this. They need to understand how much this is affecting Y/N.

Lily shifts closer to me, eager to learn more. “Has she eaten anything? Had a sip of something?”

“No.” My answer is plain, short, and to the point, exactly how we should be acting in order to fix her.

Lily sighs, Well we should-”

“What do you suggest Lily?!” I snap, finally looking away from Y/N to address her. “If you have any bright ideas by all means share it with the rest of the class! We’ve tried everything and no matter what we do nothing works!”

Lily cowers, struck hard by my uncharacteristically harsh remarks.

“Sirius...” James states my name disapprovingly yet calmly with understanding as a best friend should.

He is right though... I shouldn’t have snapped. None of this is Lily’s fault, nothing is ever really Lily’s fault.

“Alright, I’m sorry!” I rush out. “I just... I don’t know how to help her! I don’t know how and... and she...”

I find myself struggling to find the right words. I want to help Y/N, but I don’t know how.

“It’ll be alright,” Lily assures, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

She offers me a kind smile, one I’m all too familiar with. How can she say that when there’s nothing we can do?

“Are you sure of that? Really?” I question baffled. “Because I have no clue how this will turn out. I don’t know how she’ll recover from this. If what McGonagall said is true, Y/N and her family, they... What would you do Lil? How would you feel if you found out your parents or sister have betrayed you?”

“None of us understand like you do, Sirius,” she points out a reality I hadn’t considered.

“Me?” I frown in confusion.

“Your family, Narcissa, Belatrix, your parents, Regulus,” Lily begins to explain. “They may not be Death Eaters, but they see sense in You-Know-Who, right? You understand Y/N’s situation better than anyone. You don’t know what to do? All you can do is be there for her. Talk to her. When you have nothing say, simply sit with her. All you can do is be present, care, and listen when given the chance.”

“She’s right,” James adds in agreement.

“Sometimes the best you can do is be there,” Remus determines.

I take a moment, processing what my friends have advised me to do. Despite their wisdom, I’m still hesitant. They carry a lot of faith in me. Lily is right, my cousins, brother, entire family haven’t exactly be withholding of their true feelings when it comes to Muggles. In fact, they might as well just declare themselves Death Eaters in order to cease the confusion. Everybody already accuses them of being ones.

Taking a deep breath, I rise from my position on the grass and brush down my uniform. Y/N remains still, watching the ripples of the lake as she has all day. I wonder what’s going through her mind. Oh what I would give to hear her speak to me. It could be about anything, something as small as a homework assignment. I just want to hear her voice.

Cautiously, I begin to approach her at a steady pace. I don’t wish to frighten her, but I also don’t want to creep up on her. Perhaps, if I walk normally and act normal, that would make her feel better. I’m certain she hears me coming despite her lack of reaction. It doesn’t help that I feel the others’ eyes on me. They’re all waiting to see what happens.

Maintaining my composure, I steadily ease myself down onto the grass beside her. Her sight remains ahead, somewhere along the horizon. Her eyes are narrow into slits from the bright sun on the ripples of the water. I turn my head toward her to catch a better glimpse of her face and she still doesn’t react. Her lips remain in a soft frown and her features gloomy. I swallow hard, bringing my attention back to the horizon. I don’t what do. How do I help her? How do I take the pain away?

Unexpectedly, Y/N’s hand glides over my fists gently and gives them a slight squeeze. Bewildered, I snap my head in her direction. Unfazed, she slowly rests her head on my shoulder. Afraid that the slightest movement will cause her to cower, I remain still. She scoots closer to me and slips her arm through mine, clinging to me. Hesitantly, I plant a kiss to her forehead. I’ve missed her presence. Her closeness to me.

Resting my chin on top of her head, I stare off into the distance as a though crosses my mind. Then, the thought simply leaves me. “I know this doesn’t help, but I love you...”

My voice is so faint I nearly lose it in the slight breeze brushing through the valley. There’s a prolonged pause and I debate within myself whether she missed it or I made the situation worse. Perhaps she didn’t want to hear that. Maybe I messed up.

“It does help,” she whispers as her fingers tighten around my bicep.

And finally, I can breathe again. At least for now, I’m not losing her.

__________________________________________

Later that night...

Y/N

Late following a stroll about the castle after dinner, Sirius and I return to the Common Room. It’s empty as the others have gone to bed. I won’t lie and say I’m not a tad relieved everyone’s to bed. I’m not sure I could handle everyone’s starring. At dinner, everyone tried their best to act like everything is normal, but even Lily couldn’t fake a smile.

Sirius and I lay on the couch facing each other. The faint cracking of the fire fills the silence. A nice thick wool blanket keeps us warm and I find myself more at ease than I’ve been the last few days. He brings his warm hand to my cheek and brushes his thumb across it. My eyes fall shut at the sensation. Sirius, a blanket, a fire, a couch, and silence is like heaven to me. It’s my safe haven.

“I think I should go see my brother,” I mumble.

I already know what Sirius is going to say. Right on cue, his features change to express hostility. The peace moment already becoming a distant memory.

“Go-” he inhales sharply. “Go see your brother? Seriously, Y/N?! Do you have any idea how dangerous that could be?!”

“Come with me then!” I plead, griping his hand in mine.

He yanks his hand from me and sits up in a jolt. “That doesn’t by many means change the level of danger!”

I sigh, leaning up to sit beside him. My arm rests across his back as I rest my chin on his shoulder. “He won’t hurt me Sirius. He wouldn’t, couldn’t.”

“He’s a Death...” he stops himself before he says it.

My head snaps up from its position on his shoulder. “He might be,” I correct him. “We can’t be sure!”

“Either way, it’s too risky!” Sirius declares as though it’s law now.

Sirius shakes his head repeatedly as he avoids my gaze. His lower lip remains bit beneath his teeth. It doesn’t take a genius to see that his mind is traveling miles a minute.

“Please Sirius...” I whisper desperately. “I have to know...”

He sighs deeply as his head falls. “You’ll go no matter what I say, right?”

“Probably,” I answer honestly.

I don’t have a choice. I have to know.

“Alrighty then,” he exhales sharply, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “We’ll do a day trip to London I guess. We’ll have to be smart about it though, to avoid suspension.”

I nod frantically, excited that he’s doing this with me. I knew it would be a long shot that he would agree to it at all. “We’ll use the tunnels and leave from the Shrieking Shack,” I suggest.

His brows scrunch together. “Wait, how do you know about the tunnels?”

“Remus showed me once,” I explain plainly. “You don’t actually think I believed your little story about the four of you hiding in the Room of Requirement during Remus’s changes?” I giggle. He would too.

He shrugs, appearing a tad offended. “I thought it was pretty convincing...”

“You couldn’t possibly contain a werewolf in there!” I laugh.

Sirius leans in a plants a quick peck to my temple. Then, he takes my face in his hands, making me stare into his eyes. “Just promise to never follow us on a full moon and to never go to the shack without me! If anything ever happened to you, I... I wouldn’t know what to do-”

Interrupting his request, I plant a kiss to his lips. At first, he’s caught off guard, unsure of what to do. Then, he leans into the action hungrily. Before we both get too caught up in the moment, I break from him and rest my forehead against his.

“Promise,” I smile.

He shares my smile and brings his lips to mine again. Only this time, it’s gentle and more like we’re sealing the promise.

“But promise me something in return,” I mumble against his lips.

He leans back to meet my eyes. A brow rises with curiosity. “What is it?”

“Promise me that you won’t do anything reckless during a full moon. Every month I’m so afraid that you’ll sacrifice hour safety to protect Remus or the others,” I confess a worrisome thought that’s been bothering me for quite some time. “I lay awake at night asking the universe to keep you safe-”

“I promise,” he blurts out without a second thought.

It brings an immense wave of relief to finally confess my worrying and for him to be so compliant.

“Y/N...” He wraps an arm around me, bringing in closer, if that’s even possible. “I would never do anything that would risk me losing you. I genuinely see us together for the rest of our lives. After we’re done here, we have the entirely world to see. I don’t want to lose a chance at that.”

I lift my hand up and brush my fingers through his long black strands. Goodness, I love him so much. It amazes me sometimes how much I love him. I’m so thankful for Sirius. I look forward to forever with him if it will be just like this moment.

____________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @hannah220506 @agirlwholovescoffee-blog @a-classic-eye@devilstradegy @blackbirddaredevil23 @tay-mariee @blackpinkdolan @findzela @emilianamason @missryerye @loonyslytherin

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oliverwxod · 4 years ago

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I know places (George Weasley imagine) Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Warnings: Freds death mentioned, one swear word maybe, angsty, (they’re like 20 in this btw)

Summary: An old school friend comes by Weasleys wizard wheezes to check in on how George is coping after the death of his twin Fred. And he’s not coping well.

REPOSTING BECAUSE TAGS DIDN’T WORK

It had been too long since she had last visited Diagon Alley, and it had changed. The atmosphere was as dull as the weather, grey clouds and grey skys blending in with the bland colours of the shops that used to be full of joy and colour. The death eaters ruined it when they came by years ago and it had never fully recovered, just like the witches and wizards of the magical world. The end of the war and Voldemort’s defeat still fresh in peoples minds.

Celebrations never happened due to the mourning of the hundreds lost, it was going to take a while.

Y/n looked up to the towering shop in front of her, the once new purple and orange paint vibrant, now peeling from the bricks, the colours faded with the years and the damage the death eaters lefts behind. It was scarily quiet, y/n supposed no one was ready for jokes at the time being, it would come with the recovering process.

The sign on the door read CLOSED in bold letters, but she had come all this way and had spent time gearing herself up emotionally or mentally for this. She knocked on the door, three sharp taps that echoed through the streets. The sound of footsteps smacking on the wet pavement behind her caught her eye, stepping back from the door to glance in curiosity. It was just a passerby, running to get out of the rain.

Once she turned back to the door she let out a surprised gasp as George Weasley stood there staring at her in confusion and curiosity.

“George” she whispered barely audible. She didn’t know why she was so taken aback by his presence, she had come to see him after all.

“Y/L/N” he spoke, the use of her last name always bugging her. He took in her appearance, a green cloak tied tightly around her shoulders, her posture as straight and proper as always, matching the confidence she held in herself. George always guessed it was the Slytherin way.

“what are you doing here?” he asked. He was baffled by her presence, he had not heard much from her since he left Hogwarts all those years ago to pursue the shop with Fred. He had only briefly seen her during the battle of Hogwarts almost a year ago.

“ I-” she was speechless, unsure how to word the fact that she just wanted to see him.

“Ministry business?” he asked, having heard from his parents and Ron that she had taken a position working in journalism for the ministry.

“No- I just … I wanted to see you” she spoke watching as his brow furrowed at her words, no doubt not understanding it.

“Would you like to come in?” he offered, not sure what else to say.

“please” she said softly, eyeing the rain that was falling harder by the second. She stepped inside after him, watching as he turned his back on her. Y/n took the moment to observe the inside of the store, it was still packed full of things that brought a smile to her face.

Puking pastels and Peruvian darkness powder, Love potions and Pygmy puffs.

“How is business?” she asked, George almost cringing at the small talk, he hated it.

“Haven’t opened since” he spoke glumly. “Reckon people don’t have it in them for it just yet ,feels insensitive while everyones still recovering”

“How are you?” Y/n asked the big question.

“Why are you really here?“ he ignored her question, too used to people asking it.

“I told you, I wanted to see how you were doing, this past year- can’t have been easy” she said.

“Why are you here now, out of all days” he asked, trying to make himself look busy. Y/n spotted a bottle of fire whiskey on the counter, half empty, it was clear he wasn’t coping well.

“I-I don’t know” she spoke truthfully into the quietness of the store, she watched as George moved, walking around the counter, creating an extra barrier between then.

“I think of you a lot” she said open and honest, it shocked him. “Even more so recently” He stared at her, an expressionless face as he tried to think of a response.

He could lie, say he didn’t think of her, that he didn’t read the articles she wrote every week, or he could finally admit that he thought of her often too.

“My heart breaks everyday at the thought of you being alone” she said, meeting his eyes briefly before looking away and diverting her gaze to the rain hitting against the Windows.

George knew that Ron must have said something to her, their offices at the ministry just across from each other and Ron often took to updating him on her without George even asking .

He wondered if she was also alone and whether that was the reason she came to see him.

Y/n had always been an independent person, she didn’t have many friends at Hogwarts, a few close Slytherins she had grown up with, but apart from that she was fairly alone, it had a great deal to do with the whole school knowing her parents were active death eaters. George was the only one who ever bothered to talk to her, even if it meant sneaking around.

“How are your family?” she asked, hating the silence that had fallen, George used to be a man of words but now he seemed to not be able to find any words.

“I’m sure you already know the answer” he said quietly.

“your brother wishes to see you more” she spoke, letting him know that she knew he hasn’t spoken to them in a while.

“If you came here to make me feel guilty then you can leave” he glared.

“I came to see you, as I said. It appears that I still care for you even though you have never shown me the same.”

George stood staring at her unbelievingly at the realisation and feeling like the worlds biggest prat.

“I can not tell whether you are just ignorant or wildly clueless George” she sighed, starting to walk around the table in front of her filled with back to school boxes of jokes.

“You know… I remember in 5th year.” she spoke still staring at the table of jokes “I took Daphne Greengrass to the hospital wing because you had tricked her in to eating some puking pastels. I came to find you to scold you and while I was telling you off we both started laughing… and then you reached out, tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and I thought… I thought you were going to ask me to the yule ball, but you didn’t, you just turned away from me and said nothing and then I found out the next day you were going with Alicia Spinnet… and that’s when I realised you didn’t feel anything for me.” She spared a quick glance at him, before adverting her eyes again.

“But naive little me still had hope” she chuckled quietly under her breath.

“Y/n- I didn’t know-” George started.

“I’m not angry at you” she shrugged “its clear you were just clueless, but then in 6th year when we went through all that trouble of sneaking around Umbridge for the whole year, I thought… wow that’s a lot of effort to go through for supposedly meaningless hookups.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say” George said at loss for words, he had seemed to be at a loss of what to say as soon as he saw her standing at the shop door, she was the last person he expected to check in with him.

“I don’t want you to say anything, unless you want to” she spoke quietly. “It was never my intention to talk about this. Like I said, I just came to see how you are”

“I wish we could change the past, but we can’t ” George mumbled.

“I suppose not” she spoke feeling the weight his words held. “I should go” she decided.

George nodded twice, silently watching as she made her way to the door, stopping as he reached the handle. She looked at him before speaking.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry, Fred deserved the world” her voice was sincere and George sighed shutting his eyes tightly before opening them again.

“Stay” he spoke “have a drink with me”

#George Weasley #George Weasley imagine #George Weasley x reader #Harry Potter imagine #George Weasley angst #Fred Weasley imagine

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mimicteruyo · 3 years ago

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Threshold

[Touhou Ship Week Day 5: Overwhelmed. ReiSana, 1.7k, angst]

---

"Here." Unsure of what else to say, Sanae held out the plastic bag. "I wasn't sure about your size, but..."

Reimu's reaction was more animated than any Sanae had seen from her since the disaster. This time, she actually raised her head for a moment before letting her chin sink back down. She still looked like she wished to curl up into a ball on the porch but couldn't quite muster the energy to move.

Sanae chewed her lip, wondering if she should just leave the bag next to Reimu, only to be freed from the decision when Reimu's hand shot forward and snatched it. One of the thin handles tore with an audible rip, but Reimu seemed deaf to it: the next moment, she was already rummaging through its contents.

"I hope you like them. Later we can—" Sanae's eyes shot wide open as Reimu put the bag aside and began taking her top off. "You're going to change here?!"

"Why not?" Reimu's voice was so flat the question barely counted as one. "There's no-one around to see."

"I guess, but..." Sanae averted her eyes. Reimu was right, of course, and it shouldn't have mattered in the first place, but this really wasn't the time for blushing.

To distract herself, she walked to one of the torches lining the courtyard and looked into the distance. Most of the trees nestling the shrine had survived the transition, had in fact grown more numerous, shielding the buildings on the hill from view. They also prevented Sanae from seeing all that lay around it, but then, she had already stood with Reimu by the torii watching the distinctly modern town and its rhizome of roads sprawling through the land beneath the steps.

"The handle broke."

Reimu had stood up and was frowning at the bag on the porch, now bulging with her old garb. The fit of the new clothes was adequate, although the sleeves were obviously too long. Sanae had chosen red and white — red skirt, white shirt, red and white varsity jacket — in hopes the familiar colours would be a comfort. She now realised they might have been a stab, too.

"It's fine. We can recycle it." Sanae picked up the bag and took the opportunity to survey Reimu from a modern day human's perspective. The hair decorations still marked her for an outsider, but she looked more outwordly than Sanae had ever seen her before. She would likely pass for a former Lolita fashion enthusiast clinging to her old ribbons, and as long as Sanae coupled her new hoodie and pleated skirt with her own hair charms, they would at least share the stares. They would be fine.

Things didn't seem fine as Reimu simply stood there, arms slack, staring at the trees past the courtyard but clearly seeing nothing but fog.

Sanae settled the bag in the crook of her arm and choked on half-formed condolences. She wasn't any more prepared to utter words acknowledging the destruction of the Great Hakurei Barrier than Reimu was to hear them. Instead, to hide her rising panic, she focused on the practical side of things. "The train goes twice an hour until eleven o'clock, so we don't have to worry about running late for it. How about we eat something first? I saw a nice little restaurant on the way— or maybe you'd just like something sweet? We still have some—"

She stilled. Reimu had turned to gaze at her, her eyes as vacant and hollow as they had been while staring at the foliage.

"Um. Or if you'd like to rest here a bit longer, we can do that too."

Reimu continued on with her impression of a member of the walking dead.

"I could bring you something to eat here, too. Is there anything you'd like?" Sanae's legs already ached from walking — how quickly she had begun to long to be able to fly again — but honest physical pain might have been better than watching this slow winding down that felt like death. "Reimu?"

When this elicited no reaction, Sanae hazarded an approach, then placed her hand on Reimu's arm. This gesture was accepted with the same stoicism as a statue accepts falling rain.

Sanae thought she understood. The evaporation of Gensokyo had been a blow, a physical sensation like someone had punched out her internal organs and replaced them with water. But she could cope. She knew the Outside World, had grown up in it, and she still felt Lady Kanako and Lady Suwako lending her their strength. Reimu had only ever known Gensokyo. Even now, she was probably...

Reimu's head jerked. The movement heralded a sudden release of tension, so complete she began at once to collapse. Sanae caught her just in time and hauled her back upright.

She didn't expect Reimu to clutch onto her and practically drape herself over Sanae until they were hugging each other. Sanae held on, stunned, but not so stunned she didn't catch Reimu mumbling against her shoulder.

"I failed."

"No." Sanae pulled Reimu closer, once again scrambling for words. Reimu felt too small and too brittle, as though her loss had transformed her into a bird. "It wasn't a fair fight to begin with, and you came so much closer than the rest of us."

"And I failed."

The words were uttered with leaden certainty. Sanae saw now that attempting to counter them would only bolster them. She let silence shroud them instead and focused on trying to transmit her body's warmth to Reimu, trying not to think of the fatal wound she was certain she had seen Reimu receive while she herself had lain on the Hakurei Shrine courtyard, too exhausted and stunned to even think of getting up, and which appeared to have simply vanished alongside the barrier.

For a brief blessed moment, things seemed fine. It lasted only until Sanae tilted her head and saw that Reimu's eyes were filled with tears.

And just like that, for the second time that day, something in the universe tilted quietly off-centre.

While Sanae had spent years viewing Reimu as a friend and rival alike, she could now admit to herself that there had always been a dash of hero worship blended into her sentiments. For all of her foibles, the other shrine maiden had been so attuned to her craft, so determined when the situation called for it, and sometimes almost as supernatural as the youkai roaming the land. She had been someone who obviously never really needed help from Sanae, and so Sanae, living goddess or not, had been just overawed enough to keep the exact nature of the blossom in her heart to herself.

Holding Reimu in that moment, watching her weep, hearing her stubbornly steady heartbeat so close to her chest, Sanae finally truly felt like she was human.

"It's going to be okay." It wasn't a mere platitude; one way or another, Sanae would make it happen. "They won't take this lying down. Yukari and the others, I mean. They're going to fix it somehow. And even if they don't, we'll figure something out. They need shrine maidens in this world, too. And you don't have worry about getting identification papers or anything. Lady Kanako and Lady Suwako will be waiting at the shrine, and I'll just miracle you into a family register if you want, and we can go stay at my old home and—"

She was interrupted by a snippet of strangled laughter. It was mirthless and half choked, but there was no mistaking it even before Reimu straightened up and proved that her tears were now accompanied by a thin smile.

"You never give up, do you?"

"You don't, either." Sanae didn't quite feel like smiling, but she did so anyway and felt it become genuine as Reimu tried to match its wideness. "I can't lose to my rival."

Reimu absorbed this with due consideration. Finally, she extracted herself from the embrace, leaving behind a lingering chill and a faint floral scent from the detergent on her new clothes. "Maybe I should eat."

Energised by this twinge of hope, Sanae clapped her hands together. "Great! Wait here and I'll get you something good!"

She hadn't made it even a single step before Reimu grabbed the sleeve of her hoodie. As she halted, Reimu took the opportunity to wipe her eyes before nodding. "I'll come as well."

"Are you sure?"

"I can't lose to my rival."

Was it normal to feel a rush of warmth at mirrored words? "In that case, we'll go together."

Hand on arm turned into hand in hand as they marched across the courtyard.

Once they reached the torii, Reimu faltered. Sanae turned, prepared to say that it was fine, that their departure could still wait, that even if they missed the final train they'd still manage, when Reimu raised her chin and stepped underneath it.

They halted there on the top step, just past the torii. Reimu stared blankly at the vista ahead, showing neither pleasure nor disappointment at the wealth of buildings and cultivated land. She took a deep breath. "There."

Sanae squeezed her hand. "I knew you could do it."

"Of course I could." How Sanae had missed hearing that particular note of smugness. However, the thought was quickly forgotten as Reimu faced Sanae, no longer despondent but instead intense. "The real challenge comes now."

That was the only warning Sanae received before Reimu leaned forward and kissed her. It was as imprecise as it was abrupt, only brushing the corner of Sanae's mouth. All the same, it lit her blood on fire.

Just as quickly as she had leaned in, Reimu pulled back and began walking down the steps. She would've dragged Sanae along with her if Sanae hadn't shaken off her daze and followed at her own volition, just barely holding onto the bag of Gensokyoan clothes.

The back of Reimu's head yielded no answers. Later, there might be time to ask if the kiss had been a whim, a momentary madness brought on by overwhelming loss. Or perhaps, if it had meant what Sanae hoped it meant.

Until then, Sanae would follow and try not to be too awed by the full bloom of her heart.

#thshipweek #reisana #mimic fics

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shes-an-oddbird · 4 years ago

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A Very long list of Season 5 Predictions/Wish List

I tried to hit as many of the characters as possible so this is really really long

The trickiest thing about this show seems to be the ever growing cast creating several stories at once and the fact that it’s a show about first responders so even characters that don’t seem like they would follow that career choice end up there and those that don’t sometimes feel out of place.

This is not to say that I don’t LOVE AND ADORE FIREFIGHTER ALBERT HAN! (but really kind of thought it came out of nowhere and yet I’m not surprised because what else were they going to do with him?)

It seems unlikely they’d assign Albert to the 118 unless Bobby requests him like he did with Eddie, but I think Bobby might have some hesitations about that. They’re already as close as family and sometimes make dangerous decisions because of it. He might feel its better for Albert to be with a different fire house or maybe Chimney would.

But he’s a regular so putting him with the 118 would be the best way to give him screen time

I personally think he’ll be assigned to the 133 since we’ve seen a bit of them this season. I’d love if there was a fun rivalry between the two firehouses (whichever one Albert ends up at.) I’ve said it before that the 118 is probably notorious at this point for the weird situations they get into. The teasing and the taunting would just be so much fun to watch. Albert talking to Chim or Buck and just being like, so the guys told me about this time…

Actually can we take a moment to appreciate that the 118 got ANOTHER firetruck destroyed and this one wasn’t even theirs. The 133 spends FIVE MINUTES with Buck and Eddie and their truck is in shambles.

On a more serious note, we might meet Chimney and Albert’s dad. I’m thinking he’s not going to be thrilled about his youngest joining the fire department and show up to talk some sense into him and scold Chimney for letting him do it.

I’m so confused about how much time has passed? How long does it take to become a firefighter? They must have some sort of plan for him because cutting out him going through training seems like a lost opportunity. It’s a story we haven’t really seen through anything but montages. Is it difficult? Would he try to quit? I’d have liked to see him making the decision in the first place.

putting the rest under here because its really a lot

We’ll also miss Eddie recovering (and Bobby too actually), which I’m a little bummed about but not devastated. It sounds like we won’t see much in the way of the effects of either shooting but can’t do anything about that now unless they flash back and have them work towards that moment on the roof.

My biggest concern with the time jump is missing literally any of Maddie’s story. I don’t know much about PPD or if its called recovery or overcoming it but I do want to see Maddie work through that and Chimney and the others supporting her.

I think her leaving the dispatch center will be temporary but it may take half or all of next season for her to return.

Maybe she’ll take over for May, if she does go off to school

Or May might continue working at Dispatch and going to school.

If she doesn’t go to school Athena is not going to be very happy with her. But maybe we could get Maddie and Josh being big siblings to May which is an underappreciated dynamic. Maybe it will help Maddie cope with how useless she’s feeling with Jee.

I’ll need to rewatch to see if they say what May wants to do but maybe she’ll study journalism or something that will keep her in the loop of the main characters the way it does Taylor.

And speaking of Taylor, she is actually a very interesting character, whether you like her (morally) or not. I think we’ll see more of her in season 5 and I genuinely think she’ll fall hard for Buck. And I think everyone needs to chill about how it’ll destroy her character. We’ve already established that Taylor is like the female version of Buck (with a bit more sense maybe but a mirror if him non the less). If Buck is allowed to grow and want an actual relationship, is anyone really surprised they’d have Taylor go through that too.

She’s just a few steps behind, like he’s in relationship phase and she’s just coming to terms with her own feelings for him

My big concern, since they like to break Buck’s poor little heart, is that she’ll leave. She’ll get a job opportunity and pick it over Buck. I think it would be a hard decision for her but in character. Or maybe they’ll surprise us and make Buck and Taylor endgame (I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that but I could see it happening that way)

On the flip side I don’t know what’s going to happen with Eddie and Ana. I know she’s pretty much hated but its super unclear what the plan is other than that they’ll eventually break up per what Carla implied. I suspect they’ll be together for a bit of season five until Eddie figures out what’s up with what his heart wants. I don’t think Ana is some awful witch so the break up will probably be mutual or at the very least Ana won’t be surprised.

But hopefully we get more than just that as far as Eddie goes. The episodes we do get that are focused on him are really some of my favorites. They are wrapping up his moving on from Shannon arc which is cool. The trying to be a good father to Christopher will always be there, that’s something that will never change and always be a growing/learning experience.

I’d love to meet one or both of Eddie’s sisters. They don’t have to stick around long term like Albert did but to have them pop up with some crisis would be interesting and we could learn more about Eddie and the dynamic with his family which seems loving but strained.

Maybe we will see Eddie working more with Hen too. I was wondering if they’d make Eddie a full paramedic to take over for her eventually, which I decided they probably won’t do. But one episode of Buck distressed over the fact that he and Eddie wouldn’t be partners anymore would be fun drama.

The two really are just at a loss without each other and I love that. They get so pouty when they’re apart.

I don’t know what other plans they might have for Buck next season. I suspect we’ll see him worrying over Maddie and I’d kill to see him watching Jee-Yun.

I don’t know how old she’ll be because of the time jump but can you imagine Buck watching the baby and it just being an absolute disaster. So he starts calling everyone in a panic and we get firefam taking care of Baby Jee, maybe while Chim and Maddie are at a therapy session or just a weekend away for themselves.

I’m convinced the Baby would love Eddie. I think its just me projecting my desire for Eddie and Maddie to interact more. But like Hen teasing him because of course the baby loves him, all the girls love Eddie, he’s got the pretty face. Buck being super jealous that Jee likes him more. Eddie being genuinely surprised because he felt like such a failure when Chris was a baby.

Denny, Harry and Christopher are all getting older too so there has got to be a story there with at least one, if not all of them. Harry was sidelined this season but I love that kid, he is the spawn of Athena and Michael and we already know he’s a little trouble maker. Match that with Christopher who is sassy and too smart for his own good and Denny who is clearly the good kid of the bunch. I don’t know, it’s another lost opportunity if they don’t do something with that.

They could assign Karen and Hen an older foster kid who’s maybe not such a good influence at first. Unless they opt for just younger ones, I’m not really sure how that works. But they could get one that’s not as easy as nia and they have to work for that bond.

Might be they adopt them at the end

I hope we see more of Hen’s mom and med school friends but not like a crazy amount. The cast is already too big but I love them so an occasional appearance would be welcome.

I love David and Michael too but they always seem like the hardest to work in because, as stated, they are not first responders. David is a doctor though so maybe we’ll see some interaction with him and Hen. And all the Bobby and Michael content is welcome.

I NEED A WEDDING NEXT SEASON! Just pick a pair and marry them please!!! Maddie and Chimney!!! Michael and David!!! Someone, please! Even just a proposal?! Maybe? Please?

And there will be another crossover event which is exciting because I really enjoyed the first one. I wonder if they’ll come to LA this time and what would bring them there. With the scheduling of the shows next season they won’t have to tie them together so much time frame wise. They literally could just be popping in for a visit. I’m not gonna lie when I thought about another crossover I really wanted Bobby the self-taught chef to meet Charles the actual chef but now I can’t have that and it makes me so sad.

Putting all this out there is a really good way to insure it never happens, but still, they seem like logical places to go as of the finale.

#911 #911 spoilers #albert han #chimney han #eddie diaz #evan buckley #taylor kelly #hen wilson #maddie buckley #christopher diaz #may grant #harry grant #denny wilson

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adenei · 4 years ago

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Moving Forward

Written for Round 3 of the Houses competition. The prompt is: [first line] You never know how much you miss someone until you see them again.

A Ron & Ginny sibling fic following the war where Ginny reflects on the past year.

***************

You never know how much you miss someone until you see them again. At least, that’s what Ginny realized as she reflected on the reunion in the Room of Requirement. It had been nine months since Harry, Ron and Hermione had disappeared, with no way of communicating with their family. Now, the war was over, the battle fought with so many lives lost, yet those three had managed to survive.

Ginny was sitting at the table in the Burrow kitchen, nursing a cup of now cold tea. It was well past midnight, and yet she couldn’t sleep. She figured now was as good a time as any to process and reflect on the last year. A soft, yet sarcastic laugh escaped her lips.

Last year, she hadn’t even been dating Harry at this time! Their whirlwind of a relationship had only lasted about a month, and then Dumbledore died, and that changed everything. She’d held a lot of resentment because of that. Everything she’d been waiting years for had been ripped away from her, both literally and figuratively.

Ginny remembered holding out hope that maybe she and Harry could share a dance at Bill and Fleur’s wedding, but Harry had to take Polyjuice. It would have been odd if she’d been dancing closely with her ‘cousin.’ Then, the Death Eaters had turned up, and she watched her ex-boyfriend, her brother, and one of her best friends disapparate out of sight.

She never got the chance to say goodbye.

Sure, her father sent a Patronus to tell the trio that the family was safe, but they couldn’t receive anything from them in return. It would have been too risky. So, they went a few weeks with no news until Remus said he was going to check Grimmauld Place and report back. Yet, he hadn’t; at least not until well after the Ministry infiltration. By then, she was at school, and gaining any information was limited. It wasn’t until Christmas when Fred and George had reluctantly filled her in on what they knew.

Ginny remembered how she did her best to distract herself from the perpetual dull ache in her heart because she was missing Harry. She’d resigned herself to find comfort in no news, and resolved to not allow herself to wallow in the longing. She was stronger than that. If there wasn’t anything in the Prophet, then they must be safe, she told herself.

Things were easier when she was back at Hogwarts, or so she willed herself to believe. Sure, the constant reminder that several of her friends were missing was always there, but she was able to deflect the thoughts with school work, her secret flies at night, and the small attempts to make Snape’s life a living hell. She shuddered at the recollection of detentions she’d received with the Carrows and the pain they’d inflicted as a result of her actions. It was worth it, she thought.

Bill showed up just before she was supposed to return to Hogwarts after the Easter holidays, and the family officially went into hiding. She felt awful because there was no way to contact Neville to let him know what happened. Now he’d be the only one leading the charge. The silver lining through it all was knowing Harry was safe. Her heart had nearly burst from Bill’s news. It was a small comfort, even if she still hadn’t been able to visit him.

She thought she missed him even more after that, as the dull ache had paired with the anticipation and hope that she might still be able to see him again. But then she walked through the door from the secret passageway to the Hog’s Head and was sure her heart stopped beating as she saw him.

It was so unlike her, letting a bloke influence her emotions so much. But then, it’d always been different with Harry. Taking a sip of tea, Ginny closed her eyes and remembered how their eyes had met; she could practically see her own relief reflected in his bright green eyes. She desperately wanted to run over to him and throw her arms around his neck, but something had caused her to hold back.

Time and distance had allowed an unfamiliarity to settle between them. It felt like all the progress they’d made had been ripped away from her, like when the other team would steal the quaffle just as she was about to score an imperative goal. Her relief had turned to worry that the time apart would break their bond, and she found herself missing him even more. There was so much at stake that night, and she had no idea—

A creak from the stairwell cut her thoughts short. It looked like she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep.

“What are you doing up?” she asked the figure as she found her voice.

“Could ask you the same question,” her brother retorted as he rubbed his eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep. Thought some tea might help.”

“Same,” he said as he made his way over to the kettle.

“Is Hermione alright?” she asked.

Ron nodded. “She just fell back asleep. The nightmares are getting better, but they’re still there.”

Ginny watched as Ron moved around the kitchen before settling across from her with a steaming mug. They hadn’t talked much since returning, and it felt odd to share the table with him after all those months apart. She almost allowed herself to be consumed in her thoughts again when Ron spoke up.

“What was it like this past year?”

Ginny simply stared at him, trying to figure out if his question was a coincidence or if he’d used Legilimency to find out what she’d been thinking about. She’d always felt a strong bond with Ron, and even being apart for months hadn’t dampened the relationship between them.

“Rubbish,” she said as she shook her head.

“I’m sure it was still better than—”

“Barely!” Ginny cut him off. “How would you know? You were with Harry and Hermione for a year, so you didn’t have to miss them! You didn’t have to worry about whether they were still alive or not! Every single day I’d wake up and be scared to open the paper to find out that you’d been captured or killed. You didn’t have to watch Mum and Dad cope with knowing you were out there alone! Not knowing was torture.”

She wasn’t sure where all her anger was coming from. Maybe it was the grief of Fred’s death sneaking up on her, or the fact that she’d been suppressing so many emotions for the better part of a year. It wasn’t fair that she’d just unleashed it all on Ron, but he needed to know things weren’t easy for them, either.

“I know,” Ron said, sounding deflated.

“You don’t, though. Look, I know it must have been hard, maybe even impossible, but we just—I just—missed you all so much. I really didn’t know if I was ever going to see you all again.”

“Gin, you’re bloody mental if you don’t think I—hell, we—felt the same way. I spent every day in that bloody tent thinking ‘today’s going to be the day someone’s going to get taken by the Death Eaters because of me.’ We had no way of getting any news. The first thing we heard was when Dean, Griphook and Tonks’ dad were outside our enchantments after we couldn’t go back to Grimmauld Place.”

“But at least you three were together.”

Ron was oddly silent. She was expecting him to say something about the Trace and not being old enough to go with them, but he hadn’t said anything. Something was off.

“What’s wrong?”

“We weren’t. Not the whole time at least.”

“What are you on about?” Ginny didn’t like where this was going.

“I left, Gin. I left them in a moment of weakness.”

“Ron, that’s not funny. Don’t—”

“It’s not a joke. No one else knows, except Bill and Fleur.”

“Why?”

He took a deep breath. “Y’know how the Diary possessed you in your first year?”

“How could I forget?” she shot back icily at him.

“Well, there was another object—a locket—that kind of affected me the same way. It didn’t possess me, but it talked to me. It told me Harry and Hermione were better off without me, were better together, and I believed it.”

Ginny felt sick to her stomach. “No...”

Ron shook his head. “It happened any time I got too close to it. Harry and I ended up in a row, and he told me to leave, so I did. You don’t need to talk to me about missing them. I was terrified that something was going to happen. That they’d be caught, and I wouldn’t be there. They didn’t know about the Taboo. When I finally made my way back, I couldn’t believe how much I missed them until we were reunited. I felt like I was finally home, even if Hermione was in a right state.”

Ginny couldn’t help but laugh, and Ron shot her a confused look. She supposed it was justified since it wasn’t really a laughing matter. “It’s just ironic that you’d say that. About not realizing how much you missed someone until you were with them again. I was honestly thinking the same thing before you came downstairs. Seeing Harry again for the first time, knowing he was still alive, it made me miss him more, as barmy as that sounds.”

“I know what you mean,” Ron agreed.

They were both silent for a few minutes until Ginny asked him, “So, how’d you find your way back, anyway?”

“Huh? Oh, with this,” Ron said, pulling the deluminator out of his pocket. “When Hermione finally said my name, a little ball of light appeared, and when I disapparated, it took me to her.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“I wouldn’t either if it didn’t actually happen to me.”

“Well, at least we made it through, I guess.”

“Yeah. Have you and Harry talked yet?” Ron asked.

“No,” Ginny admitted.

“He’ll come around. I can try and see what he’s waiting for if you want.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, I can handle it. Thanks, though,” Ginny said genuinely.

She finished the last of her tea and stood up. “I should probably attempt to sleep, and you should get back to Hermione. Thanks for the midnight conversation.”

“Any time,” Ron said.

She began making her way up the stairs when he said, “Hey, Ginny?”

“Yeah?” Ginny turned to look at her brother when he called her name.

“Even though we’ve got all the time in the world now, I wouldn’t wait any longer to tell him how you feel.”

When had my brother become so mature? She thought as she eyed him curiously. And then it hit her. “You wouldn’t be giving me advice based on your personal experience, would you?” Ginny smirked knowingly at him.

“Would it matter if I am?” He quirked an eyebrow up at her in response.

Ginny couldn’t help but take the mickey out of him. “Well, it’s about time you and Hermione got sorted. Maybe I’ll take you up on your advice. Even if you’re only suggesting it so I can distract Harry for you.” She shot a mischievous look his way as he rolled his eyes.

She vaguely heard him mumble something along the lines of “just want you to be happy” as she made her way back up the stairs. A small part of her knew he was right as she resolved to talk with Harry in the coming days. She was finally ready to see where they stood.

#hp post war #ginny weasley #Ron Weasley #implied hinny #implied romione

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amanda-glassen · 4 years ago

Note

Jerena prompt 13 “You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”? Pretty Please?

Thanks for the request!!! If you have any other Jerena or baby Cabenson requests, let me know and I'll gladly write it for you.

Staying at the Benson house during spring break and the week before their wedding gave Jamie a glimpse into what it was like for her wife when she was growing up. Her wife’s brother Kyle as the youngest and the only son had little expectations on him other than to carry on the family name. Her younger sister Lexie had always been popular and outgoing. As a blonde hair and blue eyed California girl, their mom considered Lexie the pretty one, and expected that someday she’d get a rich husband and live the life of a Beverly Hills housewife like herself. But Serena－Serena was their gifted child and she was told so since she learned how to read at age two and a half. “Gifted children grow into adults who have constant feelings of inadequacy and self-destructive coping mechanisms,” Serena would tell her. She hated the fact that she was considered a gifted child, but when Jamie saw her wife talking to one of her students the week that they returned to New York, she felt as if that gifted child had grown into a sweet, compassionate, and gifted adult.

When Serena’s student－a boy who appeared to be about 18 or 19－left the room, Jamie took it upon herself to enter her office with a caffeinated treat in hand.

“Hey, beautiful, you come here often?” she asked in an attempt at getting her wife to look up from her laptop.

“Well, I work here, so I’d have to say ‘yes.’” Serena shut her laptop and took off her black-framed glasses. “Plus it says Professor Serena Benson on the door so that’s a dead giveaway.”

“I bring you coffee and you sass me,” Jamie clutched her hand to her heart. “I’m hurt. I really am. This drink is nasty, by the way.”

“Good. That means you won’t drink it.” Serena got up from her desk so she could get the drink from her wife. “I love you and not just because you caffeinate me,” she said before giving Jamie a chaste kiss.

The drink she brought was from a coffee shop on campus typically occupied by professors and stressed out grad students. Serena was a regular there and frequented the coffee shop to the point that the barista asked “Is this for Professor Benson?” as soon as Jamie finished ordering it. It was a medium iced coffee with four shots of espresso, nonfat milk, extra chocolate syrup, and extra hazelnut syrup.

“Damn, Serena, that stuff is like liquid cocaine. How do you drink it and live to tell the tale?”

“I think I’m immune to anything less. Do you want to sit outside?”

The November air was chilly compared to the weather they had just experienced while in California, but Jamie didn’t mind because cold weather meant seeing her wife in cardigans and scarves. Jamie had met some of Serena’s colleagues at the holiday party, but the age difference between Serena and most of her colleagues wasn’t evident until that November day when they were sitting outside on a bench. Unlike her other colleagues who were in business attire, Serena opted for a more casual alternative. She was in a jacquard fit and flare floral dress, an oversized olive green cardigan, and brown ankle boots with her hair in a bun.

“Anyone ever tell you you look like a cross between a hipster and a sexy librarian?”

“Not those who value their lives,” Serena took a sip of her drink. “Thank you for visiting me.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jamie responded. She wasn’t sure if putting her arm around her wife would be a welcomed gesture on campus where her students could potentially see her so she opted to hold her hand instead. “So, what’s the chisme? I heard you were on some people’s shit list.”

“Yeah, that,” Serena smirked. “I decided to add trigger warnings for assigned readings and if there’s something that’s triggering to them then my students have the option of doing an alternative assignment. The old guard thinks I’m some kind of special snowflake, but it’s worth it. My students are all over 18. They’re adults. They know the difference between something that makes them mildly uncomfortable and something that triggers them. When I came back for my senior year, rape scenes were traumatic for me to read. Some of my students are survivors of sexual assault, some are child abuse survivors, some have self-harmed. I don’t know what’s going to be triggering for them, but I don’t want them to be forced to relive trauma because of an assignment.”

Regardless of who was around, Jamie decided to kiss her wife’s temple. “You’re a good woman, Serena.”

“I’m not.”

“You are,” Jamie insisted. “You care so deeply and you’re always looking out for others, like the time we were in line at Target behind a woman whose debit card got declined and you paid for her entire purchase.”

Serena took a sip of her drink. “It was just the decent thing to do. She was all alone with a baby and I remember what it was like to be a new mom and raising a baby on my own. Because of my parents, I never needed money, but I can’t even begin to tell you the countless times other, more experienced moms helped me by giving me advice.”

“How about helping another new mom?” Jamie smiled. “Me, in particular.”

“Kyle just filled me in,” Serena chuckled. “He said Ollie’s fine. She’s playing video games.”

“So she doesn��t have food poisoning?”

“Did you see her throw up or did she just tell you?”

“She just told me.”

“Ahh, that’s where you went wrong,” Serena pointed out. “Unless I see that our daughter has thrown up, she’s not staying home. I’ll ask her to show me and she just says, ‘You’re gross, Mom, and this demeans us both’ and then she gets her little preteen self ready for school. You’re new to this, babe, and until we got married you were her buddy. Now you’re her mom and, as her mom, there’s a few words of advice I have. Don’t let our daughter punk you.”

“Our daughter was not trying to punk me. Olivia is a sweet kid.”

“I know she’s our baby but she’s almost a teenager,” Serena reminded her. “She’s going to spend the next few years trying to punk us, but we have a motto in the Benson family. Punk not lest ye get punked.”

“What is wrong with your family?” Jamie laughed. “What happened to trust?”

“You should know by now that we sacrifice everything for petty revenge,” Serena smirked. “On my way home, I’ll pick up a pizza with extra cheese and extra pepperoni. I’ll get some candy and soda and everything else she can’t resist. If she eats any of it, she’s admitting to lying about being sick to get out of her math test.”

“So you’re going to eat all of our daughter’s favorite foods in front of her while she eats chicken soup and crackers?”

“Pretty much.”

“I take it back, Serena. You are pure evil and it’s an honor to co-parent with you.”

#jerena #alex and liv: the wonder years #serena benson

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wexhappyxfew · 4 years ago

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i literally choked on my pizza when i saw your writing and analyzing questions post, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! first of all, what sort of process do you go through when creating characters? what kind of things do you take into consideration when creating them? i’m fascinated because creating characters is far from easy, especially when you’re creating someone like agent mortem! i’m always interested to know what the writer’s thought process was when creating a new character!

okay, so secondly, i wouldn’t say i’m having trouble with keeping all my planning organised and ‘precise’ in a way, but it’s really not easy 😅 i was wondering what kind of processes you go through when planning, whether you have like a specific structure or a set of steps to follow, or if you just kind of roll with it? at the moment when i plan it’s okay and it makes sense, but it’s literally just 4 or 5 pages of really chunky paragraphs which makes it really difficult to pick out the events again when i come to needing the plan to help me. i don’t really know if you do anything different, but if there is any way you know of that i could keep it more organised and easy to follow, that would be great :)

i’ll keep the last ones a little shorter because this ask is already looking veryyy long — what have you enjoyed writing about natia, what struggles have you faced and what have you learned? and basically the same with agent mortem if that’s possible :) i have asked a LOT of questions in this, so don’t feel like you have to answer them all because it will probably take quite a while 😅 anyway, thank you for putting up with my endless questions, and i hope you have a good day <33

ROSE AH HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! <333 sorry ive just gotten to this omg! it’s been sitting here for a little while but i’ve just had so much going on right now and wanted to make sure when i answered that my *full attention* was put on this! (because i’ve been very excited to answer this ESPECIALLY as i see agent mortem questions poking up on here and that just makes me even more hype!!! :D enjoy! <3

Ooooo this is a cool question! I’ve been asked it before but I feel with different characters and such, it always seems to fluctuate for me at least? In the sense, it’s almost never the same process for me in the developmental stages of a character haha! Sometimes I get characteristics first hand, or sometimes a certain scene pops up that just makes the character click and I can build from there, or sometimes, it’s just a last name or a first name that I work with and suddenly have an idea for!

For example, since we’re on the general topic of Landslide, I’ll talk about some things I did when creating specifically Natia. The “Natia” who is currently portrayed in the fic, was not always really like that. Natia initially was not a SOE Agent/Polish Resistance Fighter and instead a Dutch Resistance Member who would meet with Easy in Episode 4. I always sort of knew Natia, in whatever form she was, would meet Easy in Episode 4, but I wasn’t sure how, so the building in the first 17 chapters was the toughest part to come.

I did heavily feel the Polish were underrepresented in terms of the situation of the war along with everything that happened in the Warsaw Uprising and so I felt it was important to see if I could do something with that and that’s really where Natia came into play!

Natia means “hope” essentially and something I really like doing with her character is to parallel or juxtapose different ideas together, to continue on this sort of theme of her being a quite ominous and ambiguous character — you get the general sense of what her morals are, but in certain points it’s questionable. Morally-ambiguous characters have always been fascinating to me, especially female morally-ambiguous characters and so creating Natia in that respect I felt would be interesting to see what I could do!

Something major that I’ve slowly began to take into consideration with characters more and more, is the sort of general theme I want to be present with them — what’s that goal i that they are moving towards in the end and what’s the them surrounding it? For Natia it’s a multitude of things; family, revenge, being silenced, numb, grief, mentor vs protégé, lone wolf etc….the list could truly go on! And with these basic sort of ideas and themes, I can then move on from there and expand.

Why did she want REVENGE? Because the enemy killed her FAMILY, which is extremely important to her, and she wants to feel some sort of REDEMPTION for them.

Why was she BEING SILENCED? Because of the *past* conflict of the HARMFUL MENTOR VS SILENCED PROTÉGÉ situation that occurred between Agent Mortem and herself, where she allowed herself to be silenced by someone who abused the SUDDEN POWER he never had before in his life, ultimately leading to her continued issues of TRUST that she would meet throughout.

Why is she NUMB? Because at a fairly young age she experienced heavy and intense GRIEF that struck unforgivably at a time where it seemed things were safe. To rip something from a character, especially the main character, like FAMILY which is extremely important, you pull at the heart strings and it makes that character move forward on a quest for that in a way, ultimately by the end of the fic. (Basically you up they are least get a semblance of that lost thing, found again by the end)

Why is she a LONE WOLF? Because of the MENTOR VS PROTÉGÉ situation yet again, where she was taught to rely strictly on herself and no one else and so when TRUST and COMPANIONSHIP and TEAMWORK were introduced to her character, she didn’t know how to cope because she had been so desensitized to the ways of Agent Mortem that working back in the morals of family and friends was a challenge in its own respect.

It’s sort of a like a ripple effect if you think about it and that’s what helps me eventually move forward and develop the character arc I want to take place. She’s this way because of this — sort of like cause and effect. It’s really helped me out with major scenes or plot holes that have risen throughout the fic!

AGREED! Writing in general is not an easy feat and now including mind you ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, you’re literally, essentially, creating human beings from scratch and giving them characteristics, a backstory, trauma if you wish, friends and family, people they love, people they hate, morals, standards EVERYTHING! ITS INSANE! AH AND AGENT MORTEM! I’m so very glad that you brought him up, because his creation definitely stemmed directly from the want to experiment with the relationship of failed mentor vs protégé, entirely. I wanted a foil to Natia that was not directly with her all the time. Mortem plays such a MASSIVE role in her story and yet any interactions between the two are either from her mind or from memories and that’s just such a fun way to play around with their dynamic! (I just finished the creation of his backstory and character arc I want him to take and it’s only made me even more excited for what’s to ultimately come for him as well as Natia!)

A song that HEAVILY represents their dynamic is Ghost by Marvin Brooks (2WEI) and I’ll explain why. Even though Mortem is not always inherently *with* Natia, he still is a huge factor of her life, and still heavily controlling many aspects of her life such as recurring memories, reactions, and how she is also conditioned to react to certain things as well. He is essentially a “ghost” who is “haunting” Natia and I feel that’s an interesting take on their connection because they’re two people who clearly had a power struggle and a difference of opinions of multiple things and that just makes it so incredibly interesting to write!

song:

OOOOOO good question!!! So many people have such different ways of approaching story writing and planning and drafting and writing and editing and it’s honestly amazing!! I will say, I’m not an excessive planner or even a real great planner with writing, I never really have, and even as I’ve developed my writing and learned that “it’s okay to slow down”, or “it’s okay to take time for different portions to provide a deeper focus”, I still have not been someone to plan out every bit of my writing.

Reason being is I enjoy seeing where I can take the story in that time and place. Maybe if I’m doing a quick little writing segment and suddenly this idea just appears and hits me, I work it into the fic and it takes it a whole new direction and I end up not being super upset about it because it just…it works! And of course, this is not how other people operate and I have every respect for people who plan and have every detail laid out and figured out and just….completely and utterly planned to the dot. Lile kudos to people who genuinely get the planning all cleaned up before even writing, truly.

I just finalized Agent Mortem’s backstory and where I want his character arc to go and I’ve had him as a character since August of last year LOL! But ya know sometimes, I sit and I think back and go, maybe I wasn’t ready at that time to develop him completely yet because I, the writer, didn’t understand him enough to and I had to write more of him to be able to get a grasp of who he was and his character (and just about everything else!) and that’s okay!!! :)

Going with this idea I just stated above — the 4 or 5 pages of info — KEEP IT MY FRIEND!!! I swear, half the reason ideas even come to me is simply because I just write a big info dump that has all my little ideas somewhere inside and will ALWAYS be there. I recommend maybe taking a day though - away from focusing on writing or editing - and just picking that apart. (That’s what I did the other day and it helped me out MAJORLY! and it was worth it in the end!) Maybe keep the original 4-5 pages and then copy and paste the same thing in another doc so you always have the original!

And then just go through and split ideas apart! If you start reading and see it moving into another realm of headspace of ideas, just press enter and separate the two — you didn’t delete it, it’s still there and still intact! It’s just easier to look at now because instead of two, jumbled and completely different ideas, you now have two paragraphs and portions of text that relate to their own respective idea. It definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow when trying to get yourself organized!!

This really helped me when I was in my beginning stages of figuring out Landslide ESPECIALLY the first 17ish chapter where Natia was not in contact with Easy yet. I’ve explained it before but those chapters are there because we are seeing her final days with the resistance in Warsaw and how she ultimately ends up with Easy PLUS we see who she is as a character by herself and how she is not merely an extension off of Easy, but her own character, her own person. She has her own story and her own morals and ways of going about her life that don’t even relate to Easy. Their paths just happened to cross!! :)

By getting those first 17ish chapters planned, not extreme planning though I will admit, half the scenes were very much thought up on the spot for example like Natia driving to Munich in disguise or the introduction of Zdzich — two very important scenes that show us something about Natia. (1) She’s willing to go to extreme lengths for the people she loves to ensure that in the end they are safe, even if it means sacrificing herself and (2) she has trouble realizing that there are people out there that genuinely care for her, a connection to her ultimate, unruly and upsetting past. And the best part about it is THESE WEREN’T EVEN PLANNED! So sometimes, just let the story take the reigns and your mind and just guide you through it. Sometimes it is for the best :)

If you have your basic ideas and concepts and themes for how you want your fic to eventually go, the scenes for me most of the time just appear I guess when they should. Sometimes even in the times I'm not writing, I sit theorizing and questioning and thinking and developing ideas in my mind and it's a real good exercise, so when you get back to writing, you already know where you want the fic leading in the end!

MAN I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Anytime I can provide some meta or give some insight to Natia who is just one of the best characters I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with, I’ll gladly answer!

The thing I enjoy writing about Natia the most I feel, and I’ll probably always say this, is her complexity — as a writer, her character orders a healthy challenge for me that I gladly have accepted! You don’t know everything about her as a reader and as you read each chapter, that’s how you slowly uncover and discover what she hid about herself to protect herself. There’s so many different aspects of her that I could discuss truly!! (There has been so many parts that I’ve scrapped because I read through and just think “Man this doesn’t seem like Natia!”. She’s tricky sometimes to stake down exactly how she would react because of her past and her trauma and how long she’s been in war, but I just LOVE it!)

Many different aspects of her character though, come from her past and that’s what makes her interesting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the ideology of “Chekov’s Gun”, a writing device that can be used, with how I will mentioned something and it almost might seem out of the blue, yet later it all just makes sense?! When the flashback is revealed or a small portion of her past is finally allowing *light* in. It's a device I've used with Natia that has just really helped to develop her story at the pace I want it to be revealed! :D

For example, the OCEAN is mentioned many times. I make constant reference to the WAVES, the RECESSION of them from time to time, the comparison of the OCEAN both ABOVE and BELOW surface — all of that sorta stuff! For her character, it seems a bit out of place. She’s COLD. She’s NUMB. She’s BROKEN. What does an open body of water consuming at least 70% of the Earth have to do with an OC based in Warsaw, Poland?

This is where the importance of her PAST will play it’s role, as it has a major INFLUENCE on her and her CHARACTER and her MORALS. One of the main reasons the OCEAN is inherently connected to Natia is because of her PAST and one of those main reasons is AGENT MORTEM and her TRAINING, especially WATER training. I can’t comment further on this though as readers have only touched the tip of the iceberg for the use of the OCEAN and it’s IMPORTANCE so far in this fic! (Ask me again about it once this fic is finished up for the most part, unless….by Part 4 readers understand why!)

Natia just remains a character who constantly is developing and changing inside my head - where I want her path to ultimately end up leading by the end of the fic, where I want both her mental head space vs emotional head space should be and etc. So many portions of this fic are dealt specifically on her internal monologue and how she calculates and problem solves from that portion of her sort of *engagement* within the conflict. There never seems to be a dull moment when writing her!

Another thing I really have enjoyed about writing Natia is her clashing personality traits that make her interesting to write in both different scenarios and reactions. She's stubborn yet humble. She's numb and cold but internally extremely caring and giving and filled with these bottled up emotions. She's mentally strong yet she's been through so much and let the war take so much. She never complains about what she's doing, but she's lost nearly everyone she loves. She's a fighter in this war and refuses to back down from a battle she know she can wage, but the second she is pulled from the aspect of war, things crash and burn around her. Just even these few combating sort of things, really show her character and what, through writing, has slowly developed! They always lay around in the back of my mind and it's one of the main things I remind myself when I write Natia all the tme.

I think one of the most important things I've learned from both writing and creating a character like Natia is that (1) it's okay to ask for help, about anything, literally anything. You don't have to confine everything to yourself and build up this immense pressure to do what you must to continue moving forward. It's okay to have people there to help you and support you. (2) It's okay to be strong alone and even if you seem to be the only one on the current path you're are on, it does not mean you are wrong. it can still lead to the right destination in the end!

Oooo okay! AGENT MORTEM!! I am totally down to chat about some things I've loved to write with him with and some challenges I've discovered, but as far as what I've learned from him, I will be holding off and could answer that when the entire fic is both completed and then updated on platforms....just because ;) don't want to give away any spoilers haha! <3

Something I've enjoyed about writing and crafting Agent Mortem is letting him remain as mysterious and secretive as he is for so long. Initially, I can't even begin to recall what his character would be like even a year ago, but seeing where he has developed now, I'm really happy with where he is. He's mysterious, he's shadowed, he seems like a figure in the background, a past mentor who is half deranged and lost his mind with a background with so substance. It makes for such a fascinating way to begin to reveal his past! (something I've began to insert into part 4 of Landslide and man I'm just so HYPE!)

I feel I'm excited simply because he's finally getting the time and moment he deserves to finally explain and show himself as to what has occurred. There's so many fractured and disconnected parts of what is currently going on with Natia and her connection to both Agent Mortem and then Death is tossed in the mix and it seems this big complicated mess of 'how' Agent Mortem got to be this way, 'why' he does a thing such as this, just different and varying aspects such as that. it makes for those big final reveals to all be even more worth it!

He has been quite the challenge though I will admit. There's so many perspectives he could quite possibly be viewed from and his *character* + morals/values could be pulled in a various amount of ways as well. Making sure he accurately comes across the way I want him to both appear and come across to the reader and to myself has definitely been tricky. He's not as easy as suspected, you know, not just a 'dude who had a bad day and went insane in the end', there's a whole multitude of levels and reasons and a deep, heavy and traumatizing background starting from his birth really (which is a whole other story). Managing and balancing that all in one has definitely been something I've had to keep on top of and monitor but I feel has really been worth the challenge in the end. Because at the end of the day, I'm someone looking to constantly challenge myself.

And a good challenge, whether it be writing or academics or a workout, is healthy and GOOD! That's what Landslide in a whole has really shown me, to challenge yourself daily to see where you can push yourself and your imagination and creativity, just to see where you can even go!! it's exciting and refreshing!

Thank you so much for this wonderful ask Rose! I appreciate it more than ANYTHING as you well know, and I know it's taken me *quite* some time to answer, but I've been working on it for weeks now and finally got it out because it was ready! I really wanted to take my time with it and develop it to its full potential in the end and I feel I have (without giving away any spoilers haha!) As always, please know if you have any further questions regarding Natia Filipska, Agent Mortem, Death (along with other characters of Landslide), writing, the process (my own included), tips for writing/planning, or just anything else in general, I will always be happy to help in anyway I can! You're always welcome, anyone always is!!! <3333 Thank you again, I had so much fun doing this more than anything! :D

#writing #writing tips #band of brothers #bob fic #band of brothers fic #also hello landslide day tmr and it’s a good one hehe :d #natia filipska #agent mortem #death (character)#basic aid on characters + writing/planning #plus gathering thoughts #thank you again for this rose! i had so much fun! <3333

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